#because i like to think that bree and nick were in a relationship

[enjoyerofstories]

thank you! you put my thoughts into words. the whole situation is complicated and it can be viewed as both cheating or not. it's tiring how defensive people get when someone mentions they think it was cheating

The discussion of whether bree kissing sel was cheating or not is very tiring. however, i am sure of one thing: if nick kissed another person the fandom would've called him out on it

edit 1: one thing i want to add is that this whole debate is surrounded by bias from both breenick and selbree shippers. on one hand, breenick shippers consider them to be in a relationship and this is why most of them consider it to be cheating-esque. on the other hand, selbree shippers think bree and nick only have a situationship going on and they are so ready to dismiss the situation as not cheating because that would cast a shadow on their ship's first kiss scene (which is understandable tbh)

edit 2: what really bothers me about this debate is how easily people seem to dismiss bree and nick's relationship and nick's feelings. idk why i'm surprised tho. it became clear the first day i got into this fandom that most people don't care about them or nick

[probablyintensemuses]

INCOMING: A DESPERATE COLLEGE STUDENTS OATHBOUND PREDICTIONS!!!!

CC @mageofspace__ on IG

TRACY!! I JUST FELL TO MY KNEES IN THE MIDDLE OF WALMART! THE WHOLE GANG!! I’m so happy to see Valec, Alice, Will, & Mariah in the flesh like wtf! But while we are here, I want to talk about some of my Oathbound predictions…because I can. ❤️⚔️💙

P.S. IF YOU HAVEN’T READ LB OR BM I SUGGEST YOU DO NOT CONTINUE! Spoilers ahead!

• Okay first, I truly believe that Bree has had her squire and kingsmage all along, Nick and Sel. I mean just with the relationships between those three, there is no way it goes any other way.

also, Alice will wake from her coma and have somehow inherited powers from Will as she was LITERALLY breathing his aether signature in. Like I’m not 100% sure how that would work, but we’ve seen it in media before, take Monica Rambeau and Wanda’s hex for an example! Maybe that interaction with magic will awaken Alice's own unique magic too, or maybe it's closely related to Bree again how the Mesmer did too in LB.

Regardless, when she awakens I think bby girl will be given an even more important role in the finale of this series. Maybe like being Will's squire...

• it’s going to come out that not only is shadow daddy, IYKYK not spoiling for potential new readers who have no sense of self-preservation and are reading this anyways, is not only Sel's father but VALECHEZ’s! Like not only would that be pure comedy considering how they were at each other's NECKS in BM, but it makes sense as to why Sel was succumbing to his demonia so fast, faster than others, maybe because a little more demon than others…

•I think this new magic system that Tracy is cooking up is going to tap into Natasia and Faye’s relationship a bit more and even Sel and Bree’s.

I also think it’s going to be the solution to not only Sel’s demonia, but Bree’s bloodmark, and even abatement and all these fucking legendborn oaths. I mean think about the word OATH, practically meaning something one HAS to abide by. Vera took an oath of sorts with the blood mark “one daughter at a time for all time.” The legend born and their oath of service and all this, as I call it, greedy magic which shortens their life spans, the Merlins too! What if, just what if, Faye and Natasia found a way to combine both their forms of magic (root + aether + blood craft) and created something entirely new? Something so potent and powerful, defying these “oaths” or what you could call them, curses, to cure all these things…and what if since Bree is from Faye’s lineage, sel from Natasia, what if they can do it together too.

• I think we will learn more about the Morgaine. More on Nick….hmm. A lot of LB fans keep calling him boring, but with his mom's disappearance, and the fact that Tracy is too good of an author to simply leave his arc hanging, I don't trust it. Maybe he will even go rogue, I'm not too sure ATP, but don't sleep on Nick!

• Lastly for my final predictions…more like a pipe dream. I really, for the life of me, need Bree to pull a Wanda from episodes 8-9 of WandaVision with Shadow Daddy.

We know Bree is smart and clever, this ain’t new! So, I need her to take what she has learned from shadow daddy, and then pull a clean uno reverse, and get out of there! EXPEDITIOUSLY!

Then from there, I need her to find Sel and Nastia (preferably in some cute cabin in the woods, and Natasia needs to be a MILF) this revelation of Bree's survival prompts Natasia to discuss the above ^^^ She and Bree get to work! Sel is now cured and they can get these oaths removed!!! Once these oaths are removed, the REGENTS ARE TOAST, TOR TOO! Then we get to work on Camlann in book 4! Cuz that’s how tf Tracy does it! Period!!

THESE ARE JUST MY PREDICTIONS, NONE OF THESE ARE CANON!! All I have to say is I'm fucking so excited about this book and even though it's still two years out I'm trusting Tracy's expertise to bring us something DE-LI-CIOUS! Also is it too much to ask that if this is adapted for television to have it animated, we know how much Tracy loves and takes influence from anime... it's only fair, and I feel can make for a more accurate and dynamic visual medium.

That's all for now. PEACE.

[massiveladycat]

are people really getting mad at Nick for being, and i quote, "too nice"? is he supposed to be mean? is he supposed to insult bree or some shit?? i mean, god forbid we have a healthy relationship where the two love interests are nice to eachother. that would be a catastrophe. the world's ending. ohm y goodness. holy hell. honestly I do believe that selwyn can be toxic and I don't think that nick was "too nice" or "liked her for her physical appearance" which wtf who said that. i think he really does love her, and sel loves her just the same. but at the end of the day two wrongs don't make a right. i don't think nick should've punched sel, but i understand why he did; after rereading the scene quickly, selwyn had said "i could've called the hound off her at any moment--" and honestly, it's not too farfetched for nick to think 'did he actually just sic a hellhound on bree??'. i also don't think sel should've tried to kill Bree but i also understand why he did. sel is annoying af in my own opinion, but he cares for bree in a way that feels genuine outside of the magical bonds of the Arthur/Merlin and Arthur/Shadow King connection they have. bree also seems so much more into him than she does nick. like it's barely even a competition at this point. is it even a love triangle anymore? someone needs to tell nick cause he's losing. he's losing really bad. still holding out for nick though because breenick means a lot to me and i thought they were adorable anyways this person on tiktok gets my opinion on this almost perfectly

[ficnoire2]

An Ode to The King, Briana Irene Matthews

When I say I love this character, I say it with my whole chest.  I cannot begin to express the joy I experienced when one of my fellow educators passed me this book and said “I’ve got a fantasy book for you, and there is a black girl on the cover.”  I am a child of The Neverending Story, Legend, Willow, etc (Google if you need to) and brown faces were few and far between, if there at all.  There are so many things I admire and appreciate about Bree Bree and the power she holds can’t be understated. 

*Spoilers Ahead so Exit Stage Left if You Need To*

Choices

In a story where choice has been hijacked for so many of our faves, I love the choice she makes at the end of Bloodmarked. To choose herself.  I know there has been controversy regarding this but fuck all that, she said what she said.  The fact that black girls need to be perfect and make decisions that are equally as perfect no matter what they are up against is absurd.  That line of thinking has real world consequences.  I love that she tried to consult with elders, those that came before her.  She seemed to be following this implied protocol that did not bear the fruit she’d hoped for.  

When she says, “I realize now why Jessie’s mantra to call root didn’t work for me.”  She said,  “Think of the power you possess and the woman who gave it to you.” I smile sadly,  “I used to think that woman was my mother, and through her, you.  Tried it her way and it didn’t work.  Because you all didn’t give me my power.”  I kneel to face the streams, thrust my hands into the earth from which they came. 

“I did.”

This was a hell of a scene because she is finally shutting off the noise of the outside world, the distracting chatter blocking her self actualization.  Arthur, the ancestors, the Legendborn, and choosing Bree.  Much like she puts the broken pieces of  Excalibur back together, she is in a sense doing the same for herself (pain welded blade).  It even bears a deep purple stone in the pommel. The color meant to speak to this pain, this literal and figurative bruising and beating she has taken.  In addition, the choice to go with Erebus and the uncertainty that hangs there was pure fearlessness.  As her character sheet says, she is intrepid, bold.  The way she is written, you just know it is in her soul.  As Tracy says in her dedication, For every Black girl who was “the first.”  Black is capitalized here, emphasized, because we are often demonized for making decisions or having experiences that those that came before may not have had the courage or opportunity to step into.  The First.  In Bree’s line everyone ran and she decided to stop running and turn to face the unknown, whatever may come with her chin up.  

In addition to being a clever badass, I loved watching how she navigated her relationships with Nick and Sel.  Again, another hot button topic where folks are clutching pearls and clenching ass cheeks.  I am not interested in “ship wars” but what did catch my eye was the way Bree allowed herself to be loved on.  The safety and soft intimacy she received and craved from Nick in a time where her world had been completely shattered was beautiful to read.  “I’m impressed, despite my still racing heartbeat.  How does he do it?  How does this boy navigate my emotions like a seasoned sailor, finding the clear skies and bringing them closer, when all I seem able to do is hold fast to the storms?”  He is patient with her.  The way he speaks, comforting and protective.  I love that she had this!  The giddiness at that age of meeting someone that makes you dizzy in the best way.  I love that Bree allowed herself to experience the respite Nick offered.  That relationship represents the light in her, hearkens back to a simpler time.

I also think Bree enjoys the challenge Sel presents.  Aside from him trying to kill her in the beginning (and being an all around asshole), she always seems to find interest in him (her shadow side).  “He’s dressed in black, as always, but his long coat is gone.  His tattoos are on full display below sleeves rolled at the elbow.  They wind down his forearms and wrists, and I can’t help but study them.  I wonder how far they go and how many he has before I remember that I detest him and shouldn’t care about his tattoos at all.”  

Bree is fiery (quite literally) and finds herself drawn to the darkness and mystery of Sel.  In truth, she likes to stir the pot.  When Vaughn is giving her shit about being Nick��s page, she intentionally fucks with him.  “But I’m not going to disappear.  And I don’t want to keep my head down.  Instead, I’m going to give Vaughn a glimpse of who I really am, and show him exactly who I’m not.”

She then throws the haymaker, “You’re a bigot and a bully, Scheafer.  You insult me because you think you know what I am capable of, but you don’t.  I must make you nervous, though, for you to expose your insecurities about your odds of success in the tournament.”

Long story short, Briana Irene is with the shits! How many times have you had to check in a loser such as Vaughn, who in all their mediocrity, thinks they are superior?  I love that she essentially says, “aight then.”

I say all that to say that I like that she is feeling her feelings.  She can acknowledge and accept the safety and easiness of Nick, while also reveling in the mystery and chaos of Sel.  Those two desires can (and do) live in the same body.  I love that this is confusing for her and she grapples with it because, what 16 year old wouldn’t! Low key/high key, folks my age would grapple with certain aspects of that but again, her choices.  

Bree is supposed to be complicated. At times infuriating.  I find it strange however, when folks don’t give her the space she has earned to develop.  So many of us Black girls are not afforded this space.  No room to grow, change our minds, or choose a different path.  She is grappling with grief and grief is messy, complicated.  The vessel in which she entered the world ceases to exist on the plane of the living and she is floating in the darkness and uncertainty of that.  “Your anguish is wrapped around your very heart.”   Not to mention navigating racism, sexism, supernatural beings, and understanding her own body and power.  That is a tall order.  She represents multitudes of girls who were “the first” and I am so glad I get to witness her in all her flaws and greatness.  THE KING.  Rumble black girl, rumble.  

[you-are-my-king-now-cariad]

Discord Thoughts

So basically this is room for me to talk about things in the Discord that inspired/reminded me of certain things, that I wanted to say but the conversation moved on, etc. In other words, I’m just rambling here. But y’all seem to like that, so here. No particular ordering of anything besides the order they came up-and some of them might be from my irl friends, I’m not actually sure.

Alice as Regent/Squire

Staying Close

Root Will Save Him

Willark VS Brelwyn

This might be my Brel Glasses, but it seems like William and Lark are intentionally the opposite of Bree and Sel. We don’t see them much, but we do know a few things: William is unquestionably good and pure, neither of them seem like they’re going to make a move, and Lark is remarkably perceptive about Brel.

1. William and Sel are surprisingly accurate foils. (Is it still a foil when they’re kind of opposites?) One is lawful good (and is proud of that) and the other is chaotic good. One is human, one is demon. One is never going to hurt anyone unless he absolutely has to, the other is… uh, Sel. Obviously both are generally ‘good,’ but Sel is fighting off an internal chaotic evil demon-not exactly going to blame him for being less than angelic. Also considering William has always been a safe space for Bree, particularly when Sel’s actively hunting her, and that they’re friends? It starts to feel intentional. Am I making any sense at all?

2. Both Lark and William are the definition of incredibly adorable gay panic.

Instalove VS Devotion

Okay, this is the first one I’m actually typing out bc I have the most to say about it and it’s probably the least coherent. Thanks @paigeagainstdamachine for making a vague comment that started this whole train-

I’m not saying instalove is ‘bad,’ or that her relationship with Nick is somehow fake because it was fast. Let’s get that out of the way. You can absolutely have a fast romance that is still incredibly real and long-lasting-see my parents, who were dating for 6 months before getting engaged and are still married after ~25 years.

But I will say that as someone currently in high school… I’ve seen this movie a lot. It’s true love with the boy who just moved in next door, until he’s not new and shiny anymore and you start seeing all the shitty parts of his personality. He’s not a bad person, either-just one too many red flags or negatives, but it’s not like he’s abusive or cheating or anything.

This doesn’t have to echo in Legendborn. I do believe that Nick genuinely loves Bree, and that it’s mutual. (At the very least, whatever they have is more than just friendship.) I’m just… if they’re endgame, they shouldn’t feel so immature. Yes, they’re adorable (especially in LB), but it feels like a high school romance-and it is. It feels like my brother’s senior relationship-they were going to different colleges and both agreed that they probably wouldn’t be able to manage long-distance, so there was a time limit from the beginning. I can’t actually explain why Brick feels so… young? It just does.

Brel, on the other hand? Yeah, ofc it’s also a high school romance, but like… there is so much trust and devotion and it feels natural. They have the kind of relationship where you actually can stay friends when you break up because you just fit together. Then again, I’m just a sucker for well-written edgy demon boys, so I could be a little biased. They fight, but a healthy relationship isn’t defined by ‘we don’t ever fight.’ It’s defined by ‘we can forgive and forget.’ It’s defined by ‘no matter how angry I might be towards you, whatever mistakes you’ve made, I don’t want you to suffer.’ And that’s exactly what Sel and Bree have found.

“We fought…”

“We’ll always fight, I think.”

They fight, and they move on. They forgive. They love the other no matter what. And not to be a Sel apologist, but uhh this is exactly the kind of relationship he’s needed for so long and as much as the “I can fix him” mindset is awful she literally is giving him a reason to be a good person. Both make really big mistakes, and they get mad, say and do things they shouldn’t… but they always, always come back together.

[scarlethoodi]

Finally read Bloodmarked so it’s time to fully enter my Legendborn Cycle obsession era

Bree Matthew , daughter of sons, the girl that you. Let’s put a pause on the love triangle business and discuss the plot cause whew shit just be happening but if there’s one thing about her, no matter the cost she’s getting shit done (though she’s a bit unserious). Idk which moments were my favorite in how action packed and/or shocking they were: her putting a hole through Volition as she screamed after Vera, her and Sel witnessing Nick behead that one guy, Arthur taking over her body, her in Arthur’s dreamscape and entering that dragon form, etc. Honestly she’s going through too much

I enjoyed the group that we followed. Let it be known that Alice Chen is thee best friend of all times. I just loved her and Bree’s friendship-she learned how to do Bree’s hair 🥺 that’s a real one right there. And I really loved William, he’s such a sensible and empathetic guy. Especially his relationship with Bree, the way he called her out for thinking they only cared about saving her because of the order- he’s a healer and knight which will always be a great combo and you can just feel how much he loves Bree- so big brother coded. And if Alice doesn’t wake up I’ll march into that book and start fighting people myself- 3rd book she’ll be Legendborn huh? Anyone???

The love triangle was good, like idk maybe the trope isn’t that bad. And I like that Bree was able to have these emotions and romantic interactions. Her and Sel’s interactions would have me either screaming in frustration or giggling, so yeah the kiss scene was great. But never mind that cause Nick Davis you will always be famous. The first time she did her memory walk through Arthur’s memories and pulled him in as Lancelot- two kisses and god they’re so in love. And I know Sel says he doesn’t still have feelings for Nick but idk there’s something there. The way they both love Bree how she loves them both.

I loved the new characters, especially Valec the most. The way his character circled back to Bree’s first memory walk where she saw the enslaved woman who was impregnated by the Crossroads man. I think Larc was a pretty good addition too. And more importantly I loved the community of black women Bree is gaining around her. Like I think her Root powers were more interesting in general because there was always so much to be learned about it. The Regents made me uncomfortable. Those racist old white people just trying to trap Bree. And I don’t know or care how it happens but I need someone to beat Tor’s ass. The lead up to them getting Briana out of that place, those 5 minutes had me holding my breath but when she jumped into Alice’s arms in the car I pumped my fist up in celebration.

There’s a lot I want to say and gush about this series and I definitely want to start making fanart for it. Like this series and world is just so interesting to me, so I can’t wait to see how the author follows up in the future.

[jenosavel]

I'm apparently much more optimistic than y'all. 🤣 Here are some of my thoughts...

1. I think Bree is going to burn the Order to the ground. Period. She's going to beat Nick to figuring out how to break the Spell of Eternity without dying herself, and in the final pivotal moments of pulling it off we will see a dream team of Bree / Nick / Sel doing it together, and likely backed up by Alice / William.

The Order is, quite frankly, evil. Not because of the people involved. Not because the Regents are bad. But because the entire concept is coersive, manipulative, and colonial. It needs to go, and both Bree and Nick are now firmly on that path as of the end of Bloodmarked. Sel is not on board yet, because he still is clinging to the idea that the Oaths are his salvation. Which... I suspect is an Order lie (as alluded to by Valec). As Sel goes through this coming demonia arc, he may finally come around too. Which leads me to...

2. I think Natasia will fail to heal Sel (or fail to heal him completely), but lay the groundwork for Bree herself to do it. I think that the current implied understanding of consuming aether increasing demonia is an intentional Order lie, and that the real mechanism is consent vs force. In the dream, Sel got messed up because he stole the aether by force, whereas in the forest vs Erebus he got healed + a major power boost because Bree shared that aether voluntarily.

Sel was afraid of it that first time, saying it felt "wrong," but I couldn't help noticing that his fears seemed to revolve around a very specific moral framework imposed by the Order, which at this point I don't think anyone should trust. The Order only cares about the good of the Order, not its component members.

I suspect once they figure this out, we're going to see some major cooperative casting happening between Bree and Sel.

If/when that boy does finally come to realize that the Oaths were not preserving his humanity, but rather guaranteeing his descent all along... There's gonna be hell to pay. I can't wait to see that transformation, and I hope that we finally get to see his begrudging and much belated "thank you" to Valec. 🤣

3. I believe Alice is not only going to wake up, but is going to wake up with power. It's worth paying close attention to William's wording here.

First, William did not say aether harms Onceborns. He said it was "not meant for" them. This scared him because the (naieve) Legendborn assume this means it will hurt Onceborns, but as far as the Order and the Regents are concerned, aether killing Onceborns would be better than SURPRISE giving them powers outside of Oaths.

Second, William did not say the aether was causing her coma, only that he didn't know what it was doing to her... but we might. The aesthetic description of her condition looks a HECK of a lot like the original casting of the Spell of Eternity as seen in Bree's bloodwalk, and we've already seen one healing of Alice leave her with permanent powers (mesmer resistance). So the question then is, will she gain powers as in permanent rapid healing, or as in something that looks like Gawain's abilities? The latter could prove quite interesting, as it comes with a built in credible cover story. Alice and William were already signaling that they might consider a Scion / Squire relationship, so it would be no stretch for them to pretend to have one after this as a way of hiding what really happened. Also... imagine Alice with Gawain's strength but not beholden to any Oaths. 😳 Unleash that girl already!!

I have so many other thoughts too, things about Bree's power, the Crown, what it might take to actually defeat the Shadow King, what counter strikes the Shadow King might make, the spell's dream realm... but they get more speculative and sketchy, so I'd rather wait and see.

I'm so looking forward to wherever Deonn takes us next!

Oh, and one last thing... I love love LOVE how Vera's bargain has manifested as its own kind of messed up, perverted version of the Kingsmage Oath. Bree doesn't need a Kingsmage now, because she has the gosh-dang SHADOW KING bound to protect her and able to sense when her life is threatened. 😳 Sorry Sel... You might be one-up'd there (for now). Though this will make eventually needing to defeat the Shadow King more... interesting.

OH! And one other OTHER thing. I believe we've already seen the Lancelot-Arthur betrayal and won't necessarily see a second one. Nick-as-Lancelot already hardcore betrayed Arthur (the real one) for a woman (Bree). It was artfully done there too. Real *chef's kiss.*

Okay, I lied. One other OTHER OTHER thing... Valec was born with gold eyes, like every other cambion. But now that he's balanced, his demon eye color only comes out when he wants it to and the rest of the time he has his regular human eye color. So if Sel were able to reach balance by some means... WHAT IS HIS HIDDEN HUMAN EYE COLOR??! I MUST KNOW THESE THINGS. PLZ. PLZ I'M DYING.

legendborn theories

So I had to take a moment to collect my thoughts after reading Bloodmarked and I have some theories on how this series is going to end:

I think Nick is going to sacrifice himself. In Bloodmarked, the scene where Nick makes the decision to not got with them, I felt was very pivotal and foretelling (in the 1st book he was taken, in this book he left willing). I think in the 3rd book he will leave them permanently. The scene where all 3 of them are in the bloodwalk and Nick looks b/w Bree & SEl, to me that read that he was tired of losing people and made the decison to do whatever it takes to not lose the last 2 people he cares about.

Nick is going to have a corruption arc/go dark. In th finale Nick says "I can't lose you; I won't lose her" and he ended up losing BOTH of them. Nick at the end of BM has lost his mom, his dad, his bodyguard whose been with him since he was a child, and now the love of his life. He's lost eveyone he has ever cared about. and I think that is what is going to tip him over the edge. I hope Tracy does 3 POV of Sel, Bree, and Nick since the trio is now scattered.

Finally, I think this book will end in betrayal, but this time a love betrayal. In the Arthurian legend, Lancelot betrays Arthur because of love. After Nick decides to not go w/ them, both Sel and Bree feel betrayed. They eventually kiss (its important to note that Bree is the one that kisses Sel; compared to in LB where Nick makes the 1st move on Bree). By then end of the book Nick does not know that Bree and Sel have kissed, or that Bree sacrificed her life/freedom for Sel who did the same for her. As far as Nick knows, Bree only has feelings for him. So couple w/ the fact that there is romance b/w Bree & Sel, and that Nick is mostly going to go dark, I think Nick may end up turning against them becuz he feels betrayed.

Idk im just theorizing here. I think Bree has something up her sleeve becuz I don't think she world dive in head first into a bargain like that.

I also think that Sel may get his humanity back but at a price (im thinking in terms of Zuko, he will have permanent marks on his face or something).

I think there may end up being a final battle b/w Nick and Bree. And i think there is going to be 1-2 yr time jump. (imagine that, having to fight ur 1st love, Tracy WOULD do something like that)

Alice will wake up becuz BM hinted that Alice may have root flowing through her, so I think she will heal but it may take some time.

Idk, let me know what y'all think.

[astralbooks]

Bloodmarked by Tracy Deonn

Read: 07/10/2022 - 18/10/2022

Rating:5/5

Rep: Black main character, Taiwanese-American lesbian side character, bisexual love interest, Black side characters, achillean side character, various queer side & minor characters

CW: racism, death of a parent (in backstory), death of a friend (prior to book’s beginning), on page death, grief, violence, life-threatening injury, discussed rape (in backstory, not of main character), non-consensual drug use, non-consensual memory & perception manipulation, imprisonment

Review:

(This review will spoil the ending of Legendborn)

To put it simply, I’m obsessed.

The book opens a few weeks on from where Legendborn ended. Nick is still missing, and the Order haven’t given any indication that they’re all that concerned about trying to find him. Bree’s supposed to be their leader, their King, but you know how it is in both fantasy and through history with long time regents when the true monarch appears. At first they keep her identity secret for practical reasons that appear to be largely reasonable, but things soon take on a much darker tone.

The commentaries on generational trauma and institutionalised racism that were present in the first book haven’t gone anywhere in this one. Bree may be Arthur’s Scion, and the most powerful Scion there has ever been due to her own unique abilities, but in the eyes of many she is just a Black girl who needs to be controlled and possibly eliminated so that her power can go where they want it to go. Deonn doesn’t shy away from how horrific this is.

Bree learns a lot more about how the magic works in this world in this book and I really enjoyed that! Through the first book Bree met people who told her about magic that only works in a very specific way, and it was fun seeing Bree learn how these people were wrong, intentionally or otherwise. The magical world is a Lot bigger than Bree realised, and this isn’t always a good thing.

I liked Selwyn in book one but didn’t quite relate to the huge amount of hype centered specifically on him. It’s not incorrect to say that a lot of Sel’s hype stems from him being the mysterious hot white guy character who’s a bit of a jerk, and we all know that these are the characters that fandom likes to flock to. However, I get it. After reading this book, I get it. I’m surprised at how much I love him because he can be downright mean at times and I usually don’t like those characters at all, but this jerk does have a heart of gold and his meanness almost always stems from how deeply he cares about his friends, wants to keep them all safe, and doesn’t want them to worry about him. He’s not mean just for the sake of it, and he’s under a lot of pressure because a lot of people are relying on him. His relationship with Bree was So Good. There is an incident partway through the book involving him that has the potential to turn a lot of people off him entirely, but I think that his genuine understanding of what he did wrong and his genuine remorse, plus Bree not forgiving him right away due to how serious this incident is, has made me enjoy him and their relationship dynamic even more. 

Loving Selwyn does not necessarily mean that I’m rooting for him to ‘win’ this love triangle. Nick’s not in this book as much as he was in the first one, but with his limited page space he still manages to shine. Does this make me Team Nick? No it does not. There are a couple of scenes where both boys are talking to Bree at the same time and they were great and I would like to formally make it known that I think Bree deserves two boyfriends. I’m sure the boys would be down. 

A bunch of new characters were introduced in this book! I especially liked the new friendly cambions, Lark and Valec. Valec was particularly fun, and hit on a very specific trope that I enjoy a lot. Valec is attracted to Bree, is completely aware that these feelings are not reciprocated and is content with that, and delights in making fun of the other person present who also has feelings for her. Valec is the transparent sort, and Sel very much isn’t, even if Sel likely doesn’t know the meaning of the word subtlety.

I wrote in my review of the first book that I had a prediction about Alice and I didn’t write that prediction down and for the life of me I have no idea what that prediction was. I will learn nothing from this. Alice was great though.

Of course, with all these cool side characters, the fact remains that Bree is the star of the show here! She spends the whole book trying so hard to do the right thing, even when it seems like everything is against her. She doesn’t put up with anyone’s bullshit, isn’t afraid to put boundaries in place and fight for them when needed, and is willing to do so so much if it’s for the sake of the people she loves. She’s an excellent protagonist and I love reading from her perspective.

Speaking of perspective, the climax near the end was SO COOL! Once again there’s something that looks like a non-sequitur but really really isn’t in my review on this series, but I can’t explain in any more detail without spoiling things. Just know that I was yelling.

For some reason I was under the impression that this was a duology, and this made the final chapters of the book significantly more stressful for me. If that ending had been the ending to the entire series I would’ve been so mad. I’ve never been so happy to learn that I was wrong. I know that at the time of this review being posted this book hasn’t technically been released yet, but please I am begging for it to be less than another two years before the third installment’s release.

I would absolutely recommend this book/series. 

Thank you to NetGalley and Simon and Schuster for providing me with an e-arc in return for an honest review.

[mistwraiths]

5 stars

In an early college program, Bree stumbles upon a secret society that might have had connections with her mother's death. Determined to get to the truth, she plans to infiltrate the historically white secret society only to discover things aren't what they seem in this magical world, and furthermore she might have a place in this. She'll have to try to not get too entangled but something terrible is happening.

My synopsis might not be great but y'all: READ THIS BOOK!!!! For a debut this book is absolutely stunning.

This is an Arthurian legend story but set in modern-day times featuring a Black female lead. This story touches upon so many important subjects and topics with respect and care, such as grief, inherited trauma, racism, being a Black woman in the South, colonization, and chattel slavery, and more. The parts written about Bree dealing with her grief was done so well. There were times I had to close the book and just take a few moments because I absolutely wanted to throw hands with certain side characters.

There is a lot going on in this book, not just in the action sense but in general. Bree is not only at school but her whole view of the world has just shifted. She's infiltrating a secret society, she's going to therapy, she's doing these trials, learning secrets in the society, falling in love, and learning that her mother kept parts of her heritage from her. The pacing is done really well, I never really felt like I wanted to get to a different part or like it was going to slow. But it definitely did take me longer to read because there's a lot of stuff.

The secret society ranks and roles, and how someone climbs them is all explained. And while I think I understand, it still kind of gives me a headache. I also don't quite understand how aether works or Merlins, or really gates and stuff works. Which is understandable to a point, Bree is new to the world so she really wouldn't get it either.

On top of that, there's a completely different branch of magic that you also are learning. This one seems a lot easier to follow thankfully and since this is part of Bree's heritage and much cooler, I'm far more interested in this. There's not a lot of this branch, but I think it'll come more into play in the sequel.

Bree is an amazing main character and I loved her journey so much!! I sympathized deeply with her struggle with grief in certain aspects, there's a line that talks about how could the world continue on when something so terrible just happened, and having experienced a super traumatic event, I felt quite the same at times. I'm not a huge fan of the Chosen One trope because it feels a lot overdone, and while we do get the "unlike anyone else, no one has seen this before" vibes, I'm here for it. We DESERVE and it's past fucking time we have gotten a BLACK FEMALE LEAD AS A CHOSEN ONE. Also, I love the relationship with her dad.

Before I get sidetracked, I want to say I absolutely love the representation within this book. Greer is a nonbinary important side character. They are introduced and immediately the text uses the proper pronouns. There are no discussions about, the texts just gives it to you point blank and I LOVE it. It simply is and it is respected by most all the characters. Of course, there are hints at it not being widely accepted in the all white secret society of mostly heteronormative misogynistic white men. There's also several characters who are bi and a wlw relationship within the secret society, and lesbian outside of it.

The side characters are pretty good, although it did feel like if it wasn't Nick, Sel, or the secret society people, there wasn't much interactions. Alice seemed a promising side character but she was mostly absent despite being her roommate and best friend. I would have loved more of Patricia and Mariah!

There is pretty much an insta-love relationship going on here, and while it is kind of called out with this call-and-response reference, I'm not a huge fan of it. But I like Nick and I hope he continues to be the same good, kind boy he was in this book. I do like that the insta-love thing is kind of called into question in the end.

However, I'll be surprised if Nick and Bree do still end up together by the end of the next book because I CAN SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING A MILE AWAY. I can smell a love triangle and I dislike love triangles. Of course it's with the black haired, yellow eyed, tortured boy. Of course I'm probably gonna be rooting for him. I just don't like having a love triangle because it feels unnecessary.

The reveals were so well done because I don't think I expected any of them. And that TWIST!!!! I GASPED. Like I had looked at the next book cover and saw an object and I was like oh yeah that makes sense because of course. BUT NOT LIKE THAT.

Now I'm READY for the next book and I hope Bree and a certain someone puts some assholes in their place. But seriously, if you love magic, Arthurian legend, secret societies, or want an amazing Black female lead, READ THIS.

[richincolor]

Book Review: Legendborn

Title: Legendborn

Author: Tracy Deonn

Genres:  Fantasy

Pages: 512

Publisher: Margaret K. McElderry Books

Review Copy: ARC from publisher

Availability: Available Now

Summary: After her mother dies in an accident, sixteen-year-old Bree Matthews wants nothing to do with her family memories or childhood home. A residential program for bright high schoolers at UNC–Chapel Hill seems like the perfect escape—until Bree witnesses a magical attack her very first night on campus.

A flying demon feeding on human energies.

A secret society of so called “Legendborn” students that hunt the creatures down.

And a mysterious teenage mage who calls himself a “Merlin” and who attempts—and fails—to wipe Bree’s memory of everything she saw.

The mage’s failure unlocks Bree’s own unique magic and a buried memory with a hidden connection: the night her mother died, another Merlin was at the hospital. Now that Bree knows there’s more to her mother’s death than what’s on the police report, she’ll do whatever it takes to find out the truth, even if that means infiltrating the Legendborn as one of their initiates.

She recruits Nick, a self-exiled Legendborn with his own grudge against the group, and their reluctant partnership pulls them deeper into the society’s secrets—and closer to each other. But when the Legendborn reveal themselves as the descendants of King Arthur’s knights and explain that a magical war is coming, Bree has to decide how far she’ll go for the truth and whether she should use her magic to take the society down—or join the fight.

Review: First off, I want to ask Ms. Deonn - when is the sequel to this book coming out? I need it like yesterday! Legendborn took me on a wonderful ride and when it was done I wasn’t ready to get off. I was so into the story, the world of Legendborn that I would think about it during the day and couldn’t wait to finish my work so I could spend time with Bree and friends.

Okay, so now that my “fangirling” is out the way, let me tell you why I loved this book so much. First off is Bree. She is such a wonderful realistic character who you can’t but help to love. Bree is a very smart, very quick thinking young woman who is doing her best while grieving the horrible loss of her mother. The novel opens with Bree learning of her mother’s death and dealing with the fact that their last conversation was a fight about acceptance into UNC’s Early College program. The story then skips forward three months to Bree at UNC. Bree comes across to everyone as strong (and she is really) but that is because she is burying her grief and her guilt. I really connected with her here because so many people put on a brave front when really they are crying inside and that conflict within herself is what really drove the story. Deonn also used Bree’s burgeoning powers as a wonderful metaphor for grief as her powers would show up at the randomness of times and they were often when Bree was at a low point (or in danger). Bree never really comes to terms with her power until she comes to terms with her relationship with her mother and her own history. The wonderful growth that Bree go through throughout the novel is beautiful and (without giving spoilers) she deserves and own what happens to her in the end. I somehow got spoiled to the ending, but it didn’t ruin my enjoyment of the novel and the moment when Bree fully embraced her power I cheered.

I would be remiss to not gush about the world building of Legendborn that Deonn clearly poured her heart into. The King Arthur legend is so complex as it was been played with by so many authors throughout history and I love that Deonn added to the canon. The magic rules were well thought out and made sense, making it fully believable. What I especially loved is that she created what magic would be like from a Black American perspective, called Rootcraft. It had it’s own specific rules that made sense but also clearly felt rooted in Black culture. I love magical stories, but I really loved how Rootcraft was presented and how Bree got to experience it. Having the two magical systems, for lack of a better word, brought a nice contrast to how our ancestors history shapes us and influences our present. The magic, both Rootcraft and Legendborn, felt so real that I could imagine it existed in our society.

Lastly, I cannot say enough how much I loved this novel. Don’t sleep on it and buy it today. 

[mundanemoongirl]

I do agree that Sel is less of a trope in Legendborn. Reading Bloodmarked skewed my view of a lot of things from the first book. Still, I could tell just from one line of dialogue and description of his appearance that he was going to be the broody, toxic love interest. That’s a problem if your characters are that predictable. Another thing, I specifically remember Sel admitting that Bree was obviously a oblivious once-born and he can’t believe he ever thought otherwise once he spent time alone with her in the trial. Part of that is to save his pride, but if he was willing to admit it was foolish to focus so much on Bree as a threat, then I think we can too.

Regardless, I liked Sel’s character more in Legendborn. Bloodmarked is where he really devolves into a trope.

Sel actually does continues to hurt Bree after he acknowledges she’s not a threat. He mesmers her without her consent, which Bree does immediately forgive after he saves her life. But I think that’s just bad writing and not a reflection on her character.

I have no idea where you got the idea that I said Sel was hurtful for the sake of it because I said the exact opposite. The fact that he has reasons for his actions plays into the trope. In fact, it’s thd main qualification. If he was hurtful for the sake of it, that would make him evil. Having reasons is what makes him morally gray. Above anything else, these characters fit into this trope because they are morally gray. It doesn’t matter what the reason is.

I actually think this excuses thing is gross. Once again, these books are meant for teen girls who know very little about relationships but think they are experts. The message Sel’s character and his relationship with Bree is sending is “I know he hurt you, but he had a valid excuse so it’s okay to fall in love with him.” I work with children and teenagers. I can already see them trying to use this book to debate me about relationships. No, I am not making this up. They think they know better than me because of the nonsense they see on Youtube or read in books. Considering who this book is intended for, these types of characters will always be a hard no for me.

I do know Nick isn’t inherently nice. My point was that he is a better love interest because he is nice to Bree. Maybe I didn’t say that in this post because I wrote that right after waking up, but I know I wrote it in my previous Legendborn post.

Also, if you really can’t see that Nick was written off in Bloodmarked then we really have a problem on our hands. Most of the Legendborn characters were written off. But Nick specifically wasn’t even seen in person until after halfway through the book. He was a major character in the first book, then gone for most of the second. That’s being written off. He couldn’t be there because if he was then Bree would be more focused on her relationship with him than hers with Sel. Or if Deonn really leaned into Bree and Sel’s relationship it would look even more like cheating than it already is with Nick around. For them to work, Nick functunally can’t be there and conviently, Nick is not there.

If you don’t see Sel as a trope, then I guess that’s good for you. But I always will because in every book I read I know exactly who these characters are and what they will do just from reading their introduction. To me, that means they’re a trope.

Thanks for giving me something to think about today.

Huh… really interesting to read that you think Sel is more trope than character when it seems like that’s how everyone feels about Nick. I have always felt weird about not really being into Sel. We have seen the brooding, dark haired love interest a million times.

Exactly my thoughts. I never really liked that type of character to begin with. I think people don’t see Sel as a trope because 1. they eat that trope up and 2. they think being morally gray means a character has depth. They do not, in fact, have depth. They are all copy and pastes of each other.

I actually rolled my eyes when Sel was first introduced because these characters are so predictable. They all start off hated by the FMC (yet she always ogles him). They all hurt people, including her. But they all also do some nice things which makes them immediately forgivable in the FMC’s and audience’s eyes. For years I’ve been wondering why these characters are so popular in books made for girls in their formative years. Why are we trying to teach them to love men that hurt them?

About Nick, I think he seems like a trope because Deonn wrote him off in order to give Sel a romance arc. He could have had so much more depth than Sel with the identity crisis thing going on, but then the romance Deonn wanted wouldn’t have worked.

I try to write MMCs more like Nick. I will admit it is challenging to create a character who is both nice and compelling, but there are ways to make it work. And we need to make it work. We need more diverse storytelling than falling back on what everyone else is doing, and we need to move past the internalized misongyny that keeps making its way into books made for girls.

I hope the girlies aren’t too mad about this take.

[badbookopinions]

Legendborn - Tracy Deonn

I liked this, though not as much as my 14-year-old sister, who is obsessed. 

Bree Matthews, mourning the death of her mother, is going to a pre-college program at the University of North Carolina. When a party gets attacked by monsters and members of the student body fight them back, Bree is embroiled in a world where the bloodlines of Arthurian legend have been charged to protect the world from evil. Searching for the truth behind her mother’s death and her own powers, Bree breaks into the good old boys club to find some answers.

If you have ever in your life had a strong opinion about the Mortal Instruments, positive or negative, you need to read this book. I’ve spent a lot of time reading about secret societies related to myth/religion and girls with undiscovered powers who become part of them. It’s a fantastic twist on the story to emphasize the privilege and power those organizations have - and then have a Black girl as the powerful person to join. It makes the story more relevant, the objections against her joining more interesting, and makes the organization itself more realistic. (I’m looking at you, perfect angel-blooded Shadowhunters who never do anything wrong even though we can see them doing it.)

Overall, this was a very strong start from an author I’m excited to see more of. I thought the characters were interesting, the concept fantastic, and the plot twist at the end was STUNNING. 

I especially loved the contrast between the white, Welsh-based magic practiced by the Order of the Round Table and the African-American Rootcraft passed from mother to daughter. I loved seeing the differences between their ideologies and practices, and can’t wait to see more.

That’s not to say this book was perfect, though - the plot especially suffered from clumsy pacing and tropes. Bree is always running away from important conversations or falling asleep or crying - often multiple times per chapter. The story takes place over a few weeks and in this time Bree and Nick are widely accepted to be in love (I hate insta-love as a trope). Monsters attack in a few hundred words at the end of chapters in ways that screw with the whole pacing. 

And I had some issues with Bree at the beginning - she seemed to exist largely as an audience stand-in with no real personality traits except that she was angry and had a goal. We saw her start to develop into an actual character nearer to the end of the book, though, and hopefully this continues.

Also in a university no one fucking studies at all. Which I hate. Unrealistic. 

Plot: tropes everywhere. Which, one one had, I thought it was really interesting to see how some of those deconstructed and related to a Black main character - the bigotry she faced was five times more interesting than people disapproving of Clary being ‘normal.’ The reveal of the secret society as elitist and super-white, which we all objectively knew but was so wonderful to see played out. On the other hand, it occasionally made the pacing a mess and introduced the insta-love I detest. And I think I sense a love triangle coming up (though my sister is convinced they’re best friends) that I’m really not looking forwards to - unless Deonn takes advantage of Sel’s bisexuality and makes the triangle work out in the non-coward’s way. But I’m definitely reading the second book, because, again, THAT PLOT TWIST. 

Characters: tropes here, too. Nick: good guy with a tragic backstory and a heart of gold. Sel: bad boy with a tragic backstory and a heart of gold (although a bad boy who doesn’t treat Bree like shit, so he has that going for him). Alice Chen: the supportive best friend with way too little page time. Bree herself: everygirl, complete with extra anger, witty commentary, and a secret power (so, wish fulfillment everygirl). The other pages: a rich set of dudes with a couple character traits each. This makes it sound worse than it was - the characters are largely likeable and their relationships are interesting. I think the mentors of this book were the characters I’d like to see expanded more on - Bree’s story progresses largely thanks to the Black women who mentor her through her powers, and every time they interacted with Bree it was delightful.

Setting: I would like to know more. This was very well-done. I’ve already mentioned how I loved the contrast between White Arthurian magic and Black Rootcraft, but I’m going to do it again because it was so cool. I think Deonn could take a few steps back on the excessive capitalization, though. 

Prose: occasionally artsy in a bad way. Especially at the start, before it really gets going with the plot, I was annoyed by Bree’s dramatic descriptions of grief and anger. She’s got this metaphorical other person inside her named After-Bree who she blames all of her anger on in a way I found really clumsy at the start. It hits its stride by the end, though, and when certain flashback chapters are told in flashes/verse, I ate it up instead of cringing like I probably would have at the beginning of the book.

Diversity rating: very very very good. It’s a story about the legacy of slavery and being Black in the South of the U.S., and it’s clear in the all-white order and the Black people Bree surrounds herself with (with the exception of Alice, who is Taiwanese). It’s also got a ton of queer rep in the background - in particular, someone nonbinary, a wlw and mlm couple, and Bree’s alternate love interest is bisexual.  

[austennerdita2533]

A/N: Just a Literati trifle in celebration of GG’s 20th Anniversary Week. I still have another chapter or two to write but I wanted to get this out before the event officially ended. (Canon compliant + OS + divergences)

Also here: (AO3)

Enjoy! 

xx Ashlee Bree

An Archive of Words Between Us

One day, many weeks into it but still no closer to clarity about what it is between them, Rory does what she does best: she makes a list.

Marked at the beginning, from when she and Jess first met, she soon starts to add to it with frightening regularity. A new entry comes any time there’s news, insight, questions, or growing confusion to report. She writes it all down. Out. She compiles everything in a beat-up old notebook she’s taken to carrying around.

Over the years that follow it becomes a confessional of sorts for her, a still developing story. She reaches for a pen whenever the mood strikes, and writes…then writes some more…

Committing to paper all the things they’ve said to each other over the course of their history, as well as many of the things they didn’t.

- i. things we said when we were strangers -

“Hey, Dodger, wait a minute,” she calls out before he disappears behind the gazebo. “Is this a gimmick of yours? Do you always write margin notes in the books you steal from strangers?”

Jess stops. Casts a cursory glance over his shoulder before turning back around with hands in his hoodie pocket.

“Depends, I guess.”

“On?”

“Does it matter?”

Rory shrugs.“You could be a literature-defacing miscreant on the lam for all I know. Your face might be tacked to Wanted posters all over New York City. I’ve got to edge my bets, protect my assets.”

“What,” he says, “you aiming to sentence me without a trial or something?”

“Thinking about it.”

“Wow. I can’t believe you’re going to bust out the cuffs already, Judge Judy,” he chuckles, raising his hands in supplication before rocking backwards on his heels like he’s been shot. “That’s not very neighborly.”

“Sounds like there’s evidence to be had if I dig a bit.” A pause. A teasing quirk of an eyebrow. “Is there?” she asks.

Though he stays silent at this, a spark of something catches deep in his dark eyes as their gazes meet, and Rory's stomach flips.

“Well?”

“You tell me,” he says, all smooth and inscrutable and James Dean cool as hell.

“I’m no Agent Scully at the FBI, but the truth is out there. Don’t think I won’t uncover it,” Rory replies, her wit flowing strong and sure. “If I think it’s warranted I could hire Kirk to lay chase for a while…he likes detecting. Takes payment in Skittles, too. Boxes of which I will have no trouble acquiring, I assure you.”

“Who the hell’s Kirk?”

“Let me worry about that,” she beams back at him coyly, bouncing the book he’d pilfered earlier against her hip.

“Save your Skittles, concerned citizen. I’m clean.”

“Oh, yeah? And why should I believe you when I hold proof to the contrary?”

“Because—” Ambling backwards in the middle of the street, a crooked smirk forms along the corner of Jess’s mouth as he gives her one last idle loll of his shoulder. “I only leave notes for people who might appreciate them. Start with the one on page three, by the way,” he adds with a farewell salute. “It’s a doozy.”

Curiosity piqued, Rory ignores the warmth in her chest as she watches him turn to leave a second time. Instead, she buries her nose in the margins of Howl and peruses. Losing herself in his tiny blocked script the whole walk home.

- ii. things we said because we were lying to ourselves -

Pacifying the town's fears about their friendship isn’t easy.

Especially not after Jess outbids her boyfriend at the basket-bidding festival to win an afternoon of her company. Or the night he shows up on her doorstep unannounced, bearing food and intellectual discussion after she swears to everybody else she wanted to spend the evening alone. Or when he wrecks her car on their way back from a spontaneous hunt for ice cream cones.

Then there’s the time she misses Lorelai’s graduation because she’s stuck on a bus next to some scruffy-looking creep who spits chew into a soda can while he mumbles the names of state capitals under his breath in an Appalachian-sounding litany, Rory having skipped town impulsively to visit Jess in the Big Apple after Luke had sent him packing because of an accident that had no real bearing or blame. At least not unless it was half hers to share in, too, in any case.

She expends a lot of energy defending what they are to people. Clarifying what they’re not.

Pretty soon a truncated version of the truth skips from her mouth like a message she’s spent months concocting, memorizing, and then recording, with her smart enough not to speak it aloud until it sounds convincing. And it does. She makes sure of it.

Tensions abate after that, for a time. Mostly because of the distance.

Mom and Dean, in particular, seem to breathe easier with so much of it stretched between them. They’re much happier once Jess is no longer there to lurk around Luke’s, or clog the aisles of Doose’s, or stake out chalkperson outlines on the sidewalks of town where he can draw her closer to him. Too close for comfort, as far as anyone else is concerned. Even if his only aim in doing so had been to imbibe her in intellectual conversation.

Rory finds it funny how his absence from Stars Hollow makes it both easier and harder for her to placate everyone’s misgivings. The words may be simple to say, but the meaning behind them feels deflated. Half-bodied at best.

Like calculus, it causes her headaches. Forces her to work twice as hard to make everyone believe she doesn’t care that he’s gone and likely never coming back again. That the vacant space he’s left behind doesn’t sting whenever her gaze passes over it, remembering.

Exhausting though it is, however, she does her best. She makes the effort.

She starts by dolling out extra attention and assurances to Dean about her commitment to him. To their relationship. Then she pivots around mention of Jess’s existence to her mom because she knows she doesn’t approve of him let alone agree about any of his good qualities. With Lane, she focuses on school and Mrs. Kim and music they can add to her floorboard collection. And in front of Luke, so as not to burden him with more disappointment, she acts as if nothing is different. Pretends that nothing much has changed.

Omission quickly becomes a habit for Rory. A way of life.

Only once does exposure threaten to spoil everything when her mom confronts her openly one afternoon about a placeholder that’s slipped out of her copy of For Whom The Bell Tolls.

“It’s nothing,” Rory says as she makes a quick grab for it in the kitchen and blushes.

“Really? Because nothing to me looks a hell of lot like a paper plate fragment. One that’s smudged in pizza grease and blue scribbles.” Laughing, completely unaware of her daughter’s wide-eyed discomfort and humiliation, Lorelai hands it back to her without inspecting it closely. “I’m surprised by your choice is all. Messy and makeshift isn’t your typical bookmark M.O., hun.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when Paris accosts you at the break bell. You drop things. People jump, drinks spill. Beloved bookmarks go soaring…”

“Ah. I take it she was yelling in dog decibels again?”

“More like she put out an APB on all aliens living a few hundred million lightyears away and then gave them exact shouting coordinates for where to find her. So same difference, really.”

Her mom snorts. Passes over the ranch dressing.

“She’s a pill, that one. I’m telling you Pink wrote that song with her in mind.” Shaking her head, Lorelai closes the fridge behind her as she bites into another French fry. “So how’d you come by the plate?” she asks, her mouth full.

“It was spontaneous. I was running late so I nicked it from the cafeteria on my way out,” Rory lies, knowing full well Chilton never dispenses paper or plastic dishes for dining.

“Oh.” Her mom considers this. “Well, I suppose there were times even Madeleine Albright couldn’t find anything better to use in a pinch. That was very…replateful of you.”

“What can I say,” she exhales with relief, feigning amusement as her fib is accepted with alacrity, “the Forks was with me.”

“Only the Forks? Don’t tell me you’re leaving out the spoons and the knives. How could you?” says Lorelai, aghast, as she scoops stray kitchen utensils to press them against her chest in a bodily cuddle. “It’s cutlery discrimination!”

“No, it’s punning.”

“Says who?”

“Me.” A pause. A nibble of pizza. “Also, Shakespeare would agree.”

“Psssh, Shakespeare! That old killjoy,” her mom says dismissively, rolling her eyes in good humor as she tucks a box of strawberry Pop Tarts under her armpit and motions toward the living room. “What’s that you have written on the inside there, anyway? French? Calculus? Rolling Stone lyrics? A blueprint for the evil plan you’ve hatched to shoot Grandma to the moon? I’m dying to know.”

Waving her off, Rory tucks the shard back into the spine of her book where it belongs. Hiding it from view. “It’s for school,” she assures her as they settle onto the sofa.

“So tell me about it. I don’t care if it’s boring.”

“Pass.”

“Come on! I could use a good Chilton-instigated snooze.”

“Too bad. No beauty naps for you.”

Lorelai pouts, fake affronted. “Rude!”

(Turns out that ‘shard,’ that ‘thing for school’ which is stuck between the pages of Rory’s Hemingway, isn’t boring at all. In fact, it has a history. A story. The truth is it’s a souvenir she’s saved ever since she and Jess talked books over pizza at Antonioli’s on basket-bidding day.

Toward the end of the meal he’d ripped off a piece of plate so he could jot down his phone number and a quote. Only sliding it into her hand, folded in half, crinkled up like a note passed between desks at school, in the moments before they parted ways and headed home.

It’s stupid she’s kept it. She realizes that now. Stupider still to slip it between the pages of each new book she reads or unfurl it in the privacy of her bedroom to puzzle out if the line he’d included from A Moveable Feast is meant to have double meaning:

“We ate well and cheaply and drank well and cheaply and slept well and warm together and [liked] each other,” it reads.

Stupidest of all, she can’t seem to bring herself to stop looking at it. To throw the darn thing away. A note…a number…a greasy sliver of paper plate!)

“Like I said, Mom,” Rory swallows before smiling over at her convincingly, “it’s nothing. Really.”

- iii. things we said on the verge (of something) -

In early June, Sookie’s wedding day arrives.

Things are static again. Serene. Normal.

Granted, slight changes do sprinkle into the mix here and there because of her dad’s presence, because Dean holds her a little tighter around the waist now than he once did, but mostly it’s the same here as it’s always been. Pleasant people fade into gossip and nonsense while fun blurs into peculiarity.

Life feels simple once more. A tad plain and colorless, maybe, but simple.

Then Jess returns to town on a whim or a fluke or a who the devil knows what he’s thinking and everything goes sideways, pear-shaped, belly-up-and-down in seconds because this is the last thing she’d been been expecting and suddenly the only thing that registers is the length of the grass plus the number of steps it will take to close the distance between them. All that matters is he’s here, he’s back, he’s near enough to touch, and she’s smiling so hard she can hardly breathe as she drinks him in from head to foot like a glutton: her pulse leaping, her heart lurching free from the cage of her chest.

The whole world tilts. Collapses. The pale yellow of the sun shines down like a spotlight so it’s only a rippling alcove she sees. Just him, just her. Just them canopied beneath these flittering fronds of green.

Any rational thought Rory possesses scatters across the wind with the pollen. And then before she knows it, the ground tilts out like a ramp underfoot.

It pushes her forward. Outward. Sliding her toward him until she’s thrust and tangled in his arms with no memory at all of how she got there, or why their mouths feel so hot and wanton like this, so damn unsatisfied. It all seems impossible considering they’re still pressed together in a kiss that can only be described in one way: illicit.

“Not a word,” Rory pants when they stop and Jess pulls back, his jaw taut, his expression shuttered, to nod once understanding.

“Okay,” he says.

“Promise me.” The huskiness of her voice feels at odds with this demand, with the trembling fist she still has curled in the lapel of his jacket, but she cannot think about her stinging mouth or his tongue right now so she clings to desperation instead. “Can you do that?”

“Okay,” he repeats, all eyes, eyes, eyes. And with that single look, she forgets to breathe let alone digest anything he’s promised.

In the end, it’s an impulse that overtakes them not a decision. It’s a moment of clandestine passion they share, not a confession that will alter the circumstances any.

And yet it’s guilt, not regret, that begins to pull like an anchor in her belly until she’s running in shoes that chafe the back of her heels. It’s terror and confusion, not apology, that ripples along her nerve endings until she’s dashing through the trees like a coward or a swindler because she needs to believe behind her there’s still a haven of black and white she can cross with both feet.

Only when Rory stops does she feel the change. Does she discern the difference. It takes one sting, one breathless stitch in her side, for her to know she’s tumbled forward into color without noticing.

Looking down, and there it is. His name already singed across her chest in scarlet letters.

- iv. things we whispered on the hood of your car -

“Tell me something no else knows.”

“About what?” he asks around midnight the following April, the two of them sprawled on the hood of his car at a deserted rest stop off the I-95 on their way back from a concert in the city.

“You, silly.”

“Funny you’re thinking about penning my biography already, Churchill. I’m honored, truly, but aren’t I too young for that sort of enumeration?”

With a roll of her eyes plus a protracted har-har, Rory lifts their intertwined hands, watching, mesmerized, as their fingers thread then unthread as they lay side-by-side parked beneath the Big Dipper in this forsaken parking lot. Though they’ve been together about six months now, prying Jess open has been slow work. It’s like taking a crowbar to cement: one chip, one crack, one crumble at a time.

“Stop deflecting, Mariano,” she warns. “Evasion’s for chumps.”

“Fine,” he sighs. She presses a kiss of reward against his knuckles before curling tighter into his side. “How about this: every year roughly sixteen hundred people in New York City are bitten by other humans.”

“Bitten?”

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“That’s just it,” he says in his best horror story voice, “could be vampires, could be cranky commuters, could be urban mania or road rage…nobody knows.”

“Oh, please. As if I’d let you off the hook with that obvious dodge. You’re killin’ me here, Smalls!” Rory says with an elbow rib and tsk. “Second of all, you so made that biting thing up.”

When she edges her head back onto his shoulder to look at him, Jess drags his pointer finger down her forehead before bopping her affectionately on the nose, his expression neutral.

“Didn’t you?” He shrugs in that cute off-the-cuff way of his then smirks into her hairline. “That’s unbelievable!”

“It is what it is.”

“So, what,” she says as she throws her leg over his hip to lug him closer, her arm already stretched out across his middle, “is there a case of zombiepox going around that the CDC has neglected to inform us about? Because I’ve got to tell you if that’s so then I’ll need an inoculation ASAP, mister! Frazzled, bloodshot, and half-rotted is not a good look for me. It just isn’t.”

“Oh, I know.”

“Hey!” she exclaims.

“No offense, critter of Frankenstein,” he chuckles, absorbing her retaliatory swat with a grunt and rolling her further on top of him, “but I’ve seen you pre-coffee. It isn’t pretty. We’re talkin’ bolts out your neck, monster glares, frothing purple mouth and everything.”

“Yeah, yeah. Keep up your running tally and you might find I bite you next. Rory the Ripper does have a nice alliterative ring to it—you best remember that,” she warns all narrowed eyes and silky breath and arms folded under her chin.

Jess cocks his left eyebrow, brushes his thumb over her bottom lip. “Idle threats don’t scare me, Gilmore.”

“They should.”

“Maybe.” A lazy grin forms at the edges of his mouth. “But yours don’t.”

“Fine,” she blows out a breath. With her head resting in the center of his chest, Rory fixes him with one long steady look, her voice dropping an octave lower as it drains free of sarcasm to assume a more serious edge. “Name one thing that does then. That scares you, I mean,” she says.

He doesn’t answer right away. In fact, he fidgets so long beneath her that by the time he settles with his hands clasped behind his head, lost in thought and translation, peering up at the sky, she’s half convinced that silence or deflection is the best she can hope to expect from him in reply.

Reticence is a quality she’s come to recognize in Jess. It’s one she can reflect back at him in part because they’re both cut from the same quiet, introspective cloth. However, it’s also one that restricts her access to his thoughts and feelings when she most wants it, and that can take a toll. Makes her wonder if they’re parked at different weigh stations in this relationship or not.

It’s bizarre to reconcile how she can understand him so well in some contexts, to the point where she can predict his next reaction or sense a good joke hanging in the periphery that's about to descend; while in others, he’s a total head-scratcher. Like a Sudoku puzzle with numbers that don’t add up to anything.

The silence between them continues to stretch. It becomes an awkward, formless wall.

The stillness, too, which is illuminated only by the light of the moon and the faint din of the car radio, hangs between them until he draws her up his body and folds her over him with a green plaid blanket. His fingers tracing languid strokes up and down her spine.

“Swans,” he says at last, his tone subdued. Scratchy. “Swans scare me.”

“What else?”

“Tennis balls. They’re too small and fast as they zip past. I hate how they can leave imprints on your face like ugly yellow snitches.”

“Okay then. Weird but fair. What else?” Rory asks all warmth and eagerness, her eyes searching his for something he wouldn’t want to slip free.

“Pennywise.” Though she snickers at that, it’s a valid fear. Clowns unsettle her, too. Evil ones especially. She’d had nightmares for eight months after she’d read Stephen King’s It for the first time, and had taken to sleeping with the bedside lamp on for years.

“Anything more?” she asks.

“Cricket bats.”

“Ooh-ho!” Poking him, “So Mrs. Kim got to you, did she?”

“Listen, I tried to be cool and unaffected but who knows what would’ve become of my head if she’d taken a swing with that thing?” Jess shudders at the same time she imagines Humpty Dumpty and laughs. “Jeez.”

“Things would’ve gotten messy,” she adds honestly.

He stalls a moment, then blinks back at her all wariness to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “How messy are we talking here?”

Rory cocks her head and bites the corner of her mouth, musing. “Think pumpkins.”

“Smashed ones?”

“Yep.”

“Figures,” he mutters miserably.

With an encouraging pat, “Don’t worry, I would’ve stepped in before Mrs. Kim buried your handsome yet indignant face beneath the floorboards or behind a brick wall in the catacombs with Fortunato. It’s the least I could do since I sort of like you and all.”

“Sort of?” Jess asks.

“Yeah. I’m no unreliable narrator girlfriend who'd escort you to your doom, you see. I’d much prefer to keep you,” she says with an adoring grasp and swivel of his chin, which he deflects by tickling her breathless as she bends down over him.

“Gee thanks, Casper. Nice to know you care about me.”

“Not about you exactly,” she teases, her flip-floppy giggles still piercing the air. “Just your head.”

That stops him. “My head, huh?”

“Sure.” Still a little breathless, she reaches toward him to fist her fingers through thick black tendrils along his nape. “It’s pretty.” She gives the strands a little tug. “Full of thoughts I’m hoping to pilfer for further study.”

“You know, I always thought there was some hoodlum in your DNA. Now I’m convinced,” he says as he leans over to commence the tickling again. “And you will pay."

The two of them continue to roll then thump against his windshield all elbows and knees until the levity starts to leaden and transform. As Jess reaches over to cup her cheek, their gazes meet in the silvery darkness and hold, kindling like flint.

Quiet washes over them again for a moment. Only this time, it’s bloated; it’s heavy. It’s a mess of a hundred thousand decipherable something’s teetering on the precipice of expression.

A flicker of alarm passes over his features as he frames her face with his hands, palms flat against the car. He hovers aloft, unsure. Indecision mixes with fear to tangle with retreat even as gravity beckons him nearer, his head dropping low enough for their foreheads to touch.

“I sort of like you, too, you know,” Jess breathes softly, his lips lowering to press against her mouth in a quick but lingering kiss. “A lot.” His jaw clenches. “Maybe too much.”

Suddenly there’s a tightrope pulled taut and vibrating in every direction because there’s no shrinking back from the dense electricity pulsating between them. There’s no more room to dance around unnamed emotion whenever it identifies itself in blown pupils, in a bobbing Adam’s apple, in hands that slip and slide until they fit together like aligning planets.

In that instant Rory knows. She knows right then and there she’s falling in love with him, that she’s half fallen already. And it’s both a revelation and a fact so natural she can feel the truth of it whistling from deep in her bones.

Looking nervous, vulnerable, more fragile than she’s ever seen him, he swallows hard then shifts to squint out at the shadowy tree line while scratching at his nape. “It’s just…so many people have treated me like garbage that all I know how to do is spoil things. I destroy, Rory—ruin what’s good. It’s what I do best. It’s all I know. I’m trying here and all, but I…don’t know how to do this,” he says, gesturing lamely between them. “How to do us right.”

“Hey now,” she thumbs his cheek, tries to turn his head back toward her but it won’t budge, and neither will he. “That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about. Go easy on him, will you?” He nods into her palm, softening a little. The tension leaves his body as he gathers her in his arms again, her head conforming to the crook of his neck, but she’s not convinced all is well yet.

“There’s no rulebook or anything,” Rory says placatingly. “We’ll figure it out together, okay? You and me.”

“Yeah.”

“We will,” she says with an emphatic, assuring squeeze. “I know we will.”

With a caustic laugh, a heavy sigh, he runs his teeth over his lip, “I’m a screw up, Rory.”

“Hey. Not true.”

“I am.” Jess sounds so resigned, so convinced, it ties her into knots thinking he sees himself that way.

“Not to me, you’re not.”

“No,” he says with a deadened inflection, with a sad downturn of his mouth. “Not to you.”

Frowning, she feels his cynicism, his self-deprecation, descend like a slash across the gut. Helpless to do anything but try to be a soft place for him and his insecurities to land, she pulls him toward her, embracing him, quieting him, caring for him more with each passing second even though a warning gong goes off in her heart when she leans in to steal another kiss.

“Maybe I’m not a screw up to you yet,” he whispers, “but I could be at another time. On another day.”

“Stop,” Rory declares forcefully, holding her finger against his lips so he knows she means it.

Jess relents. “Okay,” he sighs. “Just know I’ll get it if you change your mind.”

- v. things we cried out at a crossroads -

Strained.

Silent.

Distant.

Those are the best adjectives to describe the status of her and Jess’s relationship as the bus pulls away from the curb a couple weeks later. After the party from hell. From her place on the sidewalk, her chest full of a heaviness she can’t name, Rory stares after it - after him - with little to no regard for the hour’s lateness or for the morning bell which signals the start of homeroom.

It’s the middle of May. That means finals, graduation, and summer loom on the periphery but she doesn’t care. None of it resonates. In the background she can hear Paris barking orders at a few trembling freshman and minted sophomores, but she does nothing to intervene. She makes no move to prevent her frenemy’s yellow journalistic splatter from crushing the innocents to smithereens.

Instead, she watches the hum and bump of the vehicle’s dusty rubber wheels as they roll down the street. She tracks the plume of smoke swirling from the exhaust pipe into the sky, which clouds over with blacks and grays instead of with clearing blues and radiant yellows. She waits until the bus turns left, its engine loud, roaring, to putt around the corner. Disappearing from view.

I hope he calls later, she thinks with a pang, with an iota of hope. We need to talk soon.

Rory’s eyes want to keep traveling with him long after he’s gone. So do her feet. They seek to follow along wherever Jess has gone, to ride beside him until they’re able to make sense of this mess between them and fix it. Fix them again.

Unfortunately for them both, they don’t. And it’ll be some time before they can, let alone before they do.

[massiveladycat]

pt 2 of me trying to defend nick davis from avid sel fans "nick and bree only feel a connection because of arthur and lancelot--" but arthur and lancelot were entirely platonic. they weren't forced. tracy saying that made nick x bree feel unauthentic and made many people stop enjoying it.. but sel and bree have a connection in lb because of bree's bloodcraft?? selwyn and bree have chemistry. nick and bree also have a little more chemistry than just physical in my opinion (reminder, imo means im not forcing you to agree and you can have your own opinions. personally i'd love to hear about them)

"it'll be a cute poly relationship--" i don't think bree, nick, and sel should be in a poly relationship personally, RIGHT NOW. i have nothing against polyamorous people. but tracy didn't set it up that way. sure, there have been adorable moments between nick and sel, but then sel turns around and clarifies that'd it'd likely be toxic because sel's previous crush on nick when they were young was a mix of 'mutual hatred and affection' and that isn't good building blocks for a relationship. so if tracy can manage to fix that and maybe ease people into liking that idea, then maybe i'll like it as long as it doesn't feel too rushed. small clarification: im not saying that NO, THEY SHOULD ABSOLUTELY NOT START DATING EACH OTHER!! im saying that even the book has said that nick and sel just may not be a good fit right now. character development is still on the table though also, tracy keeps pushing nick away. why does she keep pushing nick away. so many people loved how nick and bree were together. i will literally start begging for some nick x bree content after bloodmarked

[yououghtaknow]

18 and 20 for the meta asks? also I already commented on clip 3 but fr this clip was so good that was such a good execution of that scene and s5 has been so good and literally brightens my day thank u 💛 i hope you’re doing well

hi, thank you so much!!!!!!!! i hope you’re doing well too <3 <3

i am putting a read more because i am a rambley person, but underneath you will find talks of unused plot points, the parallels between the girl squad and the lad squad, and what taylor swift album(s) i believe each season has the vibe of.

tw for discussion of abuse, mental health problems, addiction and eating disorders

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

skam brighton has. so many aus. because it itself is an au of an original work. me and two of my great writing friends have written a great numbers of aus including but not limited to riordian-verse, glee, doctor who, rwrb, trc, a murder mystery au, and many aus based on comfort media of mine that i started on never finished (house of anubis, barbie movies, etc.). and many of them are unironically so good???? @fingersmithbysarahwaters and @nightwing642 are incredibly talented screenwriters. but also i did write a screenplay adaptations of the first two books in the raven cycle series and 2/3s of rwrb for no reason other than fun and autism.

as for skam brighton. oh boy. not many plot points have been changed, but some certain scenes/character moments were changed. for example, the scene in season 2 episode 8 where liz has a meltdown at the shopping centre and she has a heart to heart with mary was originally liz having a meltdown and running into al in the sensory room. but i wanted to hold back on revealing al as a main character until season 3. 

also in the og season 3, jake and al didn’t break up. as i was finishing the season, i was getting ideas for how i wanted the series to develop (james’s crush on al namely) so i thought it would be good for both of their developments for them not to end up together. also in season 3 i hadn’t planned for jake to move house originally, so there was a scene in the finale episode of the lad squad hanging out, but it got cut because it just didn’t make sense. 

in season 4, al and bree were a lot meaner to each other originally, because i love it when it gets busy at the brighton and the gay people get mean, but then i thought about it and decided it was out of character for both of them to be downright cruel. al and bree also had a scene in season 4 that was cut due to just not making sense. 

also, in season 5, the “inner white girl” scene originally wasn’t in the show at all, but one day i was listening to the song, and about a week before the episode came out, i wrote it. also, bree wasn’t written to be a she/they until literally the day of putting the clip out because i thought it would be cool. that’s it :)

also the way i write is that i write the full clip out in a google doc and then edit it in ao3 about an hour before i put it out, so a lot of changes happen there. just small things, like making dialogue flow better, changing certain songs because i just want to, and sometimes adding in new sequences that i just thought of.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

oh!!!! there!!!!! is!!!!! 

personally, my favourite thing to write is little symbolic moments that make me happy because i play 4d chess in my head with myself every time i write.

before i go off, i must say, so many hints and clues have been dropped for season six so far. season six has been my favourite season to write and i’m already planning a spin-off project based on it to write, and it’s gonna be starting sooner than you think.

so a piece of writing i’ve been thinking about lately is the parallels between the girl squad and the lad squad. before i begin to go off, these are the characters i think parallel each other the most.

jake - sandy james - bree nick - rori theo - esther al - liz

jake and sandy is quite an obvious parallel to draw - both are football players, both begin the series closeted and having a close relationship with bryan - but their personalities are quite similar. both of them are closer with their mother than their father, both use their relationships as a method of protection, and both are afraid of of societal rejection at the beginning of the series. they also both discovered their sexualities and mental health issues over the course of their seasons, and both of their love interests are more outgoing theatre kids. jake and sandy’s relationship is also so interesting to me - because they start as very awkward friends, and jake tries to help sandy by making bryan break up with her, but outs her in the process, and sandy doesn’t want to forgive him. she takes her time and comes to terms with it on her own and decides to forgive him because sandy’s just a sweetheart - and this also parallels the way jake takes his time to forgive his mother. also, in their friend groups, they’re both the newcomer to them, and we get the introductions to the group dynamics in their seasons, and in the later seasons, they’re both a lot more relaxed as they’re in recovery <3

james and bree are also very similar characters. both have problems with substance abuse, both have promiscuous reputations, both have both mommy and daddy issues. they are both dean girls, to put it in spn terms. they’re both very funny, and use humour to cover up their struggles. both are dealing with a lot of mental illness and, throughout the series, it becomes more and more clear. they’re also both seen as “the hot ones” of their groups, with a lot of the characters canonically having small crushes on them (liz, rori and nick with james; rori, esther and annabell with bree). they’ve also both canonically hooked up with sophie. which i just think is fun. they also played mimi and roger together, which i think shows their parallels as addicts and people (with roger struggling with recovery and depression until the end, when he begins to get help, and mimi living the high life until it all crumbles down around her). they also share a want for independence and both are very sana-esque characters (james being middle eastern and religious, bree being the cool rebel girl in season 1).

nick and rori are both the “fun friend”. they’re both comedic relief in the early seasons, but we do get in depth with them as the show goes on. in grease, they play james and bree’s love interests (which is ironic, as rori and bree get together and nick is in love with james), and in rent, they play angel and maureen, the two main comedic relief characters. both of them struggle to connect their asian identity with their british identity, and both struggle with how the world perceives them (nick with their gender presentation and rori with her eating disorder). they both struggle with toxic masculinity and toxic femininity and use humour to cover up their struggles.

theo and esther are similar in the fact that they’re the squad members we know the least about. they’re both jewish, they’re both the mum friend of their respective groups, they’re both autistic and they’re both quite nerdy. they’re the most grounded member of their respective groups and tend to take charge and help make decisions. they’re also both quite sarcastic and very firm in their opinions. 

al and liz are parallels simply because they are both nooras and vildes. they’r eboth autistic, they’re both the odd one out in their friend groups - liz being a lot more serious than the girl squad, al being a lot more in his own little world than the lad squad. they’re both very blunt and straight forward and say whatever they’re thinking.

also just some of my favourite bits of foreshadowing: nick being bitchy to liz throughout season 2 because they’re in love with james….. al talking about his sister to jake in season 3 and whenever al talks to the girl squad, bree insults him or walks away…… in season 4 episode 1, audrey mentions bree’s cousin is pregnant and then when bree finds out the results of her pregnancy test, oh no by marina plays (i’m now becoming my own self fulfilling prophecy)....... nick and all of his gender stuff throughout the series……. just all of the character stuff with grease and rent….. also just bree and rori’s whole relationship arc because it has everything. queerbaiting. subverting expectations. musical homoeroticism. a little cheating for fun. and they were best friends. honestly bree and rori season 3 is very august by taylor swift…… you weren’t mine to lose…….. 

speaking of, no one asked by here’s each season of skambr and the taylor swift albums they’re most like.

season 1 - debut/fearless

bro sandy is just such a debut/fearless era person. she’s looking for her place in this world!!!!!! she has the teardrops on my guitar energy (quite literally sandy pre-canon voice i bet he’s beautiful that boy she talks about and he has everything that i have to live without about bryan and sophie)..... the fun giggly crush songs that are deeply homoerotic….. esther season 1 voice the entirety of you belong with me. like esther really made a deeper connection with sandy in one month that bryan did in years of knowing her. sandy also is the type of person to stan love story, she just thinks it’s such a fun song and she does yell the key change every time it comes on. 

season 2 - speak now/lover

elizabeth!!!!! liz is the type of person who only liked old taylor and then got internalised misogyny and then got over it and loves taylor again. the story of us is canonically a liz/rori song…. yes i am still a liz/rori subtext warrior….. liz is very never grow up and dear john is a very her and james song in the fact that they both relate to it……. when they bonded over their trauma “don’t you think i was too young”...... also lover is a liz season 2 album because it’s about liz learning that love is the most important thing in the world….. liz voice i want to be defined by the things that i love. also the archer is just a skam brighton song because it is an isaac song. also i’m just gonna say it. i like me! it’s a good song when brendon urie isn’t in it, you all are just afraid of having fun. also though liz in season 5 is very better than revenge because, while her season is about unlearning your internalised prejudices, i believe she deserves to be misogynistic for 3 minutes 37 seconds.

season 3 - red

now this is controversial. this season is about depression, grief and anger, and these feelings are red. literally jake voice so you were never a saint and i loved in shades of wrong we learn to live with the pain mosaic broken hearts….. like treacherous….. holy ground….. the whole country pop vibe….. the bitchy songs mocking people’s perceptions of the singer…..  22 is a lad squad song…. also jake voice i remember it all too well but it’s about his father’s abuse and his mother’s neglect…… like the whole season is just jake getting to the point where he is at “begin again”. also i feel like jake would like red because he spent a lot of time watching taylor swift music videos as a youth both because he liked the music and had crushes on the guys in them, and he feels red is the perfect middle between the country and the pop and the indie and he just really likes being sad.

season 4 - reputation

bree big reputation holland!!!!!!!!! she has it all - the romantic drama, the hatred of men, the fucking homoeroticism. bree stans the reputation tour and they have made the entire holland-fletcher family watch it on their netflix (al fucking loved it because he’s a canon swiftie, audrey had a fun time, patrick was a little confused, but has the spirit). listen bree “i did something bad”. bree “look what you made me do”. bree and rori “new year’s day”. bree voice i swear i don’t love the drama, it loves me!!!!!!!!! like the reason the season has a lot of reputation songs and ends with daylight from lover is a metaphor for bree leaving their reputation era…. also reputation has she/they vibes

season 5 - 1989

1989 my best friend 1989!!!!!!! i am coming out here as a 1989 (deluxe) stan. it’s just a serotonin album for me and it is just so nick. the mocking songs about their reputation…… the genuinely deeply depressing homoerotic songs that have fun upbeat music…… the cars….. also clean is just such a nick song. he is in recovery, he is just so personal to me. also nick voice one night he wakes strange look on his face pauses then says you’re my best friend and you knew what it was he is in love!!!!!!! nick canonically in love with all of their best friends braxton!!!!! also nick feels like a 1989 stan because they just have those fun energies. nick WILL scream the spoken part of shake it off at the top of his lungs. also new romantic is just a skamverse song in general. also just. out of the woods. no reason for me to say it other than it’s one of my favourite songs of all time.

season 6 - folklore/evermore

no evermore is not out yet. yes i am claiming it for season 6. see taylor has said that these albums are all about telling stories/fairy tales and that’s what season 6 is about. i cannot wait until next friday when the main and my plans for the hiatus are revealed…….. genuinely i do not know how anyone perceives skam brighton so i don’t know who people think the next main is, but…… i can only describe the state of me writing this season as the various ambiguous disorder gifs.

[bookish-black-girl]

Hmm so Legendborn? Let’s review:

Y’all, I haven’t had a 5 star review since January??? I think?? It’s been so. Long. I’m so, so, so happy I was picked for the Hear Our Voices Book Tour because I want to scream to the rooftops about. This. Book. AHHHHHHHHH! 

I was a straight UP goober and didn’t take notes while reading, didn’t use my book stickers, and didn't do a liveblog soooo this is all going to be from the top of my head (plus furiously flipping through pages to jog my memory.)

Disclaimer #1 I received a finished copy of the book and it in no way impacted my thoughts or opinions

Disclaimer #2 I had no prior knowledge/interest in Arthurian lore but Tracy Deonn writes in such a way that it's still easy to understand the setting and the world at large.  "Now, on with the review!"

Briana "Bree" Matthews is a Black girl from the south still reeling from her mother's death and we enter her story as she attends the Early College program at UNC with her childhood best friend. Within the first seven-ish chapters we're ushered into this world of magic and demons and Bree's quest to disprove that her mother's car accident wasn't really an "accident". 

Grief, Trauma, and (Black) Mental Health

I read the Author's Note before diving into this read, and Deonn writes about losing her own mother and how that grief and trauma manifested itself in her life. This book is just as much a labor of love as it is one of healing, and I feel like Bree's character and her hardships carry that essence. I love that therapy is normalized and I love that it's Bree's dad, a Black man, who supports her and pushes for Bree to get help (even if she accepts at first for ulterior motives.)

I'm a BIG advocate for Black folks getting counseling as it's something that really saved me in college, and I hope it's more accessible for everyone sooner rather than later.

Grief isn't a one size fits all type deal, and there were many things brought to my attention as I read. I'd love to see more books that delve into this subject matter in fiction, especially so we can continue to destigmatize it. Bree is angry, but that anger doesn't just materialized from thin air, and I'd argue that everything she feels as she grows and heals and moves forward in this story is valid.

Love in Different Forms

romantic 

Oooh chile, I loooove me a good romance, but I wasn't expecting to get one given the premise of this book. (I also didn't read the blurb and went in completely blind. So.)

Guys, I think Nick Davis has earned a place on my "bookish boyfriends" list and lemme tell you why. Yes he's got the heroic, dashing, hulking, and make-everyone-swoon thing happening, but there's this one part I'd like to draw everyone's attention to on page 214:

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, or maybe 16 year-old-me is still camping out in my heart and being reminded of why I devour romance novels like I do, especially when the protagonist looks like me. It's reaffirming to see Black girls loved, sought after, cherished and adored for being nothing but themselves. Even before this point, Nick makes his affection and attraction clear, and it only deepens as the story progresses and the going gets hella tough. SURE Bree is later revealed to be King Arthur's descendant and Nick Sir Lancelot, but I'd like to believe that the connection shared is much more than a king-knight relationship, smh, let me have this ish, okay??

There were some doubts creeping in that this series might involve a love triangle complex and after reviewing all the facts: 

Bree finds Sel, the Kingsmage, attractive, 

Sel comments on Bree's looks in a positive, attraction-adjacent way once they're on better terms

Sel does still care for--love-- Nick romantically even if it's unrequited, 

There's a hinted connection/bond between Sel and Bree that (I think) is to be explored in future books 

on top of the fact that their mothers were dear friends...

I've determined endgame has gotta be Bree-Nick and I won't be led to believe otherwise.

familial (and friendly)

Between Bree and her mother, her parents, Bree and her father, Bree and her grandmother, Bree and Alice, Nick and his mother, Sel and his mother...the love their is heartwarming as it is heartbreaking. Nick, Brie, and Sel all had their mother's taken from them in different but no less painful ways. I honestly didn't think about it until I sat down to write this review, and it's hitting me like a ton of bricks.

Racial Micro and Macroagressions, and Gaslighting

Oof...I read this book in three days, and it left me exhilarated but raw. In infiltrating the Order in her quest for answers about her mom, Bree had to navigate a very white space as a Black woman and it's hard not to recall my own dealings with racism in all it's ugly forms and not be angry for and with Bree. White people who will smile in your face and be nice and later turn around and show their true colors. White woman who are so against misogyny and so for equal treatment but are gate keepers towards any woman who isn't cis or white. White men in positions of power who don't hold back their prejudice or deeply rooted, backwards thinking and see a troublemaker, someone unfit, someone worthless just because of their skin color. White men who don't think Back woman are capable and smart and can hold their own.

All those times in my life where I've brushed off experiences and tried to minimize the hurt or confusion when I was justified to feel outrage and disgust and anger.

The police officer who gives Bree and her friend Alice a ride after getting busted for trespassing

the dean who underestimates and demeans Bree's intelligence

the other pages, squires, and scions who only see Bree as Black and deem her lesser than in their speech, their behavior towards her, etc etc

the friggin parents (Karens) who literally attempt physically harm Bree when she accepts Nick's Squire offer and accuse her of "stealing" the opportunity among other much more insulting words

Lord Davis aka Nick's dad who outright spells out that Bree isn’t fit to be Squire and threatens her just because she's Black and female

and these are just the events that came to mind. 

Reparations Denied and the Strength of Black Women

It's exhausting being a Black woman, and if you add the history of trauma and rape and abuse and other atrocities committed against Black woman (something Deonn confronts head-on in Legendborn) it's no wonder why the Strong Black Woman stereotype came to be. We didn't ask for this, we're just trying to survive and use the tools passed on from our ancestors.

There are a couple mysteries in this book, many are related, but aside from the truth of Bree's mom's death, the other big mystery is what exactly is Bree. Her late mother practices rootcraft, which differs from the bloodcraft in that one borrows magic and the other takes (...colonization anyone?? anyone??) and yet she possesses both on TOP of being a descendant of King Arthur and being Called (awakened) by the end of the book. The answer? Simple but no less devastating. Bree is the byproduct of what a lot of Black Americans are, the babies of Black women raped by White slave owners. Bree's descendant, Vera, in a desperate attempt to save her unborn child makes a promise bound in blood that's past down to each daughter but comes with a high price. It's this love and desperation that is woven into Bree's history, her present, and echoes the reality of real life America.

Recommendations to read next

I usually don’t offer book recs unprompted, but I think fans of Legendborn would enjoy the Nightmare Verse series by L.L McKinney (YA) and Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo (NA).