#because things are really scary right now

[salemlunaa]

☀︎ YOU’RE NOT BEING PRODUCTIVE, YOU’RE LAZY AND AFRAID ☀︎

And this will cost you a lot of time that could be spent with your desires…

You have all the information, why aren’t you applying. You tell me you have been in this community for 6 months, a year, 2 years+, but how many of those days you’ve spent in this community have you actually applied, how many of those nights did you actually apply and don’t just fall asleep after 5 seconds.

And i know why you’re lazy, it’s because you’re scared, you’re scared of inducing process, whether it be success or failure. You make yourself busy with scripts and subliminals, “i’ll script this really cool thing first”, “i’ll scroll a little on tumblr first” “lemme just look at the success story hashtag before i do it, it really motivates me” You try and distract your self, you delude yourself into thinking you’re being productive but really you don’t want to, if you wanted to you wouldn’t be here and I will ALWAYS stand by that. You put it off until the last minute and then when it “doesn’t work” you run back to tumblr acting like you actually did anything.

a really good analogy from @archsariel333 - “you buy the pens, the notebook, you plan for the book you’re going to write but, you never write it”

“let me just add this one thing to the plan”, “let me look at inspo for book covers and art styles for illustration”, “let me go to my book writers group on tumblr and see if they have anymore advice for me even tho i know how to write a fucking book”

I know it’s comforting and validating to be in the “waiting period”, the period of anticipation. You want to go shopping for a vacation, pack your suitcase, look at reviews on social media, plan the pics you’re going to take, but getting on the actual plane can be scary, you ask yourself “what if they deny my boarding pass”, “what if i fail to make it on time”, “what if im not eligible to fly for whatever reason”, you don’t want to leave your comforting circumstances and even the trip itself scares you just a little, so you cope by buying all the vacation outfits in the world, saving inspo pics into a pinterest board, looking at vlogs of other people going to that place. You can’t bring yourself to get on the fucking plane.

You need to apply, and properly, 2024 is almost over, the amount of weeks we have left isn’t even in the double digits anymore, I don’t want you to make it to the end of this DECADE still keeping the tumblr “foryou” page company, watching people coming and going feeling paralysed as people who came here later than you pass you by. I know the feeling sucks but whose fault is that?

I want you to scrap the amount you’ve been here. Since you’re the operant power right? I don’t care how many weeks, months, years you’ve been here, scrap it, you’re going to start afresh and you’re going to actually apply, when you have the time, you’re not going to go back to your notes app, notion or pinterest to script some more, you’re going to apply.

A lot of you have the knowledge that majority of the world doesn’t and time on your hands, do you know how powerful and extremely fortunate you are, to have time AND knowledge? i don’t think alot of you understand how much of a privilege that is you are unstoppable yet you stop yourself out of fear that you will “fail” to tap into the void and let yourself down. You are so privileged to know what you know and to have the time to apply it, so do it, your not gonna scroll on tiktok for a few more minutes or shove a million subliminals down your throat to “prep yourself” you’re just going to take a breath and do it. Induce pure consciousness, and if you fall asleep scrap that assumption and do it again.

Look at your life right now, do you honestly like it, do you like envying others for having what you can have at the snap of your fingers. Do you like the life you are living?

I want you to tell yourself that you will not be the reason for your own demise. you will NOT be the reason that it’s 2026,27,28 and so on and you don’t have what you want.

please just go and apply, i don’t even know you guys and it hurts watching you kill time when you could’ve had everything a day ago, an hour ago heck even 5 minutes ago.

apply apply apply, don’t let this feeling be the reason you “fail” 💋🍑

[woso-dreamzzz]

Birdie's Halloween

Mary Earps x Child!Reader

Summary: The fifteenth of my Halloween-centric fics

"Listen, Mum," Mary says as she weaves through the aisles of the store," I'd love to chat but I'm really quite busy right now."

"Oh yes, I'll let you get back to what you're doing," Mary's mother says on the other end of the phone," But just remember to send me her Christmas list, alright? And maybe that list of-"

"Mum," Mary says again," Seriously, I have to go."

"I know, I know but- Oh! I didn't tell you. Mrs Todds - you remember Mrs Todds, right? Anyway, Mrs Todds from next door said-"

"Mum. Me, go. Have to. Alright?"

"Oh, fine, Mary. You go. I'll call tonight. We can finish this then."

"Great," Mary mutters, looking down at her phone impassively," I'll look forward to it." She sighs, shaking her head and slipping the device back into her pocket with the startlingly discovery that she's lost you.

Again.

It's actually kind of incredible how she can lose an eight year old and her puppy in such a small store.

"Birdie!" She calls out," Birdie!"

There's no answer.

Mary sighs. "Y/n! I mean it, come here!"

Your head pops around one of the aisles and Newton's golden fur moves in speedy circles as he waits for Mary to get closer.

"You can't keep wandering off," Mary tells you, taking your hand," What happens if I lose you?"

Ever practical, you reply," Well, if I get lost then I have to go to the nearest shop worker or mother and tell them I'm lost. I have your number on my ID necklace so I get them to call that."

You beam up at her and Mary laughs despite herself.

"You know, I think Tooney was right when she called you a little smartass."

You keep beaming. "Ella's just jealous she's not as smart as me."

"But at least she knows not to wander off in a store."

"I have Newton with me."

Mary gives you a pointed look, staring down at your very dopey dog who's only now growing into his service dog vest. He's great for your emotional regulation and anticipating meltdowns but for your physical protection, not so much.

"Still," Mary says," Let's just stay close, alright?"

You huff, muttering," Just because you don't speak French," but still keep close as Mary looks through the racks of costumes.

"And you're absolutely certain you want to match?"

"Yes."

"Alright then."

It's nowhere near your first Halloween with Mary but it's your first with Newton, your adorable service pup who enjoys things like sleeping on a heated blanket and accidentally treading on his own ears.

Usually, you choose something to match with Mary but you don't want Newton to feel left out, especially because of everything he does for you.

Newton's your best friend in the whole world, even more than the horses at the barn you go to for your lessons.

So this year, you're foregoing a matching outfit with Mary in favour of one with Newton which is what led to Mary spending hours looking for a shop in Paris that sold human costumes and dog costumes.

"What about this one?"

You wrinkle your nose up at the cheap ghost costume Mary holds up for you.

"That's basic," You complain, "Newton deserves better."

Newton seems to whine in agreement, sitting up on his haunches in the same way he begs for scraps when he's off duty.

"Fine," Mary grumbles," Fine. We'll find something better."

"Newton's a gentlemen," You continue," That's why he deserves a better costume."

Mary smiles fondly as you go look through the racks yourself.

Newton whines a little ten minutes later, wedging his body between you and the costumes when he notices how distressed you're getting.

Mary notices too, guiding you away from the dog section to ones more your size.

"Let's choose yours first," She says gently," Are we going scary or cute?"

"Cute," You mumble, running your hand through Newton's soft fur.

"How about these?"

Mary lets you be for the most part, taking items off the rack to show you the choices.

"That one," You mumble, already halfway to non-verbal as you repeatedly run a hand through Newton's fur," Please."

"Good choice, Birdie," Mary says," Shall we choose one for Newton today or-?"

You nod your head, shuffling back to the dog aisle as Mary throws your Belle dress into the basket.

You rifle through the racks quickly, though one hand remains rooted around Newton's leash.

"This one?" Mary checks as you pull one out for her to take. "You're going to be Belle and Newton's going to be the Beast."

You nod.

"Good choice," She says," Let's pay for these and we'll head home. There's some chocolate milk with your name on it."

[hotshotsxyz]

since forever

(buddie) (1.3k words) at no point in time while writing this did i have a single plan for where it was going. it's soft, it's sweet, it has minor spoilers for the blair witch project (1999)

Bizarrely, the first thing that occurs to Eddie post-realization is that he lied to a priest. The thought startles a laugh out of him. Whoops.

He feels good. Like—shockingly good. Light and optimistic and free, everything he’s been trying to let in since Father Brian gave him the go ahead to stop punishing himself, which—

It isn’t actually that he needed permission, especially not from a priest. Or maybe he did.

All he really knows is that this joy he’s letting in? It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t hurt him, or Chris or Buck or anyone else he loves. So when Eddie finally realizes why he’s been putting Buck in his own category for years, he doesn’t even try to put it back in the box.

He loves Buck. He wants Buck. And he’s allowed to want. It’s a good thing, even. And speaking of Buck—

His best friend/the love of his freaking life is staring at him like he’s grown two heads. Which, fair. He’s not entirely sure where they are in the movie, but as far as he recalls there isn’t much in the way of comedy in The Blair Witch Project.

It’s just—Buck was sitting on the literal edge of his seat, pillow clutched protectively to his chest, staring at the TV with eyes wider than dinner plates. Who in their right mind could see something like that and come to any conclusion other than love?

Buck pauses the movie.

“Do not tell me you think this,” he says, gesturing at the screen where, oof, yeah, a young woman is sobbing in terror, “isn’t scary.”

“No, no,” Eddie replies, “very scary.”

Buck snorts. “You’re such an asshole,” he says, but it’s wrapped in one of those warm grins that give him away every time.

Eddie hums agreeably.

“Alright, fine,” Buck says. He scoots closer until he’s flush against Eddie’s side. It’s really not that much of a scoot. “If you’re gonna go all brave strong man on me, I get to use you as a shield.”

“I guess I can live with that,” Eddie sighs. He wraps an arm around Buck’s shoulders, just because he wants to.

He can feel Buck’s exhale as he settles against his shoulder, and for all the times they’ve touched before, this feels different. Maybe it isn’t, though. Maybe Eddie’s just different.

As the tension in the movie ramps, Buck burrows further and further into Eddie. He kicks his feet up onto the couch and twists so that Eddie’s forearm falls from his shoulder and drapes across his chest instead. It’s maybe the most comfortable Eddie’s ever been.

On screen, the two remaining characters creep into a seemingly abandoned house. On the couch, Buck squeaks and grabs Eddie’s hand. This, he decides, is his new favorite movie.   

“We’re never going hiking again,” Buck declares as the credits roll.

“Sure,” Eddie says, shrugging with the shoulder that isn’t currently occupied by Buck’s head. “Until you see a cool trail on Instagram.”

“I’m serious!” Buck says. He tilts his head back until he can kind of make eye contact with Eddie. “I am not getting Blair Witched.”

Eddie hums, pretending to think about it. “How about we just… never go hiking in Maryland?” he proposes.

Buck grins up at him, and oh, Eddie has never wanted to kiss someone as much as he does in this exact moment.

“Deal,” Buck says. He sits back up and rests his head back against Eddie’s shoulder.

There’s a long stretch of quiet where Buck plays with his fingers and Eddie revels in the feeling of it. He thinks—he’s almost certain—that he could ask Buck for anything right now and he’d say yes.

Kiss me.

Move in with me.

Marry me.

His lips tick into a small smile at the thought, but he takes it no further.

“Hey, Eds?” Buck asks quietly.

The TV screen has shut itself off, leaving the room in semi-darkness, cut only by the light of the streetlamps outside.

“Yeah?”

“Something’s different,” he says. It’s not a question.

“It is,” Eddie acknowledges.

“Good different?”

Eddie considers for a moment. Something about the hour, the darkness, Buck’s warmth against his side, makes him feel brave. He presses the smallest, softest of kisses into Buck’s hair.

“Good different,” Eddie confirms.

“Oh,” Buck breathes.

“Good ‘oh’?” Eddie asks teasingly.

Buck flicks one of Eddie’s fingers in recompense. “If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you were fishing for something,” he says.

“If I am?”

Buck takes a shaky breath. “Then I’m gonna need you to spell it out for me, Eds.”

He sits up and turns to face Eddie directly, and as much as Eddie misses the warmth of his body, he wants to look Buck in the eye for this part.

“I love you,” Eddie says.

Buck’s lips part in an awed sort of surprise.

“I’m in love with you,” he continues. “I have been, for years, I think. I just… wasn’t ready to let myself look at it.”

“Eddie,” Buck says, already a little wrecked.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Eddie reassures. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“No, I—” Buck says quickly, stumbling over his words. “I didn’t—I’ve never even—” He looks down and his expression shifts, like he didn’t realize he was still holding on to Eddie’s hand. “You love me?” Buck asks, looking back up, eyes shining in the yellow glow of the streetlamps.

“Yeah,” Eddie says softly. “More than I think I knew was possible.”

Buck exhales in a punched-out kind of way. He raises a hand to Eddie’s face and ghosts two fingers along his cheekbone and down the line of his jaw. “I didn’t—I didn’t know I could,” he breathes.

“You can, Buck,” Eddie says. “Whatever you want, it’s—”

Buck surges forward and cuts him off with a kiss, and if there was a single doubt left in Eddie’s mind, this would’ve extinguished it. It’s a little messy, a little awkward, and the angle’s not quite right, but—

It’s Buck, so it’s perfect.

He pulls back, gasping for air. “I—I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”

Eddie catches one of his hands and rubs his thumb in soothing circles on Buck’s wrist. “Don’t be,” Eddie says softly. “It’s okay. If you need time—”

“No!” Buck says quickly. “Or—maybe? I just—” He blows out a sharp breath.

“Hey,” Eddie says, ducking his head until Buck meets his eye again. “I told you once that you didn’t need to be anything for anybody. That includes me, okay?”

“Jesus, Eddie,” Buck says.

“I’m just saying, you don’t have to make any decisions tonight. You don’t even have to want,” Eddie says, gesturing between them in lieu of finishing his sentence.

Buck sags a little. “Of course I want,” he whispers.

Warmth floods Eddie’s chest and overflows into his stomach. “Yeah?” he asks.

A slow smile spreads across Buck’s face. “Yeah,” he says. “I really do.”

Eddie has known happiness before, felt it in small bursts and long stretches. But what he’s feeling now—it’s blindingly bright, brilliant and beautiful and free of fear in a way he’s not sure he’s ever experienced.

“Can I kiss you again?” Buck asks breathily.

Eddie nods, not quite sure he can trust his tongue anymore.

This time, Buck leans forward deliberately. He cups Eddie’s face in his hands and tucks his nose against Eddie’s before carefully brushing their lips together. It’s featherlight and maddening in the best possible way.

He presses his lips against Eddie’s again, then teases them open with his tongue and—

God, if this is how it was always supposed to feel, Eddie’s pretty sure there are a few more revelations coming his way in the near future. For now, though, he just leans in.

“Oh!” Buck exclaims, popping back suddenly. “I love you, too,” he says. There’s something like wonder coloring his tone and writing itself across his face. “I really—Eddie, I think I’ve loved you forever.”

It’s not possible, not really. As difficult as it is to remember what it was like before his life became intertwined with Buck’s, that before still exists. Eddie knows that. But in his heart—he’s pretty sure his atoms started loving Buck’s at the beginning of the universe.

“Yeah,” Eddie says, drawing Buck back in. “Me too.”

[derealizationns]

"am i your wallpaper...?"

characters - ryomen sukuna x gn reader

synopsis - sukuna starts feeling unknown, scary emotions when he sees your lock screen wallpaper.

genre - fluff

warnings - sukuna might be a bit ooc, bc its so hard for me to write him...😭

from prompt special request (prompt #10) <3

"get off me, you insolent human." sukuna grumbled the moment that you threw yourself on his lap, whining about your exhausting day.

despite his harsh words, you still stayed in your place on the couch. you knew that man very well, and it wasn’t difficult to notice his smirk (though he tried really hard to hide it). that’s how you ended up with your head on his thighs, playing with the material of his shirt. in the meantime, sukuna was showing the not-so-obvious side of him—he was gently brushing his hand through your hair. even though he shows himself as an intimidating and fearful man, your lover has a soft spot for you. some people that are close with you could even say that you have him “wrapped around your finger," and that wouldn’t be a lie. right now, you’re just relaxing while the pink-haired man scrolls through his phone. he suddenly looks up at you when you start shifting and lift yourself from him.

“where are you going? i did not permit you to leave my side.” he complained, confused by your actions.

you rolled your eyes at his clinginess.

“i’m going to the bathroom; stop acting like you’ll die if i leave your sight, kuna,”you sigh with a smile. he was so cute.

you get up from the sofa and start heading towards the restroom. the moment you were away, sukuna’s smile widened. It was a brief while when he could show that he’s truly pleased by your closeness. suddenly, the king of curses hears something vibrating on the couch. he looks around in search for the source of the noise. that’s when he notices your phone lighting up. he squints his eyes, looking towards the device.

“no, that cannot be right.” your partner mumbles to himself, seeing the picture on your lock screen.

it looked like the one that you took after your last date, when you both were lying in bed. he can swear he’s seeing things, because why would you have this picture there? what was the purpose? sukuna’s chest is full of weird feelings; he’s shure he never felt before. why is he happy? Is that... the thing humans call “excitement”? ... no, that’s wrong. after all, he is the most powerful of all curses; he does not feel those trivial things, right? all of a sudden, he’s thrown out of his thoughts by quiet steps from the bathroom. your lover immediantly switches his attention from your phone to you. as soon as you see sukuna, you can tell that something is bothering him. you already know that he won’t tell you whats wrong, so you decide to bring it up yourself.

“hey, what’s got you so annoyed? you look like you just ate a lemon.” you try to start carefully and a bit playfully, but sukuna does not buy it.

“you, human. what were you thinking when you did that, huh?! i demand an answer.” pink-haired man ordered.

now you were seriously confused. you got him annoyed? but weren’t you just explaining to him that it’s just a quick trip to the bathroom, not a whole ass journey across the world? now you’re getting mad.

“the hell you’re talking about idiot?" you bark at him.

sukuna’s mouth opens but closes a second later.

“come on, spit it out already; you got something to say, then go on.” you force him to explain himself. your partner takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, like he’s bracing himself for an impact.

“am i your wallpaper...?” he almost whispers.

when you hear him, you almost choke on your saliva. what?! he acts all annoyed and everything because you have him on your lock screen?

“wha-...kuna, is that why you looked so dissatisfied earlier? i mean, i can change it if you want,  but...”

“did I say I want you to change it?” he asks loudly.

now he looks at you like you offended him. this man is truly a confusing one.

“no, but...” you try to continue, but he doesn’t let you.

“so be quiet. can’t listen to your rambling” sukuna cuts you off. you can’t help but start giggling. your man’s face is all red from embarrassment. he—ryomen sukuna, the king of curses—is blushing because his partner has him on their wallpaper. you jump back at the couch beside him, taking his face in your hands and squeezing his cheeks. his eyes widen at your action.

“you...how dare you... insolent human, you have the audacity...” he stutters, and you laugh more at him.

“you’re so cute, kuna… so incredibly adorable.” you teased and placed a soft kiss on his lips. when you pulled away, the curse man still had pink cheeks, but additionally a smile on his face.

“i like that picture.” he whispers. 

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ kirara’s notes . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

hi, hello, it’s me again! this is my first work from that prompt special request 🤍 i tried really hard to write sukuna as much in-character as i can, but it’s reallt hard for me to do it correctly 🥹 feel free to leave reviews! likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated <3

and thank you for reading this ~

[dogtoling]

General life- and blog update , since I assume at least a few people might have been wondering where I've been and what i've been up to recently. I obviously haven't been posting or drawing much this year in general. This will probably be an important post if you care about stuff on this blog, and I already rambled on Sheezy, but that site isn't very populated yet and it's also very good at hiding journals so let's just ramble again...

The summary of this post if you hate reading: I'm heavily considering just stepping away from Splatoon. That decision obviously would affect this blog (mostly, my OCs, which is kinda most of the blog at this point). I don't think the blog itself will go anywhere, and I'll probably use it for something in the future... alternatively i'll cherry pick stuff from here into an archive for people who like the worldbuilding.

Longer post under cut:

So what have I been up to this year? The answer is quite simple: NOTHING. Like, actually absolutely nothing. Aside from Art Fight, this has probably been one of my worst art output years of all time, which is really frustrating. That's between my horrendous mental health and depression chasms this year and a complete lack of both focus and inspiration (which can also get chalked down to the depression to a degree, yeah). So the very real reason to why there hasn't been much activity on this blog this year is because I just haven't Done Anything in general.

Now because I know there will be a few people who think "that's fine! you shouldn't judge yourself based on productivity!" you're right! I also agree. However the issue for me specifically is that most (if not all) the time I spend NOT drawing or creating, I spend sitting around wishing I could start drawing or creating, because that is like the 1 thing that keeps me sane on this freaking earth. Unfortunately coming up with OC scenarios in my head doesn't really result in output I can feel fulfilled by in any form as much as I wish it did, lol.

Now; The Issue. It doesn't take a genius to see that if you spend 9 months trying to finish like a dozen OC pages that you COULD do in a week or 2 if you wanted to, then there's probably more than just the problem of executive dysfunction (even though that's at least 60% of it for sure). Obviously my other major problem is that I live by imaginary rules and structures that make sense, but aren't actually useful at ALL in reality and are more than a hindrance if anything (the mental to do-list in my head that says i can't do X until I've done Y doesn't do very much if task Y takes 10 months and I also don't want to do it, and it also has no structured ending).

How does this tie into stepping away from Splatoon, you may ask. Well, the issue is that I have foreseeably fallen out of love with the series. Which isn't exactly news lol. Currently, I'm not even sure i will get the next game, if and when the time comes. Yes, the loss of interest is also expected, given that Splatoon 3 has ended and every fandom has this kind of downtime and lukewarm in-between-titles period. But the truth is that modern Splatoon (almost 10 years old!!!!) is tangibly different from the way the series was back when I fell in love with it. That was Splatoon 1, and while the series has improved in a lot of aspects and is thriving, it's grown in a direction that I just don't really like. Splatoon 3 had the most freaking horrendous, immersion breaking story mode they could've done, then they followed it up with a DLC story that was pretty cool but also compounded a lot of my fears about the series' future and played into every single thing i do not want Splatoon stories to be - fully character focused, random fucking villain, mundane event that's unrealistically world-threatening just because a kids video game needs a scary climax even though it's immersion breaking AGAIN, the whole thing taking place in cyberspace and thus offering basically no worldbuilding even though there is SO MUCH WORLD. I COULD GO ON.

The gist of it is that nowadays, rather than playing Splatoon and being inspired and excited at what comes next, I mostly find myself dreading what dumbass plot they will do next to throw a wrench in the otherwise good stuff. And when that's like THE main approach I have to what's supposed to be my favorite series, it is HARROWING. I can't even really blame the game for this; the story is NOT its selling point, the developers probably do their best to get the bits to us that they really want to tell, and at the end of the day the game is unfortunately a product. Worldbuilding for Splatoon is fun to a point. It's less fun when in order to actually write or create something coherent, instead of filling in the blanks, the blanks are 90% of the freaking thing. At that point you're just better off making something of your own instead of being anchored onto an IP that gives more problems than answers and occasionally shoots you with like a machine gun. Working in the realm of Splatoon is frustrating because more often than not, the questions I have ARE NOT MINE TO ANSWER, and the likelihood that the specific-ass questions I need answers to will ever be actually addressed is really low.

Tying this back to my OCs. Obviously I love my OCs more than I love myself which admittedly isn't that high of a bar but you get the point. The problem is that I spend a lot of time mulling over worldbuilding that, again, frankly isn't mine to do. Because if I want it to be Splatoon, then it should be mostly accurate to how Splatoon is! But the problem with that is that there's really not THAT MUCH worldbuilding in the series that you can work with, and most of the core game mechanics are just abstract enough that it's actually horrendous to try and come up with workarounds and ways for things to make sense that don't require just constructing a full knockoff version mirror dimension of the game and saying fuck everything that's in place here because Inkopolis Plaza literally has no roads in or out of there and I have no fucking idea how that's allowed when your only option is to jump the fence (or, nowadays, take the train which also isnt connected to a street as far as I remember). Between the face value issue and the lack of REALLY IMPORTANT worldbuilding, like - I will always come back to this - THE INK TANK'S FUNCTION 10 YEARS DOWN THE LINE - there's a goddamn ocean of plot holes and things that end up being obstacles to creativity rather than inspiration. I feel like I'm pretty solidly at the point (and have been for a while) where hanging onto Splatoon is really only contributing to creativity block and frustration with lack of freedom and the ability to actually do things.

So I guess those are my reasonings that I've put together just sitting here for the time being. The TL;DR is that I wish I could just do stuff without Splatoon's canon getting in the way, which is a really stupid problem to have if you're making Splatoon OCs. I feel this frustration extremely strongly every time I have to work with actual bigger aspects of the world; we still don't have an Inkopolis map, we don't know what the world around Inkopolis looks like, we don't know what the wilderness is like aside from Just Normal Forest and Desert and very few snippets as to what modern wildlife MIGHT be, I still don't know how the fuck the Inklings teleport to the goddamn arctic ocean to play a turf war at Shipshape Cargo co. These are all actually really important things if you're trying to establish a setting in any kind of storytelling that's outside of immediate city bounds (and even there, you need to know the layout of the city and its important areas). Also a fucking mutant bear and a baby salmon and a squid not wearing suitable gear went to space and fought on a rocket in space. These are some things that would give me peace of mind to not have to deal with in my own writing, probably.

So where do we go from here? Unsure. I haven't really made a decision on this front yet, though right now I'm leaning more towards actually going ahead with trying to do my own thing. That will result in obvious design and setting changes for my OCs whenever I get around to it. This blog probably won't go anywhere (again, unless I impulse delete it during a mood swing like i've almost done on like three separate occasions this year), but it will probably get less use, and I will probably end up making a new blog to post about whatever I end up doing once I get to a point where it feels like it makes sense. There's a chance that I will delete this blog and put all the interesting stuff on an archive blog for the people who are here just for the worldbuilding. My actual true passion for a long time now hasn't even been Splatoon anymore, it's just been cephalopods. I'm kind of done having Splatoon get in the way of the cephalopods, as thankful as I am that it introduced me to them...

If you read this to the end heres a treat for you = 🍪

[yuri-is-online]

Now I wanna know how Grim ranks the second years. Also I'm in pain from wisdom teeth removal

oh dear I have heard that really hurts, I hope you are ok!

The Great Grim's OFFICIAL Tier List: Take 2 (do not steal)

Riddle- 3/10. Grim likes Riddle a lot, but not in a "hench human should date him" sort of way. If Grim had the ability to understand dating beyond thinking it's cringe he would tell you he is concerned about how Riddle handles conflict and what that would mean for your relationship. He wants you to be with someone who will give you space to relax, and Rampaging Riddle isn't the best at that. Unfortunately, Grim isn't that articulate so he just says he thinks he's too short.

Ruggie- 6.5/10. Ruggie isn't someone Grim hates exactly? Sure you dating someone rich would be nice because then he could get better tuna, but the rich guys on this campus are kind of scary... the real problem with Ruggie is that he expects Grim to do his share of the work. And he isn't shy about how cute he thinks Grim's insistence that he is the one in charge, that stupid laugh will start haunting his dreams. At least the cooking is worth it.

Azul- 7/10. Grim knows he shouldn't trust Azul but he does sort of... look he likes what the sleazy Tako is selling alright? And once that sell starts turning towards a romantic relationship with you he will absolutely be a little shit trying to wing man for him with you. It's sort of pathetic watching how they interact, both of them are convinced they are outsmarting the other but really the only person who is winning here is you.

Jade- I am so happy for your ugly ass boyfriend/10. Grim would be very happy if Jade tripped and fell into a ditch somewhere. Unfortunately Jade is an eel so he would probably just swim out of it right back into your arms and fake cry about it. If he wasn't so scary he'd be a 0.

Floyd- 9/10. Grim and Floyd sort of get along? Or at least I think so, Floyd likes Grim and likes hanging out with him and Yuu. He's the most likely out of the octotrio to actually bribe Grim without some sort of trick or gimmick because he finds it funny to see just how many things the baby seal will eat. He misses a point because Grim doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of being perfect but that's ok, Floyd knows the truth c: (he's delulu)

Kalim- 9.5/10. Grim thinks Kalim is kind of stupid and keeps trying to feed him crackers, so he is a half point away from perfect but! Kalim has no problems spoiling Grim which is good enough for him. Most of the time, if he didn't have money Grim would have so many questions.

Jamil- 20/10. Jamil is cringey but he can cook. I think Grim probably would be happiest in the long run with the more "normal" guys and Jamil would probably end up being his favorite. He gets to eat good food, and while Jamil would still want him to work... work isn't something Jamil wants to govern his entire life so Grimmy would be very happy with Yuu's choice.

Silver- meh/10. I don't think Grim understands the appeal of someone like Silver tbh. If anything I think his blunt kuudere swagger scares the hoes, which includes Grim. Sure, Silver is pretty, but he also says some pretty fucking dumb things that make Grim wonder if he needs to be the smart one. Normally he'd love that but ah. He is starting to feel rather unqualified all of a sudden for some reason, are you sure you like this guy? What standard is he meeting exactly and can you maybe reconsider...

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 1 part 4

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1])

well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions

do you think it took Rio a long time to choose her revenge dress? did she agonize over every detail? I picture her process like, okay I need an outfit that says fuck you (threatening) but also fuck you (horny) and fuck me (very horny) and then circle all the way back to FUCK YOU THOUGH (VERY threatening)

as to why Rio goes from super soft to *that* - I see it as the equivalent of the TV trope where someone almost dies and their loved one is very concerned, but as soon as there's no danger they slap them around the head and call them a fucking idiot. this is Rio's WELCOME HOME, CHEATER moment (Agatha has been kiiiind of been cheating death, lbr)

this is the best way rio could choose to approach agatha too, and not only because it lets her express all that pent up anger. what would be the alternative? sit Agatha down and have a honest chat? Rio knows her too well, she knows it would be simply too much. Agatha *is* more comfortable with big bombastic scenes, with violence that is a lot like foreplay. Rio is looking out for her right now, she is making it as easier for Agatha as she can, while also not letting her get away with her bullshit any longer.

one little sentence, so many ways to read it

only physically. she's not letting you in. not anymore. you'll have to save her from herself kicking and screaming. dear god she's actually honestly crying. this is a WHOLE fucking deal. and it's also the first time she sees Rio while knowing WHO rio is. she's feeling all the feelings

girls. GIRLS. how am I supposed to take decent screenshots if you keep flinging each other at walls. keep STILL! (look at the furniture btw, isn't it a bit curved? I think they're still using a fisheye lens. reality is still shifting. almost as if we're in the presence of an otherworldly being)

oh the metaphor of it. sometimes you just have to reach out and connect, even if you get hurt in the process.

BECAUSE SHE'S BEEN SHIELDING FOR SO LONG TO HIDE FROM PAIN. OH MY GOD. did a 2000s emo kid write this

every other MCU fight wishes it were this perfect storm of hot and emotionally devastating

Rio cannot physically kill Agatha, it's not allowed, she's only the collector. So what is she trying to do, exactly? Has Agatha really been cheating death for so long that Rio has no choice but to bring her in? Or is she not here to collect at all and this is just her way to get back at her ex (and possibly win her back)? I adore both options, they're tragic in different ways.

time to bullshit! time to bolt! time to get to that escape route! this is what Agatha does best. anything but face the truth

funny how agatha usually has no problem looking undignified. it's almost like this is not the point at all. so let's review: wanda has stripped agatha of the powers that have been keeping her hidden from rio. rio comes over to confront her - and not kill her, she wouldn't be allowed anyway. she does it in a way that agatha would find less scary than having a mature convo. still, agatha has to face things she's been escaping for so long and it's simply too horrifying, too overwhelming. the fact that she's joking around so much (while her future conversations with rio will be sad, soft, dramatic) tells you just how scared and how miserable she is. She's begging rio to stop, because even fighting and flirting, which is their comfort zone, is proving too much. And what does rio do? She listens and goes away. only temporary, she won't let her off the hook now that she has found her. but she's still willing to go at Agatha's pace.

aubrey plaza I would die for your evil little face

can I just say that agatha trying to flirt right now is devastating? she is at the end of her rope. she does NOT want rio to stay, doesn't trust herself around her in so many ways. but she knows how much rio wants her and just... she tries to manipulate her with flirting. it's a desperate gamble, completely undignified, completely in character for agatha. she offers herself to rio, but only physically. when what they had was infinitely more than that, it was beautiful, it was sacred.

and rio... forgives her. she laughs another one of her little soft laughs and lowers the blade. plaza is so good here, the way she says "okay, agatha," is a perfect blend of resentment and tenderness. she knows agatha better than anyone ever had or ever will. she knows why she does everything she does. and she follows her lead. one last time.

agatha's relief. she's trembling, deflated but still on her guard. she looks completely traumatized. the masterpiece that this scene is: you feel smart when you realize that they're flirting rather than fighting. when it finally dawns on you the real weight of their encounter... it's too late.

"by the way there's a bunch of scary witches after you and I totally want them to kill you, that's why I'm telling you exactly who they are and when they're coming"

agatha tries with all her might to believe that rio is heartless. because anger is easier than sadness.

we're leaning, we're leaning, we're leaning!

rio licking agatha's wound to heal it perfectly encapsulates her feelings: anger, horniness, and infinite tenderness. what a power move. rio was the one in control this whole scene, and it wrecked agatha.

"te veo" (I'm gonna go scream in a pillow)

she's gone, honey, she's gone. breathe.

Billy walking on the two of them having sex would have been less awkward than this

she was a BIT preoccupied, kid

and episode 1 is in the bag!

next stop: IT'S LILIA TIME

go to episode 2 part 1

[parasolladyansy]

watching the rain

One last thing before I actually focus on DxP loool have a little mental health break with us & a relaxing rainy Pokemon playlist by shadowatnoon 🌧️

The rest of this post might be upsetting if topics like mental health, depression, or trauma are sensitive ones to you. If that’s you, maybe stop here, & just watch the rain with us (& take care of yourself, okay?) 🩵

.

.

.

.

.

So. “What now?”

For a lot of us, the world feels very scary right now. I’ve been going back & forth between wanting to hide & wanting to take action. The current atmosphere is familiar in a bad way, just as familiar as the ones who’re making it feel this unsafe. At least I’m not alone this time. I’d like to help anyone feeling alone now to not be, too.

With that in mind, I figured maybe it could be helpful if I shared some things that helped me when things were unsafe &/or unstable in my life.

If that sounds like something you may want or need right now for whatever reason, get comfy - I, uh, spent waaay more time than I planned to on this (been sitting in my drafts for days) 🫖

—

Decide you are going to make it through this

Right now, every day, & especially during those dark, starless nights.*

You have the right to exist & be happy. You have the right to live how you want, with whom you want, & you deserve the safety & security to live that life. That is your basic human right. So keep going. Keep living the best you can, even if your best is just “enough”.

*If you ever feel unsafe or self-destructive, reach out to someone safe - family, a friend, your therapist, 988 (the national crisis lifeline), or whoever can help you best in that moment. While it can be scary or embarrassing, you’re worth it 🩵

Stay grounded in the truth

Always hold onto who you are & what you know to be true. Always.

I really believe this was ultimately what got me out of the bad situations I was trapped in. Even when I was at the point when I constantly blamed myself or believed every awful thing I was taught about myself & the world, there was always a small part of me that still knew, “No. That’s not true. This isn’t right.”

This can take a lot of mental fortitude, especially if there’s an unsafe person trying to challenge your truth or identity, or if they are actively doing what they can to gaslight you (& your peers so they can pass their behavior off as acceptable, even “right”). If you find yourself in a spot where it’s not safe to freely be yourself, remember: so long as there’s a part of you that holds onto the truth, you can make it.

So hold onto that, even if it makes you confused, or so angry you feel sick - it’s confusing because reality doesn’t match up with the truth, & it makes you angry because it’s unjust that it doesn’t. No matter what people say, the sky is still blue.

Detox your contacts

Depending on who it is, this is going to SUCK, but I can absolutely promise you this: your relief will outweigh your grief. Every single time I’ve said goodbye to toxic / unsafe people, places, communities, etc. I was always happier for it in the end.

Could be as simple as setting reasonable boundaries (if you don’t know what boundaries are as once I didn’t, it’s basically your human right to say “no” & have personal space), or if they’ve proven they will not respect your boundaries, saying goodbye until / unless they will.

There are some you can’t make that healthy separation right now - maybe you’re a minor or dependent adult in a toxic home, or you don’t have another job lined up from your toxic one yet. Whatever your situation is, this where you try to keep things on your terms as much as you can, & do whatever you can to ensure your immediate well-being as you make any boundaries or exit plans as needed for your long term well-being.

I’ve been hearing a lot of stories of people uninviting folks (or themselves) from the upcoming holidays. Been there. If you find yourself having to spend it with limited / no company: it can be lonely at first, but it can also be really nice when I looked for ways to celebrate anyways (dive into all the nice things about the season, have a little Friendsgiving, or just have a cozy one at home) ^_^

Find safe people (but be careful)

I said in a post not long ago that unsafe people often try to isolate you so you feel all alone. It’s easy to feel alone when bad things are happening - that’s why it’s important to have safe people to turn to when they happen. Especially now, we need to be there for each other. 🩵

Here’s the “be careful” part: not all of your safe people will be able to be there for you in every kind of moment. Most are just your buddies you can laugh & play with, forget your worries for a while as you talk about the weather. Some can listen to your troubles & worries, offering whatever comfort or advice they can. Very few can be there with you when you’re IN the trouble, & stand by you as needed.

Depending on how vulnerable you are, it can be very easy to cling to the wrong one, which can be embarrassing at best, very unsafe at worst. Wait. Take a breath. Sleep on it if you have to. Take as much time as you need to assess if they’re the one to be with you in whatever way you need.

I can’t tell you how much easier it’s been for me to keep going no matter how bad things got with even one safe person to turn to. When you’ve found that person, be sure to treasure them! 🩵🩵🩵

Enjoy life whenever you can! ^0^

In times like this, it’s so important to remember that there ARE still good things, good people, good places in this world. We need to make time for these good things, even if just for a few minutes.

So dive into your hobbies, keep your passions alive! Hang out with your friends, play Pokémon, draw, read, write, swim, play with your pet. Dust off the instruments you’ve been neglecting, have an awful jam sesh, laugh about it, & keep playing until it sounds kinda okay! If you don’t have a hobby, find one - it can be a lot of fun to discover what you like! Whatever is in your means that makes you feel happy & alive, do that

The thing I’ve always turned to the most is drawing - I have all these old diaries & sketchbooks from when I was a kid of just doodles & comics. My school notebooks all the way up to college have margins full of drawings - doodling helped me stay in the present. Then I started posting them online over the years, made some friends, & here we are! ^7^

—

I can appreciate that this advice isn’t perfect, & it may not fit your exact circumstances. That’s okay - if there’s even just one good thing you can take from this, then I’m happy.

To anyone who might be struggling right now & feel hopeless: thank you so much for being here! I am overjoyed that you are still here with us, even when you had days, weeks, even years when all you wanted to do was give up (I know). Keep living. Keep smiling whenever you can. Keep reaching out. Keep weathering that storm, even when no one else can hear it thundering over you. I’ve found that when I kept going, it’ll clear up…usually before you realize it. 🌦️🌈

Stay safe out there. Lots of love,

Anastasia (aka Ansy) 🩵

[hootbon]

How do you come up with ideas for horror elements in your Freakshow AU?

I'm trying to make a horror au and also I want to make a completely original story too with horror elements and I wanted to know how you come up with ideas since you're one of the best horror creators I've seen

Why thank you, thank you, I think it simply depends on the type of horror you’re going for! Mine is much more psychological as well as some visual. The characters aren’t the most pleasant to the eyes but it isn’t horrific all the time. The au is scary because it presents a possibility, an idea that ‘hey this could very well be real’ and in fact a lot of it is based on real things people go through such as Stockholm syndrome. It’s a near inescapable situation with only one outcome and you know exactly what it is. Funny enough that’s why I do it in the au, it puts these traumas into perspective. You get to experience the horrors they feel too.. of course I’m treading lightly here because I try my best to do research. That said do research!! This is a great form of horror but only if you do it right, it scares the ever loving shit out of people psychologically but make sure you know what you’re doing of course.

Thus, the art of dystopia.. funny enough the original show is a dystopia in its own right, you just won’t notice how scary it really is under all the bright colors and lights. Funny enough all I’ve really done is push Caine’s idea to an extreme, a ringmaster who does what he’s programmed to, to entertain the masses with complete disregard to how any of those masses feel.

Though artistically.. look to a lot of analog horror, I use it a lot to base my drawings off of. Uncanny valley is your best friend because it bothers people, you don’t want to look at your favorite cartoon character with disfigured human eyes now do you? You don’t have to outright jumpscare to get the same affect, unnerving people works all the same. Darkness is also your friend, it’s a natural fear everyone has though often it’s always what lurks in it rather than the dark itself… or also go by my rule,

when in doubt, realistic eyes.

[antifainternational]

I'm 14 and I really want to do more antifa advocacy than posting about it on social media, but I live in a decently conservative area (part of the us state of georgia where if you said trump sucks half would cheer half would shoot you). And my parents don't let me go anywhere really & I don't think they'd like me being antifa. They aren't fascists or anything, they are american left (pretty much centrists), I think they would say it's too dangerous and honestly, they're right, I could easily get myself killed. And they do still say that good cop exist. What are some down low/sneaky ways to participate?

Homie, first off apologies for taking so long to write you back. We're glad you're here. You're not alone. We get tons of messages from people just like you, in the same situation of seeing how messed up things are and wanting to do something about it, but not knowing where to start or how to be safe doing it. Some thoughts/suggestions: -there have to be other people around you that feel the same way you do. Think about the kinds of people that bigots and fascists target and victimize - women, disabled people, LGTBQ+ folk, migrants, racialized people, religious minorities, etc. Look to see how those groups are organized in your area and then reach out to those organizations to ask how you can volunteer or support them. There might not be a mob of antifa black-bloccing their way around your town, but there's probably a migrant support group doing work, or an abortion rights network, or queer-support organizations, or racialized people doing good political work. Find them, reach out to them, see what they need and how you can help. -Anti-fascism doesn't have to be some big, scary, dramatic action. Truth is 99% of anti-fascist work are small things that, when done repeatedly, have a bigger cumulative effect. We've published a list of 30 antifa actions that we believe just about anyone could pull off, maybe with the help of a couple of friends. Find something you think you could do, do the thing, assess how it went and what could've gone better, and do it again or move on to the next thing! Let us know how it goes! Don't like any of the 30 ideas we listed? Well then check out Pop Mob/Spencer Sunshine's 40 Ways To Fight Fascists (print version available here). Now you have 40 more ideas! Another thought: maybe you could start an antifa student club (whether or not it's named somethign like that) - read our thoughts about starting student clubs for some ideas and tips! We hope this is useful and we hope that you find ways to get active in the fight, because the fight is about to get very, very real!

[quietlyblooms]

alright, friends, it's time for a lil heart-to-heart.

for quite a while now, i've struggled with feeling like the rpc is an actual community. there's a few things that contribute to this feeling, but it mostly comes down to a lack of interaction and visible interest. sometimes i feel very one-sided in my interest and attachment to my mutuals bc when i see their ooc posts or headcanons, i like them or comment, yet this isn't reciprocated by everyone. i can usually guess who i'm about to see in my notifications, and to be absolutely clear, i'm very grateful for those people!! it's a handful or two of you, but it could be just one and i'd be grateful. it's not about numbers whatsoever but rather growing uncomfortable that not all of my mutuals are all that interested in my character or me.

i write on here to share the excitement of creating with other people. i write on here to create together, too, but i'm also here to share characters and ideas and lore with people i know are happy to hear me ramble. i'm just getting to the point in which i'm questioning how many of you are actually happy to listen, and that's just not a good feeling at all. i'm not a mind reader, y'all. if you don't tell or show me that you care about the things i talk about or even about interacting, there's no way for me to know. eventually, i'm going to question why you're following me if i never see or hear from you, and eventually, i'm going to softblock and move on. that's the only way forward i see right now because i just do not feel comfortable on my own blog. i feel like i'm retreating into this quiet bubble to avoid discomfort, and it really sucks. it's killing my muse.

i'm not perfect. none of us are, and we can't be online at all times to catch every little post. but if we're a community, then we should be supporting each other when we can and liking headcanons, liking/commenting on those lil ooc posts that remind us our writing partners are humans with lives outside this site, reblogging their promo posts, sending in that meme they've reblogged even if we're nervous to reach out first -- if we're a roleplaying community, then we need to act like it. " community " implies connection, and a connection doesn't really begin when you follow each other. it begins when you reach out, even if it's in some small way.

tldr: i think we can all do better to support our mutuals and to connect, and i'm going to softblock people rather than continue to feel unsure where i stand with my mutuals. i won't start until sometime next week, and i won't make one of those " like this to remain mutuals " posts. they're not helpful to me, if i'm honest. if you're worried, just reach out. i'm literally a 4'9'' gremlin who sleeps with a m.unchlax plushie -- i promise i'm not scary despite this post uvu

[samwisethewitch]

I'm still very new to Roman polytheism and definitely still learning (which is why I don't post about it here very often) but right now I'm really resonating with Vesta as the goddess of "someone still has to do the dishes."

Yes, our democracy is on fire. Yes, we're all justifiably scared for the future. Yes, things are going to get worse before they get better. And someone still has to do the dishes.

Someone still has to do the dishes. Someone still needs to wash the laundry. Someone still needs to cook so we all have food to eat. Someone has to keep the lights on and keep the household running. And I associate Vesta so strongly with that work, with rolling up your sleeves and getting it done even when you feel terrible, because the work still needs doing. Because care -- of self and community -- is work and that work isn't going anywhere.

May Vesta give us the strength to keep the lights on, even when the world is chaotic and scary. 🔥

[darylsdelts]

I’ve been rambling in here sm but it’s cuz I have a lot of thoughts.

Basically I have an anxiety disorder right? I’ve gotten quite good and coping with it now stuff even though I have to have meds first it cuz it was getting too hard. But anyways, I’m at university now and every now and then I just remember that 3 months ago I wasn’t doing shit cuz i was so anxious and having panic attacks all the time… and now im at UNIVERSITY??

bro wtf.

its actually crazy.

i know that a lot of people may not end up going, more so in the UK, because of anxiousness around the change and having to do things alone.

i gotta say its really not as scary as they make it seem.

if i did it i think literally anyone can, especially since im so painfully shy and a bit of a weird kid.

its just kinda fun and its definitely helped me.

ok rant over.

[justafterjericho]

PEACKEEPING OCCUPATION?!!!ZAUN'S PERVERSE ABOMINATIONS???!!!! FUCK YOU CAITLYN!!!!!!! (I'm at the start of the 5th episode and had to take a pause and write this rant to calm myself xD)

But also on serious note I really like how they've been writting Caitlyn this seasons. I've been kinda annoyed at the forth episode and Caitlyn being all peaceful on Ambessa (while we see what's actually happening in Zaun), but in retrospect I really like it. Because it really shows that Catelyn is still Caitlyn.

I've seen posts here about how the Caitlyn we know is still in there and it kinda felt like what Vi did with Jinx the whole time in the 1st season - the "She's till there, I can reach her". Like 10 years old Powder (or however old was she in s1a1) was somewhere hidden (inprisoned) inside the whole nightmare that is Jinx (from Vi perspective) and the moment Vi reached her sister and "free her" Jinx would become the (idealised version of) little Powder. It was the kind of cliché that you can see in lots of media, but I'm pretty sure people actually don't work like that. Jinx is different from Powder because of shit ton of trauma but also because she's quite older. Her exsperiences shaped her and because they were so extreme, they shaped her extremely, but Jinx and Powder are the same person just at the different point of time. Jinx herself my visualise the change as POwder being death but that doesn't make it actually true. Vi, after her own trauma from the end of s1e3 and the years in prison views change as something inherently scary and when she realised both that her sister won't turn back to little Powder and that her sister is pretty unstable and quite terrible person who did terrible things, decided to continue her divorcing od Powder and Jinx but instead of trying to save Powder decided that Powder (her sister) is death and was killed by Jinx (not her sister) who's pretending to be Powder and thus defyling her memory. Which is quite interesting from the perspective of what it shows us about Vi and her phsyche but doesn't change that it isn't true. Vi my disown Jinx as her sister, that's her right and I wouldn't even really blame her (even though I symphatised with Jinx a lot in the first season and I actually really like her thgis one), but that doesn't change the fact that Powder survived and changed and became Jinx, Powder didn't die, she changed but she's still alive only now she's using a name Jinx.

Unlike Jinx, Caitlyn didn't actually changed during years of growing up from child to adult (or almost adult) after big traumatic event, for her there wasn't really that big of a time between the traumatic event and present time in act 2. I still kinda thought that she would like became this merciless dictator doing war crimes unrecognizable from Caityn in season one, but she didn't, not really. Well she's dictator doing and allowing terrible things to happen (including war crimes) but at the same time she's still quite recognizable as Caitlyn in what she's saying, in how she's thinking. She's not some nightmerish version of Caitlyn under which the "real Caitlyn" from season 1 can be found. She's Caitlyn who was traumatised and before that spent her whole life in very privileged positions raised with lots of biases, that now reared their ugly heads when they become justified to her. But she's not a wholy different person. And she doesn't see herself as a bad person - so she's justifiyng all her actions while being quite self-righteous (her conversation with Ambessa - it's easy to see the "Old Cait" here with the whole peaceful speaking, but you have to ignore the fact that she's actually in charge, Ambessa is manipulating her, yes, but Caitlyn is the one making decisions, Caitlyn is the one who made the decisions to "peacefully occupy" Zaun, who's letting all the police brutaloity happen and at the same time she's moralizing to Ambessa and I don't think she's seeing the irony).

[kyoteugly]

911 8x07 Hotshots

This episode didn’t give me much to work with, so it’s not really a meta post but something in between with my personal opinion. Mostly about Buck.

First of all I want to say that Tim commenting fandom through FlashRob and Hotshots - nice move. Also Bobby storyline - awesome! Love it! So much fun!

BUCK: Too many baking scenes for my taste. 3 time reminder can be a little annoying, but… I thought about it in context to the lightning strike and Brad saying his character is in a coma. Buck knows calling Tommy is wrong, because deep down it’s not Tommy he misses but how comfortable in his own skin he felt and of course the rush of new relationship which allowed him to explore his sexuality. So yes, baking is about Buck not understanding what his next move should be in terms of being bi. The line about which pond to jump into is the quintessence of his dilemma, the core of falling into baking string.  Tommy didn’t teach him anything, didn’t show him queer spaces, didn’t introduce him to people who would make Buck feel more sure/comfortable about his sexuality. Buck didn’t seem to need it, because he felt comfortable with Tommy, and this is what is drawing him back. It can be scary to take that step alone, and while I have no doubt Buck wouldn’t have a problem flirting with guys, I believe he is stuck at the start line, meaning he doesn’t know which guys he can flirt with. It’s not rocket science, but when you’re sitting alone at home, thinking you want some intimacy with a male friend, you suddenly realize you have no idea what to do, where to look, so it’s natural you miss and seek familiarity.  Let’s circle back for a moment. Buck said he doesn’t know which pond to jump into… he didn’t say he doesn’t want to jump at all, or that he’s not ready. And this is why I think his obsessive baking has nothing to do with Tommy and everything to do with his sexuality and understanding himself. He followed an easy path - a guy kissed him (confusing him about his feelings by the way), they got into a relationship and he never analyzed it too deeply what it meant to him. Now he’s left to figure it out by himself. And here is where coma comes into play. Buck is stuck right now, unsure, a little lost. If you want to go further you can say his world has changed and he has to learn the rules anew (like in his dream). The key to waking up from a coma was to realize that being Buck is enough. Well, it’s still true in terms of his sexuality, and I think that calling himself ‘bisexual’ on screen would be a nice end to his struggle and a nice step forward. 

It would be really funny if Buck would figure himself out in the same episode that Brad’s character would wake up from coma. 

Another thing about Buck I want to mention is more sweet and Buddie related.  The scene in the firehouse, how Eddie steals Buck’s phone, playing hot potato with it. Come on, it’s basically a school puppy courting. If Buck had braids Eddie would be pulling them. And Buck even asked the teacher for help, and Bobby actually had to admonish/tap Eddie to give Buck his phone back. It’s a nice way to show that Buck is not alone, and his family, however savage sometimes, are there for him. It’s also a nice way to show goofy Eddie, the one who tries to be joyful (that little hop over the couch, awww), and it’s easy and natural with Buck. This scene also made me think about what Maddie said: “So does this boy-crush on Eddie mean you’re finally ready to move on from Abby?” I’m probably seeing too much into this, but it makes me happy so… who cares!

Now, I see a lot of people upset about Buck and Eddie being stuck, like there is no progress compared to the last episode. But I think it’s not that bad. These things, figuring yourself out, takes time, and I believe Tim is taking every opportunity to tell their individual stories right. It’s better to drop a few short scenes telling the audience “Buck is struggling, Eddie is choosing joy” than put something more significant into the episode with 2 other big plotlines. I know it feels like Buck and Eddie are on two different paths, parallel to each other, but those paths will meet eventually and we won’t be prepared for that. 

We should watch our backs, because something is coming right at us. This is actually the theme of this episode…

Starting with Athena - at that sting operation, when she was told she’ll have a rookie and later when she shares her opinion about him. Gerrard and Bobby have Brad creeping behind them. Eddie get scared by the Chief, and of course his scene with Buck when he gives the phone back (and this one is the closest of them all).

Now… I would ignore it, call it a comic relief if that would happen once or twice (Athena with the rookie, and Bobby with Brad), but seven times? Something’s up… And I have a feeling it's about next episode. Maybe someone's past will catch up to them, or someone will hear something they shouldn't, or not being aware of their surroundings will put them in danger... I don't know, there is something ominous about it. Or you know, I missed something deeper in this episode or this is a message for us, fans, like I said, to watch ourselves because we have no idea what’s coming. Or maybe... someone is watching us...

[chickensarentcheap]

Trying to wake the muse!

Excerpt from Best Part of Me

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@watermeezer

I know there's more....

It's disheartening, to say the least; when you look in the mirror and no longer recognize yourself. He'd thought it would be different; the job and the horrors that often came with it turning him into a tougher person, not a weaker one. It doesn't matter how strong he appears on the outside; on the inside, he often feels weak and vulnerable and absolutely fucking hates it.

Even at an empty park, he can't fully relax. Eyes constantly scanning the treeline instead of concentrating solely on his children; attention diverted from them with each car or pedestrian that passes by. He despises it; the seemingly constant state of alertness. By now he'd thought it would be getting better; it's been six months since he's left the job. But it only seems to be getting worse.

Still, he toughens it out; planting a smile on his face as he tries his best to acknowledge every time one of the kids yells 'daddy look!'. Resisting the urge to constantly survey his surroundings.

He's sitting on one of the park benches -baby laying along his forearm as he feeds her from a bottle he'd brought with him from the car- when his namesake saunters over. Yawning loudly as he plops down beside him.; on his side with his legs tucked into his core, head resting on Tyler's thigh. A small, dirty hand reaching out to take hold of the bottle so his dad can drape his arm over him.

“What's up?” Tyler asks, as he rubs his son's shoulder. “Tired?”

TJ shrugs.

“You wanna talk about what's going on at school? Because what the fuck, mate?”

TJ looks up at him, grinning.

“Don't tell your mom I say that word around you guys, okay?”

“Okay,” TJ agrees, and once against rests his cheek on Tyler's leg.

“You can't do sh...things...like that at school. You can't do them anywhere. Not even at home. I know you get pissed off but you can't freak out like that. Throw chairs and desks and sh...stuff...like that. You just can't. You hear me?”

“I can't help it,” his son says. “I really can't.”

“What do you mean you can't? You know what you're doing, yeah? Well if you know what you're doing, you can help it. You've got to calm down. Take a breath when you feel like that. Ask the teacher to leave the room. We talked about this. More than once.”

“I can't help it,” TJ insists. “It just happens. I just get so mad. I get so mad and I just do things.”

“What makes you mad?”

“I don't know. Lots of stuff. When there's too much noise and I can't hear the teacher. When someone chews their food too loud. When someone says mean things. Not just me but to other people. Makes me want to punch them right in the face!”

“Well let's not go around punching people in the face, okay? You need to learn to calm yourself down. You can't act like that. Not at school, not at home, not anywhere. Do you see me throwing stuff around when I get mad?”

“No. You just yell a lot. And really loud too.”

“Okay, well that's not exactly the best way to handle things either,” Tyler admits. “I shouldn't yell like that. Especially not at your mom. And especially not at you guys. It's scary, yeah? When I yell?”

“A little,” TJ says. “It's a little scary.”

It hurts his heart to hear that; he remembers being a scared little boy hiding in his bedroom closet as his father went on rampages. But he never stopped at just yelling; he took things that extra step, using his fists and his feet and anything he could get his hands on to terrorize Tyler's mother. And eventually Tyler himself. And he swore he'd never be like that. That he would never, ever cause that same kind of torment.

“I hate my brain,” his son laments. “I hate how it works. It doesn't work right.”

Tyler sighs. He can understand that feeling; his own brain is a fucking disaster. He can't help but wonder if maybe some of this is his fault. If maybe he's always been messed up but it didn't surface until he was older. If maybe Austin's cancer and his abandonment of him had been what kick started the whole thing. And if maybe he's the reason why TJ is the way he is. That he's passed down some damaged gene that is causing his namesake the issues he's going through.

There it is. Guilt. It always finds him. Regardless of the situation.

“You'll fix it, right daddy?” TJ asks, those blue eyes full of tears as he looks up at him. “My brain? You'll fix it right?”