#because in their heart of hearts they truly believe they are just one big windfall away from being billionaires themselves

[bilboyagathechickenfootedhobbit]

If he was a woman, he would be told to get:

- rhinoplasty

- chin and lip fillers

- hair plugs/extensions/blow-outs

- face lift to tighten up that saggy neck

- buccal fat removal

- Botox injections in the forehead

- pluck and shape eyebrows

- eyelash extensions

- crowns for his teeth

- either slather enough makeup on every single day to cover any remaining flaws or

- permanently tattoo makeup onto your face even though the trends change so often that you’ll be doing it all over again in six months

Oh and do this all the time every single day even if you don’t plan on leaving the house because what if someone comes to your door and sees you with your REAL FACE on that’s unacceptable you have to make yourself look like a total stranger and only then will society allow you as a woman to feel confident in your “self” even though your true self vanished about 10 Botox treatments and two facelifts ago.

[layanasstories]

Dearest readers,

It's been a while... like a long while. But I did find some inspiration to continue my story 'If not in this lifetime..'

I did delete the last part (part 7) to replace it with another. Which I believe is much better.

I will try to keep this newfound inspiration alive, somehow .. hahaha..

Anyway... Enjoy the renewed chapter 7! 💕

----

If not in this lifetime...

---

Taking changes is scary but there is something that should scare you far more than anything:

Missing out on something truly wonderful because you were scared.

- Katherine Matheson

---

Chapter 7

At the beginning of this year, the invitations were sent out. The ceremony is expected to take place in the fall of this year. The clothes were chosen not long after. Ruby is not the type for a long princess dress, she chose a trouser suit. The pants has very wide legs, and a strepless corset as the top. The belt of a somewhat darker shade separated the two pieces. The satin sheen contrasted so beautifully with the matte ivory white of the suit. Her beautiful copper-brown skin, like a windfall autumn leaf, completes the picture. Well actually, the picture was only completed by how much she beamed with happiness.

Emily, on the other hand, was the quintessential example of a princess. She opted for a long, wide dress with a train. The skirt was smooth silk, a little lace started just below the waist and continuing up to the off shoulder top with wide long sleeves, which was completely lace. Her dress was also in ivory white so they wouldn't stand out too much. Her milky white freckled skin and her red curls half up, made it look like she just walked out of a fairy tale book.

Today is their day, the day they get married. I think the nice thing about the two of them is that they always want to do everything a little differently than traditional. Like walking to the altar. No one was given away, no, they walked hand in hand down the aisle and threw flowers themselves. I was waiting at the altar with Alice, both of us had been asked to be maid of honour. Which made it easy for me to look around the small picturesque church where the ceremony took place. Panic gripped my heart when I saw Jake sitting between all of their friends and family.

---

Our first date was three months ago, in the park. Where we gave our first kiss. Although everything about him felt good and was right, it was also what scared me. Which made me distance myself after the date. I stopped responding quickly and often to his messages. And in the end I told him I didn't want to continue dating. I cried my eyes dry. How stupid could I be, to let go of someone so great. Only the fear that he would eventually leave too, that my heart would break, that I would be alone again, stopped me. I couldn't beat that fear. So better break it off now by myself then later by a broken heart. But who was I kidding.

Best of all, he didn't give up. He sent a good morning message every morning and a good night message every night. He never missed a day. He didn't run away as I had expected, he was always there. Even if I only responded sometimes, or told him to stop. Not that I wanted him to stop, but pushing him away was what I did. He respected the distance, only he refused to cut the line. No matter how hard I kicked, he stood his ground and didn't move an inch.

---

Alice had also found someone who was perfect for her. And when she introduced him to us, I was surprised. She had walked into the cafe on a Saturday night, with a big guy, long hair, beard and a big playful smile on his face. She introduced him as Daniel, but we had to call him Dan. "It's a small world" Dan and I had said to each other halfway through the evening. And now Jake and Dan sit side by side, both dressed up, ready for the ceremony to start.

I poke Alice in the side and whisper "What the hell is he doing here?". She glances at me briefly and then looks back at the approaching bridal couple. "Daniel insisted the he would come along, let's worry about that later okay?". I hummed in agreement, she was right, now is not the time to worry. Although the tightness in my chest didn't completely disappear, I turned my attention to the lovebirds whom about to get married.

---

The ceremony was beautiful, the pastor's talk was funny and was mainly about the love between the two. After the yes and the kiss, there was a round of applause. The newly married couple would now go for a photo shoot, which would take about an hour and a half. Then dinner and after that the party would start. They had arranged for a bar to open for guests who had to wait for dinner.

And there I am now looking around at the group of people in the restaurant with a drink in my hand. I know them all, especially the families. And despite the fact that they are all equally loving, I have just that little bit more connection with Ruby's family. Her mother took me in as her own daughter after my parents passed away. I was fifteen and lost, but Ruby's mother immediately got up and took me under her wing. I owe a lot to her, probably even the fact I am still alive.

Of course I already had seen Jake standing on the other side of the room, next to Dan and Alice. Totally relaxed and at ease, talking to Ruby's mom and Emily's dad. I stared at him, the feeling of regret giving way to the fear I felt. He was always attentive, patient and still in my life, well sort of in my life. He hadn't run away, he hadn't given up. Who was I kidding? Myself, I know the answer. Only it's so scary to give in and let my walls fall to let him in completely.

Deep in thought, I am startled when Dan next to me says something. "Are you going to thank me or what?" he looks at me with a smug smile. "For what?" I ask him sincerely not knowing what he meant. "For bringing your loverboy!" he winks. "Yes, thank you very much!" I say as sarcastically as I can. "Come on! We all know you two belong together, only you don't see it yet." he didn't sound cynical or accusatory, he was sincere. "But what if he gets tired of me later, or finds someone else he likes more." I couldn't even finish my sentence because he interrupted me. "What if he doesn't. What if he stays with you forever and you will never experience that because you listen too much to your fear. Fear is a very bad counselor. But oh what do I know." he shrugs, rubs my arm briefly and walks away, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

---

I fought all the alarm bells and the voice in my head that said 'turn around!' as I made my way to Jake. He was standing with his back to me, but turned around slowly when I get close enough. "Hey" I say nervously to him. "Hey" he greets back and waits. I hadn't even noticed from all the tension how damn good he looked in his suit. A three-piece dark blue suit, with a white shirt but without a tie and the top two buttons unbuttoned. The steely white sneakers underneath made it a bit casual, but it was a perfect match. It looked like the whole suit was made for his body. His hair had just been cut and a week or two-old stubble was neatly groomed. Goddamn this man was divine.

"You look beautiful" are his next words. "Thank you" I answer him, and can beat myself in the head. My entire thought stream and plan of what I was going to say disappeared in a heartbeat. I shut down completely. Without saying a word, I turn and walk away, toward the door to the restaurant patio. As calm as I can be because I don't want to disturb anything of this day. Trembling with nerves, I close my eyes and take a deep breath of fresh air. "Still running away I see?" I hear Jake say behind me, with a respectful distance between us. "No, I just wanted to get some fresh air." I am disgusted by own my weak lie. He's absolutely right, I did run away. "Don't lie to me. Until now you've always been honest, don't start lying now. It doesn't suit you." the disappointment dripped from his words. "I am sorry, you're right. Yes, I'm running away. I'm scared." I didn't dare look at him. "It's okay to be scared. I'd just like it if you told me what for." his voice is soft, not coercive or pleading. He is genuinely curious. A deep sigh escaped "Afraid that if I let you come close, you'll eventually leave me and I'll be left behind broken and alone again.".

He puts his hands in his pockets and sighs too, the silence that fell did not last long. "I get that, I really do. I'm scared too, of the same things you are. I'm just more scared that if I don't give us a chance, I'll miss out on something wonderful. That's why I try not to run away despite that my head is screaming at me that maybe you'll hurt me and leave me.". I was startled by his answer. Which makes me react without thinking "Why would I hurt you? I don't want to hurt you, ever." I stop talking abruptly because the realization hits me like a sledgehammer blow. "Oh god. I've already done that, have I?" I can feel my eyes start to get teary. He narrowed the space between us with one step "No, you haven't. Chin up, we'll figure it out okay. For now let's focus on this great day and leave things as they are. Tomorrow we can figure it out.". He was right, again. With one last deep sigh my nerves subsided for the most part and to my own surprise I threw my arms around him in a hug.

[jkl-fff]

10 Random Facts about Me

Tagged by @change--of--heart

1. Recently, by my specific and special request, I became the proud owner of a certified Cursed Tiki™ when my mom purchased one as a souvenir for me during her vacation in Hawaii. It is supposed to be a charm for bringing money (which can be a blessing or a curse depending on how one reacts to such pecuniary windfalls) AND she got the guy who carves and sells them (himself a native) to tell mine to fuck off. So it’s doubly cursed! HUZZAH!

2. There’s a small caliber bullet in my left arm from when I was shot as a young teenager. It was the doctor’s judgment that removing it would be more invasive and damaging than just leaving it there, so they gave me a bunch of different shots (including a tetanus one, which SUCKED) and called it a day. To this day, I still set off more sensitive metal detectors.

3. I haven’t had a haircut since about 2009. And have only once been clean shaven since that same year, too. By accident, I might add … There was an electric razor, a sudden and violent sneeze, and then much lamentation.

4. Follow-up to that last one: I am a fool for not wearing hair bands before the past month or so! Yeah, the ponytail keeps the majority of my hair back, but the hair bands keep stray hairs from getting loose and dangling across my face like irritating strands of nigh-invisible vexation. Awesome! And they feel like a pretty, pretty princess tiara. Which is doubly awesome!

5. Right after moving to France (where I would work as an English Assistant in a high school for a year), I was looking for a cheap studio apartment where I could stay for a while. Though the place was roughly the size of a walk-in closet, I knew it was perfect the instant I set foot in it because there was the most distinct, most lucid rainbow I’ve ever seen shining through its big, bay window. In retrospect, this was pretty ironic, as I was still in the closet then … Or maybe not ironic per se, but actually totally fitting?

6. I’m a 4th Degree Blackbelt in Taekwon-Do. At present, also, I can count on two hands the number of people who are a more senior rank than I in my Taekwon-Do association (three 5ths, two 6ths, one 7th, three 8ths, and one 9th). Whenever I ponder over this, I feel vaguely anxious about the future. I’m gonna have responsibilities, ain’t I?

7. The three past tenses are my favorite subjects to teach in French. In part because they’re actually fairly intuitive and straight-forward once one understands their rules, in part because I consider story-telling (which is ultimately what I consider past tenses to be all about) to be just plain fun, but especially because so much clicks for students once they get a handle on them. It’s like … once they can communicate effectively with these three tenses (as well as the present tense, of course), they truly believe that they actually can speak French.

8. As a young child, I was passionate about fountains and making wishes on them. Like, *really* passionate. So passionate that if I wasn’t supplied by my parents with a coin to throw in them on demand, I would throw whatever immediately came to hand. More often than not (or so I’ve been told) this would be one of my shoes.

9. I can’t stand America’s performative patriotism. Especially in advertising. Like, what does a bald eagle have to do with a plumbing company? What did someone think “Liberty Self-Storage” was a good name for a business where customers pay essentially to borrow a garage? Why does a retailer for lawn-mower tires feel the need to fly a flag over their business? It’s just so … nonsensical that my country is like this.

10. Black licorice is probably my favorite candy. And black licorice ice cream is divine. Anyone who wants to start discourse on this subject is cordially invited to anally pleasure themself with a toilet brush’s business end at their earliest convenience.

Thanks for the asks!

I tag whomever is reading this and wants to take part in it.

[damonbation]

The Sweet Spot

���Success can get you to the top of a beautiful cliff,

but then propel you right over the edge of it.”

As a Mustachian, there’s a good chance that you are a bit of an overachiever. 

Maybe you fought hard to get exceptional grades in school, or perhaps you have always dominated in your career or your Ultramarathon habit or your hobbies – or maybe all of the above. 

In the big picture, this usually leads to having a “successful” life, because of this basic math:

Traditional Success  = How much work you do x How much society happens to value your work

The Nitty Gritty of Traditional Success

Now, lest the Internet Privilege Police head straight to Twitter to start writing out citations, Traditional Success is not a measure of your worthiness as a human being. We’re just talking about the old-fashioned, Smiling 1950s Man definition of success.

 And since we’re all scientists here, we could break the “Work” side of it down a bit further:

And thus, you could say that on average, doing more stuff produces more traditional success. 

But then what?

This is the point where a lot of  smart, driven, born-lucky people drive themselves up the Winding Road of Challenge and then right off the edge of the Cliff of Success. 

If you’re still on the way up, or stuck at the bottom, it is difficult to even imagine the idea of “too much success”. But it’s a real thing, and it happens much more quickly than the modern overachiever would like to admit. Observe the following cautionary tale:

Diana is the director of engineering in a Silicon Valley tech startup. The work is intense, but they are almost over the hump – the company went public last month, and she owns shares that are worth over $10 million at today’s share price. They will vest over the next five years, so she just needs to grind this out and then she will be set for life.

Sounds great, right?

Except this is Diana’s third smashing success. She was already set for life after the second company was acquired, and even before that, her first decade as a rising star at a large company had already left her with over $2 million of investments and a paid-off house in hella expensive Cupertino, California. She had more than enough to retire, twenty years ago!

To many people who are less fortunate, the present situation would still sound like great fortune, and in some ways, it is. Becoming a Director of Engineering is (usually) far better than a punch in the face.

But Diana is now 52 years old, with a collection of increasingly severe back and neck problems and a few medical prescriptions piling up. She has two grown children in their twenties, but wishes she had been able to spend more time with them as they grew up. She has all the money in the world, but still almost no free time, and this next five years is starting to look like an eternity.

What happened here?

Diana is in good company, because many of our hardest-working people fall into this same trap. They have the talent and the great work habits figured out, but they are still missing one last concept – the idea of the sweet spot.

Fig. 1: What is the ideal length of a high-end career?

Diana could have stopped after the first company, or the second, but her career success took on a momentum of its own, so she kept doubling down without stopping to consider why she was doing it – and what she was giving up in exchange.

Once you learn to see the phenomenon of the sweet spot, you will start noticing it everywhere. And it is an amazingly useful thing to start watching and fine-tuning to get the most out of your own life.

Fig.2: What is the ideal amount of Anything?

The Sweet Spot of Physical Training When a non-runner starts running, they will see immediate benefits. In the process of going from being unable to jog across a parking lot, to being able to easily jog a brisk mile, your entire body will transform for the better. Muscles and bones get stronger, heart and lungs expand and reach out to give your body a healthy embrace, brain functioning and mood and hormones smooth out and normalize. 

Training your way up to become a two mile runner still brings great benefits – just slightly smaller. The fifth through twentieth mile turn you into a hyper efficient machine, but some people start seeing joint injuries as they rise through the ranks.

And by the time you reach the fringe world of 100-mile runners, serious injuries and surgeries are completely normal – as well as unexpected organ failures in otherwise young, healthy people. The sweet spot for daily running for maximum health is somewhere the middle.

All around us, seemingly unrelated things follow this same pattern, from career work to physical exertion to parenting strategy.

Fame and Fortune – be careful what you wish for

Fame definitely has a sweet spot. Building up a good reputation in your community can open the door to better friendships, jobs, relationships, and more fun in general.

But as that reputation expands outwards to become fame, you get the “reward” of constant coverage in gossip magazines and waking up to find photographers and news reporters on your front lawn. At the extreme end, you need to mobilize a team of armored vehicles and line your route with snipers every time you leave your well-guarded compound.

Even money, our humble and ever-willing servant is subject to this phenomenon. It certainly helps us meet our basic needs, but there is a certain point at which Mo Money can become Mo Problems. 

The first bit of monetary surplus can be fun as you can afford a nice house and good food. Then the next chunk seems fun but also causes distractions as you rack up second and third houses and ever-more elaborate possessions and vacations that take a lot of energy to keep track of.

And from there it goes downhill as tabloids start keeping track of your wealth and scrutinizing your choices, hundreds of people mail in pleas for your generosity, and you end up with a full-time job just making sure that the surplus goes to good use. This life arrangement can still be enjoyable for some people, but I would definitely not wish it upon myself.

On and on this pattern goes. A curve with a sweet spot in the middle. The optimal amount of calories to consume in a day. The volume at which you will enjoy your music most. The right brightness of light to illuminate a room. The number of friends with whom you can have a meaningful relationship.

 Why does it occur in so many places? I believe it is because this is how our brains are wired in the first place. 

Humans are a ridiculously adaptable creature, but we do still come with limits.

And when you respect those limits and fine-tune your life within the sweet spot for all of the main pillars for happy living, you end up with the best possible chance at living a happy, prosperous life.

A Mid-Roll Advertisement:

Interest rates are still at WTF-low levels, so if you haven’t already done so, I recommend checking your current home mortgage and student loan rates. Either at your local credit union, or online via a service like Credible.

Click Here to open that up in a new tab, and keep reading.

The Curse Of the Overachievers – Revisited

So now you see the problem – overachievers like us tend to get really good at a few things like a career or an athletic pursuit often specializing so much that we neglect other things like overall health or personal relationships.

And our society notices and rewards us for the success, which just reinforces the behavior, so we take things to even higher extremes, often without stopping to think about the reason behind it.

Okay, So What Now?

Once you see the pattern of the sweet spot,  it is impossible to un-see it. So it becomes pretty easy to float up and look at your entire life from above, like an outside observer.

And from up there, you can see the areas where you have enough, and places where you may have already gone overboard, and the corresponding things that you have left neglected as the price of that success. 

Over the past year I’ve been looking at my own life from this perspective, coming up with quite a few of my own diagnoses:

Money: enough. Additional windfalls don’t seem to bring me any lasting joy, but I also don’t have so much money that it makes me nervous. It’s enough to feel safe and empowered, and that’s all I need. Meanwhile, giving away money has brought me lasting happiness, without creating a feeling of shortage or regret.

Career Success (blog): It Varies. When I was really working on this MMM job in the mid-2010s, it started to take over too much of my life. Emails, opportunities, travel and public attention all reached levels where I actually started to have less fun. So I tried dialing it back, as any long-term readers will have noticed. And sure enough, life improved. But then I went too far and started feeling a loss from letting this valued hobby slip away. I’ve been trying to get back into the groove, which revealed another problem – detailed at the end of this list.

Friendships: Not Enough. I have found myself not being able to keep up with close friends, and had difficulty making or keeping plans, partly out of  feeling overwhelmed with life details in general. Still, the opportunities abound here in my local community, and the people are wonderful. So I have the opportunity to keep working at this.

Health and Fitness: Enough. Since I was about fourteen years old, eating well and getting a lot of varied exercise has always been a kind of non-negotiable pillar for me. Nothing extreme, but just very consistent. I think this has been paying off as I feel healthy every day and have never had any physical or health problems in these 30+ years since.

Parenting and Kids: Enough (an A+!) Since 2005 I made “being a Dad” my primary goal in life, quitting my career to do so. It’s the only thing I can truly say I have done the best I could at, and I’m really proud of that. But part of this success came from only having one kid – both of us parents knew we couldn’t handle any more, given the overall conditions of life back then. So for us, the sweet spot was One Child – and absolutely no regrets in that department.

Personal Projects and Daily Habits: Not Enough. I get great satisfaction from working on challenging things and making progress. But far too often, I just can’t get it together and I squander entire days on accidental distractions. Planning to go out for a day of work can lead to searching for lost sunglasses which can lead to finding a lost to-do list which can lead to opening the computer to look something up and several hours disappearing. On and on these tangents can go, often leading to me not getting my primary, happiness-creating goals for the day accomplished. 

I discovered that I have a pretty severe and textbook case of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, which gets magnified if there are any sources of stress in my life. So I’m working on that (keeping stress down and also targeting habits, diet, exercise and even trying some medication), which will hopefully improve all other areas of life as well.

What am I missing? I’m still working on thinking it all through, so this list will surely grow.

Your Turn

Your life surely has a completely different array of surpluses, shortages and sweet spots than mine. Your assignment is therefore to write them all out tonight, and see where you stand in each area, and decide what to change. Many of the changes are quite easy to make, and yet the results are nothing short of life-changing.

In the comments: what are your own areas of surplus and shortage? And what’s your plan to help restore balance to your life?

from Money 101 https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2020/08/04/the-sweet-spot/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[andrewdburton]

The Sweet Spot

“Success can get you to the top of a beautiful cliff,

but then propel you right over the edge of it.”

As a Mustachian, there’s a good chance that you are a bit of an overachiever. 

Maybe you fought hard to get exceptional grades in school, or perhaps you have always dominated in your career or your Ultramarathon habit or your hobbies – or maybe all of the above. 

In the big picture, this usually leads to having a “successful” life, because of this basic math:

Traditional Success  = How much work you do x How much society happens to value your work

The Nitty Gritty of Traditional Success

Now, lest the Internet Privilege Police head straight to Twitter to start writing out citations, Traditional Success is not a measure of your worthiness as a human being. We’re just talking about the old-fashioned, Smiling 1950s Man definition of success.

 And since we’re all scientists here, we could break the “Work” side of it down a bit further:

And thus, you could say that on average, doing more stuff produces more traditional success. 

But then what?

This is the point where a lot of  smart, driven, born-lucky people drive themselves up the Winding Road of Challenge and then right off the edge of the Cliff of Success. 

If you’re still on the way up, or stuck at the bottom, it is difficult to even imagine the idea of “too much success”. But it’s a real thing, and it happens much more quickly than the modern overachiever would like to admit. Observe the following cautionary tale:

Diana is the director of engineering in a Silicon Valley tech startup. The work is intense, but they are almost over the hump – the company went public last month, and she owns shares that are worth over $10 million at today’s share price. They will vest over the next five years, so she just needs to grind this out and then she will be set for life.

Sounds great, right?

Except this is Diana’s third smashing success. She was already set for life after the second company was acquired, and even before that, her first decade as a rising star at a large company had already left her with over $2 million of investments and a paid-off house in hella expensive Cupertino, California. She had more than enough to retire, twenty years ago!

To many people who are less fortunate, the present situation would still sound like great fortune, and in some ways, it is. Becoming a Director of Engineering is (usually) far better than a punch in the face.

But Diana is now 52 years old, with a collection of increasingly severe back and neck problems and a few medical prescriptions piling up. She has two grown children in their twenties, but wishes she had been able to spend more time with them as they grew up. She has all the money in the world, but still almost no free time, and this next five years is starting to look like an eternity.

What happened here?

Diana is in good company, because many of our hardest-working people fall into this same trap. They have the talent and the great work habits figured out, but they are still missing one last concept – the idea of the sweet spot.

Fig. 1: What is the ideal length of a high-end career?

Diana could have stopped after the first company, or the second, but her career success took on a momentum of its own, so she kept doubling down without stopping to consider why she was doing it – and what she was giving up in exchange.

Once you learn to see the phenomenon of the sweet spot, you will start noticing it everywhere. And it is an amazingly useful thing to start watching and fine-tuning to get the most out of your own life.

Fig.2: What is the ideal amount of Anything?

The Sweet Spot of Physical Training When a non-runner starts running, they will see immediate benefits. In the process of going from being unable to jog across a parking lot, to being able to easily jog a brisk mile, your entire body will transform for the better. Muscles and bones get stronger, heart and lungs expand and reach out to give your body a healthy embrace, brain functioning and mood and hormones smooth out and normalize. 

Training your way up to become a two mile runner still brings great benefits – just slightly smaller. The fifth through twentieth mile turn you into a hyper efficient machine, but some people start seeing joint injuries as they rise through the ranks.

And by the time you reach the fringe world of 100-mile runners, serious injuries and surgeries are completely normal – as well as unexpected organ failures in otherwise young, healthy people. The sweet spot for daily running for maximum health is somewhere the middle.

All around us, seemingly unrelated things follow this same pattern, from career work to physical exertion to parenting strategy.

Fame and Fortune – be careful what you wish for

Fame definitely has a sweet spot. Building up a good reputation in your community can open the door to better friendships, jobs, relationships, and more fun in general.

But as that reputation expands outwards to become fame, you get the “reward” of constant coverage in gossip magazines and waking up to find photographers and news reporters on your front lawn. At the extreme end, you need to mobilize a team of armored vehicles and line your route with snipers every time you leave your well-guarded compound.

Even money, our humble and ever-willing servant is subject to this phenomenon. It certainly helps us meet our basic needs, but there is a certain point at which Mo Money can become Mo Problems. 

The first bit of monetary surplus can be fun as you can afford a nice house and good food. Then the next chunk seems fun but also causes distractions as you rack up second and third houses and ever-more elaborate possessions and vacations that take a lot of energy to keep track of.

And from there it goes downhill as tabloids start keeping track of your wealth and scrutinizing your choices, hundreds of people mail in pleas for your generosity, and you end up with a full-time job just making sure that the surplus goes to good use. This life arrangement can still be enjoyable for some people, but I would definitely not wish it upon myself.

On and on this pattern goes. A curve with a sweet spot in the middle. The optimal amount of calories to consume in a day. The volume at which you will enjoy your music most. The right brightness of light to illuminate a room. The number of friends with whom you can have a meaningful relationship.

 Why does it occur in so many places? I believe it is because this is how our brains are wired in the first place. 

Humans are a ridiculously adaptable creature, but we do still come with limits.

And when you respect those limits and fine-tune your life within the sweet spot for all of the main pillars for happy living, you end up with the best possible chance at living a happy, prosperous life.

A Mid-Roll Advertisement:

Interest rates are still at WTF-low levels, so if you haven’t already done so, I recommend checking your current home mortgage and student loan rates. Either at your local credit union, or online via a service like Credible.

Click Here to open that up in a new tab, and keep reading.

The Curse Of the Overachievers – Revisited

So now you see the problem – overachievers like us tend to get really good at a few things like a career or an athletic pursuit often specializing so much that we neglect other things like overall health or personal relationships.

And our society notices and rewards us for the success, which just reinforces the behavior, so we take things to even higher extremes, often without stopping to think about the reason behind it.

Okay, So What Now?

Once you see the pattern of the sweet spot,  it is impossible to un-see it. So it becomes pretty easy to float up and look at your entire life from above, like an outside observer.

And from up there, you can see the areas where you have enough, and places where you may have already gone overboard, and the corresponding things that you have left neglected as the price of that success. 

Over the past year I’ve been looking at my own life from this perspective, coming up with quite a few of my own diagnoses:

Money: enough. Additional windfalls don’t seem to bring me any lasting joy, but I also don’t have so much money that it makes me nervous. It’s enough to feel safe and empowered, and that’s all I need. Meanwhile, giving away money has brought me lasting happiness, without creating a feeling of shortage or regret.

Career Success (blog): It Varies. When I was really working on this MMM job in the mid-2010s, it started to take over too much of my life. Emails, opportunities, travel and public attention all reached levels where I actually started to have less fun. So I tried dialing it back, as any long-term readers will have noticed. And sure enough, life improved. But then I went too far and started feeling a loss from letting this valued hobby slip away. I’ve been trying to get back into the groove, which revealed another problem – detailed at the end of this list.

Friendships: Not Enough. I have found myself not being able to keep up with close friends, and had difficulty making or keeping plans, partly out of  feeling overwhelmed with life details in general. Still, the opportunities abound here in my local community, and the people are wonderful. So I have the opportunity to keep working at this.

Health and Fitness: Enough. Since I was about fourteen years old, eating well and getting a lot of varied exercise has always been a kind of non-negotiable pillar for me. Nothing extreme, but just very consistent. I think this has been paying off as I feel healthy every day and have never had any physical or health problems in these 30+ years since.

Parenting and Kids: Enough (an A+!) Since 2005 I made “being a Dad” my primary goal in life, quitting my career to do so. It’s the only thing I can truly say I have done the best I could at, and I’m really proud of that. But part of this success came from only having one kid – both of us parents knew we couldn’t handle any more, given the overall conditions of life back then. So for us, the sweet spot was One Child – and absolutely no regrets in that department.

Personal Projects and Daily Habits: Not Enough. I get great satisfaction from working on challenging things and making progress. But far too often, I just can’t get it together and I squander entire days on accidental distractions. Planning to go out for a day of work can lead to searching for lost sunglasses which can lead to finding a lost to-do list which can lead to opening the computer to look something up and several hours disappearing. On and on these tangents can go, often leading to me not getting my primary, happiness-creating goals for the day accomplished. 

I discovered that I have a pretty severe and textbook case of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, which gets magnified if there are any sources of stress in my life. So I’m working on that (keeping stress down and also targeting habits, diet, exercise and even trying some medication), which will hopefully improve all other areas of life as well.

What am I missing? I’m still working on thinking it all through, so this list will surely grow.

Your Turn

Your life surely has a completely different array of surpluses, shortages and sweet spots than mine. Your assignment is therefore to write them all out tonight, and see where you stand in each area, and decide what to change. Many of the changes are quite easy to make, and yet the results are nothing short of life-changing.

In the comments: what are your own areas of surplus and shortage? And what’s your plan to help restore balance to your life?

from Finance https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2020/08/04/the-sweet-spot/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[hdcurrentenjoyalways-blog]

Happiness Is Everything In Life

When most of us think about what makes us happy, we tend to focus on the “things” in life that we crave or long to own. These things may be concrete consumables or they may be intangible resources, such as “time,” “inner peace,” or “true love.”

It is easier for us to create a list of what we want the world to give us than it is to think in terms of what we can give back to the world.

We live in a world of instant feedback and conspicuous consumption. It may be experienced firsthand through the “Buy Now” button on Amazon’s website or through the obsession with following celebrities’ tweets or video reviews of products, films, and life, in general.

It is amazing how many “things” everyone seems to have in their lives – and how many more things we might desire that we believe will make us feel even better about ourselves in relation to how we think others feel about us.

It is perhaps the paradoxical desire to divest to have more that has created the hot new trend for “tiny houses” or the online tales of people who are living “off the grid,” (ironic, isn’t it, that we hear about these folks’ experiences online?), or the movement to make do in life with 100 possessions or less. Actually, now that our cellphones can do just about anything that we need them to do – from finding our potential mate to preparing dinner via online ordering from nearby take-out places – making do with less isn’t as austere as it once might have been.

“Down-sizing,” “right-sizing,” or “de-cluttering all reflect the same realization that is gaining momentum – possessions simply won’t bring lasting happiness to our lives.

Happiness is a state of being, not a pile of stuff.

So, I’m going to share with you the Big Four Happiness Factors.

Disclaimer: I’m a counselor, a counselor educator, and more significantly, an unashamed optimist. So I’m going to assume that I am planting the seeds of unimaginable levels of personal growth and development through these next few slides.

The Big Four practices that can change your life for good are friendliness, cheerfulness, compassion, and gratitude.

Let’s break these down.

Friendliness First

Some people can be described as “the type of person who’s never met a stronger.” These are people who meet the world with a pleasant temperament and an openness to new people and new experiences – regardless of who may be placed in their path on any given day.

Friendliness is about offering warmth and good humor to those around you.

It is about being willing to make the first move socially while recognizing that others may be a little slow to warm up and that the rewards for friendliness are not always immediately enjoyed. I once worked with a vibrant and delightful woman in her 70s who avowed that “every day is a new opportunity to add to your collection of friends!” She couldn’t count the number of friends she had and she couldn’t find words to describe the pleasure they brought her in life.

Human beings are social creatures and being kind is a lot more likely to help you build your “tribe” than showing indifference to or disinterest in the people that you might someday need for support or assistance.

Make Cheerfulness Your Default Demeanor

There are plenty of old songs that encourage us to “put on a happy face” or “smile when your heart is breaking,” or “don’t worry, be happy.” Many of us may feel a little confused about why we are always encouraging people to “lie” to themselves.

Actually, there is a Zen koan or saying that states simply, “Practice smiling while peeling carrots.” My yoga instructor always encourages us to smile during the most difficult poses. She asks the question, “Are you smiling because you are happy or are you happy because you are smiling?”

She was on to something important.

Being able to offer a sunny disposition to the world, regardless of your inner state, actually encourages you to physically feel better!

So when someone else is turning to you to help them deal with their problems, smiling at them will help you let go of your frustration and exhaustion and be present for them in an awesome way.

Smiles are contagious, too, and if we are able to find the energy to offer our own smile to others, even when our inner world is falling apart, we are going to feel better when our smile is returned.

Seeing someone offer you a genuine smile has actually been found to be emotionally and mental healing.

When You’re Feeling Lonely, Do This . . .

Did you know that simply imagining that you are being smiled at by someone you love is just as powerfully healing as having that person present?

Close your eyes for a moment. Now, imagine being with someone you love and who cares about you and who isn’t here with you today. Now, imagine this person offering you a warm smile. Once you’ve locked that image in place, take a deep breath and slowly open your eyes. Did you find you were smiling just thinking about that special person’s smile? Did you feel warmth around their heart, like a hug, as you imagined that person?

Yep, it works almost every time!

NOW, if you need one more reason to be cheerful movies, how about this.

Research has shown that when patients grimace during medical treatments or procedures, they actually feel MORE PAIN than those who do not.

Gritting your teeth and bearing it is not the best option. Letting yourself smile in the midst of struggle is what brings a change in perception.

Be empathetic to those who might seek assistance from you and offer them extra support by way of an encouraging smile. When you use your warm presence to help them get through difficult times, the pay-off can be huge!

Be Compassionate

Offering compassion to others is another charitable act that positively influences the giver. When we accept others’ shortcomings or cut others slack for their own wrongs or missteps, we are actually valuing humanity over someone else’s personal flaws.

Most of us are truly doing the best we can at any given moment. Sure, some days our “best” is far from “enough,” and there are days when we know that we are guilty of giving less where we probably should have tried harder to give more.

No one is at 100 percent of their game every day. However, if you accept the shortfall of another, the windfall for you is a happier life.

Offer Gratitude

Whatever you have in life and wherever you are, you can find some reason to be grateful. Today, you may be anxious, but you showed up, for instance.

Acknowledging your own good fortune – no matter how seemingly slight or minimal at the moment – can actually enhance your overall wellbeing.

Researchers have found that being truly grateful for what you have can yield important physical benefits – we sleep better and enjoy better relationships!

Not only that, but researchers have also found that your level of gratitude is inversely proportion to your level of depressed feelings or sadness.

The more grateful you are in life, the better the chances are that you will actually enjoy what you have!

So, I’ve shared the Secret to Happiness. Being happy is that simple. But maybe you’re wondering, “Why bother being happy”? There’s so much drama with politics, healthcare, the economic crisis, global warming, domestic strife, you name it! I get it. Sometimes it seems that if you’re expecting the world to make you happy, it simply isn’t going to happen.

However, you might realize the value of instilling these four practices into your daily life if you realize that choosing to engage in health-promoting behaviors will positively influence your own satisfaction with life – as well as of the lives of those around you!

Happy people enjoy less stressful lives!

Happy people are protected against some forms of chronic illnesses.

In fact, happy people actually live longer, too!

Plus, you are a LOT MORE FUN to be around if you’re feeling good about life!

You don’t have to win the lottery, earn a 4.0, bowl a 300, find the perfect job, find true love, or live a perfect life to find happiness.

You just need to do four things:

Meet the world with a positive attitude.

Smile at and befriend others.

Cut us all a little slack.

Be consciously grateful for all that you do have rather than worrying about why you do not.

Why be happy? Because those of us who see the world as a good place actually will enjoy the present moment more fully and typically have a few more moments in life to enjoy that the Debby Downers around us.

Be happy – just do it.

[thealmightyrage-blog1]

The fight is half over, no time for mercy now.

We had what will hopefully be the last staffing meeting at DHS ever.  In that meeting, the DHS supervisor informed my wife and I that legal custody would be signed back over to us at the end of August and that they would see how it went after that time.  On September 21st, DHS will officially be closing the case, with no protective service case to follow, leaving us free to relocate to anywhere in the world we choose.  Leaving might be the smartest thing we can do but as they say, I have unfinished business.  Make no mistake about it, there will be a federal lawsuit and it will be initiated by me and me alone.  I am filing pro persona without the help of a lawyer because there are so many sackless spineless money hungry sons of bitches running around calling themselves lawyers and I don't have time to waste on one and I sure as hell ain't gonna make one richer by begging him to take my case, fuck that shit.  The DHS case worker and supervisor were surprisingly civil at this meeting, the hardest part of filing this lawsuit is going to be hardening my heart, because in all reality I am not truthfully a mean sumbitch.  Don't get me wrong, I am sure even Satan himself can put on a nice face when he wants something, so this is all a ploy but I have to get mean and harden my heart to take on a group of individuals who by all definitions available are pure evil incarnate.   Prior to filing this lawsuit however, my safe house will have to be fortified, I am expecting retaliation from these animals and when they do, not only will my house be protected, but my reaction will swift and severe, in the form of the filing of an emergency protective order.   Anybody wishing to donate to the cause of freedom should do so via my GoFundMe page.  At the bare minimum there will be cameras and a reinforced door, but in case there are any snooops from the department of evil services, I will not give away all my goodies that I have in store for them should they attempt to harass and intimidate my family once more.  I am not a mean and nasty person by nature so hardening my heart will indeed be difficult for me, especially in the face of people who can easily change from sweet as pie to they're true nature so effortlessly.  I have to acquire the ability to see beyond they're living bullshit, beyond they're living lies and see straight into they're evil black hearts and destroy them in a court of law.  Make no mistake about it, I am going for broke, swinging for the fences, I do not want to wound them, I want reputations destroyed, careers ended and a giant bank account in the end.  I want a life changing windfall that never would have occurred if I had not fought for what I believed in, fought to protect my family from having this ever happening again and reminding these sons of bitches that are people like this in my State and in this country and that serious consideration should be paid before victimizing anyone again, you just never know when your actions might turn a timid, calm and patient individual into a fighting, lawsuit filing judicial murder machine.  I should emphasize at this point my objection to actual physical violence, I want to kill them in the court room, not in literal terms.  I have never advocated violence.  Nothing changed after Ruby Ridge, nothing changed after Waco, nothing changed after the OKC bombing, people died and life went on, that's it.  There were no policy shifts, no grand awakening of a group of government officials, not a damn thing was changed by violence in those situations.  After the lawsuits are filed, I know there will be many who will want information, unfortunately, I will not be commenting publicly after litigation commences as it could negatively impact my case, a self imposed gag order is what I plan on instituting against myself.  It will truly be a miracle if a judge allows this case to move forward and does not dismiss it out of hand and if the judge does not dismiss it, it will truly be David versus Goliath, but damnit DCFS made a soldier out of me, a warrior and they are about to find out how big of a mistake they made by targeting MY family, by victimizing MY family, by traumatizing MY family, by cause stress and psychological duress to MY family, they have made a life changing error in judgement.  At the end of the day, the battle is almost over, the war is coming.  There must be no mercy shown by me because they will show me no less.  Until next time. Blessed be, https://www.gofundme.com/andrewandchrissy https://www.facebook.com/pg/One-after-another-1387559854882114/about/?ref=page_internal