#because we think it's important to reflect so we can grow. I'm kind of rambling at this point hahaha

[petrichorvoices]

It's getting easier to be an adult, and I'm glad for it, considering we're 20 at this point. We still see ourself sometimes as an unprepared kid but there's other times where we're able to actually see ourself as a responsible, capable adult. It feels weird to look back at who we were and what we did as a teenager, even though we're only 20, and to see just how different we were

[gomzdrawfr]

Gomz rambles about something again so feel free to scroll pass :]

Recently had a video recommended to me on youtube and gave it a watch: how you play games is how you do everything so I wanted to give some thoughts after watching it

for starters, the video was pretty simple and straightforward and easy to watch, it got me thinking how true that statement is and I started reflecting a bit.

I rarely play games any more, simply because sometimes I couldn't bring in the time and commitment to games like I used to be, or that it feels like I'm completing tasks instead of enjoying the game (kind of what the original author felt)

That applies to some games I've played in the past, Minecraft, Valorant, Dont starve - when I play a game, I clock tf in LMAO I just tend to focus so much on it that everything else didn't matter. I guess irl this applies to me too, whenever I want to do something I make sure to put in 110% into it, very meticulous with completion and deadlines and ensuring the work I do are good quality, I spend time on researching every single questions or queries I have and yeah just, being into something. Though lately, I've dialled down a bit and take it easy (bcuz stress isn't fun)

Honestly, in another aspect, say Minecraft again, I used to be very active in a community, being the lead builder and just pumping out ideas and making builds after builds while still having fun, I loved brainstorming idea and vomit it out in blocks, being able to use part of my interest that are less relevant in my studies to something else, you know? but ever since the said community grew larger, I got overwhelmed and stepped away from the people. They're great friends, really, but sometimes it's a lot when a friend circle grows.

Reflecting this to irl, I tend to work in smaller groups and have a close-knit of friends instead of many friends. Better yet, working alone or just with another one person. It's easier to focus and manage things. Another takeaway would be, I guess, is the way I tend to walk away when things gets more than what I like, or can handle.

I used to be part of a group of friends online too, I liked what we had going, we were silly we were honi (lol) and things were more light-hearted. But as more and more people join, I started feeling overwhelm or a sense of disconnect. There's a lot going on, like a bouncing ball started yeeting against each surfaces at lighting speed and I can barely catch the ball kind of feeling.

I wouldn't say it's entirely their fault, it's mostly myself, which is more comfortable in controlled or slower pace(despite being hyper as well- brainrot goes brrrr). I guess what sucks the most is also watching a friend who liked hanging with another person that you don't really vibe with can be uh something(idk what or how to describe it, it's not jealousy either). The main issue is always around the aspect that I like person A, B, C and F, but not the rest of the bunch. Yes, I could bring it up, talk to them about it, and then highly possibly creating drama and beef with that process (relationships are so fragile). Knowing the people I was dealing with, I decided to just leave quietly (which, to no one's surprised, caused drama itself too - sigh)

I do miss them sometimes, the people I like talking to and be friends with, some of us kept the connection, some burn the bridge for good, some remains a mystery.

That brings me to another aspect in decision-making games, where I tend to walk the passive, most diplomatic route ever to finish the game. Well because irl I hate dealing with conflicts XD I also lean towards neutrality most of the time, unless it's something important then only I pick a side strongly. Using persuasion, communications and understanding, compromising and delegation to let a project or anything really(like relationship) run smoothly. Some of this cost my sanity, patiences and often, gaining less from the agreement lol

I stopped caring more than I do, I stopped trying to please everyone in the room after going through some stuff, and I learn to let go a lot of things because of those experiences, which for now feels like a good experience for me (Literally my page motto is my life motto, it is what it is)

This also made me think, that I am a person who likes to stay the same, more often than I'd like to admit. I mean this by saying like for example, no matter how many times I play Stardew Valley, I will follow a similar route. If irl, the mix rice shop I visit for almost 4 years now? I'll pick the same veggie and meat choices everytime I go there. I find comfort in repetition, I like following the same pattern, I enjoy being safe in a known routine.

If i want to ramble about this, I do like to change sometimes, explore different options, pick a different route etc. But, only if I finished the "foundation" first(both in game and irl)

So for example, stardew valley right? I tend to go min max route, getting my greenhouse and my plants, relationship, all those jazz to maximum first before I actually try something else. What's funny is the something else can be as small as picking a different spot to fish, wearing a different hat, try defeating the dungeon without espresso(that was awful) or romance other people(I still love Harvey more than anyone, sorry Sebastian, I do love the frog though)

Same with Minecraft, Im a builder yes, but I also grind a hell lot in the game, building industrial district and shit ton of farms to get whatever I need.

I think this is kinda reflected irl, where I like to have a strong stability of foundation before I try something different, something that is not part of the route Im used for. It's like once I am sure that our project presentation has the right amount of slides, informations and delivery, then only I try and test out animations, maybe some infographics and whatnot. Same with patient counselling, I usually follow a flow strictly in patient information gathering because that is what we were taught in University (name, age, height, weight, etc), but one time I decided to switch it up a bit to and try to make small talk in between info gathering (like when a patient tells me they're married, instead of moving on I congrats on their marriage instead) and has found it a nice experience and change of pace. You may find this a silly or heck, an obvious thing that I should've tried, but you need to understand every video, notes and lectures always follow a systematic manner with stuff like this. I've only started incorporating this style after being in the med course for like, 2 years, so when I transitioned to Pharmacy, it came naturally to me when it comes to building rapport with patients. The patients and lecturers love it, because the process can feel more like a conversation rather than an interrogation you know, it feels more lively, more empathy and whatnot. I hope to continue to improve on this actually, Im really happy that one of the change I made on an impulse stick through and benefitted my career.

Id say one bad thing with this habit (with how I approach change) is sometimes I miss out opportunities and again, missing out the fun. Heck, sometimes the process to finish the "foundation" itself feels like a chore that sucks out the fun from games. Like rn with tears of the kingdom(totk), I like collecting Light of Blessing to get more hearts and stamina, but god- totk is so much bigger now compared to the first one, and I got overwhelmed and stressful to play the game. So I dropped it on my previous semester break. (I wanna go back to it one day, hopefully)

This kind of also tie into something Im aware of, is that I get weary and overthink in the face of uncertainty. Like there are a lot of places in totk that I have yet to explore, because I have thoughts like

oh shit does this have important story plot? wait what if im suppose to go place A before going place B first? will it mess up the timeline? oh no that place is new what the heck let's just put a marker first-

you get the gist, same applies irl too. An invitation to quizzes, participating talk shows or experiments, most of which I usually don't attend in fear of my lack of skills or just, nervousness in new environment. There's always a lingering thought that I am not good enough to go to events that clearly, required skills and competence beyond what I have. Im no 4 flat student, hell my cgpa is shit lmfao, the only thing Im good at are soft skills and maybe level 1-2 clinical judgments. I still regret that one time I didn't join a community event where they've explored and talked about stem cells intervention, they had a whole freaking lab!! of cells!! like in the movies!!!!!!!!! ok anyways

Idk what im tryna say with this ramble, I just wanted to share and relate my experience to the video, maybe this is like a self reflection. I've been trying to be better at managing some of the issues I talked about, building confidence or maybe facing confrontations instead of dipping entirely.

If you read till here, thanks I guess! maybe you can relate to me or maybe you just wanna read my yaps, either way I appreciate it :D if you want to share your thoughts or experiences as well go ahead!

[anoptimisticadventurer]

9, 16, and 29

9. What do you consider your biggest accomplishment?

I know this is cliche, but remaining true to myself when illicit drugs, nonsensical night outs with people I don't consider friends, rejecting sexual advances, and death came knocking at my door. I don't know why I'm still and sometimes that ideation whispers to me in such heaviness, like a black ocean trying to consume me. But while it whispers to me, I'm playing soccer with my nephew and making him laugh while we both imitate voices and scenes from toy story 2, or cooking my favorite meal, listening to my favorite song, being sassy with my mom, on video call with my friend from Germany as they show me their plants and educate me on it because being there for others helps me be there for myself. That whisper is always there, like a stain, but my heart, my hope, is still beating and trying. Trying to keep this optimistic hope about life alive. That's what I'm most proud of.

16. What do you think makes you attractive?

I don't know what makes me attractive, but I'm going to use this as an opportunity to post something else entirely since I've been self reflecting about my a lot. So I decided to ramble about what I love about myself, what I bring to the table, and my hope for the future:

I love that I'm a caring person, I love that despite every setback, mistake, and hardship I've gone through, I still remain, kind and hopeful about life and I forgive myself as well. I am not even 1/100 of a perfect person; I've made mistakes, hurt people, and disappointed others, and I apologize for that and forgive myself. I love that I'm in a place in life where I know exactly what I want in life, what I'm aiming to achieve in life, what type of friends or people I want in my life and associate myself with. I love that I can't be a complete smug, mean asshole but I won't because that's not who I am, however, I am not afraid of taking no shit from anyone anymore. I love that I'm a great uncle and I know this is nowhere near to being an actual dad, I'm confident that I'll make an amazing parent/step dad. I love my sense of humor and how I can be a complete utter goof one second but then be serious when I have to be. I love that I don't take shit too seriously. I love that I haven't let this world harden me. I love that I'm back in school pursuing my degree for a better life, while also working saving while also being able to meet ends needs. I love that I know what kind of partner I want to be for my future s/o: I will provide to financially with whatever they'll need. I want to cook and bake for them. I want to be able to joke with them while also being able to be serious. I want us to be able to talk about difficult things when we need to and always support each other in every way we'll want each other to do so. And I know that I'm currently a novice to the whole sexual experience, I am confident that I will be able to sexually satisfied my future s/o in every way while we also enjoy this adventure of finding our sexual groove. Their taste will become my favorite taste. I love that I know someday someone is going to love both fucking me and being fucked by me. I know that I will do everything in my power to be the best partner I can be, give them the best back rubs EVER, kisses, and this sense of safety that I will always be there for them. I'll only have eyes for them, my heart will be theirs, and my life will be dedicated in making sure they're taken care of in all forms of ways. I love that I'm growing as person as a man. I love that I'm still looking up, not giving up on my life goals. I love that I will now always try to be the best friend, uncle, brother, and son out there. Moreover, and less important: I love my smile, my brown eyes, my curly/wavy hair, and my big butt. There. Does this make me attractive? Maybe I was never attractive and you know what? That's okay. I used this question specifically because it helped me ramble and just be open to myself. I don't care how delusional I am or sound, but I'm a fucking catch. I'm excited to love the fuck out of someone and be the best future s/o, friend, son, brother, uncle, grandson, academic student, and Alfonso.

29. Favorite song lyrics right now?

"The years wore on and changed my heart

The leading role for a smaller part"

[hypermoyashi]

hiiii moya!!!! Tell us about your favorite detail that youve snuck into any of your fics!! Any detail, big or small!!!

Oh man. Thank you for the ask, Tobi!!! You basically gave me a free ticket to talk about Anything I Want, and I have so many things I could chat about kegmrkemkg It's hard to pick out one detail or another because I tend to like a lot of what I write (it's catered to Me, after all), so I shall. Ramble under a read more, if that's okay lol.

OKAY SO. First thought was. How demons, specially Vash in the demon AU, work--because demon slayer canon has very strict rules on how thing works, but it doesn't often explain why things work the way they do. Which gives me a lot of room to be kind of hand-wavy with canon. (And I'm going to preface this that this is a lot of speculation for the AU and not necessarily reflective of canon in demon slayer rkengjrkengjrkeng.)

I also can't guarantee there won't be lore spoilers here (for both the fic/AU and the source), so read at your own risk!

But basically demonism was invented on accident in an attempt to cure a terminal illness, and it basically gives someone Immortality At A Cost. I think it functions sort of like a virus. Getting exposed to the blood of a demon will infect a human into become a demon, but "viral load" is important--the amount of "demon infection" determines if a demon can turn a human in the first place, and that depends on how diluted the demon's blood is from the original source. Too far, and they can't turn humans. Conversely, if a human gets Too Much demon blood at once and too much from the original source, their body changes too rapidly for it to handle, and they die instead of turning. Technically speaking, the same thing can happen to demons, too.

But all that to say, the main thing that demonism boils down to is rapid change of the body. Got cancer? Becoming a demon sure can cure that, just change faster than the cancer. Got a limb torn off? Let's just grow that right back. Need to develop supernatural powers or senses? Sure thing, buddy.

Demonism allows demons to change rapidly, but they also Need Humans to survive and have to avoid sunlight--obviously from a literary standpoint this is because they're meant to resemble western vampires, but from a functional standpoint? Sunlight I would guess is probably a glitch of rapid change? Like, when you implement coding too quickly, there are bound to be errors. If you force the body to change rapidly, like when it's converted from human to demon, then the weakness to sunlight might be an "error" in the biological code of the original demon that was then passed on to all subsequent demons, since they all came from the same source.

Feeding on humans, though? The implication I've always seen is that animal meat doesn't do it, and rotten flesh isn't as nutritional, either. So there's something about live humans that demons Need to consume to survive and grow their strength--demons can cannibalize one another, but I think they more or less just can steal traits from one another in those cases, and it's less about needing to eat then and more about assuming a trait another demon has developed through rapid change instead of taking the time to develop it oneself. We don't see demon animals, so I think it has something to do with the fact that only humans can become demons--demons can also only feed on humans, in return, so it might have something to do with the demon cells themselves running out of human cells to feed on in their host (i.e., the demon) and needing more to produce that rapid change we see them do.

Alright, but what happens when you deprive a demon of human flesh and blood? Obviously, it doesn't kill them (as we see with Nezuko in demon slayer canon). So it won't kill Vash now that he's decided not to have Anything, but then, how does he avoid the whole "going feral and attacking people anyway" thing?

Well, there is a procedure in demon slayer canon that reduces a demon's dependence on blood--this is not explained at all in canon, but I explained it by the use of introducing "antibodies" or a demon vaccination. These are demon cells that don't act fully like demon cells anymore--they were once demon cells that have changed to the point that, if introduced into a demon, it mitigates some of the impact of regular demon cells and thus lessen the symptoms of demonism (a.k.a., needing to eat people).

How did these cells come about? Well, through that rapid change of course--you'd just need a demon willing to change their cells and body in such a way as to mitigate some of the effects of the demon cells, and in this case. This is difficult in this case, I think, because to get cells that need less flesh/blood, these would need to be cells that haven't been given their "fuel" for rapid change and been forced to adapt without it. Basically, you'd need a demon willing to abstain from eating for a long time, if you see where I'm going with this.

In Nezuko's case, since she Never Ate Anyone Ever, I think her change under this theory would be forced from the fact that she never let her cells have anything to begin with. The change happened over a few years, because she Had To and she dedicated pretty much all of her energy to it. No speaking, no hard cognitive tasks, only occasional fighting and Blood Demon Art usage--she mostly just slept and only intervened in events when her brother was in danger, for the most part.

For Vash? The change would be a lot slower and a lot harder, because he has eaten at least one person, on top of having been fed blood/flesh (willingly or unwillingly) throughout his life. He also prioritizes keeping his mind sound and with it, and maintains his ability to speak and interact normally (most of the time). He also expends energy fighting, healing, and through his Blood Demon Art. So he's diversifying a bit more, and had less of a jump off point, so it'd take him much longer to get the same results. That being said, it's still definitely possible for him to get what he wants--a body not as reliant on blood or flesh (though he is still technically denying his body something it needs, it just needs less over time as his body starts working with him).

And hey, if demons can change to need less blood... Well, who's to say they can't change in other ways, too?

(demon slayer readers don't spoil it lol)

ANYWAY. Demon lore surrounding Vash in Make it to Daybreak is. Very fun to talk about. Everything above is all stuff that's been vaguely hinted at but not laid out plainly like this, but I think it'll give the non-demon slayer readers more of an edge guessing upcoming developments that demon slayer readers will already have lol. Plus it's just fun to fill in the holes on demon slayer lore with stuff that sounds neat to me.

But!!! Thank you so much for sending the ask, Tobi!!! It really made my day!!

[thegreatandpowerfulversy]

Hi! I just want to say I've found your blog a really valuable source of differing jewish opinions. I'm in sort of a pro-palestine echo chamber, which initially I thought was a good thing (and to be clear I still don't think palestinian people should be harmed, killed, deprived of human necessities or forcibly removed from their homes) - but I am also increasingly aware of the lack of critical thinking, casual antisemitism as well as full blown antisemitic conspiracy that happens in these discussions. I don't always recognise it immediately, but I understand it is there. And knowing many antizionist jewish people doesn't at all stop that from being true. I'm buddhist (culturally but also in practice) and it is important to me to consider the welfare of human beings and to not simply get trapped in dogma. I hope all of us can reflect on our views and be more mindful of the takes we uncritically share on social media - not simply whether or not they are 'true', but also if they are actively harmful to marginalised peoples. There's a real oppression olympics feeling to some of the discourse that I really dislike. People seem allergic to caring about multiple kinds of people at the same time. I've been able to better navigate the free palestine tag despite the claims of 'antisemites not welcome' as a result of your blog. I don't necessarily agree with every last thing everyone you've ever reblogged has said but I just wanted you to know you've helped me learn a lot. And I am still learning

Thank you for the message! I'm happy that you're taking steps to recognize the environment you've been in and get to a healthier place, and I'm very glad the posts I reblog and my occasional rambling in tags thereof is helping!

I fully agree with you that everyone deserves human rights, that's what the "human" part of the phrase means, no exceptions. I find it incredibly tragic that so many people are dying in this war, and I wish none of them had to (even the Hamas fighters, in a perfect world they would be captured and given trials, because they're humans too). But one of my biggest issues with the online pro-pal movement is how they insist that this war is somehow exceptional -- that it must be genocide, that it must have the highest death toll ever, that it must be so much worse than any other conflict... and that's simply not the case on all counts. And the expectation that it would be, simply because Israel is one of the combatants, is due to ingrained antisemitism that, in most people anyway, probably isn't even at the level of conscious thought.

Also, even I don't 100% agree with everything on the blogs of all the people I follow. I'm aware that some of the Israeli news articles I see have a right-wing slant, but to me at least, going in with my eyes open is better than not hearing what's going on at all. I've definitely seen some Islamophobic posts going around and I don't endorse that any more than I do antisemitism.

Anyway, thanks again for sharing your thoughts! I hope you continue to learn and grow and fight for human rights for all, Palestinian and Jewish both... and Israeli Arab, and Bedouin, and Druze, and Samaritan, and all the other groups in that area who always get forgotten by people in their black-and-white thinking. The only way we achieve peace is if we all stand together.

[xivu-arath]

Wanted to hear your thoughts on the possibility of Mara's literary or narrative parallel actually being Xivu instead of Savathun. It's kind of a half formed idea from stuff I've been catching up on but Xivu and Mara seem similar when it comes to...I guess intent than Savathun to Mara. Possibly, Mara being close to what Xivu would act like if she was the eldest of her siblings.

yeah I've thought this was an interesting shift in perspective now that we have savathun and mara actually in the same place! (and apologies in advance, this is going to be a bit of a ramble about everyone involved before I get to the meat of your actual inquiry). also it should go without saying, but this post is not the place to get into mara's morality or what she did wrong or right or Who Is Worse - we're here to talk about character comparisons in how they think and act!

you'd think they'd lean on those parallels (and one of the seasonal lore entries certainly does, in a very weaponized way) but savathun also brings it up of her own volition, which was certainly... a Choice

I think this is because she's certainly aware of those parallels herself, and wants to draw attention away from them. right now she's the target of so much well-deserved hate and anger, and it's to her benefit to seem vulnerable and ambiguously benevolent. if she can also undermine mara's authority or (already somewhat muddied) character to us by comparing her to her ferocious and clearly threatening sister, then... well, that's a clever blow to strike, isn't it? especially to people who are likely to care about crow and might be resentful already

but I think it goes deeper than that. I've spoken in my analysis of xivu that I believe the hive gods make up for their deliberately flattened and streamlined emotions by drawing comparisons to their experiences and memories, as well as important bonds, because otherwise their frame of reference for much of the universe is so horrifically skewed that savathun wouldn't be able to get anywhere with her manipulations. her ideas of how people are motivated just wouldn't work. sure, she's definitely dissing mara and likely trying to ensure the guardian doesn't see her in a fond light - but there's likely a grain of truth in it regardless

mara acts like savathun does, and does prize the same things she does - secrets, encryptions, security. but in season of the lost we're seeing her in a much more personal context in-game for the first time, and there... yes, they do seem to act similarly forcefully when it comes to pursuing people who are trying to keep their distance. another astral alignment dialogue notes that xivu arath's relentless attacks seem obsessive and extremely personal, and mara's interest in crow as well as her reflections on uldren are... singleminded. most notably, savathun is entirely correct that neither of them can let go of the past right now

however, I think there's a few key differences here. xivu has always been quite close to her siblings, and makes the active choice to part ways with oryx and savathun to grow her strength on her own. mara and uldren's relationship was always defined by distance, which she mourns in rare moments when she knows she's going to die and leave him in one of her lorebooks, but her control of him is extremely hands-off until he's no longer in her orbit. then she suddenly needs to regain his attention and devotion, which is a very common unbalanced family dynamic. the hive siblings are, of course, also extremely unhealthy in their Everything, but to me, xivu's intent to reach savathun is more to get an explanation and demand a return to the way things were or be back on equal ground than to wrest back control specifically. it'll still be an extremely destructive meeting, which is why savathun wants to make sure it happens after her worm is out and Things Get Real

(I'm also tagging in @synnthamonsugar, who has made posts about her own thoughts on savathun's plan here and its echoes of trying to escape an unhealthy family dynamic, which sort of attaches on to this whole topic)

I feel as a whole their motivations and goals are too different to really work as complete narrative foils. but if it continues this way for family alone (at least until we have confirmed lore for how either savathun or xivu feel about their family! bungie! please!!!) then that works out quite well

I could see an older xivu, or even if she'd been from an earlier brood entirely and was used to being the protector of the other two, would be more focused on controlling and herding them, and be more inclined to be a more... forceful variation of mara, forbidding and stifling by shutting off choices or going first

I hope this covers everything you were interested in, anon!

[dirty-bosmer]

Hi!! I've been following you for a while, but I'm shy so I hope you don't mind that I'm on anon. I've ben wanting to write fic for a few months but it seems rather intimidating with all of the stories that are already out there. I saw one of your writing ask replies where you had mentioned it being okay to compare yourself to others as long as you do so critically, and wondered if you could expand on that if you don't mind? It's honestly one of my biggest hang-ups >.<

Oh totally! I should preface this by saying that I'm well aware of all the writing advice lists that will tell you "comparison is the thief of joy," and “absolutely under no circumstances should you compare yourself to others.” While I think there is value to that advice, it’s a really hard part of our brain to turn off. Most people possess some degree of awareness lol. We’re perceptive. We notice things that others are doing around us, and it’s natural to ask “how are we similar? What are we doing that’s different?” My approach to these observations is that if I’m not doing anything positive with them, they really don’t serve me, so when I’m reading, I’ll ask myself, “how is the author building intrigue? Why am I so fond of these characters? Why is this passage so pleasing?” It takes practice and a lot of self-reflection to apply this to your own writing, but that’s what I mean by a critical eye. It’s kind of like research, and if I’m not comparing my writing to that of better writers, I don’t feel I will ever grow in my craft.

Another thing, and idk if this is a side effect of having my ass handed to me in grad school, but I’ve found a lot of peace in acknowledging that there will always be someone more skilled than I, more passionate than I, smarter, better, more successful than I. Rather than this being a source of grief, it’s actually quite freeing? I’ve stopped trying to compete with these people. Instead, I try to learn from them. I find them inspiring, and I think placing a higher value on being able to say “I am growing, and I am improving,” over some arbitrary or numerical measurement of “success” is something most people would benefit from.  

And speaking of “success,” if you’re starting out with fanfic, don't bother with stats. This is a place where I think comparison will more often than not lead to despair lol. Fanfic is a hobby. We write it for fun, and in my opinion, the moment you start getting hung up on performance metrics and engagement is the moment you start to jeopardize your happiness. It’s great to have an audience, and I’m so appreciative of all my readers, but I started writing for myself, because I found it fulfilling, because it relieved stress, and since I’m not getting paid, my joy is always going to be a more reliable source of creative energy than those derived from extrinsic motivators. 

Also, with regard to stats, another thing to keep in mind is that (and this is true with many forms of art and media) very popular titles can be fairly mediocre while some truly phenomenal works will receive so little attention that it borders on criminal. And before anyone takes offense, I’m not saying that rough or unpolished or poorly written fics are without value, only that fanfic is quite a different beast than original work. With fic, you already have an audience that is primed to be invested in your story. People want wish fulfillment. They want to read their favorite characters in crazy situations. They want to have fun and enjoy silly romps, and they want to see the same tropes over and over again (it’s me— I am people). The nature of the game is that if the story you want to write doesn’t include those things, there is a chance it won’t gain a lot of traction. But at least it’s your story, yeah? And at least it will bring you joy :)

Sorry for rambling. I hope that clarifies what you were asking 😅 The TL;DR is if you write and want to improve your skill, it’s really important to learn from those around you. Comparison is most likely going to happen anyway, so you might as well make it work for you. And if you don’t want to improve, that’s totally fine! Not everyone is writing or reading fic for the craft, and this is just what works for me :)

Thanks for the ask! I really enjoy thinking and talking about these things 💕

[scarasimplysimping]

These Books Of You Part 2

Xingqiu x Reader

Part 1

V

Sypnosis: A boy of noble blood and disciple to the Guhua Clan, Xingqiu has been reading books of the heroic adventures of an elusive adepti, [Y/N] ever since he was a little boy.

Now a bit older, he sets everything aside in a journey to meet you.

Xingqiu was scolded harshly when he returned but he could hardly focus. Xingqiu could think of nothing but you and how he kissed-

He burries his face in his hand in embarrassment.

"Stop that. What's wrong with you?" Chongyun asks, sitting cross-legged on Xingqiu's bed.

"Oh Dear Chongyun, I kissed their hand." He replies in a muffled voice.

"Disgusting."

"You are not helping!"

Chongyun snickers, "What are they like?"

"Perfect." He responds, almost instantly.

"You'll have to be more specific than that."

"They saved me."

"You have a broken arm." Chongyun points out.

"I fell down while climbing though it should heal in 8 weeks at most."

"Foolish."

"Worth it."

Chongyun slouches on the bed as Xingqiu continues to ramble about you.

The following day feels as if it was the longest for Xingqiu. He could not bear the anticipation for nightfall and made sure to check the clock in his bedroom every ten seconds.

Now, you've been at the statue of Pervases since afternoon, paying your respects.

Xingqiu knew where the statue was. The traveler, Aether informed him of this but also told him to be careful as there were lots of hostiles in the path.

Xingqiu encountered none. There was this tugging feeling at the back of his head saying you cleared them all just for him. Which you did.

He arrived at the area and saw you, sitting near the statue with your eyes closed. The young man stared at you, contemplating about how peaceful you looked.

"Are you going to keep staring or will you sit down?" You ask, not looking at him.

"Apologies. My liege- I mean (Y/N). I was merely captivated by your beauty once again."

You open your eyes, taking in his expression.

He was dead serious.

You feel your cheeks heat up and in an effort to maintain your composure, you abruptly stand up and turn your back to him. You've come to terms with the fact that Xingqiu is a man of impulse. This, you could admire.

He is confused but decides not to bring it up.

Silence.

When the awkwardness becomes uncomfortable, he speaks again, "Would you like me to read these books of you out loud? I mean they're very interesting but it's fine if you don't considering that you already know what has happened-"

"Do as you wish."

The swordsman finds a comfortable place to sit and pulls out a heavy book.

Well this was gonna be a long night.

Once he starts reading, you find yourself unable to tear away your focus from his soft voice. You've lived these memories in your own life, and some you didn't even want to relive but still, you're drawn in by his sweet, sweet voice.

The night is mostly like this. There is occasional small talk like 'that is not how it happened.' Or 'May you please explain this part to me in detail? I want to know how you felt during this battle.'

You find if difficult to hold your tongue when he asks. Even the painful memories become just nostalgic when you explain to him. Xingqiu also tries not to overstep the boundaries despite wanting to know every single detail.

Weeks pass enough so that his arm eventually heals. And even more. Though he only gets to see you one night out of seven moons, he feels as if you two grow a bond, an unbreakable one. And you felt it too.

"-So I paid for all the damage dear Chongyun caused!"

You chuckle at the story, pitying his friend.

Silence.

You look at Xingqiu, confused as to why he stopped telling his story.

"You... you laughed," He points out, amazed. "I made you laugh..."

His cheeks were tainted with a blush. You could almost swear you saw his soul ascend to heaven.

"Hmmm... perhaps it's because I find it easy, tolerating your company. Maybe at times, I enjoy it," You say to stroke his ego a little .

"How did you get your vision?" He asks, eying the vision you had.

"Well... I used to be a mortal," You start, staring off into the distance.

The boy's eyes widen with curiosity and amazement, "I never knew of this! It's not mentioned in any of the books..."

"I never told anyone... Except now."

Xingqiu felt honored to be the first one you'd share your story with in thousands of years.

Suddenly, you question yourself.

Why were you so comfortable with him? Did he do some sort of sorcery on you? Why were you so important to him? Why was he so important to you? These thoughts raced in your head you could not think straight. Eons of slaughter did this to you. It broke you. Maybe it's just paranoia or all the lives you took finally taking a toll on you, giving you your own demons that prevented you from having nice things.

"How long will you stay with me?"

"Forever."

Liar

"No... Nevermind," You say, once again building your walls around yourself. The walls he tried so desperately to tear down.

Xingqiu frowns, "Why?"

You stay silent.

"(Y/N), you should not bear all your burden alone forever," He says, reaching out for your hand as if asking for your trust.

You don't accept it.

"It's not your place," You say in a stoic tone.

"But I'm your friend aren't I?"

His question is once again returned with silence.

"(Y/N), please I know how you feel-"

You feel yourself snap and say things you didn't even mean, "You know nothing of how I feel and you aren't my friend. You're merely an annoying mortal who wants to befriend me because you... you pity me. I disappointed you! I was not as heroic as those books say but you're too afraid to tell me-"

"(Y/N), none of that is true!" He grabs your shoulders, forcing you into eye contact, only then Xingqiu notices the tears, streaming down your cheeks.

He wonders what happened for you to be this reserved. Everyone always has a turning point. How long must you have yearned for someone to share the pain with you? How many times did they fail you? He was here now. You could trust him. He was prepared to wait. If you could just give him a chance, show him a sign, he would do anything for you because he

"I love you," Xingqiu whispers, wiping your tears away.

It was beautiful. The night, how the stars perfectly reflected in his eyes. The way he cups your cheeks with his slender hands. The way you felt as if you could just melt in his touch. The quiet. The moon. The relationship-

But every relationship had it's problems.

And in this one, it was you.

"You mean nothing to me. Just a face I'll forget after five hundred years," You say coldly, looking him straight in the eyes before vanishing from his sight.

"Forever."

Liar. Liar. Liar

Reality hits Xingqiu like a bucket of cold water. Of course. Of course he was just a human waving his fancy little sword around. He tried so desperately to gain your approval, pathetic as a clown. The Archons were probably laughing their heads off at how foolish he had been.

Xingqiu scoffs at himself, first he starts laughing, though that quickly turns into full blown sobs.

He's glad you left so you would not have to witness him in this shameful state.

But you didn't leave. You were still there. Just invisible to him. You wanted to make sure he got home safely. Quite ironic considering the only one that had posed real danger to him, was you.

Weeks pass with no sign of Xingqiu. You grew more and more restless and empty by the day. The adeptus noticed. Morax noticed.

"(Y/N), do you wish to become a mortal again?" He asked you one afternoon.

"You... you can do that?"

"You can," He replies. "Your vision was given to you along with your immortality when we made the contract."

Then suddenly, you understood what had to be done.

The other adeptus were surprisingly supportive of your decision. Even Xiao mentioned how he envied you for having a choice.

It felt weird to walk in the streets of Liyue Harbor. You have not visited this place since the time it was nothing but a wasteland of vengeful gods yet now the city was lively. Their were children running around and playing, street vendors attracting customers, lovers walking hand in hand. All this was fruit of your victories of war, was it not? Would it be such a sin to enjoy it?

Your thoughts are cut short when you feel someone grab you and harshly pull you into an alleyway.

"Xingqiu?" Was your first thought.

"We couldn't be more different."

You turn to the voice and find a light haired male, matching the description as someone in Xingqiu's stories.

"Chongyun."

He nods, seemingly unamused, then he glares, "What did you say to Xingqiu?"

"Hurtful things I shouldn't have," You admit, wincing at the memory.

Chongyun sees the glint of guilt in your eyes, "Well you better fix it."

"Where can I find him?"

You shock him with your eagerness. Perhaps... you weren't so bad Chongyun thought.

He brings you to Xingqiu's residence.

"Climb the window," He says. "I'll wait here. He won't talk to me."

Xingqiu mentioned a strict household once but you never expected that the only way out was sneaking through a window, though.

You, despite eons of combat training, quite clumsily stumble into the room.

There was no sign of Xingqiu... other than the uneven lump, the shape of Xingqiu under the blankets.

"Go away, Chongyun." He says, in a rather raspy voice.

You feel extremely guilty again. You caused this. This was your fault. Maybe he was better of without you-

No. No. These were the kind of thoughts that put you both in this situation in the first place. You were no longer going to listen to them.

"It's me, Xingqiu," Finally announcing yourself.

You here a small gasp but after that, nothing more.

Not knowing where to start or what to say, you settle on continuing the conversation that got cut off by your paranoid thoughts last time.

"I was once a mortal."

"Why are you still here? Don't you have someone else's heart to break?"

Well... at least now he was talking.

You decide to continue talking.

"I had a lover."

A yaksha. A strong and kind yaksha. A most gentle and lively man who never failed to save lives and vanquish foes. He always told you of his dreams to serve the geo archon and bring peace to the land.

"How long will you stay with me?" You ask, playing with his hair.

"Forever."

But he lied.

He fell victim to corruption after all the blood had been spilled and all the sins had been sinned.

He went on a rampage, destroying everything he came across and killing anyone who stood in his way. Innocent or sinner.

Except for you.

So you were the one to put an end to it all as you quite literally pierced an arrow through his heart.

And you regretted it. Inconsolable, you were.

Morax took pity on you and offered you what had been your lover's dream to serve, his powers, and eternal life.

"This vision isn't mine, Xingqiu. It's his," You finish the story, grasping the electro vision tightly.

"Xingqiu, I owe you an apology. I'm not exactly stable. I thought I didn't deserve nice things. I thought... I thought that by loving you, I would doom one of us to infinite suffering while the other, death," You admit, tearfully. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-"

His arms wrap around your waist. It's almost scary how you didn't notice him get up and make his way toward you how low your guard was.

"I love you, Xingqiu."

"I love you too, (Y/N)."

"Miss (Y/N)," Chongyun calls out, when he passes by you in the street one day.

"I don't know if this means anything to you... but your vision seems to be at peace. I cannot explain this either. It has an aura as if it were alive."

You hold the hilt of your sword, aiming it at the vision that was currently on the ground.

Xingqiu places a kiss on your cheek before stepping back. "Whenever you're ready."

Months past after your reconciliation with him. The both of you have been happy together ever since.

The only way for you to become mortal again was to destroy the thing that bound you to immortality. The vision.

When you first told Xingqiu, he was hesitant. To think you'd give up your powes and eternal life just to grow old with him. But this was your choice. You spent years taking lives and saving them. Now you just wanted to take back your own. To live your own.

You inhale sharply and with all your force, bring the sword down.

It shatters the vision into a thousand glistening pieces. Sorrowful yet calm and beautiful. You had long forgiven the yaksha. And it seems he, you.

Xingqiu snakes a hand around your waist and  pulls you so that you're facing him. You inch your face closer to his and kiss him, it was a long kiss that left you out of breath. The kind of kiss that told you everything would be alright. The kind you read about in books.

"How long will you stay with me?" He asks.

"Forever."

And there were no lies this time.

[hereforthefandom]

About love and artists: A silly little essay to get things out of my head.

Love in and on itself is hard enough to explain. It's a word that encompasses too many different feelings, sensations, types of relationship and that is only thinking of the use of the words towards other people. We love our family, we love our partners, we love our friends and we love icecream. That's a lot of love, so let me try to explain which one I will be talking about here:

The love towards someone we don't know but still feel like home.

I could write many more words about this kind of love, but I believe it is quite unique and different for everyone, so let's leave it at that. Now, how can we love someone we don't even know? Because we believe we do. As humans, we seek for connection, identification and most of all, we seek to feel. Art makes us feel, music makes us feel therefore, artists makes us feel. When I listen to a song from an artist I like and admire half of me relates to the lyrics, melodies and feelings of my own life and experience and the other half relates it to the image I created of the artist in my head. This image comes from a lot, from articles, interviews and photos to more subtle content, perceptions and feelings I have while listening to an interview or watching a live video. With internet and social medias, content is almost infinite and with every video I watch the image I built in my head grows stronger and more and more real.

There is one important point here: This image is not only aparences, it's a whole person, with their values, beliefs, flaws and personality. This image is the artist, the artist is a image that reflects the person behind it and still protects their personal life. It's like a character in a book or movie. Harry Potter is as much of a person as any of us, even if he's a lot of different Harry's in all our minds. But now that I think about it, aren't we all a lot of different versions of ourselves in everyone we know minds? well, let's leave this for the next rambling.

But the love is as real as it can be. We love them. Because how could I not when I identify so much with them? When I feel their fears and feelings through their songs? When I recognize their voice faster then I would my own family? When I have so much of them to go back to when I'm feeling down? Many people judge us, the ones who love artist with their whole being. The fangirls, delussional and naive. That's not it. I dare say its the opposite. What we feel is pure love and we just want to give it, offer it. Its genuine and simple. Beatiful. If everyone could feel this kind of love inside of them, maybe we would have a kinder world. And that's the point of it all, isn't it? To live and to love? To feel and to respect?

We love someone we don't know because they make us feel. And that's more than enough. There will never be something wrong with loving someone.

So keep on loving without shame, keep on respecting the boundaries between the artist and the person behind it, keep on feeling.

And if you came this far, thanks for reading and I LOVE talking about all of this, so if you want to share something, my DM's are always open.

[katierosefun]

Hi! Don't know if you're interested, but stared watching Doctor Who for the first time.. Its very whimsical and charming, but do they have to hit us with the existential crisis at the end of EVERY FREAKING EPISODE?! I'm trying to enjoy things, not think about how fast time is fleeting and how lonely must have been for the Time Lord, thank you very much! Also maybe jwds fic about one of them being the secretly another eternal creature so the other would not be so lonely anymore?.. 🥺

I understand the point of the show, it helps us to understand that we have to cherish our time and memories even though it will end, but God damn I feel bad for the Doctor.. He sees so many people he cherishes leave him every time, can't he stop being the lessons for others and just live for himself for once with someone who will not disappear?.. Sorry for rambling, just hits too close to home and other people think I'm weird for empathising with fictional character so much.. (2/2...at least, i think?)

oh gee anon, you just really got at the show lmao--they really do have to hit us with an existential crisis in every episode. that's part of the charm and the beauty, whether better or for worse. i think even though the doctor is an alien who can live for a very, very long time, there's a certain weariness that connects so well with a lot of viewers i think. like you mentioned, i feel like this show and the doctor is a character who's both a guide and also someone that a lot of people can connect to. (it was actually just the other day my friend and i were reflecting on how our favorite doctors really reflected how we are. her favorite was nine, and mine was eleven. we both love the doctor, and at the end of the day, the doctor is the doctor is the doctor, but it was interesting for us to see what exact facets of the doctor we personally connected with.)

and yeah, you hit the tragedy of the doctor on the head--you have to feel a bit sorry for them because like...as someone who's almost immortal (at least in the eyes of humans), you just. have to wonder. what happens when you just keep losing people.

but that's also the beauty of the doctor. the doctor loses people over and over and over again, and yet still finds the courage and the space in their heart(s) to keep being kind. i don't know which season you're on yet, but there's one particular favorite line of mine from the show (and i think it resonates with a lot of viewers), but like...900 years of time and space, and i've never met anyone who wasn't important. like, imagine! being immortal and meeting and losing so many people, and yet they are all so incredibly significant. like, gosh. you would think that you'd grow bitter and angry and draw away from people after that long, but the doctor still. helps people. which is. you feel sorry because you so desperately wish they'll find someone who stays, but also...i think a lot of us wander through life like that. trying our best, getting hurt when we get hurt, getting lost when we get lost, and every once in a while, we just might want to stop helping people and isolate completely--good riddance, someone else please do this because i don't want to do this anymore.

it's sad, and i'm rambling a bit now, but the point is: we get hurt. sometimes we put ourselves on the front lines and wind up being cautionary tales for people, and sometimes we need to grit our teeth and do the right thing, even if it means hurting ourselves in the process, and sometimes you're stupidly, insanely happy for a while, only to feel it die down when someone leaves (because that's how things go--people fade in and out of your life). but if we were also angry and bitter every time someone left, then i think everyone would be very much so doomed. so. while sad, i think the doctor gives a lot of people hope in that regard. people leave, but that doesn't mean we should be cruel or cowardly and so on and so forth. instead, we just try the best we can, and maybe, if we try hard enough, we might even be a story in someone else's head--a good story.

anyways. it's also interesting that you mention jwds...now that you've put that thought in my head, i just have to think of all the parallels between dong sik and the doctor lol....i'm afraid i'm not awake enough to form intelligent thoughts, and this response has gotten ridiculously long already, but. every lonely monster needs a companion and all that, and lmao i do love the idea of dong sik meeting a force of a human who, perhaps for the first time, wants to stay.

[that-wizard-oki]

Hello! I've been aware of your blog for years, and made a Tumblr blog very recently. I want to say that your posts are extremely well thought out, and give the storyline of Wizard101 a lot of much needed depth. I think if Wiz had the gameplay and story structure of Pirate101, it would benefit highly especially for worlds like Azteca and Khrysalis. Currently I'm rewriting Wiz and your posts are a huge inspiration. Finally. what are your thoughts on Arc 3? Imo it had potential but failed.

Hey there! Thank you so much for all your kind words, I’m glad you enjoy my thoughts and theories about the game-  and I’m flattered to hear they inspire you to create your own fan work :D 

Personally, I wouldn’t say that Arc 3 failed in any sense. I think the idea of a children's/family game to tackle the theme of a broken family\divorce is pretty smart- it gives the opportunity to adults who play this game with their kids to find a way to perhaps talk about their own experience with the same themes in their real lives (if it applies to them). Likewise, i also like that the story focuses on that the CHILDREN are the one who have to clean up the PARENTS mess, more or less. Often times the children in families who have a parent/parents that are either split, should split, or are abusive to one another, are the ones who get caught in the cross fire- this is SO evident with Mellori and Bat in Empyrea.

Following that, I think it was also super clever to have Mellori (and the wizard) initially ALSO be fighting against Spider’s children. Another common occurrence in families that experience abuse between their parents/ect, is that one or both of the parents will try to divide their children onto sides- furthering the divide and conflict in the family itself. THIS was exactly what was happening in arc 3- we weren’t technically fighting Raven and Spider, but their children were fighting each other in their names.

One of the most beautiful things to come out of this game was the fact that Mellori and Bat WERE able to see through that, and instead focused on the real threat at hand- their parents. In fact, it is their COMBINED power that allows the wizard to defeat the result of Raven and Spider- the Aethyr Titan. This reflects so well into reality, where when the children of broken families try their damned to support one another, instead of letting their parents continue to control and divide them, it leads to the kids being able to break the domino effect that comes with that kind of family dynamic. They are able to become individuals- instead of being some mini version or “part” of their parents (which is also clever on KI’s part to make Mellori and Bat/Rat/Scorpion LITERAL extensions of Raven/Spider, which makes it seem like they are just kind of mindless bots doing whatever their entrusted parent tells them). 

One part i particularly like as well is that towards the end of Empyrea, Mellori talk about how she’s going to go home to her mom- and it’s not Raven, it’s Baba Yaga. I absolutely love this idea that, yea, Mellori (and any kid for that matter) SHOULD be able to choose who their mom/dad/parent is if their birth parent(s) don't provide for you the way a parent should. I think that is a SUPER important lesson for Kids AND parents to hear. You choose your own family if that’s what it comes down to, and there is NO shame in that. 

That being said, i do have my issues with some things too- this might seem small, but I never liked how when we’re in the Husk, and Raven and Spider are talking to one another about who’s “really” at fault, and eventually Raven goes “oh what have i done?” and Spider just goes “.... Yea were were BOTH really bad huh?” Like.... listen, sure, Raven probably shouldn’t have locked Cob away for eternity and stole his chaos heart in order to reform the spiral, BUT imma be real with y’all... Spider also did shit to aggravate Raven- specifically, he messed with her kids into a fucking war. I mean this half sarcastically, but tbh, if you mess with a mother’s kids... that's fucking on you man, you know the grave your digging for yourself on that one lmao.

But more seriously- i feel like they REALLY tried to make Raven out to be “worse” than Spider, and having Spider just beguile her with his words at the end in a way were she ended up being like “oh nooo IM the really bad one, oh no oh noo :((” JUST for him to be like “no its ok babe :) we’re BOTH equally as bad, stay here with me and we can be bad and alone together :)”

Actually now that i write that out, it is a little.. weird that Spider kinda got what he wanted- to be with Raven, when imo, they really should have STAYED split. I don’t come from a divorced family, but I’ve many friends who do, and I’ve gathered that more often than not... divorce can be a good thing, as it is likely to stop/lessen the conflict within families. I think that yea, they both did bad things to one another, and need to stay apart, not spend the rest of eternity together.

That’s probably my biggest qualm with the entirety of Arc 3, beyond the various obvious one, which is that Morganthe played like, absolutely no part in it lmao. I’ve talked endlessly about it, so i won’t repeat myself too much lol. 

Just to briefly reiterate- i think that Morganthe, the one who re-discovered shadow magic, was groomed by the Shadow Magi, and very blatantly infused with something akin to the conversion tables we see in Khrysalis, I think she would have been an invaluable source of information and help for the Wizard. Not only does she probably know the most about Shadow Magic outside of Spider, but it’s insanely alluded to that she was under his control- perhaps even had contact or conversation with him somehow in her time as Shadow queen.

The biggest frustration of her lack of presence though, comes from the way Khrysalis built up this INSANELY interesting Foil between the Wizard and her. The way that they both weirdly fit the prophecy, the way their lead into The Hive was so eerily mirrored, the fact that we were both called the Children of Light and Shadow by Spider, and not to even mention how the shared feelings of loneliness and fear of failure as students of Ambrose... like I could go on about these two and how amazing it would have been for them both to work together in arc 3, but also help heal and grow as The Children of Light and Shadow... but that’s not what we got unfortunately. 

Anywho, i don’t wanna ramble on about that too much because i touched on it in another ask post and you can look at that if ya want in my tag, but yea! Those are my general thoughts on Arc 3. Again, i love this arc, i think it truly has some of the most nuanced writing and characters thus far in the game. 

Besides, i always think they could easily write in Morganthe’s return for a redemption with the wizard, especially now with the Wizard seemingly trying to fight their own shadows.

Hope that satisfied your question though, and good luck with your writings :D

[herrwagner]

[Hi there! So, I've really been enjoying your long-term corruption arc on Krakoa with Dis/goreverine. Any spoilers or thoughts you're willing to share about that? No pressure! I'm really on board with Krakoa taking a dive into the horror genre because it's seriously just begging to be written.]

Hi! I would answer this privately but I know for a fact there are more people that wanna know, so I hope you don’t mind x: But that said let’s do a lil deep dive!

And a small disclaimer like this all very much a work in progress, it is all very dynamic and can be changed when things more fitting are figured out and so on. It’s a thing. 

Also this can you know... contain triggers so it will be under a cut for safety’s sake! Also it’s gonna be looong.

So first things first: I am so happy you like it and sent this! Truly over the moon so like thank you so so much for letting me go off an ramble. I will probably be enjoy this more than anyone else so let’s go!

It’s not so much corruption as it is just letting base instincts be a more prominent part of things. The whole embrace your nature aspect is very big on Krakoa, and I don’t see that lessening over the years. For Kurt, being of Neyaphem decent. that very much comes down to embracing a more demonic side that he has been pushing hard to keep away from himself up until now. 

Before Krakoa Kurt has made a very big point of not associating with Azazel more than he has to, and that includes denying a lot of himself, a lot of his heritage. simply to easier handle who he himself is as a person. Getting to Krakoa is like getting force feed with having to dive deep and embrace it whether he likes it or not. 

It looks a lot like Kurt may well be spiraling because of getting there, but it started slowly already when he gave up his immortal soul. Krakoa is just a fair ground where he can explore it and adapt without judgment, which honestly is what’s been holding him back the most the whole time. Wanting to fit in is so important to Kurt, and being as different as he is makes fitting in pretty damn hard. So while getting to Krakoa is a culture shock in a sense it is also very reliving and helpful.

Then we have the whole rebirth aspect. Since you basically get reborn as soon as you’ve been confirmed as dead on Krakoa, it is a pretty big part of how they live. Death doesn’t have the consequence it did before and all that. The interesting part to remember is how canon stated that each rebirth furthers a mutation slightly ( about 4 % on Krakoa, and a lot more on Arakko ). 

Because Kurt’s mutation is a very visual kind it shows very clearly on him how that affects him. Most obviously it shows in his appearance. How it over time change his features, fur getting a slightly different texture, the nails becoming more like claws, the teeth getting a lot bigger, his eyes going from reflecting like ( like that on a feline ) to actually glowing with hellfire, starting to grow horns, etc. The list is very long and it’s just small subtle shift for each rebirth, but over the years there are a lot of rebirths which means a lot of change.

I specifically hc that Kurt has two deaths and ultimately two rebirths happening from Arakko which means he has two instances of very very big changes. Those are the times you basically trade a kitten for a panther in changes. 20 years into it, some Krakoa rebirth and the two from Arakko. and Kurt looks very different. He’s gotten taller with about two inches. He has a lot sharper angles to his face and whole body structure. The claws are full out claws, like you can’t mistake those for nails anymore. There is an ever present scent of sulfur about him, like it seems to come from inside him. Looking him in the eye and his eyes look like they are burning on the inside. He grows large ram like horns, they’re not perfectly symmetrical but it really lends itself well to the whole aesthetic Kurt is going for by then.

So that is all that looks go. Now the mutation as far as abilities goes this is interesting and something I haven’t thought too much about. But either way Kurt will never get his immortal soul back, meaning he is very HARD to kill. He’s pretty much close to immortal, meaning the times he has died and been reborn it’s been pretty extreme circumstances. The teleportation isn’t as limited anymore, and cross dimension teleportation isn’t even hard to manage by then. just to give you an idea of what I’ve been thinking for it.

Now Kurt himself as a person hasn’t change all that much, funnily enough. He is still very kind, he will listen to anyone and be there for them. None of this is different. The difference is that the social structure of how Krakoa works is something Kurt has evolved with. He has a lot of patience, yes. but in the right company he has no patience because that is how certain groups have structured their social standards. In some groups violence speaks louder, and Kurt will take part in it. He is embracing all parts of Krakoa, because it is very much part of his job as spiritual leader and High Priest.

What he didn’t plan on is this part that enjoy the most; Kurt certainly sat out on the mission of figuring out how religion could still fit in to society of Krakoa. He isn’t the only one to leave his religion behind in the human world, and needed something else to help find a steadier footing in this new world. He was however not planning on accidentally becoming a central figure of this new “religion” and some kind of semi mortal manifestation of divinity to mutant kind.

Yes I’m talking about Kurt basically becoming mutant kinds Jesus, and it only happened because people listened to him. I imagine that at first Kurt is just one of many people talking about religion and the spiritual differences the Krakoan way of living is compared to that outside of it. But it slowly evolves from him being one of them, to them putting him on a pedestal he has no idea of how to get down from, and it is spiraling quickly. So instead fighting it Kurt is embracing it and doing as best he can by those that look to him for answers and guidance.

Looking to religions they left behind he has a lot of similarities to both Jesus and Lucifer, which is easily transferred to the new belief to have him as a “missing link” between the divine and the mortal. Kurt is well aware he is by no means a deity or any kind of Devine figure. But if people need him to be a saint, a messiah, a leader... he damn well will be the best one he can for their sake. He won’t abandon them, and it also gives him something to care for, something to belong in and feel like he is meant to do. He is in short happy to do it.

Because of how elevated he becomes because of this, aka with how people view him and ultimately treat him he is basically becoming a cult leader in a sense, for lack of better term. He will touch those that feel like it will help them in whatever way. He will hear them, see them, speak to them. He is devoted to be what they need him to be.

Now as far as that looks is interesting, and I am glad you asked. Once Kurt starts growing horns they don’t stop growing, however they have to start from zero each time he is reborn. Which means for weeks he is walking around with a bleeding head as the horns have to come out. The blood from this is generally viewed as a blessing to somehow get, much like all of Kurt’s blood but this is more like a ceremony to be worthy of getting in on if you will. He can bleed pretty heavily and has at times been blinded by his own blood getting in his eyes. 

Once the bleeding stop it’s another whole ceremony of carving the horns with their new holy symbols. Generally Daken ( @goreverine ) helps with this as the knife used for it is made from one of Daken’s claws. The horns does bleed during this but it doesn’t hurt Kurt. Most commonly he also has two or three trinkets hanging from one of the horns when they’re done.

On accident Daken also managed to impale Kurt’s hands on his claws ( yes they had sex, yes Kurt asked for it, and no neither one considered the consequences ). And yes this escalated even more the view people had of Kurt as a holy figure as now it was like seeing him being Christ with the wounds in his palms. There are a lot of similar things going, that can very logically be explained. But you try to be logical to a group of people that want a Devine explanation and want to run with it. Kurt as simply stopped trying to explain and just let them do their own assumptions of what he is and looks like. Wounds included.

So uhm... this got long but hi ask away c: I love to talk about this

[dxmedstudent]

i'm 20 and i'm worried about how overly fussy i am with dating men. i do think it's a maturity thing and i'm still trying to outgrow the ridiculous expectations i have for a boyfriend but i always seem to get bored of the guys i've talked to/dated. idk why but guys that show vulnerability make me uncomfortable?? i think it's the ideas i hold about 'masculinity' and i don't want to think like that anymore. any tips to move past this way of thinking?

Hey, friend. What an interesting ask, thank you for writing in. I‘m going to treat you with a rambling post, but I’ll  try to break it up so that it’s less boring. Don’t be hard on yourself; you’re still learning what you want and need. You’re still really young, and what you want in a partner can change a lot as you yourself grow as a person. What might help is if you reflect on what you actually want. Firstly, what are you actually seeing a person for? There’s an assumption that everyone wants a longterm relationship which leads to marriage, kids, a mortgage and a dog. But not everyone wants that or is ready to even think about that. So you do you. Do you want just to date to have fun? Or a casual relationship? What about FWB? Just sex?  A longterm relationship? Kids and a house? Or just to muddle along and see what happens? Because I think a lot of ourselves don’t really think enough about just what we expect out of seeing people. It’s OK if this changes; lots of people start off wanting to be casual, but get serious, or think they want something serious but realise that they don’t. The key is to be open to reflecting on what, right now, will make you happy. And if you even want to be dating at all. It’s OK if the answer is ‘no’, or if you don’t want what everyone else wants for you. The best way to find someone you really want is to not be afraid of being alone. I wonder if you might get bored partly because you’re not sure what you want out of dating; a lot of young people don’t necessarily want a long term relationship or to plan too far ahead, and that’s OK, too. Young people are under a lot of pressure to date, have sex and eventually get married and have kids, but a lot of people just don’t feel ready for that, or might not want that at all. Women, in particular are bombarded messages about how miserable it is to be single, and how we need a man and kids to make us complete. A lot of that pressure can come from other women as well as parents and friends. But not all women feel ready for that, or want that, and pressuring ourselves to rush into relationships can lead to unhappiness because people feel they need to have ‘someone’ for the sake of not being single. I’ve seen people put up with relationships that looked pretty unsatisfying from the start, and I always wondered how much of that was the fear of being alone, of being unloved and of being seen to be single. Perhaps take time out of dating to reflect on who you are right now, and what you want out of life. Not just out of dating, but also out of life in general. Look after the whole of your life, and work towards the things that will give you happiness. Make sure you have a life outside of dating; there are no guarantees any relationship will work out, and anyhow, life is more than just romance. If talking to a guy isn’t interesting or exciting, don’t keep dating him; you have to really want to keep seeing someone for it to work. It sounds like you know that, which is why you’re trying to change your way of thinking, and I really respect the thought you’ve put into what’s not been working for you. That’s actually pretty mature, so  don’t be harsh on yourself.

Men are people, too. It’s hard to tell if your dates start out really promising and you then get bored, or if perhaps it was hard to be enthusiastic to begin with? Though if you find your enthusiasm for them wearing off, it sounds like it might very much relate to your expectations for masculinity. When you get to know a man, and he starts to be more open and vulnerable with you, that goes against what we’re taught about masculinity. We’re told that guys are meant to be tough, silent logical and unemotional. But you and I know that men are people with feelings just like anyone else. People who are moved deeply, who have complex feelings and their own fears and hopes and issues. Society may view women as weak for having emotions, but it at least allows us to express them (even if it does mock us for them anyway); men are under pressure to hold back and keep everything they feel to themselves lest they are seen as weak, and well, feminine. This isn’t very healthy for guys, and I think you’re right to point out that we as women can also enforce unfair standards if we insult men for showing vulnerability. In turn, men will tend to find it harder to open up to friends and family, and are more likely to perhaps rely on only their partner, if they rely on anyone at all, because there are few contexts in which men are allowed to express their feelings.

Get him off that pedestal. Try to reframe how you see the concept of a date or boyfriend. I know that when you first start seeing someone they are shiny and new and seem to be amazing, but also really mysterious. When you start seeing someone, it’s hard not to get ahead of oneself because there’s actually very little we know about them. But putting them on a pedestal will ultimately make it difficult to have an equal relationship with them as a real person.  A guy is just a guy; no different from your male friend or brother or father or male colleague, they will just occupy a different place in your life. We get bombarded with a lot of ideals about what a romantic partner should be like, but really, in the end they are just another person; merely a really good friend you fancy the pants off, rather than a creature we should keep to a higher standard than all other humans. It wouldn’t surprise you that your friends have feelings and are sometimes vulnerable. Think about what it is about vulnerability that makes you feel uncomfortable, but also about what that discomfort is. Is it that you feel it makes them weak? Perhaps it’s a bit scary to see someone you admire with weaknesses or being sad? Perhaps it makes you uncomfortable because you yourself don’t like opening up- there could be many reasons. What do we even want in a partner, anyway? Then you need to think about what you want in a partner, and whether your expectations are what you really want, or are right for you. There are things that are non-negotiable, ideally, this list should be as short and sensible as possible, because it rules out a lot of people. The more things that are non-negotiable, the harder it might be to find someone to meet your criteria. My thoughts on this are basically: I want to find a decent person who I really gel with and who I can build a life with. If I focus on things like how tall or chubby (etc) they are, it’ll rule out lots of perfectly nice people who might be just right, on really arbitrary grounds. That said, we ALL have non-negotiable criteria, even if they are something like ‘is respectful’ and ‘100% understands consent’. I’m just a believer in making sure those criteria truly matter.  And there are things that are nice but not essential. For example, liking the same band, or having the same hobby; you would probably want someone you were seeing to have stuff in common with you in general, but not all your interests would have to line up. You don’t mention what your expectations are, but you can try to remind yourself that most qualities are seasoning; added extras. It might be nice if you like the same band, or the same game, but it’s by no means essential. Types are for blood, not people. I’ve always been a bit wary of the idea of a ‘type’; it feels like limiting yourself to a narrow set of attributes that might be charming, but honestly? lots of people who are different than that can also be perfectly nice and might also be good for you. I’m not a massive crush person, I don’t fall for many people at all, which makes dating even more like looking for a needle in a haystack. But the people I’ve liked have been pretty varied; they aren’t linked by ethnicity or weight or height or particular interests and I guess what I liked about them all was a little different. I just don’t see how some people can say ‘I only like blondes’ or ‘only muscly guys turn me on’, like there are so many cute things about people out there in the world, are you really going to tell me that if someone doesn’t have blue eyes or big boobs, ripped abs, lots of cash or a flash car etc that you wouldn’t find them attractive!? Because half of liking someone is finding little dorky things about them that might not even be remotely conventionally attractive and realising that it makes them kind of cute. Regardless, the real problem with types is that they can sometimes be a way of reliving familiar but ultimately unhelpful ground. Some of my friends really do have ‘types’, and it makes me worry for them, because they keep coming across similar problems in their relationships again and again and I can’t help but feel that it might be because they are picking people with similar kinds of issues, and come up against the same wall as last time. I think examining what we’re attracted to, and what that says about ourselves, and how compatible that combination is with our actual happiness is pretty important, and that’s only something we can et through practice and learning from previous relationships alon the way. There’s no shame in things not working out in the past; it helps us do better next time around. This isn’t to say that it’s wrong to be attracted to something, but some things can be unhealthy, and attraction to something doesn’t necessarily mean there’s compatibility, either. We can be attracted to people with qualities that bring out the best in us, or bring out the worst; our attraction to something doesn’t guarantee that it works for us. What each person needs to do is work out the things that attract them which are good for them, or work on their self until what attracts them is good for them because they are in a much healthier state mentally and in their life.  We all have issues; we all have different ways of thinking, and ways in which our past affects who we are. We all have hurts, and different  ways in which we react to situations. Accepting that we’re human, and that interpersional relationships can be hard (and therefore require thought and work) means that we can work on understanding ourselves and the people who are in our lives. Utimately, in the long term, we all need people who can bring out the best in us, but who don’t bring out our worst qualities or insecurities. Good luck, and I hope you find what you’re looking for :D

[kaylainbloom]

I can't get over him and I've followed you over the last few years. Men do you so dirty and you bounce back. How do you do it? How do you heal? How do I get where you are? (You can make this public)

To start, thank you for coming to me. You could’ve reached out to anyone anywhere and asking me was a really big step. 

First off…you’re right, men have done me really dirty. I could probably write a book about the things that have happened to me and more things have happened to me than a lot of my friends. All that to say, I wrote a lot of this stuff in the height of emotion. Yes these things were bad, and yes I felt them deeply but just to be clear I was writing in the moment. That pain that you’re reading is fresh wounds and I use writing to heal.

Secondly, I was able to heal because of me. I have a very romanticized view of love. I believe in soulmates, dating your best friend, and sweeping declarations. I believe in long talks about your feelings and being there for someone in the good times but most importantly the bad. I believe in being a literal ride or die for your partner and help them grow to the maximum potential that God has planned for them. I believe in life partners but not everyone thinks the way I do. 

Thirdly, after breaking up with people I step back and look at the relationship, what went wrong, why did it end, how did it end, what about this person didn't I like, what didn’t I like about myself? These questions for me have been instrumental in my healing process because it makes me realize that they were not my person. This level of self-reflection has been key for me. My super romanticized view of love has caused me to believe that there is truly someone out there for me that will hit all my boxes and make me the person that I am supposed to be. If we broke up it had to be for a reason and I choose to view these reasons as learning experiences, which in hand, helps me ‘get over’ someone. Because how can you be for someone that isn’t for you?

Fourthly, that is all extremely logical thinking lol I recognize that. It’s easy to talk about getting over someone and very difficult to actually do so. I remember the nights of crying myself to sleep, tearing up during an exam, walking out of class, sitting my bare ass on the shower floor and using the sound of water to cover my tears. I remember begging people not to leave me, yelling at them for hurting me, lowering my standards and compromising myself in order to keep a man around that treated me way below the threshold that I deserved to be treated. I’m smart as hell, I'm really pretty, my soul is kind, and I love with all my heart. I had so much to offer and I still let men treat me like someone who was disposable. I am indisposable. The second you realize that the easier getting over someone is.

To sum up my little essay, I am able to get over people, move on from my traumatic experiences and date again simply because I believe that there is a better person out there for me. I recognize the part that I played in the demise of my relationship and where the other person’s faults lie. I use it as a tool for the type of man I do want to ultimately find. I also want to take this time to say that even if I never had a man walk into my life ever again and I was single until the day I was called home, I would be content. Being with/finding someone is not the goal. I want to live this amazing life that I know the Lord has planned for me and if I am blessed enough for someone to join me on this journey, so be it, if not I’ll continue to focus on my life, family, and career. Getting over someone is easier when your life is full without a partner.

To be completely transparent I have gotten my heart broken recently. Last week to be exact and all of my tools and strategies that usually work, don’t seem to be working right now. I found the faults in this man, I found the faults within myself, I found the faults in our ‘relationship’ and here I am still loving him. So now I’ve learned a new tool. It is okay to not be “over” somebody. He didn’t do me dirty, I didn’t do him dirty, sometimes things just don’t work out and when things just ‘don’t work out’, channel that energy into something positive. Distract yourself. Cut the person off for a bit. Focus on you until YOU’RE in the right headspace. Before you know it those feelings will begin to dissipate, and if they don’t, recognize that those feelings may always be there but that doesn’t mean you can’t feel them again for someone else. One important thing to remember is, never let the other person capitalize off of these feelings. Stand strong in who you are and never ever settle. You are worth your standard and more.

I really hope this helped and that my ramblings didn’t go on for too long..Happy budding and blooming anon,

Kayla