#because every time i walk past a guy they smell so strong of aftershave that it could be a bug repellent

[mydream-synopsis]

i need to inhale togame

[soulwillower]

semi-charming •  bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x reader smut)

requested:  Do you have any bill denbrough x reader’s that you have finished that can be posted? I really love your work I re read it like everyday lol :)    +      AKANSHAKAKMA U SHOULD POST THE BILL DENBROUGH HATE SMUT AHHHH     +     don’t be shy post the b.d hate smut 😀🔫🥰🌝

i haven’t posted a fic in well over several months but i hope u guys like it :) im here and around still so send me something if u wanna chat <3 i also have re opened my requests lkajsdlkaj

also - i gained a lot of new followers while i was gone and im sure some ppl want to be removed from my taglist SO: i am gonna start a new taglist!!! pls send me a message and let me know if you want to be on it bc after this post im starting fresh  !!!!!!!!!

warnings: drinking, mentions of weed, dorm living, almost-strangers hooking up, smut, choking (light), light spitting, a tiny bit of dirty talk, switch!bill, its kinda fluffy smut tbh, enemies-to-lovers but its so lowkey, kinda cute guys, neighbor-ish au, 

(losers + reader are 19+.)

4.1k words

♡

the first time it happened, you wrote it off as unintentional. 

it's happened to everyone: you're joking around with your roommate, or reaching over to grab your laptop, and you fall off your bed to the floor. you knock over your lamp or someone knocks over the handle that was sitting half-empty on the mini-fridge. the tile on the ground of the dorm rooms are hard and cold and don't do much to quiet the noise of anything, so you get that. 

but whatever the hell was going on in the room above you was not that. it was three in the morning, and your head was spinning in that sickening way that only happens when you take too many drinks in a short time and find your way to bed for a few hours before being startled awake. 

a loud thump made you jump in your bed, heart racing as you woke in surprise. 

it was around twenty more loud thuds from your ceiling (in a span of barely two minutes) that you gathered the energy to slide out of your bed, sliding on your dorm slides and throwing on a shirt to cover your near naked body before storming into the hallway to climb the most challenging single story of stairs in your life, right to your upstairs neighbors' door. 

your hand was banging on the door for a mere five seconds before the door swung open and a terribly confusing sight fell onto your eyes. 

three boys who you've only ever seen in passing before in your dorm, all shirtless and heaving breaths. the one who answered the door, possibly bill or mike (judging by the stupid name tags on their door), has bright eyes and dark auburn hair that reflects in the dim light of the hall, backlit by the neon purple from inside the room. his sweaty bare abdomen made your eyes twitch as you glared at him, suddenly more irritated because he's kind of really hot and stupid and annoying, and you needed to sleep.

"hi.” he said casually, and you could tell he wasn’t entirely sober, either. 

“so what is your fucking problem?" you said in lieu of a greeting, half-asleep and pissed beyond belief (also still drunk). the boy who answered the door raised his brows, head turning with a brow raised, as if to ask his buddies 'are they for real?' before turning back with a large, cocky smile, "pardon you? we already turned down the music." 

you blinked, knowing you must have seemed so rude and looked insane but it was a weeknight and you had class in the morning, "wh- what, no- i'm not here about music. it's like three, you're slamming on the floor and i can hear it like i'm in a fucking tornado in my room below you so you need to knock it off." 

then the other boy, further back with foggy glasses, started laughing. the other one laughed too, rubbing his neck sheepishly, still breathing heavy. "what the hell are you guys even doing in there?" you added, running a hand through your hair in exasperation. 

"they were trying to bench press me. but then bill decided to start doing squat jumps onto his bed." the boy with glasses explained as he rubbed his chest, still concealed by the darkness of the room, illuminated only by the stupid LED neon lights that every single person in the dorms had lining their rooms. that explained the thudding. 

"why." you'd deadpanned. you were too tired for this, but you'd wanted them to understand that it was keeping people up. "richie got us kicked out of Pike for stealing their doorknobs and pledge class photos." the third boy says, elbowing the boy, richie. "we felt like working out, but then richie said we couldnt press him, so..." he trails off at the look you give. 

"you want my workout routine or something?" richie asks you. you sharply inhale and bill smiles, "well, if that's all, we'll be going. i've got one more rep to get in." 

your eyes widened, jaw dropping at his words. he'd laughed, then, and your eyes couldn't stop as you stared at his sculpted abs flex in the light. god damn it. 

"chill out, neighbor. sorry to wake you from your beauty sleep." he said as he noticed your look, and you wanted to fucking hit him. 

you rolled your eyes, picking up on his facetious tone. "whatever. just knock it off. thanks," you'd griped, sarcastically smiling at them before trudging away towards the stairwell. and you'd caught it when bill muttered, "is now a bad time to assemble my ikea desk with my drill?" 

you'd run into bill once again a few days after when you'd gone to use the bathroom on the floor above you where your friend lived, washing out the bowl you'd used for lunch. a 'shh!' had made your brows furrow as you'd walked in, not paying attention as you'd heard a shower stop and a girl laugh from the other side of the bathrooms. 

but a deep voice grunting 'ow, fuck' made you freeze and then feel hot, wondering what kind of luck you have to be in the bathroom when some people were hooking up in the shower. but you're reminded that you had the worst luck when you go to leave the bathroom and two figures round the corner, hair soaking wet and hoods pulled over their heads. making eye contact with him, he must've seen how flustered and irritated you were, because he cracked a grin, "good to see you again, neighbor. you sleeping well these days?" 

that was only a few days ago. you'd seen him in passing at a party at one of the frats, but had avoided any interaction with him after you saw him and his friend with the glasses snickering to themselves after sneaking looks to you. god, you didn't want to face them again - they were so mocking, so cocky.... so rude, and they made you feel like you were being insane just for wanting to have peaceful sleep. bill was not your favorite person. 

but as bad as the first two experiences were, the third time you had the misfortune of interacting with bill, it was the worst. 

your roommate was out for the weekend, and you'd found yourself stuck with your leg and ankle pinned between your heavy file cabinet under your bed and your bedframe, unable to scoot it over on your own to free your leg. 

you were planning on relaxing tonight, after being stood up from a booty call hook up. you’re mad, frustrated, horny, and close to tears now that you’ve gotten yourself stuck pinned to your bed.

it’s nearly one in the morning, and nobody’s in the hall. 

but then, bill walked past your open door as you struggled, and desperately you called, "hey!" 

his double-take into your room, his head poking in, would have been charming if the face was anybody but him. 

"what?" he asks, suddenly noticing it’s you. his voice is not charming and calm as you've seen him be with other peers, but in your stubborn mind, you convince yourself it’s fine; you don’t like him, either. 

"i'm stuck, can you help?" you say despite your thoughts. 

he sighs, dropping his backpack next to your bed and then tugging to try and move the cabinet. 

"how did you do this?" he mutters as he pulls as hard as he can to pull it, but your shoe is too wedged diagonally against the floor, cabinet and frame. you sigh, "thought i could nudge it to the side with my toes, i dropped my dab through the crack." 

he chuckles, trying to instead shove it backwards instead; to no avail. "smart girl." he says sarcastically, and you roll your eyes, trying to help him shove it. "what was the point of you keeping me up all fucking night if you aren't strong enough to move this shit?" you say, exasperated because it's starting to dig into your calf. 

he stops, rolling his eyes at you. "has anyone ever told you that you can be a bit rude?" he asks, moving closer to you to try and push it away. you look down at him from where you stand, elbows on your mattress. "no. you're just a dick. fight fire with fire, or whatever." you mutter, face feeling hot. 

you can't stop staring at his shoulders, his arms - they're so hot, the veins popping out of his hands and forearms, the smell of his aftershave wafting into your nose from where he kneels next to you. 

he just hums. "i'm going to try to push your leg forward and then push the cabinet away." he states, and you nod, just wanted this nightmare to be over. you're still terribly embarrassed and the proximity to such a hot and confusingly irritating boy is making you lose your grip. 

it takes a lot in you to not jolt when his warm hand wraps around your bare leg and starts to pull you, his strong hold on you making you tingle. "what's your name?" he asks, and you almost laugh as his grip on your thigh tightens, the feeling of his fingers wrapped around your skin making you hot. this is insane.  "y/n." you struggle out, throat feeling dry - there's no reason his hand needs to be so high up on your leg, but some part of you really wants it. "it says that on my door." you say breathlessly. 

whatever he was going to reply with is cut off as he tries to readjust his grip on you and the cabinet, but his hand slides up and grazes the skin near the apex of your thigh, coaxing a sharp gasp to fall from your mouth. 

he turns red, looking up at you, "god, sorry." he mutters, and you bite your lip, unable to look away. 

you kind of forget to say anything, stuck staring at him, heart thumping as wetness pools between your legs just from this boy's touch. god, you've got to get laid. 

his arm is wrapped around the onside of your leg, thumb reaching higher on your thigh than his other fingers, and for a moment you hesitate before deciding to go for it: you drop your hand hand to his hair, pulling lightly as you 'steady yourself,' smirking as you feel his shaky breath against your thigh. 

you don't even care about getting unstuck now, all you can think about is being fucked into the mattress by this asshole boy from the fourth floor. you’re not sure where this feeling came from. 

when he finally pushes the cabinet away, causing you to stumble to catch your ground. he helps you get the cart and then push the cabinet back, awkward small talk making you want to die. "why were you down here anyways?" you ask, rubbing your leg. "mike kicked me out to be with a girl and all my friends are out for tonight." he sighs, rubbing his neck. "i have to do homework tonight, just going to find somewhere quiet to get it done." 

"that's surprisingly responsible." you say, looking at him wearily. he gives you an annoyed look, "what's that supposed to mean?" you roll your eyes, "you don't seem particularly academically motivated." you state, unsure if you're coming across as flirtatious or just a dick. he gives you a look as he moves to grab his things from next to your bed. "you seem more pleasure motivated." 

you catch your mistake immediately - and he does, too, smirking. you stutter to fix it, "don't be gross." you defend weakly. 

he's biting his lip and something rumbles in your chest, flames in your abdomen. it's hard to gauge if you don't like him or if you do. maybe you're just horny.

"i thought you were cute, you know, until you showed up at three in the morning to chew me out." he mutters, eyebrows raised, "i get that that was annoying, but it was a saturday. everyone was drunk, i don't get why you are still being a bitch." his face drops when he says that, as if he didn't mean to say it at all, but he doesn't take it back. you shrug, not too offended. he kind of has a point, "i don't get why you have to make everything so much harder than it has to be. doesn't matter how hot you are,  i don't have to like you, you know." you say, crossing your arms with a smirk. 

"believe me, i'd rather you not like me." he says, smile on his face troubling. you look at him, trying to gauge why you're feeling so flustered, why you want to jump his bones right now no matter how annoying he is. "then why haven't you left yet?" you challenge. you figure if you're reading his actions wrong, this gives him an out. 

"because i kind of want to fuck you now." he says boldly. you just smirk, walking towards where he sits on your desk chair, lowering yourself to straddle him. he looks up at you, eyes large and mischievous as he pulls you down on him all the way, your hips grinding lightly. "i think you want to fuck me always." you whisper, lips hovering above his, teasing. you're eating up all his attention, soaking it up and savoring the way he watches you. 

you boldly snake your hand down between the two of you, lips still refusing to touch his, your hand starting to tease his clothed cock as it hardens under your palm. you stroke him as you lean, almost kissing him before pulling away. he glares at you. 

then you move your hips, the tension in your room killing you. he lets out a half-moan, causing you to buck your hips again, relishing in the pleasure it gives you. he leans forward, trying to catch your lips, but your hand catches his chest, your lips just centimeters from his own.  "fuck you, y/n." he says, fed up with your teasing as his hands squeeze your ass, moving to the bottom of your thighs and then rising with surprising ease, holding you against him and making your heart thump in shock. he takes four long strides towards your bed, tossing you on it. you grin, expecting for him to climb onto you, but instead he's walking towards your door, making your heart quicken. is he leaving? 

he slams your door shut, though, and it makes you smirk as he clicks the lock. you're on your back, the sight of him upside down making you bite your lip, eyes nearly even with the bulge in his sweatpants. 

he walks up to you, and you eye him as he bends forward, hand catching your chin, holding your head forward with a strength you didn't expect. "look at me." he says suddenly. you blink, feeling hot as you stare into his eyes. 

"don't tease me." he says, and you swallow, heart racing in excitement. "okay." you croak, and it seems to satisfy him because he tilts your neck from here he holds your neck and chin, kissing you soundly on your lips. you feel on fire at his touch, squirming as you slip your hands into his hair - it's making you so needy that he's holding you, almost trapped on the mattress, kissing him upside down. 

he pulls away and you flip around, allowing for him to climb onto the bed, barely enough time before you pull him in for another kiss, this one heated and desperate. 

he bites marks on your neck as your hands palm him, pushing your own thighs together in need. slowly, you push him down against your mattress and sling a leg over his hip, moving to straddle him. his hands find your hips easily, looking at you like you're the only thing ever worth looking at; your breath leaves your lungs and you steady yourself, the reality of how fucking beautiful bill is hitting you at once. 

you pull his shirt off, yours coming off, leaving you in just your shorts and underwear. he palms your tits, pinching your nipple as you grind down against his cock, whimpering at the feeling of his pants against your clothed clit. "if only you'd come up to my room like this." he says, and you snap your eyes to his, seeing the teasing grin but glaring at him. "maybe you would've been nicer to me if you knew how good i'd make you feel." he whispers as you resume your hip's movement, "shut up, bill." you hiss. he laughs, his thumb making contact with your clit takes you by surprise and you jump a bit, moaning quietly as your eyes close in pleasure. 

"take these off." he mutters into your mouth as you bite his bottom lip. you take off your shorts, quickly resuming your spot straddling him, his lips trailing from your breasts to your throat and then your mouth again, grinding against him in need. he toys with your slit over your panties before he pulls them slowly to the side, spreading your juices on his long fingers, humming as he brings his fingers to his lips, watching you as he licks his fingers. you nearly moan, impatient enough that you kiss him, tasting yourself on his lips faintly; "do you want me?" you whisper against his lips.

"i wish i didn't," he says, "but yes. do you want to do this?" 

you're breathless, beside yourself with need, "yes." you say quickly, tugging his sweats off and tossing them to the floor. "fuck you, by the way." you spit, flipping him off. he grins and it's fucking beautiful, his smirk, his red cheeks, heaving chest. budding hickeys bloom over his neck and chest as he catches your hand, tugging you forward over him, whispering, "you're about to." 

you roll your eyes, ignoring the butterflies in your chest, hand falling over his as he pumps himself. your thumb swipes over his tip, spreading his precum before opening the condom he'd pulled out of his pocket (you don't even want to know why he brought one with him to study) and roll it onto his cock. 

and then you’re pushing aside your panties and stabilizing yourself on bill’s chest. you line yourself up on him and look to him for one last confirmation. he nods, “quick fucking around, babe.” he says, but his voice sounds desperate and his cheeks are flushed and you let out a strangled moan as you sink onto him, the nickname making your stomach flutter. you have to stay and give yourself time to adjust to his size, his moans swallowed by your own mouth as your tongue swipes his. his hands roam your body, squeezing your hips, your ass, your breasts and then rising to cup your neck and back. 

“shit, bill.” you whimper as you slowly start to move up and down. his eyes fall shut in pleasure and his head tilts back, exposing the entire expanse of his throat for you to claim, his hands falling to your hips. your eyes watch his thin necklace shine in the faint light from your lamp and he's filling you up perfectly. 

he looks like fucking heaven.

you kiss his neck lightly as you pick up the pace, bouncing on him steadily as his fingers grip the sides of your thighs.

“fuck, y/n.” he whispers, staring at you with his lips caught between his teeth. the feeling of him stretching inside you and hitting the perfect spot has your legs shaking already, breathing heavily. he’s soon surging up, kissing you deeply as groans fall from his lips, his arms rising to your waist to hold you as you move.

"you're much better when you're not talking." you mutter as you fuck yourself on him, moving your hips as you bounce. he rolls his eyes, "i'd fuck you every day if it meant you wouldn't come ruin my fun every night." he quips back, eyes challenging. and your hand rises to squeeze around his throat, at first as a joke, but then he smiles brightly, a smirk that stirs something in you and you squeeze ever so slightly, the feeling of his pulse making you moan. 

his smirk sends butterflies through your stomach, pleasure swirling in your core. but then his own hand rises to your own throat, squeezing lightly.

you moan, unable to keep it together. "you think two can't play this game, y/n? it's like you don't know me." he tuts, seemingly pleased as you're flushing, gasping as your legs stutter, his hips moving up to meet yours, strokes hitting you deep. “i don’t,” you whisper, and he hums. 

your legs stutter after one particularly satisfying thrust and he grabs your hips, lifting slightly and biting his lip as he starts to thrust up into you. “oh, my god,” you moan as he hits your g spot and he curses under his breath.

your hand comes up to rest on the wall behind him as you meet each other half way, hitting a spot deep inside you that has you moaning his name loud enough for anyone to hear. you hope to god your next door neighbors are out. 

he presses his lips to yours and you know its to get you to stop being so loud - it makes your toes curl in pleasure. then his thumb snakes its way to your lips, his grin widening when your lips immediately part and suck on the finger, humming around it as your hand rests on his neck, the other over his abs as you bounce. 

"so pretty like this, y/n." he leans up, then, sitting up more and changing the angle, making you gasp with a moan as his hand snakes around your waist, pulling you closer to his face with the hand on your face. he pulls his thumb from your mouth with a light pop, your legs barely riding him at your proximity, instead steady on his hips, his cock warm and stretching you. "do you think you'd look pretty under me?" he asks. you swallow, moving your hips again and sliding on his cock, movements making you stare at him, pleasure building. 

"i think you would." he whispers, hand still on your neck. you whimper a bit, sliding off of him, allowing him to climb over you, kissing you soundly before pulling you to the edge of your bed, legs hanging off as he stands in front of you. lifting one leg, he kisses your knee and holds it up as he teases your slit with his cock before sliding into you again, causing you to let out a loud moan, his own melding with yours. 

your eyes roll back at the new angle, legs shaking as his fingers dig into your thigh. “wanna see your f-face when i make you cum.“ he mutters, hand rising to thumb your lip, dragging your bottom lip down.

 "you think you're gonna make me cum?" you bite, knowing no man you've been with has been able to. 

you watch as his eyes admire the half-lids of your eyes, the blissed, fucked-out look on your face. your chest is littered in blossoming hickes, varying from pink to dark red and slightly purple already. 

he says nothing in response to you, but pulls your leg further open, spitting down onto your cunt, making you moan lightly, the action being terribly sexy. his thumb finds your clit and starts to rub perfectly in counteraction to his thrusts, his lips finding your nipple. 

you gasp in pleasure, panting as you start to wonder if he really is going to make you cum. then his thumb rubs circles on your clit and as he presses lightly, you can’t hold off any longer. “fuck,” you hiss as you hit your peak, your orgasm making your legs shake. you can’t help it, gasping and bucking your hips as you clench against his cock in bliss, your orgasm causing you to tug his hair in ecstasy. “so pretty.” he mutters against your neck, pressing kisses to it as you’re moaning and arching your back. "so good, cumming for me." he says cockily. you're panting as you whisper, "shut up," his hips still pounding into yours. 

“god, you're such a sweet talker.” he mutters sarcastically as you look at him desperately, his eyes fall shut in bliss, a deep groan leaving his lips, you can tell he's close. 

"and you're such a gentleman." you jest back, pulling him closer by his shoulders, eyes shutting in bliss. he hums, strokes getting sloppier, "i let you cum first, didn't i?" he counters. 

you huff a laugh, something in your heart twinging in affection. you kiss him so you don't say something stupid, moving your hips with his. a few strokes and he's pulling you closer to him by your back, whimpering into your mouth, “y/n, fuck.” beautiful moans fall from his cherry colored lips as he cums, and you just stare at him in awe, surprised by how hot it is as he says your name. he rides his high and then falls off of you, onto the mattress between you and the wall. 

"hey," he says after a few moments of you both catching your breaths, your hands overlapping on your stomach but not nearly holding hands. it makes you feel warm in a weird way. excited, nervous. 

"what?" you ask, turning to stare into his eyes. he smirks, "you think we woke up the downstairs neighbors?" he whispers, eyes alight with tease. 

you shove him, smothering him with a pillow while he laughs, pulling you onto him. 

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[rebelwrites]

Chapter Twenty Two: Home Sweet Home - Lola

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Falling For Red Masterlist

This Months Writing

“For fuck sake stop babying me” I spat, swatting Maddox’s arm away from me as I positioned my good hand on the side of the car door to pull myself up. “I can fucking manage”

“I’m just trying to help” Maddox glared “you have literally been released from hospital sorry for caring”

“I don’t need help” I hissed through the pain as I finally pulled myself out of the car, trying to ignore the pain in my side and my thigh. “I’m fine”

“So fucking stubborn” he laughed as I stuck my middle finger up at him.

“Sit and spin asswipe”

“And she is back now guys” Maddox smirked as he closed the car door behind me.

“I never fucking left” I scoffed rolling my eyes at him as I hobbled into the house. One look around and I was repulsed. “Seriously you lot are a bunch of pigs. Look at the state of this place.”

“We kind of have more important things to worry about than doing the dishes,” Axel said kissing the top of my head. “Now sit your ass down on the sofa and don’t even think about moving”

“But”

“Don’t make me tie you down” he smirked “you need to rest, you are still healing and I don’t particularly fancy redoing your stitches because you don’t listen”

“Fine” I huffed as he helped remove my jacket before settling on the sofa. “Someone make me a decent cup of coffee, it was a crime what they gave me in the hospital”

“You know she is seriously going to milk this situation” Maddox grinned as he sat on the sofa. But that didn’t stop me from grabbing the nearest thing to me, which happened to be an empty coke can, launching it at his head.

“You know I can hear you right?” I laughed but stopped pretty quickly due to the pain shooting through my ribs.

“Don’t make her laugh,” Nix scolded, hitting Maddox round the head, before turning to me holding his palm out to reveal some tablets.

“Do I have to take them?” I pouted.

“Yes” he said sternly “I’m not prepared for you to be skipping your pain killers because let’s face it you are a grumpy fucker when in pain”

“Fine but I expect ice cream later” I glared while taking the tablets before pushing myself up to go for a smoke.

“You are such a child you know” he laughed, shaking his head before he put his arm around my waist, helping me to my feet “where are you going?”

“For a smoke” I said

As I leant against the wall, cigarette hanging from my lips, I checked my phone to find another message from Grayson. I wasn't replying to him so you would think he would get the message but no, at least once a day he texted. All of which I ignored. I didn’t want to talk to him right now.

“Stop pushing him away, Red” Nix said, sitting on the wall in front of me.

“I just don’t want to talk to him Nix” I sighed, shoving my phone back into my pocket. “But at the same time I do, I just don’t know what to do”

“Listen to your heart kiddo” he said smiling softly at me.

“That’s what got me in this mess in the first place” I huffed “I really need to start listening to my head”

“Look I get it, you are scared. You don’t trust people easily and the fact that within a week Grayson had started to chip away at those walls you built years ago is causing you to freak out” Nix said.

I didn’t make any eye contact. I knew he was right, I knew it was just because I was freaking out but I didn’t want to admit to myself how he made me feel. Just like I tried to act strong about everything that had happened for the past couple of weeks. The guys could see straight through my act and I knew it. They all knew that right at this moment I felt like the old me and I hated every moment of it. I knew I couldn’t keep bottling everything up because at some point I would explode, I needed to face the demons that plagued my soul but not today.

Tossing the cigarette butt in the plant pot I hobbled back inside to get a much needed coffee. I couldn’t wait to sleep in my own bed and not an uncomfortable hospital bed.

Soon enough I had drunk my coffee and was snuggled up to Nix on the sofa under my blanket. Nix was basically my big brother so whenever I wasn’t feeling myself I’d gravitate towards him, I didn’t even need to ask if he just knew what I needed. The sensation of him rubbing my back was soothing and I soon drifted off to sleep.

I don’t know how long I had been asleep for but the smell that intoxicated me gently woke me up. I don’t know what it was about his aftershave but it made me feel safe. But I pretended to be asleep, I didn’t want to have to deal with him at the moment.

“How is she doing?” Grayson asked, there was sadness in his voice that made me want to pull him into my arms and just hold him.

“She’s acting like she is fine” Nix sighed as he ran his hand through my hair. “I knew she would though, she doesn’t like showing her true emotions”

That’s it Nix just spill all my secrets why don’t you.

“I’ve been texting her but she’s ignored every single one” Grayson sighed “I shouldn’t be surprised, if be feeling the same if I was in her position”

“She just needs to see you aren’t going anywhere mate” Nix said softly. “If she sees that then it might be a bit easier for her, but you mentioned at the hospital you went through something similar a while back?”

“Yeah and I bottled everything I was feeling up until one day I exploded and actually got arrested” he said “I just don’t want her to do the same thing, I found talking about it really helps”

Wait he went through the same thing? Was that why he kept texting me?

“I was twenty when it happened” he sighed “just tell her that I stopped by and I’m always going to be here if she needs someone to chat to. I might understand better than anyone”

“Will do man, thanks for stopping in” Nix said softly, not wanting to wake me.

As soon as I heard the front door shut, I took a deep breath.

“He’s gone Red, I know you aren’t asleep” Nix laughed tapping my head. “You can’t keep avoiding him”

“Debatable, how did you know I was awake anyway?” I yawned as he helped me to sit up.

“As soon as he walked in the room your nose twitched and you started to smile” he smirked.

“Fuck” I mumbled.

“But you heard what he said, I don’t need to repeat it” he smiled, kissing the top of my head. “Just let him in kiddo”

@chibsytelford @everyhowlmarksthedead @talicat713 @little-diable @band--psycho @mrsmarvelous1995 @pancakeisreading

[deans-mind-palace]

Heavenly touch

Pairing: Castiel x Fem!Winchester!Reader

Summary: You’re in your last year of high school. But nothing goes according to plan. While your older brothers are hunting demons down you have to attend school in whatever forsaken town they drag you to. You are bullied because you have no boyfriend, no sexual experience and you not even have had your first kiss yet. Dean doesn’t get your problem and Castiel is curious. That won’t end well.

Word Count: 1,896

Warnings: Fluff, fluff and fluff. And an overprotective brother!Dean.

Author’s Note: Enjoy. Remember, guys, likes are silver, feedback is gold.

Angrily you threw your backpack into a corner of the bunker and then dropped onto the couch. You buried your face in the pillow and drummed your feet angrily on the bulging cushion. The door to the kitchen opened and a little later your oldest brother Dean appeared in the door frame with a sandwich in his hand. He boldly bit off his sandwich and watched you. "Well?" he asked with his mouth full and some crumbs fell to the floor. "Not a good day again, sweetheart?" he said and looked at you with pity. You sighed and raised your head from the soft fabric of the pillow as you felt the sofa sink under his weight as soon as your brother sat down next to you. His green eyes watched you anxiously and you avoided his gaze, for you could not bear the pity in it. His hand stroked your back soothingly and he swallowed the last bite of his sandwich. Then he cleared his throat. "Was it those girls again?" he asked carefully and you nodded. He sighed because he already knew the problem. The girls from your new school found you funny and laughed at you every chance they got. At the thought that someone was teasing his little sister, hot anger shot through his veins, but he held back. Sam had forbidden him to get involved. The younger brother thought it would only make things worse. Still, it wasn't easy for Dean to watch you come home sad every day.

You bedded your head on his lap and looked straight and silent until your older brother broke the silence again. "So what was it this time?" Dean asked and the rustling of wings tore you from your conversation for a moment. Castiel appeared at the other end of the room and watched you closely.

"Hey, Cas." you mumbled soundlessly. The angel looked at you in surprise. Normally you were always delighted to see him and hugged him whenever he showed up, but this time you stayed motionless on the sofa with an empty look. Cas missed his usual greeting. You were very important to him. Always been. Since you met, the angel had tolerated you from the very beginning. Soon a deep friendship had developed out of it, because you had always been interested in what the angel had to say. You were the only one who was allowed to embrace him. It was your nature and he always enjoyed your company immensely.

He threw a questioning look at Dean, who shook his head only slightly. Silently, Castiel leaned in the doorway and listened curiously to your next words. Once again, you sighed. "This time it was something new. They made fun of the fact that I had never had a boyfriend before. And I never had my first kiss. And, well..." You paused and swallowed briefly, dodging Dean's gaze again. You knew he was gonna be pissed. Not at you, of course. But he was still mad. "Anything that happens just after a kiss." A vein pulsed at his temple, his jaw muscles grinding hard, and his hands kept clenching in fists as he took a deep breath and tried to keep his composure.

"Those bitches," he hissed in gritted teeth and Castiel raised an eyebrow in wonder. "It's okay, De." you muttered in a low voice. "They're right. I mean, look at me. I have no experience to brag about, and I'm eighteen years old! By my age, others are already getting married or becoming mothers." Dean's face softened as he looked at you and turned your head towards him. "Look at me, sunshine. You're just waiting for the right guy. So what? Others lose their virginity at thirteen. You take your time. And you know what? That's good! It's your business! You are perfect as you are. And don't let anyone tell you different," Dean explained. You nodded, but your brother's words did not succeed in erasing the weight in your stomach. Dean stood up and gave you a kiss on the forehead.

"I have to talk to Sammy now." he said and made his way to the library. He needed to talk to his brother. It couldn't go on like that. He wanted to kill those girls. They'd gone too far this time! The door closed behind him and it became quiet in the living room. You had forgotten Castiel was still in the room with you until he cleared his throat and you flinched. He looked at you apologetically before he walked towards you.

"What's wrong?" he asked in his deep voice, and his baby blue eyes looked at you questioningly. You loved those blue eyes. In fact, they were your favorite color. You secretly called it Castiel blue. Because it was the angel's signature color. "What's wrong?" he asked, taking the seat Dean had sat in seconds before. You looked past him in shame. "I - it's not important, Cas. Girl things." you waved off, but the angel did not let go. "It's bothering you," he murmured calmly. You looked at the angel next to you in surprise. "How-" But he didn't let you finish your question.. "You didn't hug me," he explained and a smile crept up to your lips. You'd forgotten all about that when you started feeling sorry for yourself. You immediately straightened up and wrapped your arms around the angel's neck. "Sorry, Cas," you muttered in the crook of his neck and buried your nose in his hairline. He smelled of a mild shampoo and spicy aftershave. The trench coat under your fingers smelled sweetly of detergent. It was the typical Castiel smell. His arms closed around you and he pulled you closer, bedding his chin on your head. You could have remained in that position forever.

Eventually, you'd break away from him a little, and you could look at each other's faces. His blue eyes sparkled embarrassed at his next words. "If it's so important to you, I could -" His voice trailed off for a short moment. "Well, I could be your first kiss?" You looked at him in surprise, and he misinterpreted it. Unsure, he averted his gaze. "I-I just thought, if it's that important to you... I mean, I never have - but I'd be honored if you'd be the first and -" He stuttered embarrassedly to himself until he simply broke off and drove through his brown hair with one hand. You put your index finger on his soft lips and smiled broadly at him. The angel looked at you with big blue eyes and waited anxiously for your next words.

You leaned forward a little further and his breath brushed over your rosy lips as you whispered the next words. "It would be a pleasure to have my very first kiss with you, Cas," you muttered. He nodded slightly and his eyes never left your face. His eyes wandered restlessly between your eyes and your lips. His breath blew gently across your face and he approached you slowly. One last time he looked at you reassuringly and as you nodded, his lips lay softly on yours. It felt strange and and Cas was really careful, but his lips were very soft. You too enjoyed the kiss very much. Even though you both had no experience and got out of breath quickly, it was a sweet kiss that soon became something more passionate.

"Is it okay?" Cas asked as soon as you separated and breathed heavily. Your lungs burned and you inhaled the oxygen eagerly. You smiled and your lips met again. Soon, Cas's hands made their way around your waist, pulling you closer together. Your hands didn't stay restless either, but moved from his hard chest over his strong shoulders to his neck, where your hands were buried in his short hair.

Cas grew bolder and his tongue gently stroked your lower lip. "I got that from Dean," he muttered in the kiss, and you smiled at his lips. Cas also smiled warmly. You did not know how much time had passed. Maybe hours, maybe minutes since Cas's lips moved against yours, but you didn't care because you savored the moment.

The moment that was abruptly interrupted when your brothers burst into the room. Embarrassed, you and Cas drifted apart, but he still held you in his lap. "What the hell?" cursed Dean and you saw Sam smiling at you knowingly. "Well, Dean, looks like that problem solved itself. She had her first kiss," Sam laughed and shrugged his shoulders while you hid your face burning with shame in Castiel's neck from the gaze of your brothers. Dean seemed genuinely upset, Sam found the whole thing rather amusing. The blush on your cheeks and an angry brother was punishment enough. "He kissed our little sister, Sam," Dean said, looking at Cas accusingly. The angel looked like he was guiltless. He had no idea what was going on, of course. "I know, Dean," Sam replied and winked slyly at you. Dean took a step towards you, then turned back to Sam. "I just won't punch him because he's a freaking angel. I don't punch angels," Dean explained. Castiel looked at you confused, but you barely shook your head as your fingers began to play with the short hair on the back of his neck. Sam patted your older brother on the shoulder. "I know, Dean," he repeated.

Finally, Cas spoke in a quiet voice. "You kiss girls all the time, Dean. I don't see the difference," he remarked. "The difference is that she is my little sister, okay, Cas? My innocent little baby sister! She's too young for her first kiss." You rolled your eyes at your eldest brother's words. "I'm 18, Dean." You giggled back and Cas put his head on your shoulder. Dean turned away. "Now they are cuddling in front of me," he murmured tortured. "I mean, look at him, Sammy. He's a grown man. Y/N... Y/N was just a baby a minute ago. I was just carrying her around, rocking her to sleep! And he? He's older than me!" Castiel cleared his throat. "Well, actually, I'm older than Earth, Dean, so..." You shut his mouth pretty quick with your hand. "You're not making it any better, Cas." you whispered into the angel's ear, clearly amused by Dean's dropping jaw.

"I-I need a drink," Dean muttered, and went into the kitchen. "If you'd just let me threaten those girls, Sammy..." He shook his head. Sam followed him and turned around again in the doorway. "He'll get over it," your brother said with a grin. "Give him time. He just doesn't want to admit that you're not the little girl who looked up to him anymore." "Sammy?" It came from the kitchen. "Bring me the whiskey." Sam winked at you.

As soon as everybody left the room, Cas looked at you again. "I know how time flies." you smiled. He smiled it back at you. "You do?" "Uh-huh." And there you were, lips back together again.

Tags beneath the cut. Wanna get tagged? Drop an ask or check out the link to my tag lists in my bio.

Castiel tag list: @zizzlekwum​ @ashthefirefox​ @rintheemolion

[ninjabucky]

My Girl

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You and Bucky secretly love one another, but as friends, you’re both scared to admit your feelings to each other. 

Warnings: Fluff, mutual pining, friends to lovers AU, talks of sex, implied smut at the end. 

Word Count: 2,834

A/N: Heavily inspired by the song 'Be My Baby' by The Ronettes. I kept the song on repeat as I wrote this. 

This is also for @simsadventures​ 1k writing challenge and I've just made the deadline!! I had the prompts: Mutual Pining and Friends to Lovers and I loved every single of writing this. Congratulations on your followers sweetheart. You're a treasure and you deserve so many more. I love you!!

The night we met I knew I needed you so And if I had the chance I'd never let you go

Sundays were your favorite day of the week because every Sunday you and your best friend James, or Bucky as he liked to be called, came over to your apartment and the two of you would share a relaxing movie night to unwind and refresh yourselves for the upcoming week. 

You were friends with Bucky for over 3 years, and in the past year and a half the two of you became the best of friends and you couldn’t imagine your life without him now. He had this lingering presence and he could lift your spirits within seconds of being around him. And though the two of you spoke over the phone every day, it was only a couple days a week you would meet up with him and his friends to hang out.

To the outsiders, it was easily assumed you were more than friends. The way the two of you would cozy up in the corner of the booth at some bar, laughing and joking with each other or the smile that never seemed to stray far from Bucky’s mouth whenever you were around or as Steve recognized when the two of you would exchange text messages. Or his excitement whenever you posted a new selfie on Instagram and he shoved his phone in Steve’s face for him to see. 

As his best friend, Steve kept encouraging Bucky to talk to you about his obvious crush. But every time he tried to talk to him about you, Bucky would shoot him down and change the topic.

You were Bucky’s bubble, his motivation to wake up every morning, his inspiration to become a better man, hopefully for you. 

Bucky was inevitably in love with you. 

Within the three years of the two of you being friends, he has never looked at another woman the same way he looks at you. There is no one else out there for him, you’re it for him. The rare couple of dates he went on ended disastrously, the women were not interested in his hobbies, in his work. They just wanted what was in his pants and Bucky wasn’t that type of man to have one night stands. 

His last serious relationship was over 5 years ago and that lasted for just 1 year, but it was also the last time he had sex. He didn’t care about that, he would rather wait for the right woman than inviting back random women to his bed. 

Part of that decision was caused by you. One evening the two of you lounged together on the couch with pizza boxes scattered over the table and beer in your hands talking about sex. You expressed a dislike of one night stands, calling them cheap and dirty. So he learned to share the same feelings as you. 

I'll make you happy, baby, just wait and see For every kiss, you give me I'll give you three

It was 5PM and you knew Bucky would be arriving soon to start your movie night. You’d already ordered the pizza and the beer was stacked in the refrigerator chilled. 

You had a little time to shower and throw on some comfortable clothes, just a loose T-shirt and some boy shorts. Clothes you wouldn’t normally wear around a man but you were so comfortable around Bucky he never seemed to mind, in fact, he actually loved it especially when you were braless but he would never tell you that.

“Hey doll, I’m home.” He joked as he walked into your apartment. Bucky shrugged off his jacket and dropped it on a hook by the door. 

“Hey, Bucks.” You greeted him with a small kiss on his stubbled cheek. You loved the way they pricked at your lips and just sometimes it was hard to get the image out of your head of his stubble burning you elsewhere. 

Your love for Bucky was just as strong. He was this gorgeous, kind, caring, considerate man with a heart of gold and there was nothing in the world Bucky wouldn’t do for anyone, whether they were a friend or a stranger. He couldn’t stand by and watch someone struggle like the old lady who lived across the hall from you. The two of you got back from furniture shopping and he saw the old lady struggle with her grocery bags, he very kindly offered to take the bags from her and carry them up the 5 flights of stairs. The landlord was to mean to move her downstairs, the older she became the less frequent she left her home. Bucky offered to do her shopping for her, whatever and whenever she needed things. 

“He’s such a sweetheart. You are a very lucky girl.” She commented to you one time as you passed her in the hall. You nodded in agreement but your heart sunk simply because you weren’t his girl.

Oh, since the day I saw you I have been waiting for you You know I will adore you 'til eternity

You turned away from Bucky and missed the blush that was creeping up his neck. He cleared his throat, putting his hands in his pocket as he walked towards your little kitchenette. 

“Pizza will be here soon.” You announced, grabbing two beers from the refrigerator. Bucky quietly thanked you and followed you to the couch. Scrolling through Netflix for a movie to watch.

You still couldn’t find something to watch after 30 minutes. Half of the pizza was eaten and you were on your second beer. 

“What about The Witcher?” Bucky suggested. You turned to look at him and blinked, he just shrugged in return. “I just heard it’s a good TV show. At least that’s what Steve told me…” He said with uncertainty in his voice. 

The evening was going quick and you just decided to put The Witcher on since you didn’t want to waste any more time. 

During the binge-watch, you didn’t feel Bucky scoot closer to you. Your shoulders and knees touched. His warmth made you blush and his aftershave danced on the inside of your nostrils, you wondered how a man could look sexy, smell gorgeous and still be a single man. 

Then it reminded you. “So are you dating anyone right now?” You asked, making a small conversation to build up your courage. 

Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed, wondering where you were going with this exactly. 

“Uh, no. Why?” 

It was now or never. “I have a date tomorrow.” You whispered, you knew how protective Bucky was of you and he would want to know every single detail down to the guy’s blood group before he made his mind up whether he was good enough for you or not. But something about Bucky’s features seemed different. His eyes seemed to light up on fire and his heart soared in his chest, he felt dizzy and he felt nauseous but worst of all, he felt jealous.

“Bucky?” You noticed his breathing had picked up and his fists were visibly clenched in his lap.

Your voice snaps him out of his dazed trance. The little daydream he had of ripping the lucky guy’s head off, Bucky would never stop you from going on dates and he regretted he didn’t say anything to you sooner. 

He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. “That’s great, doll. Happy for you. Uh, I just remembered, I gotta go.” Bucky stood before you could answer and watched helplessly as he threw his jacket on and walked out of the apartment, leaving you there confused and hurt, because not only did Bucky just lie to you about needing to go, he appeared to be in a rush to get away from you.

So won't you, please, be my, be my baby Be my little baby, my one and only baby

You weren’t as excited about the date this afternoon as you should have been. You spent the entire night sobbing into your pillow, sobs that turned into a wail with each text Bucky had read and ignored. 

Why was he so mad at you? And most importantly, why were you mad at yourself for agreeing to go on some lunch date with a guy in statistics when Bucky was the man you really wanted? Was it because you knew you never stood a chance against these gorgeous brunette women who threw themselves at him? 

You were getting ready at a snail pace. Your mind wandered back to last night and you wished you could take it all back. You wouldn’t have told him and he wouldn’t have known. 

You feared the worst now. He still didn’t answer any of the messages you sent him, but you saw him active just an hour ago on Instagram and he completely ignored your story which he normally would have opened and reacted to. 

You only knew he purposely ignored you because he commented on Steve’s and Wanda’s posts. 

Bucky hated himself, he really did. Jealousy consumed him and he spent the whole night tossing and turning. He hated the way he left things with you and he almost replied to your text, he did write one out but pressed the backspace a couple of times. He saw you were online on Instagram too, but he quickly got angry and assumed you were online to talk to this guy you were going on a date with. He saw you had a new story post up, he willed his fingers not to open it. He didn’t want to see it, he feared it was a kissing selfie with the lucky man.

Bucky was alone in his apartment, slouched on the couch as he watched something he clicked on Netflix. His hands were in his sweater pockets, his feet rested on top of one another. 

He was thinking about you, how you were a definition of a literal sweetheart. He thought about the way your gorgeous smile not only lit up the room but his heart too. He visibly cringed reminiscing about the lost opportune moments had to ask you out but didn’t. He was sure he was friend-zoned now and he only had himself to blame, for waiting too long and for not listening to Steve, who lacked experience with women, seemed to always know the right answers.

A shroud knock echoed throughout his apartment and he eyed the door suspiciously from the couch. He wasn’t expecting anyone and quickly dismissed it as a neighbor who needed their light bulb changed again. 

But the knocking got louder, whoever was behind the door was persistent. 

With a click of his tongue, he reluctantly stood up as his feet padded across the wood floors. He pulled the door open with a huff but froze in place, wide-eyed. 

There in front of him stood you. Mascara stained down your cheeks and Bucky instantly thought of the worse. Did the guy you were with hurt you? 

“Y/N? Are you alright-'' Bucky was interrupted with your lips on his. Your hands laced around the back of his neck to pull him closer to you. The taste of your lips was so sweet, he could taste your spearmint toothpaste. 

If it wasn’t for the need of air, you would have kept kissing him. But your lungs complained, reluctantly you pulled away and rested your forehead against his. Bucky’s brows were knitted together in confusion. He was sure this was some kind of sick dream. He walked backward, bringing you inside of his apartment.

“You’re the one I want, Buck. I don’t want to dance around it anymore.” Your breath fanned across his swollen plump lips as he shut the door with his foot and leaned you against it. 

“I want you too, doll. But you gotta explain, I don’t…”

“I ran into Steve on my way to the restaurant. He told me you liked me and that we were great for each other. Imagine my shock.” You chuckled nervously. “I’ve been in love with you for so long that I never once thought you could love me back. I just swallowed my feelings but I didn’t even want to go on that date.”

Bucky was more than sure he was dreaming. Maybe he fell asleep on the couch, sometimes his imagination ran away with him and he couldn’t tell the difference between dream-state and reality. He was very much aware of the fact that the mind can play some tricks. He was sure this is what was happening to him currently. None of this made sense to him.

“He’s wrong.” Bucky pulled away, putting his hands in his pockets and your heart dropped into your stomach. Of course, Steve lied. Why would someone as gorgeous as Bucky want someone ordinary like you? You stood Luke up at the restaurant only to be rejected. Bucky loved you as a friend, that must have been what Steve meant and if you didn’t ruin things last night, you definitely have now.

“Oh - Buck I’m sorry.” You sheepishly lowered your head and looked at your feet. 

“Why are you sorry?” He asked as he bounced on the balls of his feet. Something he did when he was nervous.

“I just embar-”

“No, no.” Bucky quickly interrupted you, knowing where you were headed with it. “You didn’t trust me. He’s wrong about me just liking you doll. I’m in love with you and I have been since we met. That’s why I haven’t dated anyone, haven’t slept with anyone. You’re the only one I want, doll. There’s no one else for me.” 

“You want me?” You smiled hopefully. 

A blush crept up his neck and cheeks as he grinned, showing those perfect white teeth. 

“Absolutely. More than I want tacos.” He joked and you chuckled, happy tears running down your stained cheeks. “I want you to be my baby girl, and I want to be your man.” He walked closer to you, caressing your cheeks with his thumb. 

“I want that too.” You broke the distance and leaned up on your tiptoes. Your lips locked together as you embraced each other.

So won't you, please, be my, be my baby Be my little baby, my one and only baby Say you'll be my darlin', be my, be my baby Be my baby now, my one and only baby

Bucky offered his shower for you to get cleaned up, you gladly accepted. Wiping your makeup off your face and using Bucky's shower gels and his delicious apple shampoo. You smelt like the feminine version of him and you loved it. 

You stepped out, drying your body with his fluffy towels and changed into the pair of grey sweats, rolling the waistband over a couple of times to create a snug fit and his favorite henley. He only trusted you with his beloved henley.

You stepped out of the steamy bathroom and plopped yourself down next to him. He smirked as he pulled you into his lap, nipping and kissing at your jaw. 

"Can't believe I'm allowed to do this now." His voice vibrated against your throat and you shivered. 

"Me neither. I'm so happy." You tilted your head back to give him better access. 

"Me too, doll. Listen, why don't we watch Netflix in bed and get more comfortable. I'll order takeout?" He suggested. You loved the sound of that idea and nodded your head enthusiastically. "Great!" He shouted, holding onto your waist as he hoisted you up and carried you to his bedroom. Candles were already lit around the place and the duvet cover was pulled back. He dropped you on the bed and you giggled when you bounced from the impact. Bucky had a mischievous glint in his eye as he crawled above you. His hands slipping under the shirt and caressing your breasts. A soft gasp left your lips, the encouragement he needed to continue. If this was a new idea for 'movie nights' you were absolutely on board. 

You never did get to see a movie that night. Bucky spent the entire night loving you just like he promised. This was it for the two of you, there was no going back now. 

[omgrachwrites]

Family - Charlie Weasley

Charlie Weasley x Reader

Summary: You never thought that you would belong in any family, that was until you realised that sometimes, you could choose your own family.

Warnings: fluff, angst

Words: 1470

Disclaimer: This gif doesn’t belong to me!

A/N: I am so not consistent with my length of chapters! There will only be a couple more parts of this, I hope you guys enjoy and please let me know what you think and let me know if you would like to be tagged.

< previous part                        next part >

Part Four

It had been a couple of months since you had had that awkward, disappointing conversation with Charlie Weasley in the Gryffindor changing room. Unfortunately, you remembered that conversation almost perfectly, he had invited you to Hogsmeade and you thought that he was asking you out. He wasn’t. Things had been okay between you – if awkward could be defined as ‘okay’ – though Charlie had been acting weird lately.

Over the past couple of months, you had been hanging out with him and his group of friends who welcomed you with open arms despite who you were you imagined that Charlie had told them all to be nice. Among this group of friends you discovered that you had a cousin, Nymphadora Tonks, a spunky Hufflepuff who preferred to go by her surname and she spent most of her time in detention.

For all of your life, you had thought that your mother only had one sister; she had never told you about Tonks’ mum, Andromeda who had apparently disgraced the family just because she married a Muggle. There was one downside to hanging out with Charlie, however, what had started out as a small crush had evolved into a huge one.

You winced as you took a sip of the extra sweet Butterbeer that Tonks had just placed in front of you, “don’t you like it?” Tonks pouted and you giggled.

“It’s just a bit too sweet for me. So, where’s Charlie? It’s not like him to miss out on both Zonkos and Honeydukes.”

Tonks grinned and ran a hand through her pastel blue hair that was the third hair colour she’d had that morning, “he’s getting things organised for the party tonight.”

You frowned at your cousin; you hadn’t heard anything about a party, “what party?”

Tonks’ eyes widened slightly, “I’m sorry, I thought you knew, every year since 5th year Charlie throws a party in the Room of Requirement so that people from other houses can attend,” there was a brief silence, “I thought that he invited you.”

“No,” you whispered, feeling a pang in your chest, you thought that it was sweet of Charlie to throw a party where everybody could attend but it hurt that he hadn’t seen fit to invite you. You weren’t sure whether he had feelings for you but above all, you thought that you were friends.

“Well, I’m inviting you, it’s gonna be rubbish if you’re not there,” Tonks said softly as she reached across the table and took your hand. You grinned at her gratefully; she was definitely your favourite.

About ten minutes later, Charlie came walking in, ruffling his hair, cherry blossom petals falling from it as he did so. You forced out a weak smile as he threw himself down at the table. Instead of being a mature adult about this predicament you looked at the handsome boy, “what time is the party tonight Charlie?”

At your question, he glared over at Tonks who immediately ducked her head with a sly smile, “it starts at 7pm but really Y/N, I don’t think it will be your scene.”

“Don’t be silly,” you scoffed, narrowing your eyes, “I’ll be there,” you weren’t sad anymore, you were just pissed off. You had no idea why he was acting like this.

At about ten to seven, you paced in front of the Room of Requirement a couple of times with your eyes shut tight, opening them when you heard a pop, you smiled as you walked through the door. Tonks immediately greeted you with a hug, causing you to giggle as you were knocked slightly off balance.

“You look so beautiful, Y/N,” Tonks grinned as she slid her fingers through the ends of your soft hair.

“Thank you so much, you look great too!” you gestured at her punk rock shirt and held out the cake tin, “I made a cake, I modified an old family recipe, it’s not as bitter,” you laughed.

Tonks’ eyes lit up with delight as she took the cake from you, “I’ll go and find the host, thank you so much for making it Y/N, you didn’t have to.”

“No wait,” you quickly stopped her before she could find Charlie, “it’s um actually for you, after all it was you who invited me here in the first place,” you stammered and Tonks gave you a dimpled smile.

You had to hand it to Charlie – you had managed to avoid him, it was hard because he just looked so good – he knew how to throw a party. There were so many people that you’d never spoken to before and it was so interesting to talk to them. Mostly, you had ended up talking to an adorable Gryffindor named Ben Copper who was a scaredy cat at first but he evolved into a chatter box when he realised that you weren’t going to bully him.

A couple of hours into the party, Tonks suggested a game of truth or dare, “okay,” Tonks hummed and looked at Charlie, “truth or dare dragon-boy?”

Charlie scoffed, leaning back on one hand, “dare, obviously.”

Tonks’ face lit up with a cheeky smirk and she glanced over at you before looking back at Charlie, you narrowed your eyes, wondering what she was up to, “I dare you to kiss, Y/N.”

You glared at Tonks as your whole body went warm and you glanced nervously over at Charlie. He was already gazing at you with those gorgeous moss green eyes of his; he licked his bottom lip and leaned closer to you with an unreadable expression on his face as he cupped your jaw. He got so close to you that you could smell his musky aftershave and you saw that he had some brown in his eyes.

Charlie hesitated and you gulped as you stared at his lips, you just wanted him to kiss you. It wasn’t just because you had a crush on him, it was because of the silence that fell over the party, you didn’t want it to get awkward.

He finally sighed and pulled away from you, “I can’t, I’m sorry,” your eyes filled up with tears and you could feel everyone’s eyes on you.

Tonks spoke up to quell the awkward silence, “you know the penalty for a failed dare, Weasley,” she shook her head and poured him a shot of Firewhisky. Charlie proceeded to take it, pulling a face at the strong hot taste, “Y/N, have some cauldron cakes,” your cousin smiled at you as she offered you the plate.

You shook your head quickly, “excuse me, I seem to have lost my appetite,” you mumbled, almost running out of the party.

“Y/N, wait!” Charlie called out, at the sound of his voice you walked quicker, tears falling from your eyes, “please, slow down!” he panted.

You spun around and fixed him in place with a furious stare, causing the tall boy to falter, “look, you don’t have feelings for me. I get it,” you had to accept it no matter how much it hurt, “but how awful must you find me? It’s a stupid game, was it really that hard to just pucker up and kiss me?”

Charlie’s eyes darkened as he strode towards you and kissed you. His lips were so warm and soft that you longed to kiss him back but you were still angry at him, “what the hell Charlie?!” you yelled and pushed him away.

“Uh-oh, you only call me Charlie when you’re really angry with me,” he chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck and sighing when you gave him the dirtiest look you could muster, you weren’t letting him off without an explanation, “I like you okay!” he said and although your heart was relieved you were still angry, “you’re just so beautiful and kind, and smart.”

You blushed at his words, your hard eyes softening as you cupped his cheek, “why is it such a bad thing that you like me?”

Charlie groaned, chewing on his bottom lip as he looked deep into your eyes, “because I feel selfish. What if you regret it? Because of your family.”

You giggled, you had to admit, you understood where he was coming from, he looked offended as you laughed at him, “and what if I don’t regret it Charlie? Nobody can know the future, not really. I like you too,” you smiled and kissed him softly, sighing when you felt him melt into your kiss, “you’re an idiot Weasley.”

“I know,” he chuckled, kissing you again.

The both of you went back to the party after about half an hour and you were greeted warmly by everybody. This was your true family, a family where nobody was judged by their sexual orientation, gender identity or blood status. You belonged here and you always would.

------------------------------------

@meteora-fc​

[eclecticstarlightconnoisseur]

EDINBURGH TO BOSTON - CHAPTER 15 - AN EXAMINATION OF CONSCIENCE

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Good evening all! As promised here is Chapter 15 of Edinburgh to Boston. This picks up right after Chapter 14. Our lovebirds grappling with the argument they had. As the title implies there is a lot of soul searching going to happen. 

At the end, I will include some interesting information. At least, I think it’s interesting. I do need to thank my betas for their magnificent and tireless help, suggestions, and comments. Thank you @curlsgetdemgurls and @scubalass. You guys keep me on my toes and push me to do my best. Honestly, a lot of work on the part of @scubaless went into this and unjumbled the mess I made at times. How do I thank @curlsgetdemgurls who always tells me I can do this and supports my desire to write.  I am truly blessed to have you both. I honestly don’t know how I would do this without you. 🧡🧡🧡🧡 

As always I welcome any thoughts suggestions, comments you would like to share with me.I hope you enjoy reading. Without further ado I give you:

Edinburgh To Boston

 Chapter 15

An Examination of Conscience

                                                                ***********

 Click! 

Claire stood mutely watching as the door closed with a muffled and insubstantial sound.  Biting her upper lip, she watched the handle for any sign of movement. She fully expected it would reopen momentarily and Jamie would walk through. Nothing happened. With the bolt slipping into place, it created a barrier as strong as any prison wall between her and the man she loved.

 She didn’t know what to do. Should she go after him or call him? At the edge of her vision, she caught a glimpse of his phone resting on the bedside table along with his wallet and money. “Idiot bloody man,” she huffed. She had no choice other than to wait. Maybe it would turn out for the best allowing him time to sort through his thoughts. Perhaps they both needed a little time away from each other to calm down and become more rational. 

What a bloody mess this turned out to be. If Claire was honest with herself, she never expected that it would come to this, that he would leave. She fully believed that they would have a loud and impassioned fight concluding with...what? Forgiveness? Compromise? Possibly the dissolution of their tender three-day-old relationship? At this point, she didn’t know what to think.

Needing a distraction, Claire began to set the room right. Taking a large bath sheet, she wiped up the spilled whisky and the broken crystal discarding everything into a wastebasket. Jamie’s still sodden jeans rested on the floor where he had discarded them earlier anxious to crawl into the warm bed and into a still warmer Claire. “Ye ken the fastest way to warm up is with body heat,” he murmured erotically against her ear. She did know and had shivered in anticipation of his intention. 

Her jeans and jumper left a trail from the door to the bed. The lacey black bra that he removed, lay on the floor. Her skimpy panties drooped from one of the four posts of the bed, like a flag hanging limply in a windless sky. 

She felt like a live wire skittering across the ground shooting off sparks. Remaining on edge and unable to concentrate, she padded around the room picking things up and putting them down. Every little noise or echo of a footfall in the hallway drew her attention. “He’ll be back, won’t he?” she said to herself.  

Scanning the room she saw reminders of him wherever she looked. His shaving kit, suit, shoes, jeans, jumper, cologne. She ran her hand over his things aching with the need to connect to him. His touch, his scent, his look. The room felt empty. Not because of the lack of his physicality in the space, but from his essence. Jamie filled a space with his being. Claire suddenly felt lonely. She missed him already - terribly.

Exhaling a huge sigh, she walked over to the window, peering down at the street. She had a very strange sensation that Jamie just might be standing down there next to a lamppost looking up at the window. From her perch high above the street, she had a commanding view of the area around the hotel. The street was devoid of people.  Not even a taxi cruised around looking for passengers. Even though Claire knew that it a foolish thought, she couldn’t help feeling disappointed she didn’t see him standing there. She rubbed the glabella, the tender skin between her eyebrows, in an effort to thwart a beginning headache.

Relationships are complicated things, she considered. For Claire, relationships were hard for her because she has trust issues. A gift courtesy of one Frank Randall.  She gave him her heart, love, and trust only to have him toss everything carelessly away like a worn-out, useless,  old shoe. She was hurt, betrayed, and doubtful to ever trust another man again.  And then Jamie Fraser walks into her life. After working with him for over a year, she knew him as a kind, thoughtful, gentle, considerate, loving man. 

In spite of their close working relationship, Claire continued to hold back her feelings, her trust. She knew Jamie to be a good man and it wasn’t that she didn’t trust him because she did. Well, professionally she trusted him implicitly. Personally, she did but... Maybe it’s because she feared how he would judge her if he knew the whole truth. Whatever the case, she thought he deserved someone better than her. She didn’t blame him for leaving after the way she treated him. Truth be told, she all but forced him out after insinuating that he was to blame for what happened. 

Claire knew that Frank had been watching them. He admitted it to her. ‘I’ve been watching you with him all night. What the fuck do you see in that Neanderthal?’ She also knew that Frank observing her with Jamie fanned the flames of his jealousy.  He always had been a jealous and possessive man. Come to think of it, Claire refected, this is just like the time he almost thrashed poor Albert, the young assistant professor that had the misfortune of spending time with and talking with her. 

Albert took pleasure at her admiring his wit.  Frank watched from the sidelines following her every move, smile, or laugh. He watched and drank, drank and watched until sufficiently drunk enough to physically menace the younger faculty member. Dragging her out of the party, he called her every vile name he could think of slut, whore, tramp bringing tears to her eyes. “You're mine, Claire. I don’t share well. You are my wife and you had better act like it. Don’t do it again,” he threatened. “Or so help me, I’ll…” He raised his hand to strike her. “Or you’ll do what Frank, beat me?” she called his bluff and succeeded. He dropped his hand grabbed her and pulled her to their car.

She exhaled deeply and walked away from the window. Claire knew that neither she nor Jamie could have changed what happened in the restaurant. Frank, hellbent on creating trouble, would have followed them determined to create mayhem.

She knew deep in her heart she wronged Jamie. Letting her anger get the better of her, she created a wedge between them. She knew she needed to admit her mistakes and tell the truth about her life with Frank. He needed to understand. No more secrets. No more lies.

Claire yawned and stretched feeling overwhelming fatigue settle over her. She hadn’t slept much since they arrived in Boston. It became an emotional roller coaster fueled from jetlag, too much alcohol, the newfound intimacy with Jamie and the disaster in the restaurant. No wonder she felt exhausted. She decided to rest while waiting for Jamie to return. Spying one of the tee shirts he had recently worn, she walked over picked it up and inhaled deeply. It smelled of him. Heady, musky, woodsy with a slight undertone of citrus from his aftershave. Claire pulled off her sleep shirt and put his on. It was too big, baggy, and shapeless on her small frame. Running her hands over the fabric, she felt the softness of it from frequent use. She climbed into the bed, breathing in his scent. She pretended that instead of his shirt wrapped around her, she lay enveloped in his arms and protected by his body. I’ll make it right. I must. Slowly she drifted off to sleep.

                                        **********************************

Ding!

The elevator door slid open with a soft whoosh permitting Jamie Fraser to step in. Entering the lift, he leaned against the glass wall dropping his head back to rest against the cool slick surface. He needed to get away, clear his mind, try to figure things out. 

An enigma. A puzzle. A mystery. How else to describe Claire? Damn the woman. He only wanted to offer her comfort, tenderness. Instead, she turned away from him. She says one thing I love you and only you and then she rejects him. Why would she do that? Frustrating. Infuriating. Confusing. 

He sought oblivion. Tonight was a double-edged sword. On one hand, he wanted to understand what was happening with his Sassenach. Then, again, he wanted to forget and to reduce the memory of this evening to ashes. Raising the bottle of whisky to his lips, he drank deep. The spirit slipped across his tongue cascading down his throat followed by its familiar burn. 

The door slid open allowing Jamie to exit into the main lobby. He strode past the reception desk. 

“Dr. Fraser, can I be of assistance?” The pretty receptionist inquired.

“Thank ye kindly lass, but no.” His face appeared slightly flushed.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to call a car for you. It’s quite cold out. Definitely not a night to be on foot.” 

“I’m a Highlander, born and bred. I’m used to the cold, ye ken?” With that, he exited through the hotel’s sliding doors into the fridge embrace of a Bostonian winter. Jamie searched the pockets of his jacket for his cap and gloves finding neither. He also discovered he neglected to bring his wallet, money, or phone. “I’ll do,” he muttered to himself. Mercifully, his jacket had a hood which he pulled up over his head while cramming his hands, carefully, into his pockets. His bottle of whisky tucked into a pocket inside his jacket.

Lacking familiarity with Boston, he wondered where he should go, though it really didn’t matter. He was not out to sightsee but out to clear his head. 

Taking another long drink from the bottle, he turned to his left and began to walk, then jog, eventually running without direction. He slipped and slid on the black ice, tumbling into a snowbank laughing at his own foolishness. He was drunk, very drunk, he thought as he took another big gulp of the whisky. His Da always said, “Yer never drunk if ye can still stand up.” And he was still standing, albeit with the assistance of the snowbank, but standing he was. 

Jamie found himself back at Boston Commons where he spent the day with Claire. He walked slowly through the whispering white silence of the park looking at the places where they had gone. The park had an ethereal feel to it.  Streetlamps cast shadows across the park’s snow-encrusted expanse giving shape and form to the spectors hiding in the gloom. Evergreen trees, tall, imposing, majestic released their sharp piney tang around him. Deciduous trees with branches bare, naked without their leaves, covered with smatterings of snow or encased in ice. The wind howled through the trees causing clumps of snow to drop around him. At night, the park became a desolate place reflecting the wretchedness of his soul.

He came across the spot where they met the sparrow family. Collapsing onto the cold bench, he found himself surrounded by the memories of the day. 

“The lass has ye twisted around her wee finger, ye ken? Ye even speak to birds if it makes her happy. She’s even gotten you to believe that they have the souls of her dead family,” he snorted. He sat there shaking his head. “What wouldn’t ye do for her? Nuthin’. Then why is this so hard? If she doesna want to have the scoundrel arrested, then let her have it. She has her reason, Fraser. Ye trust her word, do ye no’? Aye, I do. Then leave her be. She’ll tell ye why when she’s ready or when she can.”

“Remember lad, she’s been hurt.” Harry had said. “Be gentle wi’ her.”

“Aye, ‘tis all true, but why did she no’ discuss this agreement she made with me first? I mean we’re supposed to be partners.” His fingers tapped out a rhythmic tattoo against his thigh as he sat in contemplation. “Ye ken the reason, ye eejit. Ye would have said no. She did this for ye, tae protect ye. Tae sacrifice herself for ye. No’ because she loves the man. She loves ye enough tae do such a thing.”

Jamie knew all this within his innermost heart, but he still wanted justice for her. He did not want to be the one causing her to lose that chance.

“Besides,” he told himself, “ye heard her, she blames me for what happened. For failing tae protect her, for leaving her for,” he choked, “no’ being the man she needs.” Abruptly he realized that he also broke his promise to the bird family. 

‘I promise tae see her safe, care for her and love her all the days of my life,’ he vowed to the birds. Jamie slammed his hand down on the bench. “Ifrinn! Fraser, ye are useless, and no’ a man of honor. Ye couldna even keep yer word tae a cluster of sparrows now could ye? If ye canna do something as simple as that, how could ye keep yer word tae Claire? Ye dinna deserve her.” He took another drink, the bottle very nearly empty.

He saw the bird tree just a short distance from where he sat. Feeling the need to apologize, Jamie staggered toward the tree calling out loudly, “If ye can hear me wee birds, I am sorry, sae sorry. I let her down and ye as weel. I’m no’ a man.” He hung his head in shame but quickly his anger rose to the surface.

 He unleashed his fury against the tree hitting it hard reinjuring his right hand causing it to become scraped and bleeding. The pain from the single blow shot white-hot up his arm into his oxter. He collapsed into a mound of still soft snow at the base of the conifer. He let loose a torrent of Gàidhlig curses and self-deprecating rants. Hanging his head between his knees, Jamie took a deep breath trying to stem the waves of pain, nausea, and dizziness gripping him. No good. Heaving and retching, his stomach turned itself out of whisky and bile. He felt numb, tired and decidedly less drunk than before. 

“What a waste of that verra fine whisky,” he ironically thought as he wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. 

It was cold, colder than before. “Weel, yer sitting in the snow, yer no’ dressed for the weather, and yer just vomited up all yer antifreeze, what do ye expect?” 

The problem, he considered, came down to where to go. He could go back to the hotel but he did not want to see Claire, just yet. He didn’t have his wallet with his credit card nor did he have any money. As he saw it, he needed to keep moving to stay warm. He stood up with great difficulty. Choosing a random direction, he began to walk. Jamie began to feel better walking. After walking about five blocks he came upon a Church with a brightly lit sign outside.

Cold? Tired? Hungry? Or just need a place for the night? The Lord Loves You. All are welcome!

He looked up and saw a statue of Blessed Michael the Archangel standing guard over the entrance.

“Blessed Michael of the Red Domain defend us,” he thought and knew he had found a safe refuge for the remainder of the night. 

Brother Stanislaus Kostka possessed an imposing figure. In his previous life, he was a former naval corpsman serving with a marine unit.  He had blonde wavy hair, kind green eyes, and maintained a muscular physique hidden by his simple religious habit. He wore a brown habit with a hood, a cord wound around his waist and sandals. The cincture tied around his waist had the characteristic three knots symbolizing poverty, chastity, and obedience. A black rosary hung from the cingulum completing his attire. 

Jamie stood quietly in the back of the shelter, observing the clergyman caring for his flock. The friar had a gentleness and compassionate way that emanated from him.  A woman had approached him with a problem, to which he devoted his full attention. After considering and weighing the possible alternatives he smiled and presented his proposal. The woman grinned nodded in acceptance, then moved away.

Looking up he spotted Jamie standing in the doorway waiting to be acknowledged.  

Brother Stan turned his attention to Jamie. “How can I help you tonight, my friend?” His smile could warm a person through and through.

“Beggin’ yer pardon, Father, but I need a place to stay for the night,” Jamie apologized.

“It’s Brother, Mr…?”

“Fraser, but ye can call me Jamie.”

“Welcome, Jamie. It seems you had a difficult night so far. You know there is always room at the Lord’s table for one more.” Looking at Jamie he took in his appearance and observed his battered and bruised hand. 

“So Mr. Fraser, er Jamie, come with me and let’s get a look at that hand?” He turned away not waiting for an answer. Jamie followed and they walk into a small room both office and treatment room.

“May I ask how you injured your hand?” asked the Brother as he set up what he needed to care for Jamie’s hand.

Jamie looked abashed. “I, ah, had an argument with (what do I call her?) Claire the woman I love. And I got drunk. I needed time to think things over. So, I jogged to the park and my anger got the best of me, and I took it out on a tree.”

Brother Stan went about the task of caring for the wounds removing any splinters that he found.

Jamie hissed as the open areas were cleaned and dressed. “I have two hairline fractures of my right third and fourth fingers. I, um, somehow lost the splints that were there. Could ye make something temporary to put there?”

“How did you acquire the fractures?”

“‘I was in a fight last night defending a friend’s honor. I ken how it sounds like I’m some kinda drunken brawler, but ‘tis no’ true.”

“And would this friend be, Claire?”

“Aye, ‘twas.” 

By this time, Brother Stan had cleaned and dressed the wounds. “I see,” he nodded solemnly.

Giving Jamie a direct look, Brother Stan inquired, “You are troubled. How can I help you?”

He considered this offer to help. “Ye can let me into yer chapel to pray and ask the Lord’s guidance.”

“Usually, we don’t allow people in the chapel alone at night.”

Jamie leaned back in his chair adopting his storyteller pose. “Let me tell ye a story. ‘Tis a tradition in the Fraser clan that parents make a rosary for each child for their First Communion. My Da carved each of the beads and the crucifix. My Mam strung the beads together thinking on the Glorious Mysteries.  As she placed each bead, she said a Hail Mary, Our Father, or the Glory Be in the appropriate place. They had it blessed by a priest and it was gifted to me on the morning of my First Communion. I put it away after and dinna think much on it again until they died. Then it became the most precious thing I owned. I would ride out on my horse and go tae the old deserted churches in the Highlands and there I would pray. I would pray my rosary, the one they gave me, and it gave me comfort as I believed they were near me. Now, I’m asking ye to grant me another chance for comfort, tae talk tae the Lord so I ken what tae do. I dinna have my rosary with me, but I’ll do. Can ye help me?” Jamie placed his left hand over Brother Stan’s appealing for understanding.

Emerald green met sapphire blue seeking the truth and asking for help.

Brother Stan’s hand went to the cord around his waist and removed his rosary. “Tonight you can use mine.”

They rose and silently walked through the slumbering mass of people. Homeless men, women with children, battered women, runaways, lost souls, those down on their luck. Jamie looked around committing this sight to memory.

As they ascended the stairs to the chapel, the scent of beeswax and incense hung heavy in the air. On the right of the main altar was a shrine to the Holy Family while on the left was a shrine dedicated to St. Michael. The red sanctuary lamp was lit hanging near the main altar announcing the presence of the Lord.

In accordance with the custom of the Roman Rite, both Jamie and Brother Stan dipped their fingers into the holy water font and crossed themselves in the Sign of the Cross. Brother Stan gripped Jamie’s shoulder before leaving, “May your heart find comfort and your soul know peace. The Lord be with you. If you have need of me, you know where I will be.”

“Thank ye for everything,” Jamie replied choking with emotion.

Brother Stan nodded and left.

Jamie walked to the center aisle, genuflected, got down on his knees, then lay prostrate before his God in humility, respect, and penance.

“Lord God, please let me understand her. 

Let me shelter her from all danger, pain, and sorrow.

Let me be her sanctuary, her safe port in a storm.

Let me keep her safe; her protector from what seeks tae harm  her.

Let me help her tae find peace, happiness, joy, and love. 

Let me be her home the place where her heart resides.

Let me love her rightly.

God, oh God, please let me be enough.”

And he wept.

                                        ****************************

Claire woke up looking at the time on the bedside clock. Ill-temperedly it announced 3:38 AM. Shit, she only meant to take a brief nap not fall asleep. Rubbing her eyes ridding them of residual sleep, she scanned the room looking for...

“Jamie?” There was no answer. The opposite side of the bed was cold and not been slept in. There was no sign of him.

Claire began to panic, her heart racing, fingers cold and sweaty. What if something happened to him? What if he had fallen and gotten hurt? He could be lost. Maybe he was hit by a car? Her imagination ran wild imagining different catastrophes that could have befallen him.

Deciding not to let panic consume her, she thought maybe he fell asleep in the lobby not wanting to wake her up. Calling down to the front desk, she discovered he had left about three hours ago. According to the receptionist Jamie did not say where he was going. The young woman did notice that he turned to his left when he exited the building.

Foolish man, where could he have gone to? Guilt engulfed her. She should have gone after him when he left. She should have never left him alone. She would never forgive herself if something happened to him.

Claire decided to look for him and dressed quickly.  Where he could have gone, she had no idea.  But she was damned if she was going to sit here to wait and worry. She grabbed his warm coat, gloves, scarf, hat, and his wallet. Claire thought having his wallet could prove useful as it would serve as a means of identification. Although, a very tall red-headed man would be easy to spot.

Claire turned left following Jamie’s assumed route, hoping luck would be on her side. 

Walking the empty streets, she began to wonder where he could have gone. She trudged along for several blocks before noticing that this is the way to Boston Commons. Of course. That’s where he would go. The open spaces would be a balm to his soul. She hurried quickly over the icy walkways. 

She reached Boston Commons and followed the path they had taken. There was no sign of him. She passed by a tree and found an almost empty bottle of whisky that she recognized from the hotel along with a fair amount of vomit. So! He had been here. She looked around and did not see him. “Jamie, where are you? Jamie!” But there was no answer.

Claire continued walking, looking for any sign as to where he could have gone. She followed the path out of the park and walked straight for several blocks until coming across a welcome sign posted by a church. The sign welcomed anyone in need of a place to stay. She wondered if he would have gone in until she looked up and saw the imposing statue of Blessed Michael the Archangel and knew. Michael was important to the Scots. They often petitioned him for assistance in a time of need.

“No harm in asking,” she considered. Descending down the stairs, Claire entered the shelter and observed Brother Stan at work talking, comforting, praying.  Looking around she did not see any red curls anywhere. Just as she was about to leave, Brother Stan approached her.

“May I help you?” he asked a gentle smile across his lips.

“Well, maybe. I am looking for a tall red-headed Scotsman that…”

“Are you Claire, by chance?”

 She gaped at him. “How did you know? Jamie, is he here? Where is he? Is he alright?” Claire babbled. She frantically scanned the room again. How hard could it be to find him here?

“He is here and safe. Though he re-injured his broken hand, I’m afraid. I had to pull several splinters out of his hand. He had a run-in with a tree, it seems,” he said with a little smirk.

“Take me to him, please,” she pleaded. He was hurt and she hadn't been there to care for him. She felt uneasy until she could see him with her own eyes.

“He is upstairs in the chapel, praying. Come I will take you.”

“Praying?”

“Yes, he said it would bring him comfort and peace.”

They walked up the same stairs and repeated the same blessing. “Go to him. Be with him. He needs you.”

“Thank you Father for everything.”

“You’re welcome my dear. Oh and it is Brother, not Father. The Lords’ peace be with you both.”

Brother Stan left silently as he did before.

Claire put Jamie’s things down in a pew, and soundlessly approached the man she loves.

Kneeling down beside him, she hesitated wanting so much to touch him. Wanting to stroke his soft curls to give him comfort. To reassure herself he was real. But she felt afraid to startle him out of his deep meditations.

Instead, she whispered softly, “Jamie, it’s me, Claire.”

                                        ***********************

Interesting things:

St. Stanislaus Kostka is the patron saint of broken bones. So I named the Brother after him. 

In the mood board, the picture of the church in the left upper corner is a church devoted to  St. Stanislaus Kostka. It is located in Brooklyn.

The Marine Corps is part of the Naval services and do not have their own medics. So that’s why Brother Stan served as a naval corpsman.

You all noticed I didn’t say anything about Chapter 16 and I’m not going to either.

[metamoromemes]

Headcanon for when they finally solve their living arrangements (long distance sucks...), pretty please? Like, with Fabri's kids I'm assuming Ermal would move to Rome? And I'm wondering whether that would happen over time, with Ermal always leaving something of his behind after a visit. Or do they sit down and talk about it? Or maybe Ermal does something ridiculously sweet and loving (for the kids maybe), and Fabri just blurts out "come live with us, and never leave again"?

All three scenarios you gave are really cute and believable, though i personally think it’s more likely for it to happen over time :)

The first time he comes over ermal brings everything he needs and makes sure that he leaves nothing behind because he doesn’t want to trouble fabrizio with the cleaning up

What he doesn’t know is his smell on fabri’s sheets is enough to make the poor guy have problems with… cleaning up

The second time he stays for a bit longer, it’s a short weekend gap they both have during their tour so they’re set to make the best out of what they have together

Ermal brings a few changes of clothes, his toiletries, even a pair of house slippers because he cannot actually fit into fabri’s

They go on a date and takes a couple of polaroid photos, two of which fabri decides to paste on the fridge and in the tiving room

So that’s the first thing of ermal that is left in the mobrici house: a photo of fabri kissing ermal on the cheek in front of a beautiful fountain and a photo of ermal laughing at fabri trying to snap the polaroid while they’re sitting at the park (the photo’s shaky as hell but ermal says it adds to the aesthetic)

Ermal wakes up on monday morning already late to a tv interview because fabri’s embrace is too comfortable so he forgets to grab his aftershave and toothbrush from the toilet

Fabri, the good boyfriend he is, calls ermal to make sure that he’s okay with leaving the things behind, to which ermal’s like “yea it’s alright, you can even use the cream if you miss my smell, i won’t mind!”

Fabrizio does use it one day even though he doesn’t shave and ohhh it does smell like ermal

After that incident ermal begins to leave even more things at fabri’s house because it’s just more convenient and he can travel lighter that way

Two pair of shoes (one is suede boots which fabri feels like throwing into the sea), his leopard-print pajamas, a couple of casual t-shirts, his scarves (which is very much needed on days when they haven’t seen each other in a while…), Rayban sunglasses

And then there are things that ermal buys for the house and the kids too, like the doll house for anita, the story books for libero, matching his&his (&hisprince&hisprincess) mugs, more photo frames with ermal inside

One day fabrizio comes home from a long day to an empty house, feeling a little lonely knowing that the next closest date ermal can come over is next next Saturday

When he sits in the living room alone, eating reheated pasta, he starts to notice things around his house that he hasn’t before

Like how there are now more photos of them with ermal than without, how the cushion covers are in ermal’s favourite shade of red, how the decorations are ermal-inspired (which means they’re flashy and grandiose and very very sparkly)

He feels his heart beat faster at the realisation, wondering how much more of ermal has been left in his home?

So he gets up and walks to the bedroom, all along passing by other things like anita’s drawings of the four of them on the wall, the vase of lilies on the table because ermal loves them, ermal’s hilarious wolf slippers in front of their bedroom (wait, their? It’s no longer fabrizio’s now, huh, it’s their bedroom)

He enters the room and sees the unmade sheets, remembering ermal’s sleepy face greeting him good morning just yesterday, and he sees ermal’s watch on the nightstand, his bathrobe & clothes in the laundry bag

Fabrizio opens the closet and there it is, half of the space is occupied by ermal’s outfits, which at this point he has borrowed too many times to even bother to ask

And the bathroom too is filled with things that remind him of ermal, of the mornings they share together, heck even that freaking aftershave is still there on the shelf

Fabrizio is suddenly overcome with strong emotions for ermal: adoration, desire, longing, love

But perhaps the thing that shakes fabrizio the most is seeing ermal’s favourite guitar, the one he uses to write songs and can never part with, sitting on the bedroom floor right next to his own, like it’s always meant to be

And that’s when fabri knows, that this is where ermal belongs

Here, in his home, together with him

He doesn’t want to have to say goodbye and wait for the day they can meet again, he wants to come home to ermal’s embrace, kisses and sweet nothings

But does ermal want the same? There’s only one way to find out

Fabrizio calls and waits, and the instant ermal picks up, he speaks his mind before he can change it

“Ermal, will you come and live with me?”

Ermal is stunned by the unexpected offer, remaining silent for a while, but before fabri can panic that he made a mistake, ermal answers with a joyful laugh

(“It’s about time you asked, bizio. I’ve noticed that my house is becoming emptier every time i spend the night at yours. Your house is a black hole, you know?” “so are you saying yes?” “of course, and for your information my tenancy starts effective tonight because i don’t think i can spend another day not kissing you after what you just said”)

[eternalstereksecretsanta]

You Can Keep Pushing (I'll Keep Pulling You Back)

@uzercalo | AO3 |  Honestly, I battled with writers block for this one, I’ve had a tough few months with this and the ideas were just simmering in my head for too long, but I finally finished and I’m definitely debating adding more after the holidays when I have more time. Merry Christmas love!

In which Kate failed, the sheriff is awesome, Derek loves his family even when they annoy him, and Stiles is unofficially adopted because he’s awesome. Derek has too many feelings and he’s scared of them, but maybe Stiles can knock some sense into him before long.

Derek felt the blanket being placed over his shoulders, but couldn’t find the energy to move. He could hear his mother’s voice, but it was muffled as if he were underwater. He caught little snippets, little words. Charges. Arson. Prison. He felt someone sit down beside him, recognized the scent of his dad’s aftershave, and wiggled closer to him. He buried his face in his dad’s neck in a way he hadn’t done since he was much smaller. …………… “Talia, there’s something you’re not telling me.”

“I’m telling you that it’s nothing you need to worry about.”

“Someone just tried to kill your whole family, spitting and yelling about how you’re monsters. I think it’s something I need to worry about.”

“She’s obviously insane.” 

“You ran back into the house to save Cora’s art project and came out without a scratch.”

“Just lucky I guess.”

“Bullshit.” Talia froze. John was usually mild mannered, ever the diplomat of the town ensuring everyone was happy and healthy as much as he could. She’d never even heard the man curse before now.

“You know, I’m not quite so blind as I pretend. I’ve noticed that there’s something different about your family.”

“And what do you plan to do about it?” she asked, her voice cool. 

“I plan to find out what’s going on. Someone just launched an attack on you. I see that as an attack to the town and it’s my job to keep the town safe. So either you talk to me and tell me what’s going on, or I’m going to figure it out for myself.” She considered that. He had a point. He’d already proven his trustworthiness to the people of Beacon Hills over and over, and he didn’t have a malicious bone in his body. It would be good to have someone in the department who knew what was going on. He was a good man; his heart was steady. 

“Werewolves.” Quick and painless had always been her preferred course of action. 

“What?”

“We’re werewolves,” she said, “not all of us, obviously.”

“Oh, obviously.”

“I’m serious, John. I’m trusting you with our family secret. That’s why Argent tried to kill us. She’s a hunter.”

“A hunter.”

“Except hunters are supposed to follow a code. They’re supposed to only hunt those who hunt others.”

“I think I’m going to need a very strong drink for this. And I think you’re going to have to start at the beginning and tell me everything.”

“I happen to have time.”

……………

Derek’s dad had to leave. Derek’s little siblings had to go to bed and they needed a hotel room for the night. His mom was still here though, so he couldn’t leave. A much smaller body that didn’t smell like wolf sat down next to him. 

“What do you think they’re talking about?” Derek didn’t move.

“He only closes the door when it’s really bad,” the boy continued, his voice equal parts awed and cautious.

“Why aren’t you going with the rest of your family?” Derek wished he’d shut up. “You’re not much of a talker, are you?” No, he wasn’t. 

“That’s okay. I can talk enough for the both of us.” Damn it. The kid launched into a rambling description about how maple syrup was made and how cats were domesticated and a million other things that Derek wasn’t listening to. He talked fast too, so Derek had a hard time keeping up with one topic and then he was leaping to another. It was kind of soothing though, not having to respond. The boy moved closer, probably without realizing it. He was human, and seemed to be a little on the too thin side of a growth spurt. He was warm though, feeling small and fragile to Derek. 

Derek barely noticed when silence fell on them. He wasn’t sure how long it had been quiet, but he couldn’t help wondering if the kid had run out of things to say. He looked over and found him to be asleep. His cheek was resting on Derek’s shoulder, his lips parted ever so slightly. He looked away again when he heard the sheriff’s door open, watching as his mother and the sheriff stepped out. Talia brushed her fingers through his hair comfortingly while the sheriff sighed and gave the kid a fond look. 

“Sorry my son fell asleep on you,” he said, giving Derek a little grin. “He does that sometimes.” He reached down and squeezed the boy’s shoulder, rousing him just enough to help him move to the couch inside of his office. 

“Some on, let’s go catch up with the others,” his mom said. He went with her, letting her hold him close as they walked. 

……………

“Derek!”

“No.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say!” Derek should have let him go to voicemail.

“I know you though, so I know you’re going to ask me for something.”

“Well geez, ask a guy for a piggyback a few times and suddenly it’s all ‘the answer is always no!’” The answer was always no. But he always gave in anyway.

“Stiles.”

“You don’t know I was going to ask for something.” He did know he was going to ask for something.

“Yes I do.”

“Nuh uh.”

“Really?” There was a pause.

“Okay, maybe I was going to ask for something.”

“No.”

“Oh come on! I just need a ride! My Jeep is in the shop!”

“Again? You realize that you need more than duct tape to hold it together right?” 

“Shut up.”

“I wish you’d let me help. Then I wouldn’t have to give you rides anymore.”

“Please, you love my company.” He did. 

“Look, it’s just to that new restaurant opening up tomorrow.”

“The pizza place?”

“Yeah, that one. I wanted to go.”

“Okay, we’ll go.” 

“Wait, what?”

“We’ll go. I’ll take you. But you’re buying.” Derek was such a sucker. He couldn’t say no to Stiles and it was going to blow up in his face someday. 

“Awesome! Just pick me up whenever you wanna go!” 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Thanks Derek! You’re the best!”

……………

“You have pizza sauce on your cheek.” Stiles looked up, wiping his napkin over his cheek and lifting an eyebrow. 

“Did I get it?” Derek rolled his eyes, reaching out and wiping his own napkin on Stiles’ cheek to get the sauce. 

“There,” he said, chuckling. Stiles blushed, ducking his head down. Derek felt the tips of his ears turning bright red and looked to his own plate as if it would hide him. Stiles took a moment to pull himself together, licking his lips. 

“So, have you picked a college yet?” he asked. Derek had taken enough classes to defer for a semester, which Stiles was grateful for. He would miss him when he was actually gone. He wouldn’t stop going to the Hale house, of course. He enjoyed spending time with all the Hales and Talia elected him as head babysitter for the little ones. But Derek was usually there too, and he was good company. He didn’t complain about Stiles’ commentary when they watched movies and they talked about books because Derek was a nerd and Derek made the best chocolate chip cookies every time Stiles came over to help babysit. 

“Not yet,” Derek sighed, shaking his head. “I narrowed the list down though. I’m debating Mendocino, Colombia, and Shasta. They’re not too far away if I need to come home.” The thought of being away from his pack still stressed him out. He wanted to stay relatively close just in case he missed everyone too much. Being away from Stiles would stress him out too, but he knew the boy would probably call him and text him all the time, just like he did now. 

“That’s good,” Stiles said. “And you’ll be home every holiday?”

“Of course,” he laughed. He would be home whenever possible. Stiles nodded.  

“That’s good, because my dad usually works holidays and Scott is going to be visiting family over spring break, and my dad will be working a lot of extra shifts to keep hooligan mischief down to a minimum. So I was planning on spending my days with your family,” he told Derek. 

“You like being in a crowded house where there’s so many people talking over each other that you can’t even hear yourself think?” Derek teased. 

“I like being surrounded by people who care about me, regardless of how loud they are,” Stiles said, chuckling softly. Derek couldn’t argue with that.

“Well, then you’ll be pleased to know that I am, in fact, going to be home.”

“What, no spring break parties for you?” Stiles asked, his eyes glinting mischievously. 

“I have no desire to run around going to overcrowded places jam packed with people who are drunk and smell like sweat and booze.”

“Well when you put it like that.” Derek snorted. “Oh stop that. You know I wouldn’t be going to any parties either.” 

“Exactly.”

“Yeah, yeah. Stop being so smug or I’m going to steal your room while you’re gone.”

……………

“I think I figured it out.”

“I’m going to regret this. What did you figure out?”

“Why I’m single.”

“Is it because your ideal date is someone buying you curly fries?”

“Shut up. It’s because the person most perfect in the world for me is unobtainable.”

“What?”

“Yeah. It makes so much sense. It’s like I’m meant to be with this person and the universe is making me wait to be with them because when we get together it’s going to be absolutely amazing. It’s gonna be perfect. So it’s gotta build up to that, right? So that it’ll be ten times better than just meeting someone amazing.”

“You’re insane.”

“Insanely right.” Derek just laughed and shook his head, reaching over to ruffle Stiles’ hair just because he knew it would irk him. He’d finally grown it out past the buzz cut and figured out how to style it. True to expectations, Stiles squawked indignantly and batted Derek’s hand away. 

“I’m going to tell your mom that you’re being mean to me.”

“Stiles, I’m twenty-one.”

“Not for another week you’re not. And that doesn’t mean she won’t give me your dessert.”

“You’re a few months from being a legal adult.”

“Still a child in the eyes of the law,” Stiles teased, draping himself over Derek’s back. Derek continued with his book, hiding his smile.

“I’m just a fragile little human in need of protection.” Derek snorted. 

“You need to be protected from yourself. You’re more at risk of knocking yourself out by running into a door than anything else.”

“Wow, rude.”

“The truth hurts.”

“Your face hurts.”

“What?”

“And it’s killing me.”

“Again, what?”

“I don’t know,” Stiles laughed. He leaned his cheek against Derek’s shoulder, clearly content to stay that way. Derek Didn’t mind. He lost track of time as he read, only looking up at the clock when he heard Stiles start snoring. He was still sprawled on top of Derek, his arms draped around Derek’s neck, his face now tucked into the crook of Derek’s neck. He was a warm weight on him, soft and smelling of cinnamon and sweetness while he slept. The usual bitter twinge of anxiousness in his scent was gone. He still had the slight trace of Adderall, but it was muted, soon to be gone as it was time for another dose. Derek knew he hadn’t been resting well, with midterms and college applications looming over him. He didn’t mind letting Stiles rest on him. 

“You should tell him.” Derek was snapped out of his thoughts to find Laura leaning against the doorframe. 

“Tell him what? That his bed is elsewhere?”

“That you love him, dumbass. That he’s your mate,” Laura huffed, rolling her eyes. Derek glared.

“He’s going to find out eventually,” she added.

“I’m not dragging him into our world.”

“Der, he’s already in it. He just doesn’t know it. That’s ten times more dangerous for him. His dad already knows. It’s just a matter of time before he figures it out.”

“He’s going to hate us. He’s going to hate me for lying to him,” Derek insisted.

“He’s far too attached to hate us. Besides, do you really think he’s that shallow?”

No, of course not. But ten years of lies isn’t just a mistake.”

“Five. And you’re being stupid.”

“I’m being reasonable.”

“Dumb.”

“Realistic.”

“Asinine.”

“Safe.”

“He loves you and you’re never going to put him out of his misery, are you?”

“He doesn’t love me,” he scoffed. She rolled her eyes.

“He does. He’s sleeping on you. He loans you movies and then stays up to watch them with you. He shared his damn curly fries with you. If that’s not a declaration of love, I don’t know what is.”

“Sharing curly fries is love?” 

“From him it is. He nearly took off Scott’s hand when he tried to take some. My point though, is that he loves you. He loves you and he’s your mate and everyone can see it.”

“He’s underage.”

“Just for a few more months. You should still tell him how you feel though.”

“I don’t want to lose him. Telling him could chase him off or it could make the truth that much more damaging.”

“You’re hopeless little bro. Just think about it, okay?” she sighed, patting his head before she left. Left alone with his thoughts, he knew that he wanted nothing more than to tell Stiles everything. But he couldn’t, not yet. 

…………… The first time Stiles came home from college, he smelled like other people. And not like he was just hanging out with other people, but like those people were all over him. Derek didn’t like it. It made him not smell right. He had, maybe somewhat childishly, run off into the woods to avoid having to deal with it. His mom had given him a pointed look upon his return, but he’d ignored it for the most part. If Stiles wanted to have…relations…with other people, then he could. It wasn’t like Derek had told him about his feelings after all. 

“Are you still sulking or are you done?” Derek startled, only just barely holding back his shift as he spun around. Stiles was there, sprawled over his bed, his hair still damp as he read one of Derek’s books. He was wearing Derek’s clothes too. “Your sister said I smelled, so I borrowed some of your stuff. That’s okay, right?” Derek held back a whine, nodding. 

“Yeah, that was okay.” 

“So, you done? Or should I just go home and come back tomorrow?” Stiles asked, giving him an unimpressed look. Derek sighed. 

“Why do you care?” he huffed, dropping into the chair by his desk, not looking at Stiles.

“I care because I was excited to come home and see you and as soon as I get here, you bolt. I care because I had plans for us and now we can’t do them because you were being an overly dramatic asshole. I care because I freaking missed you,” Stiles said, his scent turning sour with anger. Derek had never felt more ashamed of himself. Of course Stiles had missed him, they were friends. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I was…I was being stupid.”

“Yeah, you were.” Before he could respond, there was suddenly a mess of long limbs and a frantic heartbeat on him, hugging him tightly. Hugging him back was just natural, instinctive, and he held on tight. 

“I missed you too.”

……………

“You might want to make sure you’re more careful driving now.” Derek looked up at Laura and lifted an eyebrow. “John just hired a new deputy.”

“So the new deputy wants to give lots of tickets to impress the boss?”

“No, the new deputy is Stiles.” Derek spat out the tea he’d been sipping, narrowly avoiding spraying his book. Laura, ever the supportive big sister, nearly tripped because she was laughing so hard. 

Rude.

……………

“You know, you could just stay in your room.” Stiles sighed, dropping the last box of his things on the couch Lydia had donated to his new apartment.

“Dad, I am a fully functioning adult –”

“Twenty-two.”

“– with a job –”

“Working for me.”

“– so I can live on my own –”

“You could use a roommate.”

“– because I worked hard to get my degree and be independent!” Stiles rushed out. His dad just looked amused. 

“You did work hard, but I would feel better if you weren’t alone.”

“Dad,” Stiles sighed, “I’ll be fine. It’s Beacon Hills.”

“Just try not to catch anything on fire,” John said, giving him a grin that was far too mischievous for Stiles’ liking.

“Well, obviously, but why do you say that?”

“Didn’t you hear? Derek and Cora joined the local fire department. You’d never hear the end of it if they had to come rescue you.” Stiles grudgingly admitted that he had a point, but not to his face.

……………

In all fairness, Derek had no right to be mad. He had no right to be all up in Stiles’ face about how dangerous it was being here. Stiles coughed. 

“You could have died! It’s not your job to go into burning buildings!”

“You weren’t here,” Stiles huffed, coughing again. “There was a kid inside. I wasn’t about to just stand by and do nothing.” His lungs felt heavy with smoke, his skin felt itchy with ash, he could feel the sweat dripping from his brow leaving tracks as it fell. Derek sighed, grabbing the oxygen mask hanging beside him. The paramedic left him sitting there to go help other people and no one blinked at Derek standing with him. 

“Put this back on, idiot.”

“I wasn’t trying to put myself in danger, I was just trying to save that kid.”

“You did,” Derek said. “There is no try.”

“Don’t quote Star Wars at me, I’m trying to be mad at you.” Derek made a displeased noise and firmly placed the mask on his face. 

“Breathe. Idiot.” Cora came up and ruffled Stiles’ hair. 

“Hey, that boy and his family want to thank you. I told them to call the sheriff’s department tomorrow,” she said. She sat next to him, throwing her arm over his shoulders. “Don’t antagonize Derek, he’s just worried about you getting hurt.” 

Derek glared at her. Stiles opened his mouth and pulled the mask off just a little, but quickly replaced it as Derek turned his glare on him. 

They could talk later.

……………

Stiles had a week off to recover, filled with baked goods baskets and casserole dishes, providing enough food that he didn’t need to go to the grocery store for the whole week. He was glad to stay home, mostly because he didn’t think he could take any more people shaking his hand and thanking him for what he did. He hadn’t done anything special, but everyone was acting like he had. 

His first day back at work was a day of desk duty. He didn’t mind so much; he had enough filing to last him another week. As soon as he sat down however, a paper bag was dropped in front of him. He looked up to see Derek and relaxed.  

“Please tell me this is for my dashing good looks and charming wit.”

“No dice,” Derek snorted. “It’s from mom. She said you’re probably tired of hearing the usual spiel people give when we do our jobs, so she said this is just an ‘I love you and I’m proud of you’ breakfast.”

“I think I’ve gained ten pounds from all the food I’ve gotten this past week,” he groaned. 

“Well at least you have your pretty face.” Stiles turned his attention to the bag, opening it to find one of Andrew Hale’s Famous Cinnamon Buns – capitals included. 

“I love your dad. Tell him I love him. I’m happy to be adopted.”

“I think you’re a little old for that,” Derek laughed. “Besides, you’re already family.”

“I would ask if you’re serious, but your mom signs my birthday cards with ‘love Mama and Papa’.” It was a good touch, with slightly different names than what he called his parents so that they weren’t replacing them. 

“I should go, I was just dropping that off for you,” Derek said, giving Stiles a soft little smile. “Try not to run into any more burning buildings while I’m gone.”

“I’ll definitely try,” Stiles laughed, waving as Derek walked away. He couldn’t help his gaze dropping a little, thinking about how great Derek looked in his uniform. 

……………

Derek wasn’t sure how it happened. He was standing beside Laura, who was standing beside their parents. There were people in front of them, growling and snarling and flashing their eyes and teeth. Derek’s own eyes were flashing, but he held back the rest of his shift because his mother had raised him better than that. There was a thunderstorm coming, the acrid tang of electricity just on the horizon. His mother gave him a look, conveying that there were enough people here, he’d be better use back home keeping the little ones safe and assured. Without even a word spoken, he turned back, obeying the silent order he was issued. 

He had just gotten to the house when the Jeep pulled up, thunder rumbling overhead, promising the coming storm. Stiles stumbled out, looking worried. Derek couldn’t hear anyone, but he knew they were close enough that it wasn’t safe for Stiles to be here. 

“You need to leave.”

“Derek, stop it. Don’t push me away,” Stiles said, reaching out and wrapping his hand around Derek’s wrist, “you keep going all hot and cold on me. One minute we’re fine, the next you’re being all grumpy and cold again.” Because he kept remembering that it wasn’t safe, he couldn’t have Stiles because then he’d be in danger all the time. 

“Just leave!” Derek growled, turning and shoving Stiles back towards his car. He used too much strength though, and Stiles – human, frail, breakable – went tumbling down. Derek wanted to scoop him back up, wanted to apologize and hold him close, but he couldn’t. The other pack were still close, and he had to keep Stiles as far from them as possible. Stiles needed to leave. Stiles wasn’t hurt though. He jumped back up, his eyes blazing with anger. 

“I thought we were past that whole brute shit,” Stiles snapped. All Derek could think about was Stiles burning alive, Kate, or someone like her, finishing the job she’d started back when she was sixteen. 

“What do you want?” 

“I want you to talk to me! Stop being dumb and trust me!”

“We have nothing to talk about.”

“That’s bullshit!”

“Get out.”

“No.”

“Get out!” Derek roared, feeling his eyes flash, his teeth elongating as he slipped into his beta shift. It was too much, the stress of the other pack, the danger to his family, the danger to Stiles, the fear of history repeating itself, and he lost control for just a moment. He heard Stiles’ heartbeat stutter, saw his eyes go wide, smelled his fear. He was in the car before Derek could say anything, throwing the shift into reverse and throwing gravel as he peeled out. Derek couldn’t help feeling guilt settle in his stomach like a rock.

……………

“So, what did you say to Stiles?” Derek froze. 

“So that’s why he’s been smelling all sad and guilty,” Cora hummed, frowning at him. Laura nodded. 

“You said something, irritated the hell out of him, and now he’s mad at you and won’t talk to you and smells just as sad as you do.”

“I don’t know why he’s mad, it’s not like we were ever anything more than friends,” Derek snapped. Laura scoffed. 

“He loves you!” She growled, her eyes flashing at him. “You’re an idiot!”

“He doesn’t know what he wants. He doesn’t know anything,” Derek said, his voice even and hollow as he stood up and walked calmly, carefully to his room and locked the door behind him. Stiles would get over it eventually. 

……………

Derek was slammed into a tree before he even got a chance to do anything more than growl. It’s a little unfair, that the alpha is picking him to fight, instead of his mother who’s currently fighting two of the betas and winning. He knows he’s outmatched, but he’s trying his best. 

His best is apparently getting thrown into a tree though, so he’s not sure it’s doing much good. 

They’re winning, regardless of how Derek is doing. His mother is running towards him, having beaten off the two betas. Laura is about to take down the beta she’s fighting. Cora is catching her breath and trying to heal her broken ribs faster. Peter has just gained the upper hand on his opponent. Even the sheriff has held his own and is applying pressure to the gash on his head as he helps Derek’s dad off to the side to set his broken leg. 

But the alpha has her claws on his neck now and he only wishes that he’d gotten a chance to apologize to Stiles, to tell him that he loves him. Because he does, he loves his mate. And Stiles is his mate, even if he never got the chance to tell him that. 

But suddenly, almost as suddenly as the fight started, the alpha is down and screaming briefly before her voice cuts off and her body stills. And standing there, holding the literal smoking gun, is Stiles. 

The heavens open up as the remaining pack members flee for their lives, as if the sky was attempting to wash away the spilled blood. 

……………

It’s cliché. It’s as cliché as it gets. And because it’s his life, he really should have seen this coming. He shouldn’t even be surprised. It’s like a scene straight out of a rom-com. Since they’re both dudes, would that make it a dick-flick? He’s getting off track. It’s raining. They haven’t spoken since Derek yelled at him. He’s done being mad because he mostly just misses Derek and wants to know once and for all if there’s something there for them, if Derek thinks of him the way he thinks of Derek. 

He’s standing next to his Jeep, his arms crossed over his chest, glaring at Derek. He hasn’t said a word yet, but Stiles just saved his ass and Derek owes him at least an explanation as to why he didn’t tell Stiles about any of this. Of course, Stiles already knew, because he’s not an idiot and the Hales really aren’t that subtle. He’s still mad at Derek, but he loves him, so he doesn’t want to just leave.

It’s complicated.  

He’s soaking wet, they both are, and his hair is flopping onto his forehead. He’s shivering and regretting most of his life choices as his clothes stick to him and every move he makes reminds him that he’s chafing and feels so gross right now. He’s probably going to get sick because Derek isn’t saying anything and he’s not going to get in the car and Stiles isn’t about to leave him out here alone. 

“You shouldn’t have been here!” Derek yells. Not the best way to start this conversation, but at least he’s being direct. 

“Where else was I going to be!” he yelled back. 

“You could have died!” Derek snarled. 

“I didn’t!”

“You shouldn’t even know about this!”

“But I do! You’re my family! My dad was here! I wasn’t going to just sit at my desk and wait for someone to die!” 

“You never thing about anything! You just do things and you don’t care what happens to you! But I care! And I’m not going to sit around and watch you kill yourself because you were too dumb to know when to back off!” 

“I’m not dumb!” 

“That’s what you took from all that?” Derek asked, incredulous. Stiles would argue, had his mouth open and defense on his tongue, but suddenly Derek was right there, pressing him back into the jeep, kissing him furiously. His mouth was hot against Stiles’, his hands blazing where they cupped his cheeks. His body was a long line of warmth holding him in place, much gentler than his words were. The Jeep was cold against Stiles’ back, making him press forward into Derek more. 

Damn werewolf body temperatures. 

“I could have lost you.” Derek’s words were almost lost in the sound of the pounding rain. His forehead was leaning against Stiles’ and Stiles kept his eyes closed just in case he was dreaming. The steady unsteadiness of his heartbeat resounded in his ears. “I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t.”

“With you diving headfirst into danger, I will.”

“I trust you to have my back, like you always have, you big furball,” Stiles sighed. 

“How did you figure it out?”

“You guys are horrible at keeping secrets and I’m an awesome detective. And you throwing a tantrum just confirmed it.”

“I smelled your fear.”

“Because I could tell you were scared. And if you were scared enough to yell at me like that…I figured it was best to get the hell out of dodge.”

“So you weren’t…scared of me?”

“Derek, I saw you tear up over baby bunnies. I could never be scared of you.”

“Shut up.” Stiles does, but only because he gets more kisses. 

……………

In the end, it’s worth it. All the fights and hurt and loneliness is worth it. He ends up curled up with Derek in front of the fireplace, wearing Derek’s clothes and sipping Andrew Hale’s Famous Hot Chocolate – again, the capitals are necessary – from Derek’s favorite mug. Derek is scent marking him and growling at anyone who comes too close, while Talia laughs and says he’ll stop once his mate smells enough like him. Stiles pretends hearing that he’s Derek’s mate doesn’t make him feel even warmer inside. 

……………

By Christmas they’re building a house in the woods, far enough away from the Hale house that they’re on their own but close enough to be with their family. Derek had liked the idea as soon as he’d first pitched it and his eyes lit up as Stiles talked about making sure there was a nursery and plenty of bedrooms for future little ones. Stiles is pretty sure everything is going to be okay now. As he sits with his pack, his family, his everything, leaning into Derek’s side as Cora sprawls across their laps and Laura lays on top of them. He thinks that this is where he’s meant to be, and he never should have doubted that. 

He proposes as they all eat Christmas breakfast, after wishing Derek a happy birthday of course, and Derek carefully finishes his piece of bacon, leaving Stiles to sweat and worry about what if Derek wanted to propose, what if he just ruined Derek’s proposal and now he’s mad. Only, Derek isn’t mad. He tackles Stiles to the ground and buries his face in his neck as he whispers ‘yes’ to him. 

Stiles’ stocking has a ring in it and Derek just shrugs and comments that Stiles always had a habit of beating Derek to the punch. 

All in all, it’s the best Christmas Stiles has ever had.

(Except for the year after that where a little baby is gifted to them from the local fairies as a wedding gift, but that’s a story for another time.)

[scribblindown]

Gladio finds out that his S/O is a Phantom Thief

Persona 5 x Final Fantasy XV

Set: Here

Scenario: You are here

Headcanons: Here

It was a surprise that you even made it this far, you thought as you basically dragged yourself to an empty seat in the train. Not like it was hard to find one in the first place, this entire compartment was completely empty save for you, and the only other people in this train were probably the two businessmen out in front compartments. 

With a hiss, you eased your throbbing, aching muscles down on the hard seat and started to breathe heavily in response to your injuries flaring up. These past few hours have been nothing but completing the Palace and fighting Shadows nonstop. By the third hour you were completely exhausted and wanted to drop dead, but you knew better than to complain. Even with Akira constantly asking the team if you guys were willing to go on, you lied through your teeth about “Doing just fine!” and suffered through multiple hallways of running, more Shadows than you could count, and then the final Shadow. 

You were tired, you were hurt, and it was a miracle that you were even standing. With another sigh, you laid your head on the window of the subway and listened with half an ear as the conductor announced the stops and destinations. Your eyelids became heavier with every passing second, too exhausted beyond belief to even care about the multitude of bruises that littered your body like a morbid art piece. 

Before you knew it, you gave up trying to keep yourself awake and decided that you might as well get five minutes of rest before you had to drag yourself back home in Insomnia again. 

Just for a quick nap. 

“Miss?” Gentle shaking easily stirred you out of your slumber. A soft groan escaped your lips and your eyelashes slowly fluttered when you cracked open your eyes. “Miss?” the subway employee said again. When he saw that you were awake he straightened up and stepped back to give you your space. “We’re at our last stop for the night.” 

That made you jolt like an ice bath dumped over you. You sat up and stared at him with wide eyes. 

“L-Last stop?!” you asked. You spun around to try and catch the name of the place, but you were blocked off by the pillars. “W-Where am I?” 

“You’re in central Insomnia,” he said, “near the Citadel.” 

“What?!” you gaped. You missed your stop four stops ago! “Is there another train after this?!” 

“Nope, this was the last train to take off tonight. After this, the metro will close for the night. If it’s a problem, then I suggest calling for a taxi or—” 

You didn’t even hear him before you gathered your bag and backed out of the sliding doors with as much speed as your legs could carry. By the time you climbed up the stairs and faced the whipping winds of Insomnia, you clutched your bag closer to your chest and the reality of the situation hit you. 

You were stranded in the middle of Insomnia, and your house was a forty-minute walk away from here. You breathing started to become heavy, thick with the panic that left you and the reminder of your aching muscles and bones. You hopelessly looted through your bag and your pants pockets. Nothing. 

Great, you thought. You were out of cash too. You huffed, just your luck. There was no way you would be able to make the forty-minute walk back to your apartment without collapsing on the street somewhere, so you were stranded here. 

Slowly, you wondered if you should just admit yourself to the nearby hospital for the night and sleep on their uncomfortable cots, but then you remembered that you would need an explanation for the injuries that you had, and that was a hole that you didn’t want to dig. Although...Gladio’s house wasn’t that far from here, just a five minute walk straight then down the corner. But you were even more hesitant than going to him, because he would demand answers from you, and your cover would be blown. 

Shit.

Your side suddenly pulsed with pain, your own body protesting from all the hits and spells that you had taken. Patches of black started to gather in your vision, and you decided that you needed to get out of there now. It was either Gladio’s house or you could knock out in a random alleyway somewhere and have who knows what happen to you. 

You sucked in a breath, and forced yourself to move. Pain shot through your sore feet and your head started to pound. 

That five-minute walk ended up talking fifteen minutes as you half-dragged yourself through the empty streets at night, pausing every other minute just so you could take a breather and go easy on your limbs. 

At long last, the Amicitia Household came into view, with tall trees shading the front of their manor and looming over you in the darkness like twin giants. You pushed open their wrought iron gates, flinching and scrunching up your face at the loud creak that it emitted. The smell of flowers from their lush yard hit your nose right away. The naturally pleasant smell became sickening and intense in your disoriented state. It made your headache pound in your head ten times as hard, and in turn, your limp turned into a painful sway. You bit your lip and told yourself that it was only a couple more feet away, you could persist. 

You tried to cross their front lawn with as much coordination as you could, but that became impossible when your legs protested and your eardrums beat like a loud drum. Your vision was leaving you in large blobs of black, and just as you made it to their front door to raise a hand to their doorbell, your vision left you completely. 

Your legs collapsed underneath you, and all went black. 

“I’m going to go to school now!” Eleven-year-old Iris yelled in her overly large home. “Bye, Jared! Bye, Gladdy!” 

The family butler pleasantly said his goodbyes to the small girl, and a loud grunt came from upstairs. Iris wasn’t phased by Gladio’s lackluster response, and threw the front door open. 

However, the girl wouldn’t be able to make it very far, because the moment she was about to step outside, the Amicitia received a full view of your unconscious body knocked out of their front steps.

“Gladdyyyy!” Iris shrieked. 

You knew it was him before you woke up. 

When you finally roused from your slumber, you attempted to shift in the hold of two strong arms, and you immediately knew who the owner of those two arms was. You attempted to turn and bury your face into his hoodie as you held in a groan from the soreness you felt. 

You breathed in the smell of the soft fabric. Aftershave, clean laundry, and flowers in bloom, this was definitely your Gladio. 

You didn’t even notice that Gladio was taking you somewhere until he called out your name.

“[Name],” he said, his voice unreadable. You finally opened your eyes and slowly attempted to blink the grogginess away. You hummed and slowly sat up in his arms, you wove your arm around his neck and leaned your head on his shoulder. You observed your surroundings and saw that he was walking across his front yard. 

“Hm?” you softly replied, voice deep with sleepiness. 

“Who did this to you?” This made you widen your eyes in sudden shock. You practically jolted in his arms as you looked at him with a surprised look. Your eyes were wide and your jaw dropped when you looked at his expression. 

His expression was schooled into stone, and that made you more worried than when he actually looks angry. No, Gladio was livid. Amber eyes darkened to a murky brown, and the tense of his muscles and the slight grind of his teeth gave away his true feelings. 

“N-No one,” you quickly answered, shaking your head. Your voice trembled at the lie and you felt his arms tighten around you. Dread crept up on you 

“Bullshit,” he said right after. Even though his face was unreadable, the tone of his voice was murderous enough to kill. 

“I-It’s the truth!” you tried to say. Well, half-truth, but Gladio didn’t need to know that. “W-Wait, are you taking me to the hospital?” Panic set into your skin, and you immediately tried to squirm out of his arms. Gladio’s eyes widened from your skittish behavior, “Don’t! Don’t take me to the hospital!” you said, trying to jump out of his arms. 

“Hey! [Name]—Stop! You’re going to hurt yourself!” Gladio tried to protest. “What is going on with you?” When you gave him another push, he gave in and turned around. “Alright! I won’t take you to the hospital! Just stop moving around so much, you’re going to agitate your injuries.” Gladio walked back into his living room and kicked off his shoes. A worried Jared and three-year-old Talcott watched as Gladio gently placed you on their couch and left to go grab the first aid kit. 

You sat there, attempting to even out your breathing with a gentle hand placed on your stomach. That had to be a dodged bullet. 

If he had taken you to the hospital, not only would the hospital staff find out your secret, but Gladio would’ve too. And having only Gladio know about your secret would be an easier pill to swallow. You were just worried about how your friends would react if they knew that you let the secret out to someone so closely linked to the King, but you trusted Gladio. 

Just as you thought that, your boyfriend came back into view with the first aid kit and a heat pack. He handed you the pack wordlessly and you instantly took it from him, applying it on the space between your neck and shoulders with a sigh of relief. 

The next few minutes were spent in comfortable silence. The afternoon allowed for bright sunlight to filter into their home in a warm and gentle glow. You looked down to see your boyfriend dutifully wrapping your sprained ankle, and your eyelids drooped with every blink. Gladio finally looked up at you and saw your tired expression. 

He gave you a dorky half-smile. “Go get some rest, [Name], I’ll still be here when you wake up.” 

And taking in his words, you allowed yourself to fall back into Hypnos’ arms.

“Where is she?!” a voice cried out, knocking you out of your peaceful sleep. The sounds didn’t end, and were only followed up by multiple other noises that roused you out of your slumber. Tiny sounds of awe, the sounds of people removing their shoes and entering the threshold. 

“On the couch, she fell asleep a little while ago,” your boyfriend’s rough voice said, yet there was always a gentleness that Gladio had whenever he talked to you, or about you. His voice was even softer now since he still believed that you were asleep. You could imagine him towering over the lot of them with his hands in his sweater pockets and a deep frown pulled on his face. As quick as your groggy self could allow, you slowly pulled your body up without opening your eyes and your blanket dropped to your hips. 

“Huh?” You slowly blinked your [e/c] orbs open. “Gladdy...you called over my friends?” You looked at the Prince’s Shield with a surprised expression, then back at your friends who stood in a wall around you, still dressed in their school uniforms. 

“You said that you were with your friends last night, so I thought that they could explain...” Gladio’s low voice said. Your eyes widened slightly, so he wanted to know...? 

“[Name]!” Ann suddenly cried, throwing her arms around your neck in a hug, shocking you. Blinking at Ryuji and Akira, the blond boy walked closer to you and gave you a slap on the back. 

“Yo, [Name]! You weren’t at school today, we were worried that something happened to you on the way home,” Ryuji said. 

“You weren’t answering your phone either,” Akira quietly added. 

Your lower lipped dropped in understanding. “I—” You suddenly stopped yourself and looked over at your boyfriend, who stood watching with a contemplative eye. You didn’t want him to hear this. “Gladdy?” you asked, voice slightly gravely. “Can you get me a glass of water?”  

He paused for a second, meeting your eyes with his own amber ones, searching for something, but stayed as unreadable as ever. He pushed himself off the wall that he was leaning on and nodded. “Does anyone else want something to drink?” 

“I’m fine, thank you,” your school president said. 

“Water in a bowl please,” the black-haired leader said softly, speaking up for the cat that leaped up on your couch. You looked down at Morgana in silent surprise as he trampled over your thighs and blankets. 

“It would be great if you had some soda!” Ryuji’s loud voice said, threatening to echo throughout Gladio’s extensive house. 

“And water for me please!” Ann added. 

“I as well,” the blue-haired artist said afterward. Gladio paused for a second, slowly recounting all of the orders in his head before he nodded to himself and walked off to the kitchen to get the drinks. 

“Guys—“ you whispered, gesturing for them to get closer. Once everyone leaned in you nodded. “Let’s talk like this,” you said, “Gladdy...Gladio still doesn’t know.” Everyone nodded in understanding and moved to comfier spots so they can continue whispering with you. 

Makoto took a knee on the floor beside you. “[Name], your boyfriend had us worried when he called us on your phone like that. Is everything alright?” 

“I—” You shook your head. If you told them the truth, they would freak out. “Gladio makes it sound worse than I really was, I was just a little bit tired.” 

“That sounds like a bit of an understatement, if I recall correctly, he said that he found you unconscious on his doorstep,” Yusuke had to add, looking contemplative as he looked at you. 

Your eyes widened comically when he said that. You were a deer in the headlights. 

“What’s this?!” Ann had to shout. She then looked at you, almost as if you were a child caught doing something bad. “I didn’t hear about this!” 

“C-Calm down, Ann!” Ryuji had to jump in. 

“Calm down!? [Name] was found unconscious, and you’re telling me to calm down?!” Ann said. Ryuji looked as if he was in the presence of a large bear. Ann was a fun loving girl for the most part, but she was also fiercely protective of you. Maybe it had a little to do with the fact that you were the only one who defended her when she had rumors spread about her, or that you comforted her after the Shiho incident, but the fact of the matter was that Ann watched over you like a mother hen. 

“No wonder you looked so tired...” Akira added. “I kept on asking, but you kept on saying that you were fine.” Once your silent leader said that, the dots in everyone’s heads connected. 

“[Name]!” the cat yowled on your lap. “Do you have any idea—”  

“[Name],” Makoto scolded, “That’s stupid, and reckless!”

“I get it, guys!” you had to yell out, holding up your hands in mock surrender as you leaned back. “I learned my lesson! I just wanted to finish up the Palace...!” You tried to explain yourself, but any reasonable thought was thrown out of your head from how overwhelmed you felt. 

Just when Makoto or Ann was about to rip into you again, Ryuji jumped in front of you, hands held up. 

“C-Come on, guys! Give [Name] a break, she meant well...!” You sighed in relief, and you had never felt more thankful for the blond boy. You saw Morgana, Makoto, and Ann visibly calm down the moment Ryuji blocked you from their slight. He laughed nervously when everyone fell silent afterwards. 

“And guys!” Ryuji laughed, trying to get everyone’s spirits up again. “Don’t worry ‘bout a thing! [Name]’s alive, we managed to get past the shadows! We can do anything together! ‘Cause we’re the Phantom Thieves—!” 

The moment he said that, several glasses shattered on the side, and everyone whipped their head around. There Gladio stood, his face nothing but shock as pieces of broken glass and water surrounded his feet. 

“Gladdy—!” you instantly tried to say, jumping out of the surprise before your friends did. 

“You’re a what?”   

[xannified]

𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍 ✧ k.yg | 三

The smell of brewed coffee and beans was consumed by most of the air she breathed in, making her feel dizzy on the inside. She was feeling dizzy in a good way. Especially to have alone time for herself.

Jiwon would expect her favorite cafe to be packed on a Friday night, however, there were less people than the usual. There were only some either on their phones or typing away on their computers with whispers to be heard in the background. They were focused on their work while she, on the other hand, couldn't seem to relax when she was supposed to.

Although she loved what she was doing, Jiwon wanted to get ahead of her work to take the load off her shoulders. In a fast-paced industry where everything have to be perfect and amazing, some time alone was the only way to relieve the stress.

Despite her attempts to focus on not thinking about anything at the moment, her mind didn't seem cooperate with. There was another vibration on her lap as her phone lit up.

Packing up her stuff, she walked down the way and out of the cafe. She walked her way to the familiar car and waited. With the plastic cup in hand, the smell of coffee lingering in her nose was replaced by the smell of manly aftershave. Jiwon felt a familiar presence behind her as someone murmured, "I thought you're busy tonight?"

Turning around, she was faced to see the man with a cap on. His mask was pulled down, and he had no makeup on. She simply told him, "Yeah, but I wondered about getting coffee for a bit. And you, I thought you have a practice?"

As Yugyeom unlocked his car, she got in the passenger's seat. He got in his car as well and quickly drove away before people could start recognizing him. He drove away, "Not until JB hyung calls it off the last minute. Plus, I was thinking about you."

He flashed her a devilishly handsome smirk. She just shook her head thrice, "What a lie. You never think about me, Yugyeom-ah."

A quick moment of silence passed by as they got in his place. When they got in, Yugyeom quickly made his move, pressing her against the couch with both arms trapping her in his embrace.

But Jiwon pulled away, looking up at him and observed his dark, lustful eyes. There was something about her actions that seemed a bit unusual these days. Yugyeom noticed the gradual build up of her actions. She was always okay with their thing, but she was hinting that she does not want it. He asked, "Is something wrong?"

Yugyeom moved away from on top of her. She sat on the couch and licked her lips. Jiwon gulped. She let out a heavy sigh, "Just stress, that's all."

He then smirked as he grabbed her face and kissed her. Although she was fighting, Yugyeom kept kissing her. The silent moans coming out of her mouth as they can't be contained. He said, "Then let me make you feel good."

Jiwon had her system betrayed her. She trailed her hands up into his hair, tugging on it slightly. She gasped, lips parting just enough for Yugyeom to slip his tongue into her mouth. The past few days, they have not been seeing each other as of work. And t seemed like it has been ages for him.

She was no poet, really, and the experience of the kiss itself is unremarkable. It's just two pairs of lips pressing together, after all but it was him. As it happens is so unbelievably wonderful, with his hands clutching at Yugyeom's shirt and her body warm against him, his voice so sweet as he hums into the kiss—it's the best kiss she's ever had, hands down.

Jiwon watched through high school as Yugyeom grew from a cheeky, cocky kid, into an even cockier young man. He'd never care much for his grades. He would party with his friends, ditch class and take advantage of being an idol as an excuse, and rile up any girls he chose. And though there were rumors of him being a fuck boy, there were also tales that his best friend was his complete opposite.

Even if Jeon Jeongguk was a student of School of Performing Arts (SOPA), he was still popular in almost all high schools. Hanlim Multi Art School was no exception. He was always seen hanging out with Yugyeom.

They got along like they always had because they were same age friends. And despite their agency differences, they were similar enough where it counted: both of them were invested in all senses in their group. Both of them loved dancing and singing. At the same time, they were the maknaes of their respective groups. Jeongguk and Yugyeom were willing to put aside any differences and work hard for their dreams.

After their rocky start debuting as idol, they had come to understand one another and even become friends in the whirlwind that was living and working in competition under the industry. But before all of these was a total disaster, especially when they knew her.

Yugyeom started acting more like an asshole and a jerk. It was sort of normal, but totally giving Jeongguk the cold shoulder in situations where they were not required to interact was a different story. First Jeongguk had ignored it, thinking Yugyeom was just going through something. But when the other did not come to confront him about it as Jeongguk started to grow frustrated. Yugyeom knew how to hold a long feud over the stupidest of things, but he never did it silently, always being loud to complain and point out any wrongdoings or not-doings to the point it annoyed the hell out of the poor soul he had set his mind on torturing.

This is just one of the things why Jiwon admired Jeongguk. He was kind, gentleman, and is nothing like Yugyeom. She even wonders why they were best friends, but she would like to think that maybe opposites do attract. Yugyeom just gets on her nerves every damn time.

Also despite her best attempts to stay away from Yugyeom, he would approach Jiwon in the halls sometimes. He would use the same lines he did to every other girl he had spoke to. To which always reacted the same—with a bitter insult and a roll of eyes before walking away. And Jiwon would never respond, always leaving and ignoring him.

It was this one afternoon when her supposed to be guardian angels decided to leave for a while, her eyes shutting and her body ready for the impact because slipping on wet floor was the least she expected to happen to her. A pair of arms slip around her waist as she was soon being pulled against a strong, warm chest. Jiwon thinks that maybe the loyal guardian angel heard her internal cry for help, or maybe an angel-like face of a saviour. So she slowly opened her eyes to see, well, a devil.

She curses, immediately shoving him as hard as she can to force some distance as he was grinning. His stupid grin was getting wider as he approaches her again, but she keeps moving until he had her cornered. Her back was pressed against the cold lockers. Thankfully, he keeps a few inches between them. But he rests his forearm on the lockers by the side of her head. He says, "Hey, babygirl."

He has left enough room for her to leave and she wanted nothing more than to kick him in the shin. He was a jerk, breaking hearts, disrespecting, and boasting. She just wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. She hissed, "Don't call me that."

"How can you say that to your knight in shining armour just a minute ago?" Yugyeom mocks. He then asks her, "Then what would you prefer? Love? Sweetheart? Or daddy's princess?"

"None," she managed to say. Jiwon was glad that her voice was shaking. She did not need to fuel his ego. She took a deep breath and muttered, "Can you get out of my way? You disgust me."

Yugyeom then just chuckled as he cocks his head, his eyes never wavering from hers. He eyes were flicking down to her front before looking at her straight again. He asks, "I've heard you like Jeongguk. Do you really think that my best friend would have any interest on you?"

She tapped her foot anxiously against the floor, as if it would stop the weakness swimming through her limbs. Jiwon waited until she was sure her voice would not break before she speaks, "That is none of your business. Go away, fuck boy."

He chuckles as Jiwon tried to speak again. He cuts her off by saying, "Newsflash, baby, he doesn't have a type. You'll just get your hopes up on him. And you can have me instead, if you ever change your mind."

Without another word, Yugyeom winks as he leaves. He weaves his way through the corridor without glancing back at her once.

Now he only angered her more. Yugyeom angered her for the way he was a better dancer than her sometimes. Yugyeom angered her for his gut. Yugyeom angered her for making her feel anxious. Yugyeom angered her for getting in her nerves. And Jiwon hated Yugyeom more than she'd hated anyone else.

After that encounter, things even got more tension. From his pet names, his cocky attitude, his smug smile, to the way she found out that he was not as easier to tolerate. He just really gets in her way every single time.

The history Jiwon shares with Yugyeom and the friendship she started to build with Jeongguk leads to her spending a lot more time than she anticipated. She does not mind that much, since it was always the three of them, and it was always a movie marathon in Jeongguk's house.

To say that Yugyeom and Jiwon got along after a few weeks would be a lie. In fact, Jiwon couldn't stand the sight of him. But there was no choice because if Jeongguk would like to hang out, then the other would always be there. They were just so freaking close.

Yugyeom was always around her. He was there at her locker, at her desk, walking closely by her inside or outside the school. He would sometimes even cover her eyes and teasingly whisper on her ear to guess who it is. He would ruffle her hair. It all made Jiwon want to throw the guy off the rooftop of the school building.

"Just date him already," Jimin said one day as they sat on their usual table. The other just snorted which earned him a nudge.

Jiwon looked at the boy again to see him seated on the cafeteria table. He was laughing loudly with some of his friends, probably about a girl's boobs or something. She scoffed, "Fuck to the no. I'd rather lock up myself in a dungeon and die."

The other girl chuckled. Jimin spoke again, "You know, Yugyeom is an actual nice guy. He just really needs to get a taste of his own medicine to anesthetize his cockiness."

There was rice, seaweed soup, fish, zucchinis, and kiwi for lunch. Jiwon twisted the cap of her water bottle as she says, "Nice? Have you seen Jeongguk? He, Park Jimin, is the definition of a nice guy you're telling me. And Yugyeom is far from that."

Jimin then glanced at her friend as she took her chopsticks. She asked her, "Speaking of Jeongguk, you've been hanging out with him, right? How is it? I mean, Yugyeom is his best friend. I heard that you three were always in his house."

"Oh yeah, watching movies and all. Yugyeom is still Yugyeom, damn annoying. But I try my best to be normal because it's the only moment I get to hang out with Jeongguk," Jiwon pauses. She gulped down a chug of water and said, "Because the asshole is his best friend. I just wish that he could have an idea and ask me to hang out alone. Like the two of us, even if it's just a really friendly type."

"Yugyeom knows you like Jeongguk, right? Do you think Jeongguk knows you like him?" Jimin asks again.

"Probably, for sure. The fuck boy is a loud mouth. There is no chance that he did not tell him. He's his best friend, he would tell him anything," she huffed.

It was true. Yugyeom should have told Jeongguk about her admiration of him already. She was just thankful that nothing is awkward. Jiwon might like Jeongguk, but not to the extent of forcing herself to her. She was not like that. She was not like that of a desperate girls in their school.

One thing about Jeongguk is that he does not have a type. At least, that is what everyone knows.

When people ask him about his ideal type, he has no idea how to answer because by his very nature he is unable to look at a person and narrow them down to one or two or even three characteristics. For a guy who is more than just good looking, what made Jiwon admire Jeongguk is that he likes to think he's logical most of the time.

And it wasn't like he was going out of his way to sound like an asshole trying to get into the good graces of the masses, but he really did consider personality the most important. He even once opened up to her about how people labelled him fake. Because logically speaking, it just never made sense to ignore the whole of a person in favor of the smallest physical detail. Jiwon just cannot help but admire him more.

The singer chewed her food and looked at her friend. Something came up to her out of nowhere, "Ya, but really, Yugyeom is a nice guy. Whenever in the company, he's the complete opposite of how he is here in Hanlim. I thought about it before why. But when I saw the elder guys always scolding him, I thought maybe he wanted to feel superior unlike how he really goes through."

Jiwon then scanned the room, her eyes gazing on the certain figure. She definitely hated his cockiness, "Whatever, he just really irritates me."

Well, or so she thought.

Soon, during midterms week, she tried to ignore all of Jeongguk's invitation. Either to hang out, chill, or have a group study to focus on her exit tests alone. Jiwon cannot exactly afford to get distracted by anything. Because if she fails, she cannot go to the States according to her parents.

Even Jimin gives her space, though she has been teasing Jiwon ever since their talk in the cafeteria.

It was this one night, two days before their last test when Jeongguk invited her to sleep over. He promised that they will actually study. She hoped that his bugging would die down, only for the boy to be persistent. Jeongguk was actually pestering her to this stupid sleep over.

Jiwon knew very well that it was so wrong on agreeing to this. Mr. and Mrs. Jeon left for a business trip the day before. And if Jeongguk's parents were not here, then it automatically means that Yugyeom can cuss whenever he wants. And here he was, banging on the guest's bathroom door. It was midnight, and the three of them just finished half of the pointers. Yugyeom was shouting,"Ya, can't you bloody well hurry up? You've been in the shower for hours!"

She rolled her eyes, sticking her head out of the shower stall in order to shout back, "Can't you wait until I'm done?"

The girl could imagine him gritting is teeth with indignation. He grunted, "Just hurry the fuck up or I'm going to force my way in there!"

She nearly laughed and was about to challenge him to do so when she stopped. Her eyes darted to the door and realized how stupid of her to forget it unlocked. Jiwon had been wrapped in only a small towel putting some lotion on her legs, when he had come knocking and shouting, saying something about needing to take the much needed shower.

At that point in time, which had been early on in their cohabitation, she had figured that he had lied to her. He hadn't. Not only did he knew that it was unlocked but he efficiently turned the knob. Yugyeom had not even waited for her to leave before he took off his top.

Jiwon could see the outlines of his body, noting that he got some shape. He eyes, uncontrollably, followed the line of his spine until pausing on his butt.

He has a nice ass, she noted. His ass was tight. There actually had a bit of something to grab. Her eyes suddenly returned to reality and she found herself staring at his face, "Like what you see?"

She could swear damn at him. If he had not barged in the shower in the first place, then she would not be looking. Now, she could barely move. There were no words that came out of her mouth when she tried to speak. At the same time her system did not make her turn away and leave.

"Jiwon-ah," his voice pulled her out of panicked thoughts. As she remained still, she realized just how sexy his voice was. It was deep, but not too deep for a highschooler. He reiterated, "Do you want me to tell you instead that I like what I see?"

Yugyeom chuckles, the soft melody breaking whatever tense air had surrounded the two of them. And then he was kissing her, moving his lips against her with so much roughness.

The towel around her body was slowly slipping off her body. In seconds, he had her lifted up and pressed against the shower stall. Heat coursed through her at such a rapid pace that she felt lightheaded and incredibly aroused. He then moved to bite and lick at her throat, "You have no idea how many time you have turned me on."

A moan escaped her lips as his left hand made its way to her left boob, both of her breasts being kneaded in unison. Both of her nipples were being tortured and teased into even tighter, tauter peaks that made a pleasure rush through her body. Her arms made their way to wrap around the back of his head, then her nails dug into her shoulders. She moans, "Shit."

She tugs on his hair as he started kissing the inside of her thighs. Jiwon whines as he pulls away to yank down his pants and underwear. He puts on a condom from one of the pockets of his pants, quickly situating himself between her legs. Yugyeom gently pushes in her as he kisses her temple. He rested his forehead against hers, heavy breathing scattered like their thoughts. He still doesn't move yet though, "I'm going to fuck you out these frustrations I always had about you."

Yugyeom presses another kiss on her lips as he carefully, gently, rocks his hip in hers. For a moment, Jiwon can't breathe. She was too caught up in the foreign feeling of having him move inside of him.

Jiwon cries out, and suddenly Yugyeom was linking his hand with hers, holding them by the side of her head. They kept kissing roughly as his name kept staining the tip of her tongue.

Jiwon can't help but feel the slight tension—and the aching of Yugyeom's dick, which is quite needy for her—but he tries her best to ignore it. Things have escalated quickly because her system betrayed her. It almost feels like she does not want him to stop no matter the avoidance.

Yugyeom tilts his head to press kisses into her neck. A soft, long trail of open mouthed kisses leading from her chin to just below her ear. And though he knows she'd like to fight it, she can't. Sure enough, moments later she lets out a long sigh. "Yu-Yugyeom... fuck, stop."

He just hums into her skin. Yugyeom moved from his neck down further. He have pulled down her off-shoulder top to expose her shoulder blades more. He whispers, "I missed you so much."

That was when her hands went to the back of his neck. Her hands cupped his face and pulled it to face him. She touched him softly and asks, "Did you really?"

He pulls his lips away from her neck then, looking at her face and trying to find any hint of softness. It's not there. He mumbled, "Of course."

And he can't get why she was being like this. Maybe he knows why, of course, they haven't had sex in like three days?

Her eyes were softer than usual, and her eyes are scanning his face as if looking for more. So he leans in closer to claim his lips again, only to be stopped by her. She chews at her lip and lowers her voice so its hardly above a whisper, "And did you expect that I'd always come at your beckoned call?"

She lets out a breath. Her tone is not accusatory, but genuinely curious. He swallows, shifting a bit. Unsure of what she wants him to say, "Well, yeah."

On any other day, he would respond with a little smirk, 'you came tonight didn't you?' to which she'd smirk back and probably say something like 'not yet' which would get the action of the evening started. But tonight is not a night for sarcasm and jokes, and he should've known he had this coming.

He chews at his lip and allows his eyes to scan her face. That beautiful little face he just wants to take between his hands and kiss all over. He lets out a long breath, running a hand through his hair. Yugyeom just cocks his head down to kiss her again.

Though Jiwon would face the other direction and look away. This frustrated him. He clenched his jaw and cursed under his breath, "What exactly is wrong with you? What have I done? Just tell me so that I can apologize or make it up to you like you know I would if I just knew what I have done wrong, and then we can go back to normal!"

She looks at him carefully. Her eyes were forming tears. At least this outburst got Jiwon to look a little like ashamed instead of just righteously petty and angry, and she averted her eyes from him as she dropped his hands from where they had been pushing at his chest, admitting some sort of defeat.

"I don't want to," it was barely a mumble, but Yugyeom was close enough for Jiwon's breath to fan against his chin, so he heard it.

"You don't want to what? Tell me? Jiwon-ah, you're going to have to, because I'm not a goddamn mind reader. I'm tired of you avoiding me like this," Yugyeom angrily told her. Jiwon looks like she was going to explode any minute now.

The look in Jiwon's eyes when he lifted his chin to face Yugyeom again was piercing, and something she did not want to name hurt in Yugyeom's chest. "I don't want to go back to normal."

The words and the intensity of Jiwon's gaze upsetm Yugyeom's focus enough for the woman to be able to shove him back. She made it to the room before Yugyeom could react. Jiwon was quickly making her way towards his room where Yugyeom definitely could not go to have this conversation-slash-argument.

Yugyeom could not believe what he heard. He isn't feeling even the least bit calm. Because he does not get why she was being upset. He growls, "Bullshit, Lee Jiwon! Why are you even bitching? You've been avoiding me this whole time! I don't even know why!"

At the same time, she have let her tears fall down her cheeks. She was now crying. Still, she keeps her composure. Jiwon lets out a groan.

"Fuck, Yugyeom, you're impossible," she sobbed. Jiwon knew very well that she was acting like a bitch. It was even childish to just act up like that. Her voice sounds on the verge of breaking, and god, she felt like her heart was breaking, "Yugyeom I— shit, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

The apology was very sudden. Yugyeom softened at the sight of her crying. Never did he saw her like this, ever.

"What do you mean by that? Why are you saying sorry?" it was dangerously close to begging, but Yugyeom was getting desperate and Jiwon was so, so confusing. Yugyeom needed to know what was wrong to somehow make this right, even if he did not know if he could.

Jiwon was meeting his eyes earnestly now, and she seemed to be weighing his next words carefully, because he was chewing on his full bottom lip the way she tended to do when she had to say something that was not easy for him, "I, just... I can't."

Her answer brought really more questions than any real answers. So Yugyeom grasped Jiwon's other arm too not to let her escape. Jiwon had dropped his gaze again, her eyes flickering everywhere else but Yugyeom, which was impressive considering that Yugyeom covered a big chunk of his field of vision. Yugyeom did not know what he was asking for, but it got Jiwon to look at him again with desperation and hopelessnes, "Please, Jiwon-ah."

He could have counted her eyelashes from how close they were, but he would not. Jiwon was very pretty, and he already knew that. Yugyeom had known that all these years. He has known the way her eyes blinks, her cute nose, her perfect-shaped lips, and many other things Yugyeom did not want to admit.

But right now, he just wanted her to be okay as she has been acting different lately Yugyeom wanted them to be okay, because he knew that was the most he could get, and he had long since learned to be fine with that. Jiwon slowly opened her mouth to speak, "It's... Yugyeom, I can't, okay? I just can't. I can't keep acting like it's enough when it's not. Just leave me be."

Something in Jiwon's sentence snagged in his brain. She seemed to realize she had said too much too. Because his eyes suddenly widened before he tried to back away, but Yugyeom did not let him go yet, desperate to get to an answer, "Wait what? Not enough? What do you mean?"

There was panic in her eyes, and Yugyeom knew she was onto something, getting closer to the truth, to the real reason why she was avoiding him, "Ah, fuck. Never mind, okay? It's nothing. Forget it."

The thought of what it could be was an excited thrill in his stomach Yugyeom tried to squash from being too eager too early. When nothing was confirmed yet and he might very well be wrong about how to interpret her choice of words. He urged her, "It's not nothing, Lee Jiwon. It very clearly isn't. Come on, spit it out."

Giving up the struggle, Jiwon slumped. Her eyes resigned when they met Yugyeom's. And he briefly wondered how those black pools could portray so many different emotions with very little changes in Jiwon's face. "I like you, okay? That's why I can't stand us being like this anymore. I'd want to but it hurts me that it won't be anything more than just fucking around."

It comes out in one long breath, and he's not even really sure she heard him correctly. He blinks a few times, shaking his head softly as she tries to make sense of what she just said. Even he can't really make sense of it, "You... what?"

Then everything comes out then. She tells her how she's known about this for a while now. How she knew the last time he had her over, she fell more and more in love with every moan that dripped out of her mouth. How she missed her the minute she got out of bed the next morning.

She also tells him how she knows she was a coward. Tells him that she's afraid. That she doesn't expect him to feel the same way, but she has to get it off her chest or she's going to die. Jiwon tells him how sorry she was for hiding it all these years. And how deeply he likes him—maybe even love him—since that hook up in high school.

Jiwon was not sure of the many things outside of her studies. But one thing she's absolutely certain as the test was over is that she had done the thing she never expected. She had fallen for the boy she hated for most of her life.

A mistake. It absolutely had to be a mistake. There was no way she could be in love with Kim Yugyeom. Absolutely no way in hell she had feelings for him that ran any deeper than discontent. Because after the bathroom incident in Jeongguk's house, which no one knew but them (thankfully), it was preceded with more.

Maybe she just got caught up with the feeling of pleasure. And her mind tricked itself into thinking she liked Yugyeom. Jiwon did not love him. She loved his dick, and that was all.

It was a good thing that she was leaving. Jiwon thought that it will help her forget about the boy who never had been more than just an actual fuckboy. His smile and and annoying tendency reminds her than there was no way he was the one who have stolen her heart.

High school passes quickly. Jiwon passed the exit exams and got a Protégé Program scholarship. It was an opportunity for dancers to train with world-renowned choreographers in every regional city in the States. Not only will she have the opportunity to work in the dance industry, but she also have the chance to compete for the title of becoming an Elite PULSE Protégé.

Of course, she accepted it without a second thought. It was only Jimin who sent her off, her small circle there as well. Though, she cannot help but notice and miss a certain someone.

It doesn't matter, she thought. Having her parents and friends is all that's important. Besides, he has a life—a job, a career, maybe even a relationship. No time to see his old 'friend' off for the next few years. So Jiwon goes and lives her life to the fullest. She develops as her own person, not an extension of Kim Yugyeom.

It's only when she have had a break from her career. Jimin had been also keeping her updated. As her career starts to blow in Los Angeles, he and his group's fame were also skyrocketing.

Getting on the plane seems surreal. It's to be a long non-stop flight, so she watches a movie and read a book and sleep for a majority of it, only waking when it's time to put back on her seat belt. The first grazes of the motherland against the horizon stir excitement in her stomach, and she sure looks crazy with the giddy look on her face.

Jiwon dreamed of coming back home for ages. She wanted to live with her family and friends and familiarity. Although moving forced her out of her comfort zone, forced her to make friends, the feeling of nostalgia she got when she finally stepped into arrivals almost made her tear up. It was like yesterday that she had been almost trembling in her shoes, nervously looking over the plane ticket alone.

It was one of their friend's idea to head out for her first night since she came back home.

It was the perfect time to arrive. Most were too drunk to recognize her but those that did were so nice and sweet that her nerves completely dissolved. Whoever was on the music really wasn't taking it easy—her limbs felt like they were trembling the second she got within one meter of the door, but she enjoyed it. Jiwon forgot how distracting parties could be.

"I'm gonna find Jeongguk!" Jimin shouted over the music.

Jiwon strays from the large bowl of bright red punch that most definitely contains a whole lot of miscellaneous alcohols and decide to mix a drink of mostly cranberry juice and a splash of whatever alcohol was nearest. Someone walked past behind her and the sound of music got louder.

A guy with very fair skin, whose figure was tall and manly invades her sight. He's got black hair and his tattoos were visible from his mesh black top. For a second she thinks her heart stops.

He's wearing a pair of ripped jeans and his mesh top perfectly showcased the art on his arms. Jiwon feels her throat go dry and she's certain that it was him. He has gotten hot. Yugyeom smiled, "I almost didn't recognize you, it's been a while."

Jiwon took a deep breath, "Yeah, it has. How are you? I've heard so much about your group. I'm glad that you have made it big."

She's all the more surprised when he plops down next to her and bumps her shoulders together. "Thank you. You too, though. You're a hotshot in America. I've seen your videos."

There was a silence. But a certain song comes on and he suddenly perks up and downs the rest of his cup so quickly that she almost choke on her own, "I love this song. Dance with me? For old times sake?"

The last thing Jiwon wanted was to stand close to him for fear of literally jumping his bones but that giddiness that came from the drinking point of no return had started to fizzle and she was most definitely not in her right mind. She took another large gulp and shrugged. "Why the hell not?"

Yugyeom manages to push through to the center of the dancing and settles his hands on her waist. Instinctively her hands go to his shoulders, and for a while it's completely innocent and fun. But the song slows down for the bridge, and he pulls her closer, and he looks at her with eyes much too affectionate for the boy she hooked up with many times in high school.

Maybe it's the buzz in her system, the cloud over her thoughts, but when he starts to lean in, she did too. When his lips meet hers, they move in unison and groan when he tugs at her hair. He pants, "Let's go upstairs."

Jiwon was wrecked. Both of them were equally ruined from three years without any contact whatsoever.

He leads her up the stairs passed mutual group of friends. He grins down at Jiwon as he pushes open doors and peeks inside an empty room. Eagerly following him in, his shirt is gone before she can notice and her mouth waters at the sight. Tattooed white muscular skin that she so desperately wanted to to suck on.

"Come here," Yugyeom says, voice gruff. He reaches for Jiwon and cups her face. His kisses were growing rougher by the minute, and before they know it they're lying on the bed with her legs around his waist and his crotch grinding against hers. He grunts, "Fuck, you're hotter than ever."

She laughs breathlessly and twist until he's flipped into his back and Jiwon was on top. Yugyeom's arms reach for her shirt top to see his eyes focused on the sliver of skin that's revealed. That was when she freezes. What was she doing?

This is the first time she has seen Yugyeom in three years and she's about to drop her underwear because they had unfinished business. This was bad enough, of course, without touching on the fact that he was probably only sleeping with her because she was the only girl he could sleep with back in high school.

She was stupid and wanted to stop. She wanted to push him away, but her clinging to his body for more friction means otherwise.

That was the start of having no strings attached. Or maybe it was the continuity of their unfinished business.

The room was silent beside their lips colliding one another and their bodies moving. His hands were soft to her, so soft that she didn't feel him snake around and take her upper undergarment off, letting them have skin to skin contact. Yugyeom began to kiss along her collarbone down to her breasts, grabbing one in one hand while the other was being devoured by his mouth. He said, "Still craving you all these years."

Her hands were cheeky, moving down to his pants and slowly palming his dick. She murmured, "Me too."

Jiwon moaned his name and let him do whatever he wanted. Yugyeom came up and moved back to sucking her neck as her hand came into contact with his hard-on, gently stroking it so that he'll be ready. Yugyeom took over her mouth when she was not bothering to fight for dominance. He continued and went to below her ear, whispering words to her.

"Ready?" she nodded, placing her hands on his head, playing with the tiny hairs he had on the upper part of his neck.

She felt him, she felt all of him when it came into contact. He took a breath, a few, and she did too. Then they began to move, she moaned, he moaned, names began rolling off their lips. They fucked. It was simple, he was soft at first, but began pounding. His ringed hand came into contact with the headboard, as she grasped his back, definitely leaving scratch marks behind.

They rode out their high together and in sync. He let out a shaky breath and fell on top of her. Sweat in his hair. Her hand came to his curls, pushing them back, as he placed his head on her breast.

It was not a mistake, though, because it was amazing. Jiwon just lived like this for a little. She wanted to take it all in, him, and everything—even if there would be no strings attached.

Yugyeom presses his lips together and closes his eyes like he's trying to remember how it all ended up here. It was so quiet compared to when the two of them were screaming earlier.

Though, Jiwon felt like a weight has been lifted off her shoulder. The last time they had sex out of Yugyeom's anger, it didn't stop her from thinking about what she was feeling.

Their relationship was not only complicated. It was toxic. It was doomed to go nuclear and leave everything in pieces. She knew it all. But Jiwon wasn't strong enough to walk away. She was horrified, it was unmistakable.

And right now, Jiwon was done putting herself through pain she didn't have to endure. She wanted to stop putting herself in the constant pain of having no commitment. She wiped her tears, "I'm sorry, I just... I'm sorry."

Although Yugyeom was always pretty shitty at looking out for her, he couldn't stand to see her hurting. And after the stunt she pulled just now, Jiwon knew that things were going to be rough for a while. He said, "Don't say sorry, Jiwon-ah. But I think it's best if I drive you home for now."

He drove her to her place in silence. Both did not dare to speak at all.

Jiwon was grateful for this, considering that it must be the last of them. The radio silence that they were hearing was only making everything painful. And she cannot help but think what could have happened if she did not tell her. Maybe things would be alright if she just disregarded it... not.

She was amazed at how calm they have managed to walk side by side to her place. But for a moment she ached at how much emptier her place could be for the following more days. It should be no surprise that things will change.

There was also this unsure feeling if she's going to be angry that Yugyeom was not saying anything. Or angry if he was acting like nothing had happened, except awkward.

Jiwon cannot even say his name when Yugyeom helped her on her bed. Because it feels... intimate, somehow. She avoided thanking him since it's ending, and what it would mean for the last time. Yugyeom nodded once and was about to leave, "Please, stay... even just for now. I need you, by my side."

It was as thought her mind was suddenly, completely telling the truth. She was thinking straight in a calm manner, maybe even more so. Though Yugyeom have the power to disrupt her ability to think clearly.

His voice was raspy, his skin briefly brushing against her as he laid down beside her sent shivers down her spine. Yugyeom blankly said, "Okay."

The word 'okay' is the equivalent to when someone asks her how she was doing, and she says 'fine.' It isn't an honest response. But it's enough. It allows the other person to look the other way and pretend that things are better than they really are.

Jiwon accepted this okay as exactly that, a fog of false security, blanketing itself over the space of her bedroom.

She inched forward and caressed his face, like claiming her as her own. Jiwon leaned against him as though Yugyeom was the only one in the world that could keep her sane.

And in that moment, absorbing his warmth, there was nothing in the world that could hurt her. Except for maybe, the person that was holding her.

She looked at him as to memorize her last glimpses of Yugyeom. And Yugyeom tries to do the same, looking at the way her eyes formed tears that slashed down her face, her lips forming a genuine smile. She then turns away eventually, scrubbing the back of his wrist over his eyes.

Jiwon can only touch his face and look at him, and hope they'll eventually be okay.

And as she shuts her eyes, she can feel half of her world being torn away, but it's better this way. It will hurt more is she sees him walk away.

二 ⏪⏸⏩ 四

[girl-next-door-writes]

I Don’t Want This Night To End - Part 3

Characters: Dean x Reader

Summary: Each New Years Eve is magical but how much can one night change your life?

Word Count: 6783 words

A/N: This is a collaborative fic brought to you from the laptops of @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester and @girl-next-door-writes. It is the third part in our mini-series and we have LOVED writing it so we appreciate any feedback and hope you enjoy.

Part 1    Part 2

31st December Present Day

Dean took his time with the pie as he remembered the second time they met. He hadn't expected her to show up but she did and she took his breath away. He remembered how they had spent the whole party together away from the crowd. That picture was still one of his favourites even after all these years. He dug it out on his mobile as he ate the pie remembering just how perfect that night was. How she had ended up in the bed with him this time and how he had spent every second just discovering parts of her. It didn't go any further than that night though. He was still recovering from a bad relationship and by the time he thought he was ready she was with someone else and as usual the timing had fucked him over.

31st December 2010

She waited impatiently for the old dear in front of her to shuffle down the aisle and checked her watch again.  The bad weather had played havoc with flights and she had luckily managed to get the last seat on this one even though it meant a few hours drive to get to her final destination.  Just the thought of where she was going brought a warm smile to her face and she glanced down at her left hand where a huge diamond caught the light and winked back at her.  She hadn’t called him to come pick her up, one of them really should be at their engagement party on time.  She had called the one person, other than her fiance, who she knew would drive through the snow to come and get her without question.  Over the past two years he had grown to become her best friend, someone she could always rely on and she hoped he felt the same.  

Dean pulled in the parking lot of the airport checking his watch to make sure he wasn't late. She would probably bury him alive if she misses this party. He still couldn't believe she was engaged to Henry. He was a nice enough guy but Dean hated him. Fucking superhuman who had to be brilliant at everything. He couldn't even hold it against Y/N. Had he been a girl, he probably would have been falling head over heels for this guy. It was annoying just how perfect he was.

With her bag in her hand she finally made it off the plane and hurried through the airport, her eyes scanning the crowds to see if he was here already.  Leaning against a pillar with that same self satisfied smirk on his gorgeous face she slowed her pace and grinned.  Damn, she had missed him.  Wandering over she dropped her bag at his feet and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in for a tight hug.  “Miss me Winchester?”

He checked his watch for the tenth time in the hour as he waited for her to get out. They had a very bad snowstorm in the forecast and he wanted to reach the hotel before it started. He finally saw her, looking around for him as she waited for the old lady in front of her to get a move and he pushed himself off the pillar he had been leaning against. “Not a bit.”he said teasingly as he hugged her tightly betraying just what a big lie it was. “You sure you wanna go to this party? We can still run off. You have my support for that.”he said teasingly as he grabbed her bags and pulled her to his side, dropping a kiss on her forehead.

“You asking me to run off to Vegas with you Dean?” she chuckled.  So many times they had joked about that and she figured they always would.  It was their little ‘in’ joke.  

“I am. I am damn serious too. You sure you wanna spend the rest of your life with Mr stuffy pants?” he asked not really looking at her.  

Walking through the airport to the car park she hooked her arm around his waist and leaned into him.  He smelled gorgeous, as always.  She had tried to convince Henry to use a similar aftershave but he was a creature of habit and the new scent hadn’t stuck.  “Come on, we’ve got a party to get to before next year.”  

“Yeah, yeah. Why would you wanna spend time with poor old me now.”he grumbled as he opened the door for her before dropping her bag in the back seat.

Sliding into the passenger seat she rooted through her pockets and brought out a small box beautifully giftwrapped.  When Dean got into the car she handed it over to him with a smile.  “Happy Christmas.  I know I was away for work and I should have given you this before I left but...you can open it now.”  They had made a deal not to spend money on each other when it came to gifts and she had spent hours putting this gem together.  She bit her lower lip as she watched him strip the paper and her eyes lit up at his reaction.    

“Really? And here I thought you forgot me.”he said with a grin as he tore open the wrapping as hastily as he could. “Yours is in the backseat if you want.”he said with a small smirk as he looked up at her which froze as he realised what she had given him. She must have spent hours over it and now his gift kinda felt pointless. “This---this is amazing, y/n/n,” he muttered as he turned the tape over. “I don't even remember when was the last time someone made a mix tape for me.”he said with a grin as he took it out and replaced it with the current tape in his car.

Leaning over into the back seat she saw a hastily wrapped squishy package and grabbed it, sitting back down.  Taking care to unwrap it her eyes met the most hideous, deformed, one eyed batman teddy.  To anyone else this would have seemed like a really odd gift but to her this was the sweetest thing she had ever received.  Just over a year ago they had been ditching work and hanging out at an old arcade, eating junk food and wasting quarters.  She had kicked his ass three times in a row on the air hockey when they had spotted the claw machine.  They had definitely wasted far too much money in that thing but ultimately Dean had been triumphant and this ugly little bastardised version of a superhero was the result.  She had begged and begged him to let her have it but he just held it high over his head and laughingly refused.  Holding it now in her hand her eyes began to fill.

He glanced at her and saw her frozen, with a blank face. “Okay I know it's not much but I thought it was time I passed it on. Making sure you don't forget me once you are Mrs superhuman.”

She leapt across the seat and wrapped her arms around him, burying her head in the crook of his neck as she smiled.  “I love it! It’s perfect!  It will have pride of place right next to my bed and I will take it everywhere with me.”  

Dean gasped in a surprise before a chuckle escaped her lips his hand coming to her head and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. “Hmmm, don't go off too far where I can't reach you.” he said softly as he let a sigh out. What was he doing here? He should just drive her to the hotel and keep his mouth shut before he said too much. Timing never seemed to be right for them and now she was engaged. She had slipped out of his fingers because he waited too long and he couldn’t blame anyone for that but himself. “Come on, let's get going before we get caught in the storm.”he muttered not meeting her eyes.

As they headed out of the carpark she scooted over and rested her head on his shoulder.  “You do realise we will be spending quite a lot of time together.” She hummed, a little nervous about how he was going to take her next suggestion.  “I was kinda hoping you would be my best man/maid of honour which means you are my go to for weddingy things.  You’ll need to come help me pick out a dress and because Henry is super busy at the hospital I think I can safely say there will be free cake for you, lots of cake.”  Sitting up she looked at him hopefully.  “Come on Batman, there’s nobody I would rather have by my side on my big day.”  Henry was amazing.  A doctor who came from money and was kind and clever and witty and looked damned good in a suit.  Being with him sometimes made her feel like she was playing at being a grown up, there was no doubt that her life with Henry would be very mature and happy.  She would still rely on Dean for the silly, slightly immature moments where she would laugh until her face ached.

Dean felt his body tense up. He was doing everything he could to keep as much distance from the wedding as he could and now she was pushing him right in the middle of it. So while Mr superhuman saved the world he would be organising his wedding with the girl he was in love with since the day he met her. So fucking wonderful. “Really? Wouldn't Charlie be a better option? And Jess. You could have all the girls night out and the bachelorette party? I mean I don’t exactly fit in on that scene.”he said as lightly as he could. He was strong but only as much. He couldn't do this. Help her chose the wedding dress and then stand next to her as she married someone else. His grip on the steering wheel tightened a little and he let out a shaky breath. Besides, he was pretty sure Henry wasn't fond of him either. The dislike was mutual which y/n either ignored or wasn't aware of it.

She nodded along with his words and placed her head back onto his shoulder trying to fight back the disappointment.  It would have been easy to ask Charlie but she was really looking for an excuse to spend as much time with him as she could while she could.  Between work and planning the wedding and the moments she got to spend with Henry she was pretty stretched and she figured once she was married it wasn’t like Dean would be coming over for pizza and netfix nights.  For one Henry would not approve.  She was aware that he tolerated Dean in her life because that had been the only argument they had ever had.  This was a friendship she would fight for.  “Okay, fine.  I’ll let you off and I will ask Charlie but remember you got first refusal alright.”  She was glad he couldn’t see her face because she was sure that her feelings were written across her face.  “You’ve got to be the stripper for my bachelorette party though.” she joked.  

He could hear the disappointment in her voice. He didn't even have to look at her to know that he had hurt her. “Y/n/n, i---I can't.”he tried to explain but what could he say and not reveal how he really felt. He wasn't going to be the reason to ruin this for her. She was clearly very happy about it otherwise she wouldn't have said yes to him in the first place, right? “You sure you could handle me stripping? I am pretty good at it.”he said teasingly nudging her slightly knowing she was sulking a little. He let out a sigh, running a hand through his hair before glancing at her and then back at the road. “Things are gonna change, aren't they?”he asked quietly his hand reaching for hers and threading their fingers together.

“We’re growing up Dean.  Things are gonna change but I don’t want to lose you.”  She squeezed his fingers between hers and watched as the first snowflakes began to fall, hitting the windscreen.  “Can I ask you something?  You need to be completely honest with me though.  Promise me you will be honest.”  She hesitated, knowing that if anyone would tell it to her straight it would be Dean.  

“Y/N/N, I am always going to be around for as long as you want me. Nothing is going to change how I feel about you and us.”he said softly, squeezing her hand. “Yeah. Of course. When have I ever lied to you?”he asked. Well, besides in that moment he really hadn't lied to her and that moment didn't count because if he didn't lie he would ruin her wedding and as much as he hated it she did deserve the best and, well, Henry was perfect and he hated him for that. Why couldn't he focus on studies when his mom was on his ass? Instead he had to click pictures like an idiot.

“Am I doing the right thing?  I mean, I love Henry and we would have adorable children and life would be easy and… you’ve seen us together, am I still me when I’m with him?”  She frowned, her nose scrunching a little as she thought aloud.  “It’s probably just being away from him for the holidays right?  I mean, I sent you all those snapchats from the bar and me being, well, me but I didn’t send them to Henry.  He hasn’t even got snapchat.  He says it’s for the kids and he’s probably right but you know I can’t give up that dog filter.” shrugging she let out a sigh. “I don’t know.  I’m just rambling.”

“Sweetheart, no one but you can say if you are doing the right thing or not. Does he make you happy? Like crazy happy that you feel like you are on a high and are never gonna come down? You never want to come down.”he asked before he paused at her next question. He could either lie which she would catch in a second or be honest which he wasn't sure she wanted to hear. “Well, you are you…. Just less of you? I mean you hide a side of you because you know he doesn't like it.”he said softly not looking at her and staring at the road ahead. “Fuck. I had hoped we would be at the hotel before this started.”he grumbled as he started at the snow falling before glancing at her. “You think you are completely yourself with him? You don't hide any part of you? No matter how silly or embarrassing it is? That's love for me. Being completely yourself with the person. Being your silliest self. Showing a side the rest of the world doesn't even know exists, you know?”he said softly, “and if you have that with him then you are fucking lucky because it's so goddamn hard to find. All people these days do is try to change you and fit you in a box they think you should be in.”he said before shrugging and shutting up realising he had already said too much.

Thinking about his words, he was just saying what she had been thinking.  She did love Henry, he was wonderful and reliable and ideal husband material and yet… “Have you ever had that?  Someone who makes you feel so happy you could just burst?”  Henry made her smile, he made her laugh.  True he wasn’t the type who would dance around the kitchen in his pants while they made pancakes but every relationship has compromise.  “There are like two sides to me.  There’s the grown up, travelling the country for work, attending dinner parties, doctors fiance part and then there’s the will eat virtually anything for a dare, lipsync battle, taking photos of animals that remind me of famous people part.  You can’t be both.  I’ve...I’ve been working on a new set of books.  They’re for kids and… I don’t know.  You’re the first person I’ve told.  I can channel the silly into my work but… I get the feeling Henry will see it as just another of my silly little projects.  He says that affectionately though you know, not all condescending and judging.”  The snow was falling heavily now and the weather combined with the darkness of the evening was making the road difficult to see.  

Dean listened to her quietly and honestly he had so much to say to her but right then he had other things to worry about. The snow was falling hard and while talking to her he was afraid he had taken a wrong turn and now he couldn't see shit. “Not to alarm you or anything, y/n/n, but I think we might be lost.”he muttered as he slowed the car down and tried to figure out where they were but with all the snow around them everything looked goddamn same. “oh, for fucks sake. This can't possibly get worse.”he groaned as the snow fall just got heavier and the moment those words left his lips he regretted him because his car, his baby just shut down. “No, no, no. Come on.”he groaned as he tried starting the car and trying to ignore y/n who was having a mini Meltdown next to him.

“What do you mean we’re lost?  We can’t be lost! We have to get there! People are waiting for us!”  She was switching between staring at the snow and staring at Dean.  A panic was building in her chest and her breathing rate increased.  She grabbed his leg when the car cut out.  “Dean.  Please tell me you can get us out of this.”  Taking her phone out of her pocket she tried to fire off a text but it failed to send due to lack of a signal.  “Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?  Okay.  Okay. Okay okay okay okay.  No need to panic right.  You’re alright, I’m alright, we’re alright.  We can figure this out right?  Dean tell me we can figure this out.”  Her eyes were wide as she sought reassurance.  

Dean swallowed hard not really sure how to break it to her that they were stuck there. He doubted anything was there for miles. He tried to make the GPS work on his phone but there was no fucking signal on his phone either. “Y/n/n calm down okay? I am gonna try make the car work.”he mumbled as he zipped up his jacket and opened the door groaning as the chilly air hit his face. “Stay in.”he called as he closed the door behind him and opened the hood of the car and tried to figure out what was wrong but it was too fucking cold and there was no way he could fix it there. He couldn't even focus enough to find what was wrong.

“y/n I couldn't… I am sorry.”he stuttered as he climbed inside and was practically shivering. He didn't even have the heat in the car anymore. “I fucking hate snow storms.”he groaned running his hand through his hair and trying to figure out a way to get her to the engagement party. She was going to hate him for the rest of their lives. “I am sorry, y/n.”he said, his teeth chattering as he glanced at her hesitantly.

Her mind was running a mile a minute.  As he climbed back into the car she could see he was shivering and instinctively shuffled over to him and wrapped her arms around him, rubbing her hands up and down his arms in an attempt to warm him up while she thought.  “Right.  So.  The car won’t start, it’s snowing heavily, there’s no chance of us walking anywhere in this weather and neither of us has phone signal.  We do have snacks and water and… you still keep a blanket in the back?”  This was far from ideal but it’s not like someone died.  Yes the chances of getting to the party was swiftly becoming non existent and she knew Henry would not be happy that she was missing the party with Dean.  “Warmer?  Shit. shit, shit, shitting shit it.  So what?  We sit this out?  Hope the snow stops and we can walk somewhere, find help?  I can’t promise you that I’m not gonna totally freak out, just, just talk to me about something other than how we are stuck in a cold car in a snowstorm.”  She reached over to the back seat and grabbed the blanket before looking back at Dean blinking back tears.

Dean didn't know what to say as she tried to warm him up, her arms around him while she freaked out and he wanted to comfort her but he had no words. He closed his eyes, his head falling back on the seat as he tried to think of a way out while she wrapped the blanket around them and he heard the slight quiver in her voice that made him open his eyes and he looked at her trying to fight back tears.

“Y/n/n, come here.”he whispered pulling her in his lap and wrapping his arms around her, his face buried into her neck. “You really wanna know what I think?”he asked softly, his arms rubbing her back soothingly as he thought his words over. “You aren't two people. You are one person who enjoys both sides of the coin. Being mature and going to dinners and attending photography exhibitions while sipping on champagne and you also happen to enjoy bunking work and spending a whole afternoon in an arcade playing silly games. Those two sides together make you, you. Not one or the other and if Henry can't accept you as a whole then I don't think he deserves you. The fact that he takes what you do as a living as one of your silly projects makes me so fucking mad because it's not easy---any of it and I am so fucking proud of you and what you have achieved after struggling for so long and that's how he should feel. If he is embarrassed by what you do or your silly side then he needs to kicked in the balls.”he said softly knowing this was not what she wanted to hear right now but he couldn't lie to her.

“Can I ask you something now?”he asked softly and when she didn’t object he took a deep breath before phrasing his question. “If you had a choice. To share your life with anyone. Literally anyone would you still chose Henry?”

The question surprised her.  Pulling back she frowned at him.  “Well Chris Evans won’t return my calls so…” she shrugged before smiling sadly at her friend.  “Henry is a good man and I love him.  You can’t spend your whole life waiting on a pipe dream.  At some point you’ve gotta live in the real word right?”  There had been a time she had thought she and Dean might… it just wasn’t meant to be, the timing was never quite right and then she had met Henry.  Kind, sweet, grown up Henry.  She shivered and pulled the collar of her jacket up a little more, snuggling into steal her friends body heat.  

“You know what I mean.”he said dryly, rolling his eyes at her as she snuggled into him and he tightened his arms around her as he listened to her talk and suddenly it hit him. He had truly lost her. She was in love with the guy and there wasn't anything he could do and with those three words his heart silently broke into million pieces and he swallowed the lump in his throat barely reacting to what she was saying as he buried his face in her neck. He knew what came next. He wasn't strong enough to see her with someone else. He just wasn't strong enough and she would hate him for what he is was going to do but there really wasn't any other option for him. Maybe one day he would run into her and could explain how madly in love he was in with her and seeing her with Henry was just something he couldn't do.

“I think there comes a time when you just want to finally settle down.  Have someone to wake up next to every morning and argue about bills with.  Someone to dry while you wash up.  I am fully aware that Henry works all the hours god sends so I will probably be doing all that by myself but...  So what if our love isn’t something explosive and all consuming.  Not every kiss comes with fireworks does it.  I could wait my whole life to find that again and be miserable or I can let go of that fantasy and be happy.”  she sighed, realising she actually sounded far from happy.

Dean froze a little at her words wondering if she meant what he thought she meant. “What if every kiss could be fireworks? What if you didn't have to let go of that fantasy. Would you leave him?” he asked quietly as he pulled back to look at her very aware of the fact just how close she is was and how he just had to lean in a little to capture her lips in a kiss. A kiss long overdue.

Her eyes met his and she searched them, trying to understand what he was asking.  “Are...are you asking what I think you are?  Because if you are then what the fuck Dean?”  She slid off his knee and folded her arms over her chest as she tried to get her head around the possibility that he might mean him.  “Is this because I’m engaged?  You just don’t want to lose your partner in crime so you...you…”  her words trailed off as the tears began to flow down her cheeks.  “Don’t play with me Dean.  I waited for you and you went off with Jenny and then Amy, you made it perfectly clear that we were just friends so now, now you…” She looked at him with such heartbreak in her eyes.  Why the hell had he not said something sooner?  Maybe this was just a joke.  Maybe he had been talking metaphorically and hadn’t meant himself at all and now she was making a complete tit of herself. Biting her bottom lip she forced herself to look him in the eye.

What had he expected? That she would fling her arms around him and tell him she loved him too. He was nothing in front of Henry. What he hadn't expected were the words coming out of her lips and his jaw hardened. It felt like someone had stabbed him right in the heart and was very slowly twisting the knife. “Never realised you think that lowly of me. That I would try to break your engagement off over… you know what? Nevermind. Henry is perfect for you.”he muttered as he passed her the blanket and decided to give the car another try. He knew if he stayed in there with her, he would end up screaming at her. He had never been angry with her. Not like this. It was like she didn't even know who he was anymore. “Yeah, those were flings, y/n. Didn't realise you wanted to be one. I was actually going to ask you out but that day you introduced us to Henry. Would have asked you out a lot earlier but back then you decided to sleep with Gabriel. So you are allowed to have a fucking break----to recover from a bad relationship and I am not? You know what. Nevermind. I don't even know why I said anything. It's not like I could be good enough for you. Not after Henry.”he said with a snort as he got out of the car and slammed the door shut.

This was a mistake. He never should have come to pick her up and should have totally ditched the engagement and the wedding and gotten drunk with his friends and maybe gone to a strip bar he thought as he popped open the hood again. He didn't care if he even froze that night. He was not moving until this car started again.

She was fuming now as he slammed the door.  Taking a deep breath she opened her own door and slammed it as she stormed over to the front of the car, totally oblivious to the cold.  “Fuck you Dean.  What the fuck do you mean ‘not after Henry’?  Why don’t you just fucking man up and be honest with me?  I asked you if you thought I was doing the right thing marrying Henry.  Honestly.  I want a straight answer and I want to know why you think that.”  She pushed her way to stand in front of his and stared at him, waiting for his answer.

Dean wanted to just keep quiet but he just didn't know how. “You still wanna know after everything I have said? Fine! You are making the biggest fucking mistake of your life. You know why? Not because I love you but because he doesn't! He loves this edited version of you who he can flaunt around to his colleagues and at functions! Hell you haven't even told him about your book which is a big fucking deal because you know he would brush it off. It's not worth mentioning for him. Because he thinks he is above everyone. Why? Because he is a fucking doctor and rest of us, what we do and our passions don't fucking matter because they aren't saving lives. Is that how you wanna spend your life? Locking a part of you away. A huge fucking part of you because he is embarrassed by it and I have seen him talk to you, y/n. He isn't being affectionate. He is patronising you and belittling you and trust there have been enough times I wanted to beat the fucking shit out of him!”he yelled, “There. I said it. Happy!? Now get the fuck out of my way so I can fix this piece of junk and drop you off at your engagement party!”

She was staring at him with a soft expression on her face.  In truth she hadn’t heard most of what he’d said.  “You love me?”  her words were quiet, barely louder than a whisper but from the look on his face she knew he had heard her.  Her lips twitched up in a lopsided smile, her eyes twinkling in the darkness.  “Ask me again.  Don’t look at me like that just...just ask me again if I  had the choice of anyone in the world to share my life with.  Ask me again Dean.” Her hands rested on his chest as her teeth chattered in the cold, snowflakes landing in her hair as she waited for him to speak.

Dean let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes. He had promised himself he won't lose it and here he was shouting at her in the middle of nowhere. He looked at her warily , licking his lips not really wanting to say those words again and face rejection. It had to be some sort of record. Being rejected twice in ten minutes but when could he ever say no to her.

“If you had a chance to spend your life with anyone, would you still chose him? If you had a chance to spend your life with me. Would you still chose Henry? Me over The guy who has it all. Money, great lifestyle, saves people. Is mature and is like fucking perfect. ”he asked quietly his eyes never leaving hers as he waited for her to throw this back in his face but he just couldn't keep it to himself anymore.

Her breath caught as she allowed his words to wash over her.  It wasn’t even a choice really.  She brushed the melting snowflakes from his cheek and raised up on her tiptoes until their noses were almost touching.  “Every time.”  she whispered.  “I would chose you every single fucking time Dean.”  Her eyes filled with tears and she tried to blink them away.  “I had given up on you.  Thought we’d missed our chance.  At any point… all you ever needed to do was tell me how you felt, it’s always been you Dean.  I think that’s why Henry doesn’t really like you, because I have been in love with you from the moment we met.”

Dean froze not having expected that. Did she really mean it? How could she? He was nothing in front of Henry. They were polar opposites. “I thought you were happy with him.”he whispered as he wiped away her tears and pressing kisses on her cheeks. “Hey, don't go stealing my lines.”he said lightly as he made her look at him.  “I am, deeply, madly, crazily in love with you and always have been.”he said before he pressed his lips to hers, his arm coming around her waist and pulling her snuggly against him as their lips moved together in sync like they had been doing it for the millionth time. “Y/n, don't marry him.”he said softly against her lips before pressing another deep kiss to them not really caring that they were out and covered in snow.

Dean closed the hood of the car without breaking the kiss as he pushed her towards the door and had her pressed between him and the car as he deepened the kiss, his hands roaming all over her while she tried to open the door.

Her hand scrambled over the door behind her as she tried to find the handle.  Eventually her freezing cold hand wrapped around it and as she opened the door to the back seat she pushed him inside before climbing in herself and slamming the door behind her.  As soon as it shut she was pressed against him again, her lips on his neck as her fingers fumbled with his shirt.  “Hang on.” She pulled away breathlessly and took off her engagement ring, dropping it into the front seat.  Turning back to him she raised an eyebrow.  “You sure you want to do this?”

Dean let out a groan of protest as she broke the kiss and pushed him inside but soon she was on top of him and his hands were slipping inside her shirt while her lips worked on his skin while she tried to get rid of his shirt. He froze at her words before shaking his head and flipping her over. “More than sure. Do you have any idea how long I have loved you for?”he asked as he pulled off her shirt and his lips were back on hers and he cupped her breasts, palming them through her bra while the other hand fumbled with the button on her jeans.

Her fingernails raked down his back and along his waistband before she quickly undid his jeans.  Their breath was foggy in the cold of the car but neither of them cared.  She just wanted to feel his soft warm skin against hers, wanted to feel him inside her when she wasn't drunk.  The only time they had actually done this they had both been pretty wasted.  Easing his jeans down over his hips she shimmied out of her own and let them drop into the footwell.  Feeling how hard he was against her thigh sent an instant heat between her legs and she knew there would be a damp patch in her panties.  Running her fingers up his back and into his hair her entire body reacted to his, moving together in sync as if this was a dance they had done a million times before.  Cupping his face her eyes found his.  “I love you.” She murmured breathlessly before bringing her lips to meet his in an intense and passionate kiss.

Dean groaned as he felt her nails digging into his back before she trailed her fingers up it and buried them in his hair. His lips were around her nipple, sucking and teasing it when she tugged at his hair bringing his lips to hers and he kissed her desperately. It had been too long since he had felt her under his fingertips like this. He trailed kisses down her neck, sucking on her sweet spot as he pulled off her jeans and panties in one go, too strung up to tease her. He needed to be inside her. Now.

He looked at her as she cupped his face telling him she loved him something he had waited so long to hear but he didn't have words to explain how much he needed her. Wanted her in his a life. So instead he kissed her back as deeply, their tongues gliding together while pouring every bit of emotion into the kiss as he slowly slipped inside her. A groan escaped his lips as her warmth surrounded him and he broke the kiss, burying his face in her neck. “You feel so fucking good, y/n.”he whispered trying to get some control over himself as he slowly started moving inside her.

Her eyes fluttered shut as she felt him fill her, pausing slightly to get accustomed to his size.  Her hips rolled to his, encouraging him to increase his pace, a gasp of pleasure escaping her lips as she revelled in the feel of him. Interlocking his fingers with hers she placed her arms above her head and looked him directly in the eye as their bodies moved together in sync.  This was more than just a passionate fuck in the back seat of a car, this was slow and sensual and although she wasn’t a fan of the term it would definitely fall into the ‘making love’ category of sex.  Meeting each and every one of his thrusts she felt the pressure building in her core as his deep, deliberate movements sent her to the brink of the most intense orgasm.  “I love you Dean.” she gasped breathlessly.  Leaning up slightly she pressed her lips to his, moaning into his mouth as a tsunami of pleasure rolled through her.

Her hips met his with every thrust and all what was heard was skin in skin and their moans filling the car as his pace fastened and his thrusts got harder. His grip on her hand tightened as the pressure started building up inside him and he knew he won't last long. “Y/n/n, look at me.”he whispered just as they both reached their Climax and he couldn't take his eyes off her as she lost herself in him and he pressed his lips to hers in a deep kiss. “I know,”he whispered nudging his nose against hers before pulling away as he grabbed the blanket from the front seat and wrapped it around them with her laying on top of him.

Resting her head on his chest and listening to his rapid heartbeat she smiled to herself.  Sure she had been happy to settle with Henry but here, right here in Deans arms is where she felt she truly belonged.  Sure there would be the awkward conversations and lord knows her mother would never forgive her but here in their little bubble, wrapped in each other's arms beneath a blanket as the snow fell outside and the distant sound of fireworks rang out, none of that other stuff mattered.  Moving so her face hovered above his she lightly brushed his nose with the tip of hers. “Happy New Year Dean.” She murmured, pressing a tender kiss to his lips.

He knew they were screwed over. There would be lot of talk and fights but in that moment he didn't care as the fireworks went off and her lips were on his and he was kissing her back. “I love you.”he whispered against her lips before pressing his lips to hers again.

Tags:  @cojootromuelle @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @like-a-bag-of-potatoes @chaos-and-the-calm67 @its-my-perky-nipples@mysaintsasinner @percywinchester27 @neeadinghugs@imamotherfuckingstar-lord

[deans-mind-palace]

Suspirium (Pt.7)

Pairing: Prof!Sam x Reader

Summary: You’re in your last year of your Classics and Mordern Languages studies and you’re majoring in Latin and English. Then you get assigned to a different Latin teacher. And damn, he loves his subject. Too bad that he’s also hot. What is just a childish crush soon develops into something way more complicated.

Word Count: 

Warnings: Fluff and not-so-slowburn-anymore

Author’s Note: Chapter 7. Had a hard time writing this. 

Like always, my tag lists for Sam (thereby also for this story) are OPEN

Or you catch up here: Suspirium - Masterlist

You and Sam had not talked about this incident in his car, even after he wrote you that he had arrived home safely. Your thoughts weren't with Sam either, though they probably should be. Instead, you stared at the screen of your cell phone as if paralyzed.

Adam: We have to talk!

Your throat was dry and you swallowed while gasping for air. How did he get your fucking number? You made sure you burned all the bridges behind you when you left that night. How the hell did they find you after four years? You slumped down on the wall and your phone fell out of your hand. Two days had passed since the news. Two fuckin' days you could've dreamt of Sam's lips, but here you were, sitting on the edge of a cliff, having a panic attack.

You moistened your lips because they were dry as dust. Only a few hours ago Sam's lips were on top of yours and now your small, intact, hard-won world was about to collapse like a house of cards. And all you could do was sit idly by and watch everything you had built up so hard break apart again.

If you didn't have other problems right now, it would fascinate you how fast life could turn. Just a moment ago you had kissed your professor and now, only twenty-four hours later, you were leaning against a wall as a sobbing mess. What irony of fate. "Optimum est pati quod emendare non possis. It is best to endure what you cannot change," muttered you Seneca's words softly. It was Saturday and you still had to write your term paper for Sam's class.

For a moment you thought about blocking Adam and simply deleting his message and then pretending that nothing had ever happened, but you knew that it was pointless. Adam was one of the most influential men in England, as was your father. If they wanted your number, they would get it. No matter what it costs. They all had enough money...

You spent the rest of the day writing at your work, trying not to give Adam a thought, nor to let her wander to Sam. Easier said than done. Especially when you were writing an essay for him. Although you tried it with a hot bath, with your favorite food and also a hot milk with honey, when that didn't help with tea, you slept badly at night. You and Sam had stopped texting, and you had a date for tomorrow. Your initial euphoria had ebbed and given way to the worry of how you would face him. Was it all just a mistake? A misunderstanding? Do you regret it? Did he regret it? Maybe you should just say that something came up and Sunday didn't work out? All those doubts were playing havoc with your head.

The night was restless, and you could barely get an eye closed. Again and again you woke up at the slightest noise. You rolled around in your bed until your blanket and pillow were at the foot of the bed, then you were too cold again. In the end, you slept only a few hours, which hardly contributed to your recovery. While you almost fell asleep with your head in your breakfast, you thought about whether you should tell someone. You had never told Maddie or Brooks about your past. And there was no one else. You stared wearily at the murky liquid in your coffee cup.

In a few hours you would have to show up at Sam's house and even though you didn't feel much joy, deep down you were happy to see him again. You spent a quiet day until your appointment and started getting ready for the meeting in the afternoon. You packed your manuscript and a few minutes later Sam wrote you his address.  

It wasn't hard to find. In fact, the apartment was only two blocks from yours, so you got there way too soon. You were just thinking about going for a walk, but by then, Sam's door was ripped open and he beamed at you. "Hey there, Y/N. Come in." With a smile, he stepped aside and let you in. And you felt a warm feeling in your heart. You looked around a little bit. It was a small but comfortable apartment. A bit sporadic, just like most men's apartments. The kitchen was open and led into the cosy living room, which like his office, was littered with bookshelves. In the middle was a big flat screen, which didn't quite fit into the picture. The hallway was divided from the living area by an open room divider. On a chest of drawers were some pictures of Sam and his brother. Next to them was a blue-eyed man with brown hair, around whom they had both wrapped one arm. The brothers were wearing band shirts and behind them the crowd of a concert could be seen. The picture was a bit blurred and while the two brothers were celebrating frolicsomely with beer in their hands, the third man seemed to feel a bit uncomfortable. He threw a reserved, almost shy smile into the camera and seemed calmer than his companions. Sam's eyes fell on the picture and he smiled, but said nothing.

Before you could look around any further, a scent rose up your nose and made your mouth water. Sam laughed when he saw your dreamy look. "I made pineapple chicken." You looked at him in surprise. "Well, it's the only dish I don't burn. I didn't want to risk serving you something burnt, so I better played it safe." You started to laugh. " Pineapple chicken is perfect." Sam was smiling. "Very good. So make yourself comfortable and make yourself at home." he instructed you, and an egg timer began to chime. "Isn't there anything I can do to help?" you asked, feeling somewhat useless and lost in the room. But Sam shook his head, causing a few brown streaks to fall on his face. "At least let me set the table," you asked and Sam nodded. "All right, then. Come with me, I'll show you where everything is."

While Sam pulled the nice smelling chicken out of the oven and turned it over, you set the table. Sam hummed to himself as he worked and reminded you once again how good it felt to be around him. The table was set, but Sam had insisted on having some wine. The problem was that the glasses were on top of the cupboard. You weren't little, but this was a household of a giant. "Sam?" "Huh?" "I can't reach the wine glasses." A throaty laugh rang out before Sam came into the kitchen. Before you knew it, he was standing right behind you. His body radiated a pleasant warmth and his aftershave enveloped you in a cloud. He was so close that you could feel his breath on the back of your neck. He had trapped you between the kitchen counter and his body and when you tried to turn, your nose almost touched his. "Wait." Suddenly you felt two strong hands on your hips lifting you up. After making a startled sound, you began to chuckle and fished two wine glasses from the shelf.

After Sam dropped you off, you turned to him again and you began to think about the kiss two days ago. None of you had mentioned it before... If you had wanted to, you could have counted the brown speckles in his green eyes, that's how close you were. You placed the wine glasses blindly behind you and his eyes followed your movements, because he still hadn't stepped back. The air crackled between you. You cleared your throat. "Will we talk about it?" you asked and could not suppress the hopeful undertone in your voice. Sam's eyes fixed you sharply and you turned inside under the gaze. "About what?" asked the brown-haired man and his voice sounded so deep and sensual that a shiver ran down your back. Even before you could answer, Sam bent over and pressed a quick kiss on your lips. Just long enough to get you hooked for more.

"You mean about that?" he asked as he withdrew with a mischievous grin to look at you. The guy knew exactly what he was doing to you and you wanted to give him a nasty look. You just managed to nod. He laughed softly and it was just a deep, sensual rumble in his chest. "Exactly." you brought out, but your voice almost broke. Hurriedly you buried your hands in his hair and pulled him towards you. A grin graced his lips as he paused just before your mouth and you whined in frustration. "Eager, are we?" he murmured. You scoffed, which made him laugh. This time it was up to you to bridge the gap between you. It was a passionate kiss, and Sam was so skilled, you couldn't get enough. You would have loved to kiss him all day long and with every kiss you would have forgotten your troubles a little bit more.

The egg timer ripped you apart rudely and you breathed heavily. You were still so caught in the feeling of Sam's lips that you couldn't open your eyes. You felt Sam's thumb stroke your lower lip and when you finally opened your eyes, Sam leaned his forehead against yours. His breath ghosted over your lips. You hated to break the silence between you two, but... "Sam, I think the food's about to burn," you muttered. Sam snorted. "Let it. I don't care." He sounded like a defiant child and that made you smile.

After a little persuasion, the food didn't burn after all and you talked the whole meal over. Sam was a superb cook, though he insisted it was the only dish he could manage. There was a familiarity between you that you had not felt in the presence of another human being for a long time. After everything was cleared away, you made yourselves comfortable on his sofa. Your legs were entangled and Sam held the manuscript over your heads as you discussed his notes. Now and then he would bend down and give you a kiss on the lips. None of you thought about university and all the people out there in the world who wouldn't like you. You wanted to freeze this moment forever. It was like a dream. Unfortunately, we all have to wake up from our dreams at some point...

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