#because rn. well. hm.
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the poetry behind my phone buzzing and my immediate reaction being "OH YOU'RE TEXTING BACK YOU'RE TALKING SHIT YOU'RE DENYING" and the reality being my mood tracking journal saying "you haven't updated in x amount of days" is truly.... something
#this blog was supposed to be a recovery journal not a decline journal#oops i guess#anyways. aunt has discussed smoking with me#and now i am currently drunk#im not as bad as i (may) seem#i just forget to post when sober#however#thank god i have 0 followers rn#because DAMN am I on the downhill#and while I realize it now#i hope something deeper and more powerful within me recognizes it soon and takes over#because rn. well. hm.#i may be a semi-normal college kid#or I may be Much Worse.
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Drew this real quick because I fucking love these two so much ???? Especially Bee. I wish they interacted more so badly. PLEASE.
Also learning how to draw these guys.. slowly.
#IT WILL NEVER NOT BE FUNNY TO ME HOW DELIGHTED B GOT ??? FOR VIOLENCE?#the brainrotsreal's art tag ✧˖°:*♡#like okay you have d17/megatron okay#d17 got consumed by vengeance. iconic of him. you SEE him grow more ruthless/ violent........AND THEN YOU HAVE B 127#he got knife hands for 0.00937 seconds and immediately KILLED PEOPLE SO EASILY IM SCREAMING SDJKJSDS#did by accident and then did it gleefully. AND SO WELL TOO LIKE ???? bro got that hunger for violence ig. got that delight.#i wish we got to see d17 and b127 interact more cause imagine b got his knife hands early and d17 was like.... alright start stabbing#and b127 is LONELY. mf is deprived of interaction and CLEARLY clingy. i see him telling d17 to stand down so he isn't hurt.#not necessarily because he has the SAME morals as orion/optimus#like look me in my eye. tell me if d17 didn't say something like “needing an ally not a leader” (friendship bait)#AND UR TELLING ME BEE WOULDN'T FOLD AND HELP HIM? HM? HMMMMMMMM?#like i feel like b's morals are mostly match whoever he's around. if he was around d-17 more? WELP? let's assassinate together bestie!#anyways optimus and elita gotta watch b fr cause mf is already an incredible ally on the battle field SDKJKDSS#like just tell him where to go and that place would DESTROYED. NO WITNESSEES LEFT. LIKE HELLO#transformers one my beloved#d 16#megatron#tf one#tf one megatron#tf one b 127#b 127#transformers one fanart#never know how many actual tags to use istg.#imagine being isolated for years and all that shit went down like what is going on in b's brain rn. mf got 3 friends and then lost one#SO QUICKLY
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danny and officer martinez's relationship in "late at night, when the nightingale sings" in a nutshell:
Martinez: FREAK! GET YOUR FUCKING KID!
Battinson, on the other side of the crime scene: he don't bite
Martinez, with Nightingale firmly attached his arm, visibly biting him: YES HE DO!
*points at them* Danny is the Bugs Bunny to Martinez's Elmer Fudd.
Another Officer: i can't believe you're fighting with an actual twelve year old. Martinez: i swear to god that is not a twelve year old, that is a little hellion that crawled out of batman's shadow one dark and stormy night and decided to dedicate his existence to tormenting me. Officer: Are you really that mad about him putting a sticky note on your back-- Martinez: thats not the point
in danny's defense: the word "freak" is. a mini beserker button for him for.... obvious ghostly reasons, so like, even if its not directed at him, he still very much unappreciates Martinez's insults at Battinson. Danny may or may not be projecting.
he's not going to hurt the guy! not in any serious or permanently disfiguring way at least! But he is going to leave mean sticky notes on the square part of his spine that he can't reach, and stick salt in his 3AM Late Night Crime Scene Coffee, and kick the bottom of his heel while he's walking so he stumbles. And other petty, infuriating things that tally up and boil over, over time.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#blood blossom au#dpxdc memes#dpxdc au#the only thing martinez is right about is the fact that danny is. in fact. NOT twelve.#he's just shrimpy because he's half-dead#there's eventually a 'martinez vs nightingale' board in the precinct called the beef board. it tallies every time one of them gets got by#the other. danny is currently in the lead by a wide margin. martinez is very limited in what he can do bc of multiple reasons. but one#of them is the fact that batman HAS punched a cop before. three actually. and he won't hesitate to punch another if martinez actually did#anything to harm nightingale. and also nightingale shows up so rarely and doesnt stick around long enough for martinez to retaliate#or properly plan ahead. its kinda a wild card whether or not nightingale pops up on the scene.#nightingale: i am just a little guy!! the littlest of boy!! baddabing-baddaboom! you wouldn't do nothin to a little guy would'ya?#battinson who atp knows full well that if it werent for the blood blossom danny could turn martinez into a red smear: *would you?*#danny: if it werent for the laws of this land i would have committed acts of violence against You Specifically :)#and also like. every single other officer insulting batman and callin him a freak. they're not safe either martinez is just the poor sucker#that i have a name to give the face to#danny's a good kid but also i don't picture him totally.. hm... mentally stable? he's a little spicy. as a treat.#he's kind at his core but also he found his family's corpses and was isolated from society for 4 months by his abusive godfather and was#poisoned with quite literally the only toxin capable of destroying him entirely and can no longer (currently) use his powers without dying#instantly. so he's! he's doing his best! like between being chaotic and being kind he's def gonna choose being kind but also.#he's living on borrowed time and is in a constant active state of being slowly eaten alive by his own bloodstream. it weighs on ya psyche#danny's barely even processed his family's death and now he's got all this other trauma stacked on top to address. he is Windows EXP rn#tormenting martinez is just. an itty bitty way he can let loose some of the stress he's ignoring.#considering danny's alternate timeline was: world annihilation. he thinks he's doing pretty well all things considered
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look i know this month has been crazy already in what has been going on for me BUT IT GETS CRAZIER... I got to finally have my constant pain I've had for two years diagnosed... I have fibromyalgia lol i have a chronic illness??😭😭
tbf it doesn't change anything i was already coping with these pains because I've been sitting with em for 2 years i just have anti depressants now but you know what has changed... my character lore GOT SICK AS FUCK!!!!!!!🦅🦅🦅🦅 (lighthearted)
#not art#i feel like someones oc rn#wdym i have a higher sense of pain and i feel physical pain when i get stressed that sounds like what i did to my ocs at 10 for lore LMAO#on top of that i got told i have hyperelasticity and got told... hm yeah thats probably why you wear glasses#THEN HE PROCEEDS TO EXPLAIN EXACTLY WHAT HAS BEEN WRONG WITH MY EYES FOR YEARS WHAT THE FUCK#born to be blind ig i guess it wasnt that damn phone after all/joke#not gonna lie i kinda saw fibromyalgia coming because my family does have a history of it but still damn#im taking it pretty well rn but i was very mortified at the prospect of a chronic illness but. whatever im already coping well#AGAIN THIS DOES NOT CHANGE ANYTHING LOL i just think its crazy as hell#character lore got sick as hell this month i got into a car crash them boom you have chronic illness that is basically a disability#also you have funny nerves hehe you can stretch funny AND THAT MAKES YOU BLIND#i feel like someones oc#(not reallt a car crash almost was but. MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN WITH HOW I WAS LEFT???)
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#sorry for the 3 jokers jumpscare.#but it makes sense here.#btw i also like the tfz take of jay being a bit more aware and saying that bruce did not make him. he raised him#and i don't think that jason's belief that bruce made him is a fixed and consistent part of his outlook re: his past#i think it fluctuates a lot. because jason does like to think of himself as completely independent and autonomous as well.#hm.. idk i was going to add a lot more here but i like how it looks rn.#dc#web weaves#phantom pains#jay.zip#jay.txt#jason todd
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If you want actually good BL reccs, I've been reading Cherry Magic recently and it's v sweet.
I also read this other one a while ago that was wholesome in a weird way: "My quiet best friend's just tongue-tied"
dude do u know what this ask feels like? like... me: *puts down the toxic high school BL midway through* *heavy sigh* *takes a swig of lavender lemonade* why tf all these yaois so damm .. i don't know. sigh. this is a young man's game. maybe i'm not fit for this no mores anon: hey so i heard u like wholesome and probably not teens *slides recs over* me: either i am unbelievably easy to read or you're just a seasoned BL sommelier. thank u dearly, anon
#not nu🦀#i am having a very good time with cherry magic rn#i read the tongue-tied one first bc i liked the look of the art more#and it was shorter. so. i figured i could finish it quick *rubs palms*#BUT DUDE i see what you mean by 'weird wholesome' for that one#because there were several times when i was side-eyeing severely. they about to make me walk away..#and even more times i wanted to slap protag upside the head#IDIOCY AND IGNORANCE HAVE THEIR LIMITS. YOU ARE BEYOND HOPE#but i still finished it which means that ur rec was COMPLETED and thus a SUCCESS#then i looked at cherry magic like. hm. idk bro. this art isn't really jamming with me#(2.6 minutes later) DUDE I LOVE THIS IT IS LIGHTING UP MY LIFE AND REINVIGORATING MY ANCIENT JOINTS#it is also much longer than i expected. which is GREAT bc then i get more silly 30 year olds falling in doki#me ringing the bell like um. excuse me. when do i get my wizard powers? or does (XYZ) count as *censored* and thus disqualify me? 😂#today i confirm that i should trust internet anon instead of my local library. er. at least regarding gay little love stories#i say CONFIRM because i done knew. but. well. we can learn the same thing over and over i guess#feesh answer
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#saw a friend today who decided on having kids now that she's getting married to her longtime boyfriend#i deeply appreciate that friend but i never got on board with how she speaks so matter-of-factly of having a baby#bc she believes she 'owes' her significantly older bf#another motivation seems to be that she just wants to be done with her job and become a sahm (crossong myself)#also shes annoyed by other kids but bought into the idea that 'it's different once they're yours'#well yeah for life and death reasons not because your child suddenly becomes a ray of sunshine 24/7#idk idk i see how she could manage somehow but she gets easily overwhelmed and dissatisfied as it is&says she doesn't have any savings so.#hm. worried.#also wanting to become pregnant to have a reason to stop smoking as if there aren't so many pregnant women smoking right this second#between this and my friend who keeps dating mentally unstable men in order to have a kid despite a risk of maternal death#and a another befriended couple that seems to be head over heels for getting pregnant asap despite some red flags#it feels very very isolating to be a woman right now#oh i forgot to vent that friend a seems to reject it when i say that statistically it can take like a year to get pregnant#and she also doesn't want to get tested.#like i get that since im not planning on kids rn and took active steps for birth control im more aware of the risks and statistics#but it's worrying how little some people want to think about things like money mental health physical etc before having kids
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trying to write horror so i put on a playlist of unsettling ass music but then i proceeded to open tumblr and have just been sitting here scrolling listening to theremin music and drippy tunnel noises
#occasionally theres a scream as well. howling wolves. ghostly moans#hm why am i feeling so anxious and off rn . well maybe it is because im listening to Music To Torture People To#my doc is open. it is just. in the background atm#writing has been like pulling teeth lately why wont my words EXIST. ON THE PAGE#vin.txt
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:O thanks for the tag @ravenatural
10 Characters, 10 Fandoms, 10 Tags!
not in order, but:
Kirishima Eijirou (BNHA)
Sean Datz (Undead Unluck)
Joseph Joestar (Jojo's Bizarre Adventure)
Yamaguchi Tadashi (Haikyuu!!)
Arisugawa Juri (Revolutionary Girl Utena)
Millie Thompson (Trigun)
Stark (Sousou no Frieren)
Hunk (Voltron: Legendary Defender)
Levy McGarden (Fairy Tail)
Alex Louis Armstrong (Fullmetal Alchemist)
tagging! @kawaiijohn @creamsodaprince @sheepheadfred @basedstoutland @ln-ofx @grub-xd @sinclairsolutions @themockingcrows @ghost-pasta @cleanlenins
#ask game#i put last names first for some bc i watch anime subbed most of the time so it doesn't feel right to not do that kjdhfgdgf#except sean! but that's bc the manga flips which name goes first based on country of origin for the characters#anime-only undead unluck fans don't look at me#HE'S [redacted for manga spoilers]#hm actually there's more exceptions than rule. ah well#didnt include mr longnose but that's just because he's an obvious one from how much he dominates my blog rn kdjhfgdf
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I'm so fucking excited to get all this outstanding work done, and for tax season to fuck off. I cannot wait to have more time to play games with pals, go out with friends whom I haven't seen in a few months....go to some random meetups to meet new ppl and create new connections (and perhaps snag me a new person wink wonk LMAO).
And just...have more time to live. To stop feeling as lonely as I am feeling rn. CAUSE HOO BOY, it's been hitting me hard. And I can't do too much about it CAUSE of the deadlines I need to meet!
#I have learned my lesson: no more zines. or rather. no more modding zines#as much as I love you grizz zine. the amount of work you have placed on my shoulders is too much. heck. the other mods have it worse#I dont enjoy doing overtime and coming home to work on the art for the zine that I really should have had help with :')#27 spots...thats way too much for me at least. my hands are struggling and I am getting flare ups again. and I am not including the notes#I legit havent drawn anything for me in months because of this and I just wanna draw abby n pilos cuddling!!!!!! LMAO#and I so badly want to reach out to ppl to play games with and I cant cause Im either WORKING or WORKING#I really want to stream games again too.....I REALLY want to play 999 with someone :'))))))))))) would be a fun game to share......#and the cube escape game too#AUGH I HATE BEING SO BUSY AND ALONE SOMETIMES LMAO. IDM being single but this is an instance where a partner would be nice to have to blab#but ye I am so excited for may. most things will be done and work will still be rough but more manageable!#so ye. IM so sorry if you read all this I just like talking. and I dont really have anyone to talk to rn except myself XD#(ye ye I could reach out to ppl but hm. well I am tbh LOL. but ya know. busy. haha)#also typing has been really painful lately. the only reason why these tags are ending is cause my hands are numb from typing. :')))))))))))#ok goodnight
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me making myself a fae in the worldbuild: :D
me when i realize im going to have to somehow mix my own personal way of speaking with the fae speech styles: .... D:
#its not actually all that bad though fdsjkl#its just a bit of a puzzle#the way i talk normally does not mix well w the fae etiquette rules buuut it also doesnt have to be perfect#because 1) nobody knows these rules except for me (one friend knows a little bit but not all of it fsjkl) and 2) Dandy is an outcast LOL#so theyre gonna be a little weird compared to the other fae#speaking of. i need to figure out which of my five billion notebooks has all the fae etiquette notes written in it so i can refresh myself#on all the intricacies and rules fhdskl. hm. im gonna have to do some digging to find that RIP#i think i typed out a digital copy last year at some point though (just in case i lost the notebook which... seems possible rn HFSDJKL)#ANYWAYS YAYYY I LOVE WORLDBUILDING I LOVE CHARACTER DESIGN I LOVE CHARACTER VOICES AND SPEECH PATTERNS#but also OUGH they are so difficult to nail down sometimes#dandy.cmd
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they need to make books with gay people in them that don’t suck
#trying 2 think of the last one i liked. well i loved htn but i can’t recommend it to people#because i think gtn is like objectively bad. also the more time i sit with atn the more i’m like hm. forgettable#anyway! scrolling through my goodreads rn it’s pretty dire#this post brought to u by the book i’m reading right now which I’m disliking more and more the more of it i read. sad!
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ok ok when i fuckng. write this course work i will i will do another magma bord ok
#peer pressuring myself#bc by god#i thot anxiety was not letting me accomplish shit#turns out#i ignore tasks spectacularly even without it kxc jxcjxc#like maybe if i promise myself a lil treat#and actually see thru i don't get it before i complete the task#because im a smartass#i will promise myself a snack for completing a task and then go#hm well i can just actually get it rn i have free will:))#well anyway you get it WHY ARE TASKS NOT TASKING👿 GET TAE FUCK
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this is a stupid question but what are you supposed to do when you try to put an earring in and your ear starts bleeding, like a lot. hypothetically. if someone was apparently too stupid to put an earring in right, or something. and if that someone had a habit of fainting when seeing or thinking about wounds/injuries of any kind. the hypothetical piercing is like 3 months old and healed, but still a little sensitive.
#my earlobe is covered in blood#i think its fine because it doesn't hurt but it just looks. like. a lot of blood. and I'm alone rn so I can't. really.. look at it?#but it's a lot of blood. I think it should be fine until my partner gets home? right? I just poked the inside of the piercing hole a#little I think#fuck this would be no big deal to literally anyone else and I can't even handle something this small#oh now it hurts. hmm. well I'm. hm. yeah this is just great
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the thing is if i was presented with the opportunity to be reckless rn i'd take it immediately but i have not put myself in any situations so far where i would now be presented with the opportunity to be reckless does this make sense like i would take the opportunity i want the opportunity but i think i need to have made different decisions leading up to now to have the opportunity presented to me..............
#anyway maybe tomorrow night i'll go to a gig and make friends with someone#or friday or saturday#and it's not really being reckless because it's like . well i would think it through . i'd just do it anyway .#idk . i'm kind of tired maybe i'll just sleep . i'm just stressed about tomorrow icl#i don't know what to do and i know i'll lose it if i don't do anything#and i would love to be able 2 go oh i'll just be cosy and comfy and read or smth but i have worked out that being @ home#when i have a roommate ? is not actually all that chill........#not through any fault of hers just the fact that it's not reallyyyyy my space it's Our space#maybe god will be kind and i'll get a message tomorrow morning asking if i can work bc i don't have uni rn#idk . idk idk idk idk idk . hm . no it'll be good worst comes to worst i'll just go for a very long walk.............. <3#i really like doing things by myself i just don't know what to DO i need to be able to write again but everything i write has been SHIT#oh well it'll be gorgeous and beautiful and who knows it could be an incredible day <3 there's always a possibility <3
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the thing about ty blackthorn is simply that he is a delusional little freak and then also. crucially. he’s also right is the thing. so forgive me for being insane about that guy, you have to understand i’m under circumstances that would make anyone act like this. and unfortunately i met him when i was 14.
#i’m sitting here listening to this breakup song thinking. this is so ty. except he’s not that sad about it because he KNOWS it’s not over#and then i was like huh. that’s insane behavior only a crazy person thinks like that. but he’s right. so now i’m like. yeah thats the appea#beth.txt#ty#kit’s like i don’t want to talk to you anymore. and ty’s like hm don’t worry you’ll come around soon. and kit’s like NO I WONT. and ty’s#like ok sure…. you will. and kit’s like ok but NOT right now#when characters are just freaks about each other.#ok i have to go to work. ew. i’m so tired i could literally sleep for one thousand hours rn but oh well.
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