#because i was like “this is too fucking silly i cant draw this and feel good about it”

[orangepeelknives]

though i am crashing out over Gay-Article-gate, am i allowed to circle back to the newly unearthed mack/leno lore????? am i allowed???

fifteen year old mack c, with his silly lil gapped teeth and floppy hair and way too much hockey talent. he's so so so good, but he's so young, he's younger than everybody else, and he's better, and he kinda knows it, and he kinda owns it, and he's not shy about telling his opinions, he's not quiet about what he thinks the team should do. and he's living in the bay area now instead of vancouver and he hasn't really made many friends and all he wants is this magical hockey liney chemistry that everybody always raves about. it's all he wants!! he wants to fit in, he wants to belong, he wants to get to go to the house party that somebody's throwing on more than the pity invite, he wants to be liked, he wants to be wanted.

and then. there's this kid. his name is will smith, and he's always on the other team, he's always playing against you, and he looks like THAT at age 15, perfect teeth and blonde hair and he's always smiling and laughing and always right smack in the middle of the crowd, always surrounded by people. and he's best friends with his lineys and they have this clear magical chemistry that mack wants so badly, and mack bets WILL is never getting the pity invite, mack bets WILL is never left out of the inside jokes, mack bets the locker room doesnt shoot WILL all these akward looks when he speaks up. and will's so good at hockey too, will's lighting them up and then skating right into the arms of his team, who clearly love him so much, and he's laughing and having fun and holy fuck, that's all that mack wants.

and maybe mack's a little jealous? because who wouldnt wanna be will smith, in mack's eyes. who wouldnt wanna belong so well, fit in so well, be so beautiful and funny and wanted all the time! and maybe he's looking across and theres ryan leonard, some fuck ass kid who's always right there at will's side, always the first to get to him for the celly, always scoring on will's assists or sending passes to will for him to score. will's looking for him in the crowd, will's posting on instagram, just him and leonard, now will's going to BC and leonard's going with him, because will wants him there, because will wants him around.

so yeah, maybe mack's a little jealous, here. and maybe he's got this image of will in his head, this kid who's on the opposite team and who is everything mack wants, and maybe mack's a little sick about it, watching some kid like leonard, who's not as good as mack, who's not as good as will, be soooo wanted by will, which is all mack has ever wanted, to be in the in-crowd, to not feel on the outside, looking in.

so maybe he's fucking full gap tooth grinning, when he draws leonard into taking a penalty, when he manages to get under his skin, maybe part of him can selfishly think, see, will smith, maybe this guy isnt so great after all, maybe i'm better, maybe i one-up him, huh?

and it's stupid, and mack KNOWS its stupid, but he doesnt care, he doesnt!! and then theyre on opposite sides of the ice in college, too, facing off, the best on their teams, and will STILL has everything that mack wants. he's even more beautiful, now, and he's got this whole group of guys who just follow him around, who are practically tripping over themselves to hang out with him, he's the it-boy, he's always in the middle of the crowd, he's never left out or left behind, sorry, dude, but you're only seventeen, no way you're getting into the bar anyways. fighting with the captain like that, like, geez, who does he think he is?? mack dude i know mom and dad said to hang out with you, but cmon, cant i just go do this with my friends for once without you tagging along?

and now he's playing WITH will! and it's fucking everything he's ever wanted!! and now he's will's GUY, he's right there at his side every day, invited to everything, in the in crowd, on the golf trips, in will's passenger seat, and it's better, its so much better than anything he couldve imagined. and people want to act like they havent known each other! and maybe its stupid, and maybe not really, but they have! mack has known will, mack has known will since he was thirteen years old and lonely. mack has known will's stats, his friends, his game, mack has KNOWN will. and no reporter should be out here pretending that that wasnt true.

[stemmmm]

this animatic is going to kill me. this has been my artistic experience for the past few days

big things coming

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

[metaldwellerrr]

today was the day i found out irl palpers listens to britney spears... and also the day where i drew fanart of his character singing toxic. BRILLIANT

[steampunkedparm]

bluh bluh bluh sketch I started that im hoping i can make into a full peice for a friend :P saying this though has definitely cursed me into doing exactly not that blarrgh!!!

only posting in here because she fellows my art acc on insta but she doesn't have a Tumblr ;P hehe

[arolesbianism]

The Joshua section of my oni playlist is looking great so far

[kabukiaku]

yknow when it comes to loving a ship that is well talked about, it's coming from a place of real passion and joy. i love drawing terzomega because they make me so damn happy, not cause of a 'i gotta draw them cause they are popular' type reason. like, dawg, these two are my brainrot. and i adore both of them on their own too. i love my pookies.

cant forget my boy alpha too. throw him into a mix too. omega and alpha sharing a deep platonic bond. alpha and omega as boyfriends? fuck yeah. or maybe all three of em as lovers....have terzo be a flirty tease to alpha and he doesn't know how to feel about it.

alpha is one awkward dude actually. he hides this by being a snarky hothead. he does care. deep down. you just gotta shake him and tell him to stop being so silly and relax. same goes for terzo. but omega cares so much for them both.

they occupy my headspace, and they make me act like a tween fangirl squealing in delight over her ships. gotta get me that daily omega-3 supplements yknow?

soo yeah, a toast to my boys. you are living happily in my head.

[bahrtofane]

here we go again - pt.1

pt. 2 , pt.3

jude x fem!reader , trent x fem!reader

empty promise after another leaves you walking in the cold. alone. on valentines day. youre never speaking to another player again.

word count : 1K+

watch it : mild fluff, heavy on the angst, situationships, toxic relationships, Jude is kinda an ass in this one sorry, not very happy ending

happy valentines day LOL

—--

you and Jude have a complex history, complex relationship. 

you aren't officially together but at the same time you are exclusive. it's odd, but it's what works at the moment, (even if you wish he would just grow the balls to make you his already.)

you get he's a busy guy, top player both club and international. you aren't going to force him to choose you or make him get with you while his career is soon about to peak. 

your wishes for more soon fade into the background as he presses gentle kisses into your skin. he called you a few hours prior, wondering if you wanted to keep him company while he binges movies and orders you a pizza. you said yes, maybe a little foolishly. but it's hard to stay away from him. 

he's addicting. maybe it's a rush of being with someone whose whole existence is so grand. maybe it's the fact of knowing you have what millions of others crave for. you don't know, you try not to read into the intricacies. bad habit. 

so here you are, face pressed up against his chest while you lay side by side on this stupidly large couch, action movie playing, your pizza done, belly full and body warm. 

"what are you thinking about love?" he mumbles. 

"you." you shrug.

"me ?" he chuckles. 

you hum, wiggling deeper into the pile of blankets. 

"i've been thinking about you. and us." he confesses, almost shy. the movie playing in front of you has long fizzled out of your attention. 

hey might as well rip the band aid off. 

"me too," you hum, "why aren't we official again?"

you feel him sigh dramatically, "because my career."

you squint. there goes the same lousy explanation. "you could put more i don't know, thought into us."

he shifts under the blankets , "valentine's day is coming up. dont worry love i have it all planned out." he assures you. 

"oh yeah ?" you tease

"just you wait, the best valentine's day ever." he kisses the top of your head soundly.

—--

worst fucking valenties day of your life. you don't remember being more livid a day in your life. you cant remember the last time so much pure rage burned through you, hot enough to hurt. you didn't think it was humanly possible to clench your fist so tight youve dug into your palm hard enough to draw blood. 

your head hurts, your legs hurt, you think your arm is starting to bruise from where you were shoved into a table on "accident" but what would Jude know. he was so busy taking pictures with models and laughing at corny jokes while you kept yourself company. texting and calling didnt work and he didn't even try to give you any attention the whole night, you can't keep doing this with him. 

"you can't just run off-" Jude shouts from somewhere behind you. 

"or what Jude. or fucking what." you seeth, not bothering to face him, storming out into the night. 

It's your fault for trusting him all those nights ago. your fault for falling for the same shit over and over. 

he sprints to catch up to you, "i don't know why you're being like this."

you stop dead in your tracks, "oh i don't know, let's think. you didn't tell me your escorts would be there. and to top it all fucking off they have to nerve to be on my ass the whole night, not letting me get anywhere near you even through we walked in together?"

he doesn't respond and you half the mind not to punch the shit out of him, walking further away from the club you just came from, heels clanking against the sidewalk so hard it hurts, pulling on your dress so you dont trip and fall. maybe you should let it go so you can fall flat on your face. that would be a better ending to the night than seeing his face. silly stupid you thinking this would work. 

"happy fucking valentines day huh Jude. you take me to a damn club, you ignore me the whole night, and you spend all your time surrounded by other women who might as well just suck you off right then and there." you yell, hell if anyone hears. you want them too, you want him to be as humiliated as you feel. 

Bellinghams date thrown away the moment you step inside, ignored and tossed for some common whores. oh you can't wait to see where your face ends up online after tonight. you can see the headlines now. 

he grabs your arm, making you face him, "love listen-"

"no, you dont get to fucking do that anymore. you cant keep sweet talking your way out of things when you fuck up. why can't you just pretend to care" your voice shakes, you can feel tears brimming in your eyes.

"i'm not trying to talk my way out of it, i'm trying to explain." he tries.

you yank your arm out of his grip, "i'm not listening anymore, im done. all i asked was one day for us, just valentines day to make things work. and you showed me you dont care enough for that." 

"please, let me fix this." he pleads.

"its too late."

"i wanted things to work so fucking bad, and you humiliated me Jude. i imagined a nice dinner, hell i would have settled for take out and a few kisses. that's how bad i want things to work, that's how bad i wanted you." you tremble. 

"please my darling. let's talk about this. come back inside and i'll show everyone that you are mine," he holds a hand out to you, waiting. silently pleading with each breath he takes. 

the street lights dance across his skin as for a moment you almost believe him. for a moment you think about stepping back inside with him. you can't do that to yourself, not again. 

"no, iim done. don't follow me, don't call me dont text nothing. i want nothing more to do with you." your firm, final. swallowing the lump that builds in your throat, youd be damned if he sees you cry after this fucking shit show.

he stops in his tracks at this, not bothering to try and stop you. 

it hurts more than it should to leave him behind you, but you honest to god can not keep up with his lifestyle. 

all those articles and rumors were right you suppose, he's an arrogant stuck up bastard with too much money to know what to do with, too cocky for his own good and destroys anything good that comes his way. you hope he's happy without you. 

[faxaway]

happy valentine's @peskellence !!!!!!! <33

something about nuts and bolts

OKAY MAN YOU DON'T EVEN GET THE FOREPLAY. THE 'DRAWING THIS WAS--' NO. I'M RIGHT UP IN THERE BECAUSE I HAVE LOTS OF FEELINGS. and you have no choice but to sit your ass down and listen to them (i mean you could just look away but don't do that)

it's kinda silly but every fucking day I pat myself on the back a little for getting over my fear of bothering the ao3 author with comments/little rambles. because it got me here, with you :]

half of the things I've done, and half of the things I will do here, i've done because of you. not in a 'wow cool author reblogged my stuff and got me notes' way, but in a 'i really want to have something to show pesk. something they'll think is neat' way. not even to impress you. i just want you to smile

you are the single most motivating person I've ever met, in fandom and out. no, really. seriously. you are very many 'most's, actually; encouraging, empathetic, patient and loving and talented and i could really go on, but the tiny font only gets you so far.

your writing is sincerely my favorite. i say it a lot, i know, but every time i read any of your works i get this 'shit, this is free??' type of feeling. like watching, uh, vsauce's miniseries on youtube. you know? no way this is free. it's way too good to be.

i don't know what i did to deserve someone like you being a constant in my life, and i don't think i really do, but i will not be looking this gift android in the mouth. i wish i could somehow express all this disgusting sentimentality in its entirety, and thank you properly (wow i cant help but notice not all your fic covers match now nghnnhh that's sucky i wonder if someones gonna do something about it) thank you and please stay just as you are. ily and you know that

[mystic-warriors]

sorry if ive made a post like this before but like genuinely I cant thank yall enough

a year or two ago I wouldn't've even dreamed of posting some of the art I do these days without a second thought.

Around middle school, when I got more and more into drawing I've always loved shitty self inserts or trope-y/cliche stories (and clearly i still do lmfao), but back then, i really fucking hated myself for only drawing that stuff.

those drawings and stories made me really happy at a point- until I learned to be ashamed and resentful of this 'cringe culture' I was taking part in. I wanted to share my art and stories but I didn't want people to think I was a cringe 13 year old artist even though that's exactly what I was, and there's nothing wrong with that- because I was drawing what made me happy.

I'm so thankful for all of your support because its what helped me come out of my shell. so many times I would hesitate to post or share something because it was too cringy or angsty or whatever, and its still taking real long to try and get over that whole mentality.

but even then I kept posting, almost like testing the boundaries.

little by little I wanted to see what point people would call me out for it, and so far that has yet to come, at least, side from jokingly hehe.

I still get scared posting these things sometimes, but i think Ive come a long way in being able to express myself more openly, and thats only because of all of you. taking those steps was and is scary but then suddenly- people started to like what I made... these silly self insert stories i daydream about, that I hated myself for making for so long, and people were just like totally ok with them lmao. it feels silly to say out loud but man, it got to a point where I grew so tired of drawing because everything I made would make me cringe and hate what I was doing more and more.

so like thanks for stickin with me, even if my posts make ya cringe or feel second hand embarrassment- you sure did a good job of hiding it, lol! for now I'll just keep trying my best to be the cringe adult I've grown up to be, because its what I want to draw.

[courtmartialme]

Hey! Sorry in advance if this is word vomit-y and a mess im literally crying rn lol

Ok so i found u for ur trans riza art and at first i was like yo cool explicitly trans art! Then i went thru ur blog and found there was so much here and it made me so fucking happy. Like we (trans mascs) domt get as much representation so its really meaningful when u find it in the wild but then when its genuinely good A+ quality content too and theres just so much of it? Words cant describe how fucking happy and seen i felt.

Ive been following u for a while now and just like. Youre so inspiring to me? Like your art is goals its so fucking good, when i see your art it makes me want to draw and improve my own art. Your brainrot and like willingness to do your own thing in regards to trans riza and ur AU art is also just so inspiring to me. And like as a trans masc creator i guess its so inspiring to see you succeed if that makes sense.

As to why im crying rn, i just found ur trans riza comic and its Unlocking things in me its making me cry so hard rn dhddhddnbdjdbdfbnffb like it just makes me feel sm hope for my own future? And idk its just really nice to see such good content and representation that really understands and gets the "trans experience" if that makes sense. So like yeah dhdjdjf just thank you so much for being so inspiring to me and (others bc im sure its not just me that feels like this) and for sharing your art!

that's a very sweet message thank you !!! i'm glad my trans riza art resonates with you ^_^

though anon, i don't think we are "under represented" at all. maybe in big media? sure, idk, i don't pay attention tbh. but anon there are a lot of transmasc artists making transmasc art out there you just have to pay attention :] and i think this kind of art is better appreciated when you stop using words such as "content" and "representation" to describe art made by artists in the wild and save it for big tv shows lol. ofc i get the trans experience, i'm trans. but maybe my trans experience isn't the same as yours. who gets to decide if something so personal is bad or good content? or representation? i think by applying those standards you're only limiting yourself and others

of course, i know you only meant well with your message! but i took the opportunity to ramble about something i think about a lot <3 i'm honored you find my art inspiring bc i honestly mostly draw whatever i feel like drawing lol even though trans riza au isn't very deep or personal or anything, it's important to me so i draw it. i hope all of us can forever create more art about our experiences without worrying if it's good representation or whatnot because that's a silly word to describe the feelings of real people :]

[dustykneed]

ohhhh you want to send me mcspirk/spones/mckirk asks so bad.... Do it ...... Hand them over..... hand em over NEOW

(translation: being steamrolled by work & too tired to draw my own silly little comic ideas. Feel free to suggest aus or ask me about my own aus/fic ideas etc im just. eepy. tored af & need a bit of motivation lol

i should sleep but i have so many things to say about this scribble so like. the context in my head is this is spirk to mcspirk slowburn in spirit. And this is bones' first time asking to kiss spock of his own accord? like when they first get together bones is really skittish and nervous because he's so scared he'll fuck it up somehow and he's too anxious to ask for affection even though he's been wanting it for so long. And spirk has to make a point of asking to give him that affection because they just want him to know they care for him so much. so this is a big moment for them! and jim being sandwiched between his favourite people in the whole universe smiling up at them because they're his whole wide world...... (OH god i feel some kind of fic coming on. i cant do this i have so many wips already (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠)

[mrmistakemakeroywg]

how i see "The helper" episode . (i have diagnosed adhd and autism fyi: everyone is different so take what i say with that context <3 not all autistic people are like me so please understand this is more based on my experience personally)

Really weird post i know but hear me out. When i watch "The helper " i immediatly think about having meltdowns as a little kid or just any age in general wether online or irl.

^ Like if you`re looking at it like i am, you can understand why id say it feels like hes having a meltdown / breakdown because something that makes sense to him most of the time, now makes no sense at all to him / freaks him out |

| (Being unable to help people because they do not need his help which he is not used to , thus making him react way worse then most people would sense it is something very special to him Like how people will have specific special intrests or hyperfixations etc) personally i freak out and get meltdowns when my pc is broken or needs fixed and i cannot draw whatsoever for long peroids of time. )

and how you / i would immediatly feel ashamed , nervous and guilty afterwards , or just generally exhausted or depending on the person feel like a burden on the people around you.

(also for this next part yes i know this is implied to be sylvia`s idea but it still makes me wanna tear up because it hits home way too hard) and other people will immediatly treat you as a "trouble maker" that has to be dealt with , punished or pushed aside even tho its something you cant help and sometimes cant even understand .

the dialogue espeically is a gut punch for me.

"ohh.. So this is the guy you want out of town "

" i get it " he`s hurt , and ashamed of himself. and its probably a stretch but i feel like this has happened before because of how he says " i get it . " then he tries to turn it into a positive as per usual to his character writing , thats how much he loves helping people.

its his special intrest / hyperfixation <3333 so of course he can try to turn it into something fun . and the rest of the episode goes on as he Does what they asked him to. and they immediately reward him for throwing himself out of their way .

(this genuinely makes me so mad i`m sorry fuck those towns people man you could`ve just talked to him instead GRAHHHH) and how he gets super happy after FINALLY pleasing them.

hes so silly :33

also this last bit makes me angry a little

"son"

"thanks" ( im going to eat your soul stfu /halfjoke )

"happy i could help!! "

"that makes two of us " (BONUS) ALSO I WANT TO MENTION the scene where he tries to " stop " lord hater. I feel like this is him being pushed to his absolute limit to a point he tried to do something very out of character just for the comfort and relief of "doing something good" like hes reverting to the basics of "being a good guy " just to get that comfort of helping someone again.

it reminds me of that Version of himself in "the wanders" where the piece of himself that holds his trauma / what made him want to help everyone is still not inside of him yet, and he goes on a rant about how he is going to stop lord hater

"wander are you okay ?? " "im MORE then okay "

"IMMMM PERFECT !"

"Now come trusty steed , its time to stop that HEARTLESS evil doer LORD HATER ONCE AND FOR ALL !! "

"wait what-" "stop ?"

"YES! i am a good guy , and he is a bad guy. " "AND I STOP HIM ! "

------------------- HELPPPPP.... seriously tho sorry for the long rant about this episode but it genuinely hit home so hard that i have cried multipule times unironicly because of it. Reminder that im veiwing this through my own experience of growing up on the spectrum (adhd + autism specifically) not everyone on the spectrum will be the same as me when it comes to this episode. I had to get this out of my system because it was eating at my brain sorry yall 💔💔💔

if i made any typos or worded anything weird its becuase its harder for me to write long posts plus as of writing its 01:17 on my computor clock.

[savannahsdeath]

call me silly but i cant stop thinking about hogwart au ellabs uhhh istg . i cant . also im pretty sure im the first one to make a hogwart au so please give ib if you want to make your own fic🤭 if im not the first one then sorry and please lmk who is !!

summary: you're roommates with your best friend and girlfriend, which don't seem to get along well.

﹒⪩⪨﹒

you and abby often wondered what's ellie doing in gryffindor, as the setting hat had doubts itself, wanting her to go to the slytherin for a split second.

"i mean, i'm happy she's with us." you quickly explained, realizing she might hear you through the bathroom door.

abby frowned, not looking away from her book. "oh, you are? and why, exactly?"

you laughed, leaning in to see what is she reading about, but she slammed the book shut with a loud bam! right in front your nose. "well, first of all, she's my girlfriend. self explanatory—"

"but... why?" she cut you off and sat up. "what do you see in her?" oh, you knew that one. it wasn't the first 'you deserve better' talk you had with abby. "wouldn't you rather to be with someone smarter, stronger and, i don't know, just... not a total loser?"

for a moment you sat there, so close to her your shoulders were touching, with your mouth parted and lips going dry. a moment passed as the door opened and ellie came out, sloppily wiping ruffling her wet hair with the towel. her gaze wandered between the two of you and she raised her eyebrow, but her obliviousness made her shrug the weird feeling off. "how much time do we have?" she asked, ignoring abby's presence, who just went back to reading her book.

"less than an hour." you annouced, getting up and taking the towel out of her hand, replacing it with a little bottle you picked up from your bedside shelf. "drink up."

"the fuck is that?" she twirled the unappetizing green liquid around the glass, noticing it's weirdly dense texture.

abby chuckled, winking at you as if to laugh at your low standards. "just listen to your girlfriend."

you smiled at the blonde girl before looking back at ellie. "it's going to rain, i don't want you getting sick."

"yeah, we don't want to hear you whining like a baby just because you catched a little cold." abby added, smirking as you gave her the stare. her comment passed by ellie's ears, not getting any reaction out of her.

she downed the potion in a few sips, wincing and letting you take the glass bottle out of her hands. she took a deep breath, trying to get rid of the taste. "i'd rather be sick." you giggled and rised on your tiptoes to reach her forehead, placing a loving kiss on it. she smiled for a second, before her face flashed with a grimace again. "wait— it's going to what?"

"it's going to rainnn" abby cooed, mercilessly but melodiously drawing out the vowels. you frowned, seeming to be the only one who doesn't see a reason to panic. yet, ellie was now pacing around the room, stopping to look outside the window. the clouds above the horizon were, in fact, dark blue, what predicted a downpour.

you came up to her, wrapping your hands around her tensed waist. "are you scared of some water?" you teasingly asked, nuzzling your head in the crook of her neck.

"that's not the point." she turned around, taking your hand and parting her lips. you just knew you'll probably spend the next minutes listening to the rules of quidditch, hopefully not enough to be late. "you see, when it rains, it's usually quite... foggy. pretty hard to see anything, yeah?"

"yeah, but..." you walked towards the bed, ellie following closely after. "slytherins won't see anything too, so it's fair, isn't it?"

she quickly shook her head and pursed her lips in a tight line, as if disappointed you don't get it. "someone gifted them special lenses. someone— i mean, anonymously, but everyone knows who it is. their captain's father." she stood in front of you as you sat down, fiercely gesticulating. "fucking bastards. they think money can solve everything... well, it kinda does but—"

"can you shut the f..." abby chimed in, deciding against cussing in the last moment. "...up. jesus, i'm just trying to study." she rolled her eyes as the attention was now on her.

"what are you even studying?" ellie walked closer to her, trying to see the book's cover through the blonde girl's pulled up knees, which she used to lean the volume on.

abby was quick to get defensive, closing the item as soon as she made sure the tab is on a right page. "none of your business."

"it doesn't look like one of our student's books at all..." ellie teased, tauntingly smiling as she got closer.

you sighed, taking a deep breath before speaking. "come on, els, we gotta go - get you ready and everything." you stood up and started rummaging through the drawers to think what should you take with you. ellie nodded and left your dorm, promising she'll wait for you before entering the quidditch's pitch.

"you really should go, it can be fun." you friendly nudged abby's shoulder, trying to keep your eyes away from the pages of her book, which seemed to attract your gaze and curiosity.

she looked up at you, visibly annoyed that she has to repeat it for the hundredth time. "that's not my thing."

that's not my thing.

yet, about fifteen minutes after the match started, you felt her warm presence next to you. she didn't say a word, probably too embarrased to admit she somehow got convinced to get her priorities wrong.

yet, you could hear her breath hitch when she saw your rivals score another point. no matter how hard the rain would hit her, soaking through her clothes, she'd calmly stand her ground and squint her eyes to see how bad the situation is.

yet, you eventually noticed she was holding her wand the whole time. and you noticed how her grip tightened as she mumbled a few words under her breath, inaudible because of the cheers. you couldn't believe it, but after a few minutes the clouds turned purely white and bright sun rays made people take off their coats. the same abby anderson, who always had to be the best student, not letting herself be distracted from studying just broke one of the school rules.

"you know you're going to have problems if anyone finds out?" you innocently looked up at her, gratefully smilling.

"then don't snitch on me." she shrugged, admiring the weather, which was her own creation.

yet, she made gryffindor win.

✧˖°

let me know if you want to see more!

[freebooter4ever]

i have never been called beautiful or complimented much, but two things men in particular did tend to comment on: my unusual hair color, and my toned legs. and its such a silly superficial thing but this illness has ruined both, and has forced me to realize that i never felt completely devoid of worth romantically until now.

like my legs? were gone in an instant. one day im a runner and dancer and am physically fit and active, and the next i have this insane stomach thing combined with pots that makes my legs weak and skinny with bulging blood pooling on good days and turns them purple on bad days. and now that im gaining weight again theyre just turning fat and swollen. the widening illusion of the pale compression tights is not helping. i look at the photo of myself drawing and all i see is holy shit, fat. i dont care, of course, because ultimately good health comes first. but that feeling is still there.

but there is something repeatedly traumatizing about constantly seeing clumps of hair everywhere all the time, and cleaning hair off the floor, and watching it pull out every time i brush my hair at all to the point where i brush my hair maybe every other day at most now. its waking up in bed and finding a gigantic wad of hair next to you and knowing that it was on your head a few hours ago. its so.... demoralizing. a physical manifestation of the destruction of my body. and every time i see more hair lost, it immediately brings up men telling me its the one pretty thing.

and even though i had a moment of clarity a few weeks ago where i realized that even if the only thing i was good for for the rest of my life was producing art, my life would still have purpose (love stories and fairytales be damned)... there is still something crushing in feeling that you have nothing more to offer in attractiveness. like, its not a totally unknown feeling - during the hell year when my scars seemed permanent and i was told my face was 'painful to look at' i also felt that it signaled the end of ever being 'loved' except as a platonic expression where true friends dont care how attractive you are. but that healed. i cant imagine my hair or body healing from this?

even now i am watching myself gain weight which is a good thing, but remembering back when i was 14 and recovering from ana and even then the minute i gained any fat at all on my body my mom would start berating me for being pudgy and eating too much ice cream and looking kind of ugly. it took me almost 20 years to recover from that and love my body. not to mention extensive dance training that i can no longer do to feel at home in a new frame. i dont know how i am going to learn to love a sedentary body with extra weight on my frame.

and alllllll of this is just like. why does it matter. i was losing my mind, my cognitive function, my ability to write, my ability to do math as easy as breathing, my ability to draw. still even right now my vision is slightly double and makes all this hard. why does the body even fucking matter????

because from puberty onward society teaches women our bodies and faces are the only things that matter.

[deathzgf]

Dear sir, i hope this ask finds you in good health and all that and if you’re still into amrev/frev could i pretty please hear about your essay on the similarities between saint-just and john laurens 🥺

if not, feel free to delete this ask!

your obedt. servant,

mizumech

first of all I AM SO SORRY FOR LETTING THIS ROT IN MY INBOX for. checks watch. gulps. Dont even worry about it kitten. anyways. i have been so excited to answer this ask ever since receiving it i do not know why i have been neglecting it so much

second of all this whole thing is like 99 . 9 % a joke between my good friend @toastytrusty & i + ridiculous stretches so dont expect anything too serious LMFAO

ok ramblings of a madman time yay

so the saintlaurens towers were first hit by the similarity planes back in late 2023 which prompted This Fuck Arse Venn Diagram

dont worry if you cant read it because i cant either . will try to decode what i can ft updated commentary to start off this yapfest though !

little fifteen year old me put in the saint - just set :

french

fatherless mdr

, in the laurens set :

numerous of his letters still intact ( * ?? i think i was blinded by my grief of sjs letters getting burnt when i wrote this because laurens certainly had his unfair share of lost letters )

american

present father

in a musical ( * im pretty sure sj is in a musical too ( Not les mis ) but i did not know this back in 2023 )

, & in the intersection :

( almost ) 27 at death

gay

autistic

mentally unwell

artist ( * to a certain extent ... side eyes sj )

in love with major revolutionary figure

military twink

almost lawyers

tried desperately to escape home town ( * its been so long i do not remember what i was referring to with tried " desperately " to escape home town with regards to sj )

" babe come home from the war i miss you "

enjolras tbh

gay trio ( couthon , robespierre , saint - just / la fayette , hamilton , laurens )

& honestly Yeah . Ok . Sure . no idea what i was cooking with some of these but

we also got

actually this might end up a compilation of various bullshit screenshots because i do not know how to collect and redistribute the sacred knowledge they hold in any better format

also flowers. something something john sunflower symbolism laurens something something louis antoine " florelle " saint - just

oh theres also The Fire

+ The Hand Thing

and Before you jump me gentle reminder once again that this is fun & games and i am well aware those are two incredibly different things & one is just made up for the hell of it but i like fire trucks and monster trucks i like to play & draw

anyways. theres also also their , as poetically put by toast , " lack of runtime "

theres also also ALSO their fuck arse gay arse letters

AND SOCIALISM !!!

& after scouring twitter & discord w key words i cannae find any more worth sharing nor anything to jog my memory enough but if i think of anything else i will update this with more silliness & if anyone thinks of anything else feel free to add :3

thank you for the ask !!! im so sorry again for taking so long & sorry if this is underwhelming AJLKFJDLKSJFK