#because no one should be that young and that famous- but also the hubris of thinking everything he made would be a hit bc the first one was
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Finally read Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk as a nearly life long Panic! at the Disco fan and… Ah… Oughh… Thinking about Ryan Ross… How did he know
[Image description: Poorly taken photo of Invisible Monsters Remix by Chuck Palahniuk, reversed because the print was intentionally backwards. It reads: Not the least of which was his quote about being famous. The reality is that in the future everyone will get some damned privacy for fifteen minutes— and that’s if they’re lucky and stay clear of anything internet.” (This next paragraph is highlighted.) Not even Evie Cottrell wants to be famous forever. She, who legally changed her name so that it would always end with an exclamation point, so that even her license said Evie!…”]
#Ryan Ross#panic! at the disco#panic at the disco#patd#personal#ugh I hope some of y’all understand what I’m trying to say here#like. the initial hunger for it all- how there’s an exclaimation point in panic’s name#then the absolute disinterest and retreating from fame#because no one should be that young and that famous- but also the hubris of thinking everything he made would be a hit bc the first one was#like…….. was this subconscious? WAS RHIS PART EVEN IN THE ORIGINAL BOOK THIS IS THE UODATED 2012 VERSION AFSGDHSJBSJ
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What do you think about Asclepius/Nico and malcolm/nico?
hmm. this is kinda hard to say.
With Malcolm, tbh I... don't have any special impression of him in canon LOL. A side character, yes he is. It doesn't change much in fanfic either, ngl. I guess it's because Malcolm is less likely to pop up in Nico-centric fanfics and I make a point of not reading Percabeth, on principle. It's different from Michael Yew or Lee Fletcher, who are Will's brothers and thus have more chances to appear.
With that being said, my image of Malcolm Pace is actually quite a remarkable thing. I tend to think of him as more mature than his age, hence a somewhat cold, stoic repertoire (i honestly don't know why...). And I can't tell if this is just me or something I once read, but I always think Malcolm would be compared a lot to Annabeth - his talented, heroic leader of a sister, which results in a bit of bitterness and a surpassing urge to prove himself.
Integrating him with Nico though, then I must be better than everyone might be a fascinating contrast/ parallel to Nico. Why, you ask? Because as far as my takes on Nico go, he is a selfless but also resentful little thing, who thinks he himself is nothing good so he tries to be good anyway. It might be a good mix with Malcolm's envy of a motto.
It wouldn't be too far off to picture a scenario in which Nico starts talking back to Malcolm for trying too hard to idk, govern everything? Athena's children's fatal flaw is hubris, yeah? Nico is a self-deprecating thing, with a poisonous mouth to boost. He is hard to intimidate and quick to burst. If Nico can sass Hades to battle, can you imagine how he'd throw Malcolm's hubris back to his face?
In another scenario, however, I would love to indulge in Malcolm's calmness and maturity. Idk I just think a calm and hard-to-shake one might be good for Nico? Since the little shit is too unstable already? Imma be honest: I always have a bias for those with good emotional regulation.
And frankly? It would absolutely be funny when people think Nico has a crush on Annabeth and then realizes it's her sister ajshdajksdhak.
As for Asclepius, I suppose my impression remains the same with Solangelo, I guess? Since, you know, it's kinda the same dynamic? Healer x Death Eater?
The most noticeable difference I'd say is that Asclepius is, well, dead LMAO. Which is a sign for fun when it comes to Nico in my books. Well he's the son of Hades. He has the right to get an immortal/ghost boyfriend. I believe nothing else.
What got my attention is that Asclepius is famous for bringing people back to death. Now, I headcanon Nico as a faithful believer in death and decay and the like, so I think it should be intriguing to picture them trying to understand each other and then growing closer as a result. As a nature-defying healer and the young lord of the dead, that is.
Because as much as I like Nico as Underworld's favorite child, I do think he values life, so he wouldn't... you know, fault Asclepius for it. Likewise, Asclepius doesn't seem to hate death as it is. A healer, more than anyone, understands its weight. They're both troubled by the other's actions however, and that right there spells good interactions too me. And I'm all for parallels and people from two worlds.
In the fortunate event that you're saying Asclepius as in a ghost (without the subsequent godhood), then I'm quite interested in picturing him as Nico's health assistant instead. In my Nico healing in the Underworld AU, yeah? It sounds kinda fitting to me. Now I'm invested LOL (and no, I don't care about dependence. Hell I'd make Nico depend on Asclepius if it has to come to it. I'm an unapologetic creator)
The meet-the-parent would probably funny tho bc well. Hades was the indirect reason for Asclepius' death. That alone right there is comedy material.
Just imagine Hades, who has been pleasantly under the impression that his son has gotten himself a nice one in their own House, has his eyes bugged out as Nico warily pulls Asclepius through the door. adjkhasdkjashk
Nico being like: "Don't you dare kill my boyfriend again, dad" pls I'M WHEEZING
And Apollo. Omg Apollo. The poor guy watched his son die, took revenge for it, suffered because of said revenge, and now has to sit at the same table with the one who contributed to that death as a father-in-law IM---ASHDSJKAHDK.
I don't think he would be against them together, per se, I just think there would be a lot of materials to work on.
This is everything I can think of atm I guess. I'm quite interested to know how come you're so invested in these two particular ships though. Bc I'm aware there's at least one Asclepius/Nico fic out there. 👀
There was something that caught your eye, perhaps? Would you be so kind to share? 👀👀👀
#i'd love to know pls pls pls#nico di angelo#pjo#hoo#toa#yone rambling#percy jackson and the olympians#heroes of olympus#trials of apollo#malcolm pace#asclepius#malcolm/nico#Asclepius/nico#fanfic talk again bc what’s new anw?
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I really thought they would finally stfu but ofc now they're saying the judge's decision was wrong and based on no evidence, that the reliability of the witnesses should not have been questioned and that the sentence is too high compared to yoo inseoks. ngl their whole argument of the sk justice system being unjust and out to get their poor oppa is starting to look lowkey racist to me (aside from the more obvious problems with it). 99% don't even speak korean. How the fuck would they even know? I doubt they know shit about the country let alone its legal system. How dare they claim all these law professionals involved in this case are dumb and incompetent. How dare they speak over korean's women's voices just because their fave got involved in some shit. They make it seem like the korean people and kvips are dumb and brainwashed because they refuse to believe that pos. Even on the off chance that he isn't guilty of all of his charges. He's a rich man. He can appeal. He can probably just be a good boy for a year and then get out somehow. Why are they so worried for him? Why do they continue to refuse to let people just move the fuck on? They ask for justice but will not believe any verdict besides one that comes from their own beloved idol's mouth. Besides... Even if the government and jurisdiction there were corrupt, wouldn't it be the other way around? Wouldn't they favour the famous rich guy? What would they even be gaining in witch hunting him? Hubris much? Absolutely shameless and disgusting the lot of them.
👏👏👏
I almost don't want to say anything because this is so good already, but... a few comments:
1) "the reliability of the witnesses should not have been questioned" -- I've read many reports and not once have I seen the reliability of the witnesses questioned? Not saying it isn’t possible, just that I haven’t seen it reported. I do know, however, that Seungri's reliability was questioned. It was said that from the police investigation to the prosecutor's investigation to the court proceedings his statements were inconsistent and lacked credibility. And they DID. Especially if you take into account his statements to the public, of which there were plenty. Most notably that Chosun interview that he got out there and gave while he was a primary suspect in the middle of a criminal investigation.
For example, the chat that shows Seungri instructing Yoo & Co to find prositutes for their investors at Club Arena... Seungri's excuses, in chronological order:
"The chats are fabricated." (this was the first chat to be released and the first one he responded to publicly)
"The chats aren't fabricated, I just didn't remember them."
"I don't know why I said that. I think I was drinking."
"It isn’t about sex. It's a phrase that means something else and is used by young people. You old folks wouldn't understand." (regarding the phrase "girls that give it good")
"It was a typo due to my phone's autocorrect function."
Another example: how about that confession he made at his arrest warrant hearing in May 2019? You know, the one that his zealous fans will insist until their dying breath was "all media lies"? He admitted in front of a judge, "I had sexual relations with a female employee of an adult entertainment establishment after paying money," said it was "difficult to admit" because of his celebrity status, and claimed he was "reflecting." It doesn't get any clearer than that! But somehow, over a year later when his trial officially began, that very detailed confession of his turned into "I don't remember. But if I did sleep with her, I didn't know she was a prostitute."
???
He actually addressed this in one of his final hearings. He tried to explain away his changing statement by saying that he had only admitted to it because the woman did, and if she said it happened, he thought he had no choice but to agree (?!) but when he reviewed her testimony he found it "unreliable." And just like that he didn't remember after all.
Y'all. What the hell. Who does that? Who, despite being unsure of the validity of a criminal charge against him, confesses anyway? Certainly not someone as careful and calculating as Seungri. What most likely happened is he analyzed her statement to police and found holes in it that he thought he could exploit. At least he confirmed that the confession at the warrant hearing was real and his stans can finally shut up about it being a made-up media conspiracy. But of course we know they won't. They won't.
2) "the sentence is too high compared to yoo inseoks" -- Of course Seungri's sentence is more severe than Yoo Insuk's. Yoo pleaded guilty to all but one of his charges at his first hearing (the embezzlement charge he only partially agreed with), saving the court a great deal of time and effort in closing his case. Seungri, on the other hand, pleaded not guilty to all but one of his charges. Seungri went into this knowing full well that by fighting the charges and making this a headache for everyone he was risking a harsher penalty should he be found guilty. That's how it works over there. His unrepentant attitude and refusal to accept responsibility and reflect were reasons explicitly given for the prosecution’s requested 5-year sentence. He gambled with the legal system and he lost.
You'll also see his fans crying foul at CJH and JJY getting shorter sentences. Actually, CJH and JJY received higher sentences initially (5 years and 6 years respectively). The reason they are lower now (2.5 and 5) is because they wouldn't accept the results and appealed their cases to death.
3) "their whole argument of the sk justice system being unjust and out to get their poor oppa is starting to look lowkey racist to me" -- They've been highkey racist about this since the beginning. You'd be appalled to see some of the blatantly xenophobic things they've spewed to me about Koreans entirely in defense of Seungri.
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I love your blog so much. It brings me joy in these troubling times. Have you ever covered Pliny the Elder's claims that cranes fly south seasonally to fight their mortal enemies - dwarves that ride tiny horses? That tidbit threw me the hardest when reading his book, and I've always wondered where it came from?
This is a tricky one! The passage in question (supposedly describing India), for anyone unfamiliar:
Beyond these people, and at the very extremity of the mountains, the Trispithami and the Pygmies are said to exist; two races which are but three spans in height, that is to say, twenty-seven inches only. They enjoy a salubrious atmosphere, and a perpetual spring, being sheltered by the mountains from the northern blasts; it is these people that Homer has mentioned as being waged war upon by cranes. It is said, that they are in the habit of going down every spring to the sea-shore, in a large body, seated on the backs of rams and goats, and armed with arrows, and there destroy the eggs and the young of those birds; that this expedition occupies them for the space of three months, and that otherwise it would be impossible for them to withstand the increasing multitudes of the cranes. Their cabins, it is said, are built of mud, mixed with feathers and egg-shells. Aristotle, indeed, says, that they dwell in caves; but, in all other respects, he gives the same details as other writers (Natural History, 7.2)
Like it says, the earliest mention of Crane Warfare comes from the Iliad:
Now when they were marshalled, the several companies with their captains, the Trojans came on with clamour and with a cry like birds, even as the clamour of cranes ariseth before the face of heaven, when they flee from wintry storms and measureless rain, and with clamour fly towards the streams of Ocean, bearing slaughter and death to Pygmy men (Loeb edition, III.1-6)
but that’s pretty clearly a reference the audience is expected to recognize, rather than the origin of the belief. It does seem to be a reasonably common cultural touchstone, since crane fights show up everywhere from Aesop’s fables to the famous François Vase:
[Image via Wikimedia Commons]
as well as other less famous comic pottery, like this wine jug:
[© Marie-Lan Nguyen / Wikimedia Commons]
My best guess would be that it arose out of a combination of real crane migrations and confused early anthropology, but I 100% have animal-focused tunnel vision and this is brushing up against the edges of my knowledge, so if any classicists have more/better info I’d love to hear it!
[Literary Digression: around the 2nd c. CE, there’s an interesting shift towards mythological explanations for the war that start with Hera/Juno transforming a woman into a crane as punishment for her hubris.
It shows up in Ovid as a passive aggressive warning from Minerva to Arachne during their weaving contest:
And then, to give Arachne an idea / of the reward this upstart can expect / for her audacious bid for praise and glory, / the goddess then expertly represents / in each of the four corners of her work, / a different contest [...] in the second corner she depicted / the terrifiying fate of the pygmy queen: / when Juno had defeated her, she ordered / her to transform herself into a crane / and then make war upon her former subjects (Metamorphoses, Charles Martin translation, 6.116-131)
The grammarian Antoninus Liberalis gives the story (probably unintentional) tragicomic notes by having the newly crane-ified woman follow her son around until her tribe gets so sick of the constant moping that they chase her off & declare war on all cranes:
But Hera found fault with Oinoe for not honouring her and turned her into a crane, elongated her neck, ordained that she should be a bird that flew high. She also caused war to arise between her and the Pygmaioi. Yearning for her child Mopsos, Oinoe flew over houses and would not go away. But all the Pygmaioi armed themselves and chased her away. Because of this there arose a state of war then as well as now between the Pygmaioi and the cranes (Metamorphoses, 16)
& my boy Aelian is as extra as always:
a certain woman became queen and ruled over the Pygmies; her name was Gerana, and the Pygmies worshipped her as a god, paying her honours too august for a human being. The result was, they say, that she became so puffed up in her mind that she held the goddesses of no account. It was especially Hera, Athena, Artemis, and Aphrodite that, she said, came nowhere near her in beauty. But she was not destined to escape the evil consequences of her diseased imagination. For in consequence of the anger of Hera she changed her original form into that of a most hideous bird and became the crane of today and wages war on the Pygmies because with their excessive honours they drove her to madness and to her destruction (On Animals, 15.29)]
#asks#cranes#birds#this got so long sorry!#i have no idea why i felt a sudden yearning for not quite mla style citations#but the heart wants what it wants
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GabeNath Reverse Bang 2020 Masterpost
Lady in Blue
When Gabriel akumatizes Audrey again, it goes awry and backfires on him. When he, Ladybug and Chat Noir are compromised, Nathalie decides it’s time for her to take matters into her own hands.
Fanfic, archived Art, archived
Changing Hearts and Changing Tides
The Agreste boys and their plus one, Nathalie, have decided to spend the week in a cabin by the coast. While Gabriel tries to mend his fractured relationship with Adrien, Nathalie is more or less there to keep the peace, but she soon finds herself out of her depth. With emotions shifting as frequently as the tide can the trio band together and take strides towards the future, or will they be swept out to sea and left hanging?
Fanfic, archived Art, archived
Your Sword and Shield
The last time the Graham de Vanilys showed up to the Agreste mansion, they proved they are not to be trusted. Nathalie should have known Amelie would go to treacherous lengths to get under her skin. After a tense confrontation and the shocking reveal of a new villain, Nathalie must step into a new role to protect the one she loves.
Fanfic, archived Art, archived
A Moment of Reflection
After a particularly upsetting defeat, Gabriel is feeling like it might be time to throw in the butterfly brooch and move on. Nathalie tries to encourage him to continue but even she has some reservations about the idea. The two have a heart to heart over some brandy and learn things about each other.
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well, of course i’ve tried lavender
K O E L N @archekoeln you think, i didn’t know mayura was the type to resort to something like this? but you’re wrong, because now you’re being carried like a sack of potatoes above paris and, 3/11
K O E L N @archekoeln well, the view’s nice and all but you’re also in the arms of a villain??? 4/11
K O E L N @archekoeln you also think, how is she so strong??? because you know you aren’t as light as a feather (haha i’m funny) and her arms are skinny af, but you know, magic i guess 5/11
or
An online thread about Mayura sparks something in Gabriel. And as her boss (and friend, and villainous partner, and her something), isn’t it his job to… to do what exactly? Well, even he doesn’t know.
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Not All Heroes Wear Capes
Superheroes, in daily life, usually remained hidden. Men and women, bestowed with god-like powers, living among those whose only powers remained in their knowledge and talents. One of these heroes was Mayura, a peacock-themed superheroine with the power to create new life. As more laborers were going on strike, Mayura’s efforts to keep the economy from deflating were more crucial than ever. Because of her, livelihoods were kept intact for the destitute. For the corporate overlords, however, she was the bane of their luxurious existence. But what does this mean to Gabriel Agreste?
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Broken Arrow
Ordinary innkeeper Nathalie is plagued with visions of a captive Gabriel, begging for help. She sets out to recruit his son Adrien, the Demigod of Love, to aid her in freeing Gabriel from Emilie, the goddess of beauty. But Nathalie doesn’t know the secret that Adrien keeps from her that may tear them all apart.
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Gabriel’s Inferno
Nothing seemed to predict how it all would end, and yet it had to have been obvious. It had been weeks since Mayura’s last appearance and he didn’t even let her go out to fight in person, but a broken miraculous doesn’t get carried away by precautions once it’s activated. With Nathalie balancing between life and death, Gabriel will have the opportunity to fix things or lose himself forever in a hellish battle that will overcome all nightmares.
Fanfic (English), archived Fanfic (Spanish), archived Art, archived
If I Could Turn Back Time
Gabriel and Nathalie obtain the rabbit miraculous and travel into the paths of time as Velveteen and Mayura, with the goal of preventing the chain of events that would lead to Emilie’s death. But on their way to Tibet, they encounter surprising visions of possible futures that leave them questioning what is possible and what they really want.
Fanfic, archived Art, archived
This is Hallowe’en
With All Hallow’s Eve hanging over their heads, the Agreste household gets wrapped into celebrating Samhain. With Gabriel and Adrien following Nathalie’s knowledgeable path, they can not fail, probably. This moderately functional family will honor Emilie Agreste in the best ways they can.
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Malleable Fates
A red thread starts materializing around Gabriel’s finger nearly two decades after he’s already found his soulmate. As he and Nathalie devise a faultless plan to finally win Ladybug and Chat Noir’s miraculous and bring back his wife, Gabriel fights the onslaught of confusing feelings brought about the mysterious reappearance of his soulmate string - including the sneaking suspicion that his soulmate maybe isn’t who she used to be.
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The Splintered Soul Staring Back At Me
In the aftermath of the battle and a brief hospital stay, Nathalie is safe at home. Her recovery has been a bit stagnant, but she’s been granted leave from work and the miraculous is finally fixed. Things can only go up from here, right?
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With the Flap of a Butterfly’s Wing
It only took one little thing, the barest of moments, for Duusu to feel their love, and decide that they had to do something about it. Which was how Duusu ended up roping Nooroo into trying everything under the sun to match up their two stubborn holders.
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The Orders He Defies
After her husband’s death, Nathalie Sancoeur fell into deep despair. Determined to bring him back, she set her goal on obtaining the Black Cat and Ladybug miraculous, using the power of her own one. All her attempts for the last year, however, were futile. Should she remain careful? Or should she let it all burn, as her assistant Gabriel suggests she should? And is the goal even worth its price?
Fanfic (English), archived Fanfic (Ukranian), archived Art, archived
Royal Pain
Nathalie liked to think that she would make a pretty good king. If she had been born as the opposite sex, anyways. But as the facts were, Princess Nathalie Sancoeur had a duty thrust upon her that she would rather have not, all things considered: to be married to a foreign prince, in order to bring good fortune to her family and kingdom, and bolster their strength should the rapidly-cooling relations with one of the neighboring countries turn into a full-blown war. It was enough to make her gag every time she thought of it.
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Dancing on Broken Glass
It was Lila that almost reduced Paris to rubble.It was that conflict that caused an irreversible change to two miraculous holders.It was that change that brought them together.
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Anagnorisis
«Define Hubris»
Gabriel never considered how much a Deus Ex Machina would cost.
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Worth
It’s been seventeen years since Nathalie and Gabriel sat in the cramped studio working hard to get the brand off the ground, and now he can’t help but reflect on those long-forgotten years.
Before Emilie. Before Adrien. Before the money and fame.
As he looks at her across his desk… he wonders if it was all worth it.
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A Witch’s Desire
Gabriel Agreste was a peculiar man, who was known around town both as a famous fashion designer and a powerful witch who was able to read and control minds, though he never used that second power unless there was a real emergency. Heck, he barely even used the first. But after losing his wife, Gabriel becomes desperate to do anything he can to bring her back, even that means using his powers for evil, or tracking down a mysterious powerful witch who had disappeared many years ago, with the power to bring the dead back to life.
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Not a Minute of Peace
Even though the akuma wants to shackle them, the Collector and Catalyst have more freedom than Gabriel and Nathalie ever had. They may be criminals turned into prey, but they enjoy the hunt. There is only one thing they are running from.
Fanfic, archived Art, archived
Revision
Nathalie made the wish.
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The Woman With The Golden Feathers
The annual Bourgeois masquerade comes at the right time for Gabriel. In a moment of personal uncertainty after his discreet divorce, he will find the possible answer in a mysterious lady with golden feathers.
Fanfic, archived Art, archived
Time and Time Again
The stress of being a young designer trying to make it in the fashion industry is taking its toll, and Gabriel’s and Nathalie’s marriage is slowly unraveling.
They’ve stood the tests of life since their first year of university, but when everything comes crashing down, Gabriel finds himself stuck reliving the day it happened. Failing and falling, time and time again with every passing ‘day’. Why is he here? How can he stop it? The answer lies in a choice as to what matters more: his career or the woman who has stood by him through it all.
Fanfic, archived Art, archived
Clarity
A year after Hawkmoth’s surrender, Gabriel asks Nathalie to join him to gaze at the stars. While she waits for him, she contemplates the empty space left by the removal of the portrait from the foyer hall. Growth ensues for them both as they learn to just be by each other’s side.
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C’est la Vie; C’est le Ballet
After the death of his wife, upstart choreographer Gabriel Agreste is looking for a new star for his ballet, Miraculous. Hard to please and willing to do whatever it takes for the sake of the show, none of the auditionees fit his artistic vision…
…except Nathalie, a former prima ballerina turned ballet instructor. She’s stoic and very dedicated to her craft, but there’s a reason she stopped performing four years ago and it has dangerous potential.
Through the trials and triumphs and betrayals that run hand in hand with the world of ballet, Gabriel and Nathalie begin to find something more in each other’s company, and perhaps the seeds of new beginnings.
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I’m Praying (There’s Saving)
It was to be Gabriel’s first party on Olympus, but little did he know it would also be the last. Not only for him, but for everyone. In the blink of an eye everything changed, sending the god of nature and his newborn son to take refuge with the Queen of the Dead. They thought they were safe, but even the depths of the underworld couldn’t escape the King’s wrath forever.
Fanfic, archived Art, archived
#gabenath reverse bang#gabenath events#gabenath#miraculous ladybug#reverse bang#gabenath reverse bang 2020#masterpost 2020
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Vanguard (Trust AU)
(So I guess it’s just a given that I’ll forget to crosspost stuff if I don’t post them at the same time. That’s okay, though. Here is another glimpse into the unlife of Colfax as a vampire.)
Colfax has lived a really long time. As one of the founding members of the Vanguard, he might seem like just another enforcer, but he's really .... not. At all. And the Vanguard doesn't like it when vampires make a spectacle of things, because secrecy.
Colfax happens to be really good at bringing the drama in these situations.
Reading time approx. 5-10 minutes; Some violence described
Vampire Trust AU co-created with @creatorofuniverses , with more stories available on @alittleblogoftrust
~~~
Year: 2008 Colfax adjusted the collar of his shirt, an attempt to make the tie more comfortable. As with most brand new clothes, that was a tough task. The whole suit was fresh from the tailor, ready for him to go and carry out a task he wasn’t fond of. He’d have loved to ignore the messages, but this was critical and he was the nearest Vanguard enforcer.
Someone was drawing attention. A spree killer, the media was saying. It was spreading information faster than the Vanguard could control what was getting out. That would not do.
After seeing some of the photos his sister had sent him, it was a marvel people weren’t already whispering about vampires. Disbelief had worked for so long, but now, it was harder than ever to keep people’s noses out of it. Photoshop was powerful, but so were conspiracy theories.
Colfax adjusted the cuffs of his jacket next, a frown fainter than starlight on his face. He’d tracked their quarry to the unassuming little neighborhood of quiet shops and a dive bar or two. The edge of downtown was only blocks away, but here, the hunting ground was near perfect.
He looked like he could be waiting for an event. Standing at a corner by a homey little coffee shop, Colfax wasn’t hiding. In fact, he was as obvious as he could be without making a scene. Haloed by a street lamp, passersby gave him a wide berth.
He was willing to wait there past the last call if he had to. The vampire making a name for themself in this city was in the pub across the street--an old business that held on while the shops around it changed faces every decade or so.
The place was on the police’s list of suspect places, and in fact most nights they’d had a man undercover to watch for any patterns. There had been three deaths within a mile, though not all victims could be placed there. If Colfax were to guess, the pub was the place to spot lone prey on the move without drawing too much attention. Even across the street, he’d already noted three people walking alone on the same block within easy view.
He wasn’t left watching people go by for as long as he expected. Before midnight even approached, Colfax spotted a young woman passing the pub with a pair of friends. When they continued down the block, she waved a goodbye to them. She’d parked nearby, so she said, and would see them tomorrow. Innocent, noisy, and brazen against the night. She may as well have worn a sign declaring her a free meal.
Any other time, it might be Colfax taking her up on that challenge. The most danger she’d face would be lightheadedness for a few days, perhaps a harsh dehydration headache.
If she fell victim to the other one, she would become famous, but not in a way most young people wanted.
By the time she was snatched into an alley mere steps from her car, Colfax wasn’t standing under the streetlight anymore. He arrived at the alley in time to see a flicker of motion as a door closed. Just across from the pub’s back door, an unoccupied building waited, locked up and perfect for waiting out prey like a trap door spider.
Ah. Clever.
A locked door didn’t mean all that much to Colfax. He followed into the abandoned building, a part of him awakening to relish the chase. His target might be another vampire, but a hunt is a hunt. Halls and offices stood in place of a jungle, and he followed unerringly after the faint sounds of movement.
The other vampire didn’t make things difficult for him. Doubtless they expected no one to have noticed the woman disappearing from the street. Doubtless, they had allowed themselves to become arrogant after weeks and weeks of the same without any retribution.
Hunting in the same place wasn’t a problem. In fact, it was still fairly common among the stubborn ones who didn’t want to move around too often. Vampires could claim their territory if they were willing to stand up for it, and the hunting in their radius was good enough.
Making a name for oneself? That was frowned upon.
Colfax stalked his quarry past several spacious office rooms filled with old cabinets and furniture that had been collecting dust for years. Chairs and trash bins stacked high in some areas, like misshapen pillars distracting the eye and hiding strange shadows.
Luckily, Colfax could see quite well in the dark.
He followed the sounds to what might once have been a conference room. His nose wrinkled slightly as he approached the door. A lot of blood had shed in that room, and so far none of it fresh. It was the vampire’s lair, without a doubt, and the young woman might be facing the end of her life soon.
Colfax rounded the threshold of the door without an attempt at further stealth. Once he found the other vampire, he didn’t need to hide. He wasn’t the one in trouble.
The lair was about what he’d have expected. A long table lay on its side, blocking off the view of the back third of the room. In front of it, the old carpet was stained over and over with the death blows of many people that had then been found all over the city. Dull blades piled in the corner, machetes and cleavers for what purpose Colfax wished he wasn’t privy to.
Really, it was just so over the top and needlessly flashy.
Colfax adjusted his lapel while the stunned vampire blinked at him. Already the troublemaker had the young woman entranced and staring helplessly up at him. His lips were parted and his fangs were showing, but he’d yet to break her skin. She only sported a bruise on her arm, shaped like the vice-like grip that dragged her away.
Credit to the upstart, he recognized what Colfax was and snarled. “Let me guess,” he hissed. “Vanguard?”
Colfax didn’t deign to give him a quick answer, and instead fiddled with the cuffs of his jacket again. Once he’d assured they were neat and even and his opponent was annoyed, his gaze flickered up again. “Vanguard,” he confirmed. “You’ve drawn notice.”
The vampire grinned, smugness and pride the only emotions he had room for. “Yeah? Here to give me a certificate? Maybe a trophy?”
“A warning,” Colfax answered. Already he was bored, and he had a feeling he knew exactly where this conversation would go. The vampire would resist him, and get arrogant, and he’d have to get dramatic. “The single warning you are allowed to cease your high-profile killings and allow the growing media interest to peter out before you quietly leave town and establish roots elsewhere.”
The vampire sneered. “The Vanguard hasn’t done much for the past three hundred or so years,” he pointed out. “I’ve been at this for nearly seven hundred, you poor brute. It isn’t what it once was, no matter what they might have told you when they signed you on as a new suit. I will do as I please.”
There it was. The exact sort of thing he could expect from a hotshot like this. Plenty of age behind him, a lot of experience, and the hubris to go with it.
Luckily, for his dramatics’ sake, precious few could surprise him with their age.
“Your warning has been given,” he declared. “Without promise of cooperation, I am at liberty to pass judgment. Should you request it, I can be swift.”
The other vampire actually let his claimed prize drop to the floor. She landed in a seated position, still staring up at him. Despite the harsh impact, she didn’t make a single sound of pain.
“Back off, enforcer,” the vampire warned. “I don’t care what you tell your masters about this, that you couldn’t find me, or you couldn’t keep up. If we have to fight, I won’t go easy. This is my town.”
Colfax side-eyed the woman on the floor. The poor girl was probably going to have some wild nightmares after all this, hypnosis or not. When he met the other vampire’s gaze again, he tugged on his hypnotic ability, just for a moment. “My masters,” he echoed, neutral in tone yet somehow as derisive as could be.
Vampire hypnotism wasn’t the easiest ability to master for most. Some could take centuries to effectively enthrall their victims, and decades of unlife were required at minimum for the ability to appear at all. It was a tricky defense, and took a lot of practice. Only the most practiced or the geniuses among their numbers could hope to turn it on one of their own kind.
Colfax happened to be both.
The other vampire’s eyes widened, and he lurched to the side with uncanny speed. He aimed to reach the door and find a better hiding place, perhaps, but Colfax could match his speed; he fed regularly, too.
His body slammed into the other’s with enough force to send them both flying against the door frame. The metal squealed and bowed in the middle, and Colfax latched a hand on the man’s shoulder just above the collarbone. Both of them had their fangs bared. Colfax’s eyes blazed with quiet anger, the other with loud rage.
“Seven hundred years,” Colfax said, as he leaned his free arm over the other vampire’s chest. “So Edward and Isabella had gotten married. Did you also attend the wedding? The coronation? What other fantastic things have you done in this long life?”
“Enough to last,” his opponent hissed. A kick with enough speed and power behind it to break cement came swift and unguarded at his ribs. Colfax’s bones didn’t yield, but he stumbled back anyway.
He followed the other vampire into the hall, leaving behind the hypnotized young woman. She was safe, and had been the moment Colfax stepped in. He let the other dart around a corner ahead, anticipating an ambush.
Indeed, as he came to the corner, a heavy shape dropped from above, barreling Colfax against the opposite wall. Drywall cracked as the man pinned him with a snarl, and Colfax opted not to fight back. Nonchalance would go a lot farther here than any defiance he could offer. The other’s snarl only became more pronounced.
Keyed up on bloodlust and adrenaline, the other vampire hissed in his face. “I was having a nice evening, enforcer,” he complained. “I think I’ll make my biggest spectacle yet tonight. I’d like to see the Vanguard try to cover me up after this.”
It was just too easy.
“I’ll oblige you,” Colfax spat back, once again meeting that gaze and giving a yank of his hypnotic influence.
As the man faltered, Colfax pushed back against him, grasping the front of his shirt and hoisting him up easily. As the vampire flew backwards in his abrupt toss, he struck the corner of the hallway and something snapped while the wall splintered. A screech echoed in both directions down the hallway, only exciting Colfax’s instincts further. He was upon his quarry before the other vampire even landed on the ground.
With his spine broken, the hotshot could only lie there as Colfax lurked over him. Behind his pain and anger, new fear lurked in his undead heart. Centuries weren’t easy to build up, but he might as well be fresh to his abilities compared to Colfax.
“You don’t even know how to brag about your age,” Colfax spat with contempt. “Allow me to demonstrate.” He stomped downwards on the man’s ribs to prompt a breathy howl, then squatted down.
“A thousand years ago, I watched the English skirmish with the Danes.” He grasped the man’s arm as it flailed at him, snapping both bones in it. “A thousand years before that, I heard news that Ovid had been banished from Rome.”
The man tried to sit up and twist away, and Colfax settled with a simple, straight hook to the face to leave the vampire leaning dazed against the wall. “I wasn’t done. A thousand years further and King David was building his promised land. He knew about our kind, you know. Someone like you thought to make sure of it.”
Vampires don’t strictly need to breathe, but the other was panting with open fear now. He tried to scoot away only for Colfax to grab the front of his shirt again. He pulled him close to meet his eyes one last time. “A thousand further still and my name already meant something. I could go on, but it seems you understand. You’ll be a spectacle, but not for the public. The Vanguard accepts your example. Congratulations.”
After so much teasing and pain, the other didn’t have the energy to resist. Colfax leaned forward and snapped as quick as a viper, opening the artery at the side of the vampire’s neck. All without taking a single drink of the dead blood flowing slowly there. A final insult.
He leaned back, spitting into a handkerchief and wiping away the remaining blood while the other vampire slowly and painfully ran out of stored energy to sustain his unlife. It was no stake to the heart, but that was a hunter’s method.
Colfax left him there as he stood and wandered back towards the conference room. He sent Gwen a quick text with the address of the building; she would likely have it razed and rebuilt. She liked projects like that to cover up a scandal and reinvigorate an area at the same time.
The young woman was unconscious when he found her. After a check that he wasn’t completely covered in blood that might get her in more trouble, he hoisted her up easily and carried her back out of the place she’d almost died.
He knew an officer to call to patrol the area and happen to find her and get her home. For unwittingly aiding the Vanguard, she’d earned a modicum of special treatment.
It was the least he could do.
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Clara Reads City of Bones Part 3: Hogwarts Institute for Witchcraft and Shadowhunting
The Plot Thus Far
When last we left off, our lovable cardboard cutout protagonist, Clary Fray, had been attacked by a demon called a Ravener and taken to a place called “The Institute”. After three days of recovery, she has an uncomfortable (for us) conversation with Isabelle Lightwood, where we learn that Isabelle is hot and that we, the audience, should hate her for that, and also that Jace Wayland lives with the Lightwood family because his parents are dead. We are meant to feel bad about this. We are meant to feel sorry for Jace, which is a bit of a tall order, considering that Jace Wayland is the worst person to ever smirk and shrug his way through a YA book. If I were trapped in an elevator with him I wouldn’t even wait five minutes to be rescued, I’d pry those doors open and just drop. Death is cruel but quality time with Jace Wayland is crueler.
So Clary leaves the hospital wing and goes down a long hallway, lead by the sound of someone playing a piano. Last time I said that it was Alec (Isabelle’s brother) who played piano, and that it was his only character trait, but nope!! It’s actually my favorite boy Jace, that sack of human refuse! So I guess Alec has no personality, actually. Anyway, they have some “witty” “banter”, and then Alec takes her to the library to talk to the head of the Institute, Hodge Starkweather, and, yeah. I think it’s time to talk about the Harry Potter stuff.
The Harry Potter Stuff
You know how E.L. James made minor changes to her crappy Twilight fanfic and then published it as 50 Shades of Gray? Well, as near as anyone can figure out, this is basically the same thing that Cassandra Clare did with her Harry Potter fanfic The Draco Trilogy. Just change the names, tweak the backstories ever so slightly, slap on a crappy cover and publish that sucker! It’s technically not plagiarism anymore! This is how you end up with stuff like "The Institute”, a secret school to teach young magic kids to control their powers, or Hodge Starkweather, elderly magic professor, who, one could argue, is a crackpot old fool teaching our protagonists magic tricks. (Gosh, how does Clare come up with this stuff?)
This obviously isn’t proof of any kind, but when the villain of your story is named “Valentine” and he’s an evil magic user who has been dead for sixteen years (the age of our secretly magic protagonist) and the main characters are afraid to even say his name...yeah, it doesn’t exactly take a genius to figure out where all of this comes from.
Now all this is frustrating, but it’s also hilarious. I mean, the big bad of the story is called Valentine. VALENTINE. And I actually laughed out loud for several minuted when I first read the name “Hodge Starkweather” to myself. I still get a little chuckle typing this. Oh, and since the word “muggle” would have JK Rowling’s lawyers on her ass faster than light, the word Cassandra Clare uses for non-magic people is...”Mundie”. It’s short for “mundane”. Like...first of all this is objectively hilarious. Second, mundane just means “normal”. If the Shadowhunter society is magical, then aren’t they they mundane ones? I know humans don’t have magic, but we still figured how to like, fly and stuff. That has to count for something. If I saw a dog that taught himself how to read, I wouldn’t like, make fun of him for not also being able to talk. I’d be like “Shit! That’s a pretty impressive fucking dog!” like what the fuck?
Anyway, this is all just a roundabout way to say that obviously this used to be a HP fic that through some twist of fate landed a publishing deal. And you know, it’s not as brain-meltingly bad as 50SoG, so who cares? Cassandra Clare’s just having fun, so who cares if her writing gets published?
Well...
The Plagiarism
So, yeah, she plagiarized lot. Like a lot. The Draco Trilogy has lines of dialogue taken directly from shows like Red Dwarf, Black Adder, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, as well as from Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett novels. Quoting shows apparently used to be pretty common in the early days of fanfiction, so there is context to consider here, but it gets worse. Cassandra Clare lifted almost a whole chapter, nearly word for word, from an out-of-print fantasy series called The Hidden Land, by Pamela Dean. On top of that, Clare was sued in 2016 by author Sherrilyn Kenyon, whose Darkhunter series predates Clares Shadowhunters series. (And for the record, Clare’s series was originally titled Darkhunters. Yikes.) You guys can read the full(ish) stories here and here.
I Guess I Have To Keep Talking About The Plot Now
Sigh. So after Hodge Starkweather (A+ naming there) tells them about Valentine, he explains that Shadowhunters are angel-human hybrids? Or something? They’re special, and they fight demons. Also faries, vampires, werewolves, all that stuff exists. We’re stuck with the Shadowhunters, however, because God has punished me for my hubris, and my work is never done. (Oh look, I just plagiarized Brian David Gibert. I’m a real author now, like Cassandra Clare!) The Shadowhunters were started thousands of years ago by a man named, I shit you not, Jonathan Shadowhunter. JONATHAN. FUCKING. SHADOWHUNTER. Why the fuck am I trying to come up with clever names for my characters? I should just name them all “Alex Clarasbook” and call it a fucking day. Fuck.
Anyway after a thrilling conversation with Alec-Who-Has-No-Personality, we find out that he does have a personality! His personality is that he hates humans. Oh, excuse me, “mundies.” Yep, that’s the best way to make a character relatable. Just make ‘em fucking racist. It’s okay though, it’s only magical racism so it evens out. Have I mentioned that this story has no poc?
(Oh also Clary’s mom was a Shadowhunter, but 1. I hate Clary and 2. literally a newborn baby could’ve figured that out, so)
Clary and Jace leave the Institute to go back to Clary’s house, and Clary slaps Jace, an act that brings me such joy that only the birth of my firstborn child will ever eclipse it, and even then, it will be it close tie. The moment is quickly over, however, as Clary immediately feels bad about it, because again, she is not a character. She’s a Walmart mannequin created for Jace to make out with. Then she sees two girls looking at Jace, and, in what can only be called the true essence of the book, “Clary turned instant traitor against her gender.” Just as a reminder, Clary sucks.
Anyway they get to her house, kill a giant, talk to a witch, yaddah yaddah yaddah. Basically nothing happens except the inevitable unraveling of my mental processes. I had to stop reading there because I have better things to do with my life besides destroying the few braincells I have left. I’ll post the next part soon, as soon as I can read more than five pages without wanting to fling the book off a seaside cliff into the frothing mist that obscures the swell and crash of the unforgiving waves. Until then, please enjoy some of my favorite bad lines.
Selected Passages (And Commentary)
“Jace chuckled. Clary could tell that he had come up behind her and was standing there with his hands in his pockets, grinning that infuriating grin of his.” (She knew all that without looking?)
“Attacked. Clary wondered if this was a euphemism for ‘murdered’.” (Clary you’re literally the dumbest person I’ve ever met.)
“Clary let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in.” (This may just be me being petty, but I hate this cliche so much.)
“‘You may be the only guy my age I’ve ever met who knows what bergamot is, much less that it’s in Earl Grey tea.” (Ah yes, that famous stereotype, that boys don’t know about tea. Oh, you like tea? Name three kinds. I hear sexist gatekeeping is a real problem in the tea community. I am not having a good time.)
“Dorothea chuckled. ‘It’s good to see a young woman eat her fill. In my day, girls were robust, strapping creatures, not twigs like they are nowadays.’ ‘Thanks,’ Clary said. She thought of Isabelle’s tiny waist and felt suddenly gigantic.” (Cassandra Clare’s super feminist, guys. You can tell because she’s always pitting her female characters against each other.)
Rating So Far
3/10-Bad. Jonathan Shadowhunter gets an entire 10/10. I’m going to have my name legally changed to Jonathan Shadowhunter.
#Clara Reads City of Bones#city of bones#shadowhunters#the mortal instruments#come at me i wanna fight
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Artemis – The Greek Goddess of Hunting
Artemis (Roman counterpart Diana) is the Greek goddess associated with the moon, chastity, the hunt, childbirth, and the wilderness. Daughter of Leto and Zeus, and twin sister of Apollo, Artemis is considered the patron and protector of young children and the patron of women in childbirth. Let’s take a closer look at the life and symbolism of Artemis.
The Story of Artemis
The story goes that Artemis was born on Delos or Ortygia. Some accounts say that she was born a day before Apollo. At three years old, she asked her powerful father Zeus to grant her six wishes, which were:
That she could remain unmarried and a virgin
That she would be given more names than her brother Apollo
That she could bring light to the world
That she would be given a special bow and arrow like her brother and have the freedom to dress up in a tunic when out hunting
That she would have 60 nymphs as friends who would keep her company and look after her hunting dogs
That she would have rule over all mountains
Zeus was amused by Artemis and granted her wishes. It’s clear that from an early age on, Artemis valued independence and freedom over everything else. She felt that marriage and love would be distractions and would take away her liberty.
Artemis swore never to marry, and like Athena and Hestia, Artemis remained a virgin for eternity. She was very protective of her chastity and guarded it with ferocity against any man who attempted to dishonor her. There are many myths that outline how Artemis punished men for violating her privacy:
Artemis and Actaeon: Artemis and her nymphs were bathing naked in a pool when Acaeon chanced by and fell to gazing at the group of beautiful women bathing in the nude. When Artemis saw him, she was furious. She turned him into a stag and set his pack of fifty hounds upon him. He faced a painful and tortured death and was torn to pieces.
Artemis and Orion: Orion was an old companion of Artemis, who would often go hunting with her. Some accounts suggest that Orion was the only love interest that Artemis had. In any case, it didn’t end well for him. Fascinated and attracted by Artemis, he tried to take off her robes and rape her, but she killed him with her bow and arrow. Variations to this story say that Gaia or Apollo intervened and killed Orion, to protect the purity of Artemis.
Like many Greek gods, Artemis was quick to respond to perceived slights. If she felt she was disobeyed or in some way dishonored, she retaliated swiftly. Frequently, her legends include her turning enemies and denigrators into animals for her to hunt. In addition to this, however, she was seen as a protector to young girls and a goddess of childbirth, demonstrating her capacity for caring as well as retribution.
Temple of Artemis, Jerash
Artemis was worshipped throughout ancient Greece and many artistic renderings have her standing in a forest with her bow and arrows, a deer by her side. She was frequently given special worship by those expecting children. As a goddess of childbirth, people would donate clothing to her sanctuaries after the successful birth of a child as a way of thanking Artemis for her favour.
The oldest art of Artemis depicts her as Potnia Teron, or Queen of the Beasts. She stands as a winged goddess, holding a stag and lioness in opposite hands. In Classical Greek art, however, Artemis is shown as a young huntress, a quiver on her back and bow in her hand. Sometimes, she is shown accompanied by one of her hunting dogs or a stag.
In Roman mythology, Artemis’ equivalent is known as Diana. Diana was believed to be the patron goddess of the countryside, hunters, crossroads, and the moon. While Artemis and Diana have quite a lot of overlap, they could be characterized very differently and are therefore not the same.
Symbols and Characteristics of Artemis
Artemis is depicted or associated with numerous symbols, including:
Bow and Arrow – As the goddess of the hunt, the bow and arrow was Artemis’ primary weapon. She was known for her accurate aim and would strike down anyone who had irked her.
Quiver – Like the bow and arrow, Artemis is often shown reaching for an arrow from her quiver. This is one of her most prevalent symbols and strengthens her associations with archery, hunting and the outdoors.
Deer – The deer is considered sacred to Artemis, and she is often depicted standing with a deer beside her.
Hunting Dog – Again, a symbol of hunting, Artemis would hunt with seven of her hunting dogs at any given time. The dogs signified her love of the hunt.
Moon – Artemis was associated with the moon and her worshippers revered the moon as a symbol of the goddess
Artemis was powerful and is a symbol of a strong woman. She symbolizes:
Chastity and virginity
Independence
Childbirth
Healing
Freedom
There’s no doubt that Artemis was one of the most powerful goddesses of Ancient Greek myth. But her personality often showcased contradictions, making her appear as an unpredictable, often wrathful, figure. For example:
She was the protector of young girls and the patron of women in childbirth but would bring sudden death and disease to girls and women.
The deer is a sacred symbol of Artemis and yet she transformed Actaeon into a stag to be killed by dogs.
She was worshipped for her virginity and known for remaining chaste, and yet it is she who is one of the most famous goddesses associated with childbirth and fertility.
She was fiercely protective of her mother, and together with Apollo, killed the children of Niobe just because she had boasted that she had given birth to more children than Leto.
Artemis is considered compassionate and kind, and yet was often ruthless and exacted revenge for seemingly small slights on her honor.
She had Aura raped by Dionysus for doubting Artemis’ virginity
She killed Chione for boasting that she was prettier than her
Some accounts say she killed Adonis for boasting that he was better at hunting than she was
Festival of Brauron for Artemis
Many events and festivals were held in Artemis’ honor, such as the Festival of Artemis in Brauron. For the festival, girls between five and ten years old would dress in gold and run around pretending to be bears.
It’s believed that this festival came about in response to the legend in which Artemis sent a tamed bear to her temple in Brauron. A girl antagonized the bear by poking it with a stick and it attacked her, prompting one of her brothers to kill it. This enraged Artemis and she retaliated by sending a plague to the town. After consulting with the Oracle, a person thought to have a link to the gods and the ability to foretell the future, they were told that no virgin should marry until she had served Artemis in her temple. Hence, the Festival of Artemis in Brauron was born.
Artemis In Modern Times
The Artemis Program is a project by NASA committed to landing American astronauts, including the first woman and next man, on the moon by 2024. It is named after Artemis in honor of her role in Greek mythology as the goddess of the moon.
Artemis continues to inspire writers, singers and poets. She continues to inspire pop culture. The Artemis archetype, a young withdrawn young girl, facing many challenges and bravely and fiercely rising to face them, is very popular today, giving rise to characters such as Katniss Everdeen of the Hunger Games, who also is seen with a bow and arrow as her symbols. She was also depicted as a character in the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series.
Artemis Goddess Facts
1- Who were Artemis’ parents?
Artemis was the daughter of Zeus and Leto.
2- Did Artemis have any siblings?
As Zeus daughter, Artemis had many half-siblings, but she was closest to her twin brother Apollo, often serving as a guardian to him.
3- Did Artemis ever marry?
No, she remained a virgin for eternity.
4- What were Artemis’ powers?
She had impeccable aim with her bow and arrow, could turn herself and others into animals and was also able to heal and control nature to some extent.
5- Did Artemis ever fall in love?
Despite drawing a lot of attention from other gods as well as mortal men, the only person believed to have truly won Artemis’ heart was her hunting companion Orion. Orion was unfortunately believed to be killed by either Artemis herself or Gaia (goddess of the earth).
6- Why did Artemis kill Adonis?
In a version of the story of Adonis, Adonis boasts that he is a better hunter than Artemis. In revenge, Artemis sends a wild boar (one of her prized animals) which kills him for his hubris.
7- Who created Artemis’ bow?
Artemis’ bow was believed to have been created in the forges of Hephaestus and the Cyclops. In later cultures, her bow became a symbol of the crescent moon.
8- Does Artemis have a temple?
Artemis’ temple at Ephesus in Ionia, Turkey, is known as one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. There she is worshipped primarily as a mother goddess and it is one of the most well-known places of worship to Artemis.
9- How many hunting dogs did Artemis have?
Artemis was given seven female and six male hunting dogs by Pan the nature god. Two were said to have been black and white, three were red, and one with spots.
10- How did Artemis get around?
Artemis had a special chariot, pulled by six golden-horned deer that she captured.
In Conclusion
Artemis continues to be one of the most popular of the pantheon of Greek gods. People continue to take inspiration from the legends of Artemis, intrigued by her contradictions, love of freedom, independence and power.
https://symbolsage.com/hunting-greek-goddess-artemis/
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Wesley Watches And Rates All The Faust Operas
You thought I was kidding, but here we are:
*I am not an expert, and my advice should never be followed. I am but a humble nerd with a passion, dragging you along on my youtube-tour. You probably shouldn’t quote me, but using this as a starting point and guide to this particular musical and literary phenomenon is encouraged! The information below was gleaned largely from wikipedia, vague memories of my BA degree, and my own assessment of the source materials.
My ratings are based on my subjective enjoyment, and a few preferential criterion such as: 1) Was Mephistopheles fuckable, 2) Did I get to see an orgy of witches, 3)Does Marguerite pass the Sexy Lampshade Test, and 4) Was Faust Dragged to Hell.
Preliminary Notes: originally, the legend of Doctor Faust came from the sixteenth century and was inspired by one man (or possibly two who were later conflated), Johann SpidersGeorg Faust, who was your average practitioner of Renaissance Magic. He was not an especially savory individual; he had racked up quite a criminal record and been boastful enough of his “christlike” abilities to heal the sick and perform miracles that he’d seriously annoyed the church. He was denied entry into a city due to accusations of Necromancy and Sodomy. Being an alchemist, Faust got up to some particularly adventurous chemistry experiments, the last of which failed so spectacularly that his lab exploded and the doctor was reduced to his component parts. His remains after death were so gruesome that his colleagues came to the obvious conclusion: He’d been personally dragged to Hell by Satan himself. AND THUS WAS A LEGEND BORN.
The story of Faust was told and disseminated in sixteenth century chapbooks (early printing-press zines, if you will) as a dramatic morality tale. It is from the chapbooks we originally get the character of Mephistopheles, the pact exchanging 24 years of service for the soul, the famulus named Wagner, the wild adventures through various courts, and the conjuration of Helen of Troy. Aside from in the chapbooks, there is one version of Chrisopher Marlowe’s play Doctor Faustus, where the titular character is torn asunder by demons as he is dragged to hell-- but unfortunately for me, a known B-movie horror enthusiast-- this ending appears in no subsequent retellings of the Faust legend. Cowards.
Goethe’s play Faust is obviously the most famous adaptation of the legend, and through it the legend turns from a cautionary tale to a story of hubris, love, faith, and philosophy. If you’re not already familiar with Faust, you might take a moment to read it or at least check out the act summaries. You’ll understand everything that references it a lot better if you do, even if you just read Part I (the second part gets a bit tedious unless you have a fetish for Herodotus and metaphysics-- but there’s a cute homunculus in a bottle! and talking sphinxes and griffons! and kinky rose petals! Angel butts!!!).
Armed with this knowledge, let the opera tour begin:
Faust (1816, Louis Spohr)
--The Libretto with English translation
--Playlist of the whole opera
It’s very pretty! The style and over-all sound reminds me of a Mozart opera, which, I guess, is not too surprising considering they were more or less contemporaries who trained and worked in similar circles. (Louis Spohr! He did collaborations with Beethoven! He invented the violin chinrest! Who knew! Not me! Anyway--) This Faust is not based on either Marlowe or Goethe’s Faust, but rather some miscellaneous adventures from the early Faust legends and chapbook pamphlets. In this version Faust ensnares a devil named Mephistopheles to his service, vowing to use his powers for the good of mankind. Great plan! That always goes well!
There’s a love potion, a flying cape, a duel with an outraged rival-- all the usual necessities for a Faust story, only now there’s not one but TWO young women screwed over by Faust’s philandering! (His first love, Röschen, and erstwhile damsel-in-distress, Kunilingus. ....*checks notes*, sorry, no, “Kunigunde”). Mephistopheles is cattily insightful, the wronged women team up to avenge themselves against their seducer, and yes, yes indeed, Faust Is Dragged To Hell!
The poetry of the libretto is quite pleasing, it’s got some great dialogue and epic fantasy sequences. Mephistopheles puts on show of infernal pyrotechnics with 17th century stage effects, all of them tremendous fire hazards. Someone gets dragged to Hell by a chorus of dancing goblins before Act 1 even finishes-- O my cup runneth over! We get the witches’ sabbath atop Mt Blocksberg, there’s a guest appearance by Sycorax, everyone gets real horny up there with a love potion, it’s great.
Mephistopheles seems to be on the ladies’ side in the story (as much as he’s on any human’s side), in that he cautions them not to trust Faust, and urges them on when they FREAKING TEAM UP AND GO TO SEEK VENGEANCE. Oh my god it’s so great. Kunigunde attacks Faust and Faust freaks out and tells Mephistopheles to save him and Meph is all “what’s that? I don’t know, suddenly I can’t read”. Meph is also the one doing all the actual rescuing of distressed maidens, at Faust’s behest. He views Faust’s attempts to break the laws of Love and Nature with contempt, knowing that Faust’s soul is on the fast track to Hell. There’s no actual pact here; Meph is the one being held hostage. He makes sure that Faust doesn’t enjoy any of the spoils of his sorcery, so Faust’s ennui and dissatisfaction remain the same as before he began his quest to “Use Hell’s Powers For Good”.
And just quick review of the scoreboard: Faust used his powers to do 1 (one) useful thing with his power before he ruined a bunch of people’s lives in quick succession, murdering Kunigunde’s betrothed and driving Rose to suicide. He still cries about it and the “rich seeds of Good he sowed” but Meph is having none of it and HE. DRAGS. THAT. BOY. TO. HELL!!!!!!! EXEUNT.
Rating: 4/5 Stars. Better than expected! I want a revival of this version! With stabbing! And special effects! Mephistopheles is truly doing the Lord’s work here, no offense to his demonship. Lost some points with me for being so very, very heavy on the pining and lovesick maidens, but won me back when the lovesick maidens picked up daggers.
Faust and Marguerite (1855, Lutz) and Faust up to Date (1888, Lutz)
Straight up can’t find this one! But this early silent film short is apparently based on it? IDK folks, if you have a recording of this you’d like to share with me, I’d be delighted to hear it.
As for the burlesque, I suspect it hasn’t actually been performed since 1888. But the music is pretty cute! The Pas de Quatre, aka “Skirt Dance” seems to be the only track that’s stuck around. Here it is played on an old disc music box.
Rating: ???
La damnation de Faust (1846, Berlioz)
--Libretto in French and English
--La Damnation de Faust with Jonas Kaufmann --I like this one because Faust is super duper cute and this Mephistopheles reminds me of an OC makes yellow work.
--This is the first of what I’m called The Big Three Faust Plays; all modeled after Goethe’s Faust specifically, written within roughly ten years of each other, and which feature the most well-known arias that I’m aware of.
This opera positively reeks of Romanticism; it’s got Byron out the ears, it’s wading through Wordsworth, it’s doing the Grand Tour, it’s gazing mournfully from the top of Mont Blanc, contemplating Nature and the Human Spirit. It’s Berlioz, buckle up.
The beginning is obviously Faust wallowing in ennui. He considers suicide, but is interrupted by a timely reminder of Christianity. Suddenly the devil appears in order to take advantage of a soul precariously teetering on the edge between redemption and damnation. In this version, the devil does not announce himself as the devil, but rather as the ~Spirit of Life~, here to show Faust the joys of the world. (There’s no pact at first, Meph is just “get in bitch we’re going debauching” and Faust’s like “aight” and they’re off.) The devil takes Faust on a fun tour of life’s noteworthy attractions such as “Drunk Student Karaoke”, “Dancing Gnomes”, and “A Nice Forest Nap”.
During his magical nap Faust sees a vision of Marguerite (later we learn she has simultaneously dreamed of Faust) and falls in love. He awakes with the usual boner for this Maiden of Radiant and Humble Virtue who Nature Hath Sheltered In Perfect Simplicity, because that’s always a big turn-on. Meph steers the course of their interactions very carefully, using magic and fairies and wisps to enchant the couple’s surroundings to ensure they are surrounded by romantic atmosphere the whole time. Once they’ve gotten into some heavy necking, he bursts in and tells them that the whole town is coming with pitchforks and also someone’s told the girl’s mother and they’re in big trouble. Faust flees.
Everyone does some quality Pining, Faust sings a sad song about Nature, and then Meph shows up again saying “hey I hope this doesn’t put a damper on our vacation, but Marguerite is in prison for murder and she’s going to be executed BUT QUICK, ACT NOW AND WE CAN SAVE HER for just one quick easy payment of your immortal soul” and Faust is just like “WHAT WHERE WHO WHAT UH FINE YES SURE OKAY SHIT, WOW, LET’S GO” and Meph is >:))) and they jump on their horses and ride off to go save her except OOPS, NO THEY DON’T because actually they are RIDING INTO THE WAITING JAWS OF HELL!!!! NYAK NYAK NYAK NYEEEEEHHHHH!!! Faust burns for eternity, Marguerite goes to heaven, curtain.
Rating: 3.5/5 Look, I’m not saying I’m biased, but Mephistopheles doesn’t even show up until half an hour into the opera, okay? I find this one hard to sit through even though the music is really delightful; and I do mean it is gorgeous music. Between the two famous mocking serenades, “Devant la maison” shoots “Vous quid faites l’endormie” right out of the water; all the chorus pieces are fantastic; the Hungarian March is a great instrumental piece; Faust actually has some decent arias for once (rarer in each subsequent opera), and there is Brander’s wonderfully irreverent Rat Song... I think the reason this doesn’t hold my attention as much as other versions is that the plot is very meandering and the characters don’t have concrete motivations; they’re sad teenagers in love, I guess? And the devil tricks them? This whimsical aspect is 1000% part and parcel of the Romantic Aesthetic I realize, but personally I came for a recognizable story and got mostly pastoral vignettes. We spend half the opera listening to Frolicking Peasants and Men At Arms. Mephistopheles just hops out of the woodwork to play a dirty trick on a random guy getting his Byronic Mope on. There’s no pact, no soul-signing until the very end, and it’s just a plain ol’ tricky trap, not a device to punish hubris or moral crimes. I’m even reluctant to give this its rightful Dragged To Hell points because out of all the Faust scenarios, this is the one where he seems to deserve it the least! He doesn’t actually do anything bad! It’s not satisfying if he’s dragged to Hell for no reason! Pfui. However, points gained back for the made-up Satanic babble sung by infernal chorus at the end.
Faust (1859, Gounod)
--Libretto in French and English
--1995 Adaptation with Samuel Ramey as Mephistopheles You already know I’m a slut for Samuel Ramey playing the devil in any capacity so I’ll spare you my gushing play-by-play of his performance. The quality of this video is.... not great. I apologize. I still love it, but you’re going to want to find a clearer recording of the music if you want to get the most out of this opera.
--2011 Adaptation with Paul Gay as Mephistopheles (Warning: this version is quite lurid and includes some staging choices that I find pretty uncomfortable-- I can’t decide if the director is consciously trying to highlight predatory sexism as a bad thing or if it’s just kind of included to make things seem ~spicy~. Anyway, it’s otherwise a high quality production with an interesting set design, just be warned that there’s some on-stage grossness. Also, a hilariously bad decapitated head prop! --to accompany a truly baffling ending. To its credit, the death of Valentin was genuinely pretty moving and made me feel... er, well, anything about the character. Tassis Christoyannis’s made that aria memorable, which is more than I can say of other productions.
Second of the Big Three!
Gounod introduces a more complete cast of characters borrowed from Goethe’s Faust to flesh out the the story and setting; we meet Wagner the student, a regiment of soldiers including Marguerite’s brother, Valentin, and their young friend Siebel (a pants role-- which immediately endears me to this character because I’m a ~big ol’ queer~). Later we meet Marguerite’s nosy old neighbor, Martha, who is REAL thirsty for Mephistopheles and who I relate to very much.
This opera follows Goethe’s Faust- Part I much more closely than its predecessor, and where it does not follow the original, it diverges in favor of making the story more engaging and streamlined. There is WAY LESS pining into the aether, and more sword fights. The larger cast of named characters makes for more interactions, which in turn makes for more memorable moments on stage, better dialogue, a comprehensible timeline of events, and more concrete motivations for everyone.
A SUMMARY: Faust’s pact in this version has nothing to do with the philosophical wager seen in Goethe, but is simply an exchange of his soul for returned youth. He is old, he’s spent his life studying, he wants to be young and full of passion again. He seals the deal after the devil offers him a vision of Marguerite, whose sight is so inspiring and lovely that Faust is overcome with desire for her alone. They go to find her, encountering on the way a regiment of students and soldiers, one of whom is Marguerite’s brother, Valentin, who is going off to war leaving his sister in the care of young Siebel. Getting Marguerite to stop and talk to Faust proves difficult since she is so pure and virtuous that A) Mephistopheles has no power over her, and B) she’s wary of the compliments of strangers. Faust gets Mephistopheles to bring her a case of jewels to warm her up to him, then Mephistopheles concocts a ruse to distract her nosy neighbor Martha and give them an excuse to meet Marguerite (shenanigans ensue). The ploy works, Marguerite is seduced, and in love with Faust. Cut to some time in the future, when Oh No Everything Has Gone Horribly Wrong; Faust has gone away and left Marguerite pregnant and unmarried, she is shunned by society with the exception of Siebel, meanwhile her brother has come home from the war to find her in a disgrace. Faust and Mephistopheles eventually return, but encounter an enraged Valentin who duels Faust to avenge his sister’s honor. Faust, of course, uses Mephistopheles’s magic to cheat, and Valentin is fatally stabbed. With his dying breaths, he curses his sister and blames her for his death, since he died defending her honor-- the people who witness this are rightfully aghast that he’d use his last moments to denounce his own sister-- and rightly so, because that’s a real dick move. Faust flees, and Marguerite is left on her own with no support and a newborn child to care for. She seeks refuge and forgiveness in the church, but finds she cannot pray, haunted by voices and cursed by Mephistopheles himself, as he whispers in her ear, promising damnation. She faints, and is presumably driven mad. Cut to Faust, who is being treated to a front-row seat of Walpurgisnacht. During the revels he sees another vision of Marguerite, this time of her in chains and awaiting execution for the murder of her child. Mephistopheles grudgingly takes Faust to see her in prison, where he tries to rescue her. In her fevered state she will not leave, wanting Faust to instead stay with her in the cell. During the delay, she sees Mephistopheles and finally puts two and two together, knowing a devil when she sees one, and understanding that Faust is not only responsible for her suffering but also in league with infernal powers. She pushes him aside, rejects him, and throws herself instead on the mercy of God, choosing death and redemption over being rescued by the man whose affections ruined her. Mephistopheles ruefully pronounces her condemned, but a voice from Heaven pronounces her Saved. Faust watches in awe as Marguerite’s soul ascends to Heaven, and he is left alone and presumably damned.
Why is this framing of the story significant? Because it’s about her. Faust is only an instrument; his soul is not especially remarkable, he might have been damned without any devil to encourage him.
But Marguerite’s soul was untouchable to Mephistopheles; he puts a vision of her before Faust for a reason. We don’t waste any time bemoaning Faust’s moral downfall; Faust is not the one seeking redemption at the end of the opera. Faust is a means to an end, and that end is leading an otherwise spotless soul into perdition.
This opera has Mephistopheles at his most sinister, his most manipulative; he is the one driving Marguerite deeper into misfortune, who isolates her, mocks her, whispers condemnation into her ear her until she doubts everything. Desperate, without support and seeing no way forward, no future for herself or her child, Marguerite kills her baby, or is led to do so by Mephistopheles. Without a doubt, this has been the devil’s plan all along, and with Marguerite now branded a murderess, he thinks he’s won. But Faust, despite taking no responsibility for his actions, nevertheless feels pity and remorse at her misfortune, and goes to rescue her--and this gives Marguerite the chance to finally see what he is.
She rejects him; she does not choose love, she does not choose to live or be rescued by the forces that ruined her in the first place. She stays, renews her faith, and thwarts Mephistopheles’s best efforts to damn her. This is not about a man's hubris; it is about Marguerite escaping the devil and saving herself on her own terms. That’s why I find this version to be poignant.
Some musical highlights: “Le veau d’or” (the golden calf)-- if not my favorite of Mephistopheles’s ballads then in the top three, particularly because it lends itself to some flamboyant acting; Marguerite’s “Ballade un roi de Thulé” (the king of Thule) is absolutely haunting; and "Seigneur, daignez permettre", aka The Church Scene is fucking incredible-- the juxtaposition of Marguerite’s pleas and the choir’s Dies Irae, the echoing church organs in the background, Damnation seeming to gain a voice of its own to summon her... it’s some real Eyes-of-Notre-Dame Hellfire shit.
Rating: 5/5! A perfect score! Gounod wins the first place ribbon. Though he beats Boito’s “Mefistofele” (up next) on several key points, I want you to know that my personal bias will probably always be in favor of “Mefistofele” on account of being a ho for the titular character. --But Gounod’s is the better opera, fair and square. “Faust” has the most comprehensive storyline, the most memorable arias, and the best (I think) balance of both humor and poignance. I will give this version the benefit of a Dragged to Hell point even though we don’t actually get to see the final deed. The Walpurgisnacht scene does exist as a ballet, so I’ll still give it the points even though it gets cut out of most productions for length (sometimes the ballet is performed as a stand-alone event). Additionally, he scores most favorably on the Marguerite > Sexy Lampshade scale-- this is a story about her more than it’s about Faust or Mephistopheles, and I’m here for that.
Thank you Mr. Gounod, you may retrieve your Incredibly Prestigious Award from my blog after the ceremony.
Mefistofele (1868, Boito)
--Libretto in Italian and English
--HERE IT IS, MY FAVORITE ONE, MY FAVORITE MEPHISTOPHELES, SAMUEL RAMEY, MOSTLY SHIRTLESS, FLIPPING OFF GOD AND LIGHTING A CIGARETTE ON STAGE IN HIS MATCHING CHERRY-RED TAILCOAT AND VIOLIN CASE 1989 (WHICH IS THE YEAR OF MY BIRTH, NO COINCIDENCE, I THINK)
--Oh, fun fact! The opera scene in Batman Begins is the chorus from the witches sabbath. If you thought it sounded familiar, this might be why.
Anyway. This is the third of the Big Three most-referenced Faust operas!
Unlike its predecessors, Mefistofele covers both part I and part II of Goethe’s Faust, starting with the seduction of Marguerite and moving on to serenading Helen of Troy and finally with Faust’s redemption. The first part of the opera is very similar to Gonoud’s Faust, but first there is a Prologue, which is taken pretty much directly from Goethe. And oh my god, is the Prologue hilarious. We encounter Mephistopheles, the titular character, on his way to work-- or more just loitering around in the aether as one does when one is bored and immortal and humanity is going on sinning with or without you, when he stops to greet the Lord God in passing, all satirical charm and sarcasm. God, very graciously, does not ask him whether he has anything better to do, but instead inquires if he knows Faust.
“Oh yeah, that guy. Neck beard, likes science, big fan of yours. Sure I’ve heard of him,” says Meph. “Hey, you seem like a betting man--”
“Um,” says God.
Meph continues; “I bet I can tempt him into sinning and thus damn his immortal soul to Hell!”
God agrees-- because God already knows the future and thinks this will be a fun way to build character.
A choir of angels descends and Mephistopheles gets grossed out, sprays them with insect repellent, and leaves. (I am paraphrasing).
The next few scenes are pretty familiar; Faust laments his ennui, a chorus of peasants and students celebrate a festival, Faust is on the cusp of a revelation that Jesus is neat, but is interrupted by the devil. The devil introduces himself, offers Faust his services on earth if Faust agrees to serve him in Hell after death.
Faust, who seconds ago was ready to devote himself to a life of holiness, sayeth “yolo” and they shake on it, with the condition that Mephistopheles can reveal to him one moment of such surpassing joy and beauty that Faust will wish for it to last forever-- thereupon Faust consents to being dragged immediately to Hell. Because pssh, that’s later and who cares about later?? They hop on Mephistopheles’s magic cape, and fly off to have adventures. CUT TO: Faust seducing Marguerite and Mephistopheles distracting her nosy neighbor Martha. THEY KISS, FAUST LEAVES, HE GOES TO A PARTY ON MT. BROCKEN. HE SEES A VISION: MARGUERITE IN PRISON! QUICK, TO THE RESCUE! BUT NO, SHE REJECTS HIM, HER SOUL IS SAVED, SHE DIES-- Wait, what? I hear you ask-- She just got here, she wasn’t even introduced, now we’re skipping to the end? The answer is: yes. Yes, you’re just supposed to know what’s going on already.
To be fair, Faust operas are the Spiderman remakes of the nineteenth century; there’s a new one coming out every ten years or so, Goethe is required reading, everyone is writing Faust fanfiction-- no one is wondering who the girl is or how they met or is wondering if they’ll kiss or not. Everyone knows the plot already, it’s fine.
BUT THIS ISN’T THE END! No indeed! Now we are on a tour of PART II of Goethe’s Faust! You know, the part you skipped! Don’t worry, Boito isn’t making the entire metaphysical play into an opera, just the juicy bits with Helen of Troy. Marguerite is instantly and completely forgotten-- this is now a Helen/Faust one-shot, which Mephistopheles is forced to watch with annoyance.
CUT TO: Faust’s old laboratory from Act 1, where he is on the brink of death, lost in a reverie of all the good times he’s had. Mephistopheles is hovering over him, tapping his wristwatch and reminding Faust of his past loves and glories, incredulous that Faust hasn’t yet found his One True Moment™.
Faust just sighs and says “gee, I guess the REAL happiness was the good I could have done along the way but absolutely didn’t!” and God busts in through the ceiling with a HALLELUJAH and Mephistopheles is like “oh don’t you dare, don’t you fucking-- THINK OF ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE HAD, ALL THE SEXY LADIES I GOT YOU TO MEET! AFTER ALL I’VE DONE FOR YOU AS YOUR WINGMAN--” and Faust faceplants into the bible and goes straight to Heaven. Meph is left spitting in defiance as he sinks into the earth. THE END.
Why this framing is significant: The way Boito has arranged and cropped the scenes makes this story very much center around Mephistopheles. While Berlioz’s Faust was about the suffering of a young man for love, and Gounod’s was about the victory of Marguerite over Hell, Boito’s opera is about the humorous tragedy of Mephistopheles, whose endeavor was rigged to fail from the onset.
Faust doesn't end up in Hell in Goethe's version, and I accept this because Mephistopheles lost his bet on a technicality: the Moment™ Faust wished to prolong was not provided by Mephistopheles, it was caused by his sincere desire to do a last bit of good in the world, coming to the conclusion (after being made blind by the goddess of Care) that benefiting mankind is what brings one happiness, not knowledge or fleeting pleasures. It wasn’t that he suddenly found Christ or gave himself over to God, as the opera implies, but because he finally realized the worth of striving to do good, and fond a source of platonic love within himself, which makes his soul redeemable despite his pact with the devil. So Goethe gives us a humanist, philosophical explanation for Faust's redemption..... BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY-- he has Mephistopheles lose Faust's immortal soul because he's Too Fucking Horny For An Angel Boy’s Ass. (I know when I’m being pandered to.)
Unfortunately, Boito misses the whole philosophical trajectory of Goethe’s Faust and reduces it to a simple morality-play where a sinner is saved on his deathbed merely by acknowledging the hereafter. He doesn’t suffer blindness, he doesn’t actually DO anything good in his last hour, he just repents and decides Heaven is real after all at the last possible second before kicking the bucket. It would be disappointing, IF that were the point of the story. But that’s not where the drama is!
Like Gounod’s Faust, the focus was never really on the doctor at all; his redemption is not what we paid to see. It’s Mephistopheles’s reaction to losing Faust’s soul that makes the ending interesting, not the fact that Faust gets a free pass to Heaven.
Highlights of this version: It’s fucking hilarious, and Mephistopheles is the star of the entire show. His arias are in turns sinister and sardonic, playful and powerful. The dialogue is taken directly from Goethe’s Faust in most cases (translated into Italian obviously), and hey, the dialogue in Goethe is really funny and good and witty! Hard to go wrong!
“Ave Signor” (Hail, Lord!) is such a terrific opener; there will always be something delightful about the idea of the devil conversationally sassing God and daring to make a bet with the Almighty in the spirit of work-place rivalry. “Son Lo Spirito Che Nega Sempre Tutto” (I Am the Spirit That Denieth All Things) is full of dark bravado and rebellion, whistling defiance at the Lord. It’s a great Villain Song and as someone with sympathy for the devil it is completely my jam. “Ecco Il Mondo” (Behold the World) is both teasing and menacing and the staging lends itself to some glorious melodrama. “Ah! Su! Riddiamo, riddiamo” (Turning, turning) gets a prize for being the best infernal chorus and witches’ sabbath scene out of all of them-- it’s frenzied and spooky and satanic and whirling, everything you could want from an orgy of infernal creatures. Ten out of five stars, would exalt Satan to again.
Rating: 4.5 / 5 stars. Second place prize, and Honorable Mention for being the judge’s favorite. It’s not perfect. The story leaves much to be desired-- let’s face it, Part II of “Faust” isn’t especially... dynamic on its own, and especially when condensed to fit into opera format, the events don’t add up into a satisfying narrative. Boito glosses over some frankly essential elements in the original and just has Faust skip right from his life-ruining adultery to being carried to Heaven on the backs of angels-- just for thinking of all the good he *could* have done if he hadn’t been, you know, a real stinker this whole time. So I’m not giving Boito a pass for omitting Faust’s Hell Dragging. Furthermore, this play is woefully short on Marguerita; she basically just shows up to be seduced and then a second later is Ruined and Saved. Booo.
But hey-- is this play called “Faust”? Is this play called “Faust and Marguerita”? No. This play is called motherfuckin’ “Mefistofele”, because it’s about Mephistopheles. It’s about our suave, under-appreciated servant of Hell working hard for his cut, trying and squeeze just ONE life-altering moment out of this absolute dehydrated turd of a man, and the play is rife with his frustration. He is the one who whistles in defiance of God, and he loses because it is *inevitable* that he loses. God was never going to let him win that bet; Meph was a tool in his ultimate design to shepherd Faust closer to redemption. Mephistopheles is dragged off stage whistling in defiance as a lifetime’s worth of effort is flushed down the drain in a single moment of seemingly undeserved redemption. Not for a *solitary second* did we want this opera to be about Faust. No. This is the devil’s opera, and that’s why it’s so fucking great.
Doktor Faust (1916–25, Busoni)
--Adaptation with Thomas Hampson 2006
--Libretto in German and English
...And now, a German libretto written by an Italian, in contrast with Boito’s Italian libretto translated from German.
God, this is such a modern ass Modern Opera. It does that thing I hate that modern operas do where the composer is like “What? You wanted a ~melody~? What is this, musical theater??” Like obviously they’ve transcended the need for anything so plebeian as a tune I can fucking hum. It’s very Intellectual, very High Art. The plot is full of tortured genius manpain, naval gazing, and I can’t remember a single aria from it. ...Okay, that’s a bit harsh; in the final two scenes Faust gets some lovely melancholy solos that actually stuck out to me. But this is a three hour long opera. So. Maybe skip ahead.
Plot-wise, this is the most existential of the bunch. No Marguerite in this one, just a Duchess with no name. Faust still ruins his lover’s life but in his final act he rejects both God and the Devil and uses his Supreme Human Will to transfer his life-force into his dead child’s body, resurrecting him as a young man with a blossoming frond of some kind. (Symbolism!!!)
--This marks the full 180 turnaround from “Faust is forcibly dragged to hell by Satan himself and his body explodes all over the stage” to “NOT ONLY IS FAUST REDEEMED OF HIS SINS BUT HE TRANSCENDS BOTH HEAVEN AND HELL WITH THE INDOMITABLE FORCE OF HIS HUMAN WILL, GOD IS DEAD, FAUST IS THE ÜBERMENSCH”, and to that I say *ptttttttbbbbbbbb*.
Rating: 1/5 stars. Plot is ponderously philosophical, overweighted with symbolism, and the music, while interesting, is largely forgettable with a few exceptions. Also it is Three Goddamn Hours Long. Points lost for nameless female character who fails the Lampshade Test. Loses further points for a dry and flavorless Mephisopheles, boooo.
The Rake's Progress (1951, Stravinsky)
--1992 production with Jerry Hadley and OH LOOK WHO IT IS IT’S SAMUEL RAMEY AGAIN HUH WELL DON’T MIND IF I DO this production is really, really well acted and funny and the dance portions are especially cool.
--Libretto in English and Italian
Another modern opera, this time by a composer I actually like!
Now, this isn’t technically a Faust opera; its based on a series of delightfully comedic prints by William Hogarth, detailing the decline and fall of a young man who inherits a huge sum of money, spurns his true love, and wastes his inheritance on foolish ventures and hookers, eventually ending up insane in Bedlam (I’m not saying tertiary syphilis, but definitely tertiary syphilis-- Let us take a moment to appreciate both condoms and penicillin.)
In the original paintings there is no deal-making devil, but but luckily he’s been added in by librettist W.H. Auden (who was intermittently friends and lovers with Christopher Isherwood!!!!-- I just wanted to add that because it makes my gay little heart very happy). The names are all vaudevillian puns, such as “Tom Rakewell”, “Anne Trulov”, and “Sellem, the Auctioneer”. Mephistopheles has been exchanged for the slick, modern Nick Shadow.
Highlights of this version: Baba the Turk, the bearded lady that Nick convinces Tom to marry as a demonstration of his free will (???). Listen: I know she’s meant to be comic relief and is an unflattering stereotype, but dang if she didn’t win my heart completely. I like that her marriage with Tom apparently falls apart, not necessarily because she’s a bearded lady, but because she’s just very chatty and overbearing and is much better traveled than Tom, and has had numerous wealthy and important suitors who she won’t shut up about. She’s knows her own worth and conducts herself accordingly, and is very vocal when she knows she’s being treated badly. She’s got Anne’s back when they meet at the auction of all Tom’s property (which she was included in as an object because she was under a spell of silence and immobility-- rude), telling her to watch out for Nick Shadow and generally being very forgiving and understanding about the whole affair; she was hurt that Tom lied about his affections, but she doesn’t blame Anne for it, which is wholesome. Then she announces that she’s going back to her career on the stage because she is BABA and she has had enough of these scrubs. Anyway. I love her. She’s described very beautifully if you happen to like beards, which I do (and so did the author).
“No Word From Tom” reminds me why I love Stravinsky so much (and Dawn Upshaw sings it like a nightingale). “Lanterloo My Lady” is spritely and fun and texturally interesting; besides, “sweet dreams my master, dreams may lie, but dream-- for when you wake you die” is chill-inducing. “How Dark and Dreadful is This Place” plus the whole card game in the cemetery is sad and grim and comical all at the same time; Tom is such a pathetic and naive mess you can’t help but feel sorry for him, even while Nick’s smugness is delicious. Tom’s mad songs are all quite touching and beautiful.
Rating: 4/5 stars. The libretto is really excellent, jazzy, full of great wordplay and aphorisms. Nick is a delightful Mephistopheles; thoroughly modern, witty, sly, arch, fourth-wall breaking. Faust is not dragged to hell, but he is condemned to insanity. Loses points for a female lead whose entire purpose in life is to babysit this asshole through his poor life decisions. Also, while certainly more memorable and melodic than Busoni’s Faust, it still has that sort of shouty modern opera sound that I find a little challenging to listen to; but that said, the music fits the plot, and the plot is fun and absorbing, so while there may be fewer individual arias I’m likely to put on my jogging playlist, it’s engaging to watch as a production from start to finish.
--Okay! That’s it! I know, I know, this isn’t actually a review of every Faust opera to date, but I have to get back to my life, and you already know my feelings on modern and contemporary opera. Thank you for bearing with me for this entire novel-length post that literally no one asked for!! You’re a the real hero here! I love you almost as much as I love Samuel Ramey in tights. *stage kiss* Yours in Service Here but in Mine Below, ~Wesley
#Faust Tag#Wesley's Opera Hour#Faust#Mephistopheles#lifeblogging#long post#Phew! This took a million years to write but it's done and I'm happy!
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Problematic Disclaimers
I am incredibly biased towards David Fincher’s work, and that in itself comes with a few other more specific disclaimers we’ll get into later on in this review.
This is a largely historical piece, taking place during the 1970s-80s. If you’re looking for groundbreaking representation for POC/LGBT+/female characters, you may be disappointed.
This show famously deals with the analyses of behavioral science, specifically in dealing with serial killers. This kind of subject matter can be tricky: it’s one thing to be intellectually fascinated by the psychological aspects of these cases, and another thing entirely to sympathize or rationalize these murderers. Mindhunter, of course, makes this type of tightrope act the centerpiece of their story. However, real life serial killers are depicted and dramatized in the show. This could ultimately play into the kind of dangerous romanticizations the show attempts to subvert.
I encourage audiences who correctly assess the character of Holden (Jonathon Groff) as a pretentious shithead to watch till the end.
You could probably make the argument that this series is riddled with ableism. Given, again, the historical background of these analyses, however, mental illness is not something assumed to be well understood in this context. But how we should approach mental illness in storytelling such as this is not my area of expertise, and I am open to anyone bridging that gap for me if I’m being too tone deaf in that respect.
Trigger Warnings
The only instance of gore that you see actually happen in real time is in the first scene of the first episode.
This show is about researching serial killers. There is blunt and often irreverent discussion about murder, gore, torture, masturbation, incest, pedophilia, and sexual violence.
Even protagonists who are regarded as the “good guys” in this show are expected to put on a front in order to coax information out of their serial killer interviewees. Lewd, inappropriate, and disrespectful language is used in these contexts.
Some nudity and sex scenes.
Drawings and photography of violent images from serial killers’ case files are shown.
Final Verdict: I loved this show.
As to be expected with a story of this subject matter, there’s a lot of ground to cover with disclaimers and triggers. This is exactly the kind of taboo audiences love to indulge in at a distance, telling each other that it’s the psychology of examining a serial murderer that makes these sorts of films and shows so exciting. But these dark and horrendous accounts, interesting as they may be to so many viewers, have to come with a certain amount of responsibility.
This is something I realized with a cold flush while in vacation in Los Angeles, perusing the Museum of Death. I examined a series of figurines modeled after a number of real life serial killers such as Charles Manson and John Wayne Gacy. I tried to imagine what kind of mindset drives a person to buy these kinds of collectibles, much less manufacture them for purchase.
Putting such a far distance from these murderers and placing our attractions in the same realm as a hobby takes away from the true horror of what these criminals have done. There’s a line between wanting to learn more and becoming part of a subculture that turns monsters into celebrities.
Luckily for us, that is exactly what Mindhunter addresses.
The story begins with bright-eyed bushy-tailed young FBI agent, Holden Ford. Ford, initially specializing in hostage negotiation, is discouraged by a recent failed case. Behavioral science calls to him, and in pursuing this trade he joins forces with FBI agent Bill Tench (Holt McCallany) and psychologist Wendy Carr (Anna Torv). Together they pioneer a new wave of behavioral science methods in order to better understand the way these murderers think, and, ideally, find them before they can take any more victims.
As I said before, engrossment in this field of study is, as I have come to recognize it, not uncommon. The rise of a show like Criminal Minds, a prime time television series dedicated to the analysis and capture of fictional serial killers, is a strong indication of this. Most of us would find it difficult to wrap our heads around the idea of somebody with such perverse and twisted desires to be as mundane as you or me. We form this distance maybe to avoid the other side of this obsession that the living can afford: that it could have been us. Because it is far easier to gawk at a monstrous form of evil, than to imagine ourselves as their victim.
Mindhunter attacks this line of thinking at its origins and its source. Based on a book by the same name that details the true events of real FBI investigations, the show uses fictional stand-ins to perhaps convey more dramatic representation of these ideas. But I haven’t read the book, so this is just speculation.
I mentioned in the disclaimers that our supposed hero of this tale, Holden Ford, explicitly presents himself as an utter jackass. Nothing drives the point home harder than Ford’s development which sees his confident rise and his perplexing downfall. Like many rookies in your stereotypical crime story, Ford wants results. He wants to make a difference, and he wants to see the fruits of his efforts now. He thinks that by acting on instinct and asserting himself, he can change everything around him to his favor. This kind of brazen naivety is nothing new and also not inherently wrong. It’s Ford’s intentions, however, that complicate things.
“Why are you here, Holden?” “I don’t know.”
What starts out as a justified practice meant to stop serial killers in their tracks becomes a battle of the minds where Holden Ford manages to put himself on top time and time again. And yet, even after outmaneuvering and coercing valuable information out of several different murderers, Ford’s life crumbles around him. His long-term girlfriend leaves him, he is formally reprimanded by his superiors for his actions, he confronts the consequences to his impulsiveness, and a tell-tale press release puts an almost complete halt to his investigations.
The first season ends as Holden Ford hits rock bottom. We realize, seeing him fall this far from grace, that by jumping through all these intellectual hoops in order to get the information he so desperately craves, Ford has played right into the hands of some of the most notorious serial killers in history. He’s in too deep. In his hubris, he placed himself so far above these murderers in his own mind because he believes what he is doing is for the sake of justice, that he actually sunk down to their level.
It probably isn’t too difficult to see this progression throughout the first season. We, as the audience, start out rooting for Ford. Yes! We should study these serial killers and put clearer terms to their behavior in order to catch these criminals early on in the game. Horrid as their crimes are, they are actual human beings and as such we need to understand what went wrong as well as when and where. And then Ford’s behavior becomes deplorable, cringey both in and out of interviews. The show poses the question: is it worth it to stoop so low so as to gather this information?
And in reverberating response, the show also answers in the same breath: no.
In some instances, we are drawn to resent characters like Tench and Carr when their bureaucracy stands in the way of Ford’s justice. But, ultimately, Ford becomes unhinged as he learns that by trying to locomotive his way into success, he has shrunk that distance I had previously stressed and learns he has never been fully in control.
The moral comes effortlessly enough. And while he isn’t the sole director or writer for Mindhunter, we see this kind of thing a lot in David Fincher’s work: well-intentioned men being crushed by a weight they did not take the time to fully grasp in scope, all under the guise of something thrilling and grisly. Fincher’s most famous work, Fight Club, is perhaps one of the most widely misinterpreted pieces of film in cinematic history thanks to every knee-jerk reaction-having male who came out of those theaters wanting to start their own fight club or project mayhem. Fincher himself has advised his own daughter from associating with young men who romanticize the movie. Fincher takes on these topics all the time. I’m having trouble finding the interview that cites this, and I’ll update this post if I find it, but there has been a point in his career where Fincher has been accused of producing torture porn. But this brings me to the meat of what I love about this series.
Mindhunter is told masterfully. The most disturbing and action-packed part of the show is at the very beginning of the first episode when Holden Ford is trying to talk down a man at the forefront of a hostage situation. But, even then, the way the situation is presented is crude and somewhat sad - you immediately understand there is an inherent problem with how criminals with complex mental faculties are treated and handled from this opening scene. After that? The most unnerving images are shown in photographs and drawings, but never played out for the audience. In fact, when was the last time you saw Fincher play out half the gore he alludes to in his films aside from Fight Club? And thus we can be certain this show was not made for the serial killers, but for us. This is a cautionary tale. There’s no reason to show the whole terrible ordeal - just the effects.
At no point did I feel this series was dragging on either. You forget that what you’re watching is mostly comprised of dialogue. There’s no compulsion to show exploitive material. The characters and their responses compel the story forward. You don’t need a SWAT team to break down an unsub’s door and catch the perpetrator mid-dynamic-action. You’re already amongst some of the most ruthless real-life villains in our country’s history. Anything more than that would be jarring. This is not a show for the serial killers. This is a show for how we react to such a tragic brand of evil, or how we should react. It needs to be said because it’s important that we tell the difference.
In the disclaimers, I also mentioned there being little to no ample representation for POC/LGBT+/female characters. While I don’t necessarily retract that statement, I do need to point out that we are given two supporting female characters in the series who play a significant role in both the story and Holden Ford’s life. The first we see is Debbie (Hannah Gross), Ford’s long term girlfriend. Debbie is a smart, independent woman who is able to banter intellectually with Ford and initially finds his thirst for knowledge to be charming. Gross does a wonderful job with this character, but I felt she wasn’t fully done the justice she deserved, especially when she abruptly displayed disloyalty that was never actually addressed in one of the episodes. Had it not been for this scene, it wouldn’t be as obvious that she was probably just a placeholder made to show all the aspects in which Ford’s life was falling apart.
More prominent than Debbie is Wendy Carr, a well-established psychologist as well as a lesbian. Carr is perhaps the better-written of the two female figures, being decisively driven by her own moral compass and toting the kind of calculating patience that Ford could have afforded to learn from. Torv plays the kind of character we never question, that we trust, that we know is making the most diplomatic calls possible. And even here, I am left wanting more out of her story, out of where she found herself towards the end of the first season other than just a ghost of Ford’s consequences.
Maybe it is for personal reasons that I felt the need to praise this show for distinguishing the difference between feeding a killer’s ego and not losing sight of what is truly important under these investigations. Maybe I am just a fanatic for whatever Fincher touches. And to be sure, it certainly does have his trademark cinematic touch - from seamless and compelling editing to the intense portraits of its characters. But, in any case, this show far exceeded my expectations in its mindful storytelling and is an important piece in a society obsessed with the grotesque.
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A Mysterious Job Called Oda Nobunaga, Vol. 2
By Kisetsu Morita and Kaito Shibano. Released in Japan as “Oda Nobunaga to Iu Nazo no Shokugyou ga Mahou Kenshi Yori Cheat Datta Node, Oukoku o Tsukuru Koto ni Shimashita” by GA Novels. Released in North America by Yen On. Translated by Alex Wetnight.
I feel like this review should be very short. It should essentially be “everything I said last time, but EVEN MANLIER”. I’ve said this about a few light novels in the past, but the Job Called Oda Nobunaga series really does feel like it’s written for a very specific type of fan. They hang out on internet forums, wondering why the male leads in these books are all such weak-ass wimps. They read harem manga and ask themselves why he doesn’t just bang everyone. They want a hero who kicks ass, takes names, makes love… I have very good news for them. Aside from cutting away before actual sex scenes, this book is basically exactly what they’ve been yearning for all this time. Alsrod, over the course of the 6-7 years or so this book takes place in, ends up as Regent to the King that he’s basically helped install, while finding time for some more wives and lovers.
Last time I mentioned that Alsrod had finally met someone who also had a famous Japanese warrior as their profession, and wondered if they might actually force him to fail or do badly at something. I feel embarrassed for even mentioning it, because by Page 7 or so he’s already won her to his side and bedded her. Over the course of the book he also takes as a lover his werewolf spy, weds the King’s younger sister (who, thankfully, has to wait for the loving – apparently 15 is old enough but 13 is not), is enchanted by a dragonewt tea merchant who he also beds and proposes to (she says no), and towards the end we get a meek and self-deprecating young woman, the daughter of another of his vassals, who simply wants to be a good mother to strong children. Given all these women (remember, he still has his childhood friend, the strong-willed daughter of another Lord, and another concubine from a northern area), it’s a wonder he finds the time to keep conquering. However, no fear, there’s plenty of that as well.
Again, this falls into the “this sounds absolutely vile but is strangely readable” category. It helps that most of the women he ends up with are also in major positions of power – indeed, his childhood friend and the Akechi Mitsuhide general both don’t want to be an official wife because they want to fight at his side. Oda Nobunaga is there as well, of course, in the back of Alsrod’s head, but he is getting strangely less and less relevant, and as the book goes on his advice is getting heeded less and less. Possibly the most interesting part of this book is that we meet three more “occupations” along the same lines – Kunitomo Shuu, Sen no Rikyuu, and Takeda Shingen – and it seems that this land is essentially an afterlife for these famous folks. As for the battles… well, they’re OK. They’re sword fights. You know how it goes.
The end of the book has another rival appear, Takeda Shingen, but given Alsrod has already captured the girl with that “job” by the end of this book, I suspect she will simply be added to the pile of wives. That said, I’m not entirely certain this book will end with Alsrod triumphant. It continues to mirror somewhat events in Nobunaga’s life… which did not have him winning the day in the end. The third book is the final one – will it actually kill Alsrod off to teach readers a lesson about hubris? Or will he stand victorious with his many, many women at his wide? If this were a long-runner I’d be dropping it, but three volumes seems just about right.
By: Sean Gaffney
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Don’t mind this part. I’m basically re-writing a webpage to my understanding
Gilgamesh was, at one point, a very selfish and cocky king. When his beloved friend, Enkidu dies, he realized how there is no room in life to be so cocky and selfish. He basically get’s his shit together and becomes a becomes a wise and admired ruler.
Becoming that admirable king was a very rocky path. This egomaniacal, rash, and rather thoughtless king endured “every hardship” only to emerge a wise and excellent king.
This man was such a horrible bully in his youth. I guess that’s what happens when your mother is a goddess and your dad was a king. Along with that, Gil was the handsomest, strongest, and most powerful man in the world. And was 2/3rds god. His parents probably doted on him and let him do whatever he wanted.
So what exactly does this little egotistic guy do? Well, for one: Just for his sexual satisfaction, he forcibly takes the “daughter of the warrior” and the “bride of the young man”. Basically, he isn’t just simply picking on the servant class or something—he treats warriors, nobles, and servants as people who are all below him equally. He sees himself as a higher class of his own.
Not only that, he also forces all the young men to do some useless activity just for his pleasure and entertainment. Although the tablet that foretold this was broken in this part, but it is concluded that it wasn’t anything that would contribute to the safety, security, or fame of Uruk, since peopled claimed that Gil is “arrogantly” forcing the activity upon them day and night.
The people of Uruk believe Gil needed an opponent of sorts to basically give him a serious beating, and put Gilgamesh in his place. That’s where Enkidu comes along.
When Enkidu shows up, despite having a fight, he and Gil soon become inseparable, (and to quote the very page I got this info from) “ exchanging heart necklaces and running up their immortal parents' phone bill. Nothing like someone who is just about your equal to help you check yourself. “
Actually I may just quote the next 3 paragraphs because they’re hilarious
“ And yet, in what seems like no time, Gilgamesh suggests that he and Enkidu go to the distant Cedar Forest and do battle with the monster Humbaba. Does this mean that Gilgamesh still feels like he's missing something, even with his new friend? Or does he simply think a quest will provide him with lots of quality time with his new best bud? The poem doesn't tell us. “
“ His mother blames all this seeking glory on Gilgamesh having "a restless heart" inflicted upon him by the gods (3.46). Of course, Gilgamesh has his own interpretation of why they must brave danger to go on their quest. It's all about death. The way he sees it, we all die anyway, so you might as well live fast, die young, and be crazy famous: "Should I fall, I will have established my fame" (2.236). “
“Of course, this is all a lot of hubris —y'know, chutzpah, audacity, nerve, pretentiousness—on his part. He says that we'll all die, but he doesn't realize what that actually means until after Enkidu does die. Remember: Gilgamesh was in utter denial about Enkidu's death, even keeping Enkidu's body around "until a maggot fell out of his nose" (10.136).”
“ We think Gilgamesh here is like the leather-jacket-wearing "bad boy" who races his motorcycle in the rain after he's been drinking whiskey all night: he may say he isn't afraid, but anyone with any sense would be afraid for him. “
“ How do we know he's immature? He recklessly abuses his power over his people; he rashly leads his friend Enkidu into the Cedar Forest to do battle with Humbaba despite the fact that Enkidu and all the elders of Uruk think this is a very bad idea; he smugly tells the goddess Ishtar that he isn't interested in a love connection. In short, there seems to be no consideration for the possible consequences of any of his actions—and we're back to that "bad boy" on the motorcycle. “
So basically, Gil ignores the warnings and goes into the forest with Enkidu where his beloved friend meets his fate. This causes Gil to relapse into the person he was before. To simplify more:
Everyone: Gil you shouldn’t do that.
Gil: How bout I do anyway?
Welcome to Grown-Up Life
“Some young daredevils end up in an early grave. Some manage to somehow cheat death and in their adulthood wonder "what the heck was I thinking? I could've killed myself!" And, then, there are some who find themselves face-to-face with something utterly terrifying—it is a condition known as "scared straight." (Even if it might not actually work.) And, that is the camp that our boy Gilgamesh is in.”
“He does whatever he wants, throwing all caution to the wind until the piper comes looking for his payment in the form of Enkidu's life. When Gilgamesh realizes that Enkidu is really dead, he tells Urshanabi: "I was terrified by his appearance, I began to fear death" (10.137-138). That is the moment that starts to set Gilgamesh on a good path.”
In other words when Gil realizes that Enkidu is dead, he began to fear death, and that’s what scared him enough to scare him straight.
Well....Start was the key word here lol
“At the beginning of his journey, he continues to act like his jerky pre-Enkidu self. When he shows up at Siduri's tavern looking like a hot mess, she bolts the door, fearing for her life. His reaction is to beat on the door and say, "If you don't let me in I'll break your door, and smash the lock" (10.22).”
Gil: Little pig, little pig, let me in.
JFC Gil a simple "Excuse me, do you happen to know where I might find Utanapishtim?" would have done just fine...
Basically this dickbutt did more dumbstuff and when they come back to Uruk he gets his shit together and that is when child becomes man.
#♕ ᵀʷᵒ⁻ᵗʰᶤʳᵈˢ ᵒᶠ ʰᶤᵐ ᶤˢ ᵍᵒᵈ˒ ᵒᶰᵉ⁻ᵗʰᶤʳᵈ ᵒᶠ ʰᶤᵐ ᶤˢ ʰᵘᵐᵃᶰˑ ♕ ↬〔VISAGE.〕#♕ ᴴᵉ ʷᵃˡᵏˢ ᵃʳᵒᵘᶰᵈ ᶤᶰ ᵗʰᵉ ᵉᶰᶜˡᵒˢᵘʳᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵁʳᵘᵏ˒ ˡᶤᵏᵉ ᵃ ʷᶤˡᵈ ᵇᵘˡˡ ʰᵉ ᵐᵃᵏᵉˢ ʰᶤᵐˢᵉˡᶠ ᵐᶤᵍʰᵗʸ˒ ʰᵉᵃᵈ ʳᵃᶤˢᵉᵈ ♕ ↬〔ISMS.〕#♕ ᴼᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ᶠᵘʳ ᶜᵒᵃᵗˢ ♕ ↬〔OOC.〕
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“No, you just remind me of someone.” “Aaah, I’m sorry. Were they–” “Evil. Yes.”
“Hm. An Englishman returning from Scotland with a fear of bagpipes and sheep. I’m sure we can all relate!”
“… Was it hard to come by?” “No, I just popped down Superdrug. Yes it was hard to come by.”
“So it’s down to us. You and me. The dynamic duo.”
“I believe you’ve recently lost Melanie.“ “… We saved Melanie.”
“Nikola said you were funny. Didn’t believe it.”
“Jon, you stupid idiot! What did you think?!”
“Elias was, perhaps unsurprisingly, unwilling to help.”
“And as far as the coffin goes, there’s not much I can do about a bull-headed Archivist who seems hellbent on self-destruction. My powers only extend so far.”
“Then, your detective friend went on one of Elias’s wild-goose chases, then Jon wilfully hurled himself into the coffin. I did not intervene, because thankfully, I did not agree to protect your friends from their own idiocy.”
“He’s not a moron.“ “… If you say so!”
“Regardless, he’s in there three days, and then what do you know! He manages to pull himself out of the coffin, like a grubby Jesus. And he even brings a Penitent Thief along, in the form of your pet murderer! Does this seem about right to you so far?” “… Yeah.”
“We have bigger concerns than this little soap opera you call an Archive.”
“W–will she want to join us?“ “If she doesn’t, I’ll rip her throat out.” “Uh…“ “It’s a joke, Jon.” “… oh. Hahah…! Yes… Uh, I–I’ll get my coat.”
“Daisy’s got me listening to The Archers.”
“Great. Great, great. So, what you’re actually saying is that you’re gonna be… no help whatsoever!” “Just like old times~”
“I’m curious to see what it was she did to derail this big ritual – because I’m sure she didn’t pay poor Jack Barnabas to fall in love with Agnes…! … Well. Ninety percent sure.”
“… Did he look like he hadn’t slept in like–” “Mm–mm.” “–a week?“ “Yep, uh…“ “… Right…”
“So, what, this was another waste of time? What, no Church, no Dark Sun? … I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch…!”
“Thinking about it, the amount of pain, and loss, and legitimate devastation I’ve caused amongst your little cult over the last, what, forty years…? I think The Desolation is probably very fond of me.” “That’s blasphemy, that is.“ “Is it? Or maybe you just picked a bad god.”
“I’m sure this is just the normal number of webs that grow up organically…!”
“So, where are all the spiders?“ “Ah– I mean, they, they hide. You know, it’s a thing they do, spiders – they hide.”
“Well… We’re here now. Might as well push on.” “… Famous last words.”
“… Here we go… Good evening, Detecti– [PUNCH] OW!”
“… No. I–it–it’s fine. I–I’m, I’m sorry.” “Oh yeah? For which part?” “[HIGH-PITCHED] … All of it…?”
“Goodness! The things they could learn here…! Turn your hair white, eh? Best to keep them out, I say!”
“Wait, “Simon Fairchild” as in…” “As in “all those people who said I did horrible things to them and their loved ones”? Yes. They have been in, haven’t they? I’d hate to think I’m underrepresented in here, not when Peter tells me that that… “bone” fellow has at least half a dozen.”
“[CONSPIRATORIALLY] I’m pretty sure he was home-schooled, you know!”
SIMON: Peter said you’d have a lot of questions about that one. MARTIN: I do. [PAUSE] How are new powers born? SIMON: Hm… don’t know! MARTIN: How soon could it attempt its ritual? SIMON: No clue! MARTIN: How do we stop it? SIMON: Can’t help you! MARTIN: [THROUGH GRITTED TEETH] Could you, at least, try? SIMON: [FRANTIC] … No–no–no–no, you’re right, of course!
“Because it… wasn’t a very good idea…? The Fear wasn’t out there, not like I hoped it was. It all sort of… fizzled. Also, a Hunter broke in and destroyed the mechanism, sent me and all my sacrifices plummeting to the bottom of the ocean.”
“Alright. Let’s… try one of those analogies Peter finds so annoying.”
“Oh! Nothing, just my own hubris. I should have known. When I came here, I said to myself: “Simon,” I said, “you’re going to answer this young man’s questions, but you’re not going to give The Watcher a statement. You’re better than that.” But it’s a hard one to resist, isn’t it?”
“If we’re about done–” “We’re not. Sit back down.” “Boooold~ I like it.”
“I’d say “anytime”, but honestly, if you see me again… I may just throw you off something for a joke.”
“How do you feel about… rollercoasters?”
“But it– … What if it kills you?” “Always said I was dedicated to justice…!”
“You got old.” “Better than being dead.”
“[SIGH] [SOFTLY BUT WITH FEELING] … Fuck.”
“What, [CHUCKLING] you gotta gouge your eyes out or something? [SILENCE] … Fuck off?!”
“So, I guess we’ll want to look out for a pair of homeless serial killers now…! I’ll add it to the list.”
“I’ve left a proper resignation letter, on Lukas’s desk. It was quite satisfying to write, actually. Almost made me wish it was Elias! He would have hated me not serving out my two weeks-notice, huh!”
“We’ll… miss you.” “Wish I could say the same…!”
“You know… I’ve been wondering about your batteries. Like, could I just take the batteries out each time one of you appears and just… have an infinite supply of batteries? I mean, I, I won’t, don’t worry.”
“Peter, we have talked about this!” “In my defence, it is still quite funny.”
“No, I insist! Watch.” [SILENCE] “Very impressive.” “I’m reading. Shush.”
A Brief Moment of Humor Going into MAG 160
Since TMA's season is rounding out and everyone is rightfully freaking out, I just wanted to make a post of the best lines/*few* good things that happened:
'Don't open the coffin.' 'Well, it is addressed to me.'
Daisy came back! MAG 158 DNI
Those sounds of Elias in chains
MARTIN! SAID! FUCK!
Melanie got some therapy!
Melanie! got! out!
Georgie/Melanie confirmed!
"He played you like a cheap whistle."
Jon vibe checked Peter Lukas! #BabysFirstMurder
'What's the blood?' 'That's Leitner too!'
Simon Fairchild. Just. Everything about him.
'And then... *whoosh*.' 'Sorry, what's *whoosh*?'
Jonny saying that he loves that everyone just decided that Peter and Elias have been married and divorced like 10 times.
'I can show you how to use it-' 'No, no, can't stand computers.'
::Archivist voice:: "Baaa."
[WET, MEATY LAUGHTER]
In Fanon world we got Archive Dog (@units214 you absolute icon)!
@hartrofucker gave us the magnusgenerator!
'Do you know what my least favorite part of a case was?' 'The police brutality lawsuits?'
'Maybe when I get kidnapped three times I'll come to you.'
We tended at #1 three(?) Times!
'Oooooh I'm so lonely! And a monster!'
Feel free to add on!
#i'm cheating with simon but. but.#the magnus archives#tma season 4#tma spoilers#long post/#???? mag160 in less than 48h??? what the heck what the actual hack
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His Eyes. Chapter 7.
Chapter 7: Belle contacts Mr. Griphus.
Summary: Belle is tormented by what can only be described as nightmares. Not only that she has a stalker, one she is convinced is not human… not after seeing his eyes.
Note: Mr. Griphus is an original character of mine. I just needed someone who could be a credible threat to Gold and all the villains of Ouat I have found less than impressive... Except for Rumple himself of course. But don’t worry, Mr. Griphus is going to be a minor character and he is not going to ever try to split Gold and Belle up. I really hope you will enjoy him and I would love to hear your thoughts.
Belle was sitting in the furthest booth in Granny’s diner, sipping on her iced tea, finding that she did not even have the appetite even for the famous pancakes.
In her hand lay the golden square that Archie had given her. She considered what she should do. It was not like she could simply go home… not yet.
She wondered if he would still be there when she got home… she had told him to leave but… there wasn’t really anything that she could do.
What could she do? Get a gun?
No… she would never do that… and she did not even know how to use a gun… and if she even was able to hurt him, the small creatures would surely attack her…
He hadn’t hurt her.
She remembered how exhausted he was as he slept beside her… the scars on his scaly back which she had run her fingers over.
He had attempted to be friendly, make her tea… he just hadn’t answered her questions…
But… then there was the fact that she was now growing scales… and he had been breaking into her home.
Belle sighed.
She did not know what was going on… she needed answers.
Again her blue eyes fell upon that golden square, running her thumb over the strange symbols.
Perhaps… perhaps this creature known as Mr. Griphus would give her the answers she needed. She remembered Archie’s warning well… but…
Could Mr. Griphus really be as dangerous as her fumbling around without any knowledge of what she was dealing with? In some sense he had offered his help… perhaps… perhaps she should just hearing him out.
She took Archie’s warning seriously though…
Remembering his curious advice she stood up and ordered a big warm cup of warm chocolate. It was not usual for her to order, but… well it was not too strange for anyone to take notice as she wandered over to her booth again sitting down.
Looking at the golden square once again before she blew through the golden square, creating a soft note… not loud enough to draw anyone’s attention. In fact she hardly believed that it would be able to be heard to the next booth.
It was… an truly otherworldly sound… one that should not be able to exist. As soft and low as it was it seemed almost as if it could shatter through the air. Slowly she put it down, wondering just what would happen, glancing towards the door, wondering what would come through.
She then thought how silly it was… even if this creature was somehow able to hear that low sound he surely could not come so quickly. Turning towards her iced tea she almost let out a loud scream as she was no longer alone in her booth.
On the other side… the one facing the back of the diner sat a man… though calling him a man…
Even sitting she could tell that he was impossibly tall, even as he was hunched over the table. He had a long aquiline nose, pale as death and his eyes sunken deep into his skull and sharp hollow looking cheeks.
His half long black hair was slicked back and his eyes were so dark they were black and his irises were unnaturally large.
Clothed in a black cloak and wearing a silvery puff tie with a black pearl tie needle, Belle stared in stunned silence as the creature before her wrapped his long skeletal fingers wrap around the warm cup and brought it to his thin lips, sipping elegantly before he gently put the cup down again. He considered her for a while before he moved his head slowly to continue to look at her.
“I was wondering when you would contact me,” he said, his voice having a soft low tone… sounding like the impossible sound that the golden square had made.
“Mr… Mr. Griphus?” Belle stuttered, wondering just what she had summoned. He grinned, his teeth almost too large for his jaw.
“Yes… that is my name,” he nodded slowly. A silence fell between them as Mr. Griphus lifted his cup and started to drink his chocolate, Belle simply staring at him trying to be able to speak again.
“Um… Archie… gave me this… because… well… because I have learned that this world is not exactly what I thought it was… and that I have… caught the interest of something that I don’t really understand,” she tried to not seem as nervous as she clearly was before this being. At her nervous rambling the being grinned again as he continued to hold his cup.
“That is an understatement, if I have ever heard one,” he shrugged his shoulders softly.
“I was told… I was told you could help,” Belle was struggling to keep her voice from shivering. He lifted his eyebrow slightly.
“Hmm… yes… that is true… but… it all depends on how you want me to help,” Mr. Griphus said continuing to look at her.
“Um… what… what do you mean?” Belle asked nervously, twinning her fingers in her long brown hair in an attempt to alleviate the nervousness.
“Well… I could make certain he does not bother you again… and you will be able to go back to your normal human life… but if you tell me to do that… his blood will be on your hands… their blood would be on your hands. You will not be able to push these actions onto me. You will never be able to wash their blood off your hands… but… you will be free. The scales might even fade in time,” Mr. Griphus spoke… his voice even and calm, but his black eyes were piercing hers letting her be in no doubt what would happen if she ordered him to do this.
Belle let out a loud gasp. Gold… the little ones… the one with the wounded eye… would he really?
She shook her head quickly, tears showing in her eyes.
“No! I don’t want that! Please… please do not hurt them,” she pleaded with him, her blue eyes pleading towards him.
He sat there… silent and motionless before he nodded.
“No… I did not expect you to,” he lifted his cup of chocolate and drank it down softly. She blinked stunned. Before she could ask anything, he lifted his head and met her eyes again.
“Listen to me. I do not do favors… I do not make deals. But… your case have… interested me. Especially since you have drawn the attention of these little…” he paused for a moment.
“Imps…” the word fell out from her lips, not understanding just what she was doing, blinking softly. “Um… I call them imps…”
“Imps… curious…” he spoke softly as he shrugged his shoulders. “But strangely fitting.”
Belle nodded before he once again lifted his chocolate and drank it down softly, clearly pleased.
“Imps… as you have named them… are curious creatures. Quite unique indeed,” He murmured with a slight smile.
“Um… yes… do you… do you know anything about them?” she did not quite know what she should think about this odd being. He was no doubt very dangerous and certainly not one you wanted to cross… if you wanted to remain alive that was.
“This and that. The alpha of their group is immensely dangerous. You see… your imps, they share a hivemind of sorts… the Other Mind… a bit hard to explain but it is their deity, home and one of the most powerful entities that I know of. However when one of its members become too feral… it is cast out of the Other Mind… banished to a planet with those that chose to follow it. Most would instantly perish… they can so rarely function without direct contact or guidance of their hivemind. It leaves them near mad and desperate. So you can imagine what mind this one must have to not only survive on another planet, take care of so many of its kin and thrive. It takes a certain cunning and fortitude rare to find,” Mr. Griphus mused softly as he thought for a while.
“So Gold is…” she stated, looking at the being across the table cocking his head in a rather avian way.
“Um… the big human-like one…” she attempted to explain. Mr. Griphus simply let out a low chuckle, shaking his head.
“No… that one is not the alpha. He is a young one, born on this earth… but I know little of him. He is not really my interest,” he murmured softly.
“So… so Gold is not the one in charge?” Belle asked.
“No… why would an species so advanced such advanced as imps would follow something… human-like? He has a high rank among them… but due to his connection with their leader. He is also quite cunning himself, having an understanding of your species makes him quite capable. He is able to trick humans far easier than even his leader,” he explained, though now more interested in his chocolate drink.
“I did not… I did not really think about that…” Belle said stunned. She just assumed that he was their leader… but apparently this was a mistake. The information that he was able to trick humans she knew well however. How he had made himself look human.
“Well… that is something that amuse me about humans… your hubris. The thought that you are important. It is just… amusing,” the creature before her grinned, unnerving her greatly. All she could do is to sit and nod.
The being named Mr. Griphus then put his empty cup down, wiping his lips slightly with his long fingers and leaned back considering her for a while.
“I still want to help you… but I do not believe that I have the answers that you search… but I know of a man who does,” he picked up one of the napkins and pulled out a fountain pen of his cloak and wrote down something upon it and folded it before he slid it over the table towards her. “And… thank you for the chocolate… as you understand it is a bit hard for me to order it myself. And keep the square… who knows… we might meet again.”
Curiously she looked down and took it in her hand, feeling her fingers across it, looking up towards him again… but he was gone… just as quickly as he had arrived. She looked around, but there was no trace of this being. With shivering hands the young woman then opened the napkin.
Upon it was only written a name. The name of one that apparently had the answers that she wanted.
��Neal Cassidy.”
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Villain Archetype: Supernatural Horror
"Dracula is no MORTAL man -- no -- he is more -- MUCH MORE -- for NONE may touch the Lord of Darkness less HE so COMMANDS -- none, that is, who wishes to LIVE! Now, you wanton IMBECILES, now you shall see the FULL POWER OF DRACULA, LORD OF THE UNDEAD!" The evil counterpart to the Occult Hero, the Supernatural Horror is a vampire, werewolf, zombie, ghost, or other “classic” monster. EXAMPLES: Selene, Deacon Frost (Marvel); Dracula (many versions!) RELATED ARCHETYPES: Warlock, Heir to Lovecraft, Devil, Supremacist ABILITIES: Pop horror has presented us with many different versions of the vampire, the werewolf, and their ilk. As a GM, your job is to decide which of these versions is "correct" in your Icons game. Are vampires burned by the sun, or just powerless? Can they transform into animals? Are they repelled by garlic and crosses? Do they appear in mirrors and on camera? Perhaps these creatures come in multiple -- or even infinite – varieties. This is especially likely if you expect monster hunting to be a major element in your game. You will want to present your players with unpredictable foes, and that means raiding the folklore and occult traditions of world cultures, rather than Hollywood. Regardless, some level of superhuman strength, speed, and stamina is likely for all but ghosts, who can fly and pass through walls instead. The Horror may be walking dead, granting it Immunities, and it may be Immortal or Invulnerable to all but specific materials or tactics. He may have the Occult specialty, especially if his Intellect is only average. If the Horror can cast spells and work magic, like many boss vampires or mummies, he's also a Warlock. See that archetype for advice on villains with the Magic power. QUALITIES: The Supernatural Horror may have begun as an ordinary man, but he made a deal with the devil which has made him into a monster. He might have been cursed as punishment for a heinous crime, usually murder, or made into a monster by an older and even more powerful Supernatural Horror. Ghosts are unable to pass on from the world, and often seek revenge or are controlled by a master who carries some talismanic object that belonged to the spirit in life. Alternately, the Horror serves mindless squid in the depth of space, and is an Heir to Lovecraft. You will need to decide if the Horror's condition can spread, how this is accomplished, and how it is cured. Such transformations are probably too extreme to be covered by the simple use of a super power. Instead, this is a plot element that is governed by the needs of the story. Player Characters are extremely resilient to this transformation, even if there's no logical reason why they should be; a hero can be turned into a vampire or a zombie and still be cured even when no one else survives the process. You can temporarily transform a PC into a Horror using Determination; just be sure to have a short list of changes to the character sheet handy, so the player knows what her new powers and qualities are. The Supernatural Horror is a good archetype for many demon villains, but if the demon has authority in Hell, does not generally reside on Earth, and has vast (perhaps even seemingly omnipotent) power, he's really the Devil. A Horror, even a demon, is more likely to reside permanently on Earth, have an independent agenda, and be battled physically rather than spiritually. Famous Horrors are pursued by one or more monster hunters who are knowledgeable in his powers, wield specialized gear to nullify his advantages and slay him, and who invariably include one jive-talking blaxploitation hero. These monster hunters may be player characters brought out for a change of pace, but they can also appear in the middle of the session as a third party whom the heroes first battle and then team up with. Occasionally a Supernatural Horror is actually a former hero from another reality, the World Where We All Became Zombies (or Vampires). He has received the curse and has all his original abilities plus the unique traits of the Horror. This makes him an Evil Twin. STORIES: Horrors are called such because they make horror stories; the specific form of the story depends on the symbol which the horror represents. Entire books (very good ones!) have been written about horror gaming across genre; here it is perhaps enough to note that super heroics are, by their nature, very difficult to make scary. The protagonists of horror stories are, by and large, powerless. If they had power, they would not be afraid. By extension, that means that superhero horror has to either create antagonists so eye-poppingly powerful that the heroes are dwarfed by them (Cosmic Menace, Devil) or else take away the powers of the player characters, thus making them vulnerable. Taking away a hero's powers is usually one of the fastest routes to player anger in a superhero game; however, if everyone understands that we're telling a horror story, such moves can be made more palatable. One effective tactic is to introduce the Supernatural Horror in a "prequel" scene or session. During this session, the players do not play their usual characters. Instead, they play ordinary people who are in the Horror's way. If the Horror is rampaging through a museum at midnight, the PCs are museum staff, a young couple who hid in the museum for a tryst, and the foreign diplomat who is secretly trying to steal artifacts from the museum so he can take them back to his country, from which they were dug up and appropriated by colonial powers. Over the course of the session, the Horror kills one PC and then another, giving hints of its nature at each scene. At the end of the session, the heroes arrive, reconstructing the sequence of events out of the carnage. Session two begins with tracking down the fleeing Horror, still at large. Supernatural Horrors often seek to spread their own kind; zombies do this out of mindless reflex, but vampires do it because they are convinced of their own superiority over ordinary human beings, who exist only to be slaughtered or used as food. This makes them Supremacists. Other Horrors are actually tragically misunderstood Occult Heroes; the monster hunters are the true villains, relentlessly stalking the Horror, blaming him for the casualties they leave in their wake, and insisting that redemption is impossible. Buffy the Vampire Slayer established the basic structure of a Supernatural Horror episode: the Horror kills an innocent victim, the heroes deduce the creature's nature, find its weakness by consulting a traditional or online library, and then force a confrontation in which the plan is about to fail before it suddenly succeeds. Because Horrors tend to have these weaknesses, they are sometimes found at the center of an elaborate plot to remove or circumvent that weakness. Perhaps a vampire wants to "put out the sun" or cover the world in unending clouds. He may just have a scheme to make himself immune to the sun's rays. Sometimes the Horror isn't actually Supernatural at all; instead, he is a vampire or zombie with a scientific origin, or a "ghost" which is actually a living man trapped between dimensions. These Techno-Horrors are an attempt to demythologize occult creatures, and are especially useful in settings where magic does not actually work (even if people think it does). If the Techno-Horror was an ordinary person before being infected with some kind of freakish virus, his story warns against medical experimentation and scientific hubris. But if he is not human at all, and is instead some kind of alien, he is the hidden menace, the mysterious predator which looks like us but harbors a dangerous secret -- like the serial killer who lives next door.
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40 of the Best Villains in Literature
Villains are the best. We may not love them in our lives, but they’re often the best part of our literature—on account of their clear power, their refusal of social norms, and most importantly, their ability to make stories happen. After all, if everyone was always nice and good and honest all the time, literature probably wouldn’t even exist.
To that end, below are a few of my favorites from the wide world of literary villainy. But what exactly does “best” mean when it comes to bad guys (and gals)? Well, it might mean any number of things here: most actually terrifying, or most compelling, or most well-written, or most secretly beloved by readers who know they are supposed to be rooting for the white hats but just can’t help it. It simply depends on the villain. Think of these as noteworthy villains, if it clarifies things.
This is not an exhaustive list, of course, and you are more than invited to nominate your own favorite evildoers in the comments section. By the way, for those of you who think that great books can be spoiled—some of them might be below. After all, the most villainous often take quite a few pages to fully reveal themselves.
Mitsuko, Quicksand, Junichiro Tanizaki
The brilliance of Mitsuko (and the brilliance of this novel) is such that, even by the end, you’re not sure how much to despise her. She is such an expert manipulator, such a re-threader of the truth, that she is able to seduce everyone in her path (read: not only Sonoko but Sonoko’s husband) and get them to like it. Including the reader, of course. In the end, Sonoko is still so devoted to her that the grand tragedy of her life is the fact that Mitsu did not allow her to die alongside her.
Mr. Hyde, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Robert Louis Stevenson
Because the very worst villain is . . . get this . . . actually inside you. Also, you just fell asleep one time and when you woke up it was your evil id and not you? We’ve heard that one before. (So has Buffy.)
Infertility, The Children of Men, P. D. James
Sure, Xan is also a villain in this novel. But the real, big-picture villain, the thing that causes everything to dissolve, and people to start christening their kittens and pushing them around in prams, has to be the global disease that left all the men on earth infertile.
The shark, Jaws, Peter Benchley
A villain so villainous that (with the help of Steven Spielberg) it spawned a wave of shark paranoia among beach-goers. In fact, Benchley, who also wrote the screenplay for the film, was so horrified at the cultural response to his work that he became a shark conservationist later in life.
The kid, The Giving Tree, Shel Silverstein
Take, take, take. This kid is the actual worst.
Professor Moriarty, “The Final Problem,” Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
A criminal mastermind— “the Napoleon of Crime,” as Holmes puts it—and the only person to ever give the good consulting detective any real trouble (other than himself). Though after countless adaptations, we now think of Moriarty as Holmes’s main enemy, Doyle really only invented him as a means to kill his hero, and he isn’t otherwise prominent in the series. Moriarty has become bigger than Moriarty.
Mrs. Danvers, Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
The housekeeper so devoted to her dead ex-mistress that she’s determined to keep her memory alive—by goading her boss’s new wife to jump out of the window to her death. That’s one way to do it, I suppose.
Vanity, The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde
You could argue that it’s Harry who corrupts Dorian, and James who stalks and tries to murder him, but the real source of all this young hedonist’s problems is his own self-obsession. Sometimes I like to think about what this novel would be like if someone wrote it today, with Dorian as a social media star. . .
Uriah Heep, David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
Few villains are quite so aggressively ugly as Uriah Heep (even the name! Dickens did not go in much for subtlety). When we first meet him, he is described as a “cadaverous” man, “who had hardly any eyebrows, and no eyelashes, and eyes of a red-brown, so unsheltered and unshaded, that I remember wondering how he went to sleep. He was high-shouldered and bony; dressed in decent black, with a white wisp of a neckcloth; buttoned up to the throat; and had a long, lank, skeleton hand.” Some Dickens scholars apparently think that Heep was based on Hans Christian Andersen, in which case, mega burn—unless Andersen was into heavy metal.
The Grand Witch, The Witches, Roald Dahl
As “the most evil woman in creation,” she is on a mission to torture and kill as many children as possible, and often uses murder as a focusing device in meetings. She’s also kind of brilliant—I mean, murdering children by turning them into animals their parents want to exterminate? I have to say, that’s smart.
Cathy Ames, East of Eden, John Steinbeck
Cathy Ames is cold as ice—a sociopath who had to learn as a child how to mimic feelings to get by—but soon also learns how easy it is to manipulate, destroy lives, and murder people to amuse herself. Apparently all this is available to her because of her remarkable beauty. In the end, she has a single feeling of remorse and promptly kills herself.
Mr. Rochester, Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë
That’s right, I said it. Mired in self-pity! Sullen and annoying! Dresses up as a gypsy to mess with Jane’s mind! Keeps his first wife locked in the attic! Thinks he can marry a nice girl like Jane anyway! Gaslights her constantly! Whatever.
Zenia, The Robber Bride, Margaret Atwood
In Atwood’s retelling of the Grimm fairy tale “The Robber Bridegroom,” an evil temptress named Zenia steals the partners of three women (among many, one presumes). Roz, Charis, and Tony, however, use their mutual hurt and hatred to form a friendship—and unpack the many lies and revisions of herself Zenia has offered to each of them. But I can’t really put it better than Lorrie Moore did in a 1993 review of the novel:
Oddly, for all her inscrutable evil, Zenia is what drives this book: she is impossibly, fantastically bad. She is pure theater, pure plot. She is Richard III with breast implants. She is Iago in a miniskirt. She manipulates and exploits all the vanities and childhood scars of her friends (wounds left by neglectful mothers, an abusive uncle, absent dads); she grabs at intimacies and worms her way into their comfortable lives, then starts swinging a pickax. She mobilizes all the wily and beguiling art of seduction and ingratiation, which she has been able to use on men, and she directs it at women as well. She is an autoimmune disorder. She is viral, self-mutating, opportunistic (the narrative discusses her in conjunction with AIDS, salmonella and warts). She is a “man-eater” run amok. Roz thinks: “Women don’t want all the men eaten up by man-eaters; they want a few left over so they can eat some themselves.”
Becky Sharp, Vanity Fair, William Makepeace Thackeray
A cynical, manipulative, intelligent beauty with many artistic talents and a premium can-do attitude at her disposal. You’ve never met a more dedicated hustler. By the end, the novel seems to judge her pretty harshly—but I’ve always loved her.
Henry, The Secret History, Donna Tartt
Oh, Henry—brooding, brilliant, bone-tired Henry. Some in the Lit Hub office argued that it was Julian who was the real villain in Donna Tartt’s classic novel of murder and declension, but I give Henry more credit than that. His villainy is in his carefulness, his coldness, his self-preservation at all costs. He is terrifying because we all know him—or someone who could oh-so-easily slide into his long overcoat, one winter’s night.
Hubris, almost all of literature but let’s go with Jurassic Park, Michael Crichton
Isn’t it awesome? We can just make dinosaurs! There is no foreseeable problem with this. We can totally handle it.
Arturo, Geek Love, Katherine Dunn
Here’s another novel with multiple candidates for Supreme Villain—should it be the Binewski parents, who purposefully poison themselves and their children in order to populate their freak show? Or should it be Mary Lick, a sort of modern millionaire version of Snow White’s Evil Queen, who pays pretty women to disfigure themselves? I think we have to go with Arturo the Aqua Boy, the beflippered narcissist who grows into a cult leader, encouraging his followers to slowly pare away their body parts in a search for “purity.” (But for the record, it’s all of the above.)
Dr. Frankenstein, Frankenstein, Mary Shelley
It’s true that the monster is the murderer in Shelley’s classic novel—and also, you know, a monster—but it’s Dr. Frankenstein who decided he had to play God and build a creature in his own image without thought to the possible ramifications! Shelley treats him as a tragic figure, but that only makes him a much more interesting villain.
Hannibal Lecter, Red Dragon, The Silence of the Lambs, etc., Thomas Harris
Made iconic by Anthony Hopkins, of course, but made brilliant and terrifying—a serial killing psychiatrist cannibal, come on—by Thomas Harris. “They don’t have a name for what he is.” Also, he has six fingers—though they’re on his left hand, so it couldn’t have been him who killed Mr. Montoya. Still, it puts him in rare company.
Captain Ahab, Moby-Dick, Herman Melville
Did you think the villain was the whale? The villain is not the whale—it’s the megalomaniac at the helm.
Lady Macbeth, Macbeth, William Shakespeare
The villainess of choice for every man who has ever claimed his wife made him do it. But I’ve always found Lady Macbeth more interesting than Macbeth himself—she’s the brains behind the operation, not to mention the ambition. Her sleepwalking scene is one of the best and most famous of all of Shakespeare’s plays. Even this makes me shiver:
Out, damned spot! out, I say!—One: two: why, then, ’tis time to do’t.—Hell is murky!—Fie, my lord, fie! a soldier, and afeard? What need we fear who knows it, when none can call our power to account?—Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him.
Sand, The Woman in the Dunes, Kobo Abe
It may be the devious villagers who trick the poor etymologist into the sand pit, but it is the sand itself that is the main antagonist in this slim and wonderful novel. The sand that keeps coming, and must be shoveled back. The sand that constantly threatens to swallow everything: first the man, then the woman, then the village—though one assumes the villagers would replace him before that happened. Sand.
Suburban Ennui, Revolutionary Road, Richard Yates
In everyone’s favorite horror novel about America in the ’50s, onetime bohemians Frank and April Wheeler move to the ‘burbs, and find it. . . extremely stifling. But it’s not the suburbs exactly but the Wheelers’ inability to understand one another, their fear, their creeping, cumulative despair, that are the forces of destruction here.
“The book was widely read as an antisuburban novel, and that disappointed me,” Yates said in a 1972 interview.
The Wheelers may have thought the suburbs were to blame for all their problems, but I meant it to be implicit in the text that that was their delusion, their problem, not mine. . . I meant it more as an indictment of American life in the 1950s. Because during the fifties there was a general lust for conformity all over this country, by no means only in the suburbs—a kind of blind, desperate clinging to safety and security at any price, as exemplified politically in the Eisenhower administration and the Joe McCarthy witch-hunts. Anyway, a great many Americans were deeply disturbed by all that—felt it to be an outright betrayal of our best and bravest revolutionary spirit—and that was the spirit I tried to embody in the character of April Wheeler. I meant the title to suggest that the revolutionary road of 1776 had come to something very much like a dead end in the fifties.
David Melrose, Never Mind, Edward St. Aubyn
Fathers don’t get much worse than David Melrose: cruel, brutal, and snobbish, a man who enjoyed humiliating his wife, who raped his young son, and who seemed to doom all those close to him to a life of pain. You could also argue that the British Aristocracy is the villain in the Patrick Melrose books, but . . . David is definitely worse (if slightly less all-encompassing).
Tom Ripley, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Patricia Highsmith
Here’s a villain you can’t help but root for—I mean, sort of. You feel his pain as he tries to insinuate himself into the life of the man he so admires (and perhaps loves), and as he is first welcomed and then pushed away. Less so when he murders his beloved and assumes his identity—but somehow, as you read, you find yourself holding your breath around every corner, hoping he will escape yet again.
Rufus Weylin, Kindred, Octavia Butler
As slaveowners go, Rufus isn’t the worst (his father might rank) but he isn’t the best, either. He’s selfish and ignorant, and (like most men of the time) a brutal racist and misogynist, who doesn’t mind raping women as long as they act like they like it. Actually, the fact that he thinks he’s better than his father actually makes him worse. That said, the real antagonist in this novel might actually be the unknown and unexplained force that keeps transporting Dana from her good life in 1976 California to a Maryland slave plantation in 1815. What’s that about?
Nurse Ratched, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, Ken Kesey
Big Nurse rules the patients of the asylum ward with an iron fist. She is addicted to order and power, and can be quite cruel in commanding it. In comes McMurphy, our hero, who wants to undercut her. He does undercut her, in fact, a number of times—but when he goes too far, she has him lobotomized. The end! I know Ratched is meant to be evil, and it’s supposed to be depressing that she wins, but I can’t help but sort of like the fact that after a man chokes her half to death and rips off her shirt in an attempt to humiliate her (because no one with breasts can have power, you see!), she simply has him put down.
The Prison-industrial complex, The Mars Room, Rachel Kushner
Who is really the villain in Rachel Kushner’s most recent novel? It can’t be Romy; serving a life sentence for killing a man who was stalking her. It can’t be the man himself, who didn’t quite understand what he was doing. It can’t be any of the prisoners, nor any of the guards in particular. Nor is this a book with no villain, because the pulsing sense of injustice is too great. It is the whole thing, every aspect, of the American prison system—meant to catch you and bleed you and keep you and bring you back—that is the true villain in this novel (and often, in real life).
Big Brother, 1984, George Orwell
Of course it’s O’Brien who does most of the dirty work—but it’s Big Brother (be he actual person or nebulous invented concept) that really, um, oversees the evil here.
Patrick Bateman, American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis
He’s a shallow, narcissistic, greedy investment banker, and also a racist, a misogynist, an anti-Semite and a homophobe, and also a sadist and a murderer and a cannibal and Huey Lewis devotee. He’s also weirdly pathetic. Can’t really get any worse than that as a person—but as a character, he’s endlessly entertaining.
The General, The Autumn of the Patriarch, Gabriel García Márquez
It’s José Ignacio Saenz de la Barra who is the most bloodthirsty, but the unnamed General (of the Universe) who is the most compelling villain in this novel: an impossibly long-lived tyrant who has borderline-magical control over the populace, and even the landscape, whose roses open early because, tired of darkness, he has declared the time changed; who sells away the sea to the Americans. He is desperately unhappy; he considers himself a god. Luckily, we get to spend almost the entire novel within his twisting brain.
Humbert Humbert, Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov
The genius of old Hum is how compelling he is—that is, despite the horrible thing he spends the entire novel doing (kidnapping a young girl whose mother he has murdered, driving her around the country and coaxing her into sexual acts, self-flagellating and self-congratulating in equal measure), you are charmed by him, half-convinced, even, by his grand old speeches about Eros and the power of language. In the end, of course, no amount of fancy prose style is enough to make you forget that he’s a murderer and worse, but for this reader, it’s pure pleasure getting there.
Ridgeway, The Underground Railroad, Colson Whitehead
The slave-hunting Ridgeway, Whitehead writes, “was six and a half feet tall, with the square face and thick neck of a hammer. He maintained a serene comportment at all times but generated a threatening atmosphere, like a thunderhead that seems far away but then is suddenly overhead with a loud violence.” He’s a little more interesting and intelligent than a simple brute—in part due to that sidekick of his—which only makes him more frightening as a character. Tom Hardy is a shoo-in for the adaptation.
Annie Wilkes, Misery, Stephen King
Listen: Annie Wilkes is a fan. She’s a big fan. She loves Paul Sheldon’s novels about Misery Chastain, and she is devastated to discover—after rescuing Sheldon from a car wreck—that he has killed off her beloved character. Things do not then go well for Paul, because as it turns out, Annie is already a seasoned serial killer who is very handy (read: murderous) with household objects.
The Republic of Gilead, The Handmaid’s Tale, Margaret Atwood
The government that has taken control of America in the world of Atwood’s classic dystopia is a fundamentalist theocracy whose leaders have eliminated the boundary between church and state—and worse, have twisted religious principles and political power in an attempt to utterly subjugate all women, erasing their identities and allowing them to exist only so far as they may be of use to the state. It is super fucked up and exactly what I worry about in a country where fundamentalists have any among of political power.
The Earth, The Broken Earth series, N. K. Jemisin
It’s pretty hard to fight back when the thing you’re fighting is the earth itself, which punishes those who walk upon it with extreme, years-long “seasons” of dramatic and deadly climate change. Ah, Evil Earth!
Iago, Othello, William Shakespeare
The worst villain is the one who knows you best—the one you might even love. The scariest motive is the lack of one—what Coleridge called Iago’s “motiveless malignity.” The most interesting villain is the one who has even more lines than the titular hero. He is a fantastic villain, a dangerous trickster, whose character has stumped (and intrigued) critics for centuries.
Judge Holden, Blood Meridian, Cormac McCarthy
Possibly the most terrifying character in modern literature (or any literature?), Glanton’s deputy is over six feet tall and completely hairless. More importantly, despite the fact that he might be a genius, he inflicts senseless and remorseless violence wherever he goes. The man murders (and, it is suggested, rapes) children and throws puppies to their doom. He might actually be the devil—or simply evil itself. He never sleeps, the judge. He is dancing, dancing. He says that he will never die.
Slavery, Beloved, Toni Morrison
This entire novel is based on a single idea: that a loving mother might murder her baby daughter to save her from life as a slave. Sure, the slavers are bad (and the schoolteacher is particularly chilling). Sure, you could make an argument that the vengeful spirit Beloved’s presence is destructive, splintering further an already fractured family. But these are only symptoms, in this the Great American Novel, of the Great American Sin.
Satan, The Divine Comedy, Dante Alighieri
Good read found on the Lithub
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