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in that reading era where nothing less than a 3.5★ book sticks in my head all that much
#i could never really understand it#whenever#i saw people saying that they can’t remember#what’d happened in a book they’d read#a few months ago#or in the same year#or the year before#or longer than that#because somehow i always remembered#all the deets of all the books I'd read#well mostly#but now it's happening to me with the ones#I'd either found avg or better than avg#and it's crazy how i can't recall stuff#I'd read only recently#like wow#reader stuff#i guess#?#as you read more and more?#🙈
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Wild how we know that Elizabeth Woodville was officially appointed to royal councils in her own right during her husband’s reign and fortified the Tower of London in preparation of a siege while 8-months pregnant and had forces gathering at Westminster “in the queen’s name” in 1483 – only for NONE of these things to be even included, let alone explored, in the vast majority of scholarship and historical novels involving her.
#lol I don't remember writing this - I found it when I was searching for something else in my drafts. But it's 100% true so I had to post it.#elizabeth woodville#my post#Imo this is mainly because Elizabeth's negative historiography has always involved both vilification and diminishment in equal measure.#and because her brand of vilification (femme fatale; intriguer) suggests more indirect/“feminine” than legitimate/forceful types of power#It's still bizarre though-you'd think these would be some of the most famous & defining aspects of Elizabeth's life. But apparently not#I guess she only matters when it comes to marrying Edward and Promoting Her Family and scheming against Richard#There is very lacking interest in her beyond those things even in her traditionally negative depictions#And most of her “reassessments” tend to do diminish her so badly she's rendered utterly irrelevant and almost pathetic by the end of it#Even when some of these things *are* mentioned they're never truly emphasized as they should be.#See: her formal appointment in royal councils. It was highly unconventional + entirely unprecedented for queens in the 14th & 15th century#You'd think this would be incredibly important and highlighted when analyzing late medieval queenship in England but apparently not#Historians are more willing to straight-up INVENT positions & roles for so many other late medieval queens/king's mothers that didn't exist#(not getting into this right now it's too long...)#But somehow acknowledging and discussing Elizabeth's ACTUAL formally appointed role is too much for them I guess#She's either subsumed into the general vilification of her family (never mind that they were known as 'the queen's kin' to actual#contemporaries; they were defined by HER not the other way around) or she's rendered utterly insignificant by historians. Often both.#But at the end of the day her individual role and identity often overlooked or downplayed in both scenarios#and ofc I've said this before but - there has literally never been a proper reassessment of Elizabeth's role in 1483-85 TILL DATE#despite the fact that it's such a sensational and well-known time period in medieval England#This isn't even a Wars of the Roses thing. Both Margaret of Anjou and Margaret Beaufort have had multiple different reassessments#of their roles and positions during their respective crises/upheavals by now;#There is simply a distinct lack of interest in reassessing Elizabeth in a similar way and I think this needs to be acknowledged.#Speaking of which - there's also a persistent habit of analyzing her through the context of Margaret of Anjou or Elizabeth of York#(either as a parallel or a foil) rather than as a historical figure in HER OWN RIGHT#that's also too long to get into I just wanted to point it out because I hate it and I think it's utterly senseless#I've so much to say about how all of this affects her portrayal in historical fiction as well but that's going into a whole other tangent#ofc there are other things but these in particular *really* frustrate me#just felt like ranting a bit in the tags because these are all things that I want to individually discuss someday with proper posts...
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#this one's for choso#my baby boi#his kind of devotion is something you could search the world over for and only find once#its not necessarily a good thing in some cases which i find compelling in a character#but im glad a lot of ppl seem to like him. it would be sad for ppl to sleep on him when he does so much for yuuji#somehow he manages to keep from becoming a Plot Device though so mad respect to Gege for that#i love my baby. i would have done more quotes just about him and his mindset but#you cant have choso without his little brothers#its part of who he is#so.#and it does mention i think (and if canon doesnt im hcing it) that he did love his mother as much as he could without really knowing her#if only bc she gave him his brothers#and i read a fic once abt how she tried to protect them even when she was in such a bad situation herself and how choso never forgot that#and always remembered her because of how she fought to protect him and his brothers#so. yeah.#i love choso#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#choso#i will not do him the dishonor of calling him kamo choso he would have despised that#who would want to carry the name of the man who ruined your life and your family and left you festering in your own juices for 150 years?#and we dont know his mom's name so just choso will have to do. its not as though he's ever been unhappy with it. my good boi.#web weaving
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Can't believe I ever disliked The Eye/The Storm when it's truly where Atlantis hit its stride
#stargate#stargate atlantis#sga#sga s1e10#sga s1e11#i think it's because i somehow always used to turn on the tv when those episodes were on#like right now i'm so sick of...i can't even remember which one it is#the episode with Jewel Staite where she's a wraith and then the one where John turns into a bug#because those were always on for a while when i went to watch an episode#i'm sure they're perfectly good episodes but i need to not watch them for a minute lol#the storm was the first episode on when i started work this morning#and it's a really choice set of episodes from here until i'm done for the day#for the most part there are a few duds but oh well
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blocking every fucking idiot on this website that thinks that wwdits queerbait them because nandor and guillermo didn't fuck nasty on the stairs.
YOU'RE ALL FUCKING DUMB.
#wwdits#wwdits s6#wwdits spoilers#you people are so god damned tiring#SO WHAT they didn't kiss#what they did was MUCH more intimate than making out and professing their undying love for each other#NANDOR BUILT A SECRET LAIR JUST FOR HIM AND GUILLERMO?????#ARE YOU KIDDING ME????????#also: this show was always about found family AND THAT'S HOW IT ENDED#you fucking dumbshits#guillermo and nandor may have been a lot of the drama of that#but ultimately it was about family and not whether two characters were going to get together ON SCREEN#IT DOESN'T MATTER#that was never the fucking point#y'all latched on to this ship and determined that an entirely queer set of characters somehow queerbait you because 2 of them didn't kiss??#like maybe you should have actually watched the finale and PAID ATTENTION#because you need to grow up#AND REMEMBER THAT THE FOUNDATION OF THIS SHOW IS THAT IT'S JUST A SILLY FUCKED UP VAMPIRE SHOW#THAT IS OUTRAGEOUSLY FUNNY AND SWEET AND GROSS AND WONDERFUL#but it was NEVER anything but a fart and shit gag show#like my god#(and i say all of this as someone who has shipped these two characters since day *one*)#(so kiss my actual bisexual ass motherfuckers)
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Is anyone ever curious about why the house that takashi's parents owned was never taken over by any youkai, even when it has been abandoned for years, when this series has given us plenty examples of youkai inhabiting a human's dwelling, whether there were still humans living there or not (and either because they like the house, or they just want to mess with humans)? I do wonder if this is relevant to the main plot in some way (like the natsume family name being a ward on its own, hence youkai naturally avoided takashi's parents' house as a result, or if someone had set up wards when the house was built that are still up and functioning to this date, in which case, the question is who would go to that length to protect the natsume family)?
#don't mind me! this has always been on the back of my mind ever since i binge-watched the anime... and i only remembered to type it now :o#i just find it interesting though. we've seen several stories about youkai inviting themselves into a person's home but somehow the old#and abandoned natsume house was the only exception among them? when it's been empty for maybe 10 years with no one looking after it daily?#i might be reaching though. with the packed lore in this three-chapter section there'd be no way for midorikawa to squeeze in another youkai#to haunt the house. or it might just be free from youkai just because. i just found it odd. especially with how youkai were introduced here#natsume yuujinchou#natsuyuu#natsume's book of friends#natsuyuu manga#natsume takashi#nyanko sensei
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Tommy looks at the forest, the others shuffling anxiously behind him
It has been expanding (well, it was expanding from the first day) but it finally got big enough for someone else to notice he guesses. It only took them three months
He's not quite sure how they made the connection with Dream tho. They're right, but he has no clue how someone who didn't see it would know that Dream is at the center of this
(They probably just assumed. It's almost tradition at this point to blame everything on Dream)
The group of manhunters, about 10-ish people with Sapnap and Quackity in the front, look as prepared for a fight as they could be, their netherite armor shining like beetle wings in the sun
(Except Wilbur, who has nothing but his clothes and his cigarettes)
...if Tommy decides to lead them into the forest he's leading them to their deaths.
The armor is heavy and noisy. It shines obnoxiously in a way that would make it easy to spot on the pale oak even if they did manage to climb into a branch without letting every single creaking in the forest know exactly where they are, and it's too heavy to climb the dark oak trees
No one seems to have any invisibility potions either. He spots healing and regeneration and weakness and instant damage but no invisibility or night vision
He can help them with their search for Dream and by doing so he'll seal their fates.
"Tommy? Ready to go?"
Quackity catches his attention and Tommy turns to him
...he remembers afternoon after afternoon spent trailing after Wilbur as he and Quackity did. Whatever the fuck they were doing. Their weird sex rituals or whatever.
(He remembers watching The One That Bleeds, his wounds never healing as he sobs, crawling out of the blood oak, red roses tangled into his white hair. The burned brand on his back always seems fresh and it makes Tommy want to gag. He hopes that one is Dream's ghost. It seems too cruel for it to be him)
Tommy nods, walking into the forest, the fog welcoming him as an old friend as lillies of the valley grow angrily in-between his curls
He'll warn Tubbo and Fundy about the monsters and the false trees with guts and the flowers and the things that scream. Maybe Sapnap even. The rest of them? It was time for them to get a scare.
#the dog barks#'should I lead my friends(?) to their deaths?' *remembers being forced to babysit tntduo while they flirt* 'yes I should'#dreblr#more nonsence snippets#from the same thing as dream burryibg his heart#two things that look likr Dream can crawl out of the tree (that tommy calls the blood oak)#The One That Bleeds who has Dream's heart but is always wounded#and The One Who Fights that has a creaking heart where his should be#tommy's guess is that one of those two is Dream's ghost and the other is him but fucked up somehow#hes trying to figure out which#The One Who Bleeds has roses on its hair and The One Who Fights has creaking flowers#Tommy perhaps got too close to the blood oak when he shouldn't so now theres lillies of the valley growing on his hair#he pushes them back with the bandana an no one really notices#c!dream#c!tommy#i wont tag everyobr else because theyre just mentioned here#dsmp au#god of the forest#the scrolls
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The unmistakable sound of footsteps approaching begins to fill the air. Whoever is coming seems to have brought some company along…
They are getting closer… and closer… and closer…
…and closer…
……until..................
"Goooooood evenin'!!" Comes the loud greeting from a certain blond man. A big smile on his face and all.
"We beg your pardon for our prolonged absence. It was completely beyond our control..." Then adds the gentleman standing by his side, apologizing on behalf of both, offering a genuine smile along with the apology.
"...BUT! We're back!" And hopefully for good this time…
#[HI HIIIIIII~~ HOW'S EVERYONE DOING?? 8)]#[IDK IF ANYONE REMEMBERS ME OR MY MUSES ANYMORE?? BUT HELLOOO]#[one million years later but we're backkkkkk]#[i'd like to start by apologizing for completely disappearing for months without any announcement]#[life has been far from kind all this year so far and this has greatly and negatively impacted me emotionally]#[like..very VERY badly (harmful stuff and etc)]#[all to a point where i've had to take some time off from most social media]#[and which is also why i haven't checked or replied to any messages anywhere in a while]#[not that i'm the most social and most active person ever but you get what i mean here ;v;]#[the original plan was to come back here like a month or so ago but as you can guess i was unable to due to the same irl issues]#[i'm not gonna lie i'm still not doing well]#[but i wanted to come back or at least try to]#[since writing for these two and the ogre street guys always brings me joy and i also missed everyone here!]#[i'm still unsure if dropping threads will be the way to go for now or not#because i have no idea if my partners are still interested in any threads we had prior my unannounced hiatus]#[or if anyone's still interested in interacting with me and my muses again ;v;]#[so if we have ongoing threads i'll likely be jumping into your IMs over the course of the days to ask about it]#[i just need to check my thread tracker first because i can't remember what i owed last time ;;;;;;]#[as always: we can start new stuff any time in case you're no longer feeling whatever threads we had]#[and we can also start from scratch if that's best too]#[so no worries there!]#[enough blablah from me for now]#[i missed you all so much!]#[and to the new followers this blog somehow earned in my absence: Hi!! Thank you for following and I hope we can interact soon!!]#[hope everyone has been doing great during my absence!! <3]#;speedwagon says (( ic ))#;jonathan says (( ic ))#;ic#(??#;speedwagon withdraws coolly
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I have calmed down significantly I think. I'm a little bit nervous to post about Zooble but they're my partner and I don't want tk just Not post about them so I'm going to try and go back to my usual posting
#I at least know it wasn't someone on tumblr#if they were on tumblr they would've just gone in my asks instead of my strawpage#it does kind of suck knowing that my strawpage has just become the place where people go to send me hate#I'm always nervous to check it because there's a 50/50 chance it's going to be something normal or hate anons#I should probably turn review mode on for gimmicks (at least fkr now)#< let's see if I remember to do that lol#my paranoia is still pretty bsd though#it's to the point thag it's like. unrealistic but I can't convince myself of that#being self aware and having whatever mentall illness(es) I have is annoying#like I know it's unrealistic to think I can't even just cuddle with my Zooble plush because this person will see me somehow#but I no matter how many times I tell myself that it doesn't stop me from worrying about it#idk. this just Really could not have happened at a worse time
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i don't get people saying that they ruined alicent because they made her "grovel" at rhaenyra's feet in the last episode... erm, what did rhaenyra do on 2x03? didn't she grovel too? 🤷♀️ she literally was begging alicent for a way out of this war.
#house of the dragon#rhaenicent#like ok she nodded at rhaenyra talking about taking aegon's head#but this is about alicent abandoning compromission more than anything#as rhaenyra says because alicent has always thought she could have it all#like have her son on the throne but somehow save rhaenyra#it's impossible#i feel like people give this conversation so much importance because it's in the finale#but let's remember it wasn't meant to be#alicent still has no power she still has no power to make aegon or even helaena do anything#and she has no power to stop this war
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.~
#not a vent just a journal entry (feel free to scroll past; there is no snz here and this is also not that interesting)#realizing now that i never thought of myself as#someone whose absence would register to others in any other way than just neutral/detached recognition?#phrasing this really badly and i am truly going to delete this later bc it is embarrassing LOL#i think when i was young and posting all this fic into questionable places (the f*rum) i was like#(@ an unfinished work of mine) no way anyone could be bothered by these cliffhangers 👍 they can just imagine the ending#even though i would frequently be bothered by other people's cliffhangers. that exact same principle just wouldn't apply to me in my head#and when i did not respond to people i was like.. i'm sure i wasn't really an important part of their lives so they won't mind it#if i stepped away?#i never really entertained the concept of people missing me or looking forward to my responses 😭 i never thought of myself as someone worth#missing... so when i disappeared it was always with little to no sense of guilt. i think even now i struggle with#seeing myself as someone that inhabits like a tangible enough space in other people's lives that my absence would be felt#(and i don't mean that in a morbid way. and i do recognize that it's quite hypocritical)#on the flipside of things i frequently miss people and look forward to their responses. and sometimes i wonder like#do they all know? do they all know that i miss them because they somehow understand this aspect of human nature better than i do?#or are they in the dark like i am? are these things assumed or are they only known when they are said... 😭#i am a little bit of a coward so i am not saying anything (also because can you even say this kind of thing to someone??#i would probably die of embarrassment) but#how strange it is to have someone suddenly inhabit a space in your life that is substantial enough that#when they're gone you feel that space open up and you miss them#the few times in my life people have conveyed that sentiment to me i remember feeling puzzled that my presence could have that kind of#weight to them. i think my problem is that i purposefully do not read between the lines if the conclusion is something favorable towards me#because i don't want to bank on something good that might or might not be true 😭 anyways this is way too long already. if you read this#then good morning or goodnight
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just remembered that back while the metal virus arc was happening there was a Lot of discourse about whether or not that whole thing was sonics fault because he let mr tinker go . and looking back i think its kind of strange that some people were mad that, in a long running franchise where the main villain always has to come back no matter how many times hes defeated, sonic and shadow didnt just kill eggman or something. like you understand why they couldnt do that from a writing perspective right
#and even if sonic DID make a different choice in that whole situation#and did something other than just letting mr tinker chill in that village and hope he doesnt get his memory back#eggman STILL would have come back somehow. because he always does he always has to its like a law of the universe or whatever#actually if i remember correctly they did kill eggman for real in archie once. but they still found a way to bring him back later#i dont remember the exact details . but i highly doubt they could get away with something like that in idw anyway#metal virus#< taggingfor blacklist
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hey. everyone. do you remember the pandemic? remember the year and half, two years, still ongoing for many? the worldwide horrific illness with lasting effects on everyone's psyche's and a great tragic many's physical health, forever? it happened like, oh, five years ago now? remember that guys?
#i was very lucky my family was VERY luck#but i'm just thinking and having my millionth 'hey wait the pandemic fucked me up' moment#IT HAS BEEN FIVE YEARS. FIRST OF ALL. SECOND OF ALL I DON'T REMEMBER BEING 14 OR 15 OR 16.#i was a fresh 14 year old and then i was 17. i remember a few months of being obsessed with the magnus archives and other podcasts.#i don't remember playing my instrument except that i felt like i stagnated incredibly. and i did.#and now i have a new thing to be mad at because my first year in a real orchestra doesn't count because it was fucking online.#i auditioned on zoom. we just had weekly zooms. once a week play for a guy on my dad's phone. and he had to get to everyone else#so it's not like he could really help any of us that much.#and it's not worth thinking about but i'm letting myself think about it a bit what the hell. I NEVER REALIZED ANY OF THIS SHIT BEFORE.#many of the people i go to school with now had infinitely more resources than i did by virtue of going to established magnet music schools#or having musicians in the family. so while we all fucking had a rough time educationally#they had institutions and family behind them.#i'm just a little bit more mad about that. another thing to stupidly irrationally think 'that's not fair' about#it's not fair but it's not about fair and right now it doesn't matter anymore#i'm here just like them and i earned it and i earn it every day.#one day i'll figure out how to stop vaguely hating everyone just a little bit. one day i'll figure out how to be a better person.#i'm trying. but this is the first time i realized this today so i'm letting myself be a little bit mad#without hating myself for it too much#bluebird.txt#would i have felt like an untrained dog like a failure of a human being if i had gotten to have those two years of high school?#i don't think so because my parents are the way they are and somehow i am their child that is the most but also the least like them#and i don't always like it.#i don't think it would've been different. but i will never ever know.#no one will.#sorry chat i just had a huge realization about the course of my life 👍🏼
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it's only been two weeks of me trying it out, but i don't think i will lie if i say that starting to do little workouts during breaks at work was one of the best decisions of mine. all things considered. not only do i generally feel better after that, i also get more energy to then do my chinese lessons
#and that one break where i did the workout + did the lessons + managed to fell asleep for the last 15 minutes of it#was somehow the best break i ever had#besides this gives me an opportunity to workout more regularly even if just a little (stretching and moving is good for you i know right)#since before i took the 2 months long hiatus from working out because it was EXTREMELY HOT#i always felt a bit sad that i can't keep up regular work outs (the average ones i do at home) mostly because of work#just no time of energy to do them between shifts#and then not every day off i would manage to even remember to do anything#but on breaks? revolutionary#i never thought about it because i don't think#not twice not even once bestie#chattering
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Pictures and things
#photo diary#image 1 - pretty sky!.. so many sky photos as always#2 & 3 - baby son keeping me company during one of my Sickness days where I kind of just sit on the floor in a blanket#for hours slowly sipping pedialyte and having applesauce and such lol#He likes to bite the squeezy apple sauce pouches.. and try to steal the heating pad#4. Sky again. lighter more scattered fluffy clouds.#5 - greeting card that I drew at someone's request so they could send it to their elderly family member lol.. It's like.. cats baking#in a kitchen I guess? My eternal curse.. being the number one lover of cats in the world yet still somehow barely having a grasp#on their anatomy so they always look ridiculous when I draw them. I have both drawn and looked at cats for my entire life basically#yet somehow those two things do not come together to make me a good cat artist.. alas..#6 - underpart of an outfit I did (and havent yet posted of course because of my evil backlog of onemillion drafted posts)#I took the main dress off the top but thought the underneath part looked cool on it's own as well#7 - more sky.#8 - Mushroom fettucini alfredo. steak. and grilled asparagus. A fun little meal for me though I can't remember the occasion. I think maybe#as a reward for getting my covid booster or something. Though I still feel it's not as much of a reward when I am personally cooking#everything myself at home gjhbjh.. so its like... I'm having to do quite a lot of labor which makes it feel less relaxing I suppose. but eh#a treat in some form. Still cheaper by overall cost than ordering from a restaurant - and also can be customized and prepared#exactly how I like - which is the point. I guess more I just wish I weren't the only cooking person in the house. Everyone could#take turns making special meals for each other rather than like.. ''hmm I feel like having a treat. suppose I shall spend an hour#making it all myself and then feel tired whilst eating it'' lol.. ANYWAY#9 - and then.. you guessed it..MORE sky pictures!!! This time pinky bluey and so on.. huzzah..#A very sky heavy entry into the photo diaries I suppose#The sky in the 1st/7th image is jsut very ethereal seeming to me. something about the way the lighting is behind the clouds. It's#transportive. An interesting sky will make me feel like many other places in time or things I've seen in dreams or something. You get#a sense of being in a different world or like you're looking out over something you once imagined whilst reading a storybook. maybe lol
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.
#my psych who prescribes my psych meds is a resident and is moving on in a couple of months#i don't even remember the names of them all at this point#this happens over and over and I cannot find a clinic that will put me with someone who intends to stay#thst will also prescribe my adhd meds#and my anxiety meds#and the real kicker is that twice now they have LIED about it and said they would#only to reveal after all the hoop-jumping that oops sorry they didn't really mean it#so it's a risk i have to take any time i leave#and rhen there's the issue of new people almost always wanting to DO something#but instead of talking to me about it they just decide that my meds need overhauling and pressure me to go off shit that works#but that they morally object to i guess#and my psych for some stupid reason has decided she wants bloodwork for my cholesterol and blood sugar stuff and im just like#what hell does THIS presage because if she harasses me about the results or tries to put me on drugs for that#I'll give her a nasty scrap about it#im not interested in those meds at all#and im certainly not messing with my diet since food is the only pleasure i get most days and even that is marginal at best#and removing that would just make me worse#but medpros for the most part really don't give a fuck about that#and so now im afraid - because i do not and cannot trust them - that if i disapprove of the meds they will retaliate somehow#which good luck proving that when management and oversight often don't even care if they course of treatment will HARM you#if it relates to being fat or having bad numbers#they just gotta pathologize!#so yeah im sick of everything and just kind of want to bury myself in a bog forever#i shouldn't have to deal with this
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