#because on here gender seems to form a large part of many people's identities. and people really do care about it and talk about it a lot

[popsicle-stick]

that gender post from last night has me thinking i wish other cis people knew how entirely bog standard and common it is to have zero innate sense or connection to gender - i'd go as far as to say that it's how the majority of cis people feel! it's a sense of being given one of two labels and simply having no innate notion to the contrary, but also, having no real innate sense that you ARE that. you're just that thang by default bc everyone calls you that and it's convenient and it's comfortable and the concept of gender is simply not interesting enough to spend time on

[genderkoolaid]

Hello! Non binary here. I'm trying to genuinely understand how saying bi lesbians are a thing are not harmful to the trans, lesbian and bi community. I saw some of the bi lesbians history and this label seems to be something they used to say to identify that they felt mostly attraction to women but could eventually like a man / people that liked men in the past but now go as lesbians. On the first example, Isn't it just bisexuality with a preference to women? and in the second, lesbians with comphet. I understand the need to use those labels in the past, but now it seems harmful to use bi lesbian because lesbians are not attracted men and bisexuals are not lesbians. I have also seen that the use of bi lesbian was a reactionary push to the TERF movement of excluding men from queer spaces as in a way to "purify" women

While someone in either of the groups you described might identify as a bi lesbian, that is certainly not the extent of bi lesbianism.

I think the problem emerges for many people because they are viewing the definitions of queer terms as objective descriptions we discovered. From this perspective, people used to use lesbian in a more expansive sense essentially because they didn't know any better. But I dislike that; our foreparents were not identifying how they did because they didn't know better, their constructions of gender and sexuality are just as valid. And it's important to understand why those definitions formed instead of going “well it's different now so stop it.”

I'm not sure if you are saying you've heard TERFs came up with the term bi lesbian. I wouldn't be surprised, since it's a fairly common rumor. But it's very wrong. To give a very general history, “bi lesbian” came about to describe people who identified with lesbianism– in the sense that they identified with being queer, having some personal relationship with womanhood and loved or desired women– who also were multisexual in some way. “Lesbian” emphasized your love/desire for women as an important part of your identity, and “bisexual” gave nuance to that, creating visibility for bi people within the community. The outrage against bi lesbians came from the same source as the hatred for trans lesbians (of all kinds): radical feminist beliefs in political lesbianism, the insistence that being a lesbian is a political choice to end all personal relationships with men & manhood.

The idea that “lesbians, universally, aren't attracted to men” largely comes out of this shift. You cannot separate the idea that “bi lesbians” don't/shouldn't exist and the legacy of transphobic radical feminism which encourage black-and-white thinking and hostility towards Bad Queers who dared to love or desire men, be men, dress like men, or fuck like men (anything from BDSM to using a strap-on). This divide is artificial and we do not need to just accept it. Bi lesbians are not the source of harm, the ideology that insists on their exclusion is. On top of this, in many physical queer communities bi lesbians & other people with complicated identities are very easily accepted; the idea that it's somehow impossible for these identities to be safely normalized is just queer conservatism.

There are many reasons someone might enjoy the bi lesbian label: personally, I'm multigender and using a single sexuality label doesn't accurately express my sexuality. A lot of times I see people who counter reasons for bi lesbian identity by saying “but that's just being a lesbian/bisexual!” which is another product of this black-and-white thinking. The idea that someone else with a similar experience using a different label than you– or someone with a different experience using the same label– is somehow a threat to your identity is very reminiscent of the way radical feminism relies on patriarchal ideas that everyone in a gender group must self-police that group to ensure homogeneity. Someone with a totally “normal” bisexual experience may still identify as a bi lesbian, or use both bisexual and lesbian in varying contexts, because they feel it accurately expresses their personal sexuality & relationship to queer communities.

There's famously an Alison Bechdel strip about a character being a bi lesbian, but I think my favorite piece of bi lesbian art is this poem by Dajenya. It's a very defiant and wholehearted response to anti-bi-lesbian sentiment and how it harms people within the community far more than bi lesbian identity does. this site is a collection of primary resources on bi lesbianism, including a few interviews from bi lesbians which might be helpful for you.

[transmutationisms]

People are also angry that Mencken seems gay - like ‘oh yeah make the only main character gay a fascist’. But like I think Mencken potentially being gay is extremely important to showing how right wing politics work. Mencken is against pocs, Jewish people, immigrants etc and fully endorses Christian doctrine. But he has an exception for himself and his own homosexuality. He’s using Christian narratives etc to further his own interests, selling it to naive voters who don’t know his sexuality. It’s exactly what many right wing politicians do today. Although Trump wasn’t arguably far right, he often criticised immigrants because it appealed to voters. Yet he himself was married to an immigrant. Right wing politicians will always see themselves as the exception to the rule.

mmm, i think the importance of the menckenroman homoeroticism goes even further than that actually. like, gay nazis very much existed and gay fascists still exist. there is nothing about being gay that prevents people from being fascists; in fact, there are certain strains of thought that explicitly defend homosexual identity & behaviour as the highest form of sociality between white, christian, usually bourgeois men. (lesbian fascists also exist obviously but since i'm specifically talking about mencken here i won't get into lesbian gender politics)

like, mencken may not identify as gay/bi (i doubt he does), especially publicly. but lusting after 'pure' white men is very much not contrary to his stated ideology; it's a logical endpoint of a politics that venerates whiteness and maleness. similarly, for roman, he's internalised logan's gender politics in which dominant, virile men are superior (who does the fucking vs who gets fucked) and part of the appeal of fascism for him is very much that it plays on this narrative of strength and manliness. mencken presents himself as the traditionalist, masculine defender of the white race and western civilisation; roman appears to him as a prize to be won, representing waystar and taking the form of the 'superior' race/gender. the two of them eyefucking each other is not an 'exception' to their political ideologies; it is an expression of them.

also wrt trump, i don't think his marriage to melania was an 'exception' to his politics either, or that his supporters saw it as such, because he and his ilk have never actually been opposed to immigration in itself. they are opposed to people they perceive as Other and inferior entering the usa, namely racialised people and poor people. although eastern europe has not always been considered 'acceptably' white in america, and is still sometimes exoticised in a way western europe is not, these days it is largely assimilated into whiteness in the american conservative imagination, and i don't believe trump's rhetoric was ever targeting people like melania, nor that his supporters believed it did.

[shinra-makonoid]

More of an opinion matter, why do you think we're trans? I personally believe that it's something in my brain that fucked up, which made me want to be male, regardless of what conscious identity I was forming. This makes the most sense to me as a non-biologist, or maybe that is the only thing I could accept, because "it's all social" made it initially sound like a thing I shouldn't indulge. If I want to have male body because of society, the most "correct" way would be to make myself accept what I already have, right? Somewhere down there I still believe that, so the only way I accepted myself being trans is that it has some sort of biological/neurological basis.

Here goes a whole rant that is JUST my opinion I'm not saying anything I'm saying is true or valid, and I'm just blabbing about it, but you asked. Also largely talking about what I think are my true reasons.

My official opinion is I don't know. Like I used to be pretty certain but now I kinda took a step back and I prefer not having judgement either way. I'm also not up to date with the litterature at all. As I said before, it doesn't impact me on the why I am who I am. It made me have a "looser" view about people transitioning even if they claim they have no dysphoria, people dysphoria on both ends, or the few strange trans people who seem to have a kink about it etc. "Trans" means a lot of things.

Specifically for gender dysphoria (that is more of a symptom with a definition, I'm not talking about the DSM list, more like having "sex dysphoria" basically : distress about your sexual characteristics and wanting them to be the opposite sex's) there are two difference of roots which we have to find out about: how gender dysphoria is displayed in the brain, and what caused that specificity if it exists. Then when does the causes occur, is it before, after birth, during childhood, adolescence? Many parameters are to be taken into account there, and I don't believe it's one simple cause. I'm not certain it's been researched a lot. I only know that GD is begining to be known as highly linked to the autism spectrum.

I would assume it's something biological in the brain obviously, to me it's undeniable there is a biological factor to all of it (and as I said before, there's a study about it) as well as a lot of review showing genetics and hormonal components (tho sometimes they integrate sexual orientation in the game so it makes it harder to really be sure). I think it's difficult to assume there isn't, but the thing is, we don't really know if we're all trans for the same reasons, and we might never know, and maybe we shouldn't assume we are either. Why should I be a "real trans" compared to any other trans. Is there really a difference between me and someone who after transitioning, stopped feeling dysphoria and detransitioned? (I'm not talking about the cases of people suffering from GD and then detransing because of political/ideological influences there obviously).

Then, it doesn't mean it has to be a "brain sex" thing, just like it doesn't have to be in another way that's closer to typical mental health issues like dysmorphia either, or something close to body integrity disorder, or some deep thing we can't even check today. The possibilities are endless and it's like a needle in a haystack. It is difficult, in my opinion, to claim that gender dysphoria is "definitely in that part of the brain" or "definitely portrayed like this in the brain", or "definitely social". I think TERFs saying it's dysmorphia are wrong in a lot of cases, and I think people saying they have the "brain of the opposite side" as a blanket statement are also wrong.

Then there's society. I argue a lot about how I don't think our behavior or gender presentation, but I would argue that the opportunity to being able to transition is given by society, and therefore, an undeniable part of "being trans" is social, because transitioning medically is now available to us. It's not like centuries before where people had to do how they could do, now we have an opportunity to really switch genders.

TERFs consider that it's "bad" to transition to the opposite sex if you are so GNC it impacts negatively your life on a day to day, that you should just "suck it up" for the political stance. Well, I don't agree with that. I think that if someone is so GNC that they find relief in transition, then they're trans, but they might not have gender dysphoria the same way I do. The reason might be social, but I think being GNC is not chosen but impacted by biological processes (and unchangeable), and therefore, it's still a thing in the brain causing the person "being trans", but it's probably not the same as someone who transitioned for sex dysphoria reason. If there is a higher quality of life after, then it was clinically the right choice, no matter the politics about it. Anyway, same thing applies for the claim of people transitioning because they're autistic. And even there, who's to argue there is only one "reason" that makes someone transitioning? Do we, the "real trans" only transition for "sex dysphoria" reasons too? I'm not sure.

I still ask myself *why* I did transition for real. Because I don't think it's clear to myself either, like there are surface level rationalization of things (my bottom sex dysphoria for ex that exists since I'm a teenager), but overall, with time, it just "felt" "natural" to me to assume the gender of a man. I "naturally" "felt" that way ever since I was a kid even when I had no words to really describe it. I remember as a child, wanting to tell my mom that I didn't want to be a tomboy, but just a boy. Up until teenagehood, I wanted to be with boys naturally, and it was a difficult time when I became a teenager because guys wouldn't look at me as a peer anymore. Is that natural or is that social? TERFs will argue that it was because I was "autistic" (I'm not diagnosed, I'm not claiming that I am), or because I was a tomboy and pressure from society blablabla, but idk it seems weak as an explanation for something so visceral and so natural. I think this is why I especially like the CAH girls being more masculine studies, it's because it explains something for me. CAH girls having more prenatal exposure to testosterone, have their bodies masculinized compared to other girls, and display more masculinity than girls. I'm not CAH, but my mom had polycystic ovaries syndrom which results in more testosterone and infertility. Both my brother (who is autistic) and I are screwed up in a gender/sexual/social way. Is that a coincidence? Who knows (after all we had screwed childhood too, on a different level as we have 10 years apart), but yeah if the CAH was debunked I'd take a bit of a hit because of my personal experience (I am super biased about it).

Anyway. I also remember that before transitioning, I did feel like I was a "failed" woman, because I've tried very hard to be with my women peers but was never considered as a valid woman by peers (because of my hairiness, because of my social differences, my behavior, because of my lack of femininity or even because of my masculinity), which is a classic TERF point too. There's also period, I hated them, and I never wanted to be pregnant ever. Those are practical, biological but still kinda social reasons.

Once I transitioned, it didn't fix my bottom sex dysphoria (still unbearably present), like I'm not sure I'll be able to comfortably fuck ever. But I also enjoy very much how my body is, I enjoy my beard, my hair pattern, my neck, my forehead, my shoulders, my stomach, my legs, my arms, my back, my hips, my build, my figure, which are not things that used to be before. I guess it could be argued it's "gender euphoria", but to me it's possible that I used to feel gender dysphoria about all of this but simply didn't acknowledge it, and when it stops it's a relief. Like when you have chronic pain, your perception of pain changes. Maybe when you have chronic distress in regards to gender, sometimes your perception of distress changes. I have a general tendency to live that way (past situations that were bearable before are unbearable to me now because I know better). Maybe "gender euphoria" is that, and so maybe it's an integral part of "being trans" and/or "having gender dysphoria". Finally, there's the social aspects of it, I'm no longer an outcast with my peers in regards to my more than average masculine female body, my general behavior is more consistent with my appearance, mannerisms (or lack of), and I bloomed into masculinity with contentment rather than feeling "constraigned" by it, even on its problematic aspects (to which I just don't participate in). Being a man is not easy, as it's lonely, sometimes violent (psychologically and/or physically) and yet I agree with it being part of my life, it's not unbearable as it used to be as a woman (which to my experience was less psychologically/physically violent and definitely less lonely despite being an outcast generally). I don't think I changed or morphed into something else in society due to it. I'm still globally the same person as I was before transitioning, it's just that I'm happier with my mind and my body now. The same way that I didn't feel specifically sex dysphoria in regards to my breasts (it feels weird to say that because they not here anymore!!!), but I did feel constant distress from having them due partly to social reasons, and now they're gone and I'm so happy I could just stare at my chest all day and I ordered things online to wear because of how excited I was to wear shirts and looking like a guy with a normal chest in the mirror. I love how manly I looks. I love my body, I just wished I had a penis and it would be like... Perfect. Except maybe my height but some kings are short and that's life.

I don't think any of that "new" (it's been 5 years after all) found love regarding my body is clinically concordant with a dysmorphia diagnosis (I didn't find new flaws, I don't obsess over new flaws, my bottom sex dysphoria hasn't changed, I took 5 years to decide myself whether I wanted to remove my breasts so I think it's safe to say I was not in a rush to change my body or find new things to change about my body) or any other kind of TERF flavored diagnosis, but I think it is clinically concordant with a gender dysphoria diagnosis (quality of life and body satisfaction correlated to my appearance changing to the opposite sex). And again, every step of the way, I agree with myself whether I want to continue T shots, whether I'm happy with being trans, I let myself have the space to consider detransitioning in a neutral way and without considering it a failure if I ever do it. Of course I doubt it would ever happen but I'm open to the possibility, I'm open to changing my mind about myself. I'm not forcing myself through a path, I'm enjoying the path, my own personal private path.

So you see, based on that alone there's probably a plethora of reasons as to why I "really" transitioned, that seem more accurate and grounded in the earth compared to "social influences on tumblr/other trans people" or "childhood abuse", "society expectations", "being actually a lesbian" or "wanting to be your father" (as one therapist said to me), but more complicated than "it's only sex dysphoria".

I'm giving you my personal testimony on this, it's not generalizable, and it doesn't mean anything in regards to "trans people" in general either, but I hope it might give some comfort to some people who think they 100% have to transition for these right specific reasons and none else, or that there is "only one reason for people to transition". It's a complex thing, I hope I'm highlighting how complexe it really is with my example, and also showing that if you were to search all of that in a brain, it would probably be a big confusing mess.

[bloodiedmedic]

Gender is weird, Alexis.

This is a drabble because I was contemplating different things, and Alexis had thoughts about gender and sexuality and I dunno here's some random gender identity stuff. I dunno how easy this drabble will be to understand, but it's largely a letter written by Alexis for/at Alexis for their own personal reasons so it's not really a full attempt by them to explain things to someone else. Content warnings for slurs based off of sexual identities. Side note that there's queer gender weirdness within, and mentions of sex.

Sitting down on the sofa Alexis had an ashtray, a cup of coffee, a pack of cigarettes, and a few pieces of paper as well as a pen. It was a kind of tradition they’d fallen into since they were around seventeen or so siting down with paper and something to write with, and just kind of examining themselves or more properly their gender and how they related to it and through it to other people about once a year. It wasn’t a birthday thing, and it didn’t happen on the same day or even the same week every year but it was normally around spring time when people started inching from being fully covered to more revealing outfits or picking out bikinis or whatever else. The kind of socially acceptable androgyny provided by puffy winter jackets, and large winter boots, and being bundled up giving way to tight pants and crop tops or whatever else making it all the more obvious where people “belonged” as many would see it. It was a strange time for Alexis that transition as they found themselves reminded once more that they in fact “belonged” both nowhere, and everywhere at the same time and so it was a time during which they contemplated things. The easiest way they’d found was by sitting down, and writing. Originally cigarettes and coffee hadn’t been a part of this of course, but they had gotten older since than and picked up their fair share of bad habits.

This piece of writing was also one of the very few places, and perhaps the only place Alexis allowed itself to use its truly correct pronouns which in fact were It/its.

((Under a read more for length and because not everyone wants to read a big journal piece about gender))

Taking a sip of coffee, and than lighting a cigarette to hold between its lips Alexis settled down to write. For a few seconds the pen hovered above the paper, and than with a little nod from Alexis it came down and started to scribble. The handwriting wasn’t the best just as most doctor’s handwriting seemed to be rushed, and poor however it was in fact legible.

How strange it can be when everyone uses both the correct, and the wrong form of address for me. Pronouns never entirely wrong because I encompass everything, but never correct either because in encompassing everything I become something outside of it much as a box cannot be said to be part of whatever is inside of it. What’s inside of the box never changes, but what does change is what someone pulls out of it and the packaging the box displays.

I’ve been with women that only want me when I am masc. Been with men that only want me femme. Been with both in the other direction as well. A few people that just shrug and claim they are fine regardless of how I present, but than get surprised when one day I show up completely opposite of how they’ve normally seen me and perhaps even get embarrassed. Most people claim that they are accepting so long as the box doesn’t change past their expectations, and so long as what they pull out of the box meets with their desires. Most people never understand that they only ever see a fraction of what’s possible because that’s all they can imagine, and all they allow themselves to want.

There are a hundred stories to tell. Good, and bad both. Some few number of people doing their best to fully accept all of me. Some few number not accepting me at all in any way. Most people fall somewhere in the middle, and it’s been that way my entire life. Society after all does such a good job of dictating for us the roles we should fill, and the shapes of those roles and people follow along until or unless something happens to make them realize those rules and the shapes accompanying them are bullshit. Of course when you step outside of those shapes they punish you.

Dyke. Faggot. Queer. Homo. Freak. I’ve lost count of the words, and insults. The funny thing is how those words shift depending on who says them. Faggot from the mouth of some asshole cis het man feels like a spike through the chest reminding me that I’ve stepped out of the role assigned to me and that I’m wrong according to society. Faggot from the mouth of a beautiful woman sliding her strapon inside of me telling me to be good as I take her cock though? Now that’s almost enough to make me cum just on feeling her enter me. Dyke from some pretty boytoy twink whose whimpering as I threaten to crush his balls while I sit on his face, or use my strapon on him? It’s a delightful thing indeed, and of course the opposite goes as well. Dyke, butch, femme, pretty thing, handsome thing, faggot, twink, beautiful, I’m all those things and also none of them at the same time.

I am a paradox in that I am whatever someone perceives me as which is why I tell people to use they/them for I am multitudes, and am whatever they feel is correct to have next to them… but I am also one singular thing as well which is myself. I’m just a person. If anyone ever knew all of me, all encompassing everything that I am there would be no paradox. I’m not they, or her, or him. I’m it. It is just a person living its life. It wishes to reject these stupid roles, and meaningless shapes, and idiotic rules as best as it can. It has no “man” or “woman” within it, but is simply whatever it wishes to be in that day. Society decides what men, or women are supposed to be and ignores the grand wonderful complexity of existence because of a need to control people, and that is such a waste… it thinks.

Sometimes I consider trying to explain this to someone who matters. Perhaps someone who is like a *sister to me, or maybe I’ll find a **family, or someone I ***work for who I feel the need to have understand me, or sometimes… sometimes I just want to try to reach out to someone that’s both stranger and friend* at the same time. Sometimes I want to try to make people understand who I really am. How all they see is bits, and pieces and how they is just a pleasant little wrapper to make it more palatable for society despite the fact that even “they” is still enough to make someone scream and rage in confusion and denial. How though to explain such things, and more to the point why bother? All it does is make people uncomfortable. What of something as simple as a bathroom? Nearly all of them are labeled for men, or women. Where is it that it can pee when it is told by society that it should not exist, and is an aberration?

For that matter where does it fall within the boundaries of someone else’s sexuality when it is neither man nor woman, nor contains either but merely aspects society judges as masculine or feminine and thus assigns people to a role thereby? Roles that most people cannot fulfill as easily or fully as society would wish, but people pretend they do. Is it allowed for a lesbian to have sex with me because of what’s between my legs, and because I’m not a him? What of a gay man who smiles while I have my binder on, and although may ignore what’s between my legs enjoys the rest of what I offer? Only they can decide. I speak too much of sex here, but than gender so often is involved in relationships sexual or otherwise and I care so little what strangers think of me.

Except for in bathrooms, or when a large man walks behind me at night, or a woman looks at me with confusion if not downright fear, or a police man approaches, or I’m told “the women’s section of clothing” is over there or “the men’s section” is in that direction, or I tell someone that no that lingerie is for me and I get a particular look of distaste, or a hundred other small little situations. I care so very very little what people think of me… except for when I am forced to acknowledge the fact that I don’t fit.

Not he, not she, not they. It. Always It, and yet never It either. Always a paradox, a chameleon, a shifter moving from one role and one presentation to another. With one person I fill one role, and with another I fill a different one and each person picks what they perceive me as and never are they quite right.

Never are they entirely wrong either however.

Why must people be so bound to expectations, and rules placed upon us by an uncaring society, and roles forced on us by generations previous, and so much else when the real answer is obvious.

We are all stardust, and we are all made from that same stardust. We are all beautiful, and magnificent and should be just as free as any other stardust floating through the universe.

My name is Alexis Ogata, and I am stardust forced into the form of a person.

My name is Alexis Ogata, and I am neither he nor she not they in truth.

It is Alexis Ogata, and it is a person.

Staring at the words it had written Alexis read over the small… what was it? A journal page? A letter to itself? A letter to no one? It didn’t really matter. For a long moment Alexis considered actually keeping this one, and perhaps even showing it someone. Standing up it left the paper on the table and went to refill it’s coffee cup taking a long swig from the cup before returning and sitting down. Picking the paper up it did the same thing it had done every year since it started writing these, and using a lighter lit the paper on fire like some offering to whatever gods above might exist so that if nothing else understood at least whatever might exist above it would understand. Holding the paper Alexis turned it one way than the other ensuring all of it lit not caring as flames licked at it’s fingers until finally…

they let the paper drop into the ashtray to finish burning. Humming softly to themselves Alexis nudged the paper a couple of times using their lighter to help it along while finishing their cigarette until the paper was just ash surrounded by more ash and dropping the cigarette butt Alexis stood taking a moment to collect themselves. Binder tugged at to ensure it was in place correctly, buttons checked on their shirt to ensure it was done up properly, a hand over their hair to make sure it wasn’t standing up, glasses picked up and slid over their face, and finally a coat shrugged over slender shoulders. For a moment they stood there thinking how utterly fucking stupid it was that gender could be judged based off of someones clothing of all things before taking the ashtray to dump the ashes out in the trash, and than leaving their home. It was time to go to work.

Next year it would remember it’s gender once again, and take a moment to consider it again and just like the year previous and before that and before that it would come to the same conclusion.

That the whole thing was stupid, and it wanted no part of it at all.

Except perhaps as a kink.

(( * @astrxae ** @bioniczaunites *** @misstantabismuses @oculusxcaro * hope you all don't mind the tags. Slight fourth wall breaks as Alexis ponders the types of people they might want to tell, and also because I thought you all might be interested but no worries at all if not.))

[bdbsvirtualjournal]

A Presentation - 15/10/2023

For the possibility that someone will stumble upon my page, I want to write a short presentation or bio for the potential stranger, but also for me too since I never actually wrote about me. Or discuss me in any way outside my mind.

So, I'm B. , I'm 21 years old at the making of this page, and I live in Timisoara. I've always lived here and I actually really love my city. I don't really plan to move from here, definitely at least. It is a big city, but with a low density so it gives small towns vibes sometimes. It is like a compromise between the stability of small communities but it also has the opportunities for a good career. I am studying Telecommunications here at the Polytechnic University. Even though the field itself is nice and in the 3rd year the courses seem more interesting to me, I can't say that I'm deeply passionate or interested in this domain at large. It mostly sparks a passive curiosity, but it never evolved into something I see myself dedicating my free time. My interests revolve around humanities.

I am tall person with an overall strong build, I work out and cycle a lot, but I don't relate in any way to masculinity. I consider myself gender-queer, my relation with gender being quite complex. Not just on an identity basis, I have feminine features as well. For as much as I can remember, people always remarked my unusual traits. 'Your nails are so beautiful, you should paint them' or 'Did you put mascara on?' are some of the earliest I heard. But that's a discussion for another time.

My political and moral views about the world are deeply left wing. Since my childhood I always took an interest on the human and social parts of the world and history. I was always concerned with how people lived their lives, what was their routine and how did they got throughout the day, rather than focusing on strategic things like battles armies or heroes. Most of the literature I liked growing up was about the human condition.

I am also a Christian. I am an Eastern Orthodox Christian. I go to Church every Sunday, mostly because I am also an Altar boy. I like helping and being deep in my local community. I really like Theology and the history of the Church. It is really fascinating how smart people interpret the Holy Texts and how much meaning they extract from Them and how they created a big system around it. However I'm not a spiritual person, I can't say that I FEEL the divinity.

If I had to describe my "'personality" in a psychological (or pseudo at least) I'd say that I'm an introvert. I don't really like to be surrounded constantly by people. I like staying in house and putting time into my interests. I enjoy the time I spend alone and sometimes I need it like a it's a necessity. However I don't consider myself anti social in any aspect. I can get along with most people, form amicable relations with most people and I can entertain discussions, be them casual or on specific subjects, joking or serious. I also seek people that have similar interests as me. I seek real and genuine human connections, just like anyone else for that matter.

As for my hobbies and interests, I have a deep passion for arts, in special for literature, music and movies. I could talk about those all day. I also enjoy other forms of media such as animations and video games, but not that much as I used to do a while ago. I watch way too much YouTube vids. I also love animals, especially birds. I own a lot of pets and domestic animals.

In my spare time outside the house, I go to concerts. A lot of them. I know every venue in my city and some in others. If there's a concert, most likely I'm there or at least I know about it. There are some places that revolve around cultural stuff but not that many. Just some libraries, some art hubs and small cinemas. I'm also there from time to time. I will get more into what types of music and literature I like, but another time.

Overall I'd describe myself as man of contradictions and conflicting ideas. I study in STEM but my passion is in humanities. I am progressive person and I would describe myself as socialist and/or anarchist but I'm also a practicing Christian in one of the most conservative denominations. I think about my gender identity way more than most people do. I can get along with everyone and I rarely feel alone, and most of the time I can find someone to distract me from that feeling, but I always felt like an outsider who can't find that easily someone that TRULY gets everything. Even my city has contradictions. Even thought I like in a big city (at the outskirts of it indeed but still in the city) I live in a basically rural area and I have farm animals. I don't care about the concept of nationality and overall I hate nationalistic ideas. On the internet I've always adopted other nationalities and formed my personas around them (for example I pretended to be Hungarian on Facebook to trigger dumb Romanians). But I also feel attached to this place I the thought of me not being here scares me. I know that I will miss it.

While I do have all of this contradictions in my life, I don't feel emotionally affected by them, but I do want to explore them more and maybe learn something about myself, that's why I want to journal my thoughts more.

[butch-reidentified]

oh I gotta unpack this one.... this just strikes me as such an odd reaction, honestly.

first - I have to ask, why on earth did you jump to violence?? neither OOP nor OP even remotely hinted at violent thoughts or intentions toward TIMs who disregarded their boundaries. what about this post caused that to enter your mind? I'm not seeing the connection. It certainly didn't pop into my mind on reading the initial post, as my understanding is that by and large, women who feel afraid and/or violated do not have a tendency to react with violence (sometimes even when they should, in self defense situations 😕).

like, as far as I am aware, there's no epidemic of women acting on their own or forming violent angry mobs and maiming TIMs after they've used our restroom - especially without doing anything besides relieving themselves, as in your provided hypothetical. women are socialized to be more passive, men are socialized to be more confrontational, and sadly, many people never get the opportunity to unlearn gendered socialization.

it also is odd to me that you said "just ignores your demands." I am going to give benefit of the doubt here on the word "just," thought I admit I tend to suspect an intent to minimize when I see this word in similar contexts. but here I must reiterate that neither OOP nor OP said anything about making demands, or even confronting the males in question. Both of them spoke of how these behaviors reflect on those who engage in them, and that is all. Neither alluded to what she would do if condronted with a TIM in a women's restroom.

But the thing that I found actually alarming in your response was "ignores your consent (not all women's)," as if this is a normal, acceptable, or remotely ethical thing to say. What exactly did you mean by that? Because it sure sounds like implying it's fine to violate some women's consent to cater to male feelings just because not all 4 billion female humans on earth share the same feelings/perspectives/boundaries. Whatever you meant, *that* is how it comes across, and I find it hard to imagine anything you could claim to have meant that would make this make sense as a mere miscommunication.

And then you seem to rephrase "ignores your consent" as "ignores your demands." Do you hear how that sounds?

Moreover, let's talk connotation: "consent" versus "demands." If I have to tell you that "demands" conveys an image of someone being unreasonable, whiny, petty, spoiled, and entitled, if not a straight-up violent criminal holding people hostage to make demands. "Consent," on the other hand, brings to the mind mutual respect, healthy boundaries, love and intimacy, and honoring the rights of the human individual.

The thing is, we don't want to battle males out of our spaces. Your response is part of the problem that OOP was talking about - the narcissistic and entitled "What are you gonna do about it?" attitude so many gender identity ideologues express toward this subject. It's an attitude of conquering, of bullies. It is not an attitude of a desperate, endangered minority fighting for basic human rights (peeing was already equally legal for everyone, actually! choosing which bathroom is a "right" only trans people get). We want males to be decent enough to respect women's humanity and consequently our boundaries and consent. We want that so so so so so so so fucking badly! We want males to have enough of a conscience to stop and think, "Hmm, I know for a fact that a huge number of women vocally find this behavior upsetting, frightening, violating, and/or triggering, and it's pretty likely that many more women quietly share those sentiments. I need to fight for another solution to my problem here, because I would feel deeply guilty if I made even one woman feel those things."

By 4th grade, I was changing in the bathroom stalls at my school while most girls changes in the locker room. Not because I was ashamed or insecure about my body, but because I knew I was attracted to other girls and I couldn't even stomach the thought of accidentally making one of my peers feel uncomfortable if she realized that, or if - god forbid - I was ever staring into space while daydreaming and thos caused another girl to think I was staring at her changing. These were very irrational anxieties, as I never stared at a girl who was changing ever in my life, and anyway was very much still closeted. But I chose to separate myself because the right of causing even a single girl to feel violated or objectified was agonizing to me.

So it strikes me very acutely clearly to see the bottomless pit of apathy, the utter disregard that males have for us. I had no actual reason to think I might cause a girl any discomfort in the slightest whatsoever, and I was NINE years old, and yet I did not think twice about my decision to prioritize their feeling safe and comfortable over anything I might have felt or wanted.

Males hear from COUNTLESS women and girls how negatively their behavior affects so many of them, and they don't fucking care! The complete opposite of what I felt, they often don't hesitate to strut into our locker rooms with chests puffed and bare dicks flapping around (Lia Thomas is a great example of this). So we are to tolerate our disregarded boundaries and consent, our compromised rights our great grandmothers fought for, and all too often our safety, to "affirm the identity" and accommodate the feelings of our "vulnerable sisters" who act suspiciously like typical entitled and self-centered men.

🤡

TiM’s are wannabe r*pists.

Women’s consent means nothing to them and they will ignore it each and every time.

[duckprintspress]

Ten Things We Hate About Trad Pub

Often when I say “I’ve started a small press; we publish the works of those who have trouble breaking into traditional publishing!” what people seem to hear is “me and a bunch of sad saps couldn’t sell our books in the Real World so we’ve made our own place with lower standards.” For those with minimal understanding of traditional publishing (trad pub), this reaction is perhaps understandable? But, truly, there are many things to hate about traditional publishing (and, don’t get me wrong - there are things to love about trad pub, too, but that’s not what this list is about) and it’s entirely reasonable for even highly accomplished authors to have no interest in running the gauntlet of genre restrictions, editorial control, hazing, long waits, and more, that make trad pub at best, um, challenging, and at worst, utterly inaccessible to many authors - even excellent ones.

Written in collaboration with @jhoomwrites, with input from @ramblingandpie, here is a list of ten things that we at Duck Prints Press detest about trad pub, why we hate it, and why/how we think things should be different!

(Needless to say, part of why we created Duck Prints Press was to...not do any of these things... so if you’re a writer looking for a publishing home, and you hate these things, too, and want to write with a Press that doesn’t do them...maybe come say hi?)

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1. Work lengths dictated by genre and/or author experience.

Romance novels can’t be longer than 90,000 words or they won’t sell! New authors shouldn’t try to market a novel longer than 100,000 words!

A good story is a good story is a good story. Longer genre works give authors the chance to explore their themes and develop their plots. How often an author has been published shouldn’t put a cap on the length of their work.

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2. Editors assert control of story events...except when they don’t.

If you don’t change this plot point, the book won’t market well. Oh, you’re a ten-time bestseller? Write whatever you want, even if it doesn’t make sense we know people will buy it.

Sometimes, a beta or an editor will point out that an aspect of a story doesn’t work - because it’s nonsensical, illogical, Deus ex Machina, etc. - and in those cases it’s of course reasonable for an editor to say, “This doesn’t work and we recommend changing it, for these reasons…” However, when that list of reasons begins and ends with, “...because it won’t sell…” that’s a problem, especially because this is so often applied as a double standard. We’ve all read bestsellers with major plot issues, but those authors get a “bye” because editors don’t want to exert to heavy a hand and risk a proven seller, but with a new, less experienced, or worse-selling author, the gloves come off (even though evidence suggests time and again that publishers’ ability to predict what will sell well is at best low and at worst nonexistent.)

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3. A billion rejection letters as a required rite of passage (especially when the letters aren't helpful in pinpointing why a work has been rejected or how the author can improve).

Well, my first book was rejected by a hundred Presses before it was accepted! How many rejection letters did you get before you got a bite? What, only one or two? Oh…

How often one succeeds or fails to get published shouldn’t be treated as a form of hazing, and we all know that how often someone gets rejected or accepted has essentially no bearing on how good a writer they are. Plenty of schlock goes out into the world after being accepted on the first or second try...and so does plenty of good stuff! Likewise, plenty of schlock will get rejected 100 times but due to persistence, luck, circumstances, whatever, finally find a home, and plenty of good stuff will also get rejected 100 times before being publishing. Rejections (or lack there of) as a point of pride or as a means of judging others needs to die as a rite of passage among authors.

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4. Query letters, for so many reasons.

Summarize all your hard work in a single page! Tell us who you’re like as an author and what books your story is like, so we can gauge how well it’ll sell based on two sentences about it! Format it exactly the way we say or we won’t even consider you!

For publishers, agents, and editors who have slush piles as tall as Mount Everest...we get it. There has to be a way to differentiate. We don’t blame you. Every creative writing class, NaNoWriMo pep talk, and college lit department combine to send out hundreds of thousands of people who think all they need to do to become the next Ernest Hemingway is string a sentence together. There has to be some way to sort through that pile...but God, can’t there be a better way than query letters? Especially since even with query letters being used it often takes months or years to hear back, and...

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5. "Simultaneous submissions prohibited.”

No, we don’t know when we’ll get to your query, but we’ll throw it out instantly if you have the audacity to shop around while you wait for us.

The combination of “no simultaneous submissions” with the query letter bottleneck makes success slow and arduous. It disadvantages everyone who aims to write full-time but doesn’t have another income source (their own, or a parents’, or a spouse’s, or, or or). The result is that entire classes of people are edged out of publishing solely because the process, especially for writers early in their career, moves so glacially that people have to earn a living while they wait, and it’s so hard to, for example, work two jobs and raise a family and also somehow find the time to write. Especially considering that the standard advice for dealing with “no simultaneous submissions” is “just write something else while you wait!” ...the whole system screams privilege.

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6. Genres are boxes that must be fit into and adhered to.

Your protagonist is 18? Then obviously your book is Young Adult. It doesn’t matter how smutty your book is, erotica books must have sex within the first three chapters, ideally in the first chapter. Sorry, we’re a fantasy publisher, if you have a technological element you don’t belong here…

While some genre boxes have been becoming more like mesh cages of late, with some flow of content allowed in and out, many remain stiff prisons that constrict the kinds of stories people can tell. Even basic cross-genre works often struggle to find a place, and there’s no reason for it beyond “if we can’t pigeon-hole a story, it’s harder to sell.” This edges out many innovative, creative works. It also disadvantages people who aren’t as familiar with genre rules. And don’t get me wrong - this isn’t an argument that, for example, the romance genre would be improved by opening up to stories that don’t have “happily ever afters.” Instead, it’s pointing out - there should also be a home for, say, a space opera with a side romance, an erotica scene, and a happily-for-now ending. Occasionally, works breakthrough, but for the most part stories that don’t conform never see the light of day (or, they do, but only after Point 2 - trad pub editors insist that the elements most “outside” the box be removed or revised).

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7. The lines between romance and erotica are arbitrary, random, and hetero- and cis-normative.

This modern romance novel won’t sell if it doesn’t have an explicit sex scene, but God forbid you call a penis a penis. Oh, no, this is far too explicit, even though the book only has one mlm sex scene, this is erotica.

The difference between “romance” and “erotica” might not matter so much if not for the stigmas attached to erotica and the huge difference in marketability and audience. The difference between “romance” and “erotica” also might not matter so much if not for the fact that, so often, even incredibly raunchy stories that feature cis straight male/cis straight female sex scenes are shelved as romance, but the moment the sex is between people of the same gender, and/or a trans or genderqueer person is involved, and/or the relationship is polyamorous, and/or the characters involved are literally anything other than a cis straight male pleasuring a cis straight female in a “standard” way (cunnilingus welcome, pegging need not apply)...then the story is erotica. Two identical stories will get assigned different genres based on who the people having sex are, and also based on the “skill” of the author to use ludicrous euphemisms (instead of just...calling body parts what they’re called…), and it’s insane. Non-con can be a “romance” novel, even if it’s graphically described. “50 Shades of Gray” can sell millions of copies, even containing BDSM. But the word “vagina” gets used once...bam, erotica. (Seriously, the only standard that should matter is the Envelope Analogy).

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8. Authors are expected to do a lot of their own legwork (eg advertising) but then don't reap the benefits.

Okay, so, you’re going to get an advance of $2,500 on this, your first novel, and a royalty rate of 5% if and only if your advance sells out...so you’d better get out there and market! Wait, what do you mean you don’t have a following? Guess you’re never selling out your advance…

Trad pub can generally be relied on to do some marketing - so this item is perhaps better seen as an indictment of more mid-sized Presses - but, basically, if an author has to do the majority of the work themselves, then why aren’t they getting paid more? What’s the actual benefit to going the large press/trad pub route if it’s not going to get the book into more hands? It’s especially strange that this continues to be a major issue when self-publishing (which also requires doing one’s own marketing) garners 60%+ royalty rates. Yes, the author doesn’t get an advance, and they don’t get the cache of ~well I was published by…~, but considering some Presses require parts of advances to get paid back if the initial run doesn’t sell out, and cache doesn’t put food on the table...pay models have really, really got to change.

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9. Fanfiction writing doesn't count as writing experience

Hey there Basic White Dude, we see you’ve graduated summa cum laude from A Big Fancy Expensive School. Of course we’ll set you up to publish your first novel you haven’t actually quite finished writing yet. Oh, Fanperson, you’ve written 15 novels for your favorite fandom in the last 4 years? Get to the back of the line!

Do I really need to explain this? The only way to get better at writing is to write. Placing fanfiction on official trad pub “do not interact” lists is idiotic, especially considering many of the other items on this list. (They know how to engage readers! They have existing followings! They understand genre and tropes!) Being a fanfiction writer should absolutely be a marketable “I am a writer” skill. Nuff said. (To be clear, I’m not saying publishers should publish fanfiction, I’m saying that being a fanfiction writer is relevant and important experience that should be given weight when considering an author’s qualifications, similar to, say, publishing in a university’s quarterly.)

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10. Tagging conventions (read: lack thereof).

Oh, did I trigger you? Hahahaha. Good luck with that.

We rate movies so that people can avoid content they don’t like. Same with TV shows and video games. Increasingly, those ratings aren’t just “R - adult audiences,” either; they contain information about the nature of the story elements that have led to the rating (“blood and gore,” “alcohol reference,” “cartoon violence,” “drug reference,” “sexual violence,” “use of tobacco,” and many, many more). So why is it that I can read a book and, without warning, be surprised by incest, rape, graphic violence, explicit language, glorification of drug and alcohol use, and so so much more? That it’s left to readers to look up spoilers to ensure that they’re not exposed to content that could be upsetting or inappropriate for their children or, or, or, is insane. So often, too, authors cling to “but we don’t want to give away our story,” as if video game makes and other media makers do want to give away their stories. This shouldn’t be about author egos or ~originality~ (as if that’s even a thing)...it should be about helping readers make informed purchasing decisions. It’s way, way past time that major market books include content warnings.

Thank you for joining us, this has been our extended rant about how frustrated we are with traditional publishing. Helpful? No. Cathartic? Most definitely yes. 🤣

*

Have a question about writing? Drop us an ask!

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[lavynrose]

Artem and his S/O confessing at the same time pt. 2

Title: Dedicated

Pairing/s: Artem Wing X Reader

Pronouns: Gender Neutral

Genre: FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF TOOTH ROTTING FLUFF

Warning/s: grammatical errors

Notes: ok so!!! thank you so much for waiting <3 one thing i'd like to say is that i recommend reading part 1 before this bc it creates a build-up for the story's conclusion. There are some parts here that needed context from part 1. Enjoy!

part 1 here

He couldn't ask for more.

The sunset spilled all around the theme park, the golden intricates of the the railings sparkled than ever before. The orange radiance of the solemn sun gives the park an even more golden glow.

Artem looked around, taking in the seemingly perfect view of what can be only described as serene. The laughter of groups of friends, families walking hand-in-hand, couples giving their significant other loving looks, people enjoying themselves left and right, the quaint smell of hotdogs and popcorn.

You spending your time with him.

The sunset made this picturesque scenery even more breathtaking, and he could come here everyday if only allowed.

Right now, right in this very moment, everything is glowing.

Especially you.

"That was really fun!" the enthusiasm in your voice never fails to make him feel the same. He loves seeing you have fun, without a care in the world. He admits, he also enjoyed getting splashed by water on the raft ride.

He unconsciously offered his arm to link with yours and when you took it as you gazed at him, he's more than satisfied.

You fit so perfectly in his arms, it feels as if you're the missing puzzle piece he never knew his being had. Even having dried after getting soaked from the raft, the warmth that your touch radiated fills his senses with comfort.

This moment of getting to spend time with the person he profoundly longed for was enough for him. Enough for now. You don't need to know his affections for now.

Does he really need to let you know?

His feelings?

It'll probably make your relationship awkward. He's not ready to risk the sweet smiles and playful looks you direct towards him just for his own selfishness.

It doesn't matter. He'll love you even if you won't, anyway.

He then stopped in his tracks, you followed suit. Not caring about the people around you. Lost in the little world the two of you shared. He looked down at your form, "Yes it was. I enjoyed it very much." because you're with me, he wanted to add but instead of saying those words, an amiable look in his cerulean eyes twinkled, and an adoring smile latched upon his features instead.

Almost as if he's telling you an unspoken confession.

His expression however, turned into mild surprise when he noticed how your gaze was filled with enchantment. With a soft glint in your lidded eyes, your brows are knitted together. You were silent.

It baffled him.

Why.

'Why are you looking at me like that?' Artem wanted to blurt out. His mouth opened to say something.

It was unclear to him as to why you looked like you were staring at his very soul.

'Why are you looking at me like,' he can't help but ask himself as he continued to scrutinize your tranced gaze, 'like you want to say the same words I desperately wanted to tell you?'

Are his feelings reciprocated?

You blinked and suddenly looked away, "Uhh, Artem, I-"

"Everyone! One more hour to go for the fireworks! Please look forward to it!" The both of you landed your eyes on the speaker, then on each other.

Artem cleared his throat, pulling the collar of his turtleneck, "You were saying?" he inquired, voice and features laced with curiosity.

You cleared your throat and pulled on your collar, mirroring him, "I..." you started as your eyes darted as if you were looking for excuses, then your orbs glinted with realization and faced Artem, "I just wanted to say that we should take pictures! This is a memorable night after all."

His eyes begin to scan the theme park and his gaze found a small photobooth just beside the merry-go-round.

"Good idea. We haven't had anything to commemorate today's fun." He brushed off your weird behavior earlier as you dragged him towards your destination.

There weren't too many people in the waiting line, there were multiple photobooths, plenty enough to not create a line of more than five costumers per booth.

As soon as it was your turn, you excitedly rummaged through the cute costumes the guests can wear in the photos.

"Look Artem," you snapped your fingers to get his attention, "This would look cute on you!" You squealed as you waved the headband with cat ears in front of his face.

This kind of trend has been circling around lately. No matter how much of a busy man Artem is, he still has seen some posts about this on the internet...

Catboy culture, wasn't it? He wondered.

"You should wear one, too." He suggested. He gingerly took the headband from you and after a few moments of hesitation, he finally gave in to the anticipation in your eyes.

Your eyes were practically sparkling taking in the sight of catboy Artem in the flesh.

"Oh my gosh." You breathed, gaping at him.

Artem blinked. "Is there something on my face?" He then turned to the mirror to check what's wrong, nothing seems to be out of the ordinary though.

"It's nothing!" You frantically waved your hand and gestured towards the camera, "Let's take a photo!" you grinned, wearing cat ears identical to Artem's.

You guys started the photoshoot with your hands making peace signs.

Ah, the classic.

The few shots after just consisted of you putting on different faces while Artem just wore different headbands each shot, with the same pose.

"You guys, please act cuter for the camera! " The photographer suddenly commented.

Isn't Y/N cute enough? Artem internally recoiled.

"Young man, put your arms around your date or something, or do a heart pose together! " Mr. Photographer added.

Artem looked back at you, his eyes meeting yours, both were wide with surprise.

He cleared his throat for what seemed like the nth time today and looked at you for approval, "Do you want to?" he asked as his hands formed half a heart.

Your cheeks lighted aflame as you raised your hand, forming half a heart to connect it with his, "I don't mind."

As your fingers touched, Artem cannot control the pink flushing his cheeks as he smiled at the camera.

The photographer continued to instruct the both of you with how you should pose. He deserves a raise for doing his job really well, Artem thinks.

After of what it seemed like endless snaps of sappy pictures, the two of you decided to print all of them.

"Now we have lots of souvenirs!" you scanned each one of the photos and Artem can't help but think how good you two look together.

He thanked the photographer for putting his all into the shoot, then you both headed for the exit.

"How was it, Artem?" You turned towards him with a profound smile.

You have lots of photos together now. He can already see himself wide awake at night, staring at your couple-like pictures.

It was more than okay.

"It was a fun experience. The cat ears aren't bad." He said as he recalled how astonished you looked when he wore the headband.

"We spent almost 20 minutes there..." You sighed as you looked at your watch.

Artem unconsciously checked his wrist watch as well, "There are 40 minutes left before the fireworks. Do you want to check out more rides before then?"

You surveyed the theme park to look for more booths, "Look at that, Artem." you pointed toward the large and loud crowd at the park's quadrangle.

"Perharps it's someone performing." Artem guessed, hearing the strums of a guitar from the speakers.

"Let's check it out!" Curious, you and Artem shuffled yourselves into the crowd. The faint singing voice grew more and more audible as you got closer to the center of the attraction.

You headed to the front for the best audience experience and the singer came into view, "Isn't that?" Artem's eyes were as wide as saucers when he recognized the person singing.

Funny how you weren't surprised, and he wondered why.

There at the center, sitting at a stool with a guitar in hand, singing with a gold microphone in front of him, was the new employee at the firm, William.

Artem frowned.

That's the guy. The guy who was getting too cozy with you, the guy causing the unpleasant pangs inside his chest.

The guy who was one of the reasons why he got the courage to ask you out on this date in the first place.

The feeling of delight earlier was now replaced by uneasiness.

"I didn't know he was a performer." Artem murmured, and he kept glancing at you.

When he saw that you were clapping your hands and a proud smile has decorated your lips - one that's not aimed him, a sudden bitter feeling overwhelmed his whole being.

You looked very happy, and he hung his head low.

He vividly remembered your smiling faces in the office yesterday, and how William seem to always hang around you.

Artem realized he wasn't special. The warm look that he witnessed from you earlier in the sunset, the look that made him think that you reciprocated his feelings, you probably do that to everyone.

He felt so stupid.

While everyone was watching William hit the notes and strum the strings, Artem was watching your every reactions, only for him to get hurt on the inside.

His heart hurts, the clenching feeling in his chest tightening with every cheer that you voiced.

He's glad it was you who were causing this pain, though.

The crowd boomed with claps and shouts as the last note finished the song, and Artem wasn't in the mood to join them.

6:30pm

"Aren't you going to greet him?" Artem's voice made you look up to him, his brows furrowed and he wasn't making eye contact.

You just brushed his behaviour off and said, "Nope. I wouldn't want to disturb him on this special day!" you felt giddy, knowing that you helped William to set this all up.

As soon as his first day in the office, which was around a month ago, he had overheard you and Kiki talking about the big opening of PAX's amusement park, and kept asking questions about the event. He then learned you were friends with the heir, Marius.

You've never seen a face as shocked as William's when he learned that.

He even made Kiki contact her insiders about the soon to be opened theme park.

Kiki asked why he was so curious, and he said he performs on gigs as a hobby, balancing it with his law career, and that he loves performing ever since he was a kid.

"Performing on the theme park's opening would definitely give me more opportunities!" He sounded so passionate that you can't help but support him.

He became bashful though, as he said, "Besides, I've been looking for an opportunity to surprise my girlfriend next month," you and Kiki beamed at him, "This would make her happy, as I made a new song that I specifically made as a gift for her birthday. I'll sing it on the opening if I'm allowed."

That's why ever since, you became close with William. Whenever you talk though, he almost always talk about her girlfriend.

"30 minutes remaining for the fireworks display!!!" The speakers announced.

You were excited for the fireworks, and an idea popped out of your mind.

"Artem," you called him out "Let's ride on the ferries wheel, that way we're up in the sky as the fireworks erupt," you dragged him to the ferris wheel's ticketing booth, "I heard that it takes 20-30 minutes for a capsule to be on top of the wheel, the time is perfect for us!"

"Can we be alone in the capsule?" Artem suddenly requested, his eyes filled with a look you can't fathom. He looked so vulnerable.

"Yes, that's actually normal. We can request that for the youngest senior attorney with 99% win rate!" You grinned and you expected him to send you one of his gentle smiles, but he just turned his head away, and looked at the distance.

You take a good look at him again once you got the tickets, he's still looking away, a solemn demeanor in his face.

You can't help but wonder what he's thinking. He's been acting a little weird, you thought.

Does he not want to hang out with you anymore?

"Artem, if you don't want to, you can tell me. I won't be mad." You eyed him with concern, "We can just sit on the bench or something." you suggested.

Just like that, his expression changed quickly, regret clouding his face, "Y/N," he sighed, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that with my actions," he stared at you for a few seconds, then you noticed that light was back in his eyes, the fond smile you liksd seeing is back again, "The ferris wheel is perfect." He then grabbed yoir waist and guided you both to the capsule.

You grinned, "I requested a capsule for only the two of us!" you waved the tickets at him, he chuckled and grabbed it from you to give to the person managing the capsules.

The capsule was air-condition inside, with big windows to get a good view of the outside. You expected nothing from a device created by PAX.

Across from you, Artem sits, his mood is a little better now, but you can't help but notice the silent sadness his cerulean eyes hold still.

You don't like seeing him like this.

"Hey, Artem?" you half-whispered, not wanting to surprise him from his reverie.

His eyes met yours, "Yes?" he responded gently.

"You know you can trust me with your problems, right?" You started, you don't let his surprised expression distract you from what you want to say, "I will listen intently to your troubles, and we'll find a way to solve them together! " You declared with the brightest smile you could ever muster, "So please, share your burdens with me. I'll carry them with you." You finished with a toothy grin.

He blinked a few times before finally shaking his head with fondness, "Thank you, Y/N. I want you to know that you are special to me." His face is suddenly filled with so much endearment you quickly looked away, "Uhh, Of course!" your face flushed red and you raised your hide in an attempt to hide it.

Artem chuckled, the sound giving you a sense of comfort and security. You looked up to him again and saw his features get illuminated by the lights flickering in the theme park, his adoring eyes lingering on you.

Like yours was lingering on him.

You smiled at each other, letting the other feel that they're not alone in the battles they're facing.

What are you to each other, anyway? You pondered when you decided to avert your eyes away from him first.

As far as you can recall, friends don't do this kind of thing with each other. The staring, the blushing. Oh, especially the blushing.

You can't help but long for the possibility of having your feelings reciprocated, but oh boy were you afraid.

"Can I sit beside you?" His question brought you to your senses, and you happily obliged, "Of course! This capsule isn't shaky, we'll be okay being on the same side." You made space for him as you patted the empty space. There he sat, his scent enveloping your senses.

It was silent for the whole ride up, but you were comfortable with it. You were with the person you love, being with them is enough.

7:00pm

Your capsule was right on top when suddenly, a boom was heard and splashes of color was seen through the window.

"Artem!" you pointed at the big, colorful patch of explosion that's a little bit below the capsule you were in.

The ferries wheel was so high that you were higher than the fireworks!

The fireworks was on your side of the window, you can see the view to it's fullest glory.

"Whoa!" you exclaimed, your eyes astonished by the scene before you. Your hands flat against the window, when you suddenly felt a body pressed against your back, and a hot breath against your ear, "It's amazing" you heard Artem mutter, as his breaths fanned the hairs on your neck, before resting his chin on your shoulder.

You yelped, you forgot Artem was just beside you!

Your heart pounded against your ribcage when you realized that in order for Artem to see the fireworks, he needs to look at your side of the window.

Heck, your thighs were touching, and you can feel every ounce of heat that his muscular body radiated. He's practically caging you and this small, suffocating space of a capsule isn't helping!

Despite the unbelievable heat that your whole body is feeling right now, you badly wanted him to wrap his arms around you.

Something was pooling in your stomach, something weird. All you can think about right now is Artem kissing you against the window while you sit on his lap.

Warmth filled your already heated cheeks upon realization of what you just imagined, and you mentally slapped yourself. What were you thinking?

The smell of his vanilla cologne isn't helping!

Nobody has ever made you feel this way before. No other person has affected you like this. You think about the things that this man had done for you, he was selfless, hardworking, and most of all, kind.

Especially the smiles he had always shown you. Those smiles filled with comfort and fondness that makes you weak in the knees. Whenever you see that smile, you find yourself looking forward in seeing it again.

To you, Artem Wing was unobtainable.

Yet you wanted to make him yours.

7:01pm

"Artem!" you pointed below with an enthusiastic grin as the fireworks boomed and splashed the sky above the theme park.

His body scooted over to you without realizing, eyes widening with glee and he muttered, "It's amazing" Artem leaned towards you, placing his chin on your shoulder for him to get better view of the fireworks display below.

It's taking every ounce of his control to not face you towards him and claim your lips then and there.

What you said earlier only fueled his raging feelings for you. You were willing to carry his burdens with him? He never had someone say that to him before, and he was happy it's from you.

The evening is flawless. The two of you were alone, having you near him like this, your decleration of support earlier, and a beautiful scenery before him that he won't get to see everyday...

A perfect evening to pour his heart out to you.

He decided that if there was a best time to confess his love for you, that time would be now. He didn't care about your answer right now, he just wanted to let it all out before this passionate feelings can drive him to insanity.

These feelings were driving him crazy, he wanted to let you know how you make him happy, that he thinks about you eveey second of every day, that you ground him and his lonely heart.

He noticed you were silent and unmoving, so he decided to take the chance. He took a deep breath.

"I'm in l-" "Can I ki-"

You turned your body to face him, surprised. Your face only a few centimeters away from his. One wrong move and you'll kiss.

The both of you blinked.

"You... go first." you said, biting your lip.

He stared deep into your eyes, none of you dared to move from this intimate position, your breaths fanning each other's faces.

"Y/N, I," he rested his forehead against yours and breathed with the most vulnerable voice you've ever heard from him, "I'm in love with you..."

You gaped, but he didn't mind.

He closed his eyes for a few seconds, "It's okay if you don't feel the same. I..." he opened his eyes to give you a loving gaze "I will keep loving you anyway."

He looked so vulnerable right now, but it didn't scare him. If anything, he feels relief in finally voicing out the feelings he's hidden for so long.

"I was in a bad mood today because I think you were interested in William," you just blinked and he continued, "I mean, you always look happy when you're with him. It crushed my heart." He finished as he waited for your response.

He waited, and waited.

The silence that you were giving him didn't give him any clue to what you were thinking, it's unnerving.

After of what seemed like an eternity you finally let out, "He has a girlfriend, silly." you see Artem's eyes widened and you continued, "It's a long story, but I'm not interested in him. We're just friends."

You felt the heat creep up his face.

"So... what were you going to tell me?" He said hesitantly as he gulped, the embarrasment from earlier evident in his voice.

Your cheeks flushed pink as you darted your eyes, it was now your turn to get really embarassed, "Can I..." your face looks conflicted. That if you say whatever you wanted to say, It'd be the death of you.

You took a deep breath, Artem told you his feelings, so it's only fair you tell him yours, you told yourself and mustered the courage to look up to his ocean eyes, a vast ocean so blue, you could drown in them, "Can I kiss you, Artem?"

It took a moment before he could fully process your words. His brain short-circuit.

"What?" He blurted out as he scanned your face for any signs that maybe, you have made a mistake.

but you replied, "I want to kiss you Artem," you put your hands on his shoulder to steady yourself, "I'm in love with you too."

His body tingled with so much joy, you being in love with him was just a distant dream before.

Not willing to wait anymore, he licked his lips as he slowly dipped his head to meet your already parted mouth, welcoming him.

You may or may not have kissed the entire way down the ride.

Artem Wing is a dedicated man.

Now, he's willing to dedicate himself to you for the rest of his life.

do not repost © lavynrose 08/16/21.

[gendercensus]

Supplementary survey: they/them reflexives, The Sir/Ma’am Issue, and Spivak vs. Elverson

This short, clarifying survey ran from 4th until 24th April 2021. There were 2,998 usable responses. Unlike the annual Gender Census survey, this one was open to anyone of any gender, provided they lived in an English-speaking country.

It asked about two things:

They/them verbs and reflexives - basically whether people who prefer they/them pronouns prefer the reflexive to be themself or themselves, and which people feel is more “correct”.

Sir/ma’am/? - investigating why people use sir/ma’am in areas where it’s polite and common to do so, and whether there are any viable nonbinary or gender-neutral alternatives.

This blog post will also investigate the Spivak vs. Elverson issue, which was actually a separate poll that took place on two social networks.

~

THEY/THEM VERBS AND REFLEXIVES

Someone asked about themself vs. themselves, and it reminded me of some of the they/them issues that people ask about in feedback boxes and various confusions surrounding them.

Singular they - what is it, and when and how do people use it?

Plural they - what is it, and when and how do people use it?

What is the “correct” reflexive for each of these?

You can see the statistics in more detail here, but here’s the graph as an overview:

Participants were asked a series of questions about singular they pronouns. Everyone was asked a “which is correct” question, and participants who sometimes or always like to be called ”they” were also asked about their personal preferences.

The graph is a view of only participants who sometimes or always like to be called “they”.

Verbs. As you can see, participants overwhelmingly (94.3%) wanted people to use plural verbs (”they are reading a book”) when talking about them in the third person - even though the percentage of people who thought that was the most “correct” form was a little lower (81.8%). This was lower because 11.4% of participants who preferred “they” answered “both are correct”.

Reflexives. People were much more likely to say that both themself and themselves were correct (28.3%), and more likely to have no preference between the two (17.4%). However, themself was still more popular overall at 59.3%, and 47.3% thought themself was grammatically correct.

You as a control. I also asked all participants whether yourself or yourselves was more correct when addressing one person as a kind of control question, because they is almost grammatically identical to you - it can refer to one person or multiple people, it takes plural verbs even when referring to/addressing one person, and in that situation only the reflexive changes. Many people who say that singular they is grammatically incorrect have no issues with singular you, so it seemed like something that might be interesting to compare. In the graph above you can see that 93.6% of people thought yourself was more correct; only 4.2% of they-accepting participants felt that both yourself and yourselves were equally correct when addressing one person.

There were a couple of things that came up several times in the comments:

“They is” is common in African-American Vernacular English (AAVE), and probably in other dialects too. As I don’t live in the US I’m pretty unfamiliar with this dialect, but either way that seems fine to me. It’s part of why I also asked for participants’ locations, because I wanted others to be able to download the results and see if some regions were more likely to use some words/constructions than others.

There were some alternatives to themself and themselves presented, such as theirself and theirsen. Both of these points lead nicely to the third...

The idea that any language choice is more “correct” than another is quite prescriptive. What feels correct or natural varies depending on a lot of factors, such as where in the world you learned English, and there is no such thing as objective correctness when it comes to such a broad and variable language as English.

I am aware of and agree with that third bullet point, so my asking which phrases were more “correct” was a bit of a trick question. It was a good way to get a feel for people’s linguistic instincts.

I also thought it was interesting that participants who never wanted to be called they were slightly more likely to side with the most popular view on what is “correct” across the board, and less likely to say “both are correct”.

~

PLURAL VS. SINGULAR THEY

I actually ran another version of this survey first and then scrapped the responses, because it was clear that my survey design was leading to some pretty confused and unhelpful data! Among other things, it asked participants whether they preferred singular or plural they for themselves and then directed them to particular questions based on their answer, and the comments suggested that people either didn’t really understand the distinction or meant different things by those terms, even though I had added help text.

This is my understanding:

Singular they is they/them pronouns when used to refer to one person. Verbs are usually plural (i.e. “they are” rather than “they is”), and themself and themselves are both common. Example usage: They are getting themself a cup of coffee. They bought themselves a nice new hat.

Plural they is they/them pronouns when used to refer to two or more people. Verbs are usually plural (i.e. “they are” rather than “they is”), and themselves is almost universal (with the exception of regional variations such as theirselves). Example usage: They are getting themselves some coffee together. They all bought hats for themselves.

Some plural/multiple people refer to themselves as “we” and prefer to be addressed as “they/themselves” (which they call plural they) because they are a group of individuals sharing one body.

The reason I initially asked directly about singular vs. plural they is because I was concerned that plural/multiple systems would cause some statistical confusion. Many plural people have asked me to add plural they to the checkbox list of pronouns in the annual survey, but since it has never been entered by over 1% of participants I have never had reason to do so. As far as I knew, the only difference between singular and plural they is the reflexive (themself for singular and themselves for plural), so I wanted to be able to investigate non-plural people in isolation, and I was curious to know about any trends or differences. I wanted to find out if I should be doing anything differently to ensure that Gender Census statistics are helpful.

So, I swapped out the badly-designed question for a straight-up checkbox, a “check this box if you’re plural/multiple” type of thing, with a note that participants should fill in the survey once per body wherever possible, and then I made some graphs.

Here you can see that plural systems were still more likely to prefer people to use themself to refer to them rather than themselves, though the margin is narrower:

Plural participants were also more likely to say that they sometimes or never want people to refer to them as they, whereas non-plural people were more likely to want people to always refer to them as they (or they just feel fine about it):

There’s not a lot in it, though. It’s all relatively evenly distributed, with no strong leader in either category there.

For the curious: 8.2% of participants checked the plural/multiple box.

In conclusion: plural and non-plural people alike all prefer people to use themself when referring to them in the third person using they/them pronouns, and I feel that there is probably no need to ask about plurality or separate out data from plural people in future. (Asking about this and seeing the responses did in part prompt me to start an anonymous feedback form for plural participants of the Gender Census, though.)

~

THE SIR/MA’AM ISSUE

For several years participants have been asking me in the feedback box of the annual Gender Census survey to also ask about gender-inclusive or nonbinary-specific alternatives to sir and ma’am. I’ve largely not done anything about it, because when informally asking around I’ve generally had the response “just don’t say sir or ma’am, just leave it out altogether.” I live in the UK, where if someone calls you sir/ma’am you’re either looking at home in a fancy restaurant for billionnaires or you’re being made fun of - or sometimes both.

However, during this year’s annual survey while talking about it in a little more depth I learned that there are places in the world where sir/ma’am is very common, required for politeness, and basically inescapable. Nonbinary people in those areas are really struggling, because they do actually need a nonbinary-friendly stand-in for those terms - omitting the sir/ma’am isn’t an option.

Again, the location question was asked so that anyone else downloading the spreadsheet of responses can analyse by region to find out whether sir/ma’am is ubiquitous in particular regions and in which contexts it is used, and can even check whether there is a region-specific alternative to sir/ma’am emerging. I asked several questions about sir/ma’am, including about reasons/contexts and personal preferences, and some superficial analysis is included on the spreadsheet of responses.

But the juicy bit is the nonbinary-specific and gender-inclusive alternative words, right?

[The counting formula is case-sensitive so I made everything lowercase to make the count a little more accurate.]

Suggested gender-inclusive alternatives to sir/ma’am

mx - 4.1% (151)

friend - 2.2%

comrade - 1.2%

captain - 0.7%

ser - 0.5%

mate - 0.4%

m - 0.3%

per - 0.3%

boss - 0.3%

folks - 0.3% (9)

Suggested nonbinary-specific alternatives to sir/ma’am

mx - 8.3% (250)

mix - 0.7%

tiz - 0.5%

friend - 0.4%

ser - 0.4%

comrade - 0.3%

mixter - 0.3%

captain - 0.2%

ind - 0.2%

mir - 0.2% (6)

So it looks like Mx (pronounced “mix” or with a toneless vowel that sounds a bit like “mux”) is the clear winner in both categories. If you want to try to introduce a gender-neutral version of sir/ma’am in your area this one is probably your best bet.

~

SPIVAK VS. ELVERSON

This wasn’t part of the same survey! It was a Twitter poll and a Mastodon poll that ran for one week and ended today, and I’m putting it here because it has to go somewhere.

Sometimes people refer to the ey/em and e/em “versions” of the Spivak pronoun set, which makes my eyebrows do things, because they’re not both Spivak. They are distinct established pronoun sets with their own names.

Spivak - e/em/eir/eirs/emself - written about by Michael Spivak in the 1990s. [source: Nonbinary Wiki]

Elverson - ey/em/eir/eirs/emself - created by Christine M Elverson in the 1970s. [source: Nonbinary Wiki]

The Elverson set is older, but it’s less well-known for some reason, so they’re assumed to be variants of Spivak due to the similarity in spelling.

I was recently asked how we can know which is more popular, given the “oh this checkbox option is close enough, I’ll just choose that instead of typing in my very slightly different set” effect and the “hmm this checkbox option is very close to my set, I’m probably meant to choose this one” effect, plus the boost that checkbox options get with the “oh I hadn’t thought of that one but yeah, why not” effect. Spivak (e/em) is on the checkbox list of pronouns in the annual survey, so it appears to be much more popular than Elverson (ey/em)... but is it really?

I ran a poll on both Twitter and Mastodon, and then used a spreadsheet to extract the useful numbers. There were 141 relevant votes after one week. I wouldn’t usually make annual-survey-altering decisions based on a sample that small, but in this case the results are extremely decisive:

It seems that the highest proportion of people who like at least one of the sets are happy for both to be used, at 48%. 45% prefer ey/em (Elverson) and 7% prefer e/em (Spivak). This is pretty stunning! I’ve been presenting e/em (Spivak) as a checkbox option on the Gender Census annual survey for years, possibly since the first survey in 2013, and because it’s a checkbox option it seems to be consistently a lot more popular than ey/em (Elverson). That’s 4.3% and 0.6% respectively in the 2021 survey. But this poll suggests that actually ey/em (Elverson) is much more popular when the two pronoun sets are viewed on a level playing field.

When you remove all “I don’t mind” votes, you get this:

Over 6 times as many people prefered Elverson!

I will definitely be adding Elverson to the Gender Census next year, just so that we can split the e/em and ey/em votes and really get to the bottom of this.

Anyway, while we’re on the topic, ey/em takes singular verbs most of the time.

[thechekhov]

Hi! I saw on a post that you're agender and I'm kinda questioning my gender (again) but what interested me more about that post was that you said you believe that gender is a social construct and I'm not really familiar with that theory. I was wondering if you could explain to me what the whole idea is? (bc I kinda only feel like a have a gender in social situations? In my head, my dreams and how I picture myself in the future, I'm genderless idjskahwksjejensj) Sorry for bothering you if I did.

This is a BIG topic and it opens a LOT of wormholes. 

We’re gonna do this in pie slice statements that will hopefully help explain what I mean. Please keep in mind I’m going to simplify many things for the sake of readability.

1) What is a social construct? 

Social constructs are ideas that are negotiated by social groups. Something being a social construct does not make it ‘not real’. 

For example, money is a social construct. Yes, we have cash - coins, credit cards - but these are physical props that are REPRESENTATIVE of the idea of currency. You have some form of credit to your name - the money is a socially agreed-upon idea of value being represented by bills in your hand, by numbers in your bank account. 

[Description: Two humanoid figures are standing side by side. The right-side figure is holding a rock in its hand. 

Right side figure: Let’s agree that this shiny rock is worth 2 sheep.

Left side figure: Sounds fake but ok.]

Technically, countries are also social constructs. We, as a society, negotiate what a country is, and this can be changed.

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of a dotted line drawn on the ground. The left figure is pointing down at it while the right figure watches, its arms crossed.

Left figure: Let’s pretend that everything on this side of the imaginary line is mine.

Right figure: ...ok but my house is over there.

Left figure: ... for 3 shiny rocks you can come visit.]

Does that mean canada isn’t real? No. (I mean, obviously canada ISN’T real, but we all agree to pretend it is.) The thing that makes it real is that we are in agreement, and all follow the social rules of pretend to make it seem like the Canadian border, the idea of Canadian citizenship, etc... is an objective fact. (It’s not. These are in fact, negotiable limits and parameters. We have laws in place to define it in legal terms, but those laws can be changed, or may change in the minds of communities. That’s why it’s a construct.)

By that same token, I hold the view that gender, as we largely perceive it in modern society, is a construct. Why? Because it is not inherent; we, as a society, negotiate its meaning. 

2) What is gender? 

People will probably fight me on this and that’s fine, but here’s my (simplified) understanding of gender (from someone who personally has none)

Gender is a social category negotiated by cultures based on your assigned or desired role in your community that influences, among many other things, your physical appearance, your role in family units, your expected position in jobs, etc. 

How I think it happened:

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of the panel, both holding children-looking figures. The one on the left is wearing purple. The one on the right is wearing green.

Green figure: Hey, I’ve got an idea. What if we separate the babies into two groups based on physical traits they have no control over?

Purple figure: Wh-- okay...?

Green figure: And then limit the jobs they can do and the community ritual involvement available to them based on that!

Purple figure: ... I feel like this is going to backfire on us someday.

Green figure: Nah, it’ll be fine.

The past panel is a dramatic closeup on the purple figure’s face - which is featureless - betraying a deeply doubtful emotion. It says nothing.]

Important points to remember: what gender looks like, what the limits are, what the expectations are... are not inherent to any human biology. We make up gender roles. This is evident in the fact that across the world, gender roles differ by culture. The positions people of a certain gender are allowed to take up are different. What is perceived to be ‘girly’ or ‘boyish’ is different across cultures. 

Simply speaking - currently the (western) model we have, dumbed down, is:

You are assigned male at birth because of physical characteristics

You are raised being told to ‘toughen up’ and ‘boys don’t cry’ and encouraged not to show emotions

You are taught to wear male-coded clothes and discouraged from female-coded fashion choices

You are given more opportunities to participate in sports, encouraged to engage in physical activity, etc

You are not expected to need time off for child-rearing 

Here’s where gender as it works in society breaks down into being not a real thing but instead something we thought up: 

Nothing about having a penis necessitates wearing pants. Nothing about having XY chromosomes means you need to keep your hair short. Nothing about your genome makes the experience of nail-polish different for any human being. 

All of these are arbitrary traits we decided were allowed or not allowed to a specific group of people based on entirely unrelated physiology. 

Even if we delve deeper, there is MORE variation among individuals of the same ‘sex’ than there are, on average, of members of the ‘opposite sex’ when compared to each other. 

Many people use the excuse ‘women are physically not as strong as men’ to say that this has an evolutionary aspect driving these cultural, historical, socially-constructed gender requirements. 

But if there was a physical reasoning behind the culturally-set gender-limited job expectations, then we actually WOULDN’T need a traditional binary gender system to sort ourselves into categories. It would simply be decided as a meritocracy - stronger individuals, regardless of gender, would be given physically-demanding jobs. (Also we know that many jobs thought to be ‘traditionally male’ are just the result of sexist bullshit, so this reasoning doesn’t fly any further than I can throw it which is, coincidentally, not very far. Politics is one such area. Doctors are another. We can go on but I think you get my drift.)

My own example of this is an anecdote when my grandparents came to visit my partner and I in Japan. While we were driving down to Tokyo, my grandmother - who has a PhD in entomology - began to say that driving is a masculine activity and women shouldn’t be driving as it was ‘un-woman-like’. My partner almost immediately fired back that in Japan, studying insects or having any interest in them whatsoever was considered a heavily masculine-coded activity. In Russia, there is no such assignment, and my grandmother was left silently blinking in confusion, unable to come up with any excuse except ‘well, all cultures are different, I suppose...’

Do either of these things inherently have a gendered aspect? Of course not! But we assign gendered ideals to them anyway.

3) If gender is made up and constructed by society, then does that mean trans people aren’t real?

No.

Even if you agree that gender is a social construct, trans people are still real. TERFs don’t get a pass. Why? 

Because gender - as a social construct - still affects our everyday lives, dictates our social position in our community. Transitioning is still a thing that has to happen. The fact that you are NOT easily able to decide your own gender and are ostracized for wanting to transition, abused for dressing the way you want to be perceived, and bullied for wanting people to refer to you with different pronouns - all those are the effects of a social construct that has very REAL impact on our lives.

This is also why I dislike defining trans-ness by dysphoria. Because transgender people are not only their suffering - the suffering is coming from the outside!! Many trans people remember not being concerned about their gender identity in their childhood, because they did not yet perceive the world as being hostile to their desire to fulfil a specific role in society. The issues and self-hatred and dysphoria begins when they express wanting to be themselves - a life which they are forbidden from pursuing based on physical characteristics they were born with.

Does this mean we should try to remove gender from society? If we constructed it, we can deconstruct it, right?

Realistically, I highly doubt this is possible. Gender is so ingrained in our daily lives that it would be difficult. Nor, I would say, would it be necessary to achieve world peace. 

Having social groups - having gender - isn’t inherently a bad thing. The bad thing is when we limit those social groups to specific basic human rights, like voting, or when we forbid them from transitioning from one to another based on things that are out of their control. 

Also, I’m not saying genitals and secondary sexual characteristics aren’t real. Please don’t bother sending me that angry message, I’ll ignore it, I promise. 

But the concept of gender IS something we thought up and maintain and negotiate with each other to this very day. It’s not granted to us by a higher power, nor is it a constant, unchanging thing. It’s a part of the human experience and like everything, it has the potential to evolve - as a concept in our communal memory, as well as on an individual level, for people who feel they want to be perceived differently. 

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk!

[potteresque-ire]

Not sure if this has circulated before, but here’s a link to Henry Jenkin’s reactions to 227, largely as responses to an interview he did with Sanlian Lifeweek magazine (三聯生活周刊), a publication modelled after TIME magazine and published under China Press Publishing group (中國出版集團), the largest and state-owned publisher in China. The magazine asked for Jenkin’s opinions on the fandom-related aspects of 227 back in March, 2020. Henry Jenkins, as many may already know, is among the most renowned scholars of (Western) fan culture ... if not the most renowned.

Personally, I find this article to be quite limited in perspective, because 227 had a significant non-fandom-oriented, sociopolitical component ~ and hence its scope, its chaos, its damage. IMO, 227 stopped being a fan war, stopped being about solos, cpfs, and even Gg the moment AO3 was shut down ~ the powerful Chinese state had intervened, and the incident necessarily became a political incident. That One Fic on AO3, the conflict between solos and cpfs about whether and where That Fic should exist was at most a lighter left at the scene of what would become the blaze; it wasn’t even responsible for igniting the first fire. Most i-turtles (i-fruits?) are probably aware too at this point: if fan wars are sufficient to start 227, then there wouldn’t have been a 227 ~ because 227 would have been every date of the year.

Fan culture is fundamentally transgressive, and what that means can only be defined in the context of the subculture’s “mainstream” sociopolitical and cultural environment. I therefore find the article’s attempt to transplant Western fan culture’s observations / theories / analysis / conclusions to the incident without explicitly comparing, addressing in depth the differences of the pre- and post-transplant environment to be ... prone to rejections (as organs are after transplantations!)—exclusion from being useful or valid. And this article was very short on such comparisons or address. Jenkins being a fandom expert aside (and he was careful about not treading outside his area of expertise), early “antis” of 227 presented themselves as crusaders for the freedom of speech and, by late March when this article was published, the heated debates surrounding the incident on Chinese social media had already led to embarrassment for multiple powerful state publications. It was probably a wise choice to not make another dive into the political aspects of the incident.

Being a new(-ish) turtle who joined the fandom a full half-year after 227, I’ve been backtracking, trying to really understand the incident, which remains very much beyond comprehension in many aspects. The discussions I’ve dug up that have most fascinated me have been those in non-fandom spaces, by non-fandomers / politics enthusiasts who barely knew who Gg was, who didn’t know That One Fic involved more than one idol and had zero knowledge about solos vs cpfs. In these discussions, “antis” are not referred to as “antis” because while the action of the so-called “227 coalition” was to kill Gg’s career, that wasn’t considered its ultimate goal ~ its ultimate goal was to warn whoever tried to clamp down the freedom of expression that their opposition was strong enough, populous to fight back and take away whatever, whoever those who attempted the clamp-down care the most about. In this case, “Gg fans”—I put this in quotes because eventually, no one would know who would lurk behind those pro-Gg Weibo IDs (and the anti-Gg ones as well)—were the perceived enemies of creative freedom. Gg, assumed to be the one, the symbol of what “GG fans” cared about the most, naturally became the target of the coalition.

Gg wasn’t special in that sense ~ and that was perhaps, the saddest thing I found about this incident as a Gg fan (without quotation marks); Gg could be any idol who achieved top fame at the moment, who had enough fans to make the point known. The coalition was therefore not “anti-Gg” in its ideological sense. It was anti the fan circle culture that had cemented Gg’s popularity, that had already been known to deal extremely poorly with dissent—complaints had been abound that c-ent was no longer fun for bystanders because the latter could issue no critique, not even doubt, about an idol without the fear of being reported, torn down by fans. The coalition eventually grew to include anti the many happenings, the many censorships and imprisonments in the past few years that had silenced the creative crowd in China, happenings people dared not speak about beyond a loud grumbling ...

The coalition tried to take down Gg, because they couldn’t take down the force that had shut down AO3, that was truly responsible for the silencing. They played the Hunger Games in the Weibo arena instead of challenging Who The Real Enemy Was, because some might not have given much thought about  The Enemy; some might have thought the Enemy too invincible to be worth the effort; some might have got too carried away by their blood thirst, the cruel schadenfreude of shredding a beautiful, successful young man into pieces, and forgot why they were there in the first place ... 

And that was only the political side of 227. 227 was also widely suspected to have a commercial component, which added another layer to the symbolism behind Gg the Idol ~ pretty much as soon as 227 happened, netizens investigated, tried to uncover the chain of capital behind Gg. With the scent of money was the memory of filth associated with it, in a country not exactly  unknown for its corrupt business practices. Much like in The Book of Exodus in the Bible, the Idol is believed to be forged with gold; it is ungodly, tainted. Whether Gg the Person was identical to Gg the Idol, Gg the Symbol mattered to few. That Gg *was* a person seemed lost to many ... 

I’ll have to dive into the non-fandom aspects of 227 with more rigour. As much as I'd love to leave 227 behind, every time I see Gg, I see its legacy on his face, in his smile, and perhaps, I’m not the only one ~ ADLAD cast him as Patient #5 because of 227′s effect on him. Put it another way, 227 is already modifying, writing Gg’s career trajectory ~ a trajectory that is undoubtedly under scrutiny by many who wish to duplicate his success but circumvent his pain. And every time I see a young idol—Gg, Dd, and anyone else—I wonder if the hurt of 227 can happen to them (again) because the crux of the incident has never been resolved; the oppression and silencing have remained strong as ever. 

Anyway (sorry for the rant) ... what I found noteworthy about this article was the quotes the magazine highlighted in its published form (in Chinese), which weren’t highlighted by Jenkins on his own website. They reflected what the magazine would like to be the take-home messages of the interview. I’ve listed them below; all of which had Jenkins as the speaker:

[Pie Note: About Real Person Fiction (RPF) in Western fandoms]

“American fans often do have some shared norms about what is and is not appropriate to write, mostly having to do with protecting the privacy of other people in the star’s life. Writing about the star is seen as fair game; writing about their family members is not.”

---

[Pie Note: About GG being “cast” as a transgender woman in The One Fic that started the incident; gender in fandom]

“We write fan fiction as a form of speculation and exploration. For some people, it may be one of the few spaces in the culture where they can express who they are, what they are feeling, what they are desiring. And for others, it is a place of “what if” where they explore in fantasy things they would not necessarily desire in reality.” 

---

[Pie Note: Whether GG should be held responsible for his fans’ behaviour]

“Under these circumstances, I would not hold a performer responsible for his fans’ behaviors but the performer is responsible for their own behavior and fans may respond negatively to performers who over-react to the existence of alternative fantasies and insult or hector their audiences.”    

---

[Pie Note: About AO3 and why fans were so upset about its closure] “Keep in mind that AO3 is a particular kind of platform. Alongside Wikipedia, AO3 is one of the greatest accomplishments of participatory culture in the digital era.”

---

[Pie Note: About the “problematic” content on AO3]

“Among my findings were that fan fiction sites can be a valuable space for young people to acquire skills (and receive feedback) on their writing from more experienced writers who share these same passions ... That said, while teens have participated in fandom, a large part of those on AO3 are adults, engaging in adult conversations on adult topics.”

---

[Pie Note: About media text in the new media era]

“First, I would stress the proliferation of media texts at the current moment ... We have access to a much broader range of media content than ever before and in this context, fans play a constructive role in curating that content, helping some shows get greater visibility ...  Second, these texts have become more malleable”

---

[Pie Note: About idols not producing “good” media texts]

“Rather, the question should be what are fans finding meaningful about these performers and the texts they generate. I start from the premise that human beings do not engage in meaningless activities. I may not immediately recognize why something is meaningful but my job as a scholar is to understand why cultural materials are meaningful to the people who cherish them.”

---

My understanding of this selection of quotes is this: this state publication (as others) was quite ready to forgive Gg, to put this incident behind. It could choose to not publish this interview; it could choose to leave out certain quotes, or not do the highlighting that cast both AO3 and Gg in a positive / innocent light. But it did all these things. This article furthers my impression that the state never intended 227 to blow up the way it did, and that it did—enough for stories about it to be found in non-China websites, and in English—was what I’m still trying to comprehend. 227 was, admittedly, how I was first introduced to Gg beyond Wei Wuxian. And as I got to know Gg, like Gg, my want to understand 227 only becomes stronger, perhaps because only through comprehension I feel I can find peace for the GG fan (again, without quotation marks) in me.

Maybe I should email Dr Jenkins and ask if he’s looking for a PhD candidate. 5 years of research and thinking ... maybe that’s what it’ll take. 

I feel I’ve already started anyway. 

[dirk-has-rabies]

Gender variance and it's link with neurodivergency

Okay so this is it going to be another long one

All quotes will be sourced with a link to the scientific journal I took it from

Okay Tumblr, let's talk gender (I know, your favorite topic) my preface on why this topic matters to me is: I'm autistic ( diagnosed moderate to severe autism) I'm nonbinary trans ( in a way that most non-autistic people don't understand and actually look down on)  and I went to college for gender study ( Mostly for intersex studies but a lot of my research was around non-binary and trans identities) I will be using the term autism as pants when I have experience with however when ADHD is part of the study I will use ND which stands for neurodivergent and yes this is going to be about xenogenders and neopronouns.

autism can affect gender the same way autism can affect literally every part of an identity. a big thing about having autism is the fact that it completely can change how you view personhood and time and object permanence and gender and literally all types of socially constructed ideas. let me also say hear that just because Society creates and enforces an idea does it mean that it doesn't exist to all people it just me that there is no nature law saying that it's real and the “rules” for these ideas can change and delete and create as time and Society evolves and changes.  gender is one of those constructs.

Now I'll take it by you reading this you know what transgender people are  (if you don't understand what a trans person is send me an ask and I'll type you up a pretty little essay lmao,  or Google it but that's a scary thought sense literally any Source or website can come up on Google including biased websites so be careful I guess LOL) anyway to be super basic trans people are anyone who doesn't identify as the gender they were assigned at Birth (yes that includes non-binary people I could do a whole nother essay about that shit how y'all keep spreading trying to separate non-binary people from the trans umbrella)  some people don't like to use the label and that is totally fine by the way.

now autistic people to view the world in a way differently than allistic (neurotypical) ppl do.  we don't take everything people teach us at 100% fact and we tend to question everything and demand proof and evidence for things before we can set it as a fact in our brains. This leads to why a lot of autistic people are atheist (although a lot of religions and this is not bashing on religious people at all I am actually a Jewish convert)  this questioning leads to a lot of social constructs being ignored or not understood At All by a lot of autistic people and personally I think that's a good thing.  allistics take everything their parents and teachers and schools teach them as fact until someone else says something and then they pick which ones to believe. autistic people study and research and learn about a topic before forming an opinion and while this may lead to them studying and believing very biased material and spitting it out as fact it can also lead them to try and Discover it is real by themselves.

because of this autistic people are more question their gender or not fall in a binary way at all as the concept of gender makes no sense to a lot of us. “ if gender is a construct then autistic people who are less aware of social norms are less likely to develop a typical gender identity”

no really look: “ children and teens with autism spectrum disorder ASD or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder ADHD  are much more likely to express a wish to be the opposite sex compared with their typical developing peers” That was posted in 2014. we have been saying this stuff forever but no one wants to listen. the thing is gender variance (being not cisgender or at least questioning it)  has always been closely hand-in-hand with autistic and ADHD people I'm even the doctor who did that study understood right away that it all made sense the whole time: “ Dr. Strang said they were initially surprised to find an overrepresentation of gender variance among children with ADHD. However, they later realized that prior studies have shown increased levels of disruptive behavior and other behavioral problems among young people with gender variance”  SEE YOURE NOT WEIRD YOURE JUST YOU AND YOURE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!

5% autistic people who did the study were trans or questioning. it was also equal between the Sexes fun fact. that may not seem like a lot till you realize that the national average is only .7% that's literally over 700% higher than the national average. That's so many! and that's just in America.

 in Holland there was a study in 2010 “ nearly 8% of the more than 200 Children and adolescents referred to a clinic for gender dysphoria also came up positive on a assessment for ASD” they weren't even testing for ADHD so the numbers could be even higher!

now I want to talk about a  certain section of the trans umbrella that a lot of autistic people fall under called the non-binary umbrella. non-binary means anything that isn't just male or just female. it is not one third gender and non-binary doesn't mean that you don't have a gender. just clearing that up since cis people keep spreading that. non-binary is an umbrella term for any of the infinite genders you could use or create. now this is where I'm going to lose a bunch of you and that's okay because you don't have to understand our brains or emotions To respect us as real people. not many allistics can understand how we see and think and relate to things and that's okay you don't have to understand everything but just reading about this could be so much closer to respecting us for Who We Are from you've ever been and that's better than being against us just for existing.

now you might have heard of my Mutual Lars who was harassed  by transmeds for using the term Autigender (I was going to link them but if it gets traction I don't want them to get any hate)  since a lot of people roll their eyes at that  and treated them disgustingly for using a term that 100% applied correctly.  Autigender  is described as " a neurogender which can only be understood in the context of being autistic or when one's autism greatly affects one's gender or how one experiences gender. Autigender is not autism as a gender, but rather is a gender that is so heavily influenced by autism that one's autism and one's experience of gender cannot be unlinked.” Now tell me that doesn't sound a lot like this entire essay I've been working on with full sources…..

xenogenders and neopronouns are a big argument point on whether or not people “believe” in non binary genders but a big part of those genders is that they originated from ND communities and are ways that we can try to describe what gender means us in a way that cis or even allistic trans people just can't comprehend or ever understand. Same with MOGAI genders or sexualities. A lot of these are created as a way to somehow describe an indescribable relationship with gender that is so personal you really cant explain it to anyone who isnt literally the same as you.

Even in studies done with trans autistic people a large amount of them dont even fall on a yes or no of having a gender at all and fall in some weird inbetween where you KINDA have a gender but its not a gender in the sense that others say it is but its also too much of a gender so say youre agender. And this is the kind of stuff that confuses allistic trans people and makes them think nonbinary genders are making stuff up for attention, which isnt true at all we just cant explain what it feels like to BE a trans autistic person to anyone who doesnt ALREADY know how it feels.

In this study out of the ppl questioned almost HALF of the autistic trans individuals had a “Sense of identity revolving around interests” meaning their gender and identity was more based off what they liked rather than boy or girl. That makes ppl with stuff like vampgender or pupgender make a lot more sense now doesnt it? We see that even in the study: “My sense of identity is fluid, just as my sense of gender is fluid […] The only constant identity that runs through my life as a thread is ‘dancer.’ This is more important to me than gender, name or any other identifying features… even more important than mother. I wouldn't admit that in the NT world as when I have, I have been corrected (after all Mother is supposed to be my primary identification, right?!) but I feel that I can admit that here. (Taylor)” and an agreement from another saying “Mine is Artist. Thank you, Taylor. (Jessie)” now dont you think if they grew up with terms like artistgender or dancergender they would just YOINK those up right away????

In fact “An absence of a sense of gender or being unsure of how their gender should “feel” was another common report” because as ive said before in this post AUTISTIC PEOPLE DONT SEE GENDER THE WAY ALLISTIC PEOPLE SEE IT. therefore we wont use the same terms or have the same identities nor could we explain it to anyone who doesnt already understand or question the same way! Participants even offered up quotes such as “As a child and even now, I don't ‘feel’ like a gender, I feel like myself and for the most part I am constantly trying to figure out what that means for me (Betty)” and also “I don't feel like a particular gender I'm not even sure what a gender should feel like (Helen)”

Now i know this isnt going to change everyones minds on this stuff but i can only hope that it at least helped people feel like theyre not broken and not alone in their feelings about this. You dont have to follow allistic rules. You dont have to stop searching inside for who you really wanna be. And you dont have to pick or choose terms forever because just as you grow and evolve so may your terms. Its okay to not know what or who you are and its okay to identify as nonhuman things or as your interests because what you love and what you do is a big part of who you are and shapes you everyday. Its not a bad thing! Just please everyone, treat ppl with respect and if you dont understand something that doesnt make it bad or wrong it just means its not for you. And thats okay.

[sketchy-saram]

Hey everyone! I realize Pride Month just ended, but I wanted to talk about Asexuality for a minute, so I hope you'll indulge me since I have no idea what day it is normally and missed the obvious chance xD 

So my discovery that I was Ace happened when I was in Korea circa 2016, although I'd heard of it a few years before, from the Girls with Slingshots web comic! Both of these things occurred long after I was already an adult, however, and its existence is something I sorely wish I'd known about as a teenager. Hence, I'd really like to spread information about Asexuality to those who might not know anything, so you can be more comfortable with the idea, more informed, and perhaps pass that information to others around you who might be confused and questioning themselves! Pass it on, save a life! (Or at least a LOT of heartache and confusion!) If you already know stuff, great! You’re awesome! <3

So what IS Asexuality? Is it like, budding? Haha, funny joke. (Not really.) Asexuality is simply the lack of sexual attraction to anyone. It is an umbrella term for a lot of different classifications of Aces, but that's the basics. Allosexuals would be what is considered 'normal'--people who do experience sexual attraction. And yes, this is completely different from ROMANTIC attraction! But we'll get to that a bit later!

Why are Asexuals considered part of the LGBTQIA+ rainbow? Well, it's right there in the letters! The A never stood for ally--it always meant Asexual. We've been there since the very beginning! The Queer community envelopes all people whose gender and sexual identities fall outside the norm--so when our society, and humanity as a whole, so idealizes sex and sexual relations, I think not feeling those urges more than qualifies us! And if that weren't enough, Asexuals experience plenty of stigma and harassment--even gatekeeping from within the community, which is extremely unfortunate. In fact, in online social spaces, ESPECIALLY tumblr, Asexuality went through a major witchhunt about 5 years ago, where the waves of anti-Ace rhetoric were so bad that they basically eradicated the community and forced aces back into the closet. Things are better now, but the ramifications are still sorely felt. Aces also have a much higher chance of unstable relationships, as sex and the desire to have sex plays such a large role in romantic relationships. If you are allosexual, imagine being in a relationship where your partner never wants to have sex, and trying to understand that that doesn't reflect at all on you or how much they love you. It's hard, right? I'm not saying that Ace/Allo relationships can't happen, but it takes a LOT of work and communication!! (Uhm, and also plenty of allo people just have a low libido, so please remember not to be forcing your partners into unwanted sexual activities!!)

So let's talk more about the specific wording. 'Sexual attraction'. Simply put, that is the feeling when you look at someone, and you KNOW that you want to have sexual relations with them. Your body has reactions that might let you know this, like an erection, and you could imagine yourself doing those things. Aces aren't like that! We don't have those urges. I could go the rest of my life happily not having sex--and I've never looked at someone and wanted to do that. Now, like I said, there are quite a few umbrella versions, but that is the general description. Important things to note however: Asexual people CAN CHOOSE to have sex! If you're an Allo who has ever done it with someone you weren't exactly turned on by, then you can understand what I'm talking about. Some Aces can even ENJOY the act of sex! The two aren't necessarily related--remember, we're just talking about lacking the basic spark of sexual attraction. On the flip side, some Aces are so sex repulsed that the very idea makes them sick. If you know an Ace person, you should ask their opinion on sex before you talk about it with them--it might make them EXTREMELY uncomfortable! On that note, plenty of Asexual people are in the kink community, and enjoy BDSM. How can that be, you might ask? Well, for one, read above again about Aces and Sexual relations. But also, if you aren't in those communities, you may not realize just how much power plays into that. Some people enjoy the power play more than the sex!! So if your knee-jerk reaction to finding out someone is Ace and has sex is to think they are 'faking it', please...don't. You can't know what a person's internal workings are like.

So, why would an Asexual person want a relationship? How would that even work, anyway? Isn't it just like being friends? Well I'm glad you asked! Remember earlier when I said that Asexuality is only about the lack of SEXUAL attraction? ROMANTIC attraction has its own categories! Aromantics are people who aren't ROMANTICALLY attracted to other people. I won't get into that here, but suffice it to say that Aces can be as romantic and loving as anyone else, and many want a happy relationship! As for being like friends--imagine your partner or spouse. If you suddenly couldn't have sex with them, would it feel like the two of you were 'just friends'? No, of course not! Romantic attachment forms bonds that are completely different from platonic friendship. Lack of sex isn't the only thing that keeps your friendships from being 'romantic relationships', and if it is, you, uh...might want to reevaluate some things!!

A few other common items I want to mention before I bring this quick Ace 101 course to a close: Is being Ace just like being celibate? Not at all! Choosing to remain celibate is just that--a CHOICE. Someone who is celibate still has all their natural sexual attraction, they are just choosing not to act on those feelings for whatever reason. Aces don't have those urges, or that natural sexual attraction! 

Can you become Asexual through trauma or other reasons? The long and the short answer is: Yes. One of the great things about the LGBTQIA+ community is that you should be free to come and go as you discover more about your own truth. That is also why gatekeeping is so dangerous--you shouldn't have to 'register' as Gay or Ace or Trans, or present as those things in a way that suits other people. If you, in your heart, find that one of these labels suits you, then that is what you are for now! Gender and sexuality are a journey most people aren't encouraged to discover until they're older. If you realize you are Ace at 70, you are just as valid as someone who found out earlier, or someone who underwent severe trauma and now no longer feels sexual attraction. If YOU are comfortable with where you're at, that's the only thing that matters! But if it is something that causes you distress, then please look into it. Sometimes lack of sexual attraction IS caused by physical or psychological factors that can be reversed. (Although again, more often than not it simply causes lack of libido, not necessarily lack of attraction.)

Last but not least...what's the thing with the cake? Haha! Good question! When Aces were beginning to find one another and set up their own communities, several inside jokes began to emerge. Imagery of ace playing cards, dragons, 'space ace', and of course cake, sprang up as quirky ways to reference that. The idea being that you would rather have cake than sex!!

I really hope I didn't miss anything obvious, but I'm just writing this on the fly because realizing my Asexuality was such a huge stepping-stone on my path to being more comfortable with myself, and understanding myself as a whole. I spent my teenage years terrified of and yearning for a relationship--the reason being, of course, that in my mind, dating and sex went hand in hand, and I wanted the one but was terrified of the other. So many people take sexual attraction for granted, without realizing how alienating that can be for people who DON'T feel that attraction. It's pervasive!! It's everywhere! And then to be treated as though that expectation isn't as all-encompassing as it is, or that it actually doesn't exist at all, is cultural gaslighting. 

Anyway! I hope everyone had a wonderful pride month. <3 Hope to see you for the next one! Have an awesome July as well, what the heck! And if you have any questions about Asexuality, my messages are always open. I aim to inform. (And feel free to share this if you want!! Knowledge is power, but making things that seem awkward to talk about less taboo is ALSO power!)

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

There is another question behind the question of how – that is the question of why. Why heal our divides? After all, human beings have survived despite division for as long as recorded history. Indeed, rulers and politicians are skilled at driving wedges between people around them in order to increase their own power. As Julius Caesar famously remarked divide et impera, “divide and conquer.”

In our current environment, fear and anger do motivate communal action, and political expediency often seems the primary goal. One need only be familiar with The Prince to know that modern politics follows the lead of Niccolo Machiavelli far more than the social vision of any ethical or religious master – Moses, the Buddha, and Jesus included.

And so, we find ourselves in a world echoing Gordon Gecko’s famous 1980s dictum, “greed is good,” where the contemporary American political creed seems to be “division is gain.”

Division is one of the most persistent political strategies in the western world. You might say it is our practice, the most deeply ingrained of our political habits. It certainly isn’t new. Why heal our divides?  The question might be answered: You can’t. History teaches us that Machiavelli will always be with us – and will most often win.

Why even try to heal our divides?

Because it matters. For our communities, our neighbors. Of course. But it also matters for our own lives.

In 1892, William James wrote, “All our life, so far as it has definite form, is but a mass of habits.” A large body of research since then has confirmed how our lives are composed of routinized practices, the habits we develop over years.  One recent study found that 40 percent of the participants’ daily actions did not come from intentional choice, but were things they did from habit.  

America is a culture that aspires to unity – e pluribus unum – but has habituated division. Blame it on Caesar, Machiavelli, Gordon Gecko or whomever. Truth is, we’ve a national habit of finger pointing, blaming others, assigning people to categories, and pressing advantage for our own side. We’ve a divided national soul, and that line of division runs right through each of our own hearts. Even when we say we want to get beyond division and invective, many (including me) secretly think, “But I don’t want to be with those people. They are beyond the pale. You can’t make peace with them.”

When I finally admit that division isn’t just external but a way of thinking and acting that I’ve learned — a way that I have practiced — it hurts. I may preach a good sermon on nonviolence or taking down the walls of hostility between people, but deep inside, I’m uneasily grateful that something still separates me from others. The boundary between my moral rightness and another’s ethical failing seems necessary to protect. Those boundaries become hidden prejudices, the prejudices turn into partisanship, and all-too-often, partisanship crystallizes as bigotry. For good people, this internal process can be subtle, deniable, and shameful. But it is part of our habituation into being American – a people who proclaim unity while building walls that divide.

Why heal our divides? Because if we do, we heal ourselves.

New Testament scholar Stephen Patterson has recently argued that the first Christian creed was not a proclamation of separation from others (believers from nonbelievers); rather it was a declaration of human solidarity. That creed was part of the very first baptismal liturgies of those who followed Jesus:

For you are all children of God in the Spirit. There is no Jew or Greek; There is no slave or free; There is no male and female. For you are all one in the Spirit.

He insists that Christianity was successful because it imparted a social vision of unity in a deeply divided world and called people to a new shared identity: “We human beings are naturally clannish and partisan: we are defined by who we are not. We are not them. This creed claims that there is no us, no them. We are all one. We are all children of God.” (Patterson, The Forgotten Creed, p.5)

Not only did the first Christians proclaim these words, they practiced them in their communities. They developed habits of including others, of breaking down barriers, of eating with and befriending those whom they once found objectionable. They literally showed Roman society that it was possible — and desirable — to love every neighbor without regard to religion, class, or gender. During the earliest years of Christianity’s existence, the faith was marked by its insistence of the common kinship of humankind – that we could, indeed, be one.  And there is evidence that they practiced what they preached.

Of course, that is an example from my faith tradition. America isn’t made up of only Christians, nor is it a “Christian nation.” But we do have a national creed, and like that early church creed, it proclaims a vision of unity, of oneness.

Is the American creed possible? That e pluribus unum we recite? Or are we forever consigned to political habits that confirm the we and demonize them?  History reminds us that such creeds must be embodied in communities of practice, where we are called into a vision of human solidarity, where we create habits of oneness together, where we establish peace across the most durable barriers, and where we get in trouble for standing as one against the political expediency of division.

When I commit myself to that creed, when I find myself in such a community, the divide in my own heart lessens. Something within heals. Creed and community remind me that changing habits is hard, and practicing solidarity involves wrestling with my own failures. But, with the help of others, each one of us can mend the fault lines in our own lives and lend our hands to repair the world.

* * *

INSPIRATION

We are each other's harvest; we are each other's business; we are each other's magnitude and bond. ― Gwendolyn Brooks

Pit race against race, religion against religion, prejudice against prejudice. Divide and conquer! We must not let that happen here. ― Eleanor Roosevelt

If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. — Galatians 5:15

How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity! — Psalm 133:1

Why does colour or race matter? Why not join together, instead of being scrambled and scattered? Why can't we just not plainly see, The unity in diversity? People will be people all the same, And under the setting sun, Nothing may ever change, But I am here to take a stand, To show the world how to finally be, Unified in Diversity. — Peter Vector

* * *

THE COTTAGE

DIANA BUTLER BASS

[pawnbrulee]

BDMRR draft submission

I haven't sent this yet, but:

I am writing in broad support of the changes to the Births, Deaths, Marriages, and Relationships Registration Bill as proposed in Supplementary Order Paper 59. Many of the points I wish for you to consider will have been made already by others, so I have concentrated on the aspects that I fear may have been overlooked.

To the best of my recollection I did not submit to the original select committee in 2018, but I take issue with assertions made by both the media and official sources since then that the committee was not expected to consider issues relating to transgender people and birth certificates and that its recommendations were a surprise. In fact, as a transgender woman I did not submit to the committee because I simply assumed the changes would go through!

I am no historian but I do feel a certain amount of historical context has been lost. The proposed changes would replace a regime instituted in the 90s whereby a change to the sex listed in a person’s birth certificate could be changed — but only via the involvement of the Family Court in each case. Court cases as a mechanism for official recognition of gender change have a long history, particularly in the 20th century. One pioneering but now largely forgotten case was that of Arlette-Irène Leber, a Swiss woman who was recognised as such by a canton court in July of 1945 (a translation of the ruling, along with further details, can be found in Eugene de Savitch’s extremely linguistically-of-its-time 1958 book Homosexuality, Transvestism and Change of Sex, a copy of which can be found in the Lesbian and Gay Archive Collection at the Alexander Turnbull Library in Wellington, or alternatively in electronic form from the Internet Archive Library). In re Leber was not even the first such case in Swiss history, a title which probably belongs to the lawsuit of Margrith Businger in 1931, but I don’t bring up the Swiss because they were especially early or progressive.

Despite not submitting during the previous go-around I did read many of the materials produced by others both for and against. I have particularly noticed the claim that the rights of transgender women especially are somehow inconsistent with the sacrifices and struggles of our suffragist forebears, in the most extreme cases suggesting that we are interlopers introduced by the patriarchy as more acceptable substitutes for “natal” women. It might well be true that Kate Sheppard talked about sex and not gender, but this is a linguistic quirk of history and not a statement of hostility to transgender rights. It is simply the case that women’s suffrage received public attention and (typically) success earlier than the official recognition of transgender people - they are in no way in conflict

The Swiss then may be unique in recognising multiple transgender people, albeit on an individual basis, prior to granting women the right to vote (in this case, because they infamously failed to pass the latter until 1971) and as de Savitch noted (pg 75) Leber officially “joined the ranks of the voteless women of Switzerland” — the patriarchy does not function as some seem to envision! Much like in New Zealand, Switzerland established a formal process to change listed gender information through the courts in the 1990s, but as in NZ this has been seen as insufficient. While it is certainly preferable that an established process exists rather than each person having to make their way through the legal system completely alone, after the nth case it seems redundant. Must we prove our right to exist every time?

The campaign to replace the judicial mechanism with a purely administrative has been ongoing in New Zealand for quite some time, and we were all very disappointed when this BDMRR bill was first introduced without addressing the issue at all. Nevertheless it was well understood that the select committee was going to consider the matter, and browsing the 2018 submissions today will find numerous arguments for and against. As I hoped at the time they declined to agree with those pushing a story of fear over human rights and produced a set of recommendations that were on the whole quite reasonable, however as soon as it was released a narrative emerged that there had be insufficient consultation and the bill quickly languished. I am very happy that it has been resurrected but I was very disappointed when it was announced that a second round of consultation would be involved. Extra public engagement is generally a good thing in a democratic system, but in this case amounts to the appeasement of bigotry via the delay of good policy. I may be submitting for the first time on this bill, but I shouldn’t need to be.

While I consider the proposal to be broadly quite good some flaws have crept in to first the select committee recommendations and then the SOP being considered here. Firstly and most crucially the removal of all mechanisms for people born overseas to change documentation must not be done, even if this means leaving the family court mechanism in place for these people. We should not go backwards and demand that individuals sue on the grounds of the Bill of Rights Act, even if the BDMRR is not appropriate for providing a proper administrative solution for these people.

Secondly there should still be a way for people who change their name after their registered sex to gain the protection afforded by not including their “dead” name on their birth certificate. Ultimately even if all parts of the SOP are enacted into law the full process of administrative name and gender changes will still be very complex, and we should not punish people who merely get the order of a bureaucratic process wrong. The mechanism proposed in the select committee report whereby the next name change leads to the suppression of the original, not carried over into the SOP, seems sufficient to me to maintain the chain of identity, but if the linkage absolutely must be made stronger I suggest that an additional “intermediate” certificate be produced showing both names as a kind of receipt — at no additional charge to the petitioner.

The third matter that I feel should be more carefully considered is the time to enactment of the bill. I appreciate that it may take time for Internal Affairs to alter their computer systems, but in the context of such a long delayed bill an extra 18 months seems quite excessive.

There are many other issues here that I expect sensible people will have submitted on, including access for nonbinary people and the security under which records of gender changes will be kept. I hope that, with all due speed, the committee will put forward a new and strengthened version of this bill, which can finally be passed for the betterment of our community as a whole.

—Petra

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You have a couple of days left to submit, and you might want to read through some of this document before you do so. I didn't submit to the conversion therapy one because I had nothing to add but incoherent rage, but in this case I seem to have written more than eleven hundred words. Oops!