#because you are the only person to have replied to my post

[xenodelic]

OK so, we've gotten a lot of replies along the lines of, "But I'm just [x], what am I supposed to do?"

This is where we're going to go into our philosophy of non/alterhumanity. To us, there is a purpose to being non/alt-h. We feel this way for spiritual reasons, but it's a philosophy that can be chosen by anyone regardless of their ontological framework.

There is a purpose to being something other than human. There are lessons you can teach humans, perspectives you can give, unique frameworks that can only be understood through the lens of your experience.

For those of us who are nonhuman, we have the unique position of being able to communicate to humans in their own languages, and tell them what it's like. I can tell people what it means to me to be a slime mold, to be connected to the roots of my environment, to hear the trees speaking to one another and to decompose deceased creatures into something new.

I can tell them what it's like to be a lycanthrope, to exist in between worlds, to feel both fundamentally humanlike and beastly and the same time.

These are the sorts of things we can share with those around us. For those who are open minded, hearing these different perspectives can open them up to things they had never considered. It may bring them closer to their natural environment to know that the creatures they share the world with have just as complex and varied experiences as they do. It may help them feel less alone to know there are beings from other worlds and even other realities out there.

We put a lot of emphasis in the original post on direct action, but any open expression of being something Other can be equally as radical. Humans rely on communication to understand the world around them. To us, it's not only something we can do, but it is in fact our duty, our responsibility, to bridge the gap between humans and the other.

That is what the post is about. You have the capability to have an impact on those around you. It may seem small or insignificant, but think about the difference it would make to an insect, if a human decides not to kill them because they have a friend whose an insect. You've changed that person's perspective, and saved a life in doing so.

Your impact matters. YOU matter. The biggest change you can have on the world is to be who you are openly and proudly.

To all the alterhumans / nonhumans who dont know what to do: now is the time for you to start putting your money where your mouth is.

If youre an animal, it's time for you to be a goddamn animal. Be feral, Be aggressive, fight for your life.

If you're a dragon, then be a terror to Kings, and start burning down the halls of power like the dragons of yore.

If you're a mythical creature, have no concern for the social constructs of man. Stand proudly outside what people even believe is possible.

If you're plural, know you're never alone. Fight against individualism that seeks to divide each body into deterministic boxes.

If you're a fictional character who saved the world, believe that you can save any world. Don't back down now.

Now is the time to really believe that you are what you say you are. People in power are going to try to take that away from you. Don't fall for it.

It's time shed any preconceptions you have about what you're capable of. If you're an animal it's time to fight like one. A dragon that uses gasoline and matches is still a dragon.

All bets are off. If they want to treat us like dogs in a cage then im gonna start ripping fascists' throats out like one. And I'd better see y'all there with me, on G-d.

[sh4wty18]

sextape.

pairing: pornstar!jake x bsf!reader

summary: jake always sends you his OF content before he posts it. but one day after he sends you a solo video with an unexpected ending, you decide maybe it’s time you two film together.

cw: 18+ MDNI, NSFW, pornstar!au, sex, masturbation, online sex work, language, best friends with benefits to lovers, use of y/n

word count: 3.9k + proofread

a/n: another fic i’ve had in my notes app for a month lol🤗

TW: I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONTENT YOU CONSUME ONLINE. THIS STORY IS 100% FICTIONAL AND FOR FUN ONLY. NOTHING HERE IS ACCURATE TO REAL LIFE, NOR AM I CLAIMING IT TO BE. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

you’re currently working on your grad school work, grading quizzes for the students you TA for at UCLA. getting a phd was a full time job, no one ever warned you. but it would be worth it. as you sit at the desk in your bedroom, contemplating how much partial credit to award a student for a mediocre response to a short answer question, your phone buzzes.

you look down and see jake’s name light up your screen. you lean back in your chair, phone in hand, and read his text.

heyyy you wanna see my vid for tm? tried somethin new i think it’s pretty good

you smile at the screen before quickly typing out a reply and pressing send.

yeah

u don’t know how bored i am rn

you put your phone back down and continue grading. jake was one of your closest friends. you’d been friends for years since undergrad when you both went to ucla together. after graduation you moved onto ucla’s graduate program and he decided he was done with academia. he had always been a very creative person. he was also very sexual. he loved sex. he was good at it. he knew what to do to make people squirm. he was sexy, and he knew it. he decided, why not try to make a career out of it? so a couple years ago, he’d made an onlyfans account. his innovation & entrepreneurship degree came in handy, because he knew exactly how to promote himself online to gain a following quickly. fast forward two years, and now he’s in the top 0.5% of creators on the site, easily making seven figures a year, sometimes even seven figures a month. you were a little jealous sometimes, of how much money he made with seemingly little effort, but then you thought about all the work he’d actually put into his career.

he posted on mondays, wednesdays, and fridays. mondays were photos. he’d often have extremely strenuous and exhausting photoshoots for multiple days in the beginning of the month. they were never the same and they were always creative. he thought of each idea. money went into hiring the photographers, make up artists, catering, rented out space. but he made enough money to pay for it all. money wasn’t the issue, it was time. on wednesdays he uploaded a solo video. on fridays, he uploaded a video filmed with one or two or however many other people. his videos were always to the point. he liked it quick and dirty. no emotions, no strings, and NEVER any kissing. his fans liked it that way. he knew they didn’t care for theatrics. they were there to get off, and so was he…although, he always made sure the people he filmed with came first.

he edited all his own content too. he also had the responsibility of planning collaborations with other artists, for the friday videos. they couldn’t both upload the same content, so that often meant going multiple rounds in a row. plus he might have multiple collabs to film each week, so he could edit the videos and schedule days to post them. point being, jake was a very hard worker. he deserved every ounce of fame he’d gotten.

he would often send his videos to you for your approval. since you’d had a sexual relationship for quite some time, and were super close friends, he trusted you to tell him the truth about whether the videos were good or not. you always did. for around the past year, your relationship had escalated from solely friendship to friends with benefits. he got tested once a week for his work, so you weren’t worried about getting any stds from him or anything. plus he was always super safe. sex with jake was amazing. he was a amazing. having the “benefits” label attached to your title… it was fun. it was sweet. it wasn’t serious. at least that was what you thought he wanted, and you were too afraid to ever bring it up. you were happy to be his friend. you loved being his friend. you also loved having sex with him. you didn’t want to ruin that.

it was tuesday night, he’d probably just finished editing his wednesday video. you couldn’t help but feel giddy with excitement. watching him fuck himself was always fun for you.

you heard your phone buzz again and picked it up.

well hopefully this doesn’t bore you more lol :)

*FILE ATTACHMENT 3.5MB*

you click on the attachment and see that the video was eight minutes long. normally his wednesday videos averaged around three minutes. quick and dirty, remember? when you press play, you are immediately met with the image of a nearly naked jake waving to the camera and blowing a kiss (his signature salutation). you look down and can see where his boxers obviously tent, and when he plops himself down into the swiveling office chair with a smile, his erection is even more glaringly obvious.

one time, after one of your late night escapades, while you were cuddling in your bed in the early hours of the morning, you’d asked him how he was always hard before his solo videos even started. he had giggled and kissed your temple softly, before mumbling “a magician never tells his secrets.”

“oh come on,” you begged. “pleeease. i’m your best friend. and we are having sex so you kind of owe it to me if i’m going to find out you have some type of magical penis.”

he laughed again, “i just think about you.”

he kissed you on the cheek. “jaaake… be serious,” you say with faux annoyance.

“what makes you think i’m not being serious?” he asked before pulling your naked body ever closer to his. you wrapped your arms around the back of his neck, but before you could push him any further, he’d fallen asleep.

you returned your attention back to the video, where the tiny jake in your screen was peeling his boxers off and tossing them to the side of the room. you watch as his dick sprang free. he tore his gaze away from his cock and glanced up to smile at the camera again. he had such a way with the camera. his eye contact made the viewer feel involved somehow. it was almost intimate. maybe that was why he was so popular. people felt seen by him. he squeezed a bit of unscented lotion on his hand and lazily grasped the shaft of his cock, drawing slow strokes back and forth, never breaking eye contact with the camera. yeah, this was definitely intimate. his breath caught every once in a while and he’d whisper “fuck” or “shit”, almost quiet enough that you couldn’t hear him.

after a couple minutes, you could tell he was about to come. well you could tell. you specifically. it was a face you’d grown so accustomed to seeing from him. his eyebrows furrowed a bit and his top lip curled up and to the right. sometimes he squeezed his eyes shut in his videos, but never with you. when you two fucked, he was always present. he wanted to savor every second. he wanted to see your eyes roll back as he made you finish for the second or third time in the night.

he squirmed in the chair and it rotated a little as his strokes got more aggressive. but right before he came he let go. he caught his breath. he laughed. he looked at the camera with a stare that could only be described as him saying “gotcha”. he repeated this process a few more times. working himself up. fucking himself to the brink of collapse but letting go just before he could teeter over the edge. you kept note of how his eyes hadn’t scrunched up once yet this video. as if he was trying as hard as possible to remain present with his audience.

around the seven minute mark, you knew he was finally going to allow himself to come. he was squirming, his leg was shaking, you could see the muscles in his abs contracting with every shallow breath he took. he whimpered softly, mumbling incoherently under his breath. but then he did something truly unexpected.

“fuck, y/n,” he let out with a moan. his own eyes widened at his words but at that point it was too late. the damage was already done. he felt so good and he was so close to coming that he couldn’t help but continue saying your name. he continued mumbling your name between soft sighs and moans until he finally pushed himself over the edge and come shot out of his dick and into his hand. he let go of his now flaccid but sensitive penis, and sat back in his chair with a breathless laugh.

“fuck,” he said. he stood up and walked closer to the camera, allowing the audience to get an up close look at the mess he’d made of himself. he smiled brightly one last time, blowing another kiss before the video cut out.

you sat in silence and disbelief at what you’d just seen. he was literally moaning your name while he jerked off, and was about to post it for a million subscribers to see. you couldn’t tell if you thought it was hot or if it made you nervous. you looked down at your texts and saw that he’d sent another message.

well?

it didn’t take long for you to think of your reply.

come over

he answered almost as soon as your text was delivered.

already on my way baby

-

you knew he arrived at your place when you heard three quick knocks at your front door, the same knock he did every time he came over.

“hey,” you greet him with a shy smile as you open the door. suddenly, seeing him in person after watching his video had made you feel less confident, and more embarrassed.

“hi,” he said, looking down at his feet. clearly his drive over had given him time to contemplate his actions and maybe garner a bit of embarrassment himself. he stepped over the threshold without asking. not that you wanted him to. you closed the door behind him and stood with your hand pressed against it for a second, facing away from him.

“look,” he started. “i don’t know why i did it. i know it’s… different… than my other stuff, and if you don’t want me to post it i won’t, but i wanted you to see how you make me feel.” you feel his presence behind you and your suspicion is validated as his fingers glide over your hip until his palm is flat against your skin. “say something, please.”

you turn around and grab his neck with both hands, pulling him down to sloppily kiss him. you thought about his words, how you make me feel, and you thought about him. you pull away for a second and stare into his eyes desperately. he meets your gaze with equal fervor, scanning all across your face for some sort of indication to keep going. and you can tell then. that he wants you just as much as you’d always wanted him. in a way that’s more than just best friends. more than just benefits. “i want to film with you,” you say, all your confidence restored.

his eyes widen, “really?”

“yes.”

you feel his grip tighten on your waist, his other hand snaking up your neck and around the back of your head. “i was hoping you’d say that,” he smiled.

you lead him to your bedroom, hand in hand. it had to be the hundredth time you’d led him there. but it never got old. you could do it forever. you would do it forever, if he’d have you.

“so how does this work?” you ask with giddy excitement upon locking your bedroom door behind you.

“we don’t have any of my film stuff, so we’ll just have to record on my phone. it’ll be fun. it’ll look homemade… amateur. people eat that shit up. plus, i think if you’re in it, people will love it even more. i know they’re gonna love the wednesday video… just hearing your name.”

you smile, taking a step towards him and reaching out to pull him in by his waistband. “so you’ll just… be recording us on your phone the whole time?” you ask.

he gulps, his dick growing harder by the second, just from thinking about having you on camera. he couldn’t stop imagining what the video would look like, and how he could jerk off to it whenever he wanted. he wouldn’t have to imagine you anymore. “yeah, pretty much.” he inches closer to you, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear and leaning in until his lips brush against your mouth. “gonna be so sexy for me, baby.”

“shit,” you whisper, your knees growing weak. “i want you.”

he sets up his phone, leaning it against a jewelry box on your dresser, and you wonder how he could possibly get all of it in frame.

“you good?” he asks as he makes his way back over to you.

“yeah,” you say, eyes still on the camera. “just a little nervous i guess.”

“you’re gonna do so good. just pretend it’s not even there. focus on me.”

“okay,” you smile, and lean in to connect your lips. he drags his hand down your back until he’s pulling on the fabric of your t-shirt, silently begging you to allow him to pull it off. you break away from each other, just for a second, to strip until you’re both naked. why not get down to business, right?

“getting right to it?” he asks with a smirk, before plunging back to your mouth, kissing you hard and fast. one of his hands grips your cheek while the other kneads your ass. your arms wrap around his neck and your bodies are so close together you can feel his cock pressing against your pelvis. you part your lips slightly, allowing is tongue to enter and explore the inside of your mouth. he guides you both over to your bed, never breaking the kiss, until he finally picks you up completely. you wrap your legs around his torso and he holds you close, flopping down on the bed with you mounting his lap. “turn around so they can see you, baby,” he breaks away and whispers in your ear. you do as you’re told, he spreads his legs so you can sit between them, facing the camera now.

“spread your legs for me, princess.” you rest one leg on both of his thighs, so you’re completely revealed. you can see yourself in his little phone screen on your vanity, and even bigger in the mirror behind it. he wraps one arm around your stomach, holding you in place, and rests his head on your shoulder, kissing you as he does. his free hand creeps around your waist and lands between your legs. “so wet for me.” he whispers as his fingers mindlessly brush over you. he finds your clit, as he’s done countless times before, and rubs gentle circles into it with his index and middle fingers.

he loved to start slow with you. building you up for so long just so he could eventually ruin you. you lean your head back into the crook of his neck and turn to meet his gaze, “please don’t tease, jake.”

he kisses your lips again, so softly, you almost think he’s going to go easy on you. “i’m not teasin’, promise,” he replies. “just gotta show them how pretty you are while you’re like this.”

he gets rougher then, his fingers moving quicker and harder, and you let out a moan. “louder, baby.” he says as he delivers a brisk slap to your inner thigh, pulling another moan from you, before he eventually shoves two fingers deep inside you. he curls his fingers upwards as he thrusts them into you, finding your g-spot over and over again.

you’re practically a breathless, shaking mess in his arms, but he just keeps alternating between fingering you and rubbing your clit. he brings you to the edge more times than you can count, alternating methods just before you can reach your peak. he almost knows your body better than you at this point. knows exactly when to stop before you can come, knows exactly what makes you feel the best. “you’re doing so good for me, princess.” he praises as you continue to play his game. allowing him to make a mess of you in his arms, he’s the only one you’d ever want to be this vulnerable with. you absolutely love when he ruins you. you love how it feels during the moment, and you love how it feels after, with him cradling you in his arms until you fall asleep. kissing your forehead and cheeks relentlessly while he tells you how amazing you are. how you’re the only person he genuinely enjoys fucking. how he could do it all the time and never get bored.

he kisses your temple as he finally allows you to come undone in his arms. you grip his arm that’s wrapped around your stomach, and your other hand reaches behind you to grab the back of his head and pull him in. your lips latch onto his, even though you’re barely capable of kissing him as he works you through your orgasm. you gaze up to make eye contact with him, and he smiles down at you while your body finally stops convulsing and your loud moans dwindle into soft, breathless pants. you manage to return his smile then, and he leans down to press an ever so gentle kiss to your lips. “you think you can take more?” he asks softly.

“with you? always,” you reply.

“that’s my girl,” he grins. “move to the edge of the bed, baby.”

he stands up and grabs a tissue from your vanity to wipe off his fingers before grabbing his phone from the dresser. he flips the camera view so it’s on you, and he turns the flash on.

he walks up to you, camera in hand, and you can’t help but giggle as he does. you’ve never seen him in action before. well, not live. you wonder if this is how filming usually goes for him. you imagine not. since he has more professional recording equipment at home, and he’s with strangers. you have to admit, no matter how good his content is, he never has any type of chemistry with the people he fucks beyond sexually. it was different with you, it was bound to be. your relationship is bigger than just sex. it was more… for both of you.

“you laughin’ at me?” jake asks teasingly, raising an eyebrow at you.

you bat your eyelashes at him innocently, “never!”

he lets out a chuckle before finally reaching you on the bed. he stands at the edge where you sit up on your elbows to look at him. the flash in your face makes it hard to even see jake. you look past the light up at him, he’s all you care about. you know you must be giving him the biggest doe eyes ever, but you don’t care how you look. you want him bad.

“fuck, you’re so beautiful,” he says, reaching down to jerk himself off with his free hand. “could come just by lookin’ at you.”

he continues stroking himself, whining a little as he does. “see what she does to me?” he asks his hypothetical audience. “lean back, mama. hold your thighs back for me.” again, you do as you’re told. being with him was the only time you were okay with a man telling you what to do. you grab one thigh in each hand and pull your legs back until they’re pressed against your torso.

he guides his cock between your legs, slowly pushing it inside of you inch by inch. you were always taken aback by his size. as if your body forgets how big he is between your hookups, you always needed a minute to adjust. “takin’ me so well, princess.” you knew the camera was capturing the entire scene. and for some reason, that was turning you on even more.

once he was finally in deep enough, he let go of his dick and used his now free hand to grab onto your thigh, pushing it down even further. you felt him bottom out, his pelvis pressing against your skin, and he groaned in delight at the feeling. “missed you so much, baby. missed this perfect body, and your pretty moans,” he says.

“you came over three nights ago,” you muster between moans as he begins thrusting into you.

“yeah, but i always miss you when you’re not with me. miss all of you. not just fucking you.” he couldn’t say much else, as he was now groaning himself, but you understood well enough what he meant. he missed you. everything about you.

his thrusts grew faster and harder with each passing second, and you reached out to grab his arm that was still pushing your thigh back. you gripped his wrist, your nails digging into him as your moans got louder. “fuck! jake… fuck, fuck.”

“what is it, baby? use your words,” jake said through his grunts.

“‘m…so close,” you reply, and another moan rips through you.

“me too,” he says. “come with me.”

your back arches off the bed and you can almost see stars as he slams into you, but you let go at precisely the same time. his thrusts grow sloppier, and he can barely hold his grip on the phone as his body begins to shake. yours does too, and you grip the sheets with the hand that isn’t actively holding onto jake’s wrist for dear life. you’re both in a state of pure ecstasy as you feel his dick finally twitch inside you.

he stops the video and throws his phone on the bed, hunching over on top of you to catch his breath. he slowly pulls out and collapses onto the bed, pulling your body onto his and kissing your face gently. he fixes your sweaty hair as best as he can, smiling as he does. “you’re so pretty.”

“so are you,” you whisper, your fingers softly tracing his face. “so are you gonna post the video this week? i think it was good, hopefully it’ll do well.”

“oh, i don’t think i’m going to post it.” jake says.

“what? why not? do you think it’s bad?” you ask, and genuine concern lines your voice.

“no. that’s the problem. it’s so good. i don’t wanna share it. don’t wanna share you. only i want to be able to see you like that.” he kisses you roughly and nuzzles his head into your chest.

you smile at his words. don’t wanna share you, and suddenly, you’re saying the one thing you never thought you’d be able to say to him. “jake, i think i’m in love with you.”

he seems caught off guard at first. but then he looks at you with eyes full of only love and passion, and the most earnest smile you’d ever seen adorns his face. “thank god.”

he kisses you, only this time it feels different. it’s as if a taut rope that had held you two a foot away from each other had finally snapped. or been cut. he holds your face in his hands like you’re a precious porcelain doll he wouldn’t dare risk breaking, and when he pulls away from the kiss, it’s only to say “you don’t know how long i’ve wanted to hear that.”

pics from pinterest, divider from @/saradika-graphics

tags for @liseytopia & @audr3yyyyy again <33 ily guys

[roryacker]

WereGhost part 4

writing is under the cut as usual <3 couldn't force the art out, for some reason my brain won't let art on my phone happen, I've been trying for days it just ain't workin, and I have gifts to finish working on so PC is a no-go. Still! Writing!!

I do oddly feel more confident about posting things if there's art with it? Like I faked myself out trying to post this one 3 times and kept adding more thanks to that because I was like "wait no not good :("

Maybe because art's like. My thing. But screw it, if I'm getting over my anxiety I'm hitting all the weird triggers, it's a silly werewolf AU I don't think people care if one part has art or not

Simon doesn't like how Johnny smells. He was fine before, but since that morning the older man left with him in such a hurry he's smelled different. To a normal person that wouldn't matter, but werewolves aren't exactly normal folk, and smell is a very important part of their routine, Simon's especially.

Simon was familiar with Johnny's scent before- warm and herbal, a comfortable smell that Simon wasn't afraid to admit was soothing. It's probably part of why he's stuck around. Since he got back, since the anxiety and stress faded out, he's smelled different. It changed. It was faint, but there- something odd and flowery. Simon knew he didn't like it, but he wasn't entirely sure why. Maybe it's the fact it changed at all, maybe it's what it might signals, to hell if Simon knows.

Johnny, from there, starts going out more often, for longer, starting at earlier times, and the scent only gets stronger. It mixes with his original one, shifting and changing, and Simon hates it.

He especially hates it when Johnny comes home in the middle of the day, just once, and immediately gets to shoving Simon under the bed, blankets and all, muttering out something about not being prepared and needing Simon to sit still and be quiet for a while- Simon growls and snaps at his feet, though his teeth never connect, but begrudgingly does as told, ignoring the way his heart thuds in his chest and ears flatten to his skull. After a bit, cleaning up and trying to make the place look nice, it seems, sweeping fur off of the bed and floor, Johnny leaves, and Simon is left alone, confused and quite frankly tired, watching the door shut from the little space under the blanket hanging off the bed.

By the time a few minutes pass, he hears the front door open, and another voice starts up. It's not the older man, it's not Johnny, it's new and unfamiliar, soft and feminine, and Simon can feel the fur on his neck raise at the sound. Oddly, he feels threatened. He doesn't like the new voice, doesn't like the scent that follows, doesn't like how it's the scent that's been drowning out Johnny's for weeks now. But he sits there, tense and uncomfortable, listening to them talk in the sitting room. He doesn't like it, but he does it, if only so Johnny doesn't change his mind about all of this and kick Simon out after all.

It lasts for a few hours, Simon unable to fall back asleep, until he hears the door open and shut again. He thinks Johnny might have left too, but no- footsteps come up to the door, and he steps inside the bedroom, crouching down with a sigh.

"Think she likes me, Ghost. Might be the one, aye? Just have to see what to do about you, then..."

His heart sinks at the words, but doesn't reply- just growls lowly and shifts his weight, curling up further to avoid looking at the man.

"Aye, I know. Yer feelin' grumpy. Sorry."

Johnny tries to drag him out from under the bed, gripping the blankets tight, but Simon fights, of course. He can't go one day without being stubborn, especially not when he feels so personally wronged.

"Jesus, fine. Stay under there. Don't make a mess."

It continued on like that for a few days. Long, uncomfortable, grueling days, where Simon slowly began to set up a little den under the bed. It was nice and dark, so at that point it was really just instinct drawing him into it, pushing and arranging the blankets into a cozy little spot for himself. Eventually he manages to fall asleep even when Johnny has his bird over, as much as he might not like it- Johnny slides a plate of food under the bed to try and keep him from getting snappy, not that it ever works, and it becomes another routine.

Simon as tired of it the moment it began, but he tolerates it anyways, just to avoid being thrown out. His leg's mostly healed, and he knows he needs to leave, get out into the forest again, get back to his normal life.

But he doesn't want to.

He gets cooked food, he gets the warmth and comfort of soft blankets that smell pleasant- they're the only thing that don't have that new scent on them, at this point- he gets to sleep in peace without having to worry about wolfhounds scenting him out or humans coming across him, doesn't have to worry about any other predators trying to get a meal out of him, there's no hiding, there's no running, no wasted energy... but he can tell Johnny knows he's healing. He leaves the bandages on longer and comments on the progress he's made, and at this point Simon knows that if he doesn't leave on his own Johnny might just toss him out anyways.

The thought makes him uncomfortably bitter, a sour feeling that wells up in his chest and leaves him feeling nothing short of sick.

He tolerates it all for a few more days, making the most of it, and then watches intently as Johnny leaves, one morning slipping out from under the bed to watch him from the doorway as he leaves, locking the front door behind him. He loafs around for an hour or so, then shifts, standing on unsteady legs and adjusting to the feeling of being human for a bit- as close as he can get, anyways. Simon finds himself staring at a window for a long while, facing the woods.

With a sigh, he steps closer and pushes it open, and crawls out, shutting the window behind him and shifting back so he can break off into a run. He regrets it the moment he's outside, the air frigid and uncomfortable against his fur, feeling like needles against his skin, but he doesn't have much of a choice at this point. He does it himself or Johnny will do it for him, maybe throw him outside in his sleep or something. He's careful not to leave any prints, stepping lightly and never lingering in one spot too long. The beartrap that got him into this mess serves as a marker, telling him where to go, and from there it's just a matter of following old paths, and by the time night starts to fall he's found it again. His scent has faded from months of inactivity, but it's his territory all the same.

Suddenly it doesn't feel like home at all, but he reasons that it won't be come a few weeks, anyways, when the wolfhunts start again the second the town's dogs start to catch his scent, and he'll have to leave all over again. He curls up in a familiar hollow, surrounded on all sides but one so he can't be reached or found quite as easily, and falls asleep with the lingering thoughts of fleeting warmth and soft fabrics on his mind.

[starrieangel]

🧸🩷 Mouthwashing Age Regression Headcanons 🩷🧸

This is uber self induglent, but I also think it's really cute so I thought I'd post! ♡ Not proofread lol

Features: Curly x Reader, Anya x Reader, Daisuke x Reader, Jimmy x Reader

Tags: Fluff, Age Regressor Curly, Age Regressor Anya, Carer Daisuke, Carer Jimmy, Nice!Jimmy AU, Mini Fic

Rb's appreciated! ♡

Curly is a little ♡ He regresses to ages 5-12, so he is a kiddo or a middle depending on the day ♡ He only regresses when he needs to unwind, but I think he would really thrive from having the care and praise of a carer... and how can you not want to be his carer..?! He is literally the most perfect and cute and sweet little boy ever ♡♡♡ (My Curly bias is showing)

Anya is a flip, but she's a big carer lean. She likes being a carer because... well, she has a caring personality! I can see her as a regressor also because I think she actually had a good childhood and wants to relive that childlike wonder ♡ Being a grown up is depressing and disappointing at times, so it would be nice for her to have that space to regress and go to calmer and simpler times!

Daisuke is 100% a caregiver. I just feel like he desperately wants to be a big brother, or to have someone younger than him look up to him. (Even if he doesn't have the experience himself to teach them very many things XD) I just think he would thrive off of a little's love ♡ Like when you hug him tight and look up into his eyes like he hangs the stars in the sky, I just think he would melt ♡♡♡

Jimmy is also 100% a caregiver, though I can also see him as maybe a trauma regressor/involuntary regressor. (He definitely had a bad childhood..) I think he would like having a little because having someone to take care of would make him feel so important ♡ It also makes him feel better about himself as a person, because surely he's not so bad if a cute precious thing like you loves him and trusts him this much??

Bonus: Daisuke babysitting Anya is the cutest idea ever, I don't even care that it's OOC 😭

Thanks for reading! LMK what you think in the replies! I love reading people's comments hehe ♡♡

[opinion-haver]

these replies perfectly summarize how we got to the issue of devaluing human connection in the first place and how this post is pretty much exacerbating the issue:

“yall are so dumb” - this sentiment writes off an entire population of people who are struggling. literally destroying human connections directly. and i think that in and of itself is dumb

“this is sooooo dystopian” -its pretty obvious how people running to ai therapists fullblown sucks and is dystopian but one must not forget that pointing at an issue isnt actually addressing it, especially when the comparison is rooted in nostalgia.

“these people are pitiful”- another strain of thinking people are so dumb. its patronizing. if you cant find shared humanity— if you cant see within yourself a version that would succumb, you dont understand the problem.

honorable mention: the tools introduced above lend a very fun look into how ineffectual the system is and how these tools dont address at all the reasons why one would speak to an ai therapist in the first place.

worksheets: if i was going through a breakup or panic attack or some shit equivalent you would be absolutely kidding me to think that i would open up a worksheet. im suicidal not a masochist. zero humanity in that response.

chart-games: i find these useful, i even made a modified in-browser personal guide just for myself. but the issue is that most of the times conscious malaise isnt often cured by just eating or drinking just because you forgot. and thats if you remember to go to the website when youre doing badly in the first place. if im in hell im checked the fuck out.

finch: as a daily user of finch, i know directly how helpful this tool can be. it pairs the dopamine rush of games with executive function, like so many other gamified trackers out there. i like the data analysis personally, reflections are so useful to knowing yourself from day to day. but its very much trying to monetize your self care. to gate some of its tools behind a premium subscription because (paraphrase) “you deserve self care” is insidious as hell. and the ways it treats you is patronizing. i know youre dressing up a cartoon bird but i dont think helping the bird discover it likes baby shark is particularly salient to the aging tumblr userbase

ok so ive complained a whole lot. but in order to put money where my mouth is, whats the solution?

well obviously! to foster human connection of course. if these people dont know what real human connection is like its because nobody has BEEN real human connection for them. and vice versa— if you strawman these people into mindless idiots then clearly you dont understand their psyche.

in lieu of an ai therapist, reach out to a gd friend.

if you dont got friends, go make em. its ez. outside is easiest— show up to some kind of local thing or the other. it doesnt have to mesh with you completely but learning about Hetero Jessicas worklife balance is way more illustrative of human reality than chatgpt. but outside is not the only way. go ping someone random. get over the initial fear. fall in love with strangers. learn about their cats and trade cat pictures or some shit. its not easy but its worth it. hell, if you want to dm me i might even reply, if im not busy.

solidarity saved me. it can save you too.

guys. please

[bixels]

Jesus man, relax.

[rapidhighway]

Ahahaaaa oh my goddd can you not make "ADHD undereating" and "ADHD overeating" into a competition of who has it worse and who has nothing to complain about, that'd be awesome

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[loganelfreeces]

Hey sorry I took fucking forever to reply to your post, life happened! But first of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING SO INTERESTED IN MY POST! I'm honoured that you enjoyed it enough to write your own in response, and that you promoted it to others with that link, thank you so much!

I agree with you about Umemiya modelling himself after Shitara's example. I mean, after his parents died, Shitara raised him and probably had the biggest impact on the person Umemiya turned out to be. Especially since Saviour kinda just gave Umemiya a major life lesson and left Shitara to help him work through the emotions after that. Like, just, look at this:

Are these not the same pannel twice? A goofy guy raging about his favourite things while his friends judge him for it. Umemiya definutely learned a lot from Shitara in his time at the orphanage and I mean, at this point he's spent at least 8 years there, so it makes sense that he'd pick up some habits.

It could also be a sense that like. Shitara probably didn't talk to Umemiya about his talk with Saviour while Umemiya was unconcious, but Umemiya likely picked up on the fact that Shitara was connected to Furin. So in a way, he was doing the one thing his second Dad wasn't able to do in his generation: unite the school and protect the town. BUT I could be wrong and Shitara did talk to Umemiya about it, after all, why else would we see that conversation in a flashback when Umemiya wasn't awake for that conversation? We can't be certain until we see Shitara turn up again.

We do know from one of Nii Satoru's sketches of Umemiya's morning hair routine that he is probably still living in the orphanage. So if ever Sakura has a reason to visit Umemiya's house, he's probably gonna deal with a bunch of little kids grabbing at him and asking him to play until Shitara shows up to distract the kids with pudding so he can talk to Sakura.

As for how close we are to Umemiya's graduation, the Japanese school year works like this: It starts in April and ends in March next year. I'm gonna make a proper timeline post later on, but it's only late July when we have the barbeque party, so it's only been 4 months since Sakura came to Furin. Umemiya's graduation is at least 8 months away, so we have a lot of story to get through first.

I can see why Saviour not having any details could throw you off, but the thing is, I do think he'll come back. Nii said in this interview that he initially planned for Umemiya to be the protagonist, so I imagine he's at least had concepts for Umemiya's mentor figures and inspirations since the concept sketches. Given that he's supervising the anime (which added more visual metaphors in the Shishitoren arc and included how Togame and Tomiyama met), I think there's a lot to the story that Nii hasn't said yet, but is slowly being revealed as we go.

I also noticed how in Sugishita's character profile which we got in the first Volume of the manga that he uses Tsubaki shampoo and guess what we saw in the most recent manga chapter?

Tsubaki giving Sugishita hair oil when he enters middle school for the first time.

From the smallest details like this, to the biggest story defining stuff like Shishitoren/Roppo-Ichiza/Gravel saving Furin and the whole A Fight Is A Conversation thing coming back in the Noroshi arc, I feel like Nii-sensei is an author who loves building on what he's already written to make it all come out better than expected. This is why I think Saviour is going to return around Umemiya's graduation.

Though I also love your idea of Nirei being the one who figures out the connection between Saviour, the Silly to his Serious and Shitara all being Furin students before Umemiya was. I also believe in our notebook boy!

As for there being no teachers at Furin, there actually are some we just don't see them because it's not relevant to the story; we know this because the character profiles list the things at school the Bofurin boys are good at (thank you @orange-cheetah for translating them). But that's not to diminish what you said about Shitara being the only responsible adult we see in the series. @begrudging-fudanshi mentioned in this amazing analysis here about how themes of responsibility and the lack of authority in the series feels very purposefully done by Nii-sensei and @perpetuallyexhaustedlibrarian has their own theories that this is due to the implied extreme poverty the town is in. I agree with the two of them, that it really does mean something that there are no adults in the town who aren't local business workers just giving the Furin guys free food.

So yeah, those are my 3am thoughts, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me!

hey, remember when I thought literally no one was talking about umemiya's backstory's backstory?? yeah, well this guy @loganelfreeces just opened my eyes with the most insane analysis I've ever seen, bc these characters appear in less than two chapters and I'm not really the kind to overanalyze stuff but this made me think more than Im used to and I'm grateful for it.

seriously, if you havent read their post please go, its amazing!! what I'm about to say its practically just a response to what they were saying so I recommend reading it either wya

first off i want to start saying that i cant shake the feeling that umemiya and shitara share the same personality in the sense that they act all friendly and goofy to protect others from unnecessary trouble, like if we're talking about how umemiya acts i can tell he somehow copied or adapted himself to shitara's sense of responsability when it comes to emotional support

then there's that conversation shitara has with the other caretaker about the old furin, and i did get the feeling that shitara was talking about himself in some way, tho i wasnt sure if he had been a furin student, but just some acquaintance to the people there. him being a former student makes sense given that he knows a lot about furin insights and takes responsability on what they do around town

i can see shitara playing a major role in the future, but since the last time qe saw him was when umemiya was 14 years old, i hardly think we will see him again, OR as you pointed out, when umemiya graduates.

if im not wrong, it has been aprox five months (?) sicne sakura entered furin, so i think we're close to that

the one person i really dont think will appear again is umemiya's savior. why? because he couldn't see his face, it wasnt shown, we didnt got a name, not even a nickname, and as you were saying, he's an adult probably out of town that will never appear again

it will be one hell of a twist if the savior happens to be related to someone else, like being suo's martial artist brother or sakura's acquaintance, but i hardly believe he will appear again. yes he was influential in the story, and yes he shared with us some very important information about the old furin, but that was his role at the moment, and the story was going on about umemiya and shitara.

so, yes, shitara will probably appear again in some important scene, and no, the savior will probably not appear ever again

and IF we're talking about a third party, the other guy shitara and the savior mentioned, I hardly believe they will give us more insight on this. there's still a high chance this will get more focus in the series as the events starts to unfold in something more large. i think, if anything, nirei can crack the code of this mysterious saviors and the old furin secrets, I believe in my notebook guy!! (tho I really like how you connected the "serious/calm and goofy/loud" duo, it makes total sense)

OTHER THING THAT I REALIZED I THOUGHT YOUVE POINTED OUT BUT TURNS OUT I JUST IMAGIEND was that shitara and the other girl mention that because of all the gangs messing up the town the police had turned a blind eye to all these and left the town without doing their proper job, so that lefts us with no reliable adults available to put a stop to those crimes. there's no teachers in furin even tho its a school. the townsfolk rely on the furin boys. there's hardly any picture of parents anywhere, not even in conversations. shitara is the first adult to be relied on by someone in the entire series, and i think that alone says a lot about the guy and the future of the series in general.

I BELEIVE IN NII-SENSEI TO GIVE US AN ASNWER TO ALL THESE, THEY'RE AMAZING ON WHAT THEIR DOING AND I CANT WAIT HOW ALL THESE TURNS OUT!!

aAaaAaA im done.

[gremzon]

I might have OCD actually

[commence-screaming]

I know you all are awaiting my response, and I’m grateful for your patience. There are some things I have to address here. Never wanted to put everything out there—I don’t like drama on my blog. I have a document that’s over a thousand words long, but I realized that when people have blocked me and are saying stuff in the main tag, they don’t want to listen. They just want to hurt me.

So I guess now there are things I have to clarify… it’s heavy, but I tried to keep it short. I didn’t have the energy to read everything they were saying about me so I may get things wrong. I didn’t really want to post this.

Content warnings for mental illness, suicidal ideation, mentions of abuse.

Let’s get right into it.

1. I’ve always lived with the paranoid delusion that everyone was conspiring against me, that people secretly hated me and would smear me behind my back. I passed these off as negative thoughts, anything that might’ve “confirmed” this would set it off. I’d have an episode I would have to deal with on my own. I thought that nobody would stick with me in a crisis, and I would always be thinking along the lines of, “is it all over?”

I feel liberated, now. There’s no need to fight when they’re true. I am more at peace with myself.

2. I never want to hurt anyone. Not a real level, the angst stuff is fictional pain. I am autistic—the things you’re hearing me say are the first times I’ve talked to people (other than my family) for my entire life. I always want people to go to me when I do something wrong so I can handle it and learn from my mistakes, that’s why I have my bio set to what it is.

That, and my memory is so fuzzy that I can’t remember too much from even last week. I tend to dissociate and my brain turns into mush.

3. The “minor incident” that Ghouse and the others were talking about was one of his mods saying she’d “tear people apart” and then immediately citing me as the main cause because I was “being rude.” I told her why I was taking a break, as I couldn’t handle it, this had happened before and I asked them to correct me if I was wrong—even confirming multiple times that we were just joking around because I was paranoid.

I suggested they go straight to me for future reference. I was having a mental health episode. She called me crazy and that I was overreacting, implying I was stupid. Another mod told me I was overreacting and that I was acting pathetic and childish. This made point 1 so much worse.

4. The “suicide baiting” was something I told the Panic Room server in confidence. I told them I was talking a break. Ghouse said “it wasn’t that bad but okay,” as if he were gaslighting me. He said things like this as I was sobbing alone in my room, which he was well aware of.

I have to clarify that it wasn’t baiting. Suicidal ideation has been something I’ve been dealing with since I was 9 years old. I have been abused/gaslit for more of my life than I have been safe. I never wanted to say this, but they were brushing me off at a point where I was trying to find a reason to live. I had stupidly thought that they would understand what they were doing to me if I said.

5. That was the first time I had an episode like that. To say that it was baiting is to say I was lying. Let’s play devil’s advocate here.

If I were lying for attention, why would I destroy all my relationships in a single night? Why wouldn’t I make art or something along those lines? They’re big on art.

If I wasn’t, then that would mean that I was having a few bad days and they did nothing to help me… beyond condescendingly saying that I need help. I don’t blame the minors in the server, I’m talking about Ghouse, who is older than I am by around 2 years. I told them I called 988 and it didn’t really work. He continued to tell me off.

After I was kicked I was made aware that they immediately started insulting me. Whether you believe me or not, purposely attacking someone who’s mentally ill is… too far. I hadn’t done anything to them before this incident.

6. The reasons I freaked out was because I was sad that I had unintentionally hurt people, I had started a new, dangerous job, and… well, to be honest, I was terrified.

They were making me forget that I’d been hurt. I was starting to trust them. I had been starting to look forward to tomorrow. And, I was so scared that it would all be over. I didn’t know when, just that it would be.

Now, it is.

7. I may very well have been joking around with everything while on the server, but serious topics were serious. I was never “demeaning” when Ghouse was venting about something that happened to him beyond a couple of lighthearted comments. I thought they’d have the same respect for me. Again, I had confirmed multiple times that I was joking.

8. I might not have done much wrong in the Panic Room situation, but the other things that people are saying about me? I had no idea.

That was the first time I’d ever heard of them.

In the past, my autism had gone completely unchecked. some of those things were from when I was a week into being on my first server… ever. I was 17, had no idea how to check for age or even pronouns. Never used anything but tumblr, never interacted with anyone. Never went to school or even had a job at that point. I more tried to figure out everything based off of my own experiences… which was, not good. To say the least. The things I did, in my head, I thought they were “normal.” This doesn’t make it less terrible, but I hadn’t even remembered some of the incidents until someone pointed it out. It was so mundane to me—I was a messed up child. I’m sorry for this.

8. I wasn’t the best person, I really wasn’t. I didn’t know how to “mask” my traits at that time, I was excited to be able to talk to people. I was protective over my friends (my first friends! ever!) and very clingy. I didn’t know that people held characters close to their hearts, either? (When I have a favorite, I only want to hurt them, you see)

So while the doc was deliberately taking things out of context, some of the other accusations are true, unfortunately. I will be posting my DMs between me and the people on the server in my doc.

9. I have explanations for what I’ve seen of the accusations, but I don’t really recall anything from that incident over 3 years ago… if someone had told me, or even confronted me, I’d have known what was wrong. But they didn’t, and they kept talking to me like everything was normal. I was completely unaware. This is most of the reason I thought people were plotting against me—people would be cold to me and I wouldn’t know why. The worst part is that I can’t apologize. I can’t even try to rectify anything. Some of the people in that server still played PAYDAY 2 with me, some would even reply to my DMs. I had… no idea.

I have hurt people. Unknowingly, but still. I apologize to anyone I’ve affected. Most of it was not knowing how basic social media functions worked. I hope you understand that my behavior was out of line, and that I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Don’t defend me on that, I was entirely wrong. But… smearing me in the fandom tag instead of going to me directly means that they want to attack me. They don’t want an explanation.

All of my actions were genuine. I never intended to hurt anyone, but that’s what ended up happening. I’ll put more detail into the doc.

10. I was already going to take a break. I was already doing poorly, and the server knew this. At that point, they want me to go through with it. What else would they be saying when they do all of this? Unless I’m reading that wrong. Whatever the reason is, they don’t want to help me, they’re deliberately being malicious and they know I wasn’t baiting.

Although, I guess I have to thank them. Now, I can say that I wasn’t delusional. I can say that I was too smart for my own good. How crazy does it sound to think that everyone was just waiting to betray me? But… they were. I can begin to trust myself again, even if it’s accepting some of my “negative thoughts” as reality. I won’t be reaching out to anyone I don’t already know, and there is safety in never putting myself out there again.

Thank you to everybody who stuck around. My delusions… weren’t entirely correct. Just like how most of my former friends blocked me on sight, there were a few people who didn’t mind when I wasn’t responding. There are some people who believed in me to a point where even if all those accusations were true, they believed that I could change. That’s… something I never thought I’d hear, ever, in my life. That is a form of trust I don’t deserve, really.

So, I was wrong again. Not everyone wanted me gone. It took all of this for me to realize that there were people who loved me in the truest form of it.

As for everyone who cut me off… well, I hope you understand that because of my mental issues, I can never trust you beyond a professional level. It is for my own wellbeing, because I’m still not doing good. I will still be taking that break. The PAYDAY 2 fandom was a source of reprieve for me, and now it’s not. It wasn’t an accident that it turned out that way. All my safe spaces have been taken from me. I don’t know why the Panic Room server hated me, so I can’t provide any extra insight on that.

The truth is, I haven’t been around because I’ve been dealing with depression for a long time. I’ve been passively… yknow. Not actively. I haven’t had the energy to respond to anything on most days, I’m sorry for that :(

All of this was just the breaking point, really.

Thank you for reading. I know most people won’t, but I appreciate those who do. I won’t blame the rest of you if you all decide to leave as well, I understand that. I never made the blog for other people, I made it for myself. This whole thing will serve as a reminder that there are more important things than online spaces. Can’t get therapy because I’m broke, but I can enjoy the few things I still can… even if I’m reminded of what I’ve lost. I don’t think I’ll really be here anymore, but I will be okay.

[misterxsamsa]

I really like everything OP said here, and I'm adding on my own thoughts, because I love this little freak, and I've gotten very inspired by everything this person said. [ADDENDUM: Okay, OP got upset at me in the replies over this one, so I'll just clarify that not everything I say is a direct reflection of what they think, or what their post is trying to convey. I'd normally just trust that you guys would be able to see that with your eyes, and understand that I like showing off anything people have to say about Jimmy, regardless of what that is, but they have spoken.] [It sucks, because I was following them, and I genuinely did really like their post, there's no one concrete Jimmy interpretation to me, and I love hearing people's thoughts, but I guess not everyone's on my wavelength about that kinda stuff. Whoops!] I've always seen him as being predisposed to dark thoughts, violent tendencies, and sexual predation, not only because of trauma we're not privy to, but because he has a craving for control and power.

We know that before encountering Johnny he was relatively passive, even non-confrontational despite the ridicule he'd get from others. All of the anger he felt was kept internal, since he was too cowardly to act upon anything. However, Johnny and his violence towards others gave him the image of this perfect power fantasy, since he's everything that Jimmy wishes he could have for himself: respect, dominance, a brooding image. That's all just fantasy, but Johnny's a real guy, so seeing him partaking in all that made it look attainable to Jimmy, hence the instant obsession.

You can see how this makes them different as killers, since they're fundamentally driven by different things. Johnny kills for a variety of reasons, ranging from anger to sexual gratification, but it can come down to simple boredom and uncontrollable compulsion for him too. However, Jimmy's only driven by power and control. Yes, he thrives off attention from others, but he's looking for a specific kind of attention that allows him to feel power and control, and he gets that from hurting others, and being the scary killer-dude on the news and whatnot, basically rising above his station as the awkward, lanky goth kid that nobody liked in high-school.

As for his obsession with Johnny, I think the basis on which that's founded upon is deeply interesting. Yes, he's projecting all of his hopes and dreams onto this stranger, but he's really not wrong about them being similar. I think what makes Johnny such a cathartic image for Jimmy is that he's everything that he wishes he could be, while having all of his same flaws. They're both self-indulgent, self-pitying, probably depressed, and consumed by misanthropy. I think the fact that they share all the same shortcomings allows Jimmy to romanticize those parts of himself, rather than confronting those things for what they really are.

I think at his core, Jimmy's probably consumed by a lot of repressed self-hatred, considering the fact that he's vacated his own identity in its entirety, in favor of LARPing as somebody else. Through Johnny, not only is he trying to find the friendship and companionship he's severely lacking, but he's hoping somebody else can see something worthwhile inside of him. He doesn't even seem angry, nor does he fight back when he realizes Johnny's going to kill him, he just looks very sad and scared. Look at that face! Mind you, he's huge compared to Johnny, and probably stronger, so if Devi succesfully kicked Johnny's ass I'm sure Jimmy could have done the same. However, his positive feelings towards Johnny are very genuine, even if they're founded on a dysfunctional basis.

However, as OP noted, there are a lot of ways that Johnny and Jimmy are extremely different, and most interestingly, despite all of his immaturity there are things Jimmy has over Johnny. Particularly, he takes himself a lot less seriously, and doesn't need to find as many justifications and ego barriers for his actions, as he thrives purely off of villainizing himself for the power and control that gives. He's able to see that Johnny is a violent asshole wallowing in his own self-induced misery, and while he phrases it in a very half-formed, juvenile, Jimmy-esque way it's a true observation nonetheless. I see Jimmy as being a very direct and honest person, though that's probably less through virtue, and more just out of a tendency to report on himself due to a lack of social awareness. However, he likes Johnny anyways, there are an infinite amount of layers to the dynamics between these two, it makes me insane.

Here's something I never hear talked about in relation to these two though, and that's the fact that Jimmy has been stalking Johnny for literal years. He says that he started in what would chronologically fall in Issue #1, since he saw him mass-murdering at the Taco Hell. Well, we know that Issue #1 takes place two years before Issue #2 at minimum because Psychodoughboy forms two years before Mr. Eff according to the Director's Cut biographies. It's implied that the rest of the issues occur over a much smaller timeframe, nevertheless, it's safe to assume that Jimmy's been watching him for a long time. I wonder what he thought of Devi, seeing her escape...

Honestly, I could go on about this guy forever, but he's got so many facets for what amounts to a one-off strawman character. He's incredibly socially unaware and oblivious to that fact, yet he's able to succesfully speak in the same flowery prose as Johnny, and accurately point out his flaws, and craft his own weapons, and get away with murder without any of the supernatural aid that Johnny receives, and that's so so interesting!

My views on this 👇 weird gross freak

I’m just gonna blabber on. Also I’m like reallyyy bad at explaining things and using my words, so if you see anything where you’re like “?” You can just ask and I’ll explain. I know I’m nonsensical but that’s part of the fun. Decoding sacred writings that are actually just a shopping list. ANYWAYS.

I think he does have similarities to Johnny, but what they have different is so different that it entirely negates the similarities. They’re very different individuals. Jimmy in my views, is someone who very much wants friendship. Connection to others, he yearns for it. It’s his main motivator. He cares so much about what others think of him, and wants all the attention. Most things he does I believe are for the attention of others. However there’s obviously some wrong shit in his head. Very wrong shit. These things make him turn to violence and other disgusting things, he’s infatuated with them, and by extension, those who commit said acts. Really their only similarities are violence, and seclusion. But Jimmy is excluded by force, he doesn’t want to be, he wants to be apart of everything

So he sees Johnny, and projects his own shit onto him. So he kinda views Johnny the way a sad internet teen views their comfort character. He also sees Johnny as a way out, a way out of his seclusion. He thinks they’ll relate to eachother and be best friends, obviously that’s not how it goes. But he looked up to Johnny, and genuinely truly thought they were the same. Seeing him as a role model who would help him, someone who would view himself the way he views Johnny. He thought they were on the same page when they were not. Instead of being viewed as something relatable and in need of help that Johnny could give, he was viewed as a delusional idiotic pest and a disgusting creature. Their motivations are entirely different is what I’m trying to say I suppose

I believe Jimmy doesn’t realize how crazy he is bc people just can’t tolerate his presence. So he doesn’t know what’s normal since he’s never been around normal for long. I also think he finds a lot of things boring, except for violence, because violence can be whatever you want it to be. Something funny, something sexual, something artsy, whatever. It can be an outlet for whatever you want. So I think that’s why he was drawn to that instead of other outlets, also because of a natural anger and frustration upon being treated differently and exiled from society. It’s a process with multiple steps 1) he’s already prone to violent thoughts like some people are 2) he uses violence to cope with feelings of isolation and his anger towards those who caused that for him 3) it becomes a “cure all” for all his feelings. And of course, violence expands to other things. Like sexual violence (to be clear, I don’t think Jimmy is a good guy. I just like thinking too hard about characters that has 3 pages worth of content)

I see Jimmy as the kind of guy to join internet groups and forums, searching for community, only for him to get banned and hated on. This is due to him not knowing how to behave correctly, and not really caring to know. He views this as people hating him for being different and hating him just as a person. When no dude, you say edgy fucked up shit and see no issues with it. I think all his violence and behavior and yearning is all subconscious btw. I don’t think he knows why he acts the way he does, he just sees it as who he is, which is why he takes rejection so hard. He doesn’t realize change is an option and he doesn’t even know what to change, as he doesn’t know what’s him, and whats a wayward response to his emotions.

He joins these communities, acts how he does, gets banned, and never reflects on himself. Because that’s hard to do, and I assume he’d be like this for awhile, so it would turn more into a fucked up routine of his. He’s trapped in it. I think when it comes to him in the…idk goth community, how he has the name “Darkness” and dresses like that, I think this is just another attempt of his to find community. But it doesn’t work bc I don’t think he’d care much about it. I think he was drawn to it bc ooo edgy and all, and he sees them talking about death and all that, and he misunderstands it all. He thinks people genuinely are as violent as he is, so he takes all talks of death and edgy whatevers entirely seriously, while for others it’s more of a poetic and aesthetic thing. He doesn’t understand why death obsessed goths aren’t out killing people themselves. I think he chose the name Darkness bc it sounded like other names in the community and no one he knew had taken it yet. Also bc he’s like “ohhh I’m so dark and evilll”. He didn’t put much thought into it, because he doesn’t care much for the community, and the reason he doesn’t care is bc he doesn’t understand why they say things he thinks but are nothing like him. Like I just said for them it’s poetry and something interesting and different, but for him that’s his normal. I worded this as best as I could it still don’t make sense. I need a whiteboard

He’d view himself as evil bc he is naturally inclined to awful and dark things and he doesn’t know why. I believe though it’s a mix of nature and nurture

TLDR…Jimmy is predisposed to dark thoughts and violent urges, and him being isolated due to not knowing how to act right makes his dark shit get worse and worse since his views on what’s normal keep getting foggier and foggier. And he projects onto Johnny, someone who’s also violent and isolated, and takes comfort in his imagined version of him. Only to die realizing the one person he could find company in and get help from and understanding from, hated him just as much as anyone else. No one’s reading all this shit bro wtf am I DOINGGG.

This is very messy and general. I’m kinda just talking to myself here so that I can further investigate these thoughts deeper. Also I like yammering

[deepseawave]

obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog

Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️

Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D

[triptychofvoids]

i know you say youre not a rp acc and not kin, but i wanted to ask, your art of medic, are you depicting yourself? should i refer to medic in your art as you? example "i love how you drew yourself in this"? idkk i dont wanna poke around but i wanted to be sure im referring to you correctly??

this is a good question, just one that im not sure i will ever be able to give a satisfying answer to. i did answer something similar here that im definitely not an rp account but im neutral on kinning, because the term seems so broad that i cant say for certain if thats whats going on. maybe! or maybe not! hmm and then my art of medic.. yes it is depicting myself. but i also recognize that medic is a fictional character, so it doesnt bother me if people refer to medic as medic! im just drawing him, it doesnt have to be more complicated than that. if that makes sense. its all one in the same to me so it doesnt matter and you dont have to worry about it :]€

[unproduciblesmackdown]

maybe bsol is that time jen tepper mentions when she was so upset about a review of a show of joe's that she broke a glass (&/or threw it out a window)

[cyberphuck]

Your emails are posted verbatim. I have no idea what you mean by “projecting “some other meaning onto an email that I took a screenshot of and did not alter the text of in any way other than to highlight certain parts of it and scribble notes in the margins. Your own words are right there for anybody to look at.

You run a business. You run advertisements for that business in order to make money. This is not some personal vendetta against you, it is someone trying to figure out what went wrong with their order because of a genuine misunderstanding. Your responses, outlining all of the different ways that they were wrong and that you were ”befuddled” that anyone might be confused by the wording on the sales email YOU wrote, and that you obviously would not send them a second item because making it right was obviously not worth the money that you would lose, were not appropriate for a customer service email. and again, your emails are posted exactly as they appeared in the email thread that was forwarded to me by Razz.

I tagged you in this post because I wanted you to see it. If I hadn’t wanted you to see the emails, my commentary on the emails, and my personal thoughts as to how I interpreted the words you used, I would not have made a post at all, let alone tagged you in it. I wanted an answer as to why you thought it was appropriate to treat my friend this way. As I said, there are a lot of people willing to come to your defense, but the only one that has come to Razz’s defense is me. That isn’t because Razz doesn’t deserve defenders. it’s because you are big and they are small, and I wanted as many people as possible to see how you treat people who are small. 

In your reply to my post, I have seen excuses, accusations, and more excuses. At no point have I read any acknowledgment that Razz may have had trouble reading your website or understanding the terms of the sale. At no point have I read any kind of apology or even an attempt to show that you understood their issue, sympathized with them, or cared even a little about the people who buy your product. Again, this is not because you’re new at making sales online or handling customer complaints as you have said in your post that you have been doing this for eight years.

As a longtime business owner, it is obviously your decision when and whether to spend money in order to ensure customer satisfaction. In these emails you made it clear to Razz that their satisfaction was not worth $10 in shipping costs. In posting these emails online, I wanted to show your other customers what kind of service they can expect if something goes wrong.

And again, your emails have been posted verbatim. Anyone who looks at them is free to interpret them however they choose, as I have done, and as Razz has done, as well as several other people who have seen them. Your defensive reaction to seeing them out in the open, and to being called out, speaks more to how you see them rather than how I saw them. You are far more interested in heaping blame on Razz for not understanding how to use your website than figuring out how to solve their problem. Again, and please do correct me if I’m wrong, but since you are a long time business owner and have had a lot of experience with handling customer issues, I can only assume that blaming the customer is your usual policy when it comes to solving those issues.

You are big. I can’t imagine that the complaints of one person matter much to you at all. But I think it’s best to let any future customers know where they stand when it comes to your respect and understanding before they purchase anything from you.

Your emails have been posted verbatim.

Couple weeks ago my friend sent me a link to @vaspider shop with their promotion for a buy one get one free on hot/cold packs:

Razz loves to spread the word about shops they buy from, especially small businesses or shops owned and operated by queer people. I did not need a popcorn scented heat pack, so I did not buy anything, but they did.

Tonight I got these messages: 



Emails, you say? Let’s see…

I just want you guys to know that this last line, “after this interaction I can no longer in good conscience promote your work or buy from you,” is akin to burning your crops and salting your fields coming from Razz. They are the most polite person I know. They do not want to stir up trouble. Part of it is because, as a blind person, they have had to learn to be non-confrontational in order to protect themselves, but it’s also because Razz is just genuinely a kind hearted and understanding person.

They live off of disability and occasional commissions, but they use what little money they have to support small businesses and independent artists because they appreciate the quality as well as the work that goes into each item. You can see here that Raz was trying to figure out if it was a genuine misunderstanding on their part because they hadn’t read the site correctly.

They were not able to read the site correctly because they’re blind.

This isn’t really about a misunderstanding, or Razz wanting to get the other item. It’s about Vaspider immediately treating them with contempt when Razz sent an email asking what had gone wrong. Is it the businesses responsibility to eat the cost of shipping due to someone not being able to understand the terms of the sale? It’s certainly good business practice, but I think Razz would have understood if they had been told that it would cost the store too much for another item to be sent if Vaspider hadn’t been such an asshole about it.

Razz is, unfortunately, used to disappointment. They are used to having to struggle to navigate websites that are not made with people like them in mind. They are even, at this point, used to having to lose money on things due to brain damage suffered from being forced into a botched medical procedure last year. But that isn’t how they opened this conversation. They opened with, “I think something may have gone wrong, can you help me understand what happened? “

The way Vaspider treated my friend is disgusting. I hope that those of you reading this will take Vaspiders behavior in this exchange into account when you’re deciding where to spend your money. The next time that you see one of their posts, a link to their store, or receive an email about a sale, I hope that you remember these emails and recall how Vaspider treats people that they don’t think are important. I want you to think about whether the group of people that Vaspider considers to be worthless might include you. 

I know that there are a lot of people willing to come to Vaspiders defense because they’re well-known and popular. They are so well-known and popular that they’re willing to treat one of their customers like garbage over $10 in shipping, and they’re willing to do it right out in the open for everyone to see.

Happy holidays, and eat a big old bag of dicks. 

Let’s fucking go.