#because theyre afraid of abandonment over getting therapy..”

[neoskizzle-mp4]

learning about beatles lore is crazy because therapy wouldve prevented john from doing half the shit he did

[kdramaxoxo]

hihi!! i wanna ask for a list of dramas with a lead whos cold, mysterious, haunted by a troubled past, secretive, prolly has a vocabulary of like 10 words. but is super soft on the inside, like they push ppl away cus theyre afraid of hurting them or being abandoned or smthn like that. ik this is hyper specific so sryyy if its hard to answer, but all my fave characters fit this bill so wanted to kno if u have any kdrama that can give me this high (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧ thxxx!! ♡

p.s. it doesnt have to b exxxactly this but if it fits a few of the categories, ill be happi! ♡♡

We LOVE mysterious haunted trauma babies over here so thank you for this ask. (also this might be one of my favorite lists ever??)

K-Dramas leads with cold personalities/mysterious past, secretive trauma pups...morally grey a plus

The Smile has left your eyes - Kim Moo-Young Aside from this k-drama being a masterpiece that’ll leave you a pile of tears, Seo in Guk as Kim Moo-Young is the perfect example of a morally grey character you will fall in love with. He’s involved in a murder plot line, uses women to get what he wants and is clearly hiding something. You’ll try to resist being interested in him sure, but you’ll fail.

Beyond Evil - both leads This is a passionate unrequited romance crime drama about two detectives that are paired up to solve a crime in a small town. Everyone is really messed up and that's what makes this drama super good! Scary, haunted and super well written.

Tale of the Nine Tailed 1938 - Lee Rang Lee Rang is one of my favorite trauma pup blorbo from my shows! This drama is the second season of the fantasy drama Tale of the Nine Tailed. I recommend you watch both but season two was my favorite because it focused on Lee Rang. You will LOVE HIM! MUST PROTEC.

Alice The Final Weapon - Gyeo Wool Finally a GIRL with a traumatic past and the boy who loves her!! Actually everyone in this drama is messed up and dealing with horrific things. It's a very short and creative little drama and despite the gore, I really fell for the mains! They are blorbo from my shows!

See You In My 19th Life (both leads) This drama featuring a woman who can remember her past lives was one of my favorites this year! Both leads are tackling the trauma of the FL's death and there is a lot of healing that has to happen. Shin Hye Sun is a goddess!

The Eighth Sense - Jae Won A queer kdrama about two leads that meet surfing and fall in love. This drama is my favorite "bl" k-drama ever and the lead definitely has a traumatic past he's in therapy for. I highly recommend this one!

Flower of Evil - Hyun Soo: A psychological thriller centered around a jewelry maker who is running from his past, and his cop wife (power couple alert!)  who doesn’t know his original identity. The chemistry of the couple is amazing and all of the characters are nuanced and interesting. I was on the edge of my seat, AND sobbing! Also, I finally understand Lee Jun Ki stans, he was SO GOOD in this! A total trauma pup you won't believe it.

Doom at Your Service: Doom A girl is diagnosed with cancer and a morally grey god grants her wish to live 100 more days the way she wants to live. While I didn't LOVE this drama, the romance is amazing - that KISS! Doom is the perfect damaged god with a chip on his shoulder.

Hello Monster - Lee Hyun and His Brother Jung Sun-Ho Featuring two brothers who have a murderous backstory, both are morally grey. Sure one is definitely “worse” than the other when it comes to being a murder baby but let’s face it - they both have their problems (sorry, didn’t want to post any spoilers so that’s all I can say about that!)

The Crowned Clown: Ha-seon The King The contrast between the good guy and the bad guy in this historical drama are so interesting to watch because one brilliant actor (Yeo Jin Goo) plays the same character. The king is insane and a murderer. He’s terrible in every way with literally no way to be redeemed but you’ll still feel for him…just watch.

My Liberation Notes - Mr. Gu This slice of life takes place mostly in a small town where siblings who really don't want to be there, live. Mr. Gu is renting one of the buildings and he's extremely burdened and and keeps to himself. I personally didn't ship him with the lead but he's definitely the type you're asking for!

Scarlet Heart Ryeo: Wang Soo Scarlet heart will destroy you, but you’ll also find yourself deeply empathetic to (and totally in love with) the most toxic of princes: Wang Soo. Cast out by his relatives, and treated like an animal he’s deeply wounded and despite knowing in your heart that he’s done terrible things, you’ll find yourself making excuses for him and imagining him as your boyfriend (wait…can you ignore that last sentence?)

Summer Strike - Both leads This slice of life has a quiet and thoughtful male lead who is traumatized by the murder of his sibling. I was a little disappointed in the ending but overall the show's mains were so soft and lovely.

Just Between Lovers - Both leads but. Kang Doo! I'm sure you knew I'd put this on the list but kang doo is my favorite trauma baby of all time. Slice of Life romance between poor pups just trying to live! The OTP is one of my favorite couples EVER and even as the years go on, very few couples have matched their love in my opinion. There’s a lot of comfort/healing themes with for me is just *chef’s kiss.* Lee Junho became my bias wrecker because of that drama.

Psycho But It’s Okay - Everyone A gorgeous k-drama using fairytale narrations as a backdrop, features two brothers who lost their mother, and a beautiful & famous author who grew up in a traumatic and abusive household. Everyone is very closed off and holding onto intense pain, but the three come together to help one another move on and find happiness. Gorgeous angsty and melodramatic romance.

Thirty But Seventeen - Woo Jin Precious puppies with past trauma! The main has basically stopped living his life because of his past. Don’t be turned off by the shows description as it turned out to be one of the best surprises of 2018 for me. The leads are lovely and everyone relies and supports one another - it’s so sweet.

Come and Hug Me - Do Jin This thriller is not for the faint of heart but the main theme is healing. Two friends are torn apart when the boy’s dad kills the girls entire family. Later in life, they find one another and walk on the path to healing while still being tormented by their past. It also focuses on the trauma and manipulation the killer has on the whole family, making the show beautiful, terrifying and heartbreaking at the same time. 

Goblin: Grim Reaper Most of you have watched this drama but I’ll try hard not to spoil it. The Grim Reaper is such a hilarious character in the current time line but in order to be a Grim Reaper, you have to have done something “bad” to become one. His pain is deep and cutting and you’ll want to protect him.

It’s Okay that’s love: Jang Jae-yeol This is one of those cold male leads that you’ll just end up liking even though he’s kinda the worst in that “Pickup Artist” type of way? I had this show listed in my top 10 but then I recently watched it again and realized I’ve made progress in my “don’t like jerks who display jerk behavior” because he’s kinda an ass. You’ll soften for him when the plot moves along for sure, but he’s aggressive and says really sexist things sometimes (as does most of the male characters honestly - i really need to remove this from my top 10)…

Enjoy!

[sonderastrology]

Astrology Culture - Venus Signs

Aries Venus:

🌹Upfront and bold about feelings - not afraid to “shoot their shot”

🌹Aries Venuses are huge support systems; even if they don't understand, they will still be there for you and listen

🌹High energy beings physically and/or mentally - people who can’t stay still for too long, always onto the next topic or lover

🌹Probably work out a lot and/or naturally strong and defined

🌹A sense of style to die for and a sense of humor to match

🌹Impulsive and feisty lil bitches 

🌹Intense eyes and sexy eye contact

🌹Outgoing and bubbly for the most part, this placement find it easy to socialize

Taurus Venus:

🌱Fall for physically beautiful people

🌱Controlling.,.,!

🌱Fear of abandonment x12

🌱BUT, these people are so loyal, supportive, reliable (like Leo Venus but less fiery and more down to earth)

🌱When taurus venus is single, they’re flirtatious and love to socialize/party/go out

🌱When taurus venus is in a relationship, they would much rather stick to dinner dates and hang out at home

🌱Will fight you if you mess with their friends and esp their family

🌱Ask these people for restaurant recommendations!!! they know what's up when it comes to good food 

🌱These people know their worth so don’t try fucking them over or treating them like shit!

Gemini Venus:

🦋Friendzones everyone but hates being friendzoned

🦋They don’t flirt with everyone; they’re just hot and like to talk 

🦋Shows off infront of a crowd

🦋Gemini Venuses get bored fasssst 

🦋When these people are in a relationship, its usually for long periods of time

🦋Hard to pin these people down

🦋Many hobbies that they're actually great at

🦋Good at being friends with benefits

Cancer Venus:

🦀CEO of “I’m baby” 

🦀This placement lovesss makeup/fashion, overall loves looking good

🦀They love the good things in life like Taurus and fall for the physically beautiful ones

🦀You get hurt cause you care way too much

🦀Will go out for amdrive just to blare sad music and calls it therapy

🦀I’ve noticed cancer venus has a hard time with love :((( poor babies

🦀Moody crab

🦀Gives level headed advice to people but does psycho shit themselves

Leo Venus:

YAASS MS. LEO VENUS! WORK!

☀️Ride or die type

☀️Jealous and possessive in relationships

☀️Leo venus are actually more homebodies, but when they go out, they’re the life of the party

☀️Attract people naturally

☀️Distinctive feature; hair, dimples, beautiful eyes, freckles, big smile, something!

☀️When they dress up, they go all out- queens

☀️So naturally beautiful 

☀️Put a lot of time into themselves and hobbies

Virgo Venus: 

🐢Their shy and seem emotionless around their crushes but they're freaking out on the inside

🐢Hard time communicating emotions, more into acts of service

🐢Freaks! in! the! Sheets!

🐢Neat and clean 

🐢Their style is simple and elegant, probably loves jewelry

🐢Don’t forget anything but they forgive easily because theyre understanding

🐢It hurts them to leave people, but it hurts the people being left a million times more - it takes a lot of hurt for a Virgo to leave someone

🐢Calendars, agendas, to do lists

Libra Venus:

🎀These people are hot asf, something about them is just ooufff

🎀Flirts via texting, snapchat, twitter dm, tinder- all of them

🎀Gigglers

🎀Hi Gossip! How are ya? :)

🎀Their style is trendy, cute, and eye catching!

🎀Definitely artistic asfff

🎀You have to be interesting, confident, and different to get a libra venus to love you

🎀These people are really kind and sweet - sometimes it comes off as fake but they just HATE rude people

🎀Most aesthiecally pleasing instagram accounts

Scorpio venus:

🧿They will stare at you

🧿Will make the first move if you’re taking too long

🧿Get addicted to people and things easily

🧿Love love music

🧿Loners 

🧿Scorpio Venuses will keep your darkest secrets safe and will always be there for you no matter what!

🧿Ride or die

🧿Tendency to stalk and obsess over their exes social media pages 

Sagittarius Venus:

☄️Late bloomers 

☄️Never really grow up, but they’re fun asf and always looking to do something fun

☄️Goes on vacation to DO THINGS- hike, skydive, tour museums, etc ... not a resorty type

☄️Music taste to die for, best at playlist making

☄️SOOOO funny 

☄️Reckless and do crazy things for attention

☄️Skater vibe

☄️Luck at extremes- very unlucky then very very lucky 

Capricorn Venus:

🪐Daddy issues of some kind

🪐Won’t say I love you first and won't say it for awhile

🪐Work and money oriented

🪐Acts of service typa love like virgo venus

🪐Low sex drive but when they’re up for it, they’re freakkkkyyyy

🪐Likes to dress in dark colors; cranberry, army green, navy blue

🪐Mysterious and hard to know fully

🪐Will have the same crush for years and years

Aquarius Venus:

💎Falls inlove with their best friends

💎Probably hates spending time with their loved one’s family

💎Difficult relationship with parents, they like to rebell and be independent

💎Knows so much about every thing, and loves learning about things

💎 “I think they're copying me”

💎Can be mean/cold but don’t realize it

💎Anxietyyyy from a young age esp socially

💎Very very smart but most of the time not academically - they hate structured environments

Pisces Venus:

👣Sleeps with the same stuffed animal they’ve had since they were born

👣Has pets and connects with animals deeply

👣They aren’t stupid, they’re just dissociating! 

👣Forgets what they’re saying in the middle of a sentence

👣Highly attuned beings, psychic powers

👣They fall in and out of love 5 times a day

👣Gives people the benefit of the doubt, always

[yikesharringrove]

I've always related a lot to Billy and I just would love to see him maybe like crying after going to his first session of anger management or therapy because his problems EXIST AND THEYRE VALID and Steve was like the one who introduced him to the idea after they started dating and is so proud of him and uwuwuwuwu

Billy turned the key, killing the car’s ignition.

He stared out through the windshield at the little apartment building.

He was exhausted.

He had just had his very first therapy session.

An hour spent talking about his dad and his mom and all his fucking anger.

How every fight was Steve was so goddamn scary, how Billy had to wrestle with himself not to snap, to hurt Steve.

“I usually just leave. I tell him that I’m not breaking up with him but I need a minute. Go on a walk.”

“It’s really brave of you to take yourself out of potentially triggering situations. You know yourself well.”

“It just fucking sucks because like, Steve has abandonment issues, and I don’t wanna give him more issues, you know?”

“But you just said you make it clear to him that you’re not ending your relationship, you’re simply taking the time you need in order to get yourself in check. You can’t constantly be thinking of others when you need to be caring about yourself.”

“I guess.”

“It makes sense that you’re scared of becoming your father. That’s the only example of how a man acts in a relationship you had, but even without professional help, you’ve been making strides to break that cycle in yourself. That’s powerful. And something to be proud of.”

Billy took a stuttering breath.

He had already cried in the session.

And here he was, crying in his car outside of his and Steve’s place.

He knew Steve was waiting inside for him. Probably wringing his hands with that little concerned face of his. Probably already had dinner on the table. Probably had brownies in the oven, ice cream in the freezer.

But Billy couldn’t bring himself to move, just hunched over the steering wheel, crying his heart out.

There was a tap on his passenger window.

And there was Steve, wearing that little concerned face, holding a bowl with two spoons.

Billy unlocked the car.

Steve slid into the seat, offered Billy one of the spoons and the bowl, a warm brownie underneath a large scoop of rapidly melting ice cream.

Jesus, Billy knows Steve better than he knows himself.

“How was it?”

“Good. It was a lot, but like, in a good way.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“Just like, being validated like that. It felt good. Like, I know you do it, and I appreciate it, but sometimes I get in my head that you like, are just saying it, even when I know you’re not.”

“I do mean it. Every time. But it’s still nice to hear it from someone else, I get it.”

“I’m gonna do every week, and then he recommended some places for anger management and that’ll be every other week.”

“That’s really good, Bill. I’m proud of you.” Billy huffed a laugh, still had wetness on his cheeks.

“He said I should be proud of myself. That I’m working to end the cycle of abuse, or whatever.”

“You should be proud of yourself. That’s, that’s huge.” Billy just took a bite of the brownie.

“I guess.”

Steve just threw him a look.

“Yeah, okay. I’m doing good.”

“Yes, you are. And it’s nice to hear you say it.” They shared the brownie in silence.

“It’s your turn though, you know? For therapy.” Steve sighed.

“Yeah, I know.” He had spent all this time looking for someone for Billy to go and see, and never once tried to find someone for himself. “Let’s just celebrate you, though. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

“Crazy thing about me, the shrink said when you grow up being abused, you assume everything you do isn’t good enough because usually it wasn’t. So, you know. There’s that.” Steve just studied his face.

“It makes sense. And I hope you know you’re good enough for me. Always have been.”

“Nah, I can be better for you. Isn’t that the whole point of me going to therapy?”

“More to be better for you. I know you, Bill. I see the way you get so damn scared you’re going to hurt me. Doesn’t matter that I know you won’t. You think you’re gonna because that’s all you knew. But you’re going so that you can stop being so afraid of yourself. So that you can learn to care about yourself the way I care about you.”

“Don’t even know why I’m seeing that shrink. You just said all the same shit he did.” But Billy’s heart felt warm, and his soul felt a little lighter.

It’s like Steve could sense the weight that had been lifted off of Billy. He smiled brightly at him.

“Quit moping. I made pasta.”

“From-”

“Yes, from scratch. I know how to treat my man.”

Billy just laughed as he got out of the car.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, eps 1-5 thoughts! opening the new season with episodes like these kinda blew me away. we had multiple serious episodes INCLUDING a two parter!! also, valerie :)

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-I don't know what I expected s2 to open with. but danny portal incident in more detail was not it. (also, I hate to break it to you, sam, but danny's parent's bigass ghost hunting rv def chugs more gas than those vehicles, lmao. unless it runs on ectoplasm or something...)

-WHY WAS DESIREE IN THE SEWER? HAVING TEA WITH IT DOWN THERE?? Her making the giant cow come alive is a boss move, we've almost had all of my fav animals as ghosts now <3 I also don't like how sam was expecting danny to just, haunt the place so the cars wouldn't get sold? I KNOWWW I know she's 14 (and I had a very annoying phase like this, I think I mentioned in a previous post, I GET IT) but they're HIS powers, and messing with (1) dealership will not really put a dent in sales overall because they can just move the cars to another sales lot, and it certainly wont change the industry anyway, it's more of a minor annoyance for (1) location. Also, usually people who work at car sales places work on commission, so if they dont make a sale, they don't have money to pay bills, or eat. sam baby if u wanna be an activist you need to like, actually look into these things. with as much money as her parents have, she could be doing a lot..more useful things for causes she cares about? it's frustrating to see someone with resources who doesn't know how to use them. but shes 14 so again. cannot be really upset :/

-IS THIS A PREDATOR VS TERMINATOR VS FREDDY KRUEGER MOVIE BUT THEYRE ALL WOMEN?? you know, sam is so right to be excited about this. /I/ want to see this movie. that rules

-paulina inviting danny and friends to her quinceañera, aw! even if it is just to get phantom to show up :') and there'll be a meteor shower, and we KNOW danny wants to be an astronaut!! there's not a meteor shower every night!! the tickets are non-refundable, but..she's rich? like. gotta agree with danny, they never get invited!! I KNOW it's the principle of keeping promises, but if she was that upset, she should've said something. directly. I hated how she was like, passive aggressive about it through the episode, like you SAID IT WAS FINE, THAT YOU'D GO TO THE PARTY TOO. MOVIES SHOW FOR A FEW WEEKS IN THEATERS. IF YOU HAD A REAL PROBLEM YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. WE'VE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE, SAM. YOUR FRIENDS. ARE NOT. MIND READERS.

-MR. LANCER GOING AFTER THE GHOST WITH THE FIRE EXTINGISHER LMAO

-this outfit is everything . anytime the show does an over the top cutesty pink outfit i WANT IT. it looks like shit I wear JKASDHF I HAVE a bow like that and a pink sweater. I need leg warmers </3

-SAMS GOTTA RE-HALF-KILL HIM??? thats fucked up. but also, he finally got his logo!! it took until s2!!! this episode was lowkey very fucked and I felt like it glossed over a lot. does sam have guilt about like. kinda KILLING HIM?? I know, he also agreed and walked into the portal. but. she made the choice to redo it SO quickly (even if it was because someone had to beat desiree) and danny, during their fight, brought up a lot of stuff sam's done in the past, meaning he was holding onto those memories and resentment was building. (I KEEP SAYING HE LOWKEY NEEDS THERAPY, BUT I THINK MOST EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW KINDA DOES) which...is a red flag? and then they didnt even GO to the party URGH I know she tried to make up for it, but it really felt like Sam fucked up and barely faced any consequences and got everything she wanted in the end. I KNOW it's a kids show obv they aren't going to go too in depth, and she undid the damage, kinda, but...I DUNNO how to articulate it but it rubbed me the wrong way.

-but on a note about desiree, her powers of wishes were STRONG ENOUGH TO ERASE NOT JUST THEIR MEMORIES, BUT DANNY'S POWERS?! fuck, if I was danny I'd be like, trying to make friends with her. I know they always have horrible side effects as most genie-granted wishes do, but...c'mon, I'd at least TRY to be like 'I wish no ghosts would hurt anyone in my town' or 'I wish vlad would lose his ghost powers forever no matter What and also forget about my mom' LIKE. SHIT DESIREE IS SO POWERFUL. rewriting reality powerful, basically!! appreciate her. respect her.

-aww, sam helping tucker pass the nurse's office so he wouldn't see because he's afraid of medical stuff? very sweet. I also don't like medical stuff, I've gotten a lot better at handling it tho. but seeing blood and needles still makes me feel lightheaded x_x

-FOLEY, BY TUCKER FOLEY. I want to make my own perfume, that's so cool. even if his first attempt isn't good, he's pretty consistently shown to have an inventor/entrepreneur streak in the show, so like. I can see him inventing or making something (or several somethings) that make him $$$ when he grows up :) proud of my creative son

-I know the 'creepy abandoned hospital on the edge of town' is a joke and the creepy hospital trope is so Worn Out, but in my town we actually DO have a hospital like that! my dad was born in it, but its not in use and hasn't been for, like, 20 years! it needs to be torn down but I think the city doesn't wanna pay the money. the inside is horrible, spray painted and broken glass and shit everywhere. but there's still like, rusty equipment and fucking DOLLS all over the place. the cops drive by it pretty frequently to make sure no one is like, breaking in. (because of water damage, some of the areas really aren't safe. also, asbestos, but people still go in anyway) but also, some of my town was used in a filming for a stephen king show. So it's lowkey spooky all over. just a fun personal tidbit :) to lead into saying, any hospital abandoned for any period of time is NOT safe to quarantine these kids in JKSAHDKF like I KNOW it's a ghost trying to do this, but NONE of these parents are even like, 'well, why dont we keep them in the regular, working hospital'....YIKES. this hospital looks pretty accurate to the one in town. grungy and spooky.

-fentons are tax evaders confirmed by jack's fear of being audited, lol no one is surprised

-ghost sickness via ghost bugs. horrifying concept. I actually expected it to be a new villain, not dr. spectra again! this is a very elaborate scheme. her new form rules, love the new costume. the way none of the bg kids seem to recognize her as their old school councilor. did we just forget about that completely?

-dash watching romance movies in the fucked up ghost hospital. same.

-'oh please, you're ghosts, do you have any idea what YOU smell like?' no, tucker, what DO ghosts smell like? I genuinely didn't know they would even have a smell, I actually want to know now.

-it feels like a while since we've seen jazz!! i was happy to see her again, even if she was a head in a jar for most the episode. I want another jazz-focused ep!!

-we finally see danny doing space-related stuff!! him and his friends stargazing to open ep 3 of s2. cute :) until, GHOST PIRATES!!!!! ...ghost pirate captain is a small child?? VOICED BY TAYLOR LAUTNER???

-oh, the easy listening is ember's song instrumental slowed. 'vapor drone' THEY VAPORWAVED HER!!! ember in a pirate outfit tho >>>>. and the cruise being called m.bersback JKASDHJK. ember adopting a little pirate brother is also pretty cute. concerning this teen and little kid have such bad opinions of adults, like, who hurt you?? (how did you DIE ALSO?? im always lowkey curious about that. we know desiree died at an old age, but her ghost form is young, probably mid-20s, so I wonder how that sort of thing works...its a more mental thing, isn't it?) but ghost team-ups are always cool to see, even if ember bailed after danny took her guitar. I guess she probably thinks youngblood can handle it (which, he's been owning danny this far in the ep, so...fair)

-tucker got that sponsorship from nasty burger for their radio!!! again, opportunistic money maker king, love to see it!!!

-danny taking control of the kids SO FAST. he makes a pretty great leader. no one is surprised, im pretty sure I said I think he's the most mature of the trio, once again, correct, because he's taken on so much responsibility already. all the teens suiting up in the jumpsuits to go save the adults and taking the ship over with a BLIMP. OKAY LETS GO. this feels like it should be a mid finale or straight up finale.

-...speaking of finales. why is ep 4-5 of s2 combined into a 50 minute episode? I havent even clicked play and im concerned. weird placement, like, this season JUST started and we're getting a two parter? okay...why are the episodes placed like this? why not put this at episode 10 or something, for a mid-season thing?

-this is also a cute dress. possibly my fav dress so far. can her parents give ME cute dresses, I'LL wear them.

-it turns out the castle fright knight was in is called pariah's keep and there's something worse than fright knight in there! lovely! fuck off vlad wtf are you doing <3 your hubris <3 is going to literally get you killed <3 'ring of rage' and 'crown of fire' are great names tho. ...vlad turning into a super polite guy when he was scared of mr. pariah was hilarious. and fright knight doing the same...I mean, it makes sense, he's a knight, he serves a king? happy to see fright knight again either way :) vlad telling him to call him tho, lmfao. you WISH HE WOULD. (I wish hed call me, too. 😔)

-so...jack being genuinely concerned about vlad...maddie really didn't tell him what happened at the cabin, did she. damn. if I was her id immediately come home and be like 'YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS SHITTTT THIS CREEPY GUY--' like, I feel like that stuff you need to tell your partner!!! I know she didnt want Jack to think she was an irresponsible parent putting danny in danger at that time, but STILLLL. maddie spilling boiling tea on him. get his ass. how is jack this oblivious to his wife's discomfort with vlad!! ughhh

-fenton wipe (tm). trademarked toilet paper.

-DANNY AND VALERIE BEING FRIENDS??? :D that was a cute moment. 'hey val <3' and 'if you like him like him, make a move, or someone else will ;)' at sam...damn!! I love her. valerie go for it girl!!! I hate how sam and tucker treat val also, like I GET IT YOURE PROTECTIVE AND DONT TRUST but if anything him befriending valerie will help when she finds out or he tells her like I feel like she'll be more understanding that they think! ALSO I feel like her reason for not liking ghosts is valid, like you haven't really explained the full story to her anyway! she doesn't seem to have any other friends after being booted from the a-listers so im like :( but seeing them kick butt together again was nice <3

-the ghosts all RUNNING FROM PARIAH DARK IS NOT GOOD, I thought he sent them to attack or something, but no. why doesn't someone just tell desiree 'hey i wish pariah dark would die' lol. once again I think she can solve every problem <3 but seeing all the enemies in one place, being civil and hiding together? love it.

-you just know danny's gonna have to clean up vlad's stupid mess. also, jack being willing to put on the ectoskeleton pants to help maddie, as soon as vlad heard it could kill him, he suggested jack do it instead of helping maddie himself? this is why jack got the girl, my man.

-ghost skeletons. how do you end up as a skeleton ghost in your afterlife instead of a humanoid like most the ones we've seen? lmao

-the ghosts just making new homes in various stores. I'd totally be setting up in an expensive clothing store if I was a ghost.

-valerie's dad is possibly the most useful adult so far, with that ghost shield expansion!!! and valerie saving vlad and danny, even tho shes been thru it already, shes still so good!!! this family rules.

-danny: *gently caresses valerie* :)

-*then he immediately TELLS HER DAD ON HER. and his first response is 'are you okay?' :'( such a good dad...

-*me every time fright knight breathes* youre doing SO great sweetie :)

-the fenton suit thing is so silly looking. does anyone take this thing seriously

-ALL THE GHOSTS FIGHTING WITH DANNY <3 AAAAA. and the fact that pariah isn't perma-defeated, but just locked away again. yikes. he'll probably get out again, won't he? it wasn't too clear, but if vlad DID make a pact with fright knight, I am rabid. I will beat vlad to death with the fenton bat (tm). YOU DONT DESERVE A COOL KNIGHT.

-valerie being direct with sam and challenging her? kinda love that, even tho I normally don't like 'catfight' type situations. because sam has been very passive aggressive about it which is annoying. valerie knows wtf she wants and wasn't even embarrassed to tell sam, but she did tell her, giving sam time to make her own move! and sam denied it and got embarrassed/mad! and sam did have a chance when danny was about to go off and fight, and she hesitated and didn't tell him. I feel like she's hesitating because they're friends and it might make it weird between the trio (poor tucker would be third-wheeling) but if u snooze u lose, u gotta GO after what u WANT girl. smh this is a No Tsundere Zone. 😤

[souljournaler]

shadow check-in

here's some notes from checking in with my shadow. they've been a bit loud lately, & it's starting to become distracting. this is our conversation. I'm blue, shadow is red

whoa hey that's a lot of space you're taking up in here

and whose fault is that?

yeah ok well there's a lot of stuff happening right now in the world thats stressful

yeah well u can't save everyone

I'm not trying to save everyone

sure jan

so what's up? you seem to need my attention a bit more right now

you can't just pop in to say hi?

I'm literally doing that right now actually

ok ok ok so listen listen

fuck you

please tell me what's up

(career doubts due to feelings of personal inadequacy) & (fear of f*sc*st p*l*ce st*te)

idk why you even bother with a career, the collapse of the empire is coming. besides, no one wants your advice, & you've got no other skills. why would people keep you around when everything is going to shit? especially when u benefited from oppressive systems for so long & even strived for a seat at their table? do you even deserve to stay around?

man you know like most of that isn't true, but do i hear you're afraid of being abandoned by people you love who you've put a lot of energy into building relationships with. why do you think they'd abandon you? we have lots of cool friends who have stayed around they all the hard times.

no YOU have friends that love YOU. and theyre only going to stay until things get TOO bad, and then theyll decide we're a lost cause. especially when they see me

we're the same person mate. & the lads have seen you. & theyre still around

most ppl leave though

and plenty will. it sux but it is what it is. you of all people know better than anyone we can't please everyone, where's that energy now?

ok ok shut up fuck you, i get it

ok i have a question for you now

ya?

why are you afraid that something is gonna take over that we can't control?

cuz it might make me do something that scares other people, & you'd never let me hear the end of it if that happened. you'd probably even tell me it was our fault.

lol thats true. you already scare people enough without being hijacked by a scary entity though, so what's the problem?

LOL thats true. i wouldn't want to accidentally hurt someone though

again, you already do that without being hijacked

fuck ok yeah ig thats tru. i just would rather have my wits about me if I'm gonna do something stupid.

i feel like not being conscious or fully in control of your actions is probably a good excuse though if something were to happen

dude

no

why not

dude. autonomy

so you'd rather actually choose to hurt someone while fully present for your mistake?

that's kind of warped. is it a choice if it's an accident?

hm. guess not. is it really an accident if you choose to do the thing that caused it?

i think you just answered your question

so you'd channel again? full shift?

I'd like to. i don't really have an occasion though

you don't really need an occasion

i feel like i need an occasion

why

...

you could just be chilling

who would i even channel?

you could channel me 😈

i could. what would you have us do?

[redacted]

ok see, that is exactly why im afraid of full shift channeling, cuz you might do some shit like that!

I'm just kidding! unless...?

no. no [redacted] yet

yet!!!

yet. see this is why i have to rely on our higher self so much

i actually think [redacted] is a good idea if you're trying to [redacted]

please don't, that's really not helping right now

right right, ok, bye

bye

bye bitch

so you're afraid that whatever spirit we channel is gonna exploit my energy to make you do stupid shit?

yes

lol, again, u dont need me to do stupid shit, you'll do that all on your own

thanks

i just mean, the fear is pointless. at the very least, you don't have to be afraid of me, specifically, making you do stupid shit. you stop me all the time, even when our state of consciousness is hella altered. i TRY to get you to do stupid shit while we're out of it. sometimes i succeed, but if we end up too fucked up, even when you're literally unconscious, you know who steps in every time?

higher self?

higher self. remember that time we were drugged?

yes. i mean no. but yes

the driver's seat was wide open then. & higher self stepped in to protect us

that's nice of them

yes. "nice." 😬 anyway i can't rly answer for other spirits outside of us, since i still always have u falling for my bullshit (lol btw. you have GOT to stop doing that, or keep doing it, idc) but i think we're stronger than you give us credit for. between me & higher self, we wouldn't let anything happen to us. you need to trust us more.

ok. that's actually really nice, shadow. thanks

yeah, you know, it's just true, ok? you don't have to thank me for stating a fact

shadow you know you can just take the compliment right?

fuck you. anyway just, if you wanna channel, just do it

but ppl might think im weird & crazy!

ppl literally already think you're weird & crazy, get over it

you know we care a lot about what ppl think.

no. we don't. we care about someone sending cops after us.

ok true. what do you say about that tho?

easy, don't talk to cops

yes bc that's SO easy in these united states of america

ok ok, i hear you. so let's think, what IF the cops came to get us for channeling? all someone would have to do is claim you're violent or a danger to urself & others, then what? death by cop?

that's the fear, yup

what, so you're afraid of being murdered by a cop?

yes

hm. well, i would just [redacted] in that case

which would probably get us killed faster, actually

maybe! ok probably. what if they took us though? what would happen then?

probably a mandatory 72 hours, maybe longer if they wanted to keep us locked up

& we've gotten thru that before, right?

right. it's worse now though than when we were a teen

what are you afraid of there? other than being held against our will longer than the mandatory 72 hours, of course

you know, same shit grandma went thru. sedation, r*pe, & shock "therapy"

why would they do that to us though?

idk, i might not be able to mask that long & have a meltdown or smth. also not much we could do if one of the employees was a r*pist.

ok yeah that would suck. how likely is that actually, though? or are you just scared because of confirmation bias?

probably confirmation bias.

ok well then maybe realize that's not a likely enough scenario for u to spend so much energy on a block of fear like that. we don't need it right now. if it ever becomes useful, it'll still be here for one of us to put it back. but for now, what do you want to do?

i want to be able to channel again, full shift

ok then. I'll hang onto this block until we need it, if ever. ok?

ok

thanks. i know you & higher self will keep me safe

yeah, whatever. you'd better.

ok im a bit tuckered out from that. good convo though, i think

toodles

Sol

[quietborderlineinfo]

Hi I have a question or want your perspective on something please. So I've seen myself in other people's descriptions of bpd for a long time. My t thinks I might have it. If I have it it's the quiet type. But there's just some things that I can't see fitting? Or understand how they would be "quiet"? And some of the criteria I only experience very rarely or with certain people. 1/?

alright hey stargazer!

i can totally appreciate how much thought and detail you’ve put into this - i remember being in that place, and its so confusing and frustrating and frankly exhausting. breathe; from what youve said it sounds like your T is paying close attention and wants the best for you. over time, you’ll figure out what diagnosis & treatment(s) may work for you. until then, just focus on getting better one step at a time.

keep in mind that below i just discuss how the things you said relate to the diagnostic criteria, but no one here can diagnose you. definitely talk to your T (and if theyre not a psychiatrist, try to talk to one of those if you have access to a good one, since theyre more inclined to diagnose, in my experience)

also remember that you only need 5/9 for a diagnosis - so two people w bpd may have only 1 overlapping symptom. (so if you dont see yourself in everything you read, thats normal)

For instance 1 (frantically avoid abandonment) only w/ 2 relationships I’ve ever had, and these are more feelings than actions I take 2 (pattern unstable intense relationships) I’ve only had one significant relationship in my life and it was very intense and unstable, but I have no history of it but I also have no history of what I would call “close” relationships. I’m mostly avoidant of them) 2/?

1 & 2: saaame. i once asked a T if never letting yourself feel close to people was a form of attempting to avoid abandonment, and was told that it can be, if that’s why you do it. it can be hard to figure out why you do something you may have always done though, so it helps to both try to analyze past experiences and definitely to try to look at your feelings and how they’re motivating you as you go forward.

I’m not sure on the whole feelings vs actions thing; ask your T cause i think there can be a lot of grey area. and for #2, i had the same experience too; everyone who treated me seemed to think that the one relationship was enough evidence, i guess considering that avoidant behaviour. 

3 (id disturbance) I’m not sure exactly how this manifests or is separate from depersonalization. Like I don’t feel real when I try to engage in hobbies. I only exist when I’m doing things with others and then I feel fake and two dimensional (but this is getting a lot better and I’m afraid that means the symptom isn’t real) I’m not sure of my own hobbies and I have no internal motivations or knowledge base to make my own decisions. 3/?

. I can hardly tell right from wrong a lot of the time and use clues from others to help me. And I can change depending on the people I’m around. Is that what this means? This isn’t all things but some things 4 I am not in the slightest impulsive except if you count the impulsive texts I would send to that one intense relationship to make sure she didn’t hate me every few weeks 4/?

3. so depersonalization is a type of dissociation, so that’d fall under criterion 9. symptoms can get better and that absolutely doesn’t mean that you are now or have ever been faking; remission of symptoms with time and/or therapy is actually more likely than not. not knowing right from wrong is interesting cause at first i thought that was entirely unrelated, but realized it could come from not having an internalized moral system, which would definitely sound relevant.

what does fit the description is both not being sure of your hobbies (esp since it sounds like means youre not sure of what you enjoy/care about?), and changing depending on the people you’re around (if you feel like its more of an internal change than say, changing from business-appropriate speech patterns to something more casual when around friends vs at work).

the wiki page describes ID disturbance really well i think, but if you still have questions, definitely send them your T’s/our way.

4. neither am i, and i was still diagnosed. some people seem to think that it’s one criterion that has to be met though. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it is possible that it manifests only very specifically, like w me I’m only impulsive w self-harm or recklessly crossing the street.

5 (self harm) I’ve cut in the past but I can go years without cutting, but the urge to cut will always surface every few weeks whether I act on it or not 6 (affective instability) not sure I understand this. My emotions are so intense that I have a hard time doing anything but engaging in avoidant behaviors. Focusing on school and work is extremely difficult around my thoughts and feelings, Is that what this means? I can change really quickly too based on one thought or one outside occurrence5/?

Hi stargazer anon again. Sorry I’m all over the place with this I just get confused. So missing might be the part that addressed diagnostic criteria #7. basically yes I experience emptiness. I think The end of message 5 is relating to diagnostic criteria #6 (instability of mood) and message 7 is relating to diagnostic criteria #8 (anger). Sorry it’s a mess. But I don’t think there is anything important in the missing piece. I was just going through each symptom and comparing my experience w/ it

5. that certainly counts! (proud of you for keeping it to a minimum, hope you’re working w your T to eliminate it entirely!)

6. “Patients often describe affective instability as an “emotional roller coaster” that relates to a subjective sense of strong affects and emotions experienced in an uncomfortable, rapid sequence.”

what you described sounds intense, and to clarify the changeability i think it can have a lot to do with reacting really strongly to things in the environment/in relationships. you didnt talk too much about the changes, so id say it sounds like this likely fits, but warrants more discussion just to clarify.

7. aight √

But i don’t get angry at people usually. I used to have this pattern of withdrawing from my relationships because I was convinced they didn’t really like me and I wanted to see if they would come talk to me to sort of “test them” but knowing the whole time that I was a horrible person who didn’t deserve their love anyway and if they didn’t really love me then I didn’t deserve it (though have gotten way better at this with therapy). Is that what is meant by the cold shoulder? 7 I think/?

8. see idk, it’s possible that that’s anger for you, but it sounds like you’ll wanna think more about it. i think cold shoulder is more about refusing to engage someone because you are upset at them. to me, what you described sounds more like fear than anger, but only you can know that. idk about other quiet borderlines but for most of my life I’ve had anger far repressed 🤔

9. (for the sake of completion) depersonalization, which you mentioned in part 2, is a kind of dissociation

Sorry for this essay if not ok just ignore and delete. Sorry I’m just having a hard time cause so much of this feels like me but then so many of the hallmarks don’t at all, or only rarely appear. I think I have aVpd too and it makes it hard to know because some symptoms cloud each other. Thanks can please tag stargazer if you do answer it? 8/8 I think it was?

sorry for taking so long to respond! yeah its useful to have a full discussion with a psychiatrist about this especially when multiple disorders are in question. also remember that as much as we may seek the sense of identity labels can give us, you dont need to fit something specific to have valid pain that deserves to be treated and warrants a break from work.

please let us know if you have any follow-up questions. good luck - it’ll get easier with time & work!