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levis-hazelnut · 4 years ago

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Levi x Reader Hate At First Sight

Summary: after hearing about you getting into a fight with some Military Police, Erwin and Levi go to try and enlist you as a scout, much to Levi’s dismay. Though, after some months spent there, you found yourself to be disliked by many scouts.

(a/n: look at my baby his side profile he’s so beautiful. also i do not hate petra it’s just for the sake of the fic so please don’t @ me lmao)

You gripped your knees, your back hunched while your chest rose and sank as you tried to catch your breath. The reason you were running was that moments ago, some men tried to molest you. Though you were able to beat them down, you obviously didn't want to stay around that area of filthy MPs. Yes, they were everywhere, but that particular place isn't somewhere where you should be late in the evening. Only whores would walk around there. And you definitely aren't one of them. You may have the face and figure of one, but you would never stoop to that level just to get money and to pleasure foul men who treat women as objects. It's good that you're poor because then you have loose clothes that don't make your curvaceous body show. Walking at a slower pace, you made your way to your 'home' which was just a place behind a store, which had sacks piled on top of each other, making it comfortable enough to sleep there rather than the gelid ground. And to be able to get the owner to let you stay there, you had a massive dispute that caused you to get attention to yourself and you were on the verge of pulling out the blade you keep in your boot. But now, you are on good terms with him.

A lot of the friends you had didn't remain with you because of your temper. Or they would have been caught by the Military Police. Either way, you don't have any of your past friends. Hey, it's not your fault you would go out of control at any time, sometimes for no reason. Well, it is your fault but you didn't make yourself this way, so tell that to whatever god is up there.

You plopped down onto the stack of sacks, staring up at the midnight blanket, where stars sparkled in and the gleaming moon gazed down at you. As you rested your head on your arm and your other arm laid across your torso, your stomach slightly grumbled from being deprived of food. Sighing, you jumped up, heading inside the shop you laid behind. Thankfully, it was a small restaurant. As you walked in, the owner glanced at you with a frown. "(Y/N), it's closing time. Why are you coming in now?" You put a hand to your stomach. "Don't tell me. It's my hollow stomach." "Here." He chucked you a whole loaf of bread and an apple. "Now, leave. I've got to clean up." "Thanks.” Sitting back down, you threw the apple up in the air and caught it in your left hand as you ate the bread. After finishing the food, you relaxed and closed your eyes, so you could escape from the life you have and dream about living somewhere else, somewhere cosy, somewhere warm and more home-like. And maybe even someone you could spend your life with without them leaving you because of your fierceness or dying. ~/~ "Corporal Levi?" "What?" aforementioned person replied with an exasperated sigh. "Commander Erwin said he needs to talk to you." "Tch. Okay." He walked away with profanities soaring through his mind, wanting to just go to his office and avoid people that were getting on his nerves. Stepping into the Commander's office, he crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned against the wall after shutting the door. "What do you want?" The Commander gestured to a chair in front of him so the other male could sit down and he could inform him of the situation. "A while ago, in Wall Sina, there was a woman who got in a fight with a few Military Police and took off with ODM gear. She isn’t a soldier or anything, so she most likely hadn't handled gear before, but she was able to use it with ease, meaning she's someone skilled." "So?" "We need to go get her to enlist as a scout." "Tch. Why? She already sounds shitty and bratty." "We're going tonight, Levi." He stood up and left the office, clicking his tongue. All he wanted was to avoid people and now, he has to go get some bitch who probably doesn't even know how to wipe their ass. An hour, or so, ago... A group of four Military Police surrounded you, all of them having smug expressions that made you want to punch them in their faces... and then their balls. You wouldn't let them get away with only a punch to the face. Who do they think you are? A princess? You steal some gear thingy, that looked intriguing to you, from one of them and suddenly you're the bad guy? These idiots think they can beat you as well. You could just laugh. "Do you really think you can beat me?" you chuckled. You did just laugh. "We don't want to hurt you, darlin'. Just give us back the gear." "Who said you can call me darlin'?" you snarled and fly kicked one of them. He ended up slamming against the building behind him, sliding down the wall, knocked out. You charged at another, kicking their crotch and punching the top of his head as he dropped onto the ground with a thud.

Two more left... One of them came towards you with their fist drawn back to punch you with a force meant to harm you but you caught their fist and twisted their arm, pushing it towards their chest as they let out a cry of pain. You thrust your foot at his abdomen as he held his arm, groaning.

"Are you really going to try and beat me?" The last one only smirked, approaching you, so you pulled out the blades from the equipment you took from him and pressed it to his neck. He froze on the spot and gulped, cold sweat appeared on his flesh and dropped with a patter on the ground. "I'm going to give you five seconds to take your comrades and get your asses out of here." You put the blade back into its place and watched the panicking man pick up the other dirty humans and hurry away, not wanting to wait to see what you would do after five seconds. Ignoring the people gawking at you, you dusted your clothes before figuring out how to use the gear to head to your favourite shop, wanting something to drink. You were able to do it with ease, flying through the doors and swiftly landing on your feet. The bell rang to notify people that someone came in.

You sat on your table. Yes, it was your table and all the regulars knew that after seeing you pound a man for taking your table. Ever since then, no one has sat at that table apart from the drunk idiots who want your attention or people that haven't been to this place yet. It was near the window and it had the sofa seat so you would lean your back against the window, stretching your legs across the seat. You placed the equipment you took on the table.

"Oi, Luis," you called to the owner, and he looked at you from where he was at the counter. "The usual." He nodded at you and proceeded to make you your black tea with no sugar. After about five minutes, he placed the cup of tea in front of you as you handed him some money you were able to 'earn', paying him for the food he gave you the last few days as well. But you always got a discount so it wasn't too much of a problem for you to stea-- earn a bit of dough. "Hi, (Y/N)~" Yay, another drunken fool trying to hit on you. You rolled your eyes, disregarding his presence that sat opposite you as you drank your tea. He was saying shit you weren't listening to. But, seriously, who gets drunk during the day? He's probably just another jerk whose wife ran away from and took most of his money or something like that. All these snobby, egotistic people, who live within Wall Sina, piss you off to the extent that you want to make sure that their pained screams reach Wall Rose, so that those citizens would know what would happen if they pissed you off. "Hey, idiot, I'm going to give you three seconds to get out of my sight," you growled. All he did was smirk and lean over the table, trying to get closer to you. You punched him the middle of his face, but it didn't look like he could feel it. You stood up and dragged him off the seat, kicking him over and over as he laid on the sparkling, marble floor. "Hey, hey, hey!!" Luis jogged up to you. "(Y/N), you need to stop beating up my customers! Soon, you'll be my only customer." "Tell this bastard to get the fuck out and leave me alone, then." "I can't kick someone out for you." "Tch." You trudged out of the shop, wandering around the streets, hiding from any MPs that walked past, so you could evade another fight since you weren't in the mood for any action. "Hey, (Y/N)!" "Moritz," you greeted as he came up to you. "I haven't seen you in a while." "Just trying to stay away from any bastards. So, get away from me," you joked to which he chuckled softly. "My offer still stands... I'd like a daughter like you." "Sorry, Moritz. Leon isn't my type." "My son is in love with you. He's a kind and soft lad and if I'm being fair, he's handsome." "Exactly. That isn't my type. I want someone strong, feisty and someone able to handle my temper and maybe get into heated arguments with me. But of course, I want someone attractive." Several hours later... "Levi, are you ready?" "Yes." The stoic man let out a heavy breath and proceeded to leave his office, following the tall blonde. They both got their gear before leaving the building and entering a carriage waiting for them. "Why is this brat special? There are so many cadets that can use ODM gear." "As I said before, she isn’t a soldier and was able to use it without practice." "What's her name?" "(Y/N) (L/N)." The rest of the journey was quiet, only a few words of what they were going to do and the occasional click of the tongue because of how long the trip was. Finally, they arrived in front of a classy restaurant and it was filled with people due it being the evening when couples go there. You shimmied past the couples all dressed up in fancy clothes and you were able to make it out of it. Looking back over your shoulder, you rolled your eyes before frowning when you saw two men standing in front of you. You crossed your arms over your chest and arched an eyebrow. "Look, I took your friend's gear hours ago. Why are you still chasing after me? It's not that big of a deal." "Are you (Y/N) (L/N)?" the taller male asked. "... Yes. What do you want?" "May I see the gear you were talking about?" "Are you going to take it?" "No." "Okay. Follow me." You walked to your pile of sacks, expecting them to be behind you but they were in their place. "You coming or what?" They slowly approached you, wary of their surroundings. "What is this place?" the stoic male questioned, clearly disgusted. "Welcome to my humble abode." You ignored his criticism. You looked about for the gear but you couldn't find it, that's when you realised that you had left it in the restaurant. You hoped that no one took it. You sighed and looked into the restaurant, telling the two males where you left it, so they dismissed you, allowing you to get it and they followed you but waited outside. You opened the door, pushing people out of the way. "Move out the way, you fucking arrogant idiots," you muttered. You looked around your table where a couple sat but you didn't care since you weren't going to sit there and there wasn't any other space. You frowned when you didn't see it. Who the fuck took it? ... Oh, they did. There were two men and a woman on a table with the gear in front of them as they all put their nasty hands on it. The woman was drunk and holding a wine glass filled with a red liquid, one of the men was smoking and the other had a beer. You barged through the crowd, striding to their table. "Excuse me. This is mine." You tried taking it, but the man closest to you stopped you from doing that as he stood up, coming closer to you so you backed away. You could smell the cigarettes emitting from him as you held your breath at the foul smell. "Now, why would I let you take this without anything in return?" "Tch. Give it before I prevent you from having kids." "I wouldn't mind having a baby with a gal like you." "Get your breath out of my face. And give it to me. I swear, I'll knock you down so you won't be able to get up ever again," you grumbled. "I like my women feisty." You punched his left cheek and he stumbled back into his seat as you picked up the gear, turning around to face the entrance but all you saw was more people entering. Okay, you didn't care anymore. You swiped a man and stepped on him to get closer to the door but a woman came in your way, her boobs blocking your way. You slid through what little space there was and jumped over a short person, enabling you to exit and go back to the two men outside. The one with blue eyes looked surprised as you passed him the material. "That was impressive." "What?" "How you got past all those people." "Eh, it was nothing." "Anyway, are you able to use this properly?" "Yes. It isn't that hard." "Can you show me your skills with it?" "Why? Wait... how do you even know my name? Who are you people?" you inquired after realisation hit you. "I'm Commander Erwin Smith and this is Corporal Levi Ackerman. We're from the Scout Regiment and we heard that you got into a fight with some MPs and you were able to easily use this so I wanted to see your skills and see if you're worthy of becoming a scout." "Why would I want to join you? All of you are stupid to leave the walls to fight titans. I don't want to become like you. And there are a lot who don't even know how to fight and I don't want to fight with morons,” you responded. "Yes, I don't have a great life but it's better than risking it to go do something stupid. I don't care if you're the Commander and he's Humanity's Strongest Soldier, I'm not becoming a scout." "Tch. We don't do something stupid, we fight for humanity. You only fight to get away from trouble. I don't know why we have to save the likes of you but we do and we don't do it because we want to, we do it because we have to. And they may be idiots, but they're damn good soldiers who shouldn't be ill spoken about by someone like you," Levi growled lowly, venom laced in his words. 'Someone like you', who does this fucking midget think he is? You were probably around his height but women are generally shorter than men. You narrowed your eyes and proceeded to thrust your fist at his face but he dodged it before headbutting you. He punched your nose, causing it to bleed and he struck your gut straight after. He threw punches at you, one after another, until you had enough, bringing your leg up to kick the side of his head. He put his hand there, weakening the blow, and grabbed your ankle, slamming you down onto the stone ground. You felt slightly dizzy but you shook it off, standing up immediately, ramming your knuckles into his face and you tried to trip him over but he kept his balance. After punches being thrown and both of you being beaten up, to finish the fight off, he slid behind you and twisted your arm behind your back, stepping on your foot as his other hand held your wrist by your side. You tried shaking him off, but it was futile. He twisted your arm more, getting a quiet hiss of pain from you. "You may be able to beat up some useless MPs but we, at the Scout Regiment, are nothing like them. You better think twice before you try to fight with me." "Thank you, Le--" Erwin started but was cut off. "(Y/N)?" a gentle voice uttered, and you turned your head towards it. "What are you doing here, Leon?" "I-I came here to see you..." he shyly said, his ginger hair hiding his emerald eyes as he gazed at the ground where blood trailed. "What's happening? Who are these men?" He looked back up with concern pooling in his orbs. "It's nothing. Do you want to talk about something?" "It can wait. It looks like you have to deal with something." "Oi, get off of me. I won't try to put up a fight, or run away." "I don't trust you." You clicked your tongue and lifted your foot up to kick his groin but he wrapped his leg around yours so you weren't able to strike him. "Can I not talk to him?" you snapped. "Levi, let her go." "Idiot," you murmured loud enough so he was able to hear but he didn't say anything. You walked up to the boy. "Leon, I don't think you should tell me anything important because I don't know if I'm going to be able to see you after today. They're from the Survey Corps and they want to enlist me. I don't want to go, but it looks like they're going to force me." "But--" You could see the tears welling up in his pretty eyes. "I love you, (Y/N)." "I know. But that's how it is. Sorry." You didn't sound sorry at all, your tone was your usual dull, yet harsh one, but you genuinely did feel a bit of compassion for him. After two years of trying to get you to be his wife, you're going to leave his life without leaving any feelings for him. He was a gentleman and you liked him, however, not as a lover or whatever, he was just delightful to have around. You didn't want to leave him like this so you embraced him, gently rubbing his back and whispering a few words. "Will you ever come back?" "I don't know. It's a high possibility that I won't." "If you do, will you marry me then?" "We'll have to see," you smiled; it was the first smile you ever let break out onto your lips since you were around ten. "Tch. Why did I come to see this?" "Shut up, Levi. Just be glad that you'll have a valuable soldier on your side." A scowl replaced your smile. He scoffed. "We've got plenty of useful soldiers, including myself." "I might see you later, Leon. Bye." "Bye, (Y/N)." He took your hand and softly kissed it. And with that, you left the boy in heartbreak and started a new life as a scout after showing them your skills, which Levi scoffed at so you backhanded him. On the way to headquarters, you and Levi sat opposite each other and argued as Erwin silently sat there, wishing for the ride to be over. Since the journey was long and it was around midnight, you had fallen asleep after some time, allowing peace to settle into the carriage. Once you reached HQ, Erwin stepped out and stood by the carriage, waiting for you and Levi to get off. "Oi, brat, get up." Levi tried to awake you. "Brat, wake up." "Who you calling brat?" you asked tiredly, failing to convey your irritation. "You. Now, shut up and get out." "Tch. Don't go telling me what to do, Ackerman," you muttered angrily, too tired to put up a fight. All three of you entered the building and coincidentally, you were walking next to Levi, starting another argument so Erwin walked in between the both of you, leading you to his office, while Levi went to his.

"Take a seat, (Y/N),” he told you. "This is the key to your room. We'll fill out the paperwork and do everything tomorrow. For now, just go sleep and I'll tell you all you need to know tomorrow." "Whatever." You left his office after he told you the directions to your room and you went there, finding a single bed with a bedside table that had a lit lantern. The first thing you wanted to do was have a shower since you felt sweaty from all the action you had today. Once you showered, you went straight to bed, snuggling into the blanket, able to have a good night's sleep for once in ages. ~/~ After changing into your uniform, you looked at your reflection. It fit you very well but you didn't want it to. You don't like showing your curves, but it's not that you feel insecure with people looking, you just don't like it. You don't want your body to be the thing that attracts people and you don't want people coming after you because of your alluring figure. With no hesitation, you would punch anyone that tries to touch you. As you were told to, you went to Erwin's office before breakfast started, ignoring the gazes that were focused on your form. You rolled your eyes as you stepped into his office, slamming the door behind you. "Gosh, these idiots don't know how to keep their eyes in their sockets." You turned your head to the door, not noticing Erwin's cerulean eyes on you. He blinked to break himself out of his daze and cleared his throat as he gestured to the seat in front of him. You sat down casually, not caring about being formal. "Sit up, (Y/N)." "Tch." "Sit up," he repeated. "You shouldn't disobey your superiors." You sighed and did as he said. "Happy?" "I've got these papers for you to sign," he told you as he handed a few sheets. "And these papers have information that you'll need to know but I'm going to go through it with you. I'm going to put you in Hanji's command..." After about half an hour, you were able to leave his office and make it for breakfast. You entered the mess hall with him and grabbed some food, sitting down on an empty table since you have yet to get to know these people and you thought that people would come up to you first. "Who is she?" "Mmm~ Look at that ass." "Look at those boobs." "You lot are pervs." "You only say that because you have Krista." "Yeah, and she's better than whoever that woman is." "I think she's pretty." "She's certainly not ugly." "Eren?" "Mikasa, do you not say anything else?" "Eren?" "What?" "Stop ogling her." "I-I wasn't." "Yeah, right, Jaeger. Wipe the drool from your mouth." "I'm the one drooling? You look like you have rabies." "You want to take this outside?" "Both of you, stop being children." You glanced at the table making the most noise and saw that all ten of them were looking in your way. Some averted their eyes as others smiled at you, however, you gave a cold stare in return before looking back at your food. It wasn’t exactly intentional to look at them like that, it's basically just your usual expression. "Did you see that?" "She may be pretty, but she's rude." "Who does she think she is? Looking at us like that." "I didn't see what happened." "Of course you didn't. You were too busy stuffing your face with food." "I think we should go talk to her." "Yeah, teach her a lesson." "Guys, sit down. You can't do that do a new person." "Yeah, guys, what's wrong with you?... Wait like a week, then you can teach her a lesson." "Jean! Don't encourage them!" "Oi, you lot?" You stood at their table, their heads turning your way as they had just noticed that you were there. "If you try to beat me up, you'll be s-- What the hell are you doing?!" you yelled at the person on your left who just touched your ass. "Feeling your ass," he stated nonchalantly. "You people are pervs. I agree with whoever that it is." "Whoever that it is, is Ymir," said girl inserted. They all introduced themselves to you but you couldn't be any less interested. "Okay, whatever. I don't give a shit about who you are. I came here to tell you that if you, Eren, Ymir, Jean and Reiner, try to beat me up, you'll be sorry. And I don't understand, do you want to grope my ass or beat it, Reiner?" "Who said I can't do both?" he smirked as you rolled your eyes, about to go back to your table. "Wait, (Y/N). Why don't you sit with us?" "So I can get harassed? No, thanks." "Just sit with us. We promise we won’t do anything," Jean told you. With slight reluctance, you got your plate from the other table and sat on the end of the table next to Armin, everyone focused on you as you spoke about your life before you came here.

At times, you would notice brown eyes belonging to a strawberry-blonde girl and grey eyes belonging to a raven man flutter towards you, but every time you looked up, they pretended as if they weren't staring at you. You could feel their glares burn into you. And you knew Levi's stare was of anger, but what was that girl's problem? ~/~ You wore a vest top and shorts, training with Reiner who volunteered to, probably just so he could see you with fewer clothes on. It's been going on for the past few weeks. You were a bit distracted during training because you felt as if someone was watching you and they were giving off a dark aura. You looked around but couldn't find anyone. "(Y/N), are you okay?" "Yeah. Come on." You waited for him to attack you and he did but you were able to knock him down before you saw the cause of the dark aura in the distance. "Hey, you!" you shouted, going towards them. "Do you have something to say to me?" You crossed your arms over your chest. "No. Nothing at all." She clenched her jaw. "You're Petra, right?" "Yeah. Actually, I do want to tell you something, you stay away from Corporal Levi," she growled, scrunching your vest in her fist. "Woah, Petra! What are you doing to (Y/N)?" Reiner jogged up to the two of you. Damn, now you can't beat the crap out of her. She let go of you and put on a bright smile, facing Reiner who knew that that smile was fake. "Nothing. I was just giving her some advice about making friends." "We need to train so leave us alone," Reiner took your arm protectively and dragged you away, but you protested. "Wait. I'll train with Petra today," you smirked devilishly. "No." "Oi, Petra! How about you spar with me?" "... Why?" "Just." You shrugged. "Sure," she agreed when she saw Levi come outside of the building, taking the chance to get his attention. You knew she wasn't strong enough for her to beat you, so this wouldn't end well for her. You both got into a fighting stance, before you threw your fist forward at her face, but you stopped just before you hit her so she dodged the potential blow and wasn't able to elude the kick you gave at her side. She was about to topple over but she caught herself, not letting you be victorious just yet. She attempted to punch your gut but you blocked it by making a cross over yourself. A crowd formed around you two, including the Corporal that Petra seemed obsessed about. But, of course, with his short stature, he wasn't able to see who exactly was fighting, so he pushed people out of the way, able to reach the front and see you and Petra. She tried to trip you over but that failed miserably and she fell flat on her face. A few from the huddle snickered quietly as others applauded even though it wasn't a real win. You crouched down and whispered, "Good luck in impressing that stubborn idiot." You got back up, grabbed your uniform and walked off, ignoring Levi who called for you. "Hanji!" you called to get her attention as she strolled through the castle. "Yes?" "Does Petra like Levi or something?" "I think so, yes. Why are you asking?" "During my training, she was watching me and she said to stay away from him. We got into a small fight which quickly ended because of her stupidity. I'm guessing the only reason this happened is that she's jealous. But she's moronic if she thinks that I would try to move to Levi." "Who's moronic?" a familiar voice spoke from behind you. You turned around. "Petra. Why the fuck would she think that I like you? You're bothersome, you're stubborn, you're irritating, you're an ass, you annoy the hell out of me and you're a bastard." "Thanks," he replied sarcastically. "The same can be said about you." "Tch. Shut it, Ackerman." "You know, you have a temper problem. And you shouldn't talk to me like that." "This is who I am. I can talk to you in any way I like." "You might not be able to talk after I knock your teeth out," he threatened with a glare. "I'm not scared of you." "We'll see about that," he muttered before walking away. "And put some clothes on." "What did you do to Shorty to make him so angry with you?" "I called soldiers stupid. Got in a fight with him. We've argued a lot of times." "Oof. I would have advised you to stay on his good side." "Too late." You shrugged. "It won't last long. He'll soften up after some time." "I don't think he will. Whatever, I need to go 'put some clothes on'." "Okay. Can I borrow you after for help with experiments?" Hanji asked slowly, hoping you wouldn't yell at her like last time, saying how you didn't give a sh*t about it. "No," you bluntly said as you left her, going to your room but was stopped by an annoying figure who you rolled your eyes at. "Looking good, (Y/N)." "Shut up." "You look a little dirty, want to have a shower with me?" You grabbed Jean's collar and brought your face close to his, a glare etched on your visage as you saw his Adam's apple move down and then back into its place as he gulped. "Shut the hell up and I'll let this one time slide." He nodded and scurried off once you let you go of him, entering your room and locking the door behind you. You decided to shower since you were covered in sweat and you felt nasty. ~/~ "Eurgh, look who it is," a voice whispered a little too loud as you entered the mess hall for breakfast, striding to your usual table with a few of people that you don't mind being around and the few that aren't annoying you or bothering you in any way. "She doesn't belong here." "You know, I heard that before she came here she worked in a brothel." "Everyday, she wears her vest top and short shorts, acting like a slut." "The other day, she was being a bitch to me. She laughed at my figure when I was looking in my reflection. Then, she said that no one would love me when I have a body like this." "I've heard that she's flirted with every man she's had contact with." This has been going on for at least three months: people making fun of you, talking about you, pushing you about, calling you names and such. You haven't taken any of it to heart, but you wondered what happened to make nearly everyone despise you. Everyone but superiors and the ten scouts you had befriended first, and even though Levi dislikes you, he doesn't contribute to the crowd that is being cruel to you. He already hated you from the start. "They're still going at it?" "Forget about them," Erwin told you. "How can I when they're practically saying it to me? All of what they're saying isn't even true. And they shouldn't try to start a fight with me because I'll beat the sh*t out of them." "Well, you are a bitch, so that's true," Levi murmured. "Ackerman, I suggest you shut up before I beat the shit out of you." You rammed your heel into his foot under the table since you were opposite him. "Tch. You should be happy that some of us aren't part of those dumb brats." "Dumb?" you repeated. "So, you're saying that they're dumb for saying all that stuff about me?" "... No... They're stupid in general." "Mhm." "What was that?" He frowned. "What?" "That 'mhm'." "Nothing." After staring at each other questioningly, you both went quiet as the other superiors on your table carried on their own conversations. Halfway through breakfast, you felt something cold and wet being poured onto your head, soaking your shirt and falling down your shirt which sent a shiver through you. You stood up and turned around to the laughing bastards, kicking the boy in the nuts and slapping the girl which shut them up. "What the fuck is your problem?! What did I do to you?!" "Someone decided to go braless today," the girl whispered to the other. You looked down and felt your cheeks growing red, out of rage and embarrassment. Something landed on your head and hung over your chest. You realised that it was a cape that Levi threw at you, which you wrapped around yourself before heading to your room to change out of the drenched clothes that you had just changed into. "Why the hell are you doing this? Yeah, she can be a brat, but all of you are, so I don't know why you lot are acting like this towards her when she didn't do anything. Both of you have kitchen duty for two months. If I see you one of you two do anything to her, you won't see the end of it." "Yes, sir." "Now, get the hell out of my face," Levi ordered as he sat back down in his seat, the others on the table looking at him with surprise. Who knew he would stand up for you like that? "What are you looking at?" "How come you stood up for (Y/N) like that?" Miche asked. "I didn't stand up for her. I was scolding them for acting like that towards a cadet." "Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say," Hanji said quietly with a smirk. "You shut up, Shitty Glasses." "I'm just saying that I don't think you would have done that for any other scout." "... That may be true, but they're mistreating (Y/N) for no reason." "Getting close to her, are we?"

"Tch. Just shut up." "Shorty has a crush~" Hanji sang in a low voice near his ear as she sat next to him, her 'best friend'. "I've only known her for five damn months. How could I already like her?" "Why are you asking me? And five months isn't that short, it's quite long if you think about it." "I don't care. I don't like her." "Okay~ Whatever you say~" Levi shot daggers at her before going back to eating in silence, not interacting with any more annoying people who seem to have a habit of bothering him nearly every day. One day, they'll leave him and he can live in serenity. One day, when all the titans are rid of and he can leave this shithole. All he has to do wait for that damn day that's taking its time to arrive. Can't it be a little more considerate? "I have to agree with Hanji. You seem to be a little protective over (Y/N)," Erwin stated after some time. "I. Don't. Fucking. Like. That. Brat." "Calm down, Levi. It's not a bad thing to like (Y/N)," Moblit teased. "Tch." The raven stood up and left the mess hall as he could hear the others laughing at him in the background. He slammed the door shut and trudged to his office with a scowl. He found you standing outside his office, your hand reaching for the handle but you stopped when you saw him come your way. "What are you doing, brat?" "I was going to give you your cape back. Thanks," you muttered. "Shut up," he grumbled, snatching the material from your hands and stepping into his office, locking the door. "Oi! Why are you telling me to shut up when I said thanks?" you shouted. "Get away from my office!" he yelled back. You rolled your eyes and started to go back to the mess hall. "Last time I thank you, bastard," you mumbled to yourself. ~/~ Your door shut with a bang after you had stormed into it, and leaned your back against the wood, hiding your face in your hands as you cried. Your legs gave out so you dropped to the ground with your legs arched and your arms resting on your knees as you placed your head on your arms, feeling tears drop onto your lap, seeping through your clothes. Two minutes later, you heard laughing, yelling and then footsteps approach your room. Light knocks sounded from the door with the soft call of your name. You knew who it was, but didn't respond so they turned the handle, slowly pushing the door open, however, you prevented that from happening by sitting by the door. They slid through the small gap before closing the door again, crouching down to you. "(Y/N)." "Leave me alone!" you shouted, though it was muffled behind your sobs and your face was hidden. "No. You obviously need someone right now." "I hate you! I hate all of them! Just get the fuck out!!" you roared, tearing your face away from your arms and looking at Levi's gentle expression. He didn't seem startled at all. "... Why are they doing this to me?" you whispered and concealed your face again, not wanting Levi to see you in this state. "Ignore them." "You know, it's all that Petra's fault. The bitch is envious of me and just wants to break me down into nothing. All because she's in love with you and she thinks that I like you!" "Tch. I don't even like her. She can fuck off. And how is doing this going to make me fall for her? I was wondering why she was being more clingy than usual," he muttered, but it was more to himself before he turned his attention back to you. "Don't let her break you down. You're a strong woman, so don't let something petty like this ruin you." "What am I meant to do? You don't know how hard it is to overlook them. You don't know how hard it is to keep a straight face when I'm hurting inside. I don't care if Petra may be making them do this, I hate it!" Surprisingly, you felt arms loop around your cowered form and haul you onto Levi's lap which made you remove your head from your arms again, looking at the raven, who was now right in front of you and gazing at your bloodshot eyes. He gently wiped your tears away and brushed a few (H/C) tresses that stuck to your tear-stained face.

More tears escaped as you shoved your face into his chest, soaking his shirt with the salty moisture and snot. He cradled you in his arms until you stopped crying which was about under an hour. "Are you okay now?" "Yeah. Thank you," you murmured as you wiped your face with tissue that Levi got for you. "Don't mention it. Do you need to talk?" "What's there to talk about? Petra hates me so she got people to make my life hell and I broke down." "I don't know how you were able to put up with it for half a year." "Barely. I just put on a poker face." Levi gently grabbed your chin in between his index finger and thumb, tilting your head towards him as you saw a slight smile creep onto his lips. "Don't hide your feelings anymore," he whispered before tenderly kissing you, his eyes fluttering shut. You were taken aback before you were brought back to your senses, finding yourself kissing him back as you cupped his face with a single hand. One of his hands trailed up from your hips to your scalp, tangling his slender fingers in your tousled locks. He was the first to pull away with gleaming orbs gazing at you with affection, licking away the strand of saliva that connected his lips to yours. "I'll always be here for you. To protect you, to talk, to comfort you, or whatever else you want." "Thank you, Levi," you hummed, leaning your forehead against his, pecking his lips once more. "Come on. Let's go eat." "I don't want to go," you said with pleading eyes. "I told you that I'll be here for you. You have to eat something before you sleep." "Please, don't make me go." "Just sit with me. I'll make sure that no one does anything to you." "I can't." "You need to endure it to become stronger. I'll be right next to you, okay?."

Sighing shakily, you stood up with a nod. "Okay." "I like seeing this vulnerable side of you," Levi teased as he walked out of your room, you padding beside him. "Shut up. You aren't allowed to tell anyone about this." The Corporal only smirked as you rolled your eyes.

As you strolled through the corridors to get to the mess hall, a few people were lingering, standing on the side and snickering when you went past. You tried to ignore them, though, it was difficult. "I heard that she got Corporal Levi drunk to sleep with her." "I can't, Levi. I'm going back to my room." You proceeded to turn and walk away but he grabbed your forearm. "(Y/N)." He cupped your face with both of his hands, making you face him but you averted your eyes, feeling tears welling up. "Look at me." You reluctantly brought your eyes back to his. "She's a whore. She tried to make me have sex with her and my friend. She wanted a threesome!" "Levi, I'm going." You tried freeing yourself from his hold, but he didn't let you. "No. Look at me. Ignore them." "How am I meant to ignore them?!" "Look at me!" he commanded. "... You can ignore them if you put your mind to it. Don't let them cause you grief because then it pains me to see you hurt. I don't like seeing you in pain so don't get affected by them. Ignore them and keep your eyes on me." A tear rolled down your cheek so he embraced you tightly, stroking your back soothingly. He let out an inaudible huff, wishing he could relieve your pain. "I won't force you to go to the mess hall. Go to my office, I'll bring you food." You nodded and pulled away from his grip. When you made your way to his office, people would say or do things but you stayed strong, and you were kind of proud of yourself once you made it into his office. You sat down on his sofa, waiting for him to come back. About five minutes later, the raven appeared with a tray of two bowls, bread and two glasses of water. He settled it onto his desk after you helped him clear the surface. You both sat down and ate together, allowing him to see your smile that he was deprived of ever since people started to harass you. After years of dreaming of having a home, having someone to stay with you, they came true. You have someone strong, feisty and you're sure you'll have plenty more heated arguments to come. On top of it all, he was damn sexy.

#levi ackerman #levi x reader #aot #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #snk #snk imagines #aot imagines #levi ackerman x reader #reader insert #x reader #attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin #i dont hate petra

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knockknockchicagopd · 4 years ago

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❛ OH, SHE ISN'T PLAYING ❜

❚❙ REQUEST BY @ocetevasgirl: Hola preciosa! Can I request prompt 8 from the fluff list with Voight? Love you 💖

❚❙ PROMPTS: “You're jealous, aren't you?” “You're calling that jealousy? If she/he can still use her/his legs, I'm not being jealous”.

❚❙ HANK VOIGHT MASTERLIST.

❚❙ WORDS: about 2k.

❚❙ A/N: this writing hasn’t been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I’m sorry about that. If you find a description about body or a word out of place, or something that it makes you feel uncomfortable / unrepresented, let me know by a private message and I will change it delighted.

❚❙ GIF credits: to my amazing @sonsofeorl.

❚❙ Tag list: @melblacc @rebelwrites @skyofficialxx @sesamepancakes @scarletsoldierrr @mondefantastique @that-chick212 @enbyamaro @inlovewith3 @ocetevasgirl @sophie-writes. If you want to be added to my tag list, send me a message.

Since you saw this morning Olivia Benson walking downstairs accompanied by Voight, your good mood got burned into ashes just in a sight. He hadn't told you that she was going to come and, actually, he hadn't why to tell you. For him, it's only part of his job. But you know it's something else for her. You have seen her how she looks at your man. The unjustified and unnecessary touches on his back, on his arm. The stupid smiles she draws to him, that you would be delighted of erasing using your fist.

You have never, ever, been the kind of jealous girl. You trust your boyfriend blindly, but you don't trust her. You can't. You have tried it with all your efforts, but then you heard her laughing for no reason and Hank responding with a fleeting smile. You haven't talked him about how you feel, because the age gap between both makes you look stupid sometimes. Fortunately, you're professional enough to not let these things affect your job and your relationship. You have learnt how to hide your emotions, even if sometimes your friends suspect that something is going on by the tic that makes you blink your left eye unconsciously.

Aware that he must be there with his amazing friend, Kim places a hand on your shoulder trying to encourage you to cross the entrance and come into the Molly's. Licking your lips as you calm yourself a little, you nod pushing the door to be embraced by the warm atmosphere inside it, covering you from the cold breeze of Chicago. Letting your eyes travel around the place, you greet some of your friends waving a hand, before landing your gaze on your boyfriend. He turns at that exact moment, not even trying to contain a smile. You show him another back, but his disappears when he sees you passing him away straight to the Unit's table without greeting him. And Olivia notices it, but you don't care.

“What's up, trouble?” Jay pulls down your hair, earning a laugh from you.

“Platt said you crashed a patrol”. Wrinkling your nose in a funny gesture, after Adam's words, you take a seat next to him.

“These aren't the things you have to learn from us, you know it, right?” Antonio makes you all chuckle, calling to his sister raising a finger to ask for more beers.

“I caught the bad guy, didn't I?”

“Yeah, crashing a car”. Atwater raises his eyebrows, leaning over the table.

“But I caught the bad guy, that's my job not to take care of the cars. I'm not a mechanic…”

“BUT A COP!” You all say in unison, as always, like a famous quote.

As soon as the beers arrive, you make another toast for your car lost in action. And everything is fun until you feel a presence behind you and the silence gets installed around your table. Gulping and licking your bottom lip, as your friends drink from their bottles trying to pretend that you all weren't doing what you were doing, you turn around over your stool forcing a smile.

“Having fun, officer (Y/L/N)?” Platt's voice gives you the kind of shivers you can hide.

“No, no, n— I mean… yes”. The look on her face causes you to swallow again. “I me—mean, no?”

“It's a simple question. Yes or no”.

“Trudy, leave the kid alone”.

Saved by the bell. Your hero.

“Crash a car is part of our tradition, ain't it?” Hank tries to put some humor in the situation, traveling his eyes from her to you.

“Hm”. The woman just replies, before walking away.

You don't know about what kind of tradition he is talking of, but at least he has saved your ass. Again. Not being able to look at him, you sip from your beer trembling yet. Probably, tomorrow Crowley will ask for a convincing explanation. I caught the bad guy will not work with her, that's for sure. Feeling a soft touch in your lower back, you raise your orbs from the bottle to your boss, who makes a brief move with his chin to point at the back door at the end of the bar. You don't want to go, you know exactly what it's going to happen and you just want to forget the intense day you have had. But he raises his eyebrows with that cockiness usual on him, about to drag you if you don't put down from your stool.

With an imperceptible sight, you end up obeying in silence under the attentive eyes of your friends. Hank walks behind you with both hands in the pocket of his jeans, as you wear your jacket to zip it above your chest. The fresh air hits your face once you reach the Molly's back alley, resting your back against the wall with your face bowed to your military black boots. Placing himself in front of you, he studies thoroughly your gesture, your lips pressed and the lack of eye contact.

“What's the matter?”

Shaking your head slightly, you cross one leg behind the other, putting your hands on your lower back.

“You're jealous, aren't you?”

Letting go an exaggerated chuckle, you roll your eyes before gluing them on him. “You're calling that jealousy? If she can still use her legs, I'm not being jealous”.

“It ain't a good moment to be sarcastic, sweetheart”.

“I'm not. She is just a colleague, right?”

Hank nods in silence tilting his head closer and you're sure he can hear your heart speeding up under your skin. He always does that, putting you nervous only to prove the power he has on you, on your body, on your senses. And you hate him. You hate how proud he feels because of it. The grin on his face causes a chill down your spine, standing up from the wall to pretend that he is wrong, that he doesn't control your reactions.

“Hm… Good to know you're conscious of her position. She's gonna stay in my house tonight. We didn't plan to need more than one day and she doesn't have a place”.

For a moment, the image of you punching his face runs your mind, keeping your hands inside the pockets of your jacket to close them in two fist until you feel your nails hurting your palms. There are a lot of replies to his words stuck in your throat, but if it's a proof of trust, you would fail miserably. This is a clash of titans and you're not going to let him win.

“That's fine”. You respond squinting at him, taking a step ahead almost facing Hank. “Anything else?”

“No”.

“Okay”.

With a feigned smile, you turn to the left to leave the alley and come back to your private party, which means to get drunk until Burgess and Hailey have to carry you home.

“What an interesting night is gonna be”. Hank whispers seeing you grabbing the doorknob, teasing you as only he knows how to do.

Kissing your lips as your steps stop dead, you turn your head about to lose your calm.

“If I see her putting a hand on your leg again, I'm gonna break every single fucking bone of her body”.

You couldn't help it. He knows exactly which words he has to use to push you to the edge. The worst part is the fun he usually has doing it. Walking towards you moving his head as if he was nodding, Hank caresses his bottom lip with a forefinger looking thoughtful.

“I didn't think of you as someone violent”.

“Fucking watch me, Voight”.

“Hm…”

Containing a laugh, he opens the door for you, pointing at the inside with a hand. Clearly challenging you. But before you can pass him away, the sergeant grabs your forearm to push you back and lean his lips over your ear.

“She booked the hotel yesterday”. His raspy voice touring your head makes you feel your cheeks burning in shame.

He has won already and you know it. Wanting to leave him again, he pulls you back again hearing the heavy snort escaping your mouth.

“She knows who you are. Told her this morning”.

Did really he? Arching up one of your eyebrows, you can't help but turn your face slightly at him. Your parted lips reveal the surprise and the confusion. Why can she know it, but not your friends? Just because she doesn't work in Chicago? It isn't fair. At least, under your opinion. It's not like you're going to act like Voight's girlfriend and take the advantage of what it means. But it allows you to smile at him when you cross your eyes in the hallways, it allows you to don't have to hide if you want to have lunch together, it allows you to not have to drive two different cars and leave his house before him to work. Small simple things that for you means a lot.

“Cut off the show, boss. Everybody is looking at us”.

It isn't the first time that Hank can't avoid touching you somehow in public, finding the stupidest excuse just to feel you. And he really enjoys putting you nervous, watching the way you lick your lips and bite the bottom one, feel the way your body gets tense when he lays his hands on you, the short frights he gives you coming behind you and whispering ‘officer (Y/L/N)’ in your ear.

Actually, there's no reason why you decided to hide your relationship. You haven't even talked about it. You haven't thought if it's because of the age gap, because of his past, because he is your boss (...). You haven't given it any importance, till you met Olivia Benson a couple months ago. That kind of sergeant who comes from New York and thinks that she runs the Chicago police department. Hank hasn't told you how they met, imagining they did when he was working on the Gang Unit.

“Admit your jealousy”. Tilting his head enough to look into your eyes, the challenging grimace comes back to his face.

Knowing that he's not going to stop, you simply nod. “It isn't fair that other women can… touch you, and I have to wait more than twelve hours just… simply to smile at you without looking suspicious”.

Hank can hear to perfection the hopelessness in your voice, feeling your fingers loosening his grip around your other forearm. It's not a question of possessiveness, but of insecurity; and he's discovering it now, thinking about since when you feel like that.

“Do you wan'me to take you home?”

You shake your head, now with guilt running under your skin because you know it has ruined his night.

“I'm okay, boss. Gonna have some fun with my friends after a long day”.

“Will you have some fun with your boss after that? End the night in my house playing pool, drinking whisky? I will let you win”.

You can't help but show him a fleeting smile, almost curving your lips. That's a yes for him and Hank feels satisfied. Holding your right hand on his, your boyfriend brings it to his mouth placing a tender kiss on the back of it, before letting you go.

Hailey and Burgess are squinting at you, knowing that their suspicions weren't wrong at all. Not saying a word and pretending normality, you sit back on your stool to have a sip from your beer. You're literally sweating right now, and it isn't because of the jacket you are wearing but because of the petty smiles appearing on the other cops.

“You know that we work in Intelligence, right, little trouble?” Antonio is the first one talking jokingly.

“Yeah, and we don't need to be detectives to know what's going on”. Hailey hums resting his arms over the table.

“How is Voight in private? I've always had curiosity. He takes off the stick of his ass when he comes home, or…?”

“Halstead, I can hear you”.

“Yeah, that was the intention, Sarge”. He replies, lifting up his beer in a silent toast.

Turning at Hank just for a second, you can't help but shrug with your eyebrows briefly frowned in a funny grimace that makes him giggle. It was inevitable, since they have seen the way and how close he has talked to you. But now, the pressure within your chest is dropping down, feeling better.

#lemme know what you think in a comment! ⚡#hank voight #hank voight imagine #hank voight x reader #chicago pd #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd x reader #one chicago

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vs-redemption · 4 years ago

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From Cindy: Here’s another excerpt from the long lost aot fic I wrote once upon a time. Sorry if anything is confusing, a lot happens in the story between the parts with Levi

Some background info: this story was meant to take place just after the fall of Wall Maria. So, Eren and the rest of the 104th aren’t even in the cadet corps training yet. My O/C (aka y/n) left the garrison to join the scouts to help with the recapture of Wall Maria. I hope that’s not confusing. Ok... let’s go.

Part Two: Tea Time Once Again (Levi Ackerman x Reader) also Hange is there Part One : Part Three

You let out a yawn as you push through the doors of the canteen, once again looking to get a hot cup of tea to relax you before bed. It had been a long day, and you weren’t really sure how ready you were for tomorrow. The introductions with the three cadets you were now in charge of could’ve gone better, and you were worried about them continuing to challenge your authority the way they had today. You couldn’t really blame them since you were quite new to the scouts as well. You had more experience as a soldier inside the walls, but when it came to fighting titans you were just as green.

“If you asked Erwin I’m sure he’d listen.” You stop dead in your tracks at the sight of Captain Hange sitting alone at a table with Captain Levi. Hange was leaning across the table with a pleading look on their face while Levi glared back at them looking bored.

“No.” He mutters before taking a sip from the mug in his hands.

“Ah! Why not?” Hange throws their hands in the air in frustration. “I think it’s obvious that we’re not going to beat the titans with violence alone. We have to study them!”

“No.” Captain Levi repeats with the same flat tone.

“Excuse me,” You step forward so that they’d know you were there. The two squad leaders look up at the interruption. Before you could even decide if you should salute or not, Hange was throwing an arm around your neck and practically dragging you over to the table.

“Yes!” They exclaim your name, “Join us!”

“Uh, is that okay?” You ask Levi while being shoved quite forcefully into the seat across from him.

“Yes,” the captain sighs while glaring at Hange who plops into the chair next to you. “As long as you get shitty-glasses to stop pestering me about their mad science.” Hange waves off the insult as usual before turning their full attention onto you.

“A little birdie told me you met your team today!” They grin.

“Yeah,” You nod your head in confirmation. “Just for a minute though. I’ll be spending more time with them tomorrow. I guess we’re doing training with the full squad to do team building exercises or something.”

“Oh, that should be fun!” Hange shoots a sneaky smile across the table. “Maybe Levi should join. He’s got a whole new team of cadets too!” The reminder makes the man scowl severely and glare down at his tea. Apparently he wasn’t happy about that.

“Well, I’m sure the other veterans in your squad could deal with the cadets if you don’t want to,” You try to offer some sympathy. Levi’s scowl turns into a full on sneer. Hange laughs. The scientist was a braver person than you by a long shot.

“Erwin promoted them all to Squad Leader today,” Hange explains. “He’s given each of them a group of cadets to train into Team Leaders before all the refugees arrive.”

“Wow,” You can’t help the shock on your face. Erwin had mentioned in his meeting earlier that he planned on creating more squads to deal with the sheer number of refugees they’d be receiving, but hadn’t gone into detail about what that process was going to look like. It did make sense though. None of the refugees would be going through Training Corps, so even the new cadets would have significantly more experience once they left the safety of the walls.

“Yeah,” Hange nods, her face finally getting serious. “That’s why Erwin had us evaluate the new recruits the way he did. The ones who showed the most potential for leadership are going to be forced up the ranks pretty quickly. A couple of my guys got promoted too.”

“I guess everyone’s going to be doing team building for a while then,” You let out a sigh.

“If it was up to this one, we’d be doing team building exercises with the titans themselves,” Levi mutters with his eyes fixed on Hange. It was impossible to know if he was joking. Hange laughs and slaps their hand down on the table.

“That reminds me!” Hange blurts out while standing up and heading to the door. “I’ve got things to check on before turning in for the night. Bye now!” There was no time to salute them before they disappeared. Maybe it was time to give up on even trying at this point. You let out another sigh as you let everything you’d heard float around your head.

“Feeling homesick yet?” Levi asks as he sinks back into his chair, apparently more relaxed now that Hange was out of his hair.

“No,” You look up at the man. “Maybe just… life sick in general, you know?” You let out a small laugh. “This world is a hot mess.

“I hate messes,” Levi comments flatly. You laugh again.

“Me too,” You agree before pointing to Levi’s cup. “I’m going to fix myself some tea. Did you need a refill?”

“No, that’s fine.” He says, “I’ll get it myself in a moment.” You stand up and go over to the counter where the hot water and tea were kept. Despite Levi’s words, you pull two cups down and set to work. “Maybe your cadets won’t be that bad.” You offer as conversation.

“Of course they will be,” Levi replies. “All cadets are brats.�� You finish up the tea and walk back over to the table. You slide one of the steaming cups towards the captain. “I told you I’d get my own,” He says blankly.

“I know,” You smile. “I made some for you anyway.” Levi eyes the cup with disdain for a few moments. He must have talked himself into at least trying it because he finally lifts the cup to his lips and takes a small sip. His narrow grey eyes slide up to you, who was watching him in amusement.

“You know how I take my tea.”

“Of course,” You grin. “When I was 12 years old, right before my father sent me off to the Training Corps, he told me that I should always know the drink preferences of my superiors, just in case I ever needed to kiss ass or something.”

“I had heard his ideas tended toward the peculiar,” Levi takes another drink of the tea. “So what were you hoping to accomplish after impressing me with a hot beverage?”

“Huh?” You frown but then laugh when you realize. “Oh! No! I was just being nice. That drink thing only works on people who want to be flattered anyway. That’s obviously not you since you regard basic military greetings as incessant formalities.”

“I didn’t join the scouts just to have little brats groveling and worshiping at my feet.”

“Then you’re different than ninety-five percent of the people I served under in the Garrison,” You admit truthfully. Levi lets out a sound of disgust. “It would’ve been way worse if I had joined the MP’s though. The whole regiment thinks they’re royalty just because they live behind Wall Seena with the king. Have you ever been to the interior?”

“No,” Levi answers in monotone.

“Don’t worry. You’re not missing much,” You admit. “At least here you know who your enemy is. On the inside, you’d think it’d be safer because there aren’t any titans, but really you have to keep your guard up and be wary of everyone you meet. You never know when you’ll be stabbed in the back by a friend or neighbor. The greed and corruption is completely out of control. People will smile and wave at you on the street as they conduct their illegal little business deals right out in the open.”

“Almost sounds as bad as the underground,” Levi comments. It catches your curiosity.

“The underground?” You repeat. “Don’t tell me you’ve actually been down there.”

“I was born down there,” he reveals causing you to actually lean back in shock. You’d never met anyone from the underground before. It was extremely rare for people down there to get permission to even visit the surface. Being granted citizenship above ground was borderline impossible. You had so many questions, but worried it might be a sensitive topic. You’d heard rumors about how life was for people in the underground, including the things people were forced to do just to survive. Apparently people withered away down there from the lack of sunlight alone. Combine that with the food shortages, limited access to medicine, and absence of any real law enforcement and a real nasty picture starts forming in your mind. You couldn’t even imagine what Levi would have had to do to go from being a citizen of the underground to a captain in the Survey Corps.

“I had no idea,” You finally find your voice. “It’s usually the Military Police that handles business down there, so I’ve never had to go.”

“Don’t worry,” Levi repeats your words from before. “You’re not missing much.” His face was completely neutral, but you could see a tiny spark of teasing in his eyes. You let out a small laugh and down the rest of your tea.

“Well, I’m calling it a night,” You tell him. “We’ve got a bunch of brats to babysit tomorrow after all.” Levi frowns but seems far less angry about it than before. Maybe his tea had calmed him down.

“Go on then,” he waves his hand. “Leave your cup. You made the tea, so I’ll wash up.”

“Sure,” You weren’t going to argue with that. You bid the captain good night and then head to your room.

#Levi Ackerman x Reader #snk x reader #Aot x reader #Levi Ackerman #snk #aot #cindy's writing #Levi x Reader

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lilyofthestyx · 4 years ago

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Fighting For Tomorrow: Chapter Six

Disclaimer: Still haven’t bought AOT but I’m working on it!

AN: this. is a doozy of a chapter- i know. lots. and lots. and lots of words. but DAMN if i didnt love every part of it. however! if you guys prefer smaller chapters please please please dont hesitate to say something. seriously. id love to write you guys more frequent, smaller chapters but if you guys like the longass, slightly infrequent chapters then they shall continue. just say the word bby. also i felt kinda poetic in some of these sections so if you see reader gettin fancy with her verbage, don’t trip. that was my bad.

Reiner x Fem!Reader, eventual Captain Levi x Fem!Reader, Sasha x Sister!Reader

Word Count: 10k (i finished this at 2 am today before class and nearly passed out at the sight ‘10,008 words’ when i pulled up my word counter. CH-YOW this a big boy)

TW: gore/blood/violence/death, adult language/swearing, slight PTSD, mental anguish, self-harm, grief, nightmares, insomnia, hysterics, horse accident

You can read parts one, two, three, four, and five just by tapping the lovely numbers!

The flames crackle and rage before us, engulfing our comrades’ bodies in scarlet and gold waves.

Engulfing Marco’s body.

Jean had found him. Just… laying there. Up against a building. No one had seen him die, no one knew how he died, just that he did. Marco- our comrade, our friend... my friend- just gone. Taken from us. There was no valiant deed. There was no heroism. There was no triumphant story. Nothing. He just… died.

And that’s the worst part.

He was taken from us and no one knows how. No one knows why.

Marco was one of the first comrades I got close to. We were competitive- always fighting to outdo each other. I’d train two hours, he’d train three. He’d pass the ODM test after four tries, I’d pass it in three. Back and forth, back and forth.

But if we faced something bigger than us- if there was an exercise we couldn’t quite pin down, if there was another Cadet giving us problems, if one of our squad members were injured- we’d always come together to beat it. It was always like that.

He was like my little brother.

I scoff at myself. They all are like my younger siblings. Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, even Annie and Bertholdt. They’re all family and losing Marco… it was like losing a brother.

I did lose a brother.

My brother is among the flames- being turned to ash before my eyes. Marco is gone. Taken from me. Robbed from me. From everyone. His intellect, his kindness, his leadership. All of it gone. Taken from humanity.

We’re just kids.

Marco was just a kid.

All of us- bright-eyed kids wanting to do our best for humanity. To take back what was stolen from us. To serve humanity. We didn’t know how much hate, how much horror was waiting for us. To watch our comrades- our family and friends- be torn apart in front of us. To lose the ones closest to us in unspeakable carnage.

All we wanted was to do something for humanity.

All Marco wanted was to do something for humanity.

He was just a kid.

Tears are streaming down my face as we all watch the flames consume the bodies of fallen soldiers. I can hear the crackling of wood, feel the heat on my skin. But the crackling is distant and the heat is faint. My chest feels empty and cold.

I lost Marco. I lost Hannah. I lost Franz.

And I’ll never get them back.

But I’ll be damned if I allow anyone else to be taken from me.

The Commander roars and rages before us, engulfing us in his words. They burn and singe like fire as they cross the Cadets’ ears. I can hear them whispering among themselves- asking if he’s serious or if he’s crazy or already resigning themselves to the Garrison.

It doesn’t matter what they say.

I’m joining the Scouts. Commander Erwin’s words are a comfort, a pleasant yet caveat warmth. Like a candle sitting beside a curtain. I know what I’m signing up for. I’ve always known. But it doesn’t mean I’ll be giving it all up now.

“I’ve made my decision.”

My eyes turn away from the Commander, landing on Reiner’s form beside me. His gaze is still stuck on the Commander, back straight and shoulders squared. I turn my gaze back to the Commander- not wanting to be chewed out by a commanding officer for not paying attention. “...really?” I ask quietly, “Where are you-?”

“The Scouts.”

My eyes are back on him. “What?” I hiss, “Reiner, you can’t... throw away your shot at the Military Police- you worked so hard, why would you-?”

“Eren was right,” he says quietly. I can feel his chest fill with breath before he chuckles. “They don’t need our skills so far away from the walls. They need us where we’re at use- where the people are.”

“Rei, please, please,” I whisper, “Please don’t do this.”

“Why not?” Reiner chuckles again, “You want me gone?”

“It’s not like that,” I shoot back, “I just…”

“You just what?”

“...I don’t wanna lose anyone else.”

“...you won’t.”

“You can’t know that… I’m already worried about Eren and Armin and Mikasa- if I have to worry about anyone else-”

“You don’t need to worry about me, darling… Because we’re going to get through this,” I can feel his finger graze the side of my hand before his hand takes mine. “Together.”

A shaky exhale leaves my mouth as I close my eyes. “...together,” I whisper as shivers run down my spine.

“That’s right, darling.”

“...those who wish to join other divisions are dismissed.”

Shuffles of feet scurry past me as I remain. I can feel their gazes, their judging glares and confused looks. They mumble to themselves. ‘Insane’, ‘crackpots’, ‘suicidal’, ‘deathwish’. Nervously, I swallow and grip Reiner’s hand tighter.

I can feel his smile. Proud and bright like the sun. Warming like the sun. Relaxation smoothes out over my skin as I soak it in.

I’ve done it. Finally. After years of fighting and hoping and wishing and dreaming about this very moment, I’m here.

The crowd clears out and a scattering of us remains. My eyes dart to each of the figures in the hopes of identifying my fellow crackpots.

Reiner. Armin. Mikasa. Bertholdt. Ymir. Christa. Sas-

My heart stops.

Sasha. Connie. Jean.

What the Hell are they doing here?! They were supposed to join the Military Police. They were going to, weren’t they?! Why are they still here?! Why aren’t they walking away?

At the very base of my stomach, something churns. Quickly and violently.

I think I’m gonna be sick.

I’m already going to be looking out for Armin, Eren, and Mikasa- I came to accept that long ago- but now Sasha? And Reiner? Connie and Jean, too?

Most of everyone I’ve ever loved has just signed their hearts and bodies away to the Scouts- to nearly certain death.

There has to be a way to change their minds, right? There has to be.

...but there isn’t, is there?

They heard the statistics. They know how many have died in the Scouts. They know all the facts, all the dirtiest of details.

And they stayed.

Gods, why did they stay?

I’ll drag each of them out of here by their ears, kicking and screaming, if I have to. I already lost Marco and Hanna and Franz. I don’t think I could take losing them, too.

But if they truly want to- if they know the risk and want to dedicate their hearts just like I am… why would I stop them?

I should be proud.

They’re- we all are- dedicating ourselves to the better future humanity deserves. To the eradication of Titans. To the freedom we all hunger for.

“Very well!” Commander Erwin’s voice booms out over us. “I welcome you- the newest recruits of the Scout Regiment!” His fist slams against his chest in a tight salute, “This is my real salute! Dedicate your hearts to the cause!”

The group moves as one as we all strike our fists to our chests.

My eyes glide from the Commander to Sasha once more.

She’s shaking. I can hear her stifled sobs from here.

But she remains firm in her spot.

She’s made her decision.

And I can accept that.

I lay awake. Moonlight flickers through the window- inching towards the other side of the room. It’s late and I’m exhausted but even when I am, I can’t sleep. There’s too much screaming in my head. Too much gore. Too much carnage that I can only barely remember. The only things that do remember are my heart and lungs- hammering and pounding and stretching to the fullest in the wake of whatever nightmare slinked back into the recesses of my mind.

Reiner stirs in his sleep and wraps his arms around my waist. Tucking me into him, he sighs and buries his head into my neck. “...can’t sleep?” he mumbles. His voice is deep. Deeper than usual, with a gentle rumble to it.

“No,” I whisper back, shrinking into him.

“Wanna talk about it?”

I stay silent. No. No, I really, really, really, really don’t want to. Talking about whatever bothers me is like pulling teeth. It feels like a burden that I’m casting onto someone else. And with Reiner… he’s burdened enough already. He’s everyone’s big brother. Everyone’s confidant. He shoulders responsibilities and punishments for others- never once thinking about himself.

But he’s exhausted. All the time, exhausted. And he’s so good at hiding it. Even around me. But I can see it. The way his golden eyes go hazy at times, the way his shoulders sag and the way things slip his mind. The way he can become an entirely different person with terrifying speed.

It scares me how much I think he carries. Because when he breaks… it’ll be cataclysmic.

Reiner’s lips slide up my shoulder and neck, pressing gentle kisses against my skin. “...well?”

But maybe he’ll open up to me if I take the step first. Maybe I’ll show him that there’s nothing to worry about- that I’m not going anywhere and that he can talk to me about anything. Everything.

“...I’ve… I’ve been having nightmares.”

His kisses stop where they are, lips still pressed to my skin for a moment before pulling away. His grip on me gets tighter as he pulls me closer. Reiner lets his head rest in the crook of my neck and sighs. “...what about?”

I laugh quietly, letting my fingers trail against his forearm. “...I don’t remember most of them but… there is one that comes back… every now and then.”

“I’m listening, darling.”

Slowly, I take a breath. My eyes close as I remember the details of the dream. “...it always starts off the same… I’m in a throne room and there’s a person at my feet. Sometimes… it’s a woman and other times it’s a man and other times, I can’t tell which, but… there’s always someone at my feet,”

“And they’re always crying,” I whisper, eyebrows drawing together and I grip his forearm. “Sobbing and pleading for mercy. A-...And I…” My voice quivers as tears start to flow from my eyes. “I… just… I don’t even know, I just… I see this… light- red light- come from their eyes and they just… they convulse and thrash around for a moment- screaming and crying and begging- before… before they…,”

“...before they die at my feet,” I whisper brokenly, eyes open and staring out into the distance as the scene replays. “And when they finally die… I look up… and there’s… corpses. Thousands upon thousands of corpses, Rei… All piled up on top of each other and in writhing rigidity. As far as I could see- there were bodies- and… and somehow I know that… that I… I had… somehow I know that I was the one that killed them all.”

“I’m your squad leader, Ness,” the man before us states before clapping a hand onto the horse towering beside him. “And this! Is my horse, Chalet…”

My eyes drift away from him, blankly settling on the various horses in their stalls behind me. I’ve tuned him out… I should probably listen to whatever he has to say. But… I’m so tired. Another night of staring at the ceiling while listening to Reiner snore and watching Bertholdt contort himself into a coil across the room.

I don’t know how many sleepless nights I have left.

My body lurches forward slightly as someone nudges me from behind. I turn to face whoever it was. Jean is towering over me with a smirk on his face as he pretends to be watching Squad Leader Ness. “...what the hell was that for?” I mutter, facing forward.

“You were falling asleep again,” he chuckles quietly, “Another… late night?”

I scoff and shake my head, “You’re a child.”

“You didn’t say ‘no’.”

“No, Jean,” I hiss, “I just… couldn’t sleep.”

I can feel him deflate slightly behind me. “...oh…”

“Yeah.”

“...I get them, too.”

“I really hope you don’t.”

Connie, standing beside me, scoots closer. “What’re we talkin’ about?”

Jean answers at the same time as I do. “Sex.”

“Food.”

Connie’s eyebrows furrow slightly as he risks a glance at me. “...huh?”

I sigh and roll my eyes, “We were talking about-”

“Did someone say ‘food’?” Sasha whispers excitedly behind me.

I sigh and roll my eyes again. “You three are-”

“Hilarious.”

“Your favorites.”

“Really hungry.”

Groaning softly, I shake my head at their responses. “Gods… I thought Armin, Eren, and Mikasa were a lot… then I had to get you knuckleheads thrown in, too.”

“Now!” Ness states, looking significantly more disheveled than he did a few minutes ago. Adjusting the bandana around his head, he huffs and stands up straight. “Follow me and I’ll show you to your dorms- and then you’ll be introduced to your horses.”

He walks off, leading us between the stables and the looming walls of the castle. My eyes trail up the crumbling stone- plants and vines and flowers managing their way through the cracks- and over the rolling hills dotted with trees. Sunlight floods the stone courtyard, basking us all in its warmth.

It reminds me of home.

Not Shiganshina- but of the modest cottage in the forest. I smile to myself, watching Sasha bother Jean with Connie’s help just in front of me. I remember playing with her in the trees. We made and marked that forest. There isn’t a tree in that entire forest we haven’t carved up with arrows and knives or with the undersides of our shoes as we climbed their roots and limbs. Sasha would be afraid at first- of foxes or wolves or falling or tripping. But as soon as I took her hand and led her to the sunlight, to the tops of the trees, to the very breath of the sky… she’d always hunger for more. To go to the brightest spot in the forest, to climb the highest tree, to scale the steepest cliff.

My smile starts to fade slightly.

She’s even more afraid than she used to be… did I cause that? Does she even remember? She was young when I left… Does she remember when she scraped her knee and told her that she was now one with the forest- that its blood was in her and her blood in it? Does she remember that first tree we climbed together? Does she remember the nights we would run barefoot around the dew-covered clearings in the heart of the woods with no light to guide us except that of the moon? Does she remember what it was like to not be afraid?

Will we ever get to go back…?

The group stops. Ness smiles at us and points down the hallway to our left. “Down this hallway are the boys’ rooms,” he points to the hallway to our right. “And down this one is the girls’.” He chuckles and turns back to us. “There is… one other thing.”

Uh oh.

“There’s only one bathroom.”

I stifle a groan. It’s a goddamn castle. How in the walls is that even possible- one bathroom, my ass.

“Well… only one that’s in good enough shape to be used, anyway. ‘sides the officers’ bathroom...” Ness admits, a sheepish smile growing on his lips as he rubs the back of his head. “You’re welcome to fix up the other ones, though! ...although, I think you’d need help…” Ness continues muttering more to himself than anyone else.

One bathroom. Unbelievable. I growl under my breath as Ness marches us back out into the courtyard. You’d think Captain Shortstack would be all over the renovations of this place- bathrooms included.

Whatever. It’s not like I shower when everyone else does, anyway. There’s always a possibility I could sneak into the officers’ bathroom like when we were in training… And there was that river...

“I can see you already coming up with a plan,” Sasha appears next to me, lowering her voice. “What’re ya thinkin’?”

I laugh softly, nudging her arm with my elbow. “Nothing regarding food.”

Sasha pouts slightly, “Fine… then what’re ya thinkin’ about?”

“Just plannin’ my way into the officers’ bathroom.”

“Oooh,” Sasha laughs maliciously. “Do you think they’ll have hot water?”

I sigh, closing my eyes and imagining the steam and feel of hot water cascading down my body. Hot water was a privilege in the Cadet Corps. ...one that was constantly being robbed from me. I’d mostly show up after everyone had already showered, praying that maybe I’d have even a moment to myself to unwind- and to not be stared at. And nearly every time, I bathed in freezing cold water. But there were a few times where I’d be wrapped in steam, delicate streams of hot water warming my frigid body.

...now that I think about it, those ‘few times’ were whenever Reiner would wake me up early to get in the shower before everyone else.

“Gods,” I mumble, looking at Reiner as he walks with Bertholdt and Annie. “I really hope so, ‘tato-muncher.”

As if he felt my gaze on him, Reiner turns around and smiles. I return the smile with a scrunch of my nose. Reiner’s eyes glide behind me for a second, returning to me before darting back behind me. I turn around to follow his gaze.

Eren.

Eren runs straight for us, green cape flaring out behind him as he charges towards the group. Our eyes meet and his pace increases. My hand latches onto Sasha’s sleeve and tugs, “‘Tato! ‘Tato, look!” I laugh, slapping Connie’s shoulder. “Look who it is!”

Connie and Sasha turn around and I can hear the others turn along with them. Armin and Mikasa greet him first, taking him into their arms and speaking quietly amongst themselves for a moment. When they break away, Eren’s smile widens as he looks over us.

“...you’re all here?” he asks quietly, smile slightly fading. “You all joined the Scouts?”

“Well, yeah,” I laugh, “Why else would we be here- shits ‘nd giggles?”

Eren rolls his eyes before scanning over us again. “Wait… if you’re all here… That means Jean, Marco, and Annie all joined the Military Police.”

My heart plummets like a rock into my stomach. That’s right. He wasn’t there for the funeral. He doesn’t know.

The remaining section of our group walks up behind Eren- Jean leading them all. Eren turns around and groans. “Not you, too.”

Jean doesn’t react. His face unreadable and voice flat, he rips the bandage off. “Marco’s dead.”

“...what?” Eren mumbles, “What did you just… What’d you just say? Did you say Marco died?”

Jean’s voice stays still as he continues.

“Seems like not everyone can die a dramatic death.”

“You don’t think it’s weird?” I laugh, picking up a section of hay and starting back towards the stable. “We know everyone, every thing’s position in the formation except Eren’s- arguably the most volatile and important piece of information to have. That isn’t the least bit confusing to you?”

Reiner shrugs, taking the hay from my hands. “Dunno… I haven’t really thought about it.”

I huff and shake my head, stepping in front of him and taking the hay back. “I can carry it,” I mutter, looking at the ridges growing in his face. “And by the look on your face, you have been thinking about it.” I turn around, lifting the hay over the stable door and onto the growing pile just beside my horse.

My horse nudges me with his nose, huffing. I smile and rub my hand up and down his nose, “...needy, aren’t we?” I whisper softly.

“Ya gonna give him a name?” Reiner asks, patting his hand against the horse’s neck.

Peeking down under the horse’s neck, I squint up at him. “You didn’t answer me.”

Reiner rolls his eyes and walks away, sighing. “You didn’t ask anything.”

“I asked if you were thinking about why we weren’t being filled in on Eren’s location in the formation.”

“Technically, you didn’t ask,” he shoots back.

My eyes lock with his in an intense stare. “...we really gonna do this right now?” I ask quietly, still petting my horse.

Reiner sighs and looks away, running a hand through his hair. I turn back to my horse, letting my forehead rest against his cheek. Reiner sighs again. The three of us stand in silence- only my horse breaking the silence with occasional huffs and flicks of his tail.

“...I have been thinking about it,” Reiner finally mumbles. “But… not like you have.”

Here we go again with him being all cryptic and skittish and avoidant. I am so sick of this game.

“Then how have you been thinking about it, Reiner?” I hiss, lifting my head off my horse and looking into his large grey eye. “All the time- just when I think you’re gonna open up to me about what’s going on in that…” I sigh frustratedly, “That… that… stupid, thick, adorable, blond head’a yours you just… you shut me back out again. And it’s so goddamn irritating, Rei,” I admit with a slight squeak in my voice.

Slowly, I turn to face him, gaze dropping down to the ground. “...I’ve been… I’ve been so open with you. More open than I have with anyone in my whole life- except, I dunno... Sasha- but I just… It’d be nice to have some’a that returned.”

I can hear him get closer to me. Gently, his arms wrap around me and tuck me into his chest. I’m swallowed in his embrace as he runs his fingers up and down my back. “...okay,” he whispers, “okay, darling… I’ll… I’ll try and open up to you, okay? I’ll…” he trails off and sighs, tightening his hold on me as he places his chin on the top of my head.

“I know how hard it is, and… I… I’m not trying to force it out of you or anything… I just… I want to help you,” I whisper quietly. “And I promise you, Rei...I’m not going anywhere.”

There’s a coldness in his laugh. It leaves his lips like ice and falls to the floor like daggers. “Thank you, darling. Just…,” Reiner takes my shoulders, pushing us apart. His gold eyes have slightly lost their luster as they peer deep into me. I squirm slightly in his stare, eyebrows furrowing. “You have to understand that there is a lot happening- something... bigger, darling.”

I blink and tilt my head slightly to the side. “Did you… did you get another assignment?” I ask quietly, “Something under the table?”

Reiner is quiet for a moment, eyes flicking between mine. “...yes. Something under the table- from people higher than the Captain.”

My eyes widen slightly. Is this what’s been weighing on him for so long? That’s why he’s been missing at times? What he’s been trying to tell me? Another assignment that he can’t talk about, even with me-

Oh gods.

I feel like a total ass.

“Who…?” I ask quietly, taking note of the way he straightens up to scan around us before shrinking back down.

Reiner scoots us back, tucking me up against the stable door. “I… I can’t tell you but… you understand that, right, darling?” He asks hopefully, a small lilt to his voice. Gently, his fingers trail my face and a small smile crosses my face. His lips mirror mine.

“I understand that, love,” I hum, leaning into his touch. “I do… I do have another question.”

Reiner smiles wider, lovingly staring down at me. “What is it, darling?”

Nervous claws at my stomach.

I shouldn’t ask this.

Why? He’s finally being open with me- willing to at least tell me what’s wrong. Shouldn’t I-

No. There’s something bigger here. Don’t. Ask.

“__________?”

I swallow my fear and meet his gaze. “...I heard you the night after the first clean-up operation,” I admit quietly, “with Annie and Bertholdt.”

Reiner’s eyes darken, dropping down and avoiding my gaze. “...how much did you...?”

“Not much,” I laugh nervously, “Just you guys arguing about telling me… and Annie saying to only tell me when you’re sure of how I’d feel.”

With a sigh of relief, he closes his eyes and smiles. He quickly presses his lips to my forehead. “Okay, okay… Okay… Sorry, I just… I don’t need t’get... chewed out for that.” I chuckle softly, “So… that big’a deal, huh?”

Reiner laughs, “Yes. That big of’a deal.”

“...so… it’s you, Annie, and Bertholdt,” I mumble, picking at the leather strap running down his chest. “Anyone else that I know?”

“No, just us three.”

“Am… am I in danger?” I ask jokingly, “All this secrecy- it makes me wonder.”

Reiner doesn’t laugh with me.

“Rei?” I call, looking up at him. “...am I?”

His eyes slide down to me, a small smile on his lips. “...stick with me, darling- I’ll keep ya safe.”

“...what?”

“There’s a lot at work here, __________,” Reiner sighs, his eyes going hazy for a second as he relives whatever is ‘at work’. Blinking, he focuses back on me. “But I can keep you safe. I’ve been keeping you safe.”

What does this even mean? Are there people I can’t trust? If that’s true, then what? What am I supposed to do? Be some tiny little doll cowering in fear behind him? I hate being treated like some weak, fragile, defenseless thing. And what if he gets hurt protecting me? What then? What if something goes wrong and he ends up being blamed for something he didn’t do?

And what about Sasha?

“...what about my sister? What about her? Who’s gonna keep her safe?” I ask, clutching the fabric covering his chest, “If anything happens to Sasha, I…”

“Nothing’s gonna happen to Sasha,” Reiner hums quietly, “We’re gonna keep her safe.”

“And Eren? Mikasa? Armin? What about the boys? If any of them get hurt, Rei, I just… I don’t think I could…”

“__________,” he says firmly, catching my attention. Slowly, my eyes slide up to meet his again. They’re gentle and glowing in the fading sunlight. His hand trails down my face again, leaving a buzzing wake behind it.

“You need to trust me.”

I swallow and nod quickly. “Okay, yes, okay… Okay, you’re right. We… We are all gonna be okay.”

Reiner chuckles and lets his chin rest on the top of my head as he tucks me into his chest again.

“That’s my girl.”

“Oiii!” I yell, waving a hand over my head. “Ponytail!”

Eld’s head starts swiveling around, looking for whoever called him. With a gentle kick of my horse, he trots closer. “Eld!” I call again, sliding off the side of my horse. My feet hit the dirt just in front of him as I straighten up, shaking a few stray hairs out of my eyes. “It’s good to see ya again.”

Eld smiles and chuckles, gesturing down to the emerald green cape around my shoulders. “So you made it.”

I look down and rub the fabric between my fingers. A smile crosses my face as I look back up to him. “Just like I dreamed I would.”

“You’re in pretty high spirits,” Oluo scoffs as he walks by with a supply box. Setting it down into a wagon, he huffs and turns to face us. “Considering we’ll all be facing death in a few hours.”

“Always the charmer, huh?” I mutter quietly, earning a small laugh from Eld. “And if you have t’know, I’m just happy we’re one step closer to going outside the walls…” I smile to myself, imagining the places Armin used to talk about. Fire water, ice hills, saltwater that goes on for so long even the merchants couldn’t drain all the salt from it.

I think that’ll be my favorite. ‘Sea’.

Oluo scoffs again. “Bright-eyed, suicidal recruit… Just don’t get someone else killed, will ya?”

“What the hell’s that supposed t’mean?” I snap back.

Oluo smiles crookedly, realisation splitting his face like a piece of china. “Struck a nerve, huh?,” he laughs, “Better get rid of those if you wanna make it.”

“Bold talk for someone that’s too insecure to keep his own personality,” I mutter, rolling my eyes. I turn my attention back to Eld- who’s gone awfully quiet as the two of us went at it. A blush is back on his cheeks and I can see him fidgeting with his gaze in an effort to mind his own business.

“...uhm…” He mumbles as his eyes catch someone walking behind me. “This is Petra!” Eld blurts, tugging a woman by the arm. “The one that checked on you when you were, uh… asleep.”

“In a coma, more like,” I laugh, dipping my head to the woman. She has ginger hair cut just above her shoulders and soft, kind eyes. There’s something about her that reminds me so much of a deer for some reason.

Petra’s eyes suddenly light up as she looks over me again. “I remember you- you’re __________! I didn’t know you had your heart set on the Scouts. Which is surprising… considering how much Eld talks about you.”

Eld’s face goes even redder. He stands rigidly, eyes fixated on the horizon.

...I think he just went into shock.

“Well, thank you,” I hum, giving Petra another smile. “For checking in on me.”

Petra shakes her head, “It wasn’t any issue at all.”

I dip my head again and lightly punch Eld’s shoulder. “Hopefully you told her the story of how I kicked your and Oluo’s asses.”

Petra tilts her head slightly to the side before a wicked smile crosses her lips. “...I don’t think I’ve heard that one, __________. Please, tell me.”

“Well, I was walking down an alleyway when-”

“That’s good!” Eld suddenly yelps, “Thank you so much, __________, for stopping by, but the Captain’s calling us!”

Petra giggles as Eld walks behind her, pushing her by the shoulders. Captain Shortstack Jackass is watching them with his arms crossed over his chest, eyebrows furrowed. He very obviously didn’t call either of them. “You’ll have to tell me when we get back!” Petra calls.

“Of course!” I laugh, watching as Eld goes even redder. Petra waves over his shoulder and I do the same before mounting my horse. I give his neck a gentle pat and urge him forward- back towards the stable.

“You... need a name, Horse,” I mutter as we trot past the various wagons and other Scouts getting their horses and gear ready. “All horses have names… I guess.”

Horse huffs at me.

“Well… you’re…” I look down at his coat as we start to pick up speed. It shimmers in the sunlight, revealing the faint speckles of black and grey under his cream-colored coat. “You’re cream and you’ve got freckles. And last I checked, you have grey-” Horse looks over slightly at me, light-brown eyes glistening. “Sorry… brown eyes. And black mane and tail.”

My eyes flick up, locking onto the figure standing just a few feet in front of my horse. Gripping the reins, I tug back to stop Horse from trampling whoever is in front of me. Instead, I feel myself being shot forward and colliding with the ground. Pain shoots out from my arm, branching out in heated flashes.

I roll onto my back and stare up at the clouds as they lazily float by. “Gods…” I mutter to myself, “That sucked.”

“Told you I’m better at handling horses than you.”

I sit straight up. My head on a swivel, I look around for the voice. It sounded just like… It couldn’t have been- no. No, I’m just-

My eyes land on him. Standing just a couple feet away, with a green Scouts cape on over his shoulders and ODM gear strapped on. He laughs, walking closer and shaking his head. “Jeez, __________, you’ll really get yourself killed if you keep trying to keep up with me.”

“Freckles?” I whisper.

Marco smiles and laughs again, “Really hit your head hard, didn’t you?”

“Freckles?” I whisper again, reaching out to touch him.

This isn’t real. It can’t be real. He’s dead. Bit in half. Died alone. Left in the sun to rot for days. He’s dead.

“Ah, jeez, you really did hit your head hard,” Marco mumbles, crouching down beside me. “We gotta get you to Sasha. She’s got some experience with injuries, doesn’t she…? And I won’t even tell Reiner! It’ll just be between us, okay?” He asks, worriedly scanning my face.

“Freckles, you… You… You aren’t here.”

“What are ya talkin’ about? I’m right here, remember? We were practicing horseback riding and maneuvering. Don’t you remember the bet we had?”

Wait a moment.

This was real.

This… this happened already, why am I…?

“...it was my haul from the Commandant’s office,” I whisper, “The… the fountain pen. You’d… you’d take it if I couldn’t pull off a sharp turn and activate my ODM gear while jumping off my horse.”

Tears start to cloud my vision as I stare up at him. “You aren’t really here,” I croak, “Are you?”

Marco shakes his head.

“...I miss you, Freckles,” I smile, tears slipping down my face as I look up at him. My hand brushes through his cheek- like he was a colored mist- but his smile remains. “Gods, I miss you.”

“You’ll see us again.”

I nod, feeling my tears start down the sides of my face. “...tell Franz and Hanna I said ‘hi’.”

“I will.”

“And you… you stay outta trouble, you hear me?” I laugh, tears choking me at the base of my chest.

“You’re the one that needs to stay outta trouble.”

I nod and laugh again, shaking my head.

“...take… take care’a the others for me, will you?” I nod silently. Marco looks up as Horse trots closer. “It’s time for me to go. Just… close your eyes, okay?”

My eyes slide closed before voices start to swarm around me. Bleeding into one another, it makes it so damned hard to hear what anyone is actually saying. All I can do is feel.

And someone’s got me by the shoulders, shaking me pretty damned hard.

I open my eyes to see familiar faces. “...I’ve got to stop waking up to you guys looking down at me like I’ve died.”

The four of them sigh.

“If you die because of a stupid horse incident, I’ll never forgive you,” Jean mutters, getting to his feet and walking away. I can hear him muttering about ‘how stupid’ of a funeral that would be.

“What?” I laugh, wincing at the pain shooting from above my left eye. My fingers graze the spot- only to pull away with a scarlet coloring.

Ah, shit.

“So,” Reiner grumbles, scooping me off the ground effortlessly. “You and your horse have a bit of an issue?”

I scoff, curling into myself as my head starts to pound.

“No?” He asks as we walk towards the castle. “Then what the Hell kind of stunt were you tryin’a pull?”

“I-,” I stop and groan, clutching my temples as they begin to sear. “I… I thought… I thought I saw someone.”

Reiner looks down at me as he pushes the castle door open with his back. Eyebrows furrowed, eyes flicking over every inch of me. It’s the same damn look as every other time I’ve gotten hurt. Which… arguably… is a lot of times.

The ODM incident where I almost cracked my skull open on a tree branch.

The time I slipped and fell in the bathroom.

The sparring training where I cracked three of my ribs. And my arm. And dislocated my shoulder. All because I wouldn’t yield.

The rooftop.

The grocery store.

Various little minor accidents scattered throughout.

And now this.

We round the corner and he places me onto a bed. I watch as he runs a hand down my face and sticks his head out the hallway to look around before returning to my side. Reiner sighs. “What am I gonna do with you?”

“Love me,” I hum, closing my eyes slightly as the pain throbs and squirms beneath my skin. “Unconditionally.”

“Gods,” he mutters, scooting closer. “I probably will.”

“Probably?” I ask quietly. “Not ‘most definitely’?”

A deep sigh passes his lips. It rumbles in his chest like thunder. Calming, soothing, gentle thunder. Memories of the forest running to find shelter as another storm took us by surprise. Bare feet padding the grass. Clothes sticking to our skins. Hair plastered to our faces- much like our smiles. Wiping her face as she ducks behind my arm. Telling her that the forest was telling the sky a joke, that the thunder was the sky’s laughter. Watching her peek out to watch the forest and sky talk, laughing as she swears she heard the punchline.

Does she remember what it was like to not be afraid?

“Hey,” Rei mutters, shaking my arm slightly. “Don’t go to sleep on me yet.”

“...sorry,” I mumble, opening my eyes and letting them glide to his spot beside me. “Where is she-”

The door slams open. Sasha- with eyes wide and clutching medical supplies to her chest- pants in the doorway. “Did I make it?” She asks wearily.

“Did…,” I trail off, sitting up to look at her. “Did you think I died?”

Sasha shakes her head, kicking the door closed just as Connie and Jean try to walk in behind her. “No,” she mutters. Plopping down beside me, she looks over me. “Just thought maybe you’d passed out.”

“Check my eyes,” I remind her. Sasha nods and leans in, forcing open my eyes with her fingers.

“...your eye-holes seem to be fine.”

“...my pupils?”

“Eye-holes. Same thing.”

I know Sasha’s joking but by the look on Reiner’s face, he does not.

“She’s only kidding, love,” I whisper as I take his hand. “She knows the basics.”

“Yep,” Sasha agrees, digging through the pile of medical supplies she brought in. “And you don’t have a concussion- and that thing on your head doesn’t need stitches- it should heal in a week or so... so you’re good to go after I clean it… ha!” She snatches a bottle of saline and a bandage. “You’ll be all good in no time, __________. Trust me.”

I’m the one that taught her. Why don’t I trust her?

“You awake?”

I focus back in on the now. The present. My surroundings.

Scattered trees and hills to the right. Denser trees on my left. Two horses trailing behind me. No flares from either direction. Reiner just in front of me.

“Always am.”

“Good.” He starts to pull back on his horse, levelling off with me. “How’s your head?”

Instinctively, I reach up and graze the bandage. “I don’t feel anything.”

“Good.”

“...are you okay?” I ask, looking over at him. His skin is pale and flushed pink with a slight tinge to his ears. “Here. Drink some.” Unbuckling my flask, I hand it to him.

...and he downs the entire thing before handing it back to me.

“Rei, are you sick?”

“No, I just-”

“Well, love, you look like you’re either about to shit yourself or vomit,” I laugh worriedly, “Are you sure?”

“__________, listen, I…,” he sighs and looks away. He’s even more red now.

I nudge him with my elbow. “I’m listening.” I smirk, stirrupping Horse again. My eyes turn to the horizon, scanning for any flares or anything that approaches us.

Reiner returns my smile and sighs shakily. “I wanna-”

Something appears in the distance. “What is that?” I mumble, staring at the thing. “Do you see it?” I point. “That.”

Reiner looks at the thing, squinting. “I… I can’t tell.”

“Should we fire a flare off?” I ask, reaching to my saddlebag. “Just in case?”

“Just… hang on-”

He stops just as the thing changes form, moving closer towards us and faster.

It takes shape as it grows. Fourteen meters, blonde hair.

Female body type.

My hands move on their own- throwing the canister into the gun, lifting it straight up, and firing. Red smoke fires out from the gun into the clouds. “Rei, we have to move!” I yell, turning the horses in towards the center of the formation.

I look over my shoulder, watching the two horses trail after Reiner. He stays going forward, heading right for it with glazed eyes. “Reiner!”

My eyes follow his gaze as I bring Horse to a stop. They land on the Female Titan, who snatches something from mid-air and dropkicks it. Blood trails after the broken body and I watch ODM wires disconnect from the Female Titan’s body- following the body.

It’s… is it like Eren? A person inside it?

“Reiner!” I scream again.

It gets his attention. Snapping out of his daze, Reiner makes a sharp turn.

As he gets closer, I press my heels into Horse’s sides. “Ha!”

Footsteps follow after us, thundering and quivering the very organs inside of me. My breath catches in my lungs as I feel it- her- getting closer. Gods. Gods, please. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this.

Something flashes at my side. With trembling force, a foot lands beside me- crushing one of the horses before it could even make a sound.

We’re going to die. Right now, we are going to die.

I wince, waiting for her to reach down and crush me in her hand. Reiner yells something but it’s lost in the frantic whinnies of our horses, the pounding of my heart, the panting of my lungs. When it reaches me, it’s blurred together like the colors in my eyes.

‘I’ve gotten hurt’ is what it sounds like.

Gods, please. Spare us.

My fists clutch the reins as I look up. Blonde hair, blue eyes, fourteen meters. This is what will kill me.

The Female Titan’s other foot collides with the earth beside me. All at once, sounds and colors and shapes retract into their determined forms. Everything flushes back into focus as the Female Titan takes another step away from us. I watch as she continues sprinting towards the center- leaving us in her wake. Her head turns to look over her shoulder before she presses forward.

Right to Armin.

“Rei!” I yell, sticking Horse again. “She’s gonna hit Armin! She’s headed right for him!”

“C’mon!” He yells back, appearing at my side.

“This is the job we chose, right?” Jean snaps, “So lend me a hand!”

The rest of us are silent. Only hoofbeats and footsteps resound around us. Silently, Armin pulls his hood up over his head. “...pull your hoods up. Over your heads- far down enough so she can’t see your face.”

“You’re thinking she won’t kill anyone that could be Eren,” Reiner mutters, tugging his hood up over his head. “...that’s a nice, but small, consolation… Let’s hope she has bad eyes, too.”

Jean shakes his head, laughing. “I was always creeped out the way you used to hang around Eren so much,” he mutters as he pulls his hood up. “But I always knew you were capable.”

“...‘creeped out’ is a little harsh but thanks,” Armin mumbles.

Feeling the three pairs of eyes on me, I tug my hood up as well. “...I always knew I’d die next to you three bastards.”

“Well. If we don’t,” Reiner chuckles, “We’ll throw a big party ‘nd get married.”

“Oh yeah,” I scoff, pulling my swords out from their holsters. “We’ll have a big ol’ buffet ‘nd everything. I’ll even have a live band play for us.”

“You two lovebirds over there still squawking?” Jean barks, leaning forward to glare at us.

“Will you shut up for a minute?” Reiner shoots back, “I’m… Kinda doin’ something.”

“You can ‘kinda do something’ after this!” Jean yells, “We’re not dying today.”

“Fine!” I snap, “I’m not spending my last moments fighting with you two morons! Let’s just do this. Delay her as long as we can- by any means necessary. Got it?!”

The three grunt in agreement. “Jean, go to her left,” Reiner starts, “Armin, you go to her right. __________, you-”

“I’m going with Armin!” I whip my reins and follow after Armin as he heads to the Female Titan’s right hand side.

We level off just behind her. “She’s much slower than when she attacked me!” Armin comments, “If we’re going to do this, it has to be now!”

“Wait for Jean!” I yell, “He’s the best out of us with ODM gear. If he can get a good angle on her, it’ll be us being his support!”

A flash shoots out, launching into the Female Titan’s leg. Jean flies in behind it with his swords readied. The Titan crouches down and spins- flinging Jean. Armin and I get to our feet and stand on our horses’ backs. As my wires stick into the Female Titan’s leg, I give Horse a tap of my heel that sends him running away from the Titan.

Something swipes just under my legs. Everything around me slows as I watch the Titan’s hand bat Armin’s horse out from underneath him. His name leaves my lips the same way it did when Shiganshina fell. Breathless. Screeching. Desperate. “Armin!”

“__________!” Reiner’s voice carries out over my own.

Before I can do anything, I feel something crack against my back. I’m pushed forward- colliding with the earth and rolling for a few feet. Landing on my back, I stare up in a daze at the clouds.

Aching pain crawls through my veins- igniting my muscles in throbbing, squeezing pain. My back arches as I take long, hard breaths to stop my heart from pounding in my ears. It does nothing but amplify the sound as I feel my lungs burn and the cages around them scream in agony.

Broken ribs. At least a few on each side.

Certain slices and patches of my skin burn from the contact with the ground. Minor scratches, bruises, friction burns.

I’ll live. If she doesn’t finish me off.

Time begins to speed up again- her footsteps not taking so long to hit the ground as they get closer. Clouds seem to flurry past and my heartbeat begins to race once more.

The fight isn’t done yet.

I push myself to my feet, feeling every ache, every pain, every burn a million times over.

The fight isn’t done yet.

I’m not done yet.

The Female Titan tightens her fist, preparing to swing backwards at Jean. Breaking out into a sprint, I click my triggers and shoot my wires into the ground, allowing me to run faster. A blur of gold and green starts towards the Titan as I do- catching me attention so I stutter and stop.

Reiner.

Teeth gritted, eyes blazing, blades glinting. He’s going for her nape.

Armin’s yelling something. The Titan stays completely still as he continues screaming.

And then she snaps.

She catches Reiner’s body in her hand.

My heart stops. Blood stops. Lungs stop.

Everything.

Stops.

“...no.”

Chills run down my spine- dull and weak. Nothing like adrenaline.

Fear.

“No… no.”

I shake my head, watching as Reiner’s body disappears in her grasp.

Someone grabs my waist, tugs me away. “No!” I scream, thrashing around as everything starts to move again. “No!”

“__________!” Jean yells, pulling me away. “We have to go!”

A blur of metal spins out from her grip, severing her fingers off from the base of her palm. Reiner pushes out and around her back. Grabbing Armin, he sprints away from her and towards us.

The four of us break out into a sprint as she stares down at her palm. She gets to her feet and runs away from us- her hand still steaming.

Something breaks inside of me. Tears start running down my face as Reiner sidles up next to me. Armin- bleeding from his forehead- is in his arms. Titan blood evaporates off of Reiner’s hair and shoulders as he looks down at me. “We’ll be okay! She won’t eat us unless she’s a cannibal! We-”

I cut him off, punching his shoulder as hard as I can. “Don’t you ever pull that shit again, Reiner Braun!” I snap, furiously wiping the tears rolling down my face. “I swear on the walls, I… I will kill you myself if you do, do you hear me?! You scared the shit outta me! I… I thought I lost you.”

Reiner laughs breathlessly. “I told you, darling. We haven’t gotten married, yet. I can’t die until that happens.”

“We aren’t leaving anyone behind,” I snap, tightening Armin’s bandages. “None of that, you hear me?”

“We might not have a choice,” Armin mutters, “If we all stay behind, we might all-”

“I said no!”

The three of us go silent as Jean continues whistling for his horse.

But the question still hangs in the air.

Who’s going to stay behind?

There’s only one horse- there’s four of us. If somehow one of us gets our horse back, we’ll be able to get out of here but until then… We’re stranded in Titan country without a means of escape.

“We have to talk about it,” Reiner says quietly.

“No,” I get to my feet and shake my head. “No. We don’t.”

“__________-”

I hold up a hand to stop him, “Don’t.” Turning to Jean, I gesture to his bag. “You have an emergency flare, yeah?”

Jean nods and gets it out, loading it into his gun. Shooting it into the sky, purple smoke trails up from our location.

It’s a long shot, but they might get the message.

“We can wait three more minutes,” Reiner says firmly. “During then, we’ll decide who’s gonna-”

“I’ll stay.” My head snaps to Armin. “Just get a message to the command section- to Commander Erwin, if you can.”

“I’m staying, too, then.”

“__________, no-” Reiner starts.

“I don’t want to hear it, Rei,” I mumble, “Please. I don’t… I don’t want to hear it but look. We’re both injured. Armin’s got a possible concussion and he’s bleeding. I’ve broken half a dozen ribs and I’ve got more bruises than I know what to do with. If anyone’s staying it’s-”

“Neither of you,” Jean laughs, “Someone’s coming this way with three horses.” The three of us look over to him as he shades his face from the sun. “I think it’s… It looks like… Christa!”

“Guys!” Christa’s dainty voice rings out as she approaches, “Are you okay?!”

I huff a laugh, “Define ‘okay’, blondie!”

“If __________’s still cracking jokes, she’s still alive, right?” Christa laughs, coming to a stop just in front of us. The three horses surrounding her skid to a stop.

Horse trots up to me, nudging me with his nose. “Hey there, Horse,” I mutter, pressing my head against his. “Ya miss me?”

“What happened to you guys?” Christa asks as she looks over me. “You look awful.”

“Aw, gee, thanks, blondie,” I giggle, “I feel awful.”

Christa’s soft face tightens slightly in concern. “...you’re sure you’ll be okay riding alone? Your horse… I dunno his name… but he seems to run alongside me pretty well- even without a harness.”

“Yeah, that’s him, alright,” I mumble, rubbing Horse’s nose. “But I think I’ll be alright.”

“...I’m with Christa,” Jean says warily, “You broke six ribs.”

“What?!” Christa screeches. “Six?! No, ma’am! You’re riding with me or with Jean! Six ribs- what were you thinking?!”

I shrug. “I’ve done worse.”

“Worse?!”

Oops. Shouldn’t have said that.

Christa sighs, pinching her eyes closed. “Fine. The past is the past. I can’t change it. But you- right now- are going to ride with Jean or me. Pick one.”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” I mumble with a smirk. “I’ll ride with you. Give the boys a little show, how ‘bout that?”

Christa turns a light shade of pink as Reiner helps me sit on top of Christa’s horse. “You behave,” Reiner mutters with a stern look.

But I can see it.

A little mischievous smirk plays his lips as he pulls away.

“Yes sir,” I coo, “I’ll be on my best behaviour.”

The four of us start off towards the center. “What’s your horse’s name?” Christa asks. “He really seems to like you. Before, I couldn’t get him to hold still- then, when I said your name, he calmed down and followed us perfectly fine.”

“...I just call him Horse.”

“...oh…”

I sigh and turn around to watch as Horse gallops. Cream-colored coat hiding thick muscles that twitch and writhe. Dots- freckles- that spatter his coat. His black mane whips about in the wind.

“Freckles,” I say quietly.

“What?”

“Freckles. That’s his name.”

I groan, letting my head fall back as my legs swing off the tree branch. “Rei, we’ve been sitting here for hours and you haven’t said a word to me,” my lip juts out in a pout, “Please talk to me.”

Reiner grumbles under his breath. His arms cross over his chest as he sits on the farest end of the tree branch away from me.

“Baby,” I whine, “you aren’t still mad at me for-”

“Yes, I’m still mad at you for being a tease. And we’ve been out here an hour. Hour and a half, tops.”

“Tch,” I groan again, “Baby, it was just a joke. I didn’t mean to drop my ring.” I hold my hand out in the sun to look at my moonstone ring as it glistens. “It wasn’t on purpose.”

“...you dropped it three times before we got up here.”

“I would never do anything to tease you.” Reiner raises an eyebrow and I roll my eyes. “On a mission.”

Rei’s shoulders lose some of their tension. “...you really didn’t mean to?”

“Of course not, baby,” I coo softly. “Not on a mission.”

Reiner sighs and rolls his eyes before getting to his feet. Wordlessly, he plops down beside me and lays his hand over mine on the branch. “You only call me ‘baby’ when you’re guilty,” he murmurs into the shell of my ear. “...so I forgive you.”

“Oh good, you caught on,” I tease, nudging him with my elbow.

“Easy, there, girl,” he huffs, “you’re still on thin ice.”

“You can’t stay mad at me,” I turn to face him and flash him a face-splitting smile. “I’m your darling.”

“...you’re right,” Rei laughs softly. “I could never.”

The two of us fall into a comfortable- buzzing with adrenaline but still comfortable- silence. I lean forward to look at the Titans gathered at the base of our tree, clawing and gripping the bark in an attempt to get to us. Hungrily, they salivate and stare up at us with glazed eyes.

The Female Titan. Why is she doing what she was? If she’s human, wouldn’t she want the walls to remain? They keep us safe for the time being. The outside world isn’t ready for us to break down our walls. And if she does want the walls gone, why?

And who is she?

“...are you listening?”

“Hm?” I ask, leaning back. “No, I’m sorry, I was just…,” my eyes flick down to the Titans, “...lost in thought.”

“I was just asking how your sides are.”

My fingers rub against my sides. They aren’t sore, they don’t hurt. I’ve always healed fast but knowing how long it’s supposed to take to heal sometimes, it’s… a little disconcerting. “I don’t feel anything.”

“...you’re better already?”

I shrug, “It could just be adrenaline. Or maybe they weren’t as badly broken as we thought they were. Bruising and breaks are really similar…”

Reiner hums in acknowledgment. “As long as you feel okay. When we get back, I’m still getting you checked out.”

“Yes sir.”

I lean over the side of the branch to see the Titans again. “It’s strange that we weren’t directed around the forest.” I comment quietly, leaning over more before my ODM wire locks into place.

“...Iyeah,” Reiner mutters, “Why wouldn’t we just go around?”

“I dunno,” I strain, slightly jiggling the wire a bit. “But do you think it was on purpose?”

“It’s Commander Erwin,” Rei chuckles, “Of course it was.”

“That’s true… I just… It’s so hard for us to see threats coming in,” I grip the wire and tug harder. “So why send them in?”

“Assuming he knows of the right flank casualties, we should’ve retreated a long time ago,” he mutters, “But we’re here and the center flank is somewhere in the trees.”

“Which is also weird, right?” I ask, yanking on the wire even harder. “I mean, if we are gonna go in, why not-”

The wire snaps out of the branch. The force of me pulling sends me over the edge of the branch. I watch as the wire extends rapidly- reeling me down towards the Titans’ grasps. Reiner runs to the end, reaching out to grab my hand.

But it’s too late.

A hand wraps around my body and pulls, unlatching my ODM wire from the tree. It starts to tighten as it turns me around to face it. My eyes lock onto it and I scream, thrashing around wildly. My arms are pinned in its hold- trapped against the steel of my ODM blade holsters and the clammy flesh wrapped around me.

Another Titan stares at me hungrily. As I look at it, red light starts to pour from its eyes like fog. Without warning, it lunges. I wince and duck away- waiting to be engulfed in moist darkness.

It doesn’t come. It’s replaced with an unearthly howl of pain and the sound of tearing flesh.

The grip around me falls away and as I’m spun in a free-fall, I catch glimpses of the scene above me. Red fog pours from the Titans’ eyes as they all latch onto the Titan that grabbed me. Bite by bite, they tear into the searing flesh of the Titan and devour the steaming chunks of bleeding meat.

They’re… eating it.

The red fog.

It was real.

My body stops, swinging up before I hit the forest floor. As we land on another branch, Reiner hugs me to his body tightly. “You scared the shit out of me,” he says raggedly. I feel tears drip onto my shoulder. But I don’t look at him- even as he pulls away, gripping my shoulders.

My eyes are focused on the fog swirling through the bodies of the Titans.

What the Hell is it?

Why does it keep following me?

Why does it keep saving me?

“...__________!”

I’m pulled back into my body- away from the grasping hands of the Titans that force muscles and tendons and organs down their throats. Blankly, I stare at Reiner. “What happened?” he asks quietly, looking over his shoulder at the Titans. “Are you-”

A scream rips out of my throat as I look down at my hands. My fingers start to rake through my skin, clawing for the source of the red fog.

Get it out.

Get. It. Out.

Reiner’s hands fumble with mine as they try to stop me from continuing the hurried slicing of my skin. “Darling, darling,” he says calmly as he grabs my wrists, “Darling, hey, look at me. Look at me.”

Wildly, my eyes fly around my surroundings.

Get it out. Red fog. Red fog. I have to get it out. I have to find it.

Red fog. I have to get it out.

Red fog.

“__________!” Reiner snaps, shaking me by my wrists, “Look at me!”

My gaze settles on him but I can feel myself twitching and writhing in place.

Red fog.

Get it out. I have to get it out.

“...you’re okay,” he mumurs, “You’re okay now, okay, darling? You’re safe.”

Tears burst from my eyes, leaking down my face as I roll my hands around from my wrists. Trembling violently, my body falls to the floor. Reiner catches me before I fall, scooping me up under my arms and holding me to him.

“There’s something... inside of me,” I strain, keeping down the screams wanting to claw their way out. My nails rake his back- threatening to rip through the fabric. “There is... something inside of me, Rei. I don’t know what it is. And I’m so scared, Rei. I just… I don’t… I don’t understand it. I… I don’t know... what it is. There’s… There’s something inside of me, Reiner, please! Please, Rei! Take it out! Get it out of me!”

WHEW

a doozy like i said. if you made it this far, i am so proud of you. my short attention span could literally never. as always thank you so much for reading and i hope to hear your thoughts and comments!

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what-is-your-plan-today · 4 years ago

Text

Stark Spangled Rebirth

Chapter 3: You Look Taller

Summary: Steve is transformed into the World’s First Super Soldier, but after a bomb is detonated in the SSR labs he is soon putting his new found strength to the test.

Warnings: Bad Language words.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: Once again, huge thanks to my beta readers and plugger of mind gaps where I was blocked… @southerngracela and @icanfeelastormbrewing

Any mistakes are my own. I’ll probably spot them once posted but, whatever!

SSR Masterlist // WIYPT Masterlist

Steve didn’t sleep a wink that night. His mind was in overdrive, his body spiking with just about as many contrasting emotions one could possibly feel all at once. Excitement, fear, pride, concern, uncertainty, determination…and then there were his thoughts about Katie and what they’d done. He was conflicted about that as well. On the one hand it had been so wrong, to have rubbed one another to release through their clothes, without even courting so to speak. It went against everything his Ma had taught him about treating a dame with respect, instead he’d gone ahead and behaved just like Bucky normally did when he paraded around in his uniform, using it to pick up any woman he could.

But on the other nothing had ever felt so damned right to him before in his life.

He still couldn’t quite believe it, although the evidence it had happened was plain to see in his pants which he’d hastily changed and hidden in the bottom of his trunk. What he was having trouble processing was why. Why a dame like that had picked a guy like him. He still wasn’t completely convinced she wasn’t acting out of pity. Pity that he was about to undergo some transformation and had never been touched that way before.

But then she’d admitted that she hadn’t either. “What was it you said about waiting for the right partner?”

Maybe she did actually feel something for him. And whilst it hadn’t been the most conventional beginning, perhaps it might morph into something else?

With a groan he shook his head, who was he kidding? It was June, 1943 and they were in the middle of a war. He was about to be injected with some kind of serum that was either going to turn him into a soldier with enhanced capabilities or…well, he didn’t want to think about the 'or'. Either way, he knew what should be at the forefront of his mind, and a relationship with Katie Stark was not it.

He went about his morning routine as normal. Thanks to the SSRs programme being covert, most people on the base completely ignored him as usual, which suited him fine. The last thing he wanted was people asking him questions about how he was feeling, because he simply didn’t know. This time, once he was dressed he ensured all his belongings were packed ready to be taken to his new barracks, wherever they were going to be and no sooner had he done that the door opened and he snapped to attention, saluting the soldier that had arrived along with Agent Carter.

“Hello Steve," she smiled at him.

“Good morning, Ma’am.” He said, his hand, dropping to his side and he relaxed as she instructed him to be at ease.

“Are you ready?” she asked.

“As I’ll ever be.”

“Good, follow me then.”

Grabbing his hat he headed after her, walking in silence through the camp, his eyes focussed directly ahead. Eventually he was led around to the main office buildings near the Guardhouse, outside of which a car was waiting. Peggy walked around one side where the driver opened the door for her and Steve snapped himself out of his thoughts and climbed into the other side, shutting the door behind him.

The 2 or so hour drive��from New Jersey to their destination was quiet. Agent Carter made a little small talk, but for the most she was silent or conversing with the driver. That said, it seemed to fly by in comparison to when he had taken the trip the other way a little under a week ago. As he glanced at the buildings passing them by, one by one they started to get familiar.

“I know this neighborhood," Steve said absentmindedly as he looked out of the window. “I got beat up in that alley.” He continued watching his finger pointing out of the window, his eyebrows raised as he spotted another familiar landmark “And that parking lot.” Another pause as his head dropped slightly, eyes on his hands which were clasped on his lap “And behind that diner.”

“Did you have something against running away?” Peggy asked and Steve took a deep breath, shaking his head as he remembered his Ma’s words to him.

“You start running they’ll never let you stop.” He explained, once more glancing out of the window, “You stand up, push back. Can’t say no forever, right?” He gave a shrug and once more his eyes fell to his hands. He stared at them, and the longer he stared the more he thought back.

These were the hands that had last night traced the soft curves of Agent Stark’s hips, breasts. The vision coming in so clear, nearly like a picture show and it caused him to swallow a little, his throat and mouth feeling dry and he couldn’t help but wish that it was Katie in the car with him, not Agent Carter. Whilst the pretty, British woman sat on the seat beside him had always been pleasant enough to him, there was something about Katie that just kept him grounded if there ever were a word to describe the way she made him feel. He never once felt jittery in her presence yet now, as he sat there being quizzed on something that was actually quite personal, he was starting to feel a little angsty.

“I know a little of what that’s like. To have every door shut in your face.” Peggy spoke gently as she looked at him and Steve met her gaze for a second before she looked forward once more, and his mind strayed back to something Katie had said last night.

“Yeah, I guess so.” He looked down at his hands. “Katie…I mean Agent Stark told me about how people weren’t exactly open to the pair of you joining the SSR or the Army.”

“She did?” Agent Carter looked at him, her brown drawing ever so slightly into a frown.

Steve nodded, “last night.” And no sooner had the words left his mouth his eyes widened as he realised he’d outed the fact Katie had come to his barracks. Peggy looked at him, an immaculately shaped brow arched slightly, rouged lips curling up into a smirk at one side as Steve began to babble out an excuse “She came to check on me, along with Dr Erskine. I mean, well, just as he was leaving that is. There was…we just…”

“You don’t need to explain. What you and Agent Stark do is nothing to do with me, ” Peggy shook her head, the corner of her lips twitching as Steve hastily looked away, out of the window, his cheeks burning. “I do know one thing though."

“What’s that?” Steve’s head whipped round to look at her.

“She’s soft on you.” Peggy replied simply “That’s why she’s been torn ever since you got picked to be our candidate.”

“Torn?”

“In case it goes wrong.” Peggy shrugged, "Or you change in more ways than physically which means you’re no longer the man she…” Peggy trailed off, licking her lips taking a deep breath before she continued “…the man she clearly cares for.”

Steve met her eyes for a second before he looked away, his stomach now twisting in knots that had nothing to do with the procedure he was about to undergo. But the warmth and excitement he had initially felt at what Peggy had said died all too fast because of course it would be just his luck to finally meet a gal that enjoyed his company, liked him for who he was, a gal who he felt comfortable with and attracted to, just as he was about to undergo whatever the hell this procedure entailed before he shipped off to goodness knows where.

Time was a cruel mistress sometimes.

The rest of the journey passed in silence, and it wasn’t long before the car pulled up at the side of a fairly busy street and Steve frowned, following Agent Carter’s lead, climbing out of the vehicle. He took a quick look around. There were plenty of people on the sidewalks in the summer sun, going about their everyday business, none paying him any attention.

“This way.” Agent Carter spoke and he spun to follow her, taking a look up at the fairly non-descript shop called ‘Brooklyn Antiques’ which she was leading him towards.

“What are we doing here?” he asked.

“Follow me.” Peggy completely ignored his question and instead walked into the shop, Steve behind her, placing his hat on his head. The bell above the door rang as Peggy pushed it open, Steve pausing to shut it behind him as Agent Carter strolled into the dimly lit, crowded shop. It smelt of old leather, wax and furniture polish and was crammed full of all sorts of intriguing items that Steve would normally have found fascinating.

But as it stood he was just plain confused.

Peggy stopped still as an old woman with grey hair, clad in a floaty dress and a pink cardigan emerged through a set of heavy drapes and stopped, smiling at them both. “Wonderful Weather this morning, isn’t it?” she spoke.

“Yes, but I always carry an umbrella.” Peggy replied.

At her words the woman gave an almost in perceptible nod and moved to the desk which held the cash register. Steve heard a faint buzz and then Peggy gently gestured once more for him to follow her. He did so as she walked through the drapes the woman had emerged from into a crowded store room of sorts which held photos, heavy gilded frames…basically everything his Ma would have labelled junk. He stopped besides Peggy as she looked at a huge book shelf which covered nearly the entire back wall and then to his absolute astonishment the book shelf simply opened towards him revealing that it was actually a set of 6 inch solid steel doors.

Steve’s mouth dropped open as he was now facing a huge corridor which was in use by a number of military and medical staff walking by. Agent Carter stepped in and he did the same, following her down, glancing every so often to his side at the Military Police Officers and soldiers, trying to figure out how the hell all of this was hidden from public sight on the outside. Eventually they reached a set of double doors which were pulled open and Steve found himself on the mezzanine balcony of a huge circular room filled with machinery, some kind of pod in the middle of the chamber he was looking over. It was full of doctors and technicians, all dressed in white lab coats and the entire room fell silent as everyone looked up at him. He immediately spotted Katie, stood by Dr Erskine. His eyes locked onto hers and even from the distance he was away he could see they were shining in the light of the lab.

Agent Carter took a deep breath and tuned to her right, Steve hastily following her down the metal steps to the lower part of the chamber. He strode over to where Dr Erskine was waiting, file in hand besides Katie who smiled at him.

“Hi.” She said gently and he smiled back at her, swallowing a little as his attention turned to Dr Erskine as the doctor spoke.

“Good morning.” He smiled, shaking Steve’s hand when suddenly a camera flashed as a photographer who Steve hadn’t noticed snapped a shot, causing him to blink a little. “Please, not now.” Erskine protested and the photographer made a hasty retreat, ushered away by Peggy as she followed him from the chamber, directing him away from the equipment and up the stairs to the side.

Steve turned to his right, looking at the pod, his eyes roving all the dials and the various components, his chest expanding as he took a deep breath.

“Are you ready?” Katie asked softly and Steve nodded his head, turning back to her.

“Good.” Erskine spoke “Take off your shirt, your tie and your hat.”

“Maybe the hat first…” Katie quipped, pointing out the order Erskine had said the clothing items in was a little awry and Erskine looked at her, sarcastically. She met his stare with an equally sassy one of her own, a cheeky grin on her face as she shrugged.

Steve did as he was told, handing his items of clothing off to a nurse who smiled, taking it away before Erskine directed Steve up the steps to the left of the pod. He climbed up, shuffled around slightly as Katie watched him lay down, his head on the leather headrest at the top.

“Comfortable?” Katie asked him.

“It’s a little big.” Steve joked, smiling and she gave a soft chuckle, reaching out to touch his arm. Her hand was surprisingly warm and she left it there for just long enough before she pulled back as Erskine appeared by her side, smiling, “You save me any of that schnapps?” Steve looked at him.

“Not as much as I should have.” Erskine almost grimaced “Sorry. Next time” at that he stepped back, “Mr. Stark, how are your levels?”

Steve glanced to his left and for the first time caught a glimpse of Katie’s brother up close as he strode towards them, clad in a smart pair of slacks, white shirt, tie and waistcoat.

“Levels at 100%.” Howard replied as he stopped besides his sister, taking a look at Steve. Now they were side by side, the resemblance between the two was clear to see. Same nose, cheekbones, but Katie’s hair was a lighter shade, her eyes a warm, striking green where Howard’s were a deep brown.

“Good.” Erskine turned away as Howards eyes roved over Steve a little.

“We may dim half the lights in Brooklyn, but we are ready…” Howard smiled, “…as we’ll ever be.”

“He’s not a damned fish in a bowl, Howie…” Katie said, nudging her brother as he was still gawping at Steve. Howard turned to face her, his eyebrow arched, before he gave Steve one last look and headed off towards some kind of machine in the far corner of the room.

“Ass.” Katie shook her head before she glanced at Steve. “Are you sure you wanna do this?” She dropped her voice, “If you’re having any…” “I’m not.” Steve shook his head, cutting her off mid sentence.

“Okay.” She took a deep breath, and for a second looked as though she was going to say something else but she was interrupted by Erskine.

“Agent Stark? Don’t you think you would be more comfortable in the booth?”

“Oh, erm, yeah, of course. Sorry.” She took a deep breath before she looked back at Steve. Again, she made to say something, but clearly decided against it. Instead she reached out, gave his hand a soft squeeze before she turned and walked away. Steve watched her go and as she approached the stairs she stopped and looked back at him, her face softening once more into an almost shy little smile before she turned away once more.

Steve’s head rolled back round, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. His heart was racing now, and he wasn’t quite sure whether that was all down to the procedure or the fact that her hand on his had jolted another memory of their time together the previous night. Luckily, before he had time to dwell on it too much, there was a loud booming noise as Erskine loudly tapped a microphone.

“Do you hear me? Is this on?” Satisfied that it was, the doctor turned and looked up at the small group gathered to watch in the glass walled room on the level above the atrium. “Ladies and gentlemen, today we take not another step towards annihilation, but the first step on the path to peace.”

As Erskine spoke two nurses pulled down the large rectangular shaped pads at either side of the chamber, laying them flush to Steve’s chest.

“We begin with a series of micro injections into the subjects major muscle groups. The serum infusion will cause immediate cellular change.” Erskine continued as the nurses retrieved the vials of blue coloured liquid, slotting them into the appropriate receptacles along the side of the chamber by Steve’s hips. “And then to stimulate growth, the subject will be saturated with Vita-Rays.”

Erskine walked back to Steve’s side as a nurse approached him with a syringe. She inserted it into Steve’s shoulder and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as she pulled the needle out of his skin.

“That wasn’t so bad.” Steve spoke, pleasantly surprised at how easy that had been. He wasn’t a huge fan of needles, having spent most of his childhood one way or another being stabbed by them for his various ailments, but he’d learned to cope with them.

However, his relief was short lived.

“That was penicillin.” Erskine looked at him and Steve felt not only apprehension creeping back into his system, but a deep embarrassment at being so dumb as to think it would be that simple.

Erskine then cleared his throat and spoke once more to the others in the room. “Serum infusion beginning in five, four…” at that two further pads like the one on his chest lowered, cuffing his arms a little “…three, two…” Erskine gently patted Steve’s shoulder “…one.”

Steve felt the sharp cone-like spikes of the pads attached to his body piercing his skin and he could actually feel the serum as it flowed into his body. It was cold, like he’d dipped each limb into an icy lake, and the shock of it forced his eyes wide open.

“Now, Mr. Stark,” he heard Erskine say and, after a second or two he felt the pod move into an upright positions, the sides and top parts enclosing him inside. He gave a snort as he realised that the glass screen at the front, designed for whoever was in here to be able to see out of was a good 6 inches too high.

Steve took a deep breath and then there was a little knock on the outside of the capsule.

“Steven, can you hear me?” Erskine asked.

“It’s probably too late to go to the bathroom, right?” Steve joked, making light of what was happening, the sweat already beading on his brow. And, if he was honest, he probably could have happily peed right then, more out of nerves than anything else.

“We will proceed.” Steve heard Erskine say and then a few seconds later the capsule he was in was flooded with a warm light, as the Vita Rays were turned on.

“That’s ten percent.” Steve could hear Howard’s voice. “Twenty percent. Thirty…that’s forty percent.”

As the count increased so did the intensity of the light and heat. What started off feeling like a pleasant dose of summer sun was rapidly becoming unbearable. Even the brightest sunlight he’d ever been in on Coney Island during the summer was nothing compared to this. He skin felt like it was on fire.

“That’s fifty percent. Sixty. Seventy.”

Despite his best attempts, the burning was simply too much and Steve couldn’t keep the yell of pain from bursting out of his mouth any longer as the vita rays washed over him. He was hot, hotter than he had ever been before. His skin was bubbling almost as if his blood was boiling similar to a kettle of water. He was vaguely aware of voices outside the chamber and herd Katie’s loud yell as it rang around the air.

“Shut it down!”

Erskine’s voice hit his ears as the doctor banged on the chamber he was in “Steven!”

“You heard her, shut it down!” Agent Carter’s voice was clear and then he heard Erskine once more as the Doctor frantically shouted.

“Kill the reactor, Mr. Stark! Turn it off! Kill it! Kill the reactor!”

“No, don’t!” Steve yelled back, finally finding his voice. There was no way he was quitting, not after he’d come this far. He could take this. Pain was nothing, he felt it every day of his damned life. “I can do this!”

Famous last words. The heat increased, the pain increased, it was too much. Every muscle in his body was searing in agony and it felt like someone was lancing him with red hot needles over and over again…

But then suddenly it went dark. The pain was gone, the heat was gone and all Steve could feel now was an overwhelming sense of calm and tiredness even, like he’d just been on another one of those damned runs with the unit. His chest was heaving as he gulped in air, his head falling to the side as he panted, waiting for his body to recover. After waiting, for what seemed like forever but was in reality mere seconds, he heard Erskine call out to Howard again and then the doors to the pod opened, the cool air hitting Steve’s perspiring skin.

He stumbled out of the pod supported by two people, he had no idea who, as his eyes were screwed shut, his head bowed as he took deep gulps of air. His legs felt heavy and he was a little unbalanced, as if his centre of gravity had changed somewhat, but as he took a shaky step forward he noticed how clear his chest felt. His breathing wasn’t wheezy in the slightest and with every breath he took he felt stronger, less lightheaded. All in all, despite feeling completely overwhelmed he felt good.

“I did it.” He panted a little, his eyes still closed as he took a shaky step forward.

“Yeah, yeah. I think we did it.” Erskine’s voice came from his right, followed by Howard’s from his left which was laced with pride.

“We actually did it.”

“How do you feel?” another familiar voice said and with a deep breath he straightened up and at Katie before he glanced around the chamber and realised that for the first time in his life he was looking down at people.

“Taller.” He answered a little facetiously, glancing at Katie as she reached out to touch his chest, swallowing a little as she hastily withdrew her hand.

“You look taller.” She said, handing him a T-shirt she took off another member of the nursing staff. Steve took it with a thanks and moved to pull it over his head, his breathing finally evening out and he turned to face a doctor who approached him a little nervously.

“Mr. Rogers, we just need to-“

But whatever it was that they needed Steve never found out as at that point there was a loud explosion from the room over the atrium, showering them in glass. Instinctively, Steve pulled Katie towards him, curling his body around hers to shield her from the debris before he stood up tall as he heard Erskine yelling.

“Stop him!”

Then there was a gun shot and as he wheeled round he saw Erskine drop to the floor. Katie pushed past Steve whipping a gun from her hip taking aim as the culprit ran up the stairs with the two female agents in pursuit.

Steve knelt besides Erskine, his eyes locking onto the doctor's as he struggled for air. Erskine opened his mouth, but shut it again, and Steve realised from the blood that was pooling around the doctors body, there was nothing he could do. Erskine raised his right hand, and simply prodded Steve’s chest gently, right above his heart, similar to the way he’d pointed at him the night before.

“Not a perfect soldier, but a good man…”

The words echoed in Steve’s brain as he watched Erskine’s eyes close as his head rolled to the right, his breathing stopped. Steve took a deep breath of his own and felt another heat radiating through his body, this one pure anger as he raised his head slowly to look at the stairs the suspect had run up mere moments ago. His jaw clenching, he sprang to his feet and ran off, taking the steps two at a time.

As he sprinted through the facility he could hear gunshots and explosions from the street and as he emerged into the shot he saw the woman from earlier led on the floor, not moving, a wound to her chest. Vaulting over her he saw Katie to his left tending to someone who was down on the sidewalk, whilst Agent Carter was stood in the road, un-moving, arm raised as she shot at a Yellow Cab which was driving straight for them. He threw himself at Peggy, taking her out of the path of danger as the car sped past

“I had him!” Agent Carter said with an air of annoyance as they both climbed to their feet.

“Sorry!” Steve yelled as he started to run after the car, surprised momentarily at the way his legs just seemed to move with little or no effort, covering far more ground than he was used to. He picked up the pace, tracking the car as he went, taking a short cut down a road to his left. But he was going too fast and as he rounded a corner he lost control over his new power and crashed straight through the window of a Bridal Wear store, taking out the display. He jumped back up, straight onto the street, tossing another apology over his shoulder as he cut down a narrow alleyway with a chainmail fence at the bottom.

The fence was ten feet tall, easily, and Steve picked up speed a little more with the aim of jumping as high up it as he could get before scrambling over the top, but as he took off from the floor he realised that he was going to clear it.

He was going to clear a ten foot fucking fence.

Tucking his legs up, he sailed over it with room to spare before landing easily and running out onto a street full of cars, his hands held up, protests of “woah, whoa, whoa” slipping form his mouth automatically as they all skidded to a stop trying to avoid him. He spun to his left, spotted the cab and continued his chase as it weaved itself in and out of the traffic.

He was gaining on it now and he dug a little deeper, realising he had a lot more energy in his tank, his bare feet slapping the wet concrete of the ground. As he drew closer to the car he knew that the only way to get the vehicle to stop was by getting inside it, and to do that…well, he needed to physically get hold of it first of all. An idea suddenly came to him as he saw a car in front of him and he approached he hopped up onto the trunk then the roof, and then to the car in front before jumping onto the back of a truck. With a final leap he flung himself at the yellow taxi landing flat on the roof, his hands gripping either side of the sills above the doors as it began to sharply weave side to side. It took a sharp turn to the left, then right, then left again, forcing Steve to adjust his hold as it tore down a narrow street before emerging on the road which led to the pier. This gave Steve a little time to steady himself and he rose tentatively onto his hands and knees before there was a loud bang and a bullet shot through the roof of the car. Another few shots came, Steve dodging them all as he slid down the side of the car, wrenching the passenger door open. But before he could climb in, the man shot at him, meaning Steve had to let go with his right arm to avoid taking the bullet straight in the chest. But by shooting at him, his target had taken his eyes off the road, meaning he hadn’t noticed the two trucks emerging in front of him. The taxi crashed straight into them and flipped over sideways, beginning to roll and Steve let go, tumbling forward onto the floor before he came to a stop.

Steve rose to his feet and headed forwards as his target crawled from the car. He watched as the man stood, pointing his gun towards Steve and shot, missing him, the various people screaming as the gun went off. Steve picked up the door of the car which was lying in the road and held it in front of him with the intention of using it to shield himself whilst drawing in on his target. The man shot twice, the second bullet coming right through the door and grazing the left hand side of Steve’s abdomen. As he peered round the side of the door he noticed that the man had now taken a young boy hostage, his arm pinned around his chest as he dragged him backwards, the boy’s mother screaming and begging for him to stop. Steve tossed the door to the side, following him, his right hand clutching at the wound to his left side.

“Get back!” The man warned with the boy dangling in his arms as he backed away. Steve dodged another bullet, flattening himself against the wall. The man ran off towards the dockside and Steve followed, using a large iron buoy as shield from another incoming shot. He hastily continued, keeping his back to the damp brick of the shipping company building, and as he peered round the arch he saw the man raise his gun and press the barrel to the boys head.

Steve’s blood ran cold, “Wait, don’t! Don’t!” He protested, approaching with his arms up. At that the man pointed the gun at Steve and pulled the trigger, Steve automatically flinching as he awaited the shot that never came because the gun was empty. As he had nothing else to do, the hostile dragged the boy towards the side of the docks and Steve realised what he was intending to do.

“No! Don’t!”, but it was too late. With a shove the kid went flying into the water and the man turned, sprinting away. Steve ran to the edge to see the boy treading water, looking up at him.

“Go get him! I can swim!”

Decision made, Steve sprinted after his target who had disappeared, but as he ran he noticed to the right in the water some kind of sleek, black submarine pulling away. With a spring off the edge Steve dove into the icy, cold water, swimming in the vessel's slipstream. Whether the sub wasn’t going that fast, or if it was his ability to simply swim faster, Steve had no idea, but he caught it easily, punching a hole straight through into the cockpit, flooding it with water. He then wrenched the canopy open and pulled the man sharply upwards sending him flying straight out of the surface and onto the cold stone of the dockside where he landed with a thud.

Steve followed quickly, climbing a set of steps out of the water and as the man got up, Steve saw the flash of a blade in his hand. With reflexes his old neighbour’s cat would have been proud of, he dodged out of the way aiming a kick to the man’s chin which sent him sprawling backwards. The knife flew from his hand, but so did a familiar vial which Steve suddenly realised was full of Erskine’s serum. It shattered on the floor, the blue liquid pooling on the flags as Steve gripped the lapels of the man’s jacket, pulling him harshly forwards.

“Who the hell are you?” He demanded.

“The first of many," the man spoke in a thick accent. “Cut off one head-” at that he popped a tooth loose and swallowed it, looking at Steve, his jaw set, “-two more shall take its place.”

Steve frowned, perplexed as none of that made any sense, until he spoke again, through the foam that had now started to bubble from his mouth.

“Hail Hydra!”

With that the man gave a little grunt, his pupils completely dilated as he grew heavy and limp in Steve’s grip. Steve let go, the body falling to the ground as he straightened up, his chest heaving as he stared at the dead man on the floor.

Steve couldn’t help the disappointment flooding his system at the fact he hadn’t managed to capture him alive. But that said, whilst he hadn’t managed to find out who he was exactly, he now knew who he was working for and at least they’d managed to stop the serum from falling into the wrong hands.

The serum.

At that Steve glanced down at his hands, which were both significantly larger, then to his forearms where the muscles flexed as he opened and closed his fists. With everything that had happened he hadn’t had chance to appreciate the extent to which the procedure had actually enhanced him. He’d ran with a speed he had never thought possible, his lungs had stretched to a capacity that now, he thought about it, completely stunned him. His ability to swim the way he had was new, the way he could leap, the pure athleticism he had displayed in that short 10 minute chase was nothing short of astonishing.

His hands flew to his stomach to find a hard set of abs, his fingers tracing the definition of the planes of muscle under the wet t-shirt which clung to his body. His hands continued to move upwards almost tentatively, reaching the hard curve of his pecs and it was at that point a voice broke through his stunned thoughts.

“Steve!”

He looked up to see Agent Stark running towards him. Behind her Agent Carter and a few other soldiers and police officers were working to keep the now assembled crowd on the pier back. “Are you okay? You’re bleeding.”

Steve glanced down at his shirt and noticed for the first time the blood on the white material. He shook his head.

“He shot me but it's just a graze, I’m fine.” He jerked his head towards the guy on the ground by his feet. “More than can be said for him.”

Katie glanced down at the body on the floor, blinking as if she was seeing the dead man for the first time before she dropped to her knees, her fingers pressing into his neck checking for a pulse.

“Did he drown?” she asked, looking up.

“No.” Steve said, and he quickly explained about the submarine and pulling the man from the water. As he explained about the vial of serum, he saw Katie’s eyes flick to the broken glass on the floor before her face darted back to Steve as he told her about the man having loosened his tooth and bit something. “I’m not sure what it was but…”

“He bit something?” Katie’s entire face changed into a look of shock, her eyes darting side to side as she wrenched the guys mouth open, her fingers jamming straight inside.

Steve grimaced. “What…”

“Son of a bitch.” she pulled her hand back and knelt back on her heels, wiping her hands very ungracefully on the side of her skirt.

“I’m not…”

“Cyanide capsule.” She sighed, “A lot of the intelligence organisations provide them to their undercover agents and they keep them hidden in a false tooth. If you’re caught, you can effectively kill yourself before you’re taken and…well…”

“Tortured?” Steve finished for her. Katie took a deep breath and shrugged.

“Questioned was the word I was going to use but…” she shrugged, looking around. “He was clearly a Nazi Spy.”

Steve looked at her, nodding. “He was Hydra.”

“Hydra? Are you sure?”

“Heil Hydra.” Steve nodded as he looked down at the dead man, “Last thing he said before he died.”

Katie bit her lip, “Fuck.” She mumbled, before she looked up at Steve “Sorry, just, well Erskine warned Phillips not to be complacent about Schmidt but Phillips was adamant that Hitler was the big threat.” She bowed her head a little, her shoulder slumping and Steve took a deep breath as he realised that the Doctor was no longer with them having died in his arms little over 10 minutes ago. It left him feeling hollow, sick even and from the looks of it Katie was feeling just as bad.

But now wasn’t the time.

“I err…” Steve cleared his throat a little, composing himself. “I’m not following? Why did Erskine differentiate? I mean, I thought Hydra were Hitler’s deep science organisation?”

Katie glanced down once more before she turned her pretty face back to Steve, “Yes, they are. But Erskine always said Schmidt had ambitions beyond Hitler’s. Something Peggy backed up from her time undercover.”

At that point she made to stand and automatically Steve offered her his hand. She took it and he made to pull her up, but with his new strength he was far more forceful than he had meant to be and she gave a little yelp of surprise as she was jerked straight into his chest.

“Easy Soldier.” she gasped, her hands falling to his biceps as she steadied herself.

“Sorry," he hastily apologised, his own hands settling gently on either side of her ribcage, the rough tweed of her uniform jacket was prickly under the pads of his fingers. “I’m not used to…” he trailed off as he realised that not only was he looking down at her now, but his new large frame completely dwarfed hers.

“Don’t worry about it.” Her voice was equally breathy as his, her eyes still on his face and she gave him a little smile before she moved one hand upwards, gently cupping his cheek, almost as if she was checking something, which to be fair, she might have been. Steve had no idea what he looked like, he hadn’t seen a mirror yet. The only parts of him he’d managed to get a glimpse at so far were his arms and legs.

What he did know was that her touch was blazing on his skin, more than it had been the night before. He could hear her breathing too, and he could see every single detail on her face… and her eyes. Not only were they green, but they were the most gorgeous shade of green he had ever seen in his life. He could see the dots of brown speckled throughout and the slight ring of amber surrounding her irises, reminding him of the sun. Full of warmth and power….

“Hey, you ok?” Katie frowned.

“Yeah, erm, I just, I can see better.” He said simply, as her hand gently curled in on itself before she dropped it to her side. “Has it…” he began to ask and Katie smiled, shaking her head.

“Still handsome.” She smiled, and Steve felt his neck flush with heat again before a voice cut through their moment.

“Did you get it?” Colonel Phillips was striding towards them. Katie moved back from Steve, turning towards her Superior, steeling her composure.

“No, ” she shook her head, before gesturing to the shattered vial on the floor.

“Shit.” Phillips exclaimed with a groan.

“But neither did they.” Katie looked at him, before she turned to look at Steve once more, “And there is one upside to all this…”

“Don’t you dare tell me to look on the Brightside, Stark.” Phillips glared at her as she took a deep breath, realising her head, chin jutting defiantly towards him.

“At least we know it works," she said simply.

Phillips looked at her, then to Steve, before he gave a snort. “One isn’t enough.”

Steve inhaled deeply, his frustration mounting but it was Agent Stark that spoke next.

“Well, one is all you’ve got. I suggest you start treating him with a little more respect seeing as he just chased down a damned Hydra operative through twelve blocks of Brooklyn, pulled him out of some underwater craft and took a bullet for his troubles.”

Phillips’ jaw twitched at the way he was being spoken to and Steve grimaced slightly in anticipation of the incoming dressing down Katie was going to get, but it never arrived.

“Hydra?” the man blinked and Kate nodded.

“Yes, Sir.”

Phillips took a deep breath and then turned to Steve, his eyes travelling up and down his body “Rogers, you hurt?”

“No sir.”

Philips inhaled again and then turned to Peggy “Agent Carter, I want a recovery unit down here for this so called underwater craft. You two…” he spun back to face Steve and Katie, “Back to the lab so the Medical Team can assess you. If you are truly the only super soldier I’m getting, then the last thing I want is you to drop dead of complications.”

“That means he cares," Katie looked up at Steve who glanced at her as he saw a smile tug at her lips.

“You’re gettin’ on my nerves,” Phillips pointed at her, before he gave her a filthy look and turned to leave.

“Is it authority in general you got a problem with or just him?” Steve asked after a moment or two and Katie let out a little chuckle.

“Believe it or not I actually like Chester.” She smiled, “I just enjoy irritating him more. Come on, we’re attracting a bit of a crowd so…” She gently squeezed his hand before she began walking the same way Colonel Philips had done a few moments before, Steve following, pausing slightly as he felt a tug on the side of his T-shirt. He stopped and turned to find the kid who he’d last seen bobbing up and down in the muggy water of the docks grinning up at him.

“That was swell!” The kid laughed and Steve raised his eyebrows.

“That’s not exactly the word I would use.”

“No, but the way you ran and jumped in and then threw him outta the water like BAM!” The kid smirked and Steve felt his cheeks growing warm at the praise, raising a hand to rub at the back of his neck. “What’s your name Mister?”

“Err Steve.”

“Marty!” A voiced called and the boy turned, Steve following his gaze to see a woman who had been stood talking to a police officer, hastily making her way over. “Come on…”

“Ma’am.” Steve greeted her as she stopped in front of him, taking a breath.

“You saved him.” She said, her voice cracking.

“Oh, no, I…”

“Thank you,” She stood on her toes and kissed Steve’s cheek before she dropped an arm round her son’s shoulders and turned him away, gently talking to him.

Steve stood stock still for a moment, swallowing, before he turned to see Katie watching him, her eyebrow arched a little, smile spread across her pretty face.

“A regular superhero,” she teased and Steve rolled his eyes at her as he fell into step besides her.

“Hardly.” He scoffed, “I’m just a kid from Brooklyn.”

Katie stopped and turned to face him, shaking her head, “You don’t get it do you?”

“Get what?” He frowned as she began to walk again.

“How many other kids from Brooklyn do you know that would have just done what you did?”

“Well its hardly a fair comparison is it?” he asked as they walked down the side of the building, Katie nodding to Agent Carter as they passed “How many others do you know that just got converted into…well, a Super Soldier or whatever the hell they’re calling me?”

“You had no idea what that serum had done, other than make you taller,” she shot back as they moved back towards the entrance of the pier. “But you took off after that guy, without so much as a second thought for YOUR safety.”

“I just did what anyone would have done.” He sighed, a little uncomfortable at her praise.

She stopped at the side of a black car and turned to face him, her face soft, “No, you did what that kid from Brooklyn would have done.” Her eyes remained locked onto his before they were interrupted by an Army official who handed Steve a blanket. He took it with a thanks, wrapping it around his shoulders, despite the fact that he didn’t feel cold in the slightest, in fact he felt a pretty strong sense of warmth.

And as he watched Katie climb into the car he was pretty sure that wasn’t solely attributable to Erskine’s serum which was now coursing through his veins.

#stark spangled rebirth #steve rogers #steve rogers x original female character #katie stark #captain america #captain america fanfiction #chris evans #chris evans characters

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ghostmartyr · 5 years ago

Text

SnK 130 Thoughts

My opening joke is going to be a brief description of Historia’s circumstances, because it requires no creative energy on my part to make it a joke.

To review!

107 introduces the concept of Historia being a breeding factory. This is suggested as part of Zeke’s 50-year plan to establish Paradis without it being genocided to death. At the end of 107, present-day Historia is shown to be pregnant.

At the very beginning of 108, the Military Police openly discuss how this is kind of weird. And while the mood is largely in favor of Historia having children so the Founding Titan stays in Paradis control, she’s having a child at a very inconvenient time for everyone, because she’s supposed to eat Zeke before he can cause trouble.

In 114, it is revealed that Zeke’s actual plan is to sterilize all Eldians so they die off and stop being a problem. By virtue of five seconds of pondering, this falls apart when you consider that Zeke’s plan is the beginning of Historia being prepped to breed children. Having any royal children would actively interfere with Zeke’s ability to guarantee that his choices for the Founding Titan would be the last.

In 130, Historia is shown to still be going along with the 50-year concept, and no one is stopping her except Eren, who is against Zeke’s sterilization plan (which a child would stop), and who says that Historia making this kind of choice is what’s driving him to genocide.

To which Historia suggests a baby.

-draws a line back to 107-

-underlines Eren’s angry feelings about all of this-

This would make sense if it were live action and the actress were pregnant.

Not within the story or anything.

But an explanation would at least exist.

I should take up drinking. Or cocaine. Or something.

There’s virtually zero content this chapter. Half of it is just Eren going on rampage. This is how you know it’s the end of a volume for a story that’s ending. The subtle ways the story beats come firing at a machine gun’s pace before slowing to a deliberately controlled crawl.

Surprise, Liberio’s no longer a factor!

-surprised Pikachu faces-

-everyone officially burnt out on violence-

-except Eren-

-this is a problem because Eren is indeed causing the most violence, and violence would probably be a great help in stopping him, so having someone on that boat thinking they should just fucking stab him would be just a little encouraging that’s all I’m saying-

Then we dash straight into a slightly more visible flashback to Eren’s memories of the future being unlocked, and get to the development of his genocide plan.

It isn’t much of a plan.

It mostly still involves genocide.

But worse.

He’s basically going to do what Karl did, only when he tells people on Paradis that all the humans beyond their borders are dead, he won’t be lying. He is keeping the genocide and the mind-wiping, though. In this spirit of how well that worked out previously.

This is a choice.

A bad one.

Even by Eren’s current standards.

This is especially impressive given that he has none.

Alrighty then. Uh.

Here we have Eren’s mission statement. That’s nice?

“The only way to put a final end to the cycle of revenge born from hate... is to remove that history of hate from this world and bury it in the ground, civilization and all.”

Legitimately, Eren’s entire plan amounts to, “The First King was right about everything except not actually making us the last humans alive on the planet.”

See, Zeke’s plan of killing all Eldians off is evil and bad, and Eren is disgusted at the very idea of going along with it.

Eren’s plan of killing everyone else off, regardless of who they are, is a good one.

As is manipulating all of his friends into following it, telling them he hates them, fairly directly letting one of them know this is basically all her fault, and.

Look, I’m sorry, but what the fuck?

I mean.

Fuck, do I have to go full Madoka on main?

Here is a brief summary of the third Madoka Magica movie, for those who do not understand the reference: Person who has spent her entire life torturing herself to save one girl feels like she didn’t save the one girl hard enough, and compensates for this mental breakdown by turning into the literal Devil.

These are decisions that can be explained by trauma. The character in question has been through a lot, and arguing that she’s too emotionally stable to undo the universe is harder to do than it feels like it should be.

She still takes the established order of the series and 90% of the movie and drops it in the shredder, leaving the characters who are around and aware of this move to stare, aghast, as the new world order is established.

To catch up the uninitiated, when the new world order is established in the series, it’s a happy ending that ties up all the struggles everyone has been through. Not necessarily neatly, but they’re honored, and the cast continues on.

The new world order of the movie is one character screaming “NO” in various cries for help as she pounds her heart into the pavement and the pavement is everyone else’s quality of life.

Anyway, the current reason everyone on the planet hates Paradis enough to attack it is because Eren publicly murdered civilians at a festival with international significance, including the one Eldian in the world with good publicity.

Things weren’t pretty for anyone, but Eren snatches the ball out of the court and throws it into the backyard with vicious guard dogs. He decides to bring everyone into a war, and he decides the initial terms. He makes a violent declaration, and ever since, the story has been devoted to people catching up to him to ask what the fuck his problem is.

As opposed to the usual routine of catching up to him to steal him back from whoever’s kidnapping him that week.

Eren’s the direct cause of this mess.

Fucking Marley doesn’t help, what with their hundred years of brainwashing and titanizing to actively keep the hate of Paradis alive -- but Eren’s the one who turns it into an issue of national immediacy when everyone around him is trying to find more time.

All the while going, “look what you made me do”

Right.

Where it breaks down for me isn’t that it makes no sense for Eren to have fallen this far. This entire series has been destroying him one piece at a time, and I do feel like you could have a very powerful conclusion with Humanity’s Hope turning to Humanity’s Despair, and the people he once inspired having to bear the torch themselves instead of forcing one person to carry their entire future.

Hell, that could still happen. I would still love an ending where Mikasa wraps the scarf around Eren, and he’s finally saved from himself.

What’s aggravating is that as many ominous hints as we’ve gotten about Eren’s monstrous nature throughout the series, there’s just as much material of him loving his friends, and wanting them to be free and happy, and understanding that walls aren’t the only prison.

Angry Eren the Rage Boy is there. He’s even easy to understand, sometimes. OG Ymir’s history inspires a desire for death and destruction. It would be and is wrong, but the impulse isn’t difficult to parse.

He’s more than that. He stays up all night listening to Hange’s theories. Armin’s dreams of the sea catches his mind like wildfire. Fighting Annie even after she’s revealed to be someone who’s ruthlessly murdered his comrades is painful. He wants to believe Reiner and Bertolt are innocent even when they’re making the worst show of hiding it. He smiles every time he sees his friends genuinely happy.

Eren’s rage has always been a direct response to his views of the world. The slavers are monsters. He has no problem killing them. Titans are monsters. He wants them dead. He runs off in Trost and gets his leg chomped off because he’s so upset that a bit character we barely spend time with is being eaten.

“When we’re born... all of us... are free. People who reject that, no matter how strong they are... don’t matter.”

Since leaving his friends in Marley, Eren has rejected the freedom of every single one of them. He doesn’t tell them what he’s up to, but expects them to have his back. He pushes events into motion that nearly lead to all their deaths. He actively lies to Mikasa about how her brain functions. He tells Historia to get on board or have her memory wiped.

The rage and agony and helplessness Eren feels isn’t particularly strange, in my mind. He hasn’t coped with any of the manga’s arcs well, and the few victories he’s been part of have landed him in worse and worse places, emotionally.

The conclusions he’s reaching don’t work.

It isn’t that strange for people to not realize that they’re contradicting themselves, especially when they’re in this frame of mind, but Eren loves his damn friends.

Meanwhile, he’d find it easier to take if Mikasa were attached to him because her bloodline made her do it, but that’s.

Actually, no, that’s relevant.

Eren suggests plot magic chemistry before he considers that Mikasa actually loves him.

He’s a dying man.

He’s condemned himself already. It doesn’t matter what he does, as long as his friends are alive. Anything else -- everything else is secondary. They’ll be alive, and he’ll be dead, and it’s as simple as that.

But it isn’t like he doesn’t know right from wrong. This might be a wrong he can accept on his deathbed, but it’s undeniably wrong.

How horrific is it that people might be so attached to him that he can do all this, and they’ll still fight for him instead of putting him down like the monster he is?

Eren struggles with greys. If he’s willing to be the bad guy, it makes sense for him to commit. He’s rejecting freedom, so by his own rules, he doesn’t matter.

It would be so much easier for him if everyone else agreed on that point.

He seems to be doing what he can to make that happen.

...But that’s just whimsical speculation born of profound pity more than anything. I still have trouble figuring out what his deal is. He’s eviscerating his friends in the name of them surviving, but he still terms his want as them having “long, happy lives.” While actively interfering with both those aims.

This chapter doesn’t seem to leave much room for a secret other plan that Eren is secretly putting into action. That’s been my hope from the beginning, and pretty much every bit of my confusion here is why. The majority of the conflict here comes from Eren deliberately fucking things up. It’s like he accidentally poisoned a bunch of people by using the wrong chemicals to clean up the dead body of the person he killed who totally deserved it, and figured the best following response was to repeat the process.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that the Eren we’re starting to see looks broken beyond all repair, and we’re missing the breaking point. We can puzzle out possibilities and trauma, but at the end of the day he has chosen such a destructive route that it needs more justification within the story.

Personally, I think that this Eren is buying into his own bad press so completely that he’s stopped giving himself freedom. That is my most established take.

The fact that that read play in nicely with Mikasa wrapping the scarf around him and taking him home has very little to do with that except that’s where my brain spends most of its time now, I guess.

AND NOW WE’RE BACK TO HISTORIA BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I EVER GET TO HAVE A SINGLE MOMENT OF PEACE.

Hell.

I am tired of going over all the ways in which this does not make sense. I am, perhaps, equally tired of how every single time the pregnancy subplot comes up, it manages to get worse.

‘what oh noooo she’s being used to breed an army of royal babies who will eat their mother’ ‘wait nooo she manipulated a guilty childhood bully into fucking her so zeke could live for some strange reason’ ‘oh nooooooooes it turns out she actually goes and fucks npc farmer guy because zeke needs to live for eren to commit genocide and if she doesn’t let eren commit genocide that’s bad for some reason even if she was just saying it’s actually bad for him to commit genocide’

????

Additionally, I realize this chapter has probably reinvigorated people’s theories that Eren is the father, which. um. continues the trend of being worse, because then you have Historia feeling like she’s backed into a corner where fucking the guy who’s about to commit genocide is her only option because if she can’t come up with some good excuse to not eat Zeke he’s going to wipe her memories.

(ETA: Hours later, I sit here remembering he can’t actually wipe her memories until after Zeke shows up. Oops. ...That somehow manages to make all of this make less sense.)

I deeply do not want to discuss that element.

I’m just bringing it up to establish that every way you spin Historia’s situation is fifty shades of rape, and it’s skeevy as fuck along with making no sense.

Glad to know that in two years, literally nothing has come along to make this better or more logical.

That’s vaguely true because it lends more credence to the idea that it’s all a lie, but at this point, the writing is breaking its own back bending over to try and make this work.

“If there is a most reliable way to make sure that this island lives on... I’ll go along with it. There was no other way... But... you defended me back then... everyone acted for my sake... That’s enough for me.”

I’m going to try to explain my problem with this without screaming.

I’m probably going to fail.

The thing is, Historia’s entire arc is about fighting fate.

Her entire arc is about undoing the cycle of abuse her family has perpetuated, breaking free of it to reclaim her identity as a person and forge a better future for the world.

She almost kills Eren for her father’s approval.

When she doesn’t, her commentary isn’t that it’s wrong, or ineffective (though she’s aware of both these elements).

She makes her case very succinctly.

“God?! What a load of bull!! You’re just saying whatever you can think of to manipulate me and save yourself!! That’s it, I’ve had enough! I won’t let you kill me!!”

Replace “save yourself” with something related to Eren, and we have the exact same plot beat we already had, for a character who’s already gone through it.

Historia’s lack of agency would be bad enough on its own.

The entire focus of the pregnancy subplot has been that it causes Eren angst.

We have not gotten Historia’s thought bubbles.

We have received her verbal compliance.

We have had her misery over her situation on display.

This is something for Eren to feel guilty and angry over, not something for Historia to interact with.

On its own, that’s bad.

When you have it attached to a character whose entire arc is about breaking damaging cycles and living a life designed by her own choices instead of following orders and roles, you have a problem.

Historia never tries to resist this fate. Not that we’re shown. She’s clearly terrified, even in the scene where she staidly offers acceptance, but Eren is the one to speak up. She’s miserable whenever we see her pregnant, but every scene with her involves her sadly going along with this thing she clearly does not want. Even when she asks Eren what he thinks about her having a child, she’s unhappy.

This is the first time she’s gotten dialogue of her own in two years.

The first little bit is her shrugging at her inevitable suffering.

The second bit is being appalled at Eren’s everything.

Then somehow we land at her proposing her inevitable suffering.

Which...

How does that help??? Anything???

My answer to that is that I’m Team Fake Pregnancy, and Historia is proposing a hypothetical thing where she ponders how her having a child would play out, but I’m sorry, what?

Eren’s upset about you losing your bodily autonomy.

Among other things, yes, but having a child you’re not enthusiastic about is the entire fucking ignition point of this fucking fuckening idiocy how is it that NEITHER OF YOU ARE IN POSSESSION OF YOUR SOLITARY BRAIN CELL WHAT IN THE F U C K.

Even if you read it as Historia not having a child with the intent of future cannibalism, but simply having a child to get out of eating Zeke --

Holy fuck is that not better.

It’s still her feeling forced to have a kid because the alternative is lots of people dying.

She’s nineteen.

At the very fucking least this could have the decency to be her story, not a story built around making the main male lead angst enough to commit genocide. At the time of this writing, we are denied that, and while I don’t think this is totally beyond saving, the story the narrative is selling is inexcusable and insulting. The only room for improvement is if we’re actively being misled.

Which is a valid theory, but that doesn’t change my disgust at what we’re being told to believe.

Having Historia simply accept her fate is a sledgehammer to Historia’s entire character development, and Historia’s character development is a microcosm of the guiding themes of the main story. You can’t dethrone her without the manga’s entire thematic significance ringing false.

Also, while I’m here, Eren’s being a fucking prick.

In case that was somehow missed.

'hi historia friendly reminder that i’m only here to commit genocide because you saved my life because like you said you’re the worst’ ‘lol remember that time you said the titans should just kill everyone and i teased you and you said you were caught up in the heat of the moment well guess what i listened to you and everyone’s gonna die thx for the protips’

Anyway.

This is either really good or really bad.

Because Historia does some very stupid things. That is not a writing flaw, it’s a character flaw and feature. She’s impulsive and dumb and realizes things conflict with her principles nine steps into committing criminally negligent homicide, and if that’s how this is all justified...

Hell, I guess I’ll just be tired. Which I already am, so that’s. fine.

It’s funny. This is one of the times I could have gotten away with writing barely anything, since half the chapter is just trailer shots for Eren’s monster movie. Yet here we are, many words in.

I’ve thought a lot today on if I should keep reading or not. One of the things that got under my skin is that I’ve spent a long time coming up with ways for this all to turn out okay. I complain a lot, and certainly lose my temper, but I like to think I stick around because however bad this gets, I have faith that the story’s thesis is that beauty wins against cruelty.

If that’s the case, I want to be here to see it through. I want that high of things being okay when all signs point to nothing ever being okay again.

But it’s been a long day, and I’ve spent two years split between anger and hope that I’m not sure if I feel because I trust the story or if it’s become a habit I’m afraid to break.

Or if it’s because if I did give up, I’d feel insanely guilty for any of the times I’ve tried cheering people up over the bleak things going on in the manga.

I want this to be a happier story than anyone I know thinks it will turn out. I’m an optimist to a degree that people tolerate, but don’t find particularly realistic when gauged against the content.

The main character is on a genocidal march in the name of friends he has broken and betrayed. Friends who can still barely vocalize the option of putting him down.

I don’t know if I want to be here for this.

I don’t think I need to watch more cruelty unfold, no matter how much beauty survives it.

#Shingeki no Kyojin #SnK 130 #Eren Yeager #Historia Reiss #shingeki no no #shingeki no spoilers #SnK spoilers #spoilers #tl;dr #chapter post

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hedwigstalons · 4 years ago

Text

High Expectations - Ch22

Next instalment of the military boys for you with WASP!Gordon and Air Force!Scott. Lots of love and thanks to @willow-salix for putting up with my musings, moaning and general self doubt.

Earlier parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One

AO3 chapter link

Chapter Twenty-Two

The bar was dark and packed to bursting point. Gordon nursed a juice while keeping half an eye on the door for Scott. It was probably just as well that the army had been allocated a different bar he reflected, he wasn’t sure many more bodies could safely squeeze into the already crowded space. The US Army, buoyed by being on home turf, had scraped a narrow victory in the competition and the walk from the barracks had been accompanied by the sounds of celebration from across the base as the resident personnel decided to toast the victors. In light of this the event organisers had decided it was perhaps wise to keep the visitors separate from their hosts, a winning team could get a little over enthusiastic in their celebrations, especially with an entire base full of compatriots on hand to buy them drinks. It meant that the designated non-Army bar was crowded but at least Gordon knew he and Scott would definitely end up at the same place.

Ordinarily he would be in the thick of the action after an event. Before, the short time between the end of a competition and heading home had been one of the few points in his life when he was free of responsibilities and obligations and he usually took full advantage of the freedom. His misspent youth could be carefully plotted out on a calendar in regimented bursts around his swimming commitments before the daily realities of training, school and looking after Alan kicked back in.

Tonight he wasn’t in the mood for indulging in a few hours of hedonism, especially after Scott’s prior warnings about underage drinking and military police not making for a happy combination; it wasn’t worth risking his fledgling career for. The more physical pleasures that often followed a competition were also off the cards in a shared dormitory of strangers. Most of those present though didn’t fall under the state’s age restriction and the alcohol was flowing freely. A glass thudded down on the table in front of him, slopping some of the contents onto the already sticky table.

“Get that down you, Tracy. You earned it.” The sound drew his eyes away from the door and back to the table of WASPs around him. He hoped Scott would turn up soon, after the swimming was over he’d managed to avoid the cretins he’d had the misfortune of being thrown into the pool with but with everyone confined to one place there was no escape. Not all of WASP fell into the obnoxious category but there were a few individuals that he was quite glad he’d be unlikely to cross paths with ever again.

“I’m good, thanks.” He nodded towards his own glass, still half full of apple juice.

“Ah, c’mon, you’re off duty.” An uncoordinated hand slapped him on the shoulder, jolting him forwards with the force of it. WASP might not have won the competition but they hadn’t done badly and a sizable chunk of the points had come from Gordon’s success in the pool. Points that were being celebrated with a few too many beers and a fair quantity of hard liquor. “Lighten up a little.”

The glass was shoved closer, nearly falling off the edge of the table into his lap. He wasn’t too sure what was in it but it sure as hell wasn’t apple juice; from some of the sniggerings and mutterings and looking at who had supplied the drink he strongly suspected the glass contained a lethal mix for the sole purpose of getting him blind drunk.

“He said he’s fine.” A hand reached down and covered the glass, dragging it away towards the middle of the table with a scraping sound.

Gordon looked up, then up further. Scott towered over the table, exuding an air of command even during his down time. Blue eyes were set into what Gordon clearly recognised as protective mode, his mouth thin and his jaw clenched, daring those at the table to challenge him. Grateful though he was to have his brother finally show up he really didn’t need Scott to antagonise the rest of his team over one drink that he’d had no intention of touching anyway.

“Sorry folks, family reunion time. I’m sure one of you can put that drink to good use,” he flashed a placating grin as he quickly stood up and stepped away from the table, drawing Scott away before tempers could flare. Those that hadn’t been at the pool were looking a little bemused at Scott’s sudden arrival and departure which must have come across as fairly rude but Gordon could already feel the tension from the swimmers who had butted heads with his brother before and he was keen to avoid an argument. “Do you have to rub everyone up the wrong way?” he asked when they were finally clear of the WASP delegation.

“They’re idiots, and drunk ones at that.” Scott was in no mood to suffer fools, he’d had enough of that already for one day.

“I know, but you’re late and I didn’t really have anywhere else to wait. And they aren’t all idiots, there’s just a few bad apples on the team.”

“If you say so. What the hell was in that drink anyway?”

“No idea, but I had no intention of finding out. I could have handled that by myself you know.”

“Sorry, I should have trusted you.” Scott at least had the decency to look a little shame faced, sometimes it was hard to remember that Gordon was no longer a kid and was capable of making his own decisions, usually the right ones. “I just know what it can be like, the military can be a bit heavy handed with the drink when it’s in the mood. Speaking of which, do you mind if I grab a beer?”

“Go for it,” Gordon shrugged, just because he was sticking to juice didn’t mean his brother had to.

Scott gave a grateful nod and worked his way towards the bar, his movements still stiff and tense. He ordered a beer and knocked the whole lot back in record time before leaving the empty bottle on the counter top.

“Jeez Scott, is everything okay?” The ferociousness with which Scott attacked the drink had surprised Gordon and he sensed that Scott’s mood wasn’t just down to his encounter with the WASP team. The man before him certainly wasn’t the carefree brother he’d enjoyed sparring against just a few hours earlier.

“I’m fine. Can we get out of here?” the tone suggested Scott was anything but fine.

“Sure,” he nodded, following on in Scott’s wake as they made their way to the exit. Once they reached the cool night air Gordon tried again, it was clear from Scott’s bearing that something was bothering him. “Now are you going to tell me why you’re storming round like a thunder cloud?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Bullshit, Scott. You show up late looking like you’re spoiling for a fight then knock back a drink at mach 3. You either tell me what’s going on or I’ll set Virgil on you.”

Scott grimaced but he could tell from Gordon’s expression that he was deadly serious. At least Gordon was likely to have some understanding and sympathy whereas with Virgil he risked being subjected to an anti-military guilt trip and he definitely wasn’t in the mood for that. Normally his immediate younger sibling would be his sounding board but on this their opposing views were likely to be a stumbling block, no matter how well intentioned his brother's counsel might be.

“Not here,” the area immediately outside the bar was busy with people taking a break from the heat and crowds inside and there were a few too many Air Force personnel around for his liking, “let’s take a walk.”

They headed off into the darkness, their subconscious steps leading them by mutual consent towards the nearby athletics track. The bleachers were empty in stark contrast to the crowds of the previous day and the whole area was shadowy with just a few security lights illuminating the gates. They settled onto the hard planks and took a few moments to just sit quietly in the darkness.

It was Gordon who cracked first, the slumped shoulders and stony expression worn by his brother were still a cause for concern. Scott looked tired and not just in the purely physical sense.

“So spill, how come you were so late tonight?”

“Just had to deal with some stuff from my CO.”

“Still not gelling with the new guy?” He had been treated to a few choice words in the past about Scott’s thoughts on his Commander and they were far from complimentary.

“Not that new anymore. But no, he still doesn’t trust me to lead my unit and questions my every decision. I guess the feeling’s mutual though.”

“How so?”

“His orders are...urgh.” He dropped his head into his hands for a moment, his fingers carding through his hair in agitation, before straightening and gazing unseeingly over the empty track. “My last mission, it was a complete disaster. Pretty much everything I predicted would happen, did, but when I tried to talk to him about it before we flew out I just got shot down,” there was a heavy pause, “just like two of my unit,” Scott muttered darkly.

“Ouch,” Gordon winced. “I didn’t hear about that; must have been reported while I was on the subs, it can be hard to keep up with the news down there.”

“It wasn’t reported. The whole mission was top secret, even the guys’ families think they were on some training exercise that went wrong. Look, I really shouldn’t be telling you any of this.” He turned towards Gordon and even in the darkness the silent plea could be seen.

“Understood,” Gordon tried to reassure him. He knew there would probably be times in the future when he needed to speak to someone outside of the service despite it being against orders and if you couldn’t trust family, who could you trust? “Whatever you say goes no further.” This moment was between him and Scott, one serving brother to another, and he could feel his shift in status from dependent child to equal.

“Thanks.” The quiet nod that accompanied it conveyed a depth of feeling that showed just how much Scott was dealing with. “You always hear rumours about the secret stuff and you think it’s going to be all exciting, but the reality is...it’s bad. This isn’t what I joined up for. The guys from my unit weren’t the only casualties either, there were civilians in the area, innocent people who had no choice in all this. Collateral damage is how my CO referred to them, callous bastard.”

It was the first time Scott had spoken to anyone outside of his immediate unit about the mission and the relief at being able to criticise the orders without reprimand was palpable. He’d been on the other side of this conversation a couple of times as some of the men and women who served under him had felt the need to talk but he’d always been the listening ear and had always been required to respond on party lines, that the sacrifices were worth it for the bigger picture, despite his desire to scream that he’d thought it was a fool's errand and that he hadn’t wanted to lead them into danger. But none of them had been given a choice, it was a case of fly or be court martialed. Now, with the lives of those who trusted him on his conscience, he wondered if court martial would have been the better option.

Gordon sat in silence, realising that what his brother really needed was someone to just listen as he worked through his own thoughts. His own meagre service history, still in the early stages, had him completely devoid of experience in the field of combat and the moral minefield it could evidently come with. In the deep shadows of the stands Gordon could almost feel the ghosts that haunted his brother's memories, turning the figure that was normally a poster boy for patriotism into a hunched and brooding shell that looked far older than his twenty-six years.

As if sensing the scrutiny his brother was subjecting him to Scott mentally shook himself and straightened. The doubts and worries were locked away again as he visibly morphed back into older brother mode; strong, dependable and emitting a feeling of self-assurance. He might have let his guard slip for a moment but he had worn the mantle as head of the pack for too many years to be comfortable showing such vulnerability for long. He was already doubting the wisdom of telling anyone about his problems but the call from his CO earlier in the evening had left him angry which always clouded his judgement. Venting had helped a bit and he was grateful that Gordon had been there, listening without judgement in a way that their father or Virgil never could.

“So what’s this posting of yours?” He asked, flipping the focus back to Gordon. “You said in the ring you wouldn’t have any time for training.”

It was a clear sign that any conversation about the Air Force and Scott’s thoughts towards it was over. The walls were back up and Gordon knew that, despite that momentary show of vulnerability, any further probing wouldn’t be welcomed. It was troubling just how much Scott was affected, biggest brother had always been so confident, but tonight Gordon had seen a side he’d never been privy to before and he wondered how many other times Scott had worn the mask to protect the rest of them from his doubts.

Much as he wanted to help Scott he really didn’t know how and he still had his own problems to unpick. Now it was his turn to be in the spotlight.

“No, I think my sporting activities are going to be on hold for a while. Um, I’m being given command of a craft.”

“You’re getting a Merlin? You really must have impressed them during the training to get your own sub so quickly.” Scott couldn’t help but feel a flush of pride at Gordon getting that level of recognition so early on in his career. Really Gordon should have been bouncing at the news so to see him so flat and brooding was a worry and he wondered what the problem was. “You had to know it was coming at some point, commanding a unit is kinda the deal with being an officer.”

“S’not a Merlin, it’s a bathyscape. I go in a little under a month.”

“A bathyscape? I didn’t even know WASP had those.”

“Yeah, it’s a research posting; unlike the Air Force, WASP isn’t all about combat missions y’know. I’ll be out there for a whole year, looking at underwater farming methods.”

Scott whistled, as first assignments went it was a big one but perhaps not in the direction Gordon had been hoping to take; his brother has made no secret of wanting to get a place on the sleek and fast Stingray, the whole point of volunteering for the Merlins was as a stepping stone to this, and a research bathyscape was the polar opposite. “That’s a long time, is that what the problem is? At least you know your way around a farm, or was a sea tractor not quite what you had in mind as your first mission command? You don’t sound too excited about it all.”

“It’s not a sea tractor,” Gordon snorted at Scott’s abysmal attempt to lighten the mood. “I know underwater farming might not be everyone’s bag but I’ve been really enjoying the oceanography and marine biology parts of my training. I think that’s partly what got me picked for it. A whole year is a bit longer than I was expecting but this is a big deal. This project could really make a difference and I’ll be leading a sizabe team so it’s an honour to be chosen.”

“I sense a ‘but’ coming on.” Despite everything he was saying there was a distinct lack of excitement from the aquanaut.

“It’s the whole research element. The project is joint with CalTech and I’ll be sending our findings on to their marine biology team.”

“What difference does that make?”

Gordon tried to meet Scott's eyes but couldn't, nervous about whatever reaction he might get to the news he hadn't yet been brave enough to voice. Compared to the issues Scott was facing this seemed minor in comparison but it was still giving him sleepless nights. His stomach churned, the butterflies inside him evidently practicing backflips or something. He hadn't told anyone about this, not even Virgil, but he trusted Scott to give an objective opinion and be honest with him.

“Well, most officers have been to university. It turns out that they like those of us who haven’t to get qualified on the job. Part of the deal with CalTech is that the research papers can count as course credit. If I study for a few extra units while I’m down there then by the end of the year I could earn a higher ed diploma.”

“That’s great news.”

“Is it? My CO is talking like it’s a done deal but I’m really not sure.”

“What’s not to be sure about?”

“This is me, Scott. The family screw up. Part of the reason I’m even in WASP is cos you finally got Dad to see sense that I wasn’t cut out for College.”

“You are not a screw up!” Scott exclaimed, cross that even now their father’s past needling about Gordon’s academic abilities was still able to drag his brother down; sure he wasn’t in the same league as John but then very few people were and it didn’t mean he wasn’t bright in his own right. “Now you listen up. I didn’t go against Dad cos I didn’t think you could hack college, I did it because I could see you’d make a damn good aquanaut. You’re made for the submarine service but that doesn’t mean you’re incapable of anything else.”

“But studying at undergrad level, it’s going to be a lot of work.”

“Gordon, you work harder than pretty much anyone else I know. You certainly worked harder at school than the rest of us,” he took in the raised eyebrows that framed a look of pure skepticism. “I mean it. You might not have got top grades but your marks were still good even though some of the subjects didn’t come naturally and you did all that around your swimming and Alan.”

Gordon scuffed at the planks, his fingers absentmindedly attacking a stray splinter in the wood as the empty seat on his far side suddenly became very interesting. Scott seemed to believe in him but he just couldn’t summon up that same faith in himself. “But what if I fail? I don’t think I can do it.”

There, he’d said it. Ever since he’d been called in by his commanding officer and given the details of the posting the study element had been dragging him down like a millstone. He’d realised pretty early on, even during selection, that he was the odd one out, underqualified compared to most officers. What he hadn’t realised was that WASP would not only support him to gain a degree but it was assumed that he would be taking on this learning as a matter of course. From that moment on the gnawing dread had been eating away at him. He enjoyed the study topics and he’d proved himself worthy of the command element of the posting but instead of looking forward to the opportunity all he could think about was the impending failure because he couldn’t foresee any other outcome.

“Look at me, Gords. You aren’t going to fail. It’s a diploma of higher ed, right?” Gordon gave a slight nod of confirmation. “That means it’s first year stuff and I know that when it comes to the ocean you’ve got that more than covered. What you’re going to be missing is the general skills and for those you can always ask the rest of us for help. John has written more scientific papers than is healthy, Virgil can generally spot any flaws in logic even if it’s not his subject and I’ve done so much Harvard referencing I could probably do it in my sleep.”

“Harvard? But you went to Yale.”

“Harvard referencing is how you say what books and papers you used to write your assignments.”

“See, this is what I’m talking about,” Gordon groaned, kicking out at the bench in front, “I don’t know any of this stuff.”

“It’s alright,” Scott slung an arm round Gordon’s shoulder, wishing there was some magic pill he could give his brother to dispel the self doubt. Gone was the confident aquanaut, even the thought of returning to study had Gordon regressing to the kid who worried each term if his report card would meet the lofty ideals of the father who demanded so much. “No one knows this stuff at the beginning and there is no shame in that. Normally you would get a load of seminars at the start of your course but that’s going to be a bit tricky if you’re underwater. I don’t know how it will work with you doing it through WASP but CalTech should give you some support and if they don’t then you’ve got three older brothers who have all been there. One of us will always be available to talk you through it, not that I think you’ll need any help.”

“You really think I can do this?” He pulled out of the hug and stared at his brother as though trying to gauge his honesty. The way Scott was talking he made it sound so simple.

“I’m sure you can. But if you get stuck with anything don’t brood on it, just ask.”

“Yeah, I can really see that one going down well.” Gordon rolled his eyes, remembering the last time he’d attempted to ask for homework help. “John already thinks I’m an idiot.”

“No one thinks you’re an idiot, Gords. I know John can be a bit...acerbic at times but he’s mellowed since he left Harvard.” Scott made a mental note to have a quiet word with the would-be astronaut; for most things the word ‘can’t’ was just a challenge to Gordon, something to be proved wrong, but when it came to anything academic Gordon was evidently still plagued by crushing self-doubt. The last thing he needed was for a disparaging comment from the family genius to send Gordon spiralling. It was true John had been a lot more approachable since starting at Tracy College, living with Virgil and having Alan as a frequent visitor seemed to be grounding him more in family life, but he could still be a bit abrupt if you caught him at the wrong moment.

“If I do this can you promise me one thing?”

“What’s that?”

“Please don’t tell Dad, I really don’t need him breathing down my neck about grades.”

“Promise. Dad won’t hear a word about it until you’ve got that certificate in your hand.”

The sigh of relief was audible in the still night air as Gordon released some of the tension that had been knotting his insides. Sat there with Scott, being given assurances that his brothers would be on hand if he needed them, he felt a lot more confident about the whole thing.

#thunderbirds #thunderbirds fanfiction #high expectations #military brothers #self doubt #talking and listening #Scott Tracy #Gordon Tracy

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pogaytosalad · 4 years ago

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Heres a wip of a sequel.

Dmviolence, by jade

Hello, if youre hearing this, it probably means im dead. Either that, or im alive and just got tired of keeping this hidden. You might remember my voice from a previous recording about a takeover in sector ⬽:➻, in which id helped prevent total annihilation of the sector. At the time i was unnamed, however now you may call me Kalton. After the takeover i resigned and moved to a job at a dmv. This planet was, for some reason, in one of the most tactically advantageous locations in the galaxy. And for some reason the higher ups dedicated the whole damn planet to dmvs. Dont ask why. Now, onto the story.

I woke up, and i put on my emerald green contact lenses. Just like any other day. I put on a basic white t-shirt and a leather bomber jacket along with a pair of jean shorts. If you cant tell by now, im gay.

I live in a small apartment. By small apartment i mean a bedroom, a bathroom and a kitchen all crammed into 2 rooms. I hopped out the bedroom window onto my motorcycle. It was a diamond white motorcycle with deep red stripes along the sides and the handlebars. My pride and joy. I put on my jet black helmet and took off towards my job at the, you guessed it, dmv.

Chapter 2

I pulled up in the parking lot and took off my helmet, my blue hair a total rats nest. The doors were push doors, yet i somehow ALWAYS pulled first. I entered the dmv and went to my station. A few hours passed by and no one had come in yet, which was unusual. So naturally i decided to sit down on the floor, put in my earbuds, and enjoyed some heavy metal. A few more hours passed by, and usually by now i wouldve been yelled at by my boss. This struck me as odd so i stood up. I really wish i hadnt stood up. The place had been completely destroyed. There were drop pods crashed in through the roof and they all had the ERGON logo on them. Ergon was a multi trillion dollar pencil manufacturing company with its own military. They had previously tried to take over sector ⬽:➻ when i had been working there. I was not looking forwards to what was about to happen.

Quickly, i ducked back onto the floor before anyone saw me. There were 4 riot soldiers holding this building. This was gonna be fun. The riot soldiers are your stereotypical riot gear and police baton soldiers. But these guys had laser batons and the riot gear gave them heightened strength and speed. They also had some, dare I say, shitty energy pistols. I crawled over to one of the soldiers who wasnt being watched and broke their neck. Carefully I took the baton and the pistol. Slowly crawled my way back to my station and checked the shot count in the pistol. I had 6 shots, just enough to take care of the remaining three soldiers. I stood up quickly and shot each soldier twice in the head. First shot to open the riot helmet, second shot to kill. I vaulted over the counter and grabbed the three pistols. These things were so stupid. You couldnt even remove the clips. Once you ran out of shots, the pistol was useless. Nonetheless, i didnt have any choice. I had a laser baton and 18 total shots in 3 pistols.

Upon leaving the building, my motorcycle was one of the few things to survive. It had alot of scratches and damage, but it still worked. The helmet was shattered however. I mounted the motorcycle and took off towards the next closest dmv. Maybe id find some better gear there.

Chapter 3

Pulling up next to the second dmv i immediately noticed 3 things. 1: there was blood everywhere. 2: there were 25 soldiers here. And 3: they all had energy weapons. The reason these things are relevant is because energy weapons dont cause bloodshed. This was the result of something else. Something new i hadnt dealt with yet.

I drove up and ran over 5 of the soldiers. This was probably an incredibly bad idea, seeing as i had 18 shots, enough for 9 kills, and there were 20 soldiers left. Every single soldier turned to me and i, being the absolute genius that i am, welded the front of one of the pistols shut with the laser baton, shot it off, and threw it into thei crowd of soldiers. It exploded, releasing a shockwave of energy and disabling the soldiers. I then used the baton to cut through the riot gear and kill the soldiers. I felt like a badass. That is until a mechanical looking wolf jumped at me and started trying to rip my face off.

The wolf was a frostwolf, except it had been placed into a mechanical frame and its teeth and claws had been replaced with lasers. I tried to bash it off of me with the baton but it just bit it in two. This gave me just enough time to grab an energy pistol and shoot the wolf. It kept trying to kill me amd i wasted a whole clip on it until suddenly, the dog started to levitate in the air and got thrown aside into a wall. I got up and was instantly frozen in place. Thats when.. she walked up.

Chapter 4

The she i am reffering to is ebony. A goth/punk wannabe with light blue tear shaped eyes and black hair with purple streaks. Shes a bitch whos mind got too powerful and now she can move things without touching them. Shes been chasing me for months. Not in a murderous way. Shes just obsessed with me. Ive tried to tell her im gay but she wont listen. And now im at her mercy.

She walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek. I hated it. She looked as if she was contemplating whether or not to free me when a pod came down from the sky and crushed her. Thank god. But i honestly wouldve rathered suffered at her hand than deal with what i had to deal with next...

Out of the pod came the warden. The goddamn warden from sector ⬽:➻. Last id seen him hed been in the same situation as ebony. Crushed to death under a pod. But this time, instead of being on my side, he was here to kill me. He was huge. Like seriously huge. He was at least 8 feet tall and shaped like gaston. Whos gaston? Nobody knows these days. But its basically a way to say "extremely buff and wide". Back to the story. The warden wasnt looking very good, considering the rotten skin, obviously quickly patched together face, and muscles hanging loose out of his skin. His rotting ruined body was held together by an exoskeleton of chromium-tungsten alloy. Nothing i had was gonna cut through that. I was gonna have to get creative here..

The warden had 2 weapons, both of them were his fists. Huge gauntlets that were each about the size of a cow. Definitely bigger than his previous set. They were a golden green metal i couldnt identify. But i didnt want to get hit with one to try and find out. I ran. I ran as fast i could run into the dmv and hid. I could hear the wardens footsteps. It was as if a small earthquake happened each time he took a step.

I peeked over the desk i was hiding behind and saw him punch through the 2 desks opposite to me. It took no effort and i couldve sworn i saw him smile. Obviously i didnt. Cause he didnt have a mouth anymore. But if he did, he definitely wouldve smiled. I took a shot to get his attention and ran off towards the wall. The warden was definitely faster than i expected.

Luckily i managed to dodge the blow by a centimeter. The metal smelled of decaying flesh and popcorn. The wardens blow punched a huge hole in the wall. I hope you see where im going with this.

I ran off to another wall and we repeated this same process a number of times until the building was barely still up. I ran out the doors and threw the baton at the last of the supports, cutting through it and causing the building to collapse in on the warden. He wasnt getting out of that. I decided to search the rubble to see if i could find anything worth taking. I found a new baton, a flame rifle and a few more energy pistols.

The flame rifle was a very interesting design. The sides were painted jet black with flame decals scattered about. You could feel the heat on the inside and it made the gun warm to the touch. Comfortable to hold. Other than that though, it looked like an old fashioned 8.59mm sniper rifle. It had 4 shots remaining, so id have to use it sparingly.

I grabbed some scrap materials out of the rubble to make a holster for it and put it on my back.

The energy pistols just dangled from a keychain. The baton was simply turned off and placed through a hole in the back pockets of my shorts. I ran to my motorcycle and drove off, i needed to find out more. I had questions, and i had a sneaking suspicion that i knew where to find the answers.

I drove off again, i was dirty and there was blood on me and my bike. I probably looked like a serial killer. But i knew that if anyone was still alive, itd be jayden. They were.. well. They were a vampire. They lived in a swampland area and wore sparkly rainbow shirts and a huge sunhat. The sunhat allowed them to go outside in the sun, and they only drank coconut water. They also had a crazy amount of weaponry and used to work at ergon, before being fired for stealing weaponry. By the way, if you havent noticed by now, im using they/them to refer to jayden. Jayden doesnt have a gender. Jayden.. is kind of my crush. It probably has something to do with the fact that theyre the only person on this planet who talks to me. Other than ebony.. but ebony is... not my type i guess. Anyways, back to jayden. Jayden was on the roof of their swamp shack drinking coconut water out of a wine glass. I yelled up at them and they fell off the roof onto my back. I guess i cushioned their fall. Jayden immediately said "What do you need dear" without waiting for me to stand up, and shattered the wine glass. I informed them of the situation and asked the questions i had. Things like "what are the ergon soldiers defences like on their ships" and "how did they reanimate the warden" they had answers.

Jayden told me about the new security measures that had been put in place since id last been on an ergon ship. There was now a code for each teleportation pod and the gaurds had doubled. As for the warden, it turns out jayden was actually the first test run in reanimation sciences, and couldnt answer me because they had been unconcious in a lab when the warden was reanimated. That explained the vampire undead thing. Jayden invited me into the shack where they pulled a nail out of the floorboards and it turned into a ramp to the basement. Down in the basement? Thats where jayden kept their weapons they stole. And boy oh boy were there some interesting ones.

One that immediately caught my attention was the big rocket launcher. It had 3 barrels and each was a different colour, indicating a different effect. One was red, one was yellow, and one was green. The red barrel fired a normal explosive rocket, the yellow barrel fired an electromagnetic pulse rocket, and the green barrel fired an acidic explosive. And the launcher shrunk down to the size of an energy pistol when a button was pressed. It gathered up dirt and dust and garbage around it from the back to quickly convert into ammo but the only downside is that it would be difficult to use more than once in an area.

Jayden picked out an old shotgun. At first i didnt understand why, but then they loaded the clip. The clip was a huge drum that loaded in the bottom of the barrel. The drum was see through and inside you could see sawblades lined up side by side. When they pumped the shotgun a blade got lifted into a slot between the 2 shotgun barrels and started glowing red. When the trigger was pulled, the blade spun at high speeds and fired out of the slot, spinning along the ground like a wheel. It could cut through anything a baton could cut through and seemed to almost follow its target. The gun itself looked like an DP-12, except behind the pump, a large clear drum full of sawblades was in place. The blade sat between the barrels in place of the iron sights and got heated up by an electrical circut.

I also took a laser sword instead of my baton, it was just like the one that [3825968] had, except this one was about an inch longer. The final weapon i took was an acid thrower. It was basically just a watergun with acid in it. Ive always been partial to acidic weapons. If youve heard my other story, youd know why..

Jayden also took a submachine gun that fired freezing rounds. The rounds were essentially glorified waterballoons with liquid nitrogen in them. Though the rounds were bullet sized, enough shots from it would certainly freeze you in place. The freeze gun was about the size of the average human head, and was painted navy blue with blue saphire stripes placed along it. We both left the shack, me with my sword and jayden with a wine glass. We were ready to kick ass and put a stop to this.

We left and immediately both got flung into some trees. Guess who it was. It was ebony. Her body had been found and reanimated. I was starting to see a pattern. And now we had to fight the telekinetic who could kill us with a wave of her hand.

She was levitating. Her eyes were glowing red and her hair was floating in the air. She had a smile of someone about to rip your arms off and beat you with them. I tried to take a shot at her but my hand got knocked aside by an invisible force. So i tried the next best thing. Seduction. Fake seduction. Hopefully the whole dying and coming back from the dead thing didnt make her stop being weirdly obsessed with me.

While i faked surrender and complimented ebony and attempted to seduce her, jayden took aim of their ice gun and shot a burst at ebonys right arm. The arm froze in place and shattered. Hopefully that would lower the strength of her telekinetic abilities. It did. But only by about half. Which meant jayden got thrown into the air as i tried to discreetly unholster my acid gun. It wasnt discreet enough and the gun was knocked from my hand.

The gun flew forwards and the impact of hitting the ground set it off for a second, just enough to spray an acidic burn through her arm. Incapacitating her. Jayden ended up sneaking up behind her and impaling her through the skull with the shattered end of their wine glass. Finally ebony was dead for good.

The acid gun was busted, so we had to leave it behind. We got onto my motorcycle and took off towards my apartment building. We would need food if we were going to be traveling. An apartment complex would probably be full of foods, and alot of dead people who wouldnt care if we took some stuff.

#writing #scifi #fantasy violence

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artificialqueens · 4 years ago

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Wasteland, Baby, Chapter 2 (Crygi, Nicky x Jaida) - Metaluna

Summary: With the end drawing near, tensions are high, emotions are aplenty. As everyone need someone to lean on, secrets come out. a TW for descriptions of child abuse, not super graphic but still there

A/N: Hi guys! I’m back with another chapter. I didn’t anticipate going this long without an update but I was super stuck (I wrote a whole ass four chapter fic between the last chapter and now) A big thanks to Bell for helping me by beta reading xoxo Enjoy!!

While preparing for the end of the world, Jackie learned a lot of skills she never thought she would. There was never a time in her life where she thought she would learn how to make a radiation monitor out of a coffee can. She had to admit, learning about nuclear half-lives was much more interesting than she thought.

The one thing Jackie was nervous about was learning how to shoot a gun. She was nervous, her hands shook as Crystal handed her what she thought was a rifle. Crystal informed her it was a 12 gauge shotgun. Thankfully, because the house was in the middle of the woods, they didn’t have to worry about stray bullets or the noise.

“Jackie, you need to calm down.”

“I’m trying!”

“You’re shaking! It’s not that bad, I learned to do this when I was like fourteen. You can do it.”

Crystal set up a mock shooting range in her backyard. She had rigged metal garbage can lids with spray painted targets haphazardly sprayed on into the trees. There was an old table with beer bottles spaced evenly apart on top. Jackie was impressed at the amount of time that Crystal put it all together.

“I’m a pacifist, Crystal.”

“You think I wanted to learn how to do all of this?”

Jackie fell silent. On the few occasions that Crystal did talk about all that she’d learned, she always looked unhappy. Jackie knew her best friend wasn’t happy with the direction her life took, and no matter how hard she tried to hide it, it showed.

Jackie took a deep breath in.

“Oh, no. You’re holding it all wrong. But that’s okay! Let me help you fix it!”

It was very clear that Crystal spent all day teaching children how to paint, and was probably damn good at it, if her ability to teach someone to fire a gun was at all similar to teaching a twelve year old how to paint a sunset. She explained to Jackie how to load the shotgun with the same tone that she probably used with her students.

“So first of all, even if it isn’t, always treat a gun like it’s loaded. It’s good practice, and sometimes you never know, you know?” She got behind Jackie to help her move her body into the correct position. “Move your left hand so it’s over the middle. Okay, great. Next go into firing position. Stand shoulder width apart. Good, good. Alright, so align your eye with the stock.”

“What the hell is the stock?”

“That’s the part… yeah, yeah, yeah. That part. Perfect. So okay yeah, align… Great. Put the butt closer to your shoulder.”

Jackie turned her head to look at Crystal.

“The butt. Of the gun. Okay good. Now. Flip the safety off. You’re gonna squeeze the trigger. Do it firmly like you’re shaking someone’s hand kinda. It’s going to hurt, I’m just warning you now. That’s the kickback. ”

Jackie shut her eyes and shot, and missed the target completely. The gunshot made her ears ring. Even though Crystal had warned her about recoil, she wasn’t prepared for feeling as though she was about to fall backwards. Thankfully, Crystal was behind her, holding her upright.

“Jackie, did you really just shut your eyes?”

“I’m sorry!”

“Here. Watch me do it.”

Jackie had never seen Crystal look so sure of anything in her entire life. She confidently took the gun and stood just the way she had shown. Without hesitation, she fired the gun and hit one of the beer bottles.

“Holy, shit Crystal! You did that!”

“And you can too.”

Even though she looked confident, Crystal had never been a confident markswoman. Whenever her and her aunt would go out back and practice, her aunt was always told how bad of a shot she was. As much as she hated to admit it, shooting a gun again felt nice.

“But did you see how I actually kept my eyes open?” Her tone was sarcastic.

“Shut up.” Jackie took the gun back.

“Also, to make sure the kickback isn’t as bad, make sure that you hold the gun tightly. You’ll still feel it but it won’t be as bad, and hopefully you won’t feel like you’re going to fall. I’ll still stand behind you just in case.”

Jackie exhaled as she took the shooting stance. She closed her left eye and looked ahead. She aimed, and squeezed the trigger. With a loud clang, the bullet hit the trash can lid. It wasn’t centered, but it was close.

“You did it!”

“I did it!”

“Now you can do it on your own. Try one of the bottles now.” Crystal stood to the side to watch Jackie’s technique.

After taking a deep breath, Jackie pulled the trigger, and barely grazed the neck of the bottle. Crystal encouraged her to try again. After another deep breath, she hit one of the beer bottles dead in the center, causing it to shatter.

Jackie was so excited seeing the bottle explode she started jumping up and down, forgetting she had a fully loaded weapon.

Crystal ducked. “Okay, so you really don’t want to do that with a loaded gun.”

“Sorry,” she mumbled, turning on the safety.

“You did it!”

“I did it!”

Jackie shot three more bottles, and managed to hit the garbage lid dead in the center. Her confidence raised considerably. Maybe, just maybe, she could survive the end of the world.

–

The environment of the shelter was unlike anything Gigi had ever experienced. Everything was ran militaristically, even though she was pretty sure that the military wasn’t involved. The amount of structure was almost jarring. One night, Gigi and her friends accidentally loitered a little too long after dinner and were promptly yelled at by a man who probably dropped out of the police academy.

Gigi was incredibly thankful for her friends. They spent almost every moment together. However, they agreed to give each other space for a few hours every day. If the president made good on his promise, they would be spending an entire year together. During this time, everyone used the lackluster Wi-Fi to talk to their families.

Everyone except for Gigi.

As it turned out, the shelter had side rooms that Gigi wasn’t aware of. They were small and soundproof, and meant specifically to have private conversations. Everyone else spent time in the rooms every day. When her friends spoke to their loved ones, Gigi went into the common room and watched the news.

“That man is not right in the head,” a woman with a strong Russian accent sitting on the couch adjacent to Gigi announced.

“No, he’s not.”

“People like him are why I left my country.”

Gigi didn’t respond, and instead focused her attention on the television. Politics were never something that Gigi followed. She voted every November, but the extent of her knowledge of current events was via Twitter. Anytime she learned something bad happening in the world, she felt panicked. Usually, she could shake the feeling, but with the amount of stress she was under, this time she couldn’t. She felt her chest tighten and could hear her heartbeat.

“Are you okay?” the woman asked.

Gigi shook her head and left. By the time that she made it back to her room, Gigi was mid panic attack. She hoped that by the time she got there, there wouldn’t be anyone in the room. Unfortunately for her, Jan was sitting on her bed singing to herself.

“Gigi? Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Can’t breathe.”

Jan wrapped Gigi into her arms. “Focus on your breathing. In and out.”

As Gigi tried to focus on her breathing as Jan stroked her hair.

“Thank you,” Gigi managed as she came down from her panic attack.

“Anytime. It’s a tough time and if I can ever help you, please come find me. I know what it’s like to have anxiety, and I don’t want you to go through this alone. Did anything trigger you?”

“The news.”

Gigi was genuinely surprised with how kind Jan was. She had known Gigi for just a few short days, and Jan treated her as if she’d known her for years. Her warmth was something that Gigi envied.

“Did you talk to your family today?”

“I got to talk to my mom a little bit today. It was…rough.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Gigi offered.

“It just really sucks that I can’t be with her right now.” Jan’s voice broke. “She couldn’t afford to stay at a shelter. I offered up my spot, but she wouldn’t let me. She doesn’t have enough to even reinforce her apartment. It’s literally just her and her cat. I can’t be with them. They’re my only family.”

“Shh, Jan. It’s okay.” Gigi tried to mimic the way Jan stroked her hair. Comforting people was something Gigi never excelled in. She never knew what to do when people cried. Usually she felt so uncomfortable she started involuntarily laughing. Thankfully, she held it together.

“Thanks Gigi. What about you? Have you talked to your family?”

Gigi was hoping she could avoid this question. “Uh… Not exactly?”

Before Jan could question any further, Nicky and Jaida entered the room.

“Time for dinner, bitches,” Jaida announced.

As she stood up, Gigi could feel Jan’s eyes on her. Gigi knew no matter how hard she tried to dodge questions about her family, it would come up eventually, especially if Gigi was to be spending the entire year with the same group of girls. The thought continued as Gigi tried to force down the driest spaghetti and meatballs she ever had the displeasure of eating.

Jan stared at the large countdown clock on the wall. “Twelve hours, ladies.”

Twelve hours. In just twelve hours, life as they knew it was going to cease to exist. Gigi felt as though her stomach dropped to her feet. Jan wasn’t the only one who noticed. Everyone’s conversations in the dining hall all came to a halt, as they all looked at the ominous red numbers. As everyone sat in silence, Gigi had never felt so connected to a room of strangers before. A few moments later, the Russian woman Gigi sat next to started talking. All of the inhabitants in the shelter took this as a cue that they could start talking, too.

The women engaged in lighthearted banter. Somehow they went from talking about favorite ice cream flavors, to zodiacs, to first pets. Eventually, the bell announcing the end of dinner rang.

“Not how I imagined the last supper going” Nicky joked.

Gigi didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. “It’s finally feeling real.”

Silently, the women made their way back to their room, and Jan promptly sat on the floor. One by one, the others joined her. Gigi was the last, sitting tentatively, trying to not think about how dirty the floor probably was. She reasoned with herself telling herself it had to be clean, since it was a newly built building.

“Circle time,” Jan announced with fake enthusiasm.

“I still can’t decide if I believe this is all a pissing contest between the president and Korea, or if I’m just trying to convince myself,” Jaida mused.

Nicky kissed her girl’s hand. “I hope it’s the pissing contest.“

Jan rubbed her hands together like a comic book villain. “Does anyone have any deep dirty secrets they want to convince?”

“Your first,” Gigi challenged.

“Okay. Sure. Well, when I got my first role, I didn’t get it based on talent alone. I fucked the casting director. No one knows that. Not even my best friend, Brita.”

“Damn, girl,” Jaida exclaimed. “I’m impressed.”

Jan flushed. “What about you?”

Jaida pursed her lips. “Nicky knows this. But, when I first moved to LA from Wisconsin, I was broke. Like, broke broke. Rent was due the next day, and I didn’t know what else to do. I walked past a stripclub and saw that there was an amateur night. That night I became Jaida Essence. I made enough to pay rent plus some.”

“Wow. I’m not surprised you made so much. You’re hot as fuck.”

“Thanks, G. It wasn’t just that one time. I did it enough that they eventually hired me. I quit about a month before I held your hair back at that party.”

“I’m in love with a strippa,” Nicky sang.

“Shut up!” Jaida playfully smacked her partner. “What do you have to say for yourself ma’am?”

“Mine sadly isn’t as shocking,” Nicky began. “When I was in university in France, I fucked my professor. It wasn’t for a grade or anything. She was just hot.”

The group laughed before Gigi asked, “What subject?”

“Ethics.”

“Oh, the irony,” Jaida said, rolling her eyes. “Gigi?”

Gigi thought about giving a disingenuous answer, but thought about how she couldn’t keep her secret forever. She sighed. “So, you know how I haven’t talked to any family since we’ve been here? Well, that’s because I don’t really… have a family.”

No one said anything, so Gigi continued. “My mom had me when she was seventeen years old. She was a senior in high school, and her boyfriend… my dad left her. I still don’t know who he is or where he is. Anyway. She made a lot of… poor decisions. I was taken from her when I was nine. I bounced from foster home to foster home until I eventually aged out of the system.”

“Wow,” Jaida said as she took Gigi’s hand.

No one wanted to ask, but they all had the same question, which Gigi knew.

“The reason I never told anyone is because I was, I don’t know, ashamed of it? I know I shouldn’t be because it made me who I am. All throughout school, I was surrounded by these rich kids from nuclear families,” Gigi cringed at her unfortunate word choice. “As I moved up in the fashion world, it was just all these privileged people that lived so opulently. Growing up, all the belongings I had growing up had to fit into a trash bag.”

Jan wrapped Gigi in a tight hug, and Nicky and Jaida followed suit. Gigi wasn’t sure how long they sat wordlessly holding each other. She shut her eyes and tried to take in the moment. She knew that in just a few hours, things weren’t going to be the same. She wasn’t going to be able to launch her new collection. She wasn’t going to have a design on the cover of Vogue. None of it mattered. In that moment, all she could focus on was the group of girls who were the family she never had.

–

Crystal and Jackie sat across from each other in the basement. Between the two of them was a bong. Jackie couldn’t calm down, and Crystal had a solution. Jackie had never smoked before. While Crystal knew starting someone on a bong wasn’t the best idea, it was all she had.

In the past few days, Crystal had taught Jackie a lot. It felt suiting that the last thing Crystal taught her was how to get high in an attempt to be calm. Just like with anything else, Crystal was an incredible teacher. Jackie successfully hit the bong, managing not to cough. Before too long, Jackie felt the weed hit her system.

“My arms feel heavy.”

“That would be the weed.”

“I wanna lay down,” Jackie said before dramatically falling backward onto a pillow. Crystal decided that the ground looked lovely and also laid down.

“One hour,” Crystal whispered as she looked at her watch.

“Things aren’t going to be the same, are they?” Jackie’s tone reminded Crystal of a child asking if there was a monster in their closet.

Jackie already knew her answer, but Crystal responded, “No.”

Suddenly, Jackie’s knowledge of foreign affairs bubbled to the surface. “Even if the president and the dictator don’t make good on their promises, our foreign affairs are fucked. It’s either the world ends, or more than likely all of our allies are going to pull out because he’s so unstable. If he threatened to nuke a whole country, no one is going to want to be our ally. If for whatever reason we had a world war, which honestly a huge possibility, we are fucked.”

Crystal blinked. She knew her best friend was smart, but anytime Jackie talked about politics, Crystal couldn’t help be impressed. “I’m too high to process what you just said, but I’m going to assume that whatever you said is really, really bad.”

“Correct.”

Crystal closed her eyes. She didn’t know how much time passed, it could have been seconds or minutes. “Hey Jack?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Thank you for being there for me. You are the only friend I’ve ever had. You were there for me when my aunt was in one of her moods. You didn’t stare when I came into school with a black eye the next day. You are the only person who got to know me, and didn’t see me as the second coming of my aunt like everyone else did. I love you.”

Jackie sat up. “I love you too, Crystal. I was the new kid that had no friends. I ate in the bathroom until I met you. Honestly, I don’t know what I would do without you in my life, and I am thankful to call you my best friend.”

Tears began to form in Crystal’s eyes. She rested her head on Jackie’s shoulder. In a tone barely louder than a whisper she said, “I’m scared.”

“I am, too.”

Five minutes.

Jackie looked at her watch. “Fuck.”

Wordlessly, Crystal grabbed Jackie’s hands and held on for dear life.

Four minutes.

Jackie and Crystal were both crying. In the moment, both women felt so horrified they couldn’t speak.

Three minutes.

“Jackie…” Crystal trailed off unable to speak anymore.

Two minutes.

Jackie hugged Crystal tighter than she’d ever hugged anyone.

One minute.

“It’ll be okay,” Jackie said, trying to ease her own mind more than Crystal’s.

Zero.

#rpdr fanfiction #crygi #jaida x nicky #crystal methyd #gigi goode #jaida essence hall #nicky doll #jan sport #jackie cox #slow burn #lesbian au #wasteland baby #metaluna #tw child abuse #submission #s12

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scorpio-skies · 5 years ago

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Bless me with your OTP!

I know everyone’s expecting Noranse, but I’m going to shake things up with Nara because why not! I love em just as much and they have an interesting dynamic! ;D

I was tagged by the amazing @slothssassin !

Tagging; @eluvisen, @mrninjapineapple, @beckiboos, @ariejul, @sociallyacceptablemadness, @lothrilzul, @val-rampage, @solesurvivorkat , @metalforhands, @mars-colony, @lookbluesoup , @tarberrymentats @marvilus73 and anybody else who’d like to do this! ♥

Do they fight often? If so, what is their dynamic like?

Nora and Nate often bicker over little things, though they’re usually harmless and end fairly quickly. However, when they have real fights, things can escalate and their home become a place of glacial silence and tension. The cause of these fights usually boils down to three things; Nate’s alcoholism, Nora’s rigid morals vs Nate’s social circle, and Nate’s perfectionism.

They both have the bad habit of bottling things up and not talking to each other, silently stewing until they calm down. They try to never sleep on an argument however, and always tried discussing things before they fall asleep.

The only exceptions were when Nate would get too riled up and do what he’s done throughout his life; run away and seek solace at the bottom of a bottle. When he goes sober, Nate walks their dog and has a few smokes to clear his head instead.

Angry Nora prefers to cook out her rage, taking it out on the chopping board loudly enough that Nate instantly knows when she’s angry. The cooking is still delicious and edible, and they often talk out their frustrations over the food -- if Nora has calmed down. If she hasn’t, she’ll comfort eat all the sweets she made herself!

Who is the most skeptical of the two?

This is a tough one -- neither of them are skeptics, really. Nate has more of a feel for people however, because he’s friends with all types. He knows there’s good and beauty in the world, but he’s also seen the worst of humanity, which really comes out in his PTSD following Anchorage. I’d say Nate’s the most skeptical, though post-war Nora definitely has a reality check and hardened up, although she still lucked out by meeting some of the good people in the sea of bad.

Who would be most likely to suggest a night of dancing?

Nate 1000% -- he’s the guy who knows everybody and can queue jump like a V.I.P! Nora’s a bit more shy and awkward (until she’s had a few drinks) and would only join Nate sometimes, though she’d head home fairly early. When out on his own however, Nate would be out until the morning rush hour, typically heading to bars long after their closing hours and hanging with the special regulars. He also loves to dance and sing so it was always a great time for him!

If they’re alone or in a quiet venue however, Nora’s always up for a quiet slow dance between them.

What would they do if the other was injured in battle?

Nate would fall back on his military training, dealing with immediate threats before tending to Nora. He’d then prioritise her safety over the mission and work to cut them a path out of there.

Pre-war Nora wouldn’t know what to do (in the battle, or first aid wise), but post-war with Brotherhood training, Nora would do the same, patching him best she knew how and retreating to the nearest medics ASAP.

Unless innocents were endangered, they would stay by the others bedside until they were stable.

How do their fighting styles complement each other?

Nate and Nora adopted completely different styles -- Nate prefers combat armour and moving stealthy but fast. He’s great with assault rifles, though he’s always shone when it comes to CQC being a big guy. He moves a lot faster than most can guess and with lethal precision, though if he can drop enemies at a distance, he prefers it.

Nora, on the other hand, was trained by Danse. She adores power armour and feels near unstoppable in it. Whereas Nate would rather slip in, Nora would rather kick the door down and bulldoze any in front of her, followed up by ashing with her rifle.

In battle, the pair function rather poorly because Nate becomes obsessed with Nora’s safety to the detriment of both of them. They could work well together with Nora being the big, steely distraction allowing Nate an opening to flank enemies, but Nate’s fear clouds his judgement and all he sees is his wife in danger.

Do they want children? Does it frighten them? How many do they want?

They both want children and to have a family together. Nora would be happy with two children as being an only child she felt lonely. Nate would be happy with two, though he would love to have more as he has a very strong paternal instinct.

Pre-war, Nate had a very strong fear that he would fail as a father due to his mother’s influence, and lack of a caring father in his own life. He’s also petrified that his mother would find out and want to come into his children’s lives, which he would not stand for.

Nora worried about being a good parent too, but her fears weren’t so deeply rooted as Nate’s because she knew she had her family support network to fall back on.

Post war, they’re both frightened at the thought of raising their children in such a dangerous world, but it also serves as a powerful drive for the pair of them to make it as secure for their children as possible, that they might enjoy a childhood in spite of the threats. Chances are they’d also adopt alongside having their own child if they met an orphan who needed them.

What happened when they took them home to their families? If their families aren’t in the picture anymore, how do they feel about it?

Nate has complete no contact with his family. His situation is complicated to say the least. His mother fell pregnant out of wedlock and had a hasty wedding to a man who was clearly not Nate’s father -- and his mother played cruel games with that fact, preventing Nate’s (secretly step) father from ever bonding with him. As a result, he and his ‘father’ were more awkward housemates than family who were often pitted against each other.

Nate’s younger half-brother made more of an effort, but as he was the ‘favoured child,’ Nate harboured a lot jealousy and bitterness towards him that poisoned their relationship. It grew worse when their mother had them competing, and suddenly began fawning over Nate when he joined the military.

His mother he hates like nothing else. Part of him still craves her love and validation, but he fears that she’ll poison his new family with her toxicity and knows her affection is born purely from what she stands to gain.

His mother comes from old money, and her family disowned her after her shock pregnancy and sudden marriage to a ‘lesser class.’ Initially they pretended ‘the bastard’ didn’t exist, but when he joined the military he suddenly ‘made them proud’ and his lack of a known father was suddenly a boon because his father might not be so common after all -- and the family wanted a male heir who would take their name and continue the lineage. Because of this, his mother saw Nate as her meal ticket back to the good life and the family bank account and suddenly cared about him again.

She did meet Nora once, wheedling Nate’s latest home from one of his friends -- but it wasn’t for long. Nora was wary of her following what Nate had confided, and he came home partway through her visit. He exploded and chased her from the building, feeling furious and terrified. Shortly after, he and Nora moved to Sanctuary Hills, telling no one but Nora’s family where they had gone.

Nora’s family loved Nate immediately. He’s a natural charmer, and as a patriotic soldier her parents warmed to him quickly -- it also helped that neither Nate or Nora mentioned he was couch surfing and had no address of his own at the time.

Evangeline, Nora’s cousin and BFF, liked Nate but was also initially wary that he might be a player and she, as a police officer, was less than thrilled at his many murky contacts and friends. Seeing his genuine adoration and loyalty for Nora as well as his good heart, she was won over, which eased his welcome into the extended family.

He now attends every family gathering and is honestly sometimes more enthusiastic about them than Nora.

Nate adores Nora’s family and feels honoured and touched that they accepted him and go out of their way to make him part of the unit. He finally feels like he has a real family with them.

How does each person show affection towards the other?

They’re both casually intimate with each other - little touches, embraces, kisses and snuggles. When out in public, they’ll walk close with their fingers entwined and when they sit they naturally lean into each other. There’s thoughtful gifts between them, and, especially on Nate’s part, big romantic gestures.

Who cries the most? Who is better at comforting?

Nate cries more than Nora -- he’s suffered a lot in his life, and is typically more open with his emotions. When Nora cries, she always tries to hide it while Nate struggles to. Nate comforts through hugs and gentle pep-talks, whilst Nora comforts much the same way, but with added comfort food. When the time’s right, they’ll attempt to distract whoever they’re comforting with something fun -- Nate’s likely to offer to talk over drinks, or go for a drive when he’s sober, while Nora will suggest movies and more food til they’re ready to talk or cheered up.

Who is the bigger flirt?

Nate. Nora’s quite shy about flirting and a hopeless romantic. Nate however is a casual flirt -- he’d never stray from Nora or cheat on her, but he’s naturally flirtatious and can’t help himself. He loves making people feel beautiful and confident, and sometimes it doesn’t quite register that he might have gone too far and led someone on. It’s definitely led to problems, and at times Nora’s gotten jealous and angry at him over it, though she’s come to the understanding that that’s just who he is - -and at the end of the day, it’s her he loves and comes home to, no one else. No one else. >:3

#nora hart #nathaniel hart #fallout 4 #sole survivor #female sole survivor #is it the case that nora's wrath has reared its head in some universes when other people have tried to make a move on nate?#yes! yes it has!#and both Nate and Danse are ;O-O when they see it!#as soon as i get money I'll have to get a nara pic done #I do love em!#also this is ancient and I found it mostly written in my drafts so finally finished it today yay!

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lisinfleur · 5 years ago

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Mais uma pra série Poesia Brasileira pros Brazucas de plantão (E galera de Portugal também!)

One more for the ones who like Brazillian PT music and poetry!

Free style translation:

Childish Song

It was a house not so funny Because of the lack of affection, it had nothing It had a roof, a pool, architect It just couldn't buy what was missing Well structured, sometimes full But even full, there was solitude The poet used to say: what is made of ego In the fool's street, causes frustration

Yeah, yeah, yeah Hmm, hmm, hmm Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Hmm, hmm, hmm

There was another house, a corner of the gueto Without asphalt on the street, out of the pattern Eternit (a kind of roof tile) perforated, small, narrow But if you want to come there is water for the beans (usually poor people in Brazil will put water in the black beans to make it thinner and increase it for more people to be able to eat). If Mengão (Flamengo Football Clube) will play, we can even parcel There will be meat, beer, soda and coal (material usual for a barbecue) The coins are counted, the energy always cut But faith wasn't missing, they had gratitude.

Yeah yeah yeah But it was so close to heaven Yeah yeah yeah But it was so close to heaven

How sweet was the dream there Even not having the best condition Everyone could sleep there Even with only one old mattress

But it was made with a lot of love But it was made with a lot of love

Life is a childish song It is, seriously, think, can you see? Beauties and beasts, castles and jails Princesses, Pinocchios, good guys and...

Yeah, I don't know if this is good or bad Someone tells me what in this world is real? The shooting on the school, the shirt on the clothesline The villain that is on the story or the one on the news? Tell me! Why the discoveries are lethal? The monsters became literal I used to play police and thief some time ago Now, nobody else plays It became too realist... The bullets became real, drilling Eternit To play we still want, but the blood stained the pike (catches) The end of the story is sad when the evil is not gone The boogeyman exists! Do not dare to play outside Because five little boys were out for a ride No drugs, no flagrant, no fucking disgrace The police triggered, pá pá pá pá (shot sounds) But no one, not a single one of them came back from there. There were more than a hundred shots in this story without a moral Directly from the bottom of the chaos I search for my docks in a world of dogs Humans are bad In the end, the evil results from the choice we have in our hands A childish song, for real But I'm sorry, old man, here the Beauty won't end up with the Beast Of course, here is everyone in its own space Crystal shoes step over the barefoot Rapunzel is beautiful, yes, with her dreads on the terrace But if the hare comes with a Juliet (a brand of expensive dark glasses) even the turtle quicken the pace. Why is it so hard to explain In the "ciranda, cirandinha" (Brazillian traditional childish song) the siren comes to "frame me" (a common way to express the police approach) Telling me to turn away without even explain From Costa Barros to Guadalupe (districts of the state of Rio de Janeiro in Brazil), a million of plots How can you explain to a child that safety makes you afraid? How do you explain that 80 shots were a mistake? (a reference to a crime where a black family was murdered with 80 shots and the military responsible said they have mistaken the car) 80 shots... 80 shots, man Carrousel of horrors, everything takes you as a hostage Reasons to cry even the ballerina has The beginning is already the end of the trail Even Alice realized it wasn't a wonder

There is something wrong with the world. Do not take your eyes out of the hourglass The human being is, in a summary, the cancer of the planet Society is sick and judges the color of the grimace God writes plans of peace, but he also gives us the pen And we? We write the life Iphones, the hunger, the dry The man, the drones, the envy, and the hurt The money, disputes, blood, and the trigger Cereals, mansions, condos, and guetos It's everything inside out, we failed in our cribs Our happy ending has to do with the beginning Only the beginning, only the beginning For planting to be free, the harvest is the price. Life is a childish song, see it for yourself We're Pinocchios, planting lies, and putting the blame on Gepetto We need to go back home...

Where it was made with a lot of love Where it was made with a lot of love

#br music #br poetry #rap #br portuguese #poetry

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attemptingthoughtfulness · 5 years ago

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if you don’t want to talk about racism in media, you shouldn’t try teaching racism through media

(or: using minority exploitation and suffering to teach minority exploitation and suffering by appropriating a movie that appropriates minority exploitation and suffering.)

(CW: brief discussion of rape in the movie “Gran Torino”, also spoilers for said movie)

I’ve recently been having a lot of flashbacks to elementary school, kindergarden and I am still pretty much scarred from high school, so let’s talk about the usage of media in high school and the utter lack of care or competence on the side of some of my teachers.

We watched Clint Eastwood’s “Gran Torino” in English class and thinking back at it, there’s a lot of stuff that we didn’t talk about which would have been very fundamental to understanding media, so let’s start with that.

Who are hero and villain? The hero, Walt, is a old, white veteran played by Clint Eastwood. He starts off as a racist and “learns his ways” by interacting with a Hmong minority that moved in next doors. He helps the youngest son to “man up” and eventually dies in a crucifixion pose saving that family. If you wanted to be cynical you could say he’s the manifestation of a white saviour complex and toxic masculinity... The Hmong family next doors basically consists of a mother, a son and a daughter. The son is a little bit of a nerd and his cousin (named “Spider”) tries to force him into joining a gang but he refuses. That conflict culmulates in the gang shooting at the house and raping the sister.

So, as we go on to discuss several rather problematic aspects, keep in mind that we talked about none of this in class even as I asked the teacher about it. Before we even start off: Walt constantly refers to minorities with a racial slur and it is never addressed. Neither in the movie or in the classroom we watched the movie in. And maybe that makes sense within the movie’s internal logic but your main charachter, who you, the writer and teacher, chose to portray as a hero still uses a whole bunch of racial slurs and it’s frankly amazing that you don’t talk about that a lot. Like, the really stupid analysis would have been “Oh, he uses a lot of racial slurs in the beginning but then stops using it as he becomes less racist, it’s character development!”, but he never once apologizes for them, he never once gets corrected or gets told how hurtful those are. Why not talk about it?

And ultimately this is a lot about the choices you make when telling a story, who you decide to be a hero and frame in a fucking crucifixion pose, who gets to be the villain and what means become important.

Speaking of the villain: The villain is literally a part of a Hmong family, like the gang is framed in the most ridiculous light as they drive their pathetic car while listening to “fuck the police” but they get very cruel very fast as Spider shoots the house of his aunt and rapes his cousin with his friends which makes them quite abominable and barbaric. There is deep cutting sexual assault but it’s nothing but a means for Walt and his little apprentice to get upset and seek revence. You could probably substitute a literal gang rape for like burning a house down, or stealing some precious thing, it’s just weird that they chose to make it sexual assault. The sister, throughout the movie, takes a role in the background and kinda just naggs her brother, teases him and tries to banter in the most annoying way possible. And then she gets raped and if you think too hard about it, it seems a lot like her character was developed to serve that narrative purpose.

The movie also talks about the problems this Hmong community is facing, but it also kinda shows them as comically evil, there is no question who the good guy is - and who the bad guy is. What I am getting at is: why is the villain a Hmong gang and not.. I don’t know, the police? Gang violence is a huge problem for minorities - police violence is too and one kind of doesn’t frame an entire ethnic group as in need of help or barbaric. And yes, gang problems do exist in real life, but the active decision to depict it instead of the inherent flaws in the socio economic system that has enforced centuries of discrimination, is the important point. Interestingly, the movie does address the utter uselessness of the police briefly and kinda advertises the anarchist “taking things into your own hands” approach. As real as gang violence is, such is racial profiling or the fraud system - why not talk about it? Because that makes the black and white distinction of heroes and villains get a little fuzzy and who would want nuanced and complex themes?

Masculinity is used in connection to power tools, weapons and old but fancy cars. The son of the family (I forgot his name) is smart, he wants to go to university, he helps his mother, he is emotional but that doesn’t matter. And maybe that’s a very self aware take on “all of these qualities don’t matter but as soon as he has his own tool belt, he gets validated from society” but for that to be the take, they focus way too little on the validation or the previous value of his person - the validation becomes implicit and he is mostly validated through Walt. With that: there is not a single strong female character except for the sister in there and that would be generous considering what happens. Thinking of it, here are like three whole female characters in the entire movie.

Let’s get to the weapons. It’s no secret that Clint Eastwood is a conservative and it’s also a huge gimmik of the movie that “the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun” - no question asked about gun control. Guns are the cause for a lot of pain in the movie, but the hero is constantly glorified for his use and ownership of weapons, so there is absolutely not critical thought towards that one. Since Walt is a veteran too, there is a dash of at least value in military accomplishments too.

You could definitely argue that not all of these things are explicitly in there or that it probably wasn’t the intention of the screen play writer - but it still matters for media understanding to be aware of all of that. Of the fact that decisions are actively made and those are inherently political. Whose story you chose to tell is an observation that is incredibly crucial. You could also ask why I even bring these complex topics into English class? I mean, it’s high school. And I definitely agree that these questions cannot be talked about in a usual English class - but then tell my why my teachers wanted to talk about them soooo bad. The whole overarching theme of English finals was “belonging”, especially in contrast of its opposite of discrimination. They try so hard to make English skills about important social issues - they just fail doing so.

I am fully aware that the movie “Gran Torino” is just a means to teach the English skills necessary to pass English finals. They want you to learn about the history around the movie, cherry pick their way through topics they can get into 90 minute sessions, mostly avoiding debates about the movie tiself. I am fully aware that discussing racism in English class doesn’t aim to talk about these problems but to teach you the skills you need to pass finals. And that makes me cringe very hard because that means they’re quite literally using painful experiences to do that without having put a lot of thought into that.

One of my worst ethics teachers couldn’t tell me why I should care about Immanuel Kant’s work when he was this massive racist and sexist. He couldn’t tell me. And it is important to reailze that either he doesn’t have the capacity to think about that or he didn’t care enough to ask himself that question and I don’t know which one is worse. The same goes for chosing a movie that glorifies masculitiny and a white saviour to teach about belonging. Why not talk about the fact that nearly 50% of all homeless youth in the US is LGBTQ+? You need to be able to justify the decisions you make and the reasons why you don’t talk about certain things - and if that reason is called what the ministry of education tells you to do, they should have come equipped with an answer!

So. Why care? I love taking examples a ad hitlerum because that makes people realize the importance of the situation. If we were to read Mein Kampf in class, you would want the teachers to be a) able to understand the underlying problems of the material and talk about it to students and b) able to justify why the fuck they are reading Mein Kampf in class. I’m not saying Immanuel Kant’s ethics and Clint Eastwood’s “Gran Torino” are as bad as Mein Kampf, I’m saying that these are the kind of questions you have to ask yourself as an educational institution when teaching and chosing things worth teaching.

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lurafita · 6 years ago

Text

Obsession - Chapter 1

Read the prologue here: https://lurafita.tumblr.com/post/184483191964/obsession-prologe

Somebody please tell me how to properly embed the previous part here, please? I’m such a noob.

Thanks everyone who liked and reblogged the prologue, it really got me writing the first chapter way quick! Also, please tell me if this is missing specific tags.

Somebody also tell me how to tag people for the update? Do I just go like this: @itfeelssogoodmrstark @the-neon-demon ?

Obsession

Chapter 1

//Tony, this isn't a joke! You can't just slip away from the tower without any security! If you don't call me or Happy in the next ten minutes, I'm sending Natasha after you!//

Tony smirked as he read the text message Pepper, his personal assistant, had sent him. It wasn't so much that he enjoyed being hunted down by his head bodyguard and former Russian spy, Natasha Romanoff, but he simply wasn't the kind of person to organize a team of stiff security goons around him, just to get out of his tower for a bit.

Which was not to say that he didn't understand Pepper's worry. He was an important, powerful and influential man, who had rivals and enemies practically around every corner. While he certainly wasn't helpless, it wouldn't be the first time he had been kidnapped. And ever since Obadiah's betrayal... well, as stated before, Tony did understand Pepper's worry. Didn't change the fact that he didn't like having a fucking battalion of suits following his every movement, or telling him where he could or couldn't go. He had already fired a bunch of those who had tried. No one told Tony Stark what he could or couldn't do. It was possibly one of the reasons why he had promoted Natasha to the head position. The woman was terrifying in every way, but she never tried to limit Tony. She simply adapted to his whims. And today one of those whims had prompted him to put on a rather atrocious outfit, a wig that made it look like he was some kind of hippie, a cap and sunglasses, all of which combined made up the perfect disguise for him to roam the streets of New York undetected.

He hadn't actually planned to stay out too long, just find some hole in the wall, unobtrusive little diner and drink a cup of coffee (which in hindsight was a really bad idea, because clearly whatever this brown sludge was couldn't hold a candle to the high quality beans used in the coffee makers in his tower), when the conversation between the three people sat at the table on his right had drifted over to him.

At first he had felt annoyed; after all, he had chosen this pitiful little diner because it's unappealing location in a narrow alley way and over all unimpressive decor, was supposed to guarantee very few patrons. And therefore, a quiet little space for Tony to relax for a few minutes, before he had to go back to people shoving papers and contracts under his nose for him to read and sign and his phone ringing every damn five minutes. He had been about to leave, when he decided to at least take a quick glance at the people daring to disturb his little break.

They seemed to be around the same age, which Tony guessed to be early twenties. One rather heavyset young man, black hair, slightly darker skin tone, if pressed, the billionaire would put him down as part Filipino. A young black woman, curly hair, a serious expression on her face that kind of reminded Tony of Pepper. And then his eyes drifted to the third person at that table and he felt... something... shoot through him.

Pale skin peeked out from under a too big sweater, allowing just a glimpse at the collarbones leading up to the slender neck. Light pink lips that, while not overly plumb, looked invitingly lush. Short brown hair that was clearly unstyled, but just seemed to beg you to run your fingers through it's curls.

Soft brown eyes. Deep and bright. And so expressive, as the young man recounted what must have been a fascinating lecture by one of his professors to his two friends.

“Professor Conners studies of cross species genetics and their possible applications in modern medicine are mind blowing, guys. I'm so deliriously happy that I got into his class! He even said that there ...” And Tony couldn't look away. At only a first glance, the brunette looked plain. Unassuming. To someone like Tony Stark, who had bedded more super models than most people even allowed themselves to fantasize about, there should be nothing particularly outstanding about the younger man. And yet...

He was cute. Slightly boyish features, a bit of a baby face. But clearly an adult. Must be. Had to be.

He spoke with such enthusiasm, such passion. His voice just that side of a little higher pitched, but smooth, pleasant.

“...which is why we could possibly be lucky enough to get Doctor Octavious as a guest lecturer sometime this semester and...”

Intelligence and eagerness was pouring off the brunette. So excited by the prospect of learning more, widening his horizons, that his cheeks had taken on a light rosy hue. It was adorable.

“...and just think about what this could mean for trauma patients, or people waiting for a transplant...”

And so Tony ordered another cup of watered down mud, kept on ignoring the messages blowing up his phone, angled his body in a way that kept the younger man in his sight, without outright staring at him, and continued to listen.

The three covered a wide variety of topics, and Tony learned not only the brunettes name (Peter, the other man had called him at one point, and what a delightfully fitting name for the cute creature), but also that beside the sharp intellect, Peter possessed a snarky kind of humor, that had almost caused Tony to snort loudly a few times.

The disguised celebrity was on his third cup of what passed for coffee in the world of the pitiful, when the three were discussing a book that the woman – he hadn't bothered to memorize her name – was reading for her literature course.

“I'm not saying that I like Richard. I just don't think that he is the personification of evil that the book is painting him as.”

And even though Tony had no idea what the books plot even was about, he felt inclined to agree with Peter. Just on principle. The woman shook her head.

“Every oracle they have come across has pointed out the darkness residing in him. He clearly can't be trusted.”

Ah, so it was some kind of fantasy book? He hadn't known that colleges even used those. Then again, his education at MIT had mostly circled around all kinds of mechanical engineering and business, with a side of physics and a bit of chemistry. He had never really been into the liberal arts and the like, so what did he know?

“But that's just it! All they ever say about him is that he carries darkness in his soul. But does this automatically make him a bad man? I mean, if the darkness can be used and manipulated, then isn't it simply a matter of the person who wields it? Like, think of the darkness like a weapon. A gun in the hands of... a robber or something, could kill you. But a gun in the hands of a good guy, like a police officer or someone, could save your life.”

What a profound thing to say. Cute, smart, funny and thoughtful.

“And, is darkness even all that bad? I know it gets linked to evil a lot in stories, but really, I mean, how do I put this? Sometimes darkness can be.. comforting? Like, have you ever tried to sleep in a fully lit room? And sure, you are more likely to get robbed when it's dark out, but it's also a lot easier to hide or escape from someone if they can't see you. Know what I mean?”

It was like Peter was speaking directly to him. Because there had been a time, almost five years ago now, when Tony had thought that maybe, he could find love with Pepper. She had been with him for years. She was loyal, she was beautiful, she was his friend, and he trusted her. The attraction was reciprocated, and they had tried. Tony Stark’s first real relationship. The media had been in a frenzy over them, had hounded him more than usual, hoping that they would catch him straying. Wetting themselves over the chance that they might be the one to get the scoop of the playboy who couldn't stay faithful. Nothing sold better than a scandal.

But Tony hadn't cheated on Pepper, and it wasn't an act of betrayal that ended their relationship. “I'm sorry, Tony. But I can't do this anymore. It's not something you did, it's just... Remember that article a few months ago, - after we brought out the new military weapon series, - that questioned whether or not you had a heart? That article was bullshit and the person who wrote it is an ignorant fool. I believe you have a great capacity for love. But I don't think that I'm the one that... Sometimes, it feels like there is this darkness inside of you. And that scares me. I'm so sorry.”

They had stayed friends, and Tony knew, even if Pepper hadn't ended it that day, it wouldn't have worked out between them. But her words had stuck with him. 'There is this darkness inside you. And it scares me.'

He hadn't denied it. How could he, when it was nothing but the truth?

How many people had called him a warlord, because of Stark Industries weapons manufacturing? How often had he been accused of profiting off people dying? How often had he had to defend himself from his would be assailants, or his would be kidnappers, and not felt an ounce of mercy or regret, when he broke their bones or put bullets into their limbs? He knew well of the darkness he carried, and he had accepted (resigned himself) that this made him a bad man.

But now Peter, bright, enthusiastic, adorable Peter, was offering him an alternative. A second chance.

Darkness didn't have to be evil.

Yes, Stark Industries had made millions by designing and building weapons to use in wars. But it was those weapons that enabled their soldiers to protect and fight for the ideals of their country and the freedom of all.

It might be scary, but it could be comforting.

He had felt like a demon, avenging and ruthless, when he had finally hunted down Obadiah and ended him; but after that, he had held Pepper and been held by her, knowing that he had done what needed to be done, and that because of that, they were now safe.

It might harbor monsters inside itself, but it could also hide you from them.

He could remember running through the endless halls in his childhood home, his angry and drunk father screaming somewhere behind him, and slipping into a room, any room. Killing all the lights and crawling into a niche, or under a bed, or a couch, or a table. And his father, too drunk to find the light switch with his fumbling, unable to see him in the dark.

“I doubt Professor Wilson expects us to be this philosophical about it, Parker.”

The woman's voice so rudely interrupted Tony's introspection, and he wanted to yell at her to shut up. But he didn't. He wouldn't. She was Peter's friend. And while Tony carried darkness inside him, he was not a bad man.

He watched as Peter shrugged.

“You never know, MJ. Can't hurt to be-” That's when the young man caught a glance at the clock that hung on the opposite wall and his eyes widened in panic. “Shoot! It's almost six already?! I'm gonna be late!” He frantically grabbed his jacked and backpack and stood from the table. His Filipino friend shot him a concerned look.

“Think you gonna make it? Wasn't your boss really angry that last time you were late?”

Peter was rummaging in his jacket pocket and having found the few dollars in it, quickly laid them on the table to cover his tap. He nodded.

“Yeah, I will have to run, but it's not far. I should just make it. Skype later?”

His two friends nodded, and then Peter was off like a shot.

No. No no no no no. This was too fast. Peter couldn't just leave like this. He couldn't- his phone vibrated with what was undoubtedly another angry text from Pepper about bringing in Natasha. It helped clear Tony's head, though.

This wasn't a problem. Nothing was lost. Tony had listened to the three undergrad students long enough to deduce that they attended Berkeley College. He knew that Peter had signed up for all of Doctor Conners lectures.

And he now knew that Peter's last name was Parker.

He could find him now. It would be easy, with all the resources available to him. Child's-play.

So he breathed in deeply, and finished the last of his sludge. He laid some money on the table and stood. He had left a generous tip, because even though the coffee had been miserable, the company had been exquisite.

He took his phone out and finally answered Pepper's numerous messages, as he left the diner.

Tony Stark didn't believe in love at first sight.

He thought back to his escape from the tower, now almost 2 hours ago, and the time spent in the diner. He felt lighter than he had in a long time.

But he did believe in true love.

He remembered every detail of Peter that he had been able to gather. And he remembered that something that he had felt, when he first looked into his eyes.

And he did believe that sometimes, true love started with a something.

#starker #peter parker #tony stark #fanfic #obsession #dark!tony #Possessive!Tony #op lurafita

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