#because it's always happening
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thinking about when my mother said to me that she wants to really make an effort to treat my younger sisters well so that they're able to recognise when they're being mistreated because they'll think "hey! this isn't the way im supposed to be treated" and that's when the penny sort of dropped... that's why im like this?
#because i literally. genuinely. don't. know. any better?#and then trickled in the pain of knowing that i wasn't worth enough to want to treat well#but it's not a dick measuring contest or anything. my sisters are great and I'm glad our mother wants to make changes for them#i truly am#but anyway. at least now im self aware#I've been tearing myself up from the inside wondering why i continuously find myself in situations where im being treated so badly#because obviously it's not everyone else. the common denominator is me#and I've been trying to figure out exactly what I'm doing wrong#my older sister said to me that it's the people that i choose#and i guess she definitely has a point there#but when my mother said this i was like oh.#it's not that i let people do bad things because im a pushover (though that was the case a while ago)#it's because i literally don't know the difference#and im so used to shitty behaviour that i can't recognise when it's happening#because it's always happening#crazy town. big weekend for revelations#i swear to god every time i get sick i undergo a new kind of metamorphosis caterpillar to butterfly style#continuously transform#mine
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#death#death spn#julian richings#julian you and your beady eyes will always mean the world to me#i haven't been feeling well recently so ive been really going back to basics/studying and stuff and this...sort of happened#i was doing skull studies all week and julian's face structure is so so so so so perfect#i feel like it's easier for me to draw old people because you can spot the depression on the cheeks/ zygomatic bone easily#before frollo silco there was death#i don't want to jump back in the spn fandom because that ending was dumb#death and crowley i love you you deserved better#i had no idea mark sheppard had 6 heart attacks btw like i thought it was just one not 6 im so glad he's still with us#make a movie with just death and follow him doing his job because julian is so captivating#spn#spn fanart#supernatural#my art#please dont repost
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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i'm living the dream, in the dream, i'm buried alive two bed grave, one bath, car in the drive mirrored covered windows block the light feeding back reflection distorts life cut connection — jesca hoop
#girlypops your payneland into comfortland. i love it when nothing bad happens to them for twelve minutes max#dead boy detectives#payneland#dead boy detective agency#dead boy detectives fanart#charles rowland#edwin payne#edwin paine#dbda#dead boy detectives art#dbda fanart#painland#paynland#dbda show#OKAY LISTEN this is a lil birthday gift i scribbled for the WONDERFUL @hartigays#i love you (platonic) i love you (so devoted the lines blur) i love you (like a cat loves their nap time and scratching expensive furniture#i just couldn't wait! hopefully you'll see this in the morning and be happy <3#btw be honest. how many of you didn't know i drew. surprise#(it's because i'm always on this damn website and keep the creatures in my wips like a fool)#colored sketch#sketch#drawing#forehead kisses#my art#art#artists on tumblr
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FNAF movie Mike learns Vanessa had dyed hair
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#mike schmidt#fnaf vanessa#fnaf vanny#glitchtrap#fnaf#fnaf help wanted#fnaf ar special delivery#security breach#fnaf fanart#fnaf movie#five nights at freddy's#I like the detail that Ness would dye her hair#but I always wondered what happened to it because AR/HW to security breach#so this is my guess that rabbit got rid of it#glitchtrap HATES a bad bitch winning#I agree with Mike it looks nice on her 🩵
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Pikmin comic
#pikmin#captain olimar#louie pikmin#olimar pikmin#ms paint#beebfreeb art tag#I've really been enjoying the tags I've gotten so far#A lot of ''this is real. this happened'' and so on!#Well you see. That's because I'm always right<3
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Alhaitham likes hugging Kaveh… a bit too much!
#genshin impact#genshin#kaveh#alhaitham#kavetham#haikaveh#kaveh gi#kaveh genshin#alhaitham gi#alhaitham genshin#ness’ art#I headcanon that Alhaitham’s favorite gesture of affection to do with Kaveh is hugging#he is a very simple man#but moreso because he doesn’t want another fallout scenario to happen between them… he severely regrets what happens and so#literally and figuratively Alhaitham doesn’t want to ‘let go’#and he ends up always hugging Kaveh really tightly without realizing it because of this#(much to the detriment of Kaveh’s bones)
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What makes this even more impactful is that we've obviously seen in the pilot the negative effects of a player coming into physical contact with an abstracted being.
The fact that Kinger was actually even able to touch his dear wife at all in their final moments together before she was sent to the cellar 💔
#the amazing digital circus#tadc#kinger#queenie#ragatha#pomni#the mystery of mildenhall manor#god I'm so happy this episode happened#because prior to its release Kinger always seemed to be the least talked about#he was never my favorite but I have so much newfound appreciation for him
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Burning Rotten Bridges
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#mianmian#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#JGY is nothing but outwardly calm and carrying on his duties as the chair for the meeting#but in that small pause after Nie Mingjue commemorates Mianmian for leaving...you can feel the tension.#Because Nie Mingjue comes from a place of privilege. He's always been in a position where his legitimacy and political standing-#-were never challenged. He didn't have to fight for respect. He was born into this world respected.#For people like Mianmian and JGY who clawed their way up from the bottom...this is a huge deal.#Truth be told I have a lot of things to say about what it means and feels to be in a position where leaving is messy.#There are times where the situation is bad but to leave means that those years of your life will have been for nothing.#That all the other suffering incurred will be fruitless. So you just *keep going*. Because it *has* to be worth it.#Because going back to what you were before is even more terrifying than the hell you are boiling in.#My concrete example for this is post-grad academia.#Because that cohort will have spent over a decade pursuing a goal and leaving means...well...it means throwing away those years.#It means losing (likely nearly all) your connections. It means going into debt you'll never pay off.#It means putting up with some pretty heinous abuse from your supervisor because what are you suppose to do? Leave?#Leaving is for those with the privilege to have options.#And even if you do have options...#Ultimately we would rather love the pain we know than risk the unknown. Hoping it's worth it one day.#With that mindset established; never say JGY should have just left like Mianmian. He couldn't. This was what he dedicated his life to.#He never had the option. Even if it seemed like he did - no he did not. He never conceived this ending ever happening for himself.
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The way Mrs Chen and Venom dancing was the last time Mrs Chen ever sees them is...
#the fact she was so calm about venom - only concerned about eddie because she knew due to separation only eddie would be in real danger...#and then she waved them bye because this always happens and they'll be back because they always come back...#just that this time only one of em comes back and hes barely a shell of himself without his other half.#AHHHHHHHHH#venom 3#venom the last dance#venom symbiote#eddie brock#symbrock#tom hardy#venom the last dance spoilers#venom movie#venom#mrs chen#peggy lu#marvel#mcu#sony#marvel cinematic universe
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Messing up while trying to learn healthier coping skills or communication skills doesn't mean your progress ceases to exist.
If you lashed out at someone during an argument instead of using your coping skills, it's okay to forgive yourself. If you reacted based on your emotional urge instead of looking at the situation, that's okay. It happens.
No one is perfect all the time. I think we expect so much more of ourselves. In my case, because I felt so ashamed of who I used to be. It makes me feel extra pressure to "do better". But the reality is, people who aren't in recovery mess up too. And sometimes they may not even notice it.
You don't need to beat yourself up about it. In fact, beating yourself up about it doesn't really help anyone. You can learn from it. Was there something going on that made it harder to use your coping skills? Was there a certain trigger? Maybe a bad day? Take your new knowledge and move forward.
Your progress still very much exists. I promise.
#my post#i failed a lot when i self taught myself skills#i'd use really great communication skills for awhile#and then i'd ignore them to act on my emotions#even now i still mess up#it doesn't happen nearly as much#and i think i will always mess up#because i am human#but i can be accountable#and do better#also like#how i react after messing up is different now too#i apologize#i admit what i did wrong#and i try to do better
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safety first! 🏍️🏍️
#me sitting down to draw a small loose sketch:#im always scared of painting but because i started this off with “just a little doodle” i was able to more loosely slap shit down#and not worry as much and have some fun#which rarely ever happens and i worry too much when i paint#but id say this turned out okay#i did keep it too loose and not figure out details in the sketch stage which had me end up having to figure it out while painting which was#also kind of fun#but i might be more careful next time#sonadow#my art#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#also yes i am not spending 5 hours drawing his fucking bike
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Family Portrait
The only family he has.
#Still always thinking about how he knew all their names years later#Why do I feel the need to do this to myself#You can count- They're all there#I think this is one of the darker things I've drawn#It felt really heavy#Also I'm totally only posting this today because that's when the reaping happens#no other reason#the hunger games#catching fire#mockingjay#I've actually had this idea for MONTHS#like since December#but as you can imagine-it took a lot of motivation#please don't let this flop istg#hunger games fanart#haymitch abernathy#thg haymitch#thg series#katniss everdeen#katniss#peeta#district 12#sunrise on the reaping#suzanne collins#jolly art
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Part two of the reverse verse is here! The reverse boys meet the original boys. They're not really getting along as well as I had hoped...
Again, this was a commission for @i-am-as-normal-as-you-are and they asked for angst/funny vibes... I think it's mostly just angst though. Oh, well...
Part one
#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#edwin x charles#reverse verse#there's a lot i could say about this one#the idea of someone telling edwin he's go to hell is absurd as it is#edwin telling edwin? lmao#the charles... oh they hate each other#reverse charles is angry (he always is) because this other version of himself was spared hell... in exchange for edwin going there?#obviously it doesn't work like that. og charles hadn't even been born when his edwin was sent to hell#but anger is not a rational thing. especially not for this boy#og charles? you don't want to know what he's thinking#i'm telling you anyways#he... kind of agrees. if someone had to go to hell#why edwin? why not him? there is an universe in which that happened#so why not this one? unfair#then again... look at this charles who did go to hell#he's explosive. he's DANGEROUS#he shouldn't be near edwin#if og charles had gone to hell would he be the same? would he be too angry to be trusted? would he be like his father?#and if so would that really count as saving edwin at all?#if this is the kind of best friend poor edwin would end up with?#on a happier note though#physical contact!! reverse charles loves it#i don't have all the details but his hell was on the rage ring so it was different to the dollhouse.#and it was a very violent place so boy loves gentle touches#luckily edwin is more willing to give them to him with each year#i think what the edwins are feeling is a lot more clear#but still would love to hear your thoughts
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Do you have any final theories/desires for Book 7 Part 12?
(slamming fists on table) I DEMAND MORE CHE'NYA
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 12 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 12 spoilers#to be fair i am always in a state of lowkey wanting more che'nya#let him crash cater's pizza party!!!!#i wanna see cater skateboard up that big ol' tower to slam some za with a neon purple cat#truly this is the most radical dream yet#golly. i do try not to speculate too much but the 3-part split has me VERY intrigued#like yeah it most likely is just because hearts has a lot of boys#so it's probably cater and one of adeuce -> trey and the other adeuce -> riddle#but i am curious what's gonna happen after riddle's dream. because we'll have the party all together#and we gotta segue back into malleus somehow...#man i was wondering if the subchaptering of the subchapters was a one-off or if it was gonna be a consistent thing from here on#i guess we're gonna be getting smaller but more frequent drops from now on?#i am into that (keep up the hype!) but i'm surprised that it'll be happening just...around other events#main story has become unstuck in time and is just floating around the schedule now#we're gonna be locked in battle with cater's subconscious while deuce is over there in a parallel timeline trying on crop tops#makes me wonder what's going on in that production schedule...#lemme see those gantt charts twst
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it’s very easy to tell the good satires and pastiches from the bad ones because the bad ones are too afraid to live within the form. like if you are doing work with fairy tales and you are refusing to look closer at the underlying logic and unspoken rules of what can seem at first to be a senseless form, you are not going to create meaningful work. to borrow a turn of phrase originally used by maria tatar, if you refuse to enter “the house of fairy tale” as anything more than a gawking tourist, you will miss the particular order to the way the table is set, the rooms that are locked vs the rooms that are simply difficult to enter, the set of the floorboards and the position of the furniture. whatever you build will then be a gilded imitation of how you believe the house of fairy tale ought to look, the table set according to your educated specifications and every door open. there can be no interrogation of themes from a writer who views the form as beneath them!
#it speaks!#sondheim understood this with into the woods; the deconstruction of narrative itself is able to happen because we are able to believe in ->#<- the fairy tale logic he employs prior to this.#its a kids book but adam gidwitz understood this with a tale dark and grimm!!#cant speak for the rest of the series but that first book uses the absurdity of fairy tale logic to speak about the absurdity of ->#<- adulthood and the pedagogy present in many fairy tales to discuss the ways parents hurt their children.#rule of threes is important but theres so much on my list ive yet to read; always welcome recommendations.#fairy tales#into the woods#<- this comes from musings on how successfully i feel that musical functions so it gets the tag
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