#because of this the band often get every like third word

[freaking-jeepers]

aaron t is half british

[a-small-writer-in-a-big-world]

An idea I have that’s itching my brain. Ex-husband!price, second chance trope? Strangely into this recently

Ex-husband!price who can’t help but call you every time he gets back from a mission and you who can’t help but pick up.

You’ve been divorced for a little over a year now. It wasn’t necessarily on bad terms but the relationship just couldn’t work anymore; with him constantly gone it felt as though he was more of a roommate, a stranger, than the man you loved.

You couldn’t take the loneliness and Price only ever wanted to make you happy, so he agreed to the divorce with the same amount of courage he had going into a mission.

“John?” You asked, answering the call after the third to make it seem like you weren’t waiting for him.

“Hey,” Price smiled immediately when he heard your voice. “I made it home.”

“Good. You’re not hurt are you?”

Price could feel the ache and throb on his body from the mission, especially on his side where he had hit the ground hard because of an explosion. A large bruise had already formed but he ignored it like every problem he had concerning himself.

Just like he had ignored you.

“I’m alright.” He sucked in his lips and cleared his throat. “Tell me what you’ve been doing.”

You really shouldn’t. It’s not like you ended on bad terms necessarily, but you had never known someone to stay friends with their ex-husband before. You knew that these kind of talks might send the wrong message.

It might make one of you believe that there was hope for reconciliation.

“Oh…nothing much.” You kept it vague to deter further conversation and you hoped he didn’t take it the wrong way.

Price didn’t, at least that’s what he told himself even though he felt a pang in his chest while his throat tightened.

He shouldn’t call you anymore even if he missed your voice. Every call was like he was torturing himself, making himself remember what he lost because he couldn’t get his own head out of his ass.

He would’ve stopped after the first call if you hadn’t picked up.

“I just wanted to let you I was home.” He mumbled and you felt incredibly grateful that he wanted to do that.

You may be divorced but you still feared the day one of his men would come to tell you he was no longer alive.

“Thank you.”

“Of course, love.”

It slipped out but neither of you said anything. You both sat in silence, drinking up the presence of each other from the other side of the phone, across cities.

There were so many mixed feelings, all of which neither of you had the words to describe them.

“Goodbye, John.”

“Goodbye.”

When you were gone Price sat in the edge of his bed in the dark. The bed he once shared with you often went untouched, even by him as he couldn’t stand to lay in it alone, even if the mattress was better for his body.

His fingers played with the golden band chained around his neck subconsciously since he was unable to get rid of it.

A/n: take whatever this is lol won’t be a series but might have like a couple other little pieces

[iheartri]

movie night with abby!

you were cuddled into her side, leg resting on top of hers as your favorite rom-com movie played on the tv for the third time this week.

“do we have to watch she’s the man again?” abby grumbled, throwing her arm around your shoulder to pull you in closer, if that was even possible.

“you know I love this damn movie shut up.” you say, rubbing abby’s stomach gently.

abby rolled her eyes, eventually shutting up and paying attention to the movie that she can basically recite word for word because of you.

as you continue watching the movie, you realized how abby feels against you… how buff she is, how toned her abs is, how warm she is… it’s like you can’t get enough of her.

as you’re rubbing her stomach, your hands trails down a bit to the waistband of her pants. abby raises an eyebrow and looks down at you. “what’re you doing?”

“nothing…just watch the movie yeah?” you whisper. abby narrows her eyes at you, but returns her gaze to the movie.

your hand slides down abbys pants, playing with the band of her underwear. abby shivers, spreading her legs a little to give you more freedom.

Your fingers slipped lower, your touch teasing against her clit, the thin fabric of her underwear the only barrier between your touch and her sensitive flesh.

abby gasps quietly, biting her lip as she feels you circle her clit. “baby..” she whimpers. “yeah?” you giggled. she glared at you, but decided not to say anything because of the way you’re making her feel right now.

your fingers pressed down on the soaked material, feeling how wet she got in a matter of seconds. “damn abby I barely touched you and you’re already this wet?” abby whines, bucking her hips against your hand.

you chuckled, pressing down more firmly on her clit. “you like that? you like the way I touch you, hm?” abby nods her rapidly, letting out small moans and whimpers.

you gaze was locked on her face, watching every expression as your fingers kept a steady pace. “you’re so desperate for me..you want more?” you murmur. “yes— fuck please..” abby begs. you slip your hand underneath the fabric, barely grazing against her pussy inciting another whimper from her.

you rub her clit, feeling your own wetness grow in your panties. “am I making you feel good baby?” you smile. abby can barely register what you’re saying, too focused on the way your fingers are pressed against her pussy.

you tease her entrance before slowly sliding in a finger. you pump your finger in and out, grinning at the noises abby was making. you pushed in another finger, stretching and filling her up. You watched how abbys expression changed — the way her eyes fluttered closed, the way he parted lips released the neediest whimpers.

abby looked at you, her eyes low and needy, a sight you rarely see. you brush your lips against hers, speeding up the pace of your fingers. “please kiss me..” abby pleaded. you kiss her gently, thrusting your fingers into her deeper.

abby moves her hips to the rhythm of your fingers. she breaks the kiss and blubbers out, “i’m so close baby… can i cum? please let cum for you…” you let out a small moan yourself before responding, “come for me baby…”

abby let out a loud moan, cumming all around your fingers. you pull your fingers out and rub her clit again, helping her through her orgasm. you bring your fingers to abbys mouth, letting her taste herself on your fingers.

You pull your fingers out her mouth and rest it on her stomach. You hand traced circles across her stomach, soothing and gentle. You gave you a moment to catch her breath, your gaze filled with affection.

“you’re a pain in the ass y’know that?” abby pants. “don’t care. plus you should let me do that more often.” you tease. abby smiles and whispers, “yeah. i will. don’t worry.” before firmly placing a kiss on your forehead.

a/n: HIII i don’t rlly like the ending but wtv!! i hope yall are happy and well😜😜

[huuuuughes]

First Time Feeling - Mat Barzal x Reader

Pairing: Mat Barzal x Fem!Reader

Word count: 6.4k

Warnings: so much fluff, did i go overboard? maybe lol

A/N: this was my first time participating in a fic exchange and i honestly had so much fun. this is for the summer fic exchange 2k24 hosted by the lovely @wyattjohnston. it is written for the also fantastic @ahockeywrites! i am your friendly neighborhood exchange writer. i hope you enjoy it as much as i did writing it!

also i used google translate for the french. pls dont come for me if its not right im doing my best

It’s that time of year, when hockey pauses and every hockey player you know has a wedding because they scarcely get to have them in season. Growing up a coach's daughter, you were not unfamiliar with NHL weddings, and it meant your best friends were other kids from the organization your dad was in at the time. Now that you were getting to be that age it meant everyone you knew was having weddings.

Except you.

You were the one single person remaining in the bridal party for your best friend. Everyone did their best to try and include you without making it feel like third wheeling but sometimes it felt like that anyway. It wasn’t like they could help it and you were always happy for them. Weddings just seemed to rub salt in a wound now. Being alone scared you more than a lot of things. Which is why you were taking this bachelorette weekend to let loose and have fun. At least more than you usually let yourself. Your ability to do shots at a fast pace and without hesitation got you to that buzzed feeling a little too quickly.

But everyone was having fun. The band that was playing for the bar was insanely good and every song kept making you wanna dance. You managed to drag a few of your friends out onto the dance floor with you and it was the first time you felt free in a very long time.

“We’re gonna go get a drink, do you want something?!” Hannah attempts to yell over the volume of the music.

“YEAH, just water is good! Thanks!” You didn’t want to leave the dance floor- you were having a really good time. You let the music be your happy place for the moment, forgetting any problem you had before coming in the door. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed a trio of men looking at you. And then you have to do a double take, because you’d just seen those same 3 men at the previous bar, and the one before that…

Moving to a different spot on the dance floor didn’t seem to help. Hannah still wasn’t back from the bar and you were starting to think that these creeps were trying to form some kind of blockade. It was unsettling, but your usual fears were blurred by the alcohol that was currently coursing through your veins. You had forgotten there was a reason you didn’t like to drink that often. Then there was a tap on your shoulder, and as you turned around one of them was right there.

“You wanna dance sweetheart?” He screamed in your ear.

“No thanks! Just waiting for a friend!”

“I don’t see that friend anywhere right now, why don’t you want to dance?” Attempting to get closer to you, he moved forward causing you to back up into a stranger. Another one of his friends, you discovered, once you saw the first one smirk like there was some kind of inside joke that you weren’t in on.

“I said no.”

“That’s not what that outfit says.”

“Get away from me you fucking creep.” Your voice was firm, attempting to just go back to having fun. You closed your eyes, trying to let the music flow through you again. When you opened them there was yet another man coming at you, but this one didn’t feel threatening. He looked familiar, like you had maybe seen him before in passing. You couldn’t place it sober, and you definitely couldn’t in the current state you were in. He was making a beeline for you, pushing the first creep out of his way and almost onto the ground.

“Holy shit babe, there you are!You, my love, are too drunk! Time to go home!” Before you knew it he was reaching for your waist and your feet were no longer touching the ground. He throws you over his shoulder like you were nothing but a paper weight. Instead of the panic you should have felt, you relaxed over him. You didn’t fight the motion, it felt good to just stop for a moment. But then you realized that you really didn’t know who this was either and you just let a strange man pick you up and carry you out of the dance floor area.

“UM YEA HI, WHO ARE YOU?” You attempted to yell at him but the music was still loud. He either didn’t hear you or chose not to respond because you didn’t receive a response.

“Excuse me! Sir! I demand to know who you are please!”

Still nothing from him. He was like a big brick wall.

“JUST BECAUSE I'M SMALL DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN JUST MAN HANDLE ME.”

But then you were on the ground again. It had felt like years before he set you down again but when he did you were once again reunited with your friends. You finally had a chance to get a good look at the stranger who carried you. He was definitely over six feet tall, and was honestly the hottest man you’d ever seen in your life. His eyes were a soft brown color that you could almost drown in. His hair was also brown, and fell in different directions all over his head. The expression on his face was a neutral one, but you felt drawn to him.

“Girl holy shit, why didn’t you tell us those creeps were still following you?!”

“Stop shouting at him babe, you are FINE!”

“You guys failed to mention your friend was such a chatterbox when she’s intoxicated.” The man laughed, but you could barely focus on anything with the way the world seemed to be swaying about.

“Thanks so much Mat, for rescuing our friend. She’s kind of key to the wedding festivities this weekend.”

“No problem. I hope your night gets better from here. Tell Coach I said hi. Maybe I’ll see you this weekend ladies.” He winked, like he knew he was going to but was just saying that to be clever. He looked like he felt accomplished about your frustrated state. As if he found it cute or endearing that you were so small yet had so much anger.

“You know she’s single Mat!” One of your friends interjected. And with that the handsome stranger who now had a name walked off and out of the bar, and you wondered who his friends were. You watched as a smile broke out on his face again, as if he was thinking hard about the proposition just said to him.

“Have a safe night ladies.” He lifted his head in a nod and you watched him walk out of the bar and out of your sight.

Everyone in your group had also decided that they had enough for the night and you booked it back to your hotel. The wedding was in 2 days, and the rehearsal dinner is tomorrow evening. Tonight was the last night to let loose and perhaps you had come too loose.

The next morning…

Your head was pounding. Opening your eyes was a no go, the light too painful to look at. It was like your entire head was pulsing. Liquor should definitely not be mixed with any other type of alcohol, you thought.

“WAKEY WAKEY BITCH, UP AND AT EM!” The bride came into your room, clearly more ready to tackle the day than you were.

“Oh my god Hannah. STOP YELLING. My head is killing me…” you groaned.

“Oh I know, I was there too, bestie. I’ve brought Tylenol and water, and there’s breakfast in my room. Oh and here’s some sunglasses. Those might help for a bit.” She thrust all of the items in your arms and helped you sit up without dying.

“Come on, we have a bridal party meeting, maid of honor!”

You loved Hannah, you really did, but if she didn’t lower her volume you thought your head might explode. After a quick shower, some meds, and an outfit change you were ready for the bridal party meeting there was to be had. When you walked into the room it was a mixture of excitement and groaning. All of the bridesmaids looked like they’d been through it, but the groomsmen were relaxed. The groom had his party a few weeks ago, just in case any shenanigans ensued.

“There she is!”

That voice. You knew that voice…God why did you know that voice?

You almost dropped the plate of food in your hands. When you turned around the shock of who it was rendered you speechless. It was the man who carried you across the bar last night. The man you thought you’d never see again after that embarrassing spectacle you’d caused. The memory was slowly coming back to you, and you really, really hoped there wasn’t video evidence.

“Good to see you survived your journey home.” He smirked.

“Wait! Do you know Mat?!” Clutterbuck asked. You knew Cal from your dad’s years in the league. You knew most of the people in the room, but Mat had been a pretty private guy. You didn’t really know much about him other than he was damn good at hockey and had pretty nice eyes. Since you only knew him in passing, you had never heard him talk much and drunk, you definitely did not recognize him. You felt like the blood had entirely drained from your face all you could think of was how quickly you could get out of that room.

“Apparently I do.” Your eyes tried to stay fixed on the ground as the meeting got started. It was basically just going over who was going to walk down the aisle with who and what everyone’s entrances would be for the reception.

“So, you’ll be with Mat. You guys good with that?” You locked eyes with your best friend. You knew exactly what she was doing. She was trying to play matchmaker without even asking you first. How would she even know if he was your type?

“I mean I-,” You stammered.

“Yeah, it sounds great to me.”

Finally you had to look at him. Of course he would say that, maybe he was in on it, you were being tortured by all of your friends. You had to begin lining up to practice, making sure you didn’t fall flat on your face and embarrass the bride. They all knew him, there was definitely an underlying motive. You had a feeling it was because they didn’t want everyone to pair up and you were left by yourself. It was a nice gesture, but being filled in would have felt nice so you did not in fact have a strange man picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder in a bar.

Being the maid of honor, you were last in the order to go. You waited patiently in the back of the line, the only one who was not linked in arms with their partner. Mat offered his arm to you, attempting to show some good will.

“You gonna take it?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at you.

“No.”

“Listen, I’m sorry about last night. Your friends told me to come get you by whatever means necessary so that is what I did.”

“So you decided the only way was to pick me up with no warning? Who taught you to do that?” You threw your arms up in the air almost in defeat, you didn’t know what to make of what he did. You may have been drunk but you were never going to forget looking down at the ground when being carried across the room.

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you.” He shrugged and still somehow managed to look smug. He knows what he’s doing, and he definitely thought that he was being charming by doing so.

“I want you to tell me why you did that! All you had to do was grab my hand and lead me away!” You’d had enough of his games. You were going to get some answers before the night was over and done with.

“They all seem to know you, but I don’t. Why is that?” You had turned to face him, staring him down in order to get him to crack. It was almost your turn. You’d run into a slight issue when the bride decided she wanted to switch up the order of things before the honors of maid of honor and best man. All this meant was more time to get him to crack, which if he had known any better, would not take you very long. His resolve was weakening, and quickly.

“I’ve been around. You just haven’t noticed me.”

“I think I would have noticed you.” It would be hard to miss someone as pretty as he was. Did you really just admit that? Your dad hadn’t been with the Islanders for several years, but you still knew who most of the team was. Based on what you had managed to Google on the walk from the meeting to the present rehearsal location was that he was a pretty damn good hockey player.

“I don’t think so sweetheart. Your friends have told me all about you too, you know.”

“Oh yeah? What did they tell you?” You were almost angry but didn’t know why.

“Well for starters they just want you to be happy. They know you haven’t been happy for a little while now.” He smiled at you, and you tried not to melt in response. The way your body reacted so physically to him when all he did was smile was not something that you could ignore.

“And what else?” You prompted.

“My last relationship was some time ago, and let’s just say it didn’t end that well. They’ve noticed I haven’t been happy either.”

“You look happy to me.”

“Looks can be deceiving. The cameras and the media pick up only what they want to see.” This time he didn’t meet your eye. Which told you everything you needed to know. You would never understand how strangers and the media thought they knew someone just by what you see them do as an athlete. As if they don’t have personal lives or things that are important to them. Your suspicions were confirmed, but not in the way you thought. Of course your friends wanted to set you up with someone. Not to be funny or to try and make a joke, but they hated to see you so unhappy. Things were starting to make a little more sense.

“So you knew their motives?” You asked, feeling bad about how you had sort of gone at him without knowing why. You couldn’t undo the years of crappy guys that you had to deal with in the past, but now you could learn to give Mat a better chance.

“Partially. I knew they wanted to set me up with someone, but I don’t enjoy the anxiety of blind dates. They didn’t want me to say anything to you- they wanted to protect you. Based on your reaction I’m guessing you don’t enjoy surprises either.”

“Correct. So what would you like to do about this?” You asked, hopeful.

“I think we should see where the weekend takes us, and go from there. How’s that sound?”

You hoped that he couldn’t see the blush starting to appear in your cheeks. Your friends did this on purpose. They wouldn’t just set you up with some hockey player they didn’t know or trust, they knew he had to be vetted first. They also knew that you wouldn’t just take being set up with someone due to your stubbornness, so this was the only way they knew how to get to you.

“I’d like that.” His smile was infectious and you could feel yourself reciprocating.

Once the rehearsal dinner was figured out, the rest of the evening seemed to go as planned. Most importantly, the bride was happy. You noticed Mat across the room, smiling at you. You were alone at the bar, and watched him excuse himself from the conversation he was having to walk your direction.

“You wanna get out of here?” It was almost a whisper, so only you could hear it. You looked around the room to make sure that your absence wouldn’t be noticed.

“I thought you’d never ask.” You took the hand that he offered you and followed him out of the room. His car was already waiting, the perks of having the wedding on Long Island was a lot of the wedding guests already lived in the area.

“I feel like a teenager sneaking out when I’m not supposed to!” He held the door open for you as you slid in, and he climbed into the driver’s seat, “Where are you taking me sir?”

The sun was starting to set, making the sky an orangish pink color. It was like all of the colors of the sky melting together, painting a beautiful scene that no camera could ever do justice. He reached over and grabbed your hand as he began to drive. It looked like he was going nowhere in particular, and he squeezed your hand gently. You appreciated a first move when you saw one, it took the anxiety out of the way and you instantly felt more relaxed around him.

“There’s somewhere I want to show you. It’s not that far from here, is that okay?” You nodded. According to maps, the destination was only a few miles away. It was almost dark out, but not quite. The sun rested quietly in the sky, hovering just above the skyline ready to disappear. Mat still held your hand in his, gently squeezing every so often as if to reassure you of something but you weren’t quite sure what yet. When you arrived at your destination, there wasn’t another car to be seen. The only sound came from a distance, and then you looked around.

“Where are we?” You asked.

“Crescent Beach. I used to come here a lot when I first came to New York. The city can be overwhelming sometimes, but out here you can actually hear yourself think. The sunset’s here are something to behold, I’ve heard.” He held out his hand for you to take, and led you on to the beach. He had already grabbed two blankets from his trunk. You laughed a little bit, you always kept blankets and towels in the back of your car just in case too.

“It looks like we’re just in time for sunset.” Mat laid down one of the blankets on the sand. You were close enough to the water to be able to smell it, but not close enough that the tide could touch you. He placed the other blanket over the two of you, sitting down beside you after you got comfortable.

“The sky looks beautiful right now. I would have never thought a sunset in Long Island could look like this!” You closed your eyes for a second, taking in the smell of the ocean and the sound of the waves. It was the peace you were looking for during the wedding weekend.

“New York can be beautiful when it wants to be. You just have to know where to look.”

“I like to think that whenever there is a sunset this beautiful, it’s just someone you lost saying hello. Like a little wave from the sky, you know?” You asked him. He nodded, looking out across the horizon. “Tell me about you Mat.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Why did our friends want to set you up with someone?” You were curious.

“I’d been on and off with someone for a long time. It was unhealthy for me, and for anyone to be around me. Let’s just say I wasn’t always the most pleasant person. I want to start a family one day. With as much as players can move around, my home is with a person. Not a place or anything like that, if that makes any sense at all.”

“I was the same way with my dad. We moved around every few years, it felt like I could never really put down roots in one place.”

“What’s your favorite color?” He asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

“What does my favorite color have to do with anything?”

“It says a lot about a person to me.”

“You’re a little strange, has anyone ever told you that?” You both laughed, his was infectious.

“Just answer the question!”

You tell him your favorite color, smiling.

“Don’t you want to know what mine is?” He asked.

“Tell me.”

“It’s blue.”

“Like Islanders blue?”

“Any blue, but right now, blue like the ocean.” The breeze started to blow hard, quickly reminding you that you were in fact in New York, not a beach somewhere tropical. Mat was good at making you feel like you were somewhere else but in a good way.

“Tell me something else about you Mr. Barzal.”

“Is this 20 questions or something?”

“It is now!” You playfully smacked his thigh, you were so close together it wouldn’t take much for you to lean in and kiss him.

“Tes yeux sont les plus beaux que j'ai jamais vus.” You could tell he was speaking French just from the way he changed his accent. Since when could this beautiful man speak french?!

“You can speak french?”

“A hobby of mine, you could say.” From the way the words flowed out of his mouth, you knew it wasn’t just a hobby.

“What did you say?” You turned to look at him, slightly shorter so that you had to look up to look at each other. Everything else seemed to disappear behind him. There could have been roars of people around you, but you wouldn’t have been able to hear them. It was true what they said, when you found the right person it was like everything else melted away.

“I said you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.” You couldn’t even attempt to hide the blush you could feel forming in your cheeks.

“Is that how you get all the ladies?” You managed to speak finally, after gaining your composure again. But your voice was quiet, like you didn’t want to know the answer.

“Tu es le seul que je veux.” His forehead came to rest against yours. You could feel his hot breath against your face, lighting the nerves in your body on fire.

“Tell me what you said.” You breathed out, trying to catch your breath as if it had been taken from you.

“You are the only one I want.”

“Okay.” You didn’t know why you were saying it. But he seemed to know why, and crashed his lips against yours. His hand came up to cup the back of your head, bringing you as close to him as you could get. The ocean breeze no longer seemed to matter as you began exploring each other’s bodies. He pulls you onto his lap, wrapping the blanket around you in one fluid motion. His lips tasted slightly of whiskey and chocolate, inviting and warm. Warmth blossomed in your chest, like you wanted to be engulfed in each other. You could feel his hands wanting to go under your shirt, and you nodded into the kiss to let him know that it was okay.

You pulled back just for a moment to catch your breath, but not letting your forehead leave his. You were breathing hard against each other as one, in sync already after the slightest touch. His eyes told you everything you needed to know, and you felt safe in his arms. Mat placed his hands on either side of your face, allowing you to feel just how much the moment meant to him. To him, he was holding his world in his hands and now he never wanted to let you go. His next kiss felt like fireworks, and now you knew what it felt like when people said they never wanted something to end. A kiss like the two of your lives depended on it, and you wanted to get lost in him. His kisses were soft at first and increased in intensity every time you drew back for a breath. You wanted more, you wanted all of him.

He breathed your name, realizing that it was in fact now dark outside. The only light came from the street lights in the parking lot and the small flashlight Mat had brought from his car. He brought you in for a hug against him, tucking your head into the nape of his neck. You fit there perfectly, and the smell of his cologne engulfed all of your senses.

“We should probably head back to the hotel.” He whispered, but didn’t make any moves to let go of you.

“Maybe…”

“That doesn’t mean we have to be alone tonight.” He squeezed you, the reassurance washing over you. You nod, and get up off the ground. Mat shakes off the blankets, trying to get rid of as much sand as possible. But you knew that there would be sand all over you for days, in places you never think sand would end up. He got you settled in the car, placing the supplies back where he got them from. Once back in the car, he took your hand once more and you drove quietly back to the hotel.

“Where do we go from here?” You asked.

“I like you.” Another hand squeeze. You didn’t know what to say back to him, too afraid that anything would scare him off just like the other guys you’d dated. “You don’t have to say it back yet, I just didn’t want this night to end without telling you that. When I know I want something, I won’t stop until I can have it. If you’ll let me, that is.”

“What about tonight?” He didn’t answer you, but that was okay. It was unspoken, hanging in the air like a cloud, but you knew you weren’t going to be alone that night. Or the rest of the weekend, if Mat had anything to say about it. Arriving back at the hotel, Mat handed his keys off to the valet and led you inside.

“Is there anything you need to get from your room?” He asked once in the elevator.

“Not that I can think of.”

“Good.” Once the elevator doors opened to his floor, he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder once again. But this time you were more than okay with it. He had to set you down in order to open his room, but picked you up again once you were inside. He laid you down on the freshly laundered bed, throwing your shoes across the room and his along with them. You crawled under the covers together, and all he did was hold you. There were the occasional make out sessions throughout the night, but nothing more. He told you about his childhood and growing up playing hockey, and you told him about the life of being a coach's daughter.

He told you about the way he likes his eggs cooked, his pregame rituals, and all the movies he liked to watch. You talked about anything and everything that came to mind, eventually falling asleep in his arms. When you woke up it didn’t feel strange, it felt like you were supposed to be there. The morning after was always an awkward moment, falling over your words and trying to sneak out without the other person noticing. There was no sneaking out this time, instead you woke up with a kiss from Mat being planted on the top of your head.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He whispered, kissing around your neck and cheeks as much as he could.

“It’s wedding day today.” You smiled, you were excited to get your best friend in the world down the aisle. In helping her find her happiness, you had also managed to find some of yours.

“I’m guessing you have to go soon?” He asked, looking down at you.

“Well I am the maid of honor you know, I think someone will notice if I’m not there.”

“But what if I told you I just wanted to hold you all day instead?” He smirked. The hold that this man already had over you..

“What if I told you, that starting tomorrow you never had to let go of me again?” He sat up quickly and looked down at you.

“You mean it?”

“Well I don’t just spend the night with anyone, Mathew. I think our friends might just be right…” You smiled, he came down to kiss you so fast you didn’t even know what hit you. Was it crazy to rush into something so fast? Maybe. But did it feel right? Absolutely. You’d read all the romance novels of quick relationships, always telling yourself it wasn’t actually like that. Those were just fairy tales you could read about, nothing like that would ever happen in real life.

It took a little more convincing for him to actually let you get out of bed and go to the bridal suite where everyone was getting ready. Of course he had to be with the grooms party, but somehow it never took guys quite as long to get ready.

“Are you sure you have to go right now?” He asked once he pulled away from you. You didn’t want to get out of the nice comfy bed with a pretty man laying in it but duty called.

“Yessss, do you think you’ll be able to survive without me for a few hours?” You started to throw off the covers, but he pulled you back in.

“No, I don’t actually. I might just lay here and cry all day!” You laughed, knowing that both the bride and groom would come for him but let him pretend.

“You’ll be fine, I promise. If you let me go, I’ll let you grab my butt when we dance later.”

“DEAL!” One more quick kiss, and you were finally able to get up. One wave goodbye as you opened the door to leave, and you were off. You had to stop by your own room to get your dress and makeup, and then it was off to the bridal suite. You were surprisingly one of the first ones to arrive, and were able to eat a little bit of breakfast for once. Everyone in the bridal party got to choose their own dress as long as it was within the color palette, and yours was your favorite shade of blue. It fits you in all of the right places, just the way that it should. The bride paid for everyone’s hair to be done, and once everyone was all finished getting ready it was time to take pictures of the bridal party. The photographer seemed to be on her A-game, and for once things were running on time in your life. Anthony already gone to take his place

Finally you got to have a moment just you and your best friend on her big day. The day both of you had talked about since you were kids, the one that you spent planning on pinterest for hours without even a thought of someone in the picture.

“Hannah… you look stunning! I hope today is everything you ever dreamed it would be. I can’t wait to see the look on Anthony’s face when he sees you today. I’ll still beat him up if he ever hurts you though. Are you ready?”

“Have I told you I love you yet today?”

“I love you too girl. Let’s get you married!” Each bridesmaid had their groomsman, and you took your place at the end. Mat walked around the corner and paused when he saw you, stopping him dead in his tracks.

“You like something you see sir?” He offered up his arm for you to take once he made his way to you.

“Tu es le seul que je veux.” He repeated his words from last night, kissing your cheek.

“Me too.” You’d learn how to say it in french, one day at least.

Of course there wasn’t a dry eye in the house after the ceremony. After all of the guests made their way to the reception hall and the rest of the wedding party photos were taken, the evening seemed to go rather smoothly. You may or may not have felt Mat’s hand graze across your butt a few times during pictures, but you kindly reminded him that he wasn’t allowed to feel your butt until you got to dance. He acted like you were torturing him though, depriving him of a dream.

You wanted to get your wedding mingling out of the way first, so that you could enjoy the night with who you wanted. It did not go without notice that Mat’s eyes were following you around the room in a very flirty kind of way. You hadn’t felt like this in a really long time, like you could relax because you were finally comfortable with someone.

“Hey bestie, how is your night going?” Hannah found her way over to you, and more of your friends noticed. You recognized what was happening, they wanted to get all of the dirty details about you and Mat. Of course their plan was successful, but you were also a proud individual. All of them were smiling a little too big at you, asking without actually asking.

“I know what you’re trying to do here!” You accused her.

“Don’t waste time woman, we wanna know! How’s it going with Mat?” Hannah asked.

“I saw you going into his room last night!”

“We know you two snuck off last night, don’t even lie.”

“Where did he take you! Was it romantic?”

“One question at a time!” You were only one person after all, “It’s still very new, we just met this weekend.”

“That smile doesn’t lie sweetie.” You were a bad liar and they knew it.

“Okay fine. Yes we snuck off last night, yes I was in his room but we didn’t do anything but talk and make out, he took me to a beach, and yes it was romantic! Now if you don’t mind, I promised my man a dance and that he could touch my butt. I always keep my promises!”

“YOUR MAN?”

You ran before they could question you further, right towards Mat, who held his arms open for you. Hiding things was never your strong suit, so you two had decided to not even bother.

“They look like you just told them the world is going to end tonight, what happened?” He asked, bringing you into his arms for all the world to see. Clearly he was ready to make everyone aware you were an item, and you weren’t going to object.

“I called you my man, and then immediately walked away.” You smiled up at him.

“Oh you did?”

“Yes sir.”

“I guess that does leave us with the big question.”

“What question?”

“What are we going to do with us? Did this weekend make you want to see me again?” Great opportunities rarely presented themselves at your doorstep. Mat had treated you better in the last 24 hours than a lot of people and you already knew your loved ones approved. It felt right, your gut always had a good feeling about these things. It would always be fun to tell the grandkids you met at a wedding, you’d tell them the part about the bar when they were old enough.

“I said you were my man, did I not?”

“Well you did keep me waiting ma’am, that’s a criminal offense. I’m not sure if I’m your man yet.” He said through a smile.

“Oh is that so?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Nah I’m just fuckin with you, I’ve been dying to kiss you all night.” He brought his hands up to cup either side of your face, and kissed you in a way that shouldn’t be in the middle of your best friends wedding reception.

“You don’t want to touch my butt?” You ask when you finally pull apart.

“Of course I do, but if I touch your butt right now we would be leaving this party within the next few minutes and I believe we both have important things to do.” He whispered in your ear, giving him a look. A look that said I know you want to take my clothes off right now, so I’m going to do my best to tease you. After pulling away, Mat offered you his hand for the dance you had promised.

Standing in the middle of the dance floor with him, while looking at your surroundings and seeing how happy your best friend was, kind of hit you like a sack of bricks. A few years ago if someone had told you this was where your life would end up, you’d have called them crazy. You felt him kiss your forehead as you danced, and you felt yourself melt into him a little. You had no defenses against him, your walls suddenly disappeared when he was near. If he was out of your sight, suddenly the world wasn’t as clear anymore. Maybe summer wasn’t just a time for flings, because this one felt different. Who would have thought just one summer weekend could be so life changing.

........

Half a summer and one year later…

You couldn’t believe you were standing where you were. Summer was starting to become your favorite season. The only thing that brought you back down to earth was the squeeze you felt on your hand from your new husband. The look of reassurance on his face told you all that you needed to know, that he loved you and that you’d be fine. Crowds weren’t always your thing, even if it was your own wedding.

“You ready?”

He knew the timing of your entrance better than anyone, and you could hear Tito start to speak from the other side of the door. The doors opened, blinding you with light. You felt one last squeeze, and then your brain managed to get your feet to start moving again.

“My friends, it is my honor and great pleasure to introduce to you for the very first time… MR. AND MRS. MATHEW BARZAL!”

[yurislotusgarden]

TEACHER/PROFESSOR!DAZAI HC'S PART 2

ʚїɞ There are hc's just about teacher Dazai but also some including reader once again so-

ʚїɞ Dazai x reader

ʚїɞ Keep in mind English is not my first language, so you may find mistakes!

ʚїɞ word count: 785

ʚїɞ Part 1

ʚїɞ My current ongoing Christmas event

ʚїɞ Tw’s: None! Just some regular fluff and stuff

ʚїɞ The first part was more liked than I thought damn

ཐིཋྀ If you want to find him outside of the lesson there are 3 options if he isn’t in the classroom

ཐིཋྀ One would be that he’s in Chuuya’s classroom to annoy him (many students wonder why he goes there when they claim to hate each other)

ཐིཋྀ The second one would be that he’s gone to the teacher's lounge probably annoying Kunikida

ཐིཋྀ Or the third option, the lil shit is wandering around the halls so you need to count on sheer luck to find him

ཐིཋྀ Everyone wonders whether he comes to work with bed hair everyday because he's too lazy to brush it out or his hair is naturally messy

ཐིཋྀ HE WOULD HAVE HIS HAIR UP IN A PONYTAIL VERY OFTEN SO IT DOESN’T GO INTO HIS EYES VBDWIBWJWDAEDIVAD

ཐིཋྀ In winter he makes it look like he has a new sweater/shirt everyday, but he simply styles it differently (Motivation comes from the amusement he gets after confusing the students)

ཐིཋྀ He so would wear jewelry like necklaces, earrings, and rings (he wore all his rings outside of the gloves besides the marriage band until his marriage was revealed to the students, after that, it joined the other rings on top and not under the material)

ཐིཋྀ Chuuya even gets him new jewelry every few months, even if there isn't a special occasion

ཐིཋྀ He wanted to make one of those charts with stars or other shapes for specific things like ‘you get a star if you give your work in on time’ to give out good grades practically for free but the school didn't allow him

ཐིཋྀ Students would love that idea, because who wouldn't want free good grades

ཐིཋྀ Actually, I think the school would let him do the chart thing in his first year, but said ‘no’ later

ཐིཋྀ His classroom would be decorated for different occasions, no doubt on that one

ཐིཋྀ He and Chuuya once came to work in each other's clothes and literally everyone was so lost on why they lost a bet to you

ཐིཋྀ Whenever he's in as a substitute, he makes it so damn fun that no student even thinks of skipping because they would miss absolute tea

ཐིཋྀ He always has pens/pencils for the students to borrow if they need it

ཐིཋྀ During his first few years,  a student would get expelled every year from his class due to their stupid decision to flirt with him because they wanted better grades or needed to pass

ཐིཋྀ Speaking of that, a student flirted with you once (a small passing crush) and you had to stop Dazai from expelling them for that😭✋

ཐིཋྀ One time, he randomly called in, saying he couldn't go in. It was obvious he wasn't sick but he hung up before anyone could ask questions

ཐིཋྀ You were sick, that's the reason

ཐིཋྀYou brought cookies the first time you visited Dazai’s class to actually meet the students, and immediately, they held you in high regard because ’Professor Dazai’s spouse brought a cookie for every single student in his class, and you just can’t dislike someone who gives cookies because they wanted to make sure they seem nice’

ཐིཋྀ You wanted to bring ice cream but you realized early on how much it would need to be and decided on cookies instead

ཐིཋྀ The students would be absolutely jealous of Dazai’s bentos when they saw them, no matter whether it was before they knew about you or after

ཐིཋྀ If it was before, they would always ask where he got them and he would give a random street name, just for the students to realize it was something completely different once they checked out the actual address

ཐིཋྀ If it’s after they found out, I can guarantee that some students straight up asked or even offered money to have a bento made by you💀

“It looks so delicious [random name]!”

“You still shouldn’t have asked his spouse to make you food.”

“You’re acting like the professor knows I asked about it.”

“And you’re acting like it’s not obvious that I’ve been told about that.”

ཐིཋྀ Yes, he scared those 2 students in the middle of the lecture and assigned extra work for the one that asked you for food

ཐིཋྀ Dazai gatekeeps your meals from most people, he would from everyone if it wasn't for the fact that he knows it would make you sad to be unable to give food to your friends😭

ཐིཋྀ You sometimes give Dazai 2 or more bentos than just one if you know that one of the other professors didn't make food for the day (if the other person is Chuuya, you need to tell the ginger that Dazai has another bento with him or he won't get it because of Dazai not bothering to tell him or giving it to him)

Notes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated

@kissesmellow21 @deonsx @sukiischaotic (I hope you 3 won't mind the tagging <3)

[alovesreading]

Constant Repeat | Part 15

Summary: Having worked at Focus Creeps for a year, Ella knows that as a production assistant and part of the crew, there’s one important rule: don’t interact with the talent unless it’s needed. But once she meets Arctic Monkeys, and the recording of the music videos for their upcoming fourth studio album starts, the band seem to become her exception. Not only because they treat her more like a friend than just someone else they’re working with but when Alex continuously makes her blush with his flirting, so enthralled by her that he forgets he’s got a girlfriend, Ella finds herself growing closer to him. As videos are filmed, wrapped and edited, the friendship lines become blurry. Situations unfold, secrets are told and others are kept under lock and key, but how long can Alex and Ella endure being stuck in each other’s minds on constant repeat.

Word Count: 32.4k

Story Warnings: Throughout this series there will be suggestive talk, jealousy, cheating, alcohol and drug use, angst, smut.

A/N: Hiii!! I'm finally back with chapter 15 and I'm still baffled at the fact that this one is the longest chapter in CR so far. Well, there was one chapter from the UK trip that ended up being almost 40k so I had to split it in half - but I made you wait long enough so I'm giving you it just as it ended up being. I've very quickly proofread it so I apologise for any grammatical and orthographic errors. Anyway, thanks for your patience everyone, I really really appreciate your support and your sweet messages and all the funny comments you leave here. I hope you lot enjoy this one, sending lots of love xx

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 |

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

It was weird for Ella to go from seeing Alex almost every day to only being able to talk to him through texts sporadically throughout the week.

Not only was the time difference being a horrible obstacle, but also their jobs.

Ella usually got a chance to send a text when she woke up and was getting ready to go to work or in between her lunch breaks, and Alex would usually text her when he had a chance to be on his phone peacefully before the gigs or when he was having trouble falling asleep on the tour bus.

Thankfully, the band had had a week off in Italy by the beginning of them resuming the tour so that the O'Malleys could go on their honeymoon, which meant she got to hear from Alex more often. Ella had been swooning over the pictures Kelly was posting of them in a gorgeous villa in Lake Como, and she'd had the chance to tell Alex how jealous she was of their picturesque views when they had managed to facetime on a random Wednesday during that week off. Alex was in Sorrento with Matt, Jamie and Katie and it was funny hearing how Alex and Matt were being third wheels to the fiances.

Picking up her phone to find random pictures of the places Alex was visiting was something Ella was growing used to. Sometimes it'd be accompanied with a cute 'You'd love this place x' or 'Wish you were here xx', and other times it would be a picture Matt had managed to ruin of a lovely view and it'd come with 'I'm tempted to throw him off this cliff x' to which Ella usually replied with a 'Please do x'.

The pictures Alex got back were mostly of Ella behind the cameras or Ella rolling her eyes by her laptop opened on her email. Being a director meant loads of things on her plate but despite putting on a face for the camera, Ella absolutely loved it. Sometimes the singer would get videos Ella had taken behind the scenes of a production she was shooting, or a quick run through the crew putting everything together for a shoot and Ella excitedly talking about which company it was for and a quick summary of what they were gonna be doing.

But then, the Monkeys resumed their tour so it went back to the little they were managing to talk on the daily, but they were making an effort to keep each other in on what was going on.

They'd talk about anything but what they were itching to say. Because there wasn't a day that would go by without them thinking about that kiss, or rather the couple of kisses they shared in Alex's guest room. And the thought was always accompanied by the hope of another kiss being on the cards for them the next time they'd see each other.

There had been nights on tour Alex had been so drunk he'd found himself writing some sort of message to Ella. Something along the lines of 'I think about those seven minutes far too often darling, and I'm stupidly hoping for them to happen once more when I see you again xxxx' but he'd always delete them, his thumb hovering over the send button for too long as he read and read the message, overthinking it so much that his drunk mind called him a fool for thinking those were the words that were gonna win him Ella.

When the 'Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?' music video came out on August 10th, the band was in Paris. Ella had called them to congratulate them and since they were in the greenroom, waiting for Pale Waves to finish their set before they could go on, Ella had managed to speak to all of them.

It had been a tad emotional, seeing them through a screen having the time of their lives. Ella had teared up when she said she missed them but her tears had cleared from her face when Matt took the piss out of her for not being able to live without them. Nick had smacked the back of the drummer's head, earning him a thank you from Ella and the video call had comically gone on with them pretending Ella was there.

Jamie had poured her a glass of wine that he put right beside Alex's phone which was propped on the drinks table, by a bottle of vodka. Ella had the best time, laughing away in her office as they purposely put on a show for her, chaotically singing along to the music they had loudly ringing through the speakers in the greenroom.

However, the call ended a little bit under half an hour later since the band had to go on stage, but Ella was left with her heart swelling in her chest when they sent her blown kisses and 'love you's as they went, Katie promising to record bits of the show to send her later.

By the time that show had ended and they were taken back to the hotel, Ella had been in a meeting with Ben, Aaron and the manager of an artist that wanted to work with Focus Creeps. That was why she had missed Alex's call, one that could've changed it all.

Alex had been on a high after the gig, but he'd found himself going back to Ella's messages and scrolling up their scattered conversations of the past month, so many feelings sparked inside him that it was almost like an instinct to call her and tell her everything that was coming to his mind: how much he wanted to see her again, to hold her and kiss her, to hear every story from her lips and in person, for her to see every show with her very own eyes and not through videos Katie managed to send her from time to time.

But Ella didn't answer and maybe it was a sign, maybe it wasn't the right time and Alex had that confirmed when Ella texted him hours later saying 'I'm so sorry I couldn't pick up, was in a meeting. I just got a three music video deal with this record label and I'll be doing it all by myself!!! I hope the show went amazing sweets, love you!! xx'

She'd seen the missed call almost two hours later and she'd thought about calling back for a split second before she remembered the difference in time zones and she cringed at the thought of stealing minutes of sleep from him.

Not that Alex wouldn't have answered. He had fallen asleep, phone in hand, waiting for her to call him back but that call never came.

Waking up to the text was bittersweet. A painful weight coming to press on his chest. It felt like another confirmation of him wanting to ask for too much from her, another confirmation of how selfish he was being. He concealed it easily through texts, sharing her excitement for her upcoming projects and even though the elation he felt for her was genuine, the situation continued to hurt nonetheless.

It felt like he was slowly losing her when his chest ached the most for her, an excruciating type of longing that had him zoning out from time to time when he thought too much about it.

And she was no better, every time she would go on her messages to see her latest texts yet to be answered it would dawn on her just how complicated this all was—the stubborn and afraid side of her hidden in the very depths of her mind telling her an annoying told you so every time her thoughts would go to this being the very reason why it wouldn't have ever worked out between them.

Distance was cruel and so was time—which seemed to go by slower than ever as if to mock them for how long they had to stay away from each other.

Another month went by with the same predicament: texts here and there, random pictures and videos of their days, one or two video calls if they were lucky to find the time to call each other without interrupting sleep or work. Ella claimed almost every thought of his and it got worse when the album finally came out.

There were many songs he had written with her in mind, 'Arabella' being the most obvious one, and Alex wanted so badly for her to catch on and say something about it. He understood why she hadn't back when they were recording but now, after everything that had happened, he was hopeful.

Yet, to his dismay, Ella didn't say anything about it when she texted him the day AM came out.

(09/09/2013 07:17) This record is incredible Al! Got it delivered right in time and I played it on the way to the office today. I keep thinking back to watching y'all record it in Rancho de la Luna and getting emotional at the memories :'( it was truly magical and hearing the album finally be out for everyone to hear makes me so fucking proud!!!! You guys are fucking amazing!!! The reviews are great, I told you this one would make history and it's already looking pretty damn good over here ;) Can't wait to see the gig later tonight! Love you!! xx

Ella had texted George to congratulate him for The 1975's debut album coming out the first day of the month, and after a little flirting from the drummer which had her blushing and struggling to reply, he had told her they'd be playing a set at the iTunes Festival that would be available to stream later.

That was how she'd found out she would be able to watch the Monkeys' set, since they were also playing the festival, when she got home from work and she was absolutely buzzing. It had been so much fun watching The 1975 while having a glass of wine the night before, and she'd ended asking Flo when they'd be touring the US so that she could get tickets to see them in LA.

Alex had thanked her for the love when he was sitting in the greenroom and he had joked about the set being dedicated to her. But he wasn't really joking. He really wished she was there with them, just like Breana, who had joined them in the previous week of the tour and was sitting on Matt's lap as they all chatted and laughed with drinks in hand.

They were due to be in the States again in a week so Alex figured he could arrange something up. They had a festival run for most of the month and it wouldn't be until the end of the month that they would go to LA for a headline show so he made a few calls to try and sort something out to see Ella earlier and he managed to convince his team of recording the music video for their next single before they got to LA, and it would be recorded with Focus Creeps again.

Before they resumed their tour, they had settled that 'One For The Road' would be the next single, along with 'You're So Dark' as its b-side.

A few emails and calls between AM's team and Focus Creeps was all it took to arrange it and the day for the shoot had fallen on the 23rd of September so the crew would be flying out to Chicago.

Alex had been buzzing in anticipation, the whole week leading up to the shoot he had spent it with an extremely good mood at the prospect of seeing Ella again, even if it was just merely a week earlier than their actual gig in Los Angeles.

But his hopes had been shattered in an instant when Ella had managed to text him back three days before the shoot saying that Aaron had been the one to be assigned the music video. One of the three videos she'd signed a contract with a record label to direct had been scheduled for that same Monday, meaning that it was between Ben and Aaron to take over and, eventually, Aaron had been the one to volunteer himself for it.

Ella'd had a tough time hiding just how upset she was about it, but Ben had caught up on it the day Aaron and his crew were checking they had everything ready for the shoot, her cheeks had gone bright red when the director came into her office and finished his quick chat about her shoot with, "Don't worry, they'll be here by the end of the month and you'll see him then."

Ben didn't need to say more than that for her to know exactly what he meant and she hated the fact that she couldn't manage to reply with anything, only a nod of her head which took her far too long to offer and Ben left the room with a knowing chuckle.

In hindsight, he must've seen the longing written all over her face as she stared at the open YouTube tab she had displayed on her computer with the latest BBC Live Lounge video which was of the Monkeys covering a Drake song she hadn't heard before. Ella sighed as she put her earphones back on and pressed play yet again, hearing the cover for the millionth time that week as she went back over the reviewed checklist Lydia had handed her over an hour before.

Aaron and his crew had gone to Chicago on Sunday morning and had a nice day settling down in the city, being mindful of properly resting since they were set to film with the band on Monday morning.

By the time Ella had woken up on Monday and was getting ready for a long day ahead, she had a text from Alex which consisted of a selfie of the band already in suits and on set, which funnily enough was a large farm, accompanied by a text that read 'Jamie Cook will be the camera's muse today. Miss you darling xx'

Those last words turned her into mush and a loopy smile stayed on her face as she drove to the office and then left to the site they were filming at. She sent back a picture there, when she was settled behind the cameras as the lighting crew finished setting up, a pout on her face to emphasize on her message that accompanied the picture: 'Behind the wrong cameras today :( Miss you too sweets xx'

Alex saw it about an hour after she sent it, during a break Aaron had let them have because of how hot it had gotten for them all in the tailored suits under the blazing sun that not even Chicago's wind helped them bear. He'd smiled like a fool as he went over every little detail of her face, the wrinkles in the middle of her brows as she frowned, those pretty eyes of hers almost hidden away behind her almost closed lids, the freckles he loved counting whenever he had her close perfectly showcased against her skin under the sun, her lips pink and soft in a pout that he wanted so badly to kiss away.

Alex just wanted her to be there with him, to have his arms around her and keep her close the whole time, to feel her laugh in his hold so their chests rumbled with joy together, to watch her pupils dilating as she drank with them, to have her pleading to take his picture or just sneakily taking one without him noticing, to feel the warmth of her touch all over him. To hear her call him that nickname she'd given him, sweetness, that was more her than it was him but it made him melt and maybe it was just her coming to swallow him entirely and melting him into a puddle of sweetness, all sticky like honey.

He missed her and it hurt, he ached for her presence and, if he had been already begging for the days to go by faster, now he was on his knees begging for them to fly by. He just couldn't survive anymore with just pictures and videos and those texts she sends. He needed her like he hadn't before. Because now it just wasn't something physical, it was this desperate need for a fix of her presence and how she made him feel when she was close, when she looked at him, when she laughed with him and touched him.

After that Alex had been distracted almost the whole recording of the video and when he watched as a girl stood there in front of the camera wearing the 'One For The Road' leather jacket, he couldn't help but think he was taking that with him to LA and giving it to Ella.

It seemed like Alex wasn't the only one moping around, for Ella went straight to Los Feliz the second the crew went back to the office and finished putting everything away. But she felt empty going alone into the theater yet again, and in desperate need to feel like he was there with her like how badly she wanted, she bought a ticket for a Blade Runner screening.

She sent a picture of her ticket and her melancholy slipped a little when she captioned it 'Your favorite today because I miss you and Los Feliz is looking a little dull without you here to make commentary xx'

Waking up to that made Alex feel a bit better, knowing he wasn't alone in his longing and a spark of hope ignited inside his chest. His thoughts the usual push and pull of does she, doesn't she that drove him insane on the daily.

He sang 'Arabella' and 'Do I Wanna Know?'with a lot more intent that night, as if she could hear him and answer just what he was implicitly asking.

But, of course, she wasn't listening because she wasn't in San Francisco that night.

However, being in San Francisco meant there were merely a handful more sleeps left until he got to see her and that soothed his soul. If he closed his eyes and thought hard enough, he could already feel her and hear her and breathe in her scent.

Just a few more days, Alex reminded himself every night before falling asleep—a smile on his face that stayed even throughout his dreams which were oh so coincidentally about Ella.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Ella had been so nervous getting ready the Sunday the band arrived in Los Angeles. They'd gotten into town in the morning and they'd gone straight to the venue so that their crew could set up and they could soundcheck by noon.

She'd been wide awake since seven in the morning and tossed and turned in bed as she waited for any sign of life from Alex.

He Facetimed her almost three hours later, the second the lads had settled down in their greenroom and he could escape to the back of the venue.

"Good morning, darling." Alex greeted her the second she answered and he smiled like a right fool when he saw her still in bed, hair splayed out on her pillow and a smile that had her eyes closing.

"Good morning sweetness." She yawned softly behind her hand and rubbed her eye with her knuckles before she basically begged, "Please tell me you're here already."

His cheeks hurt from how hard he was smiling and he put his sunglasses up on top of his head to see her properly despite the sun burning his corneas, "We are. Just got settled in the greenroom and the crew is setting up the stage so we can soundcheck soon."

Ella shifted in bed to her side so she could squeal into her pillow and Alex wanted to have the ability to teleport just so he could lay over her and shower her in kisses because of how fucking adorable she was.

"Okay, I'm gonna have breakfast and get ready to head over there before rush hour." She all but jumped out of bed and Alex held his breath when he noticed which top she'd worn to sleep.

It was the Clockwork Orange top he gave her when she'd stayed with him that night of the wedding, which he had fully forgotten about. But seeing her wearing it had him feeling a rush of warmth running through his veins and he fucking loved it.

The words left him before he could even process them, "Lovely top you've got on."

He watched as a pink flush coated her cheeks and a soft string of giggles slipped past her lips, "Sorry, I'll give it back when I see you later."

But that wasn't what he wanted, no. If anything he wanted to give her whichever shirt of his she fancied if it meant he'd get to see her wearing them right after.

"No." He quickly replied, a shake of his head to ensure she got the message, "Please keep it, darling. Looks better on you anyway."

She rolled her eyes as she walked to the bathroom, getting more flustered by the second. Her bare feet on the cold wood flooring of her house helped bring her temperature down slightly but she still looked quite red when she propped him up by the sink.

"Yeah, I think I pull it off quite well." Ella cockily quipped back with a smirk on her face as she grabbed her toothbrush and toothpaste.

She was looking at herself in the mirror for a few seconds so she missed the way Alex was stuck gawking at her through the screen. It was painfully obvious she wasn't wearing a bra underneath it and it was driving him insane.

"You really do, darling." Alex managed out his agape mouth, he was almost drooling. He wanted to kiss her again so badly.

Right before she could start brushing her teeth, she said, "Right sweets, I'm gonna get ready as fast as I can yeah?"

He hummed, nodding his head like a kid which was bargaining an hour of good behavior for an ice cream cone.

"Love you, I'll see you soon." She leaned in closer to the camera and offered him a bright smile, fluttering lashes as she watched him glow under the sun.

He matched her grin and reciprocated the feeling with much more hidden passion than she knew, "Love you darling. Can't wait to see you."

A giggle escaped her as she waved at the camera and he did just the same, two seconds of a wave before she pressed the red button to end the call.

He sighed, really dreading however long it would be until he saw her, feet lazily taking him back to the greenroom where he and the lads went on to have the food and drinks on their raider.

Ella was actually rushing through everything, cooking her breakfast and practically inhaling it before heading back to the bathroom to take the quickest shower and she half assed the job of drying her hair, letting the dampness still present to air dry as she dressed and did her makeup.

In less than an hour she was out the door, throwing herself in her car and quickly backing out of her driveway to rush over to the venue.

It was a fucking joke how even at eleven in the morning, the LA traffic was still a pain in the ass. It wasn't as bad as it could really get but Ella wanted to be there already and having to wait twenty more minutes sitting in traffic on the highway was exasperating.

She smiled when she got off into Koreatown and realized they were only a few miles away from Los Feliz, thinking whether or not there would be a possibility to sneak out of the venue to at least take a stroll over there. It would have to be that very day though, because the next two shows, she'd be able to make it just in time before Pale Waves were set to start if she was going to the venue directly from work.

It took her a few minutes to park right across the venue and cross the street to where people were already gathering in a short line for the show. Arctic Monkeys - Tonight at 8PM - with support of Pale Waves - Sold Out it read on the display right below the big red letters of The Wiltern Theater, Ella smiled to herself as a wave of excitement and pride came over her and her palms started sweating in anticipation.

That was a bit shadowed when she had to walk up to the security guard in the very front of the line and say she was in the guest list, the big bulky scary man offering her a soft smile and asking her for her ID and then to wait just as he made sure she was indeed in the guest list.

She heard the muffle voice of however was talking through the radio he had in hand and she took in the curious glances of the people in line when the guard nodded, handed her ID back and opened the door for her to walk in, "To your right walk all the way down, their tour manager is waiting for you."

"Thank you," Ella said shyly, a tight lip smile and a nod was all she left the guard with before she followed the instructions and just as she'd been told, Steve was waiting for her at the end of the hallway.

"Ella!" He greeted her warmly and she smiled at him, a comforting relief coming over her at the familiar face she hadn't seen in very very long, more specifically since Glastonbury.

"Hi Steve!" She greeted just as enthusiastically and hugged him tightly, "How are you? How's tour life treating you?"

He pulled away from the hug and answered as he started walking through a maze of hallways with her beside him, "The usual, everything's fucking mental but we make it work."

"That you do." She chuckled, she'd seen a few clips here and there of the tour and it always looked absolutely incredible. She couldn't wait to hear the new songs live though.

They walked past a few doors before she managed to see the one with the latest Arctic Monkeys logo, in the same font as Black Sabbath's which she loved so much but she was surprised when Steve walked right past it.

Her mouth opened to ask where he was taking her if the greenroom was right there but he beat her to it when he said, "They're out there soundchecking right now."

It was a quarter past twelve so she nodded understandingly, and she let herself get more and more excited as they walked closer to the door by the side of the stage. And when they finally walked past those doors, she was drowned with the strumming of guitars and that soft voice she'd missed so much.

Her fingers dug into her thighs, trying to wipe the sweat off her palms on her shorts and somehow release a bit of the nerves that were cursing her but when she walked in front of the stage beside Steve and Alex's eyes fell on hers, it was like it had all disappeared.

Alex stopped mid verse, the biggest smile appearing on his face and making it impossible for him to continue. She was right there, finally. So he turned to the lads and the sound crew for a second, asking, "That sounds good right?" But not waiting for an answer at all, only nodding like he knew it was right and quickly propping his guitar up on its stand, to rush to the side of the stage and run towards her.

His arms opened as he dashed for her and she did just the same, meeting in the middle harshly, the force of their collision not even being something they acknowledge as they clinged into each other tightly, he even lifted her off the ground to spin them around once before he set her down and mumbled, "Oh darling, finally." in her ear.

"I missed you so fucking much." Ella whispered back, a knot forming in her throat when it all fell into place, this was all that she was missing.

"Me too," He said desperately, cradling her head with his right hand while the other held her tightly around her waist, "You've no idea how much."

But she could imagine, because she had missed him in such a pathetic way, every day spent thinking about what he might be doing and envious of those who got to see him on the daily, every night breathlessly calling out his name as she touched herself wishing it was him.

She pushed aside the thought of one particular night she'd bought herself a new toy and all that she'd pictured was him filling her up instead of some stupid piece of plastic, only for her actions to flood her brain so much that she dreamt about it and she was left frustrated that she couldn't fulfill her want and her needs with him.

"Ella!" Nick called out as he walked across the stage, she pulled back and smiled brightly at him, waving at him to come to her and he did just that.

Alex reluctantly let her go for the rest of the lads to hug her and Ella found herself silently shedding a few tears at the reunion.

"Missed you." She mumbled against Matt's shoulder, sniffling right after so the drummer left a bunch of kisses on her temple, hugging her tightly to him and leaving his teasing persona on the side to say, "Missed you too, Ellie."

She let go and fiddled with her fingers as she looked around the guys, "Sorry I interrupted. You guys can continue."

"Do we have to?" Alex directed the question at the sound guys and sighed in annoyance when they nodded. He knew they'd just started soundcheck merely a few minutes before but he wanted it to be over and spend as much time as he could with Ella.

"It's fine." Ella waved him off, "I'll go look for Bre. She's in the greenroom isn't she?"

Matt nodded, "Yeah, she's been waiting for you."

So it was settled then, Ella would go over to wait for them backstage and she would see her best friend after being apart for so long.

Before she could leave though, she made sure to hug them all over again like it was the last time she could. Alex reveled in the feeling of her arms over his shoulders and around his neck holding him close to her and he melted when she left a loud kiss on his cheek before she was walking away back to the greenroom.

Ella was feeling so chipper as she walked up to the greenroom, a skip in her step and a massive smile on her face. Steve had left her on her own when she assured him she remembered the way there so he could stay to watch the soundcheck. So she knocked on the door softly when she got there and she opened it slowly to be greeted by her best friend who jumped up from the settee and ran over to her.

There was barely a second to close the door behind her when Bre threw herself in Ella's arms and they squealed at them finally being reunited back home.

"Can you not leave me again? I missed you bitch!" Ella complained in Breana's ear, eyes closed and relishing in the feeling of having her best friend with her again.

"I'm sorry." Bre laughed, "Committed to the groupie life now."

Ella cackled, pulling back as she softly pushed Bre away, "Of course."

A voice coming from the left side of the room interrupted her before she could tease Breana, "Hello gorgeous."

Her head turned so quickly and she smiled sheepishly when she saw Alice standing there. That smirk of hers promising pure mischief but just as inviting as it always was.

"Allie!" Ella said as she walked up to her, wrapping her arms around the singer's waist and pulling her into a hug.

"How've you been?" Alice asked, brushing a strand of her behind Ella's ear which had her biting her tongue not to smile too hard about.

Alice and George both would forever hold the power to make her crumble in an instant with the simplest of touches. It was kind of embarrassing.

"Alright, y'know. Filming loads now, so I'm very busy. But it's just what I dreamed of, really couldn't ask for anything else."

Alice nodded, a genuine smile on her face as her eyes took in how Ella was glowing, "M'glad baby." She squeezed Ella's waist, letting her hold slowly leave her side and Ella smiled as she took one step back. "You look beautiful." Alice took her in with one slow sweep of her eyes down her figure and Ella blushed at the compliment.

Ella really didn't think her blue jean shorts, her striped button down that was tucked into them and her chelsea boots was much of a fashionable outfit. Still she gave Alice a bright grin and said, "Thank you. So do you."

Oscar and Connor walked in through the door then and they instantly recognized her and walked over to hug her hello, and then they introduced them to the last member of Pale Waves that she still hadn't had the chance to meet, their drummer, Zara.

"Hi, I'm Ella! Nice to finally meet you!" The director said, putting her hand out for Zara to shake.

"Zara," the drummer said and welcomed the gesture just as kindly but then she teased her by saying, "So you're the famous Ella..."

Ella's eyes widened ever so slightly, entirely surprised about the hint of insinuation and a tad confused, but Oscar was the one to let her know what she meant by explaining, "Alice loved your pictures so much she has a few framed and up on her walls and Zara was quite intrigued."

"Oh..." Ella let out, her cheeks burning up and the flush coming all the way down to her neck. It was so noticeable since she had the top buttons of her shirt undone and her collarbones and chest were exposed for everyone to see. "Glad you liked the pictures. I guess."

Alice snorted in laughter beside her, finding it so amusing and just as endearing that she reacted like this and Zara smirked as well, "Yeah, they were quite something. But, in all seriousness, they were really good."

At that Ella puffed her chest out slightly, pride filling up her chest and overshadowing the embarrassment, "Thank you."

They all moved to sit down in the settees and chairs available and little by little they went onto catching up on what had been happening in the past two months. Some things Ella knew from Alex's texts or what Breana had managed to let her know when she joined the lads at the start of the month.

About twenty minutes later the lads came back into the room and Ella's heart swelled in her chest when Alex took a seat beside her and wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her flush against his side. She smiled loopily and she let her head fall on his shoulder as she listened to the new conversation sparking in the room. Alex left a kiss atop of her head, breathing in her scent and closing his eyes in utter bliss.

It felt like being home.

Time went fast, one moment they'd gotten food delivered to the venue and Alex and Matt were making everyone drinks and the other, Pale Waves was about to go on stage for their forty minute set before the Monkeys.

"Are you coming out to watch us?" Alice asked Ella as one of the sound guys fixed her mic pack on the top of her skirt.

Ella nodded with a smile, "Absolutely." but Alex's hold tightening on her waist made her turn to watch him and ask, "D'you wanna come with me?"

If it was anyone else asking, he would've said no—finding nothing worse than to have to watch Alice on stage yet again—but it was Ella so he nodded without a hint of doubt, "Of course darling. Let's go to the side of the stage, yeah?"

Alice had been throwing flirty comments at Ella the whole afternoon and it had Alex grinding his teeth. Ella had been playing along here and there but she never left his side and that was the only thing he was going to focus on. They'd had their touch on each other the whole time, if it wasn't his arm around her waist, it was her fingers fiddling with his, or him playing with her hair, or her legs thrown over his lap so he held her in place with a warm hand over her knee.

They were making up for lost time and it was clear to everyone, but they kept their mouths shut for their sake. To not disturb the bubble they had created around themselves. Alice was the only one to poke it with a faint touch every time she flirted with Ella but it seemed like it was beneficial to Alex since the director would only lean into his touch every time that happened.

It was like Ella was replying with her words but subconsciously she was telling Alice how much she just wanted the man rubbing circles on her thighs.

Ella stood up and reached her hand out for Alex to grab, and when he intertwined their fingers she pulled him up to have him walk with her. After grabbing their drinks, they went over to the stage along with the band, only they stopped on the side of it and Ella marveled at the sight of that many people and the volume of the crowd the second Pale Waves stepped out.

Alex stood behind Ella to her right side, one arm thrown over her shoulders and fiddling with the collar of her shirt as they watched the band perform. Ella had a smile on her face as she sang along and Alex was surprised to hear how she knew almost every line to every song.

A screech came from Ella when the second to last song started, 'There's A Honey' was probably her favorite off their record and she was ecstatic to finally hear it live.

When it was over, she turned to look at Alex with the biggest smile, "They're so good!"

Alex reluctantly agreed with a simple nod, taking in the way her face lit up under the red lighting of the stage.

But her smile faltered when 'Came In Close' started and she turned around to watch the band again, this time entirely silent just taking in the lyrics.

The first time Ella had heard the song when she played the full record, days after she got back home from her trip to the UK, she'd instantly made the connection of it to Alex and it was one of them things she couldn't really shake.

The same way it was hard to listen to The Strokes after Julian, the same way she couldn't listen to Highlight of my Life by Dolly Parton without feeling that pinch to her chest from her first heartbreak.

Ella sighed to herself when the set ended and Alice thanked everyone for coming, giving a brief shoutout to the Monkeys for having them on tour. She just hoped Alex hadn't caught onto that, especially because it was just sending her into a pathetic spiral.

Is it a sign? She wondered with a soft frown on her face.

"Y'alright?" Alex asked as she turned around, ready to leave.

"Yeah, yeah." Ella quickly muttered, taking a gulp of her still half full cup. "Let's go." She got a hold of his wrist and tugged him to walk beside her back to the greenroom.

The lads still had 30 minutes left until they had to go on stage so Ella wanted to just spend it in their presence, considering she only really had those three days with them and then they'd be gone again until December.

An overly hyper Alice and Oscar ran up to the pair and quickly started asking Ella if she liked their set, the American nodded eagerly and pointed out her favorite parts, accentuating how happy she was to hear her favorite song of theirs live.

When they got back, the energy buzzing through Alice and her bandmates was palpable in the air, so the lads turned to see them walk into the room with a smile on their faces.

"How was it?" Jamie was the one to ask, seeing Pale Waves touring with them and their reactions to the masses that gathered in front of them every night of tour reminded him of the Monkeys when they had just started and it was nostalgic and endearing.

Zara whistled in awe, "Fucking brilliant."

Oscar nodded, walking straight towards the table filled with drinks, "Honestly, amazing crowd."

"It's Los Angeles, baby, of course it is." Ella said proudly, lifting her cup in the air and throwing a wink on Alice's way.

Alice winked back and blew her a kiss, one that Alex rolled his eyes at as Ella hid her blushy cheeks behind the glass while she finally drank the last of her cocktail.

Matt stood up then and with a chipper tone in his voice, he suggested, "Right so... another round of margaritas?"

Everyone nodded, Pale Waves wanted to celebrate yet another successful night and the lads wanted to continue letting loose knowing that it was their turn to go up on stage in about half an hour.

So Matt and Alex took over, with a little help from Connor, and just like that everyone was cheering to an incredible night five minutes later.

The group had gotten caught up in lively chatter as they waited, but before they even realized, time had flown right past them and the lads were snatched from the greenroom and instructed to go up on stage.

Bre and Ella ran out to join the crowd in the GA floor area and they cheered just as loud as everyone around them when the band walked in on stage. The stage looked stunning, and she thought about just how hot it would get from the hard lights. She couldn't even imagine how much it would be on the lads considering Alex, Jamie and Nick were wearing blazers and long sleeve button ups.

If Ella had been amazed at the crowd's volume during Pale Waves' set, then she was absolutely mindblown when 'Do I Wanna Know?' started and the screams were deafening. The walls shook with the bass and the sneer of the drums, each strum of the guitars reverberated in her chest and she swore she could feel the floor shaking beneath her feet when Alex started singing.

Ella was entirely entranced by it all, she had missed seeing them on stage after months and the wonder never withered away. There was a feeling bubbling up inside her that she was sure wasn't due to the pair of cocktails she'd nursed earlier, though she really hoped she would have blamed it on it. When Alex found her in the back of the crowd, the feeling multiplied and Ella felt almost dizzy from it.

It was like Alex tried his best to steer away from Ella but his eyes were magnetized to her almost throughout the whole show, and not only the guys but also Breana noticed the change in Alex's demeanor compared to past shows. He was smiling so much as he sang, his gaze swimming through the crowd to end up looking at her and there was something laced around his words that showed especially when he sang those tunes he'd written with Ella in mind.

He'd raised his eyebrows and smirked at her right before they started 'Teddy Picker' and his eyes looked pleading as he stared at her when he sang 'Arabella'—Ella had been left breathless when he sang the bridge and didn't move his gaze from her, her eyes stuck on his mouth and the way it grazed the mic with every word as the sweat dripped down the sides of his face and his neck, unable to stop watching how he brushed his hair back to keep it from sticking to his forehead.

She and Bre went absolutely crazy with the crowd at the end of 'Do Me A Favour?' and Ella was a mess of giggles when Alex teased the crowd as he introduced their last song, 'R U Mine?'

Ella had her eyes stuck watching the way Alex's fingers swiftly moved up on the neck of his guitar, not even a glance down to where to place them as he sang with his eyes half lidded. She bit her lip while she watched his hips sway to the song, a smoothness to every one of his moves that had her mind going places.

It had been a fright when a fan managed to go on stage and grabbed the setlist from its place on the floor of the stage, she'd gasped seeing a security guard chase the teenager and catch him right behind Nick, but she'd eventually laughed at the band staying cool and unbothered at the situation.

The walls rumbled with the intensity of the voices that sang along the last chorus and it was an incredible buzz that lingered in the air like a charged cloud ready to thunder down when the guys waved as they left the stage, Alex blowing kisses and throwing peace signs in thanks to the audience for their attendance.

Trying their best to make their way through the crowd, Ella and Bre managed to go backstage again, flashing their AAA passes and when they walked past the doors and saw the lads slowly walking back to the greenroom, they took off to hug them.

Bre jumped on Matt's back, who instinctively grabbed the backs of her thighs and managed to stabilize himself as the model attacked the side of his face with chaste kisses. And Ella had ran into Alex's back, slamming into him with an oof and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist.

"That was fucking incredible!" Ella squealed in excitement, her eyes glimmering with admiration that Alex got to see when he unwrapped Ella's arms from him to pull her to his side and throw his arm over her shoulders.

Alex smiled wide down at her, leaning in to leave a kiss on her temple, "Did you like it?"

Ella scrunched up her nose at him at the kiss, letting herself take in the feeling of his lips on her before nodding and saying, "Loved it!" Her fingers squeezed at his waist softly as she added, "Thank you for keeping my favorite in the setlist."

He hummed with a smirk on his face, "I couldn't ever take it off, especially not if you're in attendance."

He winked at her and her cheeks were quickly dusted with a pink flush. It filled him with warmth seeing her blush at him again, he had missed that so much.

But his reminiscing was changed for surprise when she leaned into his ear and whispered, "Good boy." before leaving his side and throwing herself at Jamie, ruffling the guitarist's hair and congratulating him for being amazing and effortlessly pulling off the War Pigs riff by the end of the song.

Alex was left stupefied by that for a few minutes, not really knowing how to act anymore after that. He just wanted to walk up to her and interrupt her conversation with Jamie to kiss her hard and take her somewhere else. He wanted her all to himself.

Unfortunately, that wasn't possible. Not when they had to stay for an hour in the greenroom to ride out the adrenaline running through them after the show, whilst they waited for the crew to pack things up and leave their gear in order for the gig the next day.

When Steve came back to let them know they could leave, Pale Waves were the first to take a cab to the hotel they were all staying at. They'd said goodbye to Ella and she'd promised to be back to see them the next day.

So Ella, Bre and the lads slowly walked out the back of the venue towards the exit where their tour team was waiting for them to say what they were doing next.

Matt gestured towards Steve to give them a few minutes so that the group could figure it out, Alex and Jamie deciding to have a cigarette as they spoke and offering their packs up for anyone else who wanted a smoke.

Ella plucked one out from Alex's pack, and she thanked Jamie when he lit it up for her.

"Where are you staying?" She curiously asked them, taking a long drag of smoke.

Nick shrugged, barely remembering the area it was at, "Some fancy hotel on Sunset Strip."

"Oh..." Ella nodded, her brows raised at the mention of the neighborhood. She was intrigued so she thought about it aloud, just throwing a question into the air, "Is it the Edition?"

And to Ella's luck, she guessed correctly. "Yep, that one." Bre smirked in confirmation, she couldn't believe it when the band's tour bus drove past there and Steve had told them they'd be staying there.

The director whistled funnily in amazement, "Fucking hell. Record's doing quite well then."

Jamie and Alex snorted out a laugh, their heads shaking side to side at Ella's tone. But Matt scoffed, "Why wouldn't it?"

"Alright, Helders." Ella rolled her eyes, the smoke slipping past her lips as she spoke, "Forgot you've got a big ass head."

The drummer smirked and quickly joked by replying, "Next time ask Bre so you don't forget." ending it with a wink that made Ella dramatically frown and gag.

"You're disgusting..." She pointed at him with the lit up end of her cig, and then she sighed in exasperation, "That's my cue. I'm going."

"This early?" Alex let out instantly, a tinge of sadness in his voice.

Ella was sure it was way past eleven, since the last time she'd checked her phone was a while ago and it was a quarter to eleven, so she pulled out her phone and the screen showed her a horrendous 11:47 pm.

"It's almost midnight." She pouted, she still had to drive a whole fifty minutes back to her house and she was fucking knackered.

"The night is young!" Bre exclaimed as if that was going to convince her, she prayed Ella could see the 'call in sick for work tomorrow and come with us!' written all over her face.

It filled Ella with sorrow to be logical and actually take her responsibilities into consideration, "I've got work tomorrow and I'm driving home."

Bre winced silently when she realized how far Ella's was from the venue so she nodded sadly but understanding the situation.

To Ella's left though, Alex let his jaw drop slightly at the piece of information and a soft gasp came from him before he scolded her, "Darling, why'd you have those margaritas then?!"

Ella chuckled at him and waved him off, "Oh I only had two and it's been a while. I'm completely sober, I promise."

"You sure?" Alex asked seriously, not a hint of amusement on his face.

She nodded in confirmation at the same time as Nick offered, "You can always stay with us."

"Making you get another room just because yous want me to go out for drinks? No." She loved them and they were some of her closest friends but she wouldn't at all consider being that much of a burden not only to them but to their team. Accepting to have them spend money on a hotel room for her when she was just an hour away from home was silly and embarrassing.

And, of course, Matt took the opportunity to be a dickhead for he shrugged and suggested, "You can always share a room with someone."

"Matthew, don't." Ella glared at him with a fury that the drummer wasn't expecting, he had to press his lips together to not ask why the sudden intensity, but he didn't even get the chance because Ella took one last drag of her cigarette and then turned to her right to say goodbye, "Okay, that's it. Goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow."

She gave hugs around, all warm and with intent, and whispered goodbyes and love yous in their ears. When it got to Alex, she clutched him the tightest and kissed his cheek.

"Same time?" Matt asked from behind her since she was still hugging Alex.

"Later, unfortunately." Ella sighed out with a hint of sorrow, "Coming straight from the office once I'm done with work."

Alex wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her in and left a quick kiss on her temple before assuring her, "S'alright. As long as you're here, darling."

She turned to offer him a sweet smile and confirmed, "I will certainly be."

A breathy and soft "Good." was what Alex replied before letting her go and she took a few steps before turning around and blowing everyone a kiss, "Love you guys." She saw the nearest exit and waved them goodbye before quickly walking out of the venue with a loud and cheery, "See ya'!"

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

She had tried her best to leave early, but she'd been caught up in a long meeting with Ben, Aaron and a few other people from Universal Music who had come over to the office to talk about signing a contract with Focus Creeps for a year.

It was exciting, the creative liberty they were offering alongside the good pay and the opportunity to work with multiple artists, but she kept glancing down at the time on her phone and it was annoying how every time five minutes seemed to pass like lightning.

When she had finally shook the hands of the reps and wished them farewell after she, Ben and Aaron had finally signed the contract, it had been half past six so she knew she'd be caught in horrendous traffic on the way there.

By the time she managed to find a spot in the parking lot across the street from the venue, she knew she'd missed Pale Waves' set. Thankfully, it was the same guard as the day before who stood at the door and he quickly let her inside.

She was power walking to the greenroom, a sliver of guilt threading through her ribs up her chest for being so late, so much so that the "Hello!" she offered everyone, just as she walked through the door after knocking three times, came out a little shy and strangled.

A loud "Ella!" was heard in chorus as everyone turned to the door to see her walk in.

Before she could even hug Bre who was right by the door with her camera in hand, seemingly having been about to take a picture, Ella turned to Zara and Alice who were standing across the room and apologized, "I'm so sorry. I missed your set, didn't I?"

Oscar, who Ella hadn't noticed was right beside her, threw his arm around her shoulders and sighed, "Yeah, we just came back in about ten minutes ago."

"Fucks sake." She let her shoulders drop in dismay and mumbled another curse under her breath to then point out, "Traffic was horrendous."

Alice waved her off with a quick, "S'alright." and a lighthearted wink and to make that frown disappear from her face, the singer offered, "Do you want a drink?"

Ella leaned into Oscar's hold to side hug him before leaving his side and going up to Bre to say hello. When she pulled back from hugging her best friend, she shook her head, "No, sorry I'm driving again and I don't think I'll sober up in time if I do."

The rest of the group held her tightly when she went up to hug them hello and she ended up plopping down on the settee next to Alex when she was done.

"How was work today?" Alex ask her genuinely, he had texted her earlier when the lads had agreed on going with him for lunch in Los Feliz and he'd send Ella a selfie along with a 'We're just missing you x' to which Ella had replied with a sad face and a promise to be at the venue as soon as she could.

She sighed as her day flashed through her mind in a sped up reel, "The usual, calls and emails to answer, projects to go over. Although, we did sign a year-long contract with UMG just an hour ago."

"Universal Music?" Zara asked with a brow raised, Alice looking at her with wide eyes beside the drummer.

A hint of blush came to Ella's face when she nodded, "Yep."

Bre squeaked and ran behind the settee to hug Ella from behind, keeping her in a loving chokehold as she pressed kisses on her cheek, "Congratulations!"

The rest of the group followed, congratulating Ella with chipper voices as she was now stuck in Breana and Alex's hold. Ella said "Thank you." between giggles and when Bre finally let go and Alex stopped squeezing her in his arms, she turned to Jamie and Nick who were sitting across from her and pointed out, "Oh I saw the editing department halfway done with 'One For The Road' earlier! It looks so good."

"Does it?" Alex teased as he headbutted her softly.

She chuckled lightly and added, "Yes! Y'all looked beautiful."

A loud snort came from the left side of the room, from Matt to be exact. He had a smirk on his face and repeated, "Beautiful?" as he found Ella's choice of an adjective to be hilarious and slightly thinking she was taking the piss.

"Oh what, is that not sitting well with you?" Ella scowled, she had actually meant it because from the clips she'd seen, they did look amazing. So she scoffed, trying to think of some other word that would appease the drummer, "What do you want me to say? You looked fit?"

Matt lifting up his beer bottle as in a cheers to that, had Ella rolling her eyes,"Now that's more like it."

"We need to get you back in England, darling." Alex joked further, his fingers pinching her waist, making her jolt in her place.

With a faint hit to his arm, she just said, "Oh shush." and just turned her attention back on Breana to ask, "D'you wanna go up to the balcony with me today?"

"Absolutely babe." Bre nodded with a big smile on her face, "That'll be fun."

"You're gonna get a good view that's for sure." Jamie pointed out. They'd gone up to the balcony the day before when they'd just gotten to the venue and he thought about how cool it must look during the show with all the lights and the crowd down on the floor.

"Counting on it." Ella quipped back as she straightened up on her seat, about to get up and leave the room with Bre, but she looked at Alex once more and she took the time to fully take in how he looked.

There was a hint of a smirk on her face when she said, "You look good." He looked fucking stunning, "I like this blazer." Her fingers traced down the lapel of the sparkly red blazer he had on, but her eyes went further down and properly stared at every detail of him.

She found herself thinking I also like this golden chain and this black shirt and how you've not buttoned it up completely, and those black jeans and that belt with the big buckle.

Alex grinned at her while she kept gawking down at him, she was entranced by the big golden buckle of his belt and he felt a tingle rushing to every nerve ending of his body.

"My eyes are up here, darling." He teased her, eyes not leaving her until she glanced back up at him with pink cheeks that she didn't let him really admire because she all but jumped up from beside him.

"Shut up." Ella called out, her gaze falling on her best friend so she didn't see the way everyone in the room was snickering and holding in their teasing laughter.

Without giving her much of an option, Ella grabbed Breana by the wrist and pulled her so that she could walk with her out of the room, "Bre let's go." And right before they could walk past the door, she turned around and said, "Bye boys. Break a leg."

The show started shortly after Ella and Bre had managed to settle in two of the seats up on the left side balcony, and just like the previous night, it had been fucking incredible.

They weren't sure how it was possible but the crowd sounded a bit louder this night and it was blowing them away.

It was so crazy from the second the first guitar strum of 'Do I Wanna Know?' hit everyone's ears, Ella and Bre's hearts were racing at the feeling of the floor shaking beneath their feet—it felt like the mezzanine was going to collapse.

When Alex found her, just a song before 'Teddy Picker', he winked at her and her stomach flooded with butterflies that had her heart racing more than the adrenaline rushing throughout the crowd.

And Alex only managed to have Ella's heart rate stuttering even more when he pointed at her as he sang 'The horizon tries but it's just not as kind on the eye'.

She bit her tongue about it for the rest of the show, only letting the feeling take over her and releasing it when she and Bre hollered along with the crowd.

"I don't get how you do it." Ella said breathlessly in Alex's ear when she got back to the greenroom after the show had ended.

Alex clutched her tightly around the waist, taking a deep breath and relishing in her scent and the feeling of her skin on his fingertips, the way their bodies molded together and swelled his chest.

He hummed back at her in confusion and once he pulled back to look at her, he actually asked, "What?"

"Putting on such great shows days in a row." Ella exclaimed like it was obvious, she was in awe and it showed like a gleam through her eyes and her unwavering smile.

Alex shrugged and before he could properly think about it, the words let loose and slipped past his lips, "These shows are for you. I have to."

Ella just couldn't not react to his words, her cheeks lit up in flames that washed all over her and she let her face fall on its side on his chest so she could hide from him as she mumbled a whiney, "Alex." almost like she was scolding him for saying stuff like that.

"What?" His chest rumbled with a giggle beneath her cheek and his hand came to cradle the back of her head, fingers brushing through her hair as he silently instructed her to look at him.

She did, a bit apprehensive since she knew her blush was still noticeable on her face but he delighted on the view. A soft smile tugged at the corner of his lips, his hand coming to cup her jaw when he asked, "Are you staying for a little longer?"

Her answer was a soft "Yeah." which sounded almost like a little squeak, her voice getting stuck in her throat from the tenderness of his touch and the memory of those kisses they shared months before coming to the forefront of her mind.

It burned. The desperate need to close the distance and feel his lips on hers again, a need that shifted into more when she let her mind rush with all that she fantasized when it came to him.

But she had no clue if it was okay or if it would be cruel on herself to let her get another taste when it would just be snatched away from her just as fast.

She sighed in despair and only allowed her lips to pucker up and leave a chaste kiss on the palm of his hand to take a short step back and create a bit of distance between them. It would be too challenging to stay this close to him and not do a thing.

"Next time please don't do your shows on a weekday, sweets." She tried to chuckle, to make it a lighthearted joke but she actually was so sad over the fact that she just couldn't try to spend more time with them after or before the show.

If there was the possibility of leaving with them, even if just to take the show's after party to a bar, then she knew she would gain the courage to act up on everything she'd been thinking about since she left. But she had to get to work at eight in the morning the next day and it was only half an hour until the clock struck midnight and she'd have to leave by then if she wanted to be a proper human being at the office the next morning.

"I know." Alex winced, his heart going through a weird tumble of feelings from the kiss she pressed on his skin and the way she stepped away from him right after. "Sorry."

Instantly, she shook her head at his apology, "S'not your fault, silly." And then she took a moment to really look at him and there was a hint of sadness written on his face that crushed her and she just had to step back in his arms.

"I can't believe you're leaving me again tomorrow." Ella mumbled into his shoulder, her hair tickling Alex's neck and making goosebumps cover every inch of his skin.

His fingers dug a bit more into the clothed flesh of her waist where he held her tightly against him, "Don't mention it."

There was a slight strain to his voice that could be more attributed to him getting upset than having sang for an hour just a mere few minutes before, so she pulled back to see his face, "Are you gonna cry?"

"Maybe." He hid behind a joke, with a crooked smile that mirrored on her face.

A bubbly laugh came from her, the wrinkles on the corners of her eyes showing as she smiled brighter, "You're adorable."

Alex wanted so badly to let it all out, but they were in a corner of the greenroom and obnoxiously surrounded by their friends so he didn't really think it would be that much of a great idea to let his heart bleed out for her at that very moment.

So he settled for kissing her cheek and telling her, "Love you." and it worked to soothe that need to bare his soul to her even just a little bit.

"Love you too." Ella reciprocated with ease, a whirlwind of emotions rushing through her whenever she heard him say those words and whenever she could utter them to him. It felt so much better to hear it and say it in person than it did through text or a call.

The two went back into the center of the room, finally deciding to join their friends after Alex grabbed himself another beer bottle, Ella sticking to a can of Coke that would hopefully help her stay up a little longer.

She wanted to cry thinking about the almost hour-long drive back to her house.

Connor and Oscar were going on and on about the hotel and how heavenly the beds were, and how the views to the Hollywood hills were to die for, until they started arguing about how Oscar snored way too much that he kept him up most of the night so he had to go smoke out on the balcony and he fell asleep in one of the chairs there.

The bickering was hilarious and the story went from that to Pale Waves sharing the worst nights on tour they'd ever had.

Even Alex found himself laughing at some of the anecdotes, though it was mostly because he felt so relaxed and allowed himself to enjoy every bit of the moment with Ella playing with his fingers as she attentively listened and laughed.

Alice and Oscar were trying to remember one particular night in Japan, from the first time they'd played a gig there, and the room had fallen into a softer chatter so Alex leaned into Ella's shoulder to mumble into her ear, "You know... There's someone coming tomorrow."

The sudden tease made her curious self perk up and she turned around to solely focus on Alex to ask, "Who?"

But Alex was in the mood to taunt her, for he shrugged and replied nonchalantly with a frustrating, "Can't say, it's a surprise."

Her mouth fell agape slowly at the nerve he had to leave her intrigued like that so she hissed through her teeth, "Alex! No, you can't do that."

Her frustration only grew when he puffed his chest out and proudly quipped, "Well, I'm doing it."

She huffed and squirmed in her seat like a child about to throw a tantrum, "Do I know them?"

Feeling just a bit kind, Alex genuinely replied "Yes." to offer her a small hint.

"Who is it?!" She didn't have the mind to try and guess at the moment, the only answer coming straight to her mind was a certain scouser she hadn't seen in months. "Is it Miles?"

And yet again, Alex shrugged, "I dunno."

Her teeth caught the tip of her tongue to bite down on it so she wouldn't groan loudly, "Alexander David Turner." She recited easily in a scorn, one that he took so lightly he let out a chesty laugh that brought Bre's attention to them for a brief moment.

Ella narrowed her eyes on Alex and she pointed out, "It better not be Miles because if he's visiting and hasn't told me, I'm gonna be fuming."

Just as she had been texting the Monkeys whilst they were away, Ella found herself chatting with Miles as much as they could. He was touring the album he had put out in earlier June and it was always nice to catch up with him whenever there was a chance in between their responsibilities.

Aled raised his brows and feigned complete seriousness, "Right."

The sarcasm in the single word had Ella rolling her eyes, "If it is, I have warned you."

And Alex played along to egg her on a bit more, "Sure, I'll let him know."

"So it is Miles!" She gasped out loud, feeling betrayed that the scouser hadn't told her anything about being in LA when they had been on the phone to each other about a week before.

"Lips are sealed." Alex said with a gesture that he was zipping his mouth shut.

"I hate you." Ella replied with a huff, crossing her arms and straightening in her seat so she stared ahead at the wall of the room instead of her best friend.

That comment gave him the perfect opportunity to just keep pushing her buttons so he menacingly crowded her space to say, "You weren't saying that a minute ago." in a low tone that made Ella's stomach flip.

She puffed out a breath of annoyance, trying her best to conceal the fact that the words went straight down between her legs. And it worked because he laughed and hugged her, fully missing the flash of lust that shadowed the hazel green of her eyes for a few seconds. Lust that disappeared instantly when his fingers came to poke her on the ribs before he started tickling her.

She stood stiff for a fraction of a second before she screeched out and squirmed in his hold, trying to crawl away from him but he hooked an arm around her middle so she couldn't escape.

"No! Don't!" She squealed out, moving around like a damn worm and her arms pressing on his chest to try and create some distance between them, but he was stronger than her.

Alex gave her a chance, stopping his actions to challenge her, "What was it then? You hate me?"

She really didn't want to be tickled again but she wanted to mess with him some more so she meekly replied, "Yes." and it wasn't a surprise that he resumed his attack. "Love you, love you! Sorry!" She desperately replied with a cackle, and more giggles came from her for the few seconds it took him to stop, "Fucks sake!"

Ella was trying to act like that had annoyed her, a faux frown on her face made Alex laugh breathlessly and he dropped a sweet brief kiss on the skin of her neck, just below her jaw, before he proudly reciprocated the sentiment, "Love you too."

The laugh that came from her was involuntary but she couldn't help it when the warmth that filled her insides made her feel so good.

The look Jamie gave them when their attention turned back to the conversation the rest of the group was having, said a million things that Ella just wanted to ignore at the moment so she flipped him off with a loving smile. Jamie chuckled to himself and turned back around with a shake of his head—he wondered when it'd be that they would do something about whatever they had going on because he was about to place bets with Matt and Nick about it.

Zara was in the middle of a horror story about a night she'd almost gotten her gear stolen when she was loading up after a gig when Ella turned to Alex and whispered, "So you're playing 505 tomorrow then?"

Alex looked at her with a frown, completely taken aback by the sudden question. But she found herself thinking about who it could be and since they hadn't done 505 yet, she thought it made sense that Miles would be coming to play 505 with them the following night since it was their last LA show.

"Well Miles is coming in as a surprise, isn't it? So you're doing 505." She was almost entirely sure it would be happening so she was growing excited to hear the song with Miles on stage as well. It had been absolutely magical in Glastonbury.

It took Alex a second to realize that she was still thinking about who he'd been talking about, so he chuckled under his breath and continued playing into the mysteriousness of it all, "You're not getting anything out of me."

"Rude." Ella scoffed, rolling her eyes and shaking his head at him.

Alex laughed again, wrapping his arm around her waist to pull her closer to his side and agreed with her, "The worst."

The sarcasm in his tone had Ella giggling, but his thumb started rubbing soft circles on her stomach over the fabric of her shirt and she found herself melting into him—head resting on his shoulder, almost hidden away in the crook of his neck and he rested his head right over hers.

Once again, she waited until they were leaving too to make her way back to the car and go back home. It was a bit over midnight and she kept yawning so there were many double checks as she hugged everyone goodbye to see if she was sure she could drive back home without falling asleep behind the wheel.

She swore she was fine and Alex had made her promise to send a text when she got home, and she did just that as she crossed the threshold of her front door and, after locking up, she walked to her room with her eyes locke on the phone and typed her promised text with one hand, sending it just before she got ready for bed.

(01/10/2013 01:21) Made it safe and sound. Say hello to Miles for me if he's already gotten here, I'll see him tomorrow. Love you sweets! Goodnight x

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Ella was sure that the second she pushed the door open, Miles would be standing there with that smile of his and his arms open ready for Ella to crush him in a hug.

But when the door creaked and showed the inside of the greenroom, Josh Homme was standing by the drinks table chatting with Nick and Ella was entirely shocked.

"Oh my god." She squeaked out, turning around to scowl at the singer who was standing right behind her, "Alex!"

Alex cackled at her reaction and further taunted her by letting out a cheeky, "Surprise!"

The familiar sound of Alex's laughter was enough to have Josh turning around to greet the person Alex had excused himself to escort into the venue.

Josh had a great memory and, even though he hadn't seen her face since that day at Rancho de la Luna, her name came easily back to his mind, "Ella right?"

Ella matched the grin the legendary rockstar had on his face and a breathless "Yeah." was her answer.

"Sorry, I didn't know if I was remembering correctly." Josh joked sweetly, coming up to her to give her a brief hug.

"No, yeah. I'm Ella." She replied in his quick embrace, "Nice to see you again after so long Mr. Homme."

He pulled a funny face at Ella's choice of words and waved her off for the formalities, "Oh please Ella, I told you it's Josh. We're friends."

"Right. Of course." Ella nodded, still in disbelief he remembered her name and let alone considered her a friend.

Josh laughed a little at her dumbfounded expression and pointed out, "She's cute."

Ella blushed at the comment and slowly moved back beside Alex, the gears in her head moving quickly and coming to a conclusion, "Wait, does this mean you're doing Knee Socks with them tonight?"

Josh raised his brows and pointed at her, "Smart girl."

Alex proudly threw his arm around her and squeezed her shoulder softly as if in a silent way of saying 'good job', "We are, yes."

A massive grin broke on her face in anticipation to that, "Oh people are gonna go fucking insane." She could almost hear the crowd going wild the second they saw Josh walking on the stage.

She looked around the room and when she found Breana, she inquired about their plan for the night, "What are we doing today Bre? Floor again?"

Bre nodded, "Yes please, I thought the balcony was gonna collapse last night and with Josh here tonight, it might as well give out this time."

Ella couldn't wait, she was so excited for tonight but she also wanted it to last forever. She was dreading having to say goodbye once more. She didn't want to.

Suddenly, she noticed the absence of the Pale Waves group and her heart dropped, "Where's Alice and Zara and the lads?" Thinking about having missed their set again had her freezing in her spot.

Alex noticed her tense under his touch so he quickly let her know, "Getting ready in their greenroom. They're about to go on."

"Oh, thank god. Thought I had missed them again." Her shoulders sagged in relief, she would've felt so awful if she had missed her last chance to see them before they left.

Of course, Alex took the opportunity to take a dig at Alice, "You know that wouldn't be that bad."

"Alex!" She elbowed him lightly in response, calling him out by saying, "Don't be an ass."

Josh laughed at the way Alex folded slightly into her and groaned in fake pain, noticing the way Ella blushed when she heard the sound coming from Alex and the proximity her attack had caused. He smirked and made a mental note to ask Alex about it since he hadn't mentioned he was coming to get his girlfriend.

Instead of being nosy right then, Josh asked, "Is that the opener band you're talking about?"

Ella perked up and smiled, "Yes, Pale Waves! Wanna come with me and Bre to see their set?"

"Sure."

"Amazing, let's go!" She all but jumped out of Alex's hold and ran to Bre, intertwining her fingers so that it was easier to pull her along with her as she walked out of the greenroom.

When they left the room, they could see Alice and Oscar by the end of the hallway and almost getting to the door that led them to the stairs on the side of the stage. So Ella led the way, power walking down the concrete floors and rushing out to stand on the side of the stage just as Alice picked up her guitar and strummed it to start the first song.

It had been so much fun dancing and singing with Bre, Josh nodding his head along the bass and complimenting Zara's skilled drumming that certainly brought so much to the songs. Unfortunately their set wasn't as long as she would've liked but she'd enjoyed it so much, she almost jumped into Alice's arms when she walked out of the stage by the end of the set.

When they all went back to the Monkeys' greenroom, Pale Waves settled in two of the settees and Josh joined them as they talked about the album they were currently recording.

Time went by faster than ever and before they could notice, the Monkeys were being called up on stage. Bre and Ella walked beside them up until they went up the stairs, so the girls ran to the further left side of the crowd and stood at the very back with excitement making them jump up and down in their places.

Even though it was the third time Ella was watching this show, the feeling that drowned the room when the lights that formed 'AM' went on and the band walked on stage, was still the same as the very first time. 'Do I Wanna Know?' as the opener song to the show was brilliant, the bass reverberating on everyone's chests and the guitars' rumbles shaking the walls made for an incredible experience and the best introduction to what the show would be like.

When 'Snap Out of It' died down and Alex thanked the hollering crowd, Ella was ready to scream along every line of 'Evil Twin', her hand clutching Bre's so they could dance around together as they reminisced about the filming of that very music video being how they met, but instead of the b-side, the starting heavy bass notes to a song she loved very much from 'Suck It and See' managed to get a gasp out of her.

There was a desperate conviction behind every line Alex sang, accentuating every one of the words that composed 'Reckless Serenade' in perfection. Ella sang her heart out, and despite turning to Bre to scream the lyrics at each other, her gaze ended up stuck on Alex and how amazing he looked on stage.

He was wearing a sparkly blazer again, only this one was black and it went incredibly well with the rest of his black outfit. The golden big buckle of his belt and the thin golden chain around his neck were the things that stood out against the dark clothes. Ella felt a wild fluttering in her stomach every time she took a glance at him.

With it being the last show in LA, hearing Alex sing 'Arabella' had her head spinning and she almost wished she could be drinking so every one of her wild thoughts could be justified on the alcohol in her system.

By the time 'Fluorescent Adolescent' finished with a deafening cheer from the crowd, Bre and Ella held each other with big smiles on their faces, they knew 'Knee Socks' was next and their eyes fell on the people around and in front of them for their reactions when Alex announced the song.

The atmosphere lit up and blew into hysterical exhilaration the second Josh walked into the stage, with a microphone in hand. His voice added even more to the already beautiful vocals from the lads on stage and it was certainly an experience.

When the band walked out of the stage before the encore, the volume of the crowd got impossibly louder, everyone begging for another song and chanting their pleas for the band to come back on. Ella had been to football games before and it was crazy to think this was just as loud as the crowds in those events.

The encore was three songs long with 'R U Mine?' closing the gig for good, and once again, the girls relished in the rush of adrenaline that buzzed through them as they slowly walked out of the crowd and to the backstage area.

Bre ran into the arms of her boyfriend the second they got to the greenroom, and Ella had a loopy smile on her face as she took in every last second of the whole thing.

Josh walked up to her and asked her about his cameo during 'Knee Socks' and she gladly went on about how much she'd enjoyed it and how insane the crowd's reaction was. Pale Waves had been watching the whole show as well, but from the side of the stage so they piped into the description of the sea of people jumping throwing their hands up the second Josh walked onto the stage.

Since the guys had to be in San Diego the very next day, their crew amped up on their efforts to pack everything up and they'd ended up having to leave the venue a bit over eleven in the evening. It was far too soon, and Ella wanted to cry about it but the lads purposely had walked slower out to the back of the venue and when they got there, Jamie made sure to ask for ten more minutes.

Ten minutes that flew past their unaware heads, and only realized they had gone by when Steve sighed out a sorrowful, "We really need to go lads."

Steve knew why they were putting it off, the reason had a first and last name, and he couldn't blame them at all but they really needed to get to San Diego as soon as they could and time was running out.

Alex didn't miss the sad sigh Ella let out and how her shoulders fell as well as the corners of her lips. She pouted as she took it upon herself to make the tough decision of saying goodbye, walking up to Jamie first to envelope him in a sweet hug.

She slowly made her way around the group and just as she was letting go of Matt, she asked nobody in particular "You're back in December right?" since Arctic Monkeys and Pale Waves would remain touring together until their holiday break.

When her arms wrapped tightly over Alex's shoulder, the drummer replied, "Yeah, we finish the tour on the west coast mid December."

A hum of bliss came from her right before she pulled away from her best friend's embrace and she assured, looking straight into Alex's eyes, "Okay. I'll see you in a few months then."

Behind her, Bre reminded her, "I'm coming back next month."

To which Ella turned around with a challenging point of her finger at the model, "Yeah, you better because then you're leaving me for the holidays too."

Bre pouted as if to apologize without words. She felt bad she was leaving Ella alone this year since she wasn't going to Tennessee for the holidays that year, work too close to the important dates to even manage a week in her hometown and she knew she'd get homesick if she rushed her visit. But the model was going to spend the festive season with Matt and his family and she just couldn't not go.

"Sorry babe." Bre apologized just half heartedly, and Ella assured her she was half joking with a blown kiss.

"Alright everyone, this is it. I'll be looking forward to seeing you soon." Ella said before she could properly leave, a weight falling on her shoulders that almost made breathing a little harder, like it was pressing right over her ribs and lungs.

But before she could turn around and walk away, Alex offered, "Do you want me to walk you over to your car?"

Ella froze in her place. She had not wanted anything more than to have some time alone with Alex but it being just when they were about to be snatched apart felt so cruel, she quickly pointed out, "It's across the street in that parking lot building. You sure it won't be an issue? Steve is calling you."

Something deep inside her filled with a flash of happiness when he shrugged and took a step closer to her, "He will live."

"Okay." It was merely a mumble, a heat creeping up her chest and her neck and threatening to dust her cheeks with pink blush, one that she hoped wasn't visible when she turned to her side to wave everyone one final goodbye and then start leading the way with Alex in tow.

They silently walked next to each other, a comfortable silence they both had missed so much and that they found themselves already longing for. He had slipped his hand into hers and intertwined their fingers together the second their skin brushed. He wasn't going to miss the opportunity of having something he knew he found himself wanting on the daily and not take the chance to feel it.

The walk to the side exit wasn't long so Ella was the one to slow down her steps to make sure the moment lasted even a few more seconds longer, and she smiled when he caught exactly what she was doing and went along with her slow pace.

What they weren't expecting though, was the long queue of fans waiting behind the fence that lined the venue. Fans who screeched loudly into the air at the sudden sight of Alex.

"Oh shit." Ella cursed loudly, completely startled, clutching onto Alex's hand the tiniest bit tighter from the fright.

Alex was dumbfounded by the amount of people standing there with posters and CDs in hand, sharpies ready for him to go up and snatch away to sign all the memorabilia the people wanted, "They're still here?"

There was a slight hint of annoyance in his voice that she found amusing so she quipped, "They're dedicated." as if to make him giggle a little at the situation and lighten his mood up.

He frowned and turned to her, huffing like a little kid, "They are but this isn't ideal."

Ella knew exactly what he meant and she knew just as much that he was trying to figure out a way to make it work so she tried stopping his train of thought, logically pointing out the facts, "You can't go with me, they're gonna follow you and then coming back in here to leave will be horrendous."

"I can get one of the security guards–" Alex tried fighting her logic but she interrupted him.

"No, sweetness, it's alright. I don't wanna be a burden."

Alex scoffed, it was lighthearted, more like calling herself a burden hurt him. He shook his head and assured her, "You're not."

But Ella wasn't having his obstinacy at the moment, not when it would involve putting his team through something unnecessary and wasting time that could end up being precious for the crew to set up in the next city, "Steve has been waiting for over ten minutes now. Calling your security to avoid you getting mobbed is gonna be an unnecessary burden on y'all."

"But–" Alex tried fighting again but she shook her head, a frown on her face and her lips pressed together as if she was fighting herself as well.

"It's okay." Ella promised with sweetness seeping through her voice. Taking a step forward, she pressed closer against his chest and took her hands up to brush his hair back, the rich brown strands damp and soft through her fingers. Slowly she let her hands softly fall down the sides of his face so she could cup his jaw, all she wanted to do was press their lips together.

Their breaths grew heavy as their gazes went over each other's faces but at the sight of such a tender scene, the people broke out in a new wave of screams that ended up making her flinch and the bubble burst. Their lips didn't meet, instead she settled for throwing herself into her arms, her hand cradling the back of his head as she whispered, "Love you, Al."

Sentiment that he had no trouble reciprocating, only he wished he could've been able to show it in more ways than just "Love you too, Ellie."

He wondered if it would be a good moment to just let everything out, have her turn around and take back those few steps she'd already taken away from him to crash their lips together at the prospect of hearing him scream out loud how much he wanted her to be much more than just this.

But he couldn't. Not in front of all those people, not when they'd still have to leave. The thought of telling her everything and then leaving for two whole months was cruel enough on his stupid heart, he wouldn't want to imagine if she reciprocated, how badly he could hurt her just up and leaving like that.

And he most definitely didn't want to think about the very plausible chance that she didn't feel the same way. Not waking up to a single text from her, no silly pictures at work or movie reviews she'd seen in Los Feliz. It was hell just to think about, and he didn't want to ruin things by rushing to say the things he could never take back, not even if they were at a wrong time.

So Alex stayed there watching her leave, the venue's security had to walk with her a few meters down the sidewalk to avoid her getting trampled. People got louder when they turned their attention back to him, he forced a smile and waved at them just to kindly acknowledge them. As if he didn't want to curse them all out for ruining the chance of finally having a moment alone with her like he'd been begging for since she left on a plane that August morning.

His eyes moved back to Ella, who had already crossed the road, and he managed to catch her gaze on him right before she walked into the building. He blew her a kiss, one that she mimicked to catch with a smile, pocketing it before she finally turned into the building.

A horrendous wave of regret, anger and disappointment enveloped him, leaving his skin uncomfortable and sticky like the humidity that comes after a summer thunderstorm.

If he closed his eyes he could picture himself walking beside her, getting to her car and catching a glimpse of the mirrorball hanging from her rearview mirror. The lights of the building hitting every fragment of it and cascading in rays inside her car, almost as bright as her smile—a smile that he knows she would've flashed him after he trapped her lips with his in a kiss he had been dreaming of giving her for months.

His heart was heavy as he walked back to the tour bus, where Steve was sighing in exhaustion and asking him where he had been. A question that got no answer because Alex was in complete silence, wallowing in self pity and all the promises of what could've been.

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Las Vegas was always a silent promise of something unexpected happening. Alex knew that quite well. He'd been to the bustling decadent city enough times to gather that, his memory too fuzzy when it came to some of the nights he'd spent there over the years to recall some events.

But this time it was somehow worse.

Worse because he had not only alcohol and wild parties to blame, but Alice.

And himself.

It would be unfair to not blame himself. And his lack of self-control. And the inability to live with his own frustration. And the cruelty of his own mind to remind him how badly he wanted someone who was miles away and unattainable until he was truly willing to risk it all.

The show in Vegas came after two consecutive nights in San Diego, so it had been three unbearably long days since they'd parted ways with Ella and Alex had let himself wallow in self pity the more he counted the time it took them to text each other back. It was like the second he had to put his phone down for a while, Ella replied to his messages but not when he was with his eyes stuck on the device counting each second in desperate hope of one of her messages coming through.

That particular show had been incredible, it seemed like the crowd put in extra effort to make their last gig in the States the very best for they were as loud as ever and Alex coil feel their voices still ringing in his ears.

They would be going back to the UK to continue with another round of tour in the home country and then move along to Europe, so they took the chance of their last night in America to properly celebrate.

Alex hadn't even known the type of club they were visiting, entirely unaware of the stupid little blindfold charade Matt had signed him up for until it was too late.

He'd been guided into a room where he was meant to kiss someone and guess whoever it could be from the group that had come along to the club. The struggle here was that he wasn't sure who had signed up and he was silently praying that it was Zara who had grabbed him by his neck and kissed him passionately until they slowly lost control and they were pressed against each other. He felt the way her legs clenched around his thigh, which was placed between the girl's legs, but when he heard that moan, he knew that it was no one else than the walking nightmare he'd had to put up with for months up until then.

Alice.

They weren't meant to take the blindfold off but he pushed her away the second he recognized the high pitch of her cry of pleasure, after having unfortunately had to hear it through the walls of his flat time and time again, and they both snatched the piece of fabric off their eyes and scowled in horror.

Before any of them could utter a word, the girl in charge of the game, and who had walked Alex into the room, scolded them for breaking the rules of the game and telling them their time was up.

None of them spoke, both putting walls up and pretending that hadn't happened and guessing poorly whoever their kiss had been despite knowing exactly who it was.

After that had happened, it was like they were competing on who could take the most alcohol and they'd end up stumbling their way out of the club with the rest of the group.

Oscar was almost blacked out and having to be almost carried by Nick and Connor, Jamie was the one who was the most sober of all of them but still wasn't in great shape. Matt and Breana were being disgustingly adorable in their drunken haze, holding each other as they walked outside to get a taxi back to their hotel. Alice and Zara clutched each other tightly, giggling about everything and anything, erupting in loud cackles whenever one of them tripped on the sidewalk. Alex was putting his mind to focus on every step he took, but his mind was swarmed with a mess of thoughts that made him silently wince. He could feel the headache brewing already and he hated it.

Two taxis had to be taken for the whole group to comfortably make it back. The first one had been taken by Nick, Connor, Oscar, Alice and Zara; and the second had been occupied by Matt, Bre, Jamie and Alex.

All Alex wanted to do was go back to the hotel and get in bed, exhaustion was finally catching up to him since the energy from the show was dwindling down thanks to the many margaritas he'd had.

But it seemed like his luck had run out completely because the second he'd finally gotten to his room and shed the coat he had on, his very much inconsiderate neighbor was blasting loud music that he could hear booming through the walls.

He sighed in exasperation but closed his eyes and dropped himself face down on the bed, thinking about just giving it a few minutes for Alice to turn off the music and go to sleep.

But five minutes went by and she didn't and Alex only had the patience to grace her five more, and when those went by and she was still playing music as loud as she could, Alex slammed his fist on the mattress and jumped up from the bed.

He stormed out of his room, snatching his keycard and pocketing it to walk to the room to his left, the last room of the hallway.

His fist pounded incessantly against the wooden door and a whole minute went by without her answering. She started singing louder then, and it angered Alex so fucking much that she was blatantly ignoring the clear knocks on her door.

So he hit the door harsher, and if it wasn't for her opening the door after another minute, Alex would've taken it down.

There was no kindness to be grasped when he opened his mouth the second that Alice opened the door, "Can you shut the fuck up? People are trying to sleep." His words came out slow though, and it was all because seeing her in just her cropped white vest top, which showed very clearly her nipple piercings, and the flimsy black fabric of her underwear made his brain haywire.

And in full honesty, Alice couldn't give less of a fuck, so she rolled her eyes as she took a gulp of the mini vodka bottle in her hand that she'd gotten from the mini bar and scoffed, "You're so fucking boring. It's barely two in the morning Alex, fuck off."

Alex couldn't believe her nerve, harshly running his fingers through his hair and spitting out his words with venom, "You're the most fucking inconsiderate person to exist."

"Blah, blah, blah. I don't care. Bye." Alice was done with the pointless argument, she was sure he was exaggerating about the volume and he could definitely find a way to fall asleep even if he faintly heard her music through the walls, so she pushed the door to slam it close but Alex put his foot forward to impede it closing.

She was so over it, she just turned around back to the middle of her room and started singing along to the All Time Low song that was blasting off the speakers.

"Turn your fucking music off. Now." Alex sternly said as he walked into the room, the door closing behind him with a loud thud from how hard he'd slammed it.

Alice watched as he looked around the room for her phone, knowing she'd connected it to the speakers in the room but she smirked in defiance and yelled, "No!"

He groaned loudly, making Alice spin around to watch him. He was red with anger and she foudnit the slightest bit amusing, especially when he clenched his jaw and hissed through his teeth, "Shut the fuck up Alice, I want to fucking sleep."

It was so entertaining for her to get under his skin so she easily found the words to pick at him, "Yeah you're the only one trying to because where in fucking Vegas, everyone else in this damn building is getting it on. Live a fucking little Turner."

His fists clenched in fury, "I swear to god Alice–"

She didn't even give him the opportunity to try and finish another one of his ultimatums, because she knew he was all talk, "What?! What will you do? You're fucking exhausting, all bark no bite." Walking up to him, downing the rest of the vodka and tossing the little bottle behind her, she lifted her chin up and stopped when she was pressed against his chest, "Tell me to shut up once more and you'll see what happens."

There really wasn't an explanation behind his actions, no way for Alex to find the logic behind why he'd wrapped his fingers around her neck and pulled her in to finally shut her up with a messy kiss.

He got a flash of the memory of a chat he'd had with Flo where she called him out for fancying Alice, for clearly having a certain desire towards her that he'd always denied. And this being the first time he acted up about it felt odd.

But the unfamiliar feeling was completely overpowered by the sudden eagerness and hunger that filled them up and made the kiss desperate. Alex growled into Alice's mouth when her tongue came to press against his lips, and when they finally tasted each other, something snapped.

Still, even in this situation, it felt like they were trying to make it a competition, see who was the one to pull away for air first, to smirk down at them for being weak. Alice was the one to pull away with a loud smack of their lips, but before he could come at her, she put on an unimpressed face and challenged him, "Really? This is how you choose to shut me up?"

Alex didn't say a word. In his mind, he thought if she was talking this way it meant that she wanted more and if it was like that, then he'd give her something to talk about. So he brought up his right hand, his index and middle fingers coming to press against her lips and when she parted them, he pushed them into her mouth.

Alice's cheeks hollowed as she sucked his fingers but he didn't stop there, he kept pushing them further until she rolled her eyes and gagged around them when he hit the back of her throat. She tried her hardest not to moan, she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of know she was enjoying this, despite feeling the pooling wetness in between her legs.

When Alex dragged his fingers out of her mouth, Alice released them with a pop before raising a brow and spouting more faux unimpressed words, "At least make me enjoy gagging around something, Turner."

He let out a snort of laughter, one that was purely mocking, "Is that it then? You want your mouth stuffed to finally shut the fuck up?" He didn't know what had come over him, but he couldn't hold himself back and his fingers came down to quickly undo his belt.

The smirk that appeared on her face seemed sarcastic, but she wasn't doing anything to impede him continuing, instead she mused, "Is this you trying your chances to prove you can make a woman cum?"

Without missing a beat, Alex replied, "This is me giving that mouth something useful to do."

Alice hummed as if she was taking it into consideration, a funny question coming to her mind, "And what makes you think I wanna bruise my knees for you, Red?"

He rolled his eyes at the nickname, but chatted back with clear evidence that Alice just couldn't deny, "I dunno Loveless, do you not want to? Because I can still hear you moaning against my mouth when we kissed at the club, clenching those thighs around my leg."

"You're obsessed." Was the only thing Alice could come back with, and it made him chuckle.

"Sure. Just as much as you are." Sarcasm was thickly wrapped around every one of his words.

Alice rolled her eyes, looking down at the way he was slowly bringing the zip down of his black jeans, so she sank to her knees and roughly snatched the fabric down, "You're so fucking slow, fucks sake."

It had taken those few kisses to have him hardening in his pants, but it wasn't enough so Alice licked the palm of her hand and started stroking him up and down. It was a relentless pace that she built, looking up through her lashes and smirking at how easy it was to have him throwing his head back and cursing under his breath.

That gave her the impulse she needed to wrap her lips around him and take him all the way until he hit the back of her throat, gagging and swallowing around him when he instinctively bucked his hips forward with a high pitched moan.

"Pathetic." She muttered when she pulled back off him, her hand continuing to stroke him while she got her breath back and then went back in to take him in her mouth.

She kept doing that over and over, pulling back to insult him or throw comments that came for him and his ego, but he retaliated the best he could in between the cloud of pleasure that she was bringing him.

Up until the point where he felt he was about to burst inside her mouth, so he fisted her hair and pulled her off him, roughly pulling her back up to her feet so that he could throw her on the bed.

Another challenging raise of her eyebrow accompanied by a mocking, "Oh, now you're gonna prove it?" irked Alex further.

"Shush." He harshly called out as he kneeled in between her legs on the bed, spreading them apart to expose the wet patch that was ruining her underwear.

She scoffed, totally hiding the tingles that run up her spine at the feel of his fingers digging into the flesh of her inner thighs, "No manners. Typical."

Alex wasted no time to grab at the sides of her underwear and peel it off her, throwing it behind him as his eyes were stuck watching her glistening cunt with a growing hunger that had him getting impossibly harder. He sucked his fingers and brought them to her cunt, one glide up and down to gather her wetness and then brought it up to his mouth. He hummed at her taste, which was sure to drive him a bit crazier but he wouldn't admit that out loud.

Alice was just glaring at him, trying to act stoic as if his fingers coming back down to tease her entrance and then go up to rub on her clit wasn't making her grip the sheets tightly. He was watching every twitch of her mouth and brows as he went, wanting to get a reaction out of her just like she'd gotten from him. But she wasn't letting up and he was growing impatient so she just filled her up with two fingers and curled them perfectly to shatter her facade.

Her brows furrowing and her teeth biting on her bottom lip was all he got as she swallowed her moans, so Alex had to coax it out of her with more. "C'mon now, Loveless. That's a bit unfair, isn't it?" He leaned down, breath hitting her still covered chest and bit one of her nipples through the fabric of her shirt, eliciting a sweet whine from her that he wanted to increase in volume by curling his fingers once again, "Don't fight it."

"Fuck..." Alice finally moaned loudly when he flicked his tongue over her nipple at the same time as he curled his fingers and from then on she couldn't keep up with her act.

He continued his actions, deliberately and with an increasing rhythm that was driving her mad, until a new song came on and his own voice drowned the room entirely. It was such poor timing for 'Dangerous Animals' to come on and she cackled loudly in between moans.

"Sure you don't want me to turn the music off now?" There was a slur to her words, she was so close to edge and he could feel it from how hard she was clenching around him.

"No." He didn't relent despite how pathetic the scene was now, covering up the feeling with another venomous comment at Alice's expense, "I don't want people to hear and you're obnoxiously loud."

But that comment gave her the perfect setup to come at him and hit a sore spot she knew would have him even more angry, "Just as loud as your pretty little Ella." She panted out a scoff when his fingers stilled inside her but she still didn't stop her mocking, "Bet you loved hearing us through the walls, didn't you?"

He was fuming by then, so he pulled his fingers out of her and frowned even more when she dared to call him a, "Twat." at him stopping his actions.

"Turn around." He instructed, his slick covered hand coming to wrap around his cock and swallowing a groan at the soft wave of relief.

Confused, Alice asked an exasperated, "What?" If he was messing with her then she'd kick him out and make herself cum.

Alex repeated himself with a huff, like he was annoyed he had to say the instruction again, "Turn around."

She scoffed but did as he said, and it bothered her how the need for release was clouding every bit of decency left in her. She wished she could just kick him out of the room, but the ache between her legs was so strong she was willing to shove aside the hate she had for Alex and indulge in the pleasure he was bringing her now.

He quickly took his pants fully off and crouched down to grab a condom from his pocket, something Alice noticed and called out immediately over her shoulder, "Came prepared? Were you that desperate?"

"I always have one on me." Alex explained easily, as if that made it less pathetic.

And Alice chuckled, "Right. Whore." She didn't expect the comment to have him strike a hit on her ass, but he did and she yelped out in surprise.

"Shut up before I stuff that mouth with my cock again." He threatened as he rolled the latex down his length, "It'd be a fucking pity leaving you clenching around nothing, wouldn't it?"

"Just–" Alice couldn't take the anticipation anymore and his words were going straight down to her core so she wiggled her ass on the bed and lifted it the slightes bit upwards to show her glistening cunt at him as she told him, "Fuck me Alex."

He groaned with his fingers wrapped around his cock, pumping himself at the sight of her dripping hole, "Since you asked so nicely."

She was so wet she welcomed his cock easily inside her, and he drove himself inside her until his hips pressed flush against her ass. The both of them threw their heads back at the pleasure, Alex groaning loudly when she clenched around him. He fucked relentlessly into her, purely needing to cum and she met him in the middle, pushing her hips backwards so he hit that spot over and over again.

Nothing else was really said, only curses and moans heard inside the room as they go, the slapping of their skin and bed creaking beneath them. It was just the same when they came. No call of each other's name, no sweet pet names accidentally slipping out in the heat of the moment. Just lewd noises and curses as they fell over the edge.

When they got their wits together and it dawned on them just what had happened, Alex stood up silently to shed the condom off himself and walked to the bathroom to dispose of it. And he was glad to see that when he walked back out into the room and grabbed his discarded pants and boxers, Alice had turned the music off completely and was getting some clothes on herself.

She yawned softly, like what had just happened hadn't been anything spectacular and once he finally buckled his belt in place, she shooed him off the room with a wave of her hand, "Right, off you go."

Alex scoffed, incredibly irritated still by her stupid attitude. He shook his head and pointed out, "That can't happen again."

To which Alice nodded, "Agreed."

With a stern "Good." Alex turned around and left the room, slamming the door because he still fucking hated her. Nothing could ever change that.

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(24/10/2013 13:06) Still confused about the tractor and Aaron's vision but Cookie looks incredible in this music video. As do the rest of you I guess... I'm joking! Y'all looked so handsome, I miss your pretty faces :( I also miss London, that's where you're today right? Love you lots!!! xx

Alex had smiled when he walked back into the greenroom after the show to Ella's text, going up to the lads to show the message and taking a quick funny selfie to send back to her.

The second she got it, she smiled knowing her lunch break was coming up soon and she could sneak out for a smoke and facetime them at least for a little bit.

It was like the more days went by apart and in different timezones, the more they got used to it and started to get the gist of it. Messages sent that would be seen after a gig or the morning after and replies that she would get by the end of her work day that she answered when she got home.

Nothing was better than finally relaxing on her settee, with some takeout and Mexican coke, texting Alex as she mindlessly watched a movie or a show. Now that they were in the UK, the time difference was a little easier to allow them to facetime her in their greenroom so she had a fun end to her nights seeing them enjoy the post-show energy.

On the days in between shows, there would be interviews or radio shows that would have either Alex and Matt or just Alex as guests—he had always hated that bit of being the frontman—so Ella wouldn't have much luck getting Alex to herself on the day's off the band had on tour.

Sometimes the rest of lads would text her on those to catch up with her, despite knowing things through Alex, and Ella's heart warmed up every time one of them would facetime her, even if briefly, on those days. She still couldn't believe how close they'd all gotten to her. It made her a bit emotional knowing how much she loved them all and it hit harder every time how much he missed them all.

It made her even more emotional whenever she allowed herself to indulge in every feeling Alex brought to her, and most of the time she truly had to force herself to stop because the squeeze of her heart inside her chest hurt too much.

But every day that went by meant a day closer to having him close again. She pushed aside the fact that it would only be one day that they would spend in Los Angeles before they had to leave, she wanted to see just the positive side of it all.

Soon enough Halloween day rolled around and the end of the month brought Ella more excitement than the actual holiday—which actually was her absolute favorite.

Since Breana wasn't due back in Los Angeles until the tenth of November, then Ella was stuck just enjoying the Halloween party Ben was throwing at his house. It would be mostly people from work and a few of Ben's friends, so Ella didn't really find the need to look for a proper costume.

She'd put on a pair of blue jeans, her favorite brown cowboy boots along with a brown cowboy hat and a funny shirt that Bre had gotten her for her birthday that she had yet to wear which read 'cowboy pillows' right over her tits. She finished it off by tying a red bandana around her neck, to emphasize the fact that she was going as a cowgirl and it wasn't just a regular fit she would wear.

Either way, when she arrived at Ben's everyone told her she'd cheated because it really didn't look like a costume considering she usually wore similar looking outfits.

It had been even funnier when she posted a picture of herself to her instagram that night and she'd woken up to a text from Alex that called her out for her costume not really being one.

He'd cursed under his breath when he opened the app mindlessly in the lounge of the tour bus and saw her looking as gorgeous as ever, and especially with that damn shirt that sent his mind reeling.

There hadn't been a moment to act on the sudden rush of need though, because everyone at the office had agreed on taking the following day off, which meant that Ella was home and had woken up way earlier than necessary and had all the time in the world to be on the phone to him so she facetimed him.

Thankfully, the signal wasn't that bad as the band went from one city in Germany to another so the video call went on smoothly, and Ella and Alex had probably been on the phone for most of the day. With interruptions from everyone else here and there but the smiles on their faces showed just how much they appreciated the chance to just somehow be in each other's presence for longer than a thirty minute call or a string of texts and selfies.

And they cherished the long weekend Ella had and the chance she got to check on her phone more often for they spoke loads those three days, and when they had to focus back on their work at the start of the following week, the memory of the great amount of time they'd managed to chat and spend hearing each other and seeing each other through the screen helped endure the days they had to wait until their reunion.

When Breana went back to Los Angeles, Ella felt like a bit of home had been brought to her and the wave of relief that flooded her had been enough to have her cry in her best friend's arms when Ella had brought her over to her house after picking her up from the airport and they finally shared a bottle of wine like they always used to.

Upon properly catching up, Bre found Ella had been diving straight into work to keep herself busy and really not giving herself enough time to have fun and go out. There still were her Los Feliz escapades on the weekends but they were all by herself and it was only from time to time that she met up with her work friends to have brunch or drink at one of their houses.

But there certainly wasn't much for her to tell when it came to dates or potential romantic interests. Ella had completely been avoiding dating, turning down a few people who had gone up to her asking for her number when she'd been out—always saying she'd a partner and that she appreciated them asking, a little white lie that really had no actual reasoning behind, though if she really listened to her subconscious then she'd find that there was a little hush voice wishing the partner she was mentioning was Alex.

She always shooed away the thought. Ridiculous, you're ridiculous, she told herself when the hope lit up with a spark like the ones that came from two stones being struck together.

It was pointless to indulge in the thought any further when she really couldn't do much about it. What good could it make to say something that could shift things in an exponential way when he was so far away to try and fix it.

She'd rather die.

Still, though, the sparks of hope flashed inside her chest and threatened to cause a fire whenever he signed off his texts with a 'Love you' or he took pictures of things she'd enjoy and send them to her, or when he recorded videos of the views he had even if it was just the venue and she could hear him whispering behind the camera "Isn't it so pretty, darling?"

November went by in a flash of loads of work and cute texts from Alex, and Bre getting her to leave her house, accompanied with a side of visits to Los Feliz theater and a lovely escapade to Manchester to spend Thanksgiving with her family.

That year Ella would unfortunately not be able to spend the holidays back home, because of already booked work around the dates that wouldn't allow her to spend proper time with her family and hometown friends, so she booked a week-long holiday off to Tennessee for Thanksgiving and it was such a breath of fresh air to fall back into the familiarity of the big barn house that she'd grown up in and her parents and sister—and Jayne, who had managed to get a lucky two days off from work.

Surreal would be the word Ella would describe how it felt to go back to Los Angeles and realize it would only be six more days until the lads were back in town. It was more like five days since they'd be arriving very late at night on the sixth, but she'd be spending the whole day with them on the seventh and Ella just couldn't wait.

Especially not when she and Alex had agreed that since it would be the only time they'd see each other right before the holidays, they wanted to give each other for Christmas and that they'd be allowed to open it on that very day just to allow them to feel like it was actually Christmas for just the two of them.

That was why Ella had gone all out and got them ugly sweaters to wear to the cinema, where she'd made sure they would watch 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas'. Bre had cackled when she jumped into Ella's car that Saturday morning and caught a glimpse of the obnoxious sweaters in the backseat of her car.

"You're cute." Bre said in between giggles, "I need to get a picture of you two in them."

And that she did.

When Ella pulled into the hotel they'd stayed at overnight, which was a five-star hotel in Downtown LA, and they walked inside the building to find Alex and Matt waiting for them in a lounge area by the lobby, Bre had them put the sweaters on first thing after they'd hugged hello. Alex hadn't even gotten a proper chance to look at what he had been given to wear and it had Ella creasing when he looked down his torso to find a horrendous bright green tree made out of actual green tinsel garland on a bright red knitted sweater—it had red and gold pom poms as ornaments and a golden bow on the very top of the tree.

His jaw dropped in horror when he looked down at Ella's which was a big wreath made out of the same green tinsel garland and had a big red bow on it along with two little elf legs sticking out from the middle of it.

Alex's face was actually priceless and Ella actually changed Alex's contact picture to the one Bre had snapped of the two of them.

"We don't have to wear them," Ella promised, still trying her best not to laugh at the way Alex's face contorted in absolute disbelief when he looked down to see the sweater, "It's really sunny outside either way, so we're gonna want to take them off."

"It's horrific." Alex stated, looking up at her but with a smile so big that contradicted his words, "But thank you darling, I love it." He wrapped his arms around her waist, leaving Ella to throw her arms over his shoulders and she hummed in bliss at the feeling.

"No you don't." Ella corrected him with a goofy smile that Bre could see over Alex's shoulder, so she took another picture of them like that before they could notice when they pulled back.

Matt snorted in laughter and shook his head, "God, that's an ugly fucking sweater if I've ever seen one."

"I know." Ella proudly admired her obnoxious work, "I did so well."

It was such an American tradition and really, mostly a silly thing her parents had started when she and her sister had been little but had continued well up until they moved out, but she loved it so much. Her mom and dad had loved the sweaters when Ella sent them a picture of them and that was all the reassurance she needed.

"Alright." Ella muttered as she started shedding the sweater off herself, giving Alex the greenlight to do so too. "Shall we go?"

Alex nodded as she folded the sweater and shoved it into a little gift bag that Ella knew was the gift he'd told her he'd get her. She smirked looking at it and wished she could see through things because she had been so intrigued about it for weeks.

Matt and Bre went their own way, to a park so they could have a lovely picnic Bre had prepared for them, so Ella and Alex walked back to Ella's car and they quickly got out into the road to drive to Los Feliz.

They'd sat directly next to each other instead of across from each other when they got to a cafe a couple blocks away from the theater and they'd been giggling and whispering like teenagers poorly keeping a secret.

Without them realizing, they'd spent almost a whole hour at the coffee shop and they were cutting it close to the time the film was supposed to start so they sped walk down to the cinema. Ella got their tickets after pleading with him to let her get them if he had already paid for their breakfast. He reluctantly nodded and she had the biggest smile on her face when she got handed the tickets and they walked down to the auditorium they had to go to.

Seeing Jim Carrey's genius on the big screen never got old and the joy that radiated from Ella at the moment was almost palpable. It exuded off her in warm heat and a glint in her eye, her face glowed under the flash of lights coming from the screen which were just as bright as her smile. She quoted lines from the movie in a whisper and it had Alex smiling like an absolute idiot. Their cheeks hurt immensely by the time the movie finished and they walked out of the theater, both with hearts full from having finally revived a tradition they'd missed sharing for so long.

Alex knew he had up until two in the afternoon to show up for soundcheck, but even though they were cutting it quite close, he still dragged the both of them out for a quick lunch before they had to go to the venue.

It was just a little sandwich and a couple of Mexican cokes that they ordered to go and they agreed to have in Ella's car. They'd also agreed that it would be best if they opened their gifts there instead of the venue and the anticipation was hanging over them with every step they took over to the parking lot where they'd left Ella's car at.

The second they got inside and Ella turned on the car so the AC would help them cool off a little—the sun had been burning their skin despite for the chilly winds of December—and she put down the food instantly, not being able to wait any longer to give Alex the present she'd taken a while to perfect.

"I want you to open your present first." She struggled against her smile to say it properly, sitting sideways so that she could stare directly at Alex.

Alex found her so fucking adorable, turning on the seat to look straight at her too, his head cocked to the side as his brows furrowed slightly with pure adoration coating his features.

"You sure?" He asked softly as if his heart wasn't hammering against his chest when he tried to imagine what her reaction to her gift would be.

Ella nodded and hummed, "Please? I really cannot wait any longer to see your reaction."

She really didn't need to plead, he was already nodding at her request, setting own food down at the foot of his seat to reach back for the gift bag that had her present.

He took out the ugly sweater she'd given him and with an amused smile set it over his lap just as he agreed, "Sure darling. But I also cannot wait to see your reaction so do you wanna open them at the same time?"

She doubted for a bit only because she really wanted to take in his reaction completely but inevitably, she nodded, "Yeah, okay. Sounds great." Reaching behind her, she got the bag that contained his gift and softly placed it over her thighs.

They slowly exchanged bags, a wary and curious look in both their faces before their fingers grasped the bags and Ella's eyes went instantly wide at the weight of hers.

"What is this?" She asked instantly, breathily like she already couldn't believe what he'd gotten her.

He raised a brow teasingly, "Well why don't you open it and see?"

Alex was afraid he was gonna get a 'you first' that he'd have to chat back to but the curiosity got to her and completely made her forget about her own request to have him open his present first.

The anticipation bubbled and extended to every nerve ending of his body like a fuzzy tingling as she dove for the contents of the bag and she got the small items first.

Her fingers were quick to rip the wrapping paper and when the words 'Portra 400 120' came into view, Ella looked up slowly at Alex with her mouth agape, "Stop."

Alex snickered and she finished unwrapping the multiple film boxes, each time with a louder gasp, until she finally dove for the bigger item.

The second her fingers touched the leather and felt the shape of the item, a small sob came from her chest and her eyes started welling up.

"Alex, stop..." She begged for no reason, a pout coming to her face when she fully pulled out the object from the bag and a little cry escaped her when she actually saw the gorgeous camera she was now holding in her hands.

A tear ran down her cheek and Alex let his hand come over her thigh to squeeze lightly in reassurance, "Don't cry, darling."

"I can't–," She managed out with a strangled voice, she couldn't finish saying that she just couldn't accept the gift. But her fingers worked against her thoughts and carefully shed the camera from the brown leather case and when the stunning Rolleiflex came into her blurry view, she choked on another sob, "Can't accept this, Alex."

There was no way in hell she would accept this present. Not when she knew the price of it, which had been exactly why she'd yet to get one for herself. It was so hard to find those cameras and if it looked as good as the one she was holding right then, then she was sure it would have to be way over the thousand dollar mark. Adding to that, the leather case and the multiple packs of film he had gotten her, it was just way too much to accept.

Especially with how simple her gift now looked like in comparison.

"You are." Alex stated firmly, his voice still sweet and soothing in her ears though.

"I can't!" She hiccuped, struggling to peel her eyes from the camera to look at him, "D'you know how expensive these are? I can't possibly–"

Alex interrupted her, "You are accepting it darling. Because I'm certainly not returning it and yes, I'm well aware of the price and I couldn't care less about it. Not when I know it'll make you the happiest."

Her bottom lip wobbled at the tenderness of his words and her chest hurt from how much she was feeling at the very moment. She exhaled heavily and shakily, thinking about it for a second and her worries came back up so she tried to argue again with a, "But–" that was again interrupted by Alex.

Another squeeze to her thigh was what she felt as encouragement for her to look up at him and take in the genuinity behind his every word, "Ella, I bought this for you and only you. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind when I got it and I was the happiest picking out a pretty case for your new camera and had trouble controlling myself when it came to getting you all those film rolls." He softened his features even more, like he was trying to do puppy eyes on her, "Please accept it darling? Nothing would make me happier."

She stayed quiet for a few seconds, eyes going back down to the pretty camera, debating whether or not to actually let herself accept such a gift but when she looked back up at him and saw those brown eyes she had missed looking into so much, she let her shoulders hang and gave into his wishes.

"Okay." She sighed out quietly like it hurt her, and she preoccupied herself with putting her new camera back in its case and putting it slowly inside the bag.

Once that was done, after almost a minute of her working ehr task in utter silence, she started saying, "But I'm gonna get you something else and I'll give it to you next time we see each other because that," She pointed at the gift bag in Alex's hands with a scowl, "Is way too simple."

"Eleanor." He called out for her to stop the rambling he knew would soon ensue if he didn't stop it from happening.

She sighed like she was regretting every one of her decisions and replied with a shy, "Hmm?"

"Stop that." He instructed her, a hint of an amused smile on his face. Not because he found this predicament funny but because she looked like she was about to throw a little tantrum and it was adorable.

She huffed like a child, about to chat back playing dumb about what he was implying, "Wha–"

But he stopped her with a soft, "Don't" that worked to keep her quiet and slightly reassured her, "I'm gonna love this, I know it." He lifted the bag slightly and decided to just go for it before Ella could continue spiraling. "You know what?" He trailed off before diving right into the bag for the gift that was well guarded inside a pretty wrapping paper and a little bow.

"It's so simple." Ella pointed out when Alex took it out of the bag and set it over his legs.

He shook his head as he started carefully undoing the creases at the bottom of the paper and when he saw the handmade cover of the big square journal she'd gotten him, his heart bursted in his chest.

Alex could faintly read 'On The Road' which was made with magazine cutout letters and a written subheading in a dainty piece of white paper beneath it that read 'A picture collection by Ella'. As he took the book out of the paper, he noticed polaroid frames sticking out along with ends of ribbons and hints of color seeping through the pages.

"Is this...?" He asked wordlessly, without really a need to because he knew it was a scrapbook.

Ella sighed, fiddling with her fingers, "Yeah."

Opening it, he found she'd written a little dedication page first. It had pictures of the pretty sunsets he knew they'd seen together and she'd photographed throughout the years. He could name them if she asked him to: it was the one from her first day in London, then that day coming out of Belmont Park, the first sunset they'd seen together when they recorded Brick by Brick, the one they'd also had the chance of appreciating together when he took her to the beach after everything with Julian had happened.

And in the middle of it all was a pasted note that seemed to be purposely and carefully made to look like a ripped piece of paper, attached to the page with two pieces of beige tape on opposite ends, that read the sweetest dedication:

Alex, I found myself lost in memory lane when I stumbled into pictures I had taken the first few times I met you and the guys. It's crazy to think it's been two years since then, it feels like it's been a lifetime but also just a few months ago at the same time. I got lost in every frame for hours and the warmth that spread through my chest felt so nice, I thought it would be kind to share the feeling. Of course, I had to make it better than a photo album so I took my sweet time meticulously putting every page together in a way my mind seems to assemble things. I hope you understand my vision. And if not, then I blame my lack of crafting skills.

Merry Christmas sweetness, love you lots!

- Ella xx

"Darling..." Alex said softly, a knot forming in his throat after reading that and it only got tighter when he flipped the page and saw the few pictures of the band Ella had taken back in 2011.

But she didn't even catch the emotion behind Alex's whisper because she was so lost in her own mind, "I know, I'm so sorry. I wasn't expecting you giving me a camera worth a fucking grand sweets! I should've established a budget."

"Ella." Alex said the tiniest bit louder this time, eyes getting more and more glassy the more he flipped through the pages, "This is the sweetest fucking thing." His voice was a bit strangled, but his smile didn't falter at all, his eyes dropped to the page he was on and his chest swelled even more seeing a picture where she was smiling hard at the camera, eyes closing from the big grin, with Alex resting his chin over her shoulder as he hugged her from behind.

"Come here." He mumbled, letting the book close on his lap to pull her in by her wrists and crushing her in a tight hug, an awkward one since the space in the car didn't allow for much.

He left a bunch of kisses on the side of her face, dropping a few down her jaw and neck, giggles bloomed from her chest and felt like music to his ears.

"Did you like it?" Ella asked shyly in his ear.

He pulled back, cupping her face with his hands and assuring her, "I fucking love it."

"Really?" She asked breathlessly, a hint of doubt behind her eyes that had Alex needing to keep flipping through the pages so that she could see it clearly on his face just how much he loved what she'd done.

"I really do." He skipped through the ones that he remembered had been snapped in that little west coast tour they did at the start of 2012 to the beginning of all the ones she'd taken when she'd been at the studio with them while they recorded AM, "I had never seen half of these!"

Ella winced a little, knowing it was true because she had never had a proper chance to show them to him. She had sent a few to his team just in case they wanted them for AM promo, alongside the first draft of the finished AM making documentary she'd filmed.

"Sorry, I have to send the scans to you." There were so many pictures she'd forgotten to show him that she knew he'd love because so many were of him in his element.

He hummed in agreement, "Please email them to me, darling." And then, he flipped onto another page and he giggled a bit before pointing out, "I wanna hang this one."

"Oh stop, it's so bad." Ella rolled her eyes when she caught which one he was talking about.

Shaking his head, he chatted back, "No, I love it."

"I was crying and you can tell I was." It was a picture of her birthday, one after they'd been drinking and singing karaoke in her house and she had started crying from how much love she felt. The 'Birthday Girl' cowboy hat the lads had gotten her was perched on her head and she was scrunching her nose in laughter with her eyes half lidded as Alex attacked her face with chaste kisses.

"And?" Alex didn't care for the way it was clear her mascara was smudged and the tears running down her face were clear in the picture, she looked as beautiful as ever, "Look at you."

Her face lit up in flames at the way he looked up at her and back down to the picture, there was so much written on his face that was making her heart beat faster with every second, "Shut up."

Alex kept flipping through it all, entirely in awe of the detailing on every page and the way she'd set up every picture. He went from her birthday to the last few months of recording, to their Los Feliz escapades, to Glastonbury and the entirety of her holiday over in the UK, to the few pictures she'd managed when they had three gigs in LA a few months before.

He wished they could move forward in time and see which other pictures would join the collection.

"Darling, this is so sweet." Alex mused, going back to see his favorites, which were mostly the ones he'd taken of her and she'd put together in a page that read 'The shots you took when you were coming for my career'. His smile got impossibly bigger, "Thank you." He pulled her in for another hug, pressing a long kiss on her cheek and mumbling a sweet, "I love you." against her skin.

"I love you too." She reciprocated and hummed in delight, but when she pulled back and saw the difference of presents perched on each other's laps, she let herself get emotional all over again and looked up at him with a pout, "Thank you so much Al, honestly."

He didn't like seeing her cry at all but knowing that it was happiness that was moving her this much, he smiled and endured it, "Merry Christmas darling."

Ella threw herself over him this time, giving him the biggest hug and mumbled, "You're the best."

To get her to laugh, he teased, "Am I?" and he was entirely satisfied when a loud cackle came from her.

"You're so annoying." She whined when she pulled back, softly shoving him by the shoulders.

He shook his head, "I'm joking." And intertwined their fingers together to have her in his arms again, "Come here, gimme a hug."

They didn't want to let go, not when it felt so right to hold each other and when it just made sense in this bubble charged with so much warmth and affection. There was not a worry in the world that could poke at them, until Alex's phone started to ring and, though he let it go to voicemail once, he got a swarm of notifications along with another phone call.

Reluctantly, he let go of Ella, still holding her hand and rubbing circles on the back of her hand as he answered with an annoyed, "Hello?"

His frown quickly melted for a clearly stressed out expression and he heavily sighed before he apologized, "Fuck. Yeah, sorry." Ella could barely make out what was being said through the phone, it was pure gibberish to her ears but she squeezed his hand in hopes to soothe whatever was happening.

He smiled sweetly at her and it heavily contrasted with his wary tone as he said, "We're about thirty minutes away, if that's alright?" And she saw his shoulders fall in slight relief after that. He ended the call with a calm, "Sure. See ya' mate." but let out a long exhale when he pressed the red button on the screen of his phone.

"We have to go?" She asked, it was the only thing she could imagine him getting in trouble about.

He nodded, "Yep. Soundcheck was supposed to start half an hour ago."

"Oh fuck." Ella cursed under her breath, carefully putting her gift bag in the backseat floor, placing the bag with her food beside it and chucking her ugly sweater behind her without much of a care for it.

"S'alright darling. They'll wait for me." He assured her, putting his seatbelt on after she'd quickly done so and turned on the car.

But Ella felt bad for making other people struggle with time just because they'd gotten carried away, "Sorry, I wasn't meaning to get you back late."

She almost melted on her seat though, when he shrugged and squeezed her thigh, "It's not your fault. Plus I'd do it again. I couldn't be arsed about being on time if I'm with you."

He caught a flash of her grin as she looked behind her and pulled out of their parking spot, "You're too cute."

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

It had been all hot and pathetic tears that just wouldn't stop when Ella had to say goodbye to them that night. And it was so unfair that it was that night that they had to leave as soon as possible, because she would've been able to actually stay for as long as she could.

There also was the fact that Bre was going with them so it was hitting her how she was spending the holidays on her own whilst the lads and their missus would be all spending it together.

The only consolation prize she had was that Florence would be coming to Los Angeles with the 1975 as they had a few gigs in town the following week so the prospect of seeing her and the band after so long brought a bit of familiarity she'd be missing until she got to see everyone again.

Which, now, she wasn't sure when it would be.

Just that had made her cry a bit more when she'd gotten home and when Alex had made it a mission to be on the phone with her almost the entirety of the day after, up until he had to go on stage.

The following days had been hard because her mind was plagued with the thought of Alex to the point that she was struggling to focus even at work. It was embarrassing the amount of times she'd gotten aggressively honked out of her thoughts when she was driving, and the amount of times Lydia had to snap her back into reality with waves of her hand in front of her face.

She needed a distraction, desperately, and when The 1975 and Florence arrived in LA, it was perfect timing.

They'd gotten into town on the morning of a Thursday so Ella couldn't go see them as soon as they got there, but Flo had gone to visit her at the office just a few hours before she was leaving and it had been such a lovely surprise, Ella had almost tumbled the both of them to the floor from how hard she'd hugged her.

Instead of going home and changing like she'd planned, Ella just drove the both of them to the venue where the lads would be playing and she got the warmest welcome when she walked into their greenroom.

She'd laugh so much from the moment she got there, and she couldn't help but find herself comparing the energy to when she was with the Monkeys in their greenroom. The 1975 guys were so much more chaotic, Matty and George together in a room was the funniest chaos and Ross added a spoonful to it that made her lose it altogether even more. Flo's cousin, Adam, was the more grounded one, but after a spliff or two that they'd all shared, he found himself giggling and throwing jokes that made Ella gasp in surprise at the lewdness of some of them.

It had been slightly refreshing that George had resumed his flirting with her and the affection he was showing her as they waited for the show to start, reminded her just how long it had been since she'd properly gotten any relief from someone else.

George had cheekily managed to get a kiss from Ella, claiming it was for good luck and that he would really need it. Ella had shaken her head but given in, and the feeling that washed over her made her want to beg for him to take her somewhere else when the gig was over.

Ella and Flo had joined the crowd and managed to wiggle their ways into the sea of people until they stood on the left side of the stage a few people away from the barricade. The venue was smaller than the ones the Monkeys had played when they came to LA but there was a good one thousand people inside the venue and the anticipation was even more palpable somehow.

When the lights went down and the big rectangle box flashed behind George's drum kit, the walls shook with the loud screams from the crowd and when the album intro boomed through the speakers just as the band walked out on stage, the people got impossibly louder. Ella and Flo joined in, the adrenaline coursing through their veins as the intro built up and peaked into their first song.

Hearing the many songs she'd absolutely loved from their debut album had been incredible and she'd been particularly louder when they got to 'Pressure' which was definitely her favorite from the album.

After the show, she'd helped them set their gear back in the small tour bus they had and she'd ended up saying goodbye not long after. She promised to be back the next day as soon as she could and she truly couldn't wait to watch another one of their shows.

"You should come over to mine after the show to celebrate." She invited easily, already thinking about having to get a few more bottles of wine for Flo and Matty. "I can drive y'all, we can manage to fit in my car."

They all nodded and agreed, they were staying in Los Angeles until the following Tuesday, so it would be perfect to get pissed at Ella's house and enjoy a proper catch up and finally take in her neck of the woods.

So, the next day, Ella arrived at the venue during soundcheck and she'd had the best time watching them mess about on stage before the show. Matty had snuck in the chorus of 'I Want It That Way' and 'There She Goes' in between their songs while Adam along with the sound people of the venue checked it was all perfect.

They'd gotten high and chatted about everything and anything until they were due on stage, Flo and Ella sneaking into the crowd once again in between giggles and managing to have a few conversations with some girls around them.

The show had been fucking mental, the energy that Matty exuded on stage was so contagious that the crowd gave him even more energy back and it was a vicious cycle that assured for the post-show rush to last a while.

It was a never-ending adrenaline rush that stayed with them the whole night, making for a really fun drinking night with them all.

Ella hadn't gotten that drunk, aware that she had suggested them all staying over so they didn't have to get a expensive taxi back to their hotel so she had to be a good host the next morning, but she'd gotten tipsy enough to settle the fact that George would be sharing her bed once everyone was ready to go to sleep.

They'd been getting off all throughout the night and all the 'get a room' comments had ended up in her deciding that they indeed needed to get a room for themselves that night. Though she knew they wouldn't be able to do much with everyone in the house, she wanted to enjoy having George to herself for a little longer.

Everyone groaned and complained about how they wouldn't get any sleep if George went with Ella but she flipped them all off and told them, "There's a guest room at the end of the hallway, the bathroom is right here and I'm gonna go get the air mattress. Someone is gonna have to sleep on the couch if that's alright."

Matty and Flo basically sprinted to the guest room and chucked themselves on the bed with Ella following behind to get the air mattress, "You two better not keep me up all night or have me change the sheets in the middle of the night."

Flo smirked as she watched her clumsily go through the things stored in the closet of the guest room, "Don't worry, we don't make messes. I swallow."

Matty laughed so loud at his wife's comment and Ella was left speechless at the sudden comment, "Jesus Christ, you filthy bitch."

"What? You don't?" Flo asked with a quirk of her brow, purely taunting her for an answer.

George startled her when he answered from the threshold of the room's door where he was leaning, "She does."

Ella blushed hard at the comment, getting embarrassingly wet at the memory of having her mouth stuffed with his cock and her mouth watering at the thought of it happening again.

"Shut up." She scorned him as she walked right past him, air mattress box, two pillows and blankets in hand.

WIth Ross and Adam's help, they cleared out the middle of the living room and set up the air mattress. Adam had kindly let Ross take it as he settled down for the night on the settee and they thanked Ella for the pillows and blankets she'd brought for them.

"Sweet dreams guys." She called out before she walked back to her room, where George was eagerly waiting for her with that smile of his luring her right in to sit on his lap at the edge of the bed.

At first it was just a continuation of the kisses they'd been sharing all night, until he felt just how wet she was and she couldn't keep down the moan that the feeling of his fingers on her clit elicited out of her.

She startled herself and stopped him, "We can't. I know I won't be able to keep quiet."

He of course understood, but she seemed so afraid of everyone hearing her that he had to joke to settle her down a bit before they stopped, "Should I gag you then?"

And that sparked an idea in her head.

She stood up from bed quickly, scaring George who instantly apologized and said he didn't mean it but he was surprised when she shushed him and told him it was alright to then walk up to her closet and pull out a big box that when she opened, made George's mouth fall slack at the amount of sex toys and kinky accessories she had in it.

"Ella, fucking hell." He cursed under his breath, watching her fingers move stuff around until she found what she was looking for: a silicone bar gag with a leather collar to buckle in place.

Something snapped inside of George when Ella so innocently went to put the box back in its place and slowly walked back to bed. He'd pulled her in by the waist and quickly hovered over her, kissing her hungrily until she was squirming due to the lack of relief when she was so uncomfortably wet already.

The gag had helped her not be as loud as she knew she would've been after such a long time without having someone in her bed, but still, George was so good with his tongue and his fingers that she'd been biting down hard most of the time, her jaw ached by the third time she came.

He'd been so hard, Ella was sad she truly couldn't feel comfortable enough to take him in her mouth after having her jaw clenched so hard for so long, so she used her hand to get him off and got him to finish on her tongue.

Ella had the best night of sleep cuddled up to George and it had been a struggle to give up the way his limbs felt tangled over her body so that she could make everyone breakfast.

The food had been a great apology for the noises that had managed to slip out of Ella's bedroom, for which Flo and Matty took the piss out of them both, and eventually, they all left. Everyone but George. He had kindly declined going around Los Angeles with them all to spend the day with Ella, more like on and in Ella, and practically kicking them all out of the house when they started teasing them just as they were leaving Ella's.

"We might be going out tonight. Any recommendations? And do you wanna come with us or are yous gonna be too busy?" Ross raised his brow as he asked them both with a smirk on his face, being the last to walk through the door.

Ella hummed, "There's this club in Hollywood called The Sound or something like that. I'll send you the address, we'll see you there."

Ross nodded and walked up to the taxi that was waiting for them, Matty and Flo already inside the vehicle while Adam was waiting for Ross to finish talking so that he could get in the car. Ella waved them goodbye, feeling George behindher doing the same while his free hand came to clutch onto her waist.

As soon as the taxi was gone and Ella closed the door, George lifted her from the floor and threw her onto his shoulder to all but run up to her room, where he threw her on the bed and hungrily pounced on her as he'd wanted since they woke up.

"You're gonna grab that box and we're testing everything inside it." George mumbled against her lips after dizzying her with a heated kiss.

Ella panted as she nodded and it took her a few seconds after he got off her to realize she had to get up and get it.

It was fair to say they spent most of the day trying the different things in the box, taking breaks in between and chatting like it was just another day, until they got another rush of lust and they went at it again.

They'd gotten interrupted by seven in the evening when Flo called Ella to make sure if she and George we coming with them to the club, to which she said yes but let her know it wasn't opening until ten, so they'd all have time to get ready and leave and get there early enough to be first in line and get a good table.

Ella had no idea how George had the amount of energy he had because they took their fun even to the shower when she was supposed to be getting ready, but he'd easily convinced her to let him join her and her hands started to roam and before she could even comprehend, she was sucking George's fingers and begging him to fill her up again.

When the pair got to the club, the group was practically asking every question out there with just their eyes but they got nothing.

Adam and Ella were staying sober that night, so they both had their entertainment sorted by a drunk Matty, Florence, Ross and George. Though, George had kept it within his limits because he was going back home with Ella and he didn't want to pass out on her. It was Ross the one who was the drunkest and it was hilarious to see the tall bearded man being so clumsy and avidly spouting random shit in between conversations.

By the end of the night, which was around two in the morning for them because Ross was falling asleep, they were all knackered from all the dancing. Adam had been left to look after a drunk Ross while Matty was being the best husband and making sure Flo didn't fall on her face as she'd had too many shots—she had most of them double, to compensate for the fact that Ella wasn't drinking, she said.

Ella had driven all the way back home and she'd been pleasantly surprised by how much of a cute drunk George was. She tended to him and when she got back to her room, he was fighting his exhaustion to wait for her to come back and cuddle into him.

He was so warm and she loved how he felt like a weighted blanket on her, her eyes were closing and she was relishing in the bliss until he slurred his words in her ear, "I wanted you to ride my face but I'm so knackered."

She shook with loud laughter that made him giggle in her ear, "Go to sleep, you idiot."

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Ella gave George and the rest of the group a nice drive around her favorite places in Los Angeles, ending it with a nice stroll by the beach and invited them all out for dinner that Sunday. It had been so fun being the one to show the place she considered home to them all, and she found herself even happier when she saw them enjoying every place they went to.

George had spent that night over as well, Ella cheekily asking if he wanted to come over—she texted Ben right after George agreed enthusiastically and said she'd be taking the Monday off.

It felt good and easy, something casual with someone she trusted and she was incredibly happy even though she was sad to see them go that Monday night. She drove George back to where they were staying and actually went inside the airport with them to properly say goodbye. It was very late at night and their flight was leaving around three in the morning, but that didn't keep Ella from staying as long as she could until they had to leave to go through security.

Unlike with the Monkeys, Ella found it a bit easier to bid them farewell. It probably was because she felt so at ease with them that she was grateful for how they'd gotten her out of her miserable thoughts of the past week.

Plus the fact that there wasn't an underlying tension that she had no idea how to solve.

She sighed heavily once they all disappeared behind the white wall after they got through security, suddenly her mind flooded back with the same million thoughts of Alex and the distance between them. Like George's presence had been just some dense fog that made the mountain of every unsolved question and undiscovered feeling about Alex disappear for just a brief moment.

Now it came all back in sight and she didn't know what to do. There wasn't really much she could do.

The next morning, she drowned herself in work to muffle every distraction thought of her turmoil and when she got home, she started brainstorming photoshoots and putting together moodboards to take up on photography consistently again.

But as she took shelter in work and planning, Alex had been moping around alone in the tour bus on the way to Kansas City, the last stop of the tour.

Before the 1975 and Flo left LA, George had found a print of a picture Ella had taken the day they went on a date in London—the one with her thighs on each sides of his waist with his hands on her legs—, she had it perched up on one of her shelves next to a bunch of other pictures that she loved. It was a collection of pictures she'd taken and grown to love so she sprinkled them around her room proudly.

George had picked it up and teased her for it, which ended up in them kissing for a while, hands wandering everywhere until Ella got on top of him and they stopped just to take in their view. Ella had grabbed the picture, which had been printed in a size similar to a polaroid and placed it on George's abdomen. She'd picked up her phone and, after quickly making sure they were in the same position as the original picture, she took the same picture with the print in the middle—the black and white of the print contrasted against George's skin.

And Ella had posted it, after she'd ridden George until they both came and they were left sweaty and hazy from their orgasms. 'Nice kind of messy' she had captioned it and when Alex had seen it, his heart had dropped and his blood had grown cold.

Alex knew the 1975 were on a small tour in the States and he also knew that they were going to be in Los Angeles a few days, Florence had told him just that. And Alex recognized the print in the middle of the picture clearly, it was George—it was the same box tattoo he had on his thumb next to Ella's red ink 'Divine Feminine' tattoo.

Jealousy was something Alex was more clearly able to recognize nowadays when it came to Ella but this horrible sourness that rose up his throat and made him feel ill was new. It was far stronger than anything he'd felt before and he didn't know what to do other than hide away in the back lounge of the bus, the scrapbook Ella had gifted him in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other.

Swig after swig, he'd ended up confusing the sway of the bus on the road for the dizziness that made his vision spin. He had ended up opening one of the big windows to smoke a few cigarettes inside the room, going over every poor decision he'd made so far that had kept him from telling Ella exactly how he felt. Keeping it to himself was so painful but he didn't know who he should talk to about it.

He was debating calling Florence, trying to make the math for the time difference in his head but eventually giving up when the memory of Ella's recent post came to the forefront of his mind like a cruel mocking his own brain was throwing at him.

He fell asleep on the settee there, the vodka bottle half empty and the scrapbook open on the pictures he'd taken of her. Time had completely slipped from his grasp when he woke up to Matt knocking on the lounge door, Alex only hummed in response and Matt told him they'd arrive at the venue so everyone would be going out to get some food. The show wouldn't be until the next day, so they'd be staying overnight at the place in the tour bus, and it made sense to go look for something good to eat after having had a typical tour bus breakfast that barely got them through the day. But Alex had no appetite for food at the moment, so he hummed again and mumbled a slurred, "M'staying."

Matt left shortly after, he'd asked if he wanted anything but since he got no response, he figured to just leave his best mate to rest.

But Alex couldn't really find rest after that, not when he saw the scrapbook again and picked it back up and, before he could think about it properly, he pulled out his phone to open her instagram to only be hit with the clear reminder that Ella had gotten with George again.

When Matt said 'everyone' was going out to get food, Alex thought he was entirely alone in the bus. But when someone opened the lounge door suddenly, the lingering hint of alcohol in his blood got startled away. If the nap hadn't sobered him up fully, it was the fright of someone coming into the room that did it.

It got even worse when that someone was none other than Alice.

Alice, who laughed loudly at the clear fright on his face and got even more amused when she saw him disheveled and really fucking sad.

Pathetic, she thought.

Her gaze fell on the handmade looking book he had perched on his lap and she asked, "What is that?" Her tone was clearly taunting, she was trying to get a rise out of him. He looked so fucking sorrowful that she was intrigued and incredibly amused at the same time.

"Go away Loveless." Alex said, exhausted, letting out a long sigh that he hoped told her enough about how he wasn't really in the mood at all for her attitude.

"Oh come on Red. I thought we were friends?" She played again, if his presence there had just ruined her plans of relieving herself in the peace of an empty tour bus, then she would get her fill of entertainment from him. "Tell me what's that and why's it got you so pathetically miserable."

He kissed his teeth and hissed a stern, "Fuck off."

But Alice wasn't planning on it. So she quickly came up to him with all the intention of snatching the book from him to take a peek at it, yet Alex acted quicker than her and raised it upwards and away from her.

That had turned out to be a mistake though, because Alice was stubborn and she had no issue in placing her knees on each side of his hips and using his shoulder as leverage to reach the book in his hands. And when she finally plucked it from his hand, she let herself sink down and took a seat on his lap.

Alice smiled to herself reading it had been made by Ella, thinking about how sweet she was, completely missing the way Alex swallowed a groan at the sudden contact and the way his hands instantly came to hold her hips.

She flipped through the pages in silence, admiring every little detail of Ella's work on the scrapbook and smiling harder when she got to see different sides of Ella that she was so jealous had been all there for Alex to witness.

God, did she want her.

Alice wasn't dumb though, she was able to quickly put it all together and she hummed to herself when she came to the conclusion that Alex's tragic mood was all due to the fact that she'd clearly slept with someone else and posted it proudly for everyone to know.

Yet, playing dumb just to push his buttons sounded like a far more interesting turn of events.

"Did you see what she posted today?" Alice asked him with a fake tone of naivety in her voice. When she remembered the picture though, she felt a heat come over her all over again and she let her sinful thoughts slip out easily, "It's all I've been thinking about while I was waiting for everyone to leave so I could play with myself to the memory of her on top of me."

"Alice." Alex muttered, his words sounded strangled like he was in pain hearing that, his hips shifting beneath her subconsciously.

"What?" She asked innocently, clearly noticing his writhing and biting her lip at the brief friction she got from it. She had been unable to get herself off for almost a week now and it was fucking painful.

"Please, shut the fuck up." He was willing to beg her to just go but his thoughts were being clouded by how close she was to him and how good it felt to have her heat radiating into him.

"Oh why? Are you having trouble again?" She chuckled, faux pity making her lips curl into a forced pout, "You know I love seeing her posts, makes me reminisce. I know you're stupid but I don't think as much as to not have seen those pictures she posts and not do a single thing about it."

He groaned in response, one of Ella's pictures coming to the forefront of his mind and the latest one he'd fucked his fist to which was the Halloween one. The same one to which Alice had fucked herself too, wishing it was Ella doing it.

"It's so sad isn't it?" Alice pushed further, "How he's had her twice now, maybe even more than thrice whilst you're left here fucking your fist alone in your bunk." She wished the image of that didn't turn her on as much as it did.

Just to irk him even more, the singer continued, "She gave me the honor of having her twice and god, Alex. Do you wanna hear a rundown about it?"

The 'no' he wanted to say got stuck in his throat when she shifted on top of him, a groan managing to slip from him. His fingers harshly digging into her skin and keeping her flush against his hardening cock was enough of an answer for her to continue.

Alice hummed, and her hips started rocking on his lap more consciously now, "Do you wanna hear about how she fucked herself on my fingers only to end up riding my thigh? Her hips moving just like this at the start, and god those pretty sounds she makes," She leaned into his ear and moaned sweetly, just like Ella did, rocking her hips harder and feeling the perfect amount of pressure on her clit to have her drench her underwear further, "They're fucking addicting."

"She was dripping all over my thigh, her head thrown back and those perfect tits all over my fucking face for me to suck on." Alex exhaled heavily against Alice's tits, his lips parting even more as if one part of him was tempted to suck on them like she was talking about, like he was fantasizing about doing to Ella.

His grip got stronger then. Ella. It was all that he was starting to think about, with his eyes fully closing to just picture her.

"She looked so fucking pretty when she came, Alex. I swear I can see and hear it clearly every time I need something to think about on lonely nights." It wasn't a bluff, the thought of Ella was a promise of a great orgasm for Alex and she was starting to go in that direction despite having Alex actually beneath her.

Another image of Ella flashed through her mind, making her moan loudly before she continued, "Do you wanna hear about how well she uses that pretty mouth of hers? How she ate me out like she was fucking starved only to fuck me with my toys until I fucking squirted all over her?"

A breathy moan fell from his lips then, cursing under his breath at the thought Ella's mouth all over him, wrapped around him, "Fucking hell."

"I know, it pains me that I can't have her every fucking day." Alice admitted, her mouth watering at the thought of Ella's taste on her tongue, "And do you wanna hear about how hard she kissed me and how much she begged for me to make her cum multiple times? She's insatiable, you know." Her pace got faster, hips moving erratically on his, "Fucking insatiable and you just can't never say no to her."

"Can you Alex? Huh?" She opened her eyes to look down at him, falling apart just from hearing it all.

He shook his head, answering honestly because how could he not agree? There was nothing he would deny Ella. Nothing.

He was growing harder by the second in his pants. Painfully harder, all just from picturing every word Alice was uttering and it was genuinely driving him insane.

Alice wanted more, she needed proper relief so she grabbed his hand and lifted it towards her mouth. She parted her lips and welcomed two of his fingers, sucking them and dragging them down her body until they reached under her skirt.

"She was so damn good to me. Knowing exactly how to touch me," She dragged him slowly up her soaked underwear until his digits pressed on her clit, "Exactly how to tease me." She made him draw circles on her clit multiple times until she shuddered at the pleasure rushing down her spine, "Exactly how to make me fall apart for her." She pushed her underwear aside and guided his fingers to her entrance but Alex was the one to push them in.

"Oh fuck." Alice cursed in a moan, struggling to continue, "She filled me up so fucking good." Alex curled his fingers at the image in his head and Alice smirked, swallowing a moan to praise, "Yeah, just like that."

It only took a few minutes of him thrusting his fingers in and out of Alice for him to lose control. His eyes were closed, so he was fully just picturing every single thing he was doing to be with Ella. To Ella.

Just like Alice was picturing Ella instead of Alex.

Suddenly, it seemed like a fair trade—both frustrated over Ella's absence and filling the void of carnal desires with each other.

So they ended up fucking again, both of them coming undone shortly after Alex sank himself into Alice. Their hips snapping fast and hard against each other, skin slapping and raw moans filling up the small space.

Nothing else needed to be said. It was over and done with and they both got what they needed: release.

Yet, it felt definitive and they both knew it.

Alice wasn't interested in keeping this up, Alex was far too complicated and whatever their relationship was had always been enough of a mess to even navigate for professional purposes.

Alex though, he felt a bitterness settling inside of him and it seemed to be an awful lot like regret and self deprecation. Ella flooded his mind but his heart was also filled with her and every detail that came with her existence and the fact that he had just got back in bed with Alice for a second time, to the thought of her made him feel disgusted. Of himself, of his actions, of the way he wasn't acting according to what his heart felt.

And that's when he realized he was far more tangled with Ella than he had imagined, even if he knew it was strong already, the feeling of every mile that separated them came to weigh heavily on his chest and he wanted to be sick.

It was just Ella. Ella was the one he wanted, and no one would ever compare.

And now, he felt like he'd completely betrayed her once again. And he had no idea how to fix it.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Going back home for a holiday break to the ceiling silence of his flat seemed to be the repentance Alex needed.

At first, the guilt had been present constantly when he thought of her or he saw the pictures on his walls where she appeared. Whenever she'd text him, or call him, there was the nagging feeling in the back of his head that made him nauseous. It was like he was hiding something from her and he hated it so much.

But how would he even let it out in order to feel free of the burden? Alex had no idea.

Calling Flo and telling her everything had been helpful though, and Florence being the wise woman that she was, told him that he had to forgive himself because there wasn't gonna be anything good to come out of him making himself miserable over his decisions. She also reminded him that he hadn't really done anything wrong, both he and Alice had willingly done it and both seemed to have shared the same sentiment of thinking of Ella.

"I suppose it isn't the best of things to use someone to satiate the need of somebody else but it's not like neither of you knew." Flo commented with a sigh and a merciful look on her face. "You'll be alright Shakespeare. Just stop messing about and tell Ella."

When? was the golden question.

The one Alex was still trying to find an answer to as Christmas rolled around which he spent at his parents' house. Penny and David had asked all about tour and much more about Ella the second Alex first mentioned her when he got to telling them about the American leg of tour.

He had spent Boxing day with them as well, loving being able to spoil his parents with presents, and it brought him much peace to think about the time Ella spent over. He texted her again that night, being embarrassingly melancholic about the memory and hoping to wake up to her feeling the same wave of nostalgia over it.

The day after boxing day, he went back to London and got ready to head to Matt's for the Christmas party he was throwing. The Monkeys were all invited, Katie and Kelly joining, as well as the 1975 lads and Flo, and many more of Matt's friends.

Alex had drunk plenty that night, all to help himself a bit more when it came to actually letting himself enjoy the moment and laugh a bit easier. He'd ended up stumbling into Matt's guest room and passing out on the bed as soon as his head hit the pillows, utterly and completely exhausted from having to mingle with such a large crowd.

When he woke up the next morning, if it could be called morning as he had slept in until almost one in the afternoon, he found two missed calls from Ella sitting in his notifications. His head was pounding and his vision was fuzzy as he opened his messages and saw a few ones that made him smile for he could almost hear the pout on her face as she said 'Throwing a Christmas party without me is so rude :( I'm alone at home watching a marathon of Home Alone, at least facetime me!' but he'd been long gone by then.

The next ones were a mess of typos that he could barely make out and he figured maybe she'd found a party herself to get drunk at to forget about the lonesome holidays.

The following ones, though, had him frowning. It was just after one of the calls he'd missed and she'd simply texted, 'Alex pleaseeeee' followed by another missed call and a final, 'Please?'

There was nothing else said that could give him a hint about what she could mean with her pleading, and he was starting to get concerned. She'd sent those at around three in the morning for her, and it was about to be five in Los Angeles, so he figured she'd be already asleep but still he sent a worried, 'Is everything alright darling?' and went along with his day, trying to be patient since it would definitely be a long time until she answered.

But she didn't answer for a long while, not until he was deep into nursing a few beers in the comfort of Flo and Matty's flat where everyone was gathered in a more intimate Christmas party.

He read her message that said, 'Sorry, I was very drunk. Everything's alright except for this stupid hangover that I need to disappear before work tomorrow.' just as Florence asked George something. Alex tuned the drummer out for a second, a smile forming in his face as he imagined Ella sleepily trying to move around her house, but it faltered when he heard Ella's name being mentioned in the chat. His ears perked up just in time to catch a piece of information he didn't need.

At all.

"Ella woke me up today, actually." George smirked against the rim of his glass.

Flo raised a brow at the mention of the director, she just said, "Go on." in response, knowing that there was more to the story and she really wanted to know what he was implying.

George shrugged his shoulders, "Let's say it was a really nice surprise to wake up to."

Flo squeaked and so did Bre, who asked very quickly, "Did she send a picture?"

"No," George blushed slightly and it only made the girls more curious, "She called me."

When George said that, it was like a truck carrying a full load had tumbled over and dropped all of its weight over Alex. There's no way, he thought. And before he could even think about there not being a possibility of it getting worse for him, it did.

"And because I'm a gentleman I won't divulge more than the fact that it was a very non PG call and I think I had a heart attack and died at 11am."

Alex froze in his place, not even the loud squeals from the girls managing to stop him from zoning out—the fact that he had missed that call dawning on him and it was the worst joke of all time.

He took a minute to count until a hundred, trying not to kick off at himself for getting wankered and sleeping so deep to have missed that, even more so when it meant that Ella had chosen him first, only to be replaced by George.

Fucking George, he cursed in his mind before standing up and excusing himself to go for a cig.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

The New Year had come faster than expected and Alex's birthday creeped around the corner with it.

It seemed like 2014 was taking pity on Alex and giving him an early birthday present though, when he got an email from Steve and his team with the following tour dates coming up.

Alex had almost missed it, the letters on the screen of his phone merging into a big pile that confused him as he scrolled and scrolled. Until his eyes landed in a certain place that he had begged his manager to get.

Bonnaroo Music Festival 2014 - Manchester, TN, USA - 15/06/2014

He almost dropped his phone twice in the haste of dialing her phone, waiting eagerly for her to answer and trying again when it went to voicemail.

"Hello?" Ella asked breathlessly, and it sounded almost like she was running away from a loud place because the loud chatter faded away as the seconds passed.

"Promise me you're not gonna cry." He said first and foremost, and that only had a big ball of anxiety settling on Ella's stomach.

She bit her bottom lip with a frown, "Yeah, I'm not sure I can."

"Darling..." He warned as if he needed that promise to tell her the news.

She squeaked in stress, "Alex you can't just say that and expect me to say I promise! What is it?! Are you okay?!"

He smiled at the way her words stumbled into each other, "I'm more than okay darling. I just need you to promise me there won't be any tears when I tell you this."

There was loud silence for a few seconds before she hesitantly said, "Okay, I promise. Now what is it?"

"You sure you promise?" He asked again, but she could hear through his voice the smirk he clearly had on his face and she rolled her eyes.

"Stop teasing! What is it?!" She said desperately this time.

Alex let out a shaky breath before he finally let her know, "We're playing Bonnaroo darling."

A beat or two of silence were followed by a loud gasp. He giggled at her reaction and even more when her voice wavered as she asked, "Actually? For real? This year?"

He nodded stupidly, a foolish smile on his face and his heart hammering against his chest, "Yes, darling, this year."

Her scream was deafening, and he really wondered where she was just to take the piss out of her for making a scene in some public space. But then he heard her sniffling and he knew she was silently sobbing.

"You promised no tears, Eleanor." He reminded her with a soft voice.

Another sniffle was heard louder this time, "I know, I know. I'm sorry." Ella apologized halfheartedly, "I know. It's just," She stopped herself to take a deep breath and her heart felt like it was about to burst at the news, "You're coming home."

Home.

Alex thought about how Ella had grown to feel like home to him, and if the happiness and all the warmth he felt within him at that very moment didn't back that up, then he was sure he'd know the second he got to see her again. This time in her actual home.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

A/N: I'm actually so damn excited to get to Bonnaroo finally!!! When I found out they'd played there in 2014 as I was plotting the basics of this fic back in April 2022, I genuinely gasped so loud. It just played so well into the timeline and building everything around it was so much fun. We're finally getting to my favourite bits of this story and I'm honestly buzzing about it - this means that we're closer to the end though :((( Only 4 more chapters and the epilogue left *cries* I hope you enjoyed this one and also hope to see you with the next one very soon - I'll try my  best I promise!! Have a great weekend darlings xx

Taglist:   @imagine-that-100 @red---moon @kennedy-brooke @faveficz @indierockgirrl @ladydraculasthings @moonvr @unwantedlovergirl @eaglestar31 @nikisfwn @funniestpersoninnyc @andrearroe @justacaliforniandreamer @alexturnersgf69 @yourorganiccigarette @chickenxdrum

[foundtherightwords]

Signal Fire - Chapter 1

Summary: Two years after Corroded Coffin finally made it big, Eddie learns that Chrissy's mother has passed away. He returns to Hawkins in the hope of reuniting with her, but would Chrissy be able to overcome her fears and allow herself some happiness at last?

A/N: This is the final part of "Return to Hawkins". I highly recommend that you read the first two parts, especially "Headlights on Dark Roads", before reading this.

Also, since the first one, "Same Streets, New Memories" is in Eddie's POV, and the second one, "Headlights on Dark Roads", is in Chrissy's POV, I thought I'd have their alternating POVs here to balance things out.

Warnings: angst, brief mentions of abuse, homophobia, and drug use, some smut (in this chapter)

Chapter word count: 4.2k

Chapter 1

On tour, every band has its own post-show wind-down routine. Some retire to their hotel rooms with a drink or two and some mind-numbing TV. Some crash on their tour bus on their way to the next city, the next gig. Some meditate. Some talk to their therapist. Others, the really annoying ones, do yoga or hit the gym. Most party, and party hard, putting every substance known to man—and some unknown as well—down their throats, up their noses, and into every bodily orifice they can find.

The members of Corroded Coffin, like ET, phone home.

It had been over two years since they were signed with Metal Blade, two whirlwind years of constant recording, rehearsals, and gigs. Their third album—often mistaken by the new fans as their debut—had gone gold, then platinum. They had opened for Metallica, played at the recently resurrected Lollapalooza, and were about to embark on their first-ever European tour. For a band from a small town in Indiana who, until five years ago, was still struggling in obscurity, it was pretty well done.

Perhaps some of that success was owed to the band's exemplary behavior, both on- and offstage. Perhaps it was because they'd made almost every mistake one could make as a band already. When you've spent nearly 15 years doing everything wrong, the next thing you do is bound to be right. Their shows were always explosive, but there was no smashing of instruments, no biting heads off live animals. They were friendly with the other acts, but as soon as the backstage party descended into chaos and disorder, they excused themselves. When it came to parties, Corroded Coffin was much more likely to be found in the kind that went raiding and fighting evil wizards.

Though there was the occasional speculation about their personal lives, especially that of their charismatic frontman, they remained intensely private on that aspect. Tabloids soon got bored of them. They became known as the good boys of metal. Other critics, less charitable, called them a dad band, squares, or said that, like their name, they were already in the grave. They didn't care. All those years had taught them to manage their expectations. They knew they were never going to be huge, like Metallica-huge. But they seemed set on their way to being a moderately successful band, at least enough to earn a living doing what they love, and how many of us are that lucky?

That night, as they finished their penultimate US show in San Francisco, Jeff, Grant, and Gareth called their loved ones in LA as usual, although they were coming home the next day to prepare for Rock am Ring in Germany. Eddie checked his phone as well. Though it was now late in Hawkins, Uncle Wayne would still be awake, a leftover habit from his days of working nights at the plant, or, if not, he would leave Eddie a voice message—the old man never got the hang of texting, bless him—and Eddie would call him back in the morning.

Wayne had left a message. It only said, "Call me when you get this. Never mind the time."

Had something happened? Had there been an accident? With his heart in his throat, Eddie fumbled with the buttons to dial Wayne's number.

"I'm fine, everything's fine," Wayne said the moment he heard Eddie's voice, and Eddie relaxed slightly. "Except—ah, Mrs. Cunningham just passed away. Couple of days ago."

Eddie's first reaction was to laugh out loud at the sheer anti-climactic feel of it all. Through the curtain of his bunk, he could hear the murmur of Gareth's voice asking his wife to give their daughter a goodnight kiss.

"How'd you know?" Eddie asked. "Did she tell you or—"

Wayne knew who he meant. "No. I still see her in town from time to time, but—no, I saw the funeral notice."

So Chrissy's mom had died. Eddie sat down, not quite sure how he should take the news. He supposed he should feel bad for the woman, at least a little, but all he could feel was relief. Ding dong, the witch is dead. He'd only met Mrs. Cunningham once, shortly before he went back to LA, but it was enough, and he could never forgive her for the damage she'd done to Chrissy. She was the reason Chrissy had decided to stay in Hawkins, the reason Chrissy had given up on them. Now that she was gone... but he was getting ahead of himself. What bothered him was that Chrissy hadn't told him the news herself. She still had his number, he believed. Why hadn't she called? Did she think he would not care? Did she even want him there?

"When's the funeral?" Eddie heard himself asking.

"Day after tomorrow."

"Do you—do you think I should be there?"

Eddie knew Wayne would understand. Wayne knew Eddie would want to talk it out with someone, which was why he'd waited to tell Eddie directly instead of just leaving a message. Eddie was grateful to his uncle for that.

"Look, I don't want to pry into what happened between you and Chrissy," Wayne said. "But she's lonely, I can tell. For a year after you left, she didn't come around, didn't call, nothing. Then one day, I ran into her at the store, and the girl just... broke down. I told her if she needed someone to talk to, I'd be there for her. Now she brings me food sometimes, and we'd have a beer and talk about you."

"Wait, how come this is the first time I ever heard about you and Chrissy hanging out?"

"Chrissy asks me not to mention it to you. She's still..." Eddie was dying for his uncle to finish the sentence, but Wayne only cleared his throat. "But what does an old man like me know anyway? If you can make it, go—even if it's just for old time's sake."

After he said goodbye to Wayne and hung up, Eddie lay back in his bunk. Two years. Two years he had not heard from Chrissy. When he left, she'd asked him not to say goodbye, and so in his mind, things between them had never ended at all. Once the band was settled in LA, he'd called and called and called and sent messages after messages, telling her that he would wait until she was ready to talk, so they could figure things out. She never answered, and after a while, he stopped.

It was fortunate that he had been so busy the past two years, or he might have gone crazy from missing her. The mornings were the worst. At night, he could fall into bed, exhausted after a gig or a recording session, without thinking much of her, but in the morning, there was always a drowsy moment when he expected to feel her feather-light kisses on his ear, and he would strain so hard to actually catch the kiss that he woke himself up.

He'd missed her when he and the guys had gone to see The Return of the King (opening night, Grauman's Chinese Theater), although she had always fallen asleep watching any of the Lord of the Rings films. He missed seeing her curled up on his shitty couch in his shitty apartment in Hawkins. Not that he would trade what they had now for his old life. But it would've been nice if he could've shared it with her. 

And here was his chance.

The funeral was on Thursday. They were leaving for Germany next week. That would give him three days in Hawkins for the funeral and to work out whatever needed to be worked out between him and Chrissy, before rejoining the band in LA.

Two years was a long time. A lot could've changed. But if Wayne was correct, if Chrissy was really lonely and still... still what? Thinking of him? In love with him? Eddie didn't know, but he couldn't let this chance pass without finding out.

***

Eddie rented a car in Indianapolis and drove straight to the funeral from the airport. The closer he got to Hawkins, to seeing Chrissy, the faster his heartbeats got, until he felt like his heart had been switched with one of Gareth's snares. What would she be like? Would she be the same, or had she changed? Would she be happy to see him?

His flight was a bit late, and the car rental had taken longer than he'd expected, so by the time he pulled into the church, the service was already underway. He slipped in, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, but several heads from the back rows still turned toward him, first with curiosity, and then disapproval. He'd take care to wear black, but now that he thought about it, perhaps black jeans, a black t-shirt, and a black leather jacket were not the most appropriate attire in this situation. He could only imagine what he looked like to this church-going crowd—less like someone attending a funeral and more like someone going to a Black Sabbath concert, which, to be fair, is what he looked like most of the time. Even the photo of Mrs. Cunningham set by the lectern, surrounded by white chrysanthemums, seemed to be glaring at him.

Ignoring those looks of consternation, Eddie found a pew at the very back and gingerly sat down, while still scanning the front for Chrissy. He knew the back of her head and her neck so well that he was certain he could pick her out even from behind. But there was no sign of her blond head. Perhaps she had decided to skip the funeral altogether. Given the relationship between her and her mother, Eddie couldn't exactly blame Chrissy. That didn't stop him from feeling a sense of anticlimax though. Where would she be?

Eddie noticed that no family member stepped up to give a speech. Of course, Chrissy's brother, who had been kicked out by her parents at eighteen for being gay, wouldn't be there either. At the lectern, the pastor was droning on about what a kind and generous soul Mrs. Cunningham was and how bravely she had endured tragedy and hardship in the last few years of her life, and Eddie had to fight the urge to snort. Yes, such a kind and generous woman that neither of her children was present at her funeral.

Finally, the service was over, and people started filing out and headed to the cemetery. There was a bit of a traffic jam at the door as they stopped to shake hands with the family. Eddie hung back a little to see if Chrissy was there, but he only saw a woman whose resemblance to Mrs. Cunningham suggested she was a sister or at least a cousin, and standing next to her was the last person he'd expected to see.

Jason Carver.

Despite looking a little thicker around the middle and with a bit of a receding hairline, Jason didn't seem to have changed much since high school. The smug look on his face and the instant loathing Eddie felt upon seeing it were exactly the same as well. What the fuck was Jason Carver doing here? Last Eddie heard, he was married and living in Bloomington. Unless... unless... a terrible possibility formed in Eddie's mind. Two years was a long time. A lot could have changed.

Eddie hesitated, half wanting to slip away so he wouldn't have to interact with Jason, half wanting to interrogate Jason on what he was doing here and where the hell Chrissy was. Just as he was wavering at the exit, he felt a prod at his back, and a woman behind him hissed, "Move along!" He stumbled forward and found himself face-to-face with Jason.

"Eddie Munson?" Jason's mouth dropped. "What on Earth are you doing here?"

"Carver." Eddie nodded with what he hoped was a nonchalant air and deliberately ignored Jason's question. "Didn't know you were in town."

"We just happened to be visiting my parents when I heard the news from Chris—Chrissy. I thought she could use some help."

"So where is she?"

Jason's eyes narrowed as if he thought Eddie wasn't allowed to ask after Chrissy, but he answered anyway, "She wasn't feeling well and decided to stay home. This is very hard on her, you know. First her dad, now her mom. They were close."

Eddie stared at Jason, astonished that despite being with Chrissy for less than ten months, he'd known more about her than this fool ever did after having dated her throughout high school. His fear of Chrissy getting back with Jason seemed ridiculous now. He turned away, got into his rental car, and drove to the Cunningham's house.

***

Eddie drove down Poplar Tree Road, past the horrible cookie-cutter McMansions with their tiny lawns and huge garages that had sprung up all over this side of town in the nineties, until he came to Chrissy's house at the older end of the street. It still looked the same as he remembered from Thanksgiving two years ago, even from the time he'd driven her home after that night they'd spent in his trailer, all the way back in high school, with its unfriendly faux-stone façade that reminded him of Mrs. Cunningham's perpetual thin-lipped, disapproving look.

There was no car in the driveway. He rang the doorbell, then knocked. For a bewildering moment, he wondered if Jason had lied and Chrissy wasn't home after all. Just as he reached for the handle to see if the door was locked, it opened, and there she was.

Eddie's heart skipped a beat. He had been so focused on seeing her at the funeral and so worried when she didn't show up, that he hadn't prepared himself for seeing her like this, in such a normal setting, like no time had passed at all. Relief and joy and agony fought inside him, weakening his limbs.

At first glance, she, too, seemed unchanged. Her hair was longer now, pulled back into a low bun, almost like the ponytail she'd sported in high school, and for a second, Eddie was transported back to '86, back to the woods behind Hawkins High, when Chrissy had looked up at him with those blue, blue eyes. Even the expression in her eyes was the same. It tugged at his heart and made him want to scoop her up into his arms and tell her everything was going to be okay, because he was here.

But that vulnerable look was only there for an instant. It quickly disappeared, replaced first by surprise and then by an unnatural, blank calmness, and Eddie felt his heart falter.

"Eddie?" she said, and if he hadn't been watching her so closely, if he hadn't dreamed of seeing her again every night for the past two years, he would've missed the slight quiver in her voice. "What are you doing here?"

"Wayne called and let me know. Why didn't you tell me?"

She took a moment to answer. "I thought you were on tour."

"We just finished our last US show." So she knew they were on tour. She still cared.

"Did you come here all the way from LA?"

"Yeah. I'm going back on Sunday."

Chrissy let out a small "Oh" before they lapsed into an awkward silence.

"I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have come—" he began.

"No, it's fine. I appreciate it," she said stiffly. Then, realizing they were still standing at the door, she stepped back. "Come in."

Eddie followed her into the living room. He noticed that Chrissy was wearing a black dress, but the matching jacket was thrown haphazardly on the couch, and there was a rather sad-looking bouquet of white lilies on the table.

"Why weren't you at the funeral?" he asked.

She turned to him, that haunted, frightened look back in her eyes. "I was getting ready to go," she said, picking up the lilies and trying to rearrange them, her fingers twitching restlessly. "But my dress—the fit isn't right—and these lilies I bought to put in the casket—they wilted—she wouldn't like that—she always wanted everything to be perfect—and I just couldn't—I couldn't—" The flowers dropped from her hands, her face crumpled, and she burst into choking, wrenching sobs.

Eddie was beside her in a flash. He took her hands in his, and when that wasn't enough, he pulled her into his arms, cradling her head on his chest. "Shh, it's OK," he murmured. "It's OK. It's OK."

Chrissy clung to him, her hot tears soaking through his shirt, and slowly, her trembling subsided, and her sobs quieted. He lifted her chin. "She's gone. It doesn't matter what she thought anymore," he said. "And for what it's worth, I think you're perfect, Chrissy Cunningham."

She looked at him, and he could see something else was unchanged too—the trust and love in her eyes, eyes that had lit up his world and guided him through all those long, disheartening years, even before they had gotten together, before he knew what she would come to mean to him. His fears and doubts vanished, and, leaning down, he kissed her. 

As soon as their lips met, all the grief and the longing of the past two years melted away, disappeared into the blaze that erupted between them with all the suddenness and intensity of a wildfire. Their hands were all over each other, his cupping her face, hers curled into his lapels, as they drank each other in like two people dying of thirst. No matter how hard he crushed her to him, she would press back harder, until she stumbled backward and landed on the couch, pulling him down on top of her. Her skirt rode up. Eddie pushed it further up and twisted his fingers into the elastic band at her hips, yanking it down. The feel of her hips writhing under his hands drove him to distraction, so much so that he couldn't even undo his belt, not wanting to move away from her. Luckily, Chrissy noticed his fumbling and lent a helping hand.

But the couch was too small. Her left leg and his right arm were squeezed against the back, and if they tried to make room for each other, they were in danger of falling off. With a growl of frustration, Eddie sat up and swung Chrissy into his lap so she was straddling him. Much better. Only her dress was in the way. He tugged impatiently at it, heedless of the ripping sound, until it was off her shoulder, and he buried his face between her breasts while she braced her palms against the back of the couch and rolled her hips toward him. He lifted himself to meet her.

When their bodies finally connected, Chrissy let out a choked cry, and Eddie almost cried out in relief as well. He'd missed her, but he hadn't known how much until now.

It had never felt like this between them. Even their last night together, over two years ago, had been slow and dreamy, tinged with the bittersweet note of heartbreak, not this savage, desperate clawing at each other's clothes, not this panting, gasping need to get closer and closer until they were one. He no longer knew where or who he was. All he knew was her—her skin silken and scorching in his palms, her lips quivering in his mouth, her arms and legs wrapping tightly around him, her hips moving so in sync with his that he couldn't tell where she ended and he began.

When the release came, it was messy and clumsy and wrong, and it felt so, so right.

Eddie didn't know how long they remained on the couch afterward, with his arms around her and her head on his chest, while their matching breaths and heartbeats slowed and became their own again. After what felt like either an eternity or no time at all, Chrissy spoke. "Eddie," she said, and he almost cried again at the sound of his name in her voice, the whisper of her breath against his skin. "That was—"

"—amazing," he said, placing a gentle kiss on her lips that soon became not so gentle anymore.

When they drew apart again, he brushed some strands of sweat-damp hair away from her forehead and thought, even with her tear-stained cheeks, swollen lips, and half-torn dress, or perhaps precisely because of those things, she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

"Yes, it was, but..." As soon as the word "but" was out of her mouth, his heart went cold. "But it doesn't mean—"

"Please don't say that it doesn't mean anything," he said, tightening his grip around her.

"No." She placed her hand on his chest and looked at him with such tenderness that his heart turned over. "But it doesn't mean what you want it to mean either."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

She didn't answer right away. She moved off his lap, pulled her dress up, and smoothed her hair back without looking at him. He adjusted his clothes as well, feeling strangely chilled and lonely. That all-consuming fire between them was gone.

"You should go," Chrissy said. "My aunt may come back here from the cemetery to check on me." So the woman he'd seen at the funeral was Mrs. Cunningham's sister. "And Jason too," Chrissy added.

Hearing her say Jason's name so casually stirred up some unaccustomed emotions inside Eddie. Anger? Jealousy? At the church, he had been sure Chrissy couldn't have gotten back with Jason. He was not so sure now.

"Are you—you and him—" He knew he had no right to ask. He and Chrissy had broken up; whatever she did or whoever she chose to see was her own business. He hated himself for even asking, yet he couldn't stop the question.

"Don't be ridiculous. He's married, remember? He and his wife are in Hawkins visiting his folks, and he's been kind enough to help me with the funeral arrangements, that's all."

So you trust him enough to tell him about your mother's death, but not me, Eddie thought, but what he said was, "You got all your exes lined up pretty conveniently, don't you?"

"What do you mean?" Chrissy asked, her face wary.

"Well, there's Jason helping with the funeral, and here's me for—what? A quickie on your couch?" He didn't know where the vitriol was coming from. Perhaps he was hurt that Chrissy had not turned to him in her hour of need. Perhaps he was hurt that she could push him away so coldly and matter-of-factly, after what they'd just had.

Chrissy's eyes were like two blue crystals. "Don't try to be nasty, Eddie," she said, expressionless. "It doesn't suit you."

Eddie looked away. Hot shame rose within him. He'd come back to comfort Chrissy, yet the moment she didn't swoon at his feet, he threw a tantrum like an overgrown toddler.

"What do you want from me?" Chrissy continued, when he remained silent. "My mom just died. Did you expect me to throw my arms up in the air to celebrate and then ride off into the sunset with you?"

"No!" Eddie shouted, though that was exactly what he had expected. "I just wanted to—to comfort you!"

"I don't need your comfort," she said, her jaws set.

Her words lashed at him like a whip. He was reminded all too vividly of her words when she broke up with him, when she'd chosen to stay in Hawkins instead of going with him to LA. I can't keep letting you fight for me. They still smarted, after these two years.

"But you need Jason's help, is that it?"

She flinched. "That was different."

"How?"

"He doesn't—I don't—" She picked up her jacket, then threw it back down again, unable to find the right words.

Eddie jumped up from the couch and seized her arms. "You don't have to be strong all the time, you know. Why can't you just let me take care of you? I want to! I want—" And because he didn't know what else to do, how else to show her, because he still wanted her, all of her, so much he could hardly bear it, he kissed her again. For a moment, her mouth opened and her body melted into his, and all the hurt was forgotten once more—

"Chris?" Jason's voice rang out across the foyer.

Chrissy pushed Eddie away just as Jason stepped into the living room. "You OK? The front door's open—" He paused upon seeing the two of them, their faces crimson like two teenagers caught by a parent. Jason's handsome features hardened as his eyes bore into Eddie. "Munson? What are you doing here?"

"Leaving," Eddie muttered and staggered to the door without a look back. He didn't want to see Jason succeed where he had failed—in comforting Chrissy.

Coming back was a mistake. There was nothing left for him here.

Chapter 2

[rpf-bat]

For the late night asks:

“…I thought you forgot about me.” “I’m sorry. Today has been… a lot and I– I wish I could have called you sooner.” Johnny/Joel or Johnny/Samy

Sorry this ended up taking a day or two. 😅 It’s Johnny/Samy, and it’s 981 words.

Johnny sat listlessly on the couch and stared at his phone, wishing that it would ring. Samy was in Laukaa tonight, a three-hour drive away. His band was opening for Children of Bodom at the Peurunka Areena.

I should be happy for him, Johnny thought with a guilty frown. That’s a huge venue. Probably one of the biggest venues Lost Society has ever played. I should be grateful to Alexi, for giving them that opportunity.

Instead, Johnny was feeling lonely. This was the first night of a tour across Finland, that would take Samy away from home for the next four weeks.

Come on, Joonas, he reminded himself. It’s not like this is the first tour he’s gone on, since you started dating him.

It was, however, the first tour he’d gone on, since Johnny’s own band had broken up.

In the past, their tours had often overlapped. Johnny couldn’t be lonely, when he was also on the road every night, with his three best friends. And his travels often took him further away. Santa Cruz had been to the US three times, while Lost Society had only been there once.

But even when there was a 13-hour time difference between us, Johnny sulked, I still called him after every show.

Maybe it was his pride that was hurting. He was the older of the two men, and up until recently, he’d been the one with the more successful career.

But now I have no career at all.

When he’d come home from the airport, with a broken nose and a broken spirit, Samy had assured him that it would be fine - that he could provide for the both of them, until Johnny got back on his feet. That had been seven months ago, and Johnny still had no idea what he was doing with his life.

Instead, he’d thrown himself into the role of the doting boyfriend. Waking up early every morning to cook Samy breakfast. Cleaning the house while Samy was away at band practice. Making sure his guitars were tuned perfectly, just in case he wanted to practice some more when he got home.

His whole life for the last half a year had revolved around Samy, because he had nothing else left anymore. And now Samy was gone, and he had no idea what to do with himself.

What was your plan, anyway? Johnny asked himself, wanting to tear out his long hair. Be his stupid little house-husband forever? You should be looking for a real fucking job, and….

He was stunned out of his self-loathing thoughts, when the phone suddenly rang.

“I…I thought you forgot about me,” he confessed in a tired whisper.

“I’m sorry,” Samy sighed, on the other end of the line. “Today has been…a lot, and I..I wish I could’ve called you sooner.”

“What happened?” Johnny asked.

Samy sounded stressed out - not euphoric, like he usually did, after a good show. Johnny wanted to kick himself, for only thinking about his own problems, and assuming that his boyfriend was having the time of his life without him.

“My head hurts so bad,” Samy complained. “It was difficult to get through our set, when I was in so much pain. But, I didn’t want to disappoint our fans.”

“Are you coming down with something?” Johnny wondered, concerned.

“No,” Samy insisted. “That’s not it.”

“Then….what is it?”

“I’ve been trying to, um…to not drink before shows anymore,” Samy explained.

“What?” Johnny blinked. “Really?”

He and Samy had been drinking buddies, since….well, since before Samy could even legally drink. They’d attended countless parties together, and always staggered home together happily, leaning on each other for support. The first time they’d hooked up, had been after a night of drinking. So had the second. It had only been after the third time, when they were both sober, that they’d actually talked things out, and decided to start a serious relationship.

Drinking was just part of the Finnish music scene’s culture, and up until recently, he had never really questioned it.

“I thought I could just stop, and it would be fine,” Samy went on. “But, I feel like shit. My stomach has been upset all day, and I’m sweating like a pig. My heart feels like it’s going to burst.”

“Those are withdrawal symptoms,” Johnny realized. He’d seen them before, when he’d poured Archie’s stash of booze down the sink in their hotel bathroom.

“I didn’t think you could have withdrawal from beer!” Samy confessed. “I thought that was something that only happened to people who did, like, hardcore drugs and stuff.”

“It’s a drug, like any other,” Johnny shrugged. A drug he himself hadn’t been able to kick.

“I don’t know if I’m strong enough, to keep doing this,” Samy admitted. “Maybe I should’ve waited until after the tour ends, to make any big changes to my lifestyle. I mean, everyone else is partying right now, and I kinda feel left out. You know how Alexi and Janne are.”

“If you can’t do it,” Johnny assured him, “I’ll still love you just the same, Samy. I never asked you to quit.”

“I know you didn’t,” Samy sighed softly. “But…I just don’t ever want to disappoint you, like he did.”

“Who?” Johnny blinked. “Archie?”

“Yeah,” Samy replied. “His drinking got out of control, and he couldn’t be the frontman his band needed him to be anymore. Honestly, the idea of losing my band someday terrifies me.”

“You’re nothing like him!” Johnny cried. “You never will be. You’re a happy drunk, Samy. You don’t go around punching people when you’ve had a few too many, and you’ve never been late to a gig, or…”

“Still.” Samy interrupted him. “I…I just want to be the man that you deserve.”

“Honestly,” Johnny mumbled, his eyes misty, “Sometimes I think I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you.”

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

OOR 2001 - Nr 8 - Rammstein interview

Rammstein <Germans have a very good sense of humor>

Rammstein: those are boring, surly men, who take themselves too seriously and even are perhaps a little 'wrong'. You would think. But with the release of the third album Mutter, singer Till Lindemann and drummer Christoph Schneider prove that Germans do have a sense of humor. "Only... we don't laugh."

by Robert Heeg

Actually, Rammstein's entire career is a joke. Or at least a bizarre twist of fate. Born and raised in the GDR, Lindemann, Schneider, keyboardist Flake Lorenz, bassist Oliver Riedel and guitarists Paul Landers and Richard Kruspe despite state censorship managed to develop into stubborn punks with their own vision on hard music. Only in '93, long after the fall of the wall, did they convert their ideas into the total concept Rammstein. In addition to hard industrial metal with a gothic touch, this concept also includes a well-oiled show in which sweaty male bodies and stunts with fire play a leading role. Despite international aspirations, the mother tongue was retained. That did not stop the albums Herzeleid ('95) and Sehnsucht ('97) from being very successful. Even in the US, entire tribes sing along at the top of their lungs during the performances. It must be a great victory for the six 'Ossies'. Can you therefore blame Rammstein for using images from the propaganda film Triumph of the Will, by Hitler's court filmmaker Leni Riefenstahl, in a video clip.

How does Mutter differ most from its two predecessors?

Till: "We used more acoustic instruments and recorded a string orchestra 'live' for the first time. We also worked on the mix for a very long time. We even broke off a mix because the album started to sound too much like Sehnsucht. We were looking for a more modern sound"

The official biography says that no one sounds like Rammstein, but I definitely recognize that rigid sound of Die Krupps...

Christoph: "Yes, of course. And there are more bands with which we have something in common. In that bio they are probably referring to the combination of show and German-language singing."

Till: "Especially that German thing, yes. Most acts sing in English, which sounds much rounder than German. So we do offer something new internationally."

The lyrics on Mutter seem less harsh, slightly more personal. Is there a thematic shift?

Till: "You should interpret them the way you want. Use your imagination. I do believe that they are less abstract than before, they have become clearer stories. However, we try to stick to our well-known style."

If you used to express yourself in macho rhetoric such as: 'Wollt ihr das Bett in Flammen sehen', you now cry for Mutter. Back to the womb?

Christoph: "Mutter is simply the word that fits the mood of the record, you don't have to look for any special meaning behind it. Inspiration can really come from anywhere: personal experiences, magazines, a book, a good film... It makes It doesn't matter. It can also happen if you happen to get your finger stuck in the electrical socket. Anything."

Is this a democratic band or are there members who have more influence?

Christoph: "It is quite a democratic whole. And that does not always make it easy when you are in a hurry. Fortunately, there is also a producer [Jacob Hellner] who makes decisions every now and then. It is also a lot more productive that we now sometimes work in smaller teams. If there are six of us, there is always someone who disagrees with something."

Till: "It is good to learn that you occasionally have to defer to the majority opinion. After three or four weeks it often turns out that the consensus was the basis for the right decision. It is essential that you share everything as a band: equal rights, equal duties. It has been my experience that when someone feels underexposed in a band, they usually leave."

Would Rammstein be over then?

Christoph: "It's like cutting off an arm. We would continue, but it would be very different."

In interviews the band members sometimes come across as a bit rigid. You rarely allow yourself to be lured out of your tent.

Christoph: "That depends on how someone responds to us and our texts. Every journalist does that in his own way, and we respond to that. But I know that we are considered difficult. Whether it is photographers, cover designers or people at the record company, they experience us as difficult. That is because we have a very strong opinion about how things should sound and look. We don't compromise well."

This also applies to the language...

Till: "Yes, why should we? Words are free."

And you were also right, in America people sang along with complete lyrics.

Christoph: "Well, at least they tried, haha. In any case, we had a good time with their attempts. They looked like teenagers going to their first pop concert, not having fully understood the lyrics, but still trying to sing along. Very amusing."

You guys have something special with America. Did that start when David Lynch used two of your songs for his film Lost Highway?

Christoph: "That was our first contact with America. It made us a bit known and gave us the opportunity to perform there. However, it was very difficult to make the right contacts and bring Sehnsucht there. We only managed that in '98."

American record companies are traditionally skeptical of European acts. Especially when they stubbornly continue to sing in their native language.

Till: "If you hang around somewhere in the middle, that is certainly true, yes. But once you are successful, you can do just about anything there. The most idiosyncratic acts are often the most successful."

Idiosyncrasy is also often poorly understood. For example, you are often associated with the extreme right. You went one step further by using fragments of Leni Riefenstahl films in the video for the Depeche Mode cover Stripped.

Christoph: "We have never really understood that prejudice. In our opinion, it is not demonstrable. In interviews we have often said that we have nothing to do with it. We are busy discovering our own German music and creating our own German band , and we have mentioned many things that have to do with our culture. We are getting quite tired of the allegations. People simply have an opinion about us, no matter how often we contradict those prejudices through the media. The only thing we can do now all that's left is to just continue making music. If you follow us a bit, you know that we have nothing to do with the right. For the people who still need an explanation, we have included the song Links 234 on the album. Listen to that."

Is your sense of humor and sarcasm underestimated?

Till: "Oh, you either understand us or you don't. There is no in between. You either love us or you hate us. The fans understand our intentions."

Christoph: "The problem is that people are always presented with something that is ready-made. But as soon as they have to interpret something for themselves, think for themselves, they have a problem. You do have your own opinion, right? Then don't ask me what you have to think about it. I can't explain it either."

Don't you secretly cherish those different reactions a little?

Till: "If people think we are really bad, that is of course often annoying and questionable. But it is indeed better than not arousing any reactions at all."

Christoph: "It did surprise us, but it has become part of us."

You also evoke reactions with the show. For the stunt with the dildo, you were even held in an American cell for a couple of hours in '98.

Christoph: "Americans are easily shocked by things that we consider very normal here. But for those involved it was certainly not a pleasant incident, I can assure you. Perhaps Till would like to say something about that."

Till: "We don't do something like this with premeditation. We mainly do a show like that for fun and to illustrate the music. That makes it a bit more pleasant for us on stage, because at least something happens and time goes by faster, haha. And the audience is grateful that there is also something to experience visually. It is not our style to deliberately evoke such extreme reactions. It is not as if we plan it, it just happens naturally."

And yet... Does that rebelliousness have nothing to do with your GDR youth? Is the animal out of the cage now?

Christoph: "That is probably innate, yes. In the GDR, of course, nothing was allowed and the music scene was of little significance. We spent our youth and teenage years in the GDR, so it could not have been otherwise or that it left an indelible impression."

Till: "Yet we weren't really rebellious. We just did what we did, also on stage. We just lived it up, and actually we still do. Only later did we realize that it was quite bold to do that in the GDR."

Were you influenced by show bands like Kiss?

Christoph: "Of course. I wasn't that impressed with the music, but I did have the posters hanging. Musically we were more impressed by Udo Lindenberg, AC/DC, Neubauten, the Neue Deutsche Welle. Very few of them actually came to the GDR. But we didn't know any better. If a band came, it would be talked about for another five years. Those performances were incredibly inflated. haha."

Did you feel like second class citizens?

Till: "That was a big problem, yes, because we were constantly looking to the west. I think the worst thing was that we were not allowed to travel. That was really sad. Other than that, life wasn't that bad, just the traveling... ."

Once an Ossie, always an Ossie?

Till: "Certainly. We still live in East Berlin. Due to our extensive travelling, I don't know whether the term Ossie still has the same meaning for us. But it remains our homeland. You carry it with you in your heart. "

Am I wrong or are you parodying the cliché image that foreigners have of Germans?

Christoph: "You might think. Well, we know how people sometimes think about Germany. Never mind, there is little we can do about that."

Till: "We like to exaggerate and that's part of parody. Only... we don't laugh."

Do you think Dutch people understand German humor?

Christoph: "Germans have a very good sense of humor. But let's talk about you, with your Big Brother-Shit! 1)"

--

1) The Big Brother reality tv show format was originated in the Netherlands, first aired in 1999, and had spin-ofs in many other countries around the world

--

List of other Rammstein OOR interviews

[foxybananaaaz]

2k Words

To go to the Title Page, simply click Here.

Lucien Week, Day One :: Exile.

Lucien has had a lot of homes in his life, from Autumn, to Spring, to Night and the human lands. No one place seems quite like home. @lucienweekofficial

Lucien was never truly exiled. Well, technically, he was. He exiled himself. And after the first time, he knew if he went back there would be trouble with his father. His adoptive father(though he didn't know that piece of information).

And sure enough, when he and Feyre traveled up North, on their way to the Night Court, they had to travel through the Autumn Court, because of course Feyre had to go and get herself a Blood Ruby from Tarquin and the Summer Court. So, traveling through the Autumn Court, his brothers found them, and made brought hell down.

Which brings up the second time Lucien exiled himself. Feyre had planned on leaving the Spring Court, and would have left him behind, had it not been for Ianthe. Feyre had stopped what Ianthe was doing, and Lucien caught onto Feyres plans. Lucien decided then that he was going with her. To meet his mate officially, but also to get away from the abuse of Ianthe, as well as... as well as Tamlin.

But his brothers were bringing down hell, right at the border to Winter Court. If only they could cross the border, then perhaps Kallias would feel that sons of the Autumn High Lord attacking the Cursebreaker and her friend(coincidentally also a son of the High Lord of Autumn) in his court, and come to put a stop to it.

But Feyre and Lucien never made it to the Border. Instead, two winged lesser fae flew in, and it was around then then Lucien learned that Feyre was High Lady of the Night Court. Which was shocking to say the least.

Lucien didn't say anything, least of all object, when the short haired male picked him up, and flew off, away from his brother's, and assumably back to the Night Court.

The third time Lucien exiled himself was from the Night Court. It wasn't a full exile though. He still worked for Rhysand, as Emesary to the Human Lands. He had to report in every so often. Then he was invited by Feyre to holidays, which meant, he had to go. Usually invitations were a choice. But not when Feyre was the one giving them out. Not when Rhysand stood behind her, with his power.

So no. It wasn't a full exile. But he had to move away. He was so conflicted with the damned mate bond(the guilt at calling the thing damned crept up, making him feel horrible), was eating away from him. Elain wanted nothing to do with him. He understood why. But he would remain patient, and respect her boundaries.

But he found himself longing for her, dreaming about her. But he also found his guilt towards Jesminda growing increasingly by the day, as he thought of Elains beauty, or the sound of her voice would take his attention away from whoever was talking to him.

He found himself forgetting what Jesminda looked like. What colour was her hair? He tried to picture it, but all he saw were Elains golden brown curls. He tried to remember her eye colour, but saw Elains doe brown eyes. He was sure he remember Jesmindas laugh. Because Elain never laughed around him. They were both equally uncomfortable with this bond.

Maybe one day... No. No, he can't let himself hope. So many times he'd been let down after hoping. He's lost now three homes because of hope.

So Lucien semi exiled himself from the Night Court to go live in the Human Lands with his friends Jurian and Vassa.

The fourth, and final time Lucien exiled himself, was from the human lands. Again, this would be a semi exile, because Jurian and Vassa would still be his friends. But this was after they broke Vassas curse. The three, named the Band of Exiles were so relieved that Vassa was finally free. That she was the Queen of the human lands on Prythian.

They had celebrated, and Feyre and her family had come to congratulate Vassa, and offer her a home up in the Night Court, but Vassa outright refused. She was to remain in the human lands, she was their Queen. It was then, that she announced that Jurian would be their king, as the two were set to marry.

Lucien was excited for his friends. Though as the wedding drew closer, the more he felt like he was intruding. Sure he lived here too, but his friends were to be wed, and would then wish to start a family, and he would just be the extra male hanging around off to the side.

Perhaps she sensed something through the bond, or just had a vision, he didn't know. But on his next visit to the Night Court, after the day spent working with Rhysand, he was shocked frozen when he heard a soft voice call his name.

Unable to move, he heard his name called again. He hadn't heard his name, fall from those lips in, well in years. And suddenly she spoke it twice?

He heard her forming the L in his name again, and afraid he would not be able to hear his name a third time, he forced himself to move, to turn around, but could not bring himself to speak. Though he did nod his head in greeting, while swallowing thickly.

Quietly, she walked over to him, touched his arm(touched, his arm!)and whispered to him that he did in fact, have somewhere to go. How did she- oh right. The bond.

She looked away—toward the windows. “I can hear your heart,” she said quietly.

He wasn’t sure how to respond, so he said nothing, and drained his tea, even as it burned his mouth.

“When I sleep,” she murmured, “I can hear your heart beating through the stone.” She angled her head, as if the city view held some answer. “Can you hear mine?”

He wasn’t sure if she truly meant to address him, but he said, “No, lady. I cannot.”

Of course. She was more intuitive to his thoughts and feelings than he was hers.

Suddenly she shook his arm, pulling him out of memories, and internal thoughts. Shaking his head, he apologized.

Again, Elain told him, that he did have somewhere to go, if he did not wish to come back here. But before Elain would tell Lucien where that was, she gently took hold of his arm more firmly, and led him over to somewhere he could sit.

Gently pushing him to sit down, she took the seat across from him. And when they were both sitting, Elain, his mate, the beautiful, sweet Elain, gave him the most life changing, identity crisis causing news, one could recieve.

How was his father, well, not his father? He was the father to all his brothers, but not him? But then his thoughts shifted, trying to remember, think if there was a time if Helion had ever tried to invite him to his bed. Lucien couldn't remember a time, thank the Mother and the Cauldron.

Elain was speaking again, and Lucien had not been paying attention, and had simply asked her to repeat herself, and had to do so at least five times, his mind reeling over this news.

But by the time he had finally heard what Elain had said, he understood that she would go with him to the Day Court if he wanted her too, to help explain to Helion, and that she is certain Helion would let him stay there after learning the truth. After all, Lucien is the Heir to his court, after all.

And that bit of information, may have spun Lucien more than the news of his father not being his father. He was an Heir, an honest Heir, to a whole Court. When Helion passed, Lucien was to inherit a Court? What would he have done if he had never been told this news, and Helion had passed within the next few days, and all that power transferred to him?

Lucien didn't feel he was good enough to be an Heir. He couldn't be an Heir. But being an Heir, he could have a home at least. He would never be exiled again. And his thoughts of having a home, a true home, where he was wanted. He couldn't stomp out the hope, the hope was too big.

Please Cauldron, don't let this hope be shattered too.

A few months later, He and Elain were standing in front of Helion, his true father, after he had confirmed the story with his mother, which had taken this long. Not that he didn't believe Elain, but he wanted to understand the story, and hear it from his mother. But it was difficult to get her away from his father. But Feyre and Rhysand made it work.

The two of them were not too happy when they learned Elain had told him about his parentage, but he would not allow them to say anything to her about it. Especially when he realized they had known. They had known, for a while, and kept it from him.

But after months of waiting to see his mother, he also told her that he would let Helion know, because the Day Court was his last, and only chance at a place to live, where he would feel both safe, and comfortable. That is, if Helion would let him.

He cherished the hug his mother gave him then, not remembering the last time he had one, and not knowing when the next one would come. She felt too thin under her dress. Her dress that was glamoured to look like she was of a healthy size. But he saw, he always saw how she wasn't, whenever he did get the chance to see her. It was the one and only time he ever cursed that particular ability of his eye.

It was extremely painful to see her being winnowed back to the Autumn Court, back to his father, by Rhysand. He once made a vow to get her away from there, after he had left. He remembered every day, and he still would one day get her away from his father. Away from Beron.

But now, he stands in front of Helion, next to his mate. Something he had never expected. There was no one else from the Night Court here, no need to winnow them in, as Lucien could winnow them here himself.

Luciens nerves eased a bit, seeing humour in Helions eyes. That was until Helion asked if the two of them accepted their mating bond yet. Though standing apart, Lucien felt Elain stiffen, and a quick glance over, saw that her face had gone white.

Anger surged in Luciens' chest. That was an extremely delicate subject, and this... truce? Balance? Whatever this was, neither had mentioned it, despite it soaring and flying, and fluttering at the interactions and communications finally after all these years.

Lucien responded, rather sharply, that they had not, yet even if they had, it would not be Helions business anyway. Though almost the second the words were out of his lips, there was a harsh... tug, at his insides. Had, had Elain done that? Then the tug came again. Clearly, she had done that, and on purpose too. But why, though?

A third tug came, and Lucien glanced over quickly, though Elain had regained colour, and was still looking up at Helion. Lucien then turned to look up at Helion, as his attention went to the tug, and saw the risings of his own anger beginning to rise.

Quickly, Lucien apologized. He explained that this was a stressful, yet important visit, and he should not have taken his stress out on Helion at all, and he was fully wrong for doing so.

Helion then nodded, accepting the apology, motioning them to begin.

In the end, Helion was shocked, but not as shocked as Lucien had been. He was more angry. Angry at Luciens mother for not telling him. Angry at Luciens father for raising him how he did. Angry at Tamlin for how isolated he made Lucien feel Under the Mountain. Angry at Amarantha for taking his eye. Helion was angry at everyone who had ever wronged Lucien.

Helion, normally being so cheerful, and to be honest, flirtatious with nearly everyone, Lucien honestly found him quite terrifying when angry. He was glad he took Elain up on her offer to come along to help him tell Helion.

As Helion was slowing down on his angry rant about everyone who wronged Lucien, Lucien found his voice long enough to mention that his friends were getting married, and he had no where to live after they were married, and if he could-

"Of course. You're my son. You should never have been exiled from anywhere. And fear not. You will never be exiled from here. Welcome Home."

To continue on to Part Two, Click it's title, Adjustments.

So here it is! My submission for Day One :: Exile, for Lucien Vanserra week!!! YES YES YES! How did I do? I did my usual angsty sad, but also some heartwarming happy too. A bit of both!!!

[enternights]

⸻  𝖩𝖮𝖲𝖤𝖯𝖧𝖨𝖭𝖤 ‘ 𝖩𝖮𝖲𝖨𝖤 ’ 𝖪𝖤𝖫𝖫𝖸,  a  twenty six  year  old,  has  survived  another  day  in  red  creek  where  they  have  lived  for  her  whole  life.  the  drama  queen  is  known  for  being  blunt  and  gregarious  and  is  often  associated  with  lipstick  marks  on  glass  rims,  smoke  rising  from  a  blown  out  scented  candle,  hushed  whispers  aired  out  on  a  loudspeaker.  in  a  small  town  where  they  work  as  a  vocalist  at  redstone  bar  word  travels  fast.  it’s  hard  to  keep  a  secret,  and  it  looks  like  the  boogeyman  knows  that  redacted.

𝖮𝖵𝖤𝖱𝖵𝖨𝖤𝖶.

full  name.　josephine ambrosia kelly aliases.　josie ( by everyone ) birthdate.　27th july  (  26  ) hometown.　red creek, mi gender + pronouns.　cis woman + she/her orientation.　bisexual zodiac.　leo occupation.　vocalist at redstone bar face claim.　coco jones parallels.　galinda upland ( wicked ) / holly golightly ( breakfast at tiffany's ) / fujiko mine ( lupin the third ) / gretchen wieners ( mean girls ) / tinkerbell ( peter pan )

𝖠𝖡𝖮𝖴𝖳.

outspoken  and  outgoing,  josie  has  made  a  name  for  herself  as  the  town's  biggest  drama  queen.  known  for  making  a  big  deal  out  of  the  smallest  issues,  she  starts  things  and  never  ends  them  —  she  definitely  would  have  gotten  into  more  trouble  if  not  for  the  fact  that  she's  the  sheriff's  daughter.

growing  up  in  a  home  where  she  wasn't  given  much  attention,  she  knew  she  had  to  look  for  it  elsewhere.  she's  fostered  all  kinds  of  relationships,  to  the  point  where  everyone  has  at  least  one  story  to  tell  about  her,  positive,  negative,  or  otherwise.

a  drama  queen  in  more  ways  than  one.  josie  fell  in  love  with  musical  theater  when  she  was  a  child,  and  from  there  decided  that's  what  she  wanted  to  pursue.  she  went  on  to  attend  a  performing  arts  college  where  she  flourished,  and  for  a  brief  moment  she  truly  believed  that  she  could  make  it.

as  cruel  fate  would  have  it,  josie's  broadway  dreams  went  unrealized.  she  struggled  with  her  career  post-college,  and  after  a  crisis  that  took  a  toll  on  her  mental  health,  she  made  the  ultimate  decision  to  return  home.

for  the  last  few  years,  josie  has  instead  made  use  of  her  talents  as  the  vocalist  of  redstone  bar's  house  band.  it's  not  exactly  where  she  wants  to  be,  but  it's  something.  she  still  clings  on  to  the  hope  that  she  can  leave  red  creek  again,  but  with  every  day  that  passes,  it  slowly  begins  to  fade.

𝖳𝖨𝖣𝖡𝖨𝖳𝖲.

theater  kid  and  baby  it  SHOWS  !  it  gets  annoying  really  quickly  but  you're  legally  required  to  not  be  because  she  misses  the  stage  and  if  she  thinks  about  not  being  able  to  perform  for  too  long  it  will  send  her  down  another  depressive  spiral  ^_^

big  on  astrology  but  doesn't  actually  fully  understand  it.  all  she  knows  is  that  she's  a  leo  so  that  means  pearl  vc  she's  a  starrrrrrr  !  she's  also  the  type  to  put  blind  faith  in  zodiac  compatibilities  so  capricorns  don't  hit  her  up  (  or  do  and  prove  her  wrong  . . .  )

josie  is  the  proud  fur  parent  of  a  teeny  lil  baby  chihuahua  named  pretzel  <3  she  adopted  him  from  a  shelter  in  detroit  about  five  years  ago  and  he  has  3  million  health  problems  and  looks  stupid  as  hell  but  she  loves  him  and  will  fight  anyone  who  looks  at  him  the  wrong  way.

a  hopeless  romantic  . . .  sigh  . . . thinks  everyone  who  looks  at  her  general  direction  is  The  One  and  she  has  no  self-preservation  so  she  gets  her  heart  broken  time  and  time  again  and  the  cycle  will  keep  repeating  forever  until  she  raises  her  standards.  which  is  never.

[threadandlace]

☆ He Makes His Stand- Seamstress for the Band series, part fourteen (4.5k)

☆☆☆ Minors DNI ☆☆☆

Masterlist- to start at the beginning

The ride back to the hotel was agonizing. You and Josh had taken a seat in the back of the bus and Ava had kept the third seat in your row empty by asking Danny to sit with her.

Ava and Danny chatted without a care as Josh got to work on getting you ready for what he had in store. He didn’t dare slip his hand under the waistband of your shorts- not with a whole van full of your friends and coworkers, but he did let his hands get dangerously close to the button as he ran his hands up and down your inner thighs. He’d lean over intermittently when Danny and Ava had turned to face the front, and nip at your neck or leave wet, open-mouthed kisses along the curve of your neck and collarbone. 

You had responded by rubbing your hand along his thigh, but he had quickly stopped you by leaning in to whisper in your ear. “Do not get me hard right now or you’ll regret it,” he whispered and you stopped, instantly frozen. You quickly removed your hand and took a deep breath as you tried to focus on the conversation Ava and Danny were having, Sam inputting his opinions every so often from the front seat. 

As everyone started climbing out of the van, you leaned in to whisper in Josh’s ear, his curls tickling your nose as you moved closer. “Meet me in my room after everyone settles in?” you asked. He squeezed your leg in confirmation before moving towards the door of the bus, turning to offer you a hand as you followed. 

Nobody seemed to notice anything as you loaded into the elevators, Josh keeping a point of contact with you the entire time. Whether it be his pinky trailing against your arm, his shoulder pressed against you, or his leg casually crossed over yours as you leaned back against the side of the elevator, the heat of his touch never left you. That was until he gave your hand a squeeze before walking past you after the group had arrived at your door. You watched him saunter down the hall with the rest of the guys, only turning back to give you a smirk and a wink.

The second you closed the door to your room, you were in a panic. You didn’t want to admit it, but it had been a while since you’d been with someone else and the anxiety you felt bubbling in your chest threatened to ruin what you knew would likely be an amazing night. You didn’t have much time to get caught up in your mind though, because a soft knock on your door slowed the whirlwind of negative thoughts rolling through your brain. And when you opened it up and saw Josh standing there, the thoughts stopped completely, your mind finally quiet.

Josh gave you a smile as he walked in, his nervous energy palpable. You both stood for a moment in the dim light of your room, waiting for the other to make the first move. Josh moved first and closed the space between you, placing his hands on your hips and pulling you into him. “You want this?” he asked quietly, his eyes searching yours. You nodded and he cocked his head. “Words, please,” he chastised lightly and you chuckled before responding. “Yes, Josh. I want this.” He nodded and led you further into your room, his warm hand providing you with a source of grounding.

Josh kissed you again, this time more frantic as his hands started to wander your body. His hands moved slowly though, taking note of every inch of your body as he kissed you with fervor. He tasted sweet, likely the remnants of the glass of wine Jake had ordered for him at dinner which Josh had drank painfully slow as he kept his part of the promise to remain sober (or nearly sober) for tonight. 

His hands found the hem of your shirt and he slid his hand up to gently run his fingertips along your lower stomach. You inhaled a sharp breath before quickly moving to pull your shirt over your head, wanting to get rid of the clothing separating the two of you. Josh mirrored your movements, taking off his own shirt and pressing his chest against yours. You ran your hand down his chest and let your head fall back as he pressed soft kisses down your neck and along your collarbone. 

He carefully slipped two fingers under the strap of your bra, gently removing the strap from your shoulder. He repeated the motion on the other side before reaching back to undo the clasp. His hands moved with dexterity, yet it still took him a moment to undo the latch. As he worked, you kissed along his jaw. You could feel the slight scratch of his facial hair as you moved back to his lips, which were now swollen and pink from your kisses.

Your bra dropped to the floor and Josh took in a sharp breath as his eyes moved to your chest. He stood in awe for a moment before moving to take a breast in each hand. His thumbs moved over your nipples, eliciting a shaky breath from you. He looked up at you and smiled before removing his hands and taking yours. He pulled you behind him further into your room before spinning to face you, one hand moving to grip your hip. 

“Dance with me,” he whispered in your ear. You giggled but obliged, pressing yourself into him and wrapping your arms around his neck as you swayed. His arms wrapped around your waist, his skin warm against yours. Josh buried his head into the crook of your neck, taking a deep breath before pulling away and kissing you deeply. 

You couldn’t wait any more- the feeling of him being so close, yet not close enough was driving you mad. “Josh please,” you whimpered. He nodded and released you from his arms before kneeling in front of you. You watched him as he slowly undid the button of your shorts before pulling the zipper down painfully slow. You were practically vibrating at the feeling of his fingertips lightly touching your skin as he pulled your shorts down. He placed a hand on your hip to steady you as you stepped out of them.

He looked up and smiled at you- it was a soft smile, like the one he greeted you with when you caught each other’s glance in the midst of the chaos backstage. “You’re gorgeous,” he murmured, taking you in. He leaned in to leave open mouthed kisses along your thighs as his hands ran up along the back of your legs. When his mouth reached your hip bone, you reached to pull him up from the ground and pull him in for a kiss.

“I’ve waited this long for this, I’m going to take my time with you,” he said softly as he backed you up to the bed, letting you sit before he pushed you into the mattress. “Do you want me to go slow?” he whispered in your ear as his hand ran up along the inside of your thighs. “Whatever you want, Josh,” you croaked as his hand finally came to rest on your center. 

“No,” he shook his head, “tell me what you want.” You swallowed hard as he moved his hand, providing slight friction against your aching cunt. “I want you, Josh,” you rasped. He smiled at you, this time more of a sly grin. “And you have me,” he replied as he slowly slid your panties to the side, never breaking eye contact with you. 

“Even better than I imagined,” he said softly as he took you in, laying beneath him on the bed. He slowly slid his middle finger up through your folds. You sucked in a breath as you watched him close his eyes, his jaw clenching. He leaned forward to kiss along your jaw as he swirled his middle two fingers around your clit experimentally. “You’re so wet,” he murmured before pressing his mouth back against the warm skin of your neck. “All for you,” you whispered in response. He hummed against your skin as he slowly slid down your body, leaving soft kisses against your skin.

Josh stopped when he was kneeling between your legs. He slid your panties off and tossed them before flopping to his stomach. His hands carefully pulled you forward and he moved your knees to hook over his shoulders. You couldn’t help but smile as you watched him, his face contorted in concentration and pure lust as he looked at what you were sure was a glistening mess. 

“What?” he asked as he looked up to catch your eye, his face softening. “You look really pretty,” you replied and he shook his head before leaning over to kiss the inside of your knee. “This,” he said before dropping down to lick along your folds, “is what’s really pretty.” 

You would’ve rolled your eyes at the cheesiness if he didn’t follow the statement with a lick straight to your clit, the slight roughness of his tongue sending your head back against the bed. He took that as encouragement and did it again before suctioning his mouth over you. 

Josh worked slowly, but with intention. Every move he made had you gasping for air as he coaxed you to orgasm. You reached down to run your hands through his loose curls before he removed one hand from your leg to weave his fingers through yours. The extra connection got you over the ledge and you came hard, Josh’s name falling from your lips as you rode out the waves of pleasure. 

He gave you a moment to breathe before releasing your hand and pushing up off of his stomach. He gave you a crooked smile, his chin soaked with a combination of your wetness and his saliva. Josh cocked an eyebrow at you as you struggled to catch your breath. He wiped his chin before reaching down to run a coarse thumb over your clit, causing your hips to buck. 

“A little sensitive?” he asked, clearly enjoying the slight element of torment. You reached up and pulled him down on top of you in response, enjoying the weight of his body against yours. Your hands found the waistband of his pants and quickly worked to undo the button and hastily push the fabric off of his hips. Josh reached down to help you, tugging his pants the rest of the way off and tossing them to the floor. 

“Shit, I actually need those,” he said as he started to push himself off of you. “What?” you asked, grabbing onto his shoulder to stop him. “I brought a condom. I got it from Sam, I don’t just carry them around, because I haven’t-” he started, speaking quickly. “Josh,” you said and he stopped. “I have an IUD. We don’t need one unless you feel more comfortable with one,” you said and he stopped to look up at you. “Really?” he asked and you nodded. “I want to feel you. All of you,” you whispered as you ran a hand along his jaw. He nodded and leaned in to kiss you.

He kissed you for another moment before moving to kiss along your jaw. “Josh,” you said breathlessly. “Hmmmm,” he hummed against your skin. “I need you. Please,” you whimpered. He pulled back and smiled at you. “Seems to be the word of the night- please,” he chuckled and you rolled your eyes. 

“I can’t lie,” he whispered as he lined himself up with you, “I’ve been waiting for this since the moment I saw you.” “Really?” you asked and he nodded against your neck. “Me too,” you replied quietly as you turned to press a soft kiss against his lips.

 Josh took a deep breath before slowly pushing into you. He bent and groaned against your skin, his body melting into yours. You took in a deep breath as you adjusted to him- you knew he’d be big given you had been up close and personal to his lower half many times, but the ache made you realize you had greatly underestimated his size. 

“You okay? Can I move or do you need a second?” Josh whispered before lifting himself from your chest to look at you. “Give me a second, you’re bigger than I thought,” you answered honestly and he chuckled in response. “Nothing you can’t take,” he whispered in your ear, sending electricity shooting down your spine. A moment later you nodded to him and he moved slowly, easing himself in and out of you carefully. You were able to finish adjusting and the slight pain turned to immense pleasure. 

Everything was slow- his strokes, the way his hands glided along your body, the way his mouth moved against yours. In any other scenario, you’d be screaming for more, but the intimacy you felt was meeting every need you had. All except one- you needed more of him. More of the way he smelled, the way he softly moaned in your ear and against your lips as he hit spots deep inside of you, the way his chest rose and fell against yours. 

“Josh,” you said quietly. He looked up to meet your eyes, “yeah?” You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled yourself up to kiss him. “Please, I need you closer,” you panted and he nodded against your neck before pulling out. You whimpered at the loss of feeling, but his hands never left your body as he moved to lay beside you. 

Josh pulled you against his chest, his arm wrapping around your body as he pulled you closer and kissed your forehead. He lifted your leg up and over his hip before sliding back into you with a heavy sigh. Something about laying next to each other, wrapped in each other’s arms with your chests pressed together felt so right. 

He pushed the hair back from your eyes as you leaned to watch him thrust into you. “Fuck you feel so good,” he rasped as he thrust harder, causing you to let your head fall back against his arm. His hand brushed up against your side, leaving heat lingering in its wake as he moved to caress your face. He was everything you’d ever wanted and more.

Josh’s breathing was picking up, his chest heaving against yours as he struggled to maintain composure. “I don’t, uh, fuck,” he rasped between strokes. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold on,” he admitted, his face contorted as he focused. You leaned in to close the little space between you and kissed him one last time before pulling away and moving the curls from his sweaty forehead. “Cum for me Josh,” you urged.

That was all it took for him to finally let that final wall down. He clutched you to his chest as he came, your name falling from his lips in whispers and grunts as he came inside you. You gave him a moment to finish riding his high before you leaned to kiss him and press your forehead against his. 

Both of you laid like that for a moment, completely overtaken by bliss and basking in the post-sex high. Josh spoke first, breaking the comfortable silence. “That was…” he started before shaking his head against you, “better than amazing.” You couldn’t help but chuckle as you took in the words he had said- for a man that penned some of the most beautiful songs you’d ever heard, he seemed to be falling short of his usual prose. “What?” he asked, his eyes searching yours. “You seem a little less… poetic than usual,” you answered and he chuckled in response. “You left me speechless,” he answered.

Josh leaned down to slowly pull out of you, both of you groaning. “Don’t move,” he said as he stood quickly and headed towards the bathroom. A moment later he emerged with a warm washcloth.

You watched him as he carefully wiped you clean. His brows were furrowed as he concentrated, moving slowly and carefully so as not to overstimulate you. Once he had finished, he sat between your legs, gently running his hands along them. “I don’t know about you, but I think I need a shower. Care to join me?” he asked. His tone let you know he really wanted you to join him, although he’d never force you. “Sure,” you replied with a smile. 

Josh told you not to move until he had the warm water running and held his finger up towards you before running back to the bathroom to start the shower. You giggled as you watched him move quickly, his curls flopping.

A moment later, he emerged and held his hand out for you. “Come on sweet girl,” he said as he helped you up off of the bed. You followed him into the bathroom where steam was starting to accumulate. You entered the walk in shower first, Josh’s hand never leaving your body.

He was constantly connected to you- if he wasn’t gently washing your hair, he had his hand on your jaw as he leaned in to kiss you or his hand was gently placed on your side as you washed his hair. You’d never showered with another person, yet this didn’t feel foreign. Josh’s presence provided comfort and every time he touched you, it left you feeling relaxed and rejuvenated. While you were both naked, you felt a different type of energy between you- not sexual yet it was intimate in a different way.

After you’d both showered, you dried off side by side. “Can I spend the night?” Josh had asked as he watched you put your hair up in a towel. “Please,” was your simple answer. He flashed you a big grin before pulling you in for another kiss- this one was sweet and gave a promise of many more like it in the future. “I’m going to get a change of clothes and brush my teeth then, okay?” he said and you nodded. 

He disappeared back into the room and came back fully clothed. You frowned at the sight. “I’ll shed a few layers when I come back, okay?” he said quietly before leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead. You nodded and he slipped out into the hall. 

You finished getting ready for bed and waited for Josh to get back. You were utterly exhausted yet wired at the same time- you’d never felt this sure of a decision before in your life. You loved Josh, fully and completely, and it was unlike anything you’d ever felt.

The sound of the lock clicking made you sit up in bed. Josh came back into the room and you gave him a bright smile which he returned before walking over to you. 

He bent to press a hand against your face and kiss your forehead. Josh plugged his phone into an extra charger you’d set up on the nightstand for him before removing his shirt. You moved over and opened the comforter up to invite him into the bed and he joined you, pulling you to his chest as he settled into the mattress. He turned to flip the light off before settling in next to you.

Both of you laid quietly for a moment. You listened to his heart beat in his chest, the sound instantly relaxing you. After a moment, Josh took a deep breath before speaking. “I think I love you,” he said quietly, his voice timid. “You think? Or you know?” you asked, your tone clearly not accusatory, but definitely curious. You felt his chest vibrate slightly as he chuckled uncomfortably and he reflected on his statement. “I know. 100%,” he answered, this time confidently. “Good, because I think I may love you,” you replied. You felt his breathing shift and you reached up to move the wet curls away from his face. “Except I know, too,” you finished before pressing a light kiss to his lips.

___________________________________

You woke up to your phone buzzing incessantly on the nightstand. You groaned and turned to reach for it but weren’t able to move- Josh had you clutched to his chest, both arms wrapped around you as he breathed softly in your ear. You gently loosened his grip on you and leaned forward to reach for your phone.

Josh’s phone was the one ringing, not yours. You saw that his brothers had called and texted a few times but you refrained from reading anything and instead put the phone back down before rolling back to face Josh, who was still fast asleep. 

You watched him sleep for a moment, taking comfort in watching his chest rise and fall. His face was relaxed in a way you loved to see- no stress, no pain, no thinking, just pure bliss. He must have felt your eyes on him as he started to stir, his hands reaching out unconsciously to pull you into his chest. 

“Good morning,” he said quietly before pressing a kiss into the top of your head. His voice was low and raspy, laced with exhaustion as he stretched next to you. “Good morning,” you replied as you turned your head to look at him. Sleep was still etched on his face as he smiled at you, relaxed and warm. 

“Last night was…” you started and Josh’s smile widened as he closed his eyes to reminisce. “Long overdue,” he finished your thought. You nodded and rested your head on his chest. “I was also going to say perfect, but that works,” you replied. His chest rose and fell as he chuckled, the sound deep and melodic. “I have to agree. Lots more of that in the future,” he added before pressing another kiss against your forehead and reaching for his phone.

“What’s up? Did you get a call time?” you asked, turning to watch him as he read through the messages on his phone. “Yeah, apparently they told us last night that we need to leave at 10. Totally missed that, was a little preoccupied,” he said with a chuckle. You angled his phone so you could see the time and groaned. “It’s already 9:45? I guess we need to get up,” you said with a sigh and Josh groaned in response before pulling you closer. “Let’s just enjoy this for one moment longer, please,” he begged. You nodded against him, in total agreement. 

_______________________________________

Loud, repetitive knocking on your door woke you up. Josh had also been asleep and groaned as you pulled yourself away from him. He followed you to the door though and wrapped his arm around you as you pulled it open. 

Jake stood in front of you, luggage in hand and a scowl on his face. “You guys are late, get dressed and get downstairs before Em kills both of you,” he said as he thrust Josh’s backpack into his hands before turning on his heel and heading down the hall, pulling his and Josh’s suitcases behind him. 

“Fuck,” Josh whispered as he turned to show you his phone which was displaying the time as 10:15 am. You and Josh hurried to get ready and you packed the rest of your belongings before you both headed down the hall and into the elevator. In one of the last moments of private peace of the day, Josh pulled you into him and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips. You pulled back as the elevator doors opened, reaching out to squeeze his hand slightly before walking out to the bus.

“Glad you could join us,” Emily said as you both climbed onto the wardrobe bus. She was clearly irritated, but the smile she gave you indicated she wasn’t as angry as she appeared. “You two sit and we can finally get on our way,” she said as she headed off the bus in a whirlwind, clipboard in hand.

You took your regular spot and Josh sat on the bench closest to you, giving you a smile before reaching out to squeeze your hand. You both looked over at Sam who was stretched out on the bench across from both of you. He gave you and Josh a smile before settling back into the pillows on the bench and starting to scroll on his phone. “Fucking finally,” he said, almost to himself as he settled in for the short ride to the venue. You turned to look at Josh who just shrugged.

The day moved slowly, the way it always seemed to when you had to get to a venue early. Today was different though- Josh, who was always by your side anyway, was even closer to you the entire time. He was always touching you, whether it be his hand gently wrapped over yours or his leg stretched out to gently rest against yours as you sat on the floor of his dressing room, both of you enthralled in your own separate projects. Things felt the way they always had, albeit a bit different. You were comfortable, basking in the love that was pouring out of Josh and returning it back to him.

When Emily stuck her head in and called for Josh to make his way to the stage, your heart swelled from the excitement you felt over getting to share this amazing, talented person with those gathered in the venue that night. He looked good, as he always did, but the red jumpsuit seemed to cling to him more perfectly than you remembered. Something about seeing the man you loved in something you created filled you with a sense of euphoria unmatched by anything else.

Josh pulled you out into the hallway, the rest of the band and various parts of their team waiting to walk the short distance to the staging area. Josh pulled you into him and pressed a gentle, but passionate kiss against your lips, his head tilting to rest his forehead against yours before he pulled back. He gave you a grin before squeezing both of your hands and heading down the hallway, seemingly floating on a sea of red sequins and sparkles. 

You turned to look at the rest of the group. Most people looked a little shocked, although the smiles you saw from the rest of the band, as well as Emily and Ava, seemed to confirm that they knew that this was coming. Josh had simply made his stand, claiming you as his person before heading down the hall to perform and enchant the masses like any other day. 

~fin~

Thank you to everyone who has been reading along and enjoying this little story I've grown so attached to! I truly appreciate all the love and support, and knowing at least a few people have tuned in means so much to me!

You can expect some spin-off's in this seamstress universe, as they're already in the works! I feel like Ava and Sam need a chance to have their side of the story told, and I promise Danny has his time coming! I also have the title card and outline for a special 16th part to Seamstress, so hopefully one day that can come together!

Sorry for the late post, but I hope I was able to wrap things up nicely for y'all!

____________________________________________

much love to my forever editor: @joshs-jonch

taglist: @eyelinerjake @radmads-gvf @gretavansara @everyglowinthetwilightknows

[lords-of-mayhem]

I dunno where my other question disappeared so just in case, redoing it

Faust x Fenriz x Occultus

How do you see their relationship chemistry would be like if they were poly and dating ✨

Yeah, absolutely! (Just to let you know, I do have a Fenriz/Faust/Occultus request, so if you sent that one, I did get it <3) Here are some headcanons about them :)

-Fenriz and Occultus are an established couple for a while before Faust ever joins. They've been a couple for about as long as they've known each other and this leads Faust to feeling really guilty about liking them. (He starts liking Occultus first.)

-Occultus is the one who brings up Faust joining first. It's a little rough in the beginning as they're all trying to find their place. Faust feels a bit like an outsider at first, but they all eventually get settled into the relationship.

-Fenriz is often the one that keeps them out of trouble the most. Admittedly, he's more likely to make bad choices when he's with both of them, but he's usually pretty good at keeping them from hurting themselves or somebody else. Especially when they've been drinking.

-One of their favorite date nights are when they find a show and they all go to it. All of them really enjoy shows and they're always trying to find new bands to watch. Occultus is the best at finding new ones.

-They don't fight very often, but when they do, the third partner usually stays out of it. They don't want it to ever feel like they're ganging up against one or the other. It also just makes them feel bad to choose sides.

-Cuddling is a frequent activity for them, although it was a bit awkward for them to figure out in the beginning. Now, they all take turns being in the middle. (Often times, it's Fenriz because he stays the warmest and it's nice to cuddle up to him.)

-Occultus' favorite joke in the entire world is saying, "it's not what it looks like!" whenever one of them sees him kissing the other. He thinks it's the funniest thing every time.

-Too Sweet is a song that fits them very well.

"It can't be said I'm an early bird, it's ten o'clock before I say a word. Baby, I can never tell, how do you sleep so well? You keep telling me to live right, to go to bed before the daylight. But then you wake up for the sunrise, you know you don't gotta pretend. Baby, now and then, don't you just wanna wake up dark as a lake? Smelling like a bonfire, lost in a haze. If you're drunk on life, babe, I think it's great."

-They spend the most time at Occultus' apartment just because it has the most space for them. They've practically all moved in there pretty early into Faust joining them.

-They all tease each other relentlessly, it's basically a love language at this point.

-They touch each other a lot. Faust initiates contact most then Occultus and then Fenriz. It actually takes Fenriz a while to get used to a lot of contact because he wasn't really used to it before dating them. Even now, they're pretty much the only people he lets touch him that often.

[djmossback]

Spacebar 07/20/24

Third Space Saturday

The Tracks

2100 hrs

Brothers Johnson, Strawberry Letter 23 (12 Inch)

Grace Jones, I Need A Man (12 Inch)

Junie Morrison, Techno-Freqs (12 Inch)

Wire, Ahead (12 Inch)

KC and The Sunshine Band, I’m Your Boogie Man (LP cut)

Judas Priest, Metal Gods (LP cut)

George Clinton, Do Fries Go With That Shake (12 Inch)

One Way, Cutie Pie (12 Inch EP cut)

Beastie Boys, She’s Crafty (LP cut)

Booker T. & The MG’s, Hip Hug-Her (LP cut)

Average White Band, Pick Up The Pieces (LP cut)

Foreigner, Urgent (12 Inch)

ZZ Top, Cheap Sunglasses (LP cut) (2200 hrs)

Emotions, Best Of My Love (LP cut)

Michael Jackson, Rock With You (7 inch)

Sanford and Townsend Band, Smoke From A Distant Fire (LP cut)

Dazz Band, Let It Whip (7 inch)

Gap Band, Outstanding (LP cut)

Robert Palmer, You Are In My System (7 inch)

Roots Manuva, Again & Again (12 Inch)

Sade, Hang On To Your Love (12 Inch)

Dillinger, Cokane In My Brain (7 inch)

Simple Minds, Don’t You Forget About Me (12 Inch)

Vince Staples, Norf Norf (LP cut)

Flying Lizards, Money (That’s What I Want) (LP cut)

Dry Cleaning, Scratchcard Lanyard (7 inch)

Mary Jane Girls, In My House (12 Inch)

Donna Summer, I Feel Love (12 Inch)

Berlin, The Metro (7 inch)

DEVO, Snowball (7 inch)

Tilt, Arcade Funk (12 Inch)

Eddy Grant, Electric Avenue (LP cut)

Toni Basil, Mickey (7 inch)

The Clash, Rock The Casbah (7 inch)

Cheryl Lynn, Got To Be Real (7 inch)

Lakeside, Fantastic Voyage (LP cut)

Steve Miller Band, Abracadabra (7 inch)

Run DMC, Walk This Way (12 Inch)

Nazareth, RAZAMANAZ (LP cut)

Amyl & The Sniffers, Some Mutts (7 inch)

Kingsmen, Louie Louie (7 inch)

Kenny Rogers & The First Edition, Ruby (Don’t Take Your Love To Town) (7 inch)

Police, Roxanne (7 inch)

Go-Go’s, We Got The Beat (7 inch)

Bauhaus, Bela Lugosi’s Dead (12 Inch)

Madvillain, America’s Most Blunted (12 Inch)

Cameo, Word Up (12 Inch)

Skee-Lo, I Wish (12 Inch)

Pet Shop Boys, West End Girls (12 Inch)

Eiffel 65, Move Your Body (12 Inch)

Kylie Minogue, Can’t Get Blue Monday Out Of My Head (12 Inch)

J.J. Fad, Supersonic (12 Inch)

Ohio Players, Love Rollercoaster (12 Inch EP cut)

James Brown,I Got You (I Feel Good) (7 inch)

Del Tha Funky Homosapien, Mistadobalina (LP cut)

Kendrick Lamar, YAH (LP cut)

Leroy Sibbles Nicodemus, Rock Steady Party (12 Inch)

Barbara Lewis, Baby I’m Yours (LP cut)

0113 Finished

The scenery

TASTING NOTES

I spent the day not thinking about the set, preferring to head into Spacebar “cold” to see what developed. But, I had spent a fair amount of time since my last set combing through online lists and the singles section of the local Record Hut to find some fresh material. And, a lot of it found its way onto the decks and into the ears of the listeners at Third Space Saturday. I do love the format of the single. I’m not necessarily attached to the extended mixes; often I will play the LP cut included on the single, or the 7” mix if it is on there. I like the focus of the shorter versions, but sometimes the songs lend themselves to the stretched-out format. Just depends on the song, as always.

It is really hot in Boise – not just summer heat, but triple-digit temperatures every day for weeks on end. I got sweaty just loading the rig. When I got downtown, there was a huge event of some sort happening in Capitol Park, with several streets blocked, and I worried that I would have trouble finding a parking space. But I found a space really close, and rolled my gear into the elevator. Nothing worked. The door wouldn’t even close. I text Will, and am surprised when he appears at the elevator. We lug all my gear down the stairs, past the line going upstairs to the speakeasy. Evidently, the fire department had visited just before I got there, because the fog machine had tripped the fire alarm. Will is working the door, and I recognize absolutely none of the bar staff.

I’m later than I wanted to be, so after I set myself up, I hurriedly weigh my options. I usually start with a song that has kind of a fanfare intro, but tonight it seemed appropriate to ease into things, so I chose “Strawberry Letter 23” by the Brothers Johnson, a new 12” single I acquired last week. My first hour is a combination of 12” extended versions and LP cuts; going from Wire to KC and the Sunshine Band to Judas Priest to George Clinton sounded better in person than it looks on the page. The bar scene is ebbing and flowing as usual, but it’s summer, people are outside, or in the mountains, or hunkered down in the most air-conditioned spot they can find.

I put on a long Grace Jones single, and Will gives me a tour of the changes coming to the bar. The room that used to house the print shop is cleared out. It’s going to house more machines, and be a separate space within the space. The music will still be there, but there will be more options for people, and a better use of the space, which was not generating enough use before. It will be good to give people more places to hang, to be with their people. Our sound volume is lower, which I kind of like. It presents the music better, and makes things more comfortable.

My son shows up with a posse. He comes into the booth and greets me. I express my unease, how I feel like I’m aging out of such things as nightlife, and fun, but he is unconvinced. Says I’m fine. He heads out on the floor with his crew, and I lose track of him for a while. About a half-hour later he comes back up to say goodbye, introduces me to a friend, and they ask about the Grime record I played. Roots Manuva. They dig it. I told them I couldn’t see anyone reacting to the music one way or the other, aside from the kid who came up and scrolled through the new internet jukebox that’s on the wall by the bar. They assured me that people were vibing, even the youngsters. It was good to hear, and I noticed people moving to the beat after that.

After Sam leaves, I don’t see a single person I know come in for the rest of the night. I am ok with this. Not that I don’t love the support from people I know, but I’m also a realist. I know it would require great effort for me to be out downtown on a Saturday night, so I understand what it entails.

I’ve hardly played any 7” records, mostly concentrating on longer 12” mixes from my new acquisitions. It feels really good. I’m putting things together in the right places, there are very few technical gaffes from me, and I generally feel good about how I’ve put records together.

The Donna Summer 12” single “I Feel Love” is a record I’ve been looking for my entire adult life, and now it’s mine. The 8-minute version did not disappoint! The mechanized spine of the song, the repetitive bubbling riff, it was the first record I heard from her, and I instantly became a fan. The simplicity and directness appealed to me, as did the four-on-the-floor kick drum.

I put a different Nazareth track into the mix, RAZAMANAZ. (I don’t know, it just seems to work better in all caps.) I had it cued and ready to go, but I then reversed course, and instead of following it up with RUN-DMC (again with the all caps!) I switched the order, and played “Walk With Me” first. It worked. The Nazareth track is like Motorhead, with a “better” singer. I need to find a better copy of the record, though. It was kind of worn. So is the Bauhaus record I plucked from a dollar section a while ago. Even though it’s got an audible (and visible) scratch on it, it plays through, and the surface noise doesn’t detract – it kind of adds something to the sound of “Bela Lugosi’s Dead.” It’s kind of a gothic doppelganger to the Donna Summer record – repetitive, atmospheric, less busy and more organic. Music is amazing that way. Very disparate intentions coming through, and changing the way things sound. And you don’t stop/you go on and on/til the break of dawn.

The thing is, though, a lot of the old 7” records from the ’50s and ’60s still sound great, even with the wear. The record players they were made for were not like the Hi-Fi players for classical and pop records of the day, and by pop records, I mean things like Doris Day, Johnny Mathis and other adult music. I’m fascinated by how time takes language and meaning and metamorphosizes it to fit the needs of people, of audiences, of commerce. You don’t/can’t control it, but you can ride it, and see where it goes.

That is the essence of what I am trying to do: follow the through line, and paint pictures, express myself, play things that sound good to me, communicate a feeling and vibe to people. I didn’t put Amyl and the Sniffers next to the Kingsmen and follow it up with Kenny Rogers to be a clever show-off, I did it because I thought it would sound good, that they were all good records, and the juxtaposition would make a listener reconsider what those songs were about.

Or, they could just vibe to the beat.

I’m so happy I get to do this, and I’m glad to have the opportunity to contribute to Spacebar Arcade. I sometimes feel I should be doing more – get on the microphone and get the party started, as it were. It’s just not me. All I can do is show up until they tell me not to. It’s a tough business. It’s not complicated, but it is unpredictable. You can do everything right, and still fail. Luck is underestimated by our culture. Being in the right place, at the right time, doing something you love and believe in and being rewarded? It’s not a given. Trust this: it’s just business. Pivot. Change course. Listen. Be true to yourself.

Next Third Space Saturday for me is on September 21st, 2024. I’m taking August off for Holiday. Just like a European.

[hillvalleywrites]

4 & 9 :)

4. What is your favourite thing about Mike and Alison's relationship?

I love that they're both as mad as each other. So often in a sitcom you find the nagging, neurotic wife and the laid-back husband, but their relationship is not like that at all. Whenever it gets into moments that could be like that - Mike trying to hide the inflatable balls from Alison in 'Poached Guests' comes to mind - they subvert it, like Alison and Mike playing in them together. They're both sensible and they're both harebrained. And they clearly love each other and love their life together.

9. What are the 3 most touching scenes for you?

This was so so hard!

1) least surprising answer ever - In the Bleak Midwinter. I'm crying every time. Alison wanted to sing carols with her family - and she did! Thomas being the first to join her is one of the only moments where his... affection for her is thoughtfully included into the narrative, rather than being a tired joke. They all sound lovely together too.

2) Hard to pick just one moment from Gone Gone - I almost picked them all going back in and dancing - but in the end I have to go with Robin picking out Mary's star. It's such a beautiful moment, and one where we really get to feel the weight of time and grief, all the people Robin's loved and lost and memorialised.

3) This is technically cheating but I'm bringing these two moments together because they say very similar things. The first is in Perfect Day, when Pat gets to see Keith Darren Dean tie a knot he learned from Pat, and the second is in Its Behind You when Carol tells Daley he looks just like his father. My dad died when I was very young, and I often wonder what he would have taught me, what about me he would have seen himself in. This is also why I almost cried during the morning routine scene in The Grey Lady the first time I watched it, because I was taken out by Thomas listening to The Cure (my dad's favourite band). Does that count as a third moment? Sorry. But these moments with Pat remind me of the ways you carry someone with you after they die, or after you lose them in another way. You tie a knot and you think of them. You say the words they aren't here to say. You play a song they loved. The uncrossable gap between you collapses for a moment, or for 3 minutes 35 seconds. I love that Mike digitised the files for Pat, that they all got to watch them. I wonder if Keith Darren Dean taught his son that knot, if he told him about his former scoutmaster. There is so much of us made of those we have loved and known.

[bookwormscififan]

Dance With Me

Read on AO3!

Concept art

A/N: Some really sweet MadMare fluff, because we all need adorable moments now and then.

--

It wasn’t often Mad had the pleasure of seeing Mare in his “performance” outfit: simple purple button-down and black vest, but when the opportunity did present itself, Mad found himself very pleased with Mare’s outfit.

Tonight was one of those occasions. Phantom had invited Mare to perform at his bar, and Mare had only agreed because Mad wanted to see him sing. Knowing his biggest fan would be there to support him, Mare had pulled out his best music, flashing Mad a classic smile as he slipped into the closet to get dressed.

Now, Mad sat at his table and watched Mare sing, chin propped on his hand as he rested his elbow on the shining surface, heart fluttering every time Mare glanced his way. After the third song, Jackie had set a glass of diet Coke in front of him, giving him the excuse that he’d need the sugar to get through Mare’s set.

He sipped his drink as he watched Mare whisper to the band, tilting his head when a soft and slow song started to play. Mare hopped off the stage and headed toward him, drinking the water on the table before leaning down to catch Mad in a kiss, smiling with a fond tilt to his head after they pulled away.

“Dear heart,” he began, and Mad would never tire of the way his chest warmed at the nickname, “Would you like to have some fun?”

“I…” Mad trailed off, glancing to the side where some of Phantom’s regulars were dancing in front of the stage. “I don’t think I’ll be any good…”

“C’mere,” Mare chuckled, holding his hand out to Mad. “Dance with me.” When Mad took his hand, he led them to a quiet corner near the stage, lifting his arm for Mad to hold as he slid his other hand around Mad’s waist. He gave Mad a soft nod and smile when Mad reached up to gasp his shoulder, then pulled him closer and slowly began to dance.

As the music swelled around them, Mad leaned his head against Mare’s chest, listening to the soft rumble of his voice as he hummed along to the song, moving his hand to hold Mad’s hand against his heart. Mare smiled as he hummed, looking at Mad with a secret tenderness in his eyes that barely anyone could see, holding him close as they kept dancing.

He led Mad back to the table when the music stopped, giving him another quick kiss before heading back to the stage, announcing a last song and only looking at Mad as he sang, flashing the crowd a smile that didn’t reach his eyes when he finished.

“Come on, dearest,” he said softly as he took Mad’s hand again, bag slung over his shoulder, “Let’s go home.” With a short salute to Phantom, Mare led Mad outside before sending them home, arms wrapping around Mad’s waist to pull him close as he showered him with kisses.

“Mare,” Mad said, squeezing the word out between kisses, “You sang really well. And… I liked the dance.” He tilted his head to the side as Mare moved to bite at his neck, giving him more room to work.

“You’re the reason I can sing and dance, love,” Mare replied, leaning back just enough to look into Mad’s eyes. “You’re my greatest muse, my best treasure, the wind beneath my wings that allows me to soar.”

--------------

@iamvegorott @brokentimewatch @dungeon-dragons-dragons