#because i'll start crying i think
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How perfect is it that Magnus decides to take Alexander's surname? to unite it with his own, making it something unique?
Now, I'm not up to date with the books, but from what I gathered Alexander is it for Magnus. Before Alec, Magnus never married, never even bothered to imagine a forever with someone. Alec, in his simplicity and contradictions, has managed to tear down and entirely destroy that wall that had been up for centuries. And while Magnus desperately wants to hope for their forever, desperately wants it, he knows how it is going to end. He knows Alexander is going to pass someday and what he decides to do?
He takes is surname.
I can very well imagine Magnus never removing their wedding ring, even after Alec's passing, which would be a declaration on itself. But the surname?
He is not only saying "oh, he was my love, we were married once". He is incorporating him in his identity. We know how important identity is for a warlock, they usually choose their names for themselves. And Magnus is choosing to making Alec part of it, part of himself.
In a couple of centuries, when the present will only be a chapter in the book of history, Magnus still be Magnus Lightwood-Bane. He would still be Magnus Bane, but he would still be declaring, centuries from now, that he loved a shadowhunter once. That there's a part of him that still will be loving that shadowhunter. That he will probably never stop.
I don't ever want another love.
#people would know that Magnus loved a shadowhunter once#and that the shadowhunter in question is Alexander Lightwood-Bane#a shadowhunter who loved one man so much he changed the world for him#and don't let me start about Max and Rafael#because i'll start crying i think#im down bad#malec#magnus bane#magnus lightwood bane#dammit#alec lightwood#alec lightwood bane#alexander lightwood#shadowhunters#the shadowhunter chronicles
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[2 KIDS SHOW] EP8: LEE KNOW X HAN | WANT SO BAD | WITH MC CHANGBIN ☆
#createskz#bystay#3rachasource#seochangbingifs#forhanji#linosource#stray kids#changbin#han#lee know#skz#trying not to think about this ep#because i'll just start spiralling#but i had to gif the cutest boy in the world#i love you scb!!!#i'll come back to gif minsung#when i can stop crying about them
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this blog is 11 years old now 🎉
I drew the siblings ever to celebrate as usual
#loz#wind waker#legend of zelda#toon link#aryll#I wasn't gonna draw anything but then I sketched link real quick and I was like okay wait i can do this#and then my brother dragged me outside ☠ but i still got it done today!#the anniversary is today. tumblr sent me a notification like ravio is 11 years old now! ravio the character is actually 11 years old.#albw released in2013. i received two reminders this morning. ravio drawing soon maybe. coming this year definitely. maybe#arylls like big brother use a damn fork#<- that was the tag when I first started drawing them in 2018#also i noticed when I draw aryll i always draw her in her blue dress so i decided to change it up. i only play 2nd playthroughs of wind wak#r because fun fact: i hate link's green tunic and hat. i finished a first playthrough years ago with a finished nintendo gallery#and then when i want to start a new playthrough i fight ganondorf again go through the credits cry and then BAM new game no-plus#i miss link's green tunic now though. its been so long. im so sick of champions garb...............idk the green is iconic idk#im not a huge fan of it but i think his base form should be green again. with the hat. let him look doofy as a default again#he was green in echoes of wisdom but i need them to follow through after again.#i didnt finish echoes of wisdom yet (SOON IM TRYING IM STUCK I NTHE SONIC ADVENTURE 1 WEB HELP) but what I saw of Link there?#he was kinda terrifying lmao its always funny to see that link is so extremely competent because i am not. that boy efficient#im stuck in the sa1 web because everyone is always talking about how good it is. so i played the pc port and. its apparently awful idk it i#thats just what sa1 outside of emerald coast plays to me tbh. but the dreamcast is supposed to be better. and i own a dreamcast. free me#i played on gamecube too. 12 years ago. it made me sick. maybe one day i'll install some mods that make it play better#why does it feel like the month is over when its only january 6#i played sa1 as a kid btw. just emerald coast tho. ALSO I DIDNT BUY A DREAMCAST FOR THIS I ALREADY OWNED ONE
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These Nimona headcanons are kinda angsty cause I’m bored
I think it’s a genuine shock for Ambrosius when he finally realizes he gets to make his own choices
Sometimes it’s small things like choosing to grow his hair out and stop bleaching it and what he eats that day
And sometimes it’s bigger things like what he’s going to do with the privilege he was born with and what he wants to do with the rest of his life
He was probably raised to believe that his voice and his body weren’t his own and all of his choices should benefit his family
And because of that he kind of has a little bit of an identity crisis
One night Bal woke up to the sound of an electric razor and he went to go check it out cause he assumed Nimona was experimenting with their hair at 3 am again
He was kind of shocked to find Nimona shaving Ambrosius’ hair while he sat crying in the bathtub
But he didn’t question it he just sat next to him and held his hand while he went through a lot of complicated emotions
I feel like it takes a while for Bal to stop acting like he’s on the run
When situations get stressful he’ll eat like he’s rationing
If there is a controversial time in the kingdom he’ll leave the house with his cloak even when it’s 100 degrees outside
It took him a long time to get back into his hobbies because he wanted to keep his belongings small and portable
And it takes a lot of time and even more help to finally recognize those habits and break them
And it’s made twice as hard because Nimona has the same habits and will subconsciously fall into them
Which sucks because after being on the run for so long all she wants to do is settle down for a very long time
The trio also has massive trust and abandonment issues
It takes a long time for Nimona to trust anyone that isn't Bal or Ambrosius
If he does let someone in and they betray him he doesn't even think about giving them a second chance
But it always hits him hard and it takes him a while to recover
Bal is very wary of maternal figures in his life
He also doesn’t trust anyone from the institute/nobles as far as he can throw them (except Ambrosius obvi)
Ambrosius also has that same distrust and every time he goes to work he acts like he’s walking on eggshells
But he knows he has to be there to fix the problems his ancestors caused
But their trust issues are nothing compared to their abandonment issues
The first couple of months living together were tricky
Because they all have abandonment issues but they’re also very independent people
After a while they all figured out it was best to communicate where they are most times
Even if it’s incredibly mundane and feels stupid to announce to a group of people “I’m going to work” when they leave for the day
It just put the rest of them at ease
So Nimona will leave notes before they go on their little solo trips
And Bal will call if he’s going to pick up supplies and won't be in the lab for a while
Ambrosius will text them to say he’s caught in another meeting so they’ll just have to eat dinner without him
Even with these steps they all have their bad days and sometimes those bad days sync up
Mostly on anniversaries of big events like the knighting ceremony, or the day the wall fell
And on those days they decide to take care of themselves and each other by sitting in the living room all cuddled up and watching stupid movies to cheer them up
#nimona 2023#nimona movie#nimona headcanon#nimona#ballister boldheart#ambrosius goldenloin#ballister x ambrosius#goldenheart#if I start thinking about the fact that Ambrosius was raised like a child celebrity and probably had no bodily autonomy I'll start crying#they all make me so sad#because they're so sad#who let my babies be sad
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bitches love me for my Allister doodles
#liazrad talks#I'm the self proclaimed CEO of Allister#you can always count on me to drop art of him randomly 💜#he's been my blorbo since the moment i saw him five years ago...#it took me a bit to start posting fan art of him bc i was being a swsh hater at first but god. he bewitched me.#i tried to avoid swsh because of the glaring issues with it and its development but god. Allister. Allister....#that little guy has cost me nearly $400 since he gained blorbo status. and that number will increase. GUARANTEED!!!#i need to acquire cards of him as well as perhaps a poster#and a keychain if i can find one from a decent artist#....or.....i could make my own keychain...#did you know?? sometimes i look at his rare league card and literally cry because he's so cute. this is abnormal behavior for me#sometimes. you find a character that resonates with you so much that they stick with you forever#i think Allister might just be that character for me. my other favs change but Allister is always there#even when I'm deranged about other shit i keep him in the back of my mind#i feel like i might end up like my grandma who has a life long obsession with The Beatles. except I'll love Allister.
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I know in the grand scheme of things that this is by no means a lot, but it doesn't stop me from being FLOORED by the reception of my Rayllum Month stuff?!?! Like these PROPORTIONS are NUTS to me and I'm just over here in my bedroom sobbing my eyes out that my stuff (apparently) resonates with people the way I really want it to.
(^ the proportions in question)
Like, out of 895 people, and SO FAST (6 days, as of my posting this), 15 subscribed and I've got 79 kudos?! And 16 bookmarks?! AND 17 PEOPLE CARED ENOUGH TO COMMENT WHAT THE HECK?!?!?! I'm an emotional mess you guys and ik it's not a lot but it means EVERYTHING to me that people like my writing and I just CAN'T-
#side note if you saw me post ch4 of it NO YOU DIDN'T#it was an accident but it'll be up in a few hours i pinky promise#the people i've met in this fandom are so genuinely amazing#like i actually can't think too long about interactions i've had otherwise i'll start crying (happy tears i swear)#so THANK YOU guys#i'm just a small town girl livin' in a lonely world and frantically making rayllum stuff to cope#like writing is so much to me and the fact that people like it always makes my heart explode#we do this for free! because we like it! and people care enough to get personal and interact and I LOVE FANDOM SO MUCH#brb crying in the tub#tdp#the dragon prince#rayllum#my fic#fic: i'm gonna marry him if he keeps all this up... i might just be in love#yk what?#FANDOM APPRECIATION POST#APPRECIATE PPL WHO WRITE AND PPL WHO MAKE ART AND PPL WHO COMMENT#AND EVEN JUST SHY PPL WHO DON'T COMMENT I SEE AND RESPECT AND LOVE YOU
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people just ignore Thor was a feral child, huh? like his life goal was probably to demolish another race at age 12 and he was probably begging to go to war and attempted to murder their father for not letting him via telepathy that he didn't have.
#people are like ''loki stabbed thor at age 8'' like im sorry but thor is older and im pretty sure he would've given loki the knife#Frigga was probably like ohhh you can wage war when your brother is old enough to go with you. can't let you two go alone!#and Thor naturally was like ''ok. i will Arm the Child''#like for SURE Thor was the kid eating dirt while Loki just sat next to him looking very confused about it#Thor: Father said we are Part of Asgard and need to Eat To Grow and then one day will be Big Enough to Fight !#he tries to feed Loki the dirt so he'll grow up quicker too but Loki starts crying and now Thor's forgotten about it and trying to calm him#Thor like no no don't cry i'll find us something else to get big with :(#carries him away and gets dirt all over them both because his hands were still dirty#fast forward the bros are sitting on the ground under a table monching on lemon cakes (or whatever) absolutely COVERED in dirt#they have left a dirt trail behind them so their hiding spot won't be effective for long#and also Thor doesn't think voices should get across what is clearly a sturdy table cloth so he's not sure how they were 'discovered'#Frigga: you cannot get dirty and go in the kitchens#Thor: LOKI WAS SAD. AND WE NEED SUSTAINENCE TO GROW MOTHER. WE MUST FEED.#Frigga: -_-''#(Loki is still munching on a lemon tart. the same one despite the room change because he's eating it slowly while Thor reasons with Frigga)#(half of the words anyone is saying go over his head but he is enjoying the expressions being made)
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hey guys who wants another round of tmi
#ive been#this entire day has been a lot and i have no idea how to feel about it#i've never cried this much in an entire day and i can't stop myself from tearing up but it's not because of something sad or traumatic i'm#not used to being loved. or appreciated. or meant to feel like i belong anywhere. i've struggled with being excluded and ostracized and it#has been an uphill battle for a long time and deep down despite my many attempts to heal and get better i've always felt like something was#fundamentally wrong with me. it has been wrong with me from the start and whatever evidence to the contrary ive gotten was rationalised awa#by fluke or maybe people like me because of what i can provide and what i can do for them and not because of who i am and who i am will#always be tolerated or ignored at best and i genuinely was not expecting anyone but a few close friends to care about this and just. andjus#i think something in me is healing and it's still hard to accept but i can conceptualize it and any negative thought in my brain is being#countered by “hey why would you think that when people care about you” and i know it is obvious right. its something i should know but it#has always been so hard to believe that anyone would and the fact that it's hitting right now? i cant fucking stop crying#its almost fucking embarrassing im like this. im a grown ass adult. why the fuck am i still crying like this. i fucking hate trauma man#keeps making me feel like im that kid who was never loved in the ways that mattered. sorry im just#thankful. grateful. i feel like some parts of that gaping wound is stitching itself together and i cant stop crying and for once im not#crying because i'm being hurt. i'm just grateful to be here. genuinely fucking grateful that i'm alive#funny isnt it. how much love can save you if you let it#tmi#rant#embarrassed myself enough i think#sorry about that we'll go to our regularly scheduled ghoap program soon enough#i'll be okay
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i love how humans can experience a wide range of emotions all at once and definitely don't feel worse because of that very fact <- me when I lie
#I'm starting my new job today and I'm excited about that! I want this job and I think I'll like it#but at the same time I'm sad because it's been a month since Charlie passed. And I can't really let myself feel that right now#Because I have to go to work in an hour and be bubbly and smiley and happy#And the rest of my family is taking a day trip downstate so no one is going to be home when I get home#so at least I'll be able to cry when I get home#and of course the ever present question of “what if I'm just being a dramatic bitch who needs to get over herself?”
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What are you doing?
I'm resting at home, alone.
No. I hate that.
[NCT 127 - Home Together]
[Home Together gifsets 1 | 2]
#uhhhhhhhhhhhh wtf are they doing y'all i'm CRYING#this whole video felt like a hallucination#especially with no actual english subs#mark using his hand as a phone actually killed me#i actually screamed at the screen several times while watching this#because actually wtf 🤣🤣🤣#it all felt like a surrealist nightmare instead of a holiday promotion like what are they even thinking hahaha#BUT Y'ALL LIKE WHO CAME UP WITH THIS#DID THEY COME UP WITH IT THEMSELVES BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE THE ACTUAL BEST#what is illichil even DOING#i'll make more gifs from this later probably i gotta go do dishes but i had to start somewhere because there's just so much wtf hahaha#nct 127#nct 127 home together#nct#mark lee#taeyong#nct mark#nct taeyong#mia gifs nct 127 things#mia gifs nct things#mia gifs kpop things#mia gifs things
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I cried so hard while writing all of that. headache now. worth it. I'm so glad other people care about this just as much as I do. let's never give up hope ever
#listen to my gibberish boy#AND LIKE. I SLEPT 8 HOURS. I'VE HAD ENOUGH WATER. I'VE BEEN FOR A WALK I'VE TALKED TO MY FRIENDS AND WHANAU TODAY#this isn't the product of me being overemotional. this is just how much this topic means to me#I just start crying whenever I think about it too hard#I'm so glad other people haven't given up. I'm so glad I get to devote my life to species that would otherwise have no hope of surviving#I am going to learn the FUCK out of these university courses#and in 40 years time I will see more birds than I ever did growing up#in 40 years we will have too many takahē to individually name#in 40 years I'll be 58 and I'll be walking on a coastal trail and I'll see pīwakawaka and tūī and kerurū and I'll think to myself#hey! I did that! they're alive because of me!!#CRYING AGAIN. HAVING A TIME WITH THIS ONE I GUESS
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I have finally finished O Segredo Na Floresta.
I have cried more than I thought possible.
And I fear I shall never be the same.
#i have discovered that however bad quarentena was - cellbit has tons more angst material ready to unleash when least expected#it was so so so good but my god - i have never felt more empty#you ever see a piece of media and think yeh this is gonna change the way i view certain things forever - yep.#but now i enter the ordem episodes that arent captioned and only have the youtube autotranslate - the final boss for my portuguese knowledge#cellbit#ordem paranormal#this post is sort of my proof to myself when i actually finished the bastard - this season was three billion years long i swear#and still so long to go#cellbit will continue to stab my emotions for many more hours to come!!!#it is very late at night and i am very sad. TIME TO START THE NEXT ONE :D#o segredo na floresta#enigma do medo#bro i need to yell at someone about the last like hour of the damn thing because i have many things to say. or maybe just cry some more#at least my portuguese is much better now lmao. I'll get to a point where i can just listen to an episode with no subtitles if it kills me!!#hopefully cellbit will be back on the qsmp soon to rip my heart out with a cute lil cubito delivering heart wrenching angst for some variety#qsmp#ok sleep time lmao
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I fucking hate being traumatized because why am I bawling the hardest I've bawled in god-knows-how-long because someone I didn't even like that much berated Me. gasping wailing trembling and snotting over this for several minutes.
#personal#sanism#abuse mention#child abuse mention#I'm still not entirely done crying really. I'm just trying to stop and calm Myself. not doing well at the moment#because someone on the discord server mentioned trump's inauguration and I basically said 'I don't like trump either#but it's still important to keep pushing for change. who's in office doesn't change that' and he just. immediately escalated the situation#accused Me of not caring about oppression. I explained Myself further but he told Me to go fuck Myself and capped it off with#'you already admitted to being a fucking narcissist so why would i want to be around you' (exact quote BTW)#and I just can't stop sobbing. I don't know if I've cried this much since I was 13. I keep having to pause My typing because I start crying#I didn't hate him but I wasn't attached to him either. it's just that I have so much fucking trauma along these lines#so many instances of My mom putting words in My mouth. getting short-tempered with Me over benign remarks that I didn't understand#because I'm autistic. dismissing My opinions. making Me hide My feelings and issues from her#because she's made it clear that she doesn't trust people like Me#it's made Me have so much trouble handling even friendly social interaction. I've only just learned how to do that#I just can't handle having that same mistreatment forced onto Me by anyone else. especially with so little warning or build-up#and what makes Me break down even worse is the fact that I know I'll have to deal with him again#he wasn't even punished while this was happening. despite the server owner and other mod being online. the owner just said 'stressful day'#and the other mod started talking with a regular user about how it was uncalled for once he had already left the conversation#nobody even checked in on Me. even though I stayed online for a good half-an-hour afterwards. I only just logged off a few minutes ago#because the notifications from unrelated conversations started overstimulating Me#regardless. I don't even want to see him again. I don't want to be in the same server as him I don't want to talk to him I don't want to#but it's not a real formal server. it's a 'friend group.' and they've shown before that they prioritize keeping the peace#over actually punishing hostility. just a week or so ago I told them I wasn't comfortable with them using the R-slur#and someone freaked out over My complaint being 'politically correct' and left. he was brought back just a few days later. and before that#he had already derailed a previous discussion I tried to have about the word by sending gifs featuring it and redirecting the conversation#that sucked but at least it wasn't outright triggering. but I just can't stand the thought of having to be around someone#who treated Me so much like how My abuser has. that's the most I've ever had to relive My trauma because of someone else#that's the most anyone has ever mirrored it to Me. I just can't stand it but I know I'll have to be around him#I don't even know if he's gonna apologize. he's made it clear how little he thinks of Me as a human being. PLUS
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I'm gonna start judging people based off how they talk about Selena Gomez
#for context Selena Gomez posted a video where she was expressing sympathy for people in the US getting deported and she started crying#and of fucking course the internet is being gross about it because caring about anyone but yourself is illegal now apparently#I think she should be allowed to start killing people. I'll support it XD#watch all the idiots who do nothing but make nude ai slop of her come for me lol#Selena Gomez#my thoughts#she speaks!
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a little pause on art for finals(they are all late) but boy has brain been braining
more specifically on dings' dynamic as asriel and chara's weird uncle bc that's just something i don't see a lot
#talking to the wall#i personally like to think dadster came up to be because these two warmed up the idea of children on his lonely heart#he used to babysit them occasionally#when they Fucking Died™ mf was absolutely destroyed. back to his lonely cave of mourning and no funny children#unless ☝️#but now we're getting into babybones territory we already have a lot of babybones content#and mad scientist playing god with DT yadda yadda you know the drill#asriel couldn't care less about the complicated sci-fi weird machine creepy shit he pulled off#in fact the guy gave him the creeps at first. made him cry once as a baby#but chara thought the guy was the coolest idiot. lab coat and super cool sci-fi shit?? you built WHAT??#So Cool. That's their idol. Also they get to sleep late and do dangerous nerd shit their parents would never let them otherwise#eventually asriel warms up because he's also into shenanigans (and doesn't want to feel left out so he starts trying to prove himself)#by acting like a smartass#fine i'll help but only to laugh when you go bald or something 🙄 (has the time of his life)#they went bald. now them and G are both eggheads#how delightful children are. he misses these two dearly#and then their parents proceed to divorce. is love even real anymore.#should i even tag this#oh well#undertale#gaster#asriel#chara#please nerd with me dont let me shout into the void#thank you
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.
#if i'm quiet it's bc i'm still processing#i haven't reached the acceptance point pointvand i can't be glib or funny about it#i keep just starting to full-on sob#like a lot of it is selfish - comparatively i'm better off than many and not much will change right away#but i'm old. i'm not super sure i'll make it another 4 years like i just have this feeling i won't#and i'm crying for the loss of what we could have had as much as for all of those who will die#it's almost worse that there was a clear way forward that we took in a better timeline#i'm crying because there's proof that so much of this country is evil and stupid and arrogant and apathetic#huge swathes of it are not but we have to admit that there are a lot of the others#it really is grief for the united states of america that existed and it's selfish and not helpful and i can't stop it yet#today someone i work with really ssid to me 'y'all really think trump is gonna send people to your house and take you away'#and i said he told us he would - he said he would specifically target immigrants and received the reply#'well yeah of course - the illegals ...'#so many folks are already setting their sights on the next fight and ready to roll up their sleeves and keep pushing#and i just can't stop crying#palestine is gone. the supreme court is locked for the rest of my life. who knows if there will ever even be another election#maybe that was the last one. maybe that was the last one women will be able to vote in. who knows.#i remember this feeling from when my parents died but i'm not any better dealing with it now than i was then
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