#because genuinely this man has been through hell and back so this isn't his worst nightmare out of lack of imagination

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Can we talk about how Barry's worst nightmare was being unable to save Wally and losing his humanity

BRUH THATS WHAT I'M SAYING

I'm fucking unhinged over this. Like genuinely. Best thing to come out of that event like hands down. That was such a Dad™ moment. A certified Dad™ event.

[thatmexisaurusrex]

Man (gn), I have this idea for a breakup/makeup story for Buck and Tommy that I'll probably place in the Denial-Verse.

I think it's going to happen after Gerrard has taken over the 118. And for weeks, Buck's been coming home and decompressing. He's been talking about the experience of it, and Tommy's been there for him. He's been listening. He understands just how bad it can be to work under Gerrard. And it's draining for both of them to work through it, especially as it becomes a facet of their lives.

But sometimes in a relationship, one partner needs more love and care than the other for a period of time. It's a balance of giving, and you support who you love. So, Tommy can do that. He can be there for Buck.

But living with that constant low-level to high-level trauma isn't good for anyone.

Slowly but surely, they both become a little raw and stressed and prickly because dealing with that sort of stuff for a long period of time can get to people.

Then, Tommy has the worst shift. One of the worst shifts in his life. It was genuinely terrible and there were some horrible moments not just because of how bad the shift went, but because people didn't treat Tommy particularly well either.

And so he comes home to Buck's apartment, and he tries to start talking about the shift. And Buck talks about his own shift, but this hits Tommy the wrong way. Because they're always talking about how bad Buck's shifts are now. And sometimes, maybe Tommy's shift was bad and he wants to talk about it. And Tommy's feeling insecure about how it feels like this is some sort of "my shift was worse" competition with how Buck framed his response to Tommy talking about his shift from hell.

And they get into an argument.

Not because either of them feels like they don't deserve to have space to talk about what's happened to them, but from a clear misunderstanding and a tiredness from both having horrible shifts and a rawness from the last few weeks that has made them both a little less patient than they usually are. And neither of them are exactly expressing themselves in a way that makes them feel like they're actually getting anywhere with this fight, their first big fight.

And Tommy decides to go home to his apartment. To calm down. To clear his head. To try not to be mad about this because maybe he gets to have a moment to talk about bad shit, even if Buck's going through it too.

And Buck's not happy about it, he says as much, but he doesn't stop Tommy from leaving. And for Tommy's part, Tommy expressly tells Buck this isn't him leaving leaving, he's not abandoning Buck, but he needs the space, and Buck concedes to that. And respects Tommy when Tommy asks Buck to let Tommy be the one to reach out when he's ready to finish this conversation.

And Buck's confused and annoyed and frustrated and mad at himself for not understanding what went wrong with the conversation; at Tommy for putting a pause button on the argument. He starts going around asking for advice to figure out what to do because he wants to work through this, he just doesn't know how.

And Tommy becomes insular. He places back that distance he used to have before he started to open up with Evan's influence, but through prodding from his friends - from Lucy and Melton and Chimney and Eddie - Tommy concedes and starts to actually work through why he reacted like that; tries to figure out how he can talk to Buck about this.

And after another shift, Tommy meets up with Buck at the 118 to pick him up from work because Tommy always picks Buck up from work on his second shift of the week, that's just what they do. Which is tense more because of Gerrard, but they walk out together. Tommy drives them.

And the drive is a little aimless. And the silence they start with - it isn't uncomfortable, it's actually very comfortable. There's a love there that hasn't gone away; hasn't disappeared because of one giant fight. They love each other's company.

And they start to actually talk things through. With some time and clearer heads and advice from friends, they explain how they feel to one another. How Buck hadn't meant to bring up what happened to him that day to minimize what happened to Tommy. How Tommy didn't mean to lash out, but he's always had problems opening up about how he's felt, about putting his own negative feelings out there for someone to judge. And he needed the support too. Which, of course he knows Evan will give him, but he was in such a bad headspace after that shift.

They make up. Stronger than before. Aimlessly driving around together for a while before going back home to Buck's loft.

[yanderes-galore]

Yo what’s up? May I request a Yandere Alphabet for Diavolo from JJBA? Please?

I can try, sure ^^ Hopefully this helps me write him better. I'm just hoping this doesn't seem rushed or repetitive....

Yandere Alphabet - Diavolo

(FT. Doppio)

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Stalking, Possessive behavior, Marking, Biting, Sadism, Blood, Murder, Violence, Threats, Emotional manipulation, Kidnapping, Dark/Overall Yandere themes, Forced relationship.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Diavolo is very... demanding. He sees himself as a king who can control fate and destiny. As a result, he's very possessive with his "affection" towards you. Diavolo may even have a sadistic streak similar to most JJBA villains.

Diavolo would be intense with you due to his nature. Once he has you in his grasp it is usually because he's been pushed to his breaking point while watching you. So by the time he has you, his grip and touch is unrelenting as he kisses your skin to litter you in marks.

It's hard to tell if his affection is genuine, although there's some moments where some genuine care slips through. I like to imagine he and Dio are similar. Both seeming cold but occasionally letting the mask slip that there's some weakness there towards you.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Definitely messy, he's experienced with murder considering what happens in part 5. He's a mafia boss, blood comes with the territory. If he has to eliminate others to isolate you away with him, it's easy.

King Crimson makes it nearly too easy, actually.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

If you really manage to get on his nerves or put up a fight, Diavolo would mock you. If not and you're compliant, then he'll take care of you with no fuss. You have no idea how (un)lucky you are he loves you.

Since his obsession makes him feel this way, he could give you anything you want. You just have to say the word. He's the boss, he can find a way to get you any sort of gift or comfort... except for freedom.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Yeah, he would. He has to hide you away so no one catches on to who he is. Which means you're spending a lot of your time in his sight, like it or not.

His demanding nature certainly doesn't help either.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Diavolo isn't vulnerable often, the most vulnerable moment I can think of for him was when he realized he was going to die. He is a coward when it comes to others getting too close to his identity. Always willing to play dirty to win.

Although, with you it's a different type of vulnerability. He knows you're a weakness he can't quite cut off. He loves you... which sometimes makes him drop his intimidating act at times to pull you in close. There's times he's vulnerable... and I imagine he hates it due to being proud yet loves it at the same time because it's you.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Irritated and would immediately try to discipline it. He has far too much to worry about, you fighting him is yet another distraction. Unlike other villains, he doesn't entertain this and finds a way to stop your attempt.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

No and he'd find you trying to leave an annoyance, he may even be scared of it.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

There's a lot I can think of. You most likely know Doppio, so seeing Doppio become Diavolo breaches your trust.

There's the kidnapping, the threats he makes to keep you compliant, or even the straight up murder to those who know you.

Diavolo is a mafia man. He is pretty much known to do horrible things to get things to go his way. Threatening the lives of your loved ones to make you listen to him is probably the tamest thing he could do.

Cioccolata is just itching for action, dear. It's that Diavolo just ends things himself, depending on how personal the matter is.

Blood may become a common sight for you if you wish to be rebellious.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Once Diavolo has felt he's gotten rid of every enemy and distraction, he'd probably keep you both in a very isolated area. He'd put it by the sea for you, the area secret and remote so you can both have a more... peaceful life while he basks in his perfect victory.

No one's coming to find you, they're gone by his hand. You only have Diavolo now. He's already ruined and smashed your old life to bits and pieces.

Then you two can elope and become an item... he'll never let you go, his beloved prize.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

It's hard for him to be jealous when he can get rid of every rival he feels he has to (In a way, yeah, he's jealous in that case). I imagine when he's stalking you through Doppio, he's marking every person you talk to down for death the moment he has you. That would be when he feels jealous the most, knowing he can't act just yet. He'd definitely plot the demise of anyone too close to you. Just to finally remove this burning feeling.

The end result isn't going to be pleasant for anyone but him.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Possessive, Obsessive, Manipulative, Intimidating, Overbearing, Demanding, Ruthless, Sadistic, Eerily caring at times..

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

As I've said before, the method he'd use most is Doppio. He already uses the personality to fool others and get rid of those he needs to. Stalking his darling through Doppio isn't too far off.

Diavolo waits and plans for an opening to take you away. It takes him a bit to become obsessed, originally planning to isolate you enough to kill you for distracting him. Unfortunately for him, such a plan fails due to his own emotional connections.

So while he still wants to get you alone, it isn't to kill you this time...

In fact, your new fate may be much worse than death.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Well, he's still ruthless. However, with you he's more... caring, if you can call what he does that.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

I feel Diavolo would focus on threats, but I can also see him "marking" you with bites to show you who you "belong" to. I don't want to imagine anything too physical, so he might mentally mess with you until you break. Such as isolation, restraints, and pictures of your loved ones in poor shape.

I'm talking if you act up, he may restrain you and show you a photo of one of your loved ones. They could be kidnapped... or even already dead. When he sees your tears, he grins, knowing with just a bit more time... you'll crumble.

You aren't necessarily the one who's punished, your loved ones are.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Based on his plans, most if not all. You're given some freedoms once you're isolated enough.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

He's patient due to the amount of planning he puts in to have you. Although, he can be impatient at times if things aren't going according to plan.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

I imagine you'd leave a lasting impact on him. He could probably move on but it would take time and he could never forget you. You'd probably be his last romantic partner... so he's not going to lose you so easily.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

No and no.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Hard to say when it comes to him. Could be a morbid sense of curiosity, or maybe he's missing a certain connection he once had?

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Diavolo would most likely give you your space. He has other matters to attend to, dealing with this could be irritating. Although, somedays he'll scoop you up and press you onto his chest. It may make things worse... but he enjoys the feeling of you.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

SKIPPED

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Not any I can think of. You'd need some sort of distraction to leave him as he is not letting you out of his sight.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

He most likely would, yes, even if he isn't intending to.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Diavolo is not a worship yandere, as much as that would be entertaining. However, He'd sacrifice a lot to get you back in his grasp. You're his in his eyes, anyone who tries to take you to get back at him is immediately dealt with.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Honestly, it can be anything from weeks, months, to maybe a year or two. He's always around, watching from Doppio's eyes as you live your life.

The clock is ticking, however... your fate is already decided by the king.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Most likely.

[modelbus]

For the event could you do tommy x reader with the prompt accidental confession:D

He definitely would accidentally confess too I did headcannons for this instead of a oneshot because I was worried a oneshot would be too short, so hopefully that's okay!!

Pairing: CC!Tommy x Gn!Reader (they/them used three times)

Accidental Confession

Tommy stressed about how to tell you for literal weeks. Months even. At this point, Phil refuses to talk to him about you until he just confesses.

And, of course, he doesn't even follow along with his very meticulous plan of how to tell you.

He's talking about you to someone, probably Wilbur, when you walk by them.

It's like a scene in a bad romcom, because where the hell did you come from? What are the chances you're walking by them in the middle of Brighton at that exact moment?

Wilbur, the poor soul, tries to stop Tommy but Tommy is just too invested in talking about you. Phil won't listen to him anymore and he has to get his feelings out somehow.

You hear the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time.

"I can't stop thinking about them. I just hope I'm not going to make a fool out of myself, you know? I hope they like me too, the same way I like them." Tommy says, and you freeze.

His back is to you, but Wilbur can see you perfectly. Wilbur's eyes are wide, horrified. All you wanted to do was say hello to them, finding it funny you found them randomly in Brighton when you were going to stream with Tommy later. You didn't mean to overhear a conversation clearly not meant for your ears.

"...Tommy." Wilbur says simply.

Tommy was talking about you. You had heard him say your name a second ago, unable to make out any other word. He liked you?

"What? What the fuck are you staring at?" He asks.

You're still frozen in pure shock when Tommy turns around, meeting your eyes.

"Oh, fuck."

Surprised Pikachu face from Tommy for a solid minute while he just panics.

His brain genuinely goes blank. It feels like a nightmare scenario to him.

Meanwhile you're still frozen.

When he gets over the shock he's immediately scrambling to explain, stumbling over his words while Wilbur quickly escapes.

"I- I didn't mean for you to find out that way!" Tommy's eyes are wide, panicked. Any trace of the sunshine that he seemed to exude has vanished. "This isn't how it was meant to happen; I swear!"

You literally have to tell him to breathe because of how much he's panicking, making him sit down with you. Doesn't matter if it's on the sidewalk or at a nearby table, you both need to sit.

He explains, fidgeting with his hands. He's more nervous than you've ever seen him before. And you saw him do a live show!

All the information is so much for you to process that you don't respond when he's done. All you wanted was a peaceful walk through Brighton, you were not prepared for this.

Tommy's on edge so he immediately takes your silence as the worst.

"I know- I know you don't feel the same, and that's okay-" He starts, but you cut him off before he can get any further.

"Who said I don't feel the same?"

"What?"

"I mean, fuck. This was a hell of a surprise for what I thought would be a boring morning. But I like you too, Tommy."

This man cannot contain himself. He does the pog face on what you're pretty sure is instinct, grinning wildly.

Then, after making sure you're okay with it, he kisses you. He's been dreaming of being able to do that for so long, and he fucking deserves it after panicking so badly.

Now that it's established he doesn't have to panic, he feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest and he immediately wants to spend time with you.

It's only thirty minutes later when you're both at his flat that either of you realizes Wilbur vanished.

[lloydfrontera]

Oh that og lloyd returns and suho goes through the reincarnation gate ask and answer were incredible. I'm usually like happy ending and would have said that what if javier does the same where he goes to verkis and try to get suho lloyd and does bring him, because i can't imagine suho lloyd staying in seoul alone or worst, but then would it have a happy ending? with him there with og lloyd, he'll also have mixed feelings because it's not the og lloyd he talked at the train or its the same buy forgot their conversation

let's not forget the before suho lloyd comes back and weeks passed by already lorasia, the people of the county, the engineers, the white calvary, alicia, solitas, cordius, orcs, elf, sees og lloyd act and well this is not the person the person that they allied and spent time with

I sincerely agree with this "all in all. not a good time for anyone! which i think fucks i love this scenario it really woke up the brain worms <3"

about this

it's such a fun au because it makes everything immediately worse <3

i also tend to like happy endings more than anything else but i do admit i like putting my blorbos in situations even more salkdjsfds

and yeah javier definitely went looking for lloyd in this au too. probably even sooner than he did in canon lol. cause at least in canon he was certain that lloyd had just been reborn, he thought that he was lost to him forever, that the best he could get was to know if he was happy in his next life. in this version he wouldn't be so sure. after all lloyd crossed the gate and now og lloyd is back. so clearly the reincarnation gate doesn't work as straightforwardly as one might first have assumed.

i think the moment he snapped out of his "should i just throw him back" moment and the guilt over his momentary lapse of control passed he would've gone straight to the jewel of truth and asked what happened to lloyd. and then gone bother one of the most powerful beings in the universe into opening a portal to his bf.

fuck the consequences he wants his lloyd back goddammit

this would simultaneously make everything better and also worse.

better because at least now lloyd isn't, y'know, dead and so everyone who cares for him in whatever shape or form isn't mourning him. arcos and marbella would especially be overjoyed, because now they have all of their children together, they're all okay, they're all safe and this time it will probably stick. julian,,, would be conflicted because he now has to deal with the fact the brother he thought he knew had been lying to him for years and (non-maliciously as it might have been) tricked him into forgiving the person who made his life hell almost his entire life and now there's no handy grief to make it easy to overlook all of that. but i do think he would be very, very happy his hyung he loves and admires so much is alive and safe and now they can get to know each other for real.

worse because now lloyd isn't dead and og lloyd gets to see just how much everyone loves him. just how much respect and affection he earned, how much he achieved, how loved he became in just five years compared to what og lloyd did in his entire life. and man would that suck for the guy. like. genuinely would be a terrible thing to go through. but again. i don't think he would do anything about it. like. he wouldn't see the point. he'd be angry, he'd throw some epic tantrums but i don't think he would put in the effort to change his behavior.

in canon og lloyd achieved some kind of resignation and peace with his situation because he saw first hand the kind of stuff lloyd did, he followed him around, he saw how much effort he put in, the kind of things he went through... it's hard to deny someone has earned something when you see them put their sweat blood and tears into it.

in this au, this og lloyd doesn't get that. as far as he knows he passed out one night and then woke up five-ish years later to find that no only did some fucker walk around in his body for all that time but everyone that he knows is mourning the man. the fucking guy who stole his body. like. yeah i would kind of also be pissed i'm not gonna lie.

he doesn't know how bad things got, how hard it was to save the estate, hell, the entire country, he'd only see all the results and none of the struggles. he wouldn't get why people, his family especially, are so happy to have him back. and he'd get very angry about i think.

and to be fair his anger would be mostly outrage at lloyd stealing his body (unintentionally but still), jealousy and some genuinely hurt feelings. i do think he'd be understandably hurt that his family is apparently more concerned about the guy that impersonated him than for him who was gone for years (*cough* even if i do think he kind of earned it *cough*)

as for lloyd,,, yeah no this is not an ideal situation for him either. he'd be over the moon at being able to come back, don't get me wrong, that part wouldn't change, but to come face to face with the guy he accidentally replaced, whose family he kind of took as his, and who doesn't remember the conversation and tentative truce they came to in hell,,, definitely not how he hoped this would go.

i don't know if he would actually feel very guilty cause like. well at least the guy is alive now. and he's no longer doomed to a self-caused premature death. and he gets to live in a debt-free estate that's been turned into the most powerful territory of the whole continent. so like. he thinks og lloyd got a pretty good deal out of it. yeah losing five years sucks but he would've died a couple years ago anyway.

i do think he'd feel very awkward about calling arcos and marbella 'father' and 'mother' like he wanted to. if he already felt awkward in canon it would be even worse in this au with og lloyd glaring at him from a corner any time their parents so much at smile at him. i don't think it would stop him completely, but he'd definitely tone it down when they're all together.

let's not forget the before suho lloyd comes back and weeks passed by already lorasia, the people of the county, the engineers, the white calvary, alicia, solitas, cordius, orcs, elf, sees og lloyd act and well this is not the person the person that they allied and spent time with

ooff yeah, it's one thing in canon when lloyd just goes away and then comes back with a new face. here they would actually have to deal with the original guy and like. he sucks </3

i do wish we had more info about how much of the situation is public knowledge. we know a couple people know about the whole kim suho thing once he comes back but i don't know how much the fronteras would've told anyone about it beforehand. my guess would be nothing, because honestly it was none of their business lol but i guess in this au they would have to offer some kind of explanation. either they tell the truth or they pretend og lloyd has amnesia and that's why he's different of the way people expect him to be. either way i think it would be a very hard sell in either scenario. funny enough i think the lie is actually more believable in this case lol

again. not a great situation for anyone involved! which i think it's fantastic! maybe not to them but to me <3 which is the most important thing here <33

[millenari]

1, 11, 3, 5, 6, 9, 16 for Demeter and Tugger ☺️

I got a separate ask for Tugger so I'll do him next ✨✨✨

1. Canon I outright reject

I still sometimes get annoyed by this, like genuinely ALW or whoever can truly fuck off if they think Demeter's singular noteworthy skill is 'flirting'.

Also this isn't necessarily 'canon' but I can't do her and Bomba being sisters AND I can't see Demeter as being 'young' OR younger than Bomba. That woman is in her thirties. To Me.

3. Obscure headcanon

Back when Demeter ran with Macavity she was kind of his 'showgirl'. The image that kind of comes to mind is this Harley Quinn and Joker scene in that awful s‌uicide squad movie where Harley is dancing and Joker and his coworkers or whatever are all watching her? Kind of like that (but with more of a jazzy vibe)-- she would sing and perform for the cats that Macavity 'led', and would often be his hype-man and sing about his accomplishments. So when she pops up to sing his song in the musical it's a weird moment for her-- she's kind of returning to what she knows and finding comfort in that, and also feeling a little horrified in herself for finding comfort in it.

5. Best personality trait

Despite everything she's gone through, Demeter genuinely tries to see the best in everyone. For example, Bomba can be a bit callous sometimes (as much as she genuinely loves Demeter) and I do think there have been periods of their relationship that were so rocky that they wouldn't have been able to pull through if not for Demeter's compassion & understanding. (Like I said, Bomba does love Demeter, but in Bomba's own words, she's 'not good at loving things').

And this can be a genuinely hard thing for Demeter to do, but it's something she puts a deliberate effort into all the time. She doesn't want Macavity to dig his claws into her any more than he already has. Doesn't want him to twist her into something like him, especially not when he isn't even around to torment her anymore.

6. Worst personality trait

Most cats I think would say it's her paranoia. Personally I think she has every right to be paranoid, but for the others it can be difficult when something 'sets her off'. Partially because she will absolutely not back down if she thinks she or the others are not safe, and partially because it happens so often. Macavity has a lot of magical powers that allow him to be sneaky, so all sorts of strange sounds or weird shadows will have her convinced he's nearby, which can instantly turn a fun outing on the town into an emotionally draining hours-long crawl with everyone's noses to the ground in order to convince Demeter that what she saw or heard was completely mundane.

Again, I think she has a right to it, but it can be difficult for the others to contend with her in those situations.

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character

Everything about the Macavity song, man. She's interesting through the whole play, but her choreo and singing (esp 98!Demeter, Aeva May is 👌) has so much character in it, and it's one of the moments of Cats where, if I've gotten distracted while watching, my attention is immediately drawn back in.

11. Faceclaim for the role

Aeva May is my favorite Demeter of all time. Her face, her bodytype, her voice, all of her. I don't necessarily have face claims for my humanized hcs (despite thinking of them often lmao), but in my stuff she's basically a blonde white woman with short spikey hair, big eyes, and a reputation for wearing mom jeans.

Additionally, most of the cats I couldn't really give a shit about their eye color, but I love a green/hazel eyed Demeter. Something about how their eyes look so big and haunted.

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves

As much as Macavity made her life hell, and twisted her up emotionally in ways she'll probably never recover from, and stole years of her life & pounds of her innocence that she'll never get back... She doesn't completely want him gone from her life.

She doesn't want him dead, that she would admit with only some reluctance. She still loves him in some awful way, that she'll admit to herself (and solely to herself). But on top of all of that, she doesn't even want him gone, not fully. Doesn't want him to move on from her (God knows she'll never move on from him), doesn't want him to hassle someone else, doesn't want to live her days in peace. That's her monster, and she bled for it and cried for it-- for years. It took so much of her she wouldn't feel like a full person anymore if it left her entirely.

That's something she'd never even admit to herself. The fear of Macavity returning for her keeps her awake at night-- so even admitting that she feels in such a way almost feels like a betrayal of her own self.

[rjthirsty]

Mouthwashing Allegory for Armed Forces

Alrighty, guys, buckle up because I've got a lot to say. I'm even going to use the tiny text for this so I can get it all in without it being SO SO SO long.

First, I want to let y'all know what you're about to get into. I watched Mouthwashing last night, and at first I was taking the story for what it was. During the story, some parts made me feel very uncomfortable because of the similarities I saw in it with my time in the military, but surely that was just me being scarred for life from it. However, talking to others, more and more parts kept cropping up, and I've decided that Mouthwashing isn't about a dystopian future where capitalism ruins everything it touches (we're already there) but instead a way to talk about the horrors and stress brought on by joining the armed forces.

I'll be dropping most of this under a cut, but if you're interested in my thoughts, I've got a lot to say.

For those that have played or watched the game, you know we're taking through a series of events both before and after the crash of the Tulpar, the Pony Express' long-haul freighter. The story can get confusing due to the many changes of POVs, and the time changes back and forth. If you followed, we're taken on a journey where we get to play literally the worst crewman on that ship, and his good friend who feels responsible for his actions.

Jimmy, at some point before the game, rapes Anya, causing her to get pregnant. He finds out not long later that they've all been fired, this last mission is their last haul. Face-to-face with no future, he attempts to kill himself and take the entire crew with him. For some reason, he changes his mind now that they've survived the attempted death trap, and we get to see him become more and more unstable as the story continues and stretches into 5 months after the crash.

That's one hell of a story. The addition of several body horror and horse related horrors crop up again and again as some sort of theme in Jimmy's madness, and while humorous and incomprehensible, I think there's a lot more that can be said about what these horrors stand for than taking it as face value.

Personally, I thought the game leaned too hard into the gore and shock value, and didn't fully explore the depths of fear, betrayal, helplessness, and futility that could have been delved into if they had gone with a more reliable narrator. But that's my own thoughts, and for what it was, the game has been a smashing success.

However, I want to talk about how this game can be seen as a metaphorical parallel to war and military. Yes, we're getting into the serious stuff now. If I put Mouthwashing under that lens, Jimmy's actions tell a different story-- everyone's actions tell a different story of what it's like to be part of a squad sent far away from familiar rules and customs, and the stress all of that can lead to.

First, we're bombarded by the companies propaganda. So much of it. A ridiculous amount of it that doesn't seem to be as plentiful as we saw in the first few minutes of the game. Curly, the ship's captain, rushes through the halls, feeling the weight of his responsibilities piling up as the ship burns, eventually leading to Polle (the Pony) attacking him (in his imagination) leaving him an incapacitated mess of a man.

It was the first sign that something was not quite right with Curly, but we didn't know who we were at the time. He has similar psychotic breaks that he strolls through as if they're the most common thing the in the world. His good-natured attitude might be genuine, but he certainly isn't mentally well. He takes on the responsibility for his group as his own, which is an iconic example of military structure. Whatever his group does, he's responsible for. It is his failure if someone fails.

Throughout the game, we are told that everyone is punished for one person, and given examples of seeing it work. This is another key component of military structure. "You're only as strong as your weakest link." Work together, make each other better, or you will all burn together. People to Curly with their problems, and he tries to fix them. That's his job. That's his responsibility. Even when Jimmy becomes captain, he takes on that responsibility - another military structure that command goes to the next highest in line, not the most qualified.

Suddenly, I'm looking at this game as a "what if they were sent into another country?" Maybe not a warzone, but a post that is nearby. Space is dangerous. They had an accident that left them stranded without contact from their people. All these safety protocols (that once again resemble military procedures) meant to keep them safe, but ultimately matter for nothing because they can easily be bypassed if one thing slips out of place. The 'well-oiled machine' seizes from an unexpected disturbance.

I think it's notable to mention that Tulpar is a mythical flying horse in Turkish mythology, yes, like a Pegasus in Greek mythology. That's the ship's name. A flying horse. That's also the name of a Turkish heavy infantry fighting vehicle. Coincidence? I think not. This is really looking more and more like it was intended to be the allegory I thought. Not to mention that when they were complaining about adding a fifth crew member for this HUGE ship only designed for four people... Guys, how many people do you think typically fit inside a tank? An average of four. Yes, it CAN fit five, but most often runs with four.

Curly also says in another game by the same group that he was the reason Jimmy joined. Said something about "good pay and only needing to put in a few years." Then he said that it was someone else's words, words that had worked on him. If that isn't the BIGGEST most common military recruiting method, I don't fucking know what is. Put a few years in, you'll even get paid, set you on a better life. Except you're not taught any skills that will get you anywhere when you're done. And if you've committed crimes (i.e. raping someone), well, you get nothing AND get punished.

We can even talk about the reasons the other crewmembers were on the ship. Daisuke was sent there by his parents, his mother believed he needed a "stricter" environment or he'd waste away his life. (Military.) Anya was promised training and money so she could attempt to get into medical school. (Military.) Swansea tried to get his life back together after being an alcoholic for a long time. He got "a real job" and did all the stuff to maintain the ideal family-man lifestyle. We can put that under military as well.

Ah! There's so much more I want to say, but this is already getting long. Maybe I'll make a second post.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Grey's Anatomy: Keep the Family Close (20x02)

"Discretion is my middle name. Actually, it's Elaine." Yasuda, I love you. Let's dive in!

Cons:

Schmitt and his patient Dante call it "The Great Bake-Off" instead of "The Great British Baking Show" or "The Great British Bake-Off" and I'd just like to lodge a complaint on that. What the hell? Who says that?

Link and Jo's subplot this week is about Link being more romantic and sentimental, and a somewhat joke-y exchange where Link is offended that Jo doesn't remember the details of how they met. In the end, Jo makes a romantic meal and lights candles to reinforce that she appreciates the romance in their relationship. There's nothing offensive about this necessarily, but it just feeds into the worst vibes I have about this pairing. It feels forced, it feels proscribed, it feels like they need to come up with over the top sappy moments to try and convince the audience that they're really in love. And I'm not convinced. I did kind of like the Amelia and Jo scene, though. I think it's sweet that Amelia clocked the relationship issue and took a risk by saying something.

Pros:

I love the concept of the interns having to complete a bingo of basic procedures to earn their spot back in the OR. It adds a level of comedy and competition to them, carrying through a theme we've seen with these five interns since the beginning. But it also gives an opportunity for our characters to grow. Of the five interns, I think Blue is still distinguishing himself as my favorite. It's an easy but effective trick, to have him be seemingly callous and disconnected from the humanity of his patients, but then to learn his lesson and speak to the family of a young man who got shot, with such compassion and care. Bailey clocked that growth in him; it seems like Kwan is one to keep our eye on.

Teddy is, as always, far more tolerable as a character when she's not partnered with Owen for her scenes, and Yasuda is so dang charming that I actually ended up really liking the stuff with the two of them in this episode. Teddy insisting that she's totally okay and then bursting into tears when prompted by Yasuda to really register the reality of her near-death situation, was both funny and touching. I also like Teddy trying to help Yasuda with her check-list of procedures on the sly. It doesn't really work out in Yasuda's favor, but it's cute idea, having the Chief of Surgery trying to give her a leg up.

One last note on Yasuda: her and Helm going at it to open the episode made me smile; happy for these two! I hope we can give Helm more to do as a character this season, she feels perpetually just off to the side of the main action. I also loved the contrast between them going hot and heavy, and Amelia talking to her cat.

Schmitt is still the cutest character to me. I really liked the vibes with Dante, and I hope that can maybe turn into something for him! It was fun to see Schmitt being so cool and professional about the HIV diagnosis while also creating a personal bond. He's grown so much from the baby queer who was kissing a man for the first time just a few years ago. I'm excited to see where this goes.

It was so good to see Ben, I feel like it's been forever, since he's off doing cool stuff over on the spin-off that I refuse to watch. I liked him giving advice to Bailey that these interns might be different and stand up for themselves more than she's used to. And I liked the conclusion, too, that Bailey is the one who has changed, actually. But Ben makes an apt comparison between being a parent and taking over the residents: Bailey has done it before, and she knows when to put her foot down, and when to hold a hand.

I honestly really liked the Lucas and Simone scene at the end. Because I totally get where Simone is coming from, she's been through such a lot of chaos recently and she's genuinely trying to do the right thing by backing off and letting Lucas know that now isn't the right time for them. But... the second Lucas gets mad, you realize that he's... kind of right. Like, extremely right. Simone has been very selfish throughout this rough patch and has not appreciated how much she's been hurting Lucas by jerking him around and then turning to him when she needs some comfort. It's a complicated situation: I agree with Lucas that Simone has behaved poorly, but I don't hate her for her behavior either. They agree on one thing, that she definitely needs to get her shit together. Lucas claims he won't be waiting for her when she does, but I suppose only time will tell.

I got actually emotional about Amelia reaching out to Winston. Like I teared up a little bit. I've realized recently that an easy emotional trigger for me in fiction is when characters are lonely and bravely try and form connections with those around them. (Let's not analyze why this might hit me particularly hard lol). And this was just a prime example of that: Amelia calling Winston her family, acknowledging their rough patch but hoping that they can stay family anyway. Winston agreeing to go eat at Joe's was a lovely little capstone as well. I'm proud of Amelia for realizing she's having a rough time and making concrete moves towards improving that for herself.

Generally speaking I think Jules ranks last for me in terms of my interest level in the new intern characters, but I did like the general plot of this big extended family and their wacky and dangerous baseball game. It's so unrealistic to have a doctor suddenly snap and tell a family to get their shit together, but whatever, it made for a fun moment from Jules, and I liked her grudging acceptance and low-level horror at being named the MVP for speaking the truth.

As always, lots of plot threads going on, plenty to keep me interested. I hope we can see some romances blossoming between Schmitt and Dante, and more with Yasuda and Helm: love to see those queer relationships on this show, and also it means we can focus on love stories less boring and aggravating that Link/Jo or Owen/Teddy.

8/10

[piglet26]

A Year In the Mess and the Millennial Cross Rory Bears. SUMMER

Spring had bits of joy but was mostly painful. Glad it was over. Summer can't be that bad.... right?

Rory isn't back, but she obviously is. Everyone seems genuinely happy about it, after all she was beloved there. I understand she's floundering and frustrated and embarrassed about it, but she comes off bitchy.

Also, hello! Rory doesn't read anymore. She doesn't talk about anything of substance or seem interested in anything. What are we doing here? Burning her character bible entirely.

I'm not sure what the Palladino's were going with or trying to prove... possibly they did all this with the hope Netflix would never call them back again.

Honestly Lane and Zach (Or, whatever his name is) seem like the most normal happy couple with Steve and Kwan. It should've been Dave.

Great. April/Knock off Rory is back and it's awkward. Luke has zero warmth for her. Doesn't even interact with her really. Lorelai has no maternal connection to her and Rory no sisterly connection. But she's there so there's that.

The show does try to create this perception that several characters, such as Paris, are still trying to find their way and piece their lives together despite their success in other areas of their lives. Paris is going through a divorce and lacks the deep validation she continues to crave, Luke and Lorelai are semi-childless and don't communicate, Emily absent of Richard has no purpose in life, Doyle sold out, Logan is in a loveless relationship, April is a knock off Rory and might have future knock off problems ect. ect. Yet. Rory is by far the worst off. Nothing is going right in her life.

WHY?! Instead of taking up 10 minutes for a stupid musical I fast forwarded we could've gotten some more context.

Why are you working a job for free? Why are you not with Logan when it's obvious you both want to be?

Frustratingly, it takes Jess to fix things: He drops by for 45 seconds and tells her to write a book about her life with Lorelai and then leaves again like the Ghost of Career Advice Present.

Jess has always had a talent for cutting through bullshit and then being socially awkward enough to state the obvious. It's also easy to idealize him especially so when it's done by women who will rationalize the hell out of a man because it's hot. He's hot. The reality? We know nothing of Jess except he's more mature and he's more peaceful. In many ways Rory is where Jess used to be staring into a void with nothing but questions. Jess has a stable income and has identified his authentic goals and pursued them. That's hard work. It's why despite all of his previous fuck ups people love the character. That's all we know. We're not allowed a glimpse into his life beyond that. He's a pop in character and their lives always look perfect.

Jess is always going to love Rory and I get the sense in many ways she was the inspiration for him to make something of his life. It's important to note how much he did hurt her though and how horrible of a boyfriend he was. I'm glad they learned how to function as quasi family/friends. The Palladino's also are not subtle. It's not a secret how much they love Milo and I'm guessing if they had their way Rory and Jess are endgame. It's hard to not wish for them to make it there too.

Beyond a cool paper delivery segment. Summer was just torture.

[kutputli]

God, I am annoyed at Nathan only being given a contractually obligated split second of screen time this episode.

I am diverting all my irritation into talking about how networking and nepotism intersects with race, using Ms Shandy Fine as my beauteous example. I need to to do a rewatch with subtitles on to make notes for that. Meanwhile quick reaction post for the rest of the stuff -

I have been so immersed in fanon for so long that I had to deliberately shift my gears down to remember that Colin wasn't known to be gay for the average het viewer. Or for us, really - one grindr comment does not a canonical queer make, not with picking up on twenty years of subtext that never makes it into text. So yay, I guess, for the first undeniably queer character on the show. I head 'sex after you get back' instead of 'text' and I thought this was a hookup situation, but it turns out he's a boyfriend? I have been looking through the internet trying to find the actor's name, but omg finally an East Asian character with speaking lines! And he's very very cute. I hate that he has to act like a wingman for Colin, and I just hope he doesn't get too hurt in the inevitable outing that the show is leading up to.

I see that the gentle, kind, Ted Lasso effect does not extend towards casual homophobia in the dressing room. This is where HR rules being strictly implemented brings about better DEI reform than one Nice White Saviour.

I enjoyed Zava a lot. I think he was very well written, and beautifully acted. A completely batshit diva who is genuinely as good as his press, and who isn't an asshole. Two pointed differences - him saying the kitman is the most important person in the room, and him not actively being mean towards any one individual. That's the difference between him and Jamie. Appropriative meditative techniques aside, this is a man who has a stable marriage which is loving enough for him to relocate for - which makes him better at adult relationships than most of the other characters we've seen on the show so far. Carry on chewing that scenery Maximilian, its very entertaining.

What is not entertaining is the white people trainwrecks going on with the women. I get Jane is an abusive shit, why must this point be belaboured? There is no entertainment nor pathos here, and I see no point to it, unless it is for the one Beard centric episode where Men Can Be Abused Also becomes the theme.

Rebecca side-eyeing the flirtation between Sam and his head chef is also wearying. The chef is very cute, and I'm so happy for Sam to have his restaurant, but also - same uneven power dynamics in a workplace! Aaaaa

The psychic storyline is just complete twaddle. Give that screentime to literally anyone else. It is the worst of all rom-com elements to introduce.

Speaking of unethical relationships - holy fucking hell what the fuck show writers having TWO female therapists dismiss as mildly unethical a marriage counsellor having a romantic relationship with his ex-client???!!!!! How, what why.... I am just. Gobsmacked. I was getting irritated with Ted still being hung up over Michelle, but of course the poor guy will have trust issues if the first therapist he opened up to is now shagging the mother of his child! And his current therapist doesn't act like its a massive violation of ethics he should be reported for. And his casual hookup therapist makes an extremely dark joke about paedophilia to brush it off. AAAAAAAAA

OK a rewatch then to post about Nate and Shandy and how I couldn't spot Mr Bhargava anywhere though I tried to keep an eye out!

(Trent Crimm remains as hairsome and louche as every, and he is my mary sue because I too, can never spell diahhreoa.)

[youarestellarverse]

[image description: a purple banner that has the words “work in progress” on it. end of description]

I think maybe I need another sideblog for this, lol. It's turning into a monster.

Epistolary/fake reddit post take 3: Ruby/"Pearl", in her own words.

Originally posted here by u/princess_and_the_pearl on r/relationshipgoals:

Princess And The Sweatpants

(or, Prince Charming Magically Transforms a Sick Day into a Spa Retreat)

Bear with me. Brain fog is a hell of a drug. 

I (26NB) was diagnosed with fibromyalgia two years ago after about six months of symptoms, which was astonishingly fast for anyone and downright miraculous considering that at the time, I still thought I was a cis man, and I presented very much that way. There are people who don't believe that's even possible. Several doctors have questioned my diagnosis, asking suspiciously isn't that only in women? 

Strangely, when I'm wearing a dress, they don't do that. 

Anyway, I have fibromyalgia, which means I constantly feel like I did that time in high school after I played a football game while actively suffering from acute appendicitis (it burst within forty seconds of me getting on the field, because duh, and I almost died— thanks, Dad, for making me play when I had a fever of 104 and I was telling you I felt like someone was spearing me through the back— but that's another story.) 

Feverish, sore everywhere, sick to my stomach, like my skin is bruised. The worst part is the fatigue. I get so tired during flares that I can sleep 14 hours a day and wake up exhausted. The only other time I've felt like this was when I was sixteen and fighting off sepsis. 

I bring up football mostly because I look like a football player. I was a heavyweight before I got my diagnosis (though I've dropped a lot; my MIL keeps "just happening to be in the neighborhood"— two hours away, mind— with baked goods and stuff). I'm close enough to 6'6 to round up to it if I wanted. I have been told I have the rugged, thoughtful face of a stern, ancient Roman politician. I wear shoes so big that half the time they don't even make them in men's sizes. 

And most of the time, that's fine! I'm okay with it when, as my (genuinely) Dear Husband/Prince Charming (27M) puts it, my "gend-o-meter" is pointed towards guy, which is still more often than not. 

But it gets to me otherwise, which Charming knows. He also has this very eerie ability to tell where that meter is pointed without asking me. He says it's something about my posture, but he's not sure exactly what. All I know is he's never wrong, and he always knows the best time to pop his head around the corner, smile his sweet smile, say "Hey, babe, guess what?" and then burst into a corny pop song. 

[Relevant comment from PC himself:

girl you got my heart racing in your skin-tight jeans~ 🥰😍😚💙💙]

Last week (midsummer for posterity), I was having a hell of a time with a rash of thunderstorms. Everything hurt so badly I could barely think straight. It was like every injury I'd ever had was fresh again, and being a football player, I've gotten banged up a lot. I had five migraines over the span of eight days. I lost a scary amount of weight because I could barely keep anything down. 

Eventually my BFFs (we'll call them BFFa, 26F, and, BFF1, 25M, because I don't want to rank them against each other) came out and stayed over the weekend. They made an enormous batch of corn chowder, which was so good it overrode my nausea and lack of appetite and was all I could manage for about 3 days straight. (It's really excellent chowder.)

I'm glad they were here, because I've never had gender dysphoria come on in the middle of a flare before, and I freaked Charming out pretty good when I got halfway through my food and suddenly had enough energy to burst into tears. BFFa is very calming and good at talking people through things, and she helped me articulate while making sure my husband didn't panic. BFF1 isn't as comfortable with emotional displays, but he makes a damn good rice pudding and it's really hard to stay upset when the house smells so nice. 

DH, anxiety managed, was able to throw himself into planning mode. He started by calling our mastiff (5F) and having her lay with me while he drew a bath (she's allowed on the bed after a specific command; she was already trained as a service dog when we inherited her, which was incredibly lucky for me because I realized I needed one about a month later). 

He's helped me take care of myself before. I quit football because of an injury that destroyed my mobility, and for about three months I was completely reliant on him for almost everything. He helped me stand up to pee. I can't ever pay him back for what he's done for me, but he says the same thing, so we must be even in his mind. 

He's always been sweet about it, but he really went all out this time: he lit dozens of beeswax candles,  put rose oil and floated petals in the bathwater, set up the shower stall with my chair and a rose-vanilla shower bomb, and hooked up my iPod to the bathroom speakers so he could shuffle through my playlist of all the love songs he's ever sung me. 

Then he got me out of my depressed college student chic (the aforementioned sweatpants and my alma mater's t-shirt), helped me into a silk robe that didn't hurt my skin, and supported my weight as we walked. 

He got me settled in the shower chair, then stripped and joined me. I didn't have to lift a finger, which was good, because I couldn't without my shoulder seizing up. (He took care of that, too. He's the only person willing to massage me hard enough that I can actually feel it. Everyone else gets too worried about hurting me. Ha.) 

After I was clean, he brought out a razor. That man shaved my legs for me, and I have a lot of leg, so that's no small feat. 

I'm honestly not sure if I was crying. I think I must have been, because he kept kissing my knees and ankles every time he finished a pass. He sang along with the playlist, too. When you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while. I got sunshine on a cloudy day. I don't know why you're being shy. I think you're pretty without any makeup on. 

...yeah, in retrospect, I was definitely crying. 

I felt so much better it didn't matter. He washed my hair, then helped me into the bath and knelt beside the tub and rubbed my neck while I soaked and let the water support my joints. 

Let me tell you: if you've got a partner suffering from chronic pain, this is one of the best ways you can make them feel pampered and loved. 100/10; do recommend.

And that wasn't even the end of it. 

While we were in the bathroom, BFFa was going through my wardrobe. Charming helped me back into the robe, and when I got back to our room she'd changed out the sheets and set out my softest, most comfortable cotton maxi dress. 

It's very pretty. I made it out of fabric my husband's best man (28M) whipped up for me with fiber from his partner's cashmere goats. He used blue potato peels for dye, which gives it a beautiful muted color that transitions from blue to pink via clever use of anthocyanin reactions.

He also dyed some cashmere yarn to match it, which I found out when my baby SIL (minor) gave me a gorgeous crocheted shawl for Christmas last year. It was laid out beside the dress, which was perfect, because one of my symptoms is that I can't regulate my body temperature very well; having it available to take off and put on as-needed was great.

It felt wonderful on my skin. They got me settled in bed again, our dog in her own bed on the floor (still tall enough for me to scratch her ears 💜). Then they facetimed Prince Charming's gf (29F, she's also married to my drag mother), and she walked him through putting on my makeup and styling my hair into a pixie. 

I honestly never thought it possible that I could feel cute and pretty with short hair. That's part of why I was upset. When my head hurts like that, wearing a wig is asking to end up in the hospital with an intractable migraine, and my face is so angular that without long hair to soften it, the image can be really jarring. 

(That was how I figured out I was nonbinary, actually. I was rehearsing a drag routine and I just felt Wrong and I couldn't figure out why, until my girlfriend (26F) suggested I try practicing in my wig and I saw myself in the mirror and suddenly it clicked.) 

Somehow, he pulled it off. It might partly have been the flower hair clip that BFF1 made me with a soldering iron and some copper wire. Most of it was my face. I had no idea DH knew how to contour, but I looked...soft. Feminine. I felt like a queen. 

Not that he's ever failed to make me feel like one before, but this time, he really outdid himself. I looked how I felt. That's not an easy feat for me in this context. He pulled it off flawlessly. 

It was also just fun, and after such high pain levels I needed fun almost more than I needed validation. 

NOTES: good fucking lord tumblr what have you done with your post editor it took me literally almost half an hour to get it all indented why is there a "character limit" on indentations now

BFF1 and BFFa are of course Piper and Leo, Prince Charming is Percy, Percy's girlfriend is Silena (married to Charlie ofc), Ruby's girlfriend is Annabeth, Percy's best man is Grover; if you read the other posts in this genre, you possibly get the idea. I know, I know, it's getting convoluted.

PING LIST: @perseusjackson-jasongrace @elaborateruses @starlightshadowsworld (lmk if you want me to stop pinging you in Ruby stuff, I'm sort of assuming lol.)

As always, let me know if you want in on (or off of) the ping list!

[unforth]

Today I'm Thinking About...

I've been so busy I haven't been able to keep up on this even thought I'm definitely Still Thinking About Things but I do want to get back to it but I really shouldn't now BUT I love last night's idea SO MUCH that I'm going to scrawl down at least a few words of it.

(note for various trigger warnings, but this is 2ha and if you've read the book, well, it's no tws that weren't in the novel. except the mentions of drug use/addiction, I guess)

Modern 2ha AU where Mo Ran has a really messy teen years/young adulthood. (read more)

His first crush, Shi Mei, ends up drawing him into a lot of toxic behavior, coerced sex work, drugs, you name it, he's a fucking mess. The worst part is it fucks with his memory; some things he did, he remembers, other...not so much...and a lot of them, he has the vague sense/knowledge He Did Something Terrible but he can't recall the details (which is probably for the better, sometimes). Finally, he of course gets arrested...and he gets lucky. Hell, he gets about as lucky as a disaster like himself can get (spoilers: it's not luck). He gets a great public defender and a lenient judge and while initially he's on the hook for all kinds of charges (not least of which - sex work, drug dealing, possession with intent to sell, aggravated assault, theft, rape...) most of the charges end up dropped or reduced, and because of a clear history of how this abuse started when he was young, he's sentenced to community service and rehab instead of prison. It especially helps that the assault and rape charges end up getting dropped (Mo Ran tells his lawyer, who tells him NOT to tell anyone else, that he remembers just enough to be POSITIVE he's guilty of both).

He gets to start over, fresh, in his mid-20s, with his fragmented memories and his regrets and a bone-deep determination to help other people. His community service, done at an all-service non-profit in a poor neighborhood, offers him a job in the soup kitchen after, and he ends up one of their best advocates - he's great looking, charismatic, insanely hard working, a skilled chef, brilliant, strong - and he helps them build relationships with organizations that can help them, bring in donations, distribute what they get, the whole package. And, of course, he gets friendly with the other people who work there.

Like Xue Meng, the incredibly gruff son of the head of the non-profit's board who acts like a dick but actually really gives a damn.

And Ye Wangxi, the trans man who runs the organizations LGBTQIA+ outreach program.

And Nangong Si, the dilettante rich boy who Definitely Isn't Helping with fundraising and Definitely Doesn't Have Feels for Ye Wangxi.

The list goes on and on, but of course there's...

Chu Wanning. Who has to be the LEAST charismatic, personable, friendly person in the entire organization. He's standoffish, aggressive, often off-putting, and generally forbidden from attending charity events and really anything public, but who behind the scenes is one of the hardest working SoBs there. He's in charge of tech for the organization - both their internal technology and their tech-for-the-public program, which helps the people who come there with everything from vehicle repairs through providing free computers/tablets/smart phones through tech support (Xue Meng ends up doing a lot of the actual tech support, because as tsundere as he is, he's still easier to talk to than Chu Wanning). The organization wouldn't function without Chu Wanning.

Initially, Chu Wanning wants nothing to do with Mo Ran - talk about a man too pretty for his own good (as if that couldn't refer to CWN too...) - but Mo Ran is nothing if not a persistent, overly friendly husky, and ultimately Chu Wanning ends up genuinely befriended, largely against his will, though when he finally gets fed up and says as much, and Mo Ran finally leaves him alone for a while, Chu Wanning of course ends up missing him and ultimately seeks him out again. That's about the point when, to Chu Wanning's shock, Mo Ran explains that if they ARE going to spend time together again, Chu Wanning needs to understand that Mo Ran's feelings are way beyond platonic, that he'd love to have a more personal, ideally romantic and/or sexual, relationship with Chu Wanning, and that while he doesn't need Chu Wanning to reciprocate, he'll feel disingenuous if he continues to be Chu Wanning's friend without knowing.

(From Mo Ran's point of view, he's been insanely obvious about this, but also he's been terrified of saying it explicitly because he knows in his heart that he is A Bad Person, all the appearance of virtue with none of the actual virtue, the perfect inverse of the stoic Chu Wanning who everyone sees as cold and aloof but who actually has a heart of gold and has never done wrong in his life.)

(From Chu Wanning's point of view, he has never been more blind-sided in his life. Who. Could POSSIBLY. Have Feelings. For HIM????)

After a little deliberation, and after an initial "no," Chu Wanning finally does take the hand that Mo Ran has offered him, and they start tentatively, hesitantly dating. Neither of them has ANY experience at this (Chu Wanning has always been single; Mo Ran's only relationship, while long, was so abusive that if anything he aims to model "always do the opposite of what I did then"), so it's definitely rocky. Especially so because, though Chu Wanning can't bring himself to admit it, he's only not a virgin because he's a rape victim - a stranger assaulted him one night when he was walking him, forced themselves on him, left him shattered and he's been slowly putting himself back together ever since.

But, despite all the hurdles, little by little, they grow close, they fall in love, they decide to be physically intimate...

...they're in Mo Ran's bedroom...

...they're taking off each other's clothes...

...Mo Ran is saying the sweetest, most genuinely affectionate words, and while Chu Wanning is constitutionally incapable of saying such things back, he absolutely feels them, he is as completely in love as he is loved...

...and there, on Mo Ran's revealed chest, is a long ragged scar that is all too horrifyingly familiar to Chu Wanning.

Because he made that scar himself.

When he tried to fight off his attacker, his rapist.

And then he can see it, so clearly, how that emaciated, sunken-eyed youth has, a decade later, grown into this man before him.

And this man, Mo Ran now, is wonderful.

And, unbeknownst to Mo Ran, most of the reason Mo Ran has had the opportunities he had is that Chu Wanning advocated for him (...he was a young public activist/non-profit worker then, and very passionate...), helped arrange him having competent representation, dropped the assault and rape charges, couldn't bring himself to take the stand but wrote a letter in favor of lenient sentencing that was read to the judge and jury and entered into evidence.

In that instant, ALL this reality crashes in on Chu Wanning - that this is his attacker, that he's in love with his attacker, the cruel irony of them reuniting, getting friendly, becoming a couple, all the memories of that awful night that he's tried, with mixed success, to process, and it's so much, too much...

...and, for Mo Ran's part, while he doesn't deserve much in the way of sympathy all things considered, there is something awful about the heartbreaking moment when Chu Wanning takes one look at Mo Ran's bared body and goes catatonic in a panic attack.

Needless to say, it takes them a LONG time to recover from this.

But...they get there eventually, of course.

File this under "story ideas I definitely will never have time to write but that will definitely be entertaining me a lot for several weeks to come."

[effei-s]

anderson and his paradox:

about the duality of a man.

(aka see me rambling in this 1500-words long essay about how much i love him)

the first half of his paradox: he’s more than capable of love. i would even dare to say that love is a driving force behind 99% of his actions.

let’s look at examples:

adam’s mom (aurora):

i’ve said it before, i’ll say it again: he worshiped the ground she walked on. it’s a fact. it’s what adam said about him in unravel me: i know he loved my mom. it was always her, everything was about her.

her death was probably the worst thing that happened to him, the loss that made him truly suffer, hence him constantly talking about how he wants to shield warner from it. that whole thing with lena is not about control itself, it’s about warner not making his own mistakes. there’s a genuine desire to protect there.

evie:

considering how little information is given about them it’s honestly amazing how much there lies between the lines (can mafi write everything the way she’s written them, please?).

they’re the perfect example of my favourite type of soulmates. he’s actually second worst person on this planet, because first place is already taken by her. there’s no one who knows him better then her (she knew about adam = she knew about aurora). there’s no one who understands him better than her (them being two vital parts of the RE from the very beginning). it doesn’t matter how much they fight, he trusts her with his life no questions asked: he comes to her before ignite me and asks her to make him immortal. considering evie’s words in defy me about how she was ready to kill him for trying to kill juliette in unravel me it was very risky of him (because if there’s one person that could slit open his throat and kill him for good, because he let his guard down, it would be evie). he trusts her to do her job and has no doubts about her capability to succeed. his first reaction to her death is ‘what? it can’t be real!’ because evie for him is almost untouchable entity ‘if they couldn’t hurt me, they sure as hell won’t be able to hurt her’. when he realizes that it’s true he’s terrified.

and anderson doesn’t do terrified.

/i really don’t know what can scream LOVE louder than this/

warner:

we can’t not talk about warner here.

warner betrays him and he still saves warner life. you need to remember that the only reason why warner is still alive in defy me, after he committed treason, is because anderson protects him.

by that time in restore me/defy me anderson, who technically lost his position as a supreme, still managed to save warner’s life /because he’s cool like that/.

“I had to call in a number of favors to have you transported here unharmed. The council was going to vote to have you executed for treason, and I was able to convince them otherwise.”

even evie doesn’t dare to fuck with warner because she knows anderson will come at them with the wrath of god.

“If Aaron were anyone else’s son,” she says, “I would’ve had him executed. I’d have him executed right now, if I could. Unfortunately, I alone do not have the authority.”

anyone else’s son.

so yeah the problem here is not that warner is one of the heirs of the RE. the problem here is that he’s anderson’s son.

plus his entire conflict with juliette is rooted in the fact that she

a) tried to hurt warner

unravel me:

I cannot allow him to protect a person who has attempted to kill him.

restore me:

The monster we’ve bred has tried to kill my own son.

b) tried to take warner from him.

restore me:

Worse, she’s become a distraction for Aaron. He’s become—in a toxic turn of events—impossibly drawn to her, with no apparent regard for his own safety. I have no idea what she’s done to his mind.

and then in imagine me he declines warner’s offer.

“You would be willing to sacrifice yourself—your youth and your health and your entire life—to let that damaged, deranged girl continue to walk the earth? Do you even understand what you’re saying? You have every opportunity—all the potential—and you’d be willing to throw it all away? In exchange for what?Do you even know the kind of life to which you’d be sentencing yourself ?”

/i dare you to tell me he didn’t love warner, i dare you/

juliette:

as a cherry on top, there’s juliette, of course.

when we’re talking about hate we’re talking about juliette, no questions asked. i truly believe that his hatred for her was stronger than his love for aurora and evie combined. and still what brings him down for good is not hate for her but adoration of her (oh irony, my irony).

after 12 years of hatred, after 12 years of her being ‘the bane of his existence’, he still ended up spending his dying breath to make sure she will be safe.

“I ordered you to remain silent,” he says, glancing back at her. “And I am now ordering you to remain safe, at all costs. Do you hear me, Juliette? Do y—”

“Kill them,” Anderson gasps, blood staining the edges of his lips. “Kill them all. Kill anyone who stands in your way.”

just like defy-me warner, imagine-me juliette survives ONLY because of anderson.

he even apologized to her at one point.

“You know, I realize now that I’ve been too hard on you. I’ve put you through too much. Tested your loyalty perhaps too much. But you and I have a long history, Juliette. And it’s not easy for me to forgive. I certainly don’t forget.”

anderson??? admitting??? that??? what??? he??? did??? was??? wrong???

and not because he needs to get off the hook, but because he actually feels like it was too much???

ALERT THE MASSES, THE WORLD NEEDS TO HEAR ABOUT IT!!!

btw, do my eyes deceive me, or did this ‘not easy to forgive’ mean that he actually already FORGAVE her for trying to kill him?

anyhow if that wasn’t enough look at this:

“What could possibly go wrong?” Anderson asks. “She’s more powerful than any of them, and completely obedient to me. To us. To the movement. You all know as well as I do that she’s proven her loyalty again and again. She’d be able to capture them in a matter of minutes.”

do you see it?

it’s the same thing that happened with evie: no one here is strong enough to hurt her (oh, i can see some PROJECTIONS here happening).

it’s funny how the way Anderson acts is EXACTLY what I expected from Warner. he isn't just talking about how she can do anything, when moment comes he ACTS.

Anderson is guarding Juliette. The same Anderson who’s spent so much of his energy trying to murder her—is now standing in front of her with his arms out, guarding her with his life.

i’d still prefer for her or him to kill ibrahim but even without it... he says you can burn this place to the ground, I don’t care as long as you’re safe, he chooses her over not only the RE, he chooses her over WARNER.

/and you expect me not to ship this??? sure, jen, i’m not gonna/

conclusion number 1: yes, my beautiful people, everything Anderson does in one way or another tied to love.

the second half of his paradox: love doesn’t make him a better person, it doesn’t even make him fully human. you’d think that if person capable of such strong feelings there’s supposed to be something worth saving, just like castle’s said:

“Of course he’s a regular person, son. That’s exactly the point. We’re all just regular people, when you strip us down. There’s nothing to be afraid of when you look at Anderson; he’s just as human as you or me. Just as terrified. And I’m sure if he could go back and do his life over again, he’d make very different decisions.”

(castle is a fucking idiot, never listen to people like him or you’re gonna end up neck-deep in shit)

but at the end of the day anderson remains a fucking monster.

his love for aurora doesn’t stop him from marrying another woman and having a child with her because it’s the easiest way to social climb.

his love and devotion to evie and re (mostly evie, because evie is the reestablishment) doesn’t stop him from playing games with juliette and putting everything and everyone at risk just because he’s bored.

i won’t even start commenting on warner’s situation, because otherwise we’re gonna sit here for days and i’ll end up with 100k words essay about them.

and even his enamourment with juliette doesn’t actually protect her from his violent nature. even this perfect, absolutely perfect juliette still has to prove herself (cut off her finger to show her loyalty). it still very easy for him to hurt her.

conclusion number 2: him being in love, him caring about someone, him trusting someone doesn’t change his fundamental nature. he still remains a destructive force put into a human body.

he’s a fucking satan.

and that’s exactly why i love him.

[qwanderer]

Loki in the Hall of Mirrors

This story is complicated. Not, like, as a plot, not particularly, but philosophically and thematically. It's got that great play of hero against villain that I love about the Loki story in general and that makes it all so divisive and messy. And I love it even more than I did on first watch.

The first time I watched the desert landing scene, I was like, "Wait? What happened to Allspeak?" because the people who live there don't seem to understand him. But on the second watch, I realized it could be a lack of context, rather than a break in translation. These people probably have an even chance of knowing nothing about Norse myth. Like, what if an alien came up to you and said "I am Boogle of Bofgar, I carry a burden"? You would still have questions like "What the hell is a boogle and why are you carrying your shit here?" So the basic dynamic of Allspeak is probably still functioning, and Loki probably understood their questions, but he was still trying to figure out how to answer when he got distracted by the TVA people.

It could even be an innate psychic ability rather than a magical one, as he seems to understand everyone in the TVA, including the man who can't be fluent in all languages like the field agents because he has never heard of a fish and the seemingly nonverbal robot. (Which of course makes me want Loki talking with Dum-E and the other shop bots! But I digress.)

Okay. I want to start talking about the next-level manipulation shit the TVA are pulling on Loki here. Time, as they say, moves differently in the TVA, and one might even assume that they can avoid having to deal with more variants at once than they can handle. And yet we see them dealing with exactly two other troublemakers during Loki's onboarding.

The first, I'm going to call little echo man.

Little echo man is incredibly annoying to Loki, because he does and says everything Loki might find himself inclined to do and say if he wanted to be difficult. Little echo man does these things in little annoying undignified ways, making them look silly and petulant. Little echo man protests and questions and pushes back, in his business suit and his long dark hair and pale skin, and clearly thinks everyone should treat him as important even though every indication is that he is an annoyance and an afterthought.

Perhaps he's a plant, and perhaps he's just a variant of an annoying but predictable regular they see who they lined up at the same time on purpose. But he is on purpose. Everything he does screams directly at Loki, "Don't do this."

We'll get to the second convenient intersection later.

The most obvious layer of manipulation is simply the beraucracy. They put him up against a series of obstacles which he needs to deal with to get anywhere else, and nothing he does can get him past those obstacles except compliance. All of these obstacles have personality, but they are not personable. They treat Loki like a bag of trash they have been tasked with taking to the curb. Annoying, distasteful, but ultimately routine. His silver tongue isn't going to get him anywhere because these people simply don't care.

I think a lot of these he just goes along with to see where it gets him, since at this point he still believes he has his magic in reserve. But the fact that he steps through the robot fryer even though he thinks he might be a robot without knowing (as others have pointed out, he spent thousands of years as a frost giant without knowing it, and he's recently spent time in the control of the being who shaped Nebula) is a testament to how deep they've already got their hooks in him.

They treat the robot fryer like it's routine, but come the next obstacle, they kill little echo man like it's routine, too. Because he didn't comply.

Loki is slowly being ironed flat to thread into their compliance mill.

And then - I love this, because it reminds me of one of my favorites among the multiplicity of Lokis, GoS!Loki - they put this line in as punctuation between the impersonal, compliance, don't phase of their manipulation and everything that comes after it.

When he's set before the judge, someone actually paying some attention to him, this is his chance to use his silver tongue on someone who will listen. But, although the judge listens, she treats him the same as all the other obstacles have - like listening is a distasteful chore she would like to be done with.

So it seems like the perfect moment for a dramatic escape. Except his magic is gone.

"It's not your story," the judge says. "It never was."

That hammers in all the worst things Loki has ever believed about himself - that he stands in the shadows of others, that he will never have the central place he was raised to desire, that he is, and always will be, a villain to be vanquished rather than a person with choices and agency.

Enter Mobius.

Mobius is a big echo.

He draws all the attention in a room. He is everything that Loki wishes to be - he is powerful, informed, prepared, in control. Capable of charming the judge. And most importantly, he is actively interested in Loki.

At this point in Loki's journey - both in the show and in his life - that has to be irresistible.

So Mobius is in a perfect position to wrap Loki right around his pinky finger.

He listens to Loki without shutting him down, the way all the obstacles have. When Loki tells Mobius he's going to burn down the TVA, Mobius suggests a couple of places he might want to start. One concrete, small, mischievous. One an indication that he's open to Loki doing larger, more significant things here in the future.

He shows Loki his own past and future - but carefully edited, to paint a particular picture.

So many echoes, so many reflections - Loki is in a house of mirrors. Lost, disoriented. Distorted one way, then the other. Magnified and examined.

Loki snarks, and Mobius comments, "Makes you sound smart." Affirms Loki for that little mischievous bit of personality.

Mobius shows Loki some of the most terrible things he's done, and questions them. Pushes Loki away from them. Then changes direction before he can get too heavy-handed, to basically fangirl over the DB Cooper adventure. That's mischief. That's good. I like that.

Punishes him for a small infraction, just to remind him who is in control and that even looking threatening could be seen as a problem.

I think it was at about this point that I got hard reminded of the dynamics of the show White Collar. It's a buddy cop show on a basic level and sometimes the relationship can be very sweet, but sometimes Peter spends one too many times reminding Neal that he can send him back to prison any time he wants and the power dynamic shows its messed up edges.

Mobius is part of the machine, and the machine is doing terrible things to Loki, but I have at least a sliver of hope that the relationship could gain more balance - more genuine balance, not based on the faux freedom that Loki has gained by the end of the episode. There's something to be said for making changes to a system from within that system, but for that to be meaningful change, Mobius would have to change as a person.

Anyway, this current nastily powerful Mobius pushes Loki as hard as he can, and then is conveniently interrupted by the actions of another variant, leaving Loki alone with his remote.

It could easily have been on purpose. The only thing Loki learns by escaping that room is that the TVA is more powerful than any force in the universe, in his experience.

Let's talk about the other Loki variant for a minute. It took me until the second viewing to realize the symbolism of leaving a small child the only survivor in a place of worship, then giving her something to turn her blue.

Odin said he found Loki in a temple, in the aftermath of a battle.

It's actually frighteningly easy to imagine how a distraught Loki could get to a place where he feels the need to genuinely burn down the TVA, and kill every agent in it. Because the TVA put certain clips in his little future show, focusing on the death of his mother, the way his own actions affected it, and the futility and brutality of his own death at the hands of Thanos.

They don't show him the destruction of Asgard, his own role in helping save the evacuees, and the way Thanos decimated the population of that transport before it could even reach Earth. They don't show him the devastation of his home or his capacity to do good.

A Loki who knows that the power of the TVA exists and that he has the capacity to be Asgard's heroic savior would do anything to get that power and save his people.

But we haven't met that Loki yet. I'm sure we will, and it's going to be exhilarating.

This Loki is being taught the importance of control over little things, and so when he gets his collar off and onto that guard, he toys with her, just to see that he can. They have been toying with him and it's oh so satisfying to turn the tables. But it's still compliance in its own way, the petty little mischief that Mobius has been steering him towards.

Loki has been given just enough freedom, just enough choices, that it seems like his own choice to watch the rest of the slide show and come to the obvious conclusion - there's no "out" to go to. His life has gone on without him, and ended. And there's really no point in his trying to fix it. No putting things back the way they were.

So he admits to Mobius - the person who has listened hardest, probably, besides his mother - he admits that he is small and scared and lashing out. That he doesn't know what to do.

Of course, this is when Mobius introduces the task the TVA has for Loki - to take down his other self.

Oh, I can't wait for the next episode! I want to know where this is going.

(I've popped in some panels from Loki: Agent of Asgard because it's my favorite and the show is giving me feelings about it.)

[roll-da-credits]

A Bunny with Bunny?  -Tamaki x reader-

Word count: 2k

Tamaki was someone who needed constant reassuring, you knew that when getting in a relationship with him. But sometimes, you forget. With a new tiny addition to your family distracting you and taking all your time, its hard not to get insecure and jealous.

A/n: AHHHHHHH, I can’t. I hope you guys enjoy the first fanfic I post here. I’ve literally never posted in Tumblr ever. I’ve always used Wattpad.

It was common knowledge by this point that Tamaki Amajiki had a lot of insecurities and anxiety. It only heightened when it came to you.

Although, a lot of the time you diffused his anxiety and insecurities pretty quickly once you realized. Whenever it came to you, he found himself deep in thought at night thinking if he deserved you.

In his mind, you were an incredible person with an equally wonderful personality. While he, on the other hand, was shy and riddled with nervousness at any social interaction. You shone bright, much like Mirio, he thought of himself as nothing compared to you.

Every single time he's had one of those thoughts, you'd be able to sense his doubts by the way he carried himself. Not doubts about your relationship or you, but on himself.

So, the entire day you'd stick close to him, showering him with light affection that you knew won't embarrass or make him feel even more embarrassed.

He considered himself EXTREMELY lucky to have someone as understanding and caring as you in his life. He knew dealing with his myriad of issues was difficult. But you went through them with no problem.

You even helped him with helping himself. By your constant words of affirmation, he's been able to be a bit more confident, even when you weren't there to help him.

Time went on, and by the second year you were dating, he barely had any doubts about himself in your relationship.

That is until he heard your conversation with Nejire.

"Just look at him!!!" You squealed in excitement.

 He was going through a hallway when he heard your and Nejire's voice when the hallways separated to the right and left. He stopped to listen in, curious about what you were talking about.

 "He is adorable." Nejire seemed to agree with you, peeking at the corner. He saw how you gushed about whatever photo you were showing Nejire.

His heart sank a little bit, but he wanted to give the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it was a photo of a family member.

"I just met him like last week and already have A LOT of photos of him."

Ok, this is starting to not sound like a family member.

Maybe it's a friend's baby brother. You have a lot of friends outside of the school you were close to their siblings as well.

"I just want to pamper him with all the kisses in the world and give him world!!!" You gushed.

Shit.

 Tamaki felt his heart drop. There's no way you were talking about a family member. Not by the way you seem to be enamored by them.

He tried to think back on when you seemed to lose interest. Thinking back to last week, did you act any differently?

If you did, he didn't notice it. The problem was last week you said you were ridiculously busy with stuff at home. He could even see from the tapping of your foot to the ground when it was last period you were aching to go back home.

Was it because of this new guy?

His heart clenched at the thought.

"God, I love him so much." His mind begged him to stop listening.

But before walking away, he wanted to hear what Nejire might say. There's no way his best friend would be ok with this.

There's no way she wouldn't protest at you being infatuated with another person when you were still in a relationship with Tamaki. That's just what a good friend would do. Instead of that, she said jokingly.

"Watch out a certain blue-haired boy might get jealous." You both laughed at her remark.

Did you think he wouldn't get jealous over you doting on another guy?

Did the nights you spent together cuddling and napping together really meant nothing to you?

His insecurities crept back into his mind. Tiny voices whispered about how he should've expected it. He should've expected someone as radiant as you would never want to be with someone like him.

His vision was blurred by the lot of tears that came down as he furiously tried to wipe them away.

He didn't watch the way he was going, and as a result, he bumped in head first to someone's chest.

He tried to mutter an apology, yet it came out as a stuttering mess of squeaks. "Woah! Slow down, Tamaki. What's wrong?"

Mirio.

Thankfully the guy he bumped into was Mirio, one of the most understanding guys he ever known.

Mirio pulled Tamaki to the side, where they both sat on a nearby seat. He patiently waited as Tamaki rubbed his eyes red, trying to clear his eyes from tears.

When Tamaki finally calmed down a little and is now just sniffling once in a while, Mirio braved himself to ask the question.

"Hey, Tamaki, what's wrong?" Tamaki's gaze still fixed to the ground, spoke in a voice barely above a whisper. "I think Y/n doesn't love me anymore."

Mirio's eyes went wide in shock. He didn't believe that in a second. You're the person who'd take any chance you can get to attack Tamaki with kisses or force him to cuddle with you whenever he felt unloved.

"Why do you think that?" Mirio composed himself. "I overheard them and Nejire talking about some guy she found cu- cute."

He stuttered a little bit at the end, finding it hard to believe that he would ever say that out loud.

"There has to be a misunderstanding here. Are you sure it's not just some celebrity or a family member?"

Tamaki heard the small panic in Mirio's voice. He knew Mirio didn't want to accept the fact either. "I heard them say that they just met him last week and that they wanted to give him kisses."

Mirio rubbed his temples to try and cope with the upcoming headache caused by stress.

There would be no way that you'd do that to Tamaki, is there?

There was a possibility that you and Tamaki's relationship didn't work out. He knew relationships aren't always permanent. But he didn't believe that you'd be such a coward, flirting with other guys when you were still in a relationship with someone who's head over heels for you.

"Tamaki, how about this." Mirio wanted to come up with a plan. Since it was already time to go home anyway, he thought it'd be a great idea to do it. "You and I can both go to Y/n's house, where they're most likely at right now, then we can talk about it."

Tamaki looked like he was about to disagree until, Mirio cut him off, "We need to make sure we read the situation correctly. We don't want to assume the worse, but at the same time, we shouldn't be needlessly positive either."

Tamaki gaped at Mirio's calmness. He knew he was so lucky to have Mirio as a friend. Someone level-headed that was able to bring Tamaki's mind to the situation at hand.

Tamaki agreed with Mirio together made their way over to your house. Albeit, both of them pretty nervous about what they might uncover.

When reaching your front door, Tamaki noticed how your parent's car wasn't there, which meant they weren't home. Tamaki took the spare key you gave him and opened the door.

It was relatively quiet until there was a high-pitched squeal from your bedroom.

Tamaki jumped at the sudden sound, and Mirio identified it as Nejire's voice.

"HE LOOKS CUTER IN PERSON!!!" They both heard Nejire scream.

Both the boys had incredibly bad feelings about this. Nejire's statement only confirmed the fact that you had brought this guy to your house.

Tamaki shook his head when Mirio motioned him to open the door to your bedroom.

He didn't want to see you all over a new guy who took your interest.

Hell, he didn't even want to be there in the first place.

Mirio sighed and nodded. He understood the circumstances his best friend was in and decided to open the door first.

When he did, the sight made his mouth gape open.

"Mirio!" You greeted the Tintin looking man (he looks like Tintin sue me.) "I've been looking for you everywhere. I want you to meet a special someone."

Tamaki, from behind Mirio's muscular physique, was still hidden from the two other people in the room and also couldn't see anything.

He only assumed the worst.

"This is Shiro. My parents bought him as a gift, and isn't he just the cutest little thing."

Wait

Wait

WAIT

BOUGHT??

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BOUGHT???

Tamaki pulled Mirio away from the door frame and looked at the sight that made Mirio so speechless.

Nejire was sitting cross-legged on the bed, her hand filled with fresh and clean greens.

You were sitting cross-legged as well, but on the ground. In the middle of your legs slept a tiny little black and white Dutch rabbit. (search them up they're adorable)

Now he understood why Mirio was speechless.

It was never a family member.

It was never a new guy.

It was never even a human being.

It was a fucking bunny.

He got so jealous to the point of crying, over a damn bunny.

Embarrassment seeped through him and he instantly walked to the corner of the wall to face it.

He should've noticed the litter box in your house. And how there were tufts of fur stuck on your clothes.

God, he felt so dumb.

You were so confused at your boyfriend's sudden timidness, but because of the tiny little ball of fur currently sleeping where you're sitting. There's no way you'd move and stir him from his sleep.

Mirio laughed out loud, and you quickly quieted him, explaining how bunnies are easily spooked.

He apologized and sat cross-legged in front of you, examining the tiny bunny thankfully still deep in slumber.

"Tamaki heard you talking about little Shiro to Nejire today." You nodded, while your hand softly caresses Shiro's head.

Tamaki shuffled closer into the wall, wishing to any god out there to melt into the wall. "After he told me, we genuinely thought you found a new boyfriend."

Your eyes widened and you looked over to your shy boyfriend.

Your heart ached at the thought.

Luckily for you, Shiro began waking up. Upon waking up, he promptly walked away from you to examine the new human being in the corner of the room, Tamaki.

You stood and gave Tamaki the biggest hug from the back you could muster.

Shiro nuzzled on Tamaki's ankles a little bit, making you giggle. "He seems to like you a lot!" Tamaki still refused to turn your way.

"You know in the RARE chance that I find someone even better than you. Which may I add is close to impossible I would never lie to you and still be in a relationship with you." He valued your honesty and the way you didn't try and make empty promises.

Mirio and Nejire took this as a cue to leave. Nejire, leaving the leafy greens on your bedside table above some tissues.

You took Tamaki's arm and turned him to look at you.

"Hey, hey. Have you been crying over this?" His gaze still fixated on the floor, he nodded.

You sighed and took one of your hands to his cheek to caress it. He enjoyed the warmth of your hand and leaned into it more.

Still trying to reassure him, you gave him a small peck on his lips.

Reminding him that right now, he was the most precious HUMAN guy in your life.

Shiro suddenly thumped at the ground with his two back legs. Both of you glanced over at the tiny bunny.

He looked pissed. He seemed to be demanding your attention and is furious to not be getting any.

Both of you burst into laughter at the silly behavior your bunny was now showing. You both sat down on the floor and began to give the bunny attention.

"See even he's jealous of you." You picked Shiro up on both your hands, all his four feet safely planted on the palm of your hand close to your stomach and not high from the ground.

Tamaki looked at you and Shiro and smiled intently. "Bunny with their pet bunny."

Your face heated up at the comment he made using your pet name, "oh shut up." You tried not to sound flustered but failed miserably. By the dopey smile you have decorating your face right now, Tamaki knew you were still ridiculously in love with him.

Even if one day you're not, Tamaki feels good knowing you'd break up with him before you hurt him any further.

After all, you are his most precious, incredible, kind, caring, daring, loving, patient.

Bunny

[katedrakeohd]

What Happens in Paris...(7)

Masterlist

Back at the train, the men and women separate to get ready for the tea party. Down in Max and Drake’s shared room, Drake is sitting on his bed watching Max do his primp and polish in front of the mirror. Impeccably dressed in his black Gucci dress shirt and trousers, Maxwell is running a comb through his neatly trimmed hair and whistling. If he wasn’t his friend, Drake could almost hate him for it. His clothing style rarely changed. His way of taking his day look into a night look usually involved the undoing of a button on his shirt, and the addition of a hair product to keep himself looking sharp when he broke out the moves on the dance floor. Drake knew though, even by day when Maxwell appeared to be calm and collected there was always a three ring circus, complete with peacocks, going on inside his head.

Drake looked down at Maxwell’s shiny black shoes, and then glanced at his own scuffed and worn looking brown ones. As much as Drake didn’t want to dress all fancy for a Royal tea party today, he knew that Kate was expected to be there. Plus he wanted to witness the look of envy on Maddy’s face when Kate walked in all dressed up and stole away attention from the future Queen. Although he usually wouldn’t give a damn how he looked when he skulked his way into events after everyone else important arrived. This time he knew Kate would be under Liam’s lustful eye, and it made his stomach ache at the thought. If he was going to escort Kate into this stupid party, even as her seemingly platonic friend, he had to make an effort to fit in for his own peace of mind. Drake cleared his throat to get Maxwell’s attention. I can’t believe I’m doing this again. Heaven help me.

“Uh, Max? About this party today… I can’t exactly show up looking like some bum off the street. Could you help me pick out something fit to wear?”  

Maxwell gasped, dropping the lint roller he was using to remove fluff and hair from his trouser leg. “Really?! You’ll let me dress you up for two events in a row?”

Drake sighs, getting up from the bed and running his hands through his hair. “Well don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“It is a big deal. My grumpy best friend wants to impress a girl!”

Drake grimaced, “Tone it down will ya? Besides, you are not my best friend.”

Maxwell is unfazed by the brush off and just raises his eyebrows, nodding, “Oh right! We’re even better than that now. We’re family!”

Drake opens his mouth to protest and then closes it again. Technically Max was right, as painful as it was for him to admit. He raises his hands and gives Max an impatient head shake, “Alright! Alright! Whatever! Are you gonna help me or not?”

“Of course I will. Show me what you got.”

Drake holds his hands out to the sides to display his current denim disaster.

“No, no silly.” Maxwell drags over Drake’s suitcase and flops it onto the bed. Drake places a protective hand on top, shakes his head.

“No point in looking in there," Drake grumbles.

“Okay then, to the Royal Closet we go.”

Kate sits in front of Hana’s portable makeup mirror, while Hana runs a round brush through her hair, coaxing it into soft waves. “I love your hair Kate, it’s so soft and manageable. What shampoo do you use?”

With a shrug, Kate admires her freshly painted fingernails. “Some kind of fruity scented stuff that I bought at the drugstore. Drake forgot to grab the matching conditioner when we showered, so I hope my hair doesn't get all full of static and frizz.”

Hana meets Kate's gaze in the mirror and they both giggle. “Oh my goodness, Kate. No wonder you two were late for breakfast.”

Trying to hide her blush in the lighted mirror was impossible, “Yeah, well I did interrupt him while he was shaving this morning. And damn he looked sexy in that bathrobe.”

Hana sighed with envy as she parted Kate’s hair and swept it behind her shoulder. Kate hands her the golden, flower embellished comb from the counter. “What’s it like Kate?”

“What?”

“Having a King and his best friend both in love with you?”

"It's not as fun as you might think. They've both staked their claim on me in some way and I hate being the rope in their tug of war. The worst part is that Liam has already lost me and he doesn't know it yet."

“Poor guy, he’s going to be crushed. What does Drake have that Liam doesn't?”

“He doesn't have the weight of the kingdom sitting on his head and shoulders, nor does he have a bunch of noble ladies fighting over him. Plus he’s nobody important to the press or tabloids. I’m not as worried about being seen with him, because I know he’ll protect me.”

“He’s not worried about being pulled into the Tariq scandal with you?” Hana asks, a look of concern on her face.

Kate shrugs, “I know he doesn't regret coming to my rescue, except for maybe the punches Tariq landed on his ribs. He was very much a gentleman about the whole thing, which is a lot more than I can say for Tariq.”

“But speaking of having two guys interested at the same time, what about Neville and Rashad?”

Hana wrinkles up her nose with a frown of disgust, “They're so boring. And neither were very nice to Penelope when we first met them.”

Kate applies a pale pink lip gloss to the center of her bottom lip to enhance her lipstick, pressing her lips together and then checking the results in the mirror, “Well frankly, since finding out she participated in the smear campaign against me, Penelope isn't one of my favorite people either. But I get what you’re saying, especially with Neville. He creeps me out in the same way Tariq does. Rashad seems to be marginally better than his friend as far as character goes, having made his own way as a businessman. He’s not depending on his Father’s money like Neville.”

Hana tilts her head, considering Kate’s thoughts. “I suppose you make a good point. But still, neither are as important, charismatic, charming or handsome as the King.”

Kate smirks, “Liam's definitely a charmer. I wonder sometimes what he sees in an ordinary barmaid like me. Or what Drake does either.”  Kate meets Hana's gaze in the mirror. "Am I really worth all this fuss? What's so special about me that loving one man must mean breaking the other's heart?"

"You mean besides your charisma, charm, intelligence and beauty? You're a genuinely nice person Kate, and everyone is drawn to you. The other women in the room envy you when the men all look your way."

Kate turns around to look up at Hana, seeing the admiration in her eyes. "You're all of these things and more, Hana."

Hana looks down at her shoes, shyly,  "I wish. My parents have invested so much into my training, refinement and education. But they've rarely praised me for any of my achievements. Sometimes I feel like they'd throw me at any available bachelor if it would raise my status on the social ladder, especially if it got our names in the media back home."

Standing up from her seat, Kate places her hands on Hana's shoulders. "Hey now, don't beat up on yourself. You're more than just some guy's arm candy or potential wife. You need to stand up and grab the future you want for yourself. To Hell with your parents’ expectations. I bet you could excel at anything you put your mind to. You don't need a man to raise your status. Be the strong independent woman I know you can be.”

Hana smiles, “Thanks Kate. I wish I’d met you years ago. You're the type of friend I've been missing all my life.”

Kate smiles back, “You’ve been here for me too, so it's only right that I return the favor.”

Stepping back from Hana, Kate strikes a pose with one hand on her hip, raising the other in a provocative sweep of her hair to highlight her face and bare shoulders. “So what do you think of my finished look?”

Hana smiles broadly, with a clap of approval at her stylish handiwork. “You're going to be hotter than the tea, that’s for sure.”

Kate winks, “Damn straight. We are.”

Drake stands outside of Kate's train compartment, fidgeting. Dressed in a crisp white dress shirt and dark grey trousers, with his hair combed and set with some of Maxwell's styling compound; he felt like a teenager on Prom night. Drying his sweaty hand on his thigh, he's reminded of how thin the fabric feels compared to his usual denim. The way the slim fit of the pant legs hugged his thighs made him feel so exposed, almost naked, and he was starting to regret not opting for his usual jeans. But Maxwell had assured him that he looked good, and that he’d fit in just fine at the party.

He hoped he looked good enough to escort Kate. The sudden absurdity of wanting to dress up for a tea party makes him chuckle and he shakes his head. Damn it Kate, what have you done to me?

Sucking in a deep breath he knocks on Kate’s door and waits.

…

Crouching down to secure the gold strap of her shoe around her ankle, Kate hears the buzzing sound of a text message coming from inside her purse. She glances up, “I bet that’s Drake.”

Hana gets a pinging sound on her phone seconds later, “It's a group text from Liam. The cars arranged to take us to the tea party have arrived. We're to meet in the dining car to coordinate who is traveling with whom.”

Kate breathes a sigh, picking up her clutch. “Ok, off we go then.”

.

Drake is leaning against the wall looking at his phone when he hears the sound of voices to his right, causing him to look up. Kate and Hana are giggling as they approach hand in hand, and then they stop as Kate sees Drake and gasps. “Oh..my...God! Look at you.”

With a smirk, Drake straightens up blushing. “What..do I look that bad?”

Kate shakes her head, then appraises Drake all over again with a head tilt and a slow look from head to toe and then back up again. “Nah, ah. Hardly. You’re looking like a tasty snack.”

Drake clears his throat, raising his eyebrows. “Heh, look who's talking. If I’m a snack you're definitely dessert.”

Hana grins at them both, rolling her eyes, “Ok lovebirds, quit with the flirty food talk and making eyes at each other we’ve got a party to get to.”

Stepping aside, Drake nods. “But of course, after you Ladies.”

Taking in a deep breath and closing his eyes as Kate passes him in the hall, Drake falls into step a few paces behind them. Damn she smells nice, this party isn’t going to be torture at all.

:::

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