#because you can just assume at that point
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this is my first time hearing of this so i dont know if theres like some other context related to this im missing (or if this message just happened out of the blue) but i dont really wanna know either way.
^^^ but all points in this are valid (the reblogged post i mean)
i would like to at least hold out hope that nothing bad happened until it is confirmed (do not ask them what happened, im sure its stressful as it is) but that is not to say that i invalidate the people who spoke up because im sure they have their reasons too but we do not know what happened and we cannot know what (again do not ask what, we are not entitled to that information)
i want to believe in both sides. i don't want to end up being the kind of person who doesn't believe in a victim or is against a person who didn't actually do anything wrong, so im going to be patient and if nothing ever gets said about it thats fine too
do not speculate. what comes out of it could be aiming pitchforks at someone who didn't do what you think they did, or bringing out someone's trauma over something all over again because you want to know or you think oh maybe this could be why so and so happened
this is my own opinion, but id say to withhold any judgment and thought you might have on this until we get a confirmation. this is not to say that you can do whatever you want with this information after, because that is not true at all.
feeling uncomfortable regarding it is valid, im not saying you cant have your own opinions over it, id just prefer it if people could treat this sensitively, and with respect for the other members to not try to find out more then what has been shared, nor overly target people over something you do not have confirmation over
im sorry as ive been repeating points a lot, but ive seen people acting really disrespectfully to all the people involved in something similar to this because they want to know, but they do it with zero regard for the person on the other side of the screen
(this is more referring to people asking those who were friends to that person about it but it was a really bad situation overall, and they were attacking them when they didn't get a response out fast enough without considering that they'd just learned that someone they cared about was a terrible person and needed time to process that. now in this case its not fully confirmed but i really dont want to see that happen again.)
^ updating my response above, as there is a doc with information about what happened which i noticed in one of the comments on the original post. i just wasnt sure if something really bad happened considering the vague statement in the twitter post but considering its been spoken out now of what happened i can safely conclude that hes probably not innocent (understatement). (again, please do not hound the victims nor the hermits on information about this)
i just didnt wanna assume anything. this isnt to say that i didnt trust in what evidence they saw that made them conclude that the accusations were credible, it was just worded in a way that sounded very vague, and as a person who would like to see the goodness in everyone i tend to stay in denial about these kinds of things because i want to believe that they are not that kind of person, at the very least until its either admitted by the guilty party, or theres a credible statement from the victim
also it might feel like im understating things with how i describe them, thats my bad. i usually describe things in swear words but considering hermitcraft has a mainly young audience im trying not to and it also feels a little inappropriate over a serious topic. but it means i default to referring to something as 'bad' or 'not so good' which can come off as like im trying to make it seem not as bad as it actually is which isn't true at all. im just trying to be really careful about how i word things or what i say considering this is a serious topic but it means im not sure how to describe it so i end up going with what i default to outside of swears.
um. also please dont go asking for proof from the people affected nor the hermits cause i really dont think its appropriate and could lead to triggering them further. its also very personal.
i emphasize my point as a person who has also gone through bad things, and trying to look back through those old messages were really triggering and it was just not a good time. i imagine it was rough enough to get screenshots of what they did get so please leave it alone. they went through the trouble of sharing it in public, you are not entitled to more
and i get it might be rough to trust CCs after having your trust broken with one being revealed to be a bad person but PLEASE do not accuse other CCs of the same behavior. they are just as shaken as you that someone they thought they knew could be like that. please leave them alone, thank you.
PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND:
we, as fans, do not have a right to private information. anything shared with us on this is a privilege. please do not abuse it. the cc's could shut down and never talk about it if we overwhelm them.
also, please keep in mind that ONE HERMIT and THE ENTIRETY OF HERMITCRAFT are NOT THE SAME THING. the entire fandom is not 'ruined' or 'completely unsafe' because of the actions of one person.
PLEASE DO NOT ASSUME THAT THE OTHER HERMITS KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT WHATEVER'S GOING ON WITH ISKALL. this is not some big conspiracy, it's the consequences of one person's actions. they weren't hiding this from us, that's not how hermitcraft works, they truly didn't know. they probably knew as much as us about this, so making it an 'us against them' situation is immature and shortsighted.
ALSO, I AM BEGGING EVERYONE TO PLEASE NOT SENSATIONALIZE THIS. PLEASE DO NOT TURN HATING ISKALL INTO A MEME OR A JOKE.
mcyt'ers being revealed to be less-than-great people is not a rare thing, sadly, but i've seen it turned into a joke/meme/trend in other fandoms. this both minimalizes the actual people's/victims' struggles, makes the entire situation feel less serious than it is, especially to outsiders looking in, and makes everyone in the fandom look immature, petty, unable to take anything seriously, and genuinely harmful.
this server, fandom, and community are not dying, it is not ruined forever, this is one (major, i'm not trying to minimalize it) issue that we're currently dealing with. it will be okay. we will move on. this is not the beginning of the end. please calm down. i love this fandom, god bless all of you. <3
edit: doc has said on stream that we will likely get more information as time passes. like i said, this is a PRIVILEGE. we are not OWED information. please be grateful for what we're given, and POLITELY ask questions if you must. if a cc doesn't give you the answer you want, or doesn't answer at all, LEAVE THEM ALONE. THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO HARASS PEOPLE. the hermits are likely just as stressed out as us, if not probably more so, so please keep that in mind when contacting them.
don't freak out, we'll be okay, this is not the end of the world, nor is it the end of Hermitcraft. we will be okay.
second edit: please remember that (at least as far as we know) ISKALL AND STRESS WERE NOT KICKED OR BANNED. THEY LEFT OF THEIR OWN VOLITION.
ALSO!!! VERY IMPORTANT!!!
WE. DO. NOT. KNOW. EXACTLY. WHAT. HAPPENED.
PLEASE DO NOT ASSUME ANYTHING SIMPLY BASED OFF OF OTHER MCYT'ERS PAST ACTIONS/SCANDALS. WE DO NOT KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. WE MIGHT NOT EVER KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. WE NEED TO BE OKAY WITH THAT AND NOT DRAW OUR OWN CONCLUSIONS.
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Grasping at straws: Thoughts about Viktor's disability in Arcane
Disclaimer: In this post I try to give it some credit to Arcane writing from within the narrative. This is a Watsonian interpretation, not a Doylist one. Assume that underneath all of this I am beating Riot with LeGuin tomes.
Bootstraps and Denial
We get a glimpse into Viktorâs sense of self while heâs talking Jayce down from the ledge in S1A1E3: He is extending a sense of kinship to Jayce, who has just been stripped of his research equipment and autonomy by the Council when they relegate him to the care of his mother. He also considers the fact that heâs a faculty assistant in Piltover something he worked hard for, that was awarded to him despite his disability and immigrant status. His visible physical disability, accent, name, are all class signifiers that he must reject and dismiss if he wants funding, accommodation and recognition and it points to Piltover only allowing Zaunites as both a PR token and only if they reject enough of their Undercity culture. This is crucial: Viktor did not earn his position because he worked hard and believed in himself, he was rewarded for assimilating.
Becoming a Specimen
All of Viktorâs screentime in S1 takes place in Piltover to the exceptions of his visits to Singed, both in his childhood flashback and his adult visit to request help with the Hexcore experiment. Two things stand out to me in these interactions: The traumatic experience of being valued as a specimen, and the scrambling to the top of the ivory tower as a response to said trauma. He meets Singed and Rio in the immediate aftermath of a fall caused by his legâs angle while he kept track of a device he built, a reminder that it would be the defining feature of his career, not his creations. Rio is shown to him as a lively, yet dying, specimen that must be preserved because it is a mutant, because it is defective and that defect makes her extremely valuable. I can understand how a young Viktor would latch onto the idea of saving something because it is faulty and project, and how finding Rio effectively dead and her body used for profit ended in an understanding that defects are only good if you can exploit them in some way, itâs not you, as a person, that they want. Conceptualizing a Viktor that is dead set on convincing the world that his work is important in and of itself goes through understanding that he sees his visible disability as both a hindrance and a weakness to exploit from the Piltover Academy.
Jayce encourages Viktor to do PR for Hextech with him several times, and right before the Progress Day speech, just as Viktor has had a coughing fit and is sitting down to rest his leg, Viktor says he doesnât want to be seen as his partner, not in front of âthemâ (them being Piltoverâs aristocracy). Viktor sees in Hextech a chance to leave a scientific legacy, and Jayceâs partnership is a way to keep the funds coming without his disability being an issue for investors. He believes in his partnership and Hextech as a joint endeavor between him and Jayce, but he knows what happens when Piltovans see a disabled Zaunite in any position threatening their hegemony. The catch here is that Viktorâs experience with Rio makes it so that this is not so much political awareness, as much as it is an avoidance so hard it loops back to agreeing with the oppressor, just to live a little more, just to make sure the world sees what you did.
When Viktor is diagnosed with Sump disease, a terminal condition caused by overexploitative mining and industrial pollution caused by Piltoverâs factories and production exports, the sequence plays alongside an investor PR campaign from Jayce. Itâs Viktor, who is already disabled, losing his place in the legacy of Hextech because he is dying at the hands of those who made it possible financially. Itâs this Viktor, who sees his hopes of being remembered for his inventions dwindling, desperately going back to Singed and saying âI understand the value of the specimen. If rejecting my personhood buys me time, I will be what they want to see: A cripple, a corrupted Zaunite, a man desperate for power.â
The Hexcore has been trained to heal the subjects itâs used on, but Viktor was the one to train it: He was the one to determine what parts of the subject were considered sicknesses and flaws. To the degree that the Hexcore is, in many ways, a reflection of Viktorâs understanding of disease. It targeting his leg on first deliberate connection is a reflection of intent and desire more than any kind of agency from the device. Sky being used as fuel for the Hexcoreâs learning is a point of contention for Viktor at that point because itâs the meeting point of the specimen and the scientist: Some lives are expendable if it means furthering your goal, and your life is the most expendable one. Are you ready to kill, be killed, for legacy? And Viktor panics because he is back, heâs looking at Rioâs corpse, born and raised for dying. Suicide for him at this point is an out, an unhealthy way of trying to go back to when he still had a choice. He asks Jayce to destroy the Hexcore and let him die because at that point he is still capable of dying without becoming a resource.
The Horror of Bioethics
Season 2 for Viktor is him becoming a specimen: Not a person, but a tool used to pave the road to a goal. In this case, Noxusâ acquisition of Hextech weaponry (which Viktor opposed ethically in Season 1, as he becomes the weapon itself in Season 2). He is resuscitated using the Hexcore against his will, a Hexcore containing both Viktorâs inputs for non-human healing and Skyâs research on applying those principles to the human body. He is a machine trained to heal, and he leaves for Zaun not under Viktorâs orders, but under the maxim to heal. He sees the widespread health issues caused by people that Viktor was bootlicking in Piltover, the direct result of him helping care for Rio until she died and was used to synthesize Shimmer as a drug, and where Viktor avoided his association with Zaun, the Hexcore resorts to the inputted instructions: Fix what we have established is broken. Viktor, who rejected his own disability, who rejected his home, his personal history, taught this thing to target the disabled, to target the poor, to target the sick. It is horrifying. The script presents it as vaguely unsettling but well-intentioned when it is blatant eugenics brought on by the loss of autonomy of a disabled man; the horror of it is not the cult, itâs knowing that all of this healing comes from someone having assimilated emotionally, politically, and physically, into his oppressors. It is not Viktor helping Zaun from the inside, it is Piltoverâs allegedly meritocratic hellscape grafted onto Zaunites.
Who is allowed to be disabled?
Now, Jayceâs journey in the post-Hextech apocalyptic world is shown as a climb up from the Sump into the top of the Hexgatesâ tower, almost reminiscent of Viktorâs journey as he understands it: Youâre in a pit with a broken leg, in pain, hungry, desperate and you climb because itâs that or accepting death. You hope whatever is up there was worth the climb, but itâs a leap of faith. Itâs remarkable, in contrast, how Jayceâs understanding of that climb is shaped by his own socioeconomic background. Viktor reaches the top and is punished for it, Jayce reaches the top and comes to an enlightened understanding. Viktor grows up disabled and is punished for the climb, Jayce acquires a disability during war time and he becomes the scientist-politician-hero. I appreciate how Jayce, upon encountering Viktor, fully armored even in his mind, can see a back brace, a leg brace, strained tendons. But it is also why a terminal illness resulting from Piltoverâs economic chokehold on Zaun is conflated with a visible congenital disability, while they are manifestly not the same: This is a Viktor who got absorbed into Piltoverâs vision of legacy, this is a Jayce who has grown up in it.
Legacy? What legacy?
In his final shot with Jayce as they erase the rune-stone, Viktorâs right leg is curving inwards, implying his femoral anteversion is something that he has finally incorporated into his perception, which was absent in every previous shot of this realm. Viktor's acceptance is for his own body, yes, but also for the consequences of giving up on it and dying.
This story as it is presented to us is a tale of avoiding annihilation through denial of one's limitations. While it's not a story that I enjoy, it is the one we were given. My hope is that through understanding it we can all tell better stories about disabled people.
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okay so very long thinkpiece about meljay and jayce' treatment of mel / the writers treatment of mel and how i think that all things considered she hasnt really won as much as we think she did
the thing about this that makes me so mad or rather sad (both, actually) is that we learn in season 1 how mel was brought up, that she didn't get to be soft and kind, that her surroundings were hard and rough just like her mother was, that love isn't a thing she knows like that especially not in relation to vulnerability. now if you think about media in general there is a pattern we know. the black woman is always the strong woman, the independent woman, the woman who doesnt get to be vulnerable bc of the first two points. so here comes this man she's trying to use not just for her own endeavors but for the good of piltover, clearly having a different mindset than her mother, and he cracks her open just like that. he's vulnerable with her and he lets her be vulnerable with him and it allows this woman this kind of vulnerability that she was never allowed to feel. she feels and she loves and there is someone who holds her and looks out for her when things go bad. he is his first thought after the bombing and hes so loving and endearing unlike her mother who is concerned, of course, but straight back to business too. and oh what a lovely thing that was to watch as a black woman who to this day still doesn't get to see this as often as we really should
so mel gets to experience something she hasnt before and you can tell it means something to her because when she gets back in act 3 the first reaction to him is an excited, hopeful one.
this is the man she cares deeply for and it is also the man who shes comforted before many times. something she needs in those very confusing times too. something she might be looking out for. something she might hope to get herself. some comforting after what shes been through for months. someone to share what is going on with her and how confusing it is to find out all those lies and secrets about herself.
until she notices how changed he is, how different he looks, so instantly she is worried. of course! who wouldnt be! she very likely didnt even know he was missing since its the first time we see her back in the city so she must've assumed he has been here and well for the whole time being (does she even know how long its been?) but it isnt fine as we know. she puts herself second! immediately! (and rewatching that scene now it actually makes me mad how she does that. and how anyone can question any of her feelings for him when shes immediately all jayce. or how in general people think shes only interested in her own goals) she asks this man who has shown her to be vulnerable around him and it BEING FINE, what happened, shes opening herself up to him, again, over and over, and he not only tells her it doesnt matter (what happened to him) but TURNS HIS BACK ON HER. he is literally shutting her off. he is saying with his body she does not get to do that. and for someone who has grown up like this, with a mother cutting off any kind of displays of weakness, this must be a familiar feeling, something that goes off like a bell
but she still tries! she still tries! she sees something is wrong but she tries to get comfort anyway, because this is jayce, right, this is the man she cares for deeply, the man who has opened this door for her and the door she's let herself through, the man who has always had compassion for her. of course she tries again. why wouldn't she? so she starts that something has happened to her but he doesn't even let her tell him what happened (actually it makes me so mad seeing this again and how crazy hostile he is towards her, its like im looking at the mel hating part of arcanetwt and him repeating beat for beat what theyve been saying for years) he doesnt give her room to speak, just takes it for himself, prioritizing himself and his own feelings. and, yes, figuring out the bombing thing and wanting to talk about it is valid and i think in general this could've been a great angsty way to deal with this topic IF they would've had the opportunity to talk this out properly but what happens instead is that the man that makes mel feel safe starts INTERROGATING her like she is a criminal that should be held for trial FOR SAVING HIM something she doesnt even undestand herself. and suddenly she is in a whole different position and i think by now she knows that this kind of compassion and understanding and room for vulnerability isn't part of their conversation anymore
she loses her composure and that of course isnt a first because she has started to be less put together around him, allowing her more room to "sway" but this kind of destruction is a different one because she feels at trial, feels cornered, feels like she has to explain herself but - and thats what is important - isnt heard. and i think that is something she knows very well, something shes grown up with, trying to explain herself and not being heard.
all of that happens while he is, mind you, still holding onto that hammer. something she surely notices too. the man who's usually quick to let down his defences around her, who isnt councilor talis or mister talis but just jayce around her, is holding onto that hammer like shes a threat. so he tells her he thinks shes lying and she asks him why he would think she'd do that, obviously, because her understanding of their relationship and their trust is a different one than his or at least this jayce that has come back from the arcane, because clearly this kind of understanding comes from somewhere and it comes from the times they've spent together alone throughout season 1 and a little in the beginning of season 2.
he throws at her that shes been using him, something that surprises her, because clearly she doesnt know what has happened, but she tries to explain anyway, because she doesnt know what has happened at least not in full (as you can tell by her reaction to viktor appearing, sensing the hostile mood between both, but also the way she reacts when viktor mentions the noxians intentions), and you can see that these thoughts of his are a result of months in the arcane alone with them and imagining conversations over conversations (although for me its still hard to understand how he grew that hostile towards her this quickly as if she were responsible for everything that happened but those are thoughts for a different post). he crashes out during that conversation, his face is warped with hatred and that is. all. for. her. to. see. and then BOOM goes the hammer off. mid conversation. a conversation that should feel safe with a man she should feel safe with but none of that is there. there is no space for her. (and yes i know hes aiming at viktors puppet but that isnt somethng mel is aware in that moment)
it all leads up to a fight and eventually they walk together and he apologizes, although very distantly and without much explanation, and despite it all, despite having good reasons to shut off and not share what she's feeling, she does. she talks to him about what is on her mind and they have a short, bittersweet exchange but it's just nowhere to what they've established in the first season. as a shipper of course that is super frustrating, but as a mel fan it's just sad to see that the person she felt safe enough to seek comfort in is just so closed off. but not only that, it's obvious they're parting ways and it's very obvious this is coming from his side and i think that is also why she so wilingly accepts it. she doesn't fight much back throughout their whole fight earlier either, she tries to explain herself, but doesnt demand that room for herself even though in this relationship she should be able to take just as much room for herself and her feelings as he does, but she doesn't. she just lets it happen and i understand it bc you have this man you trust and probably love and his first reaction to you is hostile when hostile has never been a response to her. he made a complete u-turn and of course that's off putting, maybe even scary, of course it shuts her down, makes someone who's so good with words and fighting just try to cause as little damage as possible because that is how she's grown up, isn't it?
and that is why i am sad about this. she learned that love doesnt have to look like her mothers and that being vulnerable isnt a weakness and its his doing but here she is met by this kind of hostility she only knows from noxus and it hurts even more that it COMES FROM HIM and over something as SAVING HIS LIFE when its clearly was an act out of love and not investment bc if i'd would've been just that than she would've saved viktor as well? but it wasnt about that. it was her subconscious making a decision and it was something her mother would describe as an act of weakness (theres a reason she gets renni to attack him bc she sees how fond mel of him is maybe even because shes been fond of a man herself once and she knows what itll do) and i think the worst part about it is that she doesnt ever get to truly articulate this or anything else and now that jayce is gone (dead? in a stone? who knows?) she won't get to ever probably. she won't get to say what she thinks and explain herself truly and she won't have anyone to confide in, to be comforted by or comfort. elora is dead, kino wasn't real and the real one is actually dead too, jayce is well whatever he is, and her mother died in her arms. yes, mel is a mage and that is fucking awesome and i was so happy to see her go off and get so many spotlights in battle, but shes also so fucking tragic actually. because here she is with a fuck ton of weight on her shoulders, the noxian army looking up to her, the whole name, not knowing who her father is or what any of her powers mean, the whole black rose thing, everything unresolved between her and jayce, the death of the people she loves, and shes all alone with it. shes all alone with it and she gets no one. man im just fucking sad that this woman got a glimpse of what it could be like to be loved and have someone to "come home to" just for her to have literally no one left like why do you hate black women so much why cant they get a fucking good ending and why cant they be fucking loved even when things get hard
also im lowkey mad that jayce got to find comfort in her lap so many times and not once did she get that in return, not even a squeeze of her shoulder, but dont let me get started on that....
#mel medarda#jayce talis#meljay#onlymeljay#goldenforge#arcane#arcane season 2 spoilers#arcane spoilers#kds.txt#im sorry this is a lot but i have so many thoughts#a lot of them hurt me#but i think this one just kills me the most#i wanted her to have something she didnt have before#it was so nice to see her being treated this well#only for it to end like that#and so cold too
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Mel being an empath
(Okay i just got say arcane has sparked passion in me i havenât felt for a show and fandom in yeeeears i havenât written a meta in forever so bare with me.)
Anyway at first watching act 3 the reveal of Mel being empath felt crazy like thatâs such a huge bomb that we didnât get build up on or much follow through but i do think it explains so much about her character. Traditionally empaths are written to be overly emotional or sensitive sort of like telepaths and being smart but Mel wasnât written like that sheâs quite calm and collected her most emotional outbursts are with her mother and jayce and even with jayce itâs only because heâs hurling accusations at her and she still remains relatively calm in her responses. I think her knowing peopleâs emotions wether she was aware of this or not plays into this she knows Jayce is coming from a place of hurt and confusion where as her mother back in season one she knows sheâs being disingenuous with the reasons of being in piltoverďżź.
First watch this just seems like a disgruntled ďżźdaughter and her mother trying to get on her good side but knowing that Mel can read peopleâs emotions adds another layer she see right through her mother which not only from just being raised by her but through her her empath skills.
also wanted to bring this up someone pointed this out tiktok and someone else pointed out that this maybe because weâre seeing this scene through Melâs POV and since she is empath she see that Maddie is secretly enjoying executing Caitlyn. This got me thinking about her career as council member/politician Iâve wondered how she got so high up while seemingly not only being the youngest member but being young period if sheâs assumed to be Jayceâs and Victorâs age this makes her about 24-27 in s1 which is extremely young for council member which essentially this regionâs governing body. Being able to sense peopleâs true intentions allowed her to know who to align herself who not to, knowing when people agreed and disagreed with her, or when people sympathize with your views, causes, or concerns on certain issues which all helped her advance quickly her career. Iâm sure being from a high born house helped but we see other high born houses in council positions but theyâre all older.
She also seems to be somewhat bored with politics and somewhat disillusioned when we meet her i mean giving a fellow council member a childâs toy almost like a practical joke doesnât seem like someone who views politics and her colleagues with utmost seriousness it isnât until she meets Jayce that we see the passion for change. I think being empath she saw that Jayce and Vicktorâs vision for hextech and Piltover and Zaun were pure and genuine which is why she supported them. I also hate the rhetoric that Mel never loved jayce and just manipulated for her own gain she does everything in her power to stay true to him and Vicktorâs vision she doesnât push him to do anything that goes against their morals and goals. When Jayce is worried about Vicktor and his absence at the council may lead to she reassures she wonât let them corrupt their dream. Like i said early she isnât written like a typical empath she also isnât written like a typical manipulator(if you can call her that) she is genuine in what sheâs says to Jayce she just also knows how people work and his feelings on the matter so sheâs able to play on that.
Ambessa describes her to be too soft and she tells Jayce she didnât Medarda standards i think the way she operates as empath is the cause of that I donât think Mel is welling to corrupt herself or others when getting what she wants unlike her Mother and the rest of her family i think they operate much more cut through in their goals.
Whew anyway mind any typos i didnât mean for this be as long as turned out just wanted to share revelation i had!:)
#mel medarda#mel arcane#arcane ambessa#arcane#arcane mel#empath#arcane season 2#arcane season one#arcane season two#arcane spoilers#arcane piltover#piltover and zaun#arcane zaun#meljay#jayce talis#arcane jayce#mel x jayce#jayce x mel#melâs powers#mel season 2#ambessa medarda#ambessa league of legends#mel and ambessa#mel and jayce#noxus#arcane noxus#also like#please follow me if youâre mel fan i want to discuss her more
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These are the only things You need to know about manifestation :
Manifestation is not a process. You aren't trying to manifest anything. You are just accepting the fact that it's already yours.
Don't get stuck in the trying/learning phase, you don't need it to make sense. You don't need to know how/when/what. Just know that it's already done.
You make the rules in your reality. Stop asking if you can manifest this/that or why some coach was saying this and the other coach said the opposite. Don't accept what they say as true in your reality. What's the point of being the operant power in your own reality if you're just gonna go behind the latest technique/ fad some random person on the internet tells you to do.
The simplest way is the real way. Accept it as true in your reality. That's all there is to it. If you wanna affirm and persist do that, If you wanna do saturation do that, If you wanna listen to subs do that. There is no right or wrong way. Just accept the fact that it is already done.
To answer the question of how can I assume something to be true when it clearly isn't - How come you always assume the worst when it comes to stuff you want? Don't you assume how you're gonna be late somewhere before it even happens? Don't you assume that something's gonna go wrong before it even happened? Don't you overthink all sorts of shit without once knowing what's actually happening behind the scenes? If you can do all this shit with no proof whatsoever, you can assume what you want is true - if you really want it. I said what I said.
Don't be afraid to claim it as true. You aren't being delusional, You aren't aiming too high, No it's not that farfetched, It's okay to want what you want, It isn't impossible (unless you assume it is). Stop letting fear take over your power. If you can desire it you can have it.
More often than not people stumble upon manifestation because they are desperately trying to manifest something. Like their SP, or money or the job or appearance change or whatever it might be. Most people fail at manifesting what they want the most. In my personal opinion, it's because you're so busy "TRYING" to manifest it and just stuck in the process and have just too much resistance. You guys are never like - I have it, but instead like - I'm trying to manifest it. I'm manifesting this and that.
Change that. You are not gonna be stuck in that anymore. You are gonna decide now and here that it is already done. You have it. It is yours. NOT TOMORROW, NOT TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY, BUT NOW.
You have it now. If you can accept this, nothing can stop you from having what you want.
#law of assumption#loass success#loassblog#loass states#loassumption#loass post#loass#affirm and persist#loa#loa tumblr#neville goddard#consciousness#loa blog#loatwt#loassblr#loablr#loa success#imagination#shradsmanifestt
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the call. I (sevika + vi)
SYNOPSIS: reddit: a place for thought-dumping and being horny [college au] WORD COUNT: 9.5K WARNINGS: this was supposed to be dark but its very crack-ish, sevika and vi play rugby(kinda minor plot tbh), oc is a crazy redditor and wears skirts, STALKING, 90% SMUT MDNI(fingering + phone sex + munching + mult orgasms + dirty talk, tensionnnn) brief mentions of grief and loss bc me, recreational drug use, JUST TOXIC, abby makes an appearance later A/N: WROTE THIS WITH MY BABY!!! @trackinglessons art by lottie my love my light my everything this is a product of #OVULATIONWEEK and the #ARCANETAKEOVER
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r/AskReddit
u/artkiller    3y
no one likes me.Â
i [f18] donât have any friends. at all. i donât have anyone thatâs not family that likes me and sometimes im convinced my family regrets keeping me adound. i just moved cities for uni and havenât been able to have a valuable conversation with anyone and im starting to think iâm the reason why. to be honest iâve always been the âweirdâ one or whatever ppl at school called me. but i donât think im weird at all. I think iâm nice but ppl treat me like a germ lol they just stare and whisper to each other but i know theyâre talking about me
does anyone have any advice on being more approachable? or whatever iâm not even sure what to call it tbh.
kewlio313 ⢠3y
Everybodyâs weird in college! Youâre young and finding yourself. Join some organizations and put yourself out there! Itâll work out kidÂ
     artkiller OP ⢠3y
     i wish there was a chess club lolÂ
Margie ⢠3y
how do you go about approaching people?Â
      artkiller OP ⢠3y
      i just walk up and start talking about myself
      Margie ⢠3y
      Okay⌠and whatâs their reaction?Â
      artkiller OP ⢠3y
itâs different every time. sometimes they just leave, sometimes they laugh then leave, other times theyâre outwardly mean. one guy told me to âshut the hell up bitchâ and i immediately wanted to commit a federal crime(not murder)
      Margie ⢠3y
      Goddamn lol. Maybe u r weirdÂ
miKrophone ⢠3y
shut up hoe
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     ?? :/
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r/AskReddit
u/artkiller    2y
Advice Needed
how do you know if youâre mentally ill?
hello fellow redditors. lol. iâm finally back⌠very odd first term i think i got ghosted or whatever itâs called by some dude on the hockey team but yeah i plotted homicide. iâm pretty sure that situation sent me into a spiral. i think im sick.Â
iâm not sure whatâs going on with me but my thoughts have been really dark recently. not necessarily suicidal or harm inflicting(on myself) but⌠yeah⌠prettyyyy dark. idk. itâs weird what my brain conjures up sometimes. i guess im curious why my brain thinks the way it does. iâm not a bad person and i know that, but my brain makes me believe that i am. idk what to do at this point. iâve never been to a professional and tbh i donât think i should because i donât wanna be admitted somewhere lolÂ
kewlio313 ⢠2y
Welcome back kid. Itâs often better to seek help even though it can be fucking horrifying, especially in adulthood. Get help and youâll be fine
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     and if iâm not fine? what do i do then?Â
     kewlio313 ⢠2y
To be frank, I'm not sure. Iâve been through alot and even I donât have clear direction on life. Iâve been allowing my intuition to guide me for some time. Just try it and see what happens. Rooting for you
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     thank youÂ
â
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller    2y
Advice Needed
am i a lesbian?
i [f19] think im attracted to females. i canât stop staring at their tits. i always assumed my middle school peeping was from jealousy or whatever the hell twitter said but now that iâm grown i think i wanna fuck girls. or like. girl adjacents??? idk the terminology or whatever.Â
PetersJoker ⢠2y
go eat some pussy and find out
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     no fuckhead
kewlio313 ⢠2y
⌠Girl adjacents? Females? Are you actually 40?Â
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     is this a dig
     kewlio313 ⢠2y
     You crack me up. Have you experimented before?Â
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     i never passed a science class
     kewlio313 ⢠2y
     ⌠Alright.Â
 I meant hooking up. Have u kissed a girl before? Slept with one? Or whatever you youngins say these days?Â
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     no. iâm not a slut lol i hardly go outsideÂ
     kewlio313 ⢠2y
Finding out what you like isnât being a slut. Youâre in college for fucks sake. Find you someone to lay with, ya loser.Â
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     or i should just shoot myself. less complicated then sex
     kewlio313 ⢠2y
     Maybe so, but theyâre equally as messy.Â
ButchesForChrist ⢠2y
Questioning is usually the first sign. Lol
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     fuck me
     ButchesForChrist ⢠2y
     Well
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r/AskReddit
u/artkiller    2y
what does sex feel like? (wlw)
[f19] just watched scissor porn for the first time. what the fuck was that. (i need it)
MisandristInTraining ⢠2y
the work of demons aka men
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     i drink their blood
     MisandristInTraining ⢠2y
     Lmao
OnHorseback ⢠2y
Feels like dying but emotionally ⢠2y
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     i wanna die physicallyÂ
     OnHorseback ⢠2y
     Iâm sure some dirty fuck can set that up for you
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     lit
kewlio313 ⢠2y
Welcome to the dark side.Â
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     flirt a little harder oldheadÂ
ButchesForChrist ⢠2y
Ready to come out?Â
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     of where
     ButchesForChrist ⢠2y
     BitchâŚ..
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__
__
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller    2y
home sweet home.Â
hello found family. been mia bc fuck school but iâm back⌠and i think im a sadist.Â
does anyone know where rugby originated from? i like watching large women be physical w each other and i wish they would harm me in similar ways. pls push me to the floor and stomp me out(specifically directed to one pink head) iâve been thinking dirty things all day i need her so fucking bad. is this why ppl r so obsessed with sex? bc of hot people? i get it now. i need her to bend me over and put her cleat on my neck
lezziesthatembezzle ⢠2y
good morning to u too bitch
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     big muscly girls pls rail me from da bckÂ
     lezziesthatembezzle ⢠2y
     someone muzzle this thot
Accuntress ⢠2y
A dykeâs pride and joy: large women.Â
kewlio313 ⢠2y
This is crazily your most normal post. Missed ya. Do well in school
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     :3 đŠˇ
[deleted] ⢠2y
The cards are in my favorÂ
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     would you like to sex through private message?Â
     [deleted] ⢠2y
     What the fuck you crackhead
â
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller    2y
Advice Needed
sex addiction while a virgin?Â
is this possible? i shouldnât have watched ppl with big clits trib. quite criminal. even more criminal when iâve imagined the girl iâve been following around for the past 2 weeks doing it to me
[deleted] ⢠2y
is this who we areâŚ.Â
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     obviously.Â
kewlio313 ⢠2y
This is my last straw.Â
     artkiller OP ⢠2y
     hugs xD
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r/AskReddit
u/artkiller    6mo
iâm confessing.Â
idc anymore. i donât give a FUCK. i am in love. i [f21] am in love. the deepest kind i think. love at first sight truly. itâs the kind of love thatâs painful. it kills and leaves behind trails of misery if betrayed or lost. whenever i see her, i cry from happiness. her joy is my joy. her hurt is my hurt. our hearts are forever intertwined no matter the distance. iâm writing this for her. if you ever see this: i love you, darling. thereâs not a second that goes by where youâre not at the forefront of my mind. iâll treasure everything weâve built thus far, and promise to never take it for granted. i hope to die by your side.Â
i love you. i love you so much.Â
even if weâve never spoken.Â
kewlio313 ⢠6mo
Yup⌠sheâs lost it, folks. Very deep sigh.Â
     ButchesForChrist ⢠5mo
     Thatâs part of being a lesbian. Sheâll live. Trust me
â
â
â
âViolet! ⌠VIOLET!â
Whyâs Sev always so loud in the goddamn library? The receptionist already has tacks on her behavior chart like some kindergartener. âI heard you! Jesus Christ, Iâm sitting right fucking next to youââ
âI wouldnât haveta fucking scream if you woulda answered me when I asked 3 days ago! Are you coming on Saturday?âÂ
How does she tell Sev fuck no bitch I donât wanna go in a polite manner? Itâs the first weekend after Christmas break and quite frankly, she's already sick of being on campus. Vi loves her friend to death but holy fuck does she wish she had an off button.Â
âJust come the hell on and stopââ
âDude, Iââ
âYou know itâs not gonna be fun if youâre not there! Half the bitches are cominâ for you! Plus⌠I think you could use a fun time after⌠yâknow.â Sevika softens â only a bit, she's still Sevika. Hard ass.Â
She does know. At this point, who doesnât? Her last year of university started on a bad foot when her family home caught aflame with her little sister and father still inside, but the icing on the cake was when her long term, blue-haired girlfriend sent her the can we talk? important text. Now sheâs single with corpses for relatives(she thinks her sister wouldâve found that funny). Her teammates returned to campus with her; eyes mournful and hearts sunk to the bottom of their stomachs, so prepared to shield and coddle when needed. Sev was one of them: through every breakdown and anxiety attack and hungry but nauseating night.Â
âIâm not tryna bring up old shit. You been through a lot and deserve some fun. Thatâs all Iâm sayinâ. Get your last bit of jitters out before the season starts.âÂ
Vi nods. She gets it. Losing her sister was just as much of a loss for Sev as it was for her, but somehow, she was able to ease back into herself. Become⌠normal again. Socializing takes so much energy outta Violet, now. Sheâd rather go lift or go sock the shit outta rich person. In some ways, she wishes she had as much willpower as her friend.Â
She knows why Sev wants her to go. New pussy, new me, her and Abby once told her, but sheâs not in the mood to smash right now. Sheâll probably start crying if they donât kiss both her cheeks before her nose like⌠Ugh. She shivers in disgust⌠and extreme longing. She misses her ex like crazy.Â
âI know. Iâll, uh, think about it.âÂ
âMâkay⌠now what the fuck is epitactic theory.âÂ
âGirlâŚâÂ
â
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller    12mi
Advice Needed
how crazy is it to ask for a threesome from two ppl that donât know you?Â
[f21] iâm currently in my campus library watching my girlfriend study with her teammate from my stiff ass beanbag and i need them both like crack. how do i bring intercourse up without making it awkward or uncomfortable? help asap pls
also i might c her this weeknd sheâs going out and i wanna go
CreamTeam ⢠5mi
Wait ⌠so is she your girlfriend or not?? đđÂ
     artkiller OP ⢠2mi
     we have a complicated relationshipđŠˇ
     ButchesForChrist ⢠1mi
     Aka sheâs stalking her. Scroll down a little
     artkiller OP ⢠30s
     stay out my businessÂ
     CreamTeam ⢠1s
     What the fuck
kewlio313 ⢠2mi
I thought we were better than this, honey.Â
     artkiller OP ⢠30s
     you prob are. im not
     kewlio313 ⢠4s
     Deep sigh.Â
Your phone drops from your jittery hands and into your lap, screen glowing with every disappointed reply from fucking Kewlio who youâve grown to love. You like to call them a friend. A faceless, emotionally intelligent, oddly attractive friend who youâve never met.Â
The love of your life is right there, as always. Exactly 34 steps away, past the shelves littered with history novels and biographies, sat at the table surrounded by Liberal Arts textbooks and her star-littered laptop. Black jacket, black shirt, ripped black jeans, hair dyed black: thatâs new. Still streaked with pink and somehow youâre even more hungry for her. Sheâs looked a mess recently: beaten and bruised, coming to class with black eyes and bandages across her pretty nose. It makes you wanna burn down the entire Arts and Sciences building with everyone inside of it.Â
Sheâs annoyed with Sevika, you can tell. Theyâre talking about something. Maybe her sister, rest in peace. Or piss if she sucked. Whatever. A small part wishes you listened a little closer when she talked about Jinx(weird ass nickname, but okay) so youâd know exactly what to ask. She can take out any aggression or sadness on you anytime. In here, outside. Youâd drop âem for her wherever.Â
Kewlio is a dirty liar. Youâre not a stalker. Youâre a fan, an admirer, a lover. Your girlâs simply unassuming⌠How the fuck is that your fault?Â
She wonât be like that for long, though.Â
Vi lost her cleats a few days ago. Her black and blue ones that are worn the hell down and hanging at the seams, but she loves them. Wears them almost every match despite how unsteady they make her on the field. Theyâre her lucky charm, besides you, of course.Â
Her lucky charm found her lucky charms.Â
And by found, you mean broke into her gym locker with the code you memorized 2 years ago and snagged âem. She should really get those locks changed before someone takes something important.Â
The explanation of how you found her cleats exactly? Youâre not sure and youâre not dwelling. Sheâll be so relieved that you found them that it wonât even matter. Might even drop to her knees and praise you like a God. Is she religious? One of the minor details you donât know about her.Â
But youâll find out soon enough. No worries at all.Â
You wonder how Caitlyn is doing.Â
â
Rabbit holes are either your best friend or worst enemy. Today, theyâre straddling the fence. Your brain never shuts off when you're in a crisis. Youâre ovulating, overstimulated, and searching for a cure from someone youâve never said hello to.Â
The internet can solve your problems though. Especially if theyâre sex-deprived millennials. Their long-term lack of human contact makes for some hilarious stories and useful what-not-to-dos.Â
how to finger a vaginaÂ
vagina g spot where is it
where is clit vagina
vagina map
scissoring hacks positions
lesbian sex how to
can lesbians do analÂ
is mommy kink a trauma response
Reddit searches are always on your side. All answers to the world at the tip of your fingers. You love the media! Squirting is not pee evidently. PornHub comments are not a reliable source. You should ask your girlfriend if she squirts.Â
Caitlyn would know. Fucking BITCH!
how to make girlfriend come
Mansplainer misogynists geeking about making their wives do housework while they sit on their asses and flirt with young Discordians. âI clap and she appearsâ
âŚ
You should craft a bomb that only targets cis-het men because what the fuck is going on right now.Â
how to make girlfriend cum
â[M48] Iâve never made my wife climax and weâve been together for 15 years and have 2 childrenâ
Your eyes are fucking burning. Is it bad to wish death on a person? Cursed imagery. Your fingers attempt to salvage the last bits of your sanity.Â
how to make girlfriend orgasm wlw
date ideas lesbian
am i crazy quiz
insanity quiz
Youâre normal youâre okay youâre literally fine.Â
mental illness signs for lesbians
what does dying feel lik
âMaâam.â
You gasp sharply. Librarian. Fuck oh shit
âHi. Weâre, uh, lockinâ up, soâŚâÂ
Youâre still at the library. How much time has passed? How many rabbit holes have you fallen into? Whereâs your girlfriend? Her and Sev are goneâŚÂ
But you know where to find your g-spot! Hooplah!
âOh yeâ Yeah! Uhh⌠bye.â You stand so fast you get whiplash. Your backpack beats against your back when you adjust the straps on your shoulders. Headphones on, music blasting, and just like that, the world is off and youâre on. Right into the darkness of the city.Â
You love a stripperâs playlist in times like this.Â
You love Reddit in times like this.Â
You walk and walk with an extra skip in your step. Time to drive Kewlio crazy.Â
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller    1s
guys im happy
the joy that i feel rn is unmatched. i love my life. im so excited for the future. thank you god and or universe for these blessings
And post. Nothing could wipe the smile off your face. Nothing nothing nothing you love it here! You love school. You love your girlfriend and her friends and her sport.Â
âOofââ
âAHââ
You back connects with the angles of your hardcovers and fuck you hope your laptop survived that drop. Not enough cushion in your bag to cover that fall fuck your life you hate everyoneâ
âYOU FUââ
âHoly fuckinâ shit Iâm so sorry are you okââ
And your mouth zips. OhâŚ
Oh.Â
Your girlâs in running shorts. Squeezing her thighs good ân tight and she glistens with sweat, brows pulled down in concern as she eyes you from above. If the fun was still out, the rays would dress her head like a halo. A heavenly sight. Youâd die here⌠but not before a drop of her sweat falls on your face. You need that at least once. Zooweeemaâ
âAre you okaâ fuck, gimme your hands, up ya go, câmonââ
Oh sheâs talking. And grabbing you.Â
Your hands are warmed by skin and your spine tickles when youâre pulled to your feet like a feather. The pain in your back and shoulders donât fucking matter anymore. Life works in mysterious ways, doesnât it?
âHi, Vi.âÂ
âIâmâ hey, uh⌠do we know each other?âÂ
We love each other actually!Â
âNoâ I uh, sorry! I go to watch your matches and all that. Kinda a fan⌠Sorry if thatâs weirdââ
âNo no no no, not weird at all. Uh, very flattering actually. âPreciate it.âÂ
Youâre gonna fucking pass out.Â
âAre you okay though? Nothing hurts, right?â And your knees wobble when a squeezing hand lands on your shoulder, gauging you for pain. No pain. Just deprived. Needy. Desperate. Touch me some more.Â
âM good.âÂ
âCoolâŚâ Her hand drops and you nearly screech like a banshee, âAnd your name? Sorry bout tââ
You interrupt with yours and she smiles. Nice to meet you, she says with gravel and your heart grows another heart inside of another heart. Holy fucking youâre boutta
âI like rugby.âÂ
Kill yourself. Youâre boutta kill yourself.Â
Viâs eyes widened before nodding in agreement, âYeah⌠me too. If it wasnât obvious enough. Itâs a great⌠stress reliever.âÂ
So is sex, according to Sexcopedia.edu. Do me.Â
âReally? It looks painful sometimes.âÂ
She sighs with tension, âIt is. We gotta lot of aggressive people playing against us so we have to always⌠do more. I guess, I dunno. But whenever Iâm mad itâs great. Very useful.â
âAre you mad often?âÂ
âAre you studying psychology?â She pins with an arched, slit brow, but her eyes remain light and friendly. Itâs funny, she doesnât appear to be this approachable with her grunge-ness. Â
âNah. I need to, though. Could do me some good.âÂ
Her laugh is hearty. Genuine. âShit, me too. Help me out.â
âDo you wanna be my friend?âÂ
She seems stunned and you donât know why. Doesnât banter create friendship? Whatever. Fuck it. She can say no. You donât care. You still got her shoeâ
âGimme your phoneââÂ
Your heart drops to the floor, through the concrete, right into the center of the Earthâs crust waiting to burn and cease to exist. Sheâs got you figured out. Youâve been exposed and sheâs gonna fry you in the middle of the damn street
ââIâll put my number in.âÂ
⌠Oh.
You meticulously make sure your notis are deleted and OFF before handing her your device with the keypad on display. Her fingers are pretty and nimble. Flexible with how slender they are. Pretty hands. Pretty, blue veins and you're instantly reminded of her ex. You hate the color blue.Â
She hands your phone back, âThatâs me. Hit me up when you get⌠wherever youâre going. And lemme know if I need to cover your medical expenses for spinal cord surgery.âÂ
You laugh. Really fucking loudly and she flinches, but smiles after. Sheâs so fucking cute! Is this flirting?Â
âY-Yeah, I will.â
Her head tilts fondly, âCool.â
âCool.âÂ
She gives you one last look before plugging her earbud in to continue her jog. You check her contact to make sure itâs real and fuck you have her fucking number! Fuck fuck fuck fuck
You leap like the happiest frog in the pond when sheâs out of your line of view and a sharp pain whips through your shoulder blades.Â
â
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller    3mi
lads i just got proposed to. spring wedding in sweden
number collected. so it begins.Â
kewlio313 ⢠48s
Christ help us all.Â
CreamTeam ⢠10s
Ring pics.Â
     artkiller OP ⢠3s
     cawk ring pics***
     CreamTeam ⢠1s
     Shouldâve fuckin known. I hate you genuinelyÂ
â
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller    30s
whenâs a good time to text the girl youâre obsessed with?Â
[f21] soooo iâm laying in bed lookignat her contact and idk what to do. iâve fantasized about this so many times and now its in my lap⌠im so used to shit going wrong that idk how to react to it going right. itâs kinda late but i really wanna talk to her but idk she might be sleep or whatever.Â
should i scale her building and check if sheâs awake? :(
â
Vi doesnât know why thereâs a pit in her stomach. She sits on her teammateâs fluffy rug with a smoked out Sevika who patiently waits for her green light, but it hasnât come. She feels an oncoming breakdown and she needs a babysitter just in case.Â
âFinish this for me?â A roach floats in front of Viâs face before she pushes it away.Â
âNo.â
âBuzzkill.âÂ
Sev and Vi sit in silence for 12 seconds before the roach is stolen and hit by the latter. Sevika snickers. Vi drops her head on the couch and exhales her worries through clouds. Stressed, anxious riddled, maybe not the best headspace to get high but fuck it.Â
âWhatcha thinking about?â
She shrugs, âEverything.â
âTalk ta me. Whatâs happening.â
Viâs face burns when her mind plagues with you. Your giant bifocals and smudged mascara and acrylic-stained hoodies. You had a backpack on⌠Could be a student here. You might be a freshman. Vi hates making assumptions about strangers but you seemed a littleâŚÂ
Immature? Your eyes were too shiny to be a senior.Â
âYouâre gonna laughâŚâÂ
âIâll always laugh at your stupid ass,â She snickers. âWhat happened, though, seriously.âÂ
Wafts of smoke curl around her words, âI almost bulldozed a girl earlier.âÂ
Sevika scrabbles to her knees with a slack jaw, âWHAT THEââ
âOh my fucking god can you be normal forââ
âBITCH BULLDOZED? WHAT THE FUCK FREAKY ASS BITCHââÂ
âNOT LIKE THAT!â Vi scoffs, âI went on a run and bumped into her! Fucking WEIRDO!â Â
Sevika slumps back on her ass, clearly disappointed, â⌠Oh.â
Vi tends to the roach until her fingertips burn, stubbing out the burnt paper on Sevikaâs ashtray. When she looks up, she finds a very intrigued looking fox. Here she fucking goes.Â
âShe hot?â
Viâs sigh is littered with agitation at her friend while she laughs, âI hadta fucking ask! Tell me! She smell good?âÂ
âI donât fuckinâ remember! We talked for like⌠2 minutes!âÂ
â2 is enough time to check her out. Showâa hands, how fat were her tits? Like this?â Sevika mimes holding watermelons that are too goddamn heavy and Vi cringes.Â
âYou fucking disgust me.âÂ
Sevika relaxes back onto her elbows, legs extended in front of her. Her brow quirks when she catches Viâs gaze drop to her waist, âMeh. You like that about me.âÂ
âSometimes. Not when Iâm in a crisis.â
âMeeting a girl is a crisis now?âÂ
âYes! I donât fucking know, she wasâŚâÂ
Honestly, Viâs unsure how to describe you.Â
âDoes she at least go here! Youâre not giving me shit to work with.âÂ
âI DONâT KNOWââ
âDONâT FUCKING YELL AT MEââ
Vi groans with her palms in her eyes, âShe just asked to be friends. She told me she watches us play and that sheâsââ
âBack the fuck up,â Sevika raises up again, âDo you not see whatâs happening here!âÂ
ââŚâÂ
âYouâre actually fucking stupid, wow,â She scoffs, âYou know she set all that up, right?âÂ
â⌠What in the fuck are you talking abouââ
âShe ran into you on purpose! Sheâs a fan bitch!â Sev reaches for her phone on the coffee table, âWhatâs her Instagram?âÂ
Vi whines, âI donât knowââ
Before Sevika can cuss her out for the 40th time, she bursts, âI GAVE HER MY NUMBER!â
â⌠Did you get hers?âÂ
ââŚâÂ
âBROTHERââ
âShut up! Iâm not⌠I donât flirt! I donât know how, not anymore! She caught me off guard honestly.â
âWhat's her name?âÂ
Vi sheepishly mumbles your title; itâs slimy the way it curls on her tongue. You were so nice and now sheâs setting you up to be pestered by her best friend.Â
Itâs silent for 3 minutes, only the pittering of Sevikaâs fingers on her device while she hunts for you. Another 4 pass before she tosses her phone in annoyance.Â
âYou sure you werenât hallucinating? Nothingâs poppinâ up.âÂ
âYouâre so annoyââ
WHO THAT IN THE BAAAAAAACK, WHO THAT IN THE BAAAAAAACK
Viâs phone screen glows gray with an unsaved number across the top⌠One with their area code⌠Sevika watches the number scroll like a hawk. The smile that grows on her face is crooked. And knowing.Â
Itâs 11PM. Itâs not you. It couldnât be you.Â
âThatâs your ringtone?â Sevika snorts.Â
âShut up.â Whyâs she so anxious all of a sudden? Her sweaty palms arenât enough to stop her from reaching for the device, though.Â
She answers and puts you on speaker.Â
âHello?âÂ
ââŚHi. Itâs me.âÂ
Sevikaâs brow lifts in questioning. Is that her? She mouths and Vi nods. Her eyes roll when her friend whispers, cute voice. Â
Sheâll never say, but Sevikaâs presence re-energizes her. Makes her a little more playful, so she teases, âMe who?âÂ
A beat of silence passes before you start mumbling to yourself, âIâm gonna fuckinâ throw up is this the wrong perââ
Sevikaâs hand flies over her mouth to smother her laughter while Vi coddles you; laughs that sheâs joking and that she was waiting on your call. Her cheeks burn when her teammate throws her an accusatory look.Â
âDo you mean it?âÂ
âMean what?âÂ
âThat youâve been waiting on me?âÂ
Before Vi can answer, Sev raises up onto her knees and mimes fucking somebody from the back, face slack with faux and exaggerated pleasure. She ignores the sinful jolt in her tummy and flings a throw pillow right at her face.Â
âYeah, âcourse I wasâŚâÂ
And then itâs silent again. Her muscles freeze with every deep breath you take over the phone. Sevika waits expectantly, talk to her, she says with flapping fingers.Â
âWhatcha up to?âÂ
â⌠Uhh⌠nothing?â
Your laugh is featherlight, âAre you asking me?âÂ
âMaybe?âÂ
Sevikaâs had enough of the tomfoolery. She wiggles over and hits the mute button with a heavy slam. Leans in close while she whispers,Â
âDude, sheâs tryna fuckââ
âNo, she isnâtââ
âYes she is, dodo, did you hear how she was talkinâ?â Her tone heightens in pitch, mocks seduction, âYou were waiting on me, baby?ââ
âH-Hello?â Your mumble is drenched with insecurity. Sevika doesnât give a fuck.Â
âSee?â She nearly screams, âSheâs DJinâ right nowââ
Violet shoves her back before unmuting, âSorry, mâhereâŚâ
â⌠Was it a bad time to call?â Youâre quieter now. Ashamed sounding. Embarrassed.Â
âNot at all! Sorry, I was smoking earlier, makes me lose my train of thought.â
âItâs okayâŚâÂ
âYou make it home safe?âÂ
âMhm. I was about to fall asleep but then I remembered to call, soâŚâ
Vi catches her smile before her friend can bully her for it, âSo, you calledâŚâÂ
âYes,â said excitedly. She can hear your smile. Very puppy-like. Cute. Vi jolts when Sev starts snoring obnoxiously fucking loud. She flicks her forehead.Â
âIs someone there with you?âÂ
Both their eyes widen. A sharp hand raises to slap Sevika, but she flinches before it lands, âSorry. Just my stupid ass roommate.â
âHi, Sevika.âÂ
Youâre oddly calmâŚ. But why wouldnât you be? You had no other intent for this phone call other than keeping your promise. They still share a look though; a brief flash of intrigue and skepticism. Howâd you knowâŚ
Itâs not pondered on for long by Sevika before she sings, âHey, sweetheart.âÂ
You sound like the wind has knocked outta you. âH-Hi.âÂ
Sev singles for Vi to pass the phone over to her. She obliges with a hard stare, âI was just passing through, but while Iâm here, I gotta couple⌠questions. That good with you?âÂ
âYes.âÂ
âGood. You single?â
âMhm. For forever, sadly.â
âGreat. Are we at the same school?âÂ
âDuh. Iâm at every match. Weâre, uh⌠graduating together if everything goes as planned.âÂ
So definitely not a freshman. Just when Vi thought it was impossible to finish college without a chip on your shoulder. You seem to have made it through just fine.Â
Despite Sevikaâs reputation of being cold-hearted and abrasive with wicked flirtation skills, she speaks to you like youâve been in her life for years. Gentle. Inquiring. She lays flat on her stomach with her feet kicked up behind her, âWhatâs your major?âÂ
âArchitectural engineering. Whatâs yours?âÂ
âYouâre so smart. âM doing mathematics. You should tutor me when you getta chance.â
âSure. Just lemme know when. Iâm always in the library, so.âÂ
âWell, what a fucking coincidence, so are we! You coulda dropped by and said hello if that was the case.âÂ
âIâm trying to do that now⌠Am I doinâ okay?â
âJust fine actually. Arenât you sweet.âÂ
âI taste sweeter.âÂ
Sevika drops the phone on the plush rug beneath them. Sits upright with urgency. Gawks at Vi whose jaw is nearly in her lap. Thereâs hardly any air in her chest. She squabbles for her phone and ensures that the volume is all the way up. Holds the device right in between them.Â
â⌠Swear? I donât think thatâs possible.â Sevika hums at you, holding her roommateâs gaze while her tongue traces over the dryness on her lip.Â
âYou could find out⌠Both of you can if you wanna.âÂ
ââS that easy?â Sevika rasps, and Vi flinches when her breath hits her mouth. Leans in a bit closer to feel more on her face.Â
âWhy do you sound like that?â Vi huffs at your genuine curiosity. Youâre so fucking cute, fuck.Â
âBecause youâre turning me on, hon,â Her gaze washes over Vi and her skin burns with trails. âBoth of us.âÂ
âOh⌠cool.â You exhale unsteadily. They canât help but laugh at you. âCool?â Vi repeats.Â
âYeah. Awesome. Iâve never done that to someone before.âÂ
âYou a virgin?âÂ
âYup.â
âFaceTime us.â
âI have a Samsung.âÂ
Both girls explode into laughter, âWeâll call you, then, Jesusââ Vi sends an eager finger towards the small camera before you mumble,Â
âWho says Iâll answer?âÂ
Sevika tuts, âYou donât wanna watch us kiss?âÂ
âIâd rather watch in person.âÂ
Sevika throws Vi a look and sheâs instantly reminded of Abby. Usually, that glance â filled with an equal amount of tenderness of filth â is shared between her teammates and sheâs forced to endure whatever nonsense they plan to take out on somebody together, but now sheâs here. Sevikaâs including her in such a sacred ritual. Sheâs suddenly skittish, âYouâre killing me, baby. Whatcha doing this weekend?â Sev quiets, timbre amorous.Â
âPlaying Overwatch.âÂ
âFuck that shit. Come to Kappa on Saturday. Everybodyâs goinâ.â Sevika snips down at Violet, and she whines while her fingers dig into her roomieâs tank top. A little closer, and theyâre kissing. Just an inchâ
âWhatâs Kappa?â
Vi giggles, âHouse,â Sevika mumbles against Viâs mouth, âFrat house. Right off 16th. It's bright blue, canât miss it.â Â
ââK, Iâll go. See ya there.â
âWhââ
Three dial tones break through the smoke in the air before the screen goes dark, both girls left stunned and⌠very tempted to track your location. Maybe pop a titty for your RA in exchange for your room number. Wouldnât be the first timeâŚ
⌠Is that too much?Â
It could be, but you didnât hesitate to drop bomb after proposition, and the selfish part of her heart canât help but think you wouldnât mind two ravenous strangers at your front door. The knowledge that theyâd give you everything you needed would be enough for you to allow them entry.Â
And the way Sevikaâs staring at her⌠Craving, but careful. Sheâs so patient.Â
Itâs been such a long time â two years since theyâve had any physical connection. Drunken nights, quickies in the locker room showersâ the distractions from grief were all put on the back shelf when Vi got into her relationship. Sevikaâs a sleaze, not a homewrecker â most times, so she kept her hands to herself out of respect, no matter how many times Violet would catch her staring where she knew was off limits.Â
Vi can't get to you, but she can get to Sevika.Â
So she yanks her close, dissolves the space between them as their mouths collide with heat and a newfound ache for you in the middle. Sevikaâs just as rough as she remembers â pushes her down so her back molds to the floor, entangles a cinched hand in her hair to pull and expose her neck to the attacks. Sheâs got blotches and teeth marks on her throat â the unrestrained and possessive and her stomach flips. She gasps at the ceiling when her nightshirt shreds under a forceful hand.Â
She hasnât had the heart to have sex in months â propositions were turned down on dozens of occasions because her mind couldnât focus on enjoying. Every second of euphoria gets overshadowed by hollow, unforgiving guilt.Â
You sparked something in her with your forwardness, that curiosity that left her aching to read your mind. Her best friend, too, evidently.Â
Every movement is fast. She crawls down her torso with intent â fangs sharp where they leave blood down her sternum. Viâs fingers pry Sevikaâs shirt off, her tongue separating from her waist for mere seconds before reattaching. An eager hand fondly moves her friendâs hair out of her face.Â
You want it? Sevikaâs eyes read.Â
Yes, I want it, please. Vi says aloud. Eager with a twisting hand in her scalp.Â
Sevika sends waves through Vi with every wrestle her tongue devotes to her clit. She canât think of anything but Sevika and you and both of you at the same time; on top of her â you sat on her face while Sevikaâs fingers drove inside her. She wants her tongue inside you; unrelenting and feverish until you scream and soak her tongue in your sweetness.Â
Sevika eats like sheâs hungry. She eats like she misses having her like this and that wounds Vi up tight; it sends shockwaves down her legs. Makes her twitch, but Sevika forces her still with a tight grip on her waist.Â
Vi curses with fluttery eyes when a finger â then two, circles around the entrance that aches for a stretching.Â
Theyâre heaven sent when they push in. Sheâs getting fucked like sheâs hated and she loves it. She deserves to feel like nothing; her walls are selfish where they encase the digits that bring her to the sun, massage against every sensitive ridge just how she needs. Her mouth spills with whatever energy she has left within her; slurred and drooled fuck yes yeses. She can barely conjure a warning when her core locks tight, right before she explodes.Â
Thereâs wetness everywhere while she pulses through her pleasure, thighs squeezing around Sevikaâs head with every satisfied moan that vibrates on her clit. Tells Violet to give her more and to take it take it take whatever she gives her like she knows she can.Â
Itâs not until Violet starts sobbing and Sevikaâs mouth is dripping wet that she pulls out and separates from her completely. She kisses her pussy gently before shifting to help unlock Violetâs knees. She shivers with every peck thatâs trailed up her torso to her chest to her neck.Â
Sevika laughs when Vi does, choked and clogged, but elated and genuine. Itâs been so long since her bodyâs felt this light.Â
âYou needed that. Ya look better already,â Sevika cackles. âCan you stand?âÂ
âFuck off, gimme a sec.â Vi shoves playfully at her chest.Â
â
â
â
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller    3s
guys.Â
i love being a liar. it makes me feel alive never let a bitch tell you lying is wrong it literally makes life so much easier!! wishing everyone a good night.Â
everythingâs going as planned. just one more tally on the board and weâre set
â
â
â
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller    20mi
Advice Needed
itâs been 24 hours and my girl whoâs not my girl has been texting me nonstop.Â
[f21] hello. im in a crisis but a good one? if thatâs possible. long story short im in love but not dating the girl im in love with yet. i took some of yâallâs flirting advice and i think it worked. im betting my life that yall do witchcraft. i barely said anything to her and now she wonât međđđ and tbh⌠i think her friend wonât me too!!!!! sheâs always asking about my day and asking if i ate and if id wanna eat with her but i always decline bc im not ready physically mentally like iâm gonna combust the second she walks up to me i barely survived our first interactionâŚâŚ but her friend invited me to a party tomorrow nightâŚâŚ.. wtf do i wear to that iâve never been outside before LOL
might get a train ran on meâŚâŚ WEâLL SEE FRIENDSÂ
adding her undies to the shrine𩷠yaaaay
CreamTeam ⢠14mi
bro is she your girlfriend or not? Itâs been years at this point.Â
     artkiller OP ⢠12mi
     yes i mean no or yes :)
kewlio313 ⢠7mi
Wear something that you wouldnât wear to your parents funeral. Good luck dearÂ
     artkiller OP ⢠5mi
     i would whore out if my family died
     kewlio313 ⢠2mi
     Good God.Â
â
What does genuine happiness feel like?Â
Youâre unsure how long youâve been on your beanbag, but Violet and Sevika have been laughing since you sat down. Theyâre so relaxed around each other, content with silence. Accepting of failure.Â
Youâre not a jealous person at all. Far from, actually, but something furies from within whenever you see them â or people, in general, gleeful; the desperation to feel. You havenât had the privilege. Maybe thatâs why you cling to whatever you have with Vi. She has birthed a wanting inside you. A desire for connection after spending decades comforted by the sound of your own voice. Or comments under your posts.Â
Violet makes you happy. And Sevika might, too. Just as long as she doesnât get too close to your light.Â
Youâre standing right behind Sevika. She canât see you, but Vi can. Her fear is swiftly overshadowed by delight. She greets you with a smile that makes your heart throb.Â
Sevikaâs gaze wanders down to your legs, that remain exposed despite the weather,Â
âYouâre not cold?â She asks. Not exactly the introduction you were expecting, but that makes you giddy. Vi must tell her about you!Â
âYes,â You say with ease, âY'all should come to my room. Itâs warmer there.âÂ
Vi nods after gawking, 2 books immediately tucked to her chest with her bag on her back. Sevika just laughs. She gets it. You like that.Â
â
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller    1s
Advice Needed
how do i mentally prepare for sex? (virginity)
literally fucking freezing walking to my room rn with two burly butches that i want to throw me around and i think theyâre going to bc theyâre not talking to me but the y are very close i donât want them to see my screen guys im about to have a threesome pls fucking help me
â
âCute room.â Violet says, inspecting your horror movie posters and stuffed animals.Â
âThank you.â You smile.Â
I hid the 14 polaroids of you that I had taped to my door. Hope that makes you more comfortable!Â
âItâs just you in here?â Sevika chimes, eyes glued to the small bed up against the wall, right next to your PC setup. You should ask if they gave afterwards.Â
âYes.âÂ
Violet takes her jacket off and hangs it on your doorknob.Â
âAlready takinâ off your clothes?â You plop down onto your freshly made mattress. Both girls look very stiff in your space; Is that normal? Maybe theyâre nervous.Â
Both girls laugh the same. âNot like that. It is warm in here.â Sevika follows in Viâs lead, removing her hoodie and her undershirt is squeezing her and yup those arms are still there those muscles are popping out yup yup yupâ
âYeah. I canât sleep in the cold.â You pat your bedspread for them to sit⌠and they do. On either side of you. Vi brought her notebook and pencil. Sevika brought her heavily ringed hands.Â
She scoffs, âMe neither. Immune system is worse than a newbornâs.âÂ
âDo you get sick easily?âÂ
âYes. I just got over it last week.âÂ
âDamnâŚâÂ
âAlmost got me sick,â Violet pins playfully, skimming through her pages. She erases before rewriting. So so so so smart; too bad both her answers were wrong. Youâll show her the way soon enough.Â
âCoach would hate me. Her star pupilâs under the weather, what ever shall we do,â Sevika mocks and you both chuckle.Â
âThe season starts next week. Yâall nervous?âÂ
âNoââ âYesââ
âIâm nervous for games, not practice,â Vi corrects, âI canât find my fuckinâ shoes.âÂ
âWhat shoes?âÂ
âMy cleats. My sister got âem for me a while ago, wear âem every match for good luck. I donât remember where I fucking put them though.âÂ
âAww, âm sorry.âÂ
Sorry for keeping them in my closet.Â
âS whatever. Just gotta get new ones.âÂ
Small talk is boring as fuck, but it continues between you and Vi. Sevikaâs quiet as a mouse; every glance in her direction is met with hooded eyes. Sheâs very focused on your nightstand drawer. Can she see whatâs inside it? You hope so; Maybe your unworn thongs will motivate them to move this along.Â
âAwww! Wait, you used to play soccer?âÂ
You already know all this. Itâs on her fucking Instagram for fucks sake!Â
âOn the junior team when I was like⌠10! I wasââ
Trash. I kept tripping over the fuckinâ ballâ
ââAnd forgetting to tie my shoes. It was a hot fucking mess!âÂ
Yup. Same as the caption.Â
The laughter between you finally quiets. You count 12 seconds in your head. You raise a hand to place it on the Hello Kitty bandage directly under her eye.Â
âWhat happened here?âÂ
Sevikaâs breathing is very calming.Â
âGot in a fight,â Vi mumbles. Poor things embarrassed! âGot socked in the eye.âÂ
âSorry,â Your hand rests in your lap, âDid I hurt you?â
âYouâre good⌠still stings though. They gotta good one in.âÂ
âHowâd it happen?âÂ
âDonât remember honestly.â
âOh okay.âÂ
The conversation ends. Another 12 seconds.Â
âSo⌠Did you guys fuck after I hung up?âÂ
Sevika smiles and Vi chokes in shock. Theyâre so different. No wonder theyâre so close.Â
âIâ sorry, thought we were studyingââ
âWho said we were gonna study?â You stare at Vi quizzingly.Â
âNo one did. We mighta fucked.â Sevika shrugs nonchalantly.Â
âOh⌠was it fun? Whatever it was.â
âAsk her.â She nods in direction of the girl whose face is beet fucking red. How cute!Â
âVi⌠was it fun?âÂ
Her eyes droop to the pencil in her hand before flicking it nervously.Â
â⌠I guess.âÂ
âYou guess?â
âThatâs what I said.âÂ
â⌠Okay.âÂ
Vi sets her book and pencil on your nightstand before releasing a stuttered sigh.Â
âTell me what happened if ya wanna,â Softness wafts off your tongue.Â
Vi swallows, âI⌠uhâŚâ
âMhm?â
âWe⌠I didnâtâŚâ
âI gave her head til she cried.â Sevika whispers right in your ear; tickling against your lobe and youâre suddenly winded. Viâs legs twist until one crosses over the other.Â
Gave⌠OhâŚ
This isnât new information. Youâre 79% sure Sevika was Viâs first kiss⌠or you heard something like that in passing, so why does the sudden confirmation make you wanna hide? Curl into your blankets and shield yourself from both of them?Â
âOh⌠fun.â Your face burns underneath the skin.
âVery.âÂ
âYupâŚâÂ
âYouâre shy now? After all that?â Sevika almost laughs when your eyes drop to the floor.Â
âItâs uh, easier to talk when no oneâs actually there.âÂ
âWe coulda been if youâd answered the fucking phone.âÂ
â⌠Sorry.âÂ
âItâs okay, baby.âÂ
Sevikaâs captain of the team for a reason; a leader by nature and Vi allows her to despite her anticipation. She's much closer now, the respectful distance she kept up upon arrival now completely shut, her shoulder touching yours, nearly straddling your leg.Â
Thereâs a light tickle on your thigh; Sevikaâs index finger barely grazes the skin exposed beneath the hem of your skirt.Â
âYouâre so stiff,â She whiffs tender against your neck and you choke a noise.Â
âIâm ⌠âmscaredtobreatheââ
âDonât be scared,â Sevikaâs whole hand caresses your knee, eases you into her, all while Vi mouths at your neck. âHere, wanna know a secret?â
You release the air in your lungs, âSureâŚâÂ
Sheâll never tell, so I will. Your head bobs so encouragingly.Â
Vi told me something after she showered that night.Â
With every buttery brustle against your shoulder, Viâs hands gently attack wherever they can reach; the plush of your hips, on your thighs, grabbing at your tummy over your hoodie that takes up too much fucking space for her liking. You canât stop squirming with every taut pull at the pit of your stomach.Â
I was sitting on my bed and she came in, and she smelled so good. I was trying to roll up again, but she took my tray and put it on my dresserâŚÂ
Roll up? Tray? What what what the fuck is she sayingâ
And she got on her knees in front of me⌠and she looked so fucking cute just staring up at me like that, like sheâd do anything to make me happy⌠Sheâs sweet like that if sheâs in the mood.Â
She said âmay I practice on you, please?â⌠And I said okay⌠So she pulls down my underwear and treats me so well. You wanna know who she was practicing for?Â
Yes, yes, pleaseâ
It was you, baby. She kept telling me how good she wanted to make your first time.Â
A strained noise chokes from your throat, and Vi smiles against your ear before her lips close around your lobe and itâs too much theyâre too muchâ
Uh huh, and her tongue felt so fucking good on me. Almost impressive⌠and she loved every second of it.Â
Please⌠please, IâmâÂ
Listen to that, Violet, sheâs so fucking cute, isnât she?
So sweet, too. Bet she tastes so fucking good.Â
Sheâs so hungry for you, baby, Sevika coos at you, Gonna stop teasing and give us what we want?Â
You agree obediently â desperately, with every thrumming cell you can use at the moment.Â
Viâs benign hand rests on your cheek to turn you towards her before kissing you softly. A gentle peck before she pulls away. Itâs overstimulating; Vi kissing and touching you like youâre made of glass while Sevika sucks large bruises on the side of your throat. Your nails dig into the muscular thigh that hardly shakes at your grip in attempts to ground yourself, but they fail because youâre about to faint.Â
Your sun kisses you deeper, holds your face tighter to keep you where she needs to tongue at your lips. Youâre trying to keep up with her, to use the muscle like she uses hers, but youâre falling behind. They donât seem to mind, satisfied with the fact that theyâre gonna devour you regardless.Â
And when Vi lays you back nice and cozy against your pillows while Sevika kisses all over your face, you know youâre fucked.Â
â
Sevika and Vi take turns kissing you.Â
Itâs a messy and uncoordinated mess of teeth and saliva, mainly because of you, but you like it. You love it. You hope they do, too. The warmth of their bodies beside you resonates deep in your core. Whenever one of them pulls away, the next is more than open to take her place, over and over. Your thighs are already shaking.Â
Your hoodies raised up thanks to Viâs wandering hands, tucked right above your rib cage. Your stomach jolts when a feathery finger teases at the band of your skirt.Â
âYou ticklish?â Vi mutters against your cheek.Â
â⌠Nope.âÂ
âYesââ She swipes the same finger against your exposed skin and you jump with a giggle, âyou are. Liar.â
âFuck you!âÂ
âYeah⌠I really, really want to.â
She doesnât give you time to think of a response; just kisses you one last time before climbing onto her knees. Meanwhile, Sevikaâs struggling to get comfortable in your bed. Sheâs essentially on top of you, both her legs wrapped around one of yours.Â
âFucking â small ass mattress! I forgot how much I hate these!âÂ
âS-Sorry! Couldnât afford anything else â mmh!â
Sevika reconnects your mouths while the bed dips beside you. Then thereâs lips on your tummy.Â
Laughter explodes outta you; Sevika canât help but laugh into your mouth while Vi nibbles at your pudge. Her grin glows on your skin before her tongue glides on your hip. Her attention stays there; sloppy noises from above and below, your gasps swallowed with every bite Vi gives you.Â
You hardly register her pulling your skirt down. Youâre just colder. And fuzzier in the head. Sevika breaks away to ask,Â
âHow wet is she?â
Huhâ oh sheâs not talking to you yup yupâ
âCome see.âÂ
Sevika rises from position and youâre even colder. When she whistles at the spot on your underwear, your thighs squeeze shut⌠for 000.3 seconds before she pries them open again.Â
âStop Iâll fucking cryââ
âCry about what? Thatâs so fucking hot. Youâre so cute, baby.âÂ
âBro I wanna dieââ
Sevika rolls her eyes, âBust one last time at least, damn.âÂ
âCan we make it quick please Iâm already on the vergeââ
âOf cumming?â Sevika purrs.
âOf suicideââ
Viâs in hysterics. You shouldnât be this fucking funny. She watches you and Sevika go back and forth with tears in her eyes.Â
You bite, âWonky ass foreplayââ
âIâll strangle youââ
âIâll like itââ
Both of you are fucking stupid. Neither of you notice Vi tugging your panties down. She almost starts drooling at the sight of your pussy. Swallows down the lump of saliva before it can drip down her chin. Youâre wet and throbbing and pretty and you smell like heaven.Â
You gasp when two curious fingers separate your sticky lips; strings of slick cling to Viâs digits. Sevika watches with an insatiable hunger.
âWhat do you like?â Vi whispers, and you shrug.Â
âI dunno, Iâm new here.âÂ
She rolls her eyes, âI mean what do you do when you touch yourself?Â
âI donât do that.âÂ
âNever?â Both girls exclaim.Â
You shake your head. âI tried once and nothing happened so I just ate spaghetti and went to bed.âÂ
âWere you wet?âÂ
Viâs forbearing with her inquiries, but still, youâre on the fucking spot and you might start sneezing from anxiety. Theyâre too patient with you; Maybe youâve been misreading how they were in bed this entire time. You were expecting them to be knuckles deep in every available hole by now.Â
Youâve never been so nervous, and for you, thatâs saying a lot. âI donât remember, it was years ago.âÂ
âYouâve never used toys or anything?âÂ
âI⌠No.â
Sevika stares at Vi, and Vi at Sevika, and you at the wall.Â
Your thighs twitch when velvet nuzzles at them, Viâs voice deep as the ocean. âIâm gonna try something, tell me if you like it and Iâll keep going⌠okay?âÂ
You canât formulate a response but your head bounces in approval. A finger applies the gentlest of pressure on your clit and you expel a wheeze.Â
âOkay?â Sevika hums from above you, a hand easing underneath your hoodie to massage your breast.Â
âYe-ahââ
âSit up for me, honey,â She whispers and you obey so she can creep in behind you, your back resting against her chest. Both her hands rub at your chest this time, her fingers massage your nipples while Vi strokes your clit in slow, teasing circles.Â
âHowâs this feel, babe?âÂ
âGâ good! Great⌠h-hooray?â How do pornstars dirty talk so eloquently? Youâre literally fucking dying right now. Sevika laughs to herself in your neck and your chest burns.Â
âYeah? And this?â She utters right before pressing in, flicking you from side to side and your core squeezes tight. Youâre dripping and she watches so closely.Â
âOh fuckââ
âThere she is, good girl, just feel what sheâs givinâ you.â Sevika rasps against your shoulder.Â
You are feeling and itâs too much for your body to comprehend. Your brainâs never been this focused on one thing. On one feeling, especially one this enjoyable. Itâs so good itâs so good you love your fucking girlfriendâ
âTell me when youâre gonna cum?â Vi says against your soft skin
âUhhâŚ? Iâ oh godââ
âGetting there, baby? Feel how tight youâre getting? I can see it.â
2 ragged inhales and your eyes roll back and your jaw slacks and your nose tickles oh shitâ
âYeah, yeah, give it to me, câmonââ
ACHOO!
Your thigh squeezes shut when euphoria overtakes your entire system; thighs clamping shut around Viâs wrist while she giggles and rubs out your pleasure with ease because sheâs stronger than you. Your initial efforts of staying as silent as possible were in vain because youâre squealing your little head off. Sevika rests back on her hands and watches like a hawk while you thrash and clench and leak all over her roommateâs hand.Â
âGood job. Felt nice, hm?âÂ
You struggle to nod because youâre still cumming so hard and her fingers wonât cease on you. Your thighs stick together with your wetness.Â
âIâm still eating you out, you know that, right?â
Your whines of approval sound wounded.Â
You couldnât see it, but when Vi finally pulled her hand from you, slurping noises swiftly followed, alongside Sevikaâs hums of satisfaction.Â
Mentally preparing for your burial.Â
â
Vi might be obsessed with you.Â
Sheâs back in her original position between your thighs â with Sevika this time because sheâs greedy â and fuck sheâs never been so antsy to give head. She loves it and she loves getting it even more⌠at least she thought so. The aliens could come crashing down from the clouds and her first focus would still be getting you to soak her face.Â
Youâre fully undressed now, minus a sock that slipped off some fucking where but she doesnât give a fuck. Sheâs so desperate to touch you again. It plagues her mind; stuffed with everything that sheâs learned about you thus far. You sneeze before you orgasm for fucks sake thatâs the cutest shit ever â
Can I?
Sheâs asking you and youâre whispering yes, please and fuck you moan so pretty when she first glides her tongue on you. Sevika allows her to ease you into the feeling, but she stays close enough to see every drop of slick that glides on Viâs tongue. Youâre so noisy and she loves that. All she can think about is how loud youâd be with your face in her pillow and your hands behind your back while she â
Vi! Violet! Iâm cumming again!Â
Youâre a fucking dream. An insane fucking freaky ass dream.Â
If anyone were to walk past your room right now, theyâd be appalled at the ruckus that permeates through your space; sloppy sucking noises and encouraging praises and dehumanizing name calling that makes you grind your hips faster. Youâre nearly riding her fucking face.Â
Vi wishes she could see you in entirety; memorize every thrust and wriggle you give into her face, drowning her in your scent and juices and everything she could ever want in this moment. Youâre exactly what she needed; a pliant distraction. You turn her mind off so easily.Â
Sevikaâs greedy and selfish as she raises one of your legs up with ease. You fall back onto the mattress with your back arched to the skies, a cracked wail squeezing from your lungs when another tongue smushes against your clit. Sevika sucks hard at your clit when Viâs tongue swirls down to meet your entrance. The eager muscle wastes no time to shove inside and catch whatever bursts from you.Â
She moves on autopilot; eases one finger past your pulsing heat and your legs start to shake. The digit curls deep inside, plunges into you with vigor and determination to get you there, hits a spot that almost lands her a kick in the back of her head, but she catches you; curls an arm around your thigh to keep you still.Â
And the night â or afternoon or morning, none of you remember, continues like that until youâre drained completely dry and your body contracts from memory.Â
Hours pass when Sevika and Vi finally start tonguing each other down for your viewing pleasure, and it starts all over again.Â
â
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller    1s
2 butches are sleeping next to me rnâŚÂ
never let a hoe tell you to stop following your dreams. iâve been following mine for almost 3 years and now theyâre sleep next to meâŚ.Â
#HAPPYPRIDE
#vi smut#vi arcane#vi fanfic#vi league of legends#sevika#sevika smut#sevika arcane#sevika x you#vi x you#lesbian#rugbyplayer!vi#works đ§§ŕŁŞ#arcane smut#arcane
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âBut Nothingâs working!!â
LOA explained
Pure consciousness explained
Well duh you made that assumption so now nothing is going to work for you. The sad part about this community is most of you are searching for the same thing over and over and over when creators are literally giving you the answers IN their blogs. like what more do you want? Do you want someone to say you need to listen to 432HZ to manifest your goals? that you need to dance in circle and chant 999 times for your desires? No. The Law of assumption is literally always active. like ALWAYS. Everything you assume is going to be put out there because its an assumption.
What really irks me is when people say you have to âgaslightâ yourself into thinking you have your desire, which kind of contradicts the whole point of law of assumption, why would you need to gas light yourself if you know you already have it..? yeah.. those two things donât mix. Let me go over what an assumption is.. which clearly seems so hard for this community to understand.
The Law of Assumption is when you assume something to be true without needing proof.. Why do you lack critical thinking skills when the whole law basically explains what it is.
You donât get what you want. You get what you decide. Why is the law of assumption being so overly complicated for no reason. None of yall did this with the Law of Attraction so why are you doing this with the Law of Assumption?? This also goes with inducing pure consciousness.. i hate bringing this topic up so much because people will take my words and make it into the worldâs hardest problem in history. Imagine one day you DECIDE to induce pure consciousness and you say âhmm okay today i induced pure consciousness instantly! :Dâ And then imagine you get comfy and just breathe and then you suddenly induce the pure consciousness. wow so easy right? because you didnât say âi want to induce pure consciousnessâ instead you said it like it ALREADY happened. Wants and Decisions are very different so keep that in mind.
What is pure consciousness? basically just a state detached from the physical world NO youâre not leaving the physical world, no youâre not teleporting, youâre basically in like a state of where worries donât exist and youâre your âhighestâ self.
Clearing up misinformation.
No you donât have to be in a deep relaxation
No you donât need subliminals
No you donât need a âvoidâ routine
No you donât need sats
No you donât need to affirm mindlessly throughout the day
No you donât need to meditate
No you donât need frequencies
No you donât need to be lucky
Yes you can swallow
Yes you can move
Yes you can breathe
Yes you can have inner conversations
Yes you can count to 2 billion
No it wonât start over if you sneeze
Youâre literally human doing any of these things wonât affect your outcome when inducing pure consciousness. Whoever said you need to be lucky is beyond stupid btw. Whoever said you need symptoms to induce it, is⌠WRONG!! you are taking pure consciousness and seeing it as the most hardest thing in the world when its not, you literally induce pure consciousness when youâre asleep youâre just unaware because youâre sleeping.
Example putting the sleep state and pure consciousness (they are not the same thing but do have similar remedies). Imagine youâre getting ready to sleep after showering and doing your nightly routine if you have one. Your main goal after all of that is to just basically GO to sleep right? youâre not even worried about how youâre going to go to sleep youâre just going to do it. Now imagine youâre going and inducing pure consciousness what you should mainly be focused on is NOTHING, not time, not what, if, how, it, so, why, then, where. NO! just let go guys..
Just Breathe, its okay you will (WRONG WORD) you already have it all, just live. its okay reminder the 4D is the true reality and the 3D has no choice but to reflect to what is shown in the 4D or what is SAID by you.
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I don't really understand it either, but the background is that it was, specifically, weaving cards for brocades, which involve complicated patterns in how warp yarns are lifted that you cannot achieve just by how you warp the loom.
For those un-versed in weaving (I'm only partially versed in it myself): You wave warp yarns, which are held taut on the loom one way or another and create the length of the fabric, and weft yarns - actually, in the simplest form, one long weft yarn - crossing between them along the width of the fabric. And to allow for the weft yarn to pass through, you have to pick up some of the warp yarns. Normally, you thread the warp through one to I guess about eight? heddles (a sort of... comb shape) that hold and allow you to lift specific warp threads in normally a repeating pattern.
For example, a simple rigid heddle setup has just one heddle in which you alternate yarns that are held in place (threaded through single holes), and yarns that can move through the heddle up and down (threaded through slits), and you move the heddle up and down which means you're moving the yarns that are held in place in the small holes up and down, alternating which of the warp yarns are on top of the weft. Does that make sense? Full-blown loom heddles allow for a bit more variety because they don't have a pre-set pattern of being threaded like a simple rigid heddle does - so you can get more complicated weave patterns. So it allows for some complexity in the weave. But it still has a repeat limited by the number of heddles and how you can alternate between them.
Brocades, on the other hand, have huge repeats that the heddle system does not stretch far enough to cover. So traditionally with brocade it's all done by hand picking, but in the 18th century they figured out a way to automate it, with punch cards. Which is where I lose track of how exactly it works - I assume the whole point is that it's done by a system different from heddles, and that the holes in the punch cards going through the machine would determine which parts would move at that point. But that invention of punch cards to automate something complicated led to the inspiration that such punch cards could be used for other complicated pre-programmed processes, i.e. the first, mechanical computers.
Fiber arts is just Math in sheep's clothing
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David Gaider on Zevran, under a cut for length:
"I was going to skip over Zevran, honestly, as I felt like I didn't have a lot to tell in the way of stories about him... but I know he still has some (ardent) fans. Plus, on reflection, I thought maybe I DO have a few things to say. đ
Sooo we'll see how this goes. Zevran came along much later in the DAO process, as we were trying to round out the cast of party members. Alistair and Morrigan were well underway (as "main" characters, they were concepted very early) and I'd just started to consider who our Rogue followers might be when... things changed, a bit. See, BioWare had released a game not long beforehand called Jade Empire. It had included some same-sex options in its romances - not obscured like the way Juhani's "romance" had been hinted at in KotOR, but explicit. To this day, I have no idea who on the Jade Empire team was behind it, or why. More to the point, the same-sex options had received a lot of attention and praise - almost universal praise, in fact. In 2005, everyone was just pleasantly surprised. And I don't recall if I went to James and asked about it or if he came to me to suggest DAO should include it. The latter, I think."
"You might ask "Aren't you gay, Dave? Weren't you already pushing for this?" And the answer to that is, emphatically, "no, not at all". It might seem odd looking through the lens of 2024, but there was no talk of 'representation' or 'diversity'. Not at any level where we were aware of it, anyhow. Today, fans argue about how MUCH representation to include and whether it's done well enough... the idea that, less than twenty years ago, it being included *at all* was very much in doubt feels so far away. But, back then, I'd always assumed my private life and my work in games would never meet. So I think it was James who brought it up, because I remember being startled. Pleasantly so, of course. Now I had to look at our two rogues and figure out how this would apply. I sketched out the female of the two (who was taken on by Sheryl Chee) and then looked at the male - he who became Zevran. I'd been reading about the CIA and one thing that stuck with me was how they'd (allegedly) recruit gay men as assassins because they rarely had familial ties. Zevran wasn't going to be gay (bisexuality wasn't a question of representation, but a cost-benefit compromise) but that was the inspiration."
"Then there was the question of how "flamboyantly" I was writing this character, whether that might be too stereotypical? I don't remember how it arose, but I had too many "flamboyant" friends to do anything other than double down. This character was gonna be Zorro the goddamn Gay Blade, that's what. So that's how Zevran happened. Fun, a bit nihilistic, maybe a bit too overtly flirty for today's audience but very confidently *sexual*. Everything I'm not, so I'll admit it was an interesting exploration to dig down and find that voice somewhere inside. He was the anti-Alistair, and I needed that. Casting him was difficult. Caroline always tried to go for authentic accents, when we could, but for some reason this was getting us nowhere. I think back, and I suspect it's because I hadn't yet learned the lesson to not use terms in casting descriptions I thought were universal... but were not. What do I mean by that? Well, there was one write-up that said "drow elf". Now, I know what a drow elf is. It wasn't even important to the description, but the director saw the word "elf", and you know what we got back? A Keebler elf. Like a leprachaun, high and sweet and cutsie. Can you imagine?"
"In this case, I think it was the use of the word "assassin". Combine that with the sorts of roles many Hispanic actors in LA probably are asked to play, and all the auditions we were getting were 150% dark, mean, and gritty. đŤ So we widened the casting call a bit, and this led us to Jon Curry. I knew Jon wasn't Hispanic, but what I wasn't prepared for when I flew down to meet the DAO actors was that he's this extremely tall, extremely Nordic looking dude who just happened to do the most amazing Antonio Banderas impression. Watching THAT man channel Zevran was... more than a bit surreal. đ
And he had fun with it. As soon as we gave him the go ahead to play the fun and flirtiness to the hilt, that's exactly what he did. Over the few days where we found Zevran's voice, it totally supplied me with something I could hold in my head when I went back to Edmonton and finished writing him. Zevran was funny enough that the fans liked him. The only part of the reception I thought odd was the occasional comment by a male player who felt "tricked" into having sex with Zevran. "You mean... that part where he invites you to his tent for a sensual massage?" "Yes! I was expecting a massage!" "He literally says the massage is sensual." "Well he wasn't clear enough!" This is where I first came to the conclusion that a certain number of our players just don't know how to people. And that maybe an adjustment to the way we approached the messaging (or massaging lol) of romance was in order. If I could go back, would I change anything? Maybe I'd remind the systems team Zevran should really be able to pick a lock. And maybe not allow him to die. We had no idea we'd need to import these choices into the future - we kinda thought DAO was "one and done". Not so much, as it turned out. đ"
[source thread]
David Gaider: "there's something to be said about how Zevran flirted and even had sex with you because he thought that's all he had to offer... not just you, but anyone. And when he realized you wanted something deeper, suddenly he was on unsteady ground and it truly unsettled him. It was fun to explore." [source]
User: "So David - besides loving the fact that the third image you picked is a gay sex scene - what happened in DA2(DAE - come on) with Zevrans design?" David Gaider: "Check the ALT text. It wasnât a custom sculpt, so thatâs as close as they could get it. Which⌠was not close." [source]
User: "Just to make sure I fully understand: the director (was it the voice director?) saw the word "elf" and thought you were looking for someone high, sweet, and cutesie?" David Gaider: "Yeah, this was from back before we managed VO in-house. The voice director in this case just didnât have an association with âelfâ like some familiar with fantasy would." [source]
#dragon age#bioware#video games#long post#longpost#jade empire#lgbtq#alistair theirin#fav warden#morrigan#queen of my heart
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I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?
What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.
#this is my curly slander post ig#disclaimer i need you to understand i see all fictional men i like as like butches Curly is no exception#but like they didnt need to add that many polygons to his chest like its unnessary and honestly a little mean he already has so many things#to handle and you expect him to hold those boys up like that just aint right this is like something so stupid but i know you can tell im#having strong feelings about it cause like what was the point why did they survive the fucking crash it has to be a injoke at this point#with the devs it shouldnt make me this mad im turning into a misandrist but only towards large chested men#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#shitpost#suggestive#ig because this is just about his chest but like also they made him objectively pretty for no reason like yeah like ideal man and work ig#but they went over the extra mile like i have a right to be mad they did that much for a model we see canonically for like two seconds its#crazy actually how little we see of curly pre crash because we also lose his physical movements to help characterize him the way we see#body language with the other characters and how it gives way to their struggles and personalities and sentiments in certain moments#like all he does and how he emotes is stifled by the fact we always play as him until the last moments where he takes over to try and save#the ship and crew and even right before that the scene is so wrought with tension we cant tell what that look he gave Jimmy meant due to#the limitations of the models and how stiff Curly is like was it fear acceptance denial we dont know enought about how he acts himself#to tell and then everything else is charaterized by what Jimmy had done to where we dont really just get to see Curly as himself like Anya#and Swansea and Daisuke we have no idea how theyd act in a regular moment outside of a few glimpses and even then it is them doing#their jobs like grrrr we hate an unreliable narrator but also its the fact jimmy clearly does not interact with them or try to outside of#his position as copilot and then captain harkening back to the entire capitlist view of utility and how he views all of them as useless eve#Curly which fandom tangent the fandom also tends to do to Curly as they base every trait on what they think he failed to do as Captain#between Jimmy and Anya when the QnAs kinda make him out to be a rather open and willing person but still someone who isnt like a push over#just thinking of QnA three where it mentions hes very open to trying new things and you need to be an open minded person to open urself up#to failure like that and ig this is just the weird view that Curly needs to learn that or that theres redemption he needs personality wise#verses healing and learning from trauma like idk its the idea that people assume he did abosultely nothing when the games points out direct#and throught parallels he was taking actions its just wasnt enough and an over focus on absolute inaction vs ineffective methods used to#tackle the issues and themes the game grapples with plus wanting someone to take the blame and have to make it up to Anya even tho#i think it would mean nothing from Curly because she saw his efforts and would be disappointed it wasnt enough but the idea she would#disregard the attempts or not acknoweldge Jimmy as the epicenter compared ot Curly is weird and too focused on someone
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đâđ¨Ciphertology & The Dixonsđâđ¨
SoooooâŚEmma Mayâs family was involved in a cult, right? Let me elaborate. As a fellow creative I have been known on many occasions to forget details big and small about my own world, but names? No, names are never something I tend to duplicate unless for a very specific thematic or world building reason. So color me stoked when I was curiously learning about Billâs cult arc in the 1950âs and found one of his first followers was a young girl with the surname, you guessed it, Dixon!!
Considering Alex Hirsch is very purposeful with things and little hints, while also leaving the audience to figure things out for themselves while he sits back and laughs, I canât help but feel the surname Dixon is a bit TOO coincidental in this instance. From what we see, Ciphertology and the followers were a mash of a bunch of real life cult references while doing the usual Hirsch thing of filtering Bill into a concept perfectly well.
All in all itâs a very interesting thing, but what I found more interesting were the people involved. Sure you have the puppet leader, Silas Birchtree and a bunch of other out there names, but amongst sits a simple âMadeline DixonââŚ.. Alex Hirsch Iâm going to screAM :D
From what we learn, after the cult is forcibly disbanded by the US government and every trace of the town is wiped off of maps and history books, the people are spread throughout the country and given opportunities to start life over again. Not everyone followed that however and some continued to follow the Bill Cipher cult. And honestly I canât help finding myself bouncing back to the very concept that is-
What if Emma May Dixon grew up in a recovering cult family? What if her family still believed in the cults teachings like some and practiced it in secret at home? And if that is true how am I meant to feel towards the idea that her future husband, Fiddleford McGucket, would become a cult leader himself all because of the very thing that was the foundation of her own cultish upbringing?
Honestly if thatâs what Alex was shooting for, Iâm calling him a genius cause thatâs such a fascinating idea to work with. The concept that Bill has personally affected and rooted himself so deeply into the show and itâs characters that even those we donât get to see still have dealt with him to some degree.
It just all feels too perfect too. The surname Dixon implies enough, thanks to Alexâs upfront and to the point naming, that Emma May too is a southerner like her husband. Or at the very least sheâs in that farmy side of the country. And where did Ciphertology come from? Orchard Lake, Kansas. Madeline Dixon very well could be Emma Mayâs aunt or older sister considering the cult began in 1952. And assuming Emâs the same age as Fiddleford and the Stan twins then we can assume vaaaaageuly that sheâd be born in 1955. Meaning sheâd be either growing up in that recovering environment or indoctrinated into it.
We can assume well enough then that she didnât follow the cults teachings considering she seems well adjusted with her family, living in Palo Alto, but it also kinda reaffirms why sheâd be so quick to throw divorce on the table once she sees Fiddlefordâs memory wiped condition. That on top of we can only assume his behavior was alarming and erratic and a far cry from the personality of her husband that she was used to (especially when you consider bRO made a homicidal pterodactyl robot because he was so distraught and upset towards the idea of being divorced..like yeah man..that might solidify her decision my guy..)
But if she ever saw the symbol of Billâs eye or anything in relation to him anywhere in Gravity Falls?? Especially the Society of the Blind eye symbol spray painted all over? After either learning to fear Bill or worship him in her upbringing depending on what their family did after the cult was disbanded? I wouldnât blame her for high tailing it out of there and worrying for her and her sons life- (Fiddleford..Emma May..I am your biggest fans, but yâall have me bonkers sometimes) But also consider how most ex cult members naturally want to give the very opposite traumatic life that they lived to their child? If Emma May were to see semblances of what she relates to Ciphertology in Gravity Falls, I donât have a hard time believing she was getting tF out of there for the sake of Tateâs well being & future
In short- hi, I now believe Emma Mayâs family was in a cult and the very idea of that will ruminate with me for awhile :D But also double hi?? Madeline DIxon looks vaguely similar to how I envisioned and draw my Emma May design? Coincidence, I think nOT :P
#gravity falls#the book of bill#book of bill#gravity falls fandom#emma may dixon#fiddleford mcgucket#ford pines#standford pines#mystery trio#gravity falls theory#gravity falls thoughts#ciphertology#bill cipher
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This this this. I absolutely hold no ill will toward anyone who got a diagnosis in months. Everyone should have that option. Faster, really.
But itâs been hitting me lately about how many little oddities and weird injuries and other problems that made my life hell growing up were more than likely just undiagnosed EDS/POTS/the other muscular dystrophy situation I donât want to think about yet.
Thereâs grief. Being told for decades that you just have weird knees, but being unable to explain why gym class makes you feel like youâre actually dying. I was a skinny little kid and I think doctors and gym teachers wrote it off as me just not wanting to try. I tried and I tried and I tried. I wanted to play a sport like my friends, and because that was apparently the only capital that would get you treated like a real person and serious student by the teachers and administrators. If I had known I couldnât do it because of a disability, just, fuck. My self esteem would have been a whole lot better.
Doctors saying these kinds of things led me down a path of âwell, I just have to work harder.â This turned into an escalator of âeat betterâ (actually helpful) and âwork out moreâ (coulda been helpful with proper guidance.) So I decided over time to take it to an extreme so hard that no one could deny I wasnât doing enough exercise: I started training to run marathons. And I did! Multiples of them! It was a unique and delicious hell.
Runnerâs high is real, and so Iâd spend the first 5 miles staving off agony through mind over matter, snacks, music. Eventually the bone-grinding pain turned to numbness and then the high feeling somewhere between miles 5 to 8, reliably. I could ride that for a while, but when it wore off, it wore off.
Whatever the remaining distance at that point felt like dragging my body through quicksand. Whatever pain I had at the start came back multiplied by ten. But seeing the folks around me, no one was having a great time at the end of the race and I assumed all of this was normal. I would be incapacitated for days afterward, but no one could tell me I hadnât worked hard enough to get there.
I absolutely cannot do this now. I am sad because despite the pain and injuries, it was a lot of fun. I have no idea if I contributed damage to my body but I try not to think about it too hard because itâs so far in the past.
Anyway, to bring it back around, I guess my point is that not having a frame of reference for why your body seems âwrongâ to you, and the people whose job it is to advise you about it justâŚdonâtâŚcan really, really make you spend a lot of time trying desperately to be ânormalâ and it can be potentially dangerous at worst, or at least a waste of time.
It took my entire life (with a decade in the middle where I gave up for a while) to find the right path and the right people to help me understand myself and my weirdo genetics.
I wonder a lot how my life could have been different if I had known more much sooner. But I try not to think too hard about it, either. Just keep moving forward like a shark, one of the things Iâd repeat to myself during races. It still applies.
Iâm going to be a bitch for a second, but when Iâm conversing with someone newly diagnosed with MCAS/POTS post covid and they complain about âthe long waitâ to get diagnosed and that âlong waitâ is 3-4 months my entire brain blue screens.
Like on the one hand, yes those 3-4 months must have been so, so scary and I am so unbelievably glad weâre in a place where doctors know enough to reconize it now. Like truly, I am so sincere I am so happy for them.
But Iâm also just like... 30 years, man.
I spent 30 years being told from the age of eight I was manifesting my allergic reactions through anxiety by health care professionals.
Fuck, five years ago when I was starving to death from how severe my MCAS had gotten an allergist told me it was anxiety.
And you got diagnosed in three months.
MONTHS
MONTHS
AND YOUâRE COMPLAINING
Iâm not mad at them. Iâm not. Iâm just sad for myself.
But also, hey, yeah. If you come into an MCAS forum and wonder why a bunch of the old timers get upset when you complain it took months for a doctor to listen to you, this is why.
It's not that you deserved to wait longer. It's that we didnât either and and sometimes even good changes can unearth a world of hurt.
#healthposting#chronic pain#chronic illness#eds#ehlers danlos syndrome#hypermobility#pots syndrome#incompetent doctors#anxiety#in quotes#lol
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A fic idea where Stan has never told Ford that he now technically has 3 professor titles and a ride or die arch nemesis in theoretical physics Stanley has acquired by accident 15 years ago and has been in bloody theoretical feud ever since, and that he kept up even after Ford has come back.
He has come clean about his actual identity to that arch nemesis sometime during early 2000s, but asked him not to blow his cover, to which his nemesis was like: you can even be a blue man on the moon for all that I care, now explain what do you mean about your paper on string theoryâ
Additional points if the nemesis is affiliated with West Coast Tech, and even more if he defends Stanley's theories and papers when talking with his colleagues while simultaneously being his nr 1 enemy (academically speaking).
And Ford only learns about it when he notices a very thick letter on the table addressed specifically to Stanley and not to him, the twins who got the letter from the postman are just as confused, and when Stan comes out for his break, he's all like "oh a letter from Johnny? Finally, I've been waiting for it forever ever since he called."
Mabel: What's in it what's in it?!
Stan: Nothing you'll be interested in pumpkin, just some new paper about gravitational waves. Apparently they're finally working out the details of making the machine that might actually detect 'em.
Stanford assumes Stanley's lying just because, little does he know that Stan was actually 100% honest, and he forgets about the whole thing until after weirdmaggeddon, when they're sailing on Stan-O-War II, and Stanley's phone starts suddenly playing AC/DC 'T.N.T.' while he's busy outside with the fishing net, and Stan shouts at him to take it, he'll be there in a few.
Ford: Uh, hello?
Johnny: STANLEY! YOU NEED TO ELABORATE ON THE ENTROPY CALCULATIONS IMMEDIATELY!
Ford: Uhh... Stanley's busy right now.
Johnny: You know, your excuses are usually much better than pretending you are not you.
But before Ford can explain the situation, Stanley gets into the cabin, gets the phone from Stanford, and starts talking in scientific jargon so fast that Ford can barely even understand what they're talking about, and this is the moment he realizes two very important things
1) Stan wasn't lying about getting a paper about gravitational waves
2) Holy shit Stanley actually seems to know what he's talking about
3) And Stanford doesn't know what they're talking about since some of the terminology has changed during the 30 years he's been away, new discoveries were also made and holy fuck he needs to catch up asap
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Do we know enough about how Crow succession and talonship works to believe it would be possible for Viago to take the seat of first talon either through some sort of non-violent coup in the absence of an heir to house Dellamorte or through marrying his kid (rook) off to Lucanis? Asking because I really don't know and would love to write something in that direction...and you seem a crow enthusiast...also love your blog
THEORETICALLY. yes.
we havenât seen the talons shift directly, but they do shift, with regularity. house arainai was first talon in living memory and then fell slowly downwards to their current point where theyâre struggling in and out of eight talon like a drowning man who keeps finding his way to air for just enough breath
the eight talons system, if youâll allow me the tangent, is a really fascinating choice of fantasy hierarchy because it is such a clear hierarchy. among a bunch of ambitious killers whose prime goal is notoriety. you can only hold each position here if everyone below you is too afraid to do anything about it. what an anxiety trip it must be to decide whether to push someone down just one rung or to try to destroy them entirely; do you want to leave your rival with more opportunity or more motivation? but crow power is also all about theatre, all about perceptionâyou are first or fifth or seventh talon primarily because everyone agrees that you areâso making a failed gambit for a higher talon has got to be incredibly damaging. which is a risky setup. it discourages attempts, but when someone does make an attempt, they will not be fucking around
anyway ignore all that weâre talking about soft takeovers today. okay so house dellamorte has a dying core family, theoretically. weâre making the assumption that no surviving young children from any branch of the family are mentioned because none exist. we have two heirs, neither very acceptable (my apologies to caterinaâs delusions), both men in their 30s with (again, assumed) no children, and neither making much progress in that regard. (arguably dependent on player choice when it comes to lucanis, but since he can fall in love with and express his undying devotion to any kind of rook, we can at least say heâs not making that much effort.) within a generation the core family may die out. but that is a LONG TIME to wait. you still have to deal with the current ones, theyâre pretty robust
lucanis is the current first talon as of the end of veilguard. can he be convinced to give this up and hand first talon over to someone better suited? i do believe it. mostly because i need to believe, for my mental health, that we can get him out of there. but he also now has a fairly bulky support system full of people who love him and will notice how bad this is going to be and convince him he deserves things like a life he doesnât hate
as always your main problem is caterina. caterina is not going to allow a takeover, soft or otherwise, while she is still alive. caterina didnât give up first talon when they murdered her children. thereâs probably an emotional plot in here where she can be made to accept what sheâs done to her family, far too late, but with time left to save just one by letting him go. on the other hand, iâve also been experimenting with plots in my mind where she tries to quietly get rid of viago or romanced rook for having too much influence, with the added benefit on hopefully being able to steel & refocus lucanis on defending the house against whoever she frames. or plots where she blames lucanis trying to leave and not being the boy she remembers on his, you know, demonic possession, and attempts to forcibly remove or destroy spite. so. thereâs potential ups and downs, here.
i donât know how helpful rook de riva/lucanis is. most of your problem here is that everything that sets this ending up by giving the de rivas more power, and by giving any rook more power over lucanis, is something that in my mind would crank caterinaâs wariness all the way up. house de riva surely has to move up from fifth already after the events of the game and look more like a contender, and i donât think even caterinaâs delusions about lucanisâ suitability for first talon could make her blind to the effect rook can obviously have. i definitely think she would delay on a marriage and have the power to do that
i think itâs worth saying that rook de riva at any point bringing up to lucanis the idea of handing things over to viago would be a hell of a conversation. i know lucanis never remotely suspects rook of any agenda and trusts them completely, and i know i agree with rook here, but youâve GOT to see how âi love you and having power is bad for you and what you should do is hand it all over to my talonâ sounds. i truly could not blame him for a bit of doubt here especially if caterina was around to suggest it
sorry this is a completely messy and disconnected response. i donât even know if i had a point. you might have to wait for caterina to actually die? is that my point? i can see rook de riva/lucanis being helpful to ease a transition of power to house de riva then. i also think itâs worth pointing out that teia might be the better contender for all this out of the two lovebirds. what quietly makes teia probably the most dangerous talon in the crows, if she ever chose to be, is that everyone likes her. iâm not joking or trying to handwave crow politics, itâs a form of soft power and the result of her cultivated skill that nobody ever suspects teia of anything. even caterina treats her gently, and literally a talon who tried to murder all the others in tevinter nights was delaying murdering her because she was his favourite. if anyone can handle a gentler transition like what weâre talking about, maybe itâs more likely to be teia
#veilguard spoilers#i really dont like this ask response its a mess. sorry.#i just kept writing and it kept getting messier but i was too far in to restart. bon appetit#i didnt even get into how illario is still fucking alive#long post
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my head's a bit clearer, some thoughts about act 3
-my biggest gripe is episode 7- cool idea, love the concept of peaking into a different universe and seeing what our characters couldve been under different circumstances, but a WHOLE episode. when you only had 9 episode in this season, that already feel like theyre moving at a neck's pace. for a universe that ultimately doesn't matter to the main universe where the story takes place. the fact it had timebomb made it feel extremely fan service-y.
-no emotional resolution to a lot of characters. viktor and jayce are the only ones i can think of that felt like they got the screen time and care for an actual emotional closure.
-isha wasn't even mentioned in this act. in general she was already a martyr for jinx's character development but guys can you make it less obvious.
-it started in act 2, hence why i was so jaded on it, but it continues here: just where the fuck the political drama between 2 cities go? the conflict between zaun and piltover took a back seat since episode 4 and never came back. the resolution to it isn't bad per say, but when u got so little focus on it in the finale it just feels rushed.
-i loved the cait and jinx scene. but like, that was the resolution to it??? after act 1 thinking about it disappoints me. im not against a conversation being the climax to a story, but that is, and im not joking, the ONLY conversation these 2 have in the show one on one. in general the jinx\cait\vi arc ends with 1 conversation per duo (well caitvi got one fight and one very steamy sex scene but u won't catch me complaining). and after act 1, idk i think i wanted just a little bit more. im biased though- the jinx\vi\caitlyn dynamic is my favorite part about arcane. the teasers for s2 always had them front and center so i assumed it'll play a bigger part in the story???
-i felt like what the show was at its core, which is the conflict between the sisters and the cities, was completely sidelined this season. in general i can't really tell what the main theme of the show is anymore. but yeah look at the resolution to the jinx and vi story.did it feel like it had the emotional impact u expected? cause i felt like it was underwhelming.
-sevika?? didnt speak since episode 4???? huhh???
-maddie was pointless. why was she there?? i don't understand the point of that character. i dont understand her motives. she ended up not mattering at all to caitvi's story. the only thing i got from her inclusion is "caitlyn fucks" but is it that THAT important??? of a character trait??? to add to caitlyn of all people?? in THIS season??? this belongs in the realm of fanfiction.
-a lot here felt like fanfiction actually. every silco inclusion (except of him in the cell with jinx), the whole "nobody dies au" they threw in the middle, even the caitvi sex scene (IM NOT COMPLAINING THO). the caitvi scene at the end was dialog out of fanfiction, wtf was that.
-why did caitlyn lose her eye? im not like against the idea on a base level but losing an eye is very symbolic, and im not sure what its supposed to represent here. caitlyn is an observant person, its a big character trait for her. so youre basically saying she sees less now? that she's more laser focused? i sure hope not. wasnt her whole arc with giving up of revenge about seeing the "bigger picture"? her sacrifice didn't feel in character, because caitlyn is not really a "fight to the death" type of character like ambessa is. if she made that sacrifice for something like love, or for the betterment of other people, that would be more in line. idk, you couldve made me on board with it but im just very meh on it. also caitlyn only really emotes through her eyes, it sucks that we get even less of it now?? though i guess it doesnt matter at this point.
-what was the point of the enforcer that looked like vander?
-ambessa was so wasted in these last 2 acts its crazy. where's the "you have to be the fox and the wolf" mindset from her? she felt like she was wolfing only with no wit anymore by the 3rd act.
-mel????????????? it was. uhhh. maybe you shouldve saved it for another series, riot. but in this show, waste of time. the fight she had with caitlyn against ambessa was cool tho.
-i sound like im a hater but u have to understand. s1 of arcane was a political drama and a character study show. seeing all this discarded for magic and time travel shenanigans on like 4 different fronts was so jarring it took me out of the show multiple times.
-cant believe im saying that, but i wish they'd try to stick closer to the characters' current state in the source material (the cursed game). someof it felt out of left field and done for shock value, which isn't why we love the story or these characters to begin with.
good stuff:
-caitvi sex lmao ill take it babyyyyy
-jayce and viktor's scenes at the end were powerful.
-as usual, the visuals were phenomenal. the animation is gorgeous. fortiche u made this show what it is and youre still its saving grace.
-thank god they dropped the warwick\vander plot
-i liked the implication of the conclusion to jinx's story, even if it felt a little inconsistent with the character.
-the ending to jinx\vi\caitlyn was poetic and i did love it, even if it was rushed and didn't really hit the emotional highs i wanted it to.
#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2 spoilers#that was a ride#this wont top the original but u can always just watch the first 4 acts and then skip to the caitvi sex#which is what ill be doing probably revisiting this show#ill give this a rewatch and probably wont be so harsh on it after but those are my first impressions
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I can't speak for the USA, but in the UK at least it's not illegal to possess testosterone without a prescription. It's a crime to distribute or sell testosterone. That's why it's hard to source. But you cannot be arrested for buying it. You cannot be arrested for having some on you. If legality is the only thing stopping you, double check the exact laws surrounding testosterone in your country/state/region. You might discover the legal risk is far lower than you initially assumed.
Because distribution of testosterone is illegal, people CANNOT talk openly about sources online using social media. It violates TOS. But yeah, going to a gym-bro and just asking "hey where'd you get your steroids" is fucking AWFUL advice.
I'm not DIYing myself (though I did strongly consider it at one point), so I don't know of any sources. I have seen people offering specific advice on sources in DMs on Reddit when people have asked in various subs like r/transDIY so you may get some mileage there. And that sub generally has TONNES of advice on masculinising hrt in the wiki so if you're considering DIY it's a good place to start. You can also try steroid subs (eg r/steroidsUK for the UK). This is a little closer to just asking a gym bro, but with the internet as a safety net so it's no where near as risky. It's definitely harder to DIY as a transmasc, but it's not impossible.
We're back at this being the entirety of the advice being given for Testosterone DIY HRT in a bunch of current threads about it. Genuinely sick of this.
And it's very dismissive of the legal risk as well, which is significant for many marginalised people in the US, like POC who already get disproportionately targeted by the cops.
#also if you're currently being prescribed T figure out how to stock up#eg if you're on gel you can half your dose and keep filling your prescription as normal#there was also a post floating around about how to stock up on the kind of injectable T you get in the US#if there is any way you can feasibly build up your stock then do it. it's better to be on a low dose than to have to suddenly go cold turkey#sorry that some of this advice is quite UK specific but hopefully at least some of it is applicable to people in other countries too
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