#because then afterwards ill google him up

[heartofalifer]

sometimes I lay at night thinking what exactly did daisy write in the description of alec hardy's tinder profile and what pictures did she use that made her think that could get women to swipe right on him. was it selfies? was it candid photos she took? was alec wearing that blue jumper on and reading a paper with his legs crossed in the photos? I need to know

[kcdrawns]

Kaji Ren Theory

Hello so first of I am basing this in experiences in real life of someone close to me and it will contain manga spoilers.

(Tw: Mental Illnesses, abuse and bad parenting, feat aka Aku (me) being a Dad )

We all know kaji as a monster and goes in blind rage it was already told in the anime very lightly.

One thing that stood out to me is how Kaji never remembers when he goes into that blind rage, completely shocked afterwards.

It does seem a lot like dissociative Identity disorder (DiD), for those who don't know is when someone who is young suffer a lot of repetitive trauma none stop and the brain decides the only chance to survive is to split. I am not going into detail since everyone has Google now a days if they are in Tumblr. (Info here)

The amnesia of actions from an alter (one of the splits) are one of the symptoms and from my point of view, Kaji's alter is not violent as in I will hurt because why not but it can be a protective one that is a persecuter (alter that isn't bad but wants to protect but accidently causes harm) fits perfectly in kaji. It seems like a last resort, he looked at Kusumi and Enomoto, before going rampage in a desperste atrempt to protect himself and his friends and team.(The manga part of the fight in the bridge with Banjo.)

Kaji in the manga also when younger with hiragi and other future Furin members cries a lot out of anger, don't know if I am going crazy but as someone who deals with did irl and kids with trauma that is a very common response, to lash out and yell out of anger while crying, it's not being heard at home/school or even being abused physically. Everyone in junior blamed Kaji and named him a monster, yet no one asked, why? Why is the kid acting like this? What is going on? Wich deeply saddens me.

Most Furin boys have so much rocky paths it truly is heart breaking, I wish grown ups where more aware and it's a bit of a critique to society in my end.. people always blame kids but never try to see the reasoning behind the kids acrions because in the end abused kids, either isolate due to negeletc and trauma or mimic the parents actions and can be seen as vile or hostile..

˚₊⋅─── /ᐠ - ˕ -マ ───⋅ ˚₊

Anyway! I wanna hear your thoughts on this!🤔 This was quite heavy emotionally and I apologize but gosh. I adore his character a lot.

[muninnhuginn]

okay okay so thoughts on unwanted guest. this is mix of my thoughts when reading and my thoughts thinking back on the overall thing afterwards. My later thoughts will just be distinguished by 'future notes/FN' and everything else is my initial read through.

See below:

Reading the first section and I'm having to tell myself that not everything is an Utena reference. Probably.

Gaudy masks aside from Palamedes whose mask is taped together? Well, that's sure not a metaphor wdym. Guy's been all pieces since GtN.

Ooh the layout is literal script/theatre production? Nice nice. (FN: No wonder it went meta with audience interaction)

Palamedes soliloquy on social etiquette my beloved...

Ianthe playing multiple roles? This is theatre fr

"Almond room"? So... old-style butler, almond, is this a murder mystery ft. cyanide this time?

Coffins 1 through 7... there are nine houses so I'm blanking a bit on the meaning of this. Seven can be considered 'lucky' but somehow I doubt that's it

"A pair of leather trousers" we're losing historical accuracy for the sake of the Draco in Leather Pants reference. Fair enough. (FN: I googled how long leather pants have been around. It's been centuries. Oops.)

"Inspector"? Murder mystery vibes are growing

"You said that three visits ago". This is the second reference to Palamedes having done this before. I wonder how many attempts we've missed. Still, that provides context for his clothes earlier despite he himself being "uninjured"?

I would love to annoy Ianthe via an incredibly long-winded Pokemon battle

Well-timed middle finger from Ianthe

He asks if she's going to play fair and she's already there using genie wish rules 😔

"I'm kind of into the trousers though" Voice confirmed for either Palamedes himself or Muir self-insert (FN: lol)

"The soul is the only thing capable of supplying power without being consumed in the process" interesting. that goes against pretty much everything I know about science but Palamedes is still there trying to science it and that's why the conclusions he draws are so different from Ianthe's? Not to underestimate Ianthe. She was able to backwards engineer lyctorhood. Just, Pal is a STEM guy and it shows

Talking about decay makes me think souls as a radiation metaphor? I mean. To be fair. Nuclear war on Earth would definitely have upped the background radiation there for… quite some time. So it's literal in some ways too. (FN: in retrospect not quite sure I agree with myself about radiation metaphor given how souls having half lives would imply the initial rate of decay is pretty fast and then it slows down. which, yes sure, it could be? But the way it's worded seems to be more of a gradual siphoning so that the reduction in energy won't be noticed for millennia rather than a huge drop and then the rate of energy dropping decreases. That said, I guess if a soul contains so much power that even a tiny tiny bit has a lot of energy then it could still be possible. But eh, I digress.)

The voice???? Hey come back what does that mean (FN: this is at the "I believe in you." "You didn't always. I had to fight for that". Because it maps with what we know about Dulcinea and Palamedes' relationship but it makes their approach to trust more explicit? Palamedes spent a lot of time trying to earn his way into Dulcinea's mind/heart and Dulcinea had a lot of reasons to rebuff him (she literally spells out later that age was a factor but also the fact she wasn't particularly well and the idea of changing that.... well, hope is dangerous))

(FN: Also, knowing the voice is Dulcinea makes me think a lot about "my topic of expertise is putting on a show". Like, huh, she and Cytherea were more alike than I realised. I wonder how much of that is the shared chronic illness and how that impacted their approach to life?)

Courtroom battle time!

Not just courtroom but ace attorney specifically? She is avoiding the question!

"She and I both understand that the goal is always worth the cost". Oh wow, I think Ianthe misreads Harrow so badly here. I'm lowkey amazed at how they lived together for months and yet Ianthe has this perception of her

"I didn't know you smoked" the genre is catchy, can't be helped (FN: rip I missed this clue entirely as being a clue because I was too busy with the meta genre fun)

"she wandered around like she was the protagonist" because she was

These mini duels remind me of the student council segments in Utena. The knife throw one especially

Dulcinea voice? (FN: this was at "oh, you used to say this a lot" because, well, it narrowed things down a lot)

"Harry" pshh, going even more explicit with the drarry roots

Also wow did not call Pal being jealous of Gideon. Genuinely kinda puzzled as to why he was (probably missing something obvious here). Both Palamedes and Ianthe's views on Gideon are kinda eye-opening. I knew Ianthe looked down on Gideon but at the point at which this is set I thought perhaps her opinion would have shifted? Unsure if this is because she sees Kiriona as different or if she's just genuinely doubled down. They're both using past tense during this entire bit though

"I gambled on the truth" this is about the stoma theories? She says she died but that doesn't necessarily mean she was wrong. I am so curious about this. "Awful in the old sense of the word." Full of awe.

I'm just struck as always by the campaldulcie of it all. "I loved real, unfinished things. Gracelessly uncompleted things". Side-eyeing Paul so much rn

"I'm not in the River and I won't ever be again". Just adding this to my long list of questions. Speaking of, how is she even here?

"Was I cute?" "you're perfect" this feels so familiar to me but I can't place it and the closest I'm getting is the ice cream scene in Asteroid City (which timing-wise came out too recently to be it)

Palamedes' final question is such a banger.

(FN: I was trying to do this post blind but I did see a post about my dash about souls as grief and it is so on point. Ianthe's plan for the future has always had Corona in it as another individual by her side and she refuses to contemplate otherwise. Apple experiments for immortality etc etc. Of course, this is the one cost she refuses to pay.)

Ahhhh the genre. Babs is in him?

Babs is in both of them?

Oh icky he's everywhere

Murder mystery deduction time ft. Palamedes as the Inspector

The implications of the souls rubbing off in each other... messy is about right. This kind of thing applies to interactions with people in general to an extent, but the memories and not knowing what is yours and what is someone else's? Shifting preferences? I know this story technically is a side story, but it fits right in with NtN's whole deal about identity and loss of it

Also adds more context to Pal's decision behind Paul if he believed they would always end up like this and he just fast tracked it to ensure they'd live. (You can get this in Nona itself tbf but it's much more implied rather than spelled out?)

"She reaches out and places one hand against its closed lid as the curtain falls". Ianthe refuses to confirm and we as the audience do not get to see. We can take what Pal has told us, what Ianthe doesn't want to think about, but we are denied that complete confirmation.

[stardew-bajablast]

people outside the medical field really think doctors are like these infallible savant geniuses. it’s actually kind of scary. doctors aren’t gods — they’re mostly just trust fund babies with poor social skills and at best, like, slightly above average intelligence.

i saw doctors refusing to mask during the pandemic. there were doctors that refused to get the COVID vaccine until it was made mandatory (and then complain about it being made mandatory afterwards).

i once saw a doctor accidentally smash a plastic suction tip into pieces inside a patient because he didn’t notice that it was wedged directly between the patient’s bone and the metal implant he was hammering into place. we had to spend an hour fishing out all the little pieces and reassembling them on the back table to make sure we retrieved all the pieces. in a different surgery, the same doctor broke off part of an instrument he was literally holding in his hand and didn’t notice until we took post-op ex rays, so the patient had to be wheeled back into the OR for a second surgery to retrieve the broken piece.

one doctor i worked with would constantly try to convince me to invest in crypto. then he suddenly stopped talking about it and would get annoyed if someone brought it up (guessing he fell for a pump & dump scheme and lost the money but I knew better than to ask him that myself)

was doing a surgery once using a set of implants that are sized 7-20 (i don’t know why the smallest size was a 7. would have to ask the people who designed the system). needed the size 9 instrument. the scrub tech hands it to him. says no, this is a 6. i say there is no 6, the size range starts at 7. he says this is a 6. i say he’s holding it upside down and if he turns it the other way, he will see that it’s a size 9. still doesn’t believe me. how dare i say he doesn’t know which way the number is meant to be read. i have the scrub tech hold it up next to the size 8 to show him that it’s bigger than the size 8 and therefore must be a size 9. he grumbles to himself a bit and then continues the surgery.

this is just a couple highlights. there were so many times working in the OR where i thought to myself “how the fuck is this guy legally allowed to practice medicine”. like pretty much on a daily basis

outside of working with doctors, i have also experienced this stupidity from a patient perspective too! i had a doctor who had prescribed me seroquel and when i later complained to that doctor that i had suddenly started wetting the bed out of nowhere, she had no fucking idea why that could be! I was the one who had to research it and literally on the fucking mayo clinic overview for seroquel it lists bed wetting as a known side effect. you can google “seroquel bed wetting” and find dozens of articles and papers about it. she was prescribing me medication that she herself did not even know basic info about

my point is you guys have no fucking idea how stupid doctors can be. educate yourself on your own health and advocate for yourself or find a new doctor if you need to. there are lots of great doctors out there but there are also a LOT of terrible ones. anyone who has worked with doctors or anyone who has a chronic illness will tell you this.

[blue-sled]

there was a hornet

so a hornet flew into the house when I opened the door and i was told "kill it! kill it!" but I don't want to because if I don't end up killing it ill just anger it and then it will sting me so I ever so politely said "hello, hornet. I'm sure you are confused as to why you are inside right now if you could just follow me and ill show you to the door that would be great. thank you." and he actually landed on my shirt so i walked outside with him and once I closed the door and turned around he flew off. I googled his species afterwards and he was native so that's good that I didn't kill him.

the moral of the story; be polite and show respect to winged insects and they will do the same to you. I don't know where he is anymore but id like to think that he's out there telling his hornet friends about a polite human who help him find his way.

[appreciatingtokrev]

thank you! i'm happy to be back <3

that is a long time when things are going downhill but it is better to get out rather than later. that's great, it does show personal growth for both of you and it is nicer for things to end on a more positive note or a positive development. it really doesn't, everything become a hot boiling cauldron of mess and that's true otherwise ill feelings may start to develop too if the attempts keep failing or misunderstandings occurs.

isn't the pc version only for windows users though? i don't think gi and the others were planned for the play stations but they did so well so the company was able to do that. i suppose they don't see the need? because there will be more pc users than switch users and i highly doubt the game would be free for the switch version.

oh, i'm assuming he wasn't allow to teach the classes that you were in then? that's good because it probably would been a problematic problem to have. that is more convenience and that does sound like a funny story 🤣 that was the only incident so it's never been too bad.

if it's from tiktok then we had seen it. it is hard to depart from a childhood friend but the association would only lead to trouble and another reason why koko might been more keen to do it too since inui life would probably been in danger if they still kept ties with each other.

it is a realistic version considering how vile bonten crimes were but maybe inui might had died instead? because the last timeline in s1 both inui and koko are members of the corrupt version of toman. but it is hard to figure it out considering koko was only show in one page during the whole arc 😭 also, have you ever tried cosplaying? i'm getting the outfit together for makima (chainsaw man) but it's only bc i REALLY like the outfit and it's normal clothes that i can wear afterwards. but finding the blazer was a pain in the ass though 😭

i’m glad <3

yeahh lol. i just really really wanted us to work out bc i didn’t wanna lose them as a friend but that ended up not going great until a few weeks ago adhjfhf. very true, yeah.

hm not sure but i thought you can run gi on other systems too... never tried it or know anyone who does tho so what do i know. but if that’s the case, it’d surprise me ngl. hm. so i googled if it would be free on switch, and the speculators mostly said probably yes. bc, after all, one of it’s big advertisements is that it’s free (though you can spend a shit ton of money on gacha if you want to). honestly i just think it’s funny that they confirmed that gi will come to switch one day and then never talked about it again lmao

nope he’s never teached me, we would asked the school not to make him teach me if it was ever a possibility. tho it’s not even really a possibility bc the school i’m going to has like. two types of switzerland’s highschool? the fms & the gymnasium (not a gym-). that probably doesn’t tell you anything adgjhdh but while my dad could teach in either it’s only ever been the gymnasium and i’m in the fms now so yeah lol.

yes, very true. hm.. possibly, he’s dead, yeah, definitely realistic. maybe i’m mixing things up but isn’t bonten the timeline in which inupi & draken run a bikeshop together? adhjfhf. ig the big difference going on between koko & inupi in the bad toman and the bonten timeline is that koko chose to stay before, and then chose to leave. plus i don’t think corrupt toman was a sudden thing, it just gradually went bad so a lot of the people stayed thinking it will get better until it was too late. they originally didn’t know what they’d signed up for. meanwhile koko knew what he was getting into with bonten from the start so he got inupi away from it earlier.

never tried cosplaying and it makes me wanna cry 😭 one day i’ll sew myself venti’s whole outfit and cosplay him, that’s been a dream for nearly two years now... generally i hope to start cosplaying sometime when i move out & make my own money, but that likely won’t be in less than... 7 years 😭 so maybe i will start earlier. anyways that said i’m pretty close to a not 100% accurate low cost cosplay for valhalla kazutora (which was kinda an accident, i just started making my own merch bc i can’t order it lol) bc i’ve made his earring and am working on the jacket.. inverted colors but still. i just gotta FINALLY paint the logo on. and i wear similar pants on the daily plus my boots are boot enough i think. so technically i have everything except a wig lol. also also makima :0 ngl she looks pretty hot plus true, her outfit is practical, so i def get why you’re cosplaying her. even if i don’t like her at all too... ah i can imagine the blazer being hard to find 😭 tho i’m happy you managed to do it eventually!!

[kepamount]

Ma’am that’s literally THEE best piece of LITERATUREEEEEE i’ve read in my entire fucking life i literally read it earlier today and haven’t stopped thinking about it all day. matter fact i took a nap after and had a DREAMMMM where mason was acting the way he was during the fic. i’m going fucking crazy i need that to happen to me so bad i am now about to get in bed and i just know i will be dreaming of mase ruining me and then being all sweet to me afterwards cuddled up in bed i absolutely cannot stop thinking that that’s actually my life you wrote about 😭 like PLEASEEEEE i will be reading it a thousand more times in a row that’s true! real! you should be making millions for this! it genuinely feels like such an out of body experience i’m going fucking mad thinking that he might ring on my door any minute now bringing me flowers like 🤨 maybe a little bit of wine next 🤝🏼 i am WAITING sir. but in all honesty i’m all up on that google search just typing how to stop fucking blushing and giggling over a MAN because there’s no way he’s got me (a city girl) (literally the baddest ever) (1000% heartless hottie) giggling all day thinking he loves me and wants to come over like how is that not my reality. why am i not on top of him right now like?? why am i not kissing all over him right now? so cheers just wanted to thank you for the mental illness that fic just provided me with xx i will be living in this delusional bubble for a while now in my clueless mason era baby thank you <3 i am fucking feral that’s literally my #1 fic ever ever ever you literally outdo yourself every single time you decide to post anything bc i know that if it’s coming from you then it’s going to be GOOOODDDTTTT

STOPPPPPPPP you're hyping me up WAY too much bae omg!!! 🥰

not the fic appearing in your dream pls that shit really had an effect on you 💀

i'm honoured you think it's worth millions (but lowkey you're right, tumblr needs to run me my money asap 🙄)

LMAOOOOOO no fr he has me fucked up too like i'm tryna be a city girl but i'm caught up over a MAN 🤢

it's really unfair but we can manifest it bae one day 🤞🏽

i'm so happy that you liked it so much queen, thank you for all your praise! <33333

[strangecowplant]

UPDATE

sorry once again for the very late update, teddy has been requiring quite literally every second of my time right now but i can write when hes napping

teddy is home again, and he's really messed up on his meds. he's now also taking lorazepam on top of his antibiotics and gabapentin, coupled with another bout of sedation he's extremely high right now. i was not told taking these two would increase side effects like dizziness, drowsiness, confusion ect he's completely fucked up right now. they also didnt tell me the side effects of this new med, one being vocalization which is horrible to hear esp when you dont know why its happening, the only way to stop him meowing sometimes is to hold him like a baby and sing as i walk up and down the hall. i had to literally google all these side effects and interactions myself

he is drinking lots, eating lots but he has not peed yet again. im trying to stay so positive right now, maybe its because he's so fucked up on meds, maybe he just needs some time, i have no idea. hes trying, not straining, but nothings coming out yet, he did poop however so in theory he does have control over his muscles enough back there which should mean he can pee, and yet...

im so exhausted, but im also EXTREMELY pissed off now. i am done with this vet, i never even got a call today for reassurance until late, i had to call three times to ask about him and was only able to get small updates from the other staff bc the vet was in surgeries, understandable of course surgeries are top priority, but he or one of the staff could've at least called in the am like i was expecting. i didn't receive a call until 4:30 as i was walking out the door to go there

they removed the catheter before calling me, i said i would've liked to keep it in for as long as possible yesterday but it was in for less than 24 hours again (first time it was in for less than 12) and they didn't check if he could go on his own afterwards afaik. it seemed like they were just shrugging me off, i had to ask all the questions that really should've been explained by them first I had to be the one to even ask if this new medication could even be TAKEN with his other ones. i had to ask if he was given his meds this morning (he wasnt last night because 'he was still very groggy from the anaesthesia' which im sure is code for 'place is closed time to go home' i hope his pain medication stayed in his system enough to last overnight) something didnt feel right yesterday when i stood my ground to them, it really feels like the vet wants to wipe his hands clean and move on like he knew i wouldnt be giving them more money for surprise additions (which mind you, the new medication was a surprise and never spoken about. his first dose of it was at 9am, they had ample time to call me beforehand and explain he would be taking it)

when the vet finally called he also mentioned randomly that he has a minor heart murmur likely from birth, except i know for a fact he's never had one he's been checked over multiple times since birth and has always had a super clean bill of health. i asked if it could be caused by the blockage but he said its unrelated and then said he wanted to xray or ultrasound to check right then and it would be 850-900+$ with adding on a bunch of words as if to scare me. of course i dont want my boy to be ill but all this happening and knowing that im already struggling to pay just feels like a way to milk more money from me. of course a check would need to be done but i would've appreciated an 'in the future we will want to check this' and not 'he can collapse' when im already dealing with teddy being on deaths door. not to mention having him be sedated again i can't imagine being good at all for him. the way it was gone about feels wrong and i was a wreck until i talked to my mom about it and she reassured me. scouring studies i did in fact find its relatively common for murmurs to happen with acute urinary blockage in cats, so saying it was absolutely unrelated further adds to my mistrust. to add on even more, i also know for a fact ultrasounds for cats are nowhere NEAR 900 dollars

i don't know how teddy is going to hold up tonight, he's not all there from the drugs and hes not peeing. im so broken im numb, but im angry now. im going to do the absolute best i can for him, im calling around other vets tomorrow to see what can be done, im going to get second opinions and ask if what this vet did was as wrong as i think it is. i am preparing for the worst but working hard for the best and i am never going back to that place, they've taken thousands of dollars from us in the last two years with most of it from just this weekend and for what? just to be pushed aside?

please everyone keep teddy in your thoughts and hope he can somehow recover from this, hope he can make it through the night and finally pee, he can pee on whatever he wants i dont even care i just want him back to normal

please help me pay my kitties emergency vet bill!

ive never done this before but one of my cats just had to get an extremely sudden emergency procedure and i don't know what to do, my vet and i have reached out to a couple incredible programs here to help with the bill but one is less than half and the other hasn't replied back yet, i've already declined the blood work (CA$356) to lower the bill at the risk of possible underlying liver and kidney issues not being found but its still a monumental amount for us right now. i just feel so helpless

we had enough to pay the minimum deposit to get the procedure started in time thankfully, but we were already scraping by as it is and now we're in desperate need of funds to eat/pay rent/pay off any remainder of the bill. i am disabled without aid and have been unable to work/haven't worked since 2015 but am on track to hopefully start working pt this fall. i live with my mom who has 3-4 jobs including one seasonal job which needless to say is stressful and wearing her down. we unfortunately are stuck in the most expensive place to live in canada with the inability to save up to flee so the cycle is never ending.

this is Teddy, my typically very silly vocal happy boy who's not quite 2 yet, my comfort king, my little muffin who acts like a weighted blanket for me at night and eases my anxiety, his favourite toy is his pink unicorn poof, he loves car rides and he can shake paw!

he got a sudden urinary blockage last night with no straight answer as to why and progressively got worse as the night went on, i didnt sleep at all, i was panicking and bawling, naturally, and raced to the vet to get in as soon as the door opened. i assumed it was a uti which wouldn't have been as costly, but it turned out to be much more severe and life threatening. i never expected my usually extremely healthy boy to suddenly be at risk of that and im still trying to just process whats been happening

he needed to be sedated and given a catheter and some medication, the total bill came to CA$985.62, of which we were barely able to pay 500 of, and one program was able to donate 300 leaving a total of CA$185.62 for the bill. this, of course, leaves us scrambling for food and rent as well

i know there are a lot of fundraisers out there needing donations right now, and i really hate letting myself be so open and raw like this but even a dollar would help tremendously and i would be forever grateful for any help whatsoever, even a rb to signal boost is greatly appreciated <3

TLDR; my cat had a sudden life threatening issue and now we can't pay the full vet bill or pay for food/rent

Paypal

[barbiewritesstuff]

Chapter 12: Easy Peasy

 

-- The usual tw for depression, suicide mentions, mental illness but now also mentions of an eating disorder (I don’t know, not really but I don’t want to take the risk) and mental health institutions?

Taglist: @because-edmund @blue-aconite -- 

 

Jake had decided a lot of things under the flickering light of the gas station parking lot, but the main thing he had decided during the hour he had spent staring into nothingness was that he wasn’t going to be able to do it alone.  

He knew he wasn’t really alone but the fragility they assigned him now he had tried to kill himself felt so isolating and unhelpful that Jake had googled mental health institutions near him and landed on San Diego’s psychiatric hospital. He had driven there and after a ten minutes long pep-talk, marched straight to the main desk and spoke to the receptionist. She gave him papers to fill and told him to wait till he spoke to someone.  

The therapist who evaluated him was a nice man around his age. He was gentle and his voice was soft. And if anyone else had spoken to him like that, he would have wanted to deck them in the face, but here in the context of the very white and sterile examination room it felt comforting. He wrote some things on the computer, and listened to Jake talk and by the end of the evaluation, that Jake had realised afterwards had taken an hour, he explained what would happen.  

He would be committed for a week and a half long stay, he’d have to surrender his phone, his shoelaces, and clothes. He would be given a uniform for his trouble.

After relaying his entire mental illness history, it was also decided that he would only be allowed visitors after a week of intensive therapy. Before surrendering his phone, Jake quickly copied all the important numbers on a napkin, provided by the therapist, as they had deemed paper to be a weapon after an incident back in 1994.  

A nurse led him down the main hall and into the room he had been allotted. It was a double dorm with only one bed made.  

« I hope you don’t get claustrophobic, the rooms are a little cramped » he said.

Honestly, it felt familiar. His room at Rooster’s felt too big, like it only highlighted how little he still owned and in turn how close he was to the end. This was barely smaller than the rooms at Top Gun. It felt manageable, it felt like he had gone back in time to before The Incident, whenever that was. He sat himself down on the bed. 

« If you want, I can also show you where the phone is, in case you need to tell anyone… »  

The telephone hung on a wall by the cantine and the gymnasium. He used it to call Rooster, who didn’t pick up, Maverick, who did pick up and John. During his half-hour phone session not a single person walked by. In fact, the hospital seemed to be completely empty. 

When they came back to his room a laminated sheet of paper had been thoroughly scotch taped to the wall, it contained his schedule for his stay, written in daily columns and divided into 15 minute increments. Jake wondered how that hadn't been considered a weapon, but he disn't dare ask in case they took it away.

 

Once morning came, Jake realised how wrong he had been about the lack of residents. A nurse had come in to wake him up, but the thing that roused him from his sleep had actually been the sheer noise emanating from the cantine.  

When he entered, the cantine immediately got quiet and a hundred faces stared straight at him.  

Jake remembered his years at high school and the few times he had been talked into participating in the school play because they needed someone to sing and « Oh Jake, you would just be so perfect ». The first time he had accepted out of curiosity, the second time he had accepted because of Georgia McFinley, and the third time he had been blackmailed into it by John. And every single time he had learnt his lines and thought he would be fine until he set his foot on stage and saw the crowd. His chest would tighten, he felt light headed, his throat dry and he would find himself entirely unable to do anything.  

That, Jake thought, is exactly how it felt to see everybody turn to him in the cantine. Luckily, they soon turned to their own conversations again and Jake regained full control of his body. The cantine food had not been worth the effort. They didn’t even have cereal.

The nurse accompanied him to the only table with free seats and briefly introduced him.  

« Welcome to the forbidden table, my friend » A strange man with a long curly mullet told him from three seats down, he looked like he had walked straight out of a bad 80s slasher film. He stretched his arms wide, almost trying to engulf the table in one large hug, a deranged smile on his face « So called because we all room on the suicide wing » He added, anticlimactically 

Jake stayed silent, trying to take it all in.  

 

A week had gone by in a flash. He had been so busy, between individual and group therapy and anything else the resident psychiatrists had seemed him fit to be ferried to, he had barely had the chance to think about anything. Jake found that he liked this. It was the reason he had loved basic so much, he craved the structure. He craved the goal. Back then it had been to get into Top Gun, and now it was to get better. Jake did have to admit though, that Top Gun had been so much easier. 

Still, slowly, he started to feel a little better. 

He stopped calling it the survival list, and called it a schedule now. It wasn’t much of a change but it was something. A survival list was ominous, a schedule was progress. He was making progress, and soon he would be making progress outside of the white painted walls, medium height ceilings and carpeted corridors they weren’t allowed to wear shoes on. 

True to their word, he had been allowed visitors after a week. He hadn’t expected anyone, it was a random Thursday during a work week. He wouldn’t have been offended if they didn’t come. 

But on Thursday at 10 am the doors opened to show Maverick, Rooster, Phoenix and Bob with a smuggled can of redbull for him. They stayed late enough for the nurses to threaten to kick them out. 

 

“Hope you don’t mind, I brought a friend” Rooster announced as he walked into the visitor room only three days after his first visit. He had come every evening since. He stepped out of the way to reveal you, looking like a picture in a gorgeous yellow sundress and sandals. 

“Hi Jake” You waved shyly

“I thought you were coming back on Tuesday?” Jake asked, horrified. You were early, it was only Sunday and he should have gotten out on Monday. He didn’t know what his plan had been about all this in regards to you, but he had hoped that maybe he’d be able to tell you once he was already out. He had hoped to tell you in place where he was allowed shoelaces, belts or paper. 

“I’ll leave you two alone, I hear it’s banoffee pie day at the cafeteria” Rooster winked, Jake glared. Bradshaw touched your shoulder and exited the room again.

“Rooster called. Apparently they gave him your phone and he saw one of my text. I guess that’s when he decided to call. He was lucky that we managed to get a signal at all, we were quite far off of the coast.” You answered his silent question. “The intel we got turned out to have been wrong, so we turned around in case it was a trap.” You added. There was a pause. Jake didn’t really know what to do with himself, so he just looked at you, trying to read your expression. You smiled at him.

“I think we need to talk”

He nodded. Jake blew a deep breath. He closed his eyes, he preferred not to see your face as he spoke.

“Around five years ago, I was flying with my team when we were attacked by enemy aircrafts. One flew right in front of me by accident during a pursuit and I shot them down. I don’t know what happened. It’s just suddenly I realised that I shot at someone else and by the time I realised I had just killed a person, they were already falling out of the sky. They hit the side of a mountain and exploded” He winced as he told you, seeing the images in his mind.

“And I don’t know, it’s like something clicked in my brain. Suddenly I wasn’t Jake, I was a flying Ted fucking Bundy you know? Like I’d look at the mirror and I wasn’t able to recognise myself. Like I was a monster wearing a human suit. I couldn’t sleep, I barely ate, I stopped doing the things I liked. I stopped living, really. And I’ll be honest, babe, I still can’t sleep. I still don’t eat. I manage breakfast most days but I only really have lunch at work and I never have dinner. And I still don’t do the things I like to do. But I want to do something about it.” 

He opened his eyes, relief flooding his face at the sight of you, still there, listening without judgement. 

“I totally get it if you don’t want me as your boyfriend, because believe me I come with a fuckton of baggage but I promise I will do my best. I can’t promise I will be happy everyday and I can’t promise I will never freak out again but I can promise that I will keep on trying. I promise that I want to live. I still feel like shit when I wake up because there is nothing I can do to change the fact that I have killed two people. I will never be able to undo any of that, and maybe I shouldn’t want to because I did save my team. But I am ready to learn how to live with it. And if you’ll have me, I would very much like to learn how to do that with you by my side.” He pleaded. 

You wiped a stray tear off of his cheek, leaned over the white plastic table the nurses had made you sit at, and kissed him.

[offbrandhange]

AOT if you were sick | 𝕳𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘

Headcanons on how some of the AOT boys would help/comfort you when sick! :)

Characters: Armin, Connie, Eren, Erwin, Jean, Levi, Niccolo, Reiner,

Gender: Neutral, no references to readers’ gender ! :)

a/n: I haven’t been feeling well lately so badabam badaboom here we go. Also I am trying a new format because I’m pretty sure when I write the bullet points it looks wonky on mobile?...I dunno man :/

𝕬𝖗𝖒𝖎𝖓 𝕬𝖗𝖑𝖊𝖗𝖙 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Right off the bat, Armin would ask what your symptoms are. Immediately after telling him he’d rush out to the pharmacy to pick up meds, and probably some comfort food, too.

How does he comfort you?

Armin would comfort you by bringing you things you need like medicine, wet towels, clean clothes, food, etc. Constantly, and I mean constantly asking if you want anything.

He probably would also set up a little sick-station in the living room with a blanket, pillow, cup of water, wet towel, bowl of soup, etc. and put on a TV show you like and just...chill while you watch or nap (if you fall asleep midway through).

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

Only if you were super sick. He would 1000% be worried about you while at work, though. You’d get “How are you doing” messages every hour, and he’d totally end up annoying the sh*t out of his co-workers for constantly talking about you being ill. Armin would probably also pick up a little snack/gift for you on his way home.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Most likely not. Armin would be scared he’d get sick too, and then you’d have to take care of him. If you begged him for a quick kiss, or you really whined for some cuddles, then maybe he’ll indulge.

𝕮𝖔𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊 𝕾𝖕𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖗 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

“Dang bro, that sucks.” And that’s all he says.

How does he comfort you?

I think if you asked him for something, he’d get you it willingly and eagerly, but otherwise he’s clueless; He assumes you’re good if you don’t say anything.

Connie would comfort you by hanging out with you. Most likely, he’d sit you down on the couch and play video games with you, like Mario Kart; or he’d show you him killing a really hard boss. I think he’d also send you funny videos/tiktoks, and I mean like, the really dumb ones, where it’s like...a fart sound effect over an image of a truck. Or a, “Can I touch that badonkadonk fool?”

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

Yup, especially if you asked. I feel like Connie would take any chance he could to take off work, and you being sick would be his opening. He wouldn’t leave you alone all day, either; You’re stuck with him.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Connie does not care if you’re sick. You’re gonna get the same amount of treatment, maybe more if you whine and snuggle into his chest. He thinks you’re even more cute when you’re sick.

𝕰𝖗𝖊𝖓 𝕵𝖆𝖊𝖌𝖊𝖗 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Eren would say something like, “Oh. Are you alright?” If you said no, he’d make you a snack or ask if you want anything. Afterwards he would chill with you and probably cuddle or snuggle you. I doubt he would really worry, he’d be real calm about it.

How does he comfort you?

He’d bring you something if you needed it. The only time I could see him getting fussy about it though, is if you interrupted him while he was totally invested in a video game or on a work call.

Most definitely snuggles with you in bed. Probably would do something to tease you too, kissing down your neck and saying “Are you better yet? How about now? Are you better yet?” I can see Eren being totally down for an afternoon nap together anytime you wanted.

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

He would ask you if you wanted/needed him to. If you said yes he would, even if you weren’t really sick. Likewise, if you said you’re fine, but were far from fine, he’d call BS and stay home too; if you kept saying he didn’t need to, it’s very likely his stubborn a*s would argue with you and take off anyways.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Definitely. Eren would still, probably even more than usual, baby the ever-loving sh*t out of you. There’s no escaping his cuddles, kisses, or more...sexual activities.

𝕰𝖗𝖜𝖎𝖓 𝕾𝖒𝖎𝖙𝖍 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Erwin, like Armin, would ask what’s wrong right away. Except he would completely annoy you by asking a million f*cking questions about your symptoms. He’d probably google them too and list a ton of possibilities that are so far-fetched. He’d end up scaring HIMSELF and forcing you to go to the doctor.

How does he comfort you?

Up your A**. Every five seconds he would be like, “Need something? You’re sure? You’re sure you’re sure? I know I was here five minutes ago, yeah, but I’m just making sure. So you’re sure?”

Pets your head, ruffles your hair. Goes out to pick up medicine, snacks, maybe even flowers. Probably tries to brush your teeth for you. You know, Erwin things.

Would they take/call off work for you?

Y E S. Yes. This man would call off the whole WEEK. He wouldn’t leave you alone, either. The whole damn day he’d be breathing down your NECK. Even if the only discomfort you felt was a scratchy throat. He’d make you call off work too.

Are they still physically affectionate?

I feel like Erwin is on the verge of being either, “Yes, princess, let me hold you.” or, “Oh no, no, no, we can’t be having that. Oh no, no, no. No passing illnesses, sweetie.” If the second were true, the only way to get him off your back would be by threatening to hug him while snot was dripping down your nose. This grown ass man would probably be screaming like a (very deep-voiced) little girl and running for dear life.

𝕵𝖊𝖆𝖓 𝕶𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖈𝖍𝖙𝖊𝖎𝖓 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Jean would be so FREAKING sweet, and nobody can tell me otherwise. He’d say something like, “Awe, baby. Are you okay? Want anything?” He genuinely cares; although, immediately afterward he did anything nice or caring for you, he’d text all his dude friends and be like “yo man I’m SUCH a good boyfriend.” and brag his a*s off.

How does he comfort you?

He’d ask every once in a while if you needed anything, and he’d randomly bring you stuff like soup or a fresh cup of water. He’d probably feed you it, too.

Depending on what you wanted, Jean would either leave you alone or smother you to death. If you wanted him to leave you alone he’d check in on you every so often, and if you wanted him to smother you, he’d literally follow you all around the house. I’m talking like, cuddling or napping on the couch/bed, or straight up just following you around like an overly-attached child. His arms would be around your waist, chin on your head, and he’d waddle behind you like a d*mn penguin. And that includes trips to the bathroom. He’d probably sit outside the bathroom and wait for you, though.

Would they take/call off work for you?

If you wanted him to, were really sick, or if you were incredibly pitiful and acting like you were on your deathbed. Otherwise, I think he’d still go to work. He would bring home snacks and flowers afterwards though.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Oh my god, Jean would still be all over you. Like, there wouldn’t be a moment you’d be free from his hold. He’d probably still want to have sex with you, too as long as you were feeling well enough for it...The only exception would be if you got too over-heated or over-whelmed, then he’d very sadly hold back. Like a scolded pup, he’d just sit there...watching you...wishing you were in his arms.

𝕷𝖊𝖛𝖎 𝕬𝖈𝖐𝖊𝖗𝖒𝖆𝖓 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

You would tell him you’re not feeling well, and the first thing this man’d say would be, “What is it? You have the sh*ts? Something not coming out?” He’d get you what you needed immediately after you told him what was really wrong, though; but he’d also, very discreetly slip you a box of anti-diarrheals, too, just in case.

How does he comfort you?

Every once in a while he will ask if you need something. He’s not too over-bearing nor distant. Although, he’s probably constantly slipping you hand-sanitzers, and cleaning your room, or anything you’ve touched. It’s for your, and his sake. Oh, and he’s not handing you anything, either; he’s throwing it at you to catch. Or slipping his hand through the door with a bowl of soup/cup of water, and placing it on the floor/nearest surface. Kind of like when a cat pushes their paw through a crack, then disappears, and you’re like, “oh, would you look at that.”

I don’t think Levi would really want to be too close since he’s kind of a clean-freak, so he’d comfort you through, maybe, sending you low-quality cat memes he found on the web. Or he’d put on one of those full-on, ugly, yellow hazard suits and hold your hand while watching a reality-TV show like The Bachelorette meanwhile mocking them to oblivion. You’re legally required to laugh at the comments he makes about the people on the show; he’s doing it to be funny. He’s just awkward.

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

If you were pitiful, or not that sick, no. If you were genuinely pretty sick, then he’d call off work. He wouldn’t bug you, he’d just...stand in the corner and watch you. Just...he’d be there. Also still in his hazard suit. With his arms crossed.

Are they still physically affectionate?

No. Absolutely not. Not unless you’re talking about him and the cleaning supplies. I think if you tried to go anywhere near him, he’d get really mad and threaten you with a spray-bottle filled with water.

I think he would be upset, though. Like, I could see him having a calendar and just...sadly, squeakily dragging that marker down to form an X over the day to see how long you were sick, waiting ‘till you were better so he could hug you again.

𝕹𝖎𝖈𝖈𝖔𝖑𝖔 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

In a worried, but also kind of loving-scolding way, he’d say something like, “Geez, how’d this happen?” Immediately after he’d make you some homemade soup with fresh ingredients. Only after he would give you your medicine, because it needs a, “full stomach to work.”

Additionally, if he makes you food, don’t tell him if you can’t taste it. Please, god, don’t. He’ll feel like he did all that work for nothing then get annoyed.

How does he comfort you?

Constantly bringing you food or desserts. When he asks if you need anything, his mind jumps to a food or drink instead of medicine or a wet towel, because that’s just his strong-suit.

I feel like he would hang out with you and let you lay your head on his chest while you watched TV together. I picture him saying something like, “Hey babe, let’s watch Hell’s Kitchen.” Or, alternatively, “Hey babe, let’s watch Kitchen Nightmares.” Don’t watch Kitchen Nightmares with him. Those unclean kitchens will make HIM vomit, too.

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

Niccolo probably wouldn’t call off, but he would make you a whole bunch of yummy meals for you to eat the next day. He’d probably leave you a cute little note too, like a “Feel better, love you! :-D” with hearts all over it.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Depends on what kind of sickness you had. I think if you lost your taste he’d draw the line, simply because he needs to be able to taste the food he makes. Also, it frustrates the sh*t out of him when he loses his taste. Otherwise, I think he’d be down to cuddle, and very limitedly, kiss.

𝕽𝖊𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖗 𝕭𝖗𝖆𝖚𝖓 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Gets VERY concerned. Wants to take you to the doctor, even if it’s a light illness, because he wants to make sure it’s nothing bad. He wouldn’t leave you alone after you tell him you’re sick, either. Constantly by your side.

How does he comfort you?

You wouldn’t need to ask for anything, because he already has everything for you. You’re surrounded in snacks, bottles of water, blankets, pillows, wet towels, medicine, literally anything you need, it’s already there. He’ll even offer to carry you to the bathroom, just so you don’t have to move.

Reiner would probably cuddle with you and put on a romance, family, or Disney movie. If it’s extra emotional, it’s gonna make him extra emotional. He will be squeezing you for dear life and just saying stuff like, “Boy, I don’t know what I’d do without you...”

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

Yes, even if all you had was the sniffles, Reiner would have already called off, and make you call off too. He just thinks that’s what you should do if a loved one is sick. If he left you alone, he’d get worried you’d end up falling or unable to get something you need. He wants to be there for you.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Reiner would, but in a much more sweet way. He’s genuinely really worried for you, and doesn’t like seeing you sick. So be prepared for him to constantly be holding you with your head on his chest, and him peppering kisses all over your face.

[ulteriorm0tiv3s]

︰˳⁺꒰🍫꒱・get well soon ɞ₊*ฅ

pairing: dark choco x sick reader (gender neutral)

genre: fluff

summary: you started to feel a little under the weather lately, and since you were stuck inside, no one really came to visit or help you out. well, someone did eventually.

notes: hey everyone, sorry for not posting anything festive back in december for christmas, i was really unmotivated and had a lot of stuff going on in my personal life. expect random postz here and there, i’m working on a few thingz currently. but for now here’z this, i’m sick (started writing this while i was still really ill, but i’m pretty much better now lmao) so i made this little fic, enjoy :D

“fuck,” you muttered to yourself as you slumped down onto your couch. you probably should have listened to everyone when you first started showing symptoms of sickness. but no, for some reason you instead used the overused excuse of “nah im fine don’t worry about it.” all your friends were out partying or whatever, so you were alone. just you, your snotty tissues, and your nasty ass medicine (that probably wasn’t helping you but you take it anyway).

the first few days of your little quarantine consisted of you groaning and coughing 24/7, contemplating your life while laying on the floor, and asking google repeatedly if you were dying. “i’ve literally never felt so shitty before what the fuck,” you grumbled angrily, still trying to lift yourself off the couch, but your body pains for real said “no bestie.” deciding to just give up, you glance over at your clock and realize it was about time to take the medicine again. however, the medicine was in the kitchen and you felt like your whole body would crumble if you stood up. “welp, plan b time,” you say to yourself. you roll off of the couch and just awkwardly shimmy on the floor until you reach the counter the medicine was located on. eventually you managed to stand, you were wobbling a lot, but hey at least you were there.

you gag dramatically as you down the small plastic cup of ‘honey flavored’ medicine. seriously, there’s no way that stuff is actually honey flavored, it tastes like shit. after taking that nasty ass medicine, you retreat back to your couch and chug some juice, now your mouth can be at peace again.

exhaustion gnawed at you like crazy, it was hard to stay awake. but your eyes grew heavier and heavier, until they shut. only to open back up when you heard the doorknob begin to rattle. oh great, a perfect time for a robbery attempt. soon taking notice of a familiar black and white color scheme, you realized it technically wasn’t a breaking and entering. dark choco was a friend of yours, and you told him that you had a spare key under the mat outside; which he used to get into your house sometimes. so rather than breaking and entering, he was just….welcoming himself inside (which he did a lot, might i add).

once he finally got inside (took him awhile because of those giant ass shoulder pads), he sat next to you on the couch. “y’know i’m sick right? it’s not wise to just break into my house and sit next to me,” you sighed before adding, “i was about to nap too.” dark choco looked over at you apologetically, “sorry, bothering you was not my intention. i wanted to give you something that would aid your sickness.” you raise your eyebrow and sit up slightly, “something to aid my sickness?” you question. he unwraps himself from his cape, showcasing a small container in his hand. “carrot and beet made this when they heard you were sick, and asked me to deliver it to you.”

you figured it was some type of soup or something. you tell him to set it in the kitchen, which he does. afterwards, he proceeds to help you get into a more comfortable position. “i’m not a child, i don’t need you to baby me,” you huff in annoyance. “i am aware, but you act like it sometimes.” if you could see his face, you’d definitely see some sort of smug look.

you roll your eyes, “well don’t complain if you get sick from watching over me.” dark choco just sort of nodded, slouching back onto the couch. his presence was comforting. it felt nice to have someone stay with you while you were sick. awhile later, you fell asleep, which brought a small smile to his face. seeing you in such a peaceful state made him feel happy.

it was going well so far. dark choco would stay and help you out. he would feed you, bring you items you requested, and even carried you to different rooms. you were surprised he hadn’t gotten sick yet, his immune system is probably just better than yours. well that’s what you thought until you noticed he was starting to show the same symptoms you had.

“you’re sick now, aren’t you?” he didn’t respond, he simply just slumped himself onto the couch and sighed. “i’ll take that as a yes.” well, at least someone understood your suffering now.

but despite being sick, dark choco still did a lot for you. it was quite heartwarming. and with him being sick, he had to take medicine too. that was the second best part. lounging on the couch with your tiny plastic cups, doing a small cheers, and gagging in disgust with him. being sick wasn’t too bad after all.

[snom-pixelates]

you got any angsty headcanons of sam?

YOU BET YOUR ASS I DO. prepare for nonsensical rambling, my friend, heck ye

-He’s trained himself to stay calm even in the most high-stress situations. He’s not sure if he can explode, but he doesn’t want to take the risk. He can handle a lot of shit before he starts breaking down. When he finally does, it’s usually a cumulation of everything he’s been holding in since his last breakdown, which can be ages apart. It can get pretty ugly.

-when Sam gets stressed/has anxiety or gets too angry, he starts to tremble and hiss. Usually there’s smoke billowing out of his mouth and he tastes gunpowder.

-Sam not liking lightning is one of my faves. Charged Creeper Sam pog and fricken cool but also one of the most terrifying ideas he’s ever heard. Holding his trident with Channeling makes him nervous but he’s not about to let anyone know that.

-His bodies being hybrids of Creepers and not a full-on Creepers means they’re pretty messed up physically speaking. Most of them suffer from chronic pain. When one part of you is rigged for detonation but not the rest of you, there can be a lot of internal problems. He can start choking on his own gunpowder if he’s not careful. Sometimes by laughing too hard, sometimes when he’s having an anxiety attack, or when he’s overexerting himself.

-Explosions from a Creeper hybrid are bigger than even a charged Creeper’s explosions

-Sam’s tears run grey because of soot and gunpowder. Kinda makes it look like he’s wearing mascara whenever he cries. You can usually see the stains on his cheeks for quite a few hours afterwards.

-Creepers can grow flowers! It’s very rare and very beautiful and a sign that they’re in good health. Ever since he started working the prison, however, Sam’s flowers started dying and haven’t grown back since. 

-If he isn’t out in sunlight for a while, his green skin starts to turn yellowish. The lack of light in the prison isn’t not exactly kind to his complexion.

-On the flip side, I also like the idea of Creepers being less plant-like and more like reptiles! Meaning that if Sam’s not somewhere warm, he starts to get hypothermic. Slowed digestion, lethargic, and susceptible to sickness. He definitely doesn’t thrive well in the cold. Additionally, Sam will keep growing his whole life, meaning he does shed his skin every so often. Right before a shed, he likes to isolate himself so that he can’t be bothered by anyone. It’s an exhausting process, and he likes to do it alone. If he forgets to drink water or just generally take care of himself, the skin becomes really hard to shed and gets very itchy and irritating. (Additionally, Google tells me that reptiles heal more slowly than mammals do and can endure severe health conditions for longer periods of time than mammals can. Idk. just putting that out there.... For myself. For fanfiction reasons....)

-Sam will work himself to the point of complete exhaustion. It’s fine though. He’s got other bodies to use while that one recovers.

-On the topic of bodies: dying. Imagine one of his bodies gets severely injured or ill. I figure he doesn’t have an unlimited amount of bodies and he wants to keep all the ones he can alive. So I wonder if he ever has to take care of himself… as himself. Patch his own wounds, be both the patient and the doctor. Then he can just hop back into the body when it’s strong enough. Only what if it never does get strong enough? Imagine watching one of your own bodies—watching yourself—die in front of you. That has got to be haunting. Wonder how many of his own bodies he’s tried to save and then had to bury. He probably doesn’t care anymore at this point but I’m emotional.

-starved, dying hybrid creeper men, no matter how intelligent, WILL revert to Creeper brain and attack you on sight

[mrs-cavill-wife]

Forbidden Witch (1/?)

Pairing: Charles Brandon x Female Reader (Cassandra of Boudicca)

Warning: Fantasy. Language. Forbidden Love. Tell me if I miss something.

Author's Note: Here I go again writing inspired on a dream I had. I can say, besides "The Tudors", there's a little of "The Witcher" too because there's familiar monsters and characters. Most of the name of places on this fanfic is all my creation but some I searched on Google or asked help from my friends. Hope you guys enjoy it, reblog if you do and I'm all ears to feedback! My tag List this time is for my last followers, THANK YOU SO MUCH! Part 2 coming soon!!

Tag List: @lexyvaldez26 @thereisa8ella @natura1phenomenon @mrsavery @number1chonie @themanfromu @littlefreya @legendarywizarddetective @lovingbearherringhairdo @zealoushound @deangal-101 @everydaymultifandom @summersong69 @jgtfvhsg @tellingyouastory @sillyrabbit81 @nuggsmum @pussyverson @oh-for-fic-sake @foodieforthoughts @fanficlover91 @r-t-doll @its--fandom--darling @poledancingdinos @hlkwrites @rmtndew

Riding under the moonlight, this is definitely one of the things that brings me peace. I love to run aimlessly with my horse, Atlas.

Was having a little party in the village, my village, the place where I was born. Boudicca. In fact, I spent more time at Aretuza, a school for witches, sorceress. I was "discovered" when I was about eight years old. My parents were simple traders, workers, but the income was never enough for the three of us.

I remember the day when I was playing with the pigs, few of which had not yet been sold and that woman appeared. Skinny, with a beautiful gray dress, perfectly neat hair, looked like a queen at the time. Tissaia. I saw her watch me for a long moment, before the question that would change my life.

"How much do you want for the girl?"

Yes. She wanted to buy me. I was in shock for the moment. She and my parents argued for a long time and I just wondered what would a rich woman want with a muddy little girl? A new servant, perhaps? No, she must surely have millions.

Today I know, Tissaia is tricky, smart, knows the words to use. Like a snake observing the prey, taking notes of the moves, the weakness and the best moment to the first attack. She had been watching me and my family. I had called her attention when she was passing through Boudicca, she saw a lot of potential in me, despite my young age, I would be her apprentice.

And so it was done. She made a deal with my parents. She would pay them a kind of penance, a new house, enough to live in safe and happy, but they would have to forget me. I could hate them but I know they didn't have much of a choice. I knew that they loved me and did it to save me, they had in mind that I would have a good life and become something bigger than any opportunity I would have there.

And technically, that's what happened. Aretuza was difficult, the other students were much older than me, more sure of themselves, some came from noble families. I was scared but over time I became determined. I became one of the best and youngest witches in Aretuza, Tissaia said that my power was pure chaos and more. I could destroy an entire kingdom if I wanted to. So good, Tissaia said that I could become a dean just like her, or maybe something like an assistant, she would love to have me by her side but it was never my will and unfortunately for her, I went down my own path when she had nothing more to teach me anymore. It was the first time that I saw a small hint of sadness in her strong image on the day I left.

She is the one who gave me the Atlas. She said it was an albino horse, rare, just like me. I hugged her. Tissaia of Vries is a tough woman, obviously she didn't return my action, but she watched me as I rode away. Until my image disappears from her field of vision.

It was a long journey but I returned to Boudicca. A few years had passed and unfortunately, when I arrived, the city lived in poverty and my parents.. had died of an illness. I blamed myself for a few days. I could have helped them but I couldn't have known they were succumbing.

I remember visiting our old house, or what was left of it. I felt something so strong inside me, I think it was the first time that I lost control, when I realized, my hands were red, bleeding from my nose and fire was mirrored. After that, with the help of the surrounding residents, I built a new home.

And since then, I decided to stay. I help people. With their illnesses, attacks by monsters, thieves, disappearances and every kind of problem you can imagine. I even once helped a poor gentleman who was "unable to fulfill his duty as a husband" with his young wife.

There is a bit of everything here and I venture to say, since I stayed things improved a lot, I was known, at least here. "The famous Cassandra of Boudicca, our savior".

My thoughts of my story went away, a noise in the water caught my attention. It was night, everything was dark, except for the moonlight. I left Atlas eating grass and went looking for the sound. I passed through a bush and saw. A little blonde boy. Swimming. All by himself. What a dumb idea.

I was determined to leave but something in the water caught my eye. A pair of eyes? Oh no. At least, six pair of eyes. Getting closer and closer to the little boy. FUCKING NEKKERS.

"BOY, GET OUT OF HERE"

My scream was enough to make the Boy look at me and stop. Of course, an opportunity for those monsters to attack, and so they did. FAT FUCKING SHIT.

I ran towards the boy, held out my hand and he grabbed it. I pulled him out of the lake and behind me, casting a spell towards the group of Nekkers. It was enough to push them away, but not enough to make them give up.

Now, I was the first option. They tried to attack me but they are nothing to me. I lures them out of the lake, with the boy behind me, and as soon as they are all on dry land, I cast a fire spell, turning them into a "beautiful" barbecue in a few seconds.

Seeing their dead bodies, I took a deep breath and looked at the boy, crossing my arms. He signed, it seemed like something part of his everyday because he knew what my first question would be and answered me.

"I know it is late and dangerous. I ran away. I was to swim a little and knew that my father would not let me. But don't worry, the royal guard must already be behind me, it's not the first time."

Dear lord, what's up with those kids those days?

"Do you know your way back home?"

He nodded and I huffed. I grabbed his hand walking on my way back to Atlas.

"Where are we going?"

I put him on my horse's back, climbing immediately afterwards and starting to ride.

"Back home, little troublemaker"

It wasn't a long journey, but that boy talked a lot. I learned that his name was Eric, son and heir to the kingdom of Aluma, his father was Alexander, and his mother, Queen Madeline. I also learned that he loves to escape. Poor parents.

[narrators-journal]

A hiccup in the process

cw: breaking and entering again, more stalking, that’s not gonna go away for this story lol, I think that’s the big ones to note. enjoy!

Previous part: here

First part: here

Sadly, Illumi couldn't keep an eye on you 24/7, which he found irked him slightly. More-so when Milluki would give him updates while he was on his mission. It wasn't like Milluki himself irked Illumi this easily every day, he was his baby brother, he was allowed to annoy the long haired assassin, that's what family does, but for some reason knowing that the rotund young man was using the spy cameras he'd installed for his own surveillance to check in on you every few days to ensure nothing bad happened ate at Illumi in a whole new fashion.

Despite this, the assassin focused on his work as best he could, not that it really required much focus, a pretty textbook political hit, easy enough. However, when he came back, he was not greeted by an equal amount of ease.

He'd stopped by his home, doing the usual after-job reports for the client, than told his mother that he'd return to keeping an eye on you until his next job, he also stopped by Milluki's room and rather coldly told him he could stop spying on you. Than, he headed over to your place, curious to see what fine details his brother didn't find necessary to relay. However, when he got to your home and peeked inside, careful to ensure no possible neighbors saw him, he found it suspiciously empty. Milluki would've told me of any new people coming around, so (y/n) isn't on a date or anything. It's not a weekend, so (f/n) surely doesn't have her, and (y/n) isn't the type to just up and leave.. he mused, a bit down the street now sitting on an empty bench in the spring air so he didn't seem super suspicious to anyone around by lingering around your home.

He mulled these questions over for a while, most of the day it seemed since the next time he returned from splitting his attention between puzzling out this issue of emotions and closely watching your home it was evening and the temperatures were cooling. What drew his attention completely to your home was the unfamiliar car that pulled into your driveway. A car pulling up wasn't super odd to Illumi, (f/n) occasionally came by after all, but this car didn't belong to them, and it definitely wasn't yours, as you either didn't have one, or it was at your home, so the sight of a new person immediately put Illumi on the defensive. This boiling feeling of out of place anger worsened when you lingered by the strangers car.

On the bright side, the long haired assassin used this opportunity to meander over and eavesdrop to figure out where you may have been,

        "-Thanks for taking me out!" you were saying, leaning a bit towards the drivers window, where a man, or maybe woman, illumi couldn't quite tell from where he was paused to listen, sat, waving your gratitude away nonchalantly,

            "Nah, it's cool. You were pretty fun to hang out with, I'd be happy to take you out again another time if you'd want." the person said, making you giggle, the sweet sound acting as gasoline on his already ill mood.

Sadly, Illumi couldn't linger around any longer, you were noticeably getting tenser and had thrown a few skeptical glances at the assassin while he was paused on his phone, so he didn't catch the remainder of your conversation before your 'friend' left.

Illumi walked around the block to calm down and refrain from any rash decisions that night, returning to his usual hiding place afterwards, watching you as you happily lounged in your home. While the darkness of night crept in around him, Illumi tried to figure out what to do and why he was so annoyed to see you with someone else. Did he want to kill you? Was he mad that you potentially going on a date made that goal harder to achieve cleanly? No, that didn't seem to be correct, the explanation not seeming to cover all of the prickly emotions he felt at the moment, but it was the best explanation he had. He didn't have a lot of experience with the 'softer emotions' as his mother sometimes called them when she had given him a basic course on wooing himself a wife, and he was an assassin, a trained killer, surely he had no need to learn about these things. Though, he had to admit, combing out those pesky barbs of maybe I'm jealous and maybe I'd like to be the one she has a fun time with from his already crowded and busy thoughts was annoying. Every other emotion he could neatly package away, he could temper his lust, curb his anger, and suppress sadness, guilt, shame, and the like. But this situation, you, seemed to have this aggravating power to flip the lid of Pandora's box and pick out the worst of the bunch to bring to the surface.

After some contemplation, the assassin decided that he did, in fact, want to kill someone, but not you. You were still an entertaining little puzzle to burn away the time, at least, even if you did aggravate him. so, instead of killing you, he waited for you to go to bed and than slipped inside once again. This time though, he wasn't there to peek at your sleeping body, Though I bet she's wearing something risque again a dark little voice whispered in his head, but no, he could not indulge in that tonight. He was there on a mission to find information on your friend and the person who took you on a date. Peeking beneath your covers to catch a glimpse of your soft thighs or chest could wait.

He focused on his task, digging through anything he found that could potentially hold information about those you knew, but nothing proved useful. He found a picture with (f/n)'s name on the back, but he already knew their name, he needed their address or full name, or at least their phone number to have Milluki trace it. Sadly though, you didn't make a habit of writing down police-interrogation level notes on your few friends and leaving them in the open, so Illumi had to collect himself and get a good grip on his hormonal reactions before going into your bedroom for your phone.

Your room was as quiet as before, with, at most, a white noise source that the lean assassin made a mental note to ween you off of once if he had you as a wife. It wasn't an impressive room, dotted with a few articles of dirty clothes or other signs of life, but his dark, empty eyes still zeroed in on a pair of your undergarments on the floor in particular. Part of him was repulsed by how slovenly you were to leave a few articles of dirty laundry on the floor, but another part of him knew that he himself wasn't an exact neat freak and he only thought you were messy because he had butlers, you didn't. No, instead that devious side of himself focused more on what was on the floor, and how that might mean you were...less modest than he might have first thought.

He stopped himself, repressing the nasty urge to check and than punish you if you really were so brave as to sleep without panties and just scooped up your phone and left your bedroom to staunch any other distractions. With a deep breath to clear away the lustful thoughts, Illumi easily hacked into your phone, really, your password was so easy, and dug around. He tried to find your friends contact information, and while he didn't find a phone number, address, or anything like that, he did find their online profile, which was enough for Milluki to track them down. However, he didn't stop snooping after that. Instead, he looked around in your photos, other messages or DMs, anything personal or potentially holding lewd info or images, but the most he found was a google search for an adult toy you seemed to be contemplating buying. He swiftly deleted that from your search history and returned your phone to where it had been.

Now he only needed to let his brother do his job and look into (f/n) and than your date. Of course, he'd have Milluki do that after clarifying why the shut-in gaming nerd should've told him you had a date of any sort.

[freeluna]

Too much time, too much change.

My last post was in 2018. Amazing how much can change in four years. The pandemic that started in 2019 is still going strong, although we now have medicines and vaccines that for the most part keep the COVID virus from being fatal. I don't know how our medical profession handles it. The rates of burn-out and turnover has to be unreal.

I haven't worked in any real sense since mid 2019, when I, and a host of other contractors were abruptly let go from Google X. Such is the travails of contract work. I sincerely wish it had worked out otherwise.

Not too long afterwards, the pandemic came up to full swing. I did some unimpressive, part-time jobs for the next two years that got me out of the house. Those jobs involved delivery groceries to folks who were stuck in their houses. It was a booming business and really helped out people with medical conditions that made going out for groceries extremely hazardous. I wore a mask an awful lot, and went through a bucket of hand sanitizer, and never got COVID while working.

Then my wife and I got vaccinated, and then boosted. And then Omicron came out and we both ended up getting it, but thankfully, due to the new medications, neither of us got very ill.

Meanwhile, we got a new president in 2020, which for me, at least, was a relief. DJT, after four insane, chaotic years, was finally out, or would be in 2021, with much kicking, screaming, and just a taste of insurrection. The best I can say about DJT is that he is a complete nutter. A bull on meth in the China shop of US politics. Operators in the Republican Party assumed they could control him to some degree. They were wrong.

Frankly, no one is the US political system knew how to control him, and that worries me. Because a moment will come when a smarter, slightly saner, DJT 2.0 will arise and break the institution of government that we have come to rely upon. And who really wants an angry, drunk uncle type running the country into oblivion? I don't, but it's folly to dismiss how he became so popular. I promise I'll write about this later.

It is creeping towards the end of the dry season out in California. The wildfires haven't been too extreme this year (knock on wood), but the rains of October or November haven't started yet, so we have another 30 to 60 days of bone dry earth and tinder to contend with. We shall see how the season turns out.

[iwa1zumis]

“i love you and i like you”: passion and burnout in Haikyuu!! 

tw: discussions of self harm, anxiety, burnout and breakdowns. 

spoilers for the whole manga!! 

okay this is probably gnna be jflkafjdklfj all over the place, but i’ve been thinking a lot lately about the difference between loving and liking something, and how haikyuu emphasises the importance of both those feelings being present when pursuing a passion. 

a quick look at google (and i KNOW my college professors are cringing away in horror victor frankenstein-style @ my use of google definitions but jflajfsdk bear with me!!) demonstrates how often the concepts of love and like are conflated, with love her being framed as a sort of deeper or more intense like: “to like or enjoy very much” to be specific. but personally i’ve always thought there’s something a bit misleading about that kind of definition, since its absolutely possible to love something or someone without necessarily liking them. to take a personal example: i love debate. i debated through middle and high school, made captain of the debate team, and was constantly travelling to and fro for different tournaments. even before i started to debate formally i’d jump at the chance to do mini-debates in class, argue with and rebut parents and friends over meals and causal conversation.... you get the idea. i loved debate, and still love it dearly, but i honestly don’t think i particularly liked it much. tournaments would always fill me with the most INSANE kind of stress, i’d barely eat or sleep in the days leading up to a meet, and i’ve had more muffled bathroom breakdowns in between rebuttals than i can count. after my final year of high school, i decided against joining the debate at university. i knew that if i were to retain ANY love for the activity going into the future, i had to force myself to take a break. 

so what does this solipsistic tangent have to do with haikyuu, you ask? well i have no doubt that a vast majority of the players in the series love volleyball. they’re dedicated and passionate about it. they hunger for the chance to be put on the court. but do they like to play? 

1. oikawa: “i forgot that volleyball can be fun” 

ofc i wouldn’t be an oikawa stan worth my salt if i didn’t start this off with the (grand) king himself!! imo one of the reasons why oikawa is such a popular and well-loved character is his constant determination to keep moving forward and playing, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable opponents and adversities (”never forget my worthless pride”, anyone?). inevitably, all the hard work and practise he put into his craft has left him with a very carefully constructed, put together playstyle-- he’s the kind of player who knows how to bring the best out of each and every teammate on the court because of the amount of time he spends observing them and playing with them. it’s an outlook and playstyle best encapsulated in his now iconic line during the second karasuno v seijoh match: 

“Talent is something you make bloom, instinct is something you polish!” 

in my opinion the word “polish” it super significant here-- it explicitly singles out the years and years of hard work that set a foundation for his talent and instinct to shine. 

but what happens when they don’t shine? there’s no denying that oikawa is an incredibly skilled and intuitive player (something that hinata’s acknowledgment of him as the “great king” to kageyama’s “king” immediately sets out) but oikawa himself is acutely aware of the fact that he can never quite measure up to his long-time rival ushijima or his immensely talented protege kageyama. oikawa’s self described strategy to deal with opponents is to: 

“Hit it until it breaks” 

but what happens when hitting something again and again with your carefully honed, “polished” skills yields no results? imo there’s a very clear binary mentality drawn here-- either you hit it and it breaks, asserting your superiority; or you hit it and it doesn’t break, enforcing your inferiority. with each perceived loss against ushijima and kageyama, oikawa’s internalized logic holds his own weakness up to his own face, shaking his faith in himself as a player. if you’ll pardon the on-the-nose-metaphor: the whole “hitting it till it breaks” strategy is a two-way street, and oikawa has been hitting himself, metaphorically speaking, for a very long time. i have no doubt that he loved volleyball, passionately, through middle and high school. but with his inferiority complex growing in the face of constantly refuted results, i think he slowly began to like it less and less. 

so how does oikawa get his groove back? to answer that, we’ll have to turn to the post-timeskip chapters, particularly the two chapters that deal with oikawa and hinata’s unexpected meeting in Rio (372 and 373 for anyone curious!). while reminiscing with hinata over dinner, oikawa finally reveals the event that made him want to play volleyball (as a setter, to be exact)-- as a child, he watched veteran setter jose blanco step into a game and

“... inconspicuously help[ed] the ace get his bearings again... and then simply left the court.” 

oikawa’s reaction to blanco’s playstyle might just be one of my favourite panels in the chapter for how it conveys so much with such little space: 

the stammer of “i-i--”, which suggests a sense of resolve and determination forming in real time, finally coalesces into the determined declaration of “i wanna be a setter too!” what i took from this is that oikawa’s admiration for-- and liking of-- blanco expresses itself in the agency with which he makes his choice, in this case, actively deciding to be a setter so that he can support players on the court like blanco did. the liking that oikawa has here is therefore inherently linked to the agency and freedom he feels here-- freedom to choose his position, and how he wants his volleyball career to develop. 

this recollection of his childhood memories, and the subsequent game of beach volleyball that oikawa and hinata play afterwards, essentially push oikawa back into the mental and physical space of a child or beginner, as the manga demonstrates with panels of oikawa being forced to ditch his usual carefully developed, polished playstyle to learn the ropes of beach volleyball: 

ultimately concluding with the beautiful panel transition of oikawa, as a child AND adult, celebrating after a successful play: 

“It reminds me that-- I forgot that-- volleyball is fun.”

in a different country, playing a familiar game by slightly different rules and led back into the mentality and freedom of a novice after years of careful development, oikawa rediscovers his liking for the game. 

2. kageyama: “when you get strong, someone stronger will rise to meet you” 

moving on to the king of the court himself!! i’d argue that kageyama’s childhood memories and experiences of volleyball function almost oppositely to oikawa’s-- while oikawa has to re-access the sensation of being a beginner again to like the game along with loving it, kageyama’s process of coming to like and love volleyball come from moving away from his early experiences and into a new phase of playing-- specifically, his partnership with hinata. 

one of kageyama’s defining features is his individualism-- he’s both skilled and solitary enough to prefer to, as he puts it, “play every single position on the court”. notably, he wants to become a setter because: 

“[it’s] the one that touches the ball the most.”

in fact, i’d argue that kageyama’s “king of the court” attitude that he was known for in middle school is an extension of this individualistic mindset: he holds himself to extremely high standards, and expects his team-mates (as extensions of himself) to meet those very same standards. the similarities between his internal monologue and his commands to kindaichi in these two panels, for example, are strikingly, visibly similar: 

there’s that near-identical intonation of “move faster, jump higher!” that implies that the way he treats his teammates is just an extension of how he treats himself-- a deeply self-critical, miserable way, as it turns out. it’s telling that for the first few chapters of a manga in which characters’ eyes literally light up when they’re happy, passionate or excited, kageyama’s eyes are drawn as pitch black, even while he’s playing. 

imo the reason why hinata’s appearance, and their later partnership, is so significant for kageyama’s personal development is because he can’t treat hinata like an extension of himself. hinata challenges him and his preconcieved notions of the sport at every turn: first with his lightning-fast reflexes and raw intuition, and then with his determination to hit kageyama’s toss no matter what. in fact, the first time that kageyama’s eyes light up in the manga is, you guessed it, when he and hinata first pull off a successful “freak quick”: 

during the post-timeskip chapters we’re introduced to kageyama’s backstory in much greater detail: the way in which his grandfather fostered his passion for volleyball and the timing with which his grandfather’s illness and later death left kageyama increasingly alienated, thus further enforcing his individualist mentality. but what the chapter also gave us was an explicit confirmation of a theme that had been built up from the very beginning of the story, when kageyama’s grandfather tells him: 

“when you get really strong, i promise someone stronger will rise to meet you”

i’ve seen translations of the line that use both “meet” and “challenge”, and personally i’d have to say that i prefer “challenge” for what it implies-- even before hinata got strong enough to actually meet kageyama halfway he challenged him to move away from his pre-established mindset of doing everything himself, and into one where he actually comes to enjoy-- and like-- volleyball. 

3. hirugami: “maybe you’ve just had your fill”

hirugami’s case is kind of a strange one-- unlike oikawa and kageyama he’s not a major character, and his relationship with volleyball only gets a single backstory chapter as opposed to a series-long arc. but i personally ADORE his mini-arc for the things it has to say about burnout, passion and moving on. 

hirugami is introduced as the youngest member of a volleyball family-- his parents, older brother and older sister all play the sport. when explaining how he began to play himself, hirugami says: 

“... naturally, i started to play too. because i was good at it, and it was fun.” 

imo there are a lot of really interesting things to pick apart with this phrasing: the “naturally” implies a foregone conclusion but also a degree of passivity, like he himself recognises that he was swept up in his family’s influence. the “it was fun” coming AFTER “because i was good for it” also implies a degree of correlation, as though if he didn’t have the aptitude, he wouldn’t enjoy the game (a mindset markedly different to both oikawa and kageyama). as hirugami gets older, this correlation of being good ----> having fun ----> being able to play begins to reverse, and therefore manifest in increasingly self destructive ways: 

the main impetus for hirugami has now become not wanting to lose, which therefore requires a degree of heightened practise and self discipline in order to achieve. notably, having fun has been reduced to an afterthought, a state that might be achieved if he wins. 

the correlation of “winning” and “being good” is a slipperly slope to go down, though, something that becomes especially apparent after hirugami’s team lose a game. the frustration of being unable to reach his goal of winning manifests itself as not being “good enough”-- acting on this, hirugami seeks to punish himself for “messing up”: 

the close up panel of hirugami’s “confession” after hoshiumi confronts him hits particularly hard because it taps into a feeling that i’m sure almost all of us have felt at one point or another-- the realisation that something you once both loved AND liked is now only bringing you misery: 

ironically, it’s actually this acknowledgement of “not really liking volleyball that much” that acts as a catalyst for hirugami’s recovery from burnout. hoshiumi’s acknowledgement of, and reply to, hirugami’s state is seemingly simple but deeply freeing: 

and honestly, why not just quit? there’s nothing tethering hirugami to volleyball, certainly nothing as serious as life or death. personally my favourite part of this panel is hoshiumi’s description of volleyball as food from which hoshiumi has “eaten his fill”-- a lovely metaphor that re-contextualizes what could be seen as “time wasted” into something productive and indeed nourishing. 

when we check up on hirugami post time-skip, we find out that he has indeed quit playing volleyball in favour of going to veterinary school, but he’s seen watching the game between the jackals and adlers on his phone with an eager, fond smile on his face, implying that it was the act of moving away from the table (so to speak) after eating his fill that let him still hold on to a love and passion for the game, even though he is now interacting with it as a spectator instead of a player. and indeed that might just be why i love hirugami’s arc so much-- with it, haikyuu tells us that sometimes passion’s don’t need to be re-ignited in the same way. while oikawa and kageyama rediscover their love for, and liking of, the game through a return to childhood and the arrival of a new partner respectively, hirugami’s journey away from burnout comes from recognizing that he can step away from the volleyball court, and that the love and like will still remain.