#because i'm not picking fights with strangers on internet

[sadlynotthevoid]

I think I finally figured out the reason why I don't like Tim Drake. That is:

He gives me Denzel Crocker vibes.

Like, a slightly less unsuccessful young version of Crocker. Which feels just wrong.

Crocker's— and therefore Tim's— level of success should be non-existent. Failure.

Yes, he's right. That doesn't make him any less crazy.

[genderqueerdykes]

now more than ever it's blatantly obvious that people go out of their way to erase trans men from communities and queer history. it's always been happening, but it's way easier to watch it in real time now thanks to the internet and social media. we are watching people basically gloating that they misgender trans men and don't see them as men. we are now watching people kick trans men out of queer spaces because they are often "femme and them" or "nonbinary and woman" support groups, conflating nonbinary identities with womanhood, and denying trans men or transmasc nonbinary people places to go. many of them get told that their presence would "scare" the lesbians, women and enbies because they have trauma.

where do the trans men with trauma go, though? we can't go anywhere. when i was struggling with domestic violence that ended up destroying my right leg, i was denied shelter in queer spaces and even women's spaces even though i have F on license. domestic violence shelters especially will turn trans men away if we pass. even if we partially identify as women, we can't go in because 'our voices are deep and scary and we're loud and aggressive and threatening and might prey on the defenseless scared women'

finding transmasc support groups is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. i've seen numerous organizations across the US have transfemme support groups, nonbinary/genderqueer support groups, and then nothing for transmascs. where the hell do we go when they won't let us go anywhere?

we try to exist online and they try to erase us from here, too. bickering and arguing about how we're not real men, sending trans men death and sexual assault threats, acting like they're saviors for kicking out the "dangerous ugly men" from the queer community, as if we don't belong to it at all.

i refuse to be erased. i refuse to sit in silence while people tell me my problems don't matter because now i "have male privilege". I don't. once people find out what my legal name is they view me as a woman. strangers however view me as a cis man and will deny me help, either through programs, or because i'm a "strong young man, i should be able to pick myself up by my boot straps." i'm not white. i'm not abled.

i'm proud to be a trans man and i will be here to fight for other trans men's rights to have a platform to speak, and spaces to occupy. i will not rest until trans men & mascs have safe places to be and meet other trans men.

trans men are queer. we belong here. we are taking up the space we rightfully deserve and we are not leaving.

[icycoldninja]

Can you write the DMC boys with a reader who’s extremely wary, if not, straight up paranoid around men?

Like on the surface, you can see that she’s seemingly chill around men, but internally, she’s shitting herself due to how uncomfortable she is around them

To sum up how badly paranoid she is around them, I can give you some examples:

- If she gets called by someone whom she knew is a man, she’ll most likely would not pick up because she can’t tell a difference between a kidnapping scenario and a normal phone call -> leads to her sometimes not picking up their phone calls ( intentionally) unless someone else whom she trusts is beside her to rescue her

- If a man ask her to accompany them to somewhere else, she would internally panic because she thinks to herself “Should I propose to going out in public so incase he did try to kill me, I can easily scream for help?!”; “Will he ask me out?! How would he react if I reject him?! Will he orchestrate a plan to kidnap me and rape me?!” ; etc when in reality, that man could be asking for her help, shining the flashlight so he could fix his car easily -> leads to her only hanging out with the boys in public or anywhere that has the presence of other people, which means, not a lot of privacy between both of them

- If the boys and the reader sleep together, she would lowkey be ecstatic but mainly paranoid as hell, to the point where she could imagine 100 kinds of scenarios in which the boys could be taking advantage of her when she sleeps so she secretly hides a dagger underneath her pillow and pretend to fall asleep so the boys do not grow suspicious of her. In reality, she’s very much awake and alert, staring at them eyes wide open, not dare blinking asleep with a dagger close to her heart, ready to fight back -> her having sleepless nights and grows extremely exhausted much to the boy’s confusion, wondering how tired she must be even though they do saw her falling asleep ( presumably )

-If she had to walk home alone, she would hold her precious Swiss knife close to her heart, ears and eyes always be on the lookout for even a faint sound or image, ready to strike and would stare down at a man across the street to back off and leave her alone, even when the man could be minding his own business -> leads to her being too independent sometimes and not wanting to accept their help taking her home because she thinks they would take advantage of her as well which honestly dishearten them

-She always carry around a pack of condom in case if she did unfortunately get 🍇’d, she can still prevent sex-related diseases and unwanted pregnancies

That affects their live life a lot because they felt that they’ve never been connected to the reader as she always seemingly repulse from them. It isn’t until they saw how comfortable she is around women and uncomfortable around (not only them) other men as well

That leads to them coerce her into answering them, not straight up being a pushover did she sobs and told them

P/S: That’s how I act around men and I can’t help myself….It’s exhausting because I can’t feel connected to anyone and have genuine friendships and relationships with someone of the opposite gender without coming up with multiple scenarios of how they would kidnap me, torture me, sa’d me

I'm so sorry to hear that. I know my words are meaningless since I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I hope you can heal from whatever is causing this, because as someone who has a father and brother, I can tell you not all men are like that, only the real trashy ones. Hope you enjoy.

Sparda boys + V x Paranoid!Reader headcannons

¤ Dante ¤

-Dante doesn't understand why you're so paranoid. He knows he might come off as intimidating to some, but he's not a bad guy, trust him!

-He won't push you to hang out with him because he's sure that if he gives you space, you might warm up to him.

-This only partially works, as you don't ever want to go anywhere with him unless other people will be around, which made it really hard to establish a relationship.

-Dante refuses to give up, though, and kept trying, mostly communicating with you over the phone, even though you rarely picked up. Most people would have just given up and left you to your devices, but he refuses to let that happen.

-When you guys eventually establish a relationship and sleep together for the first time, you're still paranoid as hell and keep your knife under your pillow. Of course, once Dante starts cuddling up to you, your fear starts to dissipate.

-Indeed, for while Dante could easily snap your neck in half, he would never do such a thing. He loves you with all his heart and does nothing but try to protect and soothe you, even when you resist.

■ Vergil ■

-Vergil understands he is a very imposing man, so he does not question your fearfulness. He leaves you be, not wanting any drama, and just some quiet time so he can read his book.

-You got a lot of encouragement from the DMC girls to go up and talk to him, but you always refused. At some point, the whole DMC staff had to go on a giant mission, and since everyone would be there, you figured it would be safe to go too.

-It took Vergil saving your life from a particularly nasty creature for you to understand that he is looking out for you, even if he never shows it.

-You're still very on edge around him, especially at home, but after watching you take your knife with you to the bathroom, Vergil decided to put an end to all that and sit you down on the couch before explaining that he has never even thought about harming you in any way.

-It's unlikely you'll be getting over this fear anytime soon, but at least you can rest a little easy knowing Vergil isn't going to try anything without asking you first.

-And when he said he'd ask for permission, he meant about everything, he might as well ask if he can breathe the same air as you.

□ Nero □

-Nero was recommended to you by Nico, whom you trust. She gave him glowing reviews, and even dragged you over to say hi.

-Nero was informed beforehand about your paranoia and did his best to make you feel comfortable, though that was very difficult.

-You guys only hang out when Nico and Kyrie are around, but still, you managed to create a pretty strong friendship.

-You still refused to pick up the phone when he called or answer any of his texts, but you guys managed to make it work, somehow.

-When you guys finally get into a relationship, you're still pretty nervous, but Nero is so nice and protective of you, you can't help but wonder if your fears are no longer necessary.

-He really is the sweetest boy in the world, and may be the key to healing you.

● V ●

-V is not like other guys, literally. He has a talking bird that encourages you to say hi, always whispering things in your ear.

-Yes, you're terrified and uncomfortable beyond comprehension, but V just doesn't seem that bad. He actually looks harmless.

-Griffon is constantly assuring you V wouldn't do anything to hurt you, because he can't really fight without his familiars, and according to Griffon, all his familiars love you.

-You are still extremely wary and keep your knife about you at all times, even when you get into a relationship and all that.

-V is such a sweetheart, though, doing his best to make you feel loved and comfortable, not trying anything unless you want him to.

-When you need space, V will give you space, no hard feelings, no worries.

[tangledinink]

Chapter Seven of I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? is out! Just normal teenage boys doing normal teenage things. :) Read it on ao3 or below the cut.

[ prev ]

It had been three days now since they last saw their dad.

On the first night, over and over, everyone kept saying, ‘I’m sure he’ll be home any minute. He’s more than capable of defending himself. He wouldn’t just disappear. Any second now,’ and the only reason that Mikey had been able to get himself to sleep that night was because he thought that maybe when he woke up again, Dad would be back. He wanted to just skip forward to the good part. But then when he woke up, the good part wasn’t there.

The following morning, Mrs. O’Neil was in the kitchen making breakfast, with the blankets all folded up neat on the couch as if she hadn’t slept there that night. April helped set the table, as if this were normal, as if she hadn’t slept on a bean bag in the Lair, as if they were meant to be here and it made sense for them to be carefully preparing for a big pancake breakfast instead of wolfing down bagels and granola bars in a chaotic frenzy, attempting to make it out the door on time.

It wasn’t like Mikey didn’t appreciate it. He did. It was nice, the gentle looks, the backrubs, the hugs… But it felt weird. Alien, almost. And yet, even with things being so starkly different, even with the five of them staying home from school, staying home from activities, in this absolute jarring contrast to their normal routine, at the same time, there were still these moments that felt so… untouched. Leo and April made bad puns when the opportunity arose like they always did. Raph physically picked up and moved them when they were in his way or getting on his nerves, like usual. Donnie took the time to check up on all of his houseplants, watering anyone who needed it. Some memes were sent to the group chat. Leo and Raph got in a fight over the last raspberry popsicle in the freezer. 

There were moments where Mikey could almost look around and pretend like everything was normal. Dad just wasn’t home right now, and that was all. There were all these beats and steps that just weren’t colored by this horrible thing at all, in this weird way that Mikey wasn’t expecting.

But just on the surface level.

Because no. Dad isn’t just out getting groceries or meeting with an agent or picking up takeout. Dad isn’t here. And they don’t know where he is. 

They had already discovered, on that very first night, that Dad’s cell phone was left in his bedroom. They had obviously all tried texting and calling him about eighty times each, with no response, and eventually found the phone, plugged into its charger on his nightstand. They tried guessing the passcode, but none of them knew it, so they had all looked at Donnie. They said that they would figure it out and pocketed the device. And aside from coming down to care for their plants and grab some banana pancakes, they hadn’t been down from their room since.

They spent most of the first day making calls. They contacted everyone that they could think of. Dad’s agent, his lawyers, any friends or acquaintances he knew. They called each and every one of his dojo locations. Anyone whose number they could find who they had ever known to speak with Dad, they contacted, asking them if they had seen him, heard from him, had anyone idea who the masked guy could be? And over and over they heard, no, sorry. We haven’t seen him. We haven’t heard from him. We don’t know anything about this stranger. We’ll keep an eye out and let you know right away if anything changes. Dead end. Dead end. Dead end.

They texted people, they sent emails, they combed the internet for anything that might be helpful, but they didn’t find anything. The whole group, Mrs. O’Neil and even Donnie included (Mrs. O’Neil, I mean, Carol, made them come. Mikey thought that it was probably because they were nervous about anyone being alone after… you know,) took multiple walks around the neighborhood, the neighborhood next over, and the neighborhood next over to that, looking for any sign of their father.

On the second day, Mikey made posters, and they started hanging those up when they did their walks. Word was starting to spread, and Mikey kept getting texts on his phone-- friends from school, friends from dance, friends from sports, friends of friends… At first, Mikey would reply to all of them. Would say, oh, thank you so much for reaching out, we really appreciate it, please, if you see him at all, let us know… But that rapidly became exhausting. After the first ten, Mikey took to just copy-and-pasting the same message asking them to look, along with an image of the poster he had made. And even just that was exhausting. What was he supposed to say? ‘Everything is horrible and I have no idea how I’m feeling right now, I’m just overwhelmed and terrified-- thanks tho, melting face emoji?’

Donnie got into Dad’s phone but didn’t find anything useful. They sent out emails and texts to every contact he had saved, even though they didn’t recognize half of them, and posted on every social media that he had. All four of them posted on their social media, too. Mikey made a TikTok video reaching out to 350k of his followers. He kept all his notifications on, hoping and waiting that someone would message him telling him that they had seen him and he was okay… but it didn’t come. There was a flood of empathetic comments, of thoughts and prayers, of heart emojis. But nothing that would help them. He and his brothers posted on every Lou Jitsu fan forum that they could find, but they got much of the same there, too.

And now it had been three days. Three days was a long, long time. Ever since that first night, Mikey couldn’t really sleep. He knew his siblings couldn’t, either, and he anxiously fussed over them whenever he could, trying to encourage them to get some rest. Especially Leo. He hardly ever slept even on a good day-- now he kind of just seemed more and more like a wreck as time passed. All of them did. 

It was on the third day that Mrs. O'Neil got a phone call. Well-- she had been on the phone on-and-off ever since she got here that first night, making calls and taking them, even more than they had. But this phone call, in particular, went a little like this:

"Hello?" 

"Yes, this is she,"

"What?"

"No, I'm sorry,"

"No."

"Yes, I'm absolutely certain. No. No, we're not accepting any interview requests right now. I'm not sure you do understand. With all due respect, I'm not putting any of these kids on TV right now. Yes, I'm quite sure."

"Yes."

"You have a great day, too. Goodbye."

Mikey knew that all four of his siblings were listening, but Leo was the first one to speak once Carol hung up the phone.

"Who was that?" 

"A reporter," Carol sighed in response. They had barely exchanged five words and she already seemed exhausted with this conversation.

"What did they want?"

Carol pursed her lips. "They were asking about doing a live interview or bringing you guys on their talk show. I told them we weren't interested."

"Why would you tell them that?"

"Because we're not."

"Uhm. Maybe you're not," Leo corrected, his brows furrowing. "Why the hell can't I do an interview? I can do interviews! I've done interviews before! I'm great at interviews."

"It's not a good idea, Leo," Carol said, putting her phone down, turning her attention back to her laptop in front of her, beginning to type again. Oof. That was gonna piss Leo off.

"Why not?!" Leo demanded, growing pissed off. "I've done interviews before! I've done live shows! I could totally handle this! Besides, we're trying to get the word out to as many people as possible. What if someone saw the interview and knew where Dad was? This could help!"

"This isn't up for debate, Leo. I'm not putting any of you kids on a talk show right now."

"Why is it your decision!? I'm the one who would be on the show! Why don't I get to decide?"

"Because I'm the adult," Carol was just a step away from snapping, but her voice was hard, definitive. "I just said this isn't up for debate. I'm sorry, but it's off the table. It's not a good idea."

Mikey looked nervously at his brother, wondering if he should say something. Raph looked like he was about to, but Leo huffed, rolling his eyes and getting to his feet. "Fine," he hissed in reply, promptly moving to the front door and beginning to put on his shoes.

 "Where are you going?" Carol questioned, frowning a bit.

"Gymnastics."

"Leo--"

"I'm sick of sitting around here not doing anything! It's driving me crazy. We have gymnastics practice right now. I'm going to gymnastics. Mikey, are you coming?"

Mikey jumped when eyes shifted to him, floundering for a second. If he was being totally honest, he wasn't exactly in a gymnastics mood, but... he knew that Mrs. O'Neil wasn't gonna let Leo go by himself. And there was no way he was gonna convince Donnie to even leave his room, let alone go to gymnastics practice. Maybe... it would be good? Get his mind off of things?

"Yeah. Uh. I'll come. Let me grab my stuff. Hang on," he said, jumping to his feet and scampering off to grab their gymnastics bags-- packed and ready to go in the hallway, like they always were, like they didn't know anything was wrong. 

"Leo, I don't know if this is--"

"I'm not going alone, Mikey is with me. There's gonna be adults there. We'll get a taxi cab home when it gets dark. I'm not gonna sit here twiddling my thumbs anymore. I'm gonna go insane." Leo spoke over her, and Mikey thought privately to himself that that was rather ballsy. Leo must really be upset because usually none of them would dare interrupt Mrs. O'Neil. He hurried to get his shoes on, hoping that they could escape before things got too heated. Sorry April, sorry Raph. 

"Ready, Mikey?"

"Yeah… yeah, I'm ready. Let's go." 

---

April was trying really hard to be patient with her brothers right now, 'cause she knew that they were having a hard time. I mean, if either of her parents went missing, she'd probably be behaving less than her best, too. Raph was clingier than ever, and April had had to talk him off the metaphorical ledge about five times now, Donnie had turned into a total hermit, even by Donnie standards, Leo was honestly being kind of a brat, and Mikey was...

Ugh. God. Mikey. He was such a sweetheart. He was killing himself, April could tell. Even more than she was killing herself right now. She would have to corner him later. Right after she cornered Leo.

And kicked his ass.

Look, she got where he was coming from, but did he really need to tick her mom off like that!? And then leave her to deal with it?! She knew her mom was mostly just worried, (and, okay, maybe also kind of peeved, but April could only kind of blame her,) but that didn't make it any more pleasant. And once she managed to settle her down, she had to deal with Raph, too. 

 If her mom was freaked out, then Raph was about ready to lose his mind. April half thought he was gonna take off after Leo and Mikey on foot any second now. April sank into the couch next to him, bodily draping herself over his lap to make sure he didn't go anywhere.

"Hey Big Guy," she said, blinking up at him, forcing a half-hearted smile. "How you holding up?"

"Me?" Raph said, just barely glancing down at her before his eyes snapped away again, anxious and flighty. "I'm fine. Raph's fine. How are you holding up?"

God, they were all so predictable. April privately thought that self-sacrifice must be a Hamato tradition. It was simply a question of which one of them could outdo the rest.

"You're a bad liar. You're as bad as Mikey. As bad as Donnie."

"What?!" Raph squawked in protest. "I am not as bad as Donnie! No one's as bad as Donnie!"

"Okay, well, maybe not that bad," April relented. "Leo and Mikey are gonna be fine. They're taking the subway in broad daylight. They're only gonna be, like, ten minutes away. They both had their phones and they already said they'll take a taxi cab home. It's okay."

"I know," Raph said, wrinkling up his nose. "It's just-- I mean. What if somethin' bad happens to 'em? And I'm not there to help?" 

"You know it's not your fault, right?"

There was a telling silence.

"Raph. It's not your job to protect your Dad from creepy stalker fans. And you couldn't have done anything."

"I know," Raph relented, frowning a little. And it wasn't that April didn't believe him, but... There was a difference between knowing and knowing. April knew that perfectly well. Raph might be the biggest brother, but she was the biggest sister, and... okay, she wasn't gonna sit here and delude herself into thinking that she could have physically stopped that guy if she had just moved a little faster. She wasn't a martial arts champion like the rest of them, (even if she did have a mean left hook and an even meaner softball swing.) But she hated... watching them fall apart. She hated watching all of them shrivel up under the stress. She hated that she couldn't fix this for them... Or at least make it a little easier.

And she was worried too. Mr. Hamato might not be her dad, exactly, but... this was her family, too. She had known Yoshi since she was five! She used to spend every afternoon after school at their house, and they would spend the weekends at hers. She couldn't even count how many slumber parties and sleepovers they had had over the years. Raph, Donnie, Leo, and Mikey were like her brothers, and Yoshi was, like... her weird uncle or something.

She really hoped he was okay. And that he'd be back soon.

"Nothing bad is gonna happen. They'll go to gymnastics, they'll blow off some steam, they'll come home, and maybe Leo will be less of a headache for the rest of the evening." She said with a sigh. "Maybe he's got a point! You guys aren't used to being cooped up for so long."

"I guess," Raph said, seeming unconvinced, though he leaned back a little into the cushions, slumping a bit. April would take even the littlest victory. 

"You could probably use a distraction too."

"Mmm..."

"Sooo... You could paint my nails for me? I'll paint yours back." She offered, raising a brow. He had to take the bait here. This always worked. The boys loved getting their nails painted. Especially Raph, since he was so bad at doing his own. He was okay if he was working on someone else, but if it was a solo project, that right hand just never quite turned out right.

It took a moment, and for a moment April thought he might actually turn her down, but eventually, he sighed and relented. "Okay, fine," he agreed. "But Raph gets to pick the colors this time."

Thank god for small miracles. He could pick whatever color he wanted.

---

Mikey had never noticed how loud the gym was before.

Usually, it didn't bother him. But today? It was just... so much noise. Every thump of a landed flip echoing through the padded floor, reverberating, every shout, every stomp, every clap of chalk on hands... It seemed to travel right through his bones.

He was waiting for it to wear off. 

Their instructor had seemed... surprised to see them, especially since they had gotten there a half-hour late, but hadn't protested or turned them away, much to Mikey's relief. Well, initially it had been relief, but now he wasn't so sure. Usually, he adored gymnastics. It was easily one of his favorite hobbies, (tied between ballet, painting, cooking, yoga, hip-hop, and skateboarding,) but there was something... off today. Every movement seemed just a beat behind reality, as if he himself were lagging somehow, like the connection was slow. His head felt fuzzy.

Every second they were here felt so odd. Everyone was just... working. Doing gymnastics. Practicing back-flips and floor routines. Mikey wanted to scream at everyone. How could they all just act like this when their dad was missing? How could they pretend like things were okay and just keep moving through life? Every person they passed on the walk here, every passenger on the subway, the receptionist at the front desk, he wanted to grab them by the front of their shirts and wail to them and explain everything. 

How could people just live? How could so many people just not know that their dad was gone and might not ever come back?

Mikey had been working on his high bar routine for almost forty minutes now, and he still wasn't getting it right. Usually, this was easy. It wasn't even that hard of a routine, not compared to some of the other things he had done before. But every single time he made another go at it, he missed a beat or moved the wrong way, his brain blanking out on the next step, and he'd have to start over again, gritting his teeth and telling himself he'd get it right this time. The chalk on his hands itched. He was forming a blister. Blisters had never bothered him before.

His coach was being so patient. So sweet, repeatedly telling him it was okay, he could just try again, but it wasn't okay. He wanted to yell at her, too, that they both knew he could do better than this. But he didn't. He just thanked her and nodded his head and kept going.

Leo was over at the vault. He could see him from here. From what he could see, he was doing fine. He wasn't missing any turns or freezing up or losing his balance. He was doing great. His routine looked perfect. Why was he doing so perfect? What was wrong with him? If the problem wasn't Dad, if it wasn't affecting Leo, then it had to be--

Mikey's hand missed the bar. He never missed the bar. He didn't swing far enough and his hand didn't make contact. 

He missed. He fell.

He never fell.

It didn't hurt. They had all this matting for a reason-- for exactly this reason, in fact. There wasn't even any heavy thud of contact, no wind got knocked out of him, he just flopped sadly down on his back on the padding, bouncing a tiny bit, staring up at the bars above him.

He fell down. He never fell down. He missed. He never missed the bars. 

He knew he needed to get up. He should try again. If he didn't move, people would worry, or think he was hurt or something. But every time he told himself to sit up, his body didn't quite listen. 

After a few minutes of staring at the ceiling, his older brother's face came into view. He had been expecting a coach. He wasn't sure if Leo was better or worse.

"Well that wasn't very razzmatazz," Leo remarked with a grin, leaning over and offering a hand to the other. "Here, c'mon. I'll help you up."

Mikey sniffled a tiny bit. His body didn't listen when he told it to grab Leo's hand, either.

"I wanna go home," he finally got his mouth to move.

"What?" Leo immediately protested. "Oh, come on, little brother, we just got here. We've still got two hours left of gym time! You love gymnastics. You're not gonna let one little fall get to you, are ya?"

"I wanna go home," Mikey repeated, because he didn't know what else to say. His voice sounded horrible. What was the matter with him? This wasn’t even what he wanted to be saying. He didn't want to talk to Leo like this. He did love gymnastics. This wasn't him! He didn't act this way. Why was he acting this way? He blinked rapidly, hoping that it would help somehow.

He didn't want to look at Leo anymore, so he didn't. But he heard him sigh. He felt the gym mat shift as Leo slowly moved to lay down next to him, until both of them were staring up at the ceiling like silly little animals stuck on their backs, unable to flip back over.

Like...

I dunno, like beetles or something.

"We can go home if you want to, Mikey," Leo said, and Mikey hiccuped softly, wrinkling up his nose.

"Sorry," he bit out. "... We c-can stay if you want. I can stay."

"Nah. It's fine. We should go home," Leo repeated, finding Mikey’s hand and squeezing it shortly. "Sorry. For dragging you out."

Mikey shook his head, sniffling a bit. Ugh, crying on your back sucked. His nose was all full of gunk. 

"I like gymnastics," he said weakly, and Leo laughed.

"Yeah, I know. That's 'cause you're really good at it."

Mikey nodded kind of numbly, crossing his arms over his chest, clinging to himself slightly. 

"Everyone is acting like nothing's wrong," Mikey whispered.

"Yeah," Leo sighed through his nose. "It's weird, right? I keep seeing people on the street and being like... Oh my god. They don't even know. They have no idea. And, like, I don't even know what's going on with them, either. Like. You know that lady we sat next to on the subway? I kept thinking, I dunno, maybe her dad went missing once, too, and we don't even know. How much shit do we just not know?"

"Leo, what if he doesn't come back?"

It wasn't like Leo was bad at hugs. It's just that he wasn't as good at hugs as everyone else. There was a very clear ranking, and yes, Mikey did keep track, like a reasonable person. At the very top of the ranking, obviously, was Raph. Raph gave the best hugs-- He scooped you up and swung you around and you got all squished and squeezed in the best way possible. Absolutely top-tier. Second best hugs were Dad, because, well, they were Dad Hugs. Dad Hugs had a special quality to them. He really didn't think he had to explain himself any further. Next up was Donnie, not necessarily because Donnie was good at hugging or anything, but just because he was so rarely down for hugs that every time he got one it was special. It felt like he was winning something-- especially since he got Donnie hugs more than anyone else in the family. April hugs were next, because while she gave really good hugs, and she always let him cling to her for as long as he wanted, her glasses could be a bit pokey at times. And then Leo brought in the rear-- not because he was bad at them, but just because the competition was so stiff.

But this was a really, really good hug. Two really's.

The absolute second Leo had him wrapped up in his arms, Mikey just dissolved into sobs, before he even had a proper chance to try not to. He was just so tired of feeling scared like this. If Dad wasn't going to come back, could they just know already?! He hated waiting. He hated not knowing! He just wanted to tear the band-aid off so that he could mourn and then get better. This was worse than their Dad being dead, he thought to himself. He almost wished that he was just dead, and that this could at least be over. Wasn't that horrible...? How could he feel that way?

 He was pretty sure Leo was crying, too, but he couldn't really tell for sure. He was clinging way too tight to see anything. 

"It'll be alright, Mikey." Leo's voice was muffled, but he could hear him all the same. "We'll be okay. Dad would never stay away from us on purpose. We'll figure it out."

---

They had been getting a lot of takeout since Dad went missing. No one really felt like cooking-- not even Mikey, and Leo couldn't even blame him. He wouldn't wanna cook, either. He barely even wanted to eat. And there was pizza in front of him. That was a big deal.

 This was their third Jupiter Jim movie marathon night in a row, but Leo wasn't the least bit excited. He was trying hard to pretend like he cared about which title they put on, to keep up with all the running jokes they had, to pay attention, but his heart wasn't in it. No one else's was, either, he knew. They hadn't even been able to convince Donnie to come out of his room and join them since the first night, much to his frustration.

 It was all just distraction. They were just smoke-screening themselves to pretend like everything wasn't awful, and frankly, Leo wasn't even sure who it was benefitting anymore. Clearly not Mikey. He had gotten it back together by the time they started heading home from gymnastics and had made Leo swear to secrecy, insisting that he 'didn't wanna worry anyone.' Leo had told him that that was stupid, that everyone was already worrying anyway, and pretending like he was fine wasn't gonna make a difference, but if he was being honest, he and the rest of the family rarely won any arguments against Mikey, so... 'keep it between them' it was. 

It was stupid. He wasn't fooling anyone. None of them were. 

And yet here he was, playing pretend right along with them anyway. He was such an idiot. 

As was rapidly becoming routine, they all stayed up long enough to watch three Jupiter Jim movies while eating whatever dinner had been ordered that night before everyone headed off to bed, saying keywords and phrases like 'I dunno about you guys, but I’m exhausted' and 'it’s getting pretty late,' etc etc, even though Leo was pretty sure no one was sleeping. He certainly wasn't. And he was really trying. He swore he was, but... 

Even under the best of circumstances, sleeping was hard. He had never understood how Dad or Mikey could just fall asleep the way they did, laying their heads down on their pillows and almost instantly drifting off. Sleeping involved so much work, so much effort, that sometimes it just felt easier to call the night a wash, take the all-nighter and go from there. Yes, he had tried meditating. Yes, he had tried Melatonin. He had tried sleep podcasts, white noise machines, drugs, music-- he swore he had tried it all! And none of it fixed the problem. Some of it helped, sure, but nothing consistently guaranteed him a full night's rest. Every night it was just a roll of the dice; a total blind bag. Some nights, he would sleep, and some nights, he wouldn't. It was anyone's guess.

Including his.

He wouldn't have put money on going to sleep that night. But he did.

He had no idea what made him realize that he was dreaming, but at some point, he did. He couldn't even tell you what had been happening before that point, because now, he didn't remember. Had he been outside? It had been cold. It had been dark, and there was water nearby, but he didn't think he had been outside. Somewhere else, but... He wasn't sure where.

But now, he was in their house. Right in their living room. Leo frowned a bit, looking around slowly. It was odd for their house to be this quiet. 

He paused, looking at the family pictures hanging on the walls in abundance. Someone had written something on them in black marker, but he couldn't read it. It was in plain English, but he had no idea what it said. He leaned in a bit closer, narrowing his eyes, trying to translate, when a cry ripped his attention away.

"Blue!"

He knew that voice. Eyes widening, Leo whipped around to face his father-- on the ground not more than five feet away, pinned beneath some hulking stranger with jagged horns erupting from their head, their eyes glowing white and their jaws dripping with foamy blood.

"Dad?! Hang on!" He tried to jump forward, to reach out for him, but his legs wouldn't move. Why wouldn't his legs move?! His dad was right there-- right there in front of him! He could help him! He could save him, so why wasn't anything working?!

"Blue!" The same howl tore through his mind, and Leo hissed, clapping his hands over his ears as if that would help. He didn't want to watch. He didn't want to watch this creature kill his father-- he couldn't do it. 

This is a dream, he reminded himself. You're dreaming. If you don’t want to watch, then you have to wake up. Wake up. Wake up now!

He could see it-- almost feel it-- his own body laid out on his bed back in the waking world, curled up on his stomach, his cheek to his pillow. He knew exactly where he was. He could see his room. He knew he was dreaming, so why couldn't he wake up? He couldn't get his body to move at all, repeatedly trying to sit up, to open his eyes, to jolt a limb to the side to no avail. The pitch of the screams shifted higher.

"Come on! Wake up already! I know you can hear me!" He cried, gritting his teeth. He knocked his fists angrily against the side of his head. "Move. We have to move!" He bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, tasting blood, and he wasn't sure if that was his dream self or his actual self. How was he supposed to tell the difference? "Move!"

Leo startled awake, his head jerking upwards and his limbs splaying outward in surprise. The entire house was quiet. Right... because it's the middle of the night. Because he was dreaming.

He had just been dreaming, and now he was awake. It was fine. He was fine.

Slowly, he sat up, running his hands through his hair with a sigh, rolling his head a few times to try to work the stiffness of his neck. He reached for his phone, knowing it would be plugged in on his nightstand, except... It wasn't there. 

 Leo frowned a little bit, wrinkling up his brows. His phone wasn't there. In fact, his nightstand wasn't there either. His bed wasn't even there, he realized with a start. He wasn't in his own room. He was on the floor-- the floor of-- somewhere else in the house, he guessed. How the hell did he get here? Had he sleepwalked? That was new.

 He noted, vaguely, that whatever room he was in wasn't nearly as dark as he would have expected. There was this warm golden-orange glow blanketing the room like a nightlight, and Leo thought vaguely that someone must have accidentally left a desk lamp on or something, turning to take a look.

He had not been expecting to see his youngest brother floating half a foot above his own bed. Nor for him to be glowing.

[capn-rikshu]

I was discussing Earthspark with a friend. In our conversation I said one of my critique is that the Terrans feel… too same, I want more distinct dynamics and personalities from them. At times they blend together.

Here are some of my ideas.

Twitch - The leader of course, to make her stand out I want her to be more "serious" of the bunch. She'll be a bit bossy, maybe she thinks being the leader = bossy, at those times her siblings may not listen to her but when things get dire they will. The show touched on her competitive side a bit but I REALLY want to exaggerate that aspect of her. I also want her to butt heads with Thrash very often much more often than in the show, they could fight over who's leader, who's older. Petty fights, it will seem like they will never get along.

Thrash - Rebellious hedonist, he'll say like 'chill dude relax', less hyper than in the show but definitely more rebellious and looking to get away with things when he can. I think it would be much more distinct if we made Twitch the more hyper one and Thrash the more mellow. But just because he's more calm does not mean he's more mature. Now I'm imagining him sounding like a surfer dude HAHA, well his voice and personality would match the eyebags in his design.

Hashtag - The dickhead sibling of the bunch. She'll have a more cocky personality and overall quite the menace to society, she makes a lot of roasts and jokes. She'll pick on Jawbreaker and when Twitch isn't around she'll use her size to her advantage "I'm the biggest, go do what I say". She'll pull a lot of pranks. Very much a menace. But like an internet troll she's all talk no action, perhaps she shall be a bit of a coward. When she's frightened she goes to little big sister Twitch for help hehe.

Nightshade - The voice of reason... at times. They'll be the goody two shoes, they'll be the teacher's pet, they'll dob on you when you misbehave. But they are a hypocrite because they will barely hesitate to do a dangerous activity when it interests them or if it's for "science" or with Hashtag. When they are with her their sensibilities turn off. The voice of reason and the impulse, and they're the pair of siblings that most hang around each other, incredible dynamic. I imagine them influencing each other.

Jawbreaker - The ingenue. Innocent, cute Jawbreaker. The one that Hashtag will trip over with her foot and the one that is infantilised by his siblings. I see Nightshade doing most of the infantilisation, it would make him feel like a stranger in the triplet trio. He tries to act tough and mature to fit in and get along with his group of 'The Triplets' but Hashtag will just keep picking on him and Nightshade would just be like 'there there, be a good boy, little brother'. He isn't sure if they are purposely excluding him. This may cause bursts of anger.

And here's my first change to canon, instead of Grimlock causing the rampage it will be Jawbreaker. Jawbreaker would feel frustrated because of his constant demeaning by his two siblings and so when he gets taught by this very cool bot he looked up to, Grimlock, and when Grimlock displays his symptoms of being 'not 100 per cent present' because of what Mandroid put him through thus he infantilises and dismisses Jawbreaker like his siblings, Jawbreaker would get very upset. Because why is his idol treating him like his siblings? He'll break ground, scan his alt mode, and because of the dinobot alt mode it makes it harder to control his emotions and so he runs a rampage into town. Now Grimlock, Hashtag and Nightshade must chase after him and try to calm him down and right what they did wrong with him.

This is copied from a conversation.

[midsummer-semantics]

Tagged by @hornedqueenofhell

this is exciting!

divider by @/saradika-graphics

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

37

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

552,698

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Things primarily, but I have written for Harry Potter and Marvel

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

- Free-Use Healthcare - Forehead Kisses - Big Dick Energy™️ - cherry on my lips - Gold Rush

5. Do you respond to comments?

I didn't really respond much in the beginning but I try to respond every time now. Even if it's just a heart or "i loved this," I want everyone to know that I appreciate them taking the time to read AND leave a comment.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

holy palmers' kiss I suppose has the angstiest ending considering it exists in the canonverse. At the very end, Steve thinks "Maybe we can save each other," but we know from a fan perspective that Eddie dies because Steve isn't there to save him that Steve and Eddie live happily ever after.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This is entirely personal opinion because I really only do HEAs lol It's either my big boy The Fool, The World, and Everything in Between because Steddie fight to live as normal a life as possible in the wake of s4 and end up getting engaged at the end, or it's Best friends, ex-friends ‘til the end (better off as lovers) because they bonded, like, a day into being reunited because they were soulmates.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Aside from one comment from someone being marginally racist about how Italians aren't darker skinned (Steve is Sicilian in one of my series and Sicilians are notoriously darker skinned), not really. But I recently heard that some people use priv bookmarks to make sure they avoid reading something again, and while I think that's counterproductive to the bookmark count, I don't really want to know if it's happened to me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yep! Almost exclusively, but I do have a few fics that are smut-free which I'm always surprised by. All Steddie, all gay, and it ranges from soft love-making to filthy, dirty, wet and messy sex.

10. Do you write crossovers?

The only crossover I've written was for Marvel, and that only counts on a technicality that it was a crossover between Eternals and Daredevil.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, but I haven't actually scoured the internet to check. I hope if something was stolen, the people reading it still enjoyed it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think so? I had a HP fic translated into Russian but I never followed up on the website to see if it ever got posted.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

When I wrote the Marvel fic, yes. I was working on and Eternals Ikaris/OFC while my best friend wrote a Daredevil/OFC and my other friend wrote a Jessica Jones/OFC, and we had them all in the same room multiple times.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Steddie, hands down. Nothing has had be in a chokehold quite like this.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

So many, and I've lost interest at the moment in one I was actually posting, but I'm hoping to pick it back up after the Big Bang is finished. Probably with massive re-writes.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm funny, so I would like to say I have a lot of really solid lines in fics that make people laugh out loud. Also my world-building tends to be extensive (so much plot in my porn every damn time), but I don't want to classify that as a weakness so strength it is.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I don't tend to plan things out. I usually have a scene or two in mind and then I write around them and piece it together like Frankenstein's Monster. It's worked out for me so far, but I wish I planned things better sometimes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've done it a few times. For my Italian Steve/Mexican Eddie series I have both boys speaking second languages but not well lol I just make it part of the bit because, like Eddie in this, I also speak Spanish but not well. This is my official request that if you do speak another language that I've written in and it's wrong, feel free to let me know lol

19. First fandom you wrote for?

My Chemical Romance. I was 13. We don't talk about it.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I'm really attached to The Fool, The World, and Everything in Between because it's a chonky boy (107k words) and it took me 9 months to write, but We'd rather be six feet under (than be lonely) is a very close second because I really got to play with Steve's inner monologue there and I think the approach I took to the fake dating trope was really original.

non-pressure tags: @tedewitt @malikat24601 @mojowitchcraft @lexirosewrites

[luckystarchild]

Gummy Bears in a Parked Car

If there's one thing being slightly-more-visible-than-average on TikTok has taught me, it's that anger directed at me from a stranger is only rarely about me at all.

I posted a video about the time I got stuck in traffic and ate too many gummy bears out of boredom and got really sick. 500,000+ views later, one lone viewer is berating me in the comments for "sitting in traffic with [my] eyes closed," commentary peppered with snarky rhetorical questions and all-caps yelling.

Here're the details: I was stopped for 45 minutes just behind the scene of an accident. The car was in park. During that time in the parked car, I shut my eyes for approximately two seconds at a time so I could bite the head off a bear, hide its headless body in my hand, and then try to guess the flavor without seeing the bear. This process takes only slightly longer than a normal blink. The car I'm sitting in was in park for 45 minutes. And you're berating me for closing my eyes?

"No, it doesn't matter that you were stopped," they're saying (and these are direct quotes). "I'm frustrated, and I'm judging you."

....ma'am, are you sure judging someone for eating gummy bears in a parked car is a reasonable reaction to this situation? Are you sure your reaction is proportional, and worth either of our time? Because it's definitely not!

This isn't about me. I don't know what it's about, but a person in a centered frame of mind doesn't get heated over something so small and proceed to fuss at a stranger for eating gummy bears in a parked car.

Moment like these remind me that whenever someone on the internet chooses to bully or berate me over nothing, it's rarely about me. I won't let someone else's unresolved issues ruin my day. Neither should you.

The next time someone pops out of the woodwork to pick a fight over nothing, I hope you think of me.

I hope you think of me and say to yourself, "gummy bears in a parked car," and move on with your day.

This is my gift to you.

[t00thpasteface]

seeing 14 year olds on the internet be intensely voraciously into the exact same fandoms i was into at that age is such a trip. it's like... ooooooh i'm you from the future and also from the past... my advice to any teenagers in my old fandom stomping grounds is this: don't worry about fandom drama because it is eternal and inescapable and you're bickering about the exact same shit that i was bickering about when YOU were a toddler. DO focus on the friendships you make and the reputation you build. those friendships can last a decade or more if you get a reputation for being warm, supportive, and approachable. which you sure as shit won't be if all you do is pick fights and tell strangers to commit toaster in bathtub!

i still have people coming up to me and saying how fondly they remember my old askblogs, and how awesome it is to bump into me again all these years later, and that's because i prioritized genuine human connection over anything to do with the fictional universe that we bonded over. THE CHARACTERS ARE FICTIONAL BUT THE FRIENDS ARE REAL... NEVER FORGET THIS......!!!!!

[theotherwesley]

this isn't new information and i'm not saying anything that hasn't already been said. this is just a catalogue of my anger and despair and grief and frustration.

there are something like 3 million people who all need tens of thousands of dollars/euros to get their families across the only open border into Egypt, which is demanding astronomical fees of each individual person to enter the country. i assume most do not want to go to Egypt, they want to go home, but home is gone and if they stay where they are they will die. international aid is being severely bottle-necked, on purpose. the limited and incredibly poor-quality resources available to them while they wait crowded around the only door out are hot-spots for being murdered. they barely have internet access, most of them have lost everything that ever belonged to them. and the only recourse left to them is to desperately parade their personal agony online to total strangers in a horrible sort of popularity contest to try and convince people on social fucking media to add 20 bucks here and there to their gofundme accounts. --And gofundme having become the defacto way for people to crowdfund their debilitating medical bills and living costs is already one of the most depressing phenomena of the era, but this is a new kind of absurdist hell. millions of people, all equally deserving of life and dignity and justice, crowdfunding their survival while they are actively starving and being murdered (and competing against innumerable spam accounts, because of course they are), fighting for internet access so they can check and see if the rest of the world still remembers them, leaving caveats in their gfm profiles that if everyone in their family dies before their goal is met, the funds will be distributed to other refugees. If I emptied my bank accounts today and sold all my worldly possessions I'd have enough to maybe pay for one person's way to freedom. So why don't I just do that? I want to! How could you possibly compare the value of some electronics or a month's rent to a person's life? But most of what I own is unsellable trash that would take months and months to try and hock. And it's millions of people. All of them need it. Any of them could be killed tomorrow. Who do I give it to? Do I break it up into uselessly small increments? Do I buy into the popularity contest and pick someone based on their Suffering Resume? I'd rather pull out my own intestines. And meanwhile, my own fucking tax dollars are being funneled into the side that's shooting kids through hospital windows.

This is tumblr right now-- doing your daily scroll through fandom memes and self-help tips, regularly interspersed with the most profound human suffering imaginable-- all you can do is try and amplify the number of people who see that suffering in the hope that they, too, can put 15 to 100 dollars towards someone's escape from hell-- all while knowing that seeing too many posts begging for help will (inevitably, unavoidably, regardless of good intentions of viewers or posters) have the opposite effect. And no one on the fucking impoverished-disabled-queers website has any money. We don't have any liquid fucking assets. Even if we did, if we were all sponsored instagram influencers, it is, again, millions of people. who need $5,000 or more per person. per family member's life. it is bailing out a sinking ship with thimbles, while someone else just behind you is gleefully dumping sand in with a truck. obviously it is not enough. obviously there is a vast machine at work grinding up people on one end and millions of operators trying to slowly halt its progress. but you can't NOT DO IT. I'm jewish and i'm american and my identities are being used doubly to justify to this fucking horror, this shame before god and humanity.If I have not weighed in before now it it because I did not feel at all qualified to do so, and that my opinion was a thoroughly unnecessary addition to the noise. But i have to believe that if nothing else, the PR game matters; changing one's awareness of the reality of this situation and not looking away matters because it informs how you respond. It seems like nothing until you meet the people who are NOT looking, who write the whole thing off as "too complicated", and have never updated their fully propaganda-based idea of israel as a nation of victims, and how easily dispelled their justifications really are. It is worse for everyone when you don't look and do not allow yourself to care.

[bythenineshards]

Omg what was up with that Feysand stan on ur post????? ITS JUST A THEORY. (Not to mention a MUCH better pairing) and lol if Feysand was always endgame why in the fck does Rhysie SA Feyre??? Did Sjm do that to build sexual tension (cause Feyre says in Acomaf she had "wanted him even then") AND THAT'S INFINITELY WORSE!!

Lmao they tried to fire up on one of my posts too and I immediately blocked them. Seen them one too many times fighting about posts that's none of their business. Like life is so empty u need to fight with strangers on the internet to feel something. I am literally so mad not them saying Tamlin Apologists deserve to be bullied?!?!? For liking a fictional character????!!

I took personal offence to that

Ha! See! I told you I would respond today. I totally didn't get sucked into Skyrim and my writing and nearly forgot.

Idk what their problem was. They blocked me like the first week I was on here so I didn't think much of them. I knew about them because there would be discourse on posts and an invisible opponent. So I guess they unblocked me to stir shit and idk, get more traffic to their blog? They rebranded with a name that is clearly meant to draw in Antis of Feysand. I think they're like 15 and so I guess they're in their "I'm edgy look at me phase" where they want to pick fights because they think they're always right and special. I'm so glad I didn't grow up with my cringe behavior on the internet.This is why we don't sell erotica or "dark romance" to children. They can't handle speculation or discussions. I bet they cry over Marvel's What If... series because it's not Canon. Like... the post that had them all fired up was speculation about something we have receipts for. And a lot of people liked the idea. All they do is make the books look worse.

And the way they talk about Feyre vs. Nesta is like they think they're written by two different people. This isn't Harry Potter (fuck you Rowling) vs. Twilight (fuck you Meyers). I don't think Feyre gets a free pass to transform into a person of another race just cuz Nesta and Gwyn modelled their stuff after the Valkyries. I think both are bad and icky because the same author wrote both and clearly doesn't see how offensive that could be. I do, however, think that there's a difference between what Feyre did and the Blood Rite. Nesta, Gwyn and Emerie were kidnapped and forced into the Blood Rite. They didn't actually choose to.

Side note though: Valkyries are from Norse mythology. It does chap me that she couldn't use a mythology or create something new for her Illyrians to flesh out their culture. She just used a primarily white culture for her non-white character's culture.

Sorry to rant about that. It just irked me.

I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would ship Feysand the way it's written in Canon. I can with 100% confidence say I've never written a romance that involved anyone SAing anyone. Hell, I don't feature SA at all really. I don't want it in my fantasy. I want people to find peace and love in my books. Men have written enough SA in fantasy, it doesn't need any from me.

But like... if you look at their posts, the reason I don't like Feyre is because I wanted "my fav" to end up with Rhys. They can't fathom that I don't like Rhys at all. I don't like any of her men. They don't appeal to me at all. The only one I might’ve had any inkling of interest in is Kallias but I'm sure if we spent more than a handful of pages with him, I'd hate him too. I think she'd eventually change all of them regardless of appearance to something shallow and toxic.The Bat Boys specifically are boring to me. Their designs suck, their personalities suck and the way they treat their women sucks. Nothing I see in her books is what I would classify as love. Her books aren't about love. They're about sex with hot dudes. But you know what? Other books do romance, love and even just sex better.

I'm glad you blocked them. Just know, they still spy on us.

Thank you for your ask. I hope you're doing well.

[foxymoxynoona]

idk why i’m telling you this but man… i feel extreme humiliation whenever i am out with my mother. she’s so rude to waiters/waitresses or just about anyone working in the service industry. she always speaks to them like they’re beneath her—never saying please or thank you because she thinks “it’s their job to service us and be helpful”. and she always leaves a huge mess on the table and whenever i try to at least stack the dirty dishes and glasses together to make it easier for the busser to pick up she gets furious and goes “this is what they get paid for, why are you doing their job for them?” and she always… litters. she’ll nonchalantly throw used up tissue/food wrapper out on the street and whenever i confront her about it she always goes “someone gets paid to clean that up”.

i don’t know why i never noticed this about her until i’m all grown up and moved out. it always ends in a huge fight whenever i try to talk to her about this appalling ‘karen’ behavior of hers. i always get anxious whenever i go out with her and pray she doesn’t cross the line any further than she already does. it’s so mentally exhausting to always watch out for what she says or does to service folks. i can never relax and i’m always constantly feeling like a shitty person by association even though i really wanna scream that i’m nothing like her, because people always give me this look that says “hey maybe teach your mother dear some manners?” whenever she acts up. and i can never say anything to her about this because she always pulls the “do you want me to die? because you unnecessarily stressing me out like this will certainly lead to that” card.

sorry. i should probably talk to a therapist about this instead of to you, a stranger on the internet.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you at least can find comfort that the reason you didn't notice this until you were a grown up is that you have effectively established your own identity and morales that exist outside of her, and so now you notice the ways in which you are in conflict! You are most definitely not a bad person by association. It's easier said than done to try and impact especially a parents' behavior. I have dealt with similar things with my parents and realizing how helpless I am for their particular struggles.

I totally encourage you to talk to a therapist BECAUSE I very much did and it helped me find specific techniques that actually have improved my relationship with my both my mom and my dad. At the same time, there are some things they are unbudging on and therapy helped me learn how to protect my own sanity in those situations --which in the extreme actually means that my husband's mother is cut completely from our life because it was the only way to stay safe. I've experienced the whooooole spectrum of these relationships and sympathize with how hard it is. The tools you have available for managing it also really vary based on your age and financial dependency and so much more. Hang in there --and know that more people sympathize with this and recognize when you are trying to correct or not condoning her behavior

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Every time I try to bring up support for men, I get called a sexist misogynist and a traitor to my gender. Sometimes even sent paragraphs of women's problems instead or told death threats.

How do you handle people like that? Did you ever feel nervous about making this blog beforehand because of the way men's rights are seen? I'm afraid of being more vocal because I can't handle the hate barrages but I also want men to know they can have support and feel safe when they're in my space without judgement.

I'm not sure if I should prioritize my mental health and safety or someone else's, because both are important, y'know?

I'm sorry for what they've said to you!

I've definitely gotten my fair share of hate. Usually it's the "pick me" or "traitor" nonsense. Other times it's pity. But I have gotten the "you should get raped" or "kill yourself" crap too

I've learned not to respond. It used to bother me a bit. I wasn't used to getting hate. It's different now. At the most, I'll get a bit annoyed. But it honestly doesn't bother me a ton.

I was definitely a bit hesitant at first. I'd already been using tumblr for my fanfiction so I knew how vicious people could be. But the hate part was only a tiny portion. I knew I wanted to do something to help, but I was just unsure if I was the "right" person to do it if that makes sense. Just a lot of self doubt there lol

If you really feel like you wouldn't be able to handle it, then don't. There are other ways to help without dealing with all the hate. Like making sure you're there for the guys you know in real life. Giving them a compliment. Looking at them as more than just walking sex fiends. Stuff like that.

But if you decide to, here are some (hopefully) helpful tips!

Don't respond to hate. Ever. They just want to pick a fight. Ignore it and go on (I know it probably sounds easier said than done but it will be helpful in the long run if you avoid it early on).

I don't know if you have the option for anon asks on for your blog but I highly recommend turning it off if you do. It won't completely take away the hate but it will cut some of it down

Remember that they are just strangers on the internet. Their words mean nothing.

Block people as necessary!

And while I haven't got any death threats personally, I'd wager to say that it's really nothing to worry about. People like to talk and seem tough. I'd definitely block them, though

[dojae-huh]

https://x.com/sijakz_archive/status/1740693531050836257?s=46&t=rTl1nDzicm9BJ7P539UIhw

Mark grabbing Jae’s pc from Doyoung’s hand and it flying back into Doyoung is one of the funniest and most fated things I’ve ever seen lol.

Before I discovered your blog and even now I think I always felt this way also about DoTae; it’s simple things like Doyoung picking the gift that was Tae’s, them ending up as trip mates to Japan I think? Like you know that feeling when two people are meant to be either way or another in each other’s life,sort of destined/fated?

Anyways,since I found your blog (about one month ago maybe?) and I’ve began reading,I’ve also seen this little patterns in JaeDo and it’s so lovely. At first I was like well maybe there was a crush but I don’t know about dating; but since knowing this blog I’ve began rewatching content,especially DJJ content to be more specific (keep in mind I’m a new nctzen,my first 127 comeback was fact check lol) and watching from this POV is just wow,there’s really things that are inexplicable unless they’re dating,if it makes sense? I don’t know how I didn’t notice before but they only make sense or make you begin to question if you go in with this mindset,even if it seems far-fetched at first.

You start to notice their little reactions to e/o,the looks,EVERYTHING. It kinda hits you like a truck lol.

So yeah,I’ve been meaning to send this message for a while now,thank you for your dedication to our JaeDo! (For what it’s worth I was the anon that asked a while back about the JonhDo fight and assumed Dy was going to be relying on Jn during Ty enlistment)

Link

Fans follow the group for years and still don't see JaeDo or TaeDo as even close friends, and with the shipping culture in fandoms and fanservice in k-pop it's natural to be apprehensive of the claims of dating. That's why I always say don't believe me as a stranger on the internet, read what I write and check where I'm pointing at for yourself. Some take years to start to see, you took just a few weeks. Although DJJ was a breath of fresh air after several years.

Individual moments are confusing, it's when you start to see the patterns, how it really is becomes clear.

First impressions are often wrong because we make them having limited information (and because people wear masks). Like with JohnDo, you came in at the time when they finally patched their friendship and was fed the fandom's overly favourable opinion about them.

Both Jaehyun and Doyoung are into soulmates and meeting by destiny.

Jaehyun wanted to act in a re-make of a movie about soulmates. He was casted, but the project was cancelled. He was supposed to play the reincarnation (high school student) of the protagonist's (male, teacher) true love (female, arts college student). The student retained his past-life memories and fell in love with the teacher despite being same-sex. They eloped.

And Doyoung always says how 127 meeting each other was a destiny.

JaeDo story is worthy of ecranisation. When Jae was a child his family moved to US for work, but cameback to Korea. Jae didn't plan to become an idol, but was street casted. Do was going to send his audition tape to multiple idol agencies when he got a confirmation call from SM. They were chosen among all trainess for ShowChamp. Then they were chosen for Tende, despite Jae initially practicing rapping, and t7s unit. Do was supposed to be a part of another unit (not confirmed, but highly speculated), so he didn't debut with 127 at fisrt. Circumstances changed, he was added to 127. There happened to be no homophobes in 127, so JaeDo could start dating without damaging their group. Both are popular members, got BA deals, acting roles, etc. ahead of others, can match each others' success. SM is not a homophobic company, let them even debut in DJJ together.

These pictures were cherry-picked, of course, but enough of them exist to highlight the pattern of third-wheeling. JaeDo tend to stand closer to each other, Jungwoo often does a different gesture, looks in a different direction (he is on his own, not in the bubble), more often than not Woo doesn't put his hand on Jae.

[lockedtombbrainworms]

Oh no a big long politics post that's only tangentially related to what I'm here to post about!

The realisation that there are actually terfs in the locked tomb fandom, who know the books well enough to have actually engaged in some level of analysis of them as texts, is fucking terrifying to me. I should've realised they'd be here, they're everywhere now, but like, it really sucks. Lemme explain... Ten years ago, when I was a recently-out trans woman, I was a lot less afraid of terfs in fandom spaces because they were just another kind of weird internet bigot, like the homophobes and the misogynist nerd bros. They could be a threat, sure, but they were the sort of threat you had a much better chance of avoiding. Now their movement has gained the sort of political traction where they're actually impacting policy and having a tangible negative effect on trans people offline and in the wider online world, the idea of having them in a social space with me fills me with actual fucking dread. I'm no stranger to fighting these fuckers, I've counter-protested them with my friends and my comrades, met them in the street when they came to my town and said "not here or anywhere, not now or ever". I'm not coming from the perspective of someone who thinks terfs are these incomprehensible eldritch horrors that will rend me asunder without me being able to do anything about it. I'm just pissed off because I don't like having to watch out for terfs in my fucking downtime when I'm on tumblr reading about my fucking blorbos and their gay little adventures with swords and necromancy.

Drive that shit out. Stand together and don't let your friends slide down the rabbit hole. The terf ideology is melding with the far right and it's not just trans people they've got their sights on. They're after all of us, and they try to pick people off and radicalise them against the rest of us, because if we're divided we don't stand together against them and they can run right over us.

I've been seeing this shit for ten years and it isn't always the cartoonishly obvious fuckery like "hey, the trans movement is making my daughter think she's a boy, how disgusting".

It starts with trying to demonise queers for anything - for the way we dress, the way we act, the way we talk, the way we fuck, the way we love. It works its way in through feminism, by saying "how dare these gay men make a mockery of womanhood through drag and then expose our children to such misogyny", or "how can you support women selling their bodies in the sex industry by suggesting sex workers should organise and work together to keep themselves safe".

They try coming in through leftist ideology like "how dare these transsexuals complain about being misgendered at work or raise money for something as bourgeois as cosmetic surgery when there are real working-class people who can't even pay their rent". They try and launder their ideas through appeals to reactionary tendency like "aren't polyamorous people just a bit... weird? Look at all these horror stories you hear of people turning a polycule into a miniature cult, surely that can't be good!". They appeal to your inner prude, "kink is weird and violent and how can people consent to that? Hey, don't you think these queers might be a bit dangerous? Look what they get off to!".

All that shit is leading you astray. Stop caring so much what other people do. Stop inventing convoluted justifications for pouncing on your fellow queers by playing 5D chess to come up with a way to explain that actually, a man dyeing his hair pink is doing misogynist violence and therefore you have to write 10,000 words online about him. Get out there. Find the people near you who are making the world a better place, who are running food banks and soup kitchens and homeless shelters and clothes exchanges and support groups and whatever else is out there and GET INVOLVED. If you can't physically go out there, see what logistical support those organisations need that you can do from home. Fuck, knit hats to keep people warm. Just do something.

It'll feel weird. You'll see some shit that'll absolutely smash your beliefs about how everyone outside of your little bubble is evil. Some 75 year old boomer will say the most radical shit you've ever heard about solidarity between oppressed people. The crustiest middle-aged cishet punk dude you'll ever meet will go on a drunken rant about how cool his trans friends are and how he wishes he could help them more. You'll think you're a lesbian and then suddenly you'll kiss this dude you met at a punk show that your buddies from the food bank took you to, because you liked the look in his eyes when the band played a song about queer joy and resistance and tearing down borders. Weird shit will happen to you and it'll be great.

This was about the locked tomb fandom at first I promise. It's turned into the post I always end up making on every social media platform I end up on, which is "I'm getting too Online because of this platform and I'm not gonna be around as much, you should try that maybe"

[pearwaldorf]

One thing I have never understood about Twitter is the way people will keyword search a person's name and swan into somebody's mentions to scold them about... whatever. wildehack and I were talking about the Misha Collins nonsense and we were accused of misreading the situation because something something queer Castiel idek.

When I start picking fights with strangers on the internet, I know for me personally it's a sign I need to not be on social media and should go do literally anything else. I'm certainly not going to convince anybody to my side doing this. It's one thing if you're just targeting somebody to vent your spleen but I would really like people to understand that's what they're doing.

The person you're stanning isn't going to magically catch wind of this and thank you for defending their honor, because that's fucking weird to do for a grown-ass adult. Go watch paint dry, pet a furry creature, do literally anything else and think about why you feel this is necessary.

[bylertruther]

ewww serious (and long) post incoming, but for future reference: just because this is the internet... that doesn't mean that real-world etiquette doesn't apply.

if you go up to a random stranger and assume that they're talking about you, they're unlikely to take kindly to that. they're especially unlikely to take kindly to you then accusing them of lying, waving your hands in the air to get other strangers in on this conversation, badmouthing them, and walking away before they can even get a word in.

if you wouldn't do that or accept that behavior yourself in real life, why would it suddenly be acceptable online?

wouldn't you feel confused and offended if you were the one getting accused of something you didn't do? if you were thrust into a no-win game where it doesn't matter how or if you do or don't respond, because the outcome is still going to be the same? if you were trying to mind your business and someone else decided to warp that, create a spectacle of it, and broadcast it to thousands of people? if the person accusing you of something then went on to do that very same thing in an effort to garner support as if this is a battle of some sort?

isn't that just... rude? to go up to a stranger and assume that whatever they're doing is about you? to go up to a stranger and assume that you've preoccupied their mind and time? to pick a fight that you won't see through and slander them to thousands of people?

like. yes, this is the internet. no, i don't actually feel personally hurt or anything over what happened—because i know who i am, and you can go back through my blog and a) see the fifty posts i've made on the sword debate, and b) a post from the night before where i literally predicted what ended up happening—but i do take issue with the behavior that we do and don't allow in this e-space.

i don't have to respond to someone's presumptuousness with my usual chummy, fluffy tone that i reserve for my followers and friends. i don't have to take care not to sound "defensive" when i've literally been thrust into an argument where i'm now forced to defend myself against someone that was already being defensive, hypocritical, and that doesn't actually care to hear my answer because they've already made their judgement anyway. i don't have to take someone trying to speak over me or talk someone down sweetly when they're making an attack on my character, and neither does anyone else that's ever been put in a similar position. i'm not jesus—i'm not going to turn the other cheek.

personal issues can explain why a person behaves the way they do, but they don't excuse that behavior or make it okay. none of us should ever make our personal problems someone else's problem—that's a mark of poor emotional control, and it's just not fair to anyone else.

not all of us are adults here, i know, but most of us should know better. if you want this to be a true community, then you need to behave appropriately and maturely.

there's a person behind the pixels that are on your screen, and they're every bit as real as you are. if you wouldn't do something in person, then you shouldn't do it online either.

that's just my two cents, though.