#parties formal meetings and pinetrees

[ppandfm]

Parties, Formal Meetings & Pinetrees  Chapter: 5

Description: When you think you've truly escaped the past it comes up and bites you in the ass.

   Dipper was slow to wake up. He felt the harsh thumping in his head and a body pressed up against his back. He made sure he had pants on before looking at the person. His suspicions were confirmed when he saw a mop of blond hair. He scoffed, immediately regretting it when the dull pain in his head suddenly felt like his head was being ripped apart. The teen carefully attempted to remove Bill’s arm from his waist, only to have it hug him tighter. Dipper would have been contented to stay there, but the pain in his head told him he had to go get water. Bill would probably want some too when he woke up, so that meant Dipper had to be freed.

  He turned to Bill again and flicked his nose, “Wake up, Misery! I need water and an aspirin!” The blonde wrinkled his nose in result when the brunette flicked his nose. Only to tighten his grip a little more and pull the other to his chest.

  “Oh my god, I can’t believe you,” the poor tree whispered. He grabbed Bill’s arm and attempted to move it again. Bill’s arm didn’t loosen at all. Dipper finally sighed and settled back down. He’d have to wait this out.

  A minute later, Bill’s head moved to his ear, “Good morning, Juliet.”

  “Oh, so now you wake up.”

  “Yes. Is that a problem, Pinetree?” Bill nuzzled against his neck. Dipper pulled away, scoffing again, “Yes, I need some water and an aspirin.” The blonde shrugged.

  “Psh, that’s what you get from alcohol, princess.” He purred. Dipper rolled his eyes and got out of bed. He straightened his shirt and went into his bathroom, “Can I get you anything, Romeo?” Bill chuckled as he sat up, straightening his shirt in a half-assed manner.

  “Maybe some water and an Aspirin.” Bill looked over to the side with a faint smirk, “Maybe your sweet ass too.”

  “Sorry, but you’re not my type,” Dipper said as he came back in with a bottle of Advil and a plastic cup of water.

  “What’s your type?”

  “Female.” Bill quirked an eyebrow. “Really? You don’t seem like a straight guy to me, kid.”

  “Why do people keep expecting me to be gay? I’m straight. Besides, my parents aren’t exactly okay with that. I could never come out, so I’d probably marry some woman and have a man on the side. “  

  “So you’re Bisexual?”

  “No. I am totally, one hundred percent straight.” Dipper popped a pill into his mouth and took a sip of water before handing the drink to Bill. He ignored the look he got.

  “So, what’s the plan now buttercup?” Bill asked as he took a drink of his water after taking his pill.

  “I don’t know. I meant to spend time with my great-uncle today, but he probably want to rest,” Dipper said as the door opened. Ford stepped in, freezing when he saw Bill.

  The blonde turned to look over at the door and started to squint. “Sixer.” Bill muttered.

  “Bill Cipher, what the hell are you doing in my nephew’s room?” the confused grunkle said.

  “Just existing here. Practically slept here. Isn’t that right, Pinetree? Oh yes it’s very much true. I practically live here.” Bill practically reeked sarcasm.

  “Dipper, please tell me he’s lying.”

  “He is. We just met like two days ago. This isn’t what it looks like at all,” Dipper said as he stood up. Bill whistled, “Oh my, Pinetree. You’ve got quite an ass on you.~”

  “Please do not harass my nephew, Cipher.”

  No one said anything for a couple of minutes, as Dipper was thoroughly embarrassed and the other two were glaring at each other. Dipper eventually shook his head and walked to where Ford stood, “Great-Uncle Ford, it’s been a long night and I’m famished, so please allow me to go to the kitchen and get breakfast.”

  Ford didn’t move out of the way, “Why do you smell like alcohol? Cipher, did you force him to drink?”

  “Dammit Ford, no one forced me to do anything! I drank last night because I wanted to and Bill is here because I want him to be here. Now, please allow me to go get something to eat.”

  The elderly man moved out of the way in surprise and his nephew squeezed past him. Bill cracked a grin and shouted after Dipper, “Good one, Pinetree!”

  Ford shot a glare in his direction, “What the hell are you doing, Cipher? It wasn’t enough to hurt one Pines, you had to get another one.”

  “Yeesh Sixer, it’s been a while. I didn’t know he was a Pines until last night. Even so,I have no intentions to hurt him.” Bill inquired with a smile.

  “That was five years ago. It’s not exactly that far in the past, Cipher. You did do a number on my sanity, as well. God, I can’t believe this is happening,” Ford said as he sat down in Dipper’s chair.

  “Oh? The almighty Stanford Filbrick Pines lost some sanity? Funny you’re supposed to be the smartest man in the US. As I said, I have no intentions to do a repeat. This time, I actually want to avoid all that bullshit.” Bill waved a hand on the last part, “So don’t worry about your little sapling. He won’t end up like Fez. But I never said it was my fault or not.” He snorted. “How’s Fez doing anyways~? He recovering pretty nicely or has he gotten worse?” The blonde leaned forward.

  “You know Stan. He’s a stone wall. He was up and flirting with the hospital nurses within a few days of him coming out of his coma.”

  “Hah, good ol’ Fez. Good to hear.” Bill smiled faintly. “Got in a coma though? Have him write me a book on that. That’s gotta be an experience.”

  “After what you did? Stan’s sworn to kick your ass if he ever sees you again. Lucky for you, I try to be more pacifistic around my family.”

  “Psh, figures. Good ol’ Fez just as much of a fighter as I remember him to be.” Bill huffed quietly. “What about Fiddleford? Grown mad as a hatter as you have?”

  “Bill, you broke his heart. He truly thought you were a good kid. And then something happened between me and him,” Ford cleared his throat, “Point is, we don’t really talk anymore. He tried to go back to his son, but that didn’t exactly work out for him. He ended up moving to the East and I haven’t seen him since.

  Bill went quiet for a moment crossing his arms as he let out a sigh, “Shame. Wouldn’t think things would turn out so bad for him.” He shrugged after. “Too bad I’m not good on meeting people’s goddamn expectations.” Bill grumbled to himself quietly.

  Ford sighed and looked at his former friend, “Where did you go, Bill? We were all worried about you.”

  “Traveled here and there. Met up with some people who are now my friends. One of my best friends convinced me to come here. Piedmont’s been my home ever since.” Bill shrugged. “Why do you wanna know?”

  “Because we were good friends once upon a time. Because Stan and Fids deserve to know what the hell happened to you.” Ford shrugged, “Or maybe it’s just because I’m a nosy old fucker. I’m not exactly sure.”

  Bill snorted for a moment. “Funny how before you didn’t seem to want me hanging around here. Now this. Now you speak for them? Surprised you’re not cussing at me for fucking up you, Fez, and Glasses.” Bill jabbed at his own chest. “Half your relationships went down hill because of me, right? I’m honestly surprised that you haven’t slapped me yet. I mean, that kid’s not here, so what’s stopping you?”

  “Bill, you’re almost as smart as me. How could you have not realised Dipper’s been listening in for the past ten minutes?”

  “Oh shit, really? Hah- The kid’s gotten to become a Nancy Drew like you were back then.” Bill teased as looked over at the room door. Said teen came in, looking confused and carrying a banana. He handed the food to his uncle and sat by Bill before opening his mouth, “What the hell happened?”

  Ford looked at Dipper, “Remember when Stan was hurt so badly you and Mabel had to spend a summer with us to help take care of him?”

  Dipper turned to Bill, “That was your fault?”

  “Psh. Why don’t you ask Sixer.” The blonde shrugged.

  “You were the one messing around with those horrible men. We followed you to find out what the hell was going on and Stan got hurt trying to protect you.”

  Bill scoffed, “I told you to just leave me alone. It’s your own damn fault.”

  Ford reached over to place his hand on Bill’s shoulder. It was immediately knocked off. The blonde glared at his former friend, “Don’t touch me. We’re not friends anymore, remember?”

  Ford leaned back in his chair, “No, I guess we aren’t. That doesn’t give you the right to be a bitch about all this.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “The kids deserve to know, Bill. They’re as much my family as you were.”

  “Family? We were never family. I was just the brat kid who lived with you ‘cause I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

  Ford shook his head angrily, “It wasn’t like that. I loved having you around and so did the other two. If you’re okay with it, I’d like to share stories about then with Dipper.”

  Bill huffed waving his hand, “Why don’t you also tell him how I should have gotten shot up, since you like telling him shit from the past?”

  “Dammit Bill, all you had to do was tell us and you would still be there. We would have helped you out. But, if you want me to tell you that I hate you, that you should have died that night, that I would kill you right now if Dipper weren’t here, then I will.” Ford stood up and walked to the door. He stopped before he left, “I don’t hate you, Cipher, and I don’t totally blame you for what happened. But I want you to stay away from my family.”

  “You should though. I don’t give a shit anymore.” Bill rolled his eyes. “You can’t tell me jack shit what to do anyways. You’re not my father. Jesus christ.”

  Ford didn’t say anything as he walked away. Dipper was looking solemnly at his hands. Tears were rolling down his face. He didn’t look at Bill, but he spoke to him, “You need to leave.”

  Bill gave the brunette a long hard look before sighing to himself. “Fine. Okay yeah. I’ll go.” The blonde simply stated as he got up and walked over to the window. Opening it in silence and beginning to climb out. “Just so you know, I blame myself too.” With that, he made his way out of the brunette’s room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Timeskip~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Later that night, Dipper was laying in his bed and staring at the ceiling. He had been here for the past few hours. Even after the blonde left he couldn’t help but think to himself. Could he trust him? If he was the one who caused Grunkle Stan to get shot, why can’t he bring himself to hate the other? Most importantly, why does he miss him already?

  Dipper sat up and wiped his eyes with a groan. Looking to the window, he realized he still hadn’t closed it since after Bill had left. He could practically feel the cool night air pooling into his room. It made him remember that first night how the blonde stumbled into his room, half tipsy and trying to get away from the police. Dipper snorted. But then he started thinking about the blonde’s words from earlier. Still hearing the grim tone Bill took when he spoke.

  “Just so you know, I blame myself too.” He couldn’t help but feel bad for the Misery.

  Don’t forget, Great-Uncle Ford doesn’t want him around you.

  Dipper got up and closed his window. Taking a quick glance over to his phone.

  It wouldn’t hurt to text him...right? But can I even trust him?

  Dipper stared at his phone a little more before groaning to himself and grabbing it. Quickly turning it on and scrolling through his messages until he found the name ‘Bill’ on the list and pressed it; typing up a quick message.

  Dipper: Bill? It’s me Dipper-

            I just- wanted to check up on you-

           Fuck okay- I’m sorry for telling you to leave.

          I don’t think you’re a bad guy.

  Dipper turned and plopped back down on his bed and waited for any replies from the blonde. But even after he messaged the other. He didn’t receive any messages back. Dipper gave the other a few more minutes before grabbing his phone again.

  Dipper: Bill come on, I know you’re there at least-

            Are you okay?

  Dipper took a deep breath and set his phone down on the little desk next to his bed and waited for another moment. That entire time, he hoped to hear the familiar ding when Bill would text him back. But there was no ding to his dismay.

  Dipper grumbled after a few more minutes before sitting up grabbing his phone and sitting up.

  Dipper: You know what? Fuck it.

             I’m coming to your place tonight.

  With that, Dipper put his phone away in his pocket grabbing his shoes, turning off the light and shutting his room door. As Dipper opened his room window, he started to wonder how he was going to get to the Misery’s house. He didn’t even know where the blonde lived. Though, he did know that the Misery had to live in their own area with the others. It was a requirement after all. Either that or live in the streets as he heard.

  Guess I’ll start there and work my way around. Dipper thought before he almost slipped off the roof. “OH SH-” he stopped himself gathered his stance and climbed his way down safely.

  “Note to self. Never lose train of thought while climbing out the window in a two floor house. How the hell does he even do that?” Dipper huffed moving a hand through his hair before looking up at his room window still open all in its glory. Wait. Was he really doing this? Running away from home for a night to check on a Misery? Risky? Yes. Wrong for him? Probably if it were his dad talking to him. The brunette shrugged to himself. He turned to face the street.

  “Well Dipper here you go. first time just leaving home for a night. Going to break a rule by your dad. Yeah it’ll be risky. May chew your ass out by the time you get home or your Great-Uncle will. Hah. Fuck it.” Dipper took in a deep breath and snuck across the front yard of his house; jumped the fence lining the front of his front yard. And started walking.

  But boy did he already have a smile on his face.

  When he started seeing run down buildings and men not much older than himself giving him side-eyes, he knew he’d reached the Misery part of town. It wasn’t really appealing but it held up to what the Misery part of town was. Or how Richies described it. Usually they’d describe it as revolting or unsanitary or poor conditions. Some called them pigs or undesirables. There was a lot of ways Richies would describe the Misery part of town. Dipper only had a thought in mind about the area around him.  It was a sad sight and honestly frightening to him. Most of it was rundown apartment buildings, and homes. Some of the said people stood around barrels that seemed to have some fire living inside burning newspaper and what not. Talking among each other or giving the brunette glares and side-eyes.

   If you looked at one of the men standing with his group-and the brunette-at this time, you would definitely tell who was higher class. For one for example had cleaner and neater clothes while the others wore what they had. Dipper tried not to make eye contact with the few giving him side-eyes and glares. Knowing that if he did they might not respond too happily. Dipper recalled some news floating around to walk with at least a group of friends before walking down a street on the Misery side of town. Although both sides always are at each other’s throats always. Either way, if a Misery crossed through the Richie part of town Richies would ambush them. If a Richie crossed through a street on the Misery part of town, they’d be ambushed brutally.

   Dippers hands started getting sweaty as he kept his gaze low from the others. Feeling eyes all around him looking in his direction. As if he were standing on the stage in Drama class in front of everybody and reciting his part of the script to “West Side Story” or, “Romeo and Juliet.” Whatever they would do for theater class.  

   It’s okay Dipper, you can do this. You can find his house at least find it before you end up stuck in the streets or worse.

  They won’t do anything. Remember to punch and run if someone tries to beat you up until you’re on the brink of going stiff.

  Don’t make eye contact. Don’t talk. Stay focused you’ll be fine.

  God how wished he was invisible now.  Dipper wished he wouldn’t get stared at so much because of his high social class. He wished that everyone would just mind their business and not worry about a kid walking down the street to only check on a friend of his. Friend? Friend yes. Bill was his friend. He was doing this for Bill.

  ` I’m going to check on Bill. I’m going to see him. I’m gonna make sure his stupid ass is still alive. Fuck, this guy is- Dipper’s thoughts were interrupted when a hand fell on his shoulder, causing him to jump. The hand turned him to face a strange female.

  “Hiya, you look lost, friend. Do you want directions?” she said. Dipper nodded, tripping over his words, “Yeah, actually. Uh, do you know where, um, where Bill Cipher lives?”

  The woman pulled back and covered her mouth. She stared at him, wide-eyed, for a few moments before her hands fell away to reveal a huge grin, “So you’re the Richie that triangle won’t shut up about. I guess he was right when he said you had a nice face.”

  Dipper blinked as the pink haired woman finished her sentence quickly feeling some heat pool on his cheeks.

  “Y-Yeah.” The pink haired lady threw an arm around the brunette laughing. “Awh~! Just as shy as I heard! Don’t worry Richie’ I won’t hurt ya!” She chirped, glancing quickly behind them for a quick moment before looking back at him with a smile before moving away and holding her hand out.

  “Well, I may have heard about you from Cipher but I don’t really think we’ve met.  My name’s Pyronica. Close friend of Bill’s” She snorted. “It’s nice to meetcha’ Richie. And you are?”

  Dipper slowly shook the female’s hand. “D-Dipper- My name is Dipper.” He cursed at himself for stumbling on his words again. “It’s- nice to meet you to Pyronica-”  

  Pyronica slung her arm around the brunette once more with a snort. “I can tell we’re gonna get along fine.”

  “So~! You’re looking for triangles house?” Dipper nodded almost too quickly.

  “I’d be glad to take ya over! Let’s go before one of us ends up in a coop yeah?” Pyronica joked as she started walking; motioning the brunette to follow.

  “I- yeah- thanks- “

  They walked in relative silence, occasionally receiving looks. No one tried anything though; it seemed like everyone they passed was afraid of Pyronica. Dipper was confused, but he decided not to ask about it. The pink-haired woman led him through a maze of streets until they reached a building that seemed pretty new. She stopped and pointed at the alley next to it, “Go down there and in the first door on your left. Wait until I knock five times. No matter what you do, do not open that door.”

  “Why?” Dipper asked, turning to look at her. She pulled a strangely-shaped gun out of her boot and shot him a glare, “Just do it, Richie.”

  The teen was scared at the fire in her eyes and rushed to obey her. Before he closed the door, Dipper looked back at her and saw fire. He gasped and pulled the door shut, locking it behind himself. The teen leaned against the door, taking a few deep breathes. Then, someone pressed up against his back and he screamed.

  “Holy fu- Jesus christ kid it’s just me! Kid it’s just me!” A familiar voice chuckled. Moving their hands up in protest making sure that the smaller brunette won’t try to swing at him.

  Dipper took in a deep breath and turned around meeting the smirking face of Bill Cipher.

  “Fuck- Don’t do that shit again- christ-” The brunette huffed. God he wanted to punch Bill. God he wanted to. But he almost wanted to kiss this fucker at the same time. On the cheek, that’s not gay. Really, he was just glad that the asshole was okay.

  “Can’t promise that~!” Bill chirped, poking Dipper’s  nose. “Boop~!”

  God you’re such a 12 year old. Dipper snorted. “Guess so-”

  “You know so, totally straight friend who looks like he wants to kiss me right now.”

  Dipper tensed up and Bill laughed, “Calm down, Pinetree, you look like you’re gonna faint on me. I’m not really into Sleeping Beauty type stuff, kiddo. I hope you aren’t, because that’s really weird and you should probably see someone if that’s what gets you off.”

  “Why are you so weird? Why do I want to be friends with you? Both of these questions have the same answer,” the teen paused for a moment for dramatic effect, “I have absolutely no idea.”

  Bill chuckled and five knocks sounded out. The Misery called out, “Y’know, you really should start doing something special with your signal. Also, thanks for taking care of those guys out there. I would’ve done it myself, but I left my gun at the party last night.”

  “First off, fuck you. Second off, I was coming to give it to you when I ran into a Richie who said he was looking for ya. He’s that one you’ve been talking about that has a nice dick, right? One that you just wanted to put in your ass, but he wasn’t horny or gay enough, so you-”

  “That’s enough, Pyronica,” Bill said, blushing scarlet. Dipper decided it was really cute, especially in the dim light of the closet. The door suddenly opened and Bill’s friend was grinning. The two men shuffled out of the closet. But, then they stood awkwardly in the alley, neither of them saying anything. Pyronica kept looking back and forth between them. Dipper cleared his throat, “I’m just gonna say, I was really worried about you, Bill. I’m sorry for making you leave like that and I don’t wanna pressure you, but if you ever want to talk to anyone about what happened back then, I’ll always be here.”

  Bill seemed to tense, “I’m fine pinetree, you were just upset I getcha’. But I’m fine.” He chuckled.

  Dipper looked down, “Is it okay if I say I don’t believe that? Like, at all.”

  “Is it okay to say that I am fine and I’m not really lying about it?”

  “Bill, my great uncle is Stanley and my great grandparents were basically con artists. I can see right through you and I don’t think you’re okay at all.”

  The blonde quirked an eyebrow. “Pinetree, I’m telling you I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry about.”

  Dipper sighed and looked Bill in the eye. He stared for a few minutes, then sighed and went to leave.

  “Pinetree.”

  “I really don’t wanna trust you here. You’ve given me no reason for me to trust you at all. But, I’m gonna take a chance. I trust you to go find help when you need it, but until then, you have my number.”

  “Pinetree, I appreciate you worrying and all. But, to put that aside. I really don’t think you should be walking out in the streets alone. Would you like to y’know uh..” Bill scratched the back of his neck. “Stay the night and all?”

  “Bill, I think I can make it back home. Besides, my sister will either kill me or assume I fucked someone if I’m not in my bed when she wakes me up tomorrow.”

  “Then I can walk you home. Pinetree the streets here are dangerous as hell. Let alone if you leave they’ll remember you when you come back.”  

  Pyronica stepped forward, “Hey, triangle, I dunno if you remember, but I literally just chased off a bunch of guys looking to murder either you or the Richie. You oughta stay here and I’ll walk the Richie home. I’ll also tell Hectorgon to come over with Xanthar to keep you safe, okay?”

  Bill nodded, “Yeah, that’ll be best.” He took a long look at Dipper. “Guess I’ll see you around then Pinetree.”

  “See ya Bill.” With that they left the room leaving Bill in silence.

[the-geeky-squirrel]

Little Thing

Hey guys, I don’t do posts like this often, but this is really important to me. My spiritual twin @cosmictrianglelife​ and I have been working on  a fanfiction called Parties, Formal Meetings & Pinetrees. It’s a Gravity Falls AU and honestly not our best work, but we’ve been putting a lot of effort into it and it would mean a lot to me if you guys checked it out. It’s got five chapters right now, all of which are 6,000-12,000 words.

So, if you like slow-burn Billdip fics that are updated either once a month or once every six months, find it at @ppandfm​ or find it on AO3!

[ppandfm]

Parties, Formal Meetings and Pinetrees   Chapter: 4

Description:  Two gay men, a protective grunkle, and a bottle of whiskey all appear in this chapter.

After Dipper called out to whoever was at his room door it opened revealing a certain great-uncle of theirs. Ford standing there nerdy and proud with a grin on his face as he put his suitcases down by the room doorway. Dipper about forgot that their great-uncle was going to be staying for a few days to visit. Mabel about tackled him though with one of her bear hugs.

   “Great-Uncle Ford!!” Mabel practically cried out when she tackle hugged him. “Oh my gosh it’s so good to see you!”

   Ford laughed as he hugged his niece, “It’s great to see you as well, Mabel! How did that sweater you were telling me about turn out?”

   “It looked amazing, Great Uncle Ford. I wish I could’ve shown it to you in person, but I gave it to my friend Pacifica.”

   “You mean your crush, Mabes. Hey, Great Uncle Ford, how have you been?” Dipper said as he stood up to shake his relative’s hand. Ford took the hand and pulled him into a hug. His great uncle pulled away to look at his nephew and niece.

   “I’ve been doing fine. Stan just got over a cold, though, so he wasn’t able to come. Now, what’s this about a crush, Mabel? I thought you were dating that Mermando guy.”

   Mabel rolled her eyes, “First off, we went on one date. Second, it turned out he’s supposed to marry some duchess in Europe, so we decided to just be friends. Finally, Pacifica is a good friend of mine and she’s really pretty and I feel really warm inside when I think about her and I’m kinda sorta not really totally in love with her.”

   Dipper and Ford chuckled together at the girl’s lovesick look. Mabel shook her head and grabbed her great uncle’s bags, “Anyway, I’m gonna put these in your room so you can talk to Dipper. He needs some advice about coming out. You’ll thank me for this later, bye!”

   Dipper cursed his sister under his breath and sat down on the bed. He felt a dip next to him and a six-fingered hand on his back. The room was silent for a few minutes before Ford spoke, “So you are queer. I guess I owe Stan ten dollars. But, what’s this about coming out? I thought your parents weren’t really okay with all this queer business.”

   “It’s just a joke Mabel made. Also, I can’t believe you and Stan bet on my own gayness behind my back. I’m not really gay. I still like girls. I mean, all that business with Wendy wouldn’t really make sense if I were gay, would it? So, no, not gay. But, maybe I’m a little bisexual. I don’t know.”

    Ford rubbed for a moment, then asked a question, “Why is she bringing all this up now? It doesn’t really make sense unless you’ve just now met someone.”

   “Well…” Dipper trailed off. Ford cocked an eyebrow at his nephew, “Have you met someone, Dipper?”

   Dipper blushed slightly and cleared his throat, “Well, yeah, kinda. But, not in that way.”

   Ford chuckled and looked at his hands, “I said the same thing once. Then he asked me on a date. I still remember how heartbroken he looked when I rejected him. By the time I’d figured it out, he was already married and had a son. Point is, you ought to kiss your new man now.”

   Dipper’s blush worsened just as his phone buzzed. Ford snatched it up before his nephew could get to it and looked at the screen, “Based on this text, this fellow you’ve met is a decent man. Tell me when you’re thinking about asking him on a date so Mabel and I can properly prepare ourselves to give him the talk.”

   “Great Uncle Ford, I’m not like that,” Dipper said before taking his phone back and reading the text.

   Ash: Hey, hope you’re having a good night.

   “Wendy is Ash in my phone. It’s a movie reference.”

   “Whatever you say sir dippington.” Mabel quipped as she wriggled her eyebrows earning a glare from Dipper. “Okay okay but what about Bill? Wait, is that his name?”

    Dipper shifted in his spot.

   “Mabel- he’s just a friend-” Mabel chimed in. “A boyfriend.”

   “Mabel oh my god” Dipper about facepalmed when Ford quirked an eyebrow.

   “Okay- okay jesus. So I only met him a few nights ago and he gave me his number. We’ve been texting. I was only trying to figure out- figure out-” Dipper trailed off. Specifically he didn’t want them to know the other just snuck into his room because of a party he called the cops on. Not a good idea.

   “Figure out what?” Dipper was taken out of his trailing thoughts. “Trying to just y’know get to know him.”

   “That’s not what I was seeing before Dipper” Mabel grinned.

   “Mabel, I’m not going to date him because I’m not a queer. You might be and Ford might be ace, but that doesn’t mean I’m gay too.”

   “But I am not just asexual,” Ford chimed in. Dipper rolled his eyes as Mabel stood up and said dramatically, “You’re not?

   “No, my dearest niece. I am biromantic!!” Their overdramatic uncle shouted. Mabel fake fainted. Dipper face palmed at the horrible things happening in his room. When his uncle and sister began laughing their asses off, he got up and pushed them towards the door. The two continued laughing as they left the bedroom. Dipper huffed and sat down to do homework because that’s a thing he’s been trying to do for like an hour now.

   Meanwhile, in an undisclosed location, a certain triangle turned human was chugging diet coke and popping mentos into his mouth at the same time to impress a random guy he thought was cute. Weirdly enough, this guy looked almost exactly like a certain plant man he knew.

   “Bill, you’re fucking stupid. This is going to end in disaster,” Pyronica said. Bill flipped her off as foam began rushing out of his mouth in a disgusting way. The guy he was trying to impress gave him a look and moved away. Pyronica laughed at her friend as he almost choked on all the foam, “He’s gone, man. I guess you’ll just have to make a stupid mistake and call that kid you met the other day.”

   As soon as Bill caught his breath, he shot a glare at her, “Are you kidding me? I’m not nearly drunk enough for that. Hand me a vodka, then I might call him.”

   Without a word, Pacifire handed him the requested drink. The triangle guy pulled out his phone and began pouring the drink down his throat.  

   Bill: Dippppppppahhhhhhhh

   Dipper: Wtf

              What do you want?

    Bill: To tallllkkkbdhhch

    Dipper: Tf is wrong with you?

                Why are you typing all weird?

     Bill: Vvodka

    Dipper: I can’t believe you. Go get sober, then talk to me.

    Bill: N o

         Oooooo

        Oooooooo

   He looked around himself and realized all his friends were gone. He was surrounded by strangers, with a few of them looking like they wanted to kick someone’s ass. Bill quickly decided he didn’t want to be that someone. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey and got the fuck out of there. Once in the cool evening air, he started texting Pinetree again.

     Bill: Hahhhhhhhhh

          Cant socialize

         I donvt wanna get sobbah

     Dipper: Please? For me?

     Bill: Ppppinnnneeevvtrreeee

     Dipper: Wtf is even up with that nickname?

    Bill looked up, noticing a lack of natural light. The sun had gone down and the streets were dark, save for the few working streetlights. He quickly decided that since it was too far to walk to his own home, he’d go crash at Dipper’s again. He turned on the street leading to the Richie part of town and picked up his pace.

    Bill: Because your fvannel smells like pinetrees

    Dipper: That’s where my fucking flannel went.

               You jackass

     Bill: You didn’t objeext

     Dipper: Fuck u

               I was busy trying to get you out of my room for half the night.

     The man laughed out loud. He took a gulp of whiskey, loving the burn in his throat.

     Bill: Hhshshshhshshhs

          Youuuuuuuu

        Didn’t ttttt

      Noticeeessssssssss

     Dipper: I’m blocking you

    Bill finally reached his destination and jumped the fence as quietly as his drunk ass could. He started climbing a tree he thought led to Dipper’s window, but too late realised the room belonged to someone else. Instead, an older man was sitting on the bed, talking to someone on the phone. He seemed oddly familiar to the triangle man, but Bill couldn’t put his finger on it. A twig snapped underneath his foot and the man stopped talking. Bill scampered up the tree and climbed onto the roof. He pulled his phone out again to reply to his Pinetree’s texts.

      Bill: nnnnOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

     Dipper: I won’t if you don’t climb in my window again. My uncle is here now and he’ll

                actually beat the shit out of you.

     Bill: Okkkkkkaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy

          Wwwaaiittt who ddau

     Dipper: My Great Uncle Ford.

               He lives up in Oregon and is pretty much the reason for my lifestyle.

    Bill froze in his spot when he heard the window below him open. He could do nothing but stare at his phone screen. As the window closed again, Bill suddenly realised something.

      Bill: Wwait

           Wait wait wait

         Hold the phonbah

      Dipper: What?

      Bill: He got six fingwts oon esch hanndd?

     Dipper: Yeah?

     Bill clamped a hand over his mouth to keep from getting too loud. Sixer had almost caught him. And this freaking kid was that man’s nephew.

      Bill: you mean

           SIXER

         You’re relatedddd

        To

       SIXER

     Dipper: How the fuck do you know my uncle?

     Bill: I know

          LOTS

        Of people

      And lost of things.

     Dipper: Okay

               That’s not creepy as fuck

     Bill: I know them usually through deals, business, parties or just running into them in

          the past and all that xhit

        Sixerrr

      That’s a longfgg

     Story

    Dipper: Maybe you can tell it to me sometime

    Bill: Maybe now

        Im already on your vroff

     Sooooo

    Dipper: How the fuck…

              I don’t care

           Just get in here

     Bill: Life

         That’s how

       nO YOU SHOULD

     I fought a bIGGASSBIRD

   tO SIT UP HERE

    He couldn’t tell the truth about almost getting caught. A little lie wouldn’t hurt him.

    Dipper: How am I supposed to get on my roof?

              How dod you get on my roof?

           *did

    Bill: IiiiIIII

        Lend you a hannddd

      I used your biggass tree

    Dipper: The oak tree?

              Just give me a hand.

     Bill: Ye

         Okayyyyy

    Bill shoved his phone in his pocket and carefully moved so he could see the back side of the house. A window to his right opened and a head of brown hair poked out. A chuckle escaped the drunk man as he moved so he was over the window. The kid began climbing out. Then, he slipped. Bill reached down easily and caught the kid before he fell. He dragged him onto his lap.

    “Pinetree, I missed you.”

    The kid scoffed, but gave Bill a hug anyway, “It’s been less than a week, Bill. Let me go.”

    “Aw, c’mon, don’t be like that. I know you missed me too, kid,” Bill whispered into Dipper’s ear. Dipper’s breath hitched slightly. He pushed on Bill’s chest and let out a sigh when he was released. The duo sat together and looked up at the sky for a few awkward moments. Then, Bill realised he still had the bottle of whiskey in his grip.

    “Hey, kid, want a drink?”

    Dipper eyed the bottle suspiciously, but nodded anyway. Bill handed him the bottle and the kid took a swig. He coughed after swallowing it, “God- fuck- that shit is strong-”

    Dipper cringed a little after handing the drink back. Bill snorted when he cringed, taking another swig of his drink waving his hand around for a moment after trying not to fall on his back.  “Don’t laugh- how the hell do you even drink this stuff?”

    Bill chuckled, “That’s my secret kid.”

    “Bullshit” Dipper snorted. “The best bullshit I’ve ever heard was the time a guy I know named Jason talked about sleeping with his best friends girlfriend. And that was a harsh punch to his friendship before he realized it was a shitty joke.”

     “Oh yeah?” Bill looked at the brunette and quirked an eyebrow. “The best bullshit I heard was when Johnny DiMaggio and his boys down the road from my house got high and crashed a car in the police station and managed to get away from it with his boys. The trio doesn’t even smoke weed and you can tell.”

    Dipper waved it off with a snort but covered his mouth. “Oh my god why am I even laughing-”  

    Dipper motioned for the whiskey and Bill gave him the bottle.

    Bill elbowed the other wriggling his eyebrows with a chuckle. “What? You feeling them Misery vibes Richie’? I find it kind of funny that a good boy like you would even want a drink.”

    Dipper about choked on the whiskey before handing it back quickly to the drunk blonde. “Christ- don’t ever call me a good boy again jesus-”  

    Bill laughed, “Does that mean you’ve done something naughty, Pinetree? I wonder what you’ve done to piss off authority figures.”

    “I stole my sister’s ex-boyfriend’s car and crashed it into a tree. It put me in the hospital with two broken ribs and a concussion for a week. It was so worth it, though. That guy’s a major asshole.”

    Bill about choked on his drink. He looked over at Dipper in surprise. “Holy fuck really?”

    The blonde covered his mouth snorting at the other. “Oh my god.”

    Dipper smiled, then looked up at the cloudy night sky. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, passing the bottle and looking at the stars. Bill eventually whispered, “What do you think when you look at the stars, Pinetree?’

    Dipper thought for a moment before answering, “I think about home. The night sky makes me feel at home.”

    Bill chuckled at his friend’s response, “That’s so cheesy.”

    The teen scoffed, “Really? And what does the great Bill Cipher think when he looks at the stars?”

    “How small we really are. Compared to the universe, we’re just two tiny little specks.”

    “Isn’t that good? I mean, look around you. We’re all a part of something. Whatever universal force is out there, it specifically made this entire universe so we could be alive and be on this roof right now. Isn’t that amazing, Bill?”

    Bill stared at Dipper for a few moments, then took a sip of whiskey, “Do you always think this deeply, kid?”

    “No, not usually. I think the whiskey is starting to get to me. I’m gonna have to be careful getting back down.”

    Bill chuckled, “You’re so adorable, kid. I’ll help you out and probably stay the night again. I promise to leave before morning.”

    Dipper stared at Bill, then began laughing, “You think I want you to leave? No way, Cipher. You can stay all morning for all I care. I don’t give a damn.”

    “Really? You sure about that, Dipper?” Bill asked, one eyebrow cocked. Dipper simply nodded. “Yeah I mean it’s not like you haven’t before.”

    The brunette stated as he looked at the stars above them. “So why the hell not?”

    Bill gave Dipper a long look before grinning drunk pinetree was full of surprises. Bill leaned over and ruffled the brunettes hair. “Alrighty then Pinetree~!”

    The blonde snorted when Dipper moved the blonde’s hand from his hair with a glare.

    “Bill don’t do that again-”

    The blonde pouted, “Awh but Pinetree!” Bill whined in which Dipper snorted.

    “Nope. Not again.” Bill laid back with a small whine and stared up at the stars.

    “Okay Princess” The blonde huffed. After a few hours of laughter, tired gazes upon the stars above and talking about trippy things. The two lazily and carefully made their way back into Dippers room settling for the night.

[ppandfm]

Parties, Formal Meetings & Pinetrees   Chapter: 3

Description:  Dipper texts his new boytoy and Everyone is Gay. 

After school that day, Dipper grabbed some chips and went up to his room. Instead of doing his homework like he’d usually do, he flopped onto his bed and pulled out his phone. The note from Bill fell out of his pocket as he did. He looked at it and thought about the strange Misery. He was so weird, but in a charming way.

Fuck it, he thought as he typed the number into his phone and sent out a quick text.

Dipper: Hey it’s Dipper from last night. You gave me your number and I’d like to know why.  

Bill was hanging out with his friends when his phone buzzed. He glanced at it for a second, then did a double take and almost screamed.

Bill: oh-

oH

Hey-

Dipper: Are you okay? If you’re busy right now, we could talk later.

Bill: No I’m okay. I’m not busy~

Dipper: Oh, okay. Well, may I get an answer to my question?

Bill: WELL~

Maybe.

    Dipper tilted his head as he squinted at the messages he just received. What did he mean by maybe? Can’t he just answer his question? Dipper typed again quickly this time as he bit his lip. He wanted an answer.

Dipper: Just tell me why you want to talk to Mr.

Dipper paused, almost smacking his forehead in frustration. He had typed way too quick for his own good.

Dipper: *me  

          Sorry.

Bill chuckled at this kid’s apparent need to correct his own typos. Pyronica glanced over at him.

Bill: Maybe it was because I was curious~

Hah don’t type too fast~

   “Yo Bro Bro!” Mabel  opened the door wide with a grin on her face as she walked in her brother’s room in which Dipper nearly dropped his phone in result. “J-Jeez Mabel knock next time-” Dipper stuttered as he quickly put his phone away and turned to his happy sister.

   “What are you doing?” Mabel raised an eyebrow looking curiously at her brother. She did notice that he had quickly turned off the screen of his phone and turned it over in his lap. She shrugged though dismissing it. “Nevermind you don’t have to tell me-”

     She grinned as she placed her hand on her brother’s shoulder before talking as if it were either A: the end of the world or B: preaching and he knew how she gets on her preaching moments. “Dipper Pines I have something very important to tell you like so important it would put those conspiracies or whatever you listen to in its place. And I mean it is VERY. Important bro bro. I mean it.”

     Mabel made sure to make eye contact with the nervous dip. He didn’t want his phone to vibrate and have to deal with Mabel questioning who he’s texting. Let alone find out that he was talking to a misery. “What do you want Mabel?” Dipper looked up at her biting his bottom lip a little as he removed his hand off his phone making sure the other doesn’t see how suspiciously sneaky he’s being at the moment.

    “Well~! Remember Pacifica Northwest. You know the girl who picked on me at one point when we were twelve. Yeah you remember! Because we were at a formal meeting with Dad at her house.” Mabel patted Dipper's’ shoulder as she talked. Hoping to give Dipper a clear view of who she was talking about. The name however was all he needed to get an image of the blonde in his head.

    He had a clear enough image in his head, remembering how she hurt Mabel’s feelings that one time because she said one of her dresses was too silly and had too much color. He didn’t like Pacifica’s ego and her in general from there. Though he didn’t get himself to hate her. But anyone who messes with his sister isn’t a good person in his book. Then he remember now, that she was less mean to his sister. Occasionally talking every now and then. He pressed on the subject though, intending not to overthink everything at this moment.

    He also needed to get back with talking to the strange misery, and his homework. “Yeah, what about her? Is she bothering you again?” Dipper pressed a little on the last part. His protective brotherly instincts kicking in right then and there. Mabel seemed to laugh a little at that though which caught him off guard. No he wasn’t surprised, he wasn’t shocked but he was happy to know she was being treated nice.

   “No! No no no Dipper!” She laughed. “Well--” Mabel bit into the inside of her cheek. “First I want you to make a brotherly promise!”

   “Mabel wh-”  

   “No no!” She stopped him right then and there before he could speak.

   “Don’t ask. No questions. Just promise me you won’t flip out, or lecture me or get mad okay?”  Dipper sighed and leaned back a little in his chair before putting his right hand on his chest. “I promise with my awesome-- brotherly power that I won’t get mad-- I won’t lecture you or flip out about what you have to tell me.” Dipper flushed a little as he finished greeted by the dorky smile of his sister.  

   “Good! Okay so- Uhm”

   She stepped back as she spoke and started  playing with the sides of her sweater a little as she looked to her feet.  Dipper raised an eyebrow expectantly.  

   “Uhm--”  She looked up, closed her eyes and spoke quickly.

   “So I may or may not be getting a GIANT SUPER MEGA CRUSH ON PACIFICA--”  

   “WH-” Dipper about jumped out of his seat when he heard this. Mabel however, blushed even more and placed her hand over Dipper’s mouth quickly.

   “Dipper no-” She quickly drew her hand away making a sound of disgust because Dipper had licked the palm of Mabels hand.  “Mabel-- Really Pacifica???? I can’t believe you!”

   “Dipper just hush for a moment and listen!”

   “Mabel you know how she treated you back then, what if she starts again?” Dipper spoke with some concern in his voice. He was beginning to overthink it and he didn’t know if he could trust Pacifica or not and with that Mabel had enough.  

   “Dipper!!! You brotherly promised!!!” Mabel poked the brunette’s chest. “Look I get it, you don’t like her because of how mean she was to the both of us back when we were twelve! I get it! I just-- can’t help it okay! I know you care about me and about how people treat me. But I can take care of myself. I just wanted to tell you because right now I don’t know who to tell about it. Since our parents would absolutely FLIP if they found out. You and I both know this!”  Mabel glared at her brother a little but seemed a little hurt from his precious protest.

    Mabel looked down to the floor again biting her lip a little as she looked back up at dipper brushing some of her hair from her face.  Dipper hugged her though really tight. He felt guilty though. Really guilty. He knows they’ll have to talk more about this later- but for now he understood what was going on with Mabel currently.

    “Mabel- I’m sorry. For not listening. I should have given you a moment to explain. Thank you for telling me this-- I’ll help in any way I can. Okay?”  Mabel moved back and lightly punched dipper’s shoulder. “Yeah, dumb dumb- thank you-- you’re the best.”  Dipper soon sat back down and grabs his phone from his pocket and began to text the misery back hoping he didn’t leave.

Dipper: Sorry, my sister was in the room.

Dipper took notice of the first text though. Curious? Of him? This Misery was strange.

Dipper: I thought you said I was like any other Richie.

Bill had been nervous that Dipper didn’t want to text him anymore for a few minutes. When his phone chimed, he didn’t notice his friend’s conversation die down as he texted Dipper back.

Bill: You are~ I’m just curious, Richie’

You taking pride into it~?

Dipper blushed when he saw the message. No he wasn’t taking pride into it. He quickly typed back as he bit the inside of his cheek.

Dipper: Ugh, you’re impossible.

Bill: That’s one way to describe me~ Why thank you~

I’m flattered.

Dipper rolled his eyes. This Misery was so full of himself.

Dipper: Miseries are so weird.

Bill grinned at his phone, unaware of the people looking over his shoulder to find out what was going on.

Bill: Richies are the strangest.

Dipper decided that he was done. He needed an answer anyways and he was intending to get it now, no funny business.  

Dipper: Why’d you climb in my window anyways? My parents left their window open too and they’re out of town right now, so you wouldn’t have gotten caught.

Dip brought his phone over to his desk and started on his homework. It couldn’t wait forever and he had a GPA to maintain.

Meanwhile, Bill was still oblivious to the people trying to figure out who Dipper was.

Bill: Hah~ Well I was just trying to get away from the feds. Y’know, they crash parties

Your open window just so happened to be the first thing I saw~

Dipper: Yeah, that was my fault.

Bill was surprised to read that. He wanted to be pissed off, but just couldn’t find it in himself to hate Dipper for some reason. 8-Ball went to make popcorn for everyone.

Bill: Really???

         Dipper set his pencil down once again having accomplished a few problems before picking up his phone and reading the text. He wanted to take pride into it. Since he technically spared another poor neighbor’s nice house down the road of being trashed. But he felt guilty for it. He couldn’t understand why.

Dipper: I’m nit sorry.

He cursed again at his misspelling. He really needed to work on slowing his typing down. He was way too used to texting.

Dipper: *Not

Dipper: Shit sorry.

Bill: Ughhhh that took SO much planning.

But it made it fun~

You’d be surprised what drunks do when the feds crash in.

Fuckin’ dumbasses-

Dipper couldn’t help but laugh a little at that statement. He wasn’t really wrong though, people do the weirdest things while intoxicated.

Dipper: You’re really weird, you know.

Bill: I’m weird and I’m proud~

But enough about me. I’ve answered two questions. So. You have to pay your debt~ You’re not the only one with questions hah.

Dipper squinted as he read the response before rolling his eyes and typing his answer.

Dipper: Fine, ask your questions.

Bill had got up after sending his last text to use the bathroom. Teeth picked up his phone and sent the next few texts.

Bill: Is that really your name~?

I’m not meaning to be rude. That’s a really unique name.

Being named after the Ursa Major. The constellation.

      Flushed a bit more; Dip took a deep breath and leaned back holding his phone as he read the texts. He was confused. The Misery was now flirting? Well giving flattery. He couldn’t deny that he was flattered by the comment and filled with pride but he still didn’t understand the Misery. They were all like this, weren’t they? That’s what he was told anyways. He puffed his cheeks thinking for a moment before finally answering.

Dipper: What, Dipper? No, it’s not the name on my birth certificate.

I- don’t like telling people that.

       Teeth was about to answer when the phone was yanked out of his grasp by its owner. Bill pushed him out of the chair and texted Dipper back. 8-Ball returned and handed the first bowl to Pyronica. The second was given to Teeth after 8-Ball found out what he did.

Bill: I get it. You don’t have to if you don’t wanna.

Dipper quickly typed his response after finding a stopping point in his homework.

Dipper: Uh- Thanks for-- understanding.

Ask a different question?

Bill: Why did YOU text? Being a Richie and all. A Richie usually wouldn’t willingly answer~ let alone discard a number from one of us.

Dipper:   I don’t really know. I guess I was just bored and didn’t want to do homework.

Bill: Huh a Richie refusing school work. That’s a first~

Dipper: Not really. My sister always tries to dodge her homework, but I usually take away her glitter until it’s done.

Bill: Oh~!

So she’s an arts-n-crafts type?

Dipper: Actually, I’m pretty sure she just eats it. Neither of us know why she eats it.

    “Who ya texting, big man?” Keyhole asked hesitantly. Bill turned and was startled to find all of his friends right there. He looked back at his phone to see Dipper’s reply before he spoke to his friends, “A Richie kid I met the other night.”

    “Oh, so he did text you. What a weird kid,” Pyronica said, going back to ordering a shit ton of fireworks. 8-Ball came back again with a few more bowls of popcorn. Hectorgon quickly caught him up, snagging a bowl for himself.

Bill: That last bit isn’t really that strange.

Dipper: Really?

     “Hey, does anyone know if Jamie is still eating chalk?” he asked no one in particular. One of the eyeballs launched into a story about how the guy got his stupid ass arrested by stealing from Richies, which made the other Eyeballs laugh. Bill chuckled at the story, “Sounds like Jamie.”

Bill: A fellow down the road steals chalk. He snorts it and eats it.

He had no medical issues.

None.

Dipper: Are you sure it isn’t cocaine?

Bill: He got arrested twice for being caught at the mall with 16 bags of stolen chalk.

He loads the stuff and stores it. Trust me it’s not cocaine.

Dipper: Miseries are so weird.

Bill: Some of us are. Though some have reasons for what they do.

Dipper: What are yours?

Bill: That.

Will be shared another time.

Dipper: Oh, I get it

Bill: Nah, I’m just fucking with ya’~

Dipper: Ugh, miseries

Bill: I have my reasons.

I say live life to the fullest.

Dipper: I’m not even gonna ask.

Bill: Richies don’t get anything done for us anyways.

Dipper: Because being rich is hard and you Miseries just get in our way all the time.

Bill: So why bother? We don’t have jobs. And if we MANAGE jobs, we don’t get paid twenty bucks an hours. We’d be lucky to get a dime.

I know some of us aren’t right. But some of us

Well I guess you could say

Some of us try.

My group and I just so happen to be the former.

Dipper: So you aren’t a lone wolf

Bill: Nope~

Dipper: You kinda seemed like one.

Anyway, what do you even do?

Bill: I don’t have a job. Yeesh.

Well, kinda

Really all I do is plan the best parties in town.

I try giving Miseries a good time.

Dipper: Really? That’s it?

Bill: But what’s better than annoying Richies~? It worked on you~

What, did you think I was a cocaine dealer?

Dipper: I actually kinda thought you were a productive part of society.

Bill: One of my buddies does bring the stuff. He has his own source.

Hah.

How can we be a productive part of society when you Richies don’t have your act together?

Dipper: We have our shit together just fine, thank you very much

Bill: Kid you’re a riot

What do YOU know about Richies?

Educate me~

Dipper: The only problem with us is that Love God guy

And I’m not a kid!!

Bill: Hah he’s actually not that bad.

We let him sing at our parties sometimes.

Dipper: He’s horrible. His music makes no sense to me. I wish he were a Dreamer

Bill: Dreamers are actually pretty chill.

They try supporting us, tho they have their moments.

Dipper: Wow, I think our social classes actually have something in common there. We have a pretty good relationship with them too.

Bill: You should see what they bring to the big parties~

Dipper: They’re so strange

Ugh, I gotta go now. I’ll probably never talk to you again, so Ciao, Misery

Bill: Mmmm you’ll be back I bet.

Goodbye Richie���

       Dipper put down his phone and looked up. Mabel was still sitting on his bed, scrolling through her phone. She seemed to be texting someone. Dipper smirked, sitting on the bed behind her. He read her texts to Pacifica over her shoulder.

“Oh my god, you’re so gay, Mabes,” he said suddenly. His sister jumped and nearly hit him with her phone. He laughed anyways. Mabel glared at him, “What’s it to you, Mr. I’m-Bisexual-And-Everyone-Knows-It-But-Me?”

Dipper blushed and shoved her away. She started laughing, which made  him laugh, which just ended in the twins laughing together on Dipper’s bed. Someone knocked at the door. The twins sat up and tried to stifle their giggles as Dipper called out, “Come in!”

[ppandfm]

Parties, Formal Meetings & Pinetrees   Chapter: 2

Description: The day after the boys meet~! After a long night and all we get to see the daily lives of Dipper and Bill. With a special guest appearance of Pyronica!

    Dipper had been quietly pacing for almost a few minutes now. He was stuck thinking about that note he had just read not long ago. Suddenly, he heard a strange noise he identified as his body demanding food. After a moment’s rest, he decided to go get some breakfast. Dipper wasted no time going downstairs to get some food, taking the stairs two at a time in a slight rush. By the time he made it to the kitchen to get his breakfast, Mabel was already there eating three oranges.  Dipper, taking a deep breath, trotted over to the fridge to get some fruit himself. From the previous night, he was still pretty tired from that Misery’s unnecessary visit. Mabel probably wasn’t that upset about last night, which was a good thing. Though, he could never shake the thought of that note the Misery left behind. He was tempted after all to just throw it away and be done with it. Not even bother getting involved and continue on with his day.

But, there was something strange about that guy. He didn’t seem to hate Dipper, unlike any other Misery he’d ever met. All the rumors said Miseries would rob a rich person without thinking twice. So, why is it that Bill didn’t even try?

Maybe Miseries weren't as bad as everyone said they were.

Dipper shook his head. Of course Miseries are horrible. Bill never thought twice about how sleeping in the teen’s bed would affect Dipper. Hence, Dipper’s back was sore. He should get rid of the note; it would cause nothing but trouble.

But, then again, Bill was very pretty.

Dipper was still having an internal debate when Mabel handed him a lemon slice. He didn’t realize until he started sucking on it.

“Ptoo! Mabel!” he exclaimed. His devilish sister began to laugh. She didn’t stop until Dipper attempted to get her back by punching her shoulder. She brushed him off as her laughter died out.

“Aw, c’mon, bro bro. Let me have my fun.”

“Fine, as long as you prank someone else.”

“Okay. Hey, did you hear all that music last night? I think Love God is testing out some new music.”

“One, his name is Bill. Two, it was a party. I called the police on them.”

Dipper paused realizing what he said. Fuck, “Who’s Bill?” Mabel raised an eyebrow.

“Uh- uhm.”  

“Were you at the party last night?” Dipper cringed at the thought. Being at a party with those Miseries? He didn’t like the thought and what would his parents think of him?

“No Mabel I wasn’t.”  Mabel squinted as Dipper simply stated his answer. She smiled as another thought came to her head. Maybe there was something more about this ‘Bill’? She had to find out.  “Is he your secret boyfriend or something?”  

Dipper about choked on his fruit as he felt a blush creeping up on him. He tried to not focus so much on the thought, but he couldn’t stop himself. Him with a Misery? He only cringed more. That wouldn’t really work out. Right?  He shook his head dismissing it. No he wouldn’t...would he?

“Ew Mabel no-”

“I mean I don’t have a problem with you being gay bro bro.”

“Mabel please no-”

“I mean like there could be a chance, you may never know.”

“Mabel stop-”

“What’s the matter with dating a guy Dipper?” Mabel tilted her head as she continued, “You can tell me anything Dippin’ Dots.”

Mabel grinned before leaning over and giving Dipper a light shove. Dipper rolled his eyes huffing as he tried to compose himself once again. “There’s nothing going on between him and I-” Goddamn it there it went.

“So you DO know this Bill!” Mabel exclaimed as she poked her brother's’ cheek.

“N-No, no I don’t!” Dipper huffed again staring at his sister blushing a little more.  

Mabel laughed at her twin’s gayness, “Was he the reason you were cursing loudly last night?”

Dipper opened his mouth to retaliate, but he didn’t. Really, Mabel wasn’t wrong, although he wouldn’t admit that. He couldn’t deal with the teasing. He must have blushed; his twin started giggling.

“Oh my god, look at your face! You’re a tomato!” she exclaimed, not speaking again until her laughter had died out, “You’ve got a secret that I wanna know, but I’m not gonna pressure you into telling me because I’m a good sister and I love you. If you ever wanna tell me what this is, you know where to find me.”

Mabel punctuated her sentence with a kiss to her brother’s forehead. He smiled at her and gave her a hug, “I love you, Mabes. You’re the best.”

“I know. And you’re right. I am the best. I should run for president!”

Dipper laughed, patting her face, “Just don’t be like that Quentin Trembly guy down the street.”

The twins laughed together as they separated to get ready for the day. Dipper took a quick shower- which totally wasn’t a cold one because he’s not fucking gay- after which he went to his room. He thought about just not going to school that day, but his grunkle wouldn’t give him his inheritance if he didn’t graduate, so he pulled on his uniform. He grabbed his school books off of his desk, glancing at the note again. After another moment of thought, he stuffed it into his pocket and left for school.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fucking Peanuts. That’s what ended Bills beauty sleep. Well if you count sleeping until 1 in the fucking afternoon. After getting back to his house half an hour later from that Richie’s home. Bill took the time to sleep and endure his hangover. He wasn’t a morning person anyway. He sat up with a groan, “I swear to freakin’ triangles, if those are actual peanuts, I will cut your dick off.”

“Don’t have one, ya freak,” Pyronica said. Bill opened his eyes to glare at her, “Then I’ll murder you in cold blood if I have a reaction.”

Pyronica laughed and pointed at the bathroom, “Then I suggest you go take a shower or you’ll lose your pyrotechnic.”

The blonde groaned and made a mad dash to the bathroom. He heard Pyronica’s shrieks of laughter as he jumped in the shower and turned the hot water knob. Or what he thought was the hot water knob. He squeaked loudly when the ice cold water hit his face. But, he stayed under until he was certain that he wouldn’t have a bad reaction. Bill stepped out of the bathroom, sopping wet. His female friend handed him a towel without looking up from her phone, “Hope you enjoyed your shower. One of the Eyeballs spotted a Richie boy carrying a card with your number on it. Know anything about it?”

Bill smirked and started rubbing his hair, “His name is Dipper. I crawled into his bedroom last night while I was hiding out from the cops. He’s actually pretty cute, so I thought maybe I could get a taste of the forbidden fruit.”

Pyronica stopped texting and looked up at the blonde as she raised an eyebrow, “You gave a richie your number? That’s not like you Bill.” Pyronica clicked her tongue as she turned and left the bathroom taking a look at her phone as she finished the rest of the text.

“What? It’s something new, better than giving another one of us my number.” Bill pointed out as he followed after.

“Well I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. It’s just not like you. You usually just give someone either a fake number or if you’ve known them for a long time.” Pyronica sat down as she looked up at Bill. “So, what’s special?”

“I dunno. I just felt something, ya know?”

“Not really. God, you’re so gay.”

Bill laughed, “Yeah, I know. Now, if you don’t wanna see my schlong, I suggest getting out of my room.”

“Of course. You’re gonna be at the thing downtown today, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll see ya there. Out,” he said. Pyronica bowed mockingly and left the room. The blond man shed the flannel, tossing it in the corner of the room. After pulling on a new shirt and pair of pants, he looked at it.

“So, you are thinking about me. That’s hilarious. Talk to ya soon, Pinetree.”

Bill grabbed a tie and exited stage right.

[ppandfm]

Parties, Formal Meetings & Pinetrees    Chapter: 1

Description for the Chapter: Basically where it all began. Bills having the time of his life and Dipper’s sleep is getting ruined. What could go wrong?

He’s sitting at a desk in an unfamiliar room, pen in his hand. A piece of paper is sitting in front of him. It's covered in words. From what Dipper can gather, it’s a declaration of love to some guy named Bill. Wait, who’s Bill? What's going on? Where is this place? Is that music? What what what what what what-

Dipper shot up in his bed. Loud dance music was coming into his room from the open window opposite his bed. He flopped back down with a sigh and rubbed his face. Of course he was still in his room. He's a light sleeper; no one could move him without his notice. He laid there for a minute before getting up and moving to the window. Dipper moved the blinds aside, then closed them when exposed to bright flashing lights. The music seeming to stand out more once he reopened the blinds. He blinked a few times for a moment the lights beginning to make him slightly nauseous.

“What the fuck?” Dipper groaned as he wiped his eyes a little more to keep himself from getting anymore nauseous.

He decided to head down to the kitchen to grab a quick snack before abandoning his bedroom in favor of a nice, quiet guest room. On his way, he passed the land line. It took him a minute to realize this, but, when he did, he stopped in his tracks. Why sleep in a guest room if I can just get the police to shut down the party? he thought. So, he backtracked and picked up the receiver.

Bill was in the middle of another one of his amazing parties. Everything seemed to be going just accordingly, messy as usual. His buds really knew how to mess everything up to purposely annoy the rich people or as they called them ‘Richies’. Bill had done this intentionally though; he never knew that one of those rich families would just so happen leave to attend in one of those formal meetings this late at night. He took this chance as a perfect time to throw yet another fantastic party.

The only bad part about them was all the girls practically throwing themselves at him. He knew he was hot, but they're all the same. Pretty little things with little to no personality besides hating the rich. The boys that threw themselves at him were cute, though he didn't find any common interest in them. Bill had been chatting with one of those boys when the cry was heard. “COPS!”

He had two seconds of calm after that before everyone started running.

“Fuck” Bill growled to himself before taking a look at the wine filled glass he was drinking from. Bill looked to the door behind him and grinned, knowing time was running out and that this party was a bust. Hell, it was fun while it lasted. Bill lifted his hand holding the glass high and proud; grinning as he mockingly exclaimed, “Cheers~!” and took one last drink before tossing the glass on the ground and booking it. By then the police had started opening those front doors to get the remaining people in the house and end the party.

While others struggled to go out the back, some started to escape the house through windows. Some of them piled upstairs to find a place to hide, despite their drunken state. Someone started screaming ‘fuck the police’ and other useless profanities, trying to stick up to the police.

Frickin' morons, Bill thought as he crashed through a window and kept going, Get off of the property before you hide.

He looked around after jumping a couple fences for an open shed or… was that easily accessible window open?

“Really, Richie? That's just asking for trouble,” he said aloud as he began climbing up to it. After a minute of climbing since there was really no safe way to reach the window, he finally made it. Looking back to the moment and seeing some people getting packed into the police cars Bill took a moment to hope to fucking god his buddies got out. Since it wasn’t the very first time some of his friends were jailed and he had to ‘bail’ them out. He crawled his way into the room. His foot got stuck on the bottom part of the window sill and face planted on the cold wooden floor. “What the actual fuck?” Bill heard someone whisper. He looked up to find a cute brown-haired boy, who holding a glass of strawberry milk, standing in the doorway. A straw was lying at his feet.

“Well, hiya there~” Bill looked from the straw to the boy in front of him with a light smirk. Until, the boy tried to kick the blonde in the face and started flipping their shit.

“ Fuck! OW-” The blonde growled in pain but tried to move away from the boy who was basically trying to kick him. “What the fuck are you?! Who the fuck are you?! Get out of my room!”

“Whoa, whoa, ow, fuck, shit, stop and I'll explain, just fuck ow stop!!”

The kid stopped when he accidentally kicked the wall next to Bill. “Ow!” He whisper-yelled, hopping away. Bill sighed with relief until there was a knock.

“Dipper, what the hell?” a feminine voice said. Bill panicked and dived into the closest hiding place, which happened to be the closet. Funny, thought I'd just gotten out of this place, he thought to himself.

Dipper rubbed his foot wincing in pain a little as he looked over to the closet and squinting before turning to the door after hearing the voice. He hops over guiding himself with his right hand, trying not to lose balance as he hopped over to the door before finally reaching it and opening the door, removing his left hand from his foot. He wiggled his toes as he opened the door.

“Hey Mabel. Sorry, did I wake you?” Dipper's twin crossed her arms and looked at him over his glasses, “What do you think?”

This wasn't the first time he had woken his sister up at an ungodly hour, some were for the craziest reasons. But, it did annoy his sister to no end. This was the one thing he was trying to avoid. “Sorry.”

“What were you cursing at this time?” Dipper glanced at the closet that weird guy was hiding in. He thought about revealing the existence of that guy. But, against his better judgment, “I stubbed my toe on my desk.”

“Really? How did you even do that? Didn't we cover them with that soft shit after the last time?”

“Yeah, yeah, I don't know how I did it. You can go back to bed now, I promise not to curse out any more furniture.” Mabel looked like she wanted to say more, but yawned instead, “Fine. Night, Dipper.”

“Night, Mabel.”

Dipper looked back to the closet after he closed the door to his room and slowly walked over to the closet. He spoke up as he gripped the handles to his closet and opened the door. “Alright, I know you’re-”

The figure inside was holding one of his flannels. The man looked to him and grinned showing off the flannel as he put on the flannel slowly. “Jeez, kid you own a lot of these. You some kind of Canadian Richie’ or something?”

The other seemed to mock him somewhat with that shit-eating smirk. Dipper wished he could just wipe that shitty smile off his face. He took a deep breath and spoke in a quiet, and low serious tone. Dipper blushed, then cleared his throat and crossed his arms, “Why the fuck are you in my room?”

The blonde man crawled out of the closet and stood up. He brushed himself off as he spoke, “Well, I was at a party when the cops suddenly arrived and I bolted. Think I broke a window on my way out. I hopped a couple of fences before I saw your open window and decided to hide here until the fuzz left. I didn't realize that this was a Richie's room.”

Dipper scoffed, “Oh, you must be a Misery.”

The man stared at him. “A what?”

“A poor person. Like how your term 'Richie’ is slang for rich people, like myself.” Dipper made air quotes as he said that ridiculous word. The taller man rolled his eyes and pushed past Dipper. “Whatever, kid. You've got a nice room, so I think I'm gonna crash here for the night, okay?”

Dipper huffed angrily, “No way! I'm not letting a Misery like you sleep in my room! I don't even know your name.”

The man smiled once more, to his dismay wiping that baffled look on his face before turning away.

“The name's Bill. Bill Cipher,” the man said as he examined some pictures on Dipper's clipboard, “Say, you really like pine trees, dontcha’?”

The rich kid sighed, “No, those are pictures I took at my great uncle's. Seriously, you can't stay here.”

Bill glanced at Dipper, seeming amused, “How do you expect to kick me out? I'm definitely stronger than you, Pinetree.”

“I-I’ll scream,” the younger said. That damn Misery just chuckled and sat on Dipper's bed, “And what good do you think that'll do, kid? Just accept your fate and move on.”

The younger huffed as he looked at the now smirking blonde. He shoved the others hand away when the older male leaned over and tried patting him on the head.

In turn, the older grabbed him by the wrist and stood up. Sizing up to the other in an attempt to intimidate the other, and boy was it working.

“Admit it, you’re stuck with me for tonight, kid.~” the Misery purred lowly before letting Dipper’s wrist go. Dipper glared up at the other and rubbed his wrist before taking a moment to think about this. Should he just let the man stay the rest of the night? He couldn’t certainly trust a Misery like him. Sadly though as it seemed, this guy wasn’t going to leave until morning unless he called the police again. Dipper took a quick glance at his desk where he had his phone.

Bill followed that glance before looking back to the younger. “If you’re thinking about phoning the feds that won’t happen either, Richie’.”

Dipper glared at the Misery.

“Maybe I wasn’t planning on calling the police in the first place. Maybe I was only remembering that my phone is on my desk,” Dipper whispered in irritation. The other chuckled and got comfortable on the bed, “Whatever you say, Richie. Goodnight, sleep tight, try not to remember your meaningless existence, yada yada yada.”

Dipper’s mouth fell open. He just stood there for a minute before scoffing, “Shut up. You better be out of my house when I wake up or I will call the police.” Dipper didn't get a response. So, he sighed, pulled the blanket out from underneath his unwelcome guest, and got situated on the floor.

~ Timeskip ~

It was only about six in the morning by the time Bill had woken up. Though that didn’t mean he was still hit in the face by a hangover from drinking the previous night. His liver was young, strong, and only slightly used. After taking a moment to actually wake up and get over some pain, Bill was already up and quietly prowling through the youngster’s room. He quickly discovered and put on his shoes. After a moment of thought, he wrote a short note using a sticky note from the Richie's desk. He was about to jump out the window when a loud snore sounded.

Bill turned to where Dipper was sleeping. Then, he tiptoed over to watch. This richie is really cute, a part of Bill brain whispered. The rest was screaming at him to get out of there. But, he couldn't resist listening that that one little part. He stood up, went back to the note, and added to it before jumping out the window. Bill looked back up at the opening after his feet hit the earth. It was a pleasant day, so there was no chance of rain getting in.

“Thanks for letting me stay the night, richie,” Bill mumbled to no one. He strolled to the front gate of the fence and let himself out.

Dipper woke up about half an hour later with a stiff neck. He sat up and stretched, glancing at the clock. After confirming that it was seven forty-seven in the morning, he got up and looked at the bed. Guess the Misery left while I was sleeping, he thought, Good. The poor should stay where they belong. He walked over to his desk to record last night's events in his journal. But, a post-it note was waiting for him on his pencil holder.

Hope you slept well. Thanks for letting me stay the night. Bill P.S. You're kinda cute P.P.S. Especially when you sleep. P.P.P.S. Look at the back.

Dipper flipped the note to find a drawing of a turkey with the words 'Look! A Turkey!’ in it and a phone number beneath that. “What have I gotten myself into?” the teen murmured to himself as the sun painted the sky brilliant shades of orange outside his window.

[ppandfm]

Parties, Formal Meetings & Pinetrees  Chapter: 6

Description: The Chapter of Purple Dildos, Kidnappings, and Richies with Shit Weed.

Two weeks.

Two fucking weeks without a single text from Dipper.

Bill wasn’t exactly pissed, but he wasn’t exactly calm about it either. Really, he was just anxious. His henchmaniacs friends had noticed and tried to cheer him up, but nothing worked. He barely left his apartment lair. One day, Pyronica stormed into his house with Xanthar and hits him on the back of the head.

“Ow! What the hell, Ronnie?”

“You need to stop this. Go see him. I’ll hold down the fort.”

“I don’t even know if he wants to see me anymore. It’s been two weeks. What if he realised I’m the opposite of what he needs right now and deleted my number?”

“Oh my god, you’re hopeless. Go fuck his brains out. That’ll make him remember you.”

“Ronnie, this is serious.”

“You’re seriously bumming everyone out. Even Xanthar is feeling blue.”

Bill thought of the group’s precious dog and sighed, “Fine. I’ll go see him.”

Dipper didn’t think that his parents would be home by that night, as they were supposed to be home in four weeks. Yet here they were and everything was back to normal.

Well, except that one thing. That thing being Bill.

Now he had to keep his friend a secret and hide his phone more often from his parents to keep him from being caught. They’d kill him, bring him back from the dead, and then kill him again. Dipper ate his breakfast slowly in thought.

“So Mabel how was school yesterday?” Their mom looked over at Mabel with a sense of grace. Dipper knew where Mrs. Northwest was the Diamond of the rich community, their mother was the pearl. She was always wearing jewelry that made her shine and stand out from everyone else. Her beauty the most recognizable amongst the family. It was no wonder why everyone said Mabel looked just like her. Their mother wouldn’t hesitate to give her opinion if she found out about Bill.

“It was great as usual! I’m hosting a knitting club now!”

“Really? That’s wonderful sweetie!”

“Oh- Mason remember what I told you about thinking too much at the table. Remember? You nearly put your face in your cereal?”

Dipper looked up, blushing. “S-Sorry Mom.”

“So, Mason, how did it feel being the man of the house for a change?” said their dad, who was sitting at the end of the table. Their dad was known for his business throughout Piedmont, working along with the Gleefuls and Northwests. Besides their money coming from their Great Uncle Ford, it also came from their business. He was always serious about his work and serious about getting his son to take after him. Strict and smart for business, unlike their mother who stayed home most of the time talking with the other rich women in the community. Because of his seriousness, he was strict about everything.

“U-Uh yeah- It was great.”

“Did you do your homework?”

“Yes.”

“Was everything completed on time?”

“Yes.” They made eye contact. Dipper’s father maintained it for a moment before setting down his newspaper, “Son, your mother and I have been talking about letting you take over for me when I retire.”

Dipper choked on his cereal. “Wait- What?”

“Well son, I’m thinking about getting you trained and working for my business. You’ll be working along with Miss Pacifica and the Gleeful boy all hours of the day and you’ll finally be able to put that genius mind to work. We think it’d be a wonderful career opportunity for you.”

“Not only that.” Their mother chimed in. “But you’ll also get a chance to make friends like your sister here. Maybe even get a girlfriend and get settled.”

“Mom, Dad- What about college?”

“Darling, there’s no need to go to college now when you have a big career choice in your reach.”

“But Mom-”

“No buts Mason, its been decided.” He raised his voice a little, letting Dipper know not to argue back. It’s been decided. Dipper almost sulked in his chair.

There was silence at the table.

“Alright, it’s about time you two finish up and head on to school,” their mother quickly spoke up with a smile. Mabel got up kissed their mom on the cheek and smiled.

“Okay mom! Come on, Bro bro.”

With that, Dipper quickly got up from his seat and went up to his room to get his things for school. Mabel tried to chat with him as she drove him to his school, but he only made small noises to acknowledge her. When they got there, he picked up his bag and opened the door, but a hand on his arm stopped him.

“Dipper, you need to tell Mom and Dad that you don’t want to take over.”

“What other choice do I have? You know them. They’re not gonna let me do what I want to do. Besides, who would take over the company if I didn’t?”

“Well, I was thinking I would do it.”

Dipper turned to look at his sister, shocked. “I thought you were going to follow your dream. You know, go to college, get a degree in fashion with a minor in business, open your own boutique, all that jazz?”

“Maybe I could get a degree in business with a minor in fashion. It’s not like you’ve been paying a lot of attention to how Dad runs the company anyway. I have. I know how to do this.”

“Okay, but how would we convince them? You know Dad doesn’t think you’re strong enough to run a company. He’d never agree.”

Mabel grinned, “Simple. We’re going to show him that I can do this. Besides, if all else fails, you could just run away. They’d have no choice then.”

The elder laughed, but Dipper frowned. He pulled his arm away gently and grabbed his bag. “We’ll talk over it more tonight. See you later, Mabelgator.”

“In a while, Dippingdile,” Mabel replied, just like always. As soon as Dipper was on the walk, she pulled away. The other sighed as he walked towards the school. He was stopped by someone walking up next to him and putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Heya, Pinetree. Didya miss me?”

Dipper almost choked on air when he felt a hand on his shoulder. And looked back at the blonde behind him. He didn’t know whether to hug the fuck out of the boy right then and there or slap him upside the head.

“Bill-”

Bill pulled him close in a sort of sideways hug, “I missed you too, kiddo. So, whatcha doing?”

“I’m going to school. What are you doing here?”

“Picking you up. C’mon, come be a rebel with me.”

“But, I have to go to school.”

“No you don’t. I never finished high school and I’m good.”

“That’s not gonna convince me to skip school, Bill. In fact, that encourages me to go to school and pretend you don’t exist.”

“First off, rude. Second off, you’ll survive if you skip one day. Come on, Pinetree, let’s go.”

“No Bill, I’m not skipping school-” Bill pouted before grinning again and putting his arm around Dipper’s shoulders.

“C’mon, pinetree, it’ll be fun~! Plus, what’s the point of rules if nobody’s going to break them?” The blonde wriggled his eyebrows as Dipper rolled his eyes.

“Plus, a little birdie told me you had some joe and angie troubles yeah?” Dipper raised an eyebrow and stopped walking.

“What?” 

Bill chuckled, “Y’know, Joe and Angie! Joe mama angie daddy~!” Dipper groaned and started walking quickly again.

Bill jogged up and put his arm around the brunette once again, “Come on! You don’t hear that often pinetree~!”

“How did you even know that I had some trouble with my parents?”

Bill walked ahead of Dipper and turned around walking backwards with a wink.

“A magician never tells his secret~ However if you come with me maybe I can show you all of my cards~!”

Dipper looked at the school before sighing and nodding, “Let’s get out of here.”

Bill smirked and pulled him towards a beat-up Impala. The richer of the two couldn’t help wrinkling his nose at the thing. His disgust didn’t stop him from from getting in, though. The interior was much nicer than the exterior. It had red leather seats and a wood finish. A single coffee cup was resting in the cup holder. Dipper picked it up before Bill could say anything.

“You like Starbucks too? I thought it was too expensive for most Miseries.”

The other chuckled, “Keyword most. I freaking love Starbucks.”

Dipper was about to reply, but someone knocked on his window, scaring the shti out of him.

“What the actual fuck?”

Bill leaned over and rolled down the window, “Hey, Eyeball number 38. You’re excused from your duties for today. I’m taking the Richie out in town. Can you tell Pyronica to not mess with my stuff while I’m gone? If I come back and find my dildo on the ceiling again, I’m kicking her ass.”

“Wait wh-”

“Sure thing boss! Wait,” The small boy started to squint. “You do know you’re not allowed to have coffee, right boss? Remember the Christmas incident?”

“I make the rules and I do what I want. You stay quiet about it if you wanna keep your job.”

The kid’s eyes practically widened in fear. “S-Sorry b-boss! I-I’ll stay quiet, I swear!”

Dipper gave Bill a look as he rolled up the window. “Is that any way to treat your employees?”

“They still like me. Besides, I can’t fire him. His brothers would kick my ass. Those Eyeballs might be small and weak, but together, they’d be able to kill a hundred people each.”

“How many Eyeballs do you employ?”

“I think the number’s around forty. I know there’s a shit ton that Pyronica’s always babysitting and one of them is actually a thirty-year-old.”

“Woah really?”

“Yeah. It’s hilarious. Anyway, what do you wanna do on your day off? We can go see a movie or mess with some Richies.”

“I’d prefer to not mess with the other Richies.”

“Aw, come on, Pinetree! I thought you wanted to be rebellious.”

“I never said that. I said I’d leave school with you, but I never said I wanna fuck shit up.”

“Language, kid, geez!” Bill looked at his uniform. “Is that really what you wanna wear today? It looks uncomfortable.”

Dipper grabbed the edge of his vest, “I’ll have you know that my school’s uniform is top notch. But, yeah, the shirt is itchy. Can we go by my house?”

“Well, I mean you look like lil’ Gideon all stuffed in his suit and tie. I have some loose clothes at my place, why not play Misery today?”

The younger shook his head, “No way. I’m not going to dress like one of you. Miseries have no sense of fashion.”

Bill leaned back with a gasp, putting a hand on his chest in offense. “I’ll have you know Pinetree I have one of the best deadass fashion sense anyone could ever have in this town! I’m honestly hurt- no insulted- that you would say that!”

Dipper laughed, “Jesus, dramatic much? If you’re actually that good, I guess I’ll deal with it.”

“Yay~”

They quickly made the trip back to Bill’s place, kind of stuck in an awkward silence. I mean, there was something in the air that made Dipper feel a little giddy. But fuck if he knows.

“Okay so, my house is not in the best shape. It is a little messy in my room, oh and there’s peanut butter in the fridge because of Pyronica. Wash your hands after you eat em’ and don’t touch me. I’m highly allergic to them. They’re the devil. Other than that mi casa es su kasa.”

“Don’t worry. I kind of have a thing against peanuts because my sister got temporarily blinded by on in the fourth grade.”

“Really? You are literally my soul mate now. Okay, but is she still blind? Peanuts are from hell I told everyone this confirms it.”

“She can see just fine now. You were right, the devil shoves peanuts up his ass.”

“Hah, yeah.”

Bill pulled up to a house on a street full of tiny, identical houses. He got out and motioned for Dipper to do the same. “This is it.”

The Richie climbed out of the car, stopping to look at the house in disgust, “This is your house?”

“Yeah, it’s not much but it at least has a roof. In honesty, other miseries would kill to have a roof to live under. Only half of us actually live in homes or apartments. The rest, the streets. So for now. It’s the best I have to live in.”

“Oh… I guess it’s their fault for being Miseries.”

Bill gave Dipper a long look and frowned. “Dipper, it’s not our fault that we have no money. We can’t have big houses like you do. We can’t have good health like you do. We can’t live like kings unlike you and other Richies can. Every day is a fight for us while you and others sit in your fancy little houses living everyday without worrying about money, finding a clean house, getting a job, getting discriminated for how much of a shithole your life had become. This is real, Dipper. This is life.  Not candy land.”

Dipper looked at his feet. “I’m sorry. God, I hope you never meet my father.”

Bill’s shoulders relaxed a little as he walked over and put a hand on Dipper’s shoulder. “It’s fine, Pinetree. In honesty, I hope I do.”

“No, you don’t. He wants to kill all Miseries and nothing anyone says can change his mind.”

“I know I can’t change his mind. That’s life and it sucks. We’ll just have to suck it up. But I’m not afraid of a man who sits in his chair all day preaching nonsense.”

“You don’t understand. He’d actually do it if he found out about you.”

Bill stared for a moment before slowly grinning. “He doesn’t have to know me as a Misery~.”

“Bad idea.”

“I’m a master of portraying personas. I’ve acted as drug lords, dealers, you name it. I can nail a Richie, Pinetree.” He chirped.

“It’s still a bad idea. I mean, my father would ask about everything. There’s no way you’d be able to pull it off.”

“The best thing you can learn is that I am a master at personas, and psychology.” He booped the other’s nose. “I always plan ahead. I don’t jump in before I learn as much as I can about the person I’m fooling.”

“Bill, I really do like you as a person, but you need to listen to me when I say it’s a bad idea. I don’t care how good you are at pretending to be a Richie, my father will know. My sister is fine and you already know my Grunkles, but you cannot meet my father. Actually, my mother would probably tell him if she found out, so meeting her is probably a bad idea too. I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is.”

Dipper sighed and looked at his feet, “Sometimes, I wish I weren’t rich. I live a life of luxury, but that comes with all these rules and things I have to do, like hating Miseries and becoming part of my father’s company and never really having any friends.”

Bill’s eyes were wide, baffled when he heard Dipper’s small rant. “Well, since you don’t want me to that bad. And if it means that I could lose you as a friend in general, then I won’t. But life’s full of surprises, if they find out and kick you out or something. You can always stay here. Don’t let rules and labels rule your life pinetree. You’re a person too. In honesty you’re better than the other Richies I’ve met hah.” Bill patted Dipper on the shoulder.

“Some wouldn’t be this understanding. You’re different, Pinetree. Stay yourself. Don’t be somebody you don’t want to be just to look good in some idols eyes or your parents. Hell they’re stupid in honesty for putting rules down on you kid. You’re a good kid. We need more people in the community like you. Hell, we need more Richies like you.”

Bill clicked his tongue and strolled over to his front door, unlocking it as he swayed his hips.  

“Now do you wanna come inside and relax or do you want to stay out here and lay in life’s lemons all day. Let’s have some fun~” The blonde purred with a teasing grin.  

Dipper chuckled biting his lip. “Hah- yeah.”

Bill led his friend inside, taking note when Dipper’s eyes went to his ass. For someone who swore up and down that he was straight, he did some pretty gay things. The Misery decided then and there that he would be the one to pull this Richie out of the closet.

“Alright, make yourself at home. Shirts are in the top drawer first dresser to the right in my room. After that, make yourself comfortable~!” Bill chirped after closing the door behind him.

Dipper looked around the room, rubbing his arm. He swallowed when he saw the purple dildo hanging from the ceiling, wondering why the fuck it was up there. The teen quickly decided he didn’t want to know and went to the dresser. He changed into the nicest shirt he could find, deciding to keep his shoes on. They were quite sensible and he wouldn’t want to lose them.

There was a knock on the door. “You enjoying yourself in there Richie’? You’ve been in there for over an hour.”

Dipper huffed and opened the door, “I was looking for a nice shirt. You have maybe three that don’t have any holes in them. Seriously, I’m going to take you shopping one of these days and get you some nice shirts.”

Bill raised an eyebrow. “Well they’ll end up torn eventually.” He looked up, noticing the dildo. “Goddamn it, Pyronica.”  

“Pyronica was that lady that saved me the other day, right? She seemed really nice.”

“Yeah, she was. I was actually sending her out to fetch you. She can be nice, just don’t piss her off.”

“Good to know. Anyway, what did you have in mind for today? Or was the kidnapping an impromptu thing?”

Bill grinned. “Well, we could hang around here if you want. You ever smoked weed?”

“No. I’ve been looking for a decent dealer. Richies may hate Miseries, but they know that you guys have all the best weed.”

“Hah, wow you really are different from the other Richies’ I can tell you though you’re in luck. I have some with me and all in the back for trade. I can hit you up.”

He snorted. “Give your virgin mouth something new to taste.”

Dipper blushed, “Just give me some fucking weed.”