#because maybe I'm alive but I'm not well

[ya-what--ya-erster]

I've had some pretty rough patches in my life, and even with the ones that are long passed, I still struggle with those rough patches.

Each of those rough spots tend to have a person assigned to them, the person who struggled/struggles through the same thing with me.

It's so amazing to see that person smile a real, big smile, unprompted from something on the outside. Just them smiling because they're happy.

But it also sucks, because I'm not. I'm still hurt too bad to smile like that. I still beat myself up and hurt and hurt and hurt.

So even though I'm happy for those people, I'm also jealous. Maybe even a little bit bitter. Because they seem to manage it so well, seem to have gotten past it.

And I'm still stuck.

[juliaaadoodles]

They snuck out of the RCM New Year party or something

[ceaseless-watchers-special-girl]

Juno Steel and the Terrible Waste.

'kay, let's be reasonable about this. Past Junoverse episodes have mostly just given a vague understanding about what will happen in the episode. Murderous Mask tells you basically nothing about the plot, only about the most important object. Prince of Mars? You learn who that is in the first five minutes. Midnight Fox? Only really relevant for the last few seconds.

Junoverse titles are not the biggest indicator of how an episode will go. There are some incredible titles, like Monster's Reflection, but even that is somewhat misleading — Juno spends those episodes learning that neither he nor Sarah are monsters.

so basically what i'm saying is the episode could still be happy letmedreammmmmmmm

[cosettegf]

i love the penumbra podcast and i love second citadel and i really enjoyed listening to the finale but i feel. weird about the way this show treats its female characters???

[averlym]

(click for better resolution, etc.)

[nguyenfinity]

Every time I draw Mamagi it does AoE damage (I am also in the area of effect)

Lighthearted bonus:

[rmbunnie]

I am alone on this barren earth (Jason Todd liker and Mia Dearden liker who honestly thinks issues 69-72 of the 2001 Green Arrow run are fun and good and would really like to talk about them beyond "Jason Todd was ooc and irredeemable there because he was trauma-dumping on Mia but also everything he said was fake and made up and he was manipulating her to become his sidekick and he blew up her school in retaliation because she didn't so really we should ignore the whole comic as bad writing /or agree he should just be read as an sadistic sidekick killer" (None of which is true and over half of which is directly stated to be false in the comic's text) but all people ever have to say about the comic is weird wrong takes about the three pages in which the gym fight happens ripped out of the very interesting and fun surrounding context)

[miss0atae]

Random thoughts about Pit Babe the series ep 10:

I was really waiting for this episode and I knew it would be filled with sadness and sorrow.

▪️Babe had a fight with Charlie before the race because his boyfriend was concerned about him. Babe thought Charlie didn't trust him and said some hard words to him. He was angry at him and it was their last conversation before the accident. Obviously, Babe was heartbroken. No one would want an argument to be the last conversation you have with anyone, even more when it is your lover. Babe really suffered in this episode. I said it before but I think Pavel really knows how to cry. He is a pretty crier. You do believe in his sadness and terrible loss just by looking at him. Of course, the sorrow was followed by anger and a will to get revenge. I feel sad for Babe because he lost his best friend, his father abandoned him, Tony took advantage of him and he had to lose the only person he ever loved and felt safe with. It was hard to watch him be utterly distraught.

▪️In the middle of all this drama, Jeff made a move on Alan because he has to wait until he decides to do it, he would have to wait an eternity. That kiss on the cheek was cute but I was expecting more! Alan is supposed to be in his thirties but he flirts like he is a pre-schooler. Jeff must really like him because I would have given up. He has been flirting a lot and Alan always seems to have this surprised Pikachu face when he finally understands what is going on. I wish they made their romance start earlier because we still have to wait until next week to get a proper kiss. At least, they are living in the same place. Proximity is the key to making the romance bloom.

▪️Kim finally was out of Tony's clutches. I hope it is because Kenta helped him get to Jeff but we never got confirmation. To be honest, I was surprised when Jeff brought him to Alan's house to protect him. It felt like they made some cuts in the episode and the rescue of Kim wasn't brought smoothly enough into the story. I don't know...

▪️Tony was again very abusing towards Kenta. It is getting harder and harder to see. This kind of constant abuse must be really hard to deal mentally. I wish we got more backstory or explanation about Kenta. I feel bad for him.

▪️Way was trying to drink his sorrow at the bar and was used as an emotional punching ball by Babe, when he tried to act on his revenge plan to get to Tony through the only person he knew worked with him. Way denied any involvement in Charlie's accident. I didn't think we would see him that soon after what he did to Babe. I don't know how they will bring him again into the plot. Will he try to redeem himself by helping the X-Hunter fam when they go after Tony?

▪️Finally, we had confirmation that Dean was working against X-Hunter. He was sus since last episode. He may not be entirely responsible for Charlie's death but what he did was really shitty. He has an ego, he is pretty jealous and can't accept that he may not be as good as he thinks he is. Also, he did try to hurt Babe and was giving some stupid excuses for his behaviors. If you wanted to be outside you could just get out and find another team. Why are you trying to sabotage your previous team just because they never gave you what you wanted?! He was whining and it was annoying to hear because we never saw him try to do anything except complaining.

▪️Of course, we all know that Charlie is not really dead. The trailer gave us the clue, so it's not exactly something ground breaking. It was part of his plan, he talked about with Jeff in the last episode. Now, Babe has his power back and will collaborate with Pete to bring down Tony. Charlie will probably just save Babe's life again because he only thinks about protecting his lover.

Anyway, I still like this series and will be ready for episode 11, next Friday. Let's hope it won't have the curse of episode 11 because Babe has already suffered enough.

[flowercrowngods]

i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

[menlove]

well! after the most harrowing adventure of my life I have a fucking subaru. its name is billy and it is in fact evil

[maybemeursault]

look okay it's bad to erase marvin's canonical sexuality and the fact that She Likes Men but i literally genuinely with all my heart think that she is a trans woman

[jtl07]

I'm wholly consuming the Ava drummer idea and my thoughts strayed to those videos with people drumming with paint. Glow in the dark, explosive up on touch that flies everywhere and stains your clothes and gets in your hair and oh, the absolute thrill Ava would get because she loves everything messy. It's makes her feel alive alive alive

oh. my. god. this would be perfect. the perfectest of perfect. Ava would absolutely thrive in that kind of performance, sight and sound and that truth of being alive - helll yessssss

that immediately brought to mind Beatrice as one of those shodo/calligraphy artists who do live performances, like with the huge canvas and brush -- like, what if they collab together for some kind of event, Ava providing the music and Beatrice performing along with it. the stark black and white of the calligraphy spattered through and accented and complemented by the wild colors from Ava's drums - ahhh that would be so cooooooool

[briteboy]

guess who aged up :~}

[afniel]

Oh, okay. I've slept 2½ hours and woke up with my jaw clenched so hard it hurts all the way into my neck and I can't get comfortable again because I'm too hot and my heart rate is way up.

Is this what I get for dreaming that I was abusing item placement to make a launcher to go out of bounds from my own dream? Also why did my dream have a framerate, and why were boundary collision detection checks explicitly tied to said framerate? Come on, me, even asleep you should know that's a shoddy way to do it and just results in exactly what you were trying to do.

[mymarifae]

thinking about my stellefireflys

i just woke up from an unfortunate 8pm - 12 am nap i don't have words this image is th e best i can conjure up. to express my fucking feelings

[camellcat]

I wonder if Scott's alpha teeth made him nervous even after he got used to them just Being A Thing Now. If, when he would catch the glint of red eyes staring back at him, he had to still an instinctive flinch and try not to think of all the people who have threatened to or almost ended his life with that same vibrant hue. If the feeling of blood under his claws, on his skin, in his hair and soaked into his clothes ever became normal, if it was ever something truly able to be numbed and ignored. If seeing his shadow with pointed ears and elongated claws and shredded shirts gave him day terrors like the Nogitsune never went away; a paranoia that everyone could see how fucking messed up (how scary) he was. If Scott ever truly moved on from feeling afraid of being a monster, of becoming a Monster. Not all monsters do monstrous things, but all Scott has ever seen is monsters who choose to act like their namesake.

If he continues to be cautious and aware of his teeth, of his eyes, of how blood is overwhelming and what it's like to be afraid --- because if he looses his humanity, his tie to slow healing and faulty lungs and what it feels like to be prey to somebody else, how will he be any different from the monsters that plague him?

Scott is the outlier, and he does not let his monstrous features define how he chooses to behave and who is chooses to be.