#because this is how ive developed and thats ok. i am loved

[kkoct-ik]

guy who broke the dissociative identity news to another of his irls and it was surprisingly painless (i always underestimate how understanding people can be)

[courfee]

just went through all my ao3 fics and edited all the tags because i feel like i overtag a lot and it always bothered me. tbf the most overtagging happens in my relationship/character tags but i find it super difficult to judge who/which relationship is important. like friendships are So Important in my fics i dont feel like i cant tag less there? especially my longer fics. amtc james&sirius and black brothers are in my mind at least if not more important than literally amtc jegulus. i know its a jegulus fic but also jegulus is just the catalyst for other relationship dynamics. how do you tag that stuff

[heuldoch7b]

while i was gone, i was deeply contemplative about part of what made me take a hiatus in the first place, which is shame. long post forewarning

growing up on the internet (i was 10 when i started using the internet, back in 2010-11) and something i was (and frankly, still am) constantly exposed to was shaming others. ranging from "light hearted" shaming; this ranged from poking fun at an amateur artists work for it looking funny or it being super "tumblry" to shaming with the guise of social justice, you know "hey this artist draws X and thats BAD and if you support them youre JUST AS BAD".

when i was younger i poked fun at other artists and engaged in cancel culture, on a very small scale (just my friends and i) and i regret it. it was entirely due to my own low self esteem and peojecting fear of being made fun of myself. but ive retained that fear, even as i've matured and grown to understand how unkind it is to shame and mock others, ESPECIALLY as myself a weird, autistic artist who draws "cringe but free" stuff

and even with regards to problematic content, stuff that, reasonably more often than not, ellicits a "yuck" reaction out of most viewers, has turned more into a genuine social risk of getting a callout over being immoral or gross and losing your social circles and delving into isolation. this happened to me. i think it genuinely messed me up, and im dealing with it even now.

it has lead me to be avoidant of being honest about what i like, and being afraid of befriending others due to fear of being dropped again. this is of course not fair to you, potential reader, but unfair to myself as well. i want to develop a healthier respect for my friends as well as myself about what i do and dont like, and not feeling guilty for saying no or not liking something.

i think, as i remake my old pinned post, i am going to be more explicit on stuff, i like shipping the primarchs! i love it very much even. and if you do not thats absolutely A-OK. i like drawing the dismal warcriminals as genderweird. i like maybe skirting away from how chronically cynical and dour the universe (which i do still enjoy, im into warhammer FOR warhammer) and making silly, comfy stuff. fuck i LOVE drawing weird heroic nudity mythological scenes where some characters are like, centaurs, cause its sick as fuck.

and with all that i myself need to be okay with maybe people who i enjoy their work of dont really jive with all that, and that isnt the end of the world, its just being honest with oneself, and thats really important to do. i will be trying to maybe tag sensitive stuff like primarchcest better, so people can filter it out, but i am not gonna be hypervigilant about tagging everything because that would make me neurotic and id rather just be unfollowed or blocked at that point.

anywho, i really just wanted to put my thoughts down into words and share them, i honestly wrote this out and deleted it like 3 times already due to, hilariously, shame. but this is a really important topic to me and extremely relevant to my social presence on this website. i care for you all immensely, even if we are all strangers online.

i will be sad if i lose potential friendships over the things i like, but theres literally thousands of people if not more on this website, and it so fine and healthy to go like "eh no i dont want that in my life" to something like someones specific fuckin fandom art LOL

if any of you want to talk to me about your experiences with shame, id welcome it, may it be through a reblog or messaging me personally. i think its really important for all of us to be unashamed, mindful of course, but not stifling ourselves. be free have fun type stuff. i hope i can drop my own shackles too. thanks for reading

[tls12lessthan3]

feel free to ignore this but ive dealt with similar struggles of finding fanfic that isnt ooc when it comes to dokja and joonghyuk, which is a shame because i find their canon relationship so compelling. do you have any recs?

ok i don't have a ton of recommendations because like i said i find most of their fic boring at best and repulsive at worst so i don't bother to comb through it often. also i am first and foremost a yoohankimer so i mainly consume that content. that being said im honoured you trust my taste and i'll offer you what i can from my bookmarks

where there's smoke is a fun fantasy au where yoo joonghyuk and kim dokja are thrust together in a comedic quest to take revenge on the wicked witch han sooyoung. made me giggle a lot

i am the dreadful need (and the devotee) is technically a yoohankim fic but its mostly a joonghyuk character study with special attention paid to his relationship with kim dokja. i thought it captured him well

no rainbow, it’s raining skulls is by one of my dear mutuals and while it is only starting out and kim dokja hasn't interacted much with yoo joonghyuk yet its got a really fun premise and i can't wait to see how their relationship develops

world's end rhapsody a classic. post epilogue fic that i always enjoy

I Will Find You Under The Joseon Moon ongoing au where instead of the kaizenix arc kim dokja and yoo joonghyuk are thrust into Korea's past and have to find each other - without their memories. honestly i was debating on whether to include this one because its not usually my type of fic but i really loved some of the prose and i think they do a good job of selling the premise to me

none of these are very romance centric ;-; cause thats just not what i read very often but they all have joongdok in them so. hopefully you find them pretty alright

[redishsunflowers]

tbh I'm kind of disappointed by the finale, or more like the whole of season two in general.

i think if they couldve had three seasons (idk if it was their choice or not tho) it wouldve been perfect but alas.

first off i dont like that they discarded the whole political side of the show, that was one of the biggest reasons i fell for it, because of the obvious discourse on class differences. but i truly am not that knowledgable on that kind of stuff so if you want more criticism for that part there are definitely a lot of ppl who are giving it.

the biggest thing i couldnt get over is just how chaotic everything was, and it wasnt in a good way. everything happened soo fast, thats why i think 3 seasons wouldve been perfect. i just felt like i knew what was happening in the first season but in the second there were so many time skips and people ive never met before and it was disorienting. it severely took me out of it. i think act 1 was definitely like this a lot, act 2 wasnt so bad tho and im not sure on how i feel abt act 3 yet, that opinion is still developing lol.

another huge criticism i have for season 2 is that we barely get to see vi simply as a character. we see her a bunch, sure, but we see her going on mission after mission immediately and without much exploration of how she is dealing with everything. we get a couple minute montage then boom right back to mission mission mission. i think this started in act 2 and continued through act 3 because act 1 definitely showed her emotions well, while still having her actively on a mission. im definitely comparing her scenes to jinx's and i do understand that jinx is definitely the main character so its not totally fair, but season 1 balanced them so well. it balanced showing vi's character building with jinx's, as well as balancing vi's character building with her mission at hand. it was just slightly (very) disappointing to see her seemingly be put on the back burner. i love jinx so much and i love seeing her and her character building but if they could balance it so well last season, i don't understand why they couldn't have this season.

the last thing i felt a bit sad over was caitvi and their relationship but im gonns talk abt that in a different post teehee ok bye 👋

[tojiscrack]

WIFEYYYYY IMY

i legit have been so proud of myself lately bc i havent been talking to shitbag almost at all. i even waited in my car until he walked up to school bc we both pulled into the lot at the same time and i didnt want him to talk to me!

'i HAD to implement dadjo in the series bc as much as his relationship with the characters in canon was more like a fun older brother looking out for his students, he’s so father coded, specifically during the exchange event in s1 of jjk'

I AM SO HAPPY FOR THIS!!! I LOVE DADJO HCS

'HELP HE’S JUST A GUY WITH A CRUSH 😭'

so was shit bag 💔

but i have decided that if y/n and kamo get tgth and then y/n realizes her true feelings for megumi and breaks up w kamo, i will forgive you. barely.

'girl any more of the y/n criticism from you and i’m gonna start to think you hate our poor mc 🫵🏽😟🫷🏽'

listen. i dont haaaaaate her... yet.

she just gives me SO MUCH SECOND HAND EMBARASSMENT. LIKE HOLY MOLY THIS IS BAD.

'now with that threat, i humbly remind you of the ‘angst’ tag 🌝 no comment on anything after that'

"MERCUPINE IS CANON!" i thrash against my strait jacket as they throw me into the room with the padded walls.

'but unfortunately, at some point from here and up until june, there are gonna be super slow updates :( i’ll address that another time tho! <3'

AWWW DAMNNNN. i hope everything is okay pookie bear 🙏

yk i havent been this in love with a fic since like 2022 when i found a 500k word bakugo fanfic that was literally written like a novel. AND URS IS EXACTLY LIKE IT BRO.

like writer to writer- your exposition is INSANE. being able to develop their friendship when they're only like 5 or so is so cool to me because the initial friendship development is something i struggle with lowk....

BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PLS DONT DIE

'i am (unfortunately) a very picky eater. and i hate peanut butter ☹️'

STAY WITH ME. STAY WITH ME.

this is why we use unsweetened peanut butter protein powder. because, you can make it whatever texture u want and the peanut taste is toned down. and it adds protein to ur meal so u can be buff. (i am a gym bro)

'ik you mention that you guys have mutual friends and are in several gc’s tgth, so maybe blocking him is just not possible here, but giving him clipped responses when he texted and declining face-times is very much possible, i believe'

YEAHHH THATS WHAT IVE BEEN DOING THE PAST FEW DAYS LOL

he doesn't ft me tho which is great. he just sends me tiktoks that i respond to 23 hrs later so he doesn't bitch ab me losing our streak LMAO

'but make sure they’re very simple responses, nothing he can use as an opportunity to build on.'

yeah thats my move rn

'hmmm, this tells me a lot about him already 💀 i’m sorry kay, i do NOT like this imposter who-entered-earth-without-a-visa 😐'

YEAH BRO IDK HOW I EVEN LIKED HIM

like the past few days, the rose tined glasses have been lifted. esp bc one of our mutual friends gave him a kanye west american flag and he keeps posing with it everywhere.

liking kanye is embarassing enough idk why he's doing this too.

it reminds me of the time he trapped me in his car and made me listen to his explanation on why kanye west wasn't a bad guy.

'HAHAHA 😭 i’m dead serious. i don’t like that guy. i even feel like ‘shitbag’ as a name for him is a compliment, if anything.'

lowk ur so right

'do not compare our respectful-nonchalant-dreadhead-kamo to that bin-juice-of-a-human-being-SHITBAG. EVER 🤢'

I MEANT THE WAY WE REACT TO THEM LMAOAOAOAOAO

'did i forget to mention that i DETEST shitbag with my whole entire being?'

no i dont think u mentioned it 🤔🤔🤔

'CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT 🥳 WE LOVE TO SEE IT'

YES MAAAAM

'ok good, you’re not longer texting that unique-breed-of-human-kind, got my first point out of the way real quick. don’t ever text him unless he texts you'

YEPPP

'secondly, niceguy’s available. probably the only thing i agree with shitbag with. you should get with niceguy :)'

okay yeah but like even if im not that close friends w his ex-gf, we're still friends...

and our grade literally has 80 ppl in it so i would rather not do her dirty like that bc she WILL know

and we used to be rlly good friends in middle school

i snap him tho bc we are in fact still friends even if he dated my friend- i mean we have literally known each other for 10 yrs LMAO

'marry fictional men and die in love with them'

i think this is a very good plan. i am currently writing iwaizumi fanfiction bc iwaizumi haijime (27) athletic trainer is all i need rn!

lowk this fic was inspired by liar liar in the sense that i took inspo from how u have it start when they're younger / preshow. i had it start in their first yr so i can develop their friendship before they go straight into love. (i'm ur biggest fan btw)

'i’m not aware of it. even when i looked it up, i was a little confused haha.'

oh my god it's literally like the dumbest cringest game ever but i love it so much. it's an otome dating sim game and it's so nostalgic to me bc i used to play it when i was like 13.

but it's fucked up my sleep schedule bc part of the game is that u have to play the chatrooms before the next one unlocks or the previous one will lock and u have to pay (in game cash) to play it afterwards.

so i have a schedule.

i stay up til 1:52 to play the 1:48 chatroom and then i sleep, wake up at 6:50 for school, play the 3ish AM chatroom before the 8AM chatroom unlocks, and then go to school, play the 8AM chatroom, and continue playing the chatrooms throughout the day.

now let me show u the cringey ass messages these characters send and the cringey ass messages im forced to send (i have to pick through a few options).

LIKE THIS IS SO CRINGE.... BUT I AM FREE.

'but i am super glad you are starting to find enjoyable things to look back on that take you away from the negative doom-cloud that is shitbag! 😙 idek you irl but that genuinely makes me so happy for youuuu <3'

AWWWWWW ILYSM

'i’m living vicariously through you, honestly 😭'

AWWWWW

'THEY CAN STILL BE LONG, I LOVE HEARING ABOUT UR DAY AND STUFF AND GETTING TO KNOW YOU, but i’m glad shitbag will no longer be the centre of our conversations'

okay so lets kiss pls and ty

also have u heard the epic the musical concept album at all? like that one tiktok audio that's like 'i would fall in love with you over and over again'.

bc it's taken over my fyp w emo ass edits and my friends are SICK OF ME

too many satosugu edits w this audio and i'm gonna kms pls and ty

OKAYYYY THAT IS IT FOR TODAY'S UPDATE! I HOPE UR DAY IS AMAZING POOKIE BEAR <3

HELLO AGAIN!! <333

‘i legit have been so proud of myself lately bc i havent been talking to shitbag almost at all’ — I’M SO PROUD OF YOU TOO WHATTT 😭😫 i’m now at ease, we haven’t lost another one of our gorgeous girlies to the m*le species, thank the lord 😤

‘(…) and i didnt want him to talk to me!’ — YEEEESSSS, we’ve made it to that point! 🥳 today is a good day 😌

‘I LOVE DADJO HCS’ — me too 😋 it’s a shame gege didn’t implement this more in canon-jjk, but it is what it is, ig

‘so was shit bag 💔’ — NUH UH 🤨 shitbag is not just a guy with a crush he’s not even a guy at all, that’s an undiscovered breed right there , he’s someone who treats both the girls he likes AND dislikes like dog shit, and i’m not having it 😐

‘if y/n and kamo get tgth and then y/n realises her true feelings for megumi and breaks up w kamo, i will forgive you. barely’ — 🫣 we shall see… 👀

‘listen. i dont haaaaaate her... yet’ — free my poor mc from the shackles of ur scepticism 🤛🏽😔🤜🏽

‘she just gives me SO MUCH SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT’ — you think SHE gives you second hand embarrassment? 😧 girlypops, try reading my levi fic (don’t, actually, i’m just using this as an example haha) , y/n over there is unhinged to the point where second hand embarrassment is literally her middle name 😭

‘"MERCUPINE IS CANON!" i thrash against my strait jacket as they throw me into the room with the padded walls’ — LMAOOOO 😭 DKMMM 💀 technically they are canon (the story is centred around them), and even as the author who could potentially go for the bittersweet type of ending where they don’t end up together, i can easily say (with confidence) that they have a shit ton more chemistry than mermaid and kamotionless 😊

but we'll see how everything goes!

‘AWWW DAMNNNN. i hope everything is okay pookie bear 🙏' — well... i revealed why i had concerns about my (already ass) updating schedule now 👀 ik this ask was sent in a few days before my announcement last night, so ofc you couldn't have known when you sent this in. but now you do! and i appreciate ur support SOOO much. i swear, you have no idea <3

i also responded quite late to this ask 'cause it's quite long, and i like to address every single thing in longer asks so im not purposely missing anything out and then come across as dry haha 🥴

'yk i havent been this in love with a fic since like 2022 when i found a 500k word bakugo fanfic that was literally written like a novel. AND URS IS EXACTLY LIKE IT BRO' — 🥹🥹🥹

ik a lot of ppl complain about long fics, but i can’t help but love them (especially when i’m in the comfort of my own room just reading as i go with all the lights off, no school the next day, no alarm set, etc).

and this… coming my story to a novel? 😩

i’m so unbelievably flattered rn, like i want to grab you through the screen and i can’t ☹️

‘like writer to writer- your exposition is INSANE. being able to develop their friendship when they're only like 5 or so is so cool to me because the initial friendship development is something i struggle with lowk...’ — UGH, STOP IT, MY HEART CAN’T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS 😫🩵🩵🩵

MY BPM IS HIGHER THAN NORMAL RN AND I HAVEN’T EVEN EXERCISED TODAY ❤️‍🔥

wishing i was shakespeare rn so i can give you the most poetic response that isn’t just ‘i’m so flattered’, ‘stoppp’, ‘ilysm moreee’, etc. the problem is that i’m always at a loss for words ‘cause of the range of compliments you offer 😭💕

‘STAY WITH ME. STAY WITH ME’ — 🙁 … ☹️ … 🌬️🏃🏽‍♀️‍➡️…🚪

‘this is why we use unsweetened peanut butter protein powder. because, you can make it whatever texture u want and the peanut taste is toned down. and it adds protein to ur meal so u can be buff’ — maybe i’ll try it 😳 i’ve yet to find a protein powder brand that doesn’t make me shit myself + give me acne, but we’ll see! i don’t have really high hopes tho (i’m a picky eater 😔)

‘like the past few days, the rose tined glasses have been lifted’ — the more i read this ask, the more i smile 😋

‘it reminds me of the time he trapped me in his car and made me listen to his explanation on why kanye west wasn't a bad guy’ — UMM?? THAT’S ASSAULT?? HELLO? 😭

ARE YOU OK? NEED A LAWYER? I’M STUDYING LAW, I GOT YOU 😟

‘I MEANT THE WAY WE REACT TO THEM LMAOAOAOAOAO’ — THANK GOD 😔

‘and our grade literally has 80 ppl in it so i would rather not do her dirty like that bc she WILL know. and we used to be rily good friends in middle school’ — mmm, yeah, so maybe not niceguy either. back to the fictional men plan then! (until someone new comes along and meets our high standards for you!) 😋

‘i think this is a very good plan. i am currently writing iwaizumi fanfiction bc iwaizumi haijime (27) athletic trainer is all i need rn!’ — WAIT WAIT WAIT, iwaizumi hajime from haikyuu? LMAO WAIT, I THOUGHT YOU’D BE INTO KAGEYAMA OR SMTH? 😭

HAHAHA I’M DYING, HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS COMING?

‘lowk this fic was inspired by liar liar in the sense that i took inspo from how u have it start when they're younger / preshow. i had it start in their first yr so i can develop their friendship before they go straight into love’ — 😳

a lot of my ao3 readers would tell me that i inspired them to write fics and stuff, but they never tell me what it is about my story that inspired them, yk? so as nice as it is to hear such a thing from them, i never know what exactly about LL got them writing 🙁

BUT THIS? 🥹

i’m so flattered honoured, genuinely. maybe one day, when i can stop scaring myself about reading other people’s works (it’s a genuine irrational fear of mine), i can pick up one of yours and give you the queen!treatment you give me every other day 🥹🩵

‘im ur biggest fan btw)’ — excuse me, DON’T call urself that. we’re friends 👊🏽🤨 (i’m spudding you btw)

‘oh my god it's literally like the dumbest cringest game ever but i love it so much’ — me talking about episode 2015 😀

‘but it's fucked up my sleep schedule bc part of the game is that u have to play the chatrooms before the next one unlocks or the previous one will lock and u have to pay (in game cash) to play it afterwards. so i have a schedule. i stay up til 1:52 to play the 1:48 chatroom and then i sleep, wake up at 6:50 for school, play the 3ish AM chatroom before the 8AM chatroom unlocks, and then go to school, play the 8AM chatroom, and continue playing the chatrooms throughout the day’ — HAHAHAHHAHAA 😭 IDK WHY THIS MADE ME LAUGH LMAOOO, you literally ended up making a whole plan around ur sleeping schedule for this game? 😭 DAMN, how good must it be???

I’M CRYINGGGG THE MESSAGES 😭😭😭

WHEN YOU SAID IT WAS CRINGE, I DIDN’T THINK IT WAS ‘i’d like to tell kay how i feel and make her mine but—’ , ‘you can have me right now!’ TYPE OF CRINGE? HELLO? 😭

I’M CRYINGGGG STOPPP

AND THIS YOOSUNG GUY COMING IN TO PUT IN HIS 2 CENTS IS KILLING MEEEEE 😭

‘omg’ after the zen guy literally declared that you’re his omega LMFAOOO

yoosung’s just a chill guy 😀

‘don’t let the beast inside of me awaken’ — HUH???? 😭

KAY I’M ACTIALLY DYING MY STOMACH HURTS SO BAD WTH IS THIS 😭😭😭

THAT’S SUCH A MALAKAI THING OF HIM TO SAY, wait—

👀

your type is literally malakai?

LMFAOOOO KAY X MALAKAI NO WAYYYY 😭😭😭

‘no one dare to touch her 🐺’ — BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAGAHAYAGAHSHSHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

PLS HOW DOES Y/N GIVE YOU SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT WHEN ZEN IS RIGHT THERE

kay pls tell me you’re joking. there’s absolutely no way 😭 and you told me all this in CONFIDENCE 💀

‘LIKE THIS IS SO CRINGE.... BUT I AM FREE’ — KAY 😭

self aware queen? 🥴💜

‘also have u heard the epic the musical concept album at all? like that one tiktok audio that's like 'i would fall in love with you over and over again.’ bc it's taken over my typ w emo ass edits and my friends are SICK OF ME’ — HAHAHAHA, no i actually haven’t 😭 so i looked it up just now and i’ve genuinely never heard of it in my life, ever’

‘too many satosugu edits w this audio and i'm gonna kms pls and ty’ — wait that makes sense as to why i haven’t seen it 💀

i don’t ship satosugu 👀 i can hear the shippers coming to bury me alive so my tiktok fyp is obviously gonna be catered towards videos i’ll end up liking and saving, and since i don’t actively search for satosugu edits and like and save them, my fyp is most definitely completely different to yours

hence why i’ve never heard of that audio 😭

but i should be glad! even tho i don’t ship them, i see tragedy in their friendship every time i see scenes of them together, so maybe it’s a good thing i hadn’t seen or heard of the audio before this ☹️

stop now i’m imagining you and zen with this audio HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH 😭

he’d fall in love with you over and over again… and you’d have to make sure the beast inside him doesn’t awaken over and over again 💀

ok i’ll stop 😭

[m4rs-ex3]

✨ rayllum ✨

whaddya want from me i have to talk about it rn. aaaaaaaaaaaaa🫶🫶🫶🫶 boundaries. trust. FINGERGUNS. they. them. my pronouns are they because i'll never be them. callum is done wasting time being mad and is now devoting all of his time remembering and/or discovering HOW MUCH HE LOVES THIS GIRL UGH 💕💞💖💗💞💕💖💝💝💘💖💓 he is the sweetest fucking thing rn oml he can see now that she will always be there for him and he wants her to know and im normal. aside from the core developments of their relationship omfg we were SERVED. the banter, the softness, the absolute bestie(+) behavior. let's review:

(e1) "practical? like what ; :)" that is the flirtiest fuckin face ive ever seen

"yes. you. uh.. rayla."

"i was lookin for you! uh.. callum." HIS FACEEEE HIS WIDDLE SMILE

"i can see that. let her go." ZERO hesitation. also mad foreshadowing

"she broke into the high mage's office." "no that's crazy. she can go in there any time she wants." UGH i expected a "no that's crazy she would never do that" but he's straight up like 'whats mine is urs bbg" 😭✋

"the elf stole it." oh.. ok his face doesn't look too happy there i wonder if "shes not 'the elf.' she's rayla." OH FUCK ME THEN

"and she was hiding a weapon" "so what? she always is?" IM SCREAMING I LOVE THEM SM

it doesn't even seem that for a second he was perturbed about rayla having the murder weapon, more so that he was looking straight at the murder weapon. she's always been in the clear 🫡

"if she didn't tell me... she has a good reason." THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE. THIS-- iiis getting its own post.

"it means i trust her. unconditionally." brb dying happy

his face when she unchained herself god he loves his non-law-abiding girlfriend

"you don't have to explain or justify anything to me. you can tell me when you're ready :)" what can i even say at this point

(e2) "well i'm glad you liked it :)" kill me now

"and now... here we are," there it is he still sees them as one unit, defying all odds and persevering all circumstances oh me oh my

stargazing obvi

(e3) RAYLA IN CALLUM'S DOODLE. HE DIDN'T HAVE TO ADD HER IN THERE YET THERE SHE IS LOOKING ADORABLE

"she can't stop us." "nobody can >:)" "so we're going to lux aurea right? ; :)" "too right we are >:)>:)>:)>:)"

their chaos <3

(e4) rayllum montage my beloved THAT MUSIC

if you guys have been weird please show me normal

"rayla, we've been through a lot, and a lot has changed, ah- um, well, some things have changed, but not.. everything. uh... i would do anything for you."

i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i wo

this is not fucking real what the fuckity fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

they are The standard

i've seen a lot of ships in my day way too many perhaps but no one compares

he's so patient and respectful w her 😭 the way he just gently holds out his hands

she fully emphasized that freeing them wasn't her priority and yet just ZERO hesitation callum saw his girl in distress and dropped everything no second thought required

THE HAND HOLDDDD THAT WAS SO SOFT

HE WAS SO FRICKEN EXCITED TO HELP HER

about to die and only one priority mhm

THUMB RUB THUMB RUB THUMB RUB THUMB RUB THUMB RUB THUMB RUB THUMB RUB

"i waited too long" i am so absolutely insane feral indignant

"i hope you know-" "i know."

bury me

(e5) fist bump. thats it im done im gone oh m !!!!! FIST !!! BUMP !!!!! YOU ABSOLUTE DORKS YOU <3<3<3<3<3

i am weak and the water scene is literally my favorite

he IMMEDIATELY knows shes uncomfy

AND he waits for her

"i don't think i'm comfortable pushing- hey!" "see? i pushed you first! pushing is easy!"

12:06 ish that glance downward tho 👀

the hand snatch of the century. her face. his face. that squeeze. "together." that ttm parallel.

HE HELD HER HAND THE ENTIRE TIME 😭😭😭💗

"-the entire world would be in danger-" IM SORRY BUT HE LOOKED STRAIGHT. AT HER. THAT LOOK KILL ME

"an amulet. or, uh, is it a talisman? what's the difference?" HER SWEET LIL GIGGLE (might just be the last sweet moment i have to report on)

beginning o e7 they're standing together on deck what happened all last night i need to know

her catching him when he collapsed :') and holding him up the rest of the time

"LET HIM GO!"

so e8 🙂

so

e

8

🙂

female rage has nothing on callum.

5 seasons. so many characters. so many losses. we have never seen this much emotion from anyone. i can hardly joke right now but he really embodied "don't you just wanna go apeshit?" i consume so much fucking media and this is new even for me. callum has never even had a temper. through all of this--getting kidnapped, abused, mentally and physically, seeing what his friends are going through--he hasn't broke. and then, seeing his biggest fear, the thing he's been plagued with for years, the thing we've seen him throw away his life to prevent, comes true, and he loses it. the scream, grunt & inhale, the speed, the aggression, the fucking expression. it's not hard to see how what happened next happened, i'm surprised he didn't do worse.

“all that talk about how love makes you stronger, but the second you see that elf girl in pain, you completely lost yourself.” mitski miyawaki kindly carry me out

every threat or demand finnegrin has made and callum has done nothing but scour. he has been as strong as anyone can be. and all of a sudden here he is crying out for mercy, pleading, bargaining, the lowest we've ever seen him. it hurts, but finnegrin was right.

"just... just let her go."

"NO! NO"

his defeat. we know this is because of... literally everything he has ever stood for being demolished. but his personal moral catastrophe aside, don't you find it interesting how he did all of that to keep rayla safe, and yet he never once went to her? i made another post abt this but i'm saying it again: rayla told him not to. and she believed in him. she's safe, but i don't think he thought he really saved her. he doesn't think he deserves anything she's giving him. he refuses to indulge in her, he refuses to confide in her, he refuses to seek her out. but he just saved her life. but that's not enough. not enough to resolve this within himself, and apparently not enough for the girl who's life he has saved twice now, who has stuck by him for years, who has dedicated everything to him, to be able to be okay with it. and he just kind of... accepts it. he doesn't beg for forgiveness, that being said he doesn't tell her either. this may seem like he's protecting himself, that he really just doesn't want to lose her, that he doesn't want to face this at all, but maybe it's him not wanting to disappoint her. yknow i really hate to be one of those people who ignores how basically all of callum's character surrounds his own internal conflict in favor of rayllum fan service, but fuck it's hard no to sometimes. he wants to be her hero, but he isn't; not to himself, anyway. this would always be the case. and yet... he did it all anyway. if that isn't unconditional, i'm jumping off a bridge.

no matter who he's protecting he is still being so strong for her

"yeah. yeah, i'm okay. i am." no, that obviously wasn't the truth. but for a "horrible liar," he sure appeared at least a little bit better. at the end of the day, the end of the battle, rayla's okay. and that always seems to help.

face touch 🩷

that hug man. her deep sigh. his shame melting into unavoidable comfort. him letting go despite all his better judgement. also it was cute. homicidal. but cute.

THE OTHER WATER SCENE IM STARTING TO THINK I HAVE A TYPE

the "eyes on me" thing AUUUHGHHGHGHGHGH

"i-i'm getting out" 👏ZERO👏HES👏ITATION👏 AND THE THING THAT MADE HIM BREAK WAS THE FEAR/SADNESS IN HER VOICE. LIKE AT FIRST HE WAS JUS LIKE "U GOOD?" BUT THEN HE SAW HOW UPSET SHE WAS AND WAS ALL "FUCK THE FATE OF THE WORLD IM GIVING YOU A HUG"

the squad reunion post-claudia when rayla gives callum's arm an extra little squeeze 😭

the ending handhold 🫶 thereee'ssss my little married couple

welp i would say it's been fun but it's been more so absolutely excruciating so. it has been.

if i still had feelings i would be so happy <3

[cursezoroark]

alrighty so as of now ive officially completed reborn!!!! postgame and all in one big pile. Specifically Lin Determination Route! this post is just a giant review of what i thought and felt throughout about the whole thing. i do want to say as a big summary that i had an overall very very positive experience with this game, and rllly rllllllly appreciate the effort put into this game's everything. it has a ton of heart in it, and i think thats wonderful. This is probably one of the most fun experiences I had playing pokemon tbh. here is my main team overall!

that being said this review Will include complaints because i do have them. and the fact that this is very opinionated, i am not a professional and may have missed a thing or two. so this is a disclaimer here. ok? alrighty.

reborn huh? lets sort it out into categories.

story: alrighty lets kind of get into this. I think the story in itself is rlly. super inflated. And i do think its due to the rapid rapid turnarounds with certain characters, or some jumpcuts in tone. now i do understand this game originated because of an online league and people roleplaying this out, so it being stitched together im not too tilted from this. But it does bug me at times here and there. and sometiems the exposition dumps get me. I did not need 5 minutes of Radomus explaining his whole story for like 5-8 minutes after the glass factory gauntlet in one place. With little to no buildup. that irked me a ton. On the positives, i also think that the super inflation does leave to some crazy shit happening to the point where you can kind of say "yeah ok sure what the hell" and go on with it. not everything needs an explanation. I did rllllly enjoy certain arcs though, from the orphanage breakout to the labradorra tournament. Titania and Amaria amazed me to bits and pieces i loved that storyline. Glass factory gauntlet went crazy and i rlly liked the pacing on shelly's development to try to gain more confidence.

Characters: One thing i super loved is the distinctiveness of each character presented in this story. I rlllly loved how easy it was to distinguish the other by the way they speak or respond, and how much character that gives them. But i will say some things that rlly itch at me is some of the emptyness some of them have. i feel that some of them suffer greatly from the fact that there are So Many Featured characters, even with how huge this game is, there's not rlly development in places where they should be. this gripe particularly goes to Bennett. His switch was so drastic to me that i felt like honestly there was smth missing. like i skipped from beginning to end there. i felt like i was kind of being shoved that in this weird gap of time where he was with elias that he suddenly came to some sort of epiphany of how he acted off-screen. some of the character growth is also kind of spitten at me too if that makes sense, like they have to physically tell me how they've changed, rather than doing a demonstration of how they changed from start to finish in the first place. that irked me in some areas here and there. the focus was kind of all over the place. however. postgame did do some favors to giving some characters the limelight they needed. Alistasia im staring at you i hope you never change. and giving a little extra wiggle room to others to conclude their own arcs (florinia, Cain, etc.)

Battles: holy shit i love the battling here. This game has the (imo) most organic battles of the rebornverse games and its soooo much fun figuring out ways to knock them off their horses. In many main battles there's often a gimmick that goes with the character you're battling which I thought was super clever on its own, like Taka's sun team (an eruption of feelings and actual desire) when he got revived. i thought that was fun as hell. or Craudberry's team with the aim to get flower garden up to lvl 5 by the end of the battle? amazing. i rlly have nothing bad to say about the battling, its tough, its awful with pulse 252 but its not impossible, and crackable. it was the highlight of the series to me. however i did admittedly cheese a few. no shame in my bones though i love cheese.

Mapping/Region: oh i love a Big Navigable City. and i also love changing maps. so you can bet i enjoyed that reborn city renovation. Honestly not much else to say here, it was generally rlly cool.

Game Progression: Honestly i just used a guide for the puzzles because im not a puzzle guy, i would honestly have been stuck at a part forever. no shame in that. so for that im not rlly going to include that in this Opinion Review. i do enjoy how complex it is though, i know some puzzle lovers would love to crack into this game. i do think the tm pacing and move tutor availabilities are super super fair, its not enough to give you an advantage completely but enough to make sure that there Is an out if you know what to do.

this is my character tierlist overall! you can ask about a particular guy for details on why if ur curious! or rag on me or smth lmao these are subject to change maybe months or weeks later.

[fishyfishyfish0258]

[LONG RANT ABOUT FANDOM INCOMING I AM SO SORRY]

idk how to open this but ykw fuck it, i'll cut to the chase: imo some ppl in this fandom (mostly with the ppl on r/glassanimals, but its in other sites aswell) dont rlly know how to give criticism that isn't just plain insults

[more below (so it wont clog up the ga tag)]

theres nothing wrong with ACTUAL, CONSTRUCTIVE, HEALTHY CRITICISM dont get me wrong! whenever you like ilysfm or not, imo its important to like, have a healthy conversation, be respectful and be like "I like/dislike this album and imo I think it could've been better if x, y, z " and thats valid! even if its just "this album is/isn't my thing" thats ok! thats alright! I've seen people be respectful and give constructive criticism and have a convo!

I get the frustration aswell! I get that ppl wish for music that they like, and that ga dipping their toes (haha get it) into the pop genre for the second time in a row makes them feel estranged!

but the way some people try and "criticise" album 4 is just.. not it.

do some of yall think that "its not zaba therefore its a cashgrab and its mid and ga fell of and theyre sellouts" is constructive criticism? that's just plain insults with no taste! thats not healthy and doesnt start a good convo either!

like at some point you don't seem like a ga fan anymore and just a zaba stannie!

some ppl acting like zaba is superior and ga owes them more zaba is kinda weird to me cause like, they dont owe you anything! they dont know us! and we only know the parts they want us to see online!

and it's also not the first rodeo! this happened before! (definetly happened with dreamland but not sure on htbahb)

the take of "why are they making repetitive music" while you want ga to make another zaba AKA MAKE REPETITIVE MUSIC is a hypocritical take! It's not a good look I'm sorry!

and the take of "lp4 is full of generic love songs for depressed 13 year olds" that I've seen from a few people ain't good cause like, this album is full of depressing-at-best, toxic-at-worst relationships! just cause it's about love doesn't mean it's instantly generic! the lyrics aren't like "we would be together in the stars we would be so lovey dovey" "i wish you loved me back" "youre the air that i breathe", they're more like "ive been kidnaped and developed stockholm syndrome" "hey i fucking hate your guts but i still lowkey love yo- oh shit the songs ending" "we fell out of love and i cant change that no matter how hard I try". like IDK WHAT TO TELL YOU BRO! like misinterpreting these lyrics so badly my god-

also the fact that some went like "ga should be ashamed and embarressed for releasing this" is rlly sad to me, like I remember Dave saying that this is his most personal work and he had to get vulnerable first before making it, and saying that he should be embarressed for pouring his heart out is kinda :[ to me (maybe because vulnerabillity is a very important trait to me, but moving on)

or the take that "theyre making radio-friendly tiktok music" like what radio would play a song with lyrics mentioning ball gags and being tied up??????

like this is unproductive, lowkey unhealthy, very repetitive and very tiring imo. people are getting tired of the same ol recycled, poorly disguised as "criticism", bare insults. most of the time in the reddit, some here, on twitter, insta and discord. this has been repeated ad nauseam, and it's getting nowhere imo.

so uh yea. that's my thoughts on this whole thing

thanks for reading :] -A

[youngpettyqueen]

I totally agree with your latest update on your post about Charles. I saw this meme earlier and it definitely made me think of him. I won’t comment on who I think the first part applies to.

so glad you agree ok cause I am a Charles defender first and human second

and to elaborate on that sentiment like. yes Charles is rude and pretentious and arrogant, he's got flaws, but that's not all he is! boiling him down to just his negative traits no matter any context is just a disservice to his character, both as he comes right from the get-go and the growth he goes through over the course of the series. he's just as complex and layered as anyone else!

honestly after a rewatch im far more sympathetic towards him earlier on than I was on first watch. like, the arrogance and pretentiousness aside, because those are separate- his anger at being at the 4077 is completely justified. he has every right to be angry. this colonel literally sent him near the front of the line because he was a petty asshole who was pissed off about losing bridge. im not saying Charles was behaving particularly sportsman-ly but the colonel was absolutely wrong for that. and like, I get that they needed another surgeon at the 4077 with Frank gone, but Charles also had every right to be angry with Potter for keeping him there. it was fucked up!

but to switch gears to his virtues- not all of Charles' kindness was part of his character development I dont think. him defending the kid with the stutter comes to mind immediately, because we know he felt so passionately about that kid because Honoria has a stutter. there's also Yessir, That's Our Baby- he gets MAD on behalf of the injustice that baby faces! that's big brother instinct, but thats also just. kindness and care. oh, and the patient who loses mobility in his hand and is distraught because he's a pianist, and Charles goes out of his way to get him music he can play with only one hand? his whole speech about how he always wanted to play, but never had the gift? he's so passionate in that one! and of course we cant forget his family's tradition of anonymously donating to people in need around the holidays- for all his family's flaws, ive always loved that detail, and ive always loved that he tried to do it even in Korea. those are just examples off the top of my head, there's absolutely more

and then there's the kindness and care he exhibits as he grows as a character. when Potter reveals to everyone he's the last one of his old friend group still alive, Charles CRIES with them! he's emotional during Millie Carpenter's funeral and Hawkeye's eulogy! just the entirety of Sons and Bowlers, dont even get me started- he stays with Hawkeye the entire time, even when Hawkeye doesnt want him to and tries to chase him off, talks with him and comforts him and opens up to him and is vulnerable with him. the entirety of GFA and his arc there

like yeah Charles isnt always nice he has flaws he's not perfect but he's capable of so much kindness, he's so passionate, and he just cares SO much. he just doesnt show it often! he'll move a mountain for someone even if he would never admit to it! reducing him to just his negative traits is again just such a disservice to his character he's so much more than that

[thecoolcatstuff]

Today I will present my thesis on why I think Juleka and Adrien should have been best friends.

1.They have(platonic) chemistry

Most of times good compatibility isnt about characters having the same traits, but having traits that cumpliment eachother. Complementary traits often result in good dynamics, fun to watch. Now, miraculous have some pretty fun character dynamics like Chat/Ladybug, Marinette/Kagami, Adrien/Plagg but I believe Adrien/Juleka has the potential to be one of the best among them. Hear me out.

Adrien is an extroverted person molded by his father into a polite and pristine façade never being allowed out or having indeoendent thoughts.

Juleka is the daughter of a pirate rockstar(Anarka) who was born with all the freedom she could want, but has a shy and introverted personality despite that.

Besides loving the "extrovert adopts introvert" trope, I belive their interaction would be beneficial for their development, with Adrien helping Juleka to come out of her shell by teatching her his dorkish ways and Juleka showing Adrien what freedom really means( I am 100% certain Juleka would convince Adrien to do a Tattoo, paint his hair, pierce his nose or some shit only to flip out Gabriel). They could really understant eachother, help eachoter overcome their fears and give support.

(it is important to say that when I meant they have good chemistry, i do not mean romantic chemistry. Characters of opposite sex are allowed to interact and have good relations without it necessarily meant to be romantic. That is a taboo on animation and would also be pretty cool to chalenge.)

2.Juleka wants to model

Juleka's dream being revealed as someone who wants to model professionally, her having a best friend who is a literal supermodel would be the ideal setup to give her a "in" into the fashion world, and would also give Adrien someone on his corner in the industry, maybe someone to give him advice and support when dealing with the wheight of his schedule, or when being pushed around left and right by Lila or his dad.

3.It would explain things story wise

It was always weird to me how Adrien always shows up at the boat for Kitty Section practice. I mean I guess he is around since Juleka invites the whole class to show up, but its never actually a reason to why HE should show up. People are always wondering "hey where is adrien?" even when other people like Kim or Nathaniel are also not there. Adrien bring juleka's bff would make this more plausible because "cmon he is my bestie where the fuck is he?".

4.Chat Noir and Purple Tigress

The dynamic of Chat Noir and Purple Tigress was cute. Chat being carefree and flirty and Juleka being kind of stiff and awkward and fumbling against his extroverted approach all while being a lowkey girlboss on the side just gave a whole new fun to the dynamic. I can just picture Juleka awkwardly trying to make a cat pun and Chat being lit on fire by it.

5. Adrien might have gotten a home at the boat

Ive seen hundreds of post-hawkmoth defeat fics, and almost all of them we have something in common: Adrien gets adopted by the dupain-chengs and go live with them. Now, there is nothing wrong with that, Sabine and Tom are great and they would definitly help Adrien in a moment of need but the imolications of this... it really striked me odd. living with your girlfriend's parents? Sneaking into her room every night to cuddle at 15 and they being ok with it? really? Thats just weird bro.

Now, Adrien at the boat makes sense. Methinks Anarka would be more the willing to adopt Adrien on the spot. She is carefree, doesnt seem to be caugh up by details and seems to be fairly ok with a bunch of teens hanging around her deck all day. Adrien is a musician and fairly polite, so he checks out all the boxes to be her son. Besides, imagine how Adrien's chacracter would develop given the chance to live freely like Juleka and Luka does. He could develop more his "wild side" and learn how to be more confortable with himself.

6. Get to see Adrien wingmaning Julerose

Now, we all know Adrien Chat Noir is our resident dork in town. However, I feel we dont get to see it much. I imagine him trying to help Juleka woo Rose or giving tips to flirt would be very funny and amusing to see, and give him much more characterization. Besides, Juleka and Rose's relationship would be way more spicy. I mean they are cute but the whole "lowkey supportive gf" thing they always have going on gets stale pretty fast, and dont five much insight on how their relationship is really like. LET THEM FLIRT FOR GODS SAKE!

[bingobongobonko]

Hi Bingo! I just wanted to say that I've been lurking and looking at your art for your lancer campaign for a while now and I think it's so cool! You've kinda inspired me to check out the system for myself too! I hope it's not too much trouble/making you retread anything you've talked about before, but I'd be really interested to hear your thoughts on the system and how it's worked out for your campaign! I really love mecha stuff, but I think the genre can be pretty rife with militarism that I'm not super into. I get the sense though that you've been able to find a good way to slot these really cool characters into the setting and focus on their interactions while also getting the fun of that sweet sweet mech combat. My inquiry is very low stakes haha, so nw if you don't have time to gather all your thoughts (I know that if I was tasked to talk about my own campaigns my head would burst into flames just trying to sift through what I'd want to say :P) Anyway, just a little friendly wave to you to say your art is very inspirational, and keep up the great work!

OH WOW this is . whuhh. WOW! sorry im like. wtff. i mean i ramble about my characters a lot but i didn't think anyone else actually gave a fuck which is completely ok, i just WHUHH..!!! holy shit. excitement aside, i get where you're coming from. honestly i was never into the mecha genre, but lancer rpg really made me realize how cool it is! like im not a really technical guy, and i feel like lancer is VERY strategy-heavy in combat; unless you know what you're doing and what everything does, you can easily get overwhelmed with all the features and all the things to consider in the math. for me its a lot because i struggle with spatial understanding and any sort of mathematics. that's my only real gripe on the system, but that might also just be every other system as well. it's more of a personal issue than that of the system, my friends all picked it up super quick. as for the genre, yeah, i find militaristic shit a drag and mecha has the same feel to me. its got a layer of professionalism and seriousness i don't enjoy, nor wish to play along with, so i get what you mean yeah. thankfully my friend who dms the campaign is just. Holy fuck; she just has a huuuge extra care for character stories and weaving them into the narrative she explores. so really, its her i've to thank for making mecha stuff FUN for me. lancer can certainly run hand-in-hand with militaristic-focused rp, i was in a oneshot with that sole focus and while it was interesting, without that interesting narrative stuff you kind of lose steam, but ive grown so fond of dog days cuz of how my friend lets our characters develop AND helps them do that. that and the way she sets up the story, just. FUUUUCK. the military is an afterthought in what is a fight against time and para-causality sinking its teeth into what little sanity we have. we fight against something that is a victim and a perpetrator. we're the worst people to be tasked to be saving an entire planet too, but here we are. as cheesy as it is, it's all about who you play with. thats the feel i get about most systems. honestly why im so ehhh about playing with strangers, when i'd rather play with people i like. all systems strike me as more of a tool; its the way you use em yk? the experience you get from them are more reflective of who you're telling a story with (or fighting alongside, there's no right way to play. i just really like narrative storytelling). so really, ive to thank my friends, especially @spaginithethird who introduced me to lancer in the first place as a dm!!!!!!!!!! TO A LOT OF SYSTEMS ACTUALLY shes rlly knowledgeable abt this stuff and very very very sweet too o7 so yeah really, its a really fun system BUT to me, i wouldnt be playing lancer if i didn't have a narrative to go by and follow with people i like. i am always sayin this but its my favorite thing when it comes to ttrpgs

[tradetobest]

hrpf recs? 🙏

OH BOY OK. so. this list definitely leaves out some of my faves, but thats just because there are some things that i Will Not rec... like 300 of my bookmarks are private its CRAZY. anyway.

in the interest of length i will probably only be reccing 1-3 fics per ship, so this is my ao3 recs section shortened from the 78 eligible items to whatever i thought fit this list best. so. with that out of the way lets get started

sidgeno

More Things In Heaven And Earth by CloudCover (Unrated, 23.8k)

The hydrophones have been picking up nonsense for the past three days and Zhenya has had it up to here, honestly.

i must have babbled about this fic for a full fucking week to anyone who would listen after i finished it. MERMAIDS. the way their relationship develops over time. the way. the way EVERYTHING. i love this fic with my whole heart

Just What Was Rumpelstiltskin Expecting to Do with a Baby, Anyway? by withershins (T, 24.7k)

Turning to a witch to save a loved one's life is one of the riskier gambles a person can take, but it's one that's arguably noble and brave. Falling in love with the witch, though—now that's just foolish.

now if theres any sidgeno fic i have recced more than the first one its this one because OH MY GOD i love this fic so much. like .... the tumblr post its based off of is one of my favourite little blurb posts EVER and withershins captured it PERFECTLY this fic is PERFECT to me..... please read this

Clear Blue Morning by CloudCover (Unrated, 10.4k)

Zhenya is re-looping the hair elastic around Alina's braid when he becomes aware there’s someone standing in the doorway. He glances up, and his hands freeze in place. Sidney fucking Crosby is standing there, looking hesitant, with a half-empty water bottle dangling from one hand.

not only am i a sucker for kid fics i am an absolute SUCKER for single parent/hockey player fics, and this encapsulates my love for that. plus, geno's daughter is adorable in this. i ADORE this fic ive read it like 8 times.

the full version of this list is here and i would REALLY recommend checking it out because all of the fics on it are really good and i literally got a headache trying to cut it down bcs of how good these fics are ok

1634 (marnsthews)

Pull a Tavares by nationalhorribleleague (Series link, T, full series wordcount 42.2k)

Mitch Marner signs as a UFA with the Toronto Maple Leafs after seven years as an Arizona Coyote. How Auston Matthews and Mitch Marner deal with it (and fall in love).

OUGHHHH..... WHAT CAN I EVEN SAYYYY,.,,, yotes mitch to toronto and him and auston fall in love is like My Perfect Fanfic. literally my dreams come true. if you have never read this PLEASE READ BOTH FICS theyre both so fucking good

Three Loves by MycroftexMachina (T, 20.8k)

Mitch Marner: secret genius.

i used to joke about hrpf fics being super minimalist in their tagging and descriptions but holy fuck does this fic's outside understate whats on the inside. i have never felt the way i felt while reading this fic its literally insane. if you read nothing else on this list read this because the sheer emotion it evokes and the subject matter and everything to its core spoke to me on an insane level. i love this fic so much.

mceichel

LITERALLY ANY MCEICHEL FIC BY IDDAY IS GOOD. ALL OF THEM ARE GOOD READ ALL OF THEM. THIS LIST WOULD BE ALL IDDAY IF I RECCED ANY OF THEM JUST READ THEM ALL (but particularly you can make me a drink, take it offline, camera flashes make it look like a dream, with abandon, no other shade of blue but you, and out of the blue) READ ALL OF THOSE TRUST

Part of Me (Pours out of You) by crankyrage (M, 14.2k)

“I don’t know if you’ve heard but Edmonton Oilers’ Captain Connor McDavid is using your last single as his goal song this year,” the interviewer tells him lightly. “I’ve seen,” Eichel smiles at him charmingly. “I write songs for people to cry to at 1AM, so I’m not really sure if he understands what that song’s about.” (Or, Jack's an international, grammy-winning pop star, and Connor's, well, Connor.)

once again i fall victim to my own nonhockey/hockey tendencies, but this fic is worth all of it and more. i AM crazy about popstar jack and the entire plot of this fic. please read this

Some People Watch Golf on TV (and Neither of Those Things Make Sense to Me) by crankyrage (T, 40.4k)

His relationship with golf is probably one of the most complicated in his life. He loves it. Breathes it. Lives it. Gives everything to it, and the only thing he gets in return sometimes is rejection and this pain to carry around to remind himself that he’s a failure – that he’ll never be what they say he could be. And yet, no matter how much golf rejects him, makes him hate himself, makes him hate the world, hell golf even took his best friend from him, he always comes back. It’s almost like an addiction. So, Connor loves golf. Would die without it, probably. But, at the same time, sometimes not only is it not rewarding, it isn’t fun in the slightest. (Or a PGA Tour AU that no one, truly no one, asked for)

I ASKED FOR IT. I DIDNT KNOW I ASKED FOR IT IT BUT I DID AND IT IS AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL AND OHH. THIS FIC LITERALLY ALMOST MADE ME WATCH GOLF. in all seriousness, i have blabbed about this fic so much anyone who knows me irl would probably roll their eyes but its just so good, such a good exploration of learning to love and just. god. read this

the ghost you're dressed up as by brockachu (E, 36.7k)

Jack thinks he made his own dream boy. Jack thinks he made his own nightmare. "The whole house creaks, long, drawn out, groaning, like some sort of creature calling in the night. Maybe old houses just can’t help being old. Connor leans into Jack’s left side, runs soft lips up the curve of Jack’s ear, whispers not-words that Jack can’t process. The hum cuts out. The groaning snaps off. There is no sound. No Connor."

a MASTERFUL exploration in how writing can be used. literally one of the best pieces of literature i have read PERIOD. i have never been a big fan of horror OR non-linear narrative but this fic does both AMAZINGLY and in such a way that i can and will talk about it all the time. READ THIS FIC.

mcstrome (plus)

The Next Next One by yourblues (M, 71.2k)

No, Dylan has not picked up a copy of the book, nor does he plan to anytime soon. No, he has not talked to Connor about it. He hasn’t talked to Connor about anything in a long time, but the media does not need to know that.

oh my god. this fic got recced to me and i didnt read it and shoved it in my marked for later and it kept like, popping up to haunt me and finally i said fuck it and read it and OH MY GOD ITS SO FUCKING GOOD!! nevermind that im insane abt the 2015 draft class this fic is just SO GOOD its insane. read this because op did SUCH a good job i cant even describe it

nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy by orphan_account (T, 14.4k)

The thing is, Dylan and Mitch and Connor used to be in a band, in high school. They were a fucking trio, like Blink-182: Mitch on drums, Dylan on bass, and Connor on guitar. They called themselves Ten Minute Misconduct, and they fucking ruled. They sold an unprecedented 40,000 copies of their first album, which was out before they’d even graduated high school, and they went on legit tours and had legit fans. Brothers for life. They were gonna conquer the world together. And then, two years ago, Connor abandoned them. (Or, sometimes you just have to bury the hatchet. The Pop Punk AU.)

the second in a series that has a benneguin prequel that is also very good!! i LOVE bands . and my bandom history made me read this and NO REGRETS i loved this fic so fucking much. if you love bands and warped tour and like. that sort of Vibe please read both fics in this series

Heart Duplex by jamesiee, solarperigee (T, 15.6k)

“Oh, shit,” Dylan laughs, pointing at the screen. “What about this guy?” The description is objectively bad and Dylan has to bite his lip to keep a straight face while Connor reads it. What up I'm Mitch I'm 19 and my best friend fuckin ditched me to get a place with his hot swedish boyfriend so I need someone cool to make him jealous Must be chill w hockey (leafs 4 lyfe) gays (dick 4 lyfe) and video games (fortnite 4 lyfe) NO LIZARDS THEY SCARE ME “Oh my god,” Connor whispers in the flattest voice possible.

this is the plus in mcstrome plus because this is mitch/connor/dylan!! it is FUCKING HILARIOUS and amazing and beautiful and just. the vibe is excellent. i have reread this fic so much and it gets better literally every time because its just that good. insane.

mattdrai

liebe geht durch den magen by lighthousetowers (T, 6.2k)

All Leon wanted were some easy recipes, and instead he got this guy, this – Matthew Tkachuk, alias tkachukycheese, YouTube channel owner by bi-weekly afternoon and dietician who works a lot with school classes by normal profession. Matthew holds up a potato peel broken in two pieces. “And just remember, if it doesn’t work out perfectly, that’s fine. It’s all about practice and trying and enjoying the process. Perfection isn’t a prerequisite for being liked. Just look at the Oilers."

this fic unironically singlehandedly got me into mattdrai. literally SO good i have read it so many times. and another nonhockey/hockey au. you know me.

ambigous middle area between mattdrai and mcdrai. mcmattdrai

(Get a Torch and a Flame and) Burn the Path You Want by Linsky (E, 80.2k)

If there’s one thing Leon knows, from the very beginning, it’s that Connor McDavid isn’t for him. If there’s a second thing he knows, it’s that Matthew Tkachuk is a grade-A asshole.

common linsky banger. i LOVE the wolfverse and these three in this fic are jus SOOOOO,..... GAWD. like i ate it up like fucking . pasta with butter. and i LOVE pasta with butter.

mcdrai

if we make it through december (we'll be fine) by softnoirr

“Are you uh,” Connor takes a breath, “Are you doing anything for Christmas?” Leon pauses. Or: Connor and Leon go home for the holidays, break up, and come back together, just not precisely in that order.

WHO BRINGS THEIR EX TO THEIR PARENTS PLACE FOR CHIRSTMAS. connor mcdavid, thats who. and it makes for some EXCELLENT FIC. i lovelovelove this one so much

j,. jamie and trevor?? ship name. 611???? what are they called

There's Gold in Them There Hills, or Alchemy for Dummies by CitrineDaydream (E, 43.2k)

Jamie Drysdale is a witch. Well, a witch-in-training, out on his final journey to prove himself-- a pilgrimage to put himself through the seven steps of Alchemical Process. His contentious spirit guides have sent him across the continent from Ontario to California to find something that they refuse to reveal to him. Trevor Zegras is a rookie ranch hand, leaving New York for the freedom of the West. Far from home, he's still kept up with his families traditions and the ways they work with nature for prosperity and protection. He is absolutely, definitely not a witch. Jamie is at least intuitive enough to know the gold he seeks isn't literal metal, but that's about as far as he trusts his instincts, and that's the majority of the problem. When his spirit guides freeze him out in an attempt to foster his intuition, the goofy cowboy seems to be the best bet he's got to unlock his path to growth that he can't seem to find to on his own.

this started my cowboy kick literally this fics fault its CRAZY. i dont even. know how to describe how much i fucking loved this fic its so good PELASE read it if you love cowboys or witches OR if you have eyes. 10/10

AAND THERE WE GO!! or at least. i have to stop because i ran out of open ao3 tags and the site has stopped working. please enjoy when you can anon!! and if you want somethign specific just lmk

but also there is this one elias pettersson/brock boeser or however you spell that fic and i literally know NOTHIGN about these guys but this fic was so good ask if interested because i am interested in introducing others to it

[sasukemexican]

Ok this is random again but I need to confess. I never liked sasuke and his character but that is because I was overall frustrated with kishimoto's writing of his own characters, however my opinion of a character tends to sway dramatically if i hear reasons from a huge fan of said character so i thought to ask you: why is he your favorite? what do you like about him? is there any particular sentiment that made your url a reality ( this isnt meant to be rude but im genuinely curious !!!)

YESSS HIHIHI not liking sasuke largely because of kishis pisspoor writing is very valid. when i get my hands on that mf it'll be over for him!! so i don't blame you for that at all lol

with that being said i refuse to acknowledge Boruto sasuke because thats just not the same person. and i dont mean character development or anything i mean that is straight up a different person! so i wont even get into that lol anyway

sasuke has always been my favorite to some extent- i have an older brother who would make me watch Naruto with him and while i wasn't interested in the show i thought sasuke was sooo cute! ive always loved the emo ones lmao

but then i became a fan of the show and actually paid attention to his character and i think its safe to say that hes a big source of catharsis for me? if that makes sense? mainly because of his relationship with itachi. again i have an older brother and the parallels between us are quite strong (he didn't kill anyone or anything like that 😭) just the way sasuke feels about him and how he was The main source of anger and love and how these emotions easily blur together..betrayal..heartbreak (not romantically ofc) ugh.. sasuke lets me explore these hard to deal with emotions so for that he will always be special to me <- guy who needs therapy

also the extreme ways sasuke deals with these hard feelings himself are something i admire no matter how unhealthy and self destructive they are. sasuke is not afraid to pour his all into something. his one track mind is very frustrating but at the same time something i just cant help but admire! he is an extremely dedicated and motivated character and it makes me insane. i also love how hard he tries to appear stoic and put together but little cracks show just how emotional he is. you cant fool me gay boy i see you for the sensitive lil wuss that you are!!!

essentially sasuke is a big 'he just like me fr' character for me which is embarrassing but its too late for shame now!

this probably won't do anything to change your mind lol that is ok 😌

oh! also sasuke is mexican because i am and i like giving my favorite characters my ethnicity teehee. but also the set up of his clan is veryy much like a small mexican village if that makes sense it reminds me of the one im from :3 and his intense feelings are also very latino of him lol his shouting..sir there is no need to shout! but there he goes shouting away

[autismsupersoldier]

as upset as i am over deleting my prev account, it has been incredible joy to see how many people reblogged my stuff with "ive reblogged this before and its still amazing" or even people who are seeing my art for the first time. its so lovely, thank you all :-) 🧡🧡🧡 i feel a lot calmer about this whole ordeal.

ok thats the short version of my musings, bit of a ramble below

it was never really about losing my followers for me, or anything like that. though that is also a reasonable thing to be upset over if youre for example trying to sell your art (or for any other reason, actually), but since that wasnt my intention, im fine with rebuilding my followerbase again. i have also noticed that, simply put, it really isn't very much about how many followers you have - what plays more of a role is whether you make fanart that resonates or not. most of my popular posts had more notes than i have followers - hence why i assume this to be true. but all that is to say, the real thing that caused me distress is a lack of archival. i have real bad memory issues, so a big thing for me is being able to archive my comings and goings on the interwebs, so that i always have a bit of a thread linking me to my past self. when a thread like that is lost, its terrifying - i know i am losing months, or even in some cases, YEARS of my past life, that i most likely won't be able to remember at all (yes, it can be that bad). but i think maybe im trying to live with it? yknow... things fall out, more things get put in. its not a good system by any means but its what i was given and i can work with it. i can learn to, at least. theres a reason i even developed such bad memory issues, and that was to keep me safe and well during my Survival Years, shall we put it. so i am not mad at myself, i should not be. maybe its fine to sometimes lose big chunks of your life. who says it has to be terrifying? my brain is just making space for more memories as it can feel our storage running out of GBs, so to speak. im still just trying to make my way through life yknow. im good. sometimes I'll forget. and people will tell me a funny story about myself that i had no idea about at all, ever. and I'll laugh just like them because it's still funny, even if its the first time i hear about it. i dunno. theres obviously bad parts of it and im not going to portray it in an Only positive light, but... im livin with it, n whatnot.

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

hii sorry if this is too venty or depressing or whatever but i really need help

ive been in a qpr with my partner nagisa for like 3 months (weve been friends before that for a few years) and i love him so much ive never wanted anyone in my life more than him. but i am deathly afraid of being a bad partner, and i am even more afraid of him leaving me for someone else even though i know thats not realistic.

he asked one of our ex friends if he could complain to them about something in private and for the rest of the day i felt anxious and sick and guilty like i just killed someone. i cut this friend off mainly because i was so jealous and spiteful (didnt say that tho i feel guilty) (also he was a really shitty person and made me really uncomfortable but it was mainly cuz i was jealous)

whenever im not talking to him my brain shouts to me that im ignoring him and im a horrible cold monster who just has him as a battery to feed my sick desires or whatever the hell that thing tells me at night. whenever i talk to him too much my brain shouts that i look desperate and clingy and i am annoying him hes probably sleeping! but it hurts less than feeling cold. so thats why i try to text him as much as possible. it almost feels like a compulsion, that im not actually texting him because i care and im talking to him so i personally dont feel like shit (ok that made me feel awful to type out but Fuck whatever)

i am not a bad person i really love my partner ive never loved anyone more than him hes the only person i really connect with on a deep level anymore and i think we genuinely have some sort of spiritual bond because of how often we share the same emotions and think the same thoughts at the same time. but i dont really believe in spirituality shit so whatever

he actually has the same issue (but seems to have figured it out better than me) with me and my friend, and it actually made me hate myself so much i have stopped talking to that friend because i dont want him to feel any percent of what i do. when he isn’t there to talk to me i feel alone and abandonded and like my arms have been cut off and like im living without a 3rd dimension. i feel like a normal person when im with him. he is the only thing keeping me sane. i would drop all my friends if he wanted me to

whenever im not talking to him i feel like im neglecting a bird in a cage even though i know he doesn’t need me that much

whats funny is that i dont worry about being a bad person in any other aspect of my life i literally do not give a fuck whether im a bad person because i always justify everything i do in my mind and i cant find a single bad thing ive done. other than the intentionally bad shit i did, of course, i did that stuff to kinda.. give myself something to feel bad for and so i dont feel like im fully a perfect person? hard to put into words

so yeah i guess you get the point! i really need some sort of advice. ive told him this but not really the full extent behind it, just the jealousy and vague mentions of the fear of being bad. i am worried that my anxiety of being a bad partner is leading me to be a bad partner

damn... okay i don't know a lot about this but it sounds like you might be developing a codependency. you should definitely communicate all of this to your partner so you can work together to lessen your anxiety. you also should probably go to therapy but i don't know if that is accessible to you right now. i'm sorry i don't have much else to say but hopefully someone in the replies can also help