#because i am a normal and decent person i am not going to click into this fic and critique their premise

[shootingstarpilot]

"is the jedi code catholicism? kinda" "i mean if we go by guilt alone"

tell me you missed the whole point of the jedi without saying you missed the whole point of the jedi

[evilminji]

Behold! o/ The Face Of Benevolent Evil!

Mr. Principle! A professional hero and educator!

Also possibly some sort of stoat hybrid! Certainly a chimera of Japanese fauna! With the Quirk High Specs, he is one of, if not THE, smartest beings on the planet of which he resides! With a background perfectly justifying a decent into hatred and villiany, he instead chose to channel his incredible world shaking intellect into the shaping of future generations!

He likes to fuck with people!

For FUNSIES~☆!

What can he say? It keeps a man young and mentally stimulated! Plus the hysterical screaming of his staff and students is HILARIOUS. He can even argue it makes for good reaction training! Unforseen situations, children! React!!! *psychotic chortling*

Mmmmm, yes. We all have our trauma responses. Ways we deal with them. He should probably find other means... but he won't! Tea and tormenting the student body make for good future heroes, you know! They adapt!

But! You may ask! Why am I introducing you to this... *polite yet somehow deeply threatening smile* c-completely sane and normal individual!? Esteemed educator that he is! Ha ha...

A good and not at a under threat question!

Villains? Are fuuuuuckin STUPID!

Doesn't matter how many PHDs you possess! In fact! That makes it WORSE! You moron! You absolute fool! No traveling circus would have you, you sub-rate CLOWN of a jingle jangle dunce jester! You have a god damn PHD! Possibly MULTIPLE PHD!

And you thought "ooooh I should go into cwiiiiime~☆"?

Do you hear yourself when you talk? DO YOU?! Ooooh boohoo. They won't let you study what you WANT to study. It's called an ETHICS BOARD. And YEAH, NO SHIT! Maybe get over it and keep you fucked up fantasies to your SELF.

Or? If you REALLY can't hold it in? Lay the ground work like EVERYONE FUCKING ELSE! You're not special! Everyone wants to play god! It's FUN! They let you have the COOL toys! But you have to EARN that shit! Not jump straight from graduation to "fucked up superscience"!

And? If it's NOT the Ethics Board? But just some bureaucrat on a power trip? You don't have to fucking STAY. This? This RIGHT HERE? Is why I-Island fucking EXSISTS.

APPLY.

They are SO MANY countries you could move too. SO MANY other labs. You actual DUMBASS.

But NO! You decided to commit to a fucked up underground Villian Lab. As though HUNTING THOSE isn't the PERSONAL fucking passion project of THE SMARTEST BEING IN JAPAN. Frankly? You deserve this. You deserve this and our school doesn't know you. Never heard of you. You whoms't?

Coulda changed the world. But instead all you did was piss of The Fuzzy White Demon Lord of UA. Rest in pieces. *click*

*sound of doors smashing open*

*violent Raid Upon Your Labs noises*

But! You may ask? What's IN the Lab?

What MAKES this a DP crossover?

I like your question asking spirit! Good one! And the answer? You know what's better then ONE(1) Nedzu? A second one that you can ACTUALLY control this time! After all! You could consider Mr. Principle a prototype. A proof of concept, if you will. If you were able to make ANOTHER.....

Well, you would set off EVERY. SINGLE. ALARM. Nedzu has set up!

All of them!

Because he don't PLAY THAT.

He has long last trauma from the labs and is the SOLE FUCKING SURVIVOR. There WERE others. They Did Not make it. And their slow agonizing deaths are carved into his brain for the rest of his life. Truely "The living shall envy the dead"; it was a place that made hell seem merciful.

When he declare Never Again?

He fucking MEANT Never Again. He will BURN your empires to ash, with you in them. No More Labs.

So :) You can IMAGINE :) HOW HAPPY HE IS :)

That someone out there is trying to RECREATE his SUPER traumatic childhood, on ANOTHER CHILD. Ha ha! Gonna be a second Nedzu huh? Planning to torture HIM like you did me, HUH? Shove him in a cage and treat him like an animal? Force him to watch as the others die? Collars and whips and cattle prods? Mazes?!

Nedzu may lose his shit.

Juuuuust a little bit.

But if anyone there knows what good for them? They saw NOTHING. What's a little PTSD flashback between friends? Now what is the baby?

Smashcut to said baby!

Because it was a TEAM effort, Danny was successful in "Nuh Uh!"ing out of Rulership. But NOT out of governance. Since he DID help. He's a Councilman now. It's? Not as bad as it could be, honestly. Since it's opened the Zone up to a more democratic system.

Still held by "kick the ass of the person you wanna replace" but still!

Babysteps.

Thing is? There was apparently this weird? Leak? Like a couple hundred years ago, in this one area, that was never addressed. Everyone just moved their doors and stuff. Treated it like the floors flooded. But now that they HAVE someone to complain too?

They all want their territories back.

"Go fix it!" What are we? Janitors?

Danny looses the rock, paper, scissors competition. He's pretty sure Boxy cheated. But like? Dude has a kid to go home too, so Danny doesn't fight him to hard on this. Uuuuuugh. Just remember the Spider-Man motto. Great power~ blah blah blaaaah~

And? Wow is it fucked out there.

The whole PLANET has to be limnal as FUCK. Yikes.

Problem is? When he and his team (Because YES, he HAS learned from his mistakes, Jazz.) get close to the... frankly the Zone here looks like distorted spiderwebbing. With him leading the charge, obviously.

....something happens.

It's... it's not a portal. Wrong color. It's like someone USED the weird spiderwebbing effect to... to reach INTO the Zone? But they are severally Limnal. Clawed hands, blue tint. But that's not the problem.

No, the problem.

The Horror.

The thing that his team can only watch on in agonized terror as it plays out... is that hand? It shoots out of nowhere. Ghostlike in the Zone. Meaning it must be living. And PLUNGES directly into Danny's chest to wrap around his core.

Time seems to slow.

He can't even scream in pain. At the violation. His team, acquaintances, yes, but friendly ones. Can not even cry out in horror, as they watch their friend and team lead be butchered before them. Before that uncaring hand is ripping back. Perfect ice and starlight in its uncaring grip.

For a terrible moment... he is in two places at once.

Then he is crushed in a burning grip. Like molten bars. Watching his own body dissolve into nothing in an instant, pain and horror still etched upon his face. The beginnings of screams ripping from his team as they jerk away from the nightmarish threat.

Then he can not think at all.

He... he TRIES. Knows he has been captured. Is certainly not the sort to give up easily. But... he's so tired. His body feels? Weird. Not wrong, per say. It's HIS. But... small and weird. Like he's shape shifted into a new form and hasn't adjusted yet.

....

.......

...........

He's getting really sick of all the goop against his whiskers and in his ears. It feels WEIRD against his fu- WAIT a second... did those assholes shove him into an animal? Why?! To contain him? Ha! Jokes on them! He's DONE THIS before!

For FUN!

He once spent a whole ass summer as a tiny dragon just 'CAUSE!

Unfortunately, said assholes notice him waking up. Dump him in a glorified hamster cage. But like.... a SHITTY "I don't care about the pet I bought" hamster cage. Dude. And he's naked.

Is that Japanese? Ooooh! It IS! Thank you, Tucker's Weeb phase.

......actually, never mind. Lotta dehumanizing language there, my guys. What is this? The GIW international? You couldn't even give me PANTS? Swear to God, call me an "it" ONE more time and the next time I have to go? I am going to aim through the bars at your-! *alarms going off*

....wasn't me.

I mean, be all means, ha ha and get fucked, but? Wasn't me. Oh hey! Some one exploded the doo-

AND? In Lab 4?

Nedzu finds a child with fluffy, ungroomed black and white fur, and the curious yet cautious eyes of a survivor. They are the most magnificent green, pale and luminous they glow in the laboratories lighting. Paws too big for his small frame, delicate ears on the swivel, equally large. Yet to grow into either. Adolescent, at best.

He watches the child take him in. Note his features and the chaos behind him. The injured scientist under his feet. Come to him conclusion. Nedzu will not rush him. Now that he... he stand the chance to be the hero he himself never had. It is a strange feeling. At once cathartic and unbearably painful.

He is given the equivalent of a cheerful grin, as the lad points the the lock on the cage. Is asked if he happened to bring a spare pair of pants. He can not help his amused chortle as he makes quick work of the lock. The unbearable RELIEF he feels.

He... he was not too late.

These monsters had no chance to crush the boy's light. To make a monster of him, like they did with him. He survived his laboratory, his hell. But not all of him left that terrible place. He knows that. Some innocence, some goodness, died alone in the dark. But here? He insured there would be no chance.

With amusement, he watches the boy turn the lab upside down until he finds spare scrubs. Triumphant, he then considers his own, tiny claws. Dismisses them. Attempts to hop up on a chair to retrieve something sharp. It? Is unbearably cute. To watch him rip and shred, problem solve. His little mind churning away. Whiskers twitching as his eyes dart around, considering his options.

Nedzu offers one of his spare knives.

Watches him light up.

Adorable~

@legitimatesatanspawn @hdgnj @nerdpoe @babbling-babull @lolottes

[wren-dy-flowergarden]

TWST (Mafia!AU + Bodyguard!AU)

If you realize the characters have no relatability to each other (other than the twins), you are correct. Because I just used a "spin the wheel" to pick characters to write lollllll.

Since I am trying to get back into writing, requests are OPEN. No limit. Pls fill it with what you like, no promises I will write everything though :D

I also wanted to write something more dark...pls read tags just in case!

TW: !yandere content, possessive behavior, mentions of slight blood, dark underlying themes, reader is a jewelry heiress, not be'tad

Mafia!AU Floyd Leech

Mafia!Floyd Is a little too good at his job. Frankly, his boss gets quite frustrated with the amount of bodies brought home. It says dead or alive doesn’t it? Why should it matter what happens to these small frys. 

So when he sees your pretty face on the next hit, he licks his lips in delight. What a treat. Though, the boss did say to keep this one fresh. Little blood is not bad, too much, and it causes some problems. 

So when Floyd sees you on a park bench across the street. You’re…normal compared to the others. They are greasy, bastards flaunting around their beer bellies with women cradled in their arms compared to the pen in your hand tapping against white paper. 

Floyd wants to see where this will go. His boss said to handle you with ‘care’. The moment you see him, you freeze almost like a fish out of water, or maybe like those small shrimps he sees in the fish tank run for cover as a predator approaches. Nothing like those pompous asses who wanted all fight, no talk.

You are so much fun! As Floyd smiles, holding out an eraser. 

“You dropped this little shrimpy.”

Mafia!AU Idia Shroud

Mafia!Idia never, ever, ever works in front of the house! No! Never! He rather stayed in the operating room filled with the comfort of blue light from his multiple monitors. Never missing an angle, never missing a moment, eyes glued onto the screen, because that is what he is good at.

Not when he has to escort you into their headquarters. Also, why the hell are you here? You are just the rich, tiny, heiress of a multi billion xx company; couldn’t you be placed with someone more- energetic (not chronically online person who never sees the sun). 

How the hell is he supposed to start a conversation with you? Boss said to be an excellent host–why is he the one hosting the hostage!? You walk with more poise than him, your heels clicking on the floor as he shuffles. 

You are pretty though… Small lips, big doe eyes with furrowed eyebrows taking in your surroundings. Even your bare shoulders, exposed thin collar bone with dazzling gems draped across your neck, are shivering whether because of the cold?

Be a good host…be a decent host, Idia repeats in his head. The next thing he knows he is throwing his long jacket at your head where you make a noise similar to an ‘ump’. 

“W-w-wear that till we m-meet the boss! Hostages can’t get s-s–sick.”

Bodyguard!AU Jade Leech

Bodyguard!Jade where his smile leaves goosebumps on your skin. It's the way his eyes glimmer, his teeth a bit too sharp to be normal, the way his body lurks over you like a second shadow waiting to swallow you whole. 

But…he is good at his job– ridiculously good for a man your father found off the street on a whim. The way he is diligent in his motions, gently offering his hand as you exit the limo his gaze piercing through every paparazzi, a gloved hand guides you by the small of your back through the entrance.

Your bodyguard Jade who lowers himself to the ground before you to place designer heels on your feet. It would be a lovely gesture if it weren’t for the small red marks underneath the sole…

Jade is good at his job. He keeps you protected, prudent of your lifestyle and satisfied; but, there is this feeling where you feel almost…smothered? No–submerged by his attentiveness as if you are barely keeping your head above water before a predator pulls you down.

He is right in front of your face as you wake up from your daze. His off set eyes shine in amusement as he offers his gloved hand which you take in habit. It feels damp.

“It’s almost time for your debut. Shall we?”

Bodyguard!AU Silver

Bodyguard!Silver makes you realize you are more of a bodyguard than him. At least you can stay awake. When you find him huddled against a corner of your workplace for the nth time in the last week, you break down and buy a blanket. His porcelain face makes no change as you carefully drape the plush wool over his back. Long eyelashes and smooth snow hair cradles his features. 

You're about to brush a stray hair from his cheek but before even a finger graces him, your back hits the concrete floor. Wrists tightly pinned over your head. Your heart is beating in your chest, maybe from the surprise, maybe from the way silver eyes pierce into yours as he asses you with sleep in his eyes. It’s over in an instance as your bodyguard's face filled with shock and embarrassment as he releases you, apologies spilling out of his mouth. 

You rub your wrists. Usually that will be an immediate fire for you. Hurting clients, sleeping on the job; but, Silver is unusually fast. Faster than any of the previous bodyguards your father had hired for you. And his eyes…iridescent opal, it is as beautiful as the jewels you collect. 

Your hand to cradle his face, there would be some bruises forming across your wrists but nothing a pair oIn a soft voice y lace gloves could fix. You tell him it's alright, accidents happen, that one miniscule mistake isn’t enough for you to eget rid of him. He breaths out, anxiety still shakesungs as he gulps, nodding his head pure opals staring right at you,

“I’m sorry, it will never happen again my lady” 

[meichenxi]

career. change. help

so I am making a career change because teaching is going to make me burn out and I NEED YOUR HELP to brainstorm, fellow neurodivergents and degenerates!!!!! do you have any personal experience? any careers or jobs that work for you? (doesn't need to be a 'career' that your parents would be proud of; postie works fine!)

if you don't have any ideas, could you pass it around?

what we're working with / difficulties:

I am adhd and hyperactive. I like moving around a lot and struggle to sit still all day

I am also most likely autistic. I get HUGE masking/social hangovers that mean that when I teach for 2 hours, I need to spend another 2 hours directly afterwards in the dark with noise cancelling headphones. teaching in a school left me essentially unable to cook, clean or socialise for a year. even now teaching 1-1 means that I spend 100% of the time teaching recovering afterwards at least - so an hour recovering for an hour's teaching. this inevitably leads to burnout.

I have a lot of sensory difficulties and get easily overstimulated e.g. bright lights, sounds etc. I wear blue light cancelling glasses and use loops and/or noise cancelling headphones where applicable but yeahhhh. still doesn’t really do it

I have a problem with my ulnar nerve which means that typing for extended periods of time (even standing up, even with accommodations) is difficult. This is a cumulative thing, so it means that if I don’t type very much for one day, it’ll be easier the next day, but I still can only type for about 3 hours maximum. After a while (say 3-4 days of typing a reasonable amount), everything begins to hurt and eventually my hands seize up and I can’t use them :))) I can’t really use assistive technology enough as a stop-gap, because scrolling, clicking, holding a phone, cooking, washing up etc – all things where my elbows are a right angle all cause this problem

strengths:

I have a lot of experience teaching and tutoring. Don’t really want to continue this, but this is what my main experience so far is in – I’ve taught in China, Japan, Korea, Thailand, and the UK

I have experience managing teams of teachers and training, running interviews, writing curriculums etc. basically anything teacher-related I am fairly experienced at

I can speak (obviously) english, decent mandarin chinese, decent german, and could get good at french or spanish or dutch if you gave me like. six months to reactivate it

a good degree from a good university in the uk, linguistics, first class

I have a yoga teaching qualification

physically fit and able-bodied and active – I can run, walk, climb, pull things, do whatever

the issue I’m facing is that most ‘autism friendly’ careers I am looking at all involve extensive periods of typing, which I am not really able to do. and most ‘normal’ careers all involve extensive periods of socialising, which I am not really able to do. It’s a pretty shit situation. I am very good and enjoy performance-type things like teaching drama, yoga, tour guiding and stuff – all things my adhd brain loves – but I can only do them for a very short period of time before my autistic brain needs alone time in the dark.

So anyway. What sort of things do you guys do? What works for you? Any tips or help or directions would be greatly appreciated. Unfortunately it’s not a ‘how to solve the world career’, but ‘how to have a life’ type career – I am not adverse to working as a cleaner or a traffic warden or whatever. As long as I can write my book alongside (which I can’t do with ‘typing’ heavy jobs), I’ll be happy. at the moment I'm mainly just sad and frustrated at how little life i can lead even working 15 hours a week (which is all I work, and all, with this current job, that I can work)

maybe I’ll just make a youtube channel. imagine

[lulublack90]

Prompt 23 - Perform

@jegulus-microfic January 23 Word count 762

Previous part First part

‘Knock-knock-knock.’ James woke to a firm banging on his bedroom door. 

“Yeah?” He called out, pulling the duvet up and covering his face. 

“You decent?” The kicker called through the door. 

“Enough,” James groaned. The door opened. 

“Fuck!” The person in the doorway groaned. “James, what the fuck are you playing at?” 

James was far too dozy to deal with questions he couldn’t understand. He popped his head back out of the duvet, cracking an eye open. Peering in the general direction of the door, a tall, skinny blur appeared. 

“Is that you, Remus?” He asked as his hand groped around his bedside table for his glasses. His fingers brushed against the cold metal of the frames, and he shoved them onto his face. The blurry figure instantly became clear. 

Remus was shaking his head at him. “What? What have I done?” Last night was a bit of a blur. He let the flashes of memories play in his mind. Dancing with Lily, falling over Sirius, drinking far, far, far too much and—and… 

He turned his head to the side so fast it gave an audible click. He froze at the sight, eyes wide and jaw dropped. 

“Oh, finally remembered about me, did you?” Regulus looked like he was trying extremely hard to keep a smirk off his face. James’s eyes flashed to Remus. Who had his eyebrows raised at him, waiting for an explanation. 

A thought drifted through his mind. Oh, god, did we do it?! He pulled the duvet up again, checking. He was relieved to see they both had underwear on. He turned to Regulus again, who had been covered by the duvet when James had pulled it up.  

“When did I take my clothes off? I don’t remember doing it.” Regulus leaned over stage-whispering. 

“You told me you were too hot and stripped down before I could blink.” James nodded. Okay, that did sound like something he would do.

“And what about you? Why are you only in your underwear?” Mischief sparkled in Regulus’s eyes. He moved closer, brushing his nose against James’s. His voice lowered, husky.

“You’re lucky I kept these on. Normally, I sleep completely butt-naked.” James collapsed into his pillow, letting out a groan. 

“Can you not?” He moaned. “Remus is standing right there.”

“And he can hear you! Just be glad Sirius is still passed out, and I am the one who came to sort you out.” 

James and Regulus reappeared from under the covers. Both looked sheepishly at Remus. 

“Sorry, Moony.”

“Sorry, Remus.” They both apologised. 

“You’d better be.” The stern look on his face turned to exasperation. “You two have to perform like none of this ever happened. Because believe me, if Sirius finds out you two ended up mostly naked in bed together after how drunk you got James. He’s going to kill you.”

“Wait, kill both of us or just James?” Regulus asked, snickering. He was having a lot more fun than he should have been. 

“Well, of course, just James. He’ll probably only give you his disappointed face. You know, not share his chips with you for a week. Or something.” James looked entirely put out. Regulus reached over and mussed up his hair. 

“Don’t worry, darling. I’ll remember you fondly.” Regulus snickered again, a wicked grin spreading across his face. 

“That, that right there.” Remus pointed between them. “Yeah, you can’t do that. He’ll sniff you out in a second.” Regulus turned his attention to Remus, narrowing his eyes. 

“And what if we want him to find out?” He said petulantly. Remus rolled his eyes. 

“Seriously. You want this to be what you tell him is the beginning of your relationship.” 

“Hey, hey! Who said anything about a relationship?” Regulus threw his hands into the air as though trying to slow everything down in the room. 

“So now he freaks out.” James throws his hands up as well, imitating Regulus. Regulus glared at him, and James stared right on back. 

“Don’t start, James.” 

“I’m not starting anything. You started with the dramatics.”

“Well, I’m sorry. But he started throwing around the big words.” He jabbed his finger in Remus’s direction. Remus hung his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“When you two have stopped bickering…” He stopped, raising his head to the door as it clicked open. 

“James? I don’t feel very well.” Sirius padded into the bedroom to the end of the bed and looked sadly over at James. He stood and blinked a few times, taking in the scene. “Oh, what the fuck!”

Next part

[onigiriforears]

After approx. 2-3 months of studying Japanese I started to read free graded readers online and then graduated to a collection of short stories that I purchased off of Amazon. I thought that the reason I was starting to have trouble understanding sentences was because I didn't know enough vocabulary but it was because I neglected grammar completely. It was sorta drilled into my head off of Youtube creators to just study kanji, vocab and simple sentences as much as possible before even touching grammar. I feel absolutely lost, dude. I am at the 5 month mark now. I can "breeze through" kanji for the most part. (as in, I can actually retain it in a decent amount of time) I decided to study grammar about a week ago. It is SO FREAKING HARD. I don't know if there's something wrong with me or what. I don't know if it's supposed to feel like what I thought I knew is being ripped apart at the seams, stapled together, and then torn apart again....but it does.

Do you have any tips for learning grammar? Is this feeling normal? Can you tell me when the pressure in my skull will subside? I am using Bunpro's free trial but I'm unsure if this tool will actually help me. I write tons of notes to flip through but I still fail to give them the nuanced answer they're looking for. I really enjoy the setup of Bunpro and I want to like it since it's similar to WK but I'm not sure if I'm going too fast or there's a better way to learn. I stopped learning 5 new grammar points a day and started doing only 2. (I also have Genki I and watch GameGengo. He explains things in a way that's easy for my brain to understand.) Sorry for the long post but any insight would be appreciated. I'm a bit nervous asking people in the language learning community for help or insight because a lot of them treat it as a way to show how fast they learned/1-up others. Tumblr's langlearn community is a lot different with what I've seen (or maybe I'm just following the right ppl lol)

Hi! Thank you so much for waiting for this response--I'm sorry it took so long. Your message was one of the ones that popped up when they locked my ask box (they actually still haven't answered me on why it was locked so 🤷‍♀️). To make up for that, I'm gonna be longwinded because I think that this is a super valid and important question that others may also want to know the answer to!!

Pls pls PLEASE DM me if none of this is helpful or if you'd like to talk more about what you think you need help with!!

I think that sometimes when we're learning a new language that we know is so overwhelmingly different from our own language, we focus on the things that we think will be the main hinderance and sometimes we forget the key points. You might be thinking "how did I forget grammar?" but I would say don't beat yourself up about it! Many of us focus on the things that we think are our problems(--the last time I studied for the JLPT, I focused on my weak point too much and then was frustrated with myself during the exam bc I neglected the other areas.)

I don't want to lie to you and say that learning grammar will is going to get easier because that's not the case for everyone. Think of learning grammar vs everything else as learning different types of math or science--have you ever had a friend that was absolutely phenomenal at algebra or calculus but couldn't do geometry? Or a friend that was wonderful lab partner in chemistry but struggled in biology? They're struggling in biology because it requires a ton of rote memorization in comparison to practical application and math that's present in chemistry and rote memorization may not necessarily be their strong point. Personally, I think that's also why a lot of us struggle with certain grammar points. There are some that just click with us immediately and then there are others that we have to see over and over and over and over and over--you get the point--just for us to find a single sentence with it that we understand. If you're math oriented, we need to figure out a way to no longer make grammar points rote memorization for you, but to turn it into a formula of some sort. I actually write my notes out in ways that are like that--I use plus signs (+) in my notes not because the textbooks use them but because my brain genuinely reads it as "noun + particle + grammar point = a sentence that makes sense" because, for me, formulas don't fail. Your weak point doesn't have to be your weakness--you can turn the weakness into a strength that works just for you.

I've been going at this for years and every single professor or Japanese friend (or even people from the discord server) I have can tell you that I've struggled with pretty much any grammar point that included ~ように--and it wasn't because I wasn't trying, but because I couldn't find myself using any sentences that with those grammar points because I found the alternatives/similar ones to make more sense. Surprisingly, it wasn't until I was reading 夜カフェ for our book club that I was actually able to start grasping the meaning (ngl, I still haven't used it myself--I'm notorious for using alternatives); I was finally witnessing it being used in a way that made sense in my brain.

The frustration you're feeling when you encounter a new grammar point or overload yourself with too many things in one go is completely normal and I promise that a ton of us in the Japanese langblr community have definitely experienced it too! It probably feels like everything you know is being ripped apart because your native language may have a SVO (subject-verb-object) format while Japanese has a SOV (subject-object-verb) format--your 1-to-1 translations for your notes may not be helpful in the beginning because you're still trying to wrap your brain around the fact that your words still need to go in another order than you're used to. And then you add the new grammar points and concepts on top of that (like particles and other things) and it can become overwhelming and frustrating. Sometimes, you're going to find some grammar points just downright annoying--especially when you find that there's no equivalency to it in your own language. But don't give up!

I know this is a super cliché thing to say, but practicing them will help. If you can, I would make note of the grammar points that you're struggling with, try to make sentences with them, and ask somebody to check them and explain exactly why (or why not) they're working and then ask them for examples because they may have an even better way of explaining it to you than what you've come up with for yourself!

I can look back at old notes and see when I wrote a sentence as an example just because a textbook/professor used it but I didn't actually understand why it worked at the time and then I can also find notes where the sentences written as examples were added once I finally found something that clicked for me.

You've already done yourself a favor by learning a lot of vocab, kana, and kanji because now you'll be able to try out an array of ways to pick up grammar instead of just a textbook. (I will make a note that if you're looking to take the JLPT, I would recommend having a list of grammar points that you would need to know for the level that you're planning on sitting for because there's no guarantee of what will or won't pop up on the test.)

Another important thing while you're practicing: be comfortable with making mistakes. We all make them, but when you're learning a new language it's important to be ready to make mistakes and to welcome them with open arms because it gives you a chance to experience and learn in real time.

ALSO: for you specifically--because you're interested in reading, you might enjoy learning grammar through tracking the different grammar points through what you're reading and using the sentences as your examples because they're all going to be cohesive. And if reading books or other things totally turn you off right now, maybe games? Animal Crossing and Pokemon are very nice games to play in Japanese for people that are just starting out! You may also enjoy using Lingo Legend--it's an JRPG language learning app that I beta tested and I think that it's a nice way to review (it has some fun incentives). I'm not a big gamer, so I struggle with learning through games, but I've been picking up a lot of grammar through reading because I focus on finding things that I'm interested in, rather than things that are "at my level." When I start a manga, I will scour a ton of websites and forums and bug a ton of people when I come across a grammar point that I can't wrap my brain around because I want to be able to understand what's going on.

We have book clubs and gamers in my discord server, as well as places for people to post what they're practicing or to ask for help. We have people of all varying levels and different skillsets that love to share their wisdom with others.

I haven't used Bunpro, but I know that @sammilearns has, so she may be able to weigh in on that! And @tokidokitokyo @nihongoseito @chouhatsumimi @kanpeki-bekki @burgeoning-ambition probably also have even more tips that me--I'm trying to tag people that I know we all learn in different ways, so their tips and tricks might be just what you need!

Please weigh in, fellow langblr members! How have you been learning grammar? Are you game-ifying it? Have you turned it into math equations? Have you managed to tie it in with your special interest? I can't wait to see what people add to this post!

[disease-danger-darkness-silence]

Amazon Affiliate Listicle, but with my ADHD and propensity for swearing

So I'mma do a listicle of Amazon affiliate links just like every other place is doing for Prime Days.

I'm just gonna tell you ahead of time that I'm doing it for money and the sense of incredulity I feel about... Amazon as a whole.

🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

A Backbone, probably the most ridiculous gaming accessory I've ever seen. Yes, I'd like to use my phone as a controller for $35 more than a normal PS5 controller costs and have almost no other functionality!

I am ALL ABOUT BIDET ATTACHMENTS, okay, but this brand is so fucking overpriced. I'm not paying $77 to launch high-powdered water up my chocolate starfish, and I'm definitely not paying the normal $110. I WILL say that I've used this brand and it was good, but... Dudes. It's a stream of water to make wiping your ass easier. How much is that actually worth? This is a much better price for the exact same functions.

When I saw this set of movies, I didn't see that it was James Bond. Daniel Craig is wearing like a sweater, but I also didn't realize it was Daniel Craig. All I saw was CRAIG. This is, for some reason, absolutely fucking hilarious to me.

Instant Pot for $65, need I say more?

Okay I'm not even joking, this is just a pretty fucking decent price ($84) for a 1.5 TB microSD card.

If you have a 3D resin printer, today is the day to stock up: AnyCubic has some really good resin deals going on! I personally love the plant-based resin, but I've heard amazing things about their water-washable stuff. I wanna try the ultra-tough resin, though. (Note: this is UV resin so you don't have to actually use it in a 3D printer. You can use it in a mold too.)

Let's spend $50 to make a single cup of coffee at a time when I can make better coffee using a disposable tea bag. 🙄 The hatred I have for single-use coffee makers knows no bounds.

What you do is take about two regular spoons full of coffee grounds (another half a spoon if you like it harsh, half a spoon less if you like it light), put them in the tea bag. Put any other spices and flavorings you like in the bag too. Close it, and tie it closed really well (I wrap the strings around the top of the bag and tie them again when I've tied it.) steep for 5 minutes in a mug full of hot water (doesn't matter how it got hot), and then add milk or creamer depending on your preference. It will have less of an acidic bite and a better flavor profile.

I'm super into the idea of bleaching my tooth enamel until it rots away and my teeth are super white but extremely sensitive! Give it to me, Crest! Yeah Daddy!

If you DO want the tooth-brightening shit, you'll probably want to invest in a few tubes of Sensodyne. Trust me.

Oh, you eat Tide pods? Cool, cool, if you Wan a be like 2021 about it. I'm a dishwasher pod kid. Snack time.

OK no sarcasm, this shit will clean your washing machine so fuckin good. My daughter gave me some and suddenly none of us smell like Satan's asshole anymore. Fucking amazing.

Okay look, if you wanna get special pimple patches, go ahead, they're on sale today and they DO work, but they're just hydrocolloidal bandages. I get the regular ones bc I can cut them to shape.

Okay fullstop, I love the power mops Swiffer makes and this is a GREAT deal. Anyone wanna buy me a new mop? 😂

Oh shit, they have Naked mini-palettes for 40% off. That's $21 omg why am I a poor with expensive makeup taste??? WHY? (They also have the Stila liquid eyeliner on sale somewhere.)

Yes, sir? I'd like the biggest, widest computer monitor to ever exist. I'm a gamer, you see. A thousand dollars today, you say? What a deal! I'm a gamer! (Look, I have a gaming computer and a pretty big monitor but there's a fkn limit, Samsung. There's a line and you've crossed it.)

I almost didn't click on the "pet products" tab because I miss Ziva SO MUCH. But I do love pampering my pets. In that vein, WHO WANTS TO BUY A SHOCK COLLAR?

If you've ever needed 900 poop-scooping mini garbage bags... Today is your day. Time to shine.

Aw fuck, I found a pretty damn good deal on a cat tree.

If you don't have a 3D printer, you have to buy Settlers of Catan like a peon and it's on sale today.

I'm actually disappointed in myself how much I want this.

TICKET TO RIDE FOR UNDER $40.

If you wanna train your pet to talk these things are on sale.

For the low, low price of $98, you too can let your child kill themselves by improperly using a Zipline kit.

EXPLODING KITTENS FOR $10 AND I MEAN THE GAME NOT ACTUAL KITTENS BUT I GUESS HE HAS A SHOW NAMED THAT TOO?

As a general rule Raven and I don't buy Nerf products because they're owned by Hasbro and we're boycotting them because of the whole Pinkertons thing. Plus, in the world of foam dart guns they're actually doing the worst when it comes to innovation and performance. But! We will get them on clearance or secondhand. I consider Prime Day to be clearance, so have this multipack for a kid's party that I wish I'd had for Raven's birthday party last month.

Also, this translucent blaster.

I love this style of shorts (although I got the viral tiktok ones) but omg this one has POCKETS.

Today I discovered that there is a brand called THE GYM PEOPLE and they make really boring clothes.

Hey plus-sized ladies! Want yet another ugly beige bra? Look no further!

I have one of these mandolin slicers. Highly recommend.

Get your kids used to corporate surveillance with an Amazon Echo made just for them!

THESE ARE THE ONLY PENS I USE.

Amazon putting these under "off to college" is absolutely fucking hilarious to me.

I'm actually really bummed I don't have the money to get this Samsung Galaxy Tab.

Amazon knows what's up when it comes to kids: a five-pack of identical pants. I think it's for uniforms but like. Let's be real, kids just go through clothes like that.

Every time I see a Skullcandy product, I remember when I was at a Skullcandy booth at the Warped Tour and I asked the booth babe how they compared to Sennheiser or even Audio-Technica. She looked at me, and in a snooty voice, said, "I've never even heard of Sennheiser before."

[chainoftalent]

I did it venus :D I'll do my homework of writing him with barely any lines soon enough!

You did do it! and I forgot to actually answer this ask, I am ruffling your hair. My advice from reading that is to try and slow down a bit, like i used to write a lot like that, and the best advice is to try and let the scene build, or as my english teacher always put it, you have a skeleton, but no meat on the bones. It works as a great proof of concept and a show of ideas and potential, but if you want to really make it shine you need to go back over it and just, add details.

Your story starts with this

"The day kokichi met you, you had your soulgem out in the open with it glowing,.... Towards the D.I.C.E secret base. Witches usually control humans negative emotions, so naturally, your soulgem glowed towards him as you transformed into your magical girl outfit!"

It's a decent start, establishes what's going on, but it also doesn't really give the person much to imagine or picture. Like what's the base like? What's she feeling? Why did she transform early? It is very much a good first draft, and a good start. However, a second draft can work wonders. so let me do what I normally do for my stuff and show how I would second draft it as an example

"On the day I met him, I had been following my glowing soul gem through the shadows of an alley way. A door locked tight at the end of it. While for most it would simply have been the end of things, perhaps a more curious folk would try the knob and then leave. I however had a duty to preform, and needed to be quick.

Holding up my soul gem with a small expense of magic, the door clicked open, revealing a dark hallway. I could feel the hairs on the back of my stand up as I was suddenly hit with an ambient energy of suffering. On instinct, I transformed into my magical girl outfit before braving the halls. I had thought it was just a grief seed, but with this energy, there was a chance it had hatched and lured in victims already. I had to be ready for a fight."

A little bit more detail goes a long way, even though it can often feel like "well why do they NEED to know that it's not an important plot point or anything" it is important, because it helps bring people in, and makes it easier to visualize where the story is and where it's going

You should feel proud of what you wrote though! You wrote a story and you put it out into the world! That takes effort and courage, and you deserve to be proud of it. The act of creation is inherently a thing to be proud about and be happy over! I would never want to put you down when I try and give you advice. I am just very passionate about writing and like teaching about it and I found when i was a younger writer seeing someone expand on the same concept i wrote helped me grasp these concepts better.

[spurgie-cousin]

Ok as someone who has written a 'niche' ebook I need to rant here so I will stay out of Bethany's comment section (long one incoming):

"YoU'rE aLrEaDy PoStIng!!!!" I. am going. to lose it.

Her insinuation that your average person with 250 instagram followers and zero influencing experience can organically reach hundreds of thousands of people advertising a 'niche' ebook with no monetary investment is just fucking false. It's just not fucking true.

Girl Defined found their way into the mainstream internet by pissing people off, full stop. I'm convinced it's one of their main advertising techniques regardless of what they say their "message" is, they know controversial takes get them clicks and followers. They didn't get their following by politely advertising their content on their personal social media for their closest friends and family 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 they created a business account, invested (their parents) money, and click-baited the shit out of millions of people until they were able to reach about ~70k bigots/hate followers that were willing to keep up with them.

The amateur ebook market is beyond saturated, even in niche markets, because of grifters like Bethany who sell it to desperate people as some kind of passive income holy grail. It has a reputation for being dog shit in general for that reason. The likelihood that people are going to stumble on your individual ebook while researching and be willing to buy it from a stranger they know nothing about (especially if you have no provable credentials) is slim to none. So you're going to need to do research on your market; if there are millions of ebooks already out on your 'niche' topic, it's not going to be a good investment of your time or money. If you find a market that looks promising, then you'll have to advertise.

Advertising to your personal instagram following by doing what Bethany is suggesting (just posting like you normally do while mentioning your ebook sometimes) might get you a few pity buys sure, but it's obviously not a sustainable income source. So now you have to get militant: 1. harass your friends and family to share your ads (they'll love it i'm sure) 2. buy advertising (for a niche topic that doesn't appeal to everyone, you're not going to get away with the bare minimum of maybe $50 a week on instagram. keep in mind that the average ebook costs will make you around $2.99 a pop) 3. post constantly (see Bethany's frequency)

And even if you're spending money advertising, it means nothing if your content isn't engaging and well made, so if you're not used to making it you're going to need to put in some time researching successful ad tactics. And the tone needs to be consistent with the material you're selling, not everything can be sold with 5-second uncoordinated tiktok dances a la Bethany Beal. You also might even need to invest money in equipment to make said content (like Bethany has) which could be anything from a Canva subscription to a $30 tripod to a $1,000 digital camera. The insinuation that people can make the same content she does when she has a professional photography equipment and software is just a lie.

Say you've done all of that, say you're spending about $200/week on marketing, you're making decent content, you're getting decent traffic. If your topic is truly niche, that means you may have to reach hundreds or even thousands of people a day before you get to one that is interested in your topic. And even then, some of those people aren't going to want to buy an amazon ebook written by someone they've never heard of, so you're going to need to reach lots of those people. That's tens i not hundreds of thousands of people a day, to make maybe 10 sales a day (less than $30 a day). That doesn't even cover your advertising costs.

So either Bethany is ignorant as fuck from a lifetime of having her parents foot all her bills, or she is a really, really unethical business person on the same level or worse as MLM creators. The amount of work the average person would need to do to make ANY decent money from an ebook like this is not passive income!!!!!!!!! She's taking advantage of desperate women in a horrible economy to sell her half-assed 'course' material and it just makes me so fucking angry.

[guarshroom]

TLDR at the bottom

Hot take: The Scorch Shot is an interesting weapon that is more than a long range fire starter IF the user has good aim and an understanding of how to utilize its knockback effect

What I mean by this is if you observe how the knockback works with it, you will notice that more often than not if you directly hit an enemy with the scorch shot it will cause the target to pop up a few feet rather than knock the enemy backwards. Not to say the latter doesn't happen but more often than not the former is the case.

This has a few inherent benefits, the first and most important of which is that it severely messes with the aim of the victim ESPECIALLY SNIPERS. My theory is that the Scorch Shot is originally meant to be Pyro's answer to everyone's favorite infinite range point and click adventure hence the Darwin's Danger shield which does nothing but act as a hard counter to Pyro.

In fact, this mechanic can often be used to help Pyro deal with most classes that use hit scan/non-projectile weapons as those classes tend to require good tracking and meat shots to be effective. This allows Pyros to have a chance against something like Heavy, if not to kill the heavy but to buy time to run away as the Scorch shot will hold the enemy in place for a split second for pyro to either air blast them away or get around cover.

Going from that another, often less utilized, aspect of it is that it sets the target up to be finished off by another teammate which goes under utilized because in pub servers the person to person co-ordination is often hard to pull off for one reason or another. I've wittnessed this first hand by popping up an enemy soldier and my brother then deletes him with a donk.

In some niche cases it can even be used to flare jump. Yes it does have significantly less force than the detonator but it can be used to jump gaps that are slightly too long for Pyro to jump normally and even bypass some things that require multiple crouch jumls to clear.

Now, this isn't to say that most people out there don't use it as a means to be obnoxious and use it to build Mmmph on the Phlog (even I find that combo annoying and I Main Pyro). What I am saying is that the Scorch Shot is a weapon with a very low skill floor that has a decent skill cieling thst makes it even more obnoxious when properly utilized. It is a weapon that, with used well, gives Pyro the ability to approach from the front when they are a short range class with few good mobility options and generally most of the classes have better burst damage output than them.

Hell, I would say most classes have an obnoxious weapon that fit under the category of 'weapon that is used obnoxiously but can have some nuance to it'. Soldier's Beggar's Bazooka (Rockets go BRRRRRRR), Demoman's Stickies (sticky spamming), Engie's Sentries (especially the mini sentries!), and Spy's Deadringer (aka Spy's Get Out of Jail Free Card).

My point being I understand that the Scorch Shot can be an annoying POS when dealing with a Pyro that spams it all the time without even trying to aim and just lighting everyone on fire, but it can also be super cool weapon to use when you aren't soley aiming for Frags.

TLDR; Pyro TF2's Scorch Shot weapon is designed to be an anti-sniper/utility weapon that most people have reduced to being an obnxious fire starter that just used to annoy people

[dxfiedfxte]

Yet another thread relocation because this editor breaks too damn much lately T_T || @tacitusauxilium

✦✦✦~ Fuuka

“…I…lost Juno.” Fuuka whispered hoarsely, her eyes squinting in fear of Akihiko getting ready to yell at her. She clasped her hands together, trying to feel for her. She made sure Akihiko couldn’t get a word in as she continued speaking. “M-minato saved my life and it cost me my Persona. Minato’s shadow attacked me–through the chest–” Her hands shot to her chest, wincing in pain as she could feel the pain and lowered her eyes. “–a-and I can’t sense no one anymore! I-I can’t sense if anyone is in pain, if anyone is lost–I-I don’t want to be removed from the Shadow Operatives!” 

Akihiko listened to Fuuka’s woes; he was surprised that Juno seemed to have disappeared from Fuuka’s mind–heck, he didn’t know how Personas work but that they appeared. He quietly thought, and feared, that maybe the shadow that formed from Minato stole her Persona? He had never heard of it happening before–at least Mitsuru was getting the full story from Minato at this moment. Akihiko put a hand on top of Fuuka’s head and shook his head. “You won’t be removed–I’ll be sure of that. Fuuka, you’ve done so much for everyone then and now. I know Juno will come back to you. And if I am wrong, I’ll be sure to stop traveling the world and focus on college.”

Fuuka sniffed her nose, feeling a tickle of a laugh wanting to escape, but it stayed inside of her chest–she only nodded to his promise. Fuuka wouldn’t know how to act like a normal adult–go to college, become a doctor to satisfy her parents goals, and watch her lover have the freedom she couldn’t? She mentally shook the thought from her mind as Akihiko moved to reach for her water and snack and handed it to her. “…thank you.” Was all Fuuka could say as she clenched them closer to her chest.

Akihiko nodded and lowered his hand from the top of her head. “Come on. Let’s go back to the room–I’m sure Minato and Mitsuru want to talk to you and see you. Besides that, you need a bed to sleep in. Wouldn’t want Minato to get jealous of me carrying you to bed, right?” He joked, noticing that Fuuka didn’t really react quickly to the joke, and felt his heart twinging in sadness at how badly she was. Fuuka nodded slowly and felt Akihiko’s hand on her back, guiding her back to Minato’s room while feeling like an empty shell of a person. She was there physically but her mind was somewhere far away.

As he greeted her, the redhead kept her expression serious, but slightly gentle. While this was a serious discussion, it was still good to see him again, despite the bandaged and healing wounds, still in decent health. There was a lot to talk about, so Mitsuru would get right to the point of her visit and get Minato's full account of what happened, and what led up to him being in a hospital bed and recovering from a successful surgery, She had gotten the brief description of it, but she would need the full report, to better help assess what happened and what would possibly come next.

Booted heels click on the ground as she makes her way towards a chair by his bedside so she can listen. Besides, she was sure that this would be a bit of a long talk, so she figured she might as well sit down as they go over the event that had brought them here in full detail.

[{ ♕ }] - "As expected, you seem to be recovering relatively well. I'm glad. Unfortunately, I don't have enough time for a more adequate visit, so I'll get right to the discussion at hand. For now, let's start with when this shadow appeared, and what led up to the confrontation."

It was a bit of a shame that this wasn't a normal visit, Mitsuru had become a very close friend of his from their circle of friends, and everyone held a special place in parts of his heart, but Mitsuru wasn't just a close friend, she was also a mentor to him as well, she even went out of her way to ensure that the graves of his parents were being well-maintained and cared for to continue to respectfully honor their memory and that to Minato, meant so much. So, he wanted to give her all the details he could to help her further her investigation into the matter.

Taking a deep breath, Minato sat up a bit, albeit slowly given that he was still very early into the healing process. Closing his eyes, he begins to think, projecting the scene of everything that happened clearly in the back of his mind, grey-colored hues open, and he begins to explain, playing back the experience like a movie on a big auditorium screen.

[{ 🦋 }] - "I had just gotten back from a podcast, and Fuuka wasn't at the house, so I got worried. Only to get a picture text from her phone, but it wasn't Fuuka, it was the shadow... my shadow." One short pause as he revealed to her the identity of the aforementioned shadow that had been responsible for the state Minato was currently in.

[{ ♕ }] - "Your shadow? And you're sure it wasn't just taking your form? If this really was your shadow, then this may be more serious than I had originally anticipated." Minato's expression remains serious as he says nothing. The expression he wore was more than enough to tell her that he was serious.

[{ ♕ }] - "I see...please continue." She adds, convinced by the look on his face, she continues to listen to the rest of the recollection of what happened.

[{ 🦋 }] - "The text was a message, telling me to meet him at a specific location and it had a picture attached to it, a picture of Fuuka tied up, and she was hurt too. Needless to say, I rushed over. When I got there, he was waiting for me, and that's where the fight started." Minato continued to go over the rest of it, in full detail. He left nothing out. Moments later, he was finally finished.

Mitsuru remained sat in the chair for a few, carefully processing and pondering what all this could mean. Surely there was a larger scale to this encounter, ulterior motives involving a grand scheme. She had a strong sinking suspicion, that Minato wasn't finished with his shadow just yet, concerning, to say the least, but she had faith in Minato, he always seemed to find a way to go above and beyond every time, even in the most dire of situations. Regardless, Mitsuru was still determined to find her own share of answers.

[{ ♕ }] - "I see...I'm relieved that you were able to bring Yamagishi back and that you're still here with us. Regarding the shadow. At first, I thought that this situation was similar to Narukami and his friends with the way they awakened their powers. Yet, you were still able to use your Persona, so we can rule out any potential link to that. Still, it's quite concerning to think that a shadow could be that intelligent. let alone, enough to put together a plan to trap someone." She's quiet for a few moments before standing up from her seat. Before Mitsuru could say anything else, Minato stopped her by speaking.

[{ 🦋}] - "Mitsuru-san, there's one last thing I should tell you. I was going to let her tell you herself, but I wanted to give you a heads-up. It's the reason Fuuka is so down. For whatever reason, Fuuka lost Juno, and she's worried she's going to be removed from the team. I don't know how it happened, but all I know, is that my shadow beat her up pretty bad.. not just physically either..."

The sentence stops Mitsuru in her tracks, a single clicked heel as she stands in place to listen and take in what she has been told. It made sense, so that's why Fuuka looked so distraught. While her not having a Persona was a bit of a big deal, Mitsuru couldn't even dream of letting Fuuka go, she was one of her close friends, and also one of the best handywomen she knew, especially when it came to technology, removing her from the team completely would be absurd.

[{ ♕ }] - "Juno is gone...? That's horrible, and also very strange. I've never heard a case where a Persona disappeared from its user's mind entirely... I fear that your shadow may have somehow been responsible for it. Remove her? Unheard of. I would never remove her from the team. If it came down to it though, I would just put her in another part of the team, one that is good for her natural talent. Anyway, thank you for your report Minato-san. It was very informative, once I speak with Yamagishi, I'll try and see what I can do to help."

After the discussion ended, and on cue, the sound of footsteps, could be heard outside the door, Minato had hoped that at least, she would be able to eat, she needed food after what happened Upon the door opening, Minato gave Fuuka a small smile, while Mitsuru gave a slight one as she took back her card. Now that Minato had explained, she understood that losing Juno wasn't Fuuka's fault, there was just something more to it. Just as Mitsuru had theorized, it was most likely his shadow that was the cause of it. Minato just hoped he would have enough recovery time when the time to face him again.

[{ ♕ }] - "Ah, Yamagishi. I've just finished speaking with him, so if you don't mind, I'd like to talk to you now and get you're account on what happened, please do include as much detail as possible, the more I know, the better I can be of assistance."

[homeiswherethewitchcraftis]

I clicked ur blog initially b/c I saw you rebloging some aesthetic pictures and that ur blog was witchy. Read some of ur post and I see ur a tradwife. most of you guys I’ve seen online have been pretty hateful, (extremists, far-right, and usually a terf) so I normally just ignore the stuff I see but I was curious if you could explain to me how you view this stuff since you don’t seem to be the things I’ve listed above for the most part. /gen

(Not trying to be rude just curious)

Well thank you for asking instead of just sending hate/ threats like most people who come to my blog thinking it's just trees and witchcraft and are "disappointed " to realize I hold opinions the disagree with lol.

I am not a tradwife, I am tradfem I no longer consider myself a traditional wife because I unfortunately have gotten a divorce in the last year. I still discuss tradwives, traditional gender roles and the lifestyle because it is important to me.

While there may be hateful people in trad circles they (like in most groups) are the minority. Most people who consider themselves trad just want to live as traditionally as possible they believe in traditional gender roles and often simple living. Many traditional people want to return to more sustainable lifestyles things like homesteading or just growing a "victory garden " etc. Many trad women feel we face to much pressure to leave our children and work outside the home even when not needed and that this pressure is detrimental to women, children and communities.

As for myself I believe traditional gender roles are based on natural roles. I have been pressured and bullied for this and for wanting to stay home with my kids. I'm not going to speak for everyone who uses these labels just myself and what I've seen from these communities both on and offline.

Most Trad people are right leaning politically unfortunately in today's political climate being moderately right leaning is considered "extremists " so forgive me if I do not take that claim very seriously.

Additionally there is an array of different political opinions and beliefs that are considered right leaning. Not all Trad people would consider themselves conservative some like my self are libertarian for example.

As for the claim that Trad women are terfs that makes no sense. Terf stands for trans exclusionary Radical feminist, most Trad women aren't feminists especially not Radical feminists. Again this is not a claim I take seriously simply because it is used to describe any criticism of a trans individual or of trans activism.

Personally I have no issues with trans individuals who are decent people I may disagree with them but I don't hate them and at the end of the day grown adults can do what they want with their bodies.

I have plenty of issues with trans activism and the response to it I our society .

The idea that small children can decide to be the opposite gender is insane to me considering kids at those ages still pretend to be dogs and dragons. This has also led to parents losing custody and false claims of abuse against parents who do not affirm these kids feelings which is a major issue. Schools going against parents and even pushing children and teens towards lgbt labels especially trans labels is an issue.

There is no safe way to stop puberty the harm caused by puberty blockers is long lasting and not openly discussed due to the nature of trans activism. Also it's not discrimination to not sleep with or want to sleep with a trans person. Women don't need to feel safe have males in their female only spaces. And most importantly Valid criticisms and genuine concerns are not hate.

I hope I've addressed your questions and I hope you feel free to ask more message me for clarification or to discuss further I am happy to do so However I may not get to your messages or asks quickly as I am working and dealing with the after math of hurricane Ian. ected please help out your neighbors.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

the anon who doesnt have aspd and taught myself empathy again here! i've never talked to a psych (self diagnosed autism) and as a teen i was p sure i had aspd (i Knew shit was strange w me and really wanted an explanation and once i figured out my mix of trauma and autism things made sense) coz lack of remorse and shit but i never actually really matched the rest of it -- i dont have substance abuse issues and never have, im p easily entertained, i've had the same three friends basically my entire life. i do though describe myself as the worlds most boring hedonist coz like yeah i sometimes have a hard time controlling my impulses and im motivated by fun but for me thats usually p simple -- easily entertained. read a book, video games, jump around to music. i AM frequently bored though?? like its my most frequent emotion and ive spent a Long time learning to cultivate my joy and really feel it properly. but im also the most easily excitable person i know. i dunno, i have v large emotions that appear then disappear quite quickly. a favourire hobby of mine since i was a kid has been to start arguments between the ppl i care abt and see how large i could make them in a single session then solve the argument w/o the ppl realising i'd manufactured and egged on the argument. which typing that out now seems uh. an interesting hobby. but late last year i told my younger brother and he laughed coz its a v me thing to do and was like "yo thats fucked. pls stop doing it to me" so since then ive mainly tried to just like playfully tease ppl in a normal way coz cognitively i understand its a fucked thing to do and im trynna be like, a decent person who doesnt go outta my way to play w ppl for funsies. which yeah that uh... maybe i Should look into aspd more again, i did a fairly shallow look into it as a teen and relating to azula as much as i did as a kid (and izaya as an older teen/young adult) was deff a sign of smth

i've followed you on this blog for a while (i think you'd only had it for a couple weeks when i first followed u?) so yeah i did know the story abt u and ur fiance! v cute

i feel like maybe we need a different identifier than "the anon who doesnt have aspd" because that might not be, uh. accurate! i have o clue why a lot of people with aspd seem to congregate around my account but i guess this is an aspd helpline now??????? whuh????

like im not complaining its just. how did i get here

also i think ive deadass used the "worlds most boring hedonist" descriptor for myself before and i deal w chronic boredom the same way you do- i have a LOT of hobbies and i plan elaborate projects and that entertains me but only temporarily

and thats the thing about aspd! it- like every other disorder- is a spectrum. you might not have substance abuse issues, and i do. you did.... your interesting hobby, and i find it morally fucked!* i have no idea your relationship with criminality, and i got fired for stealing

*i have done something similar but i have a moral policy of like, only fucking with people who Deserve It. who deserves what varies case by case and what exactly i do... i need to explain weird spiritual stuff to go in depth andyeah im not really itchin to be called crazy on tumblr dot cum

aspd in general is very misunderstood and no literature really focuses on what its like to have the disorder, only the perceived damage being around someone with the disorder will bring- which is why i initially self diagnosed thru tumblr posts from ppl talking about their symptoms in a serious educative way

sometimes i think like, maybe i don't have aspd, maybe i'm just autistic and i'm spreading misinformation- but i never really felt "at home" with other autistic people. its like- yeah i click better with other autistic people, but i'm still masking, i'm still faking, and even in this situation i can drop the mask partially but not fully. growing up with a personality disorder and trauma in communities largely filled with autistic people with trauma, very quickly teaches you that there's something different about you. it's an isolating, traumatizing feeling- my experience with this was mainly symptoms of npd, but like.... knowing you have a problem, wanting it fixed, and knowing nobody around you knows how deep the problem runs, and might even find its existence laughable or dangerous... it's isolating! and its shitty!!

generally i tend to Know if things i'm doing are bad or not, i just tend to not care in the moment, because it's better than being bored! entertainment wins out over everything. it's actually kind of terrible; i'll do stuff just to see a reaction out of people- it's like izaya, honestly, what happens when people are pushed to their breaking points?

thats kind of how i got so much into angst and psychological horror. not only did i want to break the characters, i wanted to break my audience. i'd tell my friends detailed stories about torture partly because i was interested in my story, mostly because i wanted to see their horrified reactions. i wanted to see how far was "too far," and i keep that stuff in my current narratives- i keep the pov extremely tight and do silly little tricks with narrative and formatting to make the audience feel like they're Really There

so yeah look into aspd. do it boy listen to me im the ps5 im speaking to you inside your brain. do it boy do it

[memorydragon]

So I thought I was going to take a day off from ranting about how mental I am because of these gay cops, but nope. Normal levels have not receded.

First of all, I really do adore Bu Chonghua. He's a condescending prick at times, but I love him and I love how Huai Shang lets him be so very wrong at times.

Even when that wrong hurts like fuck.

There's this moment when they're both out of town-ish to interrogate someone and they stay in the same room because it's too late to go back. That morning, Bu Chonghua sees Wu Yu walking around, half asleep and shirtless and completely relaxed, and he realized that at some point, Wu Yu has marked him as 'safe'. And yes, I'm normal about that, but the point is, when exactly did Wu Yu mark him as such?

I made that post about misunderstandings being well done in this plot, but I need to clarify that there are sometimes Bu Chonghua is a condescending prick and Wu Yu is very correct when he's calling acab. The first time I read through it, I was like, yeaaaaaah, Hua-ge, I love you, but you're really being a condescending prick. And Wu Yu was well deserved in bitching him out.

The second time I read through it, it hurt like a fucking truck. Putting aside my personal flashbacks of being othered by someone who thinks you're part of 'them' while being completely and totally dismissive of my identity, when Bu Chonghua tries to draw the line between criminal scum and say they don't change, he was off. He was so off by miles and Wu Yu sneers and says he'll never become like Bu Chonghua because he really, really fucked that one up.

Which is why not even half an hour later when Wu Yu gets triggered so badly he's throwing up his stomach lining (onto Bu Chonghua's shirt XD), it had to be so jarring. Because Bu Chonghua correctly assesses his ptsd (which he knows, because he's been living that same empty life and have I mentioned I'm Normal about these trauma kittens?) then says 'I want to pull you back from that.'

If you saw my post from yesterday, yes I've been thinking about this all day to the point I can't even keep reading because massive fucking ow. Now, if you've been following me for a decent length of time, you're probably aware how I feel about spoilers. Namely, I don't care a wit about them. You can spoil me anytime and I won't care. Honestly, I prefer spoilers on some things (not to be hipster, but I was into tgcf before any of my friends and I would have really liked a spoiler about certain things but had no one to give them to me) and my enjoyment always comes from the journey rather than the destination in most cases. My spoiler tag is a polite accommodation for everyone else, which I sometimes completely forget to do, but I do try to keep up with it. (On that note, I'm so sorry, tgcf donghua second season was completely untagged for that. I completely forgot. -_-;;; ) That said, what I'm about to discuss is one of the few times I've actually danced around a major spoiler, because this one is quite big. I've avoided mentioning it explicitly in my previous posts about Tun Hai, but I'm about to mention details. So this is your warning, I'm about to talk about a spoiler that even I consider to be a significant one. If you don't want spoilers, scroll past and don't click the read more.

Because the only two people in his life who have ever genuinely cared about him and not who they thought he was wanted to take him out of that hell. Because his aunt gave him a name he can no longer use, because Xie Xing came back just for that promise. Because he's been forced to live someone else's life, the life of the only person who gave a damn, because he wants so badly to escape to a place where poppies aren't grown and he can't do that as himself. Because he's carrying Xie Xing's wish that he lives on for the both of them. And just fucking ow, little fish, please stop breaking my heart.

And this is where Bu Chonghua is marked safe, even so close after he fucked up so badly, because that's the one thing he's been promised by people who actually see him, that they're going to take him out of that hell and into the light. And Bu Chonghua just casually says this, not understanding why Wu Yu is stunned by something that to him is just normal amount of caring. Because two people died before they could make good on that promise, despite how hard they both tried, and how hard Wu Yu knew they both tried and died in their attempts. And I'm so fucking unhinged by this.

Because when before Bu Chonghua has even realized it, he's put himself along side what only two people have ever tried in in Wu Yu's life. All of that night, when Wu Yu shows him his favorite 'movie' (this little fish, Wu Yu, baby, why are you like this XD), when he follows Bu Chonghua out, when he watches Bu Chonghua basically take on a whole street gang while venting, only stepping in when Bu Chonghua was actually in danger, when Bu Chonghua is sitting there thinking by himself that Wu Yu deserves so much better, and when he realizes that Wu Yu can occasionally stick his head out of his shell and look around if someone is patient enough to wait (Abso-fucking-lutely feral). All of that time, Wu Yu has marked him as safe and I'm so Normal about Them.

[emeraldenha]

LOVE - LOVE.

pairing: tennis player!sunghoon x fem!tennis player!reader | genre: sports au, high school au, enemies to lovers, fluff | w/c: +3.9k words | warnings: cursing, it's been a long time since I've played so I apologize for any technical inaccuracies lol

click here to check out the Game On! series masterlist!

*additional note: this is the written format of sunghoon's imagine, click HERE to return to the original version.

you wouldn't say you're the most competitive person on earth, but it sure seems like it when it comes to park sunghoon.

the two of you were constantly at each other's throats and there was no denying the fact. you couldn’t even call it a normal interaction with sunghoon if you weren't competing over something, no matter how trivial.

betting to see who could score higher on a test, projecting personal vendettas during class debates, and even racing to see which one of you could be first in line at lunch, though most importantly, it was about who could win the most tennis matches.

as the both of you were respectively on the girl’s and boy’s tennis team, that was your biggest opportunity to earn bragging rights. you and sunghoon even kept sticky notes with tally marks on how many achievements each of you have acquired. they were posted on the inside of your locker doors — which made it easier to compare them considering that your lockers miraculously happened to be placed right next to each other.

to put it simply, your relationship with him is anything but matured and civilized.

and it's not like you and sunghoon are star players either. the both of you are more so equally average at the sport, meaning that you’ve formed some deep rooted beef for the hell of it.

well, you did it for shits and giggles. for sunghoon, not so much.

it all started when you were first years.

the weather was extremely humid one day during a joint practice with the boy’s team and you were starting to feel exhausted under the scorching hot sun. when it was your turn to play in a singles match, you were going really strong at first, but then the fatigue took over you halfway in.

your opponent hit the ball to the opposite side of your court, making you run to the other side with every last bit of strength you could muster. so with determined efforts, you swing as hard as you possibly can. your grasp on the handle of your tennis racket accidentally slips mid-swing, and like a scene in slow-mo, it coincidentally hits sunghoon right in his back while he's playing on the court adjacent to yours.

and from that moment on, a rivalry was born.

to no one's surprise, sunghoon was the initiator.

it was now your second year of high school, and if anything, the rivalry has only intensified. that stayed true until the season of spring, when sunghoon is faced with a dilemma.

due to trying to keep up with his studies, sunghoon was majorly slacking during tennis practice. he needed decent grades to stay on the team anyways.

sunghoon was never fond of studying, leading him to work his ass off to compensate for all his assessments and procrastinated projects. it was safe to say that he was struggling, badly.

and he needed all the help he could get if he wanted to be ready for the spring tennis tournament next month. he needed to beat you, obviously, since the two of you were always so neck and neck according to those damn sticky notes in your lockers.

though it's also maybe because his parents will make him quit if he doesn't start pulling in results that'll be worthy of at least a partial scholarship.

“jay, please I am begging you! I'll do anything!”

“I already told you I can't, sunghoon. I have a lot on my plate not even including school and the tournament. I'm sorry.”

sunghoon sighs at another failed attempt to convince jay, his only friend and fellow teammate, to get on board with some one-on-one extra practice.

“can't you ask someone else from the team? I'm sure there has to be someone that'd be willing to helping you.”

“I can't ask them! most of the guys are getting extra tutoring right now and I don't want to be a bother. plus, I'm not really close with any of them so it'd be pretty awkward, right?”

jay laughs, “you're such a lone wolf.”

speaking of lone wolves, it was actually quite comedic how you and sunghoon portrayed completely opposite demeanors outside of your rivalry.

sunghoon was, in truth, extremely antisocial and hated speaking to others unless it was absolutely necessary. you, on the other hand, was someone known for being very quiet and introverted due to your terrible case of social awkwardness.

it was like you were two separate people when it came to your childish animosity against one another.

jay thinks for a moment before suggesting, “why don’t you ask someone from the girl’s team?”

see, that was an even bigger issue.

all the girls on the team like to gatekeep you because of your rather sweet and shy personality, causing you to become the baby bird that they took under their wing.

not to mention, to add even more fuel to the fire, he'd always make fun of how nobody cared about the girl’s tennis team just to spite you (which you like to think is not true but the school's negligence towards your team really shows).

but sunghoon can shove his words up his ass because the boy’s tennis team isn't treated much better!

moving on, conclusion is: the entire girl’s team hates him.

which is why sunghoon says the girl's team isn't much of a better option either.

“...what about y/n? you talk about her all the time. aren't you guys like — I don't know — frenemies or some shit like that?”

and sunghoon's all like take the friends out of frenemies and that's what we are and continues babbling about his hatred for you once jay says that he thought it was all lighthearted teasing.

“but didn't you say she was your type before she hit you in the back with a tennis racket?”

“okay but—”

sunghoon begins another one of his lengthy monologues though it's all essentially irrelevant because it's just him giving bullshit excuses about how he was delusional to think you were cute before he knew how much of a devil you could be.

and jay's just telling him to calm down and that it's either go to y/n or practice with the wall.

sunghoon, in the midst of his passionate rant, stands on his feet and goes “just watch! I'll prove it to you. I'm going to ask her for help, and she's going to laugh in my face and say no. why? because we hate each other! h-a-t-e.”

jay simply raises an eyebrow, “so you won't even try asking your own teammates but you'll ask y/n?”

“shut up!”

sunghoon's blood easily boils as he stomps away with the tips of his ears bright red, making jay smirk before moving on with his day.

sunghoon doesn't have the courage to even approach you until he's hit peak desperation, which is almost three days later after his conversation with jay when he gets chewed out that same afternoon for lacking proper form on his backhand swings and he can feel every last ounce of sanity leaving his body.

so, while suppressing the urge to curl up into a ball and cry, he slips a note into your locker saying to meet him outside the courts after school.

when you unfold the torn piece of notebook paper lying on top of one of your textbooks, you're thoroughly surprised.

was this another one of sunghoon's pranks? if that's a possibility, should I ditch him just to be safe?

well, curiosity killed a cat, and it would surely kill you too because you were dying to know the reason behind that note.

however, it definitely isn't anything like what you were expecting.

“you—”

there's no words that can quite describe the overwhelming confusion you feel in this moment as you continue to stutter out.

“you want me to help you practice for the upcoming tennis tournament?”

sunghoon purses his lips, swallowing his pride before hiding a quick 'yes' in his cough.

you can't help but ask him the obvious question: why?

not only did he like to remind you on a daily basis that he despised your entire being, but it's not like you're that great at the sport either.

“because everyone else is busy and you're my last resort.”

you roll your eyes, “geez, way to flatter your so-called 'last resort,' park. very persuasive if you ask me.”

sunghoon clicks his tongue at your sarcasm, “glad you think so. are you going to do it or not?”

“sure, I'll help you.” you shrug so nonchalantly and sunghoon's in pure shock because it can't be that easy. “but what's in it for me?”

there it is.

sunghoon sighs, having seen it coming, “name your price.”

at first, you were only joking, but sunghoon caving in without even starting an argument beforehand was a sign that he was in deep, deep shit.

insinuating that he means business.

“I want free lunch for each day we practice until the tournament, and keep in mind, I'm on a very specific eating regimen.”

he scoffs, “free lunch? I’m not made of money.”

“you don't have to agree. I can just leave and—”

“never mind, I'll do it.”

and with that being settled, you tell him to get his money ready because the deal is on and there is no backing out now.

not wasting any time, you immediately tell sunghoon to meet back at the courts the next day. there's an uncomfortable tension in the air (as expected) so the two of you don't stall for long.

you start off with a couple stretches and simple drills, progressing into some warm ups of casually hitting the ball back and forth.

it's painfully silent so you think of something to say that will lighten the mood.

a chuckle escapes your throat, “you know, I can’t even remember the last time we’ve actually played against each other like this before.”

“I can. it was last year two months into the first semester and I won.”

you can only scratch your head. after that dry comment, you throw the thought of even attempting to be nice out the window.

especially when he continues to get on your last nerve, shouting backhanded remarks including but not limited to ‘since when were you not complete shit at serving?’ and 'congratulations for winning the first set, y/n! you usually always lose in the beginning. what was the probability on that again? ah yes, one in three!'

you make sunghoon's life a living hell for the following two weeks.

practice is so grueling that he wants to bury his body in vat of ice, you critiquing his every move on the court or during the next day over in the passing period where you inevitably meet at your lockers. sunghoon also learned the hard way that you wouldn't settle for anything other than your very specific eating regimen.

“you’re the worst” is what you recall him saying while handing you what felt like your millionth insanely detailed lunch order.

you smirked, “yet look who came to me begging.”

“last resort,” he reminded you.

“if you really loathed the idea of practicing with me so much, you would've dusted off the good ol' tennis ball machine, big boy.”

you got him there.

it takes an explanation from jay one day in class about how his best friend is on the verge of an ugly mental breakdown that you realize maybe you're being a little too harsh on the guy, which officially marks the day you decide to shed some mercy on park sunghoon.

“what's this?”

“it's gatorade, dumbass.”

“yeah, I know that,” he retorts, holding back what would be his fifth eye roll of the evening. “but why are you giving it to me?”

“you've been working hard,” you mutter begrudgingly, finding the tennis court bench particularly more interesting than sunghoon's curious gaze. “I just thought I'd do you a solid and save you the dollar-fifty since my lunch meals have been draining your savings account. don't think too much into it.”

you quickly spin on your heel and walk away to do some solo warms up, not noticing sunghoon popping open the cap of the gatorade bottle, unable to suppress a soft smile.

the remaining two weeks are surprisingly civil, internally confusing both you and sunghoon alike. it was like crossing unknown territory.

you had never gotten to know sunghoon outside of the microseconds he spent tormenting you. then before you can even process, you got to uncover the nicer side of him that you didn't know existed.

doing small deeds when you were in a bad mood, cracking an unsarcastic joke during practice, not complaining at every given opportunity, it was definitely out of the ordinary.

you invite him out to dinner a couple nights before the tournament, excusing the kind gesture by saying there was a new restaurant opening nearby and you just didn't want to check it out by yourself.

that statement was true to an extent.

you could've asked your teammate. in fact, it was one of your teammates that informed you about the restaurant in the first place.

but your deal with sunghoon was slowly coming to an end now that the tournament was right around the corner, and never in a million years would you think to utter these words, but you actually enjoyed spending time with him.

you're eating what you ordered along with some side dishes sunghoon wanted to split, striking up conversation with a question that has been sitting in the back of your mind.

“no, but really. why do you want to work yourself to death so badly? it’s not even our last year where we have to worry about entrance exams and the last of high school tennis tournaments. it’s just another spring.”

he breathily chuckles, “it’s not that deep. I just want to get ahead of you.”

“and you think you’re achieving this by training with me…?”

and that’s when he finally gets off his chest that his parents are making him quit if he doesn’t show improvement.

“I don't want to quit tennis. I may not be that good at it, but it's the only thing I have going on for me until I figure out what I actually want to do with my life.”

“don't think like that,” you frown. “I can tell that you're really passionate when you play; you always put in 110 percent. it may not be something you do forever, but there's nothing wrong with putting time into something that makes you happy. plus, the extra training has actually been working to your benefit. you've been improving like crazy! your hard work won't go to waste, I promise you.”

he gently lays his hand over yours from across the table, “thanks for cheering me up. I know it must be weird to comfort your annoying arch nemesis that you hate.”

“it's not weird. sure, you can be annoying sometimes, but it's kind of endearing,” you laugh. “and for the record, I never actually hated you.”

sunghoon awkwardly joins in on your laughter, “oh... haha, me neither.”

“you don't have to lie.”

and when sunghoon questions why you’ve been playing along all this time, the only thing you say is “have you seen how much my win rate has gone up since we’ve started competing to see who could get the most wins?”

he laughs but he doesn't know why he's feeling a little disappointed. like it's not because you're actually in love with him and have been secretly wanting to get closer?

and that's when he realizes two things: one, that his ego has been bruised, and two, that he may have somehow developed a very tiny not so tiny crush on you.

which is what leads sunghoon to go to team captain heeseung for advice.

he and heeseung weren't that close — since sunghoon only clings onto jay twenty-four seven — but heeseung was an amiable third year in a long term relationship with his girlfriend therefore making him the best option in sunghoon's eyes.

“so what you're telling me is that you're finally putting an end to this petty feud you've created because you’ve decided to catch feelings?”

“well, don't put it like that!” sunghoon whines, stubbornly crossing his arms over his chest.

heeseung eyes the boy suspiciously, “but did you seriously not have a crush on her this entire time? I thought the whole 'I hate your fucking guts' thing was just your form of flirting.”

sunghoon’s face wrinkles in repulsion, “what even made you come to that ridiculous conclusion?”

“dude, it's obvious! come on, at least admit that you were a little in denial — okay, okay, stop glaring at me. here, I'll even give you an example umm... got it! remember that one time? you once made fun of her all day for losing a practice match against another school that she cried, and when you felt bad, you snuck a teddy bear in her locker the next day.”

“...do people know about that?”

heeseung comes clean right then and there about how jay tends to air his drama to the entire team when he gets fed up with his best friend's antics (which was all the time) and sunghoon has never felt more mortified.

“don't be embarrassed,” heeseung smiles. “it was cute!”

at the comment, sunghoon still can't help but bury his head in his hands, taking a second to compose himself.

“okay, whatever. I'm confessing to her after the spring tournament. yeah, I'll do that.”

“good luck, bro,” heeseung gives him an encouraging pat on the back. “I hope everything works out.”

and all sunghoon can think about is that he hopes so too.

it's d-day, the spring tennis tournament.

you sign in at the outdoor table set up near the front of the venue when you feel a buzz from the pocket of your sports jacket. it was a message from sunghoon, a simple text that read 'good luck loser :)'

you giggle and type back a similar reply before slipping your phone into your tennis bag. the both of you were scheduled to play at the exact same time so you most likely wouldn't see him until you finish.

you stick with your parents who came to support and talk to some of your teammates in the meantime.

right when you're done playing later on in the day, you rush to the court where sunghoon's playing and see that it's almost over, the scoring in sunghoon's favor.

he spots you watching him and smirks as he serves one last time before winning the entire match.

he shakes hands with his opponent and collects his things, running over to you immediately when he's done.

you clap once he's standing in front of you, “you won!”

“what about you? how did your match go?”

“I won too! we did it!”

you hug sunghoon out of excitement and it takes an painstakingly long moment of realization to pull away once you see that you're hugging the life out of him.

“sorry,” you apologize, shoving you hands into your skirt pockets.

“n-no, it's fine.”

he's about to ask if he can tell you something important, but before he can, someone taps you on your shoulder.

you turn around and it's jungwon, the cute first year that played for a neighboring school. you always saw him on the small set of bleachers watching your matches.

he briefly congratulates you on your win to which you thank him for his sincere compliments, while sunghoon is quietly standing behind you with his arms crossed.

“can I talk to you?”

you nod, a bit confused, “sure, what about?”

jungwon coyly rubs the sides of his arms before clarifying, “ah, in private I mean.”

most people had deserted the area after the matches ended, leaving sunghoon the only other person within proximity.

sunghoon lets out a dramatic sigh, “I'll leave.”

that's what he says, but really, he only swings behind a nearby corner and stiffens his body like a tree.

you turn back to jungwon once you think sunghoon has left and detect movement from the corner of your eye.

he has a small bouquet of daisies in his hands — where they came from? you have no clue — and peppermint breath spray tucked into his back pocket. a sweat towel is casually draped over his right shoulder, the boy's baby blue tennis uniform complimenting his newly dyed dark blue hair, and he confesses to you.

he gushes about how much he admires your strong determination and work ethic, that he's always found you pretty and loves cheering you on during your games.

sunghoon wants to throw up in his mouth listening to that whole speech.

your reaction isn’t very stellar either, but that’s rather because you’re at a loss of words. never in your life have you ever been confessed to before, and it was even more nerve racking to be thinking of ways to let the poor boy down gently.

you’re so nervous that your hands are shaking, which in sunghoon's mind, makes him only makes want to walk right up and grab them.

sunghoon had almost forgotten that this is how you normally act around people.

you shakily return the flowers jungwon had given you, “I'm sorry...”

jungwon, despite feeling dejected, takes the rejection well. though sunghoon isn't really paying attention because he spaces out due to the relief entering his system at the fact he still had a chance with you.

eventually, he comes back to reality once jungwon's footsteps can be heard leaving the area, realizing that he has approximately five seconds to get the fuck out of there because you're about to walk in the opposite direction of jungwon, which happens to be right where sunghoon has been eavesdropping.

though while trying to back away undetected, sunghoon clumsily trips over his own feet, revealing himself from his hiding spot. you snap you heads towards the sound, eyes widening in surprise.

for a moment, the two of you can only stare at each other in shock.

“how long have you uhhh... been standing there?”

“what do you mean?” sunghoon pretends to look around as if he had bumped into you by coincidence. “I just got here. why, did something happen?”

an unconvinced expression sits on your face, “you heard all that, didn't you?”

“heard what?”

“that I'm going out with yang jungwon next weekend.”

“what?” sunghoon's eyes look like they're about to pop out of their sockets. “but I thought you just turned him down!”

he had easily taken the bait, falling right into your trap.

you click your tongue, “sunghoon, you really are so bad at lying to the point that it's sad.”

sunghoon's cheeks are burnt a fiery red as he sulks, “so just to be sure, you're not going out with yang jungwon next weekend, right?”

you snort, “don't tell me you're jealous?”

“and if I am?”

there's a long pause, and for the first time since the tennis racket incident, you look flustered in front of him.

your hair curtains the sides of your face and you’re frozen like a statue, nervously nibbling at your lower lip, and sunghoon thinks that you look so breathtakingly adorable.

I really do have a crush on this girl, huh?

sunghoon clears his throat, swirling a patch of dirt on the ground with the tip of his tennis shoe as he diverts his gaze there like it's the most fascinating thing on earth.

“I may not have flowers or anything fancy like that, but I like you.”

and a wide grins spreads across your face as you tell him those last three words back.

main masterlist

[lovebykai]

Feel Good Drag

》 Pretty Girl - Part 3

Word Count: 4.2K

Warning(s): Random Necessary OCs. Smut. Non-Consensual Recording. Dub-Con? Toxic Behavior. Mentions of Violence. Reader Is A Bitch. Emotional Sadomasochism. Masturbation.

Pairing: Ran x Fem!Reader x Rindou

Authors Note: FINALLY. God, I've had some of these scenes in my head since I wrote the first part and I just went, "No, these deserve a whole fic, no drabbles." Hope you guys appreciate it.

You moved on.

After Toman disbanded and the Haitani brothers ended up doing more time, you realized if you didn't get out right then you were never going to. Did you really want to be a delinquent all your life? Spend years waiting on those two to bounce back to you? No, no you didn't.

So you got some therapy, a decent job, and got the fuck out of Roppongi.

"So you're going out with us tonight, right?" You looked to the ceiling for patience as your coworker threw her arms around your shoulders and peered at you with a grin.

She was fun. Mischievous and adventurous and the polar opposite of you; that huge difference in personality was what made the two of you work. Lately she was super hung up on the idea of coaxing you into a threesome with her boyfriend and it had become something of a joke. It'd probably be a fun experience if the news of them getting out a month ago hadn't rendered you unable to think about anything else.

Did they know you'd run? Were they looking for you? Did they miss you?

"Leave Y/N alone, Yui." Her boyfriend tugged her to him, laughing. He was a genuinely nice guy, and that was half the problem. You had yet to figure out what his appeal was. Fuck, you couldn't even remember his name.

"But babe!" Yui whined, pouting at you when he just rolled his eyes affectionately, and you offered her a grin.

"It's that new club in Roppongi! C'mon, it'll be so much fun. Please? Sai is gonna buy our drinks." She wiggled her eyebrows and her boyfriend gave her an incredulous look.

"I am?" You couldn't help but laugh as you finished unpacking the new merchandise, eyeing some of the sleazy dresses. It might be fun.

"Fine, you can bring what's-his-face too." The one sided negotiation was finally starting to amuse you.

"You mean my boyfriend?" Yui looked so scandalized you snorted in laughter, shaking your head and thumbing a particularly skimpy dress.

"God, you made it official? But you guys have, like, no chemistry."

"He's a good guy." It was natural to defend him.

He was a text book definition good guy, in fact. So far removed from your type that he may as well be on a different planet. But he was going to be a lawyer and took you to nice restaurants. His family was sweet. White picket fence with two kids and a dog was what he expected, and you were prepared to deliver on it.

Because that was normal.

"He's boring, and he'll make you miserable. Mark my words, Y/N, he's not the one." When you didn't engage the line of conversation, she went back to trying to weasel an agreement from you.

What if you run into them? The thought shouldn't have sent your heart racing, and you clicked your tongue in annoyance. How would you know if your coping skills were working if you didn't test them? That was reasonable, right? Right?

And... you should say goodbye, right? Sure, they'd spent more time away from you than with you, but the bond you three had was intense. It'd be disrespectful to just ghost them. Yep. That made sense.

"As long as you're letting me mooch off you all night, cause I'm broke as fuck 'til next Friday." You finally sighed, smirking when she squealed and agreed, bouncing on her heels.

* * *

Your boyfriend had tests to study for, which was fine because you really didn't want him there anyway, and neither did Yui. Not that you'd ever admit it; you feigned just enough disappointment to be socially acceptable while she chattered about how cute the little pink dress you'd bought was.

The back was open and it barely covered your thighs, which left you looking a bit slutty with your heels, but that was kinda the point. A quick 'wish you were here' selfie for your busy boyfriend and viola! you were free of your obligation to cater to his disappointment.

Thus, Yui started plying you with alcohol.

You danced and laughed and took videos. Fuck, you even let her grind on you for her man's viewing pleasure before he hauled her off to the bathroom after a confirmation that, no, you were not interested in participating.

It was hard pretending you gave a fuck about any of it. The monotony was mind-numbing. Work, eat, sleep, and occasionally go out with friends. You were missing the adrenaline rush of a fight, or the comradery you'd had with Toman, even.

You'd finished your drink, enjoying being just this side of drunk and scrolling through facebook to occupy your thoughts for a bit. You doubted what's-his-fuck -- someday you'd remember his name, you vowed, because that's what normal friends did -- would keep Yui gone for long, but it was never fun being left alone in a dimly lit nightclub booth.

"This seat taken?" You hummed noncommittally, chin propped up in your palm.

Kou: Come over tonight? I miss you. :(

The text actually made you cringe. Maybe he wasn't the one you should be settling for. Surely there were some normal guys that weren't quite... this bland. There wasn't even anything wrong with him. On paper he was perfect marriage material. Why were you like this?

Y/N: Sure! I'll text when we leave. :)

With that painful exchange done, you looked up to see if the guy really had decided to sit with you and promptly dropped your phone. It clattered loudly and you winced, hoping you hadn't just fucked the screen up.

"Ran!?" He was mimicking your previous pose with an amused expression, batting long lashes at you teasingly.

"Y/N." Sliding you a drink, he smiled and you returned the gesture broadly.

"Well, that's embarrassing. Hi, how've you been?" You laughed sheepishly, pressing a hand to your heated cheek.

"I've been just lovely, sweetheart, how about you? Anything interesting happen while we were away?" Practically vibrating in your seat, you took a sip of his offering before licking your lips. Man, you were too drunk to properly combat the urge to preen under his gaze as it dipped to your exposed cleavage.

"Mm, got a job, moved into a shitty apartment, made some friends." You shrugged after ticking off the main points, popping the straw back into your mouth so you didn't start nibbling your fingers. Without really thinking about it, you folded your arms beneath your chest and leaned against the table. The way his gaze flickered back down to look caught your attention though.

"... Got a boyfriend." That one was a dig; you were curious to see if he reacted at all to the news. The only indication he'd heard was the slight dimming of his smile, but even that was so miniscule if you hadn't been staring so intently you'd have missed it.

"Oh?"

That was it. Oh.

"Mhmm." Your smile was threatening to become a smirk. The silence wasn't uncomfortable; you took a moment just to bask in his presence.

Your therapist had told you that you weren't in love with them. That you had an unhealthy codependency; you had somehow managed to fall into hero worshiping them for standing up for you as children.

You begged to differ.

"Do I know him?" Violet eyes were shining eerily; you knew you were probably swooning, but he was so fixated on the idea of you being in a relationship that he wouldn't notice.

"Nope. He's in school to be a lawyer, though, so you might in a couple years." That dig had been an accident. The filter between your brain and mouth had apparently shut off at some point. Rans eyebrows shot up, but his grin only widened.

"You seem like you've got something to say." He commented laughingly and it doused your amusement.

"Just that I'm done with the gangster shit. I don't want to be involved in it. I like my life the way it is now."

"That sounds a lot like you're breaking up with me, little lamb." It was said teasingly -- because it wasn't as if you could really even be called together in any capacity anymore -- but his smile was gone. The narrowing of his eyes forced yours down to the drink you were sipping at.

Your therapist would have been proud of you for confronting this problem. Maybe not the way you'd went about it, but the closure would do you good. You were an addict, and the Haitani brothers had been your drug of choice. Being around them was a shitty idea, and you needed to make it clear that you didn't want them around.

It was a lie, but you'd worked too fucking hard to get yourself back on track in life to let them fuck this up for you.

Boundaries. You were setting boundaries.

"I guess I am." The words instantly killed your good mood. It was like someone had hit you in the gut; Rans eyes widened in surprise and the urge to chew at your fingertips couldn't be ignored anymore.

You wanted to take it back.

Something in you was twisting and clawing and burning as you moved to stand on shaking legs. No. No. Nononono-- before you could slip away, his hand darted out and you were hauled back. The edge of the table caught your hip; the hiss of pain drowned out by the thump of the bass as Ran dragged you sideways into his lap.

"No." His arms may as well have been steel beams for all your squirming to escape did.

"No? You can't just say no, Ran! That's not how this works."

"Like Hell it isn't. You're ours." It was growled out as his nails dug into your hips; the shudder that rattled your form made him let out a soft huff of satisfaction.

"I can't do this with you right now," You wished your voice wasn't wavering, it would have helped make your case. "I don't want to, and I don't have to. Let go!" Kicking your legs petulantly didn't make his grip loosen at all but you were vaguely aware you probably flashed some fortunate souls.

"Fuck that!" Ran gripped your jaw hard enough you suspected it would bruise and forced you to look up at him. "You think you're going to find someone better and run off? Think you're too good for me and Rin anymore?"

"Yeah, thats exactly what I'm doing, you asshole. They'll be better for me and I won't end up getting the shit kicked out of me on the daily, or waiting around for you two to get done doing time!"

"They'll be better for you, maybe, but not like us. Nobody will ever love you like we do, Y/N."

The sound of Rindous calm voice cut through the noise of the club and you felt the stupid starry-eyed look coming over your face.

Love?

They loved--

"What? That all you needed to hear? Way to be basic, babygirl." Ran clicked his tongue, licking his lips when you tried to jerk your face out of his grip. It was half-hearted. If you'd really wanted to fight back it wasn't as though you didn't remember how to throw a punch.

Rindous fingers danced along your exposed spine and the tension began leaking out of your body completely; Rans punishing grip loosened. You couldn't help it-- you'd missed them.

You always missed them. That was the problem in the first fucking place.

"There's my good girl." His thumb traced your lower lip pensively for a breath before you bit it softly. It was an impulse you couldn't resist with him so close, and the way his eyes darkened in response had you squirming on his lap.

"Y/N?" Yuis gasp gave you the push you needed to jerk away from him.

Rindou sidestepped when you scrambled from the booth with a soft curse, mortification sparking in your chest. Turning a sneer their way, you grabbed your friends arm to start pushing her away from them.

Great. Worlds colliding. Fun.

"I'm not your anything." Except you were and the fact all your hard work to build yourself up was being chipped away by their mere presence was pissing you off.

Ran just snickered, long arms draping across the back of the booth and legs sprawling out beneath the too-small table. When your eyes -- the fucking traitors -- rolled down his body appreciatively, stalling out at the bulge in his jeans for a beat too long to be appropriate, you wished that the room was darker.

"This was obviously a bad time," Rindou commented as your thighs pressed together at the sudden bolt of arousal. "Here, just take our number in case you need something and we can talk another time, alright, bunny?" The nickname earned him a whimper that you couldn't quite swallow; the smirk he gave you as he grabbed your phone off the table made you dizzy. Bastards.

When he proceeded to guess your password you barked out an incredulous laugh, but you didn't try to stop him from putting in their contacts. You should have. That'd be the smart thing to do.

But if these men didn't make you fucking stupid.

"See you soon."

* * *

You were angry-- stupidly, irrationally angry when you showed up at your boyfriends apartment. Honestly, you couldn't even remember the walk there -- besides the fact Yui had thought the whole evening was hilarious as she caught a cab with Sai -- but when you let yourself inside and kicked your heels off Kou was sitting on his couch and you just snapped.

You were upset and horny and he was there-- it wasn't fucked up to have sex with him cause someone else pushed your buttons, right? After another moment you realized you didn't even care as long as you could scratch the itch. Mr. Normal could manage that much for you, surely.

"Hey!" He looked over and did a double take, eyes widening in a way that might have made you laugh if you weren't counting backwards from ten over and over. "O-Oh, you look--"

A devious idea popped into your head; you decided to quit thinking so hard as you pulled up the camera on your phone. You propped it up on the coffee table and promptly straddled him, not even checking to make sure the angle was right.

Ten.

Your lips met his harshly, grinding down against him. It took seconds for him to harden beneath you as you tugged the dress off over your head.

Nine.

"Oh." He whimpered when you tugged on his lower lip with your teeth, reaching down to hurriedly undo his pants. He whimpered. Gag.

Eight.

None of it was right. His hair was too short; you petted the strands anyway, catching what you could and tugging softly. The asshole didn't even have the sense to line himself up or anything. You realized rapidly you wouldn't be able to cum like this, but you'd be damned if you didn't try just because his last name wasn't Haitani.

Seven.

You didn't mean to roll your eyes when he started kissing at your shoulder, but seriously. There wasn't even any tongue. Did you have to do everything? Luckily you didn't need much prep thanks to your time in the club -- not that you'd ever admit it -- but he could at least do better than that.

Six.

The red haze wasn't even getting better. If anything, the fact you weren't currently on one of their laps was making you angrier. You dropped your hand back down, stroking him a few times before tugging your panties to one side, ready to be done with this whole ordeal but to nice to just leave the man hanging.

Five.

"Y/N--" His voice was wrong, so you forced his head back and pressed your lips together again. At least he caught up enough to grip your hips as you sank down onto him, even if he didn't try to control the way you rocked your hips. It did feel good, at least, stretching you well enough you let out a soft sigh of relief.

Four.

Honestly, this was probably a shock to his system, seeing as the only position you two had ever fucked in was missionary, but wasn't most of this instinct? Your hand curled around the back of his neck, digging your nails in just to make him hiss. Maybe you could get off if he could just--

Three.

"Ouch! Hold on, sweetie, slow down--" He managed to flex his fingers, but let you keep bouncing on his dick despite his protests. God, you hated this guy. No, fuck, you didn't hate him. You didn't. Realizing he wasn't going to last very long, you dipped your fingers down and strummed at your clit desperately.

Two.

He came with a whine that grated on you, but you had enough of a conscience to pet him through it like you gave a damn about how he was feeling. You couldn't even borrow his cock and pretend he was someone else to get off, but sure, let's make sure he gets the warm fuzzies. Your high was gone, so you bit back a growl of frustration and tugged your fingers from your panties.

One.

Climbing off his lap and cutting the video, you could have cried. It was three goddamn minutes.

"What was that about?" Your boyfriend asked, breathless, as he tucked himself back into his pants; hitting send, you smirked to yourself before turning to him.

"Just missed you tonight. I'm gonna go clean up." It was a few minutes before he responded, and luckily you were still in the bathroom.

Ran: My poor little lamb. I'd love to help you out, but I'm kinda busy.

The video you got in return nearly made you crack a tooth. The strands of blond wrapped around his fingers, bobbing against his crotch under the flashing lights of the club made your hands shake.

Suddenly, he made a fist and you whimpered when he forced her down roughly. The sound of her gagging nearly made you black out with rage and envy.

The camera flipped around and suddenly you were looking at Rans smug, shit-eating grin before it cut off.

Y/N: Fuck you.

You played it again, eyes watering in rage and an uncomfortable neediness that you didn't want to be feeling before slipping your fingers back into your underwear. The tears slipped free as you braced against the wall, playing the damn thing over and over and over until--

A gasp of relief left you when your knees shook, the orgasm somehow managing to line up perfectly with his smug fucking smile.

Mine.

Ran: Awh, are you mad? That's too bad.

Ran: Make sure you tell your little boyfriend I said he's welcome.

* * *

"I-I'm sorry, what?" You were more shocked than hurt as you stood at the foot of the hospital bed. It had been almost a week since you'd bumped into the Haitanis. Things between you and Kou had been going well. Normal. Everything had seemed normal.

"We should break up." He wouldn't even look at you. Probably thinking you were going to burst into tears or something, but you were slowly putting shit together in your head.

"Why?" You willed him to be honest, trying to drill a hole in the side of his head with your eyes. He'd said it was a mugging gone wrong when the cops had shown up, and you'd -- naively, perhaps -- believed him because he was kind of soft.

"Everything's just... too much. I'm too stressed out between school and work and now this a-and-- honestly, Y/N, I don't think we're a great fit."

Liar.

"I understand." Because you did. You even got the parts he wasnt saying, like: "Hey some asshole with a baton beat me stupid because you didn't dump me, isn't that nuts?"

You didn't bother with anything else, letting him think you were just too upset to say goodbye as you hurried out of the hospital. Whipping your phone out, you dialed Ran before your indignation died out.

"Yes, darling?"

"Have you lost your fucking mind? What if he tells the cops you complete fucking idi--"

"Whoa, there, baby, slow down. What are you chewing me out about?" He interrupted, sounding more serious as you tried to control your volume.

"My ex-boyfriend is in the hospital." You bit out and there was a long silence. Just as you went to make sure the call hadn't dropped, there was a sudden bout of laughter.

"And the first thing you did was start lecturing me on getting caught? I knew you still cared." He cooed and you winced. Yeah, okay, that was probably shitty of you.

"No worries, little lamb, it wasn't me."

"I call bullshit."

"Cross my heart. You're barking up the wrong tree. Personally I'm a little sad I won't get anymore videos of you--"

"Goodbye, Ran." With that you hung up with burning cheeks, glaring at the phone as though it was somehow to blame. Much more hesitantly, you eyed Rindous contact.

Surely he wouldn't have. He'd been so calm at the club, and hadn't bothered you a single time since. But Kous arm had been broken, and you'd missed the explanation on that so-- so maybe--

You hit dial before you could change your mind.

"Did you do it?" You immediately spit out in lieu of a greeting when he picked up, too scared you would lose your nerve if he spoke first.

"Yes." Leave it to Rindou not to beat around the bush.

"You're gonna get caught." The fact tears prickled at your eyes was completely out of frustration and had nothing to do with the despair that suddenly washed over you.

They could drone on and on about being together all they wanted, but the more they did stupid shit like this the more certain you were that the three of you would never get anywhere. Even if you did decide that you wanted a relationship with them, where was it even going to go with them sitting in a fucking cell for most of it?

"Where are you?" Rindou asked simply as you swiped your eyes irritably and looked around. The fact you'd been wandering aimlessly like this was a bit embarrassing, and it took a minute to orient yourself enough to give him an answer.

"Give me five minutes. Don't move." He hung up before you could bite out something rude, and while you were tempted to disobey, your feet stayed planted right where you were. You wrapped your arms around your middle, counting backwards slowly and swiping the random, offending tear.

"Shit, are you crying? Bunny, c'mere." Rindou gently grabbed the nape of your neck and led you towards a nearby alley before wrapping you up in his arms. Despite your best efforts, you couldn't contain your sniffling; he stroked your spine gently even though you refused to hug him back.

"Look, I didn't realize you really liked the guy that much. Ran showed me the--"

"You think-- you think that's why I'm--?" A slightly hysterical sob burst out of you, followed by bitter laughter.

You grasped your sudden anger -- anger at him, and Ran, and yourself -- and shoved away from him roughly. Rindou didn't even look distressed when you gave into the urge to shove him again, letting out a strangled screech.

"I'm mad because you're an idiot! Because you and your fucking brother just breeze in and out of my life like no matter what you're just entitled to my lo--" You had the sense to halt that confession, turning your back on him to start pacing.

"And now you're gonna get into more shit and you'll be gone again and--"

"Y/N, look at me."

"Fuck no! You're stupid and this is stupid and I don't even know why I'm here--" Rindou stepped into your path, grasping your face in his hands and pressing a hard kiss to your mouth. You instinctively stepped back, inhaling sharply and he pressed forward, walking you backwards until you collided with brick.

"Not gonna leave you again." It was a distracted mutter against your lips; your hands gripped at the fabric of his shirt, pulling his mouth back to yours with a groan.

"Liar." Won't leave. Loves me. Lovesmelovesmelovesme--

"Promise."

Mine. Just as he leaned in again, a phone started ringing and you actually whined when he leaned back to answer it.

"What?" Rindou listened for a moment, eyes locked on yours as he caressed your face with his free hand.

"I'm with her now, actually. Yeah, yeah." He rolled his eyes, and you smiled softly to yourself. His thumb shifted around to your lips and you nipped at it, earning a smirk.

"Fine, whatever. Bye, Ran." Much like his brother had done before, Rindou pressed his thumb against your mouth and you opened for him. This time, however, you swirled your tongue around it, and he visibly shuddered as he pulled back.

"Not the first time, pretty girl." You scoffed, rolling your eyes at the grin he was wearing and rubbing furiously at your face.

Bastards.

《 Part Two 《

》 Part Four 》

Taglist: @selfishwitch, @youpieceofwasabi