#because it's gotta be bittersweet right? she can relive the past with him like it's the present because for him it IS the present

[mymarifae]

hey hey so on your post about kanade and her father and what put him in the hospital and the way they wrote that- I'm sure you're right about the stroke and vascular dementia, but maybe they wrote it that way (using words like burnout/overwork) because they were trying to imply something akin to karoshi (death from overwork, like obviously it didn't kill him that's why I said akin to)? Because strokes or heart attacks are often what happens in that instance

I'm not trying to discredit what you said or anything !! This was just always my line of thinking regarding mr yoisaki and I felt it was relevant enough to share my thoughts on why they wrote it the way they did

no that does make sense! i think that's probably why they did it that way too it's just... idk. since he didn't die, i'm not sure using ONLY that sort of wording was the best choice on their part?? because the reality of what happened to him gets kind of lost - mostly in translation probably tbh. like until i saw the scene where he doesn't recognize kanade and talks to her about his pregnant wife and new baby i was baffled as to why he was still in the hospital. because words like "burnout" and "overworking" don't have the same connotations as "karoshi" does. i hope my tone comes across clearly i'm not trying to argue or anything because you're right!! it's just frustrating that the team chose to rely on that when it just goes over global fans' heads because literal translations usually won't carry the same weight as the og text you gotta find different ones 💔 and with as few scenes as we get with kanade's dad like. it's not helping. not enough people understand his situation properly because of this...

[decimcl]

✰  ▫  ◜ ⋆ mercy  :  kai  .

m e r c y . why you gotta show up lookin' so good just to hurt me ? m e r c y . why you hanging on so tight if this ain't working ?

          lonely nights. that is all kai's life currently consisted of.

          he couldn't stomach spending a night with someone else anyway. things had been so different since mina had left him. it was now far into their breakup and perhaps the time for kai to be moving on ... but that was not the case. instead, she was all he could think of. every single thing reminded him of her and it was both painful and oh so bittersweet. kai could never decide if he loved it or if downright hated it.

          he didn't really want to forget her after all.

          he felt nights like these were harder. the ten o'clock beer hitting harder than it used to as he pans the bar, standing in the corner, every single face somehow turning into hers. he didn't know what to do -- he shouldn't be here, but he was. he shouldn't be drinking this much, but he is. he shouldn't be thinking about her either, but, alas, he most certainly is. it is just hard for kai ... why does he feel just as alone in the corner of a crowded bar ?  nothing was helping.

          a girl or two could flirt with him. a girl or two could ask him over. a girl or two could buy him a beer. but a girl or two isn't what he wants. it's mina. it's mina he wants. it's mina he wants to be moving in close to, lips almost touching, hands in places they shouldn't be ... oh, here he goes again, thinking of every night they had spent reliving their first time in this bar.

          and now he thinks of that first night. what he would give to go back in time ... the only problem is that kai doesn't know whether he wants to relive that night once again or whether he would have just walked away upon seeing her coming down the street. he always told her he wouldn't have traded the night for the world, but now that it's over ... well, he can't decide if his feelings are the same. he wants her in his life, but if that night was the catalyst that lead to all of this shit falling apart right before his eyes ... perhaps kai should have just fucking walked away.

          his back presses against the wall, bottom sat firmly in the bar stool in the corner of the bar. the bartender knew him, they also knew mina, and that was where things just got awkward. kai constantly wondered if the bartender asked mina about him -- questions of how is kai doing ?  and where is kai tonight ?  -- though kai honestly can't figure out how mina would react. would she happily tell the bartender things are over?  or would she reluctantly tell them they had broken up ?  would she express her happiness things are over ?  or is she telling the bartender that she wishes things had been different ?  kai could ask ... but he fears too much of what the answer will be and so his lips stay pressed together in a tight frown.

          everything just felt like it was falling apart.

          a man was never supposed to cry but kai felt like tears could fall at any point going through the list of where he could have fucked up. did he not do enough for her ?  or did he just do too much ?  was it his friendship with gil ?  was it that sometimes he could be awkward around eric ?  was it that one time kai fell asleep on her and didn't text her back ?  what about that time he lost his phone and couldn't message her the whole day ?  or the time he bailed on her because he for once thought it would be responsible to do his essay ?  or maybe his mother being an absolute pest drove mina away ? 

          kai's head swirls. all these questions just ... ruin him.

          he finishes his beer, however many he was in now, and he puts his head down on the bar in effort to try and regain his self awareness. he feels like he is spinning, both his head and his heart, and he can't get a fucking break for once. all he wanted was love. all he wanted was to make her happy. all he wanted was to be happy himself and he was utterly robbed  of this when mina had told him it was just fucking OVER. oh god, did kai even deserve this  ?

          it hurts. it hurts and it hurts and it hurts and even after this long kai HURTS. he hurts so much and he wants it to stop. his chest feels heavy all the time. his eyes barely swollen. his body tired. he wishes he could afford to miss more class just to lie in bed and think about the way mina looked when she woke up in the morning. that face flashes through his mind now and he has to blink a few times to keep himself from shedding a tear or two right then. her hair messed up all over his pillows, his shirt snug around her chest, lips and eyes swollen ... ah, fuck.

          it hurts so much.

          kai's hand twitches and it is that want to text her, ask her to come back, tell her he misses her, say he is sorry ... but it is a bad idea; always a bad idea. she is probably tired of the late night pleas to come back. the 4 am call that he wishes she would ask about. the gray dots he hopes she sees of an unsent message asking how she is. and god knows she is probably sick of hearing from eric about how kai texts him all the time asking about her. but if he can't reach the source, he goes to the next best. the next best is barely enough, anyway.

          and he thinks maybe he could text eric but that thought is quickly drowned out of his mind by other thoughts that are disgustingly pounding in his intoxicated brain. thinking about eric leads him to think about gil and thinking about eric and gil leads him to think back about mina and it is a fucking CYCLE  he constantly REPEATS day in and day out and it hurts and it hurts and it hurts and kai is so fucking sick and tired of hurting.

          he has never been enough for anyone. his mother never approved of the first true friendship he had. his father was never around to give a fuck anyway because his job was more important. his parents shipped him off where they knew he would be worse off. gil was never around to help him through college and even when he finally was again, they two weren't the same at first. and even though he felt gil was the only true person he could depend on, his mind still tells him that his best friend wouldn't fucking care if he drowned himself in alcohol until he was passed out on the floor. everyone else had their own life and then the one person he let in even further than gil ... well, she had her own life too, and kai always thought it was with him. turns out it wasn't, and he adds mina to the list of people who disregard him because he can't do anything right .

          kai sits up from laying on the bar because his back starts to give out. it was the last thing he needed on top of everything else. sleepless nights, bottles of alcohol around his dorm, the pile of dishes in the sink, the television he never turned off, the mail scattered out on the counter ... everything was in pieces and he couldn't find the courage to pick himself back up because what was the point of getting his hopes up about something small if even that little thing would eventually let him down ?  he would never be good enough anyway.

          the bartender mutters something and it awakens kai from his trance. he didn't hear what he said and the bartender can tell by the dazed and drunken look in his eyes. nevermind is all they mutter before they slip off with that empty bottle of beer, away from the broken boy who could honestly use some company. perhaps it was a good thing the bartender walked off before kai could order another drink ... he knew he didn't need one and prayed he wouldn't fall asleep in the uber on the way home like he had the past however many times he had called one home from this same fucking bar.

          that pushes him to tell himself it is time to go anyway. with all his sad, pathetic effort, he pushes himself up and his barely functioning feet start to take him towards the door. does he look like a damn fool to anyone who sees him ?  probably. does he care though ?  maybe if he was about five less drinks over his limit. instead he stumbles to the door and tries to keep himself from toppling over the people who block his way.

          oh ... a familiar voice fills his mind ... is his wasted brain playing tricks on him again ?  his half open eyes take one last look around the bar as he has approached the door and that is just when he sees why he hears who he hears ...

          it's mina. and she is here with ... kai barely takes the time to notice. his heart almost gives out at the sight. he doesn't even give himself time to look at what she is wearing, how her hair is fixed, what lipstick she picked out ... no, instead, every single fucking memory of her comes flooding back at once and he pushes the door open with too much strength to stumble out. not only does every memory fill his mind, but every emotion too, and kai wants to be angry and sad and heartbroken and furious and confused and ... and he can't even think of what else TO  be because it is all pounding so heavily in his head ...

          he takes a moment to compose himself out in front of that stupid fucking bar. and in the end, the broken and torn to pieces man just sighs. it is all he can do in public. kai isn't one to get incredibly angry. he also isn't one to be destructive. on top of it, he doesn't have the energy anymore anyway.

          fuck an uber. kai uses his two drunk left feet and he walks himself the many miles home. maybe by the time he gets home, he will forget he even saw her face.

[raspberry-dreams1776]

Avengers: Endgame reaction

IT CONTAINS SPOILERS UNDER THE BREAK SO DON’T READ IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE!!!!

I don’t even know how to begin! So much happened in this movie, you don’t even feel you’ve been watching for three hours. Overall, I think it’s a great movie  with a great ending. There are things I had a little bit of difficulty understanding, so I’ll probably watch it again soon. Only one thing REALLY bothered me and I think I’ll be salty about it for next week or so, but other than that thing I just LOVED Avengers: Endgame.

I was a little bit lost with the whole time-travelling stuff and how it worked (but I always have a bit of trouble understanding time-travelling in books or movies). I don’t know if it’s just me, but some things didn’t make a lot of sense. For exemple, If Present Thor took Mjölnir from Past Thor , how did Past Thor still had it if the timelines were not really changing? How come when Present Nebula kills Past Nebula, Present Nebula didn’t die? Or at the end when Cap went back in time to return the stones, how was it possible for him to live there if his past self was still there? So it’s things like that that made the movie a bit confusing and not so coherent (again, it could just be me not understanding time-travelling), but I at the same time I didn’t really care about those details. At the end of the day, it’s a sci-fi/fantansy movie, so it has its own rules and it can do whatever it want with them. Plus, all but one of my favourite characters ended up having a happy end, so I’m pretty happy with the overall result!

I enjoyed so much when they all went back in time to retrieve the stones. It was like a series of little throwback here and there throughout the key moments. My favourite was when Tony, Steve, Bruce and Ant-Man went to 2012 New York, it was so well done! And when Steve and Tony went even further back in time and Steve got a little glimpse of Peggy...uff my broke for him!

THAT FINAL BATTLE WAS EPIC! From how it started with only the OG (minus Natasha -.-) War Machine, Ant-Man, Rocket Raccoon against Thanos and his gang to how it unfolded with all the superheroes coming back from “death” and Steve saying “Avengers Assemble”. The girls uniting their forces in order to get the gauntlet to safety was empowering and amazing ( though it pissed me off Natasha was not there)!

Other than the main characters, Nebula deserves a special mention! Oh my goodness, she was amazing! You could see she was still hurting from everything that happened to her in the past and how she was trying her best to reverse the Snap! The torture she suffered from Thanos and how accidentally she revealed (through Past Nebula) what the Avengers where planning...I mean, she is a strong character! Had Tony not been able to take the gauntlet from Thanos, not other character would’ve been worth it to do it than Nebula!

What they did to Natasha was unforgivable (see below to know overall how I feel about her)! However, for those who have seen the movie, I don’t know if you noticed the ballerina shoes on a chair after she had the call with Okoye, Carol, and Rhody. I thought i was a nice little detail about her. Also, I loved how she kept putting her feet on the table at any chance she had.

Now about the main characters:

Hawkeye: They begin the movie with Clint’s family becoming victims of the snap. There was an audible gasp in the movie theatre when that happen! I was not expecting the movie to start in that way, and I guess it just set the tone on how the movie was going to be. I really liked the scene where Natasha goes to look after him. It felt like reading a comic book, but in a video format it was well executed. 

Hulk: This new Bruce Banne/Hulk was AMAZING! He was funny, entertaining, good...It’s like he had found the perfect balance between his two self. I think Mark Ruffalo’s personality was more visible in this characterization of Bruce/Hulk, which made the character more interesting. 

Thor: He went for the the head this time, but it did not solve anything because Thanos had already destroyed the stones. Fast forward 5 years later, and he is living in New Asgard with Valkyrie and the Asgardian survivors. He is depressed and not doing well emotionally. It’s like he lost his motivation for life (which is understandable after all he went through) and feels guilty for not having killed Thanos in Wakanda. At least, when he traveled in time to retrieve the reality stone from Asgard he got to talk one last time with his mother and got back Mjölnir. When the final battle happens, his old self makes a come back and the way he fights Thanos with both Mjölnir and Stormbreaker is genius. At the end, he decides he doesn’t want to be king of Asgard anymore and gives the “crown” to Valkyrie and joins the Guardians of the Galaxy in their ships (there’s a funny moment between him and Peter Quill about who is the leader). I hope he is going to have an appearance in the next Guardians of the Galaxy movie.

Captain America: I am so glad and relived with the happy ending they gave him. I was prepared to see him die and I hoped, if that were to happen, that they would give him the chance to see Bucky and Sam at least one more time and that he would die a hero. In fact, I was sure he was going to die and not Tony! We all knew he was worthy of Mjölnir, but to finally see him lifting it and using it in a battle was pretty epic (the whole theatre clapped and cheered when it happen). Throughout the MCU, Cap has been through so much and for him to finally have his dance with Peggy (and marrying her, and having a life with her) was just perfect. As much as  I love Bucky Barnes, I was soooooo happy when he gave the shield to Sam so he could become Captain America. Sam truly deserved it! Really, i could not ask anything more for my favourite Marvel character of all time!

Iron Man: Oh wow! Tony’s sacrifice was just...urgh I don’t even know how to describe it! The growth he’s had as a character throughout the years is amazing. I’m happy he was the one ultimately defeating Thanos; he died a hero! He showed he was selfless, literally taking one for the team and doing whatever it takes to reverse the snap. As for the beginning of the movie, I liked how he bonded with Nebula, They were 23 days stranded in space (if i’m not mistaken) and they took care of each other. I thought his anger at Steve was a little bit wrong. Blaming Steve and telling him he was not there when they needed him is bit harsh. In a way, Tony decided to go to space and fight Thanos (and I’m not judging him for that!) before he could reach Steve. We all saw in Infinity War that right after the battle with Midnight Proxima and Corvus Glaive, Steve and his team went to the Compound to plan the fight. I know it’s a bittersweet ending for Iron Man, who is one of the most beloved characters (if not the most) in the MCU, but at least I tell myself he got time with Pepper their baby girl Morgan.  His memory will always live among the Avengers and the other heroes!

Black Widow: I’m speechless and not in a good way about what happened to her. All I gotta say is: NATASHA ROMANOFF DESERVED BETTER. I’ll write a separate post about Natasha in Endgame because what happened to her was UNACCEPTABLE. I cannot be the only one feeling this way! Her ending and the little screen time she had were the only things I didn't like in the movie, I was so disappointed...