#because here was this kids mom trying to make sure her kid didn’t bully the disabled kid

[mother-ofthe-universedraws]

Based on true events

[canthelpit0]

Silent

Pairing: Matt x reader

Wordcount: 1.8k +

Summary: you’ve always quietly watched the triplets, silently wishing you could be a part of a group like them. Until you and Matt talk for the first time…

Warnings: selective mutism, anxiety, crying, angst, praise, no use of y/n, no oc

(Disclaimer: I’m not mute in any way. This was a request from an anon that I accidentally deleted. Hope you like it ! Requests are open)

I developed selective mutism pretty early on. My mom says that I didn’t talk even back in kindergarten.

But it’s been years now.

I can talk, and I can’t shut the fuck up for the life of me. I talk a lot, even have full conversations with myself.

Just not at school, or around new people. God, especially not in school.

It’s not like I want to be the ‘ weird’ mute kid. I would love to talk and make friends, I just physically can’t open my mouth and talk.

It even took months for me to utter simple words to my therapist, tho by this point I’ve known her for years and I’m pretty comfortable.

There are these triplets in my grade. We’ve always gone to the same school, but I don’t think they ever noticed me.

Well the first time I noticed them was in first grade, because there were three of them. Of corse my six year old self didn’t understand the concept of multiples back then, and I really wanted to ask, and talk to them. I really thought they were cool.

The first time I interacted with any of them tho was when I was in fourth grade and Nick had asked to use my dark green pencil since he only had light green and needed both dark and light.

Back in fourth grade I wasn’t just selectively mute, but also really shy. So I’d just looked down and stared at the desk giving him a small nod.

In freshmen year I shared a class with Nick again, he asked me for a pen, wich I gave to him.

Despite not having talked to him once in my entire life, he remembered my name. Wich isn’t too shocking since we’ve always been around each other, I was just kinda in the shadows.

He actually gave me that pen back. Most other people would’ve forgotten and just taken it, but Nick didn’t and I appreciated that.

I only ever interacted with Nick those two times. despite sharing a few classes with both Chris and Matt over the years, I’ve probably never even held eye contact with either of them.

I’ve been watching everyone.

Bullying isn’t really a thing. Sure there were some hurtful comments by jocks here and there but it really wasn’t as bad as in the movies.

Besides I think most people forget i even exist so they don’t even bother bullying me.

I’ve had my eye on Matt for a while. Not in a weird way. But Matt seems to pretty obviously have anxiety too. I don’t know if he’s open about it, I’m not in his friend circle.

But every time I’m feeling overwhelmed and we’re in the same room, I unconsciously glance at him to see if he feels the same or if I’m just going crazy.

Chris seems to be the loudest and most extroverted one. And while yes, Nick seems pretty extroverted too, Chris seems more… random? Bold?

I sulk in the back of the class my lips pulled into a tight line as I try to get myself together.

There is literally no reason for me to be feeling like this. Honestly no one has tried to talk to me today, nothing happened, I just feel so overwhelmed.

I raise my hand just slightly. I make eye contact with the teacher. Mrs. Evans. I literally love her, she’s so kind.

Her son is apparently mute too.

When I was diagnosed with selective mutism they thought it’d be a great idea to make me learn sign language just in case, and that’s just what I did.

Since Mrs. Evans son is mute, her son, as well as her and her husband also learned sign language.

So whenever I needed something I could sign to her. Not that I wouldn’t be too embarrassed too.

Our eyes lock. Everyone was working on some paper I should also be doing, but I’m too busy hyperventilating.

I let my hand drop on my desk and glance at the door quietly asking if I can go to the nurses office since I was too tired and ashamed to sign it to her.

She gives me a pitying smile but nods. I hate pity, but then again that’s better than getting told im faking.

I look around the class of students. I get up, as quiet as I can. I pack up my little stuff and quietly walk to the front of the class. I nod in appreciation and walk outside.

I stare at the ground while I walk down the hallway. I sigh.

I feel my eyes start to water and I bite the inside of my cheek.

Honestly I should probably go to the nurses office to get checked out, just so I can leave. But I don’t think I can handle communicating with another human.

I feel like I’m about to break down. I continue to walk down the hallway clutching the straps of my bag harshly.

I consider if driving home even is a good idea seeing as I’m about to have a mental breakdown. Or-

Suddenly I bump into someone.

I close my eyes trying not to cry right then. I don’t know who I bumped into but I want to apologize, but I know that I can’t, and since I don’t know who I bumped into I don’t know if it’s someone who’ll be mean about it or-

I’m taken off guard by a gentle brush to my upper arm.

“You’re good, it’s okay” I hear a soft voice say. I can feel my lip quivering, I feel like if I open my eyes the tears brimming at my waterline will actually fall.

“can you open your eyes?” It sounds more like a question, and that voice sounds painfully familiar but I can’t quite place it.

I want to tell him that I can’t, that I’ll cry if I do and I’ll feel even more embarrassed. But my curiosity takes over me.

So I slightly blink open my eyes. I don’t open my eyes fully, just enough to see the person through my tears.

It’s Matt, looking down at me all concerned.

I blink my eyes open. at the sight I watch his expression relax just slightly.

He himself looks overwhelmed, and honestly I don’t know if it’s because of how I’m acting, or if he had a shitty day himself.

“You okay?” He sighs slightly. I watch as he licks his lips and swallows thickly.

I take in another deep breath trying to calm down. I nod just slightly, but while I do the tears in my eyes finally spill.

I feel my hot tears run down my face. Matt’s eyes immediately widen and his mouth opens slightly like he thinks it’s his fault.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, no please don’t cry.” He holds up his hands in front of my face as if he wanted to wipe my tears away but was holding himself back because he didn’t know my boundaries.

He looked miserable, like he was about to cry himself. And I just know that something this wouldn’t have him emotional like this on a normal day. At least I don’t think it would. But he seemed to be overwhelmed as well.

I scrunch my nose slightly sniffling in response. I glance back up at him and the sorrow in his eyes makes me want to sink into myself. I breathe out shakily.

Before I know it I’m bringing my hands up to my face and covering it. I tilt my head forward trying to stop crying, because crying in the school halls is just pathetic.

“I’m sorry. Fuck- can I touch you?” I hear his frantic voice. I appreciate that he asked first. I want a hug, but then again I don’t know Matt. But he just seems so genuine.

I overthink not responding to his question. My thoughts spiral at the sound of the sweet nothings and apologies leaving his mouth, only being back round noise.

Matt seems to notice that I’m starting to spiral. I feel his hand tenderly touch my wrist. I flinch slightly, and as soon as I do I feel him retract his hand.

Everybody deals with anxiety differently, some people like to be physically grounded others liked to be comforted some other way and I just knew that Matt was trying to figure out what to do without overstepping.

I’d tell him that it’s okay, or that he can hug me, but I literally can’t speak and I feel too embarrassed to let him see my teary face.

“I’m sorry, I’m-“ I hear Matt let out a breath. I know an anxiety breath when I hear one, he is panicking.

I decide to bite the bullet, what’s the worst that can happen. I look up slightly and peak through my fingers.

His hands are up and frozen. He looks almost frantic, Matt looks like the only way he knows how to ground me is by hugging me or something, but he seems unsure if that’s okay.

Despite myself I let out a little nod. Matt lets out another breath but this time he actually touches me, and I don’t flinch.

He holds my wrist and gently pulls my hands off of my face.

I let out a shaky sigh. I can’t help it when I let my head fall forward.

“It’s okay.” He says sweetly under his breath. He puts his hand under my chin as he picks my face up. Our eyes lock. I see the way Matt is also crying, tears running down his face too and I relax just a little.

He never seemed like the type to make fun of someone for crying, but especially not now.

“You wanna go to my car?” He says softly, not in a way where he is forcing me to do anything, but rather offering.

And honestly as upset as i am I have to weigh my options. Would I rather cry in the school hallways or in Matt’s car?

The best option would be to go to the bathroom, but Matt wouldn’t be able to come with, and honestly I would feel too bad leaving him alone at this point.

So I nod.

I feel Matt’s arm go around my shoulders as he hugs me for a moment. He turns me, and starts walking in a way where his arm is still around my shoulder keeping me close to him.

We walk out to the parking lot. I watch as Matt unlocks the car and opens the door for me to enter.

And by this point, if I go out this way so be it…

Before i can even register Matt is also getting into the backseat next to me.

We just look at each other for a moment. He breathes out another anxiety sigh.

“You want a hug?” And with that I don’t really know if he’s asking for me, or to comfort himself. But regardless I nod.

I feel his arms come around me and I sink into the feeling of his hug.

I’m uncertain if by tomorrow he’ll act like this all never happened, or if he’ll try to get to know me, because I’ve been wanting to know him for a while and I would more then gladly let him.

Masterlist

A/n: I know this is really short and I’ve been uploading a lot of angst recently. But I’ve been feeling sad, and every time I do write smut it’s for Kinktober. Soon you’ll get smut tho. Also this ended up a lot like crybaby. <3

‼️please don’t copy my work/idea‼️

Taglist: @muwapsturniolo , @sturnad , @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 , @evie-sturns , @me09love , @fratbrochrisgf , @spideylovin , @chrissgirlsstuff , @stunza , @whicked-hazlatwhore , @sturniooolos , @ecliphttlunar , @orangeypepsi , @klaus223492 , @char112244 , @sst7niolo , @slut4chriss , @mattsturniololoverr , @th3-3d3n-g4rd3n , @st7rnioioss , @t1llysblogs , @nonat-111 , @blahbel668 , @rockstarchr1s , @sturnsintrouble , @nayveetbhh , @tillies33ssss , @sturncakez , @strnilo , @somegirlfromasgard , @mattslovelygf , @sturnsmaeve , @sturnstvr , @lucianastrun , @jnkvivi , @jamiesturniolo , @chr1sgirl4life

[bobbin-buckley]

Partners

Astrid Deetz x Masc!Fem!Reader

Summary: Astrid finds a partner to survive college and her classmates

Warnings: Some bullying, fluff, some mentions of almost dying, some spoilers from the movie, homophobia, horrible flirting, fluff at the end!

e/c: eye color

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She found herself wandering the darkened aisles of the college’s library, fingertips brushing against the spines of of each book that have been sitting there for so long some dust falls. She received an assignment regarding Shakespeare, it was basically a detention assignment due to her arguing with her teacher about some disagreements.

When reaching for the book she needed, her warm hand collided with a cold one. Turning her head to look up at the taller figure, she saw you. Now you weren’t popular or anything, but for it being a small college and town she could easily recognize you.

Astrid furred her eyebrows, politely asking you to let go. “I’ve found this book first,” she said in a stern tone.

You glanced down at her. She could notice your attractive state, you were very pretty. Astrid’s brown eyes stared into your e/c, and damn she felt like love at first sight really hit her.

Your voice cut off her trance, “It’s okay, I’m sure you need it more than me.” Your hand moved from the book and her hand, she pouted a bit at the absence of your hand against hers.

Grabbing the book still, she tilted her head slightly…examining you and your features. “Yeah, I do need it more than you. Thanks…” she paused, realizing how shitty that sounded. “Anyways, what’s your name?”

“Y/n,” you answered, “and you?” The more you looked at her the more familiar she became, I mean..yes of course she goes to the same college as you. But you don’t exactly observe the people around you, especially the quiet ones.

She bit her lip, your voice was sexy. Her grip tightened on the book, trying to stay focused. “Astrid,” she answered before asking. “Hm, you just look familiar, have we met?”

“Now that you mention your name, aren’t you the kid that keeps getting picked on by those goons right?” Well that was definitely out there, not that she took any offense to it. She was getting bullied by some of the other schoolgirls, they’d put a Halloween prop in her dorm to scare her, which never works.

“Yeah, I am. I also wish those idiots would stop it.” She sighed, not really wanting to think about them.

“I get that, well I can deal with them if you want,” you offered. She was shocked, never ever did she think anyone would be willing to protect her. Besides maybe her mom, if she was even here.

“It’s fine, really.” Astrid shook her head, she didn’t want to see your pretty face get hurt.

All you did was nod, putting your hands in the pockets of your school pants. “Well uh…just let me know. And if you need help school wise I’m happy to, Shakespeare isn’t easy.” You walked off through the aisle with a smile, disappearing when turning the corner.

Sigh

How was she going to get over you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was never going to get over you.

You were just too damn sweet and perfect! She couldn’t handle the way you smile, the way your eyes beamed into hers and your voice was incredibly attractive!

Astrid wasn’t sure what she was going to do about it, she said she wasn’t going to fall in love like her mom. She didn’t want to be anything like her mom. Even if she did, she might end up getting a divorce if she does ever get married..would that happen with you?

“Ugh, this is so frustrating.” Astrid said under her breath, she’s spent at least two hours now doing all this research and shit.

Normally she does okay when doing school work, but why couldn’t she think? It was because she was thinking of you, fuck.

She took a deep breath, and began to gather her stuff. Maybe if studying with you would help make her less distracted?

Wrong. Absolutely Wrong

Astrid left her dorm, locking it and making sure those pricks won’t get in like last time and prank her. Though when she turned around and headed for the stairs, a book came skimming across the wooden floor, ironically ending up right under her foot causing her to slip and trip down the stairs.

She gasped, her book bag flew down with her. She expected to hit the ground and be dead, but she felt warm arms around her, preventing her from dying.

“Hey you okay?” Astrid looked up, seeing how it was some guy who caught her. She wasn’t sure why, and she was disappointed for some reason.

“Uh..yeah I’m fine,” she backed up from the guy and brushed off her skirt. Then the uproarious sounds of laughter were heard from behind her up the stairs where she slipped. It was the girls that harassed her, they were laughing with tears in their eyes.

Astrid rolled her eyes, a flash of red flashing over her cheeks in embarrassment. She looked back up at the guy.

“How’s your leg? You slipped pretty hard,” he held her hips..for some reason trying to get closer to her.

Astrid backed up again, bending down to pick up all her stuff as he tried to help. “I said I’m fine, thanks.” She said a bit more aggressive, she wasn’t mad at him..just at those girls.

“Well uh..” he started again.

God can’t he shut the fuck up?

“Uhm…I’m Nick. I’m in your literature class.” He said, thinking she’d just know who he was. When really she didn’t. “I was your partner for the Shakespeare project.”

“Shit.” She said out loud, making the oblivious boy furrow his eyebrows. She forgot she had a partner, she just left class early to cool off from being stressed, she never heard who her partner was.

“Right…yeah sorry. Uhm..” “No it’s alright you forgot, I actually came to ask you if you wanted to go study in the library?”

Why did he have to ask that?!

“Oh sure, yeah I guess,” dumbass. Astrid thought, fuck she was screwed..she wanted to study with you!

“Great!” He exclaimed, “let’s get going cause I’ve got a club to meet with later.” He smiled, leading her to the library and she followed him anxiously. She totally forgot about the girls and their prank.

Astrid sat across from Nick, though after every few minutes he’d scoot his chair closer. It made her uncomfortable. She didn’t want to be rude and leave, she already said yes to studying with him. But you…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking through the library, your books in your arms. Now the head over heels girl you are, you studied Shakespeare for Astrid. Even if she didn’t agree to study with you yet…you still wanted to be nice.

When passing through the library, you could hear a familiar voice faint from across the library. You peaked around the corner of an aisle of books, seeing Astrid with a guy!?

“The fuck..?” You muttered to yourself, why was she studying with a guy? I mean sure..cool I guess, but you offered..and why did she decide to go with him instead? You’re definitely smarter than him. (Since you are in your favorite class with him and he has no idea what’s going on)

Jealously floods through your body, hands clenched in fists and clenching the books. You wanted to beat the guy with your books and take Astrid to your dorm.

But she didn’t say yes. So that’s her decision, not yours to make.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While deep in thought of studying, Astrid caught a glimpse of you staring at her and and Nick. You left quickly and she sat up.

“Whoa, you good pretty girl?” Nick asked in a flirty way, bothered the hell out of her.

“No..I’m not.” She huffed, unsure if she should chase after you or not.

Nick bit his lip, “well..maybe uh, taking this studying date behind closed doors might cheer you up?”

Astrid’s eyes went wide at his words, the forceful feeling of gagging escaped her. She turned to looks at him from the library doors.

“Excuse me what? No thank you, and this ain’t a fucking date weirdo.” Astrid stood up quickly, gathering her things. Nick shot up from his chair, damn he was desperate.

“W-wait no, hey I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. How about uh..flowers? Would that suffice?” His dumbass tried to convince, but none of his ‘charm’ was getting to Astrid.

“No. End of story, I’ve got a different study date to catch.” Literally

Astrid took off, speeding walking out of the library and left him behind dumbfounded in the library. She had no idea where you could have gone, she wandered the halls aimlessly.

“Oh is the dyke looking for her girlfriend? She ran off to her dorm with tears in her eyes, you know it’s hard to break Y/n.” Astrid heard the snitch say, she turned to face her and sighed.

“Just shut up Kayla. I don’t need you on my ass right now,” Astrid scoffed and walked off to find you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She spent about an hour looking for you, she eventually found you outside in the rain by the garden. A common place for those who are stressed or sad to hangout at.

“Y/n?” You turned your head when you heard her voice. She looked pretty as ever under the rain, and so did you. You turned away again, not sure what to say but still be upset. “Hey, what’s wrong?” She stepped closer to you, sitting down next to you.

“Sorry, I was just shocked when I saw you with…that guy,” you tried not to sound jealous. But regardless of what you say it sounded like it. “It’s..it’s not that I’m jealous. I just really wanted to be the person to study with you.”

Astrid blushed at your words, her heart feeling touched by your words. “Sounds like your jealous to me..but I won’t tease you.” She chuckled, smiling up at you. “Besides, it was cute of you to come find me and ask again.”

Your own cheeks flared up, it was the first time someone’s ever made you flustered. “Thanks Astrid, if you want to we can still study?” She smiled, meaning yes. “Oh! And uh..might be a little too much but I already did some studying for you..to see maybe what you could be struggling with.”

She watched you pull out some notes, which were kinda ruined from the rain. “Well…” “it’s okay..we can start over if you want.” Astrid stopped you, placing a hand on yours.

Your eyes shifted to hers, then her lips. “I’d love to start over.”

HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAH CLIFFHANGER

actually nvm I won’t do that to y’all

Astrid pressed her lips against yours, not hesitating to do it. You were glad she did, you were too damn nervous to get any closer. Her hands grasped around your neck, while yours let go of the already damp papers onto her waist. The notes began to dampen even more from falling into a puddle.

From now on your promise to always study with her and keep her from dumbasses like Nick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/n: Rushed bc I felt bad for not posting anything in awhile

My first time writing Astrid too

And idk who the jerks in the movies names were so Kayla was something that popped into my head

Also not all the way spelled checked bc my brain hurts from homework

[fayeofthenightingale]

I've decided to contribute to the Miguel nation even though I was almost a year late

I present to you…. Brother's best friend! Miguel! A drabble…. (Might turn this into a full fic idk)

Cw: Brother's best friend trope, grammatical errors, fem reader, possibly OOC Miguel, this is more like a flashback really since it's focus is more on Miggy and reader's childhood, this is kinda long wth 😭

Bbf! Miguel who has been friends with your brother since middle school, would often play in your brother's room when they were younger. As typical boys do, they'd play video games. He doesn't mind when you want to join them. He finds it endearing whenever you try to put your stuffed animals on the Legos they built, claiming they're people or something like that.

Bbf! Miguel who defends little you whenever some mean kids try to bully you, is taller than the average kid, making him intimidating. When this happens, he stands behind the bullies, towering over them with a menacing glare and arms folded. All he has to do is say something like "scram" or "leave," and the kids your age run away. Then, when you're feeling sad or upset, he treats you to ice cream to cheer you up.

Bbf! Miguel who helps you pull pranks on your brother, sometimes he’d be surprised you were able to pull off a bit extreme pranks but he’d be happy to do it for shits and giggles.

Bbf! Miguel who helps patch up your wounds whenever you have a little accident in the midst of pulling a prank on your brother all while speaking to you in the gentlest of ways to calm you down. "can you get up? no? All alright I'll carry you then” Your eleven-year-old mind panics when he easily carries you.

Bbf! Miguel who defends you against your older brother, Leo, gets into an argument whenever he can, Leo’s older, and can handle himself, while you are 4 almost 5 years younger than them and therefore helps you whenever he can, it’s just not fair sometimes.

He stood by the side of Leo’s room, witnessing the fight between you and your brother, 13-year-old Leo yelling at you for breaking his model aeroplane. “I Told you not to come in here without my permission!” Leo huffed, “I’m sorry! I-I just want to look at it” You defended yourself but Leo wasn’t having it,” Well now look at it! It’s broken!” little you are almost on the brink of tears, that’s when he stepped in. “come on now, the wing is the only one that’s broken, I’m sure we can fix it,” he said, trying to cool down the argument, Your brother stormed out of his room to cool off leaving you with Miguel “Are you okay Chiquita?” he asked and you shook your head a small sniffle escaped you as you try to justify yourself “I didn’t mean it” little you murmured as you look up at him with teary eyes, he sighed as he took the broken plane and its wing “hey, it’s okay yeah? Leo just needs to cool off, with the help of a super glue I’m sure we can fix this” he reassured you with a little ruffle on your head and grabbed the super glue to fix the broken model plane with his best friend’s little sister.

Bbf! Miguel got his heart broken for the first time because the girl he’s been crushing didn’t like him back because he was “too nerdy” for her liking, Leo brought it up during dinner when your mom asked how your day went and you were saddened for him, who wouldn’t like Miguel? He’s kind, understanding, and funny, he may be too intimidating because of his more-than-average height but that’s his outside appearance! He’s really sweet on the inside… wait…. Why are you thinking like that about him? Nevermind that.

Bbf! Miguel showed up the next day at your house since he and Leo needed to finish a project that’s due tomorrow, eyes puffy and a bit dishevelled from crying, you felt bad despite your brother calling him out that he looks like shit. Miguel didn’t deserve this, so you, the ever loving little sister of his best friend decided to go buy something for him.

Bbf! Miguel who walked out of your house to head home since the project they’ve been working on is finished, “Miguel!” you called out to him with a small paper bag in hand, you catch up to him panting heavily, have you been running? You held out the small paper “Umm.... I’m sorry about what happened yesterday… Leo told me… I mean he told mom when she asked how our day went” you rumbled, you were too busy making sure the treat in your hand stayed warm that you haven’t thought about what to say to him! “… anyways theseareforyouIhopeyoufeelbetter'' you said rather too quickly and before he could say anything you ran away and inside your house too flustered to face him, he took a peek inside the bag and a small smile was painted on his lips, warm empanadas from his favourite store, oh how sweet of you…

Bbf! Miguel who's taken the rejection to heart, maybe much of a nerd after all and that needed to change, so day by day he changed himself, no longer wearing those thick-framed glasses instead he opted for contact lenses, the baggy shirt that has corny science jokes were now nowhere to be seen and he's even doing a little workout to build his tall lanky body, of course, this was never unnoticed to you, who wouldn't notice your brother's best friend slowly gaining muscle and lean body type? You're happy for him of course but a part of you hoped that he did it because he wanted to and not because he's pressured by society's views of him, you like the nerd him? he's cute!

Bbf! Miguel who's never seen you so down in the dumps before, usually your beams and silliness can rival the sun itself but now you're gloomier than the night sky. He asked your brother about it and he didn't expect the reason for your sudden gloominess.

“Ah, she's just upset because no one gave her a Valentine's gift” your brother nonchalantly said as he played on his computer, his series of curses from losing the game was blurred out and in his peripheral vision, he only saw you, without saying any word he left your brother's room and approached you. You can hear the low vibrato of his voice as he approaches you “Hey” he greeted and sat down beside you “You okay?” he asked with his usual gentleness and you looked at him “I don't know… do I look okay?” you mumbled sassily which took him aback but sighed “I… I don't even know why I'm upset, it's just a silly day, it's not even a holiday! it's just a stupid day to have an excuse to ask your crush out or chow down chocolates” you mumbled bitterly, really it's a childish thing to be upset about something small like this, but Miguel didn't think so, no, he’s been there and he knows how it feels, Miguel didn't say anything but pats your head gently, his way to console you.

Bbf! Miguel who had surprised you on a random Friday afternoon with a box of your favourite chocolate and a pink coloured rose “Here” he said as he handed you the gifts, your eyes widened in surprise but took them “What's with this?” you asked but he shrugged in response “For you” he didn't show but it was amusing to him (and kinda cute) to see the sparkle in your eyes shine although it was short-lived “you didn't have to do this you know?” you mumbled, as much as you appreciated his effort you didn't want him to do that out of pity, again your brother's best friend shrugged “It’s not out of pity, it's for you, pink roses for appreciation" and that got you thinking “appreciation? for what? what did I do?” you asked him genuinely curious as to why “just existing, we've known each other for years-” “but I'm not your best friend” you cut him off “who said you have to be my best friend for me to show you my appreciation?” he asked you and in turn you weren't able to say anything, too surprised to utter a single word. He called your name softly, “I appreciate you, not because you're Leo's sister, but my friend, one of the closest, as embarrassing as it sounds but I cannot deny the truth, you have a certain charm I'm drawn to, you make me smile easily, you understand me, and don't tell Leo about this but at least with you I'm slightly more comfortable” he said with a small smile.

Before you could say anything Leo called out Miguel's name and he left right after, a hand on your chest to ease the beating of your heart and butterflies on your stomach. And in that moment, you realized you had fallen for your brother's best friend.

----

Omg why is posting stuff online so anxiety inducing?! Anyways Likes and reblogs are highly appreciated! If you have feed backs I'm more than eager to hear them (just be kind please) 🩷

[idontplaytrack]

eii, this is a bit different but can you do a regina X janis X reader where the reader is Regina's little sister and she's acting different until one day at school janis and regina see someone bullying her because they saw her throwing up in the bathroom (she had bulimia and was hiding it from them) so they help her and take her home?

✧ Try to stop the feeling

Janis ‘Imi’ike x Regina George + little sister reader

Warnings: coarse language, bullying, mentions/some descriptions of an eating disorder. Reader discretion advised.

“y/n!” Regina hollers, knocking on your bedroom door loudly. Obnoxiously loud.

“What’s going on?”

“Oh, nothing mom. Just that y/n’s not up yet and we’re gonna be late.” Regina scoffs.

“Open the door and go wake her up.” June shrugs.

“Ugh.” Regina groans, “Fine. I’m coming in, y/n.” The blonde opens the door, walking in to see you still asleep, under the covers, back facing her.

“y/n, come on. Get up, let’s go.” Regina sat down by you, hand on your back.

“I’m not going.” You mumble, Regina glares at June. ‘Hello?!’ She mouths to her.

“Honey, what’s the matter?” June asks, entering your room too.

“Nothing. I’m just fucking tired, Mom. Let me skip for one day. I’m not gonna die if I miss a day of school.” You snapped.

June stares at you, wide eyed, a little startled. “Huh. Okay, okay, sure. Yeah, you just rest up today. Regina, you go ahead.”

“Alright, then.” Regina shrugs, leaving for school without a second thought. “Bye, silly.”

You groaned, covering a pillow cover your head. Regina looks over her shoulder, biting back a smile. Her brows were furrowed together in worry, that your refusal to go to school was more than just you being tired.

On her way to school, Regina stops by Janis’ to pick her up— as usual. Every weekday morning, for the past half a year, like clockwork. “Hey, Jay.”

“Hi, Gina.” Janis grins, getting into the front passenger seat and shutting the door. “Where’s…where’s y/n?”

Regina sighs, shrugging, “Didn’t want to get up this morning. Then she snapped, saying she was tired so mom let her skip today.”

“Oh.”

“Actually, I’m pretty worried. She’s never done this— ever.” Regina admits quietly, “Like, what if— what if something’s going on that we don’t know about?”

“Well, we’ll keep an eye on things at school. You know? Pay closer attention to the people around her, see what they’re doing, hear what they’re saying.”

Regina sighs, “Yeah, I guess. Hey, what if I just talked to her?”

“I mean, you and y/n are very close. She might open up to you about it, but we have no idea what it is yet. So how about we observe for today what’s going on at school, then you decide?”

Regina nodded her head in agreement, then the rest of the ride was silent, but comfortable. The couple was then separated by a few classes before then met up again for lunch. Regina waits for Janis by the lockers right next to the classroom she’d be in before lunch break. Arms crossed, she was leaning against the metal just looking around at nothing in particular. Until, some little girl, a freshman said your name and Regina’s ears perked up. Blinking profusely, trying to focus.

“I know, ugh. Thank god she isn’t here today.” The girl laughs, “Finally we don’t have to hear her throwing up when. we go to the bathroom.”

Two other girls beside that one, agreed, laughing and nodding, mocking you— making gagging noises, pretending to stick their finger into their mouths. Instantly, the anger in Regina surfaced. Her fists were balled together, her nostrils flared as she approached the trio. “Keep my sister’s name out of your damn mouths. You’re new here, focus on not failing your classes, kids.”

The three of them were caught so off-guard but tried very poorly to hide it behind a bitchy demeanour. Something Regina herself knew all too well. “Oh, Regina. There you are.” Janis came up to them, “What’s up?”

“Oh, not much just managed to figure out just how fucked up these kids are.” Regina snarled, “Leave her alone. Focus on your own miserable lives, work on yourselves. You’ll never make it in the real world like this. They’ll chew you up and spit you out, you’ll be begging to be freed.”

“Whatever. I hope she dies. Unlike you, she’s fat, and ugly and stupid. And a slut.”

“Enough is enough.” Regina spat, each word laced with venom.

“Regina, let’s go.” Janis places a hand on her shoulder, firmly, “Let’s go.”

Regina exhales, giving the girls one last glare before leaving with the brunette before she completely blew her top.

“The girl said y/n’s been making herself sick. I can’t believe I never noticed. Even they heard her. We live in the same house, but I never—”

“Is she seeing anyone?”

“Huh—”

“Like, a therapist.” Janis continued.

“I mean, yes. She has been since mom and dad got divorced but I don’t know if she’s actually going?”

“What?”

“My mom’s the one who takes her usually. Sometimes, she says she’ll go on her own, so I don’t know if she actually shows up or skips. Or if she’s lying during her sessions.”

This whole situation weighed on both Regina and Janis’ minds. But they didn’t have the heart to bring it up, worried that you would get so upset and shut them out completely. They made it through the day, Regina arrived home with your favourite food after June texted that you didn’t want to eat. Regina was hoping you would eat at least some of it, but was also highly aware of the fact that she had to keep an eye on you after you ate so you didn’t do it.

God, she cannot even bring herself to say it. Regina just couldn’t.

“y/n?” Regina knocks your door gently, “Can I come in?”

“Yeah.” You told her, and she does, walking inside with a familiar paper bag.

“I brought you some lunch.” Regina sat down on the floor with you, you look up from your sketchbook, “I’ll eat with you.”

A quiet sigh falls from your lips, “So you know?”

“Yes.” Regina answered honestly, “I’m not gonna judge you, I get it. I also…I also struggle with that sometimes. It’s difficult, but we can’t give up and let those people who don’t know us, don’t understand anything affect us. I know it’s way deeper than that, I don’t know your reasons— heck, I don’t even know all pf the reasons why I do that. But you gotta take care of yourself. Sometimes we try and we try and we try to do whatever we can to stop the feeling of guilt, of disgust, anxiety…anything. But at the end of the day? Taking good care of yourself, your mind…your body. That’s the most important thing. Keep going to therapy no matter how hard it is, confront the problem, work through it.”

“Thanks, G.” You finally made eye contact with her, closing the book and slowly pushing it away, “I…I’m not ready to talk to you about why. But I— I have been going to therapy still for dealing with Mom and Dad’s divorce and some other existing issues, but not this— I will, though. bring this up at my next appointment. I’ve been trying so hard not to do it but sometimes I lose control of what I’m thinking and it just…happens.”

“y/n, I get that feeling. But don’t let it be all you feel. Try and remember that.” She rubs your back, “Don’t cry, okay?”

You nod, wiping your tears away, “Thanks for hearing me out. I’m sorry you—”

“It’s okay.” She assured, “I’m working on it. Here, Mom says you hadn’t had lunch yet, I got your favourite sub from the place we used to go to with Nana.”

Smiling softly, you took the wrapped up sandwich from your sister and carefully opened it up to take a bite. Regina dug into her food as well.

“Who else knows?” You asked quietly.

“I was waiting for Janis outside her classroom before we went to lunch together. Those girls walked by and started saying crap, I told them off and that was when Janis showed up. I did tell her, but nothing explicit. She knows about me, and she’s had her own struggles with similar things so gets it. No judgement. You’re safe with us.”

The next day, you felt okay enough to go to school. Saying goodbye to your mom, you left the house with Regina, picking up Janis along the way. “Hi, you.” Janis smiled when she saw you. You waved as she got into the front seat, “Hey, Jan.”

School went by arguably fine once you tuned out the chatter and solely focused on your classes. Until, it didn’t. You ran into them again while on your way to gym class and they stopped you. “What’s the matter? Couldn’t stand up for yourself and had to let your sister do it for you?”

“Piss off, Winnie. None of your business. Leave me alone.”

“It is when you’re throwing up in the school bathroom letting everyone wait for a stall. And hear that disgusting noise from your disgusting behaviour.”

Your breath gets caught in your throat and you feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. ‘Don’t engage with them anymore, y/n. Walk away.’ You thought to yourself.

Attempting to push past them, they only pushed you back harder. You stumbled like two steps back but didn’t fall. They laugh anyway, finding it to be the funniest thing ever.

“y/n, I’ve been looking all over for you!”

Janis. Thank God. The girls were terrified of Janis and you’ve just found that out. Perfect.

You turned around, jogged towards her and asked her what was wrong. “Nothing.” She chuckles, “Gina says we’re cutting school.”

“Huh?” You looked at her, puzzled.

“We’re cutting school, come on. She’s waiting for us in the car.” Janis says, taking you by the hand and quickly leading you to Regina’s Jeep.

“Why are we—”

“Had enough of those fuckers badmouthing my girls. I wasn’t gonna put up with that anymore today. So we’re going out, we’re gonna have the time of our lives and just, relax.”

🏷️Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

💭A/N:

This one was pretty short…I apologise but I hope I did your request justice!

[steddieas-shegoes]

This is for the request from @mogami13 : Werewolf den mother steve being seduced to be eddie's mate which they wrote a post on found here. My post is not related to theirs, but you should ABSOLUTELY go read it and let them know if you want more!

This was so out of my comfort zone and it shows to me, but I wanted to try. Hopefully it does not disappoint! - Mickala ❤️❤️

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everything you think you know about this town is wrong.

The raspy voice of Eddie’s mother on her death bed echoed in his head often over the years.

He was nine when she died.

She died before explaining what she meant.

When he moved in with his Uncle Wayne, he got an explanation in the form of a wolf suddenly running into his room, biting his shirt, and dragging him outside.

As he stood on the back porch, heart racing, he realized the wolf was his Uncle Wayne.

He didn’t know how he knew, he just did.

He watched as Wayne disappeared into the trees for a few minutes, unsure if he should follow or not. He assumed Wayne would have waited for him if he was supposed to, so he stayed put.

When he came back, he nudged Eddie to sit on the step, and rested on the porch next to him.

They stayed like that for a while, Eddie fighting sleep as much as he could.

Finally, Wayne stood up, moved to part of the porch that was hidden from neighbors, and transformed back.

Eddie just stared, flabbergasted.

It was one thing to just know the wolf was Wayne and another entirely to watch the transformation.

Wayne walked back inside, probably to put some clothes on, and Eddie followed slowly.

They talked for hours, almost until dawn, about the history of the town, the history of their family, how Eddie would have his transformation when he hit puberty. How his mother got sick because she wasn’t able to transform anymore due to an injury his father gave her years before.

“When we can’t become our true selves regularly, it hurts every version of us. Drains us. It’s important you let this part of you out. I can’t lose you like I lost her.”

He told Eddie about how he spent a decade trying to convince his sister to move in with him instead of Eddie’s father, that it would be harder to leave when Eddie was born.

And it was.

She never left. She got hurt. Then she got sick.

Now she was gone.

———

Eddie loved being able to transition whenever he wanted.

Wayne told him stories of other families in the area that would only do so once a month, on the full moon, how stereotypical, to keep from dying. They didn’t let their kids run in the woods, or curl up in a cuddle pile. Sure, Wayne and Eddie didn’t make much of a cuddle pile, but it was perfect the way it was.

The Harringtons were an example.

According to Wayne, they hid the fact that they were even wolves from everyone else. The strangest part, according to Wayne, was that their son, Steve, had a very delayed transition. Most wolves have their first transformation when they hit puberty, but his didn’t happen until he was 16. They didn’t know what finally made it happen, but Eddie hoped it wasn’t anything that would make him sick like his mom.

When he told Wayne that, Wayne smirked.

“Worried about Steve Harrington? Who are you and what have you done with my nephew?”

Eddie slapped his arm, but couldn’t ignore the blush on his cheeks.

So what if Eddie had a little, tiny, baby crush on Steve Harrington? Who didn’t? He was hot, he was popular, he was athletic.

Maybe he hung out with some of the worst bullies in the school, but he never actively bullied anyone.

It’s not like anything would ever happen. Steve wasn’t into guys and Eddie was probably the farthest thing from his type he could get.

————-

When he met Dustin Henderson, he knew immediately he had to protect this kid at all costs.

High school was a fucking war zone and he was the weakest link, it was clear to anyone with eyes.

But he came with a couple other kids, Mike and Lucas, who probably would be fine if they just kept their heads down and got involved with the right things.

Hellfire Club wasn’t the right thing, at least not if they wanted to be popular or even just remotely average.

But they insisted they wanted to be a part of it, that D&D had been their lives for so long, and it was the only way they could kind of stay connected to their friend Will, who’d moved before school started.

It took him too long to realize they meant Will Byers, the boy who got sick like his mom, but somehow survived. He couldn’t transform anymore, but would lead an otherwise normal life.

He welcomed them into the club, made everyone else already in it welcome them, explained that it was important for Freshman to get involved so that the upperclassmen had someone to pass it all down to.

Eddie was going off the assumption that he’d graduate, that all of them except Jeff would graduate.

But when spring break happened, he didn’t find it in him to care nearly as much about graduating. He just needed to survive.

————

When he woke up in the hospital, he felt instant dread.

He was alive, but at what cost?

Wayne was asleep in the chair next to him, Dustin asleep in the chair at the end of his bed, and Steve fucking Harrington was sitting next to Dustin, watching Eddie.

They were clean and changed, so it had to have been at least a day since his whole world nearly ended.

“How long?” His voice was barely even a whisper, but Steve must have incredible hearing.

“Four days,” he whispered back, probably trying to avoid Dustin and Wayne waking up.

Have they been here the whole time? Wayne couldn’t miss that much work, he’d get fired. And Dustin. Dustin’s just a kid. His mom must be worried.

Steve couldn’t possibly have sat here for four days. His parents would lose their shit.

“I’ve made them go home every day to shower and eat, try to sleep in a real bed. Told them I’d call if anything changed.”

So Steve had been here the whole time.

That explained the bags under his eyes.

“Eddie? You awake?”

Wayne’s sleepy voice made him turn his head. He let out a pained groan, his whole body resisting any movement.

“Stay still. You’ve got a lot of stitches holdin’ you together. Let me get the nurse.”

Wayne hurried out of the room, Steve watching them with a small smile.

“He’s been worried. I don’t think he’s slept more than a couple hours since he first got here.”

“Dustin?”

Steve looked over at Dustin, worried frown on his face.

“He thinks it’s his fault.”

“What? How?”

Eddie could ignore the pain pulsing through his veins for now. He had to understand how Dustin could possibly think any of this was his fault.

“He thinks if he’d jumped back through sooner, you wouldn’t have lost as much blood. Or that if he’d come up with a better backup plan, you never would’ve had to do it at all. We’ve never been this close to losing people.”

Wait, people, plural?

“Max?”

Steve stood up and came closer to his head, keeping his eyes on Dustin to make sure he didn’t wake up.

“She’s still in a coma. They don’t think she’ll come out of it.”

So she wasn’t dead, but she might as well be.

Eddie fought the tears welling up.

“Mr. Munson! Wonderful to see you awake.”

Steve and Eddie both jumped, Eddie letting out a hiss as he felt a searing pain along his side.

And then Dustin was awake.

“Eddie? Eddie!”

He was crowding in next to Steve, ignoring everyone else in the room. His eyes were wide and teary, and Eddie knew if Dustin started crying, it’d be game over for him.

“Hey bud. Doing okay?”

Not the right thing to say. Dustin let out a sob and collapsed against Steve, who wrapped his arms around him to hold him up.

“I’m just gonna bring him outside for a minute while you get checked over.”

“No!” Dustin exclaimed, pulling away. “I can’t leave him, Steve! Please.”

“Dustin, it’s okay. He’s okay. They have to check his bandages and we’ll be just around the corner.”

Steve looked at Eddie and silently asked him to reassure Dustin. He could do that. He was tired and in pain, but he could do this.

“I’ll see you in ten minutes, okay? Just take a lap, grab me a soda or something.”

“Sir, I don’t recomm-“ the nurse started, but was waved off by Wayne.

“Ten minutes?”

“Ten minutes.”

“Okay.”

Dustin let Steve lead him out of the room, Wayne following to close the door behind them.

“Alright, just have to check your vitals and do a pain assessment,” the nurse started. “This probably won’t be fun, but I’ll need to check the wounds on your legs and sides.”

Eddie nodded and let her get to work.

It hurt. Everything hurt.

But Wayne was holding his hand, and Dustin was coming back with a soda for him, and Steve was here for some reason.

He’d almost been eaten alive by demon bats, he could survive this nurse checking him over.

————

As soon as he was out of the hospital is when it started.

Dustin always found reasons to have Steve come with him to visit.

First, it was just because he was his ride, Claudia having to work a bit more because many of her coworkers had left town after the “quake.”

Then, Steve would stick around because Dustin insisted he wouldn’t stay for long and he didn’t want Steve to have to make two trips so quickly.

Which was kind of bullshit, Eddie and Steve both knew it, because Steve actually only lived about 8 minutes from Eddie and Wayne’s new trailer.

But they let him get away with it.

Eddie liked having another adult around. None of his friends from high school were allowed to talk to him, so it was pretty much just the kids and Wayne for the last two months.

Steve would sometimes even bring Robin, who Eddie would probably be in love with if he liked women at all.

Especially when she came out to him while Dustin was making sure the kids cleaned up the table after a campaign.

“What’s up with you and Steve?”

“What do you mean?”

She looked nervous. Were they a secret for some reason?

“Like, if you’re dating, you should just tell everyone. Pretty sure everyone thinks so anyway.”

Robin let out a loud laugh.

“Dude, no. We are obnoxiously platonic. Trust me.”

“Kinda hard to believe when you do everything together. You finished his sentence yesterday.”

Robin rolled her eyes.

“I’m super gay, Eddie. Not interested in Steve even a little bit.”

That…should’ve surprised him more, actually.

“So you’re just best friends?”

“Yeah, I mean, we’re pack, ya know?”

“Oh! You’re…” Eddie started, using his hands to pretend he had claws.

“No, actually. But I helped Steve get more comfortable with his whole wolf thing when his parents wanted nothing to do with it. My cousins on my dad’s side are wolves so it wasn’t really a secrecy problem.”

Eddie had kind of forgotten that there was any secrecy left. All the kids were wolves, so they openly talked about it often. He hadn’t really thought about the fact that any of them might not be.

“Have you done it since everything happened?”

“Uh. No. Owens said I had to heal completely before I tried.”

“Haven’t you been healed for two weeks?”

Eddie was silent.

“You’re scared.”

It wasn’t a question and he wasn’t going to deny it. He was scared.

He was scared that he wouldn’t be able to, sure. But he was even more scared that he’d face the same sickness his mom had, that Will had but managed to get through. He knew he wouldn’t be as lucky as Will, though.

“Would it be easier if you had someone with you the first time?”

“Maybe. Wayne offered, but I don’t want him to see if it goes wrong.”

“What about Steve?”

“What about Steve?”

“He could stay with you when you try. He’s good in emergencies, especially if you end up hurt. He knows everyone so even if he couldn’t help, he could call the kids or Wayne or hell, Claudia. And I know he hasn’t spent much time with just you, but I think he wants to and doesn’t know how to do it.”

“She’s right,” Dustin said from the doorway.

“Why the hell were you listening to a private conversation?”

“Is it really private if you’re talking at a normal volume in a room where anyone can come and go at any time?”

“Watch your tone,” Eddie replied.

Dustin was right though. And so was Robin.

“I don’t wanna bother him.”

“Steve’s not gonna be bothered. He loves taking care of people! He’s basically our mom.”

“Jesus, dude, I’m not your mom,” Steve said as he walked into the room holding more trash than Eddie remembered there being on the table.

“You’re saying that holding a pile of trash that the children should’ve been cleaning up,” Eddie said with a smirk.

“Well, they’re getting distracted and I don’t have all night.”

“Spoken like a true mother.”

Steve rolled his eyes, but Eddie could see a small smile on his face. He was proud to be considered their mom.

“Eddie’s got a favor to ask, Steve.”

Eddie glared at Dustin.

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“He’s lying. He needs someone to be with him when he transforms for the first time since, ya know, everything.”

Eddie glared at Robin now, too.

“Oh. Sure. When?”

“Uh. You really don’t have to. It might not even work. Don’t want you to waste your time.”

“It’s not a waste of time. We can try tomorrow after my shift if you want?”

Dustin was practically bouncing off the walls in excitement and Robin was hiding a smirk behind her hand.

“Yeah, okay. If you’re sure.”

Will started to walk in the room, then walked right back out when he felt the tension pouring from Eddie.

All the kids had done plenty of meddling, helping Dustin find reasons for Steve to always be around Eddie.

El and Max even convinced Steve that Eddie needed him to sit next to him at the diner when they had breakfast because he couldn’t cut his pancakes alone.

Which was fucking ridiculous and Steve actually believed it. Eddie would’ve been more annoyed if he wasn’t completely endeared by the fact that Steve hadn’t even asked him, just grabbed his fork and knife when they were brought to the table and started cutting them.

He didn’t stop him.

It was kind of nice to be taken care of.

So if he could have more of that for something like this, maybe he could just let it happen. No embarrassment, no arguing.

“Sure. See you at 9:30 tomorrow night?”

“I’ll be here.”

“Cool.”

————-

Eddie was a nervous wreck.

For all of Dustin’s meddling, he suddenly had no interest in helping Eddie through his anxiety.

He tried calling him three times, every time going to voicemail. He tried calling the other gremlins, same thing.

So they were all in on this, Dustin was just the boldest one.

He was nervous about the actual wolf part, definitely.

But he was nervous that Steve would be there. He would see him at his most vulnerable, possibly even worse if he couldn’t even change any more.

When he told Wayne about what he was doing, he just smiled and said “you’d know if you couldn’t, son.”

So Eddie waited for 9:30. He paced inside. He paced outside. He took a shower that he didn’t even need. He sat on the couch, twiddling his thumbs. He stood by the window watching for Steve to show up even though he knew he wouldn’t be there early.

He was a mess, plain and simple.

He could feel his heart thrumming with anticipation.

And then headlights flashed through the front windows and Eddie was opening the front door before Steve was even out of his car.

“Hey Eddie. You ready?”

How did he look so good coming from work? Still in his stupid vest, hair tucked behind his ears. A little sheen of sweat on his forehead because the AC was out at the store and the ride here wasn’t long enough to cool off in his car.

It was so fucking unfair.

“Eds?”

Jesus, okay. He had to get it together. Seriously.

“Yeah! I’m good. I’m just a little nervous. Don’t wanna end up bleeding out in the backyard,” he laughed nervously.

“Is that a possibility?” Steve asked, his voice choked and wobbling.

“Sorry! No. I don’t think so. I think I’ll be fine. Honest.”

Steve visibly relaxed and Eddie kind of hated himself a bit.

Dustin was the one who told Eddie about Steve being the first to get to them in the Upside Down, how Steve performed as much emergency care as he possibly could with Nancy helping before carrying him through the gate.

How Steve had been covered in more of Eddie’s blood than his own by the time the ambulance arrived.

How Steve didn’t sleep for nearly 48 hours because he wouldn’t leave Eddie’s side, half convinced he’d imagined rescuing him.

Eddie shouldn’t joke about bleeding out when the man who had to watch him nearly do so before was his only help tonight.

“Where are you doing this?”

“Uh. Back porch has a lot of space that neighbors couldn’t see. And then the woods are right there after.”

“Should I…um…stay human?”

“Yeah, just in case.”

Steve nodded and followed Eddie as he led him through the front door.

“Want a drink or anything? I have water, or beer, or…that’s it actually. I can run out and get you something else though if you want. You’re probably thirsty. Been a long day. I’ll be right back-“

“Eddie. I’m fine.”

Steve’s hand was on his shoulder. Warmth flooded through Eddie, his body relaxing under the touch.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

Eddie led them out the back door and over to the side of the porch hidden from view.

Steve turned away while he stripped off his clothes and left them on the floor for after.

He took a few deep breaths and let his body relax.

He could do this.

It was natural.

One moment, he was considering telling Steve it wasn’t gonna happen, the next he was a wolf. He was so busy relaxing into the feeling, he didn’t notice Steve moving closer.

Until Steve’s hands were cupping his head, his fingers gently scratching at his fur.

It felt good and Eddie couldn’t help the low growl he let out.

“Feel okay?”

Steve still looked worried behind the unreadable look on his face.

Eddie nodded his head once.

He stood there, kind of afraid to move, kind of wanting to stay here just to keep Steve’s hands on him, kind of dying to run.

His human form was clumsy, could barely walk in a straight line sometimes without tripping over his own feet. His wolf form could run through trees at a speed most people couldn’t even fathom.

But Steve had his hands on him.

“You’re so beautiful.”

Oh.

Oh.

“I mean, you always are. It’s just. I’ve never seen anything like you.”

Eddie wasn’t sure how long he could stand there taking Steve’s compliments. He knew Steve was still new to the wolf thing, maybe had never even properly seen another adult, so he tried not to let it mean much.

But Steve looked so earnest.

And then his hands moved to his neck, running his fingers through the fur there.

He paused suddenly, letting out a small laugh.

“Oh my god. I can’t believe Dustin was right.”

He felt Steve’s finger circle a spot near his shoulder blade, right where he knew he had a shock of gold fur instead of the dark brown that covered his whole body.

“I know I’m staying human tonight, but I have a spot of dark brown fur in the same spot. But the rest of my body is gold like this. I’ll show you next time.”

Next time, next time, next time.

“Dustin said that makes us soulmates.”

Of course Dustin said that.

But then he remembered his Uncle Wayne telling him about a spot he had in his fur for over a decade, a black circle instead of the gray of the rest of his body.

How his Uncle Wayne told him that he believed his soulmate had the same kind of spot, but gray.

How his spot disappeared randomly and he never got any explanation.

How a few years ago, he’d found out his high school sweetheart had died tragically in a car accident right around the time he lost the spot.

How he never put much stock into soulmates until then, but was now a firm believer.

It felt impossible. It had to be impossible.

“Oh my god.”

Steve’s hands dropped and Eddie whimpered.

“Sorry,” Steve mumbled as he rested his hands back in Eddie’s fur. “I just realized. The first time Dustin tried to convince me to come to D&D was after the first time he saw my wolf. That little shit’s been trying to set us up for almost a year!”

Eddie huffed out a breath of disbelief or an attempt at laughter, he wasn’t sure.

“And Robin! She’s been trying to convince me to hang out with you since you came home from the hospital.” Steve pulled away and started pacing as Eddie watched. “The kids are all in on it. That’s why they always find reasons for me to stick around when you’re around.”

Steve plopped down on the floor, back to the wall of the house.

Eddie trotted over, plopping down on the floor next to him and placing his head in Steve’s lap.

He nudged his nose against Steve’s hand, wordlessly asking for Steve to pet his head.

He got the message.

“You don’t wanna go run?”

Eddie sighed against his lap.

“You could. I’ll be here when you get back.”

He didn’t want to. Not alone.

Maybe he could convince Steve to come with him to the lake next time, go for a run in those woods together.

Steve rested his head back against the wall.

“Do you believe in mates?”

He wasn’t really sure at this point. Maybe they were real, maybe they weren’t. Maybe Steve was his, maybe it was just a weird coincidence.

He nodded his head once.

“Do you think we’re mates?”

Eddie considered it.

He was part wolf. He was attacked and almost eaten to death by demon bats not that long ago. An evil half monster half human had nearly destroyed Hawkins.

So, yeah, they could very well be soulmates.

He nodded his head.

Steve curled himself inwards, letting his head rest on Eddie’s.

“How long are you staying like this? I kinda wanna kiss you.”

Well, he kinda wanted to kiss Steve too.

He pulled away and focused on what it would feel like to kiss Steve.

As soon as he was human again, he planted himself in Steve’s lap, not even caring that he was naked.

Steve looked at him, amused grin in place.

“You survived.”

“Worried I wouldn’t?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Soulmates, huh?”

Steve’s face was a cherry red, and Eddie was pretty sure he’d never been so in love.

He gripped Steve’s face between his hands, a mirror image of what Steve had done when he was a wolf.

“Can you believe Dustin wanted a dad so badly, he set his mom up like this?”

Steve snorted.

“Not his mom.”

“Sure about that? Didn’t you just punish him by taking away rides to the arcade for two weeks because of his attitude?”

“So?”

Eddie just raised his brows at him, smile widening as Steve shrugged.

“Okay, fine! Are you gonna kiss me or just keep teasing me about my favorite kid?”

“Oh, you want a kiss? From me?”

“Please.”

How could Eddie resist when he was asking so nicely?

Eddie’s kissed a lot of people. Girls in school, guys at the bar, Jeff once when he was really drunk.

But not a single one of them compared to this one.

Or any of the kisses they shared after.

[askbensolo]

01.10.30 - is there something wrong with you?

Rey’s been asking me questions about high school, since she’ll be starting in the fall.

“I can answer general questions, I guess,” I told her. “But you know I was homeschooled, so, keep in mind anything I say is gonna be based off of holofilms and books.”

She paused and tilted her head, her eyes set in that familiar squint that had never left her, even though she had departed from the blazing deserts of her homeworld. “Ben…is there something wrong with you?”

At first I thought she was doing her usual thing: making fun of me and being a pest, as little sisters do. I rolled my eyes at her and prepared a nasty retort, but she stopped me.

“I didn’t mean it that way,” she said hurriedly. “I’ve just…always wondered why Mom worries about you so much. She worries about you even more than she worries about me, even though you’re grown-up already. And I don’t understand why you’ve come home. Or why you sleep in Mom and Dad’s room.”

I grimaced. And I didn’t know what to tell her.

“Do you have a mental illness?” she asked, and her matter-of-fact tone and carefully stamped-out pronunciation made me think it was something they had taught her about in school, or that she had learned from a HoloNet video, or that Mom had given her a talk on at some point.

“Kind of,” I said. “Well—yes. But…it’s more than just—”

And then I stopped, and didn’t continue, because I knew Mom didn’t want Rey to know—she had told me so herself.

“…It’s okay,” Rey said finally. “You don’t have to tell me.” And she smiled a little—a rare display of gentleness from my bratty little sis—but, I could see something else there, too: a person who, like me, was tired of being treated like a child by her family.

“I’ll try to be nice to you while you’re home with us,” Rey said. “Most of the time, at least. As long as you promise not to be too annoying.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I’ll try to be nice to you, too. But—it might get hard. I could end up being here a while.”

“Then you can help me when I go to high school,” Rey said, punching me in the arm. “Help me beat up bullies.”

I punched her back (but softer than she’d done to me). “Hey, I’ve wrestled you a thousand times, Kid. You’re from Jakku. I know you sure don’t need any help from me.”

I messed up her hair and she slapped my hand away, laughing.

“But you’re right,” I told her, grinning. “I’ve got your back, sis.”

“I’ve got yours, too,” she told me solemnly.

And I began to think: huh. Maybe she wasn’t such a Kid anymore.

[dbnightingale24]

Sneak Peek To ‘A Huckleberry Is Nothing Without His Hummingbird’

 A follow up to ‘It’s Ridiculous, But I’ll Always Love You’ A Lloyd Hansen Love Story

~~

I’m back! Thanks for all the congrats and well wishes! So much writing has been going on since I got back, and I can’t wait to start posting again! Thank you, as always, to @fuckingbye​ for the amazing moodboard and just being amazing in general! I love you! I hope you all enjoy this snippet, and I hope to have the full story up soon!!

Warnings: Swearing, Family Drama, Angst, Drama, Arguments, Lloyd being Lloyd, Slight Mention of Drinking

Word Count: 1,014

~~ 

Lloyd’s P.O.V

“Trav, you and I need to have a talk,” I sigh as I take seat his computer desk.

He’s nine years old, why the hell does he have such an intense computer setup?

“Aren’t you supposed to knock before you come in? Mom knocks,” he mutters, not even bothering to look up from his book.

“She’s the nicer one.”

“Didn’t she punch my gym teacher in the face just for making a remark about my attitude when it comes to leading team sports?”

“I said she’s nicer one, not the more sane one, and put the damn book down. I’m talking to you.”

“What?”

“Watch your fucking mouth. What’s going on at school, and why didn’t you tell me about it?”

“In order for me to tell you about anything, you’d have to be here for that,” he snaps.

Ah yes, that’s why he has an insane computer setup. Guilt.

“I’m here now.”

“Good job.”

“Travis, I swear to God-”

“You’re never home, Dad! Before, you were always away on missions. Now, you don’t do missions but you’re always at work, and when you are home, you get pissed off about every little thing. If you don’t give a damn, why should I say anything?”

“That’s not true and you know it. I’m just adjusting. I know I’m not good at it, but I’m working on it.”

“Are you capable of apologizing to anyone besides Mom?

“I apologize to you when you deserve one.”

“Now seems like a pretty good time.”

“Jesus, you’re so much like your Mother sometimes. I swear that sometimes I think you two work together to drive me insane.”

“Well, I’m the one who got sent to my room, so it can’t be all that bad.”

“You owe your Mother an apology.”

“Yeah, I know,” he sighs.

“Sit up and tell me what’s going on.”

“I don’t feel like talking about it.”

“Yeah, I don’t care. Get up and talk to me. Why didn’t you tell me you were getting bullied?”

“Didn’t we just discuss that?”

I swear he’s just like Y/N.

“Travis.”

“Some of the kids at school think it’s funny that I’m scared to go to gym class, or that I jump when a book drops, or that I have panic attacks.”

“Why the hell are youi afraid of gym class?”

“A ball bouncing off the wall? A basketball bouncing-”

“Okay okay,” I sigh, sitting back. “You can’t let the bullies win. That’s not how your Mom and I are rasinging you.”

“I fought back and got suspended and, I’m sorry, isn’t that the Hansen way?”

“Are we sure you’re only 9?”

“I learn from the best.”

“That you do. Do you want to be home schooled?”

“Not forever,” he mumbles and I roll my eyes. “What now?”

“Speak up, I’m not raising you to be shy!”

“Why isn’t Mom having this talk with me?”

“Because she’s making dinner and I’m your Father.”

“You should’ve ordered something,” he goes on, completely ignoring the part about me being his Father.

Great, my kids hates me too.

“I offered to and she said that you prefer home cooked meals.”

“It doesn’t matter, she’s stressed out. You just have to do it.”

“How do you know this?”

“When she gets really upset over the things you do, I make dinner or talk her into ordering food,” he shrugs as if it’s no big deal.

“I’m trying to do better-”

“Don’t try, Dad. Just do it. Mom is here all the time and she deals with all of it, and then has to deal with your mood swings on top of it? It’s not fair.”

“Yeah, I know,” I mutter as I get up.

“Now who isn’t speaking up?”

“Watch it,” I warn ib the voice that lets him know he’s got no more buttons left to push, “and watch the swearing around your Mom. You know how much she hates it.”

“But why?”

“You’ve spent time with your grandparents, that’s not how she was raised. You’re too young to swear.”

“That’s not what you think.”

“You’re gonna swear anyway, so who gives a damn when you start? However, your Mom doesn’t like it, so cut it out.”

“I preferred when you two lived apart.”

“Well, get used to how things are now, because it’s how they’re staying.”

“Not if you keeo going on like this,” he mutters, picking up his book.

“Stop being a little shit and get ready for dinner. I’m taking everyone out.”

“Where?”

“Wherever your Mom wants. Get up and get dressed.”

Yeah, I owe him an apology, but he’s not getting one while he’s being a little shit.

It also doesn’t help that he’s right.

Trying to think of the romantic way to tell you that I’m taking you both out, I make my way downstairs and into the kitchen to see you sitting outside at the patio dinner table, smoking a cigarette and drinking wine.

How did I fuck this up? We were doing good and then, as usual, I got in the way. I’m the one starting the arguments, I’m burying myself in an attempt to keep the bit of sanity that I have, I’m not there for Travis like I used to be...

I keep fucking it up.

You’re right: this isn’t college and we can’t go on raising Travis like this. I have to start giving and stop taking. I’m not afraid of much, but I am terrified of losing you again, and I can tell that you’re on your last leg. I’m unforgiving and an entitled asshole, and you knew that when you fell in love with me, but the charm was that I never treated you like everyone else.

Well, never to this extent.

Now, I keep taking too much and don’t even think of giving anything back, and I can’t be mad that you’re ready to call off the wedding. Hell, I haven’t even seen you look at a bridal magazine in months.

If this is gonna get better at all, it’s gonna have to start with me.

~~

taglist: @emerald-evans​, @maroonsunrise83​, @nomadstucky​, @autumnrose40​, @fuckingbye​, @companionjones​, @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @mazda098​, @pono-pura-vida​

[chickenskins101]

mike wheeler

okay so with all these set photos coming out and these arguments between byler, and mileven, i think it’s time we start focusing on MIKE WHEELER.

people think that he is some b!tchy dude who is mean to his friends but people always forget that he has trauma too. but see, his trauma isn’t exactly from the upsidedown itself like wills, els or max. his comes from everyday struggles and i am here to speak my truth about that.

let’s not forget how heartbroken that kid was when his BEST friend will disappeared. I mean we’ve all seen that one scene where dustin and lucas are arguing and he’s in the middle look so depressed. for a whole week, he’s looking for will. this guy tried to 💀 himself. yeah yeah he did it for dustin, and im sure that’s part of it but for his teeth? they were baby teeth too. but he lost el, had a big fight with lucas, his best friend is still missing, and is living on one ounce of hope that will is alive after seeing his “dead” body dragged out of the water.

he grows a connection with el, then loses el. on the positive side, he did get his best friend back, but that doesn’t change the trauma we went through. but how can he express that trauma? i mean, his best friend is suffering from bullying and the side effects of coming back to life all year. how pathetic would it look to him if he started going, “when you went missing, i went through hell.” not to mention he couldn’t talk abt that to his mom or sister because barb didn’t come back. nancy has to deal with losing her best friend. at least mike got his back. that’s all that is going through his mind.

when el comes back, he can’t talk about the depression he went through after knowing what it felt like to lose will, and then to lose el for a whole year. she’s got all this trauma from the upsidedown and the lab. once again, he would look stupid if he started talking about his depression.

then his best friend and girlfriend move away to the other side of the country. cleary that destroyed him. i mean he prob thought that he would have will and el his whole life. will, who he has known for like what a decadeish? is gone. can he mourn, be sad, tell his friends that his two favourite people gone is killing jim from the inside? no! and why? because max just watched her step brother die. (i’m not a big fan of that arc cause he was literally so abusive). anyways max is going through it, thinking about what she could’ve done, isolating herself from lucas and the party. he once again probably would feel selfish if he were to mention that in front of his friends.

eddie was his friend too. cleary, he looked up to him in some shape or form. but he knows that dustin was closer AND had to watch him die. mike, wasn’t there for yet. he’s probably going through it too, knowing that someone he cared for is gone. does he even know that eddies dead yet? (pre s5 time skip). but dustin had to watch him die so it feels like him mourning would be more pathetic cause at least he wasn’t there. he can’t be as sad as everyone else when max his in the hospital bc he isn’t close enough like everyone else. that’s one of his best friends girlfriend, he has if way worse.

people forget that will and el weren’t the only ones bullied!! (dustin and lucas are also forgotten, that’s a post for later!). he was bullied his whole life too. he almost died because he was bullied. bullying, especially at a young age will affect you. i’m not excusing any of his fights he’s had with el or will, but apart of trauma and not getting help for it, means you are going to act as what you hate the most.

even the unrelated upsidedown stuff makes him look pathetic. his dad is there physically, but not emotionally. that would put a toll on anyone, having a dad that is never trying to bond or connect with you. but can he say anything about that? wills dad abuses him, dustin doesn’t have one and max had hers replaced with an abusive stepfather.

his whole life, he felt like his trauma want important enough because everyone has it worse than him. i am not shaming any other characters for their trauma, their traumas are just as important. what im trying to prove is that he isn’t some butthole teenager. he is a teenager who feels alone and keeps his feelings hidden until they explode.

plus, if you are a byler fan or a queer mike truther, you can add on to the fact that he probably hates himself for being some different weird losers who wants to be with his best friend, a man. that probably breaks all rules he grew up with.

add all these things tgt, and you get a very emotionally drained teenager who needs help.

(all the kids need therapy, srsly, why is max the only one in therapy. each kid has gone through sm, im not dissing them or ignoring their trauma, everyone’s trauma is equally important and ill make another post about each character in the future).

i really hope they talk about his trauma and depression, this dude has gone through and yet feels like it’s not important enough.

[whispering-radiance]

I was preparing a question about the characters of Eiko and Nomi, but now I have a new one. Perhaps the concept of a male heir can be traced here, or Eiko expressed a desire to engage in exorcism from early childhood. But still, why do the characters of children have such serious differences? After all, they grew up in the same atmosphere (and, perhaps, only with their father and his friend). Besides, the mentality of the time couldn't allow Nomi to not be able to stand up for himself... could it? Okay, they basically grew up without a mother, which has left Eiko devoid of some sense of values, and on top of that, their father is almost always busy. That is, Eiko can be a courageous, independent, immodest and brave girl. But why isn't Nomi like that?

You may not be looking at the mentality that allows you freedom of action (I have my doubts about school, but that doesn't matter). Still, Eiko and Nomi spend a lot of time together, and they also have a cool father (it doesn’t matter whether others know about it or not - it doesn’t stop them from being proud of their father).

And something else. Does Nomi have a complex about his sister standing up for him? Or does he simply not yet know such dark feelings as envy (and, of course, loves Eiko)?

All this is important. I think this is the reason why Nomi disobeyed his father and put on the mask.

Oh this will be a long one, but RAAAAH I will answer. Now, I should probably add that not every little doodle should be analyzed under a careful eye, sometimes I just feel silly and make things because I want to.

| A golden star for parenting |

(I’m not quite sure when exactly Eiko and Nomi were born; but it might be close to defeating the sorcerer; rather than after)

Now that wasn’t fully thought out till last weekend — Amber was a part of the family for quite a bit. I never fully stated this, I just wrote “they’ve managed to start a family before she disappeared” — But oh, even though she was, she wasn’t ideal. If you’re familiar with how Slavic moms sometimes are, then you’ll have a good image of Amber’s character.

She probably left when Nomi and Eiko were old enough to remember her, but they were pretty much still young kids.

What I can say is that she ventured to stop an ancient evil from escaping the Shadow Realm, if it had managed to get out, it would have been game over for all — but obviously I can’t go on with details because I’m still polishing the story.

| Eiko and Nomi - Kids |

I’m not sure where should I start with— Hmm well, maybe I’ll start with Nomi, because I didn’t have a chance to fully explain his character.

Nomi is dangerously smart, he’s an observer and analyzer, but that doesn’t mean he’s weak or not able to stand up for himself. He knows how he should act in certain situations, and that violence is a double edged sword. Like if he stood up to bullies at school, that would just attract unwanted attention or it would have resulted in some kind of parental intervention; and he preferred not to have all eyes on him.

While Nomi sticks with his motto of “Think before you act”, Eiko acts before thinking — At least she when she was w child.

At that time, Eiko was a mess. She tried her best to fill the void their mother had left, but this turned out to be too much of a challenge for her.

She was impulsive and often ended up causing problems for herself.

They both depended heavily on each other — providing emotional support, encouragement, and trying to keep the other from getting into too much trouble. I don’t think they ever felt envy towards each other

| Are they different for each other? |

I don’t think so — What is different about them is the way of dealing with emotions and different situations. Nomi usually bottles up his feelings, prefers to stay quiet and tries to resolve everything by himself. Eiko on the other hand takes it out on the world, usually with anger.

| Exorcism |

Hmmmm— you gotta believe me on this one, but I will write a post that goes in depth on this whole concept — But the whole business with evil and good spirits was kind of an escapism for Eiko; and also a new possible path she could take in the future

| Nomi, his disobedience |

Now this event happened later in his life, we’re talking full adult, developed brain, probably near his 30s — At that time he was already a respected master.

Whatever went through his brain was a mix of an impulsive decision and childhood dreams of wanting to be a Ninja — After all, he worked incredibly hard to archive and learn the ninja knowledge — His father’s order felt like an insult. And so he wanted to prove that the right successor was there all along.

(And like I’ve mentioned in one answer— First Ninja wasn’t fully aware of the curse, but he knew something was fishy about the way the masked acted sometimes— So trusting his gut feelings he wanted it out of his clan — for safety reasons)

[flieslikeamoron]

Haven AU!!!

So Haven AU is the Steve Can’t Feel Anything But Eddie fic. I posted the beginning part of it here. It’s not really a Haven AU because that show was one of those mystery box shows where the box is so pretty and intriguing, and then when they finally open it you find out there’s a turd inside. But the idea of a person who can’t feel anything except this one other person’s touch is from Haven. And the idea of powers that are like afflictions. Haven had a monster of the week format, but the “monsters” were just people who for the most part couldn’t control their powers and were accidentally hurting themselves or their loved ones or the town. I liked that the show was a “we try to help these people if we can” show instead of a “we kill monsters” show. Anyway the fic is only slightly related to the show but the germ came from there.

I mostly have notes not writing on this one because the original idea was honestly just vibes. Like it was just Steve Can Only Feel Eddie's Touch - Eddie Doesn't Want to Touch Anyone Because He's a Touch Telepath. So it took a while to figure out what the actual arc could be after that first accidental touch. Like why does Eddie keep touching him? Where does it go from there? I think I have the shape of it now, but of course I never know for sure if it works until I start writing it. So I do have to get on that. I’m still not even sure if I’m going to do both POVs or just Steve's, but I’ve been writing some of Eddie’s just so I know what’s going on with him. And I’ll use the stuff or not depending on whether it's needed.

These aren't exactly snippets from an actual draft, but here are a couple bits of Eddie's POV. It’s two different versions of what it could be that I wrote when I was trying to work things out.

This one was more of a he hates his power from the jump type of thing.

Eddie doesn’t realize at first what’s happening. It feels like- Feeling. Like little bursts of feeling, and maybe sometimes they don’t seem to quite- Fit. Inside him. But hell, it’s not like his mind is normally a super organized place. It’s not like his feelings have ever been- There’s always been a lot of noise is the point. Inside his head. He’s always felt a lot of shit. So of course he didn’t really notice a few… Extras.

It gets worse, but that takes a while to notice too. More than just a feeling, it’s thoughts sometimes. Fully formed. Not fitting right. It’s a place. A moment. Like a memory of something that never happened to him. Is it that weird though? The part where it doesn’t fit is weird, but his head’s always been full of worlds and characters, anywhere but here stories. That’s partly why he loves D&D so much. A way to let those things overflow. So this is, it’s not that different. It doesn’t seem... Crazy. 

And then it starts to feel like maybe it is. Maybe he is. Crazy. Fully off the tracks. Head full of jagged pieces that aren’t him. They can’t be him. Things he wouldn’t think. Things he couldn’t know. Things that aren’t real, probably anyway. Delusions. Voices inside his head. Lock you up type stuff. Because he’s lost it, completely lost it. Just like his mom.

And then this one is I think is more what I’m going with. It’s from a version where he thinks at first he can use his power to get dirt on the popular kids and the bullies. He thinks it’ll be kind of fun to have something over on them, but he quickly realizes he doesn’t actually want to drown in other people’s shit.

He doesn’t want to know sweet, pretty Chrissy Cunningham hears her mom’s voice in her head when she makes herself throw up. He doesn’t want to know Billy Hargrove’s dad hits him. Fuck, what a bottomless pit that guy’s head was. A thick black sludge of barely held back hatred, rage closing over Eddie, dragging him down. But even worse, somehow, was the soft focus light at the bottom of that bottomless pit, the glowing memory of his mom. Maybe a little too much like what Eddie thinks the picture of his own mom might look like if somebody could see into him like that. He doesn’t want to know he and Tommy Hagan have had some similar thoughts about Steve Harrington’s mouth. Mostly what it might feel like, look like wrapped around a dick. That, at least, is proper blackmail material. But he hates the familiarity of the shape of those thoughts. The useless want and the slimy coil of shame and the sickening, pathetic need for attention. Any scrap of attention. He hates seeing any echo of himself in these people. Hates the way all the ugly shit clings inside his own head long after he’s stopped touching someone. Oily streaks of pain and fear and anger. 

No, fuck all of that. He doesn’t want any of it. 

[elliesbelle]

belle what the fuck happened??? are you okay???

long story short (prob won’t be short, knowing me oops):

tw: drug overdose, suicide, hospitalization mentions

work has been one of the biggest stressors in my life lately. i’ve been getting relentlessly harassed and bullied by a coworker (and my boss has done very little in regards to it), and something happened the other day with an extremely cruel parent of one of my kids, and it triggered something in me.

i was already having a difficult time the night before in regards to my ex (had a late night arguing with him and there were many countless unkind words said about me and the kind of person i am), and i was already in an incredibly bad place, so the work thing just pushed me to the edge. so i left work early, purchased a lot of cold medicine, went home, and took it all on top of sleeping pills and other stuff i can’t remember. said goodbye to my loved ones before i eventually went to sleep.

after that, a lot of it was a blur, so what i’m relaying right now is either from the few times i was lucid or from what other people have recalled to me.

live-in ex had been driving around trying to find me after my friends at work alerted her that i’d left suddenly, but she eventually made her way back to our apartment where she found me cold in our bed, and so she called 911. she tried rousing me but she was unsuccessful. paramedics eventually came and they kept trying to wake me up and eventually brought me to the emergency room.

i’m not sure what they tried to do to me in there, but obviously they tried to flush all the drugs out or whatever. i remember very little during this time, just that they had to cut my clothes off of me and i couldn’t stay awake for long. live-in ex was there the whole time, but they didn’t let her in the room until my mom got there and declared her as family (they wouldn’t let her past the waiting area bc we’re not related, so my mom had them list her as my spouse so she could be with me).

eventually, they placed me in the ICU where i was placed on bed rest (literally was not allowed to get off my bed because there were at least like, five or six wires attached to me) the whole time. a nurse has to be in the same room as me at all times, so they rotate these different nurses in 12 hour shifts, apart from the regular lead nurse who does hourly rounds to check on me. thankfully, they allowed visitors, so live-in ex stayed with me for most of it (so did my mom and my dad briefly, but they’re not as important). when they deemed me “healthy” enough (basically they wanted to make sure i didn’t lose my liver or something), they moved me into a regular hospital room.

been in here for the past day or so now. i can still have visitors, so live-in ex, both my parents, and my baby sister have all visited me. one of my coworkers who i’m close to also surprised me with a visit (which was so sweet, i was trying not to cry). they’re thankfully allowing me to have my phone and all (i’d be going insane if not), but i’ve been mostly sleeping honestly.

i tried asking them to not admit me into the psych ward cause i hate being in the looney bin, but i don’t have much of a choice because of the “severity” of my attempt. tried to opt for outpatient, but gonna be put in inpatient whether i like it or not, so i’ll be spending christmas here in the hospital alone unfortunately. oh well.

oops, yeah, not long story short lmao. anyway, sorry for worrying y’all. i really was not as lucid as i believed i was at the time that i’d made all those cryptic posts. i wanted to spend some time writing while i’m in here, but my emotional state has been so raw recently and the past few days being in here has caused me to be a lot more blocked in regards to that. my writing is tied to my emotions, so i won’t be able to write for y’all until i can process my emotions better again.

i don’t necessarily plan to abandon y’all, but if i’m slightly less active on here than usual, please understand why.

love you all.

[riecurrents]

THROUGH THE CRACKS | CHAPTER 2

HA EUNBYEOL x JOO SEOKKYUNG

SYNOPSIS: Two wounded souls, bound and haunted by their past mistakes, meet again while embarking on a journey of remolding and forgiveness. How do they make each other realize that correcting their mistakes also involves the need to forgive themselves? Read on AO3

TAGS: post-canon, hurt/comfort, feel-good, slow burn, eventual romance, mental health issues (mostly on eunbyeol's part), trauma, angst, fluff, cohabitation, additional tags to come

READ CHAPTER 1 HERE

Since then, Eunbyeol and Seokkyung have stayed in contact. They have lots to talk about this time, after all.

“Giving me a daffodil to earn my forgiveness? What a fool, you think I’m that easy?” “Come on, the florist plucked it out for me with lots of love!” “She might as well give you money then! Money is the greatest form of love!” “Shut that, Joo Seokkyung! You sound like an evil man wanting to take over mankind out of money.” “You mean like my father?” “Oh god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to—” and all shenanigans Seokkyung says to tease Eunbyeol of her so-called seeking forgiveness agenda.

Deep inside, Seokkyung knows more than anyone that Eunbyeol owes her nothing. There’s nothing that Seokkyung needs to forgive Eunbyeol for because all the things she had done were not just her fault. The bullying? The two of them instigated it with their own free will. Her mother’s death? Eunbyeol was merely shackled by Cheon Seojin. If that were her mom, she would’ve done worse. She knows it herself. 

“I’ve been taking a walk around the church compound, something I’ve never done since I got there.”

“Wow, you’re a hermit in the making,” Seokkyung fakes a gasp. “What made you touch grass then?”

“Well, you said you’re trying to find more side jobs. So I went through asking around if there’s one available,” then Eunbyeol enthusiastically hands her a couple of crumpled pamphlets. “And I’ve seen these plastered at the post lights.” Then she proceeds to scatter the postings one by one in front of the befuddled Seokkyung. “Waitress, homeschool tutor, and, uh… Janitress at the Mookwon building—but I hope you don’t accept this because I visited that place after seeing the job posting. It’s so big you might end up straining your body.”

“You must be kidding me,” Seokkyung’s mouth hangs open and it’s all she has managed to say.

“O-oh, why?” And now Eunbyeol seems flustered. “Did I go too far? I’m sorr—”

“I forgive you for your sins,” Seokkyung cuts her off, nodding, still wide-eyed at the pamphlets she’s reading one by one this time around. “Who knows you could be an angel if you tried?”

“Oh stop, you!” Eunbyeol reddens. For some reason, she still couldn’t get used to Seokkyung’s sharp mouth. If she had the gall to point it out, she wants the girl to stop being snarky and teasing all the time. It never fails to fluster her! “A-anyway, I didn’t do that for free, okay? You promised me you’d visit the church someday.”

“Oh…” Seokkyung seems to have totally forgotten about it, making Eunbyeol’s pout more apparent. “Heh, just kidding! Didn’t I tell you I’d do that in exchange for you visiting my class one of these days? Look at you being here at my table! Seriously, you don’t need to do this much for me.”

Eunbyeol could only smile. Well, she seems like she'd gone too far after all. It’s just that the thought of Seokkyung working near her residence fills her with warmth for some reason. Maybe Seokkyung’s right that fateful day they met at the cafe. Maybe she really has no friends to hang out with.

“But I’ll be sure to check these out,” Seokkyung beams at her, that bunny-like smile brightening Eunbyeol’s features. “I’ll pay you back with this effort one of these days, okay?”

There’s no need, really. Eunbyeol thinks to herself. Her presence is more than enough to keep her at ease. Who would’ve thought? The past Eunbyeol could never imagine clinging to Seokkyung subtly this way.

Seokkyung’s class comes, but not before she tours Eunbyeol all over the school first. The tiny art school was far from the grandeur of Cheong-Ah, but Seokkyung seems surprisingly at home in it. Watching her in action—pointing here and there, scolding running children in the hallway, glaring at the couple doing a public display of affection at a secluded spot, among others—is actually entertaining.

Now, Eunbyeol is seated at the back of the room, watching Seokkyung conduct the students. They abruptly halt when Seokkyung hisses sharply, immediately intimidated by the short gesture.

“Alright, kids, that was…” Seokkyung’s eyes narrow, taking a long, dramatic pause, then sighs. “Utterly despicable. Are you guys listening to yourselves? You can't be serious!” she groans, disappointment palpable.

Eunbyeol shakes her head in dismay all the while stifling her laugh. What a temper this teacher has. She just knows the students talk about her badly after class.

“But! Thank me because I’m your ever-so-passionate teacher and I’m sooo thrilled to watch you improve from sick frogs into actual loving singers!” The shift in demeanor made the students flinch. Some things never change, Eunbyeol could only say to herself. “Here’s my friend who used to be one of the pioneers in Cheong Ah Arts, Ha Eunbyeol! Come on, Eunbyeol, give them a piece.”

The students start whispering to each other upon hearing the familiar name. Eunbyeol hears them mentioning Cheon Seojin at one point while she makes her way to the front of the room—not that it surprised her, it’s indeed a controversial name known by aspiring singers and the like. That’s why Eunbyeol is so thankful Seokkyung didn’t introduce her as the then primadonna’s child. It’s as though she understands what it takes to separate oneself from a parent who has been your extension for so long.

Seokkyung doesn’t need to hush them to acquire silence, because as soon as Eunbyeol starts singing, all of them are quickly in awe. Well, Seokkyung isn’t excluded from the charm of her voice. Not only has it been a very long time since Eunbyeol sang in front of her, but she's also singing a song that has been the trademark of Bae Rona, Lascia ch'io pianga.

Rona, the girl whom Eunbyeol had deeply wronged.

Let me weep my cruel fate,

Seokkyung can only watch in silence. Eunbyeol sounds different than her usual strong croons. There’s a charming lilt to her voice, one more liberated contrary to the then Eunbyeol onstage guided by the then primadonna.

So that I may sigh at my lost freedom.

Seokkyung could notice the limitations brought by the slash Eunbyeol had inflicted on her own neck that fateful day in the trial court, but it never made it less beautiful. It lacks the pressure, the conscious gazing, the anxiety lurking underneath the big smile as she hits a falsetto.

Let me weep my cruel fate, so that I may sigh at my lost freedom.

If one would squint, unaware of the facet of whatever Eunbyeol is trying to reclaim, they would see it clearly while she sings. When Seokkyung heard Rona sing it at the big stadium for the first time, she wept, remembering all that’s lost and those they’re trying to live on. If not for her students watching right now, she would’ve cried too. But this time with Eunbyeol, she chooses to smile—proudly so—for the kindness crooning out of Eunbyeol’s once shattered and rotten heart.

Grief may shatter the bonds of my sufferings out of pity alone

Eunbyeol has already come so far, maybe even farther than Seokkyung could ever go—she knows it herself. If there’s someone in this sinful world who would deserve most redemption and forgiveness—as much as she wants it to be her—it would be no other than the girl singing in front of her. Eunbyeol whom she thinks never got the privilege of a mom as kind as Suryeon’s, and yet is trying her best to live with it and atone for being Seojin’s daughter.

She owns herself the same way she owns her and her mother’s sin.

And not everyone in this world could go that far.

Seokkyung hid her face from the students to wipe a tear.

When the students are dismissed and Seokkyung busies herself fixing the chairs, Eunbyeol approaches with a teasing glint in her eyes. “So, how was it? Not so pioneer Cheong-Ah student now, am I?”

Seokkyung looks at her, eyebrows arched. “Who would’ve known Ha Eunbyeol’s most captivating performance would not be onstage, but in a measly classroom five times smaller than Cheong Ah’s? Not so pioneer indeed, how are you hide that from the school that brought you up?!”

Eunbyeol’s laugh echoes all over the room, pleasuring Seokkyung’s ear unknowingly. “But speak of, I pity your kids! My goodness, Seokkyung, don’t you think that was a bit harsh? They’re not from Cheong-Ah.”

Seokkyung rolls her eyes, arms crossed. “Come on, they deserve it! Have you ever heard them sing? If that performance were an audition, they wouldn’t even make it into a karaoke bar!”

Eunbyeol tsks, shaking her head. “Maybe have a little patience? You know, encouragement goes a long way. Not every student can be scolded into greatness like we were back then.”

“Oh, believe me, I’ve tried encouragement,” Seokkyung lets out an exasperated sigh. “They need something stronger—like divine intervention.” But her expression softens just a bit when her gaze lands at Eunbyeol. “Oh well, you should’ve seen their faces when you sang for them—they looked positively hopeless.”

At this, Eunbyeol’s cheeks flushed a soft pink. She looks down, fumbling with the strap of her bag. If this remark comes from someone like Seokkyung, it is indeed praise worth noting. It makes it even harder for her to believe. She touches the scar on her neck, the very scar that has ruined her singing for good. “You’re… being nice. You don’t have to say that just because we’re friends.”

But then, Seokkyung seems to know that for a fact. She raises an eyebrow, her gaze unwavering as she snarks, “Haven’t you figured out that I don’t sugarcoat things?”

And so the latter could only smile shyly, the compliment settling in her chest like a pleasant warmth. Her elderly choirmates have always praised her, but now, for some reason, it sounds different with Seokkyung. This time, her praises are holding weight, something about it that makes her feel flustered in a way she couldn’t quite explain.

Actually, the fluster has been happening more often than she cares to admit.

“Alright, alright,” Eunbyeol manages to say, clearing her throat as she gathers herself. “Well, I’m flattered… I think.” Then a small laugh follows suit as she looks away. “But you could still go a little easier on them. I’m sure they’re doing their best.”

Seokkyung rolls her eyes, a glimmer of playful mischief in it. After all, lately, she seems to have a hard time denying Eunbyeol. “Fine, fine. I’ll try to be nicer. Just don’t expect me to start handing out hugs and compliments every time they sing in tune.”

“Oh god. Wouldn’t want you to break character, don’t worry.” The latter shudders at the thought of it, though it doesn’t seem that bad if Eunbyeol thinks about it. “I think they’d be too scared if you suddenly got all sweet on them.”

The warmth lingers for the rest of the afternoon especially whenever she thinks of Seokkyung’s words. Her honesty—although unfiltered most of the time—makes Eunbyeol admire her in a manner she hasn’t felt before, not in a long time at least. They part ways when evening comes, leaving Eunbyeol with a bubbling warmth in her chest.

Much to her oblivion, however, Seokkyung would feel the exact way weeks after, when she finally visits Eunbyeol’s choir practice.

At first, she finds herself sitting at the back of the church, croons of the elderly voices surrounding her as they rehearse. Eunbyeol seems to lead them, completely in her element, voice soft but commanding, as though she was born to do just that—to nurture the singing voices of people whose caliber might never even meet hers. Seokkyung watches, in awe, as she witnesses a Cheon Seojin if she instead became a teacher more passionate and gentler, merely smiling and chuckling at the mistakes her students commit, and having them really hung on to her every instruction. She can't tear her eyes away from Eunbyeol as she gently corrects the altos and nods in approval whenever her sopranos hit the right note. Eunbyeol is loved here, respected, and it’s clear she deserves it after everything she has gone through.

As much as Seokkyung doesn’t want to admit, this way of teaching bears fruit at the end of the practice because they have sung surprisingly well. A bunch of amateurs have managed to tickle Seokkyung’s ears, all because of Eunbyeol’s gentle teaching. What a day worth noting.

But most importantly, she’s afraid Eunbyeol might be wrong. These people are more than just choir members or friends as she claims so—they are like family to her, doting on her with affection that reminded Seokkyung of a time long past, a time when things were simpler when Eunbyeol was just a snarky little teenager who lives off people’s praises.

“Seokkyung!” Eunbyeol calls her out in surprise, her yelp snapping her back from the ponders. Seems like she had spotted Seokkyung in the back corner where she’d been sitting silently for the last hour, and now Eunbyeol’s face is full of worry. “How long have you been here?”

Seokkyung looks up, startled. She hadn’t realized how much time had passed, the last few hours seemingly vanishing like sand through her fingers. When she glanced around, she could see the evening light fading outside, and to her surprise, it was already past dinner time. She never expected to just sit there throughout the whole practice. Hell, she was supposed to introduce herself to Eunbyeol’s choirmates! But there’s something about the atmosphere that made her forget the ticking clock and the encroaching worries of her own feelings. 

“Oh, I just got here,” she lies, not wanting to admit she’d been sitting there far longer than she intended. “You’re busy. I didn’t want to interrupt your practice.”

Eunbyeol, still frowning, doesn’t seem convinced, but since Seokkyung looks out of it, she just softly nudges. “You must be starving then. Come on, let’s go grab dinner. You’re gonna come back here next practice and I’m gonna introduce you to them, okay?”

At dinner, they settle into a quiet corner of a small, local restaurant, with the warm scent of kimchi filling the air. Seokkyung took a sip of water before saying the thing on her mind while observing the girl. “Your choir mates seem... really kind.” 

Eunbyeol’s face lights up. “They are! They’re doting in a manner that could be quite concerning, but I like it more than I can imagine. Sometimes I feel like I’m their honorary child.” Then all of a sudden, she sounds and looks like a kid all giddy and nice with her storytelling, her voice full of warmth. “ They always ask about me, make sure I’m okay... especially the mothers. Did I mention the time when I wasn’t in the mood to eat until one of them pulled out a huge casserole of seaweed soup for everyone to share? They did it just to fill my stomach because they don’t want to see me losing weight!”

Seokkyung laughs, the sound surprisingly light. “I can see why you enjoy it here. You’re the baby of the group now, huh?”

“I love it!” Eunbyeol grins, a little sheepish. “They worry about me a lot, but... it’s kind of nice. To have people worry about someone like me, as much as I don’t deserve it.”

Seokkyung almost counters her statement quickly, but then she realizes it’s not the time for that. Not yet. “Must be nice. You seem to be equally worried about them. Doing your best to improve their singing and all that.” She stares down at her food, unsure why she suddenly feels a pang of something unfamiliar in her chest.

“Next time you come, I’ll introduce you to them! They’ve been asking about you too, you know.” Eunbyeol says enthusiastically. “They’re all curious why I’ve been hanging out with a teacher from the small art school. They think it’s adorable that I have someone my age to talk to.”

Seokkyung can’t help but laugh at the thought. “They want to set me up with someone, huh?”

“No!” Eunbyeol chuckles, shaking her head. “It’s not like that. I’d be mad if they do that.”

"Well, next time we will. I’ll have to check my schedule though. I’ve been so busy that I barely have time for anything else. The school’s been quite... well, difficult.”

Eunbyeol leans forward, concern flashing in her eyes. “What happened?”

“One of my part-time jobs didn’t pay me on time. It made me miss my rent. I’m trying to make up for it, but now the landlord’s really pushing me. I have to find a way to come up with the rent soon, really.”

Eunbyeol’s expression falters, her heart aching for Seokkyung. “You should ask Seokhoon for help. He’s doing well now, right? A successful pianist and all...”

But then, mentioning Seokhoon abruptly brings a pang of guilt in Eunbyeol’s chest. The last time she saw him, he had been nothing but kind to her. He’s the only one who had visited her at the hospital to thank her for what she had done, and to apologize for what happened to her Mom.

And Bae Rona, the person she’s been trying to rid of her head for so long.

She hadn’t seen them in years, but the thought of their successful lives made her feel like an outsider. She hurt them both so much back then, and she still feels the weight of her sins.

What cuts her ruminations off is Seokkyung shaking her head vehemently. “No! I’d rather die than ask him for help. He’s... he’s not someone I can depend on, not after everything.”

Eunbyeol falls silent. What a stubborn girl, she almost chuckles. She could see the deep pride in Seokkyung, the same pride that had driven her to such extremes in the past. It’s clear that no matter how much Seokkyung is struggling, she would rather endure it all than seek help from the people who love her.

“That’s going to kill you one day.”

Seokkyung scoffs, her eyes bitter. “Maybe it should. It’s what I deserve.”

There, Eunbyeol is rendered into silence. Seems like she’s not the only one who deems so lowly of herself. The things she had done, the people she had hurt, all that darkness still lingered in her, clouding her self-worth.

Eunbyeol bites her lip, thinking for a moment before she blurts out an unexpected offer.

“Live with me, then.”

“W-what?”

“It’s hard managing the house all on my own. It gets lonely, you know,” Eunbyeol continues, her voice more confident now. “My dad’s old place has an extra room. We don’t have to worry about rent—it’s part of a small complex he owned and rented for others before he passed away.”

Seokkyung stares at her, speechless for a long moment. “But... I can’t repay you immediately.”

Eunbyeol smiles softly, gaze steady. “In exchange, help me find a pet. That place has always been so empty since I moved in. I think a cat would bring life to it, no? How about a dog? The thought of someone waiting for me at home kind of excites me!”

Seokkyung hesitates, her mind spinning. The offer seems too good to be true. She had been downplaying the situation with her landlord, but now it seemed like this might be the lifeline she needed.

Finally, she nods meekly, so unlikely of the prideful Joo Seokkyung. “O-okay. I’ll think about it.”

They share a quiet moment sitting across from each other, both tentative yet hopeful. They both have their burdens, but for the first time in a long time, they’re not carrying them alone.

<<< prev

[spiritsaraginghomo]

A few days ago my mom broke the news,

she got the job,

we’re moving,

we’re going to finally be stable,

we’re going to have money,

we’re going to live,

we can get a house, we can go to college without worrying about crippling debt, we can get nice things, do fun things, go on vacations, travel the world….

We did it

My parents have done nothing but fight for their lives just to make sure me and my siblings don’t end up like them,

They were uneducated

They had no future

Yet they fought, because of us

When we struggled in school or were bullied

They fought

When me and my brother came out

They loved and cared

They forsake meals and warmth for us

They got above the poverty line for us

She went to college and got the first well paying job in our family history, for us

They tried everything to get out out of here, we attempted to immigrate to other countries, and when we failed they tried everything to get jobs in another state, somewhere safe, somewhere forgiving.

For us

We had no future

We were starving

We couldn’t get the gifts we wanted

We wore old hand me down clothes and shoes

We participated in everything that gave us free meals

We grew up unaware and happy

We didn’t know what they were going through

Then we learned

We shared that suffering

I knew myself

I always knew who I was even without words to define the feelings

But they were always there

My parents always helped me experiment and explore

I learned about queerness

My mother learned of hers as I learned of mine

My father always loved and supported

I am loved

It kept me going

It kept me alive

Even when my closest friends didn’t make it

Even when blood stained the walls of my school, of my city, of my state

I hated it, why did they die, I’ll never forgive the kids who did it

The others left and fled, just so they’d be able to live

Money got tighter and tighter

More left more died

Senior year, and I became the last man standing in a pool of blood and an abandoned lunch table

Everyone I once called a friend either hated me for my identity, died trying to explore and protect theirs, or left to preserve themselves

Murder, accidents, suicide

6 forgotten names, not a single soul said a word of what happened to all of them, left to rot on news articles

Just when I thought I’d survive

Half my life disappeared, my black cat, who was starting to grey with age, dead in our own driveway

Next door the neighbors dog couldn’t handle it, she lost her best friend, not even a week after, and she simply went to sleep

All in the final month, the final stretch, things were going so well, I thought

I left school with a bloodstained diploma and a shattered heart

All that was left for me was family and my online friends

Our stories, our art

It kept me alive

For so long

I have felt like nothing but a dead man walking

Nothing but fantasy and make believe to keep me company

Yet it all changes in just a few weeks

Im going to make it

Im going to live

I have a future

I will thrive

Im sorry to those I leave behind

Im sorry to those I couldn’t protect

Im sorry I couldn’t see the bigger picture

I’m sorry that I’ve forgotten your names

Your faces

I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you all when you needed it

I wish it was different

I wished that you’d all be happy and alive

But now it’s just me

I’ll make them proud, I’ll remember their names, I’ll remember their hopes

I’m going to live

I want to make people prosper

I want to do something with meaning

I want to make the world better

Make it beautiful

Everyone deserves happiness

Everyone deserves life

It starts now

It starts with this move

It starts with these new jobs

It starts.

I finally feel like I can create for the sake of creating, that it doesn’t need to be the thread that kept me hanging

I love you mom and dad, I love my friends, I love my siblings, my cats and dogs, everyone means so much to me, thank you to everyone who has ever supported me in life and kept me going

I’m finally going to be ok

[ramblingroommate]

9-1-1 season 1 ep. 3 “Next of Kin”

Why do I care so much about these characters I’ve known for a total of 15 seconds? The dad is overcompensating sure, but he’s trying so hard to make this birthday party special for his son after a divorce (or maybe the mom died?) and him having another son with a new woman (who he’s been an asshole to because he doesn’t want his son to think he loves them more than him). And something is about to go wrong because that’s the show but I hope no one dies and they all resolve their conflicts and say how much they love each other.

I get attached really easily okay?

….?

I’m sorry what? Chimney is complaining about never getting to do any of the fun stuff? Chimney? Mr. I’m-scared-of-everything? THAT Chimney?

I’m lost. Haven’t we spent the first two episodes establishing how Chimney is scared of everything? He was scared of the snake, literally ran away from the dogs and Hen even made fun of him saying something along the lines of “when was the last time you jumped over something or ran into a fire?”

Here, I even looked for it again. Hen literally says he hasn’t ran into a burning building in such a long time they can’t even remember when that was...

And now, from one episode to the next, he gets annoyed because he never gets to do any of the fun stuff?

Maybe I shouldn’t be so stuck on this but it was one of the two main traits they clearly outlined for him so I’m having some trouble understanding how I could have gotten it wrong. Or maybe it’s done on purpose? I’ll keep watching...

And we’re back! It did feel weird starting with a different case but the father and son thing distracted me long enough lol

Also you can see that Athena is a cop and is used to not freaking out in stressful situations because she makes sure her son is safe and not freaking out and calling Michael, all this while being scared for her daughter.

Poor Athena, she must feel so guilty and responsible even tho it’s not her fault. I have to say that the actress has been killing these scenes, she sells the pain and fear so well. Also the remaining in control through the fear! She’s scared but she needs to hold herself together for her daughter. I think the actress’ (Angela Bassett I believe?) job was even harder because it’s just episode three and we don’t really know these characters yet. We’ve seen May maybe two (three?) times so far, we’re not attached to her yet, so our pain comes entirely from her performance. And what a job she’s doing

I think I’ve said it before but I love little touches of realism that make shows more believable (she had to rush out so she didn’t take her phone). It’s nothing important but my mind always gets stuck on those little details (in a positive way).

Also Michael is here! I wonder how they’ll handle the situation (and each other).

Do you really think now is the time for this, Michael? Talking about blame right now is not going to solve anything, you should concentrate on May.

Mmmmh this is interesting. I have to admit, I was wondering this same thing after last episode. It definitely came out of nowhere but that could be because we’re just beginning to get to know the characters - or maybe there IS something else going on. Maybe it’s not one big thing that happened but a bunch of smaller things that together became too much. It could be school, friends, boyfriend, self esteem PLUS the whole Michael thing (maybe it got out and she started to get bullied for it?).

Poor guys. This is a pretty realistic conversation, after all there IS a time in a kid’s life when they are unable to express their needs and wants and it’s their parents job to understand what they need and provide it for them. The transition from “you’re my whole word and I depend on you for everything” to “I’m older now and not only will I not tell you what I’m going through but I will actively keep some things from you” can be really hard to accept.

Oh… oh no.

This scene is breaking my fucking heart for Athena 💔

Michael is not hurting her on purpose (he didn’t know what was going on), but Athena needs her family right now and Michael’s boyfriend being there just reminds her how broken their situation is.

So it has nothing to do with Michael at all! I thought it may be a mix of that and something else but nope. I’m glad… or as glad as I can be about such a situation but still.

Also, I know Athena is going to go mental on that girl because hearing May talking about it made MY blood boil.

I fucking hate bullies

Oof this is relentless, emotional punch after emotional punch (╥.╥)

I mean I don't blame the social worker and it's good that these protocols exist but it makes it so hard on them in this situation.

Oh wow, I love this scene

First of all the actress is absolutely killing it, I actually teared up a bit. The hurt in her voice, the fierceness, her eyes, everything.

Second, the writing is really on point too. We saw Athena's tough side in the first episodes and now her vulnerability. But THIS specific scene and dialogue merges the two so well. She is distraught but focused, angry but caring ("I may want to slap you with my left hand, but my right hand is holding you and the kids tight). Such good characterization.

And now Chimney...

I'm keeping my eyes on you sir (¬_¬)

I'm sorry Chimney got rejected but you should talk with your partner about how you both feel about marriage BEFORE proposing... also how long have they been together? I was under the impression it was pretty recent (like less than a year)

Bobby... I agree with you but also that was probably the worst thing you could have told him in that moment. Show some empathy man

Okay... I'm a bit conflicted about this. The lead up to Bobby and Chimney's argument felt a bit contrived to me BUT I'm actually enjoying the confrontation.

Also there is definitely something wrong with Bobby's family, I wonder what it is...

YOU WERE FUCKING AFRAID OF EVERYTHING UNTIL LAST EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MAN

Also I side with Bobby on this one if it wasn't clear enough.

He is going pretty fast and keeps getting distracted... is he going to get in an accident?

Well FUCK

Also there was no one in the car while filming lol

Wait really? They're doing a Phineas Gage? It's so weird seeing a case based on a real story I actually know about.

I wonder if Chimney will have long lasting effects or if they'll just hand wave it away (Phineas Gage's injury "only" affected his personality and behavior because the bar destroyed his frontal lobe, the angle of Chimney's metal bar is completely different).

part 2

[iamtheangelofdeath]

TW MENTION OF SA

A good chunk of my life has been nothing but Hell,somedays I feel like I deserve it because in my eyes I feel like I’m a terrible person while some I think I didn’t and deserve better

My biological father left me when I was about two or three he abandoned me because he wasn’t ready to be a father despite having around ten kids and maybe more all from different women (I’m the second oldest,I’m 22)

I’d constantly get bullied throughout school also. For being fat. For being ugly. Everything under the sun. Yet I’d get in trouble for sticking up for myself. I had no real friends either and I still don’t which is why I’m always online since I only have online friends

At the age of three or four (bear with me my memory is shit) I’d start getting molested by somebody I trusted (well,my moms best friends father whom I considered to be my grandpa seeing as at the time I didn’t have one.). I can remember every fucking detail and each time it makes me sick. It makes me feel used,if it gets to me too much I’ll take a shower and scrub my skin despite it happening years ago. I remember when I’d be in a room alone and he’d wait…he’d wait for the perfect moment to strike that in question was whenever I’d leave said room whether it be to go use the bathroom or go elsewhere then he’d just stand in the doorway,his fat frame blocking any means of escape though at the time I was skinny so I’d try to get past only for him to grab me and fondle me. His disgusting hands would go up my shirt to touch my flat chest (I remember asking him to help me fix a sports bra I was wearing and he did that as well) or slither down my pants or skirt to touch my vagina through my underwear,how long it’d last I’m not sure though he’d eventually stop. I remember being in their son’s room sitting on the bed playing on their GameCube lo and behold here comes that vile pig only this time he has his flaccid penis hanging out from his fly for my innocent eyes to see,I’m forever grateful that I ran out the room when I did otherwise I’m for sure he would’ve deflowered me right then and there if I just stared at him like a deer in headlights. Another time it finally clicked in my head that what he was doing to me was wrong so when he did it yet again I said “no!” to which he said “yes!”. I can’t wrap my head around how somebody could ruin a child’s innocence. I would eventually tell everyone when I was at my aunts having a panic attack when I was proposed the idea of staying the night at her house with her and her boyfriend (I was afraid he’d do what my abuser did to me even tho he would never do that). We went to court for this only for my case to be dropped due to lack of evidence which I suppose I can understand since words don’t really do much but even then why.

He got to live a life as a free man up until he passed away in 2018 despite what he did to me all while it affected me so bad that I was anxious around men,I oversexualized myself on Kik (which got me groomed by so many sick FUCKS),and honestly I started to wonder if I DID make it up since his family said I was lying (no little kid should know what a grown man’s dick looks like nor should they even know about sex or SA but okay-) that and when his wife asked on his deathbed if he did all that to me he said he didn’t to which she sided with him (I’ll always find it ironic how she swore she’d protect her granddaughter from creeps yet never protected me from her predator of a husband since she was too occupied on the computer or watching reruns of MASH in the living room)The trauma from both getting molested AND getting groomed online was so bad that I’d get hostile with mom (hit her,slap her,berate and cuss at her,tell her I hate her) when I was a little girl all the way ‘til I was around 16-17? I still feel guilt and regret for what I had done. She did so much for me despite being a single mother and giving birth to me when she was still in highschool despite her mother telling her she should abort me and even kicking her out the house to go live on her own n forcing her to quit her job at Dominoes,how she still loves me despite all the turmoil and hell I put her through during that time is beyond me

As for the grooming I’d get groomed by grown men on Kik,some would give me money to send them nudes (I was 15-16 at the time) and some would threaten me into sending them then threaten to show my parents it and blame me for sending them. Some would threaten to rape me,some threatened to dox me,some sent me full blown CP out of nowhere,some would send me dick pics knowing my age,some reassured that the lewd stuff I was doing as a teen was okay it was “hot”,someone said my body looked like the underside of a pig,overall it wasn’t a good experience to say the least. It baffles me how that app is still up especially since CP is a major problem on there and people just trade it like it’s fuckin’ Pokemon cards or some shit either way I fucking hate that app and I hate that most ppl have gotten away with abusing other underaged kids on there-

I genuinely hate that the sexual abuse I endured warped my mind into thinking that sending nudes to random men that I talked to or rped with would make em like me (I did this when I was 18,19 or 20 I don’t remember-) thinking back about it it always makes me feel gross,used and nothing but an object to ogle at.

All my ex partners were horrible in some way or another (I had one leave me after a week in favor of my then at the time best friend,one cheated on me bc I wasn’t comfy with being called mommy,one said he wasn’t using me despite him using me for nudes and to just wank you get it-) BUT the worst one was this sick pedo fuck.

He messaged me asking if I wanted to date him so I got excited and said yes. I should’ve said no.

Keep in mind that I used to age regress in 2019 bare in mind and when he found out I had the gear (adult pacifiers,littleforbig onesies,all that stuff),he’d ask for pictures. Wanted a pic of me with pigtails wearing one of them which at first felt normal until he started asking me to take nasty pics. Most of the time I didn’t want to to which he’d keep pressuring me until I caved in but others I’d do it for the sake of appeasing him since I wanted to be loved. The onesie he made me wear in question looked like this.

Aaaaaanywho I remember once he was making me get off for him and he wanted me to put the dildo I was using on myself in my ass to which I told him no it’d hurt and he kept persisting despite me saying NO because “daddy said so” to which again,I caved in and shoved the large toy inside of my anus that shit hurt so bad but I did it anyway just because I wanted his love and validation. Eventually I started to wonder if he loved me and when I asked he simply sent me memes because he didn’t like confrontation. Oh well,I left him though last year I discovered that he had forced himself onto other people I was friends with on Facebook and did shit like that. Thanks Josiah. Thanks for tainting age regressing for me. Thank you for making me throw out most of my gear because it left a nasty scar.

Nowadays I’m still bitter that everybody on Twt got away with making fun of me for having BPD,anger issues,autism (basically ableism-) and not being comfortable with sharing Dude just because they deem me as a bad person. Making a mockery of me and saying I’m obsessive solely because I’m emotionally connected to Dude. I can’t look at ship art of him or nsfw of him involved with others without feeling sick and betrayed. I know it isn’t canon but still.

I have said some childish n regretful things in the heat of the moment I will gladly own up to it because I’m not gonna excuse my behavior but I’m not a bad person. I’m not a bad person for rightfully getting upset that my boundaries were overstepped and they kept making me uncomfortable despite me telling them to stop to which I’m the bad guy and I apparently start drama (despite them starting it,Twt users loves to cancel people for stupid shit- also funny how the twt Postal fandom “cancelled” me yet it’s hush hush about that person who made a skinhead Dudesona,that weirdo who fetishizes rape n draws gore porn,racists,transphobes/anti lgbt,folks using others for free art,and true crime weirdos that glorify Columbine or say serial killers are cute). I’m not a bad person for worrying about someone’s well being and getting worried that they were getting groomed,I still feel guilty for wrongfully saying the person was a pedo but I apologized to them it’s not like I did it out of malice or spite I was just genuinely worried bc I didn’t want that person to go through the shit I went through. I’m not a bad person for sticking up for myself when that true crime freak was making fun of me (they were insulting me bc of my mental illnesses n took a screenshot of my bio to make fun of it,my autism,my selfshipping and called me fat but all of a sudden it’s bad when I go on pop off on them. Again I went overboard with my “at least my wrists don’t look like this” remark with a screenshot of their SH I know that and I regret it but honestly don’t insult someone and expect them to take kindly to it-). I hate every last motherfucker that abandoned me. I hate Izzy for saying she was my bestie and that she’d never leave me despite her blocking me on every social media platform because she’s nothing but a disgusting pig that wants to be popular and mooches off others for free art. I hate Son Of Satan for defending people making fun of me because in their words “you were acting like you were good and everyone was bad,they were just joking” (using your logic that just means I was joking when I made that SH comment or called your little buddy a fucking clown like what??? I at least owned up to what I did and knew it was wrong meanwhile you’re pulling excuses out your ass to make it seem like you’re a good person when in reality you and everyone that left me behind are nothing but shit stains) and using suicide as a tactic to make me feel guilty (to which it did,looking back I should’ve told them to do it or laughed at them but sadly I have a heart of gold and want to help people despite some not deserving the time of day also they said their parents hated them which I wouldn’t be surprised if it was true because if that failed abortion was my kid I’d hate them too-),I hate their little buddy Chell for playing victim all the fucking time despite being a shit human (I made a post regarding a completely different person once and they somehow thought it was ab them so they sent their white knights to go harass me and make fun of my looks n self shipping also according to them I’m a “pedophile” because I’m telling fatherless teens that probably get bullied at school to leave me the fuck alone (also one of them said “minors can’t harass people” like?? Quit making excuses for being an asshole-),I hate every last one of those motherfuckers. It just felt like a punch in the face when one of my favorite artists said “your behavior was embarrassing” and then I’m pretty sure a post they made on tumblr was about me it was something among the lines of “oh I’m not an obsessive fangirl maybe I would be though in 2007” yadayadayada.

The constant dwelling each and every waking moment,wishing bad upon them,thinking about them in rather horrific situations which isn’t morally right just because I loathe them,how I’d never eat because I was constantly paranoid and if I did I’d just nitpick,how I relapsed and self harmed,how I wasted my tears on people that had long moved on,countless failed suicide attempts because I wholeheartedly believed that that’s what they wanted and that they’d be happy with that decision. It’s not fair. They don’t deserve to be happy or get recognition and all those friends,I DO. I can’t bring myself to forgive them,I really wanted to but I just can’t especially when I went through all of that shit in the span of 4. Fucking. Months.