#because i was a child i percieved exploring this building as doing something Unsafe and Dangerous (and i guess it was in the sense that-
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Haunted // Love Affair With A House 🏡💌
#digital art#artists on tumblr#illustrators on tumblr#original character#original illustration#sasha's art#this one took much longer than i expected it to because well. thats how things go sometimes#there was a time in my life when i was going through years of abuse and felt like i had no way out of that#this led me to become uncaring and reckless and i was very impulsive at the time#there was this big old abandoned hospital in my home town that was not that far from my parents house#by this point in life i felt like i had lost all relationships with people previously close to me and i was not making any new ones out of-#-fear but also because i was isolationg myself (unknowingly)#because i was a child i percieved exploring this building as doing something Unsafe and Dangerous (and i guess it was in the sense that-#-things could fall on me if i wasn't careful)#but anyway i decided going there was going to be my Safe Place#as abandon buildings seem to be so seductive to teenagers it turned out this place was already a popular hang out spot for many teens#so i decided my best course of action would be to sneak out of my room at night/ dawn and go do art at this place when it was safe from-#-other teens lmao#it made me feel Edgy and Cool and Dangerous (even though looking back this was one of the safest activities i was engaging in lmao)#anyways#i replaced all my close human relationships with an abandoned house at the time (maybe theres a metaphor in there somewhere but. i do not-#(-want to see it)#at the time the thing i wanted the most in the world was to die and this was the place it was supposed to happen#luckily i made a deal with myself for ten more years and this ended up saving my life#so i have many mixed emotions about this place. it was there for me when i was at my lowest and loneliest. it was supposed to be my last#a few years ago i took my two best friends there (hadn't told them this story then yet) and i had a wonderful day and felt Loved#it was a weird feeling to feel there#i decided not to take them into the house and i don't think i will ever go in again#but i am glad i had it back when i needed it i guess#i wonder if theres still any of my old art supplies hidden about somewhere
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