#because in the next shot he turns towards dipper in a pretty cool looking way and theres the thing with the reflection

[razzafrazzle]

literally my favorite aspect of sock opera is bill calmly but repeatedly failing to buckle his seatbelt. like its funny enough that Bill Cipher of all people is putting on a seatbelt but its so funny that he keeps fucking it up. but he's still just smiling like a dumbass the entire time

[toothpastecanyon]

A Name From the Mailbox, Chapter 4

Dipper finds out the author's name before Not What He Seems. It's not the person he expected.

See most updated version on Archive of Our Own.

______________________________________________________________

“The end times?”

The ride home had been strange so far. Dipper and Mabel exchanged glances before looking back at the old man sitting between them.

“There’s a doomsday device under Gravity Falls?” Dipper made a face. “No offense, but is this, uh, like the Gobblewonker situation?”

“It’s real! Look at these gravitational readings, kid!” He gestured at a matrix of numbers on the screen. “Waves of anomalies! And once it activates - you best be holding onto something, cause you’ll start floating up!”

Soos looked back. “Whoa. That sounds pretty cool, dude.”

“It’s not cool! It’s tearing a hole in our universe!”

“Aww.”

“Okay, okay, calm down,” Dipper raised a hand. “We can shut it down, right? Where is it?”

“Ohhh… I used to know, I don’t recall!”

“Maybe it’s in that old bunker?” Mabel sat forward. “We should go back there!”

“Maybe…” He frowned. “After the Shack, yeah.”

At that moment, Soos turned into the parking lot. Mabel’s frown deepened.

“Why after?”

“We’re already here, right? It’ll just take a second.” Dipper opened the door and jumped out. He held it for McGucket, and raised an eyebrow when Mabel remained in the car. “Mabel? Come on!”

“We should find the bunker, Dipper.”

“Yeah, we will, just-”

“We should go look for the bunker, now.” Mabel crossed her arms. “We just got told there’s a big scary thing that’s gonna end the world and you still want to look for Stan stuff? He’s not gonna know about a doomsday thingy.”

“Well, we don’t know that-”

“Dipper.”

Mabel was looking at him with a very knowing expression. He took one look at it, and then sighed.

“Well… if Stan’s the Author, he’s gotta know where it’ll be, right? He probably built it.” He watched Mabel raise her eyebrows. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Because I don’t think Grunkle Stan’s the Author, Dipper.” She pulled her hands into her sleeves. “You know that, right?”

Dipper hesitated. He looked back towards the house; Soos was opening the side door. “I mean, it’s very possible. And we’re already here, we might as well-”

Mabel got out of the car and pushed past him without a word. He frowned and hurried to catch up with her.

“Come on, Mabel. Don’t be like that.” A pause. “I don’t think it’d be in the bunker anyways. We looked all over that place.”

“Hey, dude!” Soos waved him over. “What are we looking for? I forgot.”

“It’s…” Dipper glanced one more time at Mabel, then jogged forwards. “It’s a big stack of papers, it should be in the living room. Come on.”

They entered the kitchen, and Dipper suddenly froze - was Stan back? He listened for a couple seconds, but the house was silent… eerily silent. They headed into the living room and were greeted by an empty chair - and no thesis, no picture to show Fiddleford.

“Of course,” Dipper frowned. “Stan must’ve put them somewhere.”

“...What is this place?”

A strange question - he glanced over, and found McGucket looking around the room.

“Oh, it’s just our house,” he said, and then cleared his throat. “I bet he still has it somewhere. Soos, you know where he hides stuff, right?”

“Yeah… he says I’m supposed to keep them secret, though. Like the money under the squeaky step on the stairs, the arrest warrants under the rug in the gift shop…” He counted them off with his fingers. “The wallets in the Sascrotch…”

“Okay, cool, you can take the gift shop.” Dipper looked over at McGucket. “And, uh, take him too, I guess. Mabel and I- oh, you know where it might be? His office, we’ll go there.”

“Okay,” said Mabel. He cringed a bit at her tone, but continued.

“Alright, if we find it, we can meet back up. It’ll be hard to miss, it’s like a giant stack of paper, and it’ll have Stan’s picture on top.”

“Got it, dude.” Soos shot finger guns at him as he backed away. “Come on, McGucket, it’s this way.”

The two of them shuffled out of sight, and Dipper nodded to Mabel.

“Alright, let’s, uh, go.”

“Yeah, to the office.”

Mabel turned and started walking to the back. He trailed along behind her.

“Yeah, it’ll just be quick,” he said. Paused. Then: “It’s worth checking out. I mean, you saw the same stuff I saw. It’s not at least a little weird to you that he’s got a whole PhD on anomalous events even though he never-”

“Yeah, Dipper, you told me already.”

“Then why doesn’t it make sense to check it out?” He opened the door to the office. “If he’s not the author, then we can just go to the next thing, right?”

Mabel snorted. “Oh yeah, and you’re totally ready to let this go. I know you, dum dum. You’re gonna spend the rest of the summer obsessing about this, and not in a fun way. In the ‘arguing with Grunkle Stan every night’ way.”

“Well… well, it’s weird, isn’t it? Stan is hiding something.” He made a beeline for the paper shredder, and picked it up. “Look, look! This thing’s stuffed - ugh, I bet he shredded it! Now why do you think he’d do that?”

“I dunno?” Mabel poked at the paper copier. “Hey, do you remember that dance party we had? Maybe we could ask Grunkle Stan to throw another one!”

“Oh, that? Oh, that…” He started going through the papers scattered around the desk. “I remember that. I didn’t really get to spend a lot of time at it, I was, uh…”

“Trying to nerd your way into dancing with Wendy?”

“Yeah, yeah... Mabel, look!” He grabbed a piece of paper. “There’s one page he didn’t shred for some reason - and it’s the one with his picture! Yes!” He flipped it over to show her. “Look, it is him, right down to the glasses! And he’s building the Mystery Shack - tell me that’s not him!”

Mabel frowned at the photo. She started to open her mouth, but-

There was a sound. A yell. A cry. Both of them locked eyes, and without a word they ran for the gift shop.

“Are you guys okay?” Dipper said as he burst through the door. The first thing he saw was McGucket, on the floor, trembling. “McGucket?”

“I seen it!” McGucket stabbed a finger at - the vending machine? “I seen it, right down there! It’s there!”

“What’s here?” Mabel tried to help him up, but he scrambled away. “What’s wrong?”

“The machine… my mind… I’m not going down there again! You can’t make me!”

Then he bolted for the door. Soos tried to grab him, but he was gone in a flash, the door slamming shut behind him. Dipper blinked, and then looked to Soos.

“Uh… what happened?”

“I dunno, dude! One minute he was fine, I turn around and suddenly he’s freaking out!” Soos picked up a case on the counter. “He left his laptop, too.”

“Weird.” Mabel took it from him. “What do you think he saw? Dipper?”

Dipper wasn’t right beside her. He had walked a couple paces forward, towards the vending machine.

“Dipper?”

It looked normal, mundane. He couldn’t count the number of times he’d passed by this thing without sparing it a second glance. There was nothing really to draw the eye; no flashy colours, no display lights on the snacks, no attempt from Stan to dress it up as any sort of attraction. It was maybe the most normal looking thing in the gift shop, but…

He reached out. Felt the sides. There was decades’ worth of grime caught between the metal edge and the wooden wall, but as his fingers slid down, they came across something - a bump?

He looked.

A hinge.

______________________________________________________________

Shit. Shit, shit. Did he lose them?

Heart beating in his chest, Stan slowly raised himself up, and looked out the side of the van he was driving. Through the cracks in the grass, he could see lights from the highway silhouetting the trees he looked through. White lights - no red and blue, though it was harder to tell with the feds.

He grit his teeth, and forced his shoulders down. It had been quiet for a while. If they were gonna find him here, they would’ve done it by now.

“Alright, Stan,” he grunted. Opened the door. “Hard part’s done. Now I just need to get it home.”

He rubbed his forehead as he got out of the van; there was a split in it that had stopped bleeding not that long ago. He cast one look to the front, to the smoking engine crumpled into the side of a thick trunk, and limped his way to the back - past the side of the van that read ‘OFFICIAL WASTE DISPOSAL VEHICLE’ in large letters. He unlatched the rear doors, opened them, and shone a flashlight inside.

There was the shine of several metal cylinders. One of them had flown up a little in the collision and was resting sideways on the others. It looked like it had a pretty bad dent in it, but nothing looked to be leaking out; not noticeably, at least.

“Hmph.” He nodded a little. “I can work with this. Alright.”

There was a tarp and a couple construction signs thrown about the back; he covered the van, set up a few signs to keep away curious onlookers, then started off through the forest. It slow and dark, but, as he checked his watch, not dark for too much longer. The kids’d be up if he took too long, so he groaned and forced himself to walk a little faster.

Shouldn’t’ve tried to rush this job, he thought. Should’ve learned his lesson from Columbia. If the feds weren’t onto him before, they sure were now. Maybe he should get out of town for a bit, take the kids on a little road trip…

He made a face. Miss the portal opening, probably. Thirty years of work, and he might not even be there to see it pay off.

There was a tug and a ripping sound as his pantlegs brushed past a thorny bush, and he swore under his breath.

“Great. Just great.” Finally he trudged his way out onto the Shack’s parking lot. “Alright, focus. Gotta work quickly.”

Stan grabbed some supplies stashed by the outhouse and loaded them into his car. He put the seats back, started it, and drove right back to where he’d hit the trees; for once he was driving carefully, following the speed limit. Once he saw the flash of construction signs down in the forest, he turned off his headlights and drove slowly down to the van.

There, he stopped. Pulled the tarp off. The words emblazoned across the sides of the van were really gonna catch the eye of whoever found this thing; he took a can of spraypaint and quickly covered them, paused, and then replaced it with ‘PROPERTY OF TENT OF TELEPATHY’ After that, he opened the back and loaded as many drums of waste into his car that he could. When he ran out of space, he wrapped two in the tarp and tied them to the roof.

Stan tightened them one last time, and stepped back to catch his breath.

There. Now all he had to do was get home.

The sky was just barely beginning to lighten as Stan pulled back into the Mystery Shack. He pulled off his gloves as he made his way toward the gift shop, opened the door, and walked towards the vending machine.

Something did catch his eye, though. There was something on the register with a little red light; he picked it up, and immediately he could feel it was a little camera… A camera that was currently recording. Stan frowned at that, and looked up, up to the vending machine it was pointed at.

He had a bad feeling about this. And a second later when he heard a strange creak from the corner of the gift shop, he reached down, grasped the baseball bat leaning against the side of the counter, and made his way to the sound.

He stepped silently, avoiding the squeaky floorboards. There was definitely a figure in the corner, but… smaller than he was expecting. It didn’t look like an agent, actually, it looked more like…

“Kid?”

Dipper squinted when the flashlight came on. Stan breathed a sigh of relief - yup, it was just him - before a new fear started churning his stomach.

“What are you doing here kid? It’s late, you should be in bed!” He shone the flashlight lower. “Are those IDs? Did you go rooting through my room?”

“It is late. Where have you been, Grunkle Stan?”

Stan glanced back to his car. He really didn’t have time for this.

“And what happened to your face?”

“Eh… woodpecker.” Stan motioned him up. “Cmon, kid, off to bed with you. Your parents’d kill me if they found out how late you’re up.”

“Since when have you cared about how late we stay up?”

“Since right now, kid, so-“

“No!” Dipper crossed his arms, and there was a strange shine in his eyes. “What’s wrong with me sitting here? In this room?”

“Dipper.”

“You’re hiding something, aren’t you!”

“Dipper, you’re trying my patience.” He glanced back again. “Look, how about I cut you a deal. You go to bed, tomorrow we can have a proper talk about this, alright?”

“What, so you can tell me more about how you aren’t the Author?” He rose to his feet. “You know, ‘Stan’, at first I thought you weren’t telling me because you wanted to ‘protect me’ or whatever, but now I know what you’re up to. McGucket, he saw what the machine was gonna do to the world, but you kept going, didn’t you?”

“McGucket? What?”

“It’s too late to play dumb, Stan! I know what you’re really hiding. There’s a doomsday machine under the Mystery Shack!”

Stan heard that, and the first thing that came out of his mouth was a startled snort. “What?” He managed. “You spent this whole time trying to figure me out, and you came up with that?”

But the look in his eyes… wow, he was serious about this, wasn’t he?

“You really think I’m building a doomsday machine?” Stan laughed again, but it rang hollow against Dipper’s unsmiling expression. “Have a little faith in me, kid, come on. I’m not trying to end the world.”

“You’re lying.” He said, trying to puff out his chest. “And I’m not gonna let you do this. I’m gonna stop you.”

At that, Stan let out a deep sigh. He looked up at the first morning rays peeking through the blinders, and then back at his nephew.

“Go to bed, kid.”

“No. I’m gonna stay here, I’m- hey!”

In one move, Stan picked him up and hoisted him over his shoulder. He started towards the back, wincing a bit as Dipper pounded on his shoulder.

“Let me go, Grunkle Stan! Let me go!”

Up the stairs. Dipper tried to wiggle out of his grip, but he held him firmly in place.

“You’ve just proved I’m right, you know! You’re not gonna get away with this!”

Stan made his way up to the attic, opened the door, and set dipper down in the bedroom. He blocked Dipper from squeezing past him as he started swinging it closed.

“Stan!”

“We’ll talk about this tomorrow. You get some rest.” As the gap narrowed, he saw the light landing on Mabel’s bed. She almost looked asleep, but he could see her staring back at him. “Night, kids.”

Then he shut the door, turned the lock… and after a second of hesitation he dragged a chair over and slotted it under the handle. A bit extreme, he thought, but the kid was smart. Tonight wasn’t the night to take chances.

Stan backed away, and started back down the steps.

He was so close, now. So close.

And no one was going to get in his way.

Hours later, when Dipper was slumped half-asleep against the door, he grunted at a strange light. It wasn’t like the sunlight; it was strangely blue, and as he bolted up and rubbed his eyes, he could see it shining up from between the floorboards.

Then he felt… strange. Light. He yelped as his feet suddenly left the ground, and suddenly everything in their bedroom was starting to float up, up; McGucket’s laptop, slowly spinning in the air, beeped and displayed a message that made his blood go cold:

MACHINE STATUS: ACTIVE

And then suddenly the weightlessness vanished, and he dropped back down, scrambled over to the laptop.

“Oh, no, no, no,” he said, his face lit red from warning signs. “Stan, what are you doing?”

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “Pictures in the Sky.”

You guys *want fluff*

Me *ripping open an industrial sized bag of build-a-bear-stuffing whispering* they wanted fluff 

Lol I hope this is what you demons were looking for. was trying to work on creating an emotional environment with words instead of leaning on action to make things interesting. 

Tried to insert some of my own experiences to make it more authentic. 

Hope you guys enjoy :) 

Sunny glanced out the window. The night was dark, as it tended to be on earth, though a patch of warm honey light spilled from the kitchen window and onto the back lawn lighting the grass below. Squinting into the darkness, she thought she could see a shape illuminated by the light blue blanket which he had draped around himself.

She turned her head watching as blue light spilled in form the living room, where Jim was watching a late night game. 

Martha was sitting at the kitchen table next to a pile of paint cans with a book open before her on the table.

Sunny approached the back sliding screen door, feeling a waft of cool night air brush over her skin. It smelled damp, and earthy. Tilting her head she could the distant chatter of crickets. She reached out sliding the screen door open with a soft swish before stepping outside onto the back porch.

She closed the door softly behind her and walked out across the deck tilting her head back to look up at the sky. The stars had been more prominent on her home planet. Where earth suffered from the grip of light pollution and a rather distant view of the universe, her planet had bordered a massive star nursery which produced many clusters and a great amount of gaseous emissions.

Still, with the moon rising high above them, and the distant arm of the milky way cutting across the sky she had to admit the remoteness was quite beautiful. No wonder humanity had always been obsessed with the night, so dark and mysterious.

Her feet met cold grass, and at first she couldn’t tell if it was wet or just cool.

More crickets started up,and where the backyard met the treeline, she thought she could hear the distant croaking of frogs.

The thought of those strange little creatures made her happy. She didn’t know why.

As the honey glow of the kitchen faded into the distant, the mound on the grass grew into sharper focus.

Adam lay on his back, one a blanket spread on the grass one hand resting behind his head, the other resting on his stomach. The night was pleasant enough that he didn’t even bother to wear long sleeves.

His pale skin stood out in the darkness.

She saw him turn his head as he heard her coming, and a flash of teeth glittered white in the dark.

She paused --- standing over him -- and looked up at the sky,”Homesick?” She wondered 

He laughed, “Maybe a little.” He patted the blanket next to him, and she obliged taking a set and then flopping onto her back against the blanket.

Overhead a streak of white light cut through the darkness before vanishing.

“Beautiful, isn’t it.”

The moon winked at them from the darkness.

“Yes .” Sunny whispered 

He reached up a hand pointing out towards the darkness, “You see that cluster of stars there, just a few degrees left….. Yeah. That’s where your planet is.”

Sunny stared on in fascination.

Adam rested his hand back behind his head, “Crazy to think we saw parts of the same night sky.”

She had never thought about it that way before, and it made her shiver a little.

“Of course the light form there is likely a couple thousand years old, so even if we had been looking at each other, its actually more like seeing into the past.”

She turned her head to look down at him crickets chirping softly in the background.

A light wind rustled through the trees, bringing with it a distant roll of white noise. The grass rustled next to them creating a rippling wave back and up towards the house.”

“You seem to know a lot about astronomy for a soldier she said wryly, though honestly she was really just baiting him into talking. The voice of a human was generally very nice, melodic  almost with a sort of cadence to it.

He chuckled softly, before pausing, “you know all this.” He reached a hand up towards the sky, “Is the reason I became so fascinated with aliens, and astronomy, and becoming an astronaut.” She turned to  look at him, curious, and he continued on.

“I think it might be the earliest memory I have. Mom says it was only a  few years after the first colonies were settled on mars. We were just beginning to build up our station on the moon, and there was this meteor shower.. I think it was the Perseid Meteor shower, which happens every year or so. Now my memory could totally be wrong about everything but…. I remember huge balls of fire that made crackling noises as they fell from the sky…. Like i said, I am pretty sure my kid mind made it out to be a bigger deal that it actually was, but….” he trailed off to look at the sky, “Every time I think about it I get that same feeling, a sort of sense of awe….”

He sighed, and as if to punctuate his sentence a bright streak of light flew across their vision.

“After that it was all over for me. I wanted to watch all the space movies, I wanted to go to all the museums, and then when I heard about UFOs, well the obsession just got worse.”

Sunny turned her head to look at him, “What is a UFO.”

He laughed face split by a massive grin, “The irony is glorious. I am explaining what a UFO is to an alien. A UFO is an unidentified flying object. And when I was a kid I got caught into one of those conspiracy theories that said the government was lying to us about the existence of aliens, and that  they had visited earth in flying saucers and abducted people and what not.”

Sunny snorted, “The GA would never have bothered entering your planet’s atmosphere.”

“Well I know that now, but when I was a kid, I was convinced….” He shifted a bit close enough that she could feel the heat shedding from his skin pointing upwards, “See that one, its called the big dipper or ursa major. If you follow the tip you can find tPolaris. It’s been used by humans to navigate for thousands of years. We can’t see polar lines like you, so we needed some way to find north.”

He dropped his hand back down to his chest, “Of course, as I got older I sort of dropped the UFO thing in favor of knowing that there were aliens out there. I had read the studies listened to all the talks, and there seemed to be no way that we were the only ones. I grew up trying to convince people that there were other worlds out there with other life….. He sighed, no one ever believed me.”

“You crazy person.” She muttered resting one set of arms behind her head enjoying the irony.

“Ha, yeah. Sad part is, I may never have gone to space. You know my parents aren't all that wealthy, and traveling off earth is generally pretty expensive. When i was a kid I begged to visit Mars, or the moon. IT was devastating when My parents said no, of course now I understand that we were a couple  million short.”

Sunny tried not to think about that outcome. A dimension in which Adam never made it to space would probably have been a very sad one.

“I went  through different phases too. At first I wanted to be an astronaut, and then I wanted to be an astronomer, and then a physicist, and then rocket science or engineering like my brother.”

Sunny shot him a look.

He laughed, “I know, I know. I’m not half as smart as David. I couldn’t math my way out of a paper bag. I love science… I was just never very good at it .” For a moment his voice took on a rather melancholy quality, but sunny kept him quiet, “A couple years before all that, there was a scientist, the Einstein of our time, and he created this mathematical theory that  determined the folding potential of space. With this theory we could travel the universe without having to worry about the issues of light speed. So they started construction on the first interstellar ship. Of  course I kept a close watch on it’s construction, but then my brother went and told me about the UNSC’s pilot academy, and you better believe I was on that in under five minutes.”

The thought made her smile. She could just imagine his excitement.

There was quiet for a moment, and -- in the background --- sunny thought she could hear the soft trickle of water, perhaps a stream or a creak, or an artificial fountain off in the distance.

She ran her fingers over the grass.

Such a strange plant. 

“Have you ever….. Have you ever been homesick for a place you’ve never been?”

Sunny glanced over to find him looking at her. She shook her head, “I can’t say I have.”

He sighed and turned back to the sky, “Well, I have. During the academy, and the years before that, I would look up, and…. Well I just wanted to go so bad. I can’t describe the feeling. It’s like you're a piece of something broken and all you want to do is return to where you were meant to be. I was missing from space and space was missing from me, and I wanted it so bad that it was like a physical sensation, like anxiety or anger except it…. Well it makes you want to cry or to scream, and it was so frustrating because it just never went away.” 

She looked up trying to imagine the feeling. It was hard to think that Adam could have wanted anything so bad. She had always been to busy with family drama to have wanted anything more. Her desires were so base as acceptance that she could barely imagine such a strange an abstracted feeling….. The feeling of being broken with no explanation.

“I  trained for years to get to space, and Sunny, my first inter-space flight, that moment when you break from atmosphere, and the earth curves back behind you, and the stars unfold before you…. It was.” he shivered, “It was the most exhilarating moment of my life, like coming back home but multiplied by a thousand.” 

She heard him sigh, watched his chest rise and fall from the corner of her eyes, “I know it sounds stupid. Humans honestly weren’t meant to fly, or to be in space. We are terrestrial creatures after all, but….” He shook his head, “Something just felt right, and it still does.”

“And then you found aliens?”

The longing melancholy faded from his voice replaced with a smile, “Sunny, I am probably the luckiest son of a bitch in the entire universe. I flew a jet to the moon, I was on the bridge during the launch of the first interstellar ship, I was on the bridge during the first warp, I was the pilot who flew our first mission to a planet outside the solar system, and I was the first man to ever see extraterrestrial life.”

He paused, “Of course…. After the war….”

He trailed off biting back pain. Sunny felt her stomach twist. She knew what had happened after the war, PTSD , the loss of his leg.

His voice had grown quiet, “It was the worst time of my life. I mean I have had some pretty bad moments, but nothing compares. It was like…. Being betrayed by someone you love. Looking up at the sky made me sick, the thought of flying repulsed me, alien life scared the shit out of me. I was growing to resent the one thing in the world -- or out of this world --- that I loved. I have never felt such despair…. Because life just wasn’t worth it.”

Her stomach continued to tie itself into knots, she felt a tingling rise up in her face and neck.

“I’m so sorry.”

He must have sensed the guilt in her voice turning his head to look at her. He reached out a comforting hand and rested it on her arm smiling, “Don’t worry, it was just a leg.” The smile he gave her was genuine, his words earnest, “Besides, it only took a dog to pull me back around. The relief was insane. I hadn’t looked up for almost a year, and then one day I couldn’t sleep, so I walked outside.” He nodded towards the porch, “I remember I was standing right there, crutches, the dog, and I remember fighting with myself whether I should look up or not, because I knew if I didn’t feel anything than…. Than I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I remember Waffles, She licked my hand and looked at me like she was encouraging me to do it, and when I did, and the feeling came again, I was so damn excited I actually ended up slipping on my crutches and falling off the porch.”

The two of them laughed at that image.

She shook his head still smiling, “You should have seen it, there I was lying in the grass in a heap, the dog was all concerned,and then my mom comes running out of the house freaking the hell out, my dad’s behind her and he’s got the gun, and they see me on the ground, and they are just so confused. And I’m looking up at the sky and they’re looking down at me, and I just start to laugh, and they are looking at me like I’m insane because I probably am. And then you know -- because I’m pathetic -- of course i start to cry like a baby, and then my mom does and then my dad does, and now I’m crying and laughing, and it was so stupid.” 

He shook his head. His hand was warm on her arm.

“Of course, mom wasn’t exactly laughing when I told them I wanted to go back to the UNSC but they agreed and with a little help we managed to get a nice prosthetic, and by that time they were looking for a captain for the harbinger. Once the GA heard that I was still around, they requested me personally.”

“Did you piss yourself with excitement.” She wondered 

He eyed her, “You jest, but I totally almost did. Captain of a mothereffing space ship, Sunny. That was like my dream after a dream, like the impossible dream that you have that you know isn’t going to come true. Of course there was a lot of push back from members of the UNSC because of how young I was, and how inexperienced , but in the end the GA insisted.”

“You lucky bastard.” She muttered 

“Yeah.” he muttered his voice going soft.

He shifted a bit closer resting his head on her arm like a pillow. She glanced down he raised an eyebrow in the half darkness, “What, might as well make you useful while I can.” She shook her head at him and he just grinned before blinking and reaching up to point at another set of stars, “Ursa minor….. And that one over there is Pegasus.” 

Sunny followed his finger, but couldn’t make out more than the greater star field. She did manage to see ursa minor after a few minutes, and then after that, she couldn’t see anything else.

They talked a little more, and laughed about dumb shit.

She liked this pastime.

They didn’t do this sort of thing on Anum 

Mostly because they were too busy killing each other to care.

But here the humans were pointing at the sky and finding pictures in the stars.

Kind of adorable. 

[dontyoudarejudgemesworld]

The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far: Chapter Seven: New Things

Hey y'all I hope your well. So sorry that it's been a minute but as we all know the world is in chaos. I am currently the only one in my house working and trying to support three others who are high risk. Due to that I've been massively stressed out and busy. Still I finally managed to get this together to go up. 

As always you can find it here on AO3

Hope you all enjoy it. Be safe out there and take care of yourselves and others.

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“...and next ladies and gentlemen we have a creature so rare…so illusive that only the truest explorers have seen it. I give you the Cucuk-ig,” Billie said with a flamboyant flourish at a hog with wings carefully attached to its back, “Now I know that it may seem too good to be true but I assure you I personally brought this specimen back from the deepest bowls of the Amazon,” she told the tour she led leaning towards them as though imparting some great secret, “You see most people believe that the phrase ‘when pigs fly’ was coined to refer to something impossible. But it actually comes from the people of the Bulspita region where these creatures live. You see the phrase actually refers to early July when these amazing creatures migrate to their breeding grounds. The natives coined the phrase in reference to their harvest season which aligns with their migration,” she said her voice carrying the tone of a scholar looking around at the rubes a few of which looked skeptical, “Now of course when I heard the locals claims of flying pigs I scoffed but a native man offered to take me to see them. And so we embarked on a four week trek into the deepest groves of the Amazon. It was slow going as we cut through undergrowth so thick….,” she said launching into a story of grand adventure.

Dipper couldn’t help but think she looked like she had walked out of the jungle; heavy tan cargos were slung low on her hips, a black tank top hugged her form under an unzipped grey green cargo vest, and worn heat boots served at the basis for her persona. Fingerless black gloves and a red bandanna tied loosely around her neck sold the Laura Croft vibe along with her heavy black curls spilling in a wild mess about her face and shoulders. He noticed that her southern drawl had changed into a smooth English clip lending to the mysterious adventurer role. Dipper knew that to be roped into Stan's show you had to have a costume and he was kind of jealous of hers, it was a far cry better then gluing dog hair to yourself and dancing for money.

“Man she is really good at this,” Dipper observed from the counter where he leaned next to Wendy, “Like she kinda puts Stan to shame.”

“Oh yeah man,” Wendy said as they watched tourist eat up the black haired woman’s words leaning in as she spoke, "The stuff she shows up with is actually pretty cool, and she comes up with stories that could totally be a comic book. She’s like one of the coolest people I know. I mean I know that she's a total sham like Stan but sometimes I wonder if she really does go off on super cool adventures like some kind of Iowa Jane. Even my Dad thinks she's a bad ass."

"Really?" he said as he watched the for group scramble at shove money at her as she touted only $5 to get their picture taken with the pig. More then a few asked her to pose with them which she did gladly flashing winning smiles and peace signs for the camera. Watching her he couldn't help but think she looked like he though the author would; adventurous, daring, and brave.

"Hey...so I was thinking. You know how Billie has six fingers, " He stared causing Wendy to raise a brow her eyes shooting over to him.

"Yeah dude but she's kinda sky about it so maybe not..., " she offered quickly and he held up his hands shaking his head.

"No, no! Listen, " He said quickly, "The Journal has a six fingered left hand on the front. She has six fingers on her left hand, " He said and she shot up from her slouch on the counter to stare at him.

"Dude! Do you think she's the author!?! " Wendy asked her eyes wide and eager as they shot over to Billie who was now telling the eager crowd about the mermaid Stan had, "She totally could be. I mean she's a PI but who knows what she's actually investigating. It would totally make since."

"Well that's what I thought but Mabel pointed out that the book is super old. So Soos thinks she might be the authors daughter, " He told her bouncing in excitement at the redhead's sudden enthusiasm, "Mabel found out that her Dad grew up with Stan, but he died when she was young. The Journal Author said he hid it because he was in danger. What if her Dad was the Author and she came here looking for answers...for the Journals?" he said his own excitement bubbling up as he shared his theory with his favorite person.

"Whoa..., " she said looking down at him, "We have to ask her! She could be the key to figuring it out! "

"No, I mean not yet, " he said quickly, "I mean what if she's not? I think we should do some investigation first. I mean look at Gideon. He got a hold of one of them and went nuts. And the shape shifter...well you we're there. I think we should be careful here, " he said glancing over at the woman.

"Well, I mean I know Billie and she's pretty cool. She helped Tambry and I out... " Wendy started.

"What’re you two over here conspirin’ ‘bout ? " Billie's voice broke in causing both of them to jump. She seemed to have dropped the fake english accent her heavy drawl replacing it as she eyed both of them a lazy half smile pulling at her lips.

"Nothing! " they said in unison causing Billie's lips to twist in amusement as she cocked a brow. Eyeing them let let out a hum of disbelief.

"Yeah, y’all look as innocent as a fox in the hen house, " she drawled, "I'ma go pick up some burgers at Greasy's y’all want anything?” she asked as she leaned against the counter.

“Heck yeah. Double cheese burger please,” Wendy said with a laugh. With a nod Billie turned her emerald eyes on Dipper who stood staring up at her with red ears.

“What ‘bout you Bud?” she asked cocking a brow and he blushed even deeper as one hand came up to scratch the back of his neck. Just like his Grunkle, and her if she was honest. Must run in the family, she supposed.

“Uhhhh, sure. Thank,” he said as he shook himself slightly looking down to his feet before glancing up at her sheepishly, “Want me to come along to help?” he asked and she blinked in suprise. She seemed to hesitate as he waited anxiously; if he went with her maybe he could ask her some questions. After a minute she rolled a shoulder and gave a nervious smile.

“Sure, an extra pair ah hands never hurts,” she replied after a second and was rewarded with a beaming smile, “Well, get a move on. I aint waitin’ all day,” she said as she spun and headed out to the door to the El Diablo. Dipper looked at Wendy who widened her eyes and looked after Billie.

“Go dude,” she said and he scampered out the door after her. Clamering into the car he quickly pulled the seat belt on an watched as she slid into the front seat and started the car. Pulling out of the drive way she headed towards town. Glancing in the rear view mirror at the kid in the back seat. He was fidgeting as he stared at her from under the brim of his hat. A heavy silence filled the car as both of them seemed to think of something to say. After a few tense moments Billie cleared her throat.

“So…Stan says you like weird stuff,” she said breaking the silence and he let out a nervous laugh.

“Yeah,” he said looking up at her in the rear view mirror, “The stuff around here is crazy. You said you’ve seen the gnomes, right? On our first day they decided to kidnap Mabel and make her their queen. When she said no they tried to kidnap her. Did you know that they can stack themselves into a giant mecha gnome?” he asked and she rolled her eyes and left out a huff of laughter.

“No, I didn’t,” she told him, “I know they’re nasty little varmints that’ll try an steal anything not nailed down. I like the ‘lil campfires that scuttle ‘round the woods, though,” she told him and his ears perked up.

“I haven’t seen those,” he said eagerly, “Do you think you could show me one. I’d like to add it to the jor…letters I’m writing home,” he caught himself his voice cracking. She cocked a brow at his stumble over his words but decided to leave it be.

“Sure, there’s one that seems ta hang out in the woods behind the Shack. I give it marshmallows every time I come visit so he’ll usually show up if I shake a bag an’ whistle,” she told him, “You’ll ‘ave ta show me some o’ the weird stuff you’ve found. We just wont tell Stan since he likes ta pretend that ‘weird’ ain’t a thing,” she said and he let out an uncomfortable laugh.

“Yeah, it took me raising a hoard of zombies to get him to admit it,” he said causing Billie’s eyes to fly open wide and her head to jerk back to look at him.

“What?!” she said before remembering that she was driving, “That’s…alarmin’ on a few levels kid,” she told him and he turned red as he scrunched down to hide in his vest causing her to wince, “I mean zombies being real and all,” she said quickly even though she had to wonder how the hell he had managed to raise the dead.

“Oh yeah, but you can cure the it with paint thinner and cinnamon,” he said and she had to bite her cheeks not to say anything, “We fixed Soos up after and he’s fine,” he added as she pulled up to Greasy’s. Turning around she handed Dipper a hand full of bills.

“I called Susan already. Go grab the food,” she told him, “And try not to summon any zombies on your way,” she told him and he grinned as he nodded hopping out. Watching him go she shook her head, she was going to have to ask Stan about the zombie thing. And figure out how in the hell he knew how to summon zombies, that didn’t seem safe for a 12 year old to be doing as a past time. Great more homework. Maybe she should just do full investigations on the whole damned family and save herself some time.

~*~

Billie sat on Wendy’s hide out one leg dangling over the edge head resting in her hand as she stared at her lap top. She was reading Filbrick Pine’s service record. And man was it a read, apparently Grandpa was a bad ass who’d served honorably kicking some serious Nazi ass in WW2. While she had Stanley’s life pretty well plotted out from 18 and beyond, that didn’t help her figure out why his whole family had erased him. To understand that she needed to understand her family, which meant learning the in and outs of it. And what she was finding was slowly paint a picture of dysfunction that made her feel slightly less out of place.

Idly she pushed the thick glasses up her nose. It was late and she had changed into her basket ball shorts and t-shirt after the kids had gone to bed, and her contacts had been bugging her. Normally she hated wearing the stupid coke bottle lenses but she was blind as a bat without them. Sticking her pen between her lips she chewed on it lightly in between jotting down notes in the book beside her. So far she had pieced together that Filbrick had served front lines for most of the war, and done it stoically. He’d been one of the first ones on sight of three concentration camp liberalizations, and his psych eval.s suggested that he had repressed most of the trauma from such service. Though he met much of the criteria for PTSD as laid down by the APA.

Depending on the severity of it he would have…her eyes snapped open as she jerked up. She’d been dozing, it was late and a day spent hustling for Stan was more tiring then one might think. Sighing she set the laptop aside and brought the cigarette in her fingers to her lips taking a long drag  the cherry flaring to illuminate the bright blue paper of the barrel of it. Cracking her neck she looked out over the yard and out into the trees. A heavy mist had descended around them obscuring the shapes below; changing them into shifting twisting shadows. The horrors of her subconscious just waiting to rise up and consume her if she let them. Good thing Lucid dreaming was a thing; if it wasn’t she’d probably be a full blown alcoholic instead of just a functioning one.

“Well, well, well, you’re new,” came a voice from behind her that sent shivers down her spine. It was soft yet reverberated around her and one that she didn’t recognize. She knew her demons and this wasn’t one of the. Taking another drag she held the cigarette up and cocked her head watching the smoke curling up and away into the stars that spiraled lazily above them.

“So are you,” she said after a moment with out turning. A chilling laugh came from behind her as the demon moved circling her. She didn’t look up to follow it’s progress but she saw it; a yellow pyramid with a giant eye. The dapper little bow tie and top hat added a touch that was both sinister and comical.

“Hmmmm, you don’t fit,” he said as he stopped in front of her, “A real Wild Card. Nice hand, I love freaks,” he laughed and she finally looked up at him cocking a brow he lips twisting in boredom.

“Huh, guess I’m running out of imagination. I’d think my subconscious would be able to come up with new material,” she sighed rolling her eyes, “So what are you? New form of self loathing? Manifestation of trauma? Representation of budding Body Dysmorphic Disorder?  she asked and he laughed as he looked down at the mist and the figures that swarmed there.

“As delightful as that stew of crazy is I’m not part of it,” he laughed floating lazily around her, “No, I’m something so much more,” he assured her stopping hover over the pages of her notebook and looking down at them, “Looking for Pine Family secrets, huh? I could help you know,” he laughed as he raised his hand and the pages exploded to float around them, “I know things, lots of things,” he added his voice distorting to a deeper growl as his body began flashing a million images at once, some she recognized and a lot more she didn’t, “I could help you you know. Infinite knowledge and all it takes is a hand shake,” he said his hand bursting into blue flames as he offered it to her. She stared at him her face expressionless except for a single brow twitching as the pages swirled around them each displaying a picture of her family moving in mute memories.

“Okay enough of that,” she said snapping her fingers the pages returning to a normal notebook causing Bill’s eye to widen slightly as she looked up at him a vicious kind of smile pulling at her lips, “Look here Bill. This is my dream. I don’t know what you are but I don’t make deals without knowing the stakes. So whatever you are you can leave. My whole job is finding out secrets and I don’t need no help. So crawl back under what ever walk you came from. I’m waking up now,” she told him snapping her fingers again.

Billie jerked awake finding the stars over her fixed in their proper places. Shaking herself she sat up and looked down at her notebook the pages fluttering in the light summer breeze of the night. There in the corner of the page was a simple doodle of a triangle with a top hat.

“Well that’s new,” she said looking down at the lines.

[a-mad-scientist-approaches]

You’re Safe

Maybel 2018, Week 2: Comfort. Another Werewolf AU :)

Mabel goes downstairs to fetch a glass of water. Stan loses track of how late it is. The full moon rises.

@siriuslyart your adorable Werewolf!Stan inspired me!

Part 1    Part 3    Part 4

AO3

With the kids over it was becoming more important than ever to make sure he was contained in the basement well before the full moon rose. Stan was fairly good at making up excuses for why he supposedly went to bed early sometimes (these old man powers were good for something after all), and so far Dipper and Mabel had bought them all. They always seemed a bit distracted whenever he brought it up anyway, seeming to have plans to occupy themselves already. That suited him fine. As long as they were safe upstairs, it didn’t matter what was happening.

The most Stan could remember in the mornings were vague, dream-like sensations. One thing he was certain of was that it was never good. The occasional wreckage, vicious claw marks, and chunks taken out of machinery – along with feelings of anger and fear that persisted throughout the day afterwards – were enough of a testament to that. He didn’t know if it was miraculous or intentional that the wolf hadn’t actually done any major damage to the portal yet. Just how tough were those claws?

He woke up sweating sometimes at the thought of what could happen if the kids ever discovered him like that.

Which was why he was currently cursing himself stupid for not realising what the time was.

It had dawned on him slowly that it was pretty dark.

Like the hand of a clock, more thoughts struck him, one after the other.

The kids had gone up to bed quite a while ago.

Last month it’d been the first time with the kids in the house, and he’d gone down to the basement early out of paranoia. Something had happened between then and now.

He’d relaxed.

And now he was lucky that the full moon wasn’t already up.

Fuck didn’t come close to describing the situation.

That Ducktective show was unreasonably addictive! He should have been locking the basement down ten minutes ago, with him inside! Why had he agreed to taking the kids? What had possessed him to do that? God, this was exactly the kind of stupid, impulsive thing he always did that ended up worse than he would have thought possible. If he transformed up here he’d wake up to fucking bloodstai-

He clamped down on that thought before he could finish it. If he didn’t, he might be sick.

Stan shot out of the armchair, propelling himself straight over the side, feet making a thump when they hit the floor that he hoped Dipper and Mabel wouldn’t hear. It was going to be fine, he had time, right? The vending machine wasn’t that far away, and moonrise couldn’t be that soon, right?

He left the shag carpet behind faster than he’d moved in decades.

Besides, the kids were already upstairs. Who was to say what the wolf knew? Even if he did transform up here, it wasn’t like the wolf could, what, use some super-senses to sniff them out.

Shit.

That’s exactly what werewolves did.

But it wasn’t a problem, because the gift shop door was less than three feet away and he had time.

“Grunkle Stan?”

ShitshitSHIT.

He froze, his hand clutching the door handle to the gift-shop entrance.

Just be normal, you have time, just get her to bed quickly.

“Yeah, sweetie? You okay?” He turned to look at Mabel, who was peeking around the living room entrance.

“Yep. Just getting Dipper some water.” To his horror, she came through and walked unconcernedly towards him.

“In a bowl?” He couldn’t help but notice, despite the situation.

“Um.” Mabel stiffened slightly and looked shiftily down at the crockery in her hands. “Yes. So . . . Waddles can have it when he’s done!” She looked up with a bright grin, then changed the subject quickly. “I just heard a thump and wondered if you were okay.”

“Uh, yep, yeah, just fine. No need to worry, all good here.” Holy fuck, Mabel was standing right in front of him. He tried his best to look like he wasn’t trying to push himself backwards through the wood of the door.

Then he ran out of time.

He didn’t need to see the soft light shining through the nearest window to know that the moon had risen.

Mabel said something about heading back upstairs. Yes, she should definitely do that. Stan would have been relieved but –

He felt growing pains hit every bone in his body, and his skin started to itch like crazy as hairs grew uncontrollably. A wave of dizziness and disorientation washed over him as his nose picked up smells he hadn’t even known existed, and his eyesight started to dim. It was getting harder to think clearly, but nevertheless terrified denials and furious self-punishing thoughts spiralled around his head like a hurricane.

“Grunkle Stan? Are you okay?”

As he doubled over he felt Mabel’s small, cool hand on his arm. He clenched his jaw in a desperate effort to stop what would happen next. It didn’t matter.

“Your teeth are kind of . . . big,”

All the better to eat you with, hysterically swam through his mind as parts of it shut down and others reawakened.

Before his human consciousness faded completely, he shoved the girl away.

Mabel hit the floor with a grunt.

“Stan!” she said in disbelief, more hurt by the action than the scrapes left by the wooden floor. She managed to keep the bowl from smashing, but all the water splashed out – beside her, luckily.

She got to her knees, feeling more and more worried by the moment. Stan would never have done that, not unless he was trying to save her from something more dang-

His teeth really were big. She could see them growing! They were getting pointier too, just like Dipper’s did when he –

When he Changed.

Oh.

My.

Gosh.

This was . . .

. . . so . . .

. . . cool!

Dipper was going to be so happy when he found out! He had someone like him! And it was Stan!

Her uncle was looking distinctly more wolf-shaped than human now. She winced as she saw a couple joints dislocate and relocate in new locations, saw bones elongate steadily but immensely, saw muscles grow and his body contort in a way that would be extremely painful if his brain wasn’t doing the same thing in a chemical manner, shutting off most of the sensations.

(Dipper had explained all his theories to her.)

He was writhing uncomfortably on his side now. Her heart hurt for him, but she knew it would be over soon, and then he would be fine. The clothes probably weren’t helping his situation. Mabel crawled over and did her best to untangle him, ripping where she had to. Stan’s fur sprouted under her hands – grey, but still thick and soft like Dipper’s. She couldn’t wait to hug him! She’d finally get to see how big a fully-grown werewolf was!

After a minute, it was over. His movements lessened as he recovered.

Stan slowly got his paws under him.

He rose up. And kept rising.

“Whoa.” she breathed, craning her neck. “Big fluff pup.”

She’d never seen a bear, but she imagined Stan wouldn’t be a lot smaller than one. He was far larger than any of the dogs she’d seen.

She watched from her position curled by his side as Stan looked around the room. He breathed deeper than Dipper did, and he didn’t seem as excitable, either. She supposed that was to be expected though: Dipper was only a puppy, and closer to the size of a normal dog.

Eventually, he seemed to notice the small weight pressing into his hind leg. He looked down at her.

Mabel gave a little wave.

Stan was very still. He remained very still – so much so that he stopped breathing – as Mabel moved so she was face-to-face with him. Well, close enough, seeing as his snout was over a foot above her even when she stood up. His head slowly pivoted to follow her, unblinking.

“Hey Stan,” she said, unsure why she felt compelled to keep quiet.

She reached out to pet his chest. There was a low rumble coming from it. She bet it would feel really funny.

The rumble grew as her hand neared it. Closer and closer, louder and louder. Mabel’s smile faded a little.

When she was a few inches away, Stan growled. Her smile dropped completely.

“Stan . . . ?”

Stan bared his teeth and growled again, louder, a near-bark snapping out at the end of the sound. Mabel flinched away, gasping a little. The growl didn’t stop.

Stan put one paw forward, then another. What was he doing? What was happening? Dipper never did this. He looked like he was . . . there was no other word for it. He was stalking towards her. The look in his eyes wasn’t familiar either.

Or . . .

Well, it was. Just not coming from her uncle. She usually saw it on wild animals in the forest, just before they tried to kill her.

She was backing away before she realised, mind racing. What could she do? Stan wouldn’t really hurt her, would he? It was Stan!

But was it?

That was never a question she had asked with Dipper, but this was crazy! He didn’t recognise her at all! Human emotions looked so, so wrong on this very not human creature. She could see anger and suspicion, intensely warring and winning over some other emotion that she couldn’t discern, didn’t have time to discern, she had to do something, had to do something now!

The wolf came persistently towards her, snarling. Mabel stepped onto the carpet, pulse thundering in her ears. Stan’s eyes were fixed on her, coming more into focus with every passing second. They alighted on her –

“Jugular,” she whispered. It was one of Dipper's clearer memories from his first time transforming. The jugular was a target.

Her hands were shaking now, adrenaline pumping through her system. She so desperately wanted to run, the feeling was so intense it was like ice water had been poured into her veins, but she had a feeling that the only reason Stan hadn’t pounced yet was because she wasn’t making any sudden moves.

He barked, loudly. It might as well have been a gunshot, the way it went through her. She jumped violently, and tears sprung to her eyes. She needed a weapon, something, anything that was close –

To do what? Attack her uncle? She couldn’t. There was no way she could do that, not even if there was no other choice –

No other choice? Since when? This was still Stan, even if he didn’t quite know it.

She knew that when she looked at him. Really looked.

His eyes were the same brown as always. The same brown as Dipper’s. The same as hers.

She stopped backing away and stood determinedly in place.

Stan did as well, growl pausing for a second, cocking his head slightly in confusion. He was a werewolf. Adversaries were supposed to be afraid of him, after all.

Mabel could have smacked herself. Duh! Stan hadn’t met her before! At least, not like this. No wonder he didn’t really know who she was, she was all . . . new to him. She appeared different, because now he was different. He thought she was a threat, an intruder or something. And her uncle wasn’t really the most approachable person to begin with. Once she thought about it, this wasn’t surprising at all. Dipper had been the same, albeit on a much less threatening level, but when it came right down to it, he hadn’t hurt her. So neither would Stan. She knew it.

“It’s okay Grunkle Stan, it’s just me,” she said, making sure to keep her voice gentle and soothing. He hadn’t moved forwards again, so that was a good sign.

“It’s Mabel. You remember? We were just talking. I’m Mabel.” She lowered herself back to the floor, kneeling and slowly extending one hand. It wasn’t shaking any more.

“Me an’ Dipper are living with you.” She patiently explained. “We’re not gonna hurt you.”

Stan stopped growling, examining her intently. She felt like cheering but managed to keep from dancing around. She’d save that for later.

“It’s okay . . . you’re safe,”

He padded cautiously forwards again, bending to smell her hand.

“You’re safe,”

After a moment, he nuzzled it. A broad grin burst onto Mabel’s face.

“Hi Stan,”

There was recognition in his eyes. Stan’s teeth were hardly bared anymore, but the little glimpse she still had of them vanished abruptly. He bent his head so she could pat him, not completely relaxed, but far less hostile than he had been moments ago.

Mabel giggled as she dug her hand into his soft fur. He was so fluffy! He butted her encouragingly, his head making contact with almost her entire upper body. He was being very careful, making sure not to do anything that might scare her again.

“Aw poor guy. You haven’t seen anyone in a while, have you?” She asked sadly. “It’s okay. You’re not alone anymore.”

Suddenly, Stan’s ears perked up, his head following moments later, gaze trained on the stairs. A second later, Mabel’s own ears picked up the noises he was hearing.

Thudthudthudthudthud –

Another eruption of barking, even more hostile than Stan’s had been. This was much younger –

Mabel’s eyes widened and she tried to call out but –

A dark blur flashed past, clearing the banister easily and leaping into the room. Dipper barrelled roughly into Mabel, knocking her aside with unexpected strength as he snarled and snapped at the other wolf, who was surprised into being driven back a step.

Stan quickly recovered and growled right back, starting forwards again. Dipper sprang in front of Mabel, refusing to let him any closer, snarling even more furiously, legs spread wide and body lowered to leap, not even letting up when his sister wrapped an arm around him to tug him back, frantically telling him to calm down.

“No, stop! It’s okay!”

Instead he shook her off, resuming his warnings, seemingly not realising how small he was in comparison to the other werewolf. He must have wondered why she was taking so long and come downstairs to check on her.

The bark Stan released this time was more of a boom. Dipper’s ears flattened for a single instant, but other than that, he gave no sign of backing off.

Mabel couldn’t say what was scariest about this situation: Dipper, Stan, the fact that they were on the verge of attacking each other, or the fact that she was caught in the middle. She was starting to cry again.

“Dipper!” she yelled, and –

Stan paused.

He looked between them both, taking in the boy’s protectiveness and the girl’s distress.

Taking in the closeness and familiarity they had with each other, despite their different shapes.

And made the connection.

Mabel saw the change immediately. His stance untensed entirely for the first time, his hackles lowering, his snarl cut off. He looked shocked, but also . . . well, soft wasn’t really a word she would often apply to Stan, but in this case, yes. There was a soft look in his eyes. Dipper saw the change too.

After some deliberation, Stan bypassed her brother easily by nudging his side strongly enough to knock him off balance, then by picking him up by the scruff of the neck. Dipper whined. Mabel was sure he would be saying something about that being unfair if he was human.

Stan moved over to the carpet in front of his armchair and deposited Dipper on it, giving him a familiar head-butt. Unsure at first, Dipper peered at Stan mistrustfully. Mabel waited with bated breath. More gently, Stan nosed him again. And that seemed to do it.

Dipper got the message that Stan wasn’t going to hurt anyone, and hesitantly returned the action. Stan gave him a lick, which the boy seemed pretty happy about, showing his tongue and even staying put while the large animal turned around to fetch Mabel, who was sighing with relief. He nudged at her insistently until she understood, virtually chasing her to the space in front of the armchair. She sat down giggling and watched as Stan circled, then lay down around them, pressing close as though touch-starved.

He probably is, thought Mabel. She wondered how long Stan had been shutting himself up for. That was one of the many questions she would be asking him tomorrow.

Stan was pretty comfortable to lie on, Mabel decided. She was more than happy to do so, and snuggled in next to Dipper, half-hugging him. It was like she was encased in a fluffy bundle from all sides.

Dipper . . .

“You okay?” she asked her brother quietly. She’d never seen him so aggressive before. It was worrying, how readily he’d leapt into action. Plus, this whole . . . reveal might have kind of shocked him. Was he okay after that?

He was already asleep.

They’d deal with it in the morning, apparently.

The sheer range of emotions that had flooded through her that night was making it pretty easy to drop off. She felt her heartrate slowing back down to normal, assisted by Stan’s deep, rhythmic breathing against her back.

Still, something far, far in the depths of her mind urged her not to sleep. There was a threat nearby.

She immediately felt awful.

Not just because of the thought itself, but because it might have been what Stan was thinking earlier. No doubt he was feeling ten times worse than her, now.

Steady movements brought her out of an impending spiral of dark thoughts. A large head bent down and pressed gently against hers. Everything’s alright. Mabel smiled, believing it.

Stan nudged her again before she could drift off. He found the elbow she had skinned when he’d pushed her over before his transformation and sniffed it.

“It’s alright.” Mabel whispered to her uncle, hugging him. “You didn’t mean to.”

Stan huffed discontentedly and curled tighter around the kids, reassuring them as best he could.

You’re safe.

She was asleep within seconds.

[andrewmoocow]

Fooly Falls chapter 5: Don’t Lose Your Way (originally posted on August 21, 2017)

“Ah, another fine day in this dirty riff-raff town.” Preston Northwest said to himself as he overlooked Gravity Falls from his office window. “Perhaps I should've started out somewhere nice like Colorado.” he added before he heard the door open. “Mr. Northwest, sir!” an employee exclaimed as he rushed in.

“We seem to have obtained security footage from our Medical Mechanica factory last night!” he explained, which caught Preston's eye. He turned around in his chair to face his employee, only to find himself spinning in it. “Oh not again, can someone stop this chair?” the billionaire groaned before his butler grabbed hold of the back. “Thank you Phineas.” he thanked getting up.

“Alright Lawrence, show me the footage.” Lawrence turned on a screen to show footage of a group of individuals standing atop the factory. “Last night, two children accompanied by a pair of senior citizens, a Medical Machine and a girl with a Vespa bike have trespassed on factory grounds during the D.I.I's Satellite Geo-Saki's collision course with this town. Much later on, the footage started giving out as three more people appeared before it cut to static.”

“Wait a minute, rewind and zoom in on the one with the guitar.” Preston ordered as Lawrence did just that, focusing on a boy that was all too familiar to the philanthropist. “Oh goody,” he grimaced. “you.”

Dipper, Mabel and Ford were sitting down in the living room watching an episode of Ducktective. “I don't get it, what's the appeal of this series?” Ford wondered as the show's title character and his partner the constable solved another case. “The creator was inspired by his childhood where he and his pet duck would solve mysteries together.” Mabel replied. “Yeah, and he also made this with the whole family in mind.” Dipper added. “Silly jokes & fun adventure for the kids and some witty humor for the parents.”

Just then, they heard Haruko yowling as Stan came crashing down from the ceiling. “Hey, what's going on here?!” Dipper shouted to Haruko before turning to his grunkle, who was wearing a red jacket for some reason. “Aw come on babe, play nice now.” Stan muttered woozily, still reeling from the fall.

“NOT IN A HUNDRED THOUSAND YEARS WILL EVER GET ANYTHING FROM ME EXCEPT TONS OF BULLETS TO THE FACE YOU OLD COOT!” Haruko screamed as she fired at Stan with a rifle. “Hey, calm down there!” he exclaimed in reply.

“What's with the red jacket Grunkle Stan?” Dipper wondered. “Oh, I got it from another one of Soos' anime. I think it's called The Wolf, about a cool thief with a love for the ladies.” Stan explained as we then cut to Canti washing dishes. “This was the jacket he started out with and a favorite of the original author Simian Slam. What, do you prefer the green one from Palace of Shamballa?”

“Okay, I'm going up there to give her what's what.” Dipper sternly proclaimed before marching up the stairs and opening the door to their attic room only to lay his eyes upon Haruko wearing nothing but a pink bath towel and shaking Gompers the goat in her arms.

“What, are you saying I have personal feelings for that kid?” she asked the goat, who bleated in reply. “I don't think so! The reason this mission has been delayed because the channel to N.O isn't open!” As she continued speaking to Gompers, Dipper watched in shock as she waved her butt in his face. “It's not about liking or disliking! Damn, the connection's dead.”

When she tossed Gompers to the ground, she turned towards Dipper smiling. “Oh my, were you listening?” she asked him. “Can you please put on some clothes? Puberty is pretty crazy you know.” the boy replied shielding his eyes.

“How's this?!” the Vespa woman exclaimed now dressed like Elvis Presley, complete with large pompadour while a chalkboard appeared behind her. “I meant normal clothes. And where did you get that board?” he said. “HARUKO'S MASTER THE GUITAR IN ONE MILLISECOND CLASS, YEAH! SIGN UP NOW!” she hollered.

“I think this is the part where I lose my mind.” Dipper said turning to the readers before he got fired at by Haruko with her rifle. “Grab a guitar and you can be a pop idol!” Haruko shouted some more. “Chicks dig it dude, pyon!”

“Pyon?” her younger friend questioned. “Like Filter, or Slash!” she continued on as her pompadour and her head got bigger. “Like Red Hot Chilli Peppers or Rage against the Machine or Richard Gene!” she screamed as her head became as big as the attic could take it. “Wait a minute, Richard Gene isn't a-” Dipper began before getting shot at again.

“You have to learn to say it like a cool rock dude pyon! Guys like Jimi Hendrix all started out like this!” she explained loudly before spinning her bass like a helicopter blade and hovering in the air. “Haruko wait! What's going on?!” Dipper exclaimed before getting shoved into his bed with Haruko on top of him, now back in her bath towel.

“You know it's dangerous to wave that thing around like that.” he stated blushing. “Use your guitar again Takkun, just one more time.” she purred. “Speaking of which, that was fantastic last night.”

“Not interested right now, now can let me go already?” Dipper responded. “I should teach you how to be a man Takkun.” Haruko giggled. “Yeah, like you know how!” he snapped back before he was shoved into her face by his horn until they locked lips, and conveniently enough Mabel & Stan walked in on them.

“Aha, I knew it all along!” Mabel cheered as she started taking pictures. “Wendy owes me big time!” The old trickster on the other hand was completely stunned as his face went red, then blue and every other color of the rainbow.

“Oh Takkun, that's more like it!” Haruko said. “No, this isn't what it looks like! It was my horn!” Dipper tried to make something up. “First kiss, good one!” she replied. “Liar, our first “kiss” was technically the first time we met when you gave me CPR!” he snapped back before Stan let out a mighty roar. “I can't believe it Takkun, you've been havin' sexy times with a hot chick and didn't bother to tell me!” he exclaimed. “And what's worse, that's my partner you were smooching!”

“Like I said, it was my horn!” Dipper tried to defend himself before getting shot at by his great uncle. “That's it kid, you're grounded.” Stan finally said whipping out a pistol. “And by grounded, I mean I'm putting you six feet under! We shall have a duel to the finish, winner gets Haruko's love and a box of Mrs. Pell's Fishsticks.” he announced.

“I'm for it!” Haruko interjected raising her hand. “You know what, forget the duel! My weapon's yours Haruko!” he exclaimed leaping out of his clothes before getting slammed into the wall by a boxing glove that came out of nowhere.

Later that day outside the Mystery Shack, the duel between great-nephew and great-uncle was about to begin. On one side were the twins & Haruko while the other side was Stan, Canti and Soos. “What's the matter kid, too chicken as usual?” Stan, dressed as some sort of heavy weapons guy, boldly proclaimed. “C'mon, show yourself and fight me like a true man!”

As Dipper was hiding in the tall grass, Haruko snuck up on him and tangled around him like a snake much to his displeasure. “What are you doing Haruko!” he exclaimed. “Aw come on bro-bro, Team HaruDip has to get along so that we can win.” Mabel said. “I even made team sweaters for everyone!”

She was currently wearing a yellow sweater with the P symbol from Haruko's Vespa and a blue pine tree on it. “This is no time for sweaters Mabel, one of us might be killed by our own uncle out here!” he replied.

“Are you sure about this Mr. Pines?” Soos stuttered as he tugged on the dogtags and red T-shirt he was now wearing. “I mean, it's perfectly normal for a little boy to have the hots for an older girl. Like when Dipper had that crush on Wendy.” he explained. “Not right now Soos, it's the principle of the thing!” his boss replied. “Oh Takkun, save me!” Haruko moaned from afar as she continued smothering Dipper. “Now's your chance Soos, fire!”

“I'm so sorry dudes!” Soos winced before he fired at the opposing team. “You better not be eating those fishsticks Ford, they're for the winner!” Stan called to his brother sitting on the porch, who already ate one. “Uh, they're all here Stanley!” Ford replied trying to hide the fishstick he ate before taking notice of a small car near the shack which a woman rose out of. “Can I help you miss?”

“Target sighted commander! It's blue, I repeat blue!” she spoke into a cellphone as she picked up an anti-tank rifle and aimed it at Canti. “Are you sure it isn't red Kitsurubami?” a voice on the other end asked, which happened to be Commander Amarao at a hair salon.  “So the blue is confirmed then? I already have the unofficial consent of both Medical Mechanica and this town's resident billionaire Preston Northwest so we'll take care of it here so they can't interfere.”

As he put down the phone, everything turned into something out of an adult cartoon from 1997. “I have work to do so let's make it quick!” he said. “Okay, but I wanted to look cool, you know what I mean, in a manly charming grown-up kind of way!” He picked up the phone again to contact Kitsurubami. “If we screw up here, Medical Mechanica will be all over us! Just forget Raharu, she'll just complicate everything! Just take care of yourself til I get there.”

“You know, more mature-looking, something a woman that I haven't seen in a long time would think 'This guy really is a hero but also nurturing and supportive', something like that. That's what I'm looking for.” he turned back to his hairdresser before taking notice of a boy in a chair next to him receiving some candy. “Oh, don't I get one of those candies? I prefer the super sweet ones, the sweetest ones if you know what I mean.”

Dipper was charging into battle with his twin pistols before firing at and pouncing on what seemed to be his grunkle before he learned it was one of many traps set by him. “Y'know for a smart kid, you're easy to fool!” Stan boasted from afar as the boy continued falling into his traps.

“They seem to be playing some kind of game. Looks really stupid, I'm sure I can handle this myself. ” Amarao's right-hand woman continued analyzing the scene as she peered through the scope of her firearm. “Hm, who's the girl he hasn't seen in so long?”

“What are you two doing just laying around, you should be helping me!” Dipper complained as he landed back into Mabel and Haruko's hiding spot. “My guitar isn't plugged in.” Haruko replied pulling out her Rickenbacker. “Don't ask bro-bro, even I don't know why she brought it along.” Mabel added.

“Are you crazy, this is a game of life and death!” he snapped back at the girls. “And squeegee, and bungee, and grungy! Oh, we're in trouble kid.” Haruko said. “Well, can you at least give me some backup Mabel?” Dipper asked his sister. “Anything for you Dipps!” Mabel cheerfully answered. “Good kid, now go out there and prove that you love me!” Haruko exclaimed kicking the twins out.

When they got up, Dipper charged at Canti with a bloodthirsty look on his face while Mabel jumped in the air with her bazooka. “Check it out Dipper, I can rocket jump!” she exclaimed before crashing down into the ground. “Oh no, Mabel down! Mabel down!” But her brother didn't seem to notice as he and the Medical Machine went all out against each other before Canti started getting fired at itself from an unknown assailant, which was Kitsurubami.

“Blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, cobalt blue!” she exclaimed with each shot from her anti-tank rifle. “It's seven of nine, he's a sign!” When she got his head in her sights, she fired again. “CYBORG!!!” she screamed taking one last shot. “Cyborg my butt!” Haruko shouted back batting the bullet away from her as Dipper continued fighting Canti.

“Actually, confusing cyborgs with robots is a common misconception.” Ford stated. “But there are a few cyborgs who are mostly machine, like this policewoman I've met who's only organic part was her brain and strangely looked a bit like Scarlet Johansson-” He was interrupted when the bullet flung back at Kitsurubami's car, blowing it up and tossing her into the fray.

“Take this squirt!” Stan cried charging towards his great-nephew before being knocked over by the government agent and sent tumbling around. “Soos, Canti, you're on your own for now!” Dipper however saw this as an opportunity to land the killing blow. “Alright, one more shot and I win!” he proclaimed as he prepared to pounce on the machine before being interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Hi Dipper!” It was Pacifica, who had come by for some reason. “Oh no Paz, get out of here!” Dipper exclaimed jumping in front of her as Canti fired one last bullet at his torso, knocking him out. “Oh no dude, you alright?” Soos cried rushing to the boy's side. “I'm fine Soos, I just don't know how I could survive that.”

“And by the way Canti, I get three time-outs!” he turned to Canti, who blankly stared at him in reply. “Don't give me that look!” Dipper exclaimed much to the heiress's confusion. “Are you okay there Dipper?” she asked. “Oh, it's just that my great uncle wants to kill me because he thought I got 'busy' with his new friend.” he answered. “So what are you doing here anyway?” he wondered.

“Oh yeah, my dad sent me out here to tell you that he's kinda ticked off about you trespassing on his Medical Mechanica factory.” Pacifica said. “Speaking of which, is this Medical Machine like, your servant or something?” she asked. “Yeah pretty much. Hey Canti, can you go to the grocery store?” The machine did as it was told as it soared off into the sky. “And remember to get the candy Mabel likes!” Dipper called.

“So what was that about your father?” he asked turning to Pacifica. “Like I said, he got pretty mad about you and your family stepping on his territory when that big satellite nearly killed us all last night.” she stated. “And I saved us!” Dipper responded fiercely.

“Wait, you did what?” his rich blonde friend stuttered. “Yeah he did, he was all bang-slam-kerpow!” Mabel exclaimed getting back up with only a few scrapes on her. “With a Gibson?!” Pacifica continued, still utterly stunned. “It's true!” Haruko replied dancing into view and glomping Dipper, while Mabel chanted “Smooch, smooch, smooch!” several times.

“And I thought that lumberjack ghost was freaky.” Pacifica said to herself before discovering Ford sitting on the porch. “Hey, is that supposed to be your great uncle? He looks so different from when I last saw him.” she wondered. “Oh yeah, that is out great uncle, but he's not really Stan.” Dipper replied. “Yeah, Grunkle Stan had this weird portal behind the vending machine in the gift shop that he used to bring his brother back from some parallel universe or something crazy like that.” Mabel added.

“He-hey Sixer!” Haruko called to the polydactyl professor while pulling at Dipper's face before he started to feel faint.

“So this Haruko woman just decided to stay at your place after nearly killing Dipper?” Pacifica asked Mabel as they walked through the woods. “Pretty much, fate is crazy that way.” the sweater girl replied. “Plus ever since then, all kinds of crazy robots started popping out of this weird horn on his forehead like Canti for example. Plus Haruko really hit it off with Stan, even coming with him on a revenge trip.”

“And Dipper was stuck into some weird shootout after your great-uncle caught him making out with that Haruko?” the blonde added blushing. “Why would you ask that?” Mabel wondered for a bit before going silent and putting a coy expression on her face. “You like Dipper, don't you P?” she said. “What, no I don't!” Pacifica claimed blushing harder. “I just think he's a nice guy, okay?”

“So that was Preston's girl, huh?” Ford wondered with his mouth full of fishsticks. “Yeah, it turns out she doesn't have the best parents and she saved my life during Northwest Fest. How she's doing now I don't want to know.” Dipper replied.

“And are you sure you have a crush on her?” the old-aged genius added, much to his younger counterpart's embarrassment. “Okay maybe I kind of do, but I'm afraid to confess my feelings to her because I'm terrible with girls.” he admitted. “I can definitely relate Dipper. One time when I was your age, I held hands with a girl who suddenly freaked out and ran away because of my six fingers.”

“And then there's Haruko.” Dipper continued. “She was initially a complete annoyance to me but as time went on, I'm starting to like her more. Maybe it's because of all the crazy adventures we went on because of her.” Ford then came to a conclusion. “Maybe it's because she has connections to Canti.” he said. “Maybe it seems that this town's weirdness has brought her here and all the robots with her. “

“Y'know speaking of weirdness, where did Grunkle Stan go anyway?” the boy wondered before his other great uncle pulled a pistol on him. “Whoa whoa whoa, I thought you were better than this!” Dipper exclaimed. “Don't fret kid, Stan left behind one of his ten guns and I want to see how durable your head is with that horn.”

Meanwhile somewhere near the Shack in the forest, a battle-damaged Kitsurubami was retching up dirt and grime from her tussle with Stan as she contacted her superior. “I'm on the ground. The attack was a failure, some old man got me distracted and I lost the target.” she spoke into the phone as Stan got up and walked away. “

That little tumble was fun and all babe, but I gotta go find Haruko.” the con-artist said. “It's a horrific entity that flies around like it hasn't heard of gravity.” Unbeknownst to her, Canti happened to float near her until she turned around and screamed.

Meanwhile back at the salon, Amarao was still on the phone as Kitsurubami started making random noises. “Kitsurubami, Kitsurubami! Are you alright?” he exclaimed into the phone before he got hit with a splash of water. “Now hold still sir, we're gonna do the hair color next.” his dyer stated as she started rubbing his red hair. “Now who do you want it, auburn, chestnust or maybe even, fooly cooly color?”

“Fooly.......cooly........” It took Amarao a while to realize it, but he recognized that voice from anywhere and the two pulled weapons on one another, with the woman revealing herself to be Haruko.

“What's with the eyebrows loverboy? An attempt at bushy masculine charm?!” she exclaimed pointing a razor at his neck. “Chicks dig the clean-cut look, that what you were thinking?!” Amarao wasn't having it as he pointed a handgun at her forehead. “Raharu!” he growled preparing to pull the trigger. “Deciding to send your little commando on a mission!” And that's when they went all out against each other with tons of firepower.

“Ow, are you done yet Ford?” Dipper exclaimed as Ford fired a few bullets at the boy's head. “Guess I am, that noggin of yours is really sturdy.” Ford replied as he tossed away the gun. “Your horn's acting up again, could it be that fooly cooly Stan keeps rambling about?” he asked noticing his great-nephew's horn as it started to wiggle.

“Hey guys, whatcha talkin' about?” Mabel wondered as she returned to them and sat down on the couch. “We were just discussing how much Haruko has changed us and Ford shooting me to see how tough my head was.” Dipper replied before taking his sister's head. “C'mon, let's go find Grunkle Stan.” Meanwhile, Kitsurubami had enough and started emptying lead on Canti. “NOOOO! STAY AWAY!” she exclaimed.

In town, Stan was charging through the streets looking for Haruko until he ran into a overweight man wearing a shirt that had a pizza on it. “Hey big guy, you seen a young lady about yay high, has pink hair and pretty much mentally unstable?” he asked panting before the pizza guy pointed at the hair salon. “Cool, thanks!”

Back onto Haruko and Amarao's firefight, the two continued giving each other all they got before standing off. “I'm not a child anymore, I'm an adult!” Amarao proclaimed putting on a pair of sunglasses. “I can buy my own insurance and everything!” Just then, dozens of other agents assembled behind him carrying guns like him.

“That robot is too dangerous. If we don't take it out, Medical Mechanica will make its move.” he explained. “You understand what they're planning and how it would affect the planet. And that thing, when it turns red, it's Atomsk.”

That last sentence alone made Haruko really angry as she opened fire on pretty much everyone in the building, shooting agents that busted in left and right until the front door was opened by Stan.

“Haruko, I've been wondering where you were!” he cried before turning his attention to Amarao. “Hello there eyebrows.” he grimaced at the head of the D.I.I. “Stan Pines, I knew you would show up here.” Amarao replied pointing his gun at the old trickster. “I'm surprised you didn't recognize me at first last night.” the great-uncle replied pulling out a gun of his own. “Was it the fake mustache?”

“You didn't have a fake mustache you idiot!” Amarao roared before turning to his men. “Pines isn't important right now, just stop Raharu!” At his command, they all dogpiled and pointed their guns at Haruko before she blasted them off her and pointed her Rickenbacker at Amarao. “You've got to be kidding me.” he groaned surrounded by the unconcious bodies of his fellow agents.

“Two against one, sounds like pretty good odds.” Stan added brandishing some brass knuckles.

Meanwhile, the Pines twins were running into town searching for their uncle. “You know bro, you've been acting pretty different lately, a bit less awkward and more awesome.” Mabel said. “Maybe Ford was right, maybe Haruko did have a part in the grand scheme of this.” Dipper boldly deducted. “Seriously Dipper, you've become so much different ever since she came here. She taught me to be braver in the face of life-threatening situations.”

Meanwhile, Stan and Haruko continued duking it out with Amarao while nearby townsfolk ran for cover, with the two tricksters getting the upper hand.

“You already are pretty brave. By the way, what's with that weird thing on the back of your head?” Mabel responded staring at the gun that appeared on her brother's head without his knowledge. “Be honest, you like her!”

Dipper stopped right there on the sidewalk as he was taken aback by his sister's words, given that he wasn't very good with romance and that Mabel's personal goal this summer was to meet a cute boy that would date her. Suddenly, he felt something click in his head as his horn burst out and planted itself in the ground before pushing him skyward as Mabel grabbed onto it.

The siren from Medical Mechanica sounded as the boy's horn grew larger, large enough to be noticed by Kitsurubami & Canti, Pacifica and all the people of Gravity Falls. Amarao, now on the ground after losing his battle with the man of mystery and his pink-haired partner and losing his large eyebrows, got up to notice what happened.

“Oh no, where are my eyebrows?!” he screamed before turning his head to the giant horn in the middle of town. “Medical Mechanica is using these machines to destroy this town and the rest of the planet, we are so screwed!” he continued on, much to Stan and Haruko's annoyance. “Yeesh, for such a calculating government agent, he sure is a wimp.” Stan mocked him. “Your friend is the one who caused all this Pines, and now we're all screwed because of her!”

“I don't care you idiot, got it memorized?” Haruko added scowling at Amarao. “Your guitar's not up to it, that's it!” he replied. “You're a million years under-evolved, you primitive monkey!” she screamed. “Whoa, take it easy babe!” Stan exclaimed trying to calm her down. “That's discriminatory language against underdeveloped planets!” Amarao shouted back before he was hit in the head with Haruko's bass before she waved it around while chanting.

“You can't do that here! Where are my eyebrows, my eyebrows!” Suddenly, a small thing appeared on the redhaired agent's forehead. “A little small as usual, but it'll do.” Haruko said plucking it off before revving up her instrument and taking off. “You handle him yourself Stan!”

“Stanley!” a voice called from a nearby alleyway. Stan walked into it to find his brother hiding. “Thank goodness you're still alive! Listen, we need to save Dipper & Mabel and the town!” Ford exclaimed. “Yep, that's the biggest one this story might put out.” Stan replied turning back to the giant robot.

“I have a feeling Diamond Brandy might show up, so I've decided to bring this along.” Reaching into a duffel bag, the genius pulled out a stone mask with a red gem on it.

“Oh mama, that looks like mob-boss quality!” the con-artist exclaimed reaching for him before his hand was slapped aside. “This is the Eyes of Heaven mask, an ancient artifact that I've recovered many years ago from temple ruins. If Diamond Brandy dare touches it, it could bring about the end of days!”

“Seriously, what does that chick see in those kids, especially the one with the hat?!” Amarao whined still looking up to the sky. “I don't know, maybe it's because he sort of has a pair.” Stan replied with a laugh.

Meanwhile high up in the sky, Dipper and Mabel were clinging on for dear life on top of the new robot's hat as it started moving towards Medical Mechanica. “If this is our last moment together Takkun, then I want to say it's been an honor being your sister!” Mabel exclaimed hugging her brother.

“I love you too Mabel, now hold on!” Dipper replied as he tried to find a way to safely return to the ground until a red light appeared zooming across the sky. It was Haruko, surfing on her guitar and wearing a Playboy bunny outfit for some reason. “Hey, it's Haruko!” the shooting star exclaimed. “Wait, why is she dressed like that?”

“DAICON FIVE!!!” Haruko cried as she fired a small guitar like a slingshot at the robot, knocking it back a bit. “Stop it Haruko!” Dipper shouted clinging on for dear life. “Please Takkun, summon Canti so that you can save us!” his sister cried ducking for cover. “Wait, are you serious right now?” the younger by five minutes boy exclaimed. “Of course I'm going to save us! CANTI!”

The Medical Machine sprung into the air and landed by his side. “And by the way, you've always known me as Dipper, not Takkun! You better remember that!” he shouted before getting eaten by Canti's torso jaws and making it turn red. As the robot pulled out a gun and started firing at the Vespa Woman, she gracefully dodged all its attack before being knocked down to the ground by one. Suddenly, Canti soared down and picked her up, seating her on its back.

Haruko prepared to attack with the slingshot again, but it proved ineffective against the mechanical monstrosity. “Ugh, useless!” she groaned throwing the slingshot away before slamming Canti's head, turning it into a cannon which fired at the gun-toting machine. It landed quite a hit, knocking it over while Mabel nearly fell off before Canti swooped in and saved her.

“It's falling!” Grenda exclaimed as she and Candy held each other close. “If this is the end of the line, then it's been fun being your friend!” the Asian girl replied before they noticed Mabel landing right in front of them. “Well, it's official. I have a fear of giant robots with cowboy hats and guns!” she exclaimed dusting herself.

“FINAL ROUND?!” Haruko exclaimed as the robot toppled over. Canti launched one final attack, which proved nothing when the robot repelled it by firing back and sending it careening into a nearby billboard. “I'm all out of ammo!” she complained before leaping into the air with her Rickenbacker in hand, but the robot aimed and fired all its weapons at her as it formed into a hand-like shape.

“Commander!” Kitsurubami cried as she and Amarao drove into the action. “I told you this was impossible!” her superior replied in panic before they were hit by a stray bullet. The bass-playing bunny continued falling as the robot got back up on its feet before she fell into Canti's arms when his screen started glowing.

“This is bad, it's heading towards the factory, it's gonna activate it!” Amarao screamed in terror before he spotted a beam of light spilling out of the Medical Machine's head. It grabbed the light and pulled it out, forming a guitar-shaped object. “It's....” Amarao said. “It's Atomsk's....” Haruko shouted in surprise.

“GIBSON EB-0 1961 MODEL!” they shouted in unison. Dropping Haruko, Canti launched itself at the robot, smacking it with the bass and finally making it fall over. It tumbled a bit before bouncing atop Medical Mechanica and turning into a giant hand. “I can't believe it, that must be the one!” Amarao exclaimed as it continued falling. “It's the real Pirate King!”

Canti struck one final blow, creating a large hole in the palm and causing a piece of machinery to burst out. Suddenly, steam erupted from the factory covering all of Gravity Falls with it. Meanwhile, Stan, Ford, Soos and Wendy were on a Mystery Shack golf cart searching for the kids. “See them dudes?” Soos asked. “No way Soos.” Wendy replied. “But we do see some kinda meteorite headed right for us.” Stan added. “Wait a minute, that isn't a meteor-RUN!” Ford exclaimed as they all ran far away from the golf cart as it met its untimely end in the hands of the clump of technology.

The red ammo fell from the billboard as the girls all watched, later joined by the Stans and the Shack employees. The golf cart crashed into a nearby fire hydrant spraying water on the glowing bullet before it turned back into their friend Dipper, followed by Haruko landing right next to him as she gazed into Atomsk's screen. “Atomsk!” she moaned.

“Dipper, you're alright!” Mabel exclaimed as she hugged her brother. “I was worried for you too.” he replied hugging her as well, before they patted each other on the back. “It's nice that both of you have their heads still attached which means your parents won't try to kill me, but now let's head back home.” Stan said picking them up by the arms. “I think you might need some rest.”

As they all happily walked back to the Shack, everything became frozen as a portal opened before them, which out climbed none other than Diamond Brandy. “Oh, did I miss the party?” he wondered as he raised a bubble around him and the Pines family. “Well, at least I get a few goodies.”

“Someone help us!” Mabel shouted pounding on the shield. “Soos, Wendy, Haruko, anyone!” Dipper added also pounding. “That shield won't work children. Outside things are going normally but here, I get to slaughter you and nobody will notice.” Diamond replied. “Now Six Fingers, I sense you have the item that I've been looking for.” he said turning to Ford. “I said it once and I'll say it again, I will never hand you the Eyes!” Ford declared. “Well then, if I can't take the mask, then I'll take your family's lives instead.” When he finished that sentence, the rest of the family became buried neck-down in the street, struggling to escape.

“Now what will it be Stanford, your loved ones or my key to ultimate power?” Brandy offered as he summoned a sword caked in blood in his hand. “You should know this sword is painted with the blood of my enemies.” Ford quivered as his brother and great-nephew & niece begged for mercy as he lowered the sword at their heads. “I think I'll start with.....” he pointed it at Stan. “YOU!!!”

“WAIT!” Ford interrupted his brother's execution by pulling out the mask. “I'll give you the mask, just leave my family and this planet alone!” The ruby gem resting atop its forehead glimmered in the light. “Very good choice.” the demon thanked him before pulling the three up like vegetables. “Now hand it over.”

“Hey wait, before you go off and destroy the galaxy, why don't you tell us your backstory? You just can't be evil because why not.” Mabel asked. “Fine Shooting Star, allow me to let you relive my past.” His fingertips glowed before he touched the Pines' foreheads, sending them all the way back to a Mayan-looking village. “Welcome to the story of how I became the monster you see today.”

“Before now, I was just another weakling that was picked on by my kinfolk.” he narrated as a young boy that looked like Diamond was picked on by other children. “Stay back, I have awesome powers that would make you wet your trousers!” the boy that would become Diamond Brandy exclaimed before throwing his hands out, expecting to release an awesome attack but nothing happen.

“Face it Deh'Go, you're not gonna go far.” one of the kids stated as they all walked away. “If you want your own powers, then why don't you just walk into a mud pit, I'm pretty sure you'd get earth powers.”

“Good Lord, and I thought Crampelter was bad.” Stan said as they all watched the younger Brandy weep in sorrow. “I just want to hug that nice and chubby baby so hard!” Mabel exclaimed as she tried to run up to the child, but failed.

“Sorry girl, we're spirits now. Meaning we can't interact with others while in this state.” Brandy explained. “My life was pretty terrible, but then everything changed when Atomsk attacked.”

He fast-forwarded time to a point where he was standing in the flaming ruins of his village. ”I wanted to help ward him off, but I failed and our home was reduced to rubble.” A short man with a bushy beard and white robes marched up to Brandy, looking very angry. “Do you realize what you have done Bu'Ran'Doy, now we have to rebuild!” the man barked as many other equally upset villagers gathered behind him. “But Atomsk is gone, that's good right?” the taller man sheepishly replied before his fellow Pole People started throwing rocks at him. “I was exiled from my home that day, but then I found help.”

Fast forwarding a little bit more, an image of Brandy drawing a circle in the dirt surrounded by a set of eight makeshift candles. “Hey, this is just like when Gideon summoned....oh no.” Dipper realized. “Indeed Pine Tree, it was at this spot where I first met a being you might know as Bill Cipher.” the demon explained as they all watched him summon the three-sided terror.

“Egassem sdrawkcab. egassem sdrawkcab. Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab!” the younger Diamond Brandy chanted with his eyes glowing blue as a familiar shape began to form, manically laughing along the way until Bill Cipher appeared before him.

“Hey there pal, name's Bill! And I suppose you summoned me for your own goals?” the dream demon greeted Brandy. “Indeed I have oh Great Triangle God of Weirdness,” Brandy replied kneeling before him. “I seek revenge on my people for shunning me all my life for my lack of special powers.”

“You mean those Pole People? Yeah, I think I can help you with that.” Bill replied as he began scrolling through different types of magic. “Which one would you like? I got water, earth, fire, air, metal, blood, etc!” All of those sounded interesting to the young Pole Person, but one had caught his eye. “I would like fire please.” he answered. “Firestarter? That's pretty hard to master.” the triangular terror said as he turned back to Deh'Go with his hand covered in blue fire. “Now do we have a deal?”

“It's a deal.” the future destroyer replied as he shook the demon's hand. “Alright, Firestarter's all yours pal!” Bill exclaimed as he started to disappear. “And remember, THE MEANING OF LIFE IS A JOKE, I WILL RETURN HERE ONE DAY, HERE'S JOHNNY BYYYYYYEEEEEE!!!!!!!” Cipher had disappeared, leaving Buh'Ran'Doy with this paper rune as he cackled evilly. “Look out Cylindoria, I will return!”

“What I didn't realize was that a lone villager was spying on me and Bill.” And he was right, a villager with a prominent bald spot watched as Brandy laughed, fearing the worst for his people. “When he returned to the city of Cylindoria, he explained what he had saw to the high council and they decided to create a mask that would end my reign of terror. And the rest was history.”

With that, he fast-forwarded through the rest of his story, from the creation of the mask, him mastering his powers, the destruction of Cylindoria and being sealed by the last Pole Person, who turned out to be that same villager. “Now that we got my backstory out of the way, the mask please.” Brandy ordered, in which Ford complied handing it over. “Yes, ultimate power is mine!” He put it on and everything was silent. Then, beams of light burst out of his limbs as he felt his power growing.

Then everything went silent again as the mask crumbled into pieces and falling onto the pavement. “Thank you for your time mortal, I promise your planet will be left unharmed.” Diamond Brandy thanked Ford before summoning his sword and soaring into the sky while the shield disappeared.

“Hey dudes, we were wondering what happened to you.” Soos said with a concerned look on his face. “Yeah, while you were gone Haruko ran off with Canti because of some weird Pirate King stuff that isn't related to that pirate show Soos watches.” Wendy added. “We actually weren't gone, we were held captive by this crazy guy who wanted to kill us unless Ford handed over this mask he wanted!” Mabel exclaimed while Dipper gazed into the sky, wondering where Haruko had gone.

“Aw chin up kid, Haruko may be gone probably for good and the whole universe is in danger, but at least we got Mrs. Pell's Fishsticks!” Stan reassured his great-nephew which Ford blush. “Well that's a pretty funny story. I uh, ate them all.” he nervously confessed showing the empty box to his brother. “They tasted so good when they're raw!” Stan replied by punching him in the face.

Hello everyone, Ford here. Well this is it, the final chapter is almost here. I just want to say it's been a fun ride with you all and I really had a fun time, even if I nearly doomed us all. Join us next time for Fooly Falls chapter 6! Now go beyond, PLUS ULTRA!

[minijenn]

Universe Falls Preview

Aughghghghgh fuck this chapter already my dudes imo its kickin my ass I wish it was done alreadyyyyyy But whatever its fine its ok its cool its still angsty and I can appreciate that so *shrug* anyway, enjoy... this:

“Uh… bro-bro?” Mabel spoke up with a slightly concerned frown. “Are you… gonna get back over here and help us clean this mess up?”

“Or are you just taking a quick breather?” Steven asked, wiping the sweat from his brow. “Cause if you are, t-that’s totally ok! Just as long as it’s not too long; some of these pieces are k-kinda heavy!” he groaned, pulling a rather large chunk of metal out of the sand, one that knocked him to the ground as it fell backwards towards him. “Whoa, that’s a big one!”

“Huh?” Dipper glanced over briefly, still rather disinterested before he dully turned his attention back to the lake. “Oh yeah, uh, sure, whatever you guys say.”

“Um, did you actually hear what we just asked?” Steven asked with a confused frown.

“I don’t know, something about taking a break?” Dipper shrugged, waving his hand dismissively and still not glancing back at either of them. “Either way, I honestly don’t really care.”

“Oh, for crying out loud…” Mabel sighed in exasperation as she put her shovel aside. “Dipper, please don’t tell me you’re still being all mopey and broody over what happened to-” She abruptly cut herself off as Dipper suddenly shot her a somewhat harsh look, largely knowing what she was about to say, which was why she wisely decided to rephrase things. “O-over what happened the other day. I thought you were finally starting to move past all that and feel better, just like I did!”

Dipper’s already unamused glower turned even more sullen and bitter as he largely scoffed his sister off. “I’m not moping or brooding,” he asserted pointedly. “I’m fine. I’m totally over—w-what happened.” He paused, letting out a terse, discouraged sigh as he glanced over the lake and muttered something else that Steven and Mabel didn’t quite catch. “It’s not like I can do anything about it anyway…”

“So… why do you seem so angry then?” Steven asked, concerned.

“I-I’m not angry!” Dipper snapped, almost proving himself wrong. “I just think that what we’re doing out here is kind of pointless.”

“Pointless?” the young Gem frowned in confusion. “But we’re helping the town by cleaning all this stuff away from the lake. Like Garnet said, all these ship pieces could be really dangerous, and people could really hurt themselves if they got near any of it. What we’re doing here is important!”

“It’s busywork, Steven,” Dipper deadpanned, rolling his eyes.

“Busywork?” both Steven and Mabel asked in unison, neither of them quiet understanding what he meant.

“All this stuff is busted,” Dipper explained, absently giving a nearby piece of rubble a light kick. “It’s not going to hurt anyone just by sitting here. And I’m pretty sure the only reason why the Gems are so insistent on us picking it all up is because they have no idea about what to do next. They don’t know how to track Peridot down, much less what to do with her if they even find her at all. And I bet they really don’t know what to do to save Lap-” He sharply cut himself off, his shoulders tensing as he noticed how the others looked to him with sympathy and understanding as he even partially mentioned the blue Gem’s name, sympathy and understand he didn’t think he needed. “I-I mean… they don’t know what to do about Malachite…” There was an edge of controlled hostility in his tone as he brought up the toxic fusion, not hiding how much he resented the fact that she even currently existed as such at all.

A beat of somewhat awkward silence passed at this, in which Steven and Mabel exchanged a somewhat concerned glance, neither of them sure of what to say to this cynical line of reasoning. Still, if there was anything that was able to counter Dipper’s usual pessimism, it was Mabel’s boundless optimism. “Um, well… even if they don’t know what to do about all that stuff right now, I’m sure they’re working hard to come up with something!”

“Which is why we should work hard too!” Steven chimed in with an agreeing grin. “In fact, I bet if we work really hard, then the Gems will notice and be super impressed with how responsible we all are!”

Mabel gasped in excitement over the prospect of such an idea. “Oh! And maybe they might even take us out for ice cream as a reward! Or take a bunch of celebratory selfies with us!”

“Yeah!” Steven cheered brightly, exchanging a spirited high five with Mabel, much to Dipper’s apparent exasperation.

“Good to see nothing’s changed with you guys…” he sighed, looking over to the lake once more and wishing, just as intently and fruitlessly as always, that the blue Gem wasn’t trapped beneath it.

[pinebypine]

Theatre of Competition

Triplet AU fic. Ty and Mabel are bored by Dipper’s choice of film

Since Dipper insisted on seeing the movie he bought the tickets, but since Ty and Mabel were the ones with the sugar cravings they bought the snacks. The triplets sat in the back row of the theater so they could push up the armrests between their seats and get a little cuddly. The girls maneuvered Dipper into the middle and each grabbed a hand, intertwining their fingers and laying their heads on his shoulders. The first twenty minutes of the movie passed pretty pleasantly for Dipper, until Ty broke the silence.

"I'm bored. Mabel, aren't you bored?"

"Oh god yes." Her sister opined. "This movie is the snoozeville."

Dipper felt offended. "Hey it’s got dragons and sword fights and junk."

Mabel stuck her tongue out and made a raspberry noise. "The trailer does but so far its been wall to wall talking."

“It’s obviously going to start…” Ty’s fingertip pressed to Dippers lips, effectively interrupting him.

“While Dipper gets to enjoy his boring movie, I would like to propose an activity that will also keep the two of us entertained.”

“Do go on, dear sister. I’m all ears.”

“Well, you know how-” Ty made a conspiratorial throat clearing noise, “loud Dipper gets.”

Mabel giggled and nodded. They had recently been forced to enact a very strict never-when-the-parents-are-home-no-not-even-if-we-think-we-can-keep-it-under-control rule on account of Dipper’s volume and his apparent complete inability to control said volume when suitably stimulated.

“I propose that you and I enter into a good natured bet. First one to make Dipper make an embarrassing noise wins.”

Mabel’s grin shone in the reflected light of the movie screen. “Usual stakes?”

Ty shrugged. “Sounds good to me. Would you like to set any ground rules or does a free for all sound good to you?”

Mabel tapped her chin with one finger and looked at the subject of their little competition. Dipper was wild-eye and probably about to break into a sweat. “No tickling. No biting. No under the clothing.”

Ty’s eyebrows rose. “Well if that’s how it’s going to be then we better make sure the playing field is set up properly.” She reached over, grabbed the zipper pull on Dipper’s hooded sweatshirt, and pulled it all the way down.

Dipper gulped nervously. He had just realized that neither one of them were releasing their grips on his hands. “Uh girls. Don’t I get some say in this?”

Mabel shot him a glance and patted his shoulder. “Shh, Dipper. Grownups are talking. Are we playing until the end of the movie?”

“Yep. Terms accepted?” She offered her free hand and they shook on it.

“For crying out loud,” Dipper grumbled, “you are five and ten minutes older than me and I just want to watch the damned movie.”

Ty leaned in and placed a lingering kiss on the corner of her brother’s jawline and felt him clench his jaw muscles in response. “It’s so cute when you think you get a say in these things.”

Mabel placed a hand flat against his chest and let out a little giggle. “My my, somebody is all a pitter patter.”

“Because what you two are proposing is likely as hell to get us caught.”

Ty scanned the movie theater. It was a tuesday afternoon in the middle of summer. Apparently everyone else had read the reviews for this movie and had decided to pass on it. There were three other groups of patrons; a couple of women in the middle row, a group of three indistinguishable people farther forward, and, closest to the triplets, a man who was so obviously asleep a few rows in front and far off to one side, his head limply flopped backward over his seat, mouth agape..

“I think we’ll be ok, scaredy-cat. You just enjoy your boring movie and Mabel and I will enjoy our game.”

It took about four minutes before Dipper had to actually bite the inside of his lip to keep from letting a moan escape his mouth. Mabel noticed this and paused in her light touches, catching Ty’s eye meaningfully. Which was when Dipper realized that while they were ostensibly “playing” against each other, they were going to drag this out for as much of the whole two remaining hours as they could. When one of them won, they no longer got to have their fun.

They let him cool off for about five minutes, but it seemed like only seconds after they resumed that rivulets of sweat were running down Dipper’s back, despite how cold the air conditioning was making it in here. He was straining with all his effort to keep his trap shut; the fear of the disastrous consequences of them being found out by someone giving him extra reserves of willpower.

“Hey, we said no biting.”

“I was nibbling, not biting.”

“Don’t push the line, Pines, or I’ll take this to the next level.”

Ty snickered and ceased running her lips along Dipper’s neck. She leaned across his lap toward her sister, then made a quick “come here” motion, indicating as if she wished to whisper something to her. Mabel responded by leaning over as well and turning her head for her ear to be spoken in to surreptitiously. Ty made a quick glance to be sure Dipper was watching, and like he had a choice; they were inches away and right in front of his face. Then she reached up with her free hand and in one swift motion, she’d pulled Mabel’s face back round and drew her in for a deep, long kiss.

Dipper was about to explode. He was practically vibrating with tension in his seat, hands pinned in his sisters’ laps, unable to do anything to mitigate the situation. He was starting to worry that if he bit his lower lip any harder, he was going to actually draw blood.

The girls took their time with the kiss but when they separated, and Mabel looked at the straining expression on Dipper’s face, she tut-tutted her sister. “If that had been the winning move, you so totally shouldn’t have been allowed to call it in your favor; team effort as it was.”

Ty attempted an innocent expression. “Never would have occurred to me to even try to claim victory is such a scenario. I was just feeling a little bad at how much attention we were lavishing dear Dipper and none on ourselves.” As she whispered her hand dropped casually to Dipper’s knee and he nearly bolted up out his seat.

“Look girls,” he spoke very carefully through gritted teeth, “I know you’re having fun and all but is there anything I can do to get you to just postpone all this until we’re, you know, alone? I’ll do your chores for a week. I’ll take you shopping. Anything.”

His sisters giggled in response and then they both snuggled up closer to him. Dipper was on the edge of breaking down.

“You said embarrassing noise, right?” He bargained. “How ‘bout this, then?” Dipper scrunched up his face, opened his mouse, and made the loudest and most convincing series of pig squeals either of his sisters had ever heard out of him; the man on the other side of the theater even woke up and looked around, apparently startled and confused. “There. Game over. Winner: Dipper Pines.”

The girls had shifted back from him in surprised at his sudden porcine imitation. They looked around and saw that the few other watchers in the theater had all turned to look at them. Ty reached up with her free hand and gently smacked the side of Dipper’s head in reprimand.

“Seriously,” she shook her head in disapproval, “we can’t take you anywhere.”

“It was either that or you two get what you wanted and we all get kicked out of the theatre for- you know.”

Mabel rolled her eyes, released Dipper’s hand, and slumped into her seat. “You worry too much, bro. Besides, it’s not like you weren’t having fun too.” She pointed at her brother’s lap, which was having a serious tenting problem. Dipper swore under his breath and performed a quick tucking maneuver to at least reduce the problem.

Ty reached up and scruffed Dipper’s shaggy hair. “You don’t have to be such a spoil sport about it. We were just winding you up; we don’t want to get caught either. You’re just so much fun to tease.”

Dipper made a small huffing noise and pouted in his seat. “Well neither of you are the one going home with blue balls at the end of the night.”

“Oh poor Dipper’s little nuts.” Mabel reached over and patted him on the top of the head. “Why would you think we’d be so cruel to our little brother, Big D? Ty and I were gonna help you out.”

His other sister flung her arm around Dipper’s shoulders and and squeezed. “Of course; sisterly duty and all.”

Dipper’s brow furrowed. “But what about the never-when-the-parents-are-home-no-not-even-if-we-think-we-can-keep-it-under-control rule?”

“Oh, mom and dad aren’t home.” Mabel leaned on Dipper’s shoulder and he felt Ty’s hand start to play with her hair. “They have that dinner party for dad’s work; they’ll be out late.”

They silently watched the movie; the sword fighting bit had started up, but even Dipper’s heart wasn’t in it. After a few minutes, Ty felt Dipper’s hand on her leg; he gave her a gentle squeeze. She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Look who’s not too reluctant to play now.”

“Actually this movie did turn out to be pretty lackluster and it’s not like I was able to pay much attention to the first part. So I’ve sort of lost the plot and…”

“Dipper Pines!” Mabel scolded in a whisper. “Are you proposing that we skip the end of the movie you so generously paid for?”

“Well…”

Ty snatched a hand of each of her siblings and leapt to her feet. “Oh thank god, I thought you were actually going to make us finish this awful thing.” She started dragging them toward the exit door. They were in the parking lot in record time and Mabel started to strip from sweater down to just her pony adorned T-shirt.

“Jeez, it was getting hot in there.” She tossed the garment at her brother and turned to walk backward a couple of paces ahead of the other two. “Now, I think Dipper was very patient with us, Ty; so he definitely deserves a little something.”

Ty’s eyebrows raised. “You thinking of our patented Triple-Double-Trouble?”

Mabel shot her some finger guns. “Read my mind, Tee.” Then her smile grew playfully sly. “Plus that’ll pretty much hit the reset switch on our favorite brother here, and you and I can get back to our bet.” She winked at Ty.

“You are so on, Mabel Pines.”

“Um girls, I think you’re expecting a bit too…” And then Dipper did the math and decided that with a Triple-Double-Trouble and a whole evening with the house to themselves, he was probably getting a bargain.

[ppandfm]

Parties, Formal Meetings and Pinetrees   Chapter: 4

Description:  Two gay men, a protective grunkle, and a bottle of whiskey all appear in this chapter.

After Dipper called out to whoever was at his room door it opened revealing a certain great-uncle of theirs. Ford standing there nerdy and proud with a grin on his face as he put his suitcases down by the room doorway. Dipper about forgot that their great-uncle was going to be staying for a few days to visit. Mabel about tackled him though with one of her bear hugs.

   “Great-Uncle Ford!!” Mabel practically cried out when she tackle hugged him. “Oh my gosh it’s so good to see you!”

   Ford laughed as he hugged his niece, “It’s great to see you as well, Mabel! How did that sweater you were telling me about turn out?”

   “It looked amazing, Great Uncle Ford. I wish I could’ve shown it to you in person, but I gave it to my friend Pacifica.”

   “You mean your crush, Mabes. Hey, Great Uncle Ford, how have you been?” Dipper said as he stood up to shake his relative’s hand. Ford took the hand and pulled him into a hug. His great uncle pulled away to look at his nephew and niece.

   “I’ve been doing fine. Stan just got over a cold, though, so he wasn’t able to come. Now, what’s this about a crush, Mabel? I thought you were dating that Mermando guy.”

   Mabel rolled her eyes, “First off, we went on one date. Second, it turned out he’s supposed to marry some duchess in Europe, so we decided to just be friends. Finally, Pacifica is a good friend of mine and she’s really pretty and I feel really warm inside when I think about her and I’m kinda sorta not really totally in love with her.”

   Dipper and Ford chuckled together at the girl’s lovesick look. Mabel shook her head and grabbed her great uncle’s bags, “Anyway, I’m gonna put these in your room so you can talk to Dipper. He needs some advice about coming out. You’ll thank me for this later, bye!”

   Dipper cursed his sister under his breath and sat down on the bed. He felt a dip next to him and a six-fingered hand on his back. The room was silent for a few minutes before Ford spoke, “So you are queer. I guess I owe Stan ten dollars. But, what’s this about coming out? I thought your parents weren’t really okay with all this queer business.”

   “It’s just a joke Mabel made. Also, I can’t believe you and Stan bet on my own gayness behind my back. I’m not really gay. I still like girls. I mean, all that business with Wendy wouldn’t really make sense if I were gay, would it? So, no, not gay. But, maybe I’m a little bisexual. I don’t know.”

    Ford rubbed for a moment, then asked a question, “Why is she bringing all this up now? It doesn’t really make sense unless you’ve just now met someone.”

   “Well…” Dipper trailed off. Ford cocked an eyebrow at his nephew, “Have you met someone, Dipper?”

   Dipper blushed slightly and cleared his throat, “Well, yeah, kinda. But, not in that way.”

   Ford chuckled and looked at his hands, “I said the same thing once. Then he asked me on a date. I still remember how heartbroken he looked when I rejected him. By the time I’d figured it out, he was already married and had a son. Point is, you ought to kiss your new man now.”

   Dipper’s blush worsened just as his phone buzzed. Ford snatched it up before his nephew could get to it and looked at the screen, “Based on this text, this fellow you’ve met is a decent man. Tell me when you’re thinking about asking him on a date so Mabel and I can properly prepare ourselves to give him the talk.”

   “Great Uncle Ford, I’m not like that,” Dipper said before taking his phone back and reading the text.

   Ash: Hey, hope you’re having a good night.

   “Wendy is Ash in my phone. It’s a movie reference.”

   “Whatever you say sir dippington.” Mabel quipped as she wriggled her eyebrows earning a glare from Dipper. “Okay okay but what about Bill? Wait, is that his name?”

    Dipper shifted in his spot.

   “Mabel- he’s just a friend-” Mabel chimed in. “A boyfriend.”

   “Mabel oh my god” Dipper about facepalmed when Ford quirked an eyebrow.

   “Okay- okay jesus. So I only met him a few nights ago and he gave me his number. We’ve been texting. I was only trying to figure out- figure out-” Dipper trailed off. Specifically he didn’t want them to know the other just snuck into his room because of a party he called the cops on. Not a good idea.

   “Figure out what?” Dipper was taken out of his trailing thoughts. “Trying to just y’know get to know him.”

   “That’s not what I was seeing before Dipper” Mabel grinned.

   “Mabel, I’m not going to date him because I’m not a queer. You might be and Ford might be ace, but that doesn’t mean I’m gay too.”

   “But I am not just asexual,” Ford chimed in. Dipper rolled his eyes as Mabel stood up and said dramatically, “You’re not?

   “No, my dearest niece. I am biromantic!!” Their overdramatic uncle shouted. Mabel fake fainted. Dipper face palmed at the horrible things happening in his room. When his uncle and sister began laughing their asses off, he got up and pushed them towards the door. The two continued laughing as they left the bedroom. Dipper huffed and sat down to do homework because that’s a thing he’s been trying to do for like an hour now.

   Meanwhile, in an undisclosed location, a certain triangle turned human was chugging diet coke and popping mentos into his mouth at the same time to impress a random guy he thought was cute. Weirdly enough, this guy looked almost exactly like a certain plant man he knew.

   “Bill, you’re fucking stupid. This is going to end in disaster,” Pyronica said. Bill flipped her off as foam began rushing out of his mouth in a disgusting way. The guy he was trying to impress gave him a look and moved away. Pyronica laughed at her friend as he almost choked on all the foam, “He’s gone, man. I guess you’ll just have to make a stupid mistake and call that kid you met the other day.”

   As soon as Bill caught his breath, he shot a glare at her, “Are you kidding me? I’m not nearly drunk enough for that. Hand me a vodka, then I might call him.”

   Without a word, Pacifire handed him the requested drink. The triangle guy pulled out his phone and began pouring the drink down his throat.  

   Bill: Dippppppppahhhhhhhh

   Dipper: Wtf

              What do you want?

    Bill: To tallllkkkbdhhch

    Dipper: Tf is wrong with you?

                Why are you typing all weird?

     Bill: Vvodka

    Dipper: I can’t believe you. Go get sober, then talk to me.

    Bill: N o

         Oooooo

        Oooooooo

   He looked around himself and realized all his friends were gone. He was surrounded by strangers, with a few of them looking like they wanted to kick someone’s ass. Bill quickly decided he didn’t want to be that someone. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey and got the fuck out of there. Once in the cool evening air, he started texting Pinetree again.

     Bill: Hahhhhhhhhh

          Cant socialize

         I donvt wanna get sobbah

     Dipper: Please? For me?

     Bill: Ppppinnnneeevvtrreeee

     Dipper: Wtf is even up with that nickname?

    Bill looked up, noticing a lack of natural light. The sun had gone down and the streets were dark, save for the few working streetlights. He quickly decided that since it was too far to walk to his own home, he’d go crash at Dipper’s again. He turned on the street leading to the Richie part of town and picked up his pace.

    Bill: Because your fvannel smells like pinetrees

    Dipper: That’s where my fucking flannel went.

               You jackass

     Bill: You didn’t objeext

     Dipper: Fuck u

               I was busy trying to get you out of my room for half the night.

     The man laughed out loud. He took a gulp of whiskey, loving the burn in his throat.

     Bill: Hhshshshhshshhs

          Youuuuuuuu

        Didn’t ttttt

      Noticeeessssssssss

     Dipper: I’m blocking you

    Bill finally reached his destination and jumped the fence as quietly as his drunk ass could. He started climbing a tree he thought led to Dipper’s window, but too late realised the room belonged to someone else. Instead, an older man was sitting on the bed, talking to someone on the phone. He seemed oddly familiar to the triangle man, but Bill couldn’t put his finger on it. A twig snapped underneath his foot and the man stopped talking. Bill scampered up the tree and climbed onto the roof. He pulled his phone out again to reply to his Pinetree’s texts.

      Bill: nnnnOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

     Dipper: I won’t if you don’t climb in my window again. My uncle is here now and he’ll

                actually beat the shit out of you.

     Bill: Okkkkkkaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy

          Wwwaaiittt who ddau

     Dipper: My Great Uncle Ford.

               He lives up in Oregon and is pretty much the reason for my lifestyle.

    Bill froze in his spot when he heard the window below him open. He could do nothing but stare at his phone screen. As the window closed again, Bill suddenly realised something.

      Bill: Wwait

           Wait wait wait

         Hold the phonbah

      Dipper: What?

      Bill: He got six fingwts oon esch hanndd?

     Dipper: Yeah?

     Bill clamped a hand over his mouth to keep from getting too loud. Sixer had almost caught him. And this freaking kid was that man’s nephew.

      Bill: you mean

           SIXER

         You’re relatedddd

        To

       SIXER

     Dipper: How the fuck do you know my uncle?

     Bill: I know

          LOTS

        Of people

      And lost of things.

     Dipper: Okay

               That’s not creepy as fuck

     Bill: I know them usually through deals, business, parties or just running into them in

          the past and all that xhit

        Sixerrr

      That’s a longfgg

     Story

    Dipper: Maybe you can tell it to me sometime

    Bill: Maybe now

        Im already on your vroff

     Sooooo

    Dipper: How the fuck…

              I don’t care

           Just get in here

     Bill: Life

         That’s how

       nO YOU SHOULD

     I fought a bIGGASSBIRD

   tO SIT UP HERE

    He couldn’t tell the truth about almost getting caught. A little lie wouldn’t hurt him.

    Dipper: How am I supposed to get on my roof?

              How dod you get on my roof?

           *did

    Bill: IiiiIIII

        Lend you a hannddd

      I used your biggass tree

    Dipper: The oak tree?

              Just give me a hand.

     Bill: Ye

         Okayyyyy

    Bill shoved his phone in his pocket and carefully moved so he could see the back side of the house. A window to his right opened and a head of brown hair poked out. A chuckle escaped the drunk man as he moved so he was over the window. The kid began climbing out. Then, he slipped. Bill reached down easily and caught the kid before he fell. He dragged him onto his lap.

    “Pinetree, I missed you.”

    The kid scoffed, but gave Bill a hug anyway, “It’s been less than a week, Bill. Let me go.”

    “Aw, c’mon, don’t be like that. I know you missed me too, kid,” Bill whispered into Dipper’s ear. Dipper’s breath hitched slightly. He pushed on Bill’s chest and let out a sigh when he was released. The duo sat together and looked up at the sky for a few awkward moments. Then, Bill realised he still had the bottle of whiskey in his grip.

    “Hey, kid, want a drink?”

    Dipper eyed the bottle suspiciously, but nodded anyway. Bill handed him the bottle and the kid took a swig. He coughed after swallowing it, “God- fuck- that shit is strong-”

    Dipper cringed a little after handing the drink back. Bill snorted when he cringed, taking another swig of his drink waving his hand around for a moment after trying not to fall on his back.  “Don’t laugh- how the hell do you even drink this stuff?”

    Bill chuckled, “That’s my secret kid.”

    “Bullshit” Dipper snorted. “The best bullshit I’ve ever heard was the time a guy I know named Jason talked about sleeping with his best friends girlfriend. And that was a harsh punch to his friendship before he realized it was a shitty joke.”

     “Oh yeah?” Bill looked at the brunette and quirked an eyebrow. “The best bullshit I heard was when Johnny DiMaggio and his boys down the road from my house got high and crashed a car in the police station and managed to get away from it with his boys. The trio doesn’t even smoke weed and you can tell.”

    Dipper waved it off with a snort but covered his mouth. “Oh my god why am I even laughing-”  

    Dipper motioned for the whiskey and Bill gave him the bottle.

    Bill elbowed the other wriggling his eyebrows with a chuckle. “What? You feeling them Misery vibes Richie’? I find it kind of funny that a good boy like you would even want a drink.”

    Dipper about choked on the whiskey before handing it back quickly to the drunk blonde. “Christ- don’t ever call me a good boy again jesus-”  

    Bill laughed, “Does that mean you’ve done something naughty, Pinetree? I wonder what you’ve done to piss off authority figures.”

    “I stole my sister’s ex-boyfriend’s car and crashed it into a tree. It put me in the hospital with two broken ribs and a concussion for a week. It was so worth it, though. That guy’s a major asshole.”

    Bill about choked on his drink. He looked over at Dipper in surprise. “Holy fuck really?”

    The blonde covered his mouth snorting at the other. “Oh my god.”

    Dipper smiled, then looked up at the cloudy night sky. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, passing the bottle and looking at the stars. Bill eventually whispered, “What do you think when you look at the stars, Pinetree?’

    Dipper thought for a moment before answering, “I think about home. The night sky makes me feel at home.”

    Bill chuckled at his friend’s response, “That’s so cheesy.”

    The teen scoffed, “Really? And what does the great Bill Cipher think when he looks at the stars?”

    “How small we really are. Compared to the universe, we’re just two tiny little specks.”

    “Isn’t that good? I mean, look around you. We’re all a part of something. Whatever universal force is out there, it specifically made this entire universe so we could be alive and be on this roof right now. Isn’t that amazing, Bill?”

    Bill stared at Dipper for a few moments, then took a sip of whiskey, “Do you always think this deeply, kid?”

    “No, not usually. I think the whiskey is starting to get to me. I’m gonna have to be careful getting back down.”

    Bill chuckled, “You’re so adorable, kid. I’ll help you out and probably stay the night again. I promise to leave before morning.”

    Dipper stared at Bill, then began laughing, “You think I want you to leave? No way, Cipher. You can stay all morning for all I care. I don’t give a damn.”

    “Really? You sure about that, Dipper?” Bill asked, one eyebrow cocked. Dipper simply nodded. “Yeah I mean it’s not like you haven’t before.”

    The brunette stated as he looked at the stars above them. “So why the hell not?”

    Bill gave Dipper a long look before grinning drunk pinetree was full of surprises. Bill leaned over and ruffled the brunettes hair. “Alrighty then Pinetree~!”

    The blonde snorted when Dipper moved the blonde’s hand from his hair with a glare.

    “Bill don’t do that again-”

    The blonde pouted, “Awh but Pinetree!” Bill whined in which Dipper snorted.

    “Nope. Not again.” Bill laid back with a small whine and stared up at the stars.

    “Okay Princess” The blonde huffed. After a few hours of laughter, tired gazes upon the stars above and talking about trippy things. The two lazily and carefully made their way back into Dippers room settling for the night.