#because the restaurant isn’t still running in the movie timeline how are they going to bring in a different location?

[ennard-is-near]

If The Bite of ‘87 isn’t in the second FNaF movie I will get violent I think

[rosiehunterwolf]

stuck with you (through bright and blue)

Prompts: Protective

Word Count: 4,400

Characters: The squad

Timeline: Pre-movie movie!verse

Trigger Warnings: Manipulation, Toxic Friendship

Summary: Kai only wants two things: to protect Lloyd, and to give him the best birthday ever. Unfortunately, Lloyd seems hell-bent on making that as difficult as possible. Kai’s always prided himself on achieving the impossible, but dealing with human emotions is much more complicated than beating up Garmadon’s generals or shooting enemies with fire, as he quickly learns. Movie!verse

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“Woah, it looks like a massacre in here.”

At the sound of Cole’s voice, Kai, Jay, Lloyd, and Zane looked up from the map they had sprawled out across the table. Red pen was everywhere, circling different buildings and connecting them with lines.

“We’re having trouble finding a venue for Lloyd’s party,” Zane explained.

Nya rolled her eyes. “It’s not that hard! Just pick somewhere!” She held a hand out, shaking her phone. “We have five days until his birthday. Most places require at least that many to book a reservation. If we don’t decide today, we’ll have nowhere to go.”

“We can’t just pick anywhere,” Kai insisted. “It has to be perfect!”

“Why don’t we just go to the arcade?”

“It’s always so busy there.”

“It’s a Wednesday night! How many people are going to be there?”

“Trust me,” Jay said, “It’s still busy. It always is.”

Cole peered at the map. “Why’d you cross off the movie theater? Isn’t there a new Starfarer movie Lloyd’s been wanting to see?”

Kai shook his head. “Tickets sold out in like five hours. By the time school was over and we got over there, they were all gone.”

Jay frowned, running his fingers along one of the major streets. “What’s your favorite restaurant, Lloyd?”

“A restaurant? Are you serious?” Cole laughed. “We’d get kicked out in ten minutes.”

“Why can’t we just do it at my place?” Lloyd murmured. “I don’t need anything big deal.”

Kai frowned. “Your apartment isn’t that big, Lloyd. And I don’t want to bother your mom with all the decorations and stuff.”

Lloyd shrugged, looking down. “It doesn’t need to be big.”

“If you really want something simple,” Nya said, “why don’t we just do it at the warehouse? It’ll just be us, but there’s lots of space.”

Zane nodded. “That space would suffice. We would just have to ask Master Wu.”

“That is, if you’re certain that’s what you want.” Nya looked at Lloyd closely. “You sure you don’t want to do anything else?”

Lloyd nodded.

“Positive, bud?” Kai pushed. “Because it’s your birthday. We don’t mind at all.”

“I’m fine,” Lloyd insisted, getting to his feet. “It’s just another day on the calendar. Don’t make such a big fuss.”

The ninja fell silent.

“Lloyd,” Nya murmured, “it is a big deal to us.”

“Sorry. I’m just tired. And I’ve got homework. I should go.”

“Lloyd, wait-”

The green ninja pulled away from Kai’s outstretched hand. “I’m fine, Kai. I just have to go. Call me if you need anything.”

---

When they went back to school on Monday, their teachers loaded them with assignments, and Kai didn’t have a spare minute to talk to Lloyd in their shared classes. He couldn’t even talk at lunch because Lloyd had to make up a test. He kept his eyes peeled for his friend every time he was in the hallways, but if there was one thing Lloyd was good at, it was not being seen.

At the end of the school day, Nya texted him to meet up near their lockers. He got there and found her huddled around her locker with Cole, Jay, and Zane.

Kai walked over to them. “What’s going on? Where’s Lloyd?”

“He said he’d catch up with us later, which is why now is the perfect time for party preparation,” Jay said, gesturing towards Nya, who had a fiercely determined look on her face and was tightly clutching a clipboard. “Apparently she’s been waiting her whole life for this.”

“Alright.” Nya looked up from her clipboard. “I’ve already got streamers and gift wrap at home. What about you guys?”

“I’ve got a banner ordered with his name on it,” Cole said. “And of course, the shark tablecloths-”

Jay blinked. “Sharks?”

“Yeah. He loves sharks.”

“No, no, no, you’ve got it all wrong! We’re getting the dragon ones! He loves dragons!”

“Well, yeah, duh, but he’d obviously like the shark one better.”

“Are you kidding? Sharks would remind him of his dad’s mechs!” “Yeah, well, dragons remind him of his mech, which also reminds him of fighting his dad.”

“Totally not the same, plus dragons are way cooler-”

“Okay, we’re going with the Starfarer ones, then,” Nya grumbled. “What about balloons? Who’s covering-”

“I have balloons,” Zane interrupted. “Two hundred and seventy-five of them.”

They gawked at him.

“Zane… why do you have so many balloons just lying around?” Jay asked.

“They are new! In the package! I can blow them up for Lloyd’s birthday party-”

“Shhhhh!” Four pairs of hands immediately pushed over his mouth, silencing him, even though they were the only ones in the very empty hallway.

“No one can find out,” Cole insisted. “This is Lloyd’s special day. We’re not about to let anyone ruin it.”

“Okay, so Zane’s got the balloons.” Nya ticked another item off the list. “What about the cake? I have most of the ingredients to make one at home, but I’m completely lacking the baking skills.”

Cole nodded. “I can bake a cake. What’s his favorite kind?”

“Lloyd likes that Funfetti one,” Kai murmured.

Cole’s nose wrinkled. “I’m not baking a box mix. I can get him the rainbow sprinkles, though, and make a homemade one.”

“Okay, sounds good. Jay, could you pick up some confetti before his birthday? And Zane, we need some fun paper plates.”

“Zane, you should get shark ones.”

“No, dragons!” “Zane will pick out whichever plates he likes,” Nya snapped.

“What about gifts?” Jay asked. “What are you guys getting?”

“I’m not telling you,” Nya yelped. “I have the best gift ever and I don’t want you stealing any ideas.”

“I’ve been setting aside pieces of my allowance for a month,” Cole grinned. “It’s gonna be sweet.”

Jay blinked at him expectantly, and Cole smirked. “I’m not telling you, either, blabbermouth.”

“Blabbermouth?” he yelped. “I can keep secrets perfectly fine, thank you.”

“Oh yeah? What about that time you nearly gave away all of our ninja identities?”

“Or-” Zane added, “when he and Lloyd were working on those surprise mech upgrades and he accidentally said something in front of Kai and Nya?”

“Oh, remember when he spoiled the finale of Cole’s favorite show?” Nya grinned. “Cole was pissed.”

“Okay, okay, so there were a few times,” Jay spluttered. “But those were a while ago! I have many more secrets that I have kept than I haven’t.”

Cole crossed his arms, smirking. “Name one.”

“Well, there was that one time, where I- hey!” He stopped, glaring at Cole. “You’re trying to trick me into telling you a secret!”

“And it very nearly worked. So no. You can’t know.”

Nya shrugged. “Sorry, Jay. He’s right. When you have a secret, you get nervous. And when you’re nervous, you talk. A lot. It would only be a matter of time before you spilled everything to Lloyd.”

“Fine,” Jay muttered. “Keep your secrets.”

Kai jumped slightly as Nya elbowed him, and she frowned. “You okay? You’ve been really quiet.”

Kai shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Is it just me, or… did Lloyd seem like he doesn’t really want a birthday party?”

The others went quiet.

“We’re not going to not give him a party,” Nya insisted. “You know how he gets. He never wants anyone to make a fuss.” Her brow furrowed. “It’s like he still can’t get it into his skull that we care about him.”

“I mean, of course I want to, it’s just… we can’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want.” Kai bit his lip. “It’s been a rough past few months for him. I just want him to be happy.”

“We all do,” Cole agreed. “Lloyd deserves a night just about him, for once.”

Zane frowned. “But how are we supposed to give him the party that he wants if he won’t tell us what he wants?”

“Let me try to talk to him,” Kai said. “He might open up more if it’s just one of us there.”

---

Lloyd, in fact, did not want to talk.

He was more open during their classes the next day, and held casual conversation with him, but forcefully avoided the topic of his birthday whenever Kai brought it up.

He huffed with frustration. What kind of kid didn’t want to celebrate their birthday? He wished Lloyd would just tell him what was going on.

He wasn’t going to, though, so naturally, the next best thing was to follow him.

He wouldn’t call it spying- just finding another way of obtaining information when Lloyd refused to give it himself. Besides, he was doing this to help Lloyd, not to hurt him.

Kai jerked himself out of his thoughts as Lloyd nearly slipped from his view. He gritted his teeth, refocusing on him. Lloyd wasn’t an easy person to follow, either.

When he finally caught up to him, keeping a reasonable distance, of course, Lloyd was hovering near his locker. An unfamiliar, dark-haired kid was leaning against it, laughing at something as Lloyd smiled uneasily. Kai edged closer, his frown deepening.

“Where’s the spike head? And the rest of your gang?”

“Kai?” Lloyd shifted. “I dunno. He probably had homework and stuff to do.”

The guy shrugged. “I kind of found him annoying, anyway. You realize no one could ever get to you when your friends were around, right?”

“I guess that’s… kind of the point.”

“You can’t spend your whole life letting them protect you. If you block out any person who hurts you, you block out anyone who could potentially be a friend, too.” The guy smiled in a way that made Kai wanted to chuck himself between Lloyd and the guy.

“That’s… that’s the thing. No one wants to be nice to me.”

“Spare me the sob story,” the guy rolled his eyes. “I know your dad sucks, but at least you have one.”

Lloyd flinched. “Sorry.”

The guy laughed, putting a hand on his shoulder and shoving him. “Stop being so jumpy, will ya? No wonder kids pick on you, you’re as harmless as a flea.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Lloyd blinked. “I can’t hit them back, or I’ll be in more trouble than I already am.”

“You don’t need to hit them, just show them you’re not a total coward! Maybe if you actually listen to them instead of cringing away, things might change.”

“Listen to them? Are you saying they’re right?”

“What does it matter if they’re right? Look, Lloyd, you’ve already got it hard enough as it is, and you’re making everything more difficult. You’d be so much cooler if you actually hung out with important people and not the outcast-losers you’ve stationed yourself with.”

For the first time since the conversation had started, Lloyd appeared indignant. “They’re not- I mean, you’re not-”

The guy laughed. “See? You can’t even get a word out. You’re so pathetic. You don’t even need the fact that you’re Garmadon’s son to get picked on, you already got it all set up for the torment-”

Kai wasn’t aware of himself pushing forward, he just was, and suddenly he was gripping the guy by the collar of his shirt, a pair of wide, brown eyes staring fearfully up into his.

“Who do you think you are and what the hell are you doing?”

“I… um, I…” the guy swallowed, his throat running dry.

“You treating my best friend like a piece of shit?” Kai shook him. “Are you?”

“I’m sorry!” The guy squirmed. “I didn’t really mean it, we were just joking around, he says that kind of stuff to me all the time!”

“Really? Lloyd. Says that. You sure we’re talking about the same person? Because I do not take nicely to liars.”

The guy squirmed harder. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry! Just please let me go, I’ll never bother you again!” Kai shot him the fiercest glare he could muster. “You better not.” He stepped back, dropping the kid, and he took off like a bullet.

Turning back to Lloyd, he saw his friend was staring at the fleeing boy with wide, disbelieving eyes, but it quickly dissipated to anger as he turned to Kai. “What the heck did you do that for?”

Kai’s eyes widened. “I was protecting you? From a bully?” Lloyd’s eyes flashed, and Kai actually took a step back. “I don’t need you to protect me! I can fight my own battles!”

Before Kai could even say anything, Lloyd was storming down the hallway and disappearing around the corner.

Kai just stood there for a moment, in shock. What was that all about? Hadn’t he done the same thing for Lloyd a dozen times? Why would defending him ever be bad?

A buzz in his pocket interrupted his thoughts. Kai pulled out his phone to see a new message in the chat from his sister.

irondragonfangirl: how r things going with lloyd

MasterofFiyaaaaa: honestly? i think i made it worse

irondragonfangirl: well u better find a way to fix it soon because his bday’s TOMORROW

MasterofFiyaaaaa: yeah i’ll find a way through to him

MasterofFiyaaaaa: i just hope he listens

irondragonfangirl: don’t worry

irondragonfangirl: he will

irondragonfangirl: just make sure u remember to listen to him too

irondragonfangirl: i have a feeling we haven’t been doing that enough

irondragonfangirl: i feel terrible

MasterofFiyaaaaa: yeah me too

MasterofFiyaaaaa: we’ll make it up to him though

MasterofFiyaaaaa: right?

irondragonfangirl: sure as long as cole doesn’t burn this cake

irondragonfangirl: seriously y did we let him bake it

irondragonfangirl: if i dont respond in the next hour just assume his house burnt down and im dead

MasterofFiyaaaaa: can i have your motorcycle if you die

irondragonfangirl: shut up

---

Kai spent an hour looking for Lloyd after their confrontation, but he couldn’t find him anywhere, and Lloyd, unsurprisingly, hadn’t answered any of the twenty-some texts Kai had sent him, either. Eventually, he had to give up looking for him and resigned to speaking to him at school tomorrow.

His birthday.

In the first class they had together, Lloyd avoided looking at him, and Kai felt an ache in his chest. Today was his birthday. He knew things weren’t going to turn out like he had imagined, but he wanted them to at least be better than this.

Swallowing back his nerves, Kai walked over to him, where he was doodling something in his notebook.

Kai cleared his throat. “Um. Lloyd?”

Lloyd looked up, an expression flashing across his face that Kai couldn’t read, but he didn’t immediately leave or turn away from him, which Kai took as a good sign.

“Happy birthday, dude.”

Lloyd smiled tentatively back. “Thanks.”

Things didn’t go immediately back to normal after that- there was still a tension between them, and Lloyd wasn’t saying much more than a couple sentences at a time, firmly avoiding the topic of the previous day- but at least it was back to a level where Kai didn’t feel absolutely horrible for ruining his day. Lunch, at least, got a smile out of him- as well as a bunch of embarrassed blushing as Nya stabbed a candle into his brownie (they couldn’t actually light it, lighters weren’t allowed on campus) and they insisted on singing to him so off-key that Cole looked like he wanted to punch them.

When the last bell finally rang, Kai headed over to Lloyd’s locker, hoping they could talk now that there weren’t other kids around, but he wasn’t there.

Kai relented, pulling out his phone.

MasterofFiyaaaaa: Lloyd? i know youre upset but can we plz talk?

He held his breath, staring at the screen intensely, as if that would make Lloyd respond.

While he was waiting, a message from a group chat popped up.

irondragonfangirl: what’s taking so long jay, we need those decorations

jaybird123: eta 5 mins

jaybird123: i literally just left class how’d you get there so fast

jaybird123: wait you didn’t use the tunnels did you

irondragonfangirl: no me and cole are bringing the CAKE remember?

irondragonfangirl: im not taking that through the tunnel

irondragonfangirl: we didnt spend 3 hrs on that for it to get squished

irondragonfangirl: i told the nurse i wasn’t feeling well so i could go home early

irondragonfangirl: why didnt YOU take them

jaybird123: i couldn’t exactly discreetly smuggle all these decorations into my locker

jaybird123: mmm cake. is it good?

irondragonfangirl: don’t even THINK about it, that’s not until Lloyd gets here

jaybird123: but im hungryyyy

jaybird123: do i need to pick up anything for dinner?

rock’n’cole: nah it’s cool, we just found out lloyd’s favorite chinese restaurant, the Bamboo Dragon, delivers so we’re gonna order from there

jaybird123: my mouth is watering already

ZaneJulien:0xD;): Jay, you shouldn’t text while driving.

jaybird123: tell nya to get off my case then!

irondragonfangirl: exCUSE me zane you are supposed to be putting up those balloons right now why are YOU on your phone

ZaneJulien:0xD;): Why are you texting me? We are in the same room.

irondragonfangirl: why are YOU texting ME

rock’n’cole: would you guys just stop being dumb and come help me

irondragonfangirl: great now you got cole in on it too

rock’n’cole: would you two just GET OFF YOUR PHONES

Kai was interrupted from whatever turn the conversation was going to take next when he finally got another notification.

thegreendragon: ok. you know where i’ll be

Kai blinked, turning towards the doors and pushing through them, walking out onto the school lawn. The main feature was the football stadium, although there were other things as well- large trees, garden patches for the science classes, picnic tables for eating lunch outside, if the weather permitted. And- although the students were too old for recess, now- there was still a small swing set- a simple, rusty thing, with only two swings, but it served its purpose. Sitting on one of them, gently rocking, was Lloyd.

Kai made his way over, sitting down beside him in the other swing.

“So, uh… can we talk? About yesterday?”

Lloyd nodded, and Kai titled his head at him, trying to gauge his thoughts. “Who was that kid?”

Lloyd breathed out slowly. “His name is Brad. He was my best- and only- friend in elementary school, but we were separated when I moved away. Brad’s family just recently moved to Ninjago City, and I… I was hoping to reconnect with him.”

Kai ignored the twinge of jealousy at the words “best friends.” Lloyd was allowed to have other people than him in his life, and things had obviously changed since then, anyway.

“I’m sorry, Lloyd. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything, but from what I saw… Brad was being a jerk to you.”

Lloyd shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, I… he’s changed since we were kids. The efforts at rekindling our friendship honestly aren’t going so well. That’s… that’s why I was in a bad mood. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. You were only trying to do something nice for me.” “Don’t worry about me. But this Brad kid… anyone who treats you like that doesn’t deserve to be your friend.”

“I know, I just…” Lloyd sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “I was so eager to make a friend other than you guys…” His eyes widened as he processed his own words. “Not there’s anything wrong with you guys, it’s just- I just wanted to actually earn someone who wasn’t friends with me because of a shared occupation.”

Kai elbowed him. “Hey. This whole ninja thing may be what got us introduced to each other, but we’re not friends with you because you’re one of the ninja. We’re your friends because we love you as a person. As Lloyd, not the green ninja.”

Lloyd sniffed, giving him a soft smile. “Thanks, Kai. I’m glad I have you to protect me.”

“You don’t need protection, but you’re stuck with me as a best friend, so you’re going to get it, anyway.”

Lloyd laughed. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

His phone buzzed, and he quickly checked it.

irondragonfangirl: the party’s all set up, now the only thing missing is lloyd. did you get to talk to him?

MasterofFiyaaaaa: yeah, we’re cool now. on our way

Kai turned back to Lloyd. “C’mon, green machine. Let’s go enjoy your birthday.”

Lloyd blinked at him. “Huh?”

“Your party, remember? The one Nya and the guys have spent the whole week planning? Or is there some other celebration I don’t know about?”

Lloyd shook his head. “No, no, it’s just- I thought I messed it all up.”

“Don’t worry, we got it under control.”

“Really?”

“This is our teammates you’re talking about! Stubborn as mules. They’re not giving up on you that easily.”

“I… thank you. Thank you guys.”

“You can tell them yourself. We’re going to this party, and we’re going to have fun!”

---

Kai had to admit, he was impressed with what the others had been able to pull off in such a short amount of time.

It was nothing huge or extravagant, but it was a nice little party, and Lloyd seemed to like it better like that, anyway.

They were barely through the doors of the warehouse when Jay was launching himself into Lloyd’s arms, pulling him into a tight hug, the others close behind.

“Happy birthday!” they cheered.

Lloyd hugged them back, laughing. “Thanks, guys, I didn’t- I didn’t expect all this!”

“Are you kidding?” Nya put her hands on her hips, grinning. “We’re pulling out all the stops for our baby bro.”

Lloyd’s smile briefly flickered to a scowl. “I’m not a baby.”

“To us, you always will be,” Kai said, slinging an arm around his shoulders and ruffling his hair. Lloyd squirmed away, although he was unable to hide the grin on his face.

“Wow, this place really looks different.” Lloyd gazed around at the warehouse with wide eyes. They had pushed aside training equipment to make room for tables and chairs, and green and gold streamers decorated the walls, adorned by multicolored balloons. Someone had plugged a gaming console into the TV, as well as a DVD player next to a box of DVDs- which must’ve been Jay’s, he was the only person Kai knew, apart from Master Wu, who even had DVDs anymore- because Kai still hadn’t been able to convince Master Wu to buy them Netflix on the warehouse’s TV, getting the TV there in the first place had been hard enough as it was. On the far end was a buffet table, filled with rice, chicken, dumplings, and other Chinese staples from the Bamboo Dragon- as well as a beautiful, heavily frosted cake in the center of it all. It was decorated with rainbow sprinkles, making it completely and uniquely Lloyd.

Lloyd’s eyes were on the cake too, his eyes wide. “Cole! It looks amazing! I never knew you were so good at making cakes!”

Cole shrugged, trying to hide his smile. “I’ve had some experience.”

“Hey! What makes you think Cole made it?” Nya sniffed.

Cole blinked. “I did.”

“Well, I helped.”

Cole snorted. “Don’t know if you could call it that. From my point of view, it seems like I was doing most of the work while you were busy texting your boo.”

Both Nya and Jay turned scarlet.

“I was not,” Nya spluttered. “I was making preparations for Lloyd’s party!” “Yeah, yeah, whatever you have to tell yourself.”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions too hastily,” Jay said, turning to walk over to the cake. “The true judge of quality will be how good it tastes.”

Nya stuck an arm in front of him. “Not so fast, mister! Dinner first.”

After laughing, playing games, and eating, they insisted on opening presents. Lloyd was all smiles and gratitude with each one, which ended up sparking a debate between the others about whose gift he liked best.

“He totally loved my gift!” “Nuh-uh! Did you see the way he smiled a little differently on mine?”

“Jay, you literally gave him a book. Why would he be excited about that?”

“Not just any book! A first edition Starfarer collector’s comic from when my parents were kids, and in mint condition, too!”

“Why would you want some dusty old comic when you could have the newest Starfarer video game?” Kai argued. “It took forever for me to find one of these, they were sold out everywhere.”

“Starfarer this, Starfarer that,” Cole sighed. “I don’t understand how he could possibly need any more Starfarer things. The record I engraved for him is way more personable and unique.”

“You guys are thinking about this all wrong! You should’ve gotten him a katana like me, something that he actually needs and uses.”

“Statistically, Lloyd spends more time drawing than any other hobby,” Zane said. “Which means my gift of an art book and new set of pencils is logically the best fit.”

“Clearly you guys all have it wrong in the head-”

“Guys, relax,” Lloyd laughed. “I loved all your gifts equally.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Jay… it means exactly what you think it means.”

“You can’t even pick one gift?”

Lloyd shook his head. “No way. These are all amazing. Thank you, guys. Really.” His gaze met Kai’s for a long beat. “For everything.”

“Of course. But, just to make things clear, you did like mine the most, right? You’re just saying you liked them equally, so that you didn’t make the others feel bad?”

Lloyd smacked his forehead as the others burst into protest again, and Kai shot him a sharp-edged grin. “I can do this all night.”

Eventually, Lloyd got them to stop bickering- the mention of cake got them all quiet pretty quickly- and after divvying it up, they went over to the couch and played the video game Kai had gotten him. He quickly lost track of time, but time didn’t matter. Even if it meant they would be tired for school the next day, seeing Lloyd like this- half sprawled over his teammates, brow scrunched in concentration as he mashed buttons on his controller, hints of frosting on his lips as he tried and failed miserably to bite back his laughter- it was worth it. He looked happier than Kai had seen him in weeks.

For that, he could even contain himself from bragging about how Lloyd obviously liked his gift best.

[frenchpuppycormier]

I'd Follow You Wherever

(ao3)

word count: 4k

rating: T

Once again a shoutout to @femmeluthor for being my number one fan and listening to me complain ;)

Lena stares unblinking at the object in her hands and thinks about where her actions have led her, and daydreaming about what her life has become. Never in a million years did she picture this is what she’d be doing in her thirties; preparing herself to travel across the galaxy to another dimension to rescue the woman she cares most about in the world. The universe.

“You sure this is going to work?”

“It has to,” Lena quivers. Alex nods in understanding. “I don’t know what else to do, Alex. Nothing feels right without her. I-I can’t sleep at all, I’m constantly thinking about her and how she is, I think my hair is falling out, I can’t walk by our favorite restaurant anymore without crying…I can barely eat, and when I do it just comes back up. All I feel is this constant, aching pain and it’s sucking me dry. I don’t know what to do,” she chokes out a sob and her hands start to tremble. “Alex, I have to do this!”

Sensing a panic attack of larger proportions on the horizon, Alex steps forward and pulls her into a gentle, yet firm hug. “Hey,” she squeezes her back with one hand while the other runs soothingly along Lena’s shoulder blade and arm. Resting her head against hers, Alex murmurs, “It’s okay. I understand. You gotta do what you gotta do. I just wish we had another way.”

Lena leans back and looks at her incredulously with pinched brows, “What, you don’t think I can do this?”

Alex huffs and lets out a soft chuckle. “Lena, no. That’s not what I’m saying.” Noticing Lena isn’t standing down from her natural defensiveness, she rolls her eyes. “You really don’t see it?”

“Please, enlighten me,” she gestures as if telling her to continue.

“Lena,” Alex shakes her head and rests her palms on Lena’s shoulders. “I already lost Kara; I can’t lose you too. I mean, I know you and I never really got a chance to make things right, but I’d like to think we’re friends, don’t you?”

A stray tear drops from Lena’s eye and she wipes it with her thumb before sniffling. She cracks a smile and deflects, “Since when did you become so sentimental?”

Alex releases her hold and laughs, “Well, having Kara as a sister does that to me. Lately it’s occurred to me that life’s too short to be a hard ass all the time, as cheesy as it sounds. And you know, Kelly is a therapist.” That gets a chuckle out of Lena. “I don’t know, I guess I just realized you’re the closest thing I have to Kara right now, and to be honest…I think you’re pretty special, Lena.”

The former CEO’s eyes widen with the admission. “Thank you,” her voice cracks. She clears her throat, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

Alex jokingly salutes her but quickly grows serious again. She huffs loudly and her eyes dart around the room before settling on Lena’s face. The woman looks back with a worried gaze.

“What?” Lena asks. “Alex, what is it?”

“Nothing, I just,” she shakes her head and gathers her wits. She stands straighter and crosses her arms in front of her chest, and with her head held high she says, “I’m going with you.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Alex, no,” she states firmly. “We agreed—”

The auburn-haired woman shakes her head. “We,” Alex gestures her finger between the two of them, “Didn’t agree on anything. You strutted in here with your proclivities and decided what was happening without allowing the rest of the group any say in it.”

“Alex…”

“I’m going with. It’s final,” Alex states and saunters over to the control panel in the center of the tower.

Lena scoffs and follows her, yelling at her turned back, “The hell you are! The deal was I go and you stay here in case anything happens to me. That way, you still have a fighting chance to save Kara and I, I will have tried my best, but I did what I could and you’ll get to move on.” Lena pauses for a second and emphasizes, “With Kara.”

Alex whips her head around and shoots daggers at her, causing Lena to startle and shrink back. “That’s bullshit and you know it.” Lena’s nostrils flare in retaliation, but Alex keeps going. “I’m sick of you putting yourself on the line all the time. You’re just like Kara and it’s annoying as fuck!” She laughs tiredly as an epiphany enters through her brain. “You guys are perfect for each other.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh come on, Lena. You can’t be that dense,” Alex says, with mild exasperation. “Kara loves you, she’s in love with you, but she’s been too afraid to tell you because of the whole secret identity mishap. She already made a huge mistake which pissed you off, she didn’t want to risk losing you again, or your friendship, by speaking it into existence…And you!” she points accusingly at Lena. “You are too stubborn to admit your feelings out loud, so you bury them deep down inside because you think Kara will deny you or laugh at you, but if you actually think that then you really don’t know my sister at all.”

Lena’s mouth is hanging open by the time she’s done. She quickly closes it and swallows thickly before replying. “She loves me?”

Alex deflates and smiles softly. “Honey, she almost risked the entire timeline to tell you her secret earlier than when she actually did. I’d say she loves you.”

“Wait, what—”

“We’ll get to that part later, but for right now we’re running out of time,” Alex grabs the device from Lena. “So, ready to go rescue my sister?”

Lena eyes her suspiciously, “We’re not done with this conversation.”

“Scout’s honor.”

“You were never a girl scout,” Lena snatches back the device. “I’ll take that. Took me all night to make this. I’m not risking it in your hands.”

Alex smirks, “’Kay, so remind me how this works again? Just so everything’s clear?”

“Well…basically we open up a portal to the Phantom Zone, then once we step through, this,” Lena holds up the device, “Will allow us to track Kara and her location. I took the nanobots to map the brains of the progeny we have in containment. Then, I used q-waves to replicate Malefic’s powers, and M’gann’s sensing abilities, and with the help of Kara’s DNA I was able to calibrate the device to the right frequency, which is how we’ll find her. All of this to make one simple tracking device. Again. Y’know, since you stole the first one I made.”

Alex winces under Lena’s intense glare. “I said I was sorry.”

“No worries, all is forgiven,” the former CEO smirks.

Alex releases a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “Okay, so then how will we know exactly where Kara is?”

“The device will chirp when we’re in her radius.”

“Is there any way we can narrow it down? Like to her exact coordinates or something? The Phantom Zone is a large place.”

“I wish I could say there was another way, but I’m afraid this is all we have,” Lena deflates. “You’re not about to back out already, are you?”

Alex purses her lips. “No way, Luthor. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Lena lifts her arm and presses the button to the portal watch. She glances at Alex and smiles, “Let’s go get our girl.”

.

.

.

Lena doesn’t know how long it takes them. Her watch tells her it’s been a week, but time in the Phantom Zone is different, so for all she knows it’s been a month since they’ve been roaming around searching for Kara.

Her feet are dragging with every step and she can tell Alex is just as exhausted and sluggish as she is. She knows they need to take a break and rest. She knows this. But she also knows the longer they wait, the longer they are away from Kara. The longer Kara has been here suffering by herself, and Lena can’t have that. No, she needs to get to Kara as fast as possible. Before it’s too late.

They pass a large boulder and after a minute of no random ramblings from Alex’s mouth, or fun facts to distract them, Lena frowns and stops. She turns around and sees no sign of the other woman. She squints and just barely notices a figure toppled over on their side, not moving. “Alex!”

Lena runs as fast as her legs can move her. She stumbles next to Alex and lands on her knees, the pain excruciating. Her synapses are firing throughout her body, but that’s the least of her worries right now. She shakes the older woman’s shoulders and cries out her name once more.

No response.

“Goddammit, Alex. Don’t do this to me. We’re so close!” Lena whips her backpack off and fumbles around the contents for her water bottle. Leave it to Lena to come extra prepared. She twists the cap off and pours a conservative amount on Alex’s face. It does the trick.

“Jesus, Lena!” she sputters and breathes heavily, wiping the liquid from her eyes.

“You fucking scared me half to death! What was I supposed to do?” Lena shrieks. If only her brother could see her now. He’d get a kick out of the way she’s freakishly reminiscent to a final girl and their antics.

Alex sits up with help from Lena. She swipes the bottle from her and takes a long swig, water dribbling down her bottom lip. “Thanks.”

Lena nods. “No problem.” She glances around them and shivers. “Now, I don’t know about you, but this place is giving me major Alien the movie vibes and we’re out in the open. So, how’s about we get a move on, hmm?”

“You don’t need to say ‘the movie’. You can just say Alien.”

“Alex…”

“Alright, alright,” Alex teases.

Rolling her eyes, Lena helps Alex to her feet with ease, and they continue the trek. It lasts about ten miles, until Alex needs another break. This time a chosen break. They settle along a bank of tall, pointy rocks. Lena reaches into her bag and downs a healthy amount of water.

“Hey! You gonna leave any for me?” Alex complains.

“Well maybe you should’ve brought your own!” Lena argues, but hands over the bottle anyway.

Alex thanks her and lowers herself to the ground. She grabs her ankle and winces. “Did you happen to bring a first aid kit in that bag of yours?”

Lena raises a perfectly sculpted eyebrow and huffs, “It’s like you don’t know me at all.” She crouches next to Alex, takes off her bag, and rifles through it. While she’s distracted, she barely notices her surroundings and doesn’t have time to react to the feeling of a slight pinch on her arm.

She slowly turns her head and looks over to see Alex retract her hand, which holds a syringe. A wave of nausea hits Lena hard and her vision blurs. The last thing she sees is a snarling Alex before she succumbs to darkness.

When she wakes up it’s to pitch black surroundings, save for a small fire burning by her feet. Sosmall, in fact, it shouldn’t even be considered a fire. It’s merely smoldering embers, wisps of smoke on the verge of dying. Lena goes to move her arms but they’re being constrained be something. She mentally catalogues the environment around her, and realizes her wrists are tied together behind her back with rope, and her arms are wrapped around a tree. The only tree for miles.

Why would Alex do this? she thinks. I thought we were friends. Or was she just playing me the whole time to get close to me? And when she finally gained my trust, she twisted the proverbial knife into my gut. But for what? There’s nothing her for her to gain.

Lena groans and struggles against her confines.

“Ah, you’re awake,” a voice startles her from her reverie. “Good.”

“Alex,” Lena croaks, her throat parched. “Why are you doing this?”

Alex laughs like a hyena catching its prey. “Can’t you see? You’re just a dumb, pathetic weakling who never learns. You trust too easily, even though you know everyone will eventually betray you. You’re worthless,” Alex spits. “Twisted and evil; you’re a Luthor, just like your brother. Who would ever love you?”

Lena trembles, tears prickling her eyes. “No…”

“Everything you touch turns to ash. Kara’s probably dead because of you. The world hates aliens, because of you. You’re going to pay for what you’ve done,” Alex’s face slowly morphs into Lex’s sneering face, and suddenly everything feels wrong. “We could’ve had it all, Lena. We could’ve built something together, but you had to go and play hero, didn’t you?”

“No!” Lena chokes.

Lex steps closer so he’s towering of her, the light from the fire burning shadows across his sunken face. “You never learn, Lena. You don’t deserve the Luthor name. Supergirl is mine and you can’t stop me.” He puts his hands in his pant pockets like he just landed a deal, the confidence radiating off him as he walks away.

“W-Where are you going?” Lena yells. “What are you going to do?”

He turns around to look at her one last time and says, “To do what you couldn’t; I’m going to kill Supergirl.” He struts off into the distance with the only sound being Lena’s screams echoing throughout the wide berth of the canyon.

Lena screams until her throat grows hoarse and all that comes out is thick, dry sobs. She shakes and trembles and pulls at her wrists to break free, but it’s no use. Exhaustion settles in her bones and takes over until her eyelids grow heavy, and the darkness encompasses her once again.

The next time she wakes it’s to blinding light. She squints and tries to rub her face, but remembers they’re tied behind her back. Her heart starts thumping rapidly in her chest as the panic swallows her whole. She’s all alone. Left for dead. With no way to escape. She supposes she deserves this. Alex said so herself, who would ever love her?

As the day goes on her limbs grow heavy and her body gets weaker and weaker. She sighs and lets the elements do their work and take over. The last thought running through her mind before she goes is that she never got to tell Kara how she felt. Closing her eyes, Lena hears a voice in the back of her mind repeating her name. It’s getting louder and louder, but she doesn’t care. All she wants to do is sleep.

She hears the same voice yell her name again, sounding so close, yet far away. The voice is muffled as if she’s underwater.

“LENA!”

With no warning, she feels a jolt of pain in her ribs, and like her body is shocked with adrenaline, her eyes blast wide open and she wheezes. The first thing she notices is Alex hovering over her with worried eyes.

Alex sags in relief, “Oh, thank God.”

“Get away from me!” Lena shudders and backs away on her hands, palms scraping against the rough terrain.

“Woah! Hey, what’s going on?” Alex pleads holding her hands out in a placating gesture.

“You left me for dead,” Lena whimpers, tears threatening to fall. “You just left me there, all alone.”

Alex frowns, “What? No, Lena. Hey, look at me,” Alex tentatively reaches her hand toward the brunette like one would when dealing with a spooked animal. She grabs her chin as those glassy eyes morph into something akin to tentativeness. “You’re okay. None of that was real. It was all in your head.”

After quiet contemplation and realizing what she’s saying holds true, Lena sighs deeply and nods. “What happened?”

“I don’t know. We were just resting and I heard you whimpering in your sleep. I thought something was seriously wrong.”

Lena stares blankly at her. “But I don’t remember falling asleep….”

Alex’s eyebrows pinch together. “What do you—”

That’s when Lena notices the phantom looming in the dark. Its eyes are glowing red and its hands are buzzing with an energy as if taking control of someone’s mind.

“It’s him. He was playing tricks on us!” Lena whisper shouts and shuffles to her feet in one swift motion. She grabs Alex’s hand and pulls her away before the phantom wakes up. “We need to go. Right now!”

.

.

.

They make it to the edge of a ravine and Lena stops short, her mind spiraling with confusion. It must show on her face, because Alex notices something’s off almost immediately.

“What is it?” Alex asks.

“I’ve been here before,” Lena mutters, mostly to herself. If it weren’t for their close proximity, Alex probably wouldn’t have heard her.

“What? That’s impossible…”

Lena shakes her head. “No, not literally. I was here in my dream,” she rolls her eyes at herself. “Or rather, what the phantom put inside my head. This has to mean something!” At that exact moment, the tracking device in Lena’s hands lights up and shrills harshly. “She’s close! Kara’s close!” she grins widely, excitement swelling her cheeks.

As Lena walks away, the device growing louder with each step, Alex grabs her by the elbow and pulls her back effectively stopping her in her tracks. “What if it’s a trap?”

“We’ve come this far. We can’t stop now,” Lena rips her arm away and trudges on, leaving Alex in the dust. Alex quickly catches up with her and wordlessly makes it known that she’s got her back.

The duo makes it to a point where the device is droning out a constant beep. “She’s here!” Lena exclaims. Here is a maze of jagged rocks and what can only be described as molten lava.

“Fuck! How are we supposed to find her in here?!” Alex rubs her temples.

“Shh,” Lena grabs her wrist. “Do you hear that?” Alex lowers her hands and listens for any noise in the vicinity. A quiet whimper emerges from somewhere to their left. Lena blames it on the lack of sun in the decrepit place, blames the lack of light for why they were unable to see a small figure leaning on the rocky wall, hidden in the shadows.

“Kara?” Lena gasps. She creeps forward careful not to startle her. “Kara,” she says, louder this time.

“Who’s there?” Kara asks, trembling slightly and shuffling away so she’s pressed up against the wall. Her normal demeanor is completely forgotten and it’s morphed into rigidity and stiffness.

Alex’s body betrays her and she collapses to the ground in a heap, her hands covering her mouth in shock. Tears trickle down her cheeks. Lena glances back over her shoulder and softens in understanding.

Lena crouches down closer to Kara and as soon as her eyes adjust to the dark, she chokes on her own breath. Kara’s once bright, sapphire eyes are now pale and grey. They’re slowly losing the light inside of her, and becoming something dark and lost. “Kara,” she whispers.

“Who are you? How do you know my name?” Kara’s eyes dart around like she’s frantically searching for something.

“Hey, it’s me,” she sits on her knees facing her, itching to reach out and touch her. “It’s Lena. Listen to my voice.”

Kara shakes her head furiously, tendrils of hair bouncing off her shoulder. “No. No, Lena can’t be here. It’s not safe.”

“Darling, it’s me. Okay?”

“No. No, no, no, no,” Kara cries, her body shaking with every utterance.

Lena doesn’t fight it anymore and she clasps onto Kara’s flailing hands. “It’s me, Kara. I’m here. Your Lena,” she lifts Kara’s hands and places them on her own face. “I had to find you myself, I couldn’t trust anyone else to do it without fail. I supposed that’s selfish of me, but when it comes to you I’d do anything.”

Kara begins tracing over Lena’s features with deft fingers, every worry line and wrinkle. She starts with the eyebrows she’s become quite accustomed to, then continues with the swell of her cheekbones and sharp jawline, moving over to the slope of her nose, and finally settling her thumbs on plump, parted lips. Her favorite pair of lips. Lena’s breath hitches from Kara’s tender searching.

Once she’s done, Kara rests her forehead on Lena’s and faintly sobs, hands gripping underneath her jaw and along her neck. “It really is you,” Kara closes the distance and slowly, but with steady determination, kisses her. Lena’s lips are soft and warm compared to the acrid burning that’s constantly surrounded her since she’s been in this place. She sighs, causing a breathy moan to emerge from Lena, and she pulls back to breathe in the woman before her. “I never thought I’d get the chance to do that.”

Lena laughs and Kara melts at the sound, forgetting such a simple thing could cause her so much joy. Kara opens her eyes and she almost chokes on her breath from the shiny, emerald eyes gazing back at her with nothing but love. “Lena,” she breathes.

“Kara?”

“I see you. Rao, you’re so beautiful,” she gushes.

Lena’s cheeks become a light dusting of pink with that admission, and she dips her head bashfully. “You’re not so bad yourself, Supergirl.”

Kara grins and gently tilts Lena’s head up. She leans her forehead on Lena’s again, playfully bumping their noses against each other, while softly rubbing her thumbs over Lena’s cheeks, just below her eyes. “I really want to kiss you again,” she whispers.

“I look forward to doing a whole lot more of that, but let’s get you home first, yeah? I’m still concerned about getting you somewhere safe.” Kara nods mutely and smiles morosely. “Can you stand?”

“I think so.”

Lena stands and reaches for her hands. She’s not expecting Kara to be that light, so when she pulls her up Kara stumbles forward and nearly topples over her. Lena catches her fall and before she can say anything, the Kryptonian is encircling her arms around Lena and murmuring into her neck, “I missed you so much.” Lena tightens her hold and squeezes her back. “Me too.”

Kara pulls back and tilts her head to the side. “Are you here alone?”

Lena shakes her head, “No, Alex is here too. She’s right there,” she nods to her right and frowns at Kara. “Could you not hear her?”

“I was a little distracted…” she shrugs smugly.

Lena responds by unconsciously licking her lips. She catches herself and pushes the thoughts of strong arms and legs out of her head, and rolls her eyes. The raven-haired woman pulls Kara over to Alex and whispers, “Alex?”

The older woman wipes her eyes and stands up. When she takes in the sight of her sister, she completely breaks. “Kara!” Alex engulfs her in a hug, causing an oof to emerge from the hero. Kara responds by wrapping an arm around her sister’s neck, with one of Lena’s hands still connected with her free hand.

“Alex,” Kara weeps. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Are you kidding me?” Alex pulls back. “I couldn’t let this one over here take the reins,” she jabs a thumb toward Lena, who scoffs.

“Who was it that saved your ass? And got us here in the first place?” Lena claps back.

“Semantics,” Alex waves a hand nonchalantly.

Kara grins at the interaction between her sister and her best friend. She sure missed a lot while she was incapacitated in the Phantom Zone, but if this is one of the outcomes, she thinks maybe it was worth it. She’s only ever wanted for Lena to become a part of her family, and she’s giddy at the sight of seeing her get along so well with Alex. Even if things are bound to change, at least she has her two favorite women with her. It doesn’t matter what happens next if it means they’re by her side.

“Ready to go home, goofball?” the girl of steel questions.

Alex sticks out her tongue but smiles anyway. “Yes, please.”

Kara grabs a hold of Alex’s hand while her other wrapped around Lena’s waist. She squeezes her hip and kisses her temple. “Ready when you are.” Lena leans into her touch and lifts her wrist one last time. As she glances at the two sisters beside her, she smiles and thinks about how lucky she is. She presses the button and together they walk through the portal.

Back to National City.

Back to their family.

Back home.

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 22

A/N:  So this chapter actually marks the end of the plot line of the movie “The Devil Wears Prada” -- I’m sure the dialogue after the Zamboni driver game from last chapter and the “By all means, move at a glacial place, you know how that thrills me” line was a bit of a hint.  Also, we’re striking that last scene where Andie apologizes to Nate in the restaurant because she had absolutely nothing to apologize for 😤 ANYWAYS, this means that from this point, up until maaaaaybe the final FINAL chapters (whenever this thing ends, because I still don’t know when), all content and storyline is original and not based on the movie, although it will still obviously be inspired by it.  We love consistency!  Have a great read, and enjoy!  Let me know what you think as always!

February 24th, 2020

Aberdeen Bloom watched as Brendan and Kyle were answering phones left, right, and centre.

Seriously.  At one point, Kyle had three on his ears.  He didn’t have three ears.  All because of the damned trade deadline.  And it was still only 9:30 in the morning.  

The room was set up the way she was told to set it up; prepared how Brendan wanted it prepared.  Every major voice for both the Leafs and the Marlies was in the room – Brendan, Kyle, Brandon, Dave, Reid, Leanne, Sheldon, Paul, Dave, Andrew, Jim, Troy, and even Laurence, Mike, Greg, AJ, and Rob from the Toronto Marlies.  At the front of the room, on the whiteboard, there were the names of all the players – even those in the system – glued to magnets so they could move them around.  On the other side were magnets with names of some other players from teams that they’d been looking at bringing in through a trade.  Three phones were hooked up in the room, and Brendan and Kyle were on their cellphones a lot.  There was a TV set up for video playback and hooked up to Reid’s laptop.  Brendan would exit and enter the board room at will while he was on his phone.  So would Kyle.  Kyle was dealing with most of the possible cap stuff.  There were worksheets everywhere.  

And in the back of Aberdeen’s mind, all she could think about was Tyson Barrie.

He’d been on her mind since the drive home, really, and since all the ramp up for the trade deadline started.  And she couldn’t help but wonder if Brendan and Kyle knew of him wanting to be traded and him being unhappy.  Did Brendan and Kyle concern themselves with the private lives of their players?  Even if the player said nothing?  That was the ultimate question Aberdeen needed answered, because now that she recognized all the clues, it was glaringly obvious to her how much Tyson wanted out.  She hadn’t said anything, obviously.  His name magnet wasn’t moving around much, but she knew how much he wanted to be moved.  She was conflicted.  

“This motherfu…” she heard Brendan mumble as he looked down at his phone.  “Can someone post a memo to the entire fucking league that we’re not trading Nylander, for fuck sakes,” he announced to the room.  “The core isn’t on the fucking table unless Connor Mc-fucking-David is in the mix.”

Aberdeen let out a shaky breath she didn’t know she was holding in.  William being traded was not, for some reason, a worry of hers, if only because everyone knew he was having a banner year and Kyle had made explicitly clear that he wasn’t going to be traded so long as he was GM.  

Kapanen.

Johnsson.  

Gauthier.

Holl.

Ceci.

“It’s not in his contract but Spezza won’t go anywhere.  He wants to be here.”

“If Johnsson goes it’s one less player we offer up to Seattle when the time comes.”

“Can Kappy go?  He’s good bait.  He’s got a friendly contract.”

It didn’t help that everything ended at 3pm.  It also didn’t help that they had a charter flight waiting for them at 4:30 to take them to Tampa for their game tomorrow.  Aberdeen didn’t know how they were going to handle this timeline.  What if they made a blockbuster trade?  What if someone was shipped off to the west coast at 2:59pm and had to uproot his whole life?  Everybody in the room wasn’t exactly calm, but she didn’t know how they could take about trading these players as if they were cattle being moved.  She knew this happened in all sports, but now that she was a part of it (well, in the room – it wasn’t like she was making decisions), it made everything more complicated for her.  

“Tyson’s staying.  Tyson – no – Tyson – Tyson is – Tyson is staying,” she heard Brendan repeating to Kyle, in what looked like a semi-private conversation.  She couldn’t hear some of the other things he was saying, but some words were said loud enough.  Contract.  Avalanche.  Kadri trade.  Defense.  Rielly-Barrie.  

Happy.

Aberdeen gulped.  Did Brendan think he was happy here?  Did Kyle?  Because she knew the exact opposite.  She knew Tyson wasn’t, but she was sworn to secrecy by Tyson that she wouldn’t say a word to Brendan.  But Brendan was wrong.  Tyson wanted out.  

Should…should she say something?

She liked Tyson.  She wanted to see him happy.  It was complicated, though, because she had no loyalty to him.  She did, in a way, as an acquaintance – as someone who overheard a private conversation and then was asked not to share the details of it – but she had more loyalty to Brendan.  Her boss.  The guy who was trying to build a team that would win the Stanley Cup.  The guy that her job depended on.  

“Aberdeen.”

Like, who was she loyal to the most?  If she actually said something to Brendan, would Tyson hate her forever?  Would the entire team turn their back on her and hate her forever too?  Because she couldn’t shut her mouth?  Because she was a tattle-tale and exposed—

“Aberdeen.”

—exposed a secret of one of the players to the boss?  But that secret was tied to his mental health.  It’s not like she saw a guy hook up with a teammate’s girlfriend or escort or do blow off a toilet seat or something.  This was integral to the well-being of a player—

“Aberdeen!”

She snapped out of her thoughts to see and hear Brendan calling her over.  She jumped out of her seat and ran over to him.  “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.  Sorry.  What do you need?”

“I think Chipotle is in order for lunch for everyone,” he said.  “Do you mind taking everyone’s orders?”

Seventeen Chipotle orders later, Aberdeen was waiting in the restaurant at a bar table, most definitely holding up the line that was starting to form due to her massive order.  She took out her phone and saw that William had texted her a heart earlier but she hadn’t seen it.  He had the day off.

how bad does tyson want out of Toronto? be honest

how do u know?

i overheard him and emma talking when they drove me home once is it really bad?

can i call u?

no

it’s not that he doesn’t like it here bc he loves the guys and he likes the city well he really didn’t like babs i think that’s a given but he found it really hard to transition from colorado to here like he couldn’t adjust and support wise he didn’t or doesn’t feel he’s been supported enough and he’s trying his hardest to mesh within the lines and be the guy he was in colorado but he just can’t and it’s driving him crazy

Aberdeen felt herself take a deep breath.  Not that she thought the conversation in the car was out of the blue or a one-off, but at least she had confirmation from another source now.  She couldn’t help but wonder if Tyson talked to the guys on the team about it.  Like, was it an open secret between them?  

why r u asking minskatt

She knew she’d have to lie about that one.  Even though William was her boyfriend, she couldn’t reveal any secrets of what was happening in that war room.  If she did, Brendan would probably put her head in a guillotine.  

all i see on twitter and the sports channels is us moving him they think they’re in the war room with us but they’re not and it’s just funny to me that they already think it’s a done deal

welcome to the toronto media i am getting traded too, haven’t u heard 😉

Aberdeen smiled.  He was such a little shit.  

you’re never leaving me.

never, minskatt ❤️

“Alright, I got seventeen bowls!” the cashier yelled, and Aberdeen knew that was her cue.  They were all stuffed into multiple bags and labelled appropriately, so she handed over the company card to pay.  Holding the four bags in both hands, she made her way back towards the office.  

When she got back, it was very chaotic.  The reports were now everywhere.  Half the people in the room had left to do God knows what.  Kyle was frustrated on the phone with someone.  And Brendan was nowhere to be seen.  “You might want to find him,” Kyle said as Aberdeen handed him his burrito bowl.  His hand was covering the receiver.  

Aberdeen nodded frantically.  She stopped putting all the burrito bowls on the table where people had been sitting, but for some reason grabbed Brendan’s before she began running around the halls, popping into rooms to search for him.  He was nowhere.  She tried texting and calling.  Nothing.  She thought about screaming his name down the hall.  Her mind was getting the best of her.  Why did Kyle need him?  Who was he on the phone with?  

Were they about to make a trade for Tyson?

She needed to find him.  She needed to tell him.

After circling the halls twice, she finally saw him walking, his winter jacket on, phone to his ear before ending the call and walking towards the board room.  “Brendan, Brendan, wait.  I need to talk to you,” she scurried to his side.  “Tyson Barrie wants to be moved.  He told—I overheard a conversation between him and his girlfriend in the car once when they were driving me home after a flight about how deeply unhappy he was here and how he sort of knew he was going to get traded or at least wanted to get traded somewhere so he wouldn’t have to be here and have the pressure on him and maybe be happy again and I promised him I wouldn’t say anything to you but now I am because I thought that maybe if I told you, that you could fix it—”

“Do I smell chicken?” Brendan asked suddenly, taking off his jacket.  

Aberdeen stopped.  Her brain felt like it just short-circuited.  “What?  No.  I—I specifically told them the beef bowl for you—”

“If I have chicken in mine, I will be very disappointed,” he said, taking his burrito bowl from her hands and giving her his jacket instead before disappearing into the conference room, leaving Aberdeen standing there in shock.  

***

The New York Rangers traded Brady Skjei for a first round pick.  The Edmonton Oilers acquired Tyler Ennis, who Aberdeen knew was one of Bee McTavish’s best friends.  Patrick Marleau went to the Pittsburgh Penguins.

But the Leafs stayed quiet.  Calle Rosen came back.  That’s it.  Tyson wasn’t moved.  He was staying a Toronto Maple Leaf.  Aberdeen wondered what he was feeling right now.  She wondered if he and Emma already had their bags packed for nothing.  As everybody went home, Aberdeen cleaned up the boardroom.  When it was time to go to the airport, she went to her desk to grab her suitcase.  Brendan was waiting outside his office.  

The walk to the town car was quiet.  The loading of their suitcases into the trunk was quiet.  The getting into the back of the car together was quiet.  The sitting there as Lou drove through the downtown streets and onto the highway to get to the airport was quiet.  

“You thought I didn’t know…” Brendan began, his voice low as he stared out the window.  When she heard his voice, Aberdeen turned her head slowly towards him.  “I’ve known what was happening for quite some time.  It just took me a while to find out what to do with Tyson.  A few teams were interested, and were probably willing, come July, to make him absurdly overpaid that he would have jumped at it.  But I had to tell everyone he was unavailable.”

Aberdeen felt a shiver run up her spine.  Unavailable?  If Brendan knew Tyson wanted to be moved – if he knew how unhappy he was – then why wouldn’t he move him?  

“The truth is, there is no-one available in the league right now that can fill his place on our team, regardless of how unhappy he is,” Brendan continued.  “Any of the other players would have found this job impossible and the team would have suffered.  Especially because of the way the media is here.  The list of writers, journalists, media personalities, analysts…they eat the players alive.  It takes a very special type of player to want to play in Toronto.  That’s why it was, and is still, such a big deal that John came home.  Hockey is a business, Aberdeen.  I’ve known for a while he was unhappy.  But I couldn’t trade him.  I couldn’t reconsider.”

Aberdeen took a deep breath.  And there it was.  Tyson Barrie was more valuable deeply unhappy here than he was happy somewhere else.  The realization hit her like a ton of bricks.  Hockey was a business, just like Brendan said.  Despite her best intentions, good people had to make tough decisions – Brendan’s was to keep Tyson on the team.  Brendan wanted to win more than anything, and he still thought he could do that with Tyson.

“But I was very, very impressed, by how intently you tried to warn me,” Brendan continued, finally looking at her.  Aberdeen found it hard to meet his eye, not showing any emotion on her face.  “I never thought I would say this, Aberdeen, but I really…I see a great deal of myself in you.  You can see beyond what people want and what they need…and you can choose for yourself.”

Aberdeen shook her head slightly.  “I don’t think I’m like that.  I – I could do what you just did to Tyson.  I couldn’t do something like that.”

“Hmph…but you already did,” Brendan said.  “To Peter.”

Aberdeen’s eyes bulged out dramatically.  “That’s not what I – no, that was different.  I didn’t have a choice.”

“Oh no no no, you chose,” Brendan said sternly.  “You chose to get ahead.  You want to be successful in this life, those choices are necessary.”

Aberdeen felt like she was about to cry.  She could feel her cheeks redden.  “But what if this isn’t what I want?  I mean, what if I don’t want to live the way you live or be in a career the way you conduct your career?  Not caring about people’s happiness and only caring about success.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Aberdeen.  Everybody wants this.  Everybody wants to be successful.  Even writers.”

Aberdeen hadn’t even noticed Lou had stopped the car because they’d arrive at the airport.  She could only watch as the door unlocked and Brendan slipped on his sunglasses for the bright winter sun, getting out of the car and walking back to the trunk to get his suitcase.  Aberdeen took a minute to process everything.  What Brendan had just said.  What he revealed to her.  

Dumb.  She was so dumb.  And she still had so much to learn.  

Aberdeen was quiet as she walked into the airport with Brendan.  She was quiet as they checked in, quiet as they walked to their private hangar, quiet as she saw some of the boys and quiet as she plopped down into a seat, stuffing her headphones into her ears.  She knew she should be thankful to be spending her 22nd birthday in Florida, but now, all she could think about was the conversation she’d just had with Brendan.  Even William arriving almost didn’t even register with her.

She napped on the plane, not wanting to deal with hockey for at least an hour of her day.  

***

The hotel was taking too long to get the key cards and reservations sorted for everyone.  Aberdeen tried not to huff and puff, but she was tired.  She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to out for dinner.  After the stress of the last two days, and especially today, she just wanted to get under the covers of her bed and sleep.  Sleep would make her happy again.  More than anything, she wanted to be in a good mood for her birthday tomorrow, even if she was working.

“Ab-er-deeeeeeeen Blooooooooom,” the way-too-perky helper called out her name.  Aberdeen approached her and got her room key, mumbling a thank you.  She was on the 5th floor.  

Auston had followed behind her, grabbing his as well.  When they rejoined the loosely assembled group, he took a look at her.  “You look really tired, Aberdeen,” he commented.

She glared at him.  She couldn’t believe the audacity of him.  She’d just been up for almost two days straight because of the stupid trade deadline.  Lucky for him that he didn’t have to work the last two days.  And lucky for him that he didn’t have to worry about being traded like most of the other guys on the team.  He could at least sleep at night knowing he wasn’t going to be traded for the next five years.  “You can just say I look like shit, you know,” she deadpanned.  

Auston’s eyes bulged out.  “No no no—I didn’t mean—”

“Whatever, Auston,” she grumbled, shaking her head.  “I know I look like shit, alright?  I don’t need you to tell me.”

“Aberdeen, I didn’t mean it like that at all—”

“It’s fine,” she shook her head again, grabbing her suitcase and dragging it behind her as she stomped away from him.  She didn’t have time for his excuses or for him trying to cover up his tracks.  She practically punched the elevator button so she could go up to her room before everybody else.  Screw waiting for everyone.  

She was barely able to unpack her toiletries into her washroom before the first text came through on her phone.  Of course, it was William.

saw u stomping away what happened?

She wasn’t exactly going to tell him what Auston said because God knows what he would do.

I’m just tired Willy.  I’ve practically been up for 48 hours.

but u need to eat

I’ll order room service, but I’m not going out for dinner.

She left it at that.  She heard her phone buzz a few times afterwards but she made a conscious decision not to answer it.  She needed to be alone with her thoughts instead.  She didn’t need to be around Auston telling her she looked tired.  She didn’t need to be around Willy who would be staring at her all night.  She didn’t need to be around Mitch and his hyperactive puppy personality.  She didn’t need to be around Tyson who was probably sulking at the fact that he wasn’t trad—

A knock.

She took her sweet time going to open it.  When she did, she was greeted with Jason Spezza and Jake Muzzin on the other side.  She almost wanted to shut the door in their face but knew that would be the rudest thing she’d ever done.  “We’re going for tacos.  You in?”

“No.”

It was actually Jake who looked more taken aback by her statement than Jason.  She figured it was because Jason knew better.  “No to tacos?  I think that’s the first time in my life I’ve ever heard anyone say no to tacos.”

Aberdeen cracked a half smile.  “Have fun guys, but I’m exhausted.  I’ve been up for like two days because of the deadline.”

“That’s all the more reason for you to get a healthy meal in,” Jake pressed.  

Before she could politely decline again, she saw two figures out of the corner of her eye walking down the hallway towards them.  One was William – she could figure him out from miles away just by how his hair looked – but once the other came into focus, a lump formed in her throat.  Tyson was with him.  

“We goin’ for tacos or what?” Tyson asked.  There was a smile on his face.  A fake one for sure, Aberdeen thought, all things considering.

And then it happened.  She felt the blood and emotion rush to her cheeks, and she felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and responsibility for the man that was standing in front of her right now.  She’d tried to help him and her attempt failed.  And in that attempt to help, she betrayed him.  She couldn’t even look him in the eye.  “Please, just go,” she shook her head.  

“What?  What’s going on?” Jake looked in between Tyson and Aberdeen.

“Will you guys just leave me alone?” she pleaded, her voice strained as she felt tears well in her eyes.  “Please.  I’m so tired and I’m so—”

“Inside your room, now,” Jason pointed to her bed, not even waiting for her to make the first move, and instead just walking in himself.  Everybody followed – everybody except William – who took his spot leaning on the doorway so he wasn’t actually in her room.  But he was watching.  And every muscle in his body wanted to walk in with everyone.

“What’s going on?” Jason asked softly.  “What’s the real issue here?”

Aberdeen shook her head.  She still couldn’t look Tyson in the eye, but when she could, she almost broke down.  It took every ounce of strength in her not to burst out crying and maintain some type of composure.  “I’m so sorry.  I tried, I really tried—” she began.

“Tried what?” Tyson asked.

She hesitated.  “Listen, I know – I’ll understand if you hate me forever because of this – I know you told me not to tell Brendan what I heard Emma say in the car, but I couldn’t help it,” she began.  Tyson’s face visibly softened.  “I thought that maybe if I told him he’d actually deal you out, and you could be—you could be happy again, you know, or at least somewhere where—”

“Aberdeen—”

“—but he couldn’t, and he didn’t, and I just feel horrible for betraying you by telling him and I feel so responsible now for everything that happened and I can’t live with myself—”

“—Aberdeen, are you apologizing right now because I wasn’t traded?” Tyson asked.  Aberdeen didn’t respond.  “Aberdeen, come on.  You’re not the general manager or the president.”

“But I could have helped—”

“No, you couldn’t have,” he shook his head.  Though his words were short there was a softness and a sentimentality in his voice, even a hint of surprise that she’d even go so far as to feel responsible for not being able to deal him to another team.  He understood what she was getting at, understood why she was mad and was feeling this way, but ultimately, he was shocked that she was getting so emotional over it.  “You’re not responsible for that sort of stuff, Aberdeen.  I know you were trying to help, and I thank you for that, but the responsibility of what happens on trade deadline day falls on absolutely nobody in this room, not least the personal assistant to the president.”

She sniffled slightly.  “I just thought that if I told him he’d be more inclined—”

“It doesn’t work that way,” he shook his head, looking her in the eye.  “But thanks.  I appreciate what you did in its own way.  Just remember that it’s not your job to write the narrative.”

He was telling that to an aspiring writer.  Go figure.  But Aberdeen took in the words, really took them to heart, as she nodded her head quickly.  “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.  And I don’t hate you,” Tyson said.  “I see where you’re coming from.  Just maybe don’t try to do it again.”

She let out the slightest of chuckles.  “Yeah, I think that’s best.”

“William?  What are you doing in Aberdeen’s room?”

Everybody whipped their heads towards the doorway to see Brendan Shanahan peeking in.  Aberdeen thanked the fucking Lord (and would probably pray the entire rosary tonight) over the fact that she was able to control her emotions and not cry during the interaction, and also that two of the men currently in her room were married with children and the other had a serious girlfriend or else it would all look very suspicious.  Brendan took a few steps in and saw Jason, Jake, and Tyson.  He didn’t look suspicious, but he didn’t exactly look happy.  He had a neutral look Aberdeen couldn’t make out.  “I’m not sure if I like four of you in Aberdeen’s room like this,” he said.  

“That’s my fault,” Jake piped up immediately.  “I was forcing her to come out to eat with us.  I was making sure she had at least something to eat since she kept saying no.  Tys and Spezz followed to make sure, too.”

Brendan’s look became much more neutral at Jake’s words.  “Hmm…I get it.  Healthy meals and all.  But she can order room service if she doesn’t want to go out.  She’s been up for the past two days almost.”

Jake smiled.  “Her words exactly.  We were literally just on our way out.”

“Have fun boys,” he said, dismissing them.  “And I’ll see you tomorrow, Aberdeen.”

She nodded.  Everybody filed out of her room, each one of the giving her one last look before leaving.  William was last, of course, letting his look linger for longer than the rest before letting the door close behind him.  She let out a deep breath.

love how that was the closest we’ve ever been to getting caught and i wasn’t even in ur room

The text came from William not even two minutes after he left.  Leave it to him to make light of it, she thought.  But it was the following text that got her thinking.

can u tell how the boys wouldn’t say a word now?

[hydraulicfluidinmyteapot]

Pirates of the Caribbean

This is an ask from @shrigma-male​, but i accidentally deleted the ask.. so sorry! I am high key excited to get an ask about this topic, as the Pirates of the Caribbean ride is probably one of my earliest animatronic centric obsessions. not only is it one of the earliest and most impressive feats of Imagineering, it also remains solid to this day. it houses a great many iconic animatronic figurines, all of which work together in perfect harmony to capture beautifully life filled scenes of a cohesive storyline. Its individual ride concept was so strong that it birthed a line of clones and even a famous movie franchise. isn’t that sick? a RIDE was the key source material for a whole movie series! but it’s unsurprising, with the time and care poured into the ride. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you think about it, the ride is JAM PACKED so there is a LOT to talk about. This will only be a super brief post information-wise, but who knows? There may be more to come if this performs well. Apologies, my life’s not going great at the moment and i don’t have a lot of spare time so this is not as high a quality as i would like it to be.

Here’s my fast fact file on it!

Debut: March 16, 1967

Withdrawal: All rides are still operating

Attraction: The Pirates of the Caribbean 

Locations: Disneyland, Magic Kingdom, Tokyo Disneyland, Disneyland Paris, Shanghai Disney (but this one’s heavily modified)

Attraction Type: Dark ride

Riders Per Vehicle: 23–24

Number of vehicles:  50

Animatronics: 119 ish but it depends on the ride version

Ride videos: The entire ride varies from version to version and different people want to see different parts. i’m leaving you guys to find your own ride videos. it’s a very popular ride, just type on in to youtube and you’ll find heaps of nice high quality ones. 

The thing that stands out about this ride is the theming and the sheer amount of effort put in to creating an immersive environment. the ride houses an impressive 119 audio animatronics, 53 of which are animals. There are 630,000 gallons of water in the ride (original Disneyland) and takes three whole days to drain. there are over 40,000 gold coins in the treasure room scene alone. It holds what could possibly be considered Disney’s first themed restaurant which can be seen at the start of the ride. It is objectively one of the coolest things I’ve ever ridden. I want to call specific attention to the boat scene, where cannons fare at each other from opposite ships, creating glowing impacts and throwing water about. the first time I rode it it ensnared my attention and completely suspended my disbelief.The ride system is based on the one used in it’s a small world, due to that rides incredible success in debuting a boat-based transport system. Although I hate it’s a small world with a burning passion and refuse to write anything on it, I must be forced to admit that it did wonders as a test on how to create a good dark ride, emphasising key features such as a high rider capacity, boat-based transport system, and proving that animatronics are an incredibly attractive key event. Since the 60’s when it debuted, the Pirates of the Caribbean ride has gone through many changes throughout its location, including entire scenes being added and removed. but what it has maintained throughout its historic run time is its notoriety and splendour. the key change that I will bring up is the 2006 and 2007 renovations that include more theming from the very successful movie franchise. slightly unrelated, but the song “Yo ho, a pirate’s life for me” was actually first written for the ride. The rides are all being constantly updated in minor ways whether it’s slightly improving the animatronics, touching up background details or changing costuming. I’ll attach here a brief sort of timeline of the ride that I’ve whipped up here, but it only touches on the most notable modifications. sorry about how crap-tier it is..

Now, to talk more specifically about animatronics. The animatronics used on this ride are some of the earliest made by Disney. some are really quite basic, with their full range of motions being a singular full body action such as raising and lowering out of a barrel, but others move heads and arms in (sort of) lifelike actions. Some are newer, (specifically captain Jack Sparrow), but most are the original ones from the 60’s. One of my (and everyone’s tbh) favourites is the redheaded lady. She is (very originally) named Redd. Previously she was being sold off for auction, but in 2018 she was swapped to being an auctioneer. She has stunning red curls and a beautiful dress to match, and now holds a gun. here’s a little before and after.

 in the same refurbishment that changed her the mist screen in the tunnel before the fort battle was removed and replaced with a pirate in a cage who turns into a skeleton via an optical trick as well as an octopus playing with some medallions, along with the original 1967 narration about cursed treasure being restored. Her new version is based off none other than Anne Bonny herself (worth a google, she’s a fucking BOSS (like seriously!! Queer history icon!!! LOOK 👏 HER 👏 UP 👏 )) . She’s also displayed in dead man’s cove in a portrait, which I think is kinda neat. Her Paris version is completely silent, but the others yell about selling rum. Sadly I have never actually seen the new Redd in person, as I have only ridden the ride in Tokyo (where she is still being sold).

Now, the barker bird! oh how I love him so <3 he’s a little green pirate parrot, who spent his days crying about the ride. he was originally in the queue area but got kicked outside eventually to help deal with crowd control. he was then gotten rid of in 2006 in the big movie refurb. He was remarkably similar to the original barker bird who resided outside of the Enchanted Tikki Room; however, the pirate version has a peg leg, eye patch, tattoo on his chest and wondrously villainous hat. he was originally based off of Captain Flint, the parrot from Treasure Island. It is theorised that he has a skeletal clone inside the ride; the parrot belonging to “the Dirty Feet pirate”. 

When you first get on the ride, the first animatronic you come across is Old Joe. he is an animatronic character used in multiple different attractions, including Liberty Belle Riverboat, The Western River and Mark Twain Riverboat. in each version, he lives in a shack and is associated with the banjo. I say associated because it is actually a really common misconception that he actually plays the banjo. he does not, it is just a dark scene and there is banjo music playing around him. you can see the tip of his pipe glowing as you approach it in the ride, lit up alongside the fireflies. he is a small taste of what is to come.

Barbossa replaced the original pirate captain of The Wicked Wench in the boat battle scene in the mass movie renovation. he is my tied favourite with the redhead, as his dialog adds so much to the scene. his character moves in a beautiful fashion, lit up by a spotlight. His face is artfully painted, capturing what I believe to be the most human expression in the entire ride. His boat is fighting a Castillo del Morro fortress of Isla Tesoro, whilst busy searching for treasure and presumably captain jack sparrow. in 2011 his WDW version’s outfit was swapped over to his privateer uniform from On Stranger Tides, to keep the ride tied to the movies. What can be considered quite odd is that in Paris’s later renovation, the Captain did not replace the Wicked Wench captain, and was rather added in to a scene at the end of the ride, in the skeleton grotto. he is standing on the shipwreck beside the skeleton helmsman, carrying a lantern. 

The auctioneer. I don’t like him. greasy man. his eyes are wild. He’s originally voiced by Paul Frees (an icon, a legend) and is inspired by Captain Bartholomew Roberts (considered the most successful pirate in the golden age of piracy. He is also a pirate from the ship The Wicked Wench, and his auction is set up near a canteen called "La Cantina”. very creative. He was originally selling brides (human trafficking, not very snazzy) but now he sells chickens he stole from townspeople. however, this is unsuccessful. In the Paris version, instead of the chickens he is trying to sell a painting of Jean Laffite. Funnily enough, Jean is one of Disney’s sort of “stand in” pirate characters that they frequently just use whenever they need a pirate to slide in. Unfortunately, the auctioneer is always kept relatively up to date with the shiniest, newest technology that Disney can spare, and is always one of the most advanced figures on the ride. doesn’t deserve it, he’s slimy and I don’t like him. I should probably mention that he doesn’t actually have a name other than the auctioneer. There’s also a clone of him used in the haunted mansion for the duelling animatronics. loser. 

This is a very long post, so I shall cut it here. I will leave you with an image gallery, further reading and a possible promise of a part two if this post does well. Thank you!

(ok so i actually haven’t got any further reading gathered yet. give me like 6 hours and ill fix it in an edit. i promise. i just want to get this post out asap)

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp This is...Books. Lots and Lots of Books

That gif is something of a lie. Some of these books were not great. But! Some of them were very good! And some of them were marketed weird — seriously, what does qualify as YA — and some of them I read in, like, six hours and some of them I raged about for six hours after I finished them.

Or: 2020!Laura reverted to 2004!Laura and read just a lot of books and then her husband got her a Kindle and she read even more books and has thoughts on most of those books that she is now going to share with the internet while also making absurd category names. Note that these are only books I read for the first time this year. So, the list is missing some of the stuff I used as coping devices. ALSO SOME SPOILERS AHEAD, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

FAVORITE BOOKS THAT MADE A SHITTY YEAR SLIGHTLY BETTER AND ALSO LIKELY MADE ME SWOON A BIT

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

When nineteen-year-old huntress Feyre kills a wolf in the woods, a terrifying creature arrives to demand retribution. Dragged to a treacherous magical land she knows about only from legends, Feyre discovers that her captor is not truly a beast, but one of the lethal, immortal faeries who once ruled her world.

At least, he's not a beast all the time.

As she adapts to her new home, her feelings for the faerie, Tamlin, transform from icy hostility into a fiery passion that burns through every lie she's been told about the beautiful, dangerous world of the Fae. But something is not right in the faerie lands. An ancient, wicked shadow is growing, and Feyre must find a way to stop it, or doom Tamlin-and his world-forever.

— I kid you not, I had to do a lap around the apartment after reading the second book in this series. Why didn’t I read this before? Why isn’t there more fic? Why I am constantly falling for dark-haired sad dudes in love with their wives??? I cannot rec this series enough. It’s got world building and found families, and that dark-haired sad dude, and magic and lore and banter, and it’s so good and I don’t understand why it was marketed as YA. The literary world is weird, guys.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians (and the Heroes of Olympus) by Rick Riordan

Accompany the son of the sea god Poseidon and his other demigod friends as they go on a series of quests that will have them facing monsters, gods, and conniving figures from Greek mythology. Do they have what it takes to save the Olympians from an ancient enemy?

— Straight up, how did you guys cope with Percy and Annabeth when you were kids reading this? I would have been OBSESSED. Quarantine felt like the perfect time to finally read all of these books, and I know it’s sacrilegious to like Heroes of Olympus, but I might have liked parts of that series more? Just because it felt like they were older and I was super into Percabeth being properly in love. Also, now I get why everyone was so upset about the movies. Fair.

The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer

Humans and androids crowd the raucous streets of New Beijing. A deadly plague ravages the population. From space, a ruthless lunar people watch, waiting to make their move. No one knows that Earth's fate hinges on one girl. . . .Cinder, a gifted mechanic, is a cyborg. She's a second-class citizen with a mysterious past, reviled by her stepmother and blamed for her stepsister's illness. But when her life becomes intertwined with the handsome Prince Kai's, she suddenly finds herself at the center of an intergalactic struggle, and a forbidden attraction. Caught between duty and freedom, loyalty and betrayal, she must uncover secrets about her past in order to protect her world's future.

— Yet another YA series that I will admit to loving this year. Started off a little slow, but once the world building really got underway —and it gets underway — I was hooked. If I had read this at an age-appropriate time I would have been super in love Captain Carswell Thorne. I was still kind of in love with Captan Carswell Thorne. So it should come as no surprise that Cress was my favorite of the series, but I enjoyed the whole thing, really.

Serpent & Dove by Shelby Mahurin

Two years ago, Louise le Blanc fled her coven and took shelter in the city of Cesarine, forsaking all magic and living off whatever she could steal. There, witches like Lou are hunted. They are feared. And they are burned.As a huntsman of the Church, Reid Diggory has lived his life by one principle: Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. But when Lou pulls a wicked stunt, the two are forced into an impossible situation—marriage.Lou, unable to ignore her growing feelings, yet powerless to change what she is, must make a choice. And love makes fools of us all.

— YO. Y O. THIS WAS SO GOOD. World building! Magic! Marriage of convenience! Well-written enemies to lovers! As soon as I finished this, I bought the sequel. And then got upset the third book in the series isn’t out yet! That’s a frustrating theme for me this year.

The Roommate by Rosie Danan

The Wheatons are infamous among the east coast elite for their lack of impulse control, except for their daughter Clara. She's the consummate socialite: over-achieving, well-mannered, predictable. But every Wheaton has their weakness. When Clara's childhood crush invites her to move cross-country, the offer is too much to resist. Unfortunately, it's also too good to be true.

After a bait-and-switch, Clara finds herself sharing a lease with a charming stranger. Josh might be a bit too perceptive—not to mention handsome—for comfort, but there's a good chance he and Clara could have survived sharing a summer sublet if she hadn't looked him up on the Internet...

Once she learns how Josh has made a name for himself, Clara realizes living with him might make her the Wheaton's most scandalous story yet. His professional prowess inspires her to take tackling the stigma against female desire into her own hands. They may not agree on much, but Josh and Clara both believe women deserve better sex. What they decide to do about it will change both of their lives, and if they're lucky, they'll help everyone else get lucky too.

— I LOVED IT. L O V E D. As I told Justin “there was more porn than I was expecting,” in that porn and the adult film industry was a legitimate plot point and not just a part of Josh’s character, but it was incredibly well written and interesting and I cared about the plot. Sometimes I also wanted to shake Clara, but that was kind of the point.

The Marriage Game by Sara Desai

After her life falls apart, recruitment consultant Layla Patel returns home to her family in San Francisco. But in the eyes of her father, who runs a Michelin starred restaurant, she can do no wrong. He would do anything to see her smile again. With the best intentions in mind, he offers her the office upstairs to start her new business and creates a profile on an online dating site to find her a man. She doesn't know he's arranged a series of blind dates until the first one comes knocking on her door...

As CEO of a corporate downsizing company Sam Mehta is more used to conflict than calm. In search of a quiet new office, he finds the perfect space above a cozy Indian restaurant that smells like home. But when communication goes awry, he's forced to share his space with the owner's beautiful yet infuriating daughter Layla, her crazy family, and a parade of hopeful suitors, all of whom threaten to disrupt his carefully ordered life.

As they face off in close quarters, the sarcasm and sparks fly. But when the battle for the office becomes a battle of the heart, Sam and Layla have to decide if this is love or just a game.

— More well-written enemies to lovers! It’s possible! Seriously, the banter was so good. The kissing was even better. Ridiculous and interfering family is one of my favorite things, and this had it in SPADES. It also made me want to eat samosas, which is kind of my base setting, but I really wanted Indian food whenever I was reading this. Also, the end scene was so goddamn cute I cannot believe it actually happened.

Recipe for Persuasion by Sonali Dev

— The one that got away is one of my favorite tropes, and this modern version of Persuasion did it so well. Everyone was annoying, but in an almost understandable way that made me ache and I just wanted them TO KISS. And then they did kiss! And it was so good! Plus, at the risk of being a little self-indulgent, it was kind of Out of the Frying Pan esque and I liked that a lot. If there is a downside: it’s how quickly the relationship starts up again, like zero to 60 in two seconds flat, and that there were a lot of POVs. Which wouldn’t have been an issue if they’d been labeled, or weren’t bouncing around the timeline randomly. Sometimes I’d have to be like—wait, who’s talking about what?

Chef Ashna Raje desperately needs a new strategy. How else can she save her beloved restaurant and prove to her estranged, overachieving mother that she isn't a complete screw up? When she's asked to join the cast of Cooking with the Stars, the latest hit reality show teaming chefs with celebrities, it seems like just the leap of faith she needs to put her restaurant back on the map. She's a chef, what's the worst that could happen?Rico Silva, that's what.Being paired with a celebrity who was her first love, the man who ghosted her at the worst possible time in her life, only proves what Ashna has always believed: leaps of faith are a recipe for disaster.FIFA winning soccer star Rico Silva isn't too happy to be paired up with Ashna either. Losing Ashna years ago almost destroyed him. The only silver lining to this bizarre situation is that he can finally prove to Ashna that he's definitely over her.But when their catastrophic first meeting goes viral, social media becomes obsessed with their chemistry. The competition on the show is fierce...and so is the simmering desire between Ashna and Rico. Every minute they spend together rekindles feelings that pull them toward their disastrous past. Will letting go again be another recipe for heartbreak—or a recipe for persuasion...?

The Good Luck Charm by Helena Hunting

Lilah isn't sure what hurt worse: the day Ethan left her to focus on his hockey career or the day he came back eight years later. He might think they can pick up just where they left off, but she's no longer that same girl and never wants to be again.

Just when Lilah might finally be ready to let Ethan in, though, she finds out their reunion might have nothing to do with love and everything to do with improving his game. But Ethan's already lost her once, and even if it costs him his career, he'll do anything to keep from losing her again.

— HOCKEY ROM COM. HOCKEY. ROM. COM. Apparently this lady is regarded as the queen of “hockey romance,” which I kind of take offense to, but will give a pass on because this was a very cute book and everyone was cute in it and I was only marginally frustrated by those same people being idiots. As is required by rom coms. Hockey, or otherwise.

A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer

Fall in love, break the curse. It once seemed so easy to Prince Rhen, the heir to Emberfall. Cursed by a powerful enchantress to repeat the autumn of his eighteenth year over and over, he knew he could be saved if a girl fell for him. But that was before he learned that at the end of each autumn, he would turn into a vicious beast hell-bent on destruction. That was before he destroyed his castle, his family, and every last shred of hope.

Nothing has ever been easy for Harper. With her father long gone, her mother dying, and her brother barely holding their family together while constantly underestimating her because of her cerebral palsy, she learned to be tough enough to survive. But when she tries to save someone else on the streets of Washington, DC, she's instead somehow sucked into Rhen's cursed world.

Break the curse, save the kingdom. A prince? A monster? A curse? Harper doesn't know where she is or what to believe. But as she spends time with Rhen in this enchanted land, she begins to understand what's at stake. And as Rhen realizes Harper is not just another girl to charm, his hope comes flooding back. But powerful forces are standing against Emberfall . . . and it will take more than a broken curse to save Harper, Rhen, and his people from utter ruin.

— Beauty and the Beast AU!!! Fantasy! Magic! Romance! I loved this, even when Rhen was being a whiny idiot. But he was also cursed, so like—fair. This dives into the politics of a cursed kingdom, puts a fun spin on the original fairy tale and also has a sequel. Which I read, and possibly enjoyed more. Only to realize the third book isn’t published yet, and then got annoyed by that.

QUESTIONABLY-GOOD FREE FANTASY BOOKS ON AMAZON

The Silver and Orchids Collection by Shari L Tapscott

What happens when a feisty adventuress, a lord looking to make his own way in the world, and a handsome sea captain set out to find Kalae’s rarest and most valuable flower?

Trouble—and lots of it.

— Snarky flirting! Adventure! Sword fights! Listen, this is not prize-winning fiction, but Lucia is a fun heroine, the rest of her adventure-seeking friends are an absolute delight and you don’t have to think too much while reading it. All four books wrap up their individual storylines, but help set up the next one and while the ending felt a little forced (and way too quick) I didn’t hate it enough to throw the Kindle across the room.

Forest of Firelight by Shari L. Tapscsott

After the sudden death of her brother, Princess Amalia is charged with what feels like an impossible task—she must choose the next king. Youthful thoughts of love are pushed aside as she accepts her fate, setting upon a quest throughout the kingdom to find a man worthy of her father’s throne.

Little does Amalia know, someone has already set his sights on her.

Rhys is a man of secrets, and his mission is simple: befriend the princess of Renove. Coax her to trust him, convince her to follow him.

Betray her when it’s time.

All goes according to plan until Rhys meets the princess. Amalia is a disaster. Never has he met someone so drawn to trouble. Never has he met someone so irritatingly likable.

He’s not allowed to fall for her.

She could never entrust him with a crown.

But, unbeknownst to them, their unlikely partnership might be the key to saving their entire world from a darkness that’s slowly creeping from the wounded earth that separates one kingdom from the next.

— FORBIDDEN LOVE! It’s good! Real good! I read this whole series (or the three books in it, so far) in a questionably short amount of time. Again, not the deepest story, and Amalia is occasionally frustratingly dumb. While Rhys is also sort of all-knowing in that fantasy hero sort of way? Y’know what I mean? Still, they banter very well, and eventually kiss even better.

LESS GOOD FANTASY BOOKS THAT PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE JUST BEEN AVAILABLE FOR FREE ON AMAZON

Ash Princess by Laura Sebastian

Theodosia was six when her country was invaded and her mother, the Fire Queen, was murdered before her eyes. On that day, the Kaiser took Theodosia's family, her land, and her name. Theo was crowned Ash Princess—a title of shame to bear in her new life as a prisoner.

For ten years Theo has been a captive in her own palace. She's endured the relentless abuse and ridicule of the Kaiser and his court. She is powerless, surviving in her new world only by burying the girl she was deep inside.

Then, one night, the Kaiser forces her to do the unthinkable. With blood on her hands and all hope of reclaiming her throne lost, she realizes that surviving is no longer enough. But she does have a weapon: her mind is sharper than any sword. And power isn't always won on the battlefield.

For ten years, the Ash Princess has seen her land pillaged and her people enslaved. That all ends here.

— I wanted to love this series. So much so that I read the whole thing. All three books. And I’m still not sure why. The world building, maybe. Which was very good, and the politics actually kept me interested, but every single character was the absolute worst and I kind of wanted them all to die. That’s not even an exaggeration. Spoiler, they didn’t all die. I was only marginally disappointed.

Daughter of the Pirate King by Tricia Levenseller

When the ruthless Pirate King learns of a legendary treasure map hidden on an enemy ship, his daughter, Alosa, knows that there's only one pirate for the job—herself. Leaving behind her beloved ship and crew, Alosa deliberately facilitates her own kidnapping to ensure her passage on the enemy ship. After all, who's going to suspect a seventeen-year-old girl locked in a cell?Then she meets the (surprisingly perceptive and unfairly attractive) first mate, Riden, who is charged with finding out all her secrets. Now it's down to a battle of wits and will... Can Alosa find the map and escape before Riden figures out her plan?

— Alosa was kind of the worst? Like, STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER who had to keep reminding you how strong she was because she would kill anyone, and had an all female pirate crew. And the whole time I was just like, ok...cool. Still, I read the sequel too and that was slightly better.

The Shadows Between Us by Tricia Levenseller

Alessandra is tired of being overlooked, but she has a plan to gain power:

1) Woo the Shadow King.

2) Marry him.

3) Kill him and take his kingdom for herself.

No one knows the extent of the freshly crowned Shadow King's power. Some say he can command the shadows that swirl around him to do his bidding. Others say they speak to him, whispering the thoughts of his enemies. Regardless, Alessandra knows what she deserves, and she's going to do everything within her power to get it.

But Alessandra's not the only one trying to kill the king. As attempts on his life are made, she finds herself trying to keep him alive long enough for him to make her his queen—all while struggling not to lose her heart. After all, who better for a Shadow King than a cunning, villainous queen?

— I cannot explain this book any way except to tell you it is so weird. Like, sometimes I remember I read this and all I can think is: why did this book happen? It felt like it started in the middle of the story, which is not a knock on the story itself, but mostly on the world building. Which was lacking to say the least. Also the resolution was super rushed and even more weird and I was like—why does he like her??? I still don’t know, honestly.

The Stars We Steal by Alexa Donne

Engagement season is in the air. Eighteen-year-old Princess Leonie "Leo" Kolburg, heir to a faded European spaceship, has only one thing on her mind: which lucky bachelor can save her family from financial ruin?

But when Leo's childhood friend and first love, Elliot, returns as the captain of a successful whiskey ship, everything changes. Elliot was the one who got away, the boy Leo's family deemed to be unsuitable for marriage. Now he's the biggest catch of the season and he seems determined to make Leo's life miserable. But old habits die hard, and as Leo navigates the glittering balls of the Valg Season, she finds herself falling for her first love in a game of love, lies, and past regrets.

— Another book whose lack of world building hurt it. Stuff just happened, and we were expected to understand it and be into it and I was neither. I had no reason to care about anyone in this book, especially Elliot who seemed like an asshole.

To Kill a Kingdom by Alexandra Christo

Princess Lira is siren royalty and the most lethal of them all. With the hearts of seventeen princes in her collection, she is revered across the sea. Until a twist of fate forces her to kill one of her own. To punish her daughter, the Sea Queen transforms Lira into the one thing they loathe most—a human. Robbed of her song, Lira has until the winter solstice to deliver Prince Elian's heart to the Sea Queen and or remain a human forever.The ocean is the only place Prince Elian calls home, even though he is heir to the most powerful kingdom in the world. Hunting sirens is more than an unsavory hobby—it's his calling. When he rescues a drowning woman in the ocean, she's more than what she appears. She promises to help him find the key to destroying all of sirenkind for good—But can he trust her? And just how many deals will Elian have to barter to eliminate mankind's greatest enemy?

— This book did not go the way I thought it was going to. Not a bad thing, but also not the best and the ending was...bleh. The middle, though? That was legit, and the action was good. I am always a fan of sword fights. Still, there was something that left me waiting for the final push towards great and it just never really came.

ROM-COMS WITH ONLY PASSABLY FRUSTRATING PLOTS AND GOOD KISSING

Party of Two by Jasmine Guillory

Dating is the last thing on Olivia Monroe's mind when she moves to LA to start her own law firm. But when she meets a gorgeous man at a hotel bar and they spend the entire night flirting, she discovers too late that he is none other than hotshot junior senator Max Powell. Olivia has zero interest in dating a politician, but when a cake arrives at her office with the cutest message, she can't resist—it is chocolate cake, after all.

Olivia is surprised to find that Max is sweet, funny, and noble—not just some privileged white politician, as she assumed him to be. Because of Max's high-profile job, they start seeing each other secretly, which leads to clandestine dates and silly disguises. But when they finally go public, the intense media scrutiny means people are now digging up her rocky past and criticizing her job, even her suitability as a trophy girlfriend. Olivia knows what she has with Max is something special, but is it strong enough to survive the heat of the spotlight?

— It was cute. Max was occasionally an idiot. The kissing was legit. Most of their problems could have very easily been solved, but that’s kind of this genre’s schtick.

The Worst Best Man by Mia Sosa

A wedding planner left at the altar? Yeah, the irony isn't lost on Carolina Santos, either. But despite that embarrassing blip from her past, Lina's offered an opportunity that could change her life. There's just one hitch... she has to collaborate with the best (make that worst) man from her own failed nuptials. Marketing expert Max Hartley is determined to make his mark with a coveted hotel client looking to expand its brand. Then he learns he'll be working with his brother's whip-smart, stunning—absolutely off-limits—ex-fiancée. And she loathes him.If they can nail their presentation without killing each other, they'll both come out ahead. Except Max has been public enemy number one ever since he encouraged his brother to jilt the bride, and Lina's ready to dish out a little payback of her own.Soon Lina and Max discover animosity may not be the only emotion creating sparks between them. Still, this star-crossed couple can never be more than temporary playmates because Lina isn't interested in falling in love and Max refuses to play runner-up to his brother ever again...

— Once you got past the hooking up with your ex’s brother thing, it was cute. Max was endearing in an earnest sort of way, even when Lina was STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER in a cliche sort of way. More solid kissing. Side note, why are so many rom com dudes named Max? Does it sound hip? Passably cool, but also approachable? Discuss. 

Not that Kind of Guy by Andie J. Christopher

State attorney Bridget Nolan is successful in all aspects of her life—except romance. After breaking up with her longtime boyfriend, she's been slow to reenter the dating scene. To be honest, she has more important things to do like putting bad guys behind bars. But with her brother's wedding right around the corner, she suddenly needs a date and fast. Lucky for Bridget, the legal intern is almost done with his program.

Matt Kido is dumbstruck by Bridget—total love at first sight—but there's one problem. She's totally off-limits while she's his boss. But the moment he no longer reports to her, Matt asks her on a date. An impulsive decision takes them to Las Vegas where, as the saying goes, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Unless you put a ring on it.

— Having written the “wake up in Vegas married” trope before, I know it’s difficult to do right. Consent’s a thing, y’know? And stuff gets dicy with forgotten memories, and all that, but mostly what kept me from truly loving this book was the intern thing. Don’t date your interns guys, it’s weird and off-putting. Literally if he’d just been a junior partner, or a visiting partner or something else I would have been all in.

Meet Cute by Helena Hunting

Kailyn Flowers was always calm, rational, and controlled—until she ended up sprawled all over Daxton Hughes, the former actor she totally crushed on as a teenager. Then she did the unthinkable: She became a mortifying fangirl in five seconds flat, which may or may not have included professing her undying love. And oddly, he didn't run away. In fact, their meet cute led to a friendship she never saw coming. Of course, she never saw his betrayal coming, either...Now Dax needs her help. As guardian to his thirteen-year-old sister, he's in way over his head. And though Kailyn hasn't forgiven Dax, she isn't heartless enough to make him fend for himself, either. Soon their friendly meetings turn into flirty dinner dates, and Kailyn can feel their chemistry is as explosive as ever. But how can she possibly let down her guard again to a guy who has heartbreak written all over him?

— Once again here for the one that got away trope, even if this comes with dead parents and some sad storylines. It still managed to be cute. Everyone was cute in it. Occasionally Daxton was a dick. As rom com male leads are apt to be.

If I Never Met You by Mhairi McFarlane

If faking love is this easy... how do you know when it's real?When her partner of over a decade suddenly ends things, Laurie is left reeling—not only because they work at the same law firm and she has to see him every day. Her once perfect life is in shambles and the thought of dating again in the age of Tinder is nothing short of horrifying. When news of her ex's pregnant girlfriend hits the office grapevine, taking the humiliation lying down is not an option. Then a chance encounter in a broken-down elevator with the office playboy opens up a new possibility.Jamie Carter doesn't believe in love, but he needs a respectable, steady girlfriend to impress their bosses. Laurie wants a hot new man to give the rumor mill something else to talk about. It's the perfect proposition: a fauxmance played out on social media, with strategically staged photographs and a specific end date in mind. With the plan hatched, Laurie and Jamie begin to flaunt their new couple status, to the astonishment—and jealousy—of their friends and colleagues. But there's a fine line between pretending to be in love and actually falling for your charming, handsome fake boyfriend...

— FAKE DATING THAT LEADS TO REAL FEELINGS. The ex-boyfriend was an assssss, the fake boyfriend was charming, everything was good AND THEN WE GOT TO THE END. Which felt more than a little rushed, unexpected and not really in line with the rest of the book?? Give ‘em a slightly better, in-character ending, and I would have been sold.

BOOKS THAT I WAS LIKE...EH, OK

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. Within the black-and-white striped canvas tents is an utterly unique experience full of breathtaking amazements. It is called Le Cirque des Rêves, and it is only open at night.

But behind the scenes, a fierce competition is underway: a duel between two young magicians, Celia and Marco, who have been trained since childhood expressly for this purpose by their mercurial instructors. Unbeknownst to them both, this is a game in which only one can be left standing. Despite the high stakes, Celia and Marco soon tumble headfirst into love, setting off a domino effect of dangerous consequences, and leaving the lives of everyone, from the performers to the patrons, hanging in the balance.

— I think this book was too smart for me. The prose was gorgeous, and the whole thing was very pretty and I definitely swooned when Marco said he wished for Celia. And yet. By the end I was like...eh, ok. Maybe it was the timeline? Jumping around, or how little dialogue there was. I wanted to like it all so badly, and I’m just not sure I did.

Acting on Impulse by Mia Sosa

After a very public breakup with a media-hungry politician, fitness trainer Tori Alvarez escapes to Aruba for rest, relaxation, and copious amounts of sex on the beach—the cocktail, that is. She vows to keep her vacation a man-free zone but when a cute guy is seated next to her on the plane, Tori can't resist a little harmless flirting.Hollywood heartthrob Carter Stone underwent a dramatic physical transformation for his latest role and it's clear his stunning seat mate doesn't recognize the man beneath the shaggy beard and extra lean frame. Now Carter needs help rebuilding his buff physique and Tori is perfect for the job. It doesn't hurt that she makes his pulse pound in more ways than one.Sparks are flying, until a pesky paparazzo reveals Carter's identity. Tori is hurt and pissed. She wants nothing to do with another man in the limelight, but she's still got to whip him into shape. Can Carter convince Tori he's worth the threat to her privacy that comes with dating a famous actor, or will Tori chisel him down to nothing before he even gets the chance?

— Dudes have gotta stop lying about who they are. It’s not a great trope. Other than that, the kissing was good. The romance was like...eh. I honestly don’t remember much else.

Twice in a Blue Moon by Christina Lauren

During a whirlwind two-week vacation abroad, Sam and Tate fell for each other in only the way that first loves do: sharing all of their hopes, dreams, and deepest secrets along the way. Sam was the first, and only, person that Tate—the long-lost daughter of one of the world's biggest film stars—ever revealed her identity to. So when it became clear her trust was misplaced, her world shattered for good.

Fourteen years later, Tate, now an up-and-coming actress, only thinks about her first love every once in a blue moon. When she steps onto the set of her first big break, he's the last person she expects to see. Yet here Sam is, the same charming, confident man she knew, but even more alluring than she remembered. Forced to confront the man who betrayed her, Tate must ask herself if it's possible to do the wrong thing for the right reason... and whether "once in a lifetime" can come around twice.

— This book was...weird. The early romance was wonderful and delightful, but then shit hit the fan and Sam and Tate are adults and...weird. Like, I cannot come up with another word for it. Also, they didn’t really talk much? As adults? Working on the same movie set? W e i r d.

I Owe You One by Sophie Kinsella

Fixie Farr has always lived by her father’s motto: “Family first.” And since her dad passed away, leaving his charming housewares store in the hands of his wife and children, Fixie spends all her time picking up the slack from her siblings instead of striking out on her own. The way Fixie sees it, if she doesn’t take care of her father’s legacy, who will?

It’s simply not in Fixie’s nature to say no to people. So when a handsome stranger in a coffee shop asks her to watch his laptop for a moment, she not only agrees—she ends up saving it from certain disaster. To thank Fixie for her quick thinking, the computer’s owner, Sebastian, an investment manager, scribbles an IOU on a coffee sleeve and attaches his business card. Fixie laughs it off—she’d never actually claim an IOU from a stranger. Would she?

But then Fixie’s childhood crush, Ryan, comes back into her life, and his lack of a profession pushes all of Fixie’s buttons. As always, she wants nothing for herself—but she’d love Seb to give Ryan a job. No sooner has Seb agreed than the tables are turned once more and a new series of IOUs between Seb and Fixie—from small favors to life-changing moments—ensues. Soon Fixie, Ms. Fixit for everyone else, is torn between her family and the life she really wants. Does she have the courage to take a stand? Will she finally grab the life, and love, she really wants?

— Let’s be upfront, I’ve read a lot of Sophie Kinsella in my life, and more often than not I enjoy what she writes. I mostly did here. It was a book. With obvious rom com problems, that could have very easily been solved, but it wasn’t horrible. So, that was good, I guess.

The Wedding Party by Jasmine Guillory

Maddie and Theo have two things in common:

1. Alexa is their best friend

2. They hate each other

After an "oops, we made a mistake" night together, neither one can stop thinking about the other. With Alexa's wedding rapidly approaching, Maddie and Theo both share bridal party responsibilities that require more interaction with each other than they're comfortable with. Underneath the sharp barbs they toss at each other is a simmering attraction that won't fade. It builds until they find themselves sneaking off together to release some tension when Alexa isn't looking, agreeing they would end it once the wedding is over. When it's suddenly pushed up and they only have a few months left of secret rendezvouses, they find themselves regretting that the end is near. Two people this different can't possibly have a connection other than the purely physical, right?

But as with any engagement with a nemesis, there are unspoken rules that must be abided by. First and foremost, don't fall in love.

— Eh, this book happened. I still have no idea why they couldn’t be together from the get. Obstacles for the sake of plot, I guess. Also political side stories? I don’t know, guys.

WEIRD POST-ENDING FEELINGS WERE INDUCED

Beach Read by Emily Henry

Augustus Everett is an acclaimed author of literary fiction. January Andrews writes bestselling romance. When she pens a happily ever after, he kills off his entire cast.

They're polar opposites.

In fact, the only thing they have in common is that for the next three months, they're living in neighboring beach houses, broke, and bogged down with writer's block.

Until, one hazy evening, one thing leads to another and they strike a deal designed to force them out of their creative ruts: Augustus will spend the summer writing something happy, and January will pen the next Great American Novel. She'll take him on field trips worthy of any rom-com montage, and he'll take her to interview surviving members of a backwoods death cult (obviously). Everyone will finish a book and no one will fall in love. Really.

— Listen, I enjoyed this a lot. For the most part. It was funny, and introspective in a way that didn’t make me want to gag too much, and I wanted to defend January’s love of love with everything in me. But, then it—ended. And it was like...all tied up with this nice little ribbon and happily ever after, and I was like...oh, ok. Part of me that it was glad it ended like that, mostly because of who I am as a person, but the rest of me was also confused that after everything January and Augustus had been through and how messy their lives were it could just get all wrapped up in this HEA.

HITTING JUST A BIT TOO CLOSE TO HOME

Spoiler Alert by Olivia Dade

Marcus Caster-Rupp has a secret. The world may know him as Aeneas, star of the biggest show on television, but fanfiction readers call him something else: Book!AeneasWouldNever. Marcus gets out his frustrations with the show through anonymous stories about the internet's favorite couple, Aeneas and Lavinia. But if anyone discovered his online persona, he'd be finished in Hollywood.April Whittier has secrets of her own. A hardcore Lavinia fan, she's long hidden her fanfic and cosplay hobbies from her "real life"—but not anymore. When she dares to post her latest costume creation on Twitter, her plus-size take goes viral. And when Marcus asks her out to spite her internet critics, truth officially becomes stranger than fanfiction. On their date, Marcus quickly realizes he wants more from April than a one-time publicity stunt. But when he discovers she's Unapologetic Lavinia Stan, his closest fandom friend, he has one more huge secret to keep from her.With love and Marcus's career on the line, can the two of them stop hiding once and for all, or will a match made in fandom end up prematurely cancelled?

— Here for plus-size heroines who get the guy and don’t have their (entire) storyline defined by their looks. Less here for the weird fandom culture, the ensuing second-hand embarrassment that came from that and the thankfulness that both Colin O’Donoghue and Bob Morley appear to be happily married so it seems very unlikely they’re writing fic about their characters under pseudonyms. Stop using Ao3 in actual published stories 2k4ever.

RAGE-INDUCING BOOKS OF ABSOLUTE FURY

The Friend Zone by Abby Jimenez

Kristen Peterson doesn't do drama, will fight to the death for her friends, and has no room in her life for guys who just don't get her. She's also keeping a big secret: facing a medically necessary procedure that will make it impossible for her to have children.Planning her best friend's wedding is bittersweet for Kristen — especially when she meets the best man, Josh Copeland. He's funny, sexy, never offended by her mile-wide streak of sarcasm, and always one chicken enchilada ahead of her hangry. Even her dog, Stuntman Mike, adores him. The only catch: Josh wants a big family someday. Kristen knows he'd be better off with someone else, but as their attraction grows, it's harder and harder to keep him at arm's length.The Friend Zone will have you laughing one moment and grabbing for tissues the next as it tackles the realities of infertility and loss with wit, heart, and a lot of sass.

— LISTEN THERE ARE SPOILERS HERE, BUT I FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THEM BECAUSE THIS BOOK IS A SECRET GUT PUNCH AND PEOPLE SHOULD BE AWARE. Not only is infertility, like, the defining theme of this book, but the BEST FRIEND DIES. Just—dies. It’s horrible. Absolutely God awful depressing. And for a second he looks like he won’t, and it’ll be fine, but then it is not and he’s just D E A D. I know, I know that sets up the sequel, but this was so goddamn heavy in an unsuspecting way that I have absolutely no intention of reading the next one.

Well Met by Jen DeLuca

Emily knew there would be strings attached when she relocated to the small town of Willow Creek, Maryland, for the summer to help her sister recover from an accident, but who could anticipate getting roped into volunteering for the local Renaissance Faire alongside her teenaged niece? Or that the irritating and inscrutable schoolteacher in charge of the volunteers would be so annoying that she finds it impossible to stop thinking about him?

The faire is Simon's family legacy and from the start he makes clear he doesn't have time for Emily's lighthearted approach to life, her oddball Shakespeare conspiracy theories, or her endless suggestions for new acts to shake things up. Yet on the faire grounds he becomes a different person, flirting freely with Emily when she's in her revealing wench's costume. But is this attraction real, or just part of the characters they're portraying?

This summer was only ever supposed to be a pit stop on the way to somewhere else for Emily, but soon she can't seem to shake the fantasy of establishing something more with Simon or a permanent home of her own in Willow Creek.

— FUCK THIS BOOK. And fuck Simon, specifically. Oh, you have a sad story? Cool, you’re still a dick. He was a dick. Listen, I know enemies to lovers is a hard trope to write, but it’s even harder to accept when those enemies just announce I LIKED YOU THE WHOLE TIME and then everyone starts ripping off their clothes. No, it’s dumb. I hate it. Apparently there’s a sequel to this book. Maybe that’s better.

Kiss My Cupcake by Helena Hunting

Blaire Calloway has planned every Instagram-worthy moment of her cupcake and cocktails shop launch down to the tiniest detail. What she didn't plan on? Ronan Knight and his old-school sports bar next door opening on the very same day. He may be super swoony, but Blaire hasn't spent years obsessing over buttercream and bourbon to have him ruin her chance at success.From axe throwing (his place) to frosting contests (hers), Blaire and Ronan are constantly trying to one-up each other in a battle to win new customers. But with every clash, there's also an undeniable chemistry. When an even bigger threat to their business comes to town, they're forced to call a temporary time-out on their own war and work together. And the more time Blaire spends getting to know the real Ronan, the more she wonders if it's possible to have her cupcake and eat it too.

— Listen, I wanted to like this one. There were plenty other Helena Hunting books on this list, so like—I don’t hate her. I just hate poorly executed enemies to lovers plot lines. Give me at least one moment where they are interested in each other aside from just being attracted to each other. Also: Stop Having Dudes Be Dicks Because Of Their Sad Backstory 2k4ever.

Don’t You Forget About Me by Mhairi McFarlane

You always remember your first love... don't you?If there's anything worse than being fired from the worst restaurant in town, it's coming home early to find your boyfriend in bed with someone else. Reeling from the humiliation of a double dumping in one day, Georgina takes the next job that comes her way—bartender in a newly opened pub. There's only one problem: it's run by the guy she fell in love with years ago. And—make that two problems—he doesn't remember her. At all. But she has fabulous friends and her signature hot pink fur coat... what more could a girl really need?Lucas McCarthy has not only grown into a broodingly handsome man, but he's also turned into an actual grown-up, with a thriving business and a dog along the way. Crossing paths with him again throws Georgina's rocky present into sharp relief—and brings a secret from her past bubbling to the surface. Only she knows what happened twelve years ago, and why she's allowed the memories to chase her ever since. But maybe it's not too late for the truth... or a second chance with the one that got away?

— HE WAS JUST PRETENDING NOT TO REMEMBER HER THE WHOLE TIME???? WHAT?? WHY??? D U M B. Dumb boys are dumb.

Not the Girl You Marry by Andie J. Christopher

Jack Nolan is a gentleman, a journalist, and unlucky in love. His viral success has pigeon-holed him as the how-to guy for a buzzy, internet media company instead of covering hard-hitting politics. Fed up with his fluffy articles and the app-based dating scene as well, he strikes a deal with his boss to write a final piece de resistance: How to Lose a Girl. Easier said than done when the girl he meets is Hannah Mayfield, and he's not sure he wants her to dump him.

Hannah is an extremely successful event planner who's focused on climbing the career ladder. Her firm is one of the most prestigious in the city, and she's determined to secure her next promotion. But Hannah has a bit of an image problem. She needs to show her boss that she has range, including planning dreaded, romantic weddings. Enter Jack. He's the perfect man to date for a couple weeks to prove to her boss that she's not scared of feelings.

Before Jack and Hannah know it, their fake relationship starts to feel all too real—and neither of them can stand to lose each other.

— This is actually the prequel to Not That Kind of Guy and I honestly can’t believe I read that after hating this book so much. They were awful to each other! Their whole relationship was based on lies! Mean lies! Horrible lies! Don’t lie to your significant other!

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

What Humans Are Doing To Pepe Le Pew, Is Added To My Semi-Misanthrope

okay I don’t think I wanted to believe it, but I’m still in the middle of watching the video this video --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUpm9M45O_s

I’m watching it on the Xbox In the living room, but I just had to pause it and sign on to tumblr to talk about my feelings. 

I was watching some movies before that,

that has a crossover of live action and animation.

I love movies that has crossovers of the real world and cartoon world.

even if Pepe comes on a bit strong to women, maybe both toon and non-toon.

he isn’t as bad as some humans in real life, who have done far worse.

and if it is true that Johnny Bravo will be next, then I will have another thing to add to my Semi-Misanthropy.

I still like humanity, just not when they do stupid and insensitive disgusting things like what they are trying to do to Pepe Le Pew.

lucky there are some humans that know better and those are the ones that I still don’t find disgusting and doing that disgusting act on Pepe.

who by the way is a TOON, not a human.

even if he and some toons like him are “human on the inside”

they are Anthropomorphic.

even if some years decades back, there were such offensive cartoons

that are known as the Banned Cartoons.

but you can’t just mix them in with toons like Pepe Le Pew or even Johnny Bravo.

if the cartoon Johnny Bravo gets hurt in anyway by those so called women,

who think they are helping women by cancelling Johnny Bravo,

their not, and Johnny Bravo might be many things, but at least he doesn’t try to “hurt” women like most attackers do in real life.

  yeah both Pepe and Bravo flirt, and kiss the toon females in their cartoons,

BUT they do not cross the line into what some disgusting humans do in real life.

so don’t go and blame those self proclaim gift to women/adorkable toon romeos, for how some humans act in real life.

  also please read this too -->  https://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/movies/pep-le-pew-scene-removed-space-jam-sequel-actor-says-n1260282

but make sure to watch the video link first.

I have it on pause right now, and I’m still watching it, and I plan to check out the other videos that talk about what is happening to Pepe Le Pew.

then after that, I might just play Bendy And The Ink Machine.

if they wanted to change Pepe, they could of had Pepe end up in some kind of scene where he sings about how he only has eyes for Penelope,

and him ending up not flirting with every pretty face after they started to meet up again, and Pepe gets the realization that he is truly in love with Penelope.

but instead of doing that, they just decide to cut him out.

my fighting for Pepe has nothing to do with my heritage,

like my 23rd Great-Grandfather Philip being from France,

and well he was a very important person back in his time.

but like I said, my fighting for Pepe has nothing to do with one of my heritages.

Pepe deserves better, he is a Toon that should have some rights,

even if he and other toons are fictional, he shouldn’t be cut out of the movie.

 and it seems Warner Bros wont have Pepe appear in anymore future projects  

even if Penelope got a restraining order on Pepe,

for him touching others without their consent, it doesn’t mean he did what most humans have done in real life.

touching, could imply the kissing and touching of the arm or hugging,

not the forbidden zone, he ain’t No Holli Would.

if we want toons to be modernize, don’t just kill them off.

in one of the Looney Tunes Shows, where that new character Tina appeared in,

who I happen to like has Daffy’s new love interest.

Speedy ran his own restaurant and even had a dance studio where he taught other people dancing, he did thought Bugs was a real lady when Bugs was in disguise.

and Pepe he was helping plan Lola and Bugs’s wedding, and he was apparently married many times himself.

yes I can agree that Pepe can be a bit forceful in his smitten affections,

as well as him not being able to take a no for a answer.

plus if you watched any re-run of his cartoons,

you will see that he gets his karma by the shoe being on the other foot,

and he becomes the scared and running away from the lovesick female cat.

so how come no one is fighting for Pepe when he ends up being the one who tries to get away from the lovesick female...?

he wasn’t the only one who locked the door so the one he was trying to chase after couldn’t escape.

if you watch one of the re-run cartoons that has that episode,

it is the female cat who locks the door so Pepe couldn’t escape.

so how come Pepe when he ends up in the shoes/place of the females he tries to win the love of (even if it is in the wrong way) he doesn’t get people who tell him it’s okay, and he isn’t the only guy who went through such a terrible thing?

I don’t believe that Looney Tunes would go so far in their show of aggressive affection.

Pepe and Johnny might be many things, like not being able to take a No,

and tend to hug or kiss gals without consent,

but they are not the “R” word.

if toons have to get modernize, they shouldn’t be hurt like how Pepe is being hurt right now.

some cartoons aren’t for kids, and it should be the parents or guardians responsibility to keep the kids from seeing mature cartoons, or some mature live action/cartoon crossover type movies with mature themes in them,

until they are the proper ages to watch them.

I also want to say that I hope that someday the Cartoon Network’s name

is changed to “Warnertoon Network” because technically the Cartoon Network is linked to Warner Bros.

there is a old short, that is even shown on Youtube,

that shows Johnny Bravo having some form of attraction to Samurai Jack.

even if it could show some form of proof that Johnny isn’t as hetero as he appears in his cartoons, and his interaction with Jack shows that he might be either bi or pan, but not realize it.

it might not truly stop Johnny being the next victim.

I am not a feminist or feminism, even if there are some positive groups that are still fighting for women and girls rights.

I rather be a part of a Androgyny side, it could still fight for Feminine.

but it can be a group for both Female, Male, Andro-Agender, Gyno-Agender, Agender, any form of Binary and Non-Binary.

yes there can still be jerk guys who still think girls are beneath them.

but a guy should only feel that way, if the said girls are being sexist jerks,

and the same goes for girls who are treated the same way, if a guy is being a sexist jerk, then try not to give them power to treat you that way.

even if I know there can be good people in this world,

like friends, family and others.

I can’t agree with what is happening with Pepe Le Pew,

I feel it is wrong and if they have to change Pepe for the modern times,

it should show in Space Jam 2 Movie, that after meeting with Penelope again,

and he finds himself not hitting on other females, because he comes to the realization that he is truly in love with her,

and doesn’t want anyone else but her.

characters do evolve and change over time,

some still stay the same but can still be a bit different.

if they did have a musical in Space Jam 2,

it would have Pepe Le Pew singing about how much he loves Penelope,

and how he no longer wants to chase any other girl

but her from now on.

even if it is still good to fight for rights for women, but Pepe isn’t a monster.

he might kiss and hug without consent, but he would NEVER cross the line.

even if some cartoon episodes might give the misinterpretation he would.

also even if I do have a Semi-Androphobia, I know that not all guys are bad or dangerous, and some can be safe to be around.

plus there can be some guys who have Gynophobia,

which could be caused by different reasons,

one of which could have to do with being a victim of unwanted forbidden zone advances.

and even Mr. Max Landis did do such a disgusting thing,

Pepe should not be some form of scapegoat, 

or be blamed for that disgusting human’s actions.

like I said, Pepe Le Pew and Johnny Bravo might be many things,

but they would NEVER cross the line,

and do what that Shisno Landis  did.

no matter what bio-sex or gender identity you are,

if you believe that Pepe is being wrong, that I hope you can agree that what is happening to him isn’t right.

Pepe might think he can flirt or hug and kiss other gals without their consent,

and think they will fall for him, but he would never do what that Shisno did.

Shisno is of course from Red Vs Blue, and is what A.I. and Robots

call Humans, or in other words, what Organics are called.

even if Tali from Mass Effect does have her positive side,

and she does end up forming some type of friendship with Legion in one of the game timelines.

when she doesn’t form a friendship with Legion or starts to finally realize

that her people did the geth wrong.

she stays a dirty dirty shisno.

at least some quarians didn’t try to destroy the geth,

and wanted to help them, those quarians that did try to help the geth,

aren’t dirty shisno. but those quarians in the past were met with a bad end when they did try to help and protect the geth.

even if I haven’t been able to beat the Mass Effect 3 yet,

I know the info from reading or watching clips about it.

I hope that someone makes a petition to save Pepe and put him back in the Space Jam 2 Movie, and maybe have Pepe realize he wants no other woman in his life but Penelope, maybe even have Penelope realize the same thing too.

I know that there is a possibility by the time the movie is fully finished,

Pepe might still be out of it, which isn’t fair and should be fixed.

Pepe is a bit aggressive in his flirting, but he isn’t a monster like some humans are in real life.

if ya want to change Pepe a bit, to make him less how he was in his older cartoons, then make it so that he at least gets a slap or takes one No for answer.

Pepe acting the way he does, could mirror how Johnny Bravo acts, but a big differently.

yes Pepe is suppose to be French, but who he is wouldn’t have to do with his heritage, he is flirty and can take his flirting in the wrong direction.

but he is not a monster who would hurt the females he tries to win the love of,

if someone says that in some non-canon work that has Pepe in it,

it would NOT be canon to the canon Pepe.

 Pepe being the way he is, would have to do with the person he is on the inside,

not because of where he comes from.

if we want to save Pepe Le Pew, then how he ends up chasing women,

can be changed a bit when he finally take the first or few signs of no,

as  sign that he needs to stop, or his flirting can be played down a bit,

so it doesn’t get misinterpreted as being something that would cross the line to the forbidden zone.

I know that not everyone will see reason or try to understand that Pepe Le Pew,

might be a bit aggressive when he falls in love, or becomes attracted to someone that he believes he is in love with, but really he might not of truly have fallen in love before.

Pepe could have have his character developed a bit more

so he doesn’t get misinterpreted as one of the dangerous men/women that are seen in real life.       

yes I am counting the women too, because there are some who are just as bad as men.

and yes as the title shows, what is happening with Pepe Le Pew,

is something that I have mentally added to my reasons to dislike humanity.

even if I still have some love for humanity,

it is what Pepe Le Pew that I just can’t stand.

if Pepe has to get rebooted to save him from the metaphorical dip,

which is because of the different reasons he is cut from the Space Jam 2 Movie, then I would be for Pepe’s character being rebooted if it saves him.

if they do reboot him a bit, but still have him be a flirt, they could make it so that he does take a No for answer, but would just do friendly flirts from time to time

but not cross the uncomfortable line.

they could even have his Nationally Changed a bit,

like him being American, but having French heritage.

I mean I am from America, but I do have French heritage,

sadly I can’t speak the language and might only know a few words.

I got a few other different heritages too...

but I strongly believe that Pepe Henri Le Pew, deserves better.

and if rebooting him saves him from being no longer used by a Warner Brothers and keeps humans from misinterpreting him, because of how he is as a person on the inside, then I am for him rebooting him if it means he can be back on the Space Jam 2 Movie.

how some people act wouldn’t have to do with where they come from,

it would have to do with the person they are on the inside.

and I hope some of you understand that and don’t misunderstand.

I want to believe there can be hope for Pepe Henri Le Pew,

that if he does end up back in the movie, those who work on the movie

will point out they will change Pepe a bit, and make it so that he doesn’t flirt the same way he had done in the past, and will fall in love in the movie and no longer have eyes on anyone but who he has fallen for.

once more Pepe should not be blamed for what some shisno guy did,

and if he is causing misunderstandings of any kind,

just reboot him and make it so he flirts but he does take a no, and even does friendly flirts without crossing the line of no touching like hugging or kisses without the consent.

consent is very important, and I still think Pepe’s old cartoon where in the end

he ends up being the one who becomes the runner while the female cat ends up chasing him, should be mention.

Pepe might be the type that is desperate for romantic love but never truly fell in love and only felt attraction.

and he just goes about it the wrong way, but if he never truly crossed the forbidden zone line, that would mean that Pepe would have some form of

Moral Compass where he knows there are some actions he would not take to try to win the heart of those he chases.

he might cross the line of hugging and kissing and unwanted cuddles,

but I don’t believe he would cross to the forbidden zone line, where it goes beyond hugs, kisses and cuddles.

Put Pepe Le Pew back in the Space Jam 2 Movie,

but make sure there is info saying that his character will be changed a bit,

to be less aggressive in his flirting, and he has learn to take No for answer,

and his flirting has transformed into friendly flirting, and he no longer kisses or hugs a woman without her consent.

I can only hope some other fans of Looney Tunes, feel the same and will speak out about it.

if they go after Fifi too, then that would be another line crossed,

yeah she can be a bit aggressive when chasing after boys,

but she does seem to have a love interest in Hampton, who likes her back.

but she wouldn’t cross the line either.

I need to grab something to eat, I’m still gonna finish watching that video.

once more even though I am Semi-Misanthrope,

I still have humans that I still care about and I know that not all humans

are the same and wouldn’t just place the blame solely on Pepe.

and I really do hope he lets back in the movie before it’s fully finished,

and his character gets changed a little bit, so he comes off as a friendly flirt

that has learn to take No for answer.

Pepe and Johnny might take their flirting over the line at times,

but they would never cross the gross and physically harmful line,

where it would cause the person to become scared of either a man or woman that did harm to them.

the sooner humans learn this, I think the better it will be for all toonkind in the cartoons we love, both in shows, movies, video games and comics.

even if they are just fictional, even those like Pepe Le Pew and Johnny Bravo,

should have some form of justice.

see ya later and stay safe everybody.

I’m gonna go grab something to eat now, and continue watching that video

that talks about Pepe Le Pew. 

[socialyawkdude]

Top 10 animes for first time viewers

Hello, my socially awkward friends,

I’m back after a much-needed vacation to bring you the content, which you crave. In recent weeks, I’ve been approached by friends and colleagues, about what amines they should watch. To say that it was a loaded question is an understatement. With the world of anime and manga being so vast, it's hard to know where to start.

After thinking it over, I’ve decided to follow suit of my supernatural top 10 and do a top 10 for anime for beginners.

Today's post will cover amines for first-time viewers. Let me start by saying that, This Is my Opinion! Please do not jump my bones because of the line-up. Now with that being said, let get this party started.

 (10) Sailor Moon/Sailor Moon Crystal

Written by Nanoko Takeuchi

Genre/subgenre: Magical girl, action, romance, shoujo, superhero

Manga original run: (December 28, 1991, to February 3, 1997)

Anime Run: Sailor Moon (1992-1993) 46 episodes

   Sailor Moon R (1993- 1994) 43 episodes

   Sailor Moon S (1994- 1995) 38 episodes

   Sailor Moon Super S (1995- 1996) 39 episode

   Sailor Moon Sailor Star (1996- 1997) 34 episodes

The series follows the adventures of the protagonist Usagi Tsukino, a middle school student who is given the power to become the titular Sailor Soldier. Joined by other Sailor Soldiers, they defend Earth against an assortment of evil villains.

 Let us start with a classic, remade for the modern-day. For quite a few of my generation, Sailor Moon was our introduction to the world of anime. I can remember watching sailor moon, in the early morning before the school bus came. Sailor Moon was the beginning of my love affair with anime.

 Now here is what I got to say on sailor moon. It is a bit wonky, timeline-wise. Sailor Moon's overall timeline can be a bit hard to follow. That is if you are going in-depth with it. As long as you stay away from the headache inducing timeline, you’ll be ok.

 (9)Bleach

Written by Tite Kubo

Genre/subgenre: Action, Adventure, Shonen, Supernatural, Comedy

Original manga run: August 7, 2001 - August 22, 2016

Original anime run: October 5, 2004 - March 27, 2012

366 episodes 

 What can I say about Bleach? It is one of my favorite anime’s of all time. It's not perfect but what is? You have a diverse cast of characters, a good story and plenty of action. In my opinion, that makes a great anime for beginners. For me, Bleach was my return to anime, after years of not watching. I think that I've watched this anime from beginning to end, one too many times. 

 I'm talking watching the U.S. airing up to the point that I had the watch in Japanese. I finished the anime a full 2 years before the finale aired in the U.S. I would highly recommend this anime to any beginners.

 (8) Restaurant to another World

Written by Junpei Inuzuku

Genre/subgenre= Fantasy, Isekai

Manga Original Run: November 18, 2016, to June 25, 2019

Anime original Run: July 3, 2017, to September 18, 2017

12 episodes

 I was recommended this anime by a friend of a friend. I am going, to be honest; I didn't know what I was getting into. This would be my first experience with isekai anime. Looking back on this anime, it is quite an anime. Not much action, but at a great story. I would not recommend watching after a 420 session, you will get the munchies.

 (7) Sword Art Online

Written by Reki Kawahara

Genre/Subgenre= Isekai, Fantasy, Action, Adventure

Light Novel Original Run: April 10, 2009, to present

Anime original run:

Sword Art Online = July 8, 2012, to December 23, 2012

Sword Art Online II= July 5, 2014, to December 30, 2014

Sword Art Online Alicization = October 6, 2018, to present

  And here we go again with another isekai. The genre in itself is pretty much the same across animes. Someone dies and is sent to another world, but Sword Art Online is different. Instead of dying and going to another world; our main character is trapped in a virtual world and if he dies there, he dies in the real world.

In general, I've been pretty hard on SAO because of its a little too real world for me. It deals with some very real-world issues. To give some examples: Death, rape, incest, and other issues. To top it all off, with it being 2019; we are only months away from when the anime begins. (Where is my damn nervegear?)

If you can get past all of that it's a decent anime. The first arc is by far the best. The second arc is OK and the third I haven't finished yet. Sword Art Online is a good anime for beginners, in my opinion. Plus, Sword Art Online always puts out a beyond great soundtrack.

 (6) The Saga of Tanya the Evil

Written by Carlo Zen

Genre/subgenre: Isekai, fantasy

Manga Original run: April 26, 2016, to present

Anime original run: January 6, 2017, to March 31, 2017 

12 Episodes

 Here we are with the last isekai on our list. I understand that there have been quite a few listed, but besides the honorable mentions, there are no more. The Saga of Tanya the Evil is the perfect end of the isekai on this list.

Following the usual isekai tropes, Tanya the evil can best be described as a fantasy, historical alternative reality anime; taking place in a world similar to World War 1. As of this post, I'm only eight episodes in and quite enjoying it. I highly recommend checking it out.

 (5) Fairy Tail

Written By Hiro Mashima

Genre/Subgenre: Shonen, Action, Adventure, Fantasy

Manga Original run: August 2, 2006, to July 26, 2017

Anime original Run: October 12, 2009, to Present

328 + episodes

 It was around 7 years ago that a friend recommended fairy tail, to me. At the time, it wasn't my cup of tea. I was following Bleach, at the time, and hadn't leaped into the world of anime. Fast forward several years and it is still not my cup of tea. Now here is the thing, even though I may not be into fairy tail, ii know a good anime when I see it Given that fairy tail is entering its last full season; it a great choice for beginners and old alike. This is why I’m giving it the number 5 spot.

 (4) Attack on Titan

Written by Hajime isayama

Genre/Subgenre: Dark fantasy, post-apocalyptic

Original manga run: September 9, 2009, to present

Original anime run: April 7, 2015, to present

 Attack on Titan is one of those manga/animes that is a hit from day one. With a post-apocalyptic feel straight out of someone's worse nightmare. This isn't the zombie apocalypse folks; this is something far worse. The following that Attack on Titan has garnered is on par with American shows like The Walking Dead. 

Along with the manga and anime, Attack on titan has spawned a live-action movie in 2015. In my opinion, the movie was just as gory and the anime, but a little toned down. If your a fan of post-apocalyptic shows like The Walking Dead, this is one that you have to check out. 

A little piece of advice, do not watch the movie until you have seen the first season.

 (3) Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid

Written by Coolkyoushinja

Genre/Subgenre: fantasy

Manga original run: May 25, 2013 to present

Anime original run: January 11, 2017, to April 6, 2017

13 episodes plus OVA

 If there was ever an anime that should be the official anime of this blog, this is it. Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid has been one of my favorite animes that I've seen in recent years. This is not the usual action-pack thriller, that you'll usually see from animes that make there way west. It the cute and funny story of Miss Kobayashi and how she ended up with a dragon maid and the adventures that follow. I would recommend this to anyone, anime watcher or not.

 (2) Fullmetal Alchemist/ Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood.

Written by Hiroma Arakawa

Genre/Subgenre: Adventure, dark fantasy, science fiction, shonen

manga original run: July 12, 2001, to June 12, 2019

Anime original run: 

( Fullmetal Alchemist) October 4, 2003, to October 2, 2004

51 episodes plus the movie Conqueror of Shamballa (2005)

( Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood) April 5, 2009, to July 4, 2010

64 episodes

 Here we are at the number 2 spot. This was a toss-up for number one, but I decided against it. I would suggest watching Brotherhood because it follows the manga beginning to end. Fullmetal Alchemist ends at episode 51 and it is up the movie, Conqueror of Shamballa to bring an end to the story. I saw Conqueror of Shamballa and overall the movie was great. Well deserving of the praise it got from film festivals around the world. Do yourself a favor and check out this anime.

 (1) Dragon Ball /Z/GT/Super/Heroes

Written by Akira Toriyama

Genre/Subgenre: Action, Adventure, martial arts, shonen

Manga Original run: 

Dragonball= December 3, 1984, to June 5, 1995

Dragonball Super= June 20,2025 to present

 Anime original run: 

Dragonball(1986 to 1989)

Dragonball Z( 1989 to 1996)

Dragonball GT( 1996 to 1997)

Dragonball Super( 2015 to 2018)

Super Dragonball Heroes(2018 to present)

 And here we are at the number one spot. Come on, everyone should have seen this coming. Anime lovers and non-anime lovers have heard of the Dragonball series. While I was fighting for Fullmetal Alchemist to be in the number one spot; it wasn't going to happen. The Dragonball series is perfect for new anime viewers fro many reasons. One of the main reasons is if you get confused, there is plenty out there to help you understand what’s going on. The Dragonball series has been around in manga form since 1984 and anime form since 1986. There is plenty out there to help newbies and confused them, at the same time. Just don't watch the shitty American made live-action movie.

  Honorable mentions: Konosuba, Ghost in A Shell, Food Wars and Naruto

   Like always my friends, don't forget to like/share/reblog and follow. To get more of an idea of what's coming, you can follow me over on twitter at @socialyawkdude. 

[rachel-wayne]

I got this question on A03, answered it there and decided to post it here as well. Answer is beneath the cut because holy hell it’s long.

Let me start off with Rachel Dawes and how she... like leaves this bad taste in my mouth? I'll start off with events/implications/whatever coming from Batman Begins.

I'll start off with Bruce and Rachel being childhood friends but their interactions always seeming... like super cold? I think this is due to my own experience with my mother "encouraging" me to be friends with a co-worker's kid. So I'm kinda inclined to read that as Rachel's mom encouraging her to be friends with Bruce and thus not see the friendship as "real".

Moving on to Joe Chill's trial times and starting with a note that I think the acting in that bit is like... the worst in the movie, which probably helps a lot with my perceptions of motivations/etc. Like Rachel and Bruce's talk in the manor just is so... awkward. I don't know if they're trying for a "calming / placating" tone but it comes off more like disinterested and insincere to me. Specifically Rachel's "We all loved your parents Bruce" line is just... man that needed another take.

A bunch of the last paragraph is probably just be due to most of that scene being not very well done info-dump on "why the hell is Gotham letting the Wayne killer out?"

It seems super odd to me that Alfred isn't going to Joe Chill's hearing, either on his own (given his clear close relationship with Thomas and Martha) or as support for Bruce.  Yeah Alfred and Bruce argue at the start of this segement, but I see that more as "two people figuring out how to interact as adults instead as a kid and an adult" then "real" arguing.

Also it seems clear that Alfred and Rachel know Bruce is not gonna take the hearing well... so why is he going with a person who can't be by his side during said hearing or, perhaps more importantly, when Chill walks out as a free man? (He could have said ANYTHING to those reporters!)

Moving ahead... I kinda like the whole "dude look beyond yourself" bit of Rachel cutting across traffic to drive Bruce down to see how Gotham is rotting and to try to get him to man up. But... well I'm not sure what the "right" response is to a friend saying he's not a good person, that he's wanted to kill someone for years and was going to follow through on that... but it's DEFINITELY NOT slapping him and then LETTING HIM WALK AWAY WHILE HE's STILL ARMED AND YOU JUST ALL BUT POINTED TO A DUDE AS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS PARENTS' DEATH.

(Also weird side note - I was looking up Batman Begins clips to refresh my memory and realized my mental timeline was messed up. I could have sworn Rachel saw the gun BEFORE she took Bruce to Falcone's bar? What the hell brain.)

So that scene especially makes me think VERY badly of Rachel. Like... honestly what did she think would happen? Like the best case scenario is she thought Bruce would wander around and somehow not get mugged and return to the manor all fired up for social reform... but I'm the kind of person who goes more towards the worst cases scenario. So again, that makes me think badly of her.

That also leads into the fact that Rachel was pretty much the last person seen with Bruce before he vanished off the face of the earth. Yeah Falcone and all those people at the bar saw him, but you think they're gonna come forward? Rachel's the last "decent" person to have seen Bruce... and somehow I don't think Alfred would maintain a cordial relationship with her if she'd admitted to dropping Bruce off in the worst part of Gotham. So again due to towards thinking the worst, I'm inclinded to believe that Rachel either claimed not to have seen Bruce after Chill's death or to have left him somewhere other then right outside Falcone's.

Moving forward to Bruce's return to Gotham... he doesn't interact with Rachel until running into her at the restaurant and she doesn't seek him out despite "hearing" he was back. It seems odd that she'd just accept that "oh he's back and a rich fool" given knowing him as a kid and an angry young adult.

Next time I rewatch Batman Begins I'll have to remember to keep an eye out for more, because I know there's more, but I'll end my look at that movie with Rachel kissing Bruce at the end. That whole scene just seems so fricking manipulative to me? Also the whole "man I loved" just makes me question when the hell she actually knew Bruce as an adult.

Moving on to the Dark Knight, most of the issues I have with Rachel in this movie boil down to the fact that it seems to me she's giving everyone mixed messages? Again I need to rewatch the movie, but my memory is that it seemed Rachel didn't make up her mind till like right before her death and she kept giving off mixed-messages to Bruce and (to a lesser extent, or at least a lesser extent that we see) to Harvey.

I can't point to why right now, but the Bruce/Rachel/Harvey love triangle mess just... felt like Rachel was stringing the two along? I mean it's probably supposed to be her conflicted and changing her mind as time goes on an events happen, but that's how it came off to me.

With regards to Rachel & Harvey's kidnapping - given the fact that Batman and Gordon arrive within a very short time of each other, despite Gordon being in a police car and Batman in the Batpod, I always assumed there was a somewhat substantial difference in how far it was from GCPD to Rachel and GCPD to Harvey. So I interpreted Batman going after Rachel as him going after the one who was further away / harder to get to in time.

Also with regards to Dark Knight, I feel that knocks down the "not wanting to be second in Bruce's list" thing you mentioned. Like yeah, Harvey doesn't go out beating up criminals, but he's protreyed as a man who puts the city first. This didn't factor into my decision to do what I did with Bruce Dawes, but I thought I should mention it.

Oh, last but not least -- I don't like the whole "Rachel was going to wait for me" bit of Dark Knight. I think it makes Batman a weaker character. (I think the Mask of the Phantasm did a better job of doing the "Batman can't love" thing.) Also I feel like I read a few fics which just went to gag levels with that idea.

I'm not going into as much detail or refreshing my memory via YouTube as much since Dark Knight went down pretty differently in Scilicet...

So you start off with a canon that makes me not the biggest fan of Rachel Dawes. Next you take the step of going "okay I want to semi-gender bend this canon and smush it together with other canons"

Before you start changing events around you get canon moments which... seem to change a lot when you do nothing but swap around genders. For example some of Rachel Dawes' lines/actions come off much darker when it's a guy saying/doing them. Specifically everything in the car after Joe Chill's trial, ESPECIALLY the slaping. I'm sure part of this is just due to society being more easily able to go "oh that's not right" when it comes to m -> f attacks/abuse/etc then f -> m stuff.

Then... I just kinda let my evil side take over when I started writing. As previously mentioned I like to think about the darker implications / side of things / etc. Bruce Dawes actual got worse and worse as the series went on, some of it due to that dislike of canon-Rachel Dawes and some of it due to hitting Rachel with the angst bat and slapping big "THIS PERSON IS NOT MENTALLY HEALTHY" labels on her, as I see a big part of Scilicet as Rachel actually healing instead of just ignoring her injuries and pretending she's fine.

So to try and sum things up. It's partially due to having issue with Rachel Dawes and partially due to it being some extra trauma for Rachel. Okay that's a lot of text and I have many other things I should be doing today, so I'll end by saying thanks for the comment/question!

[zecretsanta]

Fic: effective potentials

To: @whatever-43​ From: @grumpsterkitty​

AO3 link

"Light!“

As soon as she had pulled the car off to the side of the road and put the hazard lights on, he unbuckled and exited. She quickly turned off the car, popped the trunk, and hopped out … only to hop back in to grab her keys.

And then again to put on the parking brake.

By then, he had already opened the trunk and gotten the jack, lug wrench, and spare out.

"Would you get back in the car already? You know I can do this.”

"It’ll go faster if we both work on it.“

His tone made it clear he wasn’t going back in, even as snowflakes landed in his hair and on his dark green jacket, making him look like he had a horrible case of dandruff. When she realized he had forgotten his gloves, she went back in for the third time.

"I don’t want to get them dirty,” he said, waving his hand dismissively before going back to loosening the lug nuts. “Are you going to help? You can, of course, stand around and gawk, but we’ll be even later.”

Clover shoved the gloves in her dress pocket and silently picked up the jack, positioning it to lift the car when it was ready. Her hands trembled and just as she thought at least he can’t see me shaking, he set down the wrench and said, “It wasn’t your fault.”

"I’m just cold.“

He didn’t respond. She carefully cranked up the jack until the tire was just barely off the ground.

"It’s ready.”

He pulled the tire off and carefully rolled it behind the car, sliding his free hand along the cold, wet metal to keep himself from straying too far. She managed to get the spare in position but needed his assistance lifting it up and onto the axle.

They finished replacing the tire and lowering the car back down in relative silence. The snow picked up as they put the flat and the tools in the trunk. Once done, Light ran his hand through his hair, so it no longer looked like he had tiny diamonds sprinkled on him. Just greasy.

Her fingers were still shaking as she tried to turn the car back on. With the jingling of the keys, she couldn’t hide it from him.

"I’m just cold.“

"Clover.”

"I’m wearing a dress.“

"It wasn’t your fault.”

"I almost got you killed!“

She broke down, dropping the keys and gripping the steering wheel, choking through her tears.

"Did you intentionally run over whatever punctured the tire?”

"I couldn’t even see it,“ she said, wiping wetness off her cheek. She heard him shifting in his seat, and in spite of the console between them, he managed to get close enough to put his arm around her.

"You steered us safely to the shoulder. You helped me change the tire. We’re only going to be fashionably late and I guarantee you we will still arrive before Aunt Rita. I’m not harmed, physically or mentally.”

They sat like that until her tears stopped.

"Oh dear.“

Clover sat up in alarm. "What?”

"I just realized I didn’t wipe my hands. I likely I got grease all over your dress.“

She craned her neck to look where his hand had been on her shoulder. Sure enough, there was an ugly black smear on the bright green fabric.

"Doesn’t matter,” she said. “But we should get moving. If Aunt Rita gets there before us, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

She made sure he was buckled in before signalling and moving back onto the road. The skid marks behind them were already almost obscured with fresh snow.

-

The first thing she did was wash her face.

They had been living here for months - if you could call it living - but her stuff was all still packed up in suitcases and boxes. A carry on bag had her toiletries and towels inside. She pulled out her face soap and a washcloth and scrubbed her skin until it felt raw.

Aoi stood in the doorway, watching her.

"We’re not done, are we?“

Akane squeezed out the excess water from the cloth and tossed it in the washer. "Hongou’s in custody. The rest have been punished.”

"That doesn’t answer my question.“

She didn’t know how to explain it. Something … something was wrong. It was as if ensuring her existence had thrown off the cosmic balance. But she couldn’t think about that now. Shouldn’t think about that now. She was here, with her brother, and he had something wrapped up in shiny silver paper in his hands.

“It’s too late for my birthday. Too early for Christmas.”

“I don’t need a reason to do something special for my sister.”

He handed her the gift and she started to pull loose the huge, lilac ribbon. When it fell to the floor, though, something broke inside her and tears began to fall. Aoi took the box back and set it on the counter before pulling her into his arms.

"You’re home. You’re safe.”

They were words he had uttered before, when the timeline had twisted and she was reborn after dying, somehow corporeal after being burned alive. She hadn’t really believed him then, and she couldn’t believe him now. Something was wrong.

He stroked her hair, the way he used to do when they were younger, when he would tell her about how human touch released hormones to help with bonding and relaxation. He had changed so much, but in this moment, it was just like Before. Us against the world, he used to joke, but it really felt like that now. The world was shifting and changing around them, because of them, being molded into something she didn’t know and couldn’t trust. It was speaking to her on a cellular level, as her body solidified and stabilized after being in limbo for so many years.

Why couldn’t she just let it go, right now, in the moment? She was alive, anchored in reality again, here with her brother, who had sacrificed so much for her. Why couldn’t she get her brain to stop racing, jumping to conclusions, leaping into doom and despair?

She tried to relax into him. They had this time, after so much had been stolen from them. Whatever happens tomorrow, the day after, in myriad timelines and universes breaking off from this moment, nobody could steal this time from them.

"I didn’t get you anything,“ she mumbled into his shirt.

"You’re back. I don’t need to worry about you blinking out of existence at any moment. That’s all I need.”

"Let’s go out,“ she said suddenly, lifting her head to look in his eyes. "Let’s have a nice dinner in a nice restaurant and see a horrible movie and nitpick all the plot holes.”

Aoi smiled. A real smile, for the first time in years. He lost so much; she wouldn’t let her fears take this moment of peace from him.

-

Diana laughed a little too loudly. Phi couldn’t tell how empty the bottle of red velvet Bailey’s was by looking at it, so she picked it up and shook it gently.

Damn.

Granted, she and Sigma had probably downed most of it. Diana was a lightweight. Phi’s cheeks felt wonderfully warm as she leaned back and she curled up in the armchair across from her parents on the couch. She cringed as Sigma’s laugh boomed out, even louder than Diana’s.

And then she realized his lips weren’t moving. And the reason why it was so loud was because it was resonating inside her head. She was about to chalk it up to being drunk -

I couldn’t have imagined having this family this time last year.

-but that was definitely Sigma’s voice.

"Are you projecting?“

Her father furrowed his brow. "What? No. Why would I be?”

"So you didn’t just have some maudlin thought about how you couldn’t have imagined having this family last year?“

”… shit.“

"Wait.” Diana struggled to sit up; it was difficult enough to get oneself out of their soft, incredibly comfortable couch when one was sober. “You guys said - hic - you were st-st-struggling with - hic -the whole telepathy - hic - dammit!”

"Yeah, we’ve barely been able to project single words to each other through the field,“ Sigma said.

"Maybe alcohol amplifies your ability,” Phi theorized. “Or lowers any mental resistance your unconscious might have to sharing your personal thoughts.”

Shit. So I could be transmitting all my thoughts? Gotta behave myself.

Boobs.

Boobs.

Booooooooobs.

"SIGMA!“

"I can’t help it! It’s like telling someone not to think of a white elephant!”

Elephant.

Trunk.

Dick jokes.

"I can’t believe you’re my dad.“

Diana had gotten up and grabbed a plastic bag to breathe into to try to stop her hiccups. Instead of holding it over her mouth and nose, though, she had pulled it over her head.

"Are you picking up on Phi’s thoughts?” she said in a muffled voice.

"… no, actually. Not picking up on yours, either.“

"Well, I’m not as drunk as you are. But Diana is pretty wasted -”

"I am not!“ She pulled up the bag, her face flushed and slightly damp from condensation.

"You did keep opening the fridge and asking why the bathroom was so cold.”

"Sigma, that - hic - that - hic - oh shit.“ She put the bag back over her head.

"I wonder if we could induce whatever chemical change is allowing you to broadcast without alcohol. Then we could improve your morphogenic telepathy without all the bad side effects.”

Dammit I have to piss again.

"Thanks for sharing.“

"I can’t help it!”

"Why - hic - isn’t this - hic - working?“

Phi removed the bag from Diana’s head and then gently guided it so it was only covering her nose and mouth. "Just keep it airtight and breathe normally.”

Think about boring things. Calculus. Curves. Boobs. DAMMIT. I need to sober up. Crackers! They’ll absorb the alcohol! And coffee, need coffee.

"That’s not…" Phi trailed off as she took in the scene in front of her. Diana focusing very intently on breathing into the bag, her eyes moving back and forth as she tried to determine if her hiccups were gone. Sigma picking up crackers and then bread, mentally debating which would be better at sobering him up, apparently because he had forgotten everything he learned in physiology.

Not what she anticipated for their first Christmas together. But she wouldn’t trade it for anything.

(fin)

[theonewritingblog]

Three Glitches Walk Into a Bar...

Inspired by @thegreatyin. I hope I didn't butcher what you had in mind!

32 belongs to @poopachii

DS Error belongs to @onebizarrekai

Template belongs to @unu-nunium

---

So three glitches walk into a bar, right?

At first they all just stared at one another, a bit warily.

"So what are you guys doing here?" the one in suspenders broke the silence first.

"Hiding." the smallest in an coat to large from him peeked out the boarded up windows of the bar almost habitually.

"Yeah, same here." the third fixed his glasses nervously. "On the run from JR. You?"

"Hiding." the first one said. "... My name's Template."

"32." the smallest said, settling to sit on the ground, as did Template and the third.

"Error." he grinned a little.

Template narrowed his eyes. "Do you destroy aus?"

"Uh... no?"

Template relaxed. "Oh. Okay. I guess that's fine then."

"... Talk about coincidence." 32 said. "We're stuck here for a while, so we might as well talk... right?"

Both Error and Template shrugged.

"I guess."

"Sure."

And that's how they got started.

---

Sometimes people would have to look at them and ask "Isn't weird, dating two other Errors?"

And then Error would have to hold 32 and Template back and politely say, "They aren't Errors, thank you. And no, it's not weird, now good day to you."

He was telling the truth everytime- it wasn't weird. They all fought over normal couple stuff- how many teapots 32 had to donate when they were cleaning up the house, what restaurant they should eat at, whether or not they should punt Blue into the sun, who was going to be in the middle for snuggling (it was 32 every time because he moves around the least in his sleep and didn't have issues with so much touching- he relished it, in fact), how Template couldn't buy three knew art tablets just because. You know. Normal couple things.

They just all happened to look very similar to one another and also to a certain manbaby who likes to destroy timelines for fun. But really, only Error was the only one who wouldn't snap your neck if you called him Error.

32 and Template might. Depends on the day. That just how it be sometimes.

But otherwise, they were a normal couple, that did normal couple things. Like dates! They liked going on dates. Movie dates, particularly, ones at home where they could huddle under blankets Error had made, drinking tea 32 made and eating popcorn Template made and watching some dumb cheesy movie.

Which is what they were getting ready to do at the moment. Error was in charge of the blanket fort they would want the movie from.

"What season do you guys want on the popcorn?" Template asked from the cabinets, looking up at the seasonings.

"Just salt and butter." Error responded.

"That caramel seasoning." 32 said at the same time. They looked at each other and did a quick battle of rock, paper, scissors. Error defeated him without mercy. "Just salt and butter."

Error beamed, and 32 childishly stuck his tongue and went back to making the tea just how the others liked it.

"So what are we watching tonight?" Error asked Template.

"Emoji movie." Template said casually.

The two glared at him.

"I want a divorce." 32 declared.

"I'm kidding, it's Titanic!" Template raised his hands. "We aren't even married. Or engaged. So you can't divorce me anyway?"

32 narrowed his eyes. "Mmm... you're still on thin ice."

"Stop fighting or I'm making you two sleep on the couch." Error threatened, sliding in the disk for the movie. "And hurry up, guys! You're taking forever."

The two did pick it up, hurrying over to the fort Error had elegantly constructed, sitting on the cushions after Template popped the movie in. 32 took the middle this time, as the popcorn holder, and distributed the tea.

The three settled in, getting comfortable.

"Why'd you pick the longest movie ever invented?" 32 asked

"Because I wanna do as much time as possible with my boyfriends." Template said, a bit cheesily. A warm silence fell over them.

"Temp... that's kinda gay." Error grinned.

"Oh shit up, Error, watch the movie." Template scoffed, casually leaning against 32 to snatch some popcorn.

"I am!" the glitch also snagged some popcorn.

The three of them ended up falling asleep after the first hour anyway, all wrapped in blankets and tangled up in each other. The former elegantly crafted fort had called down. The teacups were safely set to the side but popcorn was spilled everywhere, yet the three couldn't have a care in the world because once upon a time three glitches walked into a bar and everyone thought it was a joke, but really, it was a romance.

[the--blackdahlia]

Too Young to Fall in Love Chapter 4 (Dirt!Nikki x Reader)

Title: Too Young to Fall in Love Chapter 4

Summary: Nikki Sixx was a hard partying musician on the strip. He never expected to fall in love with anyone, until a girl knocked on his dressing room door looking for a ride home and took his breath away. Just like everything else Nikki did; the drugs, the money, the music; Nikki went hard with love. (Y/n) Bass never expected the bassist of Motley Crue to be the one to shake her calm and calculated life up. She had a plan. Graduate school, become an epic producer, and watch from behind the scenes as her brother’s band rose to fame. Nikki and (Y/n) were perfect for each other, too bad her brother, Tommy, didn’t think so.

Series warnings: Smut (18+ Please), drug use, language, referenced miscarriage, drug overdose, mentioned attempted suicide, out of character moments for everyone in the band, the timeline might be a little screwy but it’s fanfiction!

Nikki got back to the apartment. Mick was the only one there, since Vince and Tommy were still out late. He looked up at Nikki from the TV show he was watching.

“Thought you’d be crawling in at the sunrise.” Mick commented.

“She has class in the morning,” Nikki sighed. “I… I really like her and I don't want to screw this up.” Nikki ran a hand across his face. “This girl isn't like the groupies at the shows… she different… I don’t feel the need to party when I’m with her. I just want to be with her.”

“That’s deep Nikki.” Mick said. “Don’t let Tommy and Vince hear you saying that though. They’ll start planning the wedding.”

“Shut up,” Nikki grumbled and grabbed a beer from the fridge. “What is wrong with me man?”

“Infatuation. That’s what’s wrong with you.” Mick said. “You give it some time. If the feeling sticks, you’re in love. If it goes away when a new flavor of girl walks by, you were just smitten.” He glanced over at Nikki. “I actually just had to have this same exact talk with Tommy.”

“He has a girl he’s interested in?” Nikki raised his eyebrow at Mick.

“Well, his was about Pop Tarts. So same thing right. Something you both want to eat?” He winked at Nikki.

“I mean… It would be nice but… I don't think she’s that type of girl for now… besides Vince cock blocked me tonight.” Nikki grabbed a chair flipped it so that the back of it was in front of him and sat down.  

“How did he do that?” Mick asked.

“Brought over some girl name Tiffany or Tracy or some shit like that and just started running his mouth,” he took a big chug of his beer. “(Y/n) wanted to leave after that to go home.”    

“Maybe she’s just a homebody? Not every girl likes to go out all the time you know.” Mick pointed out. “You said she was in school right? How old is she?”

“I’m not sure…” NIkki felt himself panic. “Shit what if she’s underage!”

“Well, what I saw of her, she looks like she’s probably eighteen or nineteen. And it sounds like she has a plan with her life. Maybe she doesn’t want to fuck it up and have to rely on a rockstar to support her through life?” Mick suggested.

Nikki let Micks words sink in, “meaning she is completely out of my league.” Nikki chugged the rest of his beer and grabbed the bottle of Jack taking a large gulp from it. “She should be with someone normal.”

“She comes to Motley Crue concerts. She’s not normal Nik.” Mick laughed. “Just be easy with her. If she’s young and never experienced life, those are the ones that have a tendency to go hard when they get a taste of it. I’d hate to see her be one of the girls that comes through the window.”

“Yeah, yeah I guess.” Nikki said. “I asked about having a normal date… what’s a day we don’t have a gig?”

“Do I look like a calendar?” Mick asked. He went to the fridge where Tommy had handwritten a schedule in crayon. “Looks like Thursday we’re good.”

“Sweet, I’ll call her tomorrow and see if that’s good for what I want to have planned… should get the phone book and look up a decent place to eat… maybe a movie or some shit like that.” Nikki rushed to his room and closed the door giving himself some privacy. He looked down at his hands he could almost still feel the softness of her skin on his fingertips. He wanted nothing more than to touch her again. Not even in a sexual way, like every other girl he had been with.

He knew in the morning, Vince would apologize and Tommy would tease him. But for the night, in his mind, it was just him and her.

****

“Here comes the king!” Vince said as Tommy made his way into the rehearsal space. They were working on some new music for their album that they needed to record. Tommy had a pair of sunglasses on that he had stolen from one of the girls, and a pair of Athena’s pants he had taken the last time he had stayed at her place.

“Relax dudes, I put my pants on like everyone else.” Tommy laughed.

“Yeah, but we aren’t wearing our little sister’s clothes.” Mick pointed out, making Nikki and Vince laugh.

“Hey,” he shrugged, “At least I look better in them than she does.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Nikki said, shaking his head. “So, do you guys know what movies are out right now that a girl would like to go see?”

“Trying to tell us something Nik?” Tommy teased, making Nikki flip him off.

“Huh,” Vince titled his head in thought. “Could check the news paper for listings in the entertainment section… I mean are you planning on doing something with that chick you were with last night?”

“Well, yeah.” Nikki said. “Gotta make sure she doesn’t have anything going on Thursday, but I thought I’d take her out. But I’m not telling you fuckheads which theater, because you’ll show up and embarrass me!”

“Awwwww, come on!” Tommy got on his knees and crawled to Nikki to grab at his legs. “Tell us please I haven’t met this chick yet! That’s not fair!”

“Not my fault you left with half the Laker Girls last night.” Nikki told him, pulling his legs away. “I’m almost scared to introduce her to you.”

“Why? Cuz she’ll take one look at me and realize she’s been with a zero when she could’ve been with a hero?” Tommy laughed. Nikki smacked his arm.

“Are we going to do music or talk about you idiots some more?” Mick grumbled, messing around on his guitar.

“Come on, I got a new song I want to try out.” Nikki grabbed his notebook and showed the guys the lyrics.

“That sounds pretty good.” Vince said. “Let me look over the lyrics.”

“Got any directions for music?” Mick asked as Vince took the paper to work on finding the right way to sing it. Tommy messed around on his drums while Mick and Nikki worked on the music.

Nikki began playing a beat thinking of (Y/n) and the lyrics. Vince seemed to respond to the beat Nikki was laying down, Tommy adding in his drums and Mick finding a good riff. The song was coming together nicely.

“So, do we have a set track list yet?” Mick asked a while later while they lounged around.

"Don't know yet. Elektra doesn’t seem to want to approve anything," Nikki shrugged. "We can play around with the flow." Nikki looked at the guys and at the list. "Any ideas for anything?"

“I think we’re just missing one song. They recommend a cover.” Vince said. “But I dunno man.”

“We’ll figure it out.” Tommy said, hitting his drums. “Got a bit before our next gig and I think I’m gonna go get a new tattoo or something.” Tommy laughed. “Who wants to join me?”

"I'll go with you man," Nikki said. "I could use one."

“Gonna get your girlfriend’s name tattooed on you?” Tommy teased. Nikki smacked him upside the head.

“What? NO!” NIkki smacked him upside the head. “Not sure what I’ll get yet but something awesome. If I even decide to go with you, you asshole.”

“It’s amazing we’ve made it this far with you two at the helm.” Mick grumbled.

After rehearsal, NIkki closed the door to his room and dialed (Y/n)’s number. “Please be home and pick up please.” he said to himself as it rang.

“Hello?” (Y/n) finally answered.

“(Y/n)? It’s NIkki… NIkki Sixx?” he smacked his head and groaned.

“Well, hi there Nikki Sixx.” (Y/n) giggled. “You just caught me getting home from class.”

“Hi, yeah, hey… I already said that,” NIkki laughed nervously. “I’m glad I caught you… what are you doing Thursday?”

“I’ve got two classes in the morning and then I work until 4. Why?” (Y/n) asked. “Another gig?” She laid on her bed, looking up at the ceiling. She twirled the cord in her finger. It was times like this she was glad her siblings had moved out already. She knew they’d be listening in.

“Actually… a date,” Nikki jumped on his bed and looked up at the ceiling, his head resting on his arm.

“You want to go out on a date with me? I mean, we’ve been on two but...are you sure?” (Y/n) asked. Nikki could tell she was nervous and it was a little cute. “I mean, I haven’t been on many dates and…”

“Neither have I, but I am pretty sure I want to actually do something with just you,” he chuckled. “I mean we can go to a movie and then dinner or dinner movie and then a fun night out?”

“I love going to the movies,” (Y/n) said. “That sounds great. Your friends aren’t going to show up, are they?” She didn’t mind the band showing up, she just didn’t want to see Tommy’s face yet when he realized her and Nikki were going out.

“I am keeping the theater we are going to under lock and key,” Nikki felt himself smiling. “Besides, I won’t even tell them what restaurant we’re going to.”  

“Well, I’d love to go out with you Nikki Sixx.” She giggled. “Just tell me a time and I’ll meet you, or whatever. I’ll eventually get a car.” She cringed a little. She was making herself sound so uncool.

“I can pick you up at your dorm,” Nikki smiled. “What do you say to 6 O’clock?”

“Oh, yeah! That’ll give me time to get in order.” She said, closing her eyes. She was eventually going to have to actually move to the dorm or tell him the truth.

“Good,” Nikki sat up and pumped his fist in the air. “Sweet girl, I’m going to show you a real good time.” Nikki found himself smiling brighter, “I’ll call you tomorrow. What time are you usually home by?”

“Tomorrow I work until the library closes. I think tomorrow is like eight.” She told him. “But summer is coming up soon and I won’t have to work as much.” She was all smiles. That’s when she heard a voice in the background.

“Hey Nikki! I gotta stop by my parents house first before I go to the parlor. Mom asked me to do something for her since I’m so tall.” Tommy said. (Y/n) gulped. She hoped that Tommy would come alone and not bring Nikki. She didn’t want him to see her here.

“I told you I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go with you or not. Why are you telling me this?” Nikki asked.

“Wasn’t sure if you wanted to tag along. You know mom loves you.” Tommy said. “Maybe I could introduce you to my sister.”

“Nikki’s too busy with his hot little number!” Vince yelled to Tommy.

NIkki grabbed some empty cans to throw at them, “Shut up asshole.” Nikki turned back to the phone. “We have a gig tomorrow so I’ll be in late. Maybe I can catch you the next day?”

“Maybe I could try to come by tonight. I don’t have class until ten tomorrow.” She shrugged a little. “If not though, have a good night Nikki.” She smiled every time she said his name. He made her heart flutter.

“If you come by that would be nice, but I know you’ll be tired from work and you should rest,” Nikki smiled. “I’ll catch you tomorrow… just listen for my message if I can’t reach you. Night (Y/n).” Just saying her name made his pulse race.

“Night Nikki.” She hung up then, laying back on her bed with a smile.

Nikki sighed and closed his eyes. He could picture her in his mind and he could feel a song coming on. Grabbing his notebook he began writing. He placed the title at the top: Use it or Lose it.

(Y/n) turned on her radio as Nikki was in his room writing. “Crazy on You” by Heart came on and (Y/n) felt like she could relate to the song. She laid back on her bed, thinking about him. She was starting to think about moving into the dorm with Vanessa, or even getting their own apartment near the campus. Athena had offered her a room once, and Tommy had said she could live with him if she would stop being such a nerd. But she really wanted to get through school. She was ahead of everyone and she was so close to graduating. She could taste it. If she took all the classes over the summer, she only had a semester.Tommy would call her a nerd, she would call herself an opportunist.

That’s when she realized she had no idea what to wear on a date.

“Oh come on.” She groaned. She was sure he wouldn’t mind the rock t-shirts that Tommy had gotten for her over the years, but she wasn’t to be a little classy or something. She knew Vanessa would help her in a heartbeat, and of course she would be there to help her pick out an outfit, but it was also time she called in the big guns. She picked up her phone then and dialed a number that she had recently memorized.

“Athena? It’s (Y/n). Can you come over tomorrow night or Wednesday? I need your help with something.”

“Why? Are you doing something for your class?” Athena asked as she sat on her couch and began flipping through the tv channels.

“I, uh...I have a date.” (Y/n) told her, making Athena sit up straight.

“You have a date?” Athena sat straighter. “Anyone I know?”

“I met him at the concert you ditched me at.” (Y/n) told her. “And no, I’m not telling you his name.”

“It’s not fucking Vince, is it?” Athena asked.

“No, no. It’s not Vince. Are you going to help me or not?” (Y/n) asked.

“Yes, I’ll help you,” Athena smiled. “But you know you can’t hide him forever.”

“Does Wednesday night sound good? Mom and dad are leaving for their cruise.” (Y/n) told her. “They’ll be in Greece for like a month or something.”

“Oh well, that sounds like you can have a house party if you wanted to,” Athena teased.

“No parties and no...anything else.” (Y/n) blushed. “Thanks Athena. I’ll get us dinner. There’s booze. We’re set.”

“Ok, I’ll help you out and bring over what I have that can fit you or we can go shopping!” Athena squealed slightly. “Night baby sis and maybe this guy can help de-flower you.”  

(Y/n) hung up and sighed. She had jumped that obstacle but now she had to deal with Athena wanting to know who she was dating. And she’d have to figure out what to do if Nikki wanted to come back to her place. She closed her eyes. She had gotten herself in a deep hole.

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[malvoliowithin]

Yorksquad (from Henry VI/Richard III) and 13, 15, 18, 19, and 20 (if that isn't too much for you)

I’m just gonna do the boys for this one, but sure!

13. What gets them flustered

Ed: Very little. This is the guy who would wear booty shorts in public. He does get flustered by Elizabeth, sometimes, though. Like when she calls him cute.

George: FLUSTERED ALWAYS. When he stumbles over his speech, when someone disses him publicly, when Richard threatens to beat him up, when he gets caught dancing to Miley Cyrus in his room and his brothers film it and put it online. Always.

Richard: Again not often. He’s not really a fan of someone making comments about his back or legs, but he’s also kind of used to it and brushes it off? If someone tries to flirt with him though and he picks up on it he has NO idea what to do. 

Edmund: Mainly flustered when he’s challenged to a fight. He wants to be brave like his older brothers, but isn’t skilled or tempered yet.

15. What it takes to make them cry

Ed: Cries when a family member or someone else he cares for is hurt or killed. He really loves his people and does everything he can to keep them safe, so it fucks him up when he can’t.

George: Cries mainly at silly things like sad movies and songs. He’s also been known to cry from feeling like a failure, though.

Richard: Does not cry ever. In canon I think he only cries once? And during some scenes he even brags about how he never cries unlike some people…

Edmund: The same stuff as George and Ed. He never got the memo that crying was bad and unmanly. He’s still young, though…

18. Things they’ll never admit

Ed: He’s nervous that he’s not going to be able to be the Strong, Courageous and Unbreakable King everyone needs right now. After Henry and York they need a strong, unifying leader, but… heck, he’s still young. 

George: Is like 90% sure he’s going to be the forgotten York brother and that his brothers will always outshine him in every respect. 

Richard: Refuses to admit, even to himself, that he wants to be loved. He just has no idea how to be, and would probably reject it even if he could inspire it. 

Edmund: Is scared of his family getting shattered by the war. He doesn’t live to the end of it, which was maybe good. He never got to see it come to fruition.

19. People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them

Ed: Killed Edward of Westminster. This did not affect him too badly, as he saw it as a necessity. He regrets that it had to be done, but he doesn’t regret doing it.

George: Also killed Edward of Westminster. This, among other things, haunted him for the rest of his life and he became an alcoholic after the war because he couldn’t handle any of it. Not killing Edward, not being absent when his father was killed, not betraying his family. None of it.

Richard: He’s killed about 10293 people so I won’t go over every one in canon cause we’d be here all day. I think killing starts off as very much a catharsis and a joy for him. He loves to take his hurt out on others. However I think as the plot of Richard III wears on and he starts to run out of family and victims, it eventually wears on him and starts to become… draining. Kinda similar to George’s alcoholism that conniving, power-grabbing rush that comes with murder starts off as a point of ecstasy and escapism for Richard but eventually he’s just doing it to do it, and also to survive. And he’s killing people he didn’t even want to initially, like Anne and Buckingham. And it starts to suck.

Edmund: Never killed anyone cause he is a Child

20. What-ifs/Alternate Timelines

I have mainly the Restaurant AU which is modern AU about the Red Rose and White Rose, rival fancy dining establishments run by the houses of York and Lancaster.

I also have the George Goes to France AU which is a bit chaotic but basically involves George getting pardoned and banished rather than killed, moving to France, and eventually Anne and Richard escape England and show up there too. And then hell ensues.

[callie-the-snarky-geek-blog]

RvB16 Episode 15 (Season Finale) Review: Paradox

(Old Blog Repost)

Fifteen weeks ago, RvB16 began and all that we know going in was that it involved pizza quests, Donut the God, and time travel. Over these many weeks we’ve had sex adventures throughout time, the return of O’Malley, an in-universe Red vs Blue movie, the adventured of Grif and a sentient lens flare, Gus the Cyclops, Alien Gods who are actually AI, and buckets full of feels. Well, after all of that and so much more, it has all come down to this. Hoping to save Wash from his brain damage, the remaining Reds and Blues venture back to save him, but we discover that doing this will spark the end of time itself. So the question that remains is: what the FUCK are we in for?!

I got to see this yesterday as Rooster Teeth livestreamed it early. It… it… well I’ll be discussing it down below. Before I get to it though, I want to say thank you to Joe, Miles, Kyle, Josh, the animator team, David Levy and Trocadero, the voice cast, and everyone involved in this season if Red vs Blue. It has been an incredibly fun ride form start to finish and I’ve enjoyed it immensely. A lot of work went into this and I can’t even imagine how exhausting it all had to have been. But I.think that I speak for many of us when I say that we greatly appreciate every second that was put into everything, and again thank you for one Hell of a season.

Alright, well… lets do this everyone. Be afraid. Very afraid.

Overview

We begin with the Reds and Blues already back in the past inside the underwater base, going over the plan. They have 18 minutes before Wash gets shot and they are going to do their damnest to be careful and NOT cause anymore serious damage to the timeline. As they go over their plan, they get caught by a random Blue, provoking both Carolina and Tucker to beat him up. While Carolina does get seen on the security camera, the gang continues to stick to the plan. But their plan may have another potential snag as DOnut returns to Chrovos, The Hammer in hand.

As the guys move forward, they end up at a locked door and are forced to go around. Before they can however they’re forced to hide due to Locus, Carolina, and a delirious Wash about to pass by. Before he hides though, Grif smells something that alarms him. Once Carolina gets a delirious Wash to continue on his way, the guys get ready to resume before Grif calls their attention to the scent. He recognizes it as a Sammie Raphaello’s pizza. Why is this important? Well remember that by this point the restaurant had been destroyed, pizza got wiped out existence, and the Blues and Reds only ever had fish. All of these factors cause Grif to realize that another time traveler is there and he decides to go after whoever it is while the others focus on the mission. Simmons is reluctant, but Grif says that they don’t have time to debate and runs off. Simmons can only watch him go (anyone else have Season 15 flashbacks?) as he and the others press on.

The Reds and Blues make it to what they assumed was an empty hangar, but lo and behold it’s covered in guards. They have only two choices, go ahead and fight them off or chance waiting for them to leave and end up running into their past selves. Fortunately they get a little help when Simmons form a few minutes into the future contacts them. In the meantime, Chrovos tries to have Donut give him The Hammer, and as he talks about the guys being mean to him again, it looks like that Donut is indeed about to do as told. Back at the base, Grif follows the pizza scent and finds the mystery time traveler: Genkins. Grif aims his gun at him, even fighting off being tempted by the pizza, but Genkins says that he’s not here to fight and simply brought the pizza over as an apology. it better be for killing Huggins (even if I still refuse to believe it) you sick fuck!

Back with the others, future Simmons gives the guys advice: to use what they learned and that they’re going to do great. Carolina is confused, but Simmons tells her to let them handle things from here. Back with Grif, he pieces together that Genkins was responsible for Kalirama attacking them at Sammie Raphaello’s and was the one who wiped pizza out of existence. Genkins confirms this, trying to again tempt Grif with the pizza but he simply says that he doesn’t care and presses him to explain why he set them up. Genkins answer? Simple, he’s bored. That’s right guys, Genkins is Chaotic Evil. The Reds and Blues meanwhile fight off the guards. Highlights include Sarge luring two into a portal and onto Iris where they’re faced with the Female Gus Cyclops, Tucker dropping horses on them via the portal gun, and Simmons telling Caboose that the guards stole his penny to anger him enough to clobber them with the golf club. I’m so proud of my boys! So proud! They press on, but not before Simmons contacts his past self to set everything into motion.

Back with Donut, he hesitates and asks about Chrovos why he saved him. He says that he simply took pity on someone in trouble, again asking for The Hammer. He also explains that once freed, he’ll gain power that’ll allow him to kill the Cosmic Powers but promises to still spare the Reds and Blues. Donut points out how his friends are jerks to him more often than not… but that they are still his friends and that Chrovos was both responsible for what happened to him and has only been using him He decides to instead use The Hammer to reinforce the prison, but he’s stopped by O’Malley. They struggle and with Donut continuing to refuse to listen to him anymore, Chrovos orders O’Malley to kill him. It leads to one HELL of a fight scene across time. Due to it being a fight, I won’t go into details but guys it is AMAZING. The animation and choreography are perfect. It goes from on top of airliners, to Blood Gulch, to the moon, to a wrestling rink, and finally to a city. O’Malley tries to act as Doc to make Donut back down, but Donut doesn’t buy it. So how does Donut defeat O’Malley? Well during the Blood Gulch portion, he threw a grenade at him and seemed to miss. In the city however, he opens a portal and the grenade flies out, landing before O’Malley and blasting him away. Donut takes The Hammer and teleports away to take care of Chrovos.

All throughout this, Genkins reveals to Grif his motives. He’s grown tired of their current universe, finding that it has gotten boring as of late. So wanting to spice things up, he agreed to help Chrovos when offered power and wishes to become an actual God to change up the universe as he sees fit. Oh God, is Genkins one of those RvB fans who keeps sayin that the show has gone stale and wants to change everything?! Grif says that by now, the others are already in position to save Wash… to which Genkins responses positively. It causes Grif to realize that Genkins isn’t there to stop them, but to ensure that they succeed. If Wash doesn’t get shot, neither he nor Locus will leave and they’ll be able to take down Temple before he turns the time machine on. If it isn’t turned on, then Donut never gets zapped by Chrovos and therefore none of the events that caused the time travel to begin with will commence. Therefore creating a paradox, one that will have enough power to shatter the already weakened timeline.

Grif runs to reach the others and at the same time, Donut makes it to Chrovos and lifts The Hammer to trap him once more. But unfortunately… it’s too little too late. Grif arrives just as Carolina shoots down the soldier that hit Wash, causing time to freeze. Everything soon fades to white, the Reds and Blues realizing far too late what they have done. They all too begin to fade away, Tucker trying to talk to Sister one final time as Sarge tells them all, especially Grif and Simmons, that it has been an honor. Soon, everyone is gone and the screen cuts to black.

As a new Trocadero track begins to play (I believe that David Levy said that the title was Rush in the livesteam chat, love it by the way!) we soon get a panning shot of some grassy-like area before we see our new location: Blood Gulch. From what I’ve seen more Halo-savvy people say, they are now using the Halo 2 Anniversary engine. So why are we in Blood Gulch? Hell if I know, but we see Sarge calling Grif and Simmons, Grif asking if it’s because they wont he war. Sound familiar? Like that being the same dialogue from Episode 2 of the very first season familiar?! Yeah… from how it looks, time has reset and has sent the Reds and Blues back to the very beginning of their journey, their memories wiped.

It’s not long before we see that things aren’t quite the same however. When we cut to the Blues, we see Tucker with a cobalt-clad soldier… but the second he talks, it is very clearly not Church. For one he’s in a good mood and sees rather optimistic, so definitely not Church. He even offers to let Tucker hold the sniper rifle, to which Tucker days that he doesn’t like them. Yeah, things are NOT right Anyways, Not-Church (there’s speculation if this is Jimmy, Temple, or even Genkins currently) mentions that they’re getting ‘new recruits’ (unassumingly Caboose and maybe Sister) and maybe even a tank. Back with the Reds, we see Grif and Simmons on top of the base as we did back in the beginning so long ago. Grif starts to ask the “do you ever wonder why we’re here?” line… but stops due to the sense of deja vu, asking Simmons about it. When Simmons starts to comment about it being one of life’s great mysteries, he too pauses at the feeling. But they simply go back to standing and doing nothing, the camera panning down and giving us one more glimpse of the Red Base before cutting to the credits.

My friends, Season 16 has oficially ended. Ad ther eis only one proper way to express how I feel about it...

Review

HOLY

SHIT

I was in shock when I watched this the first time. This was my fifth time watching it and I am STILL in shock. This finale was incredibly well done. I think that we all knew, or at least thought about, that Wash was probably going to be saved and that in doing so, a paradox would happen. But even knowing it, I wasn’t ready for it. There’s a lot of questions. What happened to the timeline? What happened to Donut? Why is everyone back at Blood Gulch? Does Freelancer still exist since Church isn’t there? Who is Not-Church? Will the guys regain their memories? Joe left SO MANY things open, and we’re going to have to wait a year to find out the answers. Boy is hiatus time going to be fun…

I’m going to have a section devoted to speculation for the next season, but before we do lets discuss the finale. We’re going to do the Reds and Blues first, then Donut’s scenes, then Grif confronting Genkins, and finally a bit about the ending. SO beginning with the Reds and Blues, it was SO GOOD to see them working as one unit. It really shows us how far they have come since the Blood Gulch days. Everyone has their focus on the task ahead, Carolina remains calm and properly leads the team, Simmons essentially assumes second-in-command (a HUGE step for him) and handles it like a champ, being the one to put the plan to fight the guards into motion and unassumingly coordinates everyone’s efforts. While succeeding ended up a bad thin,t he fact that they DID succeed so flawlessly really shows how effective they all have become and how in-sync they truly are. I wasn’t kidding when I said that I was proud of them despite what ended up happening. It still shows how much they’ve progressed, and for that I am very happy.

Donut though is very much the MVP of this episode. Despite having every reason to not give a shit about the others, and even he point sit out, ultimately he realizes on his own that he’s being used and that his friends are still his friends. Before this season, Donut was easily my least favorite Blood Gulch Crew member and my least favorite Red. The past few episodes made me feel bad for him for the first time, and this one turned EVERYTHING around. Joe did such a good job at giving Donut a personality beyond just being a walking fountain of innuendos. He is smart. He is more than capable of holding his own. He can be hurt and does recognize how the guys treat him, simply wanting them to be nice to him. These are all things that a LOT of people have wanted to see out of the character for years, and Joe seemed to have listened and decided to do so. I’m really glad that he did. Donut feels like a much more layered character, keeping the comedic elements but having those traits that the audience can relate to and ultimately made him sympathetic and his actions understandable without overdoing it or making him look bad.

And int he end, Donut decided to be the better person and to stand up to Chrovos. Which led to the oh so AMAZING fight scene. It was done SO WELL. Like the animators experience with doing the fights over in RWBY really shines here. The usage of the portals was very clever and all the settings were used to both Donut and O’Malley’s advantage. They all felt unique and both parties were evenly matched. But Donut won by using his experience with the gun and cleverness with the portals, resulting in by far his best grenade throw since originally grenaded Tex. O’Malley was certainly no slouch though, even trying to revert back to Doc to try and throw Donut off. It failed, but that was still a clever move. It is one of the best fights in the series in my opinion and was well done by everyone involved. You can tell that Matt and Dan gave it their all with the performances (Matt sounded like he was having a LOT of fun doing O’Malley for that long again), and they did an excellent job.

Onto Grif now. I have made it no secret that Grif is my favorite character and imo the best done character in this season. That continued to shine through here. First, him being obsessed with food and his desire for pizza actually proved useful when eh deducted just through he scent that something wasn’t right. Like he pieced everything together all by himself, and even moreso when he discovered Genkins. And while going alone wasn’t the best option,t he fact that he was willing to do so to give the others time to carry out the mission shows just how far he’s come. Especially when he only gets tempted by the pizza for like three seconds before forcing himself to focus and outright telling Genkins that he doesn’t care. Yes, the one thing that Grif wanted all season? He doesn't are about it anymore. He cares about helping his friends and getting the job done. Despite their falling out, Huggins influence on him really shined through and shows us just how capable that Grif is when he actually does try. He’s smart, brave, and unwilling to back down no matter tempts him or what gets in his way. I could not be more proud of him.

Genkins plan was definitely brilliant. He set forth the events like destroying Sammie’s by telling Kalirama where the guys were and wiping pizza out of history to provoke Grif and Doc to try and remake it, provoking the events that resurfaced O’Malley and everything following. As he said, time traveling and changing history will weaken time, leaving it more than vulnerable to being shattered by a paradox. It was all clearly planned to happen, just as Jax said back in Episode 9. And because of how eccentric he is, the Cosmic Powers didn’t suspect anything even when Genkins outright said that he was the traitor back in Episode 5. He is absolutely Chaotic Evil, and for all intents and purposes he won. He distracted Grif long enough for the others to carry out the plan (which makes it interesting that he called away Grif specifically to ensure that happened since if he didn’t show up at all, chances are it still would have happened) and now time is screwed. If Chrovos keeps his word, Genkins can shape the universe into who knows what.

So yeah… that ending. I just remember everything fading to white and being in total shock. Chat was losing their collective minds throughout all of it, that I DO remember, I didn’t know how to process it, and I still don’t. As nice as it is to see Blood Gulch again, there’s that feeling that it’s just… wrong. Especially when we see the Blues and realize that Church isn’t there and that Tucker isn’t acting right. And when we got to :Do you ever wonder hwy we’re here”… I was gone. Every time that I’ve watched that part, I have cried. It is the one time that I didn’t want to hear it and just further emphasized how wrong things feel. It was an evil move by Joe, and he NAILED IT. I’ve never felt so weirdly satisfied but broken inside. Not even RWBY Volume 3 did that, and that broke me for days. SO yeah… the emotional blows all very much connected and waiting for April is going to be HARD. IDK if even RWBY V6 is going to help make the wait anymore bearable. But I’m positive that the wait will be worth it.

RvB17 Speculations

With this being the finale, and one Hell of a finale, I have a LOT of thoughts about what might happen next. So as we saw, things have been reset back to Blood Gulch. Going off the ‘deja vu’ bit, the guys memories are likely being suppressed and I assume that they’ll be triggered more and more next season. I guess in a weird way, it’s like in Season 9 with the Epsilon Unit int hat the’re going to relive Blood Gulch, but the events won’t be quite the same. This time it’s not because of Epsilon going through memories to meet Tex again though, plus this time no one remembers anything. It also raises the question about how the characters will behave. Likely the Reds are back to their old personalities (Sarge is murderous over the Blues and Simmons is an insecure kissass) but what about Caboose? With Church gone, the events that made him how we know him now won’t happen. Will he be like he was in Season 1 again? What about characters like Sister, Carolina, and Wash? And Donut? He was still in Chrovos’ domain, so will his memory be intact? Or since the Reds don’t mention a rookie, will he be there at all?

There’s a lot of questions, and we have a lot of time to think them over. So here is where I stand so far. There’s been a LOT of talk about who Non-Church is… but currently I’m going to say it’s Genkins. If only because the inflections int he voice sound very much like Genkins voice actor, plus it would mean that for now Genkins needs to keep the Reds and Blues in check while Chrovos does whatever he’s going to do. As for how the guys will remember… it’s hard to say. Enough similar-looking events may happen that it triggers their memories, or maybe Genkins will restore them to spice things up. It’s also possible that if Donut is at Blood Gulch, having been at Chrovos domain he may still have his memory and has to try and get everyone else to remember. If not, if I had to guess who’s gong to remember first… it’s probably gonna be Grif. I think that Joe built it up enough that we can assume that Grif is our main protagonist, plus he’s the only one who knows the true details over what happened. There’s also still that time loop theory due to Grif’s deja vu in Episode 14.

Which brings me to my next theory. I don’t think that the timeline necessarily reset. I think that Chrovos got free and placed the Reds and Blues in an alternate timeline, suppressing their memories since they would be the only ones who could interfere with him. This also means that Wash isn’t there since we last saw him in Chorus, so he’s back in the regular timeline. I think that the timeline is currently frozen outside maybe the Cosmic Powers, who Chrovos is going to try to kill as the timeline slowly shatters apart. Of we go with my theory of Grif eventually regaining his memory, he’ll figure out that Not-Church is Genkins (or even have a confrontation happen when memory-less that make sit impossible for him to ignore the deja vu so Genkins, wanting to see his reaction, grants him back his memory), confront him, and Genkins will shoot him into a Black Hole the same way that he did Huggins, which will lead to them reuniting and reconciling to fix everything. I don’t knwo how they’d escape, but it would lead them back to the broken timeline and Grif has to go through it to prevent the paradox from happening. Which will lead Chrovos to sending his forces, which if the Shisno thing still stand may include the Reds and Blues, to stop him. Bonus if Donut escapes and goes to help, and if the Cosmic Powers are alive they’ll likely also get involved if they see that Huggins survived.

But this is very much a long-shot and going off what we’ve seen so far and how the paradoxes work. I had a theory that all the scenarios may happen, which it looks possible. Chrovos creating an alternate timeline confirms that theory and if time hasn’t been fully destroyed yet, it creates a buffer period with the explanation that the process is still on-going. If all of them go back, it doesn’t change too much of the theory, it just means more people. Likely the mroe I watch the finale and speculate, the more that this will change. But for now, that’s all I’ve got. Will I be proven right? Probably not, but we won’t know until at least April so.. we’ve got time! Unlike the Reds and Blues, haha… and I made myself sad.

Final Thoughts

The finale was insane in all of the good ways. It had a great fight sequence, great character moments, and one mindscrew of an ending that I don’t think that anyone will ever forget. If I had to guess, we’ll probably start next season kind of like in Season 9, with some similar event splaying out and as they do, the guys memories will potentially be triggered. All we can do is wait for April to come and find out. But all in all, it was a great finale and I loved every second of it.

With that, I want to take this time to say thank you to everyone who has read these reviews. This is only the second season of RvB that I watched regularly and the first one that I reviewed as it was coming out. I had a lot of fun doing it and I’m glad that people really liked my silly ramblings! There will be one final review for the season coming up, an overall review of everything I liked and disliked about it, that should hopefully be out this time next week. After that, that’ll be a wrap for RvB16. If any of you guys are RWBY fans, I’ll be reviewing Volume 6 in the same format when it starts this Fall and I may also be doing Gen;Lock if I like it. I’m also going to be doing reviews of the other RvB seasons during the hiatus, so I’ll have plenty of RvB-related material until next season rolls around. Again, thank you all for reading and I will be back again to do RvB17 next year. So I hope to see all of you then!

[brotherskywalker]

Ship meme

Since no one ever sends me asks, I’ll just answer everything. :D

what is your absolute favorite ship?

Obviously Luke/Leia.

what ship do you hate most?

In Star Wars Reylo. On average, I dislike rivalry pairings. Anything where two characters who canonically hate or dislike each other are inexplicably one of the largest ships in fanon defying all logic. (Harry/Draco, Hermione/Draco, Doctor/Master, Kylo/Rey, etc.)

what was your first ship, and what fandom is it from?

Billy/Kim from the original Power Rangers, probably. Though I like Star Wars before then, I didn’t “ship it.”

explain why do/don’t ship [pairing]

Since I’m answering this for myself, I’m going to go with “do” and “Luke/Leia.” For me, it’s because they’re so good to each other, and for each other. They make each other better people, and that’s always a huge plus for me in pairings I ship. Additionally, they have such an intense connection that I think is just beyond compare to any other pairing--connected through the Force and connected because they’re twins. It makes their relationship able to become so intense and deep.

how did you start shipping [pairing]?

Once again going with Luke/Leia. I shipped them as a kid. I liked Luke and I wanted him to get the girl. I didn’t (and still don’t) understand why Leia would be interested in the scoundrel that constantly belittled her, insulted her, and disrespected her. I always thought that once Luke matured and grew up and dealt with his Daddy Issues he and Leia would hook up (and she’d realize her initial instincts about Han were right). I thought it’d be a really nice growth arc for both of them. When it turned out that they were twins (as an attempt to resolve the love triangle) I thought, as a kid, that it wasn’t a good enough reason for them not to be together since they were clearly the healthier pair... and turns out I still feel that way.

is there a ship that you used to ship, but don’t anymore?

There are ships that I  used to be passionate about a lot but which I’m not super passionate about anymore, but I don’t know if there are any that I stopped shipping... Maybe Willow/Oz from Buffy. Not because I don’t think they were great together (they’re still one of my favorite pairings) but because canonically they broke up and Willow came out as a lesbian, which makes me still shipping Willow/Oz... complicated.

what’s a ship you like that most people don’t?

lol... Luke/Leia? I also liked Kirk/McCoy from the TOS which is uncommon among Spock/Kirk and Spock/McCoy shippers, I guess.

what’s a ship you hate that most people like?

Tenth Doctor/Rose. Also, every ship listed in “what ship do you hate most?”

what is the most underrated ship, in your opinion?

LUKE/LEIA. I get why it’s not huge ship in the face of Han/Leia, but the fact that it’s so small is really baffling to me. I think if Star Wars came out today it’d be a much bigger ship.

what is the most overrated ship, in your opinion?

Of all time? I have no idea... Reylo is definitely up there. Maybe the Twilight characters.... all of them....

do you prefer [pairing] as an otp, brotp, or notp?

Ugh, some of these are so hard to do on my own lol. Pass. Feel free to send me an ask if you have a specific pairing for this you want to ask.

why do you think [pairing] is so popular?

I’ll go with “Reylo” for this. Honestly, I wish I knew. Han/Leia I think is popular because Harrison Ford is attractive and Carrie Fisher is attractive, so they’re easy to see together. Men can self-insert into Han and “get the girl” and women can self-insert into Leia and “get the hot dude.” And since they’re canon it’s handed to you on a silver plate (so long as you don’t think too hard about it)... Reylo... idk. Daisy is attractive, but Adam Driver is not. But I guess he’s attractive enough for lots of people to want him? I think there’s a large group of women out there that into the “bad boy” (as evidenced by the popularity of stuff like Hermione/Draco, Twilight, 50 Shades, etc.). They’re all permutations of the same thing. For some reason that stuff is popular, and I think Reylo is a variant on that... It has no basis in canon (just like Hermione/Draco), but the fans want to see their self-insert save the bad boy, and maybe be corrupted into sexual funtimes as well. I’m sure someone’s written a dissertation on it. Maybe the women want to be corrupted in order to be allowed to enjoy their sexuality since society tends to give women shit for being sexually promiscuous. I honestly have no idea.... everything about Reylo is vile to me.

why do you think [pairing] isn’t popular?

I’ll go with Luke/Leia here. I’d say is 1 part “ewww incest”, 1 part “but Han/Leia are canon!!!!111″ and 1 part “Luke is a whiny gayboy.”

rate [pairing] from 1-10 and explain why

Ugh, pass. Feel free to send in an ask for a pairing if you want.

what’s your favorite headcanon of [pairing]?

I’ll go with Luke/Leia. I have so many headcanons... A favorite for me is that they both feel like they’ve been searching for “something” all their lives and that “something” is their other half/twin, and they’re constantly trying to feel whole. One of the only times they really feel whole is when they make love together.

what’s your favorite canon moment of [pairing]?

Going with Luke/Leia again. So many great moments. My choice would probably change any day of the week... but the one that immediately comes to mind is just the moment on the Death Star II when Vader threatens Leia and that’s what pushes Luke over the edge. (But I also love all the soft touches between them--Leia kissing him on the Falcon after he loses his hand on Bespin, and the way her body presses into him at the Endor party after he sees the ghosts.)

favorite AU ideas for [pairing]?

Luke/Leia again. Lots of AU ideas, but one I’ve thought about a lot is the timeline had extended just a bit--Luke and Ben got dropped of on Alderaan before it was destroyed and Luke and Leia could’ve met in a more natural (but still serious about-to-go-to-war setting). Luke trained as a Jedi on Alderaan under Obi-Wan, Luke and Leia got to become friends (with Bail and Obi-Wan freaking out about whether or not they should tell them the Truth), and then Plot happening to prevent it. Also Han gets his money on Alderaan and goes and pays Jabba and lives happily ever after.

rant about [pairing]

Send me a pairing if you want, but I can’t go off on nothing.

what’s a meme/quote that reminds you of [pairing]?

Send me a pairing, but I’m really, really bad about stuff like this.

what song(s) remind you of [pairing]?

Did I mention I’m really, really bad about stuff like this? Don’t send me this one, I won’t have an answer, not even for LL.

what kind of dates do you think [pairing] would go on?

For Luke/Leia it would depending on whether other people knew they’re twins and/or if other people know if incest is super taboo. In a perfect world, I think they’d do sweet dates... like strawberry picking or the space equivalent. I’m sure occasionally they’d go to trendy restaurants and stuff, but I think they’d both be most happy at like... a farmer’s market, dancing around the hay bales, buying fresh roasted corn, sharing a shaved ice, maybe a little ice skating, etc. Simple life after the war.

realistically, do you think [non-canon pairing] will ever be canon? why or why not?

Let’s go with Reylo. No. I really don’t. There’s no way. It’s unsatisfying on every level, and narrative makes no sense. If they wanted Kylo to have a redemption arc, they blew it with The Last Jedi. The ending of that movie is Rey running into Finn’s arms, so the only realistic romantic that could happen in IX is Finnrey.

have you ever written fanfiction/drawn fanart of [pairing]? would you consider it?

For Luke/Leia, yes. Yes, I have. I’ved posted most of the art I’ve drawn of them under #my art, though I’ve only done like... three pieces.

any other questions?

Feel free to send any in if you have any.

[riverdalefiction]

Made a Dead Man’s Money

Summary: Jughead and Betty try to mend their relationship while solving the problems in their own lives, nine years after solving the case of Jason Blossom’s murder. It doesn’t help that the demons of one become demons of another until they’re fighting for their lives.

Genre: General, Canon Divergent, Angst, Hurt, Thriller, Romance, Action

Pairing: Betty x Jughead

Timeline: Future Fic

Word count: 7,389

Part three of oh lazarus, were you so afraid

PREVIOUSLY:  Upon receiving the news he’s not going to be able to pay rent again, Jughead’s feeling restless even before he stumbles into someone he hasn’t seen in five years, bringing him near a breaking point.

In every situation, there’s two types of people – those who do and those who don’t. For the entirety of his life, he’s considered himself to be the former, fighting for what he believes in and coordinating his actions according to it.

Given that he’s currently at Midge’s writing a column about the latest blockbuster, it’s not difficult to say he was wrong.

It was Harvey’s advice, he thinks as he sips his coffee. It was good advice, despite the fact it pained his pride to accept Toni’s offer and—in his own words—sell out. But when everything’s taken into account, Jughead needs to admit that it was the best decision he could make.

“You doing all right there, mate?” asks Jeff, grinning at him from the counter.

Jughead rolls his eyes. “You’re not getting that tip, mate.”

“Ah, bummer,” Jeff says. “It’s the only thing keeping me alive, you know.”

Although he says nothing and tries very hard not to smile, working on the column is easier for him from that point. Suffice to say, he’s taken a liking to the kid – he’s clever, the way he thinks he used to be, and has the street smarts of a boy much older than his age. Though, put that aside and you get a seventeen year-old who doesn’t do well at school, has a mother who’s working two shifts all the time and a never-present father.

It was a joke – Jughead’s tips aren’t the only thing keeping him alive. But somehow, if it means anything to the kid, makes his life at least a little bit easier—even if that’s just knowing someone’s going to tip him a little more than they should every time they come—then it’s worth it.

This is about the point when three things happen.

Thing one: he decides he’s done with the column for the day. It shouldn’t be long, anyway, but he’s never been the one to half-ass things so he’s going to make it the best he can. But for the day, he’s done with it.

Thing two: he decides his next story should be about Jeff. The boy’s a great study of character; someone coming from a not-so-good neighbourhood (Midge pulled his family to Washington Heights once Midge’s became profitable) with a bright outlook on their future. Jughead was definitely a fan and, if he manages to put it on the paper the right way, others will be, too.

Thing three: Betty Cooper enters the diner.

Her hair isn’t pulled into a ponytail – it’s styled in a long, careless-looking braid that reaches her mid back. The coat she’s wearing reaches her knees and it’s a faded blue, a colour he once told her looks amazing on her. And it does, even now – it brings out the red in her cheeks and the plumpness of her lips, contrasting the light in her eyes and making her hair look a soft gold.

His eyes fall back onto the paper and he scribbles something on it, painfully aware of her eyes on him. It’s not long until she slides into the booth across from him.

He doesn’t look up.

“Hi.”

“I’m busy,” he says.

When she doesn’t move, he knows she hasn’t changed. There’s a feeling in the pit of his stomach, blubbering, and he can’t figure out whether it’s pride for her remaining as persistent as he was used to, or annoyance because she wouldn’t leave.

It’s his decision it’s the latter.

With his pen clicking a little louder than it should’ve, he raises his eyes to meet hers. “What brings the infamous Betty Cooper to the farthest booth in a small New York diner?”

“Well,” she says, voice quiet, “the milkshakes.” She says it with a smile, a sheepish one that could once upon a time cut through any guard he’d build up for himself; this time, his walls are too thick for even a gaze like hers to protrude them.

“The milkshakes.”

The smile grows. “Yes.”

He grumbles something he forgets immediately, likely about refusing the offer between the lines – he is not going to be bought by a milkshake, no matter how good. It’s Betty’s way of trying to get to him, to pretend everything’s normal.

They chat for some time, small talk at most. He doesn’t need to—want to—turn on his brain for this. Instead, his thoughts compare the similarities between now and then.

Against his better judgement, he allows himself to find enough solace in her blue eyes to steady the pace of his thoughts.

He’s at Pop’s again; they’re sixteen. Betty is sitting next to him and sipping a milkshake, her hand cold in his. It’s February, his birthday, but it doesn’t feel like it.

“What now?” he remembers asking.

His beanie lies forgotten on the table, all he can think about is Betty. She feels small in his arms, cradled against his chest with nose nuzzled into the collar of his jacket. Her palms are open and he can’t tear his eyes off them, fingers trailing the faint crescent shapes on them.

He remembers Betty has closed her eyes some time ago. Her breathing is even and calm, and maybe for the first time since they came from the movies, he feels like things aren’t that bad. Next thing he does is kiss her forehead with closed eyes. It’s the feeling he never wants to let go of, the warmth of Betty Cooper over his body.

He remembers her smiling a little when she looks up. Her eyes are a little red and he smiles at her, running a hand through her hair.

“Now,” he remembers her soft voice telling him, “we go home.”

He is already home.

Thinking of Betty is weird, Jughead concludes as he watches her tell him about her job at New York Times. He’s been putting it off for nearly five years and when he finally does succumb, it comes naturally as ever.

Fuck, Jughead thinks and his heart plummets into his stomach. I miss her.

He sighs, but she doesn’t notice. She’s talking to him and she sounds excited, and he wonders if he’s doing the right thing. He left Riverdale for a reason, much like he told Harvey, and he never thought he’d face any of it ever again. But Jughead is Jughead and, even though he goes by Jones know, things he runs away from always catch up to him.

“Hey, Betty?”

She was saying something—and he interrupted—but now she’s staring at him, doe eyes filled with confusion and expectancy. “Yes?”

He swallows. Doesn’t dwell on it. “How about we finish this conversation in my flat?”

It’s then that her smile becomes genuine—and he realizes he hasn’t noticed it wasn’t—and her eyes light up in a way he’s so used to it makes him smile against his better judgement. She’s the first to leave and wait outside, as he leaves the money on the table and ten dollars more than he should.

Jeff doesn’t notice it but it doesn’t matter to Jughead. The kid smiles at him and he waves back, feeling good. He’s done some good today and he’s going to fix the mistakes he’s made, before turning his back to them when the night falls.

On their way to his apartment, they talk about things he knows don’t matter to either of them. It’s about the weather and what awful storms are coming up; about her flat and how she got it, about her friends here and other things he can’t bother remembering. It doesn’t slip his notice she not once mentions Riverdale or past.

They’re stuck in the present and as long as their history is locked behind them, he doesn’t run.

“I’ve been staying with Harvey for three years now,” he explains carefully. “On Fridays, he and Victoria, his girlfriend, go to the movies and then to the first restaurant they come across when opening the phone book. It’s been that way for all seven years they’ve been dating, so I’m sure you don’t need to worry about accidentally bumping into him.”

“I’m not—“

“Betty,” he says. “It’s all right.”

Her face falls but there’s a glimmer in her eyes; he notices her hand twitching ever so slightly towards his, eyes following it. He tucks them into the pockets of his jacket using the cold as an excuse.

He knows she’s anxious about this. He knows until he told her they aren’t going to be jumped by his roommate that she was freaking out about it on the inside. He still remembers a lot of things about her.

For the briefest of moments—and stupidest, of course—he thinks whether he should tell her that his hand is reaching for hers, too.

Before he does something he’s going to regret, he stops in front of a tall brown building. “We’re here.”

Betty looks up, eyes the building – he can see the wheels turning, but he’s not answering the questions she’s not asking. The whole point of this little trip to his place is to soothe her curiosity, show her there’s nothing left for her in his life and hope their paths cross never again.

“It looks lovely,” Betty comments as they make their way into the building.

“Harvey’s choice,” Jughead explains. “He’s got a knack for things like this.”

“Fanciness?”

“You could say that.” His word of choice would be luxury – and he has a feeling it’s hers, too, except she’s still polite enough to not be so blunt.

It was a bad decision, he concludes when she enters the apartment. The awe on her face is visible, barely shielding confusion she’s fallen into. He locks the door and watches her look around, making comments about the size of it and the paintings—Harvey’s—and asking whether she could buy one.

Jughead replies to all questions as polite as he can. He’s reserved and she notices, especially when they’re sitting on the sofa that’s bigger than his bed back at home.

When it nears six o’clock, Jughead gets up to make dinner. He doesn’t want to admit it, but sitting next to her was like smoking the last cigarette in the pack – something that’s good, but something that kills you and you know it shouldn’t happened, though it happened so many times before.

To him, Betty Cooper is an addiction that comes with more flaws than perks.

“You’re always been so against cooking,” she comments. She makes her way to the bar and sits on the stool, hands on the flat surface. “I never figured one day you’d be offering to make me dinner.”

Jughead gives her a long look, preparing eggs. “I can heat you some pizza.”

“No.” Betty smiles at him. “If I die, I’d rather it be of your cooking than supermarket food.”

He crouches and takes in a deep breath, where she can’t see, and doesn’t say anything when he comes back with a frying pan. She tells him about her roommate—whose name Jughead keeps missing—and how they’re living in a pretty small flat, as she’s financing herself off her own earnings and none of her family’s money.

Jughead doesn’t know whether that’s a passive attack at him for living in a massive apartment. His skin crawls, and he decides it’s easier to go on with his life pretending it is.

“So,” Betty says and Jughead’s more than relieved than she can’t see the change in his face in response to the change in her tone. “How’s it been?”

“Delightful,” he replies. He stuffs the eggs onto the pan then relaxes his shoulders, slowly, thinking of breathing. When the omelette is done, he places one on her plate and one on his, sitting opposite of Betty. “It’s not poison.”

“Of course it isn’t poison.” She takes a bite and gives out a surprised gasp. “This is amazing, Juggie!”

Flinch and shudder. Don’t think about it. “Harvey should be back soon.”

“You didn’t answer my question, Jughead.”

“Didn’t I?” He gives her another long look, wrapping it with steel. “I said things have been delightful.”

Betty says nothing to this, but her lower lip is trembling and her knuckles are white, fingers somewhere on her palm.

Jughead sighs. It’s no longer your concern. If she’s hurting yourself, it’s none of your business. He leaves the room and checks up on Harvey—he’s going to be here in ten minutes—before stopping on his way back.

“Damn you, Betty.”

It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. He hurt her once and he’s going to hurt her again because she’s nosy and he doesn’t need that right now.

Instead of the kitchen in the living room, he goes into the bathroom. The boy staring at him in the mirror is no longer that – the sleepless nights had taken a toll a long time ago, and his black hair is now cut short to only few inches. He runs a hand through it, recalling how it felt back in Riverdale, when it was much longer. He’s lost some weight in the past few months, too – his cheekbones are more defined and jaw stronger. Jughead’s no longer a boy, much like Betty’s no longer a girl.

They’re a man and a woman now, and two people who should mean nothing to one another.

He washes his face, splashing water all around. A pair of fingerless gloves that are always waiting for him end up on his hands, and he feels ready to face Betty.

When he comes back, she hasn’t touched her omelette.

“Hey. Aren’t you going to eat that?”

Betty smiles at him; Jughead balls his hands into fists behind his back. “I was waiting for you.”

He doesn’t smile back and they eat in silence.

Not even a minute later—Jughead curses silently that it couldn’t last long enough—Betty breaks it, poking her omelette with a fork. “I thought we could . . . go out sometime. Have a real talk.”

“We can talk now.”

“We can’t,” Betty says, and he hears exasperation in her voice. “We can’t because you’ve been avoiding any serious topic this entire time!”

He looks at her, then shrugs. “Or I guess we can’t talk now.”

“Jughead – I just want to know what happened.”

If he were to start – no, he’s not going to. There’s no point in even trying to make the events a coherent story because there would be so much needed to be left out for her and by taking it all out, less than a skeleton would remain and he’s already got one too many in his closet.

Jughead puts away their plates and sits back on his chair, not looking at her. His fingers are fidgeting with the gloves and he’s constantly making sure she can’t see his knuckles.

In the moment he makes a decision, his heart falters a little.

“What happened is none of your business, Betty,” Jughead tells her; slowly, clearly, sharply. “Not anymore.”

That is about the point when three things happen.

First, Betty parts her lips to protest. It’s just like he remembers – stern eyes and tense shoulders, body leaning over the counter just a little. Except her eyes are now harsher and older, and he knows the words that are about to leave her mouth more evocate and to-the-point than before, and they’re more swords than swift daggers.

Second, Jughead decides he’s had enough. It’s somewhere he needs to draw a line and this is just the right time to do it. He’s not going to argue with her. He’s not going to even think about what she might have to say, because it really is none of her business what he’s doing with his life. And Jughead decides to forget about her.

Third, Harvey Levario comes home.

“Hola, mi amigo!” echoes in the vast living room, laughter scattered through the words.

Jughead doesn’t greet him and neither does Betty, so when Harvey enters the living room and sees them, the silence that ensues is one of the tensest Jughead’s ever experienced. He takes his eyes off Betty and takes a long look at his roommate, because words that are forming in his head are all but appropriate.

He stands up. “Harvey, this is Elizabeth Cooper. Elizabeth, this is Harvey Levario, my roommate.”

Betty shots him a glare before putting on the nicest smile and shaking hands with the dazzled boy. Jughead knows neither of them missed the lack of any detail with Betty’s introduction.

“Hi,” Harvey says. He smiles, widely, and the whole room feels lighter. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Betty doesn’t look at Jughead when she says, “Doubt it.”

Harvey pretends not to notice. “Well—“

“Betty’s on her way home,” interjects Jughead, voice definite. “She should get going soon and we’ll talk later, all right?”

He doesn’t allow either of them to protest as he grabs her bag and ushers her out of the apartment. They’re a little clumsy and feeling her skin beneath his fingertips as he holds her arm feels different than he’s used to and he realizes he can’t stop making the comparisons of then and now.

Except he’s decided there will be no now with Betty.

She’s shivering once they’re out of the building, standing on the winter cold. It’s not snowing—hasn’t been in a while—but it looks like it might.

“I’ll call you a cab,” Jughead tells her.

“I can call my own cab, thank you. You don’t have to be so . . . “

“So what, huh, Betty?” Jughead presses thumbs against his temples and looks away, shuddering. He forgot to take a jacket or a coat or something and now he’s angry and annoyed and irritated and nearly arguing with his ex whom he hadn’t seen in five years. “I don’t want to do this today. Or anytime, really.”

“Do what? I wasn’t aware we were doing anything, really.”

He doesn’t want to look at her. “Damn it, Betty. Get your own cab, I’m going back.”

“Jughead—“

He looks at her with all the anger and irritation and five years of bottled up feelings directed at her. His hands are in his pockets and he’s shivering and damn cold but he waits to hear what she has to say. He doesn’t want to admit it, but he owes her at least that much.

Betty smiles at him; it’s the pity, the sad smile she would sometimes give him when he first told her about his homelessness as a fifteen year-old. “I don’t think you should do the column. You can do more than that.”

“You have no idea what I can do,” he tells her and with that, he’s gone.

Not one part of him regrets it. There’s only so much he can allow himself with his past and he’s already crossed the line, more than once.

Harvey’s sitting on the sofa when he gets back into the apartment, sketching something into his notebook. His head raises when he hears Jughead fumbling with the stuff he needs, but looks away when Jughead shakes his head.

In a quick trip to his bedroom, he takes the bandages, several bottles of water and sports shorts, stuffing it all in a bag. The fingerless gloves are still on his hands and he’s hurrying all too much, constantly forgetting the additional things he needs to take, because he’d planned his evening and it should’ve gone way differently.

“I’ll be back late,” Jughead informs Harvey on his way out. “Don’t wait up.”

“Don’t get beaten up,” Harvey retorts.

Jughead nods, because they both know Harvey will wait up and Jughead will get beaten up.

He’s firm on his feet when he leaves the building. The air is chilly and it’s several degrees below zero, but he hardly notices any of it. There is a feeling between his shoulder blades, sharp and gnawing at his every step and he can’t shake it off. It’s a different kind of warmth that spreads all the way to the tips of his fingers and his arms are buzzing with a hunger he can’t put in words.

There are days when he wishes he has it different and there are days like these, when he knows he wouldn’t have it any way at all if it had it different.

Harvey knows a little, but doesn’t understand. Toni doesn’t know, but she would understand. Victoria and Midge and Jeff neither know nor would understand.

There is nobody else.

Fifteen minutes into the walk, Jughead’s senses are alert on a familiar way. His hands and fingers now almost throbbing with desire tense and the hunger in his back opens its jaws. He turns around and sees no one, but he knows they’re there.

He says nothing. He swings the bag over his shoulders and steadies it at his back and he wishes he had enough self-control not to enjoy this.

It’s quiet. His steps are quiet, too, and not a sound escapes him as he walks where he came from.

Someone is following him.

The alley he enters is lit by a street light way ahead and most of it is left in the dark, succumbing to a dread Jughead knows he should be feeling instead. But this is a different version to him than the one who was paranoid at Midge’s all those months ago – that was F. Jones, and this is Jughead.

This Jughead is moulded by the streets of New York, by murders and lies of Riverdale, and horrors of his own; this Jughead is clad of resentment and rage, softly boiling for the past five years.

This Jughead is dangerous. And that Jughead nearly throws the small figure that’s been following him on the ground. Only in the last moment does he realize it’s none other than Betty.

He pauses, for a moment. Makes the decision in the split of the next.

“What the fuck were you thinking, following me?” His shoulders are stiff and he’s holding Betty for her shoulders, forcing her to take steps backwards until her back collide with the hard wall. “Don’t you have fucking common sense left in your head?”

She swallows loudly and tries to shake his hands off, but fails. He can’t see her face but he doesn’t have to – if she’s anything like she used to be, then he’s glaring at her with lips pressed tight and her chin held high, looking danger straight in the eyes.

It’s not much of a surprise for him to realize he’s the danger.

“You’re up to something, Jughead,” she states. Her voice is unsteady and cold, but there is no affection in it. “I know you’re hiding something from me.”

His eyes close and flutter. He takes in a deep breath and swallows the first words that come to his mind, only looking back at her when he’s ready. “Don’t you think there might be a reason why I’m not telling you things? Why I don’t talk to you?”

“You’re just doing the same thing you alwa—”

“Don’t you fucking dare tell me what I’m doing!” A shudder runs through his bones and he’s pressing her against the wall, gentleness gone with the wind. He’s rough and he’s angry and he needs her to see it. “I’m done with you, Betty. I left Riverdale and I left my old life and I don’t need you in this one, too. What I’m doing is my fucking business and keep your nose the hell out of it because you don’t belong here anymore. Follow me again and I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen another time, Betts. We’ve been done for a long time and now you’re just a stranger awfully interested in my life and I don’t like a bit of that. So would you kindly back the fuck off and let me live without you sniffing around, or do I need to make you do it? Because—”

Someone walks by, on the main road, and doesn’t look into the alley. The two grow silent but neither look around and Jughead holds her still, his hands shaking just a little and his heart threatening to cut through his ribcage.

His eyes got used to the dark and he sees her better now. She’s glaring at him in a way he’s not used to and he knows he was wrong – she’s almost nothing like the girl he left in Riverdale.

Her edges aren’t soft anymore, just like his have sharpened in the past three years.

“Get the fuck away from me,” he growls. “I’m done playing nice.”

Betty pushes him away and he lets her. Her braid is a mess and her coat must be smudged, but she looks astonishing; she looks like the bad side of herself she never let him see. In the briefest of heartbeat-long moments, Jughead Jones recognizes the extensity of the persona Betty Cooper has been hiding for a very, very long time.

She doesn’t hesitate when she says: “You’re a fucking son of a bitch.”

Jughead doesn’t blink. “Don’t follow me.”

“You’re an asshole and a moron and nothing like you used to be.”

“Welcome to the real world, Betts. People are pieces of shit.”

She pushes him. “I don’t recognize you anymore.”

“Good.”

“I hate you.”

The words sting but he takes them like he should – with a grim smile. “Back at you, blondie.”

She slaps him. Hard, right across the cheek. It stings just as much as the words did but this one he deserves even more. She’s stronger than before, firmer, harder and a part of him is proud to see life has hardened her in all the ways it should have, only a little less than going overboard like it did with him.

She takes a step back, shoots him another glare and turns on her heel. He watches her go out of the alley and the opposite direction of where they were going before, and he can’t help but notice something different tugs at him now – some part of him that lay dormant deep within him before he arrived to New York.

Jughead is back on his way in no time. He arrives ten minutes late, but nobody has anything to say about that and he’s glad. His arms are still throbbing and he can’t keep his fingers still – wrapping the bandages around them and throwing the first punch at the boxing bag in the changing room feels riveting.

Freeing.

Minutes later, his punch lands into the stomach of a guy almost twice his size and opens the match. Jughead pumps to the rhythm of people shouting his name and blood in his ears is a song he’s become addicted to – each and every muscle in his body is active as he throws one punch after another, dodging and smirking and unleashing the hunger between his shoulder blades when his nose gets broken.

He’s a monster and he adores it.

The crowd is a blur of colours and smudges that represent people. Their voices are an unwavering sea of muffled sounds unable to fully get through the barrier he’s put himself in. What he sees is a ring he’s bound by and a guy who just took a quick step back upon knocking on Jughead’s nose. His nose is throbbing and the guy looks like a blotch of black to him – like a Rorschach test he’s bound to fail. He looks like Betty’s face when Jughead spat those words at her and his cheek is pulsating underneath her touch again.

Jughead shivers and puts his hands down, staring at his opponent. Every part of him feels like its vibrating and he stretches his neck, moves his fingers and targets. Targets.

Lunges.

It doesn’t last long after that. The room smells like sweat and blood and Jughead’s bandages are ripped, along with a part of skin below his right eye. He spits on the ground and a little bit of blood comes out, so he wipes it. He wipes his nose with a tissue and every other injured area he can see.

His opponent—Jughead learned his name is, ironically, Rorschach—is lying unconscious beneath his feet. He’s in a much worse state, with several ribs bound to be broken, nose out of its place, swollen eye and possible internal bleeding in his stomach from the time he hit Jughead a little bit too hard and earned himself a knee in the stomach.

Someone jumps into the ring. Jughead registers that people are cheering and booing, and giving each other money.

The person pushes him. “You could’ve fuckin’ killed him.”

“He could’ve handed over the match,” Jughead retorts. He stands still even though the guy tries to push him again; all that bothered him since Betty’s arrival that evening was gone and the monster perished somewhere along the punches. “He’s a good fighter and it was a fair fight.”

“Don’t you fuckin’ dare say it was a fair fight,” the guy tells him. He’s point a finger at Jughead, not having glanced up the unconscious fighter even once – something that makes Jughead doubt he was the problem. “He was barely standing on his feet and he couldn’t fight anymore—”

“That’s when people hand over, dude. If he thought he couldn’t, he would’ve handed over or had his ass kicked because of his pride,” Jughead says. His nose starts bleeding again so he puts the tissue below it, pressing lightly and trying not to wince at the pain. “It’s not my problem you bet on the wrong guy.”

The guy lunges and misses. Jughead doesn’t, so there’s three men with bloodied noses in the ring.

Jughead hands him a clean tissue. ��Take this and fuck off.”

Without another word, he walks out of the ring. He’s limping a little, but he figures it’s not bad enough to call Harvey for a ride, and he has Oxycodone in his bag. Nearly every part of his body is in some amount of pain, but the severest is his head, throbbing with each step he takes.

Some people pat him on the back, thinking him for earning them money. Jughead ignores them and he ignores the ones pushing him for making them lose their money; those who come to compliment him on his fighting he thanks, and those who ask him how he’s doing he lies to.

It’s been three years. He’s become a pro in this.

One of the guys who helped out with the organisation of the events walks up to him and immediately takes hold of his arm. Jughead leans into him and McAdams helps him get to the changing room.

“You stink,” McAdams tells him. “You were good today.”

McAdams sits on one of the benches and plays with Jughead’s spare pair of bandages. The fighter glances at his could-be-called-coach, taking a shower gel and a towel from his bag. He goes into the bathroom and turns on the shower. The water is hot and it burns, especially where he got hit, and he enjoys it more than he should. With closed eyes, he pretends what he’s feeling aren’t boxing injuries and that his knuckles aren’t bloodied from doing the same to someone else.

He thinks about water. How much he would love it to fill the entire bathroom and swim in it for a while; how he’d feel like a little baby, safe and floating and nothing would matter. No Riverdale, no New York, nothing.

He thinks about it but turns off the shower and the moment is gone.

With just a towel wrapped around him, Jughead enters the changing room. McAdams is still there, lying on a bench and humming to himself, not batting an eye to him. Minutes later, Jughead’s ready to go.

McAdams hands him a water bottle and Oxycodone. Doesn’t ask where he got it, because questions aren’t a concept around here.

Jughead takes it. It hurts his throat and he knows he’ll vomit later, but it’ll be worth it if the pain lessens.

“You can’t walk like this,” says McAdams. “Let me give you a lift.”

“No.”

“I’m your friend.”

“You’re not.” Jughead puts the dirty clothes into the bag and zips it, pulling on his coat. As soon as the bag’s over his shoulders, he’s out the door, with McAdams behind him and a little softer limp beneath him. “I can walk.”

McAdams puts a hand on his shoulder. Jughead clenches his teeth and shakes it off, but all McAdams does is glare at him. “I’ve know you for ages and I know nothing about you.”

Most of the people are gone by now, as Jughead was the last match of the day. He guesses the earlier ones weren’t as entertaining – the best on the repertoire is usually saved for the last. Some of those who stay are a part of the organisation and are cleaning up, and Jughead nods at the bouncer who’s moping the floor.

He and McAdams arrive to the booth near the entrance. It’s big enough for two men to comfortably sit in, but only one is here today and he’s grinning at Jughead.

“Two grand,” says Delgado. He hands the money through the hole in the glass and Jughead takes it.

He counts the numbers. It’s two thousand dollars. He puts it in his bag and looks at Delgado with tense shoulders and a mathematical problem running inside his mind. Delgado notices something’s up but waits for Jughead to say it, and Jughead feels a strong wave of hatred for the man.

He’s barely in his thirties, but could easily pass for a Godfather cast member.

“I thought it’d be seven grand,” Jughead tells him.

“They took the rest.”

Jughead nods. If they took the rest, then there’s no arguing.

He looks to his left but McAdams is gone and he breathes a sigh of relief. With Delgado he parts with a nod and before anyone else can jump him up, he’s out of the basement.

The building his little fight club is situated in is a corporate one, ran by the same guy who runs the club. It’s massive and well respected and as much as he’d like to call it a farce, he knows the guy’s successful both legally and illegally. Unlike him, Jughead can only wish to be as successful legally as he is illegally.

It takes him a little over an hour to get home. Oxycodone gave him a lift and he’s feeling all right, but he’s still himself enough to know he can’t push over his limits – so he walks a little slower, even though he could probably walk even faster.

It’s a drug, Jughead knows it, and he can’t think—everything is a little hazy—but he thinks he once worried he was getting addicted to it. To say it’s not a lovely feeling being on it would be a lie and he knows it, because any state where his past and his present and his potential future doesn’t cause him as much anxiety as it always does is a blissful state he would love to remain in forever.

He takes Oxycodone as little as he can. Sometimes, it’s what he depends on to survive.

With two grand in his bag and a drug in his bloodstream, Jughead stops at the corner where he finds some small newsstand. He pretends to check the offer for a couple of seconds, while he’s really waiting for his head to stop spinning so he can figure out what the hell he’s seeing.

“Malboro red,” Jughead says. Or, slurs.

The guy behind the stand eyes him up and down, probably staring at his broken nose or cut beneath his eye or some other spot where he got fucked up. Jughead waits there and eventually, he gets his cigarettes scan and pays for them with a hundred-dollar bill.

The guy raises his eyebrows.

Jughead sighs. Looks around. “And Snickers, too.”

Something chimes.

“Anything else?”

“And . . . a bottle of Jack Daniels.” It’s a split moment decision, just one of many he does today. “I know you sell it.”

“You over twenty-one?”

“Just give me the goddamn whiskey, man.”

The guy mutters something Jughead doesn’t catch and crouches, then comes back with two bottles of Jack Daniels. When Jughead raises his eyebrows at him, he says: “You look like you’re going through some ‘ruff time, man. One’s not gonna be ‘nuff.”

“Thanks.”

About ten minutes later, he’s home. He unlocks the front door with his key and it takes him nearly as long to get to the apartment, but he’s still standing on his feet when Harvey opens the door so he thinks he’s just all right.

“Jesus Christ,” Harvey says.

Jughead staggers forward, past Harvey, and into the apartment. He sets the untouched alcohol on the bar and plops down into one of the chairs, with an unlit cigarette between his teeth and his bag beside his feet.

“You look like shit,” Harvey says. He leaves and comes back a minute later with the medical equipment they have at the ready. Sitting down on the nearest chair, Harvey pulls himself closer to Jughead and looks at his face. “Are you going to smoke?”

“Haven’t decided yet.”

That was what Harvey needed to hear, so he takes the cigarette out of Jughead’s mouth and places it on the bar, because Jughead isn’t in the state to do it himself.

Through his a little less hazy vision and a little more pain, Jughead can see Harvey was waiting for him. There are dark circles beneath his eyes and the entire living room smells like he’s had at least two cups of coffee and a shit ton of paint whose smell he can’t get rid of even by opening all the windows. His hair is tousled, too, and he’s wearing a sweater and sweatpants instead of pyjamas. But he’s wide awake – or at least he became wide awake upon seeing what state Jughead came home in.

“Take off your clothes,” demands Harvey. His voice sound heavy and they both know neither of them wants to do this.

Jughead feels like he should make a joke about this, but his brain is too preoccupied with trying to ignore what’s happening to his body. He obliges, takes his shirt off with his friend’s help and tries not to wince every time he touches a part of skin that’s anything but pale beige.

Harvey lets out a string of swears which only get more creative and intense in pronunciation when Jughead takes off his pants.

Soft laugh comes from the fighter. “Now I’m not that different than one of your canvases, eh?”

Harvey clenches his jaw and gives Jughead a long, somewhat significant look he can’t decipher. “Are you high?”

“No, just a little buzzed. I’m on Oxycodone. As much as I needed to get me through the night,” Jughead says – or at least he thinks that what he says. It comes out slurred and not entirely comprehensible, but he’s sure Harvey gets the gist.

He always does.

When Harvey warms up his fingers and rubs Jughead’s bruises with some lotion or cream or whatever it is he uses to soothe the pain and make them heal faster, Jughead straightens his back. It hurts a little and he clenches his teeth, then relaxed them and says: “I got you some booze.”

A moment of silence passes, then Harvey takes another amount of lotion and applies it to Jughead’s side, right around the kidneys. “You sure you don’t have internal bleeding?”

“Yes. It doesn’t feel like that.”

“It’s pretty bad, though.”

“We’re going to need booze, Harvey. You can’t stitch me up if your hands are shaking.”

“What you need to do is go to the damn hospital, for once.”

Jughead shifts to the right and Harvey starts applying the lotion to the lower part of his back; it’s getting cold and hurts a little, but Jughead keeps mum about it. “They’d ask too many questions.”

“Jones, are you even aware of what kind of mess you are right now?”

With closed eyes, Jughead goes back to the blissful moments under the shower and wonders if he’s ever going to feel the pain the same way – like something that needs fixing, and not something that proves to him he’s still alive and kicking and helping. He recalls the hot water gliding down his body as he examined his injuries, with tears in his eyes every time he’d discover a new one and a new sting of pain would follow.

It’s just a list to him and he says it like that. “Entire left side is covered in bruises and the biggest one is a perfect shape of my opponent’s knee. My ribs hurt just a little, so they’re not broken. I’ll need stitches on my nose when you fix it, and stitches below my eye. My right ankle isn’t doing so well, I twisted it but I can still walk so it’s good. The skin on my knuckles ripped open and I’ll need to wear a different kind of bandages to heal it, but nothing I’m not used to. My back hurts, though, I couldn’t see that, but I think it’s just a massive bruise. Nothing cracked, there’s just one cut on my thigh that might need stitches, it’s quite deep, but that’s it. Nothing cracked. Nothing is irreparable.”

Harvey shakes his head and closes the tube, then puts it away. He looks defeated, or disappointed, or something third – Jughead’s world is now getting a little hazy from the pain he’s endured, and his thoughts are starting to lose any string of sense.

Soft hands touch his face, push his hair back. The hands are sticky, but it’s him who’s sweating.

“Jones, I wasn’t talking about that mess.”

Normal Jughead would understand the implications of this, he’s aware of that, but he barely knows what’s two and two – he might’ve gotten a concussion. Or not, hopefully, because he hasn’t vomited.

“What mess, then?”

Harvey’s lips tighter and eyes soften; he doesn’t want to say it. “I was talking about Betty.” He waits for a reaction and when none comes, he continues, “She came by about half an hour after you left. Told me what just happened between the two of you and told me to tell you to answer her calls. You left your phone at home and I didn’t tell her that, but she’s been texting you several times per hour.”

“I don’t give a fuck about that,” slurs Jughead. “And I don’t want to talk about her.”

“You do care and you need to talk, Jones,” Harvey tells him, firm and soft at the same time. “I know you’re hellbent on forgetting your past and all that, but she’s here now and it doesn’t look like she’s going to leave without answers.”

“Her answers are to fuck off and leave me alone.”

“I don’t believe that,” Harvey says, “and I don’t think you do, either.”

“I do,” Jughead says.

Then he thinks about it and it doesn’t take a psychic or a CIA agent to tell that’s a blatant, horrible lie. But it’s one he would give everything to believe in and for the last five years, he’s almost managed to accomplish it. Day by day and week by week eventually turned into year by year where he was becoming Forsythe Jones known as Jones more than he ever was Jughead Jones known as Jughead. But some parts of him will never die, and some ideas will never be extinguished, and he will always, even the littlest of bits, be a Jughead more than he could be a Jones.

It’s a lie and he’s a liar and that’s the truth he’s trying to make Betty see. He’d prefer to live a miserable life without her than drag her into this and get himself through everything he’s trying so hard to forget.

“My life doesn’t have a place for her,” he says quietly.

Resignation. That’s the only thing he feels before Harvey gives him a shot of Jack Daniels, and takes one for himself.

They spend the rest of the night patching him up.