#because if we did pokemon personality and typing i think these would change significantly

[cosmikazie]

THING #1: The Casting/Character Design

they could not have picked a greater cast i think. first of all the guy who plays luffy is such a natural actor and he brings a unique spin to the role, really properly portraying a teenager who has kept the same aspiration they held since childhood and doing everything he can to follow that dream through to the end. the way he does it is really inspiring, and as someone who dreams of doing everything my child self couldn't, i felt that.

zoro is really good too, kind of a silent, brooding type character just like in the original. the guy who plays him really helps ground his character more in the story, and he's part of the reason that everything actually feels natural in the world around them, regardless of how goofy the reality of the situations they're in actually are.

nami's character has been significantly changed, and honestly i think it's for the better. her character in both the anime and the manga really felt like a reskinned version of misty from the pokemon anime (listen i know pokemon came out later. it's just the closest comparison i could think of) and she was like the slapstick comedy character in that. in the live action though, you can actually tell she's carrying some massive weight. she's more apathetic, sullen, and anti-social, and it makes it so that the whole arlong twist makes thematic sense. out of everyone in the straw hats, i think she was the most compelling one.

i fucking love usopp. first of all, the casting was great and i actually love that they made sure they cast him as his canon ethnicity. i dont think it's that well represented in the anime or manga, and it's honestly a shame. they also incorporated his fibbing nature super well, and you can tell that he lies for a reason. the lack of self-confidence he feels that fuels the lies he tells actually shines through, and the actor that plays him did SO FUCKING WELL with portraying that and that made me really happy. i actually felt sorry for usopp, and when he did something that actually changed his facade of self-confidence into true courage and bravery, i found myself raising my hands up in the air in happiness.

sanji's also much more lowkey in this, and i appreciate it. forgive me for saying this, but they actually gave him genuine... "rizz". in the anime he's super over-the-top flirty and romantic and it usually hits at the wrong times which just makes him come across as a weird creep, and i dont think that was the intention of the mangaka. it especially weirded me out because eventually we end up with like 3 or 4 different characters who make it their goal to be all ooOOoooOOOOoo must catcall women, so seeing a version of sanji where he isnt like that made me happy and gave me faith in the show.

i love the casting outside of the straw hat crew too, as well as their designs. people seem to be weird about shanks, but i personally love his casting because OF COURSE he would look like that. he's a hardened pirate of the seas, he's dueled with a FUCKING WARLORD, he's got SCARS ON HIS FACE, HE! WOULD! HAVE! STUBBLE! then there's also alvida, and her appearance gives me faith that if we get a season two she's not gonna be slimmed down for whatever reason like she was in the manga/anime. i'm fat and i love seeing other fat characters in shows that dont have their weight turned into a joke. the other red-hair pirates are also utterly eye candy for no reason other than they look almost exactly like their counterparts. and then there's koby.

i finished watching the one piece live action last night and honestly i gotta say. GOOD SHIT. going into it i had really low expectations and at first i gave it credit just for clearing the low bars that the absolute worst of the worst had set, but it actually turned out to be super enjoyable.

but it makes me both kinda sad and kinda mad to see people bashing it for the story changes and differences present in it, when, as a writer and someone who tends to analyze stories a lot when watching shows and stuff, it’s clear that a lot of stuff just would NOT have worked with the medium had they done the alternative

so i think im gonna write for a bit praising all the stuff they did well with the changes to the original story, or just stuff im really happy they included with the faithfulness to the original story

ONE PIECE LIVE ACTION SPOILERS! OBVIOUSLY!!!

[aparticularbandit]

okay but hdm/pokemon crossover where:

stelmaria is a liepard

the golden monkey is a monferno (possibly a shiny but color's off)

pan is a ditto until he settles as a shiny linoone

kirjava is a shiny umbreon (possibly an espeon but that has more to do with headcanoning espeon pelt as being more subtle in variations than an umbreon's)

asta is either a flareon or one of the litten evolutions (the latter fits better but if we're going malcom/will parallels, another eeveelution is better)

ben is an arcanine or growlithe but often took the form of a snubbull before settling

iorek and the bears are beartics equipped with metal coats (or a variant steel evolution requiring them)

hester is a bunnelby

asriel looks like chairman rose

will looks like hop but has a completely different personality

lyra is your player character so she looks however you want her to look

[inikavulpixelreviews]

Let’s Talk About Pokemon - The Bug Type

Oh boy, it is indeed TIME for the finale of all these type reviews. Covering my absolute favorite type of them all: Bug!

I had always had a loving fascination with insects and arthropods since I was a young child. I'd not be shy to let them crawl on me so long as they weren't outright menacing like a particularly dangerous spider or some variety of ant with some mean chompers. I was THAT KID that caught caterpillars, fed them until they became butterflies, and then let them go. The kid that tried (and sadly failed) to keep an ant farm. I only kill bugs in my house that are being particularly invasive (and even then I always feel awful doing it); the rest I just escort outside. I don't care what any “whoa kill it with FIRE!!!!” kinda commenter says, spiders are pretty much welcome to stay in my room.

How sad is it that as I see it, one of the perks of having an outdoors day-job is I regularly get to make friends with insects?

Point is, bugs are good. They're good for the environment, and important to Pokemon's history itself. The man credited with creating Pokemon, Satoshi Tajiri, cited the major inspiration for Pokemon being his childhood memories of collecting bugs. OF COURSE bug would get its own dedicated element in this sort of RPG! As well as being one of the more populated types in the series.

It's just sad that it's not exactly THE most meta type out there. It's weak to a lot of types that are bad to be weak to like Fire, Rock, and Flying, but don't have much in the way of resistances or type advantages. The one real perk they have resistance-wise is blocking Fighting. They're at least good against some types that are handy to have a counter to. Either way, I pretty much CAN'T go a whole playthrough without picking up a bug buddy. It's impossible.

It also comes to light to me that, when you look over the whole roster of buggies like this, it turns out not one Bug is really designed to be “gross” or unappealing outright. I mean, I guess shed cicada skin can be uncomfortably crusty to the touch, but other than that, hmm. Nah, the closest we get is “arthropod menace” and that's about it. How do was have a COCKROACH Pokemon in the series at this point and the type is more or less squeaky clean as ever?! I guess I kinda do appreciate that Gamefreak rather legitimately celebrates insects as some really neat and fascinating creatures. Bugs aren't gross, they're cool! Bugs aren't nasty, they're neat! It's heartwarming to know a series as big as Pokemon sees insects and arthropods in more or less the same light as I do. Heck, I'm sure you could credit the series to warming up PLENTY of other people to be less squeamish toward bugs. Or at the very least think twice before they go squashing one that's minding its own business.

...That said, I wouldn't say no to them making more gross-looking bugs.

Top 10 Favorite Bug Types:

HNNNGH. This is too difficult. I can't. I gotta highlight more.

The Other Top Favorites:

There. My heart is a little more at peace now.

The Bottom 10 Least Favorite Bug Types:

Okay Fine

The 10 Bug Types I Wish Were A Little Bit Better:

Because the only Bugs in the whole type that just outright aren't my jam are Volbeat and Illumise, and that's it. The rest have just a little tidbit or two that I'd change or do a slight redesigning outright to get em to be up to par with other Bugs. Additional mention to Mega Heracross just because I'd almost rather Mega Heracross was its own, unique Pokemon instead of an alternate form of Heracross.

The Cutest:

Gen 5 is so good with adorable Bugs oh my goodness.

The Coolest:

The Prettiest:

The Spookiest:

...See what I mean? There is a CRIMINAL lack of spooky bugs in the Bug type!

Weirdest/Most Unique:

Shuckle is still a mystery.

Most Inventive Use of the Type:

How many times have I gushed about Shedinja's design throughout this whole review series? It's hard to make “the fact that it's a Bug” a real inventive thing by itself since it's a rather matter-of fact state of being for monsters like this. But these bunch in particular REALLY take advantage of their bughood and really show the designers at Gamefreak did their homework or just in general had some really neat ideas. Araquanid being a reverse of a real-life diving bell spider, a mosquito that sucks blood to increase its FLEXING capabilities, a cockroach that is a self-grooming neat freak just like real cockroaches are. Escavalier and Accelgor lumped together because of their specific interaction reflecting a real-life interaction between a beetle and its snail prey; albeit the ending is a little bit happier for this snail than in real life. Kricketune is a sadly unsung little stroke of minor genius in how a violin beetle gets to actually BE a violinist that plays its own violin body. Kricketune's just overshadowed by its own memey cry, sadly.

The Buggiest of them All:

I'm always perfectly fine with stylized body types when it comes to bugs, but I can also take a moment to appreciate the Bug types that are convincingly insectoid. Plus y’know. It helps when the odd bug type has the correct number of legs.

BUG TYPE WISH LIST:

NOTE: These Type Wishlists were written out before any news on new Pokemon from Sword and Shield. The Pokemon revealed over time will not affect these wishlists. Just to present them unaltered despite spoilers and in the interest of getting the wishlist out there, and to see which items on said wishlists get fulfilled by Sword and Shield!

[Inhale]

A Grasshopper/Cricket:

Despite their english names, Kricketot and Kricketune aren't actually crickets, but are actually moreso designed after beetles. So we've still yet to have any true orthoptera species of insect in Pokemon yet!! And that is a CRIME because Grasshoppers and Crickets are criminally underrated just because they're fairly common insects. God I could comprise of list of just some neat orthoptera I like. You could even kill two birds with one stone here by having an inter-species evolutionary line where a cricket evolves into a grasshopper!

Termites:

I'm still bummed Durant's evolutionary path is painfully underwhelming compared to actual ants. Where's like, the Queens?! And big-headed Majors?!? Either an expansion of Durant's current forms or a new set of Termite-mons would be really nice!

A Fly:

How weird is it that we've still yet to get a common house fly?! We technically have Cutiefly, but I'd love to see a more traditional-looking house fly. Or any other number of fly species if you're feeling adventurous!

A More Traditional Mosquito:

Buzzwole is absolute gold and I don't at all mind it, but I'm still feeling a bit of an itch (hah) for a more traditional looking mosquito. My first shot at making a mosquito monster in the form of my own Fakemon was incorporating the aquatic larval form as a scuba-diver that eventually evolves into a water-drinking and squirting big mosquito. MAINLY because I didn't think Gamefreak would ever even slightly elude to blood if they ever made a mosquitomon, yet here we are.

A Wheel Bug/Assassin Bug in general:

I just point out Wheel Bugs because they're easily my favorite kind of assassin bug, distinguished by the big gear-shaped hump on their back. But I'd love any assassin bug, really. Just look at their goofy faces.

A Giraffe Weevil:

I'm sure tons of people have seen pictures of this thing around the internet. And if you still haven't there it is. You will lay your eyes on this stupid thing and you will immediately understand why we needed a Giraffe Weevil Pokemon like, four generations ago.

A Bombardier Beetle:

While it may not look like much of the surface, this beetle is packing a venomous spray that it ejects from its abdomen to ward off predators! We could always use more Bug/Fire types, so why not pick this thing up and a flame-spewing or actual-bomb-chucking beetle!

A Dragonhead Caterpillar:

There is an irritating lack of insectoid dragons in the Pokedex that are actually classified as insects. You passed up DRAGONflies multiple times, guys! So fine, I guess I gotta pull out a more obscure wish; one of these bad boys! The Dragonhead Caterpillar is easily one of the sickest looking caterpillars out there, and totally befitting a Bug/Dragon type as is! The one sad thing about this is, like the antlions, it's another case where something's larval stage is a lot more neat looking than its adult form; for A Dragonhead Caterpillar would eventually become one of these:

...Yeah, while the Plain Nawab is pretty, its significantly less impressive looking than its caterpillar form, huh? Still no reason you couldn't just elect to give us a draconian butterfly while you're also at it! I guess I wouldn't be TOO upset even if an official Pokemon version of this bug wound up with a more fun base stage than its final stage.

Any Wooly Caterpillar:

I don't care which one you pick, a big ol fuzzy caterpillar is something CRIMINALLY missing from Pokemon at the moment!!

A Devil's Flower Mantis:

Mantids are some of the micro-world's coolest monsters. It's a shame then that the three mantid monsters in Pokemon so far are 1. A lizard with some mantis parts on, 2. More of a lobster, and 3. Not actually a mantis. And that sadly the latter means orchid mantids are out. While I'd be overjoyed to see any new mantis Pokemon, I think a Devil's Flower Mantis would be my personal go-to for a new mantis. It's just so god dang WICKED looking!

This Mind-Controlled Snail:

Because this thing has to be demonstrated in gif form to really portray the oddity of what's going on here. Although, the description is on the gross side, so here's a fair warning to skip past if you're squeamish.

This particular species of parasitic flatworm preys on snails. When they're eaten up by these unsuspecting mollusks, they'll soon find themselves getting their brain taken over by the pulsating worms that wriggle inside the snail's now-bloated eyestalks precisely to make the snail more enticing to birds to eat. Not only that, but the parasite also hijacks the snail's brain. Snails normally prefer damp and dark areas where they're relatively well-hidden away from any predators. These parasites force the snail into bright and wide-open areas like the tops of bushes specifically to make it as easy a meal as possible. They multiply in the bird's stomach before beginning the cycle anew when the bird, ahem, “drops” them off.

Obviously there's a lot of parallels to draw here from this and Parasect. But heck to it if I'd say no to a new, freaky mind-controlled hypno-snail. It'd be such a cool effect on an ingame model to see their eyes pulsating in color. You could even go ahead and make it a candidate for our first Bug/Psychic type!

A Stick Bug:

It's not super pressing that one gets in. I just think stick bugs are neat.

A Black Widow:

I know we got Ariados, but something feels missing from the spider roster in that we don't have a traditional creepy crawly-type spider. A Black Widow is about the most stereotypically creepy spider out there, but I'd love to see it for its potential either way.

A Peacock Spider:

One more spider while we're on the subject of spiders. And offset a spooky spider with a cute one! There's all sorts of fun takes to have on a peacock spiders.

A Pelican Spider:

No hold up. Wait a second. One more spider because I had literally discovered this thing as I was writing this very list. Look at this thing. Look at this spider. What the hell. What the actual hell. What is happening. What. I want one now.

APPARENTLY this Pelican Spider is a species of spider that specifically evolved to eat other spiders. Its weirdly long “neck” and extended mandibles are designed to keep its prey at a long length away from itself so they the spiders it catches can't retaliate with their own bites. That's so neat. I could see how you can intemperate that into a gameplay sense; make it specialize in biting moves and have an ability that makes all biting moves no longer make contact. Maybe that's not HUGE but.

A Dobsonfly:

Again, no pressing reason I can think of other than dobsonfly are underrated, and getting a nice Pokemon to go with em would be cool.

Gah, there's probably a good billion or so I could continue to think up but I SUPPOSE it's gotta stop at some point.

“How on Earth did we wind up with some internet person talking about insects for about half an hour's worth of reading?”

ANYWAY, that's the final of the type reviews. Sword and Shield are just two weeks away, believe it or not. It’ll be a while before I’m back into the funk of making reviews. As I’ve said before, I’d like to take a month or two to really absorb all the new Pokemon they have on offer. For a brief little preview-opinion, the new Pokemon are overall pretty dang good so far. There’s already a couple I’ll be excited to talk about, but if preview event-goers are to be believed, there's’ apparently a TON of new Pokemon to look forward to.

ANYWAY Future-talk:

I dunno if I’ll do something in the meantime review-wise. I would go back to look at the recently discovered Beta Pokemon from Red and Green and Gold and Silver, but I feel like I’ve not got a ton to add to that conversation in particular. (Literally the only hot take I can really come up with is the Baby Vulpix is kinda lame)

I MIGHT look into doing character design reviews for some non-Pokemon properties. I felt like it was eventually gonna happen at some point, I’m just not sure about it happening YET given SwSh are so close and once I’m ready for those reviews I’d have to put the non-Pokemon project on hold. Tell me what sorta series y’all would like to hear my thoughts on for character design. My personal biggest candidates are looking at the creatures from the Pikmin series, the various boss characters from all the various Mega Man games, and looking over the Champions from League of Legends, as well as reviewing the monster cards of Yu-Gi-Oh.

Mega Man would probably be the easiest. Robot Masters don’t exactly require deep analysis to critique their designs. (Though that wouldn’t stop me from getting rambly.) It wouldn’t be until the X, Zero, ZX, and Battle Network/Starforce series that the designs get crazy detailed.

YGO and Pikmin would be easy too, the only issue would be figuring out a format for what order to do them in.

League would easily be the hardest to do. Cause being the completionist that I am, I would want to cover EVERYTHING. Old versions of the characters, NEW versions, as well as every single skin. The problem is figuring out an order to put it all in. The easiest would just to do iit in alphabetical order and cover the skins of each champ as we come across them. But I’d ideally like to do everything in chronological order. Start with the first 40 champions and then pan out to cover each one in order of release, skins included. It’s just really difficult to find a consistent timeline on League content, especially for skins. I dunno. That’d be something I’d have to look into.

Either way, no matter what I end up going with, I’ll see you next time!

[Archive]

[heyhowyadoingpally]

it’s been forever since i’ve done one of these, huh?

i figured i’d bring this little series back from the dead (pun intended) for october, but i’m not gonna be looking at one pokemon at a time - i’m gonna do mass reviews.

that’s right, i’m going to do a bunch of super quick, rapid-fire reviews of pokemon. more specifically, different pokemon types. even more specifically, three pokemon types.

i’m gonna review all - yes, all, including half-types and secondaries - the posion, dark, and ghost types, in that order. i would have thrown in one more, like bug or psychic, but i think i have enough as it is to last until halloween. although, if there’s a good enough response and, for whatever reason, a demand for either of those two types, i might do one more.

just to clarify, if a pokemon is two of the types i’ll be reviewing, i’ll be placing them in the review of their first type. i.e. if there’s a ghost/dark type, i’ll be putting it in the ghost type review.

yes, these are going to be LONG fucking posts. so sue me.

with that out of the way, let’s begin.

Spooky Halloween Special Part 1: Pure Poison

#023 - Ekans

there really isn’t much for me to say about ekans. he’s really a product of the first-gen’s shtick, which was having the first chunk of the pokemon be more like mundane wildlife than anything else. and that’s something i’m more than okay with; you need mundane wildlife to balance out shit like fire-breathing anteaters and living, floating magnets.

that being said, i adore ekans’s design. there may be a good amount of pokemon out there that are based on real-world animals, but not many of them heavily resemble the animal they’re based on.

ekan’s look is so subtle yet it just works, from the reptilian eyes to the ring around his neck(?), and even the rattle at the end of his tail. hell, i never even noticed the thin lines going all the way down its body until now! maybe they could be segments that somehow help is slither around easier? who knows!

RATING:

i love ekans, but it’s not something that i would absolutely go crazy for. i gave it the extra half-point because, again, it’s one of the cooler “realistic” pokemon, imo.

#024 - Arbok

in the simplest of words, arbok is just plain awesome.

making ekan’s next stage be a cobra just seems fitting: a pokemon as “average” as ekans definitely would evlove into something weirder than a typical snake, but not too weird. cobras are pretty weird, but not too weird. it goes hand in hand.

it’s a little sad that arbok doesn’t retain some of the subtle qualities its predecessor had, like the eyes or the big ring, but it makes up for it with the kickass hood. i’m sure like everyone knows this, but in the first few games the little design on arbok’s hood differed slightly, because they’re arboks from other regions.

RATING:

again, i love its look, but it’s not an absolute favorite.

#029 + #032 - Nidoran

i vaguely remember how awesome i thought the idea of this one pokemon with genders was. of course, now pretty much every pokemon has some minor detail that differentiates their sex.

i love their cute little faces!!! they’re like adorable little rabbit-things with poisonous barbs!

oh, yeah! they’re poison types! so poison is incorporated into their design, right?

...kiiinda?

the pokedex states that nidorans have poisonous barbs sticking out of their backs, but they don’t really look like barbs. they seem more like really dull dorsal fins or something. like, if your tried to hug one of them the most pain you’d get is an uncomfortable poke more than anything.

RATING:

a neat concept for a pokemon, but the execution of the “poison” aspect didn’t really shine through.

#030 + #033 - Nidorina and Nidorino

these two changed, and for the fucking better.

i love the idea that when certain pokemon evolve, it’s really just them maturing, and the nidos did a fantastic job with their second evo. they look a lot more dangerous, but still not quite “barb-y”. i do love how the nidorino seems to naturally crawl on all fours while nidorina stand on her hind legs. it’s those subtle little things that i like.

RATING:

tbh i really don’t have much to say about these guys that i already said about their first forms. they’re more-or-less improved versions of both nidorans.

before we continue and before you say anything, yes, i’m one of those types of people who have a hard time hating any pokemon. the worst you’ll hear from me is that i’m not a fan of certain ones, but they’re nice efforts nonetheless. plus, i have a strong affinity towards the types of pokemon we’ll be looking at, anyway, so this is more of an excuse for me to gush about cute monsters.

#088 - Grimer

GOD where do i fucking begin???

this was the starting point for when pure poison (not quite yet for the half or secondary type!) pokemon really started to take advantage of the concept of...well, posion.

basically, from here on out, i’m going to be gushing a lot about the pure poison pokemon.

if you’ve been following/have known me long enough, you’ll know that i fucking adore any sort of outlandish, blobby monster. sure, most of those kinds of monsters out there are just the same thing over and over, but for some reason i never get enough of them. hell, my favorite animal is basically just a blob with a vague body shape!

everything about grimer is just so pleasing to me: the dopey expression, the little glob of goop dripping from its lip, the nubby hands...it’s even purple, my favorite color!

not to mention the fact that grimer is literally living sludge, one of my all-time favorite concepts for a monster. probably bc i associate any kind of goop monster with swamps, and you all know how much i fucking love those. i think we need more sludge/toxic monsters in our lives. i know i do.

RATING:

let’s face it: you all saw that coming.

#089 - Muk

you know, i didn’t think there was any way that you could improve a living pile of toxic waste, but game freak proved me wrong.

muk took everything i love about grimer and somehow made it significantly better. it genuinely feels like a grimer that grew larger and nastier through years of absorbing more waste and refuse. the strand of slime connecting the “lips” is a really neat touch!

 the more serious expression on its face makes me think that it hates its own existence, like it somehow just knows that it should not be alive. it’s a sad idea, and surprisingly not the darkest ideas that the pokemon franchise has ever delved into. but we’ll probably get more into that with later entries in this series.

RATING:

grimer and muk were, for the longest time, my favorite pokemon, period. that was, of course, until a certain gen 5 creature was introduced and immediately stole my heart. but, again, that’s one of those things we’ll get to soon.

#109 - Koffing

if i had never gotten into pokemon, or even monsters in general and you tried to describe certain creatures to me, i’d think these were some of the dumbest, most batshit ideas ever put on paper. koffing sounds like a weird or dumb idea, but the way a floating orb that spews toxic gasses is presented here is so fucking original.

i’ve always found it fascinating that we associate the color purple with anything poisonous. i suppose it stems (no pun intended) back from certain toxic plants having purple coloration? idk, i’m not an expert on these things.

as a little kid, i loved koffing, which i guess goes to show that i haven’t changed since then lmao. but what’s not to like about it? that’s a face that you can never say no to. koffing wants some cash so it can go out with its friends? go ahead! it wants to have pizza for dinner tonight instead of a casserole? sure thing!!! it wants to start an underground meth lab to rake in the dough to support its family? right on!!!

i especially adore the little skull-and-crossbones on its belly(?). it’s a really neat, subtle touch that didn’t even need to be on there but works so well. i especially love that it’s not just a standard jolly roger kind of crossbones that you’ll often find on monster/creatures that’re poisonous; it’s just the vague shape that makes it really feel like an animal might be able to evolve such a strange pattern on its body, which fits the semi-grounded-in-reality feel gen 1 was trying to go for.

fun fact: some real-life animals, especially insects and arachnids, have skull-shaped patterns on their backs!

RATING:

a perfect example of a pokemon that exemplifies its type.

#110 - Weezing

weezing is either a really ingenious - yet dark - metaphor, or just a really, really cool concept. or both.

i’m probably not the first person to think of this outlandish idea, but i think weezing might be some sort of weird, “hidden message” behind koffing and, more specifically, weezing.

lets take a look at this round, adorable, little cutie: 

it’s associated with toxicity and poison

it produces a gas that’s unpleasant to inhale

it has a second “head” growing on its side (with a cute little “starting crossbone”!)

both faces look quite glum

now, what in real life relates to to these aspects? what thing or things in real life are associated with being harmful or toxic; produce a gas or gaslike substance that, when inhaled, is unpleasant; can cause those exposed to it to develop large, potentially lethal lumps inside their body; and makes people quite glum?

hmmm....i just can’t think of any real-world items that could cause such dangerous, life-altering side-effects.

jokes aside, i’m more than certain i could just be pulling this connection with tobacco out of my ass. it sounds more like one of those edgy creepypastas from back in the day than anything else.

RATING:

this is the closest i think we’ll ever get to a pokemon with a fucking tumor, and whether or not it was intentional weezing’s design reminds me of real-world issues.

(m)

(f)

#316 - Gulpin

after koffing and weezing, pure poison type pokemon were few and far between. it’s a shame, since a lot of the pokemon that are solely poison are just so damn cool, even when they don’t quite show off the “poison” aspects you’d come to expect.

at the same time, i’m glad we currently only have a few amount of pure poison types out there; it makes them feel more special, like a nice treat you’d get every-so-often.

the first pure poison pokemon (how’s that for alliteration!) to appear since gen 1 was gen 3. there was an entire generation that skipped out on having really cute babies. those were surely dark time. at least they up for that with an abundance of other cute pokemon.

that being said, the first pure poison we get after a long, dark and empty era is an absolute cutie! again, i’m a sucker for round, blobby creatures. they always just look so soft and huggable! i think if i lived in the pokemon world, gulpin would definitely be one of those critters i’d snuggle up with.

you know, i really don’t know much about gulpin other than its adorable appearance. i’d really like to find out why its a pure poison! maybe i should see what the pokedex entries from the games have to say about this little cutiepie:

o h .

RATING:

gulpin’s a really neat concept, but the idea of something small and cute that also has an insatiable appetite isn’t something entirely original, and nor is it the first time a character in nintendo followed that same idea.

(m)

(f)

#317 - Swalot

listen: i LOVE swalot. but it’s the kind of love where if i sort of bring that up in a conversation people immediately assume i love swalot because of the same reason that a good two handfuls of people do.

i’m sure you can guess why some people love swalot more than others based on both its name and its rather...erm....interesting eating habit:

i told you that pokemon can get pretty morbid.

i’m really not the sort of person who "points out” something made for kids but with some sort of “underlying fetish material”, but swalot here is one of those few things that make me raise an eyebrow just a little.

but, uh, let’s look at this big cutie in a different, more wholesome light, huh?

designwise, swalot looks fantastic. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i love evolutions that look like a genuine life cycle. i can see gulpin being this sort of nymph that grows over time into this huge, squishy, toxic thing with an insatiable appetite. it almost sounds like the premise of a 1950s b-movie.

even though it’s not a major change, i love the coloring. again, it gives me the impression that young gulpin’s flesh darkens with maturity into a swalot. it’s great.

a detail that i never noticed until getting the pictures for this review is that if you look verrrrry closely, both gulpin and swalot have a faint pattern all over their bodies. it reminds me of how light looks reflecting in the ocean, all broken up like that.

RATING:

potential vorebait aside, i really love swalot’s design, even moreso than gulpit.

#336 - Seviper

there aren’t as many real snake pokemon as i’d like to think, but the ones we do get are pretty rad.

while ekans and arbok have great designs and are always gonna be near and dear to my heart, they never quite felt pokemon-y to me. yes, they were in the first gen and are revered as classics, they seem just too normal to me, you know? like they were literally just purple snakes.

i’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but when you compare them to the outlandish creatures from later generations, they aren’t all that unique. i still love them to death, of course.

seviper, to me at least, looks like what you would mentally picture if someone told you that there was a snake pokemon: it retains the basic idea of a serpent, but takes some creative liberties.

idk why but i really love the eyes it has. they sort of compliment its almost-smile, like its just about to pull a harmless prank on someone and is anticipating the gag. what a smug bastard.

according to the every pokedex, seviper’s best quality is that the entire species has had an ancient rivalry zangoose, another pokemon, for years. from what i can tell, zangoose is supposed to be based off the real-life mongoose, so what we have here is the age-old battle between snakes and mongooses (mongeese?) in the pokemon universe. that’s pretty awesome. i wish they could find more ways to tie in real wildlife habits and instincts like that.

RATING:

overall a good bean with a good design.

#568 - Trubbish

ohhhhh man. ohhhhh boy oh man. we’re at my favorite evolutionary line ever. i’ll try to keep this as contained and condensed as possible.

i’m not sure what it is exactly about garbage monsters, but i adore them a lot. maybe it’s because you can get really creative with how you design the? idk.

i’m surprised it took until gen 5 to get a real trash pokemon. grimer and muk may have been associated with filth, but trubbish and garbodor are the living embodiment of garbage. like, you look at them, and you know exactly what their shtick is. 

i’ve seen a few garbage bag monster before, but trubbish is probably the absolute cutest one i’ve ever seen! look at those big, curious eyes!!!! look at that cute overbite!!!!! look at the little feet made from the bottom corners of the bag!!! it’s such a cute little baby!!!!

unfortunately, not a lot of people share that opinion. and that’s okay. because you’re allowed to have your own fucking opinions on the internet. there’s some pokemon a lot a ppl like that i’m not too crazy for, so sue me. i’ve got my little compost child and that’s okay.

RATING:

is this cheating? i don’t think it’s cheating.

#569 - Garbodor

here it is! the best fucking pokemon to have ever existed!

you might be thinking i saved garbodor till the end on purpose, but i’ve just been reviewing these by the order they appear on the pokedex. besides, there’s just one more after this, so you don’t have to suffer much longer.

GOD i love garbodor so much. everything about it is so creative and fun and cute. i’m so glad it kept the face from when it was just a trubbish. what a cutie!!!!

i love how the garbage bag is sorta draped over its body, like the bag somehow filled up with so much trash that it burst open. i also really love how both of its arms are doing their own different things. it really gives the idea that garbodor wasn’t trying form a perfect body, just a body that works. but the greatest part of this huge baby bean are those cute little pigtails!!! god bless it for looking so cute!!!!!!!

i wanna hug garbodor so badly!!! even if it smells like garbage!!!!

RATING:

i love that funky little compost

#803 - Poipole (aka UB Adhesive)

i haven’t played ultra sun or moon, so the new pokemon in that game are still...well...new to me.

one of the new ultra beasts introduced in the games, poipole has already stolen my heart and i don’t even know it that well. it’s got all of my favorite color combinations rolled into one - blues and purples and pinks!

being an ultra beast, poipole hails from ultra space, and, apparently, from a city in ultra space called ultra megalopolis. jeez, game freak sure loves using the word “ultra”.

i really can’t say much since, again, i’ve never played either of the ultra games, but i like what i do see.

i would have wrapped up this review here, but looking at the pokedex entries for it turned out to be a fucking road trip:

poipole goes from adorably-loved to a fucking sociopath.

alright, i like this cutie even more.

RATING:

for some reason, i still get surprised whenever a new pokemon game has creative and original monster. you’d think they would have blown their wad in the first few gens, but so far they haven’t done so.

that wraps up the first part of this little “review series” next time we’ll be looking at both half-poison AND secondary poison, all in the same post. how terrifying.

...i’m sincerely sorry if you had to read through all of this

PREVIOUS POKEFART: Weedle Line

NEXT POKEFART: (it’s not out yet you dip)

[println-archive]

warning for tumblr user epiphanct

disclaimer: most of what happened between us was on now deleted quotev/quizazz accounts and my old blog that i deactivated after getting stalked by someone irl. all the screenshots i can give are from our email conversations, but i can get some testimonies from people who knew her about how she treated me in public and what i told them at the time it all went down. 

(@stillwritinghaikus & @sadcryptid knew me and eli most of the time, but @gafou was there towards the end and can say what they were like the few times we all hung out also only contact these ppl off anon, they don’t all want to be involved too publicly but agreed to be included as character witnesses to who eli is-- there are other people but i don’t have ways to contact a lot of them because we fell out of touch over the years)

anyone who has followed me for long or knows me knows i still deal with panic attacks, issues in relationships, issues with self worth, and nightmares because of a bad ex-girlfriend.

me and eli (i think that’s what they’re going by now and i believe they use they/she pronouns now) were best friends and on-again off-again since 2013 up until some time in 2017. consistently from 2014 until 2016 (i tried to detach from them in late 2016 so we talked significantly less and i would ignore them when they got angry or anything), they emotionally abused me. 

tw for incest, daddy kink, and emotional abuse under the cut-- don’t harass her about the things regarding incest or daddy kink because most of that is from when they were 13-15, i’m only including it because its a testament to what type of person they are and something that is available in our email chains to prove. i was complicit in a lot of the incest rp/kink but at no point was i legit into it, i just never called them out on it and i went with it

we met when they were 12 almost 13 and i was 13 (i think) on our first accounts on quizazz (now quotev), a quiz and story-making website, because they spoiled fred dying for me in a post about harry potter. 

from then we started talking and eventually became best friends. things were mostly normal and healthy overall for the first year until i got into my first relationship w/ someone. they started to get possessive of my time and over me but i thought it was normal and it pretty much was especially when i found out why-- they confessed to having a crush on me. i got permission from my S.O. at the time to be poly and date both of them but eventually i dumped my S.O. for eli alone. it was around when we became exclusive (when they were 13 and i was 14) that things went from normal messy teenager dating to controlling my entire life

they would get angry when i went to sleep, saying that i had to stay up for them or giving me the silent treatment the next morning if i went to sleep when they didn’t want me to. they didn’t limit asking me to stay up to when they were unstable either, most of the time their reason was that they wanted to rp. they would snap and withhold affection from me if i went to sleep on accident or my mom took my laptop away so i would go to sleep. at some point it reached the point that i was missing days of classes in a row because i was sleep deprived and throwing up in the mornings from stress and lack of sleep. i told them this and they still didn’t stop.

they would also control what i posted on my blog or what i had my layout look like on quotev, because if they didn’t like what it was they would claim we had nothing in common and should break up or they should unfollow me or they should block me. most notably, when i made a sideblog for taylor swift posts at some point i started spending most of my time on that blog because taylor swift was a hyperfocus at the time. i switched that blog to my mainly active one and made it a multifandom with a focus on taylor swift, and they got mad at me for posting so much taylor swift. to placate her, i changed it so i only posted taylor swift in my queue and then, finally, i just ran a multifandom blog and avoided reblogging anything about taylor swift more than two or three times a week. i need to emphasize here: i never tried to make eli talk to me about taylor swift after they made it clear they didn’t like them, i didn’t talk to them about it and i didn’t require that they interact with my posts or anything. they just didn’t want me to post about my interest. this also happened with pokemon and homestuck, but to a lesser extent-- the fight was over once i changed my layout from having art for them, i was still allowed to post some.

we broke up sometime in late 2014 for good, but they still made all of my decisions. they were possessive and called me theirs, they didn’t like it when i liked girls who weren’t them, and only let me show affection for them. i was allowed on relationship other than eli, and only because they approved of her and set me up with her. in the end, we broke up because, with eli’s manipulation and forced dependence on them, i was still in love with them. then, within the month of breaking up with this girl, eli switched the script completely and would randomly go through bouts of anger where they would give me the silent treatment and vague about me for still having feelings for them.

they also made it very clear that they got to pick who i could and could not be friends with. most notably with my then best friend dani (@sadcryptid, dont message them publicly abt this). when they found out i was talking to dani in any capacity-- whether i mentioned her or posted something about her-- they would give me the silent treatment or yell at me about it extensively. this went on for YEARS (two? i think) until i ended up dropping dani for entirely unrelated reasons (we’re cool now). when, briefly after, i made friends with a girl who went by luna (who sexually harassed me so eli ended up being right but they didn’t know about that at the time), they lost their shit guilt tripping me into dropping luna too because they wanted to be my only close friend. another time my friend irl confessed to having a crush on me and eli made me talk to her less and said i was theirs

they also briefly shipped reylo and wincest, i have no idea if they still do but i know they did as long as i knew them, and shipped nico from percy jackson (a canon gay character) with their girl oc. (they had a whole breakdown when nico was confirmed gay, saying it ruined the books for them)

they also would give me the silent treatment whenever something good happened in my life-- when i got tickets for the nebraska comic con, or got to see taylor swift, they would give me the silent treatment or yell at me

they had an incest kink to the point of making up ocs to be their twin and older sister, only agreeing to human aus for michael/lucifer from spn if they were related in them (until they changed their mind to getting angry at me for suggesting them), and had a literal daddy kink-- not just into calling their partner daddy but to the point where they would propose rps where their self insert was the literal child of michael and they would have sex. 

they also liked professor/student plots, especially in harry potter with professor snape and their self inserts.

so here are the screenshots now, for your ref in the screenshots, they’ve gone by “mya”, “lottie/charlotte”, “wren”, and “matt”. they also have an oc other than the fake siblings that come up a few times named “juliet” and one named “holly” and one named “casey”. i know that the screenshots don’t have proof of everything i’ve outlined, like i said above most of it happened on accounts that have since been deleted or deactivated so i only have what i could find in my gmail.

i’ll add more screenshots as i find them

[grimchances]

(ryver-styx-gym) ⚜🐋

⚜- What is the most precious thing you own?

I’m not really sure about the most precious thing I own. I actually lost all of my sentimental items in a flood about a year ago now, so there’s not really much that I have a lot of deep attachment to. 

I suppose my whole life is on both my computers and I wouldn’t have great quality of life without them or my drawing tablet. Funny thing, I used the insurance money from the flood to buy my drawing tablet, so I guess that counts as my most precious item now. Ha!

Also really really really attached to my copy of Pokemon X that was the game that got me back into Pokemon and I have never reset it or deleted that same file.

🐋- share a Weird/funny story?

Okay so I love telling this story and I feel it’s relevant to this blog, so here goes. One of my faves. 

Lemme tell you why I always carry a deck of cards with me. 

Under a cut because it’s a lil wordy, but it’s a great story, I promise it’s worth your time!

About two and a half years ago, I went to this performing arts camp in the area that’s fairly well known. Lemme just say? I had a total blast going and even though I was significantly older than everyone else there, nobody seemed to mind. Kickass time. 10/10 I’d do it again any day. 

WELL Each week of camp was a new program and we’d practice and work on it between fun acting, dancing, and singing exercises and that. GREAT TIME. Well at the beginning of each week, they’d separate us by age group and pull each age group aside to have us do a little mini “audition” type deal in front of our peers as a way for the camp directors to decide what parts we would be suited for and all that. It was called singing circle. 

When you were called on by the counselor at the front of the room, you would stand up, tell everyone your name and grade (for me it was my age because I was 21 at the time) and they would ask if you played any instruments. WELL what they would ask is “do you play anything?” and being the smartass that I am, I figured I’d list a game. Well, I really like playing cards and I figured I’d say a card game, but I was in a school and I was surrounded by like 14-17 year olds and didn’t wanted to keep things fairly PG.

So, I replied “No instruments, but I play a mean game of go fish” and everyone would laugh. It was fun! I also love being funny and making jokes so the good response it got was priceless to me. 

Well then I got to thinking… I have a lot of cards cuz I love card games and with there being so many people there, it might be fun to bring cards so we could play. So I brought a deck of cards with me and asked everybody to play. 

WELL, all the older kids wanted to play blackjack and wanted to like… bet their lunch snacks and all that and AS MUCH FUN as that would have been, we were in a school and I was being watched very closely by higher-ups because of who my family are and because I was the oldest person there (I was older than most of the counselors, too. They were all like 19ish) so I decided NOT to start a small gambling ring in the gym of the local highschool and told them all no. They lost interest. If we weren’t playing poker or blackjack, they weren’t interested. Fine. 

So I ended up playing it with the littler kids there. 

Now something of note about me? I’m actually LITERALLY notorious for being unlucky. RNG and circumstance HATES me and I can literally count the number of games I’ve ever won on one hand. That’s how bad I am. My family joke that I’m cursed. I’ve lost chutes and ladders to an 8 year old where I never got past the first square. I’ve had shiny Pokemon escape from a critical capture and self destruct on the first turn. I’ve never won a bet and I’ve never won a game of cards.

It may be because I was playing against 9 year olds, but I swear to you I won every game I played. IT WAS MAGNIFICENT.

These little children were like “WOW you really DO play a mean game of go fish” and I just grinned and winked like “you see what I mean? I told ya.”

BUT THAT’S NOT WHERE THE STORY ENDS. Oh no.

See, I also have an instance of the only game we played that WASN’T go fish that caused me to swear out loud in front of a bunch of small children.

There was… this little tiny child. I mean the smallest human being I’ve probably ever seen, she was barely to my waist and I’m extremely short. She was the sweetest little thing and she comes up to me and is shy, trying to get my attention amidst this sea of these younger kids. It was kind of cute, they all thought I was really cool and would follow me around and imitate me, it honestly brought me LIFE. ANYWAY, she barely is able to get my attention and she asks me

“Can we play crazy eights?”

and I’m sitting there thinking HELL YEAH we can play crazy eights I love that game! So, for those who aren’t aware, the goal of the game is lay down cards that match the suit of the face up card, or if they’re the same value you can lay them down to change the suit and so on. 8’s are wild cards that can change the suit to anything.

The other lil kids didn’t know how to play it so we played a round or two with an open hand to show everyone how it was done and then started the first game. Well at this point we were probably about halfway into week 2 of the camp and I’d become somewhat well known for carrying around cards and for playing card games to the point people called me “cards” as a nickname and things like that. There were also like 9 magicians there who would come find me so they could do card tricks for people. It was great. tbh, I’d go find them and pull the deck out of my pocket (or sometimes my sleeve if I was being a shit) and would ask them to do tricks, it was amazing.

ANYWAY, so by this point, people know we play games in the morning and come to watch us play or to join in. I’m playing crazy eights with like twelve to fifteen-ish young children with even more watching. There were probably about 30 or so people involved. Counselor included.

We’re playing and I’m absolutely destroying everyone at it again and THIS game is totally based on the luck of the draw, so it was totally up to chance that I was winning. I had ONE card left and the deck was the right suit, I was about to win and that little tiny girl. The little itty bitty mouse of a girl is right beside me. Her turn comes directly before mine. She also has one card. I didn’t know this. She lays it down, and it’s an 8. She wins.

and at that moment in front of 30 small children I shouted “GODDAMNIT”

I swear to you the sharp intake of breath was powerful enough to create a vacuum inside that school gymnasium. The doors indented a little bit just from the sheer power of the inhalation as the realization hit this sea of tiny children that this good noodle role model they’d been following around for over a week just said a bad word.

…and what was my first reaction to swearing in front of all those children?

I cupped my hands to my mouth and said “Ah shit” without even thinking about it.

The counselor that had been listening in on us from his seat on the bleachers nearby was LOSING IT. He was trying SO HARD not to laugh and I just, am the center of focus and all the children have gone silent. They’re staring at me like I just murdered someone and I have to think of a quick recovery. WELL

I just looked at them calmly, but on a smile and said “I’m what you’d call a bad influence, kids. Don’t do what I do” and then just kept going.

Needless to say, we didn’t play any more crazy eights, but I did still win literally every single game of go fish without fail. People stopped wanting to play it with me because I literally won in a single turn once. That had NEVER happened to me before and I swear to you it hasn’t happened again since, but it’s honestly one of my favorite stories.

[kyogre-blue]

Pokemon - drabble

Summary: May didn’t set out to catch legendary Pokemon... at first. But after a while, it seemed like fate. (ORAS-based, humor)

Notes: Just something stupid. Mostly based on ORAS, but with some elements from Emerald.

————

#2 Kyogre

May didn’t set out to catch legendary Pokemon. And, really, did Latias even count? The Eon Pokemon had practically caught herself, without even a battle. And it was all basically Steven’s fault anyway, since he was the one the Eon twins had been looking for in the first place.

Sadly, she couldn’t blame Steven for Kyogre. That was all on her.

~.~.~

To begin with, she was the one who took the Red Orb and ran off into the Cave of Origin.

It was, in retrospect, a patently stupid move. Her father had been entirely right to look like he wanted a stiff drink when he heard about it afterwards.

But as May stood there, in the middle of Sootopolis, torrential rain pounding down and almost drowning out the argument between Steven, Wallace and Archie, she couldn’t help but feel responsible. She was the one who had failed to stop Team Aqua at Mt. Pyre, at Slateport, at Lilycove... but more importantly, she had completely failed to tell anyone about what was happening until it was too late.

The police were always pretty slow to respond and not really equipped to handle battles on the level of the Aqua admins, but she could have gone to Rustboro and asked President Stone to contact Steven. She could have even gone to her father. If there had been someone helping her storm the hideout at Lilycove or even at Mt. Pyre, they might have made it in time to stop Team Aqua’s plans.

But instead May had treated it all like a big adventure and chased Team Aqua on her own. And look where that landed them — the entire region about to end up underwater.

“I’m the Champion, it’s my responsibility!” Steven was saying again, barely audible over the rain.

Wallace waved it aside sharply. “Even so, it’s a bad matchup for you. What if it dives? Would you even be able to fight it underwater? I should go. Protecting the ancient traditions is the responsibility of the people of Sootopolis.”

“If it’s anyone’s responsibility, it’s mine!” Archie shot back. “I’m the one who made this mess, I’m gonna be the one to fix it!”

“Given your track record, you would only worsen the situation,” Maxie sneered. But at least he didn’t put himself up too.

The argument had been going around in circles for a while now. In the end, the Red Orb would only protect one person and their team, so only one of them could go. None were willing to concede and wait helplessly outside.

Well, May could understand that. It didn’t feel right to wait and do nothing. That’s not what May was like — and that was why she had been the one to get the Red Orb in the first place. If anyone should go... Gripping it a little harder in her hand, she looked down into the orb’s depths.

And came to a stupid, impulsive decision.

One sneaking step back, another — just like sneaking up on a patch of shaking grass. Through the pouring rain, the men still arguing in front of her didn’t even notice. A few more steps, and she could barely make out their silhouettes. They didn’t seem to have noticed either...

So May booked it. Spinning around, she dashed headlong toward the entrance to the Cave of Origins

“—ay!”

She thought she heard someone calling her name, but it didn’t matter. The doors were right ahead. May didn’t slow to push the doors open — launching into the air, she crashed into them with double flying kick, throwing them open with a bang.

Stumbling a little on the landing, she felt her breath catch for a moment before it suddenly cleared away. It must have been the intense natural energy they’d been talking about — and the Red Orb protecting her from it, May realized, already running again.

It was a straight path ahead toward a roughly hewn stairway down. Putting on an extra burst of speed, May hurried onward.

~.~.~

“—May! May, wait!” Steven shouted, chasing after her.

She either ignored him or didn’t hear. Unfortunately, she’d gotten too much of a head start — he couldn’t catch her before she got to the cave entrance, and inside...

Steven hadn’t expected the effect to be that immediate. The air inside the cave was visibly shimmering with natural energy, thick enough that he could feel it against his skin and when he breathed in. And breathing was suddenly becoming very difficult, the air too heavy. His head swam, and he stumbled.

Someone grabbed his arm and dragged him back, just back past the doors to the Cave of Origin, into the rain but also clear air.

“Do you really have rocks for brains?” Wallace scolded, dropping to one knee next to Steven and breathing hard. “Weren’t you listening? You can’t go in without the Red Orb to protect you!”

Still trying to catch his breath, Steven shook his head.

“I know,” Wallace agreed, his tone softening. “But there’s nothing we can do now.”

Archie and Maxie had approached, joining them as they looked past the doors into the cave, into the shimmering veils of energy that faded into darkness. “All we can do is leave it up to that scamp...” Archie said quietly.

They were silent for a moment.

Wrinkling his nose irritably, Maxie blinked like a Hoothoot in daytime and finally pulled off his waterlogged glasses. The square of cloth he pulled out of his pocket was equally soaked, but he went through the motions of wiping the lenses anyway. “According to my calculations, Kyogre has not regained its true power,” he said blandly. “Not even a fraction, really. Even that child should be fine.” He paused and added, “Unless the standards of the gyms in Hoenn have dropped significantly.”

Understandably, he received three dark looks — not that he could see them.

~.~.~

May suddenly felt like she wanted to punch a nerd.

Maybe that swayed her judgement. Because that was when she did the next stupid thing.

She had been feeling increasingly aware of her own recklessness, between the increasingly frequent tremors, the rain that began to fall despite the lack of sky, the unsettling noise from her PokeNav that gave way to nothing but static... and the shining burst of power that changed Kyogre into Primal Kyogre, as if its initial forme was somehow not intimidating enough.

But somehow... Primal Kyogre was not quite as overwhelming as May had expected. It was powerful, far more powerful than any single Pokemon she had ever faced. But not “created the seas” powerful.

It had clearly not been able to entirely shake off her Castform’s Thunders, retaliating violently and furiously until it managed to slip past Latias’s screening guard to knock out the tiny Weather Pokemon. And her Mega Blaziken’s Stone Edge had thrown it clear out of the water — just as May had intended, of course, but still.

“Latias! Distract it and Mist Ball again!” May ordered. “Chic, finish this with High Jump Kick!”

So what if she was using two Pokemon against one? This was the fate of the region at stake.

Screeching, Kyogre reacted to the first threat. The shining water beams of its signature move shot toward Latias, making her swerve and roll to avoid getting hit as she fired off her attack. They also intercepted the Mist Ball, setting off a small blast of air and water.

But that just meant Mega Blaziken’s approach was hidden until she suddenly burst through the haze, burning leg extended. The force of the High Jump Kick tore through Kyogre’s weakened Aqua Ring and plowed into its pale underbelly, crashing Kyogre into the rock.

Soaked and tired but still ready to fight, Chic jumped back quickly and raised one leg in preparation to attack again. But, peeling slowly out of the crater it had been driven into and flopping onto the cavern floor, Kyogre only made a weak screech of protest and halfheartedly waved its tail.

It’s in the red, May’s trainer instincts said.

And that’s where it went wrong again. Because she was supposed to — well, actually, May wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do with Kyogre. She hadn’t really thought past “battle it.” Were they going to knock it out and pray it was in a better, non-cataclysmic mood when it woke up? Tow it to the Seafloor Cavern before it woke up and wall it back in?

Kyogre make another, slightly firmer noise, dragging the beginnings of a new Aqua Ring around itself with a wave of its tail.

It was trying to heal itself, just when she’d gotten it weak enough! (For what...?)

May reacted without thinking. At all.

“Ah,” she let out intelligently, watching the Poke Ball she had just thrown hit Kyogre right on the nose with perfect accuracy. “Aaaaah! Why did I do that?!”

Given the looks Latias and Mega Blaziken shot her over their shoulders, they were wondering the exact same thing. Neither felt anything approaching enthusiasm about being on a team with an ill-tempered incarnation of perpetual rainstorms.

The Poke Ball rocked once, twice, three times, and clicked.

Well.

May shot it a dirty look, but she had no one to blame but herself.

~.~.~

“I can’t believe this,” May muttered under her breath as she strode up to the doors of the Sootopolis City gym. “I saved your entire stupid town from flooding — the entire region! You could just give me the stupid badge. If I can take on a super ancient Pokemon, obviously I can take a gym leader, right...?”

The nerve of that under-dressed smirking loser Wallace. True, he’d been ready and willing to go fight Kyogre himself, so maybe he didn’t think of it as much of a benchmark, but just doing the deed had to count for something, right? Like a medal — or a badge.

But no, off to the gym she went. A water type gym, no less. She’d handled the water-iest water type of all! It was on her belt at that very moment! This was just...

Suddenly, May had an idea. A terrible, stupid idea.

She still had that Thunder TM, after all.

~.~.~

A raindrop landed on Wallace’s nose, then another — then an entire downpour. He sighed, flicking his soaked fringe out of his face and squinted up at the clouds that had formed just below the ceiling of his gym.

Such was the downside of running a water type gym. Well, it wasn’t like a Rain Dance or two would...

Wait. ‘None of my girls can make a Rain Dance this strong or widespread,’ Wallace thought. It had to be the challenger, then. The challenger... ‘She wouldn’t.’

Except that she very much would.

“Either you Body Slam that Luvdisc, or I’ll body slam you!” May raged, at the lowest level of the gym. Digging in her heels, she pulled with all her might, and next to her, her Blaziken did the same — both of them holding tightly to half of Kyogre’s tail fins.

Kyogre make a low sound of disinterest and, gathering water around itself, sent a wave crashing over May and Chic. Sputtering, the two let go of their hold, and Kyogre took the chance to plunge as deep as the gym’s pool would allow... which was unfortunately not very deep. The modern age definitely did not agree with it. Was a nice long nap — maybe a century or two — too much to ask for?

“Get back up here!” May yelled, shaking her waterlogged hair out of her face.

Kyogre pretended not to notice.

The poor terrified Luvdisc tried to use Rain Dance — or perhaps, more accurately, tried to appease the displeased Pokemon god it found itself faced with. But there was no relief from the heavy rain.

Groaning, Wallace palmed his face. He should have just given her the badge, he realized.

~.~.~

[artsyramblingroses]

Ultra Moon Thoughts!!! (Part 1)

Since I did the same for Pokemon Moon, I thought I’d do the same for Ultra Moon! And I’m right on time since the game came to me a day after the main release! Spoilers and bad language ahead. And because this game has so many changes and I have so many thoughts, I’m gonna split this into two posts.

So everything seems the same so far! Well, except for my trainer, and the two incredibly pale people chasing down Lillie- wait

Honestly, I like my character outfit and room in this version. I’d really want those curtains and the Jigglypuff rug as a kid.

Holy shit, everything looks so much more alive with all the pokemon around.

 Aww, the starters defended me, I love them. I don’t care if its bad gameplay, I need to keep my Rowlet tiny. Welcome to the team, Lief Erikson! Now if only I could take you out of your ball so you could follow me.

Damn, the Spearows are attacking us this time? What did Nebby ever do to them? A lot has changed so far, the player character is more expressive, we fought a Spearow, also Tapu Koko just 1 hit KO’ed those other Spearows.

Ok, I don’t like the new people, Especially the dude. Fuck him, you’re probably jealous that you can’t join in the festival because everyone would laugh at your stupid mustache.

Now I’m worried what Lusamine is gonna be like, I really don’t wanna watch her be a bitch to her kids twice in a row.

First trial was a breeze, Leif Ericson can really handle things. I kinda wanna save for a Mimikyu again and a Vulpix, but the rest I want to be Ultra Beasts

And Oh god, they’ve noticed me for real. Phyco and Soliera. This is as awkward as getting pulled by a vendor to a random booth you don’t wanna see and being unable to decline out of politeness.

So far, a couple things have changed, but I worry about how similar the plot will be, at least, I think that Aether Paradise’s second visit will be the big plot shifting event.

NOOO. I COULDN’T STOP LEIF ERICSON FROM EVOLVING. MY BABY.

Ok, real talk, the Janitor in the mall is my least favorite NPC ever and why does he have to bring in the real fear that you smell like shit out in public and you’re unable to go and shower.

I really hope I don’t meet the Janitor again. 

Ok, so I spent a lot of time away from my computer while playing, but this game has some charming ass moments in it that are well hidden, I was spoiled on two, but because I battled some woman’s dad, she and her boyfriend got a marriage license, which I’m sure they could have done without me, but well done! You two go and be married!

I’ve spent a chunk of time combing Melemele and Akala islands for sidequests and secret stuff. Time well spent.

I found A FEMALE EEVEEE FIRST TRY. And now I have a Sylveon, named Fleur. She, Leif Ericson and I will go far.

SO, with a LOT of persistence and grinding, mostly grinding, I beat Kiawe’s trial. Its mostly my fault since i have a stricter idea of the Pokemon Team I want, give or take a few mons, but with the help of the Radicate I got from getting the totem stickers, I did well. Also I fought like, two female Sandalits. I am surprised with how well my luck is at finding rare female Pokemon.

I just realized that since I got Ultra Moon, I can’t get the Alolan Vulpix. TT_TT Maybe I can trade for one in game?

Why the hell does a Pyukumuku’s innards look like a hand?! I am briefly put off from getting one... But I eventually didn’t keep the one I got because it does not have a great skill set.

So I need to seriously re-evaluate what types of mons I want on my team.

Lusamine encounter finally came. She felt a smidge more sane. but I really wanna see more of how she is compared to her anime version. She needs a little work, but she’s trying to be a better mom far more than Moon. And she does something there that hopefully this incarnation will do, protect and care for her kids. Granted the plot was shifted to make Faba the villain (which may be the case here too, judging from Rotom and the promotional posters. They do NOT want me to like him.)

Also, having Rotom occasionally pitch in with questions and conversation about the plot is nice. He feels more alive.

I ended up getting a Carbink. As I doubt I’ll play X or Y any time soon, (interest died), I decided that it was ok if I used Kalos mons on my team. 

 I like Sophocles new trial, not that the old one was bad, I kind of liked how it felt like a horror game with this monster creeping towards you in the darkness. I wonder… What will Acerola’s trial be like now?

Ok, the last part of the puzzle was not clear enough and I spent way more time on it than I should have.

I noticed in Guzma’s theme, I could hear a brief leitmotif of the Aether Paradise theme, very nice musical foreshadowing, especially if you didn’t already know the twist.

Now, Where are Phyco and Soleria?  It’s been forever since I’ve seen them.

Is there anything we can do about the Stuffel in the guest room? I’d gladly adopt it if it meant only one Ultra Beast on my team. 

Oh Jeez, knowing that Lillie’s gonna get kidnapped and not being able to stop it is horrid. 

WHAT. WHY WAS A GHOST PRETENDING TO BE ACEROLA. DID THAT HAPPEN IN THE PREVIOUS GAME? WHY DID THE MIMIKYU SPEAK

Ok, but this goddamn Mimikyu fight gave me much more trouble than I thought. But i eventually beat it (after three tries) and got to use a Z move TWICE to take it and Banette out because Rotom is awesome and so is Leif Ericson. AND THE FIRST MON THAT I CAME ACROSS WHEN I WENT BACK IN WAS A MIMIKYU! Welcome to the team, Paletta! 

And now I have 4 Pokemon on my team! Because back when it was just Fleur and Leif Ericsson, things were significantly more difficult.

Ugh, do I really have to go to Po Town again? I’m getting really tired of not seeing new stuff. Being in Ultra Space better take up the other half of the game.

I’m starting to get the feeling that I’m going to be disappointed. Or I’m just annoyed because so far, aside from Phyco and Soliera, not enough UB related stuff has happened to sate my appetite. I bought this game because Ultra Space is a cool concept in general, and I’d hate the thought of having to wait until close to the end of the main game before I get a chance to explore this fantastical place, because it would feel like I just replayed Moon with a few changes. I paid for a different game, an epic looking game.

Uh… Who is the kimono dude. Was he here before?

Why is Faba in the Red field, also woah dude, just insult me to my face why don’t you? Children may not be as knowledgable as adults are about fucking alternate dimensions, but they have good hearing. And also children are smart, you’re the worst type of person, Faba.

So far Po Town is the same as I remember, and it could be my imagination, but it feels like the lights came back after I first used the Pokecenter.

Ok, Guzma makes me sad, beneath his threats lies a lot of what he must have endured, dude is messed up, but with a father like the one he had, I can’t really blame him.

Ok, this trip was entirely worth it for the little scene that played when I sat in Guzma’s chair. Also I’m stealing a Buginum Z.

Damn it Nanu, Let me heal my team before you try to battle me. They already took quite a beating from Gladion.

Time to put the Roto Prize Money to good use… Damn, I couldn’t get Faba with the Roto Prize Money

Also why does this weird fuck have a Hypno?

Ah, Wicke, always a lovely ray of sunshine. She’s literally a saint.

$44,496 from Faba and his goon. Lovely. Can’t wait to see what I can scam off of Lusamine. >:D

GLADION MY SON, WHAT DO YOU MEAN “ALONE AND LONELY”. I’M ADOPTING YOU AND LILLIE SO FAST AFTER THIS.

Soliera, please understand, I must see my daughter be safe, that’s way more important than battling your Poison beast for the 15th time.

What…. Lusamine thanked Lillie for keeping Cosmog safe? I mean, she was still nasty but...

Uh, even if she’s pissed at her kids… I guess its good she wants to protect them from Necrozma even though she’s still disowned them? What? What is she doing?

Woah… this is, different. She’s better than her Moon counterpart, but still has a way to go to get to anime mom levels. I mean, anime mom has her parenting issues but its clear that she’s the most sane and healthy of the three.

Dang, now I feel less evilly happy using the Roto Prize Money, I’m… conflicted, I mean, she doesn’t want to outright kill her kids this time, which is a step up.

I mean, she still is emotionally abusive, but she cared enough about Lillie’s concerns to battle me, granted that was to keep her quiet and she’s still gonna try and kill Nebby which is pretty damn bad…

$67000 something in prize money, it feels…. wrong

Oh my god, Gladion doesn’t want to lose his other parent to the Wormhole. SHIT, these two. I want to find them a nice dark room that they can just lay in for a while and not have to deal with the world.

 Wait, what about the scene where Lusamine is with Guzma telling the kids to run? Will we come back here for a third time?

*Dang Phyco, that’s not the sort of question I’d expect you to ask about Lusamine.

Well, The Second Aether visit was a game changer, not in the way I expected, but hey, any change is a good one. And who knows, there’s still stuff that’s missing, so I guess I just have to keep playing to find it. I’m honestly pumped to finish the story mode now!

[dreams-and-sandcastles]

we spent the night talking.

i hadn’t seen him in over a week. I had, however, just texted him recently, saying that I’d like to get coffee in order to gain some understanding about the sudden switch he had from “I’m definitely free tomorrow to drink, smoke, and do whatever you want”, to “I honestly don’t think this is going to work”. 

He didn’t understand why I wanted to talk. He spent the pregame before this talking to my grandlittle, trying to understand why. Apparently she was screaming at him. This part is hearsay. He genuinely thought I just wanted casual whereas Tanairy was trying to explain to him that I didn’t know what I wanted and she had pushed me into saying that. I don’t know if that’s true. 

But I was sober, this night. Yes, I drank a little beer and yes, I smoked a bit but I was as sober as I’ve been in months when going out. And after an awkward run at pregames and bars, I went to the Diwali after party and suddenly, I didn’t feel like I didn’t belong there. There was another guy, yeah, but mostly it was my people. The ones that I have known since freshman year, the same people that I used to feel unconditional support from - and I finally felt that again. Part of it was that I was finally feeling again. Part of it was I was sober. Part of it...was I was happy. I haven’t been happy in years. I was dancing while sober and I felt like I belonged. 

And when I went upstairs to cool off, there he was. I felt wild for a second. I felt the need to instantly go drink until I didn’t have to think anymore - but I didn’t. I was stronger than that now and I knew it. So I went back downstairs and danced some more and he was there too. The strangest part was him and the other guy embracing, laughing with each other and all I could keep thinking, was what have I gotten myself into. 

And when he disappeared, I looked for him. I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to...I kept thinking about all the things that my friends had said when he called it off the first time. I kept thinking about the fact that he’s late to everything, that he spends so much of his time high instead of doing work. I kept thinking about how both of us were type-B  personalities and I kept thinking about how I had been happy for the last couple days and that had nothing at all to do with him. But I couldn’t stop looking.

I wanted to go outside, to breathe, to clear my head, to open my eyes. And there he was, with Tej. I’m not sure if I wanted to but it was easy, to talk to the two of them. Despite everything, despite Dan and Kelsie, Tej and I have still managed to be close and he was exactly the bridge that I needed to talk to him. The three of us talked about my 21st birthday and I felt him there, smirking, because he knew that the story didn’t quite go the way I told Tej it did. And I watched him cut in, mention inside jokes that I hadn’t thought about for the last two weeks. And after we finished the story, Tej went inside, and it was just the two of us. He asked me what I had wanted to talk about and I asked him if he really wanted to do this now, at the party. He told me he was leaving on Sunday morning so he couldn’t get coffee during the week like I had initially suggested. I agreed to talk then, but god, it is hard for me to get real. It’s hard for me to confront these things and I think he knew that. If he didn’t then, he definitely does now. 

So we got told to go inside and we made small talk for a little as I tried to avoid the conversation we had to have. I got uncomfortable trying to have that conversation in front of everyone and I suggested we go upstairs. I stand by that decision because things got real, but it was still very strange that people I knew were watching me go upstairs with a different guy than I had been with before. People were watching. 

We got upstairs, to the third floor and we went into Sudi’s room and I made sure to give him a wide berth while we sat together. He asked me why I wanted to talk about and I told him that I wanted to understand what had happened. He told me that Tanairy said he sounded like a dick when he told the truth and I told him to tell me anyway. At some point we got kicked out of the room so others could smoke and we ended up standing across from each other on the staircase and we finally started to talk. I explained that I liked things the way that they were - we could keep things on the DL but things we good. And he told me about how suddenly it had seemed like everyone knew, like it had gone from our secret to our friends’ gossip. He told me about how he didn’t actually fall asleep, at the first party we flirted at, but was actually just outside because he didn’t want things to get complicated. I’m still not sure if he meant complicated with respect to me, or with someone else. I have to ask him about that. 

In between every serious conversation, we had other conversations. Pokemon Go, things that had happened over the last week. It felt natural, He also brought up that he had been struggling with this all week too, that he had been thinking about it as well, which I was actually surprised by. He also told me that he had been talking to Katie about it, which made a lot of sense because our cordial acquaintanceship had taken on a new facet lately. At some point we got back into Sudi’s room and tried to smoke a bowl but couldn’t figure out how to pull. I talked about how we couldn’t really distance ourselves from people knowing because we ran in the exact same groups. Especially with my housemates, there was almost no way we could do anything without them knowing about it. We joked about him breaking into my house instead, in order to keep things secret. I think around there, the conversation turned from the my trying to understand why things ended, into can we potentially find a way to make this work. 

Once we got kicked out of the room again, we went back to the hallway and this time we sat. At first with me two steps beneath him and then with me two steps ahead of him. We talked about fusion, because both of us blacked out and that was the last time we had seen each other. He actually caught that I wasn’t drinking or smoking and I mentioned that I couldn’t let myself get out of control and he asked me what had happened and I tried to change the subject. We talked about how today, he had been drinking tequila since 11AM today. I was suddenly concerned that he had no idea what we were talking about but he said he was fine. We joked about the fact that he had two knives on him, about the fact that he tended to punch things when he was blacked out. Instead of being scared by those things, I was fascinated. We joked that I could take him with my samurai swords and he made fun of me because as much as we joked about my fighting a bear, he knew the true story. 

At some point, he was telling me about how no one had been helpful when talking to them about our situation. I asked him if it ever occurred to him that he should have just talked to me - and he pointed out that despite everything, we didn’t really know each other. I agreed with him, but I also felt the need to point out that I’d rather he didn’t make decisions about me, without me. 

At this point, I was suddenly worried he was going to fall asleep or fall down the stairs and I suggested that I’d take him home. He repeated that he was fine and he didn’t want to go home so I asked if he wanted to go for a walk instead. When we got outside, the conversation changed again. Both of us were suddenly asking the other, what are we going to do about our situation. Between the type of us, hardcore Type B personalities, we kept trying to push it on the other, all while talking about our childhoods and the LeLaf banners. We ran into one of his good friends while walking down the street, despite the fact that it was 3 in the morning already. The pizza place we wanted to go to was closed but since we was hungry, we started walking to P1. I ended up running into an old sorority sister and I was reminded again that it’s not just that he and I run in the same circles, but that after being in a relationship for so long, people were surprised to see me with new guys. 

So he got snacks and kept asking if I wanted any and I told him that if I ate I wouldn’t stop and he told me that was ridiculous but didn’t push me. We left P1 and finally started to walk to my house, even though his was significantly closer. I liked that he wanted to walk me home. It meant we got more time together and we hadn’t finished our conversation yet. So as we walked home, we actually started getting into what we were going to do moving forward. 

I offered him three ideas that I saw as feasible given what I had heard: we could cut off connections, we could just be friends, or we could try to keep things secret. He instantly crossed out the first one, saying that we had already proved we could be friends and we ran into too many of the same circles to be anything less than friends. I then asked him what about the other stuff and he asked me what I wanted and I told him that despite being 21, I was still essentially a horny teenager. We didn’t come to any decisions there, but we did reach my house and started joking about him punching a pumpkin. We agreed that I would go to his work to visit him the next day, and we agreed that we’d pick up the conversation again when he was sober. We hugged and he left, and I told him he had to text me when he got back. He did.

The next day, I saw him in passing at tailgates and I hung back while he said Hi to me. I thought that would be easiest, keeping my housemates from finding out that anything at all happened, even if that anything was just us talking until 4 in the morning. I went to visit him at work later, and of course, one of our mutual friends was also working there. I ordered a chai and sat and the counter and we chatted a little but I felt a little awkward and I didn’t want to draw attention to us. So he started texting me from behind the counter, asking if I wanted a baked good. He called me “Par-io” for it and all I could think was that, listening to indie music and drinking my chai, people watching and feeling his gaze on me, I was content. We agreed again that we’d see each other after break, and talked a little about seeing each other out that night, although we didn’t see each other out.

We texted a little, that day, but I haven’t heard from him since. I’m not worried. I trust this. 

Maybe that’s a mistake.

But I’m trying.