#because it is still used as a slur and a lot of cishets still see me as an outcast or some shit Tumblr posts

[lesbxdyke]

Sometimes I really hate the way people act when people want to express a difficulty when they have a privilege.

I am white. I make no secret of this.

I am also autistic. I also make no secret of this.

I once posted in an autistic group on FB about how, I live in a small UK town with a very small POC population, and how I rarely go outside, so I pick up most of my new vocabulary from online memes, so when it comes out that that vocabulary is AAVE and Black People are asking White People not to say it, I have a bit of a tough time because my communication is built on scripts and patterns and once something has become an accepted part of my script, removing it is a hard thing.

I made it clear that I DO stop. That I put the work in to break those scripts and stop doing something that I've been asked to stop doing because it's harmful, I made no excuses, and made it clear that I wasn't looking for people to say "Oh it's okay, you can because you're autistic!" Or mollify me.

I just wanted a space with other people that might understand the struggle I was having to vent and release because it IS a difficult task for me.

And again, I repeated at least 3 times in the post that I wasn't looking for absolution, praise for trying, or permission to say things that I have no right to say.

(I would also like to note that this was ALL about slang (ala 'on fleek') and not at all about Slurs. I am very lucky that I have never picked up slurs in my speech, I've just picked up a lot of slang that was not immediately 'advertised' as AAVE online)

The FIRST COMMENT was from a moderator, saying 'While it's hard for you, remember it's harder for POC who have to moderate what they say all the time and don't have the privilege of having time to learn.'

And just like that, I felt shamed. I felt ashamed for struggling with this thing, despite approaching this group MADE FOR AUTISTIC PEOPLE to get off my chest that I struggle with something that NT people would shame me for.

I felt ashamed for struggling with something because of my disability, because "Other people have it harder."

And I still feel ashamed. Every time I pick up a new piece of slang, there's this intense grip of panic and shame, because what if it's not FOR me to use? And if it comes out it's not in a few weeks/months, I don't get to complain that I'm struggling because other people have it harder, I'm privileged so I should just suck it up and ignore that my disability is making my life difficult.

I would never DREAM of seeing a fellow disabled person complaining about how difficult they were finding a waiting list for something they required and bring up that it's more difficult for Trans people because in the UK our waiting list is 5+ years minimum for a first appointment and another 1 year minimum after that first appointment to get any sort of treatment. Because that's not what the conversation is about, and all it will do is make them feel shit about struggling with their waiting list.

The oppression Olympics "Well this group has it worse!" When someone is expressing a struggle/disappointment IS NOT HELPFUL!

Shaming people because "Well this group has it worse!" IS NOT HELPFUL!

Unless someone is claiming that they are the group that has it the absolute worst, there is NO NEED TO SAY THAT YOUR GROUP HAS IT WORSE ON A VENT POST!

Everyone, E V E R Y O N E, from a skinny CisHet NT abled white man to the most underprivileged person you can possibly think of has things they struggle with and as long as they're doing it in the right forum (their blog, a vent room in a discord server, a group for people with their disability to discuss the way it makes their life difficult, their Twitter, their private diary), they should be met with support and care as long as their vent is not actively harming people. Not shaming.

Stop with the bloody oppression Olympics.

[aromantic-diaries]

a ton of aromantic heterosexual cis men, at least in uni, are awful. two of them were my friends. i trusted them, we bonded over them saying they were both straight aroallos and I was a bisexual oriented aroace and we got along so well. then one of them added me on accident (or maybe "on accident") to a group chat where they were like a group of like the european equivalent of frat guys and they were making fun of my identity and talking about my 'tight pussy' (cause I'm a virgin, I guess). i scrolled up and one of them was on grinder hooking up with pre-transition trans men because they're "easy" and apparently can be easily convinced to not use a condom. he didn't see any of them as men, just as tomboy-ish looking girls. he was also sending screenshots of some of the cis or cis-passing guys and calling them slurs.

I don't want these people in the queer community, i got them to join our gsa and they were talking shit about that too. i dont know what their goal with me was, clearly they were just mocking me and the queer community. maybe eventually they wanted to try to have sex with me or something, idk. but after that experience i genuinely do not trust cishet aroallo men.... its like saying that polish people should be allowed into spaces for "ethnic minorities" as theyre called here. like they might be a little oppressed. but also theyre all so racist and theyd make the space much worse for the more oppressed people who are strongly affected (like african immigrants) and can't just change their surnames to escape xenophobia.

Alright, before I even say anything I need to specify that I am not trying to invalidate your experience or go "not all men" on you, and I'm not defending these men.

What I do need to say is that any category of people will have shitty people without exception. These guys you talked about are shitty people without a doubt. But using polish people being racist as an example kind of falls flat because while that is true a lot of the time, it doesn't mean that their problems don't deserve to be fixed just cause a lot of these individuals are bad. I don't know the people you've talked about so I can't jump to any conclusions about them but listen. They weren't like that because they were cishet men who were aromantic, they were like that because they were shitty people, labels aside. And I'm sorry but queerness, or any minority status is not an indicator of morality. A lot of queer people fucking suck. A lot of them are terrible people. Someone can be a minority and still have their own -isms and -phobias against other minorities and that does not fucking mean they no longer deserve to live in a more progressive world or have any type of sympathy for their struggles. And yeah the polish people thing is uh... Yikes, I would have kept that to myself if I were you

[whycaninotfindausername]

Rambling rant/vent about queer impostor syndrome and the difficulties of discovering your queerness later in life, skip if it's potentially triggering or you're just not interested

So I'm 28 and AMAB and been living as "cishet" pretty much my whole life. I've been passing as straight my entire life because in school everyone using "gay" or a slur as their default insult basically made me just not want to engage with queerness at all so I kind of shoved those feelings away, and then for most of my adult life I have been in a relationship a woman. I admitted to myself that I was bi a couple years ago, but I never really explored that part of my sexuality outside of private thoughts and fantasies.

Now, I'm recently single and wanting to experiment and explore my sexuality and gender but I feel so distant from other queer people. I know that I'm attracted to more than just women, and I spend way too much time looking at egg memes and secretly trying on girls' clothes and wanting to be cute and pretty to realistically keep identifying as a cis man in the long term, but because pretty much everyone perceives me as just another cishet guy, I don't know how to actively engage with queerness. It's especially disheartening when I'm around queer people and they make jokes about me being a "token straight" or someone will reference something like drag race or something that's part of "queer culture" that I'm unfamiliar with and just say I'm too straight to get it. It just makes me feel like maybe I can't be queer because I don't fit in, and while I know that that feeling isn't based in anything rational, I still feel it.

Also seeing younger queer people so confidently assert their identities in such an open and celebratory way is bittersweet for me. It brings me so much joy to see them exploring themselves and being out and open, but at the same time, I feel envious that I haven't been able to do the same yet. I know it's never too late to come out and everything, but I wish I would have been able to do it at a younger age, when it feels more comfortable to be experimenting and trying new things. When I was at university, I experimented a lot, I hung out with different groups of people, I explored new interests, learned new ways of thinking, and all this sort of stuff, but now everything in my life is so stable that the thought of going back to that experimental and developmental stage in my life is kind of scary.

I haven't really seen/heard people voice feelings like this much before, so idk if this is going to resonate with anyone at all (especially on what is probably one of the queerest spaces on the internet) but I just wanted to get these feelings out somewhere and I figured this was probably the best place I have to do it

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas... not really sure how to type this so ig i'll get get right into it

i'm a year older than my two best friends, and they go to school together while i go somewhere else. we still make an effort to hang out and stuff, but most of our interaction goes on in a discord server consisting of them and their grade-level friends and me. i'm not a huge fan of all the stuff that goes on in the server, bc there's a lot of joking about using slurs (and using slurs) and slut-shaming and homophobia. not really from my friends but it's not like they're ever saying anything either, and they do participate sometimes. keep in mind that nearly everybody in here is a cishet male, and most of them are white too.

i know i'm considered to be a bit of a buzzkill sometimes bc i don't really let them get away with shit, but i also don't call these guys out nearly as much as i probably should. if i called them out every time one of them said something problematic (like i used to) the whole thing would be a never-ending argument.

anyways, today i found out there are 2 channels made specifically to exclude me: a voice channel, made even though i never go on vc, and a channel for one of the two guys i get into arguments with most often. this is something my two best friends are most definitely participating in, and i really dk how to feel about that. i hung out with one of them today and i'm hanging out with both of them tomorrow. i really don't want to lose them but idk what to do bc i also don't want to sit here and let myself feel bad bc of things they're doing.

i really just don't know what to do. ik i deserve better than to be made uncomfortable in a gc i'm in every day but i don't know how to go about making things better without fucking up our friendship, which is already kinda strained considering this is our main way to connect these days.

Hi! ❤️

This is a tough one. It’s hard because I want to be like “well, you shouldn’t be friends with those people” because…they seem like shit people, ngl. But I know that I’m just getting one snapshot of them and friendships aren’t easily broken like that, especially if there’s history there.

Honestly, I would talk to the two best friends. Tell them how you feel and see how they react to your emotions. If they brush you off, it might be a sign to branch out. But if they don’t, maybe make a gc just the three of you, you know?

Either way, it might be smart to think about which of these people you want to be close with. Who do you want to make an effort with? Because the people using slurs aren’t worth your time.

Naming you discord anon!

[lesbiantaurus]

someone please put cishet men under the earth like get rid of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the other day, i'm talking with my coworkers about relationships, i'm discussing that i'm poly, and my monogamous coworkers are all like " i could never, don't you get jealous, etc." standard stuff, and at some point the conversation turns to like drugs, whatever. two servers are talking about why they do/don't do certain drugs, where they get them, i'm like in the convo but slightly off to the side, and one of the servers, a 6'0" gym rat dj named zach starts talking about how because he's a dj, he gets a lot of drugs for free from his friends and the people in the spaces he spends time in. he goes "yeah like, the clubs i hang out at, most of my audience and the people there are cool, it's like a bunch of gays, *trannies*, musicians and stuff" and this happens:

me: hey hold up :) what was that second word you said? did you say what i think you said? him: "ugh, gabiiiii, what do you mean, you Know i wasn't using that like that" me: okay, sure, i understand that. I know you're not using it offensively and I don't care, that's literally a slur? don't fucking say it???? him: oh my godddd, gabi come On >:\\\\\\\

i decide to leave it there because my blood was boiling, and he literally didn't talk to me for the rest of his shift, would just side eye me and be stoic and pissy because he's furious that i'm angry at him???? cut to yesterday, a few days later, when i come back to work having nearly forgotten about the whole thing until i see him again, and he is STILL just seething at me???? i say hello to him, he doesn't respond and actively moves to avoid where i'm stood as much as he can and then:

i moved a big bin of dirty dishes from my station to the server station to wait for the dumbwaiter we use to send them up to the kitchen, which is technically not correct procedure, they Should stay in my station until the dumbwaiter has been called, but no one has ever cared about leaving non-server dishes there in all the time i've been working, but he grabs the bin, brings it to my station and sets it on my line, and goes "we're Not bussers, you can wait for the elevator :)" and walks away huffing, doesn't talk to me again before finishing his shift.

im so mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate it here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how are you going to act like a CHILD because you're angry at me for being upset that you said something fucking hurtful!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like average man behavior but im still!!!!!!!! like god FUCK you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[drop-dead-dropout]

NEW USERNAME local-queer-disappointment -> drop-dead-dropout

unpinning my other post because i want to talk a little about me and this space that i've created! hi i'm alex and i dropped out of high school twice lol

i think a dni is stupid because people never listen anyways, which is why i haven't had one, but i still see the value in at least telling people who this little corner is for.

also YELL AT ME ON DISCORD I'M woahits_alex.mp3 IF U ASK ME ABOUT FIC RECS FOR MY FANDOMS I'LL CRY WITH HAPPINESS

anyways opinion stuff under the cut. you don't have to read it, and you don't even have to listen if you do, but i might argue with you (<- serial arguer) so if you want to avoid the Discourse here ya go.

you are welcome here:

- ALL queers. trans men, trans women, nonbinary, intersex, poc queers, xenogender, "contradictory" labels like mspec gays/lesbians lesboys/turigirls/sapphileans (omg it's me!!), slur reclaims, detransitioners (who are not transphobic), mspec lesbians, aro/ace and all variations thereupon, unlabeled, questioning, etc. i love all of you. i love the community that we share. we are family, whether or not some of us want to be, and exclusionism is Not Funky Fresh!!

- pro Palestine!! i don't always rb posts as much as i used to (i am scared of spreading misinformation) but i think i'll start doing that again! (don't forget your daily click guys)

- jewish people. i am specifically adding this one to say that because of the shitty Everything, i've seen a lot of concerning antisemitic stuff recently so i'm just, yk, putting this out there.

- disabilities/cluster b disorders/systems/AAC users. i am not any of these things so if i say/do something out of line please tell me! but i love you guys and you're absolutely welcome here.

- proshippers (if this bothers you block and move on)

- furries. not personally one of y'all but i think you're neat and you make cool art :]

- literally, like, anyone, as long as you're not a dick

you are not welcome here:

- terfs, transphobes, exclusionists, anti-mspec, anti-lesboy, and people who think transandrophobia is "fake" or whatever. go away i don't like you (or at least be prepared to be blocked or yelled at)

- similarly to last, anyone who starts queer infighting or hates on less visible queers/strangers who don't "look" queer, the whole "bi girl's straight bf" nonsense (i don't care if you think someone is cishet. you have no way of knowing that. let's stop hating people for immutable characteristics and start having thoughtful criticisms of people's actions thanks)

- ZIONISTS. BYE BYE

- (but also antisemites because come on now let's notttt. judiasm ≠ zionism)

- ableists, fatphobia, racists/bigots, general dickheads

- antishippers (again, you can either leave now or expect to be argued with)

other general stuff:

- i accept anonymous asks! and also non anonymous ones. ask me shit idk

- i am autistic and VERY gullible. if i reblog a "bait" post, or something that's clearly fake or a joke with a genuine reaction, i'm probably not playing some 5d irony chess i'm probably just stupid. sorry y'all i'm trying :\

- i don't rb nsfw. not as, like, a rule, i just don't see the value in doing so lol. if i ever did i'd tag it and probably update this

UPDATE: thought i should clarify, i don't rb nsfw but i do rb nsfw humor, like dick jokes and stuff. hope there's no confusion

- i argue with people!! i enjoy arguing with people!! usually it's in replies and not reblogs but still. if you are allergic to stuff like that maybe don't follow me? i also rb "discourse" posts, mostly transmasc support stuff and callouts of transandrophobia, general solidarity stuff with the trans community or lgbt community as a whole, proship stuff, politics, current events, that kinda thing.

- this is, shockingly, supposed to be a fandom blog! (i got carried away; i always do.) current fandoms include: ace attorney (the one this blog was supposed to be about), doctor who (childhood hyperfixation come back to bite my ass), and splatoon (no excuse). also mha is basically my abusive boyfriend stockholm syndroming me to stay at this point but i'm trying to get better (not). you can find the records of my failing recovery at @alex-is-losing-sleep-over-krbk /hj (i also sometimes shamelessly rb this blog's posts over there lol)

and i guess since i'm mentioning fandoms, here are my fav ships: wrightworth, klapollo, franmaya, thoschei, pearlina, agent 24, & cuttletavio.

anyways, that's about it. love you all :]

[sparkles-oflight]

Okay, I'm sorry for going on a rant, but I'm going to talk why the line "Are you straight, Are you LGBTQ or none of the above?" Is actually important.

First of all, let me clarify something: YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIKE SSOL! You are free to enjoy whatever you like (maybe I wasn't clear enough, because sometimes I can sound very pushy and rude and I'm sorry for that), it's just that it shocked me to see a lot of people who don't like while I thought the opposite was going to happen 😶

The line, from what have seen, has either being called cringe, or cool, or lazy or too direct to the point (or even too political). Now, I'm not going to say "it's 2023, everything is political" because that notion is simply stupid. Everything has been "political" since long ago (I really hate to call human right causes "political", but alas) - a good example of a song that did the same as Joker Out YEARS AGO is "Born this way" by our queen Lady Gaga 👑.

I actually want to talk about queer culture and even the social context.

The first one is the one we all know about: Queer people have for centuries had to hide their feelings and identities through metaphors, rhymes, and tragedy in the media they produced for their own safety. I'm not saying I don't enjoy it! I LOVE SUBLIMINAL QUEER MESSAGES AND CHARACTERS WHOSE LABELS ARE UNKNOWN! But, if cishet people are allowed to express themselves explicitly, why shouldn't the queer or ally people do the same?

Now comes the second part: social context. Joker Out comes from a Balkan country. Now, I'm not a Balkan person, but there are some reasons the internet meme about my country being the long lost sibling of the Balkans 💀. Portugal is one of THE SAFEST countries for queer people!! On paper.... We are called slurs, we are made fun of, we are hurt on the streets, we are told to "suck it up" because not only is our country still heavily religious (specially the north, where I come from) but also misogynistic and young to the concept of democracy and freedom (we were in a dictatorship until 1974 and then we had to deal with colonial wars until the early 2000s). I literally told my bestie yesterday (before the song came out) that it would be easier to just say "I'm a lesbian" to my parents than bisexual and NB because they don't believe in those concepts. If we are one of the safest countries on the whole fucking world, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE what happens to queer people on the Balkans - with all of their diversity and wars.

Sometimes, having a big celebrity just saying the worlds LGBTQ is already such a revolutionary thing as much as you all say "it's cringe, it's lazy, it's political...", to us...it means the whole world.

Now, I don't know JO members sexualities, neither do I care or should care, but knowing that they are - at least - allies, makes my fucking heart melt, even if we aren't from the same country.

And I like silly funny songs too XD I'm biased yes yes

Edit: I forgot to add this: FEEL FREE TO ADD TO THE DISCUSSION ANY TIME

[fobnsfwdoodlesbackup]

pride asks woo !!

12, 15, 25

and for 35:

how do you deal with frustrating people like homophobes and transphobes or people just being generally shitty towards the lgbtq+ community?

Answers under the cut!

12) Name some queer artists/bands or songs you like most:

Dog Park Dissidents!!!! June Henry!!! Against Me!! Fall Out Boy!!! I definitely recommend finding as much queer music as you can, it's incredibly impactful to engage with art that shares your experience.

15) How has your identity changed overtime?

Overtime the main change is just that I've gotten more comfortable gobbling up any labels I want haha. When I was a teenager I identified as Bi, and then later as Pan. I came out as trans when I was 14 and that hasn't changed, but to me it coexists with identifying as lesbian/sapphic/dyke. Oh reclaiming of dyke/faggot is also a more recent change. Relating to the point below!

25) What queer discourse frustrates you the most?

The thing is. Queer history has to be sought out, and so many young queer people (or older, sure!) don't really have context around queer community struggling together and being intertwined. Discourse that feels very on-paper to me such as transmascs and lesbians not sharing community, bi vs pan, or discourse that weaves in other kinds of oppression like cis gay men being transphobic/misogynistic/racist etc. is frustrating. Our struggles are all woven together, and so is our liberation. And so is everyones!! Seeing in fighting online about how to appeal to cishet people or who's allowed to use what terms or be in what spaces feels like we're going backwards sometimes. We have important things that can be learned from one another, we have overlapping experiences and battles, we have been called overlapping slurs, and we must help one another to get anywhere in this god damn world. Talk to queer people that are older than you, younger than you, live in different parts of the world than you. Read anything you can online or at the library about queer history. We're all in this thing together and you can disagree with someone and still be in community with them.

35) How do you deal with frustrating people like homophobes and transphobes or people just being generally shitty towards the lgbtq+ community?

If it's online block their ass. Some Marco lore is that a guy in highschool stalked me for about 7 years and posted details about me on 4chan including pictures of me and where I went to school and worked. Just because I'm trans. Block them. I do think there is some value in arguing online, to practice getting uncomfortable and to signal to others that there's someone on their side, but I wouldn't recommend it generally.

A lot of my answers here are going to intertwine, but the best thing I can recommend is a robust support system. Friends, family, coworkers, pets, therapists, etc. Having people who love you helps with emotional battles, and with physical safety.

[thatradfailure]

Came across a post today.

I want to be clear about the mistakes of my past: I have drawn the w-nd-g- before out of ignorance, and I don't condone those past actions. But after trying to find the posts where ACTUAL natives try to explain that using the creature is deeply insensitive, as is calling it a cryptid, and just seeing a lot of people who aren't native just throw their pleas aside, I just need to say it. I'm frustrated. I've seen the posts before but now I can't find any but one of them. I know I've reblogged them (because I've grown as a person and will be editing the caption of the art I posted to remove the link to the creature) yet they elude me now and I'm not sure how to find them again.

I think it's more important to listen to the voices begging us non-Natives to stop than to listen to the ones who aren't offended. If you're not offended, cool, that's fine. But it's also not your place to say that just because YOU aren't offended, that it's perfectly ok. It's literally like a black guy or a gay guy telling their cishet white friend that it's ok to use slurs, period. It's not. Are they slightly different situations? Slightly, because I think you can reclaim slurs and give others the ok to use slurs to refer to only you, but maybe not the w-nd-g-. Then again, I am white and have no affiliation with any Native cultures, at all.

Still. We NEED to uplift Native voices about the appropriation of their cultures because it is still INCREDIBLY rampant. We need to listen to them, assess our own biases, and hear out how to best support them and their cultural practices.

Their legends and mythology are not our toys.

[pokeblader3]

You know that post that’s like “someone can call you ‘bitch’/’fag’ in a way that makes you feel so loved and affirmed, but no slur will hold as much malice as someone with homophobic beliefs saying ‘those people’ in a certain way (often polite and technically correct manner)? That’s how it feels reading how some of the posts on here use “Men”, often before spouting something with subtle underlying transmisogynstic/misandrist (or even outright patriarchal), not blinking twice while saying some shit to queer/trans men/men of color.

It’s not that I disagree with most of their points, I’ve been horribly traumatized and abused my many men and all marginalized men regularly deal with shitty men, both in and out of their community, and have a number of thoughts on the Patriarchy and all the fucked up, insidious ways it gets to you and creates the horrible parts of our society and culture that create traumas and abuse. I regularly spend a lot of day standing up to shitty men for being shitty using all the male-passing privilege I can muster (I still pass pretty well as a ‘cishet’ man). But the way a lot of these posts are phrased often feels... manipulative. Men and women are people, and the number one thing transitioning and being friends with more people opposite my assigned gender has taught me is that human behavior and emotions get ascribed to ‘femininity’ and ‘masculinity’ when they’re just normal emotions we all have. Violence and aggression and cruelty aren’t “masculine”, wisdom and compassion and empathy aren’t “feminine”, even if these things are associated with them because of gender roles and how the Patriarchy has shaped the society around us.

And the fact that people regularly face opposition or get run out of queer groups for being ‘cishet men’ by afab people and (usually cis) women who don’t want to engage with any of our queerness or the fact that we’re feminine (honestly often due to still lingering trauma which makes them distrustful of other people who remind them of their abusers and a lack of actual good mascs in their life who, I get it, I was afraid of men and masculinity for a long time too and had a friend group of mostly women, but it wasn’t healthy and my world is much better for trying to reach out and be close with some who seemed to be kindhearted and genuine, and eventually not be so afraid of other normal people you see on the street)... I’ve probably been discouraged to express myself and my femininity (you know, anti-patriarchal things for a man to do) by women and femmes just as much as I have by men (not mascs, they Get It, and trans men often are adamantly against this behavior but get drowned out or bullied into staying quiet). And it’s so much worse if you’re a masc/enby/transfemme of color, who are demonized for existing and held to impossible beauty standards even by those in the community who are supposed to be ‘on their side’ (and who still hold them to being on their own side). And it’s not like I haven’t been groomed, sexually abused, manipulated, and physically/emotionally abused by women throughout my life, either.

The people who run my state are trying to make crossdressing a sex crime. I cannot go out dressed femininely without risking being queer bashed or made an example of. This is not abnormal in this country, and if you live in a world where men are encouraged to express gender nonconformity and femininity and androgyny is accepted, I hate to burst your bubble but you live in a socially progressive part of this country, and the rest of us get at best bullied relentlessly for any ‘femininity’ from all sides around us.

[worstqueerbaittournament]

For the last time, people (not you, mod, you haven't submitted them after all) Aziraphale and Crowley's story is not queerbait.

Not labeling a relationship doesn't make it queerbait...

They're canonically genderless, for fucks' sake and we're free to pick an interpretation wherever we're in favor of a qpr relationship, an unlabeled one, a romantic one etc.

It was only ever said that it's not a gay story in the sense that Aziraphale and Crowley aren't male, they're genderless celestial beings.

It's not that deep and I think it disheartening to see such a beautifully written relationship -that can bring together romance-repulsed and shippers together- been deemed queerbait.

(Also, do you need all the love stories you read precising THIS IS A LOVE STORY in bold letters ?? Understated romances are a thing and can be just as great as explicited ones)

It's not like Pratchett and Gaiman have never written great openly queer characters before... Have never of you submitters read Discworld or Sandman before ??? You're aware these works are older than many of you and were -and still are- especially meaningful to queer people when they came out, right ?

Seeing those on a list with Merthur and BBC Johnlock is sad. (Again, this is not against you, mod). Fuck it, Azi and Crowley don't get unnecessary feminine-presenting love interests or something so heteronormative.

I used to scorn at the 'tumblr ppl have bad reading comprehension' stuff but I'm starting to be incredibly concerned when people can't distinct between well-meaning and supportive allies and guys like. fucking Moff*t

Also wanting to make queer stories looking all the same and limited to a restrictive frame is even more deeply concerning when variety and diversity are the heart of the queer community and it contributes to the pressure to come out to be "a true queer" since only relationships who tick all the cases made up by cishet ppl are recognized

You know how we say that straight relationships in media are all the same ? Do you want that for our relationships too ?

This would be laughable if it wasn't so damn sad.

- A quite upset queer person (I'll bite the first imbecile who'll tell me I shouldn't use a slur to describe myself, this whole text is about your kind of people, pal)

Hey anon, I understand how you feel, but like I said before, I won't decide what does and doesn't count as a queerbait. (Unless the ship is actually canon.) I know Ineffable Husbands is controversial (hence the tag lol), and while I would agree with you and am personally also on the Crowley and Aziraphal are queerplatonic/genderqueer and canonly queer side, I understand people who wanted more confirmartion of it (and no, comfirmation doesn't have to be a kiss. It could be them talking more about their gender). Because yes, a lot of cishet people don't read Az and Crowley are queer, so I understand why people wanted more. But again, I'm just the mod and I would appriciate people staying kind and not yelling (especially not at me preferably). Like always, I'm gonna let you guys decide.

[mcl38]

Trigger warning for homophobia and hate. For your last ask….I also think there is a huge difference in where and when you grew up with how it comes to how you perceive these types of coded words. I grew up in the 80s and 90s in rural America when children in my elementary school played a playground game called “Smear the Queer” and said you would go to hell for being gay. I remember the death of Mathew Shepard at the hands of hateful people crying gay panic and being told if you were gay you would die from AIDS and that HIV was Gods punishment. I remember hearing the word queer and twink and faggot being said with hate and derision. I remember being told twink was short for “twinkee” because a twink was “young, dumb, and full of cum”. I remember a limp wrist gesture being a deadly insult to the boys in my school. It took me many many many years to even admit to myself I was gay. I still don’t talk about myself or my partner with the people I work with cause even now I just feel like you never know who is hateful. I can’t imagine someone openly yelling out a gay slur in the street anymore, but I can imagine not getting a promotion at work. I feel very disconnected from the current generation and their use of gay coded language which my whole childhood was used with such hurt. It’s like homophobia went from what I experienced in my youth of being open and in you face to being all these coded cutesy terms. It sure feels like all the same insinuations are all still there just coded differently. Or maybe I’m just old and out of touch and letting my experiences color how I see things now. It’s even hard for me today to accept the reclamation of the word queer by the lgbtq+ community so I know my experience color my perception of thing.

no i think ur absolutely right. its not that ur old and out of touch, i think its that the younger generation is naive and overly comfortable. i have not had an experience nearly as intense as you in my childhood but i think growing up in quite a heavily homophobic country like romania and then moving to the uk was still quite a big culture shock to me. i kind of had the idea as a teen that romania as a whole is a homophobic culture and the west just isn't to that level (mostly out of jealousy for the things i was seeing on the internet lmao) and that perception deffo changed since ive been living here. essentially what i realised was that (especially) men were almost as shitty to women and gay people in the uk as they were back home, just way more covertly, because they knew how to say all the right things. so the only consequence of this for me personally was just that in the uk i am more likely to be negatively surprised by someone who i thought was chill, whereas in romania i was more likely to b positively surprised by someone who seemed like theyd have a horrible reaction to me coming out. but as far as i can tell british people themselves dont clock this at all, and a lot of them will just assume that if theres no overt discrimination happening then theres no discrimination at all. which is kinda scary from my pov but again, like u, idk whether to feel like im just reacting to my own circumstances and projecting

so to bring this back to what u said anon, i too am just naturally suspicious of stuff that seems inocuous in current western pop culture, which is why i too am so weirdly bothered by this new 'mctwink' thing and the greater trend that the portmanteau is a part of. even in terms of the reclaiming of 'queer', which is such a hotly debated topic that its become associated with a lot of other lgbt in-fighting, having been on the internet and in academic spaces enough to witness the sanitisation of the word 'queer' has been quite jarring if im being honest. in an academic space to me it feels like a euphemism with the same vibe as 'differently abled' instead of disabled and 'fluffy / huggable' instead of fat, where the word is said by cishet ppl not out of a genuine care for the community its meant to represent but rather out of a fear of accidentally saying smth wrong by calling the thing what it is (in this case, gay). people are still so goddamn afraid of the word gay in super progressive english humanities academia and its actually quite funny like thats the ONE word no one minds u using but bc YOU have ur own biases to unpack u think its a bad word, ykwim? anyways. this is a lot of digressions

i think there is a point where we have to accept that language changes. im very anti prescriptivist in that i think we should embrace linguistic evolutions and neologisms and all that bc like at the end of the day we don't make the rules, the zeitgeist does. and i worry that holding on to certain meanings and connotations of words after the words kind of stop carrying them is dangerously close to ppl who insist on using slurs or derogatory language because 'when i was young it didnt used to be an insult'. like i used to treat the usage of 'queer' exclusively as derogatory because of its history but at some point i had to look within myself and accept that the ppl whose classes im taking and whose books im reading are NOT using the word as a slur so i should not assume that to be their intent. which ik is a hard pill to swallow - especially hard for someone like u, anon, who also has trauma surrounding those words. idk i think the lgbt & academic communities shouldve been a lot kinder in that specific transition but whats done is done now i guess

so yeah. now we reach the silly little fandom squabble that's really only a tiny fraction of this bigger cultural issue. but as discussed before i DO think people are using these new tiktok terms as well as the repopularisation of the word twink in a secretly kind of derogatory way, maybe even subconsciously. and i do think straight but maybe not entirely masculine people like lando and oscar are somehow the target of that homophobia, but they r not the victim of it. there just is a sort of fetishisation and derision that happens in the process of calling them twinks that has subtle but real repercussions in the wider cultural environment. and to real gay ppl. 🥴 fun stuff

and re: this i think again this is a complicated distinction to make. mostly because this website rly does host the lgbt community in the way that a tiktok algorithm thinking ur gay and shoving other random gay ppl in ur face just doesnt. but bc of the fact that this is a curated community AND bc of the relative decay of tumblr, we tend to think that our community is disconnected from the most, when time and time again 2 or 3 years later the discourse on this website ends up rehashed on more popular social media to varying degrees of bastardisation. so yes obviously part of the thin line ur talking abt is stuff like the idea of lando or oscar actually seeing the things ppl call them, but at the same time it's not like we get away scot free with doing whatever. in the way that in 2019 f1 shipping and rpf were an isolated niche thing and now the formula 1 twitter account is tweeting on main about 'lestappen' even using that specific portmanteau. see what i mean? which is y im complaining on here abt the twinklaren situation, even though on twitter it doesn't seem nearly as prevalent, because i know it's gonna catch up at some point

[just-your-average-cryptid]

I feel like part of the reason you see so many “functionally/practically a conservative” leftish people is because it’s a lot easier to update someone’s vocabulary than to actually change their ideology.

Like, the whole stupid discourse of “queer is a slur! we must Appease Society and be Good Normal LGBTQ people, unlike those Weird People over there” is pretty much a rehash of “you must Appease Society and be a Good Normal Cishet Person, unlike those Weird People over there” that’s been levied against the community for decades. And yes, that is mostly internalized queerphobia, but it’s still a clearcut case of turning crappy ideology into “oh, I’m not homophobic, I just think queer people should act normal and blend in and keep that stuff in private and won’t you think of the children?”

or binary trans people railing against nonbinary people for Doing Gender Wrong when transphobes think they’re all Doing Gender Wrong and need to shut up and accept their role in society; or people saying “well yes trans people have a right to self determination but we need to make sure they’re not indoctrinated making a bad decision they can’t take back”

it’s conservative ideology but turned against Those Problematic People instead of just Those Minorities in general. And because it sounds leftist enough - because it doesn’t sound like right-wing rhetoric - people who don’t know better fall for it.

“Those people disgust me so they should be oppressed for their sins being problematic”

“I just don’t want them in public near me”

etc etc same talking points just in different words

Look. I’m a southerner - hell, I’m a damn Floridian. I know there are people here who would probably murder me if they knew half of what I am.

And between someone who maybe doesn’t use the right terms but doesn’t sit down when people are threatened and someone who will wring their hands over whether I’m too problematic to warrant helping, if I’m enough of a victim to warrant caring about?

I’ll take the former, thank you very much.

All the “progressive” vocabulary in the world doesn’t mean a thing if your ideology focuses on who is more harmed and not stopping harm from happening in the first place.

[genderqueerdykes]

I think I have my gender(s) mostly figured out (for now) and I'm pretty content lately. But I realized I am still a little hung up on needing cis validation. Specifically, I realized I was a bit apprehensive that a cis person would ever love me (romantically/queer platonically) as my gender(s).

I am certain there are trans people who will and definitely would see me as, well, me. And I certainly hope to find them. It's just a nagging in the back of my brain saying that I need cis validation. And I guess I'm wondering if you have any tips to address that internally?

(I don't know if it's because of internalized transphobia or something else, so any insights or advice are very welcome.)

awwww man, i get that though, i really do. i was in that position for so long, up until 2020, in fact. i kept thinking "oh i don't want to be trans cis people won't love me anymore" and it hurt a lot because i felt like i needed to be open to the acceptance of as many people as possible due to being neurodivergent. it's really hard to do because you feel like you're closing yourself off to a lot of people

i think the thing to keep in mind is that there are cis people who respect us and let us do what we want, and we will still get their approval. we don't NEED cis approval, but the only cis approval we're really losing is of people who wouldn't approve of us to begin with. we'd never get those peoples' respect anyway, so there's no point in bending over backwards to try to get it

i spent close to 6 or 7 years trying to get the same group of cishet guys to respect me and stop calling me a faggot and to stop saying other slurs and misgendering me when i was feminine and they just never turned around. it wasn't that i wasn't trying hard enough, i wasn't being trans wrong, i was just literally never gonna gain those peoples' approval.

it's more or less those specific people. they're just kinda gonna be like that. your self worth is worth way more than trying to gain the respect of people who likely aren't gonna give it to you anyway. and there will always be cis people along the way who do respect you and just don't give a fuck. they do exist. gaining the trust of other trans people will be your best ally, too, because you will realize what it's like to live without having to feel like you have to earn your validation and worth all the time. you'll know what your self worth feels like and you can apply it to other situations moving forward

i hope that helps somewhat. take care, i get what you mean, i was there for so long. i think most of us spend a long time there. it's a confusing place to occupy, but i think you've got this!

[crossguild]

looks like OP's turned off reblogs, but i do wanna say something

queer is still a slur and reclamation is a process that can't and shouldn't be done by a whole entire community because no community is a monolith. there's no other slur that any marginalized group has so thoroughly reclaimed that they insist people outside the community use it as well.

'queer studies' is not a term that was approved by every lgbtq person out there before it was used in academia. people didn't march with signs saying 'we're queer, we're here' because it was the most politically correct and acceptable term. it's a slur and its deliberate and intentional usage as such is an important part of its history, and even the decision to use it in academia, which should be acknowledged and respected.

you wouldn't, for example, call a study of asian-american history chinkology even if a large portion of the community wanted to, nor would i ever, personally, be comfortable with that usage even if it became the accepted academic term. 'gay' and 'lesbian', while they have been used as insults, didn't originate as insults the way queer and certain other homophobic slurs did (and i don't see people insisting on normalizing those words)

a reclaimed slur is still a slur, it doesn't stop being a slur just because some people, even a lot of people, have reclaimed it and use it comfortably. like please think of how many slurs you hear people reclaim and why you would not ever use them, and then consider why it's suddenly fine if it's cishet people using 'queer'.

i don't personally have an issue with its usage in reference to me, nor do i have an issue with using it day-to-day, but unless and until a person specifically tells me they identify as such, i wouldn't use it for them. if someone wants to tag it as a slur, because it is, and some people don't want to see slurs that have been used against them used casually, that's their prerogative as long as they're not out there policing the terms that people are allowed to use.

the TERFs aren't responsible for 'queer is a slur' even if they have weaponized it against people, which i agree is bad! but you cannot take every TERF's idiot talking point as proof that it's rhetoric that originated in the terf community. there's a vast gulf of difference between 'queer is a slur and no one should ever use it' and 'it may be reclaimed by many people, which is fine, but i still don't relate to it nor do i want it used in reference to myself'. idk, i just think we should all think a little bit more about the words we use, & why, & how it affects people we care about, even if ultimately we come to the same conclusion

the rhetoric people should ACTUALLY be wary of that is 100% fully terf & right-wing nationalist propaganda is the fujoshi stuff, which for some reason english fandom has really embraced, so clearly SOME terf rhetoric is fine and maybe people are just calling this specific discourse 'terf rhetoric' to shut it down because it's a conversation they're uncomfortable with. but that's none of my business.

ETA and i'm speaking personally as someone who LIKES it, and likes my privacy, and as someone who refuses to identify in any particular way, but i would not ever use it on someone who doesn't want it used for themselves.

[realmupp]

I’m bored so I’ve decided to answer all these questions

1. Which labels do you use?

I use a TON of labels so if you want to see them all, it’s linked in the pinned post on my profile

2. Do you like to use the term queer for yourself? Or just LGBT, etc?

I use both because I like ‘em

3. Which pronouns do you use?

He/They

4. Are you "out" to your family and friends?

I’m not out to any of my family members but I am out to a lot of my friends

5. Are you "out" publicly?

No because I only come out to people I trust

6. (If you're out) do you wish you came out sooner?Later? Or was it the right time?

I think all but one of the times it was the right time. However, there was this one guy who was shipping me and my other friend so I straight up told him that I don’t like girls and now there’s drama between two of my friends because of it

7. Are you the "token" queer person in your family?

I mean kinda???? I don’t know if any of my siblings are queer but none of the give off the energy that they are

8. Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender:

Bleak

9. When did you realize you weren't cishet?

Sometime during middle school when I learned about asexuality through a fanfic but I remember being attracted to men in elementary school but I was still convinced that I was straight

10. Something that gives you gender euphoria (whether you're cis or trans):

I haven’t discovered anything that gave me gender euphoria because most things are “meh” or “DEFINITELY NOT” so yeah

11. Favorite (or just one you love) piece of LGBT media?

Probably The Owl House but it’s over :(

12. Name some queer artists/bands or songs you like most:

I listen to a mix variety of artists but I don’t know if any of them are queer and I’m not gonna look it up because there’s A LOT

13. Do you choose to reclaim slurs, why or why not? I

Personally myself I don’t say them and when other queer people say it I just get a bit shocked and then move on with my day

14. How do you think other factors like neurodivergency or upbringing have impacted your identity?

Hell if I know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

15. How has your identity changed over time?

I’m gonna say a shortened version of it because I can’t remember it all straight -> gay -> bi -> gay -> gay and asexual -> bi and asexual -> gay and asexual -> polyromantjc and asexual -> + a whole lot of acespec identities

16. Do you attend Pride in person every year?

I’ve never went to a Pride Parade before

17. Have you ever attended Pride in a big city/ large metro area?

Same as above

18. How old were you when you got to attend your first Pride? Who did you go with?

Same as above

19. Do you feel safe and accepted in your local community?

The only local community I’ve been in is my school’s GSA club and I think it’s pretty cool

20. Do you feel like you "fit in" with the queer/Pride community overall?

I’m not really sure what this is asking me

21. What message would you give to your younger self?

Stop being convinced you’re straight, you literally liked men and knew that but still denied that you’re queer

22. How do you usually celebrate Pride month?

For the first couple of days I’m usually like “yippie!!!! :D” but then after it’s just same as usual

23. Do you prefer loud parties or quiet?

I don’t go to parties but I think I would like a mixture of the two

24. Do you practice any religion, if so how does it play into your LGBT identity? Do you feel welcomed by your spiritual community?

I currently do not practice any religion

25. What queer discourse frustrates you the most?

All of them

26. How do you feel about the term partner rather than husband/girlfriend/etc?

I like it :D

27. What gender-neutral terms for yourself or others do you use (i.e. joyfriend)?

Not really a whole lot

28. Do you experience both romantic and sexual attraction? Do you experience them the same across any gender(s) you are attracted to?

I only experience romantic attraction to men

29. Are you currently partnered, or if not are you interested in having partner(s)?

I’m currently not, I’m fine not having one but I would like to have one in the future

30. Are you monogamous or polyamorous?

Monogamous

31. Post a pic in your pride gear (or it can just be a selfie or anything else Igbt):

I’m not comfortable posting myself on the internet, but these are all the Pride stuff I have. I got the flag and the progress flag pin from GSA club which is pretty cool

32. Do you do arts and crafts? Post a pic of a project you've done:

I don’t really do arts and crafts that often

33. What about your LGBT identity do you feel proud of/ want to recognize/celebrate?

I probably recognize my asexuality the most

34. What are you needing most right now (what would make your life easier or more fulfilling in regards to existing as queer)?

Probably having rights

35. Anything else you want to ask during Pride:

None, but if you made it this far, thank you for getting to know a bit about me!