#because there is. a lot to unpack. for her before she allows herself to give into her feelings

[lavampira]

wip whenever

tagged by @redwayfarers and I do actually have a bit more to share now! it’s another excerpt from my stormblood-era sidalia wip (spoilers for the DRK 70 quest) that still has me spiraling as I chip away at it. not tagging anyone else this time, but if anyone has any creative work to share, I def want to see it c:

Sidurgu faces away from her, his attention too preoccupied with the threat ahead of him in the form of an anguished elezen boy and magic born of stolen aether. His armored body shields Rielle, hunched over the girl’s limp form sprawled beneath him, and by the way that he leans on one knee and shakes with each heaving breath, she can’t be certain that he can stand. Fear catches in her throat.

Not them. Please, not them, too.

A hoarse cry escapes her chapped lips as she rolls to push herself off the ground. Rosy hair tumbles around her ears and face with the motion, falling loose from her haphazardly tied bow, and staggering in a pathetic arc to meet Myste’s gaze, she finds it not unlike the boy’s cascading blue hair and wild, bewildered expression before her. As the familiar glow of aether envelops him in preparation of another summon, she grits her teeth and braces for it.

Oh, what a fool she’d been not seeing through the ruse.

Before they had ever picked up a sword, her hands held a grimoire. Hers is the world of egi, simulacra, and trances, aether brought forth by crystals and arcanima, primals felled and their power borrowed at her hands, years spent honing the once thought lost Allagan art. ‘Twas she who the boy had got it from, after all—her aether, her knowledge, and her strength wielded by her own grief made manifest.

And now Sidurgu and Rielle may pay the price.

[flurry-of-beaus-pop-pop]

When Agatha tells Rio that she never wants to see her again if she delivers Billy to her at the end of the road and Rio says "okay", there's a moment where Agatha leans back and looks genuinely surprised, like she didn't believe that Rio would agree and there's just so much to unpack there.

There is definitely an element of Agatha and Rio's relationship that is broken because of Rio's direct involvement as Death, because she is the one that took Nicholas from Agatha, and so Rio's presence in Agatha's life is a direct reminder of that... that no matter how much Agatha may want to just lose herself in Rio's embrace (because she definitely does, their moment where they actually give themselves a moment to just hold each other is proof of that), she isn't ready to face what happened with Nicholas and so she isn't ready to face Rio (the original dialogue for this scene captures this point so much better than what they changed it to), because facing Rio, at this point, means facing Nicholas.

But there's also an element of this interaction, this moment where Agatha pushes and Rio concedes, and Agatha looks surprised, that brings out another element of their relationship... that ever since Nicholas, one of the only things that has been constant for Agatha... is Rio.

When it comes to grief, especially unexpected grief or grief that occurs after losing someone far before their time, it's not at all uncommon to turn our anger towards the people that are still there, towards the people that will always be there for us, no matter what, because we often feel like we can't be mad at the person we lost (even though it's a completely valid response to death). The issue is, if we can't direct that anger at what is actually making us angry, we have to direct it somewhere, hence putting it on those we know won't leave.

This, in my opinion, is what happened with Agatha and Rio... Agatha isn't ready to face the fact that, as she said, sometimes, boys just die. She needs there to be a reason, she needs to place that anger on someone, and the only other person that was there was Rio, and so she puts that anger on Rio, she pushes and snaps and no matter what, Rio comes back, she's always there.

Until this moment. Once again, Agatha didn't know how to handle what it was she was feeling, couldn't handle the reminders of Nicholas that Rio brought, and so she lashed out, said things she knew would hurt Rio, expecting that, once again, Rio would take it, and still be there.

Except this time, as often happens in circumstances like these, Rio reached her breaking point, and agreed. If Agatha delivered Billy, she would respect Agatha's wishes and leave her alone.

And this shocked Agatha, scared her even, because while Rio was a painful reminder of Nicholas, she was also a beautiful reminder of love and happiness and safety and vulnerability, a reminder of how it felt by Agatha to finally be understood by someone, to have someone that just got it... and she had always taken it for granted that when she was ready, Rio would be there... except now she pushed too far, pushed the one person she had left, away.

This makes her decision to kiss Rio as a means of taking Rio's powers make a lot more sense... yes, there was an element of Agatha's decision to take Rio's powers that was a calculated risk as far as becoming a ghost is concerned, but Agatha didn't have to kiss Rio for that to happen.

Agatha kissed Rio in that moment because she knew, no matter what happened... whether she walked away, whether she became a ghost, or whether she died, that Rio was going to respect those wishes and wouldn't be there anymore, and so Agatha gave herself one last moment of vulnerability, one last moment to give in to everything she feels for Rio, to allow herself that final moment to just give in... in that final moment, Agatha chose to put the anger and the grief aside, and chose to spend one last moment enveloped by love.

[multifandomgirl08]

Sugar Daddy!Daniel Ricciardo x Fem!Reader Headcanon

A/N: New possible story idea. I'm just trying to see where I can take this idea from here. This is really just story set up.

This is inspired by me cleaning out things from old Pinterest boards

The Arrangement Masterlist

You used to be a big party girl when you were in college.

You were in Vegas on vacation with a group of friends when your roommate said that she would be going out for the night to have dinner with this guy.

The next morning you found her back in the hotel room with a stack of hundreds stuffed in a yellow envelope.

She told you about her dinner with this older guy. He had money, was well-connected, and paid her to spend time with him.

It all seemed perfect.

So the next night she went out with him, she invited you along.

And that was how you met Daniel.

He was sitting at the bar and you started talking to him.

Daniel didn't know what a sugar baby was when he met you.

You thought that he did.

You were quite embarrassed when your friend came up to you asking him how much he was willing to pay you for the time you had spent together in the restaurant.

You could see the color leave his face.

"Are you?" He started to ask.

You just nodded playing it cool before muttering, "A sugar baby."

You weren't really a sugar baby, at least he didn't know that you weren't.

You could see his shoulders relax just a bit.

Your friend ended up pulling you away from him and you didn't see him the rest of the night.

One of your friends ends up letting you borrow a dress to go out to some expensive restaurant on the strip the next night.

And you saw Daniel again. He's with a large group of people. Your eyes connected in the low lighting of the room.

Halfway through your dinner when you're on your way to the bathroom you end up bumping into him.

He asks for your number.

You figure that he'll have it and never text you because some guys are like that.

Instead, the day that you are back in your apartment unpacking from your trip you get a text from him.

Look, I don't know what a sugar baby does aside from a few weird stories that I've heard from some friends but would you be willing to try with me?

You contemplate not texting him back before showing the text to your roommate.

She encourages you to go for it. It's easy money and you get a free meal out of it at least if it goes wrong.

It takes a few weeks before you have the chance to meet up with Daniel.

Your friend gave you a small list of things to bring up with him.

Allowance, things that you were willing to do and not, and how often you would see one another.

It was a lot to try and remember while she gave you one of her more expensive dresses from the back of her closet, and let you borrow a vintage Chanel bag that her own sugar daddy bought her.

Once you are at dinner, you find that it's easy to talk to him.

It's not awkward at all, you ordered food and were sipping on the wine that he had chosen before he brought it up.

"So, I figured we'd talk about that sugar babe thing or whatever."

You put your fork down before looking up at him again.

He told you he didn't know what he was doing, and you didn't either.

"Maybe we can keep doing this... going out to dinners and you going with me to events. I'll pay for it, hotel, clothes, shoes. We'll make a schedule or something..." He's quick to offer.

It doesn't sound exactly like what your roommate has, but it sounds similar. Her sugar daddy pays for her half of the rent, and the allowance he gives her goes to paying off her college tuition and buying herself things that you never noticed were in her closet until recently.

"I'm not really looking for anything more than this right now." He says.

So, you agreed to what he was offering and spent the dinner getting to know him better.

You find out that he was a Formula 1 driver and was currently without a seat for the next year.

You told him you didn't know what that was.

"Drive To Survive, it's on Netflix."

You would have to use your roommate's Netflix when you got back to the apartment and found out what he was talking about.

You told him that you were in your last year of college and a bit about your major.

When you get home you end up watching the first season of Drive To Survive, and when you see Daniel on your TV you can't help but be a little shocked, he seems so confident in front of the camera but with you is very reserved.

It was a few months later when you noticed that things were changing, but you still talked to Daniel the same amount.

He started getting more comfortable sending you things like flowers or he offered to pay for your textbooks before sending you a check that was more than your textbooks would have cost.

You were in between semesters when Daniel asked if you would be interested in spending your summer break with him.

[wardensantoineandevka]

I've talked a bit before about how Karna and Colin are foils and inverses, and one of the most interesting ways is how they have opposite responses to the violence the game of power visits on the people as individuals who have lived in that terror and brutality.

Karna's response to the way the game terrorizes and brutalizes the commonfolk is to expand that to the nobility and eliminate the idea that some are too special to be touched, to remember that everyone is destined for the maw of the Hungry One and none of this matters (though, she has begun to hope differently). She is used to being disposable and thus believes everyone is; as was done to her is fair to do to all others. She embraces that to gain and maintain power (which one needs to have agency in the world) is to kill as necessary. She protects herself from the violence and viciousness of the game by responding to everyone around her with the same violence and viciousness.

Colin is sickened by what he has done and is asked to do to protect himself, murdering bystanders and sowing carnage. He leaves Deli's leadership because Deli buys into that brutality. (No surprise, then, that Karna steps into Colin's vacated role.) He cannot keep doing to others as was done to him—he did once, no more. He is the grandson of someone who fought a tyrant, a cause he seems sympathetic of (I unpack that one over here), and he refuses to support someone like those who terrorized and murdered his family. His response to the way the game terrorizes and brutalizes the commonfolk is to refuse to facilitate in that brutality and set about stopping those who want an endless bloodshed.

It is worth noting Karna is young, apparently about half Colin's age, and her circumstances do not allow her to unpack any of the harm done to her. Benefits of time, space, maturity, wisdom, perspective, if any, are impossible to give to her in this war. (Tangent, I wonder if she would consider him a hypocrite because he refuses to engage in this aspects of the game but continues to draw his sword.)

The two of them are doing a lot of moving in opposite directions from the same point. Here, they watch the brutalization of the people in the name of power and its games, and Karna moves toward believing that no one is exempt from suffering that brutality while Colin moves toward believing that brutality should be stopped and the people defended from it.

[loudmound]

hi. welcome to my mary shepherd-sunderland post.

what will follow is who i think she is as a character, what she means to the narrative of sh2, and why people should think and talk about her more bcs me and the 4 other mary fans are dying out here.

DISCLAIMER BEFORE WE BEGIN: a lot of this post will be enmeshed with interpretation and headcanon that draws from me analyzing the text of sh2. this is My Post about mary. stormy mary post. please understand this.

the foundation of mary's character is an exceptionally strong one, and for someone like me, i enjoy making inferences about her person before the illness, during the illness, and near the end. the personality she has in sh2 is flexible enough to allow what i imagine her to have been like in my mind's eye.

i do not want this post to be read as the Definitive Canonical Interpretation of mary. i am just doing my best to inform my analysis of mary with the text as well as building from that set foundation given to us as the audience.

with that out of the way, please enjoy.

PART ONE: MARY AS A CONCEPT

what exists of mary is filtered through the lens of memory before the cumulative letter in the respective endings we receive it. throughout sh2, her status and state of being is re-contextualized as her husband moves closer and closer to the truth of the matter. she is an individual wrapped in idealistic fantasy that is slowly and surely stripped away the longer the game goes along, and the more we actualize her as the person she once was.

this element of conceptualization and fantasy is a through-line in sh2's narrative. mary is everywhere james looks in his version of the town. she's in the rot and rust on the walls, she's in the monsters he fights and runs from, she's in the places he goes, her face and voice is maria's, and she even has some of her memories and personality traits. it is truly understated how much mary just... IS in sh2, in spite of her not being physically present.

there's also this dichotomy i've been thinking about in the inability for mary and james to exist outside of one another, thematically speaking. for fundamentally being two different people, they are inextricably tied to one another in a really unfortunate and tragic way. james grafts himself to mary's memory before her sickness and slowly begins to resent the woman she's become out of anything but her own volition, and mary grafts herself to james because... she has to.

she's sick, she's dying, she's largely bedridden and in constant pain. she cannot rely on herself anymore; she has to rely on the people around her to take care of her, and when she inevitably goes home to live out whatever time she has left... it's james she has to rely on. and while i think james finds immense comfort and pleasure in living in the past they had while refuting the present, mary is thoroughly imbedded in the present and resents the past by means of something that she can no longer have. neither of them can, but i've always interpreted mary to be a very pragmatic and proactive individual.

she discusses in her letter how pathetic and ugly she feels, how she waits in her cocoon of pain and loneliness that's been grafted onto her unwillingly while she waits for james to visit her, and it's clear to me that she is the kind of individual that puts so much emphasis on being a useful and beautiful woman. that is what gives her worth as a human being within the society in which she lives (late 80s usa in my opinion). canonically, she is a housewife, and while that certainly coheres, i'm of the belief that she was a woman who worked outside the home as well, but also someone who did not do enough unpacking to really get away from gendered roles expected of her.

i really do believe that she feels she failed james spectacularly as a partner, but also as a wife; therein, as a person in his life. both of them dealt with their own baggage regarding gendered expectations, but mary in particular's is incredibly potent and crushing if you actualize her as someone who, in turn, wanted to be the perfect wife to james. kind, patient, nurturing, submissive, etc.

of course, as we all know, the perfect wife/woman/whatever you want it to be, is an unattainable concept, because how can anybody human like mary exist within such ridiculous, reductive parameters?

PART TWO: MARY AS A PERSON

so, in that case, who was mary, then? who was she, if not this idealized vision of a wife long lost?

as i've alluded to before, i envision her as a very pragmatic and proactive person; in the video tape of her, she seems very playful and outgoing, but also contemplative, appreciative, and straightforward. i've always seen her as a very different person from james in regards to how she navigates through life.

she's comparatively much more outward and readily emotional, but seems to retain a level of quiet interiority that meshes very well with james' very inward attitude. a very typical "bubbly wife and stoic husband" sort of situation on the surface, but i've always thought that mary greatly appreciated having james as an emotional anchor of sorts; somebody who can soothe the more keyed-up aspects of her personality, given how quiet and easygoing he is.

given how she mentions how angry she was all the time at the advent of learning of her incumbent death, i view her as somebody who really does not like being out of control of her own life. she has an idea of how she wants things to be and she wants them done the way she has already since chosen. (do not interrupt her routines. she will get very irritated.) she's very particular, and i think she's had to learn how not to just take the reigns from somebody else if she perceives them to be going about something "incorrectly" because this particular flaw has led to some arguments/falling-outs with loved ones in the past.

in that particular vein, holy fuck is this woman a fixer. she needs to fix everything she possibly can. the sink's busted? don't worry, she's had a lifetime of fixing shitty plumbing in her childhood home because nobody else bothered. need a couple more bucks for gas? don't worry, she always keeps a few extra dollars on her because she knows what it's like to be a few short and not have anyone else to turn to that you can trust.

you've been deeply traumatized and scarred by your adverse childhood experiences and it's left you with maladaptive and dysfunctional coping mechanisms? don't worry, she'll be there for you, in sickness and in health.

to me, mary's the kind of person that likes seeing the fruits of her labor, too. she takes great pride in being as self-sufficient at she has been, and does very much enjoy sharing that with others as much as she can. genuinely, i think she's very giving and compassionate, but jesus, when it came to james when he was struggling (before she got sick), it certainly got a bit dire. using your wife for free emotional labor is one thing, but when that wife welcomes it for a while because she has a pervasive desire to fix everything, including you? yeah.

also, of course, mary felt a pertinent obligation to doing such, being The Wife and all, but she's also a human person and got exhausted dealing with the amount of baggage her husband had, and their relationship got pretty rocky because of james' unwillingness to seek professional help (stemming from trauma with the laughable us-healthcare system) and mary's unwillingness to recant over and over again what she has in her toolbox.

which is where silent hill comes in. a belated honeymoon of sorts, mary and james take a trip to take their mind off the doom-inspiring monotony that is domestic life, and it's great!

until it isn't.

PART THREE: TERMINAL ILLNESS

so, the nature of mary's illness has never been clearly stated canonically, but we know that it gave her a persistent cough, rendered her bedbound, made her hair fall out, and made lumps grow all over her skin. i'm of the belief that she had hansen's disease, but cancer is also incredibly plausible too.

hansen's disease is one of those things that can lie dormant for years, and it can sometimes take a decade for symptoms to surface, so i don't think it was really a matter of mary catching anything from silent hill, per se. (i do think toluca lake has just the most godawful brain-eating bacteria in it but that's aside the point.) it's definitely a curable disease, but perhaps the strain mary had was a particularly severe variant. point being, however, is that this thing ruined her inside and out.

in the beginning stages, (year 1 or so) i do think she was pretty touchy, emotionally speaking. she tries to keep up appearances as much as she can and is able to, but it's clear that something has shifted for the worst. she's much more somber in the moments of quiet. her contemplative nature turns to brooding. she smiles, still, but her smiles are undoubtedly laced with a wry, bitter sadness.

she's now toiling with thoughts of dying as a way out, too. it'd be easier if they'd just kill me, she laments at one point. simultaneously at the crux of wanting freedom from one's pain in death but terrified of said death as being eternal, too.

it's something you can't ever undo.

now... i'd say a pretty controversial aspect of mary's character during this period of time is whether or not she was abusive towards james during her illness. cases have been made, it's a fairly ambiguous situation as presented in-game, but i think mary's anger that she expressed was quiet, overall. she tried to keep it quiet, at least, and when she did lash out, it was almost always in part due to her newfound level of self-loathing. when she's yelling at james in that hallway, she's yelling at herself more than she is at him.

she's no longer a person, to herself and to others around her that treat her like a dying animal than the woman that she is; the woman that she used to be. i'd be livid if i were her, too!

she also mentions in her letter that she "struck out at everyone she loved most." i have very strong reason to believe that she loved laura, and that unfortunately, she too was caught in the crossfire of mary's mood swings/outbursts. i also think that the guilt mary expresses when we're listening to the hallway conversation is genuine; i don't think her outburst and subsequent apology was a manipulation tactic to make james feel bad.

i think she's genuinely suffering. she doesn't know what to do with these compounding negative feelings. she has nowhere to put them. james comes in at a bad time and becomes the target. after the damage has been done, she realizes this and crumbles immediately. she's hurt james. she needs to do damage control however she can.

of course, none of this is to say that women can't ever be abusive/abusers and we can have conversations about the nuances of that all day, but... it's disquieting to me to see a consistent reading of a terminally ill female character's torment and anger be read as "abusive" to further exonerate the male character's deed of murdering her. like, i think we should consider that for a bit. i think we can hold that mary's behavior was not the best, but james' wasn't, either.

mary waited for him, but he never comes. he stays away, festering in his own grief, mourning her before she's even passed. i see james' aversion to seeing her in large part as a trauma response due to past abuse while growing up; when she shouts at him like that, it drags all of those ugly feelings and memories up.

it's a relationship i see as something that was mutually declining. it was something that was left to die. much like mary was, in a lot of ways.

mary was terrified that james hated her. that she disgusted him with her appearance, that he pitied her for being ill and effectively useless to him. that was something plaintively out of her control, being in the hospital. james could've ripped the bandage off and braved seeing her. he could've talked to her. he could've rekindled what was deteriorating. but he didn't.

again, mary's proactive nature of yearning for james, wanting to see him, wanting to talk to him and talk about them and what to do when the time comes. she wants to figure this out as best she can.

but james doesn't, and he still never comes.

mary poured everything left in her that she could muster in that letter. she profusely apologized for everything, for things that weren't even her fault to begin with. she told james that she loved him in that letter, because she couldn't say it to him to his face any longer. she didn't know if she would have any time left to do such.

but she does. and however long later, he kills her.

mary isn't a perfect victim, nobody that's a victim in sh2 is supposed to be. but she is still an individual that deserves compassion nonetheless, and i think the game does its due diligence in getting that across.

PART FOUR: MARIA

i think have to at least touch upon maria a bit if you're writing a post about mary. i think that's just the way it is.

maria, as we know, is a manifestation created by silent hill as a means to confront/interrogate/"punish" james by emulating mary but with very... choice character design changes.

she's clad in leopard print and a cropped red blouse. she's a dancer at heaven's night. she has bleach blonde hair with the roots peeking in. her face is all done up. she still extroverted, but far more provocative and alluring. she's a fantasy; something unattainable.

but she could be yours in whatever way you want her to be!

maria is utterly fascinating as an interrogation of james' character, but also as a reflection of mary, too. in born from a wish, she expresses her fear of pain and death, of being alone in town with no one else around, while also toiling with suicidal ideation. (sound familiar?) she seeks out companionship in whatever form it takes, and jumps on it when she does find it in ernest.

how much of mary is maria has always been up for debate and forever will be, but i think a lot of mary lives within her. the obvious, being the memories that she has of laura and the video tape left in the lakeview hotel, her hot and cold behavior with james, but also in the existential misery she feels in born from a wish. that desire to die to escape the pain of feeling alone, but also wanting to be with somebody else more than anything, and how death would undoubtedly take that away.

i also think her dyed hair isn't even hers; mary had that haircut and dye job when she first met james at that house party all those years ago.

i think maria's standing as a sentient individual is true, but in the sense that she is the combination of both mary and james' baggage made sentient. she never truly existed for herself, as her own person. she'll always have a little bit of someone else in her, someone she doesn't even really know, and that's... utterly tragic.

i think she realized this too when she points that gun to her head. but she chose james anyways out of that same desire for companionship. maybe she could be his new mary. maybe she could be better than mary. it's truly all so fuck.

PART FIVE: CONCLUSION

mary is the reason why sh2 happens for james. full stop. you cannot have sh2 without mary. there is a foundation laid for you to examine and explore. she is as infinitely fascinating as james is, if not more so. join me.

this post is sprawling and probably a bit confused at times because i wrote it on a whim, but i HOPE that i was able to get across the larger ideas of why i love mary as a character and who she could've been before her illness and death. i didn't touch upon everything i possibly could (mary and laura's relationship deserves its own post, i think), but this post is already long enough. i'll edit it in the future, undoubtedly.

thank you so much for reading all the way. listen to her final letter and cry with me.

[d4yd4iry]

Crush

Pairings: Pham Hanni x fem!reader

Synopsis: In which Pham Hanni found herself crushing on her member’s younger sister.

Note: Y/n is the same age as Danielle.

Genre: Fluff ☁️

You were helping your older sister Minji, move her stuff into the dorm that she will be sharing with her members. “Uh, unnie where do I put these?” You questioned as you were holding a box packed with snacks that your mother packed for Minji and her members.

“Just put it on top of the countertop in the kitchen, I’ll organize it later.”

You nodded and left your older sister’s room, ears blasted with music from your headphones.

You hummed as you made your way to the kitchen, not noticing Hanni who came in a few seconds prior.

You were trying to get the snacks out of the cardboard box but couldn’t because it was sealed shut. “Hmm where are the scissors” you asked yourself before turning around with the intentions of asking your sister but to your surprise, Pham Hanni was standing near the door frame.

“Oh sh-“ you were startled after seeing her. “Uh ,sorry for that! Hello, you must be Hanni unnie, I’m Minji unnie’s younger sister!”

You greeted her but she didn’t respond because Hanni Pham was mesmerized by you.

When she first saw you in the kitchen, she was wondering who the pretty girl in the kitchen was but after you greeted her, she couldn’t help but think how your voice is as pretty as your visuals.

But while she was star struck, you were standing awkwardly while waving your hands in front of her. “Hey?”

“Oh sorry, yeah I’m Hanni! You’re Yn right?” She replied, her face shows that she was clearly embarrassed and turning red as well.

You giggled a bit at how red her face is before giving her a reply. “Yep, that’s me!”

The two of you stood still for a while before you asked her where the scissors are at. “Here you go.” She placed the scissor on top of your palm, getting a thank you from you in return.

You shifted your attention to the box of snacks before using the scissor to unpack it.

Hanni who watched you the entire time decided to step in. “Yn, do you need help putting it away?”

“Yeah, that would be nice, thanks unnie.” You smiled at her as you lift one of your favorite snack out of the box unintentionally, gasping after realizing that it’s a box of cookies and cream pepero. “Oh my god I love these! I can’t believe mom put these in for Minji unnie after banning me from eating them!”

Hanni looked at you in confusion. “Why did your mom ban you from eating them?”

“Mom said that I am too addicted to them, honestly so unreasonable, I only eat 3 packs a day! Don’t you think so too?” You told her about the unfairness of the situation, you looked so serious about it that it made you look cute in her eyes.

She found herself subconsciously agreeing with whatever you’ve been rambling about.

“Right? Totally so unfair! But I guess it’s fine because I do eat them behind her back!”

After you finished rambling, she began to laugh and you soon joined her.

Minji, who have been spending a lot of time on organizing her room, heard the loud laughers from the kitchen, so she decided to investigate.

She found you and Hanni laughing endlessly about who knows what. “What are you guys laughing about?”

You and Hanni turned away from each other to face Minji. You waved your hands around dismissively before replying. “Nothing unnie, it’s nothing.”

She nodded at your answer though knowing that it wasn’t true, but she also didn’t want to ask further. Her eyes scanned the room before landing on the pepero that was in your hands.

“Ynnie, you’re not allowed to eat them anymore, you know that!” She exclaimed before snatching the box from your hand.

“Hey! That’s unfair, please can I at least have one piece?!” You begged like a child asking their mom for candy, Hanni found it adorable.

“No way, you’ll only want it more!” Minji refused before running back to her room, leaving you alone with Hanni again.

“Ugh, she’s so mean.” You sulked as you unpack all the other snacks onto the counter.

Watching you sulk, Hanni felt the need to make your frown go away. “If you want them so bad, we can go to the convenience store, I’ll buy them for you!”

“Really?!” You no longer have a frown on your face as it have been replaced by a large smile.

“Yes!” Seeing you so happy made Hanni feel complete.

“Okay, what are we waiting for? Let’s go!” You tugged the sleeve of her hoodie before locking arms with the older girl.

Hanni knew she was down bad when she found herself approving of everything snack you put in the cart.

When you finished putting every snacks you wanted, Hanni brought them to the check out, it came up to 85$. Hanni was crying on the inside but seeing your million dollar smile definitely made her moneys worth.

The two of you made your way back to the dorm, you were eating your ice cream while Hanni was occupied with holding the bag of snacks that she bought you.

You offered to hold it at first but Hanni insisted that since she was older, she’s the one who should hold it.

Minji jaw dropped when she saw the snacks in the bags.

That day, both you and Hanni got scolded by Minji. You for spending all of Hanni’s money, and Hanni for buying the snacks that you weren’t supposed to be eating.

Hanni got scolded more though but she didn’t care because in the end, it was worth it knowing that your happiness came from her.

Author’s note: Hi :) this is my first post and hopefully more to come!

[icanbeyourgenie]

“ Oh, I'm just... I'm just used to it... I wasn't allow to eat with my siblings, always with my father and his council, so I suppose it became an habit... plus I doubt Nate and Cally would want me to eat with them anyway. ” – Malachai to Yasmeen after she asked why he was eating alone when Nathaniel and Calypso were eating together

Yasmeen had been surprised when she walked into the church to see Malachai there. Not because he didn't belong there - she spent more time in that place with him than alone, lately - but because, when he left after their training session, she assumed it was to go eat with his siblings. So it was even more surprising to see a bit of food packed in the bench next to him. When she asked him why he wasn't eating with the others, she didn't except this answer. She thought this through for a moment, and then decided to sit down.

❝Why wouldn't they want you to eat with them? They practically worship you.❞

❝I can be too serious for them, sometimes. A bit of a mood breaker.❞

Yasmeen didn't think he was a mood breaker. She actually always felt better when she was with him. But she understood what he meant. Calypso and Nathaniel had a very care-free nature. They liked to laugh and make jokes and talk a lot. Malachai wasn't like that. Still, Yasmeen didn't think the two youngest would mind Malachai's presence. But she kept it to herself, judging it wasn't her place to talk for them.

❝Why weren't you allowed to eat with them?❞

He looked away and stayed silent. She didn't push. Privacy was important to her. If he wanted to keep that part for himself, she would accept that.

Instead, he unpacked his food and gave her a fork. She did pause on the fact that he had two forks ready, but blamed it on royal customs and their habit to use way more cutlery than necessary (a side effect of not doing the dishes, she supposed).

She shook her head. ❝Thank you, but I can't eat with you. I can only eat the food from the changeling quarters.❞

❝Why? Because you shouldn't eat luxurious food? It's stupid.❞

❝No, because this food isn't made for humans.❞

He paused a second. ❝Is it true what they say then? That it binds you to the land?❞

❝Not exactly. But it can drive you mad. Making you see whatever they want you to see, and trap you forever. It's different for everyone.❞

❝Better not try your luck then.❞

❝I did.❞

She realized, when she said this, that she had been unfair with Malachai. He had confied in her many times before, but she didn't. Not truly. She was overly cautious and wary, and even when she started warming up to him, she tried not to say too much about her past. He had asked, but she always diverted the questions, so he stopped asking. She loved that clear respect of her privacy. But he was still curious, she could see it in his eyes right now. And somehow, she felt like giving him a part of herself.

❝I was young. Well, kind of. I tried to join the human world, but I was stuck in the enchanted forest and it was a true disorienting maze. I was starving, and I ate a few berries. Worst mistake of my life. My mind wasn't my own anymore. I almost died.❞

❝And what happened.❞

❝I got help.❞ It was the most she could say. Thinking about Viserys and the asylum still hurt.

❝And yet you're still here?❞ And it was probably the part that hurt the most. Nothing mattered in the end. She didn't escape that place.

❝You could come with me.❞ He had a bit of hope in his eyes but his words were unsure. ❝I could claim you, ask for you to be given to me as a gift. You'd come with me under the sea. For a time, just enough so it can be believable. Then I'll set you free.❞

Those words hurt more than she could imagine. This time, she looked away. ❝Don't be ridiculous. Who would look after Calypso?❞ She tried for light-hearted, but she did sound gloomy.

He took her hand. ❝Yasmeen I'm serious. Let me help. I could get you out of here.❞

❝You can't...❞ She squeezed his hand and looked at him. ❝Morgana would never allow you to take me away from her.❞

❝Why?❞ He still looked so hopeful, and it broke her heart. ❝You're a changeling. I mean - I - I mean that... to her... it's just what you are, but-❞

❝Because it'd be too dangerous for her.❞ She cut. She knew what he meant. But it wasn't the problem. She took a breath, readying herself for what she was about to say. ❝Because I'm a valuable asset to her. And because I know too much of her secrets.❞

Malachai stayed still as he processed her words, then his expression changed from hopeful to impassible. She couldn't read him as he withdrawed his hand and sat up straighter. He looked away and she wanted to scream. At the world, at herself for allowing someone to get close to her. For saying those words. But she stayed silent, watching him connect the dots. He was the one who understood, from their very first meeting, that she was a warrior, that she had too much knives hidden on her and that it made sense that she was sent as a guard, as well as a maid. But now, she was basically admitting to be a spy for Morgana.

It looked like an eternity passed when he spoke again, with a placid but distant voice. ❝Yasmeen, are we enemies?❞

She assumed it was his princely voice. The one he used to talk to his generals. He had never use it with here. She took another deep breath. ❝I hope not.❞

❝But she asks you about me. About my family.❞

It wasn't a question, but she still answered: ❝Yes.❞

❝And I should trust you?❞

❝I can't answer that. Trust isn't something that can't be asked for. It has to be given freely.❞

❝...Yasmeen my entire country relies on me.❞

❝I know what's at stake for you.❞

He stayed silent again, watching in the distance while she was watching him. She wanted to stop trying to analyze his very unexpressive face, but she couldn't. She was stuck.

❝You kissed me. Does she know about that?❞

❝No. She thinks we had sex, though. Many times.❞

❝Mh. And that kiss, was it all part of a game?❞

❝Well, first of all, you asked for that kiss.❞ Yasmeen were almost offended, but his question was legitimate. ❝Also, no it wasn't. It was...❞ She was almost embarassed, but she owed him the truth. ❝It was my first kiss. Well, not truly. But the first I wanted too, so I think of it this way. I wouldn't have shared this with her.❞

She tought he blushed for a second, but she couldn't be sure. He still looked so stoic. ❝How can I be sure you're telling the truth?❞

❝You can't.❞

She truly wished she could say something different, but she couldn't. He stayed silent and she did too. The silence stretched for at least a dozen minutes. Not a single sound in the church outside of their quiet breathes. Yasmeen turned away at some point, looking at the status of Farore. Even the goddess couldn't appease her right now. The girl thought about leaving, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

It was almost twenty minutes later that Malachai spoke again. ❝My father and my mother made a pact when I was very young. I had a twin sister, but she was rumored to be a bastard. My father wanted to get rid of her. My mother protested. In return for keeping her, she had to allow my father to raise me as he saw fit. She couldn't intervene too much. And his idea of raising his first born was to make me actively participate in councils and meals with his general from a very early age. That's why I wasn't allowed to eat with my siblings.❞

Yasmeen tried not to show how deeply this admission touched her. In simply opening up again and answering her previous question, he stated without saying it that he chose to trust her, nonetheless. And, like always, she kept this information like a treasure. ❝That's... Well, that must have been very lonely.❞

❝What?❞

❝It was. And in the end, it didn't even matter. My sister was exiled anyway.❞ She could understand the feeling. They stayed silent, until he surprised her with his next words. ❝It was a peck.❞

❝That kiss. You said it was like your first kiss, but it was just a peck.❞ Yasmeen raised an eyebrow, a bit offended, and Malachai realized what he just said. ❝I mean- I, not that it wasn't, you know - good or anything. Just that - that - that if it was your first kiss, maybe it should've been better, and - and.❞

She smiled then, amused by the way he changed the subject, intrigued to know that this was in his mind somehow. He didn't only think about how she was a potential traitor, but also how her first kiss should've been better.

For once, she allowed herself to not think when she grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards her, until their lips almost touched. She stopped just a second, just to make sure he agreed to it. So when he nodded, she closed the gap between them and kissed him.

It wasn't a light kiss, not at all. It started this way, but she deepened it as much as she could, and he eagerly followed her. They both smiled into the kiss, and she wondered if she ever knew a better feeling. They only stopped kissing when they were both out of breath, but they didn't break apart. He put his forehead on hers, and she didn't move.

❝Is this kiss up to his Higness expectations?❞ she teased.

He laughed. ❝Yes it is. Although some might argue that kissing in a church is a sin.❞

❝Well then. Maybe we should spend more time in here to repent, don't you think?❞ She was flirty. She had never been flirty in her entire life.

❝I think we have no other choice, sadly.❞

They were still smiling as they broke apart, the food completely forgotten. But Malachai looked serious again when he asked: ❝Am I a fool to trust you?❞

❝I don't know.❞ She didn't want to lie to him. ❝But I truly hope not.❞

[kris-mage-fics]

(Oooh we love an equal opportunity shipper and I didn’t know about the rest!) Shery Tallys Chase and Red x Kyrah and 6,7,14,26 and 29 for whatever pairing you want to answer for whatever question 👀

This gets long and there are some alpha build spoilers for #29 so I put at the end. Also, here are some answers about Kyrahlise's relationships with Blade, and with Tallys. (Romance Asks, which btw, if you want to ask any feel free to do so even though I reblogged ages ago. I promise it won't take me five months to answer, lol!)

6. Who is the big spoon? Big spoon: Tallys Little spoon: Shery They switch: Chase and Red, though I think they're both the big spoon more often than Kyrah

7. Favorite date activity? Shery: snuggling under a blanket and reading together, going to cozy tea rooms and cafes, taking crafty classes together

Red: picnics, star-gazing, trips to museums, infodumping to each other

14. Is there anything they associate with each other? Shery → Kyrahlise: room cat, bright smiles, drawings, fresh baked bread, letters and notes with little doodles, paint stained hands Kyrahlise → Shery: sweets (especially cake), morning, roses, racy novels, afternoon tea, floral scents

Chase → Kyrahlise: books, her perfume, rose gold and amethyst, the sound of a pencil on paper, painted flowers, linen sheets, sunshine (that’s his own damn fault tbh) Kyrahlise → Chase: her sun medallion, pretty daggers, open windows, fancy scarves, rings, midnight

(Red don't get one because he associates too. many. things. with his ex-girlfriend, and I haven't spent enough time with Tallys to know what she'd associate with Kyrahlise. Though I can say that Kyrah has a pattern of associating certain times of day with people, like Red is sunset, and Tallys is early morning.)

26. How important is the romance in your OC’s overall story?

No matter who Kyrahlise is with, the romance is important to her overall story. It helps her realize people do actually care about her as a person. Which is something she’s struggled to fully believe since her 13th birthday. She’d actually made a lot of progress on that during her time at the Circle. But the 9/10 years since she left set her back quite a bit.

Also Kyrahlise starts to unpack the idea that she’s a walking time bomb. She told the Shepherds the truth about her past in Chapter 3, and none of them treated her like a threat. Then someone falls in love with her knowing her role in Vale’s disappearance, and the god-like power she wields? There are only two conclusions she can draw. One: they are all suicidal idiots to not be scared of her. Two: She isn’t the existential danger she’s believed herself to be for 16/17 years. Since the first can’t reasonably be applied to everyone in the Shepherds, she has to start to let go of this belief. The fact that someone loves her is the final crack in the foundation of this idea, allowing her to clear away the pieces. 

Something I’ve mentioned before, though I don’t recall where, is that Kyrahlise is very determined to stay alive because she needs to keep the memories of Vale. This butts up against her bad habit of underestimating how much danger she is in, thus making her appear reckless. She also has a rather self-sacrificing nature. As you can imagine, this creates a strange cocktail of things going on in her head. Since joining the Shepherds, her terrible risk assessment, as well as her borderline reckless heroism, has really come to the fore. And she can justify these things as “doing her job”.

Once fully in a romance, she starts to be a little more careful. The thought of upsetting the person she loves by getting hurt when it could’ve been prevented is enough to give her pause. Though I do think this happens fastest if she’s with Blade, because he’s so protective of her (and would be the main thing they fight about). It would happen second fastest with Shery and Red since they are both worriers, and she feels guilty adding to that worry. But it does happen no matter who she’s with, just the speed and details change.

Not that Kyrah, or anyone, needs romance to learn these things. She’s just dense when it comes to what she means to people, platonically or romantically. She doesn’t put more value in romantic relationships, but she’s never been in love before (sorry Circle era Red, lol). The newness of this type of love makes it all the more raw and forces her to examine these beliefs faster.

29. What are your favorite moments that happen between them? (Spoilers for the alpha build below, so if you haven't played beyond the public demo feel free to skip this.)

Shery: In Chapter 8 during the first trial when you talk to everyone, you can heal Shery’s ankle, and the romance version of that scene had me kicking my feet and twirling my hair! The sweet longing looks, the touch of gentle sexual tension! Sometimes I just go back and reread that scene because I love it so much!

Tallys: I love how in Chapter 8 MC can comfort her! She’s so calm and in control of herself most of the time, that it’s really nice to be able to be there for her when she needs it. I like seeing a different side of her. Also, it amuses me that it turns into a make-out session, but that’s very Tallys!

Chase: Okay, the bed sharing scene in Chapter 7 where you can push the beds together with Chase absolutely destroys me! I honestly cried the first time I read it! He’s so sweet and tender, and clearly already head over heels for MC. But MC feels like they can’t trust that side of him. 

Red: Gods, it’s hard to pick! Is it his second day off with the awkward encounter at lunch? Or in Chapter 5 when he doesn’t want MC to know he got propositioned? Or that conversation in Chapter 7 where he’s trying to suss out if MC is into him, and then the kids interrupt?

[h2llish]

we're starting my rambles with riddle, my love <3

there's a lot about riddle to unpack honestly. his mother was super controlling, and he was sheltered his whole life. he wasn't allowed friends, and he obviously didn't have much of an impactful male figure in his life. his parents don't seem to get along and that's me assuming his parents are even together anymore. and he also had to live up to a perfect expectation his mother put on him. like holy shit, that's a lot.

he doesn't know how to hold decent conversation, can't understand some social cues, and if you haven't noticed, he kind of struggles with maintaining friendships.

coming from someone whose been sheltered by a pretty controlling mother (and step-father, kinda), i can say i totally understand. while my mother didn't have a name to herself and she was a sahm (stay at home mom) so she never held many expectations, she still sheltered and controlled my siblings and i. for the longest time, like riddle, i hadn't realized that what my mother was doing wasn't right or normal. she prevented me from making decent relationships, ultimately ruining my social skills entirely and giving me enough insecurities to cover five(+) of me. i was fortunate enough to have my siblings to rely on, but it became unhealthy and none of us know how to handle real relationships/friendships when we're faced with them. even now, at 18, i remain under her control because of how sheltered i was growing up that the very thought of living without that control is terrifying.

now you take what i just told you about my controlling mother and you add that to riddle's life, you'll see just how shitty his childhood must've been. he didn't even know his mother was controlling until he overblots, he remained completely unaware of his trauma until the chaos of it built up into a meltdown. the only friendships he did have were forbidden when his mother learned he was interacting with other children, and with their leave so went his ability to learn proper, healthy, means of coping and social relationships.

and even after he became aware of the trauma of it all, he can't exactly change at the snap of a finger. he has to unlearn all the unhealthy aspects of what his mother taught him and learn more proper ways of dealing with anything.

and his temper? he probably learned that from his mother. you guys seen the way she acted when she learned her only son was making friends. it is very possible for a child to learn and take on qualities from their parents/guardians and he probably learned his anger from her. and to add to that, he never learned to properly cope with his own emotions under his mother's rule, so his anger is far more uncontrolled.

and i haven't even gotten to his insecurities and shit.

now im going to exclude his height here for obvious reasons (we all know how he is).

riddle probably fails to realize he even has insecurities. his trauma as a "golden" (only) child is enough to cloud the part of your brain that recognizes when you are feeling insecure. he still has so much to learn about himself, and that includes the insecurities that come with his childhood.

insecurities are actually pretty difficult to touch with him as it could be a number of things, and this is all guesswork, assumptions, observations; you can't know for sure. but i'm going to say what i think.

he's relearning everything from new, so i imagine that must make him a little insecure. to live under your mother's rule and then have a complete breakdown over it? someone like him would absolutely be embarrassed if they had to unlearn everything their mother taught them just so they could learn more healthy topics and methods.

he has a fear of failure; absolutely no one can say otherwise because it is so obvious. before his overblot, the stress of continuing to live up to the expectations his mother gave him was a weigh down and added to his blot build up. and after his overblot, he can't exactly break from that mentality. regardless of how much he may try or how much help someone may give, that sort of mentality that's been added to and built on for years cannot be easily broken. it's been shaped so much it might as well be comparable to a full concrete fortress of, "must pass this", "not good enough", and "she'll be disappointed".

he fears disappointment from other people. now listen, i know this one might seem far-fetched. he was and still sort of is dedicated to pleasing his mother, and absolutely sucks at forming decent relationships with other people because of poor social skills. but he is the housewarden of heartslabyul. he has definitely placed expectations on himself that he believes should be met and if they aren't he fears he's let down everyone in the dorm. what good of a queen is he if he can't live up to the quotas and expectations, he's set for himself? if he can't meet every rule? if he does not keep his dorm in the position of best?

he has the nagging insecurity and overall fear of never being good enough. whether that be with his mother, his friends, or future partners. he fears he will never meet someone's expectations and fail to be good enough for them. and this leads to my next statement, loneliness. his only friends were forbidden from him, and he's had no one but his mother until nrc. but even then, no one has been that close to him except try and che'nya so i imagine he must get lonely. and after his overblot, i assume that loneliness must have reached a suffocating point now that he knows about how wrong his mother's behavior was.

now to end this ramble and listen to me on this one ━ he's insecure. that's it. he's insecure about himself, his height, his trauma; everything. he's insecure.

overall, there is just so much to him and i just think people need to think about that when they refer to riddle. he's not just his anger and obsessive need for perfection; he's someone still learning his trauma and trying to better himself.

[gatheredfates]

Soon I say. Then immediately head over here. I have no chill today. I already lightly poked at your characters before asking.

So first question. Koret. Echo. Okay those aren't really questions but tell me about the Echo and her. How does she experience it? She sees it as a curse so I imagine it gets in the way. But what exactly does it let her do? Or do to her?

:)

Koret and the Echo have a very complicated relationship.

In truth, her feelings on the Echo depend on what verse I'm playing her in, because her WoL verse has a very circular relationship that she's only just coming to terms with, whereas her general/in-game verse doesn't have that same kind of closure.

I'll break it down into those parts but I'll pop it under a read-more, only because I tend to get carried away when talking about her.

I may drabble these at some point.

Warrior of Light

Kor, point blank, did not want to be the Warrior of Light. She made it known to the Scions very early in the piece that the only reason that she was allying with them was because her secondary option was killing herself, and she'd prefer to take out Hydaleyn before she did. She was not a kind or palatable character in early ARR.

The thing was, the Echo was nothing but a horror. Her very first manifestation of it showed her sister being murdered and thrown to the brine beneath La Noscea, and she could do absolutely nothing to stop it. She was on her ship at least two days away from port, having just had a major argument with her, and in no place to warn or protect. Her death was an inevitability she could not stop.

Kor has a complicated relationship with her sister. She was protective in the same way she could be possessive; she wanted to shelter her from everything, even at the cost of her experiences, and part of that she felt was the reason she ran into her father's arms when he promised even an ilm of protection. Kor's treatment was more akin a raw nerve — jagged edges and white-hot reactions — and, while her heart was in the right place, a creature raised on rage and trauma learns to extend the same in kind. There were times where she was not a good person, or a good sibling, and those are things she has had to reconcile in Lily's death.

That makes her angry. This anger, this hate, influenced everything she did. What was the point of The Echo if it couldn't stop the one thing she so desperately wished she could avert? She didn't want the people of Eorzea to look at her like she was a hero. If she could carve The Echo out and give it to them malignant and squirming, she would have. If they wanted to be the hero and risk life and limb, they could bloody well have it. All she was interested in was undermining whatever sick individual(s) thought she ought to be the 'chosen one'.

It didn't even occur to her that she was softening over time. Every time she did, it felt like there was another blow — another obstacle — she and the Scions needed to overcome. Rage became resignation, she told herself; even if she'd risk life and limb for them.

It's not so much the Echo does anything to her, no more so than a regular WoL. A lot of the time her visions come to her in dreams, or in strange, intangible pictures she needs to decipher, but they don't hurt her. In Stormblood, she comes to the terrible realisation she had been relying on The Echo when Zenos took her eye, and that causes her outrage all over again.

It's a Catch-22. She didn't mind The Echo when it allowed her to kill her father, but despised using its clairvoyance. It merely showed her that all her thoughts about him were right.

There's a lot in here that I could unpack that would make this already really long reply longer than it already is, but I'll cut to the chase. Elpis was eye-opening for her. Meeting Venat changed her perspective. Events within Shadowbingers had already given her a more sympathetic look towards the ancients and the cruelty of fate, but coming face to face with the person she told herself she hated... she didn't hate her. She simply could not hate her. In telling her the story of how she had come to be, she also had to tell her about her sister.

It was that horrible, gut-wrenching realisation that she needed to ask Venat to only give her The Echo on the night her sister died.

She needed to see that she died, to feel the weight of her death, before she would do anything. Where Lily alive, she wouldn't become the Warrior of Light. If she didn't see her death, there would be no rage to live for — no constant push to adventure and endure for her 'revenge'. Venat had to inflict the worst horror for the greatest kindness, and she did it knowing Kor ( or, more apt, Kore — her protégé, inheritor of her seat ) would hate her.

She did it anyway.

What's crazy about all of that is I made up the former part of Kor's story in Stormblood. Everything beyond that was just a happy accident, and it feels right for it to come full circle in that way. Fate had to play out a certain way so she and others could chart their own course. She needed to live because she deserved to live.

Minor footnotes are that I did drabble parts of it here. I'd like to revisit it at some point but... it's there.

In Game/General Verse

All the stuff surrounding Lily still applies. Kor simply never sought out the Scions. Instead, she was pulled off the brink by Crow and ushered keenly into Firelight Trading Company.

Kor... doesn't like The Echo. That's not a shock. While it gives her the future-sight to predict storms and keep her safe, it's also the little bastard who likes to give her a play-by-play of her friends and loved ones' lives.

There's a indescribable level of mortification that comes from trying to respect peoples' boundaries and their trauma, only for The Echo to conveniently say 'hehe, let's tell you anyway!' in nightmares you can't escape from. It feels invasive and spiteful to her, even if those it affects knows it's not her fault. She wouldn't want people to see into her life, so why is it fair she gets to?

Obviously, I'm very mindful of the power The Echo holds, and I'm deliberate in reinforcing that it doesn't give Kor any advantages in regular roleplay. It's just there for ~flavour~.

However, in both verses she wrecked her ship on Leviathan because she couldn't be tempered and got her just rewards from The Maelstrom. That was probably the best thing that came from it.

[frauleindermorgen]

i'm sorry to be a pelleas rper and ask for 3-13's pre-battle scene 🙈 u know the lines,

canon scene meme | open

it's okay n. nat had ur back anyhoww WAHOO MORE RADIANT DAWN SPOILERS BELOW.

cont. from this ask. let's pick the scene right up again

[ミカヤ] ……でき…ません………▼ "I can't.... I can't do it..."

We've covered what happens if Micaiah accepts Pelleas' command. The scene where Tauroneo kills him instead does not add much, though I do think it's interesting when Almedha insists it must have been Micaiah's fault her son died the response is "...". She doesn't deny it, even though she herself had just been crying over his body. idk idk there's a lot to unpack her without Almedha let's move on

Pelleas apologizes to Sothe and Miciah both for the trouble after handing Tauroneo the knife on NG+, asking Micaiah to give Almedha a ring and his love.

[ペレアス] ミカヤ… この指輪を母上に。▼ できれば…… 心より愛していましたと 伝えてほしい。▼ "Micaiah. This ring, give it to my mother. Tell her I truly loved her, please." [ミカヤ] ……っ……… ……………………▼ (a pained sound)

*lol i was wrong she technically makes a noise here. probably a sharp intake of breath. 🤓

[ペレアス] さようなら、みんな。▼ "Goodbye, everyone."

[ミカヤ] いいえ……っ！ だめです！ ペレアス王、諦めてはだめ！！▼ "N-no! "Not this! King Pelleas, you cannot give up!"

(Micaiah steps between Pelleas and Tauroneo as the latter makes the stab animation. The screen goes white.)

[ペレアス] 君は、なんてことをするんだ…！ "Micaiah, why!" [ミカヤ] ……だい…じょうぶです… …わたしは……▼ "It's.... fine.... I'm... "[ペレアス] すぐ治療を……▼ "A healer, we need - " [ミカヤ] …いりません！▼ ……こんな傷………平気です…▼ あなたを犠牲にして…生き続���ろと 言われることに比べたら…… 痛みなんて…ないも同然です……▼ "We don't! This is... fine... Compared to... hearing you say you'd sacrifice yourself... This pain is nothing."

SO!!!!!! looking this over after initially lobbing the jp version of this scene at n i have MORE to say wahaha. Now that I'm not hastily translating it the already BANGER lines about Micaiah's pain meaning nothing to her contain so much more when accurately translated. It's not just that it's less painful because Pelleas isn't being sacrificed. Being stabbed by Tauroneo is literally less painful to her than hearing Pelleas plead for his death before her. Fuck me up.

[ペレアス] ………ミカヤ……▼ ……だけどっ！ 僕のせいなんだっ！！▼ あんな誓約をした責任を…… …せめてこの命で償いたい……▼ "Micaiah.... but still! All of this remains my fault. The responsibility of making that vow... I thought if I could atone for it with my life..."

[ミカヤ]……逃げないで……▼ "You're running away.... don't. [ペレアス] ！▼ [ミカヤ] 戦いましょう。 最後の一瞬まで……▼ …たとえ、わずかでも…… わたしたちには可能性が残されている… ……だから………生きて……▼ "Let's fight on. Until the very end.... it may be small... but there is a chance.... so you have to live...."

I said in my last post I think Micaiah is angry at Pelleas here, and I stand by that. I think it's her anger that is allowing her to speak so frankly here. The adrenaline rush that led her to get in the knife's path and her words directly after it, I find difficult to interpret as anything other than an anger born of love. Don't get me wrong Micaiah's actions here could read as platonic but guess what kids my house my blog and 1. This scene being the cliche "realizing feelings too late" hits hard and good and i make the canon 2. Whoever shipped Micapell on the writers team WENT OFF during this exchange so i feel vindicated by you intsys employee. I see you.

To end this speel I do think the last lines are very telling of Micaiah's overall character, as well as her feelings for Daein. Not just Pelleas. The base conversation where Micaiah swears to Sothe she'd rather be like Ashnard than just if being just means having the people of Daein slaughtered is a direct continuation of this thought process, and I think it is a good example as - even if we lack many DB scenes - she continues to exist as their leader and beacon of hope. I think I'll talk more on this in another post but for now :salute:

[aircea]

I love how ominous she looks with the light on. So the flu came and stayed and I spent every day carrying a bit of my household down to the new apartment, as much as my lungs and the fever would allow. Alas, finding a company at such short notice was a bust. Usually, you have two to three months after canceling your lease so the "moving starts in two days" was a blessing and a curse... mostly a curse really. The feeling of pushing my luck went away quickly after I got my beauty, the transport cost three times as much as she did herself and of course, she arrived before the floor so now she stands there in all her glory, with all the stuff I put in there (because I had to put it somewhere) and the rolled up new flooring next to her.

At least the morning view is nice... piles of unpacked stuff aside.

Ikea did me dirty and the sink and cabinet I wanted for the bathroom were unavailable, so I am staying with what is there now. My old kitchen fits more or less into the new space, with a lot of space to spare but I've set it up temporarily with ugly ducktape finishes, because if I make it pretty it will stay like this for the next several years. I enjoy being a hermit in general but right now I wish I had some friends instead of just acquaintances... putting the floor into the workroom requires taking apart the display cabinet, if I take her apart I would want to give her some TLC, she was stained but the job on the base is not as great. So I'd like to sand the base down and restain it... if I do that I need to do the rest as well, which is a job of several full days, meaning it'll be weeks till she can be put back again. I can neither take her apart nor put her back by myself, it's a two (preferably three) person job, and that is the kind of stuff you just can't ask of an acquaintance or work colleague. I wanted to have the bathroom done and the workroom halfway there before going back to work again but I'm still not a 100% so nothing has been finished really and I've resigned myself to live amongst boxes for the foreseeable future. At least my experiment with some stick-on vinyl turned out nice, I did not have enough for the shelves so I ordered more but this will be the laundry&cleaning supplies cabinet for now, I just stuffed all the miscellaneous jars and tins in there, till I have a space to put them away properly.

[onlymurdersintheafterparty]

A Murder at the End of the World: Homme Fatale

FX has a new Murder mystery series and I’ve been avoiding it because I thought it was another true crime documentary 🤣 The show is described as a mystery series about a Gen Z hacker and amateur sleuth named Darby who is invited to a isolated retreat by a billionaire along with 8 other guests. When one of the guests is killed, it’s up to Darby to figure out who the killer is and stop them before it’s too late. Here is my recap and thoughts about the first episode. Spoilers ahead!

The series opens with Darby walking down a street listening to The End by The Doors which makes for a very creepy beginning to the series. Darby arrived at a book signing where it’s revealed that Darby is an author herself and has come to read from her book The Silver Doe. The Silver Doe is a true crime book that Darby wrote about herself and her lover named Bill on the hunt for a serial killer. Based off of how Darby has described this killer and that several women may have been their victims, we can assume that this will be the same killer that Darby will be chasing at the resort she ends up at with the other guests.

Darby’s reading is told through a flashback of her and Bill not only visiting but hacking into this suspected killer’s home. We learn that while yes Darby is a good hacker, she is lacking in discernment. From allowing Bill to park in the garage, to going into a basement of a house that she hasn’t even checked to see if anyone is inside, it’s clear she makes terrible choices. Not only did the two break in, they tore up the basement floors to try to see if they could find any bodies. AND THEY SLEPT THERE. Now I will give Darby props for discovering the stairs were redone to cover a buried body, but that whole scene was so anxiety inducing. I get wanting to be the first to crack a case but you can’t reap the rewards if you’re dead. When asked by an audience member what happened to Bill she refuses to answer so we know there’s a lot to unpack there.

At twenty minutes into the episode, we finally get into the main plot. Andy Robson, a reclusive billionaire and tech genius who Darby previously mentioned at her book reading, has contacted her. This already feels super shady, but especially so when his assistant shows up at her place and demands to be let in but can only be seen on the cell phone. Andy Ronson has invited her along with 8 guests to meet on a paid for retreat because he wants to meet all of their brilliant minds to discuss technology. Darby is hesitant but agrees after learning that Lee, Andy’s wife will be there. Lee is a hacker who Darby looks up to so there was no doubt that she’d attend the trip. It feels like a set up but we shall see. All these precautions taken just to board and the fact that Andy has been keeping tabs on her just gives me a weird feeling idk.

After a strange dream/flashback we learn that the guests have been taken to Fljot Valley in Iceland. I love a Good snowed in and isolated mystery and it’s giving me the same vibe as the HBO limited series The Head. But on to the suspects:

Martin Mitchell, a filmmaker who wants to make a film about missing Black women in D.C.

Lu Mei, a woman who builds smart cities in China, Yinchuan to be exact

Dr. Sian Cruise, a doctor who is researching colonizing the moon

David Alvarez, a venture capitalist born in Argentina

Ziba, an Iranian activist

Oliver, works with robotics

The mysterious Bill in question, Bill Farrah

Rohan, ???

Marius

Lee Andersen

Andy Ronson

Lu Mei’s assistant who never speaks

Todd

Ray

I’m starting to think Darby is an unreliable narrator with her Silver Doe book 🤔 What really happened with Bill? And Lee is giving me unfulfilled housewife vibes which is sad because Darby describes her as being brilliant.

After a dinner of introductions and being absolutely shook at Bill’s reappearance, the two end up having a small chat before both return to their rooms. I can’t help but feel that Bill will be the first victim because he said there was something he needed to tell Darby before leaving alone which breaks mystery/thriller/horror rule #1 to never go off alone,especially when you have important info to share. And sure enough, he’s dead. This sucks because he was such an interesting character and I wanted to see more of him and Darby together.

My first theory:

Darby was invited because she was needed as a fall guy or the murder was anticipated and they needed a sleuth but didn’t want to use the police. Lee and Bill knowing each other is very suspicious but it could very well be a red herring. Martin and Sian both seemed like fans of Bill so maybe they’ve met before and we’re either obsessed or had a bad encounter after dinner. It would be so wild if Ray did it on Andy’s command but the question then is how since he’s ai. But then again the room could have been rigged to be tampered with. I hate that Bill died without even hinting at who killed him because that would have given us something to work with.

All in all I’m liking the show so far and I’m glad to have a new mystery series to focus on. What do you guys think so far?

[percontaion-points]

It’s funny being on the internet and being able to read about the life experiences of complete and utter strangers. Even if it’s nothing more than a snippet of their live, and you never see these people on fb/tumblr/twitter/whatever again...

Today’s example is of sex ed. People sharing the valuable life lessons that they learned in the class.

Me, reading through their comments, knowing full well that I was raised in a religious, republican hellscape: 

IDK if I’ve ever told the story of my “sex ed” before, but here it goes...

I was in junior high. They pulled us out from gym one day. Probably because it was a requirement, but considered kind of a dumb one. Not like English or math, which the state makes you do all of these standardized tests on. Nobody tests for physical health much these days. 

So we go into this room off from the side of the auditorium, where there’s this lady there. And I know that she said a lot to fill up the entire hour of class, but I’ve repressed most of my junior high experience because it was such a goddamned nightmare for me. It’s only recently that the memory of this singular, 55 minute experience bobbed up to the surface. 

What I do remember is that she had one boy come up and handed him a heart made from construction paper. She then got a lot of girls to come down and pretend to date the boy. For each girl that he dated, the speaker told us that he gave himself to her. And in doing so, he “gave away part of his heart”. Here, he’d rip of pieces of the heart and give it to her. 

Finally, here’s one girl who’s kept herself pure. She got a giant, plywood heart with red felt glued on over it. She gave her giant, plywood heart to the boy. The only thing she got in return was a tiny scrap of red construction paper, which was all that was left from the boy’s “flings”. 

At the time, the entire thing was nothing more than a boring waste of time. I went off to whatever class I had next, probably only grateful that we’d been allowed to skip out on basketball or running or whatever sport was thrown at us that week. 

But revisiting the memory of that “lesson” through the lens of an adult is... um... interesting, to say the least. 

And it’s not that I’m saying that guys or girls should go and fuck literally every single person that’s remotely interested. 

But it was also kind of funny about how the speaker ever commented on any of the other girls that the boy slept with. About how loose that they were. That they were also giving their hearts to the boy, too. The only goal of her story was the girl at the end, with the giant, unbreakable heart. 

And we don’t know that the boy truly loved any of those random girls pulled into the example. So it seems kind of weird to judge somebody when you don’t know the first thing about them. 

Yes, giving yourself to somebody can be a special event. Especially when it’s your first time. 

And yes, you can look back at your first time and think “I loved him back then, but then I realized that he was a shitty person.” I think that it’s perfectly normal to have relationships as a teenager, feel like you’re so mad for them... and then wake up one day and say “Wow, what was I thinking?” If you don’t mature and changed as you grow older, then what’s the point even?

Anyway, my sex ed was really messed up. And I’m sure that some others from our class, who didn’t have easy access to fanfics like I did, who had super strict, religious parents, walked away from that “lesson” feeling ten times of messed up. They probably unpack it a lot in therapy now. (At least, I hope that they do.)

Looking back, I wish that I’d been more with it, and had started to ask the “instructor” some hard-hitting questions. Not even about sex, but like... genital herpies. Or whatever. “You came here to tell us not to have sex. Are you or are you not a qualified sex ed instructor? Why did you come here if you’re not going to tell me about my cervix? Do you even know what a cervix is? Can we talk about rape?”

[sagefranklin]

She couldn't help but chuckle softly as Yasemin's reasoning for doing the dishes, though she wasn't going to voice that the reason she was amused was because the mention of favorite mom implied that there was another mom to be the not-favorite. There was a lot to unpack in that thought; the fact that she never thought she'd be raising a child without another mother, or that she'd be raising one with a father, and the wishful feeling that she'd been more truthful with the woman in front of her and allowed her to make her own decision about being involved with both her and Maggie when she'd found out she was pregnant. It wasn't worth the conversation, not when the time to make those decisions were long in the past, and the last thing she felt like doing in that moment was talking at all.

Her gaze turned toward the end of the hallway not too far from them and beyond that, the opening to the backyard from the kitchen. Anyone who was looking for the bathroom could stumble upon them, yet that risk was something that settled deep in her stomach and made it even more difficult to resist stepping forward and closing the distance between them. "Might be a little less of a gamble if we get it out of the way first," Sage pointed out, an amused breath falling from her lips, pushing herself off of her spot against the wall to take a step toward Yasemin, offering the woman a soft grin as her fingertips fell to the hem of her shirt, giving it a short, teasing tug as she spoke, "Though where's the fun in showing all of your cards before the game even starts?"

"Or just the fact that her favorite mommy will get to spend more time with her and less time with dishes," Yas shrugged. That, really, was the most important part of her taking on just a small bit of the chores to help out. The less Sage had to worry about, the more time she could spend with her daughter. If that was a gift she could give Maggie, it seemed completely worth doing the dishes. It was a small thing, perhaps, but a small thing that Yasemin had no problem doing. At Sage's comment, Yasemin could swear that the other woman probably heard the rapid thud of her heart beating out of her chest. The increasing want, perhaps need even, to just close the distance between them was becoming an overwhelming emotion. Something about the party, the allure of the almost certainty that someone would walk up on them at any moment, made everything feel all the more heightened. Gulping down a breath, Yas let out a soft laugh in response. The logical side of her was screaming at her to just back away down the hallway and get out before she did something stupid. Things were complicated between them for a reason, they had a lot to talk about and figure out, but all Yasemin's one remaining brain cell could think about was the two steps it would take to be on the other side of the hallway with Sage. "That's a gamble I'm willing to take," she answered back after a beat, teeth gnawing down at her lower lip.

[uptoolateart]

The Problem with Alya

The fanbase seems to be aggressively divided over Alya. I confess she rubs me the wrong way…but there was a moment in ‘Strike Back’ that made me decide that’s what the writers intended. With that in mind, I want to unpack unpack Alya’s character arc so far. There are two sides to this – Alya in relation to Marinette and Alya in relation to Ladybug – and we’ll look at each of these in turn.

Alya in Relation to Ladybug

Let’s be real, here – Alya desperately wanted the superhero gig. If we look back at the origin story in season 1, when Marinette first meets Alya, she gushes about Majestia over in New York. Alya is obsessed with superheroes. Marinette, by contrast, isn’t that interested; and when she’s granted the power, she tries to give it up. She asks Alya if she’d like to be a superhero. Alya enthuses that of course she would, and Marinette attempts to pass the miraculous onto her, on the sly.

This is a key moment, because the hero’s journey structure begins by introducing the main protagonist in his/her 'ordinary world’ – daily life. Even if it’s a fantasy environment with dragons and unicorns, if the protagonist accepts this as the norm, that’s the ordinary world.

Then comes the call to adventure – in this case, Marinette being chosen as the holder of the ladybug miraculous. Heroes generally refuse the call, and some outside circumstance forces them to step outside their comfort zone and onto the journey towards personal growth. We see this with Marinette, when she doubts her abilities and tries to renounce the power. You could say those most worthy of power are those who don’t want it.

Crucially, Alya doesn’t deny that call. Jump forward a bit, and Ladybug loans her the fox miraculous. Alya is gleeful about being chosen – no hesitation. In fact, when Ladybug calls on her to uphold her promise to give back the miraculous, Alya tries to renege on their deal and keep it. Trix has to talk her into being honourable.

Jump forward again to season 4 and we see Alya:

urge Marinette to allow her to keep the miraculous permanently;

go beyond Marinette’s instructions and give Nino the turtle just because he’s her boyfriend;

tell Nino about Rena Furtive, against Marinette’s wishes;

take endless selfies and gush about her costume changes;

and worry more about her superhero name than about how to defeat the villain, when she finally gets her hands on that ladybug miraculous.

Worse still, in ‘Hack-San’, when Marinette sends all those texts about what to do while taking her place for the weekend, Alya rolls her eyes and acts as if her friend is a nag.

All of this comes down to Alya seeing all of it as a game. In ‘Hack-San’ Cat Noir bitterly tells her, ‘You are not Ladybug’ – and he’s right. Alya demonstrates that she just doesn’t have it in her to do what Ladybug does. She can’t do the Spiderman thing and lead a double life, putting the whole of Paris before herself. And she knows it, as demonstrated by the end of that episode, when her only way out of Hack-San’s trap is to arrange it so that Marinette can come back and save them all.

It’s so easy to judge Alya for this…but actually…she’s 14. Probably most 14-year-olds would act the way she does, if given superpowers. Looked at that way, I think we can forgive her zeal and focus more on what it says about Marinette and Adrien. And I think Alya realises this, in ‘Strike Back’. When she renounces Trix and hands the power back to Marinette, that’s Alya’s moment of redemption. She has just realised this isn’t a game and she is not on the same level as Marinette.

I like to think she also realised she’s not on the same level as Cat Noir – because she spent a lot of time making fun of him, throughout three seasons, and she must now see that he has hidden depths.

I said before: when Ladybug hands out those miraculous to temporary holders, they don’t have to bear the same burden of responsibility that Ladybug and Cat Noir do. Only they were chosen by Master Fu. Only they are forced to put all their feelings aside for the sake of everyone else’s safety.

Alya in Relation to Marinette

Okay, so we can forgive Alya as Rena Rouge or Rena Furtive. What I find more challenging is Alya as Marinette’s best friend. A lot of people online say they wish they had a friend like Alya. At 38, Alya reminds me so vividly of certain girls I knew at 14 who I had to sever ties with because they were so insidiously toxic – and I’ll explain why.

For me, Alya is a subtle bully. Right back in season 1, she was saying things to Marinette like, ‘Check if you left your brain in there, girl.’ I had a couple girlfriends who said things like that to me, when we were younger. Those kinds of comments burrowed their way into my unconscious and gave me a huge personal complex. They crushed my confidence. I felt stupid just about every time I opened my mouth. You can try to shrug it off as teasing, but it’s harsh and unnecessary. It’s not how friends should talk to each other – but a lot of girls, in particular, do it.

Similarly, in ‘Dark Blade’, when Marinette says she’s too busy to run for class representative, Alya gives her this look of mockery and says, ‘Doing what? Sleeping?’ Even without knowing Marinette is Ladybug, Alya immediately brushes off the idea that her ‘best friend forever’ could possibly have anything important going on in her personal life. She never stops to think that perhaps there is a good reason why her friend is always oversleeping or turning up late.

If I had a friend like Marinette, I’d be checking in with her constantly to see if there was something wrong. I’d worry about things like depression. But Alya is repeatedly condescending and rude. She rolls her eyes at just about everything Marinette says and loves to tell her that she’s wrong.

For me, the worst offense concerns Lila. Marinette’s word should surely count for something. Marinette personally witnessed Lila walk to the bottom of a staircase and pretend to be hurt, to frame her. Lila told her to her face that she would hurt her. Yet, for all her speeches about seeking truth, Alya doesn’t want to hear her supposed best friend’s testimony.

In ‘Ladybug’ we even see Alya pat Lila on the shoulder and give her a sympathetic look, demonstrating that she will hear Lila out even after cutting Marinette off and telling her she was jumping to conclusions and unfairly accusing someone with no proof. There can be no greater proof than the testimony of someone you trust completely. This incident tells us that she doesn’t trust Marinette the way she says she does.

Then, in ‘Time Tagger’ Alya tells Marinette she found another friend to babysit her little sisters, and it turns out to be Lila. Alya chooses not to tell Marinette, which is dishonest. She refers to Lila as a ‘friend’, after everything her supposed best friend has told her. (And let’s not forget that Lila and Alya held the same power of illusion! Despite Alya’s speeches about truth, she is the superhero of deception.)

It reminds me of this time when I too was 14 and a boyfriend did something reprehensible to me. I told my closest friends, and one of them said, ‘Well, he’s never done anything bad to me, so I’m not going to stop talking to him. I mean, it’s just your word against his, and I want to stay neutral.’ There are moments when you can’t be neutral – you have to take a stand. If someone behaves that way, they aren’t listening to you, they aren’t trusting you, they aren’t extending true care, and they aren’t a real friend – end of.

So, let’s jump back to ‘Strike Back’, and ‘Risk’. Marinette tells all her classmates that Adrien told her personally that he doesn’t want to go away with Lila. The others don’t really know them quite as well, so it irritates me that they don’t trust Marinette, but I can shrug it off (sort of). And I kind of get Nino’s argument that she shouldn’t prevent Adrien from getting out and seeing the world, after all his time locked up at home. I don’t at all understand Alya cutting off her ‘BFF’ to say it’s just about Marinette not liking Lila, and that Marinette can’t control everyone’s lives.

I saw fans say Alya had been turned nasty very suddenly, in that episode. No, she hadn’t. It was always there. If you watch the whole show again, you’ll see examples in just about every single episode, from the very beginning. Early on in season 1, in ‘Lady Wi-Fi’ you’ll hear Marinette describe Alya as always jumping to conclusions without thinking things through first. You might also notice the way Alya usually says, ‘I’m your best friend,’ rather than, ‘You’re my best friend,’ almost as if she’s programming Marinette into needing her. It’s weird!

At the end of ‘Strike Back’, the only one who came to Marinette’s aid was Adrien / Cat Noir. He had the most reason to walk away, but he was the one who stuck by her side. It’s the two of them, again, the only ones who truly understand the great responsibility that comes with the power they were chosen to hold.

And what was Alya doing while Shadow Moth made his threat on Paris? Filming it! Maybe all of us would film it – but all of us aren’t meant to be Ladybug’s BFF, right? Surely she should have been using that phone to call her best friend and lend support, not filming the fallout so she could get likes on her blog.

Again, she’s only 14. There’s time for her to reflect and grow. I’m not writing her off for all time – but there are serious problems there, and I feel certain the writers know it and wrote in those problems deliberately.

By the end of season 4, what we saw was Alya realising that she’s not the main hero of this story. She has her own personal journey to go on and it’s not at all like the one her ‘best friend’ has been on. This is why Alex, not Alya, is the holder of the miraculous of the last resort (and therefore seemingly more trusted than someone like Alya). Alya would likely use that power for her own means, given the right set of circumstances. She doesn’t make the best decisions.

I think this is another reason why in ‘Ephemeral’ Marinette didn’t tell Alya about Cat Noir being Adrien. I know, secrecy, Shadow Moth, blah blah – but it’s more than that. There is something Ladybug and Cat Noir share that no one else does. There is an intimacy there that no one else can penetrate or take away – no matter how hard Alya tried in season 4. I love that although we began the season worried about Alya stealing the show from Cat Noir, it transpired to be a plot device to force Adrien into greater self-understanding and to take the show back, at the last moment.

There’s always room for Alya to improve – but it is my opinion that Adrien / Cat Noir is Marinette / Ladybug’s true best friend. She just doesn’t know it, yet.