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blackjack-15 · 4 years ago

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The Puzzle is Just the Italian Language — Thoughts on: The Phantom of Venice (VEN)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR, CLK, TRN, DAN, CRE, ICE, CRY

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it. Like with all of the Odd Games, there will be a section between The Intro and The Title called The Weird Stuff, where I go into what makes this game stand out as a little strange.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraph above, along with links to previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: VEN, RAN.

The Intro:

From the French-inspired streets of New Orleans, Nancy jumps on a plane to Venice and is caught up in international espionage, theft, a mafia ring, and a cast of hostile suspects living in the same house as her.

Sounds a bit like my first semester of college, honestly. Minus the whole “Venice” and “international espionage” parts.

Coming directly after CRY, VEN isn’t quite as thick with atmosphere, doesn’t have any of its philosophy or thematic elements, and is really only famous for being set in Italy and for the fact that they hired four voice actors for our main cast sans regular characters (Colin, voiced by our good ol’ boy Jonah Von Spreecken, counts as a returning VA), but hired 6 distinct VAs for the singing gondoliers, most of whom the average player will never hear.

Yeah, VEN is kind of that type of game.

There’s a lot that makes VEN the trippy experience that it is – more on that immediately below – but nearly none of that makes VEN as confused as it is. Nancy’s hired by a foreign government – sort of – but there’s also a love line – sort of – a roommate story – sort of – and some touristy stuff like overpaying for flowers and gelato.

Taking place overseas, VEN might have been mistaken for a Jetsetting game if it weren’t for the fact that every bit of the game is permeated with the sense that nothing was quite thought out, nothing quite flows together, and there’s no emotional response in anyone – including the player.

That’s not to say that there’s nothing enjoyable about VEN; it’s one of the most highly memed games, in fact, with a catsuit, horrific fashion choices, and little laser roombas all making up the most memorable meme material (and that’s not even touching discount Justin Timberlake and his slides of seduction). It has strongly-painted characters (even if there’s a touch of the caricature about them), the return of recurring characters, the first appearance of a semi-recurring character, poisoned chocolates…it’s almost like someone tried to do STFD, but with a sprinkling of spies and Italy thrown in for good measure.

VEN can be a lot of fun, but it’s also a grind a lot of the time; the required puzzles can be ridiculous, for example, and, in a twist for Nancy Drew games, there’s a puzzle for everyone to hate, no matter if you dislike stealth games, card games, speed-reaction games, or even language puzzles.

Which brings us to the biggest problem with The Phantom of Venice: the common puzzle thread, the thing that keeps recurring, the ‘mission statement puzzle’…it’s just the Italian language. The game hinges on the idea that the player won’t know any Italian (or any Romance language, honestly), and that’s where the majority of the difficulty in the game (barring bad hand-eye coordination) comes from. It’s not a good thing at all, and it brings the entire game down with it.

Well, it has a little help. Let’s talk about the Roomba in the museum, shall we?

The Weird Stuff:

There’s a lot of things that are weird about VEN, no getting around it. But there’s one solid thing that makes it…well, Odd in the way that the other Odd games are qualified, and that’s this one simple fact:

This is a Hardy Boys mystery, with Nancy clumsily inserted in instead of Frank and Joe.

Think about it; called in by a foreign government, espionage, nearly drowning, contacts in the government and police force, an Italian crime ring…these are all things straight out of a Hardy Boys novel, not a Nancy Drew novel. There is a Nancy Drew book titled The Phantom of Venice, true enough, but this game doesn’t bear any resemblance to it besides, well, Venice itself. You could swap out Nancy with the boys and the whole game could go on, minus the whole ‘keepsake necklace from Ned’ thing, and depending on what you ship, even that might fly under the radar.

And no, I didn’t forget the dancing in a catsuit thing. Pure comedy right there.

Nancy’s a homegrown detective; most of her cases are ‘small thing spirals into bigger thing’. It’s not that she doesn’t deal in espionage, at times in foreign places, or stumble upon a crime ring. It’s just that that’s not the type of thing Nancy’s called in for, it’s the type of thing she trips over halfway into a lower-stakes mystery.

The Hardy Boys, however, because of their father’s contacts (in the novels) and their position in ATAC (in the games) are exactly the kind of people that work with police chiefs and security experts and foreign spies and the like. It’s very nearly their bread and butter. Which is why I have a wild but not out-of-the-way wacky sorta-serious theory. Bear with me:

This game was designed as a Hardy Boys game, and Nancy really was clumsily inserted in with a few weeks to spare.

At this point in history – the far-behind time of July 2008, as the Great Recession was descending, the fury of an election year was coming to a head, and you couldn’t go to a supermarket or clothes store in America without hearing OneRepublic tell you that it was just a little too late to apologize – HER wasn’t doing badly, per se, but they certainly weren’t doing as well as they could have been. They weren’t that far from having had to majorly upgrade their engine for a rapidly changing technological world, and there seemed to be no end in sight. HER had plenty of staff change-ups coming because of new sponsors, but weren’t making enough simply with what they had.

Put simply, they needed a carrot. And what better carrot than the fan-favorite Hardy Boys?

There are two Hardy Boys games put out around this time: The Perfect Crime and The Hidden Theft. While neither one was done by Her Interactive, there was a HER Hardy Boys game in the works: the DS masterpiece Treasure on the Tracks. The audience for a Hardy Boys game was meant to be young boys/teenaged boys, but the side audience expected was fans of the Nancy Drew books and games.

So while I know logically that Phantom of Venice was just the latest in a line of ‘adulted-up’ Nancy Drew books (and games), in my head it makes much more sense to say that it was supposed to be a Hardy Boys game meant to promote Treasure on the Tracks and HER got nervous and pulled the plug, stuffing their erstwhile teen detective in instead.

The Title:

As far as a title goes, The Phantom of Venice isn’t a bad one; you can tell it comes from the ‘hotter and sexier’ Nancy Drew books, and as a collection of words, it works rather well. It’s an evocative title, giving us our location, our crime (‘phantom thieves’ are common as a type of thief), and doesn’t say too much else, so as to not spoil the mystery.

As a title for this game, however…well, so little of the actual game deals with the Phantom that it’s rather non-indicative as a title. By the time you’re 16 Scopa games deep and are wearing a sparkly red dress with a cat mask and sneakers around Italy, you’ve pretty much forgotten about the Phantom and are more worried about exactly what happened to the pigeon you used as a messenger and why exactly flowers and gelato cost so much for 2008.

The Phantom of Venice just…deserved a better, more cohesive, more…well, phantom-y game than it got. That’s all.

Now, onto the mystery!

The Mystery:

Nancy’s been called in by the Secret Italian Police because a thief has been stealing art.

No, really, I’m being serious.

Sure, Prudence Rutherford has a hand in getting her called in, but basically Nancy goes from small-time cases, sometimes getting her name in the papers, to called in by the Italian Secret Police.

Caught up at a house where no one likes her (understandable, given that she just Appears one day, forced on the Ca’s owner, Margherita Fauborg, and her residents at the Ca’), Nancy soon becomes embroiled in a mystery most foul when she discovers ties to the art thief – or thieves – right around the Ca’, poisoned sausages and message-laden chocolate boxes, and shades and shades and shades of tiles offered by the Ca’s resident nerd.

Soon, Nancy is juggling police contacts, heists, Scopa games, and the impersonation of a world-class spy just to give the Italian police a hint as to who might be stealing Venice’s greatest artworks. It gets personal, however, when the Phantom Thief himself shows up, stealing Nancy’s locket which she’s just been given by Ned.

Oh, and did I mention that the whole thing is told in media res? Yeah, very, very weird choice right there.

Honestly speaking, the mystery isn’t…bad, per se. It’s got solid bones – art theft, mysterious thieves, romantic location, interesting-seeming suspects, some spy shenanigans. The problem with VEN’s mystery, largely, is that there just isn’t any cartilage to connect those good bones. Without something to hold it all together, it just kind of falls apart – exactly like a skeleton without cartilage.

Simply put, there’s a lot of mystery, but no plot to carry the mystery along.

The Suspects:

Beginning with Margherita Fauborg, the tanning-obsessed matriarch of the Ca’ Nacosta, seems like a good place to start. Dismissive of Nancy, tourists, and Nancy being a ‘tourist’, Margherita prefers to stay on top of her house tanning the day away rather than take part in any shenanigans.

Having Margherita not be a member of the ring was almost as inspired as having Helena lead it; she’s not nice, does suspicious things, is entirely self-centered – but she’s not a villain, nor does the game really pretend that she is for more than a second. I really like characters like this in the Nancy Drew games, who are honestly just People not enamored with the teen detective, but aren’t villains just because of that.

Also, the story of her husband’s death is just incredibly hilarious.

Her half-ward, half-employee Colin Baxter, on the other hand, is anything but dismissive of Nancy. He’s part of the ‘kinda crushing on Nancy’ club, but is Far less beloved than any other member of that club. It comes from his inherent creepiness, criminal record, and love for tile slides, I think.

Colin, as a suspect…well, he’s just there to make the numbers add up. It’s a shame that his largest utility is to show Margherita’s slightly unscrupulous nature, but he should have been kept as perhaps a figure that Nancy could call to get the story, rather than an in-person suspect.

The other person staying at the Ca’ is Helena Berg, fulfilling the HER mandate for having a German villain in their European games. Having Helena be the mastermind of the ring is a pretty good plot point, honestly, as I expected the first time for her to just be part of it, and to have that be the Big Surprise.

She’s also one of the few villains who promises revenge on Nancy and/or is still out there. I know it would have been Way too soon to have Helena be the returning culprit in RAN rather than Dwayne, but honestly she was a better candidate for it. While any hope of a good ND game (and mostly any game, honestly) is pretty far from me, I always hoped one day Helena would return in all her platinum blonde glory.

Enrico Tazza is our most encountered (kind of) and outwardly suspicious suspect, but he’s not exactly…well, scary. He makes Nancy-as-Samantha play a card game with him, then disappears, despite being the Preeminent Villain Face for the first half of the game.

I do love Tazza, however, just for his presence in the game. He’s cartoony, fun, well-acted…he’s just great. And as a potential villain, he’s great too! You’re never meant to doubt that he’s a ‘baddie’, you’re just meant to go along for the ride. Excellent.

Finally, Antonio Fango is the most prominent suspect that you’ll ever completely forget the name of, due to his lack of screen time despite being the Italian Police’s favorite suspect. He has a whole convoluted backstory involving multiple colleges and degrees, but really he’s just the communication go-fer for Helena’s theft ring.

As a villain…well, Fango does his part, but due to being a nigh-unseen suspect, he’s really just not very memorable. He’s like most of the ring – necessary to establish the numbers, but other than that, a non-entity.

The Favorite:

Despite the plot holes wide enough to steer a gondola through, there are a few things that really make VEN stand out.

The first is Samantha Quick; originally a stage name suggestion from Simone in FIN, she shows up as an actual character in VEN, albeit only by phone and shadow. Her pissed-off phone call to Nancy is a highlight of the game, especially as she ends with the vaguely threatening line “say hi to Ned for me”. Her shadow at the end in Colin’s window is the final clinch to make SQ a personal favorite of mine, and her presence (and the feeling of her presence, which is sort of different) is a high point in the game.

The location of the game is another plus; not so much Venice, but the Ca’ Nacosta itself. It’s a wonderful ‘home base’ location for any Nancy Drew game, filled with light, staircases, and pretty impressive stonework given that just a few short games ago, everything looked like it was animated out of melted gummy bears.

My favorite puzzle(s) are the chess puzzles, honestly. I just kind of like chess puzzles to begin with, and it’s a nice respite from forcing pigeons to do your bidding and avoiding various foods.

My favorite moment in the game is honestly the Samantha Quick shadow, but if I had to pick another moment, it’s where Nancy implies that she’s stripping for money, and Ned just replies that he’ll be really glad when she’s back home safe in the States. It’s such a random, hilarious thing to happen, and Ned’s complete underreaction to the idea of Nancy earning money in such a way (as she makes it sound way worse than it actually is) is what really sells it.

The Un-Favorite:

There are some un-favorites as well, however, that drag down the game to the place it currently resides.

The first is…well, the location and the means used to get Nancy there. As much as I have no problem with Venice, this attempt to open up the world makes little sense when you consider that there’s no way the Italian Secret Police would hinge their hopes on a small-time 18 year old American detective, no matter how highly Prudence spoke of her.

The jumbled plot (when there is a plot, at least) is another point against VEN; the writers just didn’t know what to do with Nancy being in Venice, and so just…didn’t do anything with it.

I also dislike that this game happens in media res. There’s no real reason to do it – and it makes any actions that the player takes that’s slightly apart from the ‘main plot’ – gondola rides, ice cream, looking at slide after slide after slide – seem incredibly out of place and borderline inappropriate. At the very least, if the Hardy Boys were part of the game, they could be yelling her name as she began to drown, which would give a sense of urgency that’s missing from the confused opening.

My least favorite puzzle…well, that brings me to a huge problem: every puzzle in this game is based around the fact that it’s in Italian, and they expect no one playing this to even have an idea of Italian (or any romance language). It boils down to this: the puzzle is just the Italian language, and they have nothing else up their sleeves. I don’t have a least favorite puzzle, because apart from a select few, they’re all the same puzzle, wrapped in slightly different clothing.

The Fix:

So how would I fix The Phantom of Venice?

Coming off of CRY, we’ve now had two games with two (or three) player characters, so that’s what I’d start with doing. Include the Hardy Boys, who have been called on by the Italian Secret Police because of their work with ATAC. They’re helping the mystified police track down this ring of thieves when Nancy mentions offhand that Prudence Rutherford is recommending a stay at a Ca’ in Venice whose owner owes her a favor (as a treat/vacation). Upon hearing this, the Hardy Boys ring her up and ask her help, as they’ve stalled out. They’re not allowed to come into physical contact with Nancy (to save money on animating them/Nancy), but they want her to investigate from her end, as she won’t be suspected at all.

The real reason the Italian Police let the Hardy Boys get her involved, of course, is that they need someone to impersonate Samantha Quick, and they’re having a rough time with their Joe-in-a-wig tests. They need an American who can convincingly pull off the act, and the brothers mention Nancy’s stints undercover. Desperate enough to grasp at anything, Nancy’s officially in.

That along would help beef up the plot, as suddenly we have an actual police plotline with the Hardy Boys (playing as one or the other, it doesn’t matter, or maybe both with different ‘jobs’ to do as one or the other). Diving the suspects is a good idea too; Nancy would take Helena and Tazza as her primary suspects (of course, only Tazza would be the ‘primary’ at the beginning), while the Hardy Boys handled Fango and his side of the ring.

The final puzzle (with the flashlights and such), especially, makes more sense as a Hardy Boys sort of thing. Nancy can snoop around the market and the Ca’, discovering clues as to Helena’s guilt and such. The Hardy Boys take down the ring, but Nancy takes down Helena.

I would also give Nancy a better reason to be undercover at the dance club. It’s a weird little minigame to be sure, but if it’s gonna exist in the game, there should be a better reason. Even better, take it out and have her solve puzzles – something other than the Italian Language, mind you – in order to get money from the police or something.

(Even better, take out the money thing, as someone helping the Police and pretending to be a spy should not be or appear to be short on funds.)

The last big change I’d do is to take Ned out (sorry, Ned, but there’s really no reason for you to be in this game) and swap him for Carson. Carson really should be in a few more games than he is as it stands, and this is a great way to bring in the fact that…well, Carson can’t be entirely Comfortable with the direction that Nancy’s life is going, even if he is proud of her.

Most of the time, Nancy’s family and friends are just used to say “and she’s ‘normal’ and loved and supported even though she’s never home”, and I think using them to establish her character and the stakes is a far better use of these pre-existing characters.

#nancy drew #clue crew #nancy drew games #VEN #phantom of venice #video games #nancy drew meta #long post #my meta

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koala-otter · 4 years ago

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the teacher and the scientist au: worldbuilding

I am writing some original stuff right now, and as a break where I can keep writing, I’m going to explain some of my worldbuilding/choices that I make when it comes to my modern “the teacher and the scientist” AU. The hope is that it will be fun for others to see what goes into a fic, or give people ideas for their own fics!

*a quick note: I am a white Latina! I have no East Asian heritage! I studied for a while in Beijing and speak Mandarin Chinese fluently, so I kind of defer to my experiences there when making worldbuilding choices in fic (because I believe strongly in writing what you know, especially given the damage you might cause by writing what you don’t know), but will also do research online or through friends on other countries and cultures that inspired the four nations in ATLA. But all of this is just to say that while I do put a lot of thought into this stuff, I am by no means the authority on any of it, and I am open to criticism and of course always want to make sure I’m not doing anything harmful with my writing. I promise to listen and adapt if you approach me about literally anything in my fic or in this post.

Ok now let’s get into it!

1. The setting: Ba Sing Se’s Natural History Museum This is based on a combination of the Beijing Museum of Natural History, the American Natural History Museum in New York, and Beijing’s Forbidden City/Gugong. Beijing I think is probably the biggest inspiration for Ba Sing Se with the ring system and centering of the palace (and I mean the Earth King’s palace is pretty directly based off of Tiananmen Square), so it seems like a pretty solid model for a modern Ba Sing Se to me.

2. The field trip I went on so many field trips to the Natural History Museum when I was little, and they were always the absolute most fun of the year. And I feel like we went to the planetarium basically every time? It was kind of fun to recall and try to capture the experience of being a little kid on this trip in this fic

3. The Lower Ring & the Middle Ring I put Zuko and his students as coming from the Lower Ring for a few reasons. Firstly, I couldn’t imagine Katara and Aang living in either the financial district that is the Middle Ring or the ostentatiousness of the Upper Ring. I think if they were in Ba Sing Se they’d work and raise their family in the Lower Ring (I will be getting into their jobs in later installments of this story, so I won’t explain them here!), which means Bumi goes to school in the Lower Ring, which then means Zuko has to work there in order to be his teacher and for this entire concept to work out (and also the reasons explained in the actual fic where he lived there with Iroh and wants to give back). And the museum is in the Middle Ring because I wanted it connected to the university, which canonically is in Ba Sing Se’s Middle Ring.

4. Sokka as an astrophysicist Because Sokka is a smart kid and a huge science nerd, okay??? And Yue and the space sword. It makes sense. Also, because Ba Sing Se = ATLA’s Beijing, I think of Ba Sing Se University as Beida （北大）or Peking University, which is China’s first national university and one of the most, if not the most, selective university in the country (disclaimer: I did not study at Beida!!). But yeah BSSU is the Earth Kingdom’s most illustrious university and one of the best research institutions in the world, and Sokka’s a tenured professor there. My boy’s world-class brilliant.

5. “Teacher Zuko” Ughhh I really struggled with this. Basically, I was taught in learning Chinese to address teachers as “Surname 老师 (lao3shi1),” which is “Surname Teacher.” But! I didn’t want to give Zuko a surname, because that seemed rife with opportunities for missteps (there’s a lot that goes into surnames of literally any country or culture, from geography to family history and occupations, and I didn’t want to co-opt anything that wasn’t mine to use). So I knew the kids would call him by his first name. But “Zuko Teacher” sounded off. And in Chinese, titles like Mr. or Miss or Mrs. go after one’s surname, while in English it’s the opposite, so I figured for this fic it was appropriate to implement the English convention. So! “Teacher Zuko.”

6. Sokka’s appearance Sokka’s one of those hot, young professors that appear only in popular media, or once in a blue moon. He finds out from Katara that white sneakers are an easy way to look in the fashion know while remaining marginally professional for class, and they become a staple of his uniform. I picture him in Stan Smiths. (And of course they’re a little beaten up! It’s Sokka!)

7. The gaang’s ages Okay, so, I can’t find the actual post where this is broken down, but I think canonically it makes sense that Katara and Aang were 22 and 20, respectively, when Bumi was born. I put them in this fic at being maybe a year or two older in this fic, so let’s say 23 and 21, when they have Bumi, in Katara’s second year of med school. So when this fic takes place, as Bumi is six years old, they are 29 and 27, and Sokka and Zuko are then 30 and 31.

oh my god we’re only 700 words into a 4,000-word fic why did I decide to do this to myself

8. Sokka looking at his watch and having a penchant for exact minutes He’s a master scheduler. That’s it.

9. “My Uncle Mushi lives in Chin City” This was just kind of an opportunity to integrate more from the ATLA universe! Obvi “Mushi” is Iroh’s refugee alias, but whatever another kid can have it, and yeah Chin City is that terrible village with all of those wacky people from “Avatar Day.” So we know the kid’s uncle is wacky. Fat chance of going on a field trip to visit him.

10. Zuko calling Bumi talented There’s that scene in the episode where they go to the Sun Warriors that Zuko calls Aang “a talented kid.” Bumi’s Aang’s son, so I figure by the transitive property Zuko would describe him the same way.

11. Zuko’s scar I don’t know why but I often forget to mention Zuko’s scar in other fics! Either way, I find kids usually respond to people’s differences better than most adults do. Kids just see things and comment on them, which, yeah, can be rude by societal standards, but I’d imagine it would be very refreshing for Zuko after going much of his life with people trying to avoid either staring at the left side of his face or talking about what happened. Also, I didn’t really want to get into the cause of the scar. Obviously Ozai did it. I don’t have an idea of how. Other fics have done that better. Explaining it within the fic the way Zuko would explain it to his class seemed like a good way to tell the reader, “Hey yeah it’s the same cause as in the show,” but then not have to get into it.

12. Sokka hates intro classes Ughhh no one likes intro classes, and I’d imagine it’s even worse for professors. Prerequisites are often too easy for the kids intending on majoring or too hard and meant to weed out the kids who can’t stick with the department’s program. College is funny.

13. Aang volunteers in Zuko’s class From what I can tell, parental involvement in schools is only getting bigger. And Aang is a great dad and I think he’d take any opportunity to get involved with Bumi’s school.

14. Zuko’s backstory I should probably take the time to explain this! Basically I think of this story existing in a universe where after they moved to Ba Sing Se under circumstances comparable to their being refugees in the show, Iroh and Zuko actually stayed in the city, and Zuko got his education there. And yeah! My boy went to BSSU, too!

15. Stargazing at the South Pole and seeing the moon at the North Pole Oh my god the pure amount of thought that went into this. I worked with the assumption that A:TLA takes place on Earth, and that then the rotations of Earth, and the rotation of the moon, are the same as what we experience now (I’ve thought about this extensively, especially as it pertains to the hemispheres and the seasons, but I don’t want to talk about it here, we simply do not have either the time or space). So the South Pole is essentially the same as our Antarctica/South Pole, except that it is capable of sustaining human life for an extended amount of time, and in theory has greater biodiversity (clearly I have also thought about this extensively, but again, we have neither the time nor the space for my theories). I had to read a NASA report on the phases of the moon as seen from the South Pole! And it turns out you can’t see much of the moon down there, and it is always in crescent form. but yeah, you see a lot of stars (but in the opposite rotation of what we see in the Northern Hemisphere), and I thought that was intriguing, especially given the importance of moon imagery throughout the show. Thus, Sokka’s first seeing the moon in the Northern Water Tribe, which ties in perfectly with his meeting Yue, his first love: “You could say the moon was my first love.” (Which someone pointed out in a comment on Ao3, and it absolutely delighted me that they noticed!)

16. Pipsqueak Just looking for more people from the show to serve as first graders in this fic. Someone commented that they pictured him the same size as he was in canon, and I laughed out loud.

17. Tuyanjing I was trying to think of constellations that look like badger-moles, and I honestly just thought, “Ursa Major. Badger-moles look like giant bears.” And “Tuyanjing” (土眼睛) is my own translation of “earth eye,” which was meant to be a nod to the animals’ connection to Toph and their blindness and earthbending.

18. All the stars & mentioning the Fire Nation & Water Tribe navigation I was initially going to write something in this scene about ancient constructions, like the pyramids, that were built using the constellations, and then create some elaborate metaphor about them and Zukka. But the only coherent thought I had about it was that it was “Too Much Work.” Instead I realized okay sailors always use the stars for navigation, and the Water Tribes and Fire Nation are the only nations we’ve seen with boats, so let’s go for that, and it works out because if you squint maybe you’ll read something about the stars guiding them to each other. Maybe we’re evoking thoughts of star-crossed lovers. And then we mention the moon again, and Zuko’s really seeing it for the first time, kind of like Sokka did, so hey I don’t know maybe that’s a symbol of something. Maybe.

And that’s really it I think! Hopefully this was at least entertaining if not entirely informative. I don’t normally write stuff out like this, but it is a good reflection of my thought process while writing most fics. Again, I am open to any kind of communication about the above as well as anything else I’ve posted! And I’d love to hear about any of your own ideas that help you with worldbuilding and writing your own fics :)

#atla #writing stuff #my writing #zukka #the teacher and the scientist

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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Garbage Pail Kids At 35: The Kids Are Alright

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Presented by:

This story appears in the Den of Geek x eBay special edition trading card magazine.

Garbage Pail Kids gave birth to my anti-authority streak. I was in fifth grade waiting for art class to start and showing off my prized Ashcan Andy to enraptured classmates when my teacher walked in the classroom, sighed, confiscated the card and proceeded to rip it up. “This junk has no place in an art room,” she stoically declared as Andy was transformed into sad confetti before my eyes. Years later, I came to realize that this demonstration was all about jealousy – these cards had instantly engaged students in art in a way that her years of teaching never could.

And let me be clear here: Garbage Pail Kids are most definitely art. Often grotesque and always eye-catching, the unfortunate children showcased on these cards fostered an interest in painting, illustration, and design for generations of kids since Topps first introduced them back in 1985 (their pun-heavy names also were a gateway for subversive humor). After 35 years, Garbage Pail Kids have become a cultural institution—not to mention schoolyard contraband for nearly four decades, an unexpected bonus that would make the creators of these cards—veterans of the counterculture themselves—beam with pride.

To trace the origins of Garbage Pail Kids, a brief history lesson is in order. Although they were best known for their baseball cards, the Topps Company also had huge success with bubblegum cards based on popular films and TV shows. Further expanding their creative pallet, Topps released numerous humor card lines, the most popular of which was Wacky Packages. Like Mad Magazine before them, these stickers showcased parodies of contemporary products with bitingly accurate focus.

In the early 1980s there was no bigger consumer frenzy than the Cabbage Patch Kids. These dolls from Xavier Roberts and Coleco featured an elaborate backstory and cloyingly adorable looks that became the stuff of toy legend (news reports featuring near riots as parents tried to get their hands on the damn things were commonplace in the early 1980s).

Naturally, then, Cabbage Patch Kids were an ideal target to get the Wacky Packages treatment. But the decision was wisely made by Topps execs that Garbage Pail Kids could be a card line of their own. Spearheading the project was underground comics legend Art Spiegelman (who would go on to win a Pulitzer Prize in 1992 for his groundbreaking holocaust graphic novel Maus), Raw comics anthology contributor Mark Newgarden, and artist John Pound.

Pound, a veteran of painting fantasy and science fiction book covers, was brought by Spiegelman to illustrate the original Wacky Packages “Garbage Pail Kid” card (featuring one of the dolls pushed into a trash can and touting orders to send the unfortunate soul to the Department of Sanitation). Though this Wacky Pack was shelved, Pound single-handedly painted all the characters featured in the first Garbage Pail Kids set. “They liked the idea sketches I sent in,” he says, “and asked me to do all 40 paintings in two months, which was faster than I was used to, but I got organized and made the deadline.”

Working with Spiegelman, Newgarden, and Topps creative favorite Jay Lynch to craft ideas, Pound’s early characters included the now iconic Adam Bomb, and remain some of the most beloved in the line (for the record, Pound names Adam Bomb, Up Chuck, Jolly Roger, and Mona Loser as some of his favorite creations).

Looking back over three decades later, Pound sees several reasons why Garbage Pail Kids have endured:

“The original concept had strengths: doing a parody of the famous Cabbage Patch Kids, and a name that was both clear and familiar sounding,” he says. “The concept’s rebellious attitude and shock value gave it initial attention. Also, in the ‘80s, Topps products were widely distributed, like in drug stores, variety stores, convenience stores.”

Although he freely admits that “I wasn’t expecting it, but Garbage Pail Kids became a huge hit,” Pound says aesthetic concerns were foremost on his mind when painting these garish figures. “On my end, despite the abundant gross humor and shock value, I simply wanted the art to feel good to look at. And I tried to put love into the paintings.”

The care with which these outlandish cards were created was appreciated by consumers. Fifteen different series of Garbage Pail Kids were produced between 1985 and 1988. There was spinoff GPK merchandise too, ranging from folders emblazoned with images of popular characters to the on-brand/subversively named Cheap Toys. The Garbage Pail Kids Movie was released in 1987 with The Facts of Life co-star Mackenzie Astin in the lead. On that topic, The Toys That Made Us and A Toy Store Near You creator Brian Volk-Weiss sums up the flick perfectly: “That movie is so bonkers even seeing it is not believing it. It reminds me in a weird way of a low budget Batman and Robin in that it was like a ton of people were involved with the green light and execution and seemingly had no oversight on any matter.”

But as far as Volk-Weiss is concerned, a new motion picture has plenty of potential. “I would love to see them do a ‘serious’ reboot that would be similar to the first Guardians of the Galaxy film in that they take the characters and the world seriously,” he states, “but the fun and humor and oddness stays intact too.” While there may be a future on screen for New Wave Dave and company, whatever it turns out to be must avoid the mistakes of the infamous 1987 cartoon series – which was produced for CBS but never aired due to the then-ongoing controversy surrounding the franchise (it eventually landed on DVD, and the less said about it the better.)

Despite a lull in any new products that lasted from the late 1980s until 2003, Garbage Pail Kids never really left the public consciousness. If anything, they were inspiring new talent. Enter Buff Monster. The Hawaii native and prolific street artist known for his upbeat, ice cream-inspired work was so inspired by Garbage Pail Kids that he created his own line of sticker art cards, The Melty Misfits. With names like Mind-Blowin’ Owen (featuring a cameo by a very Adam Bomb-esque character) and Bam Bam Sam, these intricately designed stickers—created on the type of antiquated machinery that Garbage Pail Kids were made on—come complete with a retro-styled wax pack and showcase Buff Monster’s own unique aesthetic as they pay homage to the Topps line.

Talking about why he personally connected with Garbage Pail Kids, Buff Monster makes a salient point on why these things were so memorable in the first place.

“If you look at most trading cards, they are less than what they’re about. Having a baseball card is a ‘less than’ experience than watching the game. If you’re watching a baseball game in person, that’s great, but watching a baseball game on TV is actually better because you’ve got commentary, and you’ve got playback, and all this sort of stuff,” he tells us.

“But Garbage Pail Kids stand out because the art was made for the cards, so the card was the thing. The card wasn’t some sub-version of something else. It was the point of making the art in the first place. And so that has always stuck with me. And that is really kind of what it comes down to for me.”

Buff Monster’s The Melty Misfits stickers are a burgeoning phenomenon for the 2020s, just as Garbage Pail Kids were for the 1980s. It’s understandable that he is partnering with eBay for a special pack of The Melty Misfits, some of which will come packaged with a random “Golden Ticket” card that will entitle the recipient to have Buff Monster create a character of their choice.

“This pack that we’re going to do is a nice little introduction to me and eBay working together,” he says. “This is a very easy thing for the completist to get. And that’s good.”

It’s clear when talking to Buff Monster that Garbage Pail Kids continue to inspire. And the cards themselves feel more vibrant than ever, way more relevant today than the doll that inspired them in the first place. Case in point? Recent political and horror-themed Garbage Pail Kids sets (which are really one and the same when you think about it) have brought old fans back into the fold.

Another example of booming Garbage Pail Kids interest is the 2017 documentary 30 Years of Garbage: The Garbage Pail Kids Story. The film’s writer and (with Jeff Zapata) co-director is Joe Simko, himself an accomplished artist and graphic designer who has worked on the card line and IDW’s spinoff Garbage Pail Kids comic, as well as his own series of The Sweet Rot graphic novels and his Cereal Killer trading cards. Simko vividly remembers when Garbage Pail Kids entered his life.

“I first discovered Garbage Pail Kids when I was 10 years old while riding the school bus. A couple of kids were sharing them,” Simko says. “It was the second series, and I just remember that artwork jumping out at me. Never had I seen such appetizing visuals on a trading card before. I knew instantly they were an attack on the highly successful Cabbage Patch Kids dolls, which dominated the kid’s market landscape at the time. Garbage Pail Kids were such a great middle-school kids protest to that cutesy Cabbage Patch world.”

Simko has been a part of Garbage Pail Kids lore since 2009, and during that time has given the Garbage Pail Kids treatment to everything from Stranger Things to Universal Monsters. “I think my favorite Garbage Pail Kids projects are the licensed product paintings I get to do,” he says. “For instance, the Garbage Pail Kids cereal for FYE was just so great to work on. Doing cereal box signings at the FYE pop-up shop during San Diego Comic-Con was an overwhelming experience. Greeting Garbage Pail Kids fans, when I too am a fan, is amazing.”

When I mention the brand’s longevity to Simko, he is quick to sum up their continued popularity. “Garbage Pail Kids have lasted this long due in part to the dedicated group of collectors who grew up on the series in the ’80s. Yes, there are younger kids buying them today, but the nostalgia it brings to those grown-up kids keeps the spirit and revenue of the Garbage Pail alive.”

Bringing things full circle, he also vindicated myself and everyone else who was ever frowned upon for appreciating the cards’ artistic merits.

“They are a true form of art. To pass judgement on them and reject these cards as ‘art’ because of the subject matter, is to have a narrow perspective of what art is,” Simko says. “Credit goes to the original creators of the Garbage Pail Kids cards during the 1980s, Art Spiegelman and Mark Newgarden. Art and Mark knew the ingredients to make GPK work. And of course the artists, John Pound, Tom Bunk, James Warhola, and Jay Lynch, were the ‘cooks.’ They made it taste and look perfectly gross. Without any of these creative minds, I believe Garbage Pail Kids would not be the success it became at the time.”

Despite being anchored to a fad from the 1980s, Garbage Pail Kids are ultimately timeless. Children of all ages will always take to the goofy grossness that is embedded in the line’s DNA. Nostalgia is a potent thing too, but as recent years have illustrated, Topps is always looking to evolve the IP, be it through virtual Garbage Pail Kids, high-end collectible figures, or just by continuing to bring in great artists to keep the bread and butter of the franchise—the card line—going strong. These Kids may be pushing 40, but in the heart of fans, they’ll never age.

Garbage Pail Kids eBay x Topps Exclusive

The 10-card set created by Joe Simko is the first exclusive from eBay and Topps. Each card is representative of buying and selling on eBay. The set will be available for $19.99 on eBay for one week starting on August 10.

The post Garbage Pail Kids At 35: The Kids Are Alright appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/30gkomP

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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kidellis-blog · 5 years ago

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WHO the Fuck am I? WHAT the Fuck am I Doing? WHY?

I AM a grocery cashier about to break into my early 30s, working and living in Boise, Idaho. Certain people there may be able to pick up on who, exactly, the fuck I am through that or/and other Crucial Context Clues. To anybody else who happens to read this, think of me as a conduit for persistent genderless rage.

I AM DOING blog. More specifically, I'm writing this to you, the Tumblrer, in an unparalleled time of turmoil for the American people - but particularly for the people of Boise. Classic GOP austerity has largely prevailed, stagnating wages, and ironically - or not, depending on what you make of it - ushering in a new population boom and subsequent revival of “Californiacation” (read: gentrification, dreaming) with it. In the past 5 years, the population of Boise's main metro area, Ada County (Boise County is due north), has increased by some number around 37,000 people - with the greatest increase seen in just the past 2 of the 5. I can tell you from lived experience that the average floor on studio apartment rates has shot from $500/month to $900. The minimum wage in Idaho is lawfully conformed to the federal rate. In 2016, the State Capitol passed a bill "TO PROHIBIT POLITICAL SUBDIVISIONS" of Idaho (e.g., cities, towns, school districts) "FROM ESTABLISHING MINIMUM WAGES HIGHER THAN THE MINIMUM WAGES PROVIDED." More lately, Idaho State Senator Jim Rice has warned that "it's poor economic policy to do minimum wages" because "it's a form of price control." How could we let our lawmakers down, doing minimum wages all willy-nilly, raising them to any cent above $7.25, anywhere in the Gem State of Idaho? Anyway, it's been great. It's been so fucking great.

You see, I've been sitting in my chair for an hour drafting a single paragraph of a tumblr post about where I'm coming from, and I haven't even gotten into the shit that's been happening around me *this fucking week.* It is the midnight hour, MST, of the 18th of March of 2020. Unparalleled turmoil, motherfucker.

This is how I lead to the answer of WHY. I used to be tired and bored. In succession, I wove Chapo Trap House (ay) into my regular rotation of knitting podcasts. I grew through enough of my own bullshit to conjecture that any time I was able to spend on political activism in physical space that I wasn't spending was being wasted. I became active in Bernie Sanders' campaign for President. I started phonebanking, and began canvassing doors in my area as soon as I possibly could. I met dozens of volunteers working for a united vision. They coordinated with other local activists, such as the local Sunrise Movement, to organize a rally that drew well over a thousand participants from the Capitol through the streets of downtown, all in enthusiastic support of Senator Sanders and his economic tack. I was filled with glee to be spreading the vision into the corners of a state that caucused for Sanders at a rate of 78% in 2016 - an overwhelming majority that was present at the largest caucus in U.S. history, Ada County's own, through which I personally slogged.

Then February ended, and March came in like the 3rd or 4th Horseman of the Apocalypse. Bernie Sander's steam through the earliest primaries came to a halt around Joe Fucking Biden. First Cup O' Joe took South Carolina. Then, he took Massachusetts, Minnesota, Texas, and Virginia. Finally, on March 10, he claimed crushing victories in Michigan, Mississippi, and - narrowest yet most crushing of all for me and some 45,000 others who cast their vote for Bernie here - Idaho. In the bitter end, I learned that physical organizing efforts in this country don’t hold as much sway as we hope to believe, and Idaho doesn't actually like Bernie *that* much - they just hate Hillary that much. Also, March is a Big Month for M's. Get it? I want to die.

Point is, I was tired and bored. Through the 2020 Democratic Primary, I quickly become tired and angry.

A week has passed since then and holy shit. Fuck. Goddammit. No. What? How? Is the fabric of American society actually disintegrating in front of our eyes right now? What's the longest week you can remember? What the fuck is any of this?

I apologize. I'm not supposed to be asking you questions. To wrap this up, anyone who knows me personally has been able to observe how a large part of my 20s was defined by a nagging, aspirational compulsion to artistically contribute literally anything I could muster. I've written and performed bad songs. Bad poetry. Bad stand-up material. Now I've come to the point where I still want to contribute, and I still have aspirations - but, for deeply personal reasons, I don't necessarily want people to remember my name for it.

So, here I am now, on one of the very last $0 blogging platforms on Earth, tired and angry, and all I want to do is provide... Something. Some way to vent the very true and consistently agitated anger that I feel in the United States of America. Some sort of constructive and entertaining way to process what, exactly, the fuck is happening everywhere in America all of the time. Some way to formally toss my fists into an infinite fray of blogging and podcasting cyberbullies. I want to emulate them and cyberbully the class of Americans who are politically and financially invested in grinding away every meager scrap of dignity the American Proletariat has left. I wanna.

I wanna blog.

So if you're down for a rollicking ride through some wacky current events, buckle up and hang on to something; all of the paved roads have been destroyed.

#introduction #politics

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smpenvs3000-19-blog · 5 years ago

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Nature Interpretation

Over the course of the semester I have learned several things regarding nature interpretation and the different ways in which an individual can interpret nature. The podcasts were a perfect way to get one thinking about how you present information to an audience, by using specific terminology, longer pauses, or including inclusiveness. It allowed for us to really think about the different methods of relaying information based on your audience.

Something that I never realized was an important aspect of nature interpretation, and I am grateful or learning about, would be learning about your audience. The more you know about your audience, such as their age, or the reason why they are there, the better that you as an interpreter will be able to convey and relate your message or story. A great example of this, that we were able to physically see, would be the Art Gallery and History tour. Both these tours had an interpreter informing us of the meaning or history behind the objects. It was wonderful and informing to see an interpretation first hand, as I have never before had one/realized these individuals were interpreters. It was also just an overall wonderful experience that took me out of my comfort zone, as I am not one for art but most definitely gained an appreciation for the meanings behind art pieces.

My personal ethic as a developing nature interpreter would be to treat everyone as equal. Something that resonated with me was the invisible backpack. It wasn’t something that I ever really thought of, that some individuals have an advantage in life because of certain aspects that they cannot control. Because of this, I would treat everyone equally, as one always should. My responsibilities as a nature interpreter would be ensuring that everyone has a fun time, learns something from our time together, and also ensuring their safety and every point of the way. As a nature interpreter, I want to make sure that everyone has an awesome time and gets something out of it, even if its just a couple of facts. It is also my responsibility to ensure that everyone is safe, and I would ensure that by using risk assessment for any of the activities that might occur. I doubt that I would be well if something ever happened to my group because I was not doing my job correctly and assessing for potential risks.

Beliefs that I would bring would be that of the Gift of Beauty. That everyone has a different definition of beauty and that what you might think is beautiful others may not. I would therefore, ensure of a broad generalization of the beauty of the area or object to allow for others to make their own judgement on its beauty. Another belief would be that each nature interpretation is that of a story, to inform and enlighten individuals of the history and future. It would be great if they went home with a thirst for more knowledge on that particular object. In telling a story, I would need to be aware of my audience and the different ways that I can relate to them, perhaps telling a joke or two about something we have in common. I take inspiration from Ken Irvine, who did the history tour with us. He was passionate and relatable to students by sharing information about the alcohol history of Guelph, which caused laughter and peaked interest. I would hope that if I ever became a nature interpreter, I would have some of the same qualities as Ken and be absolutely passionate about my work.

Approaches that are most suitable for me as an individual would most definelty be knowing your audience and also being expressive when talking. Knowing your audience allows for a better suited tour in which you can better express your information for them. It would also help in being able to do ice breakers to ease the awkwardness, if there is any. Being expressive is something that I already am. I love to put emphasis where its required and move my hands and arms everywhere. Being expressive would be a great approach to ensnare and captivate your audience of what you are telling them, as it is very important to have and keep your audiences’ attention.

I did not know what to expect from this course, as I was not aware or into nature interpretation, did not even know that it was a job. But throughout the course, I have grown to love it. The fact that the course was more about teaching students’ viable skills was amazing, because it is something that very few courses teach. I loved that the labs were out of the classroom and showed students first hand the different types of interpretations that are out there. My absolute favourite lab would be the improv one. Doing the improv forced me out of my comfort zone, which I like to be in, and got me doing crazy wacky things that I would usually never do in front of others. When it came down to presenting our science machine, there was no nervousness, which is something that I always have when presenting, and I chalk that up to having just finished doing random interpretation dances.

I want to give my gratitude to Aaron for doing the lecture on resume’s, as that is something that every student is going to have to write in the future for whatever purpose. Not everyone is aware of what you should or should not put on a resume and so it was great to have a class on how to. It was amazing to be given tips and tricks on what to put on your resume and how to conduct yourself during an interview, such as informing yourself about the company before the interview. These tips and tricks will surely be used to ensure that I have a fantastic resume.

Thank you for an awesome semester everyone!

Sabrina

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therealandian · 6 years ago

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Spoilery as hell essay about Tony Stark I did for my English class:

Please do not read it if you haven’t seen ENDGAME, because everything is spoiled. EVERYTHING!!!

This essay explores how Tony Stark is a tragic hero more than anything else.

The Tragedy of Tony Stark

The Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) is a titanic movie franchise spanning more than a decade with over 20 movies to its name. As a franchise based off of comic books, it has its share of wacky characters, witty one-liners, and ridiculous costumes. But as a movie franchise, it also has its share of dark, profound plot elements. One such element is the tragedy of Tony Stark.

Tony Stark is no ordinary hero. He is, as he once boldly proclaimed, a “genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist” (The Avengers). Beyond that, he is Iron Man, legendary hero in his personal weaponized suit of mechanical armor. But this is only scratching at the surface of the man who has carried the entire MCU since its infancy. During this time, he has been beaten down and betrayed, has suffered and struggled, and has been abused and ignored. Despite all of his achievements, Tony is much more of a tragic hero than he has ever been just a hero.

A tragic hero is defined in the dictionary as “a great or virtuous hero…who is destined for downfall, suffering, or defeat.” Commonly, they’re set in dramatic tragedies, such as Oedipus Rex or Hamlet. Although the MCU doesn’t quite ring true as a “dramatic tragedy,” the “hero destined for suffering” part perfectly describes Tony, who struggles against foes far more powerful than himself, only to lose a piece of himself in the process. Jennifer Wallace puts it best when she states “The source of a tragic hero's greatness is also the cause of his destruction. The overriding desire for honor that motivates tragic protagonists also results in their shame and demise” (Wallace). This also describes Tony very well; many of Tony’s enemies are of his own making, and people tend to get hurt when he takes matters into his own hands and attempts to solve the problems himself.

Almost everything that happens throughout the MCU involves the tragedy of Tony Stark in some way. He is a walking, breathing catastrophe who can barely hold himself together. He is guilt-ridden and anxiety-plagued, yet everyone still expects him to be Iron Man. When he snaps and lashes out at people, or otherwise ignores their requests for assistance, everyone tends to be surprised. One of the most clear examples comes from the most recent MCU film: Avengers: Endgame. After Tony had just returned from almost starving to death during his month-long space trip, the other Avengers immediately want to talk strategy with him. He’s still hooked up to an IV while they discuss all the things he’d predicted was coming long before they ever came to pass. He snaps at Steve Rogers, saying “I got nothin' for you, Cap! I've got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options! Zero, zip, nada. No trust—LIAR!” (Avengers: Endgame). He collapses shortly thereafter, completely, utterly defeated.

In a world of supersoldiers, monsters, aliens, and supervillains, Tony is a bit of an odd man out—he’s still human. “The Tony Stark character is memorable in that he was someone who could readily comment on the insanity around him” (“First-of-its-Kind…”), says the Targeted News Service. Rather than being a supersoldier, ultra powerful gamma monster, or highly trained assassin, Tony is just a “man in a can” (Iron Man 3). He has only his intelligence to aid his hero’s journey, and he carries the burden of it with him everywhere. In every movie after the first Avengers film, Tony struggles with the knowledge that something like the attack on New York will happen again (Iron Man 3; Avengers: Age of Ultron). His greatest fear is losing everything because he failed to do enough, and it shows the most in his most vulnerable moments. Even worse, his fears become reality before his very eyes (Avengers: Infinity War).

Further setting the burden of tragic heroism on Tony’s shoulders is the sheer amount of villains he’s created. Justin Hammer, Ivan Vanko, Aldrich Killian, Ultron, and Adrian Toomes are all directly linked to Tony and his bad decisions. Killian is ignored by Tony completely after he makes a promise to meet him, Hammer attempts to replicate the Iron Man armor for military use and personal gain, Vanko gets Tony’s personal advice on how to make his weapons more efficient, Toomes loses his job because of Tony’s handling the aftermath of Loki’s attack on New York, and Ultron comes into existence because Tony let his fears control him (Iron Man 3; Iron Man 2; Spiderman: Homecoming; Avengers: Age of Ultron).

Tony’s ego is certainly one to blame, but so is his carelessness. He often lets the situation dictate his response, rather than forcing his actions to dictate the situation. In other words, Tony is a reactionary character. This can be seen best in Captain America: Civil War (CA:CW), when he reacts to the death of his parents, and in Avengers: Age of Ultron (AoU), when he experiments with Loki’s scepter to streamline the creation of Ultron.

Tony also faces two life-shattering betrayals and several smaller ones, further placing him in the “tragic” category. In his debut movie, Iron Man, he learns that the terrorist group called the Ten Rings was hired to kill him by Obadiah, his trusted friend and mentor. Obadiah later paralyzes Tony and physically rips out the one thing that keeps him alive—his arc reactor. Tony manages to survive on an older model, but is almost killed in the ensuing battle. He even resigns himself to death and forces his personal assistant to blow the reactor beneath them. He fortunately survives, but his former friend does not (Iron Man). In this movie, not only does he survive a torturous three months in Afghanistan, but he comes back to almost immediately die at the hand of one of his closest friends.

In CA:CW, Tony learns that his parents were murdered by Bucky Barnes, who is unfortunately standing next to him at that time. He’s understandably distraught, but becomes enraged when Steve reveals that he already knew about the murder and never told him. This moment is especially ironic given Steve’s line in AoU, when he tells Tony in frustration that “sometimes my teammates don’t tell me things” (Avengers: Age of Ultron). Tony attacks the pair, who proceed to nearly beat him to death. At one point, Steve rips off Tony’s face mask, then stabs his arc reactor with his shield. They then leave him, beaten and alone in Siberia, with Steve having chosen one friend over the other. Tumblr user @teamsharoncarter notes that “Tony Stark lifted up his arms, covering his face when Steve was going to hit him with the shield, subtly showing that Tony is used to anyone he trusted to betray him and try to kill him” (“Tony Stark…”). While this point could be debated as mere headcanon, it is true that Tony is betrayed often. It’s fascinating to see a side-by-side comparison of Tony’s facial expression when he discovers the two major betrayals.

Tony also deals quite a bit with mental illness. It becomes most prevalent in Iron Man 3 (IM3), and looms on the sidelines in other movies. Given at the start of IM3, he has been kidnapped and tortured (Iron Man), has nearly died of radiation poisoning (Iron Man 2), and has flown a nuclear missile into a wormhole to kill an alien army with no hope of surviving (The Avengers), it’s a wonder PTSD isn’t a major topic prior to it. Much of IM3’s secondary plot revolves around Tony’s mental state post-Avengers, and he never quite resolves it. Later on, he begins a multi-million dollar project to help “clear traumatic memories” by recreating them in a pseudo-physical format and altering them as the user wishes (Captain America: Civil War).

Tony tries again and again to do the right thing, yet he somehow makes everything worse in the process and loses something very dear to him. These attempts and subsequent failures are the most telling mark of his tragic heroism. He saves his life with the arc reactor, but it winds up poisoning him with radiation (Iron Man 2). He enters the clean energy market to make up for his company’s history of weapons contracting, only for his building to be partially destroyed during the Battle of New York (The Avengers). He tries to be better to his girlfriend, only for her to be kidnapped and tortured after their home is blown up because he ditched someone on a roof in 1999 (Iron Man 3). He tries to build a peacekeeping A.I., but it turns murderous and tries to drop a city out of the sky to wipe out humanity. He winds up losing much of his certainty, Bruce Banner, and J.A.R.V.I.S., his personal A.I. based on a childhood friend (Avengers: Age of Ultron). He signs the Sokovia Accords to try and redeem himself, but according to Rogers, it is the moment he signs it that he destroys the team (Captain America: Civil War). He tries to retire from being a hero and settle down, but he winds up lost in space with half the universe disappearing from existence because someone wanted to spare his life (Avengers: Infinity War).

It is rather fitting that when Ultron asks him if he’s come to confess his sins, he answers with “I dunno, how much time you got?” (Avengers: Age of Ultron).

Yet no one stops him from doing anything, and it often ends in disaster. And then when he tries to right these wrongs later on, his former teammates turn on him and abandon him in the cold of Siberia, halfway beaten to death by two supersoldiers. His contributions to the team and efforts to protect it are overlooked and forgotten the moment he signs the Sokovia Accords. Clint Barton says “you better watch your back on this guy. Chances are he's going to break it” (Captain America: Civil War), despite having fought alongside him only a year before during AoU. Even Tony’s plan to take the fight to Thanos, rather than returning to Earth, backfires and results in the loss of the Time Stone to the Mad Titan (Avengers: Infinity War).

All this being said, there is no denying that Tony is a hero. Incredibly, despite everything he goes through, he still keeps being Iron Man. As pointed out by Marvel Comics editor Axel Alonso, “he perseveres because of his winning combination of brains and heart” (”Iron Man Insider”). Tony himself even proclaims “I shouldn't be alive, unless it was for a reason...I just finally know what I have to do. And I know in my heart that it's right...there is the next mission, and nothing else” (Iron Man).

In almost any story that’s called a tragedy, the protagonist(s) dies at the end. Take, for example, Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth, and The Fall of Icarus. Unfortunately for Tony Stark, this trope still applies. The final nail in the coffin for Tony’s tragic-yet-heroic narrative is his battle against Thanos in Avengers: Endgame. After having survived wave after countless wave of attacks against both himself and his planet, Tony is forced to make the ultimate sacrifice, despite having finally achieved all but one of his goals throughout the MCU: “Peace in our time” (Avengers: Age of Ultron; Avengers: Endgame).

Despite everything, though—all the pain, suffering, torment, betrayals, and losses—he keeps getting up and coming back to fight the bad guys in a bid to make the world a better place. And perhaps this is the most tragic part about him. It’s not that he keeps losing, it’s that he keeps believing that someday, somehow, he’ll get his happy ending. And now that we know how Tony’s character arc ends, we also know that he never truly finds it.

Works Cited (for things that aren’t the movies)

“First-of-its-Kind Course to Examine ‘Universe’ of Cinematic Storytelling, Perspectives in Ongoing Marvel Films.” (2014, Sep 16). Targeted News Service.

“Iron Man Insider.” Discover, vol. 34, no. 4, May 2013, p. 23. EBSCOhost.

@teamsharoncarter. “Tony Stark lifted up his arms, covering his face when Steve was going to hit him with the shield, subtly showing that Tony is used to anyone he trusted to betray him and try to kill him.” Tumblr, http://teamsharoncarter.tumblr.com/post/144019313080/tony-stark-lifted-up-his-arms-covering-his-face.

Wallace, Jennifer. (2012). “The Tragic Paradox.” Comparative Drama, 46(4), 545-548,581.In almost any story that’s called a tragedy, the protagonist(s) dies at the end. Take, for example, Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth, and The Fall of Icarus. Unfortunately for Tony Stark, this trope still applies.

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preserving-ferretbrain · 6 years ago

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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Chapters 1-12

by Dan H

Wednesday, 01 August 2007

Dan reviews the final Harry Potter book chapter by painful chapter.~

I really liked the first three Harry Potter books. They were brilliant, engaging, cleverly written, masterfully paced and - as AS Byatt put it - just scary enough. They were genuinely good children's fiction, of the kind that a grown up wouldn't feel too bad about reading in public. Then JKR got famous, and her editors stopped doing their job. And she got sucked into a nightmare whirlwind of publicity. And it went downhill from there. I hate Potter now. Genuinely, vehemently hate it. I hate it precisely because I used to love it, and it angers me no end that the books I enjoyed, about a boy wizard and his boarding-school adventures, have been swallowed by this "phenomenon."

The Harry Potter books aren't "books" any more. They're events. That's why people queue outside a bookshop at midnight to buy a copy, as if somehow starting to read a book an hour later than somebody else makes the reading experience different. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I have a burning desire to exorcise the spirit of Potter from my soul, and I intend to do it by writing a chapter-by-chapter review of the final instalment. There may be some delays while I fling the book across the room. So, without further ado... Chapter One: The Dark Lord Ascending In which Voldemort borrows Lucius Malfoy's wand. I should first take a quick moment to say that his book managed to piss me off before chapter one even started by having a quote from Aeschylus at the start. I mean for fuck's sake, what is this, a 1993 Vampire sourcebook? Anyway, chapter one is called The Dark Lord Ascending although it should more properly be called "The Dark Lord Sitting In A Dining Room And Being A Bit Mean To The Malfoys But Basically Doing Nothing." Fans of the series will of course be intimately familiar with scenes of Voldemort Doing Nothing. He's been at it for three books now. This chapter is particularly full of fine examples of the Dark Lord's sinister aptitude for inactivity. The action - or rather inaction - takes place in the pleasingly alliterative grounds of Malfoy Manor. Voldemort and his wacky minions discuss the progress of their sinister plan to take over the Wizarding World. They bicker about when Harry is going to be moved from his present location, and then they do a lot of exposition about how they are going to take over the Ministry of Magic. This is particularly heavy handed.

"It's a start," said Voldemort. "But Thicknesse is only one man. Scrimgeour must be surrounded by our people before I act. One failed attempt on the Minister's life will set me back a long way." "Yes, my Lord - that is true - but you know, as the head of the department of magical law enforcement, Thicknesse has regular contact not only with the Minister himself, but also with the heads of all the other Ministry departments. It will, I think, be easy now that we have such a high-ranking official under our control, to subjugate the others, and then we can all work together to bring Scrimgeour down."

Just in case you didn't catch that, they've got control of a man named Thicknesse, got that, Thicknesse, who is head of the department of magical law enforcement, and they are going to use him to get control over all the other ministers, and use that to take down Scrimgeour, and then take control of the ministry of magic. Remember in the first book, where the Philosopher's Stone was barely seen, seldom discussed, and it wasn't until the very end of the book that you actually found out why Lord Voldemort wanted it so badly? Remember how cool and exciting that was. Damn I miss that. While the Death Eaters bicker about whether their dastardly plan which they could have enacted at any time over the past three years is actually going to work or not, we are painfully aware that there is a figure, horribly suspended above the table in the centre of the room. Helpless and silent, we are forced to watch the black-hearted villains discuss their tedious-but-horrific plans, while this figure suffers above us. Imagine, then, how our horror is compounded when we discover that this innocent creature who the Dark Lord torments so casually is none other than ... ... Charity Burbage! You know. Charity Burbage. She taught Muggle Studies at Hogwarts. Remember Muggle Studies? I think Hermione takes it in her third year. Or something. So anyway, she dies. And this makes a Meaningful Statement About The Nature Of Death. Students of literary history will of course recall that up until 2000's Goblet of Fire, there had never been a death in any children's book ever written. The Death Eaters talk some more. They make Nazi salutes (seriously: "in silence, both raised their left arms in a kind of salute") and are racist about Muggles and Mudbloods. Chapter Two: In Memoriam In which Harry gets angry at a Daily Prophet article and shouts "Lies!" For chapter two, we are back following Harry Potter. I confidently predict that we shall never leave his side again. In chapter two, Harry cuts his finger on the mirror that Sirius gave him. Then he reads two articles about Albus Dumbledore. These give us more information than we could possibly want about the plot-dumping old coot. Tragically, it seems fated to be but the tip of a very large Dumbledore-shaped iceberg. And these articles are long. Like really, really long. It's basically like JK Rowling took her fifteen-year old notes about the character of Dumbledore, copy-pasted them into the text, and attributed them to a guy with a silly name. The purpose of this chapter, it seems, is to make us believe that there was more to Dumbledore than we ever expected. He had thought he knew Dumbledore quite well, but ever since reading this obituary he had been forced to recognise that he had barely known him at all. Never once had he imagined Dumbledore's childhood or youth; it was as though he had sprung into being as Harry had known him, venerable and silver-haired and old. Now I'm sorry, but that's just cheating. Dumbledore spends six books being a moderately entertaining but utterly generic White Haired Old Mentor Figure. Harry's belief that Dumbledore had "sprung into being ... venerable and silver-haired and old" is of course literally true. JK Rowling invented him to be a mentor to her protagonist, and at no point does he act like anything else. Dumbledore spends six books as a plot device. Asking us to suddenly see him as a real person is pathetic. She might as well have gone the whole hog and written "Suddenly, Harry realised that JK Rowling was a really brilliant writer, and all her characters were really complex and interesting." Harry packs his bags, and prepares to leave on his Epic Quest To Defeat Voldemort Using The Spells He Learned In His Second Year Duelling Class. Chapter Three: The Dursleys Departing In which the Dursleys Depart, and it's actually quite touching. This chapter, unlike the previous two chapters, is not a waste of good wood pulp. We see Harry being taken away from the Dursleys for the last time, and the Dursleys themselves being taken into hiding so that Voldemort cannot target them. This chapter actually contains something approaching a significant event, and even more rarely, some actual semblance of character development on behalf of the otherwise zero-dimensional Dursley family.

"I don't think you're a waste of space."

It's a touch of the old style. The Dursleys remain, to the end, a rather pathetic caricature of a middle class family (and really, is there any easier target in the world than the middle class suburbanite?) but Dudley's admission that he doesn't entirely hate Harry, and that Harry did in fact save his life, carries a genuine emotional weight. So the Dursleys depart in the company of two utterly forgettable Order of the Phoenix members, and we never hear from them again. From here on in we live forever in the magical world of Hogwarts, where fourteen year olds fight dragons, and Dark Lords are desperate to get teaching gigs. Chapter Four: The Seven Potters In which Harry's mail client goes down. After the Dursleys leave, the Order of the Phoenix show up, and explain that Potter can't escape by magic, because he's still underage, and the "Trace" which detects magic being performed around underage wizards would allow the Ministry to locate him instantly. So instead they decide to go by broomstick / Thestral / flying motorbike, with six "decoy" Potters, created using Polyjuice potion. It all goes a bit tits up. They run into a pack of thirty Death Eaters, who start flinging killing curses at them. Harry responds with the spells he learned in his second year duelling class, and manages to take out about half a dozen of the pursuing Death Eaters with Stupefy and Impedimentia charms, which they are clearly incapable of blocking. Note that since Harry is "still under the Trace," his use of underaged magic should have immediately notified the Ministry to his presence, allowing them to track him trivially. After all, that's why they couldn't just Apparate out of there in the first place. Right? So Harry and the rest of the Order fight the Death Eaters. During this battle, however, the Order of the Phoenix suffers a Terrible Loss.

"Hedwig - Hedwig -" But the owl lay motionless and pathetic as a toy on the floor of her cage. He could not take it in, and his terror for the others was paramount.

Leaving aside the fact that I've seen better writing on fanfiction.net (I mean really "He could not take it in and his terror for the others was paramount," what the fuck?), I think it's telling that so far the casualties of this most dark and terrible war are a teacher who we never actually saw in a previous book, and Harry's pet owl. But the whole thing is presented in this massively portentous way that says This Is A Significant Event. I'm sorry, but it's an owl. Not only is it an owl, but it's an owl whose sole function is to deliver Harry's post. So they fight the Death Eaters, and one of them gets his cowl knocked off to reveal that he is none other than ... ... ready for this? There's a lot of these big revelations coming up... ... he is none other than Stanley Shunpike! Stanley Shunpike ... the guy off Knight Bus? Yeah, I don't care either. Harry tries to disarm Stan with his trademark Expelliarmus curse, at which point Stan can identify him immediately. This is apparently significant, although since the Ministry is supposed to be able to tell the moment he performs underage magic of any sort anyway, I'm not sure why he's so shocked. Some thing go wrong, and Hagrid flying tackles a Death Eater and gets all badly hurt and stuff. The next chapter is called "Fallen Warrior." But don't worry, Hagrid doesn't die. Because people only die if it won't get in the way of the plot. I wish I'd had JK Rowling to explain death to me when I was a child. Chapter Five: Fallen Warrior In which JK Rowling talks to us about the nature of death. Hagrid doesn't die. He and Harry are taken in by Mr and Mrs Tonks, Harry's tooth (which got knocked out in the previous chapter) is regrown by magic. Harry and Hagrid travel by Portkey to the Burrow. Everybody else shows up one at a time, taking much longer than they needed to. Lupin gives Harry a stern talking to about not trying to disarm his enemies. You see, the Death Eaters don't understand the idea of disarming your opponent. They're far too evil to consider the advantages of being armed when your opponent isn't. Or something.

"Of course not," said Lupin, "but the Death Eaters - frankly most people! - would have expected you to attack back! Expelliarmus is a useful spell, Harry, but the Death Eaters seem to think it is your signature move, and I urge you not to let it become so!"

Essentially this little speech, like the bit about Dumbledore in chapter two, reads a lot like JK Rowling trying to pretend that her weaknesses as a writer are really deliberate character traits. The fact that Harry always uses Expelliarmus in a fight is a limitation of miss Rowling's imagination, her idea of non-evil things to do in a fight is strictly limited. Trying to claim that this is somehow saying something profound about Harry's naivete or his merciful nature is hogwash. Most everybody makes it back in one piece. George (of Fred and George) loses an ear, which apparently can't be cured because it's "Dark Magic". And Mad-Eye-Moody dies. Now, I kinda liked Mad-Eye, but the character I actually liked was Mad-Eye as played by Barty Crouch under the influence of Polyjuice potion. Now admittedly, that character is pretty much identical to the "real" Mad-Eye, but that's rather strong testimony to how poorly developed he actually was. This would all be fair enough, but JK then insists on making it very clear to us that there is Death happening and that Death is a very important part of the book, because it's important that children be told about Death. So we get glorious lines like:

Harry could not quite believe it. Mad-Eye dead; it could not be ... Mad-Eye, so tough, so brave, the consummate survivor ...

And...

Nobody seemed to know what to do. Tonks was crying silently into a hand-kerchief: she had been close to Mad-Eye, Harry knew, his favourite and his protegee at the Ministry of Magic.

And of course the execrable:

The suddenness and completeness of death was with them like a presence.

The first two are just the old show-don't tell problem, which JK never really got over. She's never really worked out how to convey something to her audience without just telling it to them directly. The last line, though, is just completely fucking amateurish. It's up there with "From my point of view, the Jedi are evil." Leaving aside the fact that, yet again, she's attempting to convey the information that the people in the room have been struck by the suddenness and completeness of death by saying "the suddenness and completeness of death was with them" she also seems to think that "was with them like a presence" is anything other than nonsense. I mean, how can something be with you without being like a presence? It's a completely empty simile. It's functionally equivalent to saying "the suddenness and completeness of death was with them like a thing" or "the suddenness and completeness of death was with them like a thing that was with them." I really hate this book. Chapter Six: The Ghoul In Pyjamas In which we get a plot dump about Horcruxes. In chapter six we have a refreshing change of pace. And by "refreshing" I mean "frustrating" and by "change of pace" I mean "slow to a painful crawl as we watch Harry and co sit around doing nothing for several days." So Bill and Fleur are getting married. We spend an inordinate amount of time talking about this. Mrs Weasley is entirely preoccupied with it. Presumably because she's a woman and therefore doesn't understand important things like war, death, and her son losing an ear. In chapter six, Harry Ron and Hermione explain to each other in great detail the plans they have made for their upcoming battle against Voldemort. So we learn how Hermione mind-raped her parents in order to keep them safe (she cries about this for four seconds, Harry and Ron do not comment). We learn how Ron has dressed up the Weasleys' pet Ghoul in an unconvincing red wig, so that nobody will suspect that he's really out to kill Voldemort. The thing that bugs me about this chapter is that it tries to provide answers to questions which I wouldn't have thought were important until JK drew attention to them. If the book had just been about Messers Potter, Weasley and Granger hunting some Dark Lord ass, I'd be totally onside. Putting this chapter in to "explain" why Voldemort doesn't just capture the Weasleys and torture the hell out of them just highlights how ludicrous it is that he doesn't. Hell, once he's taken over the Ministry of Magic, he could very easily haul in everybody Potter has ever cared about, and start hacking bits off of them until Harry gives himself up. But he doesn't. Because Ron has cunningly disguised a Ghoul as "Ron With a horrible disease and a completely different face". So they'll leave the Weasleys alone. They're considerate, those Death Eaters. The other thing we find out is that Hermione has a copy of Secrets of the Darkest Art, otherwise known as the Big Book of Horcruxes. She proceeds to explain in excruciating detail exactly how Horcruxes work. Because lord knows we wouldn't want anybody reading the book to draw their own conclusions about that sort of thing. That would imply that reading a work of fiction was something other than the process of learning facts about the author's world. We can't have that now can we. Similarly, we get things like:

"I wonder when Dumbledore removed it from the library ... if he didn't do it until he was headmaster, I bet Voldemort got all the instruction he needed from here." "Why did he have to ask Slughorn how to make a Horcrux then, if he'd already read that?" asked Ron. "He only approached Slughorn to find out what would happen if you split your soul into seven," said Harry.

Which, let's face it, reads like the Q&A section from JKR's official website. This isn't Harry talking to Ron, this is Rowling talking to her readers. At least, to the sorts of readers who ask that sort of question. The chapter ends with no progress having been made towards finding any of the Horcruxes. Chapter Seven: The Will of Albus Dumbledore In which Ginny kisses Harry Like She Has Never Kissed Him Before Chapter seven is a mystery dump. Harry wakes up shouting "Grigorovitch!" and we are left to wonder what this mysterious name means. It's Harry's birthday. Ron gets him a book about pulling chicks. Ginny kisses him as she has never kissed him before. The Minister for Magic shows up and tells Harry, Ron and Hermione that they have all been left stuff in Dumbledore's will. Then he makes an inept attempt to grill them for information. In Dumbledore's Will, Ron is left the Deluminator (the thing Dumbledore uses at the start of the first book to put out the lights in Privet Drive), Hermione is left a book of fairy tales, and Harry is left the Snitch from his first ever game of Quidditch. And the Sword of Godric Gryffindor, but he's not given that. We are then told that all of these gifts are Very Very Mysterious but that Dumbledore Must Have Had A Plan and therefore it is Important To Work Out What Each Of The Gifts Means. Once again, nothing happens. Ron tells Harry to keep his filthy vacillating hands out of his sister's long, sweet-smelling hair. Team Potter wonders why Dumbledore left them the bunch of crap he left them. And of course they wonder why the irritating old coot didn't tell them what was going on while he was still alive, or give Harry the Sword of Godric Gryffindor when he still had the chance.

"And why couldn't he have just told me?" Harry said quietly. "It was there, it was right there on the wall of his office during all our talks last year! If he wanted me to have it, why didn't he give it to me then?"

Going by previous form, the answer to this all important question about Dumbledore's already spurious motivation probably has something to do with love. Everybody gets ready for the wedding. Because a wedding is exactly what you should be thinking about when a Nazi wizard with no nose is taking over the world. Chapter Eight: The Wedding In which Voldemort takes over the world while Harry is at a wedding. One of the Weasleys marries one of the characters with a stupid accent. Harry is Polyjuiced into a red-headed stepchild so that he can hide amongst the guests. Harry then has to babysit an offensive aunt of the Weasley clan, who says horrible things about everybody. Harry, being a man who has his priorities sorted out, decides that the best use of his time, seeing as how he's destined to destroy the Dark Lord and everything, is to get really obsessive about Dumbledore's family history. To be fair to the kid, it's not like he was going to be able to get anything done at the wedding anyway. So we learn more tedious crap about how Dumbledore's mother was like evil or something, and he had a sister who was a squib. We also learn ... ... get ready for another big revelation ... ... this one's really big ... ... no seriously ... we also learn that the Dumbledores used to live in Godric's Hollow! Doesn't that shed a whole new light on the other books? Can't you just see it all now, how Dumbledore's every glance, every gesture was just screaming "Harry! My family once lived in the same general location as your family!" Truly, we are in the presence of a master storyteller. We also find out that Grigorovitch was a wandmaker, that Voldemort is still evil, and that Voldemort has killed the Minister of Magic and taken control of the Wizarding government.

The Ministry has fallen. Scrimgeour is dead. They are coming.

Okay, I get it. It's punchy. But for the love of all that is holy, we're a hundred and thirty-three pages in, the Death Eaters have finally done something interesting, and we miss it because we're stuck following Harry, who is stuck at a wedding and angsting about his old headmaster. Chapter Nine: A Place To Hide In which Team Potter sits around doing nothing. Potter and his pals flee the wedding and hide out in a greasy spoon cafe, where they are set upon by Dolohov and Thorfin Rowle. Presumably these names mean something to somebody - perhaps to people who have religiously followed JK Rowling's "Wizard of the Month" updates on her website. These two Death Eaters fail to capture the Potterites, which should come as no surprise to anybody. They decide to modify the memories of these two men, in order to cover their escape. Because lord knows a couple of mindless zombies won't attract attention.

"But I've never done a memory charm." "Nor have I," said Hermione, "but I know the theory."

By "but I know the theory" she of course means "I mind-raped my parents into thinking they were completely different people who wanted to move to Australia, and by the way I told you fuckers that - like - two chapters ago and you didn't offer me any support or sympathy." They decide they need somewhere safe, and they decide to go to Grimmauld Place, which is apparently safe because the late, lamented Mad-Eye had set up "protections" there, so that Snape couldn't get in and kill them all (remember that, although JK Rowling told us categorically that Snape was a good guy, we're supposed to ignore this information and keep acting like we think he's a villain). These "protections" turn out to be a tongue-tying curse that lasts for eight seconds (and can't Snape cast spells silently anyway?) and a Spooky Dumbledore Ghost, which goes away once you tell it you aren't Snape. This chapter is mercifully short. Chapter Ten: Kreacher's Tale In which we are told firmly that Sirius black was NOT GAY. Harry pokes around Grimmauld place, finding Sirius' old collection of bikini model posters, photograph of himself at the age of one, and a letter from Lily Potter which basically reads: "Dear Sirius, I'm really glad we aren't going get horribly killed in the next six months. Baby Harry is wonderful and I love him very much. So much that I'll make him immune to dark magic by the sheer loving power of my loving loving love. Love Lily." And of course, the letter ends on this note:

Bathilda drops in most days, she's a fascinating old thing with the most amazing stories about Dumbledore, I'm not sure he'd be pleased if he knew! I don't know how much to believe, actually, because it seems incredible that Dumbledore...

The rest of the letter is missing. You fucking hack, JK Rowling. Look, I get it. You've got a bunch of Dumbledore backplot you want to give us. You've told us that. Just give us the plot dump, or don't give us the plot dump. I don't care at this stage. Nothing's going to be as cool as "he was Ron from the future" anyway. Next to Sirius' room is the bedroom of ... ... wait for it ... ... Sirius's brother: Regulus Arcturus Black. It's a good thing that he put his middle name on his door really. And a good thing that no two people in the entire Wizarding world have the same initials. So they've found RAB, but no magic locket of Horcruxness. They ransack the house, then realise that Mundungus probably nicked off with it. Bastard. So they go to Kreacher, and he gives them a bit of backstory which, unusually is genuinely touching. It turns out that crotchety old Kreacher was given to Lord Voldemort by Regulus, and Voldemort used him to "test" the defences around his locket Horcrux, making Kreacher drink the poison so that he could hide the artefact underneath it. Curiously, this led the Dark Lord to believe that his defences were completely secure, instead of the more sensible opinion that his defences could be breached by anybody with access to a tractable house-elf. Anyway, Kreacher was all wrecked by this, and when Regulus found out he turned against Voldemort (possibly the genocide was giving him the willies as well). He got Kreacher to take him back to the cave, drank the poison himself, and gave Kreacher the Horcrux with instructions that he should destroy it. Which is actually kind of sweet, and I'm damned certain Harry and co would never dream of sacrificing themselves for a house-elf. So they decide to be nice to Kreacher, and this gets him onside. They then send Kreacher looking for Mundugus, so they can get the Horcrux back off him. Chapter Eleven: The Bribe In which Harry Potter bravely lets a house-elf do his job for him. Harry Potter, realising that in order to defeat Voldemort he must use the Dark Lord's own methods, however despicable they might be, spends this chapter sitting on his arse doing nothing. Not that Voldemort has anything to fear: he's had decades to practice his sitting-on-his-arse-doing-nothing, and Harry's arse-sitting seems amateurish by comparison. So anyway. Harry sends Kreacher to get Mundungus back, so he can ask for the Horcrux. While he is sitting around waiting, Remus Lupin shows up and acts like an asshole. He informs Harry that Tonks is now pregnant, and therefore he has decided to join Harry on his quest, because werewolves shouldn't be allowed near small children or something. We also find out that Voldemort and his minions have continued their cunning plan to imitate the Nazis and have started making Muggle-Borns "register", and presumably wear little yellow stars as well, because in case you hadn't noticed the Death Eaters are a little bit like the Nazis and Voldemort's desire to wipe out the Muggle-Borns is a little bit like the Holocaust. Clever that, isn't it. Kudos to you JK Rowling. It's about time somebody took a stand against genocide. Anyway, I digress. Remus shows up and acts like an asshole. Harry acts like an asshole back, and they get into this huge "who can be the biggest asshole" competition. This shows us that Harry has "grown up" over the course of the books. We know this because he is now acting like a forty year old novelist thinks a teenager would act, rather than actually displaying any form of personality or motivation. Remus leaves to go back to his "wife and child", but not before giving us another one of the by now familiar "this is why this book totally makes sense and doesn't suck" speeches. When asked (very sensibly) why Voldemort doesn't just come into the open now that he's - y'know - taken over the goddamned world already, Lupin insists that:

"Voldemort is playing a very clever game. Declaring himself might have provoked open rebellion: remaining masked has crafted confusion, uncertainty and fear."

Once again, JK drops the "show, don't tell" ball, by having somebody inform us that Voldemort is being clever, when in fact all he's doing is letting Harry slip through his fingers by pulling his punches when he should be rounding people up by the truckload. I mean what, precisely, does Voldemort have to fear from open rebellion? And if he wants to create confusion uncertainty and fear, then I'm sure a couple of senseless massacres could do the same job with fewer administrative overheads. Eventually Kreacher, who is the only person around here still doing his job right, brings Mundungus back, and he reveals that he gave the amulet to Dolores "Wasn't I Killed by Centaurs Already?" Umbridge as a bribe. So Harry is off to the Ministry of magic. Chapter Twelve: Magic is Might In which we get yet another Polyjuice sequence. One thing I'll say for JK Rowling: you've got to respect her plot devices. While nothing will ever top the Room of Requirement for sheer brass-bollocked "yeah, this thing does whatever the hell I need it to" style, Polyjuice potion pulls its weight and then some. So Harry, Ron and Hermione polyjuice themselves into Ministry employees and walk right in through the front door. This reminds us, as if we didn't know already, that the Ministry is run by morons who, despite Polyjuice potion being common enough that an above-average twelve year old can whip up a batch, haven't thought to take any precautions against their members being waylaid and replaced by rebellious seventeen year olds. Perhaps Voldemort couldn't increase security too much on account of his not wanting to "provoke open rebellion." He's just too damned clever for his own good, that Lord Voldemort. This chapter is almost Tolkeinesque in its irrelevance. It essentially chronicles, in painstaking detail, the way in which Team Potter knock out some Ministry officials, polyjuice into them, and walk into the ministry. On their way in they hear terrible things about Mudbloods and Blood-Traitors being put on trial. For a Dark Lord, Voldemort is clearly very concerned about due process. The chapter takes its name from an irrelevant but kinda cool piece of window-dressing. The phrase "Magic is Might" is engraved onto the base of the new (black) statue which has replaced the old frolicking magical creatures motif.

Harry looked more closely and realised that what he had thought were decoratively carved thrones were actually mounds of carved humans: hundreds and hundreds of naked bodies, men, women and children, all with rather stupid, ugly faces, twisted and pressed together to support the weight of the handsomely robed wizards.

Now that's some serious Dark Lord style. But you'd think with his overall agenda of world conquest and crushing the Muggles and the Muggle-born beneath his pallid iron-shod heel, he'd be less concerned about hiding in the shadows. Oh, also in this chapter we find out some more shit about Dumbledore or something. And Snape has been made headmaster of Hogwarts. And Voldemort is still looking for this wand-maker guy. Next: The return of Dolores Umbridge, and more pointless backplot.

Themes: J.K. Rowling, Books, Young Adult / Children

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Comments (go to latest)

http://pozorvlak.livejournal.com/ at 20:39 on 2009-02-08

That, my friend, was awesome. You had at least twice as many quotable lines in that piece as JKR managed throughout the entire book.

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Rami at 06:53 on 2009-02-09

Welcome to Dan's Fans -- meetings are every Saturday at 11... ;-)

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Arthur B at 09:16 on 2009-02-09

You realise, of course, that there's only one way this can end: sooner or later someone, somewhere, is going to write Harry Potter fanfic where Dan is a character. (He could teach all the kids physics and he could be in a big snark feud with Snape and Snape will challenge him to a duel and Harry will be all GO DAN SHOW THAT MEANY WHO'S BOSS and Hermione will be all OH WOW PHYSICS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN MAGIC I AM TOTALLY A SCIENCE NERD NOW and Ron is all MAN IF I WERE GROWN UP I WOULD TOTALLY SMOOCH DAN RIGHT NOW and Dumbledore is all MAN IF EVERYONE I KISSED DIDN'T TURN INTO HITLER I WOULD TOTALLY SMOOCH DAN RIGHT NOW and Dan beats Snape in duel with science and Snape is all I WAS WRONG TO SAY SCIENCE IS LAME YOU SHOULD STAY HERE AT HOGWARTS AND TEACH US ALL THE WAY OF THE MUGGLES and Dan is all like NO WAY THE KIDS OF ALL NATIONS NEED ME and he turns around and punches Voldemort in the jaw so hard his head comes off and then he takes off and flies away to the Moooooooooooooon....)

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Wardog at 10:54 on 2009-02-09

But Dan doesn't have long dark hair, skin like freshly poured cream and violet eyes....

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Arthur B at 11:03 on 2009-02-09

Aaaand there's my cue to post a link to the Sparklypoo comic.

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https://me.yahoo.com/a/tjLTVHEducFb4rKDHU5DukBHtQcCbTVMEEq55v0CxV4-#5e156 at 19:43 on 2009-07-29

Brilliant, absolutely hilarious, I want to show the rest of the Harry Potter fanbase your review. I wonder if my inertia could ever be on a par with Voldemort's. "My inertia is with me like something that is with me."

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http://lunabell14.myopenid.com/ at 22:50 on 2010-07-27

I wonder if cutting out all of that unnecessary Dumbledore backstory would've helped the pacing, or at least cut down some of the reading. Seriously, even when it was first introduced, I couldn't help but think "Why are you telling us about this? How will this help with Harry's quest, at all?" And every time it was brought up, it just continued to irritate me. I honestly don't understand why her editors didn't insist she cut it out.

#Ferretbrain #Harry Potter #J.K. Rowling #Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows #Dan H

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thegeneralsnotebook · 6 years ago

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June Feature: New Block, New Ideas

Somewhere, out on the horizon, Set 11 is taking shape, principles of design being formed in some document, or perhaps in a set of prototype cards already making the rounds, or maybe even most of the way to the finished product by now. I don’t really know what the design and testing process actually looks like. But anyway, it’s coming, and that fact means that people like me can predict and recommend all that we like over what we’d like to see in it.

Most importantly, due to the recent changes in the game’s Block structure, it now seems entirely likely that Set 11 will be the start of a new Block. At the start of a new Block, the door is open to radical rethinks of the way that the game is played. We could potentially turn over new leaves for anything: for the feels and preferred archetypes of any of the colours, for the pace and structure of a typical match, or even for the broad idea of what each particular class of card even is. It’s a perfect time to open up our minds and rethink what a Mane Character should look like or be able to do. Because fundamental changes like that are exciting, and maybe open the door to new experiences none of us could have even dreamed of yet.

Now, all of that said, I’m not a professional game designer. So while I am going to be going over some new ideas for what I think we could see in Set 11, none of these should be taken with any authority. You don’t even have to like them. But I hope you at least think about them, and maybe come up with some of your own ideas of what you’d like to see from this game in the future.

Purple

I think that going through this process colour by colour is probably the easiest way to go, since so much of this game’s design is built around each colour’s identity and what it’s capable of doing. So, for no particular reason, let’s start with Purple. As mentioned in the most recent Meticulous Talks stream, about the turning of the set rotation in Core, when Odysseys Block rotates out Purple is going to lose a lot of its powerful Events and a good number of its good Friends too. Purple has been synonymous with control for pretty much all of this most recent Block, and at least right now it’s difficult to imagine how that might continue.

So I say, why should it? Let some other colour pick up the mantle of playing slow, and let’s instead dedicate some time to turning Purple into a fast colour. Defenders Block has already offered us some pieces of what that might look like, whether it be an aggro based on forcing single faceoffs with Immediate Events and forced movement, or one built on comboing cheap Events with a few discounts. Both mechanics are already well-within the colour’s established identity, so all that would really be required is to elaborate on them a bit. Give us a set with more cheap Events, probably a little more card advantage, and more worthwhile Friends like DoE Sunset Shimmer. It might take a couple of sets to develop things properly, true, but I also think that Purple could do with some time away from centre stage. Even just one set where it’s a bit of a B-tier colour, before it comes into its own later, kind of like how Yellow was in Defenders Block.

White

Again, following no particular order, the next colour in line is White. Historically, White has gone great in control because it has all of the recursion, and control decks love that. Historically, White has gone great in aggro because it has point acceleration, and it also has a fair few cards with efficient costs out of the hand. Far less often has White headlined either of those concepts, except for the rare successes piloted by madmen like Bugle. The colour has got a lot of great cards in it, and indeed some of them have been amazing explorations of design, and indeed have been among the most interesting cards in their sets. It almost feels wrong to say that we should have less of that moving forward, but that’s what I think I’d like to see.

What White really needs is a strong core, a sturdy foundation upon which to build real decks. As I’ve said above and will say below, other colours can do the heavy lifting of design experimentation in this Block. White already has a lot of cool and interesting cards, like Mistmane, or Song Spike, or even the strange Events like Cornered and Reliving History. It needs some bread and butter to start with though, and that begins with a good Mane. This is at the heart of what everyone always says about this colour, but it’s a big thing. You know what might be nice: something so dead simple that it’s interesting just for how vanilla it is. A Mane that’s confront-to-flip, and its Boosted side is 4 Power, no text. I’d be interested to know how that compares to everything else.

Or, if you really want to start something, take a cue from Mistmane and turn White into the mill colour. That would be nice too.

Yellow

Yellow is the success story of Defenders Block. Over the course of three sets, a colour that had spent years in a state of total irrelevance was resurrected to now sit poised to enjoy a dynasty of aggro dominance. It is indeed fair to say that the colour is losing basically nothing from the set rotation, and in the new metagame it’s going to keep on doing what it’s been doing.

Which means that I think now is a perfect opportunity to throw out the old playbook and try something new. Yellow aggro needs minimal attention to keep on keeping on. Instead, we have a few sets to experiment, and maybe lay the long-term groundwork for a Yellow control archetype. What is that going to look like? Personally, I think that Yellow should further explore minus-Power as a strategy. Now may finally be the time to implement -1 Power counters, and give them to Yellow as a way to augment its relatively weak form of removal. Or, we could take a cue from Distracted Lead Actress, and implement a suite of Yellow cards that care about the relative Power levels of things on the opponent’s side of the board.

Finally, with Appropriate Business Attire bringing in Persistent as a keyword that Yellow has an affinity for, we might see it get used more often across the colour. It’s a really powerful keyword, so it would obviously have to be used sparingly. But applied correctly it can be exactly the thing to take a card from good to great.

Blue

I should always preface any discussion of Blue with the disclaimer that it really isn’t my colour. I play around with it every so often in Limited and in the “wacky” constructed events, but in terms of serious play I’ve basically always avoided it. So surely anything I say about its future direction should be taken cautiously.

Blue, I think, is a colour that could use something new to hang its hat on. It spent Odysseys Block working hard on winning faceoffs, and in Defenders Block it was committed to movement-based synergy. Both wells are, I think, starting to run dry. (Although I was surely wrong about how much design space was in the movement area in the first place, so maybe there’s more there which I haven’t foreseen.) But personally, I would like to see the colour move in a different direction with the start of this new Block. I have no real preference whether that should be toward aggro or control, I just want to see something new.

One idea is to borrow Mentor from Magic, only instead to implement it as something like, “When you confront this card’s Problem, another character here gets …” something. On-confront triggers are very versatile and can work in all kinds of decks, so it wouldn’t push the colour in any particular direction. Plus the concept sounds generally within Blue’s wheelhouse, so I think it should work.

Another possibility is to bring back Teamwork, but done slightly differently. To wit, rather than a continuous modifier, make it an activated ability. Or, reduce it from affecting everyone to a specific target, chosen when the ability is activated. Both of these make it a bit harder to use the ability, which hopefully would allow more powerful text to get used on the cards.

Orange

Similar to White above, the elephant in the room that needs to be mentioned first is that Orange needs to have a nice foundation to work with, starting with a generically good Mane. As colour identities go, Orange might actually be the better choice to have the vanilla four Power Mane, come and think of it.

Yet I think that this colour has a lot of potential to move forward within the strategies that it’s currently exploring. So Orange for one probably doesn’t need a complete rethink as a colour. The discard synergy has run its course, I think, but instead we can keep focusing on the +1 Power counter aggro that started in Seaquestria. One possibility I’d like to see is a ‘Transcend’-type mechanic, where putting a certain amount of +1 Power counters on a card grants it access to more powerful text. This is somewhat similar to Bulk Biceps, Get Swole, but I’m thinking of something more dramatic. Again, if we’re willing to borrow from Magic, I’d prefer to physically swap out the card for a more advanced form. That probably can’t happen, though.

On the other side of the coin, now that Fumes is a thing, maybe Orange can go back to exhausting things as a form of control, only now it might actually work! And we can all just kinda’ whistle and pretend that Odysseys Block didn’t happen.

Pink

Similar to Purple at the start of this article, I think that the time might be nigh for Pink to spend some time skulking in the shadows and thinking about everything that it’s done. Similar to Blue, I also think that what Pink really needs is something new to focus itself around. Eccentric has finally been built into something worth using, and its removal suite has gotten into a pretty good spot. What the colour really needs is something new to make its own. And again, it’s okay if it takes a set or two to build itself up into that spot.

What I think could be great for the colour are effects like Snips and Snails up there. Effects that require retiring Friends as an additional cost. Party Hard from Equestrian Odysseys is another great example. Pink is the best colour right now for token generation, but it suffers from the fact that its tokens are literally just one-Power bodies with nothing else on them. Indeed, that makes Pink the perfect colour to have cards that require retiring Friends to achieve their fullest effects. And, at least from my perspective, I’d prefer effects like Party Hard to those like Snips and Snails. More Events or text like “As an additional cost to play this card you may retire any number of Friends. If you do, X happens for each one you retired.” Or something similar.

Now, obviously, doing something like this would be a really bad idea if Mane Six were still legal (or at least, that card’s existence would seriously constrict this design space). So I’d also just say that if we do go down this direction, we have to ban Mane Six as we start. I apologize if you’re sorry to see that card go, but it’s probably better that way.

Conclusion

All told, what I want to see with a new Block is some radical change. That could come from completely new mechanics in a few colours. It could come from rethinking fundamental concepts of what a Mane Character can be or do. It could come from experimenting with new ways to play cards and build decks. But now is a time for rebirth and renewal. I can hardly wait.

#mlpccg #mlp:ccg

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puppyexpressions · 6 years ago

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10 Myths About Border Collies

Myth 1: I have small children, so I want a puppy. Without a doubt, this is the most common reason people want a puppy. A sweet, small puppy just seems like the best choice for sweet, small children. You know that cute Kodak commercial with the puppies climbing all over the giggling little boy? Have you ever noticed how short it is? That’s because they could only film for a few seconds before the welts rose, the blood dripped, and the boy began to scream for his mother. Puppies have needle-teeth that they happily sink into anyone who walks by. They also have sharp nails that scratch when they jump up -- and on little Ryan, those front feet land right around his face. Puppies leave “presents” that your toddler always seems to find before you do. Puppies wake your children during the night. And a puppy doesn’t know the difference between his stuffed toy and Sarah’s Piglet that she MUST have to fall asleep. And suppose you get a puppy when little Morgan is 2. In six months, Morgan will be about 1 inch taller and 3 pounds heavier. However, the 8-month-old puppy will now be as tall as Morgan and outweigh her by 20 pounds. And those baby teeth will have been replaced by big snappers that need to chew. Of course, puppies and small children do successfully co-habitate. But, in our experience, your child will go through far less Neosporin and Band-Aids with a calmer 2 + year old dog who is road-tested with children. Myth 2: It’s better to get a puppy. With an older dog, you never know what you’re getting. Seems to make sense, except the exact opposite is true. All puppies are cute; all puppies love everyone. It’s not until a dog hits sexual maturity that some innate behavioral problems start to surface. We can’t even estimate how many calls we’ve had from people who paid thousands of dollars for a purebred puppy, who is now a year or two old and biting people, attacking other dogs, or engaging in some oddball neurotic behavior. Purebred is not the same as well bred, and sometimes it feels like the disreputable breeders grossly outnumber the responsible ones. The truth is this: when we list a 4-month-old puppy, we can only guess what kind of adult she’ll make. When we list an 18-month-old dog, we can predict pretty accurately what kind of dog you’ll have forever. Myth 3: If you train your dog right, he’ll stay in the yard without a fence. Many people believe this, right up until the moment the dog is hit by a car, eats poison in the neighbor’s garage, or is stolen. We insist on a fence or leash walks. Rescue dogs are typically either strays (which means they have a history of wandering) or owner-surrenders (which means they’re going to go look for their ex-owner first chance they get). We just can’t risk it. Myth 4: When I was growing up, we had a PERFECT Border Collie. No, you didn’t. Trust me, he was only perfect because you were 8 and didn’t have to clean up after him and be responsible for him. I know you believed he was perfect, but you also believed in Santa and honest government then, too. I had a perfect BC named Max when I was growing up. He died in my freshman year of college, and has since, in family lore, gone on to be canonized. St. Max. Bow your head when you say it. Everyone in my family seems to forget the time St. Max was hit by a car he was chasing. Or the time he bit the kid biking by. Or how he used to sneak in and sleep on the furniture when no one was home. Or the time he had diarrhea all over the hardwood floors. Or how he used to eat the Christmas ornaments off the bottom half of the tree. Since I’ve been an adult, I’ve never had a perfect Border Collie--but every single one of them was perfect for me. Myth 5: Border Collies stop being puppies around a year old. BUUUUZZZZZ! I’m sorry. Try 2 or 3 for most. Many Border Collies don’t calm down and hit their stride until they’re 4 or 5. Myth 6: I want a dog without dominance issues, so I want a female. In the wacky world of Border collies, that’s just not true. For starts, it’s impossible to make gender-based absolutes. But once you spend time around Border Collies, you’ll start to notice there are plenty of hyper, dominant females out there. You’ll also notice lots of mellow, roll-with-the-punches males (especially after they make that all-important trip to Dr. Knife). It all depends on the individual dog, but don’t think for a minute that a female is a sure ticket to a passive, submissive pooch. Myth 7: My 8 month old Border Collie is biting people. He’s not lunging or growling, but he makes little nips on arms and legs. I can’t keep an aggressive dog. The secret here is to look at what the dog has been bred to do. Border Collies herd. It’s what they do. And chances are, that’s all he’s doing to your friends and family. This is called mouthing. It’s what happens when those cute little puppy bites go uncorrected. And if your dog’s doing it, he will continue to do it--and do it harder and stronger--until you DO correct it. Fortunately, it is relatively easy to fix in most dogs. There’re lots of tips on the internet (just search for “dog mouthing”) and your vet can probably help as well. If the problem is really out of hand, you may need to call in a trainer for a few sessions. Myth 8: I’m unsure about getting a rescue dog, because I’m afraid he won’t bond to me. That sound you hear is all the people with rescued dogs falling over laughing. Because the exact opposite is nearly always true--your rescue dog will CLING to you. Look at it from the dog’s perspective. She’s spent the bulk of the last year on a 6-foot chain in someone’s back yard because she committed the unconscionable sin of no longer being a puppy. At some point during the day, someone may remember to bring her food and water. The only attention she gets is when they yell at her for barking. Finally, they take her for a car-ride--dumping her in a wooded area where she can have a “fighting chance.” Despite everything, she waits there for their return or tries to get back home. She finds water somewhere. She raids trashcans and gets sick. If she’s extremely lucky, she survives long enough for an animal lover to find her and bring her to the shelter. Then she sits in the loud, scary shelter run, starting to lose faith that her family will ever find her. The kennel people are nice, but she is one of a hundred needy dogs they have to care for. Finally, the shelter calls us. And you take her home. You not only bring her into your house, you give her her own bed and bowl, and a crate where she feels safe. You speak quietly. When she messes on the carpet, you don’t seem to mind--you just take her outside and then clean it up. You feed her regularly AND give her toys and treats and Nylabones. She sleeps in your room. She may even have a big brother or sister to play with. She gets kisses. And when she goes out in the car, she always comes back.

Your rescue dog’s biggest fear is that you will spontaneously combust.

She’s not going to let you out of her sight for one minute. People with rescue dogs learn to function with a 70 pound shadow following us everywhere. That said, there are some dogs who just never learned to connect with people, but that becomes apparent very quickly--long before we place him with you. Myth 9: Border Collies are so smart they practically train themselves. Wrong. Think about it- the dog is smart, so he learns to figure things out. He may housetrain easily, learn basic obedience easily, but what else can he learn? My BC has learned to open doors, steal laundry, and climb a tree. He’s also learned that he can entertain himself by digging or barking. What makes him stop digging or barking? Learning something new and getting a lot of exercise- every day. Not once a week, every day. BCs are like that super-smart nerdy kid in Chemistry class- he successfully completes the class experiment, and then blows up the lab because he wants to see how the chemicals interact. Super smart kids make super big messes. Myth 10: I don't want to have my dog spayed or neutered because it's not natural/ she should be able to have a litter/I want my children to see the miracle of birth/etc. If everyone prevented irresponsible breeding, we'd be happily out of business. Do not humanize your dog--no one's asking you to neuter yourself. Your dog will be healthier and more comfortable once s/he's shifted into neutral--and will also be a much more pleasant companion. Neutered male dogs roam less, mark less territory, and are generally less aggressive. Spayed female dogs avoid the messy and annoying heat cycles, and are not at risk for unwanted pregnancy. And both males and females are less likely to get certain illnesses. As for the miracle of birth, well, there's another rite of passage occurring to 20 million dogs a year in this country, 25% of them purebred. It happens every day at your local animal shelter. But most parents are not as eager for their children to see that.

#border collie #border collies

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kazziemuse · 7 years ago

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Hey Arnold! The Jungle Movie - Review!

My History with Hey Arnold!

Hey Arnold! It’s about time! Before I dive into the Jungle Movie itself, a note from history and the person writing this review. At the time of this writing, I am 29 years old. Yes, I am a late 80’s baby! And with that, I grew up in the 90’s…When we didn’t all have cell phones, the internet, online multiplayer gaming, and going outside to explore was daily life. What else was good about the 90’s? The cartoons…and, one specifically? Hey Arnold.

I remember at the time, Hey Arnold was a new thing in 1996. It would air during a two-hour time slot dedicated to after school cartoons called CITV. My Nan would pick me up from school at 3:00pm, and we would be home by 3:30pm, just missing the first cartoon. That was ok though, because beyond all else, my favorite by far was Hey Arnold. I used to sit with my Nan watching, and because Hey Arnold was SUCH a real-life show, it got my curiosity running wild. There was so much in this show that grabbed me, that taught me and that made me feel certain emotions for the first time. I would spend hours thinking about episodes and bugging my nan with questions about what we just saw. It must have driven her crazy.

In the many years that I watched CITV after school, not many cartoons from that time period stood out to me as well, apart from of course…Hey Arnold. And, I have fond memories of watching it with my Nan who, sadly passed away in the year 2000. I was 12 years old.

Hey Arnold “concluded” a few years later. And while I still loved the show, I was starting to move onto other things. Still waiting for TJM which, never came. In those early days of dial up internet, it was hard to find information if you didn’t know what you were doing. And thus, I entered my teenage years with the Hey Arnold book closed…But, for how long?

Fast forward to my early mid-twenties. OMG life, right? Real life? This sucks. Crisis after crisis…Let’s try and dive back into something that gave me some good feelings and thoughts. I know! I will dive back into some cartoons…Lets rewatch some childhood favorites, such as Recess and Hey Arnold.

Re-watching the Hey Arnold series as an adult was like watching a different show entirely. The emotion, the truth about how life can be so cruel, the real world problems these characters faced and most of all, Helga’s undying love for Arnold which of course, I shipped immediately. After finishing the Journal, I was devastated to find out the story of TJM being cancelled. I researched, signed the petitions and with little hope of Hey Arnold ever coming back…I counted my blessings and moved on into other fandoms, which would consume the next 5-6 years in terms of obsessions.

It wasn’t until about two years ago, I stumbled across the news that TJM would happen. And honestly? I was excited but not ecstatic. I had moved on and completely obsessed with other fandoms. More TJM information started to fly around, and I slowly started to become obsessed again. It’s only really in the last year or so, that I have re-watched the whole series, followed the news and subscribed to YouTubers. And with that, I’m hooked again.

Leading up to The Jungle Movie

So, with my history with Hey Arnold covered, was that really important? Yes! Because like many of fans, it’s a story of growing up with this show and how returning to the things you loved can bring back the same happiness. But now it’s time to dive into The Jungle Movie!

Where to begin? Craig gave us so much insight to this movie to get one internally screaming! But, at the same time, he didn’t reveal too much as to give us the whole plot. The balance was truly perfect. We would have the answers that we wanted. Where are his parents, and would Arnold and Helga ever be?

SDCC 2017. The first sneak peek is shown and boy! I remember that afternoon so well. My heart was skipping beats watching. Look at this! Look at the animation, how spot on the voices are, look at how true they are to the original characters. It felt like an absolute dream! No revival can be this good? Can it? The more and more footage and screenshots that got released…The more and more I got obsessed and excited. Honestly, at first I wasn’t too keen on Arnold and Helga’s animation. I felt at times it was too different from the main series, especially Helga. That point aside, we were still getting The Jungle Movie soon! And I’m sure it’s not going to ruin anything for me. Hell, it might even grow on me!

In the leading months and weeks to TJM being aired, it had become my main obsession again. Craig’s weekly to daily Instagram posts became something I kept checking my phone for; the previews got me running from my desk at work to a toilet, so I could watch and fangirl in private. This was amazing! I knew this ship would soon be canon! But also, we would find out the answer to the biggest Hey Arnold Mystery of all time: Arnold’s parents.

By now, I was part of Facebook groups, being as active as possible in YouTubers live streams, meeting other fans at ComicCon, and the best part…Making friends within the Hey Arnold community. I was so ready for The Jungle Movie.

The Jungle Movie

As a 10-year-old watching the show back in season 1, I would’ve had a glass of orange juice. Now, as a 29-year-old watching the premier of The Jungle Movie for the first time, I had a glass of wine in hand. The movie kicked off, and the palpitations in my heart were disturbing my comfort. But I didn’t care, Arnold was back on my screen for the first time in many years.

The first dream sequence was painful and emotional. He finds them, but they keep leaving him? This must be a huge fear for him. The wine is needed and straight away this film is grabbing me, it had my emotions from the first scene. Buckle up girl…It’s going to be a long night! Arnold subsequently wakes up, and the main plot of the film is evident. But, this is a cartoon! Cartoons are meant to be funny! Luckily, Hey Arnold has that balance of comedy and emotion, because here enters Grandpa and Grandma to smooth over that first hill of feels. The boarders haven’t changed apart from a slight change in voice, but nothing that’s upsetting. And a pig eating bacon? No I quite agree, that is not ok haha!

With Arnold meeting Gerald on his stoop with friendship thumb wiggle, accompanied by familiar backing of jazz music, it’s apparent that Hey Arnold has kept that original vibe. And I couldn't be more excited to see what was in store! Like bumping into Helga in the next scene. Classic! Helga’s introduction into the movie was our typical old Helga. Leaving her temporary home at the beeper emporium while arguing with her father Bob.

The Jungle Movie has aged with the current time in terms of technology. The characters are only a year older from the original series. Beepers (or, pagers as they are known here in the UK) are not a ‘thing’ anymore with the ever-growing cell phone industry. A small but clever gag was Phoebe explaining what a beeper actually was to our younger audience watching. On another note, Bob’s company is failing as beepers are now obsolete. You get what you deserve Bob!

We see our main characters bump into each other just like tradition. Helga’s behavior hasn’t changed (thankfully). She is still love struck, but quickly raising her defensive walls (shout out to Francesca Marie Smith for keeping her character so true). But one thing that really struck me about this encounter was Arnold. He was reacting to her differently as he would in the original series. Instead of his normal frustration at Helga scolding him, he just smiles, offers to help her up and laughs to her attempts to push him away. “Whatever you say, Helga” with an almost flirtatious look on his face. Wait WAIT, why is he acting like this? Is this a call back to him knowing her feelings after the confession at FTi? Very interesting!

We move onto what seemed like a classic episode of Hey Arnold. Arnold and Gerald working as a team to win a contest. Helga scheming to help then win in a hope to win his affection, and ultimately them winning leading onto the main plot of the movie. I thought this was an incredibly clever call back. It was like being back in that Hey Arnold magic. It felt so true and pure to the original series.

Arnold Shortman, A 10-year-old signing his passport and confirming a long term mystery of his surname. Which was right under our noses for the last 20 years. So, Mr. Shortman, you promised your Grandpa not to search for your long lost parents. Your grandma is hilariously dressed up as a Jungle explorer. Keeping her wacky antics is nothing but a pleasure to watch. Are you ready to go? What could possibly go wrong?

Olga is coming! What could possibly be worse for Helga? Again, the writing stays true to the original show. Helga living in Olga’s shadow and being neglected by her father in favor of Olga. Sad but true. I feel that the amount of neglect Helga experiences from her dysfunctional family reflects on the way she feels her emotions so strongly. She has a lot of love to give and just wants to be loved in return. She is so used to disappointment and neglect which is why she puts up her defensive walls and bullies people away. She doesn’t want to get hurt. The only thing she can express is anger. I feel that is why it is so difficult for her to show the real love filled Helga. She is expressing herself in the only way she knows possible that will keep her safe. But over time we see her brave enough to let her true self seep through…More on this later!

We see our favorite class of PS 118 saying goodbye to parents and loved ones. A huge call out to Mr. Simmons, who is saying goodbye to his gay partner. We don’t see LGBT awareness much in cartoons. As someone who is part of the LGBT community myself, I felt this was a very warming addition. Thank you Craig and team! On the subject of Mr. Simmons… How hilarious was he with his agenda? From the fictional city of Hillwood, to the fictional country of San Lorenzo, my friends, welcome to the jungle.

Here we are guys, after how many years, speculation and imagination…We are finally here with Arnold and his class in San Lorenzo! But remember to be at the docks at 3:00pm to catch the boat down river. Our captain is Eduardo; anything suspicious about him? Many of us from the get-go were suspicious about “Eduardo.” Now here he is, in front of us ready to pilot this boat, and straight away he is fixated on Arnold. And what the hell did he say about tuna anyway? (Yes, I know it was Fortune ;)) Sure, it COULD be his parent’s best friend. We don’t actually have any recent images of him and he may have aged…I mean…He seems friendly, welcoming and genuine. So far anyway, right? But we all know…this “Eduardo” fellow has a huge part to play and we all know it’s not going to be in Arnold’s favor.

It’s our PS118 students as funny as they were 15 year ago. And, I for one am so happy to see them keeping us entertained with their old antics. Arnold, however, is away from his friends and with “Eduardo,” speaking of his parents and hoping to find some answers. But remember, he promised not to go looking for them and Arnold is a boy of his word…right?

I felt Arnold was more out of character than anyone in this movie. But who can blame him? He has the opportunity that he has waited for his whole life: to find his missing parents. With such an opportunity, Arnold takes a risk under false assumptions, which inevitably leads himself and his friends to danger.

Speaking of Arnold being out of character and his development…something stuck out to me and few other fans about his behavior towards certain friends. We see Arnold obviously concerned for his friends’ safety and how he is struggling to keep composed after he is sworn to secrecy by “Eduardo.” Gerald, his best friend of whom Arnold never hides anything from, is the first to confront him. And to my shock, Arnold hides the truth even though Gerald is not oblivious to the fact something is going on…Arnold?

Instead, Arnold opens up to Helga…HELGA. And poor Helga…she has struck up the courage to finally (and again) confront Arnold about her feelings. Hoping that her efforts to get him there to San Lorenzo had nudged at his heart strings, Helga is frustrated when Arnold opens up about his fears of getting his friends in danger while he plans to look for his parents. Again, he opens up to Helga, and not Gerald. Is this maybe a sign of his feelings and trust in her?

We can understand Helga’s frustration and feels of rejection when Arnold dodges out again of her confession. Even though technically, they were having two completely separate conversations. Helga takes this as the last straw. To all of our gasps, she gives up all hope of Arnold retuning her feelings and destroys the most precious thing in her possession since day 1: her heart shaped locket of Arnold. Devastating right? Brainy?

The vibe of the movie is certainly starting to take a turn into unfamiliar territory. Craig Bartlett said, “Friendships will be tested,” and I guess, these are those tests. When you think things couldn't go anymore wrong for our gang, well…it does. They are attacked by river pirates. Eduardo, claiming Lasombra is behind the attack, tells Arnold to hide and forget about his friends…hmm…still trust him, Arnold? By this point, any trust I had in this guy was completely gone.

Epic sword battles, fights and rapids. Our PS 118 friends take the most dramatic journey of their lifetime. Clinging on for dear life, we are all on the edge of our seats hoping that no one falls overboard…Even Curly, who is having the time of his life up on the crows nest. After a rough ride, we end up ship wrecked. We can breathe a sigh of relief that no one is thrown overboard, apart from poor Eugene. But who didn’t see that one coming? But never fear, He’s ok! As he is his own lifeboat.

With some truths coming to light about Arnold being involved with why the attack happened, trust and friendships begin to suffer. It was heart breaking seeing Arnold being avoided by his friends…Only “Eduardo” there to help him up during their long-suffering hike to the safety of the camp. But for me, Rhonda absolutely stole the spotlight here… Come one, We are all Rhonda…taking selfies, refusal to part with one’s luggage and being absolutely traumatized at the thought of hiking through the jungle. Her reactions and deliverance had me laughing so hard. That is certainly something I would like to see more of in Hey Arnold future.

The montage of our PS 118 class traveling through the jungle was a chance to demonstrate some of our characters individually. It was fun to see Nadine having the time of her life collecting weird and wonderful bugs, Sid crying on the floor after the unfortunate demise of his beetle boots (good call back there), and Rhonda struggling to just do…well anything. These kids never fail to make me laugh, even today! They all have something special and individual about them.

We are about halfway through the movie now, and if you made it this far, thank you for sticking with me! Now, let’s move on to what we have suspected all along…“Eduardo,” right? Wrong…if you didn’t suspect something of this guy, then go back and watch again, because this guy had something about him from the get-go. Our “Eduardo” is actually none other than the film’s villain…Lasombra. DUN DUN DUNNNNNN.

We then learn the true intentions of the class trip to San Lorenzo. It was all a scheme conducted by Lasombra just to get Arnold there. Unfortunately for our football headed amigo…he’s already put a lot of his trust in this guy. And he was wrong to trust someone who won’t give out a Wi-Fi password.

As the story continues, I felt nothing but mixed emotions. I found myself laughing, and then soon wiping tears from my eyes. We have so many sad moments that tug at our heart strings. Helga’s monologues expressing her love for Arnold have always been some of the most rewarding scenes from the whole Hey Arnold series. The writing and deliverance from Francesca is nothing short of spectacular, and let’s face it. We’ve all been there! Arnold giving up whilst in-prisoned hit me so hard. His voice was full of regret and defeat. Arnold, the boy who is always so optimistic, has given up.

It takes Helga to talk him out of his depressive state, and to accept the challenges ahead of them. Helga is already sticking to her guns and coming out of her comfort zone to assist Arnold. Seeing her comforting him and really being there to offer her support, which Arnold accepts is just so heart-warming! A sign of things to come with these two? Maybe.

Secret pathways, using beepers to create a homing beacon, and a pig eating shrimp cocktail in first class? The only thing missing from this movie is violence…wait no, it’s got that as well. I was surprised to see such brutal deaths of Lasombra’s guards. Although it’s kept fairly ‘clean’ with no blood (thankfully), we do see a guy getting hit by multiple arrows, one guy plummet to his death, and another bunch of guys getting crushed by rocks. That’s quite a few on screen ‘implied’ deaths. Who said TJM had no action?

I doubt this movie could mess me up more than it already had, but boy was I wrong. The emotions were about to kick into overdrive, and I have only had 1/4 bottle of wine left by the time Arnold, Helga and Gerald had found the Green Eyes. The answers to all our questions of the past fifteen years were soon to be revealed. As a long time fan of the show, it was so special getting to see these mysterious beings for the first time. The way they acted, spoke, lived and looked was something one could only imagine for all this time. Not only were we about to get our answers, but so was Arnold.

The hidden city of the Green Eyes was absolutely spectacular. The animation and the amount of detail put into this habitat was an eye saw which dropped jaws. We soon learn of the heartbreak that happened to this society: the adults were all asleep…for the past nine years! While nine years of sleep sounds like a luxury to most of us, joking aside, for these kids they have been functioning on their own for all that time. We start to learn about the final moments recorded of Arnold’s parents: the murals. WOW, was this hard-hitting. It’s the first sign of his parents that this poor kid has had in years, and you can tell just how desperate he is for answers.

The final pieces of the puzzle were starting to fall in place. It was just down to Arnold to do that final act. The problem being, it’s still a puzzle. And Arnold has no idea what to do. Before he can even start to figure it out…yep, what we were all waiting for: Lasombra.

Now, how many of you expected a young chief to throw a blade at Lasombra…A BLADE. I mean how badass was that? Followed by our trio and gang of Green Eyes kicking the wind out of this guy, unfortunately he was armed with a sword, and no one wants to go up against that unarmed. So, we all know what’s going to happen now. Lasombra is going to take what he came for with Arnold in tow.

Dragging an unwilling Arnold by his side, Lasombra reaches the (classic) rickety old wooden footbridge with the certain death plunge below. As they cross, we see Helga and Gerald appear behind them. Despite Arnold’s warnings and pleads, Helga and Gerald continue without any considering for their own safety. I mean wow, this thing is hanging by a thread, and these two kids are attempting to cross just to save Arnold. Can we get a round of applause for completely bravery and loyalty here? But this is a cartoon, that bridge won’t snap right? RIGHT?

Arnold has a dilemma in front of him. He has to solve this puzzle fast before his friends plummet to their deaths. OK that’s cool…it’s not like I’m already on the edge of my seat or anything. Arnold faces the Corazón with his amulet in tow. Sweat pouring down his head and full of determination to save his friends, we see his green eye tracing the steps needed to unlock the treasure inside. Once unlocked, Arnold is pushed to aside and Lasombra looks directly at the heart of gold in all of its pure beauty. Unfortunately for him…he is not as pure and ends up with a poisonous dart in his forehead.

Screaming in pain and heading for the cliff edge which, he inevitably falls off, (yeah byeeeee). Arnold is finally free to help his friends who are still clinging on for dear life. Our hero slips, falls and only just manages to grab onto the same plank Gerald and Helga are clinging onto. Now, top up that glass of wine here guys, because this is where is I almost downed a whole glass. Arnold and Helga meet each others eyes and they just widen. You didn’t need any dialog to know what was going through their heads here. Arnold was finally seeing Helga for her true self, her bravery, her loyalty and that she really does love him. Here they are about to die, and all of this is too late to act upon. They just stare at one another waiting to die, talking only with their eyes. Would somebody please throw them a life line before I jump at my TV?

That life line is finally delivered from the REAL Eduardo, and I can finally breath. There is hope! One thing that grabbed me about what happens next, while Eduardo starts explaining what has happened and how he has been following them. Helga is taken in by the Corazón. Now, I remember back in The Journal, Miles stating to not to look directly into it because they say it’s too sacred. But yet here is our girl Helga…mesmerized and staring directly at it with her hands placed on her heart. No poisonous darts being fired at her. Yes…I was worried for a moment there.

Of course, Lasrombra isn’t dead and climbs his way back up the mountain to finish what he started. With the two fully grown adults getting into a fight over a mustache, pushed and thrown. Helga is the first to run in to assist dragging a bag to place over Lasrombra’s head and using her fist “Old Betsy” to smash him in the face a good few times. This girl is just outstanding and an overall badass. Unfortunately, we see the Corazón fall off the cliff edge to be lost(?). Lasombra finally meets his ends once the poison takes its final effect and he once again falls to his death. “He died like he lived, full of poison.” 10/10 for the sass there Eduardo.

From one heart wrenching scene to another. Now, with Eduardo in tow, he is able to translate the native Green Eye’s language. Once back at the hidden city, Arnold is finally told his parents are there, and that the Green eyes will take them to where they lie. Um, Excuse me? Where they LIE? Could that mean? No…you can’t do this to me…after all these years and the last hour of pure emotional feelings. You’re now going to tell me they are laying there peacefully? I honestly by this point was on invested into the story being told that I hadn’t put two and two together like most of you have already. Instead, I was off my sofa bitterly nose to my TV in suspense to finally find out what happened. As Arnold entered the room, seeing them there pale-faced, sleeping so peacefully hand in hand…I whispered no to myself while a stream of tears started running down my face. I was literally Arnold by this point. After all those years here they are…And here is Arnold seeing them for the first time.

“Are they-?” No, It’s the sleeping sickness. OF COURSE! Wait that means…they are alive? They are alive? I actually laughed as I let out a small laugh in relief. And no, I really didn’t catch on that they had caught the sleeping sickness, not in 15 years. As it was explained that the Corazón was the cure, my heart fell again. But no, it can’t end like this, There HAS to be a way right? Seeing Arnold crying over his parents’ lifeless bodies while Helga and Gerald look on in complete shock was heart breaking. But of course, our girl Helga has a solution.

I honestly didn’t know how Helga would fix this. They knew what they needed and what they had to do. But, they had lost the Corazón. When Helga approached Arnold with a possible solution, I fully expected her to hand him the Corazón. I thought maybe she had taken it while she was staring at it. That was the only thing my mind could muster in those few seconds. I never expected her to open out her hands and present Arnold her golden locket with his picture in. That object that has been a huge symbol of her life for so many years, she is sacrificing so much in that one moment. It’s not only her most precious possession, it’s her true identity. Everything she has kept hidden and inside for so long was out on offer to help Arnold.

This selfless act was causing more and more tears to flow from my eyes. I later thought about this more in depth and theorized the following: Helga mentions her locket is just gold plated and it’s not pure of heart. Now, how would Helga know the Corazón was a pure heart? And anything in its place would need to be pure? Because she stared into the Corazón and felt that pureness. This is why I think she didn’t get a poisonous dart shot at her. Because of that connection with pure hearts, and Helga’s heart is a pure as they get.

Helga doesn’t think highly enough of herself to feel that her locket will work. It takes Arnold to give her that push in confidence and guys, this couldn’t have been more cuter or tear jerking if they tried. “I think your heart is more pure than you know.” He finally understands her.

Pure hearts, loyalty, dedication, love, friendship, determination and Brainy being a saint in retrieving Helga’s locket got us to where we are now. We are about to witness what we have all wanted from Hey Arnold in so many years. Helga’s locket worked, and the cure rains down upon those in deep slumber. Butterflies start to flourish as the cure takes effect. Does that mean? Arnold runs to his parents’ chamber with the most dramatic heart sobbing music in the background. This was it, finally the moment we had all be waiting for, his parents…Arnold parents, of whom have been missing for nine years with no contact. In front of Arnold eyes, they wake from a deep slumber and the first thing they see is their baby. Hey, Arnold. His eyes replicate my own as he runs towards them. He did it, and I couldn’t be more happy even though I was a sobbing mess with no wine left.

The story was concluded. The mystery which lingered for over a decade was now solved. Arnold stood with his parents and celebrated along with the Green Eyes. Miles and Stella’s work was finally complete. It’s a sight we all wished we could see for so long. But our hero wasn’t there? And even after just being reunited with his parents, Arnold noticed Helga sneaking off. Helga was trying to retrieve her locket, which I thought was both a funny and sweet touch. Because after everything, that locket still symbolizes so much to her. After being interrupted by Arnold, Helga still tries to put on her tough girl front and hides her true self still, but Arnold is no longer blind to who Helga really is. With his words, we know that Arnold is seeing through her, seeing the real Helga and finally, after seeing her being so brave, loyal and willing to give up so much for him, he is ready to accept her love.

Even though Arnold didn’t outright say how he feels about Helga, I am a true believer of actions speak louder than words. We have seen how Arnold has acted towards Helga his entire movie. He silenced Helga, she literally had no come or no way out for the first time ever. His act of confirming how he feels about her is sweet beyond words. He takes her hands and offers her a mutual kiss like a true gentleman. The two of them share a moment with their lips locked, and it couldn’t be more beautiful. I was almost angry when Gerald walked interrupted the moment.

The adventure was over. Arnold wakes up in his bed and he is immediately concerned. Oh no you don’t, do not tell me that was all a dream. I am screaming profanity at my TV whilst a near identical scene is played from the beginning of the movie. Was that really all a dream? Please for the love of raspberries no. Please, please no. Arnold’s eyes widen and fill with tears when he thinks that it was indeed just a dream. But they wouldn’t do that to us…and in come Miles and Stella with breakfast for our forever moaning group of boarders. We have never seen Arnold so happy, Wide smiles and dancing on the spot at the sight of his parents back home. I must admit, I really did hold my breath for a second there!

Seeing Miles and Stella home and comforting Arnold is something I never thought I would see. And here it was. It was the sweetest conclusion and satisfying conclusion to the longest story. I would love to see them spend time together, but it’s the worst day of school. Repeating from one of the first scenes of the movie, we see Arnold and Gerald meeting Helga and Phoebe on the corner. But THIS time, things are a little different. There’s no classic bumping into one another. Gerald and Phoebe lead the way hand and hand leaving Arnold and Helga wondering if they should follow suite. While Arnold does attempt this making Helga (and all of us watching) swoon. Helga still ups her defenses and grabs her hand back. I can understand why people would questions her actions here, but I’m kind of happy they left that part of Helga in. This is still her character and she is not going to change overnight. She still keeps her guard up and she has a lot to learn in accepting Arnold’s effect in public. Still, the fact that she smiles as she walks off is a huge development. And don’t worry folks, Arnold isn’t put off by her…he runs after her with that same flirtatious smiley face.

A nice final touch is Arnold’s parents missing him and offering to walk him to school. That final look from Arnold as he enters his school with all his friends and Mr. Simmons declaring he still has a job after the jungle ordeal…that look in his eyes, looking back at his parents looking for him, waiting for him. And that smile knowing that they are never going to leave him again. THAT my friends is how you end a movie.

Conclusion

Nothing is perfect, but the Jungle Movie sure offers some closure. Every time I watch this film, I notice something new. The amount of detail in the background is admirable. They are like paintings. The texture, the colour, the ambience of them is just beautiful. The background animation of characters is incredibly detailed. Instead of just having a still image, I constantly found background characters to be animated and reacting, especially Helga.

The music in this film was gripping, and well suited for the story. A mixture of classic Hey Arnold style Jazz and hip-hop. South American Latin, full orchestral pieces. The emotion was most certainly intensified with the music backing. Hats off to Jim Lang. In cartoon revivals, one thing that is difficult to recreate are those voices. I can honestly say the returning cast and new cast did an absolute fantastic task of both recreating and advancing the characters. It was like watching an old and new show at the same time.

Overall, The Jungle Movie was everything an old school fan like myself could have hoped for. I am not only incredibly satisfied with what we have been given but, I am also thrilled for those who worked on this project for so many years. The creator, Craig Bartlett and his team and the fans who campaigned to make this happen. It’s a fine example of determination, love and appreciation for one another, which isn’t expressed much in today’s world. I am so happy with The Jungle Movie, and I finally have my closure from this epic story.

I can bet, if my Nan were still around today, she would be the one asking me all the questions. And, while I type up my final words, I feel a small part her sitting with me for the first time in many years.

#hey arnold #hey arnold tjm #hey arnold the jungle movie #hey arnold season 6 #arnold shortman #helga pataki #nickelodeon #craig bartlett #the jungle movie

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livingwithashipname-blog · 8 years ago

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Ermanda's Inner Sanctum: Scorpion 3.17 "Dirty Seeds, Done Dirt Cheap"

This is a really great episode! It is all about the cyclone. Ray comes back to troll Cabe in his hallucination. Happy keeps breaking our hearts. Toby kills us with his fluffy, romantic self. Young Happy and Toby will be with us forever! Ralph is a darling! Walter and Paige amuse me to no end. Callie makes me smile! And Sly makes me wish I lived in West Altadenia so I could vote for him. He throws down the gauntlet and I am so proud him! As great as the episode is, it is a victim of “too many elements” and some great dialogue is cut that would have melted us even more if we weren’t at that point already! There are so many things to discuss! It all centers around the episode’s core message on the relationship between logic and fear. Let’s get to it!

Waige: Toby and Ralph

The episode’s theme is first explained through Ralph’s conversation to Toby about Walter and his mother in the midst of his history lesson. Ralph sounds like hallucinatory Walter from 3.03 It Isn’t the Fall that Kills You. He knows the logical plan is for Walter to ask Paige out, but that didn’t happen. He hopes that Walter’s ability to use logic to beat a fear of snakes can extend to his fear to romantically pursue Paige. Toby explains that this is a possibility, but concludes that Walter and Paige are likely going to remain friends. I suspect Toby comes to this conclusion given everything that has happened between Walter and Paige since she started dating Tim. Walter would need a bold, respectable move to change the course of events. Even Veronica, with her wacky plan, tells Walter that he has to think of something because Tim is “planting roots.” Toby is doubtful that Walter is capable of working past that fear and coming out successful. The last time Walter tried he hurt Paige in the process. Toby is also aware that this is in addition to a series of opportunities that we’ve seen as the audience since season 1. So his statements to Ralph are likely said to protect him. This is unfortunate but understandable.

So Ralph seems to be the only person actively captaining the Waige ship right now because they feel like Toby or are busy invested in their personal relationships. Let’s all give a collective “Aw!” On another note, I am laughing out loud at the visual in my head thinking about this because I am a Deadliest Catch fan. I have this vision of Ralph driving one of those crab boats, named Waige, in inclement weather! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Paige’s Internal Conflict

The secret is out! Walter is on an apology tour. The team is all like, “say what now?” Kudos are given to Paige for getting Walter to do something that, in Happy’s words, is a sign of the apocalypse. Lol! This is good news since Walter and Paige have renewed their friendship. They are spending time together like they have in the past. And it seems as if this has inspired Walter to jump onto an accelerated path to improvement.

Paige is in mother mode when it comes to the froyo. No desserts before lunch children! 😂😂😂😂 As she places the items in the fridge, Toby approaches, or shall I say scares her, to commend her on the adjustments she has made with Walter. But before he speaks, she assumes that Toby is coming to tell her something about Walter and her spending more time together. She is mildly surprised when he doesn’t say that. Yet, we all can see that Toby is also trying to butter her up to get his froyo! 😂😂😂😂

This exchange with Toby is another depiction of Paige’s hesitations that started in season 2 but are more apparent in season 3. The most notable examples are 3.01 Civil War with Tim, 3.05 Plight at the Museum with Toby, 3.14 The Hole Truth with her mother, Veronica Dineen, and this episode with her own mind’s manifestations. These moments highlight the episode’s theme, but the main component of that message is choice. Walter has his emotional struggles, but some of his difficulties this season stem from his choice to ignore that which he already knows (e.g., episode 3.14). Paige’s hesitations expose an internal conflict with her own choices.

I think it is interesting that Paige’s short hallucination is an image of Walter with another woman. Isn’t this the first reason why she starts a relationship with Tim?! Allow me to recall events that lead into the Walter/Linda and Paige/Tim rooftop scenes of 2.22 Hard Knox. Walter takes Paige’s advice to put himself out there and make new friends. This manifests into speed dating as a social experiment and eventually dating Linda. Paige doesn’t anticipate that Walter would take her advice in this manner. Tim comes as a Homeland trainee assigned to Scorpion detail. Paige spends time with him, but their relationship does not become official until that moment on the roof. Walter breaks up with Linda after Toby reveals to him that her infatuation with him is a result of “damsel-in-distress syndrome.” At the same time, Tim asks Paige out on an official date. Before Paige answers, she looks at Walter and sees him sharing a laugh with Linda, which doesn’t look like a amicable breakup to her even though the audience knows otherwise. The disappointment is shown in her facial expression. She turns to Tim and accepts his request. This link is about to come full circle. If you have been following my reviews, then you are aware of the pattern that is unfolding. If this episode on its own doesn’t give you a big hint about what is next for Waige, you must be sleeping! THE WAIGE FLIP IS ON FIRE!!! 🔥🔥🔥 THESE ASSOCIATIONS GIVE ME LIFE! 🙌🏾🙌🏾 WAIGE IS ENDGAME YO! 💙💙💙💙

Immediately thought of this song! I think it is fitting! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Logic vs. Fear feat. The Cyclone

Cabe/Callie

Cabe: I don’t want to play this game. Ray: Well, nobody does, but we all have to play it eventually, even badass, ex-football-playing Marines.

Cabe enjoys Allie’s company. Their relationship is getting off to a great start, but he still feels uneasy about their age difference. In addition, he really feels his age when he considers that he uses reading glasses. He’s so insecure about these things that they mostly have dinner dates at places that match her vegan interests, Cabe supplements the loss of meat with beef jerky, and he accidentally orders unfavorable meals because he can not read the menu without his glasses. (Side note: I am glad that Allie’s veganism is pushing Cabe to eat better because he was inching himself close to an MI with those meat-filled sandwiches he would make for Happy. Lol!) So it is no surprise that his hallucination is a short version of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. 😂😂😂😂 He fears that his age will make him unwanted because he can’t keep up with the younger generation. He is already a father figure to the team and multiple times the team has reminded him of his age when he drops pre-1980s pop culture references. He has already felt the pressures of his age with Tim as a younger version of him and Walter’s speech in 3.12 Ice Ca-Cabes on how everyone is replaceable.

During his hallucination, Walter manages to get his attention by reminding him that his fear is not aging. He fears weakness. His age gives him a unique advantage and his headstrong personality pushes him to do anything he desires! In result, Cabe mobilizes himself, drops the white hair and the age spots, puts on his signature glasses and flips the breaker! The glasses bit is GOLD!!! Reminds me of Horatio Cane from CSI: Miami and his sunglasses.

His path to enlightenment doesn’t stop in the vault. When he sees Allie again at Sly’s debate, he asks her to accept him as he is. Allie confirms that she is all in. What a great win for Cabe!

Sylvester & the W. Altadenia Alderman Election

Patel: The matter at hand is taking private property to help, not the populace, but a big box store. The kind of store grown-ups go to. Sly: Yes. I patronize the Warlock’s Chest. I had a tough childhood, I was picked on. Make-believe was my refuge. I found solace amongst the fantasy and I would gather up my courage to face another day. And trust me, when I was a kid, I needed courage just to show up at school. And I need it now for my job. But the difference is, with Scorpion, I have a team to help me remember that I can be brave. And if the Warlock’s Chest will provide refuge for more kids who don’t know they’re brave yet, well… I want it to stick around.

Sylvester is really coming into his own as a politician looking to achieve the greater good for his county. The chickens in his hallucination are both literal and metaphorical representations of a childhood memory. Sly is a world class ornithologist, but he is terrified of birds (mentioned in 2.24 Toby or Not Toby). This is why he asks Cabe to handle to falcon during the mission in 3.05 Plight at the Museum. Sly is also a germaphobe and chickens have been known to spread disease. Furthermore, the label “chicken” is thrown at those who fear confrontation. Sly was bullied as a child and relives the fear of that moment when Bucky Hanson and other jocks locked him in a chicken pen. But Sly is a man of facts. Facts are his life! When Paige reminds him of all the brave things he has accomplished with Team Scorpion, he comes out of hiding, moves his bully to the side, and moves a chicken out of the way to pull the lever. Go Sly go!!! The way he screams from the time he lifts the chicken to when he drops it is HILARIOUS!!! At the debate, he applies the same lesson and creams Patel! Sly is getting more people on his side each time he shows his courage. His courage is giving him a voice and I love that we are seeing this unfold in Sly’s story this season!

Walter & the Emotional Conundrum

Walter: I don’t know how to talk someone out of being scared. I can’t relate to that kind of emotion. Paige: Really? 'Cause you seem pretty scared now. Your biggest fear isn’t snakes, was it? It’s problems you can’t solve. Now do what you did with the yogurt guy, and put yourself in Cabe’s shoes.

This episodes features another moment where Walter uses what he knows in order to find a way to relate to emotions. He just needs a push. Holy character development! As I have said in past reviews, he has the tools. He just needs to unlock them when the time comes. Therefore, it is possible that Walter can independently do this in some instances, gaining more experience each time he does it. This links to what he says to Cabe about his age giving him knowledge, wisdom, and experience. In that moment, he uses the feeling of powerless in encountering problems he can not solve with Cabe’s fear of weakness. He has done the same in previous episodes (e.g., episode 3.14).

His doubt in this moment also parallels Happy and her judgment of her own emotional capabilities and expectations. One can say that this extends to Sly and Cabe too (when they’re not hallucinating), but here’s the difference. When Cabe and Sly finally do something they thought they couldn’t, they do not doubt it later. They recognize the change and use it to their benefit. For example, Sly jumps off a boat in 1.16 Love Boat, which is something he never anticipated doing in his lifetime. He was fearful, but he mobilizes himself and succeeds. He does this again in 3.04 Little Boy Lost when he climbs over the silo’s railing to jump on canisters to pull Walter and Daniel to safety. In the second scenario, Sly doesn’t say that he can’t do it. He just whines a little about it and puts himself into action to save the day.

Walter and Happy’s doubt have caused them to question pivotal moments in their lives. This has affected their romances. Walter walks away from the Tahoe situation, but Cabe gives him hope that self-improvement will give him a fighting chance if the opportunity to win Paige arises again. He has struggled in this endeavor, but he is now gaining new ground. For Happy, doubt is evident in her hallucination, which continues off of her development arc from 3.15 Sharknerdo and 3.16 Keep It in Check, Mate.

Happy & the Abandonment Saga

Dr. Curtis: I’m not sure about this. You know, if I commit to her, I’m stuck with her for the rest of my life? There’s got to be something wrong with her if she’s here, right? Hallucinatory Happy: I try hard. I’m just a little bit different from the other kids. Dr. C: Well, I’m not so sure this will be the right fit. HH: No, you promised to be with me for life. You proposed to me. Dr. C: Quick to anger. Volatile. I think I’d regret this decision. Sorry, I… I don’t want her. Not for me. […] HH: But I’m perfect for you.

This version of Toby is rigid and noncommittal. Happy is envisioning Toby as a man who uses psychological logic to reject her for her differences. THIS IS THE ANTITHESIS OF THEIR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP!!! Happy has experienced a lot of rejection. Her father’s recent imprisonment feels like another wave of abandonment. Yet, she finds happiness in her relationship with Toby. When he accidentally flakes on a promise, Toby asks for second chance. Happy gives it to him even though it took some time. He consistently loves her despite her faults. Happy notices that Toby is a chance at family and marrying him represents stability which he has never experienced with others. She may be the world’s unfunniest person, but she makes Toby want to be a better man. And she acknowledges that they are perfect for one another! In essence, her doubts are like pre-wedding jitters that are projected onto Toby in this hallucination. The realities of their relationship continue to manifest in Toby’s words to her through young Toby. In the end, her dreams match reality. Just… just call the morgue already! I AM DEAD OVER ALL THE FEELS!!! 💕💚💚😍😍😍💀

Dannii (aka. @tobiasmquinn) questioned Dr. Curtis’ outfit in Happy’s hallucination. I first get Dr. Rizzuto vibes from the wardrobe, but the mannerisms of these two men do not correlate. Dr. Rizzuto is witty and charismatic. So I think the wardrobe is fashioned after Sigmund Freud who has several images of himself holding a cigar. Plus, Toby dresses as a famous psychiatrist from the past each Halloween.

Drabbles…

Callie is killing me with their cuteness!

Can we take a moment to freak out over the open Quintis PDA in front of the team?! Happy has her legs crossed over Toby’s leg and Toby is resting his arm on them! 😍😍😍😍🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

Scorpion trivia: The words “not good” are said by Happy in every episode. Now Toby is the one to deliver it… love it!!! More Toby being Happy! 🙌🏾

Happy (to Cabe): You don’t need to warn me about getting lost in a blizzard. Been there, done that. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Sly: Back away, hens. I will deep-fry the lot of you. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

I died with Ray’s appearance in Cabe’s hallucination! That was perfect!

Have you seen the titles on the game show wheel from Cabe’s hallucination?! They are hilarious! Kudos to the art department!

Young Toby/Toby: You know who I am, and my biggest regret in life is that we really didn’t meet when we were eight because I would’ve fallen in love with you from that moment. The truth is you’ve never been alone. My love for you has always been there. It just took a while for our paths to cross so I could share it with you. And under all those neurotoxins in your head, you know I’m right. You have nothing to be scared of, ever. 💚💚💚💚💚💚😍😍😍😍😍😍 *swoons forever*

The mother/son moments between Ralph and Paige in this episode are so sweet! I love them! 💜💜💜💜

Walter: You are a military man, a government agent, someone who is strong for their friends, but when you fear weakness, you feel that you’ll lose your identity because of it, and the people that you care about, like Allie. Is that right? Cabe? Cabe: God? Is that you? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Walter: That’s because I’m worried about you, but I shouldn’t be because getting old is not a detriment. It is a strength. Now, with age, comes experience, knowledge, and wisdom. What you’ve forgotten, others will never know. Now what you’ve lived, others will only read about. What you can do, others can only dream about. Cabe Gallo is stopped by nothing. Me: I’m not crying, you are! 😭😭😭😭😭👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

Paige using her phone to grind the seeds… 😂😂😂 Total “make it work” moment! 👏🏾👏🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

That fire is really pretty! Excuse me, I was a chem major! Lol! But let’s clear up something here. Oxygen is not flammable! It’s not a fuel. Toby states this as a potential danger in the episode. The process that creates the fire is described correctly, but the designation is incorrect. It’s a misnomer. Probably done to save time considering that this moment is happening close to the 50 minute mark. Plus, it is easier to communicate the danger of adding oxygen to a flame by making such a statement to a general audience who may not know this. I know, I know… kinda weird for a show about geniuses, but everyone who watches this show isn’t.

My only disappointments: 1) We didn’t see Riley Go as Young Happy in the middle of Happy’s hallucination. 2) Funky age moment… if Happy is technically 29 going on 30 now, then she should be 12 going on 13 in the year 2000. However, she says she is 8 and Toby doesn’t make that adjustment because it’s not insinuated by his statement, “we just exited the 90s.” The year (1996) was right in the sides. Maybe this is done to save time or Toby made his statements to account for all the years Happy had been rejected for adoption. 3) I wish young Toby moved more in the scene to be a little more animated like adult Toby. 4) The line, “I know you’ll never let go,” was cut from the end scene. I thought it was perfect and I am disappointed it ended up on the cutting room floor. Maybe it was taken out because of time or because of what’s to come for Quintis in the season finale storyline.

Last edited: February 22, 2017

#ermanda's inner sanctum #cbs scorpion #s03e17 #dirty seeds done dirt cheap #scorpion cbs #team scorpion #episode review #livingwithashipname

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joeygoespolitical · 8 years ago

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Life in the Liberal Arts: A Personal Story

(Before I begin, I just wanted to start off with the preface that this piece was inspired by something that occurred earlier this week. We’ll get to it later.)

As long as I could remember, I dreamed of making it big in Hollywood. Back in grade school, I actually tried to pursue acting professionally, auditioning for films like Bad Santa, School of Rock, Cheaper by the Dozen, and Drillbit Taylor. Audition after audition, I never caught my big break. To this day, the only paid gig that I landed was a local stage production of Cat on the Hot Tin Roof. Nonetheless, my dream lived on. I was so passionate about acting, I even had an Oscars-themed bar mitzvah.

In high school, my aspirations to become a big movie star began to fizzle, but I grew an interest in what goes on behind the camera. My school had an excellent television program. I learned how to operate a camera, how to edit, how to direct a live televised production, and how to write a script. My teacher, Mr. Ferguson, was eccentric and self-righteous, but he was passionate and he opened my eyes. Instead of starring in the school musical, I created the school’s first ever sitcom. While my dream of being an actor died, another dream formed. I wanted to be a filmmaker.

Then came college. I attended Columbia College Chicago, where it was rare to start as a freshman and graduate four years later as the dropout rate was rather massive. Growing up in the north Chicago suburbs, Columbia College was far enough from home that I could gain some independence but close enough that I can could home whenever I wanted.

My college experience wasn’t a typical one. For starters, the city of Chicago was essentially my campus. There wasn’t any sort of quad and my school in particular didn’t have any sports teams or even a Greek life. And because we were in highly-guarded dorms, either you were incredibly sneaky when drinking in the dorms or you knew someone outside the dorms that was throwing a party. I wasn’t a big drinker and I didn’t have much of a social life, so I took advantage of my 24-hour fitness center at two o’clock in the morning and was able to have complete control over the TV as I had the room to myself. Throughout my freshman year, I had seven different roommates. My dorm apartment practically had a revolving door because guys kept moving in and out for various reasons and I was the only one that stayed put. And after dealing with some shady and wacky characters, I knew I had to live on my own for the rest of college.

Studying at Columbia College was interesting to say the least. I took classes that actually sparked my interests! From screenwriting, directing, film history, television writing, sketch comedy, it was an incredible experience. Both the student body and my professors were diverse and quirky. A film professor I had freshman year was so fun, she practically felt like one of my peers. Her name was Jennifer and she became the only teacher that I ever became “Facebook friends” with.

While the student body and my professors were diverse when it came to race, religion, and sexual orientation, they weren’t so diverse when it came to politics and points of view. After all, Columbia College put the “liberal” in “liberal arts”.

Before college, I didn’t really care for politics. But 2012 came along and that was when I started to become aware of what was going on in the country. Well, enough to form an opinion. Being home that summer, my parents introduced me to the world of Fox News, which counteracted with all the liberalism that I was exposed to at school. As Election Day approached, politics was tough to avoid in the classroom. Some of my professors praised President Obama as if they were cheerleaders gushing over the quarterback of the football team. And because my newly-developed ideology wasn’t commonly found on campus, I chose to keep my mouth shut. It was bad enough in 2012, I can’t imagine what it was like in 2016...

Despite the politics, Columbia College helped me become the person I am today. Even if I don’t end up becoming the next Steven Spielberg, my education helped shape how I view the world. However, there’s one person in particular who years later didn’t like how I view the world...

If you’ve been following this blog, then you have a sense as to how I felt about the election. I tried to look at things objective on both sides of the aisle without petty partisan politics cloud my judgment. And now that we have President Trump, my philosophy has essentially been “keep calm and carry on”.

The day before Trump’s inauguration, I posted this open letter on my Facebook page that basically laid out how Trump ended up winning the election and that in order to heal the divide, we should give him a chance despite who you voted for. I overall received praise, but I had a few Facebook friends who expressed their hostility towards the new president, one of them being Jennifer, my professor from Columbia College. She posted this lengthy rant as if the apocalypse was coming, saying that she was now gonna lose her healthcare and that some of her students could be deported and complained about his cabinet picks and so on and so forth. I had no intention on debating her, but I had a couple of right-wing Facebook friends who ended up starting a fight with her in the comments section. I chose to stay out of it.

A couple of weeks later, the Facebook feud came up in conversation at dinner with the family. We were all just laughing about it. But that night, I looked back at that post and I noticed that I couldn’t click on Jennifer’s profile. So then I tried searching her profile in the tab. Her name didn’t even come up.

And then it hit me: she blocked me.

At first I was in disbelief. Jennifer, one of the kindest and funniest professors I had a Columbia College, didn’t just “unfollow” me or even “unfriend” me. She blocked me. She essentially shunned me from her life.

I wasn’t angered by the discovery. I’ve had plenty of Facebook friends delete me before. But this was my film teacher. Aren’t the principles of liberal arts is to hone your creativity, express yourself freely, and embrace diversity? I simply had no idea that my open letter triggered her.

Her shunning me only feeds into the narrative that liberals, particularly those on college campuses, cannot accept the opinions of those they don’t agree with and need to shelter in their “safe spaces”. Jennifer couldn’t handle the fact that I don’t hate Trump’s guts like she does. And for that, she erased me from her life.

Again, I’m not angry at her. I only feel bad for her. I hope she can find some peace and understanding during the Trump years. And if you see her, tell her I say hi.

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gamerszone2019-blog · 6 years ago

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IGN's Top 10 Free-To-Play Games on Steam

New Post has been published on https://gamerszone.tn/igns-top-10-free-to-play-games-on-steam/

IGN's Top 10 Free-To-Play Games on Steam

Gaming can put major stress on your wallet and even with seasonal Steam sales, it never feels like there’s enough money in the world to try out all the games we want. Luckily there are a ton out there that don’t cost anything! We’ve been digging into the Steam library and found ten exceptional free to play games currently available, so save your cash.

IGN’s Top 25 Modern PC Games

10. Brawlhalla

Initial release date: November 3, 2015

Brawlhalla could be described as Smash Bros lite. It’s a platform fighter that incorporates powerful weapons and gadget drops that change your playstyle according to the specific item. One minute you’ll be fighting with grenades, then the next you’ll be riding a rocket spear into someone’s face.

Play in ranked or casual matches that support 1v1, 4v4, and anywhere in between. There’s even an alternate party mode with completely different objectives to mix things up. The roster of 46 legends can be bought with earnable in-game currency in addition to real money, but there are always 8 legends available for free every week in rotation.

Aside from the cute sprite art and animations, every legend has different stats that help to make each feel unique. For example, my favorite Legend, Fait, has increased speed and strength but lowered dexterity and defense. Barraza, on the other hand, is more of a tank with slower movement but a high defense stat. Brawlhalla has something for everyone and might have you coming back with friends to play once you get your first taste of victory. – Stella Chung

9. Team Fortress 2

Initial release date: October 10, 2007

Team Fortress 2 is the grandaddy of hero shooters. But don’t play it for a history lesson. Play it because it’s fun, stylish, unique, and still boasts around 50,000 concurrent players every single day. Choose from nine of the most creative and fundamentally dissimilar classes ever crammed into the same first-person shooter to accomplish objectives with the rest of your ridiculous 16-player team.

Don convincing disguises, eat a sandwich and even drench your enemies in piss. If the brilliant core game modes are too fun for you then why not try the cooperative, wave-based Mann v.s Machine mode? And much like CS:GO, the TF2 community has taken it upon themselves to create even more wacky modes like prop hunt, surf, and trading servers where players argue over who has the most valuable hat. – James Duggan

8. War Thunder

Initial release date: November 1, 2012

War Thunder is an absolutely massive military vehicular combat game, featuring hundreds of vehicles from multiple eras and more than half a dozen nations. You’ll progress through the tech tree of your chosen nation’s arsenal of aircraft, tanks, or naval warships.

Choose your preferred arena, be it ground, land, or sea and queue into matches of up to 32 players. Good news if you’re a Mil-Sim buff: War Thunder offers realistic and simulation variants of the normal arcade mode that boast more realistic damage and flight models in addition to things like having to return to an airfield to reload. There’s certainly a lot of progression to work through, but even at low levels, there’s plenty of pretty fun to be had. – James Duggan

7. Paladins

Initial release date: September 15, 2016

Paladins is more than a little similar to Overwatch, but it does some interesting things of its own. What’s unique about Paladins is that it incorporates a card deck system for your champion that grants amplified attributes and enhanced or modified skills that allows you to build towards a specific playstyle.

All cards are free to use for all Champions which opens up customization to a higher degree. There are three major game modes: Siege (a capture the objective and push the payload type), Team Deathmatch (5v5), and Onslaught (a capture the point objective).

And of course, Paladins boasts a roster of 41 playable champions each with unique abilities. For example, my personal favorite, Seris, is a support character who directly heals teammates but is also able to hold her own in a fight since dealing damage heals her. My favorite ability of hers is that she can slip out of dicey situations with her Shadow Travel which grants immunity from damage for a limited amount of time. Matches aren’t absurdly long and getting kills feels super rewarding, especially if you’re trying a Champion you’ve never played before. – Stella Chung

6. DOTA Underlords

Initial release date: June 20, 2019

Dota Underlords is a Valve-created, standalone version of the popular “Auto Chess” mod for Dota 2. At a top-level, Underlords is a deckbuilding tactics game. And while it isn’t exactly easy to pick up at first, it becomes dangerously fun and addictive once you have a few games under your belt.

Each match pits eight players against one another to see who can build the best team of random units drafted from a shared pool. You’ll have to consider unit placement, synergies, stats, effects, your opponents’ strategies as well as properly manage your gold and experience in order to achieve victory. Every match is a brand new opportunity to try a new and fun build, which makes the prospect of playing just one more hard to refuse. – Miranda Sanchez

5. Smite

Initial release date: March 25, 2014

MOBAs can seem daunting to approach but Smite makes it easy to jump right into the thick of it. Most MOBAs are isometric point and click, but Smite is actually unique in that it’s played in third- person. Gods, the roster of playable characters, are deities, immortals, and mythical creatures from ancient mythology from all over the world.

You can play as Medusa, Ra, or even Cupid if you want. The classic game of Smite is a 5v5 but there are other game modes with different rules and objectives that you can choose from. My personal favorite is Joust, a 3v3 mode that’s on a one-lane map with the goal of destroying the enemy’s defenses and their Titan. Joust, along with a few other game modes, usually last about 15 minutes which makes it super fun and easy to hop into a match without worrying about spending a half-hour in one game. Smite is a fresh take on MOBAs and is beginner-friendly to players who might be unfamiliar to the genre. – Stella Chung

Initial release date: August 21, 2012

The Counter-Strike series has been the gold standard of competitive PC shooters for more than 20 years and the global eSports scene for CS:GO has been going strong since the Major Championships were founded in 2013. While CS:GO’s biggest draw is undoubtedly its core bomb defusal and hostage rescue game modes, it also has a plethora of other modes to choose from including the addicting gun game and a new battle royale that went live back in December.

In addition to the official game playlist, CS:GO allows the community to build private modded servers that allow for a variety of creative game types. Some of these custom servers help you with your aim, while others house surfing obstacle courses, and some even create bizarre story campaigns that you just have to experience for yourself. – Stella Chung

3. Warframe

Initial release date: March 25, 2013

From the outside looking in, Warframe can seem impenetrable. Half a decade of updates, system reworks, and ever-evolving stories have made it a complex game chock full of different mechanics to learn. While that can be intimidating at first, Warframe is so dang fun that it more than rewards the time you put into learning it.

Years of updates also mean it holds a well of content so deep you may not see the bottom even after hundreds of hours playing – all of which can be experienced entirely free, as Warframe has some of the most inviting free-to-play systems on this list. It’s a game that truly never stops getting better, and it’s well worth getting comfortable with so you can craft your own space ninja suits and bullet-jump through waves of enemies with the rest of us. – Tom Marks

2. Dota 2

Initial release date: July 9, 2013

Remember MOBAs? Though they are no longer front and center in the gaming trends spotlight, they’re still immensely popular, and Dota 2’s spot on this list is a testament to that. Dota 2 is a highly strategic MOBA with a reputation for its challenging mechanics. But, if you spend any time with it, you’ll see why people like myself have invested years in this game. Like most MOBAs, Dota 2 pits two teams of five against each other on a map divided up by three lanes.

The first team to destroy a key structure in the enemy’s base, called an Ancient (hence the name Defense of the Ancients), wins. All the matches may happen on one map with the objective the same each time, but the growing list of over 100 heroes and plenty of item combinations to go with them makes each match unique. Valve’s constant updates, some of which completely change the map and key mechanics, usually keep the meta fresh.

Dota 2 can be frustrating at times like with any living multiplayer game, but those narrow (or even crushing) wins make it worth it. Even better, it’s all completely free. All updates and all-new heroes. But if you get sucked in, you might find yourself buying cosmetics and its yearly The International Battle Pass that contributes to the event’s immense prize pool. That being said, if you’re are interested in playing, just be prepared to spend plenty of time learning Dota 2’s intricate systems and heroes. – Miranda Sanchez

1. Path of Exile

Initial release date: October 23, 2013

As of summer 2019, it’s fair to say that Path of Exile is the hands-down best ARPG on the market. In terms of post-launch support, developer Grinding Gear Games has candidly raised the bar for the genre. The most recent content update called Legion is Path of Exile’s 10th expansion.

The breadth of unique and replayable content at this point is absolutely massive with depth to match when it comes to character progression and loot. What’s more, all of this great content is free. Its monetization system is more altruistic and less intrusive than many $60 AAA games in 2019. If you’re looking for an ARPG with hundreds of hours of unique gameplay and no signs of slowing down its post-launch support in the near future then look no further than Path of Exile. – James Duggan

Source : IGN

#Game News #Game Reviews

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tune-collective · 8 years ago

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The 20 Best deadmau5 Songs

He may not be one for metaphors or lofty album titles, he may not know how to refrain from weighing in on any given subject, he may not really know how to play a bunch of traditional instruments, but Joel Zimmerman, aka deadmau5, is absolutely one of electronic dance music’s greatest producers.

He’s quite prodigious with eight studio albums released in 10 years, a successful label that helped spawn Skrillex and others, and his own music production Master Class series. You get the feeling he does everything the hard way, but he somehow does it so well.

Here’s a list of the 20 best deadmau5 songs to date, in our critical opinions. Enjoy, and feel free to disagree.

20. deadmau5 – “Bot”

For Lack of a Better Name is deadmau5’s fourth studio album and one that cemented the noise artist as one of the greats. It spawned tons of hits, and while “Bot” isn’t the LP’s grandest achievement, it is one of deadmau5’s most interesting songs. It’s full of wacky textures and frog noises. It sounds like the tribal music of exotic aliens who dwell in some kind of fantastic cyber jungle.

19. deadmau5 – “Alone With You”

This glittering bit of progressive house come from Random Album Title, deadmau5’s beautiful third LP. The persistent beat keeps bodies moving through the sparkling, melodic mist. It’s the kind of emotional build one happily and aimlessly explores over and over again.

18. deadmau5 – “Closer”

That exciting five-note progression should be instantly recognizable as John Williams’ alien-speak melody in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Daft Punk also used the sample, officially titled “Wild Signals,” as the intro to its Alive 2007 set, but deadmau5 takes the motif and turns it into something even grander. He deviates after the first two minutes, though those five notes continue to make their way in and out of the melodic lines. Maybe the aliens are listening.

17. deadmau5 – “Snowcone”

The first official single from deadmau5′ latest album, W:/2016Album, earns its name. It’s light and airy atmosphere captures the feeling of a light snow, and as we move forward into the beat, we find ourselves exploring deadmau5 hidden love of hip-hop rhythm. Kanye West and Pete Rock are fans. They shared a video of themselves listening to it in the studio, upon the reception of which deadmau5 announced “Snowcone” as one of his favorite songs on the new LP.

16. deadmau5 – “Infra Turbo Pigcart Racer”

Track five from while(1has got to be one of the most unique weapons in deadmau5′ musical arsenal. At just more than nine-and-a-half-minutes, it tells the supersonic story of, well, let’s pretend it really is a piggy racecar driver. It’s called Fast and the Furriest, and it is all about one adrenaline junky porker who makes his way into the Tron world and unlocks the true supersonic potential of those light bikes. Alright, I just made all that up, but doesn’t it sound like that?

15. deadmau5 – “Hi Friend”

This song perfectly captures the vibe of going out to your favorite nightclub and running into everyone you know and love. Lots of electro, heaps of filters, and dope party raps from MC Flipside.

14. deadmau5 – “Aural Psynapse”

Though it appears on 2011’s 5 Years of mau5 double-disc compilation, “Aural Psynapse” was first recorded and released in 2001 under deadmau5′ former alias Halcyon441, another Joel Zimmerman screen name lost in the annals of time. Proving the old adage that everything old is new again, the single went on to peak at No. 7 on Billboard‘s Dance/Electronic Digital Song chart. It’s a beautiful, emotional song where synths take the lead in all shapes and forms. Definitely a classic deadmau5 atmosphere.

13. deadmau5 – “HR 8938 Cephei”

This stand-alone release never graced an official deadmau5 album. It was one of Zimmerman’s Soundcloud dumps, but it’s nothing to overlook. At nearly 11-minutes long with a distant star namesake, it’s a progressive journey that starts cold and somber, builds into a hopeful, shoulder shaking beat, and here and there blasts the listener with strong, powerful moments.

12. deadmau5 – “Brazil (2nd Edit)”

Whatever happened to the first edit of “Brazil?” Well, deadmau5 decided it wasn’t that important. He might have been right. This track has been sampled by Kylie Minogue, Alexis Jordan, and Taio Cruz. It’s got an infectious beat and an easy-going staccato synth melody. Does it make you feel like you’re in Brazil when you listen to it? It’s a lot cheaper to enjoy than a vacation, in any case.

11. deadmau5 – “Maths”

Who’s ready to get weird? We are, and deadmau5 is bringing the electronic, alien funk heavy on this cut from 2012’s > album title goes here It served as the album’s lead single, and originally, it was supposed to be the final track on 4×4=12. The anxious, rising motion of the hook is the stuff dance floor come up dreams are made of. No one can stay seated when a tune like this gets dropped. This weird little tune is a get-up-and-go machine.

10. deadmau5 – “Moar Ghosts N Stuff”

Question: Why does “Moar Ghosts N Stuff” precede “Ghosts N Stuff” on 2009’s For Lack of a Better Name? Answer: Because deadmau5 is a troll, and he does whatever the hell he wants. This creepy organ intro is bone-chillingly cool. It’s actually a sample of Frederic Chopin’s Piano Sonata, Op. 35, No. 2 in B-Flat Minor, if you care to know. The vocal sample is from a monologue in The Brain From Planet Arous, a black-and-white, 1957 sci-fi indie flick. It also is an incredible way for deadmau5 to say “yeah, I just totally changed the game, and I am one of the best ever. Part two comes before part one. -shades fall on eyes- Deal with it.” This motif is one of deadmau5’s most memorable and instantly recognizable melodies. It just had to crack the top 10.

9. deadmau5 – “Sometimes Things Get, Whatever”

Another absolute fan favorite, this one being an early cut from 2008’s Random Album Title. It’s an easy song to relate to. We’ve all been overwhelmed by life to the point that we revert to cold robot mode, right? Zimmerman probably feels this way all the time. He’s totally that perfectionist sound engineer guy who frets over everything. I can’t actually say that with certainty, but c’mon, listen to this. Ironically, it’s a pretty straightforward and simple composition. He’d probably have a big explanation for why that’s not true, of course. It probably took like a million hours of engineering to create this. It’s probably too complicated to explain, so, you know, whatever.

8. deadmau5 – “Animal Rights” with Wolfgang Gartner

Storytime! This jam dropped a couple weeks before I turned 23, and the night of my birthday, I was partying in college, and some drunk frat guy wandered into our after party and heard it was my birthday and decided he was gonna give me a lapdance. So I put on “Animal Rights” and he was like “Hey, I really like this song. Who is it?” And I was like, “Don’t worry about it and take your clothes off.” That has nothing to do with how awesome this Wolfgang Gartner collaboration is, how it’s super funky and was totally exciting and fresh at the time, how it blends Gartner’s signature “complextro” sound with deadmau5’s awesome, techy atmospheres – but then again, maybe it does. Either way, go get a lap dance from a frat boy to it. It’s a pretty fun experience, even though he’s totally feeling himself more than you are.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_esYONwdKuw

7. deadmau5 – “The Veldt” feat. Chris James

Grab your reading list. This tune is inspired by a Ray Bradbury short story, also titled The Veldt. That’s more to do with Chris James’ original lyrics, but it’s still totally awesome. You should know Ray Bradbury as the guy who wrote Fahrenheit 451, and if you don’t, get it together! deadmau5 created this song live during a 22-hour livestream. Dude is insane, right? The original version is just more than eight-and-a-half minutes long, and when the radio edit ends at just more than two-and-a-half, you’re like “wait, where is the rest of the song,” but the video is really cool, so we share it with you. This is a majestic bit of music, a perfect combination from deadmau5 and James.

6. deadmau5 – “Some Chords”

I nominate this track for Best Song Title of All Time. Basically every song in the history of ever could have this name, but only deadmau5 was lazy and clever enough to think of it. The chords in question are the backbone for the song, the musical template around which the beat aimlessly meanders. The chords evolve through different instrumentation, all the while the texture accents weave in and out to build the song to an aggressive fever pitch.

5. deadmau5 – “Raise Your Weapon”

Heartbreak is never easy, but the music is inspires is some of the best ever written. “Raise Your Weapon” is a rallying cry, something to cling to in times of sadness. It’s opening piano notes, matched by singer Greta Svabo Bech’s listless vocal entry, welcomes your sorrow, but soon, the song finds strength, just as you will, given enough time. Bech is positively powerful by mid-section, and of course, so is the music, which eventually dissolves into a dubstep breakdown. It grips the listener from beginning to end, and though it’s a rather primitive bit of dubstep, it’s got some of the cooler noises we’ve heard in the garish genre. We’re happy to hear those piano chords finish it out, though. Part of your sadness never dies.

4. deadmau5 – “Faxing Berlin”

Faxing is an outdated form of communication, but it may have still been slightly relevant when deadmau5 first released this track in 2006. Email was totally relevant by then, but old people, you know? Famously supported by Pete Tong, “Faxing Berlin” is actually deadmau5’s first single ever, which is worth celebrating in itself. It’s also the first-ever release from mau5trap records. It’s also a constant favorite among fans, it’s slow build progressive vibe being absolutely quintessential to the deadmau5 sound. It’s one of his chillest, prettiest compositions. It’ll put you in a trance you’ll never want to escape.

3. deadmau5 – “I Remember” with Kaskade

“Faxing Berlin” is beautiful, but “I Remember” is one of the most luscious, gorgeous, all-encompassing electronic tunes of all time. It’s got classic written all over it, from the moment the beat and chords hit your ears, to the transcendent minute vocalist Haley Gibby sings into the mic, on through its full, spell-binding nine minutes. It’s kind of the perfect rave anthem, with soft female vocals whispering vaguely positive messages and chords in the tone of soft blues and whites. Something about it makes me reminisce about raves I went to in the mid 2000s, or maybe that’s just the song’s reminiscent vibe creeping into my head. I see what you did there, guys. Good game.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7ArUgxtlJs

2. deadmau5 – “Ghosts n Stuff” feat. Rob Swire

Here we are again, these instantly-recognizable synth chords, this moment-defining sound. Of course, this time, we get the incredible Rob Swire, a man who was already a legend for his work with Pendulum, and who would go on to be even more famous as Knife Party. Swire is a beast on this track. This song was originally created at the request of Pete Tong, who essentially dared deadmau5 to make a new tune in time for his appearance on BBC Radio 1 Essential Mix. It’s one of deadmau5’s biggest hits ever, which is more than impressive for a last-minute production. This beat matched with these scream-along vocals makes for one of dance music’s most memorable refrains. It’s a classic. Kids 20 years from now will be like “have you heard Ghosts n Stuff,” and wish they were around to party in 2009, for sure.

1. deadmau5 – “Strobe”

I don’t think anybody would argue against “Strobe” being deadmau5’s best song. It’s iconic. It’s got all the elements that make deadmau5 the producer he is. It’s slow and pretty, it takes time to evolve, it’s got a slow and steady build, it erupts into progressive house perfection, it even carries a bit of hard electro edge. It’s just the jam. It’s such the jam, deadmau5 recently reimagined it for mau5trap’s 100th release, then he gave it away for free because he knew all you fools wanted it so bad. It’s one of those perfect electronic tunes that stays with you forever, and for that, we owe deadmau5 our eternal thanks.

Source: Billboard

http://tunecollective.com/2017/02/14/the-20-best-deadmau5-songs/

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