#because what the god represents and who he is don't align and it sort of crushes him

[happyk44]

jasico prompts!!!!! i have several you can choose ur favorite:

stupid newlyweds who are on honeymoon and therefore their braincells are dead, not noticing weird things happening around them bc 1) they're used to weird shit 2) they just got married and are too into each other to notice the terrorist attacks, alligators, and mafia shootouts

classic coffeeshop au except this coffeeshop is definitely a front for money laundering but the receptionist is So Cute so you can't blame jason for going there everyday

jason has wall of nico photos that are definitely not creepy and he insists that its just his cork board where he puts photos of friends on except its mostly nico.

god!jason kidnaps nico to piss hades off but oops now he's in love and he keeps making excuses as to why he cant release nico: weather's too hot, you owe me money, i have a cold, etc etc

It wasn't a shrine. No matter what Leo said, it wasn't a shrine. Shrines were completely different - Jason knew that. He had a couple actual shrines and this, this was just a photo album. It wasn't even technically dedicated to Nico. It just sort of... ended up there.

Jason couldn't really pinpoint when or how Nico's photos became the prime material of edge page. The album had been a simple idea. Something to look at when he was feeling lonely and remember that he had friends. Initially it was just a small photo book he took with him on his travels but ever since Leo made him that portable printer, he had expanded it to a couple collections.

He hadn't been hiding it either. The albums were innocuous from first glance, protected. Everyone knew he had them, he talked about them all the time. Every time he whipped out his disposable camera, and then later his shock-proof phone, he'd say a quick, "For the album." And they'd smile and pose. There were a lot of candid photos too.

Travelling was just easier for Nico. So he was around more. Checked in more. Of course, Jason was going to have a lot of photos of him.

But as he flipped through his albums, he was beginning to speculate that maybe Leo was onto something. It still wasn't a shrine but...

Well, Nico was pretty. The light caught his face in wonderful angles. There were times he'd be laughing and Jason would think, I have to remember this.

The thing about losing all your memories? You wanted to make sure you had something, just in case it happened again. He wanted physical proof. Leo was here. Piper baked cookies. Hazel had a birthday.

Nico laughed. Nico smiled. Nico disappeared into the corner shadows of the wall. Nico held a puppy. Nico walked around with a half-grown chicken on his head for two hours.

Jason closed the album shut and set it aside. Nerves tousled up inside him. This was... perhaps a problem he had not anticipated. He steeled his breathe inside himself.

It wasn't a shrine. Shrines were for worshipping. For holiness. And his pitures of his friends were important and beloved, but they weren't worshipped. Or holy to him. They were just memories. They were just moments. They were just...

He closed his eyes and exhaled softly.

Sprawled out on the bed, Leo snored. Jason honed in on the sound as he creaked open the album closest to him and reviewed the photos. Nico's hair caught in the moonlight, his head tilted back up to the stars, eyes closed, face blissful. Half a second later when he caught Jason taking a picturing and started laughing. Another half second and the smear of his hand, his dark eyes peeking out just above.

Jason traced the picture.

I knew you loved him, Leo had laughed hours ago as he'd flipped through pages, but I didn't realize it was obsessive horror movie shrine type love.

Of course, Jason loved him. He loved all his friends. Nico was important to him. And these photos weren't - they were just a memories. Just moments.

Jason flipped through the pages of the album. The brushes of air caught against his skin. Thoughts of sinking into shadowy tendrils, the rush of nothingness, fluttered to the front of his mind. Nico's hands cold against his. His quiet, Are you okay? as Jason readjusted to solid ground.

In the album, Nico reflected back at him from every corner. Dark eyes glinting with secret smiles. The curve of his jaw. The spread of his hands. Other people sat in the pages too. But Nico outnumbered them all. He was front and center. Just looking at him filled Jason with a thick warmth he hadn't felt in a very long time.

He paused. An understanding dawned on him.

Of course, I love him, he's my friend, he'd huffed back at Leo earlier. And it's not a shrine.

Leo had grinned wickedly. His eyes were alight with a knowing that Jason detested. He hated the way Leo always seemed to know him better than he knew himself. Not in a factual logical way - but emotionally. Jason could introspect on himself for decades and never come out with the emotional understanding Leo could sniff out just by looking at him.

It's totally a shrine, dude. He'd laughed a little here, hipchecked Jason. And you're not thinking of the same love I'm thinking of.

He didn't elaborate then and Jason didn't ask. But he got it now.

Maybe it was a shrine then. Sort of. Looking at Nico - candid and posed - filled him with a quiet delight, a sense of clarity. And there was devotion there. It sat quiet in his bones, waiting for the moment Nico would appear from the shadows like an unholy angel. Then it would rattle up cut through Jason's core like a hot knife. Like an iron brand.

He'd been branded in the name of a god before. Although then, he had been an unknowing participant, sat down before a group of adults and burned until his tongue bled. His shrine was devoted to a statue. His prayers heard without much response.

This time was different. His shrine was smiles and humanity, warmth. His calls went answered every time. The brand on his soul had been placed there willingly. He'd chased it down with heavy teeth and was rewarded with blood and family.

Jason pushed Leo's legs out of the way and crawled into place next to him.

The last couple of years had been spent wandering around from place to place, restoring temples, building shrines, remembering the forgotten, taking care of the old. In his travels, he'd hoped for a deity he could take pride in like he used to. When he'd ask them what they wanted from a follower, they'd smile knowingly with crooked teeth and sharp eyes and shaky hands.

They knew the truth he was too blind to see.

He'd already found his god.

Now he just needed to prove his devotion.

[edraculation]

god i fucking hate how much the homestuck fandom waters down characters. hussie did such an amazing job at giving us a collection of multifaceted and nuance-rich characters to really become invested in, and so much of the fandom insists on molding them into a one-dimensional husk of themselves that only reflects the traits they can use to fulfill a trope of some sort, especially female characters. and so often this leads to people horribly misunderstanding so much of the story due to blinding themselves to why somebody could be doing something, either demonizing or angelicizing characters that are actually morally grey, or even the opposite alignment of what the fandom assigned them. this is represented perfectly in the "which troll was the worst" argument, where people almost always respond with gamzee, eridan, or vriska. while I don't believe any of the three were entirely innocent, i don't believe any of them were entirely in the wrong, either. for gamzee, so many of the things people point to in order to make their argument of him being awful or irredeemable were while he wasn't fully capable of properly vetting his decisions, e.g. sopor withdrawal. eridan is definitely less defendable than gamzee, as all of his actions were done in his right mind, but we do have to step back and look at the bigger picture. not only was he a young teenager living under a series of extremely traumatic events, he had lived his whole life having violence drilled into his head because of the lifestyle he had to live and the influence he took from Dualscar. i feel like these factors more heavily influenced his personality, and eventually his violent outburst, more than people give him credit for. after all, i feel like it's obvious that he would've turned out significantly less bitter and violent if he had been raised with more nurture. especially since feferi, a troll of a caste even more known for violence than eridan's, was significantly kinder. vriska, by far the most controversial of the three, was at least partially a product of spidermom's influence. she had no choice but to feed her lusus, of course, so what choice did she have but to become accustom to murder? coupled with the fact that manipulativeness is a trait her caste is nearly universally predisposed to, we can't have expected much from her in terms of kindness to others. now, none of this is to say any of these characters are entirely innocent, they most certainly are not. their flaws are obvious to anyone who's read the comic, so i won't touch them, but labeling any of them as simply "guilty" or "innocent" is a harsh disrespect to hussie's ability to create characters with depth and humanity. no one troll is entirely evil or entirely good, they all have flaws and redeeming traits that give them a truly life-like feel, which makes me believe that asking which troll is objectively the worst is reductionary at best and truly a crime against the masterpiece of literature that is Homestuck.

[dramadramallama]

Love Supremacy - brain rot part 2

As Myung-ha rejects the idea of a predetermined fate, he sets off to change it for Yeo-woon, who’s mirroring him in every way. When we first meet our Myung-ha, we also meet the most mysterious character of the show. Is it Death? A guardian angel? God? Whatever it is, he knows more than Myung-ha, and has some wisdom to share. Thus, a sunbae. 

The fact that he is represented as some sort of Author is not lost on me, but I do appreciate that his identity is vague enough to be interpreted many different ways. No religious connotations, no punishment, no judgment, we cheered.

In theory, Myung-ha finds the idea that some people just don't live happy lives unfair. He doesn’t like the story’s ending (he doesn’t like his own ending either, as he regretted it in the last moments) so he sets off to change it through this new opportunity (the Game). When asked, "would you do things differently, if it were you, then?" he unequivocally answers that he would, that he would make it happen differently. Looking back, it’s clear his sunbae is not asking hypothetically. The underlying conversation is obviously about his own life being re-written, not (just) Yeo-woon’s. 

1. Mirrors/Symmetry ▶️2. Fate, Free Will, and Happiness 3. Game/Reality

So in theory, he’s all for doing things differently, but in practice, though, it's not that easy. He’s struggling not to make the same mistakes, which is represented with the in-game instability. When Myung-ha makes progress, when he both shows love and accepts it in return, the game (life) is able to go on in spite of the glitches.

Golden moments keep us going, literally.

After experiencing some system errors, some setbacks, his sunbae comes back to the rescue with some more not-so-hypothetical questions.

Through the lens of a loving relationship, he hopes to show Myung-ha that the choices we make out of despair are still our own (free will). It’s a direct parallel to Myung-ha deciding to cut his life short (break up, no pain, no hard feelings), instead of living longer (delaying it, enduring the hurt, getting scars, coping with regrets). 

Myung-ha is not quite ready, and has trouble understanding what is being implied. Because he hasn’t reached a state of self-love, he unknowingly doubles down on the fate he’s assigned himself once, and chooses to repeat it. 

He chooses to give up (again), he chooses to avoid the suffering (again), which he associates with unhappiness. It takes just as much courage to live as it does to die, and happiness doesn't exempt you of pain, but Myung-ha doesn’t know it just yet. He falls back into his old habits, and symbolically gives up staying longer in the game (of life), worried about Yeo-woo’s happiness more than his own. 

After working tirelessly to get Yeo-woon to happiness, and becoming the reliable person Yeo-woon can lean on, he hits the wall of his own contradictions. The relationship is uneven, the choice too biased. The gap widens, the fragility of the whole thing is apparent: the game is bugging, as Myung-ha doesn’t align his needs/desires with his actions/reactions. 

Not only does he refuse Kyung-hoon’s and Yeo-woon’s offer to lean on them (he hurt his leg following a system error), he also struggles accepting his own feelings. In spite of the time running out, he fails to tell Yeo-woon he loves him properly, retains important info about himself, and breaks up with him in the exact same location where they share their first kiss (loud wailing sounds of poetic cinema)

Myung-ha’s core issues are bursting out in the open (increasingly alarming error messages appear): because he doesn’t let himself be loved, he can’t love properly. Because he can’t lean on others when he needs it, he fails to be there when it matters. 

Myung-ha misguidedly keeps choosing a sad ending for himself when the whole game, his whole life, is fighting to give him a happy one.

That’s not to say his entire journey until now was in vain. In fact, Myung-ha is incredibly resilient (child...❤️), and opens himself to change at the end. He’s just missing a piece of the puzzle for it all to fit into place. It is, in fact, quite a big pill to swallow that happiness doesn’t happen to you passively like destiny, but instead is something that you actively choose. Hell, I struggle to even comprehend or believe it, tbh.

The game being littered with questions, answers, and possible choices/options is a visual representation of our everyday pondering, and choice making. What goals are we setting for ourselves? Myung-ha's sunbae is there to remind Myung-ha that if we refuse the existence of fate, then we should make use of your all-powerful free-will. 

At first, he blindly runs towards the game’s main goal--happiness--and doesn’t realize you can’t find it at the finish line. If he only wants happiness for someone else and not himself, why would he get a different ending? By the end, he learns that happiness can, possibly, be found on the way there, though.

The hand, the love he extends to Yeo-woon one-sidedly in episode 1, he accepts it when it is returned in episode 8.

The story comes full circle, but doesn't repeat itself; he gets a different ending through a new start.

From a pure stylistic standpoint, I'm obsessed with repeated lines/motifs in media because they give a lot of rhythm to a story. Like a poem or a song.

The story reaches its final stanza, he listens to himself, and resolves the error, his own contradictions. He found the will to fight for happiness, a way to love himself, chooses to stay longer, chooses Yeo-woon, chooses to maybe suffer along the way a little, but he chooses life. 

Notice how the question does not have Myung-ha's answer this time. Now, we choose.

Life is not an express lane, and if you're short 5,000 won to take the bus, or if the bus breaks down on the highway, you might have to fight and make a run for it. It'll suck. But it's not in vain; you might just get rewarded with the happy moments you created for yourself. Myung-ha does.

It is such a hopeful, kind, gentle message.

I am alive too.

[david-talks-sw]

any new Star Wars essays in the making, or are you moving on?

I don't know, honestly.

Part of it is "life gets in the way," I'm working a lot and so whatever time I have left is spent just messing around or meeting with my loved ones.

I've got a bunch of stuff in my drafts. I don't mind sharing it here, most recent to oldest:

Sort of a joke post of me pointing out how stressful being George Lucas' producer must've been, like this guy really DIDN'T WANT to write his fucking scripts, did he? Poor Rick McCallum. Abandoned because who gives a crap.

'Ask' reply on how EU-fueled fandom perception of the Jedi was flipped by the prequels.

'Ask' reply about the themes in Ahsoka and why the show doesn't know what it's about. Problem is, I go about it starting from the basics, so nobody's gonna sit through reading a tematic breakdown of the first Pirates of the Carribean movie, The Batman and the original six Star Wars films before I even get to the show at hand.

"Part II" post about what Ahsoka, Rebels and TCW get right about lightsaber duels, which the Prequels never did.

Quote collection & analysis on just how complex the Prequels were meant to be (in the late 80s, Lucas intimated that the Sequels were the story that was supposed to have gray morality, not the Prequels)

Quote collection on how the themes and principles of Star Wars align with Lucas' own opinions and philosophies.

Quote collection on Lucas defining Anakin's flaws.

Quote collection on Lucas talking about the fact that we need to be more proactive, which aligns with what Lumi points out sometimes about the Jedi: they should've been more politically engaged because we all should be.

Why I approach Lucas as "word of god".

Personal life/joke-y post dating from the time of the WGA strike about how Jack Black's School of Rock lyrics "In his heart he knew, the artist must be true, but the legend of the rent was way past due!" applied to me. Abandoned because I didn't wanna bum everyone out.

Correcting the notion that Dark Times-era Jedi such as Kanan or Ezra or Ahsoka represent what Jedi were supposed to be.

A comprehensive end-all outlook on how Anakin's flaws all tie together. I've written this one twice and I don't know how to differentiate it from my other posts.

A secret "Part 3" to my TLJ Luke post, in which I point out that RJ's being too "indie", while being a strong point for a big chunk of the film, hampers the film's ability to make Luke feel as badass as he does on paper. I want to illustrate a storyboard for this one, but that takes time.

The evolution of Star Wars' approach to transmedia.

Debunking Star Wars myths: a (very) comprehensive outlook on children in the Jedi Order.

Problem is that only like 2/3rds of these are fully-written... and I still need to find the relevant clips, turn them into GIFs, etc etc.

There's many other interesting Asks in my inbox btw. But I'm already behind on all these, so I haven't begun to touch them.

Then there's the drawings.

I wanna draw a comic of the meeting between Yoda and Dooku in Dark Rendezvous. I wanna finish the comic fight between Maul and Ben. I wanna draw Mace, Shaak Ti, I've got a Luminara fan-art that was supposed to be ready for Jedi June 2022 and an Anakin drawing that looks weird. No time, nor am I skilled enough. (Like, I trace, that's what I do, it's not a secret I've said so before... but it takes me a long while to do so. I'm not fast at drawing, let alone coloring.) I could commission some of these, but there are obvious obstacles there.

There's fun tidbits I've discovered here and there but nobody will care about them and I usually try to not drown my blog with bs posts.

Then there's the bigger problem.

All the things I've listed above? I'm not 100% motivated to finish. But a lot of the new stuff I wanna write about is hella negative.

I had a lot of stuff I wanted to say about Ahsoka. But it wasn't all good. It was mostly me bitching, be it about the show or the fandom's reactions to it.

I've also got more stuff to say about Filoni's take on Star Wars, but I've talked about why it's inaccurate like 8 times already, and I don't actually dislike the guy, like there's plenty of things he knows and does that I think are awesome but also people won't stop putting him and his takes on a pedestal and--

oh shit, there's Acolyte too, I forgot about that, gray morality galore, here we come. But here too, like... I've talked a couple of times about why this entire gray morality thing is actually just the gen X-ers trying to make the prequels "cool" and "complex". but I've never explored properly, with quotes and research and shit. but i've talked about it so many times that at this point it'd end up like the Filoni rants, redundant. "we get it already." as if this show didn't have haters lined round the block for absolutely sexist reasons.

Don't get me started on the mountain of lies and/or idiocy that is the YouTuber Star Wars Theory.

And yet he said one thing a few months ago which struck a chord within me and it's the fact that Andor is awesome, excels on all levels because it's treated seriously, like a proper show, not a Disney Plus one... why wasn't Obi-Wan Kenobi? Why wasn't Book of Boba Fett? And I've already established multiple times that I enjoyed Kenobi (yes, including the Reva parts) and I've established that I know what they were going for in Fett and I've established that this is mainly a "Disney Plus didn't know how to structure a fucking show pre-WGA strike" issue more than anything else... but when I think about how these could've been treated instead? When I look at the characterizations and emotional stakes of like Fargo Season 5? It's infuriating. Because it's not bad (talking about Kenobi, BOBF is awful)... but it could've been EXCELLENT and instead it was just "okay" to "good".

I just miss live action lightsaber duels, man. Like, good ones.

and i dunno. maybe I should just let it rip on all this. "go off, king!"

but I think there's so much negativity re: Star Wars that adding my thoughts on these subjects, no matter how structured and reason, will just blend into a wave of needless, un-constructive hate.

maybe I should finish the writings in the drafts and just post them with no gifs, maybe just still images?

but doing any of that feels like a step back.

So that's where I'm at right now.

[albontology]

would you be willing to explain the geochalex tag on the angel/fae/machine rules post. i am assuming george = machine rules but i don't know about alex or charles and i am interested

oh yeah great question!! thank you for asking, i'll say tl;dr: in my mind, george = fae rules, charles = angel rules, and alex = machine rules. reasoning and extreme yapping under the cut o7

first massive disclaimer is this is rpf-goggles equipped i dont actually know shit and am making half of this up. naturally. so from there.

so what initially drew me to think of that/tag the post as geochalex is because of the inherent disciplinary quality of being a driver: not only do f1 drivers have to abide by a multitude of rules, but they're often one of two representatives of a mass of people and a brand, and further they have to be in control of their bodies at all times. so in this very flowery sense, the figure of the driver is one defined in relation to the rules they have to abide by both in the established system and in the larger expectations of the industry. following that, the way that i matched geochalex to their respective alignments has to do with this framing of relationship of driver to authoritative power, the 'rule-arbiter'

the first and immediate association to me was george with fae rules because of his status as gpda prez and resident rulebook consumer. this has recency bias, ofc, but in particular, think back to all the posts on how george being called to the stewards is just an exercise in his memorization of the fia rulebook. george respects the rules and abides by them, but does not take them for face value, and is more than willing to flex his expertise with them to augment his own position in relation to them. there's also the association here of fia rules-fae rules as a power tied up in the nuances of class and society, though that's more tonally tenuous. the more important aesthetic consideration is those massive and haunting baby blue peepers of his. they must be borne of some sort of otherwordly magicks.

second is charles and angel rules. ofc, here, 'god' is the religiously fervent spirit of ferrari. was there ever any question. coming from a very catholic slant, the components of love, awe, and fear as necessary motivators to follow the rules are key. charles loves ferrari, and, i would say, does fear it in the christian sense of the word. to disobey ferrari, or to vocally express his displeasure with it (or its extensions i.e. engineers), is not necessarily disallowed, but like.. you can feel how those rifts kind of marr this massive tapestry of ferrari lore and how charles is woven into it. how do i express this?? the "irreversible consequences" of the og post has to do with how the entire ecosystem, legacy, and history of ferrari are tied up into how charles represents them, and how 'rule breaking' is not only a transgression but a betrayal.

finally is alex and machine/ai rules. alex, i love you, but this was a bit of a shoehorn to complete the trifecta. still, i think out of all three this one fits alex best, because, in the system of dynamics we've established, alex is the one that doesn't have this single entity to be set in opposition to. in the ai-allegory, alex is a cumulation of information he's gathered from various experience, and the rules he has aren't necessarily prescribed by a single creator, but instead are a self-imposed disciplinary practice that runs embedded into his every behaviour. this to me is very alex!! as the media-designated 'personable funny guy on the grid', alex is constantly receiving input from all directions on how he should behave, and in my view has baked into his being the need to be highly functional, agreeable, yet disciplined in every regard. if he intentionally transgresses upon this model, it fundamentally shifts who he is (largely by reshaping how people perceive him). also, the idea of willingly breaking one's self to surpass their limits, while equally applicable to many other drivers, really resonates with alex's story to me given how much he's been through and sacrificed.

the final meme in the original post, where representatives of fae, angel, and machine come together in a meeting of the minds to discuss what the fuck god's problem is. that's what they're talking about in the driver debriefs. among other things, like the shanghai good boy collar and when in your career is too early to get a full-back tattoo.

[alephskoteinos]

May I ask how you interperet Hellsing as a LHP practitioner?

More like student, but...

I have covered a lot of that in an article that I wrote in January when I was still reading Revolutionary Demonology, and I believe I've posted about on here before writing it out.

The irony central to Hellsing's overall premise has never escaped me. You know what I mean, I'm sure. The Church of England setting up the Hellsing Organisation to fight vampires, ghouls, the general forces of darkness and what not, and their ace is not only a vampire, he's essentially Dracula himself! I'm well aware of it, and that's why I don't cringe or wince at the Christian imagery as I might in other cases. In fact I often find myself thinking of Alucard as the closest thing that anime or manga has to a "satanic hero" figure (despite the fact that his loyalty is to the Church of England!), and to be fair these are always so hard to find in any kind of fiction. Maybe it's his irrepresible and romantic pride in himself, maybe it's the fact that he kills his enemies by turning into some kind of demonic shadows (I believe that's stuck with me for quite some time now), or maybe it's like he himself is darkness, or that even his death is only the final victory. Frankly, I love Alucard as a character.

Lately I sometimes relate him to Georges Bataille's headless god, like a headless god of darkness. I can sort of justify this image in two ways. First is the fact that even just being decapitated doesn't seem to stop him (as one Alexander Anderson would find out), or the fact that, in the other clash with Anderson, it's like Alucard's "head" is almost just a black flame with one eye (which, funny enough, comes after Alucard literally loses his head again).

I'd stop here, but there's something to say about that "satanic" aspect being directly tied to the figure of Dracula himself. Christianity often figured the vampire at large as aligned with Satan as an antithesis of the Christian faith. That's probably why you might find a fixation on vampirism within the modern Left Hand Path now and again (I know it's a terrible example but I know Michael W. Ford liked to milk that theme to death in his older books!). But it's also linked to the figure of Dracula himself, not just because of some sense of transcendent supernatural evil he is supposed to represent, but because his name means "dragon", the animal that Christian symbolism has for centuries linked with the figure of Satan, to the point that in modern Romanian the word "dracul" apparently sometimes means "devil".

Now I know Dracula never really literally looks like a dragon. Which almost has me thinking about how almost anything can be a dragon. Have you ever seen Son of the White Mare? It was a movie directed by Marcell Jankovics, released in 1981. It's based on the Hungarian folk tale Fehérlófia, about a young man, raised by a white mare, who with his two friends goes off to rescue three princesses from three dragons, each one with more heads than the last. But in the movie, even though they are dragons, they don't look like dragons at all. The first dragon looks like a three-headed golem, the second one looks more like a tank that somehow has six faces, and the third and final one looks like a big moving city where twelve buildings have faces of light!

Here's a video of a tribute animation someone made where you can see all three of the dragons as they appeared in the movie:

It's fucking wild. Watching it honestly might have deep down fundamentally changed the way I think about the depiction of dragons in fiction and narrative. Perhaps by this sense Alucard is a "dragon". But then it must be that he is the dragonslayer and the dragon. Is there not a better image of the Sun?

[chloedoesart]

what got you simping so hard for the conductor in the first place.

This reads like you asking me if I am insane, so let me just clear one thing up before we begin: yes. I am.

cracks knuckles okay anon, you asked for it. You get the whole story. I'm not holding back.

It all started when a dear friend of mine began playing this little indie game called A Hat in Time—you may have heard of it—and posting a lot of content from it in our discord server. One of the characters stood out to me, and I quickly learned upon asking her who he was that this character checked all of my boxes.

And by that I mean boxes for kinning, not simping. That comes later.

Even before I knew of AHiT's existence, I was on my way to working in the film industry. One of my goals in my career is to create a western on par with the classic Sergio Leone films. I grew up riding horses and traveling in the wilderness, so westerns are naturally close to my heart.

On top of that, I have been associated with knives, fire, and my general chaotic nature for many years. Birds of prey have been my favourite animals since I was very young, and I grew up in love with trains of all types (Thomas, ridable miniature railways, the Polar Express, etc.). Someone even told me that they thought I was Scottish before they'd heard my voice.

My point is, Conductor was immediately on my blorbo list. Of course this grumpy Scottish bird movie director with a huge knife and a chaotic alignment was going to be my favourite character! How could he not?? I actually ended up buying AHiT for the DBS chapter just because I was so excited to have a film studio represented in a video game.

Well.

Little did I know I would fall for this guy in a different way barely a month later.

I've always had a big ego—cough cough like someone cough you get my point—so it's no surprise that I'd fall in love with one of my kins, aka someone that's just like me. However, what I wasn't expecting was for it to happen so fast and so much. I rarely simp for characters, and when I do, it usually takes me a while to get to that point.

I remember the very first time I got a lil flustered and had that terrible thought of "oh no, do I simp for this guy?" with Conductor. My friend and I had made a little kinnie AU with our sonas as the Hat characters we kinned, and she at one point drew my Conductor sona (which eventually evolved into my current bird sona) with canon Conductor doing a funny Team Rocket pose, for fun! Right?

Wrong. Because what she'd unintentionally done was drawn Conductor and I holding hands. And when I saw that, I thought about how I want to hold his hand and oh gods wait do I like him???

And it was all downhill from there.

It didn't take me long to accept my fate and start pondering all of the ways I liked his character in a new light. My friend's constant support only sped things along, really. What's funny about me is that I sort of grow attracted to a character's traits and personality first, and only months later find the actual physical attraction. I think that has a name, but I don't really like labeling my orientation or fitting myself into a box.

I hope that very long story helped kind of lay the foundation for what my simping has become today, AKA nearly two and a half years of self-insert nonsense and a nearly 433,800 word roleplay.

Maybe you're still wondering why I like him, to which I must respond, so many reasons. That's a whole separate post worth of material. I love his fearlessness, his passion, his tough yet deeply caring nature. I love his detail-oriented brain and his over-confidence in himself. I love how he tries so hard to win, every year, just to maintain his place on top. He values himself and his creations, and I admire that. I want to nerd out with him about movies and trains while we sharpen our knives and drink whiskey. I love how he's old fashioned, like me. And so much more.

If you're curious as to how I think our relationship would line up, I did do this shipping meme last year that is still fairly accurate and fills in a lot more of the details. Really, it all comes down to two nerdy chaotic people who have large knives and way too much confidence.

[oceanic-sunsets]

I know many fandom theorists have talked about the religious imagery in ST, but I haven't seen an analysis on this particular subject. If there is, I would LOVE to read your interpretation, please link me, because it gave me a headache for a while!

I want to talk about this shot:

We know Suzie's house is full of religious pictures and statues, but this particular picture on the wall immediately caught my attention because it aligns with the characters so well. Suzie is in front of Jesus. And everyone else, well. There are two interpretations I can think of.

The first one, the one you immediately would think about if you recognize the painting: Will is in front of Judas.

If you're not familiar with religion, the last supper is a painting that represents Jesus's last meal, which he shared with his apostles before he was betrayed, arrested, and crucified.

Here's a reference:

As someone who grew up in a very catholic family and was taught religion in school, I remember one of the first facts we learned is that Judas betrayed Jesus (He also kisses Jesus's cheek, but that's another story).

There are several interpretations of his betrayal and why he did it, but all we need to know is that if Judas hadn't betrayed Jesus, God's prophecy wouldn't have been fulfilled.

When s4 first came out I wasn't on tumblr, but I was lurking on Twitter, and many people pointed out Will was placed in front of Judas, and there was concern about what this could mean, some even suggesting Will's villain arc or another possession.

But we know Will having a villain arc is not happening, it's the opposite of what his arc is about. He's Henry's foil, he represents good and kindness despite everything that has happened to him.

But you know WHO thinks of himself as some sort of God, and thinks he can just Do and Undo the world as he pleases, as he thinks would be best? Exactly, Henry!

This made me think of of theory #1: Will playing double agent, making Henry think he's on his side, "joining" him, but ultimately betraying him. I haven't thought about the details of how this would work out (especially in the long run) without Henry noticing, but I don't think it would be off the table.

And now another interpretation.

So, yeah, Will is very obviously on the left, and if you see the painting behind them and have some sort of religious knowledge, you know that's where Judas is placed. That's the first thing you'd think of.

However, giving it more thought, you could also interpret it as Will being placed in front of the apostle John. Also, did you know apostle James and John were brothers? have you noticed where James is in the painting? he's on the right, just like Jonathan:)

James was the first apostle to die. He died a martyr. John was the only apostle to risk staying with Jesus when he was crucified, and Jesus asked him to look after his mother when he died. And so he did. After Mary died, it is said that John:

"After Mary’s death John, maybe still learning his trade, spent a lot of time with St Peter, who was the rock on which the church was founded.  According to Scriptures he was with St Peter at the healing of the lame man in the Temple and was also thrown into prison with Peter. He also went with Peter to Samaria and then on missions elsewhere." x

Peter is VERY close next to John in the Last Supper painting, even more so than Judas. Just like Mike is next to Will, to his left.

Take that as you will! I could write theory #2 with that info in mind, but honestly i'd be just rambling because I haven't given that one a lot of thought. I just found it interesting and it might interest some people on here but I'm not saying I 100% believe that's going to happen.

@wibble-wobbegong i hope it's ok to tag u i have seen u talk a lot about religious metaphors/imagery so this might interest you!

[geekgirles]

Personally, I have no problem with Flopin choosing to leave with Madagaskan, other than it sort of feels like they're using their need to build up the family drama that's sure to take place in Waven to excuse not having them assist during the Necro War. Kind of defeats the purpose of Madagaskan keeping taps on his daughters and escaping his prison because he was worried over Eva and the kids if he has no trouble letting them fight wakfu-draining monsters all by themselves, doesn't it?

Also, this might be an unpopular opinion, but I don't find Flopin to be the boring twin. If anything, Élely made season 3 a little hard to watch at times because she was essentially portrayed as always being in the right when she was just acting like a brat. And the fact that she'd been chosen to be the next Iop goddess and Flopin was saddled with murder-happy Toxine meant she was basically given lots of plot armour he didn't have, in a way.

But I'm getting sidetracked. The reason I have no problem with Flopin leaving is because those insecurities of his are valid and realistic! Even though he had his moments when he defeated Toxine, the OVAs and season 3 were all about showcasing how easily overshadowed by his siblings Flopin really is, and all because he wasn't born an Iop.

While Élely not only escaped the Brotherhood's clutches but defeated Poo all on her own and got to fight against many of Oropo's followers, Flopin spent most of the season trapped in the Eniripsa Room. And hadn't it been for Echo, Toxine would have killed him and his mother long before the final confrontation against Oropo.

Not to mention, while Flopin's powers are pretty much standard for any Cra, as he isn't descended from the goddess herself and his father's powers just can't flow through his veins due to a matter of not having the right alignment, Élely already displayed her own powers when she was only five years old. And because that apparently isn't enough to cause an inferiority complex, turns out his unborn baby brother is the most powerful demigod in existence, capable of giving a hard time to a centuries-old, Eliacube-wielding Eliotrope, and a dofus-wielding Eliatrope dragon.

How's that for feelings of inadequacy?

And then Madagaskan came into the picture.

With all that in mind, of course he'd see leaving his family behind to be with his grandfather, who's so much of a badass he can single-handedly defeat gods and demigods despite having no divine powers of his own, as his time to shine! That was his opportunity to make something of himself, away from his relatively more accomplished siblings. Assassin ways aside, Madagaskan represents what Flopin wants out of life. He wants to be able to stand tall and proud and out of his demigod siblings' shadow even if he has no special powers of his own. In a way, Flopin is the Sokka to Élely and Pin's Katara.

So yeah, I'm happy Flopin got this chance, because he honestly deserves to be someone's focus for once. Not to mention, this all seems like it's building up to be the main emotional arc and driving force in the Waven show. And I actually am looking forward to seeing it.

LIVEBLOG: Wakfu Season 4, Episode 7

Grandpa piss, being a part of the Remote Viewers Division doesn't prevent you from being a deadbeat. KILL him Eva.

What were YOU doing at the devil's sacrement, King [insert name here] Sheran-Sharm!

I love women who are tortured for an eternity and then die in some way that will not kill them in a way that matters #signaliscore posts

Man haha I wonder if this might be saying something about Yugo (and Joris, but that goes without saying on this blog)

I have seen people criticize this moment, but let me be the devil's advocate: after seeing years of fans saying that Flopin is the boring twin, or that Eva has no backstory, them getting a problem-causing grandpa is literally so good.

And I think I understand why Flopin did this, since he says himself that he actually feels like the boring twin... I understand why he felt like going with this man, to learn about this guild, and where he comes from.

[starts hacking up blood] you know what other duo of demigods in this franchise had a twin who felt like they were living in the shadow of their sibling and his wonderful white fur—- [is shot by animal control]

I loooove comparing all the characters in this show, because it's genuinely a good way to approach Krosmoz, since Tot likes exporing the same themes (immortality/family) over, and over, and over, and over. And what I can say rn is: man, having normal parents makes jealousy-based plots much more tame. Atcham went in a "I want to be great like you, so I need to end you, you don't care about me like I care about you anyway" direction instead of a "I want to be great like you, so I'm gonna leave and work on myself, and then we can stand side by side someday"

I do think he is going to hurt his sister in some major way with this decision and in the end it will be a bitter, or bittersweet memory <3 I believe in the power of toxicity <3

To elaborate on the thing I said about titles, Astra is the ruling queen (to be precise, she is the daughter of the king of Bonta who was mentioned in seasons 1-2 and OVAs, who seems to have passed away); while her wife is either queen-consort, or a princess-consort.

However, Wakfu kingdoms may have worse, weirder rules than real life about inheritance.

The reason I am not getting my panties in a twist about the same-sex aspect of this (besides me supporting toxic royal yuri + being against homophobia or whatever) is that this is a magical universe, idk. they could adopt or get magically pregnant. It's literally a non-issue for me. UNLIKE PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTANDING THE CONSORT SYSTEM AND—-

Joris is present in all the kingdoms as Yugo's emotional support mediator/ambassador, except for Brakmar. I assume they simply do not let this fucking man into their palace, and rightfully so. He's literally a Bontarian narc. He'd use that chance to steal documents or some shit.

Btw I find it so funny how he keeps the same neutrally haunted look.

If a Bonatrian political leader goes for a week without wanting to start genocide against a people who isn't into the main 12 gods, they start getting the shakes from withdrawal.

I imagine living for hundreds of years and experiencing unimaginable suffering would make one pretty averse to being bossed around by some random guy who was born into wealth and has not known a second of grief in their life.

I feel it is important to point out: Joris was the one who made sure the meeting with Astra happened. He also felt this was important enough to try and organize meetings with other kings and queens. This is a dangerous situation.

As always, absolutely nobody listened. Nobody ever listens.

As I was saying, I imagine living for hundreds of years and experiencing un—-

I think the fact that Joris went with them has to say something about him. Yes, it is probably his sense of responsibility — he doesn't exactly want bad things to happen...

But also it explicitly puts a wedge between him and the Bontarian government. He values Yugo more.

[katsigian]

How about 📚⚡️and ☠️ for Valen?

Thank you for the questions 🤗 from here

📚 Would your OC cheat in an exam?

He has 😅 Back in high school, Valen wasn't the best in chemistry, though he did well in every other subject. It was partially because he skipped quite a few of them to go have a cigarette with his syndicate friends in the student parking lot. That, or meet with his high school crush. Come test time, Valen knew he wasn't going to pass without help, and so he cheated. He did end up passing and he doesn't feel much regret for it.

⚡ What mythological god would you associate with your OC?

Considering Valen's history and general mode of operation, one might think he'd be associated with Ares, the Greek god of war; but Ares actually represents the unsavory side of battle, bloodlust without reason, regret, and tyranny. And Valen does have a strong moral compass, a sense of right and wrong, and does not harm or kill at random. So therefore, he's more closely aligned with Mars, the Roman god of war and close combat, or Týr, the Norse god of war. I particularly like associating him with both Týr and Mars; Týr because he was seen as the bravest of the Norse gods, the one who sacrificed his hand to bind Fenrir (attached to Valen's willingness to sacrifice himself for those he loves) and Mars because he personified the valor and strength needed to win battles, the usage of aggression to bring peace. Mars and Týr were seen as protectors, warriors, and I like that association for Valen; he's greatly skilled in combat and uses that exceptional talent to bring balance, to protect those who need protecting, and to create solutions to issues. He loves the fight and the hunt, enjoys being in battle, but still adheres to morals and valor. He knows he's the weapon, the sword and scales, and finds peace in that, much like Týr and Mars did.

☠ How petty are they? And what length of pettiness would they go for?

Oh, his pettiness knows zero bounds. If he doesn't like somebody, either they've annoyed him in some fashion or they've done something to tick him off repeatedly (and just backhanding them isn't allowed) then he'll find other ways to dig at them. Let's assume he's at a bar and he overhears a guy talking about how he cheated on his partner. Valen knows bare minimum hacking and can get into a civilians' phone easy enough. It wouldn't be that hard for him to find incriminating messages and send them to the guys' partner. Afterwards, he'll go up to him, buy the guy a drink, and congratulate him on his recent breakup before the poor sap even knows what's happened. That's the sort of petty Valen is. If somebody bitches about their coffee order being wrong, when they know damn well the staff is overworked, he'll "bump" into them and knock their coffee out of their hand with the most fake 'Oops' you've ever heard. They don't usually want to tangle with a 6'3" man with a glower that can burn through steel, so it oftentimes works to make them leave. He doesn't often get petty because he likes bringing justice down on some random civilian asshole, he more often does it because he likes being a hellraiser and a troublemaker.

[comfreyhollywings]

hi :) I hope the ask game is still open! I pulled some cards to see what opportunity(/ies) is coming your way and here's what I got: You are about to mature, to be more sure and affirmed in yourself and in your connections with others. There will be good news coming in, and it will open your horizon, figuratively and physically. An opportunity to rest, connect with the Earth, cultivate compassion and creativity, and express yourself more passionately. number 8 might be significant.

" anon from last ask! I ran out of space so I have to cut it short :( sorry about that. I also realize I forgot to put in your blog's impression, not sure why but it feels like a letter but imbued with 90s-00s nostalgia and livejournal . okay thats it of me :) "

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅• hello anon! yes, the ask game is still open for a long time lmao. until you see me close the game, it's still open. as for the reading! god, i'm keeping your word for it anon. obviously since it talks about future opportunities, i'd be really, really grateful for much needed rest and solid confidence in myself and other people. rn.. i think i can really see those opportunities aligning with my energy atm. also!! number 8 in numerology represents a powerhouse of hard work!! i don't see it being like,, an extremely significant number, but i do see it as some sort of confirmation that i'm doing things right lmaoo also!!! those vibes are rlly interesting,,, didn’t really know what liveblogging really was until i went ahead and googled it so ! ! thank you for the input! let's get down to it, shall we? •❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

•╔════◄░░░░░░►════╗•

cards pulled: - 4 of Swords

- King of Wands Rx

- Justice Rx 

back of the deck: 4 of Swords

•╚════◄░░░░░░►════╝ • i feel like whatever opportunities coming your way is.. sort of slowing down right now? like, i get the feel that this is a very crucial time where you need rest and reflection. i can’t tell if there is a figure in your life (or you) that’s extremely ambitious that can have a crueler side to them. when i tried tapping into your energy, i saw in my mind’s eye that you had this really blown up argument with an authority figure - your boss, i think? this argument might have been related to your career, the direction you want to take with it, and the artistic (??? i think it’s artistic?) direction that you want to go with. (*note - jesus christ my throat hurt when i was shuffling the deck so i get the feeling that your throat becomes raw with how much you yell around this figure). somehow, i feel like your boss might had this ego clash that causes him to be extremely cruel and manipulative around you. he’s (or she? i go for he because this figure has an extremely masculine energy almost to a fault) someone who.. i can see, resorts to tactics that is cruel and unfair if he doesn’t get his way. like he’d honestly,,, throw someone under the buss if it meant saving his own ass/ego/projects. but at the end of the day, i think you’re going to take the time to withdraw from this draining boss and reflect, meditate, and rest to recuperate your energy. inevitably, i do see you coming out on top to pursue your goals anyway regardless of what this authority figure says. 

this is extremely interesting energy because i feel like you naturally have shit pulled together? like things with you are neat and well collected until the very end. that’s when shit can kinda spiral for you there, so you’re being encouraged to literally chill tf down and rest from this insanely draining energy. 

i hope this helps, anon! don’t forget to give feedback! 

[elizabethrobertajones]

Whats your take on Cas' arc this season? Cause i don't get it..IMO 1st half was very strong w/ his continued arc about belonging, bonding with Mary etc. But then what happened? Why did his story change to be about religious faith, destiny wanting a world without free will ruled by a supernatural being, why is this this story now when that was relevant for years i mean, we had his FATHER/GOD last season then there was nothing on this theme cause its not his current story so what is this now

I don’t think his overall arc has changed from what it has always been about. He’s always been caught in a balance between Heaven and the Winchesters but “Heaven” is quite an abstract concept for Cas after a while. 

I watched 10x18 last night, and lemme be awful and quote Metatron to start off :P

CASTIELWhat we did back there was unfortunate. No more of our brothers and sisters should die.

METATRONBrothers and sisters? Listen to you. Still spitting out the company line like anyone cares. Like we’re actually a family? When what we really are – are a bunch of glowing lights filled with self-loathing or delusions of grandeur. Or both.

CASTIELYou shut up!

METATRONNo! If I’m gonna die, I want answers. Like, who are you now? Like, you’re obviously not an angel of the Lord. And what about all of this walking the earth like Caine from “Kung Fu” crap? Cleaning up Heaven’s messes. How many more rogue angels are there out there? And, what are you gonna do once you’re done with all that? Go back to Heaven? Please. The angel formerly known as Hannah has restored order up top. Smoothest it’s run since God cut the ribbon on the pearly gates. So tell me, Castiel, truly, what is your mission now?

CASTIELYou shut up and keep looking. [Castiel walks away.]

Essentially, Cas has still been stuck here since 10x07 and Jack’s disrupted him majorly for the first time, but let’s backtrack…

So in season 4, Cas’s conflict is between Heaven and doing what’s he’s told, and listening to Dean and doing what he thinks is right. This conflict is introduced early on with 4x07, where Cas is supposed to follow Dean’s orders by order of Heaven, and Uriel is like fuck that I wanna smite this town just because, but Cas won’t let him. Cas’s conflict with orders turns to be hunted and in the end reprogrammed because he won’t do what he’s supposed to without coercion, showing us that orders (and Heaven) are bad and Cas wanting free will and to do the right thing and align with Dean is right. He does this at the end as his big damn hero moment.

In season 5, Cas’s conflict is more abstract. He wants to go fetch God as a replacement for the vague orders from Heaven which he no longer trusts, and basically the ultimate deferring to a higher power. Dean warily gives him the amulet to start his search, but the end of the search basically results in God telling Cas to naff off and think for himself. Rebuffed from having anyone to take orders from, Cas sulks around the Winchesters for the rest of the season, his faith in everything up to and including Dean shattered. He rebuilds this faith after Dean doesn’t say yes to Michael, and once again follows him to doing the right thing at the end. This whole conflict is overtly about Peace vs Freedom and Cas loses faith in Dean when he picks “Peace” and regains his loyalty to him when he picks “Freedom” - this is how Cas ends the season, pointing out Dean got what he wanted.

In season 6, Cas IS this higher power/Heaven/God/where the orders come from, but he steps into this role because he believes God appointed him the new sheriff in town. Raphael represents the old order/Heaven and wants to be God too. Cas struggles with this power, and maintaining Freedom, and appeals to God at the end when it’s all unravelling into the chaos that Freedom inevitably brings, and his downfall is played as because he doesn’t align with Dean and attempts to be the new order.

In the start of season 7 he acts as God, the higher power order, and eventually basically self-implodes from trying to maintain that. His high-minded ideals to force a sort of peace and happiness on the world are undermined from within by the leviathan, a dark chaotic presence. At the end of the season he falls into denial and running away from his issues, and he and Dean struggle to reconcile, as the main arc which allows the defeating of the leviathan. Heaven barely plays a role but they’re horrified by what he did/became if we take Hester as a representative of how the angels feel in general at their worst opinion of Cas, and he is nostalgically fond of them but doesn’t want anything to do with them and their attempts to restore order.

In season 8 Naomi once again brainwashes him onto their side, using that to get his cooperation to restore order and empower Heaven (and in general I assume she’s been using these tactics to overhaul and repair what she can) and it goes about as well for them as in season 4, when Cas goes chaotic on them, answering to the higher power of the tablet, aka directly from God, before Metatron derails him on the guilt trip to fix Heaven, which is a personal arc for Cas and the remains of his obligation to be an angel/work for Heaven. Once again Dean’s got the sense something is up with Cas all season, and though sometimes misguided about confronting him (grr 8x22) calls him out pretty consistently and generally represents the main character always right about everything pull he’s always done for Cas - Cas’s conflict is finally more obvious about being between Heaven and Dean because even after the crypt scene, he runs away serving the tablet and then is off on his mission with Metatron, giving Dean whiplash on what he’s doing which isn’t just being chill and like 8x08 Cas. (For the most part - 8x08 does have the one private conversation between them reveal Cas’s massive guilt). Edlund hands us back Cas at the end of 8x21 with for the first time since the end of season 6 and lasting until the end of season 12, an un-tampered-with sense of self to have character development and grow and change, in time for him to have things happen like becoming human to REALLY kick off Cas’s self-exploration and personal conflict.

Season 9 manages the conflict more cleanly - Cas is suuuuper guilty about the fall, so his motives are quite plain now. He has to sort out Heaven, struggles with not wanting to be a leader, but the angels all seeing him as a great war hero or important figure or despised but powerful and dangerous enemy, and Cas’s conflict is now getting laid out on screen - human or angel, leader or not… Obligation to repair Heaven and help the angels and his family is a strong motivator, and he does as much as he can for them until it crumbles at the end, and he ends up on a personal mission to save Dean which just follows in the PATH of his angel mission (e.g. he still has to go to Heaven and confront Metatron, but now it’s not because he’s doing it to overthrow him, he’s doing it to help Dean). Cas also is rejected from both angel and human families because of Gadreel asking Cas to leave, and so feeling rejected by Dean, the card is played that Cas falls back on trying to help the angels FIRST and losing out, leaving the Dean card un-played. There’s no peace or freedom imagery really, as it’s all a mad scrabble to sort Heaven out and the angels aren’t paying a great deal of attention to humans and their place in the natural order.

When we get to season 10, it’s a bit more reflective. Cas’s mission with Hannah is now interrupted with trying to save Dean, and there’s finally the reflection on what angels DO and what they’re FOR. Hannah goes back to heaven to preach the original mission, and Cas goes to help Claire after several threads combine to finally get him to remember and care about her. Hannah’s decision emphasises allowing humans free will by not possessing them, and respecting that and leaving them well alone and Heaven begins seriously withdrawing from the narrative. Heaven = meddling with free will, and historically has always wanted peace over freedom, enforcing mind control on it subjects (killing Naomi off, who’d “been in all our heads” was also a start of the angels in general having free will without any compromise so of course they freak out in season 9 :P) Cas is then on two complementary arcs of PERSONAL self-discovery, helping Claire (humanity, freedom, Cas’s guilt focused on a human instead of Heaven) and Dean (Cas’s faith and loyalty and family). He also takes a break to do a me-time episode which is 10x18 where Metatron lays down this challenge about who Cas is, pointing out in case the average viewer didn’t spot it, that Cas is really struggling to have a mission now, because he ALWAYS needs a mission. Being on call to help Sam with Dean or Claire with anything, splits his attention (10x10) but he’s determined to do his best for them (I love him so much). His conflict early in the season was where he wanted to be and what he wanted to be doing, Heaven or Earth, but Heaven tactically retreating (symbolically shown with Hannah, just in general narratively by playing no serious part in the story) but that choice is somewhat made for him by Heaven leaving and Hannah leaving him in the lurch to take Caroline home to her husband, and Cas picking up Earth-based quests to care for important humans. 

His personal story trickles out in season 10 after 10x20 does nice things for the Claire arc and his personal resolution there that he completes his mission in a sense… He spends the rest of the season helping Dean with just a bummer scene in 10x22 to enforce this is the lowest point and he’s being rejected AGAIN from being with Dean, and I would say Rowena’s curse really doesn’t count as interrupting his personhood because in season 11 when he’s not violently attacking, he has a crystal clear sense of who he is, so his conversations with Hannah and the angels in 11x02 and Dean and Sam in 11x03 are still from Cas, just with Rowena’s curse on top. In season 11 they play delay tactics - Cas’s depression is personal and to do with how hurt he’s been in general by everyone, he resolves personal crap with Metatron in 11x06 via punching him so more but doesn’t really have any more answers about who he wants to be and the choices he’s made, and in 11x10 his desire to help and need for a win lead to him being possessed, abruptly ending his role in the season as an active player and therefore giving him no real personal arc to struggle against.

Meanwhile God comes back and Lucifer in Cas gets to swing against the ultimate higher powers. There’s a sense that God can’t intervene because he’s a walking deus ex machina and takes away free will because as the Creator-author, intervening automatically is defining the story… He’s not a powerful ally, it’s literally his whim by which there is and isn’t free will… He told Cas to naff off in 5x16 because if he came to help, it’s no personal victory at all for his creations. (PS: obviously Chuck’s approach is terrible in many ways and the hands off parenting approach is directly paralleled to John, so… Not approving here lol) Amara represents obliteration of the Self, which she offers to Dean and accidentally nearly does to the universe. She treats this as a peace she can offer Dean, so Cas themes are playing out with the other characters and the universe is being re-shuffled a bit. Cas having no freedom turns into Cas being in a “peace” inside his head, watching TV and wanting no part of the fight. He chooses the same thing that in 5x18 he rejected Dean and withdrew his faith and loyalty for - possession by an archangel for the greater good. Yet another lowest point, and yet in 11x23 Dean doesn’t reject Cas for doing it, but says nice things about respecting his decisions etc. Dean firmly establishes that Cas is family to him, leaving it for Cas to accept. And these paragraphs are getting waaay too long as this becomes more relevant, sorry >.>

In season 12, Cas starts off struggling with being accepted into the family. It’s all right there for him to take, but the belonging arc mirrored with Mary, shows he still feels distant from being a part of the family, and that despite Dean’s words, he hasn’t quite had the acceptance he needs, despite all the rejection between him and Heaven one way and the other, and since season 9 his increased dislike and obligation and duty to help them, and their interest in him and activeness in the story dribbling to a stop. Dean has also seemed to reject him, but Cas has never turned away from HIM except reluctantly or being coerced somehow or because he was severely emotionally compromised with guilt or blackmail. When it comes to genuine choices like 8x17 or 9x22 he picks them, but when ASKED about it, can never answer and is interrupted or walks off every time. In this season’s case he has a similar guilt-obligation to season 8, 9, and the first half of 10, about letting Lucifer out, and so he goes to deal with that. Dealing with it leads directly to Sam and Dean being imprisoned, and an abrupt swap to Cas dealing with the family side of things - the obligation Cas feels is no longer strictly between HEAVEN and the Winchesters, but OBLIGATION and GUILT and the Winchesters, his past actions still causing a heaven-level mytharc nonsense but not really being about Heaven wanting him back or him really wanting to be with Heaven. He cuts those ties almost every time he’s confronted. 

So in a way let’s say his distraction to deal with Lucifer leads to Sam and Dean getting locked up and making the deal. He overcompensates to save them, and is thrust into a series of episodes dealing with his position in the family, where he finally gets to see Dean choosing him, and gets to tell them he loves them, and that he truly does consider them a family. In a way he now seems to have achieved something that’s been teased since maybe as far back as season 8 - 8x08 he wanted to join the family business - but definitely became a main conflict for Cas in season 9 (and I think season 12 picked up a LOT of dropped arcs that disappeared with the plot accordion of season 9, Mark of Cain onwards) 

But he still has the guilt-obligation to the Lucifer stuff and even knowing Lucifer is banished safely to the cage, the nephilim is an ongoing part of things Cas is responsible for, and so represents the same place in the narrative as other times Cas has been off doing Heaven things - obligation that takes him away from the family. In 12x19 we literally see that obligation laid out (Cas’s issue going back to 6x20 that he considers himself a guardian angel to the Winchesters, and though he says he’s not doing ANYTHING for Heaven and voices stuff that firmly suggests cut ties emotionally, from Cas’s side, which is HUGE, he will work with them in order to protect the Winchesters - so they don’t have to get involved. Same deal as season 6 - peace or freedom? He picks peace, by going behind the Winchesters’ backs and giving them no choice to help him, shouldering the burden like he’ll be going around behind their backs saving them as necessary, instead of integrating into the family and taking their problems as they come, which is what Dean does all episode. He’s lost the ability to wrangle Cas with loyalty and faith because their relationship is more equal and Cas hasn’t got all his faith invested in Dean, but having this hole in him that faith belongs to is a huge weakness/design flaw in angels, that they need it and go off the rails without it (see also: most angels we encounter after season 5 :P), so Jack, who he ALREADY has an obligation from guilt to deal with, derails Cas yet again BACK onto the obligation train to take him away from the Winchesters, this time using his faith AND his guardian angel need to protect and care for people traits to win over Cas’s absolute loyalty. And to do so, he shows Cas a vision of the Future which is essentially the same wording as the descriptions of paradise the angels fought for and Cas fought against, rejected Dean for accepting, fought again the next year, etc, so Cas’s new lowest point from 11x18 of a PERSONAL surrender to peace over freedom, is an external surrendering to peace over freedom. 

Essentially, 12x19 is fiendishly clever in twisting together every last thing that has defined Cas’s arcs, and mixing them all together. In the first third of the season we see Cas struggle and seemingly overcome one, in the second we see him struggle and seemingly overcome the next, and in the third part because he never truly balanced them, still picked obligation and missions that take him away from home and he’s shouldering a burden to resolve out of guilt that he caused it, or hesitance to join the family unit entirely but carried on treating them as if he was their guardian angel not their close family, these two things plus some other unresolved baggage ALL tie together and pile onto Cas. 

I don’t think it’s really all over the place when the season first established one, then the other, and then used them both to seriously affect Cas’s actions. I don’t think they’ve ever been telling different stories about him, just highlighting different aspects. When he was running off to hunt Lucifer with Crowley, the family stuff still hung around in the background. And when he was dealing with family stuff, he was still hunting the nephilim in the background. And when he was dealing with Heaven it wasn’t because he was mending ties with Heaven, he was protecting his family while dealing with his guilt-caused obligation to the nephilim while exploiting yet rejecting his complicated relationship with Heaven, and it all culminated in him failing a will save against the peace or freedom line that has been the main way to brainwash or control or derail Cas in many instances from Naomi’s forced programming to whatever the tablets did to him, to times like 8x23 where he runs off to fix heaven of his own free will but abandoning Dean in the process, or 10x03 where he walks out on Dean entirely because he’s weighed down with guilt and his fear of belonging. (And it gets more complicated and less epic and black and white each time.)

So, tl;dr I think these are ALL parts of who Cas is and what his conflict is, ALL THE TIME, and have been all the way through - some parts wane while others are waxing depending on the season, but in general they’re still pulling from the same source of character stuff, only with years and years and years of personal development and narrowing down Cas’s choices and trying to point him to what would make him happy and shave off the obligations bit by bit, so that he’s free to choose. And now he keeps ending up in the darkest place, but 12x19 and 12x23 were like a perfect storm of all the WORST bits of Cas’s arc, except that he wasn’t choosing to be an angel, and he did care for his family, just too abstract. And at the end, he died as an angel in a way. I don’t know how he’ll come back but I’m expecting it will not be magically poofing back graced up and a sort of ~regular~ Cas we haven’t seen since season 8, or wingless since 10x18. 

(And of course Metatron was asking that in the context of where Cas gets his grace back and is no longer living day to day about to die but again like at the end of 8x21, is confronted with full freedom and a life to live and choose what to do with it. His response is to go back to the bunker and eat pizza with his family, but that only lasts a day >.> Anyway I assume that’s a moment that’s going to be important when Cas comes back because these choices he’s been looping around were all set out for him more immediately and obviously than ever and all at once as well, so… I think it all works. Since season 9 it’s all essentially been these same challenges to Cas over and over, while Cas does various things that make you yell at the screen that no Cas that’s not what you want, or yelling encouragement that he’s maaaaybe nearly worked it out and is getting so much closer to what he wants. Sort of a game of hot or cold, or something… >.> And when it seems like he’s nearly found it, he veers back into cold territory…)

[symbianosgames]

Arkane Studios' Raphael Colantonio is probably best known among developers today for his work on Dishonored with fellow co-creative director Harvey Smith. 

But by the time Dishonored shipped in 2012 Colantonio had already been working at Arkane for over a decade, leading development of games like Arx Fatalis and Dark Messiah of Might & Magic. 

These games, made back before the French studio was acquired by Bethesda parent company ZeniMax and expanded with a sister studio in Austin, failed to achieve high-profile commercial success -- to this day, Colantonio is quick to acknowledge Arx was "full of bugs."

What they did achieve, though, was attracting communities of players passionate about the games' mechanics and systems-driven design.

As Colantonio now prepares to ship Arkane's latest project, Prey, Gamasutra sat down with him to briefly chat about the projects he's shaped over the years, and how they've in turn shaped his approach to making games. 

So you gave a presentation at the 2006 Montreal Game Summit -- this was ages ago -- and you talked about your experience building a small indie studio in a world of big-budget game companies.

Colantonio: Yeah, with Gamasutra, actually.

So it's been over a decade since then. Arkane is pretty big now, and split across continents. How does it feel?

  "We seem disorganized and like we don't know what we're doing, but I think it's part of a process and I really think that it's something that we now embrace and accept."

Feels like a different life. Well, it feels yet so far, and at the same time so recent. It's funny how time works in people's head; in many ways we still feel like this little unknown company that just started a few years ago. Even now, like people say, "So what are you working on?"

"Oh, Dishonored."

"Oh, yeah, I played that game!"

"Yeah, sure." That's how I feel. You're just saying that to be polite, you know?

But yeah, it took a while, but it's great. It shows that with determination and believing in what you do, eventually it works out.

How has the working environment changed? I think fellow devs would be curious to know what it was like, going from one studio to two, each with their own separate projects.

I think it works out for us because it was such a slow incremental process. It took us seventeen years to go from one game - one studio, to two games - two studios.

So it's been a very very meticulous adding one piece at a time. You look at how many people we add a year, it's really not much. So at the end now it's very different even though it felt natural, because Dishonored was made between Lyon and Austin; that was probably the weirdest move for us.

I can't remember exactly how many people we had in Austin and how many we had in Lyon, but it was like two teams -- slightly bigger in Lyon. That was a real weird move and then after that, once we were done just adding people on both ends started to almost feel like you were managing two different studios at that point.

But we're still sharing the same DNA for game design; it's like the cousin that went to a different country and evolved their own way. Because you can still recognize the styles in both games, right? In Dishonored 2 and Prey, even though they're not the same team behind it.

Do you miss having that small studio focus?

Sure, yeah. It's different; when you're ten in the same room and just yell across the room because you need some file or whatever, it's not the same thing as when you have to input it in some software that goes into a list of tasks that maybe one day will be read by someone on the other side of the building.

So I do miss it, but I think we still manage to maintain the same culture and passion because we -- I think we have a very strong culture and we know why we're doing what we do, so we hire people that embrace the same values and they hire people with the same passions. So if you ask anyone at Arcane, most of them know why they're doing what they're doing, even though it's a pretty big team now.

Do you have any specific techniques or processes that you put in place to maintain that sort of culture? 

Yeah, I can think of two things -- well three things. One, recruiting is very, very important. We are very, very picky.

I think the second thing is, we have a few values that are important to us. One of them is player choice, for example. So for each game that we do, Dishonored was the same and it's the same now with Prey, we have some little posters that we place everywhere in the office with the name of those values and an example and why it's important to us. Like mantras, almost. Then people wherever they go for a break or lunch or something they see this thing on the wall that would say "multi-solutions" or--

Motivational posters.

Yeah, motivational posters. That's two, and three I would say the leads, who you choose to represent what you want for the team and the game, making sure that they are really in alignment with you and they will perpetrate that culture.

Sure. I know some team leaders who do things like regular team lunches or dinners to help build studio cultures they can rely upon. But that's usually with teams of like ten or twelve people. If you have thirty or forty in your studio...

Yeah, you can't. And funnily enough we've never been so much into those things at Arkane. Like you know there are those big corporate companies that take everybody to Disney World or something. We're just, everybody does what they want to do. Some actually gather together because they want to play some RPG -- you know, Role-Playing --

Tabletop games, yeah.

But this is nothing we enforce. It's strange, we don't do the lunches and all this stuff.

Ahh, everybody's different. Do you yourself ever play tabletop role-playing games?

Not anymore. I used to play Cthulhu, actually, more than Dungeons and Dragons.

You played Call of Cthulhu?

Uh-huh, yeah.

I'm impressed. That's a rough game to play; everybody loses at the end.

Yeah, exactly. Maybe that's why I like it. The tensions between wanting to progress and not wanting to progress because you know that you are a cooler character now, but you're sooner to die.

Playing those games, did that inform your approach to videogame development at all? The way you run teams or the way you design levels or anything like that?

Probably, yeah. Yes, because, in fact, even to this day, if I design a piece of level because I want to highlight a situation that is important to me, I will actually use -- how do you say?

Graph paper.

Yeah, I will still use that with the same kind of iconography that you do on the Dungeon and Dragons.

I think that stuff's fascinating, but before we fall down that rabbit hole I should ask: now that you're wrapping up work on Prey, what have you learned from it that you'll take forward to other projects?

In the specific case of Prey? There's many lessons...on the positive side, I do think that it's really confirmed our approach to multilayered system development where we just develop a system out of context, just with the tools, and we drop it in the simulation and let it live and see what happens. Usually it spawns new ideas.

So you have an AI, for example, that you did not have before and you just give it a few rules and as it's in the game and starts to interact with the rest of the simulation and something weird happens. It pushes objects, for example -- you never thought of that. And because of that it creates some new gameplay, some new opportunities.

So we rely a lot on that and it's actually a really cool way to make games because it falls back to player expectations, I think, in the way that when these things happen, "Oh, you know what? Since this thing happens maybe we should support it and actually do this, this this." As opposed to having some sort of plan from the get-go and then just follow the plan.

So I think that's a technique that...we seem disorganized and like we don't know what we're doing, but I think it's part of a process and I really think that it's something that we now embrace and accept as mythology for us.

Yeah, like the Mimic enemies early on in Prey -- Is that an example of a thing you tested, a creature that can crawl and hide and transform into objects? Where did that even come from?

Initially, it was just we thought it would be cool to have a creature that actually turned into things to hide because we have full ecology for our aliens and how they work and each of them have a role. So the role of the Mimic was to be a scout: it scouts around to gather energy, hides, turns into things. Turning into things came as a later idea. Like, "It hides." 

"Okay, how does it hide?"

"Well, you know it goes into corners and it waits for you to show up and jumps you."

Okay, that's a cool idea. Then someone had an idea, I don't remember who. "What if it turned into objects? If it actually picked an object in that room and turned into the object?"

"Oh wow, that's awesome." So we did that. Then that led to another thing because as we were developing this game we also started to think, "How are we going to acquire the powers?"

"Well, what would be really awesome would be if you could steal the powers from the enemies." So we started down that route of, "You can steal this or that." And sometime in a meeting we said, "Hey, hold on. If we can steal the powers, really we should be able to turn into objects as well."

As we said that, half of the room was terrified by the idea because it means, "Oh god, this is going to be -- maybe ridiculous, maybe silly, maybe super-hard to implement," because now you are a small thing in the world and...how are the physics going to handle that? The other half was super-excited about that and people started to laugh about it. So that's what I mean by the game designed itself.

It's like a painting where you know where you're going more or less, but not exactly, and as you're painting and you realize that the blue of the sky over there should actually reflect on that corner over there. And so at the end the painting becomes really defined as you go.

So how do you balance the needs of that creative process with the demands of operating a business?

I think if you look at the leader, you will know what is the culture of the company. In our case it started with game design, game designers, so our very first game [Arx Fatalis] is very game design-oriented. Not very technological. It crashes all the time, is not very production-ready and full of bugs.

I remember thinking it was very neat, though, with stuff like the gesture commands for casting spells.

Right, right. It's neat, but it was not very marketable. It was not ready for the market, and I think as we grew we started to accept other disciplines a little better. So now I think we've reached a balance where we have strong production, strong art, strong tech, while at the same time still maintaining the strong design.

I still think design will always win at the end of the day if there's a conflict between, "Should this game be polished or should it be designed?" I'll still push for the fun thing, rather than the polish. And maybe it's a mistake. It did bite me in the ass a few times, but at some point as you grow you have to...well, now we are also part of Bethesda. So there's a lot of money involved in these games. We cannot just make games in a vacuum and not care about it. So I had to give more and more power to production and et cetera. But unfortunately for everyone I am also the president of the company, so.....

It's tricky. It means that I will always have a personal push for creativity over any of the other disciplines. But I also try to be mindful about it and not run the company against the wall.

I think a lot of devs face the same problem. I should ask also, I notice it's not the same engine as Dishonored 2. You went with CryEngine, right?

Yeah.

Why choose to go with someone else's engine rather than something you build yourself?

Because in fact, when you look back to when we started Dishonored 2, which was a little before we started Prey, actually, we were faced with a few challenges. In the case of Dishonored, our biggest challenge was to make the technology work. Because we knew what game we were going to do, but we did not have an engine for it. Back then the CryTek engine was not ready.

So we said, okay, this is our try is going to be to make our own engine. Because we know what the game is and and we have to make a new team. So that was enough challenge already.

And then you look at Prey, we were not wanting to add some more burden on the Dishonored 2 team because Dishonored 2, we had to to make our own engine there. Now with the same engine if you have to make two games, that would be multiplying the challenges. So [for Prey], the challenge was more like, let's take an engine that we know exists and is solid that we have and tackle a new challenge which is inventing a game.

It's essentially a new type of game, even though it's Prey, it's still a new IP in a way. So it's just risk management, and choosing the right thing. So, you know I was saying your company culture informs how you work, like in my case it's all creative, but at the same time, in this case it was a lot of production calls. We have to be logical.

Yeah, but I do think it's surprising you'd want to avoid having everyone working on the same tech. Whereas I feel an organization like EA, which is obviously much bigger, they're making an effort to bring all of their stuff into one engine.

Yeah, I'm not sure why because it's only a million dollars for those -- It's nothing secret here. The cost of an engine is about a million dollars. Any engine that you can buy and I honestly can't remember how much we payed on the case of CryTek, but it doesn't justify -- It's not a big win to say, "Well, we're going to unify all our games onto one engine." It seems more risky and more of a constraint for teams.

In fact, the entire Bethesda organization, everytime we try starting a game, they never care. They always ask us, "What engine do you want to use?" It doesn't matter if we want to use our engine, some new engine. It's a cost. If you make your own engine it's going to cost you something. If you buy one it's going to cost you something. There is a cost -- I can understand why some people want to unify everything because this way they can have their teams that know how to use their tools. Once you know the production pipeline of an engine you can reuse that for every time. So there is some sort of a save.

But at the end of the day there are so many constraints as well to use -- I know a publisher that now went under who were obsessed with using the unified engine across all their teams all their studios all over the world. It drove them to their death, because it's more constraint on the developers than there is any benefit.

I honestly think it's an ideology and it's a political idea that sounds beautiful. "Well, we'll put our efforts combined into one thing. Then we can share technology between studios." It sounds beautiful, but it never works.

So let's talk about beauty, for a sec. What is one thing you hope fellow game developers see in this game? Is there a certain level, or a mechanic, or a little production trick you did somewhere?

Well, your question has multiple facets to it. One could be, "What is it that they will praise us for?" The other one would be, "What there is that hopefully will inspire them?" So the inspiring thing -- As a player, I want to play more games that are real-life simulations and let me play the way I want and give me an experience that I feel I own, as opposed to something very directed. There are some games that do that, but there's also a lot of games that go somewhere else.

So I want to see more and more games that allow me -- Because that's the difference between a movie and a game, I think. So the more games that are simulations, the more fun it is to me. So I hope some future generations are going to go deeper in that genre.

As far as the thing I hope people recognize, I think it's the complexity of making a new world. Everything is designed in this world. The chairs, the tables, everything is designed -- The fashion. So I'm sure the artists and storytellers will have a chance to appreciate the amount of work that was put into the researching the background of the world and how it works.

Yeah, you had the idea for this long before you decided to use the Prey name, right? Do you remember any of the names you were originally going to use?

There were many and I think one of them was after the name of the alien race themselves, which is the "Typhon." So then we started to think, "Hold on, people aren't going to know if it's with an i, a y, is it ph, is it f?" So at the end of the day Prey was actually a pretty solid name.

Yeah, it's easy to spell, short. So if you had to give one piece of advice to fellow game developers, given your time in the industry, what would you say now?

You know, I think we're at a fascinating phase because there's way many more propositions than there ever was before. Now you can play mobile, different types of formats of games, like the indie games for $20 or the AAA for more. I think it's a great time to succeed. Better than when there was only one channel.

Now, there's more noise as well so it's hard to get through this noise. And also the other thing that I notice is that people give less importance to how amazing is your graphics. That I think is a great, great opportunity for developers to focus on their message, whether it's artistic message or gameplay message, rather than the form so much. Because we've been so blinded by trying to get the latest technology, the latest shader, the latest detail that costs a fortune. It's a big distraction from what really matters in the game. So I hope people focus on the art intentions and the gameplay intentions more than the technology, and how amazing the graphics are.

[alephskoteinos]

I have a Shin Megami Tensei plot idea that would broaden the scope of the Law alignment in which Law becomes a sort of perennialist thing at least in the sense that it is once again not exclusive defined by YHVH and the angels. The catch, though, is that in this scenario, YHVH might already have been defeated some time ago.

In SMT IV: Apocalypse (yeah I know) there's the Divine Powers who are meant to represent an alliance of polytheistic gods who fight the angels on the one side and Lucifer and his demons on the other. But how about, instead of that, you could call the group something else, have a slightly different arrangement of Law-aligned deities, and have it so that all of them and YHVH are all aspects of or linked to The Great Will, and all of them are to some degree interested in the dispensation of the universe. They, YHVH, and the angels are all on the same side in this regard, and they all clearly oppose Lucifer and the forces of Chaos, but at the same time the other Law deities don't like or got sick of YHVH because he, in asserting himself as the one true god, was always trying to box out the other gods of Law. With YHVH defeated, the Lawful "Divine Powers" regroup and gather their strength to achieve what they believe is the design of the Great Will (and which YHVH was also meant to do), to enact the dispensation of the universe and/or perhaps enact their own utopian society not unlike the Thousand Year Kingdom (let's face it: it just wouldn't be Law if that wasn't the endgoal).

They'd probably manage to convince some, but not all, of the angels to fight with them on the grounds that YHVH and they were all avatars of the Great Will, and that the angels rightfully serve the Great Will as much as YHVH. Gabriel, if SMT 2 is anything to go by, might be inclined to accept that argument. On the one hand you might say why would any of the angels work with other gods like Vishnu or Zeus, but in the original SMT they absolutely did because they were literally on the same side (you literally see Vishnu in a Messian Cathedral in the original SMT!). On the other hand, angels like Mastema would be harder to pan out, and for some reason I imagine Mastema being part of the camp of angels that ultimately opposes this collaboration.