#because i live with my parents and they do not care about nutrition like at all

[halcyonmachines]

i can't believe i made this blog specifically because of one post that annoyed me. lol. anyway it vexes and surprises and shocks me how some subset of the "b-ody positive" movement has seemingly evolved from "you can do whatever you want with your body and you don't deserve to be harassed because of it" to "you should accept being fat, you're stuck that way because weight loss is impossible"

which is literally so fucking untrue. weight loss IS possible and the misconception that it's not comes from the idea that diets are temporary phases. they are not. weight loss, and trying to be healthy in general, is a lifestyle change and it is a choice one has to continue to make every single day of their lives.

saying that weight loss is impossible makes me feel hopeless and stuck as a person who is trying to be healthy after years of dietary neglect in childhood. so you can imagine my frustration when people who are claiming to want what's best for people make literally untrue claims for the sake of "positivity"

it's okay to want to lose weight. it's possible and making small changes to your lifestyle can make it pretty easy in the long run. it's really not that difficult. and i will keep going and i will be happy!!! this is a threat !!

[kizzer55555]

DP X DC School Project

So...I am part of a dp x dc Discord server under the nickname Jazz. Someone decided to post a Pinterest picture in the fanfic ideas channel. This is the conversation it created. I love this Discord server so much.

Eros:

Danny and Damain working together on school project together.

Or even Dani and Damian up to you.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Danny and Damian just sounds so much more funny to me.

Eros:

Alrights 👌

BreKitten:

Oh my gosh, that's hilarious

Eros:

And they totally would act like this

Apricot:

crying lmao

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Damien: Why wouldn't we shop at [the expensive place]? I am an heir-

Danny: taps the paper 2k a month. You gave up your money to make me feel more comfortable.

Damien: Why would I care about your comfort?

Danny: dramatic gasp How could say that about your husband?!

Apricot:

Damian: husband?! what "husband"?!

Eros:

then proceeded to fight on types of toast and pricy vegetarian meals

Danny: look our family needs a balance diet, we can't live off vegetables alone! The very least we should mix it with some actual food like Ectoplasm.

(if Ectoplasm can be considered all kind of elements/a semi living organism since it revives things then any food brought to life should be counted as a beast of some kind)

Eros:

Also counts since Danny lived off ectoplasm for a fair bit of his life so he would see it as a food source

Eros:

Danny: me. I'm your husband, we agreed to marry to make it easier for the kids.

Apricot:

Damian: KIDS?!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Danny: Danny Jr and Damian Jr!

Eros:

Danny: yes kids, don't tell me you forgot we had kids! I swear you'll say you forgot we have pets too!

Danny: shows the paper that says they have a pet and two kids

Jazz:

No wait, the ectoplasm comes last. Just the Wayne’s seeing Damian and this random kid fight about every single thing. Finally Damian comes home and says that they finally agreed on something.

The Wayne’s: finally. Looks like this is a good learning experience:

Damian: we have agreed to live off of Lazarus water.

Wayne’s: ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!

And the best thing is that they might not know about Danny being a halfa. So they think Damian is now corrupting random citizens.

Jazz:

Cause like, they both grew up with Lazarus water/ectoplasm and know the nutritional value.

Eros:

Indeed~

Jazz:

Great for child development too!

They both turned out great!

Eros:

Hehehe

Alright now both Danny and Damian are fully into this project now they have at least a agreed idea on food

Because the project they have is this; budget for every day living

So they have food set out

There is now trying to keep the house running and kids/pets alive and entertained

Danny agrees that with his skills he can do the majority of repairs, Damian agrees to take responsibility of the pets

They are now having an argument on how children should be raised.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Damian is all for strict discipline, high standards of education, after school activities (he may not want his kids to be assassins but he still wants the best).

Danny's all for independence, finding your own way, encouragement and lots of love and support.

Damian: Do you want our children to grow up to be garbagemen?!

Danny: Do you know how much a garbageman makes?!

Eros:

Danny grew up around a lot of physical affection and love from his folks, except around the time of the accident/the holidays he always knew his parents loved each other very very much.

Damian comes from such an emotionally constipated house hold that he only gets the majority of physical affection from Dick

Jazz:

Lol

This is so perfect.

Danny then says something that puts Damian’s entire world view into question.

Danny: is this how you would treat our pets?!

Eros:

Damian: gasp how dare you, how very dare you!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

XD Danny, recounting the story later to Sam and Tucker: I swear, if he had pearls, he would've clutched them.

Eros:

Hehehe

Jazz:

Me imagining Damian going to Dick to complain.

Damian: can you imagine?! Raising kids and hugging them! Or saying it’s ok to fail!

Dick’s face.

Eros:

Damian complaining to his family: we might have agreed on living off Lazarus water, but now he wishes for our children to just go wild, then compared our pets to them!

Jazz:

Damian: obviously our pets would act nothing like those…savages.

Eros:

It just keeps getting better~

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Waynes are listening to this kind of like a soap opera

Eros:

Sam: wow Danny, at the very least your doing better then when you were partnered up with Val, like the majority of the time you were trying to pawn off raising the kid on each other until the flower was in danger, but I can't say much myself since Tucker pulled a Kronos.

Which opened a new can of worms; how much time were they going to take care and be there for their "kids" what kind of training would they go through

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Hehehe

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Danny: I learned from my mistakes. I wasn't ready to be a parent then.

Eros:

Their whole class and teachers are watching it like a soap opera

Eros:

The very least they get to see it live and not re counted

Jazz:

(Someone get popcorn, or they just get out their packed lunches early).

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yes! The Waynes and Sam and Tucker get the play-by-play but the class gets to see the actual show!

Jazz:

No wait, someone records it and post it and then it goes viral. (Do they think that the Wayne’s make a lot more sense now hearing of how Damian thinks children should be raised?)

(Are there now more questions?!)

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Oooh. I can see people being even worse to Damian. Maybe pitying him because he grew up with so little love.

Eros:

Then the next day Danny brings up the issue of child raising again since Sam makes a good point.

Danny: okay so I've re think a few things, mainly on occasion the kids should get self defense classes or something like that since it would make most sense to keep them safe. But beyond work and school activities how should we spend our time with them?

Jazz:

People see the two about to continue their conversation and immediately stop what they are doing to bring their phones out.

What if this becomes one of the most popular ‘dramas’? Like, so much in fact even villains will stop what they are doing to watch?

Eros:

(because Danny comes from a physical affectionate house doesn't mean there was neglect from his folks working way too much)

Jazz pretty much raised him when it came to actual child care so Danny is determined to be there for his "kids"

Not just for the fun stuff or being pulled to random projects

Jazz:

They get super invested in this project.

Also, what if people intentionally goad them on? Like seeing them together and asking if a kid should be left alone at home or with a babysitter or what they’ll do during a blackout/tornado?

Eros:

Surprisingly it's Danny who brings a big book of plans in case if emergencies

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yes!

Adonnenniel "Addy": - reply to students and citizens goading Danny and Damian on.

The teacher reworks their lesson plans to do an extended deep dive into home economics so that this can keep happening.

Jazz:

Absolutely.

Jazz:

Some of the emergency responses are normal like, if there is a tornado, evacuate kids to a shelter, others are strange like arguing whether you should fight the burglar or prioritize the kids. Others are just plain weird. A blackout? Both Damian and Danny will turn to face the questioner. Obviously they’ll be able to see in the dark. (Effect of ectoplasm/Lazarus exposure).

Eros:

Danny is even willing to share on the "in case of apocalypses" situations

Jazz:

Neither question why they know a massive amount of information about various world ending disasters/villains.

Eros:

Oh and how they should pack bags for school and for emergencies

Jazz:

Omg, they make a kid survival kit. Including blasters and knives.

Eros:

Danny insists they should put some of the survival kit stuff in the school bag

Jazz:

Everything a five year old should take to school.

Eros:

Ooo discussion on how old their kids should be to learn about weapons and how to safely handle them

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Danny: Eight should be good.

Damian: Eight is way too late to start!

Jazz:

The fact that both agree this is a necessary subject to teach their kids. Everyone’s reaction to hearing various ways you can kill/dismember a person and why this won’t work. Not because it’s immoral but clearly because young kids don’t have the necessary arm length to complete certain maneuvers.

Eros:

Damian: that's why we should put the kids into martial arts and gymnastics as soon as possible so  they can be flexible enough!

Jazz:

Danny: that’s why we should wait until their older and focus on their aim while young! Their muscle memory will be all wrong by the time they reach the appropriate age!

Damian: they will not always have a weapon to aim. The body is the only reliable weapon that will never fail.

Eros:

Now to add extra into the mix; Bruce and Jazz (who is now Danny's legal guardian) show up to school to pick them up as they are in a middle of an argument

Danny: and who will be the one teaching them? Because proper teachers will be expensive, at least we can teach them at home how to aim properly! It can be a bonding experience!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Jazz: What are you talking about?

Danny: Teaching our young children proper aim.

Jazz: You will not!

Danny: I mean, you're obviously not going to teach them.

Jazz:

Damian: I can teach them perfectly fine.

Danny: what about work? You can’t be with them all the time. 

Damian: I can take them with me. We can travel around Gotham and learn to fight through experience. 

Danny: you are not taking our children to fight on the streets

Damian: what, didn’t you want us bonding?! Make up your mind!

Dick looking at Bruce. “This is your fault.”

Eros:

Danny: You're not letting our children out on the streets, they will put too many people in the hospital! You have any idea how expensive that would be!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Damian casually dropping he's Robin?

Jazz:

Danny not even processing it.

Then casually stating he’s dead. Damian skipping that detail.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

XD They're too caught up in the roles.

Jazz:

Exactly.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Maybe afterwards, if they think back on it.

Jazz:

Like vigilantism and the dead coming back to life is normal for them. They are focusing on the children right now thank you.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

And then they both come up with the excuse "I was just adding to lore, it was all pretend!"

Eros:

Not before this;

Damian: fine if you want to control our lives and children then we should just divorce!!

Jazz:

Danny: oh I’m controlling?!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Do they get Alfred to be the judge to oversee their divorce?

Jazz:

Danny: fine, our kids and pets will be happier with me anyways.

Damian: don’t you dare bring the pets into this.

Damian going to Bruce to use the Wayne lawyers for this imaginary family divorce.

He will win this.

Danny actually going to Vlad.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Vlad has been watching the whole time. He doesn't need to be brought up to speed.

Jazz:

Both of them are like, this is ridiculous. But on the other hand, my child actually asked for help from me for once.

Eros:

Hehehe

Danny uses Dani as an example of a child that is better off with him

Jazz:

Lol

Adonnenniel "Addy":

And Jazz even brings it up to Bruce that if Damian didn't get to play like this as a young kid, he might be making up for lost time, in his own intense way.

Eros:

Because that's what Danny is doing too

Jazz:

The absolute struggle both Bruce and Vlad go through on whether or not to actually do this and use up their lawyers, money, and resources.

The viral videos increase. 

Eros:

Danny getting frustrated enough that he is tempted to get Clockwork to be the judge

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Bruce gets his other kids involved? They play as Damian's lawyers?

Eros:

Yesz

Jazz:

Dick is having a blast.

Then Sam comes in for Danny’s defense.

Both Tucker, Tim, and Barbra (possibly Technis) get into a hacking war.

Eros:

Yesss!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yesss!

Jazz:

Cujo and Titus become best friends.

Eros:

Dani is still the example child

Jazz:

Tim is Damian’s example child.

Eros:

Peepaw Clockwork comes in a human form to judges

Jazz:

Alfred and Clockwork have tea.

And discuss their kids.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Tim: I'm older than you! How am I your example child?!

Dick: whispers Hey, he's including you without stabbing you. Take the win.

Eros:

Clockwork: I do hope they figure this all out before their legit kids are born~

Jazz:

Yesssss.

Eros:

Danny: finally stops, going into a blushing and betrayed look at Clockwork

Damian: who doesn't know Clockwork sees the future what on earth are you talking about, we barely are keeping together for the kids we do have!

Gestures to Tim and Dani

Jazz:

Tim: I’m. Older. Than you!

Damian. Then start acting like it.

Danny: (trying to recover) tsk tsk, how can you treat your son this way?

Damian: he’s adopted.

Eros:

Danny: and she's a clone, doesn't mean they can't be loved and cared for as their own persons!

Danny: to prove a point he hugs both Dani and Tim, trying to smoother them with love and acceptance

Jazz:

Tim just looks so done with life at the moment.

Eros:

Danny: plus our pets are adopted, yet you wouldn't love them any less

Jazz:

Critical hit.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Danny ends up adopting Tim by the end of this.

Jazz:

Lol

He wins Tim in the divorce.

Eros:

Lol

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yesss!

Eros:

Tim gets a new dad

Jazz:

Bruce doesn’t know how to feel about this.

Eros:

This one says "I love you" and is into Tim's science projects

Jazz:

Dani’s like new sibling. Tackle Hugs.

And Danny doesn’t restrict coffee intake. He’s just as bad.

Eros:

If anything he shows Tim a whole world of coffee mixes

Jazz:

Jazz though. Jazz is a bit of a problem with Coffee.

Tim and his new dad form an alliance.

Eros:

Danny takes Tim to Frostbite to get a new spleen

Jazz:

Danny: see? I provide free healthcare.

Eros:

Then proceeds to show off Tim: This is my boi, I won him!

All while Dani is giggling and clinging to their sides

Jazz:

Vlad is looking at Bruce very smugly.

Eros:

Danny would show Tim and Dani off at school after this

Like: behold, my children!

Jazz:

It becomes public that Wayne enterprise’s CEO is Tim Fenton.

Eros:

(and since I'm going with King Danny in this)

That means due to Danny winning and Tim becoming his kid, Tim Fenton is now the prince of the infinite realms along with his new sister Dani

Cass and Steph come back from a big trip once everything is over

Jazz:

They ask what happened. 

Jason gleefully explains that Bruce went to legal war with another billionaire over an imaginary family and ended up loosing Tim to them.

Also, that Damian might have a crush.

Eros:

Jazz:

Lol

Eros:

Because he just went through one of the best non injury fights of his life with this guy

Jazz:

And lost

Eros:

Yet they do agree on a fair bit of things, and now know where their main issues are and can work on them.

Jazz:

The entire world witness this entire thing and there are going to be shippers.

Eros:

Pft imagine the Justice League hearing about this~

Jazz:

Also just think, when they eventually do get together. That high school teacher is absolutely going to brag that it was their project that started this.

Jon might have a crisis on being replaced as Damian’s best friend. Someone explains the difference between boyfriend and normal friend and Jon’s like, ok that’s fine then.

Eros:

Oh man, when Jon finds out everything that had happened

Jon would tell Conner

Jazz:

Conner hears about the clone comment.

Now Conner wants to be adopted.

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Absolutely

Danny be pulling a Bruce

Or would Bruce be pulling a Danny?

Jazz:

Omg, I just realized. Bruce Wayne lost a Custody battle.

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Major L

Eros:

To a child

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Ain't Danny technically a god?

Eros:

Still child

Who would definitely adopt Conner

BuriedReign:

Omg this is like a whole ass fic already, it’s soooo goood! I absolutely bursted out laughing at the “we plan to live off Lazarus water”

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Just got caught up and all I have to say is: 😂😂😂

Btw, I love the idea that Tim isn't legally adopted to Danny (by ghost standards, yes, not by mortal law) but he just goes with Danny cuz he's so done with his family.

Eros:

>:3

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Dani, Tim, Conner. Do we throw in reformed, de-aged Dan for shits and giggles?

Eros:

Pfft yess

And Damian only finds out about Dan after the divorce

This re sparks everything into a new battle~

Eros:

Damian is offended that Danny never told him about their other son Dan

Adonnenniel "Addy":

He wants visitation rights!

Eros:

Damian wants to win Dan, like how Danny won Tim

Adonnenniel "Addy":

That makes more sense

Eros:

Damian goes up to Dan and offers access to all sort of weapons, training/fights, being a heir to a different Kingdom, and possibly be ungrounded if he takes Damian's side in the new Custody battle

The Angst Queen:

When you catch up and burst out laughing

Also - I wanna add something

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Add, please!

The Angst Queen:

Damian would definitely pull a sword at some point - decide to attack and “miss” every time. He does not expect Danny to suddenly have an ice sword in hand. Do then they’re both going at it in a sword fight while still arguing about diaper brands

Damian - so then I attack him 

Dick - WHAT!?!? 

Damian - I know! He didn’t even have the decency to die! He pulled out his own sword! 

Dick in shock whispers - what

Damian - and he still refuses to consider Huggies! Insists on natural diapers!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Lol

Eros:

Like when the arguments get too much they start sword fighting like the Adam's family

It's how they discuss things and keep up reaction times for both brain and body

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Do they fight in school or at the manor?

Eros:

School, just to add more to the soap opera drama

And for the bats to keep missing the live actions of it

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yes!

Eros:

Except Babs but that's obvious to know why

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Their sword fights go all around the school, interrupting other classes. The security guards or other teachers try to stop them but Danny'll just pull them into the argument. 

Teacher: walking up to them, trying to grab the swords Now, boys, this must stop!

Danny: leaps up onto a desk, put his arm around the teacher's neck as he's still fighting Damian Hey, you look like a reasonable man. Tell me, why would you ever want to buy a waste product all for brand recognition and not cut down waste and get reusable diapers?

Teacher: That's a very leading question and calls on a few logical fallacies-

Danny: shoves the teacher away as Damian leaps for an attack

Eros:

And this is where Damian's crush really began

It's one thing to argue and have different trains of thought

It's another to have someone actually just as skilled as you in the battle of the sword and the mind

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yeeees!

Eros:

Danny: Hopefully the castle is big enough for everyone

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Tim: You have a castle!? O_O

Conner: You have a castle!? : D

Danny: Yep!  Oh, and you two are now royalty!  Don't worry, you won't have to do anything unless you want to.

Eros:

I wonder if Tim rubs it in his other semi siblings faces

Like Steph, Jason, and Damian's faces in particular

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Does Tim take a pic of everything in the realms?

Eros:

Yes

Bruce Kal-el” Wayne:

Or try to

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Tim especially rubs being royalty in Damian's face.  He knows he should be better but damnit, Damian was/is all high and mighty about being the heir to the League of Assassins and Bruce's biological child - he stabbed Tim over it!  Tim gets to gloat a bit that he technically outranks Damian now!

BuriedReign:

Does this increase Damian’s crush on Danny? Damian tries to ask out Danny and makes it ‘rational’ by saying of course he needs to be higher ranked than Tim. While also trying to hide that isn’t the only reason why he wants to date Danny

Eros:

(make Damian unintentionally ghost speak which reveals his true emotions and reasons as to why he wants to date Danny)

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Damian: I want to date him for no other reason than to one-up my once brother.  That's it.  Nothing else involved here.  Just pure revenge.  I will not let Tim outrank me in this life or the next.

Jason: Uh-huh. flipping to the next page of Pride and Prejudice  Have fun on your denial date.

Omg, imagine Damian formally asking Danny out on a date!

And Danny's like, despite the divorce, I want to give us another shot.

Eros:

And the plot THICKENS

That's everyone's reactions 😁

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yes!

Eros:

Where would they even go on a date?

Ooo what if they went to the museum

Or an art gallery

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Or a date to the literal moon

Eros:

I don't think Damian would survive that well

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Ecto shield giving an artificial atmosphere

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Damian would take Danny to a museum or art gallery.

Danny will chose the next date and take him to the moon.

Eros:

Then definitely the museum should be like the Glenbow Museum

This is just inside the front entrance

It's called the aurora borealis

Because they make the crystals actually glow different colors

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Ooooooh!

Yes!

Eros:

This is a full on walk through section where you learn about the stars and First Nations

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Holy shit, now I want to go to the Glenbow Museum.

Eros:

Art pieces, and they also have a section for mid evil times and even mini battle fields

The Angst Queen:

Side note - I bet Danny makes Damian work to get that date

Eros:

Definitely

[matan4il]

THISTHISTHIS!!!

Like, I personally don't consider myself a "Zionist" in the modern sense. I have several disputes with the secular Herzli-esque Zionist movement (both political and theological), but I certainly wouldn't consider myself an anti-Zionist. I have a lot of respect for much of what the Tzionim have accomplished for the sake of Jews, and for Israel, even if we might disagree over correct methods and motivations.

And I definitely associate myself with the traditional Zion-loving Jewish beliefs (what you called the "Zionist nature of Judaism"). Of course I do. These are core tenants of Judaism that have been around since the days of Avraham, and they're so central that I don't really understand how any Jew couldn't believe them. Wherever in the world we might reside, the piece of land now known as Israel has always been Home.

 אם אשכחך ירושלים תשכח ימיני

Hi, lovely to meet you! ^u^

I wanna reinforce your last paragraph SO MUCH. Judaism is so fundamentally tied to the Land of Israel, to Jews loving it, to sanctifying our bond with this place, and I have always felt exactly that: when I'm abroad, I'm never quite at peace, not until I'm back on Israel's soil, and have that sense of I'm home. And it always makes me so happy whenever I hear from non-Israeli Jews, that they feel something similar when they come to visit Israel. It's what I believe all native people feel when they get to experience standing on their ancestral land, whether they live there or not. It's something that allows us to feel connected, not just to the earth beneath our feet, but also to our ancestors who lived here, and to generations upon generations of our people who yearned to return here.

As for the modern political movement that is Zionism, maybe I'll just mention my personal story. I was born in Communist Romania, at a time when the financial situation was incredibly dire, food was rationed, and generally speaking, the regime had control over everything. Its power over the citizens was limitless, and quite a few people who were a part of this regime, were antisemitic. They used that limitless power to persecute Jews, even as Communism supposedly vowed all its citizens would be treated equally. Some of what was done to my family was actually described by my great uncle, Norman Manea, in his memoir, The Hooligan's Return. My life was in danger at one point. At the time, no citizen of a communist country could leave for a western one, which Israel was. Jews could be jailed for simply expressing the desire to leave for Israel (officially recognized here as "prisoners of Zion"). But in Romania, there was a unique agreement achieved thanks to the chief rabbi of Romanian Jews at the time, Rabbi Rosen (who my grandfather and his brother worked with, so he was also the rabbi who married my parents). Israel paid Communist Romania for every Jew allowed to make aliyah. IDK how much Israel had to pay for my parents, for my grandparents, and for baby me, but I know Romania demanded a higher price for people with higher education, which all of the adults in my family had. Most importantly, being brought to Israel, and getting here proper medical and nutritional care after the regime's antisemitic abuse, saved my life. I celebrate my aliyah day every year as my second birthday, because I got a second chance at life on that day.

And at the end of the day, that's what informs my personal view of Zionism, this personal experience. It leads me to feel that if Zionism saved even one Jewish person, it's the right thing to support it. And Zionism actually saved so many more than that, Jews and non-Jews. It still is! We don't talk about it enough, but when Assad regime in Syria butchered its citizens during the Civil War there, Israel got the last of the Syrian Jews out. When the war between Ukraine and Russia broke out, Israel helped to get out Jews from the war zones in Ukraine, as well as Israeli non-Jews (and even a few Arab friends, including from enemy countries, of Israeli Arabs, who the latter asked for Israel to save), as well as the families of Ukrainian Righteous Among the Nations (non-Jews who risked themselves to save Jewish people during the Holocaust). And when the Houthis, the Yemenite terrorist group funded by Iran, endangered Jews in Yemen, Israel got them out.

No political movement is without fault, obviously. But I think all of the above makes Zionism worthy of support. At least mine.

You said, "These are core tenants of Judaism that have been around since the days of Avraham, and they're so central that I don't really understand how any Jew couldn't believe them."

I agree so much! To remove the many Zionist elements of Judaism, right down to its holy language being Hebrew, which is tied to Israel, is to distort it so much, that it's no longer Judaism.

Whenever I come across an anti-Zionist Jew, I try to keep in mind the following things:

They might be pretending to be Jewish. I've seen more than one anti-Zionist online, claiming they can't be antisemitic, because they're Jewish themselves. Beyond the fact that as a statement, that's NOT true (someone can be gay with internalized homophobia, a woman with internalized misogyny, and in the same way, a Jew who has internalized an antisemitic narrative), it turned out in some cases, it was also factually untrue, as the person was eventually exposed as lying about being Jewish.

This phenomenon has also made it into the news at least twice relatively recently, once when high profile anti-Zionist "Jews" from Germany were exposed as non-Jews.

Another is connected to the Twitter account of "Jewish Voice for Peace," an organization that, despite its title, doesn't actually require its members to be Jewish, but uses its title to present itself as a Jewish organization.

A member who operates the Twitter account of JVP accidentally tweeted from his personal account, and so ended up exposing himself as a Muslim tweeting, "As Jews..."

2. Those who actually are anti-Zionist Jews often turn out to be very disconnected from their Jewish identity, except in order to use it to lend their anti-Zionist statements "more weight." (as if a gay man's homophobia should be listened to more, or be more acceptable, just because it's not homophobia coming from a straight person) A really funny example is Ariel Gold, who keeps trying to flaunt her "Judaism" as meaningful to her identity, but in doing so, keeps accidentally exposing how ignorant she is regarding some really basic Jewish concepts. Like that time she was in Iran, and gushed over a picture she took of a menorah... except she didn't know that a menorah wouldn't have 19 branches. She was just gushing over a random, Iranian candelabra.

3. And then to some anti-Zionist Jews, their Jewish identity does matter, but... the sad thing is, they're either very ignorant over what it entails (so they buy into the antisemitic anti-Zionist narrative without knowing better), or they just don't feel they personally need Israel, so they have no issue being anti-Zionists, to be "good Jews." In this context, I always think about this documentary I saw called "Gay Republicans," where they interviewed an openly gay man, living with his boyfriend, who didn't wanna be a dad himself, so he had no issue insisting that gay people shouldn't be allowed to become parents. I guess some fellow straight republicans would say he's a "good gay."

There's probably more to be said about this, but I think this kind of covers a big part of the people I've come across online. But here's the thing: I believe in the value of Jewish solidarity, I know how many Holocaust survivors talked about how that's what saved them back then, and I am gonna stand by that value, and care so much about the safety and well being of groups 2 and 3, even if they don't give a shit about mine.

Take care, and feel free to write me again, if you feel like chatting some more on this. Chag Sameach and Am Yisrael Chai! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[pikachu78109]

More Modern!TCODC Headcanons because I’m bored :p

((I don’t have a list for each character; it’s all kind of random. Let me know if y’all are interested in some modern day AU Caligari Ask Blog if you wanna see these dudes in a modern interpretation))

Jane, Francis, and Alan get together for a Friday movie night and is always held at Francis and Alan’s apartment. Francis goes out and gets snacks while Alan cozies up the living room. These three tend to bicker about what genre to watch (Francis like both action and horror, Alan is a romcom fella, and Jane adores historical dramas). They end up playing rock-paper-scissors to decide. Francis tends to hog the popcorn bowl whereas Alan and Jane tend to nitpick on the film’s writing (they both have the writer’s eye), much to Francis’ annoyance.

Jane lives in the dormitory at the college she attends. Occupies it herself and it’s decked out with various posters from plays, musicals, and other theatrical productions. Has quite the plushie collection and keeps most of her manga/novels/writing journals on her desk or crammed into her college shelves.

Jane is not that organized but she can easily find things without trouble.

Francis and Alan live off campus and commute to classes.

Cesare doesn’t attend college due to his condition and because his guardians, Caligari and that other young doctor from the film, has him do stuff such as community work or exercises to improve his health (mental and physical).

Caligari has his own reasons for parading Cesare around, usually to fuel his notoriety and ego as a doctor. Gets jealous very easily and commands Cesare to either sabotage or “take out” his competition.

The other doctor, whom I’m gonna call Mathias, cares about Cesare’s health and worries a good deal about him. Wants him to interact with people and encourages Cesare to make friends, such as Jane. Caligari HEAVILY disapproves of this.

Mathias tends to let Cesare have a bit more freedom and allows him to go out and do things on his own, y’know, building up independence while Caligari isn’t present.

Jane and Cesare are pretty good friends, though people often mistake them as a couple. Both of them shut that down immediately.

I imagine Cesare’s demeanor that of Cinnamoroll from Hello Kitty when around Jane: sweet, shy, helpful, and overall kind. Jane is a blend of My Melody and Pompompurin.

Francis and Cesare do not get along. Francis thinks Cesare is a love rival and Cesare keeps getting annoyed by this. Their common greeting is a middle finger. Alan gets on fine with Cesare, though is admittedly intimidated by him.

Whenever Caligari and Mathias aren’t around in the evenings, Cesare sneaks out and wanders around the neighborhood in the dark, wearing his headphones and listens to music. He might not own a phone, but he has a CD player and owns a couple of CD’s that Jane has given to him with songs she picked out for him to listen to. Cesare likes to go to the park and sit on the swings and just…zone out.

Dr. Olsen and Caligari do not get along. They don’t tend to see things eye to eye and have had hour long debates which resulted in a few fists being swung.

Alan may be soft spoken, but the boy can SPIT. Try him at slam poetry and you’ll be surprised.

Adding on to being soft-spoken, Alan has a Podcast where he narrates bedtime stories and conspiracy theories about nonsense in a calming delivery. Has a good following.

Francis gets up at ungodly hours and goes on runs. He sometimes bumps into Cesare and these two will just stare at each other like two alley cats.

Cesare has a sensitive stomach, so he can’t eat anything high sugar, anything caffeinated, contain high amounts of sodium, etc. He’s kept on a nutrition plan that Caligari constructed himself.

Gonna say it: Caligari is an almond parent.

Cesare has gotten a couple of admirers, though he’s oblivious to it.

To be honest, Cesare is scared of romance altogether. Like, out of all the people in this universe, why him?

Unlike Francis and Alan, Jane doesn’t have a job. Where Francis works part-time in retail and Alan at a café, Jane does editing work on commission. Her parents send her money once a month to help with tuition, but Jane wants to earn money by utilizing her writing skills in her little freelance business.

Cesare usually lingers at the local psych ward with other patients. He’s typically with Marlene (the woman who was “playing” the piano) and Claudia (woman with the doll) as they are the calmest patients there. Cesare doesn’t stay at the ward; he goes home with either Caligari or Mathias (usually with Caligari, poor guy).

On rare occasions, Francis, Alan, Jane, and Cesare meet up and do stuff as a group whether it’s hanging out at the park, or at a nearby café, or just casually walking around.

[peachymilkandcream]

OH MY GOD I LOVE YOUR WORK SM. Ism curious about the royal Au with Evelyn’s pregnancy term and childbirth like how would Levi react. Also how would she feel watching her child from a distance?

Kingdom of Ash And Greed Pregnancy Headcanons

(A/N: AW!! Thank you so much for the kind words! As I said before I was on a business trip so I let this sit a little, sorry about that! I decided headcanons were the best route for this particular request. I think it just fit better. But thank you for the request and I hope you enjoy!)

WARNINGS: noncon/dubcon, big age difference, kidnapping, slavery, violence, power imbalance, implied somnophilia, forced pregnancies, mind breaking, yandere behaviour, yandere themes, forced exhibitionism, etc.

================================================

Pregnancy:

Levi is going to be overjoyed at the fact that his little slave is pregnant. At his older age, his kingdom often worries if there will be an heir before the king passes.

Everything is the utmost and best care available. As the king he has access to everything, and therefore his unborn child is cared for with the best medicine and nutrition.

Evelyn is taken care of better. She is now the mother of the future king, no unnecessary stress should be put on her. All of the servants and even Levi himself treat her with slight respect. Enough that she can feel confident in the fact that the only way to rise above a mere hunk of flesh is to continue to have the King's children.

Childbirth:

Same with the pregnancy, Evelyn is given the utmost care. Levi employs a dozen midwives to ensure that everything goes smoothly and at least the child is saved.

He is slightly nervous, simply because if the child dies then he'll be back at square one. Evelyn's wellbeing is secondary, he would prefer she lived and gave him more children. But if she died it would be just a part of life.

Due to his station and propriety, Levi isn't in the room when Evelyn gives birth. She does it alone, with no one familiar to comfort her in the scariest moment of her life. He prefers it that way. Letting her know just how few friends and allies she has.

The moment the child is cleaned and assessed, it's given over to Levi. Evelyn doesn't get to hold the child until it wails to be fed. Despite spending hours pushing the thing out, Evelyn's bond with the child is irrelevant. This is the King's son, not hers.

Watching the Child Grow:

Evelyn is heartbroken watching her child grow up oblivious to the tyrant his father is. Ever since infancy her son has known of the great strength and wealth of his father Levi. But never his cruelty.

Thankfully, Evelyn is allowed to be near him, not too close to form a treacherous bond, but close enough the child doesn't grow up stunted. That would never do.

Levi is a firm believer that a child needs both parents to grow into a capable man. The unknown of his father and passing of his own mother at a young age had certainly hindered him in areas. Levi believed that had he grown up with the both of them then he could have accomplished much more by now with that parental guidance.

Threatening Evelyn with taking the boy away should she defy her master was enough to keep her in line. She would do whatever it took to keep her baby in her life. Even if it meant swallowing her pride and Levi's cum.

[julianobungus]

I suddenly noticed that Simon in a hoodie is paler than Kid Simon. At first I thought that the thing was that he had been on the Train for many years and had not received vitamin D from the sun. After all, technically everything inside the cars is not real, but is created with the help of those large spheres.

But then I compared Hoodie Simon to Ruler Simon. Ruler Simon has a healthy skin color, it's the same as Kid Simon. After that, I decided to compare Simon's skin tone with the skin tones of other white people from the show. And now I can't get rid of the thought that Hoodie Simon's skin looks yellowish.

Is it possible that he has health problems? He lived for many years without the care of an adult, Grace was the same child as him, they could eat whatever they wanted and not think about proper nutrition. It's possible that other members of Apex have something similar, it's just not so noticeable since they got on the Train relatively recently compared to Simon and Grace

I think that in AU, where Simon would have got off the train, he would have had to drink vitamins and various medications, and perhaps the doctors would have noticed some problems that he did not pay attention to, considering them the norm for his age.

Oh, and as we discussed earlier, he would be friends with Jesse. Jesse would make sure that he took all the medications in time. Simon would love to talk to him on various topics, because only to him he could tell everything about his problems and not be considered crazy at the same time

But I do not know which option is better. There are two options, in one Simon is in a hospital, in the other Simon lives with his parents. In both versions, Jesse visits him and they often call each other. Simon can call him late at night because he had a terrible dream about the Train.

But there is a third option, where Simon lives with Jesse and Lake's family. Simon's parents asked Jesse's parents to take care of their son, and they pay them money so they don't spend their money on Simon. So Jesse's parents are not against having Simon, and they also feel sorry for this boy, because thanks to Jesse and Lake, they know what kind of train affected Simon so much

Lake is nervous by Simon's presence in the same house with her, and Jesse understands her and does not ask for help. But Simon constantly apologizes for everything and to everyone, he feels uncomfortable in front of those who have to put up with him. And Simon constantly offers his help.

Lake eventually gets bored of it and she tells Simon that since he was able to free himself, Grace will be able to do it too, and he'd better look appropriate by the time she does.

And, oddly enough, it helps. And Simon begins to prepare for the day when he sees Grace again. He will have to show that he has changed and become better! As a result, Lake begins to help him with the idea "The sooner he recovers, the sooner he will move out of here," but Simon will not recover so easily from a decade on the Train. As a result, Lake will realize that she can't be mad at Simon, even if she really wants to. Damn, she even encourages him that Grace will definitely like how he's changed.

Jesse's parents are thinking what they will do if Grace and the other members of Apex really get off the Train. Their house will turn into a Hospital for Victims of the Infinity Train. They both hope that only Grace, who has been on the Train for almost as long as Simon, will get to them, and the rest of the children will return to their parents.

But they also joke that they agree to everything if the parents of all the children pay for them to rebuild the house to fit all the children.

(Initially, when I saw how big the question was, I was thinking of dividing it into two parts. The first part was about Simon's unhealthy condition and the second part was about the AU where Simon got off the Train. Then I changed my mind, because the part about AU without the part about the unhealthy state does not look very good)

Oooh, I really like these ideas! I love this AU, fr

First of all, I like thinking about characters I like getting some form of comfort - being at their lowest point before being nursed back to help. It's so therapeutic in a way that's hard to pinpoint. It's so comfy and soothing to me. But also, Simon having health problems would make sense, honestly same with Grace. Both are physically fit due to all the exercise they get, but I imagine they still have inconsistent diets and spending all their time under the artificial sunlight of the train cars would have to do nothing for you.

Secondly, I like how both Lake and Simon go through a bit of character development in this AU; Lake learning to not see Simon as a burden and to relinquish her resentment towards him, and Simon becoming more confident and self-assured despite what he's going through.

Also, all three scenarios are viable, I can't decide which one is best myself. But I will concede that Simon being roommates with the Cosays is a fun one!

Did I mention I love this?

[sacrilegious-skeletal-scribe]

the average nutritional value of road salt and the inside of a 9 millimeter casing

i have a secret

i have a secret and i’ve never managed to look my father in the eye while admitting it

and i’d rather spit in your face than tell it to you in confidence

the kind of secret you drag bodily into your grave and hope your stomach buries before the dirt gets that far

i have a secret i’d rather die than tell you and you’re about to figure it out

two and two make four, you can do this slugger

and there is glass in my fingers and slush warming itself on my ankles

and you're staring me down with shaking fingers

and between the two of us i’m pretty sure you’d vomit first if i smiled with my whole mouth

and you’re still just fucking standing there with my life in your hands like it was hard to grab

(i’m wondering idly if there’s enough money in my wallet to palm to you)

(enough to ask you to pull the trigger wavering between my right eye and collarbone)

(the odds of it hitting somewhere solid enough to kill me fast)

(the potential energy of a prayer so i can die, godless but quickly)

(god let me die quickly. god please turn the knife from somewhere i won’t see it coming)

there are spots in my memory like cheap film reel and there’s blood on the ground between us

and i can’t remember whose it is

there’s a copper smell in my mouth and ringing in my ears and i think that might be real

but there’s this look on your face like i bit your mother, or maybe just you

and there’s blood all over the fucking place 

and despite who’s holding the gun i don’t think it’s mine

streetlights are creeping down the alleyway like overbearing parents and they’re glinting roughly off every surface they can reach

yellow-white fuzz growing off windows and chainlink fences and a tire well

i can see the back half of a car around your wobbling knees

some old tanker halfway up the sidewalk and throughly in the mouth of the alleyway

i think i'm blacking out and i am so fucking scared i am about to miss my own death and

(i can’t stop staring at the grey-green car)

(paint glittering like soft chalk, somewhere between colors and my legs twinge underneath me)

(cramped and clawing and aching softly, the body willing the spirit to stir, to rise)

(to cross pavement like a dead man, to stumble, upwards and over)

(to rap a line of knuckles against the window, to see if it would break, if anyone is still sitting inside)

(if anyone is about to hear a murder from all the distance of two-hundred feet and a corner office)

(i can’t pull my gaze away, even as the muzzle flashes with the streetlamp mold)

(black then grey than white-gold and gone, sunk into the sea of dark static that surges when i turn my head that far)

(i haven’t been able to see out of my right eye for a couple of minutes now)

it’s not snowing

it’s not snowing anymore

i don’t know why it matters

why relief lives in a clear, starless sky waving down at a blood-smeared alleyway

where my knees hurt and my teeth hurt and i am not in any pain that is going to mean anything

i don’t know how much of me is mixed in with the grime and the slush and the gravel and i’m starting to suspect it doesn’t matter

because i’m pretty sure i’m gonna die here regardless

because it’s skin to cold to nothing, because i cannot feel my mouth 

enough of my throat left to know i am not speaking aloud

enough of me left to shiver and ache and watch you from somewhere on the ground

even as the wind tugs hair loose from the smear of blood spilling into your eyes

as mine sting and blister under the care of spilt ends and a breeze made of glass

and i’m starting to think the glass isn’t real

(It’s shredding my mouth and melting in my throat)

(cool and thin and lukewarm while it pools in my stomach)

(a faint whistle from the mouth of the alleyway, deadened in this brick maw of service doors)

(i am half dead and slack jawed and overwhelmingly grateful)

(because from this angle i can slide my gaze far enough over to meet yours)

and i much prefer the version of this encounter

where you are gifted the view of my death

and not just the view of you killing me

[mollywog]

What do you think about the way character appearance being portrayed or narrated in THG novels?

What's your opinion about THG movies casting? Especially Katniss' and The Seam residents casting?

Is it important that Seam and Merchant residents of District 12 have different appearance in the screen? Yes/No? Why?

What do you think about division /dynamics between Seam and Merchants in District 12?

Thank you :)

@curiousnonny

In the books, societal inequality is a theme.

The movies did alright job of showing that with the Capital Citizens vs the District citizens, but here’s the thing: the book’s description of The Merchants vs Seam divide in District 12 show that prejudice existed everyday even within the districts. And it was went beyond garish clothing, body art, and wigs.

Seam Resident Appearances:

Katniss, Gale, and Most of the families from the mines

I watch as Gale pulls out his knife and slices the bread. He could be my brother. Straight black hair, olive skin, we even have the same gray eyes. But we're not related, at least not closely. Most of the families who work the mines resemble one another this way.

She reiterated the idea of ‘the Seam look’

The woman, Seeder, looks almost like she could be from the Seam, with her olive skin and straight black hair streaked with silver. Only her golden brown eyes mark her as from another district.

As small a difference as eye color is, this would make a person seem out of place in the Seam

District 12 Tributes from the 73rd games

The pair last year were two kids from the Seam who’d never, not one day of their lives, had enough to eat.

In summary: the Seam residents are thin from lack of proper nutrition with straight dark hair, olive skin, and gray eyes.

Merchant Appearances:

Prim and Mrs. Everdeen

That’s why my mother and Prim, with their light hair and blue eyes, always look out of place. They are. My mother’s parents were part of the small merchant class that caters to officials, Peacekeepers, and the occasional Seam customer.

Peeta

I watch him as he makes his way toward the stage. Medium height, stocky build, ashy blond hair that falls in waves over his forehead. The shock of the moment is registering on his face, you can see his struggle to remain emotionless, but his blue eyes show the alarm I’ve seen so often in prey. Yet he climbs steadily onto the stage and takes his place.

Maysilee, Madge’s mother, and Katniss’s Mother

“Oh!” I say. “She was my mother’s friend.” The camera finds her in the crowd, clinging to two other girls. All blond. All definitely merchants’ kids.

Day-to-Day Prejudice

Even though Katniss and Prim are sisters and both from the Seam, they are treated differently by the District citizens

Katniss:

Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don’t expect it because I don’t think of District 12 as a place that cares about me. But a shift has occurred since I stepped up to take Prim’s place, and now it seems I have become someone precious.

Prim:

People deal with me, but they are genuinely fond of Prim. Maybe there will be enough fondness to keep her alive.

In the book the physical appearance was important to the narrative as it further illustrated the social divide.

The movie

Just did not capture that

Aside from the actors not matching the books’s descriptions, they missed the mark on casting in other ways as well. For a series titled the Hunger Games: food and hunger was rarely addressed. Neither were the economic differences between Seam and Merchant. The mechanics of tesserae weren’t addressed.

It’s disappointing but not surprising.

Thanks for the ask @curiousnonny!

[justadudetryingtobeahero]

“Are you guys ready?”

“Huh? Ready for what?”

“To save the fucking world. One person at a time.”

I used to be the guy that said shit like this all the time at work. Reminding people that we get to work, we don’t have to. Self love was the woven into everything I did because I found it to be the most useful philosophy propelling me to where I wanted to go — feeling free, doing what I wanted everyday, plenty of time for self care, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I did massage therapy at the top clinic in SF, but subtly integrated coaching around nutrition, mindset, sleep, and movement into everybody I worked with.

Then COVID happens. The clinic closes and my first thought it, ‘Fuck yeah, the world is forcing me to do what I’ve always dreamed of, switching my practice to be fully remote so I can travel and surf and teach people all over the world all the stuff I’ve learned over the past decade helping people get out of pain.’

But first, I deserve a little break. I’ve been grinding hard for a solid 2 years. I can chill on unemployment for a bit and move in with my parents in SD while I build my new business. This fucking voice in my head destroyed me, literally.

I was no stranger to self sabotage, it was probably the only consistent trend through my life, creating an awesome life for myself and then finding a a way to blow it all up and start over.

I ended up “chilling” for 3 years. Draining all my savings. Letting all my self discipline fade into nothingness — no more workouts, no more meditating, no more cold showers, no more cooking healthy meals, no more working. Depressed as fuck, crippling social anxiety to the point where seeing my closest friends was terrifying — imagining how I’d answer the question “How are you?” felt exhausting. I’d either have to lie and put on a fake ass smile saying “Good dude, how are you?” Or I’d have to be honest and describe the dumpster fire of a life that I’d fallen into.

I felt useless, trapped, hopeless, and couldn’t see a way out. The only thing that seemed to make any sense was to end it all. The thought of an endless silence… fuck it sounded so nice that i found myself living in that silent, peaceful fantasy for weeks. So I start googling and it turns out google actually does a really good job of bombarding you with resources and stories designed to help get you out of the darkness when you search for anything related to practical suicide methods.

Something deep inside of me forces myself to read a few. Bullshit, bullshit, bullsh… god damnit. One finally hits. Something about neurology and mental loops we get trapped in, but have the power to get out of by focusing on something else. It gives me a flash of my old life, of the shit I used to tell people. I decide to fight the darkness the only way I can think, just hit a workout, unleash all this pent up sadness and anger and shame on the pull up bar.

5?!?! That’s all this useless fucking body can muster right now?! Fuck that. I can obsess over getting strong again. Another phrase i used to say comes to mind, “Getting back into working out is great. Sure you’re weak, but it takes barely any time at all to get a great training session in.”

Out comes the training journal. Buried in my closet in a box of my old stuff. I flip through it and look at my workouts from years ago, from when I was in peak form. More anger at myself starts brewing for letting my body slip into this weakened, soft state. Give it to this workout. Start over. You know the way.

A path emerges in my mind. Just get back in shape. One workout at a time. One meal at a time. One good night’s sleep at a time. One fucking day at a time, I will forge this meat suit into hardened steel again.

Deep down I know these thoughts aren’t the way to sustainable happiness, but it’s all I feel capable of right now, and I’ll take it.

The thing I learned to love about health is that when you fully commit to optimizing any facet of your own health, be it physical, mental, or emotional, the steps required to push it over the top bleed into every other facet to some degree. Like if you’re trying to get in shape and you want to do everything you can to get there, sure you must workout, but you also have to eat well, get good sleep, take care of yourself mentally so you don’t burn out etc. So all it really takes is that initial commitment, some form of burning desire (unfortunately it’s usually some form of intense suffering) that causes a shift inside yourself inducing a newfound commitment to growing in some way — in anyway, and soon enough everything is going to be trending upward, blasting the fuck off.

Just commit, we deserve it.

Somewhere I heard that the root of commitment was that you were chopping off all other possibilities, so the only way forward is whatever you’ve committed too. Regardless of the truth in it, I fucking love that. No other options make it stupidly simple.

A few months go by. We’re working out again. Meditating. Eating well. Starting everyday with water, sunlight, and movement. It doesn’t stick like it used to though. Everyday becomes a battle to the death between that god damn voice telling me it’s not worth it, to just chill, and my will to ignore it, to fight, to chop off all other options save the one that I know will move me forward.

A year goes by and I’m worn down. Exhausted again.

Why is this so hard. I remember it being easier this deep into the practices. I remember these habits becoming self perpetuating at this point.

Enter the final catalyst.

A beautiful woman, a devious minx, freshly out of long term relationship. Immediate, intense physical chemistry. I’ve been on this ride before. Time to strap in and prepare for take off. I know there’s a time bomb somewhere on this bitch, but I’ll find it, disarm it, and we’ll fly this ship into the stars.

Lmao. Silly hopeless romantic. All rocket ships blow up.

But why?

When I finally started hearing the detonation timer ticking down, frantically searching for my parachute, what I found was the final piece of the puzzle. It had literally been sitting right in front of me for years.

The mountains call to me. I decide to hit a solo backpacking trip. Pack my shit, unknowingly throw the last puzzle piece into my bag — an unread book that had been collecting dust for 5 years. Social media used to bombard me with all things self love and I used to listen, so why would I need to read a book titled, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It?

Mountain climbed. Hammock setup next to jaw dropping alpine lake with snow capped peaks in behind it. The book gets cracked open, along with my soul, expecting nothing, and yet finding everything, again.

It felt like how I would imagine an eagle suddenly, immediately remembering how to fly would feel.

Of fucking course.

The deeper why beneath it all.

Love.

For myself.

6 hours of cycling between reading, crying, laughing, smiling, self love meditations, and experiencing the most intense feelings of gratitude I’ve ever felt, for Kamal fucking Ravikant.

This beautiful, courageous, vulnerable human hits me with a gripping, relatable story of his past, a practical solution to our problematic themes of the past, and finally a post-script that is the hardest hitting “It’s okay, we all fuck up and will continue to” metaphor of all time.

So here we are, two weeks later, magic dripping back into my life, habits starting to flow again.

There are still battles everyday, but I now remember to fight them with love and gentleness towards myself.

And you know what?

It’s getting a little easier everyday.

It gets harder sometimes too. When mental patterns of the past start losing their power, they elicit powerful responses to try to take it back.

But re-digging the mental groove of self love is starting to let life flow again. Flashes of effortlessness and deep feelings of knowing that this is the way, contain enough fuel to blast off this solo ship into the stars.

Hammering in healthy habits is great, useful, but searching in external sources for love and validation that is readily available within ourselves is a sure fire way to make life feel like an endless fight to the death, and eventually explode.

We got this.

[friendrat]

HUZZAH I CAN ASK YOU THINGS NOW!

So so so so so — you said you had two or three D&D campaigns that lasted for a while. What were those, and what characters did you play in them?

Also, do you have a favorite D&D character who you either have never gotten to play or only got to play for a very short amount of time?

My first long running character was a 5e Tiefling Sorcerer who worshiped Bahamut. Her name was Friendrat (😆), and she drew some vague backstory information from her true namesake (ie that she was an advisor). She and her group lived in a post apocalyptic wasteland where there were shortages on food, water, shelter, and pretty much everything. People were generally untrusting of outsiders and slave trade was rampant. Her best friend was an elderly monk named Mouse (this was not planned at all, random coincidence), and they dubbed themselves Team Rodent and had a team rocket parody motto. Her backstory isn't anything she's proud of. She used to be an advisor to a gang leader named Joe. His gang was a big leader in the prostitution and human trafficking industry. She was to an extent an advocate for the girls, in that she advised Joe to give the girls better treatment, such as medical care, nutrition, and better living conditions. Somehow she also came to know a bit about the underground railroad of sorts that helped the girls escape, but her involvement in that never really got defined. Anyway, she was a pretty important figure in the gang, basically second in command, until a new Joe took over (the name functioned as a title rather than a given name, whoever was in charge was Joe). This Joe didn't think women should be in positions of power, so he gave her the ultimatum that she could be his private girl, or she could join the rest. She left that night, and never stopped running since. At some point she started worshiping Bahamut, and tried to make up for her part in the trafficking. That campaign kinda fizzled due to a player stepping away right when he was about to be important. We got to see a flashforward though in my second character's campaign after an interdimensional crossover. It may start again someday, but who knows.

My second character was a 5e Half Elf Bard/Druid named Eanrin (I was needing Goldstone Woods closure, ok? 😆). His story didn't get a happy ending though. We weren't good at following instructions in that campaign. It was supposed to be like 5 sessions long, and we were meant to kill a lich. We got hung up on the fact that the lich would come back if we didn't destroy the phylactory as well, and we spent so much time worrying about that that we ran the campaign for over a year, and in game accidentally let the lich win the war. Eanrin never got to confess to his true love because she got bodyswapped with the lich and then murdered. The campaign ultimately ended by the lich dying in a random accident, and an emissary of the Raven Queen telling us all off, and taking one of the companions as payment for our failure. Although two of us were still contractually bound to her or something... I don't remember for sure. We were alive and she expected better from us in the future. Some room for a sequel. It was bittersweet (more bitter than sweet), still a fun campaign though. We learned sometimes you shouldn't overthink the plot... not exactly the closure I was looking for, obviously.

My third character is in an active campaign. She is a 4e Maubashri (homebrew cat race) Fighter named Acara. Acara is fiercely loyal, and has a sense of wonder and curiosity. She dual wields short swords and has been known to scale houses mid battle to fight opponents on the roof. Before she was born her parents were attacked and her father, a healer, was killed. Her mother, pregnant at the time, was the only survivor of the attack, because she was saved by a gold dragon. When Acara was born she was a black panther like her mother, but her undercoat was a unique shining gold. Eventually she set out from home in search of the dragon to thank him for saving her life, and a part of her also hoped to find the people responsible for her father's death to bring them to justice. Thusly far she hasn't succeeded in either. Her travels led her to a town trapped in a strange fog, and plagued by a mysterious killer known as Slasher Jack, who has been attacking "working girls" and removing their organs for unknown purposes. Upon arrival in town Acara stumbled across one of his victims, but the effects of the fog played with her mind and caused her to see the body of her mother (this DM is bound and determined to give Acara unending trauma...). Anyway for some unexplained reason, Jack became obsessed with Acara (not sure why, she doesn't fit his pattern), and after our failed attempt to defeat him, he left town, and left some creepy love note for Acara saying how they would be together again and he would take her apart then (like I said... unending trauma...). He wasn't the real big bad for this chapter though. The real big bad is a trapped dark god, one of 6 or 7 that are breaking through into our world, and we have to reseal them. We have managed to reseal the first one, but still have a long way to go. Our party lost two characters in the process, but only one will be replaced (we lost a player to cancer...).

For the second question, I made Nyx and Brendis from one of my original stories into 4e characters to further flesh out the characters, especially Brendis, because Nyx is more fun to think about. We didn't get very far in the campaign, but Brendis was a lot of fun to play. He was a cinnamon roll, so the other players picked on him quite a bit. They suggested things like going to a brothel to get the girls to teach him to apply makeup (to cover his birthmark, which was attracting unwanted attention), and he would go bright red. 😆 So I wish I had gotten to play around with him in a dnd setting more. Other than that I have a series of characters based on mythology and fairy tales in various stages of being finished, including a Hercules character, a Princess Niamh character, and a Billy Beg character. I also have a character named Brugrim who is based solely on the thought "a Dwarven Bard who plays exclusively Dwarf Metal". He likes to sing Diggy Diggy Hole.

[tavarillasgalen]

feeling depressed about the supreme court decision regarding student loans and ran across another “if you live with your parents as an adult, you’re a deadbeat underachiever” post, so

imma try and list the things i’ve accomplished/am proud of so far this year.

- got promoted at work

- lost 15 lbs

- broke up with my bf of 7 years

- have a better relationship with my family than i have since...  high school?

- going from an unhealthy lifestyle to working out regularly and eating mostly healthy

- almost paid off all debts that aren’t student loan-related, only a month or two left until the only debt i have is student loans, unless something happens (hopefully nothing does)

- finally moved my horse to a stable where i can trust the people to take care of her + have been able to see her much more frequently

- started working on my books to publish again

- working on web design/development certificate

- working on nutrition certificate

- doing French lessons every day

- started doing my hobbies again + trying new ones. learning that it is ok to do things just because you like them - they don’t need to make you money, they can just be fun.

- started going after things i’ve always wanted to do - like mounted archery and adult ballet classes.

- started... living. just in general. like, making plans for the future and everything, and taking steps to help my future self, like scheduling general wellchecks.

- working on forgiving myself for all the things i didn’t do or learn and the mistakes i made because i was so suicidal for so many years. i’ll get all depressed about where i’m at in life, and then i have to remind myself that like, up until just a couple of months ago, i wanted to die. i made no real effort at a life for myself or anything because i didn’t want to be here. it’s hard, because i feel so behind in so many ways. but i’m working on being kind to myself. my past self worked so hard at just... staying alive. and for years, that was the most difficult thing. and now that i actually want to live and have a good life, a successful life, a happy life, i’m learning things and doing things that people who have generally always wanted to live have been doing for forever. i can’t be mad at my past self for not doing any of this stuff when simply living was the hardest thing. yes, i’m late to the game in a lot of things, but... i think that if people knew why, they wouldn’t judge. but it is still hard, logically knowing all this, but still getting depressed and frustrated because of things my past self didn’t do that others at the same age were doing. i’m working on it, anyway.

- just generally, my mental health is so much better. i’m nowhere near as anxious and depressed as i was mere months ago. i’m kind of going through a depressive episode now, because while most people get seasonal depression in the winter, the summer months are always the worst for me. but i can do things by myself, i can talk to people, i don’t freeze and start shaking at the idea of something new, i actually want to live? i still get suicidal thoughts sometimes, but they’re a lot rarer than they used to be, and i have zero inclination to act on them.

and more.

so while i’m nowhere near where i want to be, i’m taking steps in the right direction. i’m actively working on my goals. i actually want to live. so that’s something.

[tapioca-puddingg]

Two, the Goddess of Kindness: A Drakengard 3 Analysis

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!

Yoooo. I'm back again. It's been a while since the last post. Been getting kinda busy lately. If you're new here, my name is Taro and I post memes and character analysis discussions. This is my Seven Deadly Sins/Seven Heavenly Virtues series for Drakengard 3. Be sure to check out the other analyses I did for Five, Four, and Three. Go ahead and leave a follow as well if you enjoy these discussions and would like to be notified when I post more! With that out of the way, let's get onto Two, the Goddess of Kindness.

"Throughout the endless war, the kind Intoner gathered up orphans across the land and cared for them. She didn't have any parents of her own, so she wanted to help others escape the misery that she herself had known. And through it all, her one true love was always at her side. This is the story of a certain couple. A couple that strove endlessly to support each other."

INTRO TO TWO

Two is the third eldest Intoner sister and the ruler of the Land of Sands. Her personality is a stark contrast from that of most of her sisters: Five being self-indulgent and self-centered, Four being wildly insecure and judgmental, and Three being unhinged and immoral. Instead, Two has a bright and cheerful disposition and is shown to be highly empathetic and kindhearted. And she also has a knack for cooking. She genuinely loves the orphaned children under her care, and she doesn't hide the fact that she is madly in love with her disciple, Cent.

NOVELLA

I know, I know, I'm going in a different order this time around. I just feel like it made more sense to go chronologically. Anyways, the novella takes place sometime before the events of the game, as per usual. Two, Cent and the children are living in the underground shrine that One tasked them with protecting.

On this particular day, she plans to make a home-cooked meal for Cent and the children. Cent wonders about which Intoner has the best cooking, and Two describes their individual cooking styles: Five cooks odd monsters and creatures that people normally wouldn't (and probably shouldn't) consume, on top of the fact that her meals tend to be unhealthy. Four's cooking is bland because she doesn't use any seasonings in her dishes for nutritional reasons. And Three doesn't bother chopping up vegetables and leaves them whole. So she decides that One is the best cook. Cent points out the how bizarre their cooking styles are and that thought never crosses Two's mind. This shows how she sees the good in people, but it also shows her naiveté. More on that later.

This story doesn't have anything to do with the main game. In my opinion, it just further illustrates who Two is as a person; a wholesome, kind young woman that truly cares about others. From her children, to her soldiers, to the citizens of the Land of Sands, she always does her best to help others.

TWO'S PROLOGUE & MAIN GAME

I'm combining these two into one section because both stories intertwine with one another.

So the first time we see Two is in the beginning of Drakengard 3, accompanied by her other sisters. The five of them fight Zero after she declares that she wants to kill them all and take their power. At first, Two seems happy to see her. But after they begin fighting, she tells Zero that she has to pack for a trip and that she doesn't have time to fight. Her tone of voice sounded annoyed as she said this, but that's my opinion.

At some point after her confrontation with Zero, she and Cent get tasked by One to clear out some monsters. They begin in the Land of Mountains and then go to in the Land of Forests. A lot of their dialogue is lovey-dovey banter, but here's some lines that stick out to me:

"If you say it, it must be true!" -Two to Cent

"Oh cent, you're so strong! You've got power AND beauty. You're just perfect!" - Two to Cent again

As well as this conversation:

Two: They seem kind of...weak and worn out.

Cent:  Well they ARE stragglers. Most are pretty badly hurt.

Two: Maybe we should try healing them. You know? Like we did with those orphans?

Cent: I'm afraid we can't do that, Lady Two. You understand why I did that right? Why I harnessed the power of your song? Why I used it to cure the orphans and strengthen our soldiers?

Two: Because you're kind.

Cent: ...No. I did it because I wanted them to protect you. And in order to do that, they had to be healthier. Stronger. I strove to forge them into a mighty shield for you, my lady. It had nothing to do with kindness.

Two: That's not true! You're super kind! You're my gentle prince!

These lines illustrate a major flaw in her character, and that is that she idealizes Cent. She blindly believes everything that he says (which is later confirmed by Zero) and refuses to believe that Cent did something that wasn't out of the kindness of his heart. It doesn't seem like she wants to see him as a flawed or less than innocent. And that kind of blind faith and loyalty can leave someone in an undoubtedly vulnerable position. But I suppose this is how one might view their partner in their first relationship, right?

After a short rest, Cent is informed by Decadus via letter that the Cathedral City is in danger. Two is immediately worried about the children, so the couple hurriedly make their way over there. They are forced to fight their way through their own soldiers that have gone berserk, but not without Two lamenting over their situation. Cent reveals that he used the power of Two's song when he healed the children and the soldiers, which is the source of this corruption. This devastates Two and she blames herself for this tragedy, but Cent tries to reassure her that this was all his doing.

As they make their way inside the Hidden Cathedral and fight through more soldiers and skulls, Two's mental state begins to deteriorate the further they go in. By this point, Cent is really trying (and failing) to get Two to calm down.

At last, they arrive at the final chamber to find a homonculus, which is an amalgamation of the corrupted children. Two is understandably hysterical as she realizes what this creature is. Unfortunately, the couple is forced to kill the homonculus. What makes this worse is the fact that the children are still crying out from within the creature. Which means that they're still semi-sentient.

"By the end of the battle, the Intoner's spirit had been shattered. The broken shards fell deep into darkness...doomed never to return. This is the story of a couple deeply in love. The story of a foolish couple. The story...of a couple ruined beyond repair"

Took the words right out of my mouth. Having to kill the children that she so deeply cared for broke her spirit beyond repair. And she couldn't cope. This event gives context as to why Two is in such a zombified state when we next encounter her in the main game. Zero also states that you need to have a strong mind in order to keep from being corrupted by the power of song (by the flower, rather). This explains why the soldiers all lost their minds. Two shows up briefly in Branch B, but, in my opinion, this marks the end of her story.

CENT

I just want to use this section to briefly talk about Cent. He's a tough nut to crack and hard to understand. I spent quite a bit of time internally debating about whether or not his love for Two was genuine. I wasn't sure if he was pretending to love her in order to keep her happy or perhaps he just wanted to use her power. After Mikhail killed Two, Cent was awfully calm about it. I would've expected him to fly into rage after the woman he loved just got killed in front of him.

Unrelated, but he also behaves differently around others as opposed to when he's with Two. When he interacts with Zero and her party, he has this air of pompousness to him and is obnoxious. Even in his novella, he still internally strokes his own ego.However, he's rather serious and protective when he's with Two.

The way he says "I'm just a big idiot right?", to Zero after Mikhail kills Two almost makes it seem as though he's purposefully playing the fool. As for what purpose that would possibly serve is beyond me. Despite that, he remains loyal to Two in Branch B and D, so it seems as though his feelings for her are indeed genuine.

COLOR THEORY (BLUE)

This segment is where we discuss color theory as it relates to the character. Two's main color obviously being blue.

Some positive traits of blue can include, peace, tranquility, honesty, reliability, trust, and intelligence. While these traits definitely are spot on, I perceive her more as a pink or an orange personality type. A pink personality type being known for its sensitivity and empathy, while orange being known for its passion and energy.

However, some negative traits include conservatism, sadness or depression, coldness or aloofness, fragility, and predictability. The positive traits are what she showed before the tragedy, and she identifies with some of the negative ones after the tragedy.

NOVELLA IMAGE

I don't think there's too much to say about the image. Two is being surrounded by the people that she loves; she's being embraced by Cent, her lover, with her dear children close to her.

THE FINAL SONG

Last thing I wanna talk about before I get out of here and that's her dance in the Final Song. Because she's an even-numbered Intoner, her movements are symmetrical. She's the only intoner besides Zero that dances to her own theme. The choreography for her dance is beautiful and passionate. Her movements are wide and kind of wild. Her arms always end up stopping in front of her chest, her heart. No matter where she moves, she always returns to her heart. After reaching her heart, she moves her arms outwards. It's like she's giving out her love and her compassion. Her undying love for Cent. And the love that she holds for her children. She was always willing to help others in need. She's a giver rather than a taker and her dance is a reflection of that.

TLDR/AFTERTHOUGHT

Two was a kindhearted, yet naïve Intoner who was in love with her protective and suave disciple, Cent. She was loved and admired by the orphaned children that she took care of. In an attempt secure Two's safety in the future, the disciple would end up inadvertently misusing her power. The couple grossly underestimated just how much power Two's songs had and suffered greatly for it, as well as the victims that were killed in the process. Two's mind never recovered from this tragedy.

Phew! And that's a wrap, folks. Seriously, thanks to everyone that has been supporting these posts. I appreciate that you guys give me the time of day. As usual, I encourage you to leave your thoughts and opinions below. Not sure when I'll start on One's analysis, but you can be sure that I'm gonna finish all the drakengard 3 ladies. This Taro signing off, and this has been my two cents (bah-dum-tss!). Until next time! 💙

[sarahthevampyrslayer]

TLDR; I’m just venting about my parents lol. I feel like a teenager again, but with more bills and a car, so at least I can leave when I’m too annoyed 😂😂

So my partner and I have been living with my parents again since mid February. We all got an apartment together and have been splitting rent, utilities, bills etc. 50/50. But we do get separate groceries, laundry stuff and, toiletries. It actually hasn’t been too bad living with them. It’s not nearly has bad as it was when I was a kid/teenager, but there are little things they do that just irk me.

The unnecessary comments about what I’m eating or drinking. Do you know how much sodium is in a danish? My mom does lol. Do you know how much caffeine is in ginger ale? The answer is none lol, but my dad will tell you there’s too much caffeine in ginger ale and that’s why you’ll nap in the middle of the day… obviously this is wrong lol.

Having my chronic illness (fibromyalgia) ignored and dismissed daily, kind of annoying. This is why I take frequent breaks throughout the day to avoid of flare up.

Being told repeatedly, by my father, that I need to get a job, despite the fact that I have a job, kind of annoying.

Every time my mother feels insecure about her body she projects that onto me and tells me I need to lose weight.

Whenever I cook, doesn’t matter what time of day it is, suddenly my parents need to be in the kitchen too (it is an extremely small space and there’s not enough room for more than 1 person to move around comfortably).

They’re just so go-go-go with their energy and I am… not lol. They’re inpatient and rushy.

They think because I’m home all day (I WFH) that means that I’m available to do things and when I tell them I can’t go anywhere because I’m working, I am called lazy and made to feel guilty that I’m not spending enough time with them.

They don’t have “inside voices” and my father slams every door and cabinet. He’s so aggressive with literally everything he does. I don’t understand it.

When their dog barks (she’s just a small little pompom) they think the appropriate response is to yell at her to stop. They don’t seem to realize that their yelling is louder and more annoying than the dog barking (she literally barks like 2-3 times and then stops, it ain’t like she’s going nonstop for 30 minutes or something lol).

I think the most annoying thing is all the comments about what I eat. I specifically avoid doing the counting calories and carbs and sugar bullshit because for 12 years I suffered with an ED. And part of recovery was to not focus so much on micromanaging my food. Of course I look at the nutritional information on the bag, but I’m not counting how many blueberries I can put in my pancakes. My mother is a counter. And she thinks not eating is a flex. “I only had 10 blueberries, 1 piece of toast, and 6 grapes for breakfast. But I couldn’t even finish it all. I threw away half of it.” And she tells me these things randomly. I don’t ask about it because I don’t care. My mom is an almond mom lol.

It’s become so hard to enjoy our meals because they always have something negative to say about it. Yesterday I made Indian food (butter chicken) and the entire time I’m cooking they’re sitting in the living room making comments about how it’s unhealthy. Pretty much any ethnic food, to them, is unhealthy. And most of my dishes lately have been Indian and Japanese food. And a lot of vegan stuff too (I’m not vegan, I just happen to make a lot of vegan dishes lol). I just want to cook and eat in peace lol.

[sublimealpacapuppy]

Why is the concept of "Do not talk about other people's bodies" so god-damned hard to understand for parents?... Oh now I understand

TL;DR: Watched the reason why my dad can't comprehend you can't talk to someone else about their body happening before my eyes in real time

I don't know how to explain it any further without dumbing it down to a kindergarten level.

I (24M) am a big guy. Not huge, I am around 105kg and 1.85m. So no skinny, a little fat maybe, but really I am generally really happy with my body and I have come to terms with the fact that I really don't want to be skinny nor do I want to make the effort in going down in weight. If you give me a list of what are the most important things to do right now, going down to my "ideal" weight is not on there. It's okay for me.

My dad (55M) has quite a similar complexion to mine. I have no idea on the exact weight nor do I care, and I think that is the point.

I fundamentally don't care and I know full well that it is none of my business to say anything about him, whether good or bad, whether I come from a genuine place of actually helping or if I come from a place of angust or fear. Is not my place is not my body I Don't Care.

I consider this true for everything, from the color of the hair, what clothes they wear, but I think is especially true for things about nutrition.

It's just like "You are not a doctor, dad, if you were, even then I wouldn't appreciate you judging me. I didn't ask for advice, no thanks"

Would you imagine if we had the same approach that people in general have with eating and nutrition to other topics?

"I am worried about how you are fighting your depression, have you tried reading this book on autohelp"

"well maybe if you guys try this position I saw online you can have children"

It's just ridiculous.

For the longest time I have tried (unsuccessfully) to explain why you shouldn't talk about other people's bodies. Especially mine, my body. Is not a discussion or a topic I want to have, that I would accept. A few weeks ago, last time he tried it I just said "NO" to any question that was directed at me. He took this as me being defensive, and really I don't care. Especially because what prompted such talk was taking one extra breaded steak that he thought was okay. I was having none of it.

About a week ago one of my uncles (my dad's oldest brother) came to visit. Keep in mind they rarely see each other, it is not that they hate each other, just that they live far apart, have different lives, and have both of them (as for the rest of that family) huge egos.

Yesterday as we were going out to eat at the restaurant I had a few eye opening experiences.

As we were waiting for the elevator to arrive my uncle didn't wait a second and just went down 5 floors, to which I just said "the impatient ones, right?" To my dad and he responded "he (my uncle) is right [basically suggesting a health and weight loss issue]

When we were eating my uncle started rumbling about some lentil base tortillas saying that they are healthier.

And it clicked, it comes from my grandmother. She does exactly the same thing. Is eating with guilt so bad. Nothing and I do mean nothing is except from this guild. Even fruits can be unhealthy to their eyes.

Of course this guilt can have a double purpose. Since it can be used as a reason to NOT like things. My dad, for example, is not really into sweets so they are unhealthy because they have too much sugar bla bla bla. However, a bowl of chips with salsa, oh yes, bring it on.

All of this doesn't exclude him from making hurtful comments, or being rude to me, or even making me feel bad for things that I shouldn't. However it does give me a way for me to live in peace with, he is not doing to change. And that is okay.

Sorry for making this post so long. I hope you liked it, I just want to share my experience.

[ristiyantihayu]

The moment I step into the family, I was blamed for being "the only child in the family." I heard clearly that they labelled me as a spoiled girl, incapable for doing chores, never touch the kitchen thingy. All without me knowing, or at least they thought I dont know the badmouth.

The elders (might) worried that I couldn't take care the husband and (future) kids well. The way they devote themselves as a housewife. The way they define "woman" using their own perspectives.

I really try to prove them wrong. I showed my will to prepare own baby food, paying attention to all nutrition. I clean their plates (even tho I really HATE this). But none are appreciated. Instead, the eyes were screaming: "whats so special? We're also doing it all back in the days?"

But did you deal everything with a thesis defense right on postpartum period? Did you face a constant struggling of attending online lecture while breastfeeding the baby? Waking up every 2 hours to a crying baby and back to school paperwork directly?

My point is, we have our own conditions. We live in a super distinct generation & environment. Why dont we just leave a negative judgement and understand the bigger picture? Or you guys are simply incapable of doing so?

Another day, the bad stereotype is growing.

I banned my kid from any overly sweet & salted snacks before they reach 2. Simply because me & husband live under diabetic family tree. Father-in-law even suffer from kidney failure resulting from a high sugar blood.

But those family trying (again) to test my patience by giving her chocolate and such. I WAS MAD. And this topic was (again) serving as an interesting mock in the family table in the same circumstances: all behind my back or at least they dont aware that I know the talk.

Today, my kid having a tantrum because she's super sleepy (skipping nap) at the very first place and refuse to go home because she saw some interesting play. I talk to her that it's already nighty night. But yea sleepy kid is ofc serving a controlled emotion. Thus she snap back on my suggestion and crying like crazy.

At home, when she's out of control, I'll put her in a secluded space, letting her finish the anger first and talk kindly after. The process is tough because sometimes people cant handle the screaming. Me—after surfing all those parenting books & reels—is super prepared. Things will okay basicly after around 3 to 5 minutes. Kid is calming herself and ready to talk.

But this time, THE WHOLE FAMILY IS OFFERING HAND and stare me with "wth your kid is crying just give them what she wants?" I keep telling them to: "it's okay just lemme handle this by myself and let her release the emotion. She'll be fine. Pls be patience." But being a super nosy elders they are, none of my words were taken. They keep "oow come here with grandma/whoever it is" as if trying to rescue my kid from my lap.

I really wish I could utter some bad words.

Of course my kid sensing a help, she screams louder. And the scream & rescue cycle could never break. In the end, it was me who was pressured to "fulfill what the kid wants."

I'm super mad. This way, she'll never stop crying madly whenever she wants something. And I have to TEACH THE EMOTION CONTROL ALL THE WAY FROM ZERO AGAIN. I decide to leave the house, sitting in the yard corner and refuse to interact with everyone. I couldn't stand longer in this.

All my head was filled with "ah, another moment to bring me down with badmouth." Another values that doesnt fit the family and me being the one to blame.

The tought also travelled to what if I just divorce, the way I dont escalate the mental pain anymore. What will happen to the kid if the parent go separated way. Giving letter to the in-laws which basicly said "please find another perfect wife for your son because I couldnt handle your behavior anymore. Maybe someone from a village, which could be easily value-driven."

The worst part is I even thinking about the suicide. But at this time, I believe that I'd better be here to protect my kid.

I really hate the badmouth tradition in this family. Everytime the siblings sat together during Raya or end-year holiday, there will be someone to mock. Be it an in-laws (1. X only come here to eat but she never do the dishes; 2. Y is a wife of a rich uncle, but she still keep and using old equipments in the house. What a stingy girl; 3. Z is soo out of control; 4. K is sooo sensitive.) or other people from a wider family tree. I hate it. Like, does it benefit you? Does talking behind people will make them change the behavior and follow your path voluntarily?

I could never understand. And please advice me how to get away from this circle.

[lostinbirbilling]

I swore to myself that I will not journal multiple times or as frequently as I did the past few months. Although therapeutic, journaling has solidified some memories for me that I shouod be forgetting and they push me further into the loop of overthinking. Moreover, I've journaled as if I was venting out my anger in the past few months. So now, I'm trying to redeem.

But I cant stop myself from journaling one time on tumblr. Cause it's been so long.

Firstly, I've moved on from my first crush. (Or atleast, I'm beginning to move on from him)

This is a milestone in itself because I realised that I do not want to be a secret admirer for someone I talk to very frequently that too,in a filter-free manner.

Although pretty late to join the other end of the sea called "first crushes and hormonal rushes", I've realised that it's either -

You stay a secret admirer while keeping your interactions minimal

Or

You let them know how you feel a little early in the relationship

So that you don't let the guilt of becoming a delusional take over whatever friendship you've really established enroute that's actually needed for the 2 of you but, you're too guilty when he needs you as a friend.

Learnt the lesson a really tough way, but we both have our lives moving in different paces in our unis so "it is what it is"

(I really wish we could hang out sometime soon. But I swore to not get ahead anytime soon, so)

Secondly, I began coloring in the penup app of my new tab and doodling a little albeit rarely. This got me into training my mind into being a little patient. Maybe right now I'm patient by 4% more than I was before on an average

Thirdly, I'm chronically having headaches.

It could be me stressing out or overthinking subtle things when I let my emotions and silliness take over the rationale. Also because although im not entirely a people pleaser, i have a hard time saying no and even taking it (should seriously work on better communication)

Or inadequate sleep mostly due to my inefficiency in planning things for the day or night if I'm being specific.

I should be sleeping now so I get sufficient rest for tomorrow, but I'm typing away anyways :p

Or me studying under stress! Panicking. Worrying about my future.

Or missing home and worrying about family

Or under-hydration

Or micro nutrition deficiency cause I get fatigued after I'm out in the sun, pretty easily.

So to sum everything up, my health is getting fucked up. Mental health and physical one too.

Hence the pms and pcos.

Fourthly, I read a lot than I studied in the past few months.

Be it solo leveling to begin with.

Or subtle art of not giving a fuck.

Then recently I've read It ends with us and It starts with us.

While rn I'm binging on Omniscient reader and Eaternal Nocturnal.

Even anime wise

I've watched too many it seems

Kaguya Sama

Suzume (in theatres ✨️)

Your name (rewatch, in theatres 💫, and re-rewatch in my new tab)

Your lie in april

Garden of words

Horimiya (S1)

Demon slayer (rehabilitation arc and mugen train)

I've watched many movies too

Jailer (in theatres)

Happy days

Anand

Gharshana

Good night

(Okay not too many but yeah more than my average in the recent times)

Now it makes sense why I get all panicky before exams. I almost never touched my books because I know, I know how the next 3 and the next 3 years of my life are gonna be like, academically

Lastly, yoongi's lines from magic shop are making so much sense to me right now that I want to turn back time and just live happily with my family but this time around - Imma take care of my parents more and show my brother I love him more and not think about growing up or idolize growing up. Cause adulting is so damn not easy! And I'm not even 21 yet (will be in a few months though)

It's tiring

Taxing

Exhausting

Exasperating

You can't even blame your parents anymore (that feels morally wrong!)