#because who would be crazy enough to have over 3000 drafts??

[scarcelyodd]

Well, tumblr, you've made progress: I can now post incredibly-old drafts from my phone app, but I can't tag them with anything and have it save properly. #sigh

[prorevenge]

Refuse to be a decent human? Lose your house.

Warning: Very long story.

It's 2011, my boyfriend and I decided to rent a house with our best friends - an engaged couple with two kids. I'm changing names here: I'm Kylie, my boyfriend is Jim, and our couple friends are Brad and Angelina. Jim, Brad, and myself are active duty military.

After over a month of searching we found a really cute house- 1850 sqft, nice yard, great neighbors, only $1350/m, hardwood except for 1 room, 7 minutes from our base. The landlord is in a different state but tells us she pays one of the neighbors to manage the keys for her. It's a military town and that's not uncommon. We all met up with him, toured the house, decided to sign the lease.

We moved in sometime in August. We liked the house, but there were crickets coming into one of the bedrooms through a crack in the window sill. The landlord didn't want to fix it and said to caulk it. It worked, no problem.

We noticed the carpet in the living room was a little dingy and asked her if she would mind paying someone to clean it since we moved in that way. We even made a note of it and took pictures when we moved in. She said no. I bought my own cleaner and the carpet lightened a few shades.

In October, we went to cut the heat on and it didn't work. So we realized the oil tank was empty. Part of the lease states when we move out we needed to leave a full tank of oil, which isn't really a problem as long as we start with a full tank and use all the oil in it. Call the landlord and ask her to have the oil company come fill the tank - which it's 2011 so it's going to cost $1200 to do. She says no. We told her fine, we wouldn't be leaving a full tank when the lease was over though. She got mad and said we had to because it was a clause in our lease. We had the oil company provide statements to say the last time it was filled was that prior January and it was empty when they came to fill our tank that month. We filled the tank, but the heat still didn't work. It's been 2 weeks and it's really getting cold, we asked the LL to get a repairman out to the house. Brad and Angelina have two small kids that need to stay warm. My landlord took another week to fix the heat, and the people that did it were... questionable. It worked for a month, but then quit. We called in our own repairmen to come handle it since the last ones creeped me out, and he noticed some major issues with the chimney that needed attention right away. Like it was unsafe to run the heat at all, the damned thing was about to collapse. We let her know, emailed scans of the paperwork from our nice Honeywell tech and two quotes from contractors to get the work done. (it's going to be $3000-3500ish) It's an emergency repair, at the point it's December and we are really cold. We were using space heaters. The kids have chest colds and Angelina is ready to fly into our landlord's state to handle her physically. I mailed all of that information to her (Angelina's bodily threats omitted) with a signature confirmation and a letter stating the issue.

A few days pass and nothing from our bitch LL. I got onto Google and read the landlord tenant act and local landlord court cases just to see if I had a leg to stand on. I also spoke to my JAG, who's brother happened to be a real estate lawyer, who was also friends with my next door neighbor (the keyholder dude, who surprise, never got paid to watch the house) and decided to come over for dinner with all of us at their place. He gave me some really good info. The next morning, I called our landlord and told her, "look, you get this repair done or I will condemn the house and not pay a dime of rent until it's done". She says she doesn't believe me. I overnighted a certified letter to her explaining the issue and requesting the repair be started within 5 business days since it was an emergency and I had already reported it a week prior. 5 days go by, nothing. At this point I'm ready to walk out on the lease but don't have quite enough legal issues to back that up so- Jim and I requested 20 days of vacation from the military. I drafted a letter to LL telling her she had 10 days to get the repair done or we would terminate the lease, and we would not be paying rent while the heat was in disrepair. I cited the previous letter and included her signature confirmation for it also. 4 days before we go on vacation, I overnighted and signature confirmationed the letter. Two days before we are set to go on vacation I called a city building inspector, set an appointment, he came and condemned the house - it took him less than 15 minutes to decide. Brad and Angelina took off to Angelina's mom's house and Jim and I headed out to spend a few weeks in WARM, SUNNY Florida with his Cuban family. (mmmm, the food). We prorated rent for every day the house was condemned. I called the building inspector every few days to see if the work was done. He also demanded that my landlord do a few minor electrical repairs. Several days have gone by... I spent half that month's rent on good food, liquor, and Disney world tickets. On the 6th day in Florida, the landlord calls me threatening eviction. I told her to please take me to court because I was ready to embarrass her. I cited the landlord tenant act, told her I was going to sue for travel costs to FL, hotel costs, and at that point she was already looking at $850 and it was just going to get more costly. (Longshot, but, I was mad). I also said we were prepared to just walk out if it wasn't done by the time the certified letter stated it should be, again, I wasn't kidding. I had already reserved a uhaul. Oh, and she would be reimbursing me for that $1100 in oil I hadn't been able to burn. She said fine and finally replaced the chimney two weeks after the place was condemned. My neighbor told me she had to borrow money from her family to get it done. Not my problem. She also told me I was a horrible person who was torturing her and her 5 year old who were victims of domestic violence. She also told me we were only slightly better than the last tenants, who she "thought were black by how terrible the house looked when they left". Okay, wow, a slum lord and a racist - I should play the lottery. I'm sorry for your situation but your husband has been a shit to you since you got together. How do I know? Turns out, one of my supervisors is friends with her old supervisor and he and other members of her chain of command had responsed to fights where her and her husband hit each other. Apparently the husband is a drunk too. They tried to get her to leave him but she is just as bad, she busted out his windshield one time and burned all his stuff another. Turns out she got a general administration discharge. She seemed so nice and sweet when we were getting ready to sign that lease. I still can't believe what a bucket of kuku for coco puffs she turned out to be.

Whatever, we came home to a house with functioning heat. Brad and Angelina decided not to move back in but that was all cool with Jim and me. We notarized an agreement between us and told them we totally understood and would take over the rent. Missed them after they left, though.

Later on, in March, a realtor knocked on my door and said he wanted to show the house to a couple. I said, you have the wrong place buddy, I'm renting this right now. He's like no, the owner wants a short sale hopefully by July. I explained I had no notice and was a little confused but it was okay. He was very uncomfortable and unhappy to have walked into a situation where a tenant didn't even know he was coming. I told him it was totally fine, and went on to divulge some details about his new client. He was pretty appalled. He leveled with me- its a cute house but really only worth $90k due to the market crash. It had last sold for $124k, according to zuilla. She's asking for 120k and on the verge of foreclosure. Seriously? I let the couple and realtor in the next day. Didn't worry about it after that. He came to take detailed pictures so he wouldn't have to bother me with flaky potential buyers. He was so nice, I let him help me find a new house to rent when my lease was up. We are still friends on Facebook.

Then, in July the realtor called me and asked if he could show the house to a client. Absolutely. I cleaned and made sure I looked nice for her visit....and when they got to my house I noticed the lady was black. And she wanted to rent. I said, ma'am, call me later today and don't tell anyone. She did! I told her what my LL said about how she couldn't believe her past tenants were white because they left the house trashed when they left. I said, "I don't think this is a good house for you, I know a great guy who is renting out his beach side condo for the next year while he goes out to Africa, why don't you call him?" I text his listing to her, she calls him, ends up renting his house.

None of that is really revenge. Before we moved out, Jim and I cleaned the house. We left the carpets sparkling clean (had professionals come in and do it), payed a gardener to come in and make the yard spiffy, patched up some small nail holes and even painted some window trim that was chipped when we moved in. we basically left it better than we found it, we had already repainted 3 bedrooms in flattering colors when we first moved in (that was approved by the LL no problem of course). We took pictures before and after we moved in. A month goes by, we are all settled in our new condo, and she didn't give us a dime back in freaking deposit. $2400 down the damned drain, plus the cost of little repairs we made out of pocket so we couldn't have to deal with her crazy ass.

I was angry. I began organizing to go to court. Then suddenly Jim is told he's deploying soon. the fuck. A week goes by- Also, I'm pregnant. Which we were casually "not trying but trying" to do. We were happy about that part, but I was puking every day twice a day and emotional. Then Angelina calls me and guess who is on Craigslist slinging her shit hole slum? My LL. I lost it. I got on the same forum her ad was on and posted about the house, every single problem we had, every phone call, every snotty email, how many weeks we went without heat, the crickets, LL's messed up relationship with her off and on again husband, the oil tank, and the racist comments. I never said "don't rent or buy", just shared my experience as a tenant. I didn't name any names but I did link her ad. Received 7 emails thanking me stating LL seemed really nice on the phone but they would be dodging that bullet.

The house foreclosed a few months later.

(source) (story by slumriverofbliss)

[merigreenleaf]

Get to Know the Writer Tag

I'm still like a month behind with these tag games. If I was ever on time for anything, just assume I've been replaced with a doppelganger lol. @hklunethewriter tagged me in these and I love these questions so much! I'm not going to tag anyone in particular because I'm so crazy behind, but if anyone wants to do these, go ahead! Tag me back so I can read your answers. :D 1.) What AUs do you fantasize about the most? Not a specific kind of AU, but a "if this event had gone a different way, what would have happened instead?" I have so so many drafts of short stories started that are just based on characters making different decisions. One I turned into a finished short story ("Change of Choice" is on Wattpad) but the rest are in story-limbo. I may finish them someday or I might not. I think I just like to fantasize about what could have been. 2.) What’s most valuable in a beta reader? I'm not really sure because I haven't yet reached the point of needing a beta reader. I'm thinking it would be that they'd notice plot holes that I might have missed- I have a feeling I'll need that most lol. 3.) Which character is the most like you? I'd say I'm some weird cross between Adair and Etri. Like Etri has my social anxiety and introversion and is more like who I am now, but Adair has the cheerful naivety, see the best in everyone outlook I had when I was his age. I was also obsessed with food and cats and art back then and was way more outgoing and social. Honestly, now that I'm thinking about it, Adair's pretty dang similar to how I was at 18. (Now I'm wondering what Adair would be like in 16 years. I guess I’ll find out when I get around to writing the book that has his daughter as an MC!) 4.) What’s your WIP’s theme song? I have a few songs I tend to associate with book 1. In particular I'd say “One of Us” by New Politics, “The Lucky Ones” by Brendan James, and “Everything's Magic” by Angels and Airwaves. 5.) Describe your creative style in a word. Ridiculous. (I’m not insulting the question, my creative style is silly and ridiculous.) 6.) Is there a book whose pedigree you want to reach? ??? I guess this means is there a book that I'd want my books to be loved like? I'd probably say the Discworld series. (I know I won't be as popular, though, because my comedic fantasy series is so very lgbt+ and there’s going to be a large audience that isn’t cross-over. A lot of straight/cis dudes like Pratchett, basically, and that’s pretty much the opposite of my target audience.) 7.) Who do you think you write like? (You can put some text in iwl.me to see what you get. I’ve gotten Joyce and Shakespeare lol) Well, I was heavily influenced by Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams, and Mystery Science Theater 3000, so those are probably in there somewhere. (That link gave me Stephen King who I've never read anything by, but I can probably safely say I write nothing like lol.) 8.) If you had to go through a publishing press, do you know which one it’d be? It can be small, indie, or big. I still have no idea how I'm going to publish. 9.) How many finished stories do you have? Is this counting short stories and novellas? I think I had about six or seven prior to my current dorks and since then I've written about 16. I've only finished one book to the end, though. 10.) What’s the hardest part about being a writer? Having all these ideas and not being able to write them fast enough! I think my process is starting to speed up, but it takes me the better part of a year to finish one draft.

[bt2018bt2018]

Avoid paying $500,000 dollars of mortgage interests by raising kids with this idea for your retirement http://ift.tt/2DQNGem

Avoid paying $500,000 dollars of mortgage interests (like a Chinese) by raising kids with this idea for your retirement which convert kids’ income spent on their unnecessary materialistic wants into an annuity/monthly allowance to you in exchange for giving them the deed of your house at the end of 40 years. In 40 years, your kids would be wiser to manage the assets you leave to them compared to giving their money away to banks and businesses owned by upper class people who brainwash you with media and culture in order to lock you in a mortgage contract where you slave the rest of your life to repay that debt. PRINCIPLES:- 1. The family money should not leave the family and go into financial institutions. 2. Do not let the words of media/culture (controlled by the elites that want you to buy their properties) that take minutes to be spoken to sway you to slave at work for the rest of your life to pay the debt. 3. Don't feel despair by thinking that you are uncool for not having your own place. What is uncool is putting up with bad bosses and back stabbing colleagues for the rest of your life to earn money and give it to the bank. 4. Targeted for cultures that do not give monthly allowance to their parents and for cultures that give allowance which should also have a contract drawn up. 5. If your child doesn't want to pay you an allowance for your retirement and instead spend their money on sinful desires, why bother leaving the house to him or her when you could just sell the house to give to people in need, enjoy a nice holiday or whatever you desire in the period before you die. 6. It is funny that people donate to charity but do not donate to their parents whom are in need of help or a better lifestyle which brought them to the world and raised them. 7. Example scenario on the problem of trust: My parents promised to leave me the house but went crazy and gamble the house away when they got old. 8. What if my children spend their hard earned income on their materialistic desires when they are young and foolish which prevented them from having enough retirement savings when they are old? How do I control that? 9. Trust is unpredictable, changes all the time and intangible. 10. Helps the lower and middle class people to sustain and grow their wealth for all their unborn generations to come. BENEFITS OF IDEA: 1. A roof over your head with your partner and kids. 2. Shared resources with your parents to take care of each other. 3. Lower food expenses as you buy groceries in bulk. 4. Happiness and Family Time (Parents get to spend time with their kids). 5. Sufficient money for your parents to retire. 6. End the cycle of poverty especially for your future generations. 7. $500,000+ mortgage interests savings exclude opportunity costs in that amount could be reinvested in other financial products to earn interests. ($1 million dollars in high interests savings account gives you $3,000 payout monthly. Is that enough for you to retire?) 8. Ability to respond quickly to help your parents to the hospital in the event that they suffer a heart attack:- what is the cost of a few more years or decades of your parents' (who brought you up) life to you? 9. Your parents could help you to the hospital if you are pregnant and need you to deliver a baby. 10. Your parents could help look after your pets if you need to go for work trip / holiday or you can help to look after theirs. 11. A million dollars and house for your kids when you pass away. WHY IMPLEMENT THIS IDEA: 1. You can put up shit at work for a monthly pay check and you cannot negotiate this idea/contract that could give your parents retirement income, a house for you, free up your cash flow, and ending the poverty cycle for your future generations? 2. Would you live with your parents for a few more decades for half a million dollars v.s. putting up with a shitty workplace for the rest of your life for a few more decades to earn half a million dollars? 3. Why pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for two gardens and living room when most working adults spend the bulk of their time in one room doing computer work? 4. Teach this idea to your kids when they are young and if they stay with you, they might just save your life when you are having a heart attack. 5. Does anyone like to die alone? No. 6. With half a million dollars generated from implementing this idea, you could buy luxury handbags and Lamborghini sports car that you always wanted by a thousand times over. 7. If you need space, you can always use the mortgage interests’ savings for dining out for all meals, stroll in Melbourne's beautiful garden and watch movies everyday. 8. Instead of reverse mortgage to bank, reverse mortgage to kids. 9. What is the cost of sound proofing your room, cost of legal fees to you in comparison to $500,000 mortgage interests’ savings? HOW? 1. Stay with your parents even after marriage and having kids. 2. Enter a legal contract to buy the property from your parents in terms of paying them a monthly annuity till their passing. (Your lawyer can work out possible unhappy scenarios and other fine details). When your parents pass, the property is yours to keep and the deed would be under your name. 3. Business skills needed: Open communication, negotiation skills, sales skills, smiles, friendliness, eye for a good opportunity to bring up the topic. 4. House rules required as per staying in a rented property with strangers. 5. Buy a big house with enough room for three generations. 6. Put both your name and your parents name on the deed of the house, so one cannot sell the house without the other knowing. 7. Share the household bills. 8. Set ground rules. 9. Soundproof all rooms. 10. Endure for 20 years to hit one million dollars of cash > diversify in top 3 banks> put in high interests savings account/other financial products > get $3000 monthly interests payout > Enjoy life without working at all. ALTERNATIVE SOLUTION FOR THOSE WITH A RISKY APPETITE: 1. Stay with your parents and use your income to buy an investment property. 2. Draw up contract with parents as above but use the rental income to pay the monthly annuity to your parents. POSSIBLE FLAWS TO THE IDEA: 1. Noisy household that can be avoided by spending $50,000 out of that $500,000 mortgage interests (saved) to build a state of the art sound proof room for sex noises with your partner and etc. 2. Minute Legal costs 3. Remember to diversify your earnings between three banks to safeguard against the bank that goes bankrupt. SHARE THIS IDEA: 1. If you have already paid your mortgage, share this idea with your circle of influence and teach your kids this idea especially when they are young and impressionable. SIDE NOTE: To those people who have lost their jobs or are affected by my blog; I hope that my house idea would compensate you with a million dollars and would save your parents, your own life, and your kids' lives should they have a heart attack one day. Input from friend J: Hi Ben. There is no clear direction on this but from general contract law, a contract between family could be seen as a domestic arrangement - therefore the contract could be invalid and unenforceable if challenged in the courts. There is no legal consequences for the child. Unless the Family Law or Property Act is changed, there isn't a legislative basis. E.g pre-nupts are specifically set out in the Family law act but these days have a high rate of being challenged because they are not drafted properly. I'm not a property law or estate law expert but I would think the only way to transfer property legally is via a transfer of deed or will. You might want to check with a property lawyer on this. There are also succession and tax implications to consider. My initial thought is how would this idea work when there are more than 1 sibling? Maybe after 2 generations it would become messy to divide interests if one sibling died or did not want their share for example money, finance, mortgage, retirement, parenting, bank, insurance, law, contracts, savings, creativity, innovation

Musing, Musing - Money February 01, 2018 at 08:01PM

[junker-town]

How to be a bandwagon Falcons fan, from actual Falcons fans

Hold tight, there’s a lot to know.

Hello. You’re probably here because your team was one of the 30 unfortunate franchises that didn’t make the Super Bowl (been there before) or you just hate the Patriots so much that you need to take on the other franchise in this Super Bowl.

It just so happens that team is the Atlanta Falcons this season.

So here you are, trying to look like a legitimate Atlanta Falcons fan for whatever reason that may be. Fear not, by the time you finish reading this — no matter where you are from or what team you typically rep — you will come across as a real-ass Atlanta Falcons fan.

Players you need to know

Introducing the entire team would be way too long and unnecessary, so here’s some extremely basic info about the players you’ll hear from the most on Sunday.

There’s no better place to start than quarterback Matt Ryan, aka “Matty Ice.” There’s a vocal contingent of fans who have just about despised him up until this season, but he’s put it all together and gotten help from the rest of the offense. Now, Ryan appears to have built the strongest case to win the NFL MVP award.

His best target is Julio Jones. If you find yourself on Twitter during the game and Jones happens to make a big play, simply tweet “JULIOOOOOOOOOOOOO” and you’ll fit right in.

JULIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

— Harry Lyles Jr. (@harrylylesjr) January 22, 2017

Fans have also adopted the same with Mohamed Sanu, by tweeting “SANUUUUUUUUUUU” give or take some o’s and u’s in each, of course.

In the backfield, Devonta Freeman and Tevin Coleman are responsible for making opposing defenses put their hands on their hips or knees in exhaustion, desperately trying to get every last breath of air that they can.

Also: DEVONTAAAAAAAAAAA!

Defensively, know Vic Beasley, the NFL’s regular season leader in sacks. And don’t forget the vet, Dwight Freeney, and young defensive backs Keanu Neal and Robert Alford.

This team also loves its ping pong, and SB Nation’s own Jeanna Thomas is your insider for all things there.

Matt Ryan just used his hand as a ping pong paddle. Good awareness, savvy veteran move

— Jeanna (@jeannathomas) December 2, 2016

He’s not a player, but you should also know about head coach Dan Quinn. The Falcons have gone through plenty of coaches in the past, but Quinn is a proven winner in the past with the Seahawks, and has brought that same feeling to Atlanta.

Know the Falcons’ struggle

The Falcons haven’t had a lot of nice things in the past. They have the third-worst winning percentage of all 32 NFL franchises in history, with an all-time record of 341-437-6. Only the Arizona Cardinals and Tampa Bay Buccaneers are worse. Within that losing record are plenty of single moments that had — and still have — fans shaking their heads in disbelief.

A “BRIEF” RUNDOWN:

Dave Hampton becoming the first 1,000-yard rusher in team history, then losing it on the next play

Losing Michael Vick after he went to prison for dogfighting

Watching Bobby Petrino leave — for Arkansas — with the quickness

Jim Mora said he'd take the University of Washington head coaching job over the Falcons job "even if they were in the playoffs”

Scoring 2 points in a playoff game against the Giants

Blowing a 17-point lead in the 2012 NFC Championship to the 49ers

Losing on a pick-2 to the Chiefs

Eugene Robinson getting arrested the night before Super Bowl XXXIII after trying to solicit a prostitute who was actually an undercover cop

The Tomahawk Chop (a Braves rallying cheer) broke out in a home game in 1991, which seemed cool... until they lost.

Trading away a young Brett Favre, even though he wasn’t all that great in Atlanta. It was still Brett Favre.

Wade Traynham whiffed on the opening kickoff in the team’s second game in 1966

The 15 years between those big playoff games vs. Dallas and Dan Reeves getting hired, the Falcons were 79-147-1, a .350 winning percentage

When Deion Sanders returned to the Georgia Dome after playing five seasons with the team and stared down the entire sideline while running back a pick-six

The “Gritz Blitz” defense. We invented a pressure and named it after FOOD

Picking Aundray Bruce No. 1 overall in 1988. He played 34 games for the Falcons.

The 2012 draft class

Noisegate (we don’t give a shit)

Jamal Anderson’s ACLs

Other items to note

#RISEUP. The Falcons’ mantra was adopted in 2010, and while it initially wasn’t received well when the Falcons weren’t exactly doing too much winning. Now, we’ve pretty much just accepted it for what it is at this point.

This “Rise Up” video is wonderfully soulful, and something that we can all agree is good:

Samuel L. Jackson doesn’t play games when the Falcons are on, either:

O MUTHAPHUKKYN K!! Finally, some Grown Man Football! Rise Da Fuck Up!!!!

— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) September 20, 2015

The 1991 Back in Black Falcons, where the team went back to their black uniforms for their 25th anniversary.

The Falcons ran an option offense for three years, with the No. 1 rushing offense, and no one noticed. They said Mike Shanahan invented the option a decade later.

Until 1998, our greatest head coach was a crazy person who awarded himself trophies and gave tickets to invisible Elvis. (Hey, Jerry Glanville)

The Falcons' first owner, Rankin Smith, once got drunk and grounded his yacht, "Pocket Change,” on a reef in the Bahamas

They’ve had a handful of notable players in franchise history

Steve Bartkowski: Bartkowski, who played for 10 years with the Falcons, is the only quarterback in the team’s ring of honor.

William Andrews: Andrews was one of the best running backs in the NFL during his time with the Falcons from 1979-83. He suffered a knee injury that kept him out for two seasons, before coming back as a tight end in 1986 for one season.

Jeff Van Note: Van Note played center, and was a five-time Pro Bowler in Atlanta, where he spent his entire career from 1969-86.

Tommy Nobis: The first player ever drafted by the Falcons in 1966. He was also the first Falcons player to be voted to the Pro Bowl in his rookie season. He is Mr. Falcon.

Deion Sanders: Primetime! He spent the first five seasons of his career with the Falcons, while also playing for the Atlanta Braves. He even played in the 1992 World Series.

Jessie Tuggle: He’s one of the greatest players in franchise history. “The Hammer” was a fierce linebacker that was a fan favorite for over a decade.

Claude Humphrey: Humphrey was a first-round pick by the Falcons in 1968. Another early Falcons legend, he finished his career as the all-time sack leader in franchise history. He’s also a Pro Football Hall of Famer.

Others to know:

Terence Mathis, Bob Whitfield, Bob Christian, T.J. Duckett, Warrick Dunn, Ray Buchanan, Jamal Anderson, Chris Chandler, Keith Brooking, Tony Gonzalez, Alge Crumpler

Rivals of the Atlanta Falcons

1. Saints

2. Saints

3. Bobby Petrino’s team

4. Saints

5. Niners

6. Saints

7. Matty B Raps

8. Bobby Petrino

9. DeAngelo Hall

10. Joe Horn

11. Drew Brees

Musical interests can be used to weed out fakes

Listen, if you haven’t paid attention to anything before this, you need to be on top of this if you’re really trying to sell your “fandom.”

The city of Atlanta does not play when it comes to our music. In particular, the hip-hop scene is something that we hold near and dear to our hearts. I won’t list everything because we’d be here all day. Instead, here’s a brief (and incomplete) list.

Outkast: This is the perfect starting point for anybody trying to fake the funk. Outkast is one part of the Atlanta hip-hop scene that nobody can argue against. Andre 3000 and Big Boi combined for one of the greatest duos hip-hop has ever seen.

Jeezy: Jeezy probably doesn’t get as much love as he deserves. He’s got so many classics like Let’s Get It: Thug Motivation 101 and The Recession that we won’t list them all. But know Jeezy the Snowman.

Ludacris: Luda is a graduate of Georgia State (where tuition is handled by the dean of students office), and along with Jermaine Dupri, made arguably the Atlanta anthem: “Welcome to Atlanta” which should absolutely play inside any airplane that touches down at Hartsfield-Jackson. But that’s another conversation.

T.I.: He’s got a discography that’s almost as vast as his vocabulary. Also, Michael Vick was in the “Rubberband Man” video. Rise up.

Gucci Mane: You can’t say enough good things about Gucci. Just grab a glass of lemonade and kick back and listen to The State vs. Radric Davis.

Crime Mob: Just know and respect “Knuck if you Buck” and pretend like JuJu on that Beat never happened.

Shawty Lo: The unofficial mayor of Atlanta (R.I.P)

Future: Being proficient in his newer material will suffice. You won’t be on the bandwagon too long, but you should be listening to Future if you aren’t anyway.

Migos: They’re arguably the hottest on this list with their new album Culture that came out featuring “Bad and Boujee.” On their song “T-shirt” from Culture the beat is from Dem Franchize Boyz’s “White Tee” just slowed down. Freakin’ geniuses.

Rae Sremmurd: That mannequin challenge that flooded your timeline for a month? That was them. But they make more dope music than just “Black Beatles.” Their name is also “ear drummers” backwards.

Miscellaneous tidbits about Atlanta

The Varsity actually isn’t that great, and we leave it to tourists

We love Waffle House, and you better not slander it

There’s OTP (outside of the perimeter) Atlantans, and ITP (inside the Perimeter) Atlantans

Regardless, anybody in the suburbs 45 mins to an hour from downtown will tell you they’re from Atlanta

If Georgia didn’t have Atlanta, it would be Mississippi

Not all Atlantans drive trucks: some have Dodge Chargers, while others drive Tahoes

Sweet tea

Chick-fil-a is now as common as McDonald’s are everywhere else and we live by it

Almost everybody in and around Atlanta has an ATV, including former Braves great Chipper Jones, who used his to rescue Freddie Freeman during a rare snowstorm

That’s a fairly brief and sufficient rundown of what you’ll need if you’re trying to prove your “Falcons fandom” at your Patriots-fan cousin that you hate’s Super Bowl party or whatever the case may be.

Enjoy the ride.