#because sure this is a political move
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The Expanse | 3x11. Fallen World
#the expanse#theexpanseedit#klaes ashford#in this moment i cried#actual tears from my eyes#because sure this is a political move#but it's also#playing the game putting who the belters are at their best to the forefront#we have an advantage and we're going to share it#very good#i made this#i just want a tag for the things i personally put out into the world
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okay maybe an unpopular opinion but i think shiori shouldn't actually like hiei that much
#not for any real reason but because i think it's funny personally#kuwabara being the only one at her wedding<3 he's her favorite#she likes yusuke (seems to be kurama's first actual friend (he wasn't at the time))#she loves kuwabara okay. bc ik his ass is such a suckup and he's motherless#and desperate for an adult woman in his life that isn't gonna do wwe moves on him#not that shizuru isn't everything to him but hey it can't hurt to have shiori pinch his cheek and offer him sweets#also unimaginably funny to me to think THIS is very hiei loses to kuwabara#kuwabara who's always getting bypassed by him tripped and dodged#this is what has hiei fuming whereas kuwa barely registers there's some sort of competition#hiei is sour because he knew kurama first yet shiori is just. polite with him#and he with her!! he thinks she's okay he guesses#doesn't really understand why kurama changed his entire self cos of her but alright#he gets it family is family he just doesn't talk to his so 💥#shiori's general reaction being ''im sure he's lovely''#kurama is not helping hiei get points by the way#very ''if you can't be normal go away <3'' about it which is why kuwabara gets 5 stars from both mother & son#and hiei gets a whopping zero#once she heard scuttling on the roof thought they had squirrels kurama checks#and is like im sorry mother ive told hiei to stop storing things in the gutters. takes down a bunch of weird shit#just random human shit he's found. possibly stole. he thinks it's endearing probably#i don't remember where i was going with this really#just. imagine how funny it would be if for once hiei actually gaf what a human thought about him#and she just thinks he's mid. kinda weird but that's alright shuichi we all have our quirks#qeued post#yu yu hakusho#hiei and atsuko on the other hand? god have mercy they get along GREAT 🤕#I'll have to make another post abt that tho this is already way too long
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youtube
the love of my entire life
#valtteri filppula#no one cares but i'm still gonna rant about this because you don't understanddddd#he's objectively one of the most succesful finnish hockey players. no not just in my biased opinion he really is!!#no other finn has won the triple gold (the stanley cup + olympic gold + world championships gold)#in the latter two he was also the captain of the team 😭#1000+ games played in the NHL#he's also won the swiss league and the CHL#he could have retired. moved to florida and bathe in his money#but what does he do? comes back to play in his home team 19 years after he left#(if we don't count the few games he played here in the NHL lock-out season 2012-13 before he got injured)#in his home team that currently does not even play in the top division??#as one of the owners of the team?? practically for FREE?!#because he wants to give back to his team and help them back to the top division 😭#i mean. what kinda person does that?? 😭😭😭😭😭#i'm bawling at how he walked in the locker room for the first time and introduced himself to everyone (with his nickname!!)#as if all them didn't know exactly who he was. come on he's a living legend??#he said he wants to be treated like everyone else in the team. they're just some boys#and he's won pretty much everything you can win in this sport#look how stark the locker room is in comparison to what he got used to in the fucking NHL and the swiss league 😭#at 40 years of age he's gonna be sitting in the same bus with these youngsters through the darkest of finland's winter#again i cannot emphasize enough that he could have retired to e.g. florida where he used to play for many years#(and where i think his wife is from? but i'm not sure so don't quote me on that)#he's so humble so smart so polite so friendly and on top of that he is handsome as fuck 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i've never had the chance to meet him but this season i really hope i can. although i'll probably cry loads and make an idiot out of myself#i was bawling my eyes off just watching him skate on the ice in his first match this season. it all felt so surreal. he's home again 😭#i've loved him for a thousand years (or just 20. but it feels like thousand years)#i'll love him for a thousand more 💙
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tonight I go to bed grateful not to be in my bnha phase right now
#pickle pontificates#oh boy. i see stuff starting to blow up over there right now#i have many feelings and thoughts about that series and the amount of good it did for me cannot be underestimated#but i was starting to get a bit frustrated with it around when the war arc started#and i sort of fizzled out in interest#and i stopped keeping up with the manga around the traitor reveal i think#it's bittersweet because on the one hand i cannot say enough about the good it did me#it influenced my real life and studies and hobbies in kind of a big way#but on the other hand i don't feel great about the direction it went#and I'm glad I didn't have to be disillusioned while i was in the middle of fangirling and fixating and whatever else#I'd also rather not be involved in whatever discourse I keep catching whiffs of#seeing that was always the most exhausting part of trying to scavenge the fandom and i am too tired for that#yeah. i guess I'm just glad i got to spend time with it when i did and also that I'm doing other stuff now#watch me talk about media like it's my ex rofl#not entirely wrong though... pretty sure I have seriously and directly compared reading dungeon meshi to falling in love on here#and that's been the case with other things. i fall fast and i fall hard and then we have a passionate affair for a few months to a year#and then we amicably agree to be friends with benefits forever and I move on to the next one#(at least with stuff I really like)#bnha is more of an ex that I had a great time with who taught me a lot but I'm kinda only stalking them on social media once in a while#and they're sorta expressing some mildly concerning political opinions that I probably should've seen coming#but they really weren't that much of a problem back then so it's not like i could've really done anything about it#(this is totally different from the way i do relationships irl which is that i don't and haven't ever)
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Gonna put myself out here for a hot minute to remind everyone that the runner of a poll or little event on tumblr is not responsible for the replies/posts of everyone else in the fandom, nor do they have the power to stop people from reacting in any which way in the notes of their post without turning off reblogs and shutting down the entire thing full stop. I think we can all agree on that? They are not a discord mod, or the fandom's babysitter. Tumblr is the Wild West and by god none of us are the sheriff.
That's all ok keep on keeping everyone
#I think everyone can understand the wariness that comes with suddenly holding a giant megaphone?#and also the inbox is not your political confessional. for like.. the last time#if you have a point to make reblog or make your own post#Mac mumbles#this is getting sidetracked but#some of this stuff really does just look like ask bait. stop it#don't throw it onto someone else to suddenly have to reply or take the heat for. go off anon at least#you may not be intentionally mean about it but it's not nice. if you have a stupid point to make use your own blog to make it don't leech#off someone else's blog and watch them navigate the replies of an opinion You Made#if you're not sure how to figure out what sets a trap for a Tumblr user: stating an argumentative opinion or ranting about others behaviour#usually causes shit for the one answering the ask#because now their hands are tied and no matter how they respond they are probably gonna get shit#obviously this is less of a personal rant because as we have established today: I am the swing a bat at the hornets nest mutual#but yeah. be nice. don't send political discourse on anon into peoples inboxes if they haven't already brought up the topic.#its kinda a dick move. why not make your own post? oh its because you want Their Platform to boost your opinion? get out#if you wanted to have a conversation about it then dm them or send it off anon so they can reply properly#**privately#if you're worried you might get heat for it then ding ding! that is also a dick move! you know its a heated topic#and yet you hath brought it forth onto another blog so that They may be the one to carry the conversation#ugh sorry for the long rant this is just Such a pet peeve of mine#again I don't care much as a receiver but watching others get stuck in it is like... mrs anon sir. that was not nice#bad fandom etiquette etc etc#this goes double if its a generally positive or neutral blog. be annoyed on your own time
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uh ohhhhh <- remembered etsy exists and people have probably made hades 2 inspired fan merch like keychains and pins and charms and this means there must be an odysseus pin or keychain or charm anddddd now i have 5 etsy tabs open of. you guessed it. hades 2 inspired charms and keychains and pins with odysseus as one of the ones available
#[🪼] talking#everyone else in the game politely move to the side i am sure you are all great but this is NOT ABOUT YOU /silly#⚔️#also i am currently super broke for the record. and i mean. any birthday money i get is gonna go towards a phone. but..#you knowwww. giggling kicking my feet. ican look at them and save them for when i get a job and then Buy All Of Them :)#unless the shipping is like 40$ because these things are like 5$ each i am NOT paying shipping that costs more than 10$ total. fuckthat
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Since you mentioned it, what did you think of Speak No Evil? I was thinking of watching it myself :0
i really liked it ............ my friend scoffed at me when i told her i was watchin it so take my opinion with a grain of salt tho </3
#snap chats#SHE DIDNT EVEN WATCH IT BUT W/E SPOILER FREE QUICK REVIEW DOWN HERE HIIII <3<3<3<3#ive been made aware my tastes are. Questionable so proceed with caution vlklvjv im so sorry if i convince you to see it and you dont like i#moving on I Have. done nothing but listen to Eternal Flame for the past week its been stuck in my head ever since#BUT FR as i said I Really Liked It. i heard that theres another/original version so i wanna watch that at some point#if i care to remember and find it vjaelkjeakl but as This Movie On Its Own i had a swell time !!!#it does a really good job of teetering that line of#'this is just a quaint little sometimes-awkward get-together' and 'this is so stressful i just might throw up'#it did a good job of keeping me invested and on my toes i guess- it bitters innocuous scenarios really well which i like#like i wasnt sure WHEN whatever scene i was watching would turn sour but i always had that feeling it /would/- that lingering feeling#the horror in this is more psychological than violent- it only gets crazy by the last quarter honestly#which isnt bad! i like psych horror and Christ. the amount of times i was just grimacing in my seat like Suspense Is The Word#like imagine a dinner party where people only say controversial things and you dont want to blow up the situation#so you just try to be really polite about pivoting from the topic. but they keep going. thats basically the horror of this movie at its cor#i do have SOME comments about some bits but i wanna rewatch the movie at some point to be thorough on my comments jglejlakj#yk do a rewatch where im. NOT jokin bout with my brother- THO TBF DESPITE THAT I was still invested#like its premise is so. simple? in concept imo. but 'simple' isnt automatically bad in my eyes and i really liked how it played out#i dont watch movies much tho so maybe its been done different but there is ONE thing tht definitely made me like. HUH#but its nothing super major i dont htink? I MEAN IT WAS KINDA BIG BUT there were signs to it being revealed. still it made me vjLJ like god#i cant explain tho cause SPOILERS but ... Yeah. its not that crazy it just definitely took me by surprise for how quick the reveal was#tldr: if you ever wanted to watch an awkward dinner party where you couldnt do anything about it this is the movie to watch#and i like that. i like that because i hate myself apparently jVLAEKJVAEKLJ#coupled with horror it was also funny at times which i felt did help with that underlying 'when will this be tainted' horror#i really liked that ... when normalcy or the feeling of safety can be taken away in an instant#if you watch it and wanna talk bout it more in depth ill prob have rewatched it by then and id like to give a more. Detailed review#OR AT LEAST ONE NOT SO RAMBLY VELKAVJEALKJ im not good at reviewing things .... i just know when i like or dont like somethin ..#ive only had my bro to talk bout this with and he doesnt really. Give his thoughts or opinions too much like i do#so id be happy to talk bout it and get your perspective !!!! but only if you want Again if you dont like it im so sorry erlakjaekl#god theres so much more i want to say but im just rambling and i wanna be brief for you my friend vlakjlakvlkj#anyway yeah. those are my quick thoughts. i was Very Normal about james mcavoy for most of this movie ty for reading
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hmmm
does this seem neutrally polite enough? I want it to be clear I really don't think it's intentional, that I'm not trying to be condescending, that it's up to them what they do with this info, but that if they're unaware of this they should probably take a second to do a google and make a decision for themselves
'This looks awesome! Just wanted to let you know, as I don't know how common knowledge this is, so I'm super sorry if you were already aware and don't intend to acknowledge it (totally cool!), but chonky lace ups - like these and along the line of docs irl - are often associated with the lace code. A way to sort of signify a belief or political stance. White laces is for white supremacists, and red are neonazis. Again, to be really clear, Im not saying you need to change any of these! I don't know if anyone will care, or notice in the context of the game, but I thought it was worth saying in case you weren't aware and if it were something you'd want to know!'
#im always so!!!!! about couching this shit in so much politeness and understanding#but even when you do that and are as gentle as you can fucking be people will REACT if they're just that kind of person#i very gently said that language like 'not a real woman' was kinda transphobic but also don't worry about it just so you know moving forwar#and they got so fucking angry at me for bringing it up to them and 'calling them transphobic'#and then whenever i replied to anything they said regardless of how clear i communicated - used intent tags or emojis or direct language#they'd say shit like 'i always feel like you're judging everything i say now' even when i was joinging in a silly bit and just chatting#because i once ever so hand holdingly#said that in english that sort of phrase is usually said with transphobic intent but i know that's not what they mean#so i just wanted to make sure they didn't have that miscommunication with anyone else :D#im probably just not going to post this anyways cause i hate the idea of that happening again#but oh well i wrote it up so i guess i'll peer review it before i chicken out
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If you were to make a guess, do you think this current pr issue has made Taylor adjust her plans?
If I had to make a guess, I’d say they are evaluating how they can deal with this without needing to substantially adjust her plans.
#I’m sure she was aware of BM’s politics and expected a certain amount of this#I’m not sure she could have anticipated Trump praising her about it though.#but he’s also posted other Taylor stuff and gotten excited an out swifties for trump and that hasn’t moved her#but this is different because of the game tomorrow#so we’ll see
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congrats to everyone that is still following me after I saw I had way too many followers to not have at least one antisemitic person following me, the fact that you don't think I murder children for fun is truly a comfort
#I wish this was /s but no genuinely#Had 22 followers. Every time I reach past 20 at least one is antisemitic#I now have 15 followers#thanks for not hating me for being born in a country once btw#Like listen I don't mind if you mass reblog propal stuff. That's good#Just please make sure it's not the posts that talk about how israelis are all evil and want to murder everyone#And maybe reblog. One post about how there's a lot of antisemitism in propal spaces#And how you don't want to make the jews on your blog scared or uncomfortable over that#Just one post. It doesn't have to be praising israel bc fuck knows I hate our current government so much#But I see posts about how secular jews in israel are actually european colonizers roleplaying#And I think about how 100 years ago my great grandparents moved here#And how I'm genuinely scared for my sister who is visiting friends in the uk in a month#And how I'm scared for myself if I ever leave this country again#Because apparently me not wanting to die is controversial in all my political spaces#Except for pro israelis leftist spaces#And that's really sad#That I don't feel safe with yall anymore#Idk#I once joined a mcytblr discord server#The first day I'm there someone asks to “censor i/p” and gets the response “just don't look at the vent channel”#So. I looked.#Not a single person in that server cared enough to say “but it's not all israelis” at the people raving about i/p#Like people out there saying I on a personal level would be happy to murder people because of where I was born#I still get squirmy killing spiders that have rather painful bites. I could never hurt another human on purpose#And they just kept agreeing with each other in the most echo-chamber-y way#So. I left that server#And now I barely do mcyt fandom stuff because I'm scared of getting attention#I don't want attention on my blog or on me as a person#Because at least one in 20 followers will cheer if I get murdered#And that's fucking heartbreaking
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funniest aspect of the re-tooled canon introduced with ressie 7 is that wesker, who before RE5 was working towards resurrecting umbrella in his own image by ensuring the old corporation burns in the aftermath of raccoon city (even aiding the trials & the american government in covering up the military’s involvement by posing as a key anonymous witness with all the data he gathered from umbrella’s russian facility/the red queen) & while he might have found some slight success with tricell as they were at the forefront of the federation of pharmaceutical companies (& the BSAA’s major donor, the seeds of their corruption were planted pretty early), in the end the american government (who is essentially the central villain of the franchise & also the real world) had the last laugh when they reinstated umbrella as an anti-bioweapon PMC in ‘07, they succeed where wesker failed & i adore, & i do mean adore, that the final scene of RE7′s main storyline is a shot of a blue umbrella helicopter rescuing ethan & mia set to hopeful music as ethan muses on his future & his reunion with his wife . ‘and these guys are here to clean up the mess.’ he says, followed up by two DLCs where we as chris & joe baker see just how much they’re failing at containing the spread of eveline’s mold eventually covering up the whole affair with aid from the BSAA . it’s so deliciously ironic & speaks to the overarching political commentary of resident evil . i want to learn more about this new umbrella corporation given their (understandable) absence from RE8 outside providing the hound wolf squad with equipment .
#* file // : OOC — ( 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑'𝐒 𝐂𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐀𝐃𝐄 . )#'the more things change the more they stay the same' / 'it's like i'm stuck in a goddamn loop' as ada & leon both say#granted there's also an aspect of lazy writing at play but at least its realistic#(see: the us government bailing out the people responsible for the '08 financial crash)#i am writing a longer post about how i plan to move forward with ressie's political commentary on this blog because ada#has no issue using state power when it benefits her (javier/spain/eastern slav republic) though she makes sure leon's the star#because he is the only government agent she trusts to work towards something more altruistic rather than state interest#probably also the trusted source mentioned in lost in nightmares who hands spencer's location to the BSAA#also need to sit down & like actually talk about how all of resident evil is just CIA ops from the '50s with a fresh coat of paint#i was gonna talk about mknaomi/operation sea spray in the RE6 post but like as a brief aside at the end but it felt out of place#you can't convince me simmons isn't just a dulles brother#am i insane do i sound insane
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Oh boy just found out that politics are coming directly to my conservative college campus this fall.
Yay.
#well thank god I’m cooping so I won’t be there I guess.#I still might drive in to protest because presumably there’ll be one#annother fun session of having people yell transphobic shit while we chant stuff like ���hate has no place here’#if I’m lucky the campus barstool account will post a picture of me at the protest again (this is not a good thing)#also sucks because my parents are just kinda like ‘well that’s how it is. people are allowed to have different political beliefs’#like yeah they can have different political beliefs but I would like to medically transition and these guys want me to not#also I love working with kids and being a camp counselor and stuff#and some of these people would want me arested as a p/e/dofile because I’m trans and indoctrinating their children#so yeah sure they can have different beliefs but they don’t seem to understand that there are certain groups that want trans people gone#honestly my parents are both upper middle class white people. they come from a long line of college educated people in primarily white areas#both of them tend to preach tolerance to the point where I have to have the paradox of tolerance picture on my phone to remind myself that#tolerance is a social contract not a moral principle#(a good example of this is when I found out that a girl on my xc team had to move schools because she was bullied out of my hs#becuase she was homophobic. and he was like ‘well bullying is never the answer’#ok but like you understand that she was probably harassing gay people at my school right)#in conclusion: pro tip for queer students choosing their college: yes they may give you lots of money. but is it worth your mental health
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Saw a post claiming that the Biden memes on here are why Joe Biden is generally not getting as much criticism as he probably should for the bad parts of his agenda, and some offense, but it really seems to me like that doesn't pass the sniff test at all and maybe if you believe this you need to go log off and get some outside air.
#Are we sure it's the memes#Not the same large scale consent manufacturing machine that's been doing that job our entire lives#Well okay my entire life the fall of the Fairness doctrine is where a lot of this stuff gets worse in particular#As well as the post Watergate belief of conservatives that this CANNOT happen to them again#But not the post-watergate belief that they needed to let it not happen by not doing bad shit#At any rate if I were a gambling man I'd put my single crisp US dollar bill down on 'the media' before 'the memes'#For starters 'websites the Biden VP memes circulated on' and 'websites with the best overall impression of him' don't correlate at all#I don't think I can remember any pro-Joe posts in the primaries on this website#But this website is also where I saw the vast majority of my Biden memes#Even still the most love I see for him on here right now is like 'You're gonna have to vote for him again because he'll be the nominee'#I just would like to see a lot more evidence for the memes theory before I believe a much mroe straightforward theory#That the institution of the presidency holds an undue reverence especially in the national press#and as such regularly goes under-questioned and under-critiqued during pretty much every administration of my lifetime#The meme just doesn't seem even remotely powerful enough to move the same amount of belief comparatively#If nothing else it's an absurdly online model of US politics that fails to account for a bunch of other factors#For God's sake they're fawning over GW Bush and his artisitic endeavors and that dude needs to be in the Hague#And I don't remember any pro GWB memes on here to justify that#So something else beyond the memes may be at play here#I really just don't see that the model has any upside whatsoever as an explanation of things#It doesn't explain anything better than more coherent and fleshed out theories of politics#But also does explain several things worse or not at all#Full disclosure there are Biden memes in this blog's history#But the way I feel about him currently is literally entirely unrelated to that#If you wanna look at them and go 'we probably could've and should've known better' I'll give you that#But not 'because of the long term impact it has had'
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I'm a born and bred Parisian. I left the country 10 years ago and never stopped the slander.
When I'm asked why I dislike France so much I just shrug and say "it's full of french people".
It's shorter.
The Least Intimidating bakery in the village has closed for good so now I’ve got to go to the Intimidating Bakery, it’s awful. If you don’t have a PhD in being French I don’t recommend going to that bakery, here’s the humiliating account of the 3 times I’ve visited it so far:
the first time I went in there I pointed at one of those extra-skinny baguettes and said “a flute, please” feeling pretty sure of myself, and the baker said “… that’s a ficelle” (you idiot) (was implied) “a flute is twice as large as a baguette.”
That’s insane, first of all, a flute is a skinny instrument. Call your fat baguette a bassoon, lady—I made some timid remark about how it would make more sense for a flute to be a skinny bread and the baker said, “In Paris it is. I thought you were from the South?”
oh, that hurt
I guess I’m from the part of the South that’s so close to Italy the bread’s waist size matters less than whether it’s got olives in it, but I left the bakery having an existential crisis over whether living in Paris had made me forget my roots
the Least Intimidating Bakery just had normal baguettes vs. seedy baguettes vs. horny baguettes (easy mode, some have seeds, some have horns), while the new bakery has breads that are only different on a molecular level—there’s a good old loaf and then another, identical loaf called a bastard? google told me a bastard is “halfway between a baguette and a bread” but denouncing them like “those are not regulation-sized bastards” would get me banned from the bakery for life
on my 2nd visit (while I stood in line discreetly googling baguette terminology) there was an English tourist who asked for a baguette while pointing at what was either a rustique or a sesame and I felt a bit worried for them, but the baker just clarified “this one?” to waive any responsibility if they found out later it wasn’t a classic baguette, then handed them the bread without educating them in a judgmental tone and I felt envious
I know it’s because she thinks the English are beyond saving but still it made me want to come back with a fake moustache and an English accent so I wouldn’t be expected to play bakery on expert mode just because I’m French. I asked for a pastry this time and the baker asked “no bread with that?” which felt cruel, like she wanted me to sprinkle myself with ashes and admit out loud that my level of bread proficiency isn’t as advanced as I once believed it was
The third time I went, I had lost all self-confidence and I hesitantly pointed at a bread and said “I’d like this, uh—what is it called?” and the baker looked at me in disbelief and said “That’s a baguette.”
God.
for the record, if that stupid bread had been flanked by a skinny bread (ficelle) and a fat one (flute) then yeah of course I would have known to call it a baguette, but in the absence of reference points I now felt lost and scared of being called a Parisian again
it’s hard to express the depth of my suffering so I’ll just let the facts speak for themselves: this morning a French person (me) stood in a French bakery in France surrounded by French people and pointed at a baguette and said “what is this called”
#france#bread#lmao poor op#you need to learn to be a Customer#the customer is always right after all#she picks on you because you show weakness#if she corrects you you should feign polite disinterest#if she makes a comment you ahould make the fakest#most irritated smile#on a couple of occasions you can wait in the queue and then grimace and walk away#tell your order in a disaffected and sure tone#if ordering multiple things#cover the bread first and immediately move on to the next thing#show your resentment at being asked to clarify when you were very clear by pointing
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Uuggghhhh I don’t wanna go to work today
#this weekend has been so exhausting#like one it’s way busier than normal cuz Christmas#but also I think I’ve been yelled at/argued with/threatened more in the past two days#then I have been in the past two months combined#which is like ugh whatever but is also so fucking annoying#I know it’s because ppl think they’re allowed to do whatever the want and also see retail employees as like. punching bags and stress balls#but like dude. my WHOLE JOB is to explain company policy to ppl#like do I actually gaf about company policy? no. but it IS my entire job to explain it to you and I kinda need a job#also like sorry you’re not gonna die if things didn’t go exactly you’re way at the by in bulk store#but like why do you think you’re gonna get you’re way by screaming at me and begging me to make an exception for them#when….. my whole job…….. is to explain the corporate policies to ppl……..#I also like when they tell me I need to go tell corporate to change it because they don’t like it#like man you think they’re gonna listen to ME?#they’re more likely to gaf if you called rather than me (not that that would change it either but the point stands)#and they never like that answer either#I think I’ve had only one or two ppl a day#when I calmly and politely explain they can’t do this thing because of policy go ‘oh okay that’s fine’ and then move on#literally everyone else has thrown a fucking fit about it#and I know it’s cuz it’s so close to Christmas and ppl are feeling entitled#but honestly that pissed me off more#like SUPPOSEDLY this is a season of kindness and generosity and good will#but sure yeah let’s screech and scream at and threaten the retail workers cuz they told you know about something#I’m not surprised these are fucking Americans during the holiday season after all#but oh. my god.#it’s tiring and I want a day off#but I don’t get one until Christmas Eve and that’s when I’ll be at my mom’s FOR Christmas#so it’s not really even a day off#sigh. it’s fine#I’m just annoyed and kinda tired#kaz rambles
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Hmm tomorrow will be a tad awkward....
#it's [redacted]'s birthday so that means I'll probably try to visit her#should write a letter to burn#so it'll reach her#ashes to ashes and all that#but it's like an hour away with the bus is the problem so if I try to get there I'll probably not manage to do much else that day#and I might need the time to study for an exam because starting one day before the thing is a RISKY move#especially in politics class where you probably need like. understanding of constitutions and stuff#it really depends on if I catch a bus there and on if I can catch one back#it's weird really i didn't know you could feel the presence of an absence#we aren't even that close I'm not sure if I'm allowed to act like this#it's just really weird to think about that if things had gone differently we probably would've been a lot closer by now#because I hang out with her close friend group#it's always a bit strange when they start reminiscing and I sit there nodding not really able to contribute a lot#we had that one time we went to the store in at like seven in the evening just the three of us and#i decided to play on the swing of the local playground which was on the way there#and she used to call me a shitty utilitarian I'm also counting that one because there's not much else really. some offhanded conversations#in class and on school trips too#it's weird that she left because I'm not sure if I'm allowed to grieve that or not#we weren't close but we were good i don't know if we were on the line of a friendish something but it feels a little like it#if she had stayed we would've been a lot closer now and I just have that running through my head like a broken record whenever she comes up#not close close#but good with each other#by associations you know?#not that it matters much now anyways whats done was done and there's no going back#thats what happens when you spiral and make a really really bad decision and have success with it and now everyone around you gets to#idk. nobody really gets ti anything. the show went on the world is still moving just the same it's just different sometimes now#haunts the narrative like a ghost fr it's insane at some point it comes up#it was back in April and it still regularly come up in some conversations#wild#personal
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