#because my mom always says that 'white racism is a thing' because she doesn't believe that

[purplelea]

You reblogged a post explaining how the "misandry doesn't exist" posts are a covert reframing of discussions regarding discrimination about trans men in queer communities to instead center women, and then minutes later reblogged one of those same "misandry doesn't exist" posts the previous was discussing. I'm very confused. Are they not two conflicting sides of the argument?

Okay so take all of this with like a big spoon of salt or two because I'm tired and sick (yay COVID) so my brain may not be fully functioning. If you clearly think that I'm wrong in all this please explain, I don't want to hurt anyone by reblogging stuff I misunderstood.

To me the second post was fully acknowledging the struggles men may face, and not just saying that men were wrongfully complaining about misandry. I found it interesting precisely because women weren't put at the center of the discussion here and instead men's struggles were recognised.

You're right though that this second post didn't mention trans men and that it should have made me more cautious. I'd like to believe people can't always address every aspect of an issue in one single Tumblr post though :(

[trippingontheescalator]

Curious about the direction the HP fandom has gone

Okay, so as an old HP fan from way back when the books were first coming out, and then getting hit with the nostalgia and decided to return after years and years of not interacting with the fandom at all, the changes are truly mindboggling and I'd love to get to the bottom of some things.

Like, the disappearance of Blaise Zabini. Blaise was a fan favorite way back when we only knew his name but now I barely hear a whisper of his name. Now, the obvious answer is racism, which I think is the #1 reason why Blaise-pairings have dropped of significantly. Back then we all thought Blaise was a hot Italian girl, and then we found out he's a black man and suddenly people stop writing about him? Hm, yeah, seems the obvious answer (especially considering the popularity of other characters who are just a name on a page *cough*regulusblack*cough*).

Or the rise in Snape-hate. Like, Snape used to be the fan favorite. Everyone loved Snape. The meaner he was, the more we liked him. Being mean to children was a plus, not a negative lol. And this was back when we all thought he was a pureblood who came from a wealthy family like the Malfoys. Now by the time the 7th book came out I had pretty much moved on and so I didn't really see the fallout of readers discovering his actual background, so I don't know if his drop in popularity is classism and learning that he isn't a palette-swapped Lucius Malfoy or not, but honestly I would figure his impoverished background would be a plus in these times. Like Snape is obviously one of JKR's least favorite characters, and considering how she-who-must-not-be-named has destroyed her reputation with her increasing radicalization you'd figure the poor, abused, author-hating character would become more beloved instead of the rich, white, heteronormative bullies who barely even show up in the books. Like with our increasing knowledge of social injustice, I just don't understand why the fandom would want to latch onto the Marauders? And I just can't believe Snape's handful of snippets with Lily is the cause of his downfall (like what's there is barely enough to fill up a few pages, and there are certainly more toxic relationships in the series that are still beloved), or the fact that he was a Death Eater or that he inadvertently caused the deaths of the Potters (we already knew that in GoF and HPB respectively and he was still beloved, and this was when we assumed he didn't give a shit about the Potters or if they died when he went snitching). Draco is still popular. DRACO who doesn't give two shits about slinging around the word "mudblood," as opposed to Snape who actually changed for the better.

Am I just too old to understand? Is this like 90s fashion coming back in style (no, I won't do it again, I don't care if it's cringy I'm sticking with my millennial styles, I did the platforms and the slip dresses and the cargo pants in high school and I'm not putting myself through that again lol you gen z's can pry my comfortable mom jeans from my cold, dead fingers, I don't care if it makes me look old, that's the point, I AM old). Like, in addition to 90s fashion, has the 90s obsession with luxury athletic fashion like Lacoste come back in style? All those fashion ads of rich white people on yachts with popped collar polos? Are people starting to obsess over the Marauders because nouveau riche conspicuous consumption is coming back in style? It can't all just be young kids who have only read AtYD and have never actually opened one of the books, can it?

There also seems to be a trend of treating characters as if they're real people. I mean, we've always done it (Snape Wives, I'm looking at you), but now it almost feels as if the crimes characters commit are treated as if they're real crimes and that liking them is somehow a moral failing on the reader's fault. If you were to say "I don't like Snape, his douchy actions anger me, I'd rather skip all the parts he shows up in" I'd say, cool, I get that. That's normal. But "Snape is an abuser, a racist, and an incel and if you like him you're probably those things too" is fucking weird. Like, Harry and Hermione are not real children. Snape is not a real person. The things that happen in this book have as much influence on the real world as me imagining ninjas breaking into my workplace on a slow day. And that "media does not exist in a vacuum" pisses me off because it's blatantly misused. The pieces of media that have had serious consequences? Jaws, The Birth of a Nation. One resulted in the culling of sharks, the other helped restart the KKK. Do you know what those two pieces of media have in common? They're not about fucking wizards and magic schools. They instead paint a target on real groups. After twenty years nobody has ever tried to hurt a marginalized group of people because of a harry potter book (except for JKR herself).

Anyway, these are just some random thoughts, feel free to chime in with your own.

[imqueerandadeer]

Not so small rant about assimilation

Okay quick disclaimer, all if not most of this rant will be about MY experiences as a white passing asian person (with some commentary from my non mixed friend), and remember my experiences don't speak for the whole asian american community (although I will admit there are some similarities between what I have experienced and what other people like me have experienced) because asian people are not a monolith!! This rant is also mainly centered around being asian american and being forced to assmilate but I think most of it applies to other cases of assimilation.

Okay with that out of the way lets start with some context about myself and my life.

Hi, I'm Oliver or Cupid and I'm half thai but white passing. My mom immigrated here with her parents in the 1970's when she was around three. My mom grew up in the valley (or the San Fernando valley) in the 80's and 90's when asian hate and racism was a lot more prevalent than it is now. She was one of the only asian kids at her Christan school. I remember her telling me there was this boy who made fun of her for having an accent when she didn't have one (my mom is fluent in both English and Thai) the same guy (I think) also made a racist comment about two Chinese pandas and connected it to my mom somehow idk she told me this a while ago.

My mom only spoke thai at home with her parents and because she was the oldest child and she was fluent in both Thai and English she had to translate everything for her parents. She only knows thai because she had to speak it at home and because she doesn't use it anywhere else, she married my dad (a white guy) and had me (I am only fluent in english) she didn't see the use in teaching me thai. She also barely knows anything about thai culture because her parents just refused to tell her because they wanted to assimilate and be "real americans."

This stops me from knowing anything about my culture or language, I had to google thai mythology. I had to google my own cultures mythology. Thats just depressing. This also just makes me feel more isolated from my own community than I already am because I'm white passing.

From a very young age I've always sensed that I don't fit in with other asian kids or fit in at all with other asian people and the community as a whole. It feels like I'm not asian enough to call myself asian american, theres always an asterisk of hey I'm also white passing so I'm not really aisan. Which mind you isn’t true but doesn't stop me from feeling like that in general.

It's so hard trying to keep your culture alive when you know nothing about it, I want to talk about being thai, I want to talk about my mythology, and I want to know more than 4 words in thai. All thats keeping me from that is assimilation and a false promise of "if you try hard of enough to fit in you will," the american dream was never a thing and it actively hurts people like me. people who want to know about their culture but can't because is stuck under years of oppression and trauma that our grandparents and parents just won't work through.

And now over to my friend @pansgoobernonsense for it's comments on just asian hate as a whole and some of its experiences with how normalized it is:

"So this one time my mom was at the DMV I believe and some lady yelled at her to go back to China since her English was bad and that encouraged her to learn more English, but her English still isn’t that good (it’s understandable but not grammatically correct sometimes) and she used to get bullied for it and was self conscious

my dad was raised in Hong Kong when it was a British colony and when he went to America for boarding school a kid physically attacked him, called him a slur, and tried to hit him over the head with a snowboard because he was Asian

I was raised in a very sheltered Chinese environment (bilingual school and all that jazz), but as a kid I always wanted to be that white it girl, to the point where I would lie and say I was bipoc 💀 lowkey funny asf

I’ve also been called slurs before and have been told by my parents to avoid talking about being Chinese so I wouldn’t get hate crimed when I went to middle school (public middle school) thankfully that didn’t happen but someone said konichiwa to me once so… erm"

Wow this was longer than expected mb sorry if this made zero sense/jumps around a lot I tried to make it coherent as possible (and have the spelling and grammar correct) but it's 1 am for me and I'm already shit at articulating my thoughts and sleep depravation does not help

[silly-username-here]

Rant (if you don't want to read please scroll to the bottom)

This is my two cents on the live action snow white movie as a theater kid, cosplayer, Disney princess lover, and snow white doppelganger.

1-Snow white. Now before you come after me for talking about the actress this is NOT because she isn't white, she is a beautiful actress and imo her not being white doesn't matter, racism is not tolerated on my blog. The only thing I have "against" her is the snippet of her singing that we've gotten. Her voice is beautiful, but not right for snow white. In the snippet of her singing "whistle while you work" It feels too heavy for the character. In my opinion someone with a more operatic voice would've fit the role more. There are other Disney princess roles that would suit her voice better, but snow white needs someone with a softer voice.

2 (part A)- The dress. The dress sucks, you can't change my mind. It's so ugly. The yellow color they made her skirt looks so tacky and bright, same with the blue. The material they made her skirt out of looks so costumy and it's way too puffy. the bodice isn't super bad, but, the waistline is weird and the lace up thing that's going on in the front feels out of place. Her sleeves are cool I guess? There are many examples of Disney butchering the dress in live action adaptations (ex. Beauty and the beast), but they also have some good examples where they do the dress justice (ex. Cinderella), it's always kinda a hit or miss with Disney. I've done theater for years, and I've been in two productions of beauty and the beast the musical (one with a local theater and one with my hs theater), both times with belles dress they have knocked it out of the park, I'm not being biased they have made some horrid costumes believe me, but, both times I saw belles yellow dress for the first time it was so amazing and beautiful. Cosplayers are another good example of making Disney princess dresses look good. one of my cosplay mutuals made an Ariel dress, yes it was teal (but that's a discussion for another post), but it felt so real. It didn't look costumy at all, and the material looked so nice and everything looked like it's belonged. If theater departments and cosplayers with a limited budget can make Disney dresses better than DISNEY then that shows how much effort they really put into their movies. Also what's with the necklace? I know it's probably gonna be incorporated into the story like "her mom gave it to her before she died" or something because Disney loves to do that but it just looks like they started recording and she forgot to take her necklace off.(If you want to hear more I recommend lovebunnycos's videos, you can find them on tiktok and Instagram)

2 (part B)- the hair and makeup. I have been told countless times that I look like snow white (not really right now because my hair is purple and in a pixie cut) especially when my hair is in a bob, Im very pale,I have a round face, and I always dye my hair black, so I unintentionally look like her (on the dl she's one of my least fav princesses so I'm not trying to brag💔). I'm not trying to be biased or anything when I say this but her hair sucks. It does not look flattering on this beautiful actress. Its cut weird and it looks very unnatural. I see what they were trying to do with it at the ends but it was not executed well. I like that they gave her brown hair because black just wouldn'tve looked good imo, but other than that it just looks bad. Now her makeup, it's not bad at all but I do think it needs tweaked. First I would give her more blush on the apples of her cheeks, on her chin, and on her nose. It would really add to the cartoon look and definitely make her look younger (I'm not saying she doesn't look young it's just snow white is literally a child). I think using contour to make her face rounder and adding more red to the lips would add a lot more to the look. Other than that I don't really have any complaints about the makeup. Also where did her bow go? I loved the bow :(

3.- The dwarfs. What are you doing Disney? They got rid of them but then brought them back but made them cgi because they wanted to be PC but in turn became less PC. Just hire little people?? Little people exist, they don't bite. Just hire seven people with dwarfism and leave your weird cgi for animals. Literally what was Disney thinking making them cgi? Again just Disney not caring or putting any effort in their live action movies.

4- yapping. Disney needs to stop with live action movies. I know there are people who love live action adaptations, and I've enjoyed a few of them. With Cinderella it was fun! Jungle book was cool, and then lion king everyone was tired. If they need more ideas they need to hire younger writers. There are tons of new stories out there that will never reach people because Disney's too busy cranking out live action cash grabs and sequels to movies that don't need to be tampered with. It's gotten so bad that the Internet will believe anyone if they say another movie is being made into live action (ex. "Live action" tangled, where Avantika Vandanapu was harassed for being fan casted as repunzle.). I think if Disney really wants to make more money they should put more effort into their movies and listen to what the audience want. Disney hasn't been original in decades, every movie is a remake of something, but you could take an already made story and make it interesting in other ways.

No matter what I say it's not gonna change anything. I'm a teenage girl ranting on Tumblr and Disney is a giant multi million dollar company run by white rich men who only care about money. It's just nice thinking some people will hear what I have to say and agree with it, even tho it won't change the bigger picture.

I can change a familys life though. Disney doesn't care about people dying or what's happening on the other side of the world, but we as individuals can. ⬇️

This is my friend Farah, her and her two little boys were displaced in the ongoing g3n0c1d3 happening in g🍉za. If you could donate to or share her gofund me it would mean so much. Or if you could just reblog this post and say "scroll to the bottom" it would help too. https://gofund.me/545623fe

Thank you 💜

[triviareads]

Releases on June 13th

Summary:

Madhuri Iyer doesn't believe in astrology. So when her mom reads her horoscope for the year and it predicts failure, she decides she will create a fake relationship on her own terms to disprove not only her prophecy, but also the Iyer family curse, where Iyer women always end up with the first man they get with. The guy she selects to fake-date her? Arjun Mehta, her best friend. Except, well, Arjun's been in love with her for years but she doesn't know that.

Some background:

Listen, I'm a pretty simple South Indian gal: if I see an author by the name of Ananya Devarajan, a heroine named Madhuri Iyer, and a cover with two dark-skinned Indian characters, I'm going to read that book pretty much regardless of the content. And when I found out this was Ananya's debut novel, and our cultural backgrounds were pretty similar, I knew I had to give this book a shot.

My review:

Before we get into the meat of the review, two language-related issues I want to note:

1. I have never heard Indian people refer to their elders by their last name. The book references Indian aunties by calling them "Auntie Iyer" or "Auntie Mehta", but that's not very accurate to the diaspora. We always use their first name, and then "auntie" or "uncle". So instead of "Auntie Iyer", the more accurate way to reference her would be "Kamala Auntie".

2. The Iyers are a Tamil family so I have no idea why Madhuri's mom is calling anyone "beta", which is a Hindi term of endearment, when the Tamil "kanna" exists.

Moving onto the review, this book has three plots: There is Madhuri and Arjun's "fake"-dating saga, Madhuri's struggle to accept her Indian side and the culture, and Arjun and his mother's estrangement. All of them were good individually, but it was a little difficult for me to follow along when the plots intertwined.

First, the fake dating plot. Madhuri creates a dating "contract" of sorts (or I guess, an experimental design) called the Kismat Experiment with the intent of breaking up with Arjun at the end of the school year on her own terms. Some things worked for me throughout the span of their relationship: It had its ups and downs, there was parental involvement which was pretty funny, and I did appreciate Arjun asking for time when Madhuri confesses her love for him at last, which he had every right to do. What worked less for me was the somewhat lacking chemistry between Madhuri and Arjun. It's tough because when it comes to friends-to-lovers as a trope, you have to navigate that slippery slope between not seeing your friend a viable love interest, and then suddenly seeing him as a love interest. Writing that transition in a believable way is hard to get right. Here, the author sort of leaned in on the familiar past when it came why Madhuri and Arjun liked each other (for example, Arjun affectionately remembers Madhuri as the girl who stole his heart when she stole a jalebi from him when they were six) but I couldn't really find much to read about what exactly changed for Madhuri when it came to how she viewed Arjun now, as a teenager.

A more minor note, but I think there could have been a *little* more physicality to Madhuri and Arjun's relationship, while still being within the bounds of how far YA typically goes. I liked him helping her put on her jhumka, so maybe more moments like that? That would have been great.

Apart from the relationship plot, a significant portion of the book was devoted to Madhuri's struggles with internalized racism. It's a product of the external racism that she faces in school and in her town, and I have to say, it was difficult to read such blatant hate spewing out of teenagers in our generation's mouths in 2023. But maybe that's just me speaking from a place of privilege, because as Madhuri herself points out, it would definitely have been easier for her if she was raised in a place like "Edison, New Jersey or Fremont, California" instead of her small mostly-white California town. A lot of this plot is shown through Madhuri's struggles with having to quit Bharatanatyam after getting bullied for it, and how she starts to enjoy it again, and eventually performs.

Something I'm glad the author points out is that our culture has become more "trendy" in recent years (especially when it comes to wellness) and it would be accurate to say certain parts of the culture are fetishized (she suggests Arjun is a victim of this) and appropriated, even as the diaspora continue to face racism.

The final portion of the plot was regarding Arjun's family situation. His mother is a divorcée, and Ananya definitely spoke to the cultural taboo that divorce continues to be within the Indian community. I'm not gonna lie, this aspect of the book was very difficult for me to read, especially because of how easily his mother neglected him and left him alone for long periods of time (like, months on end). I'm glad Arjun put boundaries for himself by the end of the book.

Overall:

I think this is a solid book, and very much on the sweet end of YA. My biggest critique is that I really wanted to read more about Arjun and Madhuri's relationship, and sometimes it felt like other side-plots got in the way of that (like, for example, the hospitalization plot).

That being said, this is another step forward for South Asian rep in literature, specifically South Indian rep, so I'm glad I got to read this book.

Thank you to Inkyard Press and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for my review.

[radishgirlsenpai]

tw vent, racism, mention of suicidal thoughts

This happened two days ago, but I'm still so fucking angry I have to write this down. We are european, btw and very much white.

My grandma, my dad, and my mom's cousin came over to have dinner with me and my sister because mom is out of town. And afterwards, they were just talking. I wasn't completely paying attention, and then I hear my grandma use the n-word.

Now we had this conversation before. I know she doesn't mean it derogatory, but still, I tell her she's not supposed to say that. To which my father responds, "If he can't say the n-word, why can they call him white?", which any normal person knows these words are in no way equivalent.

I tell him this, to what he responds with going off on a tangent about how you can't say white man anymore and that there are ai tools that, if you ask them to generate pictures of any kind of people they are always gonna be poc even if it's historically inaccurate and if you specifically ask for white men it tells you they can't do that.

At that point I left, because I knew continuing to argue would be pointless, and staying would be worse for my mental state. But I did look up what he was talking about, and everyone...

He was talking about googles gemini ai that was SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED to be more inclusive and ad "divers", "black", "south asian", "female" or "non-binary" to your search. He was literally complaining about not being able to buy clothes in a fucking soup store.

And the thing that made the angriest what that the whole argument pretty much started out with "don't be mean to other people". I mean for fucks sake you learn this shit in kindergarden.

I haven't talked to them since and I'm not planning to until I'm hearing a genuine apology.

I already struggle with believing being alive is worth it, and that trying to help others has a point. Hearing shit like this from my own family is not fucking helping. Apologies for this rather long rant.

[your-greatest-queen]

RANT

-Sorry, it's messy and unorganized, but I don't care because I just need to spill some of the anger out of my body with this post-

Hate having to sit and listen to my mother go on rants with people about how she doesn't give a shit about black history month or pride month or days of sorrow for Indigenous communities etc. because she thinks it's creating modern racism/homophobia

Like mom there's nothing modern about it

These events aren't pitting people against each other in a new era

All of the old problems still exist. There's nothing new because the old is still here and thriving

If straight white people start to hate minorities for celebrating their history/found freedom without getting celebratory opportunities for themselves, then they are still the problem

She said just the other day, and I'm paraphrasing, "I don't care who you FUCK, it doesn't affect me. Why do we need to keep fighting for this? In my opinion, the fight is over."

First of all, it's not all sex. It's love, freedoms, rights, the fact that we're human beings who are struggling with our right to live and love in this world. Second, how the FUCK would you know if the fight was over if you don't talk to minority groups unless you're telling them how unimportant and overexaggerated their struggles are.

Like I'm sorry, you think you're woke because your brother is gay and you didn't shun him and you went to a few marches when you were younger so we could have the right to get married

But that's not how that fucking goes. When my brother came out at 10 years old you told him he was just confused

My older brother had a crush on a trans woman one time and my mom sat him down and showed him a string of photos of attractive trans women and every time he agreed they were attractive she told him that the woman was a man

She also complains CONSTANTLY about how "being gay isn't a personality"

I have a friend who's a trans guy and he was a student of hers (she does music) and she told him straight out when he corrected her on his pronouns that she would NOT call him by he/him in front of a class full of little girls because they shouldn't have to know what that means

And this friend was young and queer and excited about being a new member of the community and so he talked about being gay a lot (which I loved because at the time, I was still learning to accept myself and his passion made me feel so much more comfortable)

But my mom HATED it

Every time he left our house she would complain about him

It's been two years since we've seen him and she STILL complains about him sometimes

I tell my somebody that my mother is homophobic and they do not believe me because "she's so cool tho"

Nobody takes me seriously and I'm left sitting here, listening to my mom talk so horribly about my community, biting my tongue so I don't get in trouble for trying to educate her, or worse, outed.

Also to touch on the race part-

She dated a Nigerian man once and he was a cheating scumbag who lied about everything and instead of being cautious of lies, she decided not to date black men anymore

Her last name is Métis in origin and my dad's/mine is white European and she told me that if I were, for whatever reason, on a reserve or in a neighbourhood with lots of native folks, I should ALWAYS use her last name instead of mine so they don't attack me

She has an Egyptian friend who I don't even know the name of because she exclusively calls him "King Tut"

She thinks she's supportive and woke because her brother is gay and because she adopted boys of colour, but she has no idea how harmful the things she says and does are

And anytime I've ever tried to tell her, I've been screamed at with things like "YOU THINK YOU KNOW MORE THAN ME???" and "WHY DOES THIS EVEN HAVE TO BE AN ISSUE WITH YOU"

She doesn't get it and she won't listen and it hurts

I feel for my Indian brother who she laughed at when he accidentally ate pork rinds

I feel for my African brother who she laughed at when he explored black culture in North America

I feel for my little brother who she dismissed when he came out as a lesbian at 10 and who doesn't even know he's not actually her little girl because he's too scared to tell her

I feel for my queer friends- my flamboyantly gay buddy who she jokes about "he sounds like he wants to be a woman" and such things because he's feminine. My trans buddy who she complains about constantly because of how open he is with his gender and sexuality. My wlw friends who have to sit and listen to her lecture them about dating boys because they mentioned in earshot of her that they had a crush. etc.

And I'm devastated that I can't stand up for anybody without putting myself in a bad situation.

Anyway, sorry for the rant, I just had to get it out there.

[quillify-tries-to-talk]

RACISM IN STALKING JACK THE RIPPER BY KERRI MANISCALCO

DISCLAIMER: This is going to be a lengthy and very angry rant because most people seem to love Stalking Jack the Ripper series and don't recognize the rampant racism and token diversity plaguing this book. I'd written about it on my IG story but that can only reach so many people. I am Indian and if anyone tries to tell how I, as a PoC, should feel about the butchering of my country's culture, you can shut the hell up.

To start, I'll quote Mark Twain: "Loyalty to the country, always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it."

Right. So I'm Indian. And there are a ton of problems plaguing our country, which many don't want to admit, but one thing that we're mad at: white people butchering our country's culture.

Stalking Jack the Ripper is the first book in a series by Kerri Maniscalco and it chronicles how a girl, 17-year-old, aspiring forensic scientist Audrey Rose Wadsworth strives to solve the Jack the Ripper murders in the late 18th century.

Believe me, I tried to love this book. But the more I think about it, the madder I get.

40 pages in, we find out that Audrey's mom was from India. And she had "beautiful honey skin."

.........

Great. The one thing every writer is advised not to do, a published author does.

Also, wtf is honey skin? Don't people know basic geography? THE CLOSER YOU ARE TO THE EQUATOR, THE DARKER YOUR SKIN WILL BE.

Or do they have an aversion to explicitly saying "brown?"

So, coming back to the point. Audrey is biracial. Her mom is the dead PoC. And the closest we get to seeing her explore her Indian heritage is the vague mentions of her grandmother dressing her in saris and her eating chick peas at a local fair (or was it a circus? Someone correct me)

I have a question for Kerri Maniscalco.

Did you not research Indian history?

Didn't you know India was fighting for freedom, emerging from a failed, nation-wide revolt that English historians choose to gloss over?

Why didn't Audrey know what was happening in her mother's country? The Revolt of 1857 and the subsequent freedom movements were an immensely painful time for Indians. My country was looted and plundered and destroyed by colonizers for 200 fucking years because they thought they were "teaching us how to be civilized." I will not have white authors cherrypick pieces of my country's culture for diversity points and wholeheartedly ignore the suffering and history.

Why wasn't she making an effort to stay in touch with her mother's heritage? It could've been the littlest things: speaking a Hindi word, reading through poems of Rabindranath Tagore, anxiously asking her father if there was news from India about what was going on. Why wasn't Audrey Rose facing any problems because of her biracial heritage? It could've made an excellent critique on racial discrimination and colonialism, adding depth to the book and enhancing the themes of feminism (if you want to read a book highlighting this theme, I recommend The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi)

She doesn't even have a non-English name!! The wikia says that Audrey's full name is Audrey Rose Adhira Wadsworth. Because God forbid someone have a non-English name or looks that deviate from tan/honey/gold skin (which don't fucking exist; just say light or dark brown) plus, gemstone-colored eyes. Is there a problem with brown eyes and skin? Oh who am I kidding? Of course there is. They're not gemstone-colored after all. You can't write poetry about them. :/ The least you can do is attribute them to the food that colonized countries used to grow for Europe. Am I right?🙃

Here's to the people gushing over this series and not noticing the blatant token diversity. Like I've kept harping: performative activism doesn't fucking work. If you love a book, fine. Yay. But if you love a book to the point where you refuse to admit that it has problematic themes, then you've got a problem.

Also, if someone comes at me saying feminism in this book is amazing, let me say another thing:

Feminism is supporting every gender, supporting sex workers, supporting the choices that women make. Audrey Rose being disdainful of women who like dresses and makeup and gossiping while thinking that she's not like other girls? That's not feminism. That's just being haughty. Even if you hate someone, doesn't mean you look down on their choices to live their lives.

Think about this.

[ruinestagehouse]

[[CW: I don't know how to tag this, I'm not in a good state because I've set off a system member in the process of this. So, for content warnings, I talk about displacement, racism, being ripped away from culture, forceful socialization into another culture, evidently the s* slur, cultural rejection, and that fact that I didn't think this would hurt as much as it did. This came about from a discussion I just had where perhaps I didn't word my support as well as I wanted, and the person brought race into it, do not harass or bother the person if you find out who he is. Please. I am actually begging you. Do not show him my vent, either. I have him blocked and I want no contact with him, and he wants none with me. If you try to act like a racist twat towards natives on this post, I'm blocking you. I don't care who you are.]]

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I have, very painfully remembered why Ryan hates it when either Eris or I have to bring up the fact we were forcefully disconnect from the fact we're native.

It's easier to just say we're white because no one believes us otherwise. Mom is pasty as the damn sun, and we got that from her. She has us so disconnected from our dad's side of the family, and any semblance of a culture he has, that I don't even know what we are anymore. She made sure to muddle that too. Ryan says it was Blackfoot. I trust him on that.

But when I have to tell someone that they've just completely missed a point I made and they just continue making assumptions, even when I have to come out and tell them, "I'm not white. I'm not the exact same as you but even if we were I am carrying hidden damned trauma from being ripped away from anything that could have been shared by an actually racist mother,"

"White people ripping themselves a new asshole to make me look like the bad guy."

Christ, you were just looking for a bad guy you twat.

Damnit, I know I will never belong! I will never bloody fucking be able to. I will never reconnect with a culture I was robbed of and I certainly can't do it here where it isn't safe. But to know that even if I tried I'd just be some white kid who you called racist for typing out "savage," which wasn't even aimed at you it was quite literally quoted from your message as you accused me of treating you like one in a post supporting you, in which I didn't even know you were native when I wrote the damned thing, a word I have damn well been trying not to be called out of fear (I use I here to denote the system as a whole, but this trauma is mostly Ryan's. Ryan is the one who bore the brunt of this) because God knows being what I am already is at risk of getting me raped in a state where that is a death sentence due to disability and the fact I'm trans, to bear a child would kill me outright, utterly fuck you for clinging to a victim card because you found an easy target.

This entire typing style, did you think I was from fucking England?

Damnit, I live in Ohio. I type and speak like this because none of my damned friends are American. None of the media my parents showed me was American. I have to consciously stop myself from using the spellings of other countries for words like color. This is how I was socialized. This is how I was raised. The furthest from what I actually bloody fucking am.

I'm tired of this. I even went to walk away and he just could not fucking relent. He didn't even read what I said. He just kept calling me white and then called me a racist.

Ryan, I'm sorry. I didn't know any of that was a trigger, but Christ that was horrid. Christ, I give up on this. I really will only ever be some white twat to the people I'm supposed to be a part of. I can't escape my socialization. I can't escape my mother. But evidently, I'm alone no matter what I do.

I don't talk about this for a reason, and I never want to talk about it again, because it doesn't matter. If anyone asks, as I always say, I'm Irish/Scottish.

It's just fucking easier to pretend.

[kane-and-griffin]

Hey! So I know that you're the most famous person of the kabby fandom (and I love you btw) so there's something I need to tell you. I've seen a lot of people from the kabby fandom (which I am a part of it) getting mad whenever someone on twitter doesn't like Kane or Abby, saying that it's because they are ageist which I think is really annoying (like they start going off on them almost every time ) 1/2

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and if they don’t like a character it’s not necessarily bc they’re ageist. I think that this is the reason a lot of people don’t like us so (if you agree with me ofc) could you maybe pass the word? I love you btw you’re an amazing person and your ff are the best 😘 2/2             

Okay.  So.  

There’s a lot to unpack here.

I have a lot of thoughts, some of which may notbe the thoughts you were hoping that I would have.  I do want to thank you for your very sweet words, but I also want to address a few things about this askI find extremely frustrating, not with the intent of making you feel bad butbecause I think there are some big conversations here worth having in a broadercontext.

First and foremost, and this is something most ofyou have heard me reiterate many times, I am a strong advocate of peopleaddressing their problems with each other directly.  If you saw someone on Twitter accuse someoneof being ageist and you disagree, that’s fair to say!  Social media is a free and open exchange ofideas.  Also, if you’re a member of theKabby fandom, and you witness another member of the Kabby fandom engaging inbad internet behavior, call them out!  It’salways better for communities to go collect their own people when they crossthe line rather than expecting others to do it. If your fellow fan tweets something mean, call it out.  We all need to do our part to shut that stuffdown and make the fandom a better place. But the right forum for that is to bring it up with the person whoactually said or did the thing you’re upset about, and not to bring it to acompletely unrelated party.

Which brings me to my second point: I’m extremelyuncomfortable being addressed as though I speak for the entirety of the Kabbyfandom.  I don’t.  No one person does.  Fandoms are communities made of individualpeople who have shared interests, but there’s no hierarchy. I don’t want to bethe Bad Fandom Behavior Police. This is especially frustrating when I getasks where one member of the fandom comes to Kabby Mom about something anothermember of the fandom did … especially when it’s something I wasn’t part ofand didn’t witness.  

And that, my dear Anon, is the big problem that I’mhaving with this request.  I don’t haveany idea what incident you’re referring to, what was said, by whom, to whom, orwhat the context was.  You’re asking meto agree with you that somebody was out of line, and that, quote, “that’s whypeople don’t like us.”  But I can’t grantthat premise without knowing what you’re talking about.  

(Also, by the way, I would urge you to let go ofspending too much time caring about whether other fandoms like us.  I can assure you, most of them honestly probablyaren’t thinking about us that much.)  

If I understand the situation correctly, and ifwe’re referring to a real incident and not a hypothetical, you’re saying that PersonA tweeted something negative about Kabby and Person B said “that’s ageist.”  You, Anon, believe that Person A was not being ageist, that Person B overreacted,and that B is the one whose behavior is the problem.  And that’s certainly one possibility.  But the other possibility is that maybePerson A was being ageist but neither Person A nor you have recognizedit.

And I cannot make that determination for you,because you haven’t told me anything concrete, and I wasn’t there.

I am also a thirty-six-year-old woman in a fandomfull of teenagers and if you are not thirty-six then it is entirely possiblethat you and I are seeing the concept of ageism from two very different andincompatible points of view in the first place.

That being said, if you want my opinion, here is my opinion.

First, there really is no excuse for being a jerk onthe internet, no matter what you disagree about.  There will always be people who love thingsyou hate and hate things you love and ship things you find incomprehensible andreject headcanons you treat as gospel, because we all fandom in our ownways.  So if you’re asking me, shouldKabby shippers get a pass on being jerks to non-Kabby shippers just because I,personally, ship Kabby, my answer to that is, “of course not, that is insane.”  Disagreement and discussion are always okay;Twitter is a public forum, and if someone voices an opinion, you get to haveyour own opinion about it.  But being ajerk is never okay.  

In general, I am a strong proponent of stayingin your lane. I’m a pretty ruthless curator of my Twitter and Tumblr feeds, soI don’t follow anyone who talks shit about Kane or Abby (I have a one-strikeblock policy with this), and I recommend this approach to everyone.  Make your social media feed your happy place.

Now, there are lots of people in the fandom who don’tlike, or simply don’t care for, Kane and/or Abby.  There are probably plenty of reasons forthis, and not, not every single one of these reasons is inherently ageist. HOWEVER!The fact that you did not see the comment in question as being ageist does not actually mean it was not ageistor that the person who called them out was wrong for doing so.  

Ageism is hardwired into the very fabric of oursociety – like misogny and heterosexism and racism – and just like with thoseother -isms, most of the time when we serenely think that we are guiltless ofit, we are lying to ourselves. And that goes for internalized prejudices,too.  This stuff is ingrained in us from birth. In general, the sameway I am inherently suspicious of white people saying “I AM ZERO PERCENTRACIST” and men saying “I AM THE MOST FEMINIST MAN TO EVER MAN”, I tend to takewith a grain of salt the words of people much younger than me talking about ageism in this fandom because I actually see it a lot.

And fam, we need to talk about the differencebetween fandom discourse about Abby and fandom discourse about Kane.

Now, your mileage may vary, but I will say thatin my personal experience, when I stumble upon someone who does like Abby but doesn’t likeKane, I agree that it frequently has its roots in reasons which are notinherently, automatically ageist.  Ittends to be rooted rather clearly in plot. More often than not, they’re still tripping up over something he did in aprevious season that they can’t get past. (We should probably save the conversation about our fandom’s selectiveforgiveness problem for another time.)  Theycan’t get past the Culling, or arresting/shocklashing/attempting to float Abby,or being too hard on Bellamy, or losing the election to Pike by choosing toally with the Grounders, or floating Aurora or Jake, or just in general being amega-dick in the pilot.  And that’sfine!  I mean I feel like you’re missingout by giving his four-season character development arc short shrift andignoring the way all the terrible things he’s done in the past shaped him intoa better person once he confronted them, but whatever!  The point is that, you’re right, thatreasoning is not, in and of itself, inherently ageist.  That’s not to say that there aren’t any fanswho straight-up just don’t like him because they think old guys are boring, forthe most part, when I see people dislike Kane, it’s a reaction to something that he did.

But we actually do need to talk about ageism andAbby in this fandom.  Because it is a big fucking problem. 

The problem with ageism and Abby is that moreoften than not, from what I’ve seen, when people dislike Abby, it’s a reactionto who and what she is.  It is absolutely impossible to separate itfrom internalized misogyny and the way older women are systematically devaluedby our culture in ways that sometimes we can’t even see as ageist, because they’rejust hardwired into us. 

Sure, every once in awhile you get an easy one,and someone whines on Twitter about “gross old person sex,” and then you canpoint to it very clearly, and nobody will dispute that we’re talking aboutageism here.  But it’s often so muchmurkier than that.  Ageism can look likea lot of different things, many of which you’ll believe are completelyunrelated.

Ageism can look like fans who show up in thecomments of the writers’ room Twitter and Instagram when they post pictures ofthe adults to say “nobody cares about them, post [whoever I personally stan themost] instead.”

Ageism can look like gifset after gifset featuring “leading ladies of The 100″ where they include Fox and Maya and Charlotte, but not Abby (who has second billing in the cast after Clarke).

Ageism can look like a blanket refusal, under inany situation where Clarke and Abby are at odds, to grant that Abby might havea point, even when the narrative is clearlytelling us that Clarke is the character at fault. The tendency within thisfandom for young girls who closely identify with Clarke to graft their own momfrustrations onto Abby is virtually never-ending, and it can be hard to sift throughthe the complex intersection of ageism and misogyny that makes it impossiblefor them not to see mothers as human beings who are interesting, who are wise,who are right, who know things their children do not, who are sexual, who areallowed to make mistakes, who deserve screen time and plot agency, who are justas vital to the story as the teenagers.

Ageism can look like giving Clarke sole creditfor establishing peace with the Grounders through Lexa, when in fact it wasKane who made the first contact with her and got her to offer the treaty in thefirst place, and it was Abby turning Lincoln from a Reaper back into himselfagain that cemented the alliance.

Ageism can look like shutting down Kabby shippersgleefully enjoying headcanons about bunker baby theory because Abby is “too oldto have a baby” – a misconception that has permeated so deeply into our culturethat we have all internalized the belief that no woman is supposed to have ababy over the age of 35 as though it is inarguable scientific fact, even thoughit may interest you to know thatis a myth.  (“What? How did I notknow that that was a myth?” BECAUSE OUR ENTIRE SOCIETY IS AGEIST TOWARDS WOMENAND THE STUDY THAT GAVE US 35 AS THE MAGIC STOP NUMBER IS FROM LIKE THE 1700’S,THAT’S HOW FEW FUCKS THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY GIVES ABOUT UP-TO-DATE RESEARCH ON THEHEALTH OF OLDER WOMEN)

Ageism can look like a fan who ships all thenon-canon ships … except Doctor Mechanic, because it’s “gross” and “Abby isbasically her mom.”  The inherentdesexualization of age-difference relationships is often rooted in ageism.  You don’t have to ship it!  But if you insist that no one should ship it, then there may be some ageism in the rootsof your ship-shaming.

My point here, dear Anon, is that if you arelooking for someone to tell you, “you’re right, Kabby shippers overreact aboutageism in this fandom,” you are barking up the wrong tree, because from where Istand, as a woman far closer to Abby’s age than Clarke’s, I’m going to venturethat we don’t talk about ageism enough.  And like many -isms in our society, if itdoesn’t appear to you to be that big a problem, that may be because it doesn’tapply to you.  (Yet.)

Now, to be clear – before someone sends me anangry rebuttal to this – not in a million years am I saying that it makes you inherently ageist if you don’t shipKabby.  Just like it doesn’t make you inherentlyhomophobic if you don’t like Lexa or inherently racist if you don’t like Bellamy or inherentlymisogynist if you don’t like Clarke.  Butall squares are rectangles, even if not all rectangles are squares.  By which I mean that, contained within thegroup of people who don’t ship Kabby, there is a lot of ageism, just as,contained within the group of people who hate Bellamy, there’s a lot ofproblematic racial shit, and it means we need to have a clearer understandingof where those lines are so that we recognize the ugly stuff when it shows upon our timeline and call it out when we see it.