#because it’s lead me to having a very fearful cautious life

[peachysunrize]

The other Woman ⥃ senator! Aemond Targaryen

Summary: you were supposed to be a secret, his temptation in the dark not his scandal after the taste of heaven you experienced together.

Warnings: 18+ mdni! Smut smut, like literally so much smut, p in v, angst (so much angst), age gap (Aemond is 36 reader is 25. It’s not specified but since he’s a candidate he should be over 35), cheating & infidelity, heavy alcohol consumption (one scene), breeding, humiliation (a little bit), oral (f & m receiving ), rough sex, illicit affair, modern westerosi senator Aemond (doing this because I have no idea about real life election and political debates and how they take place and I can change it however I like), near death experience, car accident and driving while drunk, hurt/comfort, happy ending!! English isn’t my first language.

Word count: 8.58k+ (no beta we die like Beesburybury)

A/n: so, this thought was originally a very dark concept, but I changed it because now it’s much more interesting than the first one lol. Long, smutty, angst! The whole political idea is a sideline for the plot but it gives you an idea of what kind of Aemond we’re dealing with! Please reblog and comment and tell me your opinion!

A very special thank you to @namelesslosers for putting up with my crazy ideas<3😭💕

Every time you walk through this hallway, you ask yourself how you got into this situation. Perhaps it was at the first debate when you met him backstage; tall, dark, brooding, and quiet with a lazy smirk on his thin lips, as he pressed a gentle kiss atop your knuckles, side-eyeing your seething father in the process.

Maybe it was when you ran into him at another party, courtesy of being a senator's daughter and getting invited with high-class families. Your father had sent you there, “showing face” he explained, but you knew he wanted information. Aemond had danced around you that night, knowing exactly why you were there, talking and leading you on with conversations in the dark hallway of the mansion you were in.

It could have been the second debate as well. This time, it was not just backstage, but when he saw you in that denty dress you were wearing, he had cornered you and kept his heated gaze on your lips for a hot minute before he reached and pressed his thumb over your pillowy bottom lip.

Does it matter how it started? Certainly not, not when it’s been a good few months since this thing has been going on.

You stop in front of the hotel room; the only suite on the floor. Always cautious, always careful. You’ve been sneaking into this floor for weeks, entering the hotel from the back door to not be seen, taking the workers’ elevator and now, alone in the middle of this red carpeted floor, you ask yours again how you got yourself into this position. And the second you knock, all the worries and fears vanish.

Aemond opens the door, his cigarette burning between his long fingers as he gazes at you. His white shirt is untucked and unbuttoned, his dress pants already tightened by his bubbling desire for you while he waited for hours to get out of his speech and meet with you.

He doesn’t say anything, pulling you in with his free hand, kicking the door shut before he pushes you against it, leaning over you with his forearm on the door and the other on your hip.

“Rough day?” You ask, running your palms over the pale skin of his abs, caressing his chest and stomach as you look up at him through your lashes.

“Your father was unnerving today,” he rests his forehead on yours, breathing in your perfume, “I broke the pen when he started talking about how he’d do everything I wanted to do but better. Who makes a political debate like that? He can’t even stand for what he has planned to do.”

“He has the talent of getting under everyone’s skin, it doesn’t help that he’s a jealous man as well,” you cup his cheek, running the pad of your thumb over his high cheekbones.

“He does, a trait I’m sure I have seen in someone as well,” he bends down, prepping kisses over your cheek, “he told me I was too perfect to become a president. I have no fucking idea what he is after. He talks about me all the time instead of his plans, I think he’s obsessed with me.”

“Pity, I would have loved to see his face when he said that, knowing that the person he called perfect fucks his daughter every day,” you giggle when he bites down on your neck, making you hiss and thread your fingers through his long blonde hair.

“What were you doing if you weren't watching me beat your father to the pulp?” He keeps his assault on your neck, leaving marks and little swollen bites. He breaks away from your skin to take a drag of his cigarette, wrapping his thin pink lips around the paper edges as he inhales the smoke in, a deep hum drumming through his chest when he leans and presses his lips to yours, blowing the smoke into your eager mouth.

You pull him closer, lapping at his tongue while you inhale the burning smoke, moaning in protest when he breaks the kiss sooner than you wished for. You blow out the remaining smoke to his face, biting your bottom lip as you find his good eye taking every inch of you in with his blown and foggy pupil.

“I was buying pretty dresses for you,” you whisper against his lips before grabbing his hand and pulling him gently toward the bedroom, watching with hazy eyes as he inhales another pile of smoke, keeping his eye locked on the exposed skin of your shoulders.

He loves it when you wear dresses that leave your neck and shoulders bare; it’s tantalizing and alluring in the best way possible. They make him lose the tiny self-control he has and let go of his burdens and responsibilities. He likes how free you make him feel, younger and livelier.

“Hmm?” You giggle when he doesn’t realize what question you are responding to, already too drunk on your scent that has his mind in a mush.

“You asked what I was doing,” you guide him towards the bed, “I was shopping for your upcoming party, Mr. Senator. I have a public image to maintain.” “Yes, but not with flaunting yourself like a slut,” he hisses when you push him down on the mattress, and he takes his cigar and puts it out by pressing it on the ashtray atop his nightstand with a bit of difficulty.

“Don’t be mean, sir,” faking a pout, you unzip your dress slowly, knowing how possessive he can get even though you are not his in the eyes of the public, “it’s all for you anyway, I like to see your face when I come with my friends to your mansion, all dolled up just for you but no one can know.” “Ah yes, I often forget how much you enjoy being my mistress,” he says, licking his lips when you kick off your shoes and crawl onto his lap, his large warm palms coming up to rest on your bare hips.

“Don’t put all the blame on me, you said you’d never slept with your wife!” You push him on his back, grinning as you let your nails deep in his soft exposed skin, “You were the one who begged me to sleep with you anyway!”

“Hmm, and I’m glad that I did,” he smirks at you, pinching your hips, making you gasp, “now, I’ve had a very rough day with your father, be a good girl and take my mind off everything else that isn’t your sweet pussy.”

You nod obediently before starting to grind your clothed sex over the tent in his pants, moving your hips slowly but firmly, eliciting a deep groan from Aemond as he lies beneath you with his silver hair spread around his head like a shiny halo. You lean down, leaving kisses over his chest and abdomen as you slowly lower yourself on the floor, running your hands all over his thighs and slim waist, nuzzling your face into his crotch, and looking at him oh so sweetly when he sits up.

Aemond pushes your hair out of your face, running the pad of his thumb over your bottom lip as he watches you prep kisses over the fabric of his pants, fingers fidgeting with his belt, and once you have successfully undid it, you pull it out of the loops and drop it on the floor.

He chuckles lowly when you grab his zipper with your teeth, pulling it down slowly while you stare into his eye — the blue of his iris is completely gone. You pull his pants down when he unbuttons them, lifting his hips in the process for you. Aemond sighs as soon as his cock is free from the confines of his pants, closing his eye as the cool air of the room hits his heated skin. 

“No underwear?” You tease him, reaching to hold his hot and twitching member in your hand, stroking it to full hardness while your free hand rubs soothing circles on his hip bone.

“The weather is too hot to wear anything under these horrendous dress pants,” he replies breathlessly when you lean down and start trailing kitten kisses from the base of his cock up to his tip, humming at the earthy and musky scent.

“And here I thought you were too desperate to give me easy access,” you mutter, taking his tip in your mouth, not letting him come up with a witty answer.

Aemond leans on his elbows, his hand finding its place on top of your head, not pushing down, but just to show you who’s in charge. His chest rises and falls rapidly when you swirl your tongue around him slowly, rubbing the tip of your tongue on the right places that you know make him weak and needy.

He groans, pushing your head down a little; a quick warning for you to remember that a dragon has no patience when the smell of fresh meat fills its senses.

You oblige, taking more of him in your mouth, relaxing your jaw, and guiding him further down your throat with both hands on the base of his cock, stroking what you can’t fit. He angles your face upwards, forcing you to look him in the eye as he fills your mouth and stretches your jaw with his girth.

“I will never get tired of this sight, fuck—” he throws his head back, his exhales getting sharper and deeper, “If only your father could see you like this; his daughter sucking off his enemy like it’s her last meal.”

You moan around him, brows twisted in a deep frown and eyes teary as he pushes you down, bobbing your head along his length at a pace he likes. In return, he rewards you with grunts and puffs of air that rumble through his chest and make you even more determined to bring him closer to his peak, but he pulls you off him as soon as he feels his dick twitching in your mouth, not wanting to come before he fucks you senseless.

You gasp for air when he pulls out, a string of saliva connecting your swollen lips to the head of his glistening cock. He pulls you up by your hair, smashing his lips into yours, pulling you in for a deep messy kiss as he helps you straddle him again. You sit with your knees on each side of his hips, cupping his face in the process while your lips move languidly, fiercely, and harshly. The kiss is full of clashes of teeth and molding of tongues and wetness, something you both enjoy deeply.

Aemond’s hands wander over your naked form, squeezing your buttocks and scratching the dip of your waist with his trimmed nails before he switches your position and lies you down on the bed without breaking off the kiss. Spreading your legs for him, he moves and makes home between them quickly, rubbing his leaking cock to your clothed pussy, growling inside your mouth in desperation.

You pull your lips away from his lips, mouth falling open immediately when he nuzzles his face into your neck and starts sucking and biting on your flesh like a rabid dog, not letting go of your skin until he’s sure there are big and small blue and violet marks littered all over you.

“Fuck, Aemond just—ah!” You whimper when his long fingers rub over the wet patch on your panties, pressing and moving them up and down until you buck your hips to his hand, searching for more stimulation that he is depriving you of.

“Tsk tsk, use your words, darling,” he says, sinking his teeth into your earlobe while he moves your panties to the side, hovering his thumb over the hood of your clit, “how can I give into your every whim when you can’t speak up for you so?” He sounds disappointed, and it only brings tears to your eyes — more tears, considering he had you near crying when he was fucking your face.

“Please, I-I need…” you are cut off by a sharp gasp leaving your lips as Aemond’s thumb rubs around your puffy clit, not giving into your sweet whines and whimpers, not even caring how tempting they sound. 

“Sweet girl, come on, tell me, do you want me to play with your pretty cunt? Hmm?” He asks in a serious tone, too serious for your liking, because when you look up at him with pouting and watery eyes, he tsks again, and you can feel the heat of his thumb near where you need him the most, but his finger is too far away.

“Yes, yes, please—“

“There is my good girl,” he kisses your tears away, finally caving in and giving you what you need, circling over your buzzing nerves gently but slowly, just the right way to have your mind shutting off to the point of the only thought that is left is him and his magical fingers.

You buck beneath him, wrapping one arm around his shoulder and the other one grabbing his waist as he keeps his thumb pressed firmly into your clit, pressing kisses all over your tear-stained cheeks.

“Mmm, tastes so sweet, darling,” he whispers as he licks your tears, pushing a finger inside you as if testing the waters before adding another, scissoring your open for his cock slowly, thrusting them in and out faster than before.

“Aemond, please, I’ve been good!” 

Your voice awakens something in him, something primal and hungry, ready to devour you whole. He groans in response, leaning down to kiss you feverishly, retrieving his fingers from you only to replace them with the tip of his cock, running it up and down against your drenched folds before pressing in slowly.

He pulls away from your lips, giving both of you time to catch your breath and relax as he carves his way within your gummy walls. You both moan in delight as he finally reaches your deepest parts, his hips flush against yours as the two of you try to catch your breath.

Aemond slowly draws his hips back before driving himself forward, knocking the breath out of your lungs as he gains speed. You fist the bedsheets, back arching in response to him hitting your sweet spot rapidly, drawing ragged breaths and little yelps of pleasure from your parted lips.

“So beautiful, fuck, darling,” he groans into your skin, straightening his back a little to hover his face over yours to look at you from a better angle, “I would set this town on fire for you.” “Aemond, I-I’m close—” You gasp when his finger travels down your stomach and reaches the bundle of nerves and starts rubbing it quickly, drawing you closer to your breaking point. 

He isn’t in a better situation either; he is panting with his cock twitching deep inside you as his desire for you overflows his senses. 

His rhythm falters as soon as you clamp around him tightly, gushing around him with a shout of his name, which sends him over the edge as well. He pulls out instantly, ignoring the your whine in protest before he sits on his knees next to your head, stroking his cock with his head thrown back.

“Open your mouth, darling—fuck, there she is, good girl…” he groans when you close your eyes and stick out your tongue, catching the ropes of his cum on your face and tongue. He whimpers out your name, his shoulders relaxing finally, tension leaving his body as he empties himself on you.

“Messy girl,” he taunts you, reaching to pull a napkin out of the nightstand’s drawer, lying down next to you to wipe his cum off your face gently, his other hand caressing your bare stomach and breasts to soothe you through the aftershocks of your orgasm.

“You made a mess out of me, baby,” you say, smiling softly when he leans down to peck your lips after dropping the napkin back in its place, pushing his pants and shirt fully off to join you under the covers.

“Aemond?” you call him, laying your head on his chest when he pulls you closer, “I’m tired of this.”

“This? What do you mean?” he asks, his fingers tracing meaningless patterns on your back while he waits for you to answer him.

“This game of cat and mouse, always sneaking in, my father this my father that… I’m tired of being just a secret.” “You knew what you were getting yourself in when we first slept with each other,” Aemond huffs, “It’ll always be like this, darling. We would have to spend our days away from everyone.” “But Aemond, we can go on dates in so many ways! Please, we can go on a trip to Lys, no one knows you there, and we will leave all of this election and your political worries in King’s Landing!” You try to reason with him, turning around in his arms to look into his eye.

“Sweet girl, he reaches to push a strand of your hair behind your ear, “There is not much time left until the—”

“— election, I know. But you can spare three days to stay with me. Don’t you think it’s worth it?”

“Our lives and future will be ruined if we get caught. It will cause a huge scandal that I and my team are not ready to face. I might become the next president of Westeros, I need to win over your father.” He explains logically, and you feel stupid for mentioning the idea of going out and being seen in public with him.

“I’m sorry, I know… it was a dumb idea.” you avert your eyes away from him, biting your bottom lip as guilt and shame fills you. “Hey, look at me,” he gently switches positions so you lay beneath him again, “I wish we could go on dates and I had the chance to show you off. Maybe after all of this mess, I’ll be able to divorce my wife, but till then…  As long as I have you in my arms, nothing matters.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••

The days pass quickly. You watch your father and Aemond in the news, paparazzi following you and your family around the city bombarding you with questions about things you didn’t care about. Until one day, your father receives an invitation from Aemond Targaryen himself for a party at his house.

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise when your father called you and asked — more like demanding — that you should be the one attending this party. After all, he couldn’t put himself past that hatred to go to this party in his rival’s house. Apparently, his daughter could though, as if it wasn’t dangerous to send you to the dragon’s cave with no support.

You agreed a bit too eagerly, trying to play it off cool and keep calm while you panicked from inside. You’d be saying Aemond again, publicly, without sneaking from a back door, or a secret passageway. 

Choosing a dress wasn’t difficult when you had the design of one of Aemond’s mom’s dresses; a knee-length dress in light blue and off-shoulder with a little cut that exposed your lower thigh, knowing how crazy Aemond would get if he saw you in things he has bought for you.

Your curls fall around your shoulders as you walk toward the main entrance of the mansion, catching the attention of all the photographers and guests. You walk up the stairs that lead to the house, eyes searching for the silhouette of the only person you care for in this messy crowd.

You find him easily; his long hair shines underneath the dim light of the hall, and his tall frame and the champagne in his hands stand proudly among the people who look so simple and boring compared to him.

He is wearing a long deep blue coat with thin silver embroideries on it with a black shirt and pants, and next to him… you just catch the eyes of his wife, Floris Baratheon-Targaryen, who is smiling proudly at the ladies and gentlemen surrounding them.

“Ah, love, look who’s here,” she threads her fingers through Aemond’s, excusing themselves as the pair come to greet you. Floris is beautiful with long black hair and a charming smile — no wonder she is Aemond’s wife, the perfect image of a dutiful wife, “It’s such a pleasure to have you here.”

You accept her hand, shaking it gently before you avert your eyes from her to her husband, locking your eyes with his as you try not to let him see any emotion on your face. You are ashamed of yourself, Floris looks like a kind soul, and you have been having an affair with her husband for months, but even now that you have met her, the guilt and shame are not enough for you to step away from what you have with Aemond.

“How is your father? Not too sour I hope,” he smirks, wrapping an arm around Floris’ waist as he has always done with you in the confines of his hotel room.

“Why would he be sour, Mr. Targaryen? Last time I checked the numbers were quite against your favor,” you reply, thanking the waiter who brings you a glass of champagne, “He made sure I show you his gratitude for the invitation. He was horribly upset for not being able to join us tonight.”

“Well, yes,” he chuckles darkly and you can see how his fingers clench the fabric of Floris’ dress, “He is a busy man, he should be thinking of a backup plan after he loses to me.”

“Is that what you are doing, sir? I assume this party…is your way of gaining support now, isn’t it?”

“Aemond,” his wife utters, smiling hesitantly at him, “maybe you should show our new gallery to her, politics can be a hard topic to talk about in such a noisy place.” “Splendid idea, wife,” Aemond kisses Floris’ forehead while his eye is solely focused on you, “Shall we, Miss?” he offers you his arm, looking around the room to see if anyone is paying attention to you or not.

“I would love to,” you say through gritted teeth, an ugly jealousy bubbling inside you as you loop your arm with his, walking side by side to the new gallery. You shouldn’t be feeling like this, it is not your place to have complicated emotions when you are the other woman.

“After you,” he holds the door open for you, his eye scanning you from head to toe, catching the sight of his mother’s designer dress before he leads you inside the gallery, closing the door shut and locking it from inside.

“Didn’t know you were into art, Aemond. It’s a welcoming surprise,” you say, sipping on your drink while you walk past him, not sparing him a glass as you look at the paintings.”

“You need to work on your emotions, darling,” he says, putting his champagne glass on the nearest table he can find before he makes his way to you, “We wouldn’t want everyone to find out how close we actually are.” “No, Aemond, you don’t want that,” you chuckle in disbelief, drinking the rest of the remaining liquor in your glass before you put it on the same table as he did, standing in front of him with a burning rage inside your eyes, “I want them to know! I’m sick of this, I don’t deserve to be a whore for you in secret!”

“This was what we agreed on!” his voice echoes in the room as he grabs you by the nape of your hair, bringing your face closer to his, “whore or not, I can't bear to lose the elections I have been working my whole life for! And I can’t… I can’t lose you either—” You both turn around when a loud banging sound comes from the other side of the room. You look at Aemond in terror, stepping closer to him before you hear the door at the end of the hall is pushed open. He grabs your hand and pulls you toward a narrow and dark hallway that is attached to the gallery. You have a clear view of the paintings and the waiters who are carrying several drinks together, luckily, it can’t be said for them. They would need to round the corner and bend down a little to find this place. Aemond pushes you against the wall, his large palm covering your mouth as footsteps grow quieter when they leave the gallery.

“Aemo—mmh!” he doesn’t let you finish as he silences you with his mouth engulfing yours in a passionate kiss, his fingers clutching your hips like his life depends on touching you, breathing in your scent, and tasting your lipstick.

“Shh, be quiet,” he turns you around, pressing his chest to your back before he reaches down to pull your dress up to your hips, mouthing at your neck as his hand finds the hem of your underwear.

“We shouldn’t do it here, Aemond, we might get caught!” you hiss at him, gasping when he pushes your panties to the side, running the pad of his fingers along your slit, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of your face.

“I thought you wanted everyone to know about us, hmm?” He teases you, letting go of your wet folds for a second as he unbuckles his belt, unzips, and pushes his pants down enough to pull his cock out.

“Not like this!” You sigh desperately, hands bracing your weight on the wall when he lines his leaking tip with your entrance, thrusting his full length inside you with ease.

He slaps his hand on your mouth again when he is completely sheathed inside your warm and dripping cunt, muffling your noises as best as he can before he starts thrusting into you with abandon.

In his mind, you look too beautiful, too gorgeous and breathtaking, and the longer he looks at you, the more passionate he is about driving his cock inside you, fucking you with all his love and adoration.

“You make me go fucking crazy,” he nearly growls, his hips pistoning against yours as he nuzzles his nose into your cheek, eye closed and cheeks painted pink. He pushes two of his fingers inside your mouth, his own lips parted as ragged breaths and throaty groans fall from them. 

You are a mess just as he is; eyes closed, hips moving with each of his abandoned and reckless thrusts, while your body floats in pleasure. It’s quick, sudden, and mind wrecking; you come with a muffled scream around his thick fingers, and he follows you as soon as your walls tighten around him, squeezing the cum out of his cock.

He presses you to the wall, groaning and panting as he fills you to the brim, his teeth catching your earlobe while he tries to ground himself with all the euphoria running through his veins.

“Aemond,” you pull his digits out of your mouth, resting your head on his shoulders as the two of you try to regain your breaths, heartbeat slowly dropping back to normal.

“Lys…” he says, and you crane your neck to look at him in confusion, “Pack your bag for a few days.”

“What?” You ask, eyes wide and hopeful as you stare at him, he grins in response, planting a sweet kiss on your lips, “We’re going to Lys.”

“Are you serious?” 

“Deadly,” He winks at you and pulls his softened cock out of you slowly before he makes himself presentable again, his hands finding their place on your hips once again, “now, don’t sulk anymore. You’re too lovely to be upset because of me.”

“I was not sulking, but… but what about the paparazzi? The election? Are you sure?” You shake a little, maybe both in fear and excitement before you cup his face, staring into his ocean-blue eye.

“Shh, don’t fret, I have thought about everything. No one knows who we are and we’ll stay in a yacht. I have talked to Cole to get it ready for us.”

“You… you are amazing, Aemond!” You crash your lips to him, pressing several kisses to his face, leaving careless red marks on his pale skin.

“Anything for my girl,” he whispers against your lips, chuckling as you keep your assault on his face, “but we should head back to the party. I’m sure they’re looking for me.”

“Yes, yes, of course!” I laugh a little before fixing your hair and sneaking out of your hiding place.

“I’ll meet you outside, alright, sweet girl?” He asks you, pecking your lips before pointing to one of the paintings to make it seem you are still busy looking at the new art hanging on the wall while he unlocks and moves out of the room.

Floris finds him instantly, moving towards him with a man who follows her as well, eager to meet him. Aemond clears his throat when they reach the door of the gallery, pulling him into a conversation he has no choice but to join.

Oblivious to him, his wife’s eyes catch the faint red lipstick stain under his jaw.

•••••••••••••••••••••••

If you were told that this country was this beautiful, you would’ve never believed them. Everything is brighter in color, people have no clue who you are which makes everything much more exciting.

You’ve been in Lys for two days already, fucking on every surface of the yacht, quickies in different places around the city, sightseeing, and spending time together.

It was all you’ve ever wanted from this relationship; some peaceful alone time as a couple, not as a secret.

There is a weird feeling of being watched by someone that has been with you since you stepped inside the city as if someone is following you around. At first, you thought it could be a photographer who somehow caught sight of you and decided to make money out of it. But again, no one knows who either you or Aemond is…

You don’t pay attention to it, but the feeling is still with you as soon as you step on the deck of the yacht, your sundress moving with the wind as you gaze over the sea.

“Not very thoughtful of you to leave me all alone in the bed,” Aemond says, walking towards you with his hands in his pockets, “I missed you already.”

“That’s good to know because I’ve missed you too,” you turn around, moving to the cushions that are secured to the deck before lying down on them, stretching yourself as he stands tall above you, “more so your mouth.”

“Insatiable beast,” he calls you, “what have I done to deserve you?” He drops on his knees and crawls towards you, a wicked grin on his face as he reaches your ankle, grabbing and pulling you towards him with ease.

“Your mouth is a miracle, I’ve been blessed to witness it with my own eyes,” you match his tone, spreading your legs for him.

As soon as his eye falls on your bare pussy, he lets out a long sigh in delight before latching his mouth to the flesh of your thighs, kissing and nibbling as he makes his way up to your center, flattening his lavish tongue against your folds, licking a fat stripe of your wetness before humming and kissing your clit.

You lay back, letting him take care of you slowly, building your pleasure until you break under his touch. He starts with slow licks and kisses, making lews sounds as he gains his speed, fingers digging into the fat of your thighs while he keeps you in place.

Throwing your head back, you moan his name, fingers tangling themselves in his soft silky hair as he speeds up and shoves his face further between your thighs, his large nose nudging your clit in the best way possible.

You open your eyes and look around; the view is mesmerizing. Next to where you are is a huge wood that separates the city from Aemond’s private dock, yet the greens of the trees don’t catch your attention but a sudden flash of light does. It happens again, this time a bit faster, a bit closer. It could be anything, maybe a reflection of light, and you desperately hope that is the case and the flash doesn’t belong to a camera.

Luckily, Aemond’s tongue distracts you from your thoughts, and you arch your back when his thumb joins the patterns he is drawing on your nerves. You look down at him, catching the raw emotions that dance in his eye; adoration, love if you dare say. Soon, when he makes you come, all the thoughts of those mysterious flashes are gone, and only pleasure is left for you to focus on — the knot he created, snaps, and ecstasy rushes in your blood.

“Baby,” you pull him up, chest heaving with delight as your legs stop shaking, “I think I saw someone.”

“No one is allowed here, don’t worry, sweet girl,” he says between kisses on your chest as he makes his way up your stomach to kiss you.

“But it looked like a camera flash,” You kiss him back slowly, lying on your side to face him, “Are you sure no one can go past your guards?” “Yes, please, don’t think about it. It’s just you and me, darling.”

Oh, how wrong he was.

•••••••••••••••••••••••

It’s been twenty days since the last time you heard his voice, twenty days of agony and pain. You were caught, you did not imagine things. The day you arrived at King’s Landing, you saw the news; your pictures from your trip with him were all over the internet, the moment on the night, the kissing in the sea, wandering in the city — your illicit affair was publicized. By whom you have no idea. Maybe Aemond’s wife, maybe your father, but at the end of the day, nothing hurt more than when after days of trying to contact your lover, he broke everything off with a single text from his assistant. 

After that, your parents cast you aside; your mom screamed at you while your father cheered in victory. After all, those pictures caused a huge scandal and rift in his rival’s team. He didn’t care what would happen to you as long as you didn’t do anything like this again that would result in his downfall. They closed your bank accounts that they had access to and left you alone on your own. Fortunately, you weren’t too dependent on your father’s money and had persued a career to pay for your necessities, but now, none of it mattered.

Your days pass numbly with hundreds of calls and texts to Aemond. There is nothing left inside you willing to get up and do something, to fix this mess even a little, to pull yourself out of this deep hole you have dug with your hands. 

You read the text again as you curl on the loveseat, sobbing and clutching your phone to your chest. Mr. Taragryen has no interest in being involved with you anymore, and the more you read it, the more your body ache for him. It feels like a knife being shoved inside your chest, twisting and ripping your lungs in the process while you melt under the sharpness of it, taking it because you have no choice left but to do so.

You did it to yourself; what were you thinking? How did you ever think that getting involved with an important man was a good idea? A married and much older one at that. Now you scroll through the leaked pictures with a heavy heart and silent tears running down your face. The headlines are cruel, far worse than you had ever thought about.

Whore of a daughter wins the election for the father!

Aemond Targaryen cheats on his wife with his rival’s daughter; several intimate pictures have been caught during their visit to Lys…

Aemond Targaryen, an honorable man seduced by a younger girl, WESTEROSI reports…

You throw your phone on the floor, nearly falling from the loveseat from how aggressively you move. You want to scream from the top of your lungs, to curse and shout, but it was your idea to go somewhere, for him to take you on a date. It is all your fault.

The doorbell rings and startles you. You get up immediately, thinking it must be your parents or one of your friends to come and check up on you, but when you open the door with bloodshot eyes and find Aemond standing there, your knees nearly give out.

“A-Aemond?” you stutter, eyes watering at the sight of his messy clothes and hair — he looks just as fucked up as you.

“Oh, my sweet girl,” with one step, his arms engulf you in a tight embrace, and you cry. Fat ugly tears run down your face as he holds you close, his own tears falling after days of being apart from you. He couldn't stay away, he had to come and see you. Every day without you felt like a lifetime, never-ending torture he had to endure while Criston and his mother did everything they could to save his public image, and Floris, well, she was quite content with everything.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you…” he presses several kisses to the crown of your head, holding you incredibly close to him as he leads you back into your house, shutting the door behind him. You have your arms wrapped around him, holding onto his shoulders as he sits you down on the couch, making sure to pull you into his lap so you won’t feel alone again.

“Aemond?” you ask, your voice so little, so fragile that it breaks his heart into million pieces.

“Yes, darling?” he lifts your head, his thumb wiping your tears gently while he shushes you, watching your lips tremble in disbelief, “Tell me, tell me what I can do to make you feel better.”

“Why did you let go of me so easily?” you ask, fiddling with the collar of his shirt, “I was so alone, I-I am alone, I have no one! How could you—” you hiccup, a sob wrecking your body as you talk.

“I had to, sweet girl, I had to. My public image, my campaign, everything was near destruction if it weren’t for the distance between us. I had to do it.”

“I lost everything, Aemond! My parents, my friends… I was called a whore, your mistress, a side chick. You nearly lost everything, I did lose everything!” you gasp for air as another wave of pain spreads in your chest.

“What can I do for you, darling? I’m here now, I’ll do whatever you wish for me to do, please,” he begs, the first and probably the last time you’ll hear Aemond Targaryen plead for something.

“I love you, Aemond, please make the pain go away.”

He leans down, capturing your mouth in a slow kiss, painting his devotion on the canvas of your lips as he moves them together. He feels you relax in his arms when you start kissing him back. He lies you on the couch gently, never breaking the kiss as he sucks the breath out of your lungs with each passing second that e tastes you.

You melt under his touch, the fingers you adore so much move along the length of your body. His lips let go of yours for a second before he hovers atop you completely and brings you in for another deep kiss. His fingers are cold against your heated skin as they move your shirt upward, to eventually pull the fabric off your head. 

He breaks the kiss to trail his lips to your neck, leaving butterfly kisses all over your jaw and collarbones as he moves lower until he reaches your bra. He circles his hand to unhook it, and he does, he pushes the strap on one of your shoulders down slowly before he stops.

Aemond stops.

Your heart drops to the pit of your stomach as he moves his face away from your shoulder to kiss you fiercely for a hot few seconds before he pulls away, shaking his head in shame.

“Ae-Aemond, why did you…” “No…” he says, a few tears fall from his remaining eye as he gazes at you past his wet lashes, “I can’t do this.”

“What do you mean?” your voice quivers, and Aemond stands up immediately when he hears how broken you sound, leaving you half-naked on your couch, “Aemond, please!”

“I can’t make the same mistake twice,” he mutters as he moves toward the entrance door, “I still have a chance. I can win the election, I can—” “A mistake? Do you truly feel we were a mistake?”

“I am sure we were. We have ruined our lives for what? For sex, for lust?”

“For love!” you scream, holding your hand to your chest to prevent your bra from falling, “I didn’t want anything from you; not your money, not any status, I wanted you, just you.” 

“I can’t do this—”

“Aemond, please, no!” You cry out running to block his way, “Don’t go, please, don’t leave me again. I can’t take it if you leave me all alone, I have lost everything for you! Please, please—”

He cups your cheek, pressing one last lingering kiss while his own tears fall on your cheek, “Goodbye.” He moves past you and leaves.

“NO!” you break down and fall on your knees, and for once in your life, you feel truly helpless.

•••••••••••••••••••••••

You don’t remember how long has it been since that day; it could be a few days, or months. You don’t even remember how you got into this dingy dirty bar close to your place. It’s dark and gloomy with a heavy rain thrumming outside the window while you drown your sixth shot of bourbon. 

You are not an alcoholic, in fact, the only time you drink is at parties and formal events. Tonight though, you need to let go and unwind for a bit and unfortunately, in a very apathetic mood, you decided that drinking was the best option. 

The lovely bartender glares at you when you ask for another shot but doesn’t say anything and does as you ask, keeping a close eye on you to make sure you’ll be alright.

You keep staring at the rim of your glass, eyes filled with tears and sorrow until someone slides into the stool next to you. Looking up, you see a familiar face, Aemond’s wife. What is she doing here? Does she want to taunt you even more? To make sure you are suffering far worse than she did? “I see you are adapting well to the new changes,” Floris says, pointing at the bartender to pour her whatever you are drinking.

“Are you following me now?” you scoff, drowning the amber liquid in your glass, “Wasn’t my public humiliation enough for you?”

“You were fucking my husband, of course, it will never be enough. You should suffer for how you ruined his reputation,” she looks at you, waiting for you to come up with a witty reply.

“He said you never slept with each other…” You whisper in response, “He loved me.” “How fucking naive you are. He never loved you, he lied to your face and you still defend him,” she sneers, running a hand through her wild black curls, “He used you, it was all a part of his plans. You were just a pawn in his game.”

“He didn’t… he-he…” you take a deep breath, not wanting to cry in front of Floris of all people. He didn’t do these things, Aemond would never do that to you. He has no reason to, or does he?

“Do you truly think these numbers just go up and down because of the citizens? Aemond changed them to his liking, he has never had the intention of winning this year. He wants to be remembered so he may come back stronger than before and take over Westeros—”

“You don’t make any fucking sense! Leave me alone,” You stand up to move away from her, but she grabs your arms before you have the chance to run away.

“He used you to gain information from your father’s campaign! I just helped him speed things up by hiring those photographers,” 

“It was you… you ruined my life,” you pull your hand out of her grip, “You destroyed everything he has worked so hard for! How could you do this to your husband?” “He was cheating on me!”

“So were you! You were cheating too!” you yell at her before grabbing your purse and running out of the bar, crying hysterically. Nothing makes sense, you don’t know how you held that conversation for so long. What she said or what you replied repeats in your head, but it’s all a blur, a mess of words and echoes of high-pitched screams.

You reach your car, stumbling on your feet as you get in with some difficulty. Driving while awfully drunk is not a good decision, but you must get away from Floris, the bar, and everyone. Firing the engine, you pull the car out of the park, driving past the speed limit into the alley without looking around you.

You can’t see, you can’t hear, and all you can do is speed up while heavy tears fall from your eyes once more as you think about everything you shared with Aemond. Was any of it real? Were you a silly fling for him to gain information?

Suddenly, the sound of a horn catches your attention, and you see the light of another car coming your way. You try to break, but every time you press the pedal, the car doesn’t stop. Each time you fail, and you realize too late that you’ll either crash into the other car or you try to do something. 

But time isn’t always on your side, and the last thing you see before blacking out is how your car hits the tree and the airbags open.

•••••••••••••••••••••••

Aemond bolts through hospital doors, repeating your name until someone pays attention and shows him the way to the ER. As soon as he reaches the end of the hallway, the doctor steps out and tries to calm him.

“How is she? What happened?”

“Calm down, sir, she’s alright—“

“I need to see her, please, let me go inside—“

The doctor declines, grabbing Aemond’s shoulders when he tries to step inside the room, “She’s under anesthesia, she probably won’t be up until noon. She has lost so much blood, two broken ribs, and a minor head trauma. She’s lucky she’s alive.”

The doctor leaves him alone, and Aemond slides down on the hospital floor, resting his head on the wall as he thinks about how terrible you must have felt when he left without any further explanation.

He cries softly, shoulders shaking with each sob that shocks his body. He’s not known to be a vulnerable person, but ever since you came into his life, he’s been changing; a bit softer around the edges of his heart, he smiles more, he relaxes more often than not, and he’s been much happier. But now, the thought of you going through such a horrible thing while he was away sleeping in his bed makes him hate himself even more for what he put you through.

He totally forgets about the elections that are taking place today, he can’t care less about what would happen, it means nothing when he can’t have you next to him. He declines every call from his mom and assistant, only sending a text to say he won’t return for the day.

His heart pops out of his chest when he sees the nurses pushing your bed towards one of the rooms.

“How is she?” He asks, looking down at your unconscious body. How beautiful you look even with bruises and wounds over your face.

“She’ll be fine, sir,” one of the nurses says, “all she needs is rest and good company.”

“When will she wake up?” He swallows, watching them closely while they hang your serums and connect different tubes.

“Hopefully in a few hours. Her body has experienced too much trauma and she should take as much rest as she can.”

He nods in agreement, waiting for them to leave before h breaks down, reaching to hold your sofy hand in his, kissing all over your knuckles and fingers, whispering praises of how he’ll cherish you and won’t leave you ever, he won’t put you through what he did again. He falls asleep with your hands in his, dried tears adoring his high cheekbones. He feels a soft hand reaching to wipe the remaining wetness, leaving soft caresses over his skin.

He opens his eye, finding you smiling softly at him as best as you can while fighting the pain. He sniffles and presses his lips desperately to the back of your hand, thanking the Seven for bringing you back to him.

“Hey,”

“Shh, please, don’t talk. You need to rest,” he reaches to push your hair out of your forehead, letting his fingers linger on your face for a little while before he holds your hand again, “what happened?”

“Well…” you cough, wincing in discomfort and pain before you continue, “I got drunk and…your wife came. We argued, she said some…nasty things about you…”

“What did she say, sweet girl?” He asks hesitantly, keeping his lips locked to your hand, “Don’t push yourself too much. If it bothers you—“

“She sent the photographers,” you sigh, closing your eyes for a moment, “she confessed it herself. She sent them because she wanted to help you. She said you didn’t want to win the elections, that you…you just used me to gain information on my father’s doings.”

“I would never do that, love, I would kill myself rather than ever thinking about hurting you.”

“But you did, Aemond. You hurt me when you left me at my house like garbage needed to be dumped. I was so alone, everyone left me, why does everyone leave me?” You ask, teardrops streaming down your cheeks.

“I will never leave you again, I’d never make the same mistake twice.” He reaches to wipe your tears gently, minding your injuries.

“You called our relationship a mistake too, Aemond…”

“I was angry at myself for not protecting us, for not filing the divorce papers sooner!” He says, desperation dripping from his words like honey, “I needed to step away, to convince Floris to be done with this marriage. I’ll be yours forever in a few days.”

“You… you’re getting a divorce? You just lost the election and-and you’re… how are you not freaking out, Aemond?”

“Because none of these matter as long as you’re with me. You brighten up my world, sweet girl. My life orbits around your smile and I can’t… I can’t let go of you again.”

“I won’t be your affair anymore, n-not your other woman…”

“No, sweet girl, you’ll be my only woman.”

[bouquetface]

PAC: Your Future

Not every reading you come across is going to be for you.

Tarot is read of current energies. Tarot does not mean something is set in stone especially for general reads. You can always change paths.

So for those reasons, take it as entertainment.

Titles & photos have very little to do with the content btw

1-2

one.

You spent many years feeling stuck & trapped. You imagine a life where you’re free. You may have goals of living in a city - somewhere far from home. You want to be unreachable from your current life.

In the future, it appears you have moved far away. You could be working or studying. You will know if this reading is for you if you have interest in biology, health, fitness or a physically active career. This career definitely requires higher education. You may be 25 when this happens or it takes place in 2025.

In the future, you are satisfied because you have finally achieved the goal of leaving.

The downside you still feel empty inside. Building a new life in this new place is not easy. You are either not close with your family or you want to do things independently. When issues arises (ex: car/transportation problems, a surprise bill/expense, etc) you have no one nearby to call. You struggle a lot.

However, it feels necessary. You must mature. Become independent, teach yourself the necessary skills to survive in life (cook, basics of laundry/cleaning, surviving on a budget, basic car or public transportation knowledge, etc).

Occasionally, you feel fear. I sense a deep pit in the stomach kind of feeling. You may experience a scary situation - being robbed, being followed, etc. Or it may simply be a fear because you know these situations are a possibility.

As I said wrote earlier, you will struggle a lot and there are a lot of tears. You will adapt but the questions - Did I choose the right path? What will become of me? - are consistent.

You will have a few acquaintances through work and/or school. You don’t seem very close to any of them. It seems everybody already knows everybody. Everybody prefers someone else over you. This can change over time.

However, effort is required. Effort is required for all of this to turn out positively. If you fail to teach yourself how to survive, if you fail to do well at your job or in school, this could easily lead back to your current state - 4th H Card: hometown, parent’s house.

If you adapt & survive, I see your personality transforming. You will be more independent/self reliant, you will feel deeply proud of how far you have come.

In romantic life, possibly due to the stress and fears of being lonely in this city, you will begin to desire a protector. You will lose interest in other types of guys like the nerdy, artsy, skater types, etc. You want someone who is intimidating. Someone who scares any possible threats away. This could be sub conscious. This may not even be a change in your type, you could already want this kind of partner. Either way the desire for a protector is extremely strengthened.

Now, be cautious because I feel some of you may accept a toxic person. Excuse their behaviours because you simply don’t want to be alone. The early part of this year - having moved & learned to adapt - was extremely transformative & possibly traumatic. You don’t want to go back to that dark phase. Keep in mind, your romantic partner has potential to be just as much of a predator as some rando on the street. Choose wisely is my advice. Don’t jump into a relationship because you’re lonely - although you will be tempted. Don’t stay in a situation that isn’t safe just because it has become comfortable.

two.

Similar to pile one, 5 is important either in 2025, in 5 years or when you’re 25.

You will be hearing “congratulations”. If you’re in a relationship, you will be getting engaged. If not, you will soon meet someone. The energy here is very stable and traditional.

You will have graduated from your schooling. You will have a stable job. Your person will choose this time to propose. The summer after you graduate is significant. This chapter in your life is so joyful. Everything you manifested is/has come to fruition. You’re so excited. Smiling so much it makes your cheeks hurt. Everyone around you is so happy. You or your best friend may love to organize and plan (Prominent Virgo or Libra placements for this person). They’ll help make your dream wedding day a reality. The wedding hasn’t happened but everyone is celebrating you! (Prominent Leo, Gemini or Cap placements).

There is a lot of earth energy to this reading as well. Your wedding or proposal may take place outside. You and your spouse could be athletic people. Enjoy a lot of outdoor dates - camping, lakes, beaches, biking, etc. Life is going absolutely perfect for you, pile two.

However, there is a very youthful energy here. You two may still be young - mid 20s(?). So of course, you’ll get some making hateful/judgy/jealous comments 🧿 But I don’t see this even bothering you one bit. You are simply too happy and focused on yourself and your loved ones. Good for you pile two! It hasn’t been easy for you in youth to not let other’s opinions affect you. You’ve definitely grown.

One important thing that keeps reappearing is an older feminine is so proud of you. It may be your mother, grandmother or mother in law. Your family is so proud of you. You archived everything you said you would - school, career, marriage. They’re definitely calling people to brag about you. If you have a sour relationship with your mother, by this time it really seems like all is resolved. Real growth & maturity. Lots of love.

[fxirybun]

🪷 PAC: your platonic soulmate’s personality

this is a collective reading ! take what resonates and leave what doesn't. i cannot guarantee 100% accuracy. take the pac reading lightly ჱ̒ ｰ̀֊ｰ́ )

ෆ⸒⸒ pile one 🥀

hello there pile one ! your platonic soulmate is someone who's giving a bad bitch energy and doesn't allow themselves to be taken for granted. whoever this person is i feel that they have a powerful energy within them , it's like if someone wants to bully you your platonic soulmate is more than ready to throw their hands at them lol.

i can see that their tongue is as sharp as a knife , a metaphor for how direct their words are and how others would think that your platonic soulmate is very harsh or domineering. they're outspoken and aren't afraid to voice out their opinions since they believe that their statement holds truth in it.

this person has a confident presence within themselves and i'm getting that they may be into manifestation. it's as if they can turn all their ideas into tangible plans because they have this inner willpower to create those opportunities and they have the right equipment to turn their desires into a reality. due to them having a wide variety of skills , people are jealous of them and would do the means to bring your platonic soulmate down.

this doesn't stop them though 'cause they're the kind of person who seems to thrive in a competitive environment. it allows them to exert more bold effort since your platonic soulmate wants to prove their enemies wrong.

ෆ⸒⸒ pile two 🪻

hi , pile two ! i'm getting a hint that your platonic soulmate may have gone through a terrible heartbreak in their life and how it brought them a baggage of emotional pain. this experience made them more cautious when letting someone enter their life. regardless of past wounds , they know how to deal with this lingering pain through means of healing. it also allows your platonic soulmate to be wiser and more empathetic.

i feel that they're someone who has a layered personality , similar to an onion. in addition , this person is presumably able to face any havoc that will come their way. they can be both compassionate and courageous simultaneously and how they are being perceived as a source of support for others due to their encouraging words.

they seem to be the kind of person who appreciates forming a mutual connection with others. i sensed that your platonic soulmate is currently in the process of learning to let go of the heaviness that they've been carrying in their back. whoever this person is , they seem to tend to take too many responsibilities that lead them to overcommit.

the good news here is that this person is releasing all this pressure that they're feeling because they're striving to create a balanced life where they are not overwhelmed. they garnered the strength to withstand the mist.

ෆ⸒⸒ pile three 🦋

hello , pile three ! i can see that your platonic soulmate is someone who just goes with the flow. their personality reminded me of that one student in class who's labeled as the "joker" due to how unhinged or funny their jokes are lmao. they love to spread positivity to the people around them including the environment itself , making them the kind of friend who is fun to be around.

this person is not afraid to explore the unknown just so they can go on board for new experiences , not allowing fear to gain control over them. despite their carefree personality , your platonic soulmate knows how to be serious when it is needed , especially in situations that are not for the fainted heart. this person is aware of balancing their free-spirited nature and their mature side when it comes to confidential matters.

i feel that your platonic soulmate is someone who cares deeply about their loved ones , especially those who are considered dear to them. they have this gentle approach and seem to know how to comfort someone in troubled times. this person is an expert in trying to connect to someone on an emotional level.

i kept hearing the lyrics "you've got a friend in me" from the movie toy story and how it resonates with this reading about your platonic soulmate. you can always rely on them , pile three ! as i'm getting this ride or die , bonnie and clyde , best friends for life dynamic.

[abyss-is-lame]

ZZZ headcanons part TWO: ships, sexualities, and pronouns edition

if you're just interacting to hate, dni with this post! (also there might already be canon ships, i have not finished the game yet) - Belle X Nicole: hear me out okay- 'barely hanging on business' owner x a girl in a bunch of debt, what could go wrong amirite? /ot These goobers are so painfully gay and trying to keep their relationship a secret, but literally EVERYONE knows they're together, and when they reveal the 'surprise' that they're dating, everyone's just like "whoa thats crazy i didn't know." Also they cause so much chaos - Anby X Nekomata: These little shits are my entire life force. Anby will go out of her way to make time in her schedule so she can go get food a sea food restaurant to give to Nekomata if Nekomata's hungry, no hesitation, will get anything her girlfriend desires. and Nekomata will pay her back by curling up on her lap and sleeping - Ellen {adult} X Rina: Ellen has anger issues and the only way to control her is Rina physically holding her back to stop her from starting fights lmao. Rina treats Corin like her daughter because of how fragile Corin is, and so Ellen has decided she's Corin's other mom. Why? idk - Wise: something about Wise radiates either violently gay, or aroace and i honestly can't tell. He/They - Belle: Omnisexual, loves everyone with a slight fem lean, is the kind of person to see a pretty person walking down the street and falling in love instantly. She/Xer - Billy: Gay. Just violently, violently gay. He/It - Anby: Questioning, can't tell if she likes women, men, both, or every gender, confused as hell. She/They/Xem - Nicole: Lesbian, average woman enjoyer and we stan cyber so very much. She/It/Cyber -Nekomata: Pan! she also hits people with pans if she so desires. She/They/It -Grace: Lesbian, also radiates insane girl energy and we love her for that She/Her -Koleda: Biromatic asexual, has absolutely 0 relationship experience. She/Claw -Ben: Aroace, doesn't really care about relationships much and isn't interested in having one. He/It -Anton: *jumps down from a counter* "I'M GAY" He/Him -Ellen: Disaster gynesexual. That's it. lmao- She/Fin -Rina: A bi ✨queen✨ fr She/Her -Corin: Questioning, is just trying to function like a proper human and doesn't have the ability to think about it too hard She/Her -Lycaon: Demisexual, is pretty cautious by nature and doesn't trust easily, likes every gender tho He/They/It -Soldier 11: Lesbian demisexual, has the fear instilled in her that dating without knowing someone very well will lead to betrayal. She/Her -Soukaku: Aroace, doesn't care about relationships just wants food. She/It

[softxsuki]

i wanted to know for the urgent request if it could be for the obey me! boys, mammon, levi, satan, asmo, and barbatos when reader has been really down and depressed and even told them they thought about committing so they comfort them for it? i haven't gotten any comforting recently and i love your writing so i was hoping you could do this :( <3

Obey Me Boys Comforting Reader With Depression

TW: PLEASE DON'T READ IF MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION, SELF-HARM, AND THOUGHTS OF SUC*DE WILL MAKE YOU FEEL WORSE RATHER THAN COMFORT YOU. THANKS

Pairing: Mammon x Gn!Reader, Levi(OM) x Gn!reader, Satan x Gn!reader, Asmo x Gn!Reader, Barbatos x Gn!reader

Warnings: mentions of self-harming and old/new scars, depression, and mentions of reader wanting/thinking of taking their own life

Genre: Comfort

Post-Type: Headcanons

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: In which the boys find out that MC is feeling depressed and thought of taking their own life, and that they also self-harm, so they provide MC with comfort in their own way :)

[A/N: Kya!!! Thank you so much for trusting me with your urgent request! I hope I did an okay job with it. It's been a little while since I last played Obey me, so I cam very much behind with it (and I'm stuck on the regular game bc I can't level up mu cards fast enough. rip) but I really hope this brings you some kind of comfort. I'm here if you ever need anyone to talk to if if you just need someone to listen to you. Feel better soon <333]

Mammon:

Mammon notices the sudden change in your mood straight away since he’s always around you

He does his best to try and cheer you up without directly confronting you about it

So he’d invite you out with him and might even spoil you with pretty things in hopes that using his money on you helps distract you from whatever you’re feeling

But that all changes when he sees your self-harm scars

Fear fills him and he knows he can’t just avoid the topic anymore, he doesn’t want to see you in pain or have you harm yourself anymore

So one day when you’re out with him in town, he softly takes your hand and leads you to a bench away from the hustle and bustle of the town

He’s a little cautious, he’s not really good with being direct about his feelings, especially not with you because he gets so nervous and this was serious…he was scared to mess up

“Y’know MC…I may not be the best person to go to about troubling things in your life, but I want ya to know that I’m here for you. I…don’t want to lose you. Actually, I can’t lose you–never. So maybe things are hard for ya right now, but you’re one of the most important people in my life. Your problems are The Great Mammon’s problems as well, so let me in, won’t ya?”

He’s awkwardly rubbing his neck now as he feels his face heating up, but at least he got everything he wanted to say out

So when you do open up to him about your depression, self-harm, and thoughts of taking your own life, he feels relieved that you are finally speaking about it with someone, but he’s also scared that you’ve been feeling that way and he had been trying to ignore it for so long

He’s scared to let you out of his sight after that, so if he shows up to your room at 3am with a spare pillow, you know why

Mammon’s always inviting you to his room as well so you can watch stuff together until you fall asleep

Extra clingy Mammon who’ll probably bug you about how you’re feelings every few minutes, but at least you know someone cares

You’d find all your issues slowly dissolving as he covers you with love and attention, just don’t block him out

Leviathan:

Oh boy, Levi is very overdramatic when he finds out what’s been going on with you

He’s beyond scared to lose you–you’re his only best friend after all, the one who truly understands him and cares for him unconditionally

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t realize MC. I’m such a good-for-nothing. I can’t even tell when the person I care about the most is going through a tough time. Y-you’re amazing MC! You’re one of the best people I know, unlike all these other normies out there. You’re always so kind to me and I just hate that I couldn’t be there for you when you needed me…”

Yeah, he’s definitely beating himself up about it because how could he not realize???

“You’re always here for me, that’s why you’re the only one I felt comfortable telling this to. Please don’t blame yourself…I kinda didn’t want anyone to know at first; I thought I could deal with it on my own…” You’d explain to him

He’s a little relieved to hear it, but it still won’t make him feel any better

Levi is always throwing himself in the ground, so not being there for you at a time when you really needed him AND when he could have potentially lost you, scares him to death

Like Mammon, he keeps you by his side, but in your room since he sleeps in his tub and that’s not very comfortable for you LOL

He’d move all his games and game stations into your room and make a little base there to stay by your side until you’re feeling better

He probably goes to one of his older brothers who are more responsible like Lucifer or Satan and asks for their advice (without giving you away ofc. He’d make it sound like one of his online friends are dealing with this issue since you only trusted him with this info)

He’s very awkward and shy at times, but he’s glad that you trusted him to let him in on the pain you were feeling internally. He makes it his mission (literally, like he’s playing a game, but knowing that it’s far more serious) to get you back on your feet and in a better mental state

And we all know Levi is good at games, so this is one he won’t fail either :)

Satan:

Satan reads a lot, books of all genres, so he picked up on your sudden change in behavior very quickly and he’s actually the one who goes to you first to talk about it

“What’s going on?” He bluntly asks one day when you’re in his room reading with him in a peaceful silence

That catches you off guard…did he know? You could see the serious look on his face so you decide to just open up to him about everything; the depression, the self-harm, and even the thoughts that flash through your mind of taking your own life

Satan listens silently as you speak, taking in all your words and you see his eyes soften the more you reveal to him

“I see…” he’s lost in thought for a moment, but then stands up and walks over to you, taking your hands in his as he leaves a gentle kiss to the back of your hand. “I knew something was up, but I wanted to hear it from you before I assumed too much. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way. I’m here though, and now that I know what’s going on, I’ll do anything and everything I can to ensure you feel better.”

And he really will

Whenever you come over to his room to do your daily reading together in each others presence, he spends his time reading books on mental health that give him plenty of advice on how to best help you

He isn’t overbearing though, he gives you your space and allows you to reach out to him whenever you need him, only checking up on you when it seems appropriate so you don’t feel suffocated, but deep down he is worried and scared to lose you

So he offers you his own help, but also asks if you’d like to go to the human world to see or speak to a professional who might be more helpful to you than he could be

He even volunteers to go along with you if you don’t want to go alone–he just wants you to be happy again to not feel so claustrophobic in your own skin

Whatever you decide to do, just know that you have his 10000000% support

Asmodeus:

This man is very dramatic as well, but in a different way than Levi…

He throws tons of compliments your way in hopes that they help lift you up, but really, he’s better at giving physical acts of care

SO, your self-harm scars? He goes out of his way to wash them up and lotion them up, pressing small kisses the the older scars and newer ones as well

“Even with these marks, your skin is still as soft and beautiful as ever, darling. My lovely MC, I’ll do everything I can to take care of you from now on. I’ll pamper you everyday and remind you how much you mean to me, so please don’t harm yourself any longer…”

Asmo isn’t one to be very serious at times, but he knows now isn’t the time to joke around with you, so he’s uncharacteristically very serious, yet still as charming as ever

He’ll treat you to extra tight hugs and kisses, a little scared to let go in fear that he’d never be able to hold you again, so bear with him a little…he can be a bit suffocating

He isn’t the best listener or remarkably great at giving advice that doesn’t have anything to do with fashion or beauty, so he’d probably go to Lucifer for help, or maybe even Solomon, who’s more familiar with human emotions like depression

Anything you need or want, Asmo will get it for you

Get ready to feel more loved than you’ve ever felt before in your life

Barbatos:

He knows…of course he knows, Barbatos knows everything 😀

The first time you attempted to self-harm, he was there to stop you, so you never even got the chance

What he didn’t know about though was your thoughts of attempting to take your life, since you never actually made the move to do it, you only really thought about it

So when he sits down with you to hear you out about attempting to self-harm and you open up about your other darker secrets as well, he’s shocked

Momentarily, it’ll show on his face, but he’ll catch himself and gently smile to you as you continue to speak your mind

He doesn't want you to feel embarrassed by any of this or to beat yourself up for getting caught or for feeling what you feel–you were human and humans experienced moments of intense emotions that they can’t control sometimes, he understood this very well

“Oh dear MC, I am relieved that I was able to stop you this time. Though, I must admit I do feel particularly regretful that I am not able to read minds so I could put your own mind to rest from your dark thoughts. Now that I am aware of everything, I shall do my best to assist you in recovering mentally”

He’s not the most emotional guy out there, but you know he cares for you and when Barbatos dedicates his time and attention to something, he WILL get it done

Barbatos takes your hand in his and presses a delicate kiss onto each of your fingers, and leans his head onto the back of your hand, in almost a way that he’s ready and willing to serve you (not that he didn’t already, but it’s more of like his own way of physically showing his dedication to you??? Does that make sense? KINDA like when a knight is knighted and vows to protect whoever he’s assigned to??? Am I making sense? hopefully…)

He doesn’t need to keep an eye on you because he’d be able to stop you anyway if you ever decided to do anything drastic, but he does free up time in his busy schedule to be with you, he’s dedicated to serving Diavolo, but you very quickly become his number one priority (you already were, but he was never aware of it himself lol)

I don’t know, but I just feel like Barbatos is such a soothing person to be with, his voice is like silk, it wraps you up like a warm blanket and feels like a big tight hug when you need it the most

SO I imagine you’d feel better pretty quickly with all the attention he’s giving you, and the warm tea he makes you????! You’re set for life, get ready to feel brand new

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 7/11/2023

[fandom-imagines-stories]

Resurrection

Aramis x Reader

Words: 2968

Part One

Summary: With the shocking reveal made only to Athos, the musketeer struggles to keep the reader's survival a secret from his grieving companions. Her motivations for keeping Aramis away become more complicated than Athos initially thought. Aramis and the others hunt Visage.

Notes: Surprise surprise another one of my imagines had to be split up because I cannot write short form to save my life. I hope you guys enjoy!

More Musketeers imagines: HERE

-

The fine lines of the weapons matched only the motions of the swords themselves. You squinted against the warm, summer sun beaming down on the courtyard while the flurry of men before you laughed and clattered away with their practice. 

Porthos lunged with his sword and Aramis expertly ducked out of the way. Your lover caught your eye and winked at you, flourishing his hand with victory. You set down your charcoal to applaud, but Porthos was quicker, landing a punch to his stomach when he wasn’t looking. Only half-strength, of course, but you could hear Aramis’s surprised grunt nonetheless.

“You’re proving to be quite the distraction you know,” a voice playfully scolded. Athos sat beside you with a brow raised in a teasing arch as he examined your work. 

“All the better then,” you replied, finishing a sweep of motion on the page. “He should learn to not allow his mind to be taken from the fight, correct?”  

Athos chuckled. “Right you are. In fact, Aramis should be thanking you. It’s an excellent learning opportunity.” 

“You just enjoy seeing him lose.” 

“Well,” he smirked, “only every once in a while.” 

A giggle escaped your lips, making him laugh as well. “You’re terrible.” 

“You’re the one sitting here with your sketches and your pretty smile, batting your eyelashes at him while he’s trying to focus,” Athos laughed. 

“What are you two talking about?” Aramis called, holding his hand on his newly sore middle. 

“Nothing, darling!” You waved. 

He shrugged and resumed the practice, taking on D’Artagnan now. 

“That’s very good,” Athos said, looking over your parchment. “The swords almost swing right off the page.” 

“Well thank you, monsieur. That’s very kind.” You grimaced, watching Aramis take yet another blow from the youngest of them. “Are you sure this is all just for fun?”

“Oh yes. You have nothing to worry about, mademoiselle. He just needs help… concentrating.” His eyes followed yours, trying to hide his amusement. “I assure you, we shall return your paramore in one piece.” 

“Perhaps I should go.” 

“No no.” He held back a laugh. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” 

-

Athos arrived at Pinon with a swimming mind and a cautious heart. He dismounted and handed his horse to the stablemen of the inn Y/N had written on the back of her letter. Allegedly. He’d already thought of the multitude of punishments for whoever plotted this if it all turned out to be a ploy. 

The musketeer surveyed his surroundings and swallowed his discomfort. Memories flooded his thoughts, but he pushed them back. This wasn’t about him. This was for Y/N. 

He pushed open the door. The small group inside all turned their heads. Athos scowled and didn’t say a word. 

“Can I help you, monsieur?” A woman wiping her hands on a rag asked. 

“I was sent a letter from a young woman,” he spoke slowly, his suspicion clear in his voice. “She told me to come here.” 

The woman’s eyes grew wide, realizing who he was, and a dark glare overtook her features. 

“This way, Comte,” she seethed. 

He opened his mouth to object to the title, but she was already leading him up a set of stairs. Athos took a deep breath and reminded himself why he was there. A level head was required, especially with the three reckless mourners he left in Paris. He feared the only way to save Aramis from himself was a miracle. 

If this was all a ruse… 

“She asked for you, sir, because she trusted you to have done what she asked,” the young woman said. Her tone still held nothing but contempt for him. While he did not blame her, he knew no amount of frustration could make him even think of returning. She put a hand on the door and stayed there. “I have not been so hopeful,” she snapped. “This woman is in no condition to be caught up in any more musketeer problems. If you’ve done anything to upset her-”

“If you are stalling because of a lie, I promise, you will pay dearly for it,” he growled. His patience- and his hope- were waning thin. 

Just then, the door swung open, pushed by a gloved hand, and every doubt was banished from his mind. Athos beheld you with a sigh of relief that was cut off by a sharp inhale of shock. The marks on your face had started to heal but were still very prominent. You crossed your arms so that your hands were hidden from him. To him, the worst of it was in your eyes. The brightness he’d once known, the fire and passion he’d always admired about you, had gone, replaced by a darkness he wouldn't wish upon his worst enemy. 

He said a silent prayer that Aramis and the others found Visage soon, despite the dangers. 

And made it hurt.

-

Aramis moved like a predator on the hunt, with a fury in his step that the other two almost struggled to keep up with. While they hadn’t the faintest idea where to start, Aramis led them toward Y/N’s old apartments, paid for by Madame de Visage before she died. Both had seen the humble, but comfortable establishment before. Now, it loomed over them like the shadow of death. 

Whatever darkness they felt, however, didn’t seem to deter Aramis in the slightest. Instead of going to the door, he went to the side of the apartments where a younger man tended the small stable where Y/N’s horse awaited an owner who would never return. 

Before the other two could stop him, Aramis took the young man by the scruff of his neck and threw him against the wall. 

“You!” He boomed, arm at the other’s throat. 

The young man gulped and a wave of terrified realization washed across his features. Porthos and D’Artagnan exchanged a glance but did not move to stop the interaction. 

Aramis leaned, lowering his voice to a low, threatening hiss. “You lied to me. You told me that the woman you worked for- a woman who’d been nothing but kind and generous to you- had left to marry a man she hated. Why?” 

“I-I don’t know anything-” The man stammered. 

Aramis shoved away from him, took out his pistol, and fired. The brick beside the stableboy’s head burst in a cloud of stone dust. The young man screamed, ducking away from the blast. Aramis rushed him again, pinning him back. 

“Tell me!” He demanded. 

“Please, I-I don’t…”

Aramis fired again, this time at the ground by the man’s foot, close enough to graze the side of his boot. Tears flowed down the man’s face in terror. 

“Aramis,” D’Artagnan said, stepping forward. “Maybe he doesn’t know anything.”

“He told me she left me,” Aramis growled. “He told me that Y/N had married Visage and wanted nothing more to do with Paris. He failed to mention that Visage killed her, but he knew. He’s working with the bastard and I want to know. Where. Is. Visage!” 

The young man stared at him, wide-eyed and sniveling. He wiped his dripping nose on the back of his hand. 

“I didn’t know he was going to kill her. I swear. He told me just to make sure she didn’t leave the room and to not let anyone in until he got there, and if you came looking to tell you she was gone. I didn’t know. I swear! I’ll help you, I promise. Just please. Please don’t kill me,” he sobbed. 

Aramis froze and felt as if the man had stabbed him through the heart.

“She was alive?” He gasped. “She was there?” 

“Y-yes, but Master Visage told me you were the one going to kill her. I thought I was protecting her, I swear, I would never do anything to hurt Mademoiselle Y/L/N.” 

Aramis couldn’t hear him. He just stumbled back, clutching a wound to his chest that didn’t exist. 

“If I hadn’t been so quick to believe…” He muttered. “If I had only looked and persisted and tried…” 

Porthos reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Aramis-”

Aramis’s eyes snapped up, full of tears. “I could have saved her?” 

These words sunk into the group like fangs into flesh. Aramis’s broken stare settled on the ground while Porthos and D’Artagnan paced behind him, keeping careful watch in case he reached for his weapon again. 

“I-I might know where you can look for him,” the man whispered, drawing all of their attention. He gulped. “I may not know where he is, but I know where he talked of going with…” 

“Spit it out then,” Porthos barked. 

“He said something about finding the man Mademoiselle Y/L/N was, um, seeing-” His eyes flashed fearfully to Aramis. “And camping outside of the city for a few days while they searched for him to keep a low profile.”

“He could still be anywhere.” D’Artagnan kicked at the dirt. 

“I’m sorry, that’s all I know. He said he would not rest until the musketeer died a slow and shameful death.” The man trembled as Aramis stepped toward him again. He loomed over the younger man, planting a fist against the wall. 

“Then let him find me,” he seethed. “Let the coward come crawling and he’ll get what he wants.” 

He turned on his heel and, as swiftly as he came, hurried off into the street with his worried companions running after him. 

-

You were frozen, despite the rush of relief in your chest, and found yourself leaning against the bedpost for support. The pair of piercing blue eyes across the room stared into yours in shock. You’d welcomed him into the room with a silent nod and the two of you had stood like this for what felt like an hour. Eventually, you both worked up the courage to speak, words tumbling over the other’s. 

“Athos-” You started, cut off by his stunned exhale. 

“You’re alive.” 

You stood for a moment longer, feeling the nerves in your limbs replaced by elation. 

With the tension between you ceased you hurried to close the space between you, throwing your arms around the reserved musketeer. Athos held you cautiously, afraid that if he moved, you’d disappear. 

“Oh, Athos, I can’t begin to tell you how nice it is to see a familiar face,” you cried against his chest. 

When you pulled back, your face, though bruised, brought joy to his heart. You may have been a broken image compared to how he once knew you, but you were alive. You were here. Putting his own relief aside, he thought of Aramis. His friend’s suffering did not have to continue. Athos knew that, once Aramis saw you and held you in his arms, he would be whole again. 

As if reading his mind, you stiffened in his embrace. “You came alone, didn’t you? The others, they don’t… he doesn’t know?” 

“Though I can’t understand your insistence on keeping Aramis away,” Athos sighed, “I didn’t tell anyone of your letter. He, Porthos, and D’Artagnan are likely still hunting down Visage as we speak.” 

“You didn’t try to stop him?” You gasped. “Visage has countless men at his disposal and all of his mother’s fortune, not to mention he’s the foulest creature I’ve ever met.” 

“Which is exactly why it would be pointless trying to talk Aramis out of it. We hardly convinced him to let us go along as it is. Visage has already tried to kill him once- an ambush at the edge of the city- and fled when we arrived. I’m hoping his cowardice will not wear off before we return and we can have the upper hand.” 

You stepped away, beginning a restless pace back and forth across the room. Your fingers fiddled with the gloves on your hands, a habit you’d swiftly developed since putting them on. 

“Athos, I’m not sure that I can… that I’m ready to…” You trailed off, eyes trained out of the window at the graying sky.  

Athos tried to hide his shock. “You don’t want to go back?” 

Your head lowered. He observed scratches on the back of your neck from when you’d been pinned against the tree. He also noticed your attention to your hands and how they trembled. 

“What about Aramis?” Athos asked. “If you had any idea what this has done to him-”

“And I would do anything in my power to save him from that pain, I would,” you cried. 

“But you can!” He stepped toward you, allowing his frustration to get the better of him. 

You stepped away, shoulders hunched and face contorted with a flash of fear. It was only for a moment, but it was enough for the guilt to hit him.  

Athos sighed, composing himself. “If he could only see that you’re safe…”

“But I’m not safe, am I?” You crossed your arms, more protective than defiant. “I may have survived, but I’m not safe. Not from what he’s done to me.” 

He nodded, letting an understanding silence fall between you, and held out his hands to take yours. 

You gulped, slowly removing your gloves one finger at a time. 

Though more healed now, the flesh of the back of your hands was still scabbed over and a dark, bruised color. Two of your fingers had reset slightly crooked. To anyone else, it wouldn’t have been noticeable, but for you, it felt monstrous. As if Visage had taken your body, the very tools of your heart, and turned them into something ugly and wrong. 

Athos placed your hand between his, holding it just tightly enough for you to feel the emphasis of his words. 

“He will pay for what he’s done,” he said. “And we will never let anything happen to you. I promise you that.” 

He again pulled you into his arms. When you parted this time, you sat on the edge of the bed, pulling your sketchbook into your lap. You gazed down at the image of Aramis, with his dark eyes and loving smile. 

“Things used to be so simple,” you sighed. 

“I’m afraid it’s never simple,” Athos chuckled. “Especially when it comes to loving a musketeer.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Speaking of Aramis…”

You ran the tip of your finger over the paper and set the book aside with an exhale. “He’s going to do something stupid, isn’t he?” 

“I imagine so.” 

Putting your gloves back on, you grabbed the pistol you’d gotten from Jeanne. You held it with a fire in your eyes that Athos knew would find its mark. 

“Then we’d better go help him.” 

-

“He will be here soon,” you whined, burying your face in the crook of your lover’s neck. You wanted nothing more than to stay tucked in his arms for forever, but your patron had insisted that you meet her only surviving family. 

Aramis chuckled, pushing you back to kiss your forehead. The two of you were tucked in a corner of the library in Madam de Visage’s Paris estate. You thought that the lighting here would be perfect for a painting you were working on. Aramis had gladly joined to have a break from training.

 “I’m sure it will be fine. You’re fond of Madame de Visage, aren’t you? Surely her child can’t be too dreadful.” 

“But he isn’t a child. He’s a rich young man who is looking for a wife.” You raised a brow. “And his mother has made more than enough hints as to whom she’d like to see him marry.” 

“Ah, and you think, because she has been such a good patroness to you, she expects you to return the favor?” He moved around the back of you, wrapping his arms around your waist while he watched you paint. “You could just tell her about us.”

“Excellent idea,” you snorted. “Delphine, I’ve put that apartment you rent for me to good use for frequent rendezvouses with a musketeer. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled.” 

“You make it sound so unromantic,” Aramis pouted, his mustache tickling the skin of your neck as he trailed kisses from the nape of your neck to your shoulder. “Just play nice with the son, make it clear you aren’t interested in marrying him, and I’m sure things will return to normal.” 

You set your brush aside, unable to focus on the painting with your growing nerves. “That’s easy for you to say. Your entire existence doesn’t depend on someone else.” You took a seat on the chaise, letting your head fall into your hands. “Every day, I worry that she’ll bore of me, that she’ll find I’m not as talented as she once thought, and that she’ll decide to stop providing me with the life that I have. And then another part of me realizes how ridiculous I sound. I’m a poor painter living like a duchess. What right have I to complain?”

What right have I to deny her son? You thought, but couldn’t bring yourself to say. 

“Oh, darling,” Aramis sighed, draping an arm over your shoulders and pulling you to his chest. “Regardless of what Madame de Visage feels, you are without a doubt the most talented artist in Paris. And you will always have a place, even if it means I have to use months of my commission to ensure it.”

You nestled closer to him. “That’s very sweet of you, but I have bought your dinner more times than I can count, my love. I don’t think we would fare well on our own.” 

He opened his mouth in mock offense and you laughed, pulling his lips to yours. He had one thing right. You’d always have a place in his heart and he in yours as long as you both lived. 

[dairydaycat]

☆Hey, I have Moomins OCs!☆

My first encounter with the Moomin universe didn't go very smoothly. The very first cartoon I saw was a Soviet puppet cartoon. And I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I was extremely scared then! The cartoon was intimidating, obscure, mysterious. And with such a visual, it's not surprising!

I think I saw a series about a comet then. And I was extremely frightened by this atmosphere of the fact that something terrible and unknown is about to happen, with this music and some kind of echo in the voices of the characters. Since then, I vowed not to watch anything related to the Moomins, for fear of repeating that unpleasant feeling. However, then I met my beloved Jessie! She was familiar with the old cartoon in 2D graphics, which is considered a classic. I myself became interested, and, having nothing to do, since I was in the hospital at that time, I asked my cousin to bring me her book about Moomin. It was a collection of original translated and adapted stories that were quite interesting to read! And while I will always have this feeling of mysterious pressure deep down in my soul, I found this world extremely pleasant, as well as the animated series that I looked at later.

Sniff is my favorite character. I like his design and cautious nature, I think he is a nice guy! However, I didn't see any more Sniff-like creatures, so I decided to create my own! This is Scrap. He doesn't have the most pleasant personality. Rough, harmful, but with a soft and even sweet soul.

Meanwhile, my girlfriend came up with a little mumrik girl Yuta. She is the brightest, bravest and sometimes brazenest girl you can meet! She quickly became the focus of the forest she settled in, and was even able to befriend Scrap.

I also came up with other characters in this wonderful world. The Doctor is a rather strict and serious Moomin. He lives in the distance, leading a reclusive life. He likes peace and quiet, and therefore the sudden appearance of Yuta became a bright flash of fireworks! At first, he drove her away and grumbled, but, realizing that she was alone at such a young age, he took her in. The third character was Yuta's uncle, Juxafi. A fun-loving and playful adventurer, an easy-going sailor who brings his niece a bunch of gifts every time he sails by. Mumrik would like to take his niece with him, but Moomin Doc prevents this, saying that she is too young, and this klutz cannot take care of her. And finally...

 ¸.☆¸.♡.¸• Jakar • ¸.☆¸.♡.¸ 

I don't know why, but out of all of them, he's become my favorite. Cold and unsociable, he is the complete opposite of his brother and even his daughter. He prefers to spend time alone, enjoying the beauty of nature and the singing of birds. Jakar's legs are pulling him into uncharted paths because he can't just sit still. He is a wanderer who sometimes likes to return to familiar places. Who knows what is on the mind of this taciturn and mysterious mumrik? He can't stop, even for his own daughter.

I also have profiles for Art Fight, if anyone is interested in reading more! Jakar: https://artfight.net/character/3030088.jakar Juxafi: https://artfight.net/character/3031400.juxafi Moomin Doc: https://artfight.net/character/3031929.moomin-doc

Thank you for reading this incredibly long post about my silly characters!

[chirxlity]

SATSUKI KIRYUIN

CW: KLK spoilers, mention of: compulsory heterosexuality, physical & emotional violence, s-xual trauma, CSA, SA, r-pe (for the sake of better background and context about this anime & about Satsuki story)

About her character and why she is stone femme headcanon for me.

SATSUKI

This character does not have this cold, strong but sharp and fierce appearance as a random addition of traits just for the sake of fanservice. Her physical appearance and her personality traits are polished and calculated, yet she is pretty vulnerable on the inside and has a huge and rich inner world. She is acutely smart, a powerful strategist, a good and strong leader with the kindest heart I've ever seen in a character apparently so cold, stubborn or even despotic. But we have to keep in mind her upbringing and that she did what she had to do in order to survive because her main goal was to save the world and protect her closest friends. She wanted to free them as well as she wanted to free herself. But... from what?

SATSUKI'S PLOT

about her plans, goals and what Ryuko meant to her

Satsuki had such important goals: she wanted to free humanity (and herself) from the biofibers and the tyranny of her own mother, who was working with them to subjugate all the people on Earth, but she also craved to avenge her father and sister for what Ragyo did to them, so she fought for revenge but also for love. In the end, all that she wanted was to protect the ones she loved the most. 

Satsuki believed she could lead a revolution against Ragyo and the biofibers by using the power she had as her daughter against her. She took advantage of that power and the fear it inflicted on everyone to build a hierarchical system based on The Law of the Strongest and blind obedience (basically she militarised the school), and then she started to ‘colonise’ other schools to gather an army. She did this to trick her mother into thinking that she was working for her because her empire was much larger and stronger, so she had to be very cautious or else the chances to defeat Ragyo and the biofibers would be even lesser. All of these factors led her to repress her thoughts, feelings and emotions.

But when she met Ryuko, her plans started to change a bit: she saw a lot of potential in Ryuko and wanted her to get stronger and surpass her from the very beginning. She felt that Ryuko was something more, not just another soldier that could help her defeat Ragyo once and for all, and she wasn't wrong about it: later on they found out that Ryuko was that little sister Satsuki and Ragyo thought dead and that Isshin Matoi was actually Soichiro. He raised Ryuko and hid her from Ragyo with the hope that, one day, she would defeat her and the biofibers.

When these facts were revealed, Satsuki knew everything changed: she could trust someone of her own blood, she could finally have her dream family: one that she'd have built, one that she'd have chosen, one that would have truly and deeply loved her for who she is.

NONON

Now we have to talk about Nonon, Satuski’s best friend and (implicitly) lover, the only person who knew her best and could fully trust: this character can come across as an irritating or pedantic girl, but that’s just the surface; she acts tough the only way she knows just because she wants to show that she’s strong and the most important person in Satsuki’s life. I find it so heartwarming that even though the rest of the Elite Four are respectful and loyal towards Satsuki, it is Nonon that better understands her boundaries, and they treat each other as equals. Nonon is not just another subordinate to Satsuki (and never was). I think that because of this and her appearance (small, cute, etc) she wants her value as a fearsome opponent to be acknowledged, and that's why she acts so sassily and arrogantly (a thing which I personally love about her).

Nonon always finds the courage to fight and never gives up whenever Satsuki is near her; she feels the need to protect her, and she is always willing to carry all the weight if that means Satsuki will be safe and sound. 

She is the one who always took care of Satsuki’s deepest wounds but also her dreams, and is the only one who knows best the pain Satsuki had to endure in order to save everyone. Both of them shared their dreams and hopes with each other when they were kids, and since then Nonon took care of hers as well as Satsuki took care of Nonon’s. 

JUNKETSU

It is hard to talk about Junketsu and what it felt like his relationship with Satsuki and Ryuko to me right after talking about Nonon, but it has to be done if I want to illustrate why I headcanon Satsuki as a stone femme. 

Junketsu is, first and foremost, an allegory for compulsory heterosexuality. He was the symbol of the chastity/virginity forced upon the future bride and spouse, Satsuki (we have to remember it was Soichiro the one who told this to her, that Junketsu was going to be her wedding dress). So it was the underlying expectative of defeating Ragyo by sacrificing her will to Junketsu that her father put on her shoulders, one of the reasons that kept her from loving Nonon freely, openly and wholeheartedly, maybe the main one because Ragyo simply wanted the whole subjugation of her daughter, her complete devotion to the biofibers cause, while Junketsu was just a tool for both her father and mother that would force Satsuki to do the will of one or the other.

But even though Junketsu was just a tool, Satsuki had to wear it on all the time, which means that Satsuki was living constant situations of rape; after all, whenever Satsuki dressed Junketsu and tried to activate him, she endured a lot of pain and ended up very weakened from resisting Junketsu taking full control. And the thing here is, although Satsuki willingly wore Junketsu, that doesn’t mean she had another option. As I said, this suit was made to control her and Ragyo used it later to control Ryuko too. He, as the symbolic husband, tried to tie them up to heterosexuality at some point in their lives. 

So as we can see, Satsuki didn’t want to wear any biofiber cloth, she had to use them and let herself be used by them in order to save the whole world and set everyone free.

CONCLUSIONS

I think it is well pictured that Satsuki truly cares about people but felt she couldn’t trust them because of how the world was built by her mother and the biofibers, and also how Ragyo treated her with so much despite at the same time she emotionally and sexually abused her (it’s so obvious that Ragyo is a child abuser and a paedophile). But Ryuko was key to help her understand that things could be different, that she didn’t have to make everyone afraid of her in order to get what she wanted, that she actually could trust people. 

So for all that has been explained in this post is why I think Satsuki embodies so perfectly what it’s like to be a stone femme for me and not just for her appearance, but for her choices too. She had to carry so much weight on her shoulders but Nonon and the rest of her friends supported her without putting more pressure on her; they just took care of what Satsuki ordered them to do. 

I also find so relatable the way she copes with all the trauma she’s got from facing lots of sexual violence, and physical and emotional abuse, or the fact that a close relative (her own mother) made her believe she was a failure and a good for nothing, that she didn’t belong and would never be enough for her. She didn’t lose her kindness and her hopes and dreams even though she had to turn herself more tough, it just happened that she showed her soft side differently. She actually cares, she is the one who provides and she sacrifices lots of things to protect humanity’s freedom. And she finally learns to trust in the good potential of all humans, and to let the women she loves take care of her too. 

To conclude, Satsuki was key to make me come to terms with me being a stone femme because I can see lots of subtle details in how she moves, behaves, thinks and approaches things that -somehow-remind me of myself, although I know we are not on the same league. But I really think she might be a stone femme too because she is a woman with strong and rigid boundaries around every aspect of her life, and she defends and makes everyone respect them. In the whole anime I’ve never seen anybody try to question her and her boundaries, and I truly admire her a lot for this.

[basementstalker]

Possessive type

SUBTYPE: Controlling

Varient: Physically violent (reminds me of dv yandere type)

Yandere of this variant who resort to taking action directly such as resorting to physical violence are often short-tempered and pursue the happiness they see before them only to regret it later. They are differentiated from Delusional type variants by whether they feel guilt or have a clear purpose. Those of this variant who control through inducing fear tend to have low self-evaluation in general. They find it difficult to simply feel and recognize happiness and are unable to believe that it will last for long. This then also leads into the those who are suspicious and don’t trust their love interest (regardless of whether or not the love interest is in the wrong) and loathes lies.

Variant: Brainwashing and conditioning (reminds me of training yandere type)

Highly calculative, the majority of yandere in this variant are more shrewd than their love interest. There are some who end up taking some sort of action due to a lack of confidence and others who use punshiment as a pretext to controlling their love interest. Because the yandere’s fundemental aim is to possess, upskilling the love interest is not the goal of brainwashing or conditioning. They wish for the love interest to regress or become obedient to the point they are completely under the yandere's control and beneath them. Through this method, the love interest's personality changes drastically from when they first met. These yandere may react in one of two extreme ways. They might grieve the change or not notice it at all.

Variant: Murderous

The yandere may commit murder if the above methods result in no improvements to the love interest (a character may immediately escalate to this variant if they are extremely unskilled or lack time.) Possession through death is thought to fulfill their possessive needs for reasons such as: it’s the equivalent of obtaining the love interest's entire life from then onwards; they are the ones who brought about the love interest's death; they have taken the love interest to a place where no one else can intrude; they have obtained the love interest's body which doesn’t fight against them. If murder is followed by suicide, these yandere are categorised under a different type.

Variant: Physical (reminds me of removal yandere type)

This can mean physcially getting rid of someone in the literal sense, give candid advise to third parties involved, purposely make others lose affection for the love interest or make gifts meant for the love interest get lost. Unlike the Isolating variant, yandere of this variant often come off as being suspicious and are easily pinned someone who seems a bit off. They aren’t very bright and are often impulsive. Those who are childish and short-tempered, or pessimistic and aren’t good with people are most likely to act impulsively. Additionally, if they are also the Stalker type who has never interacted with the love interest before, they will act in the background like a backstage hand and continue to silently remove people who get in their way. The discovery of these incidents may be delayed, depending on how sharp the love interest is.

SUBTYPE: Removing nuisances

Variant: Isolating (reminds me of loneliness induction yandere type, training yandere type)

Both variants of this subtype take action while knowing the love interest’s personality well so isolation is done by someone the love interest is fairly close with. Those of this variant who criticise then praise them to adjust their self-evaluation are often someone they have some sort of affection for in the first place. Because the love interest is so cautious about how the yandere reacts, their self-evaluation plummets. This may change their personality so yandere of this variant are dangerous to them in this way. The yandere will criticise them repeatedly on how useless they are, but once the yandere is alone with them they’ll be overly doting. The characteristics of this type are similar to the Brainwashing variant, but they are differentiated by whether their purpose is to control everything of love interest or isolate (become mutually dependent). If the purpose is to control, the love interest is more likely to become more useless than if it is to isolate.

SUBTYPE: Adam and Eve (Absolute isolation)

Variation: Enclosed world (reminds me of restraints yandere type)

These yanderes wish to be isolated alone with the love interest. In extreme cases, anyone other than them is a nuisance. If yandere has become like this due to reasons of a congenital kind, they fall under one of the Delusional variants. (Even if it were due to reasons later acquired there is a high possibility the yandere suffers from a mental disorder of some kind.) They are extremely possessive and they themselves also want to be solely possessed by the love interest, wishing for a mutually dependent relationship. However, in order to maintain their world for two, the yandere must be financially sufficient and have a bit of rationality. If they don’t have both, they will choose the easiest option which is to commit murder-suicide. (However, this death has nothing to do with the next life but rather it assumes of an eternal world for them alone. The difference lies in the yandere’s opinions of life and death.)

Variant: Loss

Characters develop into this variant suddenly after losing the love interest. Sadness and loneliness turns into unease and they’ll do anything to get the love interest back. This is quite a common type of yandere. Most of them are fairly mentally healthy at first and the change is often sudden. They are a variant that is dependent and unaware they are, so they aren’t able to calm down. They will lose their cool and become sick both mentally and physicially.

Variant: Clingy (reminds me of dependent yandere type)

The dependent type that is clingy from the time the love interest was with them. This is the standard dependent type who becomes mentally unstable when they almost lose the love interest. Unlike the Loss variant above, they’ll do anything to keep their love interest with them even before they’ve lost them. Both variants don’t differ much in how far they’re willing to go. They only differ in the first move they make.

SUBTYPE: Collectors habit

Variant: Sampling type (reminds me of bizarre seeking yandere type)

Yandere of this variant don’t care if the love interest is alive or dead. They are fine as long as they are in a position to appreciate the love interest's body. It is as if they are simply staring at a beautiful butterfly specimen they have hung up so it’s quite difficult to reason with them. Partially because they have overlapping traits with the Delusional type, they lack rationality. As a result, the yandere's aim to preserve the love interest in their beautiful state escalates from photos to the preservation of the actual person.

Variant: Collector (reminds me of obsession yandere type, stalker yandere type, bizarre seeking yandere type)

Yandere of this variant are obsessed with the love interest being their property. Be it their clothes or their garbage, the yandere want to collect every thing regardless of its actual value. At the core of this type is possessiveness so it does not mean they aren’t interested in the love interest. It’s more similar to an otaku imagining their love interest from the objects and enjoying it that way. They have a creative brain. Many yandere of this variant are of the artistic kind and have great imagination.

SUBTYPE: Attention-seeking

Variant: Self-harm (reminds me of self-harm yandere type)

These yandere have many traits that overlap with those of lunatics. They try to bind the love interest to them by harming themselves so they either are confident the love interest likes them, do it without any thought, or are trying to take advantage of the love interest's kindness. Those that harm themselves without any thought are categorised under the Mental Disorder subtype. They believe getting hurt is a form of way to get attention. They’ll try to tie the love interest down with feeling of guilt and not love, so they don’t care about the consequences and are filled with desperation and determination. Because these yandere only know to hurt themselves to keep the love interest with them, they aren’t that skilled in other areas.

Variant: Making an impression

We often have an image of a fan who their idol doesn’t pay attention to at all for yandere of this variant. They will do things that the love interest hates on purpose and try to remain in their memories even in the form of hatred or fear. Being ignored is what does the most damage to the yandere so they may fly into a rage and do worser things. They are highly aggressive and may evolve into a stalker or murderer, almost equivalent to the Sociopath variant.

SUBTYPE: Observing

Variant: - (reminds me of stalker yandere type, obsession yandere type)

Often done out of pure love, or the result of an unconscious inquisitive mind. This then breaks off into many different directions as they simply watch and observe. Those that secretly observe from the shadows may shift into the variant who fantasise. Those who observe and communicate with the love interest often shift into a diversity of types such as the Possessive, Intoxicated or Shackling. This is the stage where they cannot yet be considered ill in some sort of way.

SUBTYPE: Monitoring

Variant: Confinement (reminds me of restraints yandere type)

The standard type of yandere. Most of the subtypes under the Possessive type contain this trait, so they can be considered doers. They’ll place the love interest under their monitoring so they will hide them somewhere others cannot find. One essential factor to confining the love interest is that the yandere is financially able to support them as well, (if they’re okay with the love interest just being alive then they don’t need to be too financially successful), or they need to have a place away from sight. Planning skills also become important as it is difficult to confine the love interest for a long period of time without one.

Variant: Keeping tabs (reminds me of stalker yandere type)

Bugging phones or taking photos in secret are things stalkers often do. If the yandere doesn’t gather the love interest’s garbage for collection purposes but for the sake of collecting information, they are categorised under this variant. As Collector is a different variant, any collecting by this yandere is often done as preparation and is only an accessory to the final operation. This behaviour is often seen in people who are meticulous.

[actualbird]

thinking about mariluke again… given how marius is afraid of really trusting people and showing his heart bc he’s been used so many times before and his family situation… and given luke is all “you before me” and “wow im literal scum i don’t deserve nice things” how do you think they break down that roadblock to become lovers? do you think one of them would realise this isn’t okay and work on it or would they need a push from someone else?

you 🤝 me

thinking about mariluke

i very much relate to the feeling, anon, HVSKJFVKSDHFS

but oh my gosh i adore this ask because u hit the nail on the head on what like, their core internal conflicts are, respectively. definitely not their only conflicts, but these ones are ones that i see as the driving force behind a lot of their actions. for marius, it's the constant struggle of "can i trust you?", for luke it's his lack of self worth and the resulting neglect of his own safety/needs/desires coming from it.

before i answer the questions tho i wanna say first that those two issues do stem from core Wants that theyve got (and i wanna say this first cuz it will tie into my answers/thoughts HAHA).

like, marius is always cautious and holding his cards and heart close to himself not just because of all the betrayals hes experienced and in general the Life He Lives (though that is a Huge factor), but also because it's connected to his want for honesty, earnestness, and genuineness. though these two are interconnected, it's not a Which Came First, The Chicken Or The Egg situation (or in this case….Which Came First, The Yearning Or The Trust Issues? JHVKSJDFH), they exist simultaneously and feed into each other. he wants, he has trouble receiving what he wants because of his fears but his fears are also put into higher gear because of how Much he wants, and in turn the lack leads to his desire gets magnified and the stakes for his fears getting even higher as well. aaaand all this gets further complicated when u throw in marius’ low view of himself as well (while it’s not as prominent/delved-into in canon as luke’s, it’s Very Much There, see this past analysis i did about marius and emotional distancing which is the most recent analysis i did i think on the topic)

meanwhile with luke, his propensity to put others before himself always is in partly caused by how lowly he sees himself (if hes worth nothing and others are worth more, then he should be the ones taking the blows or enduring the pains), but Both those things are ultimately caused by his desire to Be Good and Do Good for Another. “for Another” is a key phrase here, because luke imo is driven by devotion. it has to be someone else. and if he sees himself as bad, then the good thing to do is to neglect himself, and a better use of his life is to serve Another that he Sees as good. like marius, this is all interconnected too. his want to do good feeds into his self sacrificial tendencies, his low view of himself allows him to do more of what he perceives to be good, etc etc. tho of course, with luke, theres the whole obvious glaring sign that what he Perceives to be good isnt good at all (ex. when he becomes overprotective to the point of taking away choice/agency from the very person hes protecting, protection becomes presumptuous condescension, and this all gets in flux since goodness is subjective based on whos lens ur looking from) but at the end of the day thats a bulk of whats driving a lot of decisions.

now when things get to romantic relationship, both these respective desires seen through the lens of romantic love can be reworded into:

for marius, it’s “do you love me? can i trust that your love is real? are you telling the truth when you say im worthy of love?”

and for luke, it’s “am i good enough for your love? have i earned it? will i allow myself to believe i’ve earned it when you say i have?”

(sidenote: …..oh my god, marius is basically “Real Love” by Carly Rae Jepsen

"The world is going crazy And it feels like I just don't know who to trust sometimes Thunder's coming over me, I need to get a hold of you now We're getting good at lying No one's saying what's keeping us all awake at night Something's coming over me, I need to get a hold of you now […] I go everyday without it All I want is real, real love And I've been feeling weak without it Only want a real, real love"

and luke is “All That” also by Carly Rae Jepsen

"I wanna play this for you all the time I wanna play this for you when you're feeling used and tired I wanna make the best so you want more […] I'll be the magic you won't ever see You can always rely on me To help you do what you want to do I wanna be the best you've ever known […] Show me if you want me If I'm all that I will be that"

i cant believe CRJ ships mariluke)

NOW back to ur question. i personally dont think this is an Either Or situation, i think it’s a Both Simultaneously kinda thing.

cuz first off, change can only happen when the person who has to do the change actively works on it. no amount of support system can do it for the person if the person themselves isnt putting in the work. BUT input from another Helps very much, especially with mariluke imo cuz like……..these two are two sides of the same coin. so many of their insecurities and fears and wants are similar. not Exactly the same, but similar enough that i think they get each other on a really personal level

(sidenote im coming in with another song but i tell everybody who has the misfortune of listening to me that “just like i do” by loveless is THE mariluke song for me because….come on

"Do you feel alone just like I do? Do you hate the sound of your heartbeat too? Do you feel alone just like I do? Do you hate the sound of your heartbeat too? This is all I own, 'til I face the truth Yeah, I feel alone in a crowded room"

i cant believe loveless ships mariluke too waow)

heres how they can help each other:

marius keeps his heart behind tall and strong walls because of how his world works and how his life has gone, yet all he yearns for is sincerity. and luke gives that in full earnestness, and is probably surprised by how much that means to marius.

(remember the CRJ songs i associated with both of them?

marius: "and it feels like i dont know who to trust sometimes"

luke: "i'll be the magic you won't eve see / you can always rely on me")

luke wears his heart on his sleeve, on the arms that are always fighting for whoever or whatever hes devoted to. luke keeps secrets, yes, but thats mostly in regards to how he sees, treats, and values (or rather, doesnt value) himself. but marius, who is trained in the art of putting up a mask or building a fortress to hide, would see through luke’s secrecy and see how badly luke treats himself under the guise of being good for others to be worthy of love.

(luke: "i wanna be the best youve ever known / show me if you want me"

marius: "i need to get a hold of you now")

luke shows what marius wants and marius sees what luke hides; both of these things, one way or another, calling attention to both of their respective internal conflicts.

i dont think they fix each other, or rather thats not how my personal ideal view of how their relationship goes. i think they see each other.

("do you feel alone just like i do?")

and in seeing, they learn more about themselves and realize that part of loving another person is also in bettering one’s self. marius loving luke more than hes afraid of getting hurt. luke loving marius more than how he wants to hate himself.

they both realize that the internal issues theyve got are not okay, and that they need to work on it. but they realize that once understood by the other and once realizing that their love is more important to them than fear or hatred.

....i feel so normal about them (lie)

[balkanradfem]

About your situation, I think it might work out, but you also need to be careful. I personally had that women, when disappointed with men, tried to flirt with me, or toy with idea of being with women, but they often turned back to men after, because being with women is not easier and comes with own set of shame and social setbacks, so they are not ready. So personally I would keep distance untill I see that other woman has strong conviction she is into women now (lesiban or febfem), because my exprience trying to better men while she is also actively is into men simultaneously was traumatic. I can't better them, not in the eyes of a woman with patriarchal mindset. Not in terms of owning more money and resources, as it was what the woman I liked looked for.

And seconds, personally I sometimes mask as het, like fish out some 15 years old experience of when I man romantically chased me to keep up with conversation, I stopped doing it because I realized it makes me very depressed, but at some point I was doing it without thinking, out of fear not to appear het enough. So maybe it was her case to extent also, sort of probing. I don't know.

And third, eastern slavic women (as i'm one too) often fooled me like that, because they can be very flirty and adoring you, but they limit it strictly to 'friend' level. Or, we often tend to think that it's ok limit to how friend interact. I upon some thinking began to think I rather find it ok, it's better if women have affection to each other, but it makes me confused often. Where I go eh why does she hug me so much? but then ah it's just friendly thing for her, ok.

I had experience when a new friend I was meeting was really looking me over, I would suspect it's almost as if she invited me on a date, she also tried to carry my bag (after asking to carry her things in my back, which was a bit weird). So it's something men often offer to do on dates, I refused, but paired with that awkward long looking me over, I felt like she's having instant crush on me. But then she mentioned husband, and I was all "????????". Granted everything is bad with her husband and she plans divorce, so maybe she wanted a support in the meantime, but I felt it to be unjust towards me.

Bottom line, my experience, women often look for being with other woman, but all the experience I had like that, they did not take it with serious conviction, but took it as silly adventure that does not need to lead to anything, if their mindset is patriarchal still, and I felt degraded, bc I was serious, and they seen me, I felt, along with my feelings, as funny puppy to make them feel better. Like, if they are very patriarchal in their head, they try to harvest my energy the same way the men try to do that, and because they are women, I let my guard down. But now I learned to be cautious.

So if that was me, I kept that friend at friendly distance before I learn more of her opinions on life and how set she is in wanting to pursue women, maybe encourage her a bit, but not jump right in. Because I burned myself.

Hey thank you for this detailed and insightful advice! I am so sorry your experiences with women were so painful, that was extremely shitty, I would also feel degraded and crushed if women thought I was just a side adventure when I felt seriously about them.

I see that you've been subjected to the same madness upon having women who are married/not interested, do flirting actions, that is insane. Why are they torturing us. Is it fun. Do they enjoy making us confused and baffled. What do they get out of it. I need them to stop that!!!

And don't worry, I used to have a crush on her, but since she called me child names I know it wouldn't work out, I am now completely set on never trying to date her, I merely wanted to know what her orientation is and be friends. At this point if she even wanted something I would either say no or stop it very early on. I'd say she's too pretty for me so it cannot work out xD thats my plan at least. But I'm still waiting just to see if she's straight, we cannot get out of this confusion.

[mysteriouslypalecollective]

I found a really old fanfiction I wrote about the dream SMP more specifically C!Tommy. And I wrote one chapter so here it is

===============================

Found family

This story starts off with a boy named Tommy. He is a blonde boy with curly hair and a white streak. His hair was long and put in two small spiky pigtails in the back. He wore a big comfy blue sewn sweater with a ruined red and white shirt peeking underneath it. He had long baggy tan pants. He had a devil tail peeking beneath his sweater. He had small red horns. His face was covered in scars and on his cheek was a smile.

“ELLLO?” He called out his tone was a bit weak and scared. The voice that answered was not recognized by the young boy. The voice shouted “hello” . It almost sounded like a young adult. The boy was startled and jumped. He then looked at the person "Who are you?” said the blonde boy.

“Hi, my name is Wren. What's your name.”

The person now known as Wren was a young adult presumably female but it was hard to tell they were reasonably tall they had a bandana over their hair and it looks like little goat horns poking out from underneath they had go to ears and hoofs which were nicely paired with a with cargo shorts and a cardigan a yellow cardigan with a black t-shirt underneath.

The blonde haired boy quickly tries to think of a fake name “My name is…Uhh…Umm. My name is…Uhh, Jack.”

“It's a pleasure to meet you Jack,” Wren said with a smile.

Tell me was cautious he has to be cautious he gone through so much already he couldn't risk it after dream killing him bringing him back to life having people portray him in going through wars and going through so much he couldn't risk meeting a stranger in them taking advantage of him he was just so tired and so sick of it and didn't know what to do. He missed his parents but his parents had been nothing but garbage to him ever since he was born. Philza had treated him well but those are now distant. Having to kill his own son was brutal and traumatic for the entire “family”. But now he couldn't go to phil, he couldn't go to anyone they were either dead or were betraying him or had replaced him entirely, he was just alone and he didn't know what to do and he didn't want to open up to a random stranger at least not immediately, he didn't know them yet.

“Are you planning to kill me?” the kid bulleted out

Wren immediately steps back very surprised by the sudden question

“Why on bloody Earth would I do that!” they responded in shock and also slight fear.

“My bad…I have just had some…not so great experiences with people and I am a bit…um…you know.” He shrugs and looks away. “I've been through shit.”

“Are you going to therapy like, at all?” Wren asked, quite worried about this kid's mental health and physical health at that matter.

Tommy nodded, explaining how he goes to Puffy's for therapy whenever she is free. But most of the time he bottles of his emotions and doesn't burden them on anyone else unless they pri.

“I'm glad you're going to therapy but please “Jack” don't bottle up your emotions. It's a stupid way of coping and it doesn't work. It just leads you to a bad mental state where you fall apart, not a fun time.”

Wren does this whole little speech on how bottling up your emotions is bad and you should talk to people you trust and she just they just kind of get into the zone on talking about this mental health issue and Tommy's just there watching it listening and realizing that this person is genuine and probably isn't a piece of shit.

Tommy sighs, takes deep breath in and decides to tell them about all of the not very fun things that he's done and he's had to go through and just tell someone because if someone's going to go throw this trouble until you why you shouldn't follow up your feelings you have to make them regret it by trauma dumping.

“Well…um…you see….”

The boy sighs and mumbles.

“I’m a child soldier.

“Oh honey, “Jack” I'm so sorry”

“No need to apologize…” He says quietly. “The worst has already happened to me…nothing worse can happen…”

“That’s what I tell myself at least…”

“It still means you went to shit that's not good like that's rough and really sorry you had to go through that and are still going through that” Wren looks over at the boy with empathy and compassion, desperately wanting him to have a good childhood and wanting to give him a good life.

He shrugs and smiles awkwardly.

“Well…it’s my life.” He mumbles and sighs.

“Not much I can do about it…I just…it is how it is I guess.”

“Can't you just leave?” Wren asks

He laughs and says. “Where am I going to go? I have no money, no education and no way out of where I am.” He chuckles and shrugs. “You think people would just let an orphan child soldier just get away that easily?”

“You could pick a direction and just keep going, find a nice spot where you have access to fresh water and Good soil and start making a home. I guess I don't know. You just shouldn't need to go through that shit, just leave that to the adults you shouldn't have had to go through that. You shouldn't be going through that when you're a kid it's not okay” Wren tries to convince him to just leave this behind and get a good life free of pain.

“So you want me to make a home alone in the woods? And what? Eat berries?” He laughs nervously and shakes his head. “First of all, I don’t have the survival skills to live off of what I can find around me and second of all, I am still wanted by the army. I was not supposed to get out and they are looking for me.”

Wren looked at the blonde haired boy with so much desperation and love and just wanting him to be okay Wren had barely known the kid and they'd already got an emotional attachment to him.

As Wren stared at Tommy, Tommy stared back. Tommy didn't take Wrens staring as a threatening thing more as a vague interest. Tommy was starting to feel a little bit uncomfortable with the staring thing, he felt like Wren was looking at him and trying to pick apart his trauma and how his brain worked. Almost like a science project that no one bothered to finish.

“Umm are you ok with hugs? It's fine if you're not. I don't want to set off a trigger or anything. I just thought that you might have wanted one.” Wren explained

The boy shrugs. He doesn’t mind not getting hugged.

“I appreciate it anyway…uh…can you promise me one thing?”

“Sure, what do you need me to promise?”

“Can you please not tell anyone where I am?” He is serious and seems to be begging.

“Of course, I'm not going to tell any of the information you tell me to a third party. I know I sound like a government official or something but like I swear I won't tell us all unless you want me to because I don't want to make your life worse.” Wren explained.

The boy smiles. “Thank you.”

Then he seems to be thinking of something.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure what is"jack”?”

“How old are you?” The way Tommy said it was very abrupt and to the point it was not jumping around the topic it was very direct and immediate in the way he said it it was slightly drawing to Wren but they did appreciate the forward nes.

“Oh, umm 20-21 ish. I kind of stopped keeping track a while ago." Wren says this with a smile and a shrug.

“Hmm…” The boy thinks.

Then he asks with a serious tone.

“Did you have a normal childhood?”

“Well damn straight to the important questions it is then my gosh. Not that I mind it just shocking how forward you are. But all in all yeah I would say I had a pretty good childhood compared to yours. Because what you went through is horrible and I'm really sorry.”

“Can you…can you explain what it was like?” He asks. “I don’t understand what a normal childhood is supposed to be like….” Tommy looks sheepishly to the ground trying not to make eye contact and more interested in my feet now because hooves.

“…I can't… I don't it's hard to describe what a good childhood is like it's complicated all childhoods are different and what you may see is good can also it's everything's a mix that and no matter if you have good or bad there will always be ups and downs of the best I guess the best way to have a good childhood is least what my childhood at least I had to parents loved me and it was nice then there was other things that can't control like non-family people and illnesses and there's always things that will make something shity and will endorse trauma or a bad memory at least there's never a perfect child there's better ones but yeah at least kind of want my childhood was like if that made any sense.”

As Wren says this they start to tear up a bit just thinking about all of the shit that the kid in front of me had to go through for his childhood damn he's still in his childhood the things he's going through just broke wren's heart.

The blonde haired boy just nods kind of taking in what Wrens saying and also kind of not his family is chaotic and messy and not necessarily blood and it's just hard to relate for him so he's just kind of sitting there for it standing there trying to take in what he can and understanding what they're saying. He thinks back to Phil and what it was like when they were all together with Wilbur, Phil and techno. It was nice and his eyes but nice it was comfortable not necessarily perfect but comfortable he missed those days he missed when everything was comfortable not necessarily perfect but he didn't always fear for his safety and scared as he could shot in the heart with an arrow or blown up or beaten to death again. he missed those days. Then he thought about mothers. He had never known a mother, at least not a mother who cared about him enough or one that stuck around long enough.

He sighs and smiles and says.

“thank you for the insights….. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure!”

He seems a bit nervous and whispers.

“What’s…um…a normal relationship between a mom and a child is supposed to be like…?”

It's it's kind of like you look up to them and they look up to you and it's kind of this weird sense of loving both ways of and you can get upset at them but they stop and talk you through what's happening and you have each other I am sorry about the bad explanations”

Wren starts to tear up a bit again.

The boy seems a little shocked by their answer and stares down at the ground.

“I never…I never had that. My parents were…not the best to say the least. I probably should be more specific I do mean my birth parents not my family”

The boy sighs and asks. “Do you think my parents loved me…”

Wren was cut off guard by the sudden question. they were more trying to process the thing that they said before about not having great birth parents but then this kid hit them with that bombshell! When the two were shocked to speak for a second just trying to compute all of the information that they had just been given.

“I-i don't know your parents so I can't make a good judgment on their character. all I can say is did you feel loved?”

Tommy shakes his head looking at the ground.

“From the little bit I know about your birth parents I don't think they may have loved you but it didn't show through and so and if you're not in touch anyway you should give them any time of day it's your childhood was shity and I'm sorry that you had to go through tons of trauma and are still going through more things. I'm so sorry because it's shity and you don't deserve that.”

The boy looks down and mumbles.

“Thanks…”

“Do you want a hug?” Wren offered

The boy pauses and then looks up at you.

“Yes…please…if that’s okay.”

Wren open star arms in an embrace with a warm smile on their face.

The boy walks into the hug.

He was shaking a little bit.

“Thank you…”

“You're welcome kid.”

He starts to sob a bit.

“I…I thank you…this is…really comforting…”

“You can stand my arms as long as you need. Can I ask you a question?”

Tommy teary eyed Wren's shoulder muttering something along the lines of “yes” through his tears.

“Is Jack your real name? Or is that just the name that you picked so you wouldn't have to tell me your real one?”

The boy goes silent. After two quiet seconds he says.

“No…Jack is not my real name….”

“Can I know your real name or is that too much?” Wren asked.

The boy looks at them with a bit of fear before quickly shaking his head “No…I…I can’t tell you.”

Wren sighs and then and then says “that's okay I'm here for you.”

His shaking slows and he mumbles.

“Can we not talk about my past anymore?”

Wren just nods not wanting to pry into the child's trauma.

The boy sighs and says.

“Thank you…uh…and thank you for letting me hug you…you are very comforting.”

Wren starts to sway while holding on to him trying to lull him into sleep.

The boy closes his eyes.

In a soft voice he mumbles.

“I like this, I've never had this before not for my parents or anyone really”

Wren just continued to sway, basically rocking him into sleep like a baby. thinking over things whether to say stuff or not eventually they decided to ask something.

“Hey kid, do you want a new parent?”

______________________________________________________________________

Tommy stops. There was a long break after that

[answersfromzestual]

I'm so terrified of sepsis after surgery. Or a UTI from the catheter that leads to sepsis. My mom nearly died from sepsis caused by uti and I have horrific trauma now and I'm worried it'll put me off getting my surgeries I need to become stealth

That is a scary, and I understand your drawbacks to surgery because of it.

I want to try to calm your fears.

Surgeons want the best results. With the amount of gender affirmation surgeries happening, doctors have gotten very good at their jobs. There is also a bit on you though, you would need to let your clinic know about anything unusual. Surgeon and clinic help are available after-hours, or at very least a nurse will talk to you. When I had my bladder infection it was extremely noticeable, I could not get comfortable, I could not stop wanting to take the catheter out.

But you do not have to get Urethra Lengthening (urethraplasty), if you do not want to either. You would just have to remain sitting while urinating, but you'd still have a functioning phallus.

I think about your mother, she got sick because she let the infection get out of control, she was too busy living life to either notice or care about the slight discomfort at first. It's not her fault, she has a family and to mom's they always come first. She may have been so busy she didn't even notice it until it got bad.

I just want you to know there are many signs before a Urinary Tract Infection can cause sepsis.

I have issues with my kidneys and bladder. It was very common pre phallo for me to get UTIs. For them to cause real damage they have to develop into infections further in the body, usually the kidneys. I'm saying this because I want you to know that generally having a UTI is not dangerous. There is a lot of discomfort involved however can easily be cured at early stages (even many later stages) by simple antibiotics.

I do not want you to feel that I am trying to say your fears aren't valid, because they are. But I think your mother was an extreme circumstance. Not all situations will lead from UTI to sepsis.

An indwelling catheter is very safe as long as you take the proper precautions. They do not require them to be in for nearly as long as when I had urethraplasty as well.

This is why I stress the importance during the healing period to ask questions to, be cautious, and be mindful of how your body feels. You will also have a surgical team at your beck and call, they want and need to know if anything is going on, such as: feeling feverish, the area around your urethra is hot to the touch, general discomfort, difficulty sleeping, vomiting, diarrhea, not being able to eat, and pain. These are all things you need to take really seriously. It's better to contact the clinic or your health care provider with a false alarm, then to not check in, and have some kind of infection develop.

A clinic will make sure that you are taken care of, so that you will have the best results you can have.

[monratarot]

Hello, Can I participate in your free tarot reading event?

My question is "What blessings are coming to me this year?"

My date of birth is 5/5/1998, my initials are NDN, and the specific event that happened to me in the last month was that I had to go to the hospital quite a bit due to problems with my teeth and jaw. Anw, you can tag me when you have the answer. Thank you!

Hope you have a nice day!🥰

Hello, dear @ivyvhhg! Thank you for your interest in my blog and your request.♡ 🦋

Feedback is very much appreciated and if you consider tipping me, you can do so on my ☕️ko-fi.

Count of questions/requests and answers 5/30

Without wasting any time, let's get into your reading!

I can see that this year you will make a lot of happy memories. There are harmonious times ahead when you can reconcile or reconnect with an old friend. This will help you have a strong bond with friends and family and also you can use your memories/experiences now in the present to create the future that you are looking for. All these experiences will help you reconnect with your childhood because good things are coming from the past. This is a good and creative time for you. Hard work warrants big rewards and a season of prosperity on your way. Just remember that sometimes we work and build things and sometimes we need some time to recuperate(be careful if you know that you had a childhood health problem that is coming back right now, don't ignore it!). Every time you want to make a decision, just take some time to reflect on your situation and your options. What you should be careful about? someone that you care or love might let you down and this will lead to a period when you should decide this situation. Also, you might have some second thoughts about moving into a new place or a house improvement project. Don't be over-cautious or fearful in a situation even if you feel that all your effort isn't worth enough. Protect yourself from other's negativity and make your decision free of the guidance of others. The good news is that after a period of chaos of destruction, a sign of hope for a new world arrives. Things will change for the better, you will allow yourself to shine. There is a time ahead when anything is possible, your hopes and dreams might come true. If you have an eye on a dream house, it will come to you. Relationships with others will be calm and harmonious, just listen to your instincts. Also, your work starts to pay off, you have a hidden talent that you can put to good use now. You can deal with a person(like a mentor or a lover)that will guide you in life. With their help, you will overcome difficulties with grace. There can be some delays in payouts but nothing is important, there is a slow but steady growth. Just think carefully before you act and make a good plan. Keep on going and in the future, you will thank yourself for your dedication. So dear, you have a good year ahead, just be a little careful before making any decision about the influence of the people around you. Pretty nice year ahead for you!

Angel message for you: Angel wisdom suggests that you give of yourself freely, openly, and lovingly. The rewards of your generosity are great, for all that you give from an open heart is returned to you multiplied. Affirmation: I am generous-hearted.

Wish you only the best!🍀

Moni🧚‍♀️

[lyssiesleakedmemos]

Your favorite blogger is a Masochist

Real life 🌶

How long have I been lying here, outlined in chalk, assessing my damage, collecting evidence? My face freckled in burst blood vessels, my lip split, back side bruised. The skin scraped off my knees and feet, concealed by a thick layer of mud. My made-up face eaten away by saliva, my eyelashes missing on some country road. I strain to check for his hand print through the spiderweb on my aching throat, but I'm still seeing stars. And I feel.. nothing. My head is quiet. I am still.

How did I get here? How many wrong turns did i take to end up in just the right place?

Some of those answers lie between the lines of stories already told, some in stories to come, and others remain under lock and key in a diary of leather and lace I'll be buried with one day.

But this isn't about the devil who left me here dazed and wounded. This is solely about how I learned I liked it so fucking much. How badly I needed to be here

My approach to masochism and degradation was always very cautious.. only ever dipping my toes into what I knew I could handle and always seeing myself as weak and sensitive meant that ran pretty shallow. My relationship with them tied mostly to illusion and fantasy, content to remain that way forever.. or so I thought.

But when a series of events found me pinned to the ground, familiar hands striking my face over and over, it was clear I underestimated what I could handle. Every time I was hit, the pain was nearly unbearable.. but I survived for the next, so it wasn't. Every time I tried to stop him, I did everything but say the word that would have because I didn't want him to stop. When I found myself gasping between rounds of being strangled with his shirt, I used every last breath to antagonize him into doing it all over again.

He was exactly as I knew him to be, but I had become something unfamiliar. Craving the pain, addicted to the cruelty immediately. More than unlocking a world of unexplored kink, I started learning there was peace in pain. I had no choice but to be present, focused.. years of chasing this elusive feeling, and now here it was beaten into me. Even lying in the aftermath, the world had slowed, the shrieking chatter of my mind came in clear voices one by one for a while.

I would have returned for another dose for that alone, but that wasn't all.

Just as my foolish attempts at maintaining control all my life had been dismantled the moment I handed my power over to him, my ego and identity crumbled under the weight of degradation. But not how I feared. Being broken down only left me with what was really there. Staring in the mirror, I was forced to accept everything that I was and wasn't all at once, without the power of my own judgment. I already was pathetic, desperate, disgusting, greedy, and selfish, but here was evidence. But I was still such a good girl, desirable, exciting, fascinating, strong, and talented, and here was the evidence. I just was what I was, and I could live with that.

On regular days I still moved through the world differently, the smirk of a secret life etched into my lips, flashbacks fluttering my lids every so often and the untouchable armor of knowing the comfort I found in danger. Every bit of tender flesh or tainted elixir serves to remind me of exactly what I am.

I'm a Masochist

But it took a very important Sadist to lead me

I'm a Masochist

And I know i said it wasn't about him, but it will be

Because I'm a Masochist

So I fell inlove with the monster that made me.