#because i told her everyone had been supportive and welcoming which is partially a lie because I dont feel supported by everyone

[nabsthevulture]

Apologized to my boss about leaving and mentioned that I just don't really feel like I belong there and she got genuinely offended

[lizacstuff]

Hi! Your thoughts on the epi? How emotional was the ending? I also loved that the stories came full circle (Apollo and the little prince). With how much they were discussing the strawberry allergy, I knew it was a matter of time before an allergic reaction emergency would occur. Serkan is not perfect but honestly who's parents are? I'm glad he got the reassurance he needed from both Eda and Kiraz. I'm also glad the truth about Aydan and Kemal's five year relationship is out to Serkan.

My apologies in taking so long to answer this, but LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. For me, this was a very gentle, but very enjoyable episode of television. I think you'd have to go back to season one episodes 4,5,6 to find three episodes in a row that were as good as 43, 44, 45 (coincidentally episode 4,5,6 of the 2nd season). How delightful that cliffhangers in season 2 are emotional plot points for our dynamic duo, instead of the nonsense like falling off of boats or getting caught by a gunman while playing detective, or non-stop, third-party psycho trauma like we endured during 29-38.

The ending was very emotional! As you say, it was always a matter of time before the strawberry allergy played a role, they've mentioned it too many times this season for it not too. Here it played two roles, first putting Kiraz's life in danger thus cementing their burgeoning family unit AND being the genetic tie between three previously hidden generations. Potent stuff.

I was thrilled by all the domestic Edser in this episode. Outdoors, kitchen, living room, bedroom, kid's room, we got it all! I just loved the family time, and the sexual tension and the way they grew closer throughout the episode. I saw some criticism that they made no progress in this episode, but I disagree with that. Just because they didn't make out or have sex, doesn't mean they didn't progress. In this episode they went from being on opposite sides of a custody battle to agreeing to buy a car together, travel together, work together, not to mention having a romantic dinner together.

So buckets of progress was made, however, more on that later, first the supporting characters...

(more under the cut)

What a relief to have both Eda and Serkan treating Aydan and Ayfer as the meddling interlopers they are! Serkan wordless, furious glares were delicious, seriously I don't know how AA had the courage to stay in the house with him looking at them like that, he couldn't have been less welcoming. And Eda actually questioning her aunt about why she was there was a surprise. Of course Ayfer continues to be super punchable. I really, really wanted to hit her right in the face when she gloated over Kiraz calling him Serkan Bolat. Seriously, bitch? You know that's your grandniece, right? And you know that she must have some issues about her dad being absent from her life (which you are partially responsible for) so the fact that you're gloating that a man who was prevented from knowing he had a daughter (again, partially your fault) and a girl who was prevented from having a father (again, you bear some blame) have an emotional barrier in their relationship is beyond shitty. What happened to her personally that made her such a cynical asshole?

Aydan on the other hand is still annoying but she has her own problems, lmao. I'm dying because early in the day the episode aired, I said to both @echoapothecary and @melly326 that it was a shame that the show had decided to waste the potential of Sinan's resemblance to Kerem. I have been hoping they would do the Serkan father storyline since the moment the character was introduced, but the day I give up hope for it is the day it happens! I legit had no expectations that there was even a chance it could still happen.

Personally I'm excited, It's nice that the writers gave Aydan some cover, she didn't lie, she simply didn't remember they had hot baby-making sex back when she was having problems with Alptekin. Imagine what might have happened had she remembered at the time. If Aydan had come clean and left Alptekin, Serkan never would have been sent away, Aydan would have had the support she needed when Alp died and Serkan would have grown up loved. I hope Alptekin suspected the truth, because it would go a long way in explaining why he was such a shit-stain to Serkan his whole life.

It was obvious what direction the story was going from the conversation between Kemal and Aydan when he told her they'd "you know'd" that night, but I still let out a squeal when he revealed his strawberry allergy. Three generations of aversion to frangeria. Google tells me that severe strawberry allergy is rare so this really is an obvious flag they've been waving in front of everyone.

The story also dovetails nicely with Serkan's own journey with surprise fatherhood. We know he hasn't taken to Kemal, has been suspicious of him, however hopefully his own experience being kept out of his daughter's life will make him sympathetic to his newly found father.

Engin and Piril... were there. I can't tell you how much I don't care about Engin's out-of-the blue catering business, or Piril's suspicions. However, I did enjoy the 3 way family phone call, once again Can comes through with the right bit of info for Kiraz, he's definitely the most useful member of that family.

Pina and Kerem were also... in the episode. I did giggle when Asst Kerem admitted he was stunned into silence by Serkan's charisma. Tell me about it.

As for Melo, she stole the show among the supporting characters. Her heartbreak was palpable, but WHYYYYYYY did she have to fall for such a no-personality sad sack? Seriously, even drunk that guy is boring. Also why is he lurking outside Eda's house like a creeper, staring in windows? What does it take to get through to him? Serkan and Eda are following a court order and living together, they are in the process of making their first lunch together, you, sir, are not needed at their home for their first meal as a family. GIVE THEM SOME SPACE!

I really don't get what Melo sees in him. However her crush gave us the funny scenes with the mug turning red and also the heartfelt friendship scene with Eda. It's about time Eda is shown taking an interest in her life, it was really lovely how Melo got over the awkwardness of telling her and Eda was supportive and kind. Also hopefully it made Eda aware of the problems associated with not drawing hard boundaries for someone she knows has feelings for her. Draw the boundary, Eda.

As for Eda, she was a bit softer this episode, you could see Serkan getting to her. One of my favorite things about the episode was how Serkan was subtly planning their life together as a family, and Eda being swept away with the tide and going along with it. (gif set here) Family car? check. Family trip to Italy? Check. Sharing an office and working together at Art Life again? Check. Answering questions and giving preferences about one specific house Serkan is designing? Check.

This is significant because no matter that Eda still (understandably) needs time to forgive Serkan and to trust him with her (and Kiraz's) heart again, deep down she knows it's inevitable. She knows they're inevitable. There's no reason to seriously fight the inroads he's making into their life, because she knows he's going to succeed. In the deep recesses of her mind, she knows she's going to forgive him, and that they're going to be together, not just as co-parents to Kiraz, but as a very much in-love couple. However, she still needs a little time to get there. And that's okay. You don't erase five years of loneliness and heartbreak in a few days, nor should you try to. There's no reason for her to rush to let him back in her bed or into her heart, there's time for her to heal and for him to prove she can trust that he won't leave her again, even for noble reasons.

The bet was a clever way to extend their time living together. And I liked the detail that she was secretly so pleased to have him there, and still so attracted to him, but she knew she couldn't let him know because then it would be game over. He'd settle in and never leave. Not that I think she wants him to leave, she doesn't and that's what scares her. She clearly wants him, and wants him there, she got melty every time she looked at him with Kiraz, but she can hardly be blamed for needing to take it slow. That being said, while putting Kiraz to bed, I loved how Eda's plan to put Serkan on the hot seat completely backfired on her. Hee hee. She decided to tell Kiraz that they're being honest and to ask whatever she wants (that could have gone really wrong, by the way, if she asked if Daddy had really been in space) but daddy's-girl Kiraz immediately turns it back on Eda and wants to know if she loves Serkan Bolat and then sets them up in the same room. Good girl, Kiraz!

I immensely enjoyed the tension of Eda and Serkan sharing a room and sparring about which side they have to sleep on and OF COURSE they can only sleep facing one another. And OF COURSE Serkan migrated to the bed in the middle of the night. Funny how these two keep waking up all wrapped up in one another, almost like... they not only gravitate to one another, they also calm and comfort one another.

Once again, every scene between Edser and Kiraz was gold. I can't say enough how tiresome I usually find children on screen, but here I'm just delighted by her precociousness. Even her making a giant mess in the kitchen was endearing. As I said, I loved how much domestic Edser we got this episode. Them running around the kitchen with their daughter, having a flour fight? Pure delight. And I swear Maya Basol looks more like a mixture of Hande and Kerem than their own child would. It's simply uncanny.

Beyond their domestic scenes, it was lovely to see them both just falling back into a spot where their lives were intertwined. Loved Serkan driving her to work at the hotel, and then driving her home again when she quit. Not to mention how supportive he was, I'm not sure how she didn't either jump him right then and there or start crying in relief, when he was telling her she has the talent to be doing bigger more prestigious jobs and now that he was here to help she could do it. Eda's had support in raising Kiraz from Ayfer and Melo, but they really don't understand her career. Serkan understands. He is the life partner she's been missing.

Eda and Serkan seem to be on the same page as far as their families interference, being annoyed at both Ayfer and Aydan, I'm glad to see neither trying to defend mother/aunt to the other. Eda also seemed annoyed by Serkan moving his office to her house for the day, and she made several inferences, as she's been doing, about him putting work first. This is completely understandable, IMO. He left her on their wedding day for work, and he used "work is the most important thing to me" as the reason both times he broke her heart. Yes, after the fact, she found out that there were other, much bigger reasons and work was just the excuse, however that doesn't erase her deep-seated, pavlovian-like response she has to him seeming to prioritize work. She lived five years, raising their child alone, thinking he loved work more than her. It's completely natural that she's holding onto that for a bit. And it's okay if he needs to prove to her that he can prioritize her and Kiraz over work before she lets it go completely. I get it.

As I said, I enjoyed Serkan trying to trap her with the mood mug, that's the kind of gentle friction and comedy I'm here for. Of course he does catch her later on the phone admitting that she loves that he's there and it's game, set, match. For Serkan. I think we're all glad he won that bet. However, him removing his bed on the floor was a bold move and he pretty much deserved her locking him out after he did it. I read a lot ridiculous discourse on this, and my response is: you're taking this show too seriously again. This is a romcom move, it was done for comedy, and I promise you Serkan is able to fend for himself. If he didn't want to be kicked out, he shouldn't have tried to force his way into her bed again. Waaaaay presumptuous, man.

Buuuuut... how did Serkan get off the balcony? I don't know, but as I said he can fend for himself. Dude probably spent the night on the living room couch. Serkan's sneezing was cute, but being cold doesn't give you a cold. Maybe it's an allergy from too much time outdoors, lol. LOVED Serkan smoothly convincing Eda to come back to the office. If he'd approached that directly, it might have been a weeks long endeavor to get her to make ArtLife her office, but Serkan building the play school was genius! He never wastes time, that guy. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but this was impressive.

It warmed my heart how they fell so easily into working side by side. Casual conversations about what they were working on, and, you know, randomly deciding to go on a family trip to Italy with your estranged lover, as you do. Which all led to one of my favorite scenes... dinner! They got back to honest, open communication and it was lovely. Thankfully, Eda stopped letting him think she was running off to spend time with Burak and I adored Serkan coming clean and allowing himself to be vulnerable in admitting that he'd made the dinner for them and that he'd been upset when she didn't show. That's how you make progress. Just beautiful.

As for the "we need to all tell the truth" scene, that was silly, but if it gave us Aydan's secret being revealed I'm a-okay with it. About time! Buba was once again annoying and it was cathartic for Serkan to be able to tell him he doesn't like him. Same, Serkan. Seriously, can he and Ayfer fall in love and move to the country to run an Alpaca farm or something? The hospital scene was very poignant, I wrote more about it here. Now what I need is for Eda and Serkan to walk out of that hospital room and, out of relief, fall into the tightest hug. Crossing fingers!

[echo-bleu]

By The Sword

Malex Musketeers AU. I’m reposting this little series here (from AO3) ahead of the @alterarnm fic I’m hoping to finish by Thursday (movie fusion, though it’s a show). This was originally written for the Whumptober prompt “Stab Wound” but it also fits with today’s theme “Pre-1900s”.

Alex barely makes it all the way to the garrison before he collapses. He falls to his knees the moment he's inside the large doors, with no energy left in him to make it to his quarters.

“Captain!” someone calls out. “Liz! Maria! The Captain's back, and he's injured!”

“Alex!” This time it's Maria's worried voice. Alex feels her crouch beside him. “Alex, what's wrong? Where are you hurt?”

“Shoulder,” he murmurs. Maria gently pries his hand away from the wound on the inside of his left shoulder, not far above his heart, and hisses.

“Alex, you got stabbed?” she asks. “Kyle, get over here!”

“Alex!” Liz calls, joining them.

“I'm okay,” Alex murmurs, trying to stand back up.

“No you're not,” Maria says. “You have a stab wound and you've lost a lot of blood. Now how about you let us get you to bed?”

Alex just nods and relents. Liz slings his right arm around her shoulders and pulls him up. Alex tries not to put too much of his weight on her, but between the bloodloss and his leg, he's unable to stand under his own power. Liz supports him without flinching, though. She may be short, but she's stronger than she looks−otherwise she would never have made it through Musketeer training.

Maria stays on the other side for balance, though she doesn't touch his arm. Alex is grateful for that, because he almost passed out the last time he tried to move his shoulder. The three-hour ride back to the garrison has been hell.

Kyle, the garrison's doctor, joins them halfway to Alex's quarters, his medical bag in hands. He helps Liz lower Alex onto his bed and immediately starts removing Alex's leathers.

“Your shirt isn't salvageable, but these can be cleaned,” he says, handing them off to Maria. “Good leather is pricey.”

“Kyle, no offense, but we don't really care about his uniform right now,” Liz says, annoyed. “How about the wound?”

“Get me some water to clean it out, and I'll tell you!” Kyle rolls his eyes.

Alex only barely follows the conversation, exhausted. He grits his teeth as Kyle runs a wet cloth on the partially scabbed wound.

“It's not life-threatening, as long as it doesn't get infected,” Kyle diagnoses. “But it definitely needs stitches.”

Alex winces. He expected it, but it's never fun. He's had his fair share of injuries over the years−more than his fair share, actually, since an infected wound took his right leg in the last war. Everyone expected him to retire then, or at least retire from the field, as he'd just been made Captain, but he got thoroughly bored of desk work after a week, and Liz and Maria were simply not as good a team without him. So he worked his ass off to get back on his feet and train to fight with his new prosthetic, and within less than a year, they were the best Musketeer team of all Antar again.

Liz hands him a glass. “Bourbon,” she says. “You're going to need it.”

Alex nods his thanks. He barely has time to swallow the drink before Kyle digs into his injury, checking for dirt, and he arches back, biting back a scream. Liz offers him a cloth to bite onto.

“I'm going to bind your arm to your chest for now so you don't tear the stitches,” Kyle says when he's done with the stitching. By then, Alex is exhausted and covered in sweat, so he doesn't protest. His leg has definitively cured him of his tendency to take injuries lightly, anyway.

He gestures to his leg, which is painful and raw after the abuse it took today. “You want me to remove it?” Liz asks. Alex nods.

“So, who was it this time?” Maria asks, while Liz pulls of his boot and works on the latch of his prosthetic.

“My father's men, who else,” Alex answers tiredly. “But they had someone else with them, I couldn't see his face.”

He could swear he recognized his stance, though. But it's impossible. The man it belonged to is long dead. But the way he ducked left, right before plunging his blade into Alex's shoulder…

Alex doesn't know many people who can fight that well. He's one of the best swordsmen in the kingdom, even now, and this person bested him like he already knew all his tricks.

He ponders on that for a long time, after the other file out of his room. He's spent but restless, the pain preventing him from sleeping for more than a few minutes at a time. He can't find a comfortable position to lie in. His free hand keeps going to the pendant around his neck, as his thoughts wander. He traces the gold ring, and then the medallion, without opening it.

Why did this man, cloaked and hooded, remind him so much of the man he once almost married?

He swipes at his eyes before the tears can fall, angry with himself for letting his thoughts take him there. Of course that man wasn't Michael: Michael has been dead for ten years. The anniversary is coming up, Alex realizes. He died the day their wedding was set to take place, a reflection of his father's twisted mind. Ten years, in less than a week. Maybe that's why Michael was on his mind so much today.

Sitting up, Alex decides he's done lying in bed. He can be careful of his arm and still make himself useful. Putting his prosthetic and his boots back on is hell with only one hand, but he manages after a few minutes. He rummages his chest for a clean shirt and pulls it over his head awkwardly, leaving the left sleeve empty as his arm is strapped to his chest.

“Alex!” Liz exclaims from the courtyard, when she sees him coming down the stairs. “You shouldn't be out of bed yet!”

“I'm fine,” Alex says. “Don't worry, I'll be careful.” He knows Liz is just as scared as he is of him getting another infection, but he really wants to shake off her concern. This whole business has put him in an awful mood, and the fact that he's light-headed from bloodloss and in pain doesn't make it better. “Anything happen while I was gone?”

“The king requested us to escort his children tomorrow back from the summer palace,” Liz says.

Alex sighs. “Are we on babysitting duty again?”

The twin prince and princess, Max and Isobel, who are about Alex's age, aren't really as annoying as children, but they tend to scoff at having bodyguards, and regularly ignore the Musketeers' safety requests. They like to travel a lot, especially between the royal houses all over the country, and the king has taken to requesting his best Musketeers to guard them since the latest threats on their lives, even though it should be a job for his royal Guard. But everyone knows Valenti's Musketeers are better fighters than Manes' Red Guard, especially with Alex Manes at their command. Something that angers his father to no end.

“They're not that bad,” Liz shrugs. “You won't be going anyway, you're injured.”

“And you're not saying that at all because you have a crush on Prince Max,” Maria interjects, handing Alex a bowl of soup as he sits at the table. “How are you feeling?” she adds to Alex.

“I'm okay,” Alex says. “Just sore.”

“You're the one who keeps flirting with Princess Isobel,” Liz retorts to Maria. “What, you thought I hadn't noticed?”

Alex shakes his head at his friends' antics. They've been inseparable ever since he first joined the Musketeers. They're the best of friends in every situation, funny and supportive. With them, he even forget, sometimes, the life he left behind.

“What's got you so worked up?” Maria asks, and Alex realizes he's gotten lost in his thoughts again. His hand has made its way to his pendant against his will, and Liz and Maria are both giving him knowing look.

Over the years, they've become really good at gauging his moods, and especially at noticing when he's taken by bouts of melancholy. He's never told them anything of his former life, and he doesn't intend to, but they know which subjects to avoid.

“Sorry,” he says. “Just...I hate being injured.”

“We know,” Liz says, putting her hand on his arm. “But you still need to rest up, okay?”

“I know,” Alex sighs. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees someone march up to them. “And I guess it's time for me to report,” he adds, standing up to welcome Commander Valenti. “Commander.”

The woman looks him up and down with severe eyes.

“Captain. Who did you piss off this time?”

Six days later, Alex is in the foulest mood. He's been dreading this anniversary for months, and it's proving as bad as he thought it would be. Everything is going wrong. His arm still isn't healed enough to use, now resting in a sling, so he's been on desk duty for the last few days, and he's remembering exactly why he hates it. And then, whether the effect of his injury or simply the time of the year, the nightmares started. The anniversary of the day he lost his fiance and the day he lost his leg are just two days apart, and it's always a bad time for him, filled with alcohol and fevered dreams.

His team is set to spend the day at the palace again, and this time the King specifically asked for his favorite Musketeer despite his injury. Alex doesn't understand why, but as he's not bed-bound, he has no choice but to obey. He hoped to be able to take the day off and drink the pain away, but the universe is against him. To top it off, both his shoulder and his leg are killing him, and he's forced to ask an aid to hold his horse's reins on the way to the palace, because he barely has enough balance to keep himself on the saddle.

“Come on,” Liz tries to motivate him, as he mopes on his horse. “It's going to be okay. There's to be some kind of celebration planned, for some noble guy who just came to court.”

“That's usually not good news,” Alex remarks. “Means we'll have to be twice as vigilant.”

“Leave that to us,” Maria says, bringing her horse to his other side. “Just because the King requested you doesn't mean you should overtax yourself.”

“My father will be there,” Alex sighs.

“And you can't help showing off your Musketeers in front of him, in hope that he'll acknowledge your accomplishments someday. Alex, you don't need him. Everyone knows you're better than him.”

“He's still the Prime Minister, and he has the King's ear. He could have me executed if the fancy took him to see me gone.”

“The King loves you far too much for that,” Liz says. “That's why your father is reduced to sending his Reg Guards to fight his battles and try to off you in a skirmish.”

Alex sighs and readjusts his sling. “We're here,” he says.

As usual, the day at the palace involves a lot of waiting around and standing guard, far more than Alex's leg should really be put through today. But sitting in front of the Royal Family is simply unthinkable. He watches Prince Max and Princess Isobel, lounging in comfortable armchairs under a canopy, with envy and a twinge of resentment.

“Who's this?” Liz asks him, midway through the day. She discreetly points to a man on the other side of the canopy. He's wearing red like the Red Guards, but his uniform is richer and perfectly clean, and his stance isn't that of a guard. He has a hood over his head, hiding his hair and his face. Alex frowns. Someone who can get away with hiding his identity in the middle of a royal event must be high-ranking, probably from the Royal Family, but he can't think of who that could be.

“Watch him closely,” he tells Liz. There's also the option that he's an imposter.

He's not. Minutes after Liz notices him, the man approaches the canopy at a sign from the King. The king stands up, and everyone immediately stops talking.

“I would like to introduce to the court my natural son, Michael,” the King says, one hand on the man's shoulder. Alex feels his breathing pick up, like his body has already figured out what his brain refuses to understand.

The mysterious man reaches up and removes his hood.

“Thank you, my King,” he says, kneeling quickly. “I have lived my whole life in the shadows, and I will go back to a modest life as soon as my purpose is complete. I have come to court for one reason only: to challenge Captain Alex Manes of the Musketeers to a formal duel.”

Alex gapes. Liz and Maria rally around him, confused. “What?” Liz frowns.

Michael stands back up, and turns to look straight at Alex. It feels like a punch to his gut.

“But why? Alex, do you know him?” Liz presses in a murmur. The court is getting agitated, the announcement raising eyebrows. A King introducing a natural-born son to give out a title and a land is not uncommon, but for that son to challenge the Captain of the Musketeers? That's unheard of.

“Yes,” Alex mutters, still in shock.

“Who is he?” Liz asks.

“Michael was my fiance,” Alex says. “My dead fiance.”

“What?”

“He can't be alive,” Alex breathes. “It's not possible. He was hanged because of me.”

Liz looks about to shake him, but she's interrupted by Michael raising his hands. “Do you accept?” he shouts across the space between them.

“But he's injured!” Maria shouts back.

“No,” Alex says, squaring his shoulders and taking a step forward. “Reparations are deserved. I will duel you. Choose your field of honor.”

He meets Michael's eyes for a moment, and the emotions are almost too much to keep inside. Alex feels like he's going to burst. Michael is alive. The man he's missed so much that he would have ended his life, had the Musketeers not given him a purpose again.

Michael takes a step back and looks toward the King, who nods.

“You will duel here,” he says. “The two of you are likely the best swordsmen in my kingdom. This should be entertaining. Please refrain from killing each other, though. Although my court may well be bloodthirsty enough to enjoy the show, I have uses for both of you.”

Michael bows deeply, and Alex scrambles to do the same. His leg gives out of under him, and Liz has to hold him up as he straightens again.

“Elizabeth and Maria will serve as my seconds,” he says when he's balanced again, waving at his friends. “Who are yours?”

“Oh, I was hoping for sweet Maria,” Michael tilts his head. “Are you as good with the sword as you are in bed?”

Alex looks at Maria in shock.

“I didn't know who he was,” she whispers hurriedly. “It was just a drunken hookup.”

“I know Michael,” Alex murmurs back. “He's a charmer alright, but he didn't approach you by chance. He was fishing for information.”

Maria frowns in anger. “I'll stay with my friends, thank you,” she shouts across the field.

“Then, will my King allow his daughter to second me?” Michael asks, bowing respectfully. “Obviously the heir cannot risk a hair on his head,” he adds with a smirk to Max.

“Did you have to make me second choice?” Isobel whines.

“You can never be a second choice, dear sister,” Michael assures.

It's only then, that the King's proclamation from earlier makes it to Alex's brain. Michael is the King's son. How is it possible? A man who came to him poor and alone, with no family and no name, is the King's bastard? A man, as he discovered, convicted and branded for thievery?

Did Michael know his heritage, back when they were together? Did he hide that from Alex, too?

For the first time today, Alex looks over to the chair to Max's right, a little to the back, where his father sits. Jesse Manes gives him back an enigmatic look. Alex has no way to know if he knew about this, if he knew that Michael was alive and who he was this whole time. He closes his eyes in dismay.

“I will allow it,” the King says. “Now prepare yourself.”

“Alex,” Liz shakes his good shoulder. “Are you sure you can do this? You don't look good.”

“I'll be fine,” Alex says. He doesn't know if that's true. He's the one who taught Michael to fence, and even back then, he was amazingly good at it. God only knows how much he's improved in the last ten years. And he's able-bodied and uninjured, while Alex can barely stay on his feet.

He's read to be beaten, though. It's only what he deserves.

He removes his sling, keeping his left arm close to his body. It's useless, but he needs to be able to move for balance. He gives Maria his hat and his blue uniform cape, and draws his sword. He'll give Michael a run for his money, if nothing else. Michael has always enjoyed the challenge.

Trying not to limp too much, Alex approaches Michael, in the middle of the field everyone else has vacated. They have an audience, a good portion of the court. Duels are a highly-valued form of entertainment to the noble class.

When he's close enough to Michael, he turns toward the King to bow deeply, then gives Michael a smaller bow, without taking his eyes off him. Michael returns it with a smirk.

“You look good in blue and leathers,” he says, low enough that only the two of them can hear.

“How are you alive, Michael?” Alex asks in the same tone.

“Not thanks to you,” Michael shrugs. “I've come for revenge. You had me hanged!”

Alex averts his eyes.

His father gave the order, when Michael was exposed as a thief and a fraud, and Alex wasn't strong enough to stop it.

That's why he joined the King's Musketeers. To become strong enough.

“Fight!” the King shouts.

Alex raises his sword.

I’ll be posting part 2 in the next few days, and then the new stuff Thursday or whenever I manage to finish it.

[agustdomain]

All The Pieces Fall

Synopsis: Some pieces mismatch, but some pieces fall into place. They figure out a way to create a beautiful and unlikely picture. Here’s how a few lives intertwined on this holiday, making it count. 

Word Count: 26.4 k words

Genre: Holiday, Friendships, Not present lover, Christmas Fluff

Warnings: It’s really long. Haha I’m sorry. And a sprinkle of angst throughout.

Members: All 7 of them. Hoseok as a brother, Yoongi as a lover, the rest will make their respective appearance (;

Author’s Note: This work is highly special to me. I was supposed to post it last Christmas, but didn’t finish it and vowed to finish it this year. And I accomplished that goal! I am so happy with how it came out. It’s not perfect, but it’s beautiful. And I think that’s reflected in how the piece unravels. Hope you enjoy! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! ~ Angelo

For as long as she could remember, she was a sentimental person. She enjoyed the smaller details, she collected items that may seem confusing to those who didn’t know her well and at the end of most nights, she enjoyed reminiscing about the people and the things that she loved. Earlier on in life, she knew there were rare feelings that she wouldn’t find anywhere else; when she was a teenager, she documented them and if she ever discovered new and rare feelings, she’d add them to the list. 

First love. Concerts. And the feeling of Christmas. 

There were only three experiences that sparked those rare sensations, but every time she pulled that little note out, it made her smile. Rare feelings aren’t something to be sad about. 

She was aware that many people considered Christmas their favorite holiday. That in itself wasn’t rare. What’s rare is the feeling that blooms in her chest every 24th of December, and what lasts until she goes to sleep on the 25th. Her friends would call her a poetic romantic, always trying to articulate what or how something makes her feel. Christmas was one of the only experiences she certainly couldn’t capture in words. It was too rare, too stunning, too… ah, she couldn’t find the words. 

What she could confirm is that her heart always swelled seeing those she loved surrounding her, the look of joy on their faces unforgettable. The air was warmer on those days, the lights softer. Smiles were more lovely. It’s the Christmas air, her brother Hoseok would say. Perhaps that’s what it was. 

Christmas was the closest, she believed, to the feeling of pure bliss. 

It always has been that for her, and it always will be. Sometimes, things go wrong and it doesn’t seem like Christmas will be the same. Somehow, in some way, it always works out. Even if it’s the slightest shift. 

This winter was the most helpless she ever felt. As her favorite day grew closer, a piece of her hope would splinter off. Her brother didn’t seem to be coming home from university, her parents weren’t batting an eye, and it might be the first Christmas without him. 

She wouldn’t lose faith, though, not yet. Christmas wasn’t over until the clock struck midnight welcoming the 26th. 

This particular holiday always had a funny and inexplicable way of surprising her. She assumed this year wouldn’t be any different. 

She could only hope that even if it’s different, it still captures that feeling she craves all year long. That’s all she wanted as a gift. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Christmas Tree 

“Have you talked to your brother recently, Y/N?”

The words sent her stomach dropping, finding it hard to resist asking her mother to repeat herself out of shock. She knew her mom wouldn’t be happy if she did so. Frankly, she had expected anything but those words to leave her mouth. She had been home for a few days now due to being on winter break as well as scheduling time off of work. Being surrounded by her childhood memories, portraits of her and her brother, and simply being reminded of how Christmas might be different this year, had left her moping around. She was too guilty to admit it aloud, but she found her mother partially responsible for their circumstances. Truly, she did not expect her mother to ask her that one morning after waking up.

It was her favorite time of year, the Christmas season. It was the most blissful experience, so brief and a wonderful rush that fills her once it’s around the corner. The day itself was highly anticipated, but it ended so fast it was almost like it never came. Now that she was a little older, the experience had transformed into an entirely different experience. It was more about giving instead of receiving, and she couldn’t get enough.

That particular morning, she had been lounging in the living room watching a Christmas movie on tv. Her mother joined her shortly after she woke up. Not thinking much of it, she assumed her mom was just joining her to watch the movie. She had not expected her to ask her such a loaded question, and one about Hoseok at that.

She spoke slowly and carefully. “Uh, I haven’t. Why?” 

A brief silence, and it was enough to let her know what she needed to know. More than anything, growing up in her home, her and Hoseok  recognized early on that their parents’ silence typically had to do with their pride. If it was related to an issue and they were responsible for apologizing, it took even longer for them to set pride aside. Hence, their familiar silence. 

“What are his Christmas plans?”

To be fair, she didn’t know the answer that question either. At the realization, her heart sank.

There weren’t enough words to describe how much she loved her brother. Hoseok was his name, and that even conveyed how warm and soft he actually was. He was an enigma, mostly because somehow the moment anyone met him, they fell in love. Even if he spoke two words, they became enamored. Growing up, bringing her friends around her bright brother was fascinating because afterward, they were all smitten. When they were young, it was his friendliness and excitable personality that drew in everyone they met. As they both matured and grew, and he became the young man he was today, people simply fell for everything about him. All of that didn’t matter, though, because above everything else he was her brother. She and Hoseok had an unbreakable bond, one that wasn’t just because they were siblings but also because of a friendship built on years of closeness.

What she lacked, he embodied and vice versa. She loved him and supported him in everything he did. 

Earlier this year and just after Christmas, Hoseok had announced that he had changed his major. It wouldn’t be such an issue if he had been changing to anything but photography. 

When he was eight years old, he had gotten a camera as a birthday gift from their grandpa. Not just any camera, though. Their grandpa had gifted him a Yashica Mat 124G. At the time, Hoseok knew next to nothing about photography. What mattered to him that their grandpa, who was his favorite person in the world, had gifted him something so special to him. Once Hoseok clicked the cranked it and clicked the shutter, there was an everlasting love in his eyes. 

She was six at the time, but she knew her brother had been changed by this gift from their grandpa. 

Since then, his love for capturing the world had never ceased, only expanded with time. It was why she was utterly surprised a couple of years before he graduated high school, and  told her he had chosen psychology as his major instead.

Although their parents loved him dearly, they were too afraid of the unknown that came with pursuing a career in any type of art. At the age of eighteen, he would have done anything to appease their parents. So he settled for his second passion, which happened to be psychology. It made their parents relieved. It made her brother passive. That was over three years ago.

Last year when he was home for Christmas, he confessed to a lie that he had been telling his family since before his sophomore year in college. It had really been plaguing him; she could tell he was hiding something long before that moment. He was on his third year of university, and he had been carrying the secret with him for so long. She had watched as the words slipped past his mouth, about how he was on his second year now of majoring in psychology. She watched the life return to his eyes as the weight lifted from his shoulders. That’s all that mattered.

The repercussions were deadly, the biggest explosion between her family she had ever witnessed. It had been about a year since the fight, but she tried to avoid thinking about it as much as possible. She hated remembering how thundering her father’s voice sounded in the house, rattling the house. She hated seeing her brother transform as he was backed into a corner,  how Hoseok reciprocated with an even bigger storm in his eyes. She especially hated witnessing her brother’s heart break as their father treated him like he wasn’t welcome anymore. The night had ended in shambles, her brother leaving back to school a week early. 

Since then, her father and brother hadn’t spoken. And their mom only occasionally checked up on him, in fear of breaking down and in fear of making it worse. She knew how much it was killing both sides, but Hoseok wanted their dad’s approval and their dad was too stubborn to concede. At this rate, she was afraid for not only Christmas, but for the future.

“I haven’t asked,” She paused, carefully wading through, “Do you want him to come?”

Silence. Then tiptoeing. “He is welcome to do whatever he pleases. Seems that’s what he does anyway-” 

“Mom, enough. Do you want Hoseok to spend Christmas with us or not? Are you really going to let him spend Christmas alone all because he loves something you don’t?”

And she didn’t know if it had been the conviction in her voice, or if it was solely because she missed him so much, but her mom’s next words were exactly what she wanted to hear.

“I want my son home.”

~~~~~~~~~~

That afternoon, after settling down from mulling over her mother’s words over and over, Y/N found herself contemplating the home around her. The home she grew up in, the one that she and Hoseok played tag in and got scolded for running in, the one where her and Hoseok teamed up against their parents in debates and got scolded for as teens. Of course, there were both good and bad memories tied to this house. More than anything, it was their home. Usually, she loved being home completely. It was different, knowing that her dad didn’t welcome Hoseok anymore.

Yet, their parents welcomed her with sweet smiles and warm hugs. Her dorm wasn’t even far, a brief drive away to be quite honest. She had chosen the nearest university to her family because a) it had the major of her dreams and b) she was near her family. With the swarm of school and work, however, she didn’t get to visit as often as she’d like. Yes, that’s why she didn’t visit regularly. It wasn’t because it reminded her of the strain in her family.

It was at dinner that night that she found herself thinking about Hoseok once more. As she sat across from her parents and quietly ate her dinner, she remembered Hoseok’s laugh ringing in the air last Christmas, his smile as she unwrapped her gift from him. Their entire lives, his laugh had always been loud, sometimes obnoxious. It never failed to pull a laugh from her. Even now, a smile tugged at her lips as she recalled how she’d hit him with a throw pillow every time he’d laugh too loud late at night. He would only send her a mocking glare every time she told him to shut up, not worried at all about being caught watching t.v. late on a school night. 

Her smile faded as she remembered how he was a boulder to cover her from the harsh winds of life. When school was overwhelming and he’d find her crying over something she can’t even remember anymore, he would wrap her up in his arms and remind her he’ll always be there. He would say that with her spirit, the world doesn’t stand a chance. She always used to wonder how could it be possible that he viewed her the same way she saw him.

He was a bonfire. People were drawn to him and his warmth. He would never let her hear the end of it whenever she compared herself to him. Thinking of that,  his words rang in her ears. I’m not any better than you, Y/N. You are amazing, the most amazing sister I could ever ask for. Stop comparing yourself to me. Can’t we both be great?

“Y/N? Did you hear me?”

She looked up then, her attention being drawn to her mother. She was sitting to her right, her dad sitting right beside her. The setup almost made her happy. Almost. Except it wasn’t, not with Hoseok nowhere to be found. If he were here, he would be sitting right beside you at the table, finishing her plate when she grew full. Sometimes, their dad would jokingly insist she needs to finish her food. When he would leave the table, Hoseok would shovel all of her food quickly into his mouth, causing her to weaken with laughter as he finished, resembling a squirrel with filled cheeks. After swallowing, he would always say the same thing. “If I can’t finish your leftovers, what kind of brother does that make me?”

“What did you say?”

“I was telling you that the Parks can join us for Christmas Eve after all. It’s been so long since we’ve spent Christmas Eve with them. Their son is back home, too, which is lovely. We haven’t seen Jimin since your guys’ graduation. Isn’t that crazy?” Her words successfully drew her attention, mostly because it had been a long time since she saw Park Jimin. 

Before she could respond, she felt her mother’s probing gaze. She knew what she was going to say. She wished she could stop her, but there was nothing she could do to avoid her teasing.

“I felt like I should let you know. I know you always used to have a crush on Jimin. I would hate for you to be caught by surprise after seeing him again.”

She clenched her fists with embarrassment, keeping her gaze trained on her plate as she pushed around her leftovers. No Hoseok to finish them for her. Hearing her dad’s exclamation, she braced herself for his dramatic reaction as her mom stifled a smile.

“Excuse me? You like the Parks’ boy? If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have ever let him spend the night-”

Her mom waved him off as Y/N cupped her forehead with embarrassment. “Oh, hush. He was friends with Hoseok. And so what if she has a little crush on him? He’s a good boy. Well, now he’s a young man.”

She tried her hardest to pretend her parents weren’t discussing her past crush while residing right across from her. Her thoughts were thankfully enough to keep her distracted. 

It was true that as she was growing up, Jimin had been the boy who made her heart race. He was the school’s sweetheart, mostly because he was sweet to everyone. Because he was sweet to everyone, her heart grew sweet on him. Back in high school, he had been one of Hoseok’s good friends. Having him around made it even easier for her to grow fond of him. 

He had only two girlfriends throughout high school, and each of them were treated like his queen. Whenever he spent time around her, he treated her the way Hoseok did. Back then, she didn’t know what loving someone was like. The way it felt, it was like he truly saw her. He looked out for her back then, bought her her favorite chocolate every time he came over. He even liked to ask her what new music she was listening to, because according to him she always had great taste. When Hoseok let it slip that Jimin had a Spotify playlist with all the songs she told him about, she knew she was head over heels for him.

She buried that crush deep within. He was not only Hoseok’s friend, he was her friend, too. His friendship meant the absolute world to her. The crush she harbored wasn’t deep enough to risk everything. 

At graduation, after she and Jimin took a picture in their caps and gowns, she had stared at the boy in his angelic eyes. They were going their separate ways, him moving across the country. She would always remember him as her childhood crush, the friend that meant a lot to her. And when his lips had brushed her cheek, and her entire body grew warm, she was okay with leaving those feelings right then and there.

Besides, by now she had truly experienced what love actually felt like, all because of a boy with jazz eyes and piano hands. Her parents didn’t know about him quite yet. So, you let them speculate about the Parks’ son. 

“Not that I don’t love talking about love with my parents,” She said sarcastically as she rose to her feet. She held back a smile at her dad’s highly unamused face and her mother’s amusement. “I’m going to head to bed.”

“This early? I know you don’t sleep until 3 am,” Her dad said, calling her out.

“You got me there,” She said, bending down to give both of them a kiss on the head. “Goodnight! Love you.”

Truth be told, she wasn’t tired at all. It was only 10 pm, but it was only a few days until Christmas Eve and time was working against her. For whatever reason, her heart was racing at her plans. This was Hoseok, for crying out loud. She was just afraid he would not take it well when she asked him to come home. 

She had texted him earlier to video chat with her tonight. He agreed, his text exclaiming how much he couldn’t wait to talk to his sweet “Paws”. She couldn’t distinguish whether or not the nickname he had given her a long time ago made her more sad or happy. All she could do was shove it aside as she prepared herself for the tough conversation she was about to have. 

The time had come, and as she shifted in her bed, she prepared herself for what was about to unravel. Inhaling deeply, she hoped for the best reaction. Unlike her parents, she stayed in constant contact with him. He didn’t really like to talk about their parents though, and she knew it was because it hurt him. She hoped this wouldn’t be too much for him.

Finally, his beaming face popped up on her screen and she quickly accepted the video chat, his face temporarily freezing in a buffered smile before it cleared up and she was staring at her brother’s live and in action face. It had been a while since they had video chatted, and staring at him made her realize how deeply she missed him.

Both of their smiles were unrestrained, and they excitedly got out their initial greetings.They talked about school for a while, discussing how their semesters went and what had been difficult about some courses. The topic shifted to work, Hoseok telling her about how he had recently gotten a job at a dance studio. He had gotten hooked up with an interview by one of his friends who majored in music production. He loved it a lot, hoping he would eventually get to be able to teach his own class. After the small talk, Hoseok’s smile died down and she could tell he was going to say something serious.

“I see you’re back at home.”

She didn’t control the surprise that filtered across her face. Nervously, she laughed. “Yeah, I am. For the holidays. Finally, I got some time off of work.” The smile she tried to hold didn’t last, her lips uncontrollably pursed before she decidedly dove in head first. “Speaking of the holidays, Christmas Eve is in three days…”

She didn’t like the cloud that covered Hoseok’s face, his eyes trailing off to the side. It squeezed her heart. Her brother was someone who should always be smiling. It made the world a lot more bearable. But she understood his dilemma. Their dad, who they both cherished, didn’t support the one thing he loved. It hurt her to know he was hurting. 

She continued, her voice sounding small all of a sudden. “Are you coming home for Christmas?”

His voice was just as small, quiet. “I can’t. You know that.”

“Yes, you can. You know you can. Mom and dad love you-”

“Dad sure has a funny way of showing it,” He scoffed, and she pretended not to hear his voice crack. She wished she could hold him tight, just like those times in school when she doubted herself. If only he were here. 

Shaking her head, she tried to find the words. By the look of his face and the sound of his voice, her heart sank with the oncoming disappointment.  “Hoseok, you know he only wants the best for you. We both know he’s  wrong in how he’s handling it, but he misses you. Mom misses you. I miss you.”

“Oh, they do? Then why hasn’t dad spoken to me since that night? How come mom can’t go one phone call without trying to convince me to switch majors, all to appease him? Why do I feel like I’m a villain for pursuing what I love?” He was crying, she could tell by the slight quiver in his voice. He had moved the camera so she couldn’t see his face. 

Her own cheeks were damp, but she ignored it. She was desperate at this point, fishing for the words to bring him home. She needed him here. 

“I want you here. And I know they want you here too. They’re just too stubborn to admit it.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I don’t want to be an outcast in my own parents’ eyes. I miss you so much. I’ll come visit you after Christmas break.”

“Hoseok-”

“I got to go. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“No, wait, please-” 

The call ended just like that. The silence right after was unbearable, her brother’s broken voice and broken heart ringing in her memory. The ring was deafening, painful.  She sat there a moment, frozen.  Although she knew there was a chance the call wouldn’t go well, a part of her had still hoped she would convince him to come home. Instead, her mind began to torture her the realization of what Christmas would be like this year sunk in.

Her face crumpled as her heart did. She wished so badly she could shake her parents and tell them to stop hurting Hoseok. Mostly, she wanted him here. 

~~~~~~~~~~

“Y/N!”

The next morning, she sluggishly trudged down the stairs and found her mother in the kitchen scrambling eggs. She stood in the doorway, watching her mom as she hummed a Christmas tune underneath her breath. Still tired from her restless night, Y/N found herself really looking at her mother. She knew her opinion of her parents had changed since that fateful night when her brother stormed out of the house, no intentions of coming back. She heard it in her mom’s voice yesterday, when she asked about Hoseok. And she saw it when her mom thought no one was looking, her eyes fluttering over the photos of her son hanging in the hall. She missed him just as much as Y/N did. 

“Oh!” Her mom slightly jumped at the sight of her. “You scared me. Sorry to wake you. I need you to run to the store for me and pick up a couple things. I would ask your dad, but he’s at work. It’s his last day before he’s off for a week!”

Her excitement was endearing, and a bitter part of her wanted to be angry at her mom for doing nothing when her dad chased Hoseok away. At the end of the day, she knew that her parents initially had good intentions, that they loved Hoseok and had only been trying to protect him. They simply let the problem spiral out of control and were too prideful to make amends. 

“Okay. Let me get changed.”

Before she knew it, she was driving to the grocery store. Since she woke up, her heart was weak at the memory of the video call last night. Hoseok’s hurt voice, his refusal as she pleaded. She tried to avoid thinking about him, but she couldn’t shake the sadness that came with the reality that he was not coming home. It would be her first Christmas without him, no one to wake her up to tell her to come downstairs. He wouldn’t be there Christmas morning, ready to start watching their favorite holiday movies. Who would finish her hot chocolate for her? Who would force her to dance to Christmas songs? Maybe it shouldn’t be as sad as she felt, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t shake the heaviness. A pivotal piece was missing. 

It was like she blinked and she was at the grocery store. She sat in the car for a moment, the ignition turned off and the previous warmth from the heaters dissipating. As the cold air seeped in from outside, she told herself to push down the negative feelings. She would figure it out. She would. For now, she would just focus on the task at hand. 

Stepping out of the car, she hissed at the frigid air, zipping up her jacket as tight as it would go. As she walked toward the entrance, she noticed on the other side of the parking lot there was a sectioned off area where real Christmas trees were set up. Before she went inside, she noticed people hauling off trees to their cars. It was quite the sight.

She bought everything off her mother’s list with no trouble. She was in and out rather quickly, pushing the cart out of the store and avoiding other frantic shoppers as much as she could. With the rapid approaching holiday, everyone was frantic and everywhere was busy. Somehow, she avoided all of it. Because of the music playing in the store, Jingle Bell Rock was stuck in her head. As she hummed it to herself, she gathered in her surroundings as she headed toward her car. 

Taking one last look toward the Christmas tree lot, something caught her eye- moreso, someone did. Narrowing her eyes, she stared for a moment before the familiarity dawned on her. A smile widened on her lips before she raced to the car and put all the groceries in the trunk. After she finished up, she put the cart away and rushed to the tree lot.

As she approached, her gaze trained on the familiar figure that had previously snagged her attention. And she was thankful she had noticed him, because it had been too long since she had seen him. 

When she was close enough, she felt her heart light up like the star on the top of the tree at home. He had let his hair grow long since the last time she saw him, but he was as handsome as she remembered. He was kneeling, fixing one of the Christmas trees that he had placed in a shopping cart. His face was flushed red, from exerting himself or from the cold she didn’t know. She smiled at the festive beanie he wore atop his head. 

Finally, he noticed her. His eyebrows furrowed for a slight moment before his face lit up like the sunrise. A grin formed as he rose to his feet. Without any hesitation, he approached her with open arms. She stepped right into his arms as he said her name with unadulterated happiness.

“How long has it been since I saw you?” He said, cold air seeping out past his lips. She couldn’t describe the joy that wrapped around her at the luck of running into her dearest friend. Kim Taehyung was someone that had entered her life as sudden as a shooting star. But he wasn’t brief, no, he was an everlasting sun. She had met him when she was fourteen, and had forged a friendship that hadn’t been broken by distance or time. Yes, she hadn’t seen him in months, due to different schools and lack of time. That didn’t change anything. And here he stood. And it was like no time had passed.

“I think August. I’ve really missed you, Tae.”

His smile was blinding, erasing the previous distressed emotions suffocating her. “Likewise. It’s been way too long. No one else puts up with my tomfoolery like you do.”

“Maybe it’s because you use words like ‘tomfoolery’.”

His laugh echoed in the air, drawing the attention of a nearby family looking at trees. Glancing at them, she offered up an observation. “Isn’t it a bit late to be looking for Christmas trees? Christmas Eve is in two days.”

Taehyung shrugged casually, adjusting the beanie on his head. “Yeah, but it’s always sort of been a thing my family does. We cut it pretty short to the day itself. We’re badass like that.”

“Or reckless.”

“I like badass more.” His smile died down then, his fond eyes looking her over. “It’s so good to see you. I was going to wait until Christmas to reach out to you. Crazy how it’s not that small of a town, but it never stops us from running into each other.. We have to hang out before you go back-” And something strange happened then. It was like something had physically stopped him from continuing, his eyes glazing over. She had known him long enough to see something was bothering him.

“Is everything alright?”

His eyes found hers once more, shaking it off before feigning a comforting smile. “Everything’s fine! Sorry! I just remembered something. Anyways, want to help me find a tree? Taeyeon wants me to bring the perfect one home!”

Something told her not to force him to tell her what’s wrong. So, she complied. For twenty minutes, she walked the lot with him, offering up her opinions and finding time in between to reminisce about old times. A part of her wished he still lived nearby during school. Shortly after she moved into her dorms, he moved to a nearby city about thirty minutes away. Though he wasn’t far, they were both busy with school and work, and hardly found time to see each other. If they found the time, she was positive he would be the person she spent all her time with throughout the year. 

Soon enough, he found what he deemed ‘The Perfect Pine’, and she helped him carry it to his familiar red Toyota. It brought back some dear memories, and she was unable to control her gasp of glee. After helping him secure the tree in the truck bed, the two of them stood facing each other. 

She patted the trunk. “Haven’t seen this old friend in a minute.”

“Dory missed you. Just like I did.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “I can’t believe you remember our nickname for it!”

“I know, right? We were so excited when I got this car. Named it and everything. Except we never even called it Dory, not even once.”

It was times like this that she truly missed about being younger. Sure, it hadn’t been too long since she had seen Taehyung. And she generally kept in good contact with him. But it wasn’t like when they were younger. It was good to see his face. 

His next question inevitably called back her sadness. It wasn’t his fault, because he couldn’t have known. However, there was no way to cover up the disappointment that washed over her face at his words.

“How’s my boy Hopeful? Haven’t seen your brother in ages. I miss him too.” At her prolonged silence, his hand reached out to her shoulder as he noticed her crestfallen face. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

Shaking her head, she sighed. “It’s… complicated. Let’s just say he’s not coming home for Christmas because he’s clashing with my parents. Has been for a while now.”

He sighed at the news, his hand unconsciously moving to rub her arm comfortingly. “I’m sorry to hear that.” His actions paused for a moment, as if he were pondering what he was about to say. It seemed he decided it was best to say whatever he was holding back. “Since when has an argument with your parents been this drastic though? And since when did that make Hoseok miss out on his favorite holiday?”

“It’s worse than it seems. Our parents don’t really support him and what he loves. And because of that, he doesn’t feel welcome.”

Taehyung frowned. “Your parents never seemed like they would be that way.”

“That’s the thing. They aren’t. My dad’s silence is just his pride. I know he misses Hoseok. My mom asked me to bring him home somehow. They want him here just as much as I do. They’re just too stubborn to make the first move. And Hoseok is hurt. He doesn’t want to make the first move because he’s afraid they’ll just do the same thing as last time.”

“So talk to your parents.”

“I have.” Her voice died, squeezing her eyes to make sure she didn’t get too emotional in front of him. 

“Have you truly talked to them? Have you told them they’re wrong, that in order to have him come home, they need to reach out to him?” 

She opened her mouth to respond but came up short. Because in a way, Taehyung hit the nail on the head. All these months, she hadn’t really called them out for their wrongs. She had only implied that they needed to be more understanding. For the first time since the night Hoseok stormed out, she realized that maybe she played a hand in this prolonged stalemate. Without outright calling them out on their behavior, they won’t think about what they’re doing. It was up to her to ultimately end all the turmoil.

“Tae, what would I do without you?”

He brushed off her compliment, his face drawn in a shy smile. “You would be fine.”

Lunging forward, she held him tight. “No, I wouldn’t. I have to head home, but we’ll hang out before I head back to the dorms. Have a Merry Christmas.” And in that moment, she didn’t register the grimace on his face. Maybe it was because of the stress of her family situation, that she didn’t even notice Taehyung’s own sadness lingering. At that moment, she had to get home and then get Hoseok home.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Mom, we need to talk.”

She turned at Y/N’s greeting, her eyebrows pulled downward in question.

“What took you so long? The list wasn’t that long.”

Brushing her arm dismissively, she explained, “The store was pretty busy. And I ran into Taehyung. But-”

“Oh, Taehyung! How is he? You haven’t brought him around in so long! He was always such a good friend to you-”

“Mom. We can talk about him later. We have something important to talk about.“

“Is everything okay, Y/N?” The concern in her eyes solidified her nerves, but she needed to push through. This talk was going to be hard, but she wasn’t walking away from it without getting her mom to see what’s right. If she failed, then she didn’t know how long her parents and Hoseok’s relationship would hang in a void. She couldn’t stand the idea.

“No. Everything isn’t okay. But it can be.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Her father came home to a gloomy house that evening. Both Y/N and her mother sat in a quiet living room that night, her mom’s stoic expression trained on a blank television. Her own gaze followed her dad’s movements nervously as he shrugged off his coat, meeting her look with his own questioning one.

“What’s going on? What are you guys doing just sitting here?”

“Dad, we need to talk.”

He stared at her for a moment, before he rubbed at his temple tiredly. “Can’t it wait? I’m pretty tired from work.”

“It really can’t. It’s important.”

She could sense his exasperation was building behind his expression, but she was thankful he was at least trying to be patient. “What’s it about?”

She was holding her breath, nervous for his reaction. Exhaling deeply, she just let go. “It’s about Hoseok.”

Disappointment filled her bones at the sight of him guarding his expression, looking the least bit responsive. “We’re not talking about him.”

“Dad, we have to. It’s almost Christmas-”

“So? What does that have to do with him?” His words stung and she unconsciously rose to her feet.

“What do you mean? It has everything to do with him. He’s your son, my brother. Christmas won’t be the same without him!”

“Whose fault is that? If he just listened to his parents-”

“Why would he listen to you if you guys were wrong-”

“I won’t have you disrespect me in my own house, Y/N. If you feel so strongly on the subject, why are you here? You can leave just like him.” His words extinguished any sort of fire previously lit in her veins. She heard her mother cry out in disbelief, but there was nothing else she could do. It seemed he was dead set on being prideful. 

Shaking her head, she muttered, “You’re unbelievable,” before turning on her heels and heading toward the staircase. 

“Y/N.” This time it was her mother, uncharacteristically quiet during the whole argument. Turning to look at her, something in her gaze comforted how upset she was. “I’ll talk to him. Just stay in your room for the night, okay?”

And there was nothing she could do. So she agreed. And she hoped her mother could pick up the pieces. Because if she didn’t, then maybe her family would never be the same. It was her biggest fear at this point. Aside from Christmas, what would their relationship with Hoseok look like in the future? It terrified her. 

She didn’t have to wait long to know how the conversation played out after she went to her room. It was a few hours later when her mom joined her, her hiding beneath the covers. The only light that filled the room filtered in through the hall. Quietly, she walked in and sat beside her.

Her silence unnerved Y/N, and she feared her mom was quiet because she was coming to bear bad news. She sat there in silence for a few beats, her heartbeat the only sound thundering in her ears.

Finally, she spoke.

“Your father is driving up to see your brother in the morning. He’s going to talk to him. And if your brother lets him, he’s bringing him home.”

Her words brought Y/N to tears.

~~~~~~~~~~

Stockings

The countdown was two days until Christmas Eve.

That was her first thought the next day when she awoke. The second thought that flashed in her mind was her brother, and how their dad was going to see him. With that thought, she ripped her blanket off of her and stumbled out of bed. She sprinted out of the room and to her parents’ bedroom down the hall. 

Pushing the door open, her heart rate spiked at the absence of her parents. Spinning around, she made her way down the hall and stairs, finding her mom lounging in the living room watching the news.

“Mom!”

Jumping at her voice, she shot her an irritated look. “Don’t scare me like that! What’s wrong?”

She paused, almost wondering if she had dreamt what she said last night. So she had to ask, just in case. “Did… did dad leave already?”

Her face morphed into realization before she soothed her with a soft look. “Yes, he headed out about an hour ago. He should be there soon. And if all goes well… Hoseok should be home by late afternoon.”

The words filled her with relief as the realization hit her like a knockout.. The words were exactly what she wanted to hear, an antidote to the potentially ruined Christmas. Slinking into the spot next to her mom, a thought struck her.

“How did you change his mind?”

She waved her hand before cupping her mug once more. She sipped at what she guessed was her morning coffee before she answered. “I’ve known your father a lot longer than he’s known himself. He didn’t need his mind changed when it was already where it needed to be. He just needed a little encouraging. He loves Honey and truly does want what’s best for him. All this time, he just needed to realize that Hoseok is in control of his life and is old enough to pick his own path. It’s just up to us to be there if he ever falls.”

Her heart tugged at the mention of the family’s nickname for her brother, then twisted at the sentiment of her mom’s words. She couldn’t help but hug her then, ignoring her playful protests. Soon, she was embracing Y/N back, her hands unconsciously moving to play with her hair. 

In a few hours, the family was going to be what it was supposed to be. And Hoseok was going to be right where he belonged. 

About an hour passed like that, her in her mother’s arms as she tempted Y/N to doze off. Her mom knew that playing with her hair was her ultimate weakness. It almost always led you to falling asleep. She fell asleep briefly before her mom adjusted in her seat and woke her up.

“Sorry, sweetie. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Yawning, she sat up straight in her seat. “It’s fine. I actually think I’m going to get some sleep. Before they come back.”

Her words seemed to please her mom, her eyes getting distant. “Yeah. When they come back.”

She groggily headed to her room then, every intention of hers to get some sleep. Just as she got in the most comfortable position, her phone began buzzing on the bedside stand. 

Groaning, she debated whether or not to ignore it but ultimately decided to reach out and grab it. Looking at the screen, her sleepiness faded at the sight of Tae-rex. 

“Tae! What’s up?”

“Hey. Did I wake you?”

“Nah, I’m just in bed.”

“I just wanted to check up on you, see how things are. Did you… talk to your parents?”

She couldn’t control the smile on her lips and permanently in her heart.. “I did. My dad is driving to pick him up as we speak.”

“That’s awesome! Y/N, that’s so great to hear! I’m happy for you.”

A laugh escaped her, even though there wasn’t anything funny. It just bubbled out from her body. All was well.

“Thank you, Taehyung. Something as simple as pointing out how I feel made a difference. If you hadn’t suggested it, who knows what would’ve happened?”

“It was all you. You’ve always had an influence on people. I admire that.” 

This time around, she wasn’t distracted by her sadness. Immediately, she picked up on his underlying solemn tone. Something was bothering him. 

“Tae, is everything okay?”

He hummed in thought.  It was never a good sign. It always told her everything she needed to know about how he was feeling. It was the sound he made when he didn’t know what to say, and the sound he made when he was hurting. To know that about him was an advantage and a burden, because it meant something was really wrong.

If possible, his voice dropped lower and quieter than it was before. “I’m fine. Why?”

“Something tells me that there’s something bothering you. Intuition, perhaps. Are you really fine?”

He was quieter a lot longer than she expected. Again, it told her all she needed to know. In a way, his silence answered the question. 

“I…” She knew how he worked. Two sides of him were battling, one side telling him to put up a front and the other to open up. Over the years, he started opening up and letting the latter win. Other times, it wasn’t easy for him. She wondered what side would win. She hoped he confided in her. “I’m not fine. It’s hard for me to say.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want, I just-”

“I do want to, though. You’ve always been there for me. Maybe I just wanted to pretend I was okay. Who knows? It’s just hard to say because I don’t want you to feel bad. I’m just trying to be tough for Taeyeon but…” Now, she knew what was coming. She gave him the time to sort out his words, to find them and tell her what was plaguing him. And when he did, her heart dropped.

Taehyung proceeded to tell her about how he had been working hard to make this Christmas an amazing one for his little sister, Taeyeon. She had always been fond of his sister, a youthful little girl who carried the same wondrous eyes of her older brother. And as Taehyung began to open up a little more, a lot more started to make sense. Questions that had poked at her in the past became answered in this moment. She hadn’t known that Taehyung’s mother wasn’t around as much as she had initially thought. Sure, Y/N had been good friends with him since they were fourteen. And she was aware that Taeyeon was his number one priority, that he loved his mom a lot but she wasn’t around as much as an outsider would expect.. 

She would have never guessed that his mom missed out on the holidays that played a part in their family, the holidays that mark a kid’s childhood, the weekends are spent with parents. It broke her heart to know that him and Taeyeon had only been experiencing Christmas with each other as company for who knows how long.

After he finished, she was holding back the pain in her chest and the tears that threatened to fall. He didn’t sound too sad, which meant he was comfortable with the situation. That could only mean this wasn’t the first Christmas his mom wasn’t around. It also must’ve meant he likely saw it coming. And it made the realization even worse.

“...And I didn’t tell you all this so you could feel bad for me. Taeyeonie and I are fine. I just… I was thinking about how sad she looks every time she opens her presents in the morning and only sees they’re from me. You know, on Christmas Eve I do nothing but watch movies with her to keep her distracted. But every time she hears a noise outside the door, her head snaps toward it. Like… like she’s expecting Mom to walk through it. It makes me angry. Because I want to give her the world, but I can’t give her the one thing I know would make her extremely happy. When she was younger, she used to ask questions, wonder why Mom wasn’t around on Christmas morning. Now, my blood boils because it’s like she already knows. She’s conditioned to it, like she doesn’t have to ask anymore. I can’t figure out which one feels worse.”

“Tae…”

“You don’t have to say anything. I know. I’m sorry,” His voice wobbled too, but he was strong. He always had been. 

“Don’t be. You don’t have to be sorry about this.” They both fell into silence, and she wanted to ease his pain, so badly it lit up her entire body. She wanted to embrace both him and Taeyeon, the starry eyed little girl who had her heart the first day she met her. She wanted to do everything in her power to ease their pain, even a little bit. Without any hesitation, she let your heart take the wheel. “Would you guys maybe want to spend Christmas Eve with us?” 

~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N and her mom were on the third episode of a sitcom when she heard a car pull up in the driveway. Pausing the show, they both listened. One car door slam, two car door slam, three-

Jumping up to her feet, she rushed to the front door, her heart soaring at the sound of her dad and Hoseok’s voices blending together as they approached from the other side. Throwing the door open, her eyes immediately connected with Hoseok’s smiley gaze. She launched herself toward him, his laughter breaking past his lips as he accepted her hug effortlessly.

“Hobi! I’m so happy!” She tried to keep the tears at bay, but she was almost in disbelief at the change of events. At this time yesterday, she was unsure of how Christmas was going to play out. She was melancholic at the thought of not seeing her brother. Here she was twenty four hours later, holding him and thankful at the unexpected turn of events. 

Not soon after, her mom interrupted their moment to hug him, her own face shiny with tears. Hoseok offered up a comforting smile to her, but his whole body was bouncy with happiness. Just like he always should be. The feeling in her chest couldn’t be put into words, she was utterly filled to the brim with joy.

Turning to her dad, she hugged him just as tightly. He held her, a chaste kiss being placed atop her head.

“Thank you, dad. Thank you so much.”

“No, Y/N. Thank you.”

“Who’s this?” Once again, her mom interrupted another moment she was having. This time, she had garnered everyone’s attention at her questioning. Y/N’s gaze followed her mom’s inquisition, her eyebrows rising in surprise. Amongst all the embraces and happiness, she hadn’t noticed a lone figure standing back, hovering a little awkwardly. 

He was young, possibly a little younger than her. His hair was dark and shielding his eyes. The clothes that adorned his body were just as dark as his hair. Even though his appearance was gloomy, he had quite the boyish face. 

“Oh,” Hoseok strode over to the quiet guy, his arm falling across his shoulder as he addressed her and her mom with yet another blinding smile. “This is Jungkook. He’s my roommate back at my university. He can be a bit quiet, but once he warms up he’s gonna be as loud as me.”

“Great. Just what we need,” She offered up jokingly. She laughed at the sight of Jungkook flashing Hoseok a disbelieving look. 

“Oh,” Their mom’s tone was surprised but pleasant. “Is he spending Christmas with us?”

“Yeah, he is. Is that fine?” It was the first time Hoseok’s smile disappeared, worry creasing his  face. But he should know better. Growing up, their mom was avid in one particular message during Christmas: no one should spend it alone. Although Christmas Eve dinner typically had the same faces every year, she and Hoseok would expect to see someone there that hadn’t been the prior year. Their mom was soft like that. 

“The more the merrier. It’s nice to meet you, Jungkook.”

~~~~~~~~~~

There was a rhythmic knock at her bedroom door, and she could recognize it anywhere. Considering Hoseok liked to knock the beat of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, it was pretty easy to distinguish. Leaning back in her desk chair, she called out that the door was unlocked. It opened to reveal her smiley brother, inevitably making her a smiling mess too. The joy from earlier hadn’t worn off quite yet and if possible, it felt like she had received an early Christmas present. That’s exactly was. Hoseok was a gift.

“It’s good to be home.”

“It’s good to have you home. It wouldn’t have been the same without you here.” At her words, he beamed even brighter. She wondered if there was anyone as warm as him in the world. She would argue that no, there wasn’t anyone that could compete. 

He trailed into the room then, letting a comfortable silence fall between the two of them. She watched him as he fondly took in her room, chuckling at the sight of a goofy photo of both of them on her bedside. It had been too long since she last saw Hoseok.

“Where’s Jungkook?” She asked, curious about his friend. 

“He’s fine. He’s on the couch playing a game on his phone. I’ll be down there soon.” 

She nodded before asking, “Mom and dad?”

“Went to bed. They said the day took a toll on them. I agree. It was quite the roller coaster.” He finished his statement by spinning and eyeing her, as if she was a suspect in some interrogation room. She met his gaze head on, playing innocent. He continued talking. “I never would have woke up this morning thinking that dad would show up at my apartment, scaring Kook and demanding to see me. When I saw him, I felt like I died. But he wasted no time to apologize, grumpy face and all.”

She laughed a little before getting up and facing him. “I’m glad you accepted his apology.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“They hurt you. And didn’t show their support.”

He merely shook his head before he responded, “I love them and I missed them. We all make mistakes. What I want to know is if this was all your doing?”

For whatever reason, she grew a little shy. “I played a hand. I argued with dad and thought I didn’t get through to him. Mom took care of it though. To be honest, Taehyung gave me the idea to confront them in the first place. I wanted my big brother home.”

His face dawned with realization before suddenly he lurched forward and held her in a light chokehold, rubbing his knuckles on the top of her head. She shrieked in protest, fighting to get away from his arms. He was being too loud, but she had a feeling their parents wouldn’t be barging in to scold them tonight. Gosh, she really missed him. Even his too-strong cologne was the same, practically burning her nostrils. Most people loved it, but she always said a softer scent would better suit him.

After he finished his assault on her head, she huffed and shoved him away gently. Glancing at herself in the mirror, she glared at the sight of her unruly hair. She wasn’t angry, though, she was too happy to have him here.

“My little teddy looks so precious when she looks like a witch.”

“Shut up before I punch you in the throat.”

Yeah, mostly happy.

His eyes went comically wide as he held his hands up in surrender. “Violent! Geez, don’t cast a curse or anything.” Just like usual, his attention shifted as he threw himself on her bed. “Tae, huh? How is he? I think I haven’t seen him since your graduation.”

“He’s…” She was going to say he was fine, but it felt like a lie. Hoseok caught her hesitation, watching her closely.. “He’s tough. I admire him and his strength. He has some things going on with family. I invited him and Taeyeon to Christmas Eve dinner.”

His face was filled with understanding, knowing not to prod. “Are they coming?”

“He said he would think about it. I won’t force him to. I hope they come though.”

“Me too. I always thought he was cool. Cooler than the other friends you brought around,” He gave her a funny look at her eye roll before continuing, “And I haven’t seen Taeyeon since your graduation either. How old is she now?”

“She’s eight now. And we all know how much she loves you.” She feigned bitterness, but it had made her happy years ago when Tae’s younger sister took a liking to her brother. It made it feel like they had two more siblings. 

“What can I say? I’m everyone’s favorite,”He joked, sitting up on her bed. 

“The fact that you don’t know that that’s the actual truth is annoying.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” He dismissed as he stood to his feet. “Now I think it’s time to carry out our Christmas tradition.”

“It’s not Christmas yet.” She smiled at his pointed look. 

“It’s hot chocolate time! And The Polar Express! You know that Kook has never seen it?”

She exclaimed in horror, following him out the room. “The audacity! Speaking of... Kook,” Hoseok smiled at her awkward attempt to use the boy’s nickname, “Is everything alright with him? He’s spending Christmas with us…”

Hoseok’s voice grew quiet, which was odd considering he was so loud in any given situation. “Everything’s fine. The weather wasn’t looking good and his family didn’t want him flying out today. They got him a flight for the day after Christmas. He was really down, and it was one of the main reasons I was going to stay on campus too. But dad showing up out of nowhere really put a dent in my plans. There was no way I was leaving him there alone. So here we are.”

If possible, she admired her brother even more. He had the biggest heart, and one day she hoped to be as selfless as him. Their talk ended there, arriving to the living room to find Jungkook doing the exact thing Hoseok had said he was doing. His gaze jumped up at the sound of their arrival. 

“Kook, it’s time for us to change your life.”

Coolly, he raised one eyebrow. She wished she knew how to do that. “That doesn’t sound good. What nonsense are you going on about now?”

“Watch it, kid. Remember who’s older.”

Jungkook sighed, turning off his phone before he asked again, “What do you mean, change my life?”

Hoseok smiled creepily, evading the question entirely by staring at his friend for a beat too long. She quickly grew impatient, so she reached over and lugged him in the arm. He shouted in pain, effectively ending his theatrics as he complained underneath his breath.

She said, “We’re going to watch The Polar Express. I heard you’ve never seen it.”

“Oh, yeah I haven’t. Hoseok nearly killed me when I told him. You offended too?” The guy had a bit of sassiness to him. It was kind of refreshing, given that a lot of Hoseok’s friends were just like him: warm and bubbly. Jungkook was different, more quiet but more witty and unafraid. 

“No, I’m not. It is going to change you though. Hoseok and I love it.”

“Well. Let’s see if it’s worth all the hype.”

She merely shook her head before taking the recliner, grabbing the remote and finding The Polar Express. About ten minutes into the movie, Hoseok announced that it seemed like it was the perfect time for hot chocolate. The only issue was, neither of them wanted to get up and make it. After having the movie paused for too long as the siblings stared each other down, she suggested a game of rock, paper, scissors to determine who gets up.

“No fair. You know I’m not lucky.”

She shrugged. “Oh well. Best two out of three.” He sighed, before raising his fist to get ready. 

Jungkook called it out for them. The first round, Hoseok chose paper and she chose scissors.

Hoseok cursed, his face scrunching in concentration. She wanted to laugh, but she didn’t want to risk getting him angry. The second round went to him, her shushing him when he celebrated a little too loud. 

The last round, the two of them must’ve read each other’s mind as they picked the same play three straight times. Finally, Hoseok took the round as winner. Jumping to his feet, he danced around wildly, his arms flailing like a seal before he began a smooth dance.

“We get it, showoff. You can dance,” She hissed, having to control the urge to lug him once more. She wasted no time heading to the kitchen. 

“Your sister’s funny,” She heard Jungkook try and say quietly but failing miserably. Seems he and Hoseok do have a few things in common. It eased the loss she just experienced, a smile on her face as she prepared three hot chocolates.

As she waited for the milk to heat, she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Pulling it out, her smile grew wider at the sight of her nickname for the person that pretty much owned her heart at this point. Reading the text, however, made her heart sink and her smile disappear. 

Yoyo:

Hey… I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’ll be making it back home in time. I’m working Christmas Eve and I couldn’t get it off. As for Christmas, I’m spending it with my family. 

I’m really sorry. I know you wanted me to-

She didn’t want to read the rest, the upset feeling overwhelming her as she set her phone down. Trying to get a reign on her emotions, she finished preparing the hot chocolates. Taking them to the boys, she gave them a weak smile before going back to retrieve her own mug. 

She remained pretty quiet for the rest of the movie, forcing a laugh every time Hoseok made a joke or Jungkook made a witty comment. Somehow, she managed to fool the boys into thinking she was okay. 

It seemed something really didn’t want this Christmas to go well for her. 

Yoongi wasn’t going to be here. 

“Psst. Y/N,” Jungkook whispered toward the end of the movie. Her eyes left the movie, trailing to him and seeing him gesture to her brother. A genuine smile tugged at her lips at the sight of a knocked out Hoseok, his head lulling on the armrest of the couch. 

She grabbed her phone, wanting to take a picture of the sight. However, the sight of another text made her pause. It was from nearly an hour ago, and she wanted to punch herself for not responding. She could only imagine how worried he must have been from her lack of response.

Yoyo:

I’m really sorry, Y/N. I know you’re upset. I really wanted to spend the dinner with you and your family. I know how much it means to you. I’ll make it up to you.

Shaking it off, she told herself she’d answer him later before she took a picture of her brother. She chose to pretend she didn’t notice Jungkook’s prolonged stare.

Soon enough, the movie ended and she realized it was officially after midnight. It was Christmas Eve. The thought both made her happy and sad. Although she was bummed Yoongi wasn’t going to make it, she was happy that Hoseok was home and that there was a chance she was going to make things a little easier for Taehyung and his sister. 

Yes, this was still going to be a good Christmas.

“What the?” Hoseok startled awake, his bloodshot eyes shooting to the now dark television screen. “I missed the ending?! Come on, it’s the best part! When the boy can hear the bell,” He gave up in his ramble, too tired as he lay back down on the couch. 

“You sleeping there?” She asked, amused.

He hummed, mumbling that Jungkook was taking his bed. She proceeded to go and grab him blankets and a pillow, assuming his last hum was a thank you. This holiday season was making her a little too emotional than usual, but she didn’t fight it as she ruffled his hair and whispered, “Goodnight, Hobi.”

“Night, Teddy.”

Jungkook followed in the walk upstairs. His voice was quiet, nervous to wake up her parents.

“Teddy?”

She sighed. “I’d rather not talk about that embarrassing memory.” 

He proceeded to nod in understanding. That is, until he responded with, “I see. I’m sure Hoseok will tell me the story when I ask.”

She gaped at him while he attempted to muffle a laugh. Leading him to Hoseok’s room, she pushed the door open and flicked on the lights. She paused in the doorway for a moment, taking everything in as she realized that Hoseok’s room was just like it used to be. Nothing really changed since he moved out three years ago, and the same went for her. She remembered the first year of college for him, and how incomplete the house had felt. The puzzle was back together again for the holiday.

“Wow. His room screams Hoseok.” Jungkook’s voice somewhere from behind her. She nodded along in agreement, taking in the one wall cluttered with movie posters, the longest wall with professional shots he took with his own camera, and the furthest wall painted white with black constellations. 

“It really is, huh? Kinda showcases how passionate he truly is.” She spoke fondly before stepping aside and letting him walk into the room. Jungkook moved past her, taking a moment before hesitantly sitting on his bed. 

“I really admire Hoseok. I’ll have to admit, when I first met him, he was a bit much. He’s just so… different from me. Different, but the same. It’s hard to explain.” Jungkook shook his head, his fringe moving in the process. Watching him like this, a boyish young man in the center of her brother’s room, made her feel… almost like younger Hoseok was before her. She did sense that about him, how he was different but similar to him Life was like that sometimes. Maybe that’s why he and Hoseok clicked. 

“I understand what you mean. Hoseok has that effect on everyone. Whenever I try and tell him how great he is, he doesn’t really see it.”

Jungkook stared back at her, confident and assured now. It was vastly different from her first impression of him. “That’s how most great people are.”

She held his gaze for a moment before cracking a smile and plopping down in Hoseok’s desk chair. Albeit, she had to move several articles of clothing to even sit down, but she didn’t mind. Hoseok was an array of color, touching every single surface and every single person. 

“Hoseok talks about you a lot, you know. I felt like I knew you long before I met you,” His eyes were distant, like he was a grandfather retelling stories to his grandchildren. He looked at peace, his smile easy. It was a sight to behold. A slight chuckle bubbled out from his chest, one that she didn’t think he was aware of, before he threw her for another loop. “You know, he sees you the way you see him. It’s pretty sweet.”

She could only blink at him, not really sure what to say. She knew how close she was to Hoseok, she just never really thought about how he viewed her. She thought the world of him, and according to Jungkook he saw her the same way. 

A confused but sincere smile found her lips. Something about Jungkook’s admittance was enough to dismiss anything that was hanging over her head, if only for a moment. And spending time around Jungkook quickly made her understand why Hoseok adored him. 

“Tell me about your family, Jungkook. That is, if you want to.”

Her words surprised him, she could see it in his face. He blinked once before he nervously laughed it off. “Sure. Well, I don’t know if Hoseok told you but I’m going home the day after Christmas. The weather is pretty bad on the way back home. So they thought it was best to hold off a day or two. My mom’s a bit paranoid like that. It’s okay, though, I understand. She’s…” And at the mention of his mom, stars flickered in his eyes. 

He jumped right in, describing this driven and passionate woman, unmoved by hardships and stern in her ways. He spoke so highly of her, and how he wanted to take care of her the moment he got out of university. He described her like she was the greatest woman in the world, and she adored that. She could tell how much he loved his mom. 

Soon, he was talking rapidly and passionately, his eyes glancing at her here and there but mostly in another world as he started retelling memories. His attention shifted to his dad and his brother, how similar the two of them were and how balanced they made him and his mom. Where he took after his mom, his brother took after his dad. Regardless of the differences though, they seemed like a tight knit family.

After awhile, Jungkook lost all of his fire to continue talking about them. But in its wake was a lovely boy with distant eyes and a soft smile. It made her heart squeeze, both out of happiness that she got to know a little more about him and sadness for the fact that he wouldn’t get to spend Christmas day with them.

“I’m sorry you’re not with them right now. But soon you will be. And I’ll make sure you have a good Christmas with us.” Her voice was strong, firm as she tried to reassure him that he wasn’t alone. 

He didn’t seem as down as he was before though, choosing to nod with a smile. He whispered a thank you, the smile still present and reassuring her. It baffled her, because it should’ve been the other way around. She got the feeling that Jungkook wasn’t the type that liked to be worried about. However, in the short time knowing him, she was another person on his side.

Before she bid him goodnight, he left her with a short statement that melted her heart. 

“You know, you remind me of my mom. And if that’s anything to go by, I can tell you are someone I’ll love having around.”

And as she dozed off, a smile flickered on her lips. She held onto that feeling, refusing to let any of her worries creep in. When you’d wake, it would be Christmas Eve.

~~~~~~~~~~

The Nutcracker

She woke up to the sound of Hoseok’s booming voice. 

Any other day and it probably would have irritated her. But it was finally Christmas Eve, and she could bear the sound on this particular day. After she cleaned herself up, she headed downstairs to find an odd but endearing sight. Her dad was sitting at the table with both Hoseok and Jungkook, in the middle of telling them a story.

“Isn’t this an interesting sight?” She uttered at her mom as she walked past with her coffee mug. She shot her a look of agreement, but she could see in her mom’s eyes that she was just as happy as she’s been since Hoseok arrived.

“Sleeping beauty finally decided to join us!” Her dad acknowledged her, his eyes twinkling with his own joy.

“More like Maleficent,” Hoseok attempted to subtly tell Jungkook, but they all know his lack of whispering skills.

She shot him an irritated look, which he tried to soothe with his beaming smile. It worked.

“So. What’s on the list of to dos before dinner tonight? I know Mom has something planned for us all,” She sighed, pulling out the chair across from Jungkook and beside her dad. At the sight of recently cooked croissants, she picked one up with excitement. As she began eating, Hoseok proceeded to answer her question.

“Well first off, I’m taking this kid,” He hooked a thumb toward Jungkook, “To buy an outfit for tonight. He owns nothing festive. That just won’t do. I am not letting him eat an amazing Christmas meal wearing nothing but black sweats.”

Jungkook rubbed his forehead in clear distress. “I guess I understand.”

She chuckled. “Don’t overdo it, Hobi. If he’s comfortable, leave him be-”

“Nuh-uh, nope. I don’t care if he only ends up wearing a simple green sweater. As long as there’s some color, I’ll be satisfied.” She knew that wasn’t what was going to happen.

“Good luck, Jungkook,” She told him seriously, and she watched as he flashed her a look of dismay. He looked toward their dad for help, but he was lost in his own little world as he typed away at his computer.

“Y/N, please,” Jungkook whispered, as if she could help him. Truth is, she was relieved that someone else was Hoseok’s victim for a change. With his focus on Jungkook, she could get away with a semi-decent red sweater and pants if she wanted. He was on his own. 

Before she even got a chance to let him know that, her mother calling her over interrupted the conversation.

She got up quickly, but not before she shot him a thumbs up and said, “You’ll be fine. Hoseok, go easy on him.”

“No promises,” was his hollered response before she found her mom in the living room. She walked in with the intention of asking her a question, but it died on her lips at the sight of an unfamiliar man standing at the front door. The first thing she noticed was how tall he was, broad shouldered and practically taking up the whole foyer. The next thing she noticed was how stunning he was, perhaps the most breath-taking man she ever saw with her own eyes. His hair was dark and swept off his forehead, professional and serious. His eyebrows looked perfectly shaped, pulled in a furrow. His lips were plump, turned downward in a slight frown. The clothes that adorned him made it look like he just came back from an important meeting. He was all business. No pleasure. He was art, a painting of a stunning man frozen in his sorrows.

“Uh…” His gaze turned to her, searing and making her feel flustered.

Her mom was a different picture entirely, bright like a night light. She clapped once in excitement, before she said, “Y/N! I’ve been waiting for this moment, you don’t even know. Do you remember the Kims from across the street? This is their eldest son, Seokjin! I’ve told you about him, how he helps me and your dad out. I thought you’d never get to meet him, but luck is on our side! He made it back for the holiday!”

She suddenly felt severely under-dressed when meeting someone as intimidating as he looked. But as she stepped forward and extended a hand, his lips lifted into a smile that looked like it was meant for someone special. It made her feel warm all over, her lips glued shut as she reached out and shook his hand.

“Your mother has told me a lot about you. She’s really proud of you, and all of her praises made me curious to meet the one and only.” His voice was melodic, less bold than she expected. 

“I,uh, yeah she’s told me about you too,” At least she thought she did, considering she could not remember a thing about the man in front of her. 

“Seokjin was just dropping by to give us these homemade cookies,” She held up a container happily, “Isn’t he so sweet? You really didn’t have to.”

“I know, but it was a small token for all of the times you and your husband have taken me in for a nice dinner. You know my parents are always travelling. That big house can be quite lonely.” She knew her mom too well, watching in mild horror as she recognized the twinkle in her eye.

The question may seem innocent to an outsider, but she knew where it was leading. “What are you plans for the evening? I know your parents are travelling for the holiday.”

He shook his head and did a playful eye roll. “When aren’t they travelling? But anyways, Namjoon is flying in for the holiday. Haven’t seen him in who knows how long, but he’s finally coming home. We were thinking of maybe ordering takeout and watching a movie or something. He doesn’t really do anything for the holidays. Our other brothers are all scattered.”

She watched as if it were a movie unfolding, her mother shooting him her signature smile. “I would hate for the both of you to not have a home cooked meal on today of all days. The two of you should come over tonight.”

Immediately Seokjin shook his head, his hands coming up to politely refuse. “No, it’s fine, really-”

“It just won’t do, son.” Y/N mouthed the word ‘son’ to herself, wondering how exactly this young man snuck his way into her mom’s heart. “We’d love for you to join us. It’s a tradition we uphold every year, to have Christmas Eve dinner with family and friends. My best friend and her family are coming, my kids are home for the holiday, and others are coming. Everyone is welcome. And now I think it would make it absolutely perfect if you and your brother join us.”

Seokjin stared at her mother with a slightly agape mouth, causing her to hold back a laugh. He looked like he was backed into a corner, his face frozen in surprise. Finally he got over his shock, composing himself by smoothing down his dress shirt and clearing his throat.

“A-are you sure? I wouldn’t want to make things worse on you-”

“Seokjin! Is that you?” The three of them turned at the sight of all the men in the house making their way into the room. She felt bad for this man she just met. She watched in confusion as her father stepped forward and embraced him. 

Hoseok looked just as curious as her, looking to her for an answer to his question. She just shrugged. 

“How are you? We haven’t seen you in weeks.”

Seokjin focused all his attention on her parents, explaining to them what he’s been up to and how busy work has made him. She sidled up next to her brother and Jungkook.

“Who is this guy? And why does he look like he just stepped out of a GQ magazine?” Jungkook asked, the three of them watching the interaction happening in front of them.

Y/N uttered, “I guess he’s our neighbor. The Kims’ son. Why haven’t we met him before?”

Hoseok shrugged, humming in thought before he said, “He must be the really successful one. The one never around.”

“Hey Seok? Probably shouldn’t talk about him,” Jungkook uttered.

“Why?”

“Because you can’t whisper and they’re looking at you.”

Hoseok looked at him confusingly before trailing to his parents. His eyes widened comically, their gazes angry and Seokjin’s amused. Nervously laughing it off, he stepped forward and introduced himself. 

She simply observed, watching as Hoseok cracked a few jokes and made Seokjin laugh. Everyone seemed to ease up, and soon enough it felt natural. The topic of tonight came up again, and her mom didn’t hesitate to sink her claws into him once more.

With your dad staring at him, it seemed Seokjin couldn’t refuse anymore.

“Alright. I’ll let Namjoon know the change of plans. We’ll see you tonight.”

Her mom clapped with glee, causing she and her brother to share a look. It seemed like Seokjin was her favorite kid and he wasn’t even her son. Their dad clapped him on the back, shaking his hand and enthusing about seeing him tonight. 

“It was nice meeting you,” Seokjin’s gaze swept past her and Hoseok with a polite nod before he headed out the door. 

Their parents stood at the front door, their mom shouting, “And dress down, Seokjin! We want you to be comfortable!” His yell back was indiscernible, but at the small exchange she witnessed, she was officially curious about this man whom her parents loved.

When their parents turned back to the room, their smiles died down at the sight of their questioning children.

“What?” Their dad grumbled, his eyes narrowing.

Hoseok laughed through his question, “What was that?!”

“What was what?”

“Is he our long lost brother?” She joked,  pretty amused with how smitten her parents had seemed.

“What are you talking about?” Their mom asked, that previous excitement she had displayed long gone now.

“You guys stared at him with heart eyes. I’m a little hurt,” Hoseok wiped away

an imaginary tear.

“Oh relax. He’s just an amazing young man. He’s so thoughtful and responsible. I think you and Y/N will really like him once you get to know him,” Their mom sounded confident, before she walked past and to the kitchen. She called Y/N to follow her. 

Her started washing the breakfast dishes, chatting with her and letting her know the game plan of how the day was going to go, what needed to be done before dinner time. A few minutes passed before the topic of Seokjin came up again. However, this time around she learned more than before.

“You know, I’m really glad he’s coming tonight. I was hoping he would end up agreeing. He is such a good man with a big heart. I know you and Hoseok don’t really know him yet, but trust me when I say you’ll love him just as much as I do. And,” she sighed, piquing her attention as she looked at her mom curiously, “My heart goes out to him. Not everyone is as fortunate to spend time with family during the holidays. Some people aren’t affected by that. The Kims have never been festive like that, and that’s completely fine. But… given what’s recently happened with Seokjin, I didn’t want him to have a gloomy night.”

“What happened?” She found herself asking. At her next words, her heart saddened for the man she just met.

“Recently, his fiancée called off their engagement. To be quite honest, she broke his heart. And he hasn’t really been the same since. I just want him to have a good dinner with us, at the least.”

Thinking back on Seokjin, she never would’ve guessed he was hurting. He was so put together, his smiles effortless. The revelation was unfortunate, but she was impressed by the strength the man so obviously possessed. She was completely on board with the idea of giving him a good Christmas Eve dinner. 

“I’m glad he’s coming.”

Her mom looked over her shoulder at her, reciprocating a smile. “Me too, Y/N. Me too.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The holiday music was soft and playing in the background, but it caressed her skin. The smell of dinner wafted from the kitchen, filling up the entire house with a gentle and mouth-watering sensation.  The air was warm, and she couldn’t decide if it was because of the body heat or the heater. The room carried an almost angelic glow, and she was positive that if she told anyone, they would look at her funny. There was truly nothing quite like Christmas, and it had shown up before she could give it a proper greeting. 

“You look nice.” Hoseok’s voice came from behind, and she turned to greet him with a smile. He was dressed for the part, his hair parted and neat. His ensemble was a bit… much, given his usual style. She didn’t comment, because admittedly he looked handsome in his maroon fitted sweater with a collar and slacks.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked.

“Oh, nothing. I was just expecting you to comment on how I wasn’t following the Christmas color theme.” She hadn’t expected less, considering she was wearing a white sleeved shirt and a skirt. Nothing too fancy, but still a bit considerate.

Hoseok merely shrugged. “Unfortunately, you weren’t my responsibility this year. Kook is a lot more picky than he looks. I practically had to drag him out of the store with one new outfit. One. Speaking of that kid, he should be coming down any moment now,” His head was craned and his eyes were drawn to the hall where the stairs resided. But that wasn’t where her focus laid, no, it was something much more pressing. 

So far, only her aunt and uncle had arrived with her cousins. Currently, they were running around and hollering louder than necessary. But she didn’t mind, not when her mind was split in a few different directions. 

One reason was the fact that the neighbor’s son Seokjin and his brother had arrived about five minutes earlier. They were currently in the corner of the room, conversing with her father and making him laugh at something she couldn’t hear but likely wasn’t that funny. She found it easier to admit as time passed, Kim Seokjin was definitely a sight that she couldn’t exactly pull away from with the snap of a finger. The man should be on magazine covers. 

Another probing thought was whether or not Taehyung was showing up. He had stopped answering her texts around noon, the last topic being about him still unsure if he was attending. She hoped with all her heart he would show. 

The most prominent thought plaguing her, so much that it was the one she had to fight to suppress if she didn’t want to be down all night, was Yoongi. She hadn’t really gotten much opportunity to talk to him since he broke the news to her, but it was true that she couldn’t find the words. Genuinely, she understood where he was coming from and was happy. She would never want someone to not get the opportunity to spend time with her family. That didn’t dismiss her disappointment in not getting to see him tonight, the night she had been dreaming to see him for a while now. 

It was the reason they had held off coming to visit each other at each other’s schools. He was older, about to graduate and she had a while to go. She knew he was busy most of the time, so they figured that the next best thing was to spend time with each other on the holidays. Unfortunately, that didn’t work out when they both had jobs and lived a few hours from each other. 

The two of them hadn’t even figured out what this was, but all she knew was that she wanted to make it work. When she realized her feelings for him, she knew that he was it for her. He was her Christmas in a person. 

To not have her Christmas person not with her on Christmas Eve, well, it was a major disappointment. All she could do was keep her head up. 

“Hey teddy… I was trying to wait for you to approach the subject first, but you know me and my impatience. It’s Christmas Eve after all,” She was confused to see Hoseok acting slightly nervous, but she understood why moments later, “Is Yoongi joining us tonight or not?”

Spluttering, all of her breath that had been currently inhabiting your lungs disappeared. She stared at her brother wide-eyed, wondering how he could possibly know-

“Do you think I’m stupid? Both of you are so smitten, it’s disgusting. I’m the one who introduced the two of you. Not only that, I spend the better half of my weeks with the guy. Lastly, you two are the least sneaky people I have ever met. Did you guys really think I wouldn’t find out? And neither of you are actually hiding it considering he’s always asking me about you and you’re constantly bringing him up and-”

“Okay, okay. I get it. You figured it out.” She sighed, rubbing at her forehead. If anything, it made her heart even heavier. 

Min Yoongi wasn’t just a guest that had been invited on short notice. In fact, he was never meant to be a guest. He was a man that spoke more with his hands, the way that he gripped onto her for a second longer than necessary or when he pressed into her back to lead her. She had to watch him to understand him, specifically his face, to know what was really on his mind. She knew when he was tired, his eyes low and his speech even slower than usual. His happiness was easier to observe, his lips loose and his eyes carrying a subtle excitement.

As luck would have it, she had met him by chance when she had went to surprise visit Hoseok earlier this year. The two of them hadn’t fallen for each other at first, mostly spending time together that one time. She remembered her innocent curiosity, requesting to follow him on social media and how he took a day to accept. He was the first to message, their conversations light and inquisitive. 

It wasn’t long before she started to feel a shift in their conversations, how profound and intimate they became. She was the first to make an excuse to come and visit. She did it a second time. He did it the third. Whenever she looked into his dark eyes, it was like looking into another world.. Dark eyes carried her solace, carried a mirror to the life she wanted to live. Eyes that weren’t actually dark but an array of colors, all brand new and enamoring.

She liked to compare him to home. To anyone else, it might be a house with no distinctive feature. To her, it was walking in and feeling like she could finally and fully be herself. 

In nearly a year, he had become one of the most important people in her entire life. And deep down, she knew he always would be. 

“Y/N? Are you going to answer me? I didn’t get to see him much this last month. Whenever I was working, he wasn’t and vice versa. Last time I talked to him, he told me he was trying his best to come visit you, but he wasn’t positive.”

“How long have you known?” She ignored how sad she actually sounded, attempting to toughen up and tell herself that him not being present didn’t have to sour the night.

Hoseok shrugged, a certain glint in his eye. His eyes found the Christmas tree as he answered. “You’re my baby sis. And he’s a good friend. I was suspicious at first, because he seemed a little lighter after you visited that first time. And you seemed a lot more giddy. It didn’t take a genius to see the signs after you visited two more times in the same month,” She covered her face in embarrassment, wondering if he was angry.

Again, he answered her silent question. “I’m happy for you. I don’t need to know all the details. As long as he treats you well, and the both of you are happy, then I’m happy.”

She couldn’t help but embrace him, her heart soaring as she wondered how she had been blessed to have such a phenomenal brother. Pulling away, she whispered her thanks. At the sound of her mom calling for her, she figured she would answer her brother and use the new guests as her escape.

“He can’t come tonight. I’ll probably see him when next semester starts.” She ignored his exclaim of confusion, pausing in the entrance of the kitchen and composing her erratic feelings. Even if Yoongi wasn’t here, it didn’t mean the night would be any less special. That’s what she kept telling herself. She knew it was true, but it was hard to snap out of her disappointment.

She stepped into the room with a smile, a question on the tip of her tongue before she stopped in her tracks. 

Her mother was sitting at the dining room table, Seokjin sat across from her with an attentive smile adorning his lips. She spotted Y/N, her face lit up as she enthusiastically waved her over. She approached slowly, his smile fading at the sight of her for a moment before he adjusted it into something more friendly.

“I was just telling Seokjin about how you’re still in school, studying and working hard for your major.”

He waved his hand. “Please, call me Jin. Seokjin makes me feel old.”

“Oh hon, you’re not old. Trust me.” It was odd to hear her mother’s unrestrained laugh, to see the same adoration that she held for her and Hoseok shimmer in her eyes as she gazed at Seokjin. Y/N wondered what exactly it was about the man before her that had her mom enamored.

“How did you like your classes this past semester?”His voice was gentle in addressing someone he barely knew. But she had heard him earlier among his banter with her dad. He had a strong personality hidden in the depth of those curious eyes, a loud voice in which he was restraining out of politeness or weariness, she did not know. 

She entertained his questions, a mild conversation about school and work ensuing between the two of them. At one point, her mom spoke about having to leave for a moment. 

She thought she would feel uncomfortable alone with him, but it was quite the opposite. He was a character, animated in his story-telling and thundering in his laughter. Little by little, she opened up and saw why her parents adored him. 

“Truthfully, I’m happy your mother called you in here. I had been meaning to officially meet you. She loves talking about you and Hoseok. So much that, she actually made me excited to meet you two.”

“That so? I never really thought about her doing that,” Her eyes found the fabric on top of the table, her hands tracing the design. For whatever reason, she was shy at the thought. If he noticed, he didn’t comment.

“Believe me, she does. She really loves the two of you. And… I know it meant a lot to her that Hoseok was able to come.” Ah, so he knew about the previous divide in the family. She wondered just how much he happened to know. 

“Well,” She waved her hand, “That’s behind us. I did notice how much she happens to love you. My dad too. You’re like their third kid or something.”

His eyes shone with pride for a moment before it dulled, his smile fading. “Yeah… they’re really great. Without them, I don’t know if I would’ve pulled through some rough moments I had this year.”

What her mother told her earlier rang in her ears. It jostled her, but only for a moment. She shook it off, giving him a gentle smile.

“I’m glad I got to meet you, Jin. It means a lot that you came tonight.”

Without looking at Y/N, a smile grew on his lips. “It means more to me than you’ll ever know, that I’m here tonight. Your parents are something else.”

“And so are you. Otherwise, they wouldn’t love you so much.” She watched as his neck grew flushed.

“Thank you, Y/N.” A whisper.

“No need to thank-”

“No, really. Thank you.” 

And for his sake, she pretended not to notice the actual shine in his eyes, instead returning the smile he directed at her. 

He was a good man, indeed. And she hoped this was the first night of many that built him back up again.

~~~~~~~~~~

The Carolers

She was joking around with Hoseok and Jungkook when the doorbell rang, only to reveal the Parks had finally arrived. They stood poised in the doorway, her mother exclaiming loudly at the sight of her best friend. As they exchanged hugs, Mr. Park maneuvered around them to greet her dad, leaving Jimin hovering in the doorway. 

“There’s Jimin,” Hoseok wiggled his eyebrows, causing Y/N to roll her eyes.

“What’s the scoop on him?” Jungkook asked. 

“Nothing. He’s yet another one of my friends Y/N has had a crush on.”

“Dude!” Y/N exclaimed, walking away from him and slinking into the couch as she ignored his teasing laughter. 

To distract herself from her brother, she watched her little cousins run past, her uncle chasing them. Her aunt joined the other older women, the three of them catching up on whatever it was they needed to talk about. 

It was nice and full, so warm and angelic. It was almost complete. Almost. 

Looking over, she noticed that Jimin had made it inside and was in the middle of unwrapping his scarf from his neck. His face was slimmer now, more mature. Her heart was trained to jump at the sight of him, but he didn’t give her that longing feeling he used to give her. 

That feeling was reserved for someone else, now. 

Checking her phone, she noticed a text had come in from Yoongi around thirty minutes ago. They had been texting on and off all day. She could tell he was feeling awful about not being able to make it, but she reassured him that she understood. It was still sad to not have him around on this wonderful day. 

Yoyo:

How’s everything going? 

Y/N:

Going well so far! Mostly everyone is here. Taehyung hasn’t shown up with his sister yet. And my mom invited the neighbors’ sons. They might show up. 

He responded quickly. He always had since the moment they first talked. 

Yoyo:

I’m sure they will. 

Are you excited for tonight? 

Y/N:

Yes I am! It’s my favorite holiday. Since I was little, I’ve had nothing but golden memories of this day. It’s…. Magical. 

To be completely truthful, the answer to his question was yes and no. It wasn’t perfect without him, but he was with her through the phone. And that had to be enough for her. She hoped he would have the best Christmas ever. If anyone deserved to, it was him. 

In the middle of texting him that, someone sat beside her. Looking up, her face contorted into surprise. Quickly, it morphed into a soft smile to mimic Jimin’s own. 

“Y/N.”

“Jimin.” She looked into the young man’s eyes that used to keep her up at night daydreaming, and now all she felt was a distant fondness. He may have matured in his looks, but he still had the same boyish eyes. 

“How are you? I usually ask Hoseok but now that I’m finally seeing you, I figured I didn’t need the messenger.”

She acknowledged his tone with a bigger smile. “I’ve been really well. The semester was busy but I survived. And I got a new job, which makes the days go by quicker. I’m honestly really happy to be home. What about you? How is it living so far away?”

Jimin tilted his head in thought. She took a moment to study him up close. He was styling his hair different now, more of a mature look. He had it swept to one side of his forehead, but other than that it was a short and neat haircut. It was pretty short now, remembering in high school he would let it grow out and dye it blond. He was back to more of a natural look, and she adored it. 

A part of her was always going to adore him. He was, after all, her first crush. Before Yoongi, she referred to him as her first love. Now that knew what love really was, she knew otherwise. 

“I’ve adjusted. It was pretty hard at first. Being away from everyone. I missed my parents a lot and thought about transferring. Somewhere around November, I found my groove. I’ve met a couple friends who make the days easier. And I really love my major.”

“I could never do Environmental Engineering. Highly impressive.”

“Ah, we all have our different skills.” There he was, the Jimin from her memory. He downplayed everything because he wanted everyone to feel good. He was an angel even in the slightest ways. 

They went on to talk about different things, first catching up and asking about each other and then moving onto reminiscing. It was peaceful, being able to talk with someone who knew her childhood. It was rare to have a connection with someone because they were apart of that, and they understood that part of you. 

Going to college, one meets all kinds of different people. They come in endless different forms, and one forms new and unforgettable bonds that may last for a lifetime. There is no one quite like the people you knew beforehand, the ones that were around when growing up. 

Those people are a different tier, a tier of old memories and different kind of fondness. 

He had just made Y/N laugh when the doorbell rang once more. Hoseok opened it this time, grabbing her attention when he shouted, “Hey! It’s been so long, man!”

She jumped up at the sight of Taehyung, his sister peeking out from behind him. She rushed over to them, and at the acknowledgement of Taehyung’s smile, she hugged him tightly. 

“I’m so glad you decided to come,” She whispered.

“I realized I couldn’t miss spending time with you and your family. You guys were always good to me.”

“And we always will be.” She pulled away and they looked at each other with appreciation, mostly with different reasons but the same sentiment. 

She ushered him inside, both of them pausing at the sight of Taeyeon chatting up a storm with Hoseok. He was knelt to her level, a blinding smile on his lips. She had forgotten how he pulled out a side to her none of them usually saw. 

Hoseok sparked minds, old or young.

Once her brother noticed them, he uttered something to Taeyeon and then pointed at the two of them. Taeyeon turned and widened her eyes, rushing to the both of them. Yanking on their hands, she pulled them forward. 

Y/N and Taehyung shared a look, before going along with it.

“Come on! Hoseok told me you have toys packed away in your closet! Let’s play with them!”

“Hoseok,” She called her brother, who raised his hands in surrender.

“She asked me if I still had my toy train. I do not. But you have your old toys so.”

“You need to come too, Hobi!” Taeyeon instructed, the mention of his name causing his eyes to widen in shock. 

“Me?” He asked, pointing to himself.

“Yes, silly! You’re the only Hobi I know,” She whispered loudly to Y/N, “Kind of a weird name.” 

Hoseok’s mouth dropped, looking offended and causing Taehyung and Y/N to laugh. Thankfully, before Taeyeon could successfully pull them onto the stairs, Y/N and Hoseok’s parents stopped them. 

Her mom stepped in front of them, greeting them with a cherry red smile. “My, my. If it isn’t the daredevil duo. I haven’t seen you since you were six,” She greeted toward Taeyeon, who grew shy at the new amount of attention. She ducked behind her brother again, causing the adults around her to laugh. 

“Sorry, she’s still a little shy whenever someone new talks to her,” Taehyung apologized.

“You don’t have to apologize. Some kids are.” Her mom stepped to Taehyung and gently placed her hands on his shoulders. “Taehyung, you’ve grown so much. We’ve missed having you around.”

“I’ve missed coming around, too. Everything’s changed, huh?” He said, stepping into her hug. 

“Yes, it has. I know it’s for the good, but sometimes you can’t tell if it really is,” She told him. 

Y/N and Hoseok stayed quiet, knowing not to comment on that. They knew how sentimental their mother could be, and they knew it was hard for her to have both of them out of the house for most of the year. It hurt Y/N more than she would ever reveal to her, because she knew it would only make it harder for everyone. 

So she put on a smile and asked Taeyeon if she wanted to meet some new friends as Taehyung caught up with her parents. 

Taeyeon nodded, taking her hand and letting Y/N lead her to where Jimin and Jungkook stood in the kitchen. Hoseok had joined them right before her, noticing they were talking about some Netflix show the three of them loved. She cut them off, but she had a feeling they wouldn’t mind.

“Sorry to interrupt, but a friend of mine here would like to meet you guys! Taeyeon, this is Jimin and Jungkook.”

“We’ve met before. We had lots of fun at your birthday party a couple years ago, remember?” Jimin smiled down at her. His eyes widened in shock at her response.

“I don’t remember you. You were at my party?”

Hoseok nodded. “Yeah! Remember? Your brother invited Y/N and me! We brought Jimin with us. We bought you your own toy train, and then we jumped in your bouncy house with you!”

“I remember that, but I only remember Hobi being there,” She said accusingly, as if Jimin were lying to her. 

He struggled for words, not knowing what to say as everyone else stifled their laughter at the little girl’s probing gaze.

“I-uh, well, I was, uh, I was there. You must not remember! I wouldn’t lie about that. The party was so fun! I loved the cake. I even helped you when you couldn’t find your friends in hide and seek! I pointed out where they hid!”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “So you’re a liar and a cheater!”

“What?!” Jimin exclaimed. 

Hoseok burst out in laughter, causing Y/N to follow. Jungkook was a little better at maintaining his control, deciding to throw Jimin a line.

“Hi, I’m Jungkook. So you’re the sister of…?”

“Taehyung. He’s my brother. He’s in there talking to the adults. He’s pretty cool. Sometimes. You might like him.”

“I’m sure I will,” Jungkook said, a smile tugging at his lips. They were all amused, taken aback by Taeyeon’s sharpness with Jimin. 

It was a pleasant conversation after that, all of them loving Taeyeon’s insight. They even consoled her when she worried about there being no kids there, as if on cue Y/N’s young cousins bolting in. They asked Taeyeon to play with them, and she agreed shyly. 

Once she was gone, they all sat at the kitchen table. It was odd for Y/N, almost as if she were transported back into the past. If it weren’t for Jungkook, she could fool herself into being back in high school on a Friday night, waiting for popcorn to finish in the microwave so her, Hoseok, and Jimin could watch a movie. 

Taehyung soon joined them. Then, her mom and her uncle trailed into the kitchen, continuing whatever they were finishing up for dinner. Y/N introduced Taehyung to Jungkook, but let him do his own thing. It always depended with him. Sometimes, he was quiet with meeting new people, sometimes he was loud with his personality. 

It seemed they were all vibing well, not having any trouble keeping a conversation going. She liked this, having warm faces surrounding her. It made this Christmas special on its own, because the majority of the people sat at the same table as her, she hadn’t known if they would be in attendance at all. 

These were her people. This was her home. 

She realized why people believed in Christmas miracles. Sometimes someone can find themselves wondering if Christmas will work out. And somehow, in some way, all the pieces fall right into place. 

Just then, the doorbell rang for the last time. Hearing her dad’s greeting from the living room, they knew it was the two brothers from the neighborhood. 

“I’m not even lying, the oldest brother looks like a Disney prince,” Hoseok spoke with conviction, upon Jimin and Taehyung’s look of question on who just arrived. 

Taehyung looked to Y/N for agreement, and she nodded. 

“He’s not that good-looking. He’s no Prince Naveen,” Jungkook muttered. When they all looked at him, he added, “What? Am I the only one watching Disney plus or what?”

They all looked at him for even longer before Hoseok ignored him altogether, “Alright. Let’s go greet them.”

Taehyung leaned over to Y/N and uttered, “Looks like Hopeful’s got a man crush.”

“Looks like everyone does. Even my parents are in love with the guy. I don’t blame them. He’s pretty great.”

“That so? Then I got to meet this supposed prince.” His tone was sarcastic, but she knew that because he was joking around. Whenever he joked around, it meant he was comfortable. And it made her chest flutter with love. 

There was nothing more satisfying than seeing the people she loved when they were happy. She wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

“Then let’s go, Prince Tae.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The group made their way into the living room, just as her dad began to introduce the pair to everyone else in the room. 

“Everyone! These are the Kims’ sons from across the street. You all know Seokjin,” Her dad clapped a hand on the man in question, grinning with pride as if it were his own son, “And this is his younger brother, Namjoon.”

The latter seemed to be the complete opposite of his brother, looking more frazzled than put together. Seokjin immediately moved over to Y/N’s mom, looking her over with a warm smile. Namjoon hovered awkwardly, hands in his jeans. His button up blue shirt was wrinkled, and it looked as if he had tried to make his hair neat and failed. His glasses were slipping down his nose, and she watched as he continue to reach up and adjust them. 

For whatever reason, she knew she already liked him. 

“Anyone else noticing how they’re all fawning over that guy?” Jimin nodded his head at Seokjin, who had just made all of the adults he was talking to, laugh.

Hoseok shook his head, huffing playfully. “That guy is stealing my brand.”

“Won’t hurt if you’re knocked down a few tiers,” Y/N joked, ignoring his glare. Shaking him gently, she hoped it was enough to comfort him before announcing, “I’m going to introduce myself to his brother.”

She wasn’t surprised when the group dispersed, Taehyung being the only one to follow her. They walked over to the newcomer, and her heart felt for him as he rocked on his heels, looking as if he didn’t know what to do with himself. Noticing their approach, he pulled his hands out of his pockets and fumbled for a moment before deciding to clasp them together. 

“Hi,” She greeted with a smile, “I’m Y/N. I’m happy you decided to join us.”

“I’m still figuring out if it was a good idea, considering no one has even noticed I’m here with the star that he is,” He rolled his eyes as he motioned to Seokjin, but otherwise was unbothered. 

“We noticed,” Taehyung said seriously.

Namjoon paused at that, before sliding his glasses up his nose. “I’m Namjoon. Pretty different from my social butterfly brother.”

“Different isn’t bad,” Y/N shrugged.

“I agree,” Namjoon gave the room a onceover. “Nice place. It’s a lot more warmer here than at home.”

Y/N and Taehyung glanced at each other, not knowing what to say. Namjoon stifled a laugh at their faces. “I meant that we don’t decorate for Christmas or anything like that. Our family doesn’t really celebrate.”

“Really?” Y/N inquired, mildly surprised. She didn’t come across many people who didn’t celebrate, but she knew there was obviously people that didn’t. She respected and understood that, but it made her sad to think of people not experiencing the joy she experienced at this time of year. 

Namjoon nodded. “Which is why I was surprised Jin insisted on us coming over here.”

“That’s interesting.”

“Why is that?”

“Your brother was hesitant to accept his invitation.”

Namjoon waved the statement off. “That’s just him being humble. He loves your parents, always talks about them. In fact, I’m really glad. I know things haven’t been… smooth for him. So, it was good to hear something had him excited. I’m really here for him, if anything.”

Y/N nodded once. “I’m glad then. Glad he has you.”

Before they could continue further, her mother announced that dinner was ready. And so the night officially began. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The Angel

All of the parents were sitting in the dining room, her mom directing the young adults to sit either at the kitchen’s smaller table or in the living room. Y/N and Hoseok didn’t complain, knowing the routine, so they found themselves huddled around the small kitchen table with their friends. Namjoon had been convinced into sitting with Seokjin and the adults. Y/N wished she could save him, seeing how quiet he was with them, but he decided to leave him be after he shot her a reassuring smile. 

She sat across from her brother, Jimin on one side of her and Taehyung on the other. It was a standard rectangular table, but she always appreciated this time of year when her mom pulled out a white knitted tablecloth. Hoseok disappeared for a moment as everyone settled into their seats, returning with a lighter. 

“What’s a dinner without candles lit in the center?”

“Hobi, we only do it on holidays. So technically, dinner would be just fine.”

“Hush. You’re ruining the sentiment.”

“Actually, you are by leaning over Jungkook’s plate.”

“Seriously,” Jungkook agreed, looking at Hoseok with disgust. Y/N laughed, both at his facial expression as well as Hoseok’s struggle to light them. 

“Dude, what the fu-” He stopped dead in his tracks when he glanced at Taeyeon, who insisted to eat with Taehyung. Clearing his throat, he straightened his back and started over, “What’s wrong with this lighter? Is it a trick lighter?”

“No, you’re just weak. Let me see,” Y/N stood.

“It’s not me! The candles don’t want to light-”

“Excuse me. I got it,” Their mom had suddenly appeared as if she had sensed the topic at hand, bearing one of those longer lighters. The clicking of the lighter went on for three times or so before she caught a flame, easily lighting the centerpiece candles. 

Jimin clapped and cheered for her, their mom patting Hoseok sympathetically before asking, “Any of you need anything? Drinks? Anymore food?”

After everyone expressed their thanks, she departed.  Just like that, Christmas dinner began. 

For every family, it was different. Different cultures mean different dinner traditions. Growing up, it had been one of Y/N’s favorite parts: the food. 

As she ate quietly, she looked around the table at the faces of the friends who had joined them this Christmas. At her brother, who was in the middle of telling the other boys some story about Jungkook that the latter was embarrassed over. 

Her heart hurt with happiness. Just a couple days ago, she was crying in her room at the thought of Hoseok not joining him. Now, he was across from her having a laughing fit. She hadn’t seen Taehyung in so long, and now he was next to her smiling and making sure his little sister was having a great time.

It had been even longer since she saw Jimin, and looking at him gave her this wave of nostalgia. He was like flipping through an old journal, the pages filled up with the memories of her youth. He was a piece of her past, one that she didn’t think she would ever forget.

Jungkook was a new piece to the puzzle, but since he had joined them, she saw a whole other side to Hoseok. He brought out this energy in him that she had only ever seen in secret. Jungkook brought out that same look on Hoseok’s face when he was out photographing the world. She knew Jungkook was special.

It was a special dinner, mostly quiet. Stories would break out here and there, but it felt like they had slipped into a snowglobe of bliss. Nothing could shatter the intimacy and disconnect from every other worry in her life. 

Even when she would pause in her eating and text back Yoongi, everything was alright. His sweetness dripped through the words on her screen, making her miss him but comforting her. 

She was drunk on the love in the air, and no matter how the night ended, she knew then this would be a Christmas for the books. Not because something exciting had happened, but because it was a quiet one. That in itself was beautiful.

A little while later, after some of them had settled into eating dessert and Taeyeon had dragged Taehyung away to play a game with the kids, Jungkook directed a question at Y/N. “So, am I going to get to hear the story behind your nickname?”

“Teddy?” She asked.

“Yes, teddy. What other nickname do you have?”

Hoseok grinned mischievously, and Y/N shot him a look of warning that he ignored. “Oh, she has plenty.”

“And so do you! If I were you, I would keep my mouth closed!”

They had a stare off for a few beats, and Y/N thought she was in the clear- that is, until he rushed out, “We used to call her Walrus because when she was younger, she liked sticking things in her mouth and pretending to be one.”

“Hoseok!”

“You guys want to see pictures?” 

Jungkook had started laughing at the thought, and Y/N felt mortified. Just then, she thought of the perfect revenge. As if Hoseok had sensed the gears of her mind turning, his smile faded.

“My parents used to call him Huggies until he was like eight. You want to know why?”

“Y/N, no!”

“What? You told them about Walrus! You know that story embarrasses me!”

“But Teddy is a cute nickname. And so is Walrus. It’s not even bad! Don’t do this!”

Their debate eventually died down when Taehyung came back, effectively distracting  them from the topic at hand. Jimin asked Jungkook about his major, how he liked his university. 

All of the guys seemed to be getting along well, and it was a sight to behold. They were all incredible, so it wasn’t a surprise that they were getting along.

That was, until the mood shifted without her even noticing. 

Jungkook had just finished summarizing why he loved what he was studying, Jimin listening intently as he sipped on a soda. Letting him finish, Jimin nodded along before asking, “Are you from here?”

He shook his head. “I’m not. I moved here for university. I love it here… but I do miss my family all the time.”

Jimin nodded along in agreement. “I definitely understand that feeling.”

“I love my major, I really do. It was everything I imagined it would be and I can’t wait for more. I love my friends, I mean, if I hadn’t gone there I wouldn’t have met Hoseok. I’m so grateful for the opportunity. But some days, I just miss my hometown. I miss my family so bad sometimes, I feel the urge to buy a plane ticket straight home. Of course, I don’t have the funds for that but it’s nice to dream,” Jungkook’s voice was dreamy and longing, and Y/N knew he was thinking of his family celebrating Christmas. Her heart tugged. 

Hoseok sat quietly, listening. She could see in her brother’s face that he was thinking the same thing. They didn’t have the words to comfort Jungkook, but suddenly his face transformed into something more hopeful.

“Even though I can’t be with my family until after Christmas, I’m really glad I got the opportunity to be here. It reminds me of my own home, and I know not everyone is lucky as I am. I just, I keep thinking of my mom. She’s great. I just know that right now, she’s probably fretting over all of our guests at home, asking who wants more food. That’s who she is, always on her feet and taking care of everyone else. I can’t wait to see her.”

“And you will. In two days. Before you know it, you’re going to be back home,” Hoseok assured him. Jungkook nodded, shooting him a look of appreciation. 

The atmosphere, regardless of the subject, had felt hopeful. Y/N saw how Jungkook was determined to keep a good attitude, and she expected that was the end of it. 

Not everyone has as warm a Christmas as you, is what she would come to realize. 

“If you’ll excuse me,” Jimin muttered, offering all of them a weak smile before scooting his chair back and striding to the backyard door, going outside. 

Y/N’s eyes remained there for a moment, his facial expression replaying in her mind. Had Jungkook said something wrong?

Looking over at Hoseok, they had a silent conversation with their eyes. They both knew something was wrong, and they had no intentions of leaving Jimin alone. They came to a silent agreement, the pair of them rising to their feet.

“We’re going to check up on him,” Y/N told the other boys.

“You guys going to be alright?” Hoseok asked Jungkook and Taehyung.

“Of course. We’ll just go talk to Disney Prince. See if he’s as great as everyone says he is,” Taehyung suggested. Jungkook pointed at him, as if he came up with a brilliant idea. Y/N could only shake her head before she led the way, making sure to quietly open up the back door. 

Hoseok flicked on the back porch light, successfully shrouding Jimin’s back in light. He was sitting at the bottom of the porch steps, his head bowed. 

The siblings paused at the top, and Y/N wondered if it was right to disturb him. Something was telling her to not leave him out here to drown in his thoughts. It was obvious he was upset and who knows if he intended to talk to anyone about it. It was up to them to at least try.

“Hey…” Hoseok began, taking the lead as he walked down a few steps. He remained behind him, waiting for any reaction. Jimin stayed quiet. 

Y/N decided to try, maneuvering around her brother and stopping two steps above Jimin’s. Kneeling down, she paused before gently placing a hand on his shoulder. “Jimin.”

His shoulders started shaking, and her heart dropped as she heard the beginning sounds of suppressed crying. 

He wasn’t okay, and maybe hadn’t been this entire time. 

Looking up at her brother, they shared a look of concern before she sat beside him, keeping a hand on his shoulder. Hoseok joined them, taking a seat on the other side of him. They didn’t look at him, respecting his need to cry. 

They didn’t know what was wrong, and maybe Jimin wouldn’t tell them anything at all, but that wouldn’t stop them for being there for him. So they let him cry. Here and there, Y/N would rub his shoulder affectionately, hoping he didn’t feel alone. It may have been a year since she saw him, but it wouldn’t stop her from being there for him. 

When the crying ceased and the sniffles were few and far between, he raised his head. She still didn’t look at him, and she had a feeling Hoseok didn’t either. They simply waited. 

They listened as he cleared his throat, tipping his head back to look at the stars. 

The beautiful thing about stars is that even when your world is turned upside down, they remain permanent, a constant in the chaos.

“I’m not happy.” From the corner of her eye, she saw the air leave his chest, his shoulders relax. He continued. “I haven’t been since I started college. Everyone says that it’s the homesickness, that eventually you’ll get into the groove of things. When months passed, and nothing has changed, it only got worse. I’m stuck. And I don’t know what to do.” 

He took a moment to collect himself. His voice became stronger as he continued, as if the more he talked, the more weight dissipated from his shoulders.

“I hate school. I hate my life over there. I’m not myself, and I’m putting up a front every single day just so I can pretend it’s not the life I chose. I hate my major, I don’t know when I started hating it but somewhere along the way I realized it’s not what I want anymore. Y/N,” Her name startled her into looking at him. He was already looking at her, his eyes shining and his cheeks damp. “I lied to you earlier. I acted just like I’ve been acting all these months. I’ve always been taught to put up a brave face, that even if I’m crumbling, to never show anyone I need help. It’s not what I should do, simply because my whole life I’ve had everything figured out. When in reality… I want to be home.”

She and Hoseok watched him now, how he slowly began to talk softer, his eyes finding the ground. Although his voice was soft, his conviction was hard and set into his words. “Being home, I feel like myself. I just want to stay. I don’t belong at that school, studying what I’m studying, being someone I’m not. And maybe I’m not meant to be here for good, either. I just know that I belong here, surrounded by the people that care about me and make me feel like myself. That’s all I want and… being here with you guys so strongly reminds me of all of that. I just don’t know what to do.”

They waited until they knew he was completely done before Hoseok jumped in, ducking his head to watch Jimin’s face. “Why don’t you talk to your parents?”

Jimin immediately shook his head. “I just can’t.”

“Why not?”

He raised his voice before it grew soft again. “Because! Because… they insist on me being strong, to following through with whatever I start. I told them how much I loved my major, they expect so much from me. I can’t crumble for them. I have to be strong for them. I have to be strong for my mom! She needs to see me be strong! She can’t see me fail!”

“Jimin…” His voice was urgent, his words fast, but Y/N sensed there was more to his words. She waited until he was looking at her. “Why do you feel like you need to be strong for them?”

“She’s… She’s sick,” Jimin’s face crumbled at his words, Y/N’s own heart shattering at the sight. She wrapped her arms around him, letting him cry into her shoulder. Hoseok looked at her, at a loss for words. He reached over and gripped Jimin’s forearm, letting him know he was there. 

This time around, the silence was thick with weight. Y/N’s mind was wheeling, searching and searching for anything to say. Her mind came up blank, and she wished with her entire being that there was a way for Jimin to come out of this unscathed. 

“I belong here,” He cried quietly, pulling away from her arms, “And she’ll insist that I stay over there, that I pretend she’s okay.”

“So you tell her that you love her. And that you’re going to stay here and be strong for her.” Hoseok spoke sternly.

“But-”

“Jimin, you’re not happy over there. And I’ve known you and your family for a long time. Your mom wouldn’t want you to be miserable. If your dream is to be home, to be yourself, then you gotta tell her that you want to be here. It’s going to be terrifying, and they might not want you to at first, but they love you. They only want what’s best for you.”

“What if they… what if they refuse?”

Hoseok frowned, then nodded once. “Then that’s when you do what’s best for you. And hope that with time, they accept it.”

“I can’t upset her right now. She needs me to be strong.”

“Jimin,” Y/N took the soft approach, “In order for you to be strong for her, you have to let her know the way to do that is to be home. Once you’re home, you can be happy and then figure out all of the other things that are worrying you, like school and your passion. The only way for you to do that is to tell them how you feel. All you can do is try.”

“They love you. And they’ll see it’s taking a toll on you,” Hoseok added. “And you’ll come home.”

Jimin ducked his head again, sniffling and nodding at their words. 

Silence ensued, different from the first two. It was a non-judgmental silence, one that took in its companions and offered them some time. It was just what Jimin needed. 

“Thank you guys. Really.”

“You don’t have to thank us,” Y/N responded.

Jimin looked over at her, gratitude oozing from his gaze. “I really do.” He ran his hands through his hair, sighing deeply before saying, “You know, being out here reminds me of high school.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Hoseok said.

“Yeah. I remember this one time, when I spent the night. Y/N and I had to be like fourteen. We had convinced you to play hide and seek out here.”

“He was so scared! We were trying so hard not to laugh at our hiding spots, because he hadn’t even been looking for two minutes before he threatened to go back inside,” Y/N laughed through her words.

Hoseok narrowed his eyes at them. “Yeah, I remember that. Jimin jumped out of the bushes and scared me so bad, I slipped on the wet grass.”

“That was priceless. Absolute gold,” Jimin exclaimed. “And then you pulled Y/N and me down with you.”

“We laid on the grass so long that night, we got sick and then we got in trouble for it,” Hoseok added, the three of them drawn to look up at the sky in memory.

“But it didn’t matter to us, then,” Y/N said softly, “Because the stars were so beautiful that night.”

“You know, I can almost be certain that they look like they did that night all those years ago,” Hoseok said, moreso directed at Jimin. And she watched as Jimin looked up at the sky, how it looked back at him, and how Hoseok’s words made him smile to himself.

~~~~~~~~~~

Christmas Lights

As the night grew darker and colder, the amount of people in the house started to thin out. Her aunt, uncle, and their children left a little after midnight. The Parks were getting ready to leave, and Y/N could tell Jimin was nervous to face what he had to do. If she got the chance, she would pull him aside to talk to him one last time. 

Taeyeon was dozing off on the couch, so Taehyung was debating whether or not to leave as well. He was looking at her fondly, before he uttered to Y/N, “This might be the best Christmas Eve she’s ever had. I… I’ve tried so hard to give that to her but there was nothing like that joy on her face playing with your little cousins.”

Y/N rested her hand on his upper arm, waiting for him to look at her. “Tae, you’ve always given her the best gift of all. Your love. And because you love her so much, you’ve gone to the lengths of trying your hardest to give her the best Christmas every single year. That’s what matters. Not whether or not she gets to play with kids, or even if it’s not some grand gesture. She’ll see that and appreciate it more than she’ll comprehend when she’s older.”

Taehyung looked at her, fully looked at her with so much emotion in that moment, she felt everything he was feeling. Rubbing his arm, she allowed him to take a breath and regain his composure, before he mouthed, “Thank you.”

She nodded her head, before turning just in time to see the Parks heading for the door. She stepped away, walking over to Jimin and catching him before he walked out the door. “Hey. Can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Yeah, sure. My parents are going to get stuck outside talking to yours anyway. They’ve never understood the concept of goodbye,” Jimin joked, but she saw the unease in his eyes, heard it in his voice.

“Hey,” She lowered her voice, “It’s going to be okay. You have all of us, especially Hoseok and me, rooting for you. This is what’s best for you. I know it’s hard and scary, but your parents need to hear how you feel. You should never feel like you have to pretend.”

He nodded along, rubbing his hands together anxiously and looking over his shoulder at his parents. Just then, his jittery nature calmed down and his hands froze in their movements. He was looking at them for a prolonged moment, before he whispered, “I’m going to be okay.”

“You are.”

He looked at her then, before he said, “I better get going. It was… really nice to see you again.”

The way he looked at her transferred her back to high school, when her heart would flutter like his eyes did at her. His voice was as soft as she remembered, and she could almost fool herself into being young again, except this time around she was aware of the growth they’ve both experienced. That, and she wasn’t a young girl with a crush on him anymore. 

Nonetheless, she found herself shuffling under his gaze, just like she used to. Her hands fiddled with the bottom of her sweater, just like they used to. It was like his gaze was all-knowing, and she needed to look away from him for a moment. Old habits die hard. 

She cleared her throat. “It was nice to see you too. I’m really glad you made it.”

“I am too. I missed you and your crazy brother.”

“He is a little crazy, isn’t he?”

“Who’s crazy?” Hoseok thundered in her ear, making her recoil from the sound. Pushing him away, he laughed like he was Santa, before he rushed forward and bear-hugged Jimin. The latter tried to fight the hold, voice raising in alarm when Hoseok started ruffling his hair, before giving up altogether with a wide smile. 

After they settled down, Hoseok whispered something to him, and Jimin gave him a soft look. He nodded at him and expressed his thanks, before Hoseok walked outside to tell the Parks goodbye. 

“Well, Merry Christmas, Jimin,” Y/N said softly. 

He smiled, before he stepped closer and opened his arms to her. Stepping into the embrace, it was high school all over again. It was strange how some things never changed. She could recognize there was a slight shift though. The embrace wasn’t as tight as another from her memory, wasn’t the same scent. The embrace was different from Yoongi’s. This was a friend’s embrace. 

“Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

“Let’s go, Jimin!” His dad’s voice bellowed. Jimin held up a hand for everyone else in the room, everyone saying their goodbyes before he strode out the door. Y/N waved at his parents, hoping with everything in her heart that they were understanding whenever he decided to talk to him. 

“I think that’s our cue as well. Taeyeon can barely keep her eyes open,” Taehyung announced, holding the little girl’s hand in question. Y/N’s heart ached at the sight, her sleepy eyes blinking slower and her grip on her brother’s hand light. 

“Awww. My favorite girl is leaving?” Hoseok asked, kneeling down in front of her. 

“I’m sorry. It’s Tae. I would stay if I could choose,” She told him seriously. Hoseok laughed while Taehyung simply shook his head. 

“Well, Merry Christmas! I’m really happy you guys joined us this year. You’re more than welcome to join us next year.”

Taeyeon’s eyes lit up like christmas lights, tugging on Taehyung’s hand, “Can we come next year? Can we? Can we, please?”

Taehyung pretended to think about it before he grinned down at her, “Of course we can!” His smile softened at her cheers, before he told the siblings, “I’d really like that.”

Y/N and Hoseok switched off saying goodbye to each of them before they walked them over to the door. She advised them to keep their coats on tight, it was really cold out.

“Text me when you get home, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Merry Christmas, Tae. I’m really happy you decided to come.”

“So am I,” He told her, before hugging her and whispering, “Thank you for everything.” He pulled away from their embrace and turned to the room who housed the last face left in the room: Jungkook. “Merry Christmas, mon ami!”

Jungkook saluted him. “Merry Christmas!”

As Taehyung stopped to say his goodbyes to their parents who still hadn’t finished talking to the Parks, Hoseok uttered, “Glad they hit it off.”

“We definitely all have to get together again.”

The sound of Seokjin’s laugh grabbed their attention, and they turned to see him leaving the kitchen with Namjoon. It seemed like they were in the middle of gathering their things as Seokjin shrugged on his coat.

“We better head out too. It’s getting too late for me.”

Namjoon added, “He may look young, but he’s a grandpa.” 

His brother slugged him at that, and Y/N was amused as Namjoon pretended it didn’t hurt. She told them, “I’m really glad you guys came. My parents love you.”

“They’re the best. If it weren’t for them, this guy and me would be eating takeout tonight.”

“Seriously. Dinner was so good,” Namjoon uttered longingly. 

They walked over, and Hoseok led them to the door. Just then, their parents finally came inside. Their mom was quick to say, “Oh, you guys are leaving already?”

Seokjin paused, as if finding the words. “We know everyone is leaving and we didn’t want to

overstep.” 

“Don’t ever feel like you’re overstepping. You’re always welcome,” Their mom said. Their dad nodded in agreement.

“Thank you for that. We appreciate that.”

“Yes, thank you. It was nice to be surrounded by warm people on a cold day,” Namjoon added. 

Y/N’s mom softened at that, telling him, “And Namjoon. I’m very glad we got to know you tonight. You are as amazing as your brother says.”

He looked shocked at that, his eyes shooting to Seokjin. His brother pretended not to notice, though he did look a bit smug. Namjoon searched for the words, rubbing at his neck shyly before he mustered up, “Ah, thank you. That means a lot.”

Their dad opened the door, angling it so the two of them could walk out. Seokjin walked out last, only to turn around and tell the family, “Thank you for tonight. It was… everything I needed. I’ll always be grateful for what you guys do for me.”

Her mom said, “It’s nothing, Jin. We will always look out for you and your brother.”

“It’s everything,” He told her as his face remained serious, before he looked past her at the pair of siblings and smiled up at them. “It was nice to finally meet you two. Their praise of you was well-deserved.”

Hoseok held back a smile as he called, “And so was yours.”

Seokjin merely shook his head before saying, “Merry Christmas!” It triggered a chorus of the phrase, until they watched them get safely into their house. 

The day was now at its end, with the same five from the beginning. 

“I can’t believe it’s over. It flew by,” Jungkook muttered a few minutes later, the trio of them squished onto the couch together. 

Y/N’s parents had put on a Christmas movie in the background, and the two of them were cuddling on the recliner. 

“That’s how Christmas is. Slow to come, quick to end,” Y/N told him. 

“That’s what makes it so special,” Hoseok threw out there. Y/N and Jungkook hummed in agreement. The three of them were pretty sleepy, but they didn’t want to disturb the atmosphere. 

It was a calm night to end the special day. 

Jungkook was the first to retire to bed, expressing his thanks and announcing a goodnight. They could tell how tired he was, and they also saw in his face that he wanted to be alone for a while. 

Y/N thought about him, about Taehyung, about Jimin. She thought about Jin and how each of them had been having a rough time. She thought about Hoseok, how up until a couple of days ago he felt alone. 

She came to the realization that Christmas didn’t make everything perfect, didn’t suddenly dismiss all of the problems someone has on any given day. Christmas isn’t miraculous, at least in the sense that it makes everything disappear. What Christmas does is quiets those issues, highlights the love and the warmth that already exists. Christmas reminds you of what you have, and what you can give to other people. 

That’s why Christmas feels rare, because it’s one of those days where you’re showered in what you deserve, and people aren’t used to feeling what they deserve. 

“I have an idea.” Hoseok whispered to his sister. She glanced at him, wondering why he was whispering. She noticed that her parents had dozed off in each other’s arms. 

“Hit me,” Y/N whispered back. 

“It’s a surprise gift for Jungkook.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP, WALRUS!”

Her eyes flew open as she shot up in bed, her heart racing. Looking around, her eyes fell on her smiley brother standing at the foot of her bed. Giving him an icy stare, she fell back in bed and tried to get comfortable once more. It wasn’t even a moment of bliss before Hoseok grabbed a hold of her comforter and ripped it off of her. 

“Hobi, I promise you that if you don’t stop messing with me, I’m going to tell everyone why we used to call you Huggies.”

“It’s Christmas, Ebenezer! Get up and come downstairs!”

She groaned, hating be woken up early. She couldn’t control the smile that had fallen on her lips at his words, stumbling out of bed. 

Hoseok looked pleased, but it disappeared all too soon when Y/N rushed over to him and blew air in his face. He screamed- a little too high-pitched if someone asked her- as he pushed her away, face contorting in disgust. “That’s so nasty! Go brush your teeth, garbage mouth!”

“You love me.”

“Unfortunately. Now hurry up and meet us downstairs!”

She took a few minutes freshening up before she met them downstairs. She found her dad, Jungkook, and Hoseok watching tv. Hoseok had managed to get Jungkook to wear reindeer antlers, and she silently fawned over how adorable he looked. 

“Here!” Hoseok thrust a Christmas tree headband into her hands, before he quickly placed one of those christmas light necklaces over her head. 

“Isn’t this a bit much?”

“You mean, not enough?” He told her seriously, smoothing down his ugly sweater. She shared a look with Jungkook, happy to know that someone else got to see this crazy side of her brother. 

“Merry Christmas, everyone!” Everyone responded, the boys mostly distracted by the television screen. She walked over and leaned down to give her dad a kiss on the cheek, before she asked where her mom was. 

No one had to answer, because she could hear her mom bustling around in the kitchen. She joined her, helping out in any way that she could. 

This was her favorite way to spend Christmas morning: a calm morning after a busy Christmas Eve. 

It was everything she had wished for: to have Hoseok home, and for everyone to be together again. 

“Call the boys. It’s time for breakfast.”

It was after breakfast that she gave Hoseok the signal. She was in the middle of distracting Jungkook with a story, watching as Hoseok not so smoothly took Jungkook’s phone from beside him. He looked panicked after a few moments, showing her that he had guessed the password wrong. 

She stuttered in her story, watching as Jungkook looked at her with mild worry. She waved it off, smoothly continuing on and noticing that Hoseok figured it out. He was quick, disappearing into another room. 

It was a couple minutes later, and Hoseok still wasn’t back. She was starting to get worried because there was a lull in her conversation with Jungkook, and it was at any moment that he was going to notice his phone was-

“Hm. That’s weird.”

Her heart jumped. “What is?”

“I thought I put my phone right here-”

“Jungkook! Come here for a second!” Hoseok called from the living room. Jungkook’s eyebrow lifted in question, but Y/N merely shrugged. She waited for him to lead the way before following closely behind. They walked into the living room, Hoseok standing in the middle with his hands behind his back. 

“What’s up?” Jungkook asked cautiously.

“Well,” Hoseok took a deep breath, “We’re really happy you got to spend Christmas with us. But, we all know it happened because the unfortunate events of you not being able to catch a flight. However, in this day and age, it’s a little easier to see your loved ones. So,” He pulled the phone out from his back, revealing his family on the screen, “Merry Christmas!”

Jungkook’s eyes widened, watching as his family shouted Merry Christmas, his mom as beautiful as he described. He was frozen for a moment, before his face broke into the happiest smile she ever saw on him, him lurching forward to grab onto the phone. 

“Guys! I miss you so much,” His voice faltered, before the smile returned, “I wanted to video call but I felt like I would disturb you.”

“Disturb us? Of course not! It’s Christmas. We’re just so glad you’re well taken care of,” His mom said on the other line. 

His dad said, “Can’t wait for you to join us tomorrow.”

She looked away to give him some privacy, hearing how tender his voice had become as he whispered, “I can’t wait to be with you guys, too.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The following evening, in the middle of watching yet another Christmas movie with the boys, Hoseok began acting strange. He was huddled in the corner on his least favorite chair in the living room, tapping away at his phone. 

After asking him several times what he was doing, Y/N threateningly got up to go to him, and he freaked out. He yelled- again, a little too high-pitched for her ears- before he raced off to his room. 

“What’s up with him?” Y/N asked. “I was only messing with him.”

“I stopped asking myself that a long time ago,” Jungkook responded, unbothered by Hoseok’s antics. 

She decided to ignore it, sitting back down and continuing to watch the movie. About fifteen minutes later, Hoseok re-entered the living room. She didn’t look at him at first, assuming he was going to stop acting weird and finish the movie with him. After he stood in the entryway for too long to be normal, she looked up at him and instantly grew confused. 

He was dressed to go out, his warm clothes a telltale sign that he intended to leave. His next words confirmed that. “I have to head out really quick. I’ll be back soon.”

“Where are you going?” Y/N asked, suspicious. On top of his weird behavior, he was suddenly leaving?

“Yeah. You didn’t mention having to do anything,” Jungkook added.

“Well- Well, I need to go get something from the store,” Hoseok rushed out as he rushed to the front door. This time, she wouldn’t let it slide as she raced to grab him before he made it out the door. 

“Why are you acting so funny? What are you doing?”

“Nothing, Y/N! I have to take care of some business! Just let me be!”

“Why can’t we go with you?” Jungkook asked casually, unmoving from the couch as he stuffed some popcorn into his mouth. Noticing Hoseok’s pointed stare, he said, “What? Just a question.”

“Because.”

“Because why?” She narrowed her eyes, noticing he wouldn’t look at her. He was too nervous, too suspicious. He had always been bad at hiding things. 

“Because I said so! Now leave me alone, you gremlins! I’ll be back!”

Just like that, he disappeared. She was entirely confused, wondering why he had to rush out like that and what he could possibly be hiding that he had to keep from her and Jungkook.

“Maybe he’s getting us a present?” She offered up to Jungkook. 

He looked over at her and shrugged. “Who knows with him. Maybe he just wanted a dessert and didn’t want to have to pay for us.”

“He’s not like that!”

“He’s like that with me,” He scoffed playfully, before the conversation ended. 

She looked down at her phone. 8:03 PM. There was nothing she could do now, so she tried to focus on the movie. 

Around an hour and a half later, she got a text from her brother. Only, it wasn’t a text but he had shared a location with her. Clicking on it, she felt worry build realizing it wasn’t a place, but a road.

Was he in trouble?

“Jungkook.” He looked over at her. “Hoseok’s worrying me. He just sent me a random location. It just looks like a road.”

“You know what this means, right?”

“What?” She asked him. Jungkook sat up quickly.

“He’s sending us on a scavenger hunt!”

“Or to our death.”

“Highly doubt he could. Come on! Let’s go!”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! Now come on! Get your coat on!” She had never seen him so pumped up, and now she was really worried. As she got her coat on, she tried to call her brother but to no avail. What was going on?

It didn’t take long to reach the spot, though the drive was completely nerve-wracking. Had he been in an accident? Why hadn’t he answered when she called and why had he still not called her back? 

And Jungkook was acting weird now, too, drumming his fingers on his thigh. When she tried to strike up a conversation, he gave her short and distracted answers. 

It was a twenty minute drive to the road that Hoseok had sent to her. She recognized one of the cars- her parents’ car, parked on the side of the road. Right behind it was a car she didn’t recognize. 

What was going on?

Just as she asked herself that question, she pulled in front of her parents’ car and parked the car, looking into the rearview mirror. Seeing two figures sitting in the car, she watched them for a moment. 

“Who is that?” She asked herself. 

Like magic, her question was answered as both car doors opened. She peeked out the side mirror on the left, seeing her brother shaking his body up and down, likely from the cold. She narrowed her eyes at the right mirror, studying the figure who stood at the front hood of her parents’ car. 

Her eyes looked over his dark curtain of hair, his head tilted to her brother. His hands were buried in his long dark coat, his entire ensemble as dark as Jungkook’s was when she first met him. 

She took in his lanky figure, his familiar stance and his distant but familiar features, and her heart jumped. 

Unclipping her seatbelt, she quickly fumbled for the car door and rushed out into the cold, the air slapping her and trying to discourage her. Nothing could stop her, though, as she raced through the cold, past her brother and right toward her warmth. 

Yoongi barely had time to register she was racing right toward him before he opened his arms and she fell into them. 

It was falling into a warm bath, washing over her body and soul. He was her haven, protecting her from the cold and from all of the hardships she had recently overcame. 

He was here, right in front of her. 

And she couldn’t gather the words to express how happy she was to be with him.

“You’re here,” she whispered into his chest, inhaling his cologne. He chuckled a little, adjusting his grip on her. 

Kissing the side of her head, he said, “I am.”

“How? I thought you were just going to stay with your family today.”

He pulled away, looking at her with smiley eyes. A side of his mouth tugged upward as he declared, “I did stay with my family today. It’s night time now.”

“Yoongi…” Her eyes looked anywhere but him. Shuffling in place, he tightened his grip on her to keep her from being embarrassed, “You didn’t have to. I’m sorry if you felt like you had to leave your family-”

“I’m going to stop you right there. I didn’t have to do anything, that’s true. But I missed you and wanted to see you. That’s why I wanted to surprise you. Except, things didn’t go so well,”He hissed at the last words, his eyes going to the car she didn’t recognize. “I should’ve listened to my mom when she said the car’s been having problems.”

“Ah, so that car is your mom’s.”

“Yeah. She gave me the idea to surprise you.”

“Really?” Her entire body stiffened with nerves. “You told her about us?” 

He gave her a look of disbelief. “I told her the day I met you that you were going to be my future girlfriend.”

“Seriously?” She choked on a laugh, not aware that he had told his family before she even got around to telling her family they were together. Of course, they knew of Yoongi, but she assumed they thought they were friends. She was just so nervous to tell them, especially given that he was Hoseok’s friend. 

He cracked a smile, gently playing with her hair and looking her over. “Yes, seriously. She was nervous about letting me use the car, and now I know why. But using it led me to this moment. So I don’t regret it.”

“You’re amazing,” She said, breathlessly. They stared at each other for a moment, losing themselves in each other’s eyes. He tilted his head a bit, his telltale that he was going to kiss her, until Hoseok cut in.

“Not to ruin the lovely moment, but it is freezing out here and I really don’t want to see my sister kiss anyone. Mind if we get in the car?”

“Sure, Hoseok. Thank you,” Yoongi’s voice was dripped in sarcasm. 

They all gathered in their parents’ car, Hoseok turning on the heater. 

“So,” Y/N pointed at her brother, “He knew about it.”

Yoongi looked unamused. “Yes. And did a real crappy job at not being suspicious.”

Hoseok whirled around from the driver’s seat. “Hey! It’s not my fault she knows me so well! She can tell the moment I start acting different!”

Yoongi shot back, “Then don’t act different.”

Y/N said, “Doesn’t help that he screamed like a baby when I acted like I was going to take his phone.”

“All that matters is she didn’t figure out you were coming,” Hoseok threw his hands up. They all laughed at how offended he was acting. 

“I knew too. Well, after I asked if we could come he texted me and went off on me,” Jungkook told her.

“See? Now, Jungkook knows how to act less suspicious,” Y/N pointed out.

Hoseok shook his head. “You guys suck.”

Yoongi and Y/N shared a smile, him reaching out to intertwine their fingers. It was a moment she engraved in her mind, sitting in that back seat waiting for a tow truck. 

She vaguely listened as Hoseok described his grand idea of calling her out to his location, calling it more “romantic” if she came to see him where he broke down instead of him bringing Yoongi back to the house. 

She hummed along, mostly distracted by Yoongi’s presence. He was breath-taking, absolutely stunning. He was wearing a maroon turtleneck, probably for the occasion. His hair was swept barely above his eyes, which were in the middle of looking her over as well. 

Suddenly, she grew embarrassed considering she was still in her pajamas and the apparel that Hoseok had forced them to wear this morning. At least Jungkook had taken off his antlers. 

Yoongi leaned over, uttering into her ear, “You look so cute.”

She smiled down at their intertwined hands, rubbing her thumb over his. “So do you.”

They tilted their heads together, her heart racing. 

“Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

“Merry Christmas, Yoongi.”

There it was. Somehow, in some way, it always worked out. Even if it was the slightest shift. 

Christmas had already been perfect. But her gift was right here beside her, her Christmas in a person was with her. 

She couldn’t ask for anything better. 

“Now,” Hoseok clapped his hands at the tow truck pulled up behind their line of cars, grinning back at Yoongi, “You ready to meet my parents?”

Yoongi nodded confidently. “Of course.”

The mischief danced in Hoseok’s eyes. “You ready to meet them as Y/N’s boyfriend?”

She watched the fear enter Yoongi’s eyes, reaching forward to shove Hoseok. She ignored his scream, lying her head on Yoongi’s shoulder.

“They’re going to love you.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I love you.”

~~~~~~~~~~

About a week later, the photos that her mom had taken on Christmas were finally developed. She was a sentimental woman, one who liked to buy those old-fashioned ones you had to get developed at a CVS Pharmacy. 

She laid them all out on the table, looking them over one by one. 

There was a photo of Taehyung and Taeyeon, posed near the Christmas Tree. She was on his back, both of them in the midst of laughing. 

A picture of Hoseok and Y/N, backs against each other and finger guns poised. They were standing near the family Stockings, the ones that Hoseok insisted on every year. 

Jungkook in a candid photo of him checking out the Nutcracker she put out on the mantle every single year, studying it. 

A photo of Seokjin with his arm around Namjoon’s shoulders, both of them unsmiling but comfortable. They were posed as if they were two Carolers, awaiting someone to open the door.

A picture of Jimin helping adjust the Angel at the top of the tree, his parents in the background smiling proudly at him.

Other pictures of everyone scattered about. 

The last photo of the disposable camera was at the bottom of the pile, a picture of Yoongi, Y/N, and Hoseok, outside and surrounded by the porch’s Christmas Lights. 

It was a beautiful Christmas. Not perfect to most, but perfect to them.

[royal-duality]

Don’t Let Me Lose Myself

A/N: I wrote some Roman angst already, so have some Patton angst!!! I’ll probably do Logan next. Idk yet :/

Warnings: Lots of talk of gender dysphoria and general body dysphoria

Word Count: 1470

Pairing(s): LAM(With platonic P)

Summary: Patton wants to lose weight, but he's scared that losing weight will cause him to lose who he is.

------

The air was cold against his skin as he stared at his figure in the mirror. The binder pressing against his skin tightly, hiding what made him, her. Because he wasn’t her. He never was and never would be. Appearances were very deceiving even to the eye of the owner.

He locked gazes with his reflection, staring at the chubbiness of his body. He had been wanting to lose weight for a while. As much as the others claimed he was handsome, and his chubbiness was more than welcome, he still wanted to lose weight.

Sure, he’d never be as thin as Virgil or as buff as Roman, or as proportionate as Logan. But part of that was because he wasn’t like them. His body was completely different. The thought of starting testosterone and going through hormone replacement therapy had crossed his mind more than once. But part of him didn’t want to, not yet at least. Which sounded so wrong to his own ears, and he burst into tears when he told the others. Of course, they all supported him, assuring him that it didn’t make him any less of a man.

He poked at the pieces of fat that filled over and under his binder. He really did want to lose weight though. Partially because he wanted to stay healthy and live a long happy life with his friends and family. Especially for his boyfriends/qpp.

However, the one problem that stood in his way, the only thing keeping him from even trying to lose weight, was that he didn’t want to look more feminine. It was a stupid fear because he knew that losing weight and being more healthy should be more important than his stupid fears, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

He was too afraid that if he lost the roundness in his face, or the chub around his waist that made his hips stand out less, that he would begin to look more like her, rather than who he was.

Even more so, he didn’t want to see how pretty he looked and forget that he was a boy. Because what if he looked better as a girl? What if he was just desperate for attention and called himself a boy to gain it? What if it was all a lie? A facade that would break as soon as he saw his cheekbones and jawline that was too rounded and smooth? The waist that curved in, just slightly more than the average man?

Tears streamed down his face as he hugged himself tightly, his gaze never leaving the reflection that showed him what he failed to be.

A knock on the door sounded before Virgil’s voice came through. “Hey, Pat, everything okay in there?” His voice was low as he spoke but filled with concern that flooded Patton’s veins that flowed with ice, sending warmth racing through his skin and leaving a small smile on his face.

“Yeah, kiddo, I’m okay!” He replied, fake cheer in his voice, hoping Virgil wouldn’t notice. He should have known better, this was Virgil, probably the only one who could and would call bullshit when anyone lies or tries to pretend they’re fine when they’re not. Patton almost felt bad, he knew Virgil hated lies, if only because someone always got hurt by them.

He heard a sigh from outside the door and hunched his shoulders preparing for a lecture when Virgil spoke again, his voice small and quiet as it barely passed the barrier of the door, “Let me in, Pat.”

Patton clenched his eyes shut, willing away the tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks once more, as he pasted a smile on his face and opened the door, one arm still wrapped around himself. “Hey, kiddo-” “Don’t.” He stopped, his smile faltering slightly as he stared at Virgil who stared at him worriedly, his expression stone as he glared at Patton in concern. It was such a Virgil thing to do.

Patton let his smile drop as Virgil opened his arms, allowing Patton to just flop into the embrace where he was held warm against the other’s boney chest. “You’re too skinny Virge.”

He felt the other man’s chest rumble as he chuckled. “You still let me hug you, so I think I’m just the right amount of skinny.” Patton hummed against the other man’s chest. “Do you wanna tell me what’s going on?” His boyfriend asked, his voice soft as he tightened his grip around Patton.

The two stood in silence for a moment as he mulled over the pros and cons of discussing such an issue. Part of him wanted to and knew he should talk to someone about it, and who better than the man who practically lived his life in fear. But at the same time, part of him was scared that Virgil would laugh at him or be disgusted by the thought of Patton looking more feminine in figure.

Letting out a sigh, Patton closed his eyes and pressed himself closer to Virgil, as though trying to burrow into the other man.

“I want to lose weight.” Silence. He pulled away just enough to see Virgil blink down at him in confusion.

“Okay?” He drew the word out as his brows furrowed in thought. “Are… I, don’t understand Pat. Is that why you were crying?”

A blush lit up the chubby man’s face as he buried his nose into Virgil’s chest once more. “No! Yes? Kind of, but not really…” He let out a huff of frustration as he tried to get the words to come out. “I just, if I lose weight that means I’ll lose all the fat that hides the parts of me that don’t belong. I’ll look like a girl.” His voice broke as he ranted about how he felt.

“And I’m scared that if I look in the mirror and see that I look more feminine, I’ll realize that I’ve been lying to everyone including myself this whole time. I don’t want to be a girl again Virgil, but I’m scared that if I look pretty and feminine, then I’ll realize that I only wanted to be a boy because I was such an ugly, fat girl! I don’t want to lose you or Logan or Roman because I won’t be a guy anymore!” By the point he had finished ranting, his words had devolved into sobs as he broke down against the other man who just held him tightly in his arms.

They stood there for a long time, Patton sobbing against the thin man’s chest, his hands tangled in the other’s black and purple patchwork hoodie as he rocked them both to soothe the sobbing man. Through sobs and sniffles, he heard the telltale voice of the man as he sang quietly to him, his voice higher than most would assume, but still holding a dark tone to it.

After a while, Patton’s sobs began to die down. He felt Virgil pull away slightly and only gripped the man closer to him, afraid that he would leave and never return. A soothing sensation filled him as the other squeezed him gently and shushed his whimpers. “It’s okay, Patton. I’m not gonna leave you. Nobody else will either.”

Heaving, one last deep breath, he relinquished his hold on the man’s hoodie, pulling away before wiping his tears away with his fist.  “You don’t know that.”

Virgil chuckled before reaching over and ruffling his curly, strawberry blonde hair. “Yeah, I do you dork. Look, I don’t really understand how you feel, I can’t imagine how difficult and confusing it must be to feel so lost about your gender. And I may not be as smart as Mr. Textbook, but if there’s one thing I do know it's that none of us would give you up. Not in a house, not for a mouse.” Patton let out a snort of amusement, making Virgil’s lips quirk.

“You know that none of us are strictly dickly-” Patton swatted him on the arm with a slight glare even as amusement flooded his features “-so if you decide that you are indeed a girl, then our relationship won’t change much if at all. But Patton, no matter how you look, chubby or skinny, feminine or masculine, or whatever the hell else that doesn’t fit into those stupid labels, we all love you. And we’re all going to support you no matter what. You’re famILY.”

Tears welled in both their eyes as they stared at each other. “You’re such a door -k,” He said as he knocked on the door, causing Virgil to groan fondly as Patton giggled. “Thank you, Virge.” He leaned up and kissed his boyfriend’s cheek before holding his hands tightly in his own.

[ventingviper-blog]

VENT a short essay (only partially chronological)

My grandparents tried throwing me a surprise sweet 16 and it was a surprise I had fun. But I walked in and only two or three of my friends were there. One that’s still my friend to this day, another who is my current boyfriend's best friend, but were on rocky terms now and a basketball teammate. Like I know I should get over it but when you’re told the guest list after the party and realize 10 or so people didn’t show it really sucks. The party ended up being mostly family friends, all of which are my grandparent's age, and family. Like I’m grateful for the people who did show up and I still love them which is why I don’t care if my boyfriend's best friend doesn’t like me anymore he’s always gonna be a person I’ll help no matter what. But damn it really fucked up my self-esteem, I feel like most people around me purely tolerate my existence and don’t actually enjoy my company. I’ve been dealing with abandonment issues since I was a child and I can’t even feel happy trying to create a new family of friends because it stopped being worth the effort. I stopped reaching out to see people and now going out to events is a drag. We hang out with my boyfriend and his friends but honestly trying to feel welcomed in a group of people that been together since 1st grade is a long shot at best. I went with two of them to get drinks at one point and they literally stood in a way where I was the 3rd person on a 2 man sidewalk. He so badly wants me to be a part of his group of friends and I’m trying but there’s literally only 1 it seems I get along with. Then his controlling mother and ass hat of a father, literally my entire, ENTIRE, fucking family loves this man I love this man but his fucking family is a GIANT. BAG. OF. DICKS! Like I get it him and I fucked up in our last month of high school and got pregnant. I WASN’T EVEN THE FIRST PERSON TO KNOW AND I WAS THE PREGNANT ONE! My grandma, she’s amazing but also a cunt at her worst, went into MY kaiser account, she had the password, and checked my test results then called me yelling at 8:30am on a Sunday, after I’d just left the house. So in the 10 minutes it took me to go pick up my boyfriend, he was in the car, I answer the phone and its pure rage, I have no idea what's going on, so she says look at the results and hangs up. Well, we went back and told his mom, who literally says “ what is ‘current boyfriend’ going to think of me?!” great priorities there. Then I went to my grandparent's house to discuss it with them, and my grandma starts off with “ well you have one option”, which I didn’t and then after 2 weeks made my final decision but that two weeks was a living hell. My grandma threatened to revoke my brothers and my graduation trip because of everything that was going on and then said we ( oh yeah grandpa’s been silent this whole ass time) feel you should move in with your mom. I HAD NEVER BEEN MORE PISSED IN MY LIFE! THIS WOMAN HAD MY FATHER AT 17(I can do simple math) AND WAS SUPPORTED BY HER FAMILY YET SHE COULDN’T DO MORE THAN SCREAM WHEN IT HAPPENED TO SOMEONE ELSE. Then my mother comes at me from the other side saying “oh we're going to run away to Washington state and I’ll help you raise the baby” - not going to lie almost agreed to this... so we told my family cause I couldn’t figure out what to do and was honestly thinking about keeping the baby and raising it or, more likely, adoption. WELL HERE COMES THE GOD DAMN CHOIR. My grandma, a look of disgust. His father Not even dogs give away there young. My mom, and the option I was leaning towards the most actually and wanted to do, “ Your aunt had a hysterectomy and hasn’t been able to have children, is willing to take the baby and raise him” She would have raised him as his aunty which wasn’t necessary I wanted him to feel like the people with him were his real parents, and I’d just have to fly/ drive to Washington to give birth, I was ready for this one, happy about the choice. but happiness can’t last too long right, of course not. His father decides to chime in, “insert adoption comment here” oh and the pièce de résistance “If you don’t break up with this girl I will have you castrated or you can dump her.” the two options and the bonus, “If you do anything other than abortion I’ll disown you”. Threatening your son into convincing his pregnant girlfriend to have an abortion. Then his mom joins the fray of people, we go out to lunch she tells me her sob story of how she had an abortion in college and felt it was the right thing to do and feels that her son is the same soul she aborted and all that great stuff, that honestly, I don’t even know if it’s true or not. But damn I haven’t really gotten over the fact that I went through his phone during that time, yes I know It’s wrong I got over doing that after the first year, HE WAS SCREENSHOTTING OUR TEXTS AND SENDING THEM TO HIS MOTHER AND THEN COPYING AND PASTING HER RESPONSE TO ME, I was pissed so I texted him and mentioned us taking a break because obviously tensions were high and I wasn’t feeling the best towards him and he comes back almost instantly with “why? so you can ruin my life?” HE DOESN’T EVEN REMEMBER SAYING THAT TO ME BUT I SURE AS FUCK DO.  That one still comes back up to piss me off every so often. So I ended up having an abortion, the medication made me vomit, I can still remember the cold tone the nurses used towards me and the warm tone to the woman next to me, we were in for the same procedure but they’d accidentally punctured her uterine wall, I still get sad and teary when I think about it and its been 5 years, I still get flashbacks to the feeling of the blood between my thighs, It was more than a period ever prepared you for and the clots are just huge, I cried myself to sleep and he held me the entire time and stayed by my. which is probably why we're still together.

But then we were put through a test again. We went out drinking one night, played videogames and whenever you lost you took a half shot, spoiler alert I. LOST. EVERY. GAME. I played maybe 6 games and ended up becoming the designated loser (loser stay till they win) I was the drunkest person there. Well it came time to go cause the host's girlfriend wanted to go to a bar but we wanted to go home when I was sober my boyfriend and I agreed to Uber home his friend parked his car in place where we could leave it overnight and it wouldn’t be towed, his friend said it’s in the lot across the street (important), well we decide to leave and my boyfriend says he’s good to drive, had like 4 beers and a shot is he’s 6′3″ ish and 200lbs. Well, we're heading out and start to go find the car, I realize my jacket is gone, I let him know. NOW ACCORDING TO HIM I RAN BACK TO THE HOUSE TO GET MY JACKET. I don’t remember this however I do remember turning around and my boyfriend was no longer there. So I ran to go find him, still no jacket, I remember checking for headlights and not seeing any so I ran across the street, checked the parking lot and couldn’t find him or his car, so I ran back. As I get back to the other side of the street, everyone's favorite light show starts and I get pulled over by two cops. Well, theY sit me at the bus stop and question me, I HAVE NOTHING ON ME, PHONE, KEYS, WALLET, NOT A SINGLE DAMN THING. So they ask what I’m doing I explain I was at a friend's house drinking a bit and came outside to find my ride, and like clockwork, my boyfriend pulls up and goes to pull up to the curb and see what's going on AND. TAPS. THE. FUCKING. CURB. Immediately the cops say “did you see the way he hit that curb?” He gets out the car to see what's up they yell at him to get back in the car nothing else, so he drives into the parking lot and parks then comes back, they're still talking to me, address, phone number, SSN all that jazz, which I somehow remembered. Then they start focusing on him, they never asked him to come over they allowed him to because he had my wallet. They start giving him the test, pupil, walking, breathalyzer I got kinda cold so they asked him for his jacket to give to me. I’m watching and then I turn around, the cars have multiplied another cop showed up, not even sure when. They start discussing something while we're sitting on the bench, then they say we gotta do one more test and have him come too near the squad car. Well, I’m talking to the other cop then I glance to see how the test is going and he’s cuffed and being put in the car. That was all the info I got they’re taking him in. Of course, drunk me starts crying and I get up and go get his friends and then the cops take his keys and moves his car back to the lot it won't get towed in, well we don’t know what to do so we decide to call his mom, I couldn’t speak because I was crying too hard so his friend spoke. They call me an Uber and it takes me to fucking Aqui’s, so now I’m drunk by myself and crying in the middle of downtown Campbell after everything has been shut down and its a ghost area. I call his best friend and don’t know what to do I just feel guilty his friend asks if I need a ride and I say no, cause you can never inconvenience someone for such a trivial matter, and make it seem like I just called crying like a crazy person ( he hasn’t really talked to me since). I get myself in an uber and to my grandparent's house, I live by myself 5 mins from their place but couldn’t be alone that night, I set up on the couch and get the it’ll be alright comfort speech. They leave I call my mom, history of abusive junky boyfriends and baby daddies with drinking problems, who would know more about someone being arrested than her? She gives me the rundown on what's going to happen and tells me not to feel guilty. So I lay my trashed ass down and watch tv and fall asleep, I had called his mom and so I knew someone was looking out for him I just didn’t know what to do and knew to go to a police station absolutely blasted would be a terrible choice, but apparently, his fucking mother was like She should be here all night worried like I am. I woke up at 3am to 5 missed calls from the police station, queue worst guilt I have ever felt in my entire life! and then the alcohol said the parties over, I vomited and dry heaved the worst tasting vomit in my life. He got picked up I went over around 10:30 11:00 no one was awake but his best friend was outside so I took him to get my boyfriend's car and keys. Literally later that day my boyfriend comes over and he says his mom is pissed and that she literally asked if he was going to dump me and when he said no she said: “then what's it going to take?”, she complained about me not doing anything saying she heard it from his friend, didn’t notice the call came from MY PHONE, “your best friend went to get your car I don't know who took him but he got it”, bitch I took him, and then “you’re not surrounding yourself with the right people” she absolutely “loves” his friends and “loved” me until we started dating, and she greets all his friends with a smile but will barely acknowledge either of us if we come inside. She blames me for this entire thing and I am no longer allowed at his house. She threatened to kick him out and make him come live with me, which would violate the agreement I have with my grandparents upon renting a place from them and is why I told him to not tell his mom I moved out because she’s prone to this line of threat. ( I was threatened once to be kicked out and said fuck your timeline if you want me gone I’m gone and moved in with my mother). His parents literally referred to me as “that stupid little girl he’s dating” and when describing what happened his mom said she was being stupid and running around in the middle of the street then walked up to three cops and started talking to them. I got pulled over, the most I could have done was acted like I hadn’t seen them. The only thing I really feel guilty about is that I got let off without even a warning they just kinda brushed over me and went straight for him. We now have an arrangement that he’s never allowed to approach me when I’m with cops. You wouldn’t think you’d have to have that talk.

Summary: I’m really fucking done with my boyfriend's shitty parents and I’m about to tell them to fuck off. But my boyfriend just wants peace in this world so now I’m here.

I’m also still recovering from trauma throughout my life.

Edit: He blew a .08 on the field test the legal limit exactly and then .06 in the lab thats less than 15 mins away

[tesslahanline1991]

Reiki Des Moines Stunning Cool Tips

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Reiki Symbol Healing

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1st 3 Reiki Symbols

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[pyrewriter]

The Price (part 2)

"You know it's funny, when I first started being Chat Noir the rooftops were like another world, a world above the normal Parisian life of woven streets and alleys. Now I've been up here so long it's just an 'upstairs' to me". Adrien wasn't in a rush as the evening had only just begun so it would still be a few hours before he had to be at work. He found himself worrying about the Familia, he hadn't seen them since their party and none of them had called or texted since then. Even if they had gotten black out drunk ,which they didn’t, and were still hungover it was still odd that no one tried to reach out to him. 

Then a terrifying thought wormed its way to the forefront of his mind. He had just stepped over what was a thin line and admitted to doing so without remorse so what would his Familia think. Adrien wouldn't blame them if they were scared of or thought him a monster for his actions but at the same time he wasn't sure why they would. They've all been through hell and back without ever wavering, Nino and Milo were understanding and Fe' knew him better than any living person. The previous wielders had nothing but concern and compassion for Adrien as they felt partially responsible for him having to take a life. 

The thought occupied his mind until he was suddenly standing in front of the tavern, his hand hovering over the handle. "Why am I hesitating?" he thought "I've always taken my social lashing in stride so what makes this so different, why am I shaking?".

"Because your Familia is more than just some group of strangers, they are the ones who have been through everything with you".

"Because you care about what your Familia thinks".

"Because you're afraid of being alone again, you don't want to go back".

Adrien's precursors manifested themselves as they surrounded him placing their hands on his ,their presence, he could almost feel it. Before his mind could wonder again to torture him with possibilities the tavern door swung open and his body was locked in place by a pair of lilac-amethysts from his sister. Before he could react she wrapped herself around him in a vice like embrace, voices coming from inside the tavern tore his attention upward. Nino, Milo, the old woman who ran the shop he bought incense from, and the officers who had taken care of Belial had gathered. Nino and Milo joined in on the hug while the others let out sighs of relief 

Belial had wiggled his way free and walked up to the officers whom he had recognized and pretended to have hurt paw, meowing for attention. They picked him up and held him like a baby which Belial absolutely loved every second of. "We were just about to go out and start looking for ya, Chat" one of the officers said. The shop owner met his eyes and nodded while giving a kind and warm smile that was worth a hundred words.  

Nino scolded Adrien just a little "You better not go ghosting the whole city again after your little speech, I won't let you" he said. 

Milo had a similar sentiment, "You don't have to hide anymore kid, you've got a Familia and a community that will stand by you even if the city is against you". 

"Thank you, all of you" Adrien said ignoring the crack in his voice, the sight of them gathered together with their kind words had washed worry from his mind. He smiled beneath his mask but mentally kicked himself for not giving them more credit and thinking that they would abandon him when he knew they weren't that kind of people. Still though "You don't think of me any differently?" he asked tentatively as they released him from the embrace.

Fe' put her head against his "You're never rash without reason, there's a reason, there's always something that's out of your control that forces your hand". 

Adrien closed his eyes and let out a deep long winded sigh of relief that ended with a slight chuckle. His chuckle turned to a laugh, "And here I thought I wasn't so easy to read, guess some things never change though" he said. "Well I suppose I owe everyone an explanation huh?" he asked, addressing the room. With his thoughts Adrien silently asked his precursors what he could tell. Both Xylon and Nalma fed him the information he needed in order to not sound like a complete psychopath. One detail however that seemed to pull at the heart strings of Nalma in particular, her tone was sad and cold. 

"The power that I was granted and it's will are nigh unrivaled, had I not chosen to not kill Lila an overriding will would have taken control of me. It would have made its presence known and carried out the deed regardless of what I thought or wanted. I decided to do it myself because no matter how you look at it the blood still gets on my hands, might as well take responsibility" Adrien explained. He was reciting what he was told so all this was new to him but managed to hide that fact from the others. Despite Xylon and Nalma's forthcoming attitude though he could tell there was still more they weren't telling him.    

Everyone sat quietly and listened to his explanation and seemed to accept it even though they didn't fully understand the details. Then again it was magic they were talking about and to them he was granted power to carry out the will of an omnipotent force beyond his control. Everyone took a minute to process what they had just been told, some things still didn't seem quite right but they assumed that there were details he couldn’t share and accepted his word. 

The officers nuzzled Belial goodbye before taking their leave, "We came to make sure you were doing ok but we'll be sure to put something about that in the official report" one said. 

When the three of them were gone the old shop owner left when her ride came, before leaving however she had brought the regular bulk order of incense and wax paper. "I know what it's like to be damned if you do, damned if you don't, you are stronger than many" she told him with an understandingly kind smile as she handed him the I.C supplies.

Once everyone was gone and only members of the Familia were left the tavern immediately exploded with more questions. "What really happened?", "Are you sure you're ok?", "How do you know all this?", "Why?". Adrien did his best to answer their questions but he had to be careful but he did tell the grand majority of the truth. He told them of the council, the vote that had been cast, and why he had voted for rather than against. The mention of speaking with precursors brought more questions but he played it off as a one time thing, he didn't want to explain anymore than he had to. Again everyone accepted his answers, though he hated having to lie about so many things there were a lot of things were still hidden from him as well.

"Adrien, for the next month if you don't show up on time I want you to take the day off" Milo said with a stern look on his face but a soft concern in his voice. 

"B-but Uncle-" Adrien tried to argue.

Milo cut him off "That's an order from your employer and a favor from your Uncle" he elaborated. "I'm not saying don't show up I'm telling you that you've got vacation days to burn so if you're late it counts as you taking a vacation day this month" Milo said, unwavering.

Letting out a sigh and removing his mask to show his smile Adrien replied with a chuckle, "Understood, Uncle".

"Good! Now get changed, we open in twenty minutes. Nino, that means you too. And Fe', your welcome to help, stay, help or dine". Fe' simply smiled and followed the boys into the back, "Glad to have the help" Milo said flashing a smile of his own.

Unsurprisingly the tavern was packed throughout the night, a few patrons got into drunken heated arguments about wanting to stay a Cheshire. More often than not they bickered over fear of association with one party calling the other a fool or coward for having wavering faith in the community and it’s leaders. Adrien quickly and personally settled the disputes before they turned to altercations and somebody got hurt. "Being a Cheshire is a choice and there is no commitment other than supporting a larger community. If you don't like what we stand for anymore then you can leave your mask at the door on your way out but until then sit down, shut up, and stop causing a scene".

There were more than a few masks sitting next to the door by the end of the night but being a Cheshire was completely voluntary and they had no need for anyone afraid of what society would think. The Cheshire were wide spread across the city, part of almost everything from emergency services, law enforcement, healthcare, and public transport to the local bakery. They were everywhere yet all they did was help their fellow Cheshire and citizens or ,on occasion, assist in dealing with Akuma attacks or act as eyes and ears for Chat Noir. The only real commitment was swearing that so long as you were willing to bare your teeth you would answer the call for help, be it from Chat Noir or an unfortunate soul on the streets. 

Since New year enough time had passed that both news coverage and internet chatter of the incident had died down considerably since the initial boom. Ladybug and Chat Noir continued their duties however and continued to patrol Paris as they always had. It was harder for Ladybug though as she was living with Chloe' which made it hard to transform without ditching her. Chat was more than understanding and didn't mind solo patrolling every so often. It gave him time to prod Nalma about how she knew so much. She was reluctant of course but eventually ,during a midnight stroll when Adrien couldn't sleep, the truth came out. Plagg was asleep in his usual shirt pocket and Belial was sleeping soundly with Fe' in her apartment so it was just them.

"Remember when I told you about the day my identity was revealed, how 'true colors were shown'?" Nalma asked with a heavy hearted tone. 

Adrien nodded once "I remember".

"Heh well let's just say there wasn't always that short sermon for the council" a smirk managed to cross Nalma's face but disappeared as quickly as it formed. "I was the first Noir whose bell had tolled, I didn't know what it meant ,no Noir did, but a vote was cast and I voted against" she gestured to him "the situation wasn't too dissimilar to yours". Her eyes drifted to him "I was fighting someone I knew that had gotten caught up in some dark incantations and botched it, they had fallen to the corrupting power and it fell to me". Adrien's eyes met hers for a moment before she looked away "The people of the village were close to containing and purging him of the corruption but...my bell tolled. I wasn't the only one to against but majority rules ,I refused of course, so the choice was taken from me".

"Taken from you?" he asked, a mix of fury and cold disillusion in his voice.

Crossing her arms she looked away "Yeah", there was a pregnant pause then ,clearing her throat she continued. "I don't know how exactly but control of my body was taken from me and another Noir took over ,Paksis if I'm not mistaken, all I could do was watch. If they had just waited a few more seconds the purging ritual would have been complete and there would have been no need to take a life. As it stood however the village blamed me for taking the life of the mage's disciple and the lives of those who tried to stop the council. No matter how much I pleaded everyone I had ever known turned their backs on me as if I had never existed, as if all I had protected them from meant nothing. Plagg was the only one who offered any solace despite everything I called him". 

"Let me guess, Xylon was the second Noir to have their bell tolled" Adrien said with the same disillusioned tone, Nalma's slow nod confirmed what he had surmised. When he ended the Witch trials and the Church he did so of his own accord but wielded the unrelenting power of the council. He didn't want to bring up such a sensitive topic such as that again but it wasn't hard to gather that the council convened in response to the death of Xylon's ladybug. After a while of letting everything sink in Adrien spoke slowly, gently, "Thank you Nalma, I...know what it's like to be blamed for event's beyond your control". 

It seemed like almost no matter what happened to this city it's people just keep living in-spite of everything that's been thrown at them. Resilience was one thing that Adrien had been building since birth but after moving to Paris and becoming Chat Noir it was in his bones now. His old apartment in the US and even the mansion could never be called homes by him or his siblings, Paris as a city was different. Fe', Plagg, Nino, Milo, Belial, they made the city feel like home, a home worth fighting for with all he had.   

As the days of continued inaction turned to weeks without so much as even a sighting of an Akuma it was quiet again. "I'm starting to think that Hawkmoth is scared of you Chatton, he's gone quiet again" Ladybug joked. 

Chat chuckled, a smirk displaying across his mask as he replied "Yeah well he can join the international 'Is Chat really a hero?' club". He could see Ladybug rub her arm, she looked like she was holding something back. "You want to ask me something, don't you?" he asked, picking up on his partner's body language. 

Surprised by the suddenness she waved her arms "N-No no, well...yes" she blurted then sighed "I guess I never change huh?".

"That's not true ,not entirely anyways, you've changed" he assured her.

Ladybug shook her head to refocus "Well that's beside the point" she said "I wanted to ask you about how you're doing, it hasn't been long since the events of New Years. I know you can shrug most things off but whatever happened seems to be sticking with you more than usual, I know you don't trust me with your secrets but I'm here if you need to talk". She did her best to give him a smile and console him with a hand on his shoulder but when he looked at her he made a look of regret and pain then looked away.

Chat put his hands over his eyes trying to block the things he was seeing, they were like hallucinations or were they memories, visions maybe, it didn't matter. Phantoms of other Chats is all they were but when so many flickered and mixed in his vision it hurt his head. As if merely being haunted by the broken knowledge and memories of all the other versions of himself they had to invade his reality as well. After a minute the world around him returned to solidarity, he looked to his partner "Sorry about that I've been having some bad headaches, nothing to worry about" he told her. Opening the phone on his staff he looked at the time "UGH! I need to get going before my uncle tells me to take another sick day for being late".

Ladybug smiled and waved her partner off as he jumped to the roofs and ran into the night, she watched as that toothy smile on his back disappeared. "Tikki, Spots Off" in a flash Marinette and Tikki were alone on the Eiffel tower. 

"It's getting harder for him to hide the pain" Tikki said in a somber tone.

"He's not the only one".

Spinning to look at her wielder and friend Tikki was surprised to be met with daggers coming from Marinette's eyes, "I...don't think you're ready" she said looking away as she spoke. 

Marinette's expression softened and she sighed "I know" then, bringing her Kwami close in an embrace "I just wish I wasn't in the dark on what happened to Chat" her voice was kind. 

Tikki nuzzled her wielder "I would tell you if I had the answers".

"You mean you don't know either?" Marinette was confused and concerned, the Council sounded important and if Tikki wasn't in the know about it something was definitely wrong. 

"I don't know the reasoning yet but I was left out of an important decision, we should visit the Guardian tomorrow if we can" Tikki said adding "I need to have a chat with my fellow Kwami". 

Marinette nodded before asking "You ready? Chloe' will be getting concerned soon".

"Sugar! Your right and yes I'm ready let's go".

"Did you just swear?" Marinette asked with a raised eyebrow and an amused smile.

"Just transform" Tikki deadpanned.

Still smiling Marinette stood "Tikki, Spots On", the streets were almost barren during patrol but on her way back Ladybug saw a number of vehicles all heading in the same direction as she was, each taking a different path. Given more time she probably would have stalked one of them out of curiosity but she was already running late. It didn't take long for Ladybug to reach Le Grand Paris, hoping into one of the darker nearby alleys she de-transformed "Tikki, Spots Off". Wordlessly Tikki flew into Marinette's bag to hide and began snacking on a strawberry macaroon.

Jean was waiting for her at the door, as she approached he opened it, greeting and welcoming Marinette "Welcome back Madame Marinette, I hope the night has treated you well". 

Smiling she returned the greeting, "Evening Jean, and thank you for getting the door" they walked to the lift together "Chloe' sent you didn't she?". 

When the doors were closed and it was just them Jean relaxed and leaned against the furnished lift wall "Chloe's just a worry wart you know that as well as I, Mari". He chuckled "But ever since the two of you became so close she's been truly happy, she's started turning into her 'best self' ,if you would, you truly are amazing" he told her. The lift dinged as it brought them to the penthouse floor and Jean straightened himself again back to his professional demeanor. The door opened "Your floor, Madame".

"Merci" Marinette said stepping off the lift into the hall, when she opened the door to the penthouse suite something red caught flashed in her peripheral. It was just a passing glimpse but she was certain it was there and if she wasn't mistaken it was accented with white. She shook her head to before her mind started theorizing on what she saw ,assuming it was anything at all, whatever it was could wait. "Chloe', I'm back" she called closing the door behind her. 

Chloe's head poked from around the bedroom corner, gasping with joy and relief she rushed over to embrace Marinette. "I was about to go out with Jean to go looking for you, you left your phone here!" she exclaimed pulling back a little. 

Marinette chuckled and re-embraced Chloe' "I'm sorry, I ran into some trouble with my bag so had to fix it" she explained, "Now let's get to bed cause I'm tired". 

As they walked to the bedroom and changed into their Ladybug and Queen Bee themed pajamas. While changing Chloe' remembered something "Oh by the way Mari, your parent's called while you were out, said your room will be finally rebuilt and you can move back in tomorrow". Marinette thanked her for telling her about her parents calling then apologized for not taking her phone. The pair talked about how the rest of the class had been doing since graduating, everyone had gotten into careers that they enjoyed and or were passionate about. Some were out of the city but everyone stayed in touch as much as their lives allowed and even met up every so often.

Adrien had gone to get his bike and was working in the tavern with the Familia ,business as usual, with Belial getting all the attention he could ask for from the tipsy patrons. With his normal sleeping spot still under reconstruction Milo had been letting his nephew sleep in one of the rooms upstairs if there was room but he usually just went to sleep at his rooftop camp. Adrien hadn't talked to Marinette or Chloe' since he crashed through her wall as Chat Noir. "They were a little shaken up and confused but other than that those two acted more concerned for you" Nino explained, he was the acting informant for Adrien. There wasn't much news aside from the occasional construction updates. 

By the end of the night the tavern was empty and the overnight rooms were full ,it was somebody's birthday, so it looked like roof camping for Adrien, he didn't mind though. After changing back into his street clothes he donned his helmet and tucked Belial in his shirt before riding off. Fe' had also offered to let him stay at her place and considering that from what he's heard the reconstruction was practically finished now seemed like a good time to take her up on it. The ride didn't take long but he didn't want to wake Plagg ,who had fallen asleep on the ride, so he took the stairs to get to the front door. Adrien was only able to knock on the door once before if swung open and he was pulled inside and caught in an embrace.   

"Miss me, Sis?" he asked with a chuckle, she only tightened her wrap.

"Next time I'm dragging you here, I don't like you sleeping on the roofs so far away" Fe' told him before letting him go. 

Walking to the couch and laying down he removed his mask, "Belial and PLagg are asleep, I think I'll join them soon" he said. 

Fe' crossed her arms and shook her head but she was smiling "I mean it, I'll hog tie you and drag you behind your bike if I need to" she told him, he only smiled in reply and closed his eyes. Fe' stepped into the kitchen to prepare a platter of a few of Plaggs favorite non-stinky cheeses, she left it on the table for him in the morning. Adrien had forgotten to use an I.C but luckily it didn't seem to matter as the nightmares that plagued him had begun to fade. He wasn't going to stop though, they helped him relax and they were better for him than Ale and alcoholism was not something he was going to gamble with no matter how free he was.

Plagg woke to the smell of cheese earlier than normal in the morning the source of which was quickly and savagely devoured within minutes. Shortly after he heard dozens of police sirens go past the building. Curious and concerned that Hawkmoth might finally be active again after weeks of silence he floated over to Adrien's phone on the table and entered the password. Opening the news app Plagg's eyes widened to the point that if he was in a cartoon they'd have fallen out and rolled away. 

"BREAKING NEWS: Terrorists holding Chloe' Bourgeois and other guests of Le Grand Paris hostage, Demands: unknown, Affiliation: unknown, State of hostages: Unknown". 

In a flash Plagg flew to Adrien's face and burped, letting the noxious fumes of his cheese breath assault the nostrils of his friend and wielder. Coughing and sputtering Adrien sat up but before he could be annoyed and ask why Plagg had woken him so early the Kwami thrust the phone in his face. All he needed to read was "terrorists" and Adrien was up, out the door, and on his bike leaving Belial with his sister. Without thinking they left the phone on the floor with the news still open. The ruckus and relentlessly meowing got Fe' to stir from her sleep, walking out the bedroom she saw Belial at the door and the phone next to the couch. Grabbing the phone on her way to pick up her furry companion her eyes widening as she read the headline. 

At the Le Grand Paris Marinette, Chloe', the staff, and other guests were gathered in the corner of one of the hotel's dining areas with armed guards forming a wall around them. Their captors were still bringing in more unfortunate guests to add to the growing group with much of the staff had been quietly rounded up as they checked in. Luckily Jean had noticed something was wrong and hit the silent alarm before going deep enough into the building to be captured. Cops surrounded the building in minutes to prevent anyone else from showing up for work only to become hostages. Since then the group holding the building have been corralling anyone and everyone in the building.

Most of the guests had no time to react as they were either asleep or unaware of what was happening until it was too late. Several guests had attempted to resist or at least barricade themselves inside their rooms but they were met with overwhelming brutality and were injured but none had been killed. It was clear that whoever was responsible for pulling off a stunt like this they had planned well in advance and were far from unprepared. Marinette feared for the lives of everyone as there had yet to be any demands made, so far they were just gathering everyone together. It wasn't until a service phone rang and one of them ,presumably the leader, answered it.

"To who am I speaking?" he asked, his voice was gruff and clearly was not Eurasian descent. 

On the other end of the line was the Paris police chief, "This is the Chief of Police and for your sake you better not have-".

"Relax Chief, get me the Mayor so you can get back to croissants and eclairs, tell him the Self-protected-freedom (SPF) group sent you" the presumed leader hung up before the Chief could respond. He turned to one of the other men, "Gilson, is this everyone?" he asked pointing his firearm at the group causing many to flinch.

"Almost Breno, I believe the others are almost done checking the roof and top floor"

As the two of them finished their conversation a pair of men came in with a bloodied old man wearing a red button up with a white hibiscus print. "Found this geezer hiding in the dumbwaiter, put up more of a fight than you'd expect" one of the men said. Marinette immediately recognized Master Fu, he didn't look good and it was clear that the men who found him didn't take his retaliation kindly. If she could Marinette would have transformed and beaten a fear of Ladybugs into every armed goon in the building but as things stood all she could do was hope. 

The service phone rang again and Gilson answered it then ,after confirming who was on the line, handed it to Breno, "To who am I speaking?".

"You better not have hurt my daughter, Scoundrel" it was the Mayor of Paris, for once his tone sounded like he had grown a backbone. At the same time the rumble of a motorcycle engine caught the attention of both the police and a few of the men guarding various floors. Adrien raced through the winding streets and alleys at full throttle to reach the hotel before someone did something stupid. 

A few Cheshire officers bared their teeth and approached the new arrival they assumed to be Chat Noir to give him a status update. "Chat, we've got an unknown number of armed persons from 'Self-protected-freedom' holding everyone in the building hostage, the Mayor is on the horn with the leader right now". A radio that had been jacked into the hardline to patch the Mayor through to the group's leader could be heard nearby. 

"We already bloodied an old man and some other dumbasses who fought back but don't worry your daughter's pretty little head is safe, her friend too. But we won't hesitate to start taking lives so tell your cops to keep their distance and I better not see any heroes either. Do that then we'll start negotiations".

"Ok, ok just don't harm my little girl. Police Chief, tell your men to stay behind their cars". The order earned a disgusted and bewildered glare from both the Cheshire officers and Adrien. The Chief sighed and ordered every officer to move back and holster their weapons. There was a long silence on the radio as the mayor waited for further instructions but what the terrorists were waiting for was unclear. That was until only a few minutes later when the cameras started arriving en mass.  

As more and more news crews arrived to report on the situation the radio came to life as the leader began to deliver a speech. "My name is Breno and I am a member of the Self-protected-freedom group, we have been motoring this city for quite some time now. We have seen what the presence of this 'Chat Noir' and 'Ladybug' have done ,along with all their little friends. They have made you weak, complacent, they've lulled you into a false sense of security and made you think that you are protected. We have come to show you that they are not the idols you believe them to be, we have come to Par-"

Adrien had heard enough to grasp the situation,slamming his fist down on the radio he ripped the wires from their sockets on the back. Inside Breno looked at the phone while the dial tone hummed as if it had just insulted his mother, annoyed he slammed it in place to hang up. Not satisfied with simply slamming the machine he dumped a magazine of his automatic rifle into the phone leaving nothing but a mess of wires and drywall.   

Through clenched teeth Adrien told the two officers beside him "They're mine" before walking off. Circling the building he found a way into the building through an emergency exit that normally only opened from the inside. Pulling open his jacket and leaning in he whispered "You mind working you magic?" 

"Why don't you just transform?" Plagg asked floating through the door, unlocking and pushing it open with a muffled grunt.

Slipping inside Adrien quietly closed the door behind him, "Because I need your help, Chat Noir only gets one shot but so long as you've got cheese you don't have a limit" he explained. Trying to connect to the previous wielders proved pointless, there was no one, not even Nalma, "Uh-huh" he grunted. "Plagg, sweep through the building and let me know if you feel Tikki or anyone else. I'm going to check the foundations, these guys came prepared for heroes which means they probably have fail-safe". 

With a confirming nod Plagg phased through the floor above them to do a quick search of the building. "The Kid's smarter than he looks, I can feel the pull of the council trying to convene" the thought of his wielder preventing himself from becoming a tool brought a smile to his face. Sure enough Plagg felt Tikki's aura but there was another very close ,it was Wayzz, something was horribly wrong if both of them were involved in this. Following their auras led him to a bucket in some closet that they were hiding in. 

The two of them also felt his aura, "Plagg, what are doing here, why are you not with your wielder? Without Chat Noir the council can not convene" Wayzz whispered. 

"Adrien knows what happens if he transforms" Plagg replied plainly with a shrug.

Tikki leveled him with a look "Does he know about it?".

The shake of Plagg's head left the air in the bucket still, Wayzz broke the silence with a more urgent matter "We can deal with teaching Plagg's wielder-"

"Adrien"

Wayzz rolled his eyes "Teaching Adrien what the council did ,though perhaps it is best he doesn't serve it again so soon, right now Fu's life is in danger if we don't-". Three consecutive booms followed by a rumble interrupted the Kwami's conversation. Outside officers began ushering news crews and onlookers further away from the building. Inside the hostages whimpered and flinched as the building quaked around them. Breno and the others looked at each other with clear confusion on their faces.

One of them pulled out his radio "Flavio!" he barked "What was that, I thought you said you knew how to plant those things, weren't they a last resort?".

"I did, I-I-I don't know what happened I'm going to check it out now" a voice responded. 

A few minutes earlier beneath the building in the underbelly with the mechanisms that kept the hotel running and foundations that held it up Adrien had found exactly what he expected. It didn't take a stretch of the imagination to know that these terrorists brought explosives with them to destroy or level a building. These ones in particular were shaped blasting clay wads with old cell phones strapped to them which meant all it would take is a phone call to set them off. If Plagg were there Adrien would have had him use cataclysm and moved on but he wasn't and he didn't want to wait to see if the guys upstairs were feeling patient. 

Deciding to take matters into his own hands he tried to gather the charges and displace them to minimize damage if they were triggered. Carefully Adrien moved the first to a corner furthest from any load-bearing walls, the second he buried under sugar and flour bags to contain it. While gingerly scraping the third from the pillar his hand briefly touched an exposed piece of rebar that sparked with static electricity causing the charge to go off in his face. The three were likely linked to go off together as the one buried in sugar and flour detonated, instantly filling the air with particulate. The third followed suit and the finely ground sugar and flower filling the air ignited causing a dust-explosion engulfing the room in flame in the blink of an eye. 

Flavio found the door to the foundations open, "Something's wrong" he thought aloud. 

The other member of the group that had accompanied him was annoyed "Yeah no shit" he spat "Your charges went off by themselves and they didn't even bring the building down". 

Flavio turned "Hey! Even if my charges went off by themselves or weren't enough to bring down the building they would have done more than shake it. Plus I only packed a few pounds ,this is too much destruction for what I brought, someone messed with the charges". What sounded like coughing stopped the two of them dead, bringing their weapons up they cautiously shuffled toward the door. As they grew closer the smoke was so thick it was choking but they pressed on through the thickest part of the plume. 

"Mmmuuuhhg Plagg has some major explaining to do".

In the smoke Flavio could see the outline of a figure hunched slightly holding their head, the fact that who or whatever was down there just survived a blast like that made him scared. Shakily he raised his weapon taking aim and flicked the safety off. The click was enough to alert the thing in front him to their presence and before he could pull the trigger it moved and he lost track of it. Sudden commotion from his left made him pivot to face where his companion was just standing but all he saw was smoke, he was shaking now. Tapping on his shoulder triggered his instincts and he turned firing wildly behind him until his weapon clicked ,signalling he was out of ammo, he quickly reloaded. A short whistle ripped Flavio's attention to it but before he fired a flying rifle from the smoke knocking him out. 

"You really shouldn't fire so blindly" Adrien shook his head but immediately stopped as the movement made it throb in pain. Grabbing the unconscious bodies of the men he had subdued he used the plastic binding each of them had to hog tie them together. With part of his quarry secured Adrien looked himself over, his clothes were in tatters but physically he was perfectly fine save for the Immense pain that had begun to set in. Struggling to his feet he started to hobble up the steps when Plagg came flying at him through one of the stairwell walls, "You find Tikki?" he asked. 

Plagg looked amazed and horrified at the state of his friend but answered his question "Yeah ,Wayzz too, but are you sure you don't-". 

"Wayzz is here too" Adrien's expression though pained conveyed the fear he felt over the implications of Wayzz being present let alone him being away from Master Fu.

"The two of them are hiding and even if they're found they can handle themselves ,Adrien, you on the other hand need to rest" Plagg told him adding in a softer tone "-at least for a minute". Adrien managed a glare but Plagg was unmoved but after a moment of staring at each other caved and explained what was happening. He sighed heavily "Ok I'll give you the short version. Serving the council comes at a cost because of the power that is granted and that price is you must suffer through nine lives. You cannot kill yourself nor can you 'waste' these lives and no matter what you can't not feel pain though it can be dulled but if you just sit for a minute it will subside".

Taking a deep inhale Adrien started to lower himself to sit on the stairs bracing himself on the wall in an attempt to not fall. He focused on his breathing, steady, slow, deep, controlled like he was taught and just as Plagg said the pain subsided after only a few minutes. Standing he took a moment to steady himself and make sure he wouldn’t drop, once he was certain he was fine he looked to his floating companion. A wordless nod let him know he had permission to push on. 

"Wayzz seemed concerned about Fu, I don't know what happened exactly but I have a bad feeling that he needs help" Plagg explained. Him and Adrien went floor-by-floor disarming and subduing every member of the SPF in their way as they moved toward the main dining area. They were forced to use the stairs thanks to the elevators being disabled but using them would have been suicide even if they were in operation. While the pair was moving up through the floors tension was building in the dining area as over the radio Breno could hear his men being taken out one at a time. Outside officers were on edge as muzzle flashes could be seen in windows and occasional stray shots shattered windows causing glass to rain and panic to spike.

Eventually after an hour of gunfire,muffled shouting, and pregnant pauses both outside and over the hand radios carried by the SPF members there was a knock at the door. Breno's head snapped to the sound then to his men, he gestured for them to aim at the door then for one to open it. The one who was ordered to answer the knock gulped before pushing open the heavy wooden door, pointing his rifle through. Nothing was there, stepping into the hall using his foot to hold the door from closing behind him he looked left then right but still saw nothing. Then he made the mistake of relaxing just long enough for Adrien to rush out from an electrical room and tackle him. 

Breno and his remaining men opened up on the doorway unleashing a cacophony of gunfire until their weapons clicked. In the time it took them to run out of ammo Adrien calmly tied up the member he had just tackled and dragged away from the door. When the storm of lead stopped Adrien stepped into the doorway, Plagg floating over his shoulder. A quick whistle and Plagg flew into the room first to the guards then to Breno turning their weapons to rust or piles of melted goo. That was enough to pacify most causing them to put their hands up and surrender out of fear of what would happen if they didn't. 

Breno on the other hand only grew enraged, "I don't need a gun to make a statement!" he shouted throwing his half melted rifle to the floor with a splat. "You’re the Black Cat aren't you, the one everyone's scared of? Well I'm not, I've been beaten, tortured and far worse than anything you could ever do to me!". He ripped his shirt open to reveal a grenade and blasting clay taped to his chest, a crazed prideful smile plastered across his face. That crazed pride evaporated as Adrien calmly and confidently walked toward him, "Stay back or I'll pull the pins and you can say goodbye to this life" fear crept in his voice. Breno took a stumbling step back with his legs shaking and before he knew it the two of them were face to face. 

With an expressionless face and no warning Adrien pulled the pin then put his hands on Breno’s shoulders and swept the leg pinning him, "Au revoir mother fucker!" *BOOM*. The blast vaporized Breno, leaving nothing but a scorch mark on the floor in his place while the force had flung Adrien a few feet into the air. He landed flat on his back motionless with char covering his body but to everyone's surprise he was still in one piece. With ears ringing from shellshock Marinette and Chloe were the first to stumble over to their rescuer before dropping to their knees. They were hesitant to touch him, their hands were shaking, tears welled up in their eyes at the thought that they were powerless to do anything for him. After a minute or two with the ringing beginning to fade the girls realized they were crying.  

Plagg floated over with his arms crossed, casually he floated over his wielder's chest "Come on Kid, don't make this a habit".

"Which part? Making girls cry cause they think I'm dead or blowing up" Adrien managed to ask through hacking and sputtering. 

"Both"

Adrien somehow laughed "I make NO promises hehe-ow".

Marinette and Chloe' had a simultaneous reaction of "You stupid Cat" and pounding him on the chest at the revelation their savior wasn’t dead.

"OW! Hey, do you mind not hitting me right now I'm a bit tender in my...everywhere".

Previous Chapter(Part1)   Next Chapter (soon)   Chapter Guide

[inawickedlittletown]

Whatever It Takes (2/?)

Summary: It isn’t easy being Spider-Man, but having Tony Stark in his corner makes it that much easier. Or, Tony didn’t know he could be parental or care that much and Peter really needs a father figure.

Note: Meant to put this here yesterday and forgot even though I posted it on AO3. Oops. 

On AO3

Part One

Part Two

 “May knows.”

 They were the first words out of the kid a few hours after he’d basically left Tony hanging when Tony had offered him a spot as an Avenger. Tony thought that it had probably had something to do with the kid not feeling like he was ready to be an actual Avenger. The whole engagement thing with Pepper was going to have consequences, he knew, especially since he and Pepper weren’t back together and only just getting back to good terms after the break up. There just hadn’t been anything else to announce. So, Tony had been surprised when Peter showed up back at the compound hours later.

 “Okay,” Tony said, “so she knows.”

 Peter paced the floor. His hair was up in every direction. He looked agitated.

“She yelled at me,” he said, “like properly screaming and crying and then afterward she locked herself in her room and I just – I left. I did leave her a note, you know, just so she doesn’t worry and I know she cares but this isn’t something she can understand and I –”

 Tony stepped in his path and Peter almost ran into him. “First,” Tony said, “you’re starting to wear out my new floors and second she was going to find out eventually. I have met your aunt and she cares a whole lot about you, kid, and she isn’t going to hold this against you. She just needs some time to come to terms with it.”

 Peter’s shoulders dropped and he looked up at Tony. “This just isn’t something she needs to deal with right now. She worries enough as it is.”

 Tony shook his head a little. “She’s a parent,” he said, “and it won’t matter what you’re doing because she’ll be worried about you. Hey, I worry about you too.”

 “You do,” Peter said and his tone was one of disbelief.

 Tony nodded and before he could talk himself out of it, pulled Peter into a hug. He felt Peter relax into it and smiled. He didn’t know if the hug was more for him or for Peter but it didn’t really matter.

 When he pulled away, he turned and just steered Peter towards the kitchen. They were in the communal floor of the compound which Tony had separated as living space from the rest of the facilities except for the floor devoted to his workshop and the lab that really belonged more to Bruce for whenever he came home.

 He led Peter to the island and motioned for him to sit before walking over to the fridge.

 “I know from experience with enhanced individuals that you’re probably hungry,” Tony said, “but there’s really only water, a few soda cans, and some sort of soup looking thing so I think we should get pizza instead.”

 “Um…Mr. Stark, you don’t have to—”

 Tony leveled him with a look. “Unless you’re going home in the next few minutes, the least I can do is feed you. Friday, put in the usual order.”

 Peter nodded and wrung his hands. Tony could tell that he was still dwelling on his aunt finding out about Spider-Man so as he grabbed them both cans of Sprite, Tony motioned for him to follow him.

 “Movie night,” Tony said, “you need a bit of time to relax and I wasn’t really getting very far with my work downstairs.”

 Peter looked up in interest but Tony shook his head. “Another time, kid. You’re always welcome to join me down there, alright.”

 “Sure,” Peter said and Tony could tell that he was happy.

 Tony led him into the recreation room where Tony had set up an entertainment center.

 “Pick something out,” Tony told Peter, “Friday will find it and play it. Whatever you want. I’ll be right back.”

 He spared Peter one last look to take in his look of incredulity as Friday put the screen on and showed him a few options. He walked back to the kitchen and then out onto the balcony before he pulled out his phone and called May.

 It didn’t ring for long before she picked up.

 “I don’t know what to say to you,” May said. “I am – I am angry and upset and I can’t believe that you condone this behavior and invited him along to freaking Germany for something that there was no reason for him to be involved in. And that suit – I know you gave him that suit and that’s not okay, Stark, it’s not okay at all.”

 Tony let her rant. He had known it was what he would get for calling her and yet he’d done it anyway because May needed to blame someone and she needed to get her feelings out and Tony was at fault partly and not just that but he also cared too much about Peter to let him take the full brunt. He also needed May to know that at least for one night Peter was safe and not out on the streets fighting crime. Tony supposed that Pepper and Rhodey would find his actions responsible and adult for once and of course it was Peter that had brought this out in him.

 “I was glad for him when you came to see us even if it was weird and surprising but I was glad because it felt like something good for Peter but if I had known that this was what you meant by it, then I wouldn’t have invited you inside.”

 Tony cut in then. “He was doing it before I came in the picture.”

 He heard a rustling and then. “I know,” May said, “I know. So, you’re not all at fault except that all of you heroes out there make it seem possible to kids like him.”

 Tony leaned against the railing and looked out at the compound buildings where hundreds of people were working to sort out all kinds of things for The Avengers.

 “That doesn’t lie solely on my shoulders,” Tony said, “and for what it’s worth I am sorry about Germany but I wouldn’t have let him get hurt. What I asked of him was minimal. I needed him and I had known about him from the moment he started going out there. My AI searches for things like that. I felt he was capable and I did give him the suit but it’s for his own protection.”

 May scoffed. “Right with that thing with the ferry and in DC and this villain he faced. The Vulture, they’re calling him. Mr. Stark, Peter is the only family I have left. I don’t want to lose him.”

 The “too” was not added but Tony still heard it. How long had it been since her husband’s death? A little over a year, maybe.

 “The thing is,” May said, “I know this is Peter. He’s that kid that always worried about everyone else when things went wrong and that always tried his best to make things better and getting these abilities just gave him a chance to help even more and it’s not something he’s going to give up any time soon no matter how I feel about it.”

 “Which is why,” Tony said, “it’s better that we support him and that we’re here to make sure that he doesn’t take unnecessary risks or put himself in harm’s way. That’s what I’m here for and I am monitoring his every move in that suit.”

 “And you will train him,” May added, “you and The Avengers, you will train him so he���s not out there flailing around like a child off those webs.”

 Tony let out a small laugh. “Yes,” he said, “but he himself said he’s not ready to be a part of The Avengers.”

 “He’s not,” May said quickly.

 “No, he’s not,” Tony admitted, “but you’re right, and he should get some proper training.”

 “Good,” May said, “because if he’s going to do this then he has to be the best at it, it’s the only way that I can even – that can make it bearable to know he’s Spider-Man.”

 The conversation had gone better than Tony had expected but then he’d known from the moment he met her that May Parker was not conventional.

 “He’ll need to know you support him even if you don’t like it,” Tony said, “he’s worried about that.”

 “I hope to talk to him when he comes home. I suppose he’s out there patrolling or whatever it is he calls it.”

 “Oh, no,” Tony said, “I didn’t say. He’s here. He was – I think a bit concerned with you find out and he came here. So, at least you won’t have to worry about him tonight.”

May let out a sigh. “I always worry.”

 “Yeah,” Tony said, “I think he sort of has that effect.”

 Peter stayed the night at the compound partially because it got too late after a couple of movies for Tony to let Peter go home but mostly because Peter didn’t really have the energy to deal with his aunt yet. So, Tony had showed him to the room that he had already set aside for Peter – so at least that part of the offer hadn’t been a test if it had been a test at all – and Peter spent about an hour browsing the internet on his phone because he couldn’t fall asleep at once. That was how Peter found the headline.

 Tony Stark Is Tying The Knot

 He clicked on it immediately and waited anxiously for it to load. Mr. Stark had said nothing about an engagement, not that Peter necessarily expected his mentor to share things like that with him. When the page loaded his eyes took in every line.

 Earlier today a surprise press conference was called by Mr. Stark. What everyone assumed to be Avengers related news perhaps involving The Accords or New York City’s newest hero, Spider-Man, turned into a more personal announcement when Mr. Stark instead announced that he and long time girlfriend Pepper Potts are engaged.

 Ms. Potts is of course the Stark Industries CEO and Mr. Stark’s former personal assistant. The couple has been together for years and while there were rumors that they had broken up a few months ago, it seems that those have been put to rest.

 No wedding date has been announced but if we know Tony Stark, then we know it will be lavish and grandiose.

 The Article was dated from earlier that day and Peter couldn’t help but wonder why he had spent the night with Mr. Stark, if he and his girlfriend had just gotten engaged. He hoped that Mr. Stark hadn’t cancelled plans with his fiancé for him.

 After the article, Peter found himself yawning so he put the phone down on the bedside table and climbed into the comfortable queen sized bed. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep.

 The next morning, Peter woke up disoriented and it wasn’t until Friday greeted him that he remembered where he was and more importantly that it was a school day. Once that realization hit, Peter got dressed in his clothes from the day before and ran out of the room only to run straight into Mr. Stark.

 “What’s the rush, kid?”

 “I have school today. I didn’t even realize and I’m going to be late and—”

 “And, I’ve spoken to your aunt who called them and told them you wouldn’t be in today,” Mr. Stark said. He looked down at Peter with clear amusement and then motioned for him to follow him.

 They went to the kitchen where breakfast awaited them in the form of pancakes and Peter realized that he was actually quite hungry.

 Mr. Stark poured himself coffee and busied himself with his phone while Peter ate. Peter tried hard not to keep watching him, but it was hard. Tony Stark just drew all eyes towards him.

 “Your aunt does want you to come home at some point today,” Mr. Stark said, looking up again.

Peter felt a bout of nervousness come over him. He didn’t know if he’d ever be ready to face May. He knew that he would have to at some point, but it was hard to want to deal with it. Mr. Stark must have noticed because he sighed.

 “Peter, I can assure you that she is taking this far better than you think,” he said, “but if you want to come down to tinker with me for a bit that’s fine too.”

 He nodded quickly. It would give him some more time to prepare. It was all that Peter really needed.

 The workshop at the compound was not that much different than the one that he’d seen at Avengers tower. The bots were even there but in some sort of sleep mode because none of them greeted them. In one corner of the room Peter saw a bunch of things that he remembered seeing on the plane.

 “I’m still making sure none of it was damaged,” Mr. Stark said.

 “Oh,” Peter said.

 “Precaution mostly,” Mr. Stark said, “but some of that stuff can get dangerous. I’m glad you managed to stop it getting stolen.”

 Peter kept looking around and to his surprise he found Captain America’s shield on one of the tables. There were scratches on the front of it still and Peter just knew that they had happened during the fight over The Sokovia Accords. It was strange to think about one of his heroes being out there somewhere as a fugitive.

 “At school we learned about the accords,” Peter found himself saying.

 “When I was in school we never really got very close to present day history,” Mr. Stark said with a thoughtful look on his face.

 “So I know that it was a complicated issue and that you didn’t explain everything to me,” Peter said, “but either way I think you were right. We have to be accountable, you know, when things go wrong.”

 Mr. Stark was staring at him still and after a moment he nodded. “The more I think about it,” he said, “the more I see all the mistakes we all made. Me included. I kept too much close to the chest and it backfired because they didn’t trust me to know what was best, not the way they trusted him.”

 Peter couldn’t understand it. He knew that people tended to blame Iron Man for what happened with Ultron and Sokovia, but disasters happened all the time and people didn’t always make the right choices, but didn’t intention count for anything? Why would his friends and teammates not see that instead of placing blame?

 “Do you think,” Peter said and bit his lip, “do you think they’ll ever come back?”

 “When the world needs them, and it will, they’ll be back no matter what the consequences are. At least we can trust that.”

 Mr. Stark picked up the shield and Peter could swear that his hands shook as he propped it up against a wall, out of sight. Peter knew somehow that there was something he didn’t know or couldn’t understand about the way that Mr. Stark tried to not glance at that corner as he pulled up the plans for another Iron Man suit and actually started to show Peter just how the suit worked exactly.

 They were down there for a couple of hours when Peter heard footsteps and then Pepper Potts appeared.

 Peter’s first impression was that she was absolutely beautiful. He’d seen pictures of her in the past, but it was different to see her up close. She was tall – taller than Mr. Stark – and elegant. Peter could definitely understand how a woman like her might belong at Mr. Stark’s side.  

 “Tony, did we or did we not discuss that you needed to attend today’s meeting,” she said instead of a greeting.

 “And, then I had Friday text you that I couldn’t make it,” Mr. Stark said, “I had more important things going on.”

 They didn’t act like two people that were going to be married, Peter thought, as he watched them. Ms. Potts presented a folder to Mr. Stark and he signed a few papers.

 “I’ve told you before that you can just forge my signature. You were doing just that when—”

 “I was not proud of that,” Ms. Potts said, cutting him off and finally seeing Peter. “Oh,” she said.

 “Hi,” Peter said.

 “Pepper, meet Peter. Peter this is Pepper Potts.”

 Ms. Potts looked a bit thrown off, but she recovered quickly. “I’ve heard a lot about you,” she said, “you’ve made an impression on Tony which isn’t exactly easy. Just don’t let him talk you into crazy things like leaving the country for stupid childish fights, alright.”

 It was clearly a sore spot and the way she glared at Mr. Stark spoke volumes.

 “I’ll try not to,” Peter said.

 Tony coughed. “I’ll have you know that he’s very capable.”

 “I didn’t say he wasn’t,” Ms. Potts said and then looked at her phone. “Remember you have to be in D.C. tomorrow. I’ve sent Vision a reminder too so neither of you slack on that. We need everything to go as planned.”

 Peter looked down at the schematics that Mr. Stark had pulled up of previous iterations of the Iron Man suit.

 “I won’t forget,” Mr. Stark said, “I’ll take a quinjet tonight.”

 She nodded.

 “Is that all, Ms. Potts?”

 Ms. Potts’ lips quirked up. “That will be all, Mr. Stark,” she said and then turned to Peter once more. “It was finally nice to meet you, Peter.”

 “You too, Ms. Potts,” Peter said.

 “Call me Pepper,” she said.

 Peter nodded. “Okay.”

 She left as quick as she’d come, her heels clicking on the floor and leaving silence in her wake. Peter knew then that he had to ask.

 “Hey, Mr. Stark, is it true you’re engaged to Pepper?”

 Mr. Stark actually laughed and then he shook his head. “No, we’re not engaged. It’s probably for the best that we aren’t, actually.”

 “Oh,” Peter said.

 Mr. Stark rubbed his hands together and then sighed. “I’m not the best at the whole relationship thing, kid, never have been. This life I lead where I’m Iron Man and I’m also Tony Stark, it doesn’t really give me the option of wanting that because it means dragging that person into this and that just isn’t fair when they’re not choosing this life. I’m not – I’m not saying this because I’m telling you that you can’t have love or relationships but that for me they haven’t worked out and it’s a hard balance to hit. I guess you just have to have the right person.”

 Peter thought about Liz and how he’d abandoned her at homecoming. He hadn’t even bothered to send her any kind of text afterwards as an apology and then the last time he saw her she was being pulled from the school and moving away. He still felt a little bad about being the reason that her dad was in jail. Then again, logically he knew that it was Mr. Toomes’ fault and not Peter for putting the bad guy away.

 “Anyway,” Mr. Stark said, “here’s what you need to know about the thrusters.”

  Spider-Kid: You told me to keep you updated. So, today I helped this guy find his lost dog. Turns out the dog was just visiting his neighbor to take naps at her house.

 Spider-Kid: Aunt May says that you have to come over or dinner when you’re back in New York.

 Spider-Kid: I thought I saw Black Widow today but maybe I’m just seeing things. Anyway, I webbed up a guy that was trying to steal at a bodega.  

 Spider-Kid: There was a small fire. Karen really came in handy for finding people trapped inside. No casualties.

 Spider-Kid: I definitely saw Black Widow today. I think she changed her hair color. Do you know if she has a sister?

 Spider-Kid: Are the meetings or whatever really this long? I thought you were supposed to back yesterday.

 The meetings in D.C. kept Tony too busy to be able to really respond to Peter, but he made sure to read every one of his messages and since there was nothing absolutely worrying in them aside from the fact that Natasha was probably in New York and watching Peter, he kept up the silence even though he found that after three days without seeing Peter that he actually missed him.

 The first two days were actually an important part of The Accord negotiations with the UN. Tony didn’t necessarily trust the UN or the appointed council that was overseeing The Accords, but he still felt it was for the best. Things had cooled down considerably since Cap had broken out Sam, Wanda, Clint, and Scott. They were on the run, sure, but their lack of appearance anywhere meant that they were smart enough to keep out of the media’s radar.

 Most people didn’t dislike The Avengers or consider Cap a bad guy which helped, but he was still a fugitive as were the others until they could come to an agreement over The Accords or something majorly catastrophic happened that needed them.

 Without Ross pushing for his own agenda and ideals, Tony found that the conversations went a bit smoother. They were finally hashing out what was working and what just wouldn’t. This had been the point all along, but Cap and the others hadn’t seen that. They hadn’t seen that Tony always wanted to change aspects of The Accords. They hadn’t seen that there were places where they could push and things that they could fight for.

 Then again, in the end it hadn’t even been about The Accords. It had been about Bucky and Tony couldn’t deny that he was absolutely still hurting because of it.

 After the negotiations, Tony had other things to deal with. The first was a meeting with Fury and Hill.

 His phone was actually confiscated for the meeting for safety reasons and they met in some sort of bunker.

 “Whoever you got to do your interior decorating, I’d ask for my money back,” Tony said when he stepped inside.

 Hill rolled her eyes but smiled warmly. Tony had always liked her, especially in the time when she’d been working directly for him and The Avengers. She hadn’t gone back to Shield yet now that it was reinstated but Tony thought it was due to her loyalty to Fury and since everyone still thought that he was dead. It probably also had to do with how different Shield was being run now. At least they were shouldering the Inhuman problem without disturbing Tony and his own problems.

 “So why did I get secret coded messages to meet you guys here, anyway?” Tony asked when Fury stepped out of the shadows.

 “There’s something coming,” Fury said, “something big. Something alien.”

 Tony’s heart skipped a beat. “Alien,” he said.

 Fury led him further into their bunker. It actually was well set up with numerous computers and screens that Tony noted to all be SI made. At least they were smart enough to use the best.

 “We have some communication with someone in space,” Fury admitted, “and she says that something has been happening. Something that all the galaxies are becoming aware of. Someone – some entity is searching for artifacts of some kind. Alien tech.”

 “Like the tesseract,” Tony muttered, “and the mind stone in Vision.”

 Hill who had moved closer nodded. “Yes,” she said, “we think Earth has been in contact with enough of these to give whoever this is some interest. We’ve been trying to contact Thor but—”

 But no one had seen him since he’d gone back home to investigate this exact problem. Tony remembered how concerned Thor had been as he got ready to leave. Tony remembered how he’d hoped that it wouldn’t come to another huge fight. He had been trying to stop being Iron Man. He had planned to settle down with Pepper and leave it off to Steve and Nat and the newbies. That hadn’t exactly gone to plan, not when Tony still couldn’t stop himself from making more suits and definitely not when every other week he was showing up at the compound to hang out with The Avengers and offer them his help.

 “So what’s the big plan, then?” Tony asked.

 “We need the team back, Stark,” Fury said, “this is something that will require all hands on deck.”

 Tony should have expected it.

 “Legally speaking there would be hurdles,” Tony said, “and some of them will require that our dear Captain bend a little and compromise. There’s also contacting them. They are on the run after all.”

 Tony settled back into the chair and watched them. Fury never gave anything away, but Tony knew him and he could just tell.

 “Oh,” he said, “you’ve already been in contact with them.”

 “I have it from a good source that you have a way too,” Fury said.

 Tony shrugged his shoulders.

 That was when Steve stepped out of the shadows. He was gruff looking. His hair had gotten longer, but it was the beard that caught Tony’s attention because it changed Steve’s entire face. Tony couldn’t help but think that he looked good despite his unkemptness. Still, Tony couldn’t help but feel a pang of hurt when he saw him. He could still remember being on that cold ground in Siberia with the shield raised over him.

 “Tony,” Steve said.

 Tony for once didn’t have words.

 “I – I’m sorry for how things ended,” Steve said, “but I’ve been – we’ve been paying attention so congratulations are in order.”

 Tony was confused for a moment until he saw Hill out of the corner of his eye and she held up her hand and pointed at her ring finger. The engagement. Of course. Tony for the first time felt like he couldn’t deny it. He couldn’t admit that it had been the best excuse they could come up with.

 “Thanks,” he muttered.

 Fury seemed to sense the tension because he stood from his seat. “We thought that the first thing to do is get a pardon,” he said, “I’ve already set some wheels in motion. We need our team back, Stark.”

 “I guess we do,” Tony said.

 “That includes Spider-Man,” Fury added. “He would be an asset.”

 Tony shook his head at once. “No. Absolutely not.”

 They all stared at him in surprise. Steve more confused than anything. None of them knew Peter, they didn’t know what he could and couldn’t do and they certainly didn’t know what he could handle and Tony wasn’t going to put that kid in any more danger.

 “You were the one to bring him to Germany,” Steve pointed out.

 “That was a controlled move,” Tony said as he stood up, “not some cosmic alien threat. And if that’s what we’re on the brink of facing then we’ll find a way to get the band back together. One reunion tour coming right up and let’s just hope Bruce hears about this and comes back. We’re going to need the green guy.”

  Iron Man: I’ll be back tonight. Dinner sounds good, tell your hot aunt I’ll be there at 6. We have a lot to discuss like how reckless you were with that fire. The suit isn’t completely fire retardant.

 Peter got the message as he was walking towards his locker with Ned. After almost a whole week without contact from Mr. Stark, he was a bit surprised to finally get a text back and he couldn’t help but smile. Ned nudged him.

 “Who’s texting you? Is it Liz? Are the two of you keeping in touch?”

 Peter shook his head. “It’s Mr. Stark, actually,” Peter said, “he’s back from a business trip tonight and coming over for dinner.”

 Ned’s eyes widened. “No way,” he whispered.

 They arrived at Peter’s locker and Peter quickly got it open. “Yeah, it was May’s idea. I think she’s trying to really come to terms with you know—” he motioned at himself.

 “Sure,” Ned said, “is she really taking it hard?”

 “No. I don’t know. I guess she’s reacting like anyone should.” Peter closed his locker and shrugged his shoulders.

 They had to go separate ways for first period, so Ned only pat Peter on the shoulder. “I’m sure it’s going to go alight,” he said before walking away.

 Peter didn’t think it wouldn’t go fine. During the couple of times that May had met Mr. Stark she had been nice and friendly with him and Mr. Stark was just always charming with anyone that he cared to impress. Peter was mostly worried about what Mr. Stark would have to say about the fire.

 It’s not like Peter hadn’t been careful. It was just that after saving five people out of the burning building, he had inhaled a lot of smoke and at one point a beam had actually fallen on his leg and done some damage. Everything had just been an overwhelming mess because it reminded Peter of the building that had fallen on him and Coney Island and the fire caused by the explosion. It wasn’t a great combination by any means but Peter hadn’t been majorly hurt. He just knew that Happy and Pepper had told him all about it.

 After the fire, when Peter had landed on a random roof to rest up, it was Pepper Potts that had called him and demanded that he get down from the roof so Happy could drive him to get medical attention. Peter still didn’t know how Pepper had gotten her number into his phone, but she had and Peter had known better than to not do what she asked.

 At the compound, they had fixed up a gash on his leg and had him breathe in some oxygen despite how he reminded the doctors there that he had a healing factor. Peter hadn’t been necessarily happy about letting the doctors know his identity, but Pepper had assured him that they wouldn’t be telling anyone about it. So of course all of that had probably been immediately related to Mr. Stark.

 “Hey, Parker,” MJ said when he sat down.

 “Yeah?”

 She shoved a drawing onto his desk. It was him and Ned at his locker and Ned had been given the features of a dog. He on the other hand had what appeared to be bunny ears.

 “Um,” Peter said, “thanks.”

 She nodded. “Yeah, the two of you are pathetic.”

 Peter really didn’t understand MJ. She was always hanging around and Peter had really started to notice when Ned found out he was Spider-Man because he tried not to talk to him about it when people were around and it was becoming increasingly obvious that MJ was just always around. When he brought it up to Ned, Ned had just laughed.

 “She’s always around,” he said, “I thought you knew. I mean, we’re kind of her friends.”

 The rest of the period went without any disturbances until MJ dropped another sheet of paper on his desk about five minutes before class was over. This time it was their teacher except that MJ had given him feathers and a beak. He couldn’t help the snort of laughter that came out. A few of the other students close by turned to look at him and Peter tried to press his lips together. He glanced at MJ who was just smirking at him.

 “Thanks for that,” he muttered to her as they left the classroom.

 The rest of the day went without a hitch and Peter left school right on time. He walked home with Ned instead of changing into his suit and going out on a patrol mostly because when he’d texted May that Mr. Stark was coming for dinner she’d asked him to come straight home.

 “Are we going to hang out this weekend?” Ned asked when they were nearing the street where they’d need to part ways.

 “Yes,” Peter said, “assuming that nothing crazy goes down yes.”

 After they did part ways, Peter tried to think about everything he needed to get done that weekend. A lot of his homework had been piling up. It wasn’t exactly hard, but it did require that he give it some of his time and Peter didn’t have much of that these days.

 He was distracted by coming up with some sort of schedule when he heard a scream and immediately Peter ran towards it. It came from an alley where he spotted two figures closing in on a young woman, Peter had to change into his suit behind a dumpster but he did it quickly and tucked his things in there too and then he ran into the alley.

 The two men weren’t tough to web up and Peter did it in minutes before turning to the woman and he was almost shocked when it was MJ. Peter had never seen her look scared before and he thought that she might actually cry. She was clutching her bag to her chest and her hair was wild around her face.

 “Are you okay?” Peter asked and tried to make his voice sound different.

 “I—I guess,” she said shakily.

 Peter offered her his hand and she took it and stood and began to dust herself off. She glanced over to the guys that had come after her and the fear fell away even if she still looked shaken up.

 “I was just walking past and they came at me,” she said and pulled out her phone and Peter watched in amazement as she dialed 911.

 Peter suddenly didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to leave mostly because he personally knew MJ and he suddenly felt like he needed to make sure she made it home.

 “Anyway,” MJ said, “police is on the way and I’m not sticking around and I don’t suppose you should either.”

 That said she started to walk away and Peter was left dumbfounded once more because MJ was just something else. He followed after her and she glanced back a few times until they reached the end of the street.

 “You don’t have to follow me home. I don’t really like spiders much and I rather not bring one home with me.”

 Peter didn’t respond and MJ didn’t say anything else as he continued to escort her home. When they had reached her house she turned back to look at him once more.

 “Thank you,” she said, “but I do think there are probably other crimes happening for you to take care of.”

 Peter stayed long enough to see her go inside her apartment building and then he swung up and used his web to head home and got inside through his bedroom window which was always left open a crack for this very reason. May let out a small scream when he made it inside.

 “Peter Parker we have a door for a reason,” she said and let out a breath, “now get out of that getup and clean this room.”

 It was only then that Peter remembered that he’d left his stuff behind that dumpster.

 “Um, I promise I’ll get on that, but first I should probably go get my backpack.”

 May shook her head, this time a tad amused. “When Tony Stark gets here you can ask him for some tips on not losing all your things every time you decide to swing your way home.”

 Peter rolled his eyes but ran over to give her a quick hug before he left out the window again.

Part Three

[cecilspeaks]

Episode 103 - Ash Beach

We make money the old-fashioned way. We chemically convert lead into gold.

Welcome to Night Vale.

The Night Vale Tourism Board announced that after 12 years of super-fond site cleanup, Ash Beach reopened today to the public. The Tourism Board’s new brochure shows a young happy family having a picnic lunch and wearing respirator masks, building ash castles and flying kites against the blackened sky. We’re landlocked here in the desert with no body of water in sight, so back in the 1950’s, the city decided to create a public beach made entirely out of municipally burned books that were deemed too dangerous or too boring to reach.

Carlos and I are so excited about the reopening of the beach. We are already planning a trip in the next few weeks with the family. According to the Tourism Board, there will be a refurbished boardwalk there with food trucks and carnival games. Beachgoers can stroll down the pier and watch the surfers lie on their boards, as we all wait for the oceans to rise dramatically enough that Night Vale finally has a waterfront.

This Friday Night, Dark Owl Records will be hosting an album release party for Stevie Ray Vaughan’s new album called “Beyoncé”. Which is a collection of instrumental covers of Leonard Cohen’s greatest hits. Vaughan’s unique approach to music has always been to askew instruments altogether and simply read the name of each chord aloud. Vaughan will be at the store taking selfies with fans and asking everyone how he got here, and why he cannot hold tangible objects.

Sunday at the Rec Center is the annual gun show sponsored by the Night Vale chapter of the NRA. All patrons receive a free trucker hat that reads “Guns don’t kill people, unless you shoot those people with said gun and then they die. But other than that one specific situation, we’ve never known a gun to kill anybody.” Gun dealers from all over the United States will be at the show, selling handguns and hunting rifles and telling fantastical stories about a mythical government that would try, even in the slightest, to regulate gun ownership. The first 500 ticket buyers will have their government-implanted tracking chips surgically removed for free.

We’re getting reports that the grand re-opening of Ash Beach is going.. well, oh, not well as in good I mean well as in.. I’m not sure what to say next. So the beach, which is completely black and not at all connected to any body of water, is apparently really hot. And beachgoers are having a difficult time getting the dark ash stains off their burning skin. Also, there are reports of hazy humanoid figures emerging from the ash. They have long thin arms, gaping mouths with hundreds of tiny square teeth, round glowing eyes, and they shimmer in and out of visibility. Some witnesses reported hearing faint clicks and crunches, like someone rapidly chewing egg shells.

Amber Akinyi and Wilson Levy are celebrating their first wedding anniversary at Ash Beach today. They clam to have seen these ephemeral beings and moments later, experienced a flood of memories that never happened to them. Wilson remembered his wedding six years ago to his high school girlfriend Tanya. The memory was so clear, Tanya in her strapless white gown with ivory piping.. Ew. His best man Aiden accidentally dropping the ring and comically chasing it as it rolled into the third row. The string trio playing Pachelbel’s “Hey Ya” as ushers escorted guests into seats and pushed the safety bars down firmly over their shoulders. But Wilson claimed he never knew anyone named Tanya and was never married to anyone before Amber. Telling this story, he had tears in his eyes. The fond memory of the wedding he never had still fresh in his mind.

Amber remembered a vacation resort a few miles from Mount Kilimanjaro. She was only eight years old, she was standing outside the resort near her mother’s Toyota pickup truck. Her mother was speaking in Luau to an elderly couple. The couple said they wanted to ride to a camp checkpoint at the base of the mountain. Her mother offered them a ride as she was going to the same place. Amber, her mother, and the couple shared the cramped bench seat, as they rode toward the cloud-shrouded peak. The couple smelled like coffee and brand new sleeping bags. They offered Amber some kashata and told her about different types of birds.

Amber said that she had never been to Tanzania and that her mother passed away when Amber was only three. Nor does Amber believe in mountains, nor does she know what kashata is, and she doesn’t know a single word of Luau, so the memory could not be real. But she could understand the Luau in her memory, and could taste the soft coconut crunch of the kashata.

Wilson brushed Amber’s cheek and she kissed his wrist. They both cried quietly as they laid out some small shovels and buckets, rubbed UV protective lotion on their arms, unfolded beach chairs and elected a large umbrella.

More on this story as it develops.

Good news, listeners. Five-headed dragon Hadassah McDaniels and her legion of dragon lawyers, from whatever dragon world they’re from, have stopped crushing local businesses. And eating pets. And setting fire to public parks. The bad news is that we’re not certain what the dragons are doing right now. No one has seen them in over a week. It’s like when you see a spider and then you turn your head, and when you look back, that spider is gone. And that is the true definition of horror, because you don’t know where that spider is, and you miss it so much. It was a really cute spider!

The dragons were last seen visiting the Terrible Court of the Distant Prince. It was difficult to say for certain that it was the Distant Prince, because those who saw this visitation said it happened quite a long way away. Witnesses reported that they definitely saw the dragons talking with what looked like a young man wearing a crown, his form blurred as though moving quickly, even though he was standing still. But he was partially hidden by harbingers, as well as court shriekers and mangled servants. The witnesses did not mention seeing any hollow-eyed weepers, so it may not have been the Distant Prince at all. Maybe a Distant Viscount. At best, a Distant Earl. A Distant Countess, even?

Listeners. Old Woman Josie’s daughter Alondra wanted me to thank everyone for all of the good wishes and gifts to her and her dying mother. She asked that people please stop sending flowers though. She has nowhere to put them. And plus, flowers are sort of gross. “You realize that flowers are just water and manure and seeds and dirt,” Alondra Ortiz said. “They look and smell nice but just remember what the smell is made of. Gross! Stop it,” she said. Then she added, “I mean if you already sent flowers, they’re beautiful, thank you.” And then she rolled her eyes.

Carlos and I visited Josie last Saturday. We brought her and Alondra a framed photo of Josie breaking ground at the New Old Night Vale Opera House. For a picture that’s only a couple years old, Josie looks so young. It’s her smile, I think. Her smile never aged. In the photo, she’s wearing a hardhat, orange construction vest, tanned jodhpurs, and five-toed running shoes. She’s holding a shovel filled with dirt in front of a sign that says “Opera House: coming soon!” She was so proud of Night Vale that day. I showed the picture to Josie who was lying in her bed, eyes open. She didn’t respond. I wish I had visited sooner, but I was glad to have seen her again before she leaves us. Carlos patted her hand and I kissed her forehead. I said, “Josie, Carlos and I love you. As does Alondra. As do all of the angels.” And at this point, I heard the citywide “angels acknowledged” sirens go off, but I didn’t care. There were angels all over her house! There have been for years, and I’m sort of tired of pretending they’re not there. “The angels love you and will take care of you, Josie,” I said loudly over the sound of the blaring sirens, and I think I saw that young smile gently touch the corners of her dry pursed mouth.

In lieu of flowers, might I recommend donations to the Opera House in Josie’s name? Or any place that supports the arts. Nothing would make her happier.

We’re getting more updates from Ash Beach. Everyone at the beach today is covered in dark ashes, their skin burning, the sun muted by a cloud of char. They have all seen the waggling, hazy figures that fade in and out of sight. The figures open their long mouths and point their spindly arms at people, and those people in turn experience vibrant memories that never happened. Frances Donaldson, manager of the Antiques Mall, said she remembered winning a silver medal for figure skating in the Olympic games, but she’s never even seen ice in real life. Green Market Co-opt Board president, Tristan Cortez, said when the figures on the beach pointed at him, he remembered being lost in the wilderness with a Golden Retriever friend of his. They were soon joined by a Himalayan cat. They were all homeward bound, sharing an incredible journey together. But that never happened! Tristan said it was actually a Bullterrier and a Siamese cat, and that this new memory is false. 

John Peters, you know, the farmer, said he had a striking memory of his brother, Jim. The memory was from only two days ago. Jim was cleaning out the tractor shed with John. John said it was unusually warm for late winter and they were both getting tired. It was almost noon, and John wanted to break for lunch but Jim said, “Hey Johnnie, look at what I found!” John said Jim held up an old football. “It’s from when we was kids, Johnnie!” Jim said of a memory instigated by a physical object inside John’s memory from today of something that didn’t happen earlier this week. John and Jim went out into their untilled fields of imaginary corn and tossed the ball around for nearly an hour. John said he wished this memory was real. His brother’s been off serving in the blood space war for nearly 40 years now. “He probably ain’t even arrived at whatever planet he’s supposed to fight yet. What with the, destructive limitations on matter as it approaches the speed of light,” John said, sadly reminiscing about his long-lost sibling. “I bet they gotta be in a kinda frozen space sleep or something like in that documentary, ‘Aliens’,” he added.

Listeners, if you’re at Ash Beach, try not to look at the thin beings coming up from the ashes. Hide from their pointing hands, and above all, do not trust the memories they fill your mind with. They are untrue, they are fever dreams. They. Are. Lies.

Wait, in fact I’m just now getting word from witnesses that large waves are crashing down on Ash Beach. There’s no indication where the water is coming from as Night Vale, again, is in a desert. Some beachgoers began tearing hoods off cars and using them as surf boards. Someone has spelled out “HELP LOST” in seaweed, but the crashing waves washed it all away. Many people are being dragged out into a nonexistent sea by a dangerous undertow. Where is this water coming from? Until we know for certain, stay away from ash beach.

More soon, but now the weather.

[“Faded” by P.O.S. feat Lady Midnight, doomtree.net/pos]

The tide has ebbed, the beach is clear. The ashes are gone, washed out to.. well. Oh, not well as in I don’t know what to say in next, I meant well as in an old well, that appeared in the same spot it had stood two summers ago, draining the water into it in a direct reversal of a well’s usual role and then vanishing again, as old well’s often do.

Well. Ash Beach is neither ash nor beach anymore. Simply a great expanse of sand and less and dry. Those who saw the shimmering apparitions said the memories they were given are as real as ever. They were not merely daydreams, nor vivid hallucinations, they are actual events that never happened.

Simone Rigideau, the transient who lives in the Earth Sciences Building of the Night Vale Community College and who recently began teaching courses there, much to the chagrin of the college administration, said she was at Ash Beach today and she saw the figures. She saw their pointing, wriggling translucent appendages, she saw their numerous flat teeth in their long gray mouths, she saw their bulbous white eyes, she heard the sound of crunching like chewing egg shells, and she had a memory. She remembered the college campus. She remembered it was 1983. She remembered students with boomboxes, Trans-Am muscle cars. She remembered the news anchors that day, Tim and Trin, with their feathered-hair double-Windsor neckties, shoulder pads, and deep maroon nail polish. She remembered the news of missiles already launched, apologies for a miscommunication, a mistake in a training drill. Apologies not accepted. Missiles launched to retaliate. She remembered the news anchors Tim and Trin trying not to cry, trying to report the news. She remembered students and faculty gathered around the television, trying not to cry, trying to receive the news. She remembered… the world ending. Not with a bang, not with a whimper, but with silence. The absence of thought and feeling. Everyone went missing all at once together – time, body, memory… gone.

 Simone then said she remembered something else, from the new memory she received today. A woman with a deer mask had appeared on the television screen, her face flickering through the loud static and obscuring the faces of Tim and Trin. She spoke in a language unknown to Simone but… she recognized the name of the woman. Huntokar. 

[cheerfully] “Oh, I know Huntokar,” I said. “She did this, Cecil,” Simone said. “Huntokar is super weird,” I said, “makes sense that she would be behind this whole ‘Ash Beach’ thing.” “I’m not talking about the beach,” Simone said. “Then what are you talking about?” I said. “She is the destroyer!” Simone said, shaking her head. Simone said she remembered the world ending, it was so clear, so vivid. But it did not end. She touched my arm and said that we are here. How are we here? I told Simone, “You always say the world ended in 1983, I don’t see how this is so special for you.” She said, “I knew it ended. I just couldn’t remember it ending. Now I do. The world ended, Cecil, I saw it on the news!” “Oh then it must be true,” I said. “Are you being sarcastic?” she asked. “Why would I do that?” I replied. “I still can’t tell if you are or not,” she said, eyeing me suspiciously. I don’t understand what she was getting at.

Whatever our truth, Night Vale, you can feel your body. Hear my voice. See the sunlight through dissipating ash clouds. I do not know if we are real. But we are alive. We are tangible, feeling, and whole.

Stay tuned next for the sound of something trying to dig its way out of your chest.

Good night, Night Vale, good night.

Today’s proverb: if you’re not wearing a denim vest, then this conversation is over.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

"I'm real proud of you, You know. We didn't know who they were but we could have been real hurt," little Tiny Queen Girl just almost 4 years old, hands on hips just telling me how it was. How she felt.

My Little co-member in our Army of Two.

Lord Blesses us with the moat precious for such a short amount of time.

This idiot shot her and when he realized he had shot a small child and she was in the hospital on life support, he went and kidnapped her from the hospital.

Finished killing her and hid her body in a freezer at his house.

It wasn't for years later that he thought the coast was clear and he placed her body partially in a trash bag next to a dumpster in that Compton neighborhood.

He didn't want the body to not be found. He wanted it to so his message was clear -- "No ni**ers in his neighborhood"

She was labeled only as missing by the family, at least to me anyway. They didn't want me to get crazy and go on a killing spree. Her brother joked that was what little 3 year old Laquisha Antuana Jefferson would want.

After the Rodney King Trial, I took racism hard. I took it differently. No longer could I be on top of it and stop it.

It was here to stay and there was no changing it. I was glad I lived in a mostly white suburb because I felt i could talk to the few African Americans at my school and make sure they were doing okay, individually and not have to worry so much like i did in NYC.

There were less. So less could get hurt and i closed my mind off to the rest of the world.

7 weeks before i was called to Compton they found Laquisha Antuana Jefferson by that dumpster behind the 711 Chevron.

My mom thought it would be good because she was shot just 6 blocks from the race track.

Maybe I could do something.

I bought him a house in a white suburb. I got him transferred to a predominantly white neighborhood and made him promise his entire family and anyone he associated with would never kill or go near a black person again.

He just had to pay bills in a Beverly Hills home.

If he broke the rules he would be killed but i didn't tell him that. I just told him he would move out and it would be grave.

The house is still in my name and he never did break the rules.

But he hadn't killed just Laquisha Antuana Jefferson, he had killed over 700 others.

This i didn't know or understand or I would have had him killed.

He was black so I couldn't understand how he would say African American children were niggering up the neighborhood or "bone thugging the street" part of me didn't believe he killed Laquisha Antuana Jefferson but the whole of me couldn't deny he was capable.

Her whole death was horrific and hard to believe. Who would do such a thing and to such a precious child?! I loved her with my whole being, everyone did. There wasn't anyone i loved or respected more than that child.

I had a nervous break down for three weeks. I visited all the places she had been and I cried the whole time. I was miserable.

Queen Elizabeth II had to come fetch me and get me awake, see there was more life to live and Laquisha Antuana Jefferson wouldn't want me so upset and she believed what happened although I couldn't wrap my head around it, She could.

So she bugged his house and set speakers in it and we tortured him. Part of me thought it was wrong but it made me feel so much better, healed even and brought me joy.

Could you imagine Queen Elizabeth II egging and toilet papering a house!!?? Well we both sat in the car while Prince Harry and William and Princess Diana did it

I owned it and still do so it was alright with me.

Princess Diana painted a red bloody swastika on the door and Prince Andrew hung a white paper mache man made from reprinted newspaper clippings of the people he had killed from his garage.

It gave me a sense of pride. I knew that my little Royal Army did just what my co-conspirator in our Army of Two would had wanted. It was perfect retribution for Little Queen Laquisha Antuana Jefferson. The reincarnated Queen Nefertiti.

As Princess Diana returned to the limo, laughing, I said "thank you, I have never been more blessed than I am just right at this moment. I don't even want to leave. I want to sit and stare all night"

About an hour later, a patrol car with its lights on came up behind us and rapped his knuckles on the window. "Oh you're all white good. Does anyone know what happened here tonight or were you all just driving by?"

"Well see Its just..." Oh in the pit of my stomach I felt bad.

"Oh Sabrina you're all here. Good."

"Well see me and my friends were just driving past, I wanted to show the Queen the luxury of Beverly Hills and the good neighborhoods here and well we saw all this and thought we might want to stay and catch the vandals in the act in case they came back" I hung out the window and looked around "nope all good"

Princess Diana took to a snort of laughter midway through my speech and tried to cover it with a fake sneeze. Then a cough and a mere sound of strangling herself.

"Hey miss! Are you alright?!"

"Oh that's Princess Di"

"Too much champagne it went down the wrong way÷"

"Yeah I gotta laugh at her, sometimes she's much too silly"

"Well take a look at my house! That's serious enough for you!"

"Oh God! William help me! This is much to much!" And she leaped forward and buried her head in his chest so she could laugh freely.

"Oh is she crying?!"

"Oh she will be fine" I was relaxed and drunk myself and wow how easy i found it to lie! We could get away with anything! Even murder! Nope! I told myself we must'nt lie. I just got too carried away and didn't speak soundly enough. I said all I was supposed to but much too much so it was actually a lie! But I must'nt have to be tooo careful, After all I did just buy him a house didn't I? Even so that wasn't the right way to be and I felt surrendered to guilt.

"Well I say, I say do y'all want to come in?! I've said it three times but yet no one is to answer!"

"Oh yes. Please move. Lets show off this mini mansion bought just for you" I opened the door and Queen Elizabeth II slid out quickly behind me

"Oh it feels so good to get out and stretch! I haven't gotten out since well id gotten in it!"

I snorted drunk laughter "Oh yes we have been truly blessed to be in this limo"

"So shall we?" He offered the crook of his arm for my hand to take which I did "I don't want y'all stumbling all over, you ole drunk things!" The queen had rejected his arm and allowed Princess Diana to take it. And i felt suddenly less callous. I felt sober and somber. Walking up to the house we just destroyed wasn't the problem. It was his ability to take over the situation with peasantry and take two drunken women into his home. The "goblin" hung from his garage blowing in the wind, saying all that he was accused of. In the dark, suddenly I imagined myself as a black woman. I thought that soon i would be inside and i could puke and wash my face and still take a shit if i needed to. My nervous tummy did that.

"Here you two stand here and hold yourself up if you need to. I'll be right back. No no I meant each other. I wouldn't take my face off him but i peeked a glance at Princess Diana and she was pleasantly smiling as ever. Still having fun. Queen was patiently pleased as well. The boys seemed fine looking around at all the had done. "You know i didn't kill that kid. You know that right?"

"What?!?! What the Hell did you say?!?"

Princess Diana grabbed me and put her arm around me and put her finger to her lips and Queen Elizabeth II put on her black leather gloves

"Oh i suppose you didn't hear me, i said "let me get my key out" it will be just a moment" he bent at the waist "oh it seems someone put gum in the lock. Let me go out back and hopefully i can get in"

I watched him and heard the back gate click "did he say about the key twice?!" Princess Diana nodded solemnly. "He didn't say anything about killing a precious black kid?"

"NO!! SHH!"

"Hey you know i been praying to Jesus a lot ever since i put that girl out" the lights for the front porch turned off. I let out a giant terrified scream!! Princess Diana slapped her cupped hand over my mouth instantly. I nodded and breathed in. She removed her hand and wiped my germs away. On his wall. -.- good DNA to prove ive been here in case they aren't seeing the truth. Not that anyone would check that place though for sure.. Maybe i ought to pee in the bushes?? Thank God Shaquille O'Neal stayed in the car. Maybe i could light this house on fire and send him smoke signals before he gets stabbed in the neck!

The door suddenly swung open "WELCOME TO MY HOME!" he spread his arms and stood back. Like a Royal Butler "i will even bow!" And he did so. "I'm not drunk. Not yet. But I did take a couple swigs of this, to catch up you want?"

"No thanks I'll pass" princess Diana put her palm out

He pleaded

"No I've got the boys and mom's already drunk and so someone has to be able to watch them. She will drink tho. She's a real drunkard especially with guests. She swishes it between her teeth, says it gets her drunk faster" wow we were all gonna die. But hopefully we wasn't gonna feel it. "Sabrina i feel you and i hoped you weren't right, but it's all here. The writing is on The wall. This is a beautiful home."

He was towering over me "this is the nigger you want" and i was fuckonf terrified. He was staring into my eyes with possessive lust and i looked back in terror. I was trapped between the fireplace and him

"Uhm sir?" He tuned to her and slipped his flask into his pocket. Idk why but Princess Diana and I both saw Freddie Kruger instead of a police man in uniform. She stifled her scream better than i did. I played the fireplace scraped me. And i was told to sit and i did.

"Excuse me, i have to take this" Queen Elizabeth II had brought in her satellite phone and she went to the far end near the bottom of the stairs to talk to Shaq.

"Is it Snoop?"

"Oh no. The man in the car. Much better than smoke signals!!" I squeaked

"Oh are you hurt? Let me see that for a second"

"Oh uh sure" I let him lift my leg into his lap but kept it straight so it would not go to his crotch and put my hand between my kegs to hold my short party skirt down to protect my vagina.

"Oh a prude are ya?"I wondered if he said that out loud. NO one seemed to notice I felt alone and I felt scared. I wondered if he left a gaping hole in Laquisha Antuana Jefferson. I hoped she was dead when he did or at least the fear killed her... If she had any. I hoped she did for her sake

"Oh don't look sad! You'll be alright"

"Yeah because I'm old..." My eyes drifted to the Queen, "and big enough" i would take one for the team but i was gonna fight first. If i had to. Just keep my eyes open and my ears ---

"All i can tell you is that she is seeing truth and all is alright." She looked up at me "or was. I must go. Please stand by"

"Was that Snoop?"

Oh dear God i wish she would quit saying that. We were all gonna die. He grabbed my chin and stuck his tounge in with a French kiss. Okay let's die first. Much better on that.

"Uh yes. Was it Snoop?" I removed my leg and put my knees together and pulled my skirt to cover them both.

He reached down, grabbed my ankle and pulled up my leg again

"Oh you're so gentle!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you she has a fiancee" warned the Queen then she turned to check on the boys.

"Oh is he white?" He asked twice. In our culture we didn't speak of race so we all remained silent to his quest.

He turned to me "oh just one more" I pulled back

"Ouch! This thing is poking me!" I lied. I was scared. In my ways of life i didn't reject people. I distract. I dont like to be put in those situations. And the Queen had my back. We just needed to leave. "Queen please this house is attack-- guh ugh" somehow puke was on my breath although I hadn't yet, his tounge must had gotten my gag reflex as he kissed me rudely

"Ugh" I cursed him and had disgust in my face. "Im not into snoop. He's married and i am almost" he had fingered me during his kiss it seems or he was imagining it i wasnt sure but i seemed unaltered between my legs but the next kiss brought promises. I put my foot down and slid over.

"Snoop is? To who?"

"Shaquille!! I mean Shawntee!! You met her she came to this house with us!"

"What oh. Oh. Yeah get off. I guess i was jealous i thought you were fucking him. So who are you about to be married to, huh?"

I just kept seeing dead bodies and my heart was going to kill me. Inside i was screaming loudly we got to get out. It was as urgent as i had set a smoke signal. In my mind I saw the limo and I beat on the glass next to Shaquille's head. Maybe that would do the trick. I was sitting on the fire place after all. I saw a satellite view of the limo driver door opening and I resurrected back into Hell.

"Huh? What did you say?" I asked drowsily.

"Ah man! Y'all are drunk!! I gotta catch up! Now wait where is my flask?"

I saw in my mind Queen come to me and say "oh no she has a heart condition and touch my chest to gain a proper rhythm. I was dying and she knew.

That's what I get for pretending to be a drunk black woman alone in his home with him. I bent forward and breathed rapidly. Sweat dripping off me.

"Oh no Sabrina is coming down we must take her home"

"Here drink its bourbon" I did and felt hourly sick.

"Its sweet huh?"

The phone rang again "What is going on?!?! I got Sabrina beating on my glass and you two are all stand by?!?! Are you two in trouble?!?"

"Yes she is dearie. Every thing is fine. I'll see you... Next week? That all sounds fine"

"What is that nigger doing to you!?! I'll kill him! I've rang the phone twice already now!!"

"Oh yes. Please. The first. That sounds lovely. Soon. Soon. Yes i tell you the week will pass before you know it"

"Now? You want me to come now?"

"Absolutely! Of course!" She said angrily.

"Mom! You're drunk!!" Scolded Princess Diana. And nodded towards him

"Oh yes Please dearie you know just how it is --"

"Im coming now. Keep on talking. I'm killing this nigger!"

"Me first!" I rose the flask. "Oh here. I can't drink this shit"

"Oh yeah mixing liquor that may not be good. Who is she talking to? What y'all gonna have tea or something? Can i come?"

"Hey have you ever been to a hospital to see a little girl?"

His eyes looked at me in alarm

"About 6 weeks ago? She dead."

The doorbell rang while he looked at me in horror when i said the time frame. The bell rang again and he got up.

"And did you place her body into a trash bag?" I slurred.

"Shaquille! The greatest basketball player of all time! What you doing driving a limo?!"

"Oh you know. A favor to the Queen! Come on girls! Lets go! I got basketball tomorrow and i can't be out this late I still got to drive you all home then go to Vegas"

"No snoop I dont need no help i got this." I waved my arms drastically in the air and did not move my ass

"Come on girls Lets move!"

"Shaquille just pick her up, she's being a slut. Don't worry he's married too. To my -- mom! What in the hell get off the phone!! Come on let's go!"

"Shouldn't we call 911 to report this"

"Ah. No I am a cop and I don't mind as long as it was white people and I know it was because of the swastika"

"How many people have you killed with a plastic bag"

"Come on shh what is with you?"

"You're my legs! Lets move forth!" I announced then whispered "let's get away from this murderous uhhhh town" i got scared and kissed Shaquille

"Don't kiss me! What's going on with you?!?"

"Idk you!!" Was my reply.

"See? Slut" was Princess Diana's smooth comment as she passed. "Come along boys" she said beautifully

"Oh yeah and she fell -- by my fireplace isn't it exquisite?'"

"Oh yeah. You were being raped and all you could do was sit there? What's going on wit' you?!?!"

"Don't forget you belong in jail for killing that little girl!!" I accused and pointed as the door closed quietly. "He's drunk too he don't know. Come on Shaggy! To the Mystery va -- uh limo!"

"Who the hell is shaggy?! Which one of us?!"

"You Shaquille -- shaggy and he always has to carry scoobs the dog"

Princess Diana burst out laughing. "This is a conversation I expect to have with one of the boys! Not the two of you!"

"Well you get to carry the Royal Slut! Can you imagine the words that would be spoken at the police station tomorrow?!?!"

"Who gives a shit? Hes a piece of shit" stomped the Queen

"Well,from what he said to us. No one is gonna believe him anyway. He sounds like a complete doofus and a near rapist. Oh Sabrina that was brave asking those questions!"

"Oh I figured we would die anyway" i took off running to the car.

"What was with that shirt anyway? Didn't he really look like Freddie Kruger?"

"Was he really wearing that!?! I thought I was going crazy and your mom's black gloves didn't help at all i thought for sure we would all die!!"

"And you for real kissed me don't ever do that again. You know who I'm with"

"I panicked all I saw were lips and a face this close to mine and I thought it was him and I was scared too death!! I thought give in, it would go easier on me!! Its not my fault you're wearing a red shirt!! All I saw were lips!! But thank you for not kissing me back!! That was real gentlemanly of you like! And I can see why he just kept kissing me. I think he kisses allot of dead bodies as a matter of fact and he didn't even notice I wasn't responding. Like that woman that was strangled and had ligature marks all pink and he said. He said. Now you're all white and pretty like your vagina"

"Now You listen to me -- you get in this car this instant! He is standing in the drive way looking at you and me. In!" The queen just shoved me in the limo as i climbed blindly in and Princess Diana dragged me in the rest so the Queen could get in.

"Mom!!"

"Oh so nice to meet you!! Thanks again dearie!! Yoo hoo bye to you!!"

The Queen Elizabeth II relaxed as we got onto the freeway and further away from Beverly Hills. She rolled down the partition "to the ghetto, please sir" Shaquille stepped on the gas harder. "Then we will all feel a little bit better. Get away from this trashy ass place!"

We all looked at her like wtf

"I know! The irony of it!"

And we laughed joyously.

"Y'all were in there 45 full minutes now what did you find!?"

Velma? Queen Elizabeth II

Daphne? Princess Di

Freddy? Well half was Harry and the other Willaim since after all, they were just half pints in 1993.

Laquisha Antuana Jefferson died far too young.

3 days later i had a heart attack and a stint was placed in my chest which later failed in 1997.

I can't handle racism. I can't handle the pain and suffering of innocent people.

I'm not like all the rest of you. I talk to the dead. And sometimes I'd rather be there than anywhere.

My days are long and hard. And sometimes I don't want to live any more.

I'm tired of loving and I'm tired of caring and not receiving anything proper in return.

So for someone like me, just a white girl in a wheel chair. Black Lives Matter marches and people being out and saying it and being seen supporting it.

For little Queens like Laquisha Antuana Jefferson, they were everything. She was out in 1991, she would escape and run down the street sometimes naked in her little wooden sandals with white leather straps.

"Girl! You need a shirt!"

"´hey i know you! You're my Army of Two! I didn't have time to get dressed. I knew the door was opening and. I had to escape! They keep me locked in you know but i can't miss this! Im all about Black Pride and Beauty!"

"Well let's cover some of that up, Miss Queen Nefertiti, you want a pink shirt or black?"

"Oh no!! There he is!! Hide me!!" This tiny child grabbed a shirt off the table, slipped it over her head and dove under the table in front of my legs. "Is he coming?"

He was going straight... So i called him over "miss queen Nefertiti just ran off on me like she own me. Like i don't have my own friends"

"Well what are you doing?"

"Well looking for her now?"

"No i mean what are you supposed to be doing besides looking for her?"

"Oh just meeting my friends to go on the prowl. See?" He lifted his shirt and showed his Panther Pride most people hid in case of cops or white supremacist "i got one, too. He tapped the table

"I got one, too!" She piped up. She knew not to run and hide in the streets and had some hope if she had one she could attend like it was a licence to prooowl.

"Shh... Do you hear something? What's that scuffling? It sounds like her wooden shoes! Do you got her?!?"

I nodded quietly

"What?! Where?!?"

"So i mean if i see her do you think you or your parents i mean your ma would mind she sit here for a spell while you're out on the road?"

"Aw man! I want to prowl. Aw shit! I said it again!" Ahe grabbed my leg and held on tight

So i told him silently.

"I mean sure uhh if you don't mind!"

"Well i got two little boys over there having lunch. Thwyre on break but usually they are over in this chalk lined area."

"I want to prowl!! I want to go meow!" I could feel her jaw move against my calf.

"I can take them for a walk up and down the street"

"Okay that willl work!!" She jumped up excited. She saw her brother and tried to take off.

"Wait I'm gonna stop you!!"

"No way!" She zig zagged right behind me.

"You'll stay right there?" He rubbed his skull "uggggg you know what?! My friends can wait!"

"No! I'll stay! I'll stay! I swear I'm like her! We're an Army of Two!"

"Okay but you know what? Since you're no longer butt naked" he knelt down next to her

"I know! I got dressed fast!"

"She did and all goddess like i never seen someone so fast

"Really? Now what?" She put her hands on either side of his face

"Maybe ill take you for a walk instead. And let you meet my friends then bring you back Here where its safe. Then you can play with those two boys ew yuck icky and be a mascot? Hey? What do you say?"

"I think i will enjoy that. I will go with you." They both stood and she placed her tiny hand in his extra large one.

"Do you want a double layer?"

"No i think it will be safe. If I feel any danger I'll just pick her up and hold her close and hide her black panther. Okay? And you if you feel disgusted or moody or anger, you just come to me and tell me up! I don't want the white supremacy to see they might hurt us and that's not fair is it?"

She shook her head while looking at her toes and she looked up with sad eyes "okay you up?" He picked her up quickly

"Who?!!? Where?!?" He spun around wildly.

She laughed joyously "oh i just wanted a hug!! I didn't know you would protect me!! You are like her! An Army of One! Okay put me down! Lets prowl!!"

When they returned a short time later he looked disturbed "what? What's happening?"

"Turns out my friends are from the white supremacy! She would run around acting wild and when she would see a cop she would bolt back to me Then we would walk silently and she would be all calm then as soon as we passed she would bolt off again which was fine, that's what she do. But then once we got to my friend she didn't know him cause he was alone prowling and she ran to me all "up up" but do you think she knows instinctively that is who is taking m3 away from her at nights? And maybe she thinks they are trouble for me and her? Because we are reincarnated and I'm not her brother that is for sure! But do you think that is what it is? I sure hope so?"

"How about one night instead of prowling you just come over here and BBQ for me? You know it hurts me to stand and.."

"Nope I'm looking for the white supremacy because I have a feeling they're out to kill my Queen Nefertiti"

"Well the ones she is afraid of, have him or them play at the BBQ and then i can find out. I have a nose for it"

"But theyre black!! Is that even possible?!"

"Id have to call Miss Harriet Tubman for sure, But i think anything is likely."

"But can you see past his skin color? He is dark! Darker than me!"

"I don't see skin color I promise if it makes you feel better I can imagine him as white"

"Okay that will work. Come on Miss, lets go in"

3 out of 4 additionally including himself I could imagine as white. Which i could derive as only no racial prejudice between those.

The 4th was the only one she liked. Turns out he was most afraid of white people.

And none were like the man who killed her who was black and a white supremacist living in Compton when they went to go visit her grandmother.

Laquisha Antuana Jefferson

6 months after her body was found, he drowned himself in the Buttermilk Channel between Brooklyn and Governors Island. The Coast Guard attempted to resuscitate and even called me to see him to bring him back to life.

"Oh no. I know him. He wont come back." When everyone moved away from him, I knelt down next to him and prouncounced him dead in the language of the Egyptians. And i leaned over him in a hug and cried.

I kissed his lips, closed his eyes and placed two gold coins over them "in love may you always be. I am too sorry for you. You will be my friend" i picked up his left hand and placed it between his belly button and heart then picked up his right "always for me and for her always in love. I am too sorry for me. I will always cry" I gently folded his stiff cold fingers together. "And in silence you will bear the heart of a true man. May you always be beautiful, kind and unsuffering in her love. May you rest in peace. Ah man"

Laquisha Antuana Jefferson you were a wild one.

The world has suffered in your death. May you always be risen again. In true love and faith. May your heart always be bright and safe from us and all the world. I will love you again. Ah man.

Thank you for understanding why we have killed her killer tonight. June 8, 2020. It has been long awaited and her murderer has suffered plenty in his life in Beverly Hills.

[ekourege]

Original Version of rewrite

Kakashi's an Enabler, Alternatively titled; Why Does Naruto Keep Giving Him All These Damn Plants; or, it's Kakashi's Birthday

Rated T for profanity

No pairings, only fluff and friendship.

Summary: “Naruto and his penchant for plants coincide with his stealth skills, and Kakashi ends up saddled with more greenery than he can really handle. (Slight AU, small amounts of angst. One-shot.)”

Rewrite is here

Slight AU here, there's some reference to Kakashi actually training Team Seven, and that's pretty much completely out of character for him. (or maybe it's exactly in character?)

It started right after Kakashi had barely passed Team Seven.

He went about his usual routine; get up, feed his ninken, check his ninja supplies, and go to the memorial stone and reminisce. It made him late for his team meeting, but didn't that just make it more fun for him? Genin team or no, he had a routine, and he would stick by it. Besides, no one would call him out if he showed up a little later than usual.

It really was a nice day out. Maybe he could stroll to the bridge instead of taking the rooftops?

It was 10:30 AM when the copy-nin strolled into the designated meeting place of Team Seven. Kakashi pulled out his Icha Icha Paradise novel and jumped into a tree to observe his genin bicker and prickle with irritation with his untimely manner. Kakashi had expected to hear complaints about his chronic lateness, or Naruto fighting with Sasuke and talking about his 'awesomeness' while Sakura insulted the blonde, and fawned over Sasuke, who ignored her in turn. Really, just how had he passed this team again?

This was not to be, it seemed.

Sakura and Sasuke had called a temporary truce and had huddled close to each other for support. While Naruto emphatically badgered them about their interests, hobbies, and any other essential information he could think of. From what the gray-haired man could tell, he'd been bothering them for a while now, going by the way Sasuke was looking practically homicidal, which only happened if you managed to annoy him long enough, while Sakura's hand was twitching constantly, which meant that railing Naruto wasn't working.

It was when Naruto started shaking Sasuke's shoulders, obviously irritated that no one was answering his questions, and Sasuke started to make the hand signs for a Katon Jutsu, Kakashi interfered. Appearing with a plume of smoke, book in hand, Kakashi called out a gleeful, "Yo!"

At first, it seemed to work, Naruto backed away and the murderous irritation on Sasuke's face lessened while Sakura looked somewhat relieved, calling out a fairly tame, "You're late!" in reprimand. Naruto did too, in purely Naruto-esque fashion, which included jumping up and down and punching the air. Honestly, manipulating them was way too easy, he'd have to fix that somehow. He'd rather not see his cute genin die because some other ninja took advantage of their vulnerability.

However, immediately after that, Naruto did a complete 180 and invaded his personal space for information; shouldn't it have been apparent on the first day that he wasn't going to reveal anything about himself?

"Sensei! Sensei! What's your favorite food? Least favorite? D'ya have any pets, besides your ninken... do ninken even count as pets? If so, what're their names? Favorite color? You never actually told us anything about yourself besides your name, so! Is your hair dyed or did you go grey early? Sensei, c'mon! I want to know, 'ttebayo!"

Kakashi felt the urge to switch places with Sakura using a kawarimi, but only raised his hands in defense of his personal bubble before waving off the questions with a well placed, "Maa, yes, I do, but we should really get to today's lesson, don't you think?"

Naruto frowned, brows furrowing, "But Sensei! We're a team! We have to know these things about each other!"

Kakashi just hummed and turned away, "Do we?"

"Yes!" Naruto hollered, pointing at him defiantly.

Kakashi rubbed his mask covered chin, appearing to think about it for a second, "Hmm, well, let's get to today's lesson, shall we? Sasuke, Sakura, head over to the stumps, there's a Katon Jutsu I'd like you both to attempt today. Naruto, gather some leaves, we need to work on your chakra control…"

And that was that.

(If only he'd turned around and seen his blonde genin's eyes glint before following the rest of Team Seven with a pout.)

There was something they'd forgotten about Naruto: his sheer stubbornness. When Naruto set his eyes on something, he bulldozed anything that got in his way; no matter how impossible it may seem, or how high the odds were stacked against him until the knucklehead achieved whatever he was after, he wouldn't stop. Naruto with a goal was an inescapable force of nature.

Kakashi honestly hadn't thought of Naruto's information gathering attempt for months, after that initial time it was never brought up again, so they'd all quickly put it out of their minds. Therefore, it was one hell of a shock when Naruto started spouting off private information on his teammates. He even had information on Kakashi himself! Though the strangest thing was, Naruto wasn't even bragging or talking about himself, he wasn't giving away how he got this knowledge at all. He was just casually revealing classified information.

Oh, god. How'd the brat get his hands on his old mission reports? Sakura whacked Naruto on the head with the broom she was using to sweep an elderly couple's porch when he told everyone their Zodiacs. Kakashi himself is apparently a Leo.

He felt a great amount of satisfaction at the lump that formed on Naruto's head, chuckling before burying his nose in his new copy of Icha Icha: Make Out. (His old copy had gotten burnt up by a stray fireball from Sasuke during a spar with Naruto. Kakashi had spared him no mercy for that, the proceeding spar was brutal for him: hell hath no fury like a porn book burned.)

It was supposed to have been a normal D-rank, they were supposed to hear whining and frustrated yelling from Naruto, not have their life's stories revealed! It was really starting to freak Kakashi out just how much dirt Naruto suddenly seemed to have on him.

Kakashi was internally freaking out about all the irresponsible things Naruto could possibly do with all the embarrassing missions and information on him. Naruto had a mischievous streak a mile wide, and Kakashi shivered at the thought of what Naruto could do at his (and Sasuke's) expense.

It was only when Naruto started speaking about his past, about Team Minato and Kannabi Bridge, he thought it time to step in. (and quickly, he doesn't like even mentioning Kannabi bridge. Too many memories.)

"And then Sensei's Teammate - Obito Uchiha -"

Kakashi inhaled, stiffening imperceptibly and interrupting with a sharp, "Naruto."

Naruto startled, sending Kakashi an annoyed glare over his shoulder, while Sakura and Sasuke sent each other a look and subtly tried to vacate the premises. Sakura didn't stand too close to Sasuke though, he knew too many embarrassing things about her and she needed time to recover from her mortification before she tried to pursue her beloved again. Naruto cocked his head to the side and stared at his sensei while he tried to continue weeding the garden, "Yes, Sensei? I'm trying to tell Sakura-chan and Sasuke-teme about your past, it's need-to-know info!"

Kakashi twitched, leaning over Naruto and releasing a bit of killing intent, "Where did you learn this information?"

Naruto averted his eyes and started sweating. "Uh.."

Kakashi's eyes narrowed, "Did the Hokage tell you?" (If so, Kakashi and Tsunade would have words, Hokage or no.)

Naruto's face twisted with bewilderment, looking at his sensei as if he was stupid, "Of course not! The Hokage can't reveal one of their citizen's personal information without consent!"

"Then why do you know these things?" the copy-nin accused, hands on his hips.

Naruto cringed, hesitating before answering with a tense, "I, uh, read your files."

Kakashi's eyes widened, and so did his other two genin's, who quickly snapped to attention at the admission. "Y-you, what?"

(He couldn't've, he couldn't, he wears bright orange and won't ever shut up, that's got to be a lie. It can't be true.)

Naruto sat fully onto the ground next to the partially weeded garden, looking wearily at his team, "We're a team, we need to know these things about each other! What if we accidentally said something that hurt one another but we didn't know because we didn't know like, anything about each other! We're like strangers! So, I made it my mission to stop that from happening, you're welcome, dattebayo!" Naruto broke off with a mumble that sounded like, "Besides, it's not like it's hard to get that sort of stuff anyway."

The (mostly) sane members of Team Seven just stared, slightly dazed, as they tried to picture a ninja in neon orange breaking into the archive under the Hokage Tower, before calling out in varying degrees of disbelief, "No, you?!"

"That's got to be a lie, idiot."

"Naruto, that's not a very funny joke."

Naruto bristled, huffing and crossing his arms, "Well, you guys weren't telling me anything and I needed to find out somehow! So, I broke into the archive and read your files, simple! It's not like it's a big deal or anything, everyone can do it!" Naruto took the time to glare at each member, clearly affronted by the fact they were dubious of his claim.

Kakashi snapped out of his stupor just as Naruto got tired of the awkward silence and turned back to his work of weeding the garden. He then scooped him up by the collar, ignoring Naruto's protests, and the handful of weeds that were chucked as his jounin vest, and marched him to the Hokage Tower. Mentally noting to talk to the Hokage about the obvious holes in security around the tower.

As his other two (thankfully obedient) genin followed behind him, Naruto's indignant complaints to Kakashi turned more and more nervous and hesitant, "Oi, Sensei! Sensei put me down!"

"...You're not gonna snitch are you?" (Oh, yes, he certainly was going to 'snitch'. The little devil deserved it, anyway.)

"...Sensei?"

"You're can't stop him, you know." Tsunade grunted, resigned.

Kakashi's mouth opened in shock, "B-but Tsunade-hime, you're the Hokage! Your word is the law!"

They were in the Hokage's office, Kakashi having dragged a pleading (for mercy) Naruto by the collar of his jumpsuit in, along with a faintly amused Sakura and Sasuke.

Naruto was seated in a chair in front of Tsunade's desk, sulking. The slouch and defiant look in Naruto's face turned immensely smug when he heard the Hokage's mournful response, sending Kakashi a smirk.

"Supposedly. The brat-" Naruto, the aforementioned genin, bristled and called Tsunade an old hag; and was sent crashing through the wall without the Hokage even sending a glance his way. Kakashi eye-smiled at Naruto, smirking beneath his mask. 'Serves the brat right.' "-gets into everything, chunin, jounin, ANBU, you name it. He can get into every important location in Konoha. If we close off one hole in our security, he'll find another way in. He's our security team's worst nightmare, and our intelligence division's wet dream.

Try all you want to get him to stop, Hatake. It will do nothing. I know, I've tried, even threatened to take him off active duty for a month when he burst into my office yelling about my heritage. Instead, he turned around and blackmailed me! I swear he knows everyone's secrets. There really is no escape." Tsunade finished, cutting herself off before she could rant any further, before sending a glare to the hole in the wall that Naruto was hauling himself out of, brushing rubble off his orange clothing.

Kakashi was stunned. Naruto, an ill-prepared genin who couldn't even do a bunshin, being able to successfully infiltrate the most heavily guarded buildings in Konoha, escape, and blackmail the fucking Hokage into letting him get away with it. It just wouldn't compute.

'God help Konoha.'

Naruto broke into arrogant, boisterous laughter. "Of course! I'm The Prankster King, dattebayo! To be that awesome ya have to know your pranking area inside out!" Naruto crowed, standing up and puffing his chest out.

"I can't believe Sensei put up with this…" Tsunade muttered, rifling through her desk drawers for some alcohol.

Naruto gestured flippantly to the painting of the Third on the wall, "Oh, Jiji and I made it a game! It was sort of like hide and seek, but more fun! I would hide somewhere and do a prank if he didn't find me in time, and if he caught me I had to help him with paperwork… he cheated using that crystal ball of his, though..."

Tsunade just put her head in her hands.

When Kakashi had awoken on September the fifteenth, he had gone about his regular routine. He got up, showered, put on his mask(s) and jounin vest, fed his ninken, made himself some coffee, and finally tied his hitai-ate over his left eye before heading for the Memorial Stone.

It was only when he got there that he remembered the significance of the date. It was his birthday.

'Oh, joy. If Gai finds out, he'll never leave me alone.'

Kakashi actually managed to get so paranoid about green spandex wearing men appearing out of nowhere, screaming about youth and doing a frankly alarming amount of pushups, that he cut his time at the Memorial Stone short, deciding to change up his routine in staving off the inevitable. Thinking a moment, and then heading towards that dango place Anko likes, he discreetly cast a henge on himself, making himself appear less noticeable. 'Sorry Sensei, Obito. It's Gai, you have to understand.'

The jounin, unfortunately, got a bit carried away with hiding from Gai, and when he next checked the clock, it was 1:30 PM; and he was about six hours late to his team meeting. Kakashi faltered from where he was munching on his fourth stick of dango, nearly choking on the dango he was taking a bite out of. This was actually a new record of unintentional tardiness, and the gray-haired man had to take a moment and be faintly impressed with himself. Before his genin hunt him down and slaughter him, he thought maybe he should probably get to his team meeting. Placing money for the dango on the counter, Kakashi high-tailed it for the bridge.

Kakashi appeared in front of an extremely annoyed Team Seven, who seemed to be plotting his murder? Ah, he'd probably left at a good time then. Kakashi nervously gave his complex excuse for the morning, shivering slightly when Sakura cracked her knuckles, Sasuke's eyes flared, and Naruto's eyes turned icy and calculating. Kakashi was screwed. Anyone and everyone who knew of Naruto's pranking days knew that Naruto only made that face when he was planning a revenge prank in the most humiliating way possible. He weathered the usual reprimands, Sasuke having joined in with particularly prickly comments directed towards his Precious Sensei. Ouch.

The jounin-ensei eye smiled at his genin and was about to make a witty comeback, but instead was met with a plant with the name "Mr. Ukki" scrawled messily across the rim of its pot shoved in his face, along with a cry of "Happy birthday Sensei!" from Naruto.

Kakashi blinked, then sighed exasperatedly and accepted the potted plant that was forced into his hands. He'd gotten used to Naruto's sneakiness and surprising aptitude for infiltration and stealth months ago, it didn't surprise him at all that Naruto knew his birthdate. Naruto hadn't really stopped at their files, which all seemed to fall into his hands somehow. He went above and beyond and searched for more things about them, and even started compiling information on his peers. Kakashi had no doubt in his mind that he'd probably read a lot of the higher ninja's psych evals, too.

As Kakashi adjusted the plant carefully, making sure not to squish or tear any of the leaves, Naruto stepped back and pursed his lips, fiddling with his hands before looking up, posture turning oddly small. There was an anxious look in his eyes, his body language showing restlessness and trepidation as he asked, "Do... do ya like it? It's called the "Cast-Iron" plant because It's a such a low maintenance plant, and since we're ninja and all... you'll probably forget to water it or give it proper sunlight sometimes because we'll be busy with ninja stuff. You need to keep the soil a bit wet, but it can stand a bit of neglect. Um, I thought maybe you'd like it, 'ttebayo."

Kakashi was tempted to pull out Icha Icha and ignore this display of vulnerability, but instead reached out and ruffled Naruto's messy hair, murmuring his thanks and eye smiling down at him. The tips of Naruto's ears turned red, and he spluttered, rubbing his neck. Sakura and Sasuke both held out their gifts for him, Sasuke looking reluctantly pleased with the surprised look in his eye. 'Maa… maybe I can go a little easier on them today.'

He accepted the gifts, tucking the wrapped packages into his vest for later, and called them to attention, starting that day's lesson.

When they stopped for a late lunch, (and took him to Ichiraku's, figures. The old ramen chef supplied them all with little party hats that wouldn't fit on his head due to his very spiky hair. Cute idea, but a bit degrading.) Kakashi opened the gifts from his other two genin, while Mr. Ukki the Plant sat upon the counter, green leaves shining proudly as he thanked Sasuke and Sakura. Directing them back to the training ground while Naruto footed the bill.

There was a warm feeling in his chest as he walked home; a plant, romance novel, ('Without porn!' Sakura had hastily told him before he could question how she managed to get her hands on it. He was a bit put off about it, but was appreciative nonetheless.) and a new package of masks cradled against his chest.

"My Eternal Rival!"

It had been such a good day, too.

Kakashi had settled Mr. Ukki on the window sill of his small apartment, watering it and taking as good care of it as he could.

So when Naruto, despite being away on that training trip with Jiraiya, sent him two plants for his birthday that next year, which arrived at his doorstep via Ninja Courrier while he was going through his regular routine, he cracked a little smile. He figured that the reason Naruto left two plants for him was because Sasuke was gone, and therefore couldn't send him one.

He still feels the little sting of betrayal when he thinks of Sasuke.

He places one plant, a Parlor Palm, onto his desk, while the other goes onto his bookshelf, which is an arrowhead vine, according to the label. He picks up the envelope that came along with it, and when he opens it up, two books fall out. One is a plant care manual, which is useful, while the other is… an Icha Icha book. A brand new Icha Icha book, if he's correct (which he is) and lets out a very un-shinobi-like noise when he opens it with glee, only to find that Jiraiya signed it! 'The brat's really outdone himself this year.' Kakashi mused fondly.

He can see from the corner of his eye that his ninken are looking at him and his book with contempt, but Kakashi's too immersed in his new copy of Icha Icha to really pay them any mind.

(He's a bit disappointed when the day idly ticks away without Sakura ever sending him anything, but that's okay. He has his ninken, he has his plants, - Kakashi's starting to think he understands why Naruto likes them so much -, and his Icha Icha. He's content, he's not lonely.)

The next couple years are much the same, the jounin receives a few new books on plant care, some plant supplies which are tucked away into a drawer, several new plants; even one made to hang from the ceiling, and the manuscript for the latest Icha Icha novel. Kakashi's starting to look forward to his birthdays, just a little. Even if Sakura's hasn't been to visit him a little over six months, and Sasuke's defection makes his heart ache a little, makes him a little more bitter, he's not lonely. He's got his plants (He understands, now. He does.), he's got Naruto's letters, Gai's challenges, and his ninken.

All in all, things are looking up. Right?

"Kakashi, I think you have a fucking problem." groans Raidou, who started to gripe at him as he was in the middle of regaling his plant excursions. Naruto had sent him some stalks of bamboo a couple weeks ago, along with some sunflower seeds.

Kakashi just looked at him blandly, "Hmm… what makes you think that?"

This time it's Asuma that chimes in, "It's all you ever talk about anymore, Kakashi. I don't know why one of your brats thought to get you a plant was a good idea, honestly."

Kakashi gains an air of mock-offense, before gazing at them all with hurt, muttering about "abuse" and "sacrilege".

When Naruto comes back for his training trip, he greets the village with a dazzling smile and a loud declaration. When he greets Kakashi, he hands him a Canterbury Bell, smiles at him, and waves goodbye, saying something about meeting "Iruka-sensei" for ramen.

Sending a short wave back, he reenters his apartment building, pulls a mug out from a cabinet in his cramped kitchenette, fills it with water, and puts the flower bundle in it.

The gray-haired jounin picks one out of the bouquet, and tucks it into his pocket, before pulling out one of his books and heading to the jounin station to relax and brag about his new gift.

He is pleased when he walks in and finds them all suitably exasperated at the little bell-shaped flower sticking out of his vest pouch.

(He'll find out later while drunk with Gai and the other jounin that those flowers mean "gratitude". Gai will beam at him, and Kakashi will drunkenly mumble about his new favorite student.)

Even after all the time that has passed, Naruto still sends him plants and flowers for his birthdays and other special occasions. He's had to move, as he ran out of space to keep all his plants and worried about killing his precious students gifts, (He felt so sad after he accidentally killed Mr. Ukki three years ago. Naruto told him that it was alright, of course, But Kakashi is determined to not have it happen again.) so he moved to a much bigger apartment, where he keeps his plant care manuals, Icha Icha books, and the romance novel Sakura gave him so long ago on a shelf. When asked about why the silver-haired nin moved after being seemingly content in his tiny apartment for so long, Kakashi would shrug and make a comment about a lack of space and the age of the place before whipping out his book and shoving his face into it.

From time to time he'll take a look at Team Sevens team photo and the small romance novel on the shelf, and with a twinge of bittersweet fondness, grin.

All's right with the world, to Kakashi. He's still got his ninken, Gai and his challenges, the other jounin, his students, Icha Icha, and his plants.

That's good enough for him.

Uh,,, this kind of went off the rails! This was about Kakashi and Mr. Ukki originally, but I guess the word flow for each scene about the original concept just kind of stopped, oops.

I'm so sorry, this is really bad, but I hope you at least enjoyed it.