#because i've been on FB so long now that some of my memories are like 15 years old

[genericpuff]

y'all have no clue how wild it is to live in my timeline, because 12 years ago i was a huge fan of these cute lil' zelda strips and at the time i found out through the grapevine that the creator apparently stopped making these comics because they had started drawing NSFW content-

and at the time i was like "oh ok that's wild but respect"

and now in the present the artist who's making the OMORI manga adaption is under fire for being a shota fetishist and it's putting the spotlight back on the OMORI creator themselves for ALSO being a shota fetishist and oh my god the omocat who made those zelda comics over a decade ago is the same omocat who went on to make OMORI holy shit-

[sunmontuewrites]

Thanks for the memories FB... People are amazed at how my kids cook one meal a week each (at least). Not just help, they do everything. They're 13 now and these photos are from 8 years ago. (It's just Wax in these photos - Max was apparently at A&E with Hubs...)

This is how you make kids confident in the kitchen. You start early, when they aren't afraid of making mistakes, when they are super excited about being in the kitchen with you and wanting to help (even though it's going to take 2-3 times as long because they'll be slower...)

It's also fascinating because I talk with M&W now and they're starting to take note that their friends CANNOT cook, that their friends are suddenly magically 'old enough' to be doing their own washing and cleaning... And on top of starting highschool and puberty their parents are giving them more responsibilities around the home. And the number of times their parents show them once and then expect them to know it. 🙄

Those are some sudden sharp changes and steep learning trajectories right there. That's a lot to take in when your brain is also effectively rewiring itself.

So we've been having conversations and they're glad that they already know how to cook, and clean, and do their own washing, and know how regularly these tasks all need doing. They also know that none of us particularly like doing them, but it doesn't make them any less important. That our health (mental and physical), and also inter-personal relationships rely on these tasks getting shared and done.

I was never a super clucky woman who wanted to be a mum, I was hanging out for when I could have conversations with them.

Another 8 years and these young men will be 21 years old and... Well, I'm far from perfect but I'm feeling like I've not fucked up majorly either.

[rivvyelf]

On Therapy

Warning: I'm going to discuss about my 1 minor and 1 major trauma of mine. The minor one involves being deceived and the major one involves death.

This is a bit untimely, as I realized I was shadowbanned 3 days ago and thought nobody would see this post. And yes, I do write for myself but I also believe in sharing wisdom. Because I'm shadowbanned, I can't comment on posts, respond to comments (outside of these posts), or message people, and I don't think my reblogs and likes even show up. I think only people who follow me can see this post, but oh well. Hopefully, it doesn't take months or years like others who've been shadowbanned for this post to be seen outside my circle.

I'm putting a "read more" separator here.

I'm piggybacking @brasideios' post from 3-4 days ago on therapy and the importance of seeking it compared to the massive potential disaster of unresolved trauma and untreated illness. I'm going to share my experience of 1 minor trauma and 1 major trauma of mine and how therapy could've helped both.

Minor trauma: Deception

This was years ago so I didn't realize that I was still affected by me being gaslit years ago. I thought I was friends with someone. I commented a bunch on their FB posts. Later found out those comments were deleted. I asked why. Instead of telling me that they didn't want my comments to be seen by peers outside our circle (social butterfly), they tell me that it was FB's fault. I kept on commenting, and those comments kept on being deleted. Asked FB, FB denied such a glitch. Confronted friend. Things got ugly, but the worst that came was a broken friendship.

It was only recently that I realized that I don't have a trigger, per se, but a fuse that can be lit if I make compliments to people I've interacted with a bunch before, but those compliments get erased without any explanation. It's a fuse because it'll easily turn off if the person gives a reason. If there isn't a reason, the longer time goes the less rational I become. I realize now that it's because I didn't want to relive that memory, the feeling of being lied to, of being deceived, and losing a friendship (if we ever had one, to begin with).

I realized this after the fact because it happened again, except I put all of the blame on myself. I didn't directly ask "Why are you deleting my comments?" I blamed the social media site, believed the best in the person I was communicating to, and so on. I still don't know what happened... and let's be honest here, I probably won't. By the time I realized that the website was working fine, the long fuse was now a short fuse. Things snowballed. Comments kept on getting deleted. In one day, as I chose to unlock my likes and follows (may close those again if I get more spam accounts communicating with me), all of the remaining comments I gave to that person were deleted. I couldn't handle it. Ended up making them uncomfortable. We don't communicate anymore.

I still am beating myself up over this because if I had a therapist at the time, they would've easily identified the memory in the past that I identified a lot quicker. Then the solution could've been: politely ask them why comments are being deleted. Stop commenting on their stuff, wait for a response for like a month. Then prod again. Be patient. People are busy. If there's no response within a reasonable amount of time, just don't make a big deal out of it and do other things. Forget about the person and carry on with what you're doing. Don't let your imagination take over.

All a reasonable therapist would've asked was "Do you remember if a similar event ever happened to you in the past?" and things would've probably been resolved quickly, for good or ill.

Now I know, some of you are saying "Hey! That's a simple question, you should've thought it yourself at the time." To which I respond, "There's a term in history called 'backseat historian' and you're one right now." Unresolved trauma leads to illogical responses. And I'm paying for that right now. So, even for things you thought were buried and done, it could arise again, like it did with me.

Now on to the Major Trauma: Death

My mom passed away in early 2021. It was hell. Lost 1.5 years of my life because I just... we never said goodbye. And a growing part of me believes that once we die, we'll never see each other again.

Now this one would've required a very very special therapist who was an expert in Ruist culture. I didn't want a therapist that was trained in classic Western Psychology because Chinese culture was absolutely almost ruined beyond compare by Imperial Europe and America (Anti-LGBTQIA+, reinforcement of binary gender down to adding gendered pronouns in written Chinese, Stalinism, Short Hair for men [okay that's my personal belief], clothing, spheres of influence, etc.) and psychology played a massive part! I needed an expert in filial piety and annihilationism (I think that's the belief that once we die, there's no afterlife and we disappear forever).

For me, I was in a state of despair that nobody could really understand me. So I didn't seek therapy. 1.5 years down the drain. I regret that decision because, yeah, there's a high likelihood where I just storm off after the first 5 minutes, but referrals exist and I could've done a lot more research.

It wasn't until I started creatively writing that I began to heal. I write stuff that my Mom doesn't agree with (the changing of history, getting certain Chinese culture details wrong, LGBTQIA+ since she was Christian and I didn't hear her say a good thing about homosexuality). Believe it or not, this helped a lot.

But I'm certain a therapist could've dug that out too. Creatively writing about topics that would make a deceased person yell at you isn't exclusive to Ruist/Chinese culture. It probably would've taken a lot of time, swapping around different therapists, but I feel that I could've healed quicker if I went to a therapist.

Yeah, that's my story. Glad you stuck out until the end if you made it this far. Don't be afraid of seeking a therapist.

[seginbeats]

Yknow, I love Pokémon. It's been there since I was a kindergartener. And Pokémon is how I bonded with my younger siblings, my cousin, how I met a lot of friends, how I connected with my roommates, and what ultimately led me to this RPC.

Every single fond memory I have of my childhood (there's not many) involves Pokémon. And even though my memory is absolute shit because of trauma and mental illness I can basically place things on a timeline based on what Pokémon game I was playing at the time.

And even now, I'm at work, and my patients and assistant always point out how "happy I look", because I'm always snickering or stupidly smiling after peeking at the dash in between appointments.

Pokémon basically kept me functional, and, not to be TOO gushy on main, but, sharing this community, and all the IC and OOC moments with you guys, definitely enhances my daily life for the better.

It's crazy cause like, even my past Pokémon communities, I've retained friends. I've since met up with irl and remained good friends with my old Rocket exec group on FB. My competitive Pokémon clan has been together for SO long that I've watched some of the members graduate high school, get married and have kids.

And, adorably enough, my little sister is in my DMs asking me to buy the Violet DLC for her for her birthday.

I love Pokémon ❤️

[grandhotelabyss]

Lol at the idea of commissioning Pariah to do the writing, (who incidentally also used to be in those dismal leftie fb groups years ago) if Salomé didn’t exist we would have to invent them. I confess I’ve never been completely convinced by either the left-libs freaking out about Lana as conservative chanteuse or the far right seeing in her a harbinger of some kind of youthful populist-reactionary turn. She reminds me of a kind of girl (and guy, although there were way less of them) I remember from high school who wanted to be counterculture, but didn’t do politics and wasn’t really interested in pissing off their parents in any way other than the normal way that all teenagers invariably do just by being teenagers.* Yeah there was a conservative leaning there, and even a bit of racism, but I think it was mostly a mix of aesthetics and cultural inertia- America is after all an ambiently conservative nation. It seems very odd to me that that type of person ever got radicalized enough to start throwing around the race science stuff the way Anna and Dasha did, but then they’re probably hardly representative specimens, and my memories of that type are all from before left-activist rhetoric became so completely inescapable during the Trump era

*A part of me is tempted to say that this is on a slightly higher register the role Paglia fulfills as well (this is the purpose of Camille) I’m sure the context of the original quote is nonsense, but I’ve always thought (I think?) Naomi Wolff was onto something when she described her as Phyllis Schlafy for the nipple-pierced set. There’s something of the sense while you’re actually reading or listening that this is some hot, revolutionary, stuff but then if you actually think about it you’re circuitously being persuaded via decadent aesthetics to have your parents or grandparents sexual/racial etc mores (this is not entirely serious and I know I’m doing injury to her program by describing this way, but I think it’s also the appeal of her aside from the imperious declaration of this and that.)

I think Oscar Wilde invented Salomé. I discovered her more recently, find a leftist phase hard to imagine.

Back in the '90s and early '00s, the religious right had enough power to allow the counterculture to be a broad political anti-church that included secular libertarians (e.g., Kurt Loder and Kennedy on MTV) or libertarian-ish figures like Paglia. As long as you weren't a Bible-thumper, nobody asked you what you thought about taxes. "Fiscally conservative, socially liberal" was like "I listen to everything but rap and country." Things were just politicized in a different way than they are now. I don't think everybody should have to be deeply politically engaged.

The racial thing with Anna and Dasha is because they're children of immigrants. (I'm allowed to say this because I'm one too.) I don't say "white" immigrants, either; I don't even say "non-black" immigrants, because I've graded the composition essays of Somali students here in Minneapolis, and they're also capable of sounding like Steve Sailer. The "critical race theory" idea—I think Baldwin was the first major writer to make the point—of immigrants defining themselves against African Americans is just true; I've seen it again and again.

On the other hand, Paglia was liberal on race, if in an aestheticized way that earned her a rebuke from bell hooks. Whenever she did talk about race, she took a romantic pan-POC (to include Italians and Jews) and anti-WASP stance. She blamed the feminism she despised on an almost racial Anglo-Saxon female frigidity. (There's a reason she became friends with Edward Said.) This seems less absurd when you read an early feminist tract like Olive Schreiner's Woman and Labour and find that it sounds like a Nazi pamphlet, heralding feminism as the rebirth, after industrialism caused a small setback in white women's estate, of the always-independent Teutonic sisterhood, this as against the immemorial slavery of women practiced by the "darker races" (presumably, again, to include Italians and Jews). But there are even strains of this kind of thing in Wollstonecraft and Fuller, too. Some have even wondered why Gilman's famous wallpaper is yellow.

As with Paglia, my own thinking about gender and sexuality ranges beyond the bounds of liberalism in either direction or all directions, while I can't say the same for race. I think it's irresponsible, to say the least, for humanists and artists to indulge anything like biological racism. Gender and sexuality are endlessly fascinating and unsolvable riddles, whereas I've never been able to get intellectually interested in race; masculine and feminine are cosmic forces, but "black" and "white" are the flimsy contrivances of the pirate and the sociologist.

[pielplastica]

I've been putting my heart and soul into school now that I'm going. I am 3 weeks behind and I know that I have to readjust to every teacher to their way of... well, teaching. But mostly I've been doing ok.

I have (had, is less now) a lot of late homework that I must do. A lot of drawings and concepts to study before my exams. Tomorrow I'll have the first one, Anatomy, and I feel nerveous but is because tomorrow I'll also have my first etymology class and I had to do 2 chapters on the manual without any previous knowledge and I feel a bit exhausted. I also help her with her homework too. I couldn't see her last weekend because I was so busy with homework, late works, drawings, manuals... But I know I can do it. I must do it.

I trust in myself, and I know that I am capable of doing this and even more. She came last sunday to give me an hamburguer and my in-laws came too, they were just passing by so it was quick but that 2 minutes that I got to see her were enough for me to regain my focus and being able to finish all my due homework in time. Now I just finished the homework that was left for next week because I really want to spend time with her.

Mom's been incapacitated due to some health issues. She's mostly ok, but needs to rest a lot so that she doesn't hurts her hands even more. She's been more at home so I can spend time with her a little more. But now is difficult for me due to school but last week we saw the new live action for ATLA and... it was better than what I expected. Have you watch ATLA? If not you should. For a long time I felt like I was Zuko in a way, but after watching The Legend of Korra I changed my mind, I really did saw myself in her and her struggles so, if you have time to spare, please watch ATLA and TLoK. I have a feeling you'll like her too. But yeah, we get to spend more time together. I never told you that but when we broke up I told my mom so, but I was feeling so numb that I didn't had any reaction on my face when I told her but she started crying. She was dissapointed. I can remember the look on her face when I told her that, said something among the lines of you being a good person, the worth kind of girl to have in your life and I knew she was right, but I just couldn't feel or do anything.

And I also think that was a big part of me not dealing with my feelings back then, I didn't allowed myself to feel anything related to you. I was trying so hard to put on a hard face with everyone to try and show them that I wasn't hurt but in reality I was just hiding from the facts. It hurt me so much seeing you at our university, so that's one of the reasons as of why I left. Not because of you, but because of me not being capable of dealing with all the beautiful memories that became so painful to bear whenever I was heading there.

I must admit that back then I was watching your FB profile until one day I saw that you were on a relationship with him and I... I just couldn't believe it. I thought that it didn't matter to you because it felt just way too soon for me. And I know we all heal differently, I've met a couple of people who can't stand being alone and are constantly seeking for the one who will give them attention until they get bored of them, and I don't mean you. You guys have lasted a long time and I'm happy he treats you and loves you the way that you want, but that's the current me talking and not the boy who didn'tn allowed himself to cry when he felt sad or to feel at all.

I want to admit that I feel tired, I've been sleeping 4 to 5 hours tops this last few days and I'm feeling a bit stressed but... yeah, I have to put on a brave face and a "can do" attitude. I still have a lot of difficulties talking about my feelings with everyone but I feel this is the only way where I can truly vent...

Can we add #good night at our last letter of the day so that we don't keep each other awake waiting for a response? I'll wait for yours if you have anything to say, but if you don't... I dunno, just a good night is good enough I guess.

But yeah, I'm really glad you had a nice morning and hope to keep reading your letters.

[alovecraft]

I don't know whether to be quiet or not. I've still got various housework things to do, but for now, I have a very old cat laying on a pillow that I've been meaning to wash for months (because I drool in my sleep). I'll put a readmore on here cuz I know me, I'mma say something that's probably going to sound awful or triggering.

Warning: cat

I definitely did not expect our local animal control to come knocking on the door asking if I was me and if I owned a grey cat. He's microchipped with my name and the name the shelter gave him. Holy shit, it's my cat. It's my Smrgl. My poor smrgy-smrgs.

The officer who picked him up thinks that, after he'd gotten out and while we were searching everywhere for him (because he was like...10-14 at the time), someone took him in and we presumed him to be dead.

Even off-screen deaths in meatspace can be wrong. So, now I have a very old cat in the last stages of his life. He immediately clung to me when the officer handed him to me and he started purring. And as soon as I turned my back in the house (thank gods the other cats are up because I've been doing laundry and Carrot is a little shit), he went and found something better than the freshly laundered towel I'd set him on.

Carrot and Beric are 7 (thank you fb memories), and he went missing about 2 years before that--Faustus, Firefly, and Hobbes were still alive then. And we adopted him when he was approximately 8 or 9, so there was a couple years he had with us, so he's anywhere between 18 and 23 is my guess.

I hope he makes it long enough for Jamie to see him.

But yeah. Still got stuff around the house to do, still gotta clean out the fridge, still gotta work on writing.

Spent like 3 hours working on writing this morning (and reading this really fun winterhawk story) and have gotten practically nowhere. Sketched out the pattern for the toy I want to make some work friends. Still gotta make foodstuffs for us for the week.

But now, currently, I get to play the game of "is the animal dead" every time I check on the cat. Will he die when we're asleep? Will he die when we go to work tomorrow? Will he die between now and Jamie getting home today? Do I need to make room in the freezer for the cat when he dies so that he is lightly preserved just enough for us to find a way to our local animal crematory? Will I bury him in the backyard with Hobbes?

It is really weird, y'know.

This morning, a random cricket started chirping loud as fuck in the bedroom. No idea how it got in. It's now somewhere in the bathroom.

I know Bast is the protector of cats, but who led him back to us in his final moments? Was it because he knew that we always try our best when it comes to end of life care for these guys?

[embracelifeschanges]

Welcome to my little window into the world. Please join me as I share with all of you some pretty epic & amazing experiences along my journey.

And, if you could spread the word, share with your family, friends, & acquaintances because the support you bring will guide me in growth as I build my dream; sharing my love of travel with you, educating and guiding others along the process, and leaving a true footprint of this given legacy for my wonderful children and beautiful grands.

Remember, life is short; live it.

Memories are sweet; build them.

Stories are precious; create them.

Family is a blessing; love them.

Friends who become family are a gift from heaven.

And, life, learn to embrace it simply because it will forever present you with changes.

Simply know that;

Each day, this side of heaven is either a creation, a memory, or a lesson, but no matter how this journey in life turns out, nothing will change the footprints we're blessed to be given.

Stay focused; you've got it!

Push through; you'll reach it!

Dream on; I know you can do it!

Look up to the stars, always; for you are now & truly will always be one of them!

𝐸𝑚𝑏𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒𝑠 𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑠

.

.

.

I'm kinda new to a lot of this technology stuff. And, I've been building this for a really long time. Trust me, life is not always easy, though most times what we share with others may look like it because I can't think of one person who simply likes to share their failures; especially on here though truth is we all experience them. Getting up to start again will forever be the hardest part. Choosing to conquer & overcome is truly my story. Getting past the negative self talk is a wonderful celebration. And ~ really accepting to understand that living with a permanent disability, though invisible, is both rewarding and challenging is the inexplainable reward, my gift, to become transparent with and bring forward for all of you. Knowing I am capable of accomplishing anything is a given, yet helping others through my process is so much more rewarding. My stories here will be both informative and educational with a truly vulnerable transparent look into the windows of the untold.

May grace flow through me [all of us] as I build this up & may the hands of our Lord teach me and guide me throughout each challenge placed on this call to the journey before me.

Blessings & much love!

Carey 🌸

📝Feel free to find me on FB, Instagram, YouTube, Pinterest, LinkedIn, and of course here on Tumblr. I'll tag them here once I get it all figured out.

🙋‍♀️Please rightfully tag me in these if you choose to share or use them. These photos are all owned by me. I am not monetized yet but am working hard to get that set up. Stealing these photos would mean a charity is missing out. Thank you in advance.

[motorclit]

Forgot to add: the republicans are getting mighty close to 100% being completely honest and blunt with their views and what they intend to do, and because their support base has adapted to agreeing with them over time, by the time they just come out and say it, their supporters will go from "nuh-uh, they aren't actually wanting to do/doing that" to eventually outright going "well what's wrong with that?"

I've watched my parents over the course of a DECADE going from being kind of prudish on some topics to outright supporting shooting immigrants crossing the southern border. I've watched them hear me talk about masks reducing the flu and cold spread ALMOST NINE YEARS AGO AND AGREEING WITH ME to being extremely anti-mask. They have listened to me talk about antifascist movements of the past, using that actual term as well as "antifa" as a term, to suddenly never hearing about them before until that festering cheetoh took office.

The brainwashing is frighteningly real. The thing I wonder is if they are lying about always supposedly having these views or if they genuinely believe they have no memory of me talking about certain topics they found harmless in the past that suddenly makes them foam at the mouth now.

They have been emotionally manipulated to where it has affected their thought patterns over time. This legit started in my household when 9/11 happened and suddenly faux news became available to them. It only EVER got worse since then.

My parents will interrupt and ignore ANY parallels between what's going on now and what happened in Germany decades ago with the exception of my dad almost hinting that the n*zis weren't all that bad by saying "we should have allied with them to fight communist Russia to prevent the USSR from coming into existence" because the Red Scare propaganda ran mighty fucking deep in this country and marinated in the minds of my parents' generation.

The only time I don't get much of an offensive pushback in conversation is when I talk to my parents about book banning. My mom thinks they're largely silly. But my dad was like, "Maybe if you read them, you'd realize why they should be banned!" To which I immediately went, "I ACTUALLY OWN ONE AND READ IT ON THAT LIST YOURE TALKING ABOUT. HAVE YOU?"

He suddenly wants to drop the subject. The book in question was "How To Be Anti-Racist" by Ibram X. Kendi. This wasn't too long after I had finished reading it.

My parents are their own echo-chamber to one another, with the exception of my uncle visiting to hunt (food reasons, not trophy hunting). Mom is on FB in her online echo chamber, and dad legit doesn't know how to look anything up online and REFUSES to learn how, watching things on YouTube that supports his bias only and taking comments he agrees with at face value. Btw, he does NOT have an account and refuses for whatever reason. The only sites he visits are YouTube and whatever I think that MSN-looking site is. (He has NO IDEA how to communicate what he does on his computer, he is so anti-technology until it supports his bias.)

My parents don't know how to hold their own in an argument because they parrot responses and talking points. They don't have the mental cue cards when they're met with someone who has, referring to my last example, someone who not only has the book but has also read it. As in, they legit panic when you offer to open the book to a particular page to disprove what they parrot, like it's a magic tome or the fucking Necronomicon.

Oh, and no... as of the last couple of decades, they don't read books (and my mom is oddly proud of that? For some reason?) My dad has a Glenn B*ck book but I don't think he read much of it. Most he reads is really old pulp fiction paperbacks from back in his day when he's on the toilet. And he's read it a million times.

They don't socialize outside of some family visiting or my mom occasionally visiting her sister. My mom's "regular socializing" is with her boss and sometimes customers at the retail store she works in (it's a small business store so it never gets crowded or anything).

They live in their bubble and refuse to talk to anyone outside the family that thinks or acts differently to them.

This is a glimpse as to what some cheetoh supporters tend to be like. We live on a farm in the middle of nowhere. They don't have cheetoh flags and banners and shit because they fear local democrats will attack them or something DESPITE THAT THIS ENTIRE AREA IS LARGELY CHEETOH COUNTRY, ESPECIALLY THE SUPER-RURAL SPOTS OF THIS RURAL AREA.

My parents have this victim mentality they adopted since they started watching faux news after 9/11. I swear, if either they didn't watch faux news or 9/11 didn't happen, it might not be this bad. There might have been hope for them.

They're beyond help, now. Nothing but their own free will (if they have any left) will make them change even slightly.

I don't get some people in the west here... all this talk about supporting Israel because they're Jewish, which of course, absolutely nothing wrong with being Jewish...

But these same people who support Israel here in the US don't seem to be as adamant in protecting Jewish people in the US who are catching all sorts of shit from antisemitic dipshits like neo-n*zis and the lizard people conspiracy theorists and shit.

I'm sure these same Americans who have these hypocritical views either aren't aware that the US turned away Jewish refugees during World War II, or they've heard about it but won't say anything about it to avoid either looking bad or tainting the "America is Great" narrative.

These also tend to be the same people who support politicians who excuse antisemitic actions that take place in the US and somehow ends up as the democrats' fault, so there's that.

They're also the kind who fear kid-touchers in the LGBTQ+ community but are "mysteriously" silent when catholic priests commit the same horrible acts.

Anybody else getting the whole doublethink/doublespeak vibes that George Orwell wrote about in his novel 1984?

[iredreamer]

Hey Irene! about that lighter, I've been searching like madness for 20+ minutes now (in both swedish and english), without any luck, haha. Any chance you can share which episode(s) you've see that lighter from? (because I have never paid attention to that myself). I dunno if it will help, but it might give some inspiration what to search for, hmmhm.

hey, it’s from Gentleman Jack 103. It also shows up in episode 6 when AW wakes up in the night, AL uses it to light up a candle beside the bed.

@victorialitera answered my post (thank u so much by the way) saying they’re pretty sure it’s a portable tinderbox, so that’s what I’m researching now.

After a little history check I found out that friction matches were invented in 1826, and that till that time tinderboxes were what was used around the house to light a fire. So it is more than plausible (I think) that in 1832 tinderboxes were still widely used. And also, it looks like friction matches always had kinda the same look, they have not changed much since their invention – this kinda rules out the possibility of this thing being an early friction match of some kind.

I do think that portable tinderbox is the right answer, I just have to find the exact same kind.

EDIT_1: okay, looking closely, she uses a fire striker (? no idea what’s the name in english, in italian it’s called an acciarino) to start the flame on top of something that is made of I don’t know what but it looks reusable.

And this is what confuses me about this whole thing: the way she lights it. 1) in everything I found about tinderboxes all the contents are not “fixed” to the box. 2) you have to take them all out to light the fire…so the way ^this thing^ works is kinda different.

My research continues…

EDIT_2: editing this post to add the super useful replies I received. Thank u so much @troiings for trying to figure out how ^this^ works: 

so… imo it looks like she’s holding a “pen” of sorts with flint on the end (the white tip)… basically flint with a handle. the box contains carbon steel (create a spark by striking with the flint). what i can only assume is that the bit at the end is combustible something or other… and it looks like there’s makybe??? a plug on the end of the box. Perhaps there’s oil inside of it, and the combustible *mumblemumble* is an oversized wick? basically strike up a spark with flint+steel, light the wick, refill the body of the box with oil when needed? this is literally me going by what it looks like is happening and paying no regard to historical whatever

And thank you @extra-mt16 for the info:

A FB group had a discussion regarding the tinderbox a while back, and people were equally confused and intrigued. There was one answer that might be of help. The person read somewhere (maybe in Angela Steidel biography) that AL had it custom-made to her specifications. That might explain the unusualness of the design. :)

This explains A LOT. ( @flozmin you were so right!) Now I have to find that reference and ideally find the journal entry where Anne describes it (which I feel is gonna take forever). @extra-mt16 I’m not really active on FB for these kind of things, do you know if someone managed to find the diary entry? Or do you have some hint around what time Anne had the tinderbox made?

EDIT_3: Update! Thank you so much @winteringinrome for your reply and sharing even more info about this thing:

This page was linked on the FB group and has pictures similar to what Anne used in the show and explains how it works: http://www.oldandinteresting.com/tinderbox.aspx also had a vague memory of Anne talking about something like this in her diaries and I found the following reference in Anne Choma’s book:"John [Oates] thought that for 2 or 3 pounds he could make me a portable one (a reservoir of air like that for air gun and filled in the same way), all to go in a box of 6 inch square - one reservoir full would keep up a strong and regular blast for 1/4 hour” - 12 Sep 1832 (SH:7/ML/E/15/0117).This seems to be talking about something slightly different (blowpipes rather than a tinderbox) but I wonder if that’s what is ringing bells with people.

The link about the tinderbox is also the one I stumbled upon while researching tinderboxes (another reference to understand how those things worked is this: regencyredingote - The Tinderbox it doesn’t have pictures but it’s an interesting read that explains in great details how a tinderbox works etc. etc.) and yep, it looks like the concept of the thing is the same, but the design is different.

I’m just very curious to know if the object we see is accurate or if it’s just inspired by something AL wrote in her journal (like the quote posted above for example). By the way, half an hour ago I wrote to Anne Choma on twitter asking her if the object we see in the show is accurate (long shot, I know but worth trying). Let’s see how this thing evolves.

By the way, you are all amazing, replying and trying to figure this out! What a community! Anne Lister would be proud!

[nomand-berserka]

A little openly honest abridged intro in to me and dealing with my head and my black dog.

I am the newly appointed Team Leader for West Yorkshire with the guys at Veterans Hike. @veteranshike

Ive found a love for hiking over the past few months, since this crazy lockdown here in the UK.

I have struggled a lot over the years since leaving the Army, still dont feel like I fit into the bracket called Civvie. I know that may sound a little cliche. But it is exactly what it is.

I joined the forces straight from school. There was nothing for me where I lived, and with a long proud military history in my family, I felt it's what I'd always wanted and knew in my early to mid teens, that I'd join up.

I felt I did pretty well, considering pretty much everyone I knew, thought that I wouldnt even make it past selection. Well I pissed on their parade let me tell ya.

I'm not going to go into the ins and out of my career. But the tours I did, were SFOR (peacekeeping) Bosnia 98 and Op Agricola Kosovo 99.

Now with that, I've seen some pretty fkd up stuff at the ages of 18 and 19.. But you crack on and get the job the done. Get back home and continue as normal.

Now upon leaving the Army, I felt very lost. Ended up going from job to job, due to not being able to fit in with or liking the people I worked with. Often getting pushed out because of having a different mindset... This turned into a serious dislike for people in general. There was no bond, no brotherhood, everyone out for themselves and didnt care who they fkd over to get what they wanted.

This became the time I started with the heavy drinking and the stupid violence, infact the drink and the violence became the reason I lost my family and almost ended up 6 feet under.

The violence continued, as I just hated everyone... for lots of different reasons. This then led to me serving time on a couple of occasions. But it still continued after being locked up... I didnt see it as a problem, as I just thought "I wont take peoples shit", and I'll show anyone who tries to give me shit. That it will lead to getting hurt. Jump forward to being left for dead with 2 stab wounds... Yes it got that bad. Maybe I was asking for my way out?

Jump forward a year or so of living a dark time.

Its then i got into martial arts (Muay Thai under the tutilage of master Ronnie Green 5 time world champion), a friend of mine didnt want to see me locked up again. Or with more perforations than a "Tetley Tea bag". This became my drive again, I'd found something I could focus on and put myself, my whole self into again.

First session in, I was hooked. Had my first full contact fight at just over 6 months and had plenty thereafter, still have the copy of my official invite to the 2013 world championships. This was my crowing glory moment... This is where I'd found the focus to not be that drunked violent ass hat. My fitness went through the roof and I felt good again for the first time in years

Injury got me though, put me right back to not being able to train. Even ended my career, I tried to train again, but way too soon. Causing myself more problems. Taking even longer to get back to 100%

My anger started to creep back, the bad food the drinking... and yes the violence. then jump again forward to going back to prison for a very violent episode in 2015. Where 2 people got badly hurt. I pleaded guilty. I tried to reach out for help before the day in court. But it was too little too late...

However, in prison this time in 2016 I asked for help. Where can i get it, and who can help me the most.. There was a small eager group called Care after Combat, they concentrate on helping Veterans, who are sent to prison. During and after release. (I'll go into them at a later date).

I've kept my nose clean since then, was officially Dignosed with PTSD in 2017, so done a few local therapy courses Anger Management, CBT but still no actual PTSD help as of yet. Combat Stress, I think may have forgotten about me hahaha.

But the thought of prison!!!! id rather not go back ever again. Plus I'm getting on now, and not a 25 year old dick head. Eith a chip on his shoulder about civvies anymore.

Jump forward again, to present Covid 19 times.

I'm a joiner now put myself through College 12 years ago. The outdoors have always agreed with me. But after a work accident last year in August I had 14 weeks sat at home gaining weight. Bordem drinking and eating shit and the head started to go again. But thankfully got back to work early December.

In March 2020 and we get Furloughed. For however long it may take.

So I gave myself THE talking to. Stay off the booze (well not completely hehe). Keep yourself busy. Find a focus in something, anything. Just dont he that dickhead again.

So here I am, I spend at least 3 days a week walking the Pennines and the moors between my beloved Yorkshire and the dark soggy lands of Lancahire. Its literally 20 minutes from my door to where I park the motor. My head still goes south, but more into the low mood and hating myself for allowing what I'd done in the past. I've had depression for years, but it was always over shadowed by my stupidity. So when it does that, i hit my local park and do 10 laps (8 miles) of that. Or just get my pack ready and hit the trails. Often doing around 15-20 miles.

Now I've started with a small Daystack and have started adding weight, carring 15kg. plus 3 litre camelback, food stuff and inclement weather gear. Its north of England the weather does what it wants. "If tha dunt lyk weather, jus bloody wait 20 minutes It'l change". hahaha.

Doing this has given me more drive in my fitness and massively boosted my mental state. Plus the escape from the rat race bollox that we all have to live through. More and more people have started to notice my weight loss. Down from 20 stone to just over 17 stone. Now I'm as round as I am tall, but for a fat lad I've been told I'm pretty fit... Guess all those years in the Army, years of Muay Thai and Kempo Jiu Jitsu. It must have left some form of conditioning and muscle memory. So this again boosts me. I'm now picking up the weights at home and even got a bike... so this new found fitness is a fantastic feeling again... it's not just about keeping busy anymore, it's about showing people. Who I'd alienated during all these years, that I'm not the same guy, and they are wanting to come on hikes with me now

(Its also pushed me to train for the 3 peaks... but that's another story for another time)

It's also the biggest Therapy I can give myself, sometimes I go it alone and sometimes I have company. The outdoors is literally where I feel at my easiest and most peaceful... The benefits are there for everyone who knows me, to see. Its physically demanding, but it's so peaceful. If I bump into other people, there is always a nod a smile and a "morning/afternoon" exchanged. Not all people are nob heads haha!

I cant stress enough how good it feels to keep occupied physically and mentally, buy doing something I never thought I'd do...

It's become my passion... I'm looking into longer routes all the time, and now looking at some proper outdoors gear. Better rucksack even a tent. If being up the hills for a few hours or just a day, makes me feel things are better. Then surely a couple of days and nights will be even better...Right?

I want to thank anyone who takes the time to reads this, however you see it. Be it on insta, Tumbler or FB. So cheers guys and gals.

We all have hardships, we all need that help at some point. Go out and find what makes it all better, please guys. We all deserve to smile for what ever reason.

Who knows, we may even cross trails someday. You'll always get a smile and a nod from me.

Steve

The Nomad Beserka

[sugarcanesiren]

Happy selfie night!! I think I've only done one of these before but this one seems apt. My doctor always jokes that he's never seen anyone with so many diagnoses because he has to scroll through my meds and match them with a specific ailment every month. To list then seems a bit asinine. I wasn't completely healthy before my open heart surgeries, but there has been a steady decline in my physical health, which has put additional strain on my mental health. I can no longer take any medications to aid in that aspect of my health (& there's many meds I can't take for my physical health as well...I can't even take ibuprofen or benadryl) because I developed a rare syndrome in which my heart could stop if I take any of the medications on a ridiculously long list of medications (pages long list). My body (and my mind) is gradually breaking down on me. The surgeries gravely affected my short-term memory, so don't ask me what happened yesterday, last week or even this morning. Sure I sporadically remember things, but it's usually aided by something visual, a sound (mb a song) or a person, that sort of thing. School has been RIDICULOUSLY difficult, but I'm doing the best I can. It just takes me a LONG time to do that sort of thing.

I actually wrote a paper on "invisible disabilities" a few months back. I can not tell you how many times I've heard, "but you don't look disabled" when going through security and such. I have metal in my heart, so I've set off metal detectors before. Now I tend to carry the cards with all of the device information (bc I have rubber in my heart, too).

When I was at one of the lowest points in my life, I decided to face one of my many irrational fears and trek to the city (NYC) by myself for Taylor's 1989 GMA performance. I met the most wonderful people and it was a turning point for me during that time. I had never really been on social media before, besides FB, (didn't know how tumblr worked and didn't get Twitter bc 140 characters just never seems to be enough, mostly bc I talk a lot and my thoughts are vast and random...thank you for that ADHD). My life, at that point, was going to doctors, physical therapy and counseling (4-5 days a week, usually multiple appointments a day). Particularly during my years of all that, Taylor and other swifties gave me something to focus on and get excited about. I had never seen Taylor on tour because I was always in the hospital, for months at a time, or recovering when she was on tour. GMA was the first time seeing her live (which was enthralling). But because I found my way there, and met some of the most beautiful people ever, I found my way to a few other swiftie gatherings. (And now I live in NYC, well, Brooklyn...NEVER thought that'd happen, EVER). @outofthewoods83 will always be my savior and is the most gorgeous human being EVER. Because of her I got to go to the 1989 tour AND the Formula 1 show in TX (& we were SO CLOSE for that😁).

I was a little out of the loop after last opening week. Life happened and then I decided to try to "suck it up", stop being afraid of failing and do something with myself. It's been a long journey, I'm still in the midst of, but I feel like I'm the precipice of something better, perhaps even great. Once I find a stable place to live, I'll be able to breathe (well, as much as my anxiety will allow me to). Ah, things will come together. I'm hoping before the Lover tour tickets go on sale🤞🤞

**Like I said, I'm very long-winded

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

[themegalosaurus]

Are there any soullessdean fics out there? bc it just hit me that i've never read one. In that episode of season 11 Amara did try to suck it out, idk why she stopped but it could have gone that way and now i'm just brainstorming that how that would've gone? What would dean be like without a soul?!? Someone plz write about this i NEED to know!!!!

I feel like there was definitely some chat in S11 about whether Dean was, in fact, soulless after that scene with Amara (I was trying to remember why that theory caught on and going back through some Ancient Samgirl Chat on FB I think it was because Dean wasn’t very on board with Sam’s S11 campaign to kill fewer people?! Like he wanted to get rid of some demon and Sam was like ‘no no we need to exorcise him’ and Dean was like *eyeroll* ‘oh right, new rules’ and people were concerned about that) (I guess that never manifested tho so turns out that was just Dean, hahaha). 

A soulless Dean would be interesting because we’ve already seen demon!Dean (who was basically aggro frat boy Dean, until 10x03 when he turned really nasty and personal and creepy) and Mark of Cain!Dean, who wasn’t that dissimilar in that he shared demon!Dean’s capacity for cruelty (”It should be you up there instead of her”) and enjoyment of violence for its own sake, but I guess had more of a self-righteousness to him whereas demon!Dean was more with the just not giving a shit. Differentiating Soulless!Dean from both of those might be kind of tricky, though it has the possibility to be interesting because Dean is so emotionally driven most of the time (more so I think than Sam).

In fact, I think a soulless Dean might actually find it easier to get along with Sam in some ways, because historically lots of the problems between them have been bound up with Dean’s emotional responses (Dean can’t deal with Sam’s supernatural powers because they contradict his internal image of Sam as a little boy, Dean feels wounded and betrayed when Sam works with Ruby or moves in with Amelia, Dean can’t bring himself to let Sam die because he loves him and fears being without him). A less emotionally driven Dean might be easier to talk to (he wouldn’t have the same hangups about revealing what he really thinks) and more willing to countenance alternative points of view.

Still, I think the same problem would arise as with Soulless Sam in S6, who was pretty benign until Dean started trying to re-soul him and he realised that might not be a pretty prospect. Even if Sam and Soulless!Dean rubbed along okay, Sam would be very conscious that Dean wouldn’t want this state of affairs to continue (after all, Dean made the choice to resoul Sam) and would (I imagine) go to some lengths to restore Dean’s soul. Soulless!Dean would presumably have the same issues with that as Sam did, and so conflict would arise. I guess though that depends on what has notionally happened to Dean’s soul meanwhile. A lot of why Soulless didn’t want to be ‘fixed’ was because everybody was telling him that Sam’s soul would be so damaged by what had happened in the cage it might kill him or have other serious long-term effects. If Dean’s soul had just been held somewhere safe it wouldn’t be an issue so much; though you still have the issue that soulless!Dean as a separate person would then essentially vanish. (As soulless Sam says to Bobby, ‘He’ll kill me to get that other guy back.‘.) I think Sam might be quite conflicted about that, if he and Soulless Dean had worked together okay. But I feel like ultimately he’d be on the re-souling side. 

I actually read a fic not a million miles from this idea, though it isn’t the same trope exactly - Dean had lost his memory (this was written pre-’Regarding Dean’) and woke up effectively a new person and it was about whether Sam should ‘cure’ him or not. (I canNOT remember where I read this so if you know it please hit me up and I’ll add the link!) But that was Dean POV, about working out his own relationship both to Sam and to his previous self. That’s cool but I would be very interested in a Sam POV fic with a soulless Dean, where soulless Dean was sort of engaging as a person and Sam had to wrestle with what happened to that guy when Dean’s soul came back. (OMFG that has just reminded me of another amazing soullessness fic, askance’s ‘Gentle Flesh’. It deals with some similar issues but is emotionally BRUTAL so prepare yourself.)

This was very waffly, sorry anon! I wrote it in bits and pieces during my workday, that’s my excuse.

[boyuantai-blog]

I've decided to decide on the right answer to every question so I'll never have to think again.

Link to my original FB post: https://www.facebook.com/boyuan.tai.5/posts/123015615582347

Full text:

Sometimes when I'm thinking to myself in my head, I almost feel like I'm talking to someone else. And then I'm reluctant to let that person go. I know what it is, memories of past conversations, memes, random facts, whatever, but it feels so real. It's almost like when you're having a good dream, and then you wake up, and you want to go back into that dream again because it was better than the here and now. I don't know if it's possible to be in love with oneself, but I'm definitely in love with my own mind, because it carries all the memories of the good things. I'm beginning to understand more and more why people choose to become writers. Not only is writing free from the laws of reality, but it helps us see the deeper truths in reality itself. I chose to be a hermit because I dunno, I like people and I hate people. I don't do this myself, but I understand why people go to social gatherings to be alone. I prefer to view society from the outside in rather than from the inside out. Society itself is a social construct that anybody can mould to their own whim and desire if they're sufficiently intelligent and fully aware of the possible unforeseen consequences. With that said, I don't think it's a good idea to mess with the social order too much. I'm not going to talk about anything particular in this post because the particular things are precisely the things that I'm avoiding by distracting myself with writing. But I think if anybody really reads into what I'm writing, they can probably get what it is that bothers me. I'm being deliberately cryptic. I know there are loads of people who are unintentionally cryptic simply because they can't communicate well, or they overthink and then they say the opposite of what they mean, but I am being deliberately confusing because this isn't about anything. It's purely a linguistic exercise to see what sort of syntactical constructs I can generate to amuse myself. It's like the show Seinfeld. Seinfeld is literally about nothing. The show is just his everyday life. But I guess this isn't exactly like Seinfeld. Seinfeld doesn't offer a higher commentary. There's a complete lack of bias. I would say Seinfeld is nihilistic, life as it is, without a search for any deeper meaning or purpose. The nihilistic theme was very popular in the 90's. Friends had the same gist. Same with 90210 or The O.C. or a host of other shows just epitomize 90's nihilism. I'm not going to revive 90's nihilism because that's all been played out and it's boring now. What I'm talking more about is memes. Or viral Youtube videos. It's a different take on reality altogether. A meme doesn't care about realism whatsoever. In fact, the less realistic a meme is, the funnier it is. I'm going to call this 2010's realism. 90's nihilism was about finding meaning in life precisely by assuming that life was meaningless and then finding the truths the became unshakeable, like love and hope and friendship, and all the bittersweet things that anybody can use to identify the 90's. 2010's realism is about finding out what is real precisely by assuming that nothing is real, that all syntactic constructions are equally valid, and then finding the truths that are unshakeable. For example:

- the political correctness movement - the LGBTQ movement - equal rights for everybody regardless of race, sexuality, whatever - social media bots and whether or not they have passed the Turing test, etc.

Physicists went so far as to question whether the Universe itself is a simulation. So again, 2010's realism. What is real? Obviously there's also cosmetic surgery, the general cosmetics industry, photo editing, video editing, the Snapchat gender swap filter, etc., all challenge realism.

I think we're at the point, philosophically, where we're asking: "What is art, and what is reality, and which do we prefer?"

Obviously, a lot of the stuff I stated originates before the 2010's, but I have to lump it all under a common theme.

It's not a new idea to shove the unpleasant side of things under the rug, and superficially enhancing the pleasant things. But back to equality. If somebody has a sex-change operation, are they their gender, or the gender prior. There are people who believe either. Is your birth gender more real than your current gender? Opinion varies wildly on that topic. Or, to cut out any bearing on an underlying reality, can you just identify as whatever, and be that whatever. For example, furries didn't EXIST until the first person chose to put on a fur suit and identify as a furry.

It's almost the end of the decade. Some people believe you are precisely what you were born as. Other people believe you are just you, now. If you believe the past is more real than the present, then you believe one thing. If you believe the present is more real than the past, then you believe another thing. In my opinion it's a question of your own philosophical assumptions, so either position is equally valid.

As far as whether or not you really are what you identify as, well that's a question of mind versus matter. If you believe in mind over matter, then you really are a tree if you identify as one. Whereas, if you believe in matter over mind, then you're just a person who believes they are a tree. In my opinion, it's another question of your own philosophical assumptions, so either position is equally valid.

BUT an interesting consequence of this philosophical exercise is it answers the question of whether or not God is real. If you identify as a person for whom God is real, then God is real. If you identify as a person for whom God is fake, then God is fake.

Personally, well, first of all, I prefer not to ever discuss the topic of religion, period, because it raises so many questions of hierarchy and social norms and on and on and on, in exactly the same way if you ever discuss your political beliefs, then again it raises a million questions of social responsibility and individual responsibility and on and on and on. But, for the record, I don't believe in God. I trust in myself. Satirically, I believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. But truthfully, I trust in myself. I don't "believe" in myself, because I'm fallible, like anybody else. I'm not trying to upset the entire religious hierarchy here from the Pope down, or a similar analog if you're Muslim or Buddhist or whomever. I just don't have much particular faith in anything outside of myself. I don't have faith. Maybe I was brainwashed by all the years of Scientism. People have to realize that Scientism, the faith in Science, is itself a religion by definition. And, in this context, with the meanings of the words as I've described above, I can ask this question: "Am I a Christian or a Scientist?" and hopefully you all know what I mean with those words.

I said before I currently don't have faith in anything. So I'm neither a Christian nor a Scientist, with the meanings of the words as I defined above. I was a Scientist for a long time. Nowadays, I think I'm a trial-and-error-and-google-and-past-experience-ist.

And just a minor tangent, a person who has faith in medicine is a Doctor. I've never been a Doctor. With the meaning of the word as I just defined it. I know some stuff works and other stuff is ??????.

I remember somebody made a joke once about how a liberal decided on the right answer to every question so they would never have to think again. I feel like I'm doing that right now, which also labels me as a liberal by that person's definition.

I guess I am a liberal, but hopefully not with all the connotations attached to the word. I like new ideas. New ways of doing things. New ways of thinking about old problems or social constructs. I like new.

Anyways, I will end this post for now, seeing as I've already written a sizeable book, haha.