#because in addition to those trauma-based mistakes

[yoosung-ah]

lol I came out of a 5+ year hibernation, wholly ready to love V with a passion, only to find out half the fandom hates him now

... I am a lil upset if I'm honest and the wikihow for How to Not Be Bothered By People Not Sharing Your Sentiments About a Fictional Character didn't help

[philtatosbuck]

thinking. and. there's a very specific kind of bond you get with. friends raising friends, you know? like i always say that yj had huge parts in raising each other vs the original titans who had already been raised and who really . discovered who they were beyond that within each other and like. MAN. there's of course the trauma and messy relationship of a parentified sibling and whatnot but the messy dynamics of a group of friends raising each other is also so very complex

i do think to some degree the titans helped each other but it wasn't. raising each other it was carving out a home for them all in each other and whatnot but yj were really just kids and that bond is So Very Strong especially with the core four who continued to go on helping each other become people

not enough people talk about how much work the titans had to do to even be recognized by the league also. and they had to like. basically fight? tooth and nail? against their own mentors to be recognized as something in themselves and not just additions to their mentors. and they only had each other for that!!! dick grieved jason with the titans!!!! donna went through some of the most traumatizing self identity ass shit with the titans!!!!!!!!!! raven found a home with the titans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm so

i just have lots of thoughts about friends raising each other + friends helping each other heal from the way they were raised

that's also why i think it's important people know the difference between the kind of teams the titans are + young justice was

with the titans. they were the originals! they built themselves a name, a safe space, a reputation and a family with each other. but they were the original younger heroes. while what they had was special to Just them, they also wanted to make the titans a safe space for all the younger heroes who needed a home and a family like they did. they looked back at their history and decided to try to help other young heroes avoid it. they added BRANCHES of the team. the original titans wanted to do everything in their power to prevent other young heroes from making their mistakes. what they have will always be special to them, but they're willing to open the doors to what they built to every other young hero. they don't have to, but they will. dick grayson, donna troy, roy harper, garth and wally west (and eventually, raven, garfield, kory and vic) built the kind of team that's a legacy that many, many other young heroes can add to over the years. they're not the league, but they can be and ARE mentors for young heroes, whether they're personally involved in their lives or not.

with young justice? they raised each other. they depended on each other and trusted each other in ways they didn't even realize. they bonded through it all. that's not to say the titans didn't, but it's very different. whether it's because of the people or the ages, it's different. the titans have become a legacy with different branches but young justice was never going to be that. the core four are what's left of young justice and they're holding it too closely to their chests for there to ever really be another young justice that really involves them. greta's not a ghost, cissie's not a hero, slobo is gone and anita is basically gone. the four of them are all that's left and whether they realize it or not (which i believe they do), they don't WANT another team without those people. they can work with them, but it will never be like it was. the titans are a legacy, but young justice was just a family.

and like. i'm not saying the core four are wrong for that! i think they can be dicks about it but they aren't inherently wrong for wanting to protect something so dear to them. tim isn't dick, cassie isn't donna, bart isn't wally. they aren't interested in building up a network of teams based on what they went through. they just aren't. people have titans for that, young justice is for them. and i think that's SUCH a solid difference in characterization for all of the characters involved. and it's not like they're selfish for it?? i'd argue they're valid for it. the titans are also valid but man. it just. phew. things were so very different. i think the titans might have done it anyway, but if things were different, if there was another team and the roles were reversed (i.e young justice came before titans), they would be a little more hesitant to open up the titans to others.

that's why in reverse robin aus where tim comes before dick and he has yj and it operates as essentially the titans, it doesn't really work, imho. I JUST HAVE LOTS OF THOUGHTS

[bthump]

How much do you think authorial intent matters in analyzing Berserk? Because I've seen your post on Charlotte and how you interpret her sex with Griffith as consensual because Miura usually does a good job portraying sexual trauma, and sex scene tropes in media are usually dodgy while being intended to be consensual. I always have a hard time with this way of thinking because it doesn't change what objectively happened in the scene.

I actually differentiate between authorial intent and narrative intent to an extent. To me narrative framing matters the most. What Miura may have intended can be important inasmuch as he successfully conveyed it in the story, but I don't think his word is the final word on the story itself. If he gave an interview where he said he intended X, but I think the story conveyed Y, then Y is more important to my interpretation of the story.

So to use the Charlotte sex scene as an example, the biggest reason I read it as consensual (if psychologically fucked up to an extent) is because that's the narrative function of the sex. A rape scene would have a different impact on the story. The sex scene furthers Charlotte's love for Griffith, to her it's a contrast to her father's subsequent attempted assault, Charlotte has no misgivings about it, and the king doesn't accuse Griffith of rape but of theft from him. If it was intended to be a rape scene, it would be essentially nonsensical as a story beat and a bigger failure of writing imo.

And yeah, in addition to that there's the greater media context where a lot of sex that should be rape is treated as consensual.

But yeah I get what you mean about having a hard time viewing things that way. I find the terms watsonian and doylist helpful when discussing stuff like this in fandom, where watsonian refers to discussing characters and events as though they really exist, as though characters have agency and lives and make decisions, and doylist refers to taking account of the fiction of the universe, the knowledge that it's written by someone who has a point to convey and might have biases and make mistakes.

So on a watsonian level you can't really argue that it isn't rape because Charlotte says no. If it happened in real life, it would be rape, the end.

But on a doylist level it doesn't fit the story, and there are better ways to interpret that scene to suit the overall narrative better, which we can understand based on the various context clues I mentioned above.

When I discuss stuff I'm usually doing it on a doylist level because that's just how I roll lol, I enjoy analysing media as a construct created by people attempting to convey a meaning. To me, characters/setting/plot/etc are first and foremost tools to futher that meaning. But a lot of fandom is really into the watsonian level, which makes sense because that's where headcanons and fanfiction thrives, and it's a lot of fun to explore and speculate about the characters as though they're real people with real psychologies, to explain away plot holes and bad writing with in-universe explanations, etc.

It's totally cool to prefer one over the other imo! But yeah I think it's always good to differentiate between those different types of analysis, because they're trying to accomplish very different things, and to be aware of what level you're interpreting the story on. I find that it's really easy to get into discussions where people just talk past each other because one person is discussing the story as a fictional construct and the other is discussing it as if it's a real event that happened. It's how you get arguments like ''the depiction of this character is sexist because she's naked for no reason except to titilate the het male audience' 'there's totally a reason though, it's because she breathes through her skin!' or whatever lol.

Thanks for the ask! I like getting the opportunity to explain where I'm coming from when it comes to meta.

[gardensnakie]

Who's better at poetry, Stranger or Sunny?

I automatically assume that Sunny would lean more onto the drawing side of art rather than writing, let alone poetry. I think it depends on how people see the character because based on Canon occurrences, Sunny takes a lot of inspiration from the outside world, like from comic books and movies when he dreams. He creates new adventures and scenarios that would lead most to assume that he would be a good writer if he practiced. In addition to his more darker thoughts, and his sad poem skill, it seems possible he'd be good at it. But the thing is, Sunny has trouble identifying how he feels, that includes speaking and even writing those feelings down. If he were to attempt to journal anything for those 4 years that he was stuck in the house, that would ruin the world he created for himself where mari didn't die. With how much he was repressing his feelings, trying to organize them into words would be a long shot. That's why Sunny turns to drawing, in can be incoherent as he wants without directly including the thing he wants to ignore. (And sunnys drawings are cool, I'm a sucker for violent, surrealism art) Even after the truth, I think sunnys poetry would be good and cool to read (I'm not sure, I'm no critic but I'd like to think sunnys poetry would be very vivid, sometimes incoherent) His poetry would be for his eyes only, I don't think he'd actively try to get better at it but use it as a way to be less stressed.

With rare access to pen and paper, Stranger has a lot to say but speaks in a cryptic way as a way to hold back. Of maybe it's because Omori/Sunny refuses to hear anything of the truth that Stranger is simply cursed to never say it out loud. Or maybe Stranger doesn't want to frighten them away and chooses his words carefully in order to keep him from retreating further into repression. I like to think about the second possibility. Stranger is capable of altering his words in a vague, but concise way to lead, question, or warn The Dreamer. He also has access to the Lost Library and practically most of the horrors residing in Blackspace. Every idea is different down there, it changes constantly, the abstract rooms and delusions is a gold mine for inspiration. Horrible inspiration, actually. (Kinda reminds me how most artists are troubled in some way, "thank you for the trauma, I need it for my art" kinda way)

Stranger had been down there longer since Sunny avoided blackspace as much as he could. Who knows? During that time, Stranger must've talked to himself a lot. He may speak strangely, not really using the words 'I feel' because spiraling is far too easy in a quiet place like that. He can't really draw. With personified fears and ideas from The Dreamer in all those rooms, Stranger doesn't want to draw them again as a mean to express his own feelings. How can you express the hell in your head when there is hell all around you? So melodramatic. At least Sunny sat in denial, surrounded by color. Stranger reminds me of someone doodle silly things, at least draw something where he hoped to be instead of living in darkness. Though, it'd probably make him more sad, so he'd abandon it somewhere. If he could, Stranger would write a lot. His thoughts could be like a little rule book to keep himself sane. Anger, guilt, shame, vile thoughts, disgusting actions, Stranger would make sure certain mistakes don't happen twice. He'd remember his purpose, helping Sunny remember. Certainly making him feel less worthless. If all this writing was possible, Stranger would be the one with tons of poems.

Ramble. Ramble. Ramble. Jeez, that was a lot of crap. Sorry if you were expecting a yes or no with a few sentences of reasoning, I wanted to reinforce a lot. It gave me a few ideas in the process, but all of it is pretty loose and theorizable (i didnt read check this, so sorry if certain sentences of explanation are a little awkward). But yeah, whaddya think?

[cosmossystem]

on separate spaces

(long post bc im a yapper & idk how to be brief)

this is just my opinion, but as someone in an osdd system, i feel like theres no real way to go "this only applies to disordered systems and non-disordered systems could never hope to understand it so get out of here because this is not by/about/for you" etc.

on a base level, i get why you would want to have different spaces to discuss your experience with the disorder and its symptoms. and i agree that we need those spaces. i WANT to talk about those things, and i do! but the "didosdd community"... does not do that. if they did, i dont think wed be having this conversation.

instead, its like theyre trying to make a space for themselves, but instead of founding it on shared experiences like they should (for instance: general plurality or how to deal with dissociation and the like), theyre founding it on the distress they go through (caused by their symptoms) and then acting like plurality is the reason for those symptoms, instead of just... treating it like separate issues. like sure, you might be plural because of your trauma, but your didosdd is your trauma response and why you have those symptoms, not the plurality in and of itself. there are non-systems who dissociate or who have amnesia, and the inverse is true. its a gray area.

but truthfully, they dont care for any of that. all they know is that theyre miserable, and they want to stay miserable.

not counting the autism (cuz its a special case), ive got two other major Big Bad disorders that make my life hell: ocd and avpd. and in all of these communities, i see the same exact thing every time. we never talk about how we can live life happily with these disorders or heal. i dont hear about ocd successes, or how someone overcame their avpd and carved a life out for themself. i hear about the struggles, and how it sucks, and the way it ruins your life.

because when you are REALLY deep into these disorders, you are pretty hopeless. i know and ive been there. the didosdd community likes to bond on their suffering, because suffering people attract other suffering people. its a cycle: the more you talk about suffering the worse you feel, and you look for comfort in other suffering people but no healing actually happens. they (didosdd) cant imagine a life without suffering-- and, important distinction: they mistake their plurality for the reason they suffer.

which, yes. you can suffer with plurality. it isnt all sunshine and rainbows. its hard! youre allowed to not like it or hate it even! but what im trying to say is that the point of therapy, generally, is to learn to live with your symptoms. mental illness cannot ever be fully healed, it is a product of your brain being abnormal, and no, even integration wont cure you. but they dont seem to get that? they think of themselves as fractured/broken/wrong somehow, their plurality is "proof" of that, and then cry about how awful didosdd is and 'why would someone ever want this?'

look, i get it. i HAVE didosdd. i know it sucks. i know its hard. its awful and i hate it. but i dont hate being plural. i dont hate my alters. we are more functional this way than we would be if we were a singlet. and, most importantly, being a system outside of your didosdd symptoms is important and valuable. your symptoms are just... the disorder itself. not the plurality. they just coexist.

because there will come a day very soon where our system no longer suffers from our symptoms to a degree that we will no longer fit under the didosdd criteria. because you can truly minimize those symptoms, function as a unit, and you wont need the label anymore. because didosdd is not "youre plural and it sucks". its "everything sucks, and youre plural in addition to it sucking". youll most likely still be plural, but it wont suck anymore.

and in all of my experiences with osdd/did/whatever we have--dissociation, a little amnesia, distress, all the works-- these are all things that non-disordered systems can have experience with. theres a ton of overlap. i dont feel like, on a fundamental level, theres really any huge difference between us (disordered) and them (non-).

yet the didosdd community seems to like to gatekeep those symptoms? which doesnt make sense either. ive never met a non-disordered system that didnt struggle in some way with a different mental illness, and those things i mentioned above are all really common symptoms of other disorders, like autism, adhd, personality disorders, (c)ptsd......

but most of all, i think a lot of didosdd systems tend to think of non-disordered systems --whether they (claim to) support them or not-- as this like, Magical Separate Thing with No Common Ground to them...?

like, you dont think endos had to go through a discovery period? you dont think theyve been judged or abused or outcast for their plurality? you dont think theyve ever struggled with switching, or communication, or headspace, or alter roles? you dont think theyve never felt invalid or unreal or like they were broken? hell, they probably feel that MORE than we (didosdd) do because of how you guys treat them!

and if the goal of having separate spaces was to talk about your symptoms and help each other cope with your stigmatized disorder (again: a very valid thing to do) like they claim to do... well, you certainly dont do that.

yall are too busy fighting over whos faking, and basing your existence on a disorder. and speaking from years of experience: basing your existence on a disorder makes for a very miserable life.

because, put it this way-- ive never met an endo/supporter that i didnt generally agree with and feel respected by. sure, i dont understand most of them, but the more they talk about their experiences the more i go "oh hey, we do that too! we arent so different after all." they listen to me. i listen to them. we help each other, and share advice on how to become functional units. we share the good and the bad. we understand we are more than a disorder. we are a community!

but on the other hand, i have met a lot of sysmeds who (as the name implies) think our existence is purely medical, reduce us down to our symptoms, and treat us like broken fragments instead of like actual living breathing people.

that isnt getting over your disorder, or learning to cope with it. thats forming an identity around your pain. and ive tried that and i nearly died from it, and im gonna tell you this: it doesnt fucking fix you. it doesnt make your symptoms better, it doesnt make you happy, it doesnt make you functional. it only makes you sad and bitter and suicidal. if you genuinely believe youre broken, then you are. and you will stay broken until you heal, which you cant do if youre surrounded by other miserable broken people.

respectability politics 101: society thinks youre broken for being plural. if you agree with them, there is no way to challenge the stigma of your disorder. you wont improve, or find people who accept you. they have no reason to-- after all, youre a freak, right? and youll stay the same. sad, bitter, broken.

[artiecore]

i've been thinking a lot about a pmmm x niigo au, which i will write properly and post to ao3 when i'm on my winter break. but for the time being lemme share my pmmm kin assignments for the nightcord at 25:00 characters because i think a lot of people who have thought of this in the past are just doing it based on aesthetics without considering anyone's personality whatsoever:

firstly, and most obviously, kanade is getting assigned homura. mainly because both kanade and homura have a huge "saving people thing." in the case of homura, she made her entire wish to protect madoka, and is doing everything to save her with no regard for her own well being. in the case of kanade, she's doing everything she can to write a song that can save mafuyu. there's other smaller reasons as well—the long hair, the physical weakness, their uninhabitable rooms, their absent parents, their shared belief that they are inherently bad people (re: kanade blaming herself for her father's illness and homura calling herself a devil at the end of rebellion), but their need to save another person, and dependence on saving that person in order to prevent themselves from falling into despair is the most obvious reason.

next most obvious is mizuki being assigned mami. this is because both of them are extremely lonely and have ended up becoming distant from others, while putting up a strong face to avoid people from thinking they need help. after realizing that most other magical girls only do their jobs for their own benefit, mami distanced herself from other magical girls. in addition, she is unable to befriend her peers because they can't understand being a magical girl. however, she still puts on the strong face as a mentor for madoka and sayaka until episode 3, where she ends up breaking down in front of madoka and admitting how lonely it is. mizuki is also extremely lonely—in secret distance, they end up distancing themself from the others in niigo to avoid being hurt by them like they were hurt by their peers in the past, and in my footprints, your destination, they still did their best to shield their loneliness and put on a strong face for ena, even when they were confronted directly by her. both mami and mizuki also have similar aesthetics (present as very feminine), and they both serve as mediators of their respective groups in a sense.

next, ena as kyoko. firstly, the daddy issues. oh my god, do they both have those by the bucketload. they both want validation and unconditional love from their fathers, and they both don't get it. in addition, they both have very similar personalities, especially when it comes to handling trauma. kyoko, after her father kills his family and then himself, ends up pushing away mami (see: a different story), and becomes extremely jaded and confrontational. at the same time, she's still extremely compassionate towards others: she tells sayaka about her past in an attempt to help sayaka learn from her own mistakes, the reason she pushed away mami was because she viewed herself as a liability after losing the ability to perform magic (see: a different story), and she ends up sacrificing herself to kill oktavia when sayaka becomes a witch. although her trauma is completely different, ena responds similarly to kyoko—she becomes self-depracating about her own skills, she becomes more "tsundere," she pushes away people she cares about (see: akito in insatiable pale color), and in particular, she's very confrontational towards mafuyu in the main story. at the same time, ena is very compassionate towards the people she cares about. when mafuyu tries to disappear into empty sakai forever, ena shows up and uses her jealousy of mafuyu to try and persuade mafuyu to value her talents more. in the case of mizuki, ena is also willing to do whatever is necessary to try and save someone she cares about. and as a bonus, she also views herself as untalented and inferior (similar to kyoko's belief that she is weaker because she can't do magic).

finally, the most controversial opinion i have, and one which i have never seen before in any other niigo x pmmm au: mafuyu is madoka. NOW I KNOW THAT AESTHETICS WISE, HOMURA AND MAFUYU ARE MORE SIMILAR. purple. i'm aware. they also appear similar on a surface level because they have the whole depression trauma thing going on. I KNOW. but yall gotta understand that homura and mafuyu are almost complete opposites in how they're handling things. mafuyu's depression manifests as her feeling numb, being unable to understand herself or her emotions, and a general feeling of purposelessness. she's a nihilist. she's given up on life, and she feels empty inside. homura is also empty inside, but she understands herself perfectly well—even if she's purely defining herself as the person who will save madoka. they're both severely depressed, but homura's basically the exact opposite of mafuyu in terms of how they're behaving because of it.

but why madoka? well, there's a bunch of reasons. firstly, madoka and mafuyu, on a very surface level, both appear to be perfectly happy, with no problems in their lives whatsoever. episode 1 of madoka magica shows how happy madoka's life is, and how few problems she has. and i know it's hard to remember since we see behind mafuyu's carefully constructed façade so often, but on the surface, mafuyu also seems like she's got it all—honors student, archery club president, class representative, talented at english, aiming for medical school. hell, she's even good at writing lyrics and composing her own songs! but dig a little deeper, and it's a cover for their deeper issues, although it's less extreme in madoka's case (probably due to madoka having a significantly better family than mafuyu). madoka struggles with huge amounts of self-worth issues. she wants to be a magical girl because she believes that this will make her special and give her the sense of identity and purpose that she currently lacks. which is startlingly similar to how mafuyu struggles to understand her identity and desires to have purpose in her life. they're both also extremely comfortable with the idea of disappearing forever. obviously, the entire main story for niigo is about how much mafuyu wants to just disappear, but madoka is also startlingly comfortable with the idea of disappearing and becoming a concept forever—not just because she wants to do the "right thing" or "help others," but also because, deep down, she does not care if she disappears as long as she is able to help other people, and make her life meaningful through doing so. not to mention? both mafuyu and madoka have a huge tendency to put others before themselves, and will do anything to help others. this is most obvious with madoka's wish to prevent witches from existing, as well as all her previous wishes being wishes to help others (whether it be homura, sayaka, mami, or even just a random cat), but also mafuyu originally wanted to be a nurse to help others, which spiraled into her living for others and losing touch with her own sense of self. they're both self-sacrificial and selfless to a fault.

in conclusion: based on personality, kanade = homura, mafuyu = madoka, mizuki = mami, ena = kyoko, and i have way too much free time on my hands in spite of the three essays i have due this week

[everythingelseisextra]

Hello Eli! ☺️

From the ask game, (The Wild Ones) what’s the inspiration behind the story? How did you started writing it? -I’m about to go for the next part- (questions of my own)

Just for fun, I'll give you the inside scoop of how Wild Ones came to be.

It was a long time coming, I'll be honest. I'd been thinking about writing a horse trainer x Tommy fic since my first foray into the fandom, a little after COVID. It was born from being a little obsessed with how Tommy treated horses, and from the fact that I've been with horses for most of my life. I didn't write it for those years I was in and out of the fandom for fear of it not being liked. It was completely self-indulgent, in my head.

Then I put out feelers recently, got some support, and started writing. THAT'S when inspiration really hit.

I didn't outline it, just had a clear beginning, middle, and end point. I took a lot of inspiration from different forms of poetry (Sylvia Plath, T.S Eliot, etc.) and, also... *spoilers ahead if you don't know the reader's full backstory*

...Based on my own experiences, I deeply wanted to create a character who defied the usual trauma-porn, victim viewpoint of a lot of SA/trafficking survivors. I get tired of seeing mental illness and trauma dramatized in media, and felt like quieting it down and trying to show the inside of it; no intense flashback sequences or explicit details, just the effects. The way I write the reader is very, very purposeful.

Lastly, I've always wanted to pair Tommy with someone who worked with horses because of the philosophy that comes from becoming a well-rounded trainer. "You never punish someone for trying and failing," is a sentiment I express in my most recent part. I think that Tommy deserves grace (no pun intended) and needs to be allowed to make mistakes. There are natural consequences to what he fails at, and he doesn't deserve to be punished in addition, the way he often is in the show.

Alright, I'll get off my soap box. I REALLY appreciate you asking this question, it got me to sit down, think, be grateful for what this fic has allowed me to do, and be grateful for the support I've gotten.

Thank you so much, and it's time for me to go to bed. <3

[sugarcubetikki]

I’m going to analyse all three characters involved in the love triangle based on their personal needs and wants as well as their relationship dynamics linked to some of the themes of the show to prove that byler is the best endgame narrative.

will - his personal arc has always focused on acceptance and gaining love. his sexuality has always been a huge part of the show too and we can see how it makes him feel like he’s different, a mistake, how he’s  social outcast in a way just because he likes different things to other people and how he’s had to undergo so much homophobic bullying from school and pressures to conform mainly from his dad (a lot of his childhood trauma starts from the way Lonnie treating him and made him feel like an outcast for not liking socially normative things). a big part of his arc has always been finding people in his life who accept him for who he is and people who make him feel loved - it’s key for him to stay strong and overcome his trauma and that’s why support systems are so important for will’s character which is why he felt so isolated and heartbroken when he felt neglected in s3. his love for mike also has always been there as a layer under all his character intentions okay and it’s so deep. he loves mike to the point he’d sacrifice his own feelings for mike and el’s happiness even if it’s hurting him. also the fact that he’s thought about having a future with mike through “wanting to play d&d with him for the rest of his life” and it’s also a canonical fact that will needs mike only because he loves him too (not that el needs mike as it’s will’s truth) and that mike makes will feel better for who he is thus he makes him feel safe and that he’s always given will the strength and courage to fight on. will’s love for mike/beautiful bond with mike is beneficial for his character arc as it makes him feel safe, comfortable and accepted. when finn said, will’s love for mike is beautiful he wasn’t lying, it is beautiful. i can’t even comprehend why they’d build it up like this so much if they were only going to have will get rejected or not do byler it would be pointless buildup and focusing so much over will’s feelings towards mike and his heartache to the point they focused on will over milkvan this season is just so insane they intentionally wanted the audience to feel and root for will. if he doesn’t a happy ending, it would be dreadful and all this buildup being thrown away would be pointless especially when his love for mike/bond with mike complements with his arc so perfectly. 

el - her arc is about becoming her own person: discovering her own needs and wants, finding strength in herself to stand up to those who try to control her, ultimately it’s about el embracing her own personal freedom. it’s also about el finding a home, finding family and finding people who’ll love el for who she is and let her be herself instead (similar to will).. a lot of her relationships are the ones that line up with her arc and contribute to her character growth as her arc is focused on people loving el for who she is and enabling her to grow as a character by offering her that personal freedom. at the start, mike and el’s arcs did align and mike truly did make el feel safe and loved for the first time in her life after how much brenner controlled and abused her in the past it was refreshing for el to receive that kind of love. mike is an important person in el’s life but he’s also the first person to make el feel loved and el still had no idea what she wanted then and no idea what love was so she was entering a romantic relationship way too quickly at that point. during the time of the kiss she’s surprised and a bit confused as she is with everything she’s not wrapped her head around it she was asking him whether they were like brother and sister. as the show progresses el builds bonds with more people and so many more people are important in el’s life in addition to that milkvan’s romantic relationship is just a disaster and it’s just not working out. furthermore, it becomes clearer as the show goes on that her attachment to mike weakens as more people enter her life and when talking about mike romantically she’s very unsure about the state/the future of their relationship. when she’s with max she seems interested in the prospect of having other boyfriends/liking other boys and she calls mike her “first boyfriend” too. there’s not a sense of forever established like it is with will. it’s never been implied not even once that el can see a future with her and mike - I do think it’s largely because el’s figuring out who she is and hasn’t come to terms with that yet so seeing a future can be difficult for her but she definitely does express that desire of dating more people in the future and that she doesn’t see mike as the one for her anything like that. I mean she is a bit upset when max calls mike her ex boyfriend but I think that term just alludes to the fact she’s afraid of losing mike in general. el can see herself in other romantic relationships in the future but she’s afraid because she feels that not being in a relationship with mike means that they won’t need and love each other anymore so they’ll lose each other. she wants mike in her life and doesn’t want to lose him but at that point she was in that position where she felt like she had to be in a romantic relationship with mike for him to love and need her (same with mike) when in reality they’ll still love and need each other even if it’s not romantically they won’t lose each other. I think el realises that more this season as her arc is more about self-growth, finding love and strength from within herself. she’s definitely pulled away from mike romantically at least in my eyes she’s realising that she needs and wants him in her life but not romantically because when they’re in a romantic relationship they don’t work out. she feels like she has to live up to a standard for him and she lies to do that even though she hates it and she feels like mike’s not offering her the love she wants/needs at the start of the season (because he’s going through his own thing) so she feels unloved by him and she doesn’t tell him things because she feels like he doesn’t understand her too. el wants to be loved by mike but she won’t be in a romantic relationship with him if she’s not getting the love she wants like this. it’s better off for her to escape a relationship that’s making her unhappy and like. el loves mike but not romantically she doesn’t need him romantically and the show has established it too - them breaking up is a better move for her ac.

mike - he’s a difficult one but his arc has always been focused around his desire to be being needed. his saviour complex is his way of expressing that need and proving his worth. a lot of that seems to root from his insecurities about being unwanted as he seems to feel unworthy and not special and just like some random nerd as he put it. he loves being a nerd and loves playing d&d of course but I feel like he thinks that it’s nothing special and maybe that’s all there is to him and that he isn’t good enough for anyone thus he wants to be needed and wants to prove himself worthy. he also hates being alone and he’s afraid of losing people in his life. I think that fear has been strengthened throughout the course of the show due to traumatically losing both el and will because of the ud and therefore there’s a lot of focus around his relationships with those two mainly (as well as the love triangle aspect). like I mentioned with el, in s1/2 before they started dating their relationship worked well together and it was satisfying both their character needs/wants. when mike lost will, he was clearly having a hard time coping, and he did not want to accept that will was gone, he always had hope that will was out there somewhere and that he was going to find him. mike’s not the best with introspecting his own emotions and he doesn’t really reflect back on them he seems to be type of person who projects everything he’s feeling onto action, onto doing other things and onto other people. when el came into his life, he’d lost will, and el needed someone as mike himself put it so mike became that person el needed and was one of the first people to show her compassion and make her feel special for who she was instead of an experiment in a lab (these are mike’s words too and they’re truer than that entire monologue because they can be backed up!). the truth of the matter is mike needed el in that moment too, he needed someone to impress as Finn would put it and he just needed someone to need him because will wasn’t there anymore. will not being there is important because will has always been there for mike and will was mike’s first friend and he has always made mike feel less alone. as mike would put it, asking will to be his friend was the best thing he’s ever done. hawkins isn’t the same without will to mike even to this day as will has always made mike feel needed and loved and wanted (he’s singled out from max, lucas and dustin too). with will gone, mike had an empty hole in his heart and mike was trying to fill that in through finding will and also caring for el or impressing el. I’m not saying mike didn’t truly care for el or anything definitely not all I’m saying is that during the time of s1 el and mike needed each other for very particular reasons and it doesn’t stay true throughout the seasons. el gains her own autonomy and more people become important to her and make her feel special other than mike and mike feels distanced/disconnected from el throughout her entire journey. at the time of s4, there’s a disconnection between them because mike’s still connected to the el from s1 that needed someone back in those woods he found her in but the truth and reality of the situation is that el has grown and changed as a person so much that she’s not the same person who needs mike in that way anymore. as el grew as a person, she felt unreachable to mike (her lying in those letters about her fake glorified life didn’t help) and that’s why he feels like she doesn’t need him anymore and he’s right. his insecurities come in here about being afraid of losing her due to the fact that she doesn’t need him anymore. I think like I mentioned for el, mike believes that not being in a romantic relationship with el means that he’ll lose her entirely and they won’t love and need each other anymore when that’s simply not the case. you can see the effect that heteronormativity has on the perception of their relationship and I think that’s also the reason mike perceived their bond in s1 as romantic because if we take my reading that mike was somewhat subconsciously filling the empty hole in his heart that will left through el then he’s sorta piggybacked his romantic feelings for will onto el but he didn’t really realise he was doing that because of heteronormativity. for me it’s still unclear if he truly liked el or not I believe it’s possible that maybe he did like her like maybe it was a puppy crush as the duffers put it but I still believe his deeper romantic feelings were piggybacked. it’s funny because it could be a stretch but he’s still doing it in s4 to this day it’s just gotten clearer that monologue is just him piggybacking off of will’s coded confession. I think at this point and stage though el doesn’t need mike like that and never did and the reason why mike feels like he has to pretend around her and keep pretending is because he can’t be natural around her. their romantic relationship is full of lies, facades and superficiality is because mike can’t be natural around el, he has to pretend and he’s trying to fit a framework that he can’t fit. mike in s3 was just him trying to be a good boyfriend and failing because of how staged and unnatural it was. he was going off being a good boyfriend very logically like he was taking advice from lucas and trying to follow rulebook instead of just being himself. however that’s the problem he can’t be himself because he doesn’t love el romantically and didn’t want to confront that. since it’s not addressed in s3, that patterns of behaviour continues in s4 into the airport scene where he’s still wearing a facade and still trying to be a good boyfriend, but he’s gotten even more cold and disconnected. their fight when el points out how mike never says it and never writes it is because he can’t he just can’t because he doesn’t love her in that way. when that fight happens, he’s back at will’s side, and his relationship with will is such a contrast to how he is with el. he can open up to will and be himself around him. will is one of the only people mike is vulnerable around. will makes mike feel comfortable and safe enough to do that and we know that the feeling is mutual. the coded confession getting through to mike is important because we as an audience know that those are will’s feelings and everything he’s saying resonates with mike so so much because it’s exactly what he wants. he’s looking for it in el but he can’t find it in her because they don’t romantically love each other in ways that the other desires. they don’t speak the same love languages and hold the same romantic priorities but mike and will do. however it’s like mike thinks those are el’s feelings so he’s responding to them and feeling them during the monologue it’s another piggybacked situation here where he thinks he loves el but it’s will instead. I think throughout the course of this season or maybe the hiatus between s3 and 4 - his feelings for will have started to dawn on him (because there is no other explanation for his strange behaviour). I feel like he’s in a similar position to nancy in s2 with steve and jonathan. st*ncy and milkvan are the safe options that parallel ted and karen wheeler (arranged loveless marriage) that mike and nancy feel like they needed to conform to - they saw them as the ideal relationships they grasped onto and refused to let go of because they’re the safe options and they try to convince themselves that they do love steve/el despite knowing deep down in their hearts that they don’t they love someone else. this got very long but mike needs and loves el just not romantically but he keeps trying to convince himself he does and it always come out so unnatural because of that as he’s trying to conform to something he isn’t. in a show about embracing yourself for who you are and being social outcasts let’s say maybe he shouldn’t be in the relationship that he’s not himself in. when he’s with will, it’s the opposite, he can truly be himself around will and everything with will is so natural. will makes him feel less alone and his desire to be needed is effortless around will because he doesn’t have to live up to certain standard to appease will he doesn’t have to impress will he can just be himself around will and will would need mike in any shape or form because it’s clear that will loves him for who he is. 

in conclusion, to fit the show’s theme of defying forced conformity and loving people for who they are, byler endgame would make the most sense because mike and will can be themselves around each other, they love one and other for who they are and milkvan is also just a product of heteronormativity - an example of forced conformity and a restraint in mike and el’s arcs so them being endgame when their relationship is so unnatural would go against all the themes of the show. 

[gothamundernightlight]

MCU Hot Take/AU Theory - long post, be warned!

Just because Endgame is being picked on again, I thought I’d share my perspective because why not. Gifs aren’t mine, credit goes to the talented creators on this app.

Neither Natasha nor Clint should have died on Vormir…because neither of them should have been on Vormir.

I never really understood the reason for splitting up the teams the way they did in Endgame, and here’s why.

Aside from what has already been acknowledged on Vormir, the right people were all on the wrong missions. If you think about it, by sending Nebula to Morag, they had to address Thanos all over again, by sending Thor to Asgard, he was forced to address all of the trauma and grief he was suffering in the worst possible circumstances, Tony messed up and let Loki get away, and then Steve got recognized on the base dedicated to him (shocker!).

It’s at this point that I bring up a line from the first Avengers movie. “This is monsters and magic and nothing we were ever trained for.” Natasha says this to Clint, and I really wish the writers had thought about that more going forward. Clint and Natasha were trained spies, and we almost never saw them act like it because the films were too busy making them keep up with the rest of the team superheroes. Why not just use their OG skill sets rather than give them new ones to provide additional character development? (Looking at you lullaby Nat 👀)

So here’s how I would’ve done it. Thor should’ve gone to New York with Scott, Tony, and Rhodey. Thor, who has had the most experience with Doctor Strange, whom they were expecting to find, would have done just as good a job at convincing the Sorcerer Supreme of handing over the Time Stone. Rhodey would not have looked out of place in that lobby so he wouldn’t have had to rush away in fear of being caught and then not been knocked over by an angry Hulk. Scott goes with him, and Tony gets the scepter, and flies away without being caught by Captain America.

Rocket and Clint should have gone to Morag. The two of them are very good at sneaking around and taking out people clandestinely, so they should’ve been getting the Power Stone. Also the dynamic between Clint and Rocket would have been absolute comedy.

Natasha and Nebula could’ve paired up for Asgard. Thanos could have noticed two Nebulas at once again, still leaving the big fight at the end, and as two women, they would’ve probably gotten along well enough to make the movie actually pass the Bechdel test.

Now back to Vormir. Steve and Bruce. Putting the Red Skull on Vormir is a choice I could respect, but then making it so Steve would never interact with him on screen was a mistake. The fact that a Nazi gets to live and Natasha didn’t will never sit right with me. So Natasha is never there. Steve interacts with the Red Skull, who then gets to taunt him with the emotional trauma of needing to sacrifice a life to save those he cares about, only for Bruce to call bullshit and sacrifice himself instead, and gaining something he’s hinted at wanting since the first Avengers movie.

But wait. Maybe he doesn’t have to die. The Hulk made Bruce somewhat immortal in canon, and in the sake of someone needing to die, they could’ve become one person and thus given Professor Hulk a far better origin. Steve also doesn’t go back in time and get a nostalgia kick that ruins his character development and most importantly, Natasha doesn’t have to die at the expense of a character who’s sole existence in the MCU has historically been propped up and motivated by his fellow female characters.

(I might actually write this as a fic if I ever get round to it, and these are just my thoughts, I’m sure many of you disagree, but I don’t give a shit)

[bean-chaointe]

More thoughts on oaths and some basic terms to start negotiating from.

I do believe that not every spiritworker has to have personal cultus with gods, and even if they do, there's no actual template for what that has to look like unless the spiritworker in question belongs to a lineage/tradition that says otherwise.

(My previous rambling about the pros and cons of oaths: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/bean-chaointe/675523497936699392 )

That being said, if someone's in a position to be swearing oaths with entities (and they've done the div, and talked to the beings they need to talk to for guidance/permission, and the oath isn't a prescribed one from their tradition, etc etc), I thought I'd offer some of the shit I find helpful.

Some of the...template?...below is based on my own shenanigans with various entities and being a former legal advocate. A lot of it is informed by my yaya (religious elder) being not only similar in neurodivergence to me but also formerly pre-law and a kinkster, and xir sensibilities just reinforced mine. 😂

I always write my oaths down, including the terms I ask from the other entity, and I try to negotiate making sure that the following is always included. Some of these may not be applicable to everyone, and that's fine - they're my oaths, not yours, lol - but I offer my "terms try including in every oath with a god" basics as an example of what you could have, in case any of them are new ideas.

I swear to:

Listen when you speak and take your words under sincere consideration

Speak of you and our relationship with respect and dignity

Work on deepening my understanding of our relationship in this life in ways we can negotiate as needed

To extend the same assumption of good faith as I ask from you in return

To take responsibility for any occasions in which I make a mistake or fail to uphold my half of this oath

To discuss renegotiation of the terms of this oath if you ever feel it necessary.

[additional terms as relevant to any service, the relationship between me and the entity, whatever else; this includes duration of the oath or other time-bound agreements]

I ask [entity] to swear to:

Not to put me in a position of having to break my oaths with other gods and spirits

Respect my autonomy, my boundaries, and my perspective both as an individual entity and as a currently embodied living human, and to discuss conflicts over those things with good faith and mutual consent

Assume good faith when I make a mistake unless there’s concrete reason not to

Be honest if there's information you can't share with me, rather than misrepresent a situation by intent or omission

Be a source of support, protection, and guidance in ways which are rightful, blessed, and in harmony with my other oaths (feel free to expand this in more detail, since you may have specific ideas of what this does - or doesn't - look like in practice**)

Discuss renegotiation of the terms of this oath if I ever feel it necessary

[additional terms as relevant to service, the relationship between me and the entity, whatever else]

** For example, if someone goes to the Morrigan like, "Give me strength," even odds you'll end up tossed into the deep end of a rough situation because nothing teaches you what you're capable of like survival pressure. 😅

The bits about assuming good faith when mistakes are made and not misrepresenting a situation are rooted in some past personal trauma of mine. If you have specific emotional vulnerabilities which may get stepped on or even triggered, I think it's worth tossing in some language around those so that you can rest into knowing where the boundaries and expectations are clearly set.

(Seriously, the worst time to try figuring out relationship stuff is in the middle of a crisis. Better to hope for the best but plan for the worst, imho.)

When in doubt over something, I err more on the side of caution than a blank check of trust. But there may be times when being more freeform about it is part of your relationship with an entity, such as my own with Badb, which is where taking plenty of time to build trust, understanding, and shared communication norms is really helpful so that those blank checks of trust don't feel more like the Sword of Damocles hanging over you.

("Hound, you sound like a goddamn therapist" - well, for one, I'm a peer counselor, so are you really that surprised, and two, DAMN RIGHT, DO YOU REALIZE HOW OFTEN PAGANS AND SPIRITWORKERS GET THEMSELVES INTO ENTIRELY PREVENTABLE FIXES WITH THEIR GODS AND SPIRITS BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T TAKE THE TIME TO JUST SLOW THEIR FUCKING ROLL. 😤Oaths aren't for everyone and that's okay!)

Anyway. This isn't comprehensive (some oaths can be really specific and detailed, and I've seen some which include descriptions of consequences for either side breaking an oath), but so far I've found these to be a decent starting place for negotiating several of my own spirit relationships.

[poormeowmeowcollector]

About Lore Olympus

Before I start, may I list two huge disclaimers. ONE, LORE OLYMPUS IS NOT PERFECT AND FLAWLESS. NOTHING IS PERFECT AND FLAWLESS. And two, just so you know who's yelling at you. My town of birth and childhood is Eleusis, a small town outside of Athens with a huge pagan history especially on Demeter and Persephone, where the Eleusinian Mysteries took place and where the Well which Persephone uses to go from the mortal to the Underworld and vica versa. So, you may say that my life and experience and beliefs (since I'm also a witch) give me some extra knowledge on that myth and that's the knowledge I'll use below

Now, are the characters in Lore Olympus flawed? Yes. They are not perfect even though they're gods and they make mistakes and present human flaws. Why's that? BECAUSE IN THE ANCIENT GREEK CULTURE AND MYTHOLOGY, THE PROJECTION OF HUMAN FLAWS INTO DEITIES WAS SO COMMON THAT WE EVEN SEE IT IN HOMER!

Also, may I remind you that Greek mythology is that. Mythology. Not a Bible. There's no official text, only a thousand versions of stories that change from the time and place and narrator. There is not one official truth that's universally accepted. So, what if Lore Olympus is not 100% accurate? The myths aren't accurate either. And why is it so bad that Smythe made her work hers and not a Wikipedia page? It never says it's an accurate retelling.

Thirdly, STOP JUDGING THE CHARACTERS ON THE MORALS OF CHRISTIANITY. HELLENIC SOCIETIES AND CHRISTIANITY HAVE DIFFERENT VALUES. First off, there's no concept of good or bad because the gods are flawed. There are some unbreakable unofficial rules, such as never leaving a dead body without a funeral or the rule of hybris. But, several things which the characters do are bad in the face of Christianity but fairly okay in the Hellenistic moral compass.

In addition and especially on Apollo. He's not the villain (even though he's often depicted as such and that's some Christian bs), he's just another flawed character like everyone else. Calling him a villain is putting Christian ideas into something that not only existed before chirstianity but was deeply hurt by Christianity. And, because I've heard that, Apollo from Lore Olympus is not the deity Apollo that people worship. And if you hate on a worshipper of Apollo based on just a comic, you may set your router on fire.

And lastly, you ableistic shits. Rachel Smythe has admitted that her drawing style is dynamic and on the heat of the moment and not consistent and that she has dyslexia. So, YOU'LL SEE SOME INCONSISTENCIES AND SPELLING ERRORS. HATING HER ON IT IS NOT ONLY IGNORANT BUT ALSO ABLEISTIC AND, AS ANOTHER DYSLEXIC WRITER, I WILL FUCKING SMITE YOU. What you do there is not criticism, unless pointing at the disabled kid in the schoolyard and laughing at them is what you shits call "criticism".

And, if you hate a comic so much, why do you spend your time and energy on hating it and not on something you love? You will find that your mood will get better, trust me. And if you used to hyperfixate and now hate it, find something else. The fact that you now hate it means the hyperfixation ended and you have to move on and find something that makes you feel better and makes you genuinely happy.

And, lastly, I acknowledge that Lore Olympus has flaws. Some I can list are, the way Apollo is villainized, the way the s.a. is treated, the way the toxic and abusive relationships and friendships are treated and the way trauma is treated. Tho, it is obvious that those flaws are rooted in little knowledge and not bad intends. There are warnings every time those are there and it is not done with a bad intend but just a lack of proper knowledge. But throwing tomatoes is not how this is fixed, but by letting the creator know with a way that shows that our intend is to make the work better, not tear it apart.

[sophieinwonderland]

hey! we wanna add a mixed origin (trauma based) system to the list of reasons why endo systems aren’t monsters!

start of story:

so, prior to our last therapy session, we’ve been identifying as endogenic. when we first found out about our plurality, we thought we were endo cuz we thought our trauma wasn’t “bad enough”, like sysmeds say.

we had an amazing time in the endo community because they were so accepting of all origins. as we started to figure out that we were most likely trauma based, we were scared.

we were scared because we didn’t want to be associated with the sysmeds who told us our trauma wasn’t bad enough.

all in all,

the only thing that sysmeds do while “trying to make endo’s realize they’re actually traumagenic”, is scaring people away. all that sysmeds do it hurt people.

i fucking hate sysmeds for all the hate they give endo’s and making trauma based systems scared to id that way.

sysmeds can suck our balls

also here’s a permit crab :3

and i genuinely thank you (sophie) for battling sysmeds and giving other systems more info. thank you so much /gen /pos

LOL! (at the crab)

Thanks for the addition and the support!

Just tossing this out there, but the endogenic and traumagenic labels were coined by an endogenic system. The term "traumagenic" isn't an anti-endo word. They don't own the label. If you'd like to identify as traumagenic, don't let anyone scare you away or make you feel like that label doesn't fit just because you aren't a part of their clique. If your system formed from trauma, you have as much right to that terminology as they do.

One thing I want to note is that trauma is highly personal. Everyone has different thresholds for trauma and not everyone is affected the same way by the same events. No one has a right to tell someone else what is or isn't traumatic for them. And this goes in both directions.

A couple days ago in the syscourse tag, I saw an anti-endo basically say that if you experienced any sort of neurodivergency, disability or isolation then you're automatically traumatized. The next, I see someone dismissively replying to someone who had formed a system to cope with isolation with "U DIDN’T SPLIT BC UR MOMMY AND DADDY TOOK YOUR PHONE ONCE FOR 3 HOURS," suggesting that isolation can't be traumatizing at all, further pushing the "your trauma isn't bad enough" narrative.

Both of these instances are making the same exact mistakes in completely different directions. Trauma isn't a bad thing that happens to you. Trauma is the emotional response to a bad thing that happens to you. And those emotional responses are extremely subjective and personal.

These polar opposite viewpoints are both rooted in this same toxic mentality, thinking that they can know what's going on in someone else's head better than they do. Both are trying to dictate the personal experiences of others.

I think in the same way we preach that plurality is different for everyone, it's equally important to preach that trauma is different for everyone. If someone says something traumatized them that you wouldn't find traumatizing to yourself, believe them. Likewise, if someone says they weren't traumatized by their experiences, they probably know. (Or, at least, aren't ready to deal with their trauma at that point.)

I just think this basic level of respect for people to know what's going on in their own brain is lacking from a lot of syscourse right now, and that's sad.

[hamliet]

Twisted Skeletons of the Past, Masks of Justice, and Dreams of the Future: the Burden of Legacy

This arc has been heavily hitting us with the idea of legacy, and this chapter in particular shows Compress musing about Dabi and Shigaraki’s heroic legacies and Dabi exposing Hawks’ villainous one. So, let’s examine the foiling between Dabi and Shouto, and to an extent Deku, Shigaraki, and Hawks. 

Hawks having to hide his identity to be a hero parallels Dabi hiding his identity as a villain, and hero society as a whole (cough Gran Torino cough) hiding Shigaraki’s true identity. Gran Torino claimed that he did this because no matter what Shigaraki’s heritage is, he’s still a villain:

Except now we know hero society is just fine with covering up a villain’s heritage to allow him to be a hero; they know heroes and villains aren’t just born. . It’s good that they allowed Hawks to be a hero (though questionable how much Hawks chose to be on his own since he’s more than once implied to be at the mercy of the commission). Still, they won’t let Hawks be himself as a hero because of his legacy, and thereby objectify him by grooming him into a tool. Now because the hero commission forced Hawks into a double-agent role that he did not want, now they’ve only hurt their own reputations when he killed Twice (this isn’t to absolve Hawks).

Hero society focuses on the present at the expense of the past and of the future. While putting on a face of only caring about the present, the hero commission is very concerned about maintaining present appearances, even if it means allowing skeletons to rot in their closets. They prefer to deal with villains heroes and everyday folk as they are, but pay no mind to what made them what they are, nor what they could become in the future. Only what you are at the moment matters. It’s a well-known platitude that is more often than not cheap and overly simplistic, and doesn’t have a place in determining fate. 

Shouto, for one, has always been grappling with legacy as part of his arc, defining himself in opposition to his father rather than as an extension of his father (as Endeavor defined him for a lot of his life). Or so he claims. 

I say “or so he claims,” because Shouto’s actions show that he is well aware he cannot just do away with his heritage, and seems to walk back this claim slightly when he takes an internship with his father not just once, but twice.  On the one hand, he might be trying to learn from his past and that’s good, but on the other, he still clearly struggles with seeing his fire quirk as part of Endeavor, rather than his own. It’s fine if he wants to reconcile with Endeavor (and the series is clearly setting him up to do so eventually), but it’s hard to say this isn’t also symbolic of Shouto regressing after his fight with Midoriya.

After all, we have seldom seen Shouto use his fire quirk after that fight with Midoriya. He lost to Bakugou because he would not use his flames (and Bakugou was pisssssed because of it, thus attracting the attention of the villains who would then kidnap him). Shouto’s inability to use his flames thus helps bring Touya back into his life--and part of the reason Shouto then loses Bakugou to Dabi during the kidnapping is because, well, Shouto does not once use his flames. 

So as much as Shouto says he believes this:

He needs to show it and live it himself, because he hasn’t done this yet. Yeah, there’s probably going to be an eventual “agni kai” between brothers, but I don’t think winning is the purpose. Touya is not just Endeavor and hero society’s shadow; he’s also Shouto’s, much as Shigaraki is Deku’s and Himiko Ochaco’s, and you don’t burn your shadow. You reconcile with it. 

So regarding Touya as a shadow for all of these... as @linkspooky said in her brilliant meta last week, Touya believes his flames are Endeavor’s.

Through challenging Dabi that he can be his own person, that he doesn’t have to be defined by his abuse or even by his villainy, Shouto will likely himself reconcile with his own shadow side. Touya has always assumed his purpose is to be an extension of Enji, because that’s what Enji believed as well:

Touya still views himself that way, attempting a murder-suicide with Endeavor this chapter. Like, his comment about DNA testing likely refers to “test from my dead body” given his suicidal plunge this chapter. 

Touya needs to learn he exists as a person, and because of this he can decide his own purpose, he can take responsibility for his actions (like how Endeavor will probably eventually by sacrificing himself to save Touya): 

The irony is also that Endeavor’s legacy is still, indeed, likely to be defined at least in a major way by Touya. The paneling is brilliant this chapter: Touya is on the back of a mountainous giant monster that is very symbolic of what Endeavor is facing. Endeavor’s words about what he hoped Touya would become are likely foreshadowing: his legacy will be decided by what he does with Touya. Saving Touya might just crush all the frustration/envy/ugliness in Endeavor’s heart to dust. Well, not really. It won’t likely be crushed into nonexistence, because that’s not how the past is portrayed here and not how shadows work in stories. But it might well reconcile Endeavor with his family (this isn’t me commenting on whether I want this or not, just predicting based on what I see in the story). 

Returning to the idea of existing as a person outside of legacy... let’s talk Shigaraki, who is literally being somewhat possessed by legacy right now. AFO is trying to control him, and Shigaraki refuses, keeping his agency... or is he? 

Shigaraki is still driven by his own trauma, trauma that was used by AFO to groom him from Shimura Tenko into Shigaraki Tomura. Even before AFO tried to literally possess him, Shigaraki has not been allowed to exist as a person and discover his own purpose; he’s been groomed as a weapon by AFO since AFO saved him. (It’s also not a coincidence AFO is a long-past-his-time monstrosity: the embodiment of the worst of the past.)

Shigaraki struggling to wake up this chapter is symbolic on a few levels. 

Being controlled by the past, even past trauma, leads to broken bodies and pain. It destroys you as well as the world around you. However, narratively it’s not time for Shigaraki to wake up to this reality just yet, though I believe Deku will get through to him eventually. Shigraki is yes, literally a symbol of the world in that the more he destroys the world the more he hurts himself, which means to save the world is to save Shigaraki.

Deku himself will have a decision to make. He literally carries the past One for All holders around with him. How does Deku want to define not just his legacy, but theirs? Because they certainly have not been perfect; despite good intentions, Nana hurt Koutarou who passed on that pain to Shigaraki. The past continues. The past is the present. Unless those twisted skeletons are exhumed, the future will be poisoned by them. OFA’s legacy is supposed one of saving, but because of Nana’s mistakes (even if instigated by All for One!) is also one of abandonment. If Deku really wants to carry on OFA’s glorious legacy, doesn’t he have to take responsibility for the pain this quirk has caused as well? If he really wants OFA to be used to save everybody, should that not include even the scariest of villains? Shouldn’t Deku confront the burden of having a quirk and being a hero in addition to the opportunity? 

It’s your power, Deku. You get to choose what to do with OFA regardless of the hero commission’s wishes.

The thing about legacy is that it's complex. It will provide links that will likely help Shouto and Deku want to save Touya and Shigaraki, respectively. But it also objectifies, makes it difficult to see someone as a person rather than as a cog in a machine, a tool in a system. Because that is how the hero society views the kids, as we saw with Hawks. Legacy isn’t good or bad: like heroism, it can be used for good or bad, to empathize or to condemn (cough, all the takes good victim/bad victiming Shouto/Touya and Eri/Shigaraki). It’s up to you what to do with it. 

Likewise, the characters can’t bury the past. But they cannot let it claim them, either. They need to decide what they want to do with it: to declare it doesn’t matter at all, the perspective Gran Torino, who was symbolically taken out during this fight, advocates? Or to reconcile with it in order to heal what it left broken and behind, and move forward? 

It’s likely both Deku (with Bakugou) and Shouto (with Endeavor) will save Shigaraki and Dabi respectively by giving them the empathy they are both crying out for (and Ochaco giving Himiko empathy too). 

[dornish-queen]

GQ MEXICO - PEDRO PASCAL 2021

It seems that Pedro Pascal is in all possible universes. Here and there. In the past, in the present, and in galaxies far, far away. Today, the actor is considered the great entertainment reference and one of those in charge of saving a franchise that seemed lost. Enough reasons to talk exclusively about discipline, gastronomy, creeds and how he traumatized his father in 30 seconds.

The RAE defines 'creed' as the set of ideas, principles or convictions of a person or a group. For example, by creed, one can leave his country and be in exile. It happens that one can leave the loved one behind. Or simply live in another reality. And also one can put on a helmet to pretend never to take it off again. If that is the path to follow, the creed says that it must be done with the profession of faith and without stopping to look. Turning the pages of the script for The Mandalorian , the Disney + series that revived passion and nostalgia for the Star Wars franchise , Pedro Pascal came across this definition in every dialogue and moment, and reflection carved his way.

More than two decades have passed since the Chilean-American, Pedro Pascal, began his acting career and today, named as the great reference of 2020 , he misses the theater and it still hurts him not to have the discipline to exercise and maintain a diet sana while acknowledging the irony of having the best year of her career in the midst of one of the worst in recent history. But even in physical solitude, the man who carried the best-selling Christmas baby rescues many positive things and shares his vision of the universes he has traveled through, his passion for distant galaxies and how to traumatize your family with a simple scene of TV. In an interview, the Mandalorian of Latinamerica.

IMDB named you the 2020 benchmark in entertainment, a year in which the world took refuge in fiction. How was living your best time locked up and what do you rescue on a human level from it?

The strength of family relationships and friendship. For them, we endure this physical loneliness. I do find it ironic that in 2020 I received projects so well received by the public, although they were carried out before the pandemic and their impact was during it, and that year I was isolated and alone. But I must emphasize that this loneliness is a privilege when many people had to continue working, surviving and maintaining the functioning of the world. We only had to be alone, but they more than that and you must value it too.

Among the activities you have missed, how much do you miss the theater?

Much indeed. It's something that I miss the most and being with people without being afraid. See a play and return to those experiences of being with people doing and living things in common. That is what I need most, in addition to my loved ones.

Disney fully entered streaming and its strong letter has your face, what do you think of the discussion of platforms against movie theaters?

There are incredible things in streaming and many people develop great projects that they did not have access to before. The diversity of voices is gaining ground and it is important to recognize that opportunities grow exponentially and boundaries change. It is incredible the availability that we have to very well made content and how creative people can share their work in different ways. But I also want to be honest: limiting the experience of watching content only on our gadgets or at home is a mistake that affects the stories we can tell. You have to achieve a mix of opportunities and challenges.

You jump between the fictional universes that mark the last decades until you reach the universe of universes. What is your first Star Wars memory and how do you summarize the essence of this legendary story?

For me, Star Wars is nostalgia itself. It is one of the primary things in my memory, of my childhood. I came to the United States with my Chilean family when I was less than two years old and one of my first memories is going to the movies with my dad to see the saga ; it becomes one of those romantic childhood things that opens your mind, so imagine how special it is to participate in this project. I think the creators of The Mandalorian perfectly understand this nostalgia and that power, and they managed to count on that element as a great ally for the world of Star Wars and I couldn't be happier to be part of it. (From which we expect the third season The Mandalorian)

The Mandalorian exploits the power and nuances of your voice, did you have that letter on your resume?

I didn't know I could do it, but I resorted to my theater preparation, which was very physical on all levels and feelings. There are elements that have to do with and that are essential to create a role, and they teach you that the voice is something primary, something you have to start with and you cannot hide. Now I have learned much more about the importance of that, and how to use it economically. The body also has to do with that, because something very subtle communicates something. In The Mandalorian , I had a great time figuring out how to do it, they gave me the opportunity to develop it in different ways. The opportunity to be very intense at it.

What happens to the ego when someone works under a suit and a mask?

In the conversations about the project, before doing it, we were communicated the idea and the concept of the entire season , so I clearly understood what it was. I wanted it to be the most powerful version of what they were trying to accomplish, so there was no point in involving my ego, you know? It was already very clear what the project meant, so I knew about the character , the piece that it represented for him and the opportunity that it was for me, so I was only focused on executing in a better way the part that touched me in everything this. In the theater, I worked several times under a mask and it helped me develop the experience.

It seems that The Mandalorian has a very theatrical base ...

Exactly, and thanks to the physical experience of working in theater, doing a play a few times a week, discovering how your body and your voice communicate , being part of a whole image, and how you will tell that story visually, I achieved this character. I never imagined that it would be something I would have to use on such an important Star Wars project .

On the list of entertainment greats, there are names like Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, do you think John Favreau should be added to the list?

I think your name is already included. Without a doubt, it is in that category and it is incredible. His vision fascinates me. I remember an episode in the second season , and I had some boots and I walked so much in the snow, it stuck to them. He figured it out, so he talked to the art department about the kind of boots you need when you're out in the snow. They approached me and gave me new ones that fulfilled the idea I was looking for. He noticed it in an instant. It is such a wonderful detail and it is repeated to scale in every session with him. He thinks of absolutely everything and his vision of the use of technology is admirable. He is someone who makes you feel motivated and always sees how to achieve the goal.

One of the reflections in the series is on how and under what circumstances a man can break his creed and way of life. What makes you break with your beliefs?

I think that you must follow your heart so as not to regret anything; Although sometimes it brings pain or conflict, deep down when you look back, everything is worth it because it was what you heard in your heart. I am very afraid to deny that feeling or not to attend to it. I am 45 years old now and I cannot believe I have a finer philosophy. Make it more disciplined. It's ridiculous, but I'm trying to accept that I am and it's all I can say, "follow your heart." Although, you know, I'm not on a good diet yet, I still have trouble sleeping or exercising.

Still good at Chilean empanadas?

Yes, I couldn't stop. And also how good that I do not live in Mexico City because I would only spend it eating. I could move my whole life to defe just to eat.

I want to deviate and ask you, with whom did you see the chapter of your death in Game of Thrones and what traumas did you cause in your family?

For me, no trauma. I separate myself well from the characters , although I fully understand that if I were a Game of Thrones audience and loved that character, it would make an incredible impression on me. Thank you that it was not. I had to interpret it and there was a model of my head to be crushed that way with the tubes and the fake blood, you know? Me lying there, with pieces of my meat, it was funny in the end. But not for my family. For them there is nothing funny but traumatic. My dad's voice changed completely when we saw the episode, he turned around and said: “I didn't like it, Pedro . No, Pedro , not this ”.

The media found similarities between your villain in Wonder Woman: 1984 and Donald Trump. When playing a character with characteristics like this, do you humanize him or do you understand him?

The project had nothing to do with the former president. They always told me that my character in Wonder Woman: 1984 was emotionally messy, and I took that and took that as far as possible. Instead of creating it with images or certain inspirations from life, it was more to work with what was on the page. Personally, what made sense to me is the size of the story that is being told and there is always more, and we all want more. Creatively, if this makes sense, that meant "blowing her out of the park." Connect a hit with the character and be committed to telling his story faithfully, in a way that was true to me. So all the exterior elements found their way.

What a way to start 2021 with the theme of the Capitol ... How do you perceive that moment?

I am not a politician and it is not that I do not have an opinion about this type of event; however, it is not necessary to state the obvious. My opinion would be very simple compared to that of a person who studied this, who knows how to act in these kinds of scenarios; I believe that I am next to the majority who experienced this, which is the logical result of what we have experienced during these years and we are all horrified . It was distressing to see this violence.

If you had the monolith in your hands, what would your wish be?

My wish would be… it's impossible, really (laughs). I think it is to be together again, with less fear and that people have the opportunity to connect.

What is your position on the reality that Chile has experienced in recent years and how has the relationship with your country been since exile?

It is something that I am developing and I continue to do in my life, trying to understand that it is my home. To be in Chile is to be at home, but my life has been very nomadic, living different things and having many influences; so it is strange, I do not feel with the title of a complete Chilean identity nor with an American one.

Neither here nor there?

In a sense, but I'm also completely both. My parents are Chilean , my brothers were born there before my parents traveled, and I came back sometimes because my family is very large; in fact, my parents came back. It has always been there, it continues to develop, and it will be a part of me. I don't know if it answers your question, but it has a lot to do with who I am.

What is your relationship with Latin American cinema? Are you interested?

Much, it has invaded me in life like American cinema. The movies that I carry in my heart, seeing something like Y tu mama was also something that changed me; I also love the work that comes out of Chile , and the only thing I can say is that it is a cinema that needs more access and projects.

Today you have a comedy with Nicolas Cage on the door, can you tell us something?

It's my first shot at comedy , as a complete story within the genre. Speaking of American influences , in the 80s I saw all the films where Nicolas Cage appeared , he came into my life and it's great to be his partner after seeing all his performances.

How is the relationship you have with the comedy genre?

I love it, I have done a lot of comedy in the theater, what happens is that in film and television issues , I was always part of drama castings . And in the cinema, you go where the doors open; Although I identify with one or the other, I think that being an actor , one goes and does what one has to do. Comedy is something unique, it is very challenging because it must be very real to be funny, you cannot hide or use normal tricks. I was very excited to have this challenge in front of a camera.

Finally, Pedro, after going through so many fictional worlds, literally, what do you dream about when you sleep?

I dream that my bathroom is dirty, that I haven't done my math homework, that the oven is on and all that stuff. Sure, there are times when I close my eyes and see myself in all these projects , although my conscience is with the anxieties of the day that you can imagine.

Without a doubt, Pedro Pascal is a particular type .

English Tranlation: Google Translate

SOURCE:  GQ MEXICO

[zosonils-art]

Care woman?

care woman!! her infodump is, as per usual, under the cut

care woman is a mental health specialist, licensed as both a psychologist and a psychiatrist. she works mainly with clients who struggle to open up to human specialists for various reasons, such as trauma or neurodivergence, with the idea being that a robot might feel less threatening to communicate with. the idea behind her was very experimental, but she's seen a lot of success so far! being a robot master makes her uniquely suited to her job - as a computer, she can assess and diagnose possible mental health issues without any risk of forgetting crucial details, while her human-like personality and emotions make for a far more welcoming experience than just plugging symptoms into a database

her personality is slightly more engineered than those of most robot masters, all with the intention of making her more approachable. she's kind, soft-spoken, and patient, and always considers others' feelings before acting. while she usually defaults to being as calm and level-headed as she can, she has a good sense of humour and enthusiasm that she can play up or tone down depending on the needs of whoever she's talking to. she's also programmed with a particularly high level of empathy, making her especially good at navigating emotions at the cost of tending to stress out on others' behalf. she's prone to anxiety and overthinking any small mistake she makes, but recognises this problem as well as she would in anyone else, and has plenty of strategies to keep her mood up and her anxiety in check

she often tries connecting with her clients via their interests, which means reading a lot of books and watching a lot of movies, shows, and video game playthroughs in her spare time. this eventually led to a more personal interest in media, especially movies! combined with her inherent instinct to analyse everything from an emotional perspective, care is fascinated by the way movies put together a compelling story in just an hour or two, and is something of a buff for writing, animation, and cinematography tropes. she's generally most invested in emotionally driven stories, especially when they have happy endings, but she's open to just about any genres or themes that are recommended to her. the only genre she can't handle is horror, which just makes her worry too much about when the scary parts are coming to focus on anything else

since she works in a medical environment with particularly vulnerable people, care is hard-coded on every possible level not to harm humans, moreso than any robot before or since - not even dr. wily could remove this restriction from her, so even after being reprogrammed and instructed to take over the world, she refuses to do so in any way that endangers humans. she's otherwise fairly standard in terms of code and abilities, not outfitted with any fancy experimental tech. she does, however, have some built-in speakers in addition to the one that produces her voice, which she uses to play things like white noise or music for clients who find it relaxing without compromising her ability to talk. these secondary speakers were heavily modified to produce white noise at such a harsh frequency that it can damage computer components, giving rise to her weapon, psychic cry. aside from this, she doesn't have much in the way of combat capabilities, and relies mostly on using her intricate understanding of body language to predict and dodge an opponent's attacks if she's dragged into a fight

care's weaknesses are based on common fears, tying into her aversion to horror and association with emotions. she takes the most damage from eerie pulsar [fear of ghosts], with a secondary weakness to harpoon shot [fear of the deep ocean], and while it doesn't deal any extra damage to her she's vulnerable to the stunning effect of her own weapon [fear of sensory overload/being yelled at]. eerie pulsar also gives her trouble because its area-of-effect nature makes it impossible to dodge or meaningfully block, forcing her to take the entirety of an already powerful attack that she just isn't physically equipped to handle

once again showing my archie bias, she was built by dr. lalinde! while she isn't as deeply involved in the family dynamic as tempo and vesper woman are, given that she lives and works elsewhere, she still very much considers them both her sisters. originally about half of the roster were going to be lalinde's creations [initially i had the idea for a game where lalinde was the definitely not being forced to work for wily 'villain', but i've shelved the idea for now], but care is the only one who retained that connection. i took a lot of her design elements from tempo and vesper, most obviously the necklace-like decal and distinct earpiece shape they all share, but also tried to make her stand out with things like a different shape for her torso and limbs. aside from that, i mostly aimed for something simple and cute - her design isn't too fancy, but i think that works better for her than a really detailed or unconventional look would

that's it for the care infodump, and for this series of posts as a whole! thank you for asking about her, and thank you so much to everyone who's shown interest in my silly little mega man ocs! here's her unfiltered and transparent artwork, as always

[icerosecrystal]

Jasonette - A Second Chance Pt. 1

Next

This one-shot contains major character death as well as blood and violence. BTW, to clear up their ages at the beginning of the story.

Alfred: IMMORTAL, MY CHILDREN

Bruce: 44

Dick: 29

Jason: 24

Marinette: 23

Tim: 21

Damian: 14

(Marinette’s POV)

Ladybug had failed all of Paris. She had gone into today’s battle, thinking that she and her partner Chat Noir would work together to defeat Hawkmoth. But, right when she had asked Chat Noir to take Hawkmoth’s miraculous, he froze. He then did the worst thing she could imagine he laughed. Chat then walked up to Hawkmoth while Hawkomth chuckled, “Little Bug, even your partner doesn’t support you anymore. Just give up.”

Ladybug froze, her mind racing. Her partner had betrayed her. He had decided that the cause they had been fighting for the last decade was no longer worth the fight. (I was going to make you’ll do the math, but then I saw I already told you Marinette’s age above, lmao.) She screamed in frustration and then shouted, “ Never!”

Ladybug or Marinette was a great fighter, especially after having been in the superhero gig for so long. But, Chat Noir was also pretty good, and he was allied with both Mayura and Hawkmoth. It was safe to say that the odds weren’t looking well for Marinette. She was growing tired, and Tikki didn’t have much energy left within her.

That’s when it happened, Marinette made a mistake. The next thing she knew, Hawkmoth had her pinned to the ground and had pulled off her miraculous, consequently revealing her identity. Hawkmoth handed over her miraculous to Chat Noir, who put it on. Chat, then turned into a deep purple, and a voice asked him, “What do you wish for, oh young one?”

Chat replied, “I wish for the rebirth of my mom, Emilie Agreste.” Marinette’s heart stopped. Her ex-partner was Adrien Agreste. And if he’s assisting Hawkmoth, that must mean that Hawkmoth is Gabriel Agreste, her idol. Then Natalie Sancoeur must be Mayura. Marinette came to those conclusions in a matter of seconds. But, after a minute, she started feeling sluggish.  She felt her heartbeat slow down. She was so tired. She just wanted to sleep forever. She didn’t feel so good at this point. Through her blurry vision, she saw a woman that looked like Adrien’s Mother appear. As Emilie returned to full consciousness, that’s when Marinette started losing consciousness. The last thing that she heard in a whisper was, “ A life for a life, that was the price.” Before she closed her eyes,  succumbing her body and mind to the darkness that lay ahead.

(Talia POV)

Talia Al-Ghul was expecting a lot of things today. What she was not expecting was to find Paris in a mid-battle, for one of the heroes partners to betray them, the villains winning, and then said hero dying. She looked at the body of the girl that everyone was staring at and thought she didn’t deserve to die like this, plus she might be useful to the league. Talia pulled up her mask to cover her face and then blended in with the shadows. No one actually so her until she grabbed the girl and disappeared. Her actions prompted a lot of commotion back at the battle location.

Talia boarded her plane, carrying the body in her arms. She was slightly worried about the potential effects the Lazarus pit could have on her. She had experienced the worse side-effects, courtesy of one Jason Peter Todd-Wayne. Talia could still remember his screams as he clawed his way out of the Lazarus Pit and started to attack all the assassins with the intent to kill anyone and everyone. They had barely managed to restrain him. She hoped that this girl would not receive similar side-effects. But, based on the amount of trauma and betrayal she held within her like Jason, it would be inevitable.

Once Talia arrived at the league with the dead girl, she walked out of the plane got some bandages. Talia then took the girl, or rather Marinette. She found out from a face scan that pulled up all her legal documents as well as her background information, to her father, Ra’s. Once she arrived before her father, she bowed her head in respect for him.

“Ahhh, daughter, you’ve returned. And who is this you’ve acquired.”

Talia answered, “Her name is Marinette Dupain-Cheng, twenty-three-years-old, and an excellent fighter. She lived in Paris, France, and was the main hero. Today was the final battle, and her partner ended up betraying her, getting her killed in the process.” She then handed over all of Marinette’s legal documentation as well as her background info to her father.

Ra’s looked through it and then asked, “How would she be a useful asset to the league?”

Talia responded, “After what happened with Marinette, she would have a thirst for revenge on the people that wronged her. I’m enunciating that we can use that to our advantage. The only problem is that Marinette carries around a lot of trauma, betrayal, and loneliness like Jason Todd. I’m concerned that she might have the same reaction for dipping in the pit.”

Ra’s nodded, considering the idea and agreeing that a person with the thirst for revenge would be a useful addition to the league.

Talia watched Ra’s, hoping to get an idea of what he was thinking. He then beckoned for her to follow him. He leads her to the Lazarus Pit, and Talia now knew that Ra’s supported her decision. She put Marinette down and wrapped her in bandages before dipping her in the pit. What happens next is alarming.

Marinette has the same reaction as Jason. This time though, everyone was ready. Talia quickly took hold of her and started whispering how she got to her destination and how she came back to life. Unlike Jason, though, Marinette doesn’t have as much of a temper, which helps Talia efficiently calm her down faster. Talia then tells Marinette, “Would you like to be an Assasin and fix those who have wronged you?”

Talia wasn’t asking. They would force Marinette if she refused, but they wanted to be her ally rather than as her foe. But what would she choose?

(Marinette’s POV)

A burning sensation was all Marinette felt. But she was supposed to be dead. So, what was she doing alive she got out of the green ooze that she was inside. Marinette frantically looked around while clawing the bandages on her to get rid of the burning sensation. When it didn’t work, she tried to claw her way out of the goop to ease the burning until someone caught her around her middle. The same person took her out of the green goop and started whispering reassurance in her ear. Marinette relaxed until the women asked a question that would change everything, “Would you like to be an Assasin and fix those who have wronged you?”

The logical side of her brain argued that she shouldn’t yield herself to killing others, that it was wrong. The other side of Marinette’s brain felt hazy from dipping into the ooze. It was also hazy because of her grief, pain, betrayal, trauma, and loneliness argued that revenge was the only way to go. She slowly let the murky part of her brain take over until revenge felt like eating ice cream on a hot summer day, great. She nodded her head in agreement with the proposition. The woman smiled and then introduced herself as Talia Al-Ghul, the demon head’s daughter. She spent the rest of the day explaining everything about the league to Marinette. Talia also explained rules that applied specifically to her. By the end of the day, Marinette had an outfit that she would use on missions and during training. Talia then left Marinette to settle in. Marinette looked around the room and sighed, getting ready for experiencing this every day from now on.

(Four months time skip)

It had been four months since Marinette became a member of the league of assassins. And as expected, she was a valuable member of the order. Her need for revenge drove her to work harder on missions.

One morning, Talia awoke Marinette with some news. “You will be going to Gotham to check on my son, who should be 14 now. You will observe how he communicates with his family, and if there any problems arise, you will assist them. Report back to me every day, understand?”

Marinette nodded, “Yes, Mistress.” Talia nodded back and then left to get the plane ready. Marinette wore her usual assassin outfit.

Marinette then went outside and stood before Talia. Shed waited for Talia to give her to okay to board the plane. Once she did, they both got on and reviewed everything they knew about Damian and the Waynes. By the time they arrived in Gotham, Marinette had memorized the information of every single Wayne. She said goodbye to Talia and tracked down Damian, watching him from afar in the shadows.

(Time Skip of a Week)

It had been a week since Marinette started observing Damian. She had to say that he was growing soft. Although, it had been four years since Damian was under league supervision. Everything was going all right on the bat’s patrol until it wasn’t.

The bat family was fighting some thugs at the docks when a thug snuck behind Damian, or rather Robin, and shot him in the stomach. Damian fell to the ground in pain, but still alive. This action provoked Marinette to let out a deep, feral growl. She then grabbed some of her throwing stars and launched them at the thug, effectively killing him in the process. Her actions lead the bat clan to shift their attention to her. They quickly fought off the remaining thugs. They then walked up to a bleeding Damian and Marinette standing in front of him as if to guard him.

Batman then asked, “Who are you, and why are you here?”

Marinette answered, “My name is Dark Angel. I was sent by Mistress Talia to look after Damian for a little bit and see how he’s fitting in.”

Batman then stated, “You killed the man.”

Marinette shrugged, “It comes with the job description. I’m an assassin. You know, a murderer who targets people that would be better off dead?”

Batman sighed, “Nobody is better off dead.”

Marinette shrugged again, so done with this conversation, “Speak for yourself.”

(Jason’s POV, sorry for the abrupt change)

Jason stared at the woman in front of him, who must be his age. He recognized her behavior from somewhere. Jason suddenly realized where he had seen this behavior before he exhibited this demeanor after he came back to life. That meant that she had died, and Talia was using her want for revenge like the league used his.

Jason asked, no stated, “You died.”

Dark Angel stiffened, “Who wants to know?” Yup, her reaction confirmed his suspicions she had died and was then brought back by the Lazarus Pit. Most likely recently by how raw her emotions still were.

Jason walked up slowly to her and remarked, “You died and later brought back to the Lazarus Pit. You probably have a thirst for revenge. I can see a lot of you in me. I can help you.” He tried to be as gentle as possible, which was hard considering his character.

Dark Angel backed away while shaking her head, frantically", No, you know NOTHING ABOUT ME! YOU DON’T KNOW THE BETRAYAL, THE TRAUMA. YOU KNOW NOTHING!!!“ She then ran away, trying to get away from the Bat Clan.

Jason looked over at Bruce, or Batman, with determination clear, in his eyes, "I’m going to go find her.”

Batman nodded, “Take RR and Nightwing with you. I’m going to take Robin back to the Bat cave, where Agent A can patch him up. Once you find her, bring her to the cave so that we can talk with her.”

Jason then nodded and grappled in the direction that Dark Angel went, with Red Robin and Nightwing following in his wake. After running for a little bit, they caught sight of her blending in with the shadows. They decided to split up to cover more ground. Jason ran as fast as he could along the rooftops when he finally caught sight of Dark Angel. She looked to be crying. When she saw him, she jumped off the roof and opened a portal falling through. Jason jumped after her and barely went through in time. He then fell on top of something and groaned. Jason got up and looked around. He realized that he was standing on the Eiffel Tower, was he in Paris?

(Marinette’s POV)

After Jason or Red Hood confronted her and tried to compare herself to him, she ran. She started crying, the emotions too overwhelming to not cry. Marinette cried for a little bit. But, she then caught sight of Red Hood running up to her. She glared at him and asked Kaakki to open a portal. A week after she had managed to become an assassin, she had returned to her room and got the miracle box back in her possession. Talia had no idea, and Marinette had no desire to tell her.

She jumped through the portal, she landed on the Eiffel Tower, and took a deep breath. Behind her, she heard a loud thud and then a groan. She whipped around to find that the idiot Red Hood had followed her through the portal. She saw him get up and look around before a look of realization spread through his face. Marinette saw him look at her. She quickly ran away. She felt him running after her. But she had a mission, and she wasn’t going to stop until she accomplished it. Marinette’s mission the demise of everyone that ever hurt Marinette.

She ran to the Agreste Mansion and went through Adrien’s open window. She saw him sitting at his computer happily looking at something. That asshole, he killed her and was enjoying life himself. “Adrien,” she crooned sweetly, “How are you? Are you having a good time since you got your mother back by killing someone else?”

Adrien looked frightened, “How do you know that?”

She walked up to him, hips swaying. She then pulled out her dagger and slid her finger across the blade, “I know a lot of things about you. Like how you are a selfish, asshole.” She then pulled him closer to her and put the dagger to his neck. “You deserve to die, slowly and painfully, and I will happily help you.”

Before Adrian could scream for anyone, Marinette had already stabbed him in the stomach where his lungs were. She was going to do his heart or behead him, but that let him off too easy. The look of pure horror etched onto his face as he fell on the floor with blood all over him, and the floor had Marinette smirking. She grabbed the cat miraculous off of Adrien’s finger and the ladybug miraculous off of his ears. She knew that Red Hood was behind her, but she couldn’t care less.

Next, Marinette went looking for Gabriel and Natalie. It looked like Emilie was out right now. So, Marinette wouldn’t kill her. She also didn’t take part in killing her. She found Gabriel and Natalie in the house’s atelier. Once they saw her, they prepared to attack her. But she had already whipped out a gun and had shot both of them. She had tried to shoot them approximately below where their heart was. As Marinette got closer to examine them, she realized that she had damn good aim. The bullets had hit them directly in the area she was hoping. Close enough to kill them, but far enough to cause them pain. Their blood was gushing out of them, and Marinette could tell that they would die. She grabbed the butterfly miraculous and the peacock miraculous. She brought Adrien downstairs to lie next to his family. Marinette then went back into the shadows with Red Hood following her right as Emilie arrived.  

Marinette watched as Emilie looked at her dead family and started sobbing. Emilie then took notice of the note next to them.

It read:

THEY TOOK A LIFE, AND NOW I DESERVE TO TAKE THEIR LIFE FROM THEM IN TURN. EMILIE, YOU ARE SPARED BECAUSE YOU TOOK NO PART IN ANYTHING.

~DARK ANGEL

Marinette watched Emilie drop down to her knees and continue wailing while crushing the note in her hand. Marinette watched closely, and she wondered if her parents did the same or if they replaced her like everyone else. She shook the thought off and then went to another house, the house of Liar Rossi.

Marinette her house, and went around it trying to find the liar. She found Lila in her room, practicing her crying. Marinette smirked to herself. She always knew that Lila had to practice crying with how many crocodile tears she let loose every day. She snuck up behind Lila and whispered, “I’ll give you a real reason to cry.”

Lila stopped her tears and turned around, scared out of her mind. “Who are you?”

Marinette snickered, “I’m Dark Angel, or more specifically, you’re worst nightmare.”

Lila started crying again, except this time, her tears weren’t as fake as her life. “PLEASE DON’T HURT ME, I’LL DO ANYTHING! I HAVE A LOT OF INFORMATION ABOUT THIS COUNTRY’S GOVERNMENT!”

Marinette took a knife out and ran it across Lila’s skin, causing a scream out of her, “Here’s the thing, Ms. Rossi. You are extremely selfish. You were willing to sell out your country just like that. Plus, I know you’re lying. It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. So, here’s the deal, the more you lie, the more I torture you.”

Lila spent the next thirty minutes telling lies. When Marinette knew she would be confessing, she gave Lila’s phone to Red Hood so that he could film her confession. Lila then broke, “OKAY OKAY, I AM SO SORRY!!! I DON’T KNOW ANY OF THE CELEBRITIES I CLAIM I DO. I DON’T HAVE TINNITUS EITHER! MARINETTE DUPAIN-CHENG WASN’T BULLYING ME, I BULLIED HER. I THREATENED HER IN THE FIRST PLACE WHEN SHE FOUND OUT MY LIES AND THREATENED TO TAKE AWAY ALL HER FRIENDS. I SUCCEEDED. I WAS ALSO WORKING WITH HAWKMOTH AND HELPED MAKE ADRIEN WHO WAS CHAT NOIR BETRAY LADYBUG!!! NOW PLEASE DON’T KILL ME!!!”

Marinette sneered and said, “Don’t worry, I won’t kill you.” Lila looked at her in hope until she stabbed Lila in the stomach, saying, “Oops, I lied.”

As Lila died, Marinette went to Red Hood and took the phone from his editing the video before sending it to all of Lila’s contacts. When she sent it to Alya, she asked her to post the video on the Lady blog before watching it. She then looked over at Red Hood, who was looking at her in shock. “Don’t worry, pretty boy. I’m not assassinating anyone else. Just torturing them.”

She then went to each of her classmates’ houses and tortured them, depending on how loyal they were to Lila. The person who Marinette tortured the least was Juleka, and the person that she tortured the most was Alya. Once Marinette had finished torturing all of her ex-classmates, she looked over to Red Hood and said, “Okay, I’m ready to go now.”

Red Hood looked at her, confused, “If you were going to go with me either way, why did you run?”

She shrugged, “Your clan had found me out. I wanted people dead. Plus, I was emotional as hell after your whole speech. I also still need to check up on Damian.”

(3rd Person POV)

Red Hood nodded and beckoned for her to open a portal. Marinette did so, and they both dropped through, ending up in the Bat cave. Their sudden appearance surprised all of the current occupants of the cave. Marinette walked up to Damian and asked him, “Are you okay?”

Damian replied, “Tt, ” and then nodded in affirmation.

Before Marinette could say anything else, Batman told her, “I now want you to explain to us who you are, why you’re here. Got it!” He then gave her the Bat glare in case she wouldn’t listen to him.

Marinette nodded and then spoke, “Hi, my assassin name is Dark Angel. My birth name is Marinette Dupain-Cheng.” A flash of recognition flashed through everyone’s faces. Unbeknownst to Marinette, Hawkmoth had been broadcasting the final battle. Everyone had seen when Hawkmoth had revealed her identity and when she had died. “I was a superhero in Paris. My partner and I were in the final battle when I found out that he had betrayed me and Hawkmoth’s side and was playing me this whole time. The villains won, and they made a wish to revive a dead person. In return, someone else had to die. In this case, it was me. The next thing I know, my whole body feels like it’s burning, and I’m inside of a pit full of green goop. Mistress Talia promised me revenge for the people that had hurt me. I excepted her offer. Since then, I’ve been an assassin for four months now, training every single day for hours. Talia told me to watch your family for a little bit as a mission, which was what I was doing until Damian got shot. You know the rest.”

Red Robin looked at her skeptically, “Where did you and Red Hood go when we tried to find you.”

Marinette looked at Red Hood before carefully answering, “I had some business in Paris, so to speak.”

Nightwing then asked, “And what was this "business” and how the hell did you get to Paris?“

Marinette sighed, rubbing her forehead to ease the throbbing, "You’re not going to let this go, are you?” When she saw everyone shake their head, she answered, “Fine. I was able to get to Paris because I have a miraculous that can open portals.” She showed them the miraculous and then demonstrated it to them. “Once I got to Paris, I committed my revenge. I killed my old partner, Hawkmoth, and Mayura. I also killed a liar who took away everything from me and was also working with Hawkmoth. I also exposed the liar. Finally, I tortured all of my old friends. Yay, I told you everything. Can I go now?”

Everyone looked at her, horrified that she was talking so casually as if she hadn’t just admitted to murderer and torture. Before anyone could say anything, Red Hood shouted, “No!” While taking off his helmet.

Marinette looked at him in irritation, “No? And why fucking not?”

Jason looked over at her, “Because I’m not letting Talia use you anymore.”

Marinette sighed, knowing he was right. Now that she had gotten her revenge, her mind was a lot more clear, and she realized why Talia wanted her to be an assassin in the first place. “Fine, so I’m staying here?” Everyone nodded, still in a daze from everything they just learned.

Marinette shook her head, and Alfred (THE AMAZING GOD THAT HE IS) came into the Bat Cave when Marinette was going to ask someone to lead her upstairs. As Marinette walked upstairs, she hoped that things would work out for her.

(one month time skip)

Marinette had been staying with the Bat Fam or rather Waynes for a month now. She honest to kwami had no idea how they were still alive. The number of times they pulled a weapon on each other was frightening, to be honest. As she got to know each of them, they felt more like her brothers and father, except for one person, Jason damn Todd. She really liked him. He was so gentle with her, and at first, she didn’t understand why. But one day, Jason told her his backstory. To her surprise, it was similar to hers. Once she figured that out, they connected on a whole other level. In fact, they had both sworn that they would try not to kill again. And naturally, the one guy who will probably ever understand her, she had to have a crush on.

Another problem was Talia Al-Ghul. She still hadn’t come to find Marinette. So she was either planning something big. OR SHE WAS DEAD! What, a girl could dream. Marinette then heard a crash downstairs. She ran downstairs and what she saw had her reeling. Talia was in the middle of the living room, playing with her dagger. Once she saw Marinette, she smirked, “Marinette, you’re here. We can go back to the league now.”

Marinette shook her head, “I like living here, and I don’t want to leave.”

The smile that was on Talia’s face disappeared, “Even if you do like it here, you still have to get revenge on the people that wronged you.”

Marinette clicked her tongue, “That’s the thing, I already did revenge on them. I killed the main ones and tortured the rest.”

Talia yelled in defeat, “Well, if you won’t come back, then you’ll just die!” (I know I made Talia super sweet at the start of the story. But let’s face it. She’s a manipulator and a bitch) She then charged Marinette with her dagger in hand. But before she could reach Marinette, she was dead on the floor with multiple bullet holes going through her.

Marinette, with a gun in her hand, sank to her knees sobbing. The Wayne family, having heard the gunshots, hurried to the first floor. There they found a sobbing Marinette and a dead Talia. Jason hurried to Marinette and pulled her into his arms. “Hey, Pixie, what’s wrong?” Marinette shook her head, still sobbing. The rest of the family, seeing that Marinette wasn’t calming down, decided to give some words of support before taking Talia out of the room and cleaning the blood.

Jason picked up Marinette, who was clinging to his leather jacket and took her upstairs to his room. He whispered soothing words in her ear the whole way. Once they arrived, he put her down on the bed and cuddled her, “Marinette, Pixie, Baby, I need you to tell me what’s wrong so I can help you.”

Marinette’s sobbing started dying down. Eventually, it was only an occasional tear with some hiccups and sniffs. “I made a promise that I wouldn’t kill anymore. I broke that promise. Deep down, I really am a murderer.” She started sobbing again.

Jason sighed and crooned to her, “Oh, baby. Do you really think that? I used to murderer people all the time. Does that still make me a murderer? No! It doesn’t make you a murderer either.”

He then started kissing her cheek, her eyelids, her button-nose, her forehead, her head, her jaw. He trailed kisses down her neck while speaking, “I- love-you-so-much. And nothing-is ever-going- to change-that. You- are not- a- murderer.” He then planted a fervent kiss on her lips, which she deepened.

They continued kissing until Marinette broke away to say, “I love you too. You helped me so much when I was broken.”

Jason looked at her in the eyes with a raw intensity, “Then if you love me, never blame yourself for what happened to you.”

She smiled softly, “I promise”, before kissing him once more, with a deep passion.

He pulled away this time and told her, “You have a chance to have a second chance at life. Not many people get that. Use that second chance to fulfill everything you ever wanted. Leave the past behind. Be who you really are. Who you were before everything. But move into the future, with me by your side.”

“A second chance,” Marinette whispered, “A second chance.” Before kissing him once more. She was going to be okay. They had each other, and they were going to get through everything together. Together no matter what, they were going to give themselves a second chance, and they were going to spend every second of it together.