#because i'm working all day sunday
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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it's a good thing I started this sweater project in February, because at this rate I'll be lucky to finish by Christmas
#send help#it is only PARTIALLY my fault#this is the pattern that's full of errors and it's taking all of the available project notes on ravelry to keep me going#all of the old ladies at church are surprised when I dig this project out Sunday after Sunday#I tell them it's my church project but the answer is that I only have patience for it on the Lord's Day#'are you making ALL of your Christmas gifts!?' merciful heavens no I'm not that silly#(watch it end up as a completely mediocre cardigan)#(made with love and by love I mean tears and gritted teeth)#and when I get home I have to work on the other project I've been staring at for months because guess what?#schedules changed and the deadline got moved to May so guess who hasn't touched the thing in weeks?#yup it's me#I made a risky decision on the turning seam and I can't decide if I want to keep it or undo four difficult rows and try again#ANYWAY I'm surviving but barely
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Oh. Oh no. Could it already be..? Why yes, yes it was. Copperhead sighs, pressing two scaly fingertips to the bridge of his nose - not that doing so would help the bouquet of aromas currently flooding his senses. Valentine's Day was coming, but that wasn't the problem. Beyond the sickeningly sweet scent of flowers and chocolates, he could smell that spring was on the way and if it was like all the previous years, he was in for a rough couple of weeks.
#🐍 || musings#People only have to worry about Valentine's Day but Copperhead has the first few weeks of spring to get all hot and bothered#Cold winters and brumation only makes things worse#A slave to his instincts really#But spring is a HORRIBLE time for Copperhead because all those instincts are a huge distraction in his line of work#Feeling the sun on his scales again is nice but those urges are not#Spring: 🌞🌾🌱🌷🌼🐸 🌸 🌈#Snake instincts: 👀#Just a quick funny bc I'm working Sunday too >:)
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next week we're going into the peak of our conference season (starting on wednesday we'll have 6 conferences in 11 days) and our department's website decided to act up this week so we have to use workarounds for everything and still the most cosmically unfair part to me is that satisfactory 1.0 launches the day before everything gets the most busy which means i absolutely cannot play it for the next two weeks or i will be exhausted and get zero work done
#i was watching the final update/1.0 teaser over lunch today and it looks so good :(#but i know myself. i will stay up stupid late to play it and i'll just be even more exhausted during this hell week (hell fortnight)#at the end of that though i'll be owed two days off (bc i'm working two saturdays) and THEN i can go ham#i am trying to relax this weekend and not think about next week. it'll be fine. there's a lot of stuff happening but it's all workable.#i'm trying not to think of it as 11 days because the first week is the hardest part and the second week will be longer but simpler#and we do have the sunday off in the middle. last year it was actually 11 straight days#we have to find a way to not do this next year though. i feel like for two years we've been like 'this is terrible and we shouldn't allow#conferences to happen on the same day as much as we can' but then when course directors come to us with overlapping dates we never push bac#people come to us late but with plans and our dept heads don't want to say no so we just schedule them anyway#i get that it's revenue for us. we can't just say no completely. but i think we can definitely push harder on the scheduling front#anyway. it's 5:30 i'm going to stop talking about work#j rambles
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Things I did to prepare for Key:
brought my laptop to work
put on a movie for one of my classes so I could download the game
-movie was rated R, there were so many tits in my classroom, absolute fuckup
made another class watch a video on youtube and reflect on it, told them I was grading videos from seniors
-put in headphones and started playing the game while 'teaching'
continued playing the game while one of my classes was testing
-pretty sure someone cheated, did not have capacity to care - had already caught someone that morning, didn't want to go through the process again
-lied to them about grading senior papers too
breakfast for dinner
gave my next day's first, third, and fifth periods to a coworker (I didn't have 2nd or 3rd)
fell asleep at work today
(continued to let my class watch the rated R movie so I could actually grade the papers I was supposedly grading before)
#Key#don't tell my boss how badly I halfassed these past couple of days#because from his perspective I'm still pretty on top of things - at least compared to him#he asked to speak with me at the end of the day and I thought a parent had complained about the movie#no - he apologised for not being on top of something I had e-mailed about earlier this week and wanted to check in on it#every time I worry I'm bad at my job there is someone doing a worse job that makes me feel better about myself#I'll eventually post more about the game itself#but I actually do need to get my senior stuff done cause they graduate on Sunday#though I did get my last kid to passing today#now all of my seniors will pass my classes#idk about their others#except for one of them - that has three kids - my seniors needed to pass my classes for graduation#my freshies are not all going to pass#but it's on them#because if you turn in the classwork - even if tests aren't your thing - you will pass#I had a kid last year who will not be earning a diploma and literally cannot read who passed my class#because all you need to do is turn in the fucking work - even if you're getting 30s on tests and your work is crap - just complete it#thanks for reading my rambles this far - I promise I do care so much for my kids#just irritated with a few right now#(before you come for me - I accept late work for partial credit#until the last day of class which is more lenient than the school's policy)
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So close to being finished with my post office training! I just have to do my driver's test next Thursday and I'm officially an assistant rural carrier! Which is step one in becoming a full time employee and receiving those sweet, sweet government job bennies. But also, it's a lot of sorting and shit, and tism go brrrrrrrr with that.
#my only concern thus far is i was told yesterday there's a holler in my area where the people will shoot at you if you use their driveway#and then two other homes where you're likely to get shot at#everyone is acting like dogs are the biggest threat#as if I'm not a certified beast master and haven't had to beat up large dogs for attacking my dogs before#I'll take an aggressive dog over a trigger happy hillbilly any day!#they also warned against bees spiders and wasps as if those are even a problem 90% of the time#it's different if you have allergies#but like. wasps just want to see you're not a threat then they stop getting right in your face.#bees don't sting unless they have to#and spiders be chillin#as far as insects go my concern is wheel bugs and assassin bugs because they can carry parasites that k-o you#they also mentioned being aware of bears. but the bears out here are oversized raccoons and run when you raise your voice.#pretty much all the threats boil down to 'have you been outside before? if yes you'll be fine'#they mentioned that you have to piss in the woods on rural routes and the lady leading the class singled me out as being afraid of that#like. you got me wrong girlie. i actually don't mind pissing in the woods and I've gotten great at it over the years.#i have a sticker on my water bottle that says i love peeing outside. and it's not a lie.#there's more a threat of insects on your taint outside. but it's nicer to look at trees while peeing than a wall.#learning my route will also be a challenge because I'm only working Sundays starting out and I'm not from the area#it's also rural so no phone service if i get stuck or need help#but yeah. i think I'm gonna enjoy being outside for work and making a living wage.#the PO I'm at said they'll hire me full time once I've been there long enough to show that I'm a good employee#and they said their people usually only work about 40 hours/wk instead of the standard of 60 because it's a small area compared to others
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Me: I am losing my motivation to write. I am so distracted. I can't even remember what these characters sound like... I am doomed.... At least I only have 40 chapters left... :/ If I can get through that I never have to do this again. I am losing my love for this property. I can no longer even remember how they speak or pick out their characteristics. :( I have no interest in Marvel anymore and I never will again :(. It was fun while it lasted....
Me after I have a hot bath and open up my laptop at the kitchen table: THESE BITCHES??? 🥺🥺🥺 THEY'RE GAY???? and they have a lil baby Sylvie and a Thor??? And they love each other and the littles are menaces??? 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🥺🥺 And in every universe these 4 are built to be a happy found family together and that is so special. Let me write about them in all universes... Let me write about them in every situation and configuration. 💚💚💚💚 I hope after this 40 chapters, the new season will come out and I will be so inspired that there will be another 40 more. 💚💚💚💚
#agere fic inspo#agere fic update#relaxing and taking self care is one hell of a drug#swearing tw#My week this semester looks like this:#Sunday: 4 hours work in the afternoons#Monday: school + work 8AM-6PM gone.#Tuesday: online school#Wednesday: Monday 2#Thursday: finish up online school#Friday: vibe day. Weekend day? Self care#Saturday: family and errands and chores and friends and oh my god all my social life is condensed into 1 day a week#so all my creative energy is packed into Friday nights pretty much is what I'm saying#so I get dramatic because I'm scared#like 'oh no what if I never fall in love with this the same way again?'#and I think that but like....#idk even though I write Miss Peregrines or Transformers or 30 Rock fics anymore#I still love those properties#and I still love P&R and WWDITS#and Good Omens#even if that honeymoon phase is gone (which tbh I don't think it is. I think I'm just working a lot)#I still love and keep up with and get excited about those properties#Hell I even STILL would like to write for these properties#I just... don't because I don't have story ideas#(but if you want to request them 👀)#Like... I'm still thinking about Transformers when I say this#(this is coping btw these tags are me talking to myself don't worry)#I watched that when I was 6. and the 80's series had an upsetting ending and I didn't like any of the other versions#but now that nostalgia is such a big market#I find myself now
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The night is young and I am free to do whatever my heart desires but unfortunately I have once again found myself trapped in the Time Prison and so I
#the good old 'I don't feel like doing anything including doing nothing and I want to go to bed but I know I'm not tired'#WEH.#I'm enjoying typing but I don't want to commit to practicing typing for real so I'm just making excuses to type more#I was looking at custom ESC keycaps because I was thinking about that whole community of ppl obsessed with keyboards and like I get it I#like the clicky clacking and keyboards can look so pretty but some of those key caps man wtf.#why would you want 3D transparent donald duck ESC key from temu what is wrong with you#saw a set of key caps that were little kittys with little kitty ears n I was like fuuuuuuuuuck#49.00 USD probably 100000 CAD+shipping goto helllll#I was thinking about what if I had like confetti keycaps and a custom kittycake esc key or like an actual little cake and matching desk mat#or even just a new cute mousepad cuz mine is old as fuck and I spilled vegetable cream stew on it once#and then I was thinking like sighhh and wouldn't it be cool to have arcade carpet on the stairs leading down to my basement hovel and#rainbow lights along the ceiling corners and what if I painting my bedroom like I wanted to do and sighhhhh#I haven't been wasting my money buying shit like that but I'm thinking about it again.#but the same thing stopping me from doing anything at all is stopping me from wasting my money which like that's good I guess???????#gosh I really like typing why did I stop doing daily typing practice#oh yea The Thing Stopping Me From Doing Anything At All#meow meowm meow meow meow#ok I really gotta tear myself away from my computer and brush my teethses and try going to bed#I already played minecraft earlier it's fine I didn't do NOTHING tonight it just feels like I did#and tomorrow is another day#and next week is a short work week thank fucking christ almighty#literally cuz its easter sunday and he was in that tomb but he escaped or whatever he did#thanks jeezy boy#you maybe shoulda milked it for like half a week at least#moved the big ass boulder like have an inch at a time#*pause for laughter*#that s from my new stand up comedy routine do uiuop like it djfskll;askjdgflksjdflksajdflksjdf the dsjalkjfolidasfgjoiweljsdalkjflskdjflak#meowww#I am the only one I know on here who 'talks' this fucking much about absolutely nothing#I do all this and my poor followers can click read more and spend time reading alllllll this garbage
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i hate working on Saturdays but at least i can be paid to be on FR for hours lmao
we just hired a new person though so cross your fingers that she can get trained onto Saturday shifts soon enough! i'm disabled, i really struggle with working more than the measly shifts i already work ;-;
#saturdays are really the only days my girlfriend and i can do date nights bc she's too tired from working on fridays to go out on fridays#and if i work saturdays i'm too tired from working to do anything#and then that leaves us sunday but she works at 7am the next morning so lol#she works mon-fri 7-4 and does drywall and other construction so she quite literally is very exhausted all of the time#i'm mostly frustrated about the weekends because in my interview i said that i could help cover weekends but i could not regularly work the
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Final builds of demo are exported. I am so tired. Tomorrow I finish the trailer and Sunday I finish the final presentation of the steam page and press submit. Everything going well the demo releases in a week..............
#I have also fucked over my wrists again#going to take a while to recover from this just like when I had to take all those extensions for my finals in grad school#it was mostly a couple days ago I did a long tablet drawing session in really bad ergonomic posture#and after weeks and weeks of working on drying and also at the computer basically non-stop that was just the icing on the cake#I also haven't had the time to practice cello as much and since cello helps build my muscles and gives me some relief thats making it worse#anyway I have my wrist braces on tonight and I'm going to take a ton of breaks tomorrow including cello breaks#and then after it's all done on Sunday I am going to R E S T for A THOUSAND YEARS#like I'm actually using my tablet pen on my phone right now because my hands don't want to hold and type it#good thing I already have all the tools I need to handle my carpal tunnel when it's at its worst though#better to be prepared than not#anyway. regardless of my arms. I have made a thing and I am so excited to unleash it upon the world
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I need things to stop HAPPENING
#nothing's wrong i just seem unable to catch my breath#i work for eight hours and then i have something almost every night when i get home#movie nights or social nights or volunteering nights or nights where i just can't do anything because i had therapy that day#don't get me started on weekends#i volunteer for 2-4 hours on Saturday mornings and i have hangouts on Saturday afternoons and DND on Sundays#and that's without counting any of the many variable things that i may attend on a Saturday#pride is this weekend and don't get me wrong I'm really looking forward to going#but i need like 3 days where i sit in my house and no one asks me to go anywhere#i want to make as many of the volunteer things as i can bc it only happens for about 18 weeks out of the year and there's only 12 left#what about Thursday and Friday you ask? Thursday is also volunteering#because that is when the miniature horses have their classes and what am i supposed to do? NOT go help with miniature horses???#fridays are usually clear except for the occasional hangout#i don't know why i can't seem to keep a balance in my life#es dificil#anyway i have to leave for work thirty minutes early today so i can make it to the barn in time to get the minis ready#yesterday i had to leave two hours early because i had an anxiety attack that lasted well over two hours and persisted through a nap#where is the balance.... i enjoy doing all these things... but my energy doesn't....#anyway i need a rich person to decide I'm entertaining and sponsor me so i only have to work part time and i can do my funny little arts#that seems realistic right?
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also I was hoping that today with all three cake decorators in we could get a decent stockpile going so that tomorrow when I'm by myself on christmas eve I could maybe leave early (since you don't want to overproduce if you're closed the next day), but the decorator that booked off both christmas eve and boxing day called in sick today 🤔 so now the place is barren and I'm starting from basically complete scratch tomorrow
#I spent all day on orders pretty much (usually how it is on weekends) so it was supposed to be two of them filling the showcase#and making extra stuff for me the next day when I'm alone#one can't/won't (? not sure which) work sundays and the other booked it off so I'm alone tomorrow#and tomorrow is going to be another all day orders so sorry if you wanted cake there won't be any#and I can't even be lazy about it bc I work alone on boxing day too so I'm just screwing myself over#I haven't had christmas eve or boxing day off since I've started working here. I was told you aren't allowed to book off christmas eve#I think next year I might request them off. treat myself#we desperately need another part time decorator that will work sundays bc I'm by myself every week#and sundays often have just as many orders as saturdays#and on sunday the case is always empty because people buy everything saturday evening#so this weekend is just the usual I guess except saturday was the 23rd which is always the busiest day of the year so it is extra bad
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Chapters: 14/? Fandom: Dangan Ronpa Series, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc Rating: Mature Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Kirigiri Kyoko/Naegi Makoto, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Asahina Aoi & Fukawa Toko & Hagakure Yasuhiro & Kirigiri Kyoko & Naegi Makoto & Togami Byakuya Characters: Kirigiri Kyouko, Naegi Makoto, Other Character Tags to Be Added, Asahina Aoi, Fukawa Touko, Togami Byakuya, Hagakure Yasuhiro Additional Tags: Angst, Horror, Psychological Horror, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Supernatural Elements, Ghosts, Grief/Mourning, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Blood and Injury, Fire, Trauma Series: Part 1 of Fire's Ghost Makoto AU
Individual chapter link:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/45707584/chapters/118583371
#makoto naegi#kyoko kirigiri#aoi asahina#byakuya togami#fires ghost makoto au#A day late because I'm a dumbass who forgot how days work#In my defense it was a bank holiday so the stores were all ok Sunday times and I got mixed up#Hope you enjoy#I know atleast 1 person has been waiting for this scene for a while
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to everyone who sent things in my askbox, keep in mind that i now have (slave) work and my hours are awful which is why i'm so slow with them, i apologize in advance for how late i am 😭💜
#kelin talks#i work from tuesday to sunday from 2pm to 10/11pm... so yeah 🥲#i'm SO SO sorry guys... if i could i would write them all day but in the morning i sleep until late because of how tired i am...#in 5 months... THERE'S NO WAY I'LL STAY THERE FOR LIFE SO YEAH I'M GONNA SEARCH FOR ANOTHER JOB IN THE MEANTIME#god... guys... some of you can come here and save me from the slavery??? 😭🙏🏻💜
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💛🧡🤎
(for the ask game 🤗)
💛 Do you have any piercings?
no i personally am anti needles for no reason so it will not be happening to me
🧡 A color you can’t stand?
there's a very specific reason why it's yellow but currently it's yellow lmfao
🤎 What color is your hair?
it's blue babey though currently also this truly delightful sunbleached green because i truly haven't had time to fix it
#my boss the other day was like 'have you thought maybe it's time to redo the blue'#like sir you have me here from four in the morning until dusk#what kind of opening hours do you think hair salons have#am i supposed to go home and try not to fall asleep while the dye sits? what a delightful evening#and now it's sunday and i'm still working so like xD#'oh roo take an afternoon off' who is going to feed the nags cause i tell you now#the other girl will be there all night#anyway this isn't a rant xD#funny that hair came up twice in two days here#it's also relevant because today is a Big Day and i'm going on tv with my hair in possibly its ugliest colour stage#but it's okay#my horse is very well shampooed hopefully he'll blind the cameras
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I fear I've made a grave mistake
#covid was going around at work so i made sure to keep my N-95 on at all times and use proper ppe with any covid resident#because i was Not gonna get sick befote comic-con#and i didn't!#but comic-con's over and i think i might have caught covid during the convention 😬#fortunately my sunday cosplay was quite literally a giant box with a hole over the eyes so i doubt i really passed it on then#but i wasn't wearing a mask (despite being very aware that i could end up getting covid because it's a huge crowd of people)#and i am realizing that was a Mistake#I'm only feeling a little gross so far but it's making me remember how much covid sucked#(not as bad as the flu tho so at least there's that?)#and wearing a mask would have been so much less uncomfortable than that constant headache and sore throat#I'm gonna hopefully get tested tomorrow and obviously I'll wear a mask if i leave the house even if it's negative just to be safe#but next year i think I'll probably make some cute lil masks to match my cosplays#because this was A Mistake™#(and it was a fairly shitty weekend too because apparently i only catch covid on shitty days)#(the first time i got it was - i think - from watching Morbius in theaters because it was the only place i didn't mask up bc snacks)#(so i guess i just gotta stop making bad decisions and having bad days)#okay I'm going to bed so i can wake up and get tested and hopefully find out I'm wrong 🤞
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