#because its just constantly when will it be my turn and what’s fundamentally wrong with you

[xiuminsmygrandpa]

I'm rereading a diary entry I wrote a few years ago and it reminded me of Charles Rowland. Since it's pretty lengthy I'll only pull out the parts I think are relevant to his character.

"When I was a kid I assumed there was something so inherently wrong with me, so unlovable that no one would ever want to be my friend."

I was never physically abused when I was a child but my dad came very close to hitting me on several occasions and my mom, my primary caretaker was verbally abusive. So I grew up in a home with two parents who were incapable of loving me unconditionally. Just like Charles I never felt like I measured up to the impossible standards my mom set for me. Because of that, I assumed there must be something wrong with me, fundamentally, that made people incapable of ever loving me.

"I'd like to think I'm confident and self-assured but really I'm desperate for people to like me. To be accepted for who I am. Because for so long I thought that wasn't possible."

Before and even after meeting Edwin, Charles constantly tries his best to charm everyone he meets. Growing up with a dad who beat him he had hoped that by living up to his father's impossible standards he would be beaten less. But, as Charles says at the end of episode 4 it didn't matter how good he was, his father would still find a reason to beat him.

"I was a different person back then but the pain still lingers. Back then I was small and defenseless. I was a child but trauma has a way of sticking to the wounds I thought had healed. It turns out the scares were actually scabs and I'm bleeding all over again."

In episode 5 Charles is forced to confront the kids he thought were his friends, who betrayed him and ultimately killed him. He desperately wants to believe in Brad and Hunter just like he believed in his friends. But by acknowledging that they were not good guys starts him on a journey to healing some of the trauma that still lingers from when he was alive.

"But I let 6 fucked up people fuck me up. I let them in and they stabbed me in the back. I'd forgotten what that felt like. And I should've known better than to befriend them" (author's note I didn't mean this literally unlike Charles Rowland who doesn't technically get stabbed but they threw rocks at him as he was freezing in a lake which is almost the same thing)

I think this is why it hurts so much more for Charles to realize Brad and Hunter were truly evil. It must have felt like he was being betrayed a second time and after having to literally relive the moment his friends turned their backs on him in the previous episode it must have felt that much more palpable.

"I'm not a vengeful person. But I'm hurt. And a part of me wants to hurt them back."

At the end of episode 4 when Charles beats the Night Nurse we as the audience know his actions are justified. Afterall, she literally made him relive the moments before his death that he hasn't fully processed in 35 years. We know this but Edwin, Crystal, and Niko don't know this. They see a boy with anger issues and as someone who's been unfairly villainized by people who he thought he could trust oooof I can see why he ends up crying and confessing to his best mate that his dad beat him. I was bullied a lot as a kid and this show captures how awful and isolating that feels. Bullying isn't brushed aside because two of its main characters literally lose their lives to their tormentors.

"I'm a good person. I have many passions. I'm friendly, genuine, and honest. And yet people love to assume the worst in me. That I must be too good to be true. That it's all an act."

A big part of Charles' journey throughout season one is him coming to terms with who he is and how he presents himself to the world. I think one of his biggest, if not his biggest fear, is that if he weren't his usual charming self that no one would like him. But we know this is fundamentally not true because even when Charles was at his absolute lowest point (when he was literally freezing to death in an attic) he befriends another boy who also assumes he's unlikeable.

And that is why I love Dead Boy Detectives because it shows us that no matter what everyone is worthy of love, but most especially those who are told they aren't. Just like Charles finds the unconditional love and acceptance he never had when he was alive in Edwin and Crystal, I know I have it with my best friend and family. At it's core this show proves time and time again that we're never alone, even at our lowest when we feel abandoned, there is always at least one person who will gladly guide us back towards the light.

I know this is super long and wordy (the art history nerd in me sucks at being concise) but I had a lot of thoughts, particularly about episode 5, after the cameo I requested and I really wanted to share them. I do not expect George or Jayden to ever see this but I wanted to thank them profusely for being part of a show that has brought me so much joy and community that I really needed this year.

[nothingxs]

FFXIV Write // Lend an Ear

"So." "So…?" "What made you seek me out?" "Oh. I mean… I've said it a hundred times—" "And I still don't believe you. Just a fight in the Coliseum, is it? Certainly there is greater motivation." "—and I haven't lied any of those times. It's that simple." "…I want to believe you. I do." "Then what's stopping you?" "Several things." "Aye?" "Aye." "Are you going t' make me ask y' to list each one?" "…It's the desperation." "…How do y' mean?" "I mean the fervor by which you've thrown yourself at these… lessons. It's hungry. You think I don't notice your anger. I think you forget that I spend most of my time observing your exercises." "…I hadn't really considered that." "Maybe it's less anger. Perhaps it's spite, as well. You are familiar with some of the… base forms. I see the footwork and positoning in our trainings." "Huh… Wait, do I seem like a spiteful person?" "Somewhat." "Well, that's rude." "I damn well know you don't care." "Anyroad—was that it? Just those two reasons?" "Oh, no, not at all. Ilysa told me about your problems with the Gladiator's Guild and the Sultansworn." "…Well, that's kind of her." "You'll harbor no judgment from me. There are a few orders of Paladins, and very many free ones. Their values are bound to differ." "…Is that right? I just. I feel like they're… they're all caught in doing and pursuing all of the wrong things." "Aye? And what is that?" "It… it almost feels like they are busy chasing the top spot, so to speak. It's all… greed and glory and status. And it just… it felt wrong. That's not what I'd grown t' think a Paladin was supposed to represent, you know?" "No? What does a Paladin represent then?" "I don't know. Oaths. Customs. Honor. Protecting people." "Do you think the only people who protect others are Paladins?" "…Well, no. But that's what I wanted to be, right? That was what their cause was. To defend people. Or… well, so I thought." "All hypocrisy in the end, huh?" "Yeah." "It's like that, back in Ishgard, too." "Is it? I've not stayed there for much time." "Mmn. You're not missing out on much." "…Don't you live there?" "Mmm. Not for now, no." "How come?" "As it turns out, the guard really do not appreciate it when you are willing to use violence to help folk." "Isn't that pretty much what their job is? "Not when the violence is wielded against the guard." "…Oh." "Aye." "Is that why you're not a Paladin, yourself?" "…What do you mean?" "You mentioned how… the values were different. Are yours?" "…I love my people, and I seek to protect them." "Are those values so different from the ones of those orders?" "You tell me. You had the same problem." "…Is that why you agreed to teach me after all?" "Oh, no. I agreed to teach you because the alternative was to have an Elezen woman constantly at my shoulder, insisting." "…But she only asked you once." "You ought to get to know her better. Now, before we continue with today's lesson, I need you to listen." "Aye." "What I teach and what I know goes well beyond mere swordplay. There will come a time where we will more carefully probe into that anger that you're feeling, and we will dissect its cause with more care. Perhaps in time we will turn it into your strength. None of the effort will matter if you are sloppy and careless. So, we will work on the fundamentals of this style, until such a time as I am satisfied with your level of discipline. And throughout, we will slowly work through eventualities of your training as we come to them. Do you understand me?" "…Aye." "Good. During this time, I would hear of any issues that might ail you. If you feel your concentration waning, we will break, and we will discuss how you feel. This is of the utmost importance: the love in your heart and your serenity will be what safeguards you from what's to come to those who walk our path." "…Ser Hector?" "Aye?" "…What's to come, Ser?"

The only answer Hector could give was a rueful smile.

[goldenbunniesxo]

sorry for how long what I add here is but i really liked this post and wanted to add more of my thoughts of how light differs from akechi signficantly - but also how they have a few interesting similarities. I do agree with practically all of this honestly, I do think goro akechi and light yagami are fundamentally very different characters. however, as a big fan of both, i definitely think there's something very interesting about the way masks/personas play different roles in their lives, and how they both have this persona of being a gifted, perfect student. in light's case its a lot more effortless, to the point of it being boring. whereas although i think akechi is very intelligent, i believe that due to his background he needs to put a lot more effort into maintaining that appearance (and juggling being the detective prince + an assasin while light is just doing school like a normal kid - again, privilged.) however, i think the way they both put so much stock into the way they are percieved and crave being Seen so desperately, and navigate social interactions as games to be won in which their natural charisma makes them very adept at is super interesting. ultimately akechi is like, dripping with the desire to be seen but is terrified of it (the horror of being known yadda yadda) and so he gives pieces of himself with every conversation despite his best acting but also contradicts his character at every turn because he's a fractal of masks and persons and never got the space to fully figure out who he *is* (which on a different note is another way that he's such a good contrast and parallel to joker - but i digress). light on the other hand, has a pretty stable sense of self, even though that self signifcantly warps throughout the course of the series, you get the sense that you never lose the fundamentals of what light yagami is (unlike how you are constantly puzzling out akechi's "true nature" altho part of that is bcs we never get to directly be inside his head). light meeting L is the only time he ever gets truly "seen" in death note imo, but the tragedy kind of is that he will literally die if he shows part of his true self (kira - i say part because i dont think kira IS light's true self but just a part of it), so then L is still confronted with light's many masks and his obsession with kira makes you wonder if he could ever see light for all that he was. and like. as @casuistor 's yotsuba light analysis showed, light was also still pretending/acting during the yotsuba arc, that wasn't his whole genuine self, so yk. light is very much an icarian protagonist - a tragedy, a victim of his own making, if you will. things would have always ended up this way for light imo because of the nature of who he is and what he grew up around, and he honestly would have been genuinenly unfillfiled and unhappy in a no death note universe too. light is obsessed with proving to himself that he is a Good Person, and that he did not fail, because when Light accidentally killed two people it freaked him out so bad that he decided he'd become god because god decides what's good or bad, and cannot be judged. the mental gymastics he does to justify his actions to himself is quite frankly hilarious. light is aware althroughout that murder is wrong and bad and that what he's doing is evil but he believes himself a martyr, and justifes bloodying his hands for the sake of Greater Good.

goro akechi never fancies himself a good person. i think even though he doesn't regret killing any of his victims, i think he fundamentally believes that he is a bad person, and goes to great lengths to never excuse or justify his behaviour - which also means just omitting his reasons for it too. akechi doesn't want to be percieved as a victim at all because he hates his agency being taken from his actions. which loops back around to their main difference - akechi's desire for agency, which trumps his desire to be seen, and light's desire to be good, which trumps his desire to be seen.

I feel like when people compare Akechi to Light Yagami, they fundamentally misunderstand his character. Their similarities really end at their designs, and Light is the kind of person Akechi would despise. Light Yagami lives a pretty privileged life at the start of Death Note. He has a stable home, with two parents and a sister who care about him. He's a successful student. There isn't really inherent tragedy to his life. The whole reason he starts using the Death Note is a mix of curiosity and a jaded worldview, and when it works it empowers him, very quickly goes to his head, as he believes he is one who can be a god of a "new world" once the shock of his initial kills wears off. While his first kill was to help someone, that altruism didn't last. He is in charge of his choices, while Ryuk mostly vibes and maybe eggs him on a little. Fundamentally, Light has something Akechi lacks: agency, and a comfortable life he took for granted. Meanwhile, Akechi is someone who lived on the bottom rung of Japanese society. His very existence is shameful there, between his mother being a sex worker, his status as an illegitimate/"throw away" child, and his mother's suicide. Years languishing in a foster system that is notoriously inhumane, in a country where 90% of the adoptions are grown men for inheritance and patriarchal reasons, while very few children in the system find permanent homes. When Akechi awakens his power, he approaches Shido not because he wants to kill people but for a stupid revenge plan cooked up by a traumatized child who's been nudged along by a malevolent god. He wants to build Shido up so that at the height of his power, he can expose him for the monster he really is, while another part of him genuinely wants to be useful to Shido, as Cogkechi later calls out. His feelings are a mess of contradictions, and so it's no surprise that Shido was able to mold him into his assassin at only 15 years old. It's also worth noting that Akechi only approaches Shido with his ability to cause psychotic breakdowns. Shido is the one who teaches and instructs him to do shutdowns. He's still complicit, very sunk cost with his revenge plan, but as I spoke of here, even if he wanted to quit, he couldn't alone. Shido's cleaner and control of the law and ability to effortlessly turn him in would render the Metaverse his only safe haven. I think people look at 11/20 Akechi and Akechi in the early parts of the engine room and assume that's just his "true self," when in reality it's another mask. Royal makes it very clear because in Rank 7, he outright warns Joker of what's to come via a pool metaphor and offers an out (though he's MUCH happier if you don't take it/stick to your principles), and in Rank 8, he goes on that big "I hate you" speech... while Sunset Bridge is playing. Y'know, the song that plays at the end of most confidants to reaffirm bonds. So when he smiles as he shoots what he assumes to be Joker, that doesn't mean he's genuinely happy. More likely, he's an emotional clusterfuck, given he also is disoriented enough to namedrop "Shido-san" over the phone, and in the subsequent meeting with Shido, tells him not to kill the Phantom Thieves and that Morgana is "just a cat." Yes, he says they'll make them fear for the rest of their lives, but remember, he's talking to Shido. The things he says are likely all incredibly calculated to sound appealing to Shido. And when you consider that he planned to utterly destroy Shido's reputation after the election, the "delay" makes even more sense.

Later, Akechi goes on about how the people he induced shutdowns on were deserving of their fates, but I don't think he believes it so much as it's the only way he could convince himself that it was worth it, and given how much society failed him, and given how many of the people he targeted were likely rivals/competitors or rich fucks, I think he'd be less inclined to assume good faith. Kunikazu Okumura was not an innocent little victim, after all. He was one of the people who requested breakdowns and shutdowns the most. I think Akechi enjoyed killing him not because of how it'd hurt Haru, but because of catharsis. Because Okumura is just as monstrous as Shido, so why should he feel remorse? However, I don't believe he feels the same about Wakaba, as when he discusses her with Shido, he mentions how her fate was because she refused to willingly work for him. It's another justification, but I personally think Wakaba's death was the most painful for him because he was effectively making Futaba just like him. That's why I think his reaction to Sae threatening Sojiro's custody was genuine. Anyway, evil grinning Akechi is just another mask, as I said. Keep in mind, this is someone who laments not meeting Joker years ago, someone who Morgana outright points out is lying about his hatred. And that's the thing. Light Yagami, while a really fascinating character, is not someone who had all this childhood suffering or lack of agency. He does not regret his actions in the slightest and goes down due to his own hubris in both the anime and the manga. While you can argue that Ryuk set him up by dropping the Death Note, Light was the one who picked it up and chose to use it. Any nudging from Ryuk didn't coerce Light into doing it because Light seized the opportunity. No, if Light Yagami is like anyone in Persona 5, it's Masayoshi Shido, not Goro Akechi. Both believe they are god/god's chosen, that they are the ones who will reshape the world to their ideals, and to be frank, both use and abuse women to serve their own purposes. Goro Akechi goes down sacrificing himself for the Thieves and pleading with them to stop his father and again in Maruki's reality when he refuses to let Joker accept a gilded prison of a world for his sake when he knows better than anyone what it's like to have no true freedom. If you max his confidant, you see him in the postcredits, leaving his survival entirely possible, and I think it works because at the end of the day, Akechi was meant to be a victim and a foil. Light is a villain protagonist and a cautionary tale. Though its his POV we follow, he isn't someone we're meant to root for, but I definitely don't think enjoying the character is a bad thing at all. He's really interesting! I just think that a lot of the Akechi and Light comparisons are surface level at best.

[conflictandscotchblog]

Flushed With Pride

There is a theorem in science called Occam’s Razor which states that the ‘simplest, most elegant explanation is usually the closest to the truth.’

I am sure there are things in life that you can apply this theorem to improve many aspects of our lives, and make them better. However, while Occam’s Razor may be the best way to find the truth, I feel it may also be the best way to identify the perfect design of a form or function.

Of course, I’m talking about the bathroom.

What was wrong with the way my bathroom functioned for the majority of my life?

I’ll tell you – nothing.

You did your business, depressed the handle on the side of the tank to flush, turned on the faucet, washed your hands, and left.

Perfect, right?

Yes, so society said, “let’s change it.”

The first change I can remember is when the handle to flush toilet moved from the side of the tank, and was now a button on top of the tank, directly behind you.

What contortionist designed this contraption? Which of the seven fundamental ballet movements do I need to perform in order to flush?

Next came the motion sensitive toilets and urinals.

In hindsight, just because technology is available, doesn’t mean you have to use it.

At the beginning of this improvement, the slightest motion in the bathroom and a rush of water escaped down the pips even before you have done anything.

Then they improved on that improvement, and it was a game changer (but not in a good way).

The motion sensitive light jumped from the toilet/urinal to the faucet and paper towel dispenser, and that’s when the fun began.

If they filmed us in the bathroom, there would be reels of footage of grown men and woman performing karate movements (Wax on, Wax off) just to coax water from the faucet.

Hell, while arms and hands crisscross the air, you could earn a Black Belt just to get paper towels out of the damn machine.

It doesn’t stop there, however.

This past weekend, we had a family dinner at a Brazilian Steak House. (Side note, so much food).

I was not familiar with Brazilian Steak House, but basically there is a constant barrage of servers who constantly roam between tables, with meat impaled on swords and carve slices of food onto your plates.

At the end of dinner, I needed to find the rest room.

It was a very large restaurant, and with the continuous wave of customers and servers (with meat swords), I redirected my path several times before I reached my destination.

With both the MAN and WOMAN icons on the one door, I expected a unisex restroom.

I was wrong.

There were ten separate bathrooms, five doors on each side of the room, each with either a green VACANT or red OCCUPIED displayed under the door knob.

Opened the nearest VACANT door, and stepped inside. What I found was not just a stall, but a bathroom complete with toilet, full vanity, and hand drier.

After I finished my business, I expected the toilet to flush once I stepped away, but it did not. There was what looked like a motion detector in front so I waved my hand across it like I was meeting and old friend for the first time.

Nothing.

Then I noticed a small, silver button at the right-side-back-end of the tank. Odd placement indeed, but when I pushed the button the water flushed away.

The faucet at the bathroom sink was a tall cylinder with a spout but no handles to control the water. There was, however, a small lever on the bottom right so I flipped it forward and backwards and expected the water to flow.

Nothing.

Then I pushed the top of the cylinder down and water came out of the spout.

Success.

Washed my hands, and miraculously paper towels emerged from the machine after just a few basic hand movements.

The water from the faucet continued to run.

Back at the sink, I looked for an off switch/button/anything but nothing.

I pulled the top of the cylinder up, but the water still ran.

After a few more seconds the water continued to pour from the faucet, so I left.

As far as I know, its still running.

I liked it so much better when you walked into a bathroom and you knew what to expect.

And don’t even get me started about those Bidets...

[charmanderxerneas]

Im so fucking sick of gender. So fucking sick of gender norms. So fucking sick of painfully straight+neurotypical+white privileged people who enforce the most dog shit fucking takes you ever heard. Why are so many people okay with acting like everyone needs to be shoved into neat little boxes and that its Weird if you’re anything outside of what they expect?

I am so sick of people misunderstanding queer people. I hate straight people applying straight standards to gay people. so sick of hearing jokes about queers like “So who’s the Man and whos the Woman in the relationship?” or shit like that. I’m so sick of when someone displays an interest outside of “BOY LIKES BLUE GIRLS LIKE PINK” that it fucking baffles people to the point of questioning their sexuality. “That boy paints his nails and wears dresses? Lol hes Gay” (i even hate seeing fellow queer people make Egg jokes about those people) or even “Is that person really trans? they still like (girl thing) so are they still just a girl?” I hate when some fucking disrespectful family member “accepts” a friend to their face, but as soon as the trans persons back is turned they are constantly deadnamed or misgendered out of earshot. i hate that cis/straight people think that trans people are just fucking pretending to be a different gender and that no one fucking takes it seriously. In their heads you are still just whatever gender they perceived you as no matter what you do or say.

I fucking hate society thinking that people need to pass or even attempt passing. Why must trans people get expensive and hard to achieve surgeries and dress a certain way and grow their hair a certain way for you to even acknowledge their identity. Why do nonbinary people have to look androgynous to you. I hate that because i make literally no effort to pass (nor do not care to), no one even questions my gender and just assumes that Im cis

today some friend of my mom’s came over with her son (less than 2 years old). Mom suggests I let him play with my my little pony dolls and the mother insists “Oh no but he’s a boy! And I don’t wanna make him gay. nothing wrong with that but I would feel so bad because then my dad’s legacy/bloodline would end with him!” To which I (baffled) respond “Why does that matter?” “It matters to Men :) “ why on earth are you bending over backwards to make men happy. why do you so fundamentally misunderstand gay people that you think its scary and bad for your (INFANT) son to possibly like a Pink toy. why do you think people can just seemingly change their sexualities if a boy watches too much barbie or if a girl plays too much hot wheels. why are you so afraid of men expressing femininity that you force a toxic mindset onto your children who are not even old enough to understand these concepts.

why do you need to force everyone into acting out the most cookie cutter 50s-traditional-wife-and-husband relationship where the wife can only like cooking and being a housewife and raising the kids and the man needs to be fucking worshipped and never questioned.

why are straight people so fucking uncomfortable with anything outside the binary.

[mechanicalinertia]

Bubblegum Black Chapter 6 is now live!

I missed my monthly deadline awhile back, but never fear, dear readers! I am back on my bullshit.

Celia and Swimming: See Anatomy of a Lovedoll - hell, see the first fifteen minutes or so of the first Bubblegum Crisis OVA - to see what I'm talking about. I'm fanon-ing that Celia is a) an excellent swimmer and b) uses it as catharsis when she's feeling disraught or disregulated. It just seems like the kind of thing she'd do.

ALMs: In this future, more robust AI exist, as envinced by the existence of Boomers, but cruder language-model AI from our time are still around. With the novelty of language model-generated content having all but worn off over the decades, most megacorps now use them in ways like this, generating metalinguistic code for automated and cyborg bureaucracy to whisper to each other over the company intranet. What? I think it's a clever idea. Paperwork often does feel like it's written in a foreign language, doesn't it? Might as well formalize that.

Sylvie and enemies: Despite Sylvie being largely a character of my own creation, extrapolated from so little screentime on her part in Moonlight Rambler, there are times when I worry that I'm writing her wrong. But I think I've figured her out. She's sweet and kind and loving, yes, but she's not passive, she left that passivity behind in Anchorpoint. She's going to make sure you know what she really thinks, barely concealed behind a flimsy veil of politeness. She'll be more straightforward with her comrades in arms, of course. Yeah. The more I play with Sylvie, the more I understand how to write her. I have an idea for a big scene involving her much later down the line and it's really exciting stuff.

Thuggee: Real-ass bandits of the Indian subcontinent, a name especially prominent during the Raj and not just in the one Indiana Jones movie. I think they should show up later in the fic - the idea of exploring how everyone outside of Roanapur but entangled in Koh Chang's business lives is fascinating to me - but for now they're not a big deal.

Bharat: Hindi name for India. Apparently the quasi-fascist BJP government there wants to change its name to double down on Hindu nationalist identity as the only valid identity in a nation of over a billion people, many of whom have alternative heritages that a secular nation would better serve. You can probably guess my politics, dear reader, from some of the stuff I post, and so you can probably guess that this element - one where a Hindu nationalist legion of psychotic gurus rules - is extremely dystopian. Honestly, I think more modern cyberpunk needs to acknowledge the rise of these governments, like in Hungary and Israel and potentially America if the '24 elections go badly. They're farces whose only selling point is internal bloodshed, eternal purges and cruelty. They can't even muster up the energy national revitalization they claim is so important to them, the way the fascist scum of the 20th century built armies for genocidal Lebensraum, because it's better to just privatize public services and fellate the divine power of free-market megacorporate tyrants. Let's call these sleazy fronts for corporate control and terror postfascist, then, shall we? I really should wave this word around a bit more often, it feels appropriate for cyberpunk. Anyhoo...

Rock and Guns: I don't remember where but I swear Revy's said something like this canonically. Here, though, it takes on an alternate turn. Instead of it being about who Rock is as a person, someone fundamentally unsuited for nasty violence as delivered by his hand, it's more Revy trying to protect Rock from Balalaika being nasty towards him. That's the idea, anyway. Balalaika is right, mind you. Rock has aided and abetted killing of all sorts constantly. He's more the gun that fires Revy's bullet than the other way around at times.

Revy getting a Hardsuit: What? Did you really think for one fucking moment that I wasn't going to do this? I've said as much! And reader, let me tell you, I am excited to do it. As for Balalaika... she might get a Saber hardsuit instead of a Russian 2050's powersuit, I'm still hashing that out. We'll see how things play out.

V.V. Vladilena: Balalaika's pseudonym for controlling Bougainvillea. A little joke on her part.

VHS-5: Further iteration of the VHS Croatian assault rifle. The newer version looks pretty cool, the older version has that FAMAS clone kinda vibe... either way, the point is that it's the kind of rifle Hotel Moscow owns a lot of that isn't explicitly Russian.

Vinfast: Yes, you heard me right, Vietnam's big fancy electric car company is still kicking in the 2060's! Sure, their cars are apparently quite shit now, but so were KIA and Hyundai's cars a few decades ago and no one would accuse the mighty chaebols of making such inferior product now. They're probably still plenty cheap in the ASEAN bloc, too!

Batwoman: Does Revy know that Batwoman's a canonical lesbian? Eh. Probably not. Are DC comics and Marvel and whatnot still around by 2069? Who knows, but I know Priss namedropped Batman in OVA 7, so maybe!

D-Company: D-Company is a real thing! Apparently its founder, Dawood Ibrahim, was on the FBI's most wanted for a hot minute! Apparently they're a pretty big deal in Muslim South Asia! Or were, anyway. Why put them in here? 'Cause I just didn't feel like having the Cosa Nostra in this fic. I'm sure the Italian mafia's reach spans the globe and as such could conceivably get its tentacles into Roanapur, but I wanted something a little different, something with more regional power. As for those other Islamic crime syndicates - Somali kinship networks I think I pulled out of a reference in Walter Jon Williams' Hardwired, and the Saudis-in-exile are, well, the Saudi royal family in exile, yeeted out of their own country following a bloody post-WW3 civil war. (The Emiratis control most of the Arab peninsula now, more on them around... chapter 8 or so. Not the next chapter I mean, the one after that.)

The Big Content Warning-y Moment: Whoo. Okay. Yeah. Blood and guts and gore and now this. Don't have your kids read this fic, folks. Revy's a very very bad role model. I did have someone say who read this a few days ago that while he could understand Revy, if she kept up her act he'd drop the fic. Which is fine, because I don't intend for Revy to get much worse. This is her low point, threatening someone with some really bad shit, someone who called her out on her other shit, and now? Well, now things are gonna change in Revy's head, hopefully. We'll see how things play out, won't we?

One last thing: I'd like to apologize for missing my self-imposed monthly update deadline by almost two months. It was annoying to me. I'm not sure if it was annoying to you, dear reader. I do have another chapter waiting in the wings that's shorter and sweeter in both senses of the word. With any luck, I'll be able to get it and another chapter out by the end of December. It's not a great place to be in - I wanted the climax of this arc to show up around the end of the year - but I need more time to make that happen.

After that arc, we'll have another arc, and another and another and then the fic will reach its conclusion. I'm excited to see where I can take this. Are you?

[quasi-normalcy]

For all that people complained about how bleak Star Trek: Picard was when it came out, I would say that its depiction of the Federation was just a culmination of all of the flaws that it was depicted as having on Deep Space Nine (and, to a lesser extent, Voyager and even TNG): Earth-centrism, disregard for the rights of artificial persons, and a willingness to regard entire non-Federation species as disposable if their survival is deemed a threat to the Federation (or even if saving them contradicts an abstract philosophical point). It’s a society that has clearly lost its way, and its annoying (at least to me) that the writers couldn’t have instead imagined the Federation getting its shit together, but the thing is: everything that’s wrong with it emerges organically from the Federation we’ve seen, and, most critically, it is problematised. Our heroes stand in opposition to this corruption. Picard, Rios, and Raffi all left or were cashiered out of service over various aspects of Starfleet’s authoritarian turn; Elnor is a survivor of the Federation’s neglect; Seven and Soji are both members of oppressed minorities and Jurati had her academic career derailed, all because of fear and reactionary opposition to cybernetics. And yes, it’s bleak, but it’s also fundamentally hopeful: they are standing up for what’s right, even in the face of bigotry and oppression, and what could possibly be more Star Trek than that? You can argue about whether it was successful or particularly well-executed, but its heart was very much in the right place.

And that’s why, for all that I’m enjoying Season 3--for all that I love seeing the TNG crew together again and paying-off character arcs that I’ve been watching play out over the course of my entire lifetime--it gnaws at me. Because the thing is: the Federation hasn’t gotten any better. The genocidal criminal conspiracy from Deep Space Nine is now considered “a critical division of Starfleet Intelligence.” This “critical” bunch of war criminals keeps a sentient AI comatose to guard its warehouse, and nobody even comments on how fucked-up that is. The captain of the Titan constantly denigrates his ex-Borg first officer and orders her to deadname herself, but it’s okay because he’s *traumatised* and kind of funny in his assholishness. You get to have a heartbreaking moment with Picard saying “I didn’t know...” when he hears the extent of Section 31′s war crimes, but then he and Beverly, in the face of 35 years of consistent characterisation, immediately compound the war crime by resolving to execute Vadic. No, the Federation hasn’t gotten any better; the heroes have just gotten worse.

I love the TNG crew. I love seeing Picard and Ro finally have it out with one another; I love having a lifetime spent shipping Jean-Luc and Beverly pay off; I love that we finally get to see just how deeply Data’s death affected Geordi, and that we finally get to see Data’s relationship with Lore and his “becoming more human” arc pay off in a way that’s so seamless that it honestly feels kind of obvious in retrospect. But at a deep, philosophical level, I would rather see an angsty story about heroes opposing corruption than a happy story about heroes going along with it.

[subzeroparade]

My turn to add to the parade of Bloodborne asks

So, you've discussed the other Byrgenwerth scholars rather extensively to this point, but how exactly does Micolash factor into the founding of the Healing Church, if at all? I always read the School of Mensis as a sort of proto-Choir that steadily drifted off of the main institution. However, given the hints you have dropped (in Litanies and elsewhere) that Micolash and Laurence were not on the best terms, what exactly do you think happened? And if the School is unrelated to the Church in your opinion, what differences did Micolash have from Willem that forced him to leave?

Okay I had to think about this one for a minute, because I still don’t have a solid hc for how it went down - though I’d like to shape one just cause it would make great narrative material for a fic. I feel like I need to sit down with a School of Mensis lore video or something for a refresher - but for my own personal hc I absolutely maintain that:

Laurence and Micolash were contemporaries at Byrgenwerth, though a few years apart. I also truly think they would have hated each other (for all the pettiest, most inconsequential reasons. When shit went down in my graduate department it wasn’t cause folks fundamentally disagreed on questions of research or methodologies - it was just whining over resources and favouritism. Who was on what panel of what conference; and who was usurping too much of such-and-such prof’s time; and whose travel research got funded for all the wrong reasons etc etc. Unstoppably petty.) I love the idea of Micolash constantly snapping at Laurence’s heels, sabotaging his research and trying to undercut his credibility in the trolliest of ways. Essentially being one of those people who asks a question after a conference paper but it’s not really a question, it’s a seven-minute soliloquy on what they think about the subject. Ironically I think Micolash is that guy, and not Laurence. 

Since you’ve read Litanies you also know that I think the discovery of Kos was a kind of epiphany for Micolash, but I don’t think it’s something he acted on immediately (as a young scholar still tied too tightly to Byrgenwerth). But I like the idea that Micolash would have come, much later, to the Healing Church - only when it garnered enough resources and renown, or once the Choir was established as its own “division”.  (Before that, he’d have stayed at Byrgenwerth and published scathing reviews and salty journal articles criticising the Church’s research, haha). He could’ve come and stuck around long enough to 1) observe the Choir’s work and take anything of value, information or otherwise, and 2) foment resentment and undermine the Church’s goals/methods enough that a group of scholars would willingly align themselves with his ideas and, eventually, break off in a hostile manner from the Church. This could’ve happened over a decade, for example - maybe some of these scholars saw the writing on the wall when the side effects of blood ministration began to show, or with the repeated failures of the Choir to achieve ascension, and they were like, you know what, fuck it - maybe this singularly weird sleep-deprived grimy noodle of a man is right; give me a cage on my head and let's explore the cosmos via drug-induced lucid dreaming. Boom, Mensis becomes its own independent institution and inflames already-hostile relations with the Choir/Church.

This is very nebulous but feel free to slide into my DMs if you want to speculate further. Here’s another sullen eyebrow-toting Byrgenwerth-era Mico for your time. 

[rusted-icicles]

Something that is super fascinating to me about the concept of Good Uncle Belos AUs is how Hunter is affected by how differently his uncle treats him vs how Belos treats everyone else.

For further clarification, this refers to AUs where Belos is basically "bad person, good parent" and nothing about him changes except for his relationship to Hunter (and possibly his relationship to Caleb and the rest of the grimwalkers), not AUs where Belos is a good person/has good intentions.

Because Belos would still be his canon, shitty self mistreating and manipulating his subordinates, and then the doors would close and he'd turn to Hunter and be all nice and caring and parental. Like, how does Hunter deal with that? How does Hunter deal with constantly facing the fact that his uncle is Not A Good Person?

This isn't canon Hunter, who has no reference for what a Healthy and Good Relationship looks like, and thus thinks its normal. This is a Hunter who actually has a pretty good picture of what love and care looks like, and has had it since his childhood. So how Belos treats others would register to him as something Different, as something Weird, or maybe something Bad.

Would Hunter accept it as Just How It Is for people who are of vastly different ranks? Or would Hunter turn to apologism and victim-blaming to deny the fact that his loving uncle could ever be capable of doing something like that? (Especially if Belos tells him that it's because they "deserved it" when Hunter asks why.) Maybe Hunter just turns a blind eye to the mistreatment. Maybe he just pretends that side of his beloved uncle doesn't exist, and avoids any situation where he might have to see his uncle lash out.

Maybe there's a part of Hunter that knows that his uncle is a shitty person, even if he is doing his best to cling onto his impression that Belos is someone good. And that part would urge him into taking the blame whenever missions would go wrong, even if he really had nothing to do with the mission's failure. Maybe Hunter would learn how to distract Belos, how to redirect his anger, how to manage his moods and cheer him up, all so that others don't have to face the Emperor's wrath.

Alternatively, Hunter can be an asshole about it. Like, a smug, spoiled, entitled asshole. He demands what he wants and he will get what he wants unless you want to get reported to the Emperor. The type of guy where you'd love to deck him, but you can't because he'll go running to his politically powerful, rich dad uncle and make you regret it.

It kinda irks me when people say that Hunter is fundamentally a good person, because personally it would be a lot more interesting if he had to learn how to be a good person, or has to put effort into being good. Maybe Hunter was an entitled brat when he was younger, maybe Hunter actively tries not to be like the Emperor, or if he has nasty voice in his head that tells him that "hey, Kikimora's being a real bitch lately. Why don't you mess something up and blame it on her?" Even if Belos genuinely loves him, he is still a horrible role model for a developing child.

Hunter's struggle with reconciling his Uncle Belos with the merciless Emperor Belos is something that I wish more creators would explore (hell, it doesn't even have to occur solely in a Good Uncle Belos AU, it's still applicable to canon) more. Because (fully) realizing that your uncle, your only remaining family, someone that you love is a Bad Person is hard. Hunter goes through this in canon, in Labyrinth Runner's "I spent my life believing I was doing something good for someone good, but it was a lie." But now, there's the added layer of realizing that Belos had the capacity to be someone good. Hunter knows that his uncle could have been someone good, his positive relationship with Belos is proof, isn't it? But instead, Belos chose not to change. Belos had over 300 years to change, and is self-aware enough to filter out most, if not all, the emotional manipulation from his interactions with Hunter, and yet he still remains a complete and utter ass.

Or maybe... Belos also lied about how much he loved Hunter. Maybe Hunter wasn't exempt from the Emperor's manipulation, and all his kindness was just a facade. Maybe Belos was just a bad person, incapable of being anything resembling good. Hunter wouldn't know if it's true or not, wouldn't trust Belos's answer if they even get a chance to talk about it, but at least believing it alleviates the guilt he would feel for resenting him.

[mha-grievances]

A fan/lurker submitted post. Thank you so much 😊

Them:

I have not read the Manga and am not up to date in the Anime, mostly because reading criticism of BnHA does more for me than does the series itself. So... I take full responsibility for anything here that is wrong due to my ignorance, but... Regarding the death of Bakugou, I thought the death of a UA student was meant to be the final event that would crater that school's reputation for good and possibly throw Japanese society into the sort of chaos that defined the early era of Quirks when it was lawless and structureless. The most prestigious Hero school has evidenced its incapacity multiple times and smoothed it over with platitudes, but now a student who is famous - the Sludge incident, winning the tournament, being kidnapped by the LoV, &c - has died. The Symbol of Peace is gone, the "hero" who took his place is terrifying, and UA has a dead child soldier. In this circumstance, the villains almost look like a separate authority, as the state and the academic establishment are unable to stop setting themselves on fire. The 'order' of things is broken. More than ever, this is a moment that needs genuine, selfless heroes- enter Midoriya, at last himself the spotlight after constantly being dimmed and overrode- But Bakugou is alive! You could say he never even died, because what utility did this have other than to yank the chain of his fans? I love the tag 'Bakugou x Consequences' but I want to go further to say the entire world mostly lacks consequences, too. Things happen, but nothing happens. Endless setup. A valley where there should be payoff. It does not come consistently. A mass of intersecting plotlines that fall down or fall apart, unannounced. Chains of events exist only in the most abstract sense. I really thought his death was going somewhere. I do not want to say that to this point I thought of his existence as totally useless, but when I saw he died, I thought, 'Oh, he was a slow burn, and all of these built-up events were meant to fundamentally shatter society with his death!' Not so... And I went back to wondering what he is supposed to... do, on a narrative level. Everything which begins to exist has a cause. For him, I am thoroughly unsure of what Horikoshi means to say with his existence. (That is a problem a lot, where there are few characters in BnHA who are truly irreplaceable, but I digress...) Horikoshi is an unskilled writer who lacks experience, and the scale of BnHA is beyond his capability, in my opinion. I don't mean to insult him - but he's written himself into an awful quandary, the type that is so complex, it can only be a result of a writer without experience. There is no reasonable way to fix this situation, so he did a triple-backflip and breathed life back into Bakugou because - ideally - that will quickly undo the mounting pressure within the universe (AND calm down Bakugou's fans; evidently this is their story not his). There are hundreds of incoming dead-ends staring at Horikoshi and each time he ignores them for the sake of immediate fixes, BnHA is one ton heavier and one step closer to collapsing under its own weight. This is not writing anymore - this is damage control.

This is putting a lid on an overflowing pot instead of turning down the heat, and in doing so, acknowledging the structural issues which lead to the problems on the surface. If the rumors that it is ending soon are true, it is for the best. These are just some thoughts I had while I read this blog last night. Avid reader!! Please keep writing essays. It's really important to give genuine critique to Anime.

Me:

Thank you so much for the kind words.

I 100% agree that Katsuki’s “death” was supposed to be a big thing, showing that the villains have the upper hand. However, like you said, his revival undermines the whole thing.

And I agree about Katsuki having no purpose in the narrative. His redemption serves no purpose in the story compared to say Endeavor’s which is about a man who, after be gave up most of his life and hurt the people he was supposed to be close to just to chase a silly dream, swore to make sure that he can at least stand strong until newer and better heroes take the stage.

I also agree that Hori is a flawed writer. He has great ideas and he does know how to create characters and a world, but the problem is that he fails at fleshing out his ideas, adds needlessly useless things to the plot, and focuses on the worst parts of the story rather than the better parts. The Stain Arc was great cause Hori was able to convey a message while developing the central characters pertaining to that arc. The Overhaul Arc, though criticism can be had regarding certain things, makes sure to focus on the important stuff and has a clear goal. Things like this current arc simply rely on asspulls to make things interesting. If you need to rely on asspulls, you’ve failed as a writer.

[combatloggingoff]

We stand for active online struggle because it is the weapon for ensuring unity within the timeline and the newsfeed in the interest of our fight. Every Poster and discourser should take up this weapon.

But logging off rejects online struggle and stands for unprincipled peace, thus giving rise to a gross, problematic attitude and bringing about political degeneration in certain cliques and individuals in the timeline and the newsfeed.

Logging off manifests itself in various ways.

To let things slide for the sake of peace and friendship when a person has clearly gone wrong, and refrain from principled argument because they are an old acquaintance, in the same fandoms, someone you have actually met in the physical world, a close friend, a loved one, an old mutual or longtime follower. Or to touch on the matter lightly instead of going off for hundreds of posts, so as to keep on good terms. The result is that both the feed and the individual are harmed. This is one type of logging off.

To indulge in having any opinions about anything in private instead of actively putting forward every single thought that passes through your skull in a post. To say nothing to people to their faces but to subtweet behind their backs, or to say nothing on the timeline but to go off in the private groupchat. To show no regard at all for the principles of online life but to make decisions in private. This is a second type.

To refrain from posting a Take about things if they do not affect one personally; to say as little as possible while knowing perfectly well what is wrong, to be worldly wise and play safe and seek only to avoid blame.  I SEE YOU NOT REBLOGGING THIS. This is a third type.

Not to join in with hashtags but to give pride of place to one's own opinions. To demand to be listened to on social media but to reject its discipline. This is a fourth type.

To admit you just don’t like someone and you’re arguing with them because they’re annoying instead of entering into an argument and insisting that your 134-tweet thread about them is disinterested struggling against incorrect views for the sake of empathy and justice. This is a fifth type.

To read incorrect views without immediately posting a comment and even to read problematic remarks without screenshotting them, but instead to take them calmly as if nothing had happened. This is a sixth type.

To be on Facebook and fail to conduct propaganda and agitation or turn the comments on someone’s picture of their dog into a fight about Kamala Harris, and instead to be indifferent to controversial topics and act like there are other things a human being might conceivably want to talk about, forgetting that one is a Poster and behaving as if one were an ordinary non-Poster. This is a seventh type.

To see someone defending Bean Dad or whoever we’re all supposed to be mad at this week, and yet not feel indignant, or dissuade or stop them or call their boss and try to get them fired and hang up in frustration when their boss has no idea who Bean Dad is. This is an eighth type.

To post half-heartedly without a definite plan or seething rage; to post perfunctorily and muddle along—“I’m just going to scroll while I wait for the bus, then I’ll put my phone away.” This is a ninth type.

To regard oneself as having rendered great service to the discourse, to pride oneself on being Popular Online, to disdain minor controversies while being quite unequal to massive shitstorms, to be slipshod in posts and slack in staying in the loop. This is a tenth type.

To be aware of one's own bad posts and yet make no attempt to correct them, taking a logged off attitude towards oneself. This is an eleventh type.

We could name more. But these eleven are the principal types.

They are all manifestations of logging off.

Logging off is extremely harmful in the discourse. It is a corrosive which eats away hiveminds, undermines ganging up on people, causes apathy and makes people suspect they might have something better to do with their time. It robs the newsfeed of hundreds of identical posts and strict discipline, prevents callouts from being carried through and alienates the timeline from the vast majority of non-twitter-using humans whom the timeline claims to speak for. It is an extremely bad tendency.

Logging off stems from privileged selfishness, it places having a life first and the interests of the discourse second, and this gives rise to ideological, political and organizational logging off.

People who are logged off look upon the principles of Posting as abstract dogma. They approve of Posting, but are not prepared to practice it or to practice it in full; they are not prepared to replace their logging off by Posting. These people have their Posting, but they have their logging off as well--they talk Posting but practice logging off; they apply Posting to others but logging off to themselves. They keep both kinds of goods in stock and find a use for each. This is how the minds of certain people work.

Logging off is a manifestation of good mental health and conflicts fundamentally with Posting. It is negative and objectively has the effect of helping the enemy; that is why the enemy welcomes its preservation in our midst. Such being its nature, there should be no place for it in the ranks of the discourse.

We must use Posting, which is positive in spirit, to overcome logging off, which is negative. A Poster should have largeness of mind and they should be constantly logged on, looking upon the interests of the discourse as their very life and subordinating their personal interests to those of the discourse; always and everywhere they should adhere to principle and wage a tireless struggle against all bad posts and problematic celebrities, so as to consolidate the collective life of the timeline and strengthen the ties between the timeline and the people who hear about viral tweets three days later on CNN; they should be more concerned about the timeline than about any actual human being, and more concerned about what other people think of their posts than about their own wellbeing. Only thus can they be considered a Poster.

All woke, based, active and upright Posters must unite to oppose the logged off tendencies shown by certain people among us, and set them on the right path. This is one of the tasks on our ideological front.

[gothicprep]

okay, hear me out for a second here. i promise im not crazy, i just think something is incredibly off here

There are these two women in my periphery that i make a point of never talking to unless they come in my bar. they once told me (around 3 years ago, at this point) that they kept inviting my now-girlfriend to things because she doesnt handle herself well when she drinks and they found it funny. that was all i needed to know about their character. needless to say, i think theres something fundamentally wrong with them.

they also grave danced over the suicide of a close friend of mine because he had sex pest tendencies in high school – he was 30 when he died. All 15 year old boys are liable to drift into sex pest tendencies because theyre managing puberty with trying to figure out social mores. Its not good, and being all “send tiddies hehehue” is cringey, stupid, and dumb, but not tantamout to a criminal sex offense. Around a year before he died, he admitted to having a crush on me, and i turned him down because i was in a monogamous relationship, and he never did anything out of line in response to that. in other words, he grew the hell up. Not like they cared. ”accountability, accountability “ about someone they dont and dont want to talk to, and thus cant determine the truth of it. if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to tweet about it, is it still accountable? god, i hate this shit.

They also claim that they have, not kidding, 15 abusers each. I made a spreadsheet of post accusations when i thought their social media and behavior was looking sussy. I see them around constantly, and i saw the interactions that they talked about in their dumb posts. turns out, 100% of the time, they were being nasty to their partners, and the ”shut up! stop screaming at me.” thing was justied

anyway, one of them has decided that shes the moral arbiter of the depp/heard trial, and i want to throw garbage into her refrigerator. nah. shut it. regardless of this trials outcome, youre going to use it to weaponize a crass version of the believe victims thing. Thats what you do constantly. youre a narcissist who plays into personal mirages of vulnerability to stick to your side.

i fucking hate liars, dude. theyre also dumb as bricks and havent connected that im typically working when all the shit they cry about goes down. if youre going to lie about someone making a scene at a restaurant, maybe you should be perceptive enough to ensure someone on your friends list doesnt fucking work there lmfao

this isnt meant to be a broad statement, btw. just one about two people i just cannot fucking stand and find ontolocigally evil.

[mysticetus]

Humor me for a second I’m doing this with speech to text on my phone.I was just playing animal crossing New Horizon‘s for the first time in a couple months and I was thinking about why this game was so fundamentally different. Why it feels so different from its predecessors why it feels kind of devoid of soul and heart because if I recall back in March 2020 when this game came out everyone was having the time of their lives it was very fun for the first few months and then it dropped off the face of the Earth. I have over 300 hours in this game I’ve played it a lot I dedicated a lot of time to it but returning to it I think I realize the issue with this game which is: it does not want you to play it it wants you to look at it. This game was not designed to be played this game was designed to function as a sort of collectathon time waster diorama dress up type game. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just that in previous animal crossing games there’s a lot less guilt or at least I remember feeling a lot less guilt and anxiety. when I play this game all that I see is an empty canvas I see something that I have to break down and build back up again to whatever I want it to be. It’s much less of something that is cute that I can tune into every day and it has become something that puts a lot of responsibility on the player. The amount of freedom that it gives you the amount of customization is good it’s new it’s novel but it’s not necessarily fun especially in the long term it loses its novelty. and I think this is largely due to the fact that it wants you to customize it and this in turn, I believe, negatively affects the other aspects of the game like for example my island is so heavily decorated with paths and careful gardening and furniture and fences that if I see a bug that I haven’t caught yet it’s gonna be on a tree that’s behind a fence that has a bunch of furniture next to it in so I can’t sneak up and catch it it’s impossible it’s literally impossible. Same goes for lakes and rivers in fact a lot of people what they did once they got the ability to manipulate water in the game is they completely cleared out all the lakes and all the rivers to give themselves more space to decorate. So there goes pretty much all your freshwater resources for catching fish. Like the need to customize either results in you customizing too much and you sacrifice your ability to catch bugs in fish and treat your villagers like people and it makes the game lose a lot of its core elements or you under decorate and all you see is everyone encouraging you to decorate your island, Isabelle constantly telling you to plant more flowers or put down more furniture and you feel a lot of guilt because you feel like you need to start decorating and there’s so much work to do and let me tell you this game moves really slow it takes forever to collect the items that you want and to terraform your island in to place everything manually it takes a really long time not everyone is gonna wanna do that in fact it’s boring for a lot of people and if you’re not someone with a creative eye your islands gonna be ugly and you’re not gonna wanna look at it you’re gonna look at it and think man I’m not good at this and then you’re not gonna wanna play the game anymore cause you kind of destroyed your island with ugly furniture and gardening and terraforming. I don’t know why I’m complaining about a game that has been out for nearly 3 years at this point and that everyone kind of agrees is not very good but it just hit me

[firelxdykatara]

Katara x Aang :3c

are you trying to get me in trouble

-cough-

no but in all honesty, my genuine feelings about kataang boil down to three major points: 1. it's boring, and does not jive thematically with either of their character arcs, to the point of, 2. actively hampering character development on both sides, and 3. katara deserved better.

points expanded under the cut. (please, if you're a kataang shipper and you see this, just keep scrolling. i've tagged it appropriately and put the bulk under a cut and at this point that's literally all i can do lmfao.)

send me a ship and get my (brutally) honest opinion!

1. It's Boring: This is the most subjective point on the list (I mean, in fairness, it's all subjective, but I have evidence from the show and post-canonical materials to support my other points; this one is just preference), but there's just... nothing to kataang. It's cute (when it's not actively aggravating), and... that's about it. It's not even that I dislike friends-to-lovers as a shipping trope (though it's not my overall preference), because there are a lot of friends-to-lovers couples that I do ship (kanej comes to mind, also will/elizabeth from potc, karolsen from supergirl, romione and hinny from hp, among others), but one thing that I think all of those couples have that kataang doesn't is that both sides of the pairing are teens or adults when they get together, with teen/adult dynamics and issues and stories to deal with, rather than one half being a teenager and the other being literally prepubescent.

And don't get me wrong, I have no problem with age gap ships in general. And as far as atla goes, Katara, at 14, has the same age difference from Zuko (16) as Aang has from her, and it's never stopped me--because both Katara and Zuko are well into puberty when they meet and I have no problem picturing them being into one another and growing together as they enter adulthood. Aang, on the other hand, is a child. And he acts like it. Which wouldn't be a problem, if the show weren't expecting me to believe he is a) ready for a romantic relationship, and b) ready for one specifically with Katara, who is not only older and far more mature but is specifically cast as his caretaker in a very maternal role for the entire show's run.

This show asks me to believe that a teenage girl well into adolescence is going to be attracted to and develop romantic feelings for a pre-adolescent child--and it asks me to believe this while showing us otherwise that Katara's type is actually older boys with fabulous hair and angsty pasts in all of her other potential romantic dalliances--and then enter into a relationship with him, all while ignoring the elephant in the room that is the fact that she was basically acting like his mother for the entire series to that point. (Something that is heavily lampshaded earlier in the very same season.) That just stretches the bounds of credulity way too far for me, especially when there's no evidence that Katara herself would get anything out of their romantic relationship.

There's nothing there for me to sink my teeth into. No delicious development, no parallels where they help each other grow, no internal conflicts that they have to work through together, nothing. Certainly no reason for me to actually believe Katara feels (or would grow to feel) anything for him other than the platonic affection of a caretaker. I can easily believe she loves him dearly, as a friend and quasi-little-brother, but I just can't see that developing naturally into romantic love--not the way it's presented in the show.

And even if they did manage to at least make the development of Katara's feelings believable, unless they changed something fundamental about the nature of their relationship, it'd still be boring, so.

2. It Actively Hampers Their Character Development--On Both Sides: I've written before (extensively lol im so sorry) about how kataang is actively detrimental to Katara and to Aang. In short (because ye gods this post is already getting long enough), Katara is narratively harmed by being shoved into a relationship that completely ignores her stated feelings--a relationship that had been presented as a one-sided puppylove crush for the vast majority of the series--and it inhibits her growth as a character in ways that become far more obvious in the comics and lok, where the very same creative forces that lead to her beginning a relationship with Aang in the first place reduce her to 'the Avatar's girl' and very little else, all the way through to the end of LoK (where she is a Healer and the Avatar's wife and, again, very little else).

As for Aang:

As to how this relationship is detrimental to Aang (other than the comics and LoK nonsense)? Just take a look at book 2, when he’s trying to learn Earthbending from Toph. Katara constantly coddles him. Much of the time, she’s afraid to be anything other than gentle and understanding with Aang--partly because of her fear that if she pushes him too far, he’ll run away. (Which he does, several times.) But sometimes, what Aang needs to grow is a sharp kick in the slats, which Toph was more than willing to provide--and which worked. Katara was great for teaching Aang to waterbend, but he needed more than that to grow as a person. And he can’t get that while he’s in a relationship with someone who will apologize for getting upset when he was very explicitly neglecting her.

In addition, it is pointed out by Guru Pathik at the end of Book 2 that one of Aang's chakras is blocked by his attachment to Katara. Aang takes this to mean (incorrectly) that he has to stop loving her in order to become fully realized as an Avatar, but this is actually part of the problem--because the issue isn't that he is in love with Katara, it's that he's possessively attached to her. He believes himself entitled to her love in return, rather than selflessly loving someone regardless of whether or not they return that affection. (This is obvious come the EIP episode, where Aang demands to know why he and Katara aren't in a relationship already--because he kissed her without asking [or even checking to see if she'd be ok with kissing him], which he phrases as mutual even though it very much was not, and he gets angry and violates her boundaries when she says that she is confused and doesn't want to think about it right then.)

It is his attachment to Katara--the need for her to return his love, the belief that she will and it is only a matter of time before he gets what he wants--that he was supposed to let go of, not his feelings for her in general. Unfortunately, while he pays lipservice to doing this (far too late for it to be useful--if he'd stayed with the Guru for five more minutes and unlocked his chakra there, that battle would've gone very differently), he almost immediately backtracks on that development come book 3, and there isn't another single whisper of Aang maybe growing up and moving past his one-sided and possessive crush and realizing that even if Katara doesn't feel the same way, it doesn't mean she loves him less or that their friendship is less important.

What really needed to happen, for Aang to grow as a person and become fully realized as an Avatar, was for him to grow up. To realize that his feelings were not of paramount importance, and that even if he was in love with Katara, he was not entitled to her love in return. He should have been able to move past his need for her to love him back, in order to get past that stumbling block, unlock his chakras, and regain the Avatar State in time to face the Firelord. But he didn't. As a result, they had to find some other way to just give him the Avatar State (a well-placed rock) and the means to defeat Ozai without killing him (the deus ex lionturtle) and his entire character arc just fell apart in the third act rather than reaching a satisfying conclusion.

3. Katara Deserved Better: This really ties into how her romantic relationship with Aang hampered her own development, but I'm still bitter enough about it that it gets its own bullet-point. And the biggest single reason I could never ship kataang--the thing that would've turned me off even if there were substance and a halfway decent storyline for them--is the fact that Aang kisses her without her consent (for the second time) in Ember Island Players, Katara gets angry at him and storms off, and then..... she walks out onto the balcony to make out with him.

With nothing to bridge that gap.

It's bad enough that a show aimed at children had a scene where the child protagonist kissed the object of his affections without her consent when she didn't want him to (made explicit by her angry reaction)--and this is absolutely an issue when the show is aimed at children and it may well be the first experience they've had with consent issues portrayed in media--but this moment is never addressed again. Katara just decides--completely off-screen--that she does love him Really and walks out to make out with him in the epilogue. There's no conversation, no apology for violating her boundaries, no discussion of why that was wrong or any indication that Aang understands what he did and why it upset her. They don't have a single one-on-one interaction between that kiss and the epilogue, and the only other time they are on screen together, Aang yells at her and storms off.

So, even leaving the comics and lok aside, Katara deserved much better from her own romantic plotline. In fact, she deserved to have one, rather than simply being the oblivious object of Aang's affections, given a couple moments where she blushes but otherwise remains completely ignorant of his feelings (she looks shocked and upset when he kisses her prior to the invasion, and then she completely forgets that even happened because she's confused as to what Aang is even talking about during EIP until he brings it up; that's not the behavior of a fourteen-year-old girl who was kissed by someone she was developing romantic feelings for), before the epilogue where it becomes clear that she figured all of that out off-screen and had feelings for him after all.

She's a main character, not a side-character written in solely to give one of the mains a love interest. She deserved a romantic plotline of her own. (She could have had one with someone else, with very few changes made to what was actually on-screen prior to the epilogue, but that's another conversation entirely.) She deserved to have her feelings considered at all important by the person she was going to be paired with in the end, rather than having him just assume she felt the same way and then get mad at her for never giving any indication of it when he'd never asked about her feelings to begin with. She deseserved agency in her own romantic narrative, and she just didn't get that with Aang.

So yeah, at the end of the day, my biggest issue with kataang is that it involved doing Katara dirty, and she's my favorite character and she deserved so much better damnit.

[bigskydreaming]

Okay, not to get into the TW discourse again today, because I am so done with that, but I do have to say one last thing about yesterday’s posts, because the ones I made really didn’t sit well with me in hindsight.

For years I’ve always stressed that I will never even try to defend Scott’s actions with Isaac in 3B, because they were flat out wrong and don’t need to be defended. I should have just stopped there. Every single other point I made in regards to THAT specific argument was irrelevant, because that’s the only thing that matters there. 

The scene was bad. Scott was wrong. It doesn’t need to be defended. 

HOWEVER.

(C’mon, its ME. You HAD to know there was a but coming.)

We are now willfully shifting gears to engage with another aspect of this entirely, the one we should have been focusing on all along:

The thing is I fell for one of the more obvious but effective discourse tactics, the shell game (hide the real argument behind a bunch of smaller arguments JUST tangential enough to the original topic that its easy to claim no derailment is happening - its basically the online equivalent of bigger law firms drowning their opposition in so many minor suits and filings that they eventually just can’t keep up).

Okay, because see.....here’s the problem. ‘The other side’ of this argument keeps trying to make it about that singular scene in 3A, and attacking Scott’s actions in it so obviously people are defensive....but we keep responding by trying to defend Scott’s overall CHARACTER rather than justifying a single scene. And we should be focusing on the scene, not the character. Because their fundamental argument has always been ‘well how can you defend THIS scene?’

And the actual answer to THAT has always been.....uh....we don’t?

There’s not a SINGLE Scott stan I know that likes that scene. It wasn’t something we wanted to see repeated, something we celebrated because Scott was exercising his primal Alpha power and right to rule or whatever the fuck. At no point have I EVER seen a Scott stan try and justify that scene as it being something RIGHT to do. Some people try and create a context for it to make sense of it in terms of why and how Scott could do that at all, but that is still aimed squarely at disavowing that scene as something we REJECT as an example of his characterization. We flat out DO NOT WANT IT.

Now.

Try and tell me the same can be said of Stiles and Derek stans defending THEIR abusive moments. Claim that nobody’s ever argued (extensively) how Stiles was JUSTIFIED in that hospital hallway scene in 5B. Imagine for a moment, what fandom would even look like if huge swaths of people hadn’t gone to fucking town defending Stiles for his actions in Lunatic, saying Scott deserved it and it wasn’t that bad, honestly. Same with Heart Monitor. Say people didn’t laugh and hope for more scenes like that instead of being eww why the fuck are they acting like this is normal BFF behavior. Pretend there weren’t YEARS of arguments justifying Derek’s violence with Scott and his betas by saying oh Scott did bad things too and also he said mean things so he deserved it and Derek was just teaching them how to survive and it was his right as their alpha, they knew what they were getting into, etc, etc, etc. 

No but seriously. Go on. Make those claims.

Y’know. So I can laugh at you for being dumb and saying dumb things.

See, THAT’S the difference here. THAT’S the ACTUAL issue constantly getting shoved behind endless attempts at obfuscation.

Yeah, Scott’s actions in that scene in 3B were bad. We’ve literally never disagreed on that point. Show me a single post from my blog or any of the Scott meta blogs, where one of us ever tried to argue that Isaac DESERVED what Scott did. Said ‘well Isaac did kiss his ex-girlfriend, what did he think was gonna happen?’

And the nerve of some people to habitually - for YEARS - harass Scott fans and hone in on that ONE Scott and Isaac scene like they actually give a single FUCK about abuse or abuse survivors, and like that scene has ever had anything to do with them not liking Scott.....

Because the truth under the right shell is the reason they never let the arguments focus on Derek and Stiles’ most abusive scenes at all....

IS BECAUSE THEY DON’T THINK THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THEM.

They’ve ALREADY spent years justifying that shit. We’ve seen it. Endlessly.

And like I’m gonna take deep thoughts on abuse from people who claim that taping up your friend and throwing lacrosse balls at him, getting him beaten up, treating him like an actual animal to humiliate him.....that all of that is normal, acceptable behavior between friends? People who have so little conviction on these matters that you just KNOW they would be screaming about how abusive it was if the roles had been switched and it was STILES being physically punished and it was SCOTT filling up a dog bowl and treating Stiles like a dog as payback for something? 

Nope.

This farce has gone on too long, and fuck your bullshit tactics of trying to weaponize issues you know some of us actually truly care about just for the sake of turning people against a fictional TV character. Why are we acting like you actually give a shit about what was actually wrong with that scene in 3B? You don’t! We have a literal decade of proof! Of you being willing to go to any lengths to defend not just Stiles and Derek’s actions....no, but their RIGHT to be physically abusive with the other characters. Saying that the other characters DESERVED this behavior, that they were JUSTIFIED in the HOW of their specific interactions.

You’ve never tried actually defending Stiles and Derek’s worst moments because you don’t think you have to. You're fine with them.

And then you turn around and act like you actually give a shit about what Scott did to Isaac, when you know damn well that none of us have EVER tried to argue that he was RIGHT to do that, or that Isaac somehow deserved it.

Like. LOL. Fuck off.

Anyway, I’m done with this particular discourse for good, there’s literally nothing more to say because its actually always been really simple all along....but like, free soundbite for anyone who does still run into these assholes and have them try and pull this shit per usual. They raise this argument again, just say this:

“Scott shouldn’t have done that, agreed. And we can talk about that.....after we talk about whether or not you think Stiles and Derek were justified in their worst actions in Heart Monitor, Lunatic, Ice Pick, etc. Otherwise we’re just not on the same page here and never will be, so bye.”

The End.

Anyway, I am literally done with this forever and ever, that is henceforth the only thing I have to say on this subject, everyone feel free to do whatever you will with this post, @ me and I’ll just smile and wave at those in the rear view mirror, its been a long road but at least we’ll always have Paris, etc etc etc aaaaaaand scene. 

[imkylotrash]

Invisible Strings

Pairing: Saul Silva x reader

Request: Silva x human!reader, where she's very oblivious to the other realms but some how or another their worlds collide and when they meet, Silva instantly feels this pull towards her and wants to protect her because she's so pure and cute. Anonymous

It’s a simple enough mission; find the Burned One and kill it before any humans see it. The mission is a success and as he’s walking back to the portal, he sees you. He doesn’t mean to get attached. It could never work with you being from Earth and him being from the Otherworld. He tries to forget all about you but it seems like you’ve taken permanent residence in his mind. Every afternoon he sneaks away and uses the portal to travel to Earth and watch you. He’s been watching you for quite some time now making sure you’re safe. In all honesty, he has no intention to introduce himself but that changes on a Thursday when you notice that once again a stranger seems to be watching you. Today you’ve gathered the courage to confront him and threaten to call the police if he doesn’t stop. You have no idea that he will change your entire world and make you question everything you thought you knew. 

“Why are you following me?” you ask trying to keep your voice steady. You hide your hands behind your back to prevent the man from noticing them shaking. 

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t play dumb. I’ve seen you here every day for the last week. And every time I look over at you, you’re already looking at me. Do I need to call the police?” His face remains neutral but you can tell he’s trying to hold back a laugh. It agitates you that he thinks you won’t report him. 

“Do you think this is funny?” Your cheeks are flushed as he stares at you making no attempt to hide it. It’s like he’s staring right into your very being and it makes your skin crawl. You’re looking at him and trying to remember why you’re angry with him but now that you’re close you can’t deny the fact that he’s handsome. 

“I’m not following you. I’m just visiting the park. Same as you.” He speaks slowly choosing his words carefully. Every alarm bell goes off in your mind. You’ve seen enough Criminal Minds to know the signs. 

“Oh please. You’re always standing in the same place just watching.” He thought he was being careful but you’ve turned out to be more observant than he expected. He doesn’t have an explanation ready, instead he catches himself being baffled by your beauty. He’s always considered humans as weak, people who needed to be protected but with you it’s different. He’s not watching you because he thinks you need protection, he’s watching you because he has no idea how to let you go. There’s just something about the way you laugh, the way you constantly have to tuck strands of hair behind your ear because it won’t stay in place. You’re pure. He doesn’t know how else to explain his attraction to you. 

“You’re right. I have been watching you. In all honesty, I’ve been working up the courage to talk to you.” 

“You’ve been watching me for a week because you wanted to talk to me?” It sounds ridiculous, but your brain has stopped functioning. For some reason, you feel flattered. You know you should leave, but right now you’re looking at him and it feels like coming home. Like invisible strings connecting the two of you and pulling you closer. 

“I don’t have a better answer than yes. I wanted to talk to you.” The logical side of you is screaming to run but the pull is only getting stronger than longer you look into his eyes. After your encounter, he comes back every day just to talk to you. He never pushes for more and you’re too nervous to ask. You share your life story and he shares as much as he can. You instinctually know when to push for more and when he’s shared everything he can. Up until now you’ve never believed in soulmates but he’s making you question that. One day you get the strangest urge to follow him home. He’s been so secretive lately always being vague when speaking about his job or his home. As you think back to how everything started, you reckon it’s only right that you follow him this time. But it turns out he’s a paranoid man who’s always looking over his shoulder making it extremely difficult to stay out of sight. But you manage to follow him all the way to a shed at the outskirts of town. 

“Where are you going?” you whisper to yourself edging closer to a window on the side of the shed. You’re just in time to see him exit through a door but he doesn’t come out on the other side of the shed. A closer inspection tells you that there is no door on that side of the shed. You tiptoe inside the shed taking a look around. 

“Saul?” you call out and then curse yourself for being stupid. If he found out, you’d been following him, he’d probably call you crazy. You can’t even explain why you feel this need to know where he goes when he’s not with you, but you feel like he’s lying to you about who he really is. With a newfound determination, you walk through the very door you saw Saul disappear through. Suddenly, you’re standing in a forest that you’ve never seen before. Curiosity prevents you from running straight back through that door. Instead you take a few steps forward wondering where the hell you are and that’s when you see it. You have no idea what’s running towards you right now, but you have a feeling it’s not that friendly. It’s your scream that makes Saul aware that you followed him. His heart is in his throat as he runs back towards the shed. His nightmare comes true when he spots the Burned One running straight at you. There’s no time to think as he draws his sword and throws himself at the creature. He buries the sword in the Burned One’s chest and for good measure he draws his knife from his belt and stabs it in the head with that as well. 

“Y/N. What the hell are you doing here?” He’s upset and with good reason. You could’ve got yourself killed. He’s about to yell some more when he notices the tears streaming down your cheeks. 

“What was that?” you hiccup trying to control your breathing but the truth is you’re panicking. What the hell just happened? 

“I can explain everything, but right now I need you to come with me.” 

“I’m not going anywhere with you until you explain what just happened!” You take a step back when he tries to reach for you and the hurt is evident in his eyes. You need to know what just happened. You have to find a way to make it make sense in your head. Saul just killed someone.

“Please just come with me. I promise I’ll explain everything, but it’s not safe out here.” Once again he tries to reach for you and this time you let him. 

“Are there more?” His face is stern as he nods confirming your worst fears. You’re trying to stay calm but right now you wish you’d never followed him. 

“Fine.” He drags you with him keeping a steady pace and never letting go of your hand. You have no idea how long you’ve been walking but you reach the edge of the forest where you discover a huge mansion of sorts. Saul calms down once you set foot on the grass field. 

“We’re safe here,” he says but his eyes keep darting to the forest checking to make sure no one followed you here. 

“Tell me the truth,” you say letting go of his hand at last. You’ve regained a little of your bearing and now you’re ready to for him to explain everything to you. And he does. He tells you about the school Alfea, his position as head of the army, fairies and specialist, the realms and how your Earth is under their protection. Halfway through you sit down because your legs start shaking. This is too much knowledge for one human being. 

“You don’t have to remember this. There are ways for you to forget about all of this. You can forget about me.” 

“No!” You don’t even have time to think it through before you blurt it out. Even with all of this circling around in your mind, you know that you don’t want to forget about him. There’s something so fundamentally wrong with the thought of not knowing him. Your outburst earns you the smallest of smiles from him. 

“I know it seems scary, but I promise I’ll protect you. They won’t be able to touch you as long as I’m around.” He cups your cheeks and the intensity in his voice makes you dizzy. 

“You won’t always be there though. Apparently, we truly are worlds apart.” Tears threaten to spill again but you’re trying to keep your composure in front of Saul.

“Move here.” Two words but there’s so much more behind them. You feel crazy for even considering it. 

“You could still visit your world, but I’d be able to protect you.” 

“Is that the only reason you want me here?” It’s the wrong thing to focus on after everything he’s just told you but the question keeps popping up in your mind. 

“I want to keep you safe. I can’t explain it, but I just know when I heard you screaming, I thought my heart might beat out of my chest. You make me want more in life than just being a soldier.” He’s standing close enough for you to feel his breath on your skin and it calms you down. It’s like you’re standing in the middle of a hurricane. 

“I need something better than that,” you whisper feeling the tension between the two of you reach its peak. He leans forward and kisses you. It’s gentle at first, but you’ve wanted to do this since you first spoke so gentle won’t cut it. You run your fingers through his hair and pull making him groan out in pleasure. He lifts you up and presses your back against a tree. It’s like he can’t get close enough. 

“I’ll move here. Wherever you are,” you whisper in his ear and place a kiss on his neck. He’s kissing you again this time more roughly. It takes everything in you to push him away. 

“Not here, not like this.” You want to - more than anything right now - but you know tomorrow you’ll wish you’d waited. He nods taking several steps back. 

“I can have a room set up for you and then tomorrow we’ll go back for your things.” He turns his back to you taking deep breaths. You place a hand on his shoulder to turn him around.

“Can’t I stay with you?” His eyes soften but there’s still the tension between the two of you. 

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” he smirks making you laugh. You’ve never seen this carefree side to you him before but you love it. 

“Let’s get some sleep.”