#because buck pining is very much not believing eddie could love him back the same way

[sibylsleaves]

i love pining eddie so so so so so much with all my heart but if im being real with all of you i don't think eddie is ever pining over buck in the "he's with someone else i can't have him" way. i think deep deep deep down eddie knows that if he was honest with himself and honest with buck about what he wants buck would drop whoever and whatever to be with him.

especially in a post-bi realization world, i don't think eddie is ever like staring up at the ceiling wondering if buck loves him back. like in eddie's heart he knows buck is his. the pining is solely about eddie and eddie thinking he's broken and that on some level he deserves to be alone forever and that whatever choice results in the greatest possible suffering/punishment is the Correct one.

[matan4il]

You had an anon mention slow burns and also Luke and Lorelie. Firstly I agree with the messiness of S5a and S6a. I wrote to you a few weeks ago its just messy timelines and I hope if they get S7 they stop this pacing. I don't know alot about the other ships but I believe in Luke and Lorelie supremacy. However..... no joke it was torture watching it real time pre-tumblr.

Listen, it took them 5 seasons to get together. Really only one season of drama free being together. They spent more time married to other people then spent together. We got the pay off in the last 5 minutes of the finale. We won, so yeah. But that shit was torture every week. Tumblr posts would have been a mess back then if it was the same now.

And I bring all this up to get to my point. I sustained it all because I was relatively certain that this straight couple would make it, I was supposed to root for them. They were at the basis each other's rocks. Buck and Eddie still are straight or the very least believe the other is. That's not just angst to get over, that's a sexual identity crisis to get over.

And hopefully like Gilmore Girls they will. One day I can rewatch the same way I do now. Spoiler alert, wanted to cry when she married Chris in Paris, now I can throw popcorn at it and laugh. Just kidding, I still FF that part.

But again, I'm like you I can't promise it will go Canon. If it doesn't its because they are cowards. However in alot of ways there is a stronger case for Buck and Eddie being soul mates rather then Luke and Lorelie. Again I love L&L but still they were messy and heartbreaking to watch.

Hi lovely Nonnie! Thank you so much for the ask. As well for keeping up with my blog and repeatedly writing to me. I appreciate the vote of confidence! ;)

As for Gilmore Girls, I have to confess that while I’ve seen an ep here or there (I never got to see them in sequence, as you’re meant to, so I never got into the swing of things. I’ve seen enough to know some basic stuff, but not much more than that). So I can’t comment on Luke and Lorelai’s love story beyond the fact that they were OBVIOUS. I could see them coming from the first sec I saw them in a scene together. They were ALWAYS going to happen. The show couldn’t have been clearer about it. And yeah, this is what a slow burn means, if we’re being honest. A lot of torture along the way, because it’s meant to make the pay off at the end that much sweeter. Does it actually manage to do it? The answer varies between ships, and probably between fans of the same ship, too. But that’s the principal, the road is usually bumpy, some parts of it are delicious angst and pining, and screaming about how these bozos still don’t get it, but yeah, some parts of it are not that fun to travel.

My deepest sympathies for going through all of that for Luke and Lorelai! I hear you, and I hope you still got to enjoy at least some of the pay off at the end of it all. I know how you feel. I went through 8 seasons for Keenler (BEWARE! SPOILERS for The Blacklist), and I can count the moments they were actually together on... let’s be generous and say two hands. But stupidly, it works. I treasure the moments that I did get all the more ‘coz I love how long and patiently and without demand Ressler waited for Liz. They had their messiness as well, but God, he loved her so profoundly. To see her realizing that and reciprocating his feelings was beautiful and worth it, even though I will forever wish they had more time together. But to tell you it was fun along the whole way? No. The parts of the story where Liz got back together with Tom were hell, seeing her re-committing herself to him was awful because HE was awful, in general and to Liz (so it wasn’t just as a Keenler shipper that I couldn’t stand that part of the show), and even when he was gone, there were almost two seasons where I survived on essentially one scene of comforting (but seemingly casual and platonic) touch. Slow burn is NOT for the faint of heart.

And you know what I love the most, Nonnie? Is that bit you threw in about Luke and Lorelai still having less in the way of ‘soulmate material’ than Buddie. Because I can actually make a LONG list of CANON couples that I absolutely ADORE that this is true for. And that’s exactly why we keep saying that if Buck or Eddie were a woman, they’d be inevitable, right?

Thank you again, have a great day! As always, here’s my ask tag. xoxox

[tsoanatural]

Your Eddie

Word Count - 1.2k

Rating - General Audiences

Thank you @morganofthefairies for beta reading my 2 am nonsense <3

Written for @911firstkissweek - Apart or Stuck Together

Read on ao3

Six months.

It had been six disgustingly long months now since Eddie had been suddenly called up from the reserves and shipped across the globe to get shot at.

Six months since Buck had seen his best friend.

Six months since he was entrusted with the most precious thing in Eddie’s life, his son.

Six months since the waiting for intermittent calls off a satellite phone that was both Buck’s salvation because Eddie was still alive, and his destruction because the silence after would be deafening.

Six months of having to tell Christopher that he didn't know when his dad was coming home or if he was even okay.

Six months of constantly whirling around to share whatever just happened with Eddie to realize that he wasn’t there and was instead across the world getting shot at.

Not that he was pining. Because he wasn’t.

But none of his missing but not pining for Eddie mattered anymore, because Eddie was coming home today. And there was absolutely nothing that could take that away from him.

Buck had practically vibrated the whole way through the twelve-hour shift that morning, blue eyes brighter than they had been in a long time and his trademarked lopsided smile making its famed reappearance.

And so Buck found himself sitting on a bench just outside the international entrance waiting not so patiently for Eddie’s plane to land.

“Who are you waiting for, young man?” A voice asked, startling Buck back into the moment.

An elderly woman had snuck up on Buck and managed to take the seat next to him without him noticing.

“My, uh,” Buck didn’t have an answer. After all, Eddie wasn’t just his friend or his best friend for that matter. Without a good answer, Buck just replied, “Eddie.”

( More under cut )

“And how long has your Eddie been gone?” Buck didn’t miss the way she said it or the sly but knowing smile she sent him.

“Uh, six months,” Buck’s back straightened, a strange form of pride filling him. “He’s an army medic.”

“My husband was in the army,” the lady murmured fondly, memories seeming to flash through her bright, green eyes. She squeezed Buck’s knee, smiling sadly. “I remember those months apart were some of the worst months of my life.”

“Yeah, it hasn’t been fun,” Buck admitted, But Christopher and I got through it together.”

“And Christopher is your son?” The woman cocked her head to the side, the sad smile shifting to a happy-sad.

“No, no,” Buck’s typical talking about Christopher smile broke across his face, marking the second piece of him returning after so long. “He’s Eddie’s kid, I was just taking care of him while Eddie was away.”

“Mmm,” the woman hummed, looking at Buck like she knew something he didn’t.

“What?” Buck laughed. He was enjoying talking to this woman and he’d already told this lady enough of his life, might as well go for it.

“He asked you to watch his child for six months while he went off to war and you just said yes?”

“What? No!” Buck refuted, brushing the idea away. “He didn't ask. I offered.”

This did not take the woman by surprise as Buck had expected. Instead, she just bluntly asked, “And how long have you been in love with your Eddie?”

“I’m not—“ Buck stammered, wringing his hands together. Him? In love with Eddie?

“Son, you don’t have to lie to me.” The lady looked at Buck, but not with any of the emotions he’s expected from a stranger. It was a knowing, soft smile.

“I—“ The words died in his throat. He wanted to tell this woman that he wasn’t in love with Eddie, but the words wouldn’t come out. Because they were lies.

Because he was in love with—

Him.

He was dressed in army fatigues and looked a little rough around the edges, but there was no mistaking him.

Eddie.

All the sounds and noises of the busy airport faded away as Buck surged forward, switching into autopilot mode to decrease the distance between them.

There was about a foot between them when Buck stopped, his body unable to go any farther as the woman’s words echoing in his head.

Buck realized he should probably say something, rather than just staring at Eddie, but he couldn’t. His brain was still waiting for something and until then, he was stuck.

Eddie’s hair was shorter than he remembered and a tension and weight rested on his shoulders that Buck didn’t recognize, but he was here and he was alive and when he said Buck’s name the glass ceiling shattered.

For the second time that day, Buck’s body acted of its own accord. He closed the gap between them and the next thing Buck knew, he was kissing Eddie with all the force of four years of repressed emotions and six months of need and fear.

For a half-moment, Eddie didn’t react and Buck thought he was making the biggest mistake of his whole life.

And then the thunk of Eddie’s bag dropping to the floor echoed through the room and Eddie’s hands were pulling Buck closer by the waist and he was kissing Buck.

Every nerve in Buck’s brain began firing like mad, electricity flowing through him. The whole world could have exploded and it wouldn’t have mattered because Eddie was back and he was alive and he was kissing Buck in the middle of a crowded airport at two in the morning.

When they finally broke apart, Eddie’s shock filled face giving way to amusement as he smiled, breathlessly murmuring “Talk about a coming home present.”

“I’m sorry,” Buck stuttered, trying to back up as red filled his cheeks.

“Where do you think you’re going,” Eddie asked, voice almost a growl as he pulled them back together again.

They stayed like that for a moment before finally coming up for air.

“I missed you,” Buck admitted, pressing his forehead to Eddie’s in an attempt to convey just how much he meant it.

‘I missed you too,” Eddie whispered, tightening his death grip on Buck’s shirt. They didn’t speak for a while, just held onto each other like the other was their only lifeline. Which—at that moment—wasn’t too far off.

After a few intense moments, Eddie broke the spell, murmuring, “But if this is what I come home to, I should make you miss me more often.”

“Haha, not funny Eddie,” Buck laughed, grabbing Eddie’s bag off the floor.

“I can carry my own bag, Buckley,” Eddie teased, some of the tension in his shoulders starting to fade away but his grip on the hem of Buck’s shirt remained relentless.

“I got it,” he dismissed, using his other hand to grab onto Eddie’s hand with the same death grip. They walked towards the doors, stopping only for Buck to nod and smile thanks at the woman.

She just smiled back fondly, shouting “Tell your Eddie welcome home for me!”

“Your Eddie?” He smirked, bumping their hands into Buck’s side. “A little presumptuous, isn’t it?

“Nope, you’re mine and you're stuck with me,” Buck fired back, popping the p like a child. “Now soldier, I do believe there’s a very excited nine-year-old waiting for us.

Swinging their joined hands, Eddie just smiled at the dork he had chosen to love. “Take me home, Buck.”

[sugarandspace]

In Their Own Bubble (Buddie)

Summary: The well rescue left Eddie uncomfortable with small spaces and absolutely hating the idea of being stuck somewhere. Things go south when Buck and Eddie get trapped in a small elevator while they are working.

Warnings: claustrophobia, panicking, vague mentions of being buried alive and nearly drowning

A/N: I found this tiny elevator (picture if someone wants to see how tiny it is) while working, and now literally every time I use that elevator I think of this fic idea. Shoutout to my friend Em (thatnerdemryn/@thatnerdemryn) who took this fic to a whole new level by saying that Eddie could be claustrophobic!

AO3

“... I’m going to take the stairs.”

“Don’t be silly,” Buck says and pulls Eddie into the elevator with him. It’s a tight fit, especially with the bag of gear they have with them, but they both get crammed in. “It’s a short ride to the roof, we’ll manage.”

Then when the doors slide closed and they are alone, Buck adds with a quieter tone and a wiggle of his eyebrows, “Gives me an excuse to be close to you.”

And close they are. With Buck leaning on the wall opposite to the buttons, Eddie has to lean to the mirror at the back of the elevator so as not to accidentally touch them. Buck looks at the floor and wonders if their boots would touch if they tried to stand on opposite sides of the elevator. It’s very clear that the elevator was added after the building was built and they had to make do with the space they had. Buck is just glad they aren’t wearing their turnout gear, even in their regular uniforms their arms are touching despite them almost being at opposite corners.

“We’re at work,” Eddie says with a pointed look as if to remind Buck.

Their relationship is still fairly new, and they had agreed early on that they would give the department zero reasons to separate them. They both love the team they have and like being able to have each other’s backs while on call. They both know not to risk it for a few stolen kisses during a shift. They spent months pining after each other without knowing that the other felt the same, waiting until the shift is over to kiss the other might feel like torture sometimes, but it’s nothing compared to that. They can wait.

Plus, neither of them is really ready for all the teasing that would come if their team knew that they were together, so it’s better to keep it between them (and Christopher, of course) for now.

“Is this elevator even meant to carry this much weight?” Eddie asks, and Buck can see that his boyfriend looks visibly uncomfortable. He pushes away the joke that’s ready on his tongue and answers honestly.

“Even when we count both of us and the gear we’re carrying, there’s still a long way to the maximum weight this elevator allows,” he assures Eddie and leans towards him to affectionately bump shoulders. “It’s going to be fine.”

As if on cue, the elevator makes a loud noise and stops abruptly, making both of them jolt forward a little. Buck glances at the screen showing where they are and sees that they are currently stuck on the seventh floor.

“I’m sorry,” Buck says, a hundred percent sure his words combined with his shitty luck are the reason they are currently stuck in an elevator.

Eddie doesn’t respond, and Buck watches as he frantically tries to push the buttons on the elevator, trying to make it work.

“This can’t be happening,” he mutters to himself and moves to the doors, trying to pry them open with his hands, but the doors don’t move.

“Eds?” Buck asks, getting worried. Eddie doesn’t panic, like, ever, and seeing him like this is really making Buck worry.

“We have to get out,” Eddie says, and for the first time since the elevator stopped, he looks at Buck. Buck can see that he’s starting to sweat and his eyes don’t stay on Buck for long, desperately looking for another way out.

“We will,” Buck says. “It’s going to be okay.”

Buck presses on the button of his radio and speaks to it, “Hey Cap? Eddie and I won’t be able to make it to the roof. The elevator is stuck on the seventh floor.”

“Copy that,” Bobby replies. “We’ll get to you as soon as we’ve helped the victim.”

Bobby is talking about the man they were supposed to be helping, a man who had gotten his head stuck on a small window as he had tried to stick his head out of it to get some fresh air. The man was on a top floor where their ladder wasn’t going to reach, so Buck and Eddie were supposed to go to the roof where one of them could have been lowered down to help the man from the outside.

Their gear bag sits with them in the elevator, but Buck knows they have more in the truck. The team will be okay without them, it’s just going to take a while longer for them to help the man. Luckily the situation isn’t dire, the man isn’t in pain or in danger and he can wait a little longer.

Eddie, however? Buck’s not sure if he can wait.

“Copy that,” Buck replies to Bobby and then turns his attention to Eddie. His breathing is turning more panicked and he’s running his hand through his hair, obviously nervous. Buck’s been in an elevator with Eddie before, and the man has never expressed being afraid of them so it leaves Buck a little confused.

“Eddie?” He asks. “What’s going on?”

“We should be helping that man,” Eddie says, “Instead of being able to do our job we are stuck here.”

It’s not the real reason, but Buck doesn’t push.

“The team will help us,” Buck says and sits down. There’s not enough room for him to straighten his legs, so he sits cross-legged. It makes his knees hit the sides of the elevator and leaves Eddie even less room to stand.

“What are you doing?” Eddie asks, looking at Buck like he grew a second head.

“I’m sitting down,” Buck says. “There’s nothing we can do other than wait.”

Eddie doesn’t respond. He goes back to pressing the buttons and Buck can see that his hands are trembling. He reaches up to hold one of them, giving it a comforting squeeze.

“We’re safe here,” Buck says gently. “The elevators have a ton of safety measures that prevent them from falling. It’s not uncommon that they stop, but it’s very very rare that they fall. We’ll be okay until our team gets to us. After that, I’m sure they have a joke or two about having to save us but I think we’ll survive those too.”

Buck’s attempt at lightening the situation doesn’t help Eddie, it almost looks like he doesn’t even hear Buck’s words, and Buck wonders where his head has gone. He wants to help but he has no idea how.

“Talk to me Eddie,” he says, his voice gentle. He brushes his thumb across Eddie’s knuckles and squeezes, getting a strong grip in response.

“I don’t like being stuck,” Eddie says, and his voice comes out strained like he’s forcing the words out through gritted teeth. “When I was in the well I-”

Eddie’s words get cut off by a strangled gasp and suddenly Buck knows exactly why Eddie is reacting so strongly to this.

“Hey,” Buck says and pulls on Eddie’s hand, trying to urge him down with him. Because of the tight fit, Eddie ends up in Buck’s lap and Buck helps him get comfortable so that Eddie is straddling Buck and they are chest to chest, forehead to forehead

Buck knows that they wouldn’t want to be seen like this on the job, that if their coworkers were to see them now they would get exactly the type of teasing they are trying to avoid, but the need for comfort and the need to comfort override that. Buck can’t just stand there when Eddie is struggling, and if someone tries to make fun of them Buck will have a word or two to tell them. And their team are good people, Buck knows that they wouldn’t actually make fun of them if they saw how Eddie was feeling, and by now it would be clear to everyone, not just for Buck’s practiced eye.

“You are not there,” Buck says softly. He doesn’t need to talk loudly because Eddie has his face close, his forehead against Buck’s, and Buck wants Eddie to focus on his voice, wants to create a bubble around them that’s safe and calming. “You're not alone. We are getting out of here. The team knows that we’re here and they know exactly where we are. They are coming, all we need to do is wait.”

Buck has heard enough about how Eddie felt in the well - whispered conversations after a nightmare or on a particularly rainy day that makes Eddie space out in front of the window - to know exactly what boxes to tick while listing differences.

“It’s warm here,” Buck says and moves his hands up and down Eddie’s back, both to provide more warmth and to remind him that he’s not alone. “I’m here.”

Eddie’s hold on the back of Buck’s shirt gets tighter.

“I know that,” Eddie says, his voice scratchy. “Intellectually I know that I’m not there but-”

Eddie trails off and Buck finishes for him, “But sometimes it’s a little harder to make your brain believe it.”

He feels Eddie nod against his forehead.

Buck is familiar with the feeling. Gets that sometimes when they are spending time near the pier, or when they are on the street and there’s a sudden loud noise.

“Well, I’m going to remind it as many times as it needs,” Buck says. “But I need you to take a deep breath first.”

Eddie’s breaths are too shallow and too quick. Buck doesn’t know if it is because he’s panicking, or if he’s reminded of being underground in a hole that had a limited amount of oxygen, or underwater where all he had was what little he had in his lungs.

Buck leans up to kiss Eddie’s forehead before returning to their previous position, their foreheads against each other’s.

“Take a deep breath in,” Buck says and brushes his hand up Eddie’s back. When he feels the back move under his hand, he brushes it back down. “And breathe out.”

They follow the pattern until Eddie’s breaths get steadier and longer and when his breathing is calmer and he no longer seems to be panicking, Buck brushes his hand up into Eddie’s hair and guides his head to Buck’s shoulder so that they can share a proper hug. Eddie no longer has a death grip on the back of Buck’s uniform shirt, but his arms are sure around Buck’s back. Buck keeps his hand on the back of Eddie’s head while the other is around his waist, keeping him steady on his lap.

Eddie hides his face in the space between Buck’s neck and shoulder and Buck starts brushing his hand through the hair, hoping it brings Eddie comfort, that it reminds him that he’s not alone. For the same reason, Buck keeps talking.

“What do you want to have for dinner today?” Buck asks, his voice still gentle.

“You want to talk about dinner plans?” Eddie asks and Buck is happy to hear some lightness return to his voice, even if he stays hiding in the crook of Buck’s neck. “Now?”

“I want to give your brain something else to think about,” Buck says and turns his head a fraction to kiss the side of Eddie’s head. “So, what do you want for dinner?”

They stay like that, talking about dinner and Christopher and the plans they have for their next day off. Buck’s bad leg starts to ache at some point because it’s been in the same position for a while and Eddie is kind of heavy, but Buck doesn’t mention it. Eddie seems comfortable hiding like this, and Buck doesn’t want to disturb the calm bubble they have.

What does burst their bubble is the crackle of the radio, and Bobby’s voice that follows.

“We are at the elevator now,” he says. “We’re going to open the doors. The elevator is halfway to the seventh floor so you’ll have to climb out.”

“Copy that,” Buck replies. Then, to Eddie, “I guess that’s our sign to move.”

Eddie nods, pulling back from Buck, but only enough so he can leave a soft kiss on his lips.

“Thank you.”

Buck smiles in reply, “Anytime.”

Eddie gets up first, and Buck tries to follow. He can’t hide the grimace as he tries to put weight on his leg, and Eddie notices.

“Your leg,” he says as he helps Buck up. “It’s hurting?”

“It’s no big deal,” Buck says. “It was just in the same position for too long.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Eddie asks, his brows furrowed.

“I had more important things to focus on,” Buck says gently, to which Eddie replies with a fond look followed by a roll of eyes.

“Idiot,” he says lovingly.

Buck doesn’t have time to reply before there’s a loud noise and the doors are being pried open.

“The rescue is here,” Chimney says as soon as they can see him. “I thought you guys were supposed to be working, not give us more work?”

“We didn’t exactly plan this,” Buck replies.

“You sure?” Hen asks, and when Buck looks at her he notices that she’s looking between them, to where they are still holding hands. Buck looks up at Eddie and the first thing he pays attention to is Eddie’s messy hair.

He knows what this looks like and knows it’s not the truth, but he’s not going to tell them the actual truth either. It’s for Eddie to share if he wants to. He just gives Hen a shrug and pushes Eddie towards the doors, letting him get out first.

When Eddie is out, Buck lifts the gear bag out of the elevator and follows suit. Getting out is easy, it only requires a little upper body strength, but getting up to standing proves to be a little more difficult because of his leg. Eddie is by his side immediately, helping him up.

“You two okay?” Bobby asks. “Did you get hurt when the elevator stopped?”

“No,” Eddie says. “But Buck’s leg is hurting.”

Buck gives Eddie a betrayed look but Eddie replies with a raise of his eyebrows that either says ‘do you really think they didn’t notice’ or ‘do you really think I’d let you hide an injury’, Buck’s not sure which.

“It’s fine,” Buck says. “It was just a little tight fit in that elevator. It will be fine once I get to stretch it.”

“How awful to be stuck in such a tight space,” Hen says as they start walking to their truck, the others leading the way as Buck and Eddie walk behind them. “Having to be so close. How did you pass all that time?”

Buck knows what she’s trying to imply, but even though it feels tempting to tell them that they don’t need to speculate about when they will get together since they already are, it’s more rewarding to know it’s a secret. Something just for them.

Buck looks at Eddie where he’s walking beside him, biting his lip and looking troubled. He’s probably thinking about what actually happened in the elevator, and knowing Eddie he doesn’t like the vulnerability he showed while stuck there. He’s getting more comfortable with being more open with Buck, but the idea of the team finding out probably sounds awful to him.

Buck catches his eye and gives him a comforting smile and once he sees Eddie return the smile, he gives him a wink, a reminder of their not-so-little secret.

“Actually,” Buck starts. “We made plans for what to eat for dinner.”

Buck keeps talking all the way to the truck, telling the team about this new pasta recipe he tried over the weekend and how it was the best thing he’s ever eaten (not counting Bobby’s meals, of course), and it’s like any other call they’ve been to. Just before they get in the truck, Eddie reaches over to give his hand a quick squeeze, a silent thank you.

Buck smiles at him and gets to the truck, eagerly waiting for their shift to end.

Most days, keeping their relationship a secret at work is easy. On some, like today, it’s a little harder to keep the touches casual and to keep the affectionate words unsaid. But at the end of the day, it’s worth it so they get to be in their own bubble for a while longer.

[reachgirl]

On Buddie and them potentially being aware of their feelings

So we definitely see evidence of how Eddie might feel about Buck, how he clearly loves and trusts him. He absolutely relies on Buck a lot as someone who loves Christopher, as that person you go to who cares about your kid as much as you do. And he clearly doesn’t handle not having Buck around very well during the storyline that must not be named. 

He also looks at Buck like “you’re lucky you’re pretty”, a LOT. And he’s shown to think about Buck’s wellbeing and Buck’s feelings. For a guy who’s not usually great at ~the talking~, he seems to sense that Buck needs to hear him actually *say* things like that he trusts him, out loud. For Buck, someone who’s been told that he’s reckless and impulsive, not diligent, not reliable (and to be fair to Bobby, has been all those things at times, but is desperate to change that view of himself), to be told that he’s trusted - more than anyone else - with someone’s kid? That’s huge. And Eddie knew that he needed to hear that, he also knew that he needed to feel like part of something when Buck was depressed and hanging around at home after the truck bombing. And Eddie was the one who noticed Buck wasn’t around at the station. For Eddie, the fact that they “have each other’s backs” is so important, because, and it’s insane how this is not wishful thinking on the fandom’s part, he actually tells Shannon that she doesn’t have his back. So yeah, absolutely nobody is disputing that Eddie loves Buck.

And I’ve talked about how I believe that Eddie might be bi leaning towards more into men than women (his “not my type” and aunt pepa’s reaction to buck are the foundation for this theory), and his particular combination of upbringing, experience and location really messing with him admitting that to himself (Conservative religious culture, Texas, army, getting married young because of outside expectations). But many of the scenes we get from him could - FROM THE OUTSIDE - very well just show a guy who has a lot of love and respect (and occasionally some fond exasperation) for his best friend. Possibly more, but not in that active, pining way. Not like he’s truly aware of it, yet.

But Buck? He pretty much always looks at Eddie like he’s the best thing that has happened to him, ever, and he can’t believe his luck of getting to be around this man. The smile he constantly gives him, and - in seasons 2 and 3 - only him, is the actual “I want to sleep with you smile” from season 1 Buck. I don’t make the rules.

He constantly finds ways to help him out, reads up on things he knows Eddie is interested in or things that are for some reason something Eddie is dealing with (whether it’s baseball biographies or summer camp brochures), and absolutely always looks to him for approval anytime he does something well or remotely badass. Or even when he makes a joke. It’s almost like 95% of the stuff he does, he does so that Eddie will see.

He sees himself as part of Eddie’s family to the point of not feeling like he’s a guest at their house, he has proven he would actually die for Chris, and he spends much of his free time finding ways of making Chris, the most important person in Eddie’s life, happy. He shares in both the happy and the difficult parts of raising Chris, he gets involved in school problems, and he’s there for Eddie to talk through all the little things that come up when you’re a parent. Often times, with single parents, when the other parent isn’t around, the problem is that there’s nobody else in your life who shares the same love and enthusiasm or worry you have for your child. You could talk about everything relating to them for hours, but even the best meaning friends will at some point reach the limit of how interested they are. Not so with Buck.

But unlike Eddie, Buck is also aware, to a point, of how much he’s focused on Eddie. Where Eddie’s jealousy comes across as more spur-of-the-moment, not something he’s even aware of, Buck seems like.. he’s thought about how he feels about Eddie. Others definitely have. Maddie’s comment about his “man crush” aside, even a random christmas elf (long may she live) comments on it. Hen and Karen immediately agree Buck would invite Eddie, like, Karen knows about this even. Their reaction when Buck is acting irrational over how they might get Eddie out when he’s buried alive and most likely dead already is that reaction of “Oh fuck, this will break this person” that is usually reserved for the significant other or parent. Bobby definitely reacts to Buck in relation to Eddie the way a father would, carefully weighing being amused at how obvious he’s being, and concern over not wanting him to get hurt doing something stupid trying to save Eddie, or by falling for him when it might not be reciprocated. They all know that Buck’s a little (more than) smitten with Eddie. And Buck... of course he’s going to notice how his friends and family react. I think he’s been aware of it for a while and is constantly trying to navigate and balance this. 

Of course he hasn’t told his face about balancing anything at all yet, because look at that man’s face any time he looks at Eddie, look at that scene with the medal. He absolutely can’t help it. And sometimes it’s like he wants them to pick up on it - for example, pushing Maddie on the fact that he doesn’t consider himself a guest. And that’s completely understandable, sometimes you want people to pick up on something and maybe even comment on it (because their reaction reaffirms to you that maybe you’re not crazy) while also not wanting attention on that point. People are complicated like that. And Buck may be a himbo, but he’s complicated AF.

We get Buck being really weird about Eddie and Shannon in general - right off the bat. When Shannon shows up at the station and she and Eddie talk, Buck’s in the background and overhears that they’re sleeping together. He clearly struggles with this information, (and Chim possibly notices..) then he get’s real petty about them potentially getting married again (”Maybe you can get a discount”) - and he nopes out of the situation as quickly as he can - because he doesn’t want to risk saying anything snarky.

Then Chim and Buck go christmas tree shopping, and Chim comments on how Buck can’t let Eddie’s situation with Shannon go, and it’s true, he can’t stop himself. But when Eddie asks him for advice in front of the fountain (/metaphorical water penis as I like to call it), he’s suddenly all “I didn’t think it was my business” ... ok, sure, Buck. Then he basically tells Eddie to try and make it work with Shannon. In terms of character development, in a romance, this is the part where person A wants to be with person B but doesn’t think they have a chance, so makes the choice to try and settle for being their friend, which, heartbreakingly, involves pushing them into the arms of someone else.

Also, his kind of “oversharing” of Eddie’s situation with Ana to the rest of the team is, to me, a pretty clear indicator that the topic makes him uncomfortable and he’s trying a Ross Geller-I’m making Fajitas- “let’s show everyone how very completely normal I feel about this” approach, which.. it doesn’t.. work that well. And when does this ever work, it’s super easy to see through this, and it usually just serves to draw more attention to the fact that you’re uncomfortable with whatever is being discussed.

Buck also takes everything Eddie says to heart. Like, fucking takes it and will not let go of it. Half a season after Eddie tells him that he makes everything about himself, he breaks down telling Maddie he’s worried he’s making the situation with the old firefighter about himself again. During the kitchen scene (or “The actual how-to-guide of what to do when you thought the guy you have a crush on doesn’t reciprocate but then you have a fight and he really doesn’t handle being away from you so well so you kind of might as well see where being a little more openly flirty will get you”), Buck’s clearly thought about Eddie’s words from the grocery store fight, and he’s gonna call Eddie out. And maybe do other stuff.

Looking at what the writers are actually doing, to end the season, there’s the clawing at dirt of it all, Buck falling apart when Eddie’s buried alive. Buck being in almost all of Eddie’s memories when he’s close to dying. And Maddie’s comment about not wanting to set Josh up with Buck, which is innocent enough, but why throw that in on top of all of the above, if not because maybe what we’re actually looking at is that they’re setting up a sexuality crisis for Buck, and him realizing he’s maybe into Eddie, but Eddie not actually reciprocating (yet)? And say Buck is then somehow forcefully pushed to see the truth about how he feels, maybe by, i don’t know, coming across TK and/or Carlos on a call, and one of them asking him how long him and Eddie have been together? We might get Eddie with Ana, and a very long, drawn out process of Buck realizing what’s happening and trying to leave them alone, and Eddie being really confused about why Buck’s being like that. Then we would have two options (well, more, really, but these are two I like): 1) Eddie pushing Buck on that point and demanding an explanation and Buck just coming out with it because fuck it and sorry and please let me see Chris still 2) Buck’s sexuality crisis (or not crisis, if he’s always been pan/bi, which, look, nothing I’ve seen has disproven this theory) leading to him dating a guy and Eddie getting really jealous but not actually being aware of the fact what he feels is jealousy (because he doesn’t realize how he feels about Buck, see this whole essay you just read), and Buck being the one who confronts Eddie about why he’s being such a homophobic asshole about this, and Eddie straight up kissing him because he can’t not anymore.

[cherishingstydia]

5+1 - Five times Buddie tried to confess their newfound romantic feelings to each other and the one time someone else did it for them?

thank you for the idea! Hope you like it.

1.

Buck took a deep breath as he looked at Eddie and Chris. These nights always cemented the fact that he’s not only in love with Eddie, but this is what he wants everyday for the rest of his life just the three of them, and maybe some more kids at some point.

Eddie is his perfect match. He really never expected to find someone and really never thought it would be a man, but he doesn’t care he just wants Eddie. Tonight’s the night, once Chris goes to bed he’s gonna rip off the bandaid...tell Eddie the truth.

Buck waited in anticipation as Eddie finished tucking Chris in. His heart was pounding, his breathing was erratic and he couldn’t sit still.

“You ok?” Eddie smiled

“Uh yeah great.”

“You sure.”

“Of course I just wanted to tell you something.”

“Ok.” Eddie said sitting next to Buck.

“Eddie I love...I love game night, but I’m not gonna make it this week...I have plans.” Buck lied, and it was a terrible lie because he definitely did not have plans.

“A date?” Eddie asked and Bucks sure Eddie looks upset.

“No, no date for me. I just I have some laundry and cleaning I need to do and that’s the only free time I’ll have this week.” Buck said. Another lie. The truth has to be easier than this.

“We can do it at your place...game night I mean. Then I can help you.” Eddie said softly.

Damnit there’s no way to say no. No way to turn down Eddie and Chris time.

“You’d do that for me.”

“Buck I’d do anything for you.” Eddie said placing his hand on Bucks thigh.

“Ok. Game night at my place.”

2.

Eddie was nervous. Bucks coming over, but only Buck and him will be there. Chris is at a sleepover and most nights it’s just the three of them, which is actually how Eddie prefers it. This isn’t the first time he’s been in love. After Shannon he wasn’t sure how to move on and when he dated Ana he liked her, but something was off. He figured out later it was the skateboard incident and how she reacted vs how Buck reacted. That’s when he knew for sure Buck was the one.

“Hey.” Eddie smiled as Buck walked through the door.

“Hey.” Buck yawned.

“Sorry I’m so boring.” Eddie teased.

“Nah. Just tired Albert and Veronica are...really loud.”

“Why don’t they just stay at her place.”

“Oh they do.” Buck rolled his eyes.

Eddie sat next to Buck making sure he wasn’t too close, even though they’re usually so close their bodies are pressed together, but he knows if he’s too close he’ll lose his nerve.

“I uh need to use the bathroom.” Eddie said excusing himself.

You can do this. It’s not a big deal. Just say it “Buck I wanna be more than friends.” No not that “Buck I like you.” Well it’s more than like but the L word might scare Buck, even though Eddie knows he loves him. “Buck you’re hot as fuck.” Nope nope nope not that one. That sounds purely sexual, and as much as Eddie is sexually attracted to Buck that’s not all there is. It’s really all the small things about Buck and his personality that drew Eddie in. Ok straight forward. “I have romantic feelings for you.” Maybe that works. No speak from the heart.

Eddie walked out of the bathroom not confident in what he’d say, but confident it’s time to tell Buck....who is passed out asleep on the couch.

“I can wake up.” Buck yawned.

“No. I’ll get you a blanket. Lay down and get some rest.”

Buck obeyed and Eddie covered him placing a small kiss on Bucks temple. Buck didn’t seem to notice, but that’s ok it’s not their time yet.

3.

Buck looked at Eddie from across the station and sighed. Why was it so difficult telling him. Ok he knows why because it could potentially ruin the best friendship he’s ever had, but most people think of their spouse as their best friend right? So maybe that’s why their friendship is unlike any other he’s ever had because they belong together.

There’s 5 hours of the shift left, but a wave of confidence hit Buck. He strutted over to Eddie who smiled.

“What’s up?” Eddie grinned.

“Can we talk?”

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah I uh just need to say this.” Buck said before the bell went off.

Saved by the bell...more like blocked by the bell. Buck sighed.

“We can talk later.” Eddie nodded.

Later...later will there be any confidence left?

After returning to the station Eddie stopped Buck.

“Do you wanna continue our conversation? It seemed important.”

“Eddie I...can’t remember.” Buck hated that he said that he wanted to just blurt out “I love you” but that might scare Eddie off, and that confidence from earlier had fizzled out. Today is so not the day.

4.

Today was gonna be the day...again. Buck was coming over to make dinner. Chris had a last minute sleepover invite. Which Eddie was happy his son was so excited, and happy for some alone time with Buck, but it was scary.

Buck showed up in a tight blue shirt not only making his eyes pop but accentuating his muscles. Eddie felt guilty ogling his best friend, but when Buck looks this good it s hard not to.

“You ok?” Buck asked as he began to cook.

Eddie sat on the counter near by.

“Yeah I just. Do you ever have something you think you need to say, but you don’t know what will happen. Like it could ruin something great, but if you say it then the thing you already have could be even greater.” Eddie sighed.

“I guess I don’t know for sure, but I feel like you just go on your instincts. Do what you think is best. Trust your gut....I mean obviously You have no gut just rock hard abs, but you get it. Does that help?”

“ I think.” Eddie but his lip.

“Do you wanna talk about it? See if I can help?”

Yes. Of course we really need to talk about it.

“Uh no...it’s nothing big.” Eddie lied.

“Well I’m here anytime...really even if you ever need to call late at night to talk you can. Don’t worry if I’m asleep or not. I’ll be here...always.”

Eddie felt like his heart was doing somersaults. Buck is so perfect and caring...it’s really Bucks fault he fell in love with him. If Buck wasn’t such an amazing person, and it was just sexual attraction rather than love and sexual attraction this would a lot easier.

Ok no more hiding.

“Buck.”

“Yeah?” Buck said with a smile that melts Eddies heart.

“I-” Eddie said before Buck cut him off.

“Sorry hold that thought I don’t want the food to burn.”

Buck returned shorty with two plates piled high full of delicious food.

“Ok so what were we talking about?” Buck asked in a serious tone.

“I was just telling you how much I appreciate you cooking for me.”

“Anytime.” Buck smiled.

And another failed attempt. Bucks totally worth it. Eddie wants to tell him, but the thought of potentially messing up their friendship is what makes it so scary. Every time he tries to tell him it’s like something always gets in his way. Is this fates way of telling him not to say anything?

5.

Buck looked across the bar as he saw a woman practically throwing herself at Eddie....ok she was just talking, but still it made Buck feel an overwhelming wave of jealousy. A shitty bar isn’t really the place to confess your undying love, but now he feels like he has to.

Buck plopped on the chair next to Eddie. He knew it was weird l, but when he got there the words didn’t wanna come out. Not in a way that would make any sense.

“Hey Buck wanna help me carry the drinks back to our table?” Eddie smiled.

“Uh yeah.”

“So Uh why didn’t you keep talking to her. She’s pretty and seemed into you.”

“She’s not my type.”

“What is your type.”

“It’s not that I really have a type its  more a feeing....I can usually tell pretty quick by the way I feel around that person, and I wasn’t feeling it.”

So if Eddie can feel it quickly, but hasn’t said anything yet then maybe that means he’s not into Buck. He has no feelings for him. It’s unreciprocated and the pain in his chest is unbearable he almost feels like he’s at the point where he wants to cry, but he’s in so much pain he can’t.

“Buck you ok?” Eddie asked.

The words echoed through Bucks mind.

“I’m not feeling so well maybe I should go.”

“I’ll drive you home I haven’t had anything to drink yet.”

“Uh no I’ll call an Uber.” Buck said. He wanted Eddie to take him home, but maybe once he’s not around Eddie the pain will lessen. 

+1.

Hen and Karen were having everyone other for a game night. Although they had ulterior motives. Everyone was sick and tired of Buck and Eddies shit. They were either pining, moping, or gazing longingly at each other all the time.

Hen was very aware of both of their feelings considering they both confided in her. They both admitted how they keep trying to tell each other, but something kept holding them back. She wanted to say you love him he loves you now be together, but it’s not her place to be so straight forward. She tried and tried to encourage them to just be honest, but they were both too stubborn.

“Buck, Eddie can you grab the folding table out of my bedroom closet?” Hen asked earning a glare from both men.

As soon as they both entered the room hen shut the door and then pushed a chest in front of it barricading the door.

“You two need to talk...about what you keep talking to me about. The thing you both want to say. I know you know what I mean. I’ll let you out when you finally talk.” Hen said.

“Hen.” Buck groaned as he jiggled the door knob.

Eddie sat on the bed.

“Fine I’ll say it blurt it out.” Eddie let out a deep breath.

“I love you.” Buck sighed as he approached Eddie. “Like I’m in love with you. I’ve tried and tried to tell you but I can’t seem to ever get the words out.”

“Buck I’ve been trying to tell you the same thing for so long. I didn’t wanna scare you, but I love you and I can’t believe you feel it too.”

Buck practically tackled Eddie pushing him back on the bed straddling and kissing him.

Moments later Hen was knocking on the door.

“You guys good.”

“Yeah we uh talked.” Buck panted.

“Give is a few more minutes...to talk.” Eddie panted.

“Do not have sex in my room.” Hen said pushing the chest out of the way. “You’re free to come out here now.”

“Oh we aren’t gonna have sex here. When we do I wanna hear every sound I can pull from Buck. If we did it hear he might try to muffle those sounds.”

“Walking away now!” Hen said.

“Eddie should we go back to my place.” Buck whispered.

“Isn’t that rushing this a bit?”

“We don’t have to do anything I just wanna be alone with you.” Buck smiled climbing off of Eddie.

“Ok.” Eddie smiled.

When they walked out to the living room everyone applauded .

“Finally!” Maddie laughed.

“Hey uh so we’re gonna go. We kinda need to talk some more.” Eddie said.

“Thanks Hen for forcing us to admit our feelings.” Buck smiled.

“Hey I knew you both felt it you just needed a little push.” Hen smiled.

[richietoaster]

Review/Reaction of IT Chapter Two

Let’s just start right off the bat and let me just say that Bill Hader better get a fucking award for his performance.

Alright. Here we go y’all. im trying to stay in order with what happened but so much happened in the movie that my brain is just all over the place so excuse me while i try to form words

UNDER THE CUT CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS

• first opening scene is a fucking LOT okay like i sobbed my eyes out and it was just not cool. adrian and his boyfriend? CUTE AF. Him getting brutally beat up and then killed by Pennywise while Don just watches? NOT CUTE AF

• Mike is a precious boy and I love him so. He cares about his friends so much holy shit. they all get mad at him for lying to them tho.But he only did it to protect them. Mike knew some SHIT(tm) our boy is so smart?? I’m glad they kept to his original storyline

• Older Bill gave himself so much shit this film and i just felt so bad. like we know it isnt ur fault okay?? We know you loved your brother, stop putting yourself down. also?? him becoming protective over dean? please stop my aching heart. 

• Jessica Chastain owns my whole heart and she can kick my ass anyday. She plays Bev so well and captures young bev’s personality so well. her scene with mrs kersh was very weird. i knew the second she ran naked in the hall i’d be seeing some weird fucking shit okay 

• Jay Ryan could kick me and I would personally thank him like?? wow what a man. He immediately recognizes bev when he first sees her and im just?? im happy. so many hidden new kids on the block reference and it had me fucking rolling in my grave

• JAMES FUCKING RANSONE MY DUDE OH LORD okay listen. he gives off young eddie’s panic and chaotic energy so perfectly i felt like i was watching him as an adult, who just never grew up. I think thats what he was going for honestly. He played eddie SO FUCKING WELL 

• I’m so sad about stan. THats all you need to know okay. I’ll talk about his letter later on in this. Stan deserved better. that’s all. 

• if you are not a fan of vomit you’re not gonna enjoy richie tozier. literally any time something bad happens hes just like ah shit here we go again *vomits* and honestly? that made me laugh. like hes just like oh shit something is happening let.. let me just.. no no its fine guys ill catch up.. EHBWFIJHDFSIJ no okay but bill hader stole the fucking show. his acting was phenomenal and,, again,, i’ll add more onto that later. 

• richie scares the shit out of dean. because he thinks hes pennywise. but can you blame him? the kid just. stared at him all creepy and shit. but its so funny. the losers make fun of him bc he doesnt know his own lines from his acts and richies just like “I dont write my own material” and eddies just like “I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT” dead. goodbye.

• Young losers were still my favorite part honestly. Eddie kept bouncing that stupid ball in stan’s face in the clubhouse and i was waiting for him to get punched in the face tbh. That didn’t even seem like eddie, that was Jack’s energy bursting through the seams lmfao

• young eddie runs into a fucking box and shrieks and if that isn’t me idk ewhdfiajksjdoi 

• THE FUCKING. HAMMOCK. SCENE. okay listen to me. thats gay. hammocks are now gay. gays only. gay interacts only. the bickering between reddie had me in TEARS. eddie kept kicking at his face and just?? casually??? lays on him when richie wont move?? 

• stan’s fucking shower cap ehfdiujasdiosa and then richie being like “nobodys afraid of spiders stanley okay” and eddie slowly removes his because he cares what richie thinks more than spiders ok

• a flashback from after they defeated IT in the first move with reddie “eddie youve been gone for 24 hours your face is most likely on a milk carton by now” “shut up richie” 

• yong Richie has me weak af this whole movie, like always. just getting on Eddie’s case. HE PINES SO HARD OH Y GOD Like wow my sweet boy is so fucking in love ouch. which?? BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT POINT??

• THE ARCADE SCENE?? he checks out the kid standing next to him and tries to get him to hang out more and then the other kid tells him to stop being weird because he’s not gay, too, and then uses the F slur. richie was just so hurt. paul bunyun scene happens after that and hes just like “I just shit my pants” and i cried. 

• pennywise screaming “lets play truth or dare, you wouldnt pick truth! you dont want them to know your secret” gave off the same energy as eddie’s leper blowjob scene from the book. same energy. do with that as you will. 

• they had some flashbacks that included pennywise and im not sure if this was before or after they had defeated IT in the first movie but i interpreted it as after and if thats the case... hes supposed to be dead. but now thinking back on it, it was probably just more scenes before they put pennywise to rest for 27 years. 

• young richie went to the kissing bridge after that and we ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THERE. fucking.. r + e :((( although we don’t see him carving the E. but reddie is canon so suck toes antis

• stephen king pretty much being like “I know u and ur endings really do suck” to bill when he comes to buy his bike was so fucking funny. it almost felt like a self insert lmfao. ALSO HIM MAKING BILL PAY 300 BUCKS FOR THE BIKE BC HE KNEW HE COULD AFFORD IT? iconic. 

• richie and eddie opening the door to the dog had me laughing. pennywise was just mocking them at that point. they’d be such good dog dads and now im sad

• i was really confused because they added part of stan’s bar mitzvah?? like it wasn’t even the same from the first movie. like they should’ve just put the deleted scene in from ch. 1 and then added that part. thats one of my very few complaints. im slowly hiding them in here. 

• henry bowers was kinda irrelevant in this honestly but thank you eddie for stabbing him and richie for killing him for trying to kill mike yall heroes 

• BEVS BLOOD SCENE ?? CORRESPONDING WITH BENS BURIED ALIVE SCENE? poetic cinema. 10/10

• the big fight really disappointed me in all honesty. but i think thats because andy said he cut so much from there. i expect it to be better with the director’s cut

• eddie saving richie and then immediately being stabbed by pennywise’s claw? IM DEPRESSED.

• “Rich! rich, i did it! i think i killed him!” Our boy was so happy with himself :( 

• eddie’s last words WERE NOT “i fucked your mom”. he was talking to richie and you can hear them talking while the rest are preparing to end pennywise. so im hoping we get that as a deleted scene. 

• richie goes back to help finish pennywise but when he goes to check on eddie.. he’s dead. ://// and bev is like “richie, come on, honey.. im sorry” and richie does not want to believe him. he grabs and hugs eddie so tight i swear i could feel that hug from the audience. 

• another thing im disappointed in and am sliding in is some of the animations? Like. fucking weird. but okay. luckily i didn’t care too much.  

• THE SOB that richie lets out when he holds eddie really hurt my fucking soul jesus christ just kill me

• the losers try cheering him up after and like. thats their friend too but you can just totally tell he’s crying in a different type of grief. THAT WAS HIS FIRST FUCKING LOVE. 

• they all remember after and thats really important to me okay

• stan writes letters and its spoken outloud while the other losers get little montages of what theyre doing with their life after the battle. Richie goes back to the kissing bridge and recarves- YES RECARVES AND YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE THE E BEFORE HE DOES- he recarves the E and while doing it, stan’s voice says “be proud of who you are” and im fucking cry ibg okay

• in the end, i give this movie a 7/10 rating. although some of the animations were weird and some of the flashbacks had pennywise in it (like hes supposed to be currently dead but ok... maybe nightmares??) the actors were PHENOMENAL and the chemistry between older richie and older eddie made me so happy. my ship is canon. but im still sad about stan and eddies death. 

• ignoring canon in 3.. 2.. 1.. now 

[chiefnooniensingh]

if it goes over their head - a buddie one-shot

A/n: based on @stiilesstilinski's gifset because it's just perfect.

Summary: Eddie and Buck are both bisexual disasters. Hen intervenes.

also on: ao3

Eddie was at the end of his patience. He didn’t know what the fuck he needed to do to make Buck see that he liked him. He’d been incredibly obvious about his advances, inviting him to family dinners, flirting near constantly at the firehouse, on calls, out on the town with Christopher… Either Buck was purposely ignoring his moves, or he was quite possibly the dumbest person alive.

Which, to be fair, was probably true.

They were between calls right now, having finally managed to eat a full meal prepared by Bobby, and everyone was hanging around, recovering from the excellent food, hoping against hope the next call was still far away. Buck was lounging on the couch in the TV area, and Eddie was staring at him. What did he have to do to make Buck see?

“Just go to him.” Eddie startled out of his reverie, seeing Hen standing next to him, looking exasperated. “I’m tired of watching you pine after him. Just tell him how you feel!”

“Easier said than done,” Eddie scoffed, scrubbing his face with a hand. “I don’t want to ruin the friendship we have, if he doesn’t feel the same way.”

Hen smiled sympathetically. “I get it, Diaz, but this…crush of yours in interfering with your work. You gotta deal with it,” she said, clapping him on the shoulder, “or people around here might deal with it for you.”

Eddie stared after her as she walked away, horror-struck. He was pretty sure ‘people’ mean ‘Hen and Chimney’ and if those two maniacs told Buck about his crush…hell no. Groaning under his breath, he got up and moved towards Buck, his stomach coiling.

“Hey, man,” Buck said, moving aside a little to make space for Eddie, who dropped onto the couch next to him. “That meal was the best thing I’ve ever had, I can’t believe how much I ate.”

Eddie laughed. “Yeah, you were kind of a maniac.”

“Hey, you ate almost as much as I did!” Buck exclaimed, punching Eddie in the shoulder.

“’Almost’ being the operative word, Buckley,” Eddie teased, and Buck snorted. It was the cutest thing Eddie had ever heard and his heart did a little skip. Biting his lip for a second, he made a decision. “Hey, Buck, can I ask you for some advice?”

“Yeah, of course, man. What’s going on?” Buck said, sitting up and looking serious. Eddie smiled. Buck was always there for him, no matter what. It’s what had made him fall for Buck in the first place.

“So I’ve been having this serious crush on someone.” It was happening.

Buck’s face lit up, a salacious grin forming on his face. “No way, Eddie Diaz with a crush? That’s a goddamn first!”

Eddie tried hard not to blush, but it was a losing battle. “Shut up. Anyway. I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for, like, a year now. No response.” What the fuck are you doing? Eddie knew it was a coward’s approach, but he couldn’t get the words out.

“Wow,” Buck said, eyebrows raised and laughing a little, “they sound stupid.”

Eddie couldn’t help but smile. “They’re not. They’re really smart, smarter then they think they are. They’re just…really dense.”

Buck shook his head, letting out a puff of air. “Well…maybe you need to be more obvious?”

“More obvious?” Eddie said, letting out a laugh. He was pretty sure he’d done everything short of jumping Buck’s bones.

Buck pushed him away again but nodded. “Yes. I don’t know, like…‘hey, I love you!’.”

Eddie stared at Buck for a while. Sweet, clueless Buck. “Okay, I guess you’re right. Hey, Buck,” he said, looking straight into Buck’s eyes, his heart beating in his ears and his stomach coiling worse than ever, but he forced the words out anyway, “I love you.”  

Buck smiled broadly and clapped Eddie’s shoulder. “See! Just say that!”

Eddie didn’t know what he expected, but somehow this fit exactly in how this entire thing had been going so far. He stared at Buck for a second before dropping his head in his hand.  “Holy fucking shit,” he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. Buck didn’t seem to notice his exasperation.

“If that flies over their head,” Buck continued, smiling like he’d just saved the freaking day, “then I’m sorry, Diaz, but they’re just too dumb for you.” Before Eddie could respond, Buck rose and clapped Eddie’s shoulder once more. “Lemme know how it goes, man!” Then he walked off.

Eddie could only stare after him. He went over the conversation in his head, wondering if he’d still ben unclear about his intentions or if Buck was just that dense. How much clearer did he need to be? He was about to run after Buck to just kiss his stupid mouth, when he noticed Hen standing a few feet away, the most hilarious look of disbelief on her face. He just shook his head at her. Groaning out load, she paced forward and grabbed Buck’s arm to stop him from leaving. “Buck,” she said, her teeth gritting, “do me a favour, and go over that conversation in your head.”

“What?”

“Just…fucking do it, you absolute fucking idiot,” Hen said, in her most dejected and simultaneously most dangerous voice.

Buck sighed and stayed still for a while. Hen and Eddie both watched him, Hen with impatience and Eddie with bated breath. His eyes flicked to Hen every once in a while, whose eyeroll was so aggressive she looked in danger of getting her eyes permanently stuck that way.

Out of nowhere, Buck spun around and stared at Eddie. “What?!” he squeaked.

“There it is,” Hen sighed with relief. “You’re welcome!” And with that, she left quickly, leaving Eddie and Buck staring at each other awkwardly.

Eddie stood up, nerves coursing through his entire body. His stomach felt like it was about to send the food back up. “Buck…” he began, his voice quavering.

But Buck shook his head, holding up a hand. “Wait, what?” he repeated, still staring at Eddie like he didn’t really understand what he was seeing.

“Yeah,” Eddie said, unsure of what else there was to say. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for a year. Thanks for the advice, by the way.”

Buck stared at him for a moment longer, which felt like an eternity to Eddie, who felt increasingly uncomfortable and stupid. “Oh my god,” Buck breathed, “I am so fucking stupid.”

“No, Buck…” But Buck moved quickly, closing the distance between them in two big strides. Before Eddie could say anything else, Buck grabbed Eddie’s face and crashed their lips together. Eddie froze for a full second, before melting into the kiss completely. The entire world faded away, with Buck still in full focus, and Eddie wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close and deepening the kiss.

This is what he had wanted for a full year, and it felt absolutely surreal to be kissing Evan Buckley, at the fire house, in front of all their friends and colleagues. But it also felt absolutely right, like his body had been made to fit exactly against Buck’s, like he was meant to kiss Buck. It was their first kiss, and it was messy and sloppy, and yes, their teeth also clacked together more often than was strictly necessary (or comfortable), but neither of them really minded.

Buck was warm, and his hands were steady on Eddie’s cheeks and it felt like home.

After what felt like an hour, but in reality probably was only a minute or two, the two of them broke apart, and immediately the world returned to Eddie. There were wolf whistles and cheers going up all around the fire house, and Eddie noticed Chimney slapping money into Hen’s hand with a half-amused look, and Bobby receiving some money from Athena. Eddie made mental note to ask which bet it was that they won.

Right now, he couldn’t really care. He stared up at the man in his arms, whose face was completely flushed and whose lips were red. Eddie could only assume he looked similarly wrecked. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” Buck said, and Eddie burst into laughter. “Really! I think I realized it when I saw you and Chris reunited after that tsunami. That what I was feeling for you went way beyond friendship.”

“Wow,” Eddie said, remembering the day better than he would like. He remembered that woman telling him Chris had been looking for Buck. He remembered seeing Buck, wet, dirty, bleeding, collapsing with relief, having just put everything he had into finding his son…he’d realized how much he cared about Buck right there, as well. “That’s when I knew as well.”

“I guess we’re both idiots,” Buck said, laughing hard.

Eddie chuckled, “Well, you more than me.”

“You think I haven’t been flirting? Jesus, Eddie, we really are both idiots.”

“Yes, you are. But you made me some serious cash!” Hen said, still collecting money from their colleagues.

Eddie and Buck turned to look at their friends, each and every one of them smiling at them with joy. It seemed all of them had known before either of them. Eddie looked up at Buck, who was smiling softly. “Hey,” he said, catching Buck’s attention. “Wanna go out tonight?”

Buck’s smile widened, looking like a kid who just got offered candy. “Very much so.”

“After our shift. I’ve got the perfect spot.”

“Interesting, I’m in.” Buck leaned in and captured Eddie’s lips in a kiss again. The two of them sank into each other, sparking another round of wolf whistles, which died down when they did not break apart after a while. Eddie could kiss Buck endlessly, but they were at work, so in the end Bobby broke them up with a smile and a gentle reminder that this was a workplace.

Eddie walked on air for the rest of the day.

[leandra-kinard]

I promised @afleetingindecency a more thorough explanation on why and how I like the idea of “pining Eddie” after the issue came up in the comments to this post I made earlier. (I hope I can express myself well because I’m having a horrible headache rn)

After initially voicing she’s not a big fan of the idea of “pining Eddie” and I said I do want to see him pine but also ultimately make a decision, she asked: “well, of course I have to ask - why do you want pining and yearning from Eddie and not Buck? I’m not looking to attack or anything, just curious.“

I see many versions going around about what people expect and envision for Eddie (and Buck) in the near future on the show. “Pining Eddie” seems to be a very common concept. Some of those versions could arguably be seen as romanticising pain, and painting Buck as the “saviour”, which I also don’t favour. 

What I would like to see is the following: 

We know Eddie has basically never allowed himself to truly want things for himself. His marriage to Shannon happened out of a sense of obligation (as far as I remember, it is very heavily implied her getting pregnant was the reason for them marrying). He then joined the army, which could be seen as an act of self-fulfilment, but I don’t believe he had a strong personal desire to be in the army; he just wanted to get away from a marriage he knew, deep down, was doomed to fail. Eddie and Shannon were never on the same page; they were unable to communicate constructively as real partners should. They didn’t have each other’s backs.

Furthermore, I’m also on the team “gay Eddie Diaz truthers”, and if that turned out to be the case, if he’s always repressed his true identity, then that adds another huge layer. 

But to sum this part up: Eddie didn’t join the army because he truly wanted to, he went to escape his marriage and the responsibility that came with it (and with being a father so young). 

When Shannon left, he finally took one step in the right direction and chose a job and location that was something he wanted. But again, he wanted to get away from his overbearing parents, so there was always that added layer of running AWAY from something instead of simply TO something he wanted. When Shannon returned, him wanting to be with her was much more about her being the “mother of his son” than the woman he loved. (I do believe he loved her, but not in the way you should if you choose to be with someone romantically.)

The whole time we’ve known Eddie, he never seemed like the kind of person who pursues things simply for his own enjoyment. It’s reflected in how lovingly most of his house is decorated - all the spaces that are for him AND Christopher - but his own bedroom is completely spartan. He doesn’t date, he doesn’t express wanting or needing things in his life - be it romantic or something else. 

Eddie serves and protects, and he definitely loves his son (and his found family), but Eddie never wants anything just for HIS OWN SAKE. 

That the relationship with Ana fits that description perfectly is not something I need to explain. 

Instead of forcing himself to do something for the sake of others - or for an idealised image Eddie has of himself, needing to fulfil it for others to see - he’s finally made a step towards doing things for his own sake. It wasn’t a pursuit this time, yet, but it was rejecting something that was never truly his own  volition. He freed himself from that. He put himself first, for ONCE, (because Buck gave him the final nudge he needed) in this instance even before Christopher who might be sad about the breakup. And this was such a huge, important step for him that I cannot even begin to express how amazing it felt to me. 

But on to the pining. 

Yes, pining is painful. I believe that fully going through the process of yearning for something - someone in this case - realising just how much Eddie wants Buck, wants to be with him, allowing himself to feel that want in all its facets, is something that will be hugely important for his development. Ultimately, I see it leading to him not only wanting something but finally REACHING for it. Taking the steps needed to try and get what he wants. Throwing overboard all restraint and internalised homophobia, all sense of wrongness he probably felt, maybe - if he IS a repressed gay man - his entire life. Eddie could allow himself to fell all this, accept it as part of him, to hurt and ache but ultimately make a decision that will impact his life irrevocably. 

But pining Eddie doesn’t mean Buck can’t pine as well, right?

Well, here’s the thing, though. 

Buck has done nothing but pine for things and people all his life: the attention of his parents, friendships, his sister’s support. Love and a family. Buck has been looking for that big thing that adds meaning to his life for so long. At times, it has been his most defining trait, even. 

Right now, I see Buck in a place where he has finally found some inner peace and balance (now we’re circling back to my initial post, as linked at the beginning, and which triggered the whole conversation with Jess; this change in him was, likewise, triggered by Eddie’s words at the end of season 4). Buck is doing pretty damn good at the moment. Not perfect; he hasn’t yet found and gotten what will be ultimately right and perfect for him, but he has gained a confidence and ease in his relationships, he knows what he wants and what he doesn’t want (chasing people for whom he’s not enough). The thing with Taylor is fun and easy and nice to have at the moment, but it’s not built to last. I believe, deep-down, Buck knows this, but it’s not the point right now. He’s happy just being Buck for once. 

With that premise - a healthy starting point for Buck - I don’t want to see him falling back into his pining, aching, yearning ways. Into feeling like he can’t have something he wants, like he isn’t (yet) enough. I would very much prefer this thing with Eddie to simply fall into place. A final puzzle piece that Buck hasn’t even fully been aware was missing. 

Sure, we know Buck loves Eddie, and I believe Buck knows this too. But I also believe that he has never realised there could be more than what they already have. 

With Buck, we constantly had the concept of “making something” vs. “the universe coming to him”, and I think, ultimately, to conclude his journey and take him to where he’s supposed to be, it has to be a combination of both. 

Buck has been “making it” for years now. He has put so much effort, has poured his heart and soul into his relationship with Eddie and Christopher. There isn’t much more anyone could ever do for other people than what Buck has already been doing for them. 

I want him to experience a moment of clarity in which he realises he has already done all that, and that all that was missing was Eddie taking the final step - pursuing Buck, chasing him. The universe coming to Buck, at last.