#because i feel a little cloudy today idk

[kitoblob]

My sibling was scrolling through tiktok trying to show something to me (it was an audio of some sort idk) and they kept seeing edits of taylor swift and sabrina carpenter to the song (i think we were looking for one of Misha Collins, angel extraordinare ?? Idk) and then they screamed at their phone “STOP IT I DONT WANT TO SEE MISHA CARPENTER ANYMORE!!1!1!1!“ and i stopped breatjing. I wan tto learn how to braid now

[jasmineoolongtea]

Hiiii how ya doing? I'd like to req a Megumi X Reader plsss. Smth where the reader is super shy and antisocial (could be due to trauma or their own experience whatever works for you) so they're mostly by themselves because they choose to and avoid people unless it's training and even so they're just alone (or with a mentor IDK). Still, everyone tries to get close to them and Megumi seems like he doesn't care but he does little gestures to make sure reader is comfortable and reader appreciates that a lot. IDRK how to describe this anymore but this is the big picture for me. The rest is up to you. I'M SRY IF THIS LOOKS CONFUSING BUT THXXXXX

a/n: hii anon, i'm doing alright !!! (just kinda busy this week ;-; so sorry for the delay in responding to this) hope you're doing well too !! don't worry i totally get what you mean so i hope that this lives up to your vision 🫡🫡🫡

if most people had to describe you, the word 'loner' or a more polite 'shy' would probably be thrown around a lot with other vague descriptors that only scratched the surface of who you were as a person, but to you, that was the least of your worries.

it was better this way. honestly, was it so wrong to want to keep people at arm's length? contrary to popular belief, there's merit to be found in being alone and you just wish that others had the same understanding that you did.

a 'how are you doing' here and 'wow, the weather's pretty cloudy today' there and you can already feel your energy being sucked away like there was some sort of energy vampire following you around. getting invited to places as a part of a large group was even worse as you were forced to spit out a pathetic excuse that you were sure would leave them wincing from just how bad and thinly veiled it was.

in a better-case scenario, they would pass on an apologetic smile your way before clumsily making their escape away from you and that would be the last you'd hear of them for a while. in worse cases, and unfortunately the more common one from your own personal experiences, their previously friendly faces would quickly morph into a snarl with all of their old pleasantries going out the window as they scurry away from you, though not before throwing some... colourful words and jabs in your direction before they disappear out of your earshot.

you once heard a phrase that sums up conversations like this perfectly; 'water cooler conversations', conversations that are only born out of the belief that silence between people is bad and that superficial, surface-level talk is the better alternative which is a notion you strongly disagree with.

albeit, you know deep down it would be wrong to fault them as after all, they only had nothing but good intentions. however, good intentions can only carry you so far when the recipient isn't necessarily the most willing participant.

at times, some people would just try to strong-arm you into a friendship with them, whether it be figuratively or literally, and those were almost always the most intense and ironically, short-lived ones. there were some who would just flail the moment you stopped responding to them. sure it was awkward, but at least you had the benefit of silence. with others, it felt like looking into the sun and the longer you stared at them, the more likely you're going to end up with a sunburn and the more you missed the comfort of the darkness that you've become so accustomed to.

but with megumi, it was different, in a good way.

with megumi, things felt... easy, for lack of a better word. you didn't feel like you had to force on a polite grin or shallow laugh for appearance's sake. every word, expression and reaction with megumi was raw, genuine and natural and suffice to say, you craved this more than you were willing to admit.

exchanges with megumi were largely wordless most of the time with more being said in between the silence that the two of you frequently shared with one another. it was like you two had your own secret language which was spoken through brief touches and lingering glances and that if you blinked, you would have missed it.

after a particularly rough training session (no thanks to the boiling heat of the midday sun), you find yourself more exhausted than usual to the point where you simply collapse on the nearby bench in a boneless pile.

when you look up, you're met with the sight of an outstretched hand holding a drink, your favourite drink no less, in your direction. the sun's shining right in your eyes so you have to squint slightly to get a better look at the good samaritan that has managed to stumble on you in this state and are surprised to find out that it's someone you're more than well acquainted with.

turns out, it's megumi who's offering you salvation in the form of a bottled drink and you eagerly accept his offer (albeit a bit more eager, which almost veers on the side of desperation, than you were hoping to come off as). for a brief moment, your fingers brush against his as you reach forward to grab it and maybe it's a trick of the light, but you swear you catch a glimpse of the tips of his ears turning bashfully red.

you take a sip of your drink and a grateful sigh escapes your lips. he's not looking in your direction, seemingly more interested in something far off in the distance, however, his shoulders visibly relax and his whole posture loses its once-tensed-up stance once the sigh leaves your lips. his hand hangs awkwardly by his side and for some reason, you're met with the sudden urge to grab it and you wonder what it would be like to hold it - would it be calloused and rough from years of training or would it be surprisingly soft and relatively scar-free despite your lifestyles - but you quickly shake those thoughts away in an attempt to fight the butterflies that flap around in your stomach.

instead, you settle for a tap on his arm which gets him to turn towards you, a curious expression painted on his face as you pat the spot beside you. a silent invitation for him to join you there. he pauses for a moment, as if weighing the decision in his mind before relenting and taking you up on your offer. you don't say it but this is your silent thank you to him and you know he understands you because that's just who he is.

once seated, you're suddenly met with the burning heat of the sun again and you realise that megumi was purposefully standing in the way of the sun for you and was using himself as your own personal source of shade. another little gesture from him to you.

there he goes again, you think to yourself. you're not sure how he does it but it's like he has an uncanny ability to anticipate your needs, sometimes even before you realise it yourself. furthermore, megumi never asks anything from you, not even a verbal thank you, seemingly just content with being able to be near you.

it's a bit confusing if you're going to be honest. to someone who's so used to being perceived as either a social pariah or as someone who can be used for the benefit of others, you're not sure why he keeps on doing all these things for you and why you find yourself being so drawn to him despite everything but you choose not to push it.

deep down, you know that you're scared that if you question it, then it'll just be nothing more than a nice dream that the universe has allowed you to indulge in for a bit but that's a topic for another day.

seeing that the sun is deciding to be very stubborn today and is not easing up on the strength of its rays, you search around the largely abandoned training field by now for a more shaded place and spot a small clearing underneath a tree on the opposite side. you stand up, startling megumi slightly as he jolts upright, and open your hand towards him. he looks at your hand and at you, his gaze drifting up and down before gingerly reaching out and taking your hand in his.

you're right, his hand is softer than you were somewhat expecting though it's a pleasant surprise nonetheless, and make your way towards the shaded area as he trails behind you with your hands connecting you two together like paper dolls. now under the cool canopy of the leaves above you, the heat is much more bearable and you take a seat with your back against the tree trunk.

you let go of his hand as you do this and he quickly follows suit, though this time, instead of allowing there to be a small space between you, he sits right next to you to the point where if you allow yourself to lean right ever so slightly, your shoulders are going to brush against his. even more shockingly, you feel a warm presence on top of your hand and when you look down, you see that it's megumi's hand resting on top of yours. you both don't look at each other, perhaps in an attempt to hide the pale dusting of pink that surely adorns your cheeks.

maybe one day, you'll get the courage to break the silence you've grown so comfortable with but for now, this is all you could ask for and more.

[hearts4leeknow]

pushed away || lee minho (leeknow) x reader

Warning(s): no comfort (at least not in this part), hurtful words unrequited love uses of y/n (pls im sorry idk what leeknow is supposed to call reader) SWEARING!!!

Genre: angst

Summary: you two have been bffs since forever, you two know everything about each other. well not everything.

minho has yet to tell you about the fat crush he has on you, he’s scared it’ll ruin everything so he thinks pushing you away will solve this situation, but it only makes it worse. he ends up loosing his bff the one he loves in the process.

leeknow x reader

!!LOWERCASE INTENDED!!

a/n: just got a random idea based on nothing!

you and leeknow were inseparable, you two told each other everything… well maybe not everything.

what he didn’t tell you is that he liked you, like was an understatement, more like love you. of course he couldn’t tell you what if it ruined years of friendship, what if it makes it awkward what if he gets rejected. he hated rejection and he can’t bare loosing such a precious bond. his feelings for you only surfaced a few months ago, he realized he liked- no loved you when he had gotten extremely sick due to sweating and performing in the rain making him super weak and unable to walk properly due to dizziness. so you took care of him, everyday made him food and soup, tried to make his sick days less cloudy and more sunny, and it worked. you made his worst days still feel happy, that’s when he fell for you and oh boy he fell hard. how was he supposed to handle this, now he gets flustered every time you speak to him he can’t continue like this and he can’t just tell you what if-

“minho hyung” han snapped his fingers in front of minho’s face.

“hi” is all he responded with.

“you were zoning out think about…?” han questioned curious of what his hyung was thinking about.

“oh nothing just spacing out cause you’re to boring” he lied with one of his snarky remarks.

“rude!! i am not boring” han pouted while he flopped onto the couch. you walked in talking to felix.

“min!” you smiled seeing your best friend seated on the couch.

“hi y/n” he returned the smile. felix sat down next to han as those two talked you and leeknow had your own conversation flowing.

oh how leeknow was struggling to keep his composure, you looked so cute in the tight short sleeved shirt with baggy cargos. he felt his face heating up but he was good at hiding it.

“min? are you okay you’re spacing out” you looked concerned and confused. minho usually tells you what’s wrong immediately because he knows he can’t hide it from you, but today he just shook his head.

“min, are you sure you don’t wanna talk about it?” you asked feeling a little hurt that he didn’t want to tell you what was wrong, but you knew if it was something personal you couldn’t force it out.

“i’m just not ready to tell you yet” minho mumbled with a slight frown, he could tell you were upset by it.

“it’s okay take your time” you give him a light smile trying to make him feel at ease. little did you know this would be one of the last real convos you would have with him.

—— 🎀 ——

you 🌷: minnie we haven’t hung out in a while! movie night?

min 🐈: i cant im sorry

you 🌷: how come? we barely hangout anymore..

min 🐈: busy

you 🌷: minho cmon you’ve been saying you’re ‘busy’ for weeks now, what’s wrong?

min 🐈: nothing just want time for myself

you 🌷: ok…

you switched off your phone and flopped down onto your bed.

he’s been ‘busy’ for weeks and he’s saying he wants time to himself but he’s had 3 weeks for that

you thought, you knew there was no way he was just busy or wanted time to himself. wouldn’t he have told you what’s up so you don’t worry? does he not want anything to do with you anymore because he finds being friends with you is embarrassing? it hurt to think about it, now what if that’s what he wanted?

no, it can’t be.

that’s what you kept telling yourself but at the 3 week mark it wasn’t working anymore, you kept getting worried and you felt helpless. you’ve had enough and so you called him…

—— 🎀 ——

ring ring ring…

he picked up his phone seeing your photo as the banner with your name ‘y/n (my love💞)’ he read and he answered.

“minho!” you screeched

“what!” he mirrored the energy

“tell me what’s wrong please? i know it’s not just that your busy or need time to yourself, please!” you begged and pleaded for him to tell you, he wanted to tell you trust me he just didn’t know how.

“i can’t” he didn’t dare say more than that, your pleading voice broke him but what else was he supposed to do?

“minho, i feel like i’ve been pushed to the side by my best friend since childhood, we barley hangout together your always ‘busy’. you’re not telling me something, please?” your voice broke mid sentence, you were at your breaking point.

“no, i can’t always hangout with you! i have a busy idol life unlike you.” minho spewed out in an instant not realizing his words until after.

“what the fuck? minho, im busy too but i always make time for you.” you frown when you hear him lash out.

“whatever, your annoying and just a distraction to me anyways” minho scoffs.

“im-im annoying? ive been your best friend for who knows how long, i’ve always been there for you and now im annoying and just a distraction? wow, i thought you were different, minho. i’ve been trying to drop hints that i like you! but i guess all i am to you is a distraction.” you spill out all the emotions that were inside of me, you were hurt and felt betrayed. “i dont think i wanna talk to you after this.” you say my voice was quiet.

“wait-wait, y/-“ you hung up before minho could finish talking.

——🎀——

as soon as you hung up everything came crashing down on him.

you liked him?

he thought, you liked him back and he ruined everything with his attitude and harsh words. hes hurt the love of his life, how is he supposed to get you back after such words left his mouth? angry tears trickled down his face, this anger wasn’t directed to you though, it was directed to himself. hes messed up, and hes messed up bad.

——FIN——

a/n: i dont know why i decided to post this sosososoossoo late!! im so sorry i havent been active, i havent been feeling well lately. but i promise ill have more stuff up soon! 🤞🏻🤞🏻💞

a/n: @sona1800 IVE LEFT MY POOKS WAITING FOR TOO LONG, im so sorry bby you waited to long and it’s not even that good. i hope you still some what like it 💞💞 (lemme know if i should make a pt2 and if i should make it angst or fluffy 👀👀)

[anemonelovesfiction]

Fated Mates 3

Ao’nung x Fem! Human Reader

Warnings ⚠️ : No full on sex in this chapter (just a sliver of a flashback for you thirsty ahh ppl), very angsty chapter, long asf. Birth scenes kinda explicit stuff.

As always, English is stricken through.

I do wanna let y’all know idk what the family name for Ao’nung and Tsireya are so I had to make one up.

For Neytiri its the Neytiri Te Tskaha Moat’ite; for her children it’s Lo’ak Te Suli Tsyeyk’itan.

So for Ao’nung it’ll be Ao’nung Te Tswa’ìn Tonowar’itan. “Swahh-een”. I also decided to drop the I from Tonowari’s name since the word for ‘son’ starts with an i and if that shit happens in spanish we change the whole word so I’m trynna make it an easy read.

So it’s just “Tonowar’itan” (toh-no-war’ itan)

Translation Station

Ma’itan: My son

Ma’sempul: My father

Tawtute: Sky Person (used as “human”)

Tsaheylu: Bond (with kuru)

Sa’nok: Mother

Itan: Son

Yawne: Beloved

Tìyawn: Love (my love)

Nga yawne lu oer: Beloved you are to me (I love you)

Vrrtep: Demon

Um’ma: Mama

Pukap: Six (6)

Tsmuke: Sister

Tsmuktu: Siblings

Tahnì: Bioluminescent freckles

Kuru: Braid (neural queue)

Word count: 10.7 K because I got carried away again…

<<Previous | Next>>

I’d been at a loss for words as I stood in the water with a heavy feeling in my chest as I’d clearly made Ao’nung upset, but what pissed me off was how he was talking to me like I was a child who didn’t know anything. We’d been paired up together by his father so he could teach me how to fish, but I’d apparently been casting the net too early, alarming the fish and making them swim away. We’d have to stand still for a while before they felt safe enough to return and we’d start the process all over again.

“How is it my fault!” I yelled angrily, scaring away more of the fish that had felt it safe to swim back. I’d let him finish talking before I began because I knew it would give him another reason to be upset with me.

“I’d already told you to back off on casting the net, but you turn around and do it either way!” He yells back, his frustration is clear as the skin of his brows are furrowed as he yells at me.

“Well maybe you suck at teaching!” I returned his sass back to him, feeling it was unfair how he yelled at me. He knew I was strongest with weaving, singing, and dancing, I was starting to learn a little healing with Tsireya, but physical labor wasn’t for me.

“I don’t, you just suck at listening. And you’re too loud! Those feet of yours have never learned to be quiet, you keep splashing around and scaring these fish back to the other clans!”

“The loudest and most obnoxious thing right now is your voice!” I’d stated with a huff as I turned to pull my body up on the walkway to get away from this conversation, already turned around before hearing him speak again.

“And you think running away is going to help you learn?” He asks angrily while crossing his arms across his chest.

“No,” My voice trembled and I hated myself for it but I turned to face him with tears slipping out of my eyes after being humiliated by his words. “But at least I won’t be yelled at for not understanding.” I admitted and through the cloudiness of my tears could see his face shift, seeing Tonowari coming up behind him.

“Yawne-“ He starts but I shake my head and walk off, not bothering to listen to any explanation he had begun rehearsing in his head.

I’d managed to make my way toward my family’s marui and step inside, allowing myself to be welcomed into a hug by my adoptive mother as I cried in her arms, Jake coming next to us as he placed a hand on the small of my back, poor Tuk was sick today and was sleeping at this moment.

“It’s okay, kid, we’ve got you.” Jake reassures me as Neytiri pets my hair gently. If I couldn’t tell them about Ao’nung I don’t think I could ever tell them why I had been crying so I waited for my tears to stop coming and I’d calmed down a bit.

“Whats going on?” He asks and I take in a big breath.

“If I tell you, do you promise you won’t hate me again?” I asked not looking at any one of them specifically but I’m sure by the way Neytiri had stopped petting my hair that she knew I was talking to her.

“What is troubling you?” She asks as she starts petting my hair again.

“I feel guilty for keeping this from you, but I have to tell you whats been going on.” I admit and Jake lightly rubs the small of my back to urge me to continue.

So I tell them from the beginning about a month and a half ago when I’d been swept away from the current and how Ao’nung saved me but wasn’t aware of the sex pollen in the cave. I’d told them about our attempts to hide our relationship from the group and how Tsireya had noticed, becoming upset that her brother hadn’t confided in her, and how we finally introduced myself as his girlfriend. Then how Spider had become nosey and Ao’nung telling me we’d have to tell our friend group. How the two of us had this petty fight over fishing and how inadequate I felt with learning this new skill. Ending with the inner turmoil I’d felt myself fighting because I couldn’t tell them when in reality I just didn’t want Ronal to find out because I didn’t want a repeat with what happened with Neytiri when she found out.

“You think we haven’t noticed?” Jake asks with a small scoff.

“Y/n, you smell of him quite often.” Neytiri comments while continuing to caress my hair but I jump and look at them, the two were smiling gently.

“You- you aren’t mad at me?” I asked in a small voice, feeling like I deserved to be called out for moving on too quick, or for moving on at all? Mo’at has remained single this entire time and although I’m certain they don’t allow themselves to be mated to another and mourn their entire lives, she had been mated, Neteyam and I had not.

“Why would we be mad at you?” Jake asks but I’m focused on the beautiful omaticaya woman before me, wondering if she’d start yelling at some point, or capture her slip from the calmness she was portraying.

“Because- Neteyam,” I stated as if it were obvious and Neytiri’s face softened.

“Y/n, what I had done before was-“ She pauses as she speaks and looks like she’s trying to find the right words to say.

“I was wrong for what I had said and ma’itan had shown me that in the way he loved you, I have never truly apologized to you but I hope you can forgive me for how I had acted after finding out. I prided myself in having a son who would take over once Jake and I were no longer alive, wanting him to take over with a tsahik of his own and blinded myself in the perfect fantasy I built in my head, forgetting that Neteyam was his own person and had his own feelings.” She stated while looking back up at me, hand outstretched to place my cheek in as she continues holding eye contact.

“I am very well aware of how much you loved Neteyam, you would often look for him and the way it seemed that all of the weight left your shoulders when you found him was proof enough for me. The way you comforted him whenever he’d had an uneventful day or an unsuccessful hunt were the many ways that proved me wrong.” She tucks a piece of my hair that had suddenly fallen loose right behind my ear.

“You, too, are your own person with your own feelings. You are allowed to move on from this and feel love for another. Your life is not as long as ours is, therefore the part where you move on to enjoy life has to be celebrated as well. And I want you to know you have our full support.”

“Neytiri-“ My tears were blinding my vision and I’d started crying for the second time today as she embraces me with her arms, and I could feel warmth spreading all over.

“We want you to be happy, kid, no matter who thats with.” Jake stated as I feel him joining in on the hug and I let out some light hearted laughter at his words.

“When Ronal finds out- and she will eventually- you shouldn’t let her words get to you. She might have choice words to say as this is something new for her, but Ao’nung said he doesn’t care what his mother says, and thats exactly what Neteyam said to me. He will stick by your side and this little argument between the two of you is not the end and I doubt his mothers words will end your relationship, okay?” He reassures me and I nod into his shoulder.

“Atta girl,” He says happily and we all disband from our hug.

“Now if you could help us by watching Tuk while we go do- something, you would be helping us tremendously!” Jake places an enthusiastic smile and two thumbs up as he states that and I could only roll my eyes in fake disgust.

“For being my adoptive parents you guys are gross,” I joke but shoo them away with my hand.

“Go have your adult fun times but please do not make another child!” I whisper-yelled at them and can hear Jake’s chuckle before it stops abruptly after Neytiri had hit the back of his head.

“Don’t rush home either, Tuktuk usually doesn’t need much when she’s sick and likes to rest. I’ll just weave to keep myself busy, I’ll get her some fruit in a bit so she has something in her stomach.” I reassure the two as they thank me before leaving. I once again roll my eyes after they’d left and I could hear their little laughs, finding myself laughing lightly in the marui to myself.

“Well sleeping beauty,” I looked over at Tuk’s form as she slept peacefully. “It's just you and I.” I smile softly, walking over toward where Neytiri kept her yarn and began weaving a blanket.

_________

“That was quite the screaming match.”

I hadn’t bothered reacting to my father’s voice as he came up behind me, but turned to look at him with an unamused face, not really caring how rude it seemed to stare at him in that way.

“I’m sorry for causing a scene.” I apologized to him out of habit.

“No, ma’itan, I’m not the person you owe an apology to. You owe it to your mate.” He stated simply and I nod along to what he had said.

“I just want her to be-“ I stopped myself from continuing as my eyes move to face him, my face unmoved, I’d absentmindedly agreed to what he had said and started an explanation like nothing. I could tell he was hiding a smile but I wanted to scream- the biggest secret I had been hiding and he sniffed it out after an argument? How was I going to continue hiding this now.

“How?” I asked him, I knew he would understand why I had asked that, and awaited his answer.

“You do not think I know you?” He asks with a smirk on his lips. “You disappear from one task and not long after she is headed off in the same direction. I believed my mind was playing tricks on me until I caught your smell lingering with hers. No matter how much you two act like you cannot stand the other, you’re letting the act slip the longer you spend time together.” He says as I wince a bit at having been discovered.

“Is it that obvious?” I asked him while looking away in embarrassment, feeling his hand snake around my shoulders giving me a comforting squeeze.

“No, to everyone else you guys argue a lot, to the trained eye, it’s starting to become obvious. How did this start?” He asks and I can feel a blush building on my face, was this something I really wanted him to know?

“If you want my honesty, I’ll need you to pretend you aren’t ma’sempul for the moment.” I stated and he nods, taking his hand from my shoulder and placing it in his other hand.

“It started when she was swept by the current underwater.” I admit to him.

“That far back?” He asks in shock, it had been quite a while looking back at it but it also felt like this had just happened. I only look at him with an annoyed expression after he’d cut me off and he raises his hands in defense.

“Well two weeks before that I visited Neteyam in the spirit tree,” I rubbed the back of my neck as I tell him. “-without a diving partner, and he told me that he had chosen her as my mate because Eywa said I had a temper-“

And with that he chuckles as if he had agreed with that statement, I turn to glare at him once again and he holds his hands up in defense once more. Letting a small apology out as he looks back down to the water and urging me to continue.

“I took her to my thinking cave, the one with the white lilies, I swear I didn’t know the flowers were in bloom, she’d ended up getting some of the pollen on her hand and she wiped it on her leg, but later used that same hand to rub her face. I had no idea it affected tawtute the same way it does for us, but one thing lead to another and we mated without tsaheylu.”

“According to JakeSully, tawtute mating doesn’t need tsaheylu, according to her and her people, you have already bonded with her.” He stated wisely and I raise a brow at his words.

“Does he share with you from when he was tawtute?” I asked out of curiosity and he grunts, confirming what I asked.

“Some times I ask him as I get curious about his life before he became a Na’Vi. Especially after catching her smell on you the day after the union ceremony.”

“It must have been the blanket I’d given her to use to warm up in the cool night air, she had mentioned that tawtute are sensitive to temperatures and I wanted her to be comfortable for when she was introduced to Tsireya as mine.”

“You should apologize to her with a kind gesture, a gift.” He says and it catches me off guard.

“What kind of gift? I do not know what she prefers jewelry wise and am only able to make armbands, I doubt she’d need a spear-“ I started rambling off as he chuckles.

“Whatever you decide to make, use it to apologize to her, okay? I’ll tell the others you weren’t feeling well since you’ll be a little too busy to go on this hunt with us.” He cuts me off with a smile and I can only nod at his answer.

“I want you to know something, Ao, you will have many fights like these. Some will be easier to apologize than others. Some of them you will be wrong and some of them you will be correct- but apologize either way, even if you are correct. I can guarantee her own apology will follow after even if she was right.”

“Is that what you do when you and sa’nok argue?” I raised a brow and smile widely, not needing to hear his response.

“We are still together after many rotations, are we not?” He asks smugly and I let out a laugh.

“With that being said, women also like it when other people tell their mate they were in the wrong. In this case you wanted to teach her to fish, but you let your temper get in the way. You were in the wrong, itan, you must go make this right.”

“I see,” I nodded at him just as his right-hand-man shows up to ask about the hunting they’re supposed to be starting. My father tells him to gather anybody willing to participate and turns to me once he leaves.

“Make her an armband, she doesn’t wear much jewelry and I don’t think she’s the kind of girl to wear much. I will see you when I get home, okay?” He asks and I nod, turning to head over to our Marui to fix up a quick armband.

I’d managed to find the right materials but struggled to find the correct colored rocks and shells. There had only been one other time that I had asked her what her favorite color was and the answer had honestly shocked me. But I knew I had to incorporate it in the armband I was making and felt giddy once I stumbled upon the colors I needed.

~~~~~

“So what’s your favorite color?” I asked her as I slowly thrust into her, watching her greedy cunt swallowing me whole, whimpering at the sight and feeling.

“Is th-this really the time?” She struggles to think of her words stuttering badly.

“Yes yawne, I’ll let you come if you answer.” I tried keeping my composure but failing to do so with how well she took me, I was on the edge myself.

“It’s you,” she responds and meets my thrust halfway with the loudest moan ever, her eyes shutting at the pleasure.

“What?” I mutter and continue focusing on her face.

“You’re my favorite color-“ She sucks in a big breath. “Can I come now?” She asks as she holds her own hips back.

“Yes tìyawn, come-“

~~~~~

I’d decided on taking my time making my way toward her family’s marui so I could rehearse my apology. I didn’t want to leave anything out of it and wanted to make sure she still felt loved all around. I see half the curtain hanging over the entryway, most of the marui was darker and cooled down, while the other half was folded open to allow air flow into the room and prevent it from getting stuffy.

I can see Y/n sitting behind little Tuk as she took the poor girls braids out one by one. The poor forest girl looked like she had been tired and barely had any energy. She had been taking slow bites of fruit as Y/n finished off the last couple of braids.

“Hello,” Tuk stated with minimal effort and energy, she’d definitely just woken up from a nap, but her voice was raspier. Y/n’s head moves to the doorway and she thins her lips.

“Tuk Tuk, I’m going to step out for a second but I’ll be right there, call me if you need anything okay?” She reassures the younger Na’Vi and it makes my heart swell with pride at how sweet she is to the children, she steps closer toward the entrance and I move back to allow her the space she needs.

“Have you come to finish yelling at me for my fishing?” She asks in a calmer tone than the one she had earlier but she has crossed her arms over her chest and her eyes weren’t even meeting mine. I felt saddened by that.

“No Yawne, I came to apologize,” I spoke softly and although I’m nervous of her reaction I pull the armband out to show her. “I made you something,” I stated with a bit of a waver, she turns her face to look at what I had in my hand, her eyebrows had previously been furrowed in anger but the pop up after seeing the gift, her eyes finally sliding up to meet mine.

“Y-you made that f-for me?” She asks a voice barely above a whisper and she looks back down at it as she smiles. “It’s my favorite shade of you,”

“Would you like to wear it?” I asked her and she looks back up to meet my eyes, her bottom lip tugged between her teeth as she nods, giving me her hand so I can slide it on.

“This is my way of saying I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. I might not be a great teacher like I believed I was and I hate that I made you upset, I don’t like it when I’m the reason you cry, Tìyawn.” I’d held on to her one hand with both of mine as I apologized, feeling comfort in touching her in any way possible, taking note of how perfect the armband had fit her.

“It doesn’t excuse my own behavior but I didn’t like being yelled at as if I were a child, I already know I don’t know how to fish, or cast the stupid net, but I expected you to communicate with me on how to do it correctly. But I am sorry for raising my voice at you.” She stated tenderly and I couldn’t help but cup her cheek with my hand.

“You are not in the wrong here, it was me, and I hope you can accept my apology, little one.”

“Of course I do, Ao’nung, nga yawne lu oer.” She stated all of a sudden and I could only squat on my toes just to crash my lips onto hers right after she said that.

“Nga yawne lu oer,” I replied back toward her.

__________

“I now see why you continue running off, it’s a shame this is where you hide.”

We both turned our heads in unison toward the person who had spoken, standing before us and I knew we’d been caught. This was the person I had least expected to catch us, the very same person I’d been avoiding and desperately praying to Eywa so she wouldn’t catch us. A few feet in front of us stood his mother, who happened to be glaring directly at me, not once sparing a glance toward Ao’nung, and I would be lying if I hadn’t just felt my knee’s buckle.

“Unbelievable.” The disgust is very evident, dripping entirely within that word.

Instinctively I push against Ao’nungs chest to put as much distance between us as possible, trying to hide whatever embrace we’d had, although I knew she had seen it already. I felt empty right after feeling his warmth leaving me and I had to look down to stop myself from freaking out.

“I was worried about you after seeing you run into our marui but wanted to give you space to collect your thoughts. And when I had decided you might have had enough time sulking on your own, I head to our marui, only to see you making your way here.” She stated as the tone of disappointment stays in her voice.

“You followed me?” Ao’nung asks even though she had just stated that.

“I wanted to make sure you weren’t going to do anything stupid, only to find myself proven wrong.” She yells angrily and I flinch at the pitch she uses.

“Ronal, please-“ I begin pleading but am unsure where my words were going, but am also somewhat thankful for the hiss that cuts me off.

“Silence.” She continues glaring at me and my immediate response is to look down, maybe if I don’t look into her eyes, I won’t feel threatened, but that theory is tossed out the window.

“Have you mated with this vrrtep?” She pointed at me, a disgusted look settling on her features as I peek up and see her looking at her son, waiting for his answer.

“What if I did?” He asked too nonchalant for my liking. His body hadn’t been trying to face away from hers like mine was. I shouldn’t have been surprised since he has dealt with her more than I have, but she was a scary woman.

“She is a disgrace to every suitor you’ve had. She doesn’t stand near any of them. Why would you want someone you cannot bond with, ma’itan?” She asks with genuine concern for him.

“You are right, she doesn’t stand near them,” He stated and I felt my blood run cold. I looked up at him with pure sadness, had he resented me this entire time?

“She’s more than they will ever be. She has single handedly tamed my anger with her kindness. She has taught me how to be careful with someone else and being aware of my words and how much they could hurt another person. She has a strong heart, she is worth it to me.”

“You do not realize the implications of these words ma’itan. If you decide to mate with her before Eywa you’ll be stripped of your status.”

“No!” I yelled immediately as my eyes widened. Ronal smirked at my outburst and laughed a bit.

“You see, she only wants you for your status.” She states as if it was the clearest thing.

“I can’t allow that. It’s all you’ve wanted since you were young, I can’t let you lose your status over this-“ I stated as if I was pleading him, but this is exactly what I needed to do.

“You are confused, ma’itan, you do not even know what you mean to that vrrtep!” She exclaims and I feel as if it was another blow to the chest. This was exactly everything I wanted to avoid.

“Sa’nok-“ He begins before she starts once more.

“Do you not see how this vrrtep has corrupted you? I told your father to not allow them in even if they were trusted by JakeSully, I knew they would eventually mess something up, it was a matter of how. Come to me, ma’itan, we need to cleanse you.”

“Choose someone else.” I stated in a clear and steady voice. Although my heart felt itself break. I could only feel Ao’nung grasp my shoulders gently.

“No.”

“Please, let me go, choose another. You’ll still have the life you wanted-“ I felt the tears blur my vision so I turned around to stop looking at him.

“Not if I don’t have you in it.”

“I’m not worth it, choose someone else-“

“I’m not leaving you, little one, I’ve said that multiple times.” He tries reassuring me as my tears slide down my cheeks, how was I going to stop them.

“So you can be wise,” Ronal hums at my words as I was trying to get him to leave me.

“No, I only want you, I only see you, I only love you.” He stated as he forcefully turns me around. Tears continuously sliding down my face.

“I can’t bond with you-“

“I don’t care about that, little one, we bond in different ways.” He holds my face with one hand gently.

“I’ll die too fast anyway, we can’t have kids. She’s right, this is only a fantasy that’ll never work. I’ve done this once before and didn’t learn the first time.” These reasons were resurfacing from Neytiri’s previous conversation within me when she’d found out those years ago, reasons to why I was not fit for her son, reasons I am not fit to be with Ao’nung.

“Neteyam told me different, ma’tìyawn, he told me he Eywa needed his help in choosing a mate for me and he chose you as my mate, Eywa agrees with his decision. He told me we can have children of our own and told me your age will slow down with mine after completing our mating.” He explains in a gentle manner.

But the way he’d stated that with ease, he had never told me about that previous to today, and I could feel my head dizzying at his words, when the hell had he been told about this?

“When, when did he tell you?” I asked because I just had to know. He remains silence but face fallen into a wince as if he’d meant to either keep that a secret or expect his words to change my opinion without problem.

“When the fuck did he tell you this?” I asked in a harsher tone after his silence.

“Two weeks before we went to the spirit tree, but I-“

“That was two months ago and you’re only telling me this now?” I pulled myself away by pushing on his chest to let go of me, I knew there was no way I’d hurt him but with the way he backed up as if I had worried me a bit.

“Yawne I-“

“You need to leave.” I stated as I squeezed my eyes shut tightly.

“What?” He asks in disbelief upon hearing my request.

“Leave, go!” I yelled at him and he seems shocked. He looked like he was about to refuse leaving, he held onto hope more than I could, but before voicing his opinion the sound of water suddenly splashing had caught our attention. I turned back to Ronal to see her staring at the space between her feet, a protective hand placed around her swollen abdomen.

“Great mother, why now?” Ronal groans as she protectively places a hand on her swollen belly. Typically when a NaVi’s water breaks you had about thirty minutes or less for when the child arrived, so even if their gestation lasted about a year, their births happened incredibly fast. But with her being Tsahik and going through her labor meant she’d either need the help of the retired Tsahik- who was her deceased mother in law- or the Tsakarem, her daughter.

I glanced over at Ao’nung who was standing with his eyes widened. I could only figure he had never seen his mother in this position and if he had, he was a toddler when Tsireya was born so he didn’t have any experience when it came to these things.

“Agh!” Ronal screams as she holds onto her abdomen.

“Get her into the water-“ I run into the Marui and see Tuk is still awake, half finished with her fruit, I’m sure she’s heard everything that had happened but her face seems unfazed.

“TukTuk, please tell me you’re well enough to go for a swim?” I asked in the most hopeful tone possible and she nods, getting up from her mat, following behind me as I grab a couple things from the marui. I step back out with Tuk behind me and see Ao’nung full on carrying his mother with a worried look in his face.

__________

“Come on Um’ma, let’s get you into the nice cool water, I think you’ll feel better there,” I try reassuring her as I continue to hold her, her weight becoming less as she floats in the water, her groans coming out in short spurts, she’s gritting her teeth and her eyes are looking around.

“What now, Y/n?” I ask as she has Tuk hold the things she was carrying, while she hops down from the walkway onto the stairs and into the water, Tuk carefully handing Y/n everything.

“Let her stand in the water, Tsireya said it helps with tearing, she’ll be on her feet, make sure her lower back is covered.” She instructs and I follow along as I do what she says, my mother sighing in relief, one of her hands grasping mine suddenly and refusing to let go.

“And now?” I ask as she fumbles with her equipment, I can see various towels, a blanket, the knife Neteyam made for her, and a clamp. I’m not entirely sure what these were for but she finally comes over toward me, stepping directly in front of my mother, a hiss ripping through her as soon as she see’s Y/n.

“Hiss all you want but we don’t have much time before your child gets here and Tuk is too sick to get help.” Y/n stated and as I look on over toward where Tuk was, the poor girl had already passed out on the walkway snoozing along and getting her rest.

“If you want I can get another woman from the clan whose given birth before but I doubt they’ll get here by the time your baby is born.” Y/n stated firmly upon looking at my mother before taking a deep breath and going under the water, I could tell she started untying my mothers skirt and I blushed while looking away.

“I dislike how helpful she is, even after I insulted her-“ She manages to grumble between her groans and grunts.

“She is always like this, Um’ma, I love her.” I stated and my mother hisses again. Y/n resurfaces and steps around behind me.

“You’ll need to push her lower back, here, when she starts pushing, it helps relieve pain, or something like that. She’ll squeeze your hand and it’ll hurt you, but remember she’s in more pain than you will be.” She pointed toward her lower back and I could see my mothers tail fidgeting in a similar pattern from when we all hurt ourselves unexpectedly.

“Ronal-“ She steps back around as my mother is hunched over. Her anger from beforehand is gone as she continues breathing.

“You’ll need to spread your legs further,”

“I know how to give birth, child, this is my third- AGH!” She yells gutturally after her half insult, but follows Y/n’s order and spreads her legs further.

“Push when you feel the need to,” She tells my mother just as she’s moaning or groaning, maybe grunting, all at the same time, before looking back at me. “Every time you hear her make that sound, press where I showed.”

“Push Ronal,” She takes a deep breath before going back under and checking for how my mother is doing.

“Please respect her, she’s doing better than I am over here.” I utter just as she starts making that sound again and I push on her back, I could hear the sound lessen as if I was helping relieve pain. She takes a quick break to breathe before pushing again.

“Something feels wrong, it hurts more-“ She gasps.

“Don’t quit, Um’ma, keep pushing.” I encourage her as she starts yelling painfully while pushing.

“What do you see in her,” She catches her breath again as she pushes.

“The same things dad saw in you, she’s kind, caring, compassionate, adorable, and willing to put up with me.” I answered as she begins pushing and yelling again, I pushed on her back once more.

“Stop pushing!” Y/n resurfaces suddenly and my mother looks bewildered.

“Why on Eywa’s life would I do that!” My mother hisses.

“He’s coming out feet first, his cord isn’t coming out like it should and I’m scared its wrapped around his neck.” She stated.

“He?” My mother isn’t asking, more as if she were in shock.

“I’m having another itan.” She stated wobbly as her tears cascaded down her face.

“The next contractions will hurt like hell but I need you to try and not push during them, if you do, the constriction will cut off blood flow to the-“

“Ma’tìyawn, you’re rambling in English,” I stated as she looks up immediately with a blush.

“Try not to push when you feel the need to, I know it’ll be hard-“

“The pain is too great for me, I do not want to lose ma’itan,” Her tears fall down more rapidly as she weeps, her hold on my hand getting harder.

“Don’t say that. You are Tsahik of the metkayina, you fought tawtute mounted on a tsurak while heavily pregnant, you have birth twice before, how is this one any different!” Y/n states and I can see a passion in her eyes as she says these things.

“You are admired by many in the clan and you have been standing before other mighty warriors who have given birth telling them that all would be well. Don’t give me that shit, Ronal, you can fucking do this.”

My mother nods as another contraction hits her, she trembles badly and looks down before her face is picked back up by ma’Y/n with both of her hands.

“Don’t fucking quit on me, Ronal.” She stated as my mother starts yelling through her contraction, I push on her back regardless as it dies down.

“Once the shoulders are out you’ll be done, okay?” Y/n states as she takes another deep breath and sinks down below to check on my baby brother.

“That is why I love her, Um’ma,”

“Maybe I was wrong about her-“ She sucks in a big breath and clenches her teeth. Y/n swims closer to her and my mother yells once more.

Just then a bit of blood fills the water where Y/n and my mothers legs are, her hand has let go of mine as she sighs in relief, Y/n popping up without my brother.

“Where is he?” I asked in shock upon not seeing my brother.

“About to take his first breath.”

First breath, the tradition where, when allowed, the baby is supposed to swim upward after being born to take it’s first breath. The first right of passage coming into the clan.

“The cord was only loosely wrapped around his neck, probably because you held back on your pushes, all I did was unwrap it, clamp it, and cut it.” Y/n stated and seconds later he pops up, the physical sound of him taking his breath bringing us relief in that moment.

I couldn’t help but look at my baby brother in awe at the smallest patches of hair on his head, his little nose, his kuru being naked and small, Y/n is quick to pick him up and turn him to place him on my mothers chest. Taking my hand to place it on my brother’s abdomen as I watched him breathe. My mother started crying out of pure joy upon seeing my brother.

“Let us connect these, huh?” She grasped my mother Kuru gently and connected it with my brothers, creating the first bond any child creates- with their Um’ma. She’d gone at some point to bring the blanket to wrap him around in and I couldn’t help but smile at him.

Spending this time with my mother and brand new sibling was a joyous time, but when I’d turned around to see where Y/n had gone my smile falters as she and little Tuk were nowhere to be found.

_________

That goes without saying that once I’d come back into the marui with Tuk- after helping Ronal give birth- her parents had come back and were wondering where we went. I once again had to fill them in on the situation starting from the moment Ao’nung had come to give me my armband and ending with coming back with a still sick Tuk. They were surprised about Neteyam hand picking Ao’nungs mate and they did have questions to which I did not have the answers to.

After helping the Tsahik giving birth, I’d taken it upon myself to stay out of her and her families sights. I knew the words she had spoken when she had caught myself and her son together were spiteful yet truthful. There was no way that my assistance in her birth would change the way she felt about me. And I would say I’ve been doing well, I’ve avoided them for two and a half weeks by this point, but I did have a little help from the Sully’s. I’d essentially made myself disappear from their lives.

We made sure to always walk in pairs of three whenever we were out. If they happened to catch Lo’ak, Kiri, Spider, Tuk, Neytiri, or Jake the other person with us would tell me to go the opposite direction or hide somewhere to avoid having to make any contact with them.

While I was in the marui, Tsireya had come wanting to talk to me, but due to Lo’ak loudly stating that he wasn’t sure if I was there, gave me the chance to escape by diving into the water and swimming underneath the marui until she had left in disappointment. I was willing to take any measure I could to avoid them, Ronal had made it clear where she stood with me, so I wanted to make it clear to her that I understood her boundary.

“Theres supposedly a banger going on tonight,” Lo’ak stated as we all huddled into a little family meeting.

“What would you like to do, Y/n?” Spider asks as all eyes turned to me.

“You guys make it seem like they’re actively searching for me, the only time anyone came here was Tsireya a while ago. None of them have asked about me so I’ll just stay here.” I stated while weaving a blanket for Tuk, when she was sick she claimed she felt cold and didn't have a comfortable blanket on her.

I told her that if she could find some yarn she felt comfortable with, I’d take it and make a blanket out of it for her. She’d found the right one two hours after I said that and said she spent the entire two hours hugging yarn from the yarn lady, who had been awkwardly staring at Tuk while assisting her- or so thats the story from her ten year old perspective.

“Would you like one of us here with you?” Jake offers and I laugh.

“You guys should go enjoy the party, as long as you have fun thats all that matters.” I admit.

“We could even take shifts, I can stay for the first part and come get one of the kids to cover for an hour at a time-“

“It’s been fifteen days since Tsireya came here, thats half an Earth month, I will be fine, nobody is coming in here.” I reassure him and he only thins his lips.

“Go have fun, just bring me back something sweet, okay?” I asked and they all seemed to agree.

It did take a bit to get them all to leave but they did take their time leaving little by little. It started off with Jake and Neytiri leaving at the start of the little celebration, Kiri had left with Tuk since the younger one had started to get hungry. I had been left with Lo’ak and Spider, the two most stubborn people ever.

It didn’t help that we were mostly sitting in silence so I suggested we played a game. Spider had smiled happily as he remembered Jake had hidden a deck of Uno somewhere around here. Something about him having brought the game over from home in case the kids were bored.

“You definitely have a draw four, Y/n, don’t lie!” Spider yells angrily and I roll my eyes, placing a reverse card to switch the order we were going in already.

“Hell yeah!” Lo’ak exclaims as he places a wild card of his own, switching the color to red.

“No fair, you know I don’t have any red!” Spider states while continuing to draw, having drawn twelve cards before finally placing a red one down. I place my own red reverse down on the deck and try to hide my laugh.

“Uno,” I call out as I held my last card.

“Not funny.” Spider is already pissed and I knew this would get him to leave soon.

“Draw four!” Lo’ak stated after Spider luckily had to draw two cards before getting a red, but I smirk as I pull the draw four my brother said I had and stack it on top of Lo’ak’s.

“Red.” I stated the color and Spider throws his variety of yellow and green cards down angrily.

“You guys always fuckin cheat, I’m out.” He yells as he stands to walk out of the marui while Lo’ak and I laugh.

“Do you think we were mean to him?” I asked as I gather the cards.

“Nah, we’re the dream team, plus the look on his face was worth it.” He smiles widely while handing me his own cards.

“I’m thinking about heading out and meeting up with ‘Reya, you’re sure you’ll be okay?” He asks and doesn’t even bother getting up. Had the circumstances been different he would have started standing up already, not waiting for an answer as he headed out toward his girlfriend.

“I’ll be fine, Lo, honestly wanna get this blanket done so Tuk stops asking me if its done,” I smile as I take the half finished project I had with a grin.

“She has no patience.” He agrees as he stands up.

“I’m sure the others have forgotten but I’ll bring you back something sweet, kay?” He states.

“Thank you, you’re my favorite brother!”

“I always have been,” He chuckles as he slips out of the marui.

It doesn’t take too long before the curtain ruffles again and I’m surprised at how fast anyone had returned but keep my focus on my project.

“Did you forget some-“ My eyes wander up and see the person I’d least expected standing in the marui, before me stood the teal goddess I used to spend a majority if my time with.

“Y/n!” She yells excitedly in a hushed voice and it pained me to see her excited.

“Tsireya-“ I stated in shock, just staring at her, how is it the one night Jake asks me of I’m certain I could handle being alone that Tsireya pop’s back up right when I least expected it, especially after a while of not seeing her.

“Hi sweets,” She says softly while waving at me from the entrance, my blanket project long forgotten, using my term of endearment for her, on me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked in confusion as Lo’ak had just stepped out to meet with her, how long would it take him to notice she wasn’t out there.

“I came to take you to get ready,” She stated as if it were obvious why she was here, but I was still lost.

“Get ready? For what?” I asked her two questions and I notice she’s looking past me with a smile. I turn and don’t notice anything there and look back at her.

“You’re still wearing it.” She stated and I look back down on my arm and the realization hit, I had completely forgotten about the armband being on my arm as it was comfortable, kind of like it was meant to be there.

“Now come on,” She steps closer taking my hand and I couldn’t help but allow myself to be dragged on by her since I’d missed hanging out with her for two and a half weeks, maybe spending some time with her wouldn’t hurt.

She’d brought me to a waterfall I’d yet to see before and made me wash my hair, I was confused at first but thought this was more of a girls-day type thing. As she had waited for it to dry before braiding it intricately, I’d just sat there and waited for her to finish. Just when she had finished, I turned to look at her as she gasps, holding both hands over her mouth in awe.

“What? Do I look bad in braids?” I joke but she shakes her head.

“You look beautiful,” It wasn’t until now that I could feel some of the beaded accessories she’d placed in my hair.

“We need to head back over,” She states and I could only imagine she meant back in the marui which is why I didn’t mind when she grabbed my arm once more.

“Come on-“ She gently tugs as she runs in front of me.

“Where are we going?” I let out a laugh as I’m essentially out of breath from chasing after her.

“You’ll see, come-“ She tugs me again with an excited smile on her features, one that made me forget my surroundings only because I hadn’t been near her in a while, I truly missed spending time with her.

“You need to walk through,” She states as we stand behind some curtains of some sort but I look at her weirdly.

“Is someone killing me if I step through?” I asked, wondering if her mother was on the other side of the curtain.

“Just step through,” She says with a smile and my curiosity peaks finally stepping through the curtains, being placed on a stage in front of the clan, eyes widening.

“Kaltxì-“ I nervously stated, just to see Ronal stepping up, I look down immediately and try backing up through the curtains again, there was no way I am going to stay here.

“Hey-“ I bump into someone and their hands are on my shoulders, I only turn my head upward and see Ao’nung looking down at me, my brows furrow in confusion and before I could say anything Ronal turns to address the clan.

“We’re gathered as a clan today to celebrate the union of my son, and his mate Y/n.”

“What?” I asked in complete shock and disbelief, but my voice only having been a whisper, nobody hearing me as the cheers of the crowd had grown.

She turns to look at her son, arm stretching out overtop of me, essentially being caged in by two Na’vi bodies. Her hand reaches to what I assume is his cheek.

“A mother will always love her son for their entire lives, but your life is only beginning with her, take care of her and love her more than you have ever loved me, ma’itan.” She speaks gently to him and he squeezes my shoulders gently as she looks down at me, I want to look away but she places her hand on my cheek, the sudden act of affection catching me off guard.

“You have shown me that I was wrong about tawtute. You helped me during a great time of need and I can see how you have loved ma’itan. You are strong and capable of many things that I was too blinded by my own prejudice to see. You are a worthy mate for him. Oel ngati kameie, Y/n.” She stated and placed her finger on her forehead, extending it toward me as she said that.

“Now if you are agreeable to your own union, I would like to speak blessings upon the two of you.” She stated as she awaits my answer.

“You said you didn’t want your son with a vrrtep-“

“I know what I have said and I was wrong. I am hoping you can accept my deepest apologies. When I was giving birth, you helped me even after the nasty things I said to you, you were willing to let ma’itan be happy and keep his status by trying to leave him, you were willing to sacrifice your happiness for his.” She stated with tears welling up in her own eyes. “I am not a perfect mother, but I try to be, and seeing how happy he is when he talks about you proves he follows his heart, just as closely as he follows you.”

“You already know how I feel about you, Yawne,” Ao’nung speaks gently, I crane my neck backward just to catch him looking at me with a sweet smile.

“I missed you so much,” I place my hand on top of his, which remained on my shoulder and I give him a light squeeze.

“I missed you too yawntutsyìp,”

“What do you say?” Ronal asks and I give her a small nod.

And she starts letting the many blessings fall from her tongue. Starting with the growth of the clan by the union we were sharing and blessing each of us separately, that Eywa may use us to assist in her workings as well as blessing us with many children- even though I felt that would never happen.

“And before the clan you must speak your vows. As always, the male will speak first.” She nods toward her son as she steps to the side and he steps from behind me, turning to face me- from what I’d seen during the other ceremony’s I follow his steps and face him, to have him squat on his toes so he is eye level with me, our hands holding each other.

“With these words I present my vows to you, Y/n Y/m/n Socorro, as your faithful mate.” He stated the typical introduction before looking right into my eyes with a small smile as he speaks words from his heart, my eyes tearing up as I try holding my big fat cry-baby tears for nothing since they slide down my cheeks.

“With these words I present my vows to you, Ao’nung Te Tswa’ìn Tonowar’itan, as your faithful mate-“ I start my own vows and for the first time I notice the tears collecting in his eyes as I continue.

“Now you may turn, and let Eywa decide your familial fate.” Tsireya speaks loudly and notice the garment placed before us. The biggest shell catching my eye, it was the color of their ocean and I smile.

“Ready?” He asks while squeezing my hand affectionately.

“Get closer to it so we can step on it at the same time,” He gently pushes the small of my back and I feel nervous, looking back at him as he lifts his leg.

“On three,” He reassures me and I nod. I knew it was wishful thinking but I closed my eyes harshly and slam my foot down on the shell as hard as I can, opening them and turning toward him, not even bothering to look at the pieces.

“Pukap!” Tsireya yells as everyone cheers and my shocked face turns to see the shell having broken into six unequal pieces, I look back at my now husband in shock, he’s smiling excitedly.

“Having four children is a big blessing, tsmuke,” Tsireya says as she waits for us to pick our respective pieces.

_________

Having Kiri, Spider, Lo’ak, and even little Tuk on my side on this day has proven effective. They had mentioned how Y/n was wanting to avoid me and I found it devastating at first but completely understood where she was coming from.

I’d planned this entire thing myself but was honestly thankful to Y/n’s tsmuktu for helping me and allowing this entire thing to happen. I was happy to have the love of my life forever now, officially.

Knowing we’d have four children was unexpected but a blessing nonetheless, but could tell that having children was still something Y/n was not expecting. I could tell she was skeptical but I knew it would happen.

She picks up a piece of the shell that I was eyeing myself and felt saddened by it but accepted it, until she turns and hands it to me. I look at her in surprise as she smiles.

“I figured this was the piece you’d like the most,” She stated shyly and I smile, taking it from her grasp.

“Thank you little one, does this mean I get to pick yours?” I asked her and she blushes before looking down and nodding.

Something of this nature had only been done one other time before- I’d heard the stories many times around the fire pit- my own parents union ended like this, but it was not a story Y/n had heard before, which was what warmed my heart the most, looking up at my father I can see him smiling at my mother with adoration.

“This one,” I pick up a piece thats similar to the shape she often shows me with her hands, a heart is what she calls it.

“It’s perfect,” She smiles as she takes it and I couldn’t resist the urge after she’d said that.

“You’re perfect.”

She blushes and looks away before I use my fingers to bring her chin back up to make her look at me, her face looking adorable, it felt warm underneath my fingers.

Before either of us could say anything, many people joined in on the traditional first song sang after the shell being broken, the garment being thrown around us as everyone joined to happily sing. It doesn’t take long for the song to finish and I have another place in mind where we could be.

“Would you do me the honors of following me?” I ask her and she furrows her tiny brows in confusion but takes the hand I had offered her and we start walking toward the beach.

“Where are we going?” She asks once we’re pretty close to stepping into the water.

“The spirit tree.” I admit as I call an Ilu over, stepping into the water, tugging her arm gently to get her closer to me.

“But first,” I settle her onto the Ilu before sliding on after her, placing my arm protectively over her waist. “We need to talk.” I’d sat her backward so her back was toward the Ilu’s head, as she faced me, my arm gently running across her spine to reassure her that it was nothing bad. “We’ll have to go the long way so we can sty above water, okay?” I state again.

“What is there to talk about?” She asks shyly and tucks her own hair behind her ear while looking at the ocean, eyes hesitant to look back on mine.

“A lot of things, Tìyawn,” I stated as the Ilu moves forward.

“Why would you visit Neteyam?” She asks and I’’m glad she does, I’m surprised she’d managed to get the hint.

“I felt guilty for how I’d spent a majority of the time he was here bullying him and your tsmuktu instead of trying to make friends with everyone. And I was lonely really, having two tawtute join the clan when you hate them was hard, he gave me an escape and we talked about anything and everything.” I share with her.

“Why didn’t you tell me about visiting Neteyam?” She asks.

“I didn’t see it as something I needed to share, but I was wrong on that.

“What did he say to you?” She doesn’t have to specify the night she was talking about and I look down with a soft smile.

“He said Eywa came to him to tell him she had trouble choosing a mate for me, and he said the only person he could think of was Y/n,” I tell her, placing my finger gently on the tip of her nose as she smiles at my action. “I look at him confused because that sounds like a word in your vrrtep language, he laughs and tells me thats your name and I am to use it to address you.” I explain and she nods along.

“He says he has chosen you as my mate because of how sassy you are, but that you were very sweet. He said you were captivating in every way possible.” Her eyes are widened in awe as she listens to the story.

“But you know me, I was stubborn, didn’t want to hear it but continued asking questions about how he knew these things and he finally tells me the two of you were courting. I was surprised, because nobody has ever heard of a union between tawtute and Na’Vi, I didn’t want to hear anymore and broke my connection with the spirit tree.”

“Do you regret it?” She asks in a tiny voice but I’m unsure of what she meant.

“If you mean disconnecting my kuru and swimming away from what he said, yes, if you are asking if I regret being with you, never.”

“Do you think you could do me a favor?” She asks nervously chews on her bottom lip.

“For you I’d do anything, all you have to do is ask.”

“Can you connect to the spirit tree and tell him I said thank you, for everything?” She asks sweetly and I nod.

“It should be me thanking him, little one, but I will tell him anything you want.”

“Can you tell him to visit me in my dreams?” She asks hesitantly and seems as if she regrets saying that.

“I will.” I reassure her just as we exit the retaining wall and turn to go to the spirit tree.

Arriving at the spirit tree had planted a smile on her sweet little face. The illuminated space was beautiful during this time of night and seeing her face lit up was even better.

“Your tahnì!” She states as she looks at my chest, smiling widely, letting her hands slide down my arms.

“I want you to sit up here while I dive, okay?” I state as I take her by the waist, lifting her off the ilu and up onto the magnetic rock walkway she had sat on once before.

“Please be safe,” She expresses concern on her beautiful face and I couldn’t help but kiss her, it had been a while since we did that.

“Just for you,” I reply before dipping my head below the water and heading over toward the petals. Grabbing my braid and looking at the tendrils sliding out of it, looking back up through the water and seeing my love’s little feet in the water, I look back at the petal before connecting my kuru and allowing my mind to calm itself.

~~~~~~

“It’s nice to see you again.”

I wince as his voice has remained the same. He didn’t sound angered one bit, I allowed my nerves to busy themselves as I observed the scenery before me and it comes as a shock that we aren’t in the forest like we usually are.

“We are home, why?” I asked as I turn, looking at the sky, before settling back on him.

“Change of scenery. I was getting bored in the forest.” He states nonchalantly.

“Neteyam, I want to apologize for leaving abruptly when I did-“

“It appears I was right hmm?” He raises his brows in amusement, smiling wide. “She has humbled you.”

He comments and I’m blushing.

“You had it the moment I told you about her.” He smiles and I’m in awe.

“She is everything you said she would be and somehow even more.” I respond and he nods.

“She is your wife now, I take it.” He asks and I can’t stop myself from nodding as a childlike spirit with no real body runs up to him.

“Neteyam, can you-“ The little spirit cuts itself off from talking as it catches a glimpse of me.

“Hello there,” I wave at the adorable white glowing orb, its body mostly glowing so I couldn’t really make out the gender.

“Ma’sempul!” The little spirit flies over to me and tackles me happily bouncing all over my chest.

“I’m afraid you have me confused with someone else, I’m not your-“

“This is the spirit of the first child you are set to have between yourself and Y/n.” Neteyam says as he gently picks the child up and off my chest.

“Those exist here too?” I asked in disbelief as Neteyam nods.

“Yes,” He smiles at me before turning the kid around and pushing them by the shoulders. “It’s not your time to head out into the world yet, but soon, I’ll be back in a second to play with you okay?” He reassures the tiny spirit and I feel my heart ache at the sight of them leaving.

“For obvious reasons I cannot tell you much about them, only that they will definitely be a handful.”

“As long as I have Y/n, I’ll be alright.” I admit and Neteyam nods.

“That is true, how-“ He cuts himself off and I only smile as he tries fitting the words the way he wants.

“How is she?” He asks with genuine curiosity.

“I would love to tell you, but she told me to make sure and tell you to visit her in a dream. Maybe there you can catch up. Maybe destress together, if you catch my drift.” I stated and his eyes widened.

“Think about it, okay? I’ll make sure to tell her to enjoy herself. It’s the least I could do for you.” I smiled at his shocked face.

“Thank you for coming to see me again.” Neteyam stated pleasantly before the little spirit started walking back over. “But my hands are full at the moment so I will see you another time, yeah?” He asks and I nod.

“I’ll visit you again, and thank you for everything Neteyam.”

“You’re welcome, Ao’nung.”

I opened my eyes as soon as I pulled my Kuru from the spirit tree, feeling a sense of relief flooding through me as I’d finished my visit with Neteyam. Kicking my feet as I floated upward closer to the surface to meet my wife.

__________

I’m not one to write notes at the bottom of the story but I didn’t wanna spoil anything up there^^ but I have a question for y’all if you could answer in the comments

Should I include a Neteyam x Y/n dream scapes smut for the next chapter? She won’t get pregnant off of it but I figured I’d ask to see what you guys wanted. And it also doesn’t help that Doja cats “Shine” was playing in my ear and I got to the part where she says “Yeah I’m fucking Mike, Dick was hella mean, slipped in so nice” ��😫

This is legit the only reason I posted this chapter a lil earlier, just to get y’alls opinion in how the next one should go… the more feedback I get the faster I can start the next one… tysm

[fanaticmorelikefantastic]

Emergency HCs for Octobie Week Three :D

Hcs for @the-kr8tor s Octobie event!

Also, last times, I forgot to credit @the-shroom-garden for the banners, so sorry :(

It was becoming EXTREMELY apparent that I would be unable to finish a whole chapter in time and I am already a week late, so this is about how r and hobie in the verse I made for this event start dating, relationship dynamics etc. It's like a candy salad

I have this really big idea where the day they started dating was the one year anniversary of r and him living together

Idk if it's weird or not, but I was thinking like, she's going to her first ever riot (bc it's their anniversary, yk, that's what people do on their anniversary)

And r gets to throw a molotov for the first time :D

I feel like she was like, uncannily excited about it

Like, she had been practicing for weeks

So she chucks it and it lands straight in the unidentified and corrupt governmental official's window, blows it up

So r screams like a little girl who got a pony for her birthday, she turns and jumps onto hobie, then tugs him down and gives him a big fat kiss

and he kisses back :0

And she doesn't even notice for a while afterward she's just standing there all smiling like :]

And like, the moment she realizes it, the cops pull up and they have to split

so they're like, running from the cops while trying to figure out their relationship like, "Stop right there!! D:<" "So, are we dating, or did you..."

And it's funny, it's a tale for the ages

I am a firm believer of Hobie calling r lovie

I am also 100% biased

I feel like r wouldn't have a concrete pet name for hobie, and instead she just makes up a ton of new ones all the time

one that she's currently fond of it literally just Hobart, but with an extra emphasis on the "-bart"

I feel like he asks her every morning what today's nickname is

like it's a part of the morning weather

"Today is cloudy with a chance of being called Hobby-Lobby"

R TEACHES HOBIE HOW TO WALTZ

This is canon now, I have just decided

and I feel like hobie usually hates dacing, but he learns it because he loves dancing with HERRRRR

And they toally just waltz to everything now

like heavy metal? alt rock?

sounds like something that should be waltzed to

I want to make a separate fic for when he tells r he's spiderman, but we'll see if I actually end up doing it, or if my bones return to the ether before I'm able to.

I think she would be surprised, upset, happy, and sad all at once

A very big mix of emotions because everything is kind of coming full circle and it all finally makes sense

but also sad because he's out there all the time, working his but off for his ideals and saving people and r is just kind of here (as in she feels guilty that she wasn't able to help him because of an internalized feeling of inadequacy)

After she finds out, she sews up his suit and stuff for him, does the best she can to support him while he's away and stuff

[unablethethird]

once again

Same with you skip the weird ones

1: Name Robert [rob]

2: Age 14

3: 3 Fears 1- Friends dying/getting hurt 2-Going back to the last place i lived 3-Not being able to help/be there

4: 3 things I love 1-My frens 2-Laptop 3-headphones

7: My best friend You and yaya [irl]

8: Sexual orientation AroAce [fictoromantic/fictosexual, and kinda orchidromantic]

10: How tall am I 166cm [for now]

11: What do I miss

cant think of anything rn

12: What time were I born 4am

13: Favorite color red, orange, purple, black

15: Favorite quote "Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night, light a man *on* fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life"

16: Favorite place Arcade

17: Favorite food Imjaderah [rice+yoghurt+beans]

18: Do I use sarcasm sometimes, not rlly tho

19: What am I listening to right now

20: First thing I notice in new person Not sure, maybe symptoms???? but not on purpose

21: Shoe size No idea

22: Eye color dark brown [almost black]

23: Hair color black

24: Favorite style of clothing 1920s men atire

25: Ever done a prank call? Not that i can remember

27: Meaning behind my URL I mean this is the 3rd acc

28: Favorite movie THE LORAX!!!!

29: Favorite song right now it's

30: Favorite band FamilyJules? LemonDemon? Will wood? Chonny jash?

31: How I feel right now My body's scared but im chilling

32: Someone I love You /p

33: My current relationship status AroAce, platonically married

34: My relationship with my parents lol

35: Favorite holiday Eid al adha, free money

36: Tattoos and piercing i have Ear

37: Tattoos and piercing i want Sleeve tattoo when i transition

38: The reason I joined Tumblr Needed to continue a fic/comic that was on tumblr

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? idk

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? thank you fren /gen

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? my dad? maybe when i was really young

42: When did I last hold hands? My little sister, i didnt want her to get run over when crossing the road

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? As long as i have, if u give me an hour i'll take an hour, if you give me 30 seconds i'll take 30 seconds

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Nope, i get gender dysphoria from shaving my legs/arms

45: Where am I right now? Bed

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? LOUD

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Mum, not dad

49: Am I excited for anything? Turning 18 and going uni and being a human person with a human life

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Im an oversharer

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Im autistic so not in a deppressed way

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Cant remember

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? H [irl]

55: What is something I disliked about today? My sister stealing money from my mum, i was this close to having smoke outta my ears, she should know better

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? God, im going to beat the shit out of him

57: What do I think about most? Cringe memories i guess?

58: What’s my strangest talent? I can bird whistle

59: Do I have any strange phobias? Touch might be strange?

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind fs

61: What was the last lie I told? "I don't know who they were talking about" [i didn't want to hurt her feelings]

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? voice, video is a nightmare

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yea because either i've seen them or im delusional [im delusional]. aliens are a given, even a bacteria could be one

64: Do I believe in magic? Kinda? idrk, maybe

65: Do I believe in luck? yea

66: What’s the weather like right now? cloudy n cold

67: What was the last book I’ve read? DnD rulebook

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? LVORE IT LOIF LVOE LOVE IT

69: Do I have any nicknames? I get called by my last name a lot

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? not sure

71: Do I spend money or save it? Save

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Unfortunatly no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? My sisters deoderant

74: Favorite animal?

FOXES!!!!!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? calming myself down

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I dont think he has one, idk im not religious

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Corny/cringe as hell but Honeypie by JAWNY

78: How can you win my heart? havent thought about it

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

I TOLD YOU MY FOOT WAS KILLING ME

80: What is my favorite word? supercalifragilisticexpialadocious

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr Moots

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? your god is the right one [chaos]

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not currently, but my dad and some uncles were

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Time manipulation

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i dont think questions are scary

86: What is my current desktop picture? basic

90: Failed a class? classes

94: Had job? I have one now, dont always get paid though

95: Left the house without my wallet? Dont have a wallet

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no

98: Played on a sports team?

Unless school sport team counts

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no

104: Been overweight? No

105: Been underweight? yea

106: Been to a wedding? ye

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Duh

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? maybe i dont remember

109: Been outside my home country? Technically im from iran, and i live in australia, so, yeah

110: Gotten my heart broken? i guess

111: Been to a professional sports game? no

112: Broken a bone? no

113: Cut myself? yeah Im stopping though

114: Been to prom? we dont have that

115: Been in airplane?

Yeah

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? none

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? kinda

119: Learned another language? I know arabic and english

120: Wore make up? Forced to when i was younger but not anymore

123: Dyed my hair? Part of it purple, but its gone now

124: Voted in a presidential election? Cant vote, eitherway all of em suck

125: Rode in an ambulance? Yep

126: Had a surgery? not sure, memory bad

127: Met someone famous? Not that i know of

128: Stalked someone on a social network? mutuals tumblrs

129: Peed outside? Yea

130: Been fishing? nope

131: Helped with charity? yep

132: Been rejected by a crush? nope

133: Broken a mirror? Yep

134: What do I want for birthday? Wouldn't ever happen because it's expensive as fuck but a pump it up machine

i usually get a slice of cake tho

[theflyingfeeling]

random thoughts and highlights about the gig at Tapiola Festivaali today 🖤

first fucking row 😭

so idk if it was that that made the show feel exceptionally good, and I find it difficult to rank the BC shows I've been to in any order of excellence, but I'd say this one would go pretty high on that list; their energy was unmatchable and, as always at BC gigs, I truly had the best fun I've ever had 🥺

(which is why I'm still a little dumbfounded and emptyheaded and will probably spend the entire tomorrow crying because I miss them so much and have no idea when I'm gonna see them again jdkdkfjkfkfkf can't they just drop some tour dates for next year soon or at least the "big show" they keep teasing us about so I can experience the serotonin boost of buying another BC concert ticket and have something to look forward to in my sad little life ahaha)

but yeah anyway I am so fucking horny for Aleksi y'all. Wanting him carnally was NOT on my bingo card for this year but here we are 🪦

like. He' just so confident and booby. You know? Cocky bastard. I'd let him *** inside.

@ss4nni caught his stick and we all got to hold and gawk at it. I may have even licked it a little (siis for real sillon kun mukamas nuolasin sitä ni mun kieli oikeesti koski sitä vahingossa lol sori Sanni 🙈)

(too Finnish didn’t understand: I pretended to lick it for the lols but accidentally licked it a little for real. Please pray for me to regain my sanity one of these days)

I definitely am may be a little delusional about a bunch of stuff but I feel like I made eye-contact with Olli one time and then another time when I was doing a little thigh exercise for Left Outside Alone (just pumping up and down instead of just squatting lol ain't just some random dudes gonna tell me what to do)

I waved at Aleksi one time when he came over because yes that's how desperate I was for an interaction with him and he mercifully acknowlwdged my efforts by looking at me and giving me the tiniest nod. So yeah I think I'll name our first-born son Tapio & y'all are invited to the christening 🥰

(unrelated to BC but Abreu performed before them and she winked at me because I'm hot stuff 😌)

got to witness many many many cute Olli/Allu moments (mostly touches) with my bare eyeballs, I feel so blessed and nourished I think I'll live on this for the rest of the year 💗 (she says, knowing very well she will indeed be sobbing her eyes off tomorrow and the whole next week most likely)

I think they all were genuinely impressed by the audience's energy (or at least the first row was fucking fire 🔥🔥🔥🔥) and I know they praise the audience at every show but I'm still gonna go ahead and take their every sweet word as a personal compliment <3

I loved seeing Niko so much? He's a tiny guy and loves crouching so it's not always easy to see him from farther away lol and he was wearing sunglasses the entire show (it was cloudy) but behind the glasses I like to believe he looked at me/us many many times Niko Niko Niko I love Niko 🥰

And Joel was so happy too 😭 happy Joel = happy me, automatically and every time, I need to know when I get to make him happy again by going to see their show, he deserves it and I deserve it 😭😭😭

So yeah, once again BC did what was said on the can: made me forget all about my pathetic little problems and I kinda need that in order to survive so if you need me I shall be refreshing their social media like a junkie asking random passers-by if they happen to have any speed on them, eyes red and visibly shaking because that's how bad I need my next fix

Many many thanks to everyone who hung out and came to say hi!! You all are some of the best people I know, I don't know how you tolerate me or if you even do lol but I'm always laughing so much when I'm with you and I'll miss you guys as much as I'll miss BC 💕💖💕💗💓💞💖

[cryptidsurveys]

Thursday, September 5th, 2024.

Who do you talk to about personal problems? Mainly my dad and my therapist. I have started opening up to my mom a little bit (not only with problems, but with things of a personal nature, the past, etc), but I'm trying to do it in small increments that way I can draw back at any time if things get too uncomfortable. And I could go to Oliver, but I prefer not to. There was a time in our friendship when I leaned on them far too heavily; it wasn't healthy and I don't want to repeat it. I know that they would be there for me if I needed them, but it's enough to simply feel their supportive presence while chatting about random whatnot, laughing over a silly video, or something like that.

Do you wear make-up? I haven't worn makeup for years. This is apparently how my brain works: I would wear it if I had any actual skill, but I'm not willing to practice in order to develop that skill. So…barefaced it is.

Do you shower daily? Not quite. There's usually one day a week when I don't bother, and today was that day. My dad and I went to the Mountain Park and aside from a brief stop at Carl's Jr. I wasn't planning on being around anyone long enough (or close enough) for it to matter.

Do you think any guys are going to take this survey? It's possible. I know of at least one guy in the survey-taking realm, but will he take (or has he taken) this survey specifically? Idk.

Do you love to shop? I actually really enjoy going grocery shopping, especially during the holiday season. I go a little bit overboard when it comes to holiday treats. When it comes to other things, it's like a potential addiction that's reasonably well-controlled. I know I don't truly need (or sometimes even want) new things. It's just my brain looking for that dopamine hit or attempting to fill a void, and I can usually catch myself before making a pointless purchase.

What is your favourite accessory? Do lip piercings count? I've had them for so long that I wouldn't feel like myself without them. I have an Italian charm bracelet that I wear all the time as well. Rings are also nice, but I only wear them occasionally.

Tampons or pads? Blah.

How old were you when you had your first boyfriend? I was just about to turn 13. I'm not even sure if I should count it because it was a middle school relationship, but we did date for a little over a year. It also raises the question of which relationships should count because it's not like there was a hard line between serious and unserious. Although, tbh, I don't think I've had one that was truly serious… I loved those people, sure, but damn - none of those relationships were mature, healthy, or sustainable.

If you were to have sex right now, would you use a condom? I don't want to have sex with anyone.

Do you think it’s bad to have sex at your age? No.

Would you cry if you got pregnant? Yeah. Definitely not happy tears. This is why I would probably refrain from sex in certain situations - I just don't trust various forms of birth control to do their job and I don't want any surprises.

Do you have real or fake fingernails? Real.

Are you content with the current weather? Yesss. It's cool and cloudy and it's been raining on and off all day. Perfect Mountain Park weather with undeniable hints of autumn.

Do you own many pairs of shorts? No.

Is there a place you’d rather be right now? I'm fine with being here for the time being, but I am serious when I say I'm going to take some extra time off here and there to get out to the mountains. At least…I hope I'm serious. Future Me, don't let me down, okay? Take some fvcking TIME for YOURSELF.

Is there an article of clothing you need to buy right now? There was an article of clothing I wanted to buy, but I ended up getting it for free thanks to Veronica (a board member at the animal shelter). She was in the other day and saw me wearing a staff shirt, so she asked, "Does that mean…or are you just…?" And I was like, "Yeah, I'm still just a volunteer, ahah." But she had me go up to the front where they have some shirts and merch and such and pick out a few things, one of which was a pine green sweater I had been eyeing. I was planning on buying it once the weather cooled off if it was still there, so…score! :')

Is there a situation you currently feel hopeless about? Kind of, yeah, which is funny because this situation is going to end come September 21st. Alex is leaving!!! My brain just can't seem to comprehend that it's going to be over sooner than I think, and then I'll never have to deal with her again. I am so excited to see how our little cattery group will develop after she's gone. I feel like it's going to be so much more supportive and chill.

Have you ever wanted to get drunk and take your mind off of everything? In the past, yeah. Nowadays, getting drunk just sounds…ugh. Fun in theory but probably regrettable in reality.

How long does it take you in the shower? 10-15 minutes.

Does your password have to do with a person? One of them does.

Do you believe that it is best to have a friendship first then love? I don't know what's "best," but I would like to take things slow in future relationships.

Do you have any fun plans for tomorrow? I'll be at the animal shelter for a full day.

Have you ever had to choose between two people? Maybe kinda sorta.

Do you think 2018 will top 2017? 2018 was an absolute dumpster fire. Probably the rock bottomiest of all my rock bottoms. The following years were a jagged climb, but THANK GOD I am so far away from that place now.

Have you ever been in a hospital? Yeah.

[cats-inthe-cradle]

5, 8, 15, 21, and 40!

Hi Grace! Thanks for the ask :D

5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? 

Sometimes! Tho not so much recently, I sleep with my cat Misty instead <3

8. What’s your favorite band/artist? 

I don't really have one? Idk I'm not, like, the most musically minded? If that makes sense? I've never been good about remembering artists n stuff. Basically if I like a song I'll listen to it and/or add it to one of my many playlists I have for stories/characters :D

If you've got any suggestions tho I'd love to hear 'em, I'm always looking for new stuff to listen to 👀

15. What’s your favorite season? 

Spring! The tempature's perfect, everything's always so green, we get some of the BEST thunderstorms where we live (and it's always really windy, which is an added bonus, I love the wind), it's when all the baby cows are born so whenever we drive somewhere we get to see all the little calves out in the fields, and I always have more energy in the Spring! (Apparently there's this weird phenomenon for POTS patients where our symptoms get overall worse in the fall/winter, so I always feel better in the spring).

Anyways yeah, I love Spring

21. How was your day today? 

Honestly? Not the best. I didn't really get enough sleep last night so I've had a headache most of the day, and I've just been really tired this whole week. Also writing & arting & storying in general has Not been cooperating (probably because my brain is tired) so yeah. BUT! Hopefully the weekend will be better :D I've got plans to go see the new spider-verse movie with my friend on Saturday, so I'm really excited for that!

And yknow? Most days are meh for me. I've got a chronic illness that sucks and I'm running on Not Enough Energy pretty much all the time. But I've learned to appreciate the small moments, and that helps a lot. 'Cuz even if most days are just meh (or worse) there's still a lot of good moments in them that more than makes up for it. So even tho physically I've been kinda miserable all day, I'm happy. I got to binge some rottmnt with my brother (soon I will introduce him to my aus >:), I played some minecraft, I listened to music, I played with my cat, I read some good fanfic, I'm messing around on tumblr at 3am

So really, looking back on the emotional aspects of today? It's actually been a good day. Maybe not an amazing, or memorable, or significant day. But still a good one, and that's enough.

Even if I still have a headache shdhd

40. Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy? 

I love the beach!!! So much. It's one of my favorite places. One of my favorite things about it is being able to see forever. And, hmmmm it'd probably depends on if I wanna go swimming or not. Actually, I'd still go swimming if it was cloudy (and have actually) as long as it's not too cold. So really I don't have much of a preference? If I'm at the beach at all I'll be happy. I like when it's clear so I can see forever tho, but I also like I when it's cloudy and rainy in general, so.

[starjxsung]

HAI STAR I AM BACK FROM EUROPE !!! I got home like two hours ago :3 feels SO good to be back in my own room in my own bed - showered, have laundry going, AND I UNBOXED MY LIMITED EDITION ATE ALBUM I BOUGHT IN COPENHAGEN (posted a pic on tumblr if ya wanna check it out hehe) ... work and school emails can wait until tmrw... RAHHH it's been so long lemme go through your last few responses to my messages since last time I responded Summer if FLYINGGG wahhh I can't believe I start school in a month! I've seen bits and pieces of what you've said about ATEEZ and Lolla and they both sound RAHHHHH I'm so glad you had fun and meet up with your older sister (for ATEEZ) (though the sunburn does NOT sound fun) and I'm glad you were able to stay safe (?) and be responsible and help that girl out (at Lolla) As for South Africa guy... So basically once I went on the trip we didn't talk cause he was on his trip and I was on mine but I did send him a long ass message about what was going on in my brain (after confirming that he would be okay and welcoming to that sort of messages since we couldn't talk it out at the time) and explaining to him how hurt I really was? but like in a respectful and calm manner. Idk it was longggggg mostly cause I over(?)think or like have many thoughts because while I did want to explain that I was hurt, I also wanted to make it clear that I saw where he was coming from and wasn't telling him to hurt him or make him feel bad if that makes sense. Anyways, seeing as I JUST got back and he just got back a few days ago (with covid nonetheless), we have yet to talk about it and he has yet to respond to my long ass message. (also for background info in case I forgot to tell you, yes we did end up talking about where our relationship is a little bit ago before this whole ghosting thing happened and bascially we ended up with "committed relationship w/o lables" because apparently I have baggage (anxiety) attached to the term "girlfriend" from my last relationship LOL hahaha but yeah so basically agreeing to be "committed" and then this happening kinda just made it feel a lot worse aslkjdf) anyways what im left with now is feelings of residual hurt, uncertainty, and genuninely questioning how comfy I am in this relationship now... but I shall wait until we actually properly talk about it hahaha... also... did you actually raw dog your flights... how do you do that omg I will like do that for periods of time but usually I have music going for most of it... (today during my flight from Amsterdam (layover) to where I live I watched one of my fav comfort movies three times in a row (it's Zootopia LMAO)) Europe Trip stuff: my fave part was def the guided, all inclusive tour we did of Norway country side form Voss to Bergen - it was hiking, biking, and kayaking! I died physically (i mean like one of the days was 61 km of biking... and we were doing stuff for 6 days) BUT EVERYTHING WAS SO PRETTY AND THE WEATHER WORKED OUT AMAZINGLY usually its rainy and dreary and cloudy (like where I live - honestly norway looks like exactly where I live) but it was SUNNY the WHOLE time!! I got to swim in the fjords and go fishing (I LOVE fishing...) and just take in all the nature as I hiked and biked etc... and my younger brothers and I made some friends with another family on the tour (there were four other families in total) - this family had three boys - two 17 y/o twins and a 14 y/o - they were so much fun tbh LOL the 14 y/o was very mature tho (maybe more than his brothers tbh) I thought he was like 17 when I first met him and thought his brothers were like 20 LMAO they're all tall- anyways, the 14 y/o, he thought I was like 15 when we first met (I think he developed a crush on me ngl by the end of the tour lol) anyways ya it was fun !!! sorry for the LONGGG life update... HOW ARE YOU DOING STARRR

ily always 💕🫶💖 🌱

RAHHHHHH MY ANGELLLLL I’VE MISSED YOU SOOOOO MUCH IM SO SORRY FOR NOT BEING ON HERE IN A MILLION YEARS I swear time has just moved so weird ever since lolla I still feel like I came back yesterday????? WTAF…… ANYWAYS!!! EUROPE!!!!! AND SCHOOL!!!!! HOW WAS EUROPE and how is school going (I’m assuming you started again???) I hope it’s going so well!!!!! I’ve been crazy busy at work it’s insane, I swear the work is just nonnnnnstop it’s making me want to die 😭 what’s crazy is that I started this blog bc I always had so much free time and now I can barely stay online bc I always have some shit going on at work it’s so frustrating RAHHHH

Ugh. I can’t believe all the confusion??? With South Africa guy????? First of all I totally understand your hesitation for an “official title” bc shitty relationships will definitely do that to you 🧍‍♀️but his communication fr seems so spotty 😭 anyways I’m assuming he responded to the message by now (I’d be scared if he didn’t????) but I hope there’s some form of resolution there? I mean he sounds like a catch and I’m so glad you guys get along well and seem to have mutual feelings for each other but it really sucks when that’s the case and then it just quickly turns into a guy completely wasting your time 😕 waiting for more updates but I just don’t want you to end up getting hurt by all of this!! I’ll beat his ass frfr

AHHHH THAT SOUNDS LIKE SO MUCH FUN I would’ve been dying from all the physical activity too I don’t blame you LMAO 😭 I’m so glad you met so many cool people (and even had someone develop a lil crushy crush on you HAHAHA) but that sounds amazing!!! Also how was the kpop store there??? I hope it was everything you dreamt of AAAAA it’s so much fun to find kpop stuff in places away from home 😭 I haven’t been to a kpop store in months now but I’m aiming to go this Thursday for a FAT shopping trip. Will keep u posted 😋🤞

ANYWAYS I AM GOOD I’ve just been crazy busy and I feel really bad that I’ve been so bad about being on here ???!,!.!.!.! Also working thru Kinktober and my eyes are burning out of my skull from all my screen time but. WORTH IT……

I love you so so so much I need a million more updates so I know all’s still well with you! Sending all my love as USUALLLLL 💓💓💓💓🫶👼

[causenessus]

HI NESS MY LOVE <333 i hope you’ve had a good morning evening or afternoon!! how’s your day been? make sure u eat !! today i had dim sum with the family and we’re going to a temple now, the weather is so much better than it has been the last few days like tell me why summer is barely doing it’s summer thing like where’s the WARM weather not the HOT IM GONNA DIE weather

also HAVE A GOOD SHIFT!! or i hope you had a good shift WHENEVER YOU READ THIS and omg some grocery store sandwiches are literally so good idk what premade processed stuff it is but sometimes it just HITS like i eat it up like its some gourmet food like something about it is just so good LOL but omg i don’t trust grocery store sushi like the raw fish especially because like i think i’m just extra scared since i’ve had food poisoning before LOL so now i’m like extra extra cautious, but maybe ill try the non-raw ones and report back!!

but OMG THE ANON APOCALYPSE HELLO LIKE WHATS THAT ABOUT? i genuinely got so upset reading on eggy and wry’s blog because im like guys??? lets be nice??? hello??? why are we attacking our smau writers like i was genuinely flabbergasted that they would get hate or you or like ANYONE it’s so crazy, i was thinking of literally revealing my blog because im like i don’t wanna be lumped into the mean anons… LOL it’s not like i have a problem with going un-anon now but i’ve been graced with the name mango ANON so now i feel weird suddenly coming out like heyyy guysss this is the real me in my full glory (reveals myself as an actual mango) (sorry this is so silly LOL)

also STOP UR SO SWEET i might bcuz i <3 talking to you like everytime you reply i have to sit down and genuinely take in everything you say and im always like omg no way omg wait omg this like it’s at a point where i’m switching through my notes app and tumblr so i can read and respond at the same time LOL

but i’m excited for ur project !!! whatever you have planned! but make sure ur also taking care of yourself and SLEEPING!! SLEEP IS IMPORTANT SO MAKE SURE YOU TAKE CARE OF URSELF!! if i have to sing you a lullaby every night i will commit myself to sing you a lullaby !! ALSO THATS SO SWEET “ness has a mango anon” IT DOESNT SOUND MEAN DW!! ur like the sweetest and nicest person ever don’t even worry about being mean, IM THE ONE WORRYING ABOUT BEING MEAN OR BEING TOO MUCH ur doing perfectly fine!

but take care of yourself!! drink plenty of water and EAT!! make sure you eat at work and take care of yourself!! xoxoxo

HELLO AAAA!! i hate missing a day where i don't answer u but at the same time like getting to talk to you TWICE in a day is such a treat!!!! and honestly it's three times if you count you yelling at me to go to bed earlier this morning 😭😭😭 and AA!!! i have't had dim sum in so long i hope it was good!!! and for me idk the weather is like having a stroke??? it's cloudy and then it rains for five seconds and then there's LIGHTING and then suddenly it's 95 degrees outside??? but that's how my state always is 😭 like genuinely most of the time everytime i walk out the door it's different weather

I'M GONNA PUT THE REST OF THIS UNDER A CUT BC I YAPPED SO MUCH BE PREPARED

AND THANK YOU!! tbh omg it was not good 😭 well it WAS good i got some pretty big pieces done i was very proud of it!! because i work in like a framing department :D but then i got called out to help this dude and like??? maybe his daughter or wife idek??? and he was like "i want to frame this thing i have that is this dimensions with a mat so what should i do" and i was like "well you could do this frame we're standing right next to (i didn't say that part) but your mat's gonna be small" and he asked me how much it would cost and BRO I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T ESTIMATE FOR THE LIFE OF ME BECAUSE IT DEPENDS ON LIKE 50 FACTORS AND I'M STILL A LITTLE NEW so i was like "for that size?? $30 probably" (it is expensive </3) AND SORRY I'LL HURRY UP AND GET TO THE POINT but he was like "no. no. how much would it cost TOTAL?" and i'm gonna start writing this as dialogue bc i'm lazy.

(he had two things he wanted to frame)

me: well this frame is $40 so it's gonna be $70 per one

man's wife/daughter/thing: $40 for a frame? that's outrageous

me: 🧍‍♂️ (i cannot control prices. i am a framer. although i did not build this frame u are basically insulting me to my face and i no longer know what u want me to say and i no longer want to help u.)

me: well. they're on sale. so.

and then i POINT to the "on sale sign" that say BUY ONE GET ONE 50% OFF

man: okay so how much is the sale.

i then stare at the sign i just pointed at.

me: well the sale is buy one get one 50% off. so $60.

him:

me:

him: okay we're going

i then walk away and make a point to glare at his woman for her rude comment

woman: do you have this frame in 16x20? i could only find 14xblahblablah i don't remember

me: no what we have out here is what we have

man: we're going since SHE CAN'T HELP US.

AND THEN THEY CONTINUED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT ME AS THEY WERE WALKING OUT AND SAID I WAS NO HELP AND SOMEONE SHOULD TALK TO ME 😭😭😭 like man bro i told you the prices what did you want me to do barter you and say if you give me a cheese wheel you can have the frame?????????????????????????????? like my coworkers all checked on me afterwards and defended me bc like 😭😭 what did i do 😭😭 SORRY i had to tell someone bc that was lowkey so upsetting and being asked if i was okay right after I ACTUALLY ALMOST CRIED which was a good part!! bc i haven't been able to cry for months (sorry this is so long and such a lore drop) but then i didn't cry bc i didn't want to ruin my makeup LMFAO 😭 and this is probably why my tear ducts gave up on me bc i never let them cry anyway

OKAY SORRY STORY TIME IS OVER AND YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THE PROCESSED FOOD 😭 like i KNOW that poke bowl was NOT good for me and tbh i really don't like it but i had nothing else to eat 😭😭😭 AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR YOU ARE GENUINELY SO SWEET AND FUNNY <3 when i imagined you making a burner blog 😭😭😭 i literally imagined you making the user mango anon LMAOAOAO but definitely feel free to do that!! CAUSE I DO THE SAME THING I LOVE READING ABOUT YOUR DAYS AND LIKE KEEPING MENTAL NOTES OF EVERYTHING I WANT TO SAY AND HIGHLIGHT !! <333

AND THANK YOU SO MUCH I WILL DEF SLEEP (i am literally drinking a matcha and it is almost midnight and i start school tomorrow. anyway.) BEING SLEEP DEPRIVED WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA TODAY I LITERALLY SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ON THE ROADS TODAY BUT I AM STILL ALIVE AND WELL!!! AND I'M SO SO EXCITED TO HEAR WHAT U THINK OF THE ENTIRE PROJECT WHEN IT'S OUT!! <3 take care of yourself and i hope you have a lovely day mango anon!!!! i hope the weather isn't too bad for you and make sure to eat and drink lots of water!! and sleep!! <3

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary143

2/4-5/2024

sunday - monday

monday is the last day off, so i feel like i need to make tomorrow count, or something. i can record tomorrow, actually, pretty exciting, idk if i will, though.

the internet being bad makes a lot of stuff hard, despite that, i've found a way to waste a lot of today, or not waste it, it was nice. i went out with my gf, just the two of us, we walked to get food, the food was good, this japanese restaurant, we just got these sandwiches/burgers (not w/ beef though , she got a shrimp burger thing, i got chicken), they were good, kind of insanely huge and we didn't have to east anything else today really. we also got milk tea. i never really like boba in mine, and my gf likes it but today didn't get any, cuz it'd upset her stomach too much. it was also nice and cloudy out today, we got some stuff from target.

i've just been kind of enjoying decompressing from all the physical stress today, of the past little bit. the moving and the job, very very hard on me, basically. but i didn't do nothing today, the walk wasn't bad but i did decide i had to scrub the floors, some, or at least a good chunk. it seems like maybe i just can't get this place clean for real. using an abrasive sponge, working in pretty small zones and soaking up what i scrub out and putting it in water immediately, nothing is working, heavy duty cleaner, nothing. it's getting better but it won't go away completely, these fake wood panels are way too porous and i think the laminate is fucked or something. i don't know what to do really, just keep trying, but it's probably basically futile.

i also kind of got some of my favorite socks dirty because i just thought, i'll try and start in the bathroom, but then i decided i needed to get more of the apartment, it was absentminded i was just focusing on cleaning, and they're dirty, these really long and nice american apparel socks my gf gave me, they were hers, she says they'll be fine when we get bleach on them and stuff, plus if that doesn't work, she says she will try and get her mom to get them drycleaned i guess. i tried to wash them. i'm pretty sad about this but it probably will be okay. even if the bleach doesn't work there's other stuff we can try, is i guess the point.

i just went and scrubbed them a little, gently, with detergent, something came out i think. i think i'm probably sort of crazy about this kind of thing but whatever, it makes me hopeful about the bleach, is what i'm thinking. anyway. the apartment. idk, it feels not sticky in the places i cleaned at least. so as long as nobody wears their shoes all over in here, we should be okay. or i guess me, since i'm the one that cares a lot, i'll be okay. i'll be okay no matter what i guess.

music to space out with. funny how this band sounds like some people trying to do xiu xiu a bit.

re: music rn, the problem song sounds really really really close, i need the right channel to be thicker sounding, but the tone is right, just needs more body for presence, left channel has something a little plastic in it, maybe the solution is lower the left channel by 1-2 db, and then raise the group they're both in by 1 db so they can both be equal + louder together, rather than graphically eqing? idk. putting these notes down for later, maybe, tomorrow i might just decide to work on the rest of the songs so this phase can be over with, and then i pick out the 'still a problem' songs, and get to work on them.

just did some listening to some tracks on the album, it's so weird how they sound when listened at low volumes, which makes me think i need to correct something but idk, it's also like, i use 2 different programs to listen back to music sometimes. vlc is weirdly quiet and ugly sounding, and mpv seems super clear and accurate. it's interesting, i did testing by uploading the current issue song to soundcloud privately and then testing if the upload sounds more like mpv or vlc, it sounds more like mpv, but it also gains a touch of clarity there or something. it has to do w/ the compression i suppose, that the site adds to music.

the same desire still stands, add more body to the right (make some shelving towards the end in the lows less aggressive? maybe just move it down out of the low mid range), and maybe cut around 1k in the left channel? and then i will drop it by 1-2db, raise the group by 1, that should be good on the guitars, snares need a tiny bit of punch, what do i do there, maybe just up the level? i'll try that tomorrow.

listening to holy molar at super low volume, they have a similar issue w/ how my stuff sounds at low volume, that record went to printing, so that's okay i suppose, it's not an issue, it's literally just got headroom, i think. i think the issue is, if anything, that my guitars don't really have headroom, but it's impossible for them to as far as i can tell, because of their nature as weird digital synths going thru weird digital distortion.

i listened to a diff recording but it's a good song, the version on the 03 ep that's compiled onto this record.

anyway i am sooo sleepy, but i am looking forward to working on music tomorrow. tobeehonesttttttttt. i need to have my head together for that,

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[girltomboy]

I have been feeling empty again since going back to work. Working between christmas and NYE at my non-essential job is soul-sucking, especially considering the fact that the teams we collaborate with for 80% of our work are not working these days. So we just send off a bunch of workload their way, and then nothing. Even the non-stop fast food in my area is closed (or has shorter hours/is not non-stop anymore, not sure) these days. Anyway, I have to do some chores tonight that I haven't been looking forward to (I already did some, just need to complain is all). And I'm already having PMS like 12 days before my period, and a blood shot eye. I haven't even had the energy to do yoga yesterday, and I have to squeeze it in tonight, in between chores and my shower or something. And I took a nap today after work and dreamed that I was teaching this little girl how to avoid strange /creepy/dangerous men. And she was looking up at me with such love and gratitude and called me cute, and we entered this cycle of hugging and complimenting each other. Then I was following my parents around their town, they were on this tour where they visited key places there. In reality there's not many places like that (almost none lol) but in the dream they were very committed and even had a little list going on. And I also saw this photo of an absurdist's living room, and it was this large living room with lovely vintage furniture, and the only two things that were a bit out of place there were this blanket on the couch that was dusty pink and had these shapes and swirls on it, and a wall-mounted flat screen TV. I looked at the blanket and thought yeah that's surely an absurdist's blanket. Cause of the shapes on it I think lol. Anyway the room looked super cool. And then there was this new League champion that my bf was playing in ARAM. It was a god and was huge, and looked a bit like Jinbe from One Piece (it was fat and blue with black hair and a half bun) only it had a red kimono with yellow edges and an elephant trunk. Probably tentacles too. And it became extremely large and like stopped or slowed down the time. Like the time in the game. And it was a bit terrifying ngl. And then in the last part of the dream for some reason my grandma was this highly wanted war criminal or something, but she was actually innocent. And idk how but she got shot and I started hugging her and crying and she kept telling me to stop crying. Very categorically, as if I was really crying for a silly reason. So idk if in my dream it was really her that got shot or whatever, but it felt that way. But I was too in between states to really tell the difference.

Anyway, I did some laundry and changed the table cloth in my room, which was a whole ordeal because of how much stuff I had to move and then put back. On the table. I need to change the pillow cases, clean the fridge, do the dishes, do yoga, find something to munch on for dinner, and then finally take a shower. This shouldn't take me long but I'm in the mood to go back to sleep. Or just lie in bed. Technically I shouldn't need rest but my energy levels are far away. I'm also cranky because it was grey, cold, cloudy, and fucking dark outside the whole time I was free. And the day, the very day I went back to work. The sun came out. And don't get me wrong, it's still nice even if I can't enjoy it directly. But I really needed some sunlight. And that couples awfully with the fact that, well, I have to work my useless job. For 3 days. Doing fucking nothing but still having 9 hours of my day eaten up by it.

[daisyvstheworld]

Day 17 - Jan 17 - Grindelwald/Jungfraujoch

I woke up super early for NO REASON bc I didn’t even make my original train. I was sad that I was leaving so I took my fine time. I pooped and then I packed up, went down to breakfast at 7:10ish. The breakfast buffet was so nice!! The restaurant was super pretty and the mountain was just appearing as the sun was rising. There was an omelette station but I just got scrambled eggs, some mini waffles (bad), fruit, cheese to sample, and coffee. Turns out they had yogurt lol I didn’t have to buy yesterday. Wish I had known.

I was originally planning to get to the train station for the 7:48am departure but I took too long to eat and poop again, and then the front desk wasn’t open so I couldn’t check out until 7:55am :( the lady said the bus ran every 15 mins but I waited and it never came so I just walked down to the Grindelwald station and waited for the 8:18am departure. There was a huge group of Korean tourists that all went WHAAAA at a flock of birds flying away

Anyways that group left on a different train and I hopped on mine. Once I got to the terminal, it looked like there were only skiers and I was like uhh wtf am I not supposed to be here.. but eventually I saw 2-3 other tourists. The lockers didn’t work so I had to pay 10 francs to put them in the peoples back office -_-

The view up was soooo pretty!! It’s kind of cloudy today but I think it’s supposed to clear up a bit at the top. Idk I hope so at least.

I went to the bathroom once we got to Eigergletscher since the next train wasn’t departing for 20 mins and literally when I got out of the stall, a bunch of people were waiting in line and then this huge ass group of like 40 Korean tourists showed up at the ticket line I was like wtf

We got on the tram and it was a 30min or so ride up, through a tunnel in the mountain.

OoF this altitude!! We took a stop at Eismeer and of course it’s cloudy and shit so you can’t really see anything but you can see how vast the snow valley is. And it’s windy so it was cool to see the little snow storm

Once we got to the top; the swarm of Korean tourists began hahah I did the tour a little out of order because it was so chaotic but it worked out! My selfie stick really came in clutch

Unfortunately it was super cloudy and windy so you can’t really see much 😭😭 but I got some cool photos and they even had a little picture op showing that this was a film location for Crash Landing on You.

The Lindt workshop area didn’t appear to be open and Restaurant Crystal looked closed too but I found out it just opened at 11am so I just waited a couple minutes for it open and ordered my alcoholic coffee and cheesecake 😊 took my Pepcid AND lactaid like a responsible asian. Lowkey I was hoping the sky would clear up a little before I left 🥲 it did not lol so I left.. a little disappointing but tbh I should’ve checked. When I checked, it said it was gonna be sunny but it LIED or I forget when it was supposed to be sunny and I left too early.. but I rather go to Lausanne than wait for the chance of it potentially clearing up even though it looked very unlikely. NEVERTHELESS, I am grateful for the opportunity and it felt cool to just be at the top. It does have a kind of surreal splendor being that high up surrounded by snow and winds. It feels like I shouldn’t be there considering how wild the weather is. Wish it was a little/lot clearer but no regrets!!!

Ok I’m on the last train rn to Lausanne.. and oh my god. Taking trains in Switzerland is nice but sometimes you gotta pray your train is on time or you’ll mess up your ENTIRE schedule. I’m done with transfers now but I just took 3 trains to get to where I am now. If I missed any of them, I’d be panicking.. the train from Interlaken to Spielz was stressful bc we just stopped 10 mins out from the station to wait for an oncoming train??? So the announcer said we’d be a few minutes late and I was like BRUH we’re supposed to arrive at 1:51 and then I’m supposed to catch a different train at 1:54!!!! What do you MEAN A FEW MINUTES LATE

Luckily we were on time or just a minute or so late and it’s a small station so I just sprinted across the platform and got on the next train. I’ve had to take out my passport every single time they check my ticket, but luckily I think I only have to do it once more after this when I take this train later to get to Geneva. It’s been snowing all over the country, it’s quite pretty!

I got hungry and ate the last pretzel bread, but as I was eating I realized that this bread is like 3 days old.. like I brought it all the way from Salzburg, Austria… oh well, it’s in tummy now. Along with the random shit I had for breakfast, a coffee with whipped cream and Williams, and a cheesecake. Lol.

JESUS CRISTO

Je is back on the train to Geneva - it’s 6:15pm. I have sweat so much today. I am wearing SO MANY LAYERS. I went from being in -18 degree weather to like 35/40 degree weather carrying all my bags and walking up hills. To say I was sweating at the Olympic Museum is a SEVERE understatement. I thought I was gonna have a freaking panic attack, but I didn’t wanna waste time by taking layers off bc the museum was closing in 2 hours. The museum was suuuuper cool!! Gave a history of the Olympics going back to the origin in Athens and moving to modern Olympics who apparently a French man brought back in the early 1920s, ain’t that wild! He was very much about the unity of art and sport. There were exhibits on the development of Olympic sport, the host cities, the demonstration of art and culture, ALL the torches from the ceremonies displayed, and the stories behind them all. I wish I had more time bc it was truly so cool. Then they had an exhibit of artifacts donated by athletes and the games. The last one was more interactive and shows the athletes village, their nutrition/health/well-being, and a zone for people to play games and such. Quite cool, quite cool indeed. Again, wish I had more time. But I rushed the last bit to make sure I had time to walk through the gift shop really quick, go to the bathroom, and grab my stuff. I took a couple of quick photos at the Olympic park and started back. I feel so musty at this point (and hungry) that I just wanted to get to Geneva. I walked back to the metro and hopped on the Ouchy line back to Lausanne Gare. It’s only 2 very quick stops, but when we hit the first stop, this man came SLIDING into the door and ended up not even getting in. His foot didn’t make it through the train door, only the station door. It looked so painful though - he was a pretty skinny man and I think he slipped on accident. He got up pretty fast though. But I gasped really loudly bc it felt like a cartoon in a movie.

Anyways I got on the train. It’s quite packed. I wanted to eat but I don’t wanna eat in front of all these people so I guess I wait until I get to Geneva.. and walk 10-15 mins to my hostel 😭😭.. and check in… 😭😭😭

I have done so much today. I’ve taken 7 trains today. Plus the metro. I’m so tired 😭

[theflyingfeeling]

when I felt happy and carefree again for a while

(= a concert report of a kind from BC @ Särkänniemi 11.8.2023 🖤)

- First things first, the weather report: partly cloudy most of the time, not too warm but not too cold either (until maybe after the gig; I knew I didn't pack my super sexy gloves in vain 😌)

- The atmosphere was rather chill at the amusent park where the concert was held, so we had a chance to hang about and even go to exactly one ride lol (which was quite enough for us and we actually had a fun time and really put the amusement in amusement park tyvm, unlike the other (10-ish) people in the ride who looked like they'd rather be literally anywhere else)

- Also @wearenosaints and I were asked to give our extremely coherent and otherwise correct opinions about the Back To School event to the press like the very important people we are so yeah if you see our faces on the paper tomorrow that's us hiiiii 👋

- I was pleasantly surprised to get MUCH better spots than what I had last time BC played at Särkänniemi (=couldn't see shit from the stage being so low and all the phones and fucking CARDBOARD SIGNS blocking our view), our spots were rather excellent tbh, at least in comparison to what I was expecting

- ...aaaaaaand then the cardboard signs appeared 🙂

- So yeah if anyone was filming a video at that time (just before BC came on stage), the collective voi vittu! that can probably be heard in the background when the signs first appeared that was definitely us hiiiii 👋

- I know the five months between my previous BC show and this one is a short time in the grand scheme of things I guess but I assure you it's felt like half a lifetime at least, so it was an exciting moment to see all the guys run on stage one by one, I was so thrilled about seeing them with my bare eyeballs again that I was surprised everytime any of them showed up lol, for example I think Joonas was the last one I saw and it took a while for him to come to our side of the stage too, so I was like "oh yay Porko's here too!" as if I had forgotten he's in the band as well 😂

- We saw a LOT of Olli and 😩😩😩😩 he's such a sexy motherfucker that I'm actually mad about it. I love how he really puts his whole goddamn pussy into the show, and the way he's so flirty sjfjfjkfkfkffk for a while I thought he had, you know, someone special watching him from the side of the stage because he kept flirting and making faces towards someone on his left side the whole fucking time, but then I figured Santeri was filming there so I guess he was just flirting with the camera like the common slut he is <3

- (and this totally did not give me any fic ideas about flirty!Olli and jealous!Allu 👀)

- Speaking of Aleksi: 😩😩😩😩😩

- He's nice-looking alright although I've never really been that attracted to him, but literally the first time I saw him tonight I was like 'well damn, Aleksi looks fine as hell?' 😩😩😩😩 the hair he has now looks sooooooo good on him, the shirt he was wearing really brought out his tits made him look rather desirable in my eyes, I may have an itsy-bitsy crush on him now byeeeee 💀

- idk man being there just felt a bit like coming home? 😭 there weren't any surprises in the setlist but honestly I didn't expect there to be, it was sort of comforting actually to know exactly how it was going to go and the guys seemed happy about playing in Finland again as well (Niko: "Everyone here knows our songs!!" 😂🥰)

- They also teased us about the Nokia Arena show that's apparently happening at some point in (near?) future 👀 I mean, don’t quote me on this lol they didn't spill any actual deets but it's gotta be Nokia Arena right? I mean, what else could it be lol

- But yeah. Lately there's been so much stuff in my life that's been stressing me out and making me feel uneasy and worried and some of it even a little sad (just earlier today I had to fight back tears in the bus because I was upset about something that had happened I know I shouldn't be upset about and yet...), but during the show? None of that shit mattered. For those 60 minutes, I was so completely happy and carefree again 🖤

- Many thanks to the peeps who tolerated my bad jokes today and only made little fun of my cool and sexy gloves, you know who you are and I love you <3

- See you next week 🤝

[cryptidsurveys]

Friday, September 20th, 2024.

When’s the last time you ate bread? I had a hamburger bun with dinner last night. Also, do muffins count as bread? Because I had a bit of a walnut and pistachio muffin as well.

What’s the last movie you watched on your own? I think it was The Atticus Institute, all the way back in 2022. I rarely ever watch movies on my own.

What about the last movie you watched with another person? I went to see Inside Out 2 with my mom a few weeks ago.

How many coats do you own? Two. One maroon and one gray.

What about shoes? One basically retired pair of hiking shoes, a pair of mostly black slip-ons, and another black/laced pair that I haven't worn yet (they're for when the cheap slip-ons inevitably wear out).

One word to describe your most recent ex? Idk.

Where, in your current country, would you like to live, other than where you do now? I would really only consider moving to nearby mountain towns because I don't want to lose my connection to the animal shelter (and various city-based conveniences).

Do you like snow? I love it. I'm a little apprehensive about driving in it (my dad did most of the snow driving last winter because I was still in the beginning stages of relearning), but we'll see how it goes. It's not the daytime driving that worries me most - it's driving home in the dark when it's harder to tell how bad the roads are.

Do you like sheer clothing? No.

Have you ever seen anyone famous in the street? I haven't.

Are you hungry right now? No. I just finished eating breakfast a little bit ago.

Are you regularly tired? I am almost always some level of tired. Any errand or outing aside from the animal shelter makes me feel like a backpacker who just stumbled into town on my bloody foot nubs. ;D

What was the last thing to upset you? Family drama. I wasn't an instigator - it wasn't related to anything I said or did - but I'm inextricably involved because of the nature of the drama. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to be in contact with my mom anymore, which is a shame because things seemed to be going in such a positive direction. Also, sorry for being vague, it's just…a lot. I don't want to get into detail and probably never will. Just know that I have sustained Critical Emotional Damage.

How’s the weather been today? It's still early so I don't know how the rest of the day will pan out, but it's currently partly cloudy (or partly sunny according to my computer) and 49*F.

What was the first tattoo you got or what would be the first tattoo you’ll get? My first tattoo was the Eye of Horus on my left shoulder blade.

What was the last store you went into and did you buy anything? Walmart for groceries.

Have you ever been late for school or work? I've never been late for work. As for school…maybe a couple of times?

What is your favorite kind of fruit cobbler? Apple.

Is there a basement in your house? If so, what is it used for? There is. It's mainly used for junk storage and doing laundry.

Have you driven a car today? No.

Do you have a small, medium or large bedroom? It's the master bedroom, so it's fairly spacious.

Where was your first job and how old were you? I guess PDI was technically a job. I don't remember my exact age when I started, but sometime around my mid 20s.

Have you eaten soup this week? I haven't.

Are you a fan of The Office? I've never watched it.

When was the last time you started a new medication? 2018-2019. I tried a few different things within that timeframe, but I'm no longer on any prescribed medications.

What is your favorite type of nut? Cashews or pecans.

Do you know anyone who doesn’t have a middle name? Not that I'm aware of.

Have you put your phone on silent today? It's almost always on silent or vibrate…which is why it's such a wild coincidence that I caught that phone call from my mom yesterday. My dad and I were on the way home from the Mountain Park and I just happened to have it right there in my hand instead of in my bag. Things might have turned out differently if I hadn't picked up. Maybe not in the end (because all roads would have eventually led to Rome), but…lmao. Even though the situation is beyond horrible, I have to laugh or else I'll cry. My mom was apparently having an acute case of "Boomer with a Phone." :')

Can you name all 50 US state capital cities? No.

Do you read John Green novels? I read a few of them when I was younger, but I doubt they would appeal to me now.

Have you ever been to Universal Studios? No.

Can you tie balloons? Usually.

When was the last time you were at a pet store? 2022 when I was doing that work experience thing through DVR. I should go back there sometime… The owner was an absolute hoot.