#because it means that even though she's jealous she's mature enough to not be mean to aerith about it

[justsomeunsurefancat]

I really love Tifa's and Aerith's friendship. They could've easily went for the love-rivals route and make them hate eachother, but instead they just instantly became absolute besties. Like, they even talked about going shopping together it's adorable.

[alexiethymia]

I’ve always thought it but Gyokuyou’s line, “If I said I was jealous of Concubine Fuyou, would I be a terrible woman?” seemed to point at two things, her jealousy of her being free to finally leave the inner palace, and secondly, the freedom to love and be loved in return.

I mean though she may be the Empress, and though she may be the most favored by the Emperor, I’m sure she’s clever and shrewd enough to think that she wouldn’t actually ever have his love. And that is what makes her so intriguing in that regardless of her own feelings, she can still be human and feel some sort of sadness about it, at the what-ifs.

Considering the latest chapters in the web novels, the parallels and contrasts between The Emperor (Yang) and Aduo, as well as Jinshi and Maomao being driven so hard just hurts so good.

That conversation between Jinshi and the Emperor revealing their chosen actions regarding their ‘one cherished flower’. The Emperor choosing to bind her to him, and cherishing her and protecting her vs Jinshi’s decision to let her go rather than trap her in the inner palace, such that it drives Aduo to tears because she sees in Jinshi and Maomao what could have been.

It’s so painful precisely because the Emperor and Aduo were where Jinshi and Maomao were ending up toward if not for the development they underwent. Contrast the Jinshi of earlier volumes who I think, in his desperation, would have chosen the same course of action the Emperor had in regard to Aduo and the Jinshi of now, who has matured.

But in the same vein that none of these characters are perfect, and are intriguing in their flaws, I think Aduo is the same as Maomao. Except that Maomao now finally was able to accept and let herself love, whereas Aduo used and still uses that ‘familial’ tie and even Yue as the reason why she still chooses to stay with Yang.

This just may be my own interpretation, but I think Aduo truly loved (loves?) the Emperor in her own way, as more than a ‘sibling’ or a ‘friend’ and that she is an unreliable narrator in her own right, same as Maomao. But alas, I don’t think Aduo and the Emperor managed to communicate properly on this part of their relationship, unlike other aspects where they can be free with one another. And now it’s too late, because the Emperor in his foolish youth made that irreversible choice and clipped Aduo’s wings.

That four way conference was perfect in that it was basically both pairs seeing mirrors of them in each other, of the past and the future, of what was and what could have been. And though the Emperor made mistakes, I can’t find it in myself to judge him too harshly because, as one analysis puts in, he didn’t have the same freedoms Jinshi has now, nor did he have the same people around him who could have guided him on the right path. Suiren and Gaoshun who were there to see what happened with the Emperor and Aduo, are probably doing their best to nudge Jinshi and Mamao in the right direction such that they wouldn’t repeat past mistakes.

It’s that one post you know? The love was there, it was always there. But perhaps, even then, it wasn’t enough.

[bluee08]

Astro observations 《3》

Disclaimer : Not an astrologer, take it with a grain of salt, only for fun.

🫧 Asteroid Orma in 8th house might be the people to leave an impression of being hella reserved in a mysterious way. Like they might tell you a story and you will always feel like there is something more to it.

🪩 Mars in 3rd house people often say something offending without meaning to and regret the very next second. Trust me it's not their fault, they wanted to say something else and ended up saying something totally unexpected. They also feel guilty about it for days and feel sad that they might have come off rude for no reason.

🫧 Neptune conjuct ascendant, they are the real chameleons. They can mold themselves as per the situation demands. Ngl it comes handy sometimes. Like I remember when I was in 6th grade I was caught into a very serious matter but I pretended as if nothing happened and flew away. When the other guys rattled me out to the teacher, she said It's impossible that I was involved and that she doesn't believe them. She didn't hear a single word against me. Lol no, I wasn't her favorite student or something. It's just that I had maintained a certain reputation among different sect of people as per my own convenience. Call it manipulation if you want, if that doesn't explain the planet itself.

🪩 Pluto trine Lilith, it's not always sexuality that comes to the mind when we hear about these folk. Lilith here is aware that pluto is her benefactor. But it takes time for her to feel comfortable in her own domain. She is powerful here and knows what she wants. Definitely won't take anyone's bullshit. Her transformation can be scary and ruthless if someone tries to pin her down.

🫧 Jupiter sextile Pluto have a deep interest in forbidden things. Learning things that often people consider taboo is their thrill. They may or may not share the knowledge but they are always resourceful about topics relatated to dark themes of life. Feel free to discuss anything with them, they won't judge you infact they will help you inhance your own boundaries. You will be surprised how normal they'll sound while talking about things that might trigger other people even if they have gone through the same.

🪩 The one guy I had a Aphrodite-Eros synastry with made me feel like...idk strange. I was on a constant pedestal. I cared a lot about him. His Eros conjucted my Aphrodite and I looked out for him a lot. There was a thick sexual tension but also comfort. He also made me get a taste of jealousy. Which I don't usually feel. I used to constantly compare myself with the girls he used to interact with. We were not dating but I just couldn't help but feel insecure. Not because of him....idk why I was acting like that when I knew I was pretty enough.

🫧 Mars opposite Venus people get sudden mood swings from doing absolutely nothing to doing everything in next one hour. Oh and they'll do it again if it ain't asthetically pleasing to the eye.

🪩 Sun sextile Saturn, trust me they do know how to control themselves and take things with a grain of salt. Their ego is well maintained and not fragile unlike others. Very understanding and real mature people.

🫧 Sun sextile/trine Moon are the most compassionate and intuned with their selves. They know themselves better than anyone else. Also they always know exactly what they are feeling at any given time. Even if they are depressed at some point they won't give up easily.

🪩 Neptune negatively aspecting Saturn, dreaming big is easy, isn't it? But when you start implanting those dreams in real life your dreams remain dreams only. Don't worry though. It's a lesson. Don't give up, try harder. Dream as big as you want but at the end of the day remember to open your eyes and start afresh with new motivation. And please don't listen to those who tell you to quit it down. Your dreams are not weird or impossible or too much. Those people are just jealous because of how big your ambitions are and how far you are willing to go for it. Don't restrict your imagination for someone else. Believe yourself, you can do it!

🫧 Pluto in 10th house solar return chart can indicate a huge change in academic life or anywhere you are working at. For better or worse you better take precautions before hand. I am having it this year with mars in 3rd house and trust me from an above average student my grades are becoming poor. If I were to describe my graph I can see it coming downhill like a water slide which is creating quite an impression on my parents as well as my teachers. Note the sarcasm.

🪩 Saturn in 7th house could indicate having no interest in relationships at first or people being afraid to ask you out but when you grow up, settle well, you find yourself looking for your better half, resulting in either meeting them late or doing an arrange marriage.

🫧 Saturn opposite ascendant are the people who often get told that they look unapproachable on first glance. Kind of the 'out of league' vibe surrounds them. Which is not always true but I have noticed people do think twice before approaching them. These sweeties are also damn soft on the inside but for only those who do dare to talk to them. They rarely take the initiative themselves. But come ask help from them and they will risk their lives for you.

🪩 Mercury aspecting chiron could indicate healing your wounds by diving into the world of books. You might like to read or write journals when you are feeling down. There might be a small diary or pages that you have written when you were at your lowest. Its also possible that you start writing a novel or something to help you voice out your pain through written words.

🫧 Sun conjuct asteroid Medusa. Damn! You could have curly hair or hairs that are a lot wavy, thick and voluminated. Highly blessed in hair department. Many people might have praised you or complimented on your hair from a very young age. This could also indiacte a lot of body hair. From top to bottom you have body hair and trust me its not a bad thing. Its a blessing of being powerful, embrace it. It's just a hunch but some may have complimented you on that too.

🪩 Mars in 3rd house can't watch porn without audio or no communication during the deed. They always want to hear the sounds, no, they NeeD to hear the sounds raw! Only visuals is boring for them just as adding some weird music to the video. No, its not creating the mood, its ruining my experience, pls stop it.

🫧 You don't wanna hear someone moan who has their personal planets conjucting asteroid Sirene. Trust me you will get addicted. Its insane and I am not bluffing. Their voice may or may not be as addictive in general but in bed? Or when they want to take something from you? You will be trapped even before you blink. It's dangerous.

🪩 What's with Taurus Mars and Laziness? So much potential and still they study few hours before exam, complete assignments few minutes before submission and still have the audacity to say they will easily pass. Like bro if that's how you pass then I can't imagine how you will top....

🫧 Moon in 4th house people are highly invested in family matters. Family comes first to them and then the rest. The kind of people to tolerate an unhappy married life for the sake of their kids because they can't see their family being split apart.

🪩 Mars aspecting Pluto. It doesn't matter if it is positively aspected or negatively aspected, there is a lot of pent up frustration and anger issues underneath this placement. If provoked or underdeveloped could result in a very sudden and violent rage from this person. Better to leave them alone in such situations.

[thewertsearch]

We're got a couple of assorted asks about quadrant dynamics here. Since they're all related, I'll answer them as a single post.

@galaxa-13 asked: I personally never saw Feferi being annoyed by Eridan talking about feelings with Karkat because he was only supposed to talk about them with her, but rather because he ONLY talked about them with Karkat. She had to do all the heavy lifting in their relationship by making sure he didn't commit genocide, and then didn't get to unwind with some romantic gossip. If my platonic boyfriend never talked to me, but did with others, I'd question him too. @lilietsblog asked: I never read Feferi as being jealous of Karkat in a violating relationship exclusivity / cheating on her way. I read it as a playful "why aren't you talking about stuff with me? is it because you've already talked it all out?" where Eridan was very much supposed to read between the lines and undersatnd that she just wanted him to tell her about his red crushes (awkward, that…) While I'm sure there are specific rituals trolls /only/ do with their moirails, my overall impression is that trolls normally just… don't form relationships close and trusting enough for emotional support like that. The quadrants help by making it semi-mandatory to find SOMEONE. (Also I'm actually sure that a healthy moirallegiance would be reciprocal with both partners pacifying each other, it's just the hemospectrum version of gender roles)

You may have a point. Eridan was clearly a poor moirail from the start - probably because he never actually wanted to be Feferi's moirail. To him, the quadrant was clearly just a stepping stone to matespritship, so he wasn't invested in its dynamics. Feferi's not really angry about Karkat, here - she's just a little frustrated about how one-sided their moirallegence has turned out to be.

That said, I do still believe that quadrants would work better if they were polyamorous - even if this particular scenario doesn't illustrate my point as well as I thought it did.

@morganwick asked: I mean, some would argue that placing undue emphasis on monogamy beyond what's actually healthy or natural is true of human romance as well. But part of what might be going on here is that on Alternia, it's not a good idea to let knowledge of your fears, doubts, and weaknesses spread too far, lest it mark you for culling. Best to vent to a single person who won't tell another soul. (See also how Vriska is saying things to John she wouldn't tell any other troll.) @bladekindeyewear asked: "At the end of the day, I do think moirallegiance is a good idea. I just don’t think it really works if moirails can’t be poly." What if they CAN be? People with naturally polyamorous inclinations are few and marginalized on present-day Earth, and Alternian society seems set up to STOMP OUT the marginalized. Quadrants certainly exist, but how much of their rigidity and the pervasive troll view that you only have "one true fated partner(s)" for each quadrant might just be cultural?

I think a monogamous system of moirallegence is probably all that Alternia could handle. Sustaining a polyamorous quadrant system would require a level of emotional maturity that the average troll simply isn't going to have - and, like you said, it might be dangerous to widen your circle more than is actually necessary.

I still think the trolls would benefit from such a system, though. On Alternia, it simply wasn't to be - but the Alternian Players now have the chance to build an entirely new culture. Who knows what new dynamics they might discover?

@lilietsblog asked: I don't think Hussie "jumped the gun". I think Hussie was messing around with the very idea of "what romance should be like". Trolls don't care about what gender their partners are, and have a different system of confusing rigid rules that no two people understand quite the same and that don't work out in practice that way anyway, instead. The quadrant system was never intended to be a serious worldbuilding project any more than Troll Will Smith

See, I get what you're saying - but the difference, in my opinion, is that that Troll Will Smith was a one-panel joke, whereas the quadrant system has informed our understanding of troll relationships for the entirety of Act 5. Unlike Will, quadrants have stayed relevant, and they've been critical to understanding many of the Alternians' key character moments.

That's not to say that quadrants aren't partially a joke. Frankly, I don't think any of Homestuck is entirely serious - but I do think quadrants are 'real' in the context of the story, and should be analyzed as a legitimate part of its world.

@bladekindeyewear asked: One last bout moirails-- Andrew in his asks has said that the idea behind each of the Quadrants IS supposed to match up with real human relationship and friend dynamics we already understand, making them relatable but w/ a romantic drive that isn't quite human-analogous. Trolls biologically compelled to enter them before understanding them, a challenge "particularly tortuous for young trolls" (p2393), plus the 600 hour session makes sense of Eq/Nep's relationship's drastic evolution to me.

I've always been a little skeptical about this whole 'biological drive' angle for the quadrants - mostly because there are plenty of human biological drives that are either overstated, misinterpreted, or outright fabricated.

That's not to say that the trolls don't have some sort of compulsion to seek out quadrants. If it does exist, though, I hope it slowly fades, now that the trolls have left their planet and its expectations behind.

[slvtforfiction]

Jealousy

☆ Jealous Colby x Reader 🤭

☆ Secret situationship

☆ Kinda toxic ngl

☆ MATURE. (Suggestive)

☆ Short,sorry loves ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

☆ A like,comment and reblog is always appreciated:)

☆ Creds to @cafekitsune for dividers :)

Masterlist | Pinned Post

“Fuck Colby if he doesn’t want to show you off wear it.” Kat shrugged as I looked at myself in the mirror. My silky red dress,extremely short may I add.

“He’ll be mad though Kat.” I said as I stared at my figure in the mirror as Kat sighed,sitting in my bed watching me check myself out.

If I’m honest I would be jealous of myself,my boobs looked amazing in this dress,not to mention my ass.

“He won’t even show you off to his friends though! Show him what he’s missing!” Kat said happily.

We had already done our makeup and Kat was just waiting for me to agree with her because in the end,she was right.

“You know what you’re right.” I said confidently, “We ready to go then? Because girl you look hella good.” Kat said “Fuck yes let’s go.” I said smiling to myself.

I turned around from the mirror with a little spin as she cheered me on,I smiled to myself,I was never as confident as I was until I met Kat.

My red lipstick,white eyeliner and my straightened hair was beautiful,definitely have to wear this more often.

“Sam!” Kat yelled as she walked in and immediately saw him,Colby looked over in our direction,biting his lip as he watched me strut over to grab myself a drink.

I smiled to myself,my plan clearly working. I mean it wasn’t my initial intention to make him jealous but it was definitely my plan now.

I bent down to grab a white claw from the mini fridge,my dress riding up my ass to show just enough skin. I mean enough to annoy Colby.

He shrugged and walked away and I smiled to myself as I walked over to Sam and Kat.

“Girl he’s pissed!” I shouted over the music, “Who?” Sam asked as me and Kat laughed at each other. “Colby.” I said matter of factly, “Why?” He asked again, “Because of what I’m wearing.” I laughed.

He nodded and walked away presumably going to find Colby. “Girl you should have seen his face!” I said laughing to myself as Kat grabbed a drink “Kind of sad I saw Sam now.” She said laughing light heartedly.

I soon saw Colby walk down the stairs with Sam with no top on,I smiled,If that’s how he wants to play,I can play dirtier.

I downed a shot and walked over to some guy that had been eyeballing me since I got here.

“Hey.” He smirked as I walked over to me,I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes from his cockiness. “Do you wanna dance?” I said jumping straight to the chase.

This guy was a douche and I knew that from the other parties I had seen him at,he thought he could have any girl he wanted and it was infuriating and Colby knew that.

Me and Colby were nothing exclusive,we were only talking,so if he wants to act like I don’t exist in front of his friends maybe I can act like I don’t even know who Colby is.

I began grinding up on this guy as his hands rested on my rib cage, I immediately noticed his terrible hand placement and my mind began to drift back to Colby and how perfect his hand placement was.

I quickly snapped out of my thoughts as my arm was dragged away from him, “Dude what do you think your doing?!” He yelled over the music, “This is my girl,don’t fucking touch her.” I heard someone shout behind me,I looked behind me to see Colby.

He dragged me over to a corner where we weren’t easily seen, “What the fuck was that?” Colby roared.

“I was just having fun.” I shrugged and he didn’t like that answer,he pinned me into the corner and grabbed my hips,slightly harder than he usually would.

“Stand here and tell me you don’t want me and I’ll leave you alone,you won’t ever have to hear from me again.” He told me,I shook my head and quickly pulled him in for a kiss.

This kiss wasn’t lust filled,it wasn’t jealous. It was passionate and filled with genuine love. I smiled into the kiss before he pulled away.

“Y/n,be my girlfriend?” He asked and I quickly pulled him in for another kiss, “Ofcourse Colbs.” I said after pulling away.

[bisexual-horror-fan]

"The Best Gift He Can Give." Mickey Altieri X AFAB! Reader.

Okay, so the amazing and fantastic @mrsaltieri-real had a birthday a while ago, and I wrote this as a gift. I edited it to make it reader insert friendly and now I am sharing it with all of you! I hope you all enjoy it.

---

Rating. Explicit. Length. 5.4K. Mickey Altieri X AFAB! Reader. She/Her Pronouns. Warnings: Your Boyfriend David Fucking Sucks. Your Boyfriend Cheats On You. Apologies To Dudes Named David Who Don't Suck. Stalking. Breaking And Entering. Murder. Blood. Gore. Violence. Making Out. Grinding. Vaginal Fingering. Eating Out. Eating Ass. Hair Pulling. Spanking. Praise. Degredation. Rimming. Vaginal Sex. Cream Pie. Confessions Of Feelings.

---

There are people in this world who do not deserve anything. They don’t deserve kindness, or understanding, they don’t deserve friends, they don’t even deserve to breathe. One such asshole was your boyfriend, David. You don’t even know why he is your boyfriend, honestly you’ve had friends ask, and you are never sure much what to say. He treats you terribly, he is mean to you, rude, constantly picks fights, and it isn’t like you can say, “Well at least the sex is good-”

Because it is very much not. You’d been together for four years, and it had never been good.

Mickey didn’t know about that, though. All he knew to start is that you were cute, and he liked how you looked, the rest started to become revealed to him through watching you over time. He remembers the first afternoon he started to pick up on that very clearly. He was in the library, one table over, trying to do some actual work, sure he wasn’t paying for his degree, but he couldn’t exactly flunk out either, and he overheard an interaction, “Do you have to turn your pages so loud?”

Your head snaps up, looking over to him, Mickey’s own eyes flick up, but his head doesn’t raise, brows furrow in question mirroring yours as you ask, “Excuse me?”

“You are turning the pages of your book really loudly-” He drew out your name, focused on it, and that made your expression turn from somewhat annoyed confusion to outright disgust, a roll of your eyes. “Fuck off David.” 

His tone made Mickey’s skin crawl, “Sooo mature, this is a library, can’t you keep it down and show some class?” 

Mickey had to fight to keep his jaw from dropping, who the fuck was this guy, and why was he so comfortable talking to you like that? He thought boyfriends were supposed to be fucking nice to their girlfriends, and here he was treating you like he hated you, as if you were shit on the bottom of his shoe.

That was not the only time he saw you being treated so shamefully by David, either. Seems whenever he overheard, walked by, you were being talked down to by him or already mid-fight. 

Worse still he would complain about what you wore deriding any skin you wanted to show, and what you were into, he’d overheard him belittling your love of movies too. “How the fuck can you do that shit?”

“Do what shit, David?” You sighed, and he asked, “What the same fucking movies over and over, don’t you ever get bored?”

Your reply comes out almost bored, edging on annoyed, “Those same movies over and over are definitely more interesting than talking to you so-” 

“Woooow, is that any way to talk to me?” He’d ask, and Mickey would think to himself that you should treat him a Hell of a lot worse for how he acts.

You and Mickey had been friends in secret for a while, it had been a very quiet affair, mostly because David would be threatened and jealous, something that bugged Mickey, but he was just glad for the time spent with you and to get to know you. Small moments carved out whenever that prick wasn’t around became absurdly meaningful. 

One day he found you alone on a park bench on campus and seemingly very upset, he couldn’t leave you like that, your boyfriend isn’t around and so he comes forward until he is close enough to ask, “Hey uh, you good?”

Head raises, and you sniff, hands rushing to wipe at your nose and mouth, you nod shakily, mouth dry as you say, “Yeah, totally, so, so good.” 

He lets himself smile this kind of sad smile as he sits down beside you, humming out, “Why don’t I believe you?”

“Leave it alone.” You sigh, and he presses, “No way, there has to be a reason you’re this upset and I wanna know.” 

You slump back further into the bench, averting your gaze as you confess, “You caught me, M’ not good at all. I just found out that my boyfriend fucking cheated on me.” 

Immediate anger flares as does genuine concern for you, both emotions taking hold makes his eyebrows raise and his hand reach out to touch your elbow, your attention snaps back to him. Your eyes meet, and he says, “You can talk to me.”

“What is there to talk about?” It’s said very quietly, and his grip on you tightens by a fraction as he encourages, “Plenty. It isn’t healthy to keep this shit bottled up, what he did was fucked, talk to me about it.” 

You haven’t opened up in such a long time but right now, something in his eyes beckons you and the urge overtakes, you feel safe and think, maybe you should open up. Your stomach is churning, and you think, what harm could it do? You start to tell him, a verbal torrent that once it began it was impossible to stop, as you vent about David and the series of horrible things he had put you through in your relationship. He listens, and only when you stop for breath does he say, “You don’t deserve to be treated like this, you could do so much better than an asshole like him.”

A small shrug as you brush him off, “It’s easier to stay in this relationship because it’s all I’ve ever known. Even if I broke things off with him, he’d never really let me go.”

“What do you mean he wouldn’t let you go?” His question isn’t entirely unexpected, but you still struggle for a moment to respond, “I dunno, I just…I know he would put up a massive fight, and I couldn’t ever just make a clean break. He wouldn’t let that happen.” 

He licks his lips tentatively, an almost nervous action, “He…He doesn’t own you. Hon, you know that, right?”

You looked over at Mickey and said quietly, unconvincingly, “I know that.” 

He wasn’t sold. He hated the look in your eyes right now. Not only that, but he tried to break the tension and asked, “Is the sex that good or-?”

You laughed, head tipping back, genuine smile crossing your face, you shake your head as you catch your breath and tell him, “God no, it’s terrible! So vanilla, nothing but missionary, he never even eats me out.” You exhale and expound further, “He expects me to blow him too.” 

“Fuck off no way.” His reaction pulled another laugh out of you, and he insists, “You’re kidding.”

“I wish I was.” You sighed. He speaks with conviction, anger but not at you, never at you, more frustration at your situation and how you seemingly have just accepted it. “Why the fuck do you put up with this asshole? Seems like you are doing all the giving with no take.” 

A shrug as you tell him, refusing to look at him any longer, “I’ve grown used to it, it’s been just so long of the same thing, you know?” 

That was fucking bullshit. Sunk cost fallacy much? Clearly you were never going to get out from under this jerk’s thumb on your own, so he was going to do something about this. It would take some work, but you were more than worth it. He started to stalk him, determined to get real dirt on him, he learns his routine and becomes far too acquainted with even the most basic and mundane things about your boyfriend. 

It doesn’t take him long, around a month in is when Mickey catches David in the act of cheating, he was fucking some girl from his film class. 

It was infuriating! Here he has you, a total fucking catch, and he doesn’t appreciate you, mistreats you, and cheats on you on top of all that. What a complete piece of fucking trash.��

He has every intention of telling you when he has the adequate proof-

Wait.

What if he tells you and you still stay? You seemed so downtrodden, what if not even this is enough to convince you to leave? Fuck, that would be terrible, but he couldn’t let that hold him back. 

He just needed to stay on task, stay focused, and this could work out. He clung closer, tried to be around you more and provide more support, but that, as it turns out, only made it harder. Having to be confronted so frequently with the damage he was doing to you, how sad you were, it made him hurt in kind. He really fucking cared about you.

On top of all of this, his presence is apparently putting more pressure on your relationship. He comes across you and David having a loud and public altercation a few days later, as he gets closer he realizes it is about him. 

“You can’t tell me what to do!” You insist, and David bites back, “Oh, can’t I?”

“No! You can’t! What is the problem anyway?” You try to implore, and he isn’t having it, “I don’t like him! No, scratch that, I fucking hate him. You shouldn’t be talking to any guy, I don’t want you to even look in his direction-”

“You are so ridiculous-” 

He can’t stay. He can’t listen to this. Furthermore, he can’t stand idly by any longer. He is going to do something about this. 

Breaking into David’s place was easy, taking his time is what was difficult. He eases into his bedroom, costume on, knife already in his hand, and comes up to the bed. You were back at your own place, far away and hopefully peacefully sleeping, blissfully unaware of just what he was about to do for you, of the devotion he has and was about to display. 

He wanted to spit in the fucker’s face for what he did to you, more than that he wanted to main and mutilate him, wanted to inflict as much physical pain onto him as he inflicted mental pain onto you. He reached down, he ripped the blanket back, and with one smooth motion he stabbed the sharp blade into David’s stomach. 

The reaction was immediate, his eyes snapping open, mouth open in a soundless scream as it seems all the air leaves him, hands flying to his stomach trying to clutch at the blade but stopping short, afraid to touch the intrusion. He ripped the knife out and then stabbed it back in, immediately. He twists, David inhaled as much as he could but then breathed out, hiccuping on the air, it becomes a complete bloodbath. Mickey cuts, he stabs, he hurts him as he can’t hold back, and David chokes out, “Why?”

Mickey laughs, this cold and calculating kind of laugh before he takes the mask off, and then he starts to talk, “You are a pathetic excuse for a man, a worthless piece of trash-” 

The knife is ripped out and brought back down harder than before, the steel scrapes bone, and he sobs, “-you don’t deserve someone like her, you know that, right? You’ve been mistreating her for way too long.”

The metal wrenched free and then drove deeply inward again, the next sound of pain is a short gasp, Mickey tells him further, “That is why I am doing this, I am going to step in and take over.” 

David looked so pitiful, tears down his cheek, bloodstained and movements slowing, weakening. Mickey leaned down and told him lowly,“I’m going to make her feel so, SO much better than you ever did.” 

He is unrecognizable. Organs are laying all around him, cuts on his face making it, so his identity is basically gone, partially skinned in places. He wished he could have taken the time to skin him alive, fillet him like a fucking fish, but even that would be too good for him. He is sure that he has drained him of about half of his blood, the mattress is soaked, heavy and thick, there is a squelching sound when Mickey gets off the bed. The blood has soaked through the robe, it is staining his shirt and jeans he is positive of it, the handle of the knife is slick, he can feel coagulated blood that has gathered between his fingers, the clots are slippery and almost black.

There is one place he wants to be and it’s with you.

He goes to your place. 

It is obscenely late when you open the door, you are in your pyjamas, you look fucking gorgeous to him. 

“Mickey?” You rub over your eyes, suppressing a yawn, you ask, “What are you doing here?”

He pushes past you, comes inside as he starts to talk, “I had to come see you, I just did something amazing tonight-”

You close the door, he is talking quickly, a mile a minute, excited, manic. “I was thinking about what told me about David and I just got so fucking inspired, you know? So I decided I just had to do it, so I did but, darling, you need to tell me, what else didn’t he do for you?”

“What he didn’t do?” You repeat, softer, confused, and he nods, brows raised and eyes alight, mischievous, “Yes, tell me all the things he doesn’t do for you.”

It is then that you take him in awake enough to register, and notice what he is wearing. A black robe, almost plastered to his body, your eyes flit downwards, and you see that it’s shiny in a particular way that tattles on it being wet, but wet with what? Eyes catch red droplets on the ground coming off of the frayed edged of the black fabric, your gaze shoots back up. You smell the iron, and you see the small flecks of red on his face, and so the question tumbles out, “What is with the robe and is that fucking blood?”

This half smile on his face and a cock of his head as he tells you as if it couldn’t be more obvious, “I just killed David. For you sweetheart.”

You don’t feel angry or upset, to your complete surprise, you feel an insane and immense sense of relief that David is gone. You no longer have to put up with him. 

A sharp inhale as the feeling sinks in, you let it wash over you, not fighting it, letting it soak into your bones. Another question spills out as you ask, “What did you do to him?”

His grin is so wide you worry it hurts his face. 

“I snuck into his apartment, broke in with no issue, I crept into his bedroom and I stabbed a knife-” He brought one foot up, boot rested on the chair at your desk, hauling up the robe, careful not to get blood on more than he had already his hand grasps the hand of the knife. He unsheathes it from the holster that was strapped to his leg, his foot comes back down, he is holding the knife up, you can see the dried blood all over the blade and his hand, he continues to expound, “-this knife, into his stomach.”

He mimics the motion, smile still pulling his features tight, “He gasped and struggled, it was pathetic. I ran him through over and over, the sound was wet, the blood gushed.” 

A sigh crosses his lips, he is looking down at the blade, turning it over in his hands. You, too, are fixated on the glinting metal as it moves from one hand to the next. He keeps talking. “You’d think sound would be a concern. That he’d be screaming his fucking head off, right?”

You look up, he is staring at your face, expectant, you respond to the question, a shaky nod. He continues on, a point of his knife, “Wrong. When you stab someone right, it sucks all the air out of their lungs.” The images his is giving fills your head, of David lying there, bleeding and as Mickey put it, pathetic. He is still expounding. “I was relentless, kept stabbing him, he had no chance to catch his breath. You can’t scream if you can’t breathe.”

You listen enthralled as he describes how he cut flesh from bone, how chunks fell away, digging fingers into open wounds, manually separating cartilage and skin and muscle apart just because he could. He speaks of how much blood he drained and by the end of it you were breathing much harder as was he. Almost no space between the pair of you.

He is looking in your eyes, and he speaks, “I ask again, what did he never do for you?” 

You can’t help it, inquiring, “Why do you want to know so bad?” 

“Because sweetheart-” He sets the knife down on your desk, his hand reaches out to take yours, tacky with partially dried crimson, and he says, “-baby, darling, I want to make you feel all the things you’ve missed out on the past few years.” 

You are as explicit in describing what you’d been missing as he was when describing the violence he did to David. 

“He never made me cum with his mouth, his dick, not even his fingers. I haven’t felt a hot tongue on my clit in fucking years.” You start, a deep inhale before you force it out, speak in hushed tones, “He only ever fucked me in missionary, he never put a hand on my throat and choked me, never pulled my hair, he never praised me, fuck, Mick, he never even degraded me.”

You sigh now, “Never spanked me, never ate my ass, God do I want someone to eat my ass and above all else, he never overstimulated me-”

He cut you off. His mouth crashing into yours after far too long, he kisses you deeply, and you fall into it, into him. A moan into his mouth, hands reach out, fingers tangle in the sleeves, they feel damp, you flex your fingers, you squeeze, beads of blood squeeze through your fingers. Your tongue runs over his bottom lip, and you revel in the taste of him. Christ it was never like this with David, a simple kiss with Mickey was serving to do you in, the graze of his lips against yours, of his tongue brushing yours was sending sparks throughout you. 

Feet stumble back, you pull him with you, keep him near, unwilling to break the connection you’ve made and yet you do, a quiet mumbling of, “Get this fucking robe off-”, pulling on his sleeves for further emphasis. The contact is broken for him to listen and obey, he pulls the robe off and drops it onto the floor, the blood has soaked through to his t-shirt he was wearing, and again you are confronted with what he did. He killed David for you, the evidence of his care for you, of his total devotion is splattered all over him, plastering his shirt to him, soaked into thin fabric. 

This time, you are pulling him back to you, greedy and needy as you do so. Mouths meet again as you are moving backward, the back of your knees hit the edge of your mattress, and you let yourself fall, tugging him down with you. 

His leg slots between yours as his lips descend on yours again, you sink further into the mattress as he, in turn, sinks into you, melting into the contact, his leg presses closer, knee is tighter to you and that makes you inhale sharply. That sets something off in him. 

One of his hands moves, threads in your hair, and he tugs, it forcefully breaks the kiss and pulls a moan from you at the delicious rush of pain. His mouth moves, presses over your jaw, down your throat, and he makes your hips move on their own, grinding against him, desperate for more already. A squirm of your hips as you drag your clothed slit against his solid thigh, and the wash of pleasure makes you have to suppress a shudder, a whining moan held back as well as you bite your bottom lip. 

He notices immediately, pulling back from your neck, another tug of your hair, and he makes you look at him, “None of that shit, I don’t fucking care how late it is, I don’t care if every son of a bitch on this entire floor files a noise complaint, I want to hear you, no holding back.”

You are stunned, speechless, your hips shift, and you are drenched, underwear plastered to you and one of his hands locks onto your throat, he squeezes and says, “I’m not hearing you say yes.” 

You just cannot believe everything you’ve ever wanted has fallen into your lap, you choke out, “Yes, yes, please, fucking yes-”

He shuts you up with another kiss and that is how things seriously escalate, both of you rushing to undress each other. You hadn’t been wearing much to sleep, the tank top and shorts were removed, his shirt and shoes are off now, and he stops. You are looking up at him, admiring him the same way he is you, even with almost all his clothing removed there is still the mark of the crime he committed, blood left on his torso after leaking through his shirt, splatters on his arms, the small flecks on his face. He is looking at you like you are a full meal with nothing more in his way than damp lace, “Fucking Christ-”

He sighs, his fingers trace the curve of your breast before he fully takes it in his hand, he looks helpless in regard to what he wants to do, he follows the impulse, he leans down, and his mouth latches onto one of your nipples. His tongue circles and you sigh, arching up into him. 

His teeth graze as one of his hands slips between your thighs, he only gets one pass of his fingers over the wet material before he decides that isn’t good enough. Fingers hook in the thin garment, and he pulls, he hopes you didn’t give a shit about them because he cannot be bothered to remove them properly, he pulls until it rips and throws it aside. No chance of you complaining because his fingers are on you, strong digits press to you bare for the first time. 

Your eyes roll back with a soft, “Oh my fucking God-” which Mickey absolutely eats up as he starts to move, fingers trace slowly, dipping low, catching some mess and dragging it up, using it as lube to rub your clit. 

The increase in pleasure was immediate, your body slowly starts to tense as the feeling digs into your bones, you fully give in to what he is doing to you. 

“Do you know how much I’ve poured over this?” He asks, and you say quietly, “No.” 

“So many nights.” He confesses, his fingers pick up the pace, tight circles rubbed, and he tells you more, “I’d think about this, about having you under me, about doing-” Two fingers ease inside of you, and he moans like it’s his pleasure, breathing out, “-this.” 

“You feel better than I ever thought you could, so fucking wet, so soft.” He groans, and you arch closer, his palm presses nearer, he moves and works with you, fingers curling into that sweet spot and hand grinding over your clit. You listen, and you feel, minutes later, very quickly between his hushed words and expert touch you are shivering and telling him, “M’ close Mickey-” 

“Fuck yes, do it.” The firm command makes it impossible to stop, you tip over and cum. It feels phenomenal, it’s been ages since anyone has done this, showed this level of care and investment in your enjoyment. He doesn’t relent, keeps his pace steady and consistent, and draws out every bit of feeling he can from your high. 

He doesn’t let you rest, your body sinks back into the mattress, you are panting, and he slides his fingers out of you and right into his mouth. Not only that, but he tastes you for the first time and moans from the salt and tang of you coating his tongue. 

“You taste better than anything I’ve ever put in my mouth.” He slips down your body, drags of his lips lighting further fire in you until he settles between your thighs, his mouth latches onto your still very sensitive clit and your thighs clamp around his head immediately. Your hand shoots down, fingers in his stupidly attractive hair, and you moan loudly, just as he wants you to. 

He was ravenously hungry but still taking his time with this, he forces himself to slow down just a touch, he knows you haven’t had this in years thanks to that douchebag of an ex-boyfriend. He laps at your leaking slit, from hole all the way up to your throbbing clit, he swirls his tongue around the boarders once, twice, three times before passing over it again, making you gasp out his name. 

Mickey luxuriates in the act and does his best to ensure that you do as well, sucks with purpose and is quickly rocketing you to another orgasm, you can barely string together a sentence to warn him of that, but he knows, fingers twist further in his hair, and you pull with a cry of his name, in another two short minutes you are cumming again, it’s stronger than the first, you are louder than you were last time, but he continues. He doesn’t stop on your come down, he just slows, goes lighter, his licks are running up the length of you, between your lips and on top of your twitching bud, over and over, methodical, and you can’t stop shaking. 

Somehow through the haze of pleasure you manage to speak, calling out to him, “Mi-Mickey, oh my fucking God-”

He lifts his mouth, you expect him to give you a breather or to give some pithy response that will turn you on further and make you leak more, but instead his hands are on your hips, he tilts them up and his tongue dives lower. His tongue circles over your asshole, and you actually sob, shocked and broken from the sudden stab of ecstasy that hits your gut, your hand leaving his hair, instead gripping at the sheets. You can’t stop from squirming, which makes his job harder, you hear something that sounds akin to a mildly annoyed growl. 

One of his hands lifts off your hip, and he lands a firm smack on your ass as he grits out, “Stop squirming so much babe, let me make you feel good.” 

He gets back to it and your head is thrown back against the pillows, you try, you really do, but his tongue flicks just so and your body bucks. He instead flips you over onto your stomach roughly manhandling you, one hand pulling your hips up, and he dives back in tongue first. He eats your ass with passionate fervour, whenever you buck too much he reminds you to behave with another hit to your ass cheek. His hand that wasn’t on your hip slides under, and he circles your clit with fast and clever fingers. 

The sharp slaps of pain and combined with him being tongue deep in your ass and rubbing your clit makes you cum embarrassingly fast yet again and harder still, legs trembling so much you almost fall on your face, with an ample gush onto his chin while sobbing his name into the pillow.  

When you stopped shaking he came up, another smack to your ass, his chest to your back as he leans down and praises right in your ear, “Oh good fucking girl.”

You start to babble out into the damp pillowcase, “Mi-Mickey, ‘lease, fuck me, need you-”

He hums, and you hear his belt open, finally getting his pants open, he inhales sharply in relief, the pressure easing from him opening his pants. The rest of his clothes are discarded, and he pauses. His hand on your sore ass, right on the spot he kept hitting over and over, his thumb traces down, spreading your lips, over your hole, and he sighs, “I have been dying to get inside this cunt.”

He lines up, he pushes his hips forward and sinks deep inside you, in one swift and smooth motion. The moan you share is like music, beautiful, melodic, passionate collaboration. His hand goes into your hair, he fucks you like that, face down ass up, he starts a quick pace initially, rough, needy and you love it. His body is covering yours as he breathes into your ear, “You feel incredible, oh my God-” His head tips back with a loud moan, he drives into you over and over, “-fucking stunning too, you are so gorgeous.” 

It has been entirely too long since you’ve been fucked in any position other than missionary. The sensation, his weight on your back, the sound of skin on skin, his breath in your ear, it’s fucking perfection. You rock back with him, meet him in the middle, you were giving back, showing just how desperately you want him in kind makes Mickey let out this sound, caught between a groan and something more possessive, not explicitly words, but it hits you low in your gut. 

He starts to slow down, takes a little more time, and you are moaning louder and louder, you are so worked up, so sensitive, you feel alive and electric. On one level it feels like you can feel every ridge and vein of him and on another like you can’t determine up from down, completely drunk on feeling. 

You completely lose track of how many times you get off that night, the pace will switch on a whim, from hard pounding and him calling you every name in the book to more easy and sensual, a writhing joint movement instead of an aggressive pounding. 

You ride him, grind one out on top of him while he cradles your breasts, thumbs passing over your nipples as he calls you a beautiful fucked out angel. 

He fucks you spooning, hand around you and between your thighs, strumming your clit with one hand, the other locked on your throat as he is fucking in and out.

The only thing that seems to make it stop is you literally sobbing for it to. Your cheeks are wet, you are babbling his name and the word stop, you have one leg over his shoulder and the other is pinned down near your knee by him. His stamina was impressive, he’d already cum once when you were riding him, had filled you up, but instead of that stopping it, he just flipped you over, still hard, and kept fucking going, his own cum providing even more lube.

That was a while ago, you could tell that he was near again, sweat down the side of his face, movements of his hips sloppy, panting your name over and over. You know you can’t again, you are too fried, too overstimulated and finally, just as the soreness is starting to teeter on the other side of being more unpleasant and painful than pleasurable he holds deep and cums again. 

You feel totally boneless, your arms feel heavy as you wrap them around him loosely, his head dips down and rests on your shoulder, you are just trying to catch your breath.

He gets his back faster than you. 

He is still inside of you when he comes back up, fingers push some of your hair aside as he looks down into your eyes. Your chest is still rising and falling rapidly as he confesses, for what must be the third time tonight, telling you, “I fucking care about you.”

A strong belief that is nothing but the truth hits, “You deserve way better than him, I wish I could have met you sooner so you could have had those years back of someone who actually gives a shit about you instead of that asshole.” 

You want this, want him, damned what that says about you or your morals, you don’t care as you tell him, “Fuck that selfish cunt, forget about him, let’s just make up for lost time.” 

He has every intention of doing just that.

[t-allyitup]

just found the note in my notes app with basic character backgrounds for all of my fics so i wanted to list some things that i feel like are super applicable to all of them:

eddy: "spruce blue" eyes, definitely matured since middle school and is pretty self assured but still insecure and coming out will be the final nail in the coffin for his insecurity and identity issues probably, not a morning person

ed: cystic acne and freckles literally everywhere, clairvoyant moments/super intuitive, wants to be a freelance artist and will end up making the most money out of the three eds

edd: bi king, burnout king but not academically it's more identity-wise ... he knew so much so early about everything that his own identity kind of got lost in the sauce, best school subjects are all of them but he secretly kinda struggles with english because he doesn't like that there's no right answer hence his expansive vocabulary and over explaining things, really wants everyone to get along and he's willing to manipulate everyone into getting along too, definitely going into some science field but he probably won't leave peach creek even though he says he's only staying in community college for two years

jonny: reddish-dark brown hair, very creative and thoughtful but both of those things also make him really depressed and he's actually lowkey going through it, works at a dollar tree, really likes making bleach-dyed clothes for some reason

nazz: bisexual baddie but really bad comphet even though no one cares that she's bi, very authentic but has lots of insecurities, does NOT think anything through, hairspray queen

kev: when he's comfortable he opens up a lot especially with girls with guys he has more of a wall up prob because of toxic masculinity and bc he's closeted even though he doesn't know it yet, d1 crashout just very good at hiding it, not good at handling rejection

rolf: sleeve tattoo (hand poked, traditional style of his country), rolf is actually who kevin thinks he is (or wants to think he is)-very chill strong sense of self/identity, gets migraines pretty often, strong work ethic & hella discipline but also very lazy and smart enough to trick people into working for him (kinda like eddy), really into chemistry and science

sarah: wears lots of peacock blue, sarcasm queen, compensates for feeling inadequate and insecure by being mean, secretly jealous of her older brother for the way he doesn't care what other people think, big fan of the ocean and marine animals, victim of the early 2000s dolphin everything epidemic so half her room is covered in lisa frank dolphin paraphernalia, works in retail

jimmy: philosophy twink, thinks he's super smart and he actually is but can be super pretentious about it, not easy to get along with, trying to be more authentic but he doesn't really like people in general so it's hard, got a labradoodle and hasn't shut up about it

[sammygender]

thing is, in canon deans already forced into the role of emotionally supporting and caring for john. you know that journal entry where johns like... dean tried to comfort me which means hes old enough to shoot guns now. if dean was a girl i dont think johns thoughts would jump to the whole intense raise him to be dad's perfect soldier the same. itd be more like Marys dead but at least i have my daughter... shes just like mary fr....... shes so comforting to me...... girls always are said to be more mature than boys and deans definitely an old soul......... itd be like. john going off hunting and leaving his eldest daughter at home to look after his son like a stay-at-home wife <3. john probably doesnt raise girl dean to be a soldier from quite such a young age.

BUT. he still definitely does raise her to be a solider. john respects women (? he thinks he does at least!). women can be just as capable as men, and john's going to raise a strong woman, goddamnit. dean gets these contradictory messages about how she shouldnt be TOO girly, and about how she's cool because she's tomboyish and tough and not some whiny girl, but john also wants her to be a Girl. hes a military man and he still has gender roles ingrained. hes not going to take his 6 year old daughter out to shoot a gun, even though he is going to give her her toddler brother to raise. he is however going to take his 10 year old daughter out to shoot a gun! he wants her to be tough after all. she still has to be a hunter and work to avenge her mother.

its like. i dont know. john is happy he has a Daughter and as a result hes probably less hard on her in the training respect. he like. buys her kiddie nail varnish kits to indulge the fact shes a Girl. hes sweeter with her, at least at first. and kid dean dutifully plays with them a little but also gets the sense that, actually, dad wants a son, and sam's too young to be that yet, so dean tries her best to be both as good as any son of dad's could be AND the reincarnation of her dead mother.

i also think as a result of girl dean, john is harder on sam. sam is probably in some ways more coddled (by dean) and less coddled (by john). john worries about sam becoming too girly (read weak) under dean's influence.... which fucks with dean's head so hard. now sam has to shoulder the entire weight of being His Fathers Son. which is also a weight dean is kind of sort of insanely jealous of. like how in canon johns all like 'i dont think sam has the same killer instinct as dean....' itd be that except combined with classic old-fashioned gender worries. 'sammy hates hunting, and deanie likes it too much. have i gone wrong somewhere?'

[veganpeachpie]

So I just watched Little Women (1994), and I have some mixed feelings about how they portrayed the romantic relationships.

Firstly, I really liked how they did Jo and Friedrich's romance in this adaptation. I feel like a big part of how they bonded and grew close was through mutual respect for each other as they talked about writing. She grew comfortable enough to share her writing, and was then mature enough to accept the honest criticism he had for her. He wasn't trying to be mean or harsh, and I thought he expressed his thoughts in a respectful manner. In the book, Friedrich's criticism is that her writing is catered to the public so she can make money, and thus feels hollow since she is compromising her values and not being true to herself. I thought he shared that thought really well when he tells Jo that she should write from her experiences and not write copies of what is popular (modern ya authors could take note.....).

This is way better than the 2019 adaptation, which really did Friedrich dirty when he tells Jo that her writing is "not good" without any further elaboration, and really makes him appear stuck up and leaves viewers wondering why Jo would like a guy like him. She then throws a bit of a fit and storms out of the room angry, which I actually think is somewhat justified given how he gave no explanation for why her writing is bad.

However, my one criticism of this portrayal is that I really wish they had picked someone a bit closer in age to Winona Rider to be Friedrich. As great of an actor Gabriel Byrne is, it felt a little creepy seeing a 44 year old Friedrich going after 23 year old Jo, even though I know that's close to accurate to the book ages (~25 and mid-thirties). But that's more my personal preference than anything, so it's not much of a criticism.

I was not a huge fan of Amy and Laurie's relationship development. They had so little time to show their budding relationship, and there was maybe one scene between him saying he wanted to marry her to be part of the March family (and her angry response that she wants to be married because of herself) and her accepting his proposal. The implication is that he goes to London to work for his grandfather to improve himself as a result of Amy's influence for a while before going back to propose again, but I wish we could have seen more development in his character (stopping drinking/gambling/flirting ridiculously) to understand why he and Amy are good for each other. The whole reason they fit together is because she is practical and logical, a grounding presence for his romantic sensibilities, but we just don't see any of that in this movie.

I also found it creepy when teen Laurie says to 12 year old Amy that he'll kiss her before she dies. On second thought, Laurie was doing a lot of weirdly forceful kissing action throughout the whole film, particularly when he proposed to Jo. She was very obviously not comfortable with it, and he kissed her completely out of the blue. He did it again when he proposed to Amy under the tree and reminded her of his childhood promise, and his speech about being jealous of any man going after the March girls really made me uncomfortable. I guess the implication could be that he was speaking drunkenly, but I think that would make it worse. It makes me sad how he was portrayed so negatively in this adaptation because he's such a lovable person in the book.

[lfghughes]

hi!!!

could you do one with Matthew Tkachuk? Him and his girlfriend at a post-victory party, you walk away for a few seconds and a big, drunk man tries to hit on you in a rude way. Imagine a jealous and overprotective Tkachuk.

a/n: i feel like i say this a lot but this was one of the most fun things i've ever written so i hope you enjoy it. overprotective tkachuk might just be my favorite thing and yes i had to use this gif.

warning: cursing, alcohol, fighting, and slight smut mention at the very end

The boys were leading the series 3-0 and even though it was still early to celebrate because if anyone knew about making comebacks when you were down by 3 it was your boyfriends team. But you all still wanted to celebrate the fact that you made it this far into playoffs and you were one win away from going to the Stanley cup final. The pre-mature celebration was going to happen regardless and you knew if or when that final win happened you guys would do it all over again.

There were plenty of drinks going around the bar and well the Panthers team definitely knew how to get a party started here in South Florida. “Hey babe, I’m gonna run to the bathroom real quick. Can you hold my drink?” You asked Matthew and he immediately grabbed your cup from you. Not only was he great on the ice but he made a fantastic bag holder and cup holder when needed. This was something you teased him about constantly.

On your way back from the bathroom you searched the crowd and it was hard to find Matthew in the mix of all the teammates and just regular people that were out but finally your eyes landed on him. As you were making your way back to him someone caught your arm and when you turned to see who you were a little surprised because it was some stranger. When you had first been grabbed you had figured it was one of the boys trying to get your attention but not a stranger. “Excuse me sir.” You pulled your arm away and immediately felt uncomfortable because you could tell this guy had way too much to drink.

“I was just wondering if I could buy a pretty girl like you a drink?” You should have just walked away and left the conversation as soon as you could but instead you shook your head. “I’m good! My boyfriend is holding my drink over there.” You pointed out to him but you realized Matthew was not where you last saw him. Now came the nerves. “Just because you have a boyfriend doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate ya.”

Yeah, you needed to walk away but there were too many bodies around not letting you move but before you could even try to wriggle around people you saw the strangers body get pulled away from you and your boyfriend stepped in between you two. “I don’t know what the hell you’ve been saying to my girlfriend but you need to leave her alone.” You were used to Matthews aggressiveness on the ice and you had seen his jealous side come out before but this was different.

“Go mind your own business, I was just offering to buy your pretty girlfriend a drink maybe she should be more appreciative.” This was going to get bad, you could tell by Matts body language and the way he tensed up. “She is my business so step back.” That should have been enough warning but clearly it wasn’t because the guy stepped forward closer. Before you could grab Matthew and walk away fists started flying and it took a solid five minutes before the security in the bar and the other boys could pull Matthew off the other.

It was no surprise that Matthew got asked to leave and you gladly left with him because this night had clearly gone down the drain. “I’m sorry for ruining your night out.” You told him quietly as you walked to the car. He stopped immediately, stepping in front of you and placing his hand gently on the side of your face. “You didn’t do anything, that guy was an ass.” A small smile grew on your lips as you looked up at him. “I will say it was pretty hot when you got all overprotective.” You pointed out and a smirk grew on his lips. “Oh yeah? Well I guess I should get us home so you can show me how hot you think I was.”

[anime-fan-05]

May I please request headcanons for Nana O, Reira, Yasu, and Shin dating a female rapper and singer whose music is similar to Lauryn Hill and is heavily acclaimed with many awards won? Bonus if she's African-American too :)

Here's Lauryn Hill's most popular song for reference:

Honestly the whole album is spectacular!

Nana ~With an African-American female rapper and singer similar to Lauryn Hill~

Manga/anime: Nana

Warnings: mild spoilers about Shin's childhood (only where he grew up), Reira's origins and Yasu's past (only his previous relationships)

O. Nana

She doesn't care if you aren't Japanese; rather, she loves hearing you talk about your culture and she even gets help from you with English

I'm pretty sure she likes your music, since it's very close to the genre she sings, especially the part where you rap

She often comes to hear you at rehearsals, and she even does duets with you (she glares at anyone who dares to say your rehearsals are closed to the public or you two can't duet)

Sometimes, though, she's a little jealous of your success, and she feels she isn't up to your level, which is why every now and then you've to reassure her she's more than enough for you

She's always in the front row at your concerts, but, being the tsundere she's, she'll never admit it ("Did you see me in the front row? You must have been mistaken, imagine if I come to your concert hours early to take the front seat!" She always does so)

O. Shin'ichi (Shin)

He doesn't feel particularly Japanese, having grown up abroad, so it doesn't bother him you're African-American, but if someone makes fun of you for that, he'll defend you, even to the point of getting into fights

He really likes your music, and he often listens to it when he composes some songs

He's always at your concerts and your awards: he always makes sure he doesn't have any plans for that day

When you sing in your house, he stops everything he's doing to listen to you; he also often records you to then watch and listen to you when you've to stay away for your work

However, those moments don't happen very often, since he demands to come with you when you go on tour; once, during one of your tours, he even took the plane without telling you and, when you went to the hotel, you found him in the lobby

T. Yasushi (Yasu)

He really likes you're of a different ethnicity than him (after all, he was engaged to Reira, who's half American): he finds it very interesting and fun to share your different cultures with each other and he also wonders what your future children will be like

I think he likes your music; anyway, even if he didn't like it, he would still support you, coming to your concerts and helping you with rehearsals

About the latter, when you rehearse, he often accompanies you with the drums (sometimes, if you try at home, you may receive unpleasant visits from neighbors)

Instead, regarding your concerts, he has no problem revealing he wants to be in the front row or to come and visit you in the dressing room: for him there's nothing wrong with supporting his girlfriend

Every time you've to go on tour, he apparently accepts it with maturity, but in reality he's very sad not to see you, and above all hear you, for a while

S. Reira

Since she's half Japanese and half American, you probably give her a feeling of familiarity and being with you makes her feel like she's in America

Although your music isn't too much for her (I've always thought she likes very melodic songs, like her band's ones, and not too rhythmic or rock ones), she likes your voice and even the more melodic parts of your songs

In addition, she's your number one fan, although you two often compete in the rankings and to win awards

In fact, whenever she talks to her band, she has to include you in the conversation: she always appoints you, whether it's mentioning your tastes, your opinions or your victories and awards

She hates it when she or you have to go on tour, because it means being away for weeks; she calls you every night, and she also wants someone to video call her while you perform, so it's as if she were there

I truly apologize for not being very active during this period, but I took a quick break from Tumblr for a while due to school. However, now that the Christmas holidays are here, I'll post more regularly.

💮 Rules 💮 Masterlist 💮

[pennyserenade]

there is a plethora of good x-files fanfics out there and i've just started to develop the problem of reading a very good one and not being able to find it again. because of this - and because all of these are genuinely novel worthy and the writers are INSANELY talented - i've decided to compile a list of some of my absolute favorites. some of these are from ao3 & some of them i found on other websites, such as x-libris and the gossamer project. i hope you enjoy these as much as i did and do. they mean the world to my romantic heart.

incrementum by lepusarcticus (explicit) - this was the first x-files fanfic i ever remember reading. i was trying desperately not to spoil the show for myself and i found out that this fic followed along the narrative, which was a godsend. i got the best of both worlds: a delectable, angsty passionate mulder/scully fic (in which they fucked from day 1) and no spoilers. it was so so so so fun reading this alongside watching the show. this writer is brilliant

omens by lepusarcticus (explicit) - i was not lying when i said this writer is brilliant. this entire thing reads like a novel and i could not for the life of me put it down when i stumbled upon it. its angsty and interesting, and could very well be another episode of the x-files because the case mulder and scully are one is so compelling. it is not easy feat to write something this good. chris carter, eat your heart out

triptych by iconicscullyoutfits (not rated but i'd say mature) - THIS WAS SO FUCKING GOOD. i can't speak highly enough about this one. its an au where mulder is married to diana fowley when he meets scully. its so so so so amazing. like i'd very well call this literature because it expanded my mind (i learned a great deal from this, especially from the chapter ice). i think diana was a very interesting character and i feel as though this fic treats her with the interest she deserves. the writing in this one is simply insane too - i'm envious of it and so so so in love with it.

love in all the wrong places by sisterspooky1013 (explicit) - mulder and scully accidentally have cybersex with each other while trying out online dating group chats. what more can i say? (also i applaud this author for making mulder's online handle allshookup61. that's so fucking mulder)

universal invariants (set from 1 to early season 2) and its sequel, laws of motion (set season 5) (both explicit) by syntax6 - these both hold such a special place in my heart. it is an au that takes on the idea that scully's bf (who was cut from the pilot, never to see the light of day) stays in the picture and there when dana starts working with fox. universal invariants makes me want to weep to because dana and fox are both so young and earnest and stupid! and laws of motion is great because they're still stupid but they're wiser about it. this is very dana and fox. i love, love, love the parts of universal invariants that cover dana's abduction arc. god these are GOOD.

arizona highways by fialka (explicit) - if you're one of those girlies who really likes an x-files episode that has a lot of case-file and scully going on, this one is FOR you. it is angsty in the worst of ways, covering more of what we see in the episodes christmas carol and emily. this is another one that i would call a novel, both in length and content. it is great and it is a very good dive into the character of scully and how she handles problems in her life

heart's desire by malibusunset (explicit) - this another really great scully-focused fic, where mulder is being a bit of an ass - as he is prone to - but she makes him come to his senses accidentally. i love a good jealous mulder and i love it even more when scully isn't exactly aware she's making him that way. this is so good that i stayed up an entire night reading it. you should too!

the guts / the incision / cauterize by wtfmulder (not all of the chapters are explicit but i would call this explicit in general) - this one is so fucking angsty it made me ache incredibly. it is a sucker punch to the gut that only the lovers (or rather, dedicated haters) of the diana/fox/dana situationship can truly appreciate. also, if you like your mulder a bit of an ass (i do! i think he really can be! i think its good to talk about!) this author is for you!!!

doorway to gods by wtfmulder (explicit) - a fic where mulder & scully go investigate a supposed portal to other dimensions shortly after scully recovers from cancer, and they both find themselves in separate hellish alternative universes where other mulder & scullys aren't doing so well. this is angsty, TOP TIER angsty. some of the scenes from this i think about often still and i read this a month ago. also this is hot. i can't not mention that small fact

the tiger complex by longgunguy (i'd say r for graphic violence but no sex or anything) - i'll be real, there isn't a whole lot of mulder/scully romance in this thing, aside from the a hand hold and a lot of quiet affection but this IS the x-files. in another world, this fic is an episode and it is brutal. you'll be biting your nails as you make your way through this one. its got a great cast of original characters and an incredible case-file, up there with an episode like ice.

[anistarrose]

okay serious inquiries now, i wanna hear about the adopted ango fic and freak4freak4freak4freak 👀

(WIP meme here, still taking asks!)

thank you once again, fex! I feel like I've mentioned the Lucretia adopts Angus fic to you before, it's the one where she raises him on the Bureau and he even gets to have an ambiguously evil Red Robe uncle (who is allowed to give him piano lessons, because Lucretia is a total softie).

more relevant to the only writing I've completed, though, is the way THB meet Angus on the Bureau, and Angus actually sneaks off to get on the Rockport Limited with them once he hears there's a murder mystery in play. Lucretia obviously panics about this, because she does not want her son getting anywhere near a Relic — and this Angus & Taako scene is dealing with the fallout. the writing's old and there's stuff I'd change but the skeleton of it holds up, IMO. bit of outsider-looking-in on Ango and Lucretia's relationship:

Taako raps on the door to Angus’s room, trying not to sound neither too threatening nor too invested. “Hey, it’s, uh — it’s cha boy. Taako. Can I… come in?” “Whatever,” Angus sniffs, which is…  Well, Taako hasn’t known Angus for long, but that doesn’t sound at all like the polite, oddly mature little pipsqueak Taako’s gotten so used to seeing around the Bureau. He really is upset. Shit.  Taako wishes he could just send in the big armored teddy bear instead, ‘cause Magnus might comfort the kid with some actual success — but of course, Taako had to be the only one loitering to hear two distinct voices being raised in the Director’s office. To see Angus bolting out of a debriefing with his actual mom, covering his face with his hat and making a mad dash for his bedroom across the quad. Angus clearly loves his mom, and the Director clearly loves her kid. Taako never got any bad vibes from either — just vibes of a weird kid, in the care a parent with a weird enough job, that things cancelled out and everyone’s weird, weird needs got met. In a way he’d never admit, it actually made Taako kind of jealous. But Angus is upset, probably shedding tears, over the debriefing-turned-argument that Taako didn’t mean to overhear — So he opens the door, and steps into Angus’s room.

Angus has trauma and it's causing him to catastrophize about the argument, worrying his Mom will send him off the Bureau to keep him safe and he'll lose the only family he has. so Taako kind of clumsily, uncomfortably, tries to reassure Angus — that because "the Director" cared enough to adopt him, she would never throw him out for nothing.

but then... Angus spills the beans. the Director has "a brother" who definitely isn't bio-related to her, but the adopted nature of their family doesn't keep them from having an extremely terse relationship that they only even keep that civil for Angus's sake. so Angus is very scared that if two people he thinks are good people could have chosen to be family once, but then turn out Like That, then who's to say the same won't happen to him?

obviously, Taako isn't even getting the "evil Red Robe" piece of information in the story — but even so, he just has no idea of how to respond to that.

*

also, freaky found family! that was the one I was actually writing most actively before work picked up, but you can expect me to finish it as soon as I'm unemployed again if not sooner lmao. it's BLT Trio plus Kravitz (or Reaper Squad plus Taako, if you prefer) hurt/comfort and cuddling, but it starts out with house hunting fluff:

Kravitz sniffs the air, in the direction of the charred crater in the wall. “Is it just me, or is there, like… a smell coming from the Hole? I mean, we agreed the house is probably on the market because of the Hole —” “Yeah, oh, completely. But the — the Hunger smell? Dav figured out a couple days back that baking soda can handle it.” Barry puts his hand on his hip, shaking his head and smiling. “Never had to figure that one out before, the way things were, but — but good ol’ sodium bicarb, turns out that does the trick —” “Oh, good,” Kravitz says. “I have lots of that on hand to deal with zombies.” “Ah, mix it into your salt circles, right?” “Obviously. I like a three-to-one ratio. Does the job, and cost-effective.” “Man, they should — uh, they should pay you to go on baking soda commercials.” “I’ll keep that in mind, Barry.”

[sweetchuckaboo]

Hello :3 i have come with yet another info dump about my OL2 OC, Mei Mei! This time in step 2! I don't have a drawing of her in step 2 YET but i'll make one soon enough, i'm still learning and i try to take it slow to not tire myself too much, but i still love to share stuff about my oc, because this is such a beautiful fandom and i love to be part of it 💕 with that said, i'll get into it.

But first, i made a playlist for Teen Meiling in spotify, if you want to, you can check it out whenever you please.

— As you can see in the image, Mei still goes by a more femenine leaning, she is sure and proud of being a girl, but she tries to keep her mind open to make sure to support all her friends during their own journey to discover themselves.

— She goes by Mei instead of Mei Mei, she thinks that only one 'Mei' makes her look more mature.

— Mei started learning chinese and german to surprise Tammy and Qiu, she likes to explore and learn about different cultures and languages, and what's better to start than with her best friends cultures? It also helps that she decided to explore her own roots, since she has chinese heritage.

— She sometimes asks Qiu's parents for cute nicknames in chinese and sneaks them into conversations just to see Qiu's reaction, even if sometimes even they get confused with the meaning.

— Just reciently, Mei discovered that she likes people regardless of their gender

— Mei changed her berets for bows! And now uses her hair pulled up or braided instead of just let down.

— She is still not a fan of noise, when she listens to music she makes sure to set it in a low volume so she can be comfortable, because despite everything she loves music a lot.

— She got into baking and cooking, so Opal taught her how to use the stove and the oven safely, now Tammy and Qiu are always the firsts to taste whatever Mei tries a new recipe

— Lately, her heart starts beating faster whenever she's near Tammy, tee hee :3

— She noticed that her two best friends have drifted off from each other, and though she still likes to hang out with both of them at once, she gives each of them their own space and doesn't force them to be together when they don't want to be.

— She likes going on silent walks with Tammy, but the forest still scare her, so she uses two of her fingers to hold onto Tamarack's clothes when she allows it.

— Mei never says it outloud, but she's content with the way her friends have changed into more reserved and calmed people, she still misses their enthusiasm, but now she feels like she can keep up with them.

— Mei is still over the moon for Qiu, but she's worried that they might not feel the same for her, same case with Tammy, so she decided to keep her feelings in control and not let them be too obvious.

— She's still a little shy, but she feels more secure about herself and has opened up a little bit thanks to Tammy and Qiu.

— Mei enjoys making little braids in Qiu's hair when they allow her to, she can play with their hair for hours non-stop.

— When she's alone, she writes love poems and letters for Qiu and Tamarack, but they always end up stuffed in a shoe box in her closet, not even close to be read by the person they're meant to.

— She spents a lot of time daydreaming, she likes to stay in home more than being out there, loneliness is a feeling she have long forgotten.

— Her relationship with Opal has turn a little complicated, she still loves her mom with her whole heart, but she doesn't see Opal as someone she can go to unless there's no other choice, Qiu and Tammy are the only people she trusts completely to keep her secrets and worries.

— Mei now gets along better with Baxter and Ren, and feels silly for having resented them as a kid, though she still gets a little jealous when Qiu hangs out more with them.

— When Mei needs quick advice, she pays granny a visit to have a little talk, she feels her as her own Omi 💕

— Mei still doesn't like school not even a little bit, but she does her best to pay attention and learn a lot so she can help Autumn later because she knows they can get distracted easily during class.

— Mei enjoys singing a lot, and has a little bit of talent with it, so sometimes she starts humming without even realizing it until someone points it out.

— Mei has a new bike, but she prefers walking, she only uses her bike when she needs to be somewhere as soon as possible.

— She likes playing minecraft, and sometimes asks Qiu to sit with her to watch fnaf gameplays because she gets scared easily (this is historically accurate i just googled it ☝🤓) she also turns down the volume of those videos.

— She still wishes she could be a cloud.

Idk if i'm missing something, i feel like i do but this is all i have for now xP thanks for reading 💕

[ashsostrange]

i’m (not) sorry to say, but miles is better off by himself.

idk if i’ve ever written a post this long, but i got energy tonight. y’all have been sucked into the black hole of shipping, so let me ground you and remind you of this amazing thing called being single. i’m gna talk ab margo and gwen, but mostly gwen bc she’s obv miles’ (main) love interest. i’ve said more than enough about why miles and gwen don’t work/make sense. if you wna be enlightened then feel free to click the links.

thoughts on ghostflower: here!

reblogging a moot's post w/ added thoughts: hereee!

i love ranting so let’s get it! 😛

i don't have much to say about margo bc sadly, she's barely there. what i will say though is that as cute as miles and margo would be together, there’s one more movie left lol. the third movie’s gna be busy as hell. there’s literally no time for romance, and to rush miles and margo (two people who just met) into liking each other in, like, a three hour timespan would just be terrible writing. plus, we all know she’s there for some bs having to do with miles nd gwen, which is literally soooooooo very lame, words can't describe. one, where are you finding the time to cram in jealousy/all this angsty romance mess when miles’ dad is ab to die and the universe is ab to collapse bc of a nigga that looks like the lovechild of a cardboard box and a cow?? two, is this really all margo is here for?? to make gwen jealous or “help miles realize he’s in love with gwen” ?? shameeee, like summer said. 😐 i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: margo could be SO much more than a disposable love interest!!!

gwiles/ghostflower fans, i’m going to tell you something that will make you upset. i said i was coming for you and i meant it 🗣️‼️

before you yell at me and push smoke out of your ears, i need you to put your right hand on your chest and close your eyes. you feel your heartbeat? good. now, count to three while taking deep breaths and remember that none of this shit is real so you’d look stupid af trying to attack me. 🙃 some of y’all are getting TOO comfortable being unnecessarily disrespectful and ion like that lol. don’t try it here bc i’m on another level of not gaf!

listen, even if (when?) gwen and miles team up to save his dad, it won’t change the fact that gwen was keeping some hefty info from miles, yo. she was smiling in jeff’s face and cracking jokes like she didn’t know he was bout to die. y’all gotta be so very real with yourselves. you wouldn’t wna date, let alone be FRIENDS with someone who kept something that big from you, regardless of the circumstances or lack of ill intent. one of the most important people in your life concealing the fact that you’re about to lose another important person in your life is insane.

i’m aware that gwen didn’t tell miles about his dad because she genuinely thought it’d cause mass destruction if he saved jeff. thing is, even if miles knew that, i think he’d still feel betrayed. that’s 100% valid because this is his dad we’re talking about. he just lost his uncle not too long ago, too. i wouldn’t blame miles if he never wanted anything to do with gwen again. i wouldn’t blame bro if he got sick to his stomach every time he saw her. it’d be justified, bc if he never followed her that night, then he wouldn’t have had the chance to save jeff.

my point is that you can be a “good person” and still fuck up bad enough to make someone never wna speak to you again. miles is a sweetheart so he’ll probably forgive gwen. my thing is, miles forgiving gwen doesn’t mean the two of them are obligated to be friends again. they can handle it maturely, go their separate ways, nd never speak again. it’s really not even gna hurt y’all cuz it’s the last mf movie anyway??? 😭😭

if it isn’t clear by now, i don’t want miles and gwen together at all. they have no business being around each other frl 🙃 not as friends and definitely not as lovers. like, sure, that one scene where they’re swinging/talking on the bank was my absolute fav. it was cute. i shipped them before i really thought about it. that scene is still my fav, but my adoration for it isn’t gna stop me from keeping it real.

i really don’t care what anyone says or how in love they think these two are, this isn’t a “forgive and forget” situation. if the writers truly wanted gwen and miles to be involved romantically, then not only should they have structured their dynamic better, they shouldn’t have made gwen the person she was in this movie. love, love, LOVE redemption arcs because it’s a reminder that we're human and we're flawed, but you can’t redeem yourself from that. sorry. (not) i say miles should leave that girl alone 🤷‍♀️ leave all potential girls alone ffs.

in conclusion, it’s okay for miles to be single. he's 15 anyway, it's not like he'll die without a girl. i’m the suckiest sucker for anything to do with romance, but characters in film/animation don’t need to have love interests for a project to be considered good. if you feel like it does, then maybe ts you’re watching just sucks, lmao. a girl and a boy can be friends without one having feelings for the other, or both of 'em having mutual feelings. (in the media idk ab irl..) it’s time to stop forcing ts. please.

and it’s okay y’all, i promise you. it’s okay if miles and gwen don’t end up dating. it's okay if they reconcile and stay friends. it’s okay if they reconcile and don’t stay friends. though unlikely, it’s also okay if miles doesn’t forgive gwen at all! resolutions like these go to show that you can “forgive” someone without letting them have access to you anymore. that’s what miles needs to do. straying away from the “happy ending” everyone is expecting would be nice. it’d be a different approach and a realistic way to complete the franchise. (i’m not just saying this bc i love angst)

but before the gwiles (ugly ass ship name btw) fans start throwing up and telling me to end my shit, it’s 99% unlikely that anything i just stated will actually happen. we’re more than likely getting a kiss between miles and gwen, nd that’s bc the writers are probably high off the same dope they were on when they wrote gwen sneaking in thru miles’ window, j for his parents to be way more calm about it than any other normal parent would be. i could say some more about certain scenes but that's for another night.

miles doesn’t need to be with anyone. especially not gwen when it comes down to it.

oh and i HATE peter b. fuck that nigga. he was nun but an extra in this movie and i know he’s an opp in the next. 🙎‍♀️

that’s all! if you read allat then thanks, cuz i wrote a lot. if you're feeling angry, then go for a walk. this isn’t a place for any typa criticism bc i am right, therefore, i am not requesting confirmation. 🙌 i said what i said. have a good night.

[thefemcelthatdeservesbetter]

Um i haven't been on tumblr in so long

Summer has been going fine... I think. I felt a lot better because i had fun thrifting... After going on a small vacation trip I've been just staying at home doing nothing.

I was at the mall once, as i walked by a guy i noticed he smiled, looking at me. I wasn't quick to react so i only smiled back for a second.. i felt so insane my heart was beating so fast but yeah.. Later on i realized he didn't smile at me he just happened to look at me while laughing with his friend. Ugh. But it's fine.

I think that buying clothes makes me a bit happy, i feel like they could maybe make up for my lack of attractiveness. I don't want to consider myself a loser or an incel anymore even if it means becoming what i hate about girls my age. If i become a bitch will i fit in???

I thought maybe the only reason i feel bad sometimes is because I'm lonely, kinda?? If i had friends to hang out with i wouldn't care about the way I'd look, I'd just have fun. My bestfriend's never available and I'm starting to feel like she doesn't like me anymore. We never text, barely once a week or less. I know I'm super boring but i can have conversations sometimes. But it's she doesn't even want to. I know she has other friends and she texts them all the time probably. I don't know how to be funny, I don't know how to be interesting. Especially over text ... Because when you're with your friend irl, you're stuck with them, if you don't wanna get bored, you HAVE to talk. Since they'd be fine with anything to be kept entertained, i can just yap about some show i watched or food i ate.

However when you're texting they can just ghost you or leave you on seen... Every time i send her a reel she doesn't even text me back but just emoji reacts to it, with the same stupid meat emoji. I wonder if she even watches them. I mean.. the least she could do is give her opinion on it??? I don't know..

I feel like we're so different. She texts that dude she used to like (who is the same dude that was ashamed to be my "friend") and when i realized that, i was like oh ok. He initially was MY friend, not even a friend, a classmate. I'm not saying that in a "ohh im so jealous he's MY friend not HERS!!!!" way. I'm clarifying that because it sounds like it. I'm jealous, yeah but not about him specifically. It's just that, I've known him for longer than her, they don't even go to the same school, they're not even SUPPOSED to know each other. He didn't text me once this summer even though we're "friends", oh yeah right, except for when he wanted to know my results on final exams. While he texts HER , probably everyday. Just like how he snaps girls in my class. I'm not jealous, like jealous, I'm just confused on why am i the only one treated differently.

I don't know if it's because of how i look or if I genuinely act like a retard. Am i not fun???? Am i boring??? Am i not girly enough??? Am i not enough of a teenager?? Is it my body? The way i talk? I'd like to understand why. I'd like to know what they have that i don't.

My best friend has mental illnesses, she says she feels empty and depressing stuff like that. When I'm normal, I'm psychologically healthy. People usually mock people that are mentally ill but oh it's TOTALLY fine because she's "hot". She's "a baddie" so she can be fixed. I'm not jealous, just envious that they have a different treatment. I'm not thinking "they don't deserve it" but just why not me too.

I keep asking myself what about me i have to change to be like them. Am i not mature enough?? Do i not look mature enough? Am i too much if a kid??? I want to be the "omg i wanna be her friend so bad" girl and not the "ah that's the retarded weirdo of the class". Why are teenagers complicated like that?? I wish i was more confident. I think that it influences the way people treat me too, my lack of self esteem and affirmation makes them feel superior.

I'm so nervous about back to school. I'm finally entering highschool and uhh I don't know how to feel about it. I don't want to. I'm worried of standing out tok much, I'm worried of not standing out enough. I want to be noticed, just not in the wrong way. I don't wanna be a stuoid loser anymore. I want to weak make up too and dress pretty and do everything other girls do. I want my highschool years to be just like in movies. I wanna make girl friends who i can talk about girl stuff with. I want friends who will hang out with me all the time, and throw slumber parties with them. That's lowkey so unrealistic but i still hope for it a little. I'm afraid it'll actually be the worst years of my life.

I need to put on weight and buy some makeup. I don't think i even care about boys anymore. I just want to fit in and have friends. Boys at my school are so lame, that's why I don't have a boyfriend. I don't need one, I'm super young.