#because of it whenever i see a new artist id have to check their other works to see if they're either an AI poster

[barblaz-arts]

What were people saying about posting AI art?

Just a bunch of people saying me and fellow artists who say the person is posting AI are being too arrogant with our judgement, claiming we think we're "art gods" or whatever tf . Apparently we have no credibility despite being the artists that they would constantly ask more FREE fanarts from in our comment sections and inboxes. It just offended me how people could think I would say that just to dogpile on a small artist when I barely participate in fandom drama. I didn't even directly reply to the OP or quote retweet their "art". My first statement was a reply on somebody else's quote retweet so the OP wouldn't be too exposed. Whenever i would make additional statements, it would be in a separate post that never mentioned the OP, because my point is not to target one specific person, but to make others aware so they could hopefully be better at spotting AI artists. The very obvious ones at least.

However when I blocked the AI poster instead of engaging, they had to go ahead and make a post showing a screenshot that I blocked them for THEIR followers to see, resulting in people saying stuff about how I'm disappointing or a coward. I even got dm's over it. One person was civil and asked what the artist could do to prove their art, so I said that they should draw on paper. But i dont believe they ever did it. For obvious reasons.

Tbf it wasn't like hundreds of people or whatever. The fandom wasn't very active by then. But it was enough for me to get hurt. They could like the stuff I make and demand more of it, but apparently they can't respect my insights in something they know I'm at least decent in practicing. Don't even stop for a second and think about why these artists are saying the things they have. Fucking annoying.

[alena-draws]

It's 2 am and I am genuinely screaming at your art. I always do, but christ. I usually check out in case you've uploaded something new, your art is a strong creative reference point for me, I hope you know that. It makes art feel fun again.

A lot of the art you post might be doodles and quick sketches, but they have so much life in them, and emotion, and I always, always love seeing it. I have a bunch of your drawings saved in a folder for reference whenever I'm stuck and feel like I should have some more fun, and enjoy what I'm doing. Then I go look at it, and feel immediately inspired, and go back at it.

I started seeing your art because of bnha, and THEN I realized that OH? YOU ALSO GOT INTO TRIGUN? My god, I read the post you wrote about the series just being...wonderful--and it REALLY IS,. No spoilers for anyone, just..it's good. its so, so good for so many reasons, and it hit a chord in my little heart, and now youre making art of it? Dont mind if I do???

I read that you were trying to focus this blog into more serious art, and thats fine, although if you were to also post your funny little doodles anywhere else, whatever they may be about, just say where and I'll be around too >:)) its always so very nice to see anything at all. So, yeah. screaming. I just saw the most recent trigun sketches and UGH. Theyre so fine. The cHARACTERS ARE SO FINE. id rant about the complexity and simplicity of it all. You art really shows Vash's emotions, and..ah, it hits the spot. So uh, yeah! You're awesome, keep doing awesome. Sorry about the long message, don't feel pressured to answer ^^)!

Aah thank you so much for that sweet ask!! The fact that you have art saved in a folder and that it helps you get back to drawing when you feel stuck, that makes me so happy to hear! It's in a way one of the best things I could hope to achieve, because even though as an artist you draw for your own joy, if I can move other people or even better, inspire them to do art too, then I'm super glad :') I hope you keep on having fun and enjoying doing art!

Also oh yes like many other people I got deep into Trigun...(I might just add some more to that post that you mentioned, because I haven't yet expressed all that I wanted to say about that show)

Don't worry, the funny little doodles will stay here and continue to be uploaded! What I mainly meant by keeping this professionall-y is, that I mostly want to post art, not too many text posts, because I want my Tumblr to function as a kind of online portfolio/art archive. That works here just a bit better than on Twitter.

Again, thank you so much! I'm really happy you like my stuff so much and took your time to write such a kind, long message! Have a beautiful day and weekend!

[espytalks]

So. its that time of the whenever i feel like it where i decide to take a break from whatever game I'm playing and talk about it.

So anyways heres my thoughts on legends arceus so far

I've been a fan of pokeman for a long time, guys. Its been THE game ive played since pokeman crystal. Im very familiar with the franchise, and while nowadays i end up playing the games years after release, i usually do end up playing them at some point. Ive played at least one mainline game from every generation, aside from sword/shield.

Im not the best source to rely on to review any media, tbh, because i like what i like and i generally put up with subpar experiences because im a very simple person who's easy to please. I do have opinions, but with a franchise as simple as pokemans', there isnt a whole lot i can usually say about it. I have fun, because i simply love seeing funky little dudes i can befriend and pet in little minigames and such.

Which is why it came as a complete shock when i played Legends Arceus and really friggin enjoyed it.

Legends shakes up the gameplay of a traditional pokeman game on a fundamental level. Its fairly open world, allowing you to explore the game at your own pace. You can catch pokemen without even needing to battle, sneaking up and catching them unawares. Its encouraged, actually, because its one of the ways you get money in the game, and necessary to complete the pokedex.

Battling itself is changed, too. Not only are there variations in moves, called styles, which allow you to use moves stronger or weaker than normal, those styles alter the turn order of the battle, adding additional strategy to the game. Pokemen themselves also can spawn stronger versions of specific kinds, called alphas, which are challenging to capture or defeat even when under-leveled.

The game also takes place in the ancient sinnoh region, called hisui, and its just.. really cool to see this game and compare it to pokeman shining pearl, which im doing a challege run of alongside this. The terrain feels vast, and its fun to run around and explore. Early maps have additional secrets to explore after gaining movement upgrades via ride pokemen, and im still surprised by new discoveries as i take the time to fill out sidequests.

This game feels refreshing. Playing this alongside the gen 4 remakes makes it incredibly obvious how stale the gameplay of the original style games have gotten. The old style is nostalgic, sure, but i feel like legends marks a long needed change to the franchise, and im optimistic about the future if they continue to innovate on future games as much as this.

My only real criticism, aside from wanting some minor quality of life improvements, is that i dont think this game aesthetically is as good as it could be. Some textures are great, others only so-so, and overall the game isnt as bright and colorful as id like a pokeman game to be, instead having a more desaturated pallete. This is subjective, though. I asked a friend what he thought and he said that the colors of the game matched the tone of the game very well. To each their own, ya know. Its not enough to ruin the game, just a nitpick because im an artist who likes bright colors lol.

Tl;dr, i really like it! Its different, but it still feels like pokeman, and i think if you haven't kept up with the series in a while, its worth checking out.

[antigoneidk]

Unexpectedly good| h.h.

summary: Getting out of your comfort zone isn’t as bad as it seems, getting to know strangers can be fun. Espesially cute ones.

words count: 3.2+

pairing: harry holland x writer!reader

warnings: none

a/n: this is my first time writing about Harry, but I thought why not? 

True love exists they say. You're seeing it all around you as you taking a walk around your neighborhood, you’re reading it through written words late at night sitting on your bedroom floor, you’re hearing through melodies while driving around the city.

But does it last forever?

You also notice people getting their hearts broken, couples married for decades separating their ways, fighting for things they thought they never would. You’re listening to your friends crying, or artists expressing this pain through paintings, poems, even movies with actors playing their roles really well, drifting everyone with their emotions. Promises, vows are getting broken.

And you can help those questions that are always running to your mind: if it doesn’t last forever,then why the hell do we bother with it? Why do we even dragging ourselves into these situations when we could easily just be alone and happy after all? If love means suffer, why do others are still falling in love?

It would never make sense. Are they dumb?

Maybe.

We’ve been taught from early years some rules.

Number one: always be kind to others around you.

Number two: listen to your parents.

Number three: find someone to love.

And is not that they told us to do with words, but somehow they showed us with their actions. Your dad would kiss your mother goodbye before work, or give her presents. Your mum would prepare a fancy dinner for him, usually to thank him for everything he’s done for their family. They would go on dates, spoil each other, “I love you"'s would be heard every now and then. Or after an argument they’ll fall asleep and the next day they’ll get up with smiles on their faces and a forgiving speech already made up.

“My parents are divorced.”

Are they single? No, at least one of then has moved on and met somebody to love.

And that is my point. They got their hearts broken once, why do they risk it for the second time?

“Hey are you okay?” the blonde girl asked next to you, clearly worried.

“Umm yeah? Why are you asking?”

“You have these weird expressions while you’re writing and you scared the shit out of us. Also I’m really curious to know what caused you this” your male friend sipped his iced coffee. You laughed at him closing your notebook leaving your pen inside it and copying his movements. The cold liquid felt hydrating.

“I don’t think you will any time soon baby" you placed your cup at the table. “And to be honest with you, nobody will"

“The disrespect! Girl, we’ve been here for the past two hours and this is the first time you're talking" her voice sounded serious at first, turning to more playful after. They both knew that you were an artistic soul, always with a pen in your hand ready to imprint your thoughts at a paper. Writing meant everything to your existence, the only getaway from the world.

“You need to be more confident with your writing y/n. You are talented and you keep wasting your talent away. Imagine how you can change the world with all your inspirational things you write for us, all of your creative stories that I have no idea how your mind is capable to think of them. And I'm not saying this because I'm your friend, this is my honest opinion”

“And some may say that you are just a hopeless romantic. But I am in awe with you and how you describe feelings that are so difficult to talk about.”

You smiled bright at your friends. “What did I do to deserve friends like you guys?”

“You were just lucky that we felt sorry for you that day at the library” he took your hands into his and turned to the girl next to you, that had wrapped her arms around your torso and had placed her head to your shoulder. “Do you remember how lonely she looked?”

“Ouch"you said moving your hand towards your heart playing it hurt. “Oh my Gosh, was I like this?”you asked biting your lip. It was your first year at a new busy town, with people that looked way cooler that you were, a lifestyle out of your comfort zone. Denying that you didn’t seemed lost would be a lie.

They both nobbed their heads laughing and you covered your face thinking how much you have changed the past few years and even though you still wokred with yourself, you had made progress there.

«I think we should go guys, it's getting late and I have work to do» the man of the group announced, Gigi next to you complaining that he just ruined her night for the dumbest reason «in history»

«Who goes home to do work? Have you lost your mind? Let's go get a drink» she turned to you «Is he crazy?»

«I mean he may have a reason»

«Are you siding with him now? Do you have a boyfriend and you just don't want us to know?»she leaned to his side wanting to learn more curious. Your friend was the person that wanted to know everything about the others, not because of the gossip, she wasn't like that. The reason behind it was that Gigi felt the need to protect her family and close friends from bad situations. And to do that, she pressured others just so they can help her create a picture about them, a guide for her that she might need in the future.

Noel on the other hand seemed more like incurious about his friend's private life. Not that he didn't care, but he would wait for the other with no pressure. He was there for who might needed his help, whenever they felt ready to open up. Lies was the only thing that he couldn't forgive. From anyone.

«I'm gonna kill this bitch I swear» he got up following you that you were already behind them giggling with them.

«You are so annoying Noel» Gigi grabbed you by the arms and made her way to the exit of the cute café you spent your afternoon at. You glanced back at him with curved lips but eyes drowning with tears of laughter, while he was getting up from his chair, laughing with his sweet laugh of his and looking around for things that you might have forgot.

«Oh I'm sorry» you heard your friend apologizing at the same time you crashed with her back. You turned your head at her ready to reassure her, before your eyes met a pair of brown ones.

«It's my fault I wasn't paying any attention» a blonde boy next to him apologized shyly.«Ladies first» they both stepped back making room for the both of you to make your way out. You took a look at the boy that caught your attention at first smiling shyly back at him when you noticed him doing the same. You held onto your friend tightly as you walked away, giggling with her quietly.

«Gigi what was that?» you asked after a while, being sure that none of them would here you.

«I have no idea» she said before slowing her step finally staying still in front of you. «But they looked cute» her eyes made their way behind your back.

«Yes he did» you mumbled taking a look at your shoes. At the very time you realized what words your mouth left out loud you corrected yourself quickly «They were cute yeah..um..where-where is Noel?» you shallowed the inside of your cheeks staring back at her.

«Behind you» she replied with a smirk. «Hey baby y/n forgot her pen there, would you wait for us? Just for a minute?»

«What? No-»

«No she didn't, I checked everywhere. Y/n just search again at your bag»You rolled your eyes and opened your bag, diving your hand into the mess inside just for you to reveal the pen that was missing apparently.

«I can't with you guys sometimes» her walking far from the two of you had you chuckle at your friend, yet thinking that something would have come out of this. But it was just a stranger, a handsome one, that you would never see again. The chances of meeting this man were minimal so you tried to not distract your mind with possible scenarios.

You were curious though. What would have happened if you went back there? Maybe he wouldn't be there, not all people like to enjoy their drinks inside a room with others. Maybe he would have been sitting at a table with the blonde guy talking about his day or problems hat he might have. How will his voice sound like? Or he would be the one listening to his friend.

Or they would be waiting for their girlfriends to come.

It sounded more realistic at that time.

«What happened now?». You grabbbed his arm slowly walking behind the blonde annoyed girl friend of yours. The irritated sound of his voice was showing, tired of her attitude she had the past xouple of minutes.

“She is just a little mad at us, you know she had other plans for tonight. What can I say? We are bad friends I guess" you joked making the boy next to you roll his eyes smiling.

_

Few days later you found yourself into your little appartment, working at a new assignment that had to be ready in a couple of hours. Your fingers tapping the keyboard faster that lightning, the words showing in front of you in seconds, your mind working nonstop, new ideas popping every now and then out of nowhere.

Three hours later and ten pages were ready to be sent back at your boss. Ten pages fillled with things that only God knew how much you loved them.

The power of art. How art can change someone completely, how people can be reborn, how the prospective of life can turn, how individuals could change into creatures ready to rule the world with their creativity, their visions of a better future.

Your phone rang unexpectedly, the sound of the familiar ringtone disctracting you from checking possible mistakes on your writing. You picked it in your hand, the photo of your blondie friend lit up the screen.

“Hello” you answered happy to hear her after days.

“Hi y/n, what are you-” a loud car horn stopped her from finishing her sentence, voices from far away screaming, a chaos starting to build up. “Watch where you’ re going phycho” you bit your lip curious as her aggressive tone sounded from the other side of the phone.

“Are you okay? Gigi?”

“Why do all idiots get driving license?”

“I don't know babe, let's just pretend that they didn't pay others"

“That's true" she paused for a while and then continued “Yeah anyway, what are you doing?”

“I just finished my article. Do you wanna come over?” you suggested.

“I was thinking if you're interested in meeting at that café we went with Noel” it was only ten minutes away from where you lived, so it worked perfect for you.

“That sounds like a plan”

“Great! I'm gonna be there in twenty minutes so take your time"

“Okay I'll see you soon" you hanged up the call and moved to your closet. The weather was cloudy and windy, unlike the day before. People were walking down the streets holding on to their jackets really tight, so you assumed that it was getting really cold out there, a feeling of sadness covering you from the inside as summer was coming to an end sooner that you'd thought.

_

Ten minutes after you were outside finally, hugging your body as tight as possible, holding your own jacket, try to protect your self from the cold. Your rapid steps got you to your destination earlier that usual. You opened the door, the warm air hitting your face, the smell of coffee and donuts filling your lungs. You scanned the space around you, an empty table catching your eyesight a few meters away from where you stood. You sat there ans waited patiently for your friend to come and join you. The attention of yours caught the food that was getting ready to be served to customers, looking like the most attractive thing in the universe. I'm getting one of these for sure.

“Sorry for being late. Guess who I bumped into” Gigi interrupted your thoughts as she sat at the chair across you.

“Bratt Pitt?”

“I would have died. Try again I'll give you one more chance”

“Is it a celebrity?” you leaned to her half smiling.

“Nope" she shaked her head and crossed her hands down to her chest, leaning back.

“Then why would I know? Was it your ex?”

“Who sees their ex and smiles like that? Wake up"

“I give up"

“Do you remember the two cute boys we saw here?” she placed her arms at the table. “Yes don't look at me like that. They will be here in a few"

“You invited two strangers? What if their intentions are bad? Have you lost your mind?” you started panicking, yet making sure that you won't drag all the attention to you from the others.

“That would have been fun for your miserable life but no they're not bad. They seemed really nice actually and that's why I told them that we will be here so shut your mouth. And you even said that you liked that brunette boy, you should thank me”

“I never said anything like that Gigi. And I don’t care if they are the nicest people we've ever met, they're still strangers-“

“Not anymore" she lifted her arm and then stood up with a bright smile on her lips. “Um hey guys" she greeted them and then pointed towards you. “This is y/n I told you about" you got up and turned around so you can meet them yourself.

“Harrison" the blonde guy said to you and you smiled back at him.

“Y/n" you shacked his hand politely. He did not seem bad at all and even though you felt sorry for him, it was still irresponsible from her to act like this. You made room for him to pass you and came face to face with the brunette boy.

«I'm Harry» so that's how his voice sounded like.

«I'm y/n. Nice to meet you» he shacked your hand and you couldn't ignore the feelings you got, the warmth, the electricity you felt, the sensation just from the palm of his hand. You sat back down, across your bestfriend and next to Tom.

At first you felt really awkward, compared to Gigi that looked so confident and never stopped talking, moslty about her life, how she ended up in this town, what she's studying, her hobbies. She was a person that had the ability of opening up to strangers real quick, very friendly. She made you feel like home, like she was the big sister everyone wanted. That's how she won a place into your heart, you have always needed a friend like her, and she was at the right place the right time.

«So y/n what do you do in your free time?» Harrison asked.

«Oh..um I write I guess?»

«You have to see what she wrote last week. I admire her talent and I'm sure she will get far one day»

«It's not that big of a deal» you grabbed the cup in front you. «I just love writing about life and things in general»

«I would love to read something of yours» you heard Harry speaking and you turned to watch him. His curls seemed perfect covering a little of his forehead, his cheeks a light red, probably from the heat, his eyes staring back at you.

«You think so?» he caught you by surprise, as mostly the people that learnt about your obsession with writing never actually asked you to read anything from your writings, and maybe there was a chance that this was the reason behind you doubting all of your work. It was a battle that you didn't ask for.

«Yes» his lips turned into a smile, your did to as you couldn't help it. And you met him only half and hour before.

Their stories were interesting. Harrison had a passion for acting and was actually preparing for a really big project that he couldn't share much information for. But your curiosity was loud, you wanted to learn about this job, or how he was able to handle his emotions.

Harry was into photography, a fact that surprised you in a good way, and as you heard him talk about it more as the time went by, both of you gained more confidence and comfort around each other, absorbing plenty of informations.

At this point you thanked your friend for inviting them, and noted to do that in person after. They were truly the nicest people and seemed like two boys that you would totally hang with them anytime.

“This is amazing. I would love to see them one day” you stated. He moved closer to you, his one arm came behind your chair and rested there.

“I'm free for you anytime, as long as I'm gonna read anything, a poem or a story, only of yours”

“You really want to read them? They are not that good” you pointed at Gigi "Don't listen to her"

“You're really cute” he pulled your hair behind your ear “And yes I want to read one of your writings, I know that they will be good, I can already tell how artistic you are and I like that” he really said that? Was this true?

“Hey mate we have to go. Tom is waiting for us" Harrison pushed Harry's arm destroying your little moment, thankfully cause you actually didn't have any answer for his statement. Just questions that he wasn't going to answer.

“Already? He can't wait for a little more?” Harry got up after Harrison as he wore his jacket.”I'm so sorry girls. We'll make up for this I promise you. And I'm gonna bring my work with me just for you" he whispered his last sentence to you, while the other two of the group were talking on their own.

“It's okay don't worry. I'm sure he has a reason for whatever happened"

“No my brother is just a asshole and not responsible but don't let me get started" you laughed for a moment and watched straight at you, Harrison and Gigi hugging each other. They seemed like they got so closed within an hour only. It was unbelievable how she knew exactly what to say to win everyone's heart and mind. “I'm just hoping that I'll be able to see you again"

“Um I hope to as well" you smiled at him goodbye and waved at the two boys, that were walking now outside the café.

“You're lucky that I have Harrison’s number”

“What?”you turned your attention back to her. She was in a really happy mood and it showed not only from her expressions but from her body language as well.

“You dumbass how are you gonna see him again if you can't find him huh?”

She was right.

“I'm sorry for earlier. I was wrong" you apologized, feeling sorry for staying mad at her when all she wanted to do was to get you out of your comfort zone.

“You're still thinking about it? Just tell, how was he? He was cute right?”

_

After 2 hours of gossip and analyses you were finally back at your safe place, wrapped around with your favorite blanket and your favorite movie on. Everything seemed okay when a message from an unknown number called you back into reality.

‘Hey this is Harry! I forgot to ask your number but I was lucky enough to find it. Goodnight<3'

-----------

he is so cute what the hell?????

[cosmiclatte28]

Secret Love Song (ten x you)

here we go!

ps. Ten is a WayV and SuperM idol here, while Yuta, Jaehyun, and Johnny are not idols! Thanks

Song : Secret Love Song from little mix and Jason Durelo lol Derulo xD

warning : tiny bit of insecurities, lots of fluff, happy end.

CHITTAPON IS JUST SO SWEET!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You make your way slowly back to your small studio apartment. You rush from the nearest bus stop, walk through the cold winter night, reach the front door and then take the lift to your room. Today has been tiring, your neck and lower back are aching from sitting on stools for hours and reaching your clients body as you inject safe permanent inks into their skin. Yes, you are a tattoo artist, working in a superior tattoo parlor, where hygiene levels are guaranteed safe and the drawings are not regrettable. Well, your clients paid a hundreds of dollars to have a 4 inch tattoo! You have to admit, being a tattoo artist in a high-class studio gave a fair amount to pay your rents, eat decent foods, and spend some money for your happiness. You sigh when you remember that the flat fee for this month has been raised, and you know you will need to either find a new living space or work extra hours to pay for the extra cost.

You stretch your neck for a while as your fingers type in a six digit combination to open the door to your heaven: the bed. Once you close the door behind you, you take off your coat, carelessly toss your bag to the sofa, and free yourself from your boots. You make a quick attempt to untangle your scarf and dive belly first to your soft mattress. A sigh of great relieve escapes your mouth and you find your eyelids super heavy. You would totally fall  asleep within five seconds if your bizarre phone did not disturb you.

Your hand blindly searches for the rectangular noisy object and when you find it, the ring has ended. You groan in frustration, but your fatigue drowns you back to slumber. This time there was a short beep five times in a row, and you know that is your boyfriend messaging you. Your mind fights over waking up to call him back, or just drive your tired eyes to sleep and deal with him later when you're fresh. You decided to do the latter, but today must not be your day. Your phone rings again and your finger slides to pick up his call.

"What?!" You snapped.

"Woah, easy... Did I call the wrong number?" the man on the other hand takes his phone away from his ear to check the caller ID. He shakes his head when he ensures this is the right number.

"Sorry... I-"you yawn and he stays silence until you continue, "I just got home, and your calls postpone my -so needed- sleep..."

He smiles to himself when he heard your yawns and slurs.

"Okay, I'll just tell you I'm busy for the next three days. I'll call you back, I need to do my make up now. Bye!"

You did not reply him, your brain didn't actually understand anything he said, you've lost yourself into the dreamland after finishing your sentence. You sleep through your dinner time, only to snore deeper as the night darkens.

__

One man sits stiffly on his chair in the powder room. He is waiting for his stylist to come and do his make up before he steps into the stage filled with a crowd dedicating their life, money, and time to support him and his group. He shakes his shoulder a bit to throw the pressure away, why did he feel like he committed a great sin for calling his girl just to disturb  her from sleeping.

"Who is that Ten hyung?" Yang-yang who happens to catch a few of Ten's surprised action earlier asked.

Ten turns his head to face the youngest boy, he's about to open his mouth before the tallest and loudest man cuts his answer "It's (y/n) of course," Lucas offers his big smile while slapping Ten's shoulder.

"Stop it Lucas, I might poke his eye because of your sudden slap when I am drawing this eyeliner." The stylist who has been working hard to polish this pretty eyes of Ten, scowls at Lucas.

"Sorry, but it's true right?? It's (Y/n)???" Lucas takes a seat on one of the free chairs in the powder room. He's ready to go on stage already.

Ten shakes his head in disbelief and nods, "Yes it's her. Happy?"

Yang-yang smiles and drags his chair closer, "So... what happened? Spill the tea!"

Lucas also has his eyes bigger twice as much in size and his back is straightened, he is ready for the gossip!

Ten smacks his lips when the last stroke of light lipstick was applied; he checks himself on the mirror and nods an approval for the stylist to go. "Thank you!"

Now when nobody else is in the room, Ten finally opens his mouth.

"I called her at the wrong time I think... She snapped at me because she said I disturb her sleep?"

The two younger men pretend to understand though really they don't have a single idea why Ten must look this nervous just because his girlfriend snapped. Hey, every person has a bad day right?

Ten stares into the two soul across him and he face palms himself mentally when he realize there was no way Lucas nor Yang-yang understands his worry.

"Forget it, both of you are not helping." Ten pushes himself from the chair to put on his golden jacket.

"We're putting on mikes and in 7 minutes, you're going Live." The stage director opens the door right in time and a swarm of crew help the members put on their mikes.

Ten glances at his phone for the last time, there his smile rises when one notification pops from none other than you.

From: mon petit cœur

"Burn the stage,love! Bad Alive deserves the spotlight. <3"

Ten knows he doesn't have to reply that message, but the heavy weight in his heart is gone as he takes a deep breath and joins his other brothers to the side of the stage. They chant their group cheers and soon take over the stage.

--

You're awakened by your alarm clock around seven at night. Your head feels dizzy and you know that's probably because you skipped dinner. You force yourself to open your eyes. Your fingers expertly open the messenger application and through your squinting eyes, you type a short message to your boyfriend. Well, you promised him you won't miss their first stage of Bad Alive, and so here you are! seated on your worn-off sofa, an apple on one hand and the small TV provides you music and pictures. You focus yourself on the screen when you can see your boy and his team already shown for the interview at the screen. You fix your position, increase the volume, and you're totally awake when the stage shows your favorite group of all time.

The three minutes performance was over. You get up from your position, walk to throw the apple core away, and you grab your phone back.

To : Ten

"Amazing job you did there, my body's burning,

Guess I can save money from not using any more heaters.

Going home? <3"

You want to meet Ten so bad, it's already one month since you two didn't see each other. He has intensive practices for the comeback. Not that you're not understanding or selfish; You just wish he can make some time to come tonight, because you need someone to listen to you.

Your phone bleeped after an hour. Ten must've finished all of his works and probably already seated in the van, ready to leave the venue.

From: Ten

"Glad the song kept you warm. Sadly I've told you earlier in the call I cannot make it home these three days. Next week I also have another stage performance. I'll let you know when we can meet. How's today?"

Your shoulder slumped, you ghost you finger over the call button. You want to call him right now, but dating an idol is not that simple. If some manager or stylist caught you in the act, they might tell this to the director board and you know how this will end. Yes forced break up!

You left him on read. You glance at the clock on the dining room. It's already nine, you have some place to go. You dress yourself in a warm jacket and you leave the empty room. You hail a cab and direct an address. Your phone vibrated and you picked up a call.

"Hey! Where are you now?" Ten asks

"I'm going out for a while, why?"

"Oh, where are you headed to?"

"Ummm Johnny's, I forgot he invited me over for wine and cheese. Wanna join?"

"Is this Saturday Night already?"

You chuckled, "Yes Mr. busy, this is a Saturday Night."

"I'll see how the meeting with SuperM goes, til then have fun and be safe, Love you!"

"He's a nice brother, don't worry I'll be okay. Wait I have to get off the bus."

Ten waited for you on the other side of the line. He likes to make sure you're okay on the road. He busies himself with a strand of loose thread on his jacket and holds the phone close to his ear. His smile returns when your breathy voice greets him back.

"Woah, sorry there were several people going down too.

I'm only 3 minutes away! Are you in the office yet?"

"I'm entering the lobby, need to rush to the lift and see if everyone's there already."

"Okay, guess I'll end the call here. I can see his house already."

"No, I'll wait until you are in his house. Besides my notification just notifies me Taemin hyung is late."

"Well, I'm here already. Johnny's by my side."

"Alright, trust you. Tell him I miss him! Okay then, enjoy your night.

Call me whenever you need my help. Love you!"

You smile at his small attention, "Thanks Ten, Love you too! Good luck with the meeting."

The phone call ended

You enter the kitchen of the small house your brother and his fiancée bought. Johnny is five years older than you, and that's why he has been able to take care of you ever since the two of you were young. Johnny's wife happened to be staying in her mother's house because she had to look after her younger cousins. Johnny cannot join her because he needs to supervise his office. So here you are, the two of you meet one another for a siblings quality time.

"Tonight's special is Cabernet Franc," Johnny said after examining the bottle and taking the cork off.

I push him my empty glass and he fills in both glasses with the red liquid.

"Cheers," You both chime and clank the glass.

Moving on to sit on the comfortable L-sofa, you make yourself comfortable before finally starting to chat and talk about life. A soft music was played on the background, some classics because both of you felt like it.

"So, how is your day?" asked Johnny.

You gulp down the rest of the wine and roll your eyes, "Bad. Worst!"

Johnny straightens his back, "Ten? Or Work?"

You run your eyes right and left, taking a moment to think which one of them is bothering your mind. You smile when you know the answer, "Both!"

Johnny only raises his brow and you know the queue to spill everything out. Your mind went back to earlier this morning, where you woke up late and missed the bus to your office. You had to take the cab, since Ten was busy with his performance schedule today. You had to spend a good $20 to make it on time. You did arrive on schedule; the shop was opening as per usual. You greeted your co-workers, Yuta and Jaehyun.

The three of you have been working together since this parlor opened, there were no other worker here because we don't need that much! The people who step through the door were usually a regular or have made an appointment. However, today was totally irregular!

You remember the horror of Jaehyun's face when he entered the employee room with terror. Yuta was working on a customer's drawing and you were washing and cleaning the pen.

"We sorta have a problem here, there were three girls wanting to get a tattoo done without any appointments."

Yuta raised his brow, there must be something next that will surprise them both.

"They're minors. I've told them to come back when they're older, but they insisted."

"Let me talk," You place your pen down on a table and take the queue to talk to the girls. Well, Jaehyun is a softie, he cannot be strict especially to high-school girls.

You caught the three girls giggling over a picture on their phone, and you quickly snatched it away from her hand. They gasped and protested on your action, but you were taller than them.

"Sorry, but it was not appropriate for you to secretly take pictures of another person. This, I'm sure you took them secretly earlier. You're violating someone's privacy." You said as you deleted the pictures of a candid Jaehyun.

"If you're here only to take inappropriate pictures of my co-worker, leave immediately and don't ever come back. And you're clearly not 18 yet, the law stated you must be 18 to have a tattoo. Til then, let's wait patiently. Come back only when you are 18 and permitted to have ink on your body. Good bye." You returned the phone and shrugged your shoulder to the exit door.

The three girls have fires in their eyes and they were clearly killing you in their heads, but you're not afraid of babies like them.

"You're mean! Just wait for our revenge!" One of the girl stomped her feet in anger and ordered the other two to follow her and they left the parlor.

You let go a breath you held back earlier, then you decided to take the welcome desk for a while.

Just when you thought nothing else will go wrong, that's where you were fucked. Across you stood your nightmare. The enormous man across you smiled secretly when he found you greeting him.

"Well, welcome back Sir Dimitry, I believe you're here for a touch up?" You ran your eyes through today's schedule. Sadly his name was not there, but he was a regular and he's the Russian gang leader here, who roamed around Incheon at night. You knew better not to mess up with him, but that was not what bothers you.

He Is big and scary, the first time you saw him was when Yuta has to do a big dragon on his well built arm. That day you were occupied with another client, but although you were focused on doing your work, you can't help but feel his gaze on your body. Yuta and Jaehyun were aware of this, and since then they always try their best to take his project and they always lied you're busy or occupied. You're thankful for them. The two men were not so pleased to work on his skin too, for his drawings were always big, disturbing, and scary. However, he was the most generous tipper, and that made them close their mouth and ears (because he used to answer calls and believe me your ears won't stay cold listening to his choices of bad words).

"I haven't made an appointment yet, and I came here for a new drawing. I've had one in my mind and I believe you can finish tracing it in a couple of minute." The big guy leaned forward on the table.

There were two other people coming in and Yuta happened to pass by. You threw him a "help" sign and Yuta bit his lips, "My client is here already... I'm sorry, try Jaehyun."

Yuta took his customer to the studio and Jaehyun appeared beside you.

Jaehyun glanced at the clock, then looked into the Russian man's blue eyes "I'm sorry sir, but today we're a bit tight. You can come back here tomorrow say around one? I'll take your order, do you want a new drawing or retouch?"

The man hit the table, "I believe this lady over here is free right now, I don't see any client waiting for her. That guy is clearly your job Jae, I saw his tattoos those were definitely yours."He smiled winningly.

You cursed in your heart, well today you happened to have no appointments, you're only making templates. You closed your eyes, inhaled, and looked at Jaehyun. You nodded your head to tell him you'll be okay and you'll take him. Jae could lost his eyes from the shock when you sighed and told the big man, "Alright, I am free for two hours. Before that let me remind you I cannot do strong and big inks."

The Russian man smirked like a cat who won a fish, you took him to the processing room and he explained you what he want. You went to your professional mode and focused clearly on making his dream comes true. You were bargaining with him to make the designs smaller and less bold, he finally gave in. You worked your drawing quickly and after he agreed, you prepared your tools.

To make it short, it was the longest two hours in your life. He was clearly stealing views of you concentrating, and he was throwing so many offensive and disturbing flirts. You almost lost your cool when he joked about how hot you would look like on bed. You promised you held yourself from not forcing the word "bastard" to his neck and you clearly knew Yuta and Jaehyun were both busy keeping eyes on you. You're focused on making a word out of Russian alphabet you didn't know.

"I am attached, so please stop. You're going over the line already." You exhaled when he tried to touch your lap. You quickly pushed his hand away and you rushed your work.

"I said stop! You're harassing me!" You tossed the pen to your metal tray, and you pushed your chair back. He was not totally harassing you physically, but he was mentally fucking you. You saw his tent and you decided you'll stop your work. Well you finished it right on time though.

"I can file a report and you can be trialed." You stood up from your stool, but he held you back faster.

"Let go off her," Yuta threw him a deadly gaze and swatted the man's hand.

"You won't, they wouldn't care. Look this tattoo's amazing. I'm leaving you 500! Take the change." He forced the bills in my hand and made his way out.

You stood there surprised and petrified. You're ashamed of yourself, but what would your boss say if he found out a client was not satisfied because the girl artist did not want to work on his body. You'll lose your favorite job, and no you don't want that to happen yet.

Yuta and Jaehyun comforted you and ensured that you were not assaulted physically or even harmed. You shook your head and a tear fell on your cheeks. "I am embarrassed of myself, I feel bad for Ten... and Fuck I blew up my relationship."

Yuta ensured nobody will know, or you hope so. The day continued and after some more picky madams with boring gossips, you went home with....well an extra $300. You actually hated the money, but 300 is a big number, you can either put it on donation or pay your rent. You decided to put it in the cashier box though, let your boss decide. Usually a 100 bucks is already a big tip, this is triple! But thinking back of his actions, you hate everything.

"You sure you're okay?" Johnny reaches for your hand and takes a good look on your body.

You giggle, "It's fine, he almost reached for my lap but I was faster! But his mind, I can't control that..."

Johnny nods, "Just avoid him okay, or tell your boss you cannot take him. Moving on, tell me about Ten!"

"About Ten, I just hope dating an idol can be more public." You swirl your wine that had been refilled.

Your mind one again brought you into a daze, you remembered two years ago when Ten knew you from his tattoo appointment. You were responsible for his temporary tattoo for a comeback. He knew you from Taeyong, fellow SuperM member who made the 'UNDER STAND' tattoo with your help. Ten likes the result and he asked Taeyong where he got it done.

To make it short, you frequently see one another from discussion, drawing, and planning. Ten and you learned about one another quickly while he was on his ink bed, and you're focused on drawing his perfect sketch on his arm. The meeting became frequent after three months where he needed another tattoo for a comeback.

After returning about ten times to have a retouch or a new design, Ten finally earned your number. From there, everything was so fast and you're suddenly on your third year of dating an international famous idol! You thought you were ready for everything, not going public, staying home most of the time for dates, wearing masks and keep being undercover, even having sleepless nights while waiting for his message when he's away on a world tour. You can go on with the list, but you decided to focus on the good things more.

You were okay with Ten being away from his phone most of the time. He always did his best to send you an update about him, be it one emoji, a selfie, or a whole long ass paragraph of how his day went. He couldn't call you that much because someone might eavesdrop.

So far, no one thought Ten is having a secret love relationship. There were small fights, but both of you can talk it out together with cool heads and bonded stronger after the fight. Ten could see you and him being a family in the future, he even boldly told you his parents can't wait to meet you.

You were okay with all of the relationship, you were okay with his fans, you supported him on concerts and voting, you basically love him too with all your heart. Only one thing actually made you sad.

"What is that one thing? Not posting it in social media?" your brother teases you.

You lean on the soft cushions; your finger carelessly fiddles with the tassels hanging around the blanket Johnny had wrapped around you. You toss your look to his curious face.

"I want to walk under the cold winter air beneath the romantic lights, hand in hand, warmth shared from I don't know his heat pack in his pocket maybe... Then imagine the Christmas Carols are softly whispering in the night, mistletoe is everywhere. It doesn't have to wait until Christmas... I just want it whenever we can." You plop a cheese into your mouth. Your eyes were glassy when they look into Johnny's

Johnny pulls you closer and you instinctively lean in and let him caresses your back.

"You're tipsy, can you still walk?"

You shot your eyes open, the hell did your brother just kicked you out? Hey it's night already! Shouldn't he let you sleep in??

"I am not going home! It's dangerous! What kind of brother are you? Telling your little sister to go home at this time." You hit him repeatedly.

Johnny rolls his eyes, you clearly had too much!

"WALK TO THE BED SIS, WALK TO MY ROOM AND SLEEP PROPERLY." Johnny stresses each of the word in case my ears did not caught them.

You look at him blankly and Johnny knew you're gone already. He swiftly picks you up and carries you to the bed. Nicely he tucks you in and he cleans up the mess in the living room.

He notices his phone vibrating; noticing it was Ten, he picks up the call.

"She's sleeping in tonight, you're on the dorm right?" Johnny asks.

Ten answers him his schedule for the week and how he's not going home. He also told Johnny what happened earlier this afternoon. Johnny smirks as he whispers a code to Ten.

__

Two weeks passed by, you already forgot your grudges to Ten. You try to be considerate to his hectic schedules. One cold afternoon, just after you finished working on your last client for today, you take your time cleaning the tools and sterilizing them. While humming to Love Talk, your favorite song, Jaehyun peeks from the curtain door.

"(Y/n), someone's looking for you." Jaehyun drags the curtain open. You pause your activity, for a moment; your eye brows quirked. You focus your mind to see if you missed an appointment, but no you're positive no one called you for a session this afternoon.

"Hmm, we still have time before closing time, so okay I'll take it."

You leave the room to see your client and you're surprised to see your boyfriend sitting on the waiting room.

"Ten!" You squeal out of surprise and joy. You run to hug him, well it has been three weeks since you last saw him in tangible state. Three weeks of video-calls and texts were quite satisfying, nevertheless.

Your boyfriend hugs you back and engulfs your smaller figure. He inhales the sweet scent of your shampoo he missed and how he wished the time can stop here right now.

"You're here for a new tat?" You ask after breaking the hug.

Ten shakes his head, "No, I got dismissed earlier and I want to pick you up!"

You blushed, hey that's so sweet of him. Unlike other boyfriends, having Ten walking in the sidewalk without his manager and body guards is a rare occurrence. Ten was always in the van or swarmed by fans! This afternoon however, here he is standing with a long winter coat, face hidden under a cap and a mask. He did not wear anything eye catching to avoid the media and saesangs. He did it! He made it here in your office without any missing piece or a trending twitter hashtag!

"Well we have another 20 minutes before my shift ends; do you need any help for a tattoo?" You smile at him. Hey planning a tattoo with Ten is always wonderful.

"You know we can always draw them together at home." He smirks and brushes my hair away from my face.

"Okay then, wait for a moment as we're tidying up." A big smile erupts from your lips and your heart is full of flowers!

--

"Good bye Jae, Yuta!" You wave your hand as the two men let you leave first while they close the doors.

Ten is already waiting for you on the front porch with his hidden face. You place your mask over your face too. You stick yourself next to Ten to hug his arm, his heart softens at the sight, how a soft girl like you can work as a tattoo artist with Yuta and Jaehyun (who both have enormous prints on their bodies).

Without any warning, Ten takes one of your hand into his, he holds yours tightly and slips them to his jacket pocket."It's a bit cold right? Now where should we go?"

Your eyes widen, usually he always brings you home directly since he cannot be in public for too long.

"Shall we just go home? I can cook dinner." You sound confused by his offer tonight.

Ten shakes his head, and drags you without any clue where are we headed.

You are so stunned when you find yourself finishing a nice dinner course at a new restaurant. Luckily it was not crowded yet and no one seems to notice Ten, but dinner was not the end of the surprise.

You stand frozen under the dazzling disco ball, beneath your feet are colorful light up tiles, surrounding you are the moving body of half-conscious people, and your ears are slowly aching from the loud music.

"Ten, can we go somewhere quiet, I can't talk." You lean in closer to scream into his ear and your boyfriend pulls you out of the crowded space.He brings you to the bar and helps you sit on one of the stool.

"One bourbon for me, and a vodka for this pretty lady." Ten smiles to the bartender.

After he takes his sit next to you, you raise your brow. He knows that code and he quickly reaches for your hands.

"You don't like dancing in the club? It's a Sunday Night, I thought some drinks won't hurt right?" Ten knows you're not new to these kinds of places.

You let out a free laugh, "I do love dancing in the club, I'm just surprised why you're suddenly doing this. Plus if you told me, I could have prepared for better attire!" You hit him playfully.

Ten takes your hand into his, "Well, you look great already, plus we must not catch attention right." He leans in closer to you.

Your eyes slowly move down over his nose and finally on his lips. Maybe it was the way they glistened under the dim light, or the tenderness you miss, or just simply his lip bites he always did when he's nervous! You feel gravity pulling you closer just to taste a tiny bit of it, but Ten moves back quickly when the bartender returns with two glasses of our drinks.

"Thank you!" Ten hands over the cash and offers you your glass. You found yourself stupid for almost kissing him in public. Rule number one of dating an idol is to never kiss on public.

"Sorry," You look everywhere but his eyes and gulp down your shot.

Ten just nods beside you and there was a bit of a tension between you and him. Maybe you're still embarrassed of your action, but Ten is actually enjoying your braver side.

"Let's hit the floor. I really miss dancing together." Ten easily picks you out of your stool and lands you gently on the floor. One shot of vodka won't make you drunk yet, but you spent your youth dancing on the dance floor, so this is nothing for you.

The DJ was wonderful tonight; his choices of songs are perfect and as the two of you are getting more and more heated up under the throbbing lights. The dance floor was crowded and there was not much space left. You share his body heat, you can feel his breath tickles your neck, and you can once again see his plump cherries. You drive your mind elsewhere, and move your body to the rhythm. You smile at him and he smiles back at you, with one deep glance the two of you inches closer and closer.

Your eyes grew heavy, vision dark, you let your other senses work, and you feel that warm plump lips touching yours. You caught your breath and after some time, he pulls back. The loud sound blasting through the speaker slowly disturbs your hearing again. You open your eyes slowly and stare into his deep eyes. He places his hands over your waist, pulls you into his arms, and the two of you sway to the loud slow music the DJ offers.

You're no longer thinking straight. You bury your face into his chest, you trust yourself into his lead and a single tear fell down.

When you hold me in the street

And you kiss me on the dance floor

I wish that we could be like that

Why can't we be like that, Cause I'm yours.

You know this is everything you need to face when dating an idol, and you cannot hate him for this. It was your decision to say yes to him. Your head spins, your ears deafened, your vision darkens, and you no longer feel your feet.

You lost your conscious; all of a sudden you're already lying down on your bed. Turning your head to the side, you see Ten sleeping by your side hugging you loosely while taking in calm and relaxed breath. You grit your teeth as you try your best to softly turn your body to face him.

In his warm embrace you snake your hand to ghost over his godly face to brush away the golden locks away from his eyes. You stare at his innocent face, you're overwhelmed. It's been a while since the last time you has Ten by your side when you sleep. He was always busy and thousands of miles away from you in a different time zone. You touch his cheeks and wipe a tear running down from your eye.

We keep behind closed doors

Every time I see you, I die a little more

Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls

It'll never be enough

Just the sound of his relaxed breathing and the slight touch of his arms over your waist, you finally found the missing warmth and peace you've always craved for bedtime. Having Ten lying next to you tonight sparked a small fire in your chest. You feel safe and you're so emotional. You snuggle closer to him, Ten stirs in his sleep but did not wake up, instead he naturally finds your body and fixes his posture to a comfortable position. You face his chest, right where you can see the tattoo you nicely did on his left chest (where he worked so hard to get his mom's permission) you smile when you remember how happy he was when he sneaked out to meet you to deliver the happy news.

Your heart flutters, he did not need to wake up to fit you into his embrace. Your relationship fits like a puzzle where each pieces were so different that you won't make mistakes. You want to believe that Ten is the one destined for you and so are you to him!

It's obvious you're meant for me

Every piece of you just fits so perfectly on me

Your mind plays thousands of silly scenarios. Most of them were happy, but you cannot lie that the darkest corner in your brain still repeatedly tricks you with nightmares. It was not the first time you have dreams about his fans finding out your relationship, you cannot imagine their faces and you cannot imagine living with the constant fear that one of those fans might kill you out of obsession!

Your insecurities also snatch your confidence away whenever you see Ten standing on a stage with another "oh so perfect" girl idols or models or hell actresses! Not to mention the flirty look those back up dancers always toss to your man. Well, they might be throwing flirts on him because they did not know Ten is attached already; however, even when they know 90% will fight harder and the rest 10% will let go. You're living in fear, in terror that one day when you wake up Ten can no longer be beside you.

You break your own promise about always telling one another your fears and struggles. You hide them behind your cheerful smile, you blame yourself for over thinking, and you make sure Ten will never know that. You are learning every day to put the negative thoughts away and focus on the good ones. Ten needs your support, Ten loves you, and you believe that. You can sleep a bit after convincing your heart that the man hugging you here is an angel made for you!

Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep

But I'll never show it on my face

Your eyes flung open when you feel the sudden drop of temperature. Your hand reaches to your side in panic and you peek to see that it's no longer occupied. You stretch yourself to wake up, Ten might be away already for his schedule. You take your phone to see any message he probably left, but there were none. You glance to the door, it was closed. There are no traces of Ten, not his shirt, not even his phone.

Once the room door was opened, your nose is filled with a fresh smell of bacon and eggs. Your smile returns when you see Ten only in his boxer and apron. You can hear your washing machine working and when you look at the door, you smile when you see a pile of your laundry and his outfits are there.

"Morning princess, I'm sorry I have to run the laundry for my clothes...since someone happened to spill a drink over me yesterday and I'm not going back to the dorm with a smelly outfit." Ten explains while flipping an egg over. He sets the fire to a lower heat and turns his body to see you.

You can only smile like a dumb love-struck girl (which is not wrong). You make your way to jump and hug him. Ten automatically receives you in his arms and you dip your head down to greet your lover with a sweet morning kiss. In between the sweet kiss, you can see Ten smiling like he enjoys these kinds of cheesy morning things.

"You better stop kissing me," Ten speaks up on our short breaks, he kisses you one more time, "Or I will burn the eggs."

You laugh and toss your head back, you take your queue to jump off him and Ten quickly saves his egg from burning. "Just right in time," He smirks when he plates the last egg on the dish.

"Please take your seat miss, breakfast by your hottest man is ready." He sits down across you with one plate of the same menu. From your request, Ten did not take off his apron. No you do not need a distraction this early!

Your mind records every single moment Ten giggles and laughs, his wake up state is already so lovely and you cannot imagine how perfect your mornings will be if the two of you finally tie the knot and live together. You can only keep that in your small heart, a really simple dream you wish you can achieve. Living with Ten for the rest of your life, why? Because you know he is the man made for you. But are you the woman made for him?

You finish your breakfast and as the washing machine finished its job in drying the clothes too, you hear his phone rings. Ten glances at the buzzing noise. You toss him a small smile before leaning in to kiss him and walking away to take the laundries. You pick up his shirt, Ten does his duty to wash the dishes and pan he used.

"Let me iron this quickly," You disappear to at least send him off to work in a nice attire.

Ten places the last dish on the drying rack and he starts to pack all of his stuffs, he brushes his hair and teeth, puts his cap back on and his eyes soften when he sees you coming back with a neat shirt.

He finally takes off his apron and with your help, put on his tidy sweet smelled shirt. Secretly Ten loves your laundry soap and that's one reason why he used your washing machine. He wants to smell like you!

"So, when can I see you again?" You ask as you fix his collar. You're facing him and only inches away from his nose.

Ten smiles and puts his hands over your waist, he leans in to stare deeper into your eyes, "Whenever you want miss! I'm only one call away," he winks.

Both of your face are slowly erasing the gap between you two and just as you close your eyes his phone abruptly kills the mood. You pull your face back and you can see Ten cussing at the caller.

"Damn Lucas! Such a mood breaker! I told him I am coming in 10 minutes," Ten presses the red button and pockets his phone. You burst out laughing, of course it must be Lucas!

"Well, guess you will want to go before Kun calls you! Thanks for yesterday and today and everything!" You hug him and bury your face on his chest. "I wish you can come often and do my dishes!" You taunt your tongue.

Ten ruffles your hair and kisses your forehead for the last time, "Okay, I need to go now. You also need to prepare yourself for work."

You nod and note the time, it's an hour to the store opening hours, you need to get ready.

"Bye love, take care! I love you." Ten walks to the exit after putting on his coat and shoes.

"Love you more!" You stand by his side facing by the exit door.

"Love you most," he winks and finally pulls his cap to cover his face and puts his mask on. He finally turns around and walks to the lift.

You return to your room, taking a bath and getting ready for another long week. You believe if you can get through this, your dream of living with Ten will be clearer and brighter.

Your day goes on and you cannot lie whenever you see him on social media, a website, a magazine, or a music show, even from the talks from your customers, you cannot throw the disturbing insecurities away from your mind.

Is our love hopeless?

Will the world accepts me as his significant other?

Will his family love me?

Will he even stay by my side, or will he found someone new who is better than me?

Those are the things you cannot spill to him that haunt you every time he is away.

You play with the promise ring Ten gave you on your two years anniversary. The dark minds foreshadowing your mind suddenly disappear just as you remember the same words Ten always recites, "You're the puzzle that fits into me, why would I let you go? Trust me and wait for me, I love you more than anything!"

With that, your smile erupts back into your face and the rainbow in your heart plus mind is back. You know you just have to trust Ten the same way he trusts you! Life will bring you two together if it is meant to be, and fate will also play a part.

Because Trust is everything you need for an everlasting love story right?

[implodingcacti]

Hi, I worked graveyard at a hotel for 2 years.

Tonight’s my last night. I want to share some stories with you, because this job has been fucking wild.

When I interviewed for the job, my future GM asked if I was a good person (I said yes), complained about the American healthcare system for 30 minutes, and then hired me on the spot. That was my entire interview. He said he trusted me fully because my friend recommended me for the job.

This is the same friend who tried to get me to buy her cigarettes with a school ID because she had left hers at home. Our school IDs were printed on cardstock and laminated by the secretary. I told her it would not work because it looked like a shitty fake ID.

It did not work.

This surprised her.

Also the same friend who had a tan minivan, drove us to Starbucks during an off period in high school, almost crashed because she was smoking, and hit two people’s cars in the parking lot.

Love her.

The first employee I met got into an argument in front of me with her boyfriend. They fought loudly. Afterwards, she asked if I wanted a lollipop.

She got fired like a month afterwards because she took the money from the drawer. This was not the first time she had been fired for this.

I worked with a guy who I’m going to call S. S was a bald white guy who looked like a attorney who couldn’t leave his job. Or a depressed bank manager who’s wife divorced him. He was a very nice man.

I told him this one day on shift change. He thought this was fucking hilarious.

S also used to be a drug dealer. He got busted for selling drugs at this hotel years ago, went to prison, all that shit. My manager hired him after he got out. He thought this story was very funny.

We had a permanent resident named Joe. He was the nicest fucking guy. I chatted with him in the mornings when I set up breakfast. I miss him so much.

He doesn’t live at the hotel any more. This is depressing.

A man threatened to beat me up for flirting with his wife, because he saw us laughing in the lobby. I tried to tell him that I was not interested in his wife, who was 30 years older than me and also not my type. He was still angry.

I texted my manager this. He told me that if the man tried anything, we have, and I quote, “a big ass wrench” next to the safe. He gave me permission to hit the guy with it.

The wrench is, in fact, really fucking big.

A sexline operator called me once, while I was working. This was uncomfortable for me, a very ace then-19 year old. We got into an argument because she claimed I had called her.

Actually just... lots of people liked treating me like phonesex operators. Apparently people’s kinks are listening to room rates. Please do not do this to the people working front desk.

While we’re here, I got invited to a threesome once. The people who invited me? They watched me clock in to do shift change. They asked literal minutes after I clocked in. There is only one person at front desk. They asked after the other guy left.

I declined. For obvious reasons.

The other guy was S, who laughed about it when I told him the next day.

That time that they fired someone and another person left and we were short staffed for a month, so there were two days a week I’d come in at midnight, leave at 6AM, and then come in at noon for another 6 hour shift.

I hated that. Never again.

There was a raid on a hotel across the street. I watched it happen with Joe. He told me shit was wild. I agreed.

My GM would just... text me. At random times of day. To ask how many we had in house.

It was never when I was working.

He was always disappointed that I couldn’t tell him because I wasn’t working.

The time I had to crawl partially under a bed in a smoking room to help a guy get his cat. She was a good cat.

A lady told me a man was outside with a chainsaw and she’d seen him murder someone. Understandably, I was concerned, because she was shaken up and my hearing is godawful. I called the cops, who took things very seriously until she said the chainsaw man had no head in her physical description.

apparently she was on a very bad drugs trip. I learned this the next time I had to call the non-emergency number, because one of the cops from that incident showed up and told me.

A guy died in a room. Normally, you’d think this would be relayed with more urgency. I found about it when I was doing shift change with S. He told me this, and then proceeded to complain about an unrelated room and called them assholes.

The guy’s car was here for 8 months. The company he worked for wanted us to ship the car out to them. We told them they’d have to cover the shipping charge. They refused, and then S got the title to the car.

A guy once threatened to call the cops on me because I told him he couldn’t check into his room 10 hours early without paying an early check in fee. He wanted to call the cops because Expedia said it was 24 hour check in, and it was false advertisement.

He made the mistake of doing this right before I had to head out for a camp. I laughed at him, told him I’d willingly call the cops for him, and that I would love to have them come down.

A scam call once got angry with me because I wouldn’t authorize a purchase.

They pretended to call my manager. I laughed when they did it, because I could hear the phonecall.

My manager had a very particular way of speaking. He was very slow when talking. They did not take this into account.

I told him about this the next shift, of course, and he did not believe me. It was during shift change, luckily, so I did a faux phone call with another coworker, who had worked there for years. Both of them thought it was funny that I had his timing and general tone down.

The scam artists told me I was fired because my manager was, quote, “extremely disappointed in me”. I told them I was glad, because it meant I could go home early.

(My manager told me I wasn’t fired when I told him he had apparently fired me. I asked if he was still disappointed. He laughed.)

When we changed the clock-in system and I had to text our hotel manager whenever I clocked in and out.

A guy tried to tell me that I wasn’t qualified to check him into a room because women are all stupid. I asked him if he wanted to talk to the manager. He said yes, and the manager called him an idiot.

The other time someone told me I wasn’t qualified to check them in because I took too long, and I offered to let her come in and check herself in. Our servers were updating. She declined, because she didn’t work here. I told her she was just going to have to be patient.

Kicked someone out of the hotel once. He came back 30 minutes later to try and re-rent his room. I told him no. He thought I was just joking about him being kicked out.

My GM tried for like 8 months to get me to date another coworker. He made jokes about giving him a raise so he could take me out to dinner.

I do not think my GM knew I was very gay.

The coworker did not take me out to dinner.

The one drunk college student from Germany who I made friends with in the breakfast room, and his significantly less drunk friend.

they both said trans rights, i’m still crying

Drunk men are assholes. Drunk women are godsends.

One night, a lady told me my eyes were pretty, and when I had to help her to the door, she called me gorgeous and said I smelled nice.

her friends were so embarrassed

i forgot how to speak

That same night, a drunk guy said he hated his wife and that he hated me too after calling me an asshole. His wife came in after he said this. I felt bad for her.

Occasionally people would stop at the front desk on their way back from the gas station, and would come bearing gifts of usually drinks. It was always nice.

one time a guy offered me weed brownies

i declined because i was worried about

The guy who stopped at the front desk to ask where the nearest Starbucks was, because his girlfriend wanted a frappuccino, and he was gonna get her one so she could have it in bed.

He came back as I was clocking out.

His girlfriend had dumped him on his way back.

I felt really bad, because this man had peak “dumb of ass but chugs respecting women juice” energy.

Incidentally, I got a free Starbucks frap.

Someone was convinced I was colorblind because I told him that I thought his blue cup was neat.

It was a purple cup.

i did not know how to tell him i was not colorblind, i am just an idiot

Our GM moved to Texas and we didn’t see him for like a year. He was the GM of 2 other hotels. Apparently, he said he was living at all three.

Some dude came into the hotel once night. I tried talking to him. He started signing. I do not know sign, and apologized, and then grabbed a paper to write back and forth with him.

The man made me learn fingerspelling and we instead did this back and forth.

I thought nothing of this, and he came by a few times to chat with me, albeit incredibly slowly.

During shift change, he came in again. I explained to my relief that he only signed. He nodded, and then told me that he had been “healed by a grace act of God, and could now hear and talk.”

He then tried to tell me to come to church to celebrate this miracle.

He told me he was actually fine. He was just choosing to learn ASL and wanted me to participate for the “immersion of it all”, so that I might “find the lord and accept him once more into my heart”.

yes, this was in fact, some white person bullshit

Also in line with white people bullshit, the guy who said he could tell I had a strained relationship with my half-sister but a good relationship with my youngest sister, that my father would recover from the divorce, and that my engagement would be fine. He said it was because I was a Leo cusp, and then said that Kimberly was a good name for me and that I chose well.

i am not a leo. i was born in december

i have no sisters

i have never been engaged

my parents are (somehow) still married

i was wearing a nametag. angeles does not sound or look anything like kimberly

They sold the hotel last year to new owners. Nobody knew until an email got sent out that said we “probably would still have our jobs”.

I argued with my new manager about a raise. He didn’t want to give it to me. I told him he had to, because I was working minimum wage, and the minimum wage had gone up.

the AAA guy who was a real big dick when I asked him to repeat himself and joked about women being bad at jobs.

He asked me if there were any discounts. I refused to give him any, because we had none for him.

He asked if I knew if there was any discount that would make him stop asking me stupid questions. I sighed and said “No, but god I fucking wish there was.”

Tonight, a lady asked me what our beta fish’s name is. I don’t know. She decided to name him Benny, and then asked me to come up with a name. I panicked and said Soap. This was apparently the right answer, because she nodded sagely and said I chose wisely.

[purplesurveys]

718

If you lived in Bikini Bottom, would you befriend Spongebob or Plankton? Obviously Spongebob. I’m there to have a good time and catch jellyfish, not eat holographic meatloaf and make it my life’s goal to steal a secret formula. Do you have any bananas in your house right now? I think we still have some left. My dad bought a pack? a group? a bunch? of them so he can make banana cue and turon for my mom and sister while we’re all stuck at home for the meantime. Which overrated tattoo are you sick of seeing? Eh I don’t judge this easily since I assume tattoos mean a lot to people but where I’m from, line tattoos are pretty overused. They DO look nice and I get why they’ve been trending for a while, but yeah they’re evvvvvverywhere. Is it easy to distract you? Yes haha I have a rather quick attention span. Do you prefer to drink from glasses or mugs? Depends on the drink. I drink my water from a glass but I prefer my coffee in a mug, that sort of thing.

What was the last thing you taught a younger kid? I don’t feel confident teaching kids just yet, huhu. It usually works the other way around: when I’m with kids, they teach me how to play their toys or whatever game they’re playing on their parents’ phone/iPad. Are the clocks in your house mostly digital or analog? We only have one analog clock. We mostly tell the time from our phones. How long have you had your television(s)? Answered this before but we have two TVs that are 12 years old and two others that were bought within the last decade. Do you like watching movies made with CGI or do you prefer hand-drawn ones? I don’t care. As long as the end product is done well I can enjoy the movie. Where did your parents buy their car(s)? I know for sure the two family cars were bought directly from the official dealers. I think mine was a secondhand one. Do you know why your grandparents chose your mother's name? No. I think they just liked the name. That makes me want to ask my grandma though. What is your favourite kind of soup? Miso is the only one I really like. Have you ever made your own musical instrument? Nope. What do you think of Leighton Meester's singing voice? I only know one song of hers and I reeeeeally loved that when it came out, but I don’t think it’s enough for me to have an opinion for her music altogether. I definitely don’t hate her voice though. Do you think you'd do well at teaching the English language to a foreigner? Yeah, it’s my other everyday language and I’m a little bit more fluent in it than I am in Filipino. How long have your neighbours lived there? About the same time as us, I think. We all moved in at sort of the same time when the village was newly developed. Is it weird to hear your name in movies or TV shows? It’s not a very common name so it does feel a bit weird to hear, yes. It’s weirder if I have to refer to the character in third person cause I never liked saying my own name :/ Why do so many people seem to hate the Jonas Brothers? Am assuming this refers to the Jonas Brothers pre-reunion because I’m sure no one hates them and their new music now lmao. I think, simply put, it was because they were teenagers then, and pre-teen and teenage girls was their main fanbase? Most people liked to shit on that category of celebrities, even today – case in point, Justin Bieber, 5SOS, One Direction haha. What is a store you like that is exclusive to your country? Fully Booked! It’s the most complete, up-to-date, and chic bookstore brand we have. The Fully Booked branch in BGC in particular is a partnership with Starbucks, so you can immediately walk over there to get a coffee and read after buying a book heh. If you attend school, what time do you usually get home after? I always have extracurriculars like org stuff, meetings, or fieldwork after my academic schedule so more often than not I’ll get home by 9 or 10 PM, which leaves me feeling exhausted as fuck at the end of the day. When was the last time you really needed to just let loose? Like two weeks ago? I was bored out of my mind being stuck at home so I chugged a lot of soju that I asked my dad to buy so I can at least be drunk while being bored lol. Have you ever been blackmailed? Kinda. There was a time when I didn’t talk to my sister and didn’t really feel well enough to reconcile with her yet, but my mom threatened to go to our class guidance counselor and expose me and ‘the kind of older sister I am’ if I didn’t make amends with my sister immediately.

This might sound sarcastic but thanks, survey, for reminding me what kind of mom my mother actually was during the years that were the most critical to my development lmao. I always need reminders like this because despite how our relationship has ‘improved’ now that I’m older, I shouldn’t forget the trauma she caused me and the fact that I had always planned to detach myself from her as much as possible once I’m fully independent. I can’t disappoint my younger self by keeping her in my life as if nothing happened.

Do you suffer from Restless Leg Syndrome? No. I keep forgetting what that means. Would you rather have novels based on your life or a series of comic books? Novels, so I’d be more interested to read it. Have you written a resume before, either for yourself or someone else? I did a resumé when I applied for my internship. Did you know that they plan on releasing a movie based on The Smurfs? This survey is sooooooo old hah they’ve made a bunch of films on it already. Do you ever wonder what it would be like to live underwater? Not really. Mostly I’ve just wondered what it would be like to be a creature from the deep sea, where it’s totally dark and most of the animals there look prehistoric as fuck lol. Have you ever worked in a bakery? If not, would you like to? No but this question reminded me of Harry Styles, aw :’) ANYWAY if I did I’d probably take up a job in the office, since I can neither bake nor deal with people on a regular basis even if one argues that bakeries aren’t really particular spots for angry Karens or Barbaras. What is your favourite thing about snow? I like that we don’t get them because it’s bound to make my first encounter with snow in the future magical as fuck. Is there a big personality difference between you and your sibling(s)? Yeah. I tend to adapt to new environments way better than they do and I’m definitely the most extroverted of the three in all aspects.  Do you enjoy decorating things with stickers? Hahahah yes, it’s an uncontrollable urge. I keep my stickers to just my laptop case these days, but back then I used to put stickers on my phone case, my ID case, clipboard, wallet, etc. Did you lose anything recently? Did you end up finding it? I lose my hair tie every now and then; my hair’s a bit short for a ponytail now so my hair tie gradually slips out my hair with me barely noticing it, so it always ends up in random places around the house. I do end up finding it after a while but it gets frustrating whenever I realize it had fallen off again. What colour oven mitts do you have? We don’t really use the oven so we barely use the ones we have. I don’t even know the color of it.

Why do you/don't you watch award shows? Because there are sooo many commercials in the middle of it, some presenters are awkward as fuck and I’d rather save myself from the secondhand cringe, and most of the time the choices for the winners are undeserving and end up pissing everyone off. It’s always easier to just wait a few hours and check the results on Google; and besides, the only fun parts are seeing what everyone is wearing and who attends to begin with hah. What do you think of Ellen DeGeneres as the new judge on American Idol? God this was a lifetime ago. I think I mostly didn’t mind it but I never did get over the replacement of the OGs Randy, Simon, and Paula. Do you ever do the exercises featured in some magazines? No. Have you ever watched What The Buck? What do you think of it? I don’t think I’ve heard of that. How long ago did you switch from cable to satellite, if you did? We didn’t make a ‘switch,’ per se. We had cable in our old home but when we moved to our current house in 2008, having extra channels wasn’t really the priority as moving already entailed a whole lot of expenses to begin with. That meant we only had free TV for a while which was extremely fucking boring, but eventually my dad got us satellite in like 2011 or 2012. When was the last time you partnered up with someone to complete something? I decided to partner up with Andrew for my undergraduate thesis in like August last year. Do you consider Lady GaGa's appearance artistic, or just plain weird? Artistic. What do you usually do when you have trouble sleeping? I put a lengthy YouTube video on so I can fall asleep to the background noise. At least that’s what I do these days - I always thought I needed complete silence to fall asleep, but apparently that’s not the absolute case. What was the last thing you used scissors for? I opened a sachet of 3-in-1 coffee.

Have you ever used some kind of food as a facial mask? Nah I always just use Korean sheet masks. How many USB cords do you have lying around? I personally don’t have any but I do have a hard drive. Are you satisfied with your social life (or lack thereof)? I’m very satisfied with it and I’m glad I got to open up in college. Do you know anybody whose initials spell something? Sure. What is your favourite flavour of Kool-Aid? I’ve never had Kool-Aid. Is there a specific food you think NEEDS to be at Christmas dinner? My grandma’s steak. Would you be able to re-string a guitar? I wouldn’t even know where to buy guitar strings. What TV show do you just assume you wouldn't like? How I Met Your Mother, just because their fans love to make fun of and compare their oh-so-great show to Friends so much when I’ve never seen a single Friends fan make fun of HIMYM like ????? Why the one-sided, unsolicited hate??? I was always planning to watch the show and appreciate Friends and HIMYM at the same time but because the fans are so pathetic I just stopped wanting to watch it altogether. Do your friends have more money than you? Seems unfair to pit ourselves against one another when we’re all still depending on our parents’ money lmao. Who always has the power to make you feel intimidated? Ate Frances has always had a very strong personality. Do you have more bread or cheese in your house? Bread. What was the last movie trailer you saw? Not sure. I don’t really like trailers since most of them give away too much of the plots already. Did you purchase any meat product when you were at the store last? My dad did. Have you ever been told that you have chubby cheeks? Well I don’t, so no I’m not usually told this lol. Do you know how to properly use a saw? Nope. Isn't it a shame that what Kanye West did at the VMA's overshadowed what was supposed to be a night dedicated to Michael Jackson? Hahahaha not really, I found it hilarious and so so stupid. There were a billion other tributes to MJ that year that went smoothly so it doesn’t really matter to me if the 2009 VMAs will always be known as the Imma-let-you-finish VMAs.

[arigatouiris]

out of my league // t. h — 02

Pairing: Tom Holland x Critic! Reader [I use female pronouns]

Warnings: swearing; eventual fluff; angst; hurt/comfort; a little bit of cliche because come on.

A/N: If Tom seems a bit out of character here, I apologize. This is after all, my first time writing for him, and it’s all based other fanfiction I’ve read about him or how I see him on screen. Do let me know what you think, it’d be great if some of you had pointers! 

Also, the story does start out a bit slow in the beginning, but trust me, there’s a lot of stuff that’s going to happen that can potentially make things very, very interesting. So hoping to see your reactions~

Thanks for all the love and support, darlings~ 

Word count: 2845 

Series Masterlist

 01 | 02 | 03 |

Ch. 02

At times when (y/n) was not critiquing, she found herself buried in books. She would never call herself an avid reader because she was working most of the time, and for her, reading to write a review didn’t come under reading for fun. 

     It had been close to a year since she had read anything that she didn’t have to critique, and for the first time, she felt a tad bit cheerful for it. It was a book called The Girl Who Fell From The Sky, and narratives such as these always caught her eye. However, this wasn’t how it used to be. Things before never phased her when she was buried into a book; she could man any distraction and not let it come between her mystic connection with the book she held in her hands. However, now, being an adult changed everything.

    (y/n) found it hard to maintain concentration—this didn’t mean that the book wasn’t interesting; she found it interesting enough, though, whenever her phone went off for a notification, her eyes would instantly lift off the page and land on her phone. 

The hate mail fell in number, but they came nonetheless. While some were personal, others were not too fond of her physique and mannerisms on social media. (y/n) had to shut down and deactivate Facebook, Instagram, and didn’t bother to even check Twitter after the fiasco. It had been three days since her break and last conversation with Mr. Holland, after which he hadn’t tried contacting her or approaching her for another apology.

But, these days, journalists made sure that the shelf life for any news story lasts longer than it intentionally was supposed to last. It wasn’t as if they had something against (y/n), it was simply them doing their jobs, and making sure they get enough viewership and interaction with the audience as possible. And here, in London, people loved the best Spiderman, and people loved the man who played the tragic character, Lionel—Tom Holland. 

And even if (y/n) never personally attacked Tom, and attacked instead a writer who was always constantly attacked by even the most amateur of critics, news channels made sure to squeeze as much juice out of this story—(y/n)—as possible.

    And this meant going through her critiquing history.

That Wednesday night, (y/n) remembered watching Love, Actually for the thousandth time, alone in her little cozy home, ignoring the rain outside during the monsoons that pervaded London. After the movie ended, teary eyed for being the secret romantic that she was, (y/n) swiped across random channels until her eyes fell on a picture of herself on television. Immediately, she checked the time. It was over 9 o’ clock. It was prime time. She was doomed.

How am I not off the news yet? Really? They’re going to punish me for doing my job? The tears, they fell now because of the news and not Hugh Grant’s handsomeness. Covering her mouth with both hands, she watched in shock as Jenny began to narrate another story of hers. A story she hadn’t thought was serious.

    “Turns out that our favourite critic,” Jenny gestured sarcastically, “had also gotten into a small duel with another actor before Tom.”

    “That did not happen.” (y/n) whispered, grimacing at the screen.

    “Apparently, after having viewed the hit movie, Do You Remember Us? starring Chris Evans, (y/n) had written a nasty review about the direction of the movie!”

(y/n) groaned. Chris was such a sweetheart, she remembered fondly. He even made a statement on the internet saying how much he liked the review and how he understands the displeasure several fans felt with the way the film was directed. 

     Slow and neat in the first half and rushed toward the end—forcing an exit for the character in the movie, which wasn’t called for in the slightest. But, journalists never pay heed to comments that could lighten the bruise on the person in question. It was almost as if news channels were bullying her for being a critic, and perhaps, it was because she had made so many others in the past very unhappy for the reviews she had written.

    She knew when she got into this job that it wasn’t appreciated by several artists. Years and years put into bettering her best, (y/n)’s words were considered truth almost, for how raw and real her critiquing style was. She made it a point to talk about good things and bad things in every movie or TV show or book she criticized, and criticizing never meant just saying bad things. 

Movie directors would often appreciate her good reviews and saw that more people turned up to their films after the review was published. And even if she had written a disappointing review, (y/n) always made it a point to never badmouth any artist—it was their hard work at the end of the day. A vision that they saw, which perhaps didn’t deliver in the best way for the audience. And this is no one’s fault. Rushed or otherwise, (y/n) ensured that her reviews, bad or good, would talk about the importance of art as a whole.

But, all of that didn’t matter right then. She was hated because Tom Holland “hated” her review and didn’t agree with her. No other celebrity had ensued a statement for her review in such a way before, not directly at least. Displeased writers or directors would contact her personally and ask for an explanation, which she would handle very professionally.

     If only Tom had contacted her—not that he had any right to since there was nothing bad written about her in that review. If only he had read the entire review, he could have seen how (y/n) had mentioned some of the key writing skills that Jean did possess.

She stood up immediately, with a newfound confidence. Heading to the kitchen counter, this decision of hers that popped up out of nowhere, had in fact, come from one place—loneliness and sadness; the two often came together, and weren’t good influences. 

     Picking up the bottle of wine carefully, (y/n) didn’t bother about taking a glass out. The wine bottle had already been opened the night she had written the review, it needn’t be poured into the glass at the moment. I don’t care anymore, she thought before gulping down a mouthful of the red wine, which stung the back of her throat the second it was swallowed. She was never really too much of a drinker, but the night called for it. Turning off the television, (y/n) decided to drink with the quiet tune of her raging thoughts.

    It took five such gulps and fifteen more minutes for her to officially fall under the dangerous level of intoxication. She was giggling at nothing now, teary eyed for reasons that all fell under moronic during normal circumstances. Intoxication had its own way of letting you know how alone you are in the world; of how to doubt your choices, and how to not be proud of them. 

These thoughts came slowly and almost hesitantly, but when they came, it was as if they were welcome.

Her phone rang, but she didn’t pick the call. She thought of Jean, and she thought of how she wanted to call him up—she had his contact from a few earlier reviews, all of which were not so pleasant—and she thought of demanding an explanation. She thought of Susannah, of how she once thought of her manager as the nicest person on the planet, but was someone who only cared first for the firm and (y/n) came slowly following behind like a lost puppy. 

     She thought of all the years of hard work she had put to come to a position where writing those reviews made her money. She worked as a reporter, and on the desk, and almost everywhere and overtime to get to this spot—and it was snatched from her for simply doing her job.

    And she thought of Tom Holland. The attractive and kind actor, whose performance as Spiderman in the Avengers series tore a hole in her heart. She remembered how she sobbed uncontrollably when Peter Parker faded into dust in Tony’s arms. She remembered how she sobbed uncontrollably when he was brought back, again in Tony’s arms. She thought of all the nice things she had written about Tom, the bubbling little high school girl crush that was dormant inside of her led to further disappointment since it was the very same Tom that had taken her hard work away.

As if it were a reverie, drunk (y/n) noticed her phone ringing at last. Trudging toward her device, she saw that the caller ID wasn’t visible. And just as she was about to pick the call, the call ended. In her intoxicated state, she checked how many times this person had called her—there were four missed calls. Blinking a couple of times, and before she lay her phone back on the couch, it rang again. This time, she picked. And this time, she didn’t care if she sounded drunk.

    “Who is it~?” Her voice was sing song.

There was shuffling on the other side, and no answer.

    “Are you... another journalist? Calling to get a note from me for the review I wrote—”She was hiccuping now. “I’m sorry, so yeah. Where was I?” She giggled after this sentence.

It was as if the person on the other end was simply waiting. (y/n) took this as a positive for her questions.

    “I knew it! Okay, okay, okay. Whaddaya wanna know?” She dragged the ‘o’ at the end of her question.

    “I didn’t even write anything bad about Tom… Did you guys even—”Hiccup. “—read the review? Don’t my old reviews count anymore?” She dragged the ‘ore’ at the end of her question. “I wrote such nice things for Tom before! Even on here! I can’t believe he made that satement, oops. I meant, statement. Sorry.”

There was still no voice on the other end.

    “I just did my job, really.” Her voice was low now and perhaps, the intoxication had reached the level of sadness, which allowed her to cry. “I don’t want to be hated on like this.. I pretend as if those words don’t hurt me, but they do!” She dragged the ‘oo’ in the end of her sentence.

    “I’m sorry.” Came a voice that she couldn’t recognize.

    “You have nothing to be sorry for, journalist.” She said, smiling wide, tears falling down her cheeks.

When the call ended, (y/n) decided she had had enough. Going to bed seemed the only viable option, after having such an intense conversation with a stranger.

    “Is something the matter?” Harry asked, staring at his brother.

    “Yeah, your face is funny.” Sam said, grinning.

Tom looked up at his brother with a straight face.

    “I meant, you look very sad over somethin’. Is everything alright?”

Tom sighed. It was the kind of sigh you sigh when something is so wrong and you blame nothing but yourself for leading it there. Harry and Sam looked at each other before looking back at their brother. Tessa was asleep next to Tom, and if she could talk, maybe she’d know what was up in Tom’s mind.

    I feel so bad for her, Tom thought, recalling the conversation (or the lack thereof) he had with (y/n) over call a couple of hours ago. She was quite obviously drunk, another fact he felt terrible for. Tom was quite an observant person, and he could hear it in her tone how sad she actually was. 

As if a shock came over his body, Tom quickly opened his phone and browsed for her reviews—the ones she had written on Spiderman and Avengers; the ones she had mentioned were nice.

    Tom felt worse for not having read them before. She had written descriptively on how well thought out the movie was, and had even mentioned Tom’s improvisation at the end (the scene where he said he didn’t want to go, as Tony Stark held him in his hands). He sighed once more, the same distressed sigh, and rubbed his hand under his jaw. 

     He had called to apologize, having seen her in the news. It was the first time he had seen her face, (e/c) eyes and a nice smile, her hair neat and kempt. Another failed apology, he thought before laying back on the couch.

The next morning, Tom called her first thing, during his morning run. For a second he thought maybe it was too early and that she might still be asleep, but when she picked the call, he felt his heart skyrocket.

    “Hi, I called you last night—”

    “That was you?!” She didn’t sound pleased.

Tom chuckled nervously.

    “Oh my God, you heard me when I was drunk? Couldn’t you have stopped me! This is so embarrassing!”

    “No, no! I didn’t mind! I mean—” Shit, what am I saying? “I meant, I can understand. You don’t have to feel embarrassed—”

    “Mr. Holland, I did not want to cry out my sorrows to you when I was intoxicated. You could have at least let me know that it was you on the other end. What was that?!”

Tom was quiet. He knew he had stressed her out, but now he genuinely wanted to help. He stayed up almost half the night reading so many of her reviews, seeing how she had never insulted a single artist or writer for their art, but only criticized the story. Tom, who had no idea how critiques were written or what thought went into it (and had only believed it was saying bad things, honestly), had finally learned that there was more to criticising than met the eye. (y/n) was a hard working woman, and Tom had somehow made things quite difficult for her.

    “Listen, (y/n), can I call you that?”

There was no response. Perhaps, she had understood that he had something to say, and was allowing him the chance to speak.

    “(y/n), I really want to apologize for what happened. I made a mistake and reacted hastily. I’m going to make things right, but I want to run it by you once before I do it. Please let me apologize to you properly over coffee? I insist—”

    “I already told you, Tom,” his heart beat faster at the way she said his name. It made him feel terrible. Her talking reminded him of his guilt. “I don’t want to meet you for coffee, and if I can recall, I asked you to leave me be.”

    “Yes! Yes, you did. But, listen, I just feel so terrible—Oh my God.”

What Tom saw was a bunch of photographers heading his way. Recognizing him was fairly easy, and because he was on call, he had forgotten to take the path that could have avoided the early morning paparazzi that was waiting for him at the “posh” end of town. Tom groaned before turning around hastily and making a run for it, looking like a complete fool for doing so the way he did, but there was no other faster reaction his brain offered.

    “Hello?” (y/n) was growing impatient.

    “I really have to call you back, (y/n), I am so sorry—”

    “Don’t call me back. Good day, Mr. Holland.”

And there goes another wasted effort for an apology.

Tom didn’t call her back. Not like she expected him to, she had made things too hard for him to apologize. She half expected him to tell one of his friends about how he’s tried so hard to apologize and how she’s being so hard on him—and this invariably getting on the news as well, garnering more hate for her. 

     (y/n) licked her lips before putting on a white baggy sweater. She sat at the edge of her bed and brought her legs up and folded them under her, before grabbing the book she was reading earlier. Just as she read a sentence, her house bell rang.

    “Coming!” She called out, before stopping midway.

What if they’re journalists? It couldn’t have been hard for them to find out where I live, her heart was beating at 300 mph at the moment with the mere thought that it could be reporters at her doorstep. She didn’t have the heart nor the energy to deal with any other person at the moment. Her heart had already been damaged way too much.

    The bell rang once more, and her heart along with it.

(y/n) cursed loudly for not having a peephole through which she could have seen who was on the other side. She had to open the door before finding out who was on the other side. Shutting her eyes and quickly muttering a prayer to who knows what, (y/n) opened the door.

And the shocked face she made perhaps didn’t startle Tom as much as his awkwardly smiling face startled her.

series taglist: 

@strangemaximoff​​, @aestheticgaybish​, @noobmaster63​​, @why-are-all-the-teens-gay​​, @wonders-of-the-multiverse​​, @boushalaivre​​, @jackiehollanderr​​, @nerdypisces160​​, @yourwonderbelle​, @quackson606​, @stickyqueenbouquetsstuff

[ohlukcs]

( alex wolff, male ) did you hear how LUKAS TOZER is applying to columbia university as a FILM & MEDIA STUDIES major ?! the 19 year old is living in the WALLACH HALL. i heard that they got in because they are + PASSIONATE and +THOUGHTFUL, but honestly i think HE can be -ASSUMING and -CYNICAL. they’re a real MAVERICK. oh well, only time will tell if the SOPHOMORE will make it til the end.

about the mun !!

hi hello my name is sam (she/her), im 22, and im a big fat mess at all times :) um but a lil more about me is that i’m australian and a recently graduated film student lmao. i’ve been rping for like ten years now i think idk but i am a NERVOUS BITCH !!!!!!! and it sometimes takes me forever to reply to things (ic and ooc) bc of that so pls be patient with me lmao. anyway, happy 2 be here !! if u like this post i’m gonna assume u wanna plot with me and my idiot and hit u up !!! lets mcfreakin lose it !!!!

about lukas !!

full name: lukas joshua tozer

nickname(s): luk-ass idk whatever u can come up with lmao

age: nineteen

gender: cis male

pronouns: he/him

hometown: jackson, new jersey

date of birth: nov 4th

occupation: student ( film and media studies, sophomore ), cook/server at a nearby 24hr pizza joint

relationship status: single

drink / smoke / drugs: yes / yes / yes

faceclaim: alex wolff

positive traits: passionate, thoughtful, creative, ambitious, untethered, humorous

negative traits: assuming, cynical, insensitive, rebellious, resentful, irresponsible

if he was in a hogwarts house: slytherin

now some more dot points that are just me talking about lukas !!

was born in fort lauderdale florida but there is a vERY low chance he will ever admit that, he’ll just say he’s from new jersey. as far as he’s concerned, he’s always been from new jersey even if his family did move there after he turned twelve

speaking of things lukas probably wont ever tell u but i’m including them anyway: his family is kind of messy. not majorly but like a little bit more than average. he had two brothers, now he only has one. i’m not gonna include a whole lot of nitty gritty here i’ll save it for when i write the real bio and can actually do it justice but its the reason they moved from florida and it has had a pretty major effect on lukas over time obviously

he’s the baby of the family and he’s pretty much always been treated like one. it has left him pretty immature and irresponsible. still learning that his actions have consequences and that he cant just be a total dick all the time. he’s improved in those areas a fair bit since he started at columbia a year ago but he still has a long way to go

he didn’t ever really expect to go to columbia, he’s from a middle class family and his dad didn’t even go to college. he applied for columbia just as a might as well give it a go thing. like maybe it will happen. they had a film course and although the course itself isn’t really great, the connections to the industry available at columbia were valuable enough for him to try. he was wait listed up until basically the last minute, preparing to go to a college in boston instead but when he was accepted he knew he had to go. for himself, for his family, and for his lost brother.

obviously irresponsible attitude has led to some Bad Decision Making including but not limited to partying and drugs. he doesn’t prioritise that lifestyle over his school work (bc he knows how lucky he is to be at columbia at all) but he is a big believer that you need to experience things to be a great artist and he plans on being the greatest artist so bad decision town here we come !!!!

he has a pet goldfish named michael bublé pls dont nark

for more info on him click here to check his about page, no bio there yet but hopefully soon

wanted connections babey !!

course friends/rivals/anything: i am writing these before acceptances happen so i have no good god damn idea if any other characters are film majors but hit me the hell up if they are bc i would love to plot some stuff out

old roommate(s) : lukas was probably an entertaining roommate but probably verged on annoying pretty easily. he’s messy, gross, probably didn’t respect the do ur fucking dishes rule in first year ( probs still doesnt tbh ). but he also has a password to every streaming account plus a phat hard drive full of movies and shows that he is absolutely willing to share with u so just depends what ur into i guess. maybe this connection led to friendship or maybe they hate each other now. im down for either/both 

dealer: hi welcome back to bad decision town. lukas isn’t into any hard stuff but is a big weed smoker (to my understanding medicinal cannabis is allowed but lukas def doesn’t have a prescription), then after that it’s kind of just experimenting. will chat more details if u wanna take this connection

booze leachers: so yes lukas is 19 but he has four, thats right, four fake ids. he is not willing to give u his contact for fake ids but he is willing to buy u booze if u pay him. dont hate the player hate the game

gang gang: pretty much just a close group of friends. i imagine all pretty relaxed, all pretty chill. idk what to say here except i want people to care about him and let him put on dumb movies and watch them with him and probably have dumb matching stick and poke tattoos and hog a communal tv to play mario kart but lets talk about it

fast food workers deserve respect too: as mentioned, lukas works at a 24hr pizza joint near campus which means he’s seen some shit. one of the things he’s seen multiple times is drunk student trashing the place. whether it be vomit, forgetting how to hold a cup, or bet try at a food fight lukas has seen it and he’s cleaned it up too. this connection could be that maybe he helped someone out and cleaned them up and got them back to campus when their friends ditched and now they look out for lukas too and its a positive connection. or maybe lukas hates their guts and spits on their food whenever they show up ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who’s to say

hot girl bummer by blackbear: now listen here’s an angsty connection i want, and i def want to plot it out way more with whoever takes it on but basic outline of what i have in mind: they’ve kind of sort of been dating for a while but they’re just falling out of whatever they had to begin with. they were never official, they probs def fucked around with other people while they were ““““together”””””, lots of oh sorry ur taking it so seriously i thought we were just chilling bullshit. all of this girls friends probs hate lukas and he definitely hates them back. were probably once really good friends and had a really good time together but they’ve lost it. will they find it again or will it fizzle out? lets find out together xoxo

new girl(s) : i hate the connection title too but i couldnt think of anything better. we’re in bad decision town and now we’re going to thot street babey. since things have been falling apart with hot girl bummer and even before that lukas a little bit of a thottie. this doesnt mean he’s good at it, please also feel free for a part of this to be that they rejected lukas and he got butt hurt about it idk lukas being attracted to them is basically this whole idea and i would wanna plot the rest of it more depending on specific characters wooo

lukas is a bad influence: if u have gotten this far u may have noticed that lukas is not a very good influence at all. this is someone probs his age or younger that wants to loosen up and have a good time and lukas completely encourages that. bonus points if this connection is a combo with the above connection bc lukas is a gross boi and would be like wow listening to my bad ideas thats so sexy and cool of u ya know. but also doesnt have to be that ! could just be lukas thinks its funny and thinks that someone listening to him is just like good content that could get him on barstool

lukas is badly influenced: this is basic as hell but someone that tells him to leave his impluse control at the door and encourages him to be trash. probs older than him and i def see this as more of a masc connection than a fem but like all my plot ideas: lets talk about it. this one probs v much depends on ur character so gonna leave this one nice and short

lukas is good-ly (??????) influenced: also basic as hell and p much just the opposite of above. someone who is a good influence on lukas. encourages creativity and ambition instead of straight up recklessness. again, i see it as an older character but no gender seen here. a lot of this would be based around ur character so lets chat

michael bublé’s co parents: lukas has a goldfish named michael bublé (or just michael), i picture him having got it while high as heck during the day and just being like This Is A Good Idea. maybe ur character was with him and they were co parents from the start or maybbe they came into the picture later ??? i’m honestly down for whichever just give michael the love he deserves pls

and probably just about anything else these are just some ideas, i totally wanna plot further and brainstorm so please still hmu if none of these fit ur character we’ll plot something up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nihalsjourney]

Not wearing my hijab anymore

We’ve entered a new decade, it’s 2020. To be honest I’m not a big fan of New Year’s Eve and the hype around it, which is why I waited with a new blogpost. I think it’s nice to look back on some things, one of them being my very first blogpost on here. (link) December 8, 2015 was my very first day without hijab. I can still feel the stress and anxiety of that day. After that, I never talked about it anymore because I still felt guilt and shame. It’s been four years and I feel like I’m able to talk about this past chapter in my life much better.

So we’re going waaaaay back, beyond those 4 years!

My mother is Dutch and my father is Turkish, my mother converted to Islam 24 years ago. When my parents had my brothers and I, baba (father) felt a stronger sense of practicing Islam better as well as raising us with our Turkish identity. Seeing as how Dutch society forces immigrants to assimilate rather than to integrate. The thought and fear of us losing our Turkish identity really stressed him out. 

Being in an interracial relationship asks for more different responsibilities I think. My mother and baba were integrating in each other’s culture, learning one another’s language while working hard and raising us with best of both worlds. 

As we got older our parents signed us up to an Islamic elementary school. With a school bus we’d go in the early morning from Valkenswaard to Eindhoven. There were both Muslim and non-Muslim faculty. My personal experience wasn’t great, I was already dealing with depression, anxiety, and trauma. I don’t remember a lot from what I learned because I dissociated quite often. It was difficult for me to learn because unfortunately we were taught Islam from a cultural perspective and fear inducing. To me Allah seemed like a big angry man and I refused to believe that.

I remember that all female teachers wore a hijab. Muslim or not. The girls also wore a hijab starting very young. After school they would take it off, others didn’t. I remember one time after gym class that I didn’t put my hijab back on. One of the male teachers who saw us on our way back to class shamed me for it. Looking back it was so awful how at first the girls didn’t even bother or noticed. But once the teacher said something about it they started whispering loudly to each other ‘haram’ ‘she didn’t put her hijab back on!’.

There was this unspoken rule that a girl should wear her hijab ‘full time’ when she’s 12. We’d ask each other, ‘When will you wear your hijab?’ ‘If you don’t start wearing it now you never will!!’ ‘Wearing your hijab at 16 or 18 is too late, you should wear it when you’re at least 12!’ Alhamdulillah (thank God) I can say that my parents never forced me.

I switched schools when I was 8, it wasn’t an Islamic school but I still kept wearing my hijab to school as force of habit.  Once I turned either 10, 11 or 12 years old I started wearing my hijab. After age of 12 I had to switch schools again, this time a dominantly white school. From the maybe 200 students, there were 5 students of colour, 4 of them Muslim and I being the only one wearing a hijab. I was facing a lot of discrimination and Islamophobia already and it only got worse from then on. The majority of white people questioned me about every single little thing, my hijab, Islam, if I sympathize with terrorists, if my father came here for money and if I was oppressed. ‘When did you start to realize you wanted to wear your hijab?’ ‘Did you feel ready?’ ‘So you’re Muslim, right? What do you think of ISIS?’ The older I got, I hoped that the questions would stop but they never did. I had very little knowledge, yet people thought I did because of my hijab. Like I was a living, walking human museum or encyclopedia.  

I started to question myself. Did I feel ready? Do I understand what wearing the hijab means? Can I justify myself to Allah for wearing my hijab though the intention of wearing it is non-existent?

It made my heart hurt so much because I had to face reality. I didn’t have an answer. At first I tried reading and researching more about Islam, but back then there was very little willingness of me to do so. I tried to move on despite feeling unhappy, guilty and confused. When I was 18 I decided to talk to my mother about it. She said she had always been worried that I never made my decision to wear my hijab consciously because I was so young. Together with my mother I began brainstorming for ideas and options. Such as trying to wear my hijab in different styles to see it makes any difference and talking with a few women who had taken their hijab off. When I listened to their stories I felt scared. Clueless of what I should do, standing at a cross roads having no idea which path to take.

Once I decided that I wanted to stop wearing my hijab, I talked with my baba. He was very confused and upset. He always tried to protect us from the Western world, so he was worried that it influenced my choice. I told him it didn’t. Although he didn’t agree with my decision he emphasized that he will always be there for me and love me. That’s all I needed to hear. I knew that baba needed his time to get used to things.

Sometimes I still think that I have to explain to others that I used to wear a hijab. Specifically to sisters who wear it. Because I understand all too well what it’s like to be a visible target of Islamophobic violence. There has become such a huge shift in my daily life that sometimes I feel like the odd one out when I’m with Muslim women (who wear the hijab).

Talking about a huge shift in my daily life. In the beginning especially, I noticed how Muslims and non-Muslims were now treating me differently. Whenever I’d greet a sister ‘Assalaam aleikum’, (peace be upon you) she’d look me up and down disapprovingly and wouldn’t return my greeting. It felt awful, I stopped greeting anyone all at once to give myself some sense of security because I was feeling so vulnerable back then. Instead, non-Muslim (majority white) people started to happily greet me. It was mind boggling. 

Like it was some sort of game, I’d keep track of all these differences. How in the past people wouldn’t sit next to me in public transport even when it was busy, to by passers saying ‘Allahu akbar’ or ‘terrorist’ under their breath when walking past me, getting checked by security a lot faster or accused of stealing, always being refused when applying for a job (in my city, Eindhoven, discrimination on the job market is very high) etc. 

When I have to show my ID, that has a picture of me with my hijab on, people always feel the need to tell me ‘You look prettier without hijab!’. When that happens I get a, what Dutch Iranian artist Saman Amini calls in the play ‘A Seat at The Table’, racial freeze. Cashing in the comment, reacting with a fake smile and getting back to my day. Not allowing myself to feel the hurt or the frustration.

It has definitely been a struggle the first year or two. I had to adjust to how society was treating me, nobody sees my hijab but sometimes I still feel like I wear it. A lot of my life experiences before taking it off were based around my hijab. And as I’m writing, realising it now, hurts. Wearing the hijab since a young age, I was basically robbed of my childhood and sure that may sound dramatic but it’s reality. It impacted my quality of life because I was an easy target for Islamophobic violence both verbal and non-verbal.

I got to see first-hand what it’s like to be treated both with and without hijab by non-Muslim and Muslims. Whether I’m a bad Muslim or a well ‘integrated’ (read assimilated) immigrant. 

We still teach girls to judge other girls. In my time we’d judge those who chose not to wear their hijab (yet) or who wore their hijab the ‘wrong’ way. As I got older I started to realise how toxic this behaviour is. But I find that this way of thinking is still deeply rooted. Because I still have some moments that when I see a sister with a hijab showing hair, my first thought is ‘Oh My GoD sHe Is ShOwInG hEr HaIr!! AYIB!!’ it’s been happening a lot less. But when it does I mentally slap myself in the face and remind myself of how toxic that way of thinking is because it does not contribute to anything positive. The judgement I had towards myself and others has lessened immensely. I’ve become a stronger person and learned so much (I’m still learning!!). All the things I named and more, I had to experience. Before I was so caught up with myself. Trying to survive. Now I able to make room in my heart for others to heal.

I look back to these past four years a lot. Feeling thankful and amazed. Never before did I have such a close relationship with Allah and myself. Honestly, I feel ashamed when I say the following. So may Allah forgive me for my ignorance and wrong doings, may He accept my good deeds, prayers and efforts of learning…

I never prayed, sometimes during Ramadan. Like I said, I forgot what I learned as a kid because of dissociating. When someone tried to teach me about Islam I didn’t have the space to listen, my mind never saved the information. Alhamdulillah, with its ups and downs, the past four years I have now been saving the knowledge I learn about Islam. I’m praying 5 times a day, reading translations of the Quran, going to lectures with an open heart and mind. Soaking up all the information I can get my hands on, eager to learn.

I’m not saying this to brag. But to stress that once again, I had to go through these things to grow through them. I had to experience all of this in order to become the person I am today. A better version of myself. Because with this experience and knowledge I am able to stand even stronger on my feet.

Lastly, I want to emphasize that my experiences I shared above, especially the negative ones have nothing to do with Islam. It’s man-made culture. Please see religion separate from its people.

Also there is unfortunately still way too little awareness of how children mimic our words and (misogynistic) behaviour. Pretty much everything I named in my story I learned from aunties, uncles and the girls around me. So especially to us women, I hope that we can start to truly uplift each other and not tear each other down any longer.

Thank you so much for taking your time to read this. A Dutch version of this blog post will soon follow.

Take care, peace and blessings upon you all! Much love,

Nihâl

[sindrafalcone]

Adventures in Babysitting Pt.2

Fandom: BIGBANG/ Choi Seung Hyun x reader

Synopsis: A babysitting job turns into something unexpected…

Warnings: none

Author’s Note: Thanks for your patience guys! This is a bit of a necessary build up chapter.  Which is why I struggled with it so dang much. But, there’s  still fluff, so... there’s that to look forward to! :)  The other parts will follow as I finish them.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. This story contains fictional representations of real people. None of the events are true. This is from an American standpoint, so some of the situations may not happen the same way they might in Korea. I make no money from the writing of this fictional work.

Masterlist

Part 1

You'd tried your best to question the man further, but he just held his hand up to stop you. Then, with a resigned sigh, he stalked into the kitchen. Silently you watched as he started pulling wine bottles from the rack. He would read the label, make a 'thinking' face & then shake his head and slide it back into place. Finally he came up with a bottle of chilled wine from the cooler that seemed to satisfy him.

You saw him take two wine glasses out of a cabinet and it seemed as if he was going to share with you. He got a corkscrew from a drawer & before you could blink, the bottle was open. You wondered briefly if he was a sommelier in a restaurant somewhere. He certainly seemed to be practiced with what he was doing. After sniffing the cork and laying it carefully onto the black marble counter, he poured into the two glasses.

Still not having said a word, he came back into the living room.  He handed over a glass and you were careful to accept it with both hands and a small bow.

“Thank you.” you told him in Korean. You watched as his eyebrows slid upwards in surprise, but he still said nothing until after he'd sat down on the other end of the sofa.

“You speak Korean?” he asked as he swirled the wine in his glass, letting it breathe. You just nodded, too intimidated by his imposing presence to do much else. “Good. That will make things much easier. My name is Seunghyun.” he said with a small, shy smile.

“___________.” you replied, mimicking his actions with your own glass.

He smiled again at hearing your name & you had the sudden thought that he should smile more often. It did a lot to brighten his demeanor and make him less daunting.

“How on earth did they manage to find someone who speaks Korean?” Seunghyun wondered out loud.

He was really posing the question to himself, you knew, but you answered him anyway as soon as you swallowed the wine that had been in your mouth.

“Babysitting website.”

“What?” he asked, almost choking on his own mouthful at your sudden bluntness.

With a sigh, you told him all about the world of online babysitting services and how people could include any sort of stipulation in the ad that they wanted. Some of them had dress requirements and others preferred people with actual Nanny training. But his friends had said that what they were looking for was someone fluent in Korean.

He looked thoughtful for a minute. “Well... at least they thought of that. How long and how much?” he asked, taking another sip of wine.

“Hmmmm?” you asked him, temporarily distracted by the movement of the muscles in his throat as he swallowed.

“How long are you staying and how much are they paying you?” he clarified with a cheeky grin.

“Oh! Uh, they wanted me to stay overnight and I'll get two-thousand in the morning.”

Seunghyun's eyebrows shot up again at the amount & he huffed out a short burst of air in surprise. “Well... at least I'm worth that much.”

“Look...” you set your glass down carefully onto the coffee table. “I didn't know when I agreed to the job that you were an adult. They didn't even tell me your name, for heaven's sake.”

“Oh, I'm sure they didn't.” he said, his voice dark with promised revenge.

You felt sorry for the guy, you really did. “If it makes you uncomfortable... I can leave.” you said in a small voice. You really needed the money but, if he didn't want you here, you weren't going to force your company on him.

“Who said I was uncomfortable?”

“Well, no one. But, if I had known this was just a joke between friends, I wouldn't have agreed to do it. I thought it was a legitimate job.” you tried to explain.

“It is a legitimate job.” he said seriously. When you tried to argue the point, he just held up his hand like he had earlier & your words died in your throat. This was a man who was used to having his demands met... and it showed. “I have a tendency to get myself into trouble when I'm left alone. That's especially true when I'm in an unfamiliar place, like now. I'm sure that, to you, it might look like they were trying to pull a prank on me. But, honestly, they're just worried about my safety.”

You nodded and took a moment to think over his words, reaching over to pick up your glass from the table.

“They told me that you were upset that they were going out.”

He winced. “That's... partially true. Honestly, I just didn't feel like clubbing tonight.”

“Hmmmmm...” you mused. “They also mentioned that you were pouting because you didn't get to do something that you wanted to earlier.” Seeing his reaction when you used the word 'pouting', you were quick to defend yourself with a smile. “Hey... their words not mine!”

“Jiyong?” he asked & you nodded. “Yeah... figures. I wouldn't exactly call it pouting. But I was angry.”

“What was it you wanted to do? Maybe we could do it now instead of just hanging out in this hotel room. Although, I don't mind staying in if that's what you'd rather do.”

“I appreciate it, but I don't think going there is an option.” Seunghyun shook his head sadly. “Ever since I found out we were going to be coming to this city, I've been planning a trip to the Museum of Modern Art.”

“Oh really?” you tried your best to sound nonchalant.

He nodded excitedly, his enthusiasm bringing a smile to your face. “Yeah. There's an exhibit there that I really wanted to see.”

You noted the absolute longing in his voice. “Let's go then.” you said, setting your glass down again.

“They would be closed by now...” he said, checking his watch.

“You might just be surprised.” you grinned.

It took you almost twenty minutes to convince Seunghyun to just trust you. But he eventually agreed and got dressed. You tried your best not to swallow your tongue when he emerged from his bedroom looking like a model straight off the runway. Correction... he looked better than a model.

“You okay?” he asked with a smirk as he buttoned the cuff of his blue button down shirt.

“Fine!” you squeaked, jumping up from the sofa and smoothing your suddenly sweaty palms down the front of your pants.

Seunghyun just chuckled & gestured you towards the entryway to the suite. Once there, he had surprised you by helping you into your coat before grabbing his own. You were pretty sure that his hands lingered on your shoulders, giving them a slight squeeze before moving away, but it was over so quickly you wondered if you imagined it. You turned to look at him, only to see him sliding a face mask into place.

“Ready to go whenever you are.” he said.

The two of you made your way down to the lobby of the hotel, Seunghyun staying close by your side the entire way. The doorman hailed a cab for you, and held the door open as you slid inside & Seunghyun sat down next to you. You told the driver the address of the museum & settled in for the ride. Looking over, you noticed that he seemed a little nervous.

“You okay?” you asked, laying a concerned hand on his arm as you mimicked his words from earlier.

Seunghyun nodded. “I don't often travel in foreign taxi's. It's a... unique experience for me.”

To distract him, you asked exactly which exhibit it was that he wanted to see. Then you sat back and watched as he animatedly explained the new Surrealist collection that you knew all too well. For the entire cab ride, you listened while he described specific pieces and artists in detail. You'd met a few of the artists he was talking about & from the way he described them and their work, you wondered if he had too. He seemed more than wealthy enough... judging by the hotel suite, his qualityof clothes, and his expensive taste in wine.

Before either of you realized, you'd arrived at your destination. After paying the fare, you were slightly surprised when Seunghyun helped you get out of the taxi.

“Thanks.” you said, giving his hand  a gentle squeeze. He said nothing, just gave a slight, gentlemanly bow. “Follow me.” you told him, walking away from the front entrance of the museum.

You took him around the side of the building, to the employee entrance. Then you dug your ID card out of your purse, scanning it at the machine and then tapping in a code on the keypad. You smiled when the little light blinked green and reached for the door handle.

“Wait... you work here?!?” Seunghyun said from behind you as you pulled the heavy, metal door open.

You chuckled. “Surprise! And, before you ask, no... your friends didn't know about that when they hired me. Come on, I've got to go tell the security guard why I'm here before he freaks out.”

Seunghyun followed you down a  series of dim hallways until you'd reached a small office of sorts. He hung back a little as you talked with the guard, an older man with a large belly, who looked like he might have been a policeman at one time. After a few minutes of conversation, you finally backed out of the office and gestured for Seunghyun to follow you.

“You're lucky that the Surrealist exhibit is on the ground floor. The elevators are off at night & we would have to climb the stairs.” you tried to make small-talk as you led him out into the main lobby.

“How did you convince him to let you bring me in?” Seunghyun asked.

You turned to face him, walking backwards through the large, open space as you talked... just like you did several times a day as a tour guide.“I told him you were a foreign art investor.” you said with a huge grin.

He grinned back with a chuckle. “And he actually bought it?”

“Obviously.” you laughed, arms gesturing widely at the lobby. “You're here, right?”

Having finally reached the entrance to the gallery, you reached into the box on the wall that held the tour pamphlets & handed him one. His fingers brushed yours as he took it from you, and you shivered slightly.

“Do you want the whole tour or would you just rather look around on your own?” you asked, trying not to show just how much his brief touch had affected you.

“I think I'd prefer looking on my own. I like for it to be quiet while I view new art.”

You nodded knowingly. “Okay. There's a map on there along with brief paragraphs about each piece, but I'll be nearby.  If you need any extra information about the art or artist just ask.”

Seunghyun smiled as he watched you walk away into the gallery, using some sort of key to open a panel so you could switch on all the lights in this room. As you wandered off to the right side, he chose to go left. He felt so grateful that you were willing to let him peruse the art at his leisure without hovering. He hated it when people watched him while he was trying to concentrate on what the art pieces were trying to say to him.

And that was how the two of you spent the next two hours. Seunghyun would quietly call your name occasionally to ask a question or sometimes even to see what your thoughts were about a specific piece or artist. Then you would walk away again, leaving him to his obvious bliss. You tried to surreptitiously watch him from across the room... admiring his long legs and broad shoulders. He would stand, feet slightly apart, hands behind his back and just stare at each piece. You noticed that he took his time with all of them, sometimes tilting his head to the side or stepping over to the left or right to get a different view.

When he decided he was finished, he tucked the pamphlet that you'd given him into his inside coat pocket and walked over to where you were. Seunghyun wasn't sure how, but he was filled with a sudden determination to somehow repay you for this gift that you'd given him.

“Feeling better now?” you asked him with a teasing smile.

“Much.” he smiled back. “Thank you, _________,  both for this opportunity that I thought was a lost cause and for giving me my space while I looked. I really appreciate it.”

His words were so heartfelt that you had to swallow the lump in your throat before answering him.

“Not a problem. I'm happy that I could make it happen for you.” you told him honestly, opening the light panel again and switching everything back off.

After swinging back by the office to let the guard know you were leaving, you'd gone back out through the same door you'd entered.

“What now?” you asked him, wondering if  he wanted to do something else or just head back to the hotel. But before Seunghyun could say anything his stomach rumbled loudly, making both of you giggle.

“I guess I should have eaten something before my nap.” he laughed.

“Do you trust me?” you asked, smiling when he simply nodded shyly.  “Good. I know a great place about a block from here. Mind if we walk?”

“Not at all.”

In a bold move, you held your hand out for him to take. For a moment he just stared at it like you'd lost your mind.

“Hey... I'm still babysitting you.” you explained, hand still outstretched. “That means I'm responsible for your safety. And if we're going to walk the city streets, I've got to make sure that you don't get lost.”

It wasn't technically a lie. If you'd been babysitting a child, you would have done the exact same thing.  Seunghyun didn't need to know that you were reaching for an excuse to feel the same thrill that you had when he'd helped you out of the taxi earlier.  

He nodded his head in resolve after a moment's hesitation. “O...okay.” his voice sounded so unsure that you worried that you'd made a mistake.

Tentatively he fit his palm against your hand, his long fingers threading into the space between yours & the two of you headed off into the night in search of food.

[gaegurikyu]

I’m your ID

Pairing: (Stray Kids) Hyunjin x (Female) Reader

Genre: Idol au (Like real life), Fluff,

Warnings: Small anxiety but nothing big I promise, One (1) curse word, Lots of heart melting fluff

Word Count: 1,441 [Masterlist]

Summary: "But one stage caught your eye. There were 9 people but you could only follow one. It was the same guy who let you in, the same eye smile and the same small dot. You point to the screen and ask your boss for his name, to which she replies: “Hyunjin from Stray Kids, I think Sanha might be friends with them.”

A/N: Im trying to brand out and write for all the groups I stan before I go into longer stories/series so I decided to write some for my friends to cheer them up while I fill this blog up! Sorry if you're not cool with that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. 💕💕💕💕 @heartskun This ones for you bby, ily and have a good rest of your day life. Also I thought this fit you well because queen of makeup? Yes. Names??? Are hard to come up with.

Also, this is currently !UNEDITED! for now

You're rushing down the streets of Seoul, you may look unhinged to others but you don't care. You're late to the stage show and you're 100% sure that your boss is going to scold you for not getting this makeup there sooner. You're turning the last corner, and your phone's gps tells you the back entrance is on this street.

You glance from it and sure enough the location is obvious. Security and small barricades set up around the doors to keep the wards of fans and paparazzi from going any further.

You waddle up to the entrance line through security in your puffy marshmallow jacket and colorfully designed scarf. Your giant tote bag is in hand, you know security will check it, like always, only to find pallets of eyeshadow and giant amounts of lip tint. You stay glancing down at your phone, texting your superior that your outside the entrance and that she should stick to clothes before she tries anything with your expensive foundations.

The security guard recites a large yell of “next!” Which makes you jump and look up to see youre the next he's referring to. You allow him to check your tote, praying that he doesn't break or open any product that could spill everywhere, as you go to reach for your company provided ID. When you feel it missing, a tidal wave of worry and anxiety falls over you, climbing into your heart as it speeds up to an erratic beat. The Security guard looks through the tote once again when he sees the uneasiness present on your face, but ultimately finds nothing.

“I'm sorry miss, but I can't allow anyone in without an ID. It's protocol, again I'm really sorry. But if you could call someone to get you from the inside.” You nod in understanding and step slightly to side to let others in. ‘He's just doing his job,' you tell yourself as you text your boss (that is really more of a friend to you).

You retrace your steps in your head,leading you to remember dropping your ID on your apartments wooden floor as you swung your jacket on. ‘Fuck, I hate winter,,,’ you try to keep your tears from forming. It's a dumb reason to cry but you've had a rough day and this could be the final crack.

The text from your boss tells you to stay put as she comes to take you in, so that's what you do. You stay put while wiping some fallen tears. Until an arm wraps around your shoulder gently and a pair of lips softly talks into the shell of your ear, the yelling of the fans is extremely loud and the snaps of camera shots are headache inducing, but it's all a white noise as you process what you heard.

“What are you here for? I mean, what's your job?”

You look up and see the person attached to the voice, he's very attractive. He's wearing a black wool coat with a light brown turtleneck underneath to shield him from the cold and a black bucket hat pushes his messy black hair into his face. You don't fail to notice the face mask that is pulled under his chin or the little dot that is present under his eye. But you quickly end your starring when he tilts his head a bit to hurry your thinking.

You turn as pink as the blushes in your bag as you utter a small, “Oh, I, well, I'm here for Astro, Im their makeup artist,,,, but I dropped my ID at home and they won't let me in,” shameful of your own clumsiness. You fidget as he pulls you with him towards the security guard, “Yeah, I figured that last bit.” He sends you a small smile, mostly in the eyes, as he turns back to the sentinel.

“She's with us. She's our makeup artist, she just got here a little early. She's always so forgetful and clumsy, right?”

You nod even though you aren't really listening to what he said, lost in your own sea of thoughts. 'He's an idol… I mean of course he's an idol dummy, look at him! But why would an idol help me? Who is this guy???’  Your thoughts are cut short when he continues to guide you past security to the door, which he opens for you.

“Any friend of Astro is a friend of Stray Kids,” He bows slightly at you and you give a small bow and  wave in return. He turns around and leaves to find his group, but he also leaves you dumbfounded. Your brain is complete mush as your boss shakes your shoulder and drags you to Astros dressing room, asking about how and when you got in backstage.

But ultimately those questions are put aside as you are brought back to reality of your job. You enter and greet the 6 members you had known for years now (with the needed honorifics) before starting on their makeup and eventually sending them to the stage with wishes of good luck and thumbs up.

You sit down, exhausted after both the rush to get here and the rush of your heart. You've cleaned up all your supplies and are watching the broadcasted music show on the t.v. in the dressing room while drinking some coffee. You're proud to see your boys perform as you high five your boss for a job well done and you even belt out some Chungha lyrics, ignoring the laughing of your friend, by the end of it.

But one stage caught your eye. There were 9 people but you could only follow one. It was the same guy who let you in, the same eye smile and the same small dot. You point to the screen and ask your boss for his name, to which she replies: “Hyunjin from Stray Kids, I think Sanha might be friends with them.”

You nod and take another sip of your coffee as the show continues. 'Yeah that makes sense,,,’ you think as you recap to what he said at the door, 'Hyunjin, huh?’

Once all the performances and awards and speeches came to a close, Astro shuffled back into the room looking tired and ready to go home. You two offered them their hoodies and water as you went to work brushing out their hair and removing their stage makeup. Telling them how well they did and how cool they looked.

You wrapped it all up with a shut of one of your cases and gave your farewells for the day, most of them gave you a small hug or ruffling your hair before throwing on their coats and leaving with their manager. Before Sanha left he handed you a small note before giggling a bit mischievously and bolting out of the room to mess with Jinjin.

The note in your hand seemed kind of random and you glanced at it peculiarly before opening it up to reveal a small letter addressed to you in messy, rushed handwriting. It read:

-

Here's my number y/n-ssi (Rocky told me your name)

02-***-**56

Just in case you need someone to remind you to get your ID or get you past security again ;) Text whenever if you need me to be your ID instead

-

You smiled, putting the new number into your contacts before searching Stray Kids into your spotify. Plugging in your headphones and saying your goodbye to your boss as you walk out that same door into the cold seoul night. A small giddy smile on your face as a catchy beat resonates in your ears.

Bonus scene

Hyunjin smiled at his phone, the light illuminating his face in the darkness of the car, when he saw the notification telling him you had added him on Kakao talk. 'Even your profile picture is super cute,,,’ He thought to himself, clicking the add back button.

Chan took a small look at Hyunjins phone and then his smile, concluding to everyone in the car that “She added him guys!! There's hope for our Hyunjin!” Everyone began teasing him for his move on the girl that was Astros makeup artist, but he ignored them.

He was in too fond of a mood to acknowledge Jeongins bad imitation of him, the sarcastic “She's with us!” followed by a chorus of laughs fell deaf to his ears. He sent you a small text of 'Hope you got home safe y/n-ssi,’ before turning around to pinch Jeongin and pull his ears. Laughing along with the rest of the boys in the car.

[ssweet-perceptionn]

Instagram and VMAs 2018 - Camren

I am using my unknown tumblr account when I saw a page that says “Update: Lauren deleted pictures with Camila on IG” When I saw that, there’s a familiar pinch that I felt on my heart. Yes, I am fine but whenever I hear or saw something related to the girl who caused so much tears on me, it just breaks me everytime. I was about to distract myself by listening to a song when my mom suddenly knocked on my door.

“Karla, Ariana’s here go talk to her”. My mom said eagerly and I just nodded.

I saw Ari sitting on the couch with her phone, she’s making cute faces. I know she’s updating her fans on Snapchat. I walked to her and she still didn’t notice me until I grabbed her phone.

“Hey! Fck off!” She said with annoyance.

“You came here to my house just so you can do snapchat?” I asked her with my left eyebrow quirked.

“No, well yeah snapchat is always with me but I heard something with Lauren and I know that you need me.” She told me confidently.

“Wow, do I owe you now?” I asked her with a laugh.

“Bigtime Cabello” Ari said while claiming her phone.

  While we’re at my room, Dinah and Normani joined us so we decided to order an extra-large pizza knowing that me and Dinah are pizza lovers.

“Mila, you know that she didn’t mean to do it right?” The thick blonde girl asked me.

“I don’t know what to believe Cheechee” I shook my head as I told her that.

“Come on Mila, we all know that she loves you and there might be a reason why she did that” The dark skinned gorgeous girl comforting me.

“Idk what else to say about Lauren because she’s pretty complicated” Ari added.

----

It has been two days since Lauren deleted our photos on IG. Dinah told me that she will contact Lauren to know why she did that but I told her that there’s no need for that. Dinah is so determined so she still insisted. I’m all alone here in my room blasting the speakers with “God is a Woman”. I refused to take that song because I feel like it’s a perfect match with Ariana’s voice and it is a bop. I’m currently being drowned in my thoughts when I noticed my phone is ringing and saw Dinah’s caller ID. I immediately turned the volume down to take her call.

“Hey Walz! Chill” she said playfully.

“What? I haven’t said anything yet” I asked while I shook my head though she can’t see me.

“Lauren wants to talk to you and she will be there later, bye!” I didn’t get the chance to say anything at all and Dinah ended the call.

----

My parents are having dinner plans with Roger and Sofi is with our grandparents. I am all alone tonight and I don’t have any idea if what Dinah said was true. I’m currently at the kitchen making myself a sandwich for dinner when I heard the doorbell rings. I immediately went to see who it is assuming it was the shipment that my parents are expecting but my eyes went wide when I saw the familiar waves and the piercing green eyes.

“Hi” She said smiling at me.

“Uh hey” I hesitantly said.

“Can I come in?” She broke the silence and I realized that we were staring at each other for the past 5 minutes so I motioned for her to come in.

“About the pictures Ca— “I cut her off.

“I get it Lauren; I know you wanted to get rid of me but I didn’t expect that you’ll delete most of our pictures” I let out my frustration.

“Look Camz, you don’t und- “I cut her off again.

“I do understand Lauren, I always do th- “This time, she cut me off

“Will you please shut the fuck up and let me speak?” She asked me with a sigh and I nodded.

“I don’t have any plans on deleting it, these hardcore shippers are leaving comments on our photos everyday. I can’t handle it Camz that’s why I decided to delete most of it because I hate myself not realizing what I’ve lost. I don’t take anything against our shippers but it’s me. It’s me who is always stubborn and denial. I’m sorry for all the pain that I’ve caused to you Camz, I really am. That’s why I’m here and I am glad Dinah talked to me about it and she told me to go after you.” She said with full of sincerity.

“Really? Are you serious?” I asked in confusion because this is overwhelming.

“Yes Camz, I’m serious. I made up my mind since I deleted those because I want us to start anew. Well, not all of it because there’s one photo of us that I left there and, I want to let you know that I still love you, I always will.” The green eyed orbs directed in my eyes with sincerity.

“What about you and Ty?” I asked concerning our career.

“We broke up a month ago. Also, that Matthew was cheating on you!” She furiously said.

“It’s PR Lo, I don’t care if he cheated because he doesn’t matter anyways and, I love you too.” I said meeting her eyes with mine.

“But your reputation Camz? The girl he was dating was so full of it. She’s acting innocent like she’s the only victim. Hell you don’t even have any idea that he was dating someone before this PR started” It is now evident in her eyes that she’s worried.

“I don’t care about what people thinks of me. All I care is my music, my family, my friends, my fans, those who believed in me and specially you.” I assured her. I saw Lauren eyes glisten when I said those words and I meant all of it.

“So, should I post a new camren pic?” Lauren asked with excitement.

“Calm down Jauregui, don’t spill the tea yet. I have to go to VMAs next week and as much as I want the world to know, let’s keep it low this time and I’ll be the one to tell other people.” I said with a bright smile.

Lauren hugged me and she decided to go to a restaurant. I am a little disappointed that she didn’t stay the night because she will have a meeting with her manager to discuss about her album. I am extremely excited for her because she received 2 awards as a solo artist and knowing the fact that she has not released a single yet makes it even more exciting.

----

This week has been pretty tough because of the nonstop tour but I’m not complaining at all, I love what I do but it’s inevitable not to feel exhausted. Lauren and I are getting better. I don’t know what we are but we both love each other. I wish I can call her my girlfriend because what happened last week was so sudden. Now, I’m getting ready for VMAs and I thank the producers so much because I am not performing so I am one of the audience. I heard my phone rings and I saw the pic of a gorgeous girl so I immediately answered it.

“Hey Babe” the raspy voice said.

“Since when do you call me that?” I asked grinning.

“Well, you’re my girlfriend aren’t you?” She told me and I was caught off guard because I was thinking about that earlier and she answered my thoughts.

“Camz? Sorry, I should not rush things plea- “so I cut her off.

“Lauren babe, you can call me whatever you like. I just didn’t expect that my thoughts are answered immediately” I told her honestly.

“So, you’ve been thinking about me?” and by her tone of voice, it seems like she has a wide grin plastered on her face.

“I can’t get you out of my head Lauren, I guess I am so in love with you all these years” I flirted but meant it wholeheartedly.

“Stop Camz! You’re the one that I should make blushing not the other way around. It’s unfair!” She whined and it makes her cute.

“You will have the time soon babe, I gotta go now and I’ll call you after.” She wished me luck and I headed my way to the event.

----

The VMAs ended and tonight was so incredible yet there was unexpected that happened. I thought Tiffany Haddish will say compliments about me but it does not satisfy me at all. Yes, I was nominated 5 times and won 2 awards but what she did was inappropriate and I don’t like it at all so I just shook my head with a fake smile. Later on when Nicki defended the girls, Tiffany was speechless and the crowd was crazy. I don’t have time for any beef at all because me and my girls are still in good terms. I’m here in my room right now checking some photos that I took from the show and HOLY CRAP!! Madonna presented the award to me and I just can’t stop myself for fangirling. I am done posting stuffs on my social media when I heard a knock on my door. I got up from bed and opened and I saw Lauren grinning widely and hugged me.

“Hey babe, I missed you” The hoarseness of her voice is evident.

“I missed you too. It’s late why are you here?” I asked concerning her.

“Can’t I congratulate my girlfriend personally? Can’t I visit my girlfriend late at night? Can’t I love you as much as I want?” with her words, I can feel the heat on my cheeks and now she’s grinning so wide knowing that it is obvious that I’m blushing.

“We’re even now Lauren.” I said while I cover my cheeks with my both hands.

“I know, you got me earlier so it’s my turn. And don’t hide your red cheeks, it’s cute” she said while laughing.

“Stop, I’m worried about us. What if people can’t accept us? What if they judge us? What about our career? What if I messed everything up?” I am so distressed and asked her.

“Ssshh baby, don’t think of those things. You know they already love us right? Put your worries aside. We won’t know if we won’t try. I know I am mostly the reason why you’re anxious because I was so scared before but let me catch you Camz. I’ll always catch you and you always have me. I love you so much” Lauren leaned in and now her soft lips met mine. It was a slow kiss with gentleness and all I can feel is love. I pulled back from the kiss to give our lungs air.

“Thanks Lauren, you know I love you more. I hope everything will work out” She hugged me and Lauren suddenly grabbed my phone and took a picture with me, her arms on my shoulder and she placed a kiss on my cheek. She took 3 minutes with my phone and when I got it, I saw my account on IG, Lauren posted our pic using my account and tagged herself with the caption: “She’s only mine. It’s real – L xoxo”.

  --OMG please forgive me guys. I didn’t proofread so I apologize if there’s any error with my grammar or any typos. I'm so bored rn so bear with me. Let me know your thoughts!!! Lol or not.

[pimpnamedsilverback-blog]

Damn Dannie (The Prolog) Pt. 1

So there’s this this girl I met at my 3rd high school back in 2015. To keep her ID on the DL, I’ll just refer to her as Dannie. Now, Dannie and I weren’t really the best of friends during my spell at that school. We were cool with each other, we just didn’t have much to talk about back then. At the time, all she was to me was the cute girl with an afro from math class, that laughed at all my jokes.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I was forced to leave my 3rd high school at the end of my first year there. (LMAO, that’s an entire story for another day) This meant I had to leave my closest friends behind and find a new school. After I left, Dannie was one of the few girls from that school I kept in contact with, simply because I dug her energy and thought she was pretty cool. We started texting occasionally then before I knew it, we were texting every day. Turns out we had loads to talk about.

The more we spoke, the more we found out we had in common. The more we had in common, the more we bonded. In December of that same year, we bumped into each other at some party I remember vague details about. What I do remember, is that I spent close to no time with Dannie that day and night. For some reason she had to leave the party super early. And that, ladies and gentlemen is the last time I saw her in 2015.

You know how they say "time flies when you're having fun", what they don’t tell you is that time is constant. 10 seconds has always been 10 seconds, an hour hasn’t ever been 30 minutes, it’s always been an hour. It FEELS like time flies when we have something to give our attention to or distract us. It FEELS like time drags its feet when we’re not doing anything. Well, feelings are unreliable. That’s what this story is about.

The first half of 2016 was a drag. My parents were keeping my phone from me and I was a full time border at my new school (which was on the other side of the country). I lost contact with a lot of my “close” and mutual friends because of this. After a wack 1st term, I finally got to go home for term break and get my phone back. I reached out to some of my friends from my previous school. Got back in contact with all the people I missed, except for Dannie. I immediately met up with a couple of the homies but our social interaction was all foggy now. I didn’t feel like I could be myself around them anymore. They were still the same people though. I just felt like everything was different now, that everyone had changed. Word got around that I was back home and my phone was jumpin'. A couple days after I got my phone back, I got a text draped in heart emojis with the only syllable in my name stetched out. 👇

"Laaaaaaaaaaars 😊💕💕❤❤👅💦"

Off the bat I knew it couldn't be one of my bros. It took me a while but I figured out it was Dannie (my bestie did some research). I kid you not, in that very moment I felt happier than I had felt all year. We got all caught up over the phone and our texting patterns picked up where we left off.

Next thing I knew, we were now 3 quarters into 2016. It had been roughly 11 months since I switched schools and 9 months since I last saw her. We started hanging out more and making plans to see each other every chance we could.

Our plans were always overly ambitious and flopped 9 times out of 10. 8 times out of 10 it was my fault though. We’d plan large get-togethers and not even show up. We were a pair of wild cards, the unpredictability between us kept the friendship dynamics fresh. Dannie was mad extroverted, she always wanted to go out and have a good time partying and turning up. I’m not really into all of that, I outgrew it all in 2016. I’d only slide through because it meant I got to spend time with her. I was low-key about being introverted so she had no idea how much I’d prefer staying home or going to a quiet place just to hang out and talk. That’s when I realized I really fw her. (If ever I leave the comfort of my home to come see you, just know you mean a lot to me.)

She tried her best to compromise whenever she could so it wasn’t completely one sided. I'll take the fall for not being open and missing out on a lot chill sessions. I get drained like, 10 minutes into most social gatherings outside my inner circle anyway.

I don’t remember how it happened, but at some point down the line we became friends with benefits. Matter of fact, I don’t remember us having an official title. I had her saved as her government name (with a heart at the end) on my phone and she probably had me saved as zaddy or something corny like Larshmellow (Yikes). Ion know. We were just going with the flow, which I ironically ended up drowning in. Wish I could’ve caught a break, instead I caught feelings.

For some reason Dannie and I never got down to defining the relationship. This had the both of us messed up because we had skewed expectations from one another. It FELT like I was expecting too much from her, while she was expecting too little from me (or vice versa). I went into the new year of 2017 with high hopes and expectations for us not knowing our ‘situationship’ was about to capsize and sink.

2017 Was our matric (senior graduation) year which meant we didn’t have access to all the free time we had the year before. This meant it was up to us to manufacture and free up as much time to text, call and see each other. We could barely manage to make time for each other when we had access to it, how were we going to make it work when we didn’t? That paired with the long distance from one another (a 4 hour commute) created an emotional and physical barrier between us. Communication wasn’t the issue, the issue was getting rid of the static and maintaining a stable connection from afar. I was adamant to make it work, because I felt like she was worth it.

Despite my best efforts, all we had was our telephonic connection. Which started becoming more and more inconsistent. We were slowly growing distant from one another. It was paralyzing witnessing us grow in the wrong direction, it felt like there wasn't a single thing I could do about it. All I was able to do was watch us become strangers. This was a terrible start to the year. After weeks of inconsistent texting we stopped altogether. In my head, the silence felt more like a pregnant pause instead of what it actually was, an awkward silence. The muteness was infrequently interrupted by a "Hey" or "hi", which barely led to anything. Although it stung on my side, I understood that this show called life had to keep going. So I went about living my life and she went about living hers. We didn't speak for a month or so. It felt like we were done.

During 1st quarter every year, a select few high schools in Eswatini/Swaziland come together to host a competitive sports event among themselves. Something like the teenage Olympics. I think all in all about 1000 teenagers show up every year. Over the years it’s become extremely competitive. Aside from the actual competition, the event has turned into a hub for stuntastic behavior, alcohol + drug abuse and obnoxiously loud music. Picture a sports themed music festival without a stage or artists performing.

I had no plans to go that year. I was actually in a studio right next to the stadium on the day the event was being held, with Young Grixxly (look him up, his music is really good!) and a mutual friend of ours. They wanted to check out who was all over there, I wanted to head home but ended up at the event by the power of peer pressure. We were uber late and couldn’t get in, so we were just awkwardly standing by the gate from the outside looking in. We started seeing familiar faces pass by with a handful of them coming by to greet us and give us play by plays of everything that had been happening since they got there. A bunch of people tried sneaking us in too. It didn’t take much time for me to lose interest in the whole thing. I zoned out and started contemplating my early escape back to the crib, right when I recognized a familiar voice repeatedly calling out my name from the other side of the gate. Y’all wouldn’t believe who it was.

Imma drop some unreleased music on my audiomack if y’all guess this correctly.

Was it…

A) Dannie

B) Vanessa from Phineas and Ferb 

C) Samuel L Jackson

D) Thanos

To be continued.

[juunshua]

Things are going well - thanks for asking! Movement refers to the individual muscles and bones used in the process of dancing whereas the final product is the look at the end; is my arm the same height as the person next to me, does the group formation look proportional, etc. I wouldn't say Hoshi or Vernon are the best dancers but they have great control over their bodies (the movement) and seungkwan probably picked up on that attention to detail to a certain degree. Like you I was drawn to (1/)

svt because their choreo allowed me to engage with the music different than how I usually do with that with other groups. I'm multifandom af but svt holds a special place in my brain, hence all the mentioned groups lol. I guess I've been into kpop for a while but that interest has been in waves. In my younger days I was really into keeping up with groups but now I check them out whenever someone, usually a dancer, or music catches my attention. (2/)It's a matter of random sampling; after a while companies are bound to attract a kid with experience in something beyond typical idol expectations. It's like singing: habits die hard especially those learned when young. I'm not sure of they kept up with the (3/)It's like singing in that aspect: old habits die hard. Fei and Victoria for example rarely moved their torso because in traditional Chinese dance the expression and artistry comes from the arms and legs but in a hip hop dominated field constricting those muscles makes them seem stiff and uncordinated. Same goes for anyone who learned ballet. Another example of this is Yuju from gfriend. While her arms are fine, she has a stiff lower body probably due to having learned figure skating (4/)Where the ankles knees and pelvis has to be stiff for the jumps. But when compared to the other girls in gfriend, something looks off about her dancing even when the overall picture looks right. Fun fact: stephanie danced for the LA ballet a few years back. Her approach to dancing is creative and strong even for a former idol. considering that both jyp and lsm actively performed throughout the 90s, I'm not suprised the companies are big on injury pervention. That's not always the case (6/)Because quite a few of their idols have been injured on the job. Yuri only recently got surgery for her ankle even though it's been an issue for a couple of years now. Choreo for TT had to be modified to accommodate jihyo's knee towards the last legs of promotions. Mark's spine is in terrible condition from all the jumps he had to do for girlsx3. Jype and sme stress technique more than other companies do but that is a low bar. No one knows what ** is doing. Either name is fine love (7)

im replying super late again laskdjf i feel so bad :( i think i’ll call you technique anon! bc our conversations werent limited to dance :) 

ooh thank you for the clarification between the two! and yeah svt in general has engaged me musically in many ways that no other group really has done i always wondered if musicians felt somewhat similar about them. ahaha i used to be wayyy more multifandom back in the day but over the years its really significantly dwindled and alskdjf im the same! like when i was younger id look for new debuts and everything and make sure i checked out their debut song to see if i wanted to get into that group or not but now its way different there are so many groups first of all that debut, and as life happens i kinda got more busy so that also shifted how i approached kpop in general. also i think getting into svt for me personally was a big turning point in my kpop life too ahaha like i said before, theyve engaged me musically in ways no other group has done, but also in many other ways. i dont think ive ever been this mentally invested in a group in my life, like not even for my ult group(s) so that just naturally also takes more time up in life. its so interesting what a trained eye can catch!!! laksjdf ngl yuju was probably one of my more favorite dancers in gfriend (maybe im being biased since shes...well...my bias) i dont think i ever noticed something off about her? like in the overall picture! do you have examples? but i can see how her lower body was stiffer. i know nothing about dance and different companies, but is the LA ballet a prestigious place to be? i had no idea that she was a former kpop idol oh my. def props to her for keeping up with the demands of a dancer while still being a kpop idol though. at least when it comes to the voice, many vocalists can get ‘weaker’ (for lack of a better word) after debut, they tend to abandon technique in favor of i guess pleasing the ear or going with a certain image for the group/songs theyre approaching. is there something similar with dancers? seeing how many of them aren’t necessarily trained in hip hop styled dances? you did mention yuju and fei/victoria though i suppose it is similar. :O why did i never know about yuris ankle? :( oh my I DIDNT KNOW JIHYO got injured towards the end of TT promotions? but thats good the company adjusted the dance to accommodate for her knee but i looked it up and it seems that they just made her/twice stand in places where they/she usually sat? i feel like thats a common pattern ive seen in choreo changes for groups when a member injures something (like daniel during energetic promtions). did jihyo injure while dancing though or? omg did mark really? is there a way to prevent all this though like didnt hao also injure himself because of what he had to do for the dwc choreo (or were those just rumors bc he still does that flip)? its always just so confusing to me how, when theres all these things out there if you just take two seconds out of your life and research (which is what id assume any good ceo would do) like why is the pop world so against it. like its not just kpop, just popular music in general seems to be driven by not tending to spend much time on just knowing the proper ways to do things. its not a big huge secret that people are keeping to themselves like information is there and esp in this world of the internet, its even to an extent free? and its so sad bc we see things like jyp swearing on the ‘half breath half sound’ method because thats what he learned in the states(?) or whatever like? ??? but i guess, it also makes sense bc in a sense i suppose being popular has a lifespan? maybe people arent as heavily invested in things that could make their artists run for a longer time, because that might not be something they want? like god the 7 year curse for kidols is too real. like if ur just gonna devote only 7 years of ur life, which is obviously a significant portion of one’s life just not the companies voice, then why would they care if you can survive past that? or smth idk what im saying at this point ahaha. but at least sm and jyp are doing /something/ i guess? and i wonder why jyp is like that for dance but not vocals hmm, even if it is a low bar. 

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.