#because plaid refuses to upgrade when their tape player works perfectly

[a5tr0n0m1cal]

If you’ve got the time, I’d love to get a match with any one of your amazing bois! 

Personality-wise, I’m usually low-key and chill, although I can be energetic/outgoing if I’m in a good mood. I love to laugh and like to make others laugh as well. I’m socially introverted, preferring one-on-one hangouts, and I highly value alone time and avoid crowds in general. Unsurprisingly, I’m a homebody who would rather draw and cook/bake and watch old nostalgic movies than go out somewhere to do something. But I do love nature and hiking when I can! I generally dislike sports and strenuous activities, and if you even try to put me on a rollercoaster, only one of us is leaving it alive.

When it comes to a partner, I lean more towards to someone who is caring, thoughtful, dorky, and chill. But if they’re more assertive and outgoing, that’s not a deal-breaker (especially if they have a soft side to them). They can have different hobbies than me, which I would be more than happy to support! I love guys with a humorous and goofy side to them. Being super serious, uptight, distant, or cold is a deal-breaker for me, because it won’t encourage me to come out of my shell. But if they’re a well-meaning doofus who’s affectionate and loves cuddling? I can already hear the wedding bells! 

Thanks for opening this event and congrats again on reaching 500 followers! You earned them! ��

I match you with……

Straws!!!

✧ I think you’d pair up with Straws pretty darn well, actually! You like to keep is low-key and chill? Straws LOVES his leisure time out under the apple trees for a nice nap. It’s so soothing and calming to him. He’ll be sure to invite you to sit with him next time he heads out there. 

✧ One on one hangouts are definitely more his thing. It’s one of the main reasons he’s never in town for long. Being surrounded by people sort of stresses him out. Of course he’s fine if Plaid or you is there, but it’s just not as special to him if there’s a big crowd around him and whoever he’s hanging out with.

✧ Straws is also a pun man. His pun game isn’t as extreme as the others but he’s got a couple of one-liners up his sleeve that are sure to get you into a fit of giggles. Hearing people laugh (especially you) is his favorite sound. If you turn the jokes back on him and get him laughing he’ll be slightly embarrassed of his laugh. He thinks his laugh isn’t very nice so you’ll have to assure him that he’s fine 🥺

✧ Homebody meet homebody. There’s literally nothing Straws loves more than staying on the farm. The fact that you like cooking/baking is great because he and Plaid are in the kitchen quite often planning out what they’re going to be having for dinner that evening. Maybe you can convince them to have something other than casserole? (plz- it’s all they ever eat-).

✧  Straws doesn’t do it as often as his brother, but he does like to walk the trails around the farm from time to time, once he hears you like nature he’ll be sure to ask you to walk with him next time. After a long walk he’s sure to have a stack of old vhs tapes waiting for you both in the living room that you can both watch together. 

✧ Straws is one of the most caring sanses out of all of my guys. He just seems to have everything anyone could need anytime they’re sick, upset, or in trouble. He’s very subtle about it too, and will try to play it off as coincidence but his man really does care for everyone.

✧ Straws is very very rarely cold or super serious. The only time he gets like that is when he spots someone treating their animals wrong. You’ll never have to worry about him getting cold and distant with you! 

✧ Straws is more of a quality time and acts of service guy, but if you want cuddles he’ll be sure to give you some! <3 

[pcwpolwrestling]

Progressive Alliance Says No to Trump/Elizabeth Warren Has a Beer: PCW Extreme Political TV on P-SPAN

Tonight on Extreme Political TV on P-SPAN -The shutdown continues. -Nancy Pelosi adjourns Executive Committee meeting early leaving American Patriots wondering what’s going on. -PCW Heartland Owner Dawn McGill announces Heartland Title Tournament Semi-Finals. -Elizabeth Warren has a beer at the show. -New Universal PCW Champion Ray McAvay speaks.

================================

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Blue background. The top of the Capitol Building occupies the left hand side of the television screen.

Centered in the middle of the screen: “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.”]

P-SPAN Announcer (off screen): The P-SPAN Network bring you long-form public affairs programming from the nation’s capital and are a public service of…

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Logos of twenty three different cable and satellite television companies replace the Capitol Building and P-SPAN graphic.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): …your television provider.

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Returns to the blue background with the top of the Capitol Building occupying the left hand side of the television screen with “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.” centered in the middle of the screen.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): P-SPAN. The Political Channel.

===============================

Johnny Suave (voiceover): This week, the Progressive Alliance’s Nancy Pelosi took over the President’s role in the PCW Executive Committee and demanded PCW CEO Donald Trump drop his security plan in order to end the shutdown of the Blue and Red Brand shows.

Cut to: Thursday January 3rd – Washington D.C. Nancy Pelosi (CA-Progressive Alliance) stands behind a podium with Chuck Schumer (NY-Progressive Alliance).

Major players in the Progressive Alliance stand in the background. Pelosi promises to lead an Executive Committee that delivers results for the people, opens up opportunities for PCW’s wrestlers and lifts up their lives.

Was the rest of the Progressive Alliance on board?

Rashida Tlaib (MI-Progressive Alliance): We’re going to impeach that mother *BLEEP* (that would be PCW CEO Donald Trump)

Adam Schiff (CA-Progressive Alliance): We’re going to indict that mother *BLEEP* (also PCW CEO Trump)

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (NY-Progressive Alliance): I just want to buy everyone groceries…with PCW’s money…of course. But Dawn McGill refuses to and said mean things about me.

Pelosi also again reiterates that the Progressive Alliance will not agree to CEO Trump’s security enhancements and demand that he sit down and work with them to end the shutdown.

Nancy Pelosi: We will not agree to upgrade security. It’s not happening. It’s time to end Trump’s shutdown and reopen the Blue and Red Brand shows for our fans.

Johnny Suave (v/o): Fast forward to the Blue Brand scheduled shows in Providence, Rhode Island and Buffalo, New York this weekend.

Cut to: Dunkin Donuts Center – Providence RI The arena is empty. On the scoreboard, “Welcome Blue Brand Show!”

Cut to: Keybank Center – Buffalo, NY The arena is also empty. On the scoreboard, “Welcome Blue Brand Show!”

Johnny Suave (v/o): The Red Brand scheduled shows in Birmingham, Alabama and Nashville, Tennessee.

Cut to: Birmingham-Jefferson Convention Complex – Birmingham, AL The arena is empty. On the scoreboard, “Welcome Red Brand Show!”

Cut to: Bridgestone Arena – Nashville, TN The arena is also empty. On the scoreboard, “Welcome Red Brand Show!”

Johnny Suave (v/o): Early on January 4th, Pelosi, Schumer, and the Executive Committee sat down and got to work on finding a solution to end the shutdown.

Cut to: The Executive Committee Room – Washington D.C. Pelosi moves to adjourn for the weekend. Steny Hoyer (MD-Progressive Alliance) seconds. The Progressive Alliance quickly stands and streams out the door as fast they can leaving a confused and bewildered American Patriot Leader Kevin McCarthy (CA-American Patriots) looking at the American Patriots in the room.

Kevin McCarthy: Hey! Where’d everyone go? Does anybody know what’s going on?

Johnny Suave (v/o): Apparently, the American Patriots have no clue what’s going on.

==============================

PCW Extreme Political TV on P-SPAN Sunday January 6th, 2018 Taped January 5th at the Landon Arena Topeka, Kansas

Announcers: “The Voice of PCW” Johnny Suave ‘Low Level Reporter at the New York Times Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Colleen Crowder

=============================

The camera pans around the arena. Everyone is on their feet and chanting: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”

Suave welcomes everyone to PCW Extreme Political TV.

Crowder complains about the opening and how it depicts the Progressive Alliance.

Colleen Crowder: Our narrative is that the shutdown is all Donald Trump’s fault plus it’s wrong that PCW Heartland owner Dawn McGill gets to run her shows while the PCW Blue and PCW Red Brand shows…bigger shows…are forced to stay home.

Suave notes that Professor McCarthy from Berkeley, California did follow through on his vow to protest at all three PCW Heartland house shows this weekend. Also protesting at the Friday night Tulsa, Oklahoma show, several wrestlers from the PCW Blue Brand.

Cut to: Professor McCarthy Protests Earlier in the night, Professor McCarthy, joined by the Green World Order (Peta from PETA, GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, and PeaceNick, the Young Jerks (Zenk Cryger, James Idahola, and Anna- the foul-mouthed sidekick), the Deep State (One and Two), Emily S. List, and Codee Pink stand outside the Black River Coliseum.

PCW Heartland owner Dawn McGill walks by. The Professor and his Flock start yelling all kinds of nasty invectives at her. McGill rolls her eyes and flips them off as she enters the arena.

Colleen Crowder: Now, was that really necessary?

Johnny Suave: I don’t know. Was it necessary for McCarthy and his goons to shout at Dawn like that?

Colleen Crowder: Yes. That’s freedom of speech.

Suave turns and flips off Crowder. She’s offended and demands an apology.

Johnny Suave: Nope, that’s freedom of speech too.

DAWN McGILL ADDRESSES THE PCW FAITHFUL Dawn’s in the ring and she welcomes everyone to PCW. She says it’s taken a year and a half to get back from when the Establishment took PCW off the air in May 2017 and talks about the hard work that’s gone on behind the scenes to get to tonight. Dawn wants to reiterate something she said over a year and half ago.

Dawn McGill: I said this on May 14th, 2017 and it holds true today. Paul Ryan or Kevin McCarthy whoever in charge there don’t get it. Mitch McConnell, Nancy Pelosi, and Chuck Schumer don’t get it. I still wonder sometimes if Donald Trump actually gets it.   But let me make this clear to the Establishment…PCW is not here for you. PCW is not here for the Sports Entertainment Corporation and CSPN. PCW is not here for the American Patriots. PCW is not here for the Progressive Alliance. PCW is here for…YOU…the fans. We don’t need the American Patriots. We don’t need the Progressive Alliance. All we need to succeed is you…and your support.

McGill then announces that because of the injury to former champion William Daniels Bryan a Heartland title tournament is being held to crown a new champion. She explains that tournament matches have already taken place at last night’s house show and tonight is the semi-finals. Match one will be Jack Fraiser versus Average Joe. Match two will be SNAFU versus a surprise entrant.

Johnny Suave: And Jack Fraiser versus Average Joe will be right after these messages.

=======================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

=======================

Ring Announcer Kimber Marshall is in the ring to introduce the first match.

Jack Fraiser AGE: 24 / HT: 6”3” WT: 205 / HOME: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan FIN: Canadian Crusher Valet: ‘Oootlander Blaire Rendell

The video screen comes to life:

It’s 1946 in the Scottish Highlands.

On the hill of Irish na Dun, British nurse Blaire Rendell hears the tell-tale buzzing sound as she approaches the standing stones. This makes her very happy.]

Blaire Rendell (Scottish accent): Soon, I’ll be back with my true love Jamie and I will be truly happy once again in eighteen century Scotland.

Blaire goes to the standing stones where the buzzing sound gets louder and louder. Soon she faints and falls to the ground. When she wakes up…

Blaire nearly jumps in the air when she encounters the source of the voice. He is dressed in heavy plaid lumberjack shirt, a warm coat, and a tuque.

Blaire Rendell: Wh-who the hell are you?   And where the hell am I?

Jack Fraiser: My name is Jack Fraiser. You are in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan Canada.

Blaire Rendell: Saskatoon…Saskatchewan Canada? That can’t be true. I’m supposed to be in Scotland.

[A hockey puck comes flying by just barely missing both of them.]

Blaire Rendell: What the *BLEEP*!

Jack Fraiser: Nope. This is definitely Saskatoon, Saskatchewan Canada.

Average Joe (Perfectly Average Company) AGE: 40 / HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 220 / HOME: Defiance, OH FIN: Average Slam MGR: Tequila Sheila

Then Average Joe comes out with his valet Tequila Sheila.

*Tequila Sheila- Bobby Bare*

Shelia sashays down the aisle to the ring.

‘Pour me another…tequila…’

Sheila spins around as the crowd shouts out: ‘SHEILA!’

===

MATCH #1: Jack Fraiser vs. Average Joe Semi-Final of the Heartland Title Tournament They come out quick, working counters and end in a standoff. Fraiser hits a dropkick and drives Average Joe to the floor. They brawl a bit. Both Rendell and Tequila Sheila get involved and eventually the action goes back to the ring.   Back in and Average Joe hits an Average Slam. He covers for 2 but Rendell makes the save. Average Joe with uppercuts, chops, and then a back breaker for 2. Average Joe lays in strikes, but Fraiser fires up and they trade strikes. Fraiser hits a hurricanrana. Average Joe rolls to the floor. Fraiser follows with a moonsault to the floor.

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!

Back in and Fraiser hits a missile dropkick and rolls into a German for 2. Average Joe counters the Canadian Crusher, but Fraiser follows with kicks. Average Joe counters by low bridging Fraiser, and follows with a head kick. Body slam countered into a cradle by Fraiser for 2. Fraiser hits another slam but Average Joe kicks out at 2. Fraiser heads up top, but Average Joe crotches him and leaves him in the tree of woe. Average Joe gets a chair and dropkicks it into Fraiser’s face. Fraiser tries to roll out. Average Joe pulls him back in. Fraiser fights him off and hits a double stomp. Average Joe kills Fraiser with a lariat. Average Slam is countered and Fraiser hits a cradled tombstone for a near fall. Average Joe fires back with kicks. Average Joe again looks for an Average Slam and Fraiser counters. He hits the Canadian Crusher. Cover. One…two…three.

WINNER: Jack Fraiser @ 12:33 (8:30 shown on TV)

Johnny Suave: Jack Fraiser gets his biggest PCW win yet. Good back and forth battle but Fraiser is able to counter Average Joe’s Average Slam and hits his finisher to go through to the finals.

=======================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

=======================

ELIZABETH WARREN- 1/1024TH ORDINARY PERSON Back from the break, the camera pans up to where Elizabeth Warren (MA-Progressive Alliance) is sitting in the crowd. She’s having a beer and talking with the people surrounding her.

Suave is a little cynical about Warren showing up at the show. Crowder sticks up for her.

Colleen Crowder: All Elizabeth Warren is doing is trying to show that she’s an ordinary person…no different than anyone else.

Johnny Suave: Really now.

Colleen Crowder: She’s just like everyone else.

Johnny Suave: Oh? Because most ordinary people pretend to be a member of a protected class in order to gain preferential treatment at one of the world’s most prestigious universities.

Crowder immediately objects and calls Suave’s response ‘sexist.’

Johnny Suave: Warren is one…one thousand twenty-fourth of an ‘ordinary person.’

Offended, Crowder jumps up from her chair and storms off in a huff.

Suave introduces the replay of new Universal PCW Champion ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay winning the title at PCW Extreme Election Night 2018.

REPLAY: End of the Universal PCW Title Match: Ray McAvay vs. Kirk Walstreit PCW Extreme Election Night 2018

[McAvay slaps on an inverted face lock…hooks the arm…and pulls backwards and up.]

Johnny Suave: DRAGON SLEEPER!

[Dark and Stormy end the striptease. The SEC’s Blackwell, Banks, and Tanaka climb into the ring. Les Miserables’s General DeBauchery, Al Cahall, and Nic Koteen throw themselves at the SEC. Walstreit starts to fade. Several other members of the Les Miserables hit the ring and attack Blackwell, Banks, and Tanaka.]

Johnny Suave: ALL HELL HAS BROKEN LOOSE! WE’VE GOT PEOPLE IN THE RING AND McAVAY IS HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE.

[Walstreit’s arm goes limp. McAvay breaks the hold…puts Walstreit’s head between his legs…and hits a sit-down powerbomb.]

Johnny Suave: McGILL BOMB!

[McAvay rolls him up. One…two…THREE!]

Johnny Suave: HE’S DONE IT!

Do You Hear the People Sing?’ – Les Miserables

‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay walks out accompanied by his wife Stacee (Dark) Perry- one half of the famed West Texas Adult Entertainment duo Dark and Stormy. Paige ‘Stormy’ Reynolds also walks out. Bert the Janitor comes out fourth. Also joining them, General DeBauchery- who looks like a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds, sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, smoking a cigar and grinning obnoxiously, Al Cahall- sporting six pack abs…oh…that’s a six pack in front of his abs. And then there’s man smoking a cigarette in violation of several anti-smoking ordinances…which is par for the course- Nic Koteen.

McAvay holds up the Universal PCW Title belt as the procession makes its way to the ring.

Johnny Suave: Ray McAvay, in his first match back after being on the shelf for ten months, stunned everyone by walking out of Extreme Election Night 2018 as the Universal PCW Champion.

Flanked by the Les Miserables, McAvay gets a standing ovation. He thanks everyone and promises to be the people’s Universal PCW Champion.

Ray McAvay: The wrestlers of the PCW Red and Blue Brands are sitting at home right now because the Progressive Alliance and the American Patriots can’t agree on anything. We are here in Topeka, Kansas this afternoon because we are here for you. Mr. McMann, the American Patriots, the Progressive Alliance, Professor McCarthy and his Flock with their agendas, they don’t get it. They clearly are doing this for fame, money, power, and ego. I’m wrestling for the fans. I’m wrestling for people like the former Intel employee. I’m wrestling for the people who paid their hard earned income to come here tonight. I’m wrestling for folks like you. I’m not in this for personal fame or glory. I’m in this to entertain. To help people forget real life for a couple of hours. I have my own way- the McAvay way- what I can say? And my way is different from most professional wrestlers. I’m an average schmuck. I show up. Punch in. Shut up. And get to work. My job is to go out to the ring and put on the best show possible for the fans. I’m-

Charlie Blackwell (interrupting): Ray, Ray, Ray.

One half of the Universal PCW Tag Team Champions ‘Charlie Wrestling’ Charlie Blackwell walks out followed by a CSPN film crew.

Johnny Suave: Charlie Blackwell is a former member of the Les Miserables who sold out to ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann’s Sports Entertainment Corporation.

Blackwell mock congratulates McAvay on the win and is not surprised he is still ‘slumming’ with the Les Miserables.

Charlie Blackwell: Ray, I left the Les Miserables because I wanted to get paid. Pandering to the common people doesn’t get you paid. That’s why I’m with the SEC now. And now that I’m getting paid, I’m turning my attention towards something you have- the Universal PCW Title.

Blackwell throws out a challenge to the new champion and declares that once the PCW Red and Blue shows start up again, he’ll be coming for the belt.

Charlie Blackwell: Until then, you’ll never see me, Charlie Wrestling, in a substandard dump like this ever again.

Blackwell is booed off the stage.

Johnny Suave: The main event is next!

=======================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

=======================

Suave goes right to the ring for the main event.

Kimber Marshall is in the ring to introduce the main event.

*’Feel Invincible’- Skillet*

E.J. Flack leads SNAFU out to the stage.

E.J. Flack: Ladies and gentlemen, forget about ‘rowing the boat.’ Sometimes in life, you have to face the big monster thingy. Sometimes in life, you have to take on something that’s bigger than you even if its huge tusks can shred you to bits in seconds…even if its jagged teeth can tear through you like a hot knife through warm butter. Sometimes when you’re climbing life’s mountain and come up against insurmountable odds, you have to…

Flack pauses for dramatic effect.

Crowd: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

SNAFU AGE: 33 / HT: 5′ 10″  WT: 200 / HOME: Parts Unknown FIN: American Facebuster

Then Kimber presents SNAFU’s opponent.

*‘No Smoke Without a Fire’ – Bad Company*

The crowd explodes when ‘The One Man American A-List’ Stone Chism, fresh from being released by the PCW Blue Brand, walks out on stage. The same Stone Chism who was unceremoniously dumped out of the Progressive Alliance earlier in the week.

Colleen Crowder has a stroke when she sees Chism on stage.

Colleen Crowder: What is this Progressive Alliance reject doing here? He doesn’t belong here. He couldn’t cut it with the PA and was fired. Discharged. Bye-bye.

‘The One Man American A-List’ Stone Chism HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 225 / HOME: Hollywood, CA FIN:  American Blockbuster

Chism climbs in the ring and raises his arms.

Johnny Suave: Dawn McGill did a fair amount of business bringing Stone Chism permanently into PCW Heartland.

Colleen Crowder: The Progressive Alliance determined he wasn’t good enough for the PCW Blue Brand and that’s good enough for me.

Johnny Suave: Right. A former PCW Champion and a two time PCW Television Champion isn’t good enough.

Colleen Crowder: That’s how I’m reporting it.

===============

MAIN EVENT: ‘The One Man American A-List’ Stone Chism vs. SNAFU Semi-Final of the Heartland Title Tournament

[The referee calls for the bell.]

Johnny Suave: And here we go.

[Collar and elbow tie up. Both men circle and look for position. Flack claps his hands and tries to get the crowd going.]

E.J. Flack: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

Crowd: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

[Chism whips SNAFU into the ropes. SNAFU ducks under and hits the ropes. Chism whiffs on the return. SNAFU stops…slaps Chism. They lock up again…Chism pulls hair and SNAFU slaps him again.]

Colleen Crowder: Chism’s pulling the hair. That’s cheating and another reason why he should have been fired from the Progressive Alliance.

[Chism gets pissed and slaps him back. He teases an American Blockbuster…SNAFU rolls from the ring…]

Johnny Suave: Both wrestlers are struggling to gain the advantage in this match up to this point.

Colleen Crowder: The guy who ‘Narfles Garthoks’…and I still maintain that’s sexist in some shape or form…needs to get moving and take this Hollywood Judas out. Chism let down an entire class of people whose main purpose in life is to make our lives happy by entertaining us.

Johnny Suave: And make millions upon millions of dollars and enjoying all the perks and privileges that come with having lots of money.

4th MINUTE […SNAFU escapes from a wristlock. Chism cradles him for the cover.]

[One…]

[Two…SNAFU kicks out.]

[Chism attacks the knee. He goes for a knee bar but SNAFU makes the ropes. SNAFU and Chism exchange strikes. SNAFU hits a running knee strike and then a back breaker. Cover.]

[One…]

[Two…Chism powers out. Coach Flack claps his hands at ringside.]

E.J. Flack: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

Crowd: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

[Chism sends SNAFU to the floor. He follows. Then Chism lifts and suplexes SNAFU on the apron. SNAFU tries a desperation drop kick from the apron. Chism sidesteps…pulls him up…and slams him onto the broadcast table.]

5th MINUTE [Chism pulls a table out and throws it into the ring. He drags SNAFU back in and drapes him over the table. Chism climbs to the top turnbuckle…]

Johnny Suave: Chism going airborne!

Colleen Crowder: Someone stop him!

[…and puts SNAFU through the table.]

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!

[Chism hooks the legs.]

[One…]

[Two…]

[Thr-…]

Johnny Suave: NO! SNAFU just got the shoulder up in time.

Colleen Crowder: You know, I take that back. Stone Chism does belongs here. While the PCW Blue Brand performs in the best facilities and travel in luxury, Chism can bus from show to show in Dawn McGill’s traveling flea circus.

[Chism lays in the chops. SNAFU fights back and hits a flying forearm. Rights by SNAFU and then a dragon screw. Coach Flack slides a chair in. *WHAP* SNAFU blasts Chism with the chair. He then surfboards the chair and kicks it in Chism’s face. Cover…]

[One…]

[Two…Chism kicks out.]

6th MINUTE [SNAFU hits a dropkick. Body slam. Legdrop. Cover…]

[One…]

[Two…again Chism kicks out.]

[SNAFU on the offensive but Chism cuts him off. SNAFU misses clothesline. Chism belly to belly suplexes SNAFU and holds with the shoulders on the mat…]

[One…]

[Two…]

[SNAFU gets the shoulder up late again. Flack calls SNAFU over and he spills to the floor.]

Johnny Suave: Good move by SNAFU. Regroup. Refocus.

[SNAFU gets instructions and advice from Flack. He rolls back in and another lock up…]

Johnny Suave: This has been a good one between Chism and SNAFU. I almost think Chism is better in this element than he was at PCW Blue.

Colleen Crowder: PCW Blue…and even Red…are superior to anything that goes on down here.

Johnny Suave: I’m going to disagree with that.

Colleen Crowder: Look at the money the wrestlers make. Look at the venues the wrestlers work at. This is why PCW CEO Trump needs to drop this whole ‘security enhancement’ idea and get the big time wrestlers back to work.

Johnny Suave: Bigger ain’t necessarily better. And stop parroting Mr. McMann’s talking points.

10th MINUTE […Chism and SNAFU trade strikes in the middle of the ring. SNAFU flings himself to the ropes and fires across the ring. Chism evades the high crossbody and SNAFU nearly decapitates himself in the ropes. Chism lays in knee strikes. He pulls SNAFU off the ropes and sets him up for a delayed vertical suplex. Vertical suplex. Cover.]

[One…]

[Two…]

[Thre…oh wait. E.J. Flack is talking to the referee.]

Johnny Suave: Flack makes the last ditch save!

E.J. Flack: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

Crowd: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!

Colleen Crowder: Come on SNAFU!

[Chism gets heated with the referee and claps his hands three times in quick succession.]

11th MINUTE [Flack again slides a chair into the ring. SNAFU grabs it and raises the chair to strike. Chism hits a standing drop kick and bends SNAFU over. He then DDT’s SNAFU onto the chair.]

Colleen Crowder: NO!

[Cover.]

[One…]

[Two…]

[Thr-…SNAFU somehow gets a shoulder up at the last possible second.]

[Chism pulls SNAFU to his feet and lifts him into a vertical suplex position. But this time, he drops to the mat driving SNAFU head first to the mat.]

Johnny Suave: AMERICAN BLOCKBUSTER!

Colleen Crowder: It was better when it was the Hollywood Blockbuster!

[Cover…]

[One…]

[Two…]

[THREE!]

*DING-DING-DING-DING*

Johnny Suave: HE’S DONE IT! THE ONE MAN AMERICAN A-LIST HAS DEFEATED SNAFU AND HE WILL WRESTLE JACK FRAISER NEXT WEEK FOR THE PCW HEARTLAND TITLE!

WINNER: ‘The One Man American A-List’ Stone Chism @ 11:22

Crowder is unhappy with the result.

Post match, Chism gets on the microphone and tells the PCW faithful he’s glad to be there.

Stone Chism: I was tired of being something I wasn’t. I don’t agree with Hollywood values. I’d rather be here with people like you than to be around a bunch of fake, phony, plastic people- OOOOF…

Johnny Suave: IT’S ‘MR. HOLLYWOOD’ KEVIN DANIELS!

Out of nowhere, Daniels runs down and tackles Chism in the ring.

Colleen Crowder: GET HIM! GET HIM!

Daniels and Chism roll around the ring trying to throw punches. The referee tries to get in between the two and gets shoved away.

The crowd buzzes as several more people race down.

Johnny Suave: HERE WE GO! IT’S THE GREEN WORLD ORDER AND THE YOUNG JERKS!

The GWO (Peta from PETA, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, and PeaceNick), the Young Jerks (Zenk Cryger, James Idahola, and their foul-mouthed sidekick Anna), Emily S. List, and Codee Pink hit the ring. Professor McCarthy from Berkley, California directs traffic from the outside.

Professor McCarthy: SHOUT HIM DOWN! SHUT HIM DOWN!

They swarm all over Chism and the One Man American A-List is overwhelmed. Then…

Johnny Suave: HERE COMES RAY McAVAY! AND THE LES MISERABLES!

McAvay clocks McCarthy from behind and decks the Professor. McAvay, General DeBauchery, Al Cahall, Nic Koteen climb into the ring and brawl with the GWO and the Young Jerks. They are joined seconds later by the Island of Misfit Wrestlers (Rah and Halitosis with Regina McGill).

Johnny Suave: …AND RAH AND HALITOSIS!

The end credits start to roll.

Johnny Suave: HEARTLAND TITLE MATCH NEXT WEEK! SEE YOU THEN…

[‘Trumpet Concerto No. 2 in D major – 3 Allegro assai’ begins to play in the background and P-SPAN quickly cuts away to another political event.]