#because i cant figure out another satisfying ending to his story

[softepilogues]

ok but for real what does a good ending look like for zoro? like sure he becomes the world's greatest swordsman but then what? he stays on the sunny forever? surely not, the whole point of one piece was that eras change and things move forward, there has to be a new generation and a new pirate king after luffy. he pulls a mihawk 2.0 and either wanders the seas or parks himself on an island and fights off weaker challengers? mihawk was so bored doing that that he decided to train the guy who would take the title from him. the very thing that got zoro started on this whole journey was his rivalry with the much stronger kuina. what do you do when your whole life is built around a being stronger than others and then you fulfil your dream and there's no one stronger to challenge?

[lollytea]

I didn't really care about Toy Story 4 that much but I CANT get behind the criticism that the reason it's bad is because it disrupts the "perfect" ending of the third movie. I didn't think the toy story 3 ending was all that satisfying. I think it just acknowledged the toys existential dread over losing their child and rather than confront it, it delays the inevitable for another decade or so by passing them off to a new kid. I think the fact that the 4th movie ended with Woody abandoning his friends to be a vagabond is kinda disrespectful to his character but also at this stage I don't care much about the franchise so I find it funny. The found family's assigned father figure is now out in the big wide world, slutting it up with his ex wife and he is not answering the phone

[the-ninja-legacy-whip]

ok well someone has to ask it how does aftershock work with geo in the picture now

.........WELP. Hmm. I suppose this one's long overdue, huh?

The long and short of it is, Legacyverse is and always was planned to end at a specific point in the timeline. Everything that happens in DR and beyond simply just doesn't apply to this universe, even if I and others entertain certain 'what if' possibilities anyway thanks to recency bias and mere curiosity. As there is no Geo nor any explicit love interest for Cole in the former series, it's still free game for me to throw this random pink guy at him instead, and I have no plans to change what I already, well, planned.

And that's that!

...of course, that being said, I doubt that's going to satisfy you. It doesn't satisfy me, in any case T-T)/

gaaaaaaaaaaaah I am. so full of conflict. *lies on floor*

I know at the end of the day it's my story, it's just a story, I can do what I want, bla bla bla...but I haaaaaaate blatantly going against canon, especially for something that isn't a plot hole or weirdly time/placed or comes off as out of character for the situation, and while there's technically no contradictions if I stick with my initial plans and don't even touch DR, it still feels...kinda unintentionally bad, or at the very least, like, intrusive? Somehow? Even if this was all in motion 2-3 years before Geo was even a thought. But. Y'know.

But it's precisely because that Cole went so long without a love interest that I said 'what the heck' and went for it! I know Cole doesn't ~need~ anyone to be happy, but as I've said in previous posts, given many of his (albeit rather few) character beats—fears of abandonment, fears of being forgotten, feeling 'other' from the rest of the group at times, being a naturally good parental figure, being motivated by having someone/something to protect/defend, literally saying in Quest for Lost Powers that having loving people around him, family, is what keeps him grounded–...having one person consistently dedicated to dispelling his insecurities, enhancing his good qualities, and ensuring that he has the family he needs and/or wants for himself (separate from the other ninja or not)...I always thought Cole deserved that much ;w;)/

And, lo and behold, the show finally agrees too!

(And that's not even tapping into the Gay or Not to Gay argument. My Cole is Demiromantic, thank you. ...Just with slight male preference)

...but. Like. What am I supposed to do now?!

Poor Jesse, hasn't even had the chance to worm his way out of one love triangle, and now his future marriage is already in distress with another. Guy can't catch a break in his life T-T)9

I mean, my god, I doubled down and gave these fools a DAUGHTER—how dare I dare to dream—only for two months later to get ran over by a truck with a new found family for Cole?! With children he adores and cares for and protects with his heart and soul?! With a husband-like figure to love, admire, and cherish Cole as he deserves?!

Of course I love this turn of events! It's exactly what *I* was gonna do! :V

Although I didn't even see Geo as a potential interest at first cuz all the subtext totally went over my head (and I thought Cole was just being Cole, on god lmao) and then I'm bombarded with 'LOOK THE POWERS MAKE A HEART!' 'LOOK AT THEM STARING INTO EACH OTHERS EYES!' 'THEY SAID THEY NEEDED EACH OTHER' 'I THINK THEY'RE FLIRTING HERE' and then I'm like....'aight I see it now. Not that whole heart thing, but yeah, there's something there, but it's probably not going to get much focus lmao'

...and the Season 2 swoops in with rose-colored glasses flashbacks, Geo absolutely remembering things way more romantically than they actually were lmfao, A DAMN FAMILY PHOTO, all the little implications of what went down during the years present together, "WE CANT BE A FAMILY WITHOUT COLE", Cole whooshing in all dramatic and cool to save them, them praising each other for good work with their powers, Cole making a little seat of earth just for Geo, and then ofc all the EXPLICIT handholding and DEFINITE loving eye contact (like holy smokes the way Geo always look at their hands in disbelief every time Cole reaches for him how has no one yelled about THAT one ehhhhh?!? aaAAAAAA) and then the Bonzle hug and forehead thing and oooooh don't even get me started with the "...my OTHER family" line gaaaaah and oh my god the season's only half overrrr

Not Pictured: Jesse lying cold in a ditch

(I mean I have the excuse that Cole legitimately thought Jesse—and potentially Cam if she exists—died in the Merge and that's why he let himself start to move on nor made an attempt to look for anyone and it has been several years...but now in this scenario he's got one family he's obligated to, one that's been his family for the majority of his life, and one that he found for himself and doesn't want to be apart from!)

(And I know all these people could just be different, disjointed members of one big group that Cole considers his family regardless–And probably the concept I like the most! Down with nuclear family labels! Let people just be loved without necessarily fulfilling a niche role!—but it's been a point of contention that some people already think he's moving away from his 'old' family in favor of the 'new' one (whiiiiich I do disagree with, but I can see where these people are coming from given how... disconnected Cole has been with current events that aren't related to The Finders. But that's neither here or there, and probably subject to change in future episodes/seasons —hopefully—juuuust thought I'd mention it while I'm on the soapbox)

Anyway, back to the matter at hand:

*shakes Jesse to the sky as he makes a wobbly foil sound* WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS NOW?!?! Do I truly continue to bother, knowing what unexpected pain *not* caused by me lies in wait for him?! Do I forge on anyway, knowing that it's fruitless in the end?! Do I simply ignore the good fortune that I know canonically comes for Cole further down the line beyond the scope of my reach?! Abandon a precious plotline I put so much prep into to maintain the sanctity of something else good that I do genuine enjoy and appreciate the existence of?! Am I just overthinking and overinvested?! Help?!

Well. *claps hands* Let's weigh our options! We cooooould—

Kill Jesse Off Before The Merge (Extreme, but very doable. A clean way to get him out of way, becomes further tragic backstory/motivation for Cole, and then there's no conundrum with Cam's potential existence. ....Except I don't want to, and this would probably cause a riot lol)

Directly To Polyamory (...which would be totally fine if a) Jesse wasn't Jesse, b) this was something everyone involved was on the same about beforehand and not just as an afterthought, and c) couldn't be interpreted as Cole merely going for an easy fix to a problem he's smack in the middle of. Polyamory is not a fix-all bandaid for every love triangle!)

Just Cancel Aftershock Then (SHUT UP IM IN TOO DEEP ALREADY)

Aftershock Breaks Up Before The Merge (Writing on Impossible Mode??? Okay??? Besides, if this happened in the Cam!Route, Jesse would be sooo bitter it would NOT be pretty—)

Just Kill Jesse (NO)

Aftershock Breaks Up After Reunion After The Merge (Probably the most "logical" route but also the most painful, cuz holy smokes Jesse following in his terrible father's footsteps of becoming a divorcee and subsequently single parent like his mom (which happens in Book 5/NS4, heyo), and Cole following his own (mostly) absent father's footsteps in not being entirely actively present for his daughter's formative years after a tragic event, and Jesse once again being picked over for another person only worse because he had something to actually lose this time, and who knows how this would all affect Cam—what kind of a story ending is this, who WANTS this?!

Aftershock Resolves Issues and Stays Together, Cole and Geo are in a QPR, and Now All of Them Co-Parent 3 to 4 Children? THAT–wait...you know what, I can get behind that one. At least until Cole and Geo smooch on screen or confess undying love or something

...But That's Still Technically Polyamory—AND YET one that doesn't cause issues with Jesse's character or any of the relationships within. And we can always use more QPR rep. Plus, this is just for Legacyverse; Cole and Geo can totally gay it up in canon and I will root for them \(*-*)/

...but, this would require writing a whole story to work out the specifics. Because, my ideas get specific. Especially with Geo and his labels. Something maybe about 15 chapters long, taking place during DRS2P1, with Jesse as the anchor character. Maybe some flashbacks, some angst, some fluffy being parent moments, some tension, we get to formally meet Cam, a Miranda and Harleigh cameo, a hopefully happy ending, and even a playlist (which I have never done for a story before, and I almost cried while doing so).

Totally theoretical, though.

(though I promise I'll update Book 3 first. I finally finished the second rework of the Main Outline, woo :V)

Anywaaaay, I'll probably address some of those asks above with more specific answers later down the line, but I am flattered and distressed at the amount of concern for Aftershock. I...kinda thought people would stop caring with the Advent of Geo, honestly. Not that I'd blame anyone ^^;

But, either way, I am committed to my vision, all while loving this new direction for my boy Cole <3

[staticl0ve]

Commentary ask thingy thing thing

So I’ve split it into two sections because WHY the hell is your work SOOO satisfying to reAD LIKE WHAT POLEASE STOP I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMOR

Exile Chapter 2

“Okay.” You nod. As a single tear slips down your cheek, Caiden squashes the urge to wrap you in his arms. He wants to tell you he’s kidding and that this is a poorly thought out joke. Instead, he listens to the clinking of you grabbing your things and barely hears the door as it shuts. Without you, the space in his condo feels emptier, colder.

Soft, warm colors wrap around a dying bouquet, giving them a burst of romantic color. As night falls, the oranges and pinks fade to darkness. Water drips down the edges of a bathroom sink. On the counter are two toothbrushes. One’s hastily placed on a rolled up tube of toothpaste and the other is dry and resting in its holder.

Past a series of dark hallways and through a doorway, a figure tosses and turns in bed, displacing sheets. Sleep takes Caiden eventually and he lies on his side with a hand that extends to where you once laid

And Exile Chapter 3

Caiden’s footsteps don’t quite meet the ground. His limbs are light one second and heavier than lead the next. With a hand outstretched for balance, he almost knocks into a vase by the door. He’s in his condo and also, not. The entrance of his home opens up to the multicolored glow of the boardwalk. He spots you standing in between the doorway. Your hand is outstretched, a wad of airy and pale pink candy raises to his lips. You tell him to give it a try and he accepts, tasting summer and tangy sweetness.

“What do you think?” you ask, eyes bright and full of joy.

Caiden stands up straighter, feels more of his agency returning to his body. He cups your face to wipe away a streak of pink and squeezes your cheek.

“I think… I could do this forever,” he replies.

Your brows raise, but you don’t say anything else and tug his hand past the door and invite him into the noise of the boardwalk. Waves crash and hit the docks, seagulls soar overhead. He follows you willingly into the warm glow and doesn’t bother looking back.

The door to the condo remains open. Neon lights scatter around a glass vase. It shimmers as the colors refract around water and is broken up into soft shadows by the stems of a new bouquet. Petals flutter as a breeze picks up and the door clicks shut.

Meet me in the afterglow.

😭😭 You’re too sweet!!! 🩵✨🩵✨🩵 Thanks for the ask! A fair warning that this will contain Exile (Sixty/Reader) spoilers.

Commentary Ask Meme | Ask me anything.

For Exile, Chapter 2:

“Okay.” You nod. As a single tear slips down your cheek, Caiden squashes the urge to wrap you in his arms. He wants to tell you he’s kidding and that this is a poorly thought out joke. Instead, he listens to the clinking of you grabbing your things and barely hears the door as it shuts. Without you, the space in his condo feels emptier, colder. Soft, warm colors wrap around a dying bouquet, giving them a burst of romantic color. As night falls, the oranges and pinks fade to darkness. Water drips down the edges of a bathroom sink. On the counter are two toothbrushes. One’s hastily placed on a rolled up tube of toothpaste and the other is dry and resting in its holder. Past a series of dark hallways and through a doorway, a figure tosses and turns in bed, displacing sheets. Sleep takes Caiden eventually and he lies on his side with a hand that extends to where you once laid.

This series is broken up into three parts but the story is told from the middle. Chapter two touches on the beginning and how they know each other, how the relationship began and how it ended up to be where it was in Chapter One.

So with that context, this is the end of Chapter two, the moment we’ve all been dreading: the break up. Sixty’s in a complicated headspace where he greatly enjoys her company but that joy is tainted by his own anxieties about what it means to be so closely tied to another person. In contrast to Connor, who’s married and about to be a father, Sixty can barely stomach the fact that she’s left behind a toothbrush.

I wanted to explore the kind of shifting scale of emotions that can be felt from wanting to be with someone but also the weight of what it means when something is no longer casual (and in his case, it’s stopped being casual for a while). It was his choice to end it, his choice to keep her out of a part of his life and while it’s this gorgeous, rosey pink and soft lavender lighting all around them, the colors don’t match, the feelings are all wrong. In the end… did he make the right choice? Did he already know it wasn’t what he wanted, but it was the quickest way to get him out of a situation and question that he did not want to answer?

Exile, Chapter 3:

Caiden’s footsteps don’t quite meet the ground. His limbs are light one second and heavier than lead the next. With a hand outstretched for balance, he almost knocks into a vase by the door. He’s in his condo and also, not. The entrance of his home opens up to the multicolored glow of the boardwalk. He spots you standing in between the doorway. Your hand is outstretched, a wad of airy and pale pink candy raises to his lips. You tell him to give it a try and he accepts, tasting summer and tangy sweetness. “What do you think?” you ask, eyes bright and full of joy.

It feels like a cop out, but I wanted to end this on a kinda dreamy, symbolic note by bringing the reader back to where Chapter 1 started and the same location where he realized this was more than a fling. I think I wanted the park, the sweetness of the candy, and her asking him for his option to be a way around: what are we now?

Caiden stands up straighter, feels more of his agency returning to his body. He cups your face to wipe away a streak of pink and squeezes your cheek. “I think… I could do this forever,” he replies.

AHA. Finally. The man has confided with his brother, weighed the pros and cons…and while he doesn’t necessarily feel the same certainty that Connor has about love n all that mushy stuff, Sixty at this point, can see the bigger picture. All that matters to him is he gets to be a part of her life and vice versa.

Your brows raise, but you don’t say anything else and tug his hand past the door and invite him into the noise of the boardwalk. Waves crash and hit the docks, seagulls soar overhead. He follows you willingly into the warm glow and doesn’t bother looking back. The door to the condo remains open. Neon lights scatter around a glass vase. It shimmers as the colors refract around water and is broken up into soft shadows by the stems of a new bouquet. Petals flutter as a breeze picks up and the door clicks shut.

This part is still all a dream, so the real answer hasn’t been said, but I wanted to bring back memories of that desolate…sad empty vase, their break up, and have it be refreshed, full, lively once again. Trying to capture the roller coaster of ups and downs in any relationship, how it’s not always going to be that ball of exciting fire and yeah, sometimes…sometimes you gotta remember to add more water to the vase, do something new.

Meet me in the afterglow.

I love music and listened endlessly to the same playlist over and over as I wrote this. Starting from the vibes of Exile and ending with Afterglow. I’m so happy you enjoyed it 💖 I hold that story quite dear to my heart and feel like Sixty’s a great canvas to explore these sort of complexities in someone who’s not typically romantic.

[orangepunkwitch-blog]

Ahem... I know that I've got way more followers here than I do my personal blog, but I haven't had much worth posting here.

Until now..

I'm putting a little "read more" thing cuz there's gonna be some TMI and I'm not exactly uh.. done experiencing this yet.

It's day 2 of my period, my hormones are rampaging, mom's at work, and my dad and my muž ran to the store to pick some stuff up. Perfect. I've got some time to satisfy a need that I couldn't otherwise without risking being heard cuz this cheap vibrator (hi, I'm poor) is stupid-loud, this is a 1-story house, and I don't need to risk getting carpal tunnel with nitrile gloves.

I had a fucking orgasm scared out of me because my bedroom door MOVED BY ITSELF )in the way that if a door at one end of the house is opened, then another at the opposite end will move, cuz this house wasn't built by qualified people and stuff. I thought my cat left through her little kitty door (she didnt) or that someone got home early (they didnt) and I figured that if it was the latter, my mind was in a state of not caring, and I finish up.

I clean up, leave my bedroom to go to the bathroom and OH LOOK SOMETHING WALKED STUPID-FAST PAST THE HALL DOORWAY AS IF SOMEONE WALKED FROM THE DINING ROOM TO THE LIVING ROOM. I quickly dart out of the hall to see who (the direction they would've gone leads to the window and there's no other rooms in that direction) and NOBODY WAS THERE.

I'm also feeling, like, not home alone at all. So I go to the bathroom and if it's an intruder, I'm ready to beat some ass with the filthy plunger cuz I gotta pee and change my pad, fucking try me, whoever you are.

I finish up, wash my hands (as I type this I'm HEARING DOORS MOVE AGAIN) come back to the bedroom, and for a quick answer, I use the pendulum. (My room is warded heavily) I ask all 3 of my gods if it's them, if it's someone I know, or a human spirit. I got a no on all 3. Best answer I got was a snake spirit? Not the gazdik/domovoi.(?)

Soooo I'm not leaving my room for anything until my muž gets home. I'm actually, as I type this, a bit too spooked to play anything on YouTube thru his Xbox right now. My cat, Luna, is by the electric radiator not caring about the situation.

It's not whether I'm in danger, it's that I don't often get enough privacy to take care of some sexual needs on my own, so it REALLY FUCKS UP MY PLANS WHEN I CANT EVEN GET ANY SPIRITUAL PRIVACY. WHY CANT THEY WAIT UNTIL IM DONE?!

I've got a werewolf spirit that has chilled within my area near me because he's fascinated with me, he knows I've also got a monster kink, BUT EVEN HE SEEMS TO RESPECT MY BOUNDARIES AND GIVE ME PRIVACY AND NOT ACTUALLY SEE THAT AS AN INVITATION TO JUST SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME WHEN IM JUST TRYING TO SOOTHE MY RAGING BEAN. (I legit think he's too afraid to interact with me. Haven't gotten around to really figuring out more about him. Long story?)

And as I type this (my phone autocorrected things that didn't need it so I had to go over this post again for edits), my muž just got home. I can finally have my chicken nuggets. I'm gonna ask him if he's seen or feel weird shit since getting home since he's WAY more sensitive to spiritual activity than I am.

[soul-dwelling]

Dragonball is a good example, with Toriyama infamously claiming that "its about nothing" (which I think he means that it isnt some grand metaphor or has any subtext or deep themes), but still I think people who only complain about how strong or weak people should be are even missing all the obvious surface action stuff, like they cant even enjoy the thing that kids enjoy in it because they conviced themselves "this charachter is too strong than he should be so its bad!!!!"

A bit of an aside before I ask for a source on the Toriyama statement, and how Fire Force failed where Soul Eater succeeded at avoiding these “it’s about nothing” / “this character is too powerful” problems: 

LOL, “this character is too strong” has been my ranting about All For One in the latest My Hero Academia chapters. 

(I won’t spoil the chapter that won’t be out for another week, but I feel that way with two or three other characters, too, based on recent events.) 

It’s that problem of the Stan Lee idea. To paraphrase Lee, who would win in a fight, X or Y? Whoever the author wants to win--if the author wants X to win, they will work backwards to figure out how to make that happen. It’s about the desired effect you want on the audience. 

But me speaking now, rather than Lee: I kind of hate that. I get the point of determining who you want to win in order to advance the plot or to give your story a satisfying ending. But I also think, as with My Hero Academia, it needs to make sense. You want All For One to keep losing to drag out this fight? Then make it believable. Even “All For One is just toying with them” would work for me. But when you give All For One that countdown clock, then you have to do an ass-pull to justify why he now needs to win? That is “this character is too strong”: it makes me ask why you didn’t do this earlier? You might as well have just repeat “Shigaraki needs this many more minutes to perfect himself”: just have All For One need enough time to “fix” himself, hence how the Pro Heroes delay him long enough--and if the Heroes fail, then he will be able to unleash his attack and speed off to his next destination. 

I can’t find Toriyama saying that quotation. I only just found that Toriyama’s editor is said to have made similar remarks. Do you have a source for Toriyama’s remark about meaning? 

I found the remarks by Toriyama’s editor thanks to Reddit--and I have to agree with a lot of the most popular remarks, that being, that a work of art doesn’t get its meaning from the creator alone but from an audience as well. 

I don’t want to ignore an author’s intention--but that is the intentional fallacy, because a work gains meaning from how people interpret it. When I teach literature, I need a student to offer evidence about what they find in the text to persuade me that the interpretation they are making comes out of evidence in that text and logically can lead to that one conclusion. In this regard, the text is writerly more than readerly because that reader got something out of that text to effectively write meaning into that story themselves. 

So, I don’t care whether Toriyama or his editor think Dragon Ball is about nothing or has no meaning--some reader out there will get whatever they want from it, whether that’s cool fights, or some message about parents and children, or the drive to get better at something you enjoy, or the value of protecting people, or that scanners and power levels are bullshit. It’s entertainment, people get different things from it. 

That may be one of the unintentional strengths of Ohkubo’s work on Soul Eater--and why I can’t stand Fire Force. Soul Eater was a writerly text for me: there are so many gaps in it that you can fill in, meanings you can grab from it as you wish, debates you can have whether courage is really enough, whether fear is something that can be approached. Fire Force was a badly done readerly text: the meaning is forced onto you, the message is forced onto you, but the message is repellent and the execution of it is so full of inconsistencies, not helped by a story whose own lore, rules, and worldbuilding is also so inconsistent. 

Maybe this a bad example, for multiple reasons, but it’s like The Life of Brian--bad first of all given some stuff that has not aged well (some Pythons taking hard-right nearly fascistic turns; the gags around a trans character and whether you read them as accepting her or mocking her), and that the plot actually undermines my point, that Brian is not the messiah. But think about it: Brian is the “author” in this sense, as he keeps telling people he is not the messiah--but as long as there is an audience, they are going to apply meaning to his words, actions, even his possessions like his shoes. 

An author by themselves can say, “This means nothing,” but an audience will find meaning--because they see something that author does not. It’s not that the author is wrong or that the audience is wrong--it’s just whether you can bring enough evidence and logic to persuade someone, and if you agree or are persuaded, then it’s correct, and if you don’t agree or you aren’t persuades, then you’re still correct. 

It’s how you get Loki in Dogma convincing a nun that the Walrus and the Carpenter is an allegory about religions being bullshit--before Loki himself reveals he was just fucking with that nun, he doesn’t believe that allegory he just made up.

[homieswithhades]

on s5 potential character deaths:

eleven: im sorry but if el dies i die. i can see it making sense sacrificing/killing her if the end of s5 is meant to be like the end of s1, and she has to do smth to close the upside down forever, but like. i think my biggest fear there would be a sorta open ending where she gets locked in there by herself forever. also. hopper cant lose another daughter. that would genuinely just be way too cruel.

mike: they will not kill mike. near death experience, sure, but they wont kill him dead. he's one of the main protags and central to will and els story. if they wanted the gang to lose completely they'd kill mike. i can see mike pulling a s1 and sacrificing himself for his friends, but narrowly escaping.

will: not happening! i try to ignore cast comments but like, even the duffers said they need to solve his arc in a satisfying way. killing the gay kid whos been suffering for 5 seasons is not satisfying.

dustin: ive seen people saying this but.... i personally dont see it happening? i dont think there's much text in the actual show implying he might die.

lucas: nope. not happening. first and foremost because max needs him, and second, because his friends also need him. he's too smart to die.

max: cant kill her 2 seasons in a row. unfair to el and lucas too. they dont need more trauma. plus, if they were gonna leave her dead they wouldn't have had el revive her

jonathan: also seen ppl say this but the reason they wont kill him is bc that would just be soul crushing to will. if a character is deeply connected to will they cant die. plus, joyce can't lose another son again.

nancy: dont hate me but i think this is likely.... she's been shown to get the closest to figuring out vecnas whole shebang, and she's connected to mike who vecna is definitely gonna hunt relentlessly. i don't want her to die i will literally throw up but its... possible

steve: it'd be cruel to kill off both of dustin's older brother figures. plus if eddie is coming back he wont come back as human eddie– they'll probably have to just kill him again

robin: it'd be homophobic + what would have been the point of vickie ? 

joyce: will cant lose his mom and hopper cant lose his partner plain and simple

hopper: hes died before its not gonna happen again. el cant lose her dad again

[softyoongiionly]

Talk to Me in Korean (Advanced Edition)

Your boyfriend’s English is basically better than yours at this point.

After an amazing birthday, he decides to use his newfound skills to get ahead and begin planning next years celebration.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Genre: established relationship au, domestic au, idol! jk, this is a part three to my other talk to me in korean installments but they don’t have to be read in order :)

A/N: Hiiii I’m back??? Hopefully??? This past month has been ROUGH (but like 2020 am I rite?) so I’ve been having a ton of writers block but as always, Jungkook has a way of pulling me out of all of the that. I’m sorry this is like my 50000th domestic jk story in a row ok??? I CANT HELP IT, ITS HIS FAULT. okiii anyway I love you, it’s 3am- this is unedited and im so sleepy. I love you again. 

Warnings: smut (18+ only plz), more so dirty talking than anything but stillll 

Fresh coffee.  

It’s the first thing Jungkook smells when his eyes peek open.  

His flush against the white cotton of the pillow that still holds the scent of your shampoo.  

He literally can’t help the grin that erupts onto his lips as he remembers exactly how the night before played out.  

As he remembers exactly where he is.  

He remembers that his members had organized a surprise dinner for his birthday party which included the finest selection of meat, veggies and various other side dishes money could buy.  

Not to mention, they ended the evening the introduction of a giant banana milk themed cake.  

Despite stuffing himself till near immobilization as well as being surrounded by his best friends, nothing could have prepared him for his final gift: you.  

The boys had flown you in from out of town and organized for your arrival in the middle of the party.  

Jungkook may have shed a few tears as nothing could have made him happier than seeing his beautiful girlfriend pushing through the doors of the venue.  

Once the boys had gone to home, Jungkook had taken you up to his room to finish off the evening with birthday sex.  

Predictable? Maybe.

Did either of you care? Absolutely not.  

It had been 3 months since the two of you had seen each other and he was nothing short of desperate for your touch.  

Now however, he’s experiencing a different kind of bliss as the smell of bacon begins to waft in through his cracked bedroom door.  

His smile broadens as he realizes very quickly that the same beautiful woman who had made his birthday so special had woken up early to make him breakfast.  

He cannot begin to imagine how lucky he is but, he plans on using his day off to show you how much he appreciates you.  

In a million different ways...

Running a hand through the raven locks on his head, he pushes himself to a sitting position. Upon doing so, he notices the faint red marks over the valleys and curves of his stomach whilst simultaneously feeling a hint of pain across the middle of his back. He smirks to himself and curiously runs the tips of his fingers over the aggravated flesh of his stomach.  

What a night...

He finally stands up, moving his body in every necessary direction to stretch out the soreness in his muscles before taking note of his current attire.  

Given the events of last night, it surprised him that he had even managed to pull on the pair of white boxer-briefs that currently adorned his figure. He assumed he had fallen asleep naked.  

Jungkook experiences a pivotal moment then, completely on his own.  

He realizes that he doesn’t want to put anything else on.  

To some people, this wouldn’t be a big deal but to Jungkook, its everything.  

When he first travelled to Seoul, he was too shy to remove his shirt in front of his hyungs, let a lone strut around the dorm in his boxers.  

But with you, he’s finally starting to realize that not only is he comfortable with you but, he has a massive desire to express that to you.  

He wants you to have parts of him that no one else has.  

He wants you to know that you’re the only one who gets him this way.  

Without the fancy clothes, the layers of makeup, the band aids on his tattoos, the carefully scripted words and persona...

That you alone have all of him.  

He chuckles to himself, running a hand through his hair once again as he picks on himself for making such a big deal out of something so small.

But he knows that you’d get it and that quickly squashes any of his desire to make fun of himself.  

As he approaches his bedroom door, he feels the ghost of nerves directly in the pit of his stomach.  

Why was he nervous? You’ve literally seen him naked before.

He’s been inside of you more times than he can count so why was he overthinking going out to greet his girlfriend in his boxers?

He rolls his eyes at himself, “Because you’re weird, that’s why...” He mutters to himself before finally pushing open the door.  

His kitchen is off to the left, slightly tucked behind a bit of wall and he is annoyed with the layout of his apartment because he is getting in the way of immediately seeing your pretty face.  

When he does see you however, it’s entirely worth the wait.  

You’ve got a portable speaker set up a safe distance away from your work station emitting a bit of soothing music throughout the kitchen along with a pot of fresh coffee on the island with his favorite Iron Man mug sitting right next to it, awaiting his arrival. There’s a few pans on the stovetop sizzling with various breakfast items that Jungkook doesn’t care to notice at first because his eyes are far too concerned with you.  

And boy does he desperately wish that this was his daily life...

Your wear minimal clothing as well but there are fuzzy socks on your feet and a bit of bedhead adorning your crown and that’s really all that he needs to see to conclude that you are the most fantastic thing to ever grace the planet.  

“G’morning...” He nearly mumbles, placing a hand on the counter.

He ensures his voice is soft enough not to startle you and thankfully his presence emits nothing more but a smile from your lips.

You turn towards him with the same smile, eyes raking over his body shamelessly before returning his greeting, “Good morning birthday boy. Did you sleep ok?”

He chuckles lightly, his head cocking to the side in confusion, “My birthday was...yesterday yeah?”

Your smile grows at his question as you make your way over to the sleepy man before you.

“It was.” You concede and as you near his figure, you slide your hands around his waist, “But I wasn’t with you the whole day so, I’m trying to make up for lost time.”

Immediately, he grins boyishly his capable hands sliding up your body to pull you flush against his.

“But you already gave me so many presents...” He insists, leaning towards your lips, “Remember last night?”

You take a moment to admire how good his English has gotten and silently applaud him for managing to lead such an incredibly busy life and learn a second language all at the same time. You try your best not to vocalize your praise to often though because you know how shy it makes him.  

Before you can answer, he presses his lips to yours, humming gently in his throat and promptly smiling into your mouth.  

As you indulge in him for a moment your fingers gently brush the tan skin across his back. Your touch sends a shiver up your boyfriends back which then gives you no choice but to return the smile present in your kiss.

“Duh...” You murmur which prompts a delighted chuckle to escape his mouth, “How could I forget? You were like superman last night with all that stamina...”

Your observation causes your boyfriend to frown playfully as he points to the mug sitting atop the counter.

“Not superman- Iron Man.” He insists, still holding you close, the warmth of his presence infecting you.  

With a snort, you pull back slightly to catch the glint in his eyes, “I don’t know how me comparing you to Ironman would make much sense babe but, if you want to be Iron Man then how am I to deny you?”

Jungkook smirks, already satisfied with his response before he’s even uttered it.

“I’m like Iron Man because he is a machine...” He wiggles his brows at you, “...and so am I.”

After the look of incredulity that crosses your face, you have no choice but to laugh, leaning slightly away from him to indicate that you have to head back to your breakfast before it burns.

“Alright fair enough-” You concede, still giggling a bit as his grip tightens on your body, his own beautiful smile still present on his mouth, “I gotta finish cooking, or else we’re gonna have burnt bacon for breakfast.”

He shrugs, unimpressed as he uses his inhuman strength to hug you tighter,  “Bacon is bacon.”

This prompts more laughter as he reluctantly walks to the stove with you, your body still encased in his grip.

“I can’t cook with your mega muscles constricting my arms-” You point out, craning your neck slightly to try and meet his gaze, a ghost of a smile on your lips, which is still locked onto a mixture of mischief and joy.

With a furrowed brow he leans in slowly before pecking your lips quickly and finally releasing you, “What is constricting?”

His question is asked from near the coffee pot, his hands gingerly moving his mug closer to him.

He is VERY careful with this particular mug.

“Constricting is like when you squeeze something really really tight-” You explain softly, taking the now well-done strips of bacon out of the pan before laying them on some paper towels.

He’s pouring himself a cup of coffee, his eyes narrowed in focus as he nods, “Ohhh ok- you mean like how snakes do?”

“Yeah exactly!” You smile brightly, turning towards him with encouragement on your face, “that’s why we call certain kinds of snakes constrictors because that’s how they kill their pray. Honestly, it wasn’t the best word choice on my part because, people definitely use the word squeeze more but-”

He shakes his head then, his eyes still focusing on preparing his cup of coffee, “It doesn’t matter- you taught me another new word without even trying to.” He assures you before a cocky smirk comes across his face, “I bet I know more words than Namjoon-hyung now...”

His comment makes you laugh as his competitiveness is something you adore despite the fact that you don’t fully understand it.

“Oh for sure, you probably know more words than I do honestly, with how often you practice.”  

Jungkook smiles broadens at your praise, his eyes finally flitting up towards you, “Probably.”

He laughs along with you now, the sound of your giggling sending warmth into his heart as he brings the mug to his lips.

“You’re a brat.” You point out simply, still smiling because you literally do nothing else with this kid as you begin to fry up the last batch of bacon.

Suddenly, you feel his presence behind you, his strong arms wrapping around your waist whilst his nose burrows playfully into your neck, “Noooo an angel.”

Snorting again, you pretend his lips near such a sensitive area doesn’t affect you as you continue with your current task, “An angel? What on Earth would make you think that?”

Your teasing prompts a bout of snickering to leave his lips as he hugs you tighter to him, the soft scent of his hair sending a wave of comfort through you.

“You call me a good boy all the time...”

Although his comment is meant to be innocent, the way he intentionally lowers his tone causes your thighs to press together.

“I do,” You admit, trying to keep it together as you crack a few eggs into an awaiting pan, “I don’t know if that makes you an angel though.”

Jungkook senses the change in your voice and rather then shy away from the direction the conversation is heading, he decides to go with it.  

“That’s true-” He murmurs and it’s then you can feel the smirk against the curve of your neck, “Especially since you only call me that when I’m making you cum huh?”

This causes your eyes to grow wide and given that your flirtatious boyfriend is staring at you already, there is no way for you to hide it.

So instead you play along, enjoying this new side of him more than you care to admit.

“Exactly.” You mutter, giggling to yourself as you feel a bit of heat on your cheeks, “Go set the table or something- you're going to make me burn the kitchen down.”

With a cheeky giggle, he seems satisfied with his mission to fluster you, placing a kiss to your cheek and rushing off to do as you’ve asked him to.

Breakfast passes without any more of Jungkook’s reckless behavior and you’re thankful for it because, you sincerely doubt that you’d be able to focus on your plate when you have a foul-mouthed buffet sitting across from you.

Jungkook insists on helping you clean up whilst also reminding you once again that his birthday was yesterday and that he doesn’t want any more special treatment.

All he wants is to be with you today.

You honor his request by sitting up a massive mountain of pillows and blankets in his living room and situating yourselves in front of his flat screen.

With the curtains closed and the scent of Jungkook’s sea breeze candle wafting throughout the room, the two of you begin watching a movie together.  

However, halfway through the movie, the plans begin to morph into something else entirely.

Armed with newly found confidence, your boyfriend begins kissing you, his hands making their way towards your hips.

The pace of your breathing picks up rather quickly when he suckles your bottom lip between his teeth, nibbling against the swollen flesh.

“For my birthday- next year...” He whispers into your mouth, eyes fluttering open as he nudges your nose, “I want to kiss you all day.”

His request causes you to smile, your hands slowly sliding up his neck to tuck into the hair at the back of his head, “Whatever you want.”

Your response causes his eyes to sparkle with mischief once more, delighted at how willing you are to give him whatever he wants, “Oh- it’s whatever I want hm? Just like that?”

The way he’s speaking to you makes you a little light headed and rather than try to reign back his bout of authority, you decide to run with it, “Just like that.”

Your response is spoken into his mouth, the kiss between you breaking so he can maneuver you onto your back. For a moment, he braces his hands on either side of your head, his perfect body hovering over you, with only the long strands of his hair and the thin silver chains around his neck reaching for you.  

“What if-” He grins before grinding his hips against you, the swollen bit of his boxers rubbing against your clothed core, “I wanted to be in here all day? Would you let me?”

Through the waves of pleasure, your eyes squeeze shut for a moment before you nod, your fingers beginning to wander up the outsides of his forearms.

“Whatever you want...”

His grin is stable but the pace of his breathing is quickening, indicating his excitement.

He wants more out of this conversation though and decides to press you further.  

“Would you let me put my face down there all day too? You wouldn’t have to cook for me if you did...” He points out before his grin morphs into a smirk as he leans down towards your lips, “I’d get full off your pussy wouldn’t I?”

The switch in languages also indicates his level of arousal as his mentioned before that English is far more difficult when he’s wrapped up in his emotions or in this case, his desires.  

Using your nails, you lightly tickle your way up to shoulders tugging playfully to see if he’ll come to lay down on you fully but he doesn’t budge. He merely chuckles and grinds against you once again.

“Patience...” He parrots a phrase that you often utter to him when roles are reversed in the bedroom and the glimmer in his eyes informs you that he is eating up your reaction to him.

“But I want you...” You whine to him, hoping his thing for hearing you speak his language will be enough to break his resolve but he isn’t ready to give in just yet.

“That’s too bad jagiya, I’m not finish planning my birthday just yet.” Jungkook whines mockingly in return, the innocent curls framing his face contradicting his salacious demeanor, “I want to know how many marks you’d leave on me- maybeeeeee...” He draws out the word as his teeth tuck into his bottom lip, “25? One for every year of my birthday?”

Since attempting to tug him down didn’t work out, you decide to wrap your legs around his waist to further some sort of contact between you two.  

“Twenty five? Your stylists would kill me...” You point out giggling, pushing your now damp panties against the swell of his length beneath his boxers.  

Rather cockily, Jungkook snorts and leans down once again to brush his lips over yours, “I don’t give a fuck what the noonas say, they know how to cover me up and, even if they can’t- people are just gonna have to deal with it.” Another smirk forms on his mouth before he sucks your bottom lip between his teeth, “it would be really hard for them if they fired me don’t you think?”

You gotta admit, his new found attitude is turning you on. It’s not like Jungkook to be so cocky, despite the way some people may think and although you know for a fact that he’s putting it on for you, you have no problem sucking it up anyway.  

“Definitely. BigHit would have hell to pay...” You concede, your words slightly muffled due to the current location of your bottom lip. Once more your hands tangle their way into his hair and you take advantage of this position to kiss him, hoping that will be enough to convince him to drop the teasing.  

He kisses you back with enthusiasm, his lower body relaxing slightly as more and more of him presses against you.  

“You’re wet.”  He whispers, his eyes still closed whilst he continues to peck at your bottom lip, “Are you ready for my dick now?”  

With his inquiry, he grinds against you once more, sending a shiver of pleasure up your spine.  Your surprised that he spoke the second sentence in English as he usually would have switched fully to Korean at this point.  

“Namjoon’s really been rubbing off on you lately...”  

This insignificant comment lights a fire in Jungkook’s chest and prompts him to quickly pin your wrists above your head. His features hold a bit of disapproval but, mostly they hold that competitive look that is so uniquely Jungkook.  

That “I’m going to win just to show you how good I am” kind of look.

“Why does everyone assume that Namjoon is the most perverted huh? Just cause he talks about it the most? He writes a few dirty lyrics and talks about porn and suddenly he’s the only one who wants to fuck? Jagiya- do you want to know why I look so distracted all the time?” He giggles in an almost maniacal fashion, a dark smirk prominent on his lips as he cocks his head, “It’s because I’m usually thinking about fucking you. Everyone always thinks I’m so shy- so innocent, but you’d let them know huh jagi?  You’d let them know how fucking dirty I am wouldn’t you? I don’t think ARMY could handle it if they knew the truth...” Jungkook offers that same type of laughter once again before kissing you once more, “Now answer my question- are you ready for my dick now?”

His words and behavior stun you a little bit but mostly it just sends more arousal to your core and ruins your odds of putting these pair of panties back on when the two of you are done.  

“Yes sir...” You giggle, saluting him playfully as you wrap your legs around his waist again, “I’m so ready for you- please? Can I have it?”  

Your pleas work immediately on your boyfriend, who is already struggling with his level of arousal and before you know it, he is fucking both you of you into orgasmic bliss.  

It’s over too quickly but it’s the kind of fuck that you know it going to prompt a round two.

Or maybe even a round three or four if you’re lucky...

Jungkook’s head is on your chest now, his arms hugging you tightly to his body, his post-orgasmic glow riding him of any of his previously cocky attitude.  

“I like this.” He murmurs, licking his chapped lips and nuzzling between your breasts.

You smile fondly down at him, “Cuddling?”

He shakes his head, his eyes beginning to flutter shut, “Not just cuddling- but you, being here, at my house with me.”

With a kiss to his forehead, you use your free hand to brush his hair from his eyes, “I like being here with you too.”

There is a bit of color that finds it’s way to Jungkook’s cheeks as he utters a suggestion, “You should stay here with me. I will move my stuff around for you...”

It’s such a simple notion and yet it nearly moves you to tears but before you’re able to breach the topic further, his eyes fully close as he relaxes his weight completely.  

Without clarity regarding whether or not he can hear you, you utter your response into his hair,

“Sounds good, roomie.”

[yyuuna]

perfect

—in which todoroki takes his sick s/o somewhere

pairing: s. todoroki x reader

genre: fluff

disclaimer: lowercase intended

a/n: sorry if im posting old oneshot drafts,, im sick and i cant rly focus on writing n stuff but i do have an idea for a new headcanon so hopefully next post will be that

Love...

It has so many context; so many stories told, so many beliefs spread, so many talk about it.

But only a few found it.

[I found a love for me.]

The sound of the knocking interrupted [name]'s thoughts. Her heartbeat arose when a dual-haired man entered her sight.

"Hey." he said, ambling down the narrow space towards her. Her smile graced the dull atmosphere in the room, even managing to slightly uplift the corner of his lips.

"Hey...Did you guys have fun tonight?" [name] asked.

"Yeah. Uraraka also wanted to know how are you. I said you're okay...Are you feeling well?" A soft hand—specifically his left side—settled atop her own as he sits down on the bed beside her, making the cushion on that spot dip from his presence.

"Yup," she confirmed. "Just a headache. But I'm fine, really."

"Are you sure? I can get us soba right now if you want."

"It's okay, I'm already full anyway."

They went utterly still while exchanging gazes; it was the type of silence that was purely comfortable. Both didn't doubt that they'd hear a feather fall. Shouto and [name] were simply enjoying each other's company.

[Oh darling, just dive right in and follow my lead.]

Frankly, it was broken the moment she felt a faint tug on her delicate hand.

"[name], I want to go somewhere with you tonight." She just stared at him, barely noticing how long she peered at him with her brows furrowed.

"Eh?" Normally, people don't take their significant other to a date at two in the morning right after announcing that their head aches.

"Sorry. Do you want me to rest with you here instead?"

"No no no, I was just surprised." A hearty chuckle came out of her. "You're usually already sleepy at this time, but it seems important so I'll come."

[Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet.]

Shouto took ahold of her wrists, gently helping her to get on her feet. Fragile and frail; her body wobbled for a bit. What was left of her cumulated strength gave her the balance she needed, however.

Letting her beauty captivate him once again, he internally praised his lover. Perhaps it was the red string of fate that weaved both of them together. Although he wasn't so sure about that. Something tells him that even if they're not destined together, he would've still been drawn to [name].

[Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me.]

White, loose dress covered her figure. Once she was fully upright, Shouto carefully pulled the tubes that covered her arms. His hand reached the paper bag that contained a change of clothes and a pair of shoes, and handed it to her. She gratefully accepted after saying a short thanks.

Well, back then, she used to daydream of the person who she'll shower with all her affection. Whispers of imagination satisfying her fantasies. It was her only desire after finding out how many years she has left to live.

Nine years have passed and never did [name] expect that she'd finally find him; pain from waiting suddenly vanished from her. Maybe even the very little chance of researchers developing a cure slipped out of her mind too.

['Cause we were just kids when we fell in love.]

The day she entered U.A. was memorable, of course. Since that's the start of their journey. A quest that they knew would end too soon, but accepted nonetheless.

[Not knowing what it was. I will not give you up this time.]

They stride down the hallways to the exit, not letting the chattering disturb their own peaceful minds. And after they arrived at their destination, [name] stepped out of the car.

Oaks laid below her feet, their hue complimenting the pavement. Grass dangled in one direction as well as her [h/c] tresses.

Splendor sky had stars scattered all over it, leaning down to the grounds of the earth. The glistening of her eyes forestalled his anticipation. As she stared up above, the vague scent of fire entered aloft her nostrils. At the corner of her eyes, she could see the crackling of the flames.

The heterochromatic eyed lad glanced at the spaces between her fingers and interlocked his hand with hers, guiding her further into the garden.

"It's so pretty here, Shouto."

"I know." Though his eyes never left her. It annoyed him a little because it wasn't him who she was staring at. Eventually, his ego got the best of him as his fingers tilted her chin to face him.

Closer and closer...

Those frail lips of hers that lacks warmth brushed his own. He would've noticed the frigidity instantly if it wasn't for the heated flush that seeped onto his cheeks.

[But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own.]

Unblinking eyes met as they slowly pulled apart. The after effects invited them to do it once again, but it was declined when he circled his arms around her petite waist, while she contrarily wrapped both arms around his shoulder—leaving them embracing one another close by, afraid of letting go. Moving their feet sedately in chorus, silently wishing that one can live an eternity.

[And in your eyes, you're holding mine. Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms.]

Fingers splayed on his back. [name]'s humming causing a gentle vibration to form where they connect. He soaked in the soft melodies, savoring each note, for they seem to speak to him too.

[Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song.]

A full minute passes before she shuffled away from him.

"Sorry, I don't exactly look presentable right now."

[When you said you looked a mess,]

For a moment, she thought Shouto disregarded it, not until he murmured something.

[I whispered underneath my breath.]

Everything about [name] seems to elate. And that realization of what good relishing the years she has left brings hit her.

[But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight.]

tags; @mayukhii @innersooya

[tigerdrop]

in lieu of doing more strenuous hand-based activities heres the Dogboy Gordon In Heat Megamix ive been talking about. i wrote this over the course of a couple months in an effort to feel okay about writing horny shit again and i only just realized there are nearly 6 thousand words here. and they only really fuck for like 10% of that

ta-dah

ive thought a lot about gordon being stuck back at gordonhouse after getting kicked out of barneyhouse. i think its ripe for a lot of pining. (and yes, he is pining over the guy hes actively banging. hes being a big mopey idiot over the fact that he doesnt get to have his fuckbuddy around 24/7.) absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever and gordons already at a baseline of "wheres benrey. wheres benrey"......and now i am about to turn it up to 11

so lets say......gordons starting to feel weirdly under the weather. sweaty and irritable and tired. hes holing himself up in his room a lot, wrapping himself up in blankets to fight off a chill and a sniffliness that wont go away. and hes gettin awfully moody, too. real fuckin testy. starting shit with freemind for no reason and snapping at og gordon like hes a teenager. and......hes nesting, almost, or at least, gathering up a whole bunch of blankets and pillows and anything that smells vaguely like benrey. (hes not really aware hes doing this last thing.)

basically, long story short, feetman is fucked up. hes pathetic. hes being a huge bitch. at least og gordon feels vaguely sorry for him, and expresses this by way of observing him and trying to treat it. for science. its better than freemind, who just loudly complains about him being a huge bitch and reeking up the place. theres something weird coming from vr gordons corner of the house.....a musky, heady, hormonal kind of thing that makes freemind act simultaneously territorial and irritable and more lascivious than normal. and that also piques og gordons attention, because having both of them be wound up little freaks at the same time is enough to make even the most resilient person pull their hair out

now gordon primes got his suspicions as to whats going on, but hes not gonna tell vr gordon that he suspects hes going into heat. that would compromise the experiment, and all that. so poor gordons just going thru all this shit not knowing what in the fuck is wrong with him and getting more worked up and irritable about it by the day. hes convinced that hes just got the flu, or something......except, uh, haha, jesus christ he is horny all the FUCKING TIME

he doesnt get it! he feels like shit all the time, so why is he constantly fighting off boners and having weird wet dreams and thinking about-- well. his fucking boyfriend, he guesses. (are they boyfriends?? he doesnt know. he gets a weird, sharp pang when he thinks about them not being boyfriends, at this point, but its not like theyve ever talked about it!) gordons half-convinced that hes just losing his mind from being stuck inside all the time and he really just wants to see benrey again. its, like, all he thinks about. (see? hes losing it. theres the proof.)

the sucks thing for everybody else is that gordon is also Extremely Vocal about how shitty he feels and how much he wishes he didnt feel shitty so he could go see benrey and how much he cant stand benrey for not being able to read his mind and come over when he feels bad. eventually freemind gets so sick of his shit that he decides to cut out the middleman and get benrey involved directly. "come take care of your fucking dog before i call the aspca! animal neglect is a crime, asshole!"

(if pressed, freemind would adamantly reject the idea that hes being nice to gordon. but on some level, hes kinda sympathetic. the guys clearly miserable, and he just keeps asking for the same fucking thing. might as well humor him to shut him up.)

vr gordon is completely unaware of these machinations, however. hes just holed up in his room trying to work out what makes him feel better because, uhh, powerade isnt helping

jacking off doesnt do a whole lot for him anymore. like, it feels good, but its not very satisfying. gordon just ends up feeling more restless than anything afterward. and hes always stupid horny. more blankets. a box fan. less blankets. sleeping with one of benreys shirts pressed up to his face. grinding into his pillow when he wakes up hard from yet another weird dream. theyre all a little helpful, and he feels like hes working towards the right thing, somehow, but its never really enough to take the edge off

and then.....he tries......jerking off more. especially when he realizes that its bizarrely soothing to do so while he can smell benrey up close and personal on that stupid shirt of his. better still when he rolls onto his side.....and then his stomach.......rocking his hips into the mattress until he gets the idea to lift his hips a little. and......oh. cool. something kind of......clicks. in his head. as he raises his hips higher while he keeps his arms wrapped around a pillow and benreys shirt jammed against his nose. hes got that lil moment of realization that this is good, actually. this feels like a good move. and its making some of that discomfort melt away

and gordon thinks about.....how it felt. earlier. when they were with barmey. and benrey had him just like this, ass up, face down, and was spreading him apart and licking him open and making him submit and he groans so fucking hard that embarassment just rips through him like lightning. but his tail starting to wag a little faster.....electricity shooting through his belly......and he cant help but wonder. what if benrey had kept going? pulled back and-- maybe, replaced his tongue with his fingers, one at a time, curling them inside him and telling him how well hes behaving and-- and his dick throbs, hard, and gordon realizes he wants fingers inside of himself right fucking now, thank you, hes not fully certain how to accomplish it be he is going to fucking try

(sigh) so my guy figures out about the old fingers in the ass trick. and i need you to understand that i am fully convinced that this is one of those guys who has an uproarious reaction to getting fingers in his ass. mr repressed and uptight over here doesnt really get what the big deal is until he gets braver and pushes a little deeper and hes rock hard in an instant, goodbye, just like everybodys favorite creative writing exercise

and this is what he decides to do for a solid day or two without leaving his room, because, honestly, this is awesome. and the longer he spends jerking off the less time he spends stressing about the fact that his imaginations getting really vivid, here. sure, like, hes no stranger to weird dreams even before this, but this is the first time hes really letting his mind run wild and this dude is nonstop thinking about being bred and gordon still has no fucking idea that hes in heat. doesnt even occur to him

unfortunately this also does not solve his problems but at least it feels baller and it keeps him occupied. also, unfortunately, the increased rate of jerking off is causing a serious uptick in Dog Smells, the effect of which is turning freemind into a nightmare. its just not good vibes in this house. enter: benrey

now i need you to understand that when these two meet up again i want gordon to get Emotional. think about how genuinely excited he gets to see some of his pals in canon. the like......excitement and disbelief when benrey shows up outside his window throwing rocks at it before noclipping in. he forgets to even act pissed off at first. i think it would be super fucking cute for him to drop the game for a moment just out of shock, basically. his tails waggin, his ears are perked up, and hed probably tackle benrey to the ground if he wasnt also a sweaty, trembling mess whos been holed up in his room for days.

and benrey has No Fucking Idea what he has walked in on here. as far as benrey knows, freemind just demanded he get over there and take care of his dog.

(INTERLUDE: here is the part where i gin up a freemind POV of this exact scene. b/c i am out of my fucking mind

so. i had the thought of a freemind POV chapter where hes spying on gordon and benrey.....because. gordons in heat. ive talked about that scenario before too (literally so many FUCKING times okay i just need this dude to have the uncontrollable urge to be bred like a little bitch! and for benrey to take pity on him and make him feel better by nutting in him literally as many times as is physically possible!!!)

but i wanna manifest it in this specific way: from an outside perspective. voyeurism is great and also i have a one track mind and basically the only time i traffic in Other Guys in this fandom anymore is as a participant in gordon and benreys horse shit. Im not apologizing for this

lets say.....vr gordons behavior has been getting worse and worse for "unknown reasons" and freeman prime just sees it as a key observational opportunity for his research. while freeminds getting really irritated at how much its cutting into his normal way of life. for one thing, vr gordons room reeks, and he cant even escape it in his own room! and its turning him into a feisty, aggressive, and loud son of a bitch. but he cant even resolve it in his usual fashion at this point (baiting vr gordon into another competition/fuckfest) b/c gordons being a little sadsack holed up in his room and doesnt wanna play

but also.....he kinda just feels bad for the guy at a certain point. hes clearly really miserable and looks downright ill and all hes asking for is to see his boytoy again. (gordons convinced that hes dying, and feels the need to dramatically speak to benrey one last time before he croaks.) so freemind decides, in all his benevolence, to go over gordon primes head and drag the guy over there anyway. (with machinations, not his literal bare hands. what is he, a caveman?) he reasons that itll be a good opportunity to twist gordons arm into groveling at his feet later

and he spies on the two of them in gordons room.....why? idk. possibly something to do with investigating this relationship between a gordon and a barney that he had yet to fully analyze. tl;dr he gets trapped in their closet for a remix of that one barmey voyeurism chapter b/c why the fuck not

i just.....i dont know.....i think theres something really charming about a 3rd party not being able to fully make out what theyre saying or doing but piecing things together anyway.....like benreys weirdly soft tone of voice when hes talking to a super agitated gordon. as far as any of them know, hes not really like that. he either sounds bored or smug, but either way, its usually straight-up antagonistic

it would make freemind bristle to hear it b/c its almost a mocking tone, but.....it makes gordons shoulders drop and gets him to let go of some of that tension and thats probably fascinating to watch. literally soothing him like a stressed out dog, huh. smoothing back his hair and murmuring things in a low, even tone that freeminds enhanced hearing still isnt good enough to make out. (the guy mumbles, okay? he needs a fucking toastmasters meetup.)

it would equal parts horrify and fascinate freemind, in my onion. watching a version of himself fall that hard into the loyal pet role.....its pathetic! for all that gordon goes on about not being a slave to his instinct or whatever, he sure is doing a bad job of acting like it! its like watching himself, but worse.

and benreys having to soothe him like a startled animal b/c he doesnt even know whats wrong with himself, but theres something thick enough on the air that even benrey can smell it, and hes taking some stabs at the dark. especially with how charged some of the shit gordons saying is......"i cant fucking take it anymore", "you smell so good", "i dont know whats wrong with me, man, my dick hasnt gone down for days and im pretty sure i need a doctor-- no, a real one, not the other gor-- NOT a vet, JESUS"

and the whole time.....freeminds peeking from behind a closet door. watching them devolve from outright hostility into "gordon climbing into benreys lap and shoving one of benreys hands up his shirt and demanding that he fucking touch him already"

normally i dont think freemind would be averse to a little bit of voyeurism, here. if it was anybody else, hed probably at least engage in a little heavy petting. but this is getting weird, man. he cant shake the uncanny feeling that this is something too intimate for him to be watching. for one thing, gordons whimpering like a goddamn dog just from a little necking, and for two, hes never really been the kind of guy to watch people make out for 15 minutes before they get to the good stuff

its just kind of unsettling how much these two clearly really, really like each other at this point. its not like watching gordon prime give vr gordon a handjob as part of a "test". freemind expected more of a hatefuck kind of deal out of these two, what with how often gordons normally going on about how much he hates the guy, what a pain in the ass benrey is, how he just wishes benrey would stop jerking him around.....etc. freemind could shit himself right now. that lying bitch!

i imagine its also kind of painful, on a personal level, for him to watch this borderline-sappy shit. he cant even fathom being on the receiving end of that behavior, let alone from......well. theyve all got their barneys, right? and gordon primes basically doomed himself to incel status b/c he wont nut up and do anything about it. freemind just assumed they were all in the same boat: cursed to casual sex with their roommates/clones, forever, and unable to achieve any kind of intimacy b/c all 3 gordons are fucked up in the exact same way. since theyre all just diff flavors of the same fucking guy, right?

well, theres the evidence that hes wrong. and that vr gordons better than him, somehow. thats gotta suck, bro

anyway then he watches vr gordon get railed in the ass a bunch and jerks off anyway b/c its still hot. see ya)

“take care of your dog”. huh. hes got no clue what that means but, yknow, he does kinda miss his dog. hasnt seen gordon in awhile. and he immediately comments "wow. you look fucked up" in as blunt and unsympathetic a way as possible. but gordons so far gone that he cant even work up a good anger about it. he is pretty fucked up, man. and benrey sits on the bed and slaps his forehead with a palm to take his temperature (and that gets gordon to bitch at him, finally, that thats not how you do it, asshole) and judges that, uh, he is hot. in his expert opinion

and thats when gordon kinda grabs his sleeve and tugs it and starts tryin to say something. hes really bad at it, because he is having to perform the mortifying task of Owning Up To It, but eventually he manages to grind out that he needs benrey to touch him, please. just pet him. something. he feels really bad and he just needs benrey to scratch his fucking ears. this is the most gordon can cop to in one go, and it is such a sad struggle to watch, but benreys caught off guard by it and he feels weirdly bad for gordon upon hearing it so  hes just like "whoa, okay" when gordon tugs his hand to his head

gordon groans the moment his fingernails start scratching behind the ears and digging into his scalp. even just that much feels really fucking good. its comforting, for one thing, and its benrey, for another, and the physical touch feels so fucking good right now that goosebumps are crawling down his neck. gordon cant help but lean against benrey and bury his head in the crook of his shoulder. he wants to hide his face from scrutiny and he wants to get closer but he doesnt know how to say what his fucking problem is

and benreys weirdly quiet. just kinda mumbling and shushing him intermittently, awkward and not sure what to do b/c this is a level of intimacy he was not expecting but gordons sure is responding nicely to a second hand in his hair

so having both of benreys hands scratching at his scalp is really getting to gordon. hes scritchin behind the ears and gordons tails wagging at a mile a minute. the feelings making goosebumps race down his neck and arms. he starts kind of mumbling something into benreys shoulder, how hes been feeling so fucked up lately, and he squirms a little closer. hes not really aiming for anywhere in particular but every neuron thats firing in him right now is telling him to get closer. make contact. he missed the fucking guy, what can he say.

and one of benreys hands......slips down to gordons face. his jaw. a thumb pushing into that soft little divot between his jaw and neck, like hes trying to push up into gordons fucking teeth. its weird and bizarrely intrusive, but benreys hand is broad and warm and gordon leans into it anyway, groaning with relief. its not like its not doing anything for him. kind of the opposite, actually. then he palms at gordons neck, and gordon starts breathing harder. he can feel his heartbeat rabbit-fast, pushing against benreys skin (and theres no way benrey isnt feeling that, too).

benrey eyes are lidded and his breaths starting to get heavier, too. naturally, yknow, since gordons practically draped over him right now, melting all the more the longer benrey keeps petting him. oxytocin is crazy, man, especially when a guys in the full throes of some kind of chemical meltdown of the glands. gordons eyes are screwed shut, tail thumping furiously against the bed, and hes panting at benreys neck like hes a fucking dog.  he just doesnt know how to articulate what the fuck his problem is

benrey smells insanely good to him right now, and gordon just blurts that out. benrey gives him some shit for it, but when gordon only makes a weird noise in response and fists his hands in benreys hoodie, it makes him shut up real quick. hes squeezing out words about feeling like he needs something, but its clearly a fucking effort. its almost pitiful

so. gordons crawled right into benreys lap, too impatient after days and days of feeling like this (you know, being in heat, in so many words). hes been pounding off like crazy, that brand new collar of his strapped to his neck nearly every time b/c hes that desperate to feel… well. *benrey*. he cant fucking jerk off to thoughts of anything else - porn doesnt do it for him, and his fantasies slip right back to the same thing every single time. its frustrating! hes bisexual, for gods sake! its not like hes normally immune to the wiles of the Phat Ass White Girl, but lately he just keeps ending up on his hands and knees and whining benreys name into his pillow and he couldnt focus on a girls rack if he tried

point being. hes being awfully fucking demanding. (and also, hes wearing the collar *right fucking now)*. he shoves benreys hand up his shirt and shivers the moment he makes contact with gordons burning-hot flesh. and hes demanding that benrey touch him already, jesus, hes losing his mind! and benreys just crooning at him, “bossy, huh,” but hes scritching gordons ears and palming at his side and nosing at gordons neck and gordon starts to feel like hes melting into it. his protests at being talked down to are perfunctory at best

benrey licks a stripe up gordons neck and starts muttering his stupid horseshit right in gordons ear and it makes gordon clutch his shoulders so tight, claws digging into the meat of him. benreys kind of into it, though, and it just makes him laugh, low and harsh and right in gordons ear. that just makes gordons problem worse. he lets out quiet, nasal whines on every exhale, like a literal fucking dog.

he starts teasing, like, “haha, you’re *gagging* for it, bro,” but gordon doesnt respond with the defensiveness he expects. instead, its like opening a floodgate - he is, hes fucking *desperate*, okay, his dick hasnt gone down in days and he wants benrey so bad he cant see straight and he cant stop thinking about him and all of this comes tumbling out of him at once. gordons trying to press himself as close to benrey as he can physically get, legs straddling benreys lap and arms clutched tight around his back. and when benrey prods a little more, tells gordon to say what hes been thinkin about, gordon starts to pant, squeezing his eyes shut. but he cant bring himself to do anything more than choke and stutter on the words

hes half-hard in his underwear already (and, lets be be clear, he was only in boxer briefs and a tank top to begin with. hes sweating buckets and its the least amount of clothing he could get away with wearing around the house) and his tails thumping a mile a minute and hes so far gone, just from benrey talking down to him and kissing his neck and scratching his ears. but hes not budging yet, so benrey slides that hand on his ears over to his ponytail and *yanks*. tells him, “speak.” gordons dick twitches rapidly, and he lets out a sharp sound, and he finally says it: he needs benrey to *fuck* him, jesus

benrey lets out a harsh breath at that. “yeah? thats what puppy wants?” and the nickname should blister him, make him feel to embarrassed to continue, but gordons too desperate to care. he just starts spewing a litany of “god yes”s and “please”s. hes getting harder and harder, pressed up against benreys belly, and benrey can *feel* it. “good boy,” he mutters, and those claws dig harder, that panting gets louder and harsher

he slips a hand around to gordons back, rubbing slowly for a moment as if to soothe him, and then slides it under the back of gordons boxers. and lower still. starts rubbing at gordons hole. that gets a quiet “oh god” out of gordon.

gordon cant help himself - he rocks forward against benrey, just a little, rubbing his bulge against what he realizes is benreys *extremely* hard dick in his sweatpants. hes not the only one whos got it bad. but he *is* the only one whispering, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as benrey pushes a little further, makes as if hes about to breach gordon dry. the poor guys so needy that he probably wouldnt even argue!

but benrey just stares at him, wide eyed and flushed, mouth hanging open a little. gordons so hot for this that it surprises the both of them.

anyway after some boring position finagling benrey coaxes gordon onto his hands and knees, running a broad hand down gordons shaking back. and he pulls back gordons tail, exposing him. its so fucking humiliating - gordons got his face buried in a pillow, and his ass in the air, and hes never felt so *vulnerable* before. he wants to argue, he wants to lift his head and look back to make sure that everythings, like, okay back there - benreys staring at his entire asshole, okay, and he wasnt exactly anticipating benrey making a house call to fuck him in the ass - but every time he lifts his head, or starts to say something neurotic about it, benrey chides him about it. clicks his tongue. tells him, “hey. dogs dont talk” or “i said *bow*, bro”.

for all his insisting that hes a real guy, that hes not just a dog, gordons feeling less and less like a human and more like something in thrall to his instincts. the condescension rankles like it always does, but doing what benrey tells him to feels good. feels natural. presenting himself like this feels like what hes *supposed* to do. it doesnt stop him from running his mouth entirely, but it helps to mitigate some of the embarrassment.

and then… benrey *licks*. gordon tenses and gasps. he doesnt know how benrey can stand it, its gotta be, like, unhygienic! but that didnt scare him off the last time they tried this, and its not like gordon hasnt thought about it since. hes thought about it a lot, actually. but hes been too neurotic to ask for it. benreys not stupid, though. hes a good dog owner (at least, so he thinks) and hes gonna take care of his dog. so he licks again, and again, pressing a little harder against gordons hole on each pass with the broad side of his tongue until he dares to breach it with the tip.

gordons rock hard again in an instant. his dick hangs between his legs and drips onto the sheets. he digs his fingers into the pillow now, tearing holes in its surface with those sharp nails of his, and he makes embarrassingly high noises that he muffles into into the pillow, too. hes tense, hes so fucking tense, he should be clamping down and making benreys task really fucking hard, but theres bright pink sweet voice dripping from his hole and benreys rubbing the side of his thigh in an effort to soothe him and both of these things work in tandem to get him to relax. and benrey works his tongue in further, further than a human ought to.

the tip was one thing, but it gets wider as benrey pushes it in, and its just as good as it was before - better, even, because now its just the two of them, just a master and his dog, and benreys the only one he wants to see him like this. bent over and whimpering. he cant— he cant stomach the thought of anybody else doing this to him. hell, there was a point once where the idea of stomaching *benrey* doing this to him would have made him laugh. but here he is. benreys fucking him open with his tongue and pressing against something thats making him see stars and gordon just wants *more*. he says it so sweet, too, voice growing hoarse and raw as he begs benrey to just fucking do it already, he doesnt wanna come like this!

gordon gets so worked up and emotional about it that benrey takes the time to scratch behind his ears again, shushing him and telling him to chill. benreys got him. hes been a good dog, and good dogs get treats. hearing the words “good dog” makes gordons entire body flush. thats all he wants, really. he wants to be a good dog. he wants to be *told*. he blurts out, “oh my god— say it again,” and benreys like, “huh? say what? youre gonna have to be more specific,” clicking the last syllable. it makes all the hairs on gordons head rise and prickle with shame. the best he can do is mumble it into his pillow.

benrey hears it, though, and tugs at gordons collar from behind, just enough to raise his head. “whassat? you want me to call you a good boy?” gordon cant bring himself to answer that directly, but his stupid body betrays him by making him whine. jesus christ, yes, thats all he WANTS! he needs benrey to be good and nice to him for once in his fucking life and give him what he wants instead of taking, taking, taking! but benrey just tells him that hes gonna have to earn it. gonna have to be *real* good for him. gordon could fucking snarl at that, but benreys pulling back to rub his dick between gordons cheeks and against his hole and that shuts him up pretty fast because hes *so close* to getting what he wants and hes not about to fuck it up now by running his big dumb mouth

and then… he starts to push in. that sweet voice has loosened gordon up enough to take even benrey, who, uh, is definitely the bigger of the two, in that regard. he goes slow, uncharacteristically so, and gordons chest heaves with the force of how hard hes breathing. a quiet string of “oh god”s spills out of him as he tries to crane his neck back to watch. the head breaches him with a strange popping sensation, and benrey groans, loud, as the rest of him slides in with little resistance in comparison. “good,” he pants in turn, “youre takin it so good,” and—

and gordon comes, in weak, aborted spurts. it snuck up on him. he clenches so fucking tightly that it winds benrey a little. he breathes out, “whoa. did you—” but gordon just begs him to shut up, keep going, hes not— hes not done yet, its always like this, its not *enough*. his dick barely even flags afterward, it just hangs there, achingly hard and dripping with cum. benrey cant even find it in himself to make fun of him. he wants it so fucking bad, doesnt he? and he feels so good, so fucking tight and slick around benrey that the only thought running through his head is “gotta take care of my dog gotta fuck my best friend gotta nut in him and make him howl”. so he pushes himself alllll the way in until theyre pressed together, skin to skin.

then he starts to move. slow, careful thrusts, more for benreys benefit than gordons. if hes not careful, hes gonna blow his load, right then and there, and hes trying to make it good for gordon, too, okay? unlike *some* of them, hes not gonna bust in two minutes and then spend the next half hour crying and trauma-dumping to the guy hes still got his dick inside of.

once he thinks hes got a grip, though, benrey starts fucking him in earnest, and that changes gordons vocalizations from weak little whimpers into something louder. less restrained. hes given up any pretense of being quiet so that his other selves dont hear that hes snuck his boytoy into his room. just loud, wordless moans on each thrust, initially muffled into the pillow but soon spilling into the wider room when he turns his head to catch his breath. the only words hes managing are “oh god” and “please” and “benrey, benrey, *benrey*”, and benrey just responds to him like, “yeah? thats good? fuuuck, bro, so good for me,” all short of breath and barely able to speak himself

he wants to see gordons face. he *needs* to see gordons face. needs to see what hes doing to him, needs to see that cute fuckin blush of his. so he tugs on gordons collar again, bringing him to his hands and knees properly instead of that bowing position. and then further still - pulls him back so that benreys on his knees, and gordons on his knees in turn, on his lap, cock still buried inside of him and fucking him in short, hurried thrusts. “paws up,” benrey tells him, and gordon does it. instantly. no resistance. just folds them at his chest like a real dog would.

“whos a good boy?” benrey croons, right in his ear again. gordon gasps, “i-i am!”

“yeah? youre a good boy?” nod, wail. “whose— whose good boy are you?”

and gordon chokes on his response. he cant say it, he *cant*, he doesnt want to be benreys but he does, he *does*. he doesnt want to be benreys because its not fucking fair! he cares so fucking much! so much more than benrey does, it feels like, obsessing over the guy like hes wrapped thorny vines all around gordons heart and he cant so much as shift in his seat without feeling the tug and the ache and thinking of benrey again. and benrey doesnt care, he never fucking cares, except—

except he showed up at gordons house, in his room. without even being asked. like he knew something was wrong. and he— hes always talking to gordon, shooting him stupid texts just to make him laugh. scheduling *date nights* for them. date nights where, yeah, maybe they couldnt see each other in person, and maybe they always end in some kind of depraved sexual act, but its not like gordons not into it. hes frighteningly into it, actually. and hes *so* into hearing benreys voice, low and crooning, right in his ear, and seeing him lean on an elbow and smile at him afterward. its— its practically genuine. and benreys always making excuses to talk with him, do things with him, watch stupid fucking movies that only gordon cares about and stream with him on twitch to help boost his subscriber count and—

and—

oh god. maybe he *does* care. that might be more terrifying than the alternative.

then benrey yanks the collar again. presses the whole of gordons back against his front in one hot, unbroken line. and asks, “i said, whose good boy are you, bro? *speak.*”

“benrey,” he blurts out, a ragged moan, “d-dont make me sa-AY it, oh god—”

“no?” benrey stills suddenly. his hands keep gordon stuck in place, unable to move or bounce or feel benrey shift inside of him. “thats, uh… thats too bad, friend. this trains for good boys only. good dogs go to heaven 2. no bad dogs allowed. gonna have to, uhh, escort you off—”

“im not a bad dog!”

“i dunno, gordo. bein’ kind of, uh… disobedient.”

(sorry. thats all i got . byeeee)

[khrystalsnow]

ALL TIME FAVOURITE FICS

I wanted to make a list of my favourite fics (not sure if I’m missing any). There’s probably more that I would put here but they’re buried under my likes however, I may add more in the future. I hope you enjoy!

*PLEASE let me know if I did a mistake or put the wrong link!

LEGEND:

🥺Fluff

🤬Angst

😏Smut

😂Crack

FICS

Passion Fruit by @joonbird 🤬😏knj

-The very first fic that introduced me to tumblr fics (bts) which is just heaven sent. I remember reading this in awe because of the writing and the characters. Daddy namjoon showed oc a whole new world when he ate her out and I’m kind of jealous😔 I really love the plot and the character development for the oc and this was overall a good read!

Comfort Inn Ending by @joonbird  🤬😏jjk

-Another one of Amy’s work (top tier), that broke my heart into a million pieces. Honestly, I’ve read this series once, because of how good it is. Its sad, like I broke down a couple of times because of the two characters, kind of sad. That just shows you how amazing it is, that I can’t even reread it.

Hot Summer by @httphopewrld 🥺😏🤬 jjk

-I don’t know why but after I discovered this fic, I couldn’t stop thinking about this and the plot. Curtains are not really something we think about most at of the time but JK! Why couldn’t you just buy some curtains?! I mean I don’t blame the reader for peaking though. I’m really happy with the ending and how they talked it out like mature adults in the end.

Greedy by @xjoonchildx 🤬😏 myg

-A part of the Guarded Series which is just amazing! I picked Greedy because it’s currently ongoing and I really like yoongi’s perspective more than the other series. Yoongi’s a loner and people in his line of work, knows that. When he met oc, its like he finally found something that he can treasure on his own and completely different from the people around him. I just want them to be happy😭 I can’t wait for more chapters to come!

Hammer it Home by @gukslut 🥺😏🤬 knj

-I recently read this and fell in love with it really quickly! I’m pretty sure that everyone knows this fic and loves it just like me. I can’t really say anything more, except daddy joon is absolutely filthy, so read it.

Flower by @readyplayerhobi 🥺😏🤬 jhs

-God, this is such a good series. It deals with a lot of topics such as panic attack, body insecurity, anxiety, having children etc. (please look at the trigger warnings). We get to see the oc begin to date hoseok and see their relationship grow beautifully. Both of the characters are so different individually, but together, they look so beautiful:((

Boyfriend Material by @ladyartemesia 🥺😏😂 jjk

-The amount of times I’ve reread this is unreal. I want someone like jungkook in real lifee😭😭 I really love how its in bullet points to get the points across and easy to read. It also just seems so much more personal because it feels like we’re with them throughout the process of their relationship.

Of Fire and Love by @hollyhomburg 🥺😏🤬 myg

-When I first read part 1, I already fell in love with it. Dragon yoongi, namjoon and hoseok, sorcerer jin and jungkook, fairy jimin and human baby tae!!! I’ve reread this series multiple times and it just never gets old😌I love how everything connects and the smut is spicy✨

A Song Request by @n8dlesoupguk 🥺🤬 jjk

-THIS! IS! SO! CUTTTTTEE!!!! *PUNCHING THE AIR* ahhhhh the amount of time I smiled while reading this is unreal!! I love jungkook and I love this fic. I cant say anymore because of how cute it is! READ ITTTTTT!

Only For Love by @lysjeon  🥺🤬 jjk

-This has a special place in my heart because it was my first social media au. I LOVE the characters especially sarang 🥺its so well done and reread it all the time. Chae’s aus are really good 10/10 would recommend her whole entire masterlist

I Found  by @hxseok-honee 🥺🤬😂 myg

-Ahh!! binged this at 1am and I don’t regret it! It’s a hogwarts au featuring slytherin, brooding, meany, yoongi and hufflepuff reader that is friends with the whole squad. It really has everything that I love about hogwarts aus. The progression of their relationship was a whole roller coaster and at the end I was really happy for yoongi to be able to find his forever girl and be friends with crackheads. 

The Dinner Party by @lamourche 🥺🤬😏 myg

-Beautiful writing and the story is immaculate *chef’s kiss* I think about this fic once a month and reread it multiple times. I love it and hate it at the same time because I just want them together and figure their shit together, especially in the recent chapter. The circumstances and emotions are relatable that I just wanna hug both of the characters 😔

Rattled by @gukslut  🤬😏 jjk

-I’ve already recommended this before, meaning, this is really good. It follows jungkook as a single father with reader as his neighbor. Its angsty as fuck and will probably make you cry for jungkook because how much struggle he goes through with raising lovely areum by himself (respect for single parents!), but they figure it out in the end!

Seven Seas by @readyplayerhobi​ 🥺🤬😏 kth

-When I read Atlantis!Taehyung, I was sold. This fic pops up in my head once in a while and I love it every single time I read it again. OC is a smart bitch, and works hard to achieve whatever she desires. I love her relationship with taehyung sooo much, I could picture them together being oc’s parents: lovey dovey even when they’re old and supports one another😌

Intro: Her by @jamaisjoons  🥺🤬😏 knj

-God the amount of serotonin this gives me every time I read it is *chef’s kiss* maknae as namjoon’s kids is also a bonus! I really love family aus and this completely filled me with happiness. 

Chasing Butterflies by @ddaenggtan​ 😏🥺😂 jjk

-Pretty sure everyone already knows and loves this fic but I just had to put this here. It’s literally perfect! Oc pining for weeb jungkook is everyone because he’s cute as hell😔 the SECONDHAND EMBASSAMENT I felt when she confessed is too much😂😭 Please read it if you haven’t because IT’S SO GOOD

A Home Found In You by @lovmail​  🥺(wholesome) jjk

-Another single dad jungkook because I love it😔 This fic introduced me to rochelle’s account and binged all of her other fics (which are also great). This also pops up in my head at random times and I always give in to the urge of rereading it because its so good!

For Love and Money by @jimlingss​ 🥺🤬😏 ksj

-This shit was a whole roller coaster alright but I loved it! it’s a forced arranged marriage and when reading the first chapter, you will want to read more. I love both of the characters soo much and the progression is immaculate, so glad they got their shit together in the end😌

Brass and Strings @jimlingss​  🥺🤬😂 knj

-This was also another roller coaster of feelings and angst. It’s a little long but the pacing is really good. I LOVE the main characters so much!!! oc’s a badass, despite what she’s been through and I strive to be like her ngl😔 This made me cry on multiple occasions, just read this you won’t regret it.

Inside My Mind by @jimlingss​ 🥺😏 knj

-The amount of times I think about this on a monthly BASIS. It’s half fluff and smut which is the perfect combination for me😌 I love the concept of mind reading, but when people can hear nsfw thoughts though😳 honestly read it if you haven’t, IT’S SO GOOD 

The Deli Diaries by @jimlingss 🥺 pjm

-This shit was the CUTEST shit ever!! both characters are so cute (I’ve said that word so many times😭) and their interactions during work is so cute😭 At this point just read Kina’s whole masterlist

The Alpha by @ladyartemesia​ 🤬😏 pjm

SO GOOD, immaculate, well written, the plot 10/10. This fic is amazing!! I get so excited whenever I see that it’s updated. The world is so fascinating and detailed that you wanna learn more about it. The plot is so thrilling and the action parts got me so hooked! I can’t wait for more part to come!

A Court of Curses  by @readyplayerhobi​ 🥺🤬😏 jhs

UGGHHHH one of my favourite hobi fics ever!!! of course it’s a vampire and witch au. I love the main characters so much OK😭 they just wanna love each other and it physically hurt me when they were also hurting😭😭😭 but the ending is so satisfying, so I’m happy!

[funtarou]

Wishes || Kuroo x Reader

The Second Part of "Plans" || Kuroo x Reader" fic

Second part is here and I hope it's decent or maybe satisfying enough. Like wise, I'm rusty and still trying to regain my writing zone. Also I haven't throughly slowly proof-read this so-- Also also ya know, like wise, how I depict Kuroo has no guarantee that it's the actual Canon Kuroo, ya know. But I'm tryna get a bit close-

Story Warning: Angst, Comfort/hurt?, Human emotions are weird okay. There's one Sexual action but not described specifically. Still just incase, 13 year old below minors do not interact.

Writing Warning: Bad English grammar and possible spelling mistakes and wrong use of words. English is not my first language and I'm still tryna get back in writing groove.

Read part 1 here

Kuroo Tetsurou never expect such a dirty play from life. He though all of the dark side in life for him has already ran out the moment his mom stormed out of their house when he was a kid. He though it was already enough the moment he heard his own older sister said she doesn't want anything to do with him. He though it was satisfying enough for life to see him bid farewell to his friends back at his old neightbourhood. Maybe he's still naive to think that he won't be affected by any games life would play him after the things he need to went through in his early childhood. Even after it already forced him to think more maturely in a young age, and developed a sort of social anxiety in those younger days, there just seems to be more and more things life had planned for him.

But after witnessing a near-death experience, Your near death experience, he wish life would let him off the Hook. Because it was just too much.

It has been 96 hours since you were hit by the bastard with the car who drives away the next second. And despite already being treated, you still haven't wake up. The doctor said you'll be fine despite the injuries, but might experience headaches when waking up. But on the matter of when, it was still uncertain. For now it's best to let you rest, let your brain process the shock from the hit.

96 hours, and Kuroo still stays by your side. Only leaving on occasion to get some supplies he needs to stay at your hospital room. He hasn't attend his classes for the past four days yet, but has someone he's on good-terms with (and has the same classes as him) to give him notes and stuff that was taught at those classes. Kenma occasionally stopped by to give him food and check up on your condition too. A few of your friends and family also came for the same reason for the past four days.

Even though his heart ache and yearns for you to open your eyes, to know for sure that you'll be okay, he always tries to maintained a cold head. Despite the lingering fear that stays at the back of his head and the image of your frail body being hit and thrown to the side of the road, he put up a strong front. to himself and to the people around him. He has been focusing on his studies despite not present in classes, still maintaining a proper diet and sleep schedule. Acting normal, and trying to think everything is fine now that he knew you're treated and is going to be okay. He cant just go in deep depresso espresso mode now while you're unconcious. Because he knew you'd be upset if you wake up and found out he hasn't been taking care of himself. Another thing he always keep in mind is, that he cant let this bump in life ruined his plans. Not to mention he's nearing graduation if he Ace his essays and IP. He can get a job soon, a well-paid one if he works hard enough. Soon enough he can buy you the things you always dream of getting ever since highschool. He can already imagined the beaming in your eyes when he give it to you, one day.

Yeah. This is just a bump in life. Everyone Will eventually experience it at Times. Nothing is perfect, but that doesn't mean he cant stop trying to reach his future plans with you.

As Kuroo was typing on his laptop, sitting beside your bed with one hand on top of your hand, he sensed a sudden movement. His eyes quickly shot up from the device to your laying figure. He stays quiet for a few seconds, that is before he can feel the sudden broken movements of your fingers in his once again. He stand up, putting the laptop aside before putting another hand on your hand that had moved. Eyes slightly wide in anticipation for your own to open.

"... (Y/n)?"

He whispered, not wanting to startle you. The movement on your hand in his owns slowly became stronger, until it managed to lightly close in to a half fist and open again. Your eyelids trembles lightly, making an effort to open. But when it does, your orbs slowly land on him. He cant help himself, as he feels his vision getting blurry with the unintentional tears gathering up.

"Hey love... How are you feeling...?"

He softly and slowly questions, letting you process your conditions as he notices your eyes roaming around as if trying to understand where you are. And then he sees your eyes roaming at his figure, at your conjoined hands. And for some reason, the way your eyes looked at him, the way it moved as if analyzing him and the way your hand slightly shifted in his soft grip, gave him a bad feeling under the relief.

And it seems like Kuroo's gut feeling has always been spot on. For the words you weakly utter next Made his heart drop.

"... W-Who... Who are you...?"

And he wish you were pranking him at that moment.

2 years since the incident.

The day when you woke up, Kuroo called the doctors to check up on you. After going through some tests, the doctor concluded that the impact and shock from the accident Made you lost a big part of your memories. Your family was called the same day to received the information.

Ever since that day, Kuroo has been trying to rush your memories back. He's taking it slow, not wanting to pressure you and the recovery of your memories. He's been really supportive and optimis on making you remember your family, your friends, your life style, hobbies, and him. Gladly you still remember and can manage most of the things you learned at your major, and you returned back to campus a few days after you woke up. Now you've successfully graduated with an average but good scores. Yet due to not remembering your passion, you're not quiet sure what career you want to take, up until now. You've only been doing part-time jobs and online shops. Everything still feels unfamiliar to your head, yet strangely familiar in your chest.

After getting out of the hospital, You agreed on still staying with Kuroo at your shared apartment. Kuroo also persuaded your family that it might make you remember faster on your latest life style. And in a way, he has a point. Most of the stuffs you supposely enjoy and most of the things you use in your routines is in the apartment. The things back at your family house are the old things you didn't use and left when you moved out for college. In the end you spend those two years living in the same roof with him, someone who people told you is your lover of some years now.

For the past 2 years also, Kuroo tried giving you your space. He restrict himself from kissing you everytime he sees you. He tries to hold back on smushing you againts his chest. He lets you choose where you wanted to sleep, either it be the guest room or your shared bedroom. If you're not comfortable with him hugging you, like how you two used to do everyday, he'll make a distance from your side of the bed or sleep on another place. Through those Times, be tries to done the deeds on his own, not with anyone else, without you knowing too. It's been hard for him to locked up all of his swelling feelings and affections for you, yet he doesn't want to overwhelmed you. Not until you remember him, or maybe, developed the same compassion feelings for him as your new self.

But it seems like you've caughed on his hidden desperation for you. And if there's a side of you that stays, it's your need to return the favor he has been giving you. Afterall, he's the most supportive person you've met ever since you woke up. The one who let you stay at the apartment despite not remembering him, the one that pays for all your need with his new found job, the one that's with you through the twisted road for you to remember the people you love and cherished. And so that night, you confronted him.

"Please let me help, Kuroo."

Despite the sting in his heart when hearing you call him with his last name, he cant hold himself back. Afterall, saying no to you feels so heavy for him to do.

You felt familiar under his touch, under his warmth. And whatever he did to your body, you always response accordingly. He knew every parts of your body, every beauty and insecurities. He knew what to do, because before the incident it's not like you two were playing holy-boy holy-girl in your relationship.

There's this momenterally serotonin he felt when being connected with you once again. Seeing your raw emotions of pleasure and your body doing the talking. It feels like everything was back like how it was. Everything was normal, back when you would know every part of him as much as he does, back when you utter the words of love as much as he does. But, he described the feeling as "momenterally" for a reason.

You two spend the night, cuddled againts each other, or could also be said him pulling you close out of habbit. But after experiencing one of the world's pleasure with you again, he really just need to be slapped with a sour something.

"Kuroo... I don't think I could keep pretending..."

Because deep in your heart, Kuroo Tetsurou is still a stranger in your foggy head. To your old self, your old memories, he would be the man of your dreams, the man you wish would spend forever with you. But now everything is different. You tried to find that passion within you for him, it's not like it's that hard because he was an attractive man. Despite all that, you come to realized it feels wrong. You knew, you've been knowing of how he loves you with all his beings and existence, while you only stays and manifested your love for him through a facade and a form of "Pity" for his desperate heart. It fills your chest with aching guilt, feeling as if you're using him at his more vulnurable mental and emotional state.

One could say you utter your next words on panic and quite irrantional thinking. Yet it felt right at the back of your head, to let him break free from the past. To let yourself break free. Because your little heart cant keep this game much longer.

Yet, He wish you would for a little longer.

4 years passed by.

The whispering noises of the audiences are audible through the whole building. Some excited whispers, some casual talks. They're all waiting for you, not to mention the spiky haired JVA member.

His head hang low, looking down at the ground. Hands remains restless, patting his neat suit here and there and occasionally being put in his pant's socket. Beside him was Kenma, putting a hand behind his back and soothing his best friend.

Minutes passed by, and finally the slow music started playing, silently announcing to the people in the building of your soon arrival. The flower girl appeared from the door first, your nephew dressed In beautiful frilly white dress with flowers decorating. Her Tiny hands throwing the pastel mix colored petals as she skipped her way down the aisle. Some of your relatives coo'ed at her cute attics while throwing the flowers. And then when your form is visible In the room, all eyes are on you. Dolled up beautifully in your long white wedding attire, a thin veil lightly covering your face. You walked down the aisle, a family member holding one of your arm, accompanying you to your soon to be husband.

If someone were to ask what Kuroo Tetsurou though Angels looked like, he would describe this scene in front of him.

The scene was beautiful and breath-taking to Kuroo's eyes. Even Kenma can hear his tall friend's breath hitching for a second when his eyes land on you. Your face moved up, eyes locking at Kuroo's cat like ones as if on instinct. You two starred for a few seconds, before a small smile softly tugged at the edge of your glossed lips. But after that smile, you turned your head and tore your gaze away from his.

A drop of tear unconciously traveled down his face. Followed by another from his other eye, and then followed by a few more soon after. He's silently crying, holding on a sob as his hands formed in a fist shakingly. Kenma of cource notices this, as he glanced to his tall friend beside him. But he was unsure of what to do himself that can comfort his best friend, and so he continued rubbing (hopefully) comforting circles behind the taller male's back.

Afterall, Kenma doesn't think he's in a much better emotional state than Kuroo at this moment either. Where Kuroo cried on his realization of fully loosing you to another, Kenma hold tears of his mix emotions. Kenma's happy for you and your soon to be husband, but he cant help but sympathize with Kuroo. Afterall he's the only guy that has seen and hear you two go through all the hard and happy Times. It's always you three since grade school. Even though you and Kuroo formed a romantic relationship Along the way, you two never left Kenma behind and Kenma never stop supporting you two. And at this moment, Kenma is unsure how to feel with the whole ordeal. He wanted his best friend back together like before, but he doesn't want to force you in to it, not when you forgot all those happy and sad Times you three experienced together.

And as you reached the end of the aisle, a hand awaited to take yours in. A hand that was not Kuroo's, but someone whom he atleast knew at one point in life. Osamu Miya. The man you met and developed deep feelings for, after you left him back in Tokyo.

Kuroo thinks you're being subconciously quiet mercifull for him. If you were to marry someone you and him knew for years, it would be more painful for him to try and mask his sadness with a smiling face in false supportive-ness. And as he sat there in silent tears, he watch and listens to you ex-changing vows with the Kansai man you've chosen to plan your new future with.

He wish it was him again. He wish he has that privilages to be a part of your future again.

Afterall he already planned everything beforehand.

As Osamu slipped the gold ring through your delicate finger, Kuroo's mind went back to a few days a go. Where he had found a neatly wrapped letter in his mailbox. He wished he didn't come when you had sent him a wedding invitation. But years of not seeing you nor ex-changing much conversation through text, could add to the factor on how desperate he is to remain in contact with you. Even after years, He's not used to being so far away like this yet.

His cat like eyes bore on to the piece of decorated paper.

How he wish it was his name written there beside yours.

5 years has passed by since the wedding.

After the ceremony Kuroo only greeted a few familiar faces and then silently leave with Kenma. For some reason Kuroo doesn't have it in him to face you, nor say his congratulations for you. He doesn't feel like tugging a smile for you at all that day. He hoped you didn't dechiper his emotionless face as something bad.

Now he's sitting in quietly, looking at the stars above him. Behind him can be seen a wooden cabin he had rent for a small nature trip, by himself. He thinks maybe he needs it, to atleast distract himself from the though of you. Honestly the first thing that dragged him to nature and disconnect with technology, is when he sees a picture being posted by Osamu Miya and shared by Atsumu on his social account. A picture of you and your 3 year old daughter with Osamu, smiling happily as it seems the three of you are eating at Onigiri Miya.

But for some reason, having his time within the fresh air of the mountains and therapeutic noises of the forest surrounding him, only Made his thoughs Drifts further on you. He though that your love is truly for him. He though that maybe he does deserve "forever". Maybe he shouldn't expect so much back then. There was never been a perfect love story from the beginning and he should've seen it coming. Even if all the odds around him seems to lead him on thinking "yes you two are meant together", maybe it's just another one of life's trial. He kept thinking like that through the 5 years.

Crouching down, Kuroo grabbed a small gasoline can that was placed beside his leg. He walked further to the wild, the backyard of the cabin, nearing a cliff where in the morning the breath-taking view of the waterfall and field can be seen. From his inside jacket pocket, he pulled out a paper file. When opening the file, it can be seen there are several papers within it and one quiet thick handmake-shift book.

He took a seat on the dirt, not minding some dust getting on his already dirty pants from the previous hike he had. One by one, his eyes wander off through the pieces of paper in the file, reading his small writings on it before dropping it to the ground in front of him. Until all the paper has been read lightly and dropped on the ground, he moved to the book. He only ever took the moment to fully and slowly read the words on the first date of the book. The date where he finally mustered the courage to confess his long-time feelings for you, and the date where he found out you also felt the same. Felt.

He schemed through the rest of the page, rather carelessly. Because he knew if he ever took the time to read each and every single plans he had for you and him, he would spend the rest of the night in tears. Heck maybe he couldn't even sleep seeing how many he wrote in the past.

Finally he reached the last page with his writings on it. His saving plans to buy you a ring. His written plan of how he was going to pull one of the best proposal action, only for you. Seems like all of that is for nothing now.

Kuroo closed the book, dropping it down with the other papers on the dirty ground. Standing up, he stretched his limbs lightly before moving to grab and open the gasoline can. Pouring all over the papers and book, not leaving any surfaces untouched, until all the papers are nicely soaked. After he emptied the gasoline can, he pulled a box of matches out from his pant's pocket.

He lights one up and throw it at the pile of papers. It went out before it could touch the wet surface, which Made Kuroo clicked his tongue in annoyence. He lights up another one, but this one went out in his hand when a sudden gush of wind hit his face. He groans in silent frustration.

'Now nature wants to hold me back?'

Was his first though.

He tries one more time. Lighting up a match, but this time dragging it down and guiding it to touch the surface of the papers. This time it finally lights up the flames on the paper. He sight contently, standing back up to see how the fire slowly covered and burns every pieces of papers and the book. Soon enough, the small fire turned in to a camp fire with the amount of fuels given to it.

The mountain around this place is quiet, especially at this time of the night. The only thing prominently audiable to the spiky haired male at the moment are the sound of the fire eating the papers.

And just like that his future plans are all ruined by the flames. The flames in front of him right now, and the flames of lingering love he still has for you. Just this week he figured he should destroy the pieces of papers that still Remind him of the old Times with you, so that he could move forward. He's in his late twenties already, he needs to get over with things and start looking up for his own future. No matter how lonely it seems like without you by his side.

He wish in another life, he could have the privilages to plan a future with you once again.

And maybe if that time does happen, he wish that everything wasn't just mere plans and wishes.

If he were to be given another chance, in another time or another universe,

He'll make sure to make every wish and plans he had in this life, a reality.

A solid reality of you and him.

But for this life, it seems like it was never meant to be.

- End

A/N: I hope I delivered well. Maybe- Actually I wish I could deliver my ideas better

Like wise, cover edit by me but the image belongs to the Haikyuu manga

[esblueberry]

i think i found out what actually happened in kazui's story

after finding out there's a coward montblanc (the deco 27 song his va covered) one off manga ive come to the conclusion that my "emotionally cheating" theory is probably correct

basically gumi(the mc in the one shot) isnt satisfied by any flavours but then she mets a boy who gives her something that tastes so sweet it satisfies her. gumi asks the boy to keep giving her them and nothing else

eventually the boy breaks down as the sugar jar empties, tells her that he cant keep only giving her sweets and at some point it became fake, it wasnt real. to quote what i assume is from the comic (im getting this from a wordpress account)

“I’ve run out of sugar. All the things here are fakes. The sweetness I made isn’t real. It’s a lie. Remember what you said? You hate anything but sweet things. Bitter things. Spicy things. Salty things. But it’s only one part of me…I can’t continue this. You want me to spew out only sweet nothings but…I’m not that strong!”

a jar of salt is tipped over and gumi figuratively drowns. in the end gumi is left alone, realising this whole time her bf had been crying

so comparing that to my theory that his wife became distant to him due to her mental health, kazui went to another women for emotional availability due to kazui thinks his wife is just giving him the "silent treatment" and his wife jumps off the balcony because she feels neglected and ignored by her husband. that's why the apple is green, it's the knowledge of his wife's emotions, and it's why it turns red/breaks, the desire for happiness(? i think that's the way to word that)

though, the coward montblanc one off and song do seem to be somewhat different and paints gumi in a more sympathetic light, but there's no solid theory on the song (there's one about gumi not confessing her emotions because she a coward and she wants to kill her feelings and there's also one about gumi being in love with a guy who only wants her for sex, so you can see that im having some issues here) so i could be wrong

[unmanageable-day]

Come to me

PART 26.75 - next

masterlist / previous chapter: 26.5

Summary. After what happened in a relationship in the past, you found it difficult to trust someone with the gentleman image. ‘Gentleman’ seems like merely a concept and it was probably impossible for someone to be a genuine one. Now that you’re stuck with the number one gentleman at campus for a group project, how would you cope with the one and only Joshua Hong?

TAGLIST.  @samemagicpoint @unravellyn @nonuuu @seventeeneration @skylions-den @wooziverse @infinitemoods @haoraecane @sunflowergyeomie @flower0930 @riashushu — [ send ask or dm if you’re interested to be added in the list! 🖤 ]

a/n: pls bear with me i'm on mobile apps when i post this. i cant think of more words for this chapter, and i'm actually not very satisfied with this but anyways :")

Joshua had been preparing himself if in the end, it was you and Seungcheol that were meant to be. But still, he still wished that he could earn a chance from you, now that you were willing to hear him out.

"Y/N, do you like Seungcheol?"

"Honestly it's hard to not to.." you said.

Joshua acknowledged that. He wouldn't argue about it. "But do you like him that way?"

You inhaled deeply. "I'm not very sure right now. Yeah, he's nice and all. But something feels.. I don't know, not in the right place?"

"I'm not going to ask you to choose between me or Seungcheol right now. I just.. I don't think it's fair, at least to me, that you rejecting me because of only my image. We barely know each other, Y/N. I don't know about you, but if you notice I have been trying to get to know you better each day. Meanwhile you always look uncomfortable with me, yet you never tell me. I really have no idea as I keep trying to figure out what I could have probably done and when and how things start going wrong. I must admit that I really like the days during our internship and you started to open up. I had my hopes high, you know.."

"You have good points there." You smiled at him. "Uh, how do I put it, about Seungcheol.. I just thought it would be much easier if it's him."

"Y/N, you know what? Seungcheol won't back off."

Obviously, you said internally. Otherwise he won't keep calling me, or asking me to go eating out or something. Two hours had passed since he called when Joshua just literally sat down and breathed for a minute in your living room. And your phone was bombarded by not only texts from Seungcheol but also from Mingyu, so you had to set your phone in utter silent mode.

A small oh slipped your mouth, not sure what to say again.

"I always feel like there's a big wall, with layers of doors between us, Y/N. It feels like, as I'm trying to walk around the wall looking for the entrance and trying to unlock the door, Seungcheol already has the access card to go through every door to your heart."

Your expression softened as he went on.

"Even so, Y/N, I said to you before too, right? I won't give up yet. I won't back off either. Unless the real issue is my personality, my traits or anything about the real Joshua Hong that you can't tolerate."

You stared at him, completely forgetting the melting ice cream in your cup.

"So please use this opportunity to see me as myself, and don't let what people say about me define me. I'm nothing like that. You are allowed to ask me anything you want to know, including my secrets. Then you can decide to genuinely hate me or to continue what we may have."

You took a deep breath. Never had you thought to actually share your stories and your past to one man who you had been trying to avoid. "Jisoo, when I look at you, all bad memories in my life come back."

That was something very unexpected coming out of your mouth. Joshua was speechless.

"I just made it weird, didn't I? Especially when you have nothing to do with me before college. It's like I'm an antagonist who hates the protagonist for no reason."

Joshua calmly shook his head. He was caught off guard. "Go on."

"I know it sounds bad, but that's really how I feel. At the same time, there were something about you that intrigued me."

"May I ask what kind of bad memories that you have?"

"You and your gentleman image. Kind, well-mannered, always smiling. Don't get me wrong, it is good that you have all that traits. But you are too perfect. You remind me of my dad—or ex-dad if I could call him like that. He was a man like you, a sweet gentleman. Any women would fall for him, of course including mom. But it turned out he wasn't any of that. He was a low person who two-timed my mom, and left the family with another woman. Or women maybe. Women who actually fell into that smooth trick because of his image." You cleared your throat. "Basically I already experienced the same thing with my exes. So.."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that." Joshua paused for a while, seemingly trying to find the right words. "Until this moment, I just want to be someone who you can lean on. I want you to know you can come to me anytime, especially when you have a hard time. I didn't know that I was the one who gave you hard time this whole time."

"Jisoo, it's not your fault. My mom and I, we just don't want the same thing happens again. She always told me to be extra cautious when it comes to boys. I don't want to experience those times again when I fully trusted one, and at the end of the day the genuine feelings were never there. I don't want to keep having that thoughts, that I'm afraid I will be left again. I'm not lucky with boys too. I only have a short list of ex-boyfriends but they were all the same—that typical sweet and gentle and everything but only on the outside."

Your eyes were fixated on the pitch black TV screen. Your hands were fidgeting and playing with the spoon, stirring the melting ice cream in your cup. "You see, there are some times when guys like Seungcheol being playful and flirty does look more trust worthy to me," you continued.

"I know. I heard you and him talking over the bonfire when we went camping. What he told you, his dream, his goals, and his insecurities, he doesn't tell it just to anyone. Because it's like standing naked and people can see all of you, your flaws, your imperfection, according to him. He must have trusted you. If I were you, I would trust him too. So, if your heart chooses him, I will respect your decision and I hope we can be good friends. I'm sure you will be happy with him. I know he will always stay by your side."

He knew he just said it with his own mouth, yet his own words wounded him. Clearing his throat, he faked a chuckle. "Look at the time, it's almost 9. I'm really glad we talk about this, Y/N, so why don't we wrap it up?"

You were flustered that you went speechless knowing he would let you choose Seungcheol. At this rate, when you knew you were not sure of yourself, the last thing you would want to happen is you making a decision without thinking further. Just one more push, you could end up choosing that other guy for real. But, would that be a right thing to do?

Joshua got up and you followed. He began to clean up the remaining food and put the ice cream pint back in to the fridge. In no time, he put on his shoes and was about to bid you a good bye.

"Hey, Jisoo, you know what? I, too, enjoyed the first weeks of our interns days," told you as he finished tying up his shoe laces. He stood up and smiled at you. "It felt surreal even for me to finally get used to be with you. When I thought I could trust you, then it happened. The sushi bar, and the rumor between you and Siyeon.."

"Oh my God, I know, I'm terribly sorry about that. I can promise you it won't happen again, and I swear there is nothing going on between me and Siyeon. I.. if I have to I will go down on my knees and apologize, Y/N. I—"

"Geez.. no, no. Sorry, I didn't mean to bring that up again. That's already in the past. I'm at fault too for holding on to what happened in the past for too long. You see, I'm kinda that holding grudge type."

You crossed your arms, your eyes were looking everywhere. The mood hanging in the air was suddenly awkward again. Your guest was supposed to leave but why did you even bring up another topic again?

"I really wish we can start again, Y/N," Joshua broke the silence.

"Yeah, me too."

Joshua nervously rubbed the back of his head. "Also, I owe you an apology for trying to kiss you that night, and one more for not showing up at the sushi bar."

"Accepted." A warm smile curved on your lips as you looked at him softly. "I think you owe me another apology."

"What is it?"

"That horror movie. Let's never watch one again."

[ratplagues]

🔥 any dishonored thing of ur choosing -deathoftheoutsider

wah okay!! i will talk a bit about the outsider and void then..i dont really wanna frame it as a Hot Take bc i have no interest in starting shit or whatever like ill interact with whatever i want to in this fandom and ignore the rest and everyone else is free to do the same but.

I do not think The Outsider is a “character” in the conventional sense, much less that it does his character or the allegory he wields any justice to be shipped with anyone in the series (at least without seriously considering the implications and framing it in a way that completes the allegory. more on this later)

the outsider and his void are an allegory for Otherness; i’m namely gonna frame it as queerness and neurodiversity, but really anything could fit as long as it’s about you feeling seen as a marginalized and othered person. he is written to represent this allegory, not to be a person with a satisfying narrative arc or dimensions. this is why some people feel that he lacks depth-- he’s not supposed to have depth compared to others in the series, he’s mostly a vehicle for what he represents, and is supposed to be easy to identify with or recognize.

he was born to a life of hardship, suffered at the hands of the rich and powerful, was ignored, cast out, etc. etc. a familiar story. poor, queer, nd, really whatever you wanna frame it as. he was a nobody outcast. in comes the envisioned, they pick him to serve as their martyr and idol without his permission. he then had his name cut away and forgotten, and was thrust onto a pedestal to spend the rest of eternity being worshipped by other outcasts who had suffered at the same hands he had. he has something greatly in common with those who worship him, including the very people who stripped his mortality from him in the first place, but because of this shared hardship (and nothing else), his own autonomous personhood was disregarded completely in favor of The Community needing someone Just Like Them to idolize. if this sounds familiar, that’s because it should!!

his humanity was taken from him, and in his place, an idol was created. his human body is frozen in stone in the center of the void-- retired. out of commission. no longer needed. he was immortalized, transcended. this is traditionally desired, although dishonored is trying to convince you that it is not actually desirable. in the age of internet content creation, you can be immortalized without even being present, without knowing about it. you become what you can do for other people, and what you cannot. people fall in love with an idea of you, the idea of you being like them, and other people come to hate you deeply without even knowing you. people came to hate the outsider more deeply than he ever had been when he was human-- he wasn’t seen when he was human. a pedestal only helps you to be seen. the outsider had the choice made for him to achieve immortality in exchange for the simple joys of being un-known.

he spends all of doto trying to convey this idea to billie through the hollows:

"There is freedom in being hated. There is license in being cast out. Some learn this lesson a little too well."  "These people lay their thoughts, their petty wants, their murderous desires in front of me to witness. I cannot turn away." "We carry what was done to us through the rest of our endless days. No one asked if we wanted it." (i like this one. he speaks for the community-- this is a shared experience, one everyone can recognize. however, as a Queer Figure, he never asked for this. he never asked to be immortalized. i like the double meaning here)

not to mention, the entire extent of the outsider’s Sole ability and influence on the real world is to “choose” people and give them untold power over others. this is a fun ironic twist on what marginalized groups endure from powerful people, (dishonored is largely about power imbalances and socioeconomic hierarchies) but it’s also fun to think about in the context of the role model/fan framing-- so many worshippers give their lives to be “chosen” by him. it’s easily framed as an exaggeration of otherwise very real power imbalances and often the flagrant breaching of boundaries existing between creators and fans.

and on the subject of the VOID...ohht he void.....

the void should be a haven for queer folks. for nd folks. it’s wanted by so many to be a safe space, it should be, it’s the Other World! it’s renounced by the abbey, crusaded against, even. but it isn’t. it’s just this limitless, eons-old horizon that hungers and starves for something to fill it. if the outsider is the lament of queer idolatry, the void is the lament of queer Hunger. it is roaming, and restless. it does not belong to the outsider; the outsider cannot survive without it. it’s the desire to belong, not a place of belonging.

the void craves this idol, this outsider-- i, for one, have often experienced hunger for a truly moral and just role model, someone to make the world Right, and i know this is another shared feeling. those who worship the outsider, who drive themselves mad trying to see him or be chosen by him, are suffering from this idol hunger. you see this in a lot of queer and nd kids and young adults. i grew up just having my life and interests like, punctuated by different fixations on different people that i didn’t know at all, only fell in love with the idea of. it happens a lot.

there’s a couple more doto quotes that really highlight this for me:

"They carve my mark into the old bones bleached by the sun. They carve my mark into their skin. They learn true hunger in the Void." "All these charms, these runes and fetid offerings on shrines made for me, will be nothing more than objects worn of meaning. Bones and dead things, thrown into the dirt."

“They learn true hunger in the Void.” is something that i wanna touch on real quick. people can spend their lives obsessing over the idea of what they think the void will cure for them, will fix in their lives, only to find out that it’s just a hollow manifestation of the emptiness they’ve felt all their lives. it’s not the needs met, but the need itself. you have to make the home, it doesn’t already exist and you can’t fucking run to it. it is heartbreaking, frustrating, one of the bleakest messages i’ve ever encountered in a game, but i’ve never felt more seen. by submitting to these ideas, the idea of a perfect unhuman human and the idea of a perfect otherworldly home, you are surrendering your humanity. you’re not only being transformed by the powers gained (if they are gained), you’re essentially dissolving with hunger after never having these needs met. you see so many people in these games whittling themselves down to nothing but base need. empty apartments occupied only by shrines, sometimes containing their corpses. journals of people dedicating their lives to the worship of the outsider, always ending darkly.  "I will find this empty place. Somehow the key to open the Void will fall into my hands. In time, I will learn the secret and he will call to me as he called to her."

not to mention The New Envisioned-- prolonged exposure to the void will always, without fail, turn a human into silver void stone. these creatures can no longer interact with or acknowledge the mortal world. they have surrendered themselves to hunger, and cannot be saved. this is celebrated by the cult, honored by them, even. i honestly like....i pity them, and i hate them, and i recognize that i’ve been those people, lmao. when i was at my worst as a teenager, i wasnt so much a person as i was just a shell full of hunger and heartbreak. my personality was defined by who i was a fan of. i think i definitely was Less Human then. the cult of the outsider is a universal experience!!

dishonored, at its core, is a celebration of humanity. it asks you to celebrate human emotion and weakness despite greed and bigotry. the powers are not to be wanted, they are to be ignored, refused. it is human to hunger, but it is Queer and Divergent to make hunger your life’s meaning, to need to learn the secret, find the key, be chosen and loved and cherished, to be made whole by some perfect thing. to find your humanity in something un-human. dishonored sees all that, mourns it with you, and then asks you to find humanity in each other !! love the spine of your lover, the blood draining down the docks, the pause to stretch languidly in the sun of a work day.

and finally...on the topic of outsider shipping....i dont think that, in his god form, it does him much justice to be shipped with anyone. he’s not much of a person, just a projection of his former self and a vehicle for his allegory as discussed-- im sure he could be shipped like this, but it just isn’t satisfying to me in any way. however, let’s talk a bit about his lethal and nonlethal ending. DOTO asks you to make a choice. is it better to give him an abrupt and merciful ending, after deciding that the fury he’s endured at the hands of others’ famine is too much trauma for any mortal to live with? or will you decide that it’s only fair to give him a chance to live the life he never got to, to return his humanity that was taken without his consent? if you choose to free him from the void, i think you can very very easily make the argument that he can be shipped with corvo, or anyone else that can easily be shipped w/ ppl. he’s finally free to live his life as a queer man, can explore the simple and complex joys of being human with other people, navigate the hills and valleys he never got to before. corvo’s just a nice pick bc 1) experienced human/inexperienced human is good, 2) they know each other, but they don’t. this is a good setup. 3) corvo is an older queer man and uhh you cant convince me otherwise lol! and older queer/younger queer is a self indulgence for me. also corvo is just nice. i think he would enjoy helping the outsider navigate his new humanity.

just some thoughts i have running through my head all hours of the day :) this is really long cuz its a combination of a lot of infodumps from discord lmfao

[readingaccountability]

the queen of attolia - megan whalen turner

my playlist

final thoughts:

so unfortunately instead of following my initial plan of writing these before starting the next book, im basically uhhh 3/4 the way through book three and only NOW recording my thoughts on book two. best laid plans, i suppose!

anyways, book two i somehow enjoyed even more than book one, which i adored. the queen of attolia is much more political, and even more surprising, than the thief was. i think that its biggest risk is also its biggest strength- widening the scope beyond eugenides and becoming more intricate. the shift from first person perspective in book one to using third person in subsequent books helped with that a lot. though honestly i adore eugenides so much that i did miss being inside his head quite a bit. those rare moments of clarity where we understand whats going on up there are made ever more wonderful when there are fewer of them. that little bastard is just so great. his arc in this book was insanely incredible?

from here we are going to get more spoiler heavy!

utterly heartwrenching start to the novel. him losing his hand felt visceral, so well written, and his recovery was very well done i thought. not only because hes so petulant as a person already, but because the author shows the full transition as he learns how to navigate the world. later on when hes more sure of himself, it never feels unearned, because that always echoes all those moments where hes still adjusting and frustrated and tired. honestly the most emotionally satisfying aspect of this to me was when eddis and he are talking about how he is still the queen's thief, even if he might have different limitations on what exactly he can steal. it never felt like he was limited, just that they reimagined what the scope of plans were. though he would no longer be able to pull off the plot of the first book, due to the international nature of the second book, honestly he straight up graduates into a whole new realm. it was really thrilling to watch unfold!!

at first the narrative transition/revealing of his plans regarding attolia were surprising. i thought that he might be veering in the direction of planning to become king (despite really not wanting to) at a few different points, as the author is really good at leaving clues that dont feel overly obvious, or that just begin to pique your interest/attention. however i would not have guessed that he loved attolia. it was pretty clear that attolia loved him (all those little asides to what she was thinking about and it was always her checking up on him, etc? PEAK enemies to lovers plot thread) and i thought it would end up being reciprocated but not right out of the gate. at first i was a little uncertain but hoooo boy i love their dynamic (particularly now that im into book three pretty solidly- heart eyes) and i think that book two did a great job setting the stage for the next.

the setting feels much expanded upon, i particularly loved the time spent in eddis proper. eddis herself is such an incredible queen, and her dynamic with eugenides is sublime. her keeping the war from him, and by extension the audience, was great, because it also showed how he was keeping it from himself- eugenides totally could have figured out what was going on if he had bothered to. one thing i love about third person pov is that you might still be centered on one character, but since it isnt absolute, the reader can pretty easily forget that the info theyre taking in is still, on many levels, skewed towards the understandings of that character. those moments where that gets pointed out are always really revealing, i felt. absolutely amazing writing throughout.

another setting thing that i liked was the usage of the dystopia, and the plan that they came up with for traversing it. it was such a goddamn cool way of bringing back a really striking aspect of the landscape and then expanding upon it, 10/10 shit.

have i mentioned how much i love eugenides. he just DOES SHIT and i go insane! like yes, pretend to be holed up in your room and then take out sounis' whole navy and kidnap the magus in one fell swoop. i was hooting and hollering. also what a great way of bringing back the magus, i adore him.

the myth in the middle of this novel was also really great. i loved those interludes in the first book, and was glad to see the author bring back that motif in the second. im a big sucker for parables and in particular when you cant see how it ties to the theme until later on. i also loved how stunned the magus was to discover how personal tellings could shape the contours of the story. it emphasized how much of an academic he is, but was also so melancholy because of him having lost his family. the characters just feel so real, even the side characters.

attolia is absolutely amazing. i loved how every layer of her shell felt so realistic and needed as we learned more about her past... and as how ruthless she has had to be made more and more sense. killer queen indeed. and by god the contrasts between her and eddis were always so bittersweet. the fact that the ultimate, big difference, was in level of support? heartbreaking. eddis having that big family, advisers she could trust, people who loved her more than they feared her- aagh! the book so effectively shows us the comfortable setting of eddis and then contrasts in each glimpse we see of attolia. it also really effectively sets up the next book, which primarily takes place in attolia, but gotta save that for the next post. a good hint that i should sign off, i guess XD